THE WRITER

Voracity

Everyone needs to have a hobby.  Especially if they want to retire to happier things than combat some day.  Hunting isn't a life-long job unless you die young so Xander picks up a new hobby back in high school that's just coming to light.

Massive changes are coming and the script is still unwritten.  How will it go?

Table of Contents

Chapter 19: Parties For The Boy

Chapter 20: Attention Bad!

Chapter 21: Dating Disaster Plans

Chapter 22: Filling In The Plot Holes

Chapter 23: Filling In Another Hole

Chapter 24: Olivia!

Chapter 25: Visiting Old Friends

Chapter 26: Watching Her

Chapter 27: Many Xander Headaches

Chapter 28: Interesting Meetings

Chapter 29: Rock And Roll

Chapter 30: Snuggly Times

Chapter 31: Someone Mistook Xander For A Nice Guy

Chapter 32: Not Always In Our Plans

Chapter 33: Olivia Plans

Chapter 34: When Stuck In A Corner

Chapter 35: Battling

Chapter 36: Talking About Things

Chapter 37: Holiday Miracles

Chapter 19: Parties For The Boy

Someone else wants to play in DCIS's universe.  Will Xander let them?

Xander walked into the meeting room at the publishing house, putting down his bag and sitting down across from the smiling people.  "Did you even read the books?" he asked.  They all quit smiling.

"Xander!" Paula chided.

"What?"  He stared at them.  "In DCIS they *arrest* the *bad* demons and work with the *non-bad* ones.  In the hunting series, some of them go after all demons, even if they're peaceful, but most do not and they often end up dealing with the hunters who do because that causes problems and attacks.  Take it from me, I have experience in that area."

"There's peaceful demons?" the producer asked.

"Yeah, tons more than the harmful ones.  LA has one of the biggest demon communities in this country.  A quarter of the population in LA is demons."

"Oh," he said flatly, looking at the writer.

Xander pulled out something.  "As a reference as well, these are the people the characters were based on and then I changed so they wouldn't get pissed off at me."  He handed it to the writer.   He looked it over and winced.  "Which is why I changed them.  Yes.  That might help some?"

"Some," he agreed.  "That could help casting.  Were there minorities?"

"Anymore I don't really bother about what race anyone is.  Most of the people I know aren't human.  So being black or Asian or whatever... I don't tend to always notice.  Half the time I can't name a nationality by looking at someone.  I can name demon species, I can tell you if they're harmful or not and if they play kitten poker, but not what nationality anyone is."

"He can't," Paula admitted.  "He thought I had some Spanish or Mexican descent."

Xander shrugged.  "It's the hair?"

"Not quite, dear."  She looked at them.  "Putting in more minorities would be fine.  Most of the characters their races weren't really mentioned.  Especially with some of the slayers."  They smiled at that.  "But... he does have some worries about the source material faithfulness issues."

"Since the whole demon community praised me for being so even-handed with it and bringing awareness to the non-harmful communities, yeah," Xander agreed.

"Do you know what they look like?" the producer asked.

"I've played kitten poker with over sixty different species in LA and here.  In Sunnydale there were more of them trying to hide."

"Oh.  What about the training team?"

"Those were loosely based on Dean and Sam Winchester."

"The hunters?" the director asked.  Xander smiled and nodded.  "Friends?"

"Now.  When I started to write it I hadn't met them yet."

"How did you know them then?" the producer asked.

"Willow Rosenburg."  They all groaned.  "She had a magic addiction."  That got a slump from the director.  "She sent me there but I did get permission from each and every person in the books to write them.  That's how they started and most of them are based on past cases, some embellished, but the three that've gone top twenty are all off the top of my head and something I ran into while I was hunting."

"So there, they're...."  The other author pointed at the list.  Xander smiled and nodded.  "Wow."

"Yup."

"The arms master?"

"Remember the movie _Lost Boys_?"  He nodded.  "Remember the hotty vampire?"  He grinned.  "Looked just like him only older."

"I think I know who we can cast there," he said, looking over at the others.

"He might actually do it," he agreed.  "Even though he shows up later."

"And in a few earlier things when he's helping an agent deal with some demon causing an apocalypse sort of thing, yeah," Xander admitted.  "But you still need to stay closer to the source material.  I can't let something that ripping of the demon community go out with my name attached or they'll kill my ass."

"They've just recently unshunned him for that hunter who started off an apocalypse try by making him out demons," Paula said.  "The ones locally and the ones in LA both had contracts out on his life because of it."  Xander nodded.

"Okay," the author said.  "I can get that."

"Paula thinks if you combine parts of book one and two together, it'd be a good movie," Xander said, looking at him.  "I have no idea how you do that.  I write what the muses tell me, not screenplays.  Or even play plays.  I can't write action and direction very well, it's one of my many shortcomings as an author.  My first few, people would talk for pages and never move.  It drove my editor nuts."

He smiled.  "I noticed some of that.  I have read the books."  Xander beamed.  "If we start with the assassination and then..."  He considered it.  "That group?"

"Riley.  Fucking.  Finn," Xander said bluntly.  "But they know it's in there.  I warned them it was in there so they'd leave me alone.  That's the only time they show up."

"Hmm."  He made notes.  "That one meeting, and the back story in it sets up why the agency was started so quietly."

"It moved to a back office in Homeland for hunters and then when their Sunnydale fell in after the First Evil battle, they stepped it up.  All that was verbatim on how it started.  Up through people waking up from the coma."

"That coma... are they really like that?"

"Yeah.  Buffy is LA's slayer.  The blonde girl at the invasion?  That's Buffy.  Giles is the calmer older British guy."

"I saw that film," the director said with a wince.  "Who was the brunette?"

Xander grinned.  "Faith.  She's our slayer here in New York.  She's the one that went to Cleveland."

"Huh.  So...  If we take that and the banding together, maybe shift it so we're hiring some subtle agents along the time until the major apocalypse battle, and then the banding together afterward to fight to keep things normal and be the barrier," the author said, making notes.

Xander nodded.  "They all considered themselves the condom between the worlds.  If it was demon on demon or human on demon or demon on human, they handled it."

"Which isn't a bad idea," he agreed.  "We could use that now."

"Homeland is trying really hard," Xander said with a grimace.  "And sucking at it.  Graham Miller, who was in that same group with Mr. Finn, called to whine at me about them making his unit do that instead of hunting the bad ones down in Central and South America."

"What group was it?"

"It's presently classified because the government done screwed up," Xander told him bluntly.  "They were pulling people in to test them to see what they were."  The author and director both shuddered.  "Oh, yes, and the team I was part of ended that.  But Buffy dated Finn."

The author snorted.  "I see girls like her all the time, Mr. Harris."

"Call me Xander as long as I like you," he offered with a grin.  "I'm not formal at all."  The guy grinned back.  "I was working construction when my first full novel sold.  I'm not the uptight sort unless you're screwing with me."

"I can understand that fully," he agreed with a smile.  "How do you feel about having a movie done of one of your books?"

"I'm so freaked out, and if it wins awards they might have to sedate me to get me on a carpet of any color or hue."  The director snickered.  "I don't even like to throw parties.  I only know about ten people in this city.  Really.  Well, except the ones in jail that I dated.  I do tend to date bad boys and girls."  Paula nodded quickly then shook her head.  "Rick said he could get a whole series out of trying to figure out which date had killed me," he quipped to Paula.

"As long as it's not prophetic, Xander."  He beamed at her.

The director smiled.  "I can see why they like you, Mr. Harris."  Xander grinned at him too.  "So, if we work out the script thing, you'll give permission?"

"Yup, even if I do have to go on psych drugs in case there's a red or pink or blue carpet sometime in the future."

"I can totally see that."  He looked at the notes.  "That's actually....  I've met a few of these.  They're fairly pretty."

"The slayers said that Tony hired for eye candy," Xander quipped with a grin.

"I can see why.  And you put how it was changed too.  That'll be helpful.  But we can add minorities?"

"Yup.  If you make him," he said with a point.  "That would be the easiest switch ever.  There was that running problem about getting women in until that dragon thing in book seven.  Then suddenly more agents got hired."  He bit his lip.  "I usually write him and him as ambiguous and that one's actually Cuban."  He sat back down with a grin.  "Would that help?"

"That'd actually help a lot and most of these I can look up online to see the basics of age and things."

"Most of them are detectives, late officers.  So thirties; Mac's somewhere in his young forties.  I think Horatio was too.  Daniel was late thirties maybe.  He's actually on a classified military project.  That would not want outed in the least beyond what I did."

"We can understand that fully.  We were wondering if you were watching Wormhole Extreme," he author joked.  Xander gave him a pointed look, getting a moan.  "It was real there?"  Xander nodded.  "Damn, but that does give me more ideas."  He got back to his list making.  "Let me work on this and I'll see if I can at least get you a chapter in a few weeks."

"I'd love to see it.  And that guy that was acting in that clip?  Was a lot like the hunter in book eight that went nuts.  Almost exactly how I pictured him only darker."

"If we do a hunters novel movie, I'll keep that in mind," the director quipped.  Xander grinned.  "Are those based...."  Xander shook his head quickly.  "Good to know.  Thank you for your help and permission, Mr. Harris."

"Just please don't get me eaten?"

"We'll try very hard not to," the producer assured him, shaking his hand as well.  They left.

Xander looked at Paula.  "I was a good boy, want ice cream?"

"Fine, I can have some frozen yogurt."  He grinned and even paid.  He had been good enough that she wouldn't make him shop for interview clothes for a while.  She'd talk Alexis into doing it.

***

Rick looked up from his shuffling cards when Alexis let Xander in.  "Tell me you didn't bring a cat with you."

He looked at himself then in his jacket pockets.  "I don't think I did.  Maybe cat fur, though I did try to lint roll."  He came over and sat down.  "Your daughter's turning into a mean *girl*, Rick.  She tried to make me *shop*."

"Girls do that," Alexis quipped.  "Paula suggested I should help you get some new t-shirts."  She went up the stairs.

"So, how did it go?" Stephen asked with a grin.

"We agreed they'd stick closer to the source material because the casting video I saw had a supposed agent banishing a demon by exorcism."  They all winced.  "So I laid that low on that count and they agreed they'll try not to get me eaten for it.  So we'll see what they come up with.  I gave tentative approval pending a script."

Rick nodded.  "Always wise.  So, are they talking casting?"

"They were talking about casting more minorities because a lot of them I didn't write a race because it's something I honestly don't see most days.  When most of the people you know look like fantasy creatures and some look like acid dreams....  You don't really remember to look at what color someone is."

"That's true.  Most of the demons you know don't look human," Rick said, considering it.  "Huh."  He shrugged.  "So, who else are we thinking about casting?"

"I have no idea.  I gave them the list I gave Donnie for the character look switches.  That way they had some ideas but otherwise...."  He shrugged.  "I just had a thought.  Buffy's going to freak out."

"Probably, yes," Rick said with a grin.  "Has Faith said anything about who'd play her?"

"Nope.  Not yet."

"Huh."  He dealt a hand.  "Guys, got any ideas on who should be cast?  This is a favorite game in LA."

"A lot of unknowns, and roles for minorities among the females," Stephen said, looking at his cards.  "Rick, what did you wipe these on first?" he joked.

"Alexis goes to college soon," he quipped with a grin.

"That's why I don't have kids," Xander said dryly, looking at his.  The others laughed.  "That and they scare me.  Kittens are enough for me."

"I'm sure they are," Rick agreed.  "Though you did okay when that baby got dropped on your doorstep."  Everyone stared at them.  "The mother wanted him to protect her."

"She learned to play fetch like the kittens do," Xander said with a grin.  "Momma was kinda confused why we sent her home with fuzzy mice."  Rick burst out laughing.

"I guess they'd be safe kid toys," Stephen said with a head shake.

"She liked them."  Xander shrugged.  "Alexis and Tara got to coo a lot and Willow was just barely pregnant so we knew what to do with kids afterwards."

"Good timing then," Rick joked.  "C'mon, what hot, young actress can you see as Faith?"

"I don't get to watch too many movies," Xander complained.  "Though the nice lady I rescued wanted one."

"If you had more female roles up front, she'd be good," Rick agreed. "But it's later that all the older slayers get activated."  Xander nodded.  "Or she could play the pouty, curly haired goddess you wrote."

"Yeah, she could.  But she won't show up until after the dragons either."

"Good point."

"Did that happen there?" Stephen asked.  Xander nodded.  "Can it happen here?"  Xander nodded even more quickly.  "Is the keystone in the same place?"

"No, I'm told it's in a field in Ireland."

"Oh, good!"  Rick shuddered.  "On that side?"  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Even better."

"Do they know?" one of the other authors asked.

"The Council has a guy who lives next to it.  Just in case."  They all grinned at that.  "It's only appeared twice in the last three thousand years or so I've been told when I put that one out.  They said if it did happen, they wouldn't blame me too hard."

"As long as you don't activate it," Rick said.  "I'd hate to see all those dragons in New York."

"The zoo could use some new exhibits.  And they kept the two unicorns on base."

"They sounded cute," Stephen said dryly.  Xander nodded.  "Soft?"

"I'm not a virgin and Binky kept staring at me like I was strange."  They all grinned at him for that.  "I'm wondering who they'll get to play Daniel."

"I like the guy who played Sherlock recently," Rick offered.

"Did I see that one?"

"He played Ironman too."

"Oh, him.  Yeah, he'd probably have fun with all the insanity."

"He has a good box office draw," Rick said.  "You have a lot of roles for young, bouncy females in their late teens and early twenties.  And a few younger ones.  A lot for guys your age and just older."  Xander nodded.  "Up to about my age.  And then there's the training team."

"I'm not sure if the movie will go that far."

"It could help.  That commando team and the switch-over was a good idea."  They all nodded.  "So yeah, some very good parts could come up."  Xander grinned.  "I know, you want to see them make Tral."

"He's so much fun."

"He is," Rick sighed.  "I hate that you addicted me to that story."  Stephen cackled.  "Did you ever get to see the taken out part of why they declared peace thanks to that tree?"

"No, but I can imagine," Stephen said, shaking his head.  "Xander's other big hit series was Tral, a half-elf who kept asking dwarves for blow jobs because they were at the right height.  Classic D&D world mythology with jokes and very low humor."

"He was one of my favorites and first when the muses went into overdrive," Xander told the others.  "I kinda miss writing him.  Paula said you could do that series on who killed me as long as it's not prophetic or anything."

"I might do that, yeah," Rick said dryly, shaking his head.  "I could get ten, twenty books out of it, kid."  Xander grinned at him.  "Think they'll include Dean and Sam?"

"Don't know.  I'm not sure if Dean's really read any of them.  I know he's read one of the hunter novels and Sam's read more of them.  Including the newest in the witches of light and dark trilogy."  He tossed down two cards.  "Please."  Rick passed him two new ones and Xander folded, getting up to get some water.

"Start some coffee please, Xander," Rick ordered.  Xander nodded, doing that for him and coming back with a glass of ice water.  "Has Paula mentioned your first book party?"

"No, I'm hoping she doesn't ever want me to."

"She probably will.  So you'll have to think about the bar."

Xander grimaced but nodded.  "They can go up to the roof via the elevator and not come down.  We can block off the stairs.  Maybe put the DJ down there so the music isn't too loud and he's not annoyed."

"That might work, yes," Stephen said.  "Keep it at mixed drinks, lighter beers, and a few bottles of wine or champagne.  Nothing that'll let anyone get too drunk and tell the bartender they can get happy but not blitzed.  They'll listen to that."  Xander beamed at him.  "When do you have to hold it?"

"I'm still hoping for never."

"Fat chance," Rick said dryly.  "Critical success means parties for publicity."  He looked at him.  "I throw a halloween party every year."

"I tend to go on a prayer vigil to make sure no chaos sorcerers show up again," he said, taking another drink.

"Huh?" one of the others asked.  So Xander told him about Ethan and his costume shop.  They all laughed at the very thought of that sort of chaos.   Some day hopefully they wouldn't have to understand.

***

Xander leaned into Paula's office.  "I'm on a run-through.  Do you have my check?"

"I shouldn't have a check."

"Did I really not sell anything?"

"I thought I sent it to direct deposit."

"Huh.  I didn't know you could do that.  I'll check with the bank.  Thanks."  He disappeared again.

"Xander?" she called.  He came back to actually come into the office.  "Call now to check for me.  He nodded, calling the bank's automated line.  Then he shook his head.  "You're sure?"

"The pending deposits are only for the cost of the house and one minor thing that I deposited yesterday.  I won eighty on a scratch off ticket and put it into the bank."

"Crap."  She called down to that office to talk to them.  "This is Paula.  I thought we were direct depositing one of my author's checks and it's not in his account.  Xander.  Yes, him."  They looked it up.  "To what account?"

Xander looked at what she was writing, shaking his head.  "That's not my bank.  I never went through them, Paula."  She said that and they stopped the payment and the other two they found.  He sat down with a huff.  "Thank them for me."

"Xander said thank you for straightening that out for him, Majorie.  Yes, I'll do that.  Thank you."  She hung up.  "I have no idea."

"Me either.  That stuff is a mystery to me."

"Can you live without it?"

"Yeah.  The last place's closing is waiting to drop today."

"Good.  Give me a few days."  Xander nodded, blowing a kiss as he stood up and trotted off.  She shook her head.  He came back.  "What?"

"If we have to throw a party, who pays for it?"

"You do."

"Then I'd rather not if we can get away with it."

"We'll see, Xander."  He nodded and left again.  She huffed but made notes on what was going on then went to visit them in person.  "Whose account was that to?"  They all shrugged.  "Can we find out?"

"I don't know, but we've been paying two authors to it," the head person said.

Paula looked at her.  "Why would we?  Xander's not with anyone, especially not another writer."  They all gave her a horrified look.  She went up to talk to the VP about this.  This was a problem in the making.  "Sir, do you have two minutes?" she asked from his doorway.  "I think I'm foreseeing a problem."

"With one of your authors?"

"No, sir, somehow two author's checks were being sent to an account, the same account, and one said it's not his.  And payments doesn't seem to think that's a problem."

"Hmm."  He waved her in and got into their files using his executive privileges.  What he saw amused him completely.  "Yes, that is a problem, Paula."  He let her see it.

"That's not either of the ones I noted."  He loaded more of the transactions.   "Xander Harris, Alexian Harris, asked about his and it went there."  She pointed.  "That was his.  Who is this?"

"I don't know."

"Sir, Rick Castle works with some detectives.  Should I ask him for one to visit?"

"I'd like to do this in-house."

"So would I but that one has two kids to support, I met her years ago, and that one's elderly."  He grimaced.  "And that's one of Castle's checks.  So he'd probably call himself."

"Crap," he muttered, going back a few months.  "All right, tell him to come see me with a detective.  Please."

"I can do so."  She called him.  "Rick, Paula.  We have some suspicions of someone moving royalty checks to the wrong account.  That would be fine.  Please do with them?  The VP right now.  Thank you."  She hung up.  "He's worked with one in Robbery and he'll get him to join him here within an hour if possible."

"Thank you for that discretion, Paula.  How did we find out?"

"Xander asked about his and checked with the bank."

"I heard he just built onto a warehouse he owns?"

"He inherited a storage warehouse that has some neat...trinkets in it.  He built a wonderful house on top of it, sir.  Very nice rooftop area for book and publicity events as long as they're not terribly huge.  Maybe fifty people tops."

"That's reasonable.  The boy's never in the press."

"He doesn't really understand too much about social situations at times.  He's a bit shy."

"That's reasonable."  Rick walked in.  "Is he with you?"

"Yes, he is.  I caught him out getting coffee actually.  How bad is it?  I know I've been wondering when my last one was coming."

"It's there too," she told him.  He grimaced.  "Detective Demming," she said, smiling at Beckett's former boyfriend.  "Thank you for your timely help."  She let him see what they had found so far.

"That's clearly embezzlement," Demming agreed, frowning some.  "I can get with the bank to stop that account immediately."  He called their number and talked to a branch manager about it.  They put a hold on the account and he promised he'd be down there within an hour with evidence for them.  They printed out those records and he left to do that.  That was very odd and probably a very bad sign.

Rick looked at her.  "So probably within weeks?" he guessed.

"You have another one coming up in about two weeks.  That's scheduled and I'll make sure I have them cut you one for it.  Xander and my others too."  She went to make that order official and he followed to help charm them into doing it without suspicion or complaint by complaining lightly about Alexis' shopping habits so she was making her take Xander for upcoming events.

***

Xander looked into the morgue.  "Lanie, if I tell you that your guard out here is passed out will you not kill me?"

"Is he dead?" she called, walking out of her office.

"Smells like diabetic breath."  She called someone and came out to check him.  She gave him a pointed look.  "Paula ordered me to have a publicity event next month and I have no idea how to plan things.  I asked Beckett and she said she always went to you for advice so I was hoping you maybe had a list of people I had to ask?  And who I'd have to pay?"

"I can help you sort one out, Xander, yes."  He beamed.  The paramedics got there.  "Got a glucometer on you?"  They nodded and stuck his finger for him. "Yeah, he's high.  That's in the six hundreds."  They picked him up and took him off calling the ER to warn them.  She went in to wash her hands and helped him go over what made a decent, calm party.

Not like the boy was going to host one of those wild, fun parties.

***

Xander smiled at the reporter who had just interviewed him, pulling the envelope out of his back pocket.  "Paula wanted me to throw something more social than for Rick's poker circle," he said, handing it over.  He grinned.  "I knew I'd be here so I hand-brought it."

"That's darling, Xander.  I know you're not the social butterfly some are," the book reporter said with a smile.

"I usually have no idea how to do any of these things," he admitted.  "Beyond inviting people over to admire the new house a few weeks back, I don't really know how to.  No one I know threw parties."

"Aww.  DJ?"  He nodded.  "Bar?"

"Light drinks only.  I really can't *stand* heavy drinkers."

"With your parents, that's reasonable and I'll make sure no one says a *thing* about that, dear.  Why the party?"

"I think Paula's going to have good news that she wants me to announce and it's my fifth anniversary of being a published author the night before."  He smiled.  "Which is the official reason she selected."

"It's good she's helping you."

"Alexis Castle has helped me a *lot* about social manners and things.  My parents didn't want me to use small talk or anything so I asked her and she's been a huge help."

"That's sweet."  She smiled.  "How many are invited?"

"Thirty-seven.  Fifteen authors, Castle's family.   The detectives he works with who arrest my dates for me.  Five reporters."

"Oh, dear.  Who did you snub?"  He gave her a confused look.  "Give me your invite list, Xander."  He found it on his phone because he was going to ask Rick later if he had forgotten anyone important.  She looked it over, then stared at him.  "You left out the three really important local book critics and one other."  She wrote out their names and addresses.   "Add them.  How big is your new garden area?"

"Fifty comfortably Paula said."

"That'll work."  She added two more names.  "Both up and coming that need the publicity but will not be too wild or annoying," she said with a smile.  "And they've been wanting to meet you about the rumors of the DCIS movie."  He beamed.  "Really?"

"We're...tossing ideas around."

"Hmm.  Interesting."  She smiled. "Add them today."

"Tara and I did them on the computer," he said with a grin.  "I thought it was nicer looking and we got some pretty stationery for it."

She looked and smiled.  "That is very pretty, dear.  Good idea."  She winked and he beamed.  "Add those today."  He nodded and hugged her, taking the list with her.  She called Paula.  "I checked Xander's invite list and added three he snubbed and two up-and-comings that will not cause him problems but who could use the publicity and *really* want into DCIS."  She listened.

"Since he had to see me today, he hand delivered mine and it's very nice looking.  Yes, I'm sure you are.  No, he forgot the one at the Times and the other two larger ones.  Yes, he'll do that today.  I'll make sure no one complains about the light bar as well.  Paula, he'd never let drunks be around him after his parents," she reminded her.  Paula agreed with that.  "Good.  I'll see you then."  She hung up and wrote a charming article about Xander's new trilogy in the hunter's series.  Which was a dark, nasty, dirty, sexy read.

***

Paula walked up to where Xander was hiding at his party, handing him something.  Xander read it with a frown, then smiled at her.  "That is the weakest scene he got.  So your muses traveled."  She beamed at him.  He beamed back.  "We'll be signing it?"

"Definitely.  Just please get me someone who can tell me what I have to wear for red carpet things."

"Of course."  She patted him on the arm.  "The music is wonderful.  The bar is weak but we all knew to expect that from you.  Everyone's having a nice night with the dessert buffet in tasting size portions."  He beamed and bounced on the balls of his feet.  "So....  Should we do the toast now?"

He nodded, looking down at the DJ, waving a bit.  "Toast," he said.  He nodded, cutting the music after that song.  Xander got a glass of wine from the waiter because he needed the liquid courage.  "We are here to celebrate two reasons tonight," he said, earning a lot of looks.  He took a sip and grinned.  "Not only have I been a published author now for five years.  I'm sorry I've ruined your nerves so much, Paula."  He grinned at her and she swatted him on the arm.

"I run her and my editor ragged so thank you both for making me sound like a great author when I know I'm mediocre at best."  The group all smiled at him.  "And."  He took another sip and raised his glass.  "I believe I need to sign something for Paula."  She handed over the contract, letting him have Rick's signing pen.  He signed it where it had a highlighted mark.  "And with this, there will be a DCIS movie."  The crowd clapped.  He handed the items back.  "To continuing on with the things that drive us all nuts."

"Congratulations," the crowd cheered, clapped, and drank to that.  The music restarted and it gave them new things to talk about.

Rick walked over.  "Good job," he said quietly.

"Thank you.  I'm nervous as hell."

"I know."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "Smile."  Xander grinned and the reporter took a picture.  "Nice party too.  Very quiet and tasteful.  You and Lanie did a great job."

"She talked me through a lot of things."  He looked around, smiling at the two actresses.  "Ladies."

"Who is going to be doing casting, Mr. Harris?"

Xander looked at Rick.  "The producer and director usually do.  Who's doing it?"  Xander handed over the contract.  Rick read it over, nodding.  "Pauline is the head producer with Jackob behind her."  They beamed at him.  "I'm not sure when they'll be doing it.  They're working on the script right now."

"Who's directing?" one asked.

"Teller."  He smirked.  They both smiled and went to talk to the reporters.  They'd both *love* to play slayers.  They had both done some action work.

One bounced back.  "Is there someone we can talk to about being a slayer?"

"There's two, one's in LA and one's here," Xander said.  "I'll see if they will.  Buffy's a bit... of a princess at times."

"Cool.  Thank you."  She bounced off.

Xander looked over at Faith, who was giving him strange looks.  He smiled.  She strolled over.  "That is freaky news," she said quietly.

"The lovely actresses wanted to know what being a slayer is like."

"Ask Papa John to teach them hunting?" she quipped with a grin.  "Because B would whine."

"You know, she read the series and thought it was really nice."  Xander finished his wine and put the glass onto a waiter's tray, getting a smile for that.  "Thank you, guys.  Great job so far," he praised.  The waiter moved on.  "I don't know, Faith."

"Let Dean do it.  We can do a joint hunt or something."  She drank her beer.  "Thanks for this, X."

"You're welcome.  And hey, this means Paula is going to punish me by making me shop again."  Rick nodded with a grin.  "Damn."

"It'll be fine.  She'll send the little one with you again," Faith quipped.

"Quite possibly," Rick agreed with a smile.  "Or Mother."  He sipped his own drink.  "I like how you did the music.  It's not overpowering and it's nice.  He's playing good stuff."  He walked off to talk to Beckett.

Xander looked at Faith.  "I'm so screwed when Giles hears," he whispered.  "He's so going to freak out."

"Call G out there.  Gunn's got multiple ways of delivering news and running."

"I can tell Spike, let him tell them."

Faith considered that.  "He'd torment them with it.  Gunn would be nicer."

"True."  He called, pulling her onto the planter next to him.  "Gunn, us," he said, putting him on speaker.

"Xander.  We heard you were having a party tonight.  It was on the spoiled starlette station."

Xander laughed.  "We are having a party to celebrate my fifth year as a published author and to announce that I signed a contract earlier with a producer."

Gunn winced, you could almost hear it.  "Hunting?" he asked, sounding like he was ready to shudder.

"DCIS," Faith said.

"Oh," he said flatly.  "Well....."  He paused.  "Huh."

"Think you can announce it and run?" Faith asked.  "If not, he's going to let Spike do it."

"Yeah, I can announce that.  How much is that payday?"

"I didn't look but they're staying close to the source material," Xander offered.

"That'll be good for the harmless population," he decided.  "Huh."  He hung up.  Xander and Faith went back to mingling with the party people.  Gunn walked into the 'living room' they used.  "People," he said, smiling at Joyce.  That would keep down the swearing because she'd swat.  "Xander and Faith just called."

"It looks like it's big news," Cordelia said with a smile.

"He's getting more than published."  He tossed down the first in the DCIS series.  Cordelia had gotten it.

"Oh my god, they're making it a movie!" Cordelia squealed, beaming at him.  "That's great for Xander's career!"

"It's horrible for the demon community," Buffy complained.

"He said they're staying close to the source material."  She gave him a long stare.

"He wouldn't let them do it if they didn't," Angel said.  "It'd get him killed."  He looked at Gunn.  "So it's a done deal?"

"He signed the contract earlier.  He's having a party to celebrate his fifth year as an author and they did it then."

"I wonder how far they're going with the movie," Cordelia said.  She called.  "How far are they going in the series?"  He said something and she grinned.  "That will be killer.  Thanks, Xander."  She hung up.  "Through the really bad first case and the pulling together of the agency.  So the end of book two."

"A lot of good female roles," Wesley said.  "Positive role models in demons and bad ones both.  Very even handed if they do it right."  He and Angel shared a look.

"He suggested if I couldn't break the news, he'd let Spike," Gunn said.  Willow whimpered and leaned her head on Daniel's shoulder.  The baby cooed at him.  "Hey, sprout."  Gunn patted her on the head.  "So it's great news for Xander and something we need to spread around."  Angel nodded, going to tell the others in the local community.  They had loved the series.  Hopefully they'd like the movies too.

***

Tara walked up to Xander before she left.  The party had been nice and calm, which she appreciated.  "Are they freaking out?"

"We called Gunn and let him tell them."

"Buffy will pout if they don't get her right."

Xander shrugged.  "They're staying true to the books."

"Good."  She patted him on the arm.  "Nice job.  No matter how much that one reporter complained the bar wasn't fully stocked."

"I had a nice chat with her about how I had to be talked into having a bar with my parents."  She smiled and nodded.  "You look very nice tonight.  Are you going to evilly tease Beth?"

"Yes.  She's looking forward to it."  She smiled and walked off.

"I'll be hiding tomorrow," he said.  She smiled back at him then went down in the elevator on Beth's arm.  Xander looked around the area being cleaned up.  "Guys, you so rocked," he announced.  He put down their checks and the manager took it to go over any extras.  The bartender's bill wasn't too steep.  The DJ was paid up front.  They faded and Xander went to fall face first onto his bed, with the kittens coming over to knead the daddy's back for him.

It wasn't bad for his first and only party.

But he never wanted to do it again.

***

Paula smiled when Xander walked into the meeting room.  "Is traffic that bad?"

"No, I got pounced by a reporter.  Twice."  He sat down with a sigh.  "Sorry, guys.  She wouldn't let me go.  I started to think she was evil enough for me to date."

The other author smiled.  "Here."  Xander took the script to read through, nodding.  He made one correction.  The author looked.  "That was changed because it was so stereotypical."

Xander grinned. "The Council hates me."

"I figured they did.  Anyone who exposes those things probably would be."

"Oh, yes.  Almost all of them are Brits.  Making him Spanish...  That would make the 'oh dear lord' glasses cleaning strange."  The director laughed.  "He so does.  Wes too."  He considered it.  Then he leaned over to whisper.  He got a nod and a grin back.  "That's cool."  He crossed that out and they kept going.  "I like a lot.  That's really close to the books, a lot of good plans.  The only thing I saw was that the First Evil could change shape into anyone who had died to torment you but you guys barely pressed on her story."  He handed it back.  "Nice job and I like that.  Even if Paula does make me shop."

The director smiled.  "You announced it?"

"I signed the contract.  Paula made me have a party."

"And I had him do that theatrically," Paula admitted.  "I'm used to Rick Castle's theatrics."

"That's actually wonderful and the reporters this morning were all happy," the director assured them with a smile.  "Though your party was called quiet and slightly boring."

"I have no idea how to do party things," Xander admitted.  "I was a geek in high school and on patrol.  I never went to parties."

"From what I heard, it wasn't bad.  Quiet, no drunks, sounded good to most of us," the producer assured him with a smile.  Xander beamed at him.  He could learn to like this guy as long as he didn't get too pushy.  "You invited actresses?"

"One of the book reporters told me to."

"They were very nice," Paula assured him with a smile.  "They wanted to suck up to Rick as well."

"Both of them wanted to stalk Faith to see what being a slayer was like," Xander told her.  "She suggested they talk to Dean."

"Dean would flirt horribly," Paula said.  "But his father might be forced into it."

"John doesn't like attention being put on hunters," Xander told them.

"I can see why," the director agreed.  "What sort of training do the girls get?"

"When they're called, the Slayer spirit, basically an imprint from all the prior slayers, gets given to them.  With it comes knowledge of weapons, fighting styles, faster healing, stamina, and strength."  They nodded.  "Buffy had gymnastics in her past.  Faith had street kid in her past.  Kendra, the only other one I knew, was raised by the Council.  They're basically taken in from as early as possible and raised by their future watcher."

"So it's a lot of physical fight training."  Xander nodded.  "Swords?"

"Yup, and stakes.  Crossbows."  He grinned.  "Buffy loathes guns.  But she loves artillery."

"Huh.  Okay."  He made those notes.  "So very physically fit, fight training in some scenes."  He nodded.  "We can see those.  Clothes?"

"Buffy wore skirts on patrol, thick heeled gogo boots at times, sometimes backless shirts."  He pulled out his wallet to show them off.  "That's Buffy.  She wore that on patrol a few times."

The director looked at him.  "The others were more practical?"

"If they were Council raised, Kendra had an outfit."

He nodded.  "Okay.  So the council raised ones were more uptight and the others who got missed are more relaxed."

"Some raised by hunters, some had no idea.  They escaped."

"We can handle that," the director said with a smile.

"Cool."  Xander beamed.  "I'm looking forward to it."

Paula smiled.  "Sounds like we have a plan."  They all smiled and they talked finer details.  Including casting suggestions.

"Rick said the guy who played Sherlock should play the head guy," Xander said.  "Somehow casting suggestions came up during the poker game a few weeks back," he said when they stared at him.

"Actually, not a bad fit," the producer admitted.  "I wish there were more older female roles up front."

"So did they.  But .... Hendricks, who plays a more important part in book four and five, and then disappeared, could've been though he wasn't."

The author nodded.  "That's a good point, and he got there right after the invasion.  So if there's a sequel...  That's a good casting spot there," he told the director.

Who nodded.  "If there's a sequel, that'd be a good point to slip someone in."

"That ending scene, if we're going to think sequel that's the setup shot."  They all agreed at that.

"Just please, not the girls on the Disney shows?" Xander begged.  "I can't see them doing anything like being a slayer."

"No, I can't see Hannah Montana being a slayer," the director assured him with a smile.

"Thank you.  I know there's not many in that age group...."

"Not that few.  There's a lot of unknowns that could be used," the director assured him.  Xander beamed at him for that.  "What does the lead slayer look like?"  Xander pointed at the picture.  "That's...  hmm.  She's pretty."

"She's very pretty.  She's also very strong.  And she'll kick my butt."

They smiled.  "What about one of the popular, hot girls right now?" the author suggested.

"Someone like Megan Fox?" the producer asked.

"More plain and more delicate," Xander said.  "There's a lot of 'looking delicate as bait'.  She's hot," Xander said.  "But they do a lot of club hunting.  Both of them."

"So...  Oh," the director said, pulling out his phone to look up someone.  "What about her?"

Xander stared.  "She's beautiful, delicate looking but probably isn't."

"She's up and coming," the director said, showing her to the producer.

"I liked working with her on that one minor thing.  She had a good work ethic, she was sober, she's a good actress."

"If Natalie Portman was younger," Xander said, considering it.

They smiled.  "There's a lot who have that same delicate yet strong build," the producer said with a smile.  That was a good suggestion.  The script got approval and it was great.  They had a green light.

***

Xander walked into the Demon City Council's chambers.  "I come bearing news."  They stared at him.  "But I can wait if you're busy."

"We were just arguing about stupid things," the head of the Council said.  "What has happened now?  New vision?"

"DCIS is going to be a movie."

They all stared at him.  "I saw something about a casting video."  Xander shook his head.  "You fixed that?"

"They're staying very close to the first two books."  They all smiled at him.  "In about a year and a half."

"That's possibly good news for us and the community," the head of the Council said.  "Though the ones in LA may be driven insane being asked what some species look like.  Do your cohorts know?"

"We told Gunn to tell them."

"Wonderful."  She smiled.  "Thank you for that warning."

"You're welcome.  I did insist that they stay close to the books."

"I know you would, Xander."  He beamed and bounced out.  She rubbed her forehead, looking at the others.  "If it's good and close to the books...."

"It may actually be a good thing for the community now that it's out," another agreed.  They all nodded.  "So we'll wait and see?"  They all sighed but nodded.  "No wonder the LA council is mute today."  They all nodded and went to tell others.

***

Xander ducked into an alley, staring around.  "Shit, I'm lost, that's always helpful," he muttered.  He quietly went toward the other end of the alley, coming out on a slightly more familiar street.  He was near to where they first lived.  He headed left and toward more people.  The ones chasing him hopefully were lost.  Nope, there was someone shooting at him again.  He crossed a street and to a cop.  "Someone's shooting at me," he said, hiding behind him.  Xander did not want to hear the fit if he took them on himself and he wasn't sure he could get all of them by himself.  He was exhausted trying to dodge some of them.

"Freeze!" the cop said, pointing his gun at the guy running with one.  That guy took off and the officer took off after him.

Xander relaxed, panting and catching his breath.  "I'm out of shape," he muttered.

"Yes you are, boy," a male voice said.  Xander came up and kicked him in the stomach, then punched him.  The guy dropped his gun and fought back.  Another cruiser pulled up and stopped.  "He's attacking me."

"That gun's his and I ran behind the officer in this cruiser because his buddy was shooting at me," Xander countered.  He backed off and the guy pulled a knife.  Xander kicked at it, getting cut on the ankle but the knife got kicked onto the sidewalk.  Xander spun and got the guy coming up behind him with another knife and got sightly stabbed but that guy screamed when Xander broke his arm and threw him at the first guy.  The other one had a gun.  Xander stared at him.  "Really?  With an officer here?"  He pointed.  The guy shot at him and the officer shot back.  Xander took a deep breath, looking at him.  "Thank you."

"Welcome, sir.  What is going on?"

"They have a contract out on my life.  They just upped it.  The officer for this car ran off after one who was chasing me."  He caught his breath again, nodding.  "Him."

"This one is a psychotic idiot," that officer said, handing him over.  "More of them, sir?"

"Yup, same people.  They apparently really want me dead," Xander said, staring at them.  He took a deep breath.  "Okay, do I have to fill out reports?"

"Sir, you need medical attention," the first officer ordered.

Xander looked then at him.  "I can stitch those myself.  I've had worse."

"What do you do?" the second officer demanded.

"Now, I'm a fantasy author.  Before, a demon hunter."  They both gave him odd looks.  "Hi, Alexian Harris."

The officers nodded.  "We heard about you," the second one said.

"They have a contract on my life.  Thank you, guys."  He took a deep breath.  "I...."

"Let us get some paramedics, they're going to the ER anyway," the second officer said.  "Sit on his hood."  Xander did that.  Paramedics showed up within minutes.  One checked Xander, one checked the others.  They weren't in good shape.  Xander suddenly dove at the paramedic, knocking him down, and the officer talking to them, when someone shot at him again.

"Sir," the officer warned.

"Sorry."  His hand eased off his gun.  They let the officers handle it.  More officers showed up, including Esposito.  "Not my fault," he said when he spotted him.

"Council contract?"  Xander nodded, swallowing.  "You good?"

"I'm a bit pissed off and I'm mentally counting explosives."

"No, you let us deal with it," Esposito said firmly, staring at him.  "Because they fired on us this time.  We really want them now."  Xander forced himself to calm down.  "Just stay calm.  Do you need more than stitches?"

"No, he only needs about six," the paramedic said, taking care of the new graze on the officer.  "He said he can do them himself?"

"Yes he can," Esposito said.  "Unfortunately he's a bit tough that way."  He looked at him.  "What happened?"

"I was at the bakery that I got her the baklava from.  I was going to get her a cupcake for her birthday."  Esposito smiled and nodded.  "And then one of them came in so I left.  I recognized him, he's on a bag and tag team for the Council.  He had come after Buffy once.  So I tried to disappear."

"Good idea," Epsosito agreed.

"He took a shot at me.  I ducked into an alley, hit this street, and came toward the officer.  I was trying to be good and do it the normal guy way."

"We like that," he assured him.  "He fired again?"

"He did when I tried to cross the street so the officer was looking around.  I slid behind him and told him, he took off after the guy.  I was resting and that one showed up," he said with a point.  "We fought then the other officers showed up.  Then the other guys who attacked."

"Okay," Esposito said.  "Guys, any evidence of ID's or anything?" he asked.

"One has a passport.  Brit citizen."  The officer held it up.

Esposito looked and nodded.  "We have him on the list of people that the Council hires to handle things."  He handed it back.  "They go to homicide.  They have a contract out on this one's life for being himself."

"How much is it now?" Xander asked the one that was glaring at him.  "The last I knew it was three-point-two."

"Five," he said smugly.  "More than worth the effort for the general public. We'll get you yet, Harris."

"Yay."  He shrugged.  "I'll just date them."  He smirked.

"Please don't date another assassin," Esposito said dryly.  "The last one tried to poison you."

"The one last night did too.  But she was really good in bed."

Esposito nodded.  "Have we arrested her?"

"She's on her way to Geneva today."

"Huh."  He texted that.  "Beckett said you're doing the stitches at the station."

"My med kit's at home."

"Yay.  We can stop by and pick it up.  Beckett orders and you know what that means."

"Can we get lunch?  I'm starved."

"Yup."  He looked at the staring officers.  "Yes, demon hunting made him that tough."  They just nodded.  "Homicide."

"They're on their way now, detective."  They filled out forms and let them go.

Esposito drove Xander to his house so he could pick up his medical kit, and something to eat, and then to the station.  Captain Montgomery stared at them.  "Long run," Esposito said.

"I get hungry too," Montgomery said.  "Bathroom, kid?"

"I just need a mirror and somewhere I can sit next to it.  Thank you."

"We'd rather have you here than being chased down the street," Montgomery said.  He walked off. "Maybe you'll switch to murder mystery writing," he said dryly.

"Paula wants me to switch series anyway," Xander quipped back, cracking the captain up.

"Bathroom," Esposito said with a point.  Xander took his tackle box kit in there.  The lunch went onto Ryan's desk for now.  Ryan stared at him.  "Shooting him while chasing him down the street."

"How much is it now?" Beckett asked.

"Five."

"Wonderful," she said dryly.  "Go help him."

Esposito walked into the bathroom.  Xander was perched on the sink counter, shirtless, with a pair of latex gloves on and a stitching pack open.  "Need help?"

"No, I'm good."  He took a deep breath then took the first stitch.  He winced a bit but it was easy to do after so many times.  He got it closed and snipped the last stitch then used an alcohol pad he had open to clean up around it.  He taped a pad of gauze over it then took off the gloves.  All the mess got bundled into the second glove and got tossed in the biohazard bag in there.  Xander checked and then put on his shirt.  "There, done."  He smiled slightly.

"You've got nicer stitching than Lanie does," he said.  "You better?  Calmer?"

"Still counting explosives and poker debts."

"Don't tell us that.  Okay?  We might have to arrest you next."  He smirked.  Xander nodded, following him out there.  "He's done."

Beckett looked up, staring the kid down.  "They fired on the NYPD.  You don't have to worry that they'll be dealt with."

Xander smirked and kissed her on the head.  "I was buying you a cupcake for your birthday when he showed up."  She swatted at him.  He grinned.  "I don't think I'm that predictable.  Can I go taunt?"

"No."

"Damn."  He sat down in the chair she pointed at, opening his sandwich to eat.

"How can you eat?" Ryan asked.

Xander looked at him.  "Because I had a ten block run under fire and this is breakfast.  I'm starved.  If they get free and come after me, I need to be ready to run again."  He ate another bite, shaking his head.  "Not my best effort."

Esposito shook his head.  "Up all night writing?"

"Worrying."  He ate another bite.  "Movie."  They all nodded.  They had seen Castle doing that angst dance over the script and things.  Xander pointed when someone stomped in.  "Consulate staff," he said quietly.

Beckett stood up and walked over to him.  "I'm Detective Beckett and your people were firing on a young man while chasing him down the street.  They endangered countless lives."

"They have diplomatic immunity."

"I have not seen any paperwork on that and if so, I'll call the State Department."  She stared at him.  "We don't just take your word for it since they also shot at officers trying to get the young man in question."

"I'm sure they had a reason," he sneered, looking back there.

"Tell your daddy to lick my balls.  I'm not rolling over and dying for the Council's fun," Xander said dryly from his seat.  "They're damn lucky I didn't fire back."  He finished his sandwich.  The guy from the consulate stared at him.  Xander chewed and stared back.   "I have poker debts I can blow."  The guy glared harder and turned away again.  Xander looked at himself then stood up and disarmed.  "Just in case, guys."  The consulate guy gave him a horrified look.  Xander sat back down again.

Detective Ryan looked at the pile then at him.  "Were you expecting trouble?"

"I was going to help guard a bride later today before her marriage.  I got asked and it's a great honor."

"Sure," Esposito said with a nod.  "You needed that much?"

"Yes.  If she's killed it's a clan incident and they'll start shit."

"Okay," he decided.  "We can go together if you want."

"I don't know if they'll let me since I have recent wounds.  I can check."  He got his phone off the desk and texted them.  "Yeah, I can do that and the groom's mother is trying to deny her the right to marry her son.  So I have to go."  He stood up, looking at them.  Beckett waved.  "Thanks."  He rearmed and walked off.

Esposito looked at Beckett.  "Follow?"

"No.  Not right now.  Faith might be there."  The guys both nodded.  "Call State," she mouthed.  Ryan looked up their number and called them to handle this situation before Beckett had to stick her four inch spike heels up someone's ass.  She was a bit pissed off.  That was always a bad place to be in life.

Rick walked in and Ryan got up and walked him off.  "The Council guys were trying to kill Xander in a running shoot-out.  You can't be here because they don't know you're friends."

"Got it.  Want coffee?"  Ryan smiled and took the tray, letting Rick walk off.  Rick went to the library and texted Beckett to let her know that in case she needed him.

***

Xander walked up to the bride, seeing the black eye.  "I can help you cover that."

"Where were you?" she demanded.

"Someone Council was trying to kill me on the open street."  She gaped.  "They're all fucking nuts."  She sighed and sat down.  "Guys, get me her foundation and some concealer.  The things you learn by being surrounded by girls," he quipped when they stared at him.  He got the black eye covered and she smiled.  "There, let's go."  She got up and he leant her his arm.  They walked out of the back room into the groom's mother and a few guards.  Xander pulled a gun and pointed it at the mother, staring at her.  "Really?  We're going to do this now?"

"She is not worthy," the mother sneered.

"You're just jealous because your son loves someone more," he shot back.  "Which makes you more pathetic than my mother because you're a controlling bitch.  Like a stage mother."

She gasped.  "You compare me to a human!" she demanded.

"Hmm, yup.  I did."  She walked off wailing.  That was a horrible insult.  Xander stared at the guards.  "Silver tipped," he said dryly.  They ran from the gun.  Xander walked her out, handing her to the priest.  Who had watched it all.  Xander smiled at her.  "Many happy returns, much happiness on your union and womb, and may the love stay solid for years to come," he said in their native language, earning a hug around the neck from her.  The priest walked her in and Xander stayed in the doorway, as was proper.  The husband stared at her and came to kneel at her feet, like he was supposed to.  The priest married them and the party started.  Xander faded off happier with his day.  That was a good way to end the day.

***

Back at the squad room, Beckett looked at Esposito.  "Did we clear the weapons out of his warehouse?"

"We can't get all of them," he complained.  "The thing's freakishly huge and there's no telling what the former owners put in there."

"Good point.  But we did get the artillery, right?"

He nodded.  "We've been good about helping him weed that down again."

"He runs the warehouse?" the consulate member demanded.  "THE warehouse?"

"Yeah, he inherited it from one of his evil girls."

He went in there to talk to them and call Travers.  "We cannot touch Harris.  He controls the warehouse."  They all stared at him.  "He inherited it."

"Yeah, during that curse incident," Detective Ryan said as he joined them with someone.  "The thing's strange but pretty neat.  We've all helped with some of the inventory."  He smirked.  "The State Department wanted to talk to you about this stupidity."  He got out of the way, going to watch.

"What is going on?" the official asked in a snotty tone of voice.

"It's a moot point now," the consulate official sneered back.

Beckett walked in and slammed the door.  "Let's talk about your people's contract on an author, shall we?"  The guys all stared at her.  "And how some of yours shot at officers today.  Plus endangered everyone on those streets by shooting as they ran."  The State Department guy gave her a dirty look.  She stared back.  "Welcome to the NYPD.  We take things like that personally."

"Yes you do," he agreed.  "The whole department would."  He was a diplomat, he knew how to handle huffy, irritated people.  And make the others get deported.  Then he'd handle this...contract on an author and US citizen.  Though it was nice that someone from Homeland, the NSA, and the Pentagon called to see why they were bothering him.  So clearly that one was not someone to be looked at too closely.  Which was odd for a fantasy author.  He'd have to do some careful checking in case he needed to introduce himself over other matters.  Authors traveled a lot, right?  Who knows what trouble he'd get into.

The End.

Chapter 20: Attention Bad!

Xander gets more attention for being Xander and doing Xander things.  Plus the trailer for the movie is out and a few other things happen around him.

"What would you do if you won the lottery?" Rick asked Xander during a poker game.

Xander gave him a horrified look.  "Don't wish that on me!  I get enough attention as is!"

Rick grinned.  "It came up on a case recently."

"So?"  He shuddered.  "That's a horrible fate.  A really, truly horrible thing.  There'll be more press people and things.  Lots of nosy reporters asking me stupid questions.  People who want things.  I'd never be able to get rid of any remaining relatives."

Rick patted him.  "Calm down, Xander.  It was a hypothetical."

"It was close enough to a wish that someone could use it," Xander said dryly.  "It's bad enough I ended up in a high magic world thanks to someone wondering what I'd do when I was forced to deal with more magic."  Rick and the others gave him an odd look.  "Just don't ask," he said dryly.  "You don't want to know."  They all nodded and one made notes.  "Please don't wish more publicity on me?" Xander begged Rick.

"Sorry, Xander.  I know how you feel about wishes."

"Yeah, after dating a wish demon, I hate that word."  He sipped his lone beer of the night.  "That would really complicate things.  Right now, H&R Block can do my taxes in under 2 minutes.  That'd make them take forever and cost more."

"No investments?" Rick guessed.  "It takes me about an hour."

"I have a retirement account.  I pay someone to handle it and send me reports because I know *nothing* about it."

"Is it someone good?  If not, you can lose it all really fast," Stephen told him.

Xander shrugged.  "Paula suggested him."

"Then he's probably decent," Rick said.  "Don't they give you things to give to the IRS?"

"Yes.  I bring it all and the forms filled out to the best of my ability so they can correct things.  Last year it took them a whole five minutes.  But I got back a lot."

Rick nodded.  "Are you putting in quarterly contributions?"

"Yup.  The investment guy does that for me.  I overpay a bit to get that nice big check all at once."

"Want my guy to look over yours' shoulder?" Rick offered.

"I hope it'll be fine.  If not, I'll have him eaten."

The others snickered, shaking their heads.  "So, how's the movie coming?"

"It's distressingly good," Xander said, starting to pout now.  "So that means I'll have to go to an opening and maybe even other things."

Rick patted him on the back.  "Alexis said she'd dress you."

"Paula said she shouldn't.  She wanted me to go to someone official.  Someone with a *name*."

"Eww," Rick said, shuddering.  "We'll let Alexis go with you to that appointment then.  Since she has taste and has done that sort of dressing before."  Xander beamed and hugged him.  "Thanks, Xander."  Xander let go of him and went back to his cards.  Rick made sure Xander didn't have any more beer that night.  He was clearly the cheapest of cheap dates since half a beer was making him goofy.  "Did you find a new series yet?"

"Yes," he sighed.  "And I hate it already.  It's boring.  It's got soul swords and it's boring."

"So write something funny," Stephen suggested.  "Like Tral was."

Xander shook his head.  "Paula wanted me to write a normal fantasy.  Though there's another ten things on my computer she doesn't want to see."

"Bad or dirty?" Rick asked.

"Yup."  He finished his beer and went to get some water.  "Anne Rice-y and worse than that one dark hunter novel."  He sat down again.  "Donnie, my editor, got it; he said he had to take a cold shower and it was too much porn for normal stories."  He took a sip and put his glass down on his coaster.

Rick shook his head.  "How descriptive were you?"

"Not really.  But there's some blood play and some vampy vamps and some wannabe vampy vamps."  He sighed.  "Donnie said it'd never get published and warned her.  She told me to leave it on my computer and put it up on the website if I ever get it done."

"It looked fairly plain but nice," Rick assured him.

"She thought it was too plain.  I told her it was nicely subtle.  She told me it was nice I had expanded my vocabulary to include that word.  So I reminded her of the midol aisle in the pharmacy again."  Rick choked but shook his head.  The others laughed.  "It might be a bit boring but it's not blinding, the colors are pretty but maybe a bit dark, and I'm happy with it."

"Which is all that should matter," Stephen assured him.

"She's being picky," Rick told them.  "I'm not sure why."

"PMS," Xander said dryly.  "It's pretty clear she's on her spacer pills.  She's even wearing a lot of brown, red, and black.  Believe me, I learned that color scheme *real* early thanks to Willow and Cordelia."  He sipped his water while the guys laughed.  "I'm just glad that Willow was wrong and I wouldn't get one, guys.  She swore up and down that we'd all three have one soon enough.  Even when her mother said that boys don't, they just get sympathetic ones.  Willow did a whole presentation in health class on why guys did get PMS, how it was only hormonal, and how midol should work better on us instead of them."  He took another drink.  "The teacher agreed with her."

"Your former school system needed bombed sooner," Stephen assured him.  Xander beamed at him.  They all smiled back.  "Are any of the teachers teaching elsewhere?"

"No idea.  You'd have to ask Willow."

Rick sent a text message out to LA.  He got one back.  "Yes, she's found four of them in the Unified LA School District database and turned them in for being idiots."  He put his phone up again.  Of course, it chose to ring instead.  "Castle," he answered, listening.  "Yup, I can be there.  Sorry, guys," he said as he hung up.

They all gathered their things and left with him following so he could lock the door.

"Xander, when are you going to host games?" Stephen asked.

"I forgot to buy food this week.  If you guys want, tell me when and I'll get chips and stuff.  Just remind me that day or the muses will suck that from my brain, even if it does end up in a story."  The guys all patted him on the shoulder because they knew that already.  Rick had complained when his ideas got infected by Xander's muses.   Especially about that joint story that neither one would admit to having written.

Xander went home to write, again, and try to work on his distaste for the standard fantasy novel that wasn't going well for him.  "Maybe if she grew some backbone and went to rescue him," he muttered as he settled in behind his desk to write.  Nope, that wasn't working either but the guy with the herpes sores and the cloudy eyeball was apparently going to be the hero.  Which would be a good message for people reading it.  He could stand that.  Hopefully.

***

Paula walked up to where Xander was weeding his tomato plants, staring down at him.  "Why did you totally trash the hero and the heroine?"

"Because that's the only way it got done," he said, staring up at her.  "Before I killed them off."

"I see."  She stared at him.  "You're being erratic again, aren't you?"

"No.  I just hated that storyline."

"You need a good hero."

"Sometimes you need a bad hero, or one who limps, has a bad eye, and oral herpes sores," he shot back.  "The next one has a paraplegic getting a horse and going into battle."  She walked off shaking her head.  He shrugged.  "It's a good message," he called after her.  "Have some chocolate, you'll feel better."

"I'm fine, Xander," she said before slamming the front door.

"Sure you are," he said dryly.  "Maybe Rick knocked you up to cause the mood swings but of course you are," he muttered to his plants.  The kittens came running down from the rooftop garden, one hissing at the others as she chased them damply through the house.  "Did they push you in again?" he called.   She'd come get comfort later, after she had made whichever one scream.  And there was the kitty torture noise so yup, she had gotten him back.  She ran out being chased by one of the others and climbed up in his shirt.  He looked down the neckhole, petting her through it.  "You're wet."  She meowed.  "I know, it's not your fault."  He petted her again and got back to his plants.  He was happy having some vegetable plants.  Even if Tara had gotten pushy about them.

Then he went back inside to work on the new story.

It was a good, positive message.  Which he was known for.

Even if Paula didn't like it.

***

Alexis walked Xander into the store she had selected with her grandmother's help.  "Hi," she said with a smile.  "This is Alexian Harris.  I'm his approval committee."

"I see him down for an appointment," the receptionist said with a smile.  "Special event?  Wedding perhaps?"

"No," Alexis said with a grin.  "My dad's Rick Castle."

"Oh!"  She smiled.  "So you're just helping him shop?"

"One of his books is being turned into a movie."

"Oh," she said less enthusiastically.  "So he's got to be able to do things."  Alexis smiled and nodded.  "I'm sure we can help with that, dear.  Go ahead and sit down for a few minutes.  He's running late from his lunch screwing a new model."

"I remember getting girls that way," Xander sighed, shaking his head.  "They hate my muses.  Even the bad girl society I usually draw hates my muses."  The receptionist giggled but called him to let them know he was there.  A few suits wouldn't get him out of bed but it'd hurry him some to let the poor model get out of his clutches faster.  The designer came down from his office smiling and shaking their hands, leading them off with Alexis telling him about the movie premiere and about when it'd be.

Xander just looked like he was having wallet shock syndrome, which they were used to.  But they'd make him look fabulous so he'd remember them for more important clothes.

***

Xander walked into Paula's office and stared at her, then pulled something out of his front pocket and poured it on her.  She shrieked.  "Get out of her," he ordered, glaring at the demon.  It fled in a cloud of smoke.  "I was hoping it was just mood swings from being pregnant so I could fuss," he said dryly.

"No, she's only been in there for two days," she said with a small pout.  Xander held up the letter he had gotten.  She read it and ripped it up.  "If so, I'd take you and Rick to form my own company."  He grinned and handed her another vial.  She put it into her tea and drank it quickly.  "Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome, Paula.  Not like I'm dating right now," he said dryly.  "Make sure?"

"I will."  He smiled and left.  She called up to her boss, who she knew was possessed.  "If you make Xander leave us, I'll take him and our other best selling authors to my new publishing house," she noted.  "I know that, sir.  Xander just fixed mine."

The demon wailed that he was in the building.  All the other demon possessed people went to attack him but he was going to be nice.  He had a nice super soaker in the car that he managed to grab and come back in with.  The two uniformed officers who saw him just winced at the screaming before coming in.

"They're possessed," Xander chirped with a grin.

"Is that why they're smoking that way?" one of them asked.

"Yup."  He kept going and they all ran.  Xander chased them down to get them all.  He tossed one of the officers his keys.  "Can you please get the blue zippered lunch looking bag from my trunk?  I need more holy water."  He nodded, going to do that.  He left the shotgun in the proper equipment bag out there.  He came back and Xander went to anoint the newly freed ones and track down the last few.  "Keep it up," he shouted.  "Watch me stop writing and start dating again!"  The rest fled at that notice.  Even the higher ups' demon fled.  That left two possessed people that weren't carrying demons.  Xander stared at them.  "Yes?"

"You're not supposed to be doing this," one of them said.

Xander nodded and threw something else on them, making them shriek and flee.  "Yeah, I know that."  He walked off once they were back to being human.  "Go to church or wherever," he ordered as he walked off.

One of the officers stopped him.  "How did you know they were possessed, sir?"

"My publisher tried to fire me when I make them obscene amounts of money," he said with a grin.  "She's said often enough that she'd bring me with her if that happened."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "Who are you?"

"Alexian Harris."

"Related to that other guy?" the other officer asked.

"Alexian's my pen name, guys.  My actual name's Alexander or Xander."  He grinned more brightly.  "I love most of the people in this building.  Otherwise I would've left them possessed."  The officers nodded.  "Am I in trouble?"

"No.  Why don't you go visit the detective so she knows?" the one questioning asked.

"I guess I can.  Thanks, guys.  You were really helpful."  He grinned and took back his keys, grabbing his bag on the way out.

The officers shared a look and went to check on the people.  A few were crying.  One was stony faced and in denial.  Paula was soothing her boss's ego.   She noticed them.  "We wanted him to do that.  He had better not be in trouble."

"No, ma'am, we suggested he talk to that nice detective we heard he deals with about his dates," one of them said.  "Should we call an ambulance for anyone?"

"I think we'll be fine," the Vice President of the publishing house said quietly.  "Thank you, gentlemen."  They nodded and left it at that.  He looked at her.   "He's brash, young, and overly reactive."

"He said he was sure I was either possessed or having pregnancy mood swings."

He snorted.  "I'd hope not.  Is he still putting out viable works?"

"Sir, I have a few years of backlog on him *still*.  We love him for making us so much money.  If you do anything to jeopardize Xander being such a good author, I'd have to take him and some of our more popular ones to a house I'll form."

He sighed.  "I suppose that's a good thing.  You'd steal Castle too?"

"Of course."  She smirked.

"Fine."  She put a vial on the desk.  "What's that?"

"Holy water to drink later on to make sure it's not still in there, sir."  She left him alone to brood.

He poured it into his bottle of water, shook it up, and drank it.  He couldn't tell but the remaining taint of the demon could and fled.  He felt better and he did still like that young man.  Even if the demon did like him for different reasons.

***

Xander walked over to where Beckett was typing and scowling at her computer.  "I was a good boy."  She groaned so he went on before she could say anything.  "I unpossessed all the people in the publishing house, including the two angelic ones.  The officers who helped said I had to tell you so you could bang your head against someone."  He grinned as he walked off.

She looked up from her typing, watching him walk off.  Then she looked at the other two.  "I didn't see him."  She went back to her reports.

"Yup, me either," Esposito agreed.

"Me doubly.  I clearly need my eyes checked," Ryan said.  Ten minutes later, they had a pizza show up mysteriously but it was from Castle.  It had a note that said Xander had said they needed lunch and he had the flu.

"He's a civilian helper so it's not above the bribe line," Esposito decided, getting himself two slices to go back to his own paperwork.  Ryan got his own and Beckett got the last few.  Captain Montgomery was gone for the day with meetings the higher ups had called.  So it was good for them.  They even got to go home on time.

***

Xander walked up to the guy that had requested, nicely, to talk to him in public.  He stared at the guy.  "Do I know you?"

"I'm with the State Department, Mr. Harris."

"Yeah, okay," he said, considering that.  "Did I create an international incident?  Insult a whole race of people?  Get a jihad on my head for something?  If not, I have no idea why you wanted to see me."  This was clearly a sitting down speech so he sat on a park bench and got comfortable.  "Sit, please.  You look nervous.  You're sweaty."

"Sir, who in the hell are you?" he asked calmly.  "When that Council thing happened, there were a lot of people checking on you."

Xander sighed and pulled out his wallet, showing his oldest ID.  "I'm the one that turned in those cults," he said quietly.

The guy looked that town up and saw some disastrous things.  "Military...."

"Got moved to the UN and then Homeland.  Agent Finn was part of that; he's the one that outed the SGC."

The guy kept going.  "They have you down as an intelligence asset?"

"I do hear things from the underground demon community and I'm a seer," Xander said, glancing around then at him.  "I only see the really horrible shit though."

The agent kept going and finally had to put it up.  His head was throbbing from his brain's smoke taking up all the extra room and oxygen it was getting.  "Why did the CIA check on you?"

"You know, I'm not real certain unless it was one of the people I dated," Xander offered with a small shrug.  "There's that one guy that gave me the nuclear warhead.  He was CIA."  The agent was giving him the strangest look so he held out a hand.  "May I?"  He handed it over and Xander got into another file, letting him see it, grinning at him.  "They're the only ones who want to date me."

He read that file and yup, he was going to have a stroke.  "You dated more than one CIA agent."

"Yeah, I kinda figured Kim was."

"Not her, she was NSA."

"I hate those trolls.  They were partially behind the Initiative mess."

The agent whimpered at one notice, staring at him.  "That other you....."

"Home."  He grinned.  "His boyfriend showed up to help him get home."

"Good!"  He shuddered.  "That's a really horrible thought."

"Yes it is.  I hate attention.  Attention gets me in trouble.  It was bad enough I had to talk to the people doing the movie from my book to tell them about my publisher being possessed and no, I hadn't removed my consent, but now you're freaking out and I don't mean to do those things."

"I realize that, sir."  He stared at him.  He thought quickly.  "How often do you leave the US?"

"Hardly ever.  I've been on one overseas signing trip and I want to go again next spring.  Is that going to be a problem?"

"You'll need a bodyguard because that file did have a blood test result attached.  Which horrifies me."  Xander nodded he knew that.  "Your last one?"

"One of the SGC guys I met when I accidentally bought a cabin next to them sent me one of his people."

"Ah!"  He nodded.  "We'll see if he can pick you a good one."  Xander beamed.  "Are you planning on dating more?"

"I haven't gotten a date in weeks.  I haven't even gotten down and funky in a club in weeks.  I'm about to pout about being celibate."

"I understand fully.  Before I was married I had that same problem occasionally."  He considered it.  "Let me know, personally, when you travel outside the US?  That way I can make sure that no one tries for that blood test?"  Xander nodded, taking his card to put into his wallet.  "I will say that those Council people have decided it's wrong to try to kill you."

"That's because I inherited a mystical artifact warehouse."

"Is that the one you live overtop of?"  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Wonderful."  He smiled.  "Just let me know so I can pay some attention on your proposed route.  That way I don't have to step in and stop someone from kidnaping you for that sort of thing."  He walked off, seeming calm until he got in his car, drove off, and was in the Holland Tunnel stuck in traffic.  Then he screamed and ranted until he was calmer.  By then, he had gotten free of the tunnel and it was time for dinner.

Xander went to meet with the producer, walking up to where she was giving a statement.  "I did not withdraw any consent from the project," he told the reporters.  They all stared at him.  "I like the script.  I like the casting.  I'm freaked out about the whole 'movie' and 'attention' things but they're doing a really great job.  That did not come from me."  They babbled and he held up a hand.  "Calm down.  I know I babble but please?  I just had to be reminded that any overseas trips I take need to have a bodyguard in case I date."  The producer stared at him.

He shrugged.  "My last one was a pretty decent assassin."  He looked at them again.  "I like the job they're doing.  I haven't withdrawn anything.  I have no idea who's causing this problem or who's saying this, but I want to find out and stomp them flat.  All right?"  They nodded and left.  He looked at her, shrugging some.  "I have no clue.  I depossessed Paula and most of her office.  I don't think I missed one."

"No, this came from someone else.  A lawyer?"  She let him see the letter.

"No, mine for stuff is Jacob Pertez.  Down on Madison, Rick gave me his name," he said with a hand wave.  "Who is this person?"  He looked at her.  "I say we visit together.  Because I want this guy's ass in the ground."

"We can do that," she agreed, walking off with him.  "You do like the casting?"

"From what I've heard and seen of it, I've liked it a lot.  The kittens love to sit on the remote and watch food network or E!."  She laughed.  "Really.  They take a bath and it hits the buttons.  That's about when I'm reminded to eat dinner."  They got a cab and went to that office, Xander calling his own lawyer to see if he knew him.  He didn't.   Xander walked into the small, scruffy office, smiling at the receptionist.  "I need to see this idiot who's trying to pretend to work for me when he doesn't," he said, holding up the letter.

She stared.  "Sir...."

"Now.  Or else I'm calling the FBI for identity theft.  My actual lawyer assures me I can.  And then sue the hell out of you people."  He smiled.  "Or simply kill the demons fucking with me."  She called back there frantically.  He smiled at the higher level demon walking out, greeting him in his own language.  "I'm going to kill all of your clan.  Leave me and my shit alone," he said firmly.

"Another person involved asked me to stop that."

"I don't give a fuck, you signed my name to it."  Xander stared at him.  "If it was someone else complaining, they'd come after me, not the movie.  So stop it," he growled, letting the hyena come forward.  The demon gave him a horrified look, backing up with his hands up.  "I'm not in the mood for this.  I have to go spank Buffy anyway."

"I'm sure it will be epic, Knight," he said, swallowing hard.  "The demon community...."

"Can blow me.  They're staying true to the books," Xander said.  "I've seen the script, approved of it even, and gave them casting help.  Now, is there anything else you want to try before I sue your ass in multiple courts?  Both human and not?"  The demon shook his head.  "We certain?  Because I consider this screwing with me.  And we know what happens then."

"The slayer is sick."

"Who said I need a slayer?  I did do the job for *years* while they thought I was *normal*."

The demon nodded and swallowed.  "We will withdraw the complaint and the chaos sorts who are trying to help."

"Tell them if they owe me, they'd better be paying quickly.  Because I can always go find some of the neatest stuff in my warehouse.  Or the weapons warehouse."

"You guard...." he hissed, staring at him.  Xander quirked an eyebrow up.  "Oh, dear," he squeaked.  "We are most sorry, Guardian!"  He bowed.

"Just stop it.  Now."

"Yes, I will have all that ended before you end us."  He rushed off.  "My clients will be quite upset but that is their own problem."

"What client?" Xander called after him.  The demon ran a file out and then hid again.  Xander read it over.  "Hey, one of the Wolfram and Hart idiots who didn't get caught after the invasion."  He smiled at the producer.  "I think it's going to stop."

"I never thought you were scary, Mr. Harris."

Xander gave her a goofy grin.  "I'm not until you screw with me.  I'm known for only dealing with those who're hunting or hurting others.  I've always been a fair sort until someone tried with me."  He beamed at her.  "And then I react, growl a bit, find some weapons, and then go write dark smut."  He walked her off.  "Want a latte?"

"Are you sane?" she asked.

"Outside of my muses?  Yeah.  I'm just a hunter.  We're mostly like this.  We see the worst things that humanity and demon kind can do to itself and others," he said once they were in the cab.  "We have loose ethics because hunting is still destroying bad things."  She nodded.  "Which is why DCIS is much different than the hunting novels.  I put some of my personal experience into them but it's the roaming hunters' style of doing things instead of ours.  DCIS uses the style my old team used back in Sunnydale more often than not."

"Interesting.  Thank you for protecting me."

"They shouldn't be trying that and screwing with a hunter is always a bad idea.  We're used to having to hunt, stalk, and handle things as necessary.  Be that digging up graves to banish spirits or hunting down vampires to stake or behead them."  She shuddered.  He smiled.  "I'm mostly retired unless it's an apocalypse."

"That's good to know.  Is LA going to have another one?"

"Spring is generally apocalypse season, though now and then you'll get a smaller one in the fall, usually right before Halloween to Yule.  Somewhere in there."  She nodded she'd remember that for later projects.  "Buffy's people deal with that in LA."  He smiled.  "I heard a few of Gunn's crew had gotten on-set jobs as extras and things to make sure no one touched you guys."

"That is very nice of them," she agreed, relaxing again.  "Was he a harmful sort?"

"Well, he was a lawyer, so they're mostly scummy."  She giggled.  "That does carry over.  In LA, Wolfram and Hart are the big bad guys.  Like New York, the demon community is mostly balanced and peaceful, with a few hotheads and those looking for attention.  You guys even had a self-help vampire starting his own group to make them more self-aware and better minions."  She laughed, shaking her head.  "Seriously.  A vampire I went to high school with joined them."  He shrugged.  "Wolfram and Hart are the ultimate bad guy lawyers.  This one... nowhere near their scale of evil shits.  He was annoying and they were using him as a smoke screen because they knew someone was going to show up there soon if I caught them screwing with me, the hunters I still talk to, or the slayers."

"That's good to know."  She smiled and paid for the cab fare as they got out at her hotel.  He did buy her a coffee, heard about the upcoming previews.  The trailer for the movie was coming out in six weeks.  She'd be sending him a copy so he could show the others.  And angst in private.  She had scheduled the premiere showing in LA and New York so he had to have nice enough clothes for those events.  He put them into his phone and texted that to someone else.

Then they went over the idea of a sequel if it did good.   He pointed out where things could happen and some of the more dramatic parts leading up to the invasion.  They could end on that.  That would leave a nice room for a third installment if they wanted or nicely end it as the whole thing being set up and in the open.   He also slipped her the newest series when she asked to see it.  Both of them actually because he was proud of the 'not only the pretty ones are heros' message.

***

Xander let Paula in that night, staring at her because she was staring at him.  "What?"

"You threatened that lawyer?"

"Yup.  Promised to take out his whole clan for fucking with me.  Sent the folder on who had ordered him to do that to my contact in the LA FBI office since it was Wolfram and Hart.  Then the producer and I talked about when things were coming out."

"Good."  She relaxed.  "Will that get you in trouble?"

"He's a lawyer."

"I know, they're evil."  He nodded.  "It won't get you banned or anything?"

"No.  Oh, and earlier today I spray painted over the invitation marks on your building and spiked the water coolers with holy water thanks to Tara.  So there won't be any more demon problems.  We did warn the three half-demons on staff though."

"That's very nice of you."  She smiled.  "Are you all right?"

"Yup, just a bit freaked out since the State Department guy wanted me to tell him when I left the country next time.  Can I go on a signing trip next spring?"

"Yes."  She smiled.  "You showed her the newest series?"

"She asked."  He shrugged.  "I showed her the one you didn't like and the other one.  She thought that the positive message was a great thing."

She rolled her eyes.  "You were still a bit graphic with his herpes sores, Xander."

"Not everyone who does the job is muscular, has great hair, perfect teeth, tanned skin, and drives a hot car.  I sure as hell don't look like that.  The only one I know of who does is Dean, and slightly less in Sam - he got counted down in hair points."

She swatted him on the side of the head gently.  "Quit putting yourself down."

"Yes, Paula."  He grinned at the kitten sneaking their way.  "She'll yell if you pounce her shoes again."  She bent and petted the cat, letting it sniff her shoes for her.  "She's been very inquisitive.  I had to save the hot pepper bush from her the other day."

"Some cats are like that," she agreed.  She relaxed.  "You should always give me new stuff first."

"You said you hated them."

"I don't *hate* them.  I don't think they're very saleable."

"So maybe they're movieable."

"Maybe, that darker one sounded like it."  He led her to the office, letting her copy down the first of those books.  She looked in his 'to be sent' folder and got those too.  "You need a vacation, Xander."

"That's why I want to go signing."  She smirked.  He grinned and got something, handing it to her.  "Why I spray painted over that invitation mark."

She read it and sighed.  "No, I did not fire you."  She looked at him.  "I'll talk to him.  If not, I have plans."  He beamed.  "That would release all your stuff with us back to you to redistribute.  I'll help you with that."  She patted him on the cheek.  "Have a quiet night, Xander."

"I was going to go clubbing."

"No, don't get press attention."

"I need laid, Paula."

"Call Maribell or whatever her name was.  She just got bail before her trial."  She gave him a pointed look then left.  She had to talk to her boss about being stupid, and then a few of her authors.  That would make her more money though.

Xander looked her up in the papers and called her cellphone.  She answered it cheerfully and agreed they could have dinner.  He gave her the new address, cleaned up the living room and bedroom area, showered and changed, then went to wait on her to show up.  She was a very interesting woman who loved weapons as much as he did.  She even cooed over his axe.

***

Beckett walked into the station to start her day happy.  It was probably going to be a body-free day.  Her paperwork was done.  She had a great breakfast on the way in.  It was payday so she was in a great mood.  She sat down, started her computer as she put her coffee cup in its rightful spot.  Then she looked up and spotted the bruised looking young woman coming in.  "Ma'am, did you need to file an assault report?"

"No, Xander kicked their asses for busting into our hotel room."  She sat down with a wince and a hiss, shifting in a painful way.  "I'm allergic to cats so our dinner got moved to a motel room.  Unfortunately there were some gang kids or something.  Maybe demon gang kids.  Not real sure.  He's *very* impressive."  She shifted and moaned a tiny bit.

"Did those gang kids do that to you?"

"Yes, one managed to land a few blows but Xander about ripped his head off.  And then I calmed him down, which was my mistake.  Now I know why he used to date a nympho.  She could stand him in bed."  She deflated, looking at her.  "Can you please revoke my bail?  I can't lie worth a damn and if he calls to set up another date, I'll forget I'm *really* sore right now and say yes.  I like the guy.  He's a sweet, nice guy.  He's great in bed, in the kitchen, and to his cats.  Some day he'll make a great dad I think.  But he wore me out, Detective.  I know you like the boy so I'm sure you understand."

"I do, I've had a boyfriend like that in the past," she admitted.  "You could say you're busy."

"That would be a lie and like I said I'm horrible at lying, which will make him pout and I'd give in to stop it.  Which would mean more oral sex."

"He made you that sore with oral sex?"  She nodded, blushing and ducking her head a bit, pushing her hair back behind her ears.  "Let's get a statement about the assault.  I'm sure the hotel would need one for their insurance.  Plus to cover Xander's behind if someone tries to say something."

"They were trying to take him out to stop the new DCIS movie.  He pointed out to the living ones that it wouldn't stop it at all, or possibly the newest ones he had written.  That was when the officers got there to arrest them."  Beckett went looking for that report, finding it and amending it with her statement.   It could only help.  "Can you please have my bail revoked and put me in solitary?"

She looked at her.  "The papers said you wanted out to attend a funeral."

"That's next week."

"I'll talk to Xander for you."  The girl hugged her.  "Go soak or something."  The younger woman handed over the CD from her purse and left.  Beckett ran it, blushing when she realized the arms dealer had taped last night.  She and her coffee took the cd to Xander's house to hand it to him.  Xander was stretching on the balcony near his vegetables.  She cleared her throat.  Xander looked under his arm and wiggled his fingers with a grin, finishing his stretch.  "You made her too sore."

"Oops.  It was only oral sex."

"She couldn't sit, Xander."

He blushed, shrugging slightly and looking at his feet.  "I tried to be nice but she wanted more."

"I'm sure the tape would say that."  She held it up.

"She did?"

"Yup."

"That's going in the safe," he said, taking it from her.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Pick on a more needy bad girl who'll tell you when she's had enough."

"I haven't had any in weeks."

"I heard."  She smiled.  "Be a good boy, Xander.  Were they demons or humans?"

"Mixed.  The Hell Born."

"I've heard a bit about that gang.  I'll look into it.  You be safe."

"I'm trying.  Paula and her boss are fighting over me right now.  You might warn Rick to call her later and see if he'll proofread something for me since Donnie hated it?" he asked hopefully.

"I can do that.  Go copy it for me."  He jogged into the office, moving the cat off the laptop's cover so he could open it and save the file onto a thumbdrive.  The CD got put into the safe while he was in there.  She took it with a smile.  "Rent one, Xander.  We have a whole lot of classy rent girls in this city who have nothing."  He grimaced.  "I know but if you're that desperate...."

"I'd usually club."

"I'm sure some women and men have very fond thoughts of that."  He blushed brighter.  She smiled.  "I have a few from my wild youth too.  I do remember how it was, kiddo."  She left, going back to the office.  She tossed Rick the thumbdrive.  "He said to please tell him how it is since Donnie hates it and to call Paula.  She and her boss are fighting over him."

"I heard last night.  She's going to start her own publishing house on the second of next month."  He looked at the thumbdrive.  "Which one is it?"

"I don't know.  He didn't say.  Just that Donnie hated it."

"Donnie is his paid editor."  He texted Paula, getting one back.  "Hmm, new fantasy series."  He put it into his pocket for now.  "Anything else going on?"

"His date last night got interrupted by a mixed demon/human street gang," Ryan said from his desk.

"She came in and asked if I would have her bail revoked because she couldn't lie worth a damn if he asked her for another date," Beckett said with a smug look.  "She couldn't sit either."

"He was rough with her?" Castle asked, grimacing.

"No, it was all oral sex according to them.  She didn't say whoa."

Ryan opened and closed his mouth a few times then shook his head.  "I don't need to know how he did that.  My girlfriend would complain."  He got back to his last report.  Esposito strolled in.  "Xander's date last night went freaky and then went to oral sex good enough his date couldn't sit."

Esposito considered that.  "I want to know how he did that so I can't."

"He's said in the past that the nympho he dated, Anya, he had to teach her what it was," Ryan said with a grin for his partner.  "And she was a six, seven a day girl."

"Ah.  So probably hours...."

"And they had gotten attacked earlier so he was calming down after the fight," Beckett assured him.  "She didn't tell him to stop."

"Yeah, if I could stand doing that for hours, someone would be really happy with me too."  He sat down.  Rick tossed over the thumb drive.  "You came with paperwork?"

"Xander's editor hated that and he's not sure why.  He wanted an unbiased opinion and since you're not busy," Rick said with a grin.

"Sure.  I like the kid's stuff most of the time and I hate fantasy novels."  He got into it, reading along.  By the end of the first chapter he was sweating.  A lot.  He was trying really hard not to get noisy too because they'd pick on him.  He looked up, clearing his throat.  "They'd have to make it really edited."  Rick came over to read over his shoulder.  Ryan  rolled his desk chair over to do the same, staring at the screen.

"That's ...." Ryan said.  "No wonder you were moaning."

Rick read it, nodding.  "No wonder his editor hated it.  He hated the hunter novels having sex too."   Esposito copied the files onto his own backup drive and let him have the thumbdrive back.

Captain Montgomery came out of his office to read.  "Is that a report?" he asked dryly.

"Xander wasn't sure why his editor hated it," Rick said.  "He asked for an unbiased opinion."

Montgomery shook his head.  "Anne Rice can't do that."

"I hate that kink and it's hot," Esposito said dryly, shutting it down.  "I'll read that later."  He went to shower and change clothes.

"At least we won't be running out of hot water," Beckett quipped.

"No, we won't," Montgomery assured her, going back to his office to call his wife.  He loved his wife and her vanilla ideas about sex.

Ryan got his own copy and so did Beckett.  They could read on their own time at home.  Esposito came back looking calmer.  "Thanks, buddy."

"Welcome."  He sat down and shook his head.  "They can't turn that into a movie."

"There's a huge goth population who'd love the thing," Beckett said, looking up.  "Remember that vampire case?"  He whimpered.

"Xander said that the producer for the DCIS movie had asked to see it."  Rick shifted in his seat.  "Maybe he'll have to bribe Alexis to help him get a few other outfits for carpet appearances."  He considered it.  "What sort of knife was that?"

"A K-Bar he doesn't have," Ryan said.  "It's one of the utility ones I think."  He looked it up.  "The leather handled game hook knife, which is about 50 bucks."  He got out of there before he got any ideas.  "I did like how he talked her into it," he offered.

"That was good," Esposito agreed.  "The whole 'you lick your finger when you get papercuts' start was good."

"No reading that on our time," Montgomery called from his office.

"We're not," Esposito called back.

Rick got onto Beckett's computer and beamed it to his reading program on his phone, letting her have the computer back.  He settled in to read it, getting a bit sweaty and hot himself.  His daughter thankfully saved him from making an ass of himself when she showed up with a huge lunch for him, and any leftovers could be passed out.  He looked up at her.  "You may not work on Xander's new series.  You're much too young."

"I'm working on his 'anti-hero' message story, Dad, not that one."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "I took the hint when he shut down his computer completely because he spotted Tara coming in to check on him with me."  She smiled.  "He said she was too young for it so I really was."  He nodded, giving her a hug.  "Is it bad or is Donnie's boss being a prude again when he looks over his shoulder?"

"I didn't think his boss could do that," Rick admitted.  She nodded.  "Huh."

"He's trying to turn them toward more serious books.  I was doing some community service hours helping him with a fundraiser when his boss stormed in and complained that fantasy novels weren't serious books.  Donnie pointed out he had a contract with Xander for years now and it wasn't really the company's business since it hadn't been included in their takeover.  Apparently the last takeover left them being independent contractors and the company's not really supposed to say anything.  But he's a prude and a Scientologist.  He was complaining that they were editing a medical textbook too."

"You'd figure since a sci-fi author started that religion they'd like them more," Ryan quipped.

"You would," Alexis agreed with a smile for him.  "You should read the other one.  It's got a very positive message not concealed very well about not all heros looking like action stars."

"Paula complained a lot about the herpes sores," Rick said dryly.

"He's blind in one eye and he limps too," Alexis said with a grin.  "He has to save the semi-stupid typical hero and heroine sort because they're too dumb to continue to breathe air without instructions."  She sat down.  "He just gave me the next one.  It's got a paraplegic who feels so strongly about the war going on that she hires herself a helper, gets strapped to her horse, and goes into battle that way.  It's like Joan of Arc in a wheelchair.  They're pretty good reads for the young adult section.  He's just started on the last one.  I think it's going to be a real 'geeks can do great things too' story."

Paula walked in.  "Rick, it's official.  My former boss is an idiot."

"You know I'll stay with you and so will Xander."

"Donnie's boss is driving him nuts by interfering with his contract work," Alexis offered with a grin.

"I've already talked to him, dear.  He'll be the new editing department."  She smiled.  "He wanted all of Xander's new things back once that happened."

"He'll need an ice bucket," Esposito told her.

"I haven't even looked at it, I just took his word for it," she sighed.  "Anyway."  She smiled at Rick.  "Your next book is due when?"

"It's being proofread," Alexis said with a smile.

"Thank you, dear.  You make your father sound smarter."  She patted her on the shoulder.  "Shouldn't you be in school today?"

"No, it's a free day."

"That's fine then.  Want a ride home?"

"Okay.  I only brought them lunch."  She hugged her father again then left with a wave for the others.

"I wonder what he'll come up with next," Beckett said.  She ate a bite of her sandwich and nodded.  "Egg salad is really fresh."

"Mother was teaching her how to make it the other night," Rick said with a smile.  The guys all dug in and it was good.  When Lanie came up because she didn't have anything to do, they gave her the extra sandwich.

***

Xander watched the trailer by himself the first time.  He stared at it, trying hard not to whimper.  Then he decided he needed a poker game.  So he got things for it and called over to Rick's.  "I need to distract myself because the trailer's here.  I got chips coming.  And pizza."  He hung up.  The guys all showed up and Rick brought the poker set since he knew Xander didn't have one.  "Hey, guys.  Thanks for taking my mind off things," Xander said with a slightly insane grin.

Stephen looked.  "Review?"

"First trailer."  Xander winced.  "It's good."

Rick turned on the tv and dvd player, letting it play.  They all watched it and they decided it was a good job.  Then they got down to poker.  They could all use some distraction.  Even if the kittens did try to adopt someone for their daddy to cuddle later.

Stephen looked at his lap.  "I know I wrote about you guys a few times, but you can't keep me."

Xander looked down there.  "Homer!"  She scampered off.  "At least she's not damp because one of others pushed her in the pool again," he quipped.  They all laughed.  "It gives a whole new meaning to sleeping on the wet spot on the bed."  That got a cackle from Rick and it being written down.  He sighed, looking at Rick.  "I have a nice, semi-casual blue suit now."

"Shirt, shoes...."

"Cufflinks," Xander admitted with a grimace.  "Hair gel.  Am I forgetting anything?"

"Tooth whitener.  You want a pretty smile because even if you have to force it you need to smile."

"I can do that I guess."  He made himself a note and got back into the game.  "So, do we think it'll make me buy a tux too, guys?"

Stephen shrugged.  "Maybe for special effects."

"Never bet on those things.  The groups that give out awards like things that don't usually have mass appeal," another of the guys warned.  Xander nodded, relaxing again.  "If so, don't bring a date, Xander.  They might need to kill someone in the room."

"I won't.  Or maybe Tara."

"Tara would swat you very hard," Stephen said dryly.  "Remember, she's still shy."

"Yup, I do."  He petted the cat crawling up his leg and got back to his cards.  He looked down.  "You're not my cat.  Where did you come from?"  It faded out.  "Huh."  He plucked the note off his leg and read it.  "The community is pretty happy with the trailer that they stole to watch."  He put it under his chair for now.  The others all shook their heads and money changed hands between two of them.  Xander shrugged but grinned.  "What else did you expect from me, guys?  It's all bad girls, lots of sex, and muses in my house."

"I think I brought one of yours home after the last game," Stephen said, glaring mildly at him.  Xander just grinned.  "It helped where I was stuck with something but it's bored without cats to play with so I'm hoping it came with me."

"Mine do," Rick told him.  "Every now and then my muse borrows his to play with."

"Someone wanted to know if there was a sequel to that mystery writer's novel," the other guy said.

"What mystery writer's novel?" Rick and Xander said in unison.

"We all know," Stephen assured them.

"Denial is my life," Xander quipped.  "I deny myself some fun, I deny myself some of the meaner bad girls who could last long enough in bed, I deny that I had anything to do with that novel."

"Your last one apparently begged Beckett for mercy," Rick told him.

"Yeah, she told me that."  He shrugged.  "I didn't mean to make her sore but she didn't say she'd had enough oral sex."

"If I ever write things with sex scenes, I'm going to come to you for inspiration," Stephen quipped with a mean grin.

Xander nodded.  "I can help with that if you need ideas.  I'm trying really hard not to let the non-traditional heros get any."

"The other series got enough for them and the lack of snuggling in DCIS," Rick assured him.  "I have *never* needed a shower after reading a book.  Cold or otherwise."  They all stared at them.  He pointed at Xander.  "A bit kinky even.  Especially that scene in the park."  Xander grinned.  Rick patted him on the head.  "I know you needed it, but really, Xander."

"I don't know where it came from.  It woke me up," Xander admitted.  "Like Tral did."

"It's about as addicting too," Rick complained.  Xander just grinned.  "They might want to turn it into a vampire movie."

"That would really suck for the park scene to turn into a snuff scene," Xander quipped.

"That was one of the hotter ones," Rick sighed.  "Though the new vampire epidemic...I mean style...."

"I gave Buffy those books so she could cackle her butt off.  Angel too."  Xander shuddered.  "Those things are a disease.  The vampires in Sunnydale formed a support group to hunt her down and show her what real vampires were, without turning her because they didn't want her to be one of them."  Rick snorted, shaking his head and ante-ing in.  Xander did the same and then folded a minute later when he looked at his cards again.  The other guys smirked.  "Yes, I forgot my caffeine fix this morning," he said dryly.  "I've been fluttering around all day considering some problems."

"What problems?"

"Beckett had to give me a CD my last date made."

"Ooooh," Rick said with a wince and a hiss.

"With what you date, it's probably not the only one in existence," Stephen agreed.

"Which is what I was thinking but how would I get them back since most of them are in jail?"  He shifted.  "I thought about writing them to make sure and to see if they'd voluntarily hand them over."

"Most of yours might," Rick admitted.  "Did you tell Paula that yet?"

"Yup, I babbled at her earlier about those thoughts.  She didn't want me to write them.  It might bring more attention to them.  That if they came out, it was the bad girls' fault."

"Perhaps," Stephen said.  "Though you're bi so that might cause a stink."

"I've said a few times I'm bi in the press."

"That may help then, yeah."

"Though you seem to get more sex than the guys who date porn stars," Rick complained.  Xander grinned at him.  "They're just as unhealthy for you, Xander."

"I know, but they're the only ones who like me.  You've seen that effect in action."

"I have," he agreed.  He answered his phone.  "Castle."  He listened.  "No, Mother, I'm with Xander.  Why?"  He got up and turned on the tv, changing the channel.  He watched the nice segment.  "Huh.  Thanks."  He hung up and called Paula.  "Oh, good, you do know."

"I never dated her," Xander complained.  "That's one of Tara's dates before Beth."

Rick repeated that.  "Thank you."  He hung up.  "Since you have to talk to Patty tomorrow at the Times, expect that question."

"I can do that."  He shook his head, getting some more soda and putting on coffee for the guys.  They smiled and came in to get drinks and go back to the game.  The wench that went on tv saying that they were dating was delusional.  So yeah, probably Xander's type of girl instead of Tara's.

***

Xander looked at the reporter.  They were in the local office's interview room.  Patty had set him up with one of the ET people to fix that tragic story in the making.  "Thank you for asking me in person about that woman's fib."

She smiled.  "It's good to talk to up and coming people like you, Alexian.  It helps to get some things straight.  You're usually very quiet on the press front."

"You guys scare me," he said with a grin.  She smiled back.  "Really.  I'm kinda nervous around you guys."

"I get that.  It's something you have to get used to."  She smiled at the camera then at him.  "So, a Miss Michele Ambrigula came forward and said you're dating."

Xander shook his head.  "That's not her name.  The only woman I know who looks like her was named Mara and she dated Tara.  Who is like my sister.  I don't think I'd ever date a lesbian and I'm not redneck enough to ever date her girlfriends anyway."  She laughed.  He pulled out a picture.  "That's her, right?"

"That is her."  She looked at the back, noting the name.  "That's not the name she gave."

"Exactly.  Though I'm pretty sure we're not dating anyway because if I was dating, I'd have more than the cats to cuddle at night right now."  She cooed at that.  He grinned.  "I am looking for someone nice to date.  As I draw the deadly, dangerous sort, maybe one who wants to give up most of his or her bad girl ways for me.  Someone permanent would be great.  I haven't had someone permanent since before I started publishing novels."

"So you are bisexual?"

"I've never hid that and others have asked."  He crossed his feet.  "I go on personality, I go on suitability.  I don't go on which hole I'm using."  She blushed.  "Sorry to be blunt."

"No, I can agree with that."  She smiled.  "So you never dated her?"

"No.  I barely talked to her a few times when she and Tara were dating.  And yes, before anyone can say anything, I did talk to Tara about her before coming here because this was fully going to end up outing her."

"Are you and Tara that close because you shared that secret?"

"No, she was dating one of my best friends at one point in time.  Then my fiancee and her girlfriend cheated with each other.  So we moved in together to protect her from them being evil at the time.  She's much better now that she's married and happily raising a family.  Tara's got a wonderful young woman and she's happy with her new relationship.  I was the biggest overprotective big brother for her when she needed me to be."

"I'm sure you were."  She smiled.  He grinned back.  "You date bad girls?"

"I've dated a few assassins, some weapons dealers.  A few who got arrested for selling people.  Though the second one I walked away from when I found that out.  I seem to draw those with less than happy thoughts for the world at times."

"Awww.  So, there's no chance of you finding a good girl like Tara?  Or even the male form?"

He shrugged.  "If I find one that'd be great but I've been introduced to a number of nice, normal people like my mentor's mother's friends.  She's an actress.  They all think I'm just goofy and sweet but none of them want to date me."

"Well, maybe some former bad boy or girl will find you.  One who's out of their wild phases."

He smirked.  "If you know someone....."

"I'll suggest they look you up," she agreed happily.  "Thank you for straightening that out."

"I'm just worried that she's photoshopped a sex tape or something."  She cackled.  "I'm a realistic guy, Annabeth.  I'm sure at least one of my former dates has one hidden somewhere.  I'd like them all instead of having them released online or something but I'm sure at least someone has made one."

"Maybe they'll send them back then."  She let the camera cut off.  "There are?"  He nodded.  "You're sure?"

"I got handed one from a recent date so I freaked out and considered it.  There's probably at least five.  I'd classify myself as fairly easy but fun."  She blushed and laughed.  "I'm honest about it.  I'm twenty-three.  My sort of bad girl and boy likes me like that."

"I'm sure they do."  She shook his hand.  "Thank you and I'll look into her."

"Please.  I have no idea who that woman is if it's not her.  I'd swear it was her though."

"The pictures do look identical."  He nodded and left.  She went to look that up.  Starting with name change paperwork.  She found it there and it was her.  So she went to talk to her.  This called for a better interview.

***

Xander walked up to Esposito's desk.  "You summoned me from my trip for ice cream?"  He handed over muffins.  "Bran, honey, and pistachio."

"Thanks, kid."  He handed over a CD case.  "Two of your bad girls had them sent and the guy that gave you the nuclear warhead."  Xander beamed at him.  "How many more are there?"

"No idea," Xander admitted.  "I never make them.  After that one the other day got handed back I got a bit paranoid."

"I can tell why.  That girl?"

"Tara dated her.  I was doing an interview earlier about that."

"Huh."  He held up the box.  "Muffins?"  They came over to look.

"Oooh, the new flavor from the bakery," Ryan said happily.

"Bran, honey, and pistachio," Xander told him.

"Wonderful."  He nibbled a bite and nodded.  "They even make healthy stuff taste good."  He sat down to nibble.  "So, sex tapes?"

"I didn't make them.  I have a good memory."  Esposito laughed, shaking his head.  Xander shrugged.  "What else did I expect from some of the bad girl society?"

"Quite possibly," Rick agreed as he walked in, handing over one.  "Someone gave it to Mother for Kara."

"Aw, Batgirl made one."

"Literally?" Ryan asked, looking at him.  "Like she's doing the job and all that?"  Maybe that's why they had gotten muffins to settle their stomachs?

"She's training to."

Ryan stuffed his mouth before he said something.

Esposito looked at him.  "There's a charity bachelor auction coming up.  You should join."

"No, please no," Rick moaned, shaking his head.  "Please don't.  We'll have hostage takers or something equally bad girl happen."

"I wonder if Miss Kitty will be there," Xander said, considering it.

"The platinum blonde lady?" Rick demanded.  Xander smiled and nodded.  "You have better taste."

"She wanted to have lunch with me."

"She's a madam."

"I know.  I thoughtfully and nicely wrote back that I didn't really need her work services.  I like being the pursued one and I never pay for it in cash."  He shrugged and walked off.  "Have a happy nibble, guys."

"Thanks," Rick said, taking one of the muffins.

Esposito got his own.  They'd probably see drama from those tapes sometime.  But maybe it'd get Xander more interesting and better quality dates.

***

Paula walked up to Rick that night.  "We have a problem."

"Why?"

"Eleanore's trial is coming up."  Rick winced.  He had hated that semi-long term date of Xander's.  "The DA released the sex tapes she made."

"Sue them?"

"Yes, I am, which may impact your ride-along."

"The mayor's going to freak out and fire that guy."

"I'd hope so.  The head DA is being totally unreasonable about that.  Claims it was an accident."

"Uh-huh.  He's got his head up his ass from what I've heard.  He's also making a political bid."

"Good.  So let me sue them.  Just a warning."

"Have you told Xander yet?"

"He told me.  One of the geeks he knew found it online."

"Shut down the site?"

"Already have.  Thanks, Rick."  She walked off calling him.  "Xander, we're suing them."  She hung up.

***

Xander was nicely dressed and comfortably in front of that same entertainment reporter.  She was looking amused.  He shrugged.  "Not my doing."

"I know.  Are you suing them?"

"I have a real good 'screw with me and I make you want to commit suicide' ideology about that sort of thing and I can only think he did it on purpose.  There were nine of them and why was he releasing video information about a case online anyway?  That's not how cases usually go."

"No, it's not.  If they want to release information to the press, they leak it to a reporter that they know," she agreed.  "So why do that to you?"

"Either he's evil and wants me himself, or he's jealous I'm better than him, or he's just a putz.  Take your pick.  I've never met the man.  I'm going to meet him for the first time with a lawyer."

"All those were pulled?"

"Oh, you didn't hear the newest part of that saga.  My publisher got notified by Vivid Entertainment that he had submitted one of those tapes to them."  She whimpered.  He smiled.  "I'm so in destruction mode.  I can't even write right now thanks to this.  I was sharpening swords all morning."

"Oooh," she said with a wince.  "You have swords?"

"I have a few swords," he admitted with a grin.  "It came in handy before."

"I'm sure it did.  I saw you with an axe at the invasion."  Xander nodded, still smiling.  "So you're able to fence as well?"

"I never learned fencing.  I learned swords because it was kinda necessary sometimes.   I was thinking about taking fencing lessons but with the way I have days I do nothing but write I might not make it to set classes so I'm not sure if I can reasonably do that.  I don't even make it to the gym most days anymore."

"Is it possible he's doing something because of that issue?  I've heard that the problem with the DCIS movie was some demon lawyers."

"Not as far as we can tell from pictures.  There are human looking species but I'm well known for being a fair, honest, only going after the hunters sort of guy.  If this is Wolfram and Hart or someone like them working through him, I feel sorry for him."

"Wolfram and Hart?  The big law firm?"

"Yeah.  They're behind a few of the problems LA has had," he said dryly.  "Also, if you know someone who's signed on with them, read their contracts carefully.  They put some really interesting things in them that obligates you later."

"I know someone who got them to do her divorce."  Xander winced and shook his head.  "I'll look that over with her later.  Thank you for talking to me, Alexian."

"You're really nice and you put me at ease so I'm not nervous."  He grinned.  "And you don't flirt.  Which is kinda nice too.  Means you're not a bad girl."

"Not that way, no."  She grinned back.  They cut.  "Interesting clauses?"

"They tend to include soul claiming clauses and other nasty surprises."  He handed back his microphone.

"I'll read hers.  If so...."

"There's one that doesn't do things the way Wolfram and Hart does, Brown and Tyr.  They're a half-demon, half-human firm and from what I've heard they're not on Wolfram and Hart's side.  You might see if she can get them to break it."  He stood up.  "Otherwise, I have no idea.  Ask Angel out in LA, or Wes."

"I can do that.  Thank you."  She shook his hand and let him leave while she went to her office to tell her friend that.  They had needed the divorce but not that badly.

***

Eight hours later in LA the early evening entertainment showing came on.  Don Epps, a nice FBI agent the team out there had worked with in the past, caught the tail end of the interview as he was flipping stations.  He paused and listened then called his boss to have him get the full tape and what had happened this time.  He'd call the kid in the morning.  Maybe there was something they could do to help.  He found the baseball game and it was nicer.  Less worrying too.

***

Xander smiled at the lawyer stomping into the room.  "You do realize I do have information from another realm about who was behind Black Thorn and a few other great ideas of yours?"  They paused and stared at him.  He smirked.  "Plus, I have copies of your files thanks to six hackers I know.  It cost me a bit but yeah, I have the *full* files from your senior board.  You try to sue me for slander and I'll release them."

"Those are illegally gotten."

"Once they're in the press, will the FBI mind?" he quipped back.

"You're nothing."

"Yeah, Buffy said that too.  I ignore her the same way."  He stood up.  "We all know that I have fuck with me and die syndrome, guys.  Since I'm the Sunnydale tactical person....."  He smirked.  "And I do happen to have a few very nice weapons in my warehouse.  Including some I should turn back over to General Jack since it was theirs."  The demon lawyer spluttered.  "I'm not going to fight you in a court of law but I will make sure you guys quit pissing LA off.  Especially since I *saw* your newest plan last night."

"You're not a seer."

"I am a seer."

"You are?" he demanded.

"Yeah."  He smirked.  "I have been since the whole Glory thing.  I see apocalypses."  The demon gaped and let out a small moan.  "I'm also null magic most of the time before you can try things.  And hurting anyone on the Sunnydale team or my cats will get your whole building destroyed instead of just your senior panel.  You have a hope of rebuilding right now.  Fuck with me and well...  All those files are already heading to a very nice high profile demon reporter.  One on national news networks."  The lawyer gave him a horrified look.  "Not the originals of course.  Those are in the warehouse."

"THE warehouse?" he demanded.  Xander smirked and nodded.  "How do you know about that?"

"I inherited it."

The demon's eyes went wide and he backed up a few more steps before calling his bosses on the way out the door.

"Remember, fuck with me and die," Xander called.  "I'm a gray knight, not a white one."  The demon shuddered.  Xander left to go home.  He had a message on his voicemail from Don Epps and kindly told him who had the information he wanted.  Including the tracking number of the package.  Demons could do many things but messing with the US Postal Service was still a felony.

***

Don Epps walked into the office of the reporter.  "Ma'am, Special Agent Epps, FBI.  That package is information I'd like to share on a law firm that's causing LA issues."

"If it goes newsworthy I want an exclusive," she ordered.

"Of course."  He smiled.  "It's against Wolfram and Hart."

"Oh, dear.  I heard bad things about them."  She handed over the package once she had opened it.

Don smiled.  "They're behind most of the apocalypse attempts in LA."  She shuddered.  "What I know I'll call you first about."  He took her card and left.  He went back to the office, narrowly avoiding a few accidents by virtue of having an escort car.  His boss hadn't been sure why but he'd be horrified Don was sure.  They got back there and spun the first disc.  It had the instructions and the spell on it to protect their system from being destroyed by the law firm for hell.  That was nice.  Once it was set up they ran the other information.  "Hey, they have majority stock in Apple and Microsoft," Don said dryly when he came to that.  They kept going.  It laid out some pretty hefty charges.  With him getting it from a reporter it doesn't matter how the information was gotten for the warrants.  She was protected as a reporter.  Don had the envelope so the judge could see it if he wanted to.  They were all covered and Xander needed to drop out of evil mode.

Someone knocked on the local director's door.  "Agent Epps, I'm Agent Toby Sinclaire, from the DC office," he said, walking in.  "I've been working on Wolfram and Hart now for two years."  He handed over the files he had.  "From confidential informants."

"That's very helpful," Don's boss said with a smile.  "Is it just our agency?"

"No, sir.  Someone in the Secret Service is sure that this law firm constitutes a threat to the government's well-oiled machines.  They're not sure what they can do about it since they're Treasury but they've made sure I'll share."

"I'll gladly share," Don promised with a smile.  "Are they coming?"

"Not yet."  He pulled out his system.  Don handed over the spell disc, getting a smile.  "I needed that earlier.  They broke two of my computers."  The spell loaded itself on his system and killed the demonic virus he presently had.  "Huh.  Nice work, Rosenburg."  They went over what they had and where to start building.  Though Don Epps wanted that bio lab shut down very quickly and quietly.  ATF got called up and a few others Don trusted.  Including the local Treasury guys.  They went over the information and he told them where it came from.  The spell disc got passed around the building just in case they needed it.

Yeah, that could help LA be calmer by a lot.

***

Buffy watched the news, staring with her head tipped to the side.  "Why is Wolfram and Hart being raided?"  Angel stiffened from where he was reading and looked over at the tv.  Fred turned it up for them.

Willow smiled.  "They screwed with Xander."  Buffy whimpered, shaking her head.  "Oh, yeah.  Though it had nothing to do with the sex tapes that DA put online.  That was just him being a butthole."  She went back to feeding the baby.  "See, I told you you liked carrots.  Even if you hate orange you like carrots," she cooed, smiling at her brilliant daughter.  Who spit the carrots back out at her.

Her husband Daniel came over to take control of the spoon.  Willow kissed him and went to the bathroom.  Daniel looked at their little girl.  "She'll fuss," he said quietly, his brogue softened quiet a lot.  "You know she'll fuss if you don't eat it."  He fed her a few bites and she ate it for him, smiling at him.  He grinned back.  "That's my good girl."

Fred grinned.  "It's nice she's daddy's girl."

"She's totally daddy's girl," Daniel agreed happily.  "Some day soon she'll be up and following us everywhere."

"Not into the armory," Buffy complained.

Daniel stared at her.  "Unlike you, my baby girl won't need to learn swords until she's in college."  Buffy beamed and went out to talk to the local demon bars about what was going on.

"Nicely done," Fred said happily.  "You handle girl issues very well, like Xander used to."

Daniel snorted.  "They ignored him too much for that to work."  Willow came back.  "Buffy went to talk to people."

"That's fine."  She watched him feed their daughter, who was staring at her.  "What?  Am I messy like you are?"  She got a cloth to clean her face and hands up.  "There you go."  Their daughter squealed and got down to crawl off.  "Hey!  I was going to read," she pouted.  Her daughter came back for that.  Willow beamed and settled in on a couch to read to her.

Daniel smiled at their heads.  He loved his girls, though some days he could still throttle Willow.

***

Xander smiled at the reporter who found him out getting grapes.  "No camera?" he teased.

"Did you have a comment about the trailer, Alexian?"

"I saw it.  I actually got a preview copy then called a poker game so people could unfreak me out.  It's kinda scary yet thrilling at the same time.  Like a roller coaster."  She smiled.  "But I'm very proud and happy with the way they've stuck with the original sources.  It looks like they've done a great job with my humble little story."

"Thanks.  Which premiere are you going to?"

He shrugged.  "Whichever one they ask me to go to?  I've got some help from my mentor's daughter with clothes for it.  Will they be asking me who I'm wearing?  I'm not sure I can pronounce his name properly."

"That's usually for women, Alexian.  Quit stressing.  Just be happy, nervous, and smile a lot."  He beamed at her and nodded.  "I'll make sure you're said to be happy with the trailer and they did an amazing job sticking to your books."  She walked off to call in the quote for later.  That way she wouldn't forget anything.  She had to pick up her lunch too and had run into him by accident.

Xander picked out his grapes and something else, paying for it and heading home to hide.  Including turning off his phone.  The kittens came running to get petted when he came in so that was nicer than any reporter.

***

Esposito looked up the next day.  "The trailer's online for the DCIS movie."  Rick grinned.  "It looks nice."

"He got a preview copy and showed the poker circle so we could make him calm down.  They look like they did a really good job."  Beckett walked over to watch it.  It was a good, makes you wonder preview if you hadn't read the books.  If you had, you understood where they were going.  "He's still panicking over the red carpet stuff."

"He didn't mention that it was Alexis helping him shop," Ryan said with a grin.  "Just his mentor's daughter."

"I like that.  She doesn't need the attention and a few people have asked if they're dating, which she's cackled long and hard about."  Rick grinned.  "I think they did a good job."

"It looks like they did," Beckett agreed, sitting down again.  "How long?"

"It comes out in June.  We're not expecting a huge turnout like _Ironman_ got or anything but probably a good one," Rick said with a smile.  "Have you picked out what you're wearing to the premiere?"  She glared at him.  "I'm sure you'll be spectacular, no matter who it is."  He wisely went to rewatch it before she swatted him.  "They edited out the scene with the tower."  Rick pulled out his phone to text message someone he knew was in Xander's fanclub.  Which he was sure the boy had no idea existed.  His fanclub was squeal heavy today.  He also hinted that Alexian was talking about an international signing trip sometime in the next year as well.  That got a happier squeal from the fanclub.

***

Paula walked Xander into a comic shop he liked to sign books at and a lot of people squealed in pleasure.  Xander beamed and waved.  "Xander, this is your fanclub."

"I have a fanclub?" he asked, looking awed.  "Wow."  They mobbed him to talk to him and get pictures with him, which he liked so he let them do it.  It was kinda creepy but he liked it and them.  He answered questions about the website, what he was doing now, which book was coming out next.  He also read a preview chapter Paula had for the non-traditional heros series.  They looked confused but he read a chapter of the other one too.  That got a moan and they liked that better.  The meeting ended and they ran off after a few last pictures and went to tell the ones who hadn't been able to make it.  She smiled at him.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome."  She patted him on the arm.  "Rick didn't think you knew about them."  She walked him off to take him to dinner so he could eat quietly and get used to the idea of being adored by geeks.  He needed the quiet time away from his muses.  By the end of dinner he was bouncy about it so that was a great thing.  He made them official with him and put a link on the website to them.

He was officially an Author now.  One of the ones that people wanted to read.  Even if he had been before, it hadn't sunk in until he had met his fan club.  Only real Authors had them.  So yup, he was an Author.

The End.

Note: the Imaginings list had a plot bunny generation moment.  This is all their fault.

Chapter 21: Dating Disaster Plans

Disaster befalls Xander's dating life when he's grounded.  His evil date society decides they can visit him instead and it leads to some interesting issues.  Including a bad date orgy of sorts.  And then having to fix what happened because of it.

Rick walked up to where Xander was sitting handcuffed.  "Did you date?" he asked dryly.  Xander nodded, looking amused.  "Good.  Here, have something to do."  He handed him a familiar key drive.

"But...."

Rick smirked.  "Your plotbunny followed me home.  I needed those hours of sleep."

"You don't need me to fill things in," Xander said, looking at him.  "You don't need an editor and Paula to make you sound sensible."

Rick snorted.  "Like that mystery novel, kid, it's your turn."

"Okay," he agreed quietly.  "I'm not sure how I can help it any."  Rick smirked at him.  "If I'm not in jail for keeping myself from being beaten to death."

"She was going to stab you," Detective Ryan said from his seat.  He looked over and smirked.  "She said she's not pressing charges but the captain said you're staying here until he gets here."  Xander sighed.  Rick handed him the laptop he was carrying, letting Xander get into that file.

"You use Word?"

"Most everyone does."

"Eww."

"I have it set to do most of the same things."  He sat down.

Xander read the first chapter, not seeing where he could help the story at all.  Though the baby was really boring.  He was frowning but ...  He found a typo at least.  He corrected that and kept going.  That baby was really boring.  So maybe he could add his special touch there?  He went back up and reread that section, adding some to the baby's greeting scene.   He found another typo and fixed it and kept going.  The baby was a lot happier and a lot more than there hanging on to someone.  Somehow the baby started to sound like him but that was fine he guessed.  It was a lot more interesting if the baby sucked up to dangerous women.  He heard someone come in complaining and found himself kissed.  He grinned at her.  "Hi."

"You're writing here?"

"Rick's making me."

"Uh-huh."  She stared at him.  "Put it up so we can go to lunch?"

"He has to stay until the Captain gets back to ask him politely to never date again," Detective Ryan said.  "He makes that plea every fourth dating disaster."  He looked at her.  He knew who she was.  "And I doubt his muses need you doing crazy things to him for lunch."

Xander shrugged.  "I'm a bit tired but maybe dinner?" he offered.

She beamed.  "I can do that.  Make reservations?"

"Must I wear a suit?" he whined.

"Yes, Xander.  It's my birthday later this week."

"Yes, Amanda."  She strolled off looking smug.  He looked at Rick, who shrugged.  "Tea Room?"

"That's a nice place for dinner," he agreed.  "Easy to get into too."  Xander looked them up in the phone book next to him on the desk, calling them to make reservations.   They were happy to give them a nice corner table at eight.  He texted that to her and went back to his fixing typos.  They got to the 'carrier' scene and Xander got him a better one he knew about.  "Rick, what does your vest say?"

"Writer."

"Huh."  He added that and changed what the baby's new bulletproof carrier said.  Then he fixed the 'she didn't throw a fit about having the baby there' scene.  Because any woman he knew would so throw a fit about a baby being in danger.  Even with a bulletproof snugglie.   Beckett especially would chew him a new one.  So maybe the baby could be more helpful.  He looked up at the cleared throat, typing by feel.  He held up a finger and got back into it. The baby was crawling off when the daddy got knocked out but he was going to pat the gun and accidentally shoot the bad guy.  And when people showed up to 'help' them, the baby crawled on top of the bad guy and gave them a smug look.

Beckett was reading over his shoulder.  "Can they do that?" she asked.  Xander nodded.  "There's some...."  Xander got online to find the youtube video he was referencing, making her moan and shake her head.  He got back to it and it was better.  Or at least it was getting better.  Rick's typos were pretty common.  How did you misspell such a common name?

Though the nanny that finally showed up, well it kinda looked like him.  He changed it a bit more.  And added in some 'mommy' scenes.  He went back up to add that to the beginning and changed some of the background too.  Changed Rick's career history slightly.  The baby was still adorable though.  He sighed, putting the laptop aside.  He hadn't had to do much fixing.  It was nearly dark and there was a nice note next to him.

'Arrested Amanda for shooting ambassador from Spain.  Canceled your dinner date.  Rick said to let him see it later to see where you changed stuff since you were really involved.  Beckett said if she ever saw that really happen she'd smack Rick upside the head,' the note read.  'Don't date for the next month, you're grounded.  Captain Montgomery.'  Xander looked around, looking confused.

One of the night shift guys looked over.  "Beckett said to eat something as soon as you were done.  Leave the laptop in her desk so she can give it to Castle in the morning.  Pick up cat food because Alexis was over playing with the cats and said you're out."  Xander nodded, getting up to stretch.  He headed for the bathroom then out.  He shook his head, getting into the file to look at it.  "Huh, a collaboration."  He put it into Becket's desk and locked it in.  Then he got back to his own casework.  The note got a strange look.  "We arrested a sniper?"

"Assassin," the night shift captain complained.  "They were due to have dinner tonight."

"I'm guessing that's why Montgomery grounded him."

"Hopefully the boy listens."  He got back to his paperwork.  A few hours later they got a call to a scene.  Xander was calmly sitting and eating a sandwich at the deli.  The 'victim' was sniffling against his shoulder while he patted her to get her calmed down.  The bad boy was on the ground groaning into the tiles.  Xander kicked the bad boy on the foot, making him look up and beg them to save him because he wanted to go straight.  He wasn't bad boy enough for Xander's affection.

The detective looked at the kid.  "What happened?"

Xander pointed down at him while he chewed, then tipped her face up to show the bruise coming up.  He finally got to swallow the last of his sandwich.  "He hit her because she forgot to get no mustard.  So I kindly corrected it.  He's very sorry and if he ever felt any sort of affection for me he's clearly learned he's not evil enough."

"Yes I have," he whimpered.

Xander smiled, helping her up.  "These are nice detectives.  They've helped me with dates before, sweetie.  They will not hurt you."  They nodded, walking her out to take her statement while the other detective cuffed and read that guy his rights.  Xander grinned.  "By the way, he ate the ring that created that cut on her cheek."

"Good," the detective agreed with a smile.  He walked him out to the patrol car.  He told them that so they could tell the booking people.  The wife was sobbing but they got her calmed down and she was wiling to press charges.  Xander had helped her a lot it seemed.  Xander came out and was assaulted by a woman who wanted his mouth.  The detective looked over, timing it.  "He's grounded according to Captain Montgomery, ma'am," he said loudly when she moaned.  "He's not allowed to date for a month."

She looked at him and smiled.  "I don't want to date him, Detective."  She walked Xander off.  "You did a very good job."  He smirked at her.  He was up to not dating for a weekend.

The detectives sighed and shook their heads.  They texted that to Montgomery's phone and let him handle it.  There was no telling what sort of evil girl she was.

***

Beckett walked into Xander's apartment the next morning without knocking.  She had a warrant.  She did pet the creeling little furry beasts on her way up to break up the happy reunion.  "Andara Miller, you're under arrest for smuggling, jewel theft, two counts of assault with a deadly weapon, and really bad taste," she said dryly, hauling her out of the bed and cuffing her.

"But...." she pouted, looking at Xander.  Xander was still asleep.  "Did he tell you?"

"The detectives last night told me.  Xander!" she yelled, making him flinch and wake up.  "Did you remember to pick up cat food?"  He nodded, drifting off again.  She looked at her.  "What did you give him?"

"Not a thing."  She yawned.  "I wasn't tired an hour ago."

Beckett nodded and checked Xander, who had a very visible shot mark.  She checked the bathroom, glaring at the woman in there.  "You too.  Let's go."

"But...."

"Hell no!  Especially if you're the one that drugged him!  Now!"

"Yes, Beckett."  She came out.   "You know, I am an agent."

"That means you have your own cuffs," Beckett said dryly, cuffing her.  She walked them out to hand them to the minions.  "Kylia drugged him."

"It was only a little sedative so I could steal him away for the weekend.  I left Tara a voicemail to take care of the kitten and all that.  I was being very thoughtful," she complained.

Detective Esposito stared at her.  "Nice try, Kylia."  He helped her into the car while his partner got the other one.  He looked at Beckett.  "Ambulance?"

"Castle.  They need to go over that story anyway."  She texted that to him and got in to drive.  Ryan waited, getting a ride back once he got there.

Rick let himself in and got pounced by the cats.  He gave them food and let them into the garden area.  That solved all the meow chorus.  He went to check on Xander.  Who was still snoring into his pillow.  Rick shook his head, going down to the living room to check on what Xander did to their new shared story.  He was giggling at the baby.  It was adorable.  He sent it to Paula with a note about it being like that shared mystery novel.  Xander got up and went to the bathroom.  "Kylia drugged you," he called.

"She's not getting any oral sex for it," he called back, coming down the stairs.  The cats ran in to pounce him and get petted, then ran out when the daddy human stumbled over one of them.  "Sorry!  Daddy needs that human drink stuff."  He got himself some soda and came out to flop down next to Rick.  "Kylia?"

"Beckett said she planned a long weekend and told Tara to come take care of the cats."

"Ah."  He sipped his soda and let Rick take it when he drifted off to sleep again.

Rick sniffed it then put it back into the refrigerator for now.  Xander would wake up sometime soon.  Paula sent back a swear so Rick smirked back at her.   She was having a lot of fun setting up her publishing empire. The new book would help with that.  Though that did give him a new idea in that baby universe.  That could be interesting.

***

Xander wandered into the station reading something with a pencil between his teeth.  He handed Beckett a bag and walked off again, making notes with the pencil.

Beckett looked in the bag.  "Xander, why do I need this?" she called.  Esposito went to find the kid and walk him back.  She dumped out the pack of condoms and morning after pills.  Plus headache powder.  Xander was walked off the elevator.  "Why do I need this?"

Xander grinned.  "Because someone has to have a bachelor party soon from what I heard.  That's what I needed for mine and I figured you would too.  Especially since Doctor Pecs is back in town and he was emailing Tara about fertility magic for some reason."  He shrugged.  "Because Willow still thinks it's a really good idea to meddle."  He walked off reading again.

Ryan looked at it then at her.  "If you want to come to the bachelor party you can," he said with a grin.

She threw a condom at him.  "I'll think about it.  Depends on how good the party is."  She put the rest back into the bag and put it into her desk.  She did call her boyfriend.  "Fertility magic?" she asked him.  He told her a darling story about a native woman who had been working some and he wanted to compare and see if he could pass back anything for her from Tara, who he knew was a Pagan of some sort.  "Oh that's interesting.  No, I just saw Xander.  He handed me condoms in case."  He laughed.  "No, I can't do lunch.  We have a new case.  Dinner?  A late dinner?"  She smiled.  "That'll work.  Thank you."  She hung up and made herself a post-it note to stare at.

"I'm still trying to decide which stripper I'm hiring for you, bro," Esposito teased with a smirk.

"As long as she doesn't hear."  He got back to work.  Beckett did too.  That was just weird timing.  He texted Tara and she sent back that she'd check Beckett for magic on her lunch.  "Tara will check the Willow thing."

"Thanks.  I'm not sure if I could handle a baby."  She pushed her hair back behind her ears.  "I'm definitely not ready yet."

"Good.  We'd hate to lose you to maternity leave," Esposito teased.  "Or mood swings when we had to handcuff you somewhere."

"I'd handcuff me somewhere if I got that bad."  She got back to work with a head shake.

Tara walked in and handed Beckett a deli sandwich a bit later, sprinkling something in her hair.  "Willow thinks you need to be happy like her."

Beckett looked at her.  "Do I need to find a guy like Daniel?"

"She thinks you have one."  She removed the magic and shook her head as she walked off.  "I'd make sure you took any pills this morning."

"Definitely," Beckett said, pulling out that morning after pill pack for later.  Then she called Daniel to complain about his wife.  Castle came in during it.  He gave her a funny look.

"Rosenburg did it," Ryan told him.

"She needs paddled."

"Again," Esposito said.

Beckett hung up.  "He'll do it.  She wanted me to get knocked up soon."

Rick nodded.  "I'm sure you can make that decision without her."

"Xander was apparently psychic.  He handed her a bachelor party kit with some extras," Ryan said with a grin.

"Good thinking."  He nodded.  "I have a doc I can recommend if you need one," he told her quietly.  "Very quiet and he'll have a lot of help no matter which decision you want to make.  He's one of the best OB's in the city."

"Josh only got into town today."

"Oh, that's good then."  He sat down.

"How's the newest book coming?" she asked.

"Xander made the baby a lot more fun.  Paula groaned but liked it.  She said it was cute and funny.  Yesterday I got a second one about that."  She snorted.  "I swear it's a baby Xander.  He likes weapons, likes to suck on the neck of assassins.  Grabbed a very dirty agent who took out people by her garter because she was undercover as a street walker."

She snorted, shaking her head.  "Him being a baby as he is now would probably be adorable but mind warping."

"Yes it was.  I let Alexis read it and she asked if Willow had knocked Xander up with her new brother."  Beckett choked.  Ryan and Esposito laughed, shaking their heads.  "I told her if she did, I'm taking primary custody and she'd like changing diapers.  She agreed she could babysit."

Beckett caught her breath, staring at him.  "If that should happen, we'll find you a former military nanny."

"I know a few of those in service."  He grinned.  "Alexis would complain a lot but Mother would squeal and rant both."  He settled into his usual seat.  "Now that I'm back from the reporter of doom, who keeps asking me if I'm dating Xander, did we find anything new?"

"Not yet," Esposito said.  "Is she evil?"

"Not that I know of.  She just thinks that we're together.  He'll embarrass her later.  I left him a voicemail."  They all nodded.  Montgomery walked out looking upset.  "Being chewed on again?"

"The mayor has thoughts because of all the time Xander spends with us."

"A reporter thinks I'm dating him again," Rick quipped.

"I don't want that headache.  Then I'd have to wonder when you went evil and what you were planning, Castle."  Beckett snickered, shaking her head.   She had to walk off she was cackling so hard.  "Can someone pull together all the times we've hosted him for a bit and why?"  Esposito pulled the case files together for him and handed him the printed list.  He looked and moaned.  "Didn't I say he's grounded."

"They didn't want to take him out and date, they've all shown up for sex," Ryan said.

"Charming!"  He walked off, taking it uptown to tell the mayor that.  And subtly suggest that the mayor might need a vacation, his mental condition was slipping.

Ryan and Esposito shared a look.  "Ten bucks there's one within a week," Esposito said.

"Sucker bet," Castle said, looking at them.  "Megan's on bail."

"The judge told her not to go near him," Ryan countered.

"She was buying them breakfast earlier."

"Damn," Esposito said.  "At least one makes it over to chat with her?"

"I can put five on that."  He put down the money.

Rick put down ten.  "At least two."  He walked off happier, going to the bathroom.

"He clearly has an idea," Ryan said.

"Yeah but I'm guessing it'll be a bad thing."

"Well maybe it'll be a bad girl convention," Ryan offered.  "Our stats could use upped."

"We'd have to rescue him and the cats."

"Tara would walk in and make them all beg."

"Good point."  He considered it and put down another five.  Ryan did the same.  Rick grinned when he came back.  "They already there?"

"Tara wrote complaining that Beth got asked when Xander's birthday was by two different agents and one other guy."  He sat down.  They moaned.

Beckett came back, noticing the cash.  "Lunch or a bet?"

"Bet, at least two bad girls showing up to talk to him at the same time as Megan does," Ryan said.

She considered it then nodded, putting in ten bucks.  The patrol officers would bet against them.  "And a full night of paperwork if we're right."

"We'd arrest them during the morning after phase.  It'll make them too tired to fight back or run," Esposito said.

Rick nodded.  "He'd appreciate that too."  He considered it.  "When is Xander's birthday?"

"I'm not sure," Esposito said, getting into the files.  "Last month."  They all grimaced.  That sounded like the kid.  "He just turned twenty-five."  He texted Xander that if he had told them they would've gone out to dinner to help him celebrate his birthday.  He got one back and smiled.  "No, that's not his birthday.  That's a typo by Sunnydale.  It's in two days."

"Does he want to go to dinner?" Rick asked.

Esposito asked and shook his head.  "Cynthia is who?"  Beckett moaned, shaking her head.  "That bad?"

"Yes, she's from LA and his dating file out there."  She called him.  "When did she get out on bail?"  She listened.  "Seriously?  If you want, we could probably go the next night.  I'm not on that following day."  She smiled.  "That'll work.  Have a good day but try to avoid the bad girls, Xander."  She hung up.  "She's a local young writer that asked him for some mentoring time."  Rick smiled.  "He's going to meet her at that bookstore you introduced him to.  Up in one of the quiet corners.  He said she's about to be published and she's nervous."

"That is new book day so they'll probably spend some time staring at her new book," Rick said.  "We all did."  He shifted.  "Most of us framed the official letter saying we were going to be published too."

"I haven't seen his," Beckett admitted.

"It's probably in the same part of the safe that holds Anya's ring," Rick said more quietly.  She nodded at that.

"He kept it?" Ryan asked.  "I probably would've sold it; it'd be too painful."

"That's all that he carries as a physical memento of her," Rick told him.  That got a nod of understanding.  "He said when he doesn't want it anymore he'll donate it to her church so she can put it to good use."

"That'll cause more pain," Esposito said.  Rick nodded.  "Have they talked?"

"Apparently the Reverend Mother of her order asked her to contact him for a donation for some needed repairs," Rick told them.  Ryan moaned, shaking his head.  "Anya refused, citing that she had done him wrong and that she didn't want to stir up those memories for either of them.  It wasn't kind of her with what had happened.   The Reverend Mother wrote him in Anya's name.

"Xander showed up there to talk to her about how low and dirty that was, and that if she had known what had happened between them she would've trusted Anya's instincts.  Anya got brought in and he looked at her, handing her the letter.  She made herself not throw a fit, as Xander said, and then told her that she was withdrawing from the order and switching to one that didn't conform to Hell's ideals of selfishness.

"Xander offered to help her but she refused and said it wasn't right.  That she had already taken too much from him and she wouldn't go to him.  He said he kissed her on the cheek, said he was proud of how she was happy now, and left it there.  She apparently turned in the Reverend Mother for that deceit to the local diocese and requested to transfer orders to somewhere better and more Godly.  The head priest sent that on and agreed that she should if she wasn't comfortable.  They apparently removed the Reverend Mother, who retired."

"That's good to know," Beckett said dryly.  "The one in Connecticut?"  Rick nodded.  "Where is she now?"

"Spain.  She didn't realize he was so close and she didn't want either of them to be pulled so she requested one overseas and found one there.  They do deal with demonically possessed people now and then so she'd be an asset."

"That's good that she's moved on," Beckett said.  "I know it was her fault but it's good she's gotten over it."  Rick nodded.

"Does everyone know about her past?" Ryan asked.

"No.  Only a few priests know."

"Huh."  Ryan nodded.  "Then I'm happy if she is and we don't have to see Xander in that sort of destroyed mood."

"Tara said that he nearly killed Anya.  He kicked her out wearing only the clothes she had on, after she ran and hid to get dressed, and sold everything else," Rick said with a grin.  "Since he had bought all of it.  He sold almost everything to Cordelia.  Threw out her sex toys.  Sold off the expensive ones.  Donated her porn tapes to the local library because they had some in the back room.  Apparently Willow spent a few days hiding from everyone as a kitten but Tara made her change back so she could yell at her.  Xander had to call Buffy to keep him from killing them."

"That'd do it to me too," Ryan agreed.  "I'd have killed her.  Most likely I'd have shot them both if someone hadn't taken my gun."

"If you ever get that problem, I want to hear," Beckett ordered.  "I'll come take your gun and help you handcuff them so you can scream at them."

He grinned.  "Thanks, Beckett."

"She can take mine too," Esposito assured him.  Ryan beamed at him.  "That's what bros are for."

"Yeah, I'm glad my girl would never do that to me."

"I hope you two are happier than any relationship me or the kid has been in, Kevin," Rick said.

Ryan grinned.  "Thanks, man."  They got back to work.  "Aww, the mushiness shook loose an inconsistency.  Why did the person who found the body find them after eleven when we were there at ten?"  Beckett stared at him.  He rolled his chair over to show her.

"They did say that."  Esposito grabbed his jacket so they could get that person in for questioning.   It was back to business as usual until Xander dated again.

***

Beckett sighed as she walked into Xander's apartment a few days later, stopping to pet the cats.  She poured some food out for them.  Ryan put down a few cans of tuna as well.  That'd keep them occupied while they hauled out the bad girl society.  More officers came in and Esposito pointed at the cats, getting a nod that they'd avoid them.  They raided all the bedrooms.  Xander's had three girls in bed with him and they all looked like sweaty messes.  He looked like he was angelically peaceful as he slept.  Not a bit sweaty.  The other rooms had three other 'couples'.  Only one guy.  And as it turned out one that was mid-op, the breast implants were really nice but the dick was still there.  She was naked, you could tell.  They got all the women up and she grabbed Xander when he tried to get up off the bed.  "Stay."

"What?" he asked, blinking at her.  "Are you invading?"

"Yes.  You had a bad girl orgy."

"No.  We had a party.  They were agents."

"Uh-huh."  She let him go.  "Stay."  He nodded, staying there.  She went to check with them.  One of the officers was trying to fight off the kitten trying to escape into the elevator.  "Homer!"  She ran off.  "They're agents?"

"Evil agents, yay," Esposito said dryly.  He found someone's pants and held up the ID.  "CIA."  Beckett went back upstairs to talk to Xander.

They found the rest of the clothes and let the prisoners get dressed in them.  Three more had ID's, two were NYPD, and the others didn't seem to have wallets.  Ryan looked at them.  "Before we go on, is anyone on bail, have warrants for their arrest, or want to make a statement now?  Yeah, we know that the kid usually only dates evil things.  That's why we're watching him.  Someone's mother told us he was having an evil girl orgy last night."  A few snickered, shaking their heads.  "Since the guy likes to date assassins a lot of the time...."  They all moaned.  "Anyone got something to declare?"

One shrugged.  "I'm on bail."

"I knew that," Esposito assured her.  "Megan....  They might revoke it.  The judge said to stay away from Xander.  Specifically to stay away from him."

She sighed.  "It's not as fun out here.  They pounced my Xander.  I should kill them like I did my sister for wanting him.  They even made him drink, Detective Esposito."

He looked at her then upstairs.  "Beckett, get him to draw some blood for a tox panel," he called.

"I've already made him."  She came down the stairs, staring at them.  "Megan.  Reginald Dawson."  He smirked.  "Or whoever you are this week."

"He's got the CIA case," Ryan said, handing it over.

She snorted.  "Try former KGB and now Russian Mob."  She glanced at it then at him.  "We'll see who you took it from."  She pointed at two others.  "I knew your pictures from the LA dating file."  They sighed.  The officers separated them off.

"Anyone else have anything to declare?" Esposito asked.  "Not that we won't check but if we find things, we've got to take all that time looking and doing paperwork."  One looked at him.  "I noticed, we don't give a damn.  You can talk to your own boss about that."  She/he nodded.  "Anyone else?"  No one said anything.  "Then let's get you down to the station so we can sort out who you really are."  He counted.  "Where's the male cat?"  Ryan looked then pointed.  He was peeking out of a cabinet.  "Xander, your male cat's in the glasses cabinet."  He came down to save his glassware.  He looked at the boy once everyone else was gone.  "They got you drunk?" he asked quietly.

"Megan and I were having dinner and they showed up to talk to me, celebrate my birthday, all that stuff."  Esposito nodded.  "Somehow someone found liquor I didn't have in the house and that's about the last thing I remember."

"I'm sure they didn't want to hurt you."

"This means I have to do the walk of shame into the Health Department," Xander sighed.

"I'll talk to Beckett about having them tested."  Xander nodded.  "Take Castle with you if you want."

"No thanks."

"Go to your regular doc.  I'm sure she's noted that you date bad girls."

"I might.  Thanks."

"Welcome.  Remember, you have that thing later with the writer."

"Oh, yeah."  He went to shower and change clothes.  The cat came with him so he stayed out of things.

Esposito left, going back with the last few.  He looked at Beckett, who was driving, then back at the two in the backseat.  "Guys, Xander doesn't remember a damn thing.  He's having the health department walk of shame thought."  They shook their heads.  "Are you certain?"

"As far as I know we are clean," the male said.

The female nodded.  "I'm on the pill and I'm totally clean."  They shared a look.  "We'll tell the others so they can tell you quietly."

"That would be appreciated.  Are we going to find more than liquor he doesn't usually drink in his system?" Beckett asked.

"I didn't drug him," the guy said.

"Thank you."

"There's no telling about the others," she added.

"I know.  Some of you guys are worse than others."  They nodded.

***

Xander looked up as his doctor walked into the exam room.  "Doc, I got messed up."

"Okay."  She shut the door.  "What happened?"  He told her all that he remembered and she winced, nodding at that.  "It sounds like we need to draw some blood.  Am I going to find anything like drugs?"

"I don't use drugs.  I use some meditation herbs when the muses are going nuts, but that's inhaling in the sauna.  I've had a few bad girls who've drugged me," he admitted.  "I was truly fucked up a few months back because she decided to play with drugged enemas without telling me while she had me unconscious."  She winced at that, shaking her head again.  "Yeah.  But I was at the police station a few hours later because I knew something had happened and I only had really fuzzy memories.  I managed to get free of her and free the Vice officers she had hostage."

"How do you find women like that?" she asked.

"That one picked me up in the club but that was months ago.  Megan I met at the comic shop I go to.  The last one I met at Tara's library but I think she was stalking Tara."  He gave her a weak smile.  "If I could date good girls, I would, Doc.  I'd like to have a long-term thing again.  I'm apparently not going to be blessed anytime soon with one."

"It would be better to be in one but with someone sane, Xander."  She got what she needed.  "Have you been through this exam before?"  He nodded with a sigh.  "All right, let's start with blood work.  Did the police draw any?"  He nodded, taking off his over-shirt for her.  "Have we heard anything?"

"Someone joked I should have to buy them lunch for all the paperwork they have to do and how they had to talk to State Department people again.  The last time it was because of the death threat on me."

"I will rush all the blood work, Xander.  We need to do two swabs too.  Do I need to do an anal swab?"  He shrugged.  "I'll do one then."  He nodded and let her do whatever she needed to do.  She sent it with a nurse and came back to talk to him about his draw of the unfortunate girls.  Especially since she had been given copies of his blood work results after his last hospital stay.  She was one of the few people that knew how dangerous he was if he got into the wrong hands.

***

Xander walked into the precinct with bags.  "Someone said it was my job to feed you since I made you talk to State Department and Homeland guys."  He handed over bags.

Montgomery came to his doorway.  "Who told you that?"  Xander got into the message to show him.  "It's not your job to do that, Xander.  They'd have to do it anyway or someone else would."  The boy looked down and nodded.  "I wish like hell you could date decent women or men.  It'd make everyone happier if you could."

"I'd just like someone semi-permanent again."  He shrugged and handed over the last bag.  "I thought Rick was here."  He left.

Esposito caught up to him in the elevator.  "Only one of them showed up with signs of anything, Xander, and it looks like it's a simple yeast infection so you probably are okay on the doctor stuff," he said quietly once they were closed in.  Xander hugged him.  He patted him.  "I know it's a bad thing to have to think about."  He watched him walk off when the doors opened, heading back up to his desk.  With a stop to yell at the person who had guilt tripped Xander into bringing them lunch.  "You, sparring, Beckett later," he ordered.

"She's a girl," he snorted, sneering at him.

"Yeah but she can get away with kicking your ass and I can't."  He walked off to tell her that.  She went down to yell at him herself.  That'd help a lot.  It would stop all that crap soon too.

***

Xander got called to come back in when another agent showed up, staring at him.  "Yes, Agent Dumbass of Homeland."  The agent glared at him.  He glared back.  "Did you have something to complain about since I was the one that they got drunk?"

"Aren't you supposed to be taking very careful protections about your blood, Mr. Harris?"

"No one but a doctor or a nurse can pull blood from me.  It's a very nice mystical protection and if I'm unconscious they might not be able to do even that."  The agent gave him a dirty look.  "I take more precautions than you do.  You don't have the right to nag me."

"You're a walking disease factory, Harris."

Xander punched him.  "I'm more guarded than you are."  He stared down at him.  "And if you even *insinuate* that you want to try to take me into protective custody, I'll fucking call down every single poker debt I owe from every single goddamn demon and have them ruin your fucking agency since some of *you* put me in more danger by spreading that information around.  And yeah, I heard."  The agent backed away from him.  "So you have no fucking right to complain and if I wanted to hear shit, I know a few gay guys who like scat and would sit and talk about it in front of me for *hours*."

He stared at him when he got up.  "Now, are you done yet?  Because I'm not putting up with bitches today.  I've already had a bad day.  I'm not putting up with this shit anymore today."  He turned and glared at one gaping officer.  "And yes, tell your partner to suck better dick.  Clearly he's falling down and it's putting him in a bitchy mood too."  That one blushed and ducked his head.  "Now, anyone else want to pick on me today?"  They all shook their heads.  He looked at the agent.  "You done too?"

"We need you to be more careful."

"I'm going to go soak some radioactive shit in my blood and then blow it across LA.  That should stop the LA office selling me to Hong Kong natives, huh?"  He walked off again.

"Oooh, shit," Esposito muttered, heading after him.  "Xander!"

"Bite me!  They tried to sell me twice this week.  Thankfully to demons."  He slammed the stairwell door.

Beckett looked at him.  "Clearly your office has an issue."

"Will he make good on that threat?" he asked.

She stared at him.  "I don't care."  He gaped.  "Did some of your fellow agents sell his blood test results and information to others?"

"I don't know."

"Then you've got a bigger problem than a demon hunter who's pissed at you.  Those of us who he still likes will calm him down today.  You, go fix that."

"If he's a danger to the US....."

"He'll have you eaten," she said bluntly.  "He knows enough higher level demons to take out this city, if not others.  The reasons he doesn't are his cats, his best friend and near sister, and some of us who are friends.  You... just made him look past all that.  Worse than the last time they tried to use him to start an apocalypse.  That time ended up outing demon kind."  He shuddered.

"So go back to DC," she ordered.  "Fix that leak of yours, and don't come near Xander again.  And if you have agents at his house, he will kill everyone over his cats since he bottle fed them."  He nodded, making that call.  She called Xander.  Who vowed if they were in his house they were dead.  Another voice came on and said he'd make sure of it then hung up.  "Shit, Esposito, a demon's already stalking him."

"Yeah, heard that already," he said, coming back out of the stairs.  "He just came to capture him because the Department of Homeland Security gave the boy to him."  He punched the agent.  "Pass that on, okay?"  He called Faith, who said she'd deal with it.  Then he called Dean and Sam to get her some backup.

***

Willow answered her phone.  "Rosenburg," she said absently while she typed a paper for class.  She stopped typing.  "Excuse me, Dean?  What was that?"  She listened to him.  "Said...."  She hung up and looked up that number, calling them.  "What the hell happened to Xander this time?" she asked calmly.  She stood up.  "Oh hell no!" she assured him.  She hung up.  "Daniel, please babysit," she called, heading to find Buffy and Gunn.  Angel would have liabilities, namely that he hated Xander.  She and Buffy still liked Xander, even if he was always in trouble.  This shit was going to be stopped.  Today.

***

In Spain, Anya looked up when the power started to flux.  "She's really going to destroy everyone this time.  I hope Xander can stop her."  She prayed for it, as hard as she could, calling out to the higher angels to stop Willow.  They probably didn't want to destroy everyone this week.  She hoped.

***

Beckett hung up.  "Rosenburg swore, people."  A few flinched.  She went to lay into the ones that had been picking on Xander, yelling at the top of her lungs about that.  It felt good.  It was good stress relief.

Ryan called General O'Neill.  "Rosenburg was swearing because some guy in Homeland sold Xander to a demon," he said quietly.  "We're anticipating the end of the world soon.  We have no idea.  We have told Faith."  He hung up and started to pray.  Maybe he should hit confession today.  It'd been a while since he had went.

Esposito looked at him.  "We can stop her, bro."

"I'm wondering if this is another demonic attempt to start an apocalypse."

"I don't know," Montgomery said.  "Harris isn't home.  Alexis has all four cats at her place.  She called me.  Rick is talking to his people.  That Homeland agent is talking to his people."  He listened.  "Beckett's going to need some throat spray."  He went to help her.  He needed to yell too.  "Someone tell the Winchesters?"

"Already done."  Esposito went down to tell his dates of the evening.  Maybe they could help even though they weren't really *good*.

***

Buffy and Willow appeared wherever the demon was holding Xander, staring in awe at the ass kicking Xander was giving them.  "When did he learn that?"

"Martial arts lessons," he sneered.  He went back to kicking him around.  "Still think you want me?"

"I own you," he moaned.

Xander held out a hand.  "Stake."  Buffy handed one over.  Xander killed him with a stake in the eye.  "No, you don't own me.  Dead people can't own things."  He watched as Willow dissolved the body.  He looked at them.  "And you're here to help why?"

"Because you got taken by a demon," Buffy said.  "Someone sold you to them."

"Hmm, yup.  They sure did."  He walked around them.  "Let's get home before someone worries."

"They need to be destroyed," Willow said.

"I'm going to destroy them all.  That's my fun," he assured her a bit coolly.  "Now, let's go please."  She nodded, looking scared.  The last time she had seen that level of temper he had just kicked in a door to find her and Anya together.  Xander let them take him to LA, where he went to find the biggest, baddest lawyer he could.  "Mr. Tyr," he said in greeting.  The demon was fleeing the building.  They stared at each other.  "Homeland did it to me."

"Oh, shit," he muttered.  "I...  We're going to have a psychic earthquake."

"No, I'd kill her if she does that."

The demon lawyer stared at him.  "Excuse me?"  Someone hissed in his ear.  "That is very bad.  What do you want to do, Harris?"

"I want to fucking destroy everyone involved and cackle pleasingly while they're ground between two stones."  He smirked.  "Want to be my stone turning handle?"

"Yes, I would."  He walked him off to start that.  Including calming down the local demon society.

"If you didn't help with the plot to try to own my pretty ass, you're safe.  If not, I'd hit a lower realm somewhere," he called as they walked into the demon council building.  "Because I'm *so* in the mood to take Connor's place!"  A few fled but the rest were giving him scared looks.  Another demon appeared and tried to grab Xander.  Xander killed it.  Then he chopped it into pieces using his hunting knife he had on him.  He set them on fire and walked away from the mess.  The demonic council for LA was giving him horrified looks.  He stared back.

"No, I'm not in a good mood," he said bluntly.  "I'm in the mood to destroy anything and anyone who had part in that plan."  A few nodded and one looked nervous.  "I'm going to kill everyone involved.  Am I being heard?"  They all nodded.  "This is my present instrument of torture, Mr. Tyr."  He smiled sweetly and they all shivered.  "I'll let him tell me how much pleasure I'll get watching that same thing happen."

"We do need to know any humans involved as well," the demon lawyer assured them.  "Xander, please calm down?"

"Hell no!"

"Fine.  Try to calm down?"

"No.  I'm not ready for calm yet.  I'm still in happy destruction mode."  He smiled.  "I'm going to the FBI next."

"I can go with you.  Make sure you get there."  He glared at the council.  Who all wilted and nodded they'd help.  He drove the boy over to the FBI building, finding armed guards there.  So they used the parking garage and got around the guards on the elevators.  Epps was loading up his gun.  "No, Agent Epps, I believe you need to talk to him about the agents who sold him," he said, letting Xander follow.

Don Epps stared.  "You made a threat against my city?" he demanded.

"Yes, I did, because some of your agents kindly sold me to demons so they could take my blood and use it to kill others."  He smiled sweetly.  "I'm going to destroy them all."

Don dropped his gun, staring at the kid.  "Excuse me?"

Mr. Tyr sighed and pulled up a sealed file his office had.  "We do keep track of all apocalypse attempts that our competitors, Wolfram and Hart, do.  They infected him with another sample recently so we got a very full set of bloodwork."  He let him see it.  "He's already had to save himself from a few demons."

Don read it then looked at Xander.  "Prove it was them."  The lawyer found that file his secretary had sent when asked.  "Hackers?"

"Yes."

Don nodded once, handing it to his boss when he carefully came over.  "I'd blow up that building too."

Xander sat down.  "I don't care about the building but the ones who did it to me....  I think they'll make pretty greasy spots."

"Yeah, they probably will," Don agreed.  "Can you please calm down?"

"No."  He smirked.  "It's been a pretty bad day.  Starting with the police busting in to get the people who had gotten me drunk and apparently helped me have an orgy last night.  Moved on from there to being picked on by the officers in New York.  Not the ones I talk to mostly but their coworkers."  Don shuddered.  "And then this.  So no.  I don't really care about any human or demonic forms of life at the moment."

"We can arrest them with this information," Don's supervisor said.  "Would that calm you down?"

"They can do it again.  Not like a gag order will really work.  Especially since they sold me to some nice people in Hong Kong as well."

"Oh, dear," Don said.  "Can we prove it?"  Mr. Tyr wrote someone an email and got proof sent to him.  They were going to do anything they had to do to stop the upcoming one-man apocalypse.  Not even the slayers could save humanity this time.  His boss was shuddering.  "At least you left the artillery at home," Don said.

Xander smirked.  "Why would I need artillery?  It's much more satisfying to rip them apart by hand."

"Yeah, it probably is."

"And I can guarantee you that no one will ever do it again when I'm done with them.  Therefore instant safety."  He smiled again.

Don nodded, hugging the kid.  "I get that, and I agree, we need you safer, Xander."  He looked up.  "Colby, check on his accounts?"

"They're sealed," Mr. Tyr said.  "By order of Homeland Security."

"Hey, more people to kill," Xander quipped.  "Are my cats all right?"

"They're with that other writer's daughter."

"Good!"  He smiled.  Then looked at Don.  "You should come see my warehouse.  It's *huge* and has stuff I can't identify in there."

Mr. Tyr stared at him oddly.  "The one in New York?"

"Yes, I inherited it from a date during that curse."  He smirked.  "My house is on top of it actually."

"No one's supposed to touch you," he said.  "That breaks a major demonic covenant."  He walked off calling someone, sounding frantic in his native language.  He winced and kicked a wall but said something else.  Then something more quietly.  He came back.  "The High Council said it can be passed on."

"It goes from me to Sam Winchester."  Xander smirked.   "Then to John Sheppard."

"No, those aren't people that would make others happy," Mr. Tyr said.  Xander shrugged.  "Good point.  Do you have some reason that the High Council should leave you alone?"

Xander smirked and wrote out something, handing it to him.  "Look there."

"That's in Sunnydale."

"Yes, it is."  He called that bank to get the safety deposit box opened and sent to him.  The demon courier looked sick when it appeared.  He looked inside and then stared at him.  "Are those...  Those are summoning dolls."

"Yes, they are," Xander agreed with a smug look.  "I have owed debts."

He tested them and walked off the dolls to call them outside.  Six members of the Demonic High Council.  Three other very high demons.  One of D'Hoffryn's but he disappeared with a squeak.  He'd get him later.  "Xander Harris had these in his possession.  Was it a legal ownership?"  They had to tell the truth.  They had vowed blood into those dolls and lying about it would kill them.  They nodded.  "The High Council has seen fit to use him to start a demonic overthrow of this country by trying to sell his blood."  They all stared.  D'Hoffryn's minion came back looking smug.  "Xander Harris is in a rage of epic proportions.  He wants to destroy a good many people over this so they never try it again."

The High Council members sneered.  "He should die."

Xander walked up behind them with Don behind him.  "I want you six on the Council to kill yourselves and give your positions to your wives or daughters."  They fought the compulsion but had to obey the pay off.  The lawyer gave him a strange look.  "They'd have to be better and it's clear that their gender are stupid in their clans."

"Clearly."  He looked at the others.  "We could expose those agents, sue their agency, and make sure everyone knew to leave you alone, Xander.  You do hold the Warehouse and them trying you just broke the most basic covenants and peace treaties.  The Warehouse was built in as a swearing point for centuries now."

Xander looked at him.  "I don't want the peaceful ones that didn't try me at war."

"Good.  That's rational, we like that," Don said.  He gave him a shoulder squeeze.  If he had to he'd hug the kid to get him calmed down.  Stopping an apocalypse was worth being so unmanly and cuddling.  "Can they do something so all this is stopped and whoever else knows about your blood can't use it?"

"That would probably get him dead," the wish demon noted.  "Mostly by fire so they couldn't use his dead blood either."  Xander nodded.  "If you wish...."

"You try.  Watch me take your mangled corpse to D'Hoffryn."  The demon nodded and bowed his head.  He looked at the others.  "It's up to you whether or not I destroy a good portion of demon kind and a government agency today.  Because I'm still at the point where for all I care I can preempt the plot and give it to everyone."  A few shuddered.  "So, let's hear some ideas, people.  If they're nice enough I'll let that be your owed debt.  If not, I'll get creative.  I'm sure the muses have ideas about destruction too."

Buffy and Willow rushed up, Willow with her daughter.  "What the hell are you doing bringing her here?" Don shouted.  "That's endangering your daughter's life!"

"I'd never hurt her."  Xander took her to hold.  "Hi, Olivia."  She patted him and smiled.  He grinned back.  "You learn how to destroy people from Uncle Xander today, sweetheart.  We'll work on destroying stupid things together.  Yeah, you can keep me a bit calmer."

"That's why I brought her," Willow said.

Daniel stomped up.  "Xander, she's not to learn how to destroy demons until she's eighteen," he complained.

"You might want to make sure no one took some of the bloodwork I've had done and infected her," he said, handing her to her daddy.  "Willow brought her to calm me down."

"I'll be paddling her later," Daniel assured him, hugging his girl.  "Have they?"

"It's been a minor plot," Xander admitted.

"I'll kill 'em myself then."  Xander smirked.  "What's going on?"  Xander told him.  Daniel covered his daughter's ears before bursting out swearing.  Willow was giving him a worried look and trying to get her daughter.  "Woman, go home," Daniel snarled.  She fled.  She took Buffy with her.  He looked at Xander.  "I'll beat her later."

"You might ask Detective Beckett about fertility magic Tara found on her."

"I can do so."  He looked at the demons.  "You're finally calling in the poker debts?"

"From the box in Sunnydale."  Tyr whimpered.  Xander smirked.  "I could be evil and have the New York one sent."

"No, these ones should be more than plenty."  They all nodded and got back to work planning on how to stop it.  They even included the puny human agents to make them feel better.  They let the mini-witch go home for now.  Harris would only get scarier if they went near the baby or her father.

A higher demon appeared, sighing as she pushed her hair back.  "What we're going to do is this," she announced.  "We are going to go back and stop those demons who were so stupid as to break the treaties, children."  They all stared at her.  "That way Xander is not sold to any demons, he does not have to destroy everyone everywhere, and he does not have to finish ripping them apart at the seams.  Though it will be coming out so he can sue them.  That way no one will ever try it again."  She patted Xander on the head.  "Secondly, the last two protections on your apartment are missing so I'm going to put them on.  We will leave a few people who know so you can lean on them when this all comes out."  She looked at them.  They all agreed because she could and would kill them in a horrible, messy manner if they didn't.  "Xander, that would cancel those debts, correct?"

"I suppose."

"Good."  She smiled.  "I know that leaves the box you have in New York, the other one in Sunnydale, and the one in DC."  She patted him again.  "Let us get on that immediately," she said, staring at the wish demon.  He nodded and cast that wish so it was going to be right.  End of panic for most of them.  The warehouse wasn't going to go to Sam Winchester for a long time, until after his prophesied moment passed.  Xander would calm down and quit trying to kill humanity.  It was probably the best plan any of them could have.

***

Ryan got a head's up feeling and answered his phone as it rang.  And suddenly he remembered.  He said a quiet thank you at the information that one other would remember, then hung up and pulled Beckett aside.  She was clearly remembering too, but not all of it.  So he told her about the assholes who had decided to pick on Xander.  She nodded and they would handle it more quietly.  They went to break up the 'got Xander drunk' party and realized that it had added a different person as well.  So therefore he'd still have to go to the doctor's and do the humiliating confession part.

They had no idea who the transvestite brunette in the bad wig was.   Esposito lost the coin toss so he got to wake her up and stared.  Sam Winchester.  Okay then.  The demons were getting freaky.  They got the others arrested, downtown, called their various agencies if they had one, and the State Department for the former KGB officer.  Ryan stayed to wake up Xander.  Who stared oddly at him.  "You got drunk."

"I don't drink," he mumbled.

"Yeah, I think that's how they did it, Xander."  Xander woke up when Sam flopped down next to him.  Ryan grinned.  They were cute.

Sam woke Xander up.  "Why was I wearing a wig, dude?" he asked, sounding a bit stoned.

Xander looked confused.  "When did you get here?"

"I don't know."

"Huh."  He shrugged and cuddled.  "Nice and comfy, Sam.  Thank you."

"Guys, we have to talk about the agents and others who used you both as sex toys," Ryan said.  Sam whined, diving under the covers.  Ryan went to make coffee.  Never let it be said that Kevin Ryan didn't understand how those things happened.  He had went to college.  He had even went to frat parties.  Somehow he had even managed to end up in a tent on top of the admin building with half a sorority and one frat brother in a very compromising position during a snowstorm.   He'd actually like the memories to that night back.  So he'd be understanding with the boys.  This time.  He also fed the kittens, who adored him for it, and put down two cans of tuna.  They quit trying to climb him for that largess.  He brought up two cups of coffee for the boys, finding them both snoring.  "Boys!" he snapped.  They jumped and stared at him.  "Coffee?"

Xander blinked a few times, looking around.  "I didn't know Sam was here.  Sam, did we have fun and I don't remember?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted, making himself unhide and sit up.  "I remember waking up in a strange wig."  Xander gave him a confused look.  They both gratefully took the coffee.

"We took nine agents and others out of here," Ryan told them.  They both stared at him.  "A few were Xander dates of ages past, some were more recent ones."  Xander whimpered.  "Drink the coffee, Xander."  Xander nodded, drinking it with a grimace.  "You're out of sugar."

"Okay," he said, sounding weak.  "Why does my mouth taste like a frog?"

"They got you drunk."

"I don't drink."

"I know that.  That's why it didn't take too much to turn into a bad girl, and two boy, orgy."  Sam whimpered, shaking his head.  "Drink, Sam.  It'll make it better.  They both drank and things looked a bit more clear.  "Want driven to the doctor's, guys?"  They both nodded.  "Shower and all that."  They went in to do that, Sam going to his usual room.

"Oh, my god, I was wearing pink hotpants?" he complained.

"No clue," Ryan admitted.  But that was an image he didn't want to have, thank you very much.

"Um, no, I think Megan was under her skirt," Xander called.

"Thank God."

"These morning after moments should always feel weird.  That's how you know it's not healthy," Ryan said.  He went to make them some food to soak up any remaining alcohol.  It could only help.  Sam was looking pouty.  Xander still looked confused.  "Get down," he told the cat on the counter.  "You know better.  Your daddy will spray you."  He ran.  Ryan checked the open cabinet and removed the cat from the glasses.  "You too."  He put her down and she ran off.  Xander trudged down the stairs pulling on a shirt.  Ryan gave him the toast.  Xander hugged him.  "It's all right."

"Nine?" he mumbled.

"Nice.  Two agents."

"Huh."  He pulled back to look then at the cats.  "If I leave the door open, you four get into trouble.  You tried to jump to the next building the other day.  They'd eat you over there so you're not allowed outside when Daddy's not home."

Sam came down the stairs.  "Xander, I had to bum clothes.  I don't have any."  Ryan handed him the toast and the house phone.  Even he knew Dean was an overprotective big brother sort.  Sam nodded, dialing him.  "Somehow I ended up at Xander's in a date night thing with others.  I'm okay."  He hung up and ate the toast.  "I have no idea what sort of liquor they used."

Xander shrugged.  "I don't keep any in the house."

"Good point."  They looked, no bottles in the trash.  The cats got petted and sent to play.  Xander and Sam went to his doctor's.  Ryan went back to work.  Beckett was already chewing someone a new one for teasing the boys by text.

"Walk of shame at the doc's?" Esposito guessed.

"Yup.  They had toast and coffee.  The cats are getting too spoiled."

"He needs cabinet locks," Rick agreed.  Ryan nodded.  "Why wasn't the patio door open for air?"

"Xander said one of them tried to be adopted by the next building."

"Cats are adventurous."  They got back to filling out paperwork.  "How many more background checks?"

"Three," Esposito complained, handing them to his partner so he could get coffee.

Ryan went in there to talk to them.  "All right, let's be blunt," he said, staring at them.  "Xander's going to do a confession to his doc."  They all moaned and shook their heads.  "Nothing?"  They shook their heads again.  "We're certain?"

"They don't let skanky hos do their sort of work," Megan quipped with a grin.

The transexual agent looked at her.  "Someone had a yeast infection I think, but no, we're allowed to be non-skanky hos.  We can't pick up and sex up foreign agents for sexpionage when we're dirty that way."

Ryan smiled.  "Thanks, guys.  Sam...  Any idea how Sam got there?"

"Brunette guy with the wig?  No clue," the actual male agent admitted.  "He just appeared."

"Okay.  We can handle that."  He went back to his desk to tell Xander's phone that.  It could help their doctor a lot.

Beckett came back.  "Did the last two say anything?"

"I asked about the doctor's visit both boys are doing."

"I'm hoping like hell they used condoms."

"Me too," Ryan admitted.  "Though no one's sure how or when Sam got there.  Or why he was in the wig."

"Dean's going to throw a massive fit," she decided.

"I had Sam call him."

"Even better."

***

Xander looked at the agent who was bothering him on his way back home.  "Yes?" he asked impatiently.

"Mr. Harris, thank you for calming down."

Xander shrugged.  "Sometimes it's gotta happen, dude."

"I agree.  It let us do a lot of housekeeping duties we've been needing to do.  I've talked to the lawyer that I got told you used then, and he'll be helping you.  Agent Epps also said to please stay calm and send back the three evil bitches you dated."

"They got me drunk, it wasn't my idea," Xander complained.

"I'll talk to Detective Beckett then."  He stared at him.  "You do have protections?"

"Yes."

"You are taking precautions, all that?"  Xander nodded.  "Good."  He smiled.  "Why is your cab waiting?"

"I don't know."

Sam walked over to talk to him.  "He paid you a twenty, the fare is under that."  Xander handed over a five.  The guy complained.  "I'm calling your dispatcher."  The cab roared off and Sam did call them to complain about that.

The agent smirked.  "Maybe you two should make a go of it."

"Still straight, dude, and some day I want the quiet, white picket fence lifestyle instead of the hunting one."  Sam smirked a bit evilly.

"If I die too soon, the warehouse is yours," Xander quipped.

"It'll give me something to do and my future kids a place to play."  They both stared at the agent.  "Are you going to cause him more problems?"

"No.  Just letting him know I know what happened."

"Thank you," Xander said with a sweet smile.  "If they try to use me that way again I'll let you know so you can go 'oooh, he's more mad this time' from front row seats."

"Good."  He walked off, catching his own cab back to the station.  He had some questions about that warehouse and what it might contain.  He figured the officers the boy leaned on to arrest his dates might know.  He walked off into a screaming match.  "Epps said that he wanted his dirtbags back in LA, Detective."

She stared at him.  "I'll call Don later."  He smirked.  "You're the one that kept it."

"I am and it let me do a lot of housekeeping we needed to do."  He smirked harder.  "What is up with that warehouse?"

"It's freakishly large.  It goes on for miles.  It holds things that are a danger to humanity so they can't be used.  Demons consider the owner and keeper of the warehouse to be sacred," Ryan said as he typed, not looking up.  "It has possessed and other mystical artifacts in there plus now and then things from General O'Neill's project and a few other things.  Now and then people ship stuff to there for Xander.  Like weapons."

"I still like the nicely wrapped missile system," Castle said with a grin.

"I didn't like having to tow it back to the CSI lab building," Beckett said.  "We looked like a parade float."

"At least it was covered so no one guessed what it was," Esposito quipped.  "The neighboring factories give us really funny looks whenever we're carrying artillery out."

"True," she agreed.  "They do stand and stare whenever Taylor or we show up to weed out any new presents."

"Poker debts?" the agent from Homeland asked.

"No, those go into a speciality warehouse we monitor.  We made sure of it."  She smirked at him.  "Xander knows he can't use anything and is to tell us as soon as he gets something.  If he needs it for an apocalypse battle all he has to do is let us know but it goes directly into the storage area."

"It's our city's invasion vault," Ryan quipped with a grin.  "He's got good taste too."

Esposito nodded.  "Even I've went down there for some weapon petting time after a bad case."

"Those, I go play with his cats," Ryan told his partner.  "They're mostly happy to be petted and played with.  Xander never minds.  He even lets me use the pool."

"I should get in on that plan this summer."

"You're both insane," she told them.  They grinned.  "They only try to climb up me and investigate my shoes."

"They do the same thing to Paula," Rick said as he walked back in with his new coffee.  "Things are getting back to normal I see?"

"Xander could probably use his paychecks from the last place," Ryan said.

"I'm going to ask for them today when I get mine.  Tara asked me to because Xander's bank account is looking strange to her."

One of the newly arrested Xander dates coughed.  "She'll be putting that back, Mr. Castle.  We've already had a talk with her about stealing from Xander."  The others all shivered at his polite, gentle tone of voice.

"Don't make me do more work," Beckett warned.  "I hate having to put off dates for paperwork and dead bodies."

"That's not a problem, Detective.  There's so many more interesting places to put people you don't want found than New York City."  He smiled.  The others nodded that was true.

One of Xander's dates from LA sighed.  "I miss having the ocean so conveniently close by.  It did make cleaning up that weapons dealing street gang so much easier and nicer."

The male looked down at him.  "I send mine to someone I know that has a mine field he tests with new designs.  They make great weights to be dropped on top of them and he always enjoys the mess.  Creates art from it."

"Eww," Ryan said.

"People seem to like spatter artworks.  They go for many dollars."

The homeland agent shook his head as he walked off.  This was too strange for him.  It really was.  He'd talk to the detectives later, when the insanity had been put into a holding cell.

The detectives and Castle shared a smirk then smirked at the daters.  "You're welcome," Megan quipped.

"I wonder if we could loosen his stick up his ass the way we loosened Xander's muses last night," one of the ladies said.

"We don't want to know," the detectives said in unison.

"But if you want, I'll take notes as future ideas," Rick chimed in.  Beckett swatted him.  "I'm sure Xander would probably like to know too."

"Can you see if I left my ruby broach there?" one of the women asked.  "I got it off my first hit and it's very sentimental to me."

"Sure, we can ask Xander that," Esposito agreed.  "Though we'd have to see if it was stolen."

"No, I erased that file."  She smiled at them.

"We'll ask after they get back from the doctor's," Ryan said.

"But we didn't have anything," the male former agent said.

"You guys don't know if Sam might have though.  He's always on the road and sometimes picks up waitresses, so there's no telling," Esposito said.

"And it's better anyway," Ryan agreed.  "Especially since Rosenburg has been playing with fertility magic and wanting to have a niece from him."  They all shuddered.

"I want the morning after pack," Megan said quickly.  The other women nodded.

"With Rosenburg, we all need it," the male former agent muttered.

"Tell me about it," Rick snorted.  "She tried to get me.  Tara had to yell at her after she took the spells off me."  They all shivered.

"We'll see what we can do," Beckett said, calling the prison doc about that.  He wasn't used to magic but if they could get the morning after pills for the two males, so be it.  The others he was allowed to give out if requested.

The dates all shared a look.  Perhaps it hadn't been their idea to party with Xander at the same time after all.  Most of them weren't the sort to share.  They hadn't figured out what they had been drinking.  Or how Sam had gotten there and into such a fetching wig.

Ryan looked up.  "If it was her doing, Tara would hate having to move back to LA to cover it.  Beth wouldn't move with her.  She'd hate to lose Beth and Xander."  They nodded at that.  "Also remember she has a little girl and a husband."

Megan smiled.  "Maybe we can teach her husband how to use a shock collar or something if this was her idea.  I'm sure he'd be brilliant at it with a bit of instruction."

"With what Angel used to be he might even have one available," the male former agent agreed.

"I'm pretty certain if Willow's made any of you pregnant, Xander's going to let Daniel hold the baby while he kicks Willow around," Beckett said dryly.  "He's promised to a few times before."  They smiled at her.  They still wanted the morning after pills, just in case.

Xander warped probabilities for fun.

Rosenburg did insane things that worked when they shouldn't.

Those gifts together was why the good guys had won for so long.  Turned against each other, even hell wouldn't take the bet that something wasn't going to happen.

The End.

Chapter 22: Filling In The Plot Holes

Some rumors are abounding about Xander, and he doesn't like them when he hears them.

Xander walked into Paula's new publishing office, looking around.  He looked at her.  "Were you turned?"

"No, Xander.  There's some windows behind the scaffolding over there," she said with a point.  She smiled at him.  "Who started the newest joint novel?"  Xander pointed at Rick when he walked in.  "Uh-huh.  Did you write that baby Xander, Rick?"

"No, Xander did that."

"I realized that while I was writing it but the baby was so boring before," Xander said.  He gave her a good boy grin.  "Now the baby's fun and it's good to read."

"It is," Rick agreed, sitting down.  Xander perched on some boxes.  "Still decorating?" he teased with a grin.

"No!  They're on back order."  She looked at them.   "There's no way they won't associate this with you two.  The baby is obviously a miniature Xander."

"Originally the nanny was," Rick joked.  He grinned at Xander.  "I got through the first chapter then sent it to you.  He had just been drugged."

"I heard about the bad girl orgy they had to break up," she said, looking at Xander.

"It was not my doing."

"I heard that too.  Rosenburg sent me an apology letter for you."  She handed it over.

Xander read it then called someone.  "It's me.  Willow sent my publisher a letter of apology for wanting you guys to all come over and encouraging us to have that sort of fun."  He smiled.  "Have fun in LA.  It's a great promotion, dear.  There's an agent I trust *absolutely* in the LA office.  His name is Don Epps.  Yeah, the guy that helped us with Sunnydale stuff.  His team got freaked out but handled it and the sniper he brought in to watch their back did the same but Don's a stand-up guy.  And if you need my help, let me know, dear.  Talking about the newest book.  Sure, have a good move and let me know if I can help."  He blew a kiss and hung up.  He put the letter into his pocket.  He texted someone else the contents of it and got back a 'I want to see that'.  So he faxed it from Paula's fax and put a dollar on her desk for it.  Then he sat down again.

Rick looked at him.  "She encouraged it?"

"Yeah."  He let Rick see it.

Rick read it, folded it, then handed it back.  "If Daniel doesn't beat her...."

"Olivia can cheer me on," Xander said dryly.  Paula smiled.  "I'm sure someone heard and said something."

"No one heard anything.  Just that they raided your apartment post-party and found a few people that should not be in the US.  Since everyone knows you date bad people that's not all that shocking."  She shifted, crossing her legs under the desk.  "Are you going to use the same pen name this time?"  They shrugged.  "All right.  Contracts?"  She handed them over.  "They're a blatant copy of your last ones but I cut out some of the admin costs for you."

"You mean I'll make more," Xander asked with a grin.

"Slightly," she agreed.  "Donnie's part of the office so he's on a standard, good salary instead of piecemeal work.  Then he gets five percent on top of that."  Rick nodded that was reasonable, reading his over.  She went over Xander's with him so he didn't miss anything.  He signed it and she went over what she had of his.  Still.  She took Rick's signed contract back and noted she needed one from him soon.  He nodded he knew that.

"He wrote his parts of that joint novel while sitting beside Beckett's desk waiting to be told he was grounded," Rick joked.

"I haven't had time to write in the last few days either," Xander admitted.

"That's fine," Paula assured him.  "We have plenty that needs to go out, Xander.  And that new dark, dirty story set?"  She stared at him.  "Porn is bad and doesn't sell that way.  Not even Anne Rice could get away with that level of porn."

"Did the producer like it?"

"She said she took it home, got happy for days on end, but they can't do it without an X rating so they can't do it."  He shrugged.  "You can put it on your website though.  Tease with a chapter now and then."

"Some of them are kids," Rick said.

"I'll put a age warning," Xander promised.  Rick nodded that was a good idea.  "Does the person that did it know how to do it?"

"Yes," Rick said.  "Did he teach you how to update things?"

"How to post an update.  Which I think I'm falling behind on."

"Maybe," Rick agreed.  "But your fanclub won't mind all that much."  He patted him on the arm.  "We'll work on it.  Have Sam help."

"He left today to meet up with Dean.  He didn't let me buy him a plane ticket either."

"Huh, but I guess you get to know a lot of the US by greyhound."  He looked at Paula again.  "He was helping a new writer."

"I heard and she squealed a lot about his hand-holding."  Xander beamed.  "Update your page at least once a week, Xander.  Try to get on a schedule with it."  He nodded.  "Or hire someone to do it for you."

"Are we back to getting me an assistant?"

"Maybe," she agreed.  "Because you missed an interview."  He winced.  "She figured you were recovering from that bad girl moment."

"When?"

"The next morning."

"I was at the doc's."

"Good!" she assured him.  He shrugged, giving her a sheepish look.  "Never again if possible."  He pointed to the west.  "If she does, I'll beat her myself."

"Okay," he agreed quietly.

"Good boy."  Xander barked.  She snickered.  "Even better.  We rescheduled it for tomorrow."

"Which will suck since I have a dentist appointment at two," he said.  He handed her his phone.

She made notes.  "Hers is at five."  He nodded.  She updated his phone then updated Rick's calendar for him too.  She smiled.  "There you go.  Shoo."  They fled.  She sighed and got up to rearrange some things.  It was a good start to her house.

***

Xander walked in the next afternoon with his face swollen.  "Hi, Gretchen," he said, slightly mumbling.

She stared at him.  "Sore tooth, Xander?"

"Dentist visit.  Cleaning, whitening," he mumbled, sitting down.  "Paula didn't know."  She nodded that happened.  The interview went all right.  He tried his best to sound like he wasn't speaking through cotton wool from his numbed mouth.

She smiled at the end.  "I have heard all sorts of rumors."

He shifted.  "Sorry?"

"I've heard those too," she said, staring at him.  He shook his head.  "It didn't happen?"

"Not intentionally."

"It never is," she assured him.  He shrugged and held up the letter.  She moaned.  He nodded.  "Someone needs to beat her."   He nodded faster.  "I've heard other rumors.  Are you dating?"

"No.  Well, yes, but not exclusively.  I'm dating to find someone, not dating someone."

"That's fine, Xander."

"I have heard a rumor that the hidden duo that did that mystery novel is putting out one."

She smiled.  "Really?"  He nodded.  "Same series?"  He shook his head.  "Interesting."  She made note of that.  "Through the same publisher?"

"They followed us and Paula.  The company she worked for fired me for depossessing everyone.  A lot of her people followed her."

"That's very interesting news.  We had heard she left to set up her own publishing house but not why."  Xander nodded.  "I won't spread why but she left after they fired you?"

"She said I make her a lot of money."

"Good point.  I hope your mouth feels better."

"Me too.  I can't feel my tongue."  She laughed and nodded.  "Let me go nap and drool on the kitties.  Have a nice night, Gretchen."

"You too, Xander."  He grinned and made sure he wasn't drooling as he walked off.  She smiled at his back.  He was such a nice boy.  A bit strange and forceful sometimes but a sweet, nice, good boy.

***

Xander walked into his fanclub's meeting two weeks later, seeing all the awed looks.  "I actually came by to do more than answer questions about the new series."  He smiled.  "I'm horrible with the website stuff, guys.  I really am."  They all nodded and grinned.  "So I'm going to ask if there's anyone who can help me?  I'll put up my own updates but I have no idea how to do any of that.  Or put up stuff that Paula said I can't have published."

"There's some of those?" his club president asked.

He nodded, handing her a chapter.  "There's a four novel set, originally three but I got an idea the other day, that's a bit too ...dirty for the publishing industry."  She read it, moaning halfway through the second page.  "Exactly.  And I can't get it made into a movie because they can't get an R rating and do it justice.  So I need someone who can help me with the website.  The guy who set it up for me is busy."

"So someone to help you do updates, put up chapters, all that?" the president asked.  Xander nodded.  "You didn't have to take a computer class in high school?"

"I had to do one.  The highest we got was how to fix problems in Word and do your email.  Sunnydale was a sucktastic school."

"We've heard," another one said.  "How much is it paying?"

"Say....two hundred a week?  I'm not sure how much work is involved but if that's low I'd negotiate."

"Probably a bit high just for that," that member said.  She shrugged.  "My sister does that sort of work.  I'll ask her."  Xander beamed at her.  She took the next chapter to look over.  "Oh, no wonder you can't publish this!"

Xander smirked.  "One of the officers Rick Castle works with moaned at work when I asked him to read it to see it was crap since my editor didn't want to read it."

She beamed at him.  "Four novels?"  Xander nodded.  "Does it get more graphic?"  He nodded more quickly but was grinning.  "Are we talking like that fairytale kingdom series?"  He pulled a bundle of papers out of his back pocket and let her see that.  She gaped at him.  He nodded.  "Wow.  Yeah, that's more graphic."

"I have no idea how to do more than say 'please be over 21 and if possible at least middle aged to read this'."

She handed that back but someone else took it to read.  "You're right, I don't think I'm old enough and I'm twenty-three."

"I couldn't sleep," Xander admitted.  "It came from the darker area than Tral did when he didn't let me sleep."  He sat down.  "Paula pushed back the next book by two weeks because of the publishing house switch over to her own house."  That got a lot of nods.  "But now my editor works for her."  He beamed.  They smiled back.  "So, anything you guys want to know?"

"That space vampire story?  You said you have others?" one asked.

"Three others.  Two are with Paula.  The other is being fixed so the beginning's not the same.  We'll have to wait for that suit to play out or the time limit to run out, whichever comes first."  That got a nod.  "Though I did bridge from that one guy's story into the actual series."  A few grinned.  "It basically will come after the next one and before the fifth."

"Is he doing it to other authors?"

"They asked him to.  He didn't know I was still publishing.  They told him I had quit writing.  I met him in a bookstore, showed him that part of the story that said you can't break pair bonds, and we talked like adults.  I don't hold it against him, guys.  It's not his fault.  The people behind it I'm suing like hell."   The group laughed, but one mother.  He shrugged a bit at her.  "Sorry, didn't see the little one."

"He's heard worse language."

Xander grinned.  "The next book coming out is technically a young adult novel."  A few people gave him a funny look.  "Someone wanted me to write a commissioned piece.  Which basically means they gave me a plot synopsis and wanted me to do it.  They do it sometimes in the romance novel genre or in piece work for known series.  But it is a YA book and it is a positive message.  Somehow the heroine got to me as whiny and wimpy.  The hero was a pathetic guy who I wanted to drop in a lake a few times.  So the anti-hero got it."  Everyone smiled.  "I know, blatant, but a good, positive message."  That mother smiled.  "Sometimes the hero isn't the pretty guy with the good hair or Fred."

The president laughed.  "I heard your hunting team called themselves Scoobies."

He nodded.  "Yeah, I was Shaggy for years.  Velma and Daphne are still on the west coast."

"Who's that baby that you were cuddling during the convention?" that mother asked.

Xander pulled out his wallet.  "That is Willow's daughter Olivia.  I'm her godparent, though they never did anything churchy to make it official."  He let her see the picture.  "She's crawling and babbling a lot right now.  Is definitely a daddy's girl.  Tries to escape her mom sometimes."

"She's adorable."  She handed it back.  A few others looked and smiled.  Xander put it back into his wallet.  "The only one?"

"I'm not fertile.  Which I kinda like because if I ignore the cats the way I do sometimes, a kid would get worse probably."  She nodded that was true.  "I'm trying to be practical about that stuff.  I wouldn't want a kid to live in my insane life right now anyway.  And with my taste in women, I'd have to take full custody from the bad girl society I date."  She cackled.  "I have met some very nice women but none of them wanted to date me unless they had at least a tiny bit of bad girl past.  I don't know why but bad girls can be fun."

"Bad boys too?" the mother asked.

"I've had a few of them too.  One was CIA.  He gave me a nuclear warhead as a present."  She gaped.  He nodded and sighed.  "I dated a few who went undercover and things like that too.  I'd just really like someone permanent again, ya know?  Someone nice.  Someone who reminded me about things without nagging.  Someone who liked my muses like I do.  Or maybe gave me a few hours free every now and then.  Just someone...nice."  They smiled.  "Rick Castle's mom introduced me to a lot of actresses about my age and they all seemed to think I was too goofy and cuddly.  Or clearly weren't interested.  None of the other authors I've met were either."

"Would you date a fan?" the fan club president asked.

"Yeah.  I'd expect my spouse to at least proofread for me," he said with a teasing grin.  She blushed and giggled.  "Let's face it, they'd have to like my muses.  They're pushier than the cats are."

"Did you really date someone who sold people?" the mother asked.

"I didn't know that at the time and I did ruin her stock by setting them free and handing them to the police when I found out.  The next one I walked away from.  That first one's now out of the business since they're all mad that I set her captives free.  She's shown up once but Beckett got there within hours to get her.  I spent some time distracting her so she couldn't disappear but...."  He smirked.  The mother gaped.

"I have very realistic views of who I date.  I know I only draw the dangerous and deadly sorts.  I know I draw agents who have a dark side and all that.  And unless they're real dirtbags, like those who sell people, I'm mostly okay with that.  There's some times I'm not but I'm real aware that normal people don't seem to want to date me.  In her case, I distracted her and my muses for about three hours until however Beckett finds out who I'm dating told her and she came to get her.  I had every bit of faith that she would."

"The others still hurt people," that mother said.

"I'm going to give a pass to the people who rob the ultra rich.  I'm going to give a pass to weapons dealers for the most part, because I collect for apocalypse battles."  She nodded she knew that.  "Hunting, like the hunting novels, it's not...."

"It's not a glamorous, easy field like police work where everyone is either good or bad," the president of the fanclub told her.

"Exactly," Xander agreed.  "Hunting is still taking out things that hurt people."

"I get that," she agreed.

"Even though I'm retired and only on for apocalypse battles, or something huge that happens locally, I've seen enough of that side of life that ...  Well, even before then nice girls didn't like me.  Now they really don't like me.  I don't even play hard or anything like that but ...  Hunting is like a perpetual war in a lot of ways," he explained.  "Only it's a war that most of the country doesn't want to get behind, hear about, anything like that."  He shifted to lean on his knees.  "There's a reason not many hunters make it to sixty."  The mother nodded, looking a bit upset.  "I may be retired for all but the worst things but I've been injured enough that I'm already getting arthritis in my knees and my neck.  One shoulder I dislocated once.  Let's face it, I got seven concussions in five years."

"And it'd take someone with that same sort of knowledge to understand you," another member said.

Xander nodded.  "Or a soldier, someone who's actually seen that level of humanity.  Which is why I'm not overly upset that I don't draw nice people to date, even though I'd like one.   If I'm dating an assassin who takes out despots and those sorts, they understand what I've seen and as long as they're not taking out nuns, little kids, and those sort I'm okay with them taking out people who kill others for happies.  Because there's some out there."  The mother nodded she understood that.  "And it's not polite or nice or happy making but they probably got into it the same way I did.  Something pulled them into the life.  In my case it was my best friend since I was Olivia's age being taken by vamps."

"Oh," she said quietly.  "You do write nice things."

Xander smiled.  "I try really hard to keep any and all darkness that might be undercutting certain lifestyles out of my books.  There's enough, even in the hunter series, that points that it's not a happy career choice and no one should *want* to do it.  In DCIS it's more...a career like law enforcement is.  Only they have that one bad news team that handles the things that the regular people can't.  The same as the FBI has people who do SWAT things and regular agents."

"I can understand that.  Some of the hunter novels are dark."

"Yeah but that's because you get drawn into it.  A lot. A lot of them say 'I'll get the thing that drew me in and then quit' and find out that they can't just retire.  The same as I'm always going to be on for apocalypse battles, even if I'm in a wheelchair.  Thankfully I have weapons skills."  He grinned.  "And I don't mean to depress anyone or talk anyone out of reading them.  A few hunters are still really mad that I exposed the hunting lifestyle that way.  But a few others who have kids gave them the series to read so they understood what their parents went through and could make an informed choice about joining the life."

"I guess I can understand that.  Did you hunt that way?"

"No, we were more a group approach.  We went on nightly patrols, we went club hunting, those things.  We were tilted more toward the methods DCIS used, especially with all the peaceful species.  But now and then we had to break into hunter mode and fix things.  Or handle a battle."  She nodded she got that.  "I'm not as bad as I could be.  If I had went out like Dean Winchester, who got well known after the invasion, and his family, I'd probably have never even thought about writing."

"You know them well?" one of the others asked.  "Is Sam really smart?"

"He's not the sort of smart that pushes it on others.  He doesn't use the big words, come out with random book facts, that sort of thing.  But he is a research God.  Even Giles called him that a few times.  Sam can find research on nearly *anything*."  He grinned.  "He found me ancient mystical weapon research for a book when he was laid up with a bum ankle for a few days.  Dean's a hands-on guy, like I am.  But he also tinkers.  He can make his own hunting gear.  He's a gun god in some ways."  She grinned.

"John's just kinda grumpy.  But he's very badas... um, a very strong fighter physically.  I don't think I could take him in a fair fight.  Then again, I don't tend to fight fair."  She squealed.  "John's somewhere in New Hampshire at the moment.  The guys are in Oregon I think.  I found a site online for hunter groupies that tracks where all the cute hunters are and told Dean.  He blushed *bright* red and walked off mumbling something to get a beer.  Sam picked on him for days because they track Dean and not him."

The mother smiled.  "Maybe you two....."  She waved a hand.

He shrugged.  "I like Sam a lot.  If Sam wanted to settle down and do normal guy things with me, I wouldn't mind it.  The kittens love him and Dean.  One almost adopted Dean when he had the broken legs.  She lapped his hair for him, kneaded his stomach whenever he moaned in pain.  Kneaded his casts a few times.  Napped with him.  Would only let him feed her kitten treats."  That got a mass 'aww'.

"If either one wanted to settle down and do normal things with me, I'd more than happily pounce and squeal.  Sam wanted the picket fence when he retired and Dean's not sure if he ever wants to retire yet."  He shrugged.  "If it happens I'd be happy.  If not, they're really hot."  The girls all sighed and nodded.  "You know, they're the teaching team in DCIS."  One fanned her face.  "Yeah, the girls there, they *love* PT now."  He smirked.

"That's really a real place?" the mother asked.

"In another realm.  Olivia's mommy was having a magic addiction moment and sent me there when I was trying to protect Tara from her.  The me there is really nice."  He beamed.  "And the girls are all pretty sweet but they still try to panty raid the new guys."  Most of the room laughed.  He smiled at the mother.  "I got permission from everyone before I wrote anything.  Then I changed everyone's looks.  A lot of writers do that, especially in true crime.  The rest, I've never met Tral but he sounds like fun."  Even the mother laughed that time.

He grinned at the group.  "Anyway, I just came to ask for help and I did not mean to depress anyone so I'm sorry if I did.  You guys let me know if you find someone to help me?  My email's no longer backed up.  I fixed that for breakfast."  A few snickered.  "Seriously.  The kittens were ignoring me eating so I wasn't having to protect my food."  He stood up.  "Have a good meeting, guys.  And remember, I love my fans so if you guys need stuff, you let me know."  He left.

"He forgot to take that first chapter and the smutty part," the girl who had it said.  They passed it around.  It was nice how he spoiled them.

***

Xander met with his new webgoddess two days later.  "Hi," he said, sliding into the seat across from her.  "Mary?"  She nodded with a grin.  "I'm Xander."  He shook her hand.  "Did they tell you I'm about webpage stupid?"

"They put it in nicer terms."  She opened his site.  "I've looked it over and it's nicely created."

"But I have no idea how to do anything.  He showed me how to upload updates and things but I'm still lost and it comes out with coding and funny marks or symbols."

"That's curly quotes."

"Like ..."

"Which writing program do you use?"

"Word Perfect."  He pulled out his laptop.  She got into his auto correct feature to turn those off.  "That does that?"

"That puts in the quotes that have the curl.  This will leave straight ones that don't need special code, which is what causes those symbols."  She did a find and replace for him on his current one, getting a nod and a grin.  "Like that."

"That's great."  He beamed at her.  "You're already worth the money."

She smiled back.  "I'm glad to be of help.  What did you want to do first?  Since it's a new site have you decided to make changes?"

"I have four novels that I'll be putting up slowly over the next few years but they're... frankly parts of it are too smutty for middle aged women."  She laughed.  "Seriously.  So I need to do more than beg for them to be over eighteen.  If they find a way around it, so be it, but I have no idea how to do that beyond a statement.  I'm having trouble putting up weekly updates for my fans.  Now and then I might want to put up teaser pieces for later books."

"Your site's wordpress so that's not too hard.  Personal posts are tagged usually."  He looked clueless again.  "We can do that."  He beamed.  "As for the age verification thing, I have a few ways of doing that."

"I saw one of the online writing community's sites that has one but I didn't like the 'we'll report you' aspect."

"I haven't.... aff's?" she guessed.  He nodded.  "Okay, so nothing that strict but something decent and not too harsh.  We can deal with that and make that members only.  So that you have to sign up and part of that would be an age statement."  Xander nodded.  "Let me work on that.  I might have to take you off wordpress but I'd keep the same address for the most part."  Xander beamed.  "I'll figure that out and make it easy for you to use and update."  He nodded.  "And make it safe for kids."

Xander grinned.  "Thank you."

"It's not a problem.  That's not really a lot of work.  As for doing weekly updates and monitoring the site, that's not a lot of work either and two hundred a week is a pretty good paycheck for it.  I know you told my sister that it's negotiable and that's good for me with this level of work.  Even if I do have to move everything to a better site, it'll be fine and take me about a week."  He hugged her and she patted him awkwardly.  He grinned and handed her the first week's paycheck, getting a smile.

"Give me a week to work on that age coding, look everything over, all that.  I need your password."  He got into that file, letting her see it.  "I can do that."  He beamed and put his laptop up before bouncing off.  She grinned.  "My sister said he was a really nice goofball."  She settled in to look over what the person who had set it up had done.  It was simple and elegant, but a bit dark.  Then again, some people weren't really computer design literate.

She wondered why he hadn't gone back to him but an email to him about a problem she found said he was too busy to handle it.  So she guessed that was fair of Xander.  She had told him she was helping him with the story uploading and he said he didn't mind.  So all good on her end.  Though she did want to lighten the text color just a bit and did it on him in the interests of being able to read easier.  He'd appreciate that.

***

Xander walked into the old publishing house, smiling at the nice people who paid him.  "Paula said you guys had my last three checks ready?"

The head girl looked in the box of them, shaking her head.  "Not a thing, Mr. Harris."

"You should have three royalty checks."  He called her.  "Paula, don't they have my last three checks still?"  He held out the phone.  "Paula."

She took it.  "Ma'am, we have no notes saying that we need to have checks ready for him.  Oh, you're her.  Um...."  She took the phone to her boss.  "Mary, that one that just left?  Apparently we're supposed to have her writer's last checks?"

"I haven't seen a thing."  She took the phone to talk to her and look things up.  "They're not even in the system," she told her.  Paula went over what they should have based on her notes.  She found that information and saw she should have them but didn't.  They couldn't figure out why.  She hung up and walked the phone out to Xander.  "Mr. Harris, we have no idea why they haven't been sent to us yet."

He nodded once.  "Okay.  That's interesting.  Is this retaliation because she left and took us?"

"I don't know."

"Okay.  Well, please call me," he said, writing down his phone number.  "When you do get them."  He handed it over with a grin.  "I'll go bug Paula so she can nag people."

"That'll work.  I hope to have it cleared up soon."

"I hope so too.  Property taxes are due next month."  She smiled and he left, going to talk to Paula, who was already on the phone telling someone she was going to sue them.  "I can ask for a favor and get them harassed by a demon," he offered from her doorway.  "And you still need more windows.  Want me to pull some work in here?"

She stared at him.  "They're still behind the scaffolding, Xander.  And no, having them eaten wouldn't get checks any faster."

"Okay."  He went to check out the scaffolding and fix things for her.  Clearly someone was playing nasty games with them and he was tired of it.  He saw the office cleaner and cleared his throat.  "If someone on this side is trying her, tell them I'm a bit upset," he said quietly, getting a quick nod from the half-demon.  "And she told me to quit writing hunters novels so the rest will be going up online somewhere.  I send them to Sam, Sam puts them on a prophecy site with his."

"I can pass that on, knight."  He walked off to call someone to tell them the knight was very displeased and was going to kill demons who were upsetting his paying person.   She nagged him too much to be his girlfriend and they didn't understand the sort of relationship those two had.

Xander got back to painting.  It clearly needed it.  White was boring.

"Xander, they stopped because they were supposed to be painting it white," she called.

"White's boring, Paula.  It'll make it seem like a high school too."  He went back to painting.  "Beyond that, this is a base coat primer, not the paint."

"Oh.  Okay then."  She let him do that while she went back to 'working out the transition problems' they were having with the old publishing house.  Not like he'd go back to them since they were that petty.  Neither would Rick probably.  She finally hung up with a huff.

"Rick has a lot of people he can give you the name of," he called.  She called him to talk to him.  Xander got the rest of the wall covered and moved to the paint.  White was really boring but if that's what she wanted.....  Well, he was her minion in writing so he guessed he could temporarily do minion duty here too.

***

The minions showed up together for Xander a few days after he had finished painting Paula's office.  "Beckett keeps saying 'nineteen foot snake demon' over and over," Detective Ryan said.

"The last time I saw a snake demon we had to blow the damn thing up," he muttered as he got up and grabbed a few things.  He changed out of pajama pants too.  He petted each of the cats, having to hunt one down to the bathroom where she was drinking out of the toilet, and then headed out with them.  They sped to where reports were saying it was.  Xander stared.  "Yeah, we'll have to blow that sucker up.  Pick me a building, guys, and a bomb?"  He headed over there.  "Hey, snakey!" he shouted, nicking his arm.  "Come and get it.  Hellmouth baby blood right here!"

The demon sniffed and moved toward him looking pleased.  Xander ran, leading it toward where the officers had cleared an old building.  The officers scattered when they saw it.  Xander drew its attention from them and dove aside as it dove for him.  He caught the piece of artillery and shot it at the neck area, making a huge dent.  The demon screamed inside the building.  Xander accepted the sword from someone and moved to cut off the trapped head.  It had busted through the stairs and was trapped in the hole for the moment.

He got more of it cut off but the thing pulled free and screamed, diving down to hit him again.  Xander threw a grenade in the mouth then dove out of the way.  More damage.  "Damn it!" he shouted.  "Why can't we do another school implosion?"  He got something from Beckett's car since she was driving up.  He shot it at the head and the nose disintegrated.  Then he finished off the beheading.  It took him an hour and his shoulders ached like hell, but it was done.  He panted, staring at it.  "So much easier just to behead it by blowing it up."  A few officers whimpered.  He looked at one.  "It was."

"It was bigger by the reports too," Castle said, looking at it.  "How do we make sure it's dead, Xander?"

"We blew up the last one," he said bluntly.   "We can do the Dean and Sam method and set it on fire."  He shrugged then winced and rubbed his shoulder.  "The fire department guys are really nice, even if they are mildly insane to walk into a building with an explosive tank on their backs.  I respect their version of crazy for it."  A few more cops laughed.  He bent down to stretch, then up.  "Ow."  He rubbed that same shoulder.  "Beckett?"

"No clue, Xander."  She called the captain over that.  "Captain Turner said to burn the sucker if we can find out who it was."

Xander looked at her.  Then up.  Then back at her.  "If it was a turned one, we would've had to have an eclipse recently."  She gaped.  "That's the rite.  As far as I know.  You can call Wes."

Rick walked off doing that because that carcass stunk.  "Wesley, Rick Castle.  I'm asking a question for Xander.  Yes, about the giant snake demon that's on tv."  He pointed up and Beckett called dispatch to have them move the news choppers.  "Could it be from another source that didn't take an eclipse?"  He listened.  "Really," he said, looking around.  "Thank you."  He hung up.  "Xander, you're right.  He said look for the portal."

"People, we have a portal somewhere on this snake's backtrail," Esposito ordered.  "Find it, call it in so we can kill it before another one comes through."  They called that in to their units and jogged the path of destruction.  "Kid, you good?" he asked more calmly.

"Shoulder's wrenched.  We can blow up most portals as far as I know."  He frowned at Faith when she and Tara walked up together.  "You're late?"

"I was in New Jersey," Faith said dryly.

"Why?"

"Clan of apocalypse demons."

He nodded.  "It's not a grad redo.  We have a portal somewhere."

"We need artillery," Faith reminded him.  They both looked at Beckett.

"We have more coming, kids."  They nodded and followed the destruction trail.  Tara did a healing spell on Xander's shoulder.  They heard the call in that they had found it.

Xander looked at the building then at the officers.  "Tell me they cleaned it?" he begged quietly.

"It's break, kid.  No kids inside."

"Thank God."  He looked up and said a prayer then at him.  "Teachers?"

"Two, and some support people.  All huddled in the gym.  They've got a few others in there."

Xander looked at Faith.  Who shrugged.  "Define others?" Faith asked.  They showed her the camera feeds they were hacking into.  "Shit," she muttered.  "I need new panties."

Xander nodded.  "Yup, feel about the same."  They looked at Tara, who was giving it a heartbroken look.  He looked at the officer.  "Clear the people."

"We can't get to them, Harris."

"Okay, have someone follow us in while we get them out.  Then the building goes.  It's the best and fastest way because that's showing something bigger trying to come through the portal."

"They'd have to repair it anyway," Tara agreed.  "I can't bring that down without help."

"Detective Ryan, get Father Morgan?  It's going to need blessed," Faith called.

"Already called him, Faith."

Xander looked at the floor plans, marking dots.  "Explosives here, guys.  And the hugest thing you can find here."  They gave him an odd look.  "Beckett, I need the bomb supply."

"Taylor's bringing it, Xander.  He's got them armed and ready."

"Good."  He and Faith grabbed some weapons.  "Tara, stay.  Help them when they get out.  Give us some covering fog or something?"  She nodded.  "They're scent hunters but if they spot us moving they'll still come."  That got a nod and everyone geared up in body armor.  SWAT showed up.  Xander told them where to put the bombs, getting nods.  The duo went in with officers and SWAT behind them.  A few smaller, fast five-foot, chicken-looking demons ran at them and they fired on them.  Tara moved one to a back hallway for the scavengers to be drawn by the blood.  They snuck up the halls, finding the main problem was three demons trying to get into the room.  They fired on them and killed two.  Xander handed Faith his axe, letting her get the other one.   More were coming and SWAT got them into the locked gym.

"I thought all gyms had emergency exits like Sunnydale's," Faith quipped.

"Building's too old for that," one of the people in there said.  "Who're you?"

"New York's slayer."  She looked then pointed.  "Window.  Break it, X."  He did that and they got the people evacuated through it.  They went last and signaled Tara that they were clear.  The building blew up a minute later and it was loud.  They got pelted with demon parts and stones.  The portal was still standing so Xander and Mac Taylor fired off enhanced rockets into it.  It shattered and they could hear screams on the other side.  Tara moved to take down any remaining magic and it was done.  Faith looked around.  "Can those occur naturally?" she asked.

Tara shook her head.  "Coven of teenage girls.  I felt five young female signatures."

"Great," Xander said dryly, leaning on his tube.  "Just what the city needs.  Teenagers with magic and jealousy issues.  It'll be like _the Craft_ only it'll eat people."  He let one of the guys take the tube from him.  He looked at the mess, then at Beckett and Turner.  "Fire department?"

"Got the other one, is coming here with HAZMAT to clean up the parts here, kids," Turner said.

Faith grinned.  "That's what I like about you guys.  You don't make us clean up the demon remains."

"Hell, Buffy just walks over them," Xander said dryly.  "LAPD really hates it when she's got to do a lot of slaying."

"Yeah, me too."  She surrendered her weapons, handing Xander back his axe.

"Sir, we need to confiscate that," an officer said, pointing at the axe.

"It's my baby," Xander told him.  "Touch my axe, watch me break your arm."  The officer nodded and walked off at that.  He looked at Faith.  "I was actually watching tv, not writing."

"I'm surprised.  No muses?"

He shrugged.  "Not today.  I guess I know why."  She nodded at that.

Beckett got them into the car.  "Let's let the ER check you two out for injuries.  Tara?"

"I'm fine," she assured her.  She lit the remains on fire and they burned themselves out.  "So much faster."  She walked off.  "I'm due in the restricted room today."  She smiled at an officer in her way.  "Excuse me."

"Miss, I can drive you wherever."

"I work at the library across town."

"That's fine.  It stinks here thanks to the parts."  She smiled and let him drive her there.

Beckett shook her head.  "Guys, go clean up," she told her minions.  "Castle, you too."

"I'm going to take a shower," he said.  "Change clothes, then go pray."  He walked off.

Detective Ryan looked at the waiting priest.  "Thanks, Father."

"I'll bless it to make sure it can't come back.  You might check Harris' leg, he's trying hard not to limp.  I know he's the sort of boy to not let you know."

"We can tell the docs that," Esposito promised, texting that to Beckett.  They went to get their own showers and then do paperwork.  They were sure they had some somewhere waiting on them.

Taylor looked at SWAT.  "I guess we can fade too."

"Hopefully.  Is there paperwork for this?"

"Ask Turner.  He's in charge of that."  That got a nod and they left to go calm down, clean up, and check their gear.  Mac went back to the lab too.  He needed his own shower.  He had...stuff in his hair.

Father Morgan shook his head, but smiled.  "It's better anyway."  He started on the outskirts of the area, blessing the area fully before going back to his church to pray.

***

Xander walked into the station, handing Beckett his phone.  "Here, Buffy wants to talk to you about the demon snake."  He walked off.

She put the phone against her ear.  "Yes, Miss Summers?  We did call him to handle that.  Because we knew he could, or if he couldn't he'd tell us.  No, Faith was in New Jersey with some apocalypse demons."  She listened to the nagging and bitching.  She finally snorted.  "I'm very well aware of what Xander can and can't do, Miss Summers, and normal is like every other NYPD officer.  All of us there did our parts and if we knew how to wield an axe or a sword we probably would've helped with the first one."  She hung up and put the phone down on her desk.  She noticed the text message from Paula.  She wrote back she had his phone to save him from nagging.  Paula made sure he was all right.  Beckett answered and she said she'd let him calm down.  Beckett got back to her scene report.

"If my girlfriend ever turned into that sort of nagging girl, I'd probably walk away too," Kevin Ryan admitted from his desk.

"We'd save you, bro," his partner assured him.  "There's no way we'd let you go down to nagging like that."

"She told me he was *normal* like it was some disease," Beckett said, looking over at them.

"Yeah, he said they had that problem before," Ryan quipped.  "Often according to Tara."

"I'm glad I grew up with sense and strength."  She got back to work.

"Xander said she was the airhead cheerleader before," Esposito said with a smirk.  "I can't imagine you as one of those, Beckett."

She snorted.  "No, I wasn't a cheerleader by any means."  She shook her head.  Castle came in.  "Finally finished?"

"Yup.  My mother nagged me that I wasn't Xander."  He sat down.  "Do I have a report?"  She handed over the papers.  He spotted the phone.  "Nagging?"

"Buffy."

"Figures."  He got to work.  "Where is he?"

"Walked off after handing me the phone."

"Calming down.  Probably in a club somewhere," Esposito said.

"I don't think there's many of his sort left in town," Rick said dryly.

"There's always mafia sorts and gang members," Ryan quipped.

"Don't wish them on him," Esposito complained.

"If he could draw nice guys....."

"Good point."

"Twin, nineteen-year-old Irish assassins in to deal with someone," Beckett read the newest text message to Xander's phone.  "I'm guessing we're bugged again?"  The guys all nodded and pointed at it.  She got up to stomp on it.  Didn't destroy it.  So she took it to the women's bathroom and put it into the tampon drop box.  Then she washed her hands and went back to her desk.

Esposito answered his phone an hour later.  "Yeah, Esposito?"  He listened.  "We were wondering where he ended up.  Thanks, Mikey."  He hung up.  "He's at Gregorio's."

"Tamalat's place?" Beckett asked with a grimace.  "Why?"

"Lunch."  She snorted.  "And picked up two daughters who wanted to flatter him about his books.  The owner nicely had someone I know call to come get him off his daughters.  He said they're too young to be evil."  He grabbed his jacket and headed out.  When he got there, Xander was chatting over the newest fantasy novel coming out.  He tapped him on the head.  "You have a report on what happened earlier we need you to do, Xander."

"Coming."  He grinned.  "It was nice talking to you, ladies.  Have a good day."  He grinned and put down money for his lunch and tip, heading out with him.  Once they were in the car he looked at him.  "We were only talking about books."

"Their daddy thought they might turn evil to have you."  He drove off.

"Actually they're part of the John Sheppard fanclub so they want to join him."  Detective Esposito shook his head.  "I really have to do paperwork?  Because if that keeps up, I'll let you guys do it more often."

"No thanks."  He brought him back to the station, handing him to Beckett.  "They were Sheppard enthusiasts and wanted to join him and talk about fantasy novels."  He got back to his forms.

She pointed at an empty chair.  "We're saving you from finding the twin assassins," she told him.

"They were very nice and pretty.  They were at the club last night."  He grinned.  "They're a bit sore this morning from all the sex."  They all stared at him.  "What?  They were pretty nice girls who only wanted some fun.  Apparently others had told them about me."  He shrugged.  "I should thank whoever is spreading rumors of my prowess."

"I'm so using your rep to write a book about who ends up killing you for sleeping with them," Castle muttered, taking down ideas.  Xander got up to give him a hug.  "Thanks, kid."

"Just don't make it prophetic.  Buffy would be really mad if it wasn't a demon."  He sat down and got handed a form.  "Must I?  Really?"

"Yup," Beckett said.

"If I have to do this every time, I'll quit saving people."

"No you won't.  You'd hate to see people die while you sat on your butt watching ET," Castle said.

"Good point."  He filled out the short form.  It was nicely short.  "Don't Faith and Tara have to do this too?"

"We faxed one to Tara," Ryan said with a grin.

"Faith filled one out in the ER but it wasn't a good one," Beckett told him.  He pouted but filled it out.  She tossed him his phone.  "Paula wanted to make sure your hands are all right."

"Just that wrenched shoulder."

"And the cut on your leg from the thing's fin," she reminded him.  "It took stitches, you can't forget that."

"Yes I can.  I ignore injuries all the time."  He paused.  "The school's going to try to sue me, aren't they?"

"No but they're going to guilt trip you into donating to the rebuilding fund," Rick said with a grin.

"Captain Turner brought the footage from inside the school to the mayor, our commissioner, and the head of the school boards," Beckett said.  "They don't blame you at all and they were thinking about closing that one to save money."  She looked over.  "Half of the earlier fight is on the news."

"I'm guessing that's what made Buffy call to nag," he said dryly.

"No, she said someone out here called her."

"Got to stop that nagging pipeline then."  He looked at his phone when it rang.  "Hi, Dean.  No, we're all fine.  Wrenched shoulder, few stitches on my leg from that fin.  I'm fine."  He sighed.  "Dean, you're nagging like you're my boyfriend, you know that right?"  Esposito snickered, shaking his head.  "Yes you are, Dean.  At least Buffy waited ten minutes to start on the 'you're normal, you can't do that' nagging.  Dean, with the way you're nagging, apparently I'm missing out on some fun.  So are you close to New York?" he grinned.  "Precinct doing paperwork.  Sure, if you're close, pick me up some milk and I'll pay you back later.  Thanks, man."  He hung up because Sam stole the phone to nag.  The text message of 'he'll get you later and you made him huff and pout' didn't please him.

"Dean's pretty enough to escort you places," Rick quipped.

"So's Sam," Xander said.  "Dean likes breasts way too much.  He made sure I knew that."  He handed over the phone and left to go hide at home.

"I think I used to be more sane before I knew about demons," Esposito told Beckett.

She nodded.  "Me too."  They shared a smirk and got back to work.  Castle was still working on his series of 'who kills Xander' ideas.  Beckett's phone rang and she looked at it, swatting Rick.  "Frederick said not to include him."  She showed him the message.

Rick took it to text something back.  Then he handed it back and settled in to work on ideas.  It could be a whole series interviewing all of his dates and what they had done.  He hoped it wasn't prophetic, but Xander was more likely to die by demon than bad girl or bad boy.

***

Paula looked up a few weeks later, accepting the book from Rick.  "Did Xander's muses bite you?"

"Yes.  That promised series on who kills Xander."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Not proofread at all."

She read through the first chapter.  "Nikki Heat finding out who killed my other author."  She kept going, kicking back to keep reading.  He laid out well why there were multiple books in this side-series.  "Has he actually dated spies?" she muttered.  She started to make notes.  She also called Xander when she got to one part.  "If Dean or Sam are going to the movie premiere with you, get them dressed."  She hung up and kept reading, making notes about what needed to be switched around.

Not bad for a first draft though.

***

Xander hung up and glared at the phone then at the brotherly pair of hunters on his couch.  "Paula said if one of you is going to the movie premiere with me tomorrow, I have to pretend to be Buffy and make you shop."

"Don't need that sort of attention, thanks," Dean quipped with an evil smirk for him.

"It would make a statement that some hunters like the series, which we do," Sam said.

"You go ahead, bitch, and get a haircut too before Dad nags."

Sam rolled his eyes.  "I'm fine, Dean."

Xander snickered.  "I'm going to go hide from the phone in a sauna."  He went in there and stripped down to just a towel.  It was warm and wet by the time Dean joined him.  He pointed.  "A bench all to yourself even."

"This is really cool."

"This is for when I need to lose five pounds of water weight to fit into interview clothes or when I'm really chilled in the winter."

"Five whole pounds?" Dean joked.

"The pants are a bit tight.  They wanted them tighter.   Apparently I don't look as respectable in baggy pants."

Dean snorted.  "That figures."  He got comfortable.  "You know, if you and Sammy wanted to start something....."

"Sam's not ready to settle down in my version of normal.  He wants the kids, the wife, the house, the tire swing in the backyard, that stuff.  My insane life isn't filled with tire swings and kids who make you fathers day cards."

"True."  He stared at him.  "If I liked dick," he said dryly.  Xander smirked at him.  "What did happen that night Rosenburg pulled him?"

"She encouraged us all to get drunk.  Apparently we had a hell of an orgy."  Dean shivered.  "Sam and I both went to visit my doc the next morning because I knew I didn't use a condom.  I was sticky."  Dean shuddered.  "Yup, exactly."  He put his feet up.  "Considering we couldn't find the bottle the next morning to see what we had drank, I'm not sure what it was."

"Someone really should paddle her."

"She sent Paula a written apology.  She said she thought it'd make one of them want to stay with me."

"Pill packs?" Dean asked, sounding hopeful.

"Even the guys took one, just in case she got a big idea.  Though, I did ask Daniel to paddle her this time."  Dean grinned.  "I think Sam and I are the only two that didn't get pills."

"I'll make sure Sammy isn't pregnant, Xander.  If so, any idea if it's yours?"

"Maybe.  Maybe not.  I don't remember a damn thing after the first few drinks and some cuddling."

"Shit."

"Yup."  He grinned.  "But Beckett arrested everyone else to get them out of the city."

Sam leaned in.  "Don Epps in LA wanted to know if others could put up that sort of portal and how easy it is?"

"I'm not Wesley, ask him?  Or Tara?"

"Wesley's got a migraine after being hit on the head last night."

"Was it Toth?" Xander quipped.

Sam stared at him.  "What's a Toth?"

"It's a demon that split me in two for a bit," he quipped with a smirk.

Sam asked that.  "Epps said no.  Buffy asked that too but it was a goblin with a troll hammer."

Xander nodded.  "They're under Sacramento.  Tara said the portal was five teenage girls doing a _Craft_ remake."

"Okay."  He grinned and told him that on the way back to the living room.

"Sammy?" Dean called.  He came back.  "Did you take a pill pack after that drinking bout since it was Rosenburg's idea?"

Sam blinked a few times.  "Can she do that?"  Xander nodded.  "Huh.  No, I didn't think I needed to.  Let me go pee on a stick."  He went to buy one and came back to use it.   He sent up a loud prayer of thanks that it was negative.

Dean grinned.  "Missed that one.  Have you done that yet?"

"Nope, I didn't get any up the ass.  Apparently I topped."  Dean gaped.  Xander shrugged.  "You can always tell the next morning even if they're built like a toothpick, Dean."

"I don't need to know about ass sex, Xander."

"Fine."  He shifted again, letting himself drift off in his thoughts or maybe nap.  He was protected with the guys there.

Dean smirked at the first snore, getting out to go shower and change back into real clothes.  He cornered Sam in the hallway, staring at him.  "Most homes don't have tire swings these days.  You recycle them."   Sam looked confused.  "And I doubt you'd do the whole 'dad' thing, Sammy."

"Xander's...  I'd get drawn back into it, like he has," he said quietly, glancing at the stairs.

Dean nodded.  "Neither one of us is ever going to fully retire because things come for Winchesters."  Sam slumped but nodded he knew that.  "So why not?"

"I'm not sure I can take the whole 'guy' thing forever.   Now and then, some stress relief, some playing around, but I'm not sure if I can handle it for good.  But you and Xander would work well together."

"His muses would drive me nuts.  So would having to get a normal life."

"You could teach hunters," Sam said with a grin.  "Dad's gotten a few requests for that.   That's why he changed his number and no one has it."

"Yeah, maybe when I'm limping."  Sam nodded.  "You sure?"  Sam nodded.  "He's lonely right now."

"I can gladly play, Dean, but I can't get his hopes up."

"He said he knew you wanted that normal family stuff."

"Then maybe I'll go to the opening with him.  I wanted to watch the movie anyway."  He smirked.  "You can come.  That way it doesn't look like a date."

"Maybe."  He shrugged.  "It means we'd have to dress up."

"Xander's wearing dress pants and a nice shirt."

"I guess we can do that somehow."  Someone knocked and they looked at the doorway.  One of the kittens was sniffing.  "Who is it?" Dean called.  They went to let Tara's girlfriend Beth in.  "He's in the sauna losing some water weight."

She smiled.  "Paula said to get you two pretty and to get Sam a haircut."  She petted the kitten batting at her.  It ran off.  "Get dressed, guys."  They sighed but nodded, heading out with her and Xander's credit card.   By the time they got back, Xander was napping nakedly on the couch.  She blushed and handed them the bags, then fled.  She fled all the way to her girlfriend.  "I'm done with Paula's orders."  She was still blushing.  "Xander's not all that tiny of a guy."

Tara hugged her.  "I caught him too.  Even if I liked boy parts, I'd be scared his were too big."  They giggled and Tara went back to shelving while Beth waited for her to get off work.  "What did Paula want?"

"Dean and Sam dressed for the opening."

"I hope he has enough tickets."  She called Paula to ask.  She and Tara were going too.  Paula promised she had gotten them extra for the two hunters.  It was good publicity and Xander needed it to make a lot of money so more books became movies.

***

Xander got out of the car, holding the door for Tara and Beth to get out of the back.  Dean and Sam pulled up as well.  The guards stared at them and Xander held up his tickets.  They showed him where to go.  He looked at the girls, then at Dean and Sam, who were right behind them.  "If they ask, what's his name?" he hissed to Beth as they walked.

"Hernando Rivi-esa," she pronounced for him.  He nodded.  "I think they only ask girls that, Xander."

"Maybe."  He smiled at the reporters.  "Ladies."  They giggled and waved him over.  He waved at a few squealing fans with a happy grin.  He grinned at the reporters again.

"How are you feeling?  This is your first movie," one asked.

"I'm *so* nervous.  Tara had to make me eat.  Dean had to nag.  It was bad and tense all day."  He grinned.  "But now it's time and I can't be nervous since I'm here with you two."

They smiled.  "Good job.  I hear it's a great movie, Alexian."

"Thanks.  Others here?" he asked quietly.  They pointed them out for him.  "Why is E! News here?"

"It's got some big budget actors," one told him with a pat.  "You're too skinny."

"I'm not.  I had to sweat off some water weight to get into the pants."  They giggled and he walked his posse up the red carpet.  He signed an autograph for someone waving a poster.  Another one on a book and a second book, then they were at the E! News station.  "Hi."  He grinned.  He had checked his teeth three times on the way over.  It's why Tara had driven them.

"Alexian, I heard the movie's very good," the reporter said, smiling at him.

He beamed back.  "The writer they picked did a good job with the script.  The actors did it good justice.  I'm very happy with the things I've seen of it.  Tonight I'll see it for the first time in the full cut."

She smiled.  "Any other books being looked at?"

"I don't know.  They have the option to make the next few into a sequel but I haven't heard anything."  He shrugged but grinned.  "If so I'd like to see some of the fantasy stuff made.  I know they can't do Tral with the dwarf jokes but some of the other stuff looks like it'd be fun.  But I'm not the pushy sort."

"I know.  You're a good boy."

He smirked and winked.  "Sometimes."

She laughed.  "Who did you bring?"

"This is Tara, who kept me eating for years.  And her girlfriend Beth."  He touched her on the shoulder.  "And these are two friends just in for the week, Dean and Sam Winchester."

"Hi," Dean said with a smile and a nod.

She looked.  "You're hunters."

"We are," Sam agreed with a grin.  "Hopefully nothing here is that bad tonight."

She laughed.  "Some wicked but not evil, boys.  Do you like the series?"

"I do like the series," Sam said with a goofy grin.  "I've read all but I think three of them.  Dean tossed one out on me because I fell asleep and threw my book at him when he tried to wake me up a few months back."  She went 'aww' and Xander playfully swatted Dean on the arm.

"It nearly broke my nose because it's so thick," Dean said, swatting Xander back.  The reporters giggled and they moved on.  They ran into the back of Alexis Castle.

"My favorite research helper," Xander said, giving her a hug.

She smiled at him.  "It got me a lot of shoe shopping and it wasn't hard work."  She winked at her grandmother, who sighed and patted Xander on the cheek.

"Alexian, did you like what you've seen of the movie so far?" the reporter asked.

"I have.  I haven't seen the full thing yet but what I've seen showed that the writer was very faithful to the books and they did an amazing job turning it into a movie."  He smiled.

"This must be Tara," she said, pointing the microphone at her.  Tara smiled and waved a little wave.  "Now, he's said a lot that you're like his sister.  Are you two still living together?"  She saw the hand holding and grinned.  "I forgot he said you two were shy."

"Beth's a great young woman and she helps me tons whenever someone needs me to have someone do assistant type things," Xander quipped with a grin for her.

"Your other friends?" the reporter asked.

"Dean and Sam Winchester.  They were in the area and stopped in to play with the cats and use the pool."  He grinned.

"You're hunters," she said, smiling at them.  They smirked and nodded.  "Are you fans of the books?"

"Yup, I am," Sam said with a grin.  "I even quipped a part at a ghost we were taking down when it attacked the other day."  She giggled and let them move on to the next reporter.

Dean looked at Xander.  "I know you said they asked the same questions," he said quietly.  Xander nodded.  "At least there's only three."  Xander grinned at him.  Dean smirked back.  "More inside?"

"No.  The last of the reporters and she's a local tv station entertainment reporter."  He smiled at her.  "Hi."

"Mr. Harris.  Good work the other day."

"Thank you.  I'm glad we could save everyone."

"He so got nagged for that," Dean assured her.

"Awww, you're hunters."  They smiled and nodded.  "And I see Miss Maclay and her girlfriend showed up to support you tonight too."

"Tara was there when I wrote the first one," Xander said with a grin.  "She still calls to remind me to quit writing and eat sometimes."  The reporter laughed and nodded, letting them go on.  Xander glanced back at her, getting a smirk back.  He grinned back and signed another book.   They walked around Rick's family since he was signing more books.  Xander got yelled for and he came back to sign one, smiling at Rick's Mother.  "'Scuse me, Martha.  Have to sign a book."

She smiled and patted him on the arm, letting him do that.  Then they went inside.  Sam and Dean got popcorn.  Tara and Beth got one to share.  Xander got his own and paid, then they went inside.  They all picked the next to back row, on the same wall as the door.  It was a bit more protected in case of an attack.  They filed in with Dean and Sam around the ladies and Xander sitting in the second seat on the row.  That made them look like they took up more of it.  The theater wasn't packed.  Some of the actors.  The producers.  The director's family.  A few other notables.

***

Dean and Sam came out talking about it with Xander, who agreed they had done an excellent job.  Xander got a text from someone, grimacing at them for it.  Rick just smirked back.  "Fine," he mouthed.  He looked at them.  "After party?"  Dean and Sam shook their heads.  "I'm obligated."  Tara and Beth strolled off talking while Dean and Sam faded into the shadows.  Xander huffed but headed to the location.  He smiled at the producer.  "You guys did a great job.  Even Dean and Sam loved it."  They smiled at him.  He greeted those in the room he should and avoided the waiters with drinks.  He wanted something to drink to be polite, and as an excuse to get away from people he didn't like, but he didn't want to drink.  He walked up to the bar.  "Soda?  Without liquor?"  The guy gave him an odd look.  "Okay.  Something non-alcoholic?" he offered.

"Most of us who don't drink get something like the sparking grape juice.  It's not bad but it's still a good excuse maker."

Xander grinned at him.  "I loved your work in the last few and I'm glad Rick Castle suggested you for that part.  You did an amazing job."  The actor grinned and walked off.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  He looked at him.  "Don't become one of the young addicts, kid."

"I don't do anything like that and hardly ever drink.  Who said I am?"  He accepted his fizzy grape juice and walked over.  "Did someone say I am?"

"Yeah.  There was something said about an orgy...."

"No, that was a witch's fault.  She wanted me to pick one."  He smirked, sipping it.  "Not bad.  Thank you."  He walked over to talk to Paula.  "Who mistook Willow's compulsion to get drunk as me having a problem?"  She gaped.  He stared back.

"Oh, dear, I hadn't heard that."

He smirked.  "Can we go talk to someone together?"  She nodded and he walked her over to one of the reporters.  "Who said it?"

She blinked a few times.  "Said what, Mr. Harris?"

"That I have a drinking problem or whatever it was?"

"Um...  There was a raid on your apartment after an all night orgy with liquor and drugs from what we heard."

"No, we had a friend who happens to be a witch.  She decided that would give them a chance to decide to stay with me and date me.  That was her plan to get us together and make me happy."  She choked, shaking her head.  "Yeah.  I don't drink.  I've been drunk a grand total of eight times in my whole life, most of them after battles."

"You stripped."

"My car broke down in Oxnard and I needed to fix it and pay rent.  That was an easy job. I was on a post-grad roadtrip so I could learn about myself and the real world outside of Sunnydale."  She blanched.  He nodded.  "Even then I didn't drink.  Out of that eight, only one comes from there and most of the time I did virgin shots.  I had a few beers here and there but I didn't really drink all that often.  I'll admit I went to a few wild parties.  I was also eighteen at the time."

"Oh.  Um, that's ...not what was reported."

"Which bitch in my life was it?" he asked with a grin.

"Xander?" Paula asked.

"That's so a Buffy thing to do.  Or a Willow."

"Miss Rosenburg was very helpful with your past."

"Hmm."  He grimaced.  "Can I look that over for accuracy?"

"So you don't drink?" the reporter asked.

"Hardly ever.  I have two drunk parents.  Be damned if I want to end up like them."  He smiled sweetly.  "Especially since they're still both in jail."

"Ooh.  Um, maybe you should talk to some others?"  She led him over to let him talk to some other reporters.  Paula followed like the overprotective agent she was.  "People, apparently we got some things wrong."

"Facts would be nice," Xander agreed.  They stared.  He sighed.  "I don't drink, people.  How am I a lush?"

"That orgy...."

"Witch compelled orgy, thank you."  They gaped.  He nodded.  "It's situations like this that make me want to kill my friend who is a witch and not Tara."  He smiled.  "What else did the bitches tell you that was wrong?"

"You've used drugs?"

"I got into a few wild parties when I was on my roadtrip.  I've had some bad girls who kidnaped me who drugged me.  No, I don't use.  Not even to shut up the overactive muses."  Paula patted him on the back.  "She can tell you that.  She's my agent and publisher.  She groans over all my ex's."  He smiled.  "Any other allegations?"

"You're bi?"

"I've never hid that," Xander pointed out to that reporter.  "I've dated both men and women.  My two long term ones have been female but I'm not against a long term thing with a guy.  As long as they're good to me and treat me with respect.  And they put up with the cats and the muses."  He shrugged.  "The same things I'd want from any long term relationship."

"Are you a top or a bottom?" one quipped with a grin.

Xander looked at her.  "Date me and find out," he quipped with an evil smirk.  "Or aren't you bad girl enough?"  She shivered and shook her head, strolling off.  He looked at the others.  "Even if I was in a real relationship I wouldn't answer that one.  What else is being spread?  That way I can counteract the rumors and kick someone's ass over it."

"Quit swearing," Paula ordered.

"She deserves it."

"She does.  She sent a letter of apology about the compulsion that night," she told them.

"She needs to send another one," Xander quipped dryly.  "Tonight."  He sipped his fizzy grape juice.  "Before anyone asks, someone suggested the grape juice."

"We can tell by the color," one agreed.  "So you don't drink?"

"Outside of post-apocalypse ones?  One on the road trip?  No.  And frankly, eight times drunk in over ten years since I had my first beer doesn't make me a drunk.  I'm nothing like my family."

They shared a look.  "You need to do an interview," they decided.

"With?" Paula asked.

"I'll gladly go on wherever and talk to whoever," Xander said with a smirk.  "Because I don't like these rumors.  Really."

"We can get you on one tomorrow and you need to do Extra or ET," one said.  "They're the main rumor people."

"Sure," Xander agreed, looking at Paula.  "And we can do E! if you want."  She nodded, calling people to set it up.  "Please spout back and if more like this come out, let me know, ladies?  I'll be damned if I want to look like a starlette."  They grinned.  "Really."  They nodded.  He walked off, going to slip out the side door.  He had a headache.  He got home and tossed Sam his phone.  "Would you please inform Willow about how I'm going to sue her ass for telling people I'm a druggie and a drunk?  Before I kill the bitch?"  He headed up to the pool to strip down and do a lot of laps to calm down.

"Sure," Sam agreed, calling out there.  "Buffy, hi, Sam.  Is Willow there?  You might want to get her and Daniel and put this call on speaker."  She did that.  "Great, thanks.  Guys, Xander's going to sue you for everything you've ever thought about owning.  He heard about those rumors.  He's presently so pissed he's not able to talk and is in the pool working it off.  Yes, Willow, that's why I told you to include Daniel.  So he knows you're going to be poor as hell forever and ever.

"Yeah, but he's not.  And he's very upset.  That apology letter?  Not nearly enough from what we've seen on the various news things."  He smirked at Dean.  "No, Dean's cleaning his shotgun and checking bullets muttering about which type you use for witches."  They hung up on Willow sobbing.  "She's crying."

"She'll be crying like hell when Dad gets her.  Dad heard and I told him that Xander's not like that.  So did Tara.  So did Joyce actually and asked him to come straighten her out again."  Sam and he shared a smirk.  "Joyce has tried to stop some of it."

"Xander's going to be doing interviews for years about this."

Dean nodded.  "Probably.  Think he's calmer?"

"No.  Not for days."

***

Xander sat down where pointed to, letting them adjust his microphone for him.  "Good?" he asked quietly, getting a nod.  He looked at the men there.  And then the screen.  "Figures."  He held up the letter.

"That's not coming through, Alexian."  Xander put it down and stabbed it, and they heard a scream from somewhere.   He held it back up again.  "Oh, dear."

"Yeah, it wasn't me."

The reporter smiled.  "Thank you for coming on to clear up these rumors, Alexian.  What did you bring?"

"I brought the letter from the witch apologizing for compelling us that night that got reported so heavily."  He let her have it.  "And my last few tests, and reports from the cases of where I dated someone who kidnaped me and drugged me.  Which is the only time I've used drugs outside three very wild parties when I was eighteen."  He handed it over with a smile.  "Doctor Drew, can you see those?"

"I can."  He blinked at him.  "It's normal to be upset, especially with your past."

"You know, if I wanted to be like them, I could easily be.  It's not like there's not a lot of alcohol abuse among the hunting community.  Let's face it, when your job is to end evil things that kill people, some who used to be human, it's not unreasonable.  Unreasonable is my friends doing this."

"Are you going to sue them?" the reporter asked.

"Yes.  I'm presently fighting with myself about that but I'm leaning toward yes.  I'm also leaning toward a physical butt kicking of the ages.  Because not the first time they've tried to screw up my life on purpose."  He smiled sweetly.

"Why did this one kidnap you?" Doctor Drew asked.

"She wanted sex.  I only draw bad girls and boys."  He shrugged.  "It happens.  Agents on the darker side, assassins, weapons dealers, hunters."  He shrugged again.  "If I drew nice people, I'd date nicer people.  I don't.  Which is why those detectives broke up Willow's hint at 'date them' the next morning."  The shrink/addiction specialist gave him an odd look.  Xander nodded.  "That's in there too."  He found it and went pale when he read who was arrested.

Xander looked at the reporter again.  "I'm fairly realistic that I don't draw nice girls and guys.  I've never drawn nice girls and guys.  Hell, my first one date was a shape changer that wanted to eat virgins after they fertilized her eggs."  The reporter gaped in horror.  "Even with all that, I've been drunk a grand total of nine times.  I got corrected on the eight times.  Apparently I blocked out that court case start of an apocalypse when one of the detectives I know got me royally drunk so I didn't get into a fight to calm down."

"On the drug issue?"

"Few wild parties back when I was on that road trip."

"You stripped then," Doctor Drew said.

"Yes, my engine blew up.  I needed to make enough money to live on and fix the car."  The older man gave him a dirty look.  "Not like Hardees would do that," he said dryly.  "Beyond that, I was on a road trip to figure myself out, find out about real life, and all that good stuff you do on a post-graduation road trip.  Stripping seemed easy.  Actually, I started out doing dishes and ended up on the fill in spot one night.  I didn't stip more than ten times in that six months."

He shrugged.  "I was geekier, less muscled, and had less rhythm back then.  I sucked at the stripping part but my draw for serial killers worked in my favor."  He smiled at the reporter, who was looking stunned.  "Four of them now."  She shuddered.  "It happens when you're me.  Like I said, I'd date nice people if I drew nice people."

"I can see that point, Alexian.  Are you very upset?"

"I'm horribly upset.  Especially since no one said a word to me for over four months."  She flinched.  "No one asked me a question about it.  Not during one of the interviews I've done.  Not at the convention I was at last month.  As far as I'm concerned, some of you are just as guilty as the ones spreading lies."  He smiled.  "My agent wants me to calm down though."

"I can see that point, yes."  She cleared her throat.  "So, what are you doing now?"

"Proofreading.  Entertaining some friends who are in.  Playing with the cats.  I've been too upset to write for the last week.  There's something coming out soon but I think it was the Fairytale YA book."

"YA?"

"Young adult."

"Oh, part of that trilogy?"

"No, someone wanted me to do an updated fairytale."  He grinned.  "It came out okay.  The princess kicks butt.  The prince keeps going 'I didn't know girls were trained to do that' because he's from a fairly conservative kingdom.  She trained herself because she didn't want to be one of those weak, fainting types of princesses."

"You do write a lot of strong female characters," the doctor said with a smile.

Xander grinned.  "I know some very strong women.  Two of which can turn me into paste."

"The slayers you've worked with," he said.  Xander nodded.   "Are they healthy?"

"Sometimes.  Faith's a lot better now, more centered.  Buffy's one of the ones that sent in that crap info."  The doctor shuddered.  He smiled at her again.

"So you're going all right?"

"Right now I'm doing okay," he agreed.  "My wrists are feeling limp because they haven't had their usual workout from typing all day."

"Have you talked to someone about your hypergraphia?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, and they agreed that the muses were so hyper because guys like me don't get to be your age.  Like most writers do.  Unfortunately we're well aware that they're compressing things in case I die in the next apocalypse battle.  Faith even asked if they were a curse."

"There's ways to get that calmed down," he offered.

Xander shrugged.  "Nothing better to do right now.  It doesn't keep me from dating the bad boy and girl society members."  The reporter snickered.  "If I don't live to be seventy, I can't put out a book a year.  They're compressing it and when I get past that point, then we'll decide what I'm doing.  Who knows, I might go back to construction work."  He smiled at the reporter.  "You know, I came to you first because my friends think you're nicer."  She laughed and swatted him.  The producer called 'cut' and he gathered things.  "Thank you for straightening that out and next time, just ask when bullshit shows up about me.  I'll answer reasonable questions."  She nodded, shaking his hand and letting him go to his other interview.

"He's a very angry young man," Doctor Drew said.

The reporter looked at him.  "Wouldn't you be mad?  Especially since we all jumped without evidence?"  He nodded that was true.  "I'm hoping he doesn't sue us."

"That's a good point."  He sighed and signed off, going to do something calming in his facility's gardens.  Sure enough, his secretary had the summons waiting.  It was a huge amount too.

***

Xander showed back up at his apartment, finding John there and no boys.  "Did you eat them like Zeus?"

"No.  They're in New Jersey helping Faith finish off that apocalypse cult of demons, kid."

"Sure."  Xander petted the cats, making them all happy.  "Did the John babysit you?" he asked the meowing one with a grin.  "Want some nummies?"  He got them some treats and they were happier cats.  "Sam told you not to let them out when someone's not here, right?"

"I figured they couldn't wander outside at all."

"No, they can, but one tried to jump buildings and we don't want to take that chance."  He settled in.  "How did it look?"

"They edited it to make you look less pissed off," John said.  Xander grinned.  "There's not that much alcohol abuse."

"Yes there is.  Even you retreat to it instead of dealing with the reality for a while.  Even I do after battles."  John nodded that was true.  "Which is, by definition, abuse.  There's a whole lot that would crawl into a bottle if the world would let them."

"Good point I guess."  He stared at him.  "Are you dating my son?"

"Sam wants a whole lot of normal things with kids and family holiday dinners, John.  We occasionally play but he won't be serious with me.  I can't give him that."

"Not the son I was wondering about."

Xander stared at him.  "Dean keeps saying he likes breasts each time Sam suggests it," he said dryly.  Someone knocked and he looked.  "Open!"  They walked in and shut the door.  "Paula mad?" he asked Rick.

"Beckett's a bit pissed off since some reporter had someone break into their files to find your dating records."  Xander rolled his eyes.  "They're arrested though and the local reporters are amazed at how many we've arrested.  Beckett got mentioned by the mayor for doing so good watching who you date."

"Yay," Xander said blandly.  Rick patted him on the head.  "Paula's not mad?"

"She said it was a good job and she liked suing the ones who commented without information.  Loss of work she wasn't sure about."

"As soon as I heard I was so pissed off I couldn't work for weeks."

"I heard."  He patted him again.  "Alexis got an offer to date you by one of her classmates and the teacher immediately sent her to the school therapist."  John burst out cackling at that news.  "So maybe it'll calm down?"

"I'm hoping Willow doesn't try another attempt."

"You know, she hid that using Olivia," John said.  "Daniel called up asking why his daughter had a bleeding arm."

"I'd kill the bitch if she was mine," Xander said.  "That can kill Olivia."  Rick nodded but shrugged.  "Daniel's going to paddle her this time."

"Daniel moved out with the baby.  Had a few witches out there that Tara suggested guard the baby from her.  Called someone to come talk to her."  Xander beamed.  "He wanted to know if you still wanted to be her godmother."

"I can't hold Willow's magic addiction against her daughter.  Olivia's an innocent.  If I had known that I would've solved it some other way."  John and Rick both nodded.  He looked at Rick.  "We need a poker night because I need to finally relax."

"The guys aren't busy and were wondering when you were going to calm down.  Beckett changed the codes on your artillery supply."

Xander grinned.  "I need to hand some over too when they pay me."

"They did.  They paid her directly because they knew you were pissed off and taking out the LA team would cause problems," Rick said with a smirk.  "You got to keep three things."  Xander grinned at that.

"Is that why someone from the CIA and Homeland was up here?" John asked.  "I have no idea why they asked me to find a certain demon for them to question."

"Jorge gave them something nuclear?" Xander guessed.

"His sister gave you something chemical," Rick corrected.

"She hates me."

"Jorge is off-realm doing something," Rick said dryly.

"Oh, okay.  Probably handling things at an off-realm war."  He shifted.  One of the cats stared at him from the coffeetable.  "What?"  He patted his lap.  She hopped over and kneaded him.  "I love you too, princess kitten."  He petted her.  "Were you good for the kitty sitters?"

"They were fine, even if one does still like my son too much," John said.

Xander grinned.  "Could be all of them."

"If you want one of them, treat them well or I'll kick your ass," John said bluntly.

"I'm not mean to those who're mine, John.  I never have been.  Even when I kicked out Anya I didn't hit her.  I wanted to really bad."

"I know.  I would have," Rick admitted.  "And it's badly."  Xander gave him a confused look.  "Grammar."

"Okay.  I'll learn that now."  He grinned.  "Not like I did in school."  Rick patted him on the head.  "So, anyway, poker game?"

"I can go," John said.

"Why?" Rick asked.  "They'd probably ask you nosy questions about weapons and most of them would ask about ghosts.  They're all mystery or horror writers."

"Fine.  Xander, you need food."

Xander dug out his phone and found the delivering grocery store's number, putting in an order.   His card worked and it was good.   Rick got them over and it was nicer.  The cats came in to play with the writers, then went to bother Dean and Sam when they came in.  Sam ended up ordering them an extra pizza but it was a nice, calming game.  Which they all needed after the week they'd had.

The End.

Chapter 23: Filling In Another Hole

A transition to a new book signing tour, and the madness that corporate strangeness can bring to your life.

Xander looked at the letter he had just opened, looking very confused.  He showed it to the woman in front of him.  "I have no idea what that's about."

She read the letter, frowning at him.  "It's where you do dangerous things, Xander."  She handed it back.  "Go talk to them.  They might just raise your insurance premium."

"Is there an office in the city?"  He called information but she waved him off and got him the directions from her computer.  "Thanks, Paula.  I'm working on something new."

"Of course you are.  Is it something good?"

"Dean cackled so hard at it."  He grinned.  "And they're in it."  He followed the directions to the insurance company, frowning at the receptionist.  "I got a letter from you guys saying that you're canceling my health insurance?"  He showed her.

"Let me get you an agent to talk to, sir."  She called one for him.  He sat down to wait, rereading the letter.

Xander stood up when the agent came out.  "Hi.  I've been with you guys since I was fifteen."

"You paid premiums when you were fifteen?"

"Yeah.  The state health insurance wasn't accepted in town and I had allergies really badly that year."  He showed him the letter.  "I don't know why."

"Let's look your account up, sir."  He led him back to the office.  At least this one wasn't angry.  He found it.  "Very nice history," he assured him with a smile.  "Only late three times in ten years."  He kept going.  "Oh, I see.  It's got you listed as a high risk."

"Is that because of those false rumors that I drink a lot?  Because I don't.   They're all bs."

"No, I think it's more your other job, sir."  He smiled.  "It's listed you as a demon hunter and writer.  They're both higher risk categories.  One because of fans and threats, the other due to all the injuries."

Xander sighed.  "I guess I can understand hunting being one but writing?"

"Some of you do get death threats."

"Yeah, I've had a few contracts on my life, including by a church," he admitted.  He considered it.  "Can I just pay you more?  I like you guys.  You guys cover the necessary things, like my GP and the people who had to look over the infections in my blood."

"You have chronic illnesses?" the agent asked, opening up a new file.

"No, I fell into some burial remains and kinda got gifted with some blood spores at one time.  But that's all locked by Homeland Security."  The agent stared at him.  He shrugged.  "I can't say more than that."

"All right."  He added that to the file.  "Any usual health issues?"

"Now and then I have some allergies.  My GP is making sure that any future concussions don't bother me.  I'm mostly retired from hunting unless it's a huge emergency or an apocalypse battle.  Even normal people can get hurt by those."

"Yes, but they'd be hurt running away.  You'd be hurt running toward it."

"I guess, usually it's because I drew their attention the wrong way."

He nodded. "That's why hunting is such a high risk category."  He looked over the results he was getting.  "You're outside our highest risk category."  Xander whimpered.  "I see we have your premium for this month so we can cover you until the first."

"I just sent in next month's the other day.  How does this effect my life insurance policy with you guys?"

He looked and nodded.  "I see that's been put on hold too.  Apparently someone listed you as a suicide risk."

"No.  I don't usually think of that option," he said dryly.  He was still confused.  "Who does insurance in that risk category?"

"There's a few, they also usually do officers and fire department personnel."  Xander nodded once.  "Or military accounts."  Xander nodded again.  He went back to looking over everything in his file.  "It looks like they canceled yours at the end of the term, which is last month.  And we should have sent you a check."

"Not that I've seen."

He looked.  "No, I see it's pending."  He put a rush on it.  Then he smiled at the young man.  "There.  That'll be sent in the next week.  I wish you luck finding a good health insurance that covers what you need."

"Me too," Xander said, shaking his hand.  "Is there something I should tell the other agent?"

"Just tell them what you told me and they'll be able to craft the policy for you."

Xander nodded, leaving.  In the cab he called his doctor's office and pulled out a pen.  "Hi, I'm a patient and my insurance is being assholes so I'm switching.  Which ones do you guys take?"  He wrote that down.  "Any idea if they do high risk ones?"  He nodded once and crossed through a few of them and then added another one.  "Thanks."  He hung up and paid the cabbie when he got out.  He signed in and headed up to the detective's floor.  They were all tense.  He sat down beside Esposito's desk.  "Who does you guys' health insurance?  Mine decided I was too high risk because of the hunting and being a writer."

"Being a writer's high risk?" Beckett asked, looking at Castle.

"Death threats."  He considered it.  "Mine won't do very high risk, kid, or I'd offer them."

Xander nodded.  "He suggested I go to the company that does PD, FD, and military ones.  They canceled my life insurance too."

Esposito called someone.  "Dalia, Javier.  I have a friend looking for new insurance but he was told he was really high risk.  No, not prior health issues, job.  He's a writer and a demon hunter part time."  He listened, nodding.  "Yeah, him.  Seriously?  That's craploads higher than ours.  Huh.  Can you guys or who?"  He wrote down a website address for him.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "She said her company's probably very expensive for you but to try this site.  They can give you quotes.  When it asks if you're military, say yes."  Xander nodded, pulling out his phone to do that.  He smiled.  "Have you been dating?"

"No.  I've been writing myself being the great inheritor of the Lord of all Chocolate realm.  They want me to marry Dean and Sam, like half of everyone does."

They all stared at him.  "What?" Detective Ryan asked, looking confused.  Xander shrugged but was typing.  "That I want to see," he decided.

Rick texted Sam's phone.  They were still in the city.  They could email a copy of what Xander had.

"That's not nice," Xander said without looking.  "Leak a bit to the fan club too please.  Paula said my sales are down right now."

"Sure," Rick agreed.  Beckett's email beeped.  He checked and let them all read it.  Beckett burst out laughing.  Rick looked at Xander.  "Your muses are weird."

"Yes, they can be," he said dryly.  "You know, it's possible it's happening somewhere else."

"Don't tempt fate," Beckett ordered.  She actually smiled at their murder board.  That was seriously cute.

"Damn it," Xander muttered.  "They won't talk to me."

"Then there's the office of last resort," Beckett told him, writing down an address.  "Expensive but good coverage.  They cover nearly everything."

"Yeah but will my doc take them?" he said with a pout.  "I don't want to have to break in a new one.  It's bad enough she had to get permission from Homeland to tell the new doc in her practice and they said no."

Rick nodded.  "I would too.  Talk to them, get a quote.  Talk to Esposito's friend and get a quote.  Then decide."  Xander nodded, taking her name and address then the other one to go talk to.

"I'm so glad I can go through Blue Cross," Ryan said.

"Me too," Esposito agreed.

Beckett nodded.  "They don't do well on women's problems so I go through the other plan."  They grinned.  "They won't pay for birth control or anything.  Almost none of the female officers do."  They got back to work.

***

Xander came in that night, staring at Dean.  "The only way I can get insurance is if I marry and they have some.  Or if I pay about thirteen grand a year for it."  Dean winced.  "Mostly because I'm a writer."  He sat down to sulk.

John pulled out his insurance card to note the phone number, handing it to the kid.  "They cover most hunters."

Xander looked at it then at him.  "They won't cover me because writers get death threats.  If they ignore that that's my main source of income it becomes a fraudulent account."  John shuddered.  "So I get to decide between the really expensive one, quit writing, or marry someone and insure them so they can get me on as a spouse."

"Will they do that for gay unions?" John asked.  Xander nodded.  "All of them?"

"The main ones I like.  And that would get me back on my old one.  I asked them and he suggested that was an idea.  And my premium would go down about two hundred a year.  He asked if I had one."

"As long as you don't get sick, you can wait and see if you can find something more reasonable," Dean said.

Xander shook his head.  "I checked with everyone.  I used one of those online quote places that I called.  Not a damn thing."  Dean shuddered.  They needed their health insurance too often.  "If I was in college, my parents could put me on theirs," he quipped.  "Federal law says twenty-six."

"How good is the high priced one?" Sam asked.

"Crappy and my GP won't take it.  So I got to talk to a Homeland agent as well.  They didn't want her to tell her new partner about me.  His suggestion was the one that's thirteen grand a year."

Sam shook his head.  "If I had one I'd try to put you on it, Xander.  I'm using crappy cheap insurance."

Dean stared at him.  "We need to fix that, Sammy.  We get banged up too often for the cheap stuff."

John nodded.  "Definitely."  He went back to making dinner.  "I'm using that pork steak you had out, Xander."

"Thanks, John."  He petted the cats that came to bother him.  "Beckett liked the new part."

Dean grinned.  "So do I."  He settled in with the cat that thought he was her human.  She was never far from him whenever he was there.

Beth, Tara's girlfriend, walked off the elevator without knocking.  "Xander, we have a major problem."

"Of?" Dean asked.

"Oh, thank the Goddess.  They were going to steal you guys and make you stay around here for some reason.  Something about the higher ups wanted some happiness?"

Xander looked at her then up.  "If this is a plot to get me married, let me know please so we can protect them."  Nothing.  He looked at her.  She shrugged.  "Why bring them back here?"

"I don't know and she's trying to talk to them.  It's that same coven that you had to take down their accidental portal to a hell dimension."

John looked over.  "That's one reason why we all showed up, Beth."

"They decided this is cosmic balance to get away from the three fold rule.   I have no clue, John."

"We need anti compulsion wards," Sam said, looking some up.  He and Dean got up to draw around the doors and windows.  Xander put his usual anti-magic circle's lines back in place after he moved the throw rug over the majority of it.  Dean looked and nudged Sam, and they both walked over, letting Xander seal the last line.  John got the wards while the pork steak cooked.

Xander's phone rang and he looked at it, typing back a nice text to Rick that he couldn't join the poker game tonight, he was fighting off some teenage witches' desire for gay porn by marrying him off.  He got back a 'what' from Alexis and gave her better details.

***

Alexis read the text then texted to Tara.  Who told her it was a possible reason for them wanting to compel Dean and Sam to stay in the city with Xander.  "Hey, Dad, Xander's doing foolish romance novel stuff."  Rick shuddered.  So did the two guys already there for the game.  "Apparently those teen witches who said they accidentally set up that portal are now trying to compel Dean and Sam to stay in New York.  Xander said him and those two are in the middle of an anti-magic area to protect themselves from a marriage plot."

Rick considered that.  "Why those two?"

"Dark enough but still light?" she quipped.  "Know about the hunting stuff?"

Rick nodded once.  "Could be.  Is Tara there already?"

"Yup, she said she was trying to talk them out of it with Detective Ryan."  She grinned.  "Apparently they all think he's hot.  He called for backup to get the teen witch drool off him."

Rick dialed someone.  "Do you need me too?" he asked.  He listened, rubbing his forehead as he leaned back.  He took the glass of wine his daughter poured him with a nod, gulping half of it.  "Tell them they can't do that.  That puts them on Rosenburg's path and then tell them about Father Morgan?"  He nodded.  "Or call Beckett?"  He groaned and hung up.  "Tara's now trying to keep one of his boyfriends from beating the teen witches to death." She cackled.   He called Beckett, then hung up and texted her.  She was supposedly taking a long soak tonight.  Maybe even with bubbles and a good book.  She sent back a growl and she was already heading out to save them.  His question of 'need my help' got back a firm, capital letters, 'no'.  "Okay."  He finished his wine and got up to get more.  "Guys, want a beer?"  They nodded, accepting them.

"To things only Xander can get into," Stephen said, saluting them.  They clinked glasses and Alexis giggled, saluting them with her bottle of water then drinking.  "Who do you think will win?"

"I'm hoping Beckett gets there in time to save the witches from his ex," Rick said, texting that to Xander.  "And that Tara can paddle them all into better behavior."

"Clearly someone has uncool parents," Alexis teased.

"I wouldn't care if you took up the craft, Alexis.  I know you know what ethics are."  She laughed and nodded.  "If you want to, talk to Tara."  He rubbed his forehead again.  "Just don't get your grandmother into it.  She'd never believe until she cursed someone who got her part."

"She has a voodoo doll for that."

"Figures."  They got back to the poker game.

***

Xander called an ex.  "Which one of you is bothering the teen witches who like Dean and Sam?"  He listened.  "Thanks.  Yeah, bad idea syndrome all around tonight."  He hung up and looked.  "John, I need the black address book from my top right desk drawer please?"  John got it and flipped until Xander got the number he needed to dial.  He called him.  "If you kill them, Beckett will arrest you, Barry.  I know you're an agent.  Arrest them if you must, but don't kill them."  He listened.

"I know.  That's why we're sitting in the middle of a anti-magic ward."  He listened again and nodded.  "That's interesting.  They're both pretty straight though, Barry.  Yeah.  And if that was Willow that just appeared, since I heard the static from the flash, feel free to yell at her too for that drinking thing."  He hung up and held his head.  He called Paula to warn her.  "It's Xander.  You'll want to be sitting, have a drink in hand, and possibly some valiums."  He smirked at her quip.  "Because Tara is trying to talk the teenage witches into not marrying me to Dean or Sam tonight.  Yup, by compulsion and all that.  Blood binding and all, Paula."

He hummed.  "That's why I suggested the valium and the drink?  We're trying but I think Willow just showed up there.  Beckett sent a text saying she was going to back up the nice minions and Tara.  One of my ex's is there too but he's an agent.  Yeah, that's why I'm giving you warning."  He hung up when she started to rant, wincing.  "She clearly needs two valiums tonight."  He sighed.  "Sorry, guys.  They're saying it's karma repair for the portal."

"Blood bindings only work in certain rituals," Sam said.

"No, Sam, this would be the full blood and cord binding, then consummation event sort of thing.  They wanted the ideal neo-pagan, books-written-by-the-confused-witches-who-think-you-fly-on-the-broomstick-the-wrong-way, romantic wedding.  The only thing we're missing is the altar outside in the woods and ceremonial robes sort of one.  The romance novel for young, misguided witches one."  John shuddered.  "I take it you saw that?" Xander quipped with a grin.

"I saw some of those books and laughed a lot."

"I remember the witches that came out and said that you don't fly on broomsticks like they did in Harry Potter.  I figured that they're ruining their brooms's brush if they're doing it their way," Dean said.  Xander nodded.

"So, are we the handsome prince or you?" Sam asked to make Xander laugh.

Xander looked at him.  "I think we're joining two covens to them."  John snorted, shaking his head.  "Or at least two covens of hunters."

"Marrying the two systems so they can overlap?" Dean joked.  Xander nodded.  "Think they'll try again?"  Xander nodded again.  "Can they be stopped?"

"They're teenage girls with little sense," Xander said.  "That may depend on if Willow joins in or not."

John looked in his phone book.  "Father Morgan," he said as he walked off talking to him.  "John Winchester.  Actually, no, giving you a head's up.  Apparently the witches from that portal incident are presently trying a Rosenburg style trick to marry Xander Harris off to one of my boys.  Tara's presently trying to calm them down with detectives but we're not sure if it'll work.  They're protected," he assured him with a grin.  One of the cats was running down the stairs very wetly yowling.

"One of his kittens fell into the pool.  No, just a head's up in case something serious happens.  No, have dinner.   If they need you to help yell, I'm sure someone has your number, Father.  Yup, just in case.  Especially since Xander was on the phone with someone and thinks Rosenburg herself showed up.  No, that letter was her, Father.  And she hid it by using her daughter's gifts.  Exactly.  We're not sure but they're presently guarded.  Have a better night if you have to go yell."

He hung up.  "Go inside, cats."  Two more ran down.  He groaned, going to find the fourth one.  She was on the edge of the building staring at the power lines between them.  "Don't even think about it," he said, snatching her and carrying her inside.  "Xander, you need a fence.  She was thinking hard about strolling across the power lines."

"I've got one on backorder."  He took that cat too, making sure they were all inside the circle.  Dean was petting his.  Sam was petting the extra one and Xander had two in his lap.  The symbols around them lit up.  Xander blinked.  "Pretty light show."  The boys nodded.  John was growling at them and batted at one.  "Shit, one had a daddy kink," he muttered.  Dean and Sam both gave him a horrified look then looked at their obviously magiced father.  Dean texted Tara.

"Dad, you're under a spell," Sam called.  "Fight it really hard, Dad."  John was clearly trying.  "Dean, holy water?" he asked quietly.  Dean shook his head.  "Salt?"  Dean nodded.  "Dad, do a salt ring!"  John struggled but made it into the kitchen and poured some around himself.  He relaxed and did a better one.

"At least you're near the stove so you can turn it off before things burn," Dean quipped.

Xander snorted.  "This could take hours."  The lights got brighter and one tried to burn the floor.  Xander slapped at it.  Sam used the chalk he had been using earlier to redo the symbol.  Xander took it since it was singeing Sam's fingers.  Xander texted with his free hand.  Someone was going to get their foot up his ass.

***

Beckett looked at her phone.  "People, Xander said he didn't want to sleep with their father," she announced.  "And he'd rather become a demon consort than have someone tied to him unwillingly."

"Since he knows most of them in town, I'm sure he can," Esposito agreed.

"We'd never get him again, so therefore I'd get to kill you all," Barry said with a smile.  The witches gave him a dirty look.  Especially Willow.  "You're already on a hitlist, Rosenburg."

"It'll make him happy."

"Really?  Having someone who doesn't want to be his tied to him for his entire life will make him happy?  Especially since he's honorable enough to not play around for his needs, even if they wouldn't be able to touch him again?"  She gaped.  "And they're the same way.  They'd probably all die a lot sooner."  He crossed his arms over his chest, staring at her.  "You will be taken out soon.  I hope you have a will?"  She whimpered.  "I'd go hide somewhere *far* away from everyone Xander's ever dated, young lady."  She flashed out.  That killed the spell's power.  He glared at the other ones.  Four of the five were crying.  The other looked certain.  That one....  "Tara, is that one possessed?" he asked with a point.

She looked and nodded.  "It appears so," she agreed quietly.  "Huh.  So this was a plan to make them all miserable and quit hunting?  Because it certainly would've ended a few demons when they were mad."  She got her unpossessed.  "Why?"

"That would make the hunters easier to find," she sobbed.  "They want the Winchesters."

Beckett snorted.  "There's a website that tracks them so they can stare at the Winchesters' butts.  They don't need to be easier to find."  She handcuffed that one and the others.  She looked at Barry.  "Get out of my city.  Tonight."  He pouted but nodded, leaving.  She sighed.  "Someone call LA?"  Tara waved her phone.  "The office?"

"Joyce.  Buffy's mother."  She finished cleaning up after them and walked off chatting with Joyce about what had just happened.  Joyce may still be a bit ill but she was a mother and Willow clearly needed a mother's touch.

"Hopefully her mother has more sense than the daughter," Detective Ryan complained.

Beckett smiled.  "She does.  She called to check on Xander a few weeks back."  They grinned back.  "Castle's having a poker game.  I was reading in the tub."  They nodded and went to hand the witches to someone who could do paperwork tonight so they could go home too.  She got to go back to her bubble bath.  That was nice and maybe Xander could be less paranoid for a while.

***

Joyce walked into the Hyperion.  "Where is Willow, Gunn?"

He stared at her.  "Sobbing in her room.  Are you going to beat her for using Olivia?"

"She did what?  Apparently I missed something when I was in the hospital."  He explained things to her.  She nodded and went to find something in the armory.  It nicely had Dru's name on it.  It was four inches wide, two thick, and had a great handle.   She walked up to Willow's room.  "I don't believe in corporal punishment," she said as she walked in.  "For you I'm going to make an exception.  Gunn, come get Olivia?" she called.

"She's not supposed to be here," he said, coming in to grab the baby and walking off calling her daddy.  "Found your little girl."  Daniel asked what he was talking about and who he was.  "Joyce, she made Daniel forget them."  He winced at the scream of pain.  "Okay.  Well, Daniel, come to the Hyperion Hotel now.  As in right now, so we can fix that please."  He hung up.  "Wes?" he called, walking toward his office.  Wesley met him in the doorway.  "Daniel doesn't remember Olivia."

"Dear Christ," he muttered.  He flinched and looked up at the new scream.  "Buffy?"

"Joyce has Angel's paddle for Dru."

"I suppose she earned it this time."  He got what was needed and canceled the spells on Olivia.  Her daddy showed up a minute later and took her to cuddle.  "Let's get the coven locally to remove them all, Daniel.  That way you're both free."

He flinched at the new scream.  "Can't say she doesn't deserve it," he said, his accent coming out stronger.  Wesley drove them over.  The witches were most kind to Olivia and Daniel.  And sent a nice curse at Willow.  Daniel almost cursed her too but he didn't want to involve a wish demon in his relationship.  "Your ma will learn one day," he whispered in her ear.  "Then she'll straighten her ass out."  Olivia hugged him.  "I love you too, pumpkin."  The witches smiled and added some nice protections in henna on both of them.

***

Willow showed up at the local diocese house in New York, sniffling.  "Is Father Morgan here?" she asked the older nun who answered the door.  "I think I backslid."

She looked at her.  "He's up on the roof, child.  Use the fire escape."  She pointed.  Willow nodded, going to walk up it.  She closed the door and locked it.  She could feel something evil coming off that child.  She didn't want to make the Father work harder tonight.

Father Morgan looked up when he was joined by an evil feeling thing.  "Did you suck up a hellmouth, Rosenburg?"

She sat down.  "What?"

"You feel like an evil oil slick, child."  She stared.  He pointed at the plants around her.  She looked and whimpered, moving to fix the ones that were being killed.  "Let's fix this."  He dragged her to the fountain he had kept blessed.  He dunked her head in and let her scream into the water.  Clearly something was fouling her again.  If he had to beat it out of her, so be it.  That's why he was known as Black Morgan.  When she quit struggling he pulled her up to look at her.  "Well, you seem more pure."  She whined and dunked her own head.  Clearly it hurt less this time.  She didn't scream as much.  He'd let her do it as long as she was willing.  It'd save his energy to undo whatever she had done wrong.

***

Xander looked up from his 'hanging out in a coffee shop' time on his way to the park when Sam sat across from him.  "What's up, Sam?"

He handed over the message he had written down.  "Paula called and said that one left her the same message."

Xander read it and shrugged.  "Then he shouldn't comment on things without being asked or trash my rep for no reason on the rumors of something going on.  It's not exactly professional behavior."  He balled it up and tossed it into his empty cup, sipping from his new one.   "I'm not dismissing anything.  Paula knows I'm a vindictive asshole about those things."

"I agree, he shouldn't have," Sam said.  He grinned and pointed subtly.  "Reporter."

Xander shrugged.  "Okay."  He smirked.  "I'm going to the park then the bookstore."

"Dean said we have no more room in the car for fun reading books."

"Tara knows a nice used bookstore that you can exchange books for credit on new ones."

"I might go there."  He grinned.  "Are you going to be secure enough in the park?"

Xander looked at him.  "Why wouldn't I be?"

"There's a bad thing in today's paper saying you should be hunted down and expelled from the city to make sure what happened at the school doesn't happen again?"  He got up to get a copy of the paper and brought it back.  Xander read it and laughed.  "We're not worried?"

"She's a member of that church that put the hunt order on me for being a fantasy writer."  He handed it back.  "If they come up to me in the park, I can handle it until officers get there, Sam."

"I know but it looks bad and then Paula would chew on someone."

Xander smirked.  "If we go from here to hanging out in the park, there's going to be someone who says we're dating."

"Serious?" Sam asked, grimacing.

"Yeah."  He grinned.  "They do that, Sam."

"Good point but you're not a starlette that they usually like."

"Thank God, or I'd have to shop."  Sam burst out cackling, making some of them stare at them oddly.  Xander grinned.  "It was just a joke."  They went back to their own little things.  Xander smirked at Sam.  "So, anyway....  Did you read the battle scene in the chocolate lords one?  I screwed it up badly I think."

"I hadn't.  I can do that for you."   He grinned and left Xander alone.

Xander finished up and took his new coffee to the park.  On the way he texted his attorney to tell him someone was trying to pressure his publisher about that suit.  Xander put an update up onto the website about that, subtly, but pointed at an earlier interview.  Someone corrected the link for him but all he did was say 'thank you'.  The website's comments all agreed he had said he was a vindictive bitch about screwing with him and that if they had done it they deserved it.  It made him have warm fuzzies and he posted a funny quip he had put into the newest book.  The 'leaked' section was well liked.  He settled in on a bench to read.  He was conveniently near a park entrance point in case something happened.

"You evil thing!" someone shouted.

Xander blinked but it was some woman yelling at her boyfriend.  He went back to his book while they fought.  At least until someone stomped over and kissed him.  "Woman!" he shouted, pushing her off.  "I don't know you!  Quit kissing me!"

She pouted.  "You're a better man than mine."

Xander looked at her boyfriend then at her.  "I don't know him well enough to say that, but I'm staying out of marital matters that I'm not naturally part of.  Sorry!"  He got up and walked off.  He ran into another woman who tried to grab him and kiss him.  "No!"  He dove into a cab.  "Twelfth precinct?"  The cabby nodded and drove off.  Xander paid him and got out, heading inside.  Two different girls tried to grope him.  "Not right now, ladies," he said, trying to be charming.  He nearly dove onto the elevator.  All guys.  He sighed.  He got off and walked over to Beckett.  "Do I seem different to you?  Like women throwing themselves at me sort of urges?"

She gave him a confused look.  "What?"

"Old spell, which was totally my fault, but I'm having women hunting me and I want to make sure that the women who're trying for me today aren't because of that thing coming back somehow."

Beckett shook her head.  "I still don't want to do more than paddle you, Xander."  She smiled.

He sighed.  "Thank you!"  Some woman walked up behind him and ran her hand up his back.  He turned and took his wallet back.  "You can't have it."  She kissed him.  He pulled back.  "I only date the lighter bad girls.  Are you one?"  She pouted.  He smirked.  "Why try me?"

"You're famous so therefore you have a lot of money."

"In the bank, not on me.  And I'm not as wealthy as an actor or someone."

"So?  I can use your wallet to get me out of the city."

Xander pointed toward the river.  "There's bridges.  Go steal a car."  She snorted but stomped off.  Beckett pointed and she got arrested.  He stared at her.  "It's been like that for the last hour.   Are you sure it's not that old spell coming back?"

"What spell?" she asked.  Xander explained that whole love incident spell.  Including that Cordelia had broken up with him for her image.  She just nodded then batted him on the head.  "Idiot."

"It was my first real relationship!"

"Clearly."

"I was seventeen."

She nodded.  "You acted like a seventeen-year-old girl."  He shrugged.  "No, I don't think it's coming back.  They're just wannabe bad girls."  Xander relaxed and beamed at her, starting to walk off.  Until two female officers stopped him to kiss and grope him.  "Maybe I'm wrong," she decided, letting the minions get him free.  Xander made sure he had his wallet and things then gave them confused looks.  "Ladies, are you just really happy fans?" she asked.  They smiled and nodded.  "Okay.  He's making sure since he's had people grope him for no reason today."  They laughed and left.  Xander looked at her.  "Still not that old thing, Xander."

"Thanks."  He fled.

The minions shared a look.  "When I was seventeen and it was my first relationship, I might've too," Esposito admitted.  "Since then I grew up, grew manly, and got cool."  He sat down.

"You had your first relationship was that late?" Detective Ryan asked.  He sat down.

"That was a bit late," Beckett teased with a smirk.

Esposito smirked back.  "No but if I was as geeky as him, it might've been.  My first girlfriend was when I was twelve."

"I waited until I had fully finished developing," Beckett said.  She sat down, making notes on that spell in case they saw someone else that stupid.  Xander probably wouldn't be the first.  Or the last.

Kevin Ryan looked up from typing into his computer.  "We've had two cases of that locally.  It was put down as 'massed drugging in high school'."  He smirked.  "Both girls."

"Well, Xander was raised by Willow," Esposito complained.

Beckett nodded.  "I was never that sort of girl."  Castle walked in with coffee and a grin.  "Did you hear about that spell on Xander?"

He paused.  "The teenage witches managed it finally?"  He handed out coffees.

"From high school," Esposito said.  "A love spell?"

"Yeah, I heard about that.  Did it come back?"  He sat down.

"He thought it might have since random women were kissing him."

"There's been two girls who've done similar things," Beckett told him.

"That I'd expect from teenage girls."  Castle smiled.  "I'm so glad my daughter has sense."

They all nodded that was a good thing.

***

Xander walked into the apartment then turned and locked the door.  He even put on the deadbolt.

John Winchester looked over from watching the news.  "Bad day?" he joked.

"I'm still not sure that the old love spell from high school didn't come back."  He leaned his head on the door.

"Love spell?" John demanded.  "Rosenburg....." he started.  Xander waved a hand.  "You did what!"  Xander turned around to lean against the door and tell him what had happened back then.  John was still glaring.  "If you did that again...."

"No!  I haven't wanted or needed to.  Considering some of them were willing to kill me if I didn't break them in....  Not my thing!"  He walked toward the kitchen.  "But I've been groped by strange women all day."  He grabbed a bottle of soda and went to his office.  "I'm putting this into a book.  That way it's a warning so someone learns from my youthful mistakes."

"You should've had sense by then, Harris," John complained.

Xander came back to look at him.  "It was my first relationship, John.  To this day, I still feel things for Cordelia."  John grimaced.  "What if your wife had done that?"

"I would've walked away.  I had more women who would've filled in."

"I didn't."  He walked off again.  He opened the doors to the garden.  "Did they deliver the fence stuff?"

"Yes.  It's up there."

"Thank you."  He went up to put them in.   That way the cats wouldn't try to visit other buildings and get hurt or killed.

John looked up then texted his son Sam.  Sam pointed out teenagers in love did stupid things and at least it hadn't been Romeo and Juliette.  John put his phone up and went up to talk to the boy.  He clearly needed parents back then.  Actually the kid could use a real parent now.  "I heard from that stupid news station that your mother's getting out."

"She's out in Cali.  They'll send her home.  She's not coming here."  Xander looked over.  "I'll be damned."

John smiled.  "That's good to know.  She filed that she was coming out here to be closer to your father."

"I doubt she'd be able to afford it."

"Probably true.   Rent out here is horrible."  Xander nodded.   "How much did this place cost?"

"Nine hundred thou and change but I got six-fifty from the last place."

"That's a lot."

"Even the normal houses out on Staten Island are really expensive.  Beyond that, he's not on Riker's anymore so she'd have to go upstate."

"True."  He considered it.  "That's not near Albany but still expensive."

Xander nodded.  "If so, she's not coming here even to visit."

"Good idea."

"Did she make a statement?"

"Yeah."

"Shit," he muttered.  "Did Paula call?"

"Nope."

Xander called her.  "My mother's making statements?"  He listened.  "No, she's not coming anywhere near me.  I'll have that restraining order redone."  He grinned.  "That'd be helpful."  John caught the cat sneaking past them.  "Thanks, John."  He listened.  "Thanks, Paula.  If he's never going to do it again, maybe.  Right now, no.  Because I was raised by girls, Paula, and I learned how to be a vindictive bitch from Cordelia."  He grinned at John.  "He yelled at me earlier about that love spell back in high school.  I know, Rick wanted me to write a book about my misspent youth to warn other parents.  Sure."  He got the other cats.  "Inside, kittens."  He pointed and they ran.  John walked past him.  "Thanks."  He listened and nodded.

"That'll work.  I don't like it, but he's done it to others.  He had no facts and assumed, which trashed my rep, Paula.  Which would definitely affect sales!  He had no right to do that."  He nodded.  "Fine, I'll let them talk settlement.  No, I don't.  Thanks."  He hung up and texted the lawyer.  //Paula's making me tell you to talk settlement if you think it's at all possible we'll win.  Then it can go into a donation.//  He put his phone up and got back to putting in the pretty iron fence with clear plexiglass backing.  It made the wall closer to armpit height instead of low hip height.  It was much safer for people and kittens.

***

Xander looked at the entertainment reporter the next day, adjusting his shirt so it sat better.  He smiled at her.  "Thank you for asking me to make a comment."

"You've been in the news recently," she said, smiling at him.  It wasn't a happy smile.

"Hmm.  Not always by my own choice, but yes."  She nearly flinched.  He smiled.  "I've taken what I felt was appropriate action based on the bs that was going around at the time.  I don't need my reputation trashed because someone felt inferior.  A writer's rep is something that can kill their careers."

"I know."  She smiled.  "So, your mother's said that she's moving to your house in New York when she gets out?"

Xander laughed and shook his head.  "No.  No, in fact I'm asking for a new restraining order."  She gaped.  "Because my mother sent me a bomb that also had cocaine in it.  She was pissed off that my father went to jail for trying to blackmail me.  That was her reaction.  So no, I don't foresee any family reunions anytime soon."

"I understand that feeling.  I'd agree with it.  So a new restraining order?"

"We're going before a judge tomorrow.  I've also sent a certified letter to the warden at the prison she's in that she is not welcome at my house.  That's what my publisher and agent wanted me to do as a first step."  His phone beeped.  "I thought I turned that off," he apologized.

"That happens to a lot of people."

He looked and frowned.  "Shit."  He called them back, holding up a hand.  "John, they're with who?"  He listened.  "No, she's not coming to my house.  The warden knows that, the judge got the same letter.  Her lawyer got the same letter.  She's not coming to my house and I'm not making a damn bit of change in my house to humor the California Department of Corrections.  You can also tell them that we're getting a restraining order tomorrow."   He mouthed 'I'm so sorry' at the reporter before getting up and walking off stage.  "Hi, yes I am.  No, she's not welcome in my house.  Because the insane, drunken bitch sent me a bomb filled with cocaine," he said dryly.

"I didn't want anything to do with her drunkenness when I was in high school, I definitely don't want it now.  I sent you guys a certified letter stating that.  Along with the warden."  He listened while they complained.  "I don't care if that does derail her parole.  I'm not doing a damn thing for that woman.  I don't care if she gave birth to me or not.  You know what?  When you start paying for me to see a therapist over her shit from when I was younger, then we'll talk, but until then no.  I don't care if I'm her son.  That's not my fault.  She's an adult.  If I had done that I wouldn't go begging back to them.  Go to a halfway house, whatever, but she's not coming to mine."

He hung up and took a deep, calming breath then called Paula.  "Paula, department of corrections people are at my house to tell me what I need to change because I'm her only relative.  Get them out of my house however you can, even if you have to shoot them.  No, I'm at the entertainment station's news people's studio," he said dryly.  "If I was there, I'd be hanging them off the roof.  Thanks."  He hung up and called John again.  "They leave or I'm coming home to shoot them.  Paula said I could."  He hung up and one of the assistants on hand took his phone with a smile.  "Thank you.  I'm trying not to throw it."

"I know," she said quietly.  She unhooked his microphone.  "Go calm down in the green room.  You can come back to this."  He nodded, going to do that.  She looked at her boss.

"Thank you.  He's a bit pissed off."

"I think he has a reason.  If my mother tried to blow me up I wouldn't want to talk to her either."

"Good point.  Me either."  She got settled and waited.  Xander came back a few minutes later.  "Finish calming down, Harris.  We can wait another ten minutes."

"I doubt ten minutes is going to make much of a difference.  I'm going to go to the gun range."  She smiled and got him remicrophoned and they went back to the interview.

***

John hung up.  "Mr. Harris was very upset.  He's already called his lawyer and agent."

"By law he's her only relative."

"She tried to blow him up.  We've already had one restraining order."  Sam came off the elevator.  "Sam."

Sam smiled at them.  "By law, you cannot make a victim of a violent crime house the offender.  That is federal law."  They gaped.  "I may have started my law degree but even I know that.  And Mr. Harris is going to sue you.  A lot.  She tried to kill him.  You can't make him house her.  Especially since he had walked away from her as soon as he was eighteen and had a job that would pay for rent."

"She said he's lived with her," one of them said.

"He spent four months living in the basement, paying them rent, until he could afford his own apartment.  Since then I doubt they've spoken."

"By law she has to go to a relative or other suitable situation."

"They have halfway houses," Sam noted.  "Those are a legal alternative.  If his uncle is out of jail for his DUI habit, I'm not sure which side he's on."

"It can't be another felon," the other agent sighed.

Sam shrugged.  "He's not going to let her come here.  He'll kill her if she comes here.  I've never seen anyone have a screaming, trying to crawl up the walls nightmare about anything until I saw one of his about her."  They nodded.  "So no, she's not coming here.  If your department tries, there's going to be a lot of press coverage, a lot of lawsuits, and she'll still be out there."

"For that matter, it's only been two years since she went to jail.  Attempting to bomb someone with a powerful bomb with drugs included only gives you two years?" John asked.

"The prison's overcrowded and it was felt she wouldn't do it again."

"He's not changing for her, she's won't be able to drink here, and he's going to send her onto the streets first," Sam told them.  They nodded.  "I'm sorry, guys.  I know you're doing your job, but no.  There's no way Xander would accept that."

"We understand, sir.  Tell him we're sorry?"

"Of course," Sam agreed with a smile.  "He's probably heading to my brother since he's on the gun range.  That way he could blow off the steam in a constructive way."

"He has guns?" one of them asked.

Sam found a video on his phone, showing it to them.  They gaped and nodded.  "Understood," the other one said.   Sam smiled.  "Are you his...boyfriend?"

"Friend.  We're up here hunting something."  He grinned.  They nodded and left.  He called Xander.  "They left, they won't come back, it's going to be okay so calm down," he said into his voicemail.  "Go to the gun range.  Dean's there."  He hung up and called Dean.  "Xander might be joining you."  He hung up and got the cats to cuddle.  "That was a good thing."  He texted Paula to let her know.

"He was at the reporter's studio," John said.

"I'm sure she's horrified by him swearing but they'd handle it.  Xander can make her have wet panties and it'll be fine, Dad."  He grinned.  "Xander's getting good at that."  John nodded, settling in again.  Dean's cat jumped over to stare at John, then meowed at him.

He petted her.  "Fine."

Sam grinned, going back to the other three.  Beth walked in and stared.  "He's at the studio."

"He wanted me to bring him a handgun for the range."  Sam pointed behind him.  She got into the gun cabinet.  "Which one, Sam?"

He looked.  "The blue case."  She nodded, taking out that case.  He took it to check, making sure it was unloaded.  Then he handed it back.  "That'll work."  She smiled and left with it.

John looked at him.  "That's a puny gun."

"It'll take him longer at the range.  He could use the time."

"He could," John decided.  He went back to petting the insistent cat.  She was laying beside him and kneading his thigh.  He looked down.  Then shook his head.  "You're a bit strange, cat."  He still petted her.  She might be his only future daughter-in-law.

***

Xander walked into Paula's office once he had calmed down at the gun range.  Dean was in the car.  "I'm sorry if the interview today is going to look really bad on me."

She shook her head.  "She sent me the full video and how she edited it.  She took out all the swearing.  Not that I wouldn't."  She smiled.  "The lawyer has gotten the restraining order."  Xander relaxed.  "We've faxed it to the Department of Corrections with a copy of the letter we already sent them.  And to the prison."  Xander finished relaxing and nodding.  "Do you have any other shocks?"

"Not yet.  Why?"

"You were having coffee with Sam?"

"He brought me your message.  Later that day I got pounced by strange women.  I'm worried that it might be Anya's groupie curse since it wasn't the love spell back in high school coming back."

"I'm sure it's not either.  Just a crop of new bad girls in the city."  He grinned.  "Are you and Sam perhaps thinking about dating?"

"Sam wants that normal thing.  The kids, the tire swing for them.  Father's days."  She nodded she understood that.  "Which I can't give him."

"I can see that?  John or Dean?"

"John's been being very parental for the last few days," he admitted.  "He yelled about the love spell back in high school.  Dean's nice, and I like him as a friend, but he likes breasts."

"Okay, so I'll kill any rumors in that direction."  Xander grinned.  "The witches?"

"They did get through to them.  Willow's in a motel room uptown so Father Morgan can help her again."

"Again?"  Xander nodded.  "Okay."  He grinned.  "There's another premiere."

"Should I since I went to the local one?"

"You could."

"Wouldn't it look like I was a media whore?"

"It could."

"Then I'll abstain unless they want me to."  She nodded, sending the producer an email to make sure of what she wanted.  He stood up.  "Thank you for being reasonable and nice."

She smiled.  "You're like a cousin I can guide, Xander.  Things like this I can help with if you want me to."  He grinned and left.  She got back to his newest thing.  It was an older one but she liked it a lot.

***

Xander flopped down once he got home, looking at them.  "She'll stop the rumors that we had coffee, Sam."  Sam grinned.  He looked at the content kitties.  "Guys, I could use some furry love."  They snored at him.  He rolled his eyes.  "Fine."  Dean handed one of the ones from Sam's lap to him.  "Thanks."  He cuddled the kitten, getting complaints and batted at.  He kissed her on the head.  "Relax and let the daddy cuddle, Homer.  He had a bad morning."  He petted her, letting her hop down and go back to bother Sam.  He moved to sit next to Sam and they all came to him.  "I guess we don't like that chair?"  He petted them.

"Maybe you need to febreeze it," John said.

"Maybe but they've always hated that chair," Xander said with a grimace.  He shrugged and petted them.  "Do we have money in the house?  I wanted to order dinner and not use the bank since my last royalty check hasn't cleared."

"Is that a problem?" John asked.

"I have a shitload in investments but the savings account is running low.  The checking account is usually healthy but I want to leave it there in case something happens."

"That's wise," John agreed.  "You could have eighty years of handling things."

"It's not that likely," Xander countered.  "Maybe forty."  Someone knocked.  "Open," he called.  They opened the door.  The three Winchesters glared.  "That's not an invitation, guys.  Not even vamps can do that.  And if they've made it this far, there's no way I don't know them."

"Good point," John decided.  He looked at the detective.  "Yes, Detective Taylor?"

"Xander, someone said you were threatening agents?"

"No, I said if they made my mother move in I was going to shoot them."

Mac Taylor looked at him.  "Why?"

"They were trying to relocate his mother to here from prison," John told him.

"Didn't she try to blow you up?" Mac asked.  Xander smirked and nodded.  "Then I guess that's reasonable."

"I was stressed," Xander admitted.  "I can write a letter of apology."

"No, they didn't say anything about that," Sam said, looking at his father.

"I never repeated that part.  I was trying for tactful but firm."

"No, we got it from a reporter," Mac said.

"I was at an interview when John called.  I swore, I threatened, I had a hissy fit," Xander admitted.  "I'm calmer now."  Mac smiled and nodded, leaving them alone.  He looked at Dean.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He petted his cat since she had walked over John to get to him.  "Hi, sweetheart.  You're better than a wife."

John snorted.  "Not really.  Human wives can do a lot that cats can't."

"Including sleep with you in that nice cuddly way," Xander quipped.  "I'd love one of those myself."

"You got a letter," John said, finding it on the table and handing it over.  "That reminded me since it's got a kiss on it."

Xander looked it over then opened it, staring at it.  "Um...  Not a good thing.  Dean, see if Mac's still outside in his car?"  Dean looked and shook his head.  "Then maybe we should see Beckett or a minion of Beckett.  Now."

"Drugs?" John asked.

"No, an invitation to my death.  Um...  Hmm.  My stalker from LA is out of jail.  And wants me to travel to the Middle East with him."

Sam called.  "Detective Ryan, it's Sam Winchester.  Xander just opened a nice invitation from someone he said was his stalker from LA who invited him to the Middle East."

"Which would get us killed since they like to kill gay men," Xander said dryly.

"He wants to know why he hasn't shown up before."

"Because I subtly had him arrested for trying to kill Tara," Xander said.  "Through my last agent."  He carefully put it down.  "And he's on three terrorist watch lists."

Sam repeated that and hung up.  "They'll come over here for dinner."

"That means I need to dip into the bank account for pizza."  Xander got up to check his account online, grimacing.  "Someone locked it.  Interesting."  He found something and used it instead.  It went through and he called the agent he knew.  "It's Xander Harris.  Two things.  Um, my stalker from LA.  Yes, him.  Sent me a nice invitation.  Middle East.  They're coming.  And who locked my bank account?"  He smirked.  "No, she can't.  And if they did, I'm suing them."  He smiled.  "No, I handled dinner.  Please."  He nodded.  "One of Beckett's guys.  Thanks."  He hung up and put down the phone, walking out.  They were coming off the elevator.  "The Homeland agent said it can't be him, he died in jail two weeks ago."

Esposito looked at him.  "Why call him?"

"Because someone also locked my bank account."

"Shit," Ryan said.  He went to look that up.  "Not the FBI.  Or Homeland.  There it is," he said.  "Unlocked.  Department of Corrections for investigating your finances."

"She's not coming here."  The detectives stared at him.  "My mother's getting out."

"She only got two years?" Esposito demanded.

"Yeah, and they were going to relocate her here!"

"Hopefully you threw a fit."  Xander and John both nodded.  "The invitation?"

"No clue," Xander said, handing over the envelope.

He looked it over.  "I don't know.  It's in his name.  They're sure he's dead?"  He called a contact in the FBI.  He walked outside then back in, pacing as they talked.  He nodded once.  Then he hung up after a quiet 'thank you'.  "He's in Witness Protection."

Xander stared at him.  "Wouldn't that mean they'd stop him from stalking someone?"

"The agent I talked to will warn him off," Esposito said.  Xander smiled and hugged him.  "Get off, kid."  Xander pulled back with a sheepish look.  "Which agent?"  Xander handed him the card.  He called him to talk to him.  Ryan got the pizzas from the doorway and brought them up with the cats helping.  Xander went down to get the one that had snuck out.  He came back and got a piece of pizza, sitting down while holding the cat.  The cat complained.

"Then don't escape," Dean told it.  It pushed at him but Xander handed him off to Dean.   They settled in to give ideas if he comes back.  Because what they got from his file was bad. Even among Xander's dates, he was bad.

"Did you two date?" Ryan asked.

Xander shook his head.  "No.  He hit on me in the club and I said no.   Because even my bad shit radar went off with him."

"Yeah, good idea," Esposito said.  He ate a bite of pizza.  His and Ryan's phone went off.  "Castle."  He called him.  "We're at Xander's talking about his former stalker that's in protection."  He listened.  "Seriously?  Kid, turn on E."

Xander did that and watched.  "Hmm.  Well, I'm already suing him."  He texted his lawyer.  //If he hasn't gotten a settlement offer, the report today on E! canceled any hope.  Thanks.//   He put his phone down.  "I don't have an anger issue.  Most of the time."

"You'd have the right to a lot worse one," Ryan said.  Xander nodded.  "I'm proud you managed it."

"I kept scaring Willow when we were younger so she made me calm it down."

John growled at something.  "Do we have that reporter's number somewhere, Xander?"

"No, and neither does Paula.  We had to call people who knew others to get the interview I did with them."  He looked at his phone.  "But I do know one."  He found her number and pulled it up.  "Sam?  Can you counter it?"

Sam, Dean, and John shared a look.  "They already know about us," Dean said.

"Sam would give better face time, sound more reasonable," John decided.  The three nodded.

Xander hit 'send' and listened.  "Marian, it's Alexian Harris.  Yes, about that shit.  I have a hunter here who would like to talk to you.  Do you have about ten minutes?"  He smiled.  "Well, we're at home right now.  Sure.  That'll work.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Sam, go steal a shirt from my closet?"  He got up and went to do that.  He came down in nice jeans and a decent shirt.  Xander and Dean adjusted seats outside.  The setting sun made a nice backdrop and wouldn't bother the camera.  Esposito let them in.  "Thank you," he told the reporter, giving her a hug.  "He's doing it because I'm suing him."

"I heard."  She patted him on the cheek.  "Nice setup, boys."  Sam grinned and shook her hand.  "You're really tall," she said.

He grinned.  "I hear that a lot."  She grinned and helped the camera guy set up.  "Here?" Sam asked, sitting down.

"Other side."  He switched seats.  She sat down and the camera guy nodded.  "I'm here with a rebuttal of something a certain doctor of addiction has said," she told the camera with a smile.  "This is Sam Winchester."  Sam smiled and nodded.  "Sam, he said that hunting is anger issues?"

"Most hunters...  My family has been hunting since I was six months old and a demon took out my mother."  She shivered.  "Most of the hunters I know started hunting because someone they loved was hurt by a demon.  Or they were.  It's not anger in the sense he meant.  It's a lot of 'I'll get that thing back' and part 'it'll never hurt another person'.  If he had talked to a lot of officers, I'm sure quite a few went into law enforcement for the same reason.  To make sure people are protected from things that are killing people."

"So it's not because you're taking out your anger on them," the reporter said.

"No.  Though I won't claim that some times we aren't doing that when we deal with something, it's not the reason we hunt.  You don't come into this life just because you're mad.  Maybe if you become a boxer or something but not a hunter.  Hunting takes research, a lot of research, physical exertion, and a lot of traveling to deal with things that people don't want to admit exists and hate that you made them see."

"I didn't want to know about the demons in this city," she admitted.

"Most of the ones in the city are peaceful and nice beings," Sam said with a grin.  "Last year, there was a plan to make us stay with Xander.  They were the most polite I've ever seen when they broke our legs."  She gaped.  "He apologized.  He said it was nothing personal.  He got another one to call Xander and check on us."  He grinned.  "It was a plan to set us and Xander up.  We were already friends," he said with a smile.  "He babied us for weeks.  One of his cats tried to adopt my brother.  He told our father so he wouldn't be able to complain."

"Seriously?" she demanded.

"It was another hunter's plan at setting us up."  He smiled.  "It's made our friendship close and we're still good friends."

"How many injuries have you had since you started to hunt?"

"Well, we were allowed to hunt on our own when we were late teens.  I think I went on my first non-parent supervised hunt when I was sixteen and promptly broke my foot."  He grinned.  "I took off four years for Stanford and then got brought back into it by the demon that was hunting my family; the one who got my mother also got my girlfriend.  Since then I've had a broken arm, the one broken leg and one badly bone bruised one from that demon, and a few concussions.  A few strained shoulders from digging up remains to salt and burn them.  That's how you banish ghosts," he said at her confused look.

"Dean, my brother, has had a few good concussions and a broken rib, plus there was a plot to nearly kill us by that same demon's daughter.  It would've crashed a semi into our car, which would've probably nearly killed or really killed my brother.  He got electrocuted once and nearly died from it too."  He scratched the back of his neck.  "Dad's had more injuries but he's tougher than Dean and I are because he was a Marine when he was younger.  He retired just after he got married."  He grinned at her.  "Dad can still kick our butts in sparring."

"So you're saying it's not anger, it's like being an officer or an agent who got affected so you made sure that it couldn't happen to anyone else," she said.

"Yes, I am."  He grinned.  "Someone has to hunt the bad things before they take out more kids and families."

"What was your last hunt?"

"We had shown up in New York to handle the portal problem if it came back, but we also handled a haunting just outside the city to the north and I think Dad handled one that was haunting a funeral home?" he called.  John nodded.  The camera swung to him and back.  Sam smiled.  "Dad's hunted a long time."

"You're twenty-eight?"

"Almost twenty-nine."

"He's been hunting since you were six-months-old?"  Sam nodded.  "How did he handle hunting and watching you two grow up?"

"Dean was four years older and he did some watching when we were older.  Sometimes a few other hunters babysat during hunts.  We didn't have what people would say was a traditional or a comfortable growing up but we did grow up strong and knowing that we had to help those that weren't expecting a ghost to kill their families.  Or a demon to attack them while they were playing in a park."

"You went to Stanford?"

"On a full ride scholarship."  He grinned.  "I was within a semester of starting law school when my girlfriend was killed."

"How often did you guys move?"

"Every few months," Dean called.  "Which is why Sammy's brains are so impressive to us."

She smiled at him.  Then at Sam.  "That is impressive."

"We learned a lot on the road, but it's not a life that any of the ones in it would encourage for anyone.  That's why Xander's fairly graphic fantasy novels about hunters set off some panic and let some kids realize they didn't want that."

"That's why that one hunter worked against him?"  Sam nodded.  "Is he still one of you?"

"He's apologized and he was possessed at the time.  That was the demon's plan but he didn't want to bring too much light to us."

"I think I can understand that.  But to counter his comment, it's not taking out anger?"

Xander came out.  "There were days I took out the normal teenage frustration hunting.  It's not that common or uncommon.  It's not why we started hunting."

"Why did you start hunting?" she asked him.

"I had a friend that I had known since before I could babble.  I had to steal the pictures of us in the same playpen from my mother when I left."  He went into his office and came out.  "That was Jesse."

She looked then at him.  "He got killed by a demon?"

"He got turned by a vampire."  She gaped.  "And I ended up having to deal with it.  I kept going to make sure that the thing that did it to him was ended.  And when it was, I found that I had to keep going, no matter what the people I was with thought about me being normal."

"You're considered normal?"

"I'm not a slayer, not a witch," he said dryly.  She shuddered.  He smiled.  "That was my feeling but Willow and Buffy were certain I was normal."  He put the picture back inside.  "Like this family, I got into it because it had taken someone who was closer than a brother to me."  He put his hands in his pocket.  "It's not a healthy life.  I should've went and joined the military or gone to the academy and become an officer to channel that, but I didn't.  I started to write.  I kept helping during hunts and apocalypse battles.  And personally, I don't think he's ever had anything he's ever cared that much about."

"He's a father."

Xander nodded.  "If he's a good father, would he kill the thing threatening his kids?"  He walked off.  John patted him on the back.  He shrugged slightly.  "Still sucks that I staked him," he muttered.

"It does," John agreed.

"His first," Dean said very quietly.  John nodded, patting the kid again.  Esposito handed him a piece of pizza, getting a grin.

She looked at Sam.  "Your girlfriend?"

"The demon that was hunting the family had a bad habit of pinning people to the ceiling, cutting open their stomachs, and then setting the ceiling on fire."  She shuddered.  "I got to see her just as the fire started.  I got back from helping Dean try to find our father when he had went off the grid to hunt that demon, laid down on the bed, looked up to find her giving me the helpless look and the fire start."  She shuddered.  "I tried so hard to save her."  He took a calming breath.  "I did."  Dean came out and Sam walked off to spend some time in the bathroom.

Dean smiled.  "Sorry."

"No, that has to be emotional for him, Dean.  Thank you for countering that rumor."

"Guys like him will never understand.  They decided that emotions are not something to live with.  I feel sorry for them for that but we protect everyone because it's a drive to us, like cops get.  We're soldiers in a very dirty war that no one wants to think about going on.  It's not military service but it's still a duty and an obligation.  The same as if only a third of people could see the people blowing through red lights to cause accidents, it's their job to stop them."

"I can agree with that.  It's not something I could do, even if it did affect me personally.  Some people are meant to do things like military service and some of us aren't but we should all honor them."  He grinned.  She cut and they packed up, taking it back to the studio to edit and hand over to the right people.  It was a moving interview.  A powerful one.  And Sam was cute.

John looked at the bathroom but Dean was off helping Sam calm down.  He went to talk to Xander.  "He's probably be proud."

"He'd be proud that I got famous," Xander admitted, looking up.  "But not that all this had happened.  He was an avoid the fight sort most of the time.  Pranks but not fights."

"Not everyone's meant to fight, Xander."  Xander nodded.  "You did good helping and protecting people though.  He'd be proud of that."

"I'd like to think so."  He smiled.  "I do miss Jesse a shitload."

"We all have people we miss, kid."  Xander nodded.  "Come eat."

Xander nodded, coming out to get some pizza and going to hug Sam.  Dean wouldn't but Sam needed a hug.  It was what being raised by Willow had done, he had an excellent hug needing radar.

John sat down.  "Sorry," he said quietly.

Esposito shook his head.  "No, don't be."

"Do we think he's looking to find someone that special?" Ryan asked.

"Probably," John agreed.  "I'm not sure if that's going to come easily though."

Xander came out.  "No, Jesse was the only good boy I've ever drawn."  He sat down.  The cats came over to pounce, even Dean's.   He petted them and Dean's roamed across him and Dean both to get Sam to pet him.  He smiled.  "Thanks, kitten."

Sam grinned, petting her.  "Thank you, sweetheart.  I needed the love."

"She gives good lovies," Xander agreed, petting the others.  Someone knocked and they scattered.  "In the house," he called.  They came back in.  He got up to answer the door, letting in Beckett and Castle.  "We already saw the shrink and countered it."

Rick smiled.  "Good.  I didn't want to bring that information."  They came in to settle in and talk about the stalker.  They didn't like the sound of this one and Beckett had gotten his full file.  "Eighty-three kills," Rick said.

Xander nodded.  "I'm guessing that's why my bad shit radar went off when he hit on me."

"You never dated him?" Beckett asked.

"No.  I helped my first agent get him arrested when he came after Tara."

"That's sad," Beckett decided.  Xander nodded.  "You really should date Dean or Sam, Xander."

"The witches wanted Dad," Dean joked with a grin.

Beckett shook her head.  "I can't see that.  He'd nag and treat him like he does you two, Dean."

"Yes, I would, and I don't plan on remarrying anyway.  No matter what some little teenage witches want to be spanked for trying."

Rick smiled.  "I'm so glad my daughter has sense."

"We're all glad your daughter isn't one of those brainless daughters," Esposito told him.

"I'm hoping I never have one of those," Xander sighed.   "Whenever I adopt."

"Some day you'll find the right semi-evil one and maybe it'll be the right time," Beckett said with a smile.

"With his luck, he'll have one show up out the blue," Ryan joked.

"Don't tempt them," Rick reminded him with a smirk.  "Some of his might."

"I'm just hoping Willow didn't curse anyone to fertility when she did the other things."

John shuddered.  "If she is, not even the baby will save her.  We'll make sure Daniel has her."

"You know, she was thinking she was pregnant again," Beckett said.  Xander shook his head.  "Miscarried?"  He nodded.  "Pity."

"Yeah but she's just addicted to her powers.  Maybe not having one right now is a good idea."

"Probably," Esposito agreed.  "Father Morgan still have her?"  John nodded.  "Probably a good idea."

"Willow pulled her tried and tested memory spells too.  Fortunately they got that solved."  Xander plucked out another piece of pizza and handed it to Sam, getting a grin.  "You need to eat.  I heard the hunter groupies are looking forward to finding you and pouncing you."  He whimpered.  "They want to spank Dean but they want to pounce you for cuddles."

"I think we'll avoid them for a bit longer," Dean decided.  Everyone smirked at him.  They made good plans for the stalker showing up.

Because he would.  He wanted Xander in that special bad boy way.

***

Xander walked past two officers on lunch break.  "Guys, slight problem.  He's in witness protection and not supposed to be near me," he told one.  "Sorry about your lunch."

"Oh, come on, Harris," the guy complained.  "You're going to get me busted?  I haven't even touched the pretty blonde now that you're not living with her."

"Tara's like my fucking sister," he said, glaring at him.  "You tried to kill her.  You're damn lucky you made it to jail."  The guy sneered and threw a knife.  Xander ducked and grabbed it off the ground.  "No, this is how you throw a knife," he said.

"Don't you dare!" the officers shouted.  Xander glared.  "We saw him do that, so we can arrest him," one said.  Xander handed over the knife.

"Hiding behind minions," the idiot snorted, sneering at Xander.  "I thought you were stronger.

Xander stared at him.  He saw someone behind him and sighed, then looked at the officers.  "Am I still a good enough boy to tell him that my ex who's an assassin is behind him?" he asked quietly.

"Thanks for that warning, sir," the other officer said.  "Stand still," he snapped.  "You try to run and we'll be really pissed.  After all, we're on lunch."

"I'll buy you guys lunch," Xander offered.  "I'm nice that way.  I do for Beckett when she has to arrest a bad date."  He smiled and waved.  "Hi, Brit."

"Xander!"  She smiled and waved.  "Did you have him arrested for trying to kill Tara?"

"He's in WP."

"Awww, that's so sweet.  I'll have to tell Barry."  The guy gave her a horrified look.  "You're not worthy of our Xander."  He whimpered, looking at Xander.

"She's really nice and loves oral sex."  Xander beamed at him.  "So does Barry.  And he's an agent so good for my career too."

The guy growled and lunged at Xander.  "No one gets you but me!"  Xander and he fought.  The officers stared.

"Kick his leg," Brit called.  "He's got a weak right knee."  One of the officers did that and ducked Xander hitting the now empty spot.  "Nice shot, Xander."

He pushed back his hair.  Then he grinned.  "I have nothing to do tonight, Brit."

She laughed.  "Unfortunately I do and he's in Portugal.  Next week?"

"Two book signings?"

"We'll do dinner when I'm back."  She winked and walked off.

"Ma'am, we need a statement," one of the officers ordered, following her.  "Even if you're an assassin or whatever, we still need a statement."

"You're so adorable," she cooed, pinching him on the cheek.  "If I didn't like naughty boys like Xander, I'd pounce you."

"My wife and four daughters might mind," he said with a smirk.  She laughed and gave him what he needed.  Xander gave them his nice gift certificate to the steak place up the street he hadn't gotten to use yet.  He called first to make sure it had a balance too, he didn't want to give a bad present.  The officers stared at him.  "We can't accept presents, sir."

"I ruined your lunch.  You need lunch to save guys like me.  You can ask Captain Montgomery.  I've done it for his unit after they arrested an ex."

"We'll ask him," the other decided, taking it.  The captain could hand it back.  "Which unit is he in?"

"Homicide."

"We can do that," they agreed, gathering up their lunch mess and heading for the car.   When they got to homicide everyone was nearly at the snapping point.  He put the guy in the chair next to the nicer looking female detective.  He'd heard about her.  "Detective Beckett, ma'am, we just rescued his ex from him.  And got the nice assassin to give a statement.  And you can give Mr. Harris back the gift card too?"

Captain Montgomery came out.  "Keep it, guys.  He'll pout."  They gave him a dirty look.  He called to clear it with Internal Affairs, and got them dinner to take home.  He looked at the guy in the chair.  "What did you do?"

"He was going to go with some floosy assassin.  I'm *so* much better," he huffed.  "Even if she does like oral sex."

Beckett looked at the statement.  "Brit's in town.  The officer said she's heading to Portugal."  Esposito called the transit authority people so they could arrest her.  They had a few warrants in the city from her job.  She looked at him.  "Xander means no when he says no.  He's very certain who he wants to date and who he doesn't."

"You're just jealous because he'd never have you," he sneered.

She laughed.  "I don't want the kid.  I've never wanted the kid.  I'm not that much a bad girl."  He slumped down.  "Let me call someone to come pick your stupid ass up."

"Called Barry," Ryan said with a grin.  "He's very happy to come up to New York to pick him up."

"Do we really want to trust him to one of Xander's other boyfriends?" Montgomery demanded.

"I can defeat that little *agent* anyway.  No matter what that *assassin* weakling said," the guy sneered.

"You'll be in cuffs," Beckett said.  He lunged at her and she hit him.  He went down.  "No wonder Xander didn't want you.  All his can spar with him."  The guys laughed.  "Get him to holding."  They dragged him down there to do the booking slips.  She shook her head, looking at her boss.

"Nice punch," he said.  "Chocolate?"  She glared.  He smirked.  "It's a fair question at times."

"This case is driving me nuts."

He looked then at her.  "See if Xander dated them yet?"

She went over his file of who he dated and moaned.  "Barry's already in town I think."  The Homeland agent that Xander worked with over his blood issues stomped in.  "Is FBI Agent Barry Sinclair in town?"

"Yup.  We arrested him earlier for taking out a terrorist."  He smirked.  "He did a nice patriotic job but he wasn't supposed to sneak up behind him and shoot him."

"Wonderful."  She handed over the booking slips Esposito handed her.  "Arrested him too.  He's in Witness Protection for some reason."

He looked then nodded.  "I'm guessing you tried to call Barry because of him?"  She smirked and nodded.  "I'll call their handlers.  Why does Harris not have health insurance?"

"Because it'd be thirteen grand a year," Esposito told him.  "Unless he marries someone and they put him on their plan."

He just nodded.  "That's sad."

"If he was just hunting, he'd get covered.  Apparently being a writer is too dangerous and at his age, even the writer's insurance plans aren't risking it.  He's too wild."

He just nodded.  "I gave him the name of the one I know about."

"That was thirteen grand a year," Beckett said dryly.

"Ow.  Okay."  He smirked.  "We have three other terrorists in town."

"Has Xander been dating?" Ryan quipped.

"No, we called him last night and told him he was not allowed to date this week."

She called Xander.  "Where are they?"  He quipped something.  "Yes, them.  You know, you keep that up and we'll have to make you get spandex.  Which means a lot more time in the gym, Xander."  She wrote down the address, handing it to the agent.  "He'll be right there.  I have a *what*?"  She listened.  "That's insane.  Yeah, I'll have Castle told.  He's off reading to an elementary school today."  She hung up.  "I have a *fan* who came up to Xander to ask him about me, guys."  They smirked at her.  "I'm not going to be guarded by the kid again.  Tara doesn't live there so I can't bum clothes."

"Sure," Esposito agreed.  "We can arrange that if we have to."  He caught Ryan texting.  "Castle?"  He nodded and put his phone up.  "Terrorists?  I'm assuming that's what Xander was saying?"

"He just disarmed a smaller truck bomb."  The agent walked off to handle that.  "You know, last time he was a real hardass when he was here," she said once he was in the elevator.  "This time, I think Xander warped him somewhat."

"Maybe that hardassness makes him want to date the kid," Montgomery quipped.  She cackled, shaking her head.  "So this one was Barry?"  She nodded.  "Wonderful!"  He went to take an antacid.

***

Xander got escorted to John Winchester's side in the park by his homeland agent.  "Pick him out a flattering spandex costume and make him do gym time.  He's not near built big enough yet."  He walked off.

"Did you get the other one?" Xander called.

"Yup, sure did.  Thanks, Harris."

"Not my fault.  One wanted me to sign his book."  The agent just waved.

John stared at the young hunter.  "Demons trying a takeover event?"

"He's from Homeland."  John stared at him then reached over and smacked him on the head.  "There were only three and they did stop me to ask me to sign their books."  John did it again.  "Hey!"

"You need drugs, kid."

"That would ruin the muses and make Paula *very* pissed off and she's scary."  He jogged off.  "Dean, I need lunch," he called when he spotted him.  "You're driving."

"Of course I'm driving.  Where is your car?"

"Somewhere uptown?  I'll get it later."  Dean just nodded, taking Xander to lunch since he was buying.

John groaned, rubbing his face.  "Jesus, that kid needs someone to calm him down."  Someone sat beside him so he looked at Castle.  "The Homeland agent said he needed a superhero costume."

"He has one in his closet from when he used to go to conventions."  John slumped, shaking his head.  "If we could find him someone to date, I'd stick them in a closet together.  Unfortunately, the only good ones he draws seem to be some darker agents."  John shook his head.  "Or your sons."

"I asked them both, neither one's more than playful with him."

"Any other hunters?"

John shook his head.  "I don't know of any that even play that way and the only female ones I know are older or hate him."

"Pity," Rick said.  "Beckett sent me to talk to you about that."

John nodded.  "Does he only do this when he's not dating?"

"As far as we can tell it definitely picks up when he's not dating.  I have no idea about what happens when he's in a relationship.  He hasn't had one since Anya.  Beckett also said it's amazing that we're importing them from Chicago now.  Maybe he should do a book signing tour."  He smiled.  "See other places' bad boys and girls?"

"He'd have to have security."

"You have no idea but yes he would," Rick said.  John stared at him.  "Other things that have happened that you probably don't know about."

"Sammy told me that a demon tried to make him sick once."

"That too," he agreed.

"Shit."

"Yup.  Last time we got him some nice military guys.  Paula's setting up one so he'll have to do some shopping.  He'll need kitten sitters."  John nodded.  "So if your boys want to settle in for a few weeks.....  It's a six-week planned tour."

"I can tell them that.  Shopping, Sammy can probably handle.  Or Beth."  Rick nodded that was true.  He swallowed.  "Guards....  I have no idea."

"We know a general we can ask.  Plus paranoid Homeland agents."  He smirked.  "We arrested one of his past dates this morning for killing terrorists the wrong way."

"He said whatever he did happened because they stopped him to sign their book."

Rick nodded once.  "That doesn't surprise me."  He stood up.  "He goes in three weeks."  He left with a smile.  That series of who was killing Xander was still going hard.  Beckett was laughing at the preview copy he had leant her when he got back to the station.  "John will make sure the cats have someone to fuss at them.  Sam can help Xander shop."

She called the number in her phone.  "It's Beckett.  Harris is going on a signing trip in...."

"Three weeks," Rick said.  "It's six weeks long."

"In three weeks, for six weeks of traveling.  Outside the US, Castle?"

"Two in Canada."

"Canada."  She listened.  "Yeah, we need a list of recommended bodyguards.  I doubt it since Sheppard is SGC," she said dryly.  "So is McKay.  Yeah, that's who did it last time.  Thanks."  She hung up.  "He'll get a list of approved bodyguards."

"Could help.  He'll want someone he can talk to.  Paula even scheduled him a weekend at the cabin."

"That's nice of her."  She went back to reading.  Barry had confessed to the murder so they had wrapped up that case and paperwork already.  "You really think it's going to be Bethany?"

"No.  She'll get weeded out in three chapters."  He smirked.  She gave him a dirty look.  "It's got so many twists and turns to keep you guessing through all seven books.  Speaking of, I'm still working on book four."  He got up and went home to do that.  He walked in and kissed his mother on the cheek.  "Mother, Xander's going on a book signing trip."

She moaned.  "The poor US."  He smiled.  "Maybe he'll find someone worthy after all.  Go write, Rick."  He nodded, going to do that.  She shook her head, making sure her granddaughter knew when she came in.  She could help Xander shop.  She liked to do that sort of thing.

***

Xander looked up from writing when John walked into his office, giving him a confused look.  "What did I do this time?"

"You're going on a signing trip."

Xander whooped and called her.  "It's true?  I'm going to travel?"  He beamed at John.  "That's so cool!  No, I've been writing.  Chocolate lords.  Thanks, Paula."  He hung up and got into his email to find the orders, the plans, and the itinerary, with the huge note at the bottom to find a bodyguard, Beckett was compiling a list.  "That's wonderful!  Now all I have to do is find kitten sitters."

"That's us," Sam called, leaning around his father to beam at him.  "How many cities?"  Xander showed him, still bouncing on the balls of his feet and beaming in happiness.  "Cool!  That's a shitload of flying."

"At least it's not driving."  He beamed at John, showing him.    "Even a weekend off in there to deal with things."

"She told us."  Xander hugged him before bouncing off to show Dean.  John shook his head.

"Xander likes to travel and he never got to see all the US like we did," Sam said, staring at him.

"I can understand that.  I have no idea who I'd get to protect the boy though."  He took it to look over, writing notes on the side.  "Don't go near these spots," he told him.  "They're hunters bars.  There's still some pissy hunters."

"Okay."  He nodded, beaming as he grabbed his keys and wallet, heading out.  "Homer, get out of the elevator!"  The cat ran.  "Dean, do a tail count please?"

"I can see two of the other three," he said, going to check his room since it was 'his' cat.  He found her in the closet organizer, tail up, snoring hard.  John came in a minute later, staring over his son's shoulder.  "They got it from their mother," he said quietly.  He heard a meow.  "Go back to sleep, kitten."  He petted her.  "Wondering where you were."  He walked off shaking his head.

John gave the cat a confused look.  "I didn't know cats slept upside down like that."  He walked off shaking his head.

"Doing their impersonation of their mother?" Tara teased when he came down the stairs.

"Tail up in the shoe organizer in my closet," Dean agreed.  He settled in.  "He got told he's going on a signing trip."

"International again?"

"Canada so he should bring his passport anyway for that crossing," Sam told her.  She beamed and pulled up their old list to make notes for him.  Sam looked.  "There's got to be laundromats on the way, Tara."

She laughed.  "If he remembers.  He brings one bag of signing clothes, one of regular clothes."

"Baggage fees," John reminded her.  "Internally they're still high."

She nodded.  "We can handle that I'm sure."  She went to check his email, getting the list.  "Hmm, all summer.  So he can pack shorts and a few pairs of pants."  She went to figure that out for him.  She could compress it down to one bag and a carry-on  that also had his laptop.  Plus his needed papers.  She came down.  "I can't find his health insurance card."

"That's because they decided he was too high risk," Sam said.  She moaned, shaking her head.  "Thirteen grand a year."

"Damn," she said, then covered her mouth.  "Oops," she said behind her hand.

"That was our feeling too," Dean quipped.  "In less lady-like language too."  She swatted him, going to look up something.  She came out and handed it to him.  "That's  a demon company.  Would they insure him?"

"For a year."  She smirked.  "The local agent is one that owes him tons of kittens."  She gave him an innocent look and strolled off.  "That'll let him have a year to figure things out."  She left.

"If I ever get to settle down I hope my wife and Tara get along," Sam said.

Dean nodded.  "Yeah, she's a good friend to have."  He counted tails.  "Homer?" he called.  He went to get him off the elevator, bringing him back upstairs.  "I don't care if the warehouse does have mice," he told it as he walked off.  "No hunting in the warehouse without human permission."  The cat meowed at him, looking pitiful.  "You do that nearly as well as Sammy does," he said with a smirk.  "But you don't have the same power of puppy eyes.  Even kitty eyes aren't as good as his."  He handed him over.  "Here, tell him how to beg properly."  Sam swatted him.  Dean smirked.  "It's the truth!"

John shook his head.  "You two drive me nuts, you know that, right?"  They smirked and nodded at him.  He sighed.  "Fine."  He went to look in the freezer.  "There's....  looks like some freezer burned fish."

"That was from an event and it was bad," Sam told him.

John tossed that out.  "Two really freezer burned steaks."

"Ditto," Dean said.  They got tossed too.  John moved to the fridge to clean out the vegetables that were well beyond mushy and all the way to slimy and/or growing things.  Sam got up to do the cabinets.  They sent Xander an email saying he needed groceries.  He sent back a web address.  John snorted.  "No, we can grocery shop," he said, sending that back.  Xander sent him where the wallet stash was.  He got some money and took the boys grocery shopping.

"Cat food," Sam said.  "He's nearly out."  He pointed.  "He gets it from there."  They went in there to get the spoiled furry things food and then to the grocery store to get real people food.  Which was less expensive when you didn't let the stockboys pick it for you.  It meant you could find deals and sales.  They got back and found Xander dancing around with a meowing, fussing cat.  "Homer sneak out again?" Sam quipped, taking the cat to pet.

"Yup.  I found him in the elevator so we danced back in here."  He patted his cat.  Homer was glaring at him.  "You're not allowed on the elevator, cat.  Tough shit.  Deal with it."  He moved to help put up groceries.  "Why did you buy meat?"

"Because you were out," John said dryly.  He showed him the fridge.  "See, all the bad things got tossed out.  That way you don't get food poisoning and have to postpone your trip."

"John, with the way my mother cooked, I can pretty well eat toxic things.  Hell, I used to lick rat traps," he said dryly.  "My mother thought that was adorable of me."  John shuddered.

"We're not as indestructible, Xander," Dean quipped.  "We need real people food."   Xander rolled his eyes but nodded.

"It cost less than sixty bucks," John told him, handing him the receipts.  "Including the really expensive cat food Sam said you buy."

"Usually I'm so immersed I just do an online order and let them deliver."

"That's not good for you.  You need to get away from the computer more, not less, kid."

He shrugged.  "Tara always grocery shopped.  She complained I got too many bags of candy and not enough vegetables since I didn't like them like she did."  He walked off.  "Thanks, guys."

"Welcome," Dean and Sam quipped.  They were being pounced by the cats.

Dean looked at the one that had claimed him.  "I didn't abandon you."

"They're used to Xander being home all day," Sam pointed out.  "The last time he left and came back, they did the same thing."  Xander nodded.  "Ah!  No going to write."

"But I got the next fight scene," he complained, going to do it.  "That way they can wrap up the apocalypse battle and then the prince and heir can take over.  I hope."

"You have until dinner," John ordered.  "We're going to make you do normal guy things."  Xander nodded, settling into his desk chair to get back to work.  "Do other authors do that?" he asked quietly.

"Castle doesn't that we've seen," Dean told him.

"Rick's doesn't have muses.  He pulls his out of real life.  Mine comes from the ethereal voices of doom," Xander called.

John nodded.  "You know, they make medicine for that."

"Yay.  The muses would hate it and then I'd have to get a real job, John."

"Good point.  At least this problem of yours pays well."  Xander stuck his tongue out at him.   "Do other fantasy authors do this?"

"They tend to set office hours and stick to them.  I write about ten hours a day.  Half the time I'm proofreading or playing solitaire to let my wrists quit cramping."

John nodded.  "They make people who can fix that wrist problem for you."

"It's not carpal tunnel.  It's cramping higher up my forearms that does the same thing but not for the same reason.  I've already talked to my doc and she said massages help that.  I have a massage wand somewhere in the storage closet but I keep forgetting to pull it out and check it over."

Sam went to look at that.  "Broken," he called.

"Damn."  Xander found something online and ordered it then got back to work.  "One'll be here in two days."  He got back to it.  "I can't bring that with me, can I?"

"They might want to search your bags if you did," John admitted.  He went back to make dinner.  His boys had learned how to make decent enough meals but Xander either hardly ever cooked or never cooked real food.  There was a whole cabinet of junk food.  "Xander, what was the last meal you cooked?" John called.

"Shrimp and pasta," he called back.

John nodded that was fine.  "No vegetables?"

"I can't stand most of them so no."

"Are you really that picky of an eater?" Dean demanded, staring at him.

"Yes.  The only time I've gotten food poisoning it was from mixed vegetables.  Therefore I don't eat them."  They all nodded they got that.  "I eat potatoes, I eat corn rarely if it's still on the cob.  I eat broccoli now and then.  I'm okay with that.  Even when Tara does try to make me eat salads."

"She packed for you too," Sam said with a grin.

"Cool!  Two bags?"

"One bag."  He handed over that note.  "She said he owes you kittens?"

"I talked to him.  Even with the poker debt it won't cover anything but ER visits.  So if I get attacked again I'm screwed."  He put it aside.  "I'll talk to him again later."  He went back to crafting the battle scene.  "I write sucky fight scenes," he decided.

Sam patted him on the shoulder.  "You need to have more action."  Xander nodded, letting Sam help him.  He could think it but didn't know how to describe it.  Which had been a problem for a while for him.  Dean came in to help with that too.  That way Xander wouldn't realize their father had grated some carrots and zucchini into the meatballs for dinner.  He had learned to do that to them when Dean's hatred of vegetables had appeared.

***

Xander smiled at the bodyguard people Paula had arranged for him to meet with.  There were three different companies offering.  "Hi, guys.  I'm Xander."  They smiled and shook his hands.  "First, there's some things that I can't tell you.  Homeland Security says so."  That got a short nod.  "But I can tell you last year a few demons decided to try to infect me with a version of their plague.  I spent some time in the hospital for it.  Which is one of the main reasons why I'm supposed to have a bodyguard.  Though I don't mind," he assured them with a grin.  "I need someone to talk to.  I tend to think while I babble.  It helps me calm down."

One of them coughed.   "How wanted would that plague be, Mr. Harris?"

"Homeland has locked all my blood test results."

He nodded.  "So you need someone who can truly make sure no one snatches you?"

"Not all that often.  Now and then I'm attacked.  There's fundies that hate me being a fantasy writer, some hunters who still hate me, and now and then a few demons might try something, though I'm fully able to deal with that issue myself."  That got a nod.  "That and I date evil things.  I have no idea why I draw agents who have been undercover a bit too long, some that went a bit over the line a few times, a few political assassins."  They all moaned, shaking their heads.

Xander shrugged.  "That's who's drawn to me.  I have no idea why.  It's kinda nice though.  Usually they don't want to kill me anymore.  Haven't since graduation from high school actually."  He blinked a few times and grinned.  "I need someone who's able to remind me that I have to be somewhere, can block some of the bad things but if they're nice enough we can go have dinner?  And, you know, keep the fundamentalists off me?"

"We looked up your last trip," one told him.  Xander nodded.  "Who shot at you and are they still a problem?"

"The Watchers Council would dearly love me killed but they can't do it.  See, I kinda inherited a warehouse that has mystical artifacts and if they take me out, then the person who inherits it from me is going to use it to kill them."  He grinned.  "So they're not interfering.  Them or Wolfram and Hart.  I'm do-not-touch to them at the moment because I nearly destroyed them the last time, after that demon plague thing."

"Who was guarding you after that one incident?"

"Two guys that work with the SGC."  He grinned.  "John and Rodney were great.  John escorted me places while Rodney was trying to get some memories I picked up on a trip thanks to Rosenburg out of my head safely.  They let me babble about what we were visiting and the nice people, and kept me from dating anything too evil.  But they're kinda busy and I wouldn't ask for that sort of favor.  General O'Neill suggested two of your companies I think."

They nodded.  "I know Jack," one said with a smile.  "I used to be SGC."  Xander beamed at him.   "How often do you get pounced?"

"By fans?  I don't mind."  He shook his head.  "Fundamentalists who want to scream at me or beat me for being a good fantasy writer, I mind."  They nodded.  "The same as I play kitten poker a lot with the demon underground.  It keeps me in the loop of the bad things coming and helps me get pretty new weapons that Detective Beckett claims I can't have until there's a battle."  He leaned on the table.  "Now, I have gotten a few bitchy comments recently from reporters because I'm suing one of their sources for his butthole speaking without his brain's permission.  And they're not real pleased that I'm kinda unhappy with them for trying to trash my rep for four months and no one mentioned a word to anyone I know."

"We saw how you countered that," the other one said.  Xander nodded.  "You're suing them?"

"Two of the reporters and the 'source' that they went to.  And Willow.  But I'm getting her in the demon courts.  I'm not going to be mean to her daughter or husband.  Some demons really hate that too but they're just usually pouty toward me because they know I could've went to kick some ass and didn't."

"How trained are you?" one asked.

"According to which source?  And in what way?" Xander countered.  "I can beat off a mugging.  I usually have a pretty good idea of what I can handle and what I should run away from.  When someone tried to shoot me in New York, I ran instead of ducking and then attacking."  They nodded.  "That was before the Watchers Council got their shit together though.  I've been pretty threat free for a while.  Nearly six months.  Only the two hate groups.  And one anti-gay church that seems to like me as a pinup.  They keep sticking my picture on a hay doll and burning it at the stake.  Last month I sent them popcorn for their next cheery bonfire and thanked them for buying all those books they burned."  He grinned.  "I thought it was very nice of them."

The one that was former SGC laughed, nodding.  "That's about how you have to deal with people like that.  Sheppard and McKay got along well with you?"

"We didn't have any problems after John got pissed off that I handled my own stitches that time.  Then Doctor Lam pounced with Vala."  The guy shuddered.  "I like Vala.  She reminds me of my last girlfriend, Anya.  Very blunt with a strong mind."  He beamed.  "Oh!  Anya came out to yell at the stupid church again.  They were shouting something near where she's a nun and she came out to tell them exactly why I was gay and how it was better for me since she had been my ex and who she used to be.  A few ran from her.  She was so happy.  Even if she did have to do penance for letting her temper come out."  He grinned.

"What's your daily schedule like?" one of them asked.

"At home?"  They nodded.  "Get up, get soda, sit and watch tv with the cats until the muses wake up from the caffeine, then go write until I'm starving and then eat."  He shrugged.  "I'm kinda boring most of the time really unless I have a date planned or there's something Paula said I had to go to."

"You're how old?" the former SGC member asked.

"Twenty-five in another four days."

"Happy birthday."

Xander grinned.  "I never expected to make it this far so thank you."

"While you're gone are there any known apocalypses or battles coming up?" he asked.

Xander texted someone, getting an answer back.  "One in Lisbon, but I think that's in Europe so the Council would handle it."  He texted someone else.  "Faith said not in any city in the US that she's heard and she asked because I bragged about the trip."  He put his phone up.  "Though the stop in LA may be ...tense with the team out there."

"Good to know," they agreed.

"Do you drive?" one asked.

"I do drive, I know we're flying though.  I can drive, yes.  I like to drive.  If whoever wants to drive though I'm fine with that.  It gives me more time to look at stuff."  That got a nod.  "I'm real realistic.  I'm a plain-spoken, former construction worker for the most part.  I'm a southern California boy who only body surfs, not regular surfs.  I have a horrible diet according to John Winchester, which is why he's sneaking vegetables on me again."  They smiled.  "Mostly they're there to keep me out of trouble, keep the truly evil from pouncing me, and for someone to talk to.  If they can also keep a schedule it'd be really great."

"Do you mind former military guys?" the former SGC member asked.

"No.  As long as they're not assholes I don't care."  He grinned.  "I can't see the 'grunt and point' sort of soldier liking my fans very much."  He shifted.  "John was very much like traveling with a friend but he kept track of things for me.  And he helped when we ran into a woman in labor in Germany.  He even sparred with me a few times.  Rodney and I talked.  Rodney realized if he told me something I learned it but from books I'm hopeless; he wanted to bomb my former school.  Too bad we did to blow up the mayor in it."  He let the frown clear up.  "I'd like them to be more like John did than the Secret Service guys if that makes sense.  The 'hey, Xander, let's go visit the native pubs and restaurants' not the 'no, we can't go anywhere tonight, there's bad girls in the lobby casing someone else'."

"We can see how that'd be helpful," they said after looking at each other.  They smiled.

"We'll pull up some individuals so you can interview.  It will be an interview both ways," the former SGC member told him.

"Okay.  And don't listen to Jack about the guy on the plane?" he begged.

That one stared at him.  "That was you?  Jack swore about that for *days*, kid."

Xander nodded.  "It needed to be done and I had the chance."

He nodded.  "We'll find you someone to do that for you."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "What about around town?"

"No one here really wants to kill me outside a few churches that think I draw the demons into town.  And maybe an ex shows up now and then."  He shrugged.   "Beckett has that file.  She knows I'm getting a bodyguard for the trip so I'm sure she'd expect someone to ask."  He sat up.  "Oh!  And we saw Agent Larabee out of the ATF in Denver a few months back.  Someone was being vindictive and tried to get him to confiscate the babies that Beckett already took.  So he can be an independent source of intel too."  They smiled and nodded.  "Thanks, guys.  I don't want to be paranoid but ...  Even if I was totally against it, Homeland said I had to have one this time too."  They nodded and he shook their hands before leaving.

"He does remind me of Jack O'Neill," that one said.  The others snorted but nodded.  "I'll see you guys in three days to hold interviews?"  They nodded it was fine and went to do a deeper background check on the boy.  He went to talk to Jack.  O'Neill had a good sense of people after talking to them.  Plus he could get a report from Sheppard and McKay faster that way.

***

Xander looked at the two possible bodyguards, then at the single company rep.  "They couldn't?" he asked the guy that had been SGC in the past.

"Their people didn't think you needed someone with their skills."

"Huh."  He nodded, looking at the two.  "Truth, guys, I'm a bit weird.  You're there to keep anyone too bad off me, make sure I eat and get to things, and let me babble at you mostly."  They both snorted.  "That does come with two churchly death threats, every now and then something higher wants to kill me, and I tend to date the darker side of nice people."

"We were briefed, sir," one said.  "Where are you going?"

"Around the US, twice into Canada, and we're flying if that's going to bother you."  They both shook their heads.  Xander let them see the itinerary.  "I know I got spoiled by my last one.  It was like traveling with a friend."  They both smirked.  He shrugged.  "I know I'm a bit goofy and fun loving.  Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you that.  Maybe even the two bitches."

"LA is going to be a tense spot?" the one on the left asked.  He was a tall, fit, tanned white boy who screamed 'midwest farm boy' and had floppy medium brown hair getting into his hazel eyes.  The other was taller, African-American, and bald.  Very muscled, looked a lot more serious.  Looked tough.  Wearing casual BDU's and a t-shirt.  The other was in jeans and a button-up shirt.

"I'm figuring if they show up, there's going to be screaming when I at least pull their hair out by the handful.  And if I run into Willow it's possible I'm going to kill her ass.  You can pull me off her.  I adore her husband and daughter so I wouldn't want to do that to them."  They smirked again.  "Seriously, it's probably not going to be too difficult of a job.  I'm a nice guy until we're attacked.  And I'll jump in if we are attacked."  They both nodded they knew that.  "I'm not expecting any battles, any pouncing outside maybe picking up a new one-night stand, and I'm pretty open about that.  Speaking of, if you guys know someone, please introduce me.  Everyone's throwing fits that three of my last five ex's are up on felony charges."  The black guy laughed, shaking his head.  "Not my fault!  Barry decided to kill terrorists the wrong way and the other two were just being mean and showing off.  They were having a *duel*," he said dryly.  "Over who was going to kill Willow."

"So you really do date bad guys?" the white boy asked.

"Not on purpose but that's all that're drawn to me.  At least they don't want to kill me anymore, ya know?"

"I know someone who dates a lot like you, kid."

"Is he single?" Xander asked.  "Because I'm picky but not that way."

"He might be.  I'll check."  He grinned, looking at the other guy.  He handed over the dossier he had.  "His past dates from LA."  The guy read it and moaned.  "Marines?" he asked him.  That got a nod.  "I was Army."  He looked at the kid.

"I got possessed by someone's spirit on halloween, he was army," Xander offered with a grin.  That got a dual head shake and one from the guy in charge.  "Can I babble at you guys?  Treat you like we're just on tour and sightseeing?"  They nodded.  "Good.  Do you think you can handle things all the time?  I don't know how that works.  Even those two switched off now and then when John had to go groan in the bathroom because I flirted and drew someone dangerous."

"We can arrange that," the head guy decided.  That got a nod.  "How would you feel if one's wife and child showed up for a weekend?"

"We have a planned stop at the cabin," Xander said with a point.  "I own it.  It has guest rooms and you guys can easily go snuggle.  Or if we're at the hotel and you think it's safe, just let me know you're getting wifely snuggles and I'll order room service.  And then fight off the waiter."  They grinned.  "As for kids, I don't mind kids.  I've watched Rosenburg's daughter Olivia a few times.  I adore Olivia.  She might even make me adopt some year."

"What's the main reason that no one can tell us about?" the black guy asked.

"You mean like the stuff Homeland said I can't mention?" Xander asked, grimacing some.  The head guy nodded.  "There's more than the demon plague that they tried to get me to carry around New York City last year, yeah."

"I had a service hacker I know get into those files," the black guy said.  "It's not pretty."

"No, it's not."

"Can it be cooked down?"

"Yes, but that's why it's sealed and I hope like hell no one else is telepathic around him?"

"No, he forgot it and did not tell a soul.  I trust him."  Xander nodded with a grin.  He looked at the other one.  "Some of his dates, we will need to frisk for needles."

"I figured it was worse than what was stated."  He leaned over to whisper something and he shuddered.  "Damn."

"The things that happen when you fall into a grave," Xander said dryly.  They both shuddered.  So did the head guy.  Xander grinned at him.  "Did Jack tell you how we met?"

"Yup, and about that alternate him, sir.  He thinks they're still insane."

"You know, I'm not real sure.  They weren't when I was there."

"If it came down to saving your friends or Olivia, which is it?" the black guy asked him.

Xander considered it.  "That's a situation I hope never to be in.  I'd feel torn.  Olivia could go to Tara.  Or there's hunters I could ask for help.  Including Faith.  I'd be kicking my own ass no matter which way it went.  To be honest, Faith would probably try to keep me with the baby instead if it was that bad because she could ask John and his sons to step in and help.  I'd give them the artillery Beckett keeps confiscating but if it was something that was threatening Olivia mundanely I'd definitely have to help.  Tara hates guns.  John and his sons could handle most anything but I'm not sure they could handle Olivia pouting at them.  I know I can't."  That got a grin.  "Sorry, that's one of those worst case scenarios."

"I get that," he agreed.  The other one nodded.  "So?" he asked him.

"I...  I'll be the backup.  In truth, my nerves would be shot with screaming fans like some rock stars get."

Xander shook his head quickly.  "I don't get those.  I'm not a rock star.  I get geek fans."

He grinned.  "I'll be the backup and switch out with Pooch whenever he needs a day off, Xander."

"Okay, I can accept that."  He shook his hand then the other guy's.  "I'm heading home after this.  Did you want to check anything at the house for what I've packed?  Tara probably didn't pack any weapons since we're flying the normal way."

"There's ways around that."

"I know.  I FedEx my weapons all the time."  He grinned.  Pooch laughed and nodded.  "Tara mostly packed good shorts and pants, a few goofy t-shirts, and sneakers.  They all know I'm a geek."  That got a nod.  "We're trying hard not to incur the wrath of the baggage fees."

"You could ship that ahead too."

"Sometimes that takes more than a day," Xander admitted.  "Which would suck.  I've got a carry-on with two changes of clothes, one good and one casual, and my laptop plus the stuff I'll need on the plane."

"Medical needs I should hear?"

"My insurance is really skimpy.  They decided me being a writer was too high risk," he said with a wince.  "So I'm making due until I can find something."

"Good to know.  No food allergies, drug allergies?"  A folder was handed over.  "Huh.  The pretty doctors treated you?"

"Yeah, Doctor Lam got to go gushy over all the stuff in my blood last year.  I like her, she's a nice lady.  I need to send her chocolates or something."

"She said you sent her fifty pounds for her birthday, Xander," the guy in charge said.

Xander grinned.  "Because she made me better.  She still deserves it.  Hell, she bullied her way into fixing my rib when it was broken."

"I heard.  He was chopping wood with a broken rib because his friends had pissed him off," he told his guys.  They both winced.  "Exactly."

"That's how I met Jack O'Neill.  He got all sorts of paranoid when I moved into the cabin next to his."  He grinned.  "Now it's in Michigan."

Pooch nodded.  "That's not a bad area."  He smiled.  "If we run into serious problems...."

"I'll drop back from goofy author to hellmouth backup to the slayer mode," Xander said dryly.  "I do it often enough whenever someone tries to mug me.  I got asked to be nicer to the poor muggers on the subway the other day."  He sat down.  The three military guys were laughing.  "Seriously.  One ran off the back of the train and onto the tracks to get away from me.  But I was kinda sleepy and in a bad mood."

"I want to do a DNA test, make sure you're not related to someone I know," Pooch said dryly.  He handed back the folder.  "We can handle it."  Xander beamed.  They signed paperwork and got Paula involved.  She agreed it was a good idea and warned him that things happened around Xander, like babies being born in an alley.  Xander shrugged at that mention.  She handed over the official itinerary.  It had another stop on it but that was for a convention and Xander loved conventions.  So he didn't mind.

"You guys aren't allergic to cats, right?" Xander asked before he left.  "Because I know I can lint roll forever and still have cat fur."  They shook their heads.   Xander beamed.  "That's so cool.  I'll see you guys in a few weeks."  He bounced off to have lunch.

"Eat real food, not sugar," Paula ordered.  "And go over that proofreading."

"Yes, mistress."

She huffed.  "I love the boy," she told them.  "Even when he does frustrate me to no end.  I will kill you in an extremely messy way if you let my author be hurt.  Am I clear?"  They nodded and smiled.  "Don't discount those of us behind the desk.  I know over a hundred uses for a stapler and I have creative people I can ask for more ideas."  She left them alone.

Pooch looked at his boss.  "You weren't kidding, the kid is like his son."

"Yup.  And draws the same sort of evil bitches."  He shrugged.  "Have fun, guys."  They left together, going back to the office.

TBC...

Chapter 24: Olivia!

Something very bad happens in LA.

Xander looked up from signing something at the convention when a sudden hush went through the babble.  He spotted the problem as he stood up.  There went his happy, goofy, fun mood.  "Clem," he said, staring at him and what was in his arms.  "Why is Olivia covered in blood?"  He was going to stay calm.  Absolutely calm.

"There was a flash and it took everyone, Xander," he said, holding out the baby.  "We have no idea what realm her parents are on."

Xander cuddled her.  "Who is left?  Anyone?"  Clem shook his head.  "All right, tell the ones left in Sunnydale, including Spike, that I have Olivia and I want info tonight.  I'll call the Winchesters and Tara."

"I called Tara.  She said to give you Olivia until she could get here and then they'd figure it out."  He petted her.  "She almost got taken by a furry mutt of a zombie."

Xander grimaced.  "Eww.  I think I knew him."  He shrugged.  "All right."  He looked at her.  "Diaper bag?"

"I didn't even think about grabbing it, Xander.  Sorry."

Xander nodded, hugging the wrinkly demon.  "You did what you could, Clem.  Let me know the minute you hear anything."

"Of course."  He petted the back of the baby's head with his flipper.  "Such a pretty, calm little princess."

Xander smiled.  "Only sometimes.  You should've heard when she had colic."  Clem laughed as he walked off.   He looked at the staring people.  "Guys, I need an hour to get her cleaned up and changed.  Plus to get her some clothes.  Can I do that and come back?"  They all nodded.  "Thanks."  He grabbed his pen and soda, sticking his pen in his mouth.  "One hour," he promised around the pen, smiling at them.  "C'mon, precious.  We'll go take a bath and get all clean," he cooed, walking off.  Pooch joined him within ten feet of the table.  He had been lurking.  "I need clothes and diapers for her," he said once Pooch had taken the pen and put it into his shirt pocket.

"She need a doc?"

"No, she's awake and I can tell well enough, even if it was magical.  Clem's a good guy."  That got a nod and he peeled off for the store run.  Xander got them back to the room.  One of the hotel security guards brought up his phone.  "Thanks, I didn't even think I left that.  Can I get a crib sent up for her?"  He nodded and called that in.  "Thanks.  I'm going to keep it very down low and out back when someone comes in, dude.  I won't let it hurt the convention.  I love my fans."

"Thank you, Mr. Harris," he said quietly, leaving him alone.

Xander looked at Olivia.  "Hey, princess."  She blinked at him.  He smiled.  "It's good you can sleep through nearly anything.  You learned that from your mommy.  She used to sleep through gym class and everything."  He took her into the bathroom to bathe her, giving her the once-over for injuries.  A few finger-shaped bruises on her arms.  One spot where she was missing some hair on the back of her head.  "Shh, let the uncle wash it, make sure it's going to be okay."  Someone knocked and walked in at his yell.

"Can you grab the blue bag out of mine and hand it over?  I can't leave her," he told the hotel person.  He nodded, handing it over.  "Thanks.  Set the crib up wherever.  She's not picky.  I'll tip you in a few."  He nodded, doing that.  Xander dug out the change from his soda for lunch, tipping the kid with it.  "Thanks."  He dug out his special cream and put it on her scalp, earning a fuss.  "I know," he soothed, giving her a hug.  "But it'll make the booboo feel better.  Your mommy made that stuff for me.  Now Auntie Tara does."  Pooch walked in with a bag from Walmart.  "Thanks, man.  Take it from my wallet?"

"I used your backup card."  He held up a towel.  "She ready?"

Xander nodded, lifting her out and undoing the drain plug while Pooch carried her out.  He grabbed his medical kit and came out to look her over.  He called someone.  "Dean, Xander.  Major 911.  The LA team is now missing, transported off realms.  I have Olivia.  She's all that Clem said was left.  Convention.  LA, yeah.  Tara knows.  Thanks, man."  He hung up.  "We'll get some help soon."  He petted her stomach, earning a giggle.  He grinned.  "I know you're ticklish."  He tickled her, making her wiggle and kick but smile.  "Such a good girl, Olivia.  Your daddy would be so proud."  He got her diapered and dressed, sitting down to cuddle her.

He snatched his phone and dialed another number.  "I'm at the convention in LA.  What the fuck!" he shouted.  Someone babbled.  "I do have Olivia.  That doesn't explain things.  That does," he admitted at the new babble.  "Who?"  He nodded once.  "I'll kill the bitches.  Thank you.  Please.  If anyone finds Daniel, especially Daniel, let me know.  Thank you.  Be subtle around the hotel?  Decent."  He hung up and looked at her.  "No one is sure if your daddy is in town or not, princess."  She cooed and put her head down.  He kissed the top of her head, then cuddled her.  "I know, it's been a long day.  You had a zombie try to keep you and your mommy had a war with someone."

"She did?" Pooch asked.

"Apparently some of the coven that works with the Council decided that Willow was still a bad girl."  Pooch moaned.  "So they transported everyone on the team there.  Now, from what I just heard it wasn't the main head of the coven, just a few younger members.  The Watchers have been trying to kill Buffy for years.  This is another moment of that."  Pooch nodded, sitting down.  "They won't come near me.  The warehouse being mine means that they can't.  And if they try to take it from me, it's protected.  Even then they can't hurt the baby.  The coven themselves protected her.  Which is why she's missing some hair but nothing major."  He shifted her to his other shoulder, letting her suck her favorite thumb.  "I know, you're a leftie.  That must come from Daddy too."  He petted her hair back down.  "I'm so going to kill whoever did this."

"Not your job," Pooch reminded him, pointing at the baby.

Xander looked at him.  "Tara will cause an apocalypse," he said quietly.  "She won't mean to.  She'll just destroy them all."  Xander looked at the door when someone knocked firmly.  "Who is it?" he called.

"LAPD."

Pooch got up to answer the door.  "I'm his bodyguard."  He let them in.

"Officer Frank," Xander said.

The guy smiled.  "What happened?"

"Watchers Council convinced some of the younger, stupider members of their coven to send the whole team to another realm."  That got a nod.  "They protected the baby, the highest of the coven did, so she's all right.  Clem, the guy who brought her to me, was in Sunnydale and was a good friend back then."

"Okay.  What happened between that and when he got here?  She was covered in blood?"

Xander nodded.  "I got told a zombie we knew tried to claim her as his daughter to raise.  That way he could take her power and make himself human again.  Clem appropriately killed his ass."  They nodded.  "But he got her messy.  Clem's not a warrior, guys.  He's just a really nice guy who loves kitten poker."

"We won't bother him.  Is she injured?"

"It yanked some hair.  The zombie bruised her arms."  He shrugged.  "I've already alerted the ones who could help.  Tara's on her way out.  Oh, remember the dirtbag stalker?"  The officer nodded with a smile.  "He's in witness protection.  He's already tried to get me in New York."

"Charming."  He petted the baby on the head.  "Such a pretty girl."

"Yeah, even if her mommy is addicted to her powers, Olivia's a good girl."  He grinned.  "Thank you for checking."

"Things like this we want to know.  Will it cause a problem among the demons?"

"There's going to be some panicking.  Some may even worry that I'm going to destroy a good bit of them.  I probably won't tonight."  He grinned.  "Unless they start something."

"Good.  Thank you."  He stood up.  "Let me make a report.  How long are you here for?"

Pooch looked at the schedule.  "We leave tomorrow afternoon for Portland."

"Crap," Xander muttered.  "We're putting out the newest book that day too.  So I might have to fly up and then come back."  That got a nod.  "By her will, Olivia comes to me or Tara anyway, Officer Frank.  And you can tell any nosy social services person she'll be vanished into thin air before she goes into the system.  Please?"

"I can do that.  It'd protect her more."

"So would me going to blow up a few buildings in England."  He smiled and grabbed his phone to call someone.  "It's Xander Harris," he said in greeting.  "Put your head puss sucker on please."  He put it on speaker.

"Mr. Harris, who do you think...." the secretary started.

"I already know that someone in your ancient organization of idiocy had the Devon Coven relocate the whole LA team to another realm."  She gasped.  "I'm here in LA at the moment doing author things.  Imagine my surprise when the baby is brought to me," he said dryly.  "Now, imagine what'll happen when I call in all my poker credits."

"Mr. Travers did not," she told him.

"I don't give a fuck," he said bluntly.  "Put him on the damn phone.  Even if he's fucking someone."

"No, he's doing paperwork.  Hold please."  It was a semi-long hold but then a male voice came onto the phone.  "Harris?"

"Yup, me, Travers.  So, was it you or someone lower?"

"What happened exactly?"

"Some of the young and stupid in the Devon coven sent the whole LA team off-realm by what I've been told.  I'm hoping they missed Joyce since she has chemo twice a week right now."

"That was not our doing."

"That's funny, the witch someone captured to ask said it was."

"Oh, dear," Travers sighed.  "The baby?  I know they were protecting her."  Xander poked Oliva and she giggled.  "Thank God," he muttered.  "That was not our doing, Harris.  Are you moving Lehane out from New York?  You're basically her watcher, even though we do loathe you."

"She's on her way with the Winchesters and Tara."

"I'll find who did it and hand them to Miss Maclay.  Or the Winchester family.  Let me see if the higher ups can undo it."

"They may have some of her hair there.  So they can track her protections."

"That will help."

"Willow had to undo a lot of her magic again as well," Xander said dryly.

"We heard.  Was it fun?"

Xander snorted.  "Not like it was my first orgy, Travers."

"I don't need to know."  He hung up.

Xander leaned his head back and tossed the phone back onto the bed.  "Okay," he said, looking at the officers.

"You're good for now, Harris.  You'll need a carseat for her for traveling."

"And something to knock her out.  She hates flying."  The officers nodded and left.  Xander tipped his head back, then kissed her on the head.  "It's been a long few hours, princess.  Want to come help Uncle Xander sign books?"  She blinked up at him.  "You can.  You're very brilliant and some day you'll be the best reader ever," he assured her.  She patted him with a grin.  "I know, Willow and Daniel read to you all the time.  We'll read in a few minutes.  Uncle Xander has to proofread something anyway."  He stood up, checking himself over.  "Pen?"  It was handed over.

Xander put his soda into his pocket, his wallet back, and shifted her some.  "C'mon, we'll go stare at the nice fans."  He walked out, Pooch following.  His mind was screaming in rage but he had promised and he needed to get back to his fans.  A few were still waiting around.  He smiled as he sat down.  "Say hi, Olivia?"  She cooed and waved.  "Such a smart girl!"  He hugged her and smiled.  "She's okay.  People are coming to handle the emergency."  He looked at Pooch.  "Did you get my phone?"  He nodded, holding it up.  "Cool.  If they call back, swear in my place."  He smiled at the first fan in line.  "Hi.  Sorry about the wait."

"It's all right.  She's more important.  Is she okay?"

"She's fine.  She can sleep through nearly anything, like her mommy used to in gym class."  The fan smiled and laughed a bit.  "We're all clean and the one booboo was creamed with stuff so she's fine."  He took the book and shifted Olivia to his other knee to sign it.  He grinned.  "What's your name?"

"It's for Edith."

Xander signed that and grinned, handing it back.  "I hope the rest of the convention is less wild in the bad ways and more in the good."  She walked off happier.  The next few stepped forward.  "Don't worry, Olivia won't eat anyone.  She'd think they taste like carrots and she hates carrots."  They all smiled and relaxed again.  He saw one looking very scared.  "It's not an apocalypse.  I promise.  It was a stupid person with ideas of being Buffy.  He's very sorry."

She relaxed and he signed her book.  "I've played poker with him," he said, pointing at another book.  "Rick Castle introduced us."  She beamed at him and walked off happier.  More of his fans came back but without the line like earlier.  They were slowly trickling back.  Olivia smiled and waved at each one, and most smiled back.  She pouted at one until they patted her on the head.  So it was a good thing.

***

Tara got everyone to the hotel in a flash of light.  She smiled.  "See, faster."  She walked off.  "Where's Alexian Harris hiding?" she asked a fan.

"He and the baby are signing autographs near the caf, Miss Maclay."

Tara smiled.  "Thank you."  She walked that way.

Dean nodded.  "Thanks, dude."  He followed.  John and Sam followed her.  Beth was watching the cats with Alexis.  He popped his neck, spotting someone lurking.  He walked over.  "Clem."

"Dean!" he said, looking relieved.  "Xander's in an awful temper but he's being so good to Olivia.  I was making sure she was all right."

Tara smiled at him.  "Everyone loves Olivia, Clem.  Neither of us would mind."  He relaxed and nodded, smiling at her.  "Is she okay?"  He nodded.  "Good.  Go calm down.  We're here to help."  He nodded and left the hotel.  She took Dean's arm.  "It's good that Travers told us who did it before I went to destroy them all for it."

He grinned at her.  "I'm glad I didn't have to try to stop you, Tara.  You'd look really bad being spanked."  She pinched him, making him laugh.  "You would.  We know you're generally the nicest and goodest witch around so we wouldn't hurt you too much."  He heard the squeal and looked.  "Hey," he said with a grin and a nod for the teenage girl who had spotted them.

"Ohmygod, you're Dean Winchester!" she squealed, bouncing.

"I am," he agreed with a grin.  "Dad and Sammy are behind me."

"Ooooh!"  She bounced faster.  "Sign my chest?  Please!" she begged.

"Sure, I guess."  He signed his name, making sure the line was broken so it couldn't be used b a demon if someone got it off her.  She went pink and kissed him on the cheek then rushed back to gush at Sam and John.  Sam ended up signing her arm.  Dean looked at Tara.  "We have fans."

"Xander loves his fans."  She heard the baby babbling and looked, smiling at her.  "There's my favorite niece."  She took Olivia to cuddle.  "Did Uncle Xander wash you in irish spring?"  Xander nodded, signing a book for someone with a grin.  She rolled her eyes.  "That's not a girlish scent at all.  We'll have to get you some soap."  The baby patted her lips.  She kissed the fingers, earning a giggle.  "You're my favorite baby, Oliva."

She settled in beside Xander.  The fans all smiled.  "I kept Willow's magic from coming out during the birth," she said proudly.  "That way she didn't brain the nurse for not giving her enough drugs."  They laughed and the last few got signed.  Xander paused and looked around.  One more came over and he signed her book.  She beamed and took a kiss before bouncing off.  Xander cleaned up his mess and took them up to his room.  Tara sat down in the chair, settling the baby in her lap.  She was staring at John.

John squatted down.  "Is she healthy?  I took plenty of field medic classes."

"A zombie gave her some arm bruises.  She's missing some hair," Xander said.  "I already put stuff on it.  Which she hated."

"So do I, it stings," Sam said.  He took Olivia, letting his father stand up.  "You've got raspberry marks," he said with a grin.

"Pooch got us a raspberry cookie bar to share," Xander said with a grin.

"We'll find her a better dinner," Tara said.  "And you."  He grinned back.  "Let me and Sam go to the Hyperion to look it over."  Xander nodded.  "Can you handle her?"

"I'm an accomplished Olivia sitter, Tara," he reminded her.  "I've sat her more than you have."

"Fine.  Just making sure you weren't going to write."  Xander shook his head.  "Or go play poker for information."  He shook his head again.  "Good."  She smiled and kissed the baby on the head.  "Let me see if I can find your mommy and aunties."

"And daddy," Xander added.  Tara moaned.  Xander nodded.  "Whatever happened, he was at work and the whole bar got blinded by the flash when he was taken.  His boss swore a lot about the dropped mug of Killian's I'm told."

"Dirt."  Tara nodded and took Sam with her.  Dean and John got to work warding the room.  Xander had done some but Olivia would need more of them.

Pooch watched.  "Can you teach me that?" he asked.

John nodded.  "Definitely."  He smiled.  "Have a baby?"

"Son.  Just about to crawl."  He smiled.  "They're showing up at the cabin for a weekend."

"That's fine.  We've spent the night at the cabin and did a lot of wards around it."  Xander beamed at him.  "The security system?"

"Yeah, and it took pictures.  Thank you for the pretty door decorations as well."  John looked confused.  "The back door has Native American protections drawn on it."

"Huh.  I didn't know that."  Xander nodded.  "But then again, two hunters have stopped in there to bandage and clean up after running into that thing at that old convent."

"It's name is Homer.  We had a talk.  He's really lonely and doesn't understand why people keep attacking him."  John shook his head, rubbing his forehead.  Dean grinned at him.  "Sometimes it's handy being able to talk to spirits."  Olivia patted him.  "What's up, princess?"  He smiled at her.  She patted him again so he kissed her fingers.  "Nap?"  She pouted.  "Book?"  She beamed.  He settled down to proofread with her.  Pooch had the other bed in the room.  Dean and John went to get themselves and Sam one, and Tara one.

"Sounds odd," Pooch told him.

Xander went back over the sentence, changing it around.  Olivia was staring at him.  He grinned.  "We'll work it out.  Rick said I need better grammar anyway."  She laughed.  He cuddled and read some more to her.

Pooch shook his head.  She was too young to understand but the book sounded different.  He wasn't much into fantasy novels.  Xander tossed him one.  "Thanks, kid."

"Rick wanted me to do a review thingy on the back.  He had to talk me through it."  He grinned.  "So I got a free copy."  He went back to reading.

***

Xander came off the plane in Portland, Pooch right behind him.  He put on his sunglasses.  "I smell lights."  Pooch moaned.  He walked off, Olivia in her new stomach carrier.  Sure enough, flashbulbs went off.  "Guys, let's not blind the baby?" he asked dryly, pushing down her hat to shield her eyes.  "That's really bright," he told one, making her move the lights on top of her camera.  "What's up?"

"Was that an attack?" the one with the camera asked.

"We have found out that the member of the Watchers Council who did it was not authorized.  They turned him over to Tara and John Winchester to handle his punishment.  He hated Buffy, hated that Willow helped her, and if he could have he would've gotten me too.  As of this moment, LA is being covered by some of the Winchester type of hunters.  New York's slayer is back in New York with Tara as of about an hour ago."  They nodded.  "LA is fully covered in case something happens.  It's a few that're switching out as they get free so the whole town's covered.  So even if someone decides to pull something stupid, they won't manage it."  He smiled.  "Relax, it wasn't an apocalypse by any means.  It was a jealous asshole."

"Why was he jealous?" another reporter asked, staring at him.

"Apparently his niece is a slayer but she is being raised by the Council.  Buffy was the first that they recorded having friends who helped.  The Council hated that approach, even though we proved it worked.  So they weren't going to allow any of their trained ones to do the same sort of thing.  He was jealous on her behalf.  And she's already called to chew him a new one."  He checked on Olivia, but she was snoring.  He grinned at her.  "She can sleep through anything.  Except take offs and landings."  They giggled.  "Anything else, guys?  We've been up all night getting information."

"How soon before we can get them back?"

"Tara's not sure.  She's talked with the rest of the coven out in Devon.  It was a few of their junior members he talked into it. They're seeing if they can pinpoint it.  If we're lucky it'll be days.  If not, it could be years.  There's over seventy billion realms and planes out there."  They moaned.  "They're working on it as hard as they can but it's not an immediate 'undo' command sort of spell.  There's no reverse.  And frankly, if someone tried it they'd probably kill everyone involved.  Which means I'd kill them for it."  He grinned.  "Now, anything else?"  They shook their heads.  "Then have a nice day, people.  I'll be at the bookstore at eight tomorrow."

"Nine," Pooch corrected patiently.

"Okay, nine," he said with a grin.  They smiled and let him go grab their bags.  Olivia's stuff from home had been packed.  Her carseat was checked since she was content to sleep on Xander's lap.  His bag was now full of baby stuff.  His carry-on was a strange briefcase/diaper bag combination.  But he could handle this.  They got to the hotel and checked in.  The check-in girl smiled at Olivia.  The baby had woken up cranky and was scowling.

Xander tipped her face up.  "Be nicer to the nice lady.  It's a hard job.  Uncle Xander did that job for a while."  Olivia pulled up her thumb to suck on.  "Good girl.  We'll have nummies in a bit."  He smiled and took their room keys, letting the valet take the cart of luggage.  Once they got up there, he put her onto the bed and took off the harness.  "How's that?"  She squealed and kicked her feet.  "That's cool."  He checked the carpet then let her crawl.

Pooch watched her, closing the bathroom door before she got a bright idea.  She went to play in the closet.  He checked, nothing on the floor.  He settled on his bed.  "She's a good baby.  Very quiet."

"She has her days but mostly yeah."  He laid down with a sigh.  "Tomorrow's flight to Denver is how long?"

"Few hours."

"Remind me to see if we can upgrade to business or first class?"

Pooch smirked.  "Gladly."  The baby crawled back out, patting his leg on her way past to the window.  She pulled herself up.  "Xander," he said quietly, nodding.

Xander smiled.  "She's walked a few times but she prefers crawling.  We have no idea why."

"So she can walk?"

"Yeah, and run.  She liked to wake Angel up and then run squealing from his room from what Gunn complained about."  Pooch snickered.  The rented crib showed up and he picked her up so they could put it up.  She pouted at the worker.  "It's not nap time yet, Olivia.  That's for later, when we all sleep."  He put her back down and she went back to the window.  He tipped the bellhop and he left with a grin.  Xander flopped back down.  "When the kittens were born and Miss Kitty, their mom, was killed, I spent five weeks bottle feeding them with Tara.  I fell asleep with them in my arms and lap many a night."  Pooch laughed.  "I can't do that with her."

"No, she'll wake you up by pouting at you."  He called his wife, going into the bathroom to get some privacy.  Xander sat up with a moan.  "Stay," he called, closing the door again.

"I was going to order room service.  Be damned if I'm up to taking her to a restaurant."  He looked, no room service menu.  He called the front desk.  "Do we have room service?"  He smiled.  "Thanks."  He hung up and groaned.  "Damn."

Pooch came out.  "No room service?"  Xander shook his head.  "Want me to run out?"  Olivia squealed and pounded on the window.

"Leave the pigeons alone, Olivia," Xander said.  "Even the nastiest of all birds have a place in nature."  He got up and looked out the window.  "There's no restaurants."

Pooch moaned, taking Xander's wallet.  He knew what he'd eat and what the kid would eat and should eat.  John had made sure to remind him that Xander had a bad diet before they left LA.  He came back twenty minutes later with a salad for the baby and one with ham and all sorts of stuff for Xander, who scowled.   "You need to set a good example for her."

"Fine."  They settled down at the tiny table in the corner, and she beamed at them before eating a bite.  Then she scowled.  "Ranch dressing?"  Pooch handed some over.  Xander poured it on and she beamed and ate it.  That helped.  "Your Auntie Buffy gave you funny girl ideas," he said, giving her a hug.  He did eat.  He was starved.  Olivia hadn't wanted to eat breakfast so he hadn't gotten to eat either.

Pooch texted someone and put his phone up.  The kid was insane but good enough with the baby.  They'd handle it.

***

Xander walked into the bookstore the next morning, Olivia was still grumpy but happy enough when people squealed.  She squealed back and waved, making them smile and wave.  "Morning, my fans."  He smiled.  He looked around, going to where the new display was.  He looked then at the crowd.  "Wow, that came out really fast."  They laughed.

He picked up a copy of the first Chocolate Lords book and settled in to read it.  The crowd liked that and so did the baby.  She made happy noises and patted the book.  Everyone smiled at her when he got down to the signing portion.  When someone cleared their throat he smiled.  "Olivia, this is Aunt Martha.  I hang out with her son sometimes," he told the baby.  Olivia smiled and waved.  "Such a brilliant young girl."

Martha smiled.  "You'll spoil her, Xander."

"I have been for years," he quipped, earning a few laughs.  "You came to Portland to see me?"

"Rick insisted."  He smiled and signed her book.  "This is fairly fun."

Xander winked.  "I try really hard to be a fun guy."  She snickered all the way to the seating area she and her son were in.  He was signing a few books of his own.  The fans were very happy that both of them were there today.  Finally everyone was gone and Xander got up, taking Olivia over.  "Let me guess, ET told you?"

"Yup," Rick said, taking her to hold.  "You're a good weight, Olivia."  She smiled and he grinned back.  "You're so adorable."  She cuddled.  "Ah, nap time."

"No, she wants to taste your shirt," Xander said, sitting down and putting up his feet.  "She likes shirts for some reason."  Rick snickered.  "Did Tara have new news she didn't share?"

"Six months at the earliest, probably a year," Martha told him.

"Huh," Xander said, nodding.  "Okay, I can handle that."

"She and Beth are talking," Rick said, looking at him.  "Which is why she sent me."

"I'll share custody with them.  I have no problem with that," Xander promised.  He saw someone stomp in and grab a woman by the hair.  He started to move but Pooch went to teach the idiot better manners for him.  He settled in again.

"You can't do that with a baby around," Rick said.

"Not like she's not used to demons."

"You still can't," Martha said with a smile.  "Are you sure you want to share custody, Xander?"

"Yup.  Olivia's as close as I'll probably ever get.  At least Tara and Beth can do the doctor thing."  Rick nodded.  He handed her back since she was snoring.  "Thank you," he mouthed.  "She is not a morning baby."

"Alexis was the morning baby of the universe.  If it was light out, she was up," Rick said with a smile.  "She used to tell me parking meters were the city's pets."  Xander grinned.  "Are you sure you can handle it?  It'll mean adding some screen doors to the porch, getting some fences to put across the stairs.  Teaching the cats not to lick her too often."

"They all know her.  We've babysat before.  I actually have baby gates and a corral version."  Rick grinned.  "When she had colic only Daniel and I got her to quit crying so Daniel and she spent a week on the couch.  I've watched her other times."  Rick nodded.  "Other than that, Beth doesn't really want kids and Tara's going to be gushy but I have the most open schedule since Beth's starting work next week."  He shifted.  "I've been looking into that talk-and-type software to see if that'll work.  For the most part it does and then I have to edit."  Rick nodded.  "I did the last one that way.  My wrists have arthritis or something starting in them."

"Too much strain from your battle axe," Martha said.  "Which means you'd have to make sure all those were put up as well."

"I try really hard to make sure of it.  Homer likes to chew on the guns."  He grinned.  "One of the other ones managed to step on it just right to fire it into the couch.  I had to get out of the pool to figure out who was trying to kill me this time."

Rick laughed.  "I remember you calling about that and asking if Alexis wanted a cat again."  Xander nodded.  Olivia belched.  "She's loud."

Xander nodded.  "She likes being loud."

Pooch came over.  "Sorry to interrupt but if he doesn't eat soon there's no way we can catch the flight to Denver later."

"Did we check out of the hotel?" Xander asked.  "I don't remember packing anything."

"No, not yet."  Xander nodded and he waved her hand.

"We'll be listening if you need advice," Rick said.

"You came all the way out here to make sure I'd be a good daddy?" Xander asked quietly.

Rick grinned.  "And a meeting with my ex, but yeah."

"Tell her I said hi and about Olivia so she doesn't try to pounce and embarrass Pooch.  He's a married guy."  Martha laughed.  "We'll be at the cabin in a week for the whole weekend."  That got a nod.  "Make sure the cats are being taken care of?"

"They are," Martha assured him.  "Alexis is having vicarious pet ownership feelings."  Xander grinned and got up, following Pooch out.  She sighed, relaxing.  "He's good with her.  Better than you were that first week."

"He babysat, I hadn't really."  She nodded she knew that.  He stretched.  "You know, she's probably here."

"I saw her walk in."  She gave him a look.  "I'm waiting for you to try to make a date with the one that's got your nose up now, Rick."  She got up and went to find another book.

Rick's first ex-wife, and Xander's ex-girlfriend, sat down in Martha's vacant chair.  "He has a daughter?"

"That's Olivia.  She's Willow's but something happened."

"Pity.  He clearly doesn't know how to make her a cute little girl like you did Alexis."

"I'm sure he will.  Just not today because it's been a long night."  She nodded.  "He did want to introduce you."

"I can't handle being a stepmother any more than I could a mother, Rick."  She smiled.  "So, why else did you come out here?"

"Just to check on Xander and you."  He grinned.  She cooed and nearly pounced.   "There's kids," he said firmly.  She nodded and got up, hauling him up and behind her back to the hotel.

Martha shook her head with a sigh.  "Why couldn't my son marry someone I liked?  Or at least tolerated?" she muttered.  Someone cleared their throat.  She smiled.  "Yes, dear?"

"You're Martha Rogers, aren't you?"

"I am.  Are you an actress?"

"I want to be *so* badly," she said quietly.  "But no one understands."

She patted her on the hand and pulled her closer to talk to her.  It was good to mentor the actors of the future.  That way they had a good idea of what it was really like without bursting her bubble.

***

Xander walked into the cabin and sat down with a sigh.  "Oh, thank the Goddess," he moaned.  Pooch laughed.  "I'll get the luggage and stuff when she's asleep."

"I'll get it," Dean said from the kitchen.

Xander looked over his shoulder.  "Hunt or checking on her?"

"Checking on you.  You looked like you haven't been sleeping."

"She doesn't like to," Pooch said.

"Well, we do work at night when we're hunting," Dean said dryly.  Pooch smiled and nodded he knew that.  Dean got the bags and came back.  "She's got three now?"

"Presents, her stuff from at home, and the diaper bag," Xander sighed.  Dean smirked, taking her to cuddle.  "Thank you!"  He laid down on the couch and fell asleep there.

Pooch laughed.  "She's a good little girl.  A bit fussy and very cutesy.  Is my wife...."

"In town, Pooch.  With the baby.  Go.  I've got him and nothing's getting in here short of an angelic messenger."  He nodded and dropped the other bag, heading down to see his wife at the small motel.  Dean looked at her.  "Help me cook, Olivia.  It's time you learned a good thing in life.  Even your uncle can kinda cook."  She cooed and played with his hair.

He grinned.  "You have a very pretty bow.  Did your uncle do that?"  He took her in to show her how to cook steaks.  Xander clearly wasn't eating.  He looked like he had lost weight.  Sam came in with groceries.  "Let him sleep," he mouthed.  Sam nodded, coming in to take the baby to cuddle.  Dean smirked, going back to dinner.  Xander made an inquisitive sounding grunt.  "Sammy has the baby, Xander."  Xander fell back asleep.  She squealed and Xander moaned.

Sam handed her back and helped Xander to his bed then came back to sit down and read to the squealing one.  She liked that.  Though she kept giving him funny looks.  "I know, your daddy has an accent and I don't."  She patted the book, staring at him.  He smiled and turned the page, going back to it.

Dean smiled and took a picture then finished dinner.  He listened but Xander was snoring.  Dean put Xander's in the fridge for now.  They settled in to eat, showing Olivia that she liked carrots when Dean made them.  "Yeah, those are Sammy carrots.  That's the only way he'd eat 'em too.  Because I'm a fantastic uncle I made them for you."  She beamed and ate another bite.  "That's so good."  Xander wandered out.  "It's in the fridge, Xander."  He nodded, finding his plate and putting it into the microwave that was hiding in a cabinet.  Then he sat down.  He saw the look.  "Eat the carrots.  Even Sammy ate those."

Xander sighed but ate some.  Olivia squealed.  He grinned at her.  "Good girl to eat them for Uncle Dean."  She beamed and ate another bite.  "Bib?" he asked hopefully.

"Dude, we learned long ago how to get food stains out of clothes," Dean said dryly.  Xander relaxed and ate.  "After you eat, go back to sleep.  We'll handle little miss squealy one here."  Xander nodded and finished up, giving her a hug on the way to bed.  She pouted.  Dean fed her a bite of meat.  She chewed and looked at it a few times.  He grinned.  "That's steak.  You'll learn to like steaks."  He winked and fed her another bite.  She liked it a whole lot and then Sammy gave her a bath.  She got real loud and happy with him.

Dean grinned.  "Girl's got taste."  He cleaned up their mess.  He watched as she came squealing and crawling past him, a towel over her body.  "That's so cute, Olivia.  Did you escape?"  She headed for the door.  "No, you don't need to play in the mud tonight."  He caught her and handed her back to Sammy, who seemed to be napping.  Dean nudged him, making him jerk awake.  "Did you need a nap?"

"I wasn't tired."

They stared at the baby, who only grinned.  She wiggled so Dean got her in a diaper and let her down again.  She took off running.  "I think she's walking."

"Xander said she could but she hated to," Sam sighed, going to chase her down to put her in jammies.  Which she hated but yay!  He smirked at her.  "I caught you."  She pouted.  "C'mon, let's put on jammies, then we'll sit on the porch."  He picked her up and carried her off, no matter how much she wiggled.  When she knocked Sam out again, Dean caught her and found a marker, drawing some pretty marks on her upper chest.  She pouted but yay!  Dean kicked Sam's ankle to wake him up.  He yawned.  "I think she wants to stay up."

"I guess so."  They got her dressed and sat on the porch, letting her enjoy the night and coo at the trees moving in the wind.  She liked that and when they heard some animals she got very wide-eyed and quiet but stared.  Dean grinned at her.  "You'll learn to like animals.  That's what zoos are for.  I'm sure the uncle will take you to the zoo."  John's truck pulled up and she pouted at him.  "Dad, you're blocking her trees."

"She should be in bed anyway," John said dryly.  He picked her up to hold.  She stared over his shoulder and started to coo again.  They all looked.  It was a forest sprite.  "We're harmless if you are," he told it.  It smiled at the baby.  "She's harmless too."

"I'd hope so at her age," it whispered on the wind then disappeared.

She let out an awesome squeal and pointed, making begging noises.  "You can see it tomorrow," John promised, taking her inside.  "It's getting chilly.  You need to be warm."  She pouted.  He stared at her.  "That doesn't work on me, princess."  He put her down and she fussed.  He stared at her.  "You can stay up tomorrow night.  Sleep."  He put on the nightlight and closed the door most of the way.  Then he went back to the living room.  "He asleep?"

"Yup, nearly slept through dinner," Dean said.  He heard something scratching the door and looked.  "I'm sure your mommy's kitty does that too, Olivia."  He patted his lap.  "Want a story?"  She stared and patted the door.  "No, come get a story."  He patted his lap again.  Sam waved a book.  She pouted and patted the door.  "Story."  She started to sniffle.  Sam got up to pick her up and toss her into the air.  She made a startled squeak and stared at him.  "Did the Sammy-zilla scare you?" he asked, taking her to cuddle.  She pouted at him and pointed.  "No, we're inside for the night.  You're too young to hunt at night.  You'll learn that when you're older."  She scowled at him.  "Sorry but no."  She wiggled down and crawled off pouting.  She found her uncle and climbed up with him, snuggling in.

John followed.  "You need to sleep in your own bed, Olivia."  She glared and growled.  He stared at her.  "Tough."

"Mommy sleeps with her," Xander mumbled.  He patted until he found her then pulled her next to his chest, letting her snuggle in.  "Sleep, 'Liv.  It's time for sleepies.  Uncle Xander needs a kitty nap."  She yawned and settled in against him.  He smiled at the first snore. "That's my good niece."

"Let me put her into her bed," John said quietly.  Xander nodded and let him.  "Sleep, kid.  You look worn out."  Xander nodded, flipping over to go back to sleep.  John put her down on the twin-sized bed and went back to the living room.  "Marks?"

"She knocked Sammy out twice," Dean said.

"Figures she's magically active with all that went on around her."  He sat down with a sigh. "This is a really nice cabin.  A lot of firewood handy, good road."

"He was chopping wood with a broken rib," Dean said with a grin.

"There's days I wanted to do that too," John admitted.  He put his feet up on the coffee table.  "You two go nap.  I'll sit up for a while."  They nodded, going to sleep.  John checked all the marks he had put up when he had hidden here one weekend.  The flu was nasty even to hunters and this place had running water plus it was cheap to stay at.  He finally went to bed.  A few hours later he was woken by some noise.  He got up and went to look, finding both his sons staring at the baby trying to get out the door.  Dean was checking his watch.  "How long?"

"Beating Sammy's time to figure out the doorknob," Dean said.  She finally got the door open and toddled outside with a coo.  Xander hopped up and ran around them, getting her and walking back inside.  "We were watching her to see if she could figure out doorknobs."

Xander looked at him.  "She's very active with her magic, guys."

"We blocked that," Sam said with a grin and a point.

Xander snorted.  "Willow used more than nature magic."  They groaned.  "Of course she can do doorknobs.  She could float bottles at six months."  He walked back to bed, tucking her in with him.  That made her happy.  "I know, but Pooch isn't here to chase you halfway down the hotel this time, 'Liv.  Though it was really brilliant when you made it onto the elevator that time."  She kicked her feet and grinned.  "Let's nap.  Uncle Xander still needs a nap."  She pouted.  "Oh, come on.  Please?"

John walked in crushing up something in a bowl.  "Let's try this."  Xander looked at him oddly.  "It's something that can help weed out chaos energy when people are hit with it.  We've had to use in the field before.  It won't hurt her but if I'm right, she was sucking off the taint her mother got in Sunnydale and now yours, which is apparently worse."

"Willow went back to look over the town a few times while she was pregnant.  She was feeling nostalgic."

"That plus all the magic she did around and with the baby, plus the transporting?  She's soaked up too much and it's what's giving her energy beyond what the normal toddler pulls out of their diapers."  He poured the herbs into the bottle Xander had beside him and let him help her drink it.

"It won't hurt her?" Xander made sure.

"No, not in the least.  They're all edible herbs."  He sat on the foot of the bed.  She finished her bottle of water and grinned at them.  Then she yawned.  "That's a good sign," John said calmly and quietly.  "Would you like to go back to bed, Olivia?"  She patted Xander's stomach and snuggled in.  "Such a good girl."  Xander yawned and nodded, laying down with her.  Once they were both asleep he took the baby back to her bed.  She snuggled in and it was good.  He walked out, smirking at his boys.  "She soaked up too much hellmouth taint."

Dean nodded.  "That figures, yeah."  They yawned and went to bed.  "She's still broadcasting though."

"We'll have Tara help that."  They all went to bed.  John smiled at figuring that out.  It was going to make her formative years easier.

***

Xander walked into the next hotel.  Olivia was beaming and waving at people, who mostly smiled and waved back.  Xander smirked.  "Yes, I have her in girly things.  She likes girly things," he told Tara when he ran into her.

"She's adorable but what's on her chest?"

"Blocking some of the Baby Rosenburg things."

"Crap," she muttered.  Olivia giggled.  She smiled and took her to cuddle.   "We love you, Olivia.  Are you going to come stay with the auntie?"

"We're sharing custody," he said.  She glared.  He stared back.  "You can always go to a doc, Tara.  I can't."  She nodded, rolling her eyes.  "Beyond that, Beth's going to start work and I can take time off writing.  The muses will usually wait for nap time."

"I guess."

"I'm not against sharing."

"I can accept that I guess.  Beth doesn't really like kids."

"I noticed."  He took her back.  "Let's check in."

"I already did.  Paula's in her room waiting on you."

"Cool."  He walked over to get his key and then up to his room.  Pooch showed up a minute later.  "Did I forget you in the car?" Xander asked.

"One of my teammates showed up with some information."

Xander nodded.  "I'm kinda used to that style of work."  He grinned.  "By the way, the guy he's jonsing to kill?  He's in Canada this week."  Pooch stiffened.  Xander stared at him.  "Did you think I wouldn't ask someone?  I mean, seriously?  Though it's nice he's a fan of my books too.  He sent me a nice email to the website."  Pooch smirked and texted that to someone.  He looked at Olivia.  "You tell the silly unclie that he should tell his team and take a few days off.  Yes he should."  She laughed and waved at Pooch.  "That's right.  He should before the demons he's trying to incite to riot eat his ass."

"Xander!" Tara complained.

"He's trying to take over the world," he complained back.

"Not that," she said with a swat.  Olivia swatted him too and grinned at her auntie.  "The swearing."  She took her back.  "That's a very good girl thing to do, Olivia.  You should make sure Uncle Xander does not swear."  She adjusted her dress.  "We'll work on the magic stuff too."  She walked her off to the bathroom.  "Let me do the right work on you to make sure that you quit enforcing your will."

Xander grinned.  "Thanks, Tara.  Get with John?  He had some herby thing that helped with her hellmouth taint."

She gaped.  Then looked at her.  "I didn't even think about that."  She called him while she got Olivia down to her diaper and ran the tub.  She kept her in there so the guys could talk about guy things.

Xander pulled up the site, pointing.  "Isn't that him?"

"That's him," he said, smirking at his 'boss'.  "How did you know?"

"Anything that ruffles the world that much, I'll eventually hear.  Just to make sure that it's not a demon apocalypse that Buffy will have to handle.  She got a bit pissed off when sudden battles ruined her clothes."  He grinned.  "I'm also not real happy when people try to take over the world.  It means I have to kill my babies that I won from poker games by killing people with them."

"I can see that," he agreed.  "Let me tell them and get Robert here."

"Sure.  We've got three weeks left."  Pooch smiled.  Xander shook his hand.  "Good luck. Oh, and look at my dating history again."  He walked off to the bathroom.  "Tara, can I help?"

"No, we're having a girl bath together."

"Okay.  Happy bubbles.  I'm going to get a cheeseburger."  He left with Pooch, who was calling someone.  He came back with a file from a local demon and Pooch, who was told to stay there because one of his suitors was in the hotel.  "Hey, Tara, LivLiv is here."

"Don't tell me that, I'll kill her," Tara called.

"I'm going to take my cheeseburger to visit her since you two are having a girl bath."  He walked off.

Pooch followed reading the file until he heard a familiar voice.  "What the hell?" he demanded quietly.  He stared at the person.  "What are you doing here?"

"I came to get a book signed for someone."

Xander smiled and took out his pen, signing it with a wink.  "For you or your boss, Roque?"

"You know?"

Xander stared at him.  "Do you think anyone's going to cause an apocalypse and someone in one of the hunting communities won't hear?  They're still scared to death of Buffy having a clothing fit.  Or me having to call in poker debts."  He smiled.  "For him?"  Roque nodded slowly.  "Cool."  He signed it and kissed Roque hard and fast, making him moan.  "You're not bad boy enough for me."  He smirked.  "Let my bodyguard go."

"I ...."

Xander smiled and moved something he had against his stomach.  "Really?"  Roque blinked, looking down.  So did Pooch.  "This is a hotel full of innocent people.  Either be civil or take it outside.  My niece is here.  I'll kill *everyone* over her safety."  He stared at him.  "And have fun doing it."

"Got it," he said, backing off.

Xander smiled.  "But you do taste good."  He grinned.  "Liv?" he called.  She came out of her room.  "There you are."

Roque gaped, pointing at Pooch once the door was shut with them inside it.  "Does he know...."

"Yeah, he dates like that," he said dryly.  "Why are you here?"  He waved the book.  "That's all?"  Roque nodded.  "Then scram.  His niece is adorably crawling age.  And he's seriously pissed off about what happened in LA."

"I can understand that.  You know, you could...."

"If you say it I'm going to let Jolene kill your ass," Pooch said bluntly.  Roque nodded and left.  Pooch put his phone against his ear.  "Roque says hi," he said then hung up on the sudden bout of swearing.  He called his supervisor back to let him know that it had happened.  He knew *everything* and let them take small contracts between bouts of trying to find the puss sucker.  Though he did think Olivia was the cutest baby next to his son.  He went to check on them.  Tara was still in the tub.  "Just me, Tara."

"Go save Xander from the skanky ho.  Please?"

"Does he know what she used to do?" he demanded.

"Yup.  Girls like that like Xander.  Always have."  She sighed.  "Thankfully I'm a good girl and I like girls.  We'll teach  you to be a good girl too, 'Liv."

Pooch smiled.  "You're a very good girl, Tara.  I'd never expect you to go even a bit bad."  Someone knocked and he opened it.  "Ma'am, he's with an ex."

"You couldn't save him?" Paula sighed.

"Not yet," he admitted.  "I'm about to switch out with Robert actually.  He can save him."  He smiled.  "He could use some stress relief anyway."

"Good to know.  The baby?"  He pointed in the bathroom.  "He locked her in there?"

"Tara and she are taking something called a girl bath."

"Oh!  Okay."  She nodded.  "Make sure Xander comes to see me when he's done?"

"Yes, ma'am."  She smiled and left.  "Oh, he got that packet done," he said, digging it out and handing it over.  "I think that's all of it."

She smiled.  "Thank you.  You've been very good."  She walked off glancing at the corrections.  He had made a lot of the changes but not all of them.  She ran into him in the hallway.  "If you tell me this actually happened like you did DCIS, I'm going to beat you to death."

"No, but I can't imagine I'd be too happy."  He shrugged.  "It's me, dear."

"I know that."  She stared at him.  "How are you going to write with a baby?"

"Rick managed it."

"He had his mother."

"Tara and I are sharing custody."

"Fine."  She went to her room.  "Get presentable.  There's press in the hotel, Xander."

"Yes, ma'am."  He went back to his former girlfriend's room to shower.  "Tara and the baby are in mine."  She laughed and let him shower, with a bit of help.  Then he went to change into some nice silk shorts, a decent enough shirt, clean sneakers, and he even remembered the underwear.  "I'm going to dinner," he called.  "Want me to take her?"  He didn't hear an answer so he listened.  A snore.  He considered it and then carefully popped the lock on the door, coming in to take the baby from her.  He put a post it on the inside of the door and carefully shut it.  She beamed at him.  "Hi, 'Liv."  He got her dressed up, even doing her hair for her, and then they went to dinner.  He found Paula waiting and sat down with her.  "Say hi to Paula?  She's the one who pays the Unclie Xander to sit home and write stories you'll someday hopefully love."

Paula smiled.  "She's pouting."

He looked down.  "You can have Tara later.  You'll learn to like Paula.  She even likes the kitties.  Can you say hi?"  Olivia smiled and waved.

Paula smiled and waved back.  "Hi, Olivia.  You look very pretty."  Xander grinned.  "Are you sure you can handle her?"

"I've babysat her a lot."

"Fine, Xander.  I won't nag unless something happens.  No Tara?"

"Snoring in the tub.  I left a note."  Paula sighed and shook her head.  "Anyway."

"How was your ex?"

"Very nice to me, like usual."  He beamed.  He heard a squeal and looked at her then around.  "Other kids here?"

"I think that was a fangirl squeal," she said with a point.  "Poker buddy of Rick's."

"Aww.  Come on, let's say hi to him too.  We'll be right back, Paula."  He carried her that way, smiling at the fans who all cooed at the baby, who cooed back.

The other author turned, staring at his poker buddy and his...helper.  "Did you adopt from some bad girl already or did one drop it off on her way to prison?"

"This is Olivia Rosenburg."

"Ah!  I saw that on the news."  He smiled at the baby.  "It's nice to meet you, Olivia."  She waved and stuck her tongue out.  He laughed.  "She's adorable, Harris."

"Yes she is.  Oh, and she's sometimes walking, when she wants.  Mostly she likes to crawl."

"I'll keep that in mind during poker games.  Are you putting in screen doors?"

"Yup, and invisible walls up by the pool."  He smiled at the nearest fan.  "I read all his stuff when I was younger too."  She grinned and patted the baby on the hand.  "Say hi, Olivia?"

Olivia looked at her and made a funny face.  She shook her head.  "I'm not hitting on him, dear," the girl said.  "I'm much too young and nice for Alexian Harris. "  The baby laughed when Xander tickled her, making her happier.  "She's adorable."

"We think it'll be six months before her mommy and daddy get back."

The other author shuddered.  "That's bad."

"I'm sharing custody with Tara."

"Probably a good idea but maybe she'll help you pick up better bad girls."

"You never know.  She has nice taste.  She kept sucking on Sam's ear."  He laughed.  "Let me take her back to Paula so I can get reminded of girl things she'll need."  He smiled and waved the baby's hand, getting scowled at.  "You can coo at the fans later."  She cooed at them.  He grinned as he walked off.  He sat down and sipped the water that appeared.  "Did you ever find my last royalty check?"  Tara stomped in.  He looked at her.  "Not like I looked!"

She huffed.  "I could've kept her."

"You were asleep in the tub, Tara.  No you couldn't."

"Fine."  She held out her hands.  "Want to sit in my lap?"  The baby pouted.  "Fine, you sit with Uncle Xander for now."  The baby let out an awesome squeal so she looked around.  "Oh, Dean's here."  They waved.  He smirked and waved back but headed in another direction.  "I think he's working, 'Liv.  We'll see Uncle Dean later."  Paula moaned.  "She loves them."

"She does.  She keeps trying to eat Sam's ear and likes to play with Dean's hair."  Paula shook her head.  "Tara, can you get into my account to check the balance?"

"I had to move some into it from your investment account because your last two checks still haven't come in and the bodyguard is expensive," Tara admitted.  She showed him and he gave her an odd look.  "I have no clue where that other money went."

"I'm going to find me an ex and beat them to death if it was them."  Olivia laughed.  "I know, you got told that by your mommy but Uncle Xander can kick butt very well, niece."  Tara and Paula both smiled.  "That's over ten grand missing."

"The bodyguard was six," Paula reminded him.

"I had fifty in there."

"Crap."  She took the phone to pull up the recent transactions.  "What's this account, Xander?"  She let him see it.

"That's... why am I paying slayer support?"  Tara choked.  "Huh.  Well, I'll talk to Greggy when I get home about that."

"I'll talk to Greggy tonight," Tara promised, taking her phone back.  She got up and walked off talking to him.  He had it fixed within minutes.  It was nice that the hacker the Council hired was actually a Sunnydale native and one of Oz's friends.  It worked out well.

Xander looked at Paula.  "At least I can afford dinner."

"Yes you can but I can expense account it."  He beamed.  "Will she eat real food?"

"If we give her real food."  He smiled at the waiter.  "Can she have a high chair please?"  He nodded, getting them one.  He looked at Paula, who ordered.  "I'll have the mac n'cheese to split with her, the one with ham?"  He nodded and wrote that down.  "And an extra glass of non-ice water?"

"Yes, sir.  Does she need a bib?"

"I'll make sure she's all right."  He grinned.  "We're getting pretty handy at that."  The waiter smiled and walked off.  He looked at her.  "You be a good girl while we're down here and then I'll let you roam around the room later.  All right?"  She smiled and waved.  He looked behind him.  "Hi, Bob."

"Xander."  He stared at the baby then at him.  "Rosenburg might be upset."

"Her will gives me or Tara the baby so we're splitting custody.  Beyond that, which realm are they on?"

"Paralax."  Xander made that note on the napkin.  He smiled at the baby.  "Everyone says she's like her mom with the magic stuff."

"Willow went to remember Sunnydale a few times while she was pregnant."  The demon moaned, shaking his head.  "Yeah.  John Winchester came up with the cure for that and Tara helped since she was sucking at my energy too."

"Wonderful news.  So she's got magic?"  Xander smiled and nodded.  "You know, there's some people who would love the baby."

"Dude, watch me go through *everyone* over her," Xander said dryly, smirking at him.  "I'm the most highly overprotective uncle ever seen.  And if I should have kids by some miracle of science or magic, it'll get worse."

Bob nodded.  "I can see that happening.  She's making the bad face."  He grimaced.  "Have fun."  He fled before it stunk.

Xander looked at her.  "You're thinking too hard."  She stuck her tongue out.  "I know you're not pooping so quit."  She pouted and relaxed.  "Thank you for making the demon flee, dear."  He kissed her on the head.  Paula gaped in horror.  "Mommy taught her that to drive Angel off when he was being annoying."  Tara came back.  "She just showed Bob that trick Mommy taught her."

She smiled and kissed her on the head.  "She's very good at bluffing that way."

"That means when it's her turn she's going to be excellent at kitten poker."  Xander grinned.

"Not until she's of age," Tara said patiently.

"Of course not."  He snorted.  "Paula, how do we want to introduce her to the social circle I'm running in?"

"You can have a party."

"I hate parties."

"I know."  She smirked.  "That would let some nicer reporters feel that you're not going to destroy them."

"They could've mentioned it at any time."

"I know.  I feel the same way."  She patted the baby on the hand.  Their dinners were brought and Tara ordered a salad.  Xander carefully tested a bite of dinner then let her have it to gum on.  Olivia happily munched and ate until her aunt's salad appeared then she begged and whined her way into half of it.  "No wonder you're losing weight," Paula said.

Xander nodded.  "She has my twinkie habit too.  If I wasn't sure she was Daniel's I'd wonder a lot."  Tara bopped him on the arm.  "I would!"

"You're the one who taught her about twinkies.  That's why I taught her about salads."  Paula snickered.  "He did!"

"I'm sure he did."  The baby patted her hand.  "Yes, Olivia?"  She smiled and the baby grunted and pointed. "No, that has bones.  You can't have mine.  Eat more of your uncle's."  She started to fuss so Xander took some to flake off and feed her.  She didn't like it but she quit begging too.  "Like your cats, she hates fish," she said dryly.

"Which is surprising with how often I give oral sex," Xander muttered.  Tara whapped him on the arm.  He grinned.  "It is!"

"Those ones need to bathe more," she said impatiently.  Xander smiled and handed her some of his mac'n'cheese with ham.  She sighed but dug in and so did the baby.  "I should take her cute clothes shopping."

"She's Willow's daughter, not Cordelia's," Xander said dryly.  "Willow never wore cute things.  She used to wear overalls and fluffy, ugly sweaters."

"I remember."  She dug in.  Olivia was watching everyone looking confused.  "It's all right, 'Liv.  It's us and you're with us."  Olivia smiled at her.

Xander looked where she was.  "Small ghosty ghost," he said quietly.  "Probably why Dean's here."  He texted that to Dean one-handed.  Dean came in and sat down, earning a squeal and a yawn.  "Sure, we can nap."  He grinned at her.  "We love naps."

Dean snorted.  "That's because she's keeping you up again.  Have you seen the orange guy in the leisure suit?"

"Bob."

Dean shook his head.  "Anything new?"

"Oh, the realm they're on according to Bob," he said, handing it to Tara.

"We looked there but we'll check again."  She tucked it into her pocket.  Olivia was starting to drift off.  So was Xander.  Tara smiled at Dean.  "Bob's probably in the bar."  He went to talk to him.  "C'mon, Xander.  We'll go take a nap with the baby."  She put down money for dinner but Paula handed it back and put her corporate card down.  Tara grinned and put down the tip, then helped the baby out of the chair and got Xander up and stumbling toward the elevator.  She smiled at the people staring at them.  "It's author and baby nap time," she told them.   They grinned and let Xander go up to his room to rest.  She got them onto the same bed, because Olivia hated cribs, and went to her own room to rest.  She needed it to follow Olivia and Xander around tomorrow.

***

Xander looked at the informal party on his pool terrace.  They had barely gotten home but Tara had arranged the casual dinner and greeting event.  "People."  They all stared.   "We're here to introduce you to the reason I'm such a badass, overprotective uncle.  This is Olivia Caitlyn Rosenburg."  He picked her up out of her chair, making her pout.  A few cooed and she cooed back and waved.  "Yes, these are uncle and auntie friends, 'Liv.  You can coo at them."

He grinned.  "So, until her parents get back, Tara and I are splitting custody.  Also, fair warning, she's a bit magically active.  It helps her get doors open."  They laughed.  "She is walking and able to run but she prefers to crawl so she can sneak past you.  So fair warning and all that," he finished with a grin.  They moved closer to greet her and she sucked up the attention.

Beckett took her to hold.  "You're a good weight, little one."

"She's a very good girl," Xander said with a grin.  "Who woke me up this morning trying to get the cat out of the closet.  Homer's still hiding from her trying to suck on his tail."

She laughed.  "They do that.  No crib?"

"She loathes cribs.  She won't sleep in a crib, never has.  That's her mom's thing though."

"That figures."  She handed her back, getting a pout.  "I need to get a new drink.  Quit pouting?"

Alexis bounced over.  "Hi, Olivia!  Your daddy did a really good job on your hair tonight."  Olivia babbled at her and patted her hand.  "You're so cute."  She took her to cuddle.  "Babysitting is the proof for the reason of birth control," she quipped, walking her off.

"I'm sterile," Xander said with a small shrug.  The officers laughed.  "Anyway, that's the princess.  Tara wants her to be a girly girl.  I'm making sure she's getting self defense lessons and her daddy agreed with me.  So I've got to find a happy medium in there."

"She'll be fine," Beckett assured him.

"As long as she doesn't turn into Cordelia, I hope so."  He sipped his water.  The baby let out a squeal.  "No, leave the cat alone," he called.  "She's still trying to eat tails and ears, Alexis."  Alexis shrugged and let the cat pick its own need for attention.  "I could've sworn I put them in the bedrooms."

"My fault," Sam called.  "Sorry, Xander."  He picked up the cat and carried it off, catching the others to put upstairs too.  He came back down and accepted the baby.  "So, what are we reading tonight?  Should we read Dr. Seuss or should we read Ptolemy?"  She patted him on the cheek and grinned.  "I know but you need huge brains when you're older so you can do more than hunt."  He walked her off talking to her about how she needed to go to college.  He'd help her get into Stanford if he could.

Detectives Ryan and Esposito, and Ryan's girlfriend, smiled as Sam walked past them, taking the baby to talk to.  She stared at him and then at his hair.  He laughed and let her scrunch her fingers in it.  It made her happy and his girlfriend got that gooey, sweet look on her face that meant he'd get laid later.  So it was all good.

They could all make sure Xander had a clue and was doing all right while they made sure he didn't let her get too tough.

Even if Faith was going mushy over the baby and making silly faces at her.  They could ignore that.

The End.

Chapter 25: Visiting Old Friends

Some old friends come to visit and Xander has some scary daddy thoughts.

Xander looked around the gym.  It was a nice gym, his physical trainer worked in it, but people had just gotten really quiet.  He spotted why.  "Hi, John.  Hi, Ronon."  He bounced over to hug them both.  "You're back for a bit?"

"Meetings but they wanted us to ask you some nosy questions so we're off for the night," John said with a grin.

"Cool!"  He beamed back at his trainer, who waved him off.  Xander beamed.  "I have to pick up Olivia and then we can hit the new house.  It's all done and there's guest rooms if you guys need one."  He grabbed his bag and t-shirt, pulling it on.

"Olivia?  New girlfriend?" John asked casually.

Xander snorted.  "Hell no but she hates my taste in women.  Willow's daughter."  He walked outside with him, calling the daycare.   "It's Xander Harris and I'm on my way to pick up Olivia....  Okay, that's cool.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Tara picked her up."  He called her.  "You picked her up?"  He listened.  "It's good.  Ooh, I liked that blue dress.  Can we get the koolaid out?"  He grinned.  "Perfect.  No, John's in town with Ronon.  Sure, if you and Beth want to have a mommy night, go for it, Tara.  You know that.  Sure, see you tomorrow before work."  He hung up.  "I'm free."

"Why do you have Willow's daughter?" John asked.

Xander walked them to his car, giving them the whole story.  John shuddered.  "We're sharing custody."

"That's cool."  He grinned at Ronon.  "Want to go out to dinner tonight since he won't have the baby?"

"That'd work.  Means neither of you have to try to cook."

"I'm getting better at it," Xander said with a grin.  "Get in, guys."  He got them into the car and took them back to the house.  He spotted the reporter.  He got out first.  "What?"

"Sir, were you invited to the baby fashion show next week?" she asked.

He shook his head.  "No, not in the least."  He grinned.  "Olivia's really happy in anything.  It's Tara that wants her to be cute."  She pouted.  "Sorry.  Have a better night."  He got John and Ronon inside and upstairs.  He came off to find all three Winchesters.  "Tara has her."  John grinned.  "Guys, this is John Sheppard and Ronon Dex.  He's scary with a big knife as John told me."  They smiled and talked.  "Let me shower, John."  He headed up to do that.

"We were going to take him out to catch up and do a guy's night out," John said.

Sam grinned.  "We came up to get a demon gang that's bothering the NYPD."  Sheppard smiled at him.

"Xander could use some guy time," Dean admitted.  "It's been all about Olivia recently.  He hasn't even dated because she scowled at them."

"That's probably good," John said dryly.  "With who he dated when we were on that signing trip."  They smirked at him.  Xander came bouncing down the stairs in jeans and a plain t-shirt plus an overshirt.  He bounced into his office and came out with his wallet.  "You went out without it?"

"I went out with the basic wallet but this one has the cash."  He beamed.  "What's up, guys?"

"Demon gang," Sam said.

"Hmm.  Down by Madison or the other one?"

"Other one," John Winchester said.

"Have fun, there's about eighty of them from a hell realm so they're not afraid of much.  Outside magic."  He smirked.  "Anyone coming with?"  They shook their heads.  "Okay.  Looks like it's just us, guys.  Steak?"  They nodded and followed Xander back down to the car.  John got them a cab instead.  That way Xander could unwind.  He was really tense.  Xander grinned at him.  "I can't date with the baby.  They think her scowl is scary."

"It's probably better that your bad girl society doesn't like her," John quipped with a grin.

"Maybe but two have helped me put really pretty hairdos in."  Ronon shook his head but Xander grinned.  "I'm more fun usually."

"I remember hearing."  They got out and the waitress blinked a few times at them.  "Dinner?" Ronon asked quietly.

"Of course," she squeaked.  She was all but drooling at John.  He grinned and she got them to their seats.  She told the waitress and went to take a few personal minutes to calm down.

Xander grinned.  "I never get that," he teased.

"I get all the good girls that don't ping your radar," he taunted back with an evil smirk.

"Maybe true."  Someone squealed and ran over to pounce John.  He got a hug, a kiss, and then she ran off babbling to her friends.  "I was told the fangirl 'squee' was a sign that you're really liked," Xander teased.

"It's a weird sound to make," Ronon said.  "I never did that at anything."

"You guys didn't have rock stars or film stars?"  Ronon shook his head.  "Nothing like it?"

"We had entertainment and music but nothing like the fan culture you see on earth."

"Huh.  That's kinda weird."  Ronon shrugged.  "We should send up SI's swimsuit issue," he told John.  Who swatted him on the head with a smirk.  "What?  It'd make a lot of guys squeal."

"We accidentally traded a Playboy once, Xander.  The fits knew no end for days."  Ronon laughed.  "Didn't it?"

He nodded.  "It did.  Though they are very nice."

Xander sighed and nodded.  "I could so drool on one of them."  Their waitress came and they decided on diner quickly, letting her quit drooling on John.  They caught up over dinner then they went to a sports bar.  Ronon got to watch boxing matches, which he liked, and they talked about things in a back corner.  O'Neill wanted to know things about a few rumors and what had happened to LA.

A waitress came over for refills.  "You're Alexian Harris."

Xander smiled.  "I am."

"Didn't we have to toss you out one night?"

"I didn't start that fight so they said I could come back.  So I brought friends."  He smiled and pointed.

"Huh."  She handed over their beers and walked off muttering about those who hung out with the famous to get attention.

"No I'm not," Xander complained.  John stared at him.  "I was having wings and someone came in to yell at me about the hunting novels.  So I kindly instructed him to please find a life.  He took a swing.  The bouncers came over when I used a free chair to shove him at the bar.  It wasn't anything huge."

"Fine."  He smirked.  "Like the one in England?"  Xander nodded quickly, taking a sip of his beer.  "Figures."

"Yup."  He settled in to get comfortable.  He liked John.  He could easily crush on John but John was straight and liked leggy women with brains.  Ronon was cute too but straight probably.  Xander went over the funny stories from recently, cracking John up.  John had to get their next round but it was fine.  Xander left a two dollar tip, which would probably piss off the waitress more.  They went back to the house.  All three Winchesters were either hiding, in bed, or had cleared out for the night.  No idea which one.  Xander checked and got them into beds for the night and went to his own.   He heard a knock and got up, smiling at Ronon when he let him in.  "Cats bothering you?" he teased.

"I saw you staring."

"If you're up for fun, big guy."  Ronon smirked.  Xander pounced.  It was good to pounce.  And Ronon was very good at what he did.

John blinked at the wall a few times.  "Huh."  He shifted some and let himself fall asleep.  He had another full day of meetings tomorrow.  Ronon could get some stress relief.  He hated being on base.

***

Xander picked up Olivia the next morning.  Tara had brought her over on her way to work.  Olivia had climbed the stairs to come get the uncle up.  "Hi, princess."  He nuzzled their cheeks together.  "Let's go get nummies."  He kissed Ronon and walked her down the stairs.  John was already up.  "John, this is Olivia."

"Hi, Olivia," he said, smiling and waving at her.  She drooled but smiled and waved back.  "I think that's the nicest I've been drooled at recently."

"She's definitely the nicest and best good girl drooling on you," Xander teased.  He got breakfast out.  She squealed.  "I know you like cottage cheese," he said, smiling at her.  "Can you put her in her booster seat?"  He let John take her to do that while he made her breakfast.  "Tara didn't come up?"

"She opened the door, put the baby down, put the diaper bag down, then went back down."

"Ah, she must be late for work."  He checked the clock and nodded.  "Yup, she's very late for work."  He texted her that he would've picked her up if she had let him know.  He sat down and ate with her.  She babbled into her cottage cheese but she loved it and the fruit.  Then she got toast to roam around eating while chasing the cats.  John snickered.  Xander grinned.  "It's an art form distracting her sometimes."

"I guess it could be."  He grinned at Ronon when he came down.  "Yours is on the stove."  Ronon grunted.  Xander got him some coffee too, earning a smile.  Xander smirked back.  "You two are good with me if you wanted to become more than fun," John assured them.

"Different galaxies would make that a sucky relationship but I'm all for fun if he's down here," Xander said.  Ronon nodded since his mouth was full.  "He's very good and he sleeps curled around you," Xander quipped.  "It was kinda nice."  Olivia came back and stared at Ronon's hair.  She tried to climb into a chair so John picked her up.  She touched them and patted them, then tried to scrunch her fingers in it.  She gave him a confused look.  "His hair's in braids," Xander said, taking her to cuddle.  "When you're older, you can braid your hair."  She smiled at him.  He grinned back.  "You're a good girl."  Ronon stared at her.  "She loves hair."

"It's an interesting texture," Ronon agreed.  "She doesn't know anyone with hair like mine?"

"I don't know anyone with dreads," Xander said, considering it.  "One of the guys at the publishing office but he's the skinny wanna be gang boy type."  John snorted, shaking his head into his coffee.  "He is.  She gives him confused looks because she's already smart enough to know that your diapers and panties go inside the pants.  So wannabe gangster it's pathetic in his case.  He weighs eighty pounds soaking wet."

John nodded.  "Some guys are like that."

"I never tried to be hip."  He shrugged.  She wiggled so he put her down.  "Finish your toasties."  She nibbled on it as she followed Homer to the windows.  She patted at the doors.  "I think they're locked.  We can go outside later, 'Liv."  She pouted and patted the window.  "Later.  When we do the stretchy stuff."  She was still pouting.  Xander found the remote and turned on Nick Jr.  It was loud, brightly colored, and even drew the cats' attention.  So she went to stare at it while she ate her toast.  "She's a bit stubborn."

"Just a bit," John agreed with a grin.  "Are you okay with that?"

"I'm not sure.  Especially if it takes nearly forever to get them back."

"That would be hard but you'd slowly work her way back to her parents."

"Willow would demand to have her back immediately.  No slow reintegration."

"You'll work it out so it's best for her.  You know she'll have to listen to some reason."  Xander nodded at that.  "You'll handle it."  Ronon finished.  "We should get back for meetings."

"'Liv, come tell them bye bye.  They have meetings."  She ran over to hug them and grin up at them.

"You're so sweet.  I need girls like you," John said with a grin back.   He tweaked her chin and winked.

She went to cuddle Ronon and play with his hair, earning a smile.  "Mama?" she asked.

Ronon snorted, shaking his head.  "No, not the mother."  He kissed her on the head and handed her to Xander, who waved her hand for her.  She squealed and waved with a huge grin.  "You're adorable."  They got beamed back.

Xander looked at her.  "Let me check my email and then we'll go stretch on the porch."  He put her down to watch tv again while he went to check his email.  He got good news about his sales.  Which he was hoping for.  Olivia was really expensive.  He turned off his computer and walked outside with her.  She wandered around, looking at the plants.

"Let's stretch, 'Liv."  She walked back and did what he was doing.  It was good for her to stretch and be flexible at her age.  She was happy doing it.  After they were done with some mild yoga he got her back inside to chase the cats for awhile while he got some work done.

He was using the talk-and-text program so he had to keep backing over talking to Olivia.  But that happened sometimes.  Then it was lunch and she went down for a nap.  He went up to get some swimming time in.  This was their routine and when she got up, she ran up to join him.  He swam with her, showing her how to swim.  Then they would go in to shower and put on clothes again.

She'd curl up in his office with some toys while he went over the morning's stuff to take out the rest of the stuff he had said to Olivia and add to it.  When she was hungry she brought him out of it and they had dinner.  Then some tv and bed, so he could write for a few more hours.  Dean showed up during the swimming time.  He stripped down to his boxer briefs and dove in.

She squealed.  "No!" she shouted.

"It's fine," Xander told her.  "He's allowed to do that because he knows how to swim."  She pouted.  "When you're older you can jump into the pool too.  Until then you're too little and you'd get hurt.  Dean's too big to get hurt that way."  He handed her over.  Dean helped her swim.  She was doing pretty good with her doggy paddling.  Xander grinned. "You guys didn't have to clear out last night."

"We went to play some kitten poker for information."  He smirked.  "Was it good?"

"Ronon's very good."  Dean nodded.  "John likes girls too."  He shrugged and took her back.  "Okay, swim to Dean," he said, mostly letting her go.  She swam and beamed at Dean, who beamed back.

"That's great work, 'Liv.  Very good job!"

"Coco?" she asked, smiling at him.

"Sure, for that you can get hyper on chocolate."  He grinned.  She swam back to Xander and back to Dean.  They were only two feet apart so they could both grab her but it was fine.

Beckett came up the stairs, watching them.  "Is she doing that on her own?"

"She's very good at it," Xander promised with a grin.  "What's up?"

"Some waitress said you're evil for getting her fired?"

"Was it the rude one at the sports bar who decided I'm hanging out with people to get more attention?"

"Yeah, a sports bar."

"Screw her."

"She made statements to the press.  They asked Castle for a statement."

Xander snorted.  "The press people all know I mostly avoid them."  He caught Olivia trying to swim around him.  "Ah!  Not yet you don't."  He nuzzled her and she swam back to Dean.

Beckett smiled.  "She's getting really good."  Xander and Dean both grinned at her.  "He thought you should know and we have to question over this way."

"That's cool.  I'll say something on the website later to shoot her down."  She nodded and left them alone.  "Thanks, Beckett."

"Welcome, kid."  She smiled on her way down to the car and getting in to drive.  "She's swimming between him and Dean."

"Already?"

"Doggy paddle."

"That's really advanced."  Rick grinned and they drove off.  "Alexis didn't swim until she was a year and a half.  Olivia's about a month short of that."

"They're only two feet apart but she's having fun."

"That's the best part of babies, they have fun doing everything but sitting still."  He grinned.

"You ever think about having a second?"

"Yes but then I remember all the times diapers drove me nuts."

She laughed.  "I can imagine."  She changed streets and found the address they needed.

***

Dean looked at Xander.  "Zoo?"

"She'd like animals."  He looked at her.  She was floating.  "Want to see animals?"  She tried to stand up and run off so they had to save her.  "C'mon, we'll shower off and then go see animals."  They got out and went to their separate showers.  He got her cleaned off and diapered then let her roam in the bedroom while he took his own.

Olivia got free of the door and went to find the uncle, who was in the shower too.  She snuck into his bathroom and squealed, making him jump and slip.  She cried, running back to the uncle, pointing and crying.  Xander got out and put on boxers, heading to check on Dean.  "I jumped when she snuck in," Dean moaned, letting Xander help him up.  "Ow."  He held his back.

"Shh.  Let's get you an ambulance, Dean."

"I'm fine."

"Shut up, Dean.  She's sobbing that she hurt you."  He handed him a towel to put on.  "Bed, Olivia."  She ran that way, still sniffing.  He checked Dean's back.  "I can't find anything slipped so it's better if you're in a 'bus."  He called.  "Hi, I live at...."  He walked back into the bathroom giving them the address and what had happened.   Dean got to slowly pull on boxers because he could barely move.  There was no way they were getting him downstairs without help.  Xander jogged down to answer the door and let them up the elevator.  "He's upstairs, second bedroom on the left, guys."  They went to check on him.  He followed.  "Olivia, I'm sure the patting is helping him but let the nice paramedics help," he said gently, taking her to cuddle.  "You did so good getting me for him, sweetness.  Good job."  Dean stared at him.  "She was crying, Dean.  She knows she scared and hurt you."

"I know.  This sucks," he moaned, holding his back.

"It does," the paramedic agreed, smiling at them.  "You two should get dressed so you can follow."  Xander nodded, taking them to get her dressed and then himself.  Xander grabbed what he'd need and they took Dean to the hospital.

Xander called John on the way.  "Dean slipped in the shower because Olivia surprised him by squealing at him," he said in greeting from the waiting area.  "Back.  ER.  Waiting.  Yup, there.  Thanks, John."  He looked at Olivia.  "Uncle John will be here in a few minutes.  You can help him baby Uncle Dean all you want, princess."  She was still pouty so he cuddled her.  "Uncle Dean doesn't have that big a booboo and he's not mad.  I promise he's not mad."

She calmed down and cuddled.  Someone across the seats was staring at them.  "She snuck into his bathroom and squealed so he jumped in the shower."  She winced.  "Tree?" he asked, pointing at the kid beside her, getting a nod.  "I jumped off the roof once."  She smiled at him.  He looked at Olivia.  "We'll build you a treehouse at the cabin since there's almost no trees in Manhattan."  She smiled at whoever was walking their way.   "About Dean?"

"Yes, sir.  Are you his medical contact?"

"Really good friend but his dad's across the city."  He called him and let her have the phone.  She smiled and walked off with it. He looked at her.  "We'll figure it out."  She grinned at the kid, waving at him.  He smiled and waved back.  "You're very good to make him feel better too."  He kissed her on the head.  "Did I forget to wash your hair after our swim?"  He shrugged.  "We'll have a bath later anyway."  The mother laughed.  "She likes the pool."  The nurse brought him back his phone.  "Is he ready to go home?"

"Not for a while yet, sir.  We're having someone come down to look at him."  Xander nodded and got comfortable.  John and Sam walked in an hour later and were let back.  Sam came to get Xander and walked him back there.  The nurse gave him a dirty look.  "He's not immediate family," she said.

"We're staying with him," Sam said with a grin.

"Do I need to set up the sauna as a bedroom?  Or I do have the storage area and I can put something in there," he offered.

"He's going to be on bed rest for a week," the nurse in there told him.  "How far is the hike to his bathroom?"

"Ten feet from the bed.  There's a dresser beside the doorway to lean on.  We can get him a shower chair too."  She smiled and nodded.  "He's got a separate tub and shower too.  So no big step up."

"That'll help him a lot."  She smiled at the close family.  "For right now, give him two weeks and then have him see his regular doctor for a physical therapy referral."  They nodded.

"Did he rip it that badly?" Xander asked.

"A lot of muscle strain and it briefly popped the wrong way.  That's an in case he's still in pain."

"Okay, we can do that.  I can see if mine will even though he's not a patient."  She nodded and gave them the orders.  "Flat on his back or propped up?"

"Whichever is more comfortable with the brace we're getting him."

Xander nodded.  "Pool time later?"

"That could help.  It's very low stress."  Xander nodded.  "Any other questions?"

"Massage thingy I use for my arms?  Would that help or hurt?  Or regular ones?" Xander asked.

"That may help but give it two weeks before you get one from a person.  One of the vibrating type with heat could help but give it a week first."  Xander nodded.  She smiled at the baby.  "He told me you squealed and scared him."

"She was being sneaky," Xander said dryly.  "Then she came running and crying to get me to help him."

The nurse smiled.  "Mine snuck into my bathroom a few times too.  She's adorable."

"Most of the time."  He grinned.  "Thank you."  She grinned and left.  He let the baby hug Dean.  "He can cuddle you later, 'Liv.  Let's get him home first.  I drove."

"He should stretch out.  You take Sammy and he can have the back of my truck," John said.  Xander nodded and they left.  He got Dean signed out and out to the truck.  The nurse scowled.  "This way he can stretch out and there's straps back there."  He had an emergency harness for moving badly injured people in the back.  He hitched Dean down, getting a nod from her.  He drove him back to Xander's.  "At least there's the elevator to avoid the stairs," he said once they were in it.  The pool area had an emergency exit into Xander's bedroom so he could walk him in that way.  It was easier and Dean got stripped down to his undershirt and boxer briefs then tucked in.  Olivia ran in and climbed up with him, cuddling him.

"I'm all right, 'Liv.  You're a good girl," Dean said, yawning some.  "You're a very good girl."  She cuddled and stared at him.  He let her, patting her on the back.  He fell asleep because he had nice drugs.  She settled in to sit with him.

John smiled, taking the tray from Xander to put beside Dean on the table.  "It'll be fine.  Olivia, want Sam to read to you?"

"No!" she said firmly, scowling at him.

"That's her mommy's resolve face," Xander joked.  He took a picture of it and sent it to Tara's phone, making her laugh.  "Let's let him nap, 'Liv.  Want nummies?"  She cuddled in.  "All right, call before you try to come downstairs."  She yawned and fell asleep with Dean.  "Aww."  He took another picture and they left them alone.  "She'll get up in a while and come play."  Sam nodded, going to change his sheets and John got his room's.  Then they went downstairs.  Sam turned the tv off Nick Jr. to something more adult oriented.  With guns and car chases.  Xander went to write.

John got to look in the kitchen and then go grocery shopping.  He ran into a reporter pushing the button.  "The blue one's the intercom," he said as he closed the door.

"What happened?  We heard an ambulance responded here, Mr. Winchester?"

"Do you usually show up where ambulances were?"

"He's famous."

"Dean slipped in the shower and messed up his back."

"Aww.  Is he all right?"

"On bed rest, maybe some therapy for it."  He shrugged.  "He'll be fine.  Olivia's fussing over him."  He put his hands in his pockets.  "Xander's writing and waiting on her to get up since she's napping on Dean."  He showed her the version of that picture.  She smiled.  "Anything else?"

"Is Alexian dating John Sheppard?"

"No, they're friends from that signing trip where he guarded the boy."

"Why would he be asked to guard him?"

"It was a favor situation.  Xander knew O'Neill and O'Neill asked him."

"Oh, that's interesting."  She smiled.  "I hope your son feels better."

"Me too.  He's whiny when he's hurt too badly.  I nearly gave him to someone when he had chicken pox."  He walked over to his truck and got in to go to the store.

She smiled.  "My sister said the same thing about hers."  They wrapped up and went to file the report.  It wasn't a bad one and that was an adorable picture.  Olivia was a darling little girl.

***

Xander called DC later that night.  "Can you tell John I'm really sorry some reporters mistook me taking friends to dinner as a trio on a date?" he said dryly.  "Yes.  Totally blown out of proportion.  Thanks, Jack.  She's good.  She's fussing over Dean in finest girl fashion.  No, he slipped in the shower.  Thanks, man."  He hung up and went to get her.  "Dinner time, 'Liv."

"You need to eat to fuss over me," Dean told her.  She scowled at him.  "You can go eat, I promise.  I'll be eating up here."

Xander picked her up, kissing her on the head.  "You can fuss over Uncle Dean later.  Let's eat and get him his own dinner."  She pouted.  "I promise, you can come back to fuss over him later."  He winked at Dean.  "You're getting soft stuff so you don't feel the need to squeeze."  He left with her.

"Gee thanks," he complained.  His father brought in his dinner.  "At least it's not too bad."

"Son, the last time I had a sore back there was no way I wanted to hobble into the bathroom for long periods of time," he said dryly.  Dean winced and shuddered.  "Exactly.  Soft foods, Dean."  He left.  "The reporter said to get better faster."

"Thanks."  He dug into his pot pie.  It was good.  He heard the squeal and smirked.  "She likes Sammy carrots, Dad," he called.

"I heard.  She's having what you are."

Dean grinned and dug in again.  It was pretty decent pot pie with chicken.  Clearly his dad had raided the frozen dough but that was fine too.  Better than some diner's food.

Xander smiled at Olivia, feeding her a bite he had blown on.  She blew on it then ate it with a grin.  "Good job."  He got her fed then gave her some bread to gum on while he ate.  She liked that and it was good for her.  "How long before he wants to get up?" he asked John.

"I always was within days but it shouldn't be more than a week, Xander.  I can take him to Ellen's."

"I don't mind the company, John.  I was wondering how long I'd have to keep saving him from her and if he'd want to he can do our yoga with us when he's up."

"If he wants.  I'll leave that up to his good sense."  Xander nodded.  "You sure you don't mind?"

"No," Xander said with a grin.  "Not in the least.  Will he mind her fussing?"

"In a few days," Sam said with a grin.  "But she's good at it."  She smiled at him.  "You're a good girl."  She beamed and ate another bite.  "We'll read after dinner."  She wiggled down out of her booster seat and got a book, bringing it back.  "Sure, we can read about trees."  He was mostly done so he pulled her into his lap and read to her about trees.  She smiled at him.  He kissed her on the nose.  "Such a good girl."  She patted the book so he read it a second time.  Then she went to wander among the plants.  Xander kept an eye on her.  She found the missing cat and it ran inside being chased by her.  "She really does work off a lot of calories."  Xander nodded, making John smirk.  "Why does she smell like the pool?"

"She and I swim every day after her afternoon nap.  Today she was doggy paddling between me and Dean.  That's before our showers."  He caught her and cuddled her.  "Hi, 'Liv.  Unclie caught you."  She squealed and pushed at him.  "Be good and we'll sit down in a few minutes?"  She pouted so he let her go.  She went back to pick something pretty and carried it up the stairs at a crawl.

"Dean, incoming," John called.  "She's really good at getting up them."

"I taught her to come down them on her butt," Xander said.   "She spent days going up and down the stairs when it rained."  They smiled.   "What did she pick?"

"A pepper."  Sam grinned.

Xander shook his head, going to check on her.  She had given Dean the pepper, making him put it beside him on the table.  "She gave you the pretty thing?"

"Yup."  He grinned and cuddled her, letting Xander have the tray back.  "Thanks."

"Not a problem, Dean.  When you're ready we do yoga stuff every morning."  He walked the tray back downstairs.  "She's curled up on his shoulder.  He put it beside his lamp."

"Awww," Sam said with a grin.  He finished his text, sending it.  "To Tara."

John smiled.  "She's a sweet girl."  He got comfortable.  "What if this lasts for more than a few months, Xander?"

"Then I've inherited a daughter and when they get back, we'll have to fight the evil parents from just snatching her home and make them slowly work her back into their lives."

John nodded with a smile.  "That's a good idea.  The first instinct is to take them back but sometimes you have to do it more slowly to get them used to it."  He nodded.  "You sure you can handle it that long?"

"I always knew there was a chance that I'd outlive them.  Especially since I'm semi-retired."  He leaned his elbows on the table.  "I have no idea if I should set up relations with his family or not.  They're still in Ireland."

"You can send them a letter," Sam offered.  "It's been on the news."

Xander nodded.  "I did send them one saying I had Olivia and she was safe and what we knew about what was going on.  I haven't heard anything back and that's a worry I have.  They could try to take custody as grandparents.  That would be above the parents' wills.  I think Daniel's left her to me or Tara.  I know Willow's did, I had to sign papers."

John nodded.  "Then we'll figure it out."  Xander relaxed and nodded.  "Go rest, kid."  Xander went to the office.  John looked at his son, who did the dishes.  "Thanks, Sammy."

"Make sure we have enough muscle rub and advil, Dad."  He went to the storage closet/medical kit to do that.  He had to get some stuff but otherwise it was fine.  Sam ran the dishwasher, going up to check on Dean.  "She out?" he asked from the doorway.

"Nope."  He grinned.  "She's just cuddly, Sammy."  He got him a book.  "Thanks."  He settled in to read her the first in the hunters series.  It was a good book.  Xander did a good job making it look nicer than it was.  Dean lightened up some of it and didn't read the swearing or fight scenes to her.  She was paying attention and it was nice.  Comfortable and all that.

***

Dean's first morning out of bed was boring.  Olivia was happy and following him everywhere.  Though she was pouting about the outside.  "C'mon, let's sit on a bench."  She ran that way.  Dean grinned.  She walked more around him.  He followed and she stood up and stretched.  "That's very good.  Do you and Uncle Xander do that?"  She beamed at him and nodded.  "Show me how to do it?"  He moved to his feet and did what she was doing.

He grinned.  It was nice that she was so wiggly but it helped his back a lot.  Xander came back from the interview and came out to join them, toeing off his shoes.  Xander stretched up and then out then down.  She beamed and followed.  Dean did what he could and Xander helped him when he nearly got stuck bending over.  They finished up and went to have a snack.  Olivia was beaming at him and patting his back.  "I'll be okay.  It's good to be out of bed, huh?"  She ran off after a cat.

Xander quit gulping milk.  "Quit chasing Homer, Olivia.  He's sore because he got stuck in the bathroom last night."  She came back and made begging noises so he let her have some of his milk, getting a grin.  "We have to go to the bank and then to see Paula later.  That means you have to look like a little girl again."  She squealed and headed for the stairs.  Xander grinned at Dean.  "Rest, Dean, and the massage wand is in my office, left side bottom drawer."

He followed her to help her pick out something.  She was fussing and pointing.  "Not that dress.  It has a stain on it."  He showed her.  "Auntie Tara was really upset at that so let's wear an Auntie Tara dress?"  She beamed and he picked out a little red dress.  She hugged it.  "Let's get you cleaned up.  Time for a bath."  She took her dress that way.  "Put the dress somewhere," he said, taking it to hang on the towel bar.  He got the other stuff and came back to bathe her.  "Your hair's getting long."  She smiled at him as she splashed.

"If it was just a bit longer I could french braid it.  Your Auntie Buffy taught me how to do that so I could do her hair."  He shampooed her hair.  "Maybe we'll let it curl today.  You look pretty with the curls."  He got her out and dressed, then got her shoes on her.  "Let's grab my shoes."  She let him pick her up and take her downstairs.  He found his shoes on the porch and came out.  "We'll be back in an hour or so, Dean.  Need anything?"

"I'm great, thanks, Xander."

"Welcome."  He poked her on the side.  "Wave bye-bye?"  She smiled and did that.  "Good girl, 'Liv."  He carried her down, putting her in her car seat.  She smoothed her dress down and he grinned, closing the door so he could walk around and drive them to the office.  He carried her inside.  "Princess Liv is here," he announced.

Paula smiled.  "She looks very pretty today, Xander."  Olivia beamed at her.  "I have two checks."

"Whoo-hoo!  That means pizza tonight," he told her, earning a squeal and a hug around the neck.  He signed and took them, putting them into his wallet while the baby sat in a chair.  He picked her back up.  "Any other orders?"

"Donny is very amused by how many times he saw the phrase 'Olivia, leave the cats alone' but otherwise no."  She smiled.  "You're doing okay with her."  Xander winked and walked her out, taking her to the car again.  "Buy Beckett's minions lunch," she called after them.  "They arrested your former girlfriend again."

"We can do that."  He smirked at her.  She smirked back.  "What should we feed the minions?  Should we feed them burgers?  Or fishie?  Or pizza?"  He called on the way over.  "Hi, Captain, it's Xander.  Paula told me they arrested one of my dates again and that they deserved lunch."  He grinned in the mirror.  "Hands free set I promise."  He paid more attention when the light changed and moved on.  "We can do that."  He moaned and held his head.  "No we can't.  Hour."  He hung up and pulled over, double parking for now while he held his head.  Someone honked but he ignored it.  He finally sat up and checked on the staring baby.  "If you can avoid it, never get visions, Olivia.  They hurt like hell."  She pouted.  "C'mon, let's get us coffee and then lunch, no matter what the captain wants because I just saw Beckett's house exploding."  He took her to do that, bringing in coffee.

"It's the mini-Castle," Esposito teased.

Xander snorted.  "I wish.  Only if he has visions."  He put her in the empty chair.  "Don't move."  She pouted.  "You can show them how pretty you look in a minute.  Stay."

Beckett looked at him.  "Your eyes are bloodshot, Xander."

"I had a vision on the way over of your house exploding."  She gaped.  "Something about serial killers.... big fans...."  Rick walked past and handed him the file.  "Yeah, him, only not him."  He pointed.  "He's the one that made your apartment explode."  He handed it over.  "If it wasn't him it was related to him by what I saw."

"Was she all right?" Esposito asked.

"Yeah.  She got shielded by the tub."  She shuddered.  He rubbed his forehead.  "I was going to bring you guys lunch for arresting my date again.  Which one was it?"

"Bob Lina."

"Oh, him."  He picked up the baby, checking the seat then her.  "You're not wet."

"No, it's the shine on it," Rick said, showing him.  "She's cute."

"Auntie Tara picked out the dress."  He let her walk over to show the others.  Who all agreed she was pretty today.  She beamed and came back to cuddle Beckett.

"You're very pretty, Olivia."  The baby patted her.  "What?"  She patted that same spot.  "Xander?"

He looked then at her.  "Infected cut.  She's just manifesting a bit of healer's skills.  Tara does the same to me."  He picked her up.  "Say hi to the captain?"  She smiled and waved.   "Good girl, 'Liv.  Let's go to the bank then the library?  Then home?"  She hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.  "That's my good niece."  He grinned.  "So anyway...."

Beckett smiled.  "Thank you for telling me, Xander.  Are you sure you're fit to drive?"

"Mild headache.  I'll be fine.  Not like Dean can drive.  He barely made it out of bed and she was brilliant when she was showing him our morning yoga routine."  He grinned at her.  She beamed back and kissed him again.  "That was very good helping Uncle Dean do the stretchies."  He patted her.  "So anyway...."  Beckett waved.  "Have a better day, people."  He walked her out, taking her to the bank.  He had no idea why he had gotten that vision.  It wasn't a major apocalypse battle unless they couldn't fix it.  Because he had the feeling that Castle could turn into him when provoked - Alexis or Rick.  The bank was thankfully a drive-thru.  Then he went to the library.  He handed her and the diaper bag to Tara then went to the bathroom.

She smiled at the baby.  "You look very pretty in the dress I picked out, Olivia."  She checked her and took her to change.  The male bathrooms didn't have a changing table so that was wise of Xander.  Of course she saw the post-vision signs when he came out.  "Bad?  Soon?"

"Beckett."

"Dirt."

"Something smaller.  Not sure why."  He shrugged and sat down, letting Olivia help Tara dust shelves while he recovered.  He texted Dean so he wouldn't worry.  Dean told him he had gotten a box from Fed Ex and they talked about it.  He called.  "Read me the address?"  He wrote it down.  "That sounds familiar.  Thanks, Dean.  No, don't open it.  Thanks."  He hung up and looked that up from his phone.  "I'm glad he talked me into the Blackberry."  Tara came over to look over his shoulder.  "Any idea?"

"That's the prison address in Cali."

"Shit," he muttered, calling Dean and Beckett on a joint call.  "Beckett, me.  Dean, that's from the prison in California's address.  Yeah, a box from Fed Ex, Beckett.  I'm not sure and I'm in the library with Tara and 'Liv.  Dean?  Can you check it for being odd?"  He listened, then sighed.  Beckett said she'd bring someone to scan it.  "Thank you."  He hung up and tipped his head back.  "She'll have someone check it."

"She couldn't send a new bomb from there."

"Who knows and how did she send something FedEx?"

"Good point."  She glared at someone glaring at them.  "Someone sent him a bomb from that sender."  She shuddered and went back to her reading.  Tara took Olivia to pick out her week's worth of books.  The others were in her diaper bag.   The head librarian was scowling.  "What?  It's from his mother, who sent him a bomb."

"That's a good reason to break the no cellphones rule," she decided.

"He had texted until then.  No noise."  She got Olivia's books checked back in, making her smile and pat the scanner.  "That's right, that's the scanner that reads the bar code to tell them that your books are back.  So now we can get new books."  She took her to pick out stuff that looked nice and one she adored.  She checked them out and put them into the diaper bag.  "There, so we can read to you tonight."  Olivia beamed.  She looked over.  Xander was asleep.

Tara considered it.  She hadn't driven today.  She went to wake Xander up.  "Take a cab home.  I'll take her home tonight in your car."  Xander smiled and nodded, heading out.  "Visions are a pain," she told Olivia once he was gone.  "Not only in your head but in many ways."  They went back to their duties dusting.  Olivia loved the books.  She petted them and Tara got to tell her about the sections they were dusting.

The head librarian came over.  "Tara?  Did you need to leave early?"

She smiled.  "No, Olivia's spent some time here with me before and she loves books."  The girl beamed and waved at the older woman.  "This is my boss, Miss Pritchard, Olivia."  The girl hugged her legs and patted a book with a coo, looking at her.  "That's right, we protect and take care of the special books because books are great things."  Olivia beamed and they walked off.  "Xander had a headache from the vision he had earlier."

"Is she yours with him?"

"She's Willow's."  Her boss moaned.  "Xander and I share custody of her."  She smiled.  "He hogs her a lot."  Her boss nodded.  "I promise, Olivia won't be a problem.  She knows how to be quiet in the library and how to help me."

"I suppose it's fine.  Let me know if it is a problem."

"Of course," Tara said with a smile.  "It's never a problem.  C'mon, Olivia, let's dust the antiques section."  The baby beamed and ran where she pointed, letting Tara follow to dust over there.

Her boss shook her head.  "She is the nicest, sweetest, most unusual girl I've ever seen," she decided, going back to the desk.  Tara came back after lunch to man the check-out station.  She watched the baby look and then find a pen, smiling and handing it to Tara.

"That's right, your Uncle Xander uses those when people line up to have him sign books.  That's very smart, Olivia."  She smiled and pushed her hair back behind her ears.  Olivia got sat in the chair.  "Here, watch how the scanner does this instead of a pen."  She scanned the books and the girl looked amazed, looking at the woman.

"Is that Alexian Harris' niece?"

"This is Olivia," she agreed with a smile.  "She knew her uncle needed the pen to sign books when people lined up at a desk."  The older woman beamed at her.  "She's very bright."  She finished checking her out.  "We have one on hold.  Olivia, don't move."  She got the other book and came back, checking it out too.  "There you go."  She smiled and let her go.  Olivia smiled and waved.  The patrons were all smiling at her and the baby.  It was good she was getting a feel for this side of learning too.

***

Tara was cleaning up when an officer came in.  "We close in ten minutes, Officer."

"Ma'am, I got a report that you have a baby in here that's not yours?"

She huffed and rolled her eyes, telling her about Willow while calling Xander.  He was groggy when he answered.  "Can you please talk to the officer?"

"Officer, we share custody of Olivia until her parents are back on this plane," Xander said bluntly.  He sounded very tired.  "I had a vision earlier while driving and Tara's taking custody for me tonight while my head quits hurting.  Who said what?"

"Someone said you have custody, sir."

"No, by her mother's will, we share custody.  I've notified his parents but haven't heard anything back.  So yes, Olivia can stay with Tara all she wants.  She's a great girl influence on her.  Are we thinking someone higher is trying to get involved?"

"No, sir, no report to Social Services or anything, just a report was made that she had your niece in her custody."

Xander snorted, then sneezed.  "Sorry, but no.  Tara's like my sister.   We share Olivia.  I hog her a lot but we do share Olivia.  Tell whoever was worried thank you but there's no need for concern as long as she's with Tara."

"I can do that, sir.  Are you all right?"

"Visions are like a movie preview that's only shown in your head surrounded by bright lights and a huge ass headache," Xander said dryly.  "I had one while driving earlier."

"That's good that you didn't keep her, sir.  You could've had an accident."

"That's why I headed to the library after I told the detectives I work with now and then."

"Like Castle does, sir?  You're a fantasy author."

"No, like I've dated a few serial killers," Xander said.  He yawned.  "Sorry, migraine meds knock me out."

"That's reasonable, sir.  Thank you for letting me know in a calm way."

"I like you guys for the most part," Xander said dryly.  "I've only met five officers I didn't like and they were trying to hurt me for knowing about demons."  The officer smirked.  "Have a good evening, Officer."

"You as well, sir."  She looked at her.  "You might want to keep a formal copy of the papers with you?" she said quietly.

"I have them at home.  I'll bring a copy in."  The officer smiled and nodded, waving at the baby, who waved back and pouted.  "C'mon, let's go see Beth.  She was making dinner."  Olivia beamed and raised her hands.  Tara picked her up and changed her diaper then left for home.  Beth stared at the baby.  "Oh, no, a special dinner?  Did I forget an anniversary?" she asked.

"Slightly."

"I can hand her back to Xander.  He had a vision so I've had her since lunch."  She drove over and took her up, handing her to Dean.  "It's an anniversary dinner."  He grinned and nodded.  "Thanks.  His car's downstairs."

"I'll call a cab while you go down."  He did that and she left.  He heard the honk a few minutes later and Tara went home.  He looked at the baby.  "You look adorable."  He put her down and she headed for Xander.  "Let Uncle Xander sleep, 'Liv.  He's got head booboos."  She pouted.  "Let him sleep.  Come help me make dinner?"  She came over to steal food.  He took a picture for Sam.  Sam sent back a coo.  "Uncle Sammy thinks you're cute too."  She lifted up her skirt.  "No, don't do that."  He put it back down and smoothed it out.  "Good girls don't flash panties until they've found a good boy like Uncle Sammy."  He helped her sit on the counter so she could watch him.  "This is how you chop veggies."

Dean was feeling very...housewifey and he hated it.  So once he was feeling better he had to hit the road.  No matter how much the baby begged.

***

Xander walked into his interview a month later, Olivia dressed prettily since it was an on-air interview.  "Hi."  He smiled.

"No sitter?" the reporter asked.

"No.  Tara's at some Library of Congress conference with Beth."

"No Dean?" she asked.  "I know you were seeing him."

"Not quite."  He grinned.  "He fell in the shower.  I was letting him heal.  He left yesterday for Oregon."

"Oh.  So you broke up?"

"I never slept with Dean," he said dryly.  "He had his own room.  She slept with Dean more than I sat next to him.  She fussed over him so much after his accident."

"Oh."  She nodded and got him mic'd and the baby got to sit on his knee.  "She's so adorable," she said once the camera was rolling.

"Thank you.  Auntie Tara picked out the dress.  I'm trying to french braid her hair but it's just a bit too short so far."  He grinned.  "But she likes it curly."

"That's wonderful.  So, first, some gossip.  You're not seeing Dean Winchester?"

"I've never dated Dean Winchester.  I was letting him heal in my place after he slipped in the shower and hurt his back."

"Just the floor needed more traction?"

"Actually, Olivia snuck in and squealed, which made him jump, and then fall."  He grinned at her then at the baby then back at her.  "He's never blamed her but she fussed *so* hard over him.  She crawled up next to him to pat him and coo at him.  She taught him how to stretch like we do every morning.  She picked things from the garden outside the living room to take up to him."

"Awww.  That's sweet of her."  She smiled.  "New book?"

"Chocolate Lord book?" he asked with a grin.  The baby poked him.  He looked at her.  "The book with the guy who drinks from the well, yes.  Uncle Dean read that to you."  He smiled at her.  "He read most of the hunter series to her too."  The reporter laughed and he grinned.  "But yes, it's out and I liked it a lot.  I can see that happening."

"I read the first six chapters last night when I meant to read the first two, Alexian."  He blushed and grinned.  "Another success?"

"I hope so.  I had a lot of fun writing it."

"Are there sequels?  I've noticed that you don't tend to write once-offs."

"Um, there's a chance but my publisher doesn't think it's up to the same standard at the moment.  So we'll see."  He shifted the baby to the other knee and freed the microphone from her fingers.  "It's a reporter, Olivia.  Let me do this?" he asked with a grin.

She smiled at the reporter and waved with a squeal.  "Hi!"

"You're very bright," she said with a smile and a wave back.

"I'm having a lot of fun teaching her things," Xander said with a grin. "But... I can let you in on a secret."  The reporter stared.  "Sam is dating someone."

"Sam Winchester?" she asked hopefully.  He nodded.  "He's letting you tell us?"

"Yes.  He's hiding her really hard and he's making sure that you guys don't stalk her but yes he said I should tell you that."

"Aww.  Is she a nice girl or does he draw bad girls like you do?"

"She's pretty sweet from what he's said."  He took the microphone back and put it on her bow.  It was closer to his mouth anyway.  The reporter smirked.  "She's an interior designer he met by banishing her brother-in-law from what Sam told me."

"That's wonderful.  So a good woman.  Does his father know?"

"You know, I'm not sure but I'm told John catches you guys now and then to make sure nothing too horrible is happening with me or Tara."  He smirked.  She cackled.  "He called last night to talk to me to make sure I wasn't moping that Dean had left us alone.  I'm getting used to having someone there all the time."

"That's easy to do, Alexian."  He grinned.  "You had an emergency at your house about a month ago?"

"My mother sent a bunch of crap and some of my baby pictures.  I'm not sure about why she sent articles on people I have no idea about but I got a bunch of stuff.  With her history, I couldn't be sure it wasn't something bad.  So when Dean got it from Fed Ex, I called a detective I know to warn her.  I was at the library with her and Tara having a migraine from an earlier vision."

"Something huge?"

"Something personal.  Usually I only get apocalypse battles but this time I got something personal to that detective."  He shrugged.  "I have no idea why.  Tara had her at the library all afternoon; she charmed the patrons and patted the books."

"She likes books?"

"She loves books.  Uncle Sam reads to her.  Uncle Dean reads to her.  I read to her.  Tara reads to her.  Even John read to her.  We all want her to be as bright as humanly possible." He grinned down at Olivia.  "I'm hoping I can pay for a great college education at somewhere world renowned.  I want to watch her get her PhD in some socially helpful field."

"I hope she does too," the reporter said.  "You're adorably baby centered."

"I can't have any of my own so I'm going to be an uncle unless I adopt.  I'll be the best uncle to her that I can until her mom and dad come back.  Then we'll work on breaking her from me to them again."

"That makes good sense.  She's going to be how old?"

"She's twenty-one months.  I'm already planning a nice happy day in the park for her birthday and a huge cake."  He grinned.  "We'll go to the zoo and maybe the aquarium, and then have cake."

"That's wonderful."  She smiled at the baby, getting a beam and a wave back.  She waved back with a grin.  "She's truly adorable.  She doesn't talk much?"

"She babbled at John for four hours the other day because she called him by accident."

She cackled.  "I've done that in my pocket a few times.  That's an adorable dress, Olivia."

"Her Auntie Tara insists that I make sure she has her girly girl moments, even though we do yoga-ish things every morning and swim every afternoon.  Between she tends to chase the cats around the house."  She laughed.  He shrugged.  "They like to hide from her too.  It's good exercise."

"I'm sure it is.  Chasing my dog for a bath is."  He grinned.  "What's next for you?"

"Three new books in the next eight months?" he guessed.  "All already with my publisher.  Another bit of one I couldn't publish due to the...graphic nature on the website next month."

"Graphic violence?"

"No.  I'm told not even Anne Rice can do that and get it published."  She blushed.  He nodded.  "I couldn't find a way to tame it down.  So it's going on the website behind that nice age statement."

"Your site is very well done."

"Thank you.  I had one very good person design it and I pay someone to help me maintain it and fix it when I screw something up.  I do it a lot some weeks."

"I can understand that.  Not everyone is a computer genius."

"I know how to check my email and type."  She smiled.  "My word processing program is probably very tired.  It's gotten to the point when I turn off my computer at night, there's a faint image of my word processor's screen left."

She laughed.  "Well, you are productive."  He nodded.  "Have you seen Rick Castle's newest book?"

"I have and I gave him permission to use me as an example."  He grinned.  "He muttered for months about me dating."  She beamed at him.  "He did a good job.  I've seen the second and third book and it's just as twisty, turny, and riveting.  I still can't figure out who killed him."  She smirked.  "I think he said there's a few more books."

"That's good to know."  She grinned.  "She's bored?"

He looked down and shook his head.  "No, she's just quiet.  She likes to be the center of attention."  He smirked.  "Don't wake her up if she sleeps," he said in a stage-whisper.  "She'll make me chase her all afternoon."  The reporter giggled.  He grinned.  "Have you seen Adelle Perkin's new one?  I gave her some ideas when she got stuck."

"I haven't.  I'll have to check that out."  She winked.  "You have a good day with her."

"I try really hard to live a fairly interesting life."  He handed back the microphone and the video cut.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  I hope she naps for you."

"She will.  She likes to nap in the office while I type."  She laughed.  "Really.  We've got a whole schedule worked out and it's good for her."  He smirked and got up, carrying her off.  "C'mon, we'll get some ice cream and go tease Paula with it.  She needs to have some ice cream.  She's getting too skinny again."  Olivia nodded.

The reporter smiled, looking at her cameraman, who nodded he had it.  "He's a good parent to her."

"He tries very hard but he's not spoiling her.  So it's good."  He let her take the film to edit.  It was a decent interview.  Even if he was a bit distracted.

***

Xander looked up from his stretching with Olivia, staring at the ghostly figure.  "Hi."

"She's safe," she sighed.

"Tara and I are sharing custody of her, Willow.  She's safe, protected, and healthy."  He tapped Olivia and she looked up so he pointed.  She gaped and squealed, getting up to bounce.  "How long?  And where the hell are you guys?"

"Paralax from what we heard."

"Not from what we've seen on this side."

"The portal area was next to a volcano so we had to flee.  We walked for about five days."  Xander nodded.  "We went toward the sun, I don't know if that's east here.  We're all okay.  Even if Buffy's feet do still hurt because she wasn't wearing practical shoes."

"I'll let them know.  Anything we should know?"  She shrugged, trying to hug her daughter.  Olivia was sniffling.  "Hey, 'Liv, I've got you and we'll get mommy and daddy back really soon."  He picked her up to cuddle her.  "We've got her, Willow."  She nodded and faded.  He calmed her down, walking as he called the witches in charge of the search.  "Willow showed up."  He listened to them say something.  He told them what she had said and that for some reason she was glowing.  Way too much magic or she was pregnant again.

He hung up and got Olivia calmed down, cuddling her with some ice cream.  She finally got down to sniffling and sulking.  "We'll get her back as soon as we can," he whispered.  "I want her back just as much as you do, niece.  You never have to worry about it though.  We have you and you're okay."  She fell asleep on him and he finished the ice cream.  He wanted her home soon too.  Olivia needed her parents.  Because he'd end up screwing up sometime soon.  His phone beeped and he grimaced.   "That's a bad thing," he decided.  He let her nap.  He had two hours to get her ready to go to the doctor for a checkup and shots.

***

Willow came back to her body with a sigh.  "Xander had Olivia." Daniel beamed and nodded.  "He said he and Tara are sharing custody."

"My mum?"

"If I know Xander he would've told her but I'm not sure if she's answered him.  Olivia was sniffly and crying to be held but she and Xander were stretching on some garden porch."  She sighed again, shifting.  "He asked where we were and I explained it as best I could."

"Any idea why this happened?" Buffy asked.

"When I got Tara, she told me it was a Watcher who was jealous for his sister."

Buffy scowled.  "I would've helped her."

"No clue beyond that."  She looked at Daniel.  "She looked good.  Xander's kept her healthy."

He nodded.  "He'd be a good Da if he had his own.  When we're back we'll handle it and wean her off him."  She nodded, accepting his help up.  They went to check on their camp and tell the others.  Joyce didn't look too healthy but they'd handle it.  Buffy had a lot of things to hunt, including for food.  Giles thankfully knew how to do that with Daniel too.

Giles stared at her.  "Why are you glowing?" he asked.

"No birth control here?" she guessed, looking at her husband, who nodded.

"Willow, we don't have what we'd need for an infant," he complained.

"Giles, women in the wilds do it with less every year."  He shut up at that.  "It'll be fine."

"If you're certain but I have no idea how to deliver a child."

"I read it a few times in my mother's books."  He nodded, leaving it for now.  "Worry more what happens when our clothes are all worn out."

"I'm sure we can handle it with furs or something," he complained.  He checked on Joyce and told her the news.  She shrugged and decided it would be fine so he'd quit worrying.  At least the two most likely to be able to protect themselves were together with the baby.

***

Xander walked into the library a week later, handing her and the diaper bag to Tara.  "I can't think.  I can't write."  Tara smirked.  "It's not her, it's the whole house.  I have no idea what the damn factory next door is doing but it's driving me nuts."  He walked off to the back area with his laptop.

Tara looked at the baby, who was grinning.  "That's not a good look.  Let's go change you and then we'll shelve books."  She took her to do that.  Her boss gave her an odd look so she shrugged.  She came back from changing her and let Olivia go sit in the room where Xander was writing.  She had to shelve over there anyway.  Her phone rang and she answered it quickly.  "I'm at work."  She listened.  "He's here, Detective Taylor."  Xander looked at her.  "I don't know."  Xander shrugged and waved a hand at the computer, getting a nod.  "Check your email in a minute."  She hung up.  Xander wrote the email and answered what was going on.  She looked over his shoulder, grimacing.  "That's not good."

"Not hardly."

She nodded and let it go while she shelved.  Olivia had to be rescued from helping others read but that was about usual for a toddler.

***

Mac Taylor hung up.  "The owner of this one is at the library with his niece.  He said that something was going on next door."  He got into his email and found it.  The fire department captain read it too and nodded.  "Would that fit with what happened?"

"Yup.  Sounds like the machine was straining because of the body in it."  Mac nodded.  "Harris lives here?"  Mac pointed out.  He looked.  "That's a pretty house."

"It's a wonderful house and has a pool on the roof."  That got a smirk and they went to check the machines again.  Mac made sure everyone was clear and turned it back on, nearly clapping his hands over his ears at the screeching, shrieking, stressed out noises.  It got turned off.

"That's an oil problem," someone called from across the room.  They stomped over.  "What happened?"

"We got called about a worker trapped in the machines," Mac said calmly.

"There's no way you can climb into those."  Mac walked him over to look and get how to take the machine apart.  He apparently knew a lot.  "I was the floor manager for twenty years until the new boss took over last month," he said at the odd look.  "I heard on the police band radio and came to make sure the guys I know are all right."

"Can you identify him?"

"Probably."  He looked under the sheet and nodded.  "That's the new owner."

"That's good to know.  Thank you.  Can you stay available when we take it apart?"

"Of course."  He nodded at the ME walking in with the gurney and body haulers.  "Ma'am."

"There's a few pieces within the machine," Mac told her.

"Okay.  We can get them too," she said.  "Homicide?"

"On their way.  Flack is coming."

"Sure."  She smiled.  "He's cute and staring at him is great fun."  Mac smiled, getting the foreman to help them take apart the few thousand pound machine.  The fire department guys got the missing pieces out and over to the ME.

The floor manager looked.  "That's black."

Mac stared.  "That's true, it is.  Can you do a personnel check?"

"Yup."  He went to do that.  He came back with three missing people and the present manager said two were off and the other was Tunisian.  Unfortunately that skin was too dark for him too.

The ME looked over.  "So we're missing more than one body?" she demanded.

"Apparently," Mac said calmly.

She looked.  "Boys, check the other machines.  You're making me wait."  They went to do that.  They found them in another one.  They got them out of them and were told how it fed into the other one.  That's where the rest of the missing parts were.  Including a head.

Flack walked over to look then grimaced.  "That's bad."  He went to talk to the workers.  He wanted to know about the victims.

Mac nodded.  "Very bad."  The ME nodded she agreed.  "Flack, have you checked the warehouse recently?"

"He's been too busy being an uncle to play poker, Mac."

"Okay."  He left it there.

"Beckett checks on him every few days," the ME said with a smile.  Mac smirked back.  They finished up and she got to leave.

***

Xander came home with the baby, looking at the gathered people.  Most were reporters.  But not looking at his place.  He looked at the baby then at his door.  "Rebecca, can you move?" he asked.  She flinched and got out of his way.  "Thanks."

"This is your place, Alexian?"  He pointed up.  "Oh, that's cute."

He grinned.  "I inherited the warehouse."  She nodded.  He used the baby to block his access code once he had swiped his card.  He walked in and shut the door, leaning against it.  The baby grinned at him again.  He did it again and went upstairs.  Once his laptop was back in the fireproof vault he went back down to teach her about the warehouse.  There were all new things on the inventory he wanted to see.  And a few things he called O'Neill about.  He went to bleed on the stone and came back to handle things.  One thing was listed as dangerous so he went to dismantle it.  That solved it from exploding.  He walked the pieces out, handing it to the officer.  "I have no idea," he told him.  "Somehow it ended up in the warehouse.  The only way things get in there is by my hand or magic so ....."  He handed over the box.  "It was in that."  He walked off again, going back inside.

The officer looked at the bomb.  "Taylor?" he called.  He came to the door and took the box and bomb.  "Some weird guy with a baby in a chest carrier...."

"Harris."

"Oh!"  He nodded.  "Figures."

"He'll handle it.  I'll check on him later."  The officer nodded, going back to his post.

"Was that a bomb?" one of the reporters called.

"Someone sent it to Harris," the officer said.  "He's disarmed it appropriately and handed it over."  They nodded and made note of that.  Plus where he lived.

Xander leaned out the door.  "If you guys camp out on my doorway I'm going to have to complain and start tossing dirty diapers at you."  He smiled.  "Don't worry about it!"  They sighed but nodded.   "Thank you!  Say thank you, Olivia?"  She beamed and babbled at them.  "Good girl."  He closed the door and went back inside.  Someone beamed in.  "We're covered in reporters because there were dead bodies in a machine across the street, Jack."

"That's fine."  He followed Xander to that room of higher tech stuff, being handed the thing Xander had written him about.  "Huh."  He shrugged and took a few other things.  "Thanks, kid."

"Welcome, Jack."  He got something else and brought it back.  "It's listed as just appeared.  It's a charger of some sort.  No idea of what."

"I'll send it to McKay to see if he can figure it out."

Xander beamed.  "Cool.  Have a good dinner.  Olivia, can you tell General Jack bye bye?"

"Bye!" she said loudly, smiling and waving at him.

"You're so adorable," he said, patting her on the head.  He took the things back to the mountain.  "Ended up in the warehouse," he said.  Carter moaned, getting up to look at things.  He pointed.  "He said that was a charger?"

"We'll see," she decided.  She couldn't figure out what was wrong with the connector but it would probably fit something on Atlantis.  The other things she fixed so they weren't dangerous and wouldn't disappear again.  They had to set up a routine exploration of whatever warehouse they ended up at to make sure nothing else disappeared.  She went to ask Jack O'Neill about it.  She didn't believe the whole 'bigger inside than outside' thing he said because that was just science fiction tv shows.

***

Tara sat down across from Xander at lunch on the first day off she had in a while.  "Maybe we should let her go to daycare instead of interviews."  He put down his burger to stare at her.  "Someone recognized her at the library again."

He sighed.  "It's not a bad idea but I don't want to let her get into trouble.  What happens if her magic comes out while there?"

"One of my coven works with the toddlers," she said with a smile.

"I'd like to meet her."

"We can do that.  Dinner?"

"Only if you're cooking.  I need groceries.  That's why she's at daycare and I'm having lunch."  Tara sighed but was smiling.  "We're down to boxes of bad milk."

"Figures."  She leaned on the table.  "You need to eat better."

"We eat just fine.  Dean even got her to like vegetables beyond salad."

"That's sweet of him."  She smiled.  "Sam's girlfriend wrote me an email."  He grinned.  "Thanks."

"I figured she had worries about dating a hunter and you're good at talking to those who want to enter the life."  He smirked.

"Thank you."  He grinned and ate another bite.  "You should go vegan."

"Eww."

"Fine."  She smiled.  "Want help grocery shopping?"

"Sure.  Just not too many veggies."  He ate another bite and put down his burger to take a sip of his soda.  "I'm starting to feel all too regular and normal again."  She snickered, shaking her head.  "I haven't even gotten into a fight in weeks.  I know why Dean said he was feeling like the wife before he went back on the road."

She patted him on the wrist.  "I can probably come over tonight."  He beamed.  "Beth's having girl moments."

"All of you do," he said dryly, getting swatted.  He smirked.  "You do."

"Some more than others."  She texted Beth, getting a pouty, sad emoticon back.  She called.  "I was going to spend some time with Olivia tonight, Beth, and you said you weren't feeling well.  I thought you wanted some time alone."  She smiled at him.  "That's fine, I'll do it tomorrow.  We'll cuddle tonight.  Grocery shopping."  She rolled her eyes.  "No, Xander wanted advice on vegetables for Olivia.  You know he doesn't like them, Beth."

He took the phone.  "Beth, I'm sorry I'm monopolizing Tara's time when you need her to cuddle because you feel nasty."  He listened.  "No, nothing like that.  You know I'm not a great cook and she's bored with what I can do with vegetables but we all know she needs more because she's growing.  I want to give her more than the simple salads we taught her about."  He smiled.  "Exactly.  She's good since she's a vegan.  But I don't know any other vegans, Beth.  And she's got half custody.  So that means she's got to help me some."

He smiled at her.  "I know, that's why you haven't had the baby all that often.  I know you hate kids and hate being the mommy, that's why I keep her most of the time.  Yup, because I do read people pretty well, Beth.  You know that."  He grinned.  "No, I'm making her help me grocery shop for us.  We're so out of food not even my screwed up diet could find something.  Yeah, exactly.  Unless the baby wants to live on twinkies we have to grocery shop.  I'll have her home by then.  Did you need her to pick anything up?"  He grinned, making a note.  "Okay, we can do that.  Feel better, Beth.  Have a good bath too, it always helps Tara."  He hung up and shook his head, handing over the note.

"I can do that and start dinner," Tara decided, putting it into her pocket.  "She does need better than your usual diet."

Xander nodded.  "But she needs red meat too."

"I know, she needs protein."  She stole a fry.  "Daycare then grocery?"

"Grocery then daycare.  Or else she begs."  She nodded.  Xander finished his lunch and they went to the grocery store.  Once things were up, Xander drove them to the daycare so they could sit down with that coven member and talk to her about Olivia's magical outbreaks.  She had seen one and blocked it so they made plans for it so Xander could drop her off for interviews and other work related things that took him from the house.  Olivia got let in and she squealed, coming over to sit in Xander's lap and show him the block.  "That's a very pretty block, Olivia.  Did you bring that in?"

"No," the worker said with a grin.  "Can I have it?" she asked, holding out a hand.  Olivia pouted.  She stared.  "Please?"  Olivia handed it over.  Xander pulled out the new hair bow and put it into her hair, earning a grin.  He pointed at Tara, who got a smile and a wave.

"She's forgetting me," Tara pouted.

Olivia pouted back and reached for her, letting Tara cuddle her.  "Good?" she asked with a smile.

"You're very good for Auntie Tara, Olivia.  We love you."  She cuddled her.  "I'll be with you tomorrow night and we'll have auntie time."  She grinned and the baby grinned back.

"She's got a good hand being a manipulative toddler."  Xander moaned.  "She'll put on a good show to get attention and then act all shy and wave and smile and coo."  Xander nodded.  "Anytime someone brings a book up to a desk she looks around for a pen or the toy that looks like a scanner."  They grinned.  "You guys have taught her some really weird things but she's a good baby most of the time.  Though, she needs more pants, Xander."  He pointed at Tara, who nodded and rolled her eyes.  "For in here, pants."  Xander nodded.  "Potty training starting soon?"

"How in the hell do I do that?" he asked.  The other woman laughed. "Seriously?"

"We'll work on it and teach you what we're doing.  She's not fully ready but it's time to start thinking about it."  Xander nodded.

"With the upstairs and downstairs you'll want two potty chairs," Tara said.  Xander nodded.  "We'll work on that soon.  She's not quite two yet."  She looked down.  "We'll get you some cute pants too."

"She's getting a bit bigger," Xander said.  The daycare worker nodded.  "So it's time to move up sizes of diapers and clothes."

"We can do that."  She cuddled her.  "We'll take her older stuff to the consignment or thrift store."  Xander nodded.   "She likes wearing dresses."

"That's because it makes her feel like a girly girl.  I'm thinking Willow was having bad version of womanhood again thanks to Buffy."

"Could be," Tara said.  "Not the first time Buffy's given her odd thoughts."  She kissed her on the head.  "You need a trim."

"She likes it when it curls and I'm trying to get it to french braiding length."  He leaned back.  "Someone asked me about schools on the website."

Tara considered it.  "What's being said in Devon?"  Xander shrugged.  "We have a year."  He shook his head.  So did the daycare worker.  "We don't?"

"The three best schools have two year waiting lists and they decide early," the daycare worker said.  "I ended up sending mine to catholic school because of that."

"I want her somewhere good.  She's clearly bright.  Her mommy was almost a genius level brain.  Her daddy's fairly people and street smart."

"It's nice that Daniel is like the Irish version of you," Tara agreed.  "Without the battle axe or artillery."

"He knows how to use both.  I taught him when she had colic," Xander said with a grin.  Tara pinched him on the arm, earning  a scowl from the baby.  "I deserved that, Olivia.  Don't scowl at Auntie Tara."  He looked at her.  "Any other orders or things that'd make things easier?"

"Will she eat regular food?"

"I don't feed her baby food," Xander said.  "She eats whatever I'm eating.  I tend to feed her then eat myself."  That got a nod and a smile.  "She's had everything from steak to salad and she loves salad as long as it has ranch dressing."

"We taught her that in response to him teaching her about twinkies," Tara agreed.

"That's good.  Is she an omnivore?"

"Yes," Xander said.  "I eat half of anything.  Including meat and some veggies."

She nodded.  "I'll make that note."  She smiled and tossed the block into the other room when she spotted a coworker cleaning up toys.  Olivia pouted at her.  "You can play with them the next time you're in."

"We can get you blocks later," Xander promised.  "When we're clothes shopping."  Olivia squealed and bounced.  "Are you sure you aren't the daughter of Buffy?"  Tara snickered, shaking her head.  "Okay, pants, sneakers?"  She nodded.  "Hair things being a problem?"

"No.  She shows them off to the other girls, who like them.  It's all good.  She doesn't look like Pebbles, which is the usual baby hairstyle."  She smiled.  "You're doing okay, Xander."  Xander beamed and shook her hand, kissing her on the cheek.  They left after signing Olivia out.  She went to talk to her boss.  "Xander Harris has agreed to make her like girlish pants.  Apparently Tara had been buying all the cute clothes and dresses."  Her boss smiled.  "So we'll get her in more pants, more often when he's got interviews, and they'll start thinking and learning about potty training and talking about schools."

"Good plan.   Why the long conference?"

"The block shifting stuff."

"That's reasonable.   You've done good with her."  The younger woman smiled.  "Thank you for the dress thing."

"Some girls only like dresses."  She shrugged.  "She'll do fine."  She went to help clean up.  They were mostly done for the day, only the usual few late kids.  "Who wants to do a puzzle?"  The kids squealed and ran over to help her.  They loved the big, fuzzy, soft puzzles some of her friends made.

***

Xander sat down the next day beside Rick at the station, staring at him.  "School."  Rick winced.  "Yeah, that's why I'm thinking."

"School's something you have to think about.  A good school is expensive."

"What if I put her on a waiting list and they come back?"

"They'll understand as long as you're honest with them."  Xander nodded at that, hugging her.  "How is her daycare in education stuff?"

"In a few years they'll be working more on the workbook system but for right now she's leaning colors and words."

"That's good for her age."  He smiled.  "Relax."

"What's good?"

"There's a whole listing.  You can buy the book, look at the listing, and make a decision after some tours."

"And they'll accept her even if I might not have custody?"

"They deal with a lot of divorced kids, Xander.  They're used to custody issues, even if yours is a bit involved."  Xander relaxed and grinned.  "As for good schools?  I hated Alexis' first day school by the end of third grade.  Everything had changed, the teachers got worse, she quit learning for a bit."  Xander nodded.  "There's a few good ones.  Get one close by because you'll be rushing in a few times.  Sometimes it'll be rainy or you'll have car troubles.  Check religious affiliation.  With her mom being Wicca and her dad being Catholic, that's going to be a fight they'd be having themselves."

"So non-denom," Xander said.  Rick nodded.  "High education but not totally pushy."  That got another nod.  Beckett handed him a name and address.  "Is that a catholic school?"

"Up the street from the library.  It's a good day school.  It's got a good academic olympics at the mid level.  It's a tiny school.  It's selective but not snotty about it.  It has rich kids and poor kids that go there.  There's no stigma of poor kids on scholarship."  Xander beamed at that.  "Their lower years aren't bad and they still have recess, which a lot of schools don't."

"I like that."

"It'll encourage her brains and let her play but won't get too pushy."

"I'd like that.  Thank you, Beckett."

"Welcome."  She smiled.

"Your alma matter?" Rick teased her.

"No.  One of my friends went there and I used to help him with his homework because he hated math."  She smiled at the sleeping baby.  "She's comfy."

"She's growing," Xander said.

"They do that," Rick agreed.  "Sometimes they'll wake up a whole different size than the day before."

"The daycare wanted her in more pants so we had to get her pants she liked and showed her what donation was."

"That's how kids learn to be socially responsible."  Rick smiled.  "You have a year.  Drive by the schools to look at them and then make your list for visits.  Hit the classrooms, the caf during lunchtime, and talk to the principal."  Xander nodded.  "Make sure you put her education costs in an interest bearing account so you can't touch it even in an emergency."  Xander nodded better at that.  "Factor in at least five years for right now and you can add to it each year.  It's even tax deferred in this state."

"That'd be good.  I pay way too much."  Beckett smirked at him.  "I do."

"If you make more you pay more.  That's the way the system works."  She pointed at the baby.  Xander looked and shifted her, letting her lay in his arms.  "Go change her.  We have a changing room, Xander."  He nodded, taking her to do that.  "How many did you look at for Alexis?"

"Three the first time but when I got pissed off at them ninety-three.  I saw about every school in the city."  Xander came back with her in a new outfit and awake.  She squealed and grabbed Detective Ryan to cuddle around the head.

"Hi, princess."  He patted her hands and accepted the kiss, smiling at her.  "Thank you, dear."  She beamed and waved at his partner.  "Why don't you hug him?"

"You were in the path of walking," Xander said.  He let her hug him then she came back to him and they sat down.  "How hard is the application?  You hear things about letters of recommendation, tests, all sorts of things."

Rick stared at him.  "Unless you're paying over fifteen grand a year, no.  Those are for the really rich and those who want to play with them.  Pick one with good academics, good activities, and teachers you can stand.  The catholic ones might mind that you're bi but I doubt you want to go that way anyway."  Xander nodded.  "Music is good and she likes music, right?"

"Yeah, we dance around sometimes."  Xander grinned.  "And the pool.  She likes to swim and help me stretch in the mornings."

"That's good for her.  Let her pick what she wants to do.  She's too young for anything but the pushiest of parents putting their kids in sports and dance classes hoping for a phenom."  Xander nodded at that.  "Teach her sports, take her to museums, take her to play and she'll pick what she likes to do."

"I can do that.  And then tell her daddy when they get back?"

"Daniel's a good father, he'll listen to what she's learned and what she likes to do," Beckett said.

He nodded.  "Thanks, guys."  He got up and took her to the car.  "Let's get a drink and then go home."  She nodded, smiling at him.  He took her to a bar, which wasn't really a baby place to be but he had learned that Daniel's cousin worked there.  He walked in and sat at the bar, staring at the bartender.  "George?"

"In the back," the bartender said without looking up from his paper.  "George!"

He came out wiping his hands.  "Yeah?  Olivia!" he sighed, taking her to cuddle.  "Who're you?" he demanded.

"Xander.  I wrote Daniel's mother and haven't heard anything."

"Auntie said someone had her."  He sat down.  "She's grown since he sent pictures."

Xander nodded.  "She's growing right now actually."  He smiled.  "I wrote your mom to see if she knew what's in Daniel's will for her, George."  He glared.  "He's off realm.  I've seen Willow spirit walking once.  We've looked at Willow's and she left Olivia to me and Tara."

"I get that," he agreed.  "Though I'm not sure I could stand a witch."

"So's her mom and so's Olivia," Xander said, making him look so sad.  "We've kept her from breaking too bad with it but if she's frustrated it'll open doorknobs and grab toys."  That got a nod.  "We've got that under control but we need to know what Daniel wanted.  It could be a year or more."

"I get that."  He handed her back and Xander sat her on the bar, letting her look around with a scowl.  "She's a girly little thing."

"Yeah, quite often."  He grinned.  "She enjoyed dressing up when I had to bring her to interviews."  He got a funny look.  "I'm also Alexian Harris, the author."

"Oh!  Yeah, I heard about that stuff."  He called.  "Auntie, didn't you get a letter from the states and the guy that brought us that letter from Danny?"  He listened.  "I'm looking at Olivia.  Her Ma's will gave her to Xander, that one that brought us the letter, or Tara, her ex."

"We're splitting custody but I have her most of the time," Xander told him.

"Yeah, them, Ma.  Is there a demon threat?"

"There's a few who'd love her for her inherited skills but they're damn sure they don't want to tangle with me over her," Xander said honestly.  "Or Tara.  Tara made it *real* plain to a few."  He nodded and said that.  He adjusted her shirt.  "You're too young to flash belly button, young lady."  He kissed her on the nose, earning a grin and a giggle.  "We'll go home soon.  That way you can chase the cats around again."  George hung up.  "What's she know about Daniel's wishes?"

"She said his will's from before her birth and it left everything to his wife.  Though I heard they had problems?"

"Willow's struggled with her magic addiction a few times.  Willow's the sort that showing mastery got her attention she craved and needed so she was the school genius and all that.  Magic came as another one of those things that got her notice."  George grimaced but nodded.  "Tara and others have never had that problem because they accept what they can do as a gift and use it responsibly that way.  Which is how she's being taught, even by Daniel.  Tara's been handling that part of her education and growth because she is active.  Willow transported them across the country a few times and went to reminisce in Sunnydale a few times, all that."  George nodded.  "Did you want visitation for the family?  I'm fairly certain your aunt could throw legal fits that none of us want right now.  It'd only cause her problems and pain and none of us want that."

"That's not a bad thing.  I can visit?"

"Yeah."  Xander wrote down his address and phone number.  "Call first so I can make sure we're home and let you in because I have a security system."  George nodded and smiled, taking her to cuddle.  "That's your cousin, Olivia.  His name is George."

She cooed and petted his hair.  He whispered in her ear and she squealed, kissing him.  "Been missing your Da's accent?" he teased with a grin.  Xander nodded.  "Then it's good your uncle has sense."

"If I had remembered you were here earlier I'd have brought her as soon as we got back."  He grinned.  "We're having her birthday in seven days in the park.  She's having a great cake and a lot of playing time.  If it's raining it'll be at my place."  He nodded with a smile. "She'll be two.  We're also talking about schools."

"Catholic," he said.

"Her mother's Wicca and Jewish."

"Oh, dirt," he muttered.  She hugged him.  He patted her.  "You're a good girl, Olivia."

"Often.  When she's not....  She's usually chasing my cats."  George laughed.  "I'm looking at schools now and got a good recommendation from a detective I know.  I want her somewhere good educationally."  He nodded.  "She's very smart even when she doesn't want to show it.  I know they could come back at any moment and we'll figure that out but otherwise we're doing okay.  We have a good daily routine that includes some exercise in the pool and some playing time while I write."  That got another nod.  "She's eating very well.  I'm a decent enough cook and Tara makes sure I feed her enough veggies.  Even though her aunts have taught her that evil salad creature as long as it has ranch dressing."

"Good to know," he said with a grin, looking at her.  "You like salad?"  She kissed him.  He grinned.  "You're a loving little thing, Olivia."  She snuggled in again.  "Thank you."

"I'd never want to keep her family from her.  Daniel's a nice guy.  I like him more than I like Willow most of the time anymore."

George nodded.  "We've heard."  He handed her back, getting pouted at.  "None'a that, Olivia.  I'll see you in a few days, for your birthday."  She grinned shyly and hid her face.  "She's got the best you can?"

"I'm doing the best I can for and with her.  She's as close as I'm getting to kids without magic helping or adopting."  George nodded.  "Call, let me know when you want to visit.  We'll work out taking her to the park and things.  I used to go read in the park once a week.  I have a nice garden area on my patio and things too."  He put the diaper bag over his shoulder.  "Ready to go home and get lunchies?"  She beamed and kissed him.  "I love you too, 'Liv."  He shook George's hand.  "Let me know if your mom wants pictures or anything.  I know you're family."  He nodded and smiled so Xander left with her.

George called his aunt back to talk to her.  She had hated Willow but she knew that the baby was in good hands and if Xander was willing to let them visit they'd take advantage to check on her.  He had to break her heart about having magic like her mother but that was all right.  She'd adapt and move on.  Tara was a good witch with what she'd done for the city.  She did want pictures from the birthday and he agreed.  He told her the boy was thinking about school stuff and that she was apparently brainy like her mother, because Daniel hated school.  So she was satisfied enough with that and he'd watch to make sure she wasn't getting hurt or anything funny going on.

The bartender looked at him.  "You know that's the guy that helps with those demon things, right?"  George gaped.  He nodded.   "Yeah, he is.  With that Tara girl.  They're like siblings at times."  He smiled.  "He's very safe for her and I've never heard it said that he'd want to hurt that baby.  He threatened to destroy the whole world if anyone touched her after they took her parents."  He grinned.  "He's also said to be a goofy gun nut with cats."

"He's a bit weird but she seems happy."

"He's had to bring her to some interviews for new books.  They all say that she's adorable and has a lot of personality.  She likes being dressed up.  Heard she went to the library a few times with her aunt.  Knows other hunters because we've seen her clinging to the Winchesters."

"That's good though, means she's protected and more are looking out for her."

The bartender smiled.  "He meant it, he'd kill everyone over that baby."

George smiled.  "Good!  I like that.  So would her Da."  He went back into the kitchen to get back to making food for the later rush times.  He'd have to spend a lot of time with his cousin, make sure she grew up normal and not one of those rich snobs you laughed at on tv.

***

Xander yawned and stretched then answered his phone.  "Xander."  He listened.  "Ghostly or for real?"  He nodded.  "We've seen her once in ghostly form.  How pregnant does she look?  So we can tell how fast time is moving there."  He listened and grimaced.  "Yeah she was when she visited.  No, we're home.  Any luck on their side for getting back?"

He sighed.  "Okay, so we're still on the Devon coven doing something.  Thanks for letting me know.  Thinking about looking at schools for her actually.  So yeah, something I wanted to know."  He grinned.  "Thanks, Andrew.  At the library.  No, it's Thursday, right?  Then she's at home with Beth.  Probably cuddling on the couch.  Thanks, man.  Let me know if that changes.  Yup, next week.  Cake and all.  Two whole years old and still pretending very well."

He grinned at her when she looked up at him.  "Thank you."  He hung up and called Tara.  "She showed up in ghostly form again but wasn't pregnant anymore, looked like she was nursing."  Tara moaned.  "So it's moving faster.  She said there's no hope from their side because it'll take a whole new portal and she doesn't have any reference links here.  So yeah, it'll be a while.  So we need to start looking at schools."

He winced.  "Want to come here?  No, that's fine.  You two will figure it out, Tara.  You know you will and if she's mean to you remind her I'll beat her to death.  Sure.  Laters."  He hung up.  "Well, it's not happy news," he said, reaching over to stack a block for her.  She swatted at him and did it instead.  Now he had to have the scary, heavy daddyhood thoughts.

TBC...

Chapter 26: Watching Her

Some mundane things are interrupted by Beth, and then later on by some watchers.

Xander walked Olivia into the police station.  "Guess what," he said with a grin.

"What?" Beckett asked, sounding tired.

"The people I like can insure her and I can go on her policy to get around them thinking I do stupid stuff."  He beamed.  "So I have insurance again."

"Good job."  She took the baby to cuddle, getting hugged back.  "Thanks, Olivia."

She stared at her.  "Good?"

"I'm very good."  She kissed her on the nose.  "Are you going to an interview?"

"We're going to do baby pictures for her paternal grandparents.  Do you think that's too dark?"  Beckett shook her head, handing her back.  Xander looked at the board.  "Someone magic.  That's sacrificial rituals."  He looked at her.  "Tara's out of town at the library conference for two days."

"I'll call Sam."  She smiled.  Xander beamed back, proud of having helped.  "Go do picture things.  I'm sure others will want some."

"Should I get some for you guys?"

"We'll come stare at her in person," Detective Ryan said with a grin.  "My fiancee might get jealous if I started carrying around pictures of other girls."

Xander kissed him on the head, letting Olivia do the same thing.  "That's because she knows other girls watch your butt even if you ignore it, Kevin."  Olivia beamed at him and hugged his head then they left.

He shook his head.  "He's in a good, happy mood today."

"Apparently," she agreed, taking down a picture to email to Sam Winchester then she called.  "I sent you a crime scene photo.  Is that a sacrificial thing?"  He looked and told her, letting her make notes.  "Can you send me the full rite and any qualifications?  Thanks, Sam."  She hung up.  She called the ME.  "Very fast question on that sacrificial murder.  Was she virginal?  Sam Winchester said there's two different rituals."  She made a note and sent him an email that she was.  "Thanks, Lanie."  She hung up.  "Sam and Dean have stopped this ritual before."  Kevin Ryan grinned.  "Where's Esposito anyway?"

"Talking to his mother, who's in the hospital after falling.  She's complaining at herself and he's trying to keep her from nagging the nurses."  She smiled at that.  "He said to call him when we go to start questioning.  Apparently she started on lacking grandkids already."

"Sure, we can do that."  She saw the new email icon flash and got into it.  Sam had sent her the link to the three information sites for future reference and the rite itself.  She read it over, letting him roll his chair over to read over her arm.  "That sounds like that guy Zoltan or whatever down in the Village."

"That poser that just moved in and wanted to be Doctor Strange?  Yup."  They got up and he called his partner on the way out the door.  Javier clearly needed some temper easing time.

***

Xander carried the bag into the hospital, smiling at the pacing man.  "Here, hold her."  He handed over Olivia and brought the bag in, smiling at the older woman, who was looking stunned.  "He's one of my niece's favorite cooing toys."  He handed over the bag.  "Javier had me grab this from my house for you so you weren't so bored.  It's a few puzzle books and a coloring book with crayons because he said a kid up the hall kept visiting to get some attention."

She smiled and patted his cheek, saying something in Spanish.

He blushed and shook his head.  "He'd never date me.  I only draw bad boys and he's clearly not.  You did an excellent job with him.  He's a very respectful minion to Beckett and he's a good friend to have."  He grinned.  "But if he wants to fuss over Olivia I'll let him.  She needs to learn more about good boys."  She cackled and nodded.  He left the room to take the baby back.  "I told her you were spoiling Olivia, not one of my bad boy posse, because she did such a good job on you."  He grinned.

"Thanks, kid.  She did since I'm not anywhere near bad enough for you."  He tweaked her ear.  "Are you getting her ears pierced?"

"Willow threw the most *massive* fit at Daniel when he suggested they do it soon after her birth."

"Ah.  So when she's old enough to take care of them?"

"Willow hates body mod people and her ears aren't pierced either.  Her mother told her how it was deviant and trying to create an identity in the wrong way and all that."  He waved a hand.  "So she'll make that decision when she's old enough."

Javier Esposito smiled and let Xander leave.  He walked in there.  "I'm glad he still had those from when Dean cranked his back in the shower."  He sat beside her bed.  "Coloring book?"

"For when the boy up the hall comes back."

He smiled.  "That's really nice of him."  He helped her get comfortable so she could do a few of them.  She was bored and in here for the rest of the week.  "Mama, do you want someone to come in for a few weeks to help with the housework?"

"There's a few young ladies in the neighborhood who could use the money.  I'll hire one of them after you scare them stupid, like usual."  She looked at her grinning son.  "Which is why I don't have a grandbaby."

"I'd go date Xander because he's always fun but I don't think he'd like that too much."  She laughed, shaking her head.  "I'll find one some day, Mama.  When I'm not working as many hours."  She nodded and handed him a book of puzzles she didn't like.  He settled in to do them.  A nurse came in to fuss over her and she had to let her because she had made one cry, which was why her son was on vacation to help her.

***

Xander looked up from proofreading when Daniel's form appeared in front of him.  "Howdy."  He pointed.  "She's napping."

"She's still so tiny," he said with a grin.

"We figured out time is going faster over there."

"Tiny bit," Daniel sighed.

"She's just had her second birthday."  He started the film he had taken and let him see it.  Daniel was grinning.  "I found your cousin so he can pass back stuff to your family."

"Thanks, Xander."  He smiled at his girl.  "Giles said if we can get some of her blood we can create a sympathetic portal."

Xander looked at him.  "How would we get some over there, Zen Master?" he asked dryly.

"Hmm, good point.  I think he's going nutters.  By the way she has a brother."  Xander smirked.  "And Willow may be up the duff again, not totally sure.  Either that or Buffy poisoned only her with her cooking."

Xander nodded.  "Sounds like what I've written about morning sickness, yeah."  He grinned.  "The witches can't find you even on that plane.  You're shielded too hard or something.  If she could join with them when they're searching, then they could probably work something out."

"I'll let her do this next to them.  Devon?"  Xander nodded.  "That's good.  I'll have her get in touch with them so they can work on it."  He smiled at his girl.  "She's so sweet."  Xander shook his head.  "No?" he asked with a smirk.

"Someone tried to pickpocket us so she screamed 'no, bad boy' and lectured him in baby babble.  He was not amused.  The cop that arrested him after I made him beg was but he wasn't.  She was still chewing him a new one when the officer got there.  Two of the poker circuit locally were really pleased that she was turning into Joyce."  Daniel cackled, losing cohesion and disappearing.  Xander looked over.  Olivia was still asleep.  He stopped the film and got to work on the next baby series book.  He had liked that one.  He also IM'd Rick to let him know he had a great idea on that one if he wanted it.  And what they had said about over there.

***

Rick read the message that popped up.  "Huh.  Daniel's showed up as a ghost."

"Literally?" Beckett asked.

"It's something Willow figured out how to do from wherever.  It's like being out of your body."  He put his phone up.  "And he has a nice idea for the next in that  baby series."  She smiled, shaking her head.  "Did you hear that she yelled at a mugger?" he asked her.

She burst out laughing.  "I did hear that from the officer that arrested him."  She shook her head.  Rick grinned.  "She's got a huge personality."

"Yes she does," Esposito said from his seat.  "My mother wanted visitation after meeting her."

Kevin Ryan looked confused.  "She did what?"

"She yelled 'no, bad boy' at the guy she caught trying to mug Xander and then scowled and babbled at him until the officer saved him," Beckett said with a grin.  "Xander got him held down and she went off on him."

Ryan grinned.  "I love that little girl.  Some day I want kids like her."

"What did your fiancee say?" his partner teased.

"She wanted to know if we could adopt her from Xander and Tara.  Tara scowled and made Olivia scowl at her."  He grinned.  "She pouted and accepted 'semi-aunt' status.  She and Tara are planning how to keep Olivia in cute, girlish things."

Beckett shook her head but she was smiling.  "She's very happy in a dress, which wasn't the girl I was, but she's adorably girlish when she is."  They all nodded.

Captain Montgomery came out to stare at them.  "Problems?"

"Sharing Olivia news," Esposito quipped with a grin.  "She scolded and babbled at a mugger for Xander."

The captain shook his head.  "Some day we'll see her with a sword and a pretty dress."  He went back to his office shaking his head the whole way.  He adored that little girl, they all did, but she was a bit...strange.

***

Olivia appeared in a beam of light and a squeal, then scowled at a demon.  "Bad!" she shouted.  It fled.  She smiled at John, waving.  "Hi!"

"How did you get here?" he demanded, pulling out his ringing phone.  "Yeah, Tara, I have her.  How did she do that?"  He sighed.  "Idiots.  Are they in pieces?  Oh, you had her instead of Xander so Beth's beating them.  I'm in Arizona."  He smirked.  "Sure, I'll bring her back.  No, scowled at the demon and she fled.  Thanks, Tara."  He hung up and looked at her.  "Well, looks like we've got an easy night, Olivia."  She beamed at him and patted his scruffy cheek.  "I know I need a shave."  A new demon appeared and she scowled.

The demon stared at her then at John.  "Grandchildren finally?" he taunted with a smirk.

"Rosenburg's daughter."

"Oh."  He backed up and bowed to her.  "I will not pick on him because I do not want to face your uncle or aunt, young lady."  He avoided looking at her.

Xander appeared in a flash and shot the demon.  "No getting near Olivia unless we're playing poker."

"Of course not, Knight."  He fled.

Xander took the baby to cuddle.  "Hi, 'Liv.  Did the mean witchy from Devon try to send you away again?"  She patted him and grinned.  "It's all right, your Auntie Beth called me and I kicked her ass good and then nearly shot her too."

"We usually burn bad witches," John said.

"Tara would've sniffled.  Tara sent me by the way."  He looked at her.  "Now if only Auntie Tara had sent my wallet."  She giggled.  "Fine.  We'll get Auntie Tara to send stuff Fed Ex so we can get home."  He walked off with John.  There was an officer pulling in.  "Hi," he said with a grin.  The officers gave them a horrified look.  "A witch in New York sent her to John.  I got sent to retrieve her."

"Oh, dear," the officer said.  "Gunshots, sir?"

"Demon."

"Figures with who you two are.  Okay.  She's adorable."  Olivia smiled and waved.  "And smart."

"I'm trying really hard," Xander said with a grin he used on reporters.  "Can we hit the motel so I can tell her auntie she forgot to send my wallet?"  He nodded, letting them go.  "Have a good night, Officer.  Say bye, 'Liv."

"Bye, 'Fer!" she called with a wave and a grin.

John shook his head.  "She's very bright."

"And very flirty too.  Dean had to teach her not to flip up her dresses."  John shook his head quickly.  "He reminded her she has to find a man like Uncle Sam before she does that."

"Sam's a nice, decent boy.  I made sure of it."  He got into the truck and Xander got in beside him.  Xander got her buckled in and put an arm across her chest, getting it hugged.  "That'll do back to the motel."  He started the truck and drove off as carefully as he could.  "Where is your wallet?"

"In the kitchen, probably with the chicken that's in the oven burning by now?"

"You were at home."

"Yup and the witch pulled me to save her from Beth.  Pity."  He called her.  "I need her car seat, my wallet, and someone to go stop the chicken in the oven from burning, plus to feed the meowing things that think they own me."  He listened.  "Because my wallet's at home.  I was baking a chicken for diner and breakfast, and someone's got to feed the cats?" he guessed.  "Plus her carseat, Beth?  She can't ride without one."  He grinned.  "Exactly.  Thanks.  And a diaper bag if you can.  Thanks."  He hung up and sighed, shaking his head.  His phone beeped with a message.

"Tara sent you something Western Union for me."  John smiled, taking them to do that.  Xander had them put it onto a refillable visa card for now since it was such a large transfer.  They got her a car seat, diapers, and wipes, then took her back to the motel.  Xander got their own room and settled in with her.  She wouldn't care to wear the same clothes tomorrow.  The store hadn't had very many girl clothes and they were all ugly things in orange.

John settled in for the night and listened to Xander fuss at her next door.  He shook his head.  Xander was a very fussy father.

***

A week later they finally got back to New York and to the house, Xander letting them inside.  He sniffed.  Something was tragically dead.  He checked the cats first, they were all limp and tired looking but not sick.  He checked, no food.  He put out food.  "John, call the vet for me please?" he asked.  He took the chicken that was rotting in the oven out and tossed it out.  He got a baby bottle leftover from when they were nursing the kittens to get them water.  That pepped them up some.

He took the phone when John held it out.  "Hi, it's Xander Harris.  Apparently when I asked someone to cat sit because I got sent to Arizona by a witch, no one did.  No, they're alive but lethargic.  A week.  I've gotten them all to drink water.  Should I bring them in?"  He nodded.  "I can do that.  Thank you.  Yeah, definitely if they don't perk up some by tonight.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "We need very soft wet food and a push syringe feeder."  He took Olivia.  "Can you?" he asked, looking at him.

"Sure, kid."  He took the trash to throw out too.  He wondered what happened to Tara.

Xander got more water down them and petted them all.  "I'm sorry Auntie Tara didn't come, guys.  Daddy's home with Olivia and it'll be better.  Daddy's going to chew Tara  new one."  He called.  "Thank you for not feeding the cats so they're half dead and leaving the chicken to rot in the oven, Tara."  He hung up.  Olivia was cooing and petting them.  "Thanks, Olivia.  Be very gentle.  They're sick, like when you got sick.  Only worse."  He took the stuff John had gotten from the pet place, opening it to suck up some food and squirt it into the mouths.  He swallowed but wasn't enthusiastic.  "Cat carrier's in the closet," he said quietly with a point.  He fed the others.  Only one perked up some at that.  John got them in there and they went to the vet's office.  He walked in carrying it while John got Olivia.  "They won't swallow."

"Okay," she said, taking him back to a room.  "Doctor, Mr. Harris did have to bring them in.  They're not swallowing."  He came to check on them.  Xander was trying to get some of the gravy in the can down one's throat.  "Let me, dear."  He nodded, taking the baby to cuddle while they got an IV started and got to work.  "What happened?"

"Some witch sent Olivia to Arizona with John."  He head nodded at him.  "And then I got sent to protect her and bring her back here.  I asked Tara to take care of them.  I'm not sure why she didn't.  She also turned off the oven and left the chicken in there to rot."

"Ooh," the doctor said.  "She's always been a good pet owner."

"I'm not sure it was her," John admitted.  "She fusses over those cats like they're her babies.  The same as the kid does."  He patted him on the shoulder.  "They're not dead, it'll be handled, kid."

"They're not in as bad of shape as could be," the vet agreed, looking at him.  "Calm down.  They'll have to stay for a few days."  Xander nodded, swallowing hard and clinging to the baby.  "They'll be okay.  We just have to force some fluid and things.  We'll do a toxin test at the same time in case whoever did it fed them the wrong things on purpose."

"Then I'd kill them," Xander said bluntly.  "With malice."

The vet smiled.  "You're not the first who'd do that, Xander.  Let us handle them for tonight.  We'll call you tonight.  All right?"  He nodded, petting each one and kissing them on the head before walking out with the baby.  He smiled at the nurse.  "It's good he's usually so good to them."

"He's never had this problem before," she said.  "He's always had pet sitters.  We've gotten a few calls because they had been chewing on some of his plants."

"I remember."  He got them starting to drink and the nurse took over feeding light, soft stuff to them.  They were starting to perk back up.  One was even meowing.  Fortunately it was a light day for them today.  The nurses could fuss over them all they wanted.

***

Tara looked up when someone who was trying to soothe her went quiet.  "I sent Beth," she sobbed.

"They're with the vet's tonight," John told her.  "Beth left a chicken to rot in the oven?"

"No!  She'd never do that!"

Xander nodded.  "The vet started an IV and is feeding them soft stuff."  She nodded, taking Olivia to cuddle and calm herself with.  "Is Beth here?"

"No.  I don't know where she is."  She looked up.  "I asked her to Fed Ex your wallet and Olivia a bag of things."  John shook his head.  "At all?"  He shook his head again.  She huffed.  "I'll be talking with her."  She nuzzled Olivia.  "I'm so sorry, baby girl.  That witch that sent you to Uncle John is too.  Faith winced at how I screamed at her."  She cuddled in.  Tara finally got herself calmed down.  "I had no idea, Xander."  He nodded at that.  "Let me talk to her first?"  He nodded.  "Where is your wallet?"

He patted it down, finding it.  "My ID's not in it."  She moaned.  "Or my cards or my cash."

"Dirt!  If she did that I'm so broken up with her," she muttered.  "She can move."  She got up and stomped off to call Beth from the office.

John looked at him.  "Usually I think Tara's this sweet girl."

"She is until you screw with her."  He followed.  Tara was shouting.  "Voicemail?" he guessed.

"Yes, Goddess damn it!"  Olivia cooed and hugged her.  "It's all right, baby girl."

Xander sighed and called someone.  "I need to report my credit cards stolen please.  Presently I'm at the library with a friend.  I know some but they're in homicide.  Which might be a good idea to stop us from killing who I think took it.  Sure, I can go there.  Thank you."  He hung up and put his phone back.  "Station."

"Good."  She looked at her boss, who was still looking scared.  "Beth didn't feed his cats either.  They're at the vet's."  She gave Olivia a squeeze.  "May I please have a few hours off?"

"Sure, dear.  You go calm down.  You sound like you need it and we'd need you to yell more quietly at her."  Tara grimaced but nodded.  "I had to yell at my ex a few times too.  We go into the restricted room," she said with a grin.  Tara beamed back and nodded, taking them out to the car.  John was driving so that was fine.  Olivia got buckled into her seat.  John drove them to the police station and they went to talk to the desk sergeant, who had the forms they needed.  John got Olivia while they made the report.  But he let her down so he could answer the phone.

"Don't move," John told her.  She smiled at him.  He listened to Dean's current problem and gave advice, huffing a few times at the 'that didn't work' answers he got.  He didn't notice her wandering off.  She knew this building.  Her favorite uncles and auntie lived upstairs.   She got onto the elevator when it opened, patting the buttons.   She could only reach the bottom row but they were only two floors up.  The first time the door opened it wasn't them and it was dirty and nasty smelling, worse than a diaper, so she stayed on.  It went up and there they were.  She ran over and pounced her Uncle Kevin for a hug.

He looked down.  "Why are you wandering around here?" he demanded, picking her up to cuddle.  The elevator opened and John stomped off.  "Lost her?" he quipped.

"I was answering a problem for Dean."  He took her to cuddle.  "Didn't I say not to wander off?  You need to learn to listen, young lady."  She smiled at him.  "No, you're grounded."  He looked at them.  "FYI, they're down filling out a complaint because someone took Xander's cards and cash from his wallet instead of sending it and left the cats without feeding them for the last week."

"Seriously?" Beckett demanded.  John nodded.  "Do we know who?"

"Beth was supposed to send it and feed the cats.  She turned off the burning chicken but nothing else."

"Huh.  Well, if they get to the point of homicide, call us first," she ordered.

"I might need the help holding Tara back, yes."

"Cats?" Esposito asked.  "I know he considered them his kids before her."

"Vets.  On IV's."  That got a nod.  "Thanks, guys.  Sorry for letting her wander."  He carried her back down there talking to her about not walking away from the adults.  That it was bad.  Xander took her back, shaking his head.  "She went visiting."

"Most everyone who works here has seen me bring her in to talk about a date," he said dryly.  "I got three shocked calls on your way to get her."

"That's actually a good thing."  Tara finished up and they went to the vet's at her insistence.  The nurse smiled at her and let her back to help him fuss over them.  Olivia was petting what she could reach from John's arms.  The cats were definitely more perky and eating now.  When they got home, Xander had to toss out a few mattresses, the couch, and their litter boxes.  Plus his writing chair.  He got new ones ordered for delivery and it was nicer.  They went to sit outside.  John looked at the puddle.  "Kid, you need to snake that drain."

Xander went to look and shook his head.  "No clog that I can see."  He found his snake inside in the closet and used it.  "No, nothing's catching in the twenty-five feet."  He went to check from the bottom edge.  That was sealed with concrete.  He kicked the bottom piece of pipe off and looked around.  Nothing else had been tampered with.  He looked at the other drain and did the same thing.  He carried them back around the building.

"Who are you!" some guy shouted.

Xander stared at him.  "I live and own here.  Who the fuck are you?"  The man gave him a horrified look.  "And are you responsible for this?"  He held up a pipe.  The man sneered.  "I can kick your ass easily.  I'm actually in a very bad mood."  Someone walked toward them.  "Leave my shit alone.  I don't touch your stupid shit."  That one took a swing and Xander hit him with the piece of pipe, sending him down.  "Huh.  Good thing I have cameras."

"I don't see any," he sneered. Xander pointed.  "Um...."

Xander smirked.  "By the way, we can smell why you're on my street and his drugs just spilled out.  You think you wanna run?"  The man sneered so Xander held up his phone that had been dialed when he was yelled at.  "Cute crack rocks, dude."  The man lunged at Xander but Xander hit him with the other piece of pipe.  "Huh.  Look at that, rocks are bad for you.  Who knew," he said dryly, hanging up.  The officer up the street was giving him an odd look.  "They started it."

"I'm sure they did," he agreed.  "I saw that first one take a punch as I was parking.  What's wrong with those pipes?"  Xander showed him.  "Huh.  Probably trying to drive you out."

Xander smirked.  "This is an artifact warehouse, Officer.   It has all sorts of mystical bad things."  The officer shuddered.  "I protect the warehouse."  He smirked.  "I'll use something in it to fuck up their worlds because it's not been a great week.  So would you like their drugs?"

"Yeah, I would."  He arrested them and gathered the fallen drugs.  It was more than enough reason to search them.  "Go calm down, Mr. Harris?"

"I'm trying."  He looked at the surge of water that ended.  "Looks like the rain gutter system from up by the pool was full too.  I'll get new pieces of pipe tomorrow.  Thank you, Officer."

"Not a problem, sir.  Please calm down?"

"I will sometime this week.  He went back up.  He paused to order the two new pieces of gutter piping and then went back outside.  "The drug dealer wanted to know what I was doing.  He's under arrest and very quiet where I knocked him out."

John patted him on the back.  "It's good you're mean, Xander."  Xander nodded, going to check the pool area.  The overflow had wet down the bar area a bit but it was built to expect some water from rain storms.  The plug was still protected.  So they'd be fine.  He went back down to sit down.

Tara got up at the security system's beep, going down there.  "Yes, Officer?" she asked.

"Do you live here, ma'am?"

"He's up on the deck.  He's a bit pissed off.  Why?"

"Ma'am, this area isn't zoned for living," the officer said bluntly.

"That's funny, we checked with the city planning office and so did his architect."  The officer gaped.  She texted and Xander came down.  "Didn't we check?"

"Yes, I had Bob, the guy at the City Planning and Tax office, out to make sure how big my variance is."

"Oh," the officer said.  "One of the other plant's owners said it's not."  Xander pointed at the other apartments.  "Something about being on this side of the street?"

"I could've built it up another floor," Xander told him.  "You can tell them to bite me and with the week I've had, I'll call in a poker debt to flatten their puny buildings."  He smiled.  "Or use some of the artillery someone owes me as a poker debt."

"You probably shouldn't threaten in police view, sir," he said.

"Xander," Tara chided.

He looked at her.  "I don't care.  And if they're that big of idiots, then so be it.  Half of these plants here aren't working.  Two of them are occasional raves and one's trying to become a vamp sanctuary.  Thankfully I changed the bulbs."  He looked at the officer, who was whimpering.  He grinned.  "Which one?"  He pointed.  "Ah, the drug making guy.  He tried to give me shit when I first moved in and it was proven then that I could build up there."

"He's gotten statements from the mayor."

"That would be funny since the mayor's never come out here," Xander said dryly.  The officer moaned, shaking his head.  "I wonder if he's got a habit."  He leaned in the doorway.  "Beyond that, I own this building.  I inherited it."  He grinned.  "No one can tell me I can't do that in my own building after the city office said it was okay.  Tara, the whole file for the plans is in my office."  She went up to get it.  He smirked at the huffy man coming over.  "So, were the drug dealers that forced me to beat them earlier your friends or friends of the other supposed owners who're making drugs?"  He waved a hand.  "By the way, dude, meth stinks badly.  Kinda clear what you were doing since nothing industrial has that same stink."

The officer nodded.  "He does."  Tara brought down the file.  He looked it over.  "I do see a permit for construction of a living space," he said.  "From the City Planning office, who does handle that."  He handed it back to Xander then looked at the owner of the plant.  "I'm sorry, sir, but that means he's fully legal."

"The mayor said he's not," he sneered.

"Has the mayor actually seen the ones above your shop?" Xander asked dryly.  "By the way, yes I'm the reason you got raided by ICE agents for the illegals you're forcing to live up there."  The officer shuddered.  That had been on the news.  "Officer, is there anything else?  I'll protect the people who should legitimately live here.  That's why I called them, because a few were trying to escape and he had one shot."

"I heard that.  It was on the news."

Xander grinned.  "Cool."  He pulled out his keys and looked at the next building, pointing the keychain remote at it.  The lights suddenly flicked on and a few vampires that had went in screamed.  He turned them back off with a grin.  "UV lights.  Great against vampires."

The officer nodded.  "That's very interesting.  Do you own that one?"

"I asked the owner.  They're in holding trying for a sale and I said I had seen vagrants and vampires.  They allowed me to put in the UV lights to protect the property.  They got a bit stupid minded when my niece squealed at them."  He grinned.  Some beings ran out on fire.  He looked and timed it.  "Huh.  Interesting."  Tara sighed and went to handle it.  He smiled at the plant owner.  "I'd leave you alone but you keep trying to fuck with me, dude.  Seriously."

"I believe he should leave you alone, Mr. Harris.  You should probably call the Mayor about his statement."  He handed those over.

"I can do that.  Thank you."  He smiled.  "You have a better night, Officer, and hopefully a boring one."

"I can only hope so."  He went to check on that demon, who was now extinguished.  "Ma'am, do I have to file an assault report?"

She smiled.   "We have a city-wide demon council for that.  I've already called them to come handle it."

"Thank you, ma'am.  That's very nice of you."

"Easy night, Officer."  He grinned and went to his car.  She waited until the demon council people arrived.  "Xander put in UV lights against the vampires but he was set on fire."

"We can handle that, Tara.  Thank you."  She smiled and went back to help Xander calm down.  They went in to talk to the new hiding area.  Some things just couldn't be tolerated in New York.

***

Xander walked into the Mayor's office.  "Hi, can I have a moment of his time to ask him why he wrote a statement for someone about something he knew nothing about?" he asked the secretary.  She gave him a dirty look.  He held up both letters.  One from the guys at Planning.  One from the Mayor.

"I can tell him there's a problem."

Xander smiled.  "Please.  I'd like to know why.  Especially since the person he wrote it for was arrested this morning for making Meth."

"Oh, dear."  She went in to talk to him.  She came out.  "He thought it was all industrial."

"There's apartments on top of most of the buildings," he said dryly.  "Mostly occupied."  She let him in and he walked the letters over.  "If you had actually been to my neighborhood, you'd have seen that there's over three hundred units on the same block," he said dryly.  "That's from Planning."  He stared at him.

"No one would care, young man."

Xander leaned down.  "I and my niece do care.  So does my publisher and my reading public.  So does my bank account that's bigger than yours."  The mayor flinched.  He smiled.  "So would all my ex's that aren't in jail for being serial killers.  I'm perfectly nice and happy and sweet and gentle and kind until someone screws with me.  The guy who you wrote the letter for screwed with me and just got arrested for the meth he was making."  He stared at him.  "Leave me and mine alone.  I don't want to have to deal with this.  Making me deal with this means I get to be mean and evil."  He smiled sweetly.  "The nice detectives who keep arresting my ex's all want me not to go sob on one's shoulder.  Even the ones in Homeland and the CIA."  He grinned.  "Now, is there still a problem?"

"Um...."  The mayor stared at him.  "Was that a threat?"

"No.  That wasn't a threat."  He pulled out his phone and held up an article in the Times the weekend before.  "That's my ex too."  He grinned.  "Both the reporter and the one that got arrested.  Who's out on bail and stalking me around.  He's already heard and that's why the detectives wanted me to not sob on him."

The mayor read it and whimpered.  "Oh," he said weakly.  "I was clearly thinking of another neighborhood."

"Thank you."  He put his phone back and took the letters.  "Since he tried to have an officer enforce his will, we had to get that straightened out for certain."  He beamed and walked off.  He let the secretary copy it and then went to drop it with the officer's sergeant.  He walked in and people got silent.  "I'm here peacefully, guys.  Really.  I'm just dropping off forms."  He grinned.  They all relaxed.  He walked up to the desk sergeant.  "The guy who runs the meth making plant across the street tried to have me kicked out of my house through one of your guys."  He handed over the letter from the Planning board.  "That's from them saying that yes that is a residential living allowed area."

"Someone said something about that this morning.  And your gutters?"

"Someone sealed the ends of the pipes with concrete so I've got to fix that today."

He nodded, taking a copy of that letter for their records.  "I'll let them know, Mr. Harris.  Are you all right?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"No one saw you last week when there was a problem?  You weren't at home either."

"No, a witch who was fighting with Tara sent Olivia to John Winchester in Arizona and then me."  The officer shuddered.  "Without my wallet so we had to drive back.  We only got back yesterday.  Is it still a problem? I'm still in a really bad mood."

"No, sir, our slayer handled it."

Xander grinned.  "I adore Faith."  He wrote his number.  "Should someone try it again let me know and I'll gladly talk to them."

"Yes, sir, I'll put that in the report."

"Thank you."  Xander left, going home.  He found someone looking at his gutters.  "I'm fixing them today," he said, making one flinch.  "Someone poured concrete onto the bottom of them and it kept the drains on the rooftops from emptying."

"Sir, is this your building?"  Xander held up the papers.  "Oh, that's interesting.  Not why I'm here.  There's a tax issue because you're claiming more square feet than you could possibly have."

Xander let them inside and he stared in awe at the building.  "It's magically spread.  She set up a trust to pay for the square footage we actually have."

"Is this up to fire codes?"

"There's fire suppressant gear all over."  He turned on more lights to show him.  "Most everything in here is mystical or magical so it's on a foam system."  He grinned.  "There's the non-stretched basement areas as well."

"Wow."  He looked.  "How big is it?"

"She estimated I think.  No idea.  Not sure if it would expand more if we got more stuff."

"May I?"  Xander led him around and to some of the side rooms.  He estimated.  "I think she over estimated."

"I have no idea how we'd measure it since it takes a whole day to walk all the way to the back wall."  He got the clipboard with the plans on it.  It had measurements when he considered the rooms.  The guy smiled and made notes on the actual square feet up and downstairs.  Plus the house.  "I've been paying the extra for the house."

"That's reasonable."  He let Xander lead him up there.  "Nice security."

"They're put in there so someone can't use them," Xander admitted.  That got a nod.  The guy took measurements electronically up there too and refigured it up.  "Hey, I have more than I thought."

"With the decks both finished that way it counts as outdoor, improved space, which is slightly expensive but she overestimated the warehouse by nearly two thousand square feet so it'll actually lower your bill by a few dollars."  He smiled and printed his form.   "Who handles that trust?"  Xander found that information for him.  He scanned it into his computer and then went to the office to correct that file.  It was a nice job and very weird but very something the hunting team locally would do.

Xander sent an email to the trust's oversight person.  Then he went to fix those gutters.  This time they were sealed in a way that meant no one could get concrete into them and they went directly into the grate they had to put in for drainage.  That was solved and it was pretty.  Then he went up to make lunch.  John and Tara had Olivia at the baby doctor because John had noticed her scalp had a few scratches and it looked like dandruff.  She had volunteered and wanted to ask nosy questions about Olivia's shots so he'd let her.

It was keeping her from ripping into Beth.

***

Xander walked into the police station, smiling at them.  "I'm told you guys found my credit cards?"

"Yes, sir."  He got that envelope and the report copy.  "Here you go, for the credit card company."

He grinned.  "They'll adore that I'm sure."  He looked in the envelope.  "No money?"  He shook his head.  "Dirt, there was close to fifteen hundred in it.  Guess I need to sell more copies of the next few books."  The officer grinned.  Xander smirked back.  "Thank you.  Her girlfriend?"

"Had them on her."

"Did she explain the cats or the chicken?"

"She said she refused to touch meat that was being cooked.  Some vegan thing we guessed."  Xander nodded.  "And she hates cats."

"She's allergic but she's never hated them that much before.  For that matter she wasn't vegan and Tara hasn't made her convert."

"Tara said that's not like her either," he admitted.

"Maybe she needs to be checked for the radical personality shift then," Xander sighed.  "I know Tara kicked her out."

"That's fine.  She's not made bail yet."  Xander nodded and shook his hand, leaving him alone so he could send that information to his credit card company.  He did make note of the personality shift.  Beth had always been a nice girl when he had run into her and Tara.  It sucked that this happened.  Hopefully it was something medical they could fix.  Or maybe a possession the Winchesters could fix.

***

Xander picked up Olivia in the daycare, smiling at her.  "Why are you so pouty?"  He poked her on the side, getting a bigger pout and a pouty look too.  He looked at the daycare worker, who shrugged.  "C'mon, let's go pick up the kittens from the vet vet's."  He signed her out, checking around him.  There was a big sign by the door reminding you to check to make sure a kid didn't follow you out the door.  He spotted one.

"Um, Madeline?" he called.  She came out to look where he pointed.  She went to get the kid from the parking area.  The mother got out of the car and took her back with a huff.  Xander looked at Olivia.  "I'd never let you do that."  He checked again, nudging a crawling one with a foot.  "Go see Penny, she's got pudding," he said with a point and a grin.  She crawled off that way.  He slipped out, making sure the door was closed.  The daycare worker smiled.  "I told one of them to go see Penny for pudding."

"She just started to crawl this morning, Xander."  She smiled and waved.  "Bye, Olivia."  Olivia pouted at her.  "Why are you pouty?"

"No clue," Xander admitted.  "Or the room worker."  He shrugged.  "C'mon, let's go visit the kitties."  She squealed and hugged him.  "I've missed them too."  He got her into her car seat and then drove them over there.  The nurse gave him an odd look.  "I haven't picked them up."

"No, they're in the back, Xander."  He looked around.  "No baby?"  He pointed at her.  "Oh, I didn't see you, Olivia."  She beamed and waved.  "Such a pretty girl today."  She got the kittens to a room so the vet could go over any last few instructions.  Xander took the carrier with a moan and paid the nice desk nurse, then they took them home.  John was on the couch reading something.  He jumped when Olivia appeared next to him.

Xander looked at her.  "Did you not notice her?"

"No, I didn't."

"Can you...."

"Definitely."  He watched Xander let the cats out, smiling.  "Did you get new litter boxes?"

"Last night.  All new, pretty and new litter, and a few new kitty scratching boxes."  He sat down and they mobbed him, getting petted.  "Hi, guys.  I'm glad you're so much better."  They settled on him to nap.  John was doing anti-magic drawings on Olivia's back in marker.  Finally it all ended and they could hear a faint squeal of outrage.  Xander sighed.  John sighed.  Olivia cuddled John and waved at the kittens.  Especially the one that came over to sniff her and then get petted.

"Good girl to be so gentle," Xander praised with a smile.  He called Tara, getting Beth.  "Hi, Beth."  She hung up.  He called the library.  "Beth has your phone?"  She hung up and probably called her.  Or did something to get the phone back.  He texted Tara's phone about the radical personalty shift idea.  Then he got up carefully so he wouldn't hurt a furry baby.  He put down wet food and the cats all ran for it.  "I love you guys too."  He sat down.  Olivia pouted.  "Want to cuddle me?"  She cuddled John with a happy grin.  "You make him happy, 'Liv."

"She's not near the hellion my boys were."  He read the book in Latin to her.  She squealed and patted it, beaming at him.  He smiled.  "It's good you like Latin, Olivia."  He went back to reading because it was good for her.

Xander frowned.  "Why are you wondering about her?"

"She's due to come up soon."

"No, she was the one I blew up for Buffy that knocked me into a coma for three days," Xander said dryly.  John looked at him oddly.  "Yeah.  Started a major fight with the group in LA, the first one."

John looked at him.  "How did you do that?"

"I pretty well blew up most of the warehouse to get her and her host.  Captain Turner saw it and he's the one that got me to the ER.  Buffy didn't even call an ambulance."

John winced.  "That sucks," he decided, going back to reading to her about another higher being.

"That's Purple Uncle Fred," Xander told her.  She squealed and threw her arms up, smiling at John.  "She likes him."

"Poker buddy?" John guessed.  Xander smirked and nodded.  "Figures."  He went back to reading.  "How are you doing on the school stuff?"

"Very good.  I found which one I want her to go to.  It was Beckett's suggestion.  I talked to their headmistress about stuff and she agreed that 'Liv can go on the waiting list even though she's not mine officially unless they declare her parents dead.  She said she's seen worse with parents in jail so it's not a real problem at the moment.  I talked to my investment guy about her school fund and it's set up safely.  He talked with the IRS who said even if they do come back and I withdraw the rest to absorb it because she went back to her parents, that I'd only have to pay a tiny bit of taxes on it and it's presently tax deferred."

John nodded at that.  "So we're looking good on that front.  I got a list of what she needed to know before she entered and it's a lot.  The daycare and I went over that.  They were shocked at some of it but agreed they can help her with workbooks when she's a bit older," Xander finished.

"Even better," John agreed.  "I'm glad I didn't have to face that problem with Sam.  Dean's very hands on like you are but Sam has major brains."

Xander smiled.  "I know."  Someone knocked.  "Open."  Beckett walked in.  "Hi.  More problems?" he asked since she didn't look happy.

"You threatened the mayor?"

"No, I laid out facts and pointed out doing it meant that he was screwing with me and I could quit protecting the city or even call in poker debts against the idiot who was making meth across the street for fucking with me.  I never said a word about touching him."

"You're worth more?" she asked dryly.

"Yeah, about seven or eight times more thanks to the inheritances."  She gaped.  John moaned.  Xander nodded.  "All those estates?  The sales and all that meant that the fees for the lawyer and the auction houses took forty percent.  The other sixty percent was mine.  In those was four houses in Manhattan, two townhouses, six condos, an exotic car collection, three buildings that house stores, a crapload of less refined jewelry - nothing you could wear to a gala event, a showroom's worth of furniture, and a bunch of clothes we donated.  Plus the few who had insurance policies."

She swallowed.  "How...."  He shrugged.  "That was just from that curse, right?"

"Yeah."  He grinned.  "We had sixteen die, Beckett.  Plus I've had two others that have died since then and left me shit.  Which I've auctioned off.  Most of them didn't have anyone complain or counter for it.  One got countered by a mystical group of morons who wanted torture girl's house that I had burned."

"Wow."  She licked her lips.  "So you are worth more than him and Castle."  Xander nodded with a grin.  "Huh.  Interesting.  Still, be more polite?"

"I don't understand polite like that, Beckett.  I grew up the bastardized son of drunks.  I understand 'I'll kick your ass' and other various themes along those lines; not politics, not manners most of the time, nothing like that."

"I get that.  You can take lessons," she offered.

"Alexis helped me tons so I didn't make an ass out of myself at dinners."

"That's good."  She smirked.  "It took him a week to figure out I'm the one that arrested most of your dates."  Xander grinned.  "So he asked me to politely ask you to please calm down?"  Xander pointed at the cats.  "I know it was the next day and he understood how that was stressing you out.  Just...please calm down?"

"I mostly have."

"Good.  Thank you."  She looked.  "Xander, she's eating cat food."  John got up to snatch her while Xander called his doc.  "I'll let you two handle that."

"Thanks, Beckett."  She waved and left before they made the baby puke.  "It's Xander Harris, I have a slight possible emergency.  Olivia, my niece, at cat food.  Wet cat food.  Turkey and rice with gravy?"  He made notes.  "So just make her puke?  Okay, we can do that.  Thanks."  He hung up.  John was already using his finger to help while Xander grimaced at the noises.  "Next time don't eat the kitty food, sweetie."  She was crying but they'd make her feel better after she puked it up.

***

Tara walked in that night and sat down with a sound like she was deflating.  She took Olivia and her bottle to cuddle.  "Why aren't you drinking out of a cup?  You usually do."

"We had to make her puke up the wet cat food she ate earlier," Xander said.  "And then a second time when she did it again."

Tara sighed, cuddling her.  "I'm sorry you ate that, sweetness."  She looked at Xander.  "Major personality shift was medical."

"Tumor?" John guessed.  "Or psychological?"

"Psychological.  She's on medicine for it and she talked to her boss about it.  She's on probation but not fired unless she goes to prison because she's on a critical project.  I don't know what to do about her."

John patted her on the arm.  "Don't let her live with you for right now, Tara.  Moods like that can get someone killed and it'll take a while for any meds to even out in her system.  They might even be switching them a few times."

"She did admit to having some very bad wants about blood.  I even checked her for a possession.  The doctor was not amused."

"They never are," John agreed.  "Possession's not covered by insurance or their books."

Xander snorted.  "She goes to mine and no, she's not.  She hated hearing that I had one from the hyena and asked about any possible zoological diseases."

Tara shook her head.  "She's a good doc but that's a bit too weird for her."  Xander nodded.  "I guess I'll keep talking to her but not dating her right now."

"You'll find someone great, Tara," John assured her with a pat on her arm.  Olivia was patting her too.  "See, even she knows that."

She smiled.  "Thanks, John.  You're a good dad."  She smiled at the baby.  "You're very comforting."  She grinned back and fell asleep sucking on the bottle of pedialyte.  They settled in to watch the sunset.  Then she went home to take care of Miss Puppy.  Not like she'd trust Beth to watch her right now and she was in a small motel for the next few weeks probably.  Tara clearly needed to find a decent girlfriend who wouldn't do things like that.

***

Xander woke up to his phone.  "Huh?" he mumbled into it.  He sat up.  "Did you freeze her, Tara?  Okay, stay there.  I'm on my way over.  Call 911."  He hung up.  "John, call someone about the old place.  Tara just froze Beth beside the bed with a knife."  He slid into clothes and ran down the stairs.  "Watch Olivia please?"

"Got it," he agreed, dialing the house phone.  He checked but Olivia was sound asleep.

***

The officer gave Xander a horrified look.  "Tara called."  He walked around him and to where she was sitting, sitting down to cuddle her.  "Forgot to change the locks?"  She sniffled, cuddling him.  He held her, letting her sob on him.  He looked at the waiting officer.  "She told you Beth's had some radical shifts in personality?" he asked quietly, getting a nod.  "They put her on meds earlier today for it."

"She can go to the hospital if she wants as long as Miss Maclay isn't pressing charges."

Tara sniffled, shaking her head.  "I love Beth, I want her to get help."

"I can understand that.  Can you unfreeze her?"  She did that and Beth broke out sobbing and sank to her knees.  "Let me get an ambulance here."  He called that in.  She wasn't the first one that week.  New York got its fair share of those who needed medicine for mental problems.  This one had better support than most of them but they'd work it out.  The dog was whining at her and Beth hugged it, murmuring in her ear before letting her go.

Xander let Tara sit up and walked over, looking at her.  "We'll deal with it and you'll get better," he assured her calmly.  He helped her up, staring into her eyes.  "We'll help you get better, Beth."

"I don't deserve," she sobbed, trying to get away.

"Stop," Xander ordered, making her freeze.  "If I thought you were doing it on purpose or you were just evil, I would've had you eaten by now," he reminded her.  "Tara loves you, even when the bad thoughts start.  So just calm down, we'll get you to the hospital for now so they can help.  All right?"  She nodded so he let her go.  She ran into the bathroom and slammed the door.

"My sleeping pills are in there," Tara said.  Xander got the door off the hinges and took Beth out, handing her over.  He took the razor blades too, handing them to Tara.  The officers put her in cuffs for her own safety for now.  Tara got up to hug her.  "We'll handle it and you'll get better," she promised quietly.  "Then we'll rebuild things."  She kissed her on the forehead.  "I'll come visit tomorrow after work if I can?"

Beth shook her head.  "I did so wrong, Tara," she said, looking miserable.

Tara smiled.  "It's not you.  It's you with funny chemical problems.  Once they fix that you'll be back to you and then we'll work on things."  She brushed a finger over the tear tracks.  "Please?  Just let them help?  We'd miss you."  Beth swallowed but nodded, looking down.  Tara hugged her.  "I'll take good care of Miss Puppy.  You worry about getting better."  Beth nodded and let the ambulance guys take her.

Xander got Beth's purse and held it out.  "Her wallet's in there."

"Thank you, sir."  He looked and found her insurance information and driver's license.  That helped them with the forms.  The officer told them why and they decided which one to take her to.  Tara was leaning on Xander's shoulder, looking miserable, but safe.  Once everyone was gone Xander helped her change the locks.  She had bought the stuff to do it but hadn't gotten around to it before bed.  Then he took her back to his house.  John was up and fussed over her too.  They got Tara calmed back down and she went to sleep in her and Olivia's room.  Xander went back to bed, worrying most of the rest of the night.

John went to his own room and made notes in his journal.  Just in case it needed to be recalled later.

***

Xander smiled at the book reporter there to interview him and the other one following her.  "Ladies," he said, standing up to shake their hands.

"Alexian," the book reporter said with a smile.  "She had a question about the other night."

"Tara's girlfriend Beth?" he guessed.  She nodded.  "She had some massive personality shifts and had started on medicine that day.  Unfortunately they hadn't fully equalized her system yet and she broke in to stab Tara.  So she went to the hospital so they could work on her meds.  We're trying to keep it fairly quiet though."

"I can understand why.  Beth always seemed like such a sweetheart when we saw them out together," that reporter sighed.

Xander nodded.  "She is.  Even with the meds she is.  Though she's a bit depressed sounding recently.  She just got that little mental voice that suggested doing bad things that she couldn't fight.  Tara even checked for a possession."

"Aww.  Was she the reason your cats were in the vet's office?"  Xander nodded.  "Poor things."

"They're back to healthy now," he said with a smile.  "Our vet is great.  He and his staff did great work getting them back to healthy.  They're back to eating regular food and chasing Olivia around the house."  They smiled and the other reporter left.  "Can we please be nice to Beth?" he called.

"I won't say more than it wasn't her normal self, dear."

"Thank you."  Xander sat down when the book reporter did.  "Hi again.  I've seen you more than Paula this week," he teased with a grin.

"The tape recorder ate the interview," she sighed.  "I had to redo three different interviews."

He snickered.  "I have one that did that when I was taking down notes because I couldn't write that very second."

She smiled.  "With the way you write, that could've been a problem."

"Thankfully I remembered some of it but I think the fight scene in book seven of the hunting series would've been better with it."

She smiled.  "That was a pretty good fight scene."  She turned on the recorder on her computer and put the microphone in front of him.  "Here we go.  And it's recording," she said with a smile.  He grinned back and they went over what they had talked about before.  He even got to gush about teaching Olivia how to chase soccer balls.  That had been Dean's idea so she'd quit chasing the cats.

***

Xander walked into the station with Olivia under one arm and a box in the other.  He handed it to Esposito, Olivia to Ryan, who gave her an odd look like Esposito was giving the box, and then took an envelope out of his back pocket to hand to Beckett.  Who gave it an odd look too.  "I have no idea why your fanclub sent it to me.  I know John freaked the hell out when he opened it for me because I was in the shower.  He was talking with Dean, who freaked the hell out too."

She opened it carefully, reading the enclosed note.  "Any idea?"

"I have no idea," Xander admitted.  "I don't know if they got me and Rick mixed up."  She looked at the address and groaned.  "Yeah.  Which is why I had John open it for me when it got found in the mail while I was in the shower."  He took Olivia and the box back.  "Okay, let's give this to Paula and let Auntie Kate beat someone to death for that letter, and then we'll go run in the park," he said with a grin for the baby as they walked off.

Esposito walked over to take the letter, scowling at the contents.  "Interesting choice of words."  She flipped over the envelope so he could see it.  "You're not Mrs. Harris-Castle."

"Someone's warped," Ryan said.  He took it to read.  "Huh."  He called Castle.  "Where are you?  Someone mailed Beckett a strange letter at Xander's.  Addressed to Mrs. Harris-Castle.  Here, yeah.  Going to see Paula."  He hung up. "He's about to read to a group of kids in a library in Connecticut but he'll be back right after that."

"That's fine," she agreed.  "I'm hoping we can find out who is this warped."  The letter got put into an evidence bag.  "At least it's not a threat to do more than treat them better."

"You do work a lot of long hours," Esposito agreed with a grin for her.  "But I've never seen you dating either of them."  She glared but he smirked.  "It can wreck relationships."

"Uh-huh."  Their boss stomped in from the latest budget meeting.  She handed it to him and went up to look at their current case again.

"It's not April," he complained.  It got put onto her desk.

"I know that," she said dryly.  "It got mailed to Xander."

The captain moaned.  "The chief just got onto me about overtime budgets."

She looked at him.  "Sure, we can not catch who murders people if they want.  I'd gladly love a nine-to-five job some days," she said sarcastically.

"I pointed that out.  He just moaned and said to try to keep it down and equalize it through the week."

"The last time you did that, we got four bodies that week," Kevin reminded him.

"I reminded him of that.  He had a flashback since one was the hanging body off the bridge."  He went into his office.  "Let me know if that's a threat or not."

"I can do that," she agreed.  They got back to work on the body, even when Rick texted them with an idea and said he was going on now.  She shook her head but they considered it.  It was a realistic one, not a writer fantasy one this time.

***

Olivia ran into the station, squealing and hugging everyone she ran into.  "Give it back," Tara ordered.  Olivia pouted but handed back the shiny thing.  "Thank you."  She picked her up once she had the earring back in.  "She got away from me at the cab."  She looked at the officer.  "I'm supposed to sign forms about the stuff with Beth?"  He pointed and she went to do that with the baby.

"Ma'am, should you have that baby?" one officer asked firmly.

She stared at him.  "Yes, Xander and I share custody of Olivia."  He backed down.  "Thank you for making sure though."  She found the officer.  "I need to sign something?"

"A few things, Tara."  He smiled and waved at Olivia, who smiled and waved back.  He handed her a lollipop, getting a head shake and it handed back.  "Xander lets her."

"We have to clothing shop.  She doesn't need sugar," she said quietly.  "She'll wiggle the whole trip."  He smiled and nodded, hiding it again since the baby was giving it an interested look.  She signed the three forms, frowning at one.  "She's doing what?"

"Her therapist suggested it since she knew you wouldn't get one.  That way Beth can't get near you or him and the baby.  She's scared of what she'll do," he explained.

She sighed but nodded.  "I guess."

He smiled, taking them back and handing her the form.  "Here you go.  Keep that with you so you can have her removed if you two decide to talk but she snaps or something."  She nodded and left, going back to the waiting cab.  He smiled, shaking his head.  "She's an adorable aunt."  The officer at the next desk nodded while he typed.  "And she makes sure Olivia is a girly little girl."

"She's always wearing dresses," that officer said.

"Yeah, she's adorable."

***

Tara walked the baby into the library.  "I'm only pausing," she said.  Her boss gave her an odd look when she walked up to her.  "Beth's therapist decided it was a good idea to get her a restraining order so she can't come near me, Olivia, or Xander," she said quietly.  "She got it against me but it's for my protection."

"I can make a note of that for your coworkers.  Is it just because of her...problems?"

Tara nodded, checking the baby then looking at her again.  "That way she can't have any problems if we do talk and if something happens I can get her to walk off."

"I can make that note.  I know you'd never do anything against her," her boss said, patting Olivia on the arm.  "You're adorable."

"She's grown and I spent most of the day shopping with her.  I'm hoping she's as tired as I am."  Her boss giggled and she smiled.  "Thank you."  She walked off, taking the baby back to Xander's.  The cab driver helped her get the bags out of the trunk and by the door.  Tara paid him an extra tip and then they got things inside.  Olivia rode up the elevator by herself.  Tara came up with the multiple bags.  John was trying to chase her.  "We had a milkshake for energy an hour ago."  She went back to get the rest of the bags from the elevator and put them onto the couch, sitting down with a sigh of relief.  "Damn."

John laughed.  "Xander said that's why you went instead of him."

She nodded.  "I can see why."  Olivia came back with a book so she smiled and read to her.  Olivia ran off to squeal at Xander halfway through.  Tara leaned her head back.  "She has four new bathing suits.  A few new pairs of jeans and a lot of shirts since she seems to stain them more than anything else.  She also has panties and socks for when she gets to potty training and two potty chairs."

He smiled.  "Good job."  She smiled.  Xander came out with Olivia running ahead of him.  She wanted to go outside so he let her.  She went out and stretched.  He laughed but helped her.  "Tara said she had a milkshake."

"Clearly."  He stretched out and she stared then did it.  He grinned.  "We'll add another few stretches tonight."  He added in another one and she did that then they went back to the normal routine.  She ran in and got into one of the bags.  He came in to help and got her changed into a swimsuit.  "Let me change," he ordered.  "No going up there without me."  She pouted.  He ran up to change and then came down to take her up to the pool.  She ran and jumped in, doggy paddling around.  Xander slid in and followed.  "Stay on this end, Olivia."

John came out in his swim trunks.  She squealed and swam over to him.  Tara came out in a suit she kept there.  It gave Olivia another target to swim to.  She swam back and forth, happily wearing herself out.  When they got tired, she let John help her out and ran for a lounger, curling up with a towel around her.  She let Tara tuck her in and fell asleep pretty quickly.  John helped Tara back into the pool, smiling at her.  "It's nice she's exhausted."

"She'll probably sleep all night," Xander said from where he was floating.  "This is why I put this in."

She splashed him with a grin.  "You wanted to spoil yourself."

"Well, yeah," he said with a smirk back.  "I deserve it."  Someone came out of the elevator.  "What's up, Ryan?"

"Know anything about a Daniel Desarvo?"

"I met him for coffee but he was abrasive and kinda an asshole?" Xander guessed.

"Okay, that figures."

Tara looked at him.  "Did he kill someone?"

"No, he named Xander in his suicide note.  Apparently he decided him not going out with him for real meant he wasn't ever going to be bad enough."  Xander shook his head with a moan.  He grinned.  "Okay.  I'll let Beckett know."  He looked then at them.  "You got caught out shopping, Tara."  She huffed, shaking her head.  "They said you two were cute."  He walked off, going back to the station.  "He tried to date Xander," he told them once he got back.

"Figures," Captain Montgomery muttered, walking off shaking his head.  "What are they doing?"

"Olivia's sleeping beside the pool while they're lounging."  He sat down.  "Xander just groaned."

"I'd do that too," Beckett admitted.  They finished up the paperwork waiting on Lanie's final say-so about it being a suicide.  Which it may not have been by what she called.  She hung up and looked at them.  "She found a stab mark and poison in his system as well."

Esposito looked at her.  "I have a date tonight," Kevin sighed.  But they went to talk to her.  And then Beckett could talk to one of Xander's usual dates.  There were still a few in the city that hadn't gotten caught yet.

***

Beckett walked in the next morning with a coffee, looking unhappy with the world.  "There's another curse.  Beth did it."  They groaned.  "But it's just one of them and we can't prove a thing."  She put a new picture on the board and then sat down.  "That's who's doing it."

"Is she compelled or did someone give her the idea?" Esposito asked.

"She didn't say but the poker circuit said it was a new curse."  She took a drink and put the cup down again.  "There's absolutely no proof that someone else touched him beyond the fact that he was stabbed and poisoned and someone could say that he did it himself."

"So we see if we can put them together," Ryan said.  She shook her head.  "At all?"

"Full alibi for last night with her currently cowering boyfriend."

"Too scared to talk?" Esposito asked.

"Too enamored.  He was looking forward to her 'correcting' time."  He groaned.  She smirked.  "If it wasn't her, there's a new one in town."  They groaned and took her information to look her up.

***

Xander looked at the woman.  "Give me my niece please," he said calmly.

She smiled and stroked a finger down Olivia's cheek.  "She's adorable, Xander."

"And she's my niece.  Put my niece down."

"Or you'll do what?" she smirked with a happy look in her eyes.  "You're not that mean, even if you do draw us all."  She looked at the baby.  "You should remind him that if he throws something at us you'll get hurt."

Xander shot her in the other side, making her scream and drop Olivia.  "Really?"  He picked the baby up, staring at her.  "You wanted....."  He put the gun up when he saw an officer.

"He shot me!" she shouted.

"She was holding my niece hostage," Xander said, staring at her.  "And she's not human.  She's a vengeance demon."

"You can't prove that," she sneered.

Xander smirked and pulled something out, tossing it on her then something else when she didn't scream.  That made her scream.  He stared down at her.  "Really?  And look, demon face."

The officer cleared his throat.  "Mr. Harris?"  Xander looked at him.  "Can I have Olivia?  Just so she's safe?"

Xander stared at him.  "No.  I don't know you.  Right now I'm going to be very particular about her holders since I was looking at a new shirt for interviews, turned, and found her having removed Olivia from her stroller.  We talked for a few minutes then she decided to tell me she was going to hurt her.  She refused to turn my niece free so I made her put her down.  I barely winged her."  He stared at her.  "I doubt anyone will ever do it again."  She got up with a hard sneer.  He stared her down.  "Yes?"

She attacked him with a knife.  "You'll be mine or no one will have you!" she sneered.

Xander put Olivia on a clothes rack and kicked her knife hand then swung at her jaw, knocking her back down.  "Don't come near my niece with a knife, bitch.  I will not be pleased."  She shivered, scooting away from him.  He walked closer.  "You have my attention.  Is it what you wanted?"

"Oh, dirt!" she whimpered.

He sneered.  "Even if D'Hoffryn showed up to save your cunt ass, it won't," he sneered.  "You touched Olivia."  She was chanting, trying to get her boss down there.  He stared at her, sneering.  "What's wrong?  He not coming?"

The demon lord appeared with a sigh.  He killed her.  "There, better?" he demanded, looking at Xander.

"She tried to hurt Olivia."

D'Hoffryn shuddered.  "That's a bad thing."  He looked.  "The officer has her."

Xander looked then at him.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem.  You'd make a mess and the baby would need therapy, which would mean I'd get it from her parents."

"Any idea if they can get back easier?"

He shook his head.  "Not that I'm aware of."  He disappeared.

Xander sighed and took a calming breath then walked over to get her.  "Hi, 'Liv.  Are you all right?  Did she hurt you?"

The officer cleared his throat.  "Sir, you fired a gun in the city."  Xander pulled out his wallet one handed and found his concealed carry permit, showing it to him.  "I can understand that but you could've done it less violently."

Xander stared at him.  "If she had your daughter what would you do?"

"It would've been fatal."  He sighed.  "Don't do it again."

Xander nodded.  "I'd never have to now."  He grinned.  He concentrated and the demon went to dust.  The mess was cleaned up.  He looked at the officer, who was giving him a horrified look.  "Long story," he said dryly, walking off.

He called that in to Beckett, who went to talk to Xander.  Xander Harris didn't do magic.  Everyone knew it went oddly around him.

***

Esposito knocked on the hospital room door before walking in.  "When did he get put in here?" he asked John.

"I had Faith looking for Olivia in case he got attacked."

"We found Olivia because the not-Xander took out the demon who was trying to use her to get him."

"Same one?" John asked.

"That's what we wanted to find out.  What happened?"

"Someone sedative darted him."

Esposito took that note.  "Any idea why?"

"The one I saw was British.  He was talking on his phone as he walked off.  Olivia  was in the truck.  I turned and she was missing.  I called Faith."

"You could've called us."

"If he was being used that way, there's no telling what they could've done to Olivia and some of you guys don't really like the team," John pointed out.  "Plus if they looked like Xander they would've decided the cancel on it wasn't put through."

"Possibly."  He sighed.  "Beckett has Olivia at the station.  Castle's in cooing over her and teaching her new words."

"She can talk.  She's said whole baby sentences.  I think it's like her walking.  Her mommy wanted her to be a baby for longer."

"Probably," Esposito admitted.  "Is he in overnight?"

"Until he wakes up."

"Okay."  He closed his notebook, staring at him.  "We can't find Tara or Faith."

He called Faith's phone.  No answer.  "That's a bad sign."

Esposito walked off calling Beckett.  "Someone British darted him.  He can't reach Faith either."  He hung up, going back to the office.  By the time he got back, Sam was there with Olivia, who was smiling and babbling at him.  "John thinks her not speaking real words is like Willow wanting her to crawl."

"Probably," Sam agreed, smiling at her.  "Hey, a new word, good job."  She beamed and babbled the new words, which got her hugged and praised.  Beckett smiled at him.  "Any idea on Faith?  Dean's at the poker circuit places."

"No," Beckett said.  "Xander?" she asked.

"Sedated.  Darted and down until he wakes up with John guarding him."  He settled in at his desk, calling someone.  "I need to put out a missing persons alert for a possible adult kidnaping victim."  He gave the information and it was spread.  He hung up and leaned back.  "When did you guys get here?"

"About an hour ago when Tara summoned us," Sam admitted.  "And the car.  We were only in Maine anyway."  That got a nod.  "Let me take her home.  Is it a crime scene?"

"No but the cats are panicking," Rick said.

"Yeah, the last time something happened and he left, they got abandoned by Beth," Sam said with a small shrug.  "It'll be fine."  He picked Olivia up and looked at her.  "Let's get you back home, princess."  She nodded so they called a cab on their way out.

"Sir, should you have that baby?" one officer at the desk demanded.

Sam smiled and nodded.  "I'm guarding her while Xander's in the hospital for the day.  Someone tried to snatch her."

"ID, sir?" he demanded.  Sam sighed but shifted her to pull out his wallet to show off his ID.

"Oh!  You're a Winchester.  Okay.  Sorry, sir, but we worry about her."

Sam grinned.  "We adore that you guys do.  Especially with who and what Xander dates."  The officer grinned.  Sam walked out at the honk, getting into the cab with her.  He gave the address and paid the guy.  When the guy deviated, Sam smiled.  "So, Olivia, we should make you an honorary Winchester, huh?  That way Dad has a daughter to fuss at."  She squealed and beamed at him, babbling.  He grinned back.  "You're such a good baby girl."  He looked at the driver, smirking some.  "Hi, Sam Winchester."  The man went back on route.  Sam texted Dean to meet them.  He came outside as the cab parked and came over to talk to the driver.  Turns out he was a watcher too.  Pity.  Sam called Beckett on the way to put her down for a rest.

***

SWAT walked carefully into the building, finding the girls tied up in a corner and Tara muttering while Faith was in shock or something.  "Ladies," one said, squatting down to get them free.

"Behind you," Tara said.  They turned and fired at the watchers.  "I'm trying really hard not to use my magic to harm people."  She shook her head.  "I am."

One of the officers helped her up.  "I'm proud of you for managing it because I couldn't, miss."  He looked at Faith.  "Miss, do you need an ambulance?"

"They hit her with a needle of something," she said, looking around.  "I think it was that one.  It looks the same.  They took it into the kitchen."

He called an ambulance and got them both checked.  Faith ended up in the ER.  Tara accompanied her as a friend.  Dean showed up to help her.  It'd be okay.  They got a statement from them about what had went on and why.  It got in the nurses' way but they knew it was necessary.

***

Beckett walked into the British Consulate with Homeland agents.  "NYPD and Homeland Security.  We have a warrant to arrest six of your people," Beckett told the receptionist.  "Do not move."  She nodded, moving her hand from the phone.  They checked the whole building, finding five of the six.  The sixth was apparently missing but they'd be finding him.  New York did not like Watchers bothering their hunting team.  The demons did not like the Watchers bothering their hunting team and were gathering for a demonstration.  Beckett walked out.  "No!" she shouted.  "We don't need this today.  It'll panic people."

"They hurt our slayer!" one shouted.  "And Tara!"  The others nodded and shouted their agreements.

"Tara's fine, people.  They drugged Faith so she's been admitted for tonight," Esposito said as he came out.  "Xander got sedated and Tara summoned the Winchesters back to watch over Olivia."  The demons cheered.  "So go home.  Before people get frantic and try to call them to stop your peaceful protest.  You know some people panic at the sight of a scale."  They nodded and most of them left.  A few stayed with signs against the Council.

Beckett shrugged.  "It's not against the law."  They went back inside to finish the search of the premises that they could.  The head of the consulate staff agreed to let them when he found out why.  The Council may be British but they weren't universally liked by them.

***

Faith woke up with a gasp and found John staring at her.  "What the hell?" she demanded.

"They tried to kill you so it'd pass on.  If you survived great, if not, there's a new slayer," he said quietly.  He handed her a glass of water.  She gulped and he poured some more with a smile.  "You coded on the way to the ER but Tara got you restarted within seconds."

"Is there another one?" she asked.

He nodded.  "We think so but we're not totally sure where.  Dean asked the poker circle but they're not sure where."

"Yay," she said flatly.  "Am I going to be in trouble?"

"No.  Beckett called your parole officer and told him what had happened.  He made a note and said it wasn't your fault."  He leaned on the bed rail.  "Xander's barely awake and groggy.  Olivia is teaching Sam new words."  He smiled.  "Dean's getting you dinner and keeping Tara from turning into Willow."

"They gone?" she asked.

"Yeah, Beckett arrested them with Homeland.  Threatening you girls means that the city's not protected from some very bad possibilities."  She nodded.  His phone beeped so he looked at it.  "The new girl's Tunisian."  She moaned as she shifted onto her side facing him.  He helped with her IV line.  "She's Council raised but demons have already found her and brought her here.  Dean's talking to her and she's a bit pissed off."  He smirked.  "It'll be fine."

"I wonder if B got real confused when she accidentally called Kendra."

"Maybe.  You're still not Buffy, Faith.  You don't wear the slutty skirts."  Faith snorted but smiled.  "It'll be fine and we'll help her too.  Maybe she'll take over LA."  She nodded, yawning.  "Go back to sleep.  You're in here until tomorrow morning."

"What did they give me?"

"A heroin and other drug cocktail."

"Charming!" she sneered.

He smirked.  "Beckett yelled."

"Good.  I hope I have some too."  She was trying hard not to feel pouty.  She hated feeling pouty.  He petted her hair down and she drifted off again.

***

Xander woke up with a gasp, staring around the room.  "Vision?" Sam asked.

He stared at him.  "What the fuck?" he demanded.

"Watcher.  Dart.  You've been out for ten hours."

"Olivia?"

"Dean."

Xander relaxed and went limp.  "Everyone else?"

"Faith and Tara are fine.  SWAT got them back."  Xander nodded.  "There's a second one again.  She's from Tunisia."  Xander stared at him.  "She's been told what happened and why.  She's been talking to Dad and Dean.  I talked to her too.  She's Council trained but still very wild.  She's wearing wild makeup, slightly flashy clothes, and jewelry."

"Isn't that a Muslim country?" Xander asked, looking confused.

"She's not."  Xander nodded.  "She was going clubbing apparently.  But she knows."  He leaned forward.  "She and Faith are going to talk tomorrow when Faith gets out."  Xander grimaced but nodded.  "They drugged her."

"I so want to bomb them."

"Beckett and Homeland got them."

"I meant the rest."

"I know."  He patted him with a grin.  "You can go home once they check you over."  Xander nodded, relaxing again.  "Olivia was held by a not-you but that not-you also killed a demon that wanted you.  One of D'Hoffryn's and he didn't realize it either.  He showed up to ask."

"Damn.  I hate being in the middle of drama."  Sam laughed.  "Was that demon the one that was trying to kill my dates?"

"Not sure."

"Yay."  He yawned.  "Can I go home now?"

"Let the nurse check you over."  He pushed the button and she came in a few minutes later.  "He's mostly awake."

She checked him over.  "It looks like he's fine.  His last bout of blood work was fine."  She put her stethoscope back in her pocket.  She handed over the forms.  "Here, you can take him home.  Let me get you a chair."  She went to get one and came back to take the paperwork from him.  She checked it over then got Xander's IV undone.  Sam helped him up and into the clothes that he had brought for him.  "The rest was bagged for evidence," she said at the confused look.

"Oh, okay," he agreed.  She rolled him down to the entrance, letting Sam get them a cab.  Once they got home, Xander wandered off the elevator and grabbed Olivia to cuddle, laying down on the couch with her.  She huffed but cuddled until he fell asleep then she wiggled free and wandered off babbling at Tara and Dean.  Xander patted around a few times but found a cat to pet in his sleep.

Dean picked her up with a grin.  "You're so good for your uncle."  She beamed back and slobbered on his cheek then bit him.  "Hey!  Not a vampire!"  He handed her a banana, getting a new happy squeal.  Uncle Sam opened it for her and she wiggled down to go outside to stretch.  Tara smiled and came to help her.  "She's adorably sweet," Dean said.

"She's nicer than any granddaughter I'll ever have," John agreed.  Dean and Sam both shot a low powered glare at him for that.  He smirked.  "Some day I could use grandchildren."

"Sure, Dad, let me find one and settle down," Sam said dryly.

"If you do, I'll help you plan the wedding," Tara quipped.

Xander patted around until he ran into a cat to pet then went back to sleep.  Olivia huffed but came in to hug him then went back to her stretching and banana.

They all settled in to relax, defrag, let the two slayers talk when Faith got back.  John finished dinner to bring her.  That way she wasn't left alone in the hospital and unguarded.

The End.

Note: set after that multi-Xander convention story on the auto archive.

Chapter 27: Many Xander Headaches

Xander gets to have many headaches, from a convention to a protégé of Rick's, to being an executor of an estate.

Xander and his laptop sat down across from the person he had asked to meet him somewhere less than public yet still in the open.  "I'm back."

"I saw your note saying you were at a slight convention," Rick said dryly.  "I know it only lasted a day."

"Remember that not-me Lavelle?"

"Yes."

"He decided some of us needed a short convention.  We talked, exchanged recipes for those of us who could cook, those that could ran some self-defense lessons."  Rick nodded slowly.  "That other me that showed up with the nice address in DC?  He taught some of that."

"I remember him too."  Rick stared at him.  "You're being dodgy why?"

Xander opened the file and let him see it.  "We had a lot of fun.  I got a shit-ton of ideas."

Rick stared then gave him a horrified look.  "How many of you were there?"

"Three-hundred-and-three.  Including a magically created mini me and a few others.  I had one where I was becoming Doctor Evil to stop the menaces of bad demon societies."  Rick whimpered.  "I have no idea how to make my muses quit saying 'we can use some of those'.  You write real life stuff though."

Rick stared at him.  "You have to change names better than you did with DCIS, Xander."

"I get that.  In some I can be blonde, in some I can use the basics but not the whole life story.  Some of me are insane."

Rick nodded.  "There's times I worry about this one of you."  Xander smirked and showed him one in particular.  Rick read and shuddered, a full body shudder complete with butt tensing so he didn't have an accident.  "Is that one sane?"

"As sane as he can be."

Rick looked at him.  "Did they think it'd be okay?"

"They cackled *so* hard and I gave the DCIS me, who was post battle that ripped his base up, copies of everything.  He thought I did a great job.  One of those particular mes writes smut.  We traded help."

"One?" Rick asked.

"Yeah, there were three."

Rick moaned.  "Okay."  Xander smirked.  "Which one did you want to start with?"

"Him or the CSI Xanders?"

"Either could work," he decided.  "Though that one might be smuttier."

"Well, with the CSI ones, there's multiple versions.  Including the twins."  Rick gave him an odd look so he showed him.  Rick moaned and shook his head.  "I'm not sure how to get it started without it being a biography.  I have an idea for the biography and the other side."

"Go toward the other side first.  If that doesn't work, do the biography."  Xander nodded.  He let him see something.  "Ah, the hormoned one."  He read over the first few pages, shaking his head.  "Not drawing like your usual."  Xander let him read the other one and it was.  "Yeah, that sucks you in."  He looked at the nervous kid.  "Are there other things I should hear?"

"If we all have major apocalpyses and have to leave our own realms, we're going to visit Lavelle's island or that Xander's world."  He let him see the island, making Rick cackle.   "It helped his thieves not stray."

"Clearly," he said, handing the laptop back.  "Poker game tonight?"

"Sure, but is your protege coming?"

"Yes."

Xander grinned.  "Want me to help mentor him?"

"Don't be evil to the little brat," he muttered.  Xander smirked.  "I'll see you later.  Bring whichever you're working on for them to look over."  Xander nodded, handing him money for lunch before bouncing off.  Rick got himself lunch and went back to the office to eat it.  "Xander got a really good set of ideas," he told the team.

Beckett stared at him.  "I heard he and Olivia disappeared."

"Lavelle wanted all the Xanders to have a convention."  She shuddered.  "They taught each other self defense and other things.  He met a lot of interesting versions of himself."

"Oh, dear," the captain said.  "That bad?"

Rick handed him the roll of Tums he had bought for dessert.  "There were some that I wanted to wonder about."

Beckett snickered.  "Well, at least he's got something new to write."

"Yup.  He's coming over for poker tonight too."  The guys smirked at him.  "So, let's see if anything new has popped up.  By the way, one was a set of twin Xander CSI."

Beckett took the tums to take one, handing them to her partners.  They could use it too.  "How did he become twins?"

"A troll hammer.  Our Sunnydale got shut down before that one visited."  That got a nod and they got back to work.  Before their minds rotted with that thought.  Especially Rick's.  Because he could do a whole lot with twin Xanders, but he didn't write fantasy.

***

Xander and Olivia walked in together.  She squealed at her favorite auntie outside the shopping one, running over to pounce her for a hug.

"Hi, Olivia!" Alexis cooed.  Olivia beamed.  "Aww, you cut another tooth."

"Yup, last night on my ear," Xander said, rubbing it.  The waiting authors laughed.  "'Liv, let's play cards."  She waved from Alexis' lap, getting grins and waves back.  Xander looked and took his usual spot.  They smiled at him.  "Rick said his new protege is coming."  Martha got another chair and then went to read in her room.  "'Liv?"  She came running over to pounce everyone for a hug then climbed up into Xander's lap to cuddle.  "Good girl, thank you."

"How bad is your writing right now?" Stephen asked.

"I *so* got hit with the multi-idea generator when another version of me called a multi-Xander convention."

The two guys stared at him.  "What?" one asked.

Xander explained how the not-hims had shown up.  And what had went on.  They both moaned.  Xander nodded.  "So yeah, apparently the other mes do less boring stuff."  They laughed, shaking their heads.  "Paula might be *really* shocked when I start handing her things."  Stephen nodded, making himself a note.  "They all cooed over 'Liv.  I'm about the only daddy.  A few have kids that they have visitation with, but not full-time custody.  There's only about seven of us with kids out of all three-hundred-and-three who were there."

"They'll probably do it when they're older.  You're still pretty young," Alexis said.  Olivia waved.  "Hi, 'Liv."  She smirked at him.  "Or they're too happy with their boyfriends?"

"Mostly, yeah.  I'm hoping I never get hit with the hormone curse three of them had."  The other writers gave him funny looks so he explained GHS to them.  One shuddered and had to go to the bathroom to calm down.  "That's why I never want hit."

"We'd help you find a cure or someone to keep it down.  That way you didn't get killed," Alexis said, giving him a hug.  "Olivia, want to come watch movies with me?"  She wiggled and Xander let her take her.  "Thanks.  I needed cuddly time.  My friends are being brats."

"All girls have days when they're bitches," Xander said dryly.  "Some of them decide they like living in that neighborhood and some just visit.  And some grow into the ground to become the garden of bitchy, pretty things."

She cackled.  "It's possible they're buying apartments."  She decided to watch Fantasia.  It was music and a lot of bright colors, plus Alexis loved it.  "I'll bring her back when she's tired."

"That's cool, Alexis.  You don't have to though."

She smirked.  "I need the cuddly time."  She carried the baby up the stairs to cuddle and watch fun things.

Xander grinned at the guys.  "So, anyway....  I need to be watched to make sure they don't all stay me."  They nodded.  The other one was coming back.  Rick walked in with Alex.  "Hey, guys."

"Xander," Rick said.  "Anything come of it?"  He handed over the sheets, letting Rick nod his way through them.  "Combining but very drawing."  Xander grinned and put them into his pocket.  Rick sat down.

"Not that one," Stephen said.

"We keep their seat empty for a year in tribute," Rick said.  Alex Conrad sat down in the other free seat.  "Do you know the people here, Alex?"

"I don't know one," he said, smiling at Xander and holding out a hand.  "Alex Conrad.  Rick's protege."

"Alexian Harris, his last protege."  Xander shook his hand with a grin.

"You're not a mystery writer."

"There's almost no fantasy writers in town and most of them are older ladies that think I'm bouncy and loud," Xander said with a grin.

"He's a great source of inspiration and information," Stephen said with a smirk for the kid.

"At least my muses don't bite you like they used to bite Rick every time he saw me."

They laughed.  "They still do sometimes.  That detective and baby story had Paula cackling like she had turned evil," Rick told him.  Xander just smirked.  "If there's a serial killer anywhere in the state, Xander knows about them."

Alex looked at him.  "Do you go do interviews?"

"No, I end up dating people like that."  Alex whimpered, giving him a pitiful look.  Xander smirked.  "I have a lot of fun."

"Only evil things and agents who're a bit dark like him," Rick agreed.  "You know, Xander, that one woman in that story is still throwing me."

Xander smirked.  "It's not her.  You've seen that character all along and didn't realize it."

"I read it all the way through and had to reread it to make sure I did see her," Rick said, staring at him.  Xander smirked.  "That was a really great plot twist throwing everyone off."

"Thank you.  And of course you fleshed it out so it was steamier and more best seller than fantasy," he teased back with a smirk.

"Of course I did."

"Like that story with the former agent who got the baby delivered that just came out?" the other author with them asked.

Rick and Xander both nodded.  "His fault," Xander told him, pointing at Rick.  "He paid me back for that writer one."  That got a whimper from Alex.  "I got hit with his muses instead of mine, handed it to him because he was mean, and he fleshed it out greatly."  He grinned.

"I did," Rick agreed.  "I also toned down their Martha Stewart looking cover lives."  The other authors snickered.  "And put in the sex scenes."

"I can't write good sex scenes.  It's where I haven't dated in months."  They all stared at him.  "It's been nearly a year since I've had more than dinner with someone because of Olivia, guys.  I'm losing my touch.  The assassin didn't want to date me the other day and I nearly pouted her to death."  Rick shook his head quickly.

"The one in the paper?" the other author asked.  Xander nodded.  "Her girlfriend was very upset she was arrested, kid."

"Ah!  Then that's the reason.  Thank you for reassuring me I can find a new bad girl sometime soon."

"We have three on our case load," Rick quipped.  Xander smirked at him.  Rick smirked back.

"Don't tempt him.  Olivia might have to grow up without him," Stephen complained.  "Though, Xander, there's one from where I usually live who sent me a nice letter wanting to be introduced."  He handed it over.

Xander read it with a grin.  Then a smirk for him.  "Send her my way please."

"I can do that."  He made himself another note.

"At least you don't have that hormone condition," Rick soothed, patting Xander on the back.  Xander cackled.  "Or the hair."

Xander shrugged.  "He could put all sorts of weapons in it."

"Good, he probably needed them."  He dealt the first hand and they got to work on his current case.  Xander had a few strange ideas but the guys had better ones.  Alex...not so much, unfortunately.

***

Xander looked up from his writing in the park the next day when a shadow perched overtop of him.  He blinked at Alex.  "I'm under orders to get out of the house at least once a week."

"No baby?" he asked, looking around.

"Auntie time.  It's Auntie Tara's day off so she demanded."  He shrugged.  "We split custody of Olivia but I have her most of the time."

"Interesting."  He stared at him.  "Do the fantasy authors have poker games?"

"No, they occasionally have tea.  The ones locally are mostly older women."  He shrugged.  "I go to their teas but the mystery writers poker circuit also use me for ideas, a source of information on weapons and other strange things, and for supernatural ideas."

"That's interesting.  Probably helpful too.  How did you and Rick hook up?"

"The huge writer's convention in LA.  He ran the newbie panel for years and I got a lot of good advice.  Plus we share a publishing agent."

"Paula."  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Huh.  Do you always give them ideas?"

"My muses used to bite Rick every time he saw me."  He saved and put his laptop aside on his overshirt next to his drink.  "I met Beckett because of some of my dates."

"I should tap you for information."

Xander smirked.  "You're not evil enough to tap me, Alex."  The guy blushed.  "Problems?"

"They're..."  He huffed.  "Were they that mean to you?"

"It's like being a combat vet and getting your team handed a green, just out of basic training grunt," Xander told him.  "Sometimes you have to correct the ideas that the prior trainers gave him.  Sometimes you have to get them up to your team's standard.  Last night they were kinda mean," he admitted.  "But the guys have put out more books than I'll probably ever get published.  They're like wise older brothers in some ways."

"Oh."  He sat down across from him.  "Do you have people you go to for source material?"

"Beyond the demonic poker circuit?  Not usually.  I get ideas in the middle of the night and have to get up to write it or else it'll fade and I'll never get it back.  I'm not a 'real life' author like you and Rick are."

"I guess I can understand that.  Though I have read one of the Hunters novels."  Xander grinned.  "It was a bit... dark."

"That world's not fun.  It's not something you do if you're not sucked into it."

"You mean it's real?" he asked.

"Yeah, there's hunters, Alex.  I'm one.  The Winchesters are one.  Olivia's mom was a witch and her favorite auntie was the LA slayer."  Alex moaned, shaking his head.  "I've gotten multiple death threats about exposing demon kind.  I've got churches that want to burn me at the stake for it.  I get more hate mail than the _Harry Potter_ author gets.  And then I put out something in Tral's world for the dwarf jokes."

"How do you handle it when everything you've written needs to change?"

"I have an editor who tells me that first, and then Paula agrees.  Technically I have some on my computer that need to be changed a lot more that'll probably never come out because I have no idea how to do what they wanted me to do.  I take dictation for my muses.  Rick changes things and writes reality over.  The same as you do."  Alex nodded.  "So if reality isn't good enough then throw in a new character and change your timeline.  The addition of even one person can change things dramatically."  He grinned.  "I've done that once and the whole novel got changed.  Which Paula liked a lot more."  He leaned on his knees.  "Look at it as going back in time to change the future.  You bring back a book, you bring back knowledge, or you just draw another person into something and what happens?"

"Things change automatically," he realized.  Xander grinned and nodded.  "So I could change who did it in mine by adding in a new character or having them find something relevant."

"Yup."  Xander pulled his gun and glared at the person sneaking toward his drink and laptop.  They ran off.  He put his gun back and put his laptop into his lap with a grin for the other guy.  "Sometimes you have to reloop and change things.  Your editors will change a lot on you too."

"I get that.  I pouted about the first one but I understood it made it better."

"I've had whole things taken out and moved to other books, taken out completely, and whole characters changed on me.  I tend to take inspiration for characters from people I know."

"Huh.  That seems usual."

"Great writing exercise for when I'm stuck.  Pick up a baby name book."  Alex nodded.  "Library or at a bookstore.  Take an index card.  Flip to a random page, make out a character sheet and then write an under 2 page piece of their background."

"That's actually not bad and you can use them later."  Xander nodded with a grin.  "Baby name book?"

"It helps or everyone's the same name.  There's tons of them in the bookstores, some online.  Some even have random name generators.  Recently I've been using one of those that you can pick ethnicity to create characters."

"Like role playing?"

"That can help too if that's how you organize them.  I have an index card file with their basics and any background pieces on my computer if I want to use them."

"So..."  He tipped his head to the side.  Xander showed him the site and how it worked.  "Then take that, make a character however...."

"Some people keep a picture file to use.  Some people can make up off the top of their head.  That depends on how artistic you are.  I'm not so I have some picture files I found online."

Alex nodded.  "That's not a bad idea either.  Where would you suddenly insert a character?"

"Subtly.  Have them be one of the people in the crowd or something first.  Like anything you have to build them up."  He smiled.  "Hi, 'Liv.  Are you going to pounce?"  He hugged her when she did.  "Good pounce."  He grinned.  "Tara, this is Alex Conrad, Rick's newest protege writer."

She shook his hand with a smile.  "Tara Maclay."

"He mentioned you worked in a library," he said with a smile and wave at the baby.  "She's adorable."

"I try very hard," Tara said.  She took the laptop, getting a pout.  "We're going to lunch."

"We are," he agreed.  He smiled at Alex.  "Play around with a few before you insert them.  You'll find the one that fits the best."  Alex nodded, letting them go off together.  He had to think about that advice.

***

Xander looked up when someone came out onto the patio, staring at him.  "Problems?" he asked Dean.

"Slightly but it's a Sammy and Xander issue."

"Hmm.  So some demon wants to date him?" he asked dryly.  Dean nodded, handing Xander a soda.  "Thanks."

"What're you working on now?"

"Rearranging my files so I can find things.  Tara said she couldn't find something the other day."  He went back to his 'done and published' files, creating folders for each universe and moving things there.  Dean was staring over his shoulder.  "I've got it broken down into 'WIP', 'Needs Changed WIP', 'With Donnie', 'With Paula', and 'Published'."  He smirked.  "There's also a 'given up on it' folder."  He got back to work.

"How many are in there?"

"Seven at the moment."

"Are they done?"

"Yes but I hate them and Donnie wanted major changes that I haven't been able to do yet."  He shrugged.  "So we'll see.  I'll probably never be able to do what he wants me to."

"You could ask if Sammy has any ideas, Xander.  He's good at that stuff."  Xander nodded, going back to his fussing things into place.  Dean watched.  He was having to open a few to see what they were before moving them.  When he was finally done he drank half the soda and got back to work on something.  Dean shook his head.  Sometimes Xander was a bit weird.  "No Olivia?"

"She's making her auntie feel better tonight.  It would've been Tara and Beth's one year of living together anniversary tonight."

"I guess Tara would be bummed," Dean agreed.  He looked back as the door opened and Rick walked in with Olivia.  "Gee, Tara, you've changed," he said dryly.

"Tara got an emergency call to go sit with a coven member in labor."  He handed Dean the baby, letting him get hugged and snored on.  "I ran into her because I was going to ask her something about the library system for a book."  He looked at Xander.  "Paula said that you sent her the wrong thing."

"I just reorganized my files a minute ago.  Which one was I supposed to send her?"

"Something about dragons and you sent her another hunter novel."

"I can't fix that the way she wanted me to."

Rick patted him on the head.  "They change most everything on us, kid."

"I know but this goes beyond that to changing the whole storyline and I can't do that without rewriting everything, which makes it another story she won't like.  Like the last time."

"Okay," Rick said.  "I guess I can understand that.  Why don't you let someone else give you ideas?"

"That was my suggestion," Dean said.

"I would but I still don't know how I can change it that way.  She wants some major plot points changed to the point of I'd have to rewrite half of it and I can't get it back anyway."

"Let me have her give you some specifics?"  Xander huffed but showed him the email, getting a nod.  Then he let him have the story.  Rick read the parts after doing a search.   "That's going to require a massive rewrite, yes," he agreed.  He looked at his older protege.  "Sometimes we have to do that though."

"I can't get it back."

"Hmm.  That's the problem with being muse driven," he decided.  "Once they're done the idea's gone."  He handed the laptop back.  "I'll talk to Paula tomorrow, point out that your muses have moved on long ago by the date on that email."  Xander nodded.  "How many of those do you have?"

"That's one of the seven I've given up on completely and there's another ten she wanted more minor things changed that I've tried and failed to do but I'm still trying."

"Okay.  Well....  Why don't you have Alexis help?"

"I tried that with another one.  She agreed with Paula.  I decided all good writers have craptastic stuff on their hard drives and that's one of mine."

"Could be, yeah.  I have a few that suck on mine."  He grinned.  "I'll talk to her and point out that muses mean that the story disappears.  We'll see what we can do.  Maybe it's time you mentored someone and shared a story with them?  You do okay with that with us."

"Maybe," Xander sighed, grimacing some.  "It might help some more unknown writer.  I know some of the other big names in fantasy do it."

"True, some do."  He patted him on the arm.  "I'll talk to her about that.  You guys have a better night."

"If you see Sammy, make sure the demon ho has let him go," Dean said dryly.

Rick shook his head as he walked off.  "You guys are much more wild than I ever was."

Dean and Xander smirked at each other then Xander got back to work on something else.

***

Rick walked up to Paula for breakfast the next morning.  "You're stressing him out."

"Why?" she asked, sounding sarcastic.

"Because muses mean that the story disappears."

"Oh, crap."

"He's got a good few you want major changes on that he can't figure out how to do without rewriting it totally."

She considered it.  "I can understand that problem.  He's still writing hunter novels."

"It's like his therapy."  He sat down and poured himself some coffee.  "His work in progress folder is over twenty things in it."  She shivered.  "He said he reorganized the other day."

"Good!  He needed it."  She considered it.  "Did you see any sign of hope?"

"I suggested maybe he do what some of the bigger names are doing and help a younger author out?"

She considered it.  "He does work well with young authors and maybe that would work.  I know the author he's worked with on that panel at the conventions in LA.  I can talk to him to see how that usually went."  She sipped her coffee.  "He does well with you."

"With us, one of us hands over an idea and the other adds in things they think are missing."

"Which works.  That new one is going to shoot up very high very quickly."  She smiled at him.  "Not that either of you need the money."

"He's not touching his."

"That's probably a wise idea for any thin times later on."  She sipped her coffee.  "I'll see who's out there that's decent."

"Not Alex," he warned.  "I don't think he could handle doing something like that."

"No, probably not.  Or a few others I could think of.  You know, a few could be shorter stories if he'd trim them."

"Then suggest that to him, Paula.  He was genuinely frustrated when I mentioned it.  Like getting ready to pout in frustration."

She nodded.  "I know how stressful it must be doing that and having Olivia."

"Alexis was older when I got full custody," he agreed quietly.  "But Xander's found ways to work around that."

She nodded.  "And two children's books about good demons versus bad ones."  He grinned.  "The person I sent them to loved them."

"Good for him."

"Other than that, I've still got a backlog of his stuff to do."  Rick nodded.  "And you're due one soon?"

"Six months," he defended.  "Plus I've got it done."  He smirked and tossed over the keydrive.  She tucked it into her purse.  "And the new detective and baby one's on there."

"Even better.  Thank you for getting that final edit done."

"Maybe he should put those up on his website instead?"

"Maybe," she agreed.  "Or as e-books.  There's a great demand for them."  Rick nodded.  "I'll go over options with him once I find out who could co-author those stuck things."  He nodded, getting the waiter's attention so he could order.  "How is Alexis doing?"

"Much better but she's having friend problems.  She's got a jealous friend and a boyfriend, plus teen angst."

"Poor girl.  I'm so glad I got to skip most of that by being less than popular."  He smirked.  "You hush."

"Yes, Paula."  He smiled when his simple breakfast was brought and it was good to touch base with her over things.  Going to her own publishing house had let her be a lot more closely involved in his and Xander's careers.

***

Xander looked at the guy coming into the meeting room, nodding with a smile.  "So we meet again."

"Mr. Harris."  He shook his hand.  "I'm so glad you didn't hate me for what they had me do with that space vampire book."

"I knew it wasn't you."  He grinned.  "But now we're going to legitimately offer you a chance to play in my world."  The guy gave him a moan.  "I've got stuff I can't twist in the way that my publisher wants.  She wanted me to take out whole sections, rewrite some of the plot, and basically play to the market.  I have muses so when the story's done I usually lose it."

He nodded.  "I've seen a few others."  Paula walked in with files and copies.  He took the orders and the books to look over.  "This doesn't look that hard."

She shook her head.  "It's not, but with the way he writes he can't get back into those stories to fix what needs to be done.  Minor things he can usually do.  There's seventeen total books that need that sort of co-authoring work."

"You can have up to three," Xander offered.

The guy smiled.  "That's not a huge task."

"A few, it is," she warned.  "We're talking the plot plodded and twisted when it should've turned.  There's a few I wondered why the book was written at all because they were just having a road trip."  She sat down.  "Which is where you come in."

"And if this goes well, possibly another young author," Xander said more quietly.  He stared at him.  "You'd get second name on the book."

He nodded.  "That's actually a pretty fair deal.  I've been doing some ghost writing for money and I never get credit."

Paula smiled.  "Your version of his space vampires wasn't bad.  Which was the deciding factor.  You could already take some of what he's written and understand where he's going but twist it so it's more market ready."

"This could also mean a lot more exposure," Xander offered.  "Including interviews."

"I'd love that.  It'd mean I could quit ghost writing," he admitted with a smile.  "What sort of books are there?"  She laid out each one's basic synopsis and what needed to be done.  He narrowed it down to five right away and got to read them to see if he could figure out where to twist things.  He liked two and they were easy enough so a few days later he signed on to do that.  Second name on a book was pretty big when you'd only had established series work before.  And a few of these were in Xander's bigger selling series.

***

Xander walked into his fan club meeting, smiling at them.  "Hola, my people."  They beamed at him.  "Slight announcement then I'll disappear for ice cream.  I'm supposedly not here."  They laughed.  "A few of my stuff that needed *major* surgery got handed to another author to do some co-authoring work.  A few in some of the established things.  One of the DCIS later stories that I couldn't unkink without it causing major trauma.  One in Tral's universe that ended up being a bit too....road trip for my publisher's taste."  That got a few pouts.  "The guy who did that space vampire book?  He's the one undoing them.  It's already written but he's going to take it and fix it so Paula likes it."  A few laughed.  "Honestly, I couldn't unkink them."  He smiled at one and handed her a USB keydrive.  "That is going up on the site if you can hand it to your sister?  I know she's laid up at home."

"I can do that," she said, looking at it.  "What is it?"

"Six of the other things that Paula said weren't worthy of going into official print.  They're fan club member only.  I like them, a lot of others who've read them like them, but Paula thinks there's no way they'd sell.  So very limited to the fan club members."  They all beamed.  "That takes eight of the seventeen I have on my harddrive that Paula hated.  Two others are going to go short story routes.  One's going to be ignored, and the other six we'll see.  Those were the more liked.  The other six Tara liked sometimes.  Dean likes but Sam hates."  He shrugged.  "Not always my best work but I personally think all writers have a stash of stuff we wrote that's labeled shittastic."

The president smiled.  "I've seen some of that published."

"Yeah, well, some's better than others."  He smirked.  "So anyway, hand that to your sister?  Don't rag on the other guy?  He's doing us a major favor.  And if this works, we'll see those other six going to another young author to give them a bigger break."  That got a cheer.  "I love you guys.  You're so great."  He grinned and handed over a picture on a pamphlet.  "Upcoming things.  Olivia's picture next to it means that Tara got all hyper with the project and we'll both be there instead of her staying with her auntie that night."  He smiled and left.

"Wow.  A lot of upcoming things," the president said.  "Three conventions in the next seven months.  Oh my God, another short international trip to Mexico, Brazil, and Peru!"  They cheered and got onto the forum to let that be announced.  Her sister, Xander's webmistress, got emailed the other stuff to put up.  She put up a nice page announcing that it was fan club member only and what they were.  It got a lot of hits from his people.  So did the upcoming publishing schedule.  Though someone did mention that coauthored series with Castle that they weren't supposed to know was them.

***

Paula walked into Xander's office, taking his laptop to look at his file structure.  She got into a folder labeled 'shit' and downloaded the contents onto her key drive then handed back the laptop.  "That's my decision to make."

"You already did on three of them."  She gave him a dirty look.  "How about twin CSI elves?" he quipped.

She snorted.  "No one would believe that."

"One did NASCAR elves."

She walked off shaking her head.   "Make sure you don't step on their toes."

"I can find her people so you can make sure."  She waved a hand.  He got back to writing.   Olivia was squealing around the daycare today.  She had pouted when he didn't get her ready to go out so he knew she wanted to go.  That gave him a few hours of uninterrupted writing time.  Even if he could hear Dean splashing around in the pool.

Not like Dean was too noisy.  He could block out anyone, even the yowling, now wet cats that had tried to play with Dean in the pool that went running past the office to hide from the evil water.

***

At the next fantasy writers convention, Xander found his target.  He smiled at the older lady.  "Great One, can I have a moment of your time?" he begged with a grin.

She stared at him.  "Do I know you?"

"Alexian Harris, ma'am."

"Oh!  I've read one of yours."  He beamed.  "Problems?"

"I wanted to make sure I was nowhere near stepping on your ideas."  She gave him a dirty look.  "My publisher tried to call so you could make sure but they laughed and told her you had quit writing.  And for me to quit writing."

"He's getting a divorce so he's not been pleasant," she said.  "Why would you be near my toes?"

"CSI elves?"  He handed her the first few chapters.  "I wanted to make sure it got nowhere near anything you were doing with your elfhames.  I have no intention of dancing anywhere near it but someone's already made a 'if there's car racing ones, why not CSI elves' comment without me knowing."

"I saw that."  She stared at him.  "I'll check it over."

He beamed.  "That's the first four chapters and if you want the rest, let me know.  My email and phone is on the last page.  Thank you!  I didn't want to upset anyone."  He handed her a book with a shy grin.  "For my roommate?  She's a librarian and she really loves your stuff."  She smiled and signed it.  He squeed and bounced off.  The other fans were chatting.

She smiled.  "He's a charming young man, and very cautious.  I like that approach instead of me complaining later."

"He only dates bad girls," one quipped with a grin.  "His last one is up on robbery charges for a painting theft from a museum."  The other author gave her an odd look.  "He literally only draws bad girls for some reason.  No one's sure why."

That author smiled.  "Sounds like a story character."

"Mr. Castle uses him that way," that fan quipped, cracking up a few more.

The author smiled.  "I wondered who that new series was based off of."  She smiled at the next fan, doing her book.

***

Xander looked up from breakfast and beamed, pushing a chair out.  "Here, you can sit with me."

"Thank you, Mr. Harris."

"Alexian or Xander, please," he said quietly with a grin.  "I'm not the stuffy, formal sort."

She smiled.  "You have a good hand at the storytelling."  He beamed.  "It is nowhere near mine and I found who made that comment."

"Alex is Rick Castle's newest protege.  He called me a supernatural specialist too.  I kindly batted him on the head for it."  She giggled.  "But it's okay?"

"As far as I could see it's fine."  She patted him on the hand.  "How did you get that idea?"

He beamed.  "I managed to run into another version of myself a few times."  She gaped.  "Two came here.  One a witch sent me to."

"Oh, dear.  You're *that* Xander."  He nodded, losing his smile a bit.  "That explains a lot."  He nodded.  "Can't you date nice girls?"

"They don't give me the time of day.  I can flirt, be charming, be myself, be funny, but they still don't give me the time of day.  Bad girls will kidnap me, hold me down, give me great Xander lovin's."  He shrugged.  "I've never drawn good girls.  No one's sure why."

She laughed.  "That makes more sense.  Sometimes you can't pick but you can rehabilitate."

"If I could hold onto one I'd gladly try," he agreed with a shy grin.  "I'd love to have someone full time again.  And I'm not that picky."

She laughed.  "I know a few authors in our genre."

"Are they near New York?  The only ones I could find were the tea society."

She cackled.  "I know them and they're in Connecticut.  I'll see if they want to meet you at a convention, dear."

He beamed.  "Thank you.  I'm going to LA's, like usual, and then one in Brazil next month."

She nodded.  "I'll make note of that for him."  She winked.  "Good luck and is there any more Tral?"

"My publisher has three in the universe, two of the kids off getting into trouble with Tral going 'we did it better in my day and I got more tail too' and one with Heldara, which she hated."

"I'll see if we can get one of those out.  They were a fun read."

He beamed.  "Thank you.  Oh!  If you liked them, the one in six months isn't Tral but it's a very confused popular fairy who has to fight her wings, her friends, and her boyfriend to be more than an airhead."

She laughed.  "I saw a preview copy of that!  Very empowering yet still a very good read."  She patted him on the wrist.  "Thank you for checking with me."

"I'd always check.  I hated it when it was done to me that time.  Beyond that, I'm not that sort of asshole."  She laughed and got up, walking off giggling.  He grinned and went back to his breakfast.  That was a great thing.  He texted Paula.  Then he got up to go sit at his author's table.  He looked down and smiled and waved.  "Hi, guys."

"Alexian," one said happily.  "We didn't expect you to come."

"I showed up to talk to the Great One.  And agreed to stay today to do author things."  They smiled.  "I'm going to Brazil's next."

"Pack really thin clothes," one warned.  "It's unreasonably muggy most of the year."

"Yup, but it's got beaches."  They grinned and let him get back to signing for his fans.  "Hi."  The fan squeeed and took their picture together so he could sign her book.  She bounced off to another line to get another one signed.

***

Dean looked up as Rick came off the elevator.  "What's up?"

"Where is he now?  I know he's somewhere in South America by now."

"Brazil for another two days for some convention and some beach time.  Though he said he has picked up one pretty young thing who thinks he's handsome and really great in bed."

Rick moaned, shaking his head.  "That's probably what the entertainment people were going off over."  Dean nodded with a smirk.  "She actually a good one?"

"No idea."

Rick snorted.  "Well, at least there's a chance.  Paula said he had something she needed to be done?"

"He forgot to send it.  It's on his desk in the envelope."  Rick nodded, going to get it with a pet for the cat that stared at him.  Dean petted them all.  "You guys go back to sleep.  Olivia and Tara will be here tonight."  That got a tired meow and that cat went back to sleep.

"Is Olivia still chasing them?" Rick called.  "There's three envelopes."

"Does that surprise you?" Dean asked dryly.

"Not with how much he writes."  He looked in them, seeing the notes to the various people.  "Okay."  He took them all.  "Two go to her and one to me anyway.  I'll drop it on Alexis for him."  Dean nodded.  "Are you catsitting?"

"Yup.  After the last time, he wanted to make sure nothing happened.  Tara has Olivia driving her nuts."

"That's fine.  She's a good aunt."  He grinned.  "No hunts?"

"Not recently.  Half of them are hiding and Sammy's off in geek land at the college."

"Some people are like that."  Rick smirked.  "You go geek over the weapons.  Have you checked to see if anything new is down there?"

"Yup and when the room that had 'call O'Neill about' got full I did."  Rick nodded and left.  Dean went back to watching the movies Xander had on tap while petting the cats.  They were very nice to him.  That one still thought he was her kitten because she was kneading the side of his thigh.  She got extra love of course.  She was like his part-time pet.

***

Xander smiled at the agent who was trying hard not to look pissed off as he strolled down the beach toward him.  "What's up?"

"Hands off the explosives expert that works for terrorist cells, kid."

Xander looked at her.  "Figures but can I have your bomb manuals for research purposes?"

She kissed him.  "Of course you may.  Though I'm retired," she told the agent with a smirk.  "And you can't prove that."

He snorted.  "Yes I can.  I'm with US Homeland Security, ma'am."  She groaned.  "We keep track of him because girls like you try to date him."

"My brother would adore to have him," she said dryly.

"Your brother's not going to be able to keep up with me in the bedroom," Xander said, giving her a look over his sunglasses.  "He couldn't when I went out with him in LA."  She gaped, then slapped at him.  "What!  I didn't realize until I saw the picture yesterday."  He shrugged.  "If he mentioned that writer from near LA...."

"That's why I slapped you."  She swatted at him again.  "You broke his heart."

"How did I do that after two whole dates?" he asked dryly.  "And the man sells drugs.  I hate drugs.  I loathe drugs."

She pouted.  "I don't much like his business either," she complained.

"Neither do we, ma'am," the agent said smugly.  "Let's go."  She sighed but grabbed her towel and book.  "No, I'll carry them, just in case."  She pouted but let him lead her off.  "We'll be talking tomorrow, kid."

"Yup," he sighed, flopping back down.  "She had such nice girlfriend potential," he complained.  A few nearby laughed.  He smiled at one.  "She liked to blow things up.  It's a pity, I need a good girlfriend who wants to do more than shop."  One came over to coo at him.  He could get used to that, even if they were flirting because he was an American.

It turned out she was a Samba queen from a few years prior so she could even help him learn how to dance better in the clubs.  Which was a great girlfriend trait to have.

***

The agent met Xander at the airport.  "Is the new one coming up to visit?"

"Yup."  He grinned.  "She'll be in New York in six weeks for a convention."  He flopped down next to him.  "I did okay and I checked in daily with Dean so everyone knew I was all right."

"I heard that."  He stared at him.  "Winchester tried to call General O'Neill about some of their stuff appearing in your warehouse but someone diverted it."

Xander snorted.  "Yeah, probably the NID weenies again."

"Some."  He stared at him.  "They think they want you now too."

Xander smirked.  "I doubt they could handle me.  I'm not exactly nice."

"Good point.  Any word on Rosenburg's thing?"

"They need a more concrete anchor and her to have powers back."  They shared a look.  "No telling.  Olivia's going to start being my daughter soon."

The agent nodded.  "That's a good idea, kid.  By the way, I'm escorting you back to the US since her brother's now down here.  I have no idea why he's so broken hearted," he said sarcastically.

"I'm surprised he didn't get hurt during the curse," Xander said quietly, glancing around then at him.  "But I refused him because of the drug stuff.  I loathe drugs."

"Good!"

Xander gave him a shoulder nudge with a grin.  "What else does Sheila do?"

"She's a domme as far as I can tell.  So not evil."

"Yay!"  He got up and did a snoopy dance.  "Thank you!"

"Welcome, kid," he sighed.  "Sit down and be less happy."  Xander did, looking through his bag.  He got up to get something to eat and then came back to sit down and read.  The agent shook his head, watching the kid be goofy and peaceful was warping considering what he usually saw the kid over.

***

Xander walked off the plane into an ambush.  "Guys, chill," he complained.  "I clearly don't look my best since I just flew back from Brazil."

"Who was that guy that walked off your date," one reporter called.

"He's an agent and he found out she does explosives stuff."  He looked around.  "He's already snuck off."  They pouted.  "Sorry, guys, no juicy story this time."

"Alexian, it's said you're fairly well off," another one called.  "Why weren't you on the eligible bachelor's list?"

"Um... maybe because only bad girls and boys like me?" he quipped with a grin.  "Though my dinner date last night wasn't a bad girl at all.  She was really pretty nice."  He smirked.  "Now, can I go?  Please?  I have to hit the potty too people."  They let him go.  He did indeed hit the bathroom and snuck out the other doors to the baggage claim.  He had no idea how reporters had gotten that far into the airport.  It was annoying as hell though.  He grabbed both his bags, nodding at the agent.  "Have a nice day.  I told them you snuck off."  He headed for a cab.  One was a demon.  He slid in and stared at him.  "What?  I'm home."

"Going to collect Olivia from the library first, Harris, or just home?"

"Home.  Tara can bring her over."

"She's causing a holy mess."

"I guess we can pause then," he said through a yawn.  The cabbie nodded, hitting his meter button before driving off.  "Why is she causing problems?"

"She's a toddler doing toddler things."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "Yeah, at home she chases the cats for those moments, usually up to the pool."  The cabbie laughed, shaking his head.  Xander let himself drift a bit until they got to the library.  He got out and walked inside.  "'Liv?  Pool time."  She ran out with a squeal.  "Say thank you, auntie."

"Fanks!" she called with a grin and a wave.  "Good girls!"  She giggled, hugging him.

"Sorry, Tara."

"She was being a toddler," she sighed.  "Thank you, Xander."

He smirked on his way back to the cab, taking her home.  "What did you do?  You looked like you wore Auntie Tara out."  She was already asleep on his chest.  "Fine, we'll talk later about how you act in a library, Olivia."  He patted her gently.  The cabbie grinned.  Xander smirked back.  "She told them they were good girls too."  The cabbie laughed.   He looked down at her.  "Why weren't you in daycare, young lady?"  He tested her forehead.  No fever.  "Any clue?"

"They had a case of chicken pox show up earlier so got shut down by the local rumors."

"Ah.  Okay then."  He paid him and a tip, letting him help him with the bags.  "Thanks, man."  He got them inside and kicked the bags in gently, then shut the door.  He made sure he had them all then got them into the elevator so they could go upstairs.  He handed her to John since he was on the couch and went to get his things to put upstairs.  "My last date wasn't evil, she was a domme and a samba dancer."

"That's unique," John snorted.  He checked her.  "Why are you napping now?  You don't have a fever."

Xander came back down the stairs.  "She was being a toddler in the library since the daycare got shut down for chicken pox."

He handed her back.  Xander took her up to lay her down.  Then he came back down.  "You're tanned."

"I spent three days on the beach," he said with a smirk.

"It clearly did you good.  Paula wanted a call."  Xander nodded, settling in to call her from the house phone.  He heard the sniffle first.  "We're down here, Olivia.  Including Xander."  She ran down and pounced him, getting cuddled.  "Maybe she is sick."

"She's seen me every day, even when Tara has her," Xander said quietly.  "Cats, I'm home."  They came running in to pounce him and the baby, which made her quit clinging so much.  Paula took him off hold.  "So, I'm back.  My last date isn't evil and she's pretty.  What's up?"  He listened then groaned.  "Why?" he complained.  "I hate drugs and I don't want his drug compound!"  John was laughing so he kicked him.  "Did he and his sister duel or something?"  He listened.  "No, they can confiscate his house.  If he has a shrine I want the pictures back but otherwise no.  I'll talk to the embassy later today.  Thank you for ruining my dinner, Paula."  He hung up and tipped his head back.  "Why me?"

"Clearly something evil?" John taunted with an evil smirk.

Xander looked at him.  "Are you possessed and feeling the same urge?" he quipped.

"No!"  He burst out laughing when Dean came in from the pool area.  "One of his evil things did something."

"Was that the evil thing whose brother did drugs?" Dean quipped.  Xander nodded.

"Good boy," Olivia cooed, petting the uncle.  Xander kissed her on the head with a grin.  She smiled back.  "Good boy?"

"I'm a very good boy but we have to go visit the embassy for Brazil."  She squealed, she knew 'visit' meant going out to see people.  Which meant she got to wear the pretty things.  She ran for her room.  "Wait for me," Xander called, heaving himself up and going up there to get her redressed.  "Did Auntie Tara forget to bring your right stuff?" he demanded.  "That dress is too small."  He got her into something nicer and her size then took her down to the car.

It was a pretty long drive uptown to the embassies and the UN.  He had to stop at one and ask directions.  The French door guard was polite at least.  He finally found a parking spot and got out, taking her with him.  She fussed so he let her walk and just hold his hand.  He walked inside, staring at the receptionist.  "I'm told that a once former date and his sister who I was just seeing this week decided to commit suicide over me so I should come see you guys."

She blinked a few times.  "What?"

"I'm Alexian Harris.  I got told two former dates just died and I had to come see you guys."

"Let me call someone, sir."  She called the under-ambassador, who clearly knew what was going on.  "He'll be right out."

"Thank you."  He sat down with Olivia next to him.  He fussed with the ribbon.  "I have to iron that down, 'Liv.  It won't stay down."  She scowled and patted at it.  "We'll fix it after we wash it."  She beamed at him.  Someone came out and he looked at them.  He got a smirk.  "Duels?"

"He was so miserable his note said he had her blow them both up in the car.  That way you could have the compound and her apartment."

"I don't want either.  If he has a shrine, I want the pictures, but otherwise I loathe drug dealers."

"Good!"  He took them back to his office.  "I must say, she's well behaved."

"I've had to bring her to interviews before.  She's usually a good girl."  He grinned and sat down in there.  Olivia decided to sit on his lap and stare at the guy.  "This is an ambassador, 'Liv, not a reporter.  We're talking about different things, not books."  She scowled.  He stared at her and poked her until she laughed and cuddled.  "Anyway, what did we need to do?"

"We need you to sign over all rights so we can claim his assets."

"Of course.  As long as I get any pictures.  If he was moping that much I'm expecting he had at least one."

"That's more than agreeable."  He called the police down there to liaison between the two.  The young man wasn't unreasonable, even if he was gay or whatever, but it was nice he was cooperating.  "Sir, what do you do?"

"I'm a fantasy author."

"Oh!"  He nodded with a smile.  "That's nice."

"I was just down there for the major book festival."  He grinned.  "An agent I know in Homeland came down to get his sister off me and I found a nice one afterwards on the beach who's a samba dancer."

"Interesting.  Are you two going to do something impetuous?  If so, I need to start some visa paperwork."

"No.  I'd have to have a prenup and she's coming up to visit in a few weeks for a work related conference.  We'll see if we can date then."

"That's reasonable."  He made that note in case it became a problem.  Then they got down to the contents of the houses.  Apparently the scum had lawyers who were trying to intervene and telling them they couldn't do things.  He had to let the young man talk to him but it calmed him down and they quit protesting the seizure of his assets.  Of course, the lawyer knew that they had some hidden and that would probably be sent to the young man.  He had no idea what he'd do with it.  He didn't seem to be into drugs, though you never could tell about those gay artistic types.  Or his nicely dressed daughter.

He did not understand their sort.

***

Xander smiled at the reporter who came into the room.  "You're not Michelle," he teased.

"I'm not but I did have a question.  What happened in Brazil?"

"My bad girl drawing power."

"Oh."  She grimaced.  "Again?  We heard rumors of an agent going after your date?"

"He ...kinda... watches who I'm dating," he admitted.  "With my draw he figured it'd be an easy background check and then arrest.  Kinda."  She smiled.  He sighed.  "He showed up to tell me she was retired from explosives and stuff."  She winced.  "And then she got bothered because I had dated her brother twice in LA, which made him mope.  So he got her to blow them up in his car."  She gave him an incredulous look.  "I spent the last few days in and out of the Brazilian embassy.  That way I made sure I got any pictures he took of me.  I signed over rights to everything else so they could confiscate it."

"That's very just of you."  She blinked.  "Any other news?"

"The one I dated after he got her to huff off was nicer."  He grinned.  "She doesn't do bad things like that.  She's a dancer."

"Oh, my, a good one!" she asked, sounding excited.  Xander beamed and nodded.  "That's great news!"

"We've only been on one date and made a tentative plan for one when she has to come up for a convention soon.   So, maybe.   We'll see how it works out."  She beamed and went to write that story up.  The book reporter leaned in.  "Hi, Michelle."

"You actually dated a nice girl?"

"Yeah.  She was great.  Funny at dinner.  She didn't laugh at how I danced and helped me get a bit better on the floor.  We took a long walk.  I beat a mugger but otherwise it was a nice date and we agreed to go out when she came up for a conference."

"Huh.  Wonderful news, Alexian.  Maybe your string of bad girls is over with?"

He shrugged.  "No clue," he admitted.

"Have you had any overt problems with being bisexual?"

"I think it was nice the ambassador I've been talking to didn't sneer too much.  Though he did think I did a *fabulous* job with Olivia's outfits," he said dryly.  She snickered.  "He admitted he didn't understand us gay, artistic types.  It wasn't classical literature so he didn't read it.  I've had a few of the churches that hate me for doing fantasy novels hate me more because of the dating stuff, but most of them hate that I date bad girls.  The one that keeps burning me in effigy wrote 'fag' on the doll a few times but I ignore their stupidity before it makes my brain hurt."  He shrugged slightly.  "Outside a few incidences in the club that I could sneer and intimidate into not trying me, not really."

"Then again, no one would want to threaten the guy with the battle axe who takes out demons," Alex Conrad said from the doorway.

"You're early," the book reporter chided.

Xander smirked at him.  "I'm more known for all sorts of weapons, Alex.  From artillery down to my pretty, special battle axe."  The guy shivered.  "Speaking of, that one that blew herself up, she let me have her bomb manuals," he bragged with a grin.  "I, of course, shared them but now I have them to study in case something happens and someone sends me another one."

"They have?" the author and the reporter demanded.

"Twice now," Xander agreed. "Once was my mother but the other was a nice minister from Florida."  He crossed his legs and shrugged slightly but grinned.  "I'm told the bomb squad guy got really pissed off and flew down to personally arrest the guy."

"Good!" she decided with a smile.  "It's good when our local department is so proactive."

"I adore most of the local department," he said with a smile.  "I respect them.  I totally adore most of them."  She gave him an odd look.  "I ran into five that hated demons.  One of which decided to try to beat me."

"Ah," she said with a nod.  "That's very reasonable then.  Most of them aren't like that."

"No, I haven't run into any but those five.  I adore the local guys.  And the ones in LA for the most part.  They stalked me for months on dates."  She giggled.  "Anyway...  Why the call?"

"Banned book week is next month."  He nodded he knew that.  "Are you going to the celebration?"

"I am.  I think it's important to fight back against that.  Even the most evil literature is still freedom of thought and expression.  Even if I personally hate it, I can not buy it.  I can burn my personal copy if I did buy it.  It's not my right to tell anyone in any business, library, or school what people can and can't read though.  I've always been against that.  Even if some of the stuffier research books did tempt me to burn them for talking back while I read."  She gaped.  "There's a few books that have things trapped in them," he said dryly.  "They're kinda annoying."

"I'd suppose they are."  She smiled.  "Did you have a comment on being on one of the lists?  You made number ten this year."

"I did what?" he asked.  She showed him the article and he read it then stared at her.  "I'd love to laugh at their paranoia.  What are they worried about?  That I wrote a positive, peaceful demon who was trying to do good for the world?  Or that I wrote a positive, peaceful demon at all?"

"I don't know."

Alex coughed, lounging in the doorway.  "Locally, one of his YA books has been being pushed to be banned."

"Which one?" Xander asked.

"The 'not every hero is handsome' one."

"Huh.  And yet that's a very positive message.  It goes against Hollywood stereotypes, but it's a very positive message."

"I think it was the herpes sore."

"I wrote it as a cold sore."

She cleared her throat.  "I have heard that."

Xander looked at her.  "I'd like to laugh at them like Monty Python would, but that just blows my mind that they consider that offensive.  Why?  Because he's not handsome and perfect?"  He snorted.  "No one's perfect.  And if it was up to the pretty people, we'd have all died ages ago."  She smiled and patted his knee.  "You can definitely quote me on that one," he said dryly.  "The uptight bitches who think that everyone who does the good stuff has to be perfect and handsome or beautiful will have shallow kids who can't do much beyond push out more shallow kids.  Maybe that's one thing that's wrong with the US today."

"Only in New York and LA," Alex said dryly.

"True.  You don't find too many people like that in other areas.  Outside Miami.  I ran into a few of them down there during a book convention.  I was famous but not cute enough for their clubs."  He gave her a look.  "Please tone that down so I don't sound quite as militant?" he begged.

"I've met many of that sort and yes, they are one thing that's wrong with the US."

"More geeks need to be in control," Xander said dryly.  "Because we're all aware we're never going to be perfect, just geeky and smart.  Plus do things for the world."

"I noticed in some of the pictures from your time on the beach that your scars were less," she said.  "Did you get them lasered down?"

"I did but that was for practical matters.  That way no one could try to trace what happened and perhaps find some health issues I'd rather never get out.  As in I can't say a word about it by order of Homeland," he whispered.

"Oh!"  She blinked a few times.  "I heard you were in the hospital due to some demon trying to start an apocalypse by giving you a demon plague."

"Yeah, and if you looked at the scars and knew what caused them, then you'd be able to figure out what happened.  So it was a measure of security they suggested."  He took off his shirt.  "They're not fully gone, just lightened a lot.  None of the skin sticks up."

She looked and pointed.  "Is that a sword cut?"

He looked and pointed.  "That one?"  She nodded.  "Dagger from a girlfriend."  He put back on his shirt.  "Anyway.  I'm not against plastic surgery if it'll make you feel better.  I'm against fake parts as a general rule, they don't really make it hot for me from a girl."  He grimaced.  "They don't have any feeling and they're a lot less fun than the natural parts were."  She tittered.  He smirked.  "I'm blunt but honest.  If she wants to get her nose fixed to make herself feel better, go for it.  If she's doing it to try to fit into some ideal, it's a waste of time, money, and energy.  Learn to accept yourself and all that you are.  Bumps, lumps, and small breasts.  Plenty of guys like them."  She cackled, swatting at him.  "They do!"

"Do you?" Alex taunted with a smirk.

Xander looked at him.  "You can ask Tara to change you into a girl to see if I hit on you," he quipped.  Alex shuddered, walking off shaking his head and moaning.  He smirked at her.  She hugged him.  He hugged back.  "You give nice cuddle, Michelle."  He let her go.  "Before you think I'm getting frisky."

"I know I'm not bad girl enough for you, Alexian."  She smiled. "Thank you."

"Thank you for letting me know the girls who aren't attractive enough in any spectrum hate me for writing a book saying it's okay to be ugly outside and inside."  He got up and left with a grin.  "All yours, kid."

"I'm older than you," Alex complained.

Xander smirked.  "I've been doing it longer."  He put on his sunglasses and walked outside, calling Paula.  "The spoiled, selfish, shallow bitches hate my books?  Wow, I didn't know they could read," he quipped.  "Yeah, I'm there.  Is it suit and tie?  Decent."  He hung up and got ice cream on his way to pick up Olivia from daycare.  The daycare worker gave him a horrified look for the cone so he finished it.  He grinned.  "Did you know someone tried to ban one of my books for having a positive message that went against the usual superhero stereotype?"

"I saw that article.  I laughed myself sick since I loved that book."  He beamed.  "That's a good reason to have ice cream."

"Yes it was.  I wasn't aware some of those type could read."  She cackled.  "Hi, Peggy," he cooed, patting the baby on the head.  She cooed and at the worker, who picked her up to cuddle.  "Is 'Liv still torturing people?"

"She's pouting that the books don't read to her.  I made sure the books quit reading to her."

Xander rolled his eyes.  "I'll have a talk with her auntie."

"Thank you, Xander.  Olivia, your uncle's here."  She squealed all the way out to pounce him.  "Have a good day."

"You too."  He picked her up with a groan.  "You weigh a ton.  Did you eat everyone's lunch?"  He tweaked her belly.  "If you did, we're having jelly beans for dinner."  She giggled and hugged him, getting one back.  "I love you too, 'Liv."  He took her home, putting her down in front of Dean and John.  "Someone was making the books read to her."

"I have no idea how to stop that," John admitted.  "I'll talk with Tara later."

"Thanks.  I'm useless in that area."  He looked at Dean.  "I'm going to the banned books event.  Want to come?  Since I'm on the top ten list this year?"  John gaped.  Xander got two and held them up.  "Top ten," he said, waving one.  "Locally one of the top ten."

"But they're not...." Dean said.  "You'd think the hunter novels because they're darker and have smut sometimes.  Or fights."

"You'd think," Xander agreed dryly.  He put them back.  Olivia was pouting.  He handed her one of her books, which did indeed read to her magically.  And it sounded like her father's voice.  Xander sniffled.  "You made it sound like your dad," he said quietly.

John smiled and patted her on the head.  "We'll talk about not doing that at daycare."  Xander nodded, going to work on dinner.  "You could take Sam."

"Sam already said he wanted to go," Xander told him.

"Good.  It's good for him to get out of the house sometimes."  He looked at where his other son was reading outside in the sun.  "Olivia, Sam's reading."  She brought the book out to him, making him wake up and read to her.  They smiled.  Sam was good with her.  All three stared at the answering machine when the phone rang.  They didn't answer the phone unless it was someone they knew.

//Harris, this is Detective Third Grade Schwartz with the Rapid Response unit.  We heard rumors that you have bomb manuals?//

Xander grabbed it, walking off talking to him.  He promised they could come bum them if they wanted.  He was all for sharing.  He hung up and got back to dinner.  "Listen for the security panel."

"Sure."

Dean and John got back to watching tv.  The local news wasn't all that informative sometimes.  Today's was downright just infotainment.  Xander looked over at hearing his name, snorting at that information.  "You have that much money?" John asked.

"I have more than that thanks to that curse."  He shrugged and got back to it.  "I didn't want to be on the most eligible bachelor's list.  I don't date that way."

"None of them are evil," Sam quipped from outside.

"That too," Xander agreed dryly.  The guys all cracked up, and John let in the officers when they got there.  Xander grinned at the sour looks.  "I got it from the girl in Brazil who blew herself up.  She used to do it for terrorist groups but she was retired."

"That figures," one of them said.  "You also got another one at the drop box, Harris."

Xander stared at him.  "Really?  Huh.  From who this time?"

"Some local church.  And a letter we weren't sure about so we had to scan."  He handed it over.  "We scan anything suspicious and they were jumpy after that last bomb."

"I'd be jumpy too," Xander agreed, opening the bag and then the envelope.  He sighed.  "Anya."  John looked over.  "It's...  well, it's strange."  He looked up and grinned.  "Thanks, guys."

"Welcome, Harris.  They're delivering the rest tomorrow."

"We usually go once a week," Dean told him.

"You've got three bags," the officer said.

"Any other threats and I'll gladly hand them over too.  The manuals are in the boxes by the stairs, guys."  They dug into them, taking out the ones they didn't have.  "Make copies and hand the originals back?"

"Of course."  He smirked.  "Thanks, kid."

"I respect the hell out of you guys.  Most of the whole department actually."  He stared at him.  "If I hear about new stuff I'll gladly show you guys just in case."  They smiled and left with the manuals.  Xander looked at the letter again.  "John, come do this please?"  He nodded, coming over to do that.  Xander took the letter into the office.  He started to call the convent then hung up.  They wouldn't let him talk to her so he'd go in person.  He called the airlines instead.  "Guys, where's Olivia's passport?"  Dean got it and handed it over.  "Thank you."  No direct flights for a few days.  Olivia wouldn't stand being cooped up that way for that long.  So maybe a private flight.  It was really expensive but yay.  And he had to be back for the banned books event.  So he had four days to get to Spain and back.

Dean and John shared a look.  Looked like they were kitten sitting.

***

Xander walked into the convent, seeing the scowls.  "I got asked to talk to Sister Rosemary."  Olivia smiled and waved.  "She's a nun, Olivia.  Like your uncle took you to visit."  She smiled and put her head back down.  He was led to a meeting room and sat down.  She settled in on his lap.  "We're going to talk to someone," he said in her ear.  "I need you to be a good girl then we'll go back to the hotel."  She snuggled.  He stood up when the door opened, staring at the older lady.  "Sister Rosemary asked me to speak with her, Sister."

"Who are you?"

"Xander."  She glared.  He stared back.  She finally had to huff and stomp off.  He sat down until the door opened again and a younger nun came in this time.  He stood up and smiled.  "Sister."  Anya smiled and closed the door.  He sat down once she did, because Alexis had taught him manners.  "What's up?"

She stared at him.  "There's a few matters I need to divulge and divest myself from," she said quietly.  She stared at the baby.  "You have a daughter?"

"This is Olivia Rosenburg."

"I heard."  She smiled at the baby, getting a grin and a wave back.  "She's very cute and sweet.  You're obviously doing a good job."

"All but the talking books thing but she knows she can't do it at daycare.  It's reading to her in her daddy's voice."

She nodded.  "That's not that hard to block off."

"Tara's trying."

"Since I have to divest myself of my last worldly assets anyway, I can make sure she gets my books, Xander."  Xander nodded.  "Will you act as my executor?"

"Of course.  What did you want me to do?"

"I want you to take my money, buy yourself a nice wife who will spoil you grandly, and have babies.  I know it probably won't happen."

He smirked.  "I'll find someone."

"Still bi?"  He nodded.  "Good.  No matter what the Church teaches, love isn't wrong."  She shifted.  "This is very awkward."

"I know."

"They're trying to give it to themselves and I don't want that.  Some yes, but not all.  Others can do better work with it."

"I can gladly go spread it to charities that you'd like," he offered.  "To help women get away from asshole husbands, children's shelters."

She smiled and nodded.  "I would like that."  She wrote out her orders and a few other words, then handed them over with a key from her pocket.  "That is to my bank account and my financial manager's code."  Xander nodded, putting it into his pants pocket.  "Tara gets my books."

"She's working in a library that has a reserved and donated collection from another paranormal researcher."

"That would be acceptable as long as no one used them to do harm.  I couldn't stand that now."

"I can see that."

She smiled.  "The rest is yours."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "Answering that wish for Cordelia was the best and worst mistake of my life, but now I understand much more."

He smiled sadly.  "I'm sorry it came down to this."  He pulled out something and held it up.  "It's still yours so you have to decide."

She touched the wedding ring and nodded.  "Sell it and give the proceeds to an abuse shelter."  He nodded.  She sniffled and he gave her a hug.  "Thank you, Xander."

"You're welcome, Sister.  You know you only have to ask if you have need of my help."

She sniffled and nodded.  "I know.  That's one of the best things about you."  She smiled at the baby, patting her on her head.  "She's definitely her mother's daughter."

"We're working on that."

"Good.  She'll do great things by following Tara."  She smiled.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem."  He smiled sadly.  "Have a good life, Anya."  She nodded and he left with the baby and the papers.  Olivia was staring at him but that was all right.  He was a bit sad.  He had caused her to change into that quiet, non-Anya person but it seemed that it was good for her.  So maybe he wasn't damned for his anger at her.

***

Xander walked into a building the day after he got back in New York.  "Ma'am, I need to talk to someone about a donation," he said.

"Of course, sir.  Are you affiliated here?"

He shook his head.  "My ex wanted me to donate some of her worldly goods here."  She nodded, giving him a pitying look.  The director came out and he shook her hand.  "Ma'am."

"Mr. Harris.  I saw you at the banned books event."

He nodded.  "That was me.  Can we talk privately?"

"Of course."  She led him to her office and shut them in.  "A donation?"

"I'm sure by now you've heard of my ex, who is now a nun?"

"I have heard something about that."  She sat down.

"Anya used to be the vengeance demon for Women Scorned.  The one women called to when their men were bad to them or cheated on them.  She was over that for over a thousand years."  She gaped.  "She's presently in a convent in Spain.  She named me executor of her estate to deal with her worldly goods."

"Why is she there?"

"I caught her cheating and called one of her brethren to help her find peace, charity, and faith.  I never expected her to get that far."  He grimaced.  "She was a money-grubbing nympho who slept with over a thousand people within six months."  She gaped.  "Once she got fired from her position, we took up together and things went downhill.  To the point of me walking in to find her on the couch with my best friend.  Her explanation was 'she's good'."  The woman shuddered.  "That one got blessed to find a nice husband who would help her find the light and hopefully want a large family."  He patted Olivia on the back.

"I see."  She stared at him.  "So why is she donating to us?  Or is that your idea of penance?"

"No.  It's not penance.  This is what she wanted.  You do work with some of the smaller shelters.  You do good work, and I've always had the 'firing squad' mentality for spousal abusers anyway.  Personally I'd like to shoot them all, including my very hard drinking father and mother."  She nodded at that.  "Anya's job was always for women who needed to have their husbands punished.  Helping you helps more of those who she would've served before not need her successor's services."

"What did she want to be handed over and did she want acknowledged?"

"Not really.  You can call her by her old name if you wish.  Which was Anyanka."

She shivered.  "I've seen that name scrawled on a wall before."

"She wasn't nice about it when she needed to be.  Turning a guy who beat his wife for not putting the toilet seat down into the only working flush toilet in their tiny Central American village was her style."  She burst out cackling.  "Exactly.  Which is why I came to you.  You do work with a lot of the smaller shelters.  I also know that you're doing a fundraising drive and could use the donation."  He pulled the envelope out of the diaper bag to hand her.  "And if you're doing an auction, the ring is to go into it.  It's the ring I gave her.  She said for it to go too," he said more quietly.

She looked at the check and then at him.  "That will help a lot, Mr. Harris."

He nodded and smiled.  "I figured it would.  I matched hers.  There's another check in there."  She pulled it out and smiled then at the ring.  "I know what we did wasn't fair but I'm one who escaped all that pile of drinking shit to be blunt.  I've seen some of the best and worst of humanity, and so did she.  We'd both love for people to be protected when they needed to be.  She's doing it in a different way, I do mine in a different way."

She smiled.  "I understand."  He relaxed and smiled.  "We do work with some shelters for abused males."

"Good."  She smiled more brightly.  "I've seen some bad examples of that from my heavy drinking mother and a witch with magic addiction issues that used memory spells."

She shuddered.  "That's heinous."

"She's stopped."  He pointed at the baby.  "They've since helped her addiction so she no longer does that."

"Excellent."  She smiled.  "I can gladly donate these in her name.  We are doing an auction and I'll put her ring into it."

He nodded.  "Thank you.  Say thank you, Olivia?"

"Fank you, good girl," she chirped with a grin.

"She's very smart."

"I'm hoping so.  I've got great educational plans for her so she can do something spectacular without having to hunt."  He stood up.  "You have a good day."

"Where is she now?"

"Spain.  Her new convent doesn't do much with the people but they do help those who've been affected by the supernatural."  She smiled.  "It's something she's good at and she actually hates kids.  Can't stand others needing her.  She got removed from one of her old convent's shelters because she advised someone to get a gun and shoot their spouse."

"I knew her," she said.

Xander grinned.  "That's my Anya.  Thank you."  He left, going to the other two charities.

She leaned back and called in her board members.  "We just got a very large donation from  a former vengeance demon who is now a nun.  Anyanka had to divest some of her worldly goods and had her former fiancee donate to us.  Including to the auction."  She held out the ring for them to see.

"He had nice taste," one said.  "Where is she now?"

"Spain."  She smiled.  "Remember Sister Rosemary?"  They all nodded.  "That's her."  They beamed.  She held up the checks, getting moans of pleasure.  "He said to use it to help both types of shelters."

"We can gladly do that."  They settled in to figure out how to spend the nice checks.

***

Xander walked into the library, earning a scowl from the head librarian.  "I'm not bringing her in to see Tara.  I'm here with a donation from someone else."

"Something you inherited?"

"Something like that.  Can we speak?"  She nodded, taking him back to her office.  "My former fiancee, Anya, is a nun.  She had to finish shedding her worldly goods."

"Oh!  Tara told me about her.  She was alive a long time."

"Yes.  The only stipulation she had was that no one get into her books for harmful reasons.  Which Tara can ward them against."  She nodded.  He handed her Olivia and grabbed two others to help him bring in the boxes on hand trucks.  He had to go out for the rest then came back.  "These are her book collection, some from her first time as a human, some more recent ones, including her diaries.  The Church wanted to confiscate them but she refused."

She handed him the baby and got into them.  "She did an excellent job storing them."

"We'd like for them to go into the restricted room or that hidden room if you could.  We don't mind researchers but until Tara can make sure no one's using them for harmful reasons we'd like them to be safe."

"We won't put them out until she does, Xander."  Xander grinned.  Olivia giggled.  She smiled at her.  "What is her thing with pouting at the books?"

"She's got a small gift like Tara does."

"I've noticed a few dancing books when she was bored."

"She's been making them read to her in her daddy's voice," he said quietly.  "So if some suddenly start speaking in an Irish accent, Tara can fix it."

"That's fine."  She smiled.  "That's a very good reason."  Xander nodded.  "Is this all her collection?"

"Outside three diaries she's done since she became a nun.  The church could legitimately confiscate those.  Though I'm told a quarter of the first one is wondering why this had to happen to her.  I know a few pages probably swear at me."

"I heard."

Xander nodded.  "I was really mad and she seems content.  Nothing's keeping her there."

"Good."  She smiled.  "Do we have a book inventory?  An estimate of worth?"

"No.  Not in the least.  She basically had them in storage unless she needed one."

"That's fine.  We can do that."  Tara tapped and walked in.  "He's acting on his fiancee's behalf."

"Anya," Tara said.  Xander nodded.  "Is she happy?"

"She seems to be.  Nothing's keeping her there but she was glowing and happy.  She was quiet, calm, said Olivia was a lot like her mother."

"Huh.  Usually she would've had hives at the baby."  She took her to cuddle.  "I fixed the three books she got."

"Thank you, Tara.  We'll need you to make sure no one gets into these with intent to cause harm."

"The hidden room has that on the doorway," she said with a smile.  "Once it's been in there a week, it's on the books."

"Even better."

"I just shored up what was already done."  She kissed Olivia on the tip of her nose.  "You're awfully quiet."

"We went to donate on Anya's behalf to a few other places.  Including an abuse shelter and a soup kitchen."

"Wonderful."  She kissed him on the head.  "Someone called John from Brazil."

"The embassy or down there?"

"Here."

"I'll pop around."  She nodded and smiled, handing Olivia back so she could go back to work.  "Bad girl date," he said quietly.  She cackled and nodded she had heard.  "So, anyway, donated in Anya Emmerson or Anyanka's name at her insistence."

"I can get you the paperwork for her.  Thank you for thinking of us, Xander."

"It was you guys or the warehouse.  At least here it'll do some good."  He smiled and left to go to the embassy.  The lawyer for his date and her brother was there waiting.  He stared at them.  "What?  I signed over everything."

"There were accounts that they could not seize," the lawyer said happily.  "His will said to leave it to you instead of someone who'd use it for harm."

"I don't need it."

"So?"  He smirked.  "That's the law."

Xander sighed and signed the forms.  "It's going to a drug treatment facility or three."  He looked at the check then at him.  "Seriously?"  He nodded.  "Fine.  It's still going to the drug treatment center.  Thank you."  He shook their hands and left, Olivia nearly asleep on his shoulder.  She could nap in the car on the way to a shelter he knew about down by the South American section of the city.  He found some drummers and rolled down the window.  "Guys, I need to donate to a shelter down here.  I know there's one, where is it?" he called.  They pointed up the street.  "Thanks."  He smiled.  "You're off beat by a quarter note."  They grinned and got back to it.  He drove off.  He parked and saw someone smoking on the stairs.  "By any chance you're not the director, are you?" he asked hopefully.  "The baby's asleep."

"I can get him.  He's due for a smoke break," he said with a smile.  He went inside and came out.  "Him, sir."

The man scowled.  "What?  We don't have demons."

"I know that."  He shrugged.  "Though you do have demons but they're peaceful so none of my business.  Did you hear that I dated a bad girl down there again?"

"It's been on the news," he said dryly.

"They had funds they couldn't confiscate.  Since he sold drugs, he should pay to help fix that."  He held up the envelope after checking it.  The man gaped.  Xander stared at him.  "I hate drug dealers.  That's why I wouldn't keep going out with him and he became mopey."

"Oh, my."  He came down to take it, looking inside.  He gave him a big eyed look.  "We work with a treatment group."

"Use it to help drug addicts.  Use it to help street kids.  Use it to help promote Brazilian culture and knowledge, but definitely send a lot toward the drug program of your choice that has good results."

"Agreed.  Thank you."

"I didn't want his shit," he said dryly, shaking his hand.  "I'd rather it went to help those he would've hurt."

"Agreed."  He looked in the car.  "She's adorable."

"She's trying really hard," he said with a grin.  "Most of the time she manages it because she's still a toddler."  He laughed and went back inside.  "Thank you."

"Welcome, Mr. Harris."  He watched him drive off.  Then he went inside to call someone.  "That one in the news?"

"The white boy that dated one of our drug dealers?" she snorted.

"And his sister, who was a bomb maker."

She grimaced.  "What about him?"

"There were funds they could not seize that were left to him.  He donated them to drug treatment and to help improve the local's lives."

She smiled.  "Maybe him being that way isn't so bad then, even if it's wrong."

"His daughter is adorable.  She was napping in the car so we talked outside.  He assured me he knew we had peaceful demons around here.  That it wasn't his business."

"Even better."  She took it to look at, wincing.  "That'll make a dent in the next few years worth of treating addicts."

"Which is what he wanted.  He said he hated drug dealers."

"Even better."  They settled in to make plans.

***

Xander's last stop was with Paula, flopping down in front of her and nodding at the other author.  Olivia got set down and she went to talk to the computer screensaver someone was running.  "Not too far," he ordered.  He looked at her.  "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"We were going to go over your stuff tomorrow."

He handed over a list.  "I got named Anya's executor."

"She died?"

"No.  Final step, to get rid of her worldly goods."

"Oh."  She read it over, nodding.  "Some very nice charities."

"Also, the brother/sister duo in Brazil left me their stuff that wasn't seized.  I donated it to a shelter and drug treatment place down in their section of the town here."  She smiled and made that note.  "It was a seventeen million dollar donation from his estate.  Because damned if I wanted it."  He stood up.  "That's all hers and his as far as I know.  And I'll see you Thursday since you said Thursday."  He grabbed Olivia, making her cackle.  "I know, it's time to change you and then get you lunch.  We'll make it home to do that.  It's only twenty minutes."  He took her to the car so they could speed home, hopefully with the way traffic could be.  Then he could change her and they could lounge in the pool for a while.

She smiled.  "That was a very good thing."

"Very.  Does he do a lot of charity work?"

"Some.  Mostly in person at Habitat sites and the like.  Banned books got a donation."  He smiled.  "He was peeved when he heard he was on it."

"I would be too."  He shrugged and they got back to business.

The End.

Chapter 28: Interesting Meetings

Xander actually finds someone interesting who's not all that bad.  Which then upsets every single one of his remaining ex's.  Writer series/Spy Games tv show xover.

Xander and Rick walked into a bar in DC.  "It's not my fault your friend at the CIA has bad taste in boyfriends," Xander complained to his friend and mentor.  "I asked for slightly naughty, not truly evil."

"He's been married for over ten years, his radar's broken," Rick quipped.  "Why are we here?"

"Because your stalker and my new ex wouldn't dream of coming into a pub like this?" Xander guessed.  "It's too normal for them."

"Good point."  He shook his head, smiling at the guy behind the bar.  "Beer?"

"We have a few on tap and some bottles."

"Bud," Rick requested, putting down a few dollars.  "Bottle if possible."

"Sure."  He got it and looked at the other guy.

"Sure, I can have one my one beer a decade," Xander quipped with a grin.  "If only to forget my last set-up.  Molson?"  He put down a five and got change and a bottle.  "Thank you."  He grinned.  "This is a really nice place."

"It is," Rick agreed, looking around.

"Where are you boys from?" the bartender asked.

"New York presently," Xander quipped.  "My publisher wanted me closer."

Rick nodded, taking a sip of his beer.  "So she could do damage control for your dates, Xander."

The guy stared at him.  "You're Alexian Harris."  Xander beamed and nodded.

"And I'm Rick Castle."  He shook his hand with a smile.  "We got talked into a book signing at a local book buying event today.  Our publisher was in looking for new authors."

The bartender grinned.  "I know someone who's writing stuff.  I should tell him to go."

"Is he any good?" Rick asked.  "She's being very picky."  The bartender nodded.  "Then she'll be there tomorrow at eleven for a panel."  He took a sip and looked at Xander.  "Why are you tense?"

"One of my other ex's just walked in," he muttered.  "Fuck me sideways," he sighed.  He took a larger gulp of the beer.  "I may break my own rules and have a second one this decade and I'm *really* sorry if they cause a scene.  I know this isn't a gay bar," he mumbled.

The bartender grinned.  "The boss'll kick his butt if he does.  He can handle drama like no one else."  He went to fill the drink order the new guy was wanting then came back.  "Eleven?"

"She doesn't do mornings any more than Xander does," Rick quipped with a grin.

"I spent years working nightshift on patrol," Xander said dryly.  "Though, construction all day so it was more I never got any sleep."  He took another sip.  He felt the danger buzz start and looked around.  He stared at the younger guy that had just come in.  "Are you actually old enough, kid?" he asked dryly.

The kid pulled a gun.  "Give me all the money in the register!" he shouted.  Someone came in behind him and stared at his back but before he could do anything, Xander had his hand cannon out and pointing at him.  "What the fuck!" the kid complained.

"I'm from near LA.  You're not as mean or as bad as any of the demons I've hunted and killed," he said dryly.  "Grow the fuck up and do something useful for humanity before I knock you out and sell you to a demon brothel in Siberia."  The kid fled.  Xander put his gun back up.  He saw his ex staring in awe.  "You, shoo!"

"But, Xander!" he complained, moving closer.  "I miss you."

"Yeah, but you went off to torture people and I'm not into that," he said dryly.  He took a kiss.  "I might sleep with you sometime in the future, no promises, but it's not going to be until you decide to be a little bit less evil unless you're torturing to protect someone."

"Fine," he muttered, huffing.  He paid the bartender a tip and left.  He spotted the confused looking guy in the doorway and snorted.  "Xander, he's your type and retired."  He stomped off.

Xander shook his head.  "Sorry," he told the guy.  "He's a bit too evil for my usual naughty tastes."  He turned back to look at the bartender, handing him a tip too with a grin.  "Didn't mean to out-macho anyone."

Rick swatted him.  "Lay lower, Xander."

"Yes, mom."

"Thank you.  Paula would have a heart attack if she heard."

"She wanted me to date so I could get my muses back from their crackhead giggling state."  He finished his beer.  "Water?"  The guy got him a bottle and he paid for it.  "Thanks."  The confused guy walked over to the bar and got his usual shot.

"Shank, these guys are authors.  Their publisher's at an event tomorrow looking for new authors," the bartender told him quietly.

"I will have to go," he said in a very pleasing Russian accent.

"She'll be there at eleven," Rick said with a smile.  "Hi, Rick Castle."

"Peter Yurchenko."  He shook his hand.

"Xander Harris, or Alexian Harris on the books," Xander said, shaking his hand with a grin.  "You're writing in what genre?  Rick does true crime and I do fantasy."

"Spy thrillers."

"Wonderful.  Paula's looking for new action books since they sell so well," Rick said.  "I'll introduce you tomorrow if you're there for the panel."

"That would be appreciated.  Thank you."  He looked at Xander.  "How do you know of demon brothels in Siberia?"

"I ran into one of their species in New York.  She wants me to work for her really a whole lot but I keep turning her down.  She doesn't get that I want something fantastic but human, not supernatural.  I think after my last true ex being a former vengeance demon, I want to go back to human.  They're less complicated and cranky."

Rick snickered.  "From what I heard, everyone is less cranky than Anya was when she wasn't satisfied, Xander."

"Well, yeah, but I quit being embarrassed by nearly anything thanks to her complaining in public about not getting more than six orgasms a night."

Peter shook his blond head quickly.  "She sounds...loud."

"She's a nun now," Xander admitted.

"Ah."  He nodded.  "Why?"

"Long story," Xander sighed.  "Let's say it started with her cheating on me and one of her former coworkers granting a wish."  He looked at him.  "She's happy now though.  She said she is.  She forgave me for it too because she said she's really happy."

Peter nodded.  "That is strange."

"She slept with over a thousand people in six months," Rick told him.

"Ah!  So being a nun.... yes, that was quite the punishment."  He drank his shot and put down a dollar.  "Do you golf?"

"No, I've never tried.  Every time I think about sports or picking up a bat for batting practice, people panic for some strange reason."  Rick choked, shaking his head.  "And I'm a nice guy, I don't want to panic anyone.  So I swim in my pool most of the time and go to the gym.  Or chase my niece around.  She's two and a half."

"You babysit often?"

"Actually, her mom's off-realm right now so I have custody until she's back."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "That must be hard."

"She gets on well with me and my cats.  We've already taught her to swim."  He beamed and pulled out a picture.  "That's my niece Olivia."

"Then you are that Xander," Peter said, staring at him.  He got a nod back and Xander put the picture back.  "Only signing in town?"

"One of Rick's contacts at the CIA set me up with someone but they were fully evil instead of mildly naughty.  I can't date anyone evil anymore."  He shrugged.  "It's not good for the muses or my niece.  Or even the cats."

Rick patted him on the back.  "You'll find someone nice sometime soon, kid.  With as many prayers as everyone who knows you sends up each time you go out on a blind date, God will have to send you someone nice sometime soon."  The bartender was giggling.  "Seriously!  Last month he took out the twin, nineteen-year-old female Irish assassins that he accidentally met in a club.  After the first one they come back to see him every few months.  Half the people he picks up are on someone's watch list.  We'd like him to date someone *nice*.  We all pray for someone nice, even those that aren't that religious."

Xander looked over when the door opened, spotting the demon.  "Be peaceful," he called in his language.  He hurried over and gave him a note then left.  "Thanks."  Xander read it and winced.  "Faith just threw a hissy in New York because one of the slaver demons tried to take her hostage.  Thankfully John shot them and grazed her."  He put it into his pocket.  "I'll call her in a bit when she's more calm."  He finished his bottle of water.  "Sorry, Peter, some days my life is like a soap."

"All busy lives are," he admitted.  "Mine was for many years."

Xander grinned.  "You're clearly not a local boy," he teased.

"No, I am not."

"Got any good restaurant recommendations?  Rick and I were told to go away for the night."

"Is a good one up the street."  He smiled.  "I can join you?"

"I'd like that."  They walked out together.

The bartender looked back at his boss, who was staring after them.  "At least he's retired."

"I've heard of the kid's taste.  I emailed Max to warn her just in case."  He shook his head quickly.  "Shank won't break him, probably."

The bartender snickered.  "Probably not," he agreed.  He cleaned the bar and got another patron something to drink.  "I wonder who he got set up with?"

"Truly evil and CIA is a very long list," Lorne Cash said dryly.

***

Xander saw someone being chased through their signing event and sighed.  "People, let me...."  He got them moved with a hand-gesture.  They all knew that one.  He kicked the table in front of the guy running.  The guy tripped over it.  Xander got the book and his pen, finishing his dedicating with a grin and a wink.  Then he looked at the guy, staring at him.

"Why are you endangering all these nice people's lives?" he asked.  The man growled and got up, opening his shirt.  Xander looked at the bomb then nodded and pulled out his hunting knife to stab him.  The guy tried to back up but someone pushed him into it.  Xander stabbed it and it shut down with a hiss, which shocked the guy.  Then Xander backhanded him back to the floor.  "Stupid idiot."  He stared at him, hands on his hips.

"You'd better be thankful my niece isn't here.  Because if you had pulled that near Olivia I would've killed your dumb ass.  There's nothing *any* God could say to get me to stop either!  Not even the ones I've helped defeat."  The guy was inching away from him.  "Do I need to see if someone here has a sword?"  The guy shook his head.  "You sure?  Because you're still awfully wiggly to be giving yourself up to get away from all these nice reading people."

"I'll give up," he begged.  "Please don't treat me like a demon."  He was going to cry soon.

Xander looked at the female that had been chasing him.  "Need help?  I can make him stand up so you can cuff him easier."

"No, I have it," she said, smiling at him.  "Thank you for disarming that."

"I'd never want my fans or anyone else innocent hurt."  He glared at the man.  "Would I?"

"No, sir.  Thank you, Harris.  I'll quit selling arms or give you a discount the next time you need something for an apocalypse."

Xander shrugged.  "Isn't that why I play poker, for weapons?"  The guy groaned but nodded.  "Sure, give the guys I win from a discount."  He smiled.  "The next apocalypse would thank you for it."  He nodded, letting himself be led off.  "You have a nice day, ma'am.  I'm sure he'll be real cooperative now."  He moved the table back and sat down with a smile for the next in line.  She was staring at him.  He shrugged.  "I've dated and been kidnaped by better arms dealers than that one.  He sells shitty things."  She burst out giggling and let him have the book.  "Beyond that, kitten poker, very handy sometimes."  She took their picture together and he finished signing her book so she could move on.

***

Max London walked her begging, sobbing arms dealer into ECHO's headquarters.  "Okay, who was that guy?" she demanded.

"Xander Harris," the idiot arms dealer sobbed.  "I miss him!  I was going to kidnap him next.  He'd be a good husband for someone like me!  I'd even love Olivia like my own."

Lorne Cash looked over.  "You ran into who?"

The arms dealer swallowed, looking at him.  "You know Xander?  Did you date him too?  You might be dangerous enough for him but I have more money."

"Not when we get through with you," Max said with a smile for him.  "Who was he?"

"Very complicated but he's officially semi-retired and an author now," Lorne told her.

"What agency was he with?" she demanded.

"None."  He showed the background he was running.  "He and his buddy Castle showed up at my bar last night."

She read it, then stared at him, mouth slightly open.  He nodded.  "Okay.  That's probably why he stabbed the bomb to make it quit running."  She walked the guy to interrogation.  She came back once he was locked in there.  "Should we watch out for him, in any manner of speaking?" she asked.

"No.  He's here doing author things. He'll only step into something if it's necessary.  I take it he was running?"  She nodded with a grimace.  "He's known as a White Knight, capitalized."

"Yeah, clearly.  He's worse than you are."  She walked off with a sigh.  Now there were two of them in her city.

"I'm not like him.  I have sanity," he called.  "And a house without a pool," he muttered, going back to his background check.  "Huh, he dated Arianna.  I wonder if he'd date her tonight so we could pick her up for deportation."  He sent that note to a friend in the FBI.  He got back a lot of swearing.  "That's really uncalled for," he replied, sending that to him.  The guy demanded to know where Harris was.  He told him.  He said they'd put a detail on him to make sure no one hurt him.  "Okay.  Sure, if you think he needs it."

He kept going, running into a few files locked by Homeland Security.  That was strange for an author and demon hunter.  What he saw made his insides tense.  "Yes, he needs guarded."  He considered it then called his buddy.  "Shank, me.  Harris has 'Sepia' sort of issues and the FBI is going to try to guard him.  No, I thought I should warn you in case the blood hunters show up.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Maybe he's too dangerous for Shank," he decided.

***

Shank hung up the phone and looked at the man next to him at the panel.  "You have guards coming," he hissed.

Xander grimaced.  "Homeland or FBI?"

"FBI."

"Damn it, I haven't really dated.  Who do they want me to catch this time?"

Shank looked at him then shook his head.  "Not due to that.  They heard you were local and worried?"

"Homeland made someone paranoid probably."  He shrugged and shifted, pulling out something to hand to another author.  "Here, my editor," he said when she stared at him.  "I'm reading over your shoulder.  He does do some freelance work and if he can't, he can probably refer you to someone.  He's real reasonable and he's used to me skipping words and using tense shifts all the time."

"Thank you, Mr. Harris."  She tucked it into her folder.  "Is your publisher here?"  He pointed at her.  "Does she do romances?"

"She just set up her own house so I'm not real sure."

"I'll ask her then."  She beamed and turned back around.

Shank smiled at him.  "Editors?"

"I started with one after my first magazine piece.  He makes me sound amazing.  It's like autotune for singers."  Shank snorted, shaking his head.  Xander noticed the agent slipping in and nodded at him, getting a nod back.  Then a really dirty look.  Xander stared at him but he rolled his eyes.  So yeah, he knew what Shank had done when he was younger.  Yay him.  He was retired now.  He looked at the person asking a question that confused everyone.  "Did you want to know how much most up-front payments are or if they're standard?"

"Are they standard?"

"Only if you've got the book done, it's in editing, and even then it's hardly more than ten percent unless they think they can make a movie from it.  If it's more than that, ask why."  She nodded and sat down.

The people on the panel looked at him.  "Who're you?" one asked with a smile.

He grinned back.  "Alexian Harris."

"Oh!"  She blinked, looking down at his publisher.

"He was signing earlier."  She smiled at him.  "He had better behave."

"I'm about to sneak off for lunch after this," he quipped.

"Good boy."  Xander barked.  "Keep it up and I'm feeding you dog biscuits instead of your sales paycheck."  Xander beamed at her.  She shook her head.  "Next question?"

"Do authors have to go on promo tours?" the next in line asked.

"Yes," Rick agreed.  "In some manner or another.  When you're newer, and in the romance or fantasy genre, it's more important than something like my own.  Where Alexian had to go to geek conventions, and begged to go a few times, I had to do magazine spreads and things.  Romance writers have all sorts of signing tours and events to go to."

She beamed.  "Thank you, Mr. Castle."

"Not a problem.  Like Alexian, we like to see young authors get off to a good start.  Or just new ones," he said with a nod at a woman near him who was older than his mother.

"What does sell right now?" another asked.  "I can write sci-fi and fantasy or romance."

"Romance always sells," Paula told her.  "It's like bread and butter for some houses.  Even if it's just the Harlequin level instead of the more steamy ones."  A few giggled.  "Fantasy in established series almost always sells but usually doesn't reach top level sales.  Most romances don't either.  The more action oriented, true crime, or horror sells very well.  Paranormal things sell very well at the moment.  Definitely keep all three genres going, it can only help your sales levels."  The author smiled and nodded, going back to her seat.

"How do really young authors break in fastest?" the next guy wanted to know.

"There's a difference between the really young authors and older authors," Xander told him.  "I know this for a fact because I sold my first one at eighteen.  Very young authors almost never get a full manuscript sold without an agent and it being *excellent*.  If I put out a crap story now, it's looked at differently than a first time one, and younger ones get shot down faster than other new authors.  If you want an *easy*, less stress route for things like fantasy and horror pieces, look for magazine work.  Look for established series like Star Trek and things for science fiction."  The guy nodded.

"Don't expect it to be the first one.  It hardly ever is.  And if it is you won't sell again for at least a year so keep a normal life, write while you're working and all that.  It's usually at least three or four years after your first sale that you can start to think about going to writing as a full time job.  Even me, who puts out eight novels a year or so.  I wrote Tral while working construction all day.  I wrote the second hunter one while working at a hotel's check-in desk."

"So, magazines?"

"Are usually less hard to get something into," Paula agreed with a smile for him.  "For an author it's much better odds and if it's not that month it may fit in at a later time.  I would make sure it's as polished as it could be.  They don't have as much time for editing like you would with a novel.  So have it all edited, polished up, all that before you submit it.  Also, magazine work doesn't pay an excellent pay but it does get your name out there and that's what any first time author really wants, is to be noted.  Because no one will buy an original, not-established story if they don't know who you are or liked some of your other stuff."

"How do you find magazines that accept submissions?"

"There's a book that lists all them," Xander said.  "Most libraries have an older copy if they don't have this year's.  Or you can find one you like and submit to them.  There's a few that do it in each genre.  Romance writers have a lot more than anyone.  Or there's some online as well."

"Thank you."  He sat down to think about that.

The next one stepped up.  Xander looked at Shank, grinning at him.  "Clancy sorts can't really do that," he said quietly.  "There's not many short story places for them."  He nodded at that.

The panel ended and the kids all left.  Xander looked at Paula.  "Paula, this is Peter Yurchenko."

"Pleasure to meet you," she said.  "Are you an author?"

"I am."  He smiled.  "Or trying to be one."  He handed her the chapters he had selected.

She glanced through them.  It was making her tingly.  She smiled at him. "I'll read these tonight while my dogs go play."  Rick snorted, shaking his head as he walked off.  "Agent Philips?"  He looked over.  "Problems?"

"Heard Harris was in town.  Since we know there's others who might like him, I'm a bit paranoid."  He glared at Shank.

Xander looked at him then at Shank.  "You're retired?"  Shank nodded.  He looked at his Homeland agent again.   "Is he the sort that I'd have to worry about kidnaping me overseas?"  He shook his head.  Shank was shaking his more quickly.  "Then you won't throw a hissy if we have dinner?"

"With the caveat that he protect you while you're out.  I have to go capture one of your other ex's."

"Which one?  I ran into Arianna last night in my hotel room and wore her out then turned her in."

He sighed but nodded.  "Her little brother, Artris' youngest son, and Miss Pelegrew are all in town."

"Eww."  He grimaced.  "My blood's admiration society.  Have fun with that."  He looked at Shank.  "You can clap when I have to hurt one?"

"I can do that as well."  He smirked.  "You knew...."

"The way you stand and one of my one-night dancing with studs in New York was Petrie Marsh."  Shank shuddered.  "He kept saying that I needed to look at other agents when I wouldn't let him suck me."  He shrugged.  "And I like your accent," he finished with a grin.

"Is a nice one," he agreed.  "I will help him protect himself."

"Thank you," Agent Philips muttered, walking off shaking his head.

Shank smiled at Rick.  "Coming to lunch with us?"

"No, I'm going to go upstairs and finish the last novel of who might've killed him.  Paula wants it soon."

Xander looked at him then at Shank.  "I've read through book six and I still don't know who killed me."  Shank snorted, walking him off to a nice, quiet, safe place for lunch.  They talked about books and weapons, which was about all of Xander's life anymore.  That and Olivia.

***

Lorne walked up to the duo later that night.  "Mr. Harris?"  Xander smiled at him.  "That arms dealer ...  He created a tiny problem we might need you to look at."

"Why?  Sit.  You look awkward."  He sat down.  "What sort of problem?"

"Apparently his step-son hacks and got into your Homeland file."

Xander sipped his water.  "The blood work, the 'I helped end the initiative' files, or the sealed one that I was told says I'm mean, evil, and liable to fuck the evil out of someone?"

"That last one definitely.  It's why he wanted you.  That and he heard that Sophra had taken you but hadn't been able to keep you.  Apparently they're in competition and if he wins you, he'll prove himself better."

Xander snorted.  "She didn't like it when I freed everyone she had," he said dryly.  "Beyond that, the other two are fairly well known about slightly.  That they exist, the Initiative stuff was found out about after the invasion.  I only worry if the medical records got unsealed."

Lorne smiled.  "No, that's sealed so tightly not even other governmental hackers can get into.  I asked one earlier to make sure.  With their knowledge."  He stared at him.  "Also, as a friend, I should point out I'm more dangerous than you and if you hurt my friend I'll kill you."

Xander beamed.  "That's cool.  Thank you. I'm not that sort but it's nice to hear the shovel talk."

"I have many more weapons at my disposal than a shovel."  He smirked and got up, walking off.

Xander grinned at his date.  "It's nice when you have friends.  Most of mine wouldn't give the shovel talk to anyone."  He ate another bite.

Shank looked at him.  "You have three?"

"Actually I have six.  There's a few ones that're sealed after incidents.  Things like the reason Sunnydale got shut down.  A battle in New York.  One of my dates."  He shrugged.  "She was kinda...pathetic.  Bad in bed.  Little temper problem.  The last I heard, she was happy with her pet adoption family."

"Pet?"

"Yeah, we had an argument near Willow Rosenburg and Willow turned her into a basset hound.  Said she had big ears anyway."  He shrugged a tiny bit and grinned.  "Willow hated who I dated."

"Is she...."

"Olivia's her daughter," he said quietly.

"Ah!  From the LA team."  He smiled.  "Then I will not worry about suddenly having floppy ears and a tail."

"She might make you a lap puppy," he teased.  "Think you could bark with the accent?"  Shank choked but it was because he was laughing.  Xander grinned.  "So, do you like cats?"

"I have not had any."

"I have four.  Well, I have one and three are Tara's but when her last girlfriend showed up as allergic I got hers.  She's got the puppy though."

Shank smiled.  "You live a very strange life."

"No, actually I'm living kind of a boring life.  All I do all day is write, take care of Olivia, and swim in the pool.  Some days I go to the gym or interviews.  Then she goes to daycare to terrorize their books."  He ate a bite of dinner.  "This is really good.  I'll have to remember this place."  Shank smiled and tipped his head slightly.  "And the company."   That got a bigger smile.  They went back to more mundane talks.  Shank explained golf to him.  He even made it sound calming and fun.

***

They were walking back to the hotel, it was only three blocks and a pretty night.  "I'm not one to fall into bed after the first date usually.  I'm much too cute for that and the anticipation makes the evil ones want me more after the second one."  He grinned at his date, who was blushing.  "But I think that you're not that sort of guy."

"No, not evil."

"That's a nice and great change in my life."  He smiled as he leaned closer.  "I'm going to duck to the left to get around the bum up ahead and let the reporter trying to follow us trip over him," he hissed, getting a nod.  They did that and she did trip over him, which woke him up and he tried to tell her about his view that God was coming, like the sign he was sleeping on said.  They walked around the corner and Xander paused, looking around.  "Not tonight," he complained.  He stared in one direction.  "Major magic going on.  Clearly not happy magic either."  He grimaced.  "And me without an energy weapon.  Fuck."  He started to walk off.

Shank stopped him.  "This city is full of agents.  Some of which do understand magic."  He stared at him.  "They would be most upset and you would spoil dinner by being interrogated.  They would turn stomachs."

Xander relaxed and smiled.  "You're sure someone can handle it?  It feels like a summoning."

"Fairly so.  Call your friend in Homeland."

"I don't have his number.  He just shows up to scowl and arrest some of my dates on me."

"That is because you need better taste in who drools on you," Shank teased.

Xander blushed, grinning at him.  "No drooling.  I might slip on the puddle of bad girl drool."

Shank laughed.  "I have never been a bad girl."  He called someone.  "I am at Hyatt.  Someone near here is doing a lot of bad magic according to my dinner companion."

"East by about six blocks," Xander said with a point.

"Toward that small dog park.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "There, they will handle it for us.  So we can talk about drool."

Xander grinned.  "I usually try really hard to swallow all my drool when I give head," he said shyly.  That got a shiver.  They hurried back to his room and it was nice.  Very nice.  Not very loud but very nice.

***

Lorne hung up.  "Why would I know what to do about bad magic?" he complained as he called someone else.  "Someone with Yurchenko said that bad magic is going on in the dog park near the Hyatt."  He hung up.  He got an idea and called someone.  "Rick Castle's room please?"  He waited.  "Mr. Castle, Lorne Cash, ECHO....  Bad magic....  Energy weapon?  Sure.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Now I know."  He emailed that to who he had called.  That would help them.  He hoped.  He didn't want to see a magical thing taking over DC.  The politicians might be less scum sucking than normal.  Or do good for the world.  It might even be an apocalypse.  Which would ruin Shank's date.

***

Agent Philips showed up at breakfast the next morning, staring at Harris.  "How did it escape your notice that there was a fifteen foot zombie dog?"

Xander blinked a few times.  "There was?"  The agent nodded.  "Sorry, I was busy."

"Busy?" he snorted.

Xander smiled.  "Busy."

"Oh."  He nodded once.  "He was KGB."

"Okay?  And?"  He shrugged. "Is he wanted for anything?"

"No."

"Is he presently evil?"

"No."

"Then he's beyond the best person I've dated since high school."  He beamed.  "Thank you for telling me that."

"You're welcome."  He walked off shaking his head.

Xander sipped some of his soda, shaking his head.  "He complains because I finally show taste in who I flirt with.  That's insane."

Shank sat down with his breakfast from the buffet.  "Sometimes agents can be that way."

Xander kissed him.  "I don't care what you used to do.  I'm sure we're both mostly retired except for emergencies."  Shank nodded.   "Then you still have a really cute accent."  He grinned and dug in again.

Shank smiled.  The boy was very sweet.  And good in bed.

One of the hotel staff walked over.  "Mr. Harris?"

He looked at her.  "If someone complained because I kissed him, I'm getting on my knees to give him a blowjob right here and now."

She winced.  "Please don't.  I'll calm her down, sir."

"Thank you."  He smiled and waved.  "He's fantastic and he's better than anyone I've ever dated."  The mother huffed and turned around.  "Nosy."  He looked at the staff member, smiling at her.  "Thank you for warning me that there's uptight people who need Anya's cure."  She giggled as she walked off.

"Anya's cure?" Shank asked.

"She was a big fan of things that ran on batteries to vibrate."

"Ah!"  He nodded.  "Please do not do that threatened thing," he said quietly.  "Would embarrass me."

Xander grinned.  "Me too but it's a good way to get her off our back."

"True."  He buttered a croissant and nibbled.  "You should eat."  Xander blushed but did eat.  "Your publisher wanted to talk to me at ten."

Xander looked at his watch.  "She's up now."  He looked around then texted her.  She came off the elevator a few minutes later.  "Morning, Paula."

"Good morning, Xander, Mr. Yurchenko."  She sat down and got some coffee.  She smiled at him.  "Your chapters were a very good read.  I'd be interested in reading the rest of it."

He smiled.  "I can email it to you later?"

"Yes you can."  She shook his hand.  "If so, can you come to New York next week?"

"I can, yes."

"He can have a guest room," Xander quipped.  "The Winchesters are all back on the road so it's just me and Olivia with the cats."

Paula stared at him then at her newest author.  "His cats treat him like he's their slave and Olivia is usually adorable but a good child."  She smiled.  "She comes in to pet one of my people's fish screensavers."

He smiled.  "She sounds like it."

"Good."  She shook his hand and took her coffee up to the buffet.  By the time she turned around they were both gone.  "Boys," she huffed.  Rick came down and they settled in to eat.   "Your newest book?"

"I've narrowed down the killer to two."

"How many more pages?"  She nibbled on some eggs.

"Probably about sixty.  Including the funeral."

"When will you know?"

"Within ten more."  He smiled, digging into his own breakfast.  "Where's Xander?"

"He and my probable new author are off....doing dangerous boy things probably."

Rick stared at her.  "Good."  He smiled and dug in.  "He needs someone nice."

"He deserves it after all those disasters."

***

Xander looked around the golf course.  "So I'm guessing you've traveled a lot?"

Shank looked at him.  "Yes, extensively."

"I've been to a few events here in the US, twice in Canada, and two signing trips around here and there.  I love to travel though."  He grinned.  "I never get enough time to see things but I do like to travel."

Shank smiled.  "Been to Moscow?"

"No.  I was in Europe but the closest we got was Berlin.  Then Italy."

Shank smiled.  "Italy is very pretty."  He took his shot and Xander walked over.  "Do as I showed you," he said, hovering behind him.

"It seems wrong not to hit it as hard as you can," Xander teased.  He did what Shank had taught him and it went pretty far.  "Whoo-hoo!  Even mostly straight."

"Yes, but into the sand, which is tricky."

Xander grinned at him.  "Sand's fun to play in sometimes.  I didn't do more than lounge on the beach in Rio when I went for a book convention.  Well, and picked up an explosives expert and then a dominatrix who was a samba dancer.  She worked on my rhythm issues."

Shank looked at him.  "Explosives expert?"

Xander huffed.  "First her brother hit on me back when I was living in LA.  He got so mopey after I found out he sold drugs so I dumped him that his sister swatted me for making him mope for *six years*."

"After two dates?  What did you do to him?" Shank teased, letting Xander grab the bag so they could walk off together.

"Not a thing.  He wasn't really my type but I was *really* bored and needed out of the house, and away from my muses, so I let him take me to dinner.  Until the second one when he talked about his business."  Shank shook his head.  "Then I paid for the dinner and told him I didn't date drug dealers.  I went home and sulked to the laptop.  He got written into a story as a bad guy.  Then when I go to Rio, I end up picking up his sister."

"Her choice?"

"No, the agent in Homeland that likes me so much asked her.  She didn't know and I didn't realize it until I saw his picture in her wallet the day she got arrested.  She tried to swat me when I mentioned her brother.  So, and this is really weird but just *so* my luck sometimes, she gets out of jail somehow.  He has her put a bomb on his car, remakes his will, has her remake her will, and then they blow themselves up in his car.  Leaving me their stuff!"  Shank had to stop to laugh.

"Seriously!" Xander said, looking at him.  "Olivia and I had to go to the Brazilian embassy in New York.  He didn't really understand why anyone would want me, because I'm one of those artistic types that doesn't do *classical* art.  We get everything of his handed over, and then the lawyer shows up a few weeks later with a huge ass check.  Seventeen mil.  I took it to the Brazilian section of the city and handed it to a shelter for their drug treatment programs."

Shank quit laughing and hugged him.  "You are insane."

"The muses did it to me," he quipped with a grin.  "It's where they don't let me sleep sometimes."  They went back to walking to their balls.  "It's still nicer now that the curse on my ex's is over with."

"Curse?"

He groaned.  "Willow while pregnant.  It made a bunch of my ex's commit suicide and leave me their stuff."  Shank gave him an odd look.  "Didn't see that in the background check?"

"I did not do one."

"Huh.  One of my contacts told me that someone did.  Maybe it was your shovel-carrying friend?"

"Could be Cash.  He has a very good danger mental siren."  He smiled.  "So you can pay for your own clubs?"

Xander grinned.  "I can probably do that if you can teach me how to get the ball out of the kiddy sandbox without explosives."

"Explosives are cheating," Shank teased with a smile.  "Though I have been tempted."  He taught him how to sand wedge and it was nicer.  He got his own and they moved to the next hole once Xander had sank his last putt.  They kept talking about the places Shank had visited.  Which was quite a lot but Xander did indeed inhale the stories.  "Where was the weirdest place you visited?" he asked finally.

"The alternate me that Willow sent me to during a magical crackhead fit."  Shank paused his swing to look at him.  He shrugged slightly and shifted.  "She's been struggling with her magic addiction for years now.  She kidnaped Tara to get her back and I went to rescue Tara.  So she sent me to the DCIS world.  Thankfully they thought it was neat if I wrote it.  The me there was a bit more burnt out on battles and things."

Shank hadn't read those books.  Maybe he'd have to pick one up.  Even though fantasy wasn't his usual thing.  "Do you do that often?"

"No."  Xander grinned.  "Take your shot.  There's grumpy people behind us."

He looked then at him.  "They are also retired."

Xander smiled and waved.  "I'll quit distracting him for a few minutes."  They smiled and waved back.  They took their shots and moved on.  "I did get to go there after I had met General O'Neill."  Shank gave him a sideways look.  "I moved into a cabin next door to him.  I was... pissed at Buffy and Willow.  I was so pissed off I was chopping wood with a broken rib.  Which he stopped me from doing and got me treated."  He shrugged.  "The leftover weenies from the Initiative mess had me move to Upper Michigan instead. Apparently it panicked some people.  Though, Thor was kinda nice."

"The alien one?" he asked, looking confused.  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Why did you meet him?"

"He made me talk about why I was so pissed at Buffy and Willow."  He took his shot and handed Shank the club so he could use it.  Someone came rushing at them.  Xander shot them in the thigh.  "Did you need something?" he asked.

"You're mean!" the man shouted.

Xander stared at him.  "Really?"  He smirked.  "I know some very nice demons who'd make you a tentacle toy.  I'm sure they'll be nicer than I am."

"No," he whimpered, moving back.

Shank looked at him.  "You are distracting my shot."   Xander stepped on his chest, which made him hiss but stay quiet.  "Thank you."  He took his shot then walked over, club still in hand.  "Why did you rush us?"

"He's going to make the demons not take over.  I'll never get my deal," he panted, staring at Shank.  "Save me?" he begged.

"I am not the one you want to ask that to," he said dryly.  "I would hate to see demons win the world and then become tentacle toy myself."

"I'd protect you," Xander said with a smirk for him.  "Because half of them don't want to screw with me."  He glared at him.

"Old chap," an older British guy said.  "You're not suppose to bring guns."

"Oops, didn't know that," Xander admitted.  "Next time I'll use the crossbow."  He smiled.

He stared at him.  "Who are you, lad?"

"Xander Harris."

"Oh, dear."  He shook his hand.  "I've heard many swearing about you."

"Yeah but I told Travers to blow me again recently."  He shrugged.  "So anyway," he said, glaring at the person.  "Call your master.  Maybe he'll save you."  The demon appeared and bowed to Xander before disappearing with his toy, who was screaming as they disappeared.  "Huh.  He's not even really high up in the ranks.  He made a sucktastic deal with a lower demon."  He walked off.  "Shank, do I have to do something special if my ball went really near the water?  Because if so, we need to go save it before the wind gets it."

"You can wedge it from there but if it goes in you can reset it and count a stroke."

"So, blow it in," he mused.

"That, again, is cheating," he said with a smile.  They walked off to get save the ball from the water feature.  The other spies looked at each other.  Shank smirked back at him.  "He is fantasy author."

"All the evil guys think I'm a fantasy," Xander teased him with an evil smirk.  "I thought you were a good boy."

Shank smirked back.  "I am.  You are cute but fantasy men are overly slippery and hard to catch.  That is why they keep at the fantasy level."  He took his own shot and ducked a wild shot someone shot at them.  "I need that hair," he called.

"Sorry, fore!" a male voice yelled.

"They're jealous that yours is prettier," Xander said.  Someone rushed at them but it was yelling in Russian.  "Want my crossbow?" he asked.

"No."  He knocked him out then into the lake.  "He can play with fishes."  He walked Xander off.  "I have no idea who that was."

Xander snapped a picture of his face and sent it to someone.  "Hmm.  Yurgi McIntosh?"

"Who are you asking?"

"The kitten poker circuit."  He grinned.  "They're very good friends to have."  He asked a question and handed it over.  "Trainee."

"Ah.  It's that time of year."  He handed the phone back with a head shake.  "Is trainee time," he called.

"Thanks for the warning.  Take one back," a voice called.  "Fore."

Shank looked at who was shooting and moved them both to the right.  "He cuts to the left badly."

"So do I."

"You can learn better.  He's pathetic," Shank assured him.  They finished that hole, went to the bar to get some water, and then kept going once the other retired spies golfing buddies moved on.  He told Xander about the pretty parts of Russia.  Xander looked entranced and happy.  It was nice.

***

A few days after Xander and Rick had went back to New York, Shank went back to Lorne's bar, the Alibi.  The bartender handed him an envelope.  "What is this?"

"From New York."  He grinned.

He looked at the address then opened it.  It was a single thick sheet of paper.  He smiled at the news.

//You warped me so I want to go golfing.  I joined a club, though there's a third hole here that's impossible to get anywhere *near* the par.  I think it'll take me learning geometry.  Olivia said hi, she just learned that word today.  She's walking around telling all the cats she can catch hi.  She thinks golf balls are cool toys too.  I bought her a baby set and she's enjoying waving the clubs at the cats too.

Paula said to call her this week to set up an appointment.  You gave her wet panties but I'm not jealous or anything. <G>  I gave her a new book in a series I hadn't written in before.  She moaned in public and nearly got us kicked out of the hotel's restaurant.  She had been moaning over yours before I got there.  So apparently you're a slippery fantasy boy for her.

Rick said hi and to be safe.  Also to watch the demons on the Potomac.  There's recently been some mean little cannibal ones moving in and they seem to like tougher people to eat.  By the way, silver works on them or I can ask someone to come that way.

Let me know if you need a room when you come up.  I have four of them and mine.  Have a good day and make par all this week.

Xander.//

Lorne, who was reading over his shoulder, smiled.  "Olivia sounds adorable."

"She's two and a half."

"Awww."  He smiled.  He walked off.   "There's a hunter in town.  I saw one of the Winchesters."

"That's good to know."  He tucked the envelope into his pocket.  "Why send it here?"

Lorne looked at him.  "He didn't want to pry and ask your address?" he guessed.

"He didn't ask," he realized.

"He's trying to let you be mysterious and a bit paranoid," the bartender said.  "It's the sort he is."  He went back to washing glasses.  "The IRS auditor earlier cracked that glass when he slung it at his ex-wife."

"I'll send him a bill or if he comes in tonight, charge him for it," Lorne called from his table.

Shank shook his head.  He looked at Lorne.  "He said someone had done a background check on him."  Lorne tossed him the disk carrier.  "Thank you."  He left to run it at home.  It gave many things that were...interesting.  Including the time he had been on his roadtrip.  He had much better rhythm now.

***

Two girls stomped up to Detective Beckett's minions.  She was in court so they were doing paperwork.  "You have to stop them," one demanded.

Detective Kevin Ryan looked at her.  "Who's doing what that we have to stop?"

"You have to stop Xander!  He's dating someone....KGB!" the other whined as she flailed a hand in the air.  "He's retired and he *golfs* and he's got an *accent*," she sneered.  "He can't have our Xander!  We'll take him out if you don't stop him!"

"So, you're complaining that Xander's found someone who's dangerous enough for him but decent," Detective Esposito asked.  They pouted but nodded.  "Why would we stop that?  Do you know how many times we've prayed that he finds someone like that?"

"But he's ours!" the first whined.

"Apparently not," Ryan said with a smile.  "If he's happy I'm not going to say a *word* unless he's evil."

"Then we'll just have to take him out," the second decided.  "Pity."  They started to walk off but the detectives cuffed them and walked them to interrogation to hear more about this guy.  That way they could warn him that Xander's other fanclub had heard.

***

Agent Philips walked into the Alibi, staring at the bartender.  "Your boss here?"

"His other job."  He grinned at the guy who was obviously an agent by his bad suit.  "Problems?"

"Just a head's up.  A few of Xander's more ardent...wanting society has decided that your boss's friend is in their way."

"Sure.  I'll let him know.  Are they going to try to kidnap him or kill him?"

"NYPD has arrested three so far.  Two came up to get the detectives the boy works with on his drool society when they need arrested.  They got another one when they went to talk to her.  She agreed it was a good idea and was looking for active prices on his head.  They didn't arrest her until she broke into Xander's house and he hung her off the railing around his patio.  Apparently she made Olivia flinch."  He put his hands in his pockets.  "We keep track of about thirty people because of his drool society. While I can't tell him directly due to his past life, I can tell your boss if he wants the list."

"I'll have him or one of the people he works with a lot ask.  You're...."

"Philips, Homeland."  He smirked.  "Thank you for warning him."  He left, going back to his office.

The bartender looked around.  They were open but dead.  He called his boss.  "Lorne, I just had a really weird visit.  Agent Philips from Homeland wanted to know if you wanted the list of the drool society that wanted Harris because apparently they've decided Shank has to go.  They've arrested three of them up there.  He said that they track about thirty overall.  Yeah, not a joke.

"He said he can't warn him due to his past life, but if you asked, you could have it.  No clue if the kid knows.  He didn't say that.  Though he did say that they had arrested one after they broke into Harris' house.  He apparently hung her off the railing around his patio because she had scared his niece.  I told him I'd tell you and someone you worked with would get it if you couldn't.  Yeah, have a safe case, boss."  He hung up.  Then he went to take some tylenol.  He didn't know anyone as bad as Harris was.  He hoped he never turned that way.

***

Xander looked up from his nibbling before going grocery shopping ritual, spotting an ex.  "Oh, not now," he muttered.  That one stomped over.  "I have to pick up Olivia in two hours," he said firmly.  "I have to grocery shop before then."

"I can help you grocery shop," he offered, sitting across from him.

Xander stared at him.  "I'm kinda seeing someone."  He smirked at the scowl.  "He's nice."

"You can do better," he snorted.

"He's sane, unlike some of mine."  He ate a bite.

"True, but you can still do better."

"Than someone who made me moan in multiple keys?"

"You never let me try."

"That's because you kept trying to kidnap my tired butt."  He stared him down.  "Aren't you not supposed to be in the US?"

"Well, yes," he admitted.  "But I made the special trip to come see you, Xander."  He smiled.  Until someone grabbed him by the back of the neck.  "Hey!  Not yours!  Unhand me!"

The woman smirked.  "FBI, bright boy.  Mr. Harris, who is this?"  Xander stuffed his mouth.  She patted him down, finding his ID case.  She looked then smirked at him.  "You'll get me a promotion if I bring you in dead or alive."  She walked him off.  She didn't realize that Xander was texting Beckett's phone about her.  He knew her.  She wasn't *really* an FBI agent anymore.  She had gotten fired for stealing things - like blonde, teenage girls for their trips to Hong Kong for slave sales.

He heard sirens and looked.  "Go NYPD," he said happily.  He went back to his lunch, wondering why some scary people wanted in his panties.  He hadn't even flirted with her.  So how did she hear about him?

"You're a widely talked about possible mate in the underworld," a male voice with a familiar accent said.

Xander looked at him.  "You're not Peter."

"No, I'm not."  He smirked.  "Is he in town?"

"Ask him yourself."

"Now, now, Xander.  Don't be so testy.  There's many who would gladly take you in as their true mate."

"And I'm seeing someone.  So no.  Thank you anyway."

"Hmm, but I think I have a better offer than all of them.  I'll even let you bring Olivia.  She can be waiting on us by the time we get to the airport."  He flinched when the gun appeared in his throat.  "Xander, dearest," he said patiently.

"Someone get me an officer.  He just said he kidnaped my niece from daycare," he announced.  Multiple people called.  One of the waitresses went to get one of the ones from the car stopping.  He came in and stared.  "Where is she?" he asked.

"I'll tell you if you come home with me and make me deliriously happy," the man said with a smile.

"Um...."  The officer looked at him.  "Mr. Harris?"  Xander smirked and nodded.  "Did he kidnap Tara or Faith?"

"Worse.  Olivia."

"Oh, shit," the officer said, backing up a step.  He called for backup.  "We'll find her.  I promise we will."

"Of course you will," the man said with a laugh.  "She'll be meeting us at the airport."

Xander stared at him then put up the gun and pulled out a knife.  That made the guy flinch and try to get away.  Xander with a gun was bad, Xander with a knife was dangerous.  That was not the emotion he wanted to stir in Xander's soul.  "Oh, no, we're going to talk.  Let's go to the bathroom.  It's easily cleaned."  He got up and hauled him in there.  A minute later the patrons heard a cackle then a scream.  Five minutes later the man came out crawling and crying.  "Where is my niece?" he asked coldly.

"She's waiting for us at the International private terminal at La Guardia," he sobbed on the officer.  "I'm very sorry."

Xander sneered at him.  "You'd better hope they decide to arrest and deport you.  Today."

"I'll fly out immediately.  I have diplomatic immunity," he told the officer.

"I don't give a fuck what you have," another officer said as he walked in.  "You're not going home ever."

Xander looked at him.  "The last time I knew you were CIA, not NYPD.  Get out of the fucking uniform."

"If you want," he said with a smirk.  Xander cleaned the blade off on his pantsleg.  "Oh, dear.  You're pissed off, honey."

"I never dated your ass. You're evil and stupid."  He stared him down.  "I'm tired of this and if I have to go find the rest of you, so be it."

"No, we'll be good," that one said happily.  He started to back out.  He paused when he heard metal cuffs open.  "Oh, come on!"

"Shut up," Beckett ordered.  "Or I'm calling your boss's mistress to let her tell him."

"She's a succuba," Xander offered.  He pointed.  "Can I finish having him?"

"We have Olivia," she assured him.  "Someone there recognized her from your interviews.  They got her before we knew and had called it in.  Can you calm down?"

"Hell.  No!" he said firmly.  "Clearly I needed better taste before."  He glared at them.  They all slumped.  "And if there's another one I'm going to kill *everyone* involved."

"Yes, dear," they said.

"Then ask for that curse to come the fuck back."

"Um...." Beckett said.  "Why did they decide to mass?"

"Apparently they want to capture me for their wife before I get happy."

"Sure," she agreed.  "Can you calm down?"

"No!" he said, shaking his head.  "I'm going to have a fit."

"Sure," she decided, walking them out.  She made a call.  Ten minutes later she had Olivia.  She walked in and handed her over.  "They gave her some benadryl to help her nap.  She's been very good for the officer."

Xander looked at her.  "You didn't have that outfit before."  She cooed and petted him.  He cuddled her.  "You're a good girl, Olivia.  If people like this come for you I'll kill them all too."  He sat down and let her help him finish his lunch.

Once things were cleaned up Beckett sat across from him.  "I called Philips.  He warned your new friend."  Xander stared at her.  "He's warned and he can handle it."

"I hope so.  I don't want people attacked because of me," he said quietly.

"He won't be, Xander.  Remember, DC has a lot of agents who'd be more than happy to pounce the sort that want you for their fun and games."  He nodded, leaning back to cuddle the sleepy baby.  "Just relax and let the anger go," she said calmly.  He nodded.  "We've arrested another two today for buying weapons since their ID's stated they were foreign.  All the smart ones are watching for their chance, not doing things like this.  Worry about them, okay?"  He nodded.  "Good boy.  Let's go back to the office."

"I have to grocery shop."

"I'm sure we can do that."  She walked him out.  Olivia went into the carseat the officer had found with her.  "Is that hers?"

"No.  It's too small for her.  Hers is in my car."  She went to get it.  He buckled her in and got into the car.  "I'm sorry if they're scared of me now," he said quietly.

"Any one of the people in there would've killed over their kids," she assured him.  "How much of a mess did you make of him?"

"Two small, tiny cuts."  He smiled.  "It's psychological."

"Good."  She drove them back to the station.  Xander carried Olivia up to the squad room.

She looked at all the bad boys and girls and scowled.  "Bad yous!" she shouted.  "Sit in corner!"  She pointed.

Detective Esposito smiled and nodded.  "That's right, they're bad and they need to sit in the corner," he agreed, taking her to hug.  "You're all right and that's all that matters."

"Anyone who hurts her, I'm going to kill," Xander snarled.  He stared at all of them.  "Am I clear?"  They nodded quickly and backed away.  "The one that I cut...  I'll do more than cause psychological damage."

"Sure," one squeaked.  They all backed against a wall.  "We'd never hurt Olivia, Xander.  We'd love to be her stepparent with you."

Xander growled.  His eyes flashed a bit.  The group screamed and tried to run.  "I'll be damned," he snarled.  "My niece.  My pack.  You're not worthy of my pack."  They nodded, shrinking down when they couldn't escape.

Beckett handed Olivia back and walked him into the break room.   She shut them in and let Xander calm down by cuddling her.

Olivia came out twenty minutes later scowling.  "Nasty like diaper," she told one.  "Mean bitch."

"No swearing," Xander called.  "Come back, Olivia."

"Bad them."

"Yup, bad them," Ryan said, giving her a cuddle.  "But you're a good girl, Olivia."  She beamed at him and kissed him on the cheek.  "Go cuddle Uncle Xander."  She ran back in there.  "Half of New York will kill you over that little girl," he reminded them.  "And then clap when Xander mutilates your corpse."

"Any others that want to do something similar here or DC, I'd warn them," Beckett said.  "Xander's reached his point of wanting artillery for people.  Since we can't stop him from protecting his niece....."

"Sure, we'll warn them," one said, grabbing a desk phone to call someone.  "Xander found out.  Pieter tried to capture Olivia.  Xander went hyena," she hissed.  "She scolded us and he's not even attempting to calm down.  He's going to kill us!"

Beckett took the phone.  "This is Detective Beckett.  If there's any others who like this sort of plan, I'd stop them before Xander does.  We've had all sorts of agents having panic attacks if he gets given some artillery today.  Am I clear?"  She smirked.  "Yes, here or DC.  I'm well aware of that.  I don't rightly give a damn.  If they try something, expect to have a funeral."

D'Hoffryn showed up in all his horned, demonic glory.  "Harris, please don't wish that curse back into being.  We'll take them out for you to save Olivia if you just calm down."  He glared at them.

"You're only demonic, Xander's scary," one of the females complained.

"I'm the head vengeance demon," he sneered.  "I'm trying very hard to keep my people from him right now.  Every single demon who is on this plane wants Olivia to be all right.  Because we're certain that Rosenburg's magic addiction will happen and she'll destroy the planet for real this time."   A few nodded.  "And if not, Harris will."

"I'd need something bigger than artillery for that," Xander called.  "Of course, it's in the warehouse in the office.  It's even something that came from O'Neill's project."

"We'll never touch Xander or Olivia again," the biggest name in the group said firmly.  "We're not worthy of him.  We're clearly not worthy of him or Olivia being our stepdaughter."

Beckett smirked and hung up.  "You're right, you're not."  She went back to her desk.  "Let's get you all booked.  That way Xander can finish calming down."  They hurried to free detectives so they could make it to safety.

"Sit in corner!" Olivia called again.

"They're going to cells, dear.  That's harder than sitting in the corner," Beckett called.  "We'll show you later."

One of the officers came in to get Olivia, taking her to holding.  She pointed.  "That's where adults sit in the corner," she told her, smiling at the baby.  "That's where they go when they're grounded too."

"Ooh," Olivia said, staring at her.  "Bad?"

"Yes, that's for bad big people.  Little kids get to sit in corners.  Big people sit in there."

She smiled and kissed her on the cheek.  "Good you."

"I try very hard," she said, taking her back to Xander.  Xander cuddled her.  "She knows the bad big people sit in the corner in their cells."  He grinned at her. "She's very smart.  We want to make sure she never goes evil."  She winked and walked away.

Beckett looked at her.  "Who're you?" she asked.  "I don't recognize you as one of our officers."

"I just transferred in."

"We can check," Esposito said, calling downstairs to do that.  "No, she's not."

"Sure," Beckett said.  "Xander, do you know her?"

"She's one of the girls that Gunn used to date," he called.  "She's not evil."

"No, we just watch over Olivia.  I really did just transfer out here."  The commander came up and stared at her.  "Sir."

"Lafayette.  She did just transfer in from LA," he noted.

Beckett smiled.  "We had to be cautious."

"I agree.  Olivia will cause him to lose his temper."

"Too late," Xander called.  Someone moaned.  Beckett nodded.

The commander nodded once.  "Should we expect more arrests?"

"Only if they don't realize he's going to kill them," Ryan quipped.

"Good."  He walked her off, asking what had happened.  She told him and he shuddered.

***

Xander walked Olivia into the apartment, finding people in there.  "Did you get into the warehouse too?"

"No, we climbed up the fire escape," Lorne said.  "She looks tired."

"She got taken.  I've just destroyed a whole lot of hopes."  He put her down.  "Guys, this is Olivia."

She smiled and waved.  "Hi!"  She walked over to Peter, holding onto his pants.  "Puppy?"

"Peter," he said, pointing at himself.  "I'm Peter."

"Puppy?" she asked with a grin.

"No, Peter."

"Grandpa?" she asked.

Xander looked confused.  "Who's Grandpa?"  He got a picture and held it out.  "Where's Grandpa, Olivia?"  She patted one with a happy grin.  "Aww, it's nice that John adopted you like that.  Can you say Peter?"

"Puppy!" she said happily, beaming at him.

"Would that make him a kitty?" he asked with a point.

She cackled and patted him on the leg.  "Sit?"

He sat down, letting her climb into his lap.  "What are you doing?"  She stared at him.  Then she pouted.  Xander handed him a book.  "Ah!  You like to be read to.  That makes sense with your uncle's job."  He read the book to her, getting cuddled.  "I am not used to children."

Xander smiled.  "She's an easy care child."  He went to check on things.  "Kitchen might have something but I doubt it.  I was going to go grocery shopping before I had to deal with some people who wanted to adopt both of us."

Lorne snorted.  "I heard."

"Did you talk to Beckett?  She just arrested thirteen of them."  He went upstairs.  "Damn it!" he called.  He slammed open a door and tossed the cat in there.  She climbed up onto the bed looking smug.  "Just because I closed Dean's room's door doesn't mean you have to pee on the bed."  He came down the stairs.  "Let me order a new mattress."  He walked into the office to order one.  Then he came out.  "We have about three hours and need to grocery shop," he said quietly.  "Do you want to help with either of those?" he offered.

"We can shop," Peter decided.  She poked him so he looked at her.  "Yes?"

She pointed at the book.  "Book!"

"Olivia, I'll get you dressed in a minute.  We can swing by the library."  He gathered up her books.  Lorne gave him an odd look.  "I can let Tara hellion sit tonight."  Peter beamed at that idea.  "Unfortunately that won't work with the cats."  He walked around one and got her something else to wear.   He came down with her packed bag.  "Let's go see Auntie Tara!" he said happily.  She squealed and slid off Peter's lap to run over and pounce him.  "C'mon.  Elevator."  She pushed the button and got in, pouting when he didn't immediately follow.  Peter got up, shaking his head but he was smiling.   He got them into the car and took them to the library.  Tara looked up from reading at the desk.  He handed her over and her bag.  "Her books are here.  Tara, this is Peter.  Peter, this is Tara, who is like my sister."

"Good evening," he said with a nod.

She smiled at him.  "It's good that he knows nicer people I won't have to turn into goldfish."  She hugged the baby.  "I can babysit."

"Please.  Beckett had to arrest a whole bunch of people who wanted to take Olivia and me in.  Oh, Dean's cat now has a bad habit.  She peed on my bed because I closed his door."  He walked off.  "Grocery store?"

"We can find something good for dinner."  He waved at the baby, getting a smile and a wave back.  "She is adorable, even if I am not furry."  He waited until they were in the car.  "It is early to introduce me."

Xander looked at him.  "Tara's like my sister.  Beyond that, I needed her to know who you were in case one of the psychos came at me again and you ended up needing help."

"I had not thought of that.  I saw some of that earlier.  What did you do to him?"

"I made two very tiny cuts on his pubic area.  I made sure he knew the knife was going to slip next time."  Shank shuddered.  "It was psychological but effective and I didn't leave anything for someone to clean up.  Then again, he had kidnaped Olivia from daycare and had her at the airport.  He offered to have her meet us there."  He dialed one handed.  "Miss Thibi, it's Xander.  I do have Olivia and she is safe.  No, I didn't.  He was going to kidnap both of us but he came to proposition me.  No, she's good.  Tara tonight.  Thanks, Miss Thibi.  Yup, probably tomorrow.  Have a good night."  He hung up and looked at him since they were at another red light.  "He had a letter."

"I would have expected her to be somewhere more paranoid."

"Olivia has her mother's gifts."  Peter winced.  "There's a member of Tara's coven at the daycare.  She's helped her a lot to know not to use it all the time.  Oh, if you find any books that suddenly start to read to you in an Irish voice, Olivia did do it but it's her daddy's voice.  So we're leaving them."

"That is kind.  Some day she'll want to know."

Xander grinned.  "Thanks for not being weirded out."

"It is practical and kind of you.  There is nothing weird about that."  Xander grinned.  They pulled into the grocery store.  "What do children eat beyond bottles and cheerios?"

"She'll eat anything I cook.  She's not on a bottle either.  We're at the potty training stage actually."  He grinned.  "So I get what I want to cook and make sure she has vegetables and a slightly balanced diet."  Peter grinned, helping him pick things out.  By the time they got home, the delivery guy was calling.  "We'll be there in ten minutes.  Two blocks and one stoplight.  Thanks."  He hung up again.  "The new mattress.  I'll put the old one in that nook beside the stairs until I toss it out tomorrow with the trash."   Peter nodded.

They got the mattress into the elevator and Xander came back for the groceries.  Then they went up to put it up there.  Xander put the sheets in the wash and moved the old mattress down there.  He and Peter made the bed.  Lorne was working on dinner.  That was sweet of him.  Xander came down.  "Any room but the one that cat's huffing in is open," he said.  "By the way, you'll usually find the cats in the closets so don't totally close those doors.  Their mother passed on the love of the shoe organizer to them."

"They sleep in shoe organizers?" Lorne asked.

"Yup, head down, tail up, and snoring."  Lorne shook his head quickly but he'd have to accept it.  "The pool is upstairs on the roof.  The patio has a good place for yoga."  He smiled.  "The pool is clothing mandatory whenever the baby's up here.  The wifi from the office extends to the couch.  There's a good cable package."  He yawned.  "Sorry, I'm a horrible host."

"It's cool," Lorne said quietly.  "Show him your library."  Xander nodded, taking him back upstairs to do that.  Lorne shook his head.  The more he knew about Xander the more he was like some goofy kid who had spy memories downloaded into his brain.  Or maybe he was trying to stay out of the hunting life for his niece.  They came back down and Shank was pounced by a cat, but he only stiffened.  Xander removed the cat and chastised it all the way to the couch.  He sat down to check his email.  "Any others?"

"Six.  All of them in DC."

"We warned our friends," Lorne assured him.  Xander grinned.  "Why don't you go swim or something?  This'll be ready in about a half hour."

Xander yawned.  "I'll fall asleep in the pool."

"Nap until dinner," Peter offered.  Xander beamed and laid down there.  The cats gathered around him.  He smiled when one snored at him.  "That is very cute," he said, going into the kitchen.  "Is a very nice house."

Lorne nodded.  "It is.  Though the warehouse is said to be pretty strange."

"Is known to be the storage area for mystical bad things."  Peter looked over then back at him.  "Is safe down there."

"Fine."

"It got some of the contracts on his life cut."

"Even better."  He looked over then at him.  "If he's the one, I'm happy for you," he said quietly.

Peter smiled.  "We are barely dating.  Do not plan fluffy wedding yet."

Lorne snorted.  "I can't imagine either one of you in one of those.  Shotguns...."

Peter snorted.  "Assault rifles are hotter."  He went to look at the things Xander had collected in the office.  He understood why he didn't put his books in there.  It would add pressure to see what he had already done.  Instead, he gave himself things to be inspired by.  Not many pictures of himself but many pictures of places he went.  A few pictures of the people who had went with him.  Pictures of his former friends.  Olivia with her parents, probably just out of the hospital.  The girls in his former life. He came out when the phone rang, answering it.  "Harris residence."  He listened.  "He is napping.  That is pity, he is still napping.  Shank."  He hung up.  "Someone sobbing that I am me."

"Probably one of the drool patrol," Xander muttered.

Peter patted him on the head.  "Sleep."  Xander nodded, yawning and falling back asleep.  He went to help with dinner.  It was homey but nice.  It didn't make him think settling down thoughts but it was comfortable.  He could deal with comfortable things for now.  "I introduced him to golf."

Lorne smirked.  "I heard.  A lot."  He cut up some vegetables.  "So what was Tara like?"

"Blonde, pretty, quiet.  Librarian.  Olivia was more than happy to help her check in her books."

"She's probably spent some time there."

"She was squealing at the scanner and trying to scan her aunt."

"That's being a kid."  He handed over the vegetables and nodded at the pot, letting him toss them in.  His phone vibrated so he pulled it out and went outside to answer it.  "Yeah, Max?"  He listened.  "They got some up here.  I think he said Beckett is the one he works with."  Shank nodded.  "Yeah, Beckett."

"She's with homicide," Xander called, sitting up with a yawn.  "How long did I sleep?"

"Mere minutes."  Peter looked at him.  "You have time."

Xander shifted.  "I'm good."

Peter smiled.  "You need rest in case you don't want to sleep later."

Xander grinned.  "Good point."  He laid back down facing the back of the couch this time.  The cats adjusted themselves around him again.

Peter smiled when the snoring from the cats started again.

Lorne watched them from out there.  They were adorable together.  Though Shank was in for a rude awakening when Xander had to break bad in front of him someday soon.  But they'd handle that.

***

Lorne walked into the police station the next morning with a file he had been sent.  "Detective Beckett?"  She looked over  "Lorne Cash, ECHO," he said quietly, handing her the file.  "The ones we found in DC bothering normal people."

"Thank you."  She looked it over and sighed.  "One got bail here and went there?"

"It's possible.  Though I'd consider it unlikely."  She handed over the booking sheets.  "Okay, so not that unlikely."

"Is he here or there?" she asked quietly.

"Snoring on a cat, which is pretty disturbing since I didn't know he liked animals."

She smiled.  "Xander can do that to you."  She went back over them.  "I've arrested two of them."  She got into her computer to pull up those files.  He read them and shook his head.  "Beyond that, is Xander calmer?"

"I hope so.  Olivia went to her aunt last night."

"We know, we sat a watch on her place," she assured him with a smirk.  "Most of them know that he thinks of Tara like a sister."

"That's fine.  Is there anything I can do today?"

"Our Homeland liaison is watching three people he's never associated with Xander before," she admitted.  "We have no idea why they want him."

He coughed.  "Someone hacked into his Homeland file, but not the medical results."  She relaxed.  "So it could be because of that or thanks to the idea that he'd make the perfect underworld mate and husband because he knows weapons, is protective, and is good with the semi-evil ones."

"What is he?" she asked quietly.

"Former KGB.  He's a friend even though he tried to kill me on and off for years."  She just nodded and sipped her coffee.  He smiled.  "He even taught Xander golf."

"Good exercise."  She closed the folder and handed it back.  "Help Philips if you want.  If not, make sure Xander doesn't have to kill anyone today?"

"Shank would do it for him if he had to."  He smiled.  "He's actually very good at it."

"Good!  Xander could use someone that was just as protective as he is."

"Oh, yeah, he would be.  Let me talk to Philips.  If you need me, call."  He walked off.

She smiled and sipped her coffee.  "We need more agents like him."  Her minions came in.  "DC arrested a few more of his admiration society."

"Yay," Esposito said.  "Happy paperwork to them."

She laughed.  "His new boyfriend's nickname is Shank."

Ryan stiffened, looking at her.  "As in former KGB agent?" he hissed.  She smirked and nodded.  "Huh.  Well.... dangerous, deadly."

"An author," Rick said as he walked in.  "Peter's a very nice guy.  He has good taste in restaurants.  He taught Xander golf.  He chided him gently when he shot someone on the golf course but agreed he could use his crossbow the next time."  He smiled.  "Paula has *major* wet panties over his book."  He sat down with a grin for them.  "He seems to be the sort of man I'd let my daughter Alexis date even though I know what he used to do.  They all say he's retired, which is nice.  He's protective.  He got Xander to let someone else handle something."  They all looked awed at that.  "Olivia apparently called him a puppy."

She snickered.  "I love Olivia.  Some decade I want kids like her."

Rick grinned.  "She's a good girl.  Even if she does call John Winchester 'Grandpa'."

They all smiled and got happy for the day.  It was probably going to be a threat-free day with the ones that had gotten arrested yesterday.  Xander would have a happy day.  The demons were probably scared to piss Xander off today.  So yeah, it might be an easy day.  Maybe even one without a dead body.

***

Peter walked up to where Xander was having an iced coffee.  "That is an abomination of coffee."

Xander smiled.  "I got warm waiting on you."  Peter smirked at him.  "How did it go?"

"She offered me much money and half of your muses."  He sat down.  "Is a nice offer and I agreed."  Xander beamed at him.  "She did say that the golf course you chose is very difficult."

"Yes it is."  He smirked.  "Want to go with me?"

"We'll share your clubs this time."  Xander got up and took him back to get the clubs, and so Peter could change, then they went to play some golf.  Peter looked at the clubs then at him.  "Very nice but expensive."

"He said it'd help me compensate for my alarming leaning to the left."

"Could, yes."  He grinned at the boy.  They got a cart signed out and went out onto the course.  It was nearly empty this time of day, just a few retirees.  They teed off, Xander letting him go first.  It was a nice ride.  Apparently they didn't walk here.  "Why the ride?"

"They don't allow people to walk the course anymore.  Not after a few trysts got found."

"Ah.  That makes sense with those woods."  Xander grinned at him, a tiny bit of smirk added.  "You are much more wild than I am."

"Anya liked it."  He shrugged.  "I just gave in like the girls who raised me had taught me to."

"I am much less wild."  They got out to take their second shots, Xander having to hike back to his.  Peter snickered but it was fine.  They got to that troublesome third hole that Xander had warned him about.  It was on a dog-leg.  It was filled with water on one side, rough on the outer edge of the curve, and had a sand trap right in the center.  "This is not pretty," he admitted.

"And there's a bar right there," he said with a point and a grin.  "So we can't shoot over the trees.  Someone in the shop was bragging that someone made it in under seven shots."

"Seven?" he asked, considering it.  "If you could go over the trees, you could probably make it in four."

"You'd hit the bar."

"Probably, yes."  He went to look at it then shook his head.  "Aim for the rough."  He handed him the proper driver.  Xander hit one off-center, like usual, but generally in the right direction.  He hit one to the rough, just on the edge of the sand trap.  They drove down there and he got a look at the other side of the hole's course.  "Whoever did this was sadistic."

"I figure they wanted to see people think in terms of geometry."

"Perhaps."  He hit his next shot.  Xander's swing was making him wince.  "Stop."  Xander froze.  He came over to help him.  Xander grinned at him and hit it.  They followed.  It was in the rough before the green.  Then up onto the green and into the hole on the second putt since it was sloped so very nicely with the hole on the top of the hill.  "Truly sadistic.  Must be from here."

"Or Scotland and they're offended that some of us wear ugly things on the course," Xander quipped.  He made it in three putts.  They marked their cards and moved on.

"Are others this hard?"

"Sixteen because of the way the hill slants.  It's a bit...steep if you go the easy way."

They finished the other holes before that other troublesome one.  Peter scanned it and formulated a plan but was muttering about sadistic course managers.  He chipped it up the hill to the top and watched it roll partially back down.  Xander hit his harder and went over the hill to the other side and the woods.  Then he chipped it back.  Peter looked at him.  "Are other golf courses here this hard?"

"Don't know, they're members only and members have to be approved."  He stared at him.  "Technically I do have an inherited membership at one of them but they're all snobs and I'd rather gut most of them."

"That makes sense."  They finished up and got lunch then went home.  Xander got some writing time in.  Peter went to write by the pool.  He liked it up there.  There was some music and it was nice. Even if the cats did try to help.  He petted the one trying to invade his lap.  "You are not my pet.  Go steal the master's lap."  She wiggled in anyway and gave him a smug look until he petted her the wrong way.  Then she moved.  He let her sleep on the back of the chair, which she apparently liked anyway.   "Xander, one is trying to visit the next building," he called.

Xander came up and used his super soaker gun on the cat, making it shriek and run off.  "No visiting!"  He looked at the other ones.  He hit the one by his...friend's foot, making her scream and jump.  "No eating the chair either."  Peter laughed.  The cat huffed but went inside.  "I closed my bedroom door," he said dryly.  "So I don't need another mattress."  He stripped off and dove into the pool.

Peter looked at him.  "I need to edit."

"I'll do yours if you do mine."

"That sounds faintly dirty but a good idea."  He closed his laptop and stripped off to dive in as well.  "Baby comes back when?"

"Auntie Tara demanded the right to have her until Sunday."  He beamed.  "She's missing cuddly time."  Shank smirked back and let Xander tease him.  He was good at it.

"Sorry," Beckett said, getting back on the elevator.  "Didn't mean to intrude.  Xander, your father's out.  He tried to get into your old place again."

"Did he beat them this time?"

"No, he got demanding when the officer told him you had moved and made a threat that he'd kill you."  She went back down to the car blushing.  Rick stared at her.  "They're in the pool."

"Aww.  Is he cute?"

"They're naked.  He's very cute."  Rick rolled his eyes.  "I had no idea Xander was built like that."  He stared at her.  "Really."  She started the car and drove off again.  Maybe they could talk Xander's father into going back to California for good.  Preferably today.  They walked back into the squad room.  "He's busy."

"Busy?" Esposito said with a grin.

"They're in the pool."

"Ah!  Busy!"  He nodded.  Xander's father growled.  "Your son does that better."  He went back to the paperwork.  Beckett answered her phone.  "Beckett."  She listened, taking down the address.  "Yes, her husband is out.  That's what we want to do, yes.  Let me conference you in."  She put him on hold and hit the button to do that then the parole office in New York.  Then she brought him back.

"Thank you, gentlemen.  We do have a Tony Harris, released today, here.  He is not officially in custody but he did make a threat against his son for daring to have moved over a year ago."  She listened.  "That's what we need to figure out, yes.  Can he live with her since they were both in jail?"  She made a note.  "I'd assume that they had proof of the marriage.  Probably within the social services files. Please."  She waited while they talked.

"I can talk his son into giving him a ticket back there.  I know he won't take him in.  He's very adamant that he won't take either parent in.  Yes, the same person."  She listened.  "That'd work.  Thank you.  We can transfer him out there?  Even better.  I'll have him out there by tonight.  Thank you, gentlemen."  She hung up.  "Good news, Harris, you can join your wife where she is."  She texted Xander's phone.  No answer after a few minutes.  She called.  Answering machine.  She sighed and called Paula.

"His father's out.  Parole has granted his request to go live with his wife if Xander will front him a ticket."  She nodded.  "Not answering.  They were in the pool a bit ago though so maybe they're not up there."  She smirked.  "Very.  I can do that.  Thank you, Paula."  She hung up.  "She can get Xander to give you a ticket home.  We have your ID that was in your things so you're not going to have a problem there.  We'll even make sure you get there."

She got a text and sent one to her about where he needed to go.  She got one back with a ticket number and information for the flight.  "Good, let's go.  We have to get you there in two hours."  She walked him down to the car and took him to the airport, making sure he got onto the plane.  Then she went to get a new coffee in reward for not slapping him.  Or shooting him.  Or even stabbing him.  So maybe she needed some chocolate as well.

TBC...

Chapter 29: Rock And Roll

Detroit Rocks and then everyone has to roll with what's going on when the drool patrol wants what Peter has.

Peter looked at his phone once he had hung up.  "Who put my phone number into Xander's phone?" he asked, knowing it had to be one of two people.  One was a few feet away doing the books for his bar, where they were sitting.

"Welcome," Max chirped from her seat with a smile.  "Especially since he's got to go to Detroit next week."

He looked at her.  It appeared he was wrong about who it was but Lorne would never let him kill her.  Pity.  "How did you get my number?"  She pointed at Lorne, who shook his head.  He didn't have it.  "I see."  He put his phone up.  He got a text message saying he was sorry the baby had gotten the phone and sent back a 'that's fine' and put it into his pocket.

"Who was it?" she asked.

"The baby.  She demanded I tell her a story.  Apparently she snuck the phone."  Lorne snickered, shaking his head.  "Though she's still calling me a puppy."  He sipped his drink.  He got another text message, which started with a 'last one I promise' and went on to tell him something he needed to know.  "My trainer is in New York," he said.

"Crap," Lorne said, calling someone.  "Micah, Shank's trainer is in New York.  Did he go up to Xander?"

"Invited himself to the lunch he was having just now."  He finished sending one back and put up his phone.  Xander had promised to erase the number until he had the right to have it.  It was nice how the boy understood he was a bit paranoid.  "How did he know?"

"There's a few of your former coworkers up there," Max said.  "Maybe they spotted you guys golfing."

"Perhaps."  He finished his drink.  "Let me go home.  The new publisher is quite a slave driver."  He went home to think about a few things.  He had no idea why Xander was going to Detroit.  Nothing bookish or authorish was going on there anytime soon that he had seen.

***

Xander handed his apartment keys to Tara.  She was going to stay with the baby and the cats while he was in Detroit with the Winchesters and half of everyone else.  He hugged Olivia.  "Uncle Xander loves you and you're a great and good girl, Olivia."  The baby beamed at him.  "You be good for Auntie Tara, all right?"  She hugged her auntie.  "Hopefully it won't make the news this time," he said quietly, kissing her on the cheek.  He climbed into John's truck with Faith between him and John.  "Thanks for the ride."

"Not a problem, kid.  Weapons?"

"I put 'em in," Faith said.  "She'll be fine, Xander.  Even if you fall, Tara's going to make her grow up to be a girly, smart girl."

"I know.  It's just that this is my first apocalypse battle without Buffy there snarking at things."

She laughed.  "True.  It'll definitely be quieter without the blonde mouth or Spike."  They drove off.   "When did she start calling you grandpa?" she asked John.

"During the last trip through here Tara read her a book about grandparents before they called Daniel's mother.  So she's decided I'm the grandfather I guess.  I could have worse kids than you two and mine."  Xander grinned at him.  "You're both really good demon hunters.  You have a career, Xander, and you've got that calling, Faith.  I could do without her mother but otherwise, you're pretty neat step kids."

"I'd hug you but you'd hit me," Xander said with a grin.

"Yup.  Probably."  He turned on the radio.  He swatted Faith's hand when she tried to change it.  Xander handed over the pre-loaded iPod for each of them.  That solved that problem.  He'd have to suggest it to Sam and Dean.

***

Dean looked up the morning of the battle.  "We told the general?" he asked quietly as Xander sat down.

"I left him a message.  I left messages with the agent in Homeland who stalks my dates.  Hell, I even told a few of my former dates."

Dean snickered.  "They could be helpful."  He stuffed his mouth.  Xander dug into his own breakfast.  John and Faith joined them.  It was a good breakfast for the battle later that afternoon.  They loaded up and went to check the weapons one last time.  Then they headed to the site where the demon was trying to form.  The local PD was cooperating because it would cause a lot more problems if the demon got free of the hunters handling it.  There were already religious people trying to protest.

Xander looked at them.  "People," he called, getting attention.  "If this thing gets free, nothing holy is going to bother it.  It's from another realm, not a hell realm."  A few booed him.  "If you're standing that close to the battle, we can't promise you won't get hurt and you can't sue us if you do.  So if it breaks free, I'd move quickly."

"How do you know?" one woman wearing minister's robes demanded.

"Last year one got sent here and it ate sixteen people before they figured out you had to rip it apart.  That one took out half a military unit."  She shuddered.  "It's not from a hell realm.  If we're lucky it'll be a tiny ball of claws.  If it's under two feet of razor sharp claws, we can shoot it with the artillery.  If not, run."  They complained but they let the hunters go handle it.

The few PETA members were being held back by the cops.  They ignored all the delusional people.  When the demon finished appearing they attacked.  The PETA people screamed at them to leave it alone.  One broke free of the barricade and rushed for the creature.  John tried to stop her but she dove in front of it, between it and Xander and Dean.  The creature killed her.

"Fucking great," Xander muttered.  She got floated out of the way.  "Thank you, Tara, for watching tv today," he quipped.  Faith smirked at him.  "Watch out, Faith, there's something forming behind you!"  She moved out of the way and they attacked the first demon.  The new one was blinking in and out as it fought to not be summoned.  Which was a bad sign.

John looked then back at the officers.  "Have those religious sort start praying.  That one's a hell born spawn and we don't have enough artillery for it!" he called.  The officers nodded, shouting that over.  They were more than happy to pray against that demon instead since it might help.  That first one had scared them.  This new one was still fighting.  They picked up the praying and more groups showed up.  Even the PETA people were praying.  That one was huge, it was mean looking, and it wasn't looking happy at whoever had summoned it.  John finished off the ball of claws and teeth, though they were all injured.

Xander turned and looked at the portal.  "That's going to suck."  He texted someone.  No answer.  "Crap!"  He looked at his bag of weapons.  "Faith, it's a sword one."  She got hers, he got his axe.  John, Dean, and Sam grabbed machetes.  "Behead it," he ordered.  They nodded.  "It's got a really tough, thick skin.  It's got a really bad temper and horrible breath.  It will bite.  It eats flesh, especially anything small and wiggly."  They nodded and broke apart to handle that.  "If we had more artillery, we could blow the head off."

"Beckett can't send it?" Faith complained.

"She's not answering.  The poker circuit isn't answering either."

"Crap, I hope that's not a problem at home," Dean muttered.

Xander looked at him.  "Bite.  Your.  Tongue."

"It'd never happen when Tara's there by herself," he reminded him.  "She'd take the baby to safety first."  Xander nodded and calmed himself.  The demon roared as it appeared.  Dean took a swing but it didn't do any damage.

"Understatement on the tough skin," John complained.  Xander moved in front of Sam since he had the longer weapon.

Faith followed because hers was longer and she was stronger than the guys.  "Boytoy, move," she ordered.

He glared at her and took a swing, which moved the demon toward her.  "Call me a sheepdog."

"That'll work," she decided.

The boys got the sides with their father while Xander took the back and her the front.  The demon threw Dean and Sam at the crowd when Xander managed to make a cut.  It spun to hit him.  He ducked but the second swat caught him in the stomach.  He got clawed but he was still able to stand.  He ached like hell but he'd handle it.  "Dean, toss me the red snap vial!" he called.  Dean tossed it over and he snapped it against his stomach.  He had to hiss as the potion hit him but that was the purpose.  He straightened up and dove back in.

It forced Faith to move backwards but he managed another cut.  Dean and John focused on that while Sam and Faith got the front and distracted it.  Dean made the next slice happen and the demon tried to get him but Sam had just stuck his machete in the thing's mouth and cut it.  That pissed him off.  He batted Sam into the officers.  Faith ducked most of them but got a few claw cuts.  Xander and Dean worked on the open spot.

Xander's axe got stuck in the spinal column.  He had to yank a few times to get it free.  The demon was whimpering and trying to get them but they were moving with it.  Xander took another swing and then they had to dive out of the way of the sound of the artillery launching whine.  The demon's head exploded.  They panted, looking at the guy with the weapon.  "You couldn't have come sooner?" Xander demanded.  The guy shrugged.  "Damn."  He looked at the demon.  He stood up slowly, holding his stomach.

Dean made himself stand up, holding his shoulder with the deep cut.  "What's that snap vial?"

"Healing potion."

Dean got into the first aid kit, handing one to Faith, who was very injured, and his father, who looked like he was covered in blood.  Sam was being tended by paramedics.  Dean helped Xander over.  "Let's get healed."  They gathered the weapons and put them into the truck.  John locked it.  The officers nodded they'd guard it for them.  The paramedics wanted to take all of them to the ER.  "Dude, we usually do our own stitches," Dean said.

"Not this time you're not.  That shoulder injury is into your joint and you can see the intestinal wall on him."

"Boys, we'll move the truck to the ER," the watching officer noted.

Dean looked at him then tossed over the keys.  "Black Impala.  Kansas plates."

"I can do that."  They nodded and let themselves be taken to the ER.  They moved them there.  The officers didn't want to peek at the weapons.  It might freak them out.  The guy with the artillery had dropped it and run.  They'd find out who he was and thank him, then make sure he should have artillery or ask him to move to LA.  They had plenty of need for artillery out there.

The Police Commissioner showed up in the ER.  "Are we sure there won't be another one?" he asked.

Xander shook his head.  "They send three forward guards before they invade somewhere," he said quietly.  "We killed the first two.  They sent that third one.  Since it can't come back they won't invade here."  The commissioner smiled.  "Worry about whoever summoned that other one."

"I'm wondering how we'd tell."

"Ask Tara," Dean said.  "That's what we do."

"There's a coven upstate somewhere," John said.  "They should be able to tell where it was coming from if they were paying attention."  He looked at his phone, which was broken.  "I'd have a number of someone who could have one but I can't get into it."

Sam called Bobby.  "It's us.  Yeah, we're all alive, just banged up.  The coven here?  Any idea?"  He wrote down a town name.  "Thanks, Bobby.  Yeah, trying to figure out who summoned it.  Thanks."  He hung up and wrote down another name.  "He's local.  He's one of the top chaos mages."

"If we're talking Ethan, that's not his style," Xander said quietly.

"We are but he'd be able to tell if he felt it."

"We can ask him or them," the Commissioner said with a nod.  "Thank you.  Not to be rude but the religious protestors are getting antsy."

"We'll be going tomorrow," Xander said.  "I have a cabin in the Upper Peninsula.  We can rest there for a few days then go back to New York."

"That'll work, boys, and miss," he said with a nod at Faith.  He left them alone.

Xander looked at John.  "Are any of us fit to drive?"

"I will be within a few minutes of rest," John said.  "And a meal."

"I could," Faith said.  Dean snorted.  "Or Sam maybe."

"I have double vision," Sam admitted.

"I can," Dean said.  "I don't need my left hand for anything."  They nodded and got checked out then went to check out of the motel.  Xander changed his voicemail message.  Dean looked at him.  "Telling everyone we're good?"

"Changed my voicemail message so anyone who needed to knows where we're going and that we all survived relatively well.  That way no one can nag."  He turned off his phone.  "At least this time Buffy can't call and nag."  Faith gave him an odd look.  "After that snake demon, she called and nagged so much about me being *normal* that I handed the phone to Beckett and walked off.  Then Dean tried."  Dean nodded.  "Still think I'm normal?" he joked.

"Hell no.  You're downright weird and strange," Sam joked.  He grinned.  "But we like you that way.  And your battle axe."  They looked at the cars.

"Kid, in," John ordered.  "Faith, stretch out in the back of the Impala."  She nodded, crawling in to nap in there.  Xander got into John's truck and they took off.  "Rest, kid."

"I can't sleep yet.  I'm too wired."  He pulled out his laptop and read something he had written long ago that he used whenever he couldn't sleep.  Clearly it had been crap worse than his usual crap.  John shook his head, taking the laptop one-handed to close down when the boy finally napped against the door.  He knew the way to the cabin and it was a good drive.  A pretty day for one too.  They'd make it about dusk.

***

Peter hung up from calling Xander's phone.  Lorne had to remind him he had the number thanks to that call from the baby.  "He owns a cabin in Michigan?"

"According to his profile, one in the Upper Peninsula," Lorne said, looking at him.  The teleplay of the battle was being reshown.  "He's not badly injured."

"No, he is not.  Is still worrying."  He called again, walking off to leave a message.  He came back to get another drink.  Apparently Xander's life was sometimes more insane than any spy's life was.  Who knew demon hunting was that dangerous?

Lorne stifled his grin.  Shank would try to kill him again if he caught him grinning at him for being a worried boyfriend.

***

Xander got handed his phone when he woke up.  "How many?"

"Paula and Rick said that your hands had to be in good shape or else she'd kill you.  Rick also said that Alexis was going to baby you if you got really hurt.  Beckett said that next time tell her and she'd let you bring more artillery with you.  She thought you had over estimated how much you might need.  General Jack said he was sorry, he was off at a battle of his own.

"And Peter said he wanted a call because he didn't know that doing this stuff was more insane than being a spy."  Xander blushed at that one, answering it first.  Then he called Tara to check on Olivia.  Olivia babbled at him, he had it on speaker so John could hear too.  Dean came over to talk to her, making her squeal his name and babble more at him.  It took her an hour to quit babbling at them but that was fine.  They needed the calming energy she gave them.

***

Peter hung up his phone with a head shake.  "He has been doing that sort of thing since he was sixteen, that was bad but not the worst ever, and he is truly insane but retired to only the bad things."  He took his swing and hit the ball into the water.  He swore in Russian, going to put his ball by the water and shoot it again.  His scores were going to need lying about today.

The other spies looked at him.  "Who, lad?" the older, British one asked.

"Xander."

"Ah!  That young lad you were teaching?"  Peter looked over and nodded.  "What was he doing?"

"The thing in Detroit."

"That poor lad.  Is he all right?"

"Is injured but moving and able to walk.  He assured me he is retired unless it's something horrible."

"So are we," another of the retired spy golfing group said dryly.  "Then we all jump in."

"Do not remind me.  My trainer is in town and is trying to scowl at me.  He wants Xander for himself apparently."  He took his new shot and put his club up.

The other spies shook their heads.  It was fun to watch but Shank would kill them if they smiled at him about being in lust with the young man.

***

Xander got home and found Olivia waiting on him and pouty.  "Why are you pouting?"  She pointed upstairs.  "No, it's too cold to go swim."  He gave her a cuddle.  "You're a good girl."  She smiled at him and got a book.  He held it up.  "This one, huh?"  He smiled, settling in to read to her.  Tara came out of the bathroom and smiled at them.  "We're back.  The guys are getting groceries.  John's taking Faith home."

"That's wonderful.  The cat that loves Dean will be happy to have him back."

"Did she get into my room again?"

"No.  I made sure."  She smiled at Olivia.  "Show him what I taught you?"

She smiled and pointed at something.  "At," she said with a grin.

"That's very good," he said, giving her a cuddle.  He pointed at the words as he read them.  Maybe she'd get used to them that way.

Peter walked off the elevator with Dean and Sam behind him.  "We found the scary looking doggy wandering around the city," Dean quipped.

"Hi," Xander said, smiling at him.

"Good afternoon."  He came over to get a kiss.  Xander beamed at him.  "Good day, Olivia."  She pushed him until he sat down then sat in his lap with the book.  "Need read to?"

She pointed at a word.  "At."  She smiled.

"That's very good."  He patted her on the back.  She did it again.  He pointed at one.  "The."  She gave him an awed look.  He pointed at another one.  "The."

"At!" she said happily.  Then pointed at that other one.  "The!"

Peter beamed.  "Excellent job.  Go show your aunt?"  She took the book to Tara to show her that new word.  Xander beamed at him.  "She is adorable and quite smart.  Some day many of my successors will want to steal her to work on a project."  Xander burst out laughing and gave him a hug.  Then sat down with a wince and a hiss.  "Are you still injured?"

"Yes.  I'm fine though."

"Uh-huh.  We can make sure of that."

Xander grinned.  "You can do that after dinner?"

Peter grinned.  "I can, yes."  John came off the elevator with the rest of the groceries.  The baby ran over to hug him and show him her new words.

"That's very brilliant, Olivia," John praised with a smile.  "Help me make your uncle dinner so he has vegetables?"

"I need meat, not vegetables."

"You can eat both.  It'll help you heal," John ordered.

"I was going to take him to dinner," Peter offered, looking at Xander.  Who looked at Olivia.  "We can go somewhere less worthy of good food."

Xander grinned.  "Dean, go reconnect with your bitchy cat please?  If she can't get in your room she pees on my bed.  Or anytime I change your sheets."

"Sorry," he said, going to find her.  He stared from the doorway.  "You didn't pounce, I thought you might be sick."  She started to meow frantically as she got up and stretched then ran over to stretch up his leg and pat him until he picked her up.  He carried her down the stairs.  "C'mon, kitty wife."

John and Sam were snickering.  Xander and Olivia got pretty and went out with his boyfriend.  Tara was snickering as she gathered up her stuff to go home.  It was a good night.

"So no vegetables, right, Dad?  She's not here now."

"Shut up, Dean," he said with a grin.  "Pet your wife there."

"Fine."  He settled in to pet her and watch the entertainment tv station.  They were saying nothing about the battle for a change.  It was nice.  Last time they had gotten stalked for a bit.

***

Peter walked Xander and the sleeping baby back to the apartment, going in last.  Xander took her up then came back down to show him the warehouse.  He had asked to see.  They walked in and he stared.  "I need this in my closet."  Xander grinned.  They walked around looking at things.  There were many strange, disturbing things in there, and something he recognized as a poisoner's tool.  Xander made a note on the card in front of it before they moved on. Then they went upstairs to cuddle and let Peter check his injuries.  He was very gentle when he cleaned them.  Then he let Xander snuggle for a bit while he read to him.  Which the boy liked just as much as his niece.  He looked down at him.

"It's the accent," Xander assured him with a grin.  Shank grinned back and went back to reading.  Though now he did it in Russian.  Xander ended up doing a credible pounce from a lying position.  It was a nice night.

***

Olivia looked up the next morning, scowling.  "Bad you, go back to bed!  No nighties!"

"We didn't have nightmares," Xander said, giving her a hug.  "You should finish eating before I eat it on you or Dean does."  She pouted at Peter, who patted her as well.

"Puppy good boy?"

"Yes, I'm a very good boy."  She beamed and wandered around with her milk until they had eaten then she and Xander went to stretch on the porch.  Peter watched, grinning at the silliness.  Then she ran in and dove under the blankets on the couch.  He helped cover her and the hiding cat up.  "Is cold," he told her.

"That's why we can't swim.  It's much too cold," Xander agreed.  He looked at her.  "Want to stay here and watch me write or go to daycare?"  She pouted.  "Okay, you come see me when you get bored."  He looked at his boyfriend.  "She'll turn on the tv pretty loudly and dance to it."

"That's fine.  I can tune out distractions."  Xander grinned and went to his office to write.  Olivia turned on the tv and found the music station with girls of questionable looking virtue dancing in short clothes.  Shank stared then at her.  "You should learn better dancing habits.  Do you know what they're doing?" he called.

"Put it on VH-1.  Channel 19.  Or 136 is VH-1 Classic.  Or above 600 is music stations."

He picked something he liked and let her dance to it.  She was smiling even though there weren't any pictures. She was still shaking it like the dance girls but that was fine he guessed.  Her aunt would teach her better.  He stared at her doing one move.  "Where did you learn that?"

Xander came to the doorway to look and grinned.  "Her Auntie Buffy used to booty pop.  She nearly had me doing it at one point in time."  He went back to his current novel of frustration.

Peter smiled but got to work on his own proofreading needed.  She came over to look and pointed at a word.  "Of."  She smiled and danced off again.  One of the cats tried to sneak past. "Don't chase the cats," he said quietly.  "That's mean."  She pouted but went back to dancing around.  He heard a bell and looked.  She ran over to it and got the toy, teasing the cats with it.  He found her some blocks so she came over to build with them instead.  She clearly needed an attention span today.  "Did the Winchesters already leave?" he asked her.  She ran up the stairs yelling Dean's name. He laughed.

"Dean will make her cuddle," Xander called.  "When he hurt his back because she squealed at him in the shower, she'd pick things from the plants on the porch and then bring it up to him and make him read to her until he needed another nap.  She fussed over him *so* badly," Xander said with a grin.  He came out with his laptop.  "I'd go sit outside but it's cold and windy."  Peter smirked at that.  "It's probably too windy to go golf?"

"Proofreading?" he teased.

"Yes.  And the stupid book that will not end."  He sighed.  His phone rang and he looked then ignored it.  The house phone rang a minute later.

"Paula?" Peter asked.

"Yup.  Probably going to nag."

Peter answered the phone.  "Yes?"  He listened.  "No, he is busy, Paula.  Well, yes, I am here and he is busy."  He grinned at Xander.  "I promise both of us will send you at least ten pages later?"  He hung up on her pouty voice.  "She said we will and it had better not be a real life confession of how good I am."

"I never write sex scenes.  They get cut out."

"I do."  Xander leered.  He put his computer aside.  "Since it is too windy for golf."  Xander pounced.  "The baby?"

"Dean, keep her," he called.

"We're reading," Dean called back.

"Cool."  He kissed his friend and then moved on from there.  The music got changed to something more conductive to smutty couch sex.

Dean looked up at the first moan and got up to close his bedroom door.  "We'll read a second book today, Olivia."  She beamed at him and pointed at words for him to tell her.  It worked for her and she was learning things so he was happy.  He heard his dad get up and winced.  But apparently John heard the groaning and stayed in his room too.  Sam was asleep and wandering toward coffee but came back up when he got halfway down the stairs.  Sam knocked then came in, earning a grin from Dean.  "Should we give him the shovel talk?"

"Let Tara."  Sam nodded, coming over to sit on Olivia's other side so he could help teach her words.  John apparently used the elevator from the pool area to go down so they could get some breakfast. Xander wouldn't mind them having fast food.  And hey, any reporters John could make run for the hills.

***

Xander got an unprecedented call and went to City Hall for the meeting.  He had even put on a nice shirt over his jeans.  Olivia went to daycare, much to John's pouting, but yay.  He could nag for legitimate granddaughters.   He walked in and saw a nervous looking assistant sort with a clipboard.  He signed in and got the way to the room he had been asked to come to.  He walked that way, listening to things.  No noise that would indicate a large group or anything so no ambush tactics this time.  He knocked then walked in.  "Yes?" he asked the two people in there.  "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Mr. Harris," the mayor said with a smile.  "Sit, please.  We wanted to talk about our demonic community."

Xander sat down, looking at the other person.  Great, the archbishop of New York City.  "What about it?  It's one of the oldest established and most peaceful communities in this hemisphere."

"There's an older one?" the priest asked.

"There's been one in Central America of local demons that banded together to stay out of a few older culture's ways.  One's a hidden enclave and the other's mostly died out.  There's a few very long lived species left there but the last I heard they wanted to be isolationist.  And I think there's the rainforest enclave that's a bit older.  It was formed around the same time if I remember what I read right."

"That's good to know.  So it predates this being New Amsterdam?" the priest asked.

"I know it predates the witch trials, it predates the majority of the problems in Plymouth.  It predates the Revolution.  I'd have to look that up."  He texted Sam.  Who had probably read that book too.  He got back an answer.  "1623."  He looked up and smiled.  "Most of the larger cities groups are mostly peaceful.  It's usually someone from outside the community that causes problems that get attention."

"So all our local problems have mostly been outsiders?"

"Think of it like the cultural enclaves we have in town," Xander said.  "Like the newly immigrated sections and the older established Chinatown, those areas.  They're set up the same way.  They each have a hierarchy, they have the elders that've been there forever and set down rules.  They have the young punks who sometimes want to break out but most of them don't.  They tend to police themselves even more firmly because any notice by humans is unwelcome and can lead to their death.  A lot of the young punks will form area-specific gangs.  They only work in their areas because they know going outside would get them killed."

That got a nod from both older men.  "Then someone from a non-enclave area shows up, wants to get notice so he can get some power, move up the ladder of success, so he does something showy.  Then someone has to deal with it.  The only exception to that are vampires, who are either feeders and cause problems or eat some other way that doesn't bring attention, and a few hive species.  Then you don't get the young punks."

"Do we have a hive species?" the mayor asked.

"Yes, you have three in town.  You actually have a few in city maintenance from one because they're recyclers.  They pick trash, use it to build nests and feed the young."  That got a single nod and a shudder from the priest.  "They live on metal so they recycle it.  It helps clean up things and they tend to live by dumps."  He shifted and leaned back.

"The other two hive cultures, one's usually used in higher demon-run businesses and things as menial workers.  They can do assembly line stuff or they can do the form filling out, that sort of thing.  Drone jobs basically.  The other is a mobile culture.  They tend to be things like herbalists and those sort of issues.  They're farmers, herbalists, things that need growing.  They tend to live like a mobile clan sort of structure."

"Like gypsies?"

"More like the stories than the actual ones," Xander admitted.  "Very tight, no outsiders, live in clan tents usually around their chosen growing area.  Now, a few of those have been bribed into growing pot now and then, but that's mostly out west, the clan owed someone, and they got forced into it."  The mayor nodded at that, making a note.  "It's basically a blackmail situation sort of thing."

"I can understand that.  Are there dangerous species?" the priest asked.

"Anything can be dangerous, Father.  Hell, I'm a comic book geek and one of the most dangerous there is when you attack what's mine to protect."

"I understand that.  Beyond the normal human level of dangerous.  Outright attacking sort of dangerous."

"Vampires for the most part.  There's a few species that have warrior portions or clans.  That's for their own defense and earlier wars."  He rolled his eyes.  "There's one going on off-realm that's taking a lot of their attention right now.  It's a case I could support since the bastard in charge was starving everyone while having huge feasts and things."  That got a nod.  "They are flesh eaters but down there they tend to eat chicken and things.  On their own plane special celebrations are enemies you captured."  The mayor shuddered.  "It's one of those things that happen.  I'm sure there was something like that among human history.  Even if we didn't eat them."

"True," he admitted.  "Still gross by today's standards."

"Some of them are very...traditionalist.  Like looking at the wizarding in _Harry Potter_? They're the hidebound purebloods."  The priest looked confused.  "They're unwilling to think of new ways, do things any way but the traditional way.  That sort of being.  A lot of them that have warrior clans are that sort."

"So they're not going to change to modern ways," the priest said.

"No.  They think about computers like most watchers do, they're anathema and signs that Satan won sometime in the seventies."  The mayor snickered.  "They do for the most part."

"So I've heard."  He smiled.  "Outside vampires, how many of them could... say, perpetuate an attack on the city?"

"Most vampires wouldn't, that'd be stupid.  Most demons aren't going to work with terrorists.  Terrorists tend to be religious based and like Southern Baptists, demons make them scream at God for not telling them about their kind.  Which is why one church hates me enough to send me quarterly threats for exposing their world."

"I heard about some of those," the priest admitted.  "Very ill mannered."

Xander grinned.  "The few that like to burn books and a straw-stuffed Baptist and/or Pentecostal voodoo doll version of me, I send thank you notes for buying so many copies."  The priest burst out cackling.  "I don't have problems with many but the ones I do tend to be those and one Catholic church upstate."

"I've heard and talked to their priest, who is a hidebound man like the demon clans.  I should tell him that."  He smiled.  "So probably no attacks?"

"There's some that may want power.  They're not the average demons.  The average demon here on this plane wants to be unnoticed, have enough of a job or something so he can protect and take care of his family, and is usually a decent person.  There's times when they might be enticed or roused to a riot pitch by skillful minister types who want them to come up and gain a better spot."  That got a nod.  "The last two of those in the city Tara ran out after making them cry because they were going to try to attack her library, which holds a donated occult collection in a specially shielded room so nothing in there can be used to cause harm."

"I heard about that and asked," the mayor admitted.  "That's a good plan."

Xander smiled.  "My ex's books went there when she had to finish divesting herself before her final vows."

"Your ex?" the priest asked.

Xander tapped the table a few times.  "Back in Sunnydale, I was dating a former vengeance demon named Anya.  She had gotten fired for having her power center broken."

"As in Anyanka?" he asked.  Xander nodded.  "You have dangerous tastes, Mr. Harris."

"That's who's drawn to me," he said dryly.  "Anyway, she cheated."  The priest shuddered.  "There were over a thousand of them in her little black book.  I tried so hard to keep my temper, I ended up calling on her counterpart for scorned boyfriends."

"Ah, and you turned the libidinous young woman into a nun," the priest said.

Xander nodded.  "There's nothing keeping her there.  I just wanted her to find charity, peace, and happiness.  And she has.  She's in Spain right now.  We've talked recently.  We send each other letters now and then.  She agreed, she was out of control and needed the swift kick.  When I walked in on her and my best friend, Tara's former girlfriend, her excuse was 'she's good at it'."

"So she's found peace and happiness, so she's staying of her own free will," the mayor said.  Xander nodded.  "Her collection?"

"Is in there.  She was a witch before she got offered her former job.  Tara's already made sure her books are just as protected.  It could help someone protect themselves after we're gone."

"I can see that point and as long as they can't be used to cause harm then I'm fine with them," the mayor agreed.

Xander relaxed again.  "Tara likes to take lunch in there with Olivia because Olivia's a bit magical herself thanks to her mom.  She likes to float the books and talk to the books, making them talk back."

The mayor smiled.  "I heard how you got her.  She's an adorable girl."

"Tara tries really hard."  He grinned.  "But back to the topic.  Is there a chance that some demon who wants power will try something?"  He considered it.  "There's over ten thousand realms.  A thousand or so are considered to be hell realms, for some reason or another.  There's one that has no seafood.  There's one that has no music.  One of the adjunct members of the LA team is from there."

"So, hell is what you think it is," the priest said.  "I can understand that definition."

"The ones from hell realms, generally, are still usually peaceful.  There's about thirty species from about sixty of those realms that aren't.  There's also some remnants of the Old Ones that used to rule this planet."  The priest stiffened.  "Sorry, but the Council has history books going back that far.  Originally there were demonic kingdoms.  Then the humans overthrew them when they got tired of being deer, gladiators, and toys. Which was when slayers got made.  They passed down the creation story until there was writing."  That got a more tense nod.

"Tara has a copy of one of the history books from a demon realm in the restricted room.  Some of them want to get power back.  That's beings like Wolfram and Hart."  The mayor shuddered.  "Their sort.  They tend to be political, play the politics game to get more power, make deals.  There's the possessing sort, which are the Winchester's sort of problems to hunt.  Those are the traditionally thought of demon for the most part.  They possess, take over, often have plans.  There's no way you can keep their sort from somewhere without wards.  Sometimes not even then.

"Sometimes their sort and Wolfram and Hart's sort form an unholy alliance to create an apocalypse, do something major that will get them more power on the road to full domination, or even fight against each other for power which can cause other problems.  The possessing sort really want released and there's a lot that'll try that.  They tried to use the Winchester family for that."  That got a dual nod.

"Beyond them, most of the huger apocalypse battles have been humans doing stupid shit to gain power.  The battle at my graduation was a human sorcerer who wanted to be a full Old One and spent a century working his way up to that.  He turned into a ninety foot snake, which is why the high school got blown up around him.  We've had chaos sorcerers doing things that brought notice.  The second demon in Detroit was summoned, not naturally occurring.

"If I had to guess it'd be a possessing sort that wanted to get rid of us or a chaos sorcerer with a plan.  Personally I'd be seeing if anything else went off that day if it's the second.  One of the top chaos people came to Sunnydale once and made the candy our high school band was selling youth potioned.  Everyone mentally regressed back to their own teenage years.  They were doing that to distract our team especially and everyone else from the mayor's plan to sacrifice a lot of babies for his plan."

"So we're mostly looking at a select group of problem causing ones, ones that want power moving up, or humans wanting power doing stupid things to get it," the mayor paraphrased.  Xander nodded.  "The ones here?"

"The teen witches that opened that portal in a school claim they didn't know they were doing that.  They also tried to atone later on by trying to bind me to one of the Winchesters so they could have a happily ever after feeling."   The priest snickered.  "Exactly.  Detective Beckett had to get out of a bath to go kick their asses while we protected ourselves.  The last few we've had that I've heard about have been gang violence sort, a few at a poker game about who owed who kittens."

"Kittens?" the mayor asked.

"Yeah, for the flesh eaters.  It keeps them from notice."

"Eww!"

"I don't much like it either, but I'd rather have them eating rats, stray cats, and pigeons than humans."

"True," the priest agreed.  "There's a kitten poker circuit?"

"Yeah, a huge one."  He grinned.  "It's all over the demon community.  It's a popular game.  I play a mean hand for information now and then, and sometimes weapons."

"Huh," he decided, looking at the mayor.  "I don't like it."

"I don't like them hurting cats, dogs, or rabbits," Xander admitted.  "But I'd rather let them control the strays than the homeless."

"I can see that point and agree, but I'd rather they find another way."

"Some only eat small animals.  Some that eat flesh do get some medical waste but there's only so much of that to go around.  Like some vamps go to get the blood bank rejects."

"So the ones that eat small animals are mostly in the circuit or get them through underground dealers or puppy mills," the mayor said.  Xander nodded.  "And the ones that use them instead of humans are disgusting but I'd rather they eat them than humans."

"One PETA member tried to nag a vampire about that.  He told her he could go back to eating people.  She volunteered and he drained her pretty well then turned her."  He grinned.  "She's nagging the other vampires into using non kitten sources until someone has enough and stakes her and her master."  The priest was snickering, shaking his head.  "There's a great tradition of torturing each other among the vamps."

"Is Anne Rice right?"

"There may be a species of vampire that's like hers.  I mean, we had the actual Dracula out there once to try himself against Buffy, but most of them it's 'find a hole and enjoy it'."

"Huh," the mayor said with a nod.  "Living, like rape?"

"They'd be called food.  Maybe a minion."

"Okay," he decided.  "How many vampire deaths do we have in the city?"

"Annually about thirty.  This year so far we've had twelve but that's since Faith moved this way."

"Good.  I like that lowering.  The other violence?"

"I think the gang kicking up the other night was because we were out of town.  They know Faith will kick their asses and slay them if their elders don't.  And their elders did from what we heard."

"That's good," he decided.  "How often should we anticipate something huge going on?"

"Generally, every spring something goes on somewhere.  Why spring was never clarified for me.  Sometimes there's an odd one in the fall.  That's usually human caused."  He called someone.  "Why is it that all apocalypse attempts are in the spring?"  He listened.  "Really?  No, I didn't know and Giles didn't either.  Huh.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "The local Council's historian said that back in ancient demon kingdom times the biggest celebration of their year would've been in early May but there were many celebrations leading up to it."

"So that's why springtime," the priest said.  "I suppose that makes sense.  Like pagans doing rituals on their holidays."  Xander nodded.  "The fall ones?"

"I've seen a few around Halloween.  I've seen a few before, one after, both minor and located in an area where the sorcerer was working and living.  They tend to be more minor or bad but not world-wide bad.  Spring ones are for major moving up events.  Take over bids, wars starting, things that end up with a peace treaty but it needs to be celebrated by a huge sacrifice.  Which John stopped last month in Iowa.  They came here for food sources for it."

"I heard about that," the priest admitted.  "Huh."

"It stopped a multi-generational war.  That war had been going on since the 1800's down here.  They're still celebrating the peace and unhappy that they didn't get the huge sacrifice for the blessing but they're dealing with it there.  Probably by prisoners of war."

"I can understand that.  Sometimes you'll do anything for peace," the mayor admitted.  Xander nodded.  "Would they do something like the Towers?"

"No.  If they want to destroy a bunch of people, there's a weapons pipeline to some species.  There's a few that would do what Black Thorn did in LA and open a portal.  They wouldn't use anything more technical as far as I know."

"So no hacking crisis?" the mayor asked.

"There's two species that can integrate into a technology-based machine by telepathy.  They're offshoots of the same species.  One moved planes and the rest wanted to stay.  It was basically a religious thing gone civil war.  They could.... but they tend to work for the highest bidder and tend to be more of the laid back stoner sorts."

"Are there pawn shop people?" the priest asked.

"Yes."  He grinned.  "There's a lot of different species that do own shops.  I know of at least ten different ones here in Manhattan and one in Brooklyn that I've visited for something specific I needed for a problem.  Various, just want to run a nice shop, get some money.  Some do some underground trading and some don't."

"So if you discount the different species they're like humans mostly," the mayor said.  Xander smiled and nodded.  "So how do we discover the dangerous ones before then?"

"Frankly, that's the local Council's job.  They're supposed to get that reported to them, police the problem, and handle it or ask Faith or me or someone to handle it."  That got a nod.  "If it's someone from outside the area that doesn't respect the Council or they're too high for the Council to deal with, then we usually find out.  You could meet with them and ask them to let certain officers who do know about the demonic and are comfortable deal with it.  There's agents who can do the same thing."  That got a nod and a note taken.  "I know that I've talked with Captain Turner more than once.  Especially when the hell goddess thought we had hidden her Key here and came to get it.  Which meant I had to blow up a storage warehouse on top of her."

"I remember that," the priest said.

"So do I, kinda.  I spent a few days in the hospital."

"Do you think there's some way to preemptively stop things from happening?" the priest asked.

"For that, I'd ask the local Council to step things up.  If you're honest with them and work with them they'd do the same.  Beyond that, even we couldn't stop everything.  We don't hear every leaked plot, there's not always a prophecy."

"There's prophecies?" the mayor asked.

"Many.  Some are crap, some aren't crap.  Some only make sense to whoever had it.  Some can be warped and some not.  After a while you start to get the feel of 'can be warped' or 'seer had a migraine and vision is screwy' but some of those are right."

"How does one get visions?" the priest asked.

"Some are born with that gift.  Some of us are gifted.  I've had a few thanks to the Powers, but they were only emergencies and only since that warehouse sent me to the hospital.  Some people see tiny future things.  Personal things, about their friends.  Some see huge things, like apocalypse battles, which is what I get.  Then again, some people die of theirs.  My ex Cordeila, on the LA team, was looking at a short life thanks to hers ripping her brain apart.  The Powers wanted them to be taken seriously so they come with pain, migraines, and seizures at times.  Even migraine medicine wasn't helping any.  They were saying she probably had another year, year and a half, with them."

"Yours?" the mayor asked.

"I get a headache but not like hers.  We're fairly certain mine either are a natural gift that got turned on or from another source."  He shrugged.  "She was getting them every few weeks, I get them every few months.  Though we're on the front lines to be taken out before any major apocalypse battle."

"Take out the intelligence network, make the war easier for the other side," the priest said.  Xander nodded.  "Are there others?"

"Healers.  Touch healers, Mohr demons, all those sort."

"So you and I heard Sam Winchester?"

"We're both pretty protective of ourselves and we get a head's up before most apocalypse battles get going so we can handle things.  His are from the one that tainted his family.  His are more like mine."  That got a single nod.  "Honestly, they're mostly just slightly weird people.  Some who eat cats instead of cows but mostly weird looking people."

"I get that.  I just didn't want any extra violence going on."

Xander looked at the priest.  "Can you have Father Morgan slap the hell out of two of your nuns then?"

"I will be.  I've heard."  He smirked.  "They were told to stop it."

"For peace loving nuns who believe in life, they tried to break into a nursery earlier.  They were dragged by their veils to Father Morgan from what I got told as I cabbed over."

"Then I'll make sure he handled them.  I heard he was working with one of you?"

"Willow's magic addiction."  He shuddered.  "Yeah, well, it happens sometimes. The great thing is the magic dealers who can hook you to draw you to them without you being interested.  Those I run out of wherever I am as soon as I hear there's one local.  There's one in town right now and I'm about to let Dean burn him down for me.  There's a few young witches we don't want to see going to him."

"Crackhead witches," the mayor said, making another note.  "As long as you don't cause overt property damage, Harris."

He grinned.  "Thanks."  He looked at the priest.  "You'd have to ask Father Morgan about how and why he got into the business of helping us.  I know that he about beat Willow to death for her problems after she kidnaped Tara.  She needed it at the time.  She was playing with memory spells and the like."

"Ow," the mayor hissed.

"Yeah, especially on her girlfriend."  They shuddered.  "There's a few within the abuse shelters who know about those things so if another gets help they can help them there too."

"That's excellent news."  He looked at him.  "Are there any of the rabble rousers here right now?"

"The two we ran out.  The magic dealer can cause a problem."  He texted someone.  He shook his head.  "The Council is saying it's mostly calm.  A few new out of town kids just moved in to try to get good jobs.  They're drones that are moving into a business oriented pack.  She said one of the local pack of succuba is about to give birth.  That could cause a problem for her block.  She'll release a lot of her pheromone power during it."  He looked up.  "I can set up a meeting if you'd like."

"Please.  I've got tomorrow at three open."

Xander shook his head.  "I know that won't work.  There's one of the higher up's new spawn's baptism that they're going to.  Mostly for political reasons because he's a dick.  He typed in another message, getting a nod back.  "There's an open spot within a closed council meeting in three days at two."

He looked at his schedule, nodding.  "I can take my wife to lunch earlier instead of later that day.  I'm mostly free, barring emergencies."

"Okay."  He texted that in.  "Father, are you going?"

"No, I'll arrange my own later on after I talk to my people."

Xander grinned.  "You know that fire and brimstone, absolute control church you liked?"  He smiled and nodded.  "The minister and half the congregation are from a pretty nasty hell plane.  They migrated here to get free."

"He's very blunt about that and I like his description.  I'll start talking with him.  Thank you."

"Not a problem.  New York is my adopted city and I'd love to keep it more peaceful.  Gangs are bad enough."  The mayor nodded.  He smiled.  "Have a good meeting, Mr. Mayor.  Father."  He shook their hands.  "Let me go rescue Tara's library from Olivia.  Her auntie was getting her new books."  He grinned and left.  He did make a report to the council but they had someone in City Hall so they'd get another one from them.  Then he went to save Tara.  He grinned at Olivia.  "There's my niece."

"Dean taught her a new word."  Tara handed her over with a grin.  "She learned dude."

"Aww, are you sounding like Uncle Dean?"  He cuddled her, taking the diaper bag.  "Thank you, ma'am.  Any fines?"

"Ten cents.  I paid it already."  She waved.  "Bye, Olivia."

"Bye!" she cooed, waving back.  She kissed her uncle on the cheek.  "Puppy?"

"He might be up from his nap."  He took her home and found Peter lacing up his golfing shoes.  "Oooh, I should send her to daycare."

Peter smiled.  "She would throw off your swing from a backpack."

"She might, yeah."  He went to change her diaper and clothes since Auntie had let her spill something purple on her shirt.  Then he came down redressed with her.  "Daycare," he said happily.  She squealed and ran for the elevator.

"She can stay with me," Sam called.  "Olivia, want Daycare or me?"  She looked at him.  "You can stay and I'll read to you instead if you want."

"Want Uncle Sam or daycare?" Xander asked her.

"Is she old enough to understand?"

"Maybe not.  You can have her later, Sam.  Let's let her play with the fishies."

"Okay."  He grinned.  "I'll go to the bookstore."  She moaned and went to cuddle him.  "Want to go to the bookstore instead of the daycare?"  She beamed.

"If she gets pouty that means she wants to go anyway," Xander called, grabbing his clubs.

"Sure," he agreed.  They left and he saw the pout.  "Find my shoes while I get a pretty shirt on?"  She ran to do that.  He put up his book and notebook since he had been translating something in Xander's collection.  He put on his shoes and took her hand, taking her down to get the babyseat Xander had left.  They got a cab and went to the huge bookstore he loved.  It wasn't one of the name brand ones but it was a used bookstore and it had some really neat stuff in there.

"Oooohhhhhh," she said, looking around.  She stared at him.  "Books."

He grinned.  "That's right.  This is a bookstore.  I know you like to read so we should find you and Grandpa some."  The sales clerk smiled.  "I'm hellion sitting."

"I can tell."  She pointed.  "Baby books are that way.  Older toward the back.  What section for your father?"

"Paranormal, preferably in latin or something."

She looked at him.  "You're Sam Winchester."  He grinned and nodded.  "Third floor.  Don't let her drool on those."

"Thanks.  She likes to pet the books.  She's learning little words right now."  He took her to look at his books, finding a few pretty quickly then down to her section.  She liked to pet the big people books but hers got floated off the shelves and looked at.  He put most of them back and stacked the ones she liked.  The clerk was giving him a long stare.  He grinned.  "We know."  He put one back.

"You can have these."  She pouted.  He stared at her.  "I can't afford all those.  Here," he said, putting down the thirteen she had liked and two more he had thought looked interesting.  "Pick ten."  He held up ten fingers.  She started to grab them to hug.  He put down one finger for each one.  On the last one he put the others up.  "We can get those the next time we come in."  She pouted and reached, fussing a bit.  He stared at her.

"You can ask Grandpa.  He can get you those."  She grinned.  "You can ask him later."  She helped carry the books up to the register, and Sam had to put one of his back but she put in the ten cents he was short for tax.   They got a brownie to share from the bakery across the street then went back home.

"Books!" she yelled when she got in.

"Of course you went to get more books," John said from the couch.  He stared at her.  She climbed up into his lap, kissing him on the nose with a grin.  He grinned back.  "Thank you, Olivia."

"She wanted more than I had money for so I told her she had to ask you or Dean."  He smirked.

She stared at him.  "Books," she said with a point.  Sam handed over the ones for John, who laughed and nodded, taking her to a store he knew about.  They came back with Olivia dancing around with a plastic sword and crossbow, a foam staff, and two new books, plus a pretty gi.  Never too early to start with her.

Dean looked at them then at his father.  "Not even I got weapons that young, Dad."

He smirked.  "She should know how to use them since Xander has so many."

Dean pulled her up next to him and showed her how to fire the crossbow nerf dart at the tv.  "Do not fire it at the cats, Olivia.  We don't want to scare them.  All right?"  She waved her staff.  "No, those don't go near the cats.  Like the golf clubs, that could hurt them and then they'd have to go visit the vet's again."  She pouted but nodded.  "Good girl."  He hugged her and let her play on the patio area.  He closed the gate on the stairs so she couldn't sneak up too.  She was happily waving her staff until John got out there to teach her how to play with it, which she hated.  Of course.  Sam was snickering.  Dean was kicked back petting his cat while watching his father warp the next generation of hunter.

Willow faded in next to Dean.  "Wow, she's still really little," she said quietly.

"Disappear until she's taking a nap, Rosenburg," Sam hissed.  "You'll upset her."

She nodded and faded off.  She could check on Tara instead.   Then Xander, who was with someone she didn't know.  "Hi," she said to the guy staring at her.

Xander looked over then took his swing.  "Crap."

"Ghosts can be distracting I suppose," Peter said dryly.

"Hi, Wills.  How is it on that side?"

"Pretty darn boring actually."  She smiled.  "What was Olivia doing with John Winchester?  I didn't want her to learn how to hunt, Xander."

"She's magically active," he said dryly.  She slumped and muttered something.  He smirked.  "You can tell Daniel she's still making books read to her in his voice."  She sighed, looking at him.  "She uses it now and then to capture the cat when she's too lazy to chase them."  Peter snickered, he had seen that and then Dean swat her for it after rescuing his cat.  "John's jonsing for grandkids so he's helping me be a good uncle to her.  Beyond that, her favorite things are books so she's clearly your little girl."

"I guess that's fine."

"She's still getting self defense lessons.  I'll be damned if I'm going to leave her vulnerable.  Daniel agreed with me on that."

"I know.  I hated it but I know why."  She grimaced.  "Anyway, is she doing okay?"

"She's learned a few little words.  She'll point at them and say them, then look at you to teach her a new one.  She's like Giles and your kid together.  She's going to be a book nerd."

"Aww.  That's my girl."  She beamed.  "We're still working on it."

"She'll be three soon," he quipped back.

"Crap, it's been almost two years here."

"I noticed you're pregnant again."  She huffed but held her stomach.  "Is that good for it?"

"No."  She faded out, going back to her body.

Xander looked at him.  "Some day she'll figure out how to come back and then we'll have to learn to let Olivia go.  Tara's going to be heartbroken.  Me too but she'll probably go see a doc so I have someone new to fuss over."

Peter patted him on the arm.  "You'll still get to see her and it will take time to let her get used to her family again.  Especially if she has new siblings."  Xander nodded at that.   "Let's hunt your ball down.  Should take hours."  Xander sighed but hiked off to find it.  Peter shook his head.  Xander lived an insane life some days.  "Why was Paula warning me about movies?"

"Is something being made into one?" he called back.  They were pretty much alone out here.  "Fore."  He hit it back onto the course and followed it back.

"She thinks one may."

"That's going to be some interviews.  Dress nicely on the red carpet and don't freak out.  I can tell you who they sent me to."  He grinned.  "A few other interviews to hype the book and movie."

"I would like little attention.  It could cause problems."

"Then wear a disguise."  He grinned.  "Remember, sales are everything and especially for movies.  They're working on the script for the second DCIS movie."  He moaned, he had finally gotten to read those.  Xander beamed.  "I'll have a few more interviews, the red carpet that night."  They got into the cart and rolled off after their balls.  "We can probably help you figure out a decent disguise so no one knows you're you. Fake accent, temporary hair dye if we have to."

"Not a bad plan.  I did learn some of that but Lorne is better."

"We can ask him or whoever Rick knows that can do that."  He grinned.  "Beard?"

"I look silly."  He rolled his eyes but he was smiling.  "Mustaches grow faster."

"Yeah but they're nasty when you're kissing."

"True."   They found their balls and parked, getting out to hit it toward the green.  It wasn't that far away.  "You're swinging too hard," Peter chided when Xander took a practice swing.  He moved behind him to correct his swing, which was probably why Xander teased him with such bad shots sometimes.  It was nice though.  Very relaxing and calming with no one trying to attack.  Xander did wave at a group of demons playing a round but Peter could only stare at the eight-arm being using the club.  "He chips too deeply."

"He only took it up last year.  His wife said he needed a way to get out of the house because his retirement was driving her nuts."

"Is why I took up golf again," Peter admitted.  They got a drink and went to the next hole.  "Baby has weapons?"

"John probably got her some play ones.  John really wants a grandkid to warp into the future god of hunting."

"Ah.  You would not want one?"

"I'm kinda infertile as far as anyone can tell.  The mermaid taint nudged things just a bit too much in the wrong direction."  Peter stared at him.  Xander shrugged.  "Before Olivia I didn't really want kids.  I thought I'd be a crappy father and I'm pretty rotten but I try my best.  I don't ignore her half as much as I used to ignore the cats.  Before, I'd write eighteen, twenty hours a day and fall into an exhausted sleep."  He took his next shot then got out of the way.  "Thanks to her, the muses are picking more odd times but they work around her schedule somewhat.  She does make sure I eat more regularly though."

"I'm glad I do not have that blessing," he admitted.

Xander grinned.  "Special gifts for special people."  Peter smirked at him for that.  "I'm sure you have a few of your own."   He winked.  "I can name a few off the tip of my tongue."

"Tease," he taunted, then took his own shot, which went wide.  Xander was such a tease. They followed their balls.  "You never went to visit things?"

"Hardly ever unless Tara wanted to go out.  Tara used to have to remind me to eat when I got involved.  That's how I was knocking out hundred page days."  Peter shuddered.  "Yeah, often.  I only type forty-something words a minute so that was an all day event and then there was proofreading on top of that.  Which is another reason I kept an editor."

"Now the muses are less hyper than the baby?"

"Most of the time.  Those days, she'll wander around after the cats, come in to help me by cuddling to listen while I type since I can use a say-and-type system.  Paula said my editor was very amused at how often he had to take out 'Olivia, quit chasing the cats' from stuff."  Peter snickered, nodding he had heard it many times as well.  "I love the little hellion but my past dates weren't all that good to have around her and my life was insane.  The major vacation I took from writing was when Miss Kitty, the kittens' mother, was murdered by the Council.  We had to hand-raise the cats.  Six weeks of feeding eleven kittens every two hours."

"Now you have time to take vacation."

"Now and then."  He grinned.  "But that's also book signing trips.  Paid travel to go see things and work a few days during it for a few hours."

"That is nice," he agreed.  He looked at him.  "Stitches must come out soon."

"I pulled half of them earlier.  I'll get the rest tomorrow or let John pull them."

"Your doctor does not like stitches?"

"She hates me hunting and any strange things I get from it.  She threw an absolute Olivia-fit when some demons gave me a demon plague to try to get me to spread it around to start an apocalypse."

Peter shook his head quickly.  "That is bad."

"Yeah, kinda.  But Doctor Lam from the SGC is really nice.  And kinda pretty.  She lets me flirt when she comes to stick me with the huge needles."

Peter shook his head.  "I saw her on something.  She was."  He drove them off.  "How did you meet her?"

"She fixed my rib when I moved next to Jack."

"Ah."  He nodded.

"Also when I got back from DCIS, before the European trip, she took out all the little data devices the DCIS me there put on me for the Jack here so he had a head's up."

Peter shook his head.  "That is strange."

"Yeah but it was handy and it helped them a lot."

"Good.  I'd hate to see them lose."

"Well, then I'd probably call on my way to grab weapons," Xander admitted.  "Because that's close enough to demons."

"The US has a great military," Peter reminded him.

"Yeah, who freak the hell out at demons or aliens.  Didn't read the Washington Post today?  They're trying to get two SGC boys out of the Marines for being SGC.  Said it's against the rules and they were part of a militia based force that was causing problems for the US and declared war without Congressional approval.  I sent Jack flowers in sympathy for the headache and candy to help his stomach."

"Was nice of you.  I hadn't read it yet."  He smiled.  "You routinely read that one?"  Xander blushed but shook his head.  Peter smirked.  "Is charming color on you."  He parked and they got out to find their balls.

"Yes, but Paula told me I was not to wear anything that would make people speculate.   That's why I mostly gave up my goofy t-shirt habit."

Peter snickered, shaking his head.  "You look adorable and young in them."   He hit his ball and it mostly where he wanted.  A bit too far.  Xander's went where he aimed it so that was good.  They had to hike to them this time.  Which neither minded.  They came back once they had sank their putts and got in to drive off again once their clubs were up.  On the way home, Peter treated to a quiet lunch without little fingers trying to help him eat his lettuce.  "Who taught her about vegetables?"

"Tara."  He gave him a look.  "I taught her about twinkies so Auntie Tara taught her about salads.  Though she really only likes ranch dressing outside the stuff she steals from your sandwiches."

"I was using the Caesar dressing," he admitted.

"So similar but a bit sharper taste.  Auntie Tara taught her about rhubarb pie too.  She came home puckering but wanting more."

"Kids seem to like sour things.  There's much of it on the market."  Xander nodded he liked them too.  They finished up and avoided the nosy reporter type for the most part.  They may get one picture but it was from behind.  Peter looked at him in the car.  "Do they always stalk?"

"Yes.  I'm usually incidental.  When we walked past the coffee shop I saw someone on Broadway getting their caffeine fix.  Rick gets photogs that hunt him.  It comes with so many higher selling books.  Thankfully I'm a humble fantasy author."  He grinned.  Then he snapped his fingers.  "I have to put up more of that fantasy porn story today."

"What?" Peter asked, giving him a sideways look.

"It's very far past Anne Rice-y fantasy novel porn.  Unfortunately it's kinda necessary to the plot line and Paula said she could not and would not publish it so I'm putting it up gradually on my site."

"Ah.  Is good?"

"Is making many people moan and if I put up two today, because the first has only a long tease, then I might even get candy from the fan club."  He grinned. "Definitely if I put up three since the major plot porn device is in that one."  Peter shivered.  "There's four books now and I'm slowly putting up the second one."

"I should read those," he teased.

Xander blushed and ducked his head.  "I'm not that wild.  I think that was the last muse fit I had."

"Hmm.  Still, sounds interesting.  Much nicer than guns."

"Oh, I don't know, I've used gun cleaning as foreplay before."

"In a story?" he teased.

"That too.  When you date an arms dealer...."

"Good point."  He patted his knee.  "We will go home and read?  I could use a proofreader."

"Sure."  Xander beamed.  "I'm not sure how good I'll be at it since Donny, my editor, says I have sucky grammar and so does Rick."

"I more need flow and continuity."

"I can definitely do that then."  They parked and went upstairs.  Xander looked at John trying to make her use the staff the right way.  "Be Xena, 'Liv."  She let out a squeal for a battle yell then attacked him to tickle him and beat him with it.  Peter and Dean cackled because she did knock John down.  "Good job!"

"She'll be a well rounded geek some year very soon," Dean teased.  He grabbed her when she walked past to hug her.  "Good job getting Dad, Olivia."  She beamed and kissed him, petting his cat.  Xander and Peter sat down to read things.  She climbed into Peter's lap, making him blush.  "I don't think that's an Olivia book."

"No, is not."

"But I have two Olivia books," Sam said, waving them.  She got them from him but he stole her to read outside with John.  "Did you feed her sugar, Dad?"

"One small thing that she begged for."

"Teach her to use the sauna," Xander called as he read.

"Why?" John asked.

"So she learns how to get warm this winter.  It'll be her first winter."

"We can do that later."  They came in and shut the door after doing a furry nose count.  Olivia pounced him when he went into the kitchen so he got her a snack she went to share with Dean.  "Boys, some day I want one of those for real."

"Sure, Dad, we'll find nice chicks and settle down," Dean agreed dryly.

"Sorry, Dad, it'll have to be more than a ten minute thing before I knock someone up," Sam said.

"I'm still infertile but ask Tara," Xander quipped.

"Why?" Sam asked.

"Mermaid."

"Never mind."

Peter grinned.  "Was confusing to me."

Sam nodded.  "Sunnydale gives every hunter headaches, even that one."  Xander nodded.  "Did Doctor Lam like weeding the hellmouth taint out of you?"

"She didn't get too much but yeah, probably."

"Taint?" Peter asked.

"A hellmouth is a thin place between realms," Xander told him, getting a slow nod back.  "It leaks energy, which draws demons."  That got a faster nod.  "I grew up within two blocks of it and the high school was directly overtop of it.  We used to research in the library that held the portal under the floor."

Peter looked at him.  "Would that be like radiation?"

"Not passable but everyone thinks that's why I draw bad girls."  He shrugged and grinned.  "I think it's my charming nature, my oral skills, and my love of weapons."  Peter snickered, shaking his head.  "Other than that, I wear a shield all the time to make sure that none of it leaks out because it can warp x-rays."  He held up that necklace.  "Olivia had some too because her mom went up there to remember a few times."

"Plus a lot of other magic from Willow blipping around the US," Dean agreed.  Xander nodded.  "Thankfully Tara's a true white witch and can help her learn control and how to not use it."

"Has Paula told you to put the first chapter into flashbacks instead?" Xander asked.  Peter nodded.  "She did that to me too."

"I have no idea how."

"You have him thinking about to where all this started."  Xander grinned.  "Looking back when meeting a new mentor maybe."  Peter nodded at that advice.  He was still reading.  Xander let the book suck him in.  It was a very good book.  The cats got absently petted and so did Olivia when she crawled in beside him.  She napped against his side so it was all right.  Even if John and Sam took pictures.

***

That night, Xander pounced Peter on the bed.  "Easy," he said, putting down Xander's laptop.  "Let me put that down before I break it and must buy you a new one."  He took a kiss.  Then he grinned.  "I take it you like?"

"I like very much."  He said something filthy in Russian.

"Hmm, very interesting idea but your accent sucks.  You pick up languages very well."  He said something back, making the younger man moan and shiver.  "Tonight?" he teased with an evil smirk.

"Unless you're into role play," Xander teased back.

"Not my sort of make believe."  Xander pounced again.  He said something and Shank shivered, stripping off his shirt.  "Sometimes I think you only like me because my accent and guns," he teased.

"The golf thing's really hot too," Xander teased back with an evil smirk of his own.  Peter laughed and they got happy and loud together.

John looked down from the library, shaking his head.  He went into Olivia's room to turn on her white noise generator.  She didn't need to hear her uncle having sex in Russian.  She was too young to hear anyone having any sort of sex.

***

Sam grinned at them when they came down for breakfast.  "What does that phrase mean?"  He repeated what he had heard.  Xander whispered it in his ear, making him and Peter blush.  "Okay then."  He ducked his head.  "Just remember, we'll kill you if you hurt him," he told Peter.  "Otherwise, we're all happy he finally found someone who's not on a list in Homeland somewhere."

"I may be but it was from former job."  Peter shrugged.  Xander smirked at him.  "He is on two.  Former director liked to make lists."

"Guys, Tara already promised to make him a pretty goldfish for Olivia," Xander said.

Sam grinned.  "Friends give the shovel talk," Peter reminded him.  "Mine has."

"True."  He took a kiss.

"Me!" Olivia demanded.  They both kissed her on the head, making her smile around her overly buttery toast.  She ate another bite and tried to feed Dean it.

"I need a big girl who's as good to me as you are, sweetheart," he said, eating a tiny bite then handing it back.  She pouted.  He ate a real bite then she finished it with a grin.  "I think Auntie Tara did a fantastic job teaching you to share and fuss, Olivia."

John came in from outside.  "Xander, I turned on Olivia's white noise generator."  He stared at them.  "She's too young to hear it no matter who's doing it."

"Gee, Dean, did you get noisy?" Sam asked him.  Dean punched him on the arm.

"Boys," John complained.  "Though, Sam, you did."  Sam shrugged and grinned. He rolled his eyes.  "You two are worse than I ever was."

"No brother to pick on you?" Xander taunted with a grin.

"Not that way.  My father would've killed us both if I picked on a sibling like they do."

"At least the incest speculation has stopped again," Xander quipped.  Peter choked.  Xander patted him on the back.  "The reporters wondered for weeks if they sought refuge with someone who understood what they were going through that way."

"Then I started to date and Dean got a lot of watching," Sam quipped with a smirk for his big brother.

"They caught me hunting at the club and focused on my fantastic ass, nerd.  Which they'll never do for you because yours is flat and useless in a club to get you laid."

"Enough," John ordered.

"Or hey, maybe some girl will want to kidnap you and feed you properly so you gain some booty."

"Boys!" John snapped.

Olivia swatted him with a scowl.  "Sit in corner!" she said with a point.  John scowled at her.  She scowled back.  "You, bad.  Sit in corner!"  She stomped a foot.  Dean and Sam were howling with laughter.

"Let him eat first then he'll have a time out to read to you, 'Liv," Xander said through his snickering.

"Did she just...." John asked.  Everyone smiled and nodded at him.  He scowled at her. "I'm the adult; I punish you, not the other way around, Olivia Marie Rosenburg."

"'Liv, want some toast?" Sam asked.  She beamed and took it from him.  "You're welcome."

"Thank you!" she chirped, taking a bite.  She looked at John then pointed again.  "You!"

"No.  You!"  He pointed.

"No," Xander ordered calmly.  "She told a few people at the police station that too."  Dean burst out laughing again.  "John, sit and eat.  'Liv, only I can tell people to sit in the corner."  He huffed but sat down.  "She's too young to understand that, John.  All she knew was that you were getting pissed off and yelling like that is bad."  He stared at him.

"Fine.  Even if she is very mouthy."  She gave him a buttery kiss on the cheek then chased off after the Homer cat.

"Olivia," Xander warned.  She pouted but came back to sit down with them.  "Thank you.  Did you get any fruit or did Uncle Dean and Sam feed you sugary cereal?"

"You're out of fruit," Dean said.

"For some reason she's fixated on the canned stuff."  He pulled some down and poured it into a bowl for her, letting her nibble with her fingers.

"I guess it tastes like baby food and it's baby sized," Dean said with a shrug.  "It's fruit even if it does have a sugary syrup."

"I buy the low sugar stuff."  He handed Peter a plate with a grin and a kiss.

"Eat," Olivia ordered.  "Not," she made a kissing noise.

"Are you your mother?" Xander asked her.  She blinked and then suddenly shook her head.  John and Sam got up to grab what they'd need to do the exorcism.

"It is very interesting breakfast rituals we have," Peter joked to Dean when he sat down.

"Some mornings, yeah."

Olivia got free and ran off with a cackle but Xander caught her and handed her back.  "No!  Pretty!"

"I won't mess up your prettiness," Sam assured her.  "Even if the dress gets a bit damp we'll find you something more pretty."  She beamed and let them do whatever they wanted to do.  She chirped the words she could say in Latin back.  Finally the one watching from her head left.  She looked at herself then pouted.  Sam took her up to get her dressed.  She liked that and came down in something even more pretty, showing it to Dean, who patted her on the head and Peter, who praised it.   She ran to the tv and patted it until it came on.  She had no idea why it came on but it always did when she patted that spot.  Then she could dance to the music.

"Why is she club dancing?" Sam asked.

"Auntie Buffy taught her," Xander said dryly.  "And she keeps finding MTV2."  He ate a bite.  "Quit dancing like your aunt," he called.  She twirled around instead.  "Thank you."  He shook his head, eating another bite.  Peter was staring at him.  "I nearly started to booty pop thanks to Buffy.  She got infected before she was born because Willow can't dance.  Neither can Daniel."

Peter nodded once.  "We should go see that."  Xander beamed at him.  Tara came off the elevator looking pissed off.  "Should we shoot someone for you?"

"No.  Well, yes, but I'm suspended because the bitch who came at me with a knife is now a kitty."  She took Olivia to cuddle.  "You look very pretty," she praised when Olivia pointed at her dress.  She sat down to change the music station to something quieter and cuddle her.

"Why did someone try to attack you?" Xander asked casually.

"One of those two nuns.  I handed the kitty to Father Morgan's coworker."

Xander grinned.  "Good.  I told the Archbishop that he should let Father Morgan beat them both."  He ate another bite.

"Why were you talking with the Archbishop?" Sam asked.

Xander grinned.  "He and mayor wanted to find out how to find the dangerous demons that would cause the city problems before they did."

"Ask the Council," Dean said.

"That's what I said."

Peter nodded.  "They seem to unless they are political or higher up."  He ate another bite.  Olivia came back and stared at him.  He fed her a bite from his fork, making her look confused.  "You need to learn how to use so you have table manners."  He handed her a spoon.  She tasted it like she would ice cream.  "Good start."  Xander pulled her into his lap to show her.  She beamed at how much more she could get into her mouth at once without getting it on her clothes.  That worked well for her prettiness factor.  Then he let her go show Tara her new books.

She climbed up into Tara's lap.  "Me," she said, pointing at a word.

"Close."  She smiled.  "That's 'me' plus a 't'."  She pointed at it.  "That means it's met instead of me."  She looked confused.  She found that word.  "See, that's 'me'."  Olivia beamed and nodded.  She turned back.  "That's only part 'me'."  Olivia looked awed.  "That's a big word, yes."  She smiled.  "You'll learn those soon too."

Olivia looked then at her.  "Me?"

"Met."

"Met?"

Tara nodded and showed her more tiny words.  "And."

Olivia looked.  "And?"

"That's right.  And.  And.  And," she said, finding a few more.  "This one likes run on sentences."

"She picked them out by floating her choices," Sam said dryly.

"She usually does.  I accidentally left her alone with the kids books while I helped a grandmother find something for her granddaughter.  I came back to find her floating the books out to stack them by color."

"That's advanced," John praised.  Tara smiled.  "Did she get it right?"

"Mostly.  She gets pink and purple confused and pink and red.  She's not real into shades of colors either."

"Most kids would like the primary and secondary colors instead of the shades and mauve half-shades," Sam agreed.

Someone rang the bell and John got up to answer the summons.  "Yes?"

"Is this not Harris's immoral house?" the voice said.

"Yes, Father Morgan."  He went down to let him in and bring him up.  Xander waved since he was chewing.

"Tara, there you are.  I was worried that you had stomped off to get the other one."

She looked at him.  "She tries to stab me and I will."  She went back to teaching Olivia words.  "Do you need me to change her back?"

"No, I managed that.  She tried to stab you?"

"Yup.  Rushed into the library with a knife.  My boss was horrified both by the new kitten and why she did it."

"I can understand why she was suddenly a very attractive tabby."  He grimaced.  "I knew we had problems with those two."

"Ya think since they tried to break in and kill everything in a demon nursery?" Xander asked.  "I was going to ask you to beat their asses too or ship them to Sister Rosemary."

Father Morgan shuddered.  "I talked to her.  She's very interesting and has found quite a home in our faith.  She's very content."  Xander grinned.  "She said you two had mended fences."  Xander nodded, eating a bite.

"I didn't know you and Anya were still writing," John said.  Xander nodded with a smirk.

"I'll talk to those two nuns for you, Tara, and I'm sure she'd be sorry."

Tara looked at him.  "I'm usually non-violent.  I'll make an exception."  Olivia poked her.  "Did you poke me?" she asked with a smile.  Olivia poked her again and pointed at the book so she went back to reading to her.

"This morning she tried to sit me in the corner," John said.

Tara cackled, hugging her.  "You're so great, 'Liv."

"She was a bit possessed too," Dean noted.  "Dad and Sammy got it out."  Father Morgan beamed at John for not making more work for him.  "Anyway, Father, what else is up beyond the racist nuns?"

"I wanted to know what had happened and if Tara was all right."  Tara nodded.  "You're off work?"

"I'm suspended for a week for turning her into that very pretty tabby."  She smiled.  "I was thanked for not spilling blood though."

"Next time, paddle her, Tara.  I'll talk with them both."  Xander got up and got a letter, handing it over.  "The monthly one from upstate?"

"There's another one of your order in Florida that hates me," Xander said dryly.  "The monthly one I handed to the Archbishop."

Father Morgan shook his head.  "Yes, I heard that they talked to you and now he's praying for you to become normal.  Hopefully with a nice wife."

"Still infertile," Xander said dryly.  "And."  He glanced at Peter, who shrugged and kissed him.  Xander grinned at him.  "And I'm kinda seeing someone at the moment.  Though it's up to him about whether or not I get his phone number."

Peter smirked.  "We'll see later."  Xander leered.  He said something in Russian and Father Morgan blushed and ducked his head.  Xander said something in Italian.  Peter choked and nodded.  "Golf?" Peter suggested.

"Golf's great but it's pretty windy.  Can we play when it's windy?"

"We can.  We just have to plan our shots better than you usually do."

"I can do that."  Olivia looked over Tara's shoulder.

"You're going to come help me grocery shop," Tara said.  "Uncle Xander can have you back later, after he goes to have a long walk with weapons."

"No guns allowed on the golf course," Peter and Xander said in unison.

Father Morgan shook his head.  "I don't want to know.  I don't need to know.  Tara, I'll talk to them."  He left, shaking his head most of the way back to talk to the nuns.  He pulled in their mother superior as well.  That way they could all yell.

***

Xander looked up from the twelfth hole at a yell.  He sighed.  Peter looked then took his shot, shaking his head.  "Want that one?" he asked.

"No."

Xander stared at the screaming nun with a knife.  "Are you mentally deficient?" he demanded when she got close enough.  Golf course security was rushing after her.  Xander tapped his fingers on his hips.  He knocked her off her feet and onto her back, hand on her throat as he started an exorcism ritual.  She started out cackling but then ended up screaming and kicking to get free.  Strangely enough the slight taint came out but not that much.  Xander stared at her.  He said something very quietly in Latin, making her shudder.  "Am I clear?" he asked more calmly.  She whimpered.

"You touch Tara or myself or my niece, anyone I protect, and I will send you to my hellmouth.  And then into it."  She nodded, still sobbing.  He got up and hauled her up, handing her to the security guys.  "There's a priest in Manhattan named Father Morgan.  He needs to get her, guys."  He let them get the knife.   He stared at her.  "Is your anti-Catholic fit done?"  She sobbed on one of them.  He looked at the security guys.  "One of her group tried to attack Tara earlier at the library.  She's no longer a cat."  He grinned.

"That's very reasonable of you, Mr. Harris.  Thank you for being peaceful so we didn't have to dig up the sod or anything."  They walked her off.

Xander looked at Peter, who shrugged.  "You do what you must to protect those important to you."

Xander grinned.  "I am pretty badass at it when I have to be."  He looked at the field in front of him.  "Where did I hit my ball?"  Peter pointed.  "Let's go."  They walked off.  They left the cart there and would walk back to it.  "I need to go to the gym later this week.  Want to come?"

"I could, yes."  He looked at him.  "You do gym time?"

"I have to stay pretty for the interviews."  He smirked. "The reporters get mean if I don't. And I do range time every Saturday morning.  Tara has that day off so they go shopping for girl things."

"She does wonderful making her look very girlish."  Peter found his ball and set up his shot, taking it, looking at Xander, who was blatantly staring at his ass.  "My swing is off?" he teased with a grin.

"Slightly.  You went left instead of right."  He looked then nodded he had.  Xander got his and took his shot.  "I still suck at geometry.  That's why I can't play pool either, no matter how often Dean tried to teach me to hustle it like they do."

"I will remember that in case they ever challenge me."   Xander waved at someone.  "We know them?"

"They run the golf shop.  He's the guy that helped me find my clubs."

"He did nice job."  He followed his ball.

Xander paused when he saw the man stomping over.  "We need the walking so we'll walk back to it and ride to the next hole."

The golf pro huffed.  "It's not seemly.  We like people to ride because they can't get into trouble."

"Like the drunk guy that drove into the lake?"

"Good point.  Still."

"We ride between holes.  We need the exercise.  Or else I'd be in the gym."

"Fine."  He walked off shaking his head.

Xander followed Peter.  Who was snickering quietly.  Xander grinned.  "Like that teeny, tiny golf cart would be a deterrent to someone with smut on their mind.  Please!  One of mine wanted me to have sex on his motorcycle."  He heard Peter giggling and grinned.  "I turned him down.  I didn't want to ride down the interstate that way.  The tickets would suck."  Peter burst out cackling and walked off shaking his head.  "Seriously.  And it being the CHP there, who knows what they would've wanted to do with the enhanced pat downs."

Peter smiled at him.  "You are naughty today."

"That's because I have to go do an interview later."  Peter nodded he had seen that on his schedule.  And the note that Paula had sent saying that Xander had to make it to those events.

***

Xander let the production assistant mic him and looked at the reporter.  "Hi again."

"Alexian," she said, shaking his hand with a smile.  "I hope this time's going to be a bit nicer and easier going, even though I'm going to ask you about a rumor or two I've heard."

"My publisher told me about the crackhead who was complaining that her twelve-year-old was on my site."  He grinned.  "Got a computer?"

"Sure," she said, having one brought out and hooked up.

He had to call Sam to get his official web address.  "I have it bookmarked," he quipped.  The tape was rolling.  They could edit by cutting and pasting.  "This is my official site.  If you aren't signed in as a member, you shouldn't even be able to see the story she was complaining about.  And by the way, why wasn't she watching her twelve-year-old daughter while she was online?  I'd be in the same room as Olivia at the very least and making sure it wasn't something she shouldn't get into."

"Some parents do," she admitted.  "Twelve is one of those iffy ages.  Some kids can handle things and some can't."

"In this case I think it was the parent who couldn't."  He got into the actual address for the story.  "This is the index page for the story itself.  As you can see, it pops up with a large 'members only' area and asks you to sign in or sign up.  If you sign up and you manage to somehow avoid the age box, which admittedly is only asking for which year you were born, there's another one."  He signed himself in.  "This is the trial identity that we used to test all that."  She nodded.

"Most members, outside a few gifted ones, have this page pop up next for this story.  It would usually lead you back to a series page if there was more than one series but right now it's only this one.  As you can see, the warning says this series contains graphic scenes of sex, psychological manipulation, blood play, and issues that come with vampirism in 20 point font.  She still had to click on the 'I'm of age and know that I'll be reading graphic content' box," he said, doing that, "to even get to the story."

"That is a lot of warnings she had to bypass and agree that she was of age to," the reporter said with a smile for him.

"Some members said I overwarned.  I pointed out I didn't want this sort of situation to happen when some kid stumbled upon it looking for more Tral or something. I'm well aware my muses went on a 'I can't sleep' fit those nights and that my publisher said that they're too graphic and unable to be trimmed back to publishable standards.  They're meant as a treat to my older fans, those who are adult themselves.  Frankly, one sends me peppermints when I put up a lot."  He smiled.  "It's not *my* fault she wasn't watching her daughter lie about her age."

"No, and if it was my daughter and I caught her reading this, she'd be grounded.  I wouldn't be going on tv to complain about the author writing it," she said.

Xander shrugged.  "I'm guessing that's one of those 'it's never my fault' things," he mimicked.  "Beyond that, how did she even find out about it? I had my webgoddess look over the membership to the site.  She used someone else's name to sign up because the mother's name isn't on there.  Her daughter's name isn't on there.  If I could find her, I'd banish her."

"I think you're usually very reasonable about all that," she assured him, patting him on the hand.  "New books soon?"

He gave her a shy grin.  "Two?  Next month I've got one sci-fi and one fantasy one."

She grinned.  "I got a preview copy of the sci-fi one.  I borrowed it from a book reporter I know."  He grinned and rocked a bit on his feet.  "That's really sucking you in and I have no idea what it's about by the end of the first chapter."

He cackled.  "It's ... well, it's all going on in the girl's head.  I don't want to spoil anything but it's not her imagination, just inside her head.  That was one of the toughest things I've ever written because usually I can switch POV but I couldn't there.  I had a lot of things I wanted to put in but couldn't because of that."

"I bet."  She grinned.  "I'm hearing new DCIS movie rumors?"

"I'm hearing the same but no one's said anything to me officially yet.  If so you know I'd squeal and load me and the niece up on sugar to bounce around the park for a week."

She giggled.  "I remember the last one."  He beamed.  "I'm also hearing dating rumors?"

"I'm...  Well, I have went to dinner a few times with someone very nice.  A lot nicer than most of my usual ones.  They actually went on a rampage to get us apart or to kidnap me before I decided he was a nice guy."

"Anything you want to share?"

"No.  He's a very private guy and we're taking things kind of casually at the moment.  Though Olivia loves him.  We've all been teaching her new words.  She'll get one of her books, sit in his lap, and point at the words she knows, telling them to him."

She beamed.  "That's fantastic at her age.  Mine I was working on potty training."

"No, we're still working on that," he sighed.  "Reading is coming easier than big girl panties for her."  He leaned closer.  "She got upset at John yelling at his boys the other day and told him to go sit in the corner."  She cackled, swatting him and shaking her head.  He grinned.  "I have a great niece."

"You do," she agreed, smiling at him.  "Thank you for showing up to defend yourself again and to show us how hard the young woman had to work."  She shook his hand.

"Cut," the director called.

Xander took off his microphone. "I'd appreciate you guys leaving him alone," he said quietly.

"Not out?"

"He's legal but think about my taste in past dates."

She shook her head quickly.  "So someone might find out and kill him or you?"

"Yeah.  Especially that one nun."  He shook his head.  "But he has taught me golf."

"Aww."  She beamed.  He grinned back.  "Is he good?"

"He's very good, very hot, and has an accent," he said with a hiss and moan.  "Oh, that man."

She blushed but swatted him again. "I'm glad this one won't need to be arrested by Rick Castle's friendly detective."

"She's only met him once and then ignored the time she accidentally came out of the elevator to find us swimming."

She blushed.  "I would too."  He winked and walked off.  She looked at one of the field reporters.  "Any idea?"

"Two.  He's Russian.  He's pretty, and I think Paula has met him," she said.

"Interesting.  Shy?"

"With his past dates being people like arms dealers and assassins?  I'm guessing he's probably going to be camera shy forever."

"Probably, yeah."  She shut down the laptop and handed it back.  "Did we get all that?"  They nodded.  "If it was my kid, I wouldn't whine to the author, I'd beat her butt."  They all nodded.

***

Xander walked up to his publisher's house, where the idiot mother was protesting.  "What makes you think it's my fault you didn't raise your daughter not to lie about her age?" he asked.  A few people gasped.  "By the way, making a spectacle of your lack of parenting skills has gotten me some new readers, so thank you."

He stared at her.  "She had to not only lie about her year of birth to sign up, she had to lie about being above the age of consent on a second page, and then there's a huge, graphic warning in very blunt language telling her that those stories aren't for lying teenagers.  If I was you, I'd invest in a kid monitoring and filtering program."  She took a swing at him and he moved.  "Do you feel better?  Because your spectacle just got bigger."

He stared at her.  "I'm not going to let you trash me for putting out four whole adult books within a library of over sixty. Yay, I wrote graphic sex and things for four whole books.  Hell, even the stuff in the hunter series is veiled euphoniums.  I had people who rate things look at it and call them tame PG-13.  I made sure they got a rating."

He stared her down.  "It's not my fault your daughter lied and you caught her lying.  Are you going to have the same reaction when she drinks for the first time?  Or go picket her boyfriend's house the first time she has sex?"  He looked around then at her.  "For right now, you're blocking a place of business and pushing my publisher's blood pressure up enough so she wants to come out here and lay out reality for you so you can hop into it with the rest of us.

"Your daughter lied to get to it and that's not my fault," he said when she sneered. "That's your fault."  She hit him with her picket sign.  Which he ripped out of her hands and tossed in the street.  "Want to go to jail?"  She stomped off.  The rest huffed off too.  He waved.  "Have a better day, people, and please do an enema, it'll make you feel better to take a shit."  A few gasped but the rest just huffed.  He touched the bleeding cut and walked into the office.  "Got some paper towels?"

"Yes.  Did you have to bait her?"

"Yup.  Showed how stupid she was."

She blotted the small injury.  "Any chance of concussion?"

"No."

"You're counter-suing her."

"That's fine."

She dabbed at the spot, shaking her head. "I'm having someone arrest her."

"Then her kid goes in the system.  It won't do them any good.  It'll make me look vindictive.  No we won't.  Though we can send a nice legal letter saying that at this time I'm choosing not to have her arrested for her assault because I'd hate to send her child to foster care.  It can go with the nice letter about the counter suit."

"That's evil.  I'll have the lawyer write one."  She sent that email and came back to look at the injury.  "Are you sure that's fine?"

"It's fine.  Head injuries bleed a lot and do absolutely nothing but bruise."  She sighed but nodded, sitting down.  "You wanted me in today for some other reason?"

"Prenup."

"We're nowhere near that stage.  He's still got people who might come after him so I can't even have his phone number yet."

"Damn."

"When and if we get there, some year far from now, of course."

She smiled.  "Thank you for being reasonable.  Rick went through hell with his first divorce."

"Unlike Rick, I know what deadly bitches some women can be," he said dryly.

"Good point."  She checked his cut again.  "It might need stitched, Xander."

"I'm heading home.  John can do it for me.  By the way, the news crew caught it."

"Good!"  She called the lawyer to have him subpoena a copy.  She called John to come get him too.  He, smart ass that he is, sent Peter.  "He said John could do his stitches," she said with a smile, taking the envelope from him.

Peter tipped Xander's face up.  "Only needs two steristrips."

"I haven't looked yet," Xander said with a small shrug.  "The stupid bitch did it."

"It was on news."  He smirked.  "You should tell Beckett if she's to be arrested.  She called and asked."

Paula called her.  "We're counter-suing that mother and Xander thinks having her arrested will look vindictive.  So we're sending a legal note of hatred instead."  She smiled.  "Peter said that he needs two steristrips.  Thank you, Beckett.  I do worry about that goofball."  She listened to Rick say something in the background.  "I'm still owed that last book.  No, it never got here."  She hung up on his assurance he'd track it.  "He messengered it because he was coming in for a case.  It better not have leaked."

Xander shrugged.  "One of mine did."

"True."  She stared at them.  "Xander, reduce your output again."  Peter cackled, shaking his head.

"I haven't done more than proofread in four days, and most of that was for him."

"Excellent!  Because I've got twenty-six books backlogged."

"You've had most of them for a while now," he said dryly.

She stared at him.  "No more Tral."  He shrugged.  "No more hunting series."

"I'm laying hints about visions."

"Crap."

"Sorry.  I can put those up on the site."  She beamed and nodded, handing him two.  "Fine."

"Thank you, Xander."  She looked at Peter.  "Your output level is fine.  It's a good, healthy thing.  Unlike Xander's where he can do five hundred pages in a week."

"Only twice since I got Olivia," Xander pointed out.

"Good!"  He smirked at her.  "How is she handling fall?"

"She still wants to go swim but most mornings our stretches end in a run to hide under a blanket for her.  Tara's gotten her tights and leggings for the winter."

"She did look adorable this morning but a bit formal," Peter admitted.

"That was her picking out her dress and John not saying no," Xander said dryly.  He smiled at him.  "He's having normal guy feeling and granddad feelings at the same time.  It's driving Dean nuts because he's not ready to settle down yet."  Tara walked in with the baby.  "Problems?"

"Doctor's."  She let Olivia down after looking around.  Olivia  hugged Paula, who hugged back, then Peter, then Xander, then went to watch the fish tank screen saver again.  She even got up on his desk to turn on his monitor to see where it was but Tara swatted her gently and got her down.  "You do not touch people's desks.  You can watch their screensavers but you don't turn on their computers."  Olivia pouted.

"I agree," Xander said.  He looked at Tara.  "Since I know she didn't have a doctor's appointment, anything I should know?"

She blushed, ducking her head and shrugging a bit.  "I...  I have baby envy," she sighed, sitting down.

Xander grinned.  "I'll be the best spoiling uncle, just like I am to her," he said happily.

"I haven't decided yet but he thinks I didn't take too many problems from the hellmouth.  So it might be okay.  There's a lot of options these days."

"Or you could find a gay male friend and use a turkey baster," he said dryly.

"True, I'm considering my options."

"I'm still infertile.  I had someone check last year when one of the bad girls society tried to claim I was the father of her child.  The doc said there's no way I'm putting out working swimmers and did the paternity test once she had it.  It's Bryce's."

"He spawned?  Eww," she said.

"With Marigold."

Peter cleared his throat.  "Bryce....  The assassin?"

Xander nodded.  "He wanted a lot but he was way too mean for my tastes.  And weird.  We had a dinner and he wanted more but I said hell no and walked off.  That was right before the European trip.  Marigold I met right after it.  She worked for some dictator wannabe."

"I know of her.  I know who wanted to kill her but wouldn't because she was pregnant.  I thought Bryce was snipped and sick."

"Possibly," Xander said.  "I wouldn't touch him with someone else's ten foot pole."  Peter grinned at him.  He looked at Paula.  "When are you going to put out that new series?"

"Next year."

He rolled his eyes but nodded.  She smirked.  "Fine."

"Something new for summer.  I've got some people looking at it.  By the way, some underground director liked the porn with a plot you wrote.  He contacted me about optioning the rights.  I gave him the standard 'stay true to the book' clause and the rates."  Xander nodded with a grin.  "But I'm not sure if he has a shot in hell of doing more than a low budget adaptation."

"Some of those can be good," Tara pointed out.

Xander grinned.  "Someone put up a bit that some college kids used to audition with."  She beamed at him.

Paula got into the site, finding that video in the restricted section.  She watched it, nodding.  "She's not bad.  He's rotten though."  Xander nodded he agreed and pointed.  She went back to watching.  The third of their little group came in and she shivered.  "He's good.  I know a few agents who like that book too."

"I know someone who lives that sort of desire and suggested it to him.  He said it was a playful read but he was much more hardcore."  Peter shrugged.  Xander hugged him.  Peter grinned at him.  "You're welcome."

"Did he get to .... no, I haven't put up chapter five have I?"

"It says it's going up today," Paula said.  "Apparently you had a formatting problem again."

"He might like that one more."  Peter patted him and he let go with an evil smirk. Olivia came over to stare up at Peter.

"Puppy sit," she said.  "Pretty," she said playing with her dress and pointing at Paula.  "Money lady."

"Yes, we are both listening to the money lady and you are quite pretty enough to sit and stare at."  She beamed and bounced off to babble at Tara again.

"How on earth am I raising Buffy?" Xander muttered.  Tara cracked up, hugging Olivia but shaking her head.

"John got her things for self defense," Peter reminded him.  "She will do more than be pretty and read a lot."  Paula was snickering too.  "Olivia, show her your words?"  She came over to climb up in Paula's lap, which she allowed.  She found them and said them, smiling at her.

Paula smiled and hugged her.  "You're brilliant, Olivia.  Good job."  She handed her the hershey's kiss from her hidden bag of treats.  Olivia beamed and let Tara unwrap it for her so she could eat it.  She sucked on it and moaned.  "Xander!" Paula complained.

"She likes chocolate.  I never give her any because she bounces more than I used to."

"Used to?" Tara asked with a grin.  "Still do."

"If there's a second DCIS movie, we're going to the park with a ton of candy and donuts."

"Donuts?" Olivia asked, her head popping up.  She looked at her uncle.  "Donuts?"

"Sure, we'll get you some baby donuts."  Tara moaned and whimpered. "She likes the glazed donut holes.  She knows she can have two."

"Uh-huh.  That's your limit too," Tara shot back.

Peter snickered.  "I'm sure they will wear it out as we are going to gym later."

Paula looked at Xander then at him.  "You both look fit but I know Xander has to stay in shape."  Xander nodded.  "The nun that tried to attack you?"  Tara waved a hand.  "No, he had one on the golf course."

"The other one," Xander said dryly.  "I had the guards have her handed to Father Morgan."

"Good!"  She smiled.  "By the way, you do still have a membership at the other place."

"Which is kinda full of snobs," he pointed out.

"Yes it is."

"I inherited it.  I doubt they'd take me without that."

"You meet their income criteria," she said dryly.  "You're paying dues."

"I have a year to decide if I'm keeping it.  They'd hate me being me, Paula.  The only one I'd belong to around here is still full of snooty people but Rick says it's nice."

"They're on the verge of bankruptcy unfortunately."  He nodded he had heard that.  "Are you going to give it up?"

"Probably.  It's just not my sort of people."

"Which one?" Tara asked.

"Holly Haven."

"She shuddered.  "Lots and lots of right wing snotty people who hate libraries and books."

Xander nodded.  "Which is why I didn't think awfully hard about keeping it.  I've got the letter drafted, and it's polite, but I haven't sent it yet."

"We can do that when we get home," Tara said.

"I know three people who go there.  I tried to kill one repeatedly."  Peter shook his head.  Paula stared at him.  He grinned.  "That happens."

"It does," she agreed.  "Are they sane?"

"Mostly.  Former agents with wives."  He called Lorne, who called them and they invited him out for a round.  "We will formally check it, as is proper, then hand in letter.  That means we cannot be driven nuts by those two holes."  Tara giggled.  Xander nodded that was fine.  "Sunday?"

"Good for me," Xander agreed.  "It'll probably be nearly empty."

"Probably, yes."

Paula handed Xander his sales check and they all got to leave for the bank and then the donut shop.

***

John watched Olivia come off the elevator with sticky, sweet things in her hands.  "Who let you have donut holes?"

"She's allowed two," Xander said, coming off after her.  Tara and Peter followed.

She showed the slightly smooshed things to Sam and Dean, who grinned.  Then to John, who patted her on the head.  She walked around eating them and wiggling to the music they had on.  Xander got his own and went to his office.  She looked then at Peter, pointing and grunting at the computer out there.

He smiled.  "I'm being naughty and not doing anything."  She scowled.  He patted her on the head.  "It means I can read to you."  She scowled slightly less.  "You are very fierce.  I know many higher ups who would think you were scary, Olivia."

She cackled and patted him with a sticky hand then tried to get out.  When the locked door didn't move she looked back at John then opened it and toddled outside and toward the stairs to the pool.

"You touch that gate, you take a nap," Xander yelled.  She decided to look at the plants instead.

John and Tara looked at Xander in the office then at Olivia.  "He's got her well trained," John decided.  Tara nodded, going to teach her about plants.

"I was watching, she checked you then did it, Dad," Dean said.

"She knows John doesn't like her to use magic," Xander said from behind his desk.  "Shit!"

"Bad problems?" Sam asked casually.

"Yeah.  Peter, your former trainer is still in town, somehow has my personal email address, not the one for the fans, and said that he's going to kill my pretty ass, and he put it that way, if I ever did so much as made you frown."

Peter went in there to read it, scowling at it.  "I will talk to him."  Xander hugged him.  He smiled.  "She is very smart."

"She's a little smartass most of the time.  She's been on good behavior."  He gave him a look.  "Or else she wouldn't call you a puppy."

"Good point."  He got the email address from his computer at home then wrote him one in Russian.  His former mentor cackled but yay.  He made himself clear and he was still a very dangerous man.  Xander walked past him and kissed him on the head, handing him a rice krispy treat.  "I need this?"  He unwrapped it and ate it anyway.

"It helps with heartburn.  That's my almost guaranteed cure for heartburn."  Xander went out there and kicked Tara on the ankle since she seemed frozen, going to get Olivia from the pool area.  They all heard her start to wail as he carried her back down the stairs.  "I said no.  You know better than to go anywhere near the pool without a big person.  Tell everyone night, you're going to take a nap."

"No!" she wailed.  He stared at her.  She gave him the most pathetic look she could.  "Pwease?" she begged.

"Hell no.  That can hurt the baby.  Then Tara would be very upset.  So would I."  He carried her up the stairs and got her out of her visiting clothes, putting her down for a nap.  He walked out and shut the door, making sure none of the cats were in there.  She laid in there and cried, which made him feel bad, but she knew she wasn't allowed near the pool or to magic her aunt into ignoring she was going near the pool.  He came back down, getting some milk.  He grimaced and poured it out.  He got koolaid instead and went to order groceries.  "What am I cooking for dinner?"

"Not a clue," John said, timing it.  She cried for a good ten minutes but she knew better.  Finally she quit and they all calmed down.  Though Xander went up to lock the gate up there as well.  He came back down.  "You think she can't open that one?"

"She gets doorknobs, not sliding locks or lift gates yet."  Xander grimaced.  Tara was still shaking it off.  "You good?"

"I'm fine."  She came in and sat down.  "That's dangerous."

"That's why she's taking a punitive nap.  She knew better when she did it."  He heard a meow.  "Let her nap, Homer."  The cat apparently left her alone and went to lounge in the library.  He shook his head.  "Some days I wonder if they're more than normal cats."

"Miss Kitty was a pretty normal cat," she reminded him.

He snorted.  "Not really.  How else do you explain her shoe organizer thing?  Or sitting on the back of my chair and eating my hair?"  John snickered.  "She did!  She had more hairballs from my hair than hers!"  He went back to the office.  "Now he said he's sorry he scared me."  He responded and the man had the nerve to laugh but Xander was going to kill him if he tried to hurt Peter.  Or him, Olivia, and Tara.  He'd like killing him maybe.

"Xander, he will not do anything," Peter called.  "Though, where are you storing such things?"

"Back of the warehouse."

"Huh."  He nodded. "Many dangerous things that aren't weird then."

"No, they're in the room with the basalt snake altar," Sam told him.  "The warehouse captured it mid-summoning and froze it."  Peter shook his head.  "You got to miss the blessed amusement park stuff.  It's blessed to protect the kids, even if it does have to come off that creepy looking carousel and eat someone.  It used to turn itself on anytime someone got near the doorway."

"It made a good doorbell," Dean agreed.  "How is it, Dad?"

"Bobby's got an eye on it.  Only one kid needed the protection of the fun house and one of the lions on the carousel had to come off to scare the crap out of a drunk father who was being an idiot.  The kid petted it and got a free ride."  He shrugged.

Peter shook his head.  "Do we have such things in Russia?"

"Yes," Xander called.  "You have a fine, ancient tradition of herbalist witches and nature witches of the stranger types.  It's like a cross between Tara and Santeria."

"Interesting."

"Like the story with the house with the chicken legs," Tara said with a grin.  "Some of them are very good herbalists."

"Is good to know."  He got a new email and answered it.  Lorne.  He huffed.  "My trainer is in DC asking nosy questions."

"Tell him to go talk to General O'Neill.  I heard they had some Russian interaction so he might know him," Xander called.

Peter looked in there.  "General would kill us both."

Xander grinned.  "Jack likes to tell people I'm the scariest goofy, nice guy he's ever met."  He went back to what he was doing.  Which was answering fan mail.

"You are," John and Dean agreed, Sam nodding along.  Tara was giggling.  She turned on the news and turned it down from Olivia-volume.  "Damn," John and Dean muttered, calling someone.  They got told to stay there.

Xander came out to look and called.  "If I have to put back on clothes and come out there, I'm going to kill *everyone*," he assured whoever answered.  "Yup, this is Xander."  He grinned.  "Just got home and had donuts.  Olivia's taking an enforced nap...."  The demons started to shout that they were going to keep it peaceful to the press.  To not get Xander down there to make sure of it.  "Thank you."  He hung up, going back to the kitchen.  "So, dinner?"  He went to get the ordered groceries, paying the guy a tip since he had put it on his debit card.  "Thank you muchly."

"You're welcome, Mr. Harris.  Speaking of, the manager wanted to talk to you about your tab?"

"I thought I paid each time I ordered."

"So did I."  He shrugged.  "I don't know, sir."

"I'll call or come down later.  Let me make dinner first."  He nodded and walked off.  Xander went back up there.  "Okay, let's see what happened to my card this time."  He went to check.  He had money in the bank.  He knew he did.  His debit card wasn't working.  "How did I do that?"  He called them and they did fix it over the phone for him.  They also put through a payment for the grocery store.  If he overpaid they'd tell him.  He said a quiet thank you and got back to making dinner.  Tara was chopping vegetables.  "Did I order squash?"

"Yes."

"Damn."

She nudged him.  "It's good for you."

"It means you can be noisy again later," John quipped.  Peter looked at him strangely.  "He is.  I didn't hear you at all."

"Maybe I'll consider a gag then so we don't wake the baby."

"Nope, I've been taken a few too many times," Xander quipped.  "That or handcuffs, though I might bend enough for silk ropes."  Peter looked at him.  "Some of the past dates!  One of them kidnaped me to Singapore to show off her illegal gem mining operation and her brother's illegal weapons trade.  Thankfully I got bored and came back."

Peter shook his head.  "I wonder how many of them I knew from work," he muttered.  John got the boy's journal, which Xander shrugged about when he caught him.  Peter took it to look through, staring at some of the names.  He looked back at him.  "You were the one James moped over?"

"James...."

"Prict."

"Oh, yeah, him."  He grimaced.  "Seriously, after one hand job and needing disinfectant, never touched him again."

"Yes, he was known for doing strange things."  He went back to reading it.  He knew most of the names in there.  Including one he had see in town.  She was not a good sign.  "You know Rachel Maddox?"

"Rach's a pretty sweet girl but when she called I told her I was casually seeing someone and wasn't up to teasing her last week.  Why?"

"I saw her earlier."

Xander nodded.  "She lives in Harlem.  I always went to her house for sex so she couldn't get into mine."

"I always liked that you only brought home the semi and lightly dangerous ones," Tara quipped.  "Even though they got noisy if they were female."

"Why?" Dean asked.

Tara blushed.  "Anya said he could do oral things better than any lesbian ever."  She got back to vegetables.

Xander shrugged.  "She liked it, that's why she wanted nine and ten a day."    He leaned his hip against the counter.  "I asked her once, early on in our thing, if she wanted so much because I had made it seem better than before and it was addicting her.  She called me a dumbass and said I was great and fantastic, but not that fantastic.  It was just a long dry spell."

Peter looked at him.  "You've apparently awakened a beast in many," he said in Russian, making Xander blush.  "That's why they keep trying to come back."

Xander laughed and walked over to kiss him on the forehead.  "As long as there's no more kidnaping attempts."

"Amen," John said, looking up briefly.  "It scared the shit outta us that the news was reporting you were torturing someone in a police standoff over Olivia being kidnaped."

"Two shallow cuts that were more psychological damage than not," Xander defended.  Peter snickered, nodding a bit.  "And for that matter, fuck them!  He shouldn't have taken Olivia from daycare.  Did he think I was going to suddenly turn into some happy camper who'd clap and sing that he had taken her?"

"Calm down," Dean ordered.  "If it happens again, shoot 'em.  Then the rest won't come."

Xander looked at him.  "I scared a few of them straight," he said bluntly.  Peter gaped at him.  "I went full blown hyena there for a few minutes in the station.  A few of them begged to be arrested.  If it happens again, I'll let her go and then I'll make sure it *never* happens again."  He got back to cooking with Tara.

She hummed.  "I about lost my temper and started to pull a Willow.  Thankfully I was at lunch because the breeze would've really wrecked the library."  He gave her a hug.  She grinned.  "Detective Ryan said to please warn him before I get to the point of angry breezes popping up out of nowhere."

"I think that's always a good idea," Xander agreed.  His phone rang.  "Oh, what now," he complained.  He answered it.  "Better be a good thing."  He listened.  "Excuse me?"  He tapped a foot.  "How in the hell? Yeah, be right there."  He hung up.  "John, take over dinner, watch Olivia when she gets up.  It'll take artillery so you're the granddad this time."  He got what he needed from his 'research cabinet and walked off shaking his head.  "Sit, stay, good boyfriend," he ordered when Peter tried to come help, getting a dirty look.  He kissed him and grinned.  "You don't know how to use a sword, dear."

"I can use artillery."

"It's blessed so you have to have some sort of gift."

"Oh.  I can watch."

"I'd rather have you guys watching Olivia in case someone gets a bad idea."  He nodded across the street.  "Like that moron I keep having arrested for making meth."  He grinned and waved.  "He's an idiot."  He took another kiss.  "You can help with the next one.  This is a drive up, shoot, come home to dinner thing."  He left, pausing in the warehouse to get what the rest of what he needed.  He drove them over, the radio going at a nice, loud volume, even if Tara did try to turn it down a few times.  They got out and stared at the multi-armed, multi headed things.  Xander got the back of the car open and pulled out the case, walking it to the hood.  He opened it and stared at the laughing being.  "Last chance to head home."

"You're still not a slayer," one head taunted.

"Ya know, I got enough of that from bitchy girls.  Are you one of those?"

He opened his pants.  "Come find out."

"Put it back or have it cut off," Tara warned.  The demon stared at her.  She was not a happy witch.  Xander hit him there with the artillery, making a few guys hiss and wince.  "You do not dangle that nasty, unclean thing in front of ladies or children!" she ordered.  "How rude is  that!"  He was whimpering and trying not to fall down.  "Really!  I've seen succuba with better manners!  And there's even a church nearby!  Do you really think they wanted to see your naked, dirty, smelly behind?"  Xander was snickering.  "What?" she demanded.

"Wondering when you joined the Springer audience member guild, dear."  He handed her her sword.  "Shall we?"

"Yes."  Faith walked around Tara and took it from her.  "Okay, I'll sit here and make it miserable for daring to not bathe and then exposing himself."

"Sure, you do that."  Faith looked.  "Sit, stay, good author," she ordered.  She attacked it. She got one head off and then it roared and came at her.  "I always get the wrong head first," she complained.  Xander got that one and she looked at him once it was down.  "Aren't you supposed to be doing something?"

"Making dinner with Tara actually.  Unfortunately he decided to show up to proposition Methodist women."  He pointed at the church.

She looked then at the demon.  "You'd never get them.  They like boys who bathe and you didn't."  She walked off, handing Tara back her sword.  "When are you off vacation?"

"I got suspended for turning that nun that attacked me into a kitty.  I can go back next Thursday.  Did you need something looked up?"

"Yeah but I can find it online I guess."

"Come see me tomorrow, Faith, and we'll go look."  Faith grinned.  She looked at Xander, who shrugged.  "Burn it?"

"Fire department's coming," one of the guarding officers quipped.  "Thank you, Mr. Harris, Miss Maclay."  They smiled and nodded.  "Have a good dinner."

"You as well," she said, pinching him on the cheek.  "If I liked boys, I'd hope they'd be as polite as you."  She got back into the car.

Xander grinned.  "Yes, his death releases a happy vibe.  No one's sure why but it lasts about sixty feet and about an hour."  He got in to drive them home.

The officers looked at the staring church women, who just nodded and went back inside.  Mostly to giggle.  They were mostly older women and the thought of that thing turning them on that way made them all cackle.  "Drink?" the officer Tara praised asked.

"Yup, you're buying."

"Hey!"

"Suck it up."

"Then I might turn into Harris," he hissed, cracking his partner up.

When they got home, Peter smirked at him.  "I see where you got that order from now."

"He got many things off Faith, like leather pants," Sam quipped from his seat.

"No, those were roadtrip clothes," Xander said.  "But yeah, I think she is where I got that from."  Peter stared at him.  He blushed a bit.  "One of the other dancers said it'd do me good, especially in the clubs.  And hey, whenever I wear them, no one hits on me."  He grinned.  "Apparently I look like the evil vampire me."  Tara was snickering and shaking her head.

"Evil, vampire you?" John asked blandly, cuddling the baby.

"Yeah, that was a Willow oops and a Cordelia wish verse together sort of long event.  See, Cordelia wished Buffy had never come to town way back in high school because I accidentally called her by Buffy's name while we were dating."  Dean winced and hissed.  "Yeah.  So Anya answered it."  John and Sam shuddered.  "Instant wish verse where I was apparently one of the Master's favorite children and I loved to torture Angel.  Had turned Willow. Was apparently the evil me on steroids or something."

"How did that turn into a Willow event?" John asked.

"Anya tricked Willow into searching for her broken power center with temporal and realm magic.  So we got to meet vamp Willow once.  She called her the skanky, lesbian, leather loving her."  Tara was laughing but nodding now.

Peter looked at him.  "You may nibble sometimes but not that way.  I am thankful."

Xander took a kiss.  "You do taste very good."  Peter laughed but smirked.  Xander went to look at dinner.  "Hey, the food fairies did it."

"Good job," Tara told John, taking Olivia to cuddle.  They walked in to eat a real family style dinner.  They needed the peace and quiet.

***

Xander woke up to a strange noise.  He wasn't sure what it was but Peter was awake and stiff beside him.

"Here I come to save the day!" a male voice called.

"Idiot!" Olivia yelled then there was a thump.  She ran crying into their bedroom and crawled up.  "Falled!" she cried and pointed.  "Bad!"

"It's not your fault," he promised.  "Dean?"

"I have no idea who he is," he admitted, coming in to hug her.  "That was really nice, Olivia."  Xander scowled at him.  "But it wasn't your fault, dear.  I promise it wasn't your fault.  Superhero costume too."

"With what he was shouting, is he Underdog?" Sam called from his room.

"Two intertwined 'S's, Sammy," Dean called back.  "C'mon, you can come help the kitty wife and me nap."  She nodded, letting Xander kiss her on the head.  Then they went to cuddle.

Xander got up to put clothes on and went to see.  Peter right behind him.  "Jacques!" he complained.  The man moaned at him.  "Make that noise at me again in front of my boyfriend.  Watch me neuter you."  The man burst out crying.  Xander looked at the nearest clock in John's room behind him.  "It's two in the morning.  I'm not dealing with this."  He looked at the idiot again.  "Fuck it, you can wait for a decent hour."  He hauled him up and down to the living room, slamming him into a dining table chair.  He tied him very tightly, relocked the jimmied porch door, then went back to bed.  "He can wait until Beckett gets in the office."

"When did you meet that one?" Peter asked.

"He asked me out at a book convention."  They shut their bedroom door.

John and Sam shared a look then shook their heads and went back to bed.

***

Xander came down the stairs to a whimpering pathetically tied up idiot.  Who Olivia was showing off her words to.  "Aww, she's making you feel better.  Good job, 'Liv."  She beamed and waved.  "Who gave you chocolate milk?"

She beamed.  "Dean!"

"My fault.  It's all we had," Dean called from the office.

"Fine.  Is she playing nicely?"

"She checked his back for him then climbed up him to pat his mask, then sat and started to read to him," Dean said, coming to the doorway of the office.  "Dad, found that spirit that eluded you."  He went back to his chatting.  John came down buttoning up his shirt to help his eldest son.

Xander made coffee, handing Peter the pot once he had his own mug of it.  He opened the door and shivered so shut it.  He decided they could stretch right there.  Olivia slid off the idiot's lap and came over to help.  Peter stared while he drank the coffee, head tipped to the side.  Xander looked up at him.  "You need to arch your back more."  Xander nodded and did that but winced and went back.  "We will work on flexibility."  He sat on the couch to check his own email, start his proofreading for the day, and ignore the idiot tied to the chair.  "When does Beckett get in?"

"Two hours," Xander said.  The guy moaned and shifted, trying to cross his feet.  "Sam?"  Sam came down and helped him lift the guy, chair and all, into the bathroom down there.  Sam even helped him aim when they tilted the chair forward so he was leaning on the toilet while still tied up.  They tucked him back in and carried the chair back to the living room.  Sam made breakfast while Xander did his own email and things.  Including his morning comics.  Peter laughed when he read a few over his shoulder.  The poor wannabe hero was pouting but yay.  When it was time, Sam borrowed John's keys.

"Don't scratch the truck bed."

"He won't," Sam promised.  They carried the guy, in the chair, down to the truck.  He got slid in on his side and Sam drove them to the station.  Where they carried him inside, still in the chair.

"I thought you were dating," one of the officers complained.

"I am.  He broke in with the Underdog theme song and Olivia made him fall down the stairs."  He grinned.  "Then she fussed over him this morning and showed off her brilliant reading skills."  They carried the chair up in the elevator and put it down beside Beckett.

"Just what I wanted," she said dryly.  "A guy in a rental superhero costume tied to a chair."  Sam told her what had happened so she knew which forms to fill out.  They left him and the chair there.  They'd get the chair later.  She looked at him.  "We like Peter."

"Shank?  You actually like Shank?"

"I guess he earned the name before he retired."  She stared at him.  He slumped down as much as he could.  "Name?"  He wiggled so she got into his pockets and found his wallet.  "Thank you.  Is this the correct address?"

"This week."

She sighed but typed it in.  "No one's ever going to believe this story."  They got officers to carry him down to the booking sergeant so he could be released and patted down properly there.  Then Esposito got to deliver the chair back to the owner.  She looked at her other minion.  "Was I sane before?"

"Yes, but then you met Castle and he does mushy things to your brain."  He grinned.  "Just think, you used to think Xander was creepy and weird when you first met him."

"He was.  Now I'm just more used to it."  She got more coffee and sat back down.  "Why Underdog?"

"No clue," Ryan admitted.  "You'd have to ask the guy."  She went to ask that question.  She doubted he was a humble shoe shine boy by day.  Ryan shook his head quickly.  "Maybe he did bad things to all our brains.  Castle is clearly the carrier of mental infection.  Xander got him first," he defended when someone gave him a strange look.

TBC....

Chapter 30: Snuggly Times

A few challenges for Xander and Peter, including an apocalypse vision and Olivia not understanding some things.

Xander and Tara sat down at the fast food place's table and he put a book in front of her.  "Preschool."

"She's not quite three," she complained.

"She'll be starting school at six," he admitted.  "But some of them even have a waiting list."

She grimaced and shook her head. "So far the daycare is doing it very well."

"She only goes two days a week."  He looked at her.  She grimaced back.  "We can start by sending her each morning."

"Add in another day a week for right now," she decided.  He nodded.  "Then we'll move up and she can do preschool the year before she goes in."  She looked at that section of the book.  "Most of these are snotty places, Xander."

"I know."

She huffed.  "I'll talk to the coven, see if they have one they like.  They do like the school she'll be going to."  He grinned because that had been his choice.  "What if they come back?" she asked quietly.

"I've already told the school what went on and why we had shared custody.  They agreed it was unusual but reasonable."

She sighed but nodded.  "What about other things?"

"What other things?  Though I have to sell at least four new books to afford her shopping she wants to do."

She swatted him.  "Other things like what she's learning now."

"We all agree she's fantastically ahead in everything but potty training.  Including the daycare.  They think she's not totally ready for potty training yet because she doesn't seem to care if she pees on herself unless it messes up her dresses."

"Good point.  And I do need to help her shop."  He gave her a pointed look.  "Thrift shops."

"I know I make a good paycheck per year," he said dryly.  "But somehow we managed to turn her into Buffy.  She wailed when I tried to get her into a kid's store and wanted Sak's for some reason."  Tara winced.  "Our little girly-girl niece needs to find some less expensive habits."

"Yup."  She nodded.  "That's for special things?"  He nodded that was fine.  Alexis plopped down next to them, getting a hug from Tara.  "Hi."

"Hi."  She smiled.  "Dad was looking for you, Xander."

"I'll text him in a few."  He looked at her.  "If you help Tara take Olivia shopping, go less expensive places."

"I think that was my grandmother's thing," she admitted.  "When she went with us, Tara."

"That's entirely possible but she's becoming fashionable and expensive."  Alexis smiled at them.  "Xander might have to date another bad girl who leaves him stuff again."

"Xander is dating, that would be a bad thing," he said dryly, pulling out his phone to call Rick.  "What's up?  Your daughter said you needed my slightly less than working brain."  He listened.  "That's gray and black stripes?"  He nodded once.  "They're not poisonous or anything but they're generally cranky.  That means that they're females and if she's pawing at one of you she's in heat.  Go take a shower before going back to work."  He nodded.  "That's cool.  If whoever isn't with the Matriarch, then she might be able to help.  It's her job to keep track of everyone.  That's cool.  Let us know.  Lunch talking about future daycare plans and how to get Olivia to quit wanting the expensive clothes."  He grinned.  "That's not a bad idea.  Thanks, Rick."  He hung up.  "We're going to show her what donating is again."

"She's got a lot of stuff with stains," Tara warned.  "I've tried and John's tried both."

"A few of those were dry clean only too," he told her.  She winced and shook her head.  "Since winter's coming, we need to rearrange her sense of style anyway.  Because she'll freeze in her dresses.  So I say we clean out her closet, show her what donation is, and then get some from the same place."

"Could work," she admitted.  "But she hates it when it's not a one-piece outfit, Xander."

"Then we'll have Dean and Sam help."

"Good idea."

"I can help with Grandma," Alexis offered.  They grinned at her.  "Just make sure she knows how pretty she is in the new outfit?"  They nodded.  "We can do that."  She called her grandmother to get her opinion on that.  That got them a few store names that were quirky but inexpensive as well.  Tara beamed at those, she loved to shop at one.  She hung up.  "Grandmother said to dress you and her alike a few times, Tara."

"That might work too."  Xander grinned.  "I'm not sure if we can get baby broomstick skirts though."

"It'd be warmer," he reminded her.

"True.  I can maybe find a book on that too."  Xander waved a hand.  "You have?"

"To get her ready for winter and how sundresses are pretty but make you cold all winter long so you have to wear thicker clothes.  It was self defense and John suggested it when he tried to tell her a story about needing more clothes.  She hated that story."

"Figures."  She sighed.  "We'll do what we can.  Is she in daycare?"

"With grandpa John."

She smiled.  "It's good he loves her too."  Xander nodded that was true.  Alexis was giggling again.  "Let's do that."  They broke up, Xander bringing the book, and went to gather the baby for things.  Olivia was always happy to help her auntie shop.  Tara got the laptop to read to her.  Olivia gave her such strange looks but oh well.  Then they went up to gather things.  Olivia helped, but they had to stop her from putting them in the laundry basket - a clear sign Xander was teaching her to be an independent, fashionable, smartass girl instead of simply fashionable.  They told her about how they were going to take the stuff that was too little and bring it to other kids who needed to look just as pretty as she was.  Olivia was confused but they had done the donation thing before.  She was used to that part.  Thankfully it didn't make her cry even though her favorite sundress went.  It wasn't going to be big enough in the spring when it was warm enough to wear it again.

***

Martha, Rick's mother, stared at the pouty baby.  "You look just like your aunt, Olivia."  She smiled at her.  "Very pretty."  Olivia looked at herself then at her aunt.  "That's right, you look like Aunt Tara."  She got a cuddle from the baby.  "You're probably warmer as well.  I know it's chilly outside."

"That's why we both changed," Tara admitted.  "I was wearing something thinner from work."  She sat down.  Their matching outfits were a long broomstick skirt and a nice top.  They were in the same colors but not exactly the same.  Tara's had a scoop neckline and three-quarter sleeves.  Olivia had a long sleeve top on.  "See, it's a good thing and you still look very pretty.  Plus you can get down and play in that skirt without it flipping up."

"I'm so glad Alexis was happy in any pair of jeans she could fit into," Martha said, smiling at her granddaughter.

"Me too."  She took Olivia to cuddle and read to, letting her point at her words she knew.

"That's very advanced," Martha praised, getting a grin back from Tara.  "How's potty training going?"

"Poorly.  She hasn't quite caught on yet that peeing on yourself makes you less pretty and diapers do too.  We're still working on it though."

"It'll come.  It always does."  She let the baby cuddle again.  "The skirt's a good length so she won't trip in it."

"I pinned it up.  We can take it up later," Tara admitted.  "It was nearly six inches too long."  Martha smiled.  "There's not many baby broomstick skirts and the like out there.  Leggings she apparently got used to.  So that's a good daycare outfit for her."

Rick walked in and turned to lock the door, shuddering.  "Tara, Olivia, you look adorable."

"Pretty?" Olivia asked.

"Yes, very pretty."  The baby gave him a shy smile and ducked her head.  "Tara, do you know anything about the child pageants?"

"Beyond wanting to shake a lot of the parents so they suddenly have sense loosened in their brains?  No.  Only what I caught a few times on tv."

"We have a case there?" Alexis asked.

Rick nodded, sitting down with a sigh.  Olivia got off the couch and came over to climb up him and hug him.  He cuddled her.  "You do that nearly as well as Alexis did at your age, Olivia.  You're a very good girl."  Olivia beamed and waved at Tara and Alexis then snuggled in.  He patted her on the back.  "We're fairly certain it's a parent-on-parent thing.  Or a spouse-on-stagemom sort."  He shuddered.  "Even Beckett had to consciously make herself not say something to some of the parents."

"I'd never let Olivia go into those.  When she's older, if she feels she must, I'd let her do the teenage ones but not the baby ones."

"This one had her two-year-old daughter in," Rick said.  "Spray tan, too much makeup, mall hair and all."  Alexis shuddered.  His mother grimaced.  "The mothers are pushy sorts who are worse than stage moms.  Maybe they mellow out and turn into them later on."  Olivia cooed at him, earning a smile.  "You're very good at helping me calm down, Olivia.  Thank you."

"Pretty?" Olivia asked.

He grinned.  "You're very pretty."  She pouted.  "Oh, them?  No, they weren't as pretty as you are."  She beamed and snuggled in again.

"We're working on things," Tara assured him when he looked at her.  He grinned.  "We donated today and got some winter things."

"Good.  She could use them."  He patted her on the back and handed her over to Tara, who snuggled her.  "She could probably use changed."

Tara looked at her.  "Did you have to go potty and not tell me?"  Olivia beamed at her.  "You know that messy diapers make you less pretty, Olivia."  Olivia huffed but let her aunt take her to the potty and then change her.

"I'm so glad that Alexis wanted out of diapers as much as we wanted her trained," Martha, Rick's mother, sighed.  Rick smiled and nodded at his daughter, who was fantastic.

"They get in the way of things."  She grinned and took Olivia to cuddle and read to.  Tara had books on potty training in the bag to reinforce the idea that potty training was great.

"Where's Xander?" he asked.

Tara rolled her eyes.  "He and Peter are playing golf before he has to go back to DC tomorrow."  Rick grinned at her.  "It's nice this one's not evil and staying around.  Xander hasn't written anything in nearly a week."

"Wow," Rick said.  "As long as Paula doesn't care."  Olivia wiggled down and came over to read with him.  She pointed at her words, letting him go over the rest for her.  It worked well and she learned another new one by the time they were ready to bring her home.

***

Xander walked into the main Homeland Security building in DC, clutching a very important book to his chest.  His eyes were watering because he was getting a headache from the book.  "I need to see Agent Philips really fast," he said with a slight smile for the receptionist.  She looked nonplussed.  He stared back.  "Someone just gave me information on the next demon invasion, lady.  How about *now*?"  She snorted but called the agent on call.  Xander looked at him.  "Well, you're not Agent Phillips."

"I know that, sir.  You look familiar."  Xander stared at him.  "You're the one from the demon invasion."  Xander nodded.  "What did you hear now?"

"This book contains the diary of someone who was dealing with the next one."

"Oh, dear.  That's important, yes."  He led him up to a meeting room, taking the book to look at.  "Is ... what language is this in?"

"With the exception of about three words, the D&D Dwarf language works," Xander said, rubbing his forehead.  "Though it's not read the way we'd normally read it."

The agent nodded, finding someone to find him a translator site.  The kid clearly was having other issues.  When he came back he looked pissed off.  "That's not what it says."

Xander took the book and pointed.  "Words start this way, go here," he said, dragging his finger along it.  His other hand was rubbing his forehead.

Phillips walked in and paused.  "Kid, let the vision come," he ordered.  Xander blinked at him.  "I don't care why you're holding it back.  Let it go."  He came in and put a hand on the back of his neck, hitting the pressure points that would make the boy forcefully relax his whole body.  The vision came.  He pointed.  "It's read right to left, then zig-zag back and forth by line from there.  Start the next chapter the same way," he said quietly.  That got a nod and that agent went to look at it that way.  That was very helpful.  When the kid woke up he stared at him.  "What was it?"

Xander swallowed, taking the bottle of water Phillips had ready.  "Willow and them are going to almost get back during that one.  It's going to weaken a lot of realm boundaries, including the hellmouths.  They're going to all open for a bit if we can't stop them."   He sipped some water then got up to puke in a trash can.  Phillips waited, getting some paper and a pen to take notes.  Xander calmed himself down and came back, making his notes for him, like he would at home.  "I need a copy of that to send to Sam.  Though he might have them."

The other agent came in.  "What was that?"

Xander blinked at him.  "Vision.  I've had them since the explosion of the hellgoddess in New York.  Unfortunately I see apocalypse battles usually, with one exception.  So does Sam Winchester now.  Cordelia did before they sent her with the rest of the LA team."  Philips made notes.  "When the demon plan to start the apocalypse by outing demon kind got bad I basically told them to screw themselves.  There's nothing saying I had to tell anyone any vision I had."  The other agent looked pissed off.

"What they were doing and forcing me into nearly got me killed, Agent whoever.  That was their plan.  It was to take me out after they had caused such a schism within the US and the world by outing demons that way, that it would've basically destroyed a lot of the fundamental nature of society.  The science, the religion, all that which was built upon would've been ended because they made me do something by arranging that little fake documentary.

"Which is when I told the Powers to suck me and I wasn't going to pass on anything.  That let Cordelia and Sam have the apocalypse visions while I fought the apocalypse pretty well single handedly because no one wanted to help me."  He stared at him.  "It was the only way I could save my own ass and all of yours."

"I get that," Phillips said.  "How well do you read this language, Xander?"

"Probably about eighty percent."  He got handed the book and went over the first page.

"What's that?" the other agent asked when he heard a strange word.  "A holiday?  Special occasion?"

"Holiday.  I don't know when.  I know it's an important one."  He found his phone and called a number he had hidden.  "It's Harris, I just had a vision and I need a date verified," he said.  "It's an apocalypse."  He tapped his fingers when he got transferred to the library.  "When is Sovarent?"  He listened.

"You're sure?  No, I don't have Giles' and Wes's stuff.  You guys confiscated all the research books before we could get them.  Which we'd really like because there's things we need in some of them.  Like the fact that the huge one under London is presently acting up thanks to the other vision I've had."  He made another note.  "That won't work."  He snorted.

"When you have a vision of an apocalypse because someone's going to weaken all the realm's boundaries, which means all the hellmouths are going to open at once....."  He smirked and made another note.  "Not them.  Nope, not them either.  Looked like the Sisters of Jhe actually but a bit more blue/green than green.  Well, gee, that's what I'm trying to find out since I've seen two now."  He made another note.  "I thought that was a rotating holiday like Ramadan.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "The Council's head librarian."

"We'll find a way to make sure that holiday is then," Phillips said, patting him on the arm.  "Sisters of Jhe?"

"Were going to force the hellmouth open so they could free someone if I remember right.  I barely saw anything on them but Faith stopped one and I rammed my car into another back in high school.  That was the night they all wanted me fray adjacent though so...."  He left it there and shrugged.  "I just stopped the zombie with the bomb in the boiler room."

"Is there anyone who can read this language better than you?" the other agent asked.  "Not that I don't trust you but is there an agent?"

"I have no clue," Xander admitted.  "I really don't."  He looked at Phillips.

"Some of O'Neill's people are linguists."

He snapped his fingers.  "The Daniel Jackson in DCIS's world had a book in it on his shelves."

"We can see if Doctor Jackson is available to help us."  The other agent looked at him.  "Why did you ask for him?"

"He arrested all my former dates.  I know I can trust him."

"That's a good reason," he decided.  "Most of us are trustworthy."

"Yeah but a few of you were also formerly Initiative.  So...  I've got trust issues anyway."

"Understood."  He handed over his card.  "For now, if you hear more on this, call me?"  Xander nodded.  "Good boy.  Need help to get a cab?"

"I'll take him somewhere safe," Phillips assured him.  "I'll grab the general on the way back."  That got a nod and he got Xander down to his car, taking him to a bar.  He walked him inside and sat him down at the bar.  "He had a vision," he said quietly.  "And got given stuff on another apocalypse battle beyond that."

"That needs to go to Sam," Xander reminded him, rubbing his forehead again.

"I'll make sure of it, Xander.  You rest."  He left, going to grab the general from lunch.

Xander looked at the bartender.  "I have a hotel room.  I don't know why he sent me here."  He started to get up and wobbled.  "Give me ten please."

"Sit, kid," Lorne ordered.  He came over to look at him.  "What happened?"

"Vision.  It's like a migraine at the moment."

"I meant before.  Something happened and Shank got pissed off?"

Xander blinked at him a few times.  "I was feeling like Peggy Sue's husband's girlfriend there for a bit and I realized that was probably why he'd dump me some day.  So I kinda backed off a bit.  I'm sorry but...  Have you ever dated someone you were in awe of what they'd seen?" he asked quietly.

Lorne sat beside him.  "No."

"Well, he kinda was there when things, big things, happened.  Like when the Wall fell.  I got to read about it in the papers and he was probably there."

"We actually both were.  We were fighting over some scientist we were trying to get out of Berlin," Lorne admitted.  He got the kid some water.  He looked sick.  Xander gave him a grateful smile and sipped some.  "So you were thinking what?  That you're not good enough?"

"That our frames of reference for big things and history being important that you lived through was different.  Which probably made no sense," he sighed.  He took another sip.  "It'd be like a minor league bat boy dating a major league player."

Lorne nodded he got that analogy.  "I can see that problem."

"Which meant I realized I needed to enjoy it while it lasted, before he got disgusted or something about me not knowing these things.  Beyond the crappy school system."

Lorne patted him and the kid winced.  "Visions do that?"

"Yeah, and a bit of poisoning by the demon that handed me the book on the apocalypse.  I'm fine and all but it's making me more sore than I am from the vision."  He finished his water.  "Phillips should've brought me to my hotel room."

"He knew you'd be safer here."  Lorne looked at him then knocked him out.  Peter helped him get the boy into a booth to nap off the headache.

"Peggy Sue?" Shank asked.

"It's a movie," the bartender called.  "Late eighties if I remember right."  They went to look that up.  "Though, he's been there through some pretty big, world changing things."

"He discounts them," Peter complained.

"Shank, he's like that," Lorne reminded him.  "He's got some low self esteem thanks to his upbringing.  It's all over his official file."

Shank grimaced but nodded.  "Sometimes I can be myself around him and sometimes my former self."

"What set this off?"  Lorne was willing to play helper this time.  They made a decent, strange couple.

"He asked why I learned to play golf.  That it wasn't really a Russian game."

"So you told him about how the KGB and CIA used to hold a quarterly golf game so they could covertly talk," Lorne realized.  Peter nodded.  "Which meant he started to see all the things you've seen that he's only read about."

"Which I do not mind.  Though his life is insane with the demon threats.  I would wish him more retired but I cannot do that to humanity."

"I can understand that."  They found the movie on Netflix and settled in to watch it.  The bar was dead tonight.  It was a Wednesday and nothing was expected to go on for a few days.

At the end of the movie, Shank looked over at his boy.  "I can see that point but I do not see him that way."

"If you start pointing out all the important things he's been part of, it'll seem like you like him for his weapons and battle skills," the bartender said quietly, looking at him.  He nodded at the kid.

Lorne smiled at that hint the kid was awake.  "I think he's going to be slightly in awe of things like you are of his battles, but I think it doesn't matter so much between you two.  I don't know anyone among all of us that know you who don't like you with him.  Even if you did make Abbot seem like a human being instead of a goat-screwing asshole in your book."

"He'll change later," Peter assured him.  "It does not matter to me.  I try very hard to be retired, the same as he does until something comes up."

"You both have that name thing going too," the bartender pointed out.  "There's a clear difference between Peter and Shank, the same way as there is between Alexian and Xander."

Peter nodded.  "There is.  Usually it helps calm things down.  Though his past dating pool is one I would like to deal with."

Lorne snickered.  "Micah heard and wondered if we could use that to arrest a lot of them.  Apparently Philips told him that was his job."

Peter nodded.  "He left a few."  He frowned at the bench his boyfriend was resting on.  "I do not mind him not being fully retired.  We all are like National Guard when things happen.  If we knew something about demons we would have been at those as well I'm sure."

Lorne nodded.  "There's a few who've been bugging John Winchester to teach them so they can handle DC."

"The Council has a program out of Oxford," Xander moaned as he sat up, holding his head.  "Mostly it's fight training with swords and stuff, some light spell work, languages, and watchery history with a few classes of demonology."  He blinked a few times.  "One of the other me's at the multi-Xander convention was a demonology rated CSI.  His world had a program."

"See if you can get us a copy?" Lorne asked quietly.  Xander nodded.  "Thanks, kid.  Want some tylenol?"

"It won't help," he said, blinking at him.  "You knocked me out."

"You clearly needed the rest."

Xander nodded.  "Yeah, I did.  Thank you."

"Welcome.  Peter, take him back to his hotel room?"

"We can go somewhere safe," he agreed, helping Xander up.  "I will drive slow.  Need vitamins to feel better?" he asked as they walked off together.

"Mostly I need the little guys inside my head with hammers and pickaxes to stop."

"Like hangover?" he asked.

"Don't know, never had one.  Even the few times I got drunk I never had a hangover."

"We will try that cure, see if it helps."  He took him to his place, letting them inside.  Xander gave him a confused look.  "Is my apartment."

Xander looked around then smiled.  "It's nicely decorated.  I didn't decorate anything.  Tara did."

Peter smiled.  "She did nicely masculine job."  He put the boy on the couch and made his sure-fire hangover cure, handing him the cup.  Xander looked at it.  "Don't ask, just drink."  Xander did and took the two advil he held out.  "There, now we will sit and relax."  He sat down.  Xander hesitantly leaned closer and Peter let him cuddle.  It was nice and he was certain Xander could hurt him but wouldn't.  He wasn't evil that way so Xander would only cuddle.

Xander fell asleep against his arm.  Peter smiled and picked up a book to read. A few hours later Xander woke up again but Peter petted him and read out loud.  That put him back to sleep.  He did shift enough to stretch out on the couch, letting Xander have his side instead.  That helped them both get comfortable.  Xander was so deeply asleep nothing should bother him, though Peter was sure he wouldn't do what Olivia did and pee on himself.  If so, they'd handle it and Xander would probably be embarrassed enough to replace his thrift store couch.

That's when he realized he had a very bad case of lust for the boy.

***

Agent Philips sat down across from them the next day at brunch.  "The Council's librarian lied to you on purpose," he said.  Xander shook his head, putting down his cup of coffee.  "She's since been arrested for endangering lives."  He looked at Peter then back at Xander.  "Thank you."

"We can stop them?"

"O'Neill is stopping one and we've arrested the ones in the other one.  The diary contained enough information to put them away on treason and endangering humanity charges.  O'Neill said he was more than happy to stop the other one."

"That'd be good.  If he's stopping the realms popping, that could be very bad.  Especially since there's a kraken on top of Sunnydale's."

"I heard.  So did he and he found out how to solve it.  McKay sent his thanks for the headache you gave him but it let him work on a project he had to keep putting off."  Xander grinned weakly.  "Also, your doctor has medicine that can help with the migraine afterward."

"Cordy tried everything and nothing helped hers.  I don't get them that often."

"Uh-huh.  Have Peter ask his people.  They have some drugs that aren't approved over here, including something that one with known visions relies on."  He stared at him.  "Even if you do have to go to Germany to get it."  Xander nodded at that.  Peter looked confused.  He slipped over the guy's card.  Peter smirked and put it into his pocket.  "He sees little things, problems that go with his job.  By the way, Winchester saw both of those as a vision.  The one in the book he saw them hunting you down and killing you for having it."

"That's why I had a demonic mafia guy's bodyguard take me to your building.  No one's going to touch him and the guy's boss recognized the book."

"That's interesting."  He grinned.  "Can they be stopped if they're doing evil things?"

"They're mostly making money."

"That's good to know."

"They don't often deal with humans."

"Even better."  He smiled at them.  "For today and the next three days, hide.  Just in case Winchester was right."  Xander nodded.  "I've already told Tara and the elder Winchester.  They agreed it was fine.  Olivia was good with Tara and no one's going to touch her.  Or your house.  They're kind of scared of the warehouse."

"Me too sometimes," Xander admitted. "I found a transport ring."

"Where is the end outside the warehouse?" Peter asked.

"Presently?  Michigan."  He grinned.  Peter smirked back.  "Thank you, Agent Phillips."

"I'm just glad I don't have to arrest this one."  He stared at him for a moment.  Then he smirked.  "By the way, your buddy's boss still wants to arrest most of them and can't.  The president said no."   He got up and walked off.

"Huh," Peter said, nodding a bit.  "Wonder if they like him as well."  He got Xander more coffee and they finished eating then went back to his place.  No one knew where it was, it'd be safest there.  Then they could go home to rest.  Xander would quit worrying about minor things again.  Because half of the agents were in awe of the battles like the boy was of what he had done.

***

Peter got a summons he hated.  He went to the Russian Embassy.  He couldn't refuse, they hijacked his car.  "I have appointment in an hour," he noted as he was let into an office.

The man in there stared at him.  "With your new friend?"

Peter nodded.  "We are going to pick out Tara's present for Solstice."  He stared at him.  "Why did you want to meet?"

"I wanted to make sure that nothing you were *writing* would come back to a real case that was still classified.  Even if you do try to change some things, some of that is very close to the truth."

"Is old history.  Most is unclassified now as far as I know and most is not about that."

The man stared at him.  "There's those that don't like your boyfriend's duties.  There's a few who wanted to order me to order you to shoot him."

"I would refuse."

"Which is why I am not, but simply pointing out there are many that are wary of him."

Xander walked in and kicked the door shut, then stared at him, saying something in another language.  The guy started to smoke.  "Kidnaping me is very bad.  It puts me into a bad mood.  It makes me react like the old me, not the new me."  He stared at him.  "And then I reach for artillery."  He pulled something out of his pocket and let it expand.  "I know arms dealers who move tons of things this way every month."

Peter took it to look at.  "Is very nice.  How?"

"That one?  He ships it on a few goats."  He grinned.  "He owed me about ten thousand kittens though."  He looked at the man.  "I'm very sure that Peter's not telling anyone anything he shouldn't.  I'm also very certain that the one of you who came up to threaten Olivia and Tara earlier is still probably squeaking at his new sunlamp since Olivia reacted and turned him into an iguana."   Peter burst out laughing.  "They were in the zoo.  She thought they were pretty."  He stared at him again.  "This bit of dramatics is unworthy of the modern man.  And by the way, I know your clan.  They owe me kittens too."  He walked out shaking his head.  "I'll be in the car."

"Thank you," Peter called, waving after him.  He looked at the piece of artillery then at him.  He smirked.  "He is very much tough enough to be mine."  He walked off.

The higher up/demon moaned and sent a quick note to his superior.  Who was also demonic.  If Harris knew, there was going to be bloodshed.  Though it was nice they had to track down three agents in New York to cure their scaley conditions.  Their overseer told them to cure the agents and then to leave the new couple alone.  Unless Shank spilled confidential secrets, no one was going to care now.  Beyond that, they wanted Harris in a good mood since it looked like a future battle was going to be in Siberia.

***

Two days later, Shank walked up to a relative on a nondescript street in New York City.  It was his sister's son.  He worked with some do gooder in New York who helped people, which he liked and accepted.  Even if the kid was a retired agent for the US and a smartass.  "Mickey."

"Uncle," he said, staring at him.  "Why are you in New York?" he asked, glancing around.

He smirked.  "I am seeing someone.  We are going golfing later."  He walked him and the hotdogs they bought off.  "I want two things."

"Depends."

"First, I want your friend Robert to leave my boyfriend alone.  Xander sees enough problems."

"You're dating *Harris*?" he asked, looking around again then at his uncle.  Who smirked and nodded.  "We don't want messed up in any of that and the one thing that crossed into it, he went to talk to Faith, who helped us."

"That is acceptable.  Xander is the sort to jump in, as you are," Peter said.

"I saw that."  He ate a bite of hotdog.  "The second?"

"Please let us know if you hear of someone coming for him?  There were those that wanted me to not write past cases and the like."

Mickey choked.  "You're writing?"

Peter nodded with a smirk.  "Is very exciting and lets me do naughty things plus I met Xander that way."

"Sure," he decided, nodding quickly.  "I can do that.  I'd probably do that anyway.  Do they know...."

"Yes.  One was planning to try to order me to kill him.  Xander showed up with artillery."

"How did he get artillery?"

"Cash would like to know as well," he said smugly.

"No, he can keep his insanity in DC," Mickey ordered, eating another bite to calm his stomach down.  "I'll tell Robert that you're in and out of town but fully retired unless it's a massive attack."

"Then you'd probably see both of us," he admitted.  "Though Xander does not want to have to hurt any humans."

"I can see that.  He seems like a nice, goofy kid in his interviews.  Until someone screws with him."

Peter nodded.  "He has many bad dates too.  His black book is like some dream list."

Mickey shook his head.  "You're probably better than all of them then.  What about his niece?"

"She is adorable."  He grinned.  "Calls me puppy."

"Awww."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Show up for dinner sometime, Uncle."

"I shall."  He went to the store to get a new set of golfing gloves then went to join Xander at the golf course.  It was a pretty fall day to golf.  The course was nearly empty because it was a bit chilly but they could enjoy that.

Mickey went back to his boss to make a report.  "I just saw my uncle," he said as he walked in.

"How is Peter?" he asked casually.

"Dating Xander Harris."  His boss and friend put down his paper and coffee cup to stare at him.  "He wanted to make sure we never got him into anything we had to deal with and told them whenever agents were looking their way."

Robert looked at him then nodded.  "I think that's totally reasonable, yes.  The boy is slightly insane."

"Uncle Shank said that his past dating pool looked like some dream team list."

"And then some from what I've heard."  He sipped his coffee.  "Is he in town for a while?"

"Apparently they're going to golf today."

"Ah."

"Uncle Shank also said that he's writing."  That got a splutter and a choke on the coffee.

"I'll be on the look out for more agents to show up in town then."  He cleaned up the mess and folded his paper.  "You know, they would suit each other very well.  I almost suggested you take him out once."

"Uncle Peter's meaner than I ever could be," he said dryly.  "Apparently they work together.  Cash is looking at how the boy gets artillery but otherwise it's going well."

"Hmm.  Well, if they do end up together, I'm sure they'll protect each other and that niece I've seen him with."

"Probably, yes.  Though, rumors state that she turned some agents that came up to scare them into iguanas the other day.  Tara had to chastize her but refused to turn them back."

"Hmm."  He nodded and got something for his stomach.  That was very interesting news and something he would keep in mind during future cases.

***

Xander looked over as Peter was lining up his shot.  "So you don't mind that I've never seen anything huge or made a really huge change in the world?"

"I would say you have done both," Peter assured him.  He took his shot and came over to accept his kiss for getting it on the green this time.  He stared at him.  "You do many things that warp minds yet benefit humanity.  You have also been at events that have changed the world.  Or else churches wouldn't want to kill you."

Xander grimaced.  "That's not really the same thing."

"It is.  Even John would say the same thing since I know you look up to him."  He stared at him.  "You are every bit the warrior I was when I was your age.  If anything, I sometimes feel like dirty old man because of how young you are."

Xander leered.  "Not really.  I seem to do a lot of the pouncing."

Peter smirked.  "Wait until later."  They looked back at someone screaming and he sighed.  "That is not a demon or a nun."

Xander stared at her then threw his knife at her.  She screamed as she went down, sobbing while trying to pull out the knife.  "I think that's the one Lorne leant me to get free of the ropes."

"Looks like it."  They walked off after calling her in to the course's security team.  They could handle her.

***

An hour later, Beckett found the two boys having a burger and milkshakes.  She held up the knife.  "Whose?"

"His friend Cash's.  He leant it to me to get out of the ropes someone put me in so they could talk to Peter about how bad I was for him."

Peter shook his head.  "I was not listening.  I was planning on how to kill him."

Xander grinned.  "He's got a weak right knee."

"That is a good place to start, yes."

Beckett sighed, staring at them.  "Be *authors*, guys.  Please?  Just for a few weeks?"  They nodded.  She walked off, sending the knife to the address that had mysteriously been in her computer's address book that morning.  The box also had a note about whose knife it was in case it wasn't to the same people.

Xander looked at Peter.  "I've got to write something that makes Rick choke."  He grinned.  "He was twitting me that I don't write things that make people hot and are publishable."

"Hmm.  Would be interesting to proofread."  Xander winked and they finished up, going back to the house to write until it was time to pick up Olivia.

***

Paula met with them a few weeks later for a lunch meeting.  Which she'd get to expense account for taxes, plus have some wine to calm her nerves.  "Xander, your psycho mother wrote me."

"My actual one or the one that was whining because she didn't watch her daughter lie about her age?"

"Your actual one."  She handed over a copy of the email.  "She's not on probation anymore."

"Aww."  He read it and snorted, handing it to Peter.  "Just in case they come back out here."

Peter read it then looked at him.  "I know someone with alligator farm."

Xander grinned.  "The guy the one in the movie was based off of?" he teased.  Peter nodded with a grin back.

"I don't want to know," she ordered.  They smiled at her.  She handed Peter a thick envelope.  "They adore your book."  Peter grinned and looked inside, gasping in awe.  She handed one to Xander.  It was thicker.  "Three offers for one of them and the new DCIS movie's official notice. Same terms, same team."  Xander read that one and signed it then handed it back.  He looked at the other one then at her.  She smirked.  "That part that got leaked....."

"Agents," Peter muttered.

"Whoever," she said firmly.  She looked at Xander.  Who just grinned and handed over the keydrive.  "Thank you.  I'd like to see why they're foaming at the mouth."

Peter pointed at something.  "Is that mine?"  She looked then nodded.  "That is quite a lot."  He went back to reading.

"The same author that worked on Xander's DCIS movie, the second one that did the script changes, is doing yours.  Someone tried to call you a Clancy knock-off but Rick called him and he laughed and said it was nice you were joining the ranks."  She smiled.  "Apparently they have poker games too."

"Fantasy authors only seem to have tea," Xander said.  "That's why I go to Rick's."

She swatted him.  "I got the email of the other one too, Xander."

"Do I need to tone that down?"

She stared at him.  "Where did that come from?"

"Rick was taunting me that I can't do what he does and make people hot while keeping within publishing guidelines."

She gave him an odd look.  Then looked at Peter.  "Did you co-write it with him?"

Peter shook his head.  "I proofread."  He smiled.  "He had many happy days of writing."

She whimpered.  "Fine."  She accepted the signed contracts and let them keep their checks.  She handed Peter another one.  "For that contract.  The agreed upon pre-payment."  The waiter came over and took their orders then left them alone.  She went over what they'd need to know and the schedules they'd have to have for the press hyping.  Which meant Peter had to find a disguise.  She didn't mind as long as he looked normal.  Xander could help, or Rick, or whoever he knew in the scary, retired spy community.

***

Peter walked up to Lorne at his bar.  "I need advice."

"I don't know what sort of presents to get a guy like Xander outside weapons."  He smiled.  "Or candy, he does have that well-known sweet tooth."

"I gave him native honey treats.  He about worshiped me for it."  He smirked.  "I have interviews."

"I heard it was being made into a movie."  He stared at him.  "Hair color?  Mustache?"

"Xander hates mustaches."

"We'll see what we can do about that."  They walked off together talking about the art of disguise, which neither one was spectacular at, but he knew someone who was.  It would ease some worry about agents hunting Peter down to kill him for daring to give interviews.

***

Xander looked up as Peter came off the elevator, head tipped to the side.  His hair was nearly black and his eyes looked darker.  That single change made him look very different.  "You look strange as a goth guy," he said but grinned.  Olivia was glaring at him and tapping a foot.  "That's Peter, Olivia."

She walked over and stared at him.  "Not Puppy!"

"I am so," he told her.  She pouted and stared at him.  "Is disguise so no bad people want to find me."

"You do look different," Xander assured him.  "Does it wash out?"

"Yes.  In two washes."  He smirked.  "Is food coloring based actually."

Xander beamed.  "Cool."  Olivia pouted at him.  "How did the interview go?"

"Very well.  Marigold was most kind and giggled when I said you told her hello."  He sat down, taking a kiss from Xander.  Olivia let out an outraged squeal and grabbed her foam 'staff' to beat him.  "Olivia," he warned.  She glared.  "Let me go shower out the color."  He went up to do that so she'd calm down.

Xander hugged her.  "That's still Peter, Olivia.  He's playing dress up.  Like you do at daycare."  She scowled.  He kissed her on the head.  She ran up to check on that stranger who had kissed her uncle.  He was washing his hair and the color was coming out.  It looked more like Puppy to her.  Then he did it again and now he really looked like him.  She snuck back out and went to call Grandpa.  He'd know what to do!

Xander's phone rang and he saw it was Dean so he answered it.  "Problems?" he asked.  He listened.  "It's his disguise, Dean.  Tell her to calm down.  It's like playing dress up. Yes.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Olivia, get off the phone!" he bellowed.  "You're not even a teenager yet!"

Peter came down toweling his hair.  "She's talking to John?"

"Yes!  Dean just called to make sure everything was all right."  He sighed and went to find her.  He hung up his room phone and put her in her room for that.  Then he went back downstairs.  "Apparently I have to write her a story about disguises too."

"Should write one for children of agents," Peter joked.

Xander stared at him and whimpered.  "Damn it, don't tempt the muses."  Peter chuckled but Xander had a really good idea.  Damn the muses that would rob him of snuggly boyfriend time!

The End.

Chapter 31: Someone Mistook Xander For A Nice Guy

It happens sometimes but when Wolfram and Hart come near Olivia.....

Xander walked up to Rick where he was researching in Tara's library.  "Are there actual agents with these names?"

He looked at the list, marking out a few.  "I know these ones."  He wrote that at the top and faxed it to his contact.  He paid the quarter fee on his way past the desk.  He got an email a few minutes later with some suggestions.  Xander grinned and took two of them, sending back a thank you.  "Why?" Rick asked casually.  "For the new series Paula was taunting me about?"

"No.  Something for Olivia and any other kids that might appear in the family some year."  He looked around then at him.  "Peter gave me the idea."  He walked off shaking his head, handing Tara Olivia's stack of books.  Then he went home to fix things.  She was teasing people at daycare today.  Peter was in DC for a few days.  So Xander was alone with his muses and the cats again.  Which was probably a bad idea but it happened sometimes.

***

Paula walked into the house a few hours later, after talking to Rick.  She got Xander's laptop from the office.  He was napping on the patio.  She found books she hadn't seen before, though they were all small files.  She copied them down.  Including the file that said 'for olivia'.  She walked off shaking her head.  Xander clearly needed to sleep more often since he didn't so much as move.  Since he was snoring she was sure he was still all right.

She went back to her office, settling in to look over the new things.  A few were starts of new novels; she discarded those.  She hadn't deleted anything on his hard drive so he still had copies.   The others were kid books.  She didn't know her prize author was writing children's books.  They weren't bad children's books.  She knew someone who dealt in children's books.  They were looking for new things and these weren't standard books.  They had things that were different themes.  Clearly to help Olivia figure things out that she thought were weird.

She called her contact.  "One of my authors has been writing his niece stories," she said in greeting.  "Seven so far.  Though it looks like he was working on one.  It was edited today."  She smiled.  "Sure, I could like that."  She hung up and got them arranged.  Two weren't really practical things for normal children who didn't have to worry about why Mommy and Daddy were putting on disguises.

***

Xander looked up from his editing when Paula sat down next to him that night after dinner.  He stared at her.  "What?"

"Children's books."

"Um...  Yeah, for Olivia."

"I know someone who loved them."  He looked confused.  "You didn't wake up when I snuck in to find them.  Rick told me."  She stared at him.  "She thought they were absolutely adorable.  Especially since they had kid-necessary lessons like 'don't touch Mommy's gun' and things."  Xander grinned.  "She wants to know what you were thinking about for likenesses and things."  He got into that folder and showed her.  "Awww."  She patted him on the head.  "Good author.  You used multi-cultural examples."

"Yeah.  One of Olivia's friends has a mom that works for the Chinese embassy but the only thing Olivia knows about the Chinese is the food."

"Which is a good thing."  She smiled.  "Nice job."

"Thank you.  I'm kinda worried that I'm going to turn her into a Spy Kid.  We were watching the movie and she was cackling at it, but Peter assured me that's not a real program.  Back in England in the day they used some genius teenagers but no one that young."

"It doesn't matter.  She'll be just like you and her aunt when she grows up.  Only more book oriented like Tara is."  She got up and walked off, liking that idea.  "Email me that file, Xander."

"Yes, Paula," he sighed once she was on the elevator.  "I didn't mean to make more work for her."  He did email Peter that because it was good news.  Plus kind of cute.

***

Tara looked at the new book order list and sighed.   It had been a few months since she had found out Xander was writing Olivia books.  "I didn't know he was going to publish those."  Her boss looked at her so she pointed.  "Xander wrote those for Olivia to explain some things in baby language.  They're adorable," she admitted.  "But a bit strange.  The last one went over why sometimes Daddy and Mommy had to do things like play dress up for work."

Her boss snickered.  "I'd like to proofread those."  She nodded, sending that to Xander's phone.  He emailed her a copy and the newest one.  She let her boss read them, watching her giggle her way through them.  "Those are adorable and probably good for any young children of agents or officers."  She ordered a set and got a few others.  Tara unchecked one with some white out and pointed behind her.  "One of his promo copies?"  Tara nodded, rolling her eyes.  "Is it good?"

"It's good but a bit... well, Rick decided to taunt him that he couldn't write things that made people hot."

"Oh!"  She picked up that book to read in her office.  Just to make sure it wasn't too risque for the library.

Tara finished up the order and put it into her boss's inbox then got what she needed to dust.  She still had some things she wanted and needed to think about.  She needed to make a decision about her baby envy issue.  Maybe she'd talk to her aunt?  Though she'd ignore all the 'you're still warping the calling' discussion they'd be sure to have.

***

Tara flopped down next to Alexis, giving her a short hug.  She looked at Martha.  "How do you fight baby envy?"

"It's not something I ever really had," Martha admitted.  "Because each time I thought they were adorable, I remembered how much of a pain my own was."

Tara smiled.  "You did good with him."

Alexis hugged her.  "Still got it?"  Tara nodded.  "How's it looking?"

"The doctor's sure I can if I want to.  I talked to my aunt, who kept nagging me about not being with someone.  When I pointed out why she shut up but now she's sure it'd be something she'd have to help end because I admitted I had a nightmare about it coming out a demon spawn."

"All babies are when they get colic," Martha told her.  "That's why they're so adorable."  Tara grinned and relaxed.  "Are you planning on it?"

"I'm... I've talked to my doctor about it and if it's doable, with all the problems that Sunnydale could have given me I needed to know if it was even an option."  The other ladies nodded.  "I've been thinking about it a lot actually.  Olivia's old enough to have a cousin she'll get to play with.  Xander would spoil the baby horribly."

"There's other things to think about," Alexis said.  "Like can we afford one?"

Tara nodded.  "I own the apartment and I do have some savings."

"Babies cost about two hundred thousand before college expenses," Martha told her.  "It goes up all the time though."  Tara winced.  "Not all up front of course, but over the course of their eighteen years."

"Which I'd need to plan for," she agreed.

"Plus you'd have to give up that nasty habit you have of helping during apocalypses," Martha reminded her.  "Right now, you're mostly watching Olivia for Xander during them but if one happens who's going to watch the baby?"

"That's a good point as well.  One my aunt tried to force me to see too because she hates that I'm a protector."

"Your aunt is being uptight again because you're not into her version of the Goddess," Alexis snorted.  "The Goddess was a warrior as well as a lover of nature."

"True.  She's very fierce, just look at hurricanes."  They smiled at her.  "I don't know.  I want, but I'm not sure that I want that badly."

"It's a big decision to make," Martha assured her, patting her on the wrist.  "Now, why are we meeting today?"

"Olivia's upcoming third birthday," she said with a smile.  Martha moaned.  "Xander doesn't want us to do anything too fancy or showy.  Her cousin wants her to have a party, again not fancy or showy.  I was thinking for the daycare kids but I don't know how to plan that.  We also have to plan Xander's birthday since he never celebrates it."  Martha laughed but nodded.  "Which is in three weeks.  He didn't even want me to make him a cake.  I told Peter and he thought Xander should since he's twenty-five.  And then I have to make him shop because of the red carpet thing coming up with the new DCIS movie, Peter's book is being made into a movie, and the banned book event is coming up as well.  Peter's not sure if he's going as his author self or as Xander's boyfriend."

"Is Xander on the list again?" Martha asked.

Alexis nodded.  "There were a few that questioned some of his in our school library," her granddaughter said with a grin.  "They were not happy their children were reading fantasy novels of all things."

"He's got the books he wrote for Olivia coming out soon."  They both smiled at her.  "I think they're adorable and all but I'm not sure how they'll work with normal kids.  Because I know Olivia's not exactly a normal child."

Martha smiled.  "Some of them were very adorable and seemed to nudge the children very easily."  They ordered when the waiter came over then got down to plotting.  It's what women did best sometimes.

***

Peter looked at Xander.  "What do you want for your birthday?"

"What birthday?  I was hatched from an egg," he said dryly, still typing.

Peter took the laptop and looked at him.  "Your hatching day then.  What do you want?"

He shrugged.  "I honestly don't celebrate it, Peter.  We can go out to dinner if you want."

"We should."  He smiled.  "Nothing bad will happen if we do celebrate it."

Xander sighed.  "It's still not something I do."

"That is because those girls were not good."  He took a kiss.  "What do you want beyond dinner?"

"World peace?"

"Would force many of my successors out of a job," he said dryly, staring at his boyfriend.  "Anything you wish for?"

"I don't use that word.  I know what happens when you use the w-word.  Wish demons show up to say 'wish granted' and then things go strange."

"You are avoiding topic."

Xander huffed but nodded.  "I don't really celebrate it.  I haven't since I was five."

"We will celebrate this year," he ordered gently, taking a kiss afterward.  "With gooey cake even."  Xander moaned because Peter had introduced him to a fantastic cake maker that made the best gooey, chocolate cake he'd ever had.  "We will get one for us, and one for baby and Tara."  He grinned.  "Then baby can go stay with Tara that night?"

"Sure.  That'd be good."  A cat hopped up behind them and walked past, flicking them with her tail.  "Thanks, Homer, really.  Great way to make me feel smutty."  Peter took another kiss and handed back the laptop.  "What was I writing?"

Peter looked then at him.  "Another thing with smutty thoughts to taunt Rick with or make Beckett moan about CSI elves."

"Oh, yeah."  He went back to it.  This agent got a lot more than he ever had. From nicer people as well.  He'd ignore the whole nasty topic of his birthday until he got to spread some of that cake on his boyfriend.

***

Peter found Tara in the library, handing her a small takeout box.  "His chosen cake."

She smiled.  "Not something decorated?"

He winked.  "He adores that."  He went to find a book to read.  Xander was writing again today and he was bored.

She looked at him.  "He'd go do things if you wanted to," she reminded him.

"He must write.  Paula said so.  Tomorrow we go do things."  She pointed and he went to a section he had missed before.  Xander had introduced him to some very good fantasy authors he had avoided most of his life.  One had a new book out in a series he had come to like so he'd try that one.  There was also a new one on Russian history which gave him the opportunity to snort at the inaccurate details they put forth.  He checked them out and went home.  Xander was spread out on the couch with a cold washcloth over his eyes.  "Bad vision?" he asked, moving it aside.  "Or did someone gas you?"  The skin was lightly burned and looked like it hurt.

"I took out the trash and one of the idiots who owns the factories across the street pepper sprayed me for some damn reason," he sighed.  "They're also arrested."

"You should buy them out and banish them."

"I should, yeah, but I can't do that.  They're not for sale.  Unfortunately I'm not as rich as some people so I can't make them an offer they can't refuse either."  He moved his feet, letting Peter sit down.  "There's two of them and I don't know why they hate me but I don't really care."

"If they show up, I will protect you."  Xander stared at him, looking happy but confused.  Peter stroked his leg.  "Go back to resting."  Xander nodded. Peter called Paula.  "Is us.  Xander has been pepper sprayed by his neighbor."  He listened.  "Hmm, interview might be a hard thing today, especially on the air."  Xander winced, shaking his head.  "I'm sure he can but he does have burns, Paula.  I can do that.  We can both go."  Olivia pounced him.  "Why are you not in daycare?"

"They had a water line break.  I had them send her to me in a cab since I can't see well enough to drive."

"Ah."  He hugged her.  "We can do that, yes.  Thank you, Paula."  He hung up.  "She'll see if they still want to do it, even with the burns.  Have you put on aloe gel?"

"I did and it helped some.  So did some tylenol."  He let Olivia climb on him to cuddle.  "That's my girl."

"She suggested we could both go together but that means I have to get into character."

"Olivia could help, that way she quits worrying about that not being you."

"She could, yes.  Olivia, let us go color my hair."  He got up and took her with him.  She got him a towel when he asked for one and they did that together.  She looked very confused but when he dried it, she realized the 'not Puppy' was actually him.  She ran off to call John and babble that at him.  He smiled.  "That solved that worry of hers," he decided, cleaning up any drips and then picking out his clothes.  He had a whole rack of interview clothes.  "If he was feeling better I would wear suit that would make him drool," he decided.  "Instead, I will be....  Hmm."  He had too many choices.

"Paula said to wear something really nice," Xander said as he walked past the doorway.  "Olivia, get off the phone.  You're not a teenage girl yet, quit calling people.  Even Grandpa."  He hung up when she blew kisses into it.  He took her to help him pick out what he was wearing.   "Pick me out something pretty for an interview, 'Liv.  Uncle Xander can't see real well today."

She looked in his closet then tugged on something, letting him pull it out since she couldn't reach the bar.  She stared at the purple shirt then got him a gray pair of pants.  She had a dress in those colors that everyone said she looked very pretty in it.  So her uncle could look pretty too.  She ran into Peter's room and did the same thing, earning a smile and him choosing that.  They got her dressed afterward and went to the interview.

The makeup person stared at Xander.  "Oh, dear.  What happened?"

"There's two factory owners across the street from me and they hate me for some reason," Xander said dryly.  "I was taking out the trash and one ran up to pepper spray me.  Of course, a few months back I had him arrested for trying to pounce me to beat my ass thanks to his crack habit, which fell out of his pocket."  He grinned.  Then rubbed his cheek.

She got something from the refrigerator and smoothed it on, making him sigh in pleasure.  "I can't do much to cover that but we'll see what we can do."  She looked at Peter.  "You need to brush the color out after you apply it," she chided, putting a smock on him to do that for him.  That way nothing got on his clothes.  "You're both dressed fairly well."

"Olivia picked it out," Xander said with a grin.  "Because my eyes are still watering."

"She did a good job."  She finished them up and went to tell the interviewing reporter about that.  It sounded like a good story to her.

Peter helped Xander out to the stage.  "Here, one author."

"Two of us," Xander said with a grin for him.

"True, I am an author as well."  He was using a fake accent, very British at the moment.  The reporter stared at him.  He beamed.  "Peter Yurchenko."

"Oh, my."  She shook his hand with a smile.  "Paula said I'd get to meet you today since Alexian wasn't in the best shape.  Pepper spray?"  He nodded, leaning on the table.  "Let's get you guys seats."  Her production assistant brought out stools.  Peter helped Xander onto his.  "So this is....."  She waved a hand.  Xander smiled and nodded.  She looked at him.  "Clearly not your natural color," she muttered.  He rolled his eyes.  "I can work with that."  She winked.  "I've heard rumors that you were underground for some reason so I won't ask."  She got her notes and the producer cued the camera.  They were both easy to interview and Xander's quip about the neighborhood crackhead was not nice of him but hopefully it'd help.

Of course, someone tried to take a shot at them when they tried to leave.  Which pissed Peter off.  Yeah, he was clearly Xander's sort of dangerous guy.

Who knew Xander could swear in nine languages?  Especially when he caught the idiot with his boyfriend.  The reporter had followed along and it was a very good story.

***

Paula walked off the elevator and outside to look at them.  "Should I even mention that they caught you beating the crap out of whoever shot at you?"

"No," Xander said.

Peter shook his head.  "I would have shot them back if they were not on top of building."

"Ditto," Xander agreed.

She huffed and swatted Xander on the head.  "That brings bad publicity."

"She followed us, we didn't invite her," Xander quipped, blinking at her.  "Anything on my neighbors?"

"They've decided he's an idiot," she assured him.  "The reporter dug up all the other times you've had him arrested.  She was very amused I'm told."  She smiled at Peter.  "Nice job today."  He grinned.  Olivia was trying to be sneaky but she caught her and tickled her, making her run off squealing.  "Are you going to be all right, Xander?"  He nodded.  "Should I even ask if you have that chapter done?"

He stared at her.  Then pointed at his laptop.  "You seem able to grab things off it."  She got into it and looked over the current stories he was working on.  He looked at Peter.  "Am I buying dinner?"

"Or I could," Peter offered.

"Food!" Olivia squealed, running and pouncing Peter.  "Food, Puppy!"  She beamed.

"Are you hungry?" he teased, smiling at her.

"Probably.  I know she got into the fridge for lunch," Xander admitted.  "I'm pretty sure she got fruit because I stepped on a few squishy, cold things."  Peter shuddered, looking around.  "What sort of food should we have, 'Liv?"

"Food!" she said firmly, nodding.

"Do you want Chinese food?  Hamburgers?  Orc food?"  She pouted and huffed, looking at Peter.

"I do not know what Orc food is so cannot order it," he assured her.

She kissed him on the cheek.  "Food."

He pulled out his phone and grabbed the phone book to look. "Pizza?"  She shook her head.  "Hamburgers?"  She shook her head again.  "Chinese?"  She shook her head more quickly.  "Then what do you want to eat?"

"Food!"

"Apparently we should've named you Seymour," Xander complained.  "'Liv, pick a food or I will.  Peter can always feed me real pizza and make me happy."  She stared at him then at Peter, looking pitiful.  "What do you want to eat then?"

"Girl food!"  She beamed.

"Girls eat pizza.  I do a lot," Paula assured her.  Olivia scowled at her, making her grin.  "You're nearly as fierce as Rick is, dear."  She went back to proofreading.  "Xander, why is he diddling an agent?"

"To prove he's the better one.  Pretty soon the agent's going to break, beg, and then be discovered.  He's not really a likeable guy."

"No, he's not," Peter admitted.  "What is girl food?"

"Salad," Xander said dryly.  "With the occasional donut and chocolate tossed in."

"Order her a salad from the pizza place," Paula suggested.  "That should soothe her."

"We have salad things," Peter admitted.  He got up to make her one and called in an order for pizza.  He could go pick it up.  She hugged him and settled down on the coffee table to eat her girl food.  He had let her pick her dressing and she liked the caesar so that was fine with him.  Not like she was getting fat.

Xander used his phone to take a picture of her eating and titled it then sent it to Tara, who sent back a giggle and a smiley face.  Olivia stared at him, head tipped to the side.  "Showing Auntie Tara that you like her girl food too."  She beamed and dug in, eating with her fingers but she wasn't three yet.  They wouldn't say much to her about it.

Peter left to get the pizza and came back to a holy mess.  He stared at the mess.  "Xander?" he called, putting down the pizza.  He pulled his gun and walked around, checking the various rooms.  Most you could see into.  He found Olivia in a cabinet sucking her thumb.  "Stay," he ordered quietly, shutting her back in.  He went outside.  He heard the fight and walked up there, shooting the person who was trying to attack Xander.   Xander panted, looking at him.  "Did he cause the mess?"

"No, the three demons he summoned did.  They ran from me though.  Them escaping caused the mess."  He straightened up.  "Olivia?" he called, heading back downstairs.  Peter showed him and he cuddled her.  "Such a good girl to hide," he whispered, holding her tightly.  "I'm going to kill that fucker if he didn't.  He shouldn't have scared you that way.  We'll get John to reward the house."  She cuddled back, clinging to him.

"When did this happen?" Peter asked calmly.

"About two minutes after Paula left, which was right after you."  He looked at him.  "Can you call someone?"  He nodded, moving to do that while Xander got Olivia calmed down.  It almost made Xander sniffle when she wanted to check Peter over too, cooing and fussing over him.  Xander left long enough to let the officers up, coming back to find Olivia waiting.  He picked her back up and sat down to cuddle her.  His mega witch girly-girl niece was just great to fuss over them right now.

"Sir, this pizza, was that their ruse?" one of the officers asked.

"No, Peter went to pick it up," Xander said.  "They got in within two minutes of my publisher leaving so I'm guessing the door caught slightly or something."  They nodded, going to check on him.  He was injured, which got them scowled at.  Xander looked at them.  "What?"

"You didn't tell us he was injured, sir."

"I would've killed him," Xander admitted.

"I would have but it was a bad angle and might have hit you as well," Peter told them.  They all stared at him.  "Some of us are trained."

"With what he used to date, I'm hoping you're on the lighter end of the spectrum."  Olivia scowled and moved to hug him.  "Never mind, she apparently loves you already, sir."  They let the ambulance crew up and got the mess cleaned up.  Then they left after the tiny bit of paperwork.

Xander's phone rang.  "Paula, Beckett, or Beckett's minions?" he guessed.

Peter found it and looked.  "Minions."  He answered it.  "We are all fine.  Olivia was in cabinet hiding.  I shot the one that Xander was struggling with after the three demons disappeared."  He hung up.  He got the pizza and they sat down to eat it together.  Olivia kept sneaking pieces of cheese and toppings but that was what girls did as far as Xander knew.  Peter would work on her manners later on.

***

Beckett strolled into the cell block hospital, staring at the idiot in the bed.  "So what was the bright idea?"  The man sneered.  "Because I'm sure the judge will want to know as well."

"I have the right to remain silent," he sneered.

"Yes you do."  She smirked.  "Of course, since Xander reported the demons you summoned to try to take him and his niece out...."  He smirked.  She sneered.  "You won't win.  Even if he can't get you, Tara will.  She's not hindered by things like being across the city."  He went pale.  "Plus there's a whole lot of people who like the kid who'd be more than happy to help.  Including most of the demon underground in this city."  She stared at him.  "So, what was the bright idea again?"

"He shouldn't be there.  If he wasn't there, then we could get rid of all that foulness in the warehouse," he spat.  He tried to move but he was strapped down.  "It doesn't belong there."

"It's been there since the early eighteen hundreds," she told him.  "I looked."  He growled.  "Beyond that, if something happens to Xander, the warehouse goes to someone stronger, a demon hunter who's been doing it his whole life.  I'm sure Sam would be more than handy at keeping it safe."

"Oh hell no!" a demon shouted as he appeared.  "That will not happen in my lifetime!"

She looked at him.  "Lower your voice," she sneered.  He flinched back.  "Xander's said that if something happens to him, the house goes to Tara and Olivia while the warehouse goes to Sam Winchester."  She smirked.  "He thinks that Tara would probably let him live up there too.  She might."

"No," the demon moaned.  "I can't let that happen.  Too many bad things want the warehouse!"  He stared at her.  "Please?"

"You can have him switch it to Dean," she offered.

"At least most of the higher ups don't want Dean as their consort."  He looked toward the warehouse and house.  "We like the house being up there.  It gives it extra protection.  We cannot let Samuel hold it though.  It would bring greater danger."

"If you try to make him immortal, he will kill every single demon on this plane and all the others," Beckett warned.  "He's finally found a decent boyfriend, who Olivia loves, and doesn't need that sort of stress."

He looked at her.  "I know he'd kill all of us, leaving me for last to watch as he destroyed everyone.  Beyond that, the Highest of All Planes have gotten together to make a list of people they never want to gift, grant wishes to, or go near.  He and all three Winchesters are on it."

"I'm sure they'd be proud," she smarted back.

The demon looked at him.  "You will be sentenced in our courts."

"He's due to be arraigned in ours tomorrow.  Have your prosecutor get with ours," she ordered.  He groaned but nodded, disappearing again.  She smirked at the unlucky bastard.  "Feel better?  You nearly got Harris made immortal."  He shuddered.  Two demons in guard uniforms showed up.  "Until they take official custody from our court system, with a judge's agreement, he's under NYPD authority," she said.

They nodded.  "We are making sure our future prisoner is not able to escape, Great Beckett.  We respect all NYPD officers and our own courts wish to be much like yours."

She smiled.  "Tell the warden."  One went to tell him that while she went home.  That was so sweet of them to screw up that way.

***

Xander walked out of the house a few days after the attack to take out the trash and found a lurker.  "Yes, Miss Wester?" he asked, looking at her.

"You take out your own trash?"

"Yes, because Olivia isn't old enough to have more chores than putting her clothes in her basket yet," he said dryly.  "Is there a problem?"

"Is he good to you?"  Xander nodded, staring at her.  "He makes you happy, all that?"

"Yes, and I hope I do the same for him," he said quietly.  "Why?"

"Someone started to wonder."  She held up the paper.

"Huh, I was wondering why we didn't get it today."  He took it to look at the pictures.  "Shank?" he called.  He came out of the elevator a minute later, taking the paper to groan at.  "This is Miss Wester.  She's with Channel 3 but she's also in the kitten poker circuit."

"They're really good information sources," she agreed, smiling at the boyfriend.  "So... some do realize I'm sure."  He stared at her.  "That would mean you could get rid of the silly hair color.  Since I'm pretty sure that's why Xander here started to write children's books about what spy mommies and daddies do."  He shrugged.  Xander walked the trash off.  "I'm not going to blab.  Frankly, you're not on my caseload.  I handle the apocalypse battles we get and things like that, not former spies turned nicer."

"That picture is actually my nephew," he said smugly.

"I've seen your nephew if you're talking about Mickey.  I was covering a few different stories where his boss was working on something."  She stared at him.  "The only reason I'm here is to warn Xander, which kills a poker debt I owe."  Xander snickered at that, shaking his head.  "And to tell you that the demon courts petitioned to get the idiot who broke in.  They decided him trying to make you turn the warehouse over to Sam Winchester was evil.  They're going to charge him with endangering all of humanity and demonkind."  She looked at Shank again.  "It's going to be asked."

"I will deny," he assured her.

"That's your thing but remember, movies of books means red carpets, more interviews, and the banned book event since Xander's on the list again."  She strolled off.

"Where am I this time?" Xander called.

"Same place you were last year."

"Thanks.  Though I don't have tickets yet."  He looked at Peter.  "I leave that totally up to you because it's your former bosses who'd throw fits or try to kill you."  He took a kiss and smiled.  "I think you look hot either way, Peter.  And in any version of you that you choose to play with that day."

Peter smirked.  "Is too windy for golf."

"Olivia's going to daycare in about an hour."  He smirked.  "Gym?"

"Gym," he agreed.  They went upstairs and Shank wrote a few people to warn them someone was speculating.  "Interesting that an agent from the CIA outed me," he decided.

Xander looked over his arm.  "Even Rick couldn't find something nice to say about his book."  He sat up again, listening upstairs.  Olivia was playing at being asleep.  "I guess I'll have to eat Olivia's food myself," he called.  She ran down the stairs to save her breakfast and sat down to eat, getting quiet orders from Peter about manners.  Xander looked at him.  "I didn't even learn that."

"Girls should have better manners than boys," he said with a smile.  "Is how they learn to train later boyfriends."

"Huh.  Okay."  He settled in to read until she was done.  "Bath time," he said when she burped.  She pouted.  He stared at her.  "We're going to the gym and you know you can't come with us, Olivia."  She went up to start her bath.  He followed to help her.  "You like daycare."

"Bad people," she told him, staring at him.

"No, the bad people won't come back.  The bigger demons got mad at them and took them to the demon courts."  He tweaked her nose.  "They'll never come back again.  Even if they did, I'd beat them up.  Uncle Peter would too."  She nodded, letting him give her a bath.  He even did her hair pretty like she liked.  He gave her a choice of outfit, which made her scowl and grab something else.  He got her dressed in the tunic and leggings outfit, letting her pick out a belt.

"Red and purple?" he asked, looking at it.  "Wear the black one.  It matches."  She beamed and put that on, then skipped down the stairs to chase the cats for a bit.  Xander grinned, going down to take her to daycare.  She ran in to find the books.  He paused the room worker that was part of Tara's coven.  "We had a break in," he said quietly.  "I've reassured her but if she gets antsy have her call.  We'll be at the gym."  She nodded, going to peel Olivia off the fish tank again.  He went back home, getting changed so they could go work out together.  It was nice having someone there.  He even got an email off to John Sheppard and one to Sam.

***

John Sheppard read his email, staring at the screen.  Xander's subject line of 'I finally found a good one' was interesting.  He got into it and blinked at the information it contained, which was almost nothing beyond his name and that he had a hot accent, plus played golf.  He called in Radek Zelenka, one of their scientists who was Czech.  Maybe he had heard of him.

Radek read over his arm, nodding. "I have heard of him but do not know anything.  Might ask Great Loud One.  He did spend time working in Russia."  He paged him and shrugged.  "Is this good or bad news?"

"Probably good.  Xander has had some disastrous evil things trying to date him.  Worse than the wraith in a few cases and I hadn't known that was possible."  Rodney walked in already huffy.  "Do you know this guy?" he asked.  He let him read the email.

Rodney grimaced.  "I do actually.  He protected me once when the lab was almost overthrown by the Russian Mafia.  Got me back to some US agents."  He considered it.  "He's definitely a step up for Xander's usual dates."  John grinned at him.  "Though he's not *bad*, I'm hoping he's retired."

"Read further.  He's a writer now too."

"I guess everyone wants to be an author," he quipped.  He read that part and winced.  "That poor man.  Interviews suck."  He sent back a message to their friend and left it there.  He walked off shaking his head.  "Radek, we still have to fix that other generator."

"Coming."  He followed, not even trying to hide his smile.  It was cute to see Rodney flustered.

John sent his own email back congratulating him for having found someone worthy of him and who liked his writing too.  Then he went to tell Ronon that Xander was now taken.  Which was a pity.  Xander had calmed Ronon down after their night of trysting.  He had been calm for nearly two whole weeks.  Even when the team was taken hostage.

***

Xander looked at the computer.  "I didn't know that Rodney was the sort to give the shovel talk," he murmured.  Peter looked at him.  "Rodney, who went on that signing trip with me, said hi."

"Rodney...."

"McKay?"  He let him see the email.

"Hmm, the ego that eats like a horse," he muttered.  "Is nice to know where he is."

"He's working with John Sheppard."

Peter smiled.  "Is good for him then I suppose."  He handed the laptop back.  "You didn't think he was that sort of friend?"

"He never wanted to hang out with me.  Even after LA's battle, he kind of avoided me most of the time."

"It could be that he was worried about calming down."

"I guess.  He taught me a few things while we were traveling."  He wrote one back, but didn't let on that he was wondering why Rodney had given the shovel talk.  "How did you two meet?"

"He was working in Russia in a lab.  Mafia wanted their results and scientists to make weapons.  Was asked to rescue them as a favor to an agent over here."

"That's reasonable I guess."  They both looked at the porch when a thump happened.  "I could've sworn the fire escape was up."  They got up.  Xander got into his research cabinet.

Peter looked, nodding in appreciation.  "Is a nice collection to pet for inspiration."  Xander beamed and grabbed an assault rifle, heading out to see who it was.  Peter had his usual guns already in hand.  "Cash!" Peter complained.

Xander put the rifle on his shoulder, staring at him.  "You couldn't ring the bell?"

"Testing it," he said, staring at them.  Xander's gun got a long look.  "Where did you get that?"

"Kitten poker."

"There's been a lot of questions about the current weapons pipeline that stays down here."

"You could not call?" Peter guessed.

"No, I couldn't call.  Micah got chewed on by someone who demanded we come ask."

Xander nodded.  "I sent you one of the goats."

"I was wondering about that," he admitted.  He stared at him, smiling slightly.  "Max found one of the lumps and we had a vet cut it out.  It freaked her out a little bit.  She's... by the book most of the time."

Xander nodded.  "I know people like that."  He walked off.  "We haven't thought about lunch yet and Olivia's coming back in a few hours."

"Sure," he decided, looking at Shank.  "How did he find the office's address?" he mouthed.

"Poker circuit."  He smirked as he walked off.  "If I played poker better, I'd ask to be taken to kitten games," he said, kissing Xander on the temple before going to look in his 'research cabinet'.  "Very interesting collection for research."  Xander grinned.  "Bullets?"  Xander pointed.  He found the rest of the hidden weapons he hadn't looked at before.  Xander was ready in case anything might happen.

Peter found his special axe and stared at it.  "She is beautiful."  Xander beamed.  "May I?"  Xander nodded so he pulled it out to look it over.  It was hefty but balanced nicely in his hand.  The grip was textured to help you keep your grip.  He put it back and closed the cabinets, smiling at him.  "Is a nice collection."  Xander beamed and took a kiss.  "Are the circuit watching them?"

"One of them thinks his partner Max is hot.  And there's one that has a Mortal Kombat fetish and thinks he's him."

Lorne shook his head quickly.  "I think I've met him."  He sat down to ask Xander questions about the poker circuit's various connections and those that weren't involved, from the more mafia and evil contingent.  It was a long, good talk.  Peter got to pick up Olivia and she came in to scowl at him.  He smiled at her and waved.  "I'm not mean, Olivia.  I'm asking your uncle about the poker circuit."  She huffed but got something to nibble on and came out to sit beside her uncle to make sure he'd be all right.  When Peter sat on her other side it was nice.  He'd protect the uncle too.  Until she was sure this one would appreciate how pretty and good she was, she'd be cautious about him.  You never knew when a bad guy would try to make her and her uncle not pretty.

***

Xander walked into the convention with a grin and a huge bag.  "Research panel?" he asked when he signed in.

"There, Mr. Harris."  The sign-in clerk pointed.

"Thank you."  He walked to that room.  "Research?"  They nodded.  He grinned and walked up to the stage.  The other one up there beamed at him and shook his hand.  "What did we need help with?"  He smiled at the crowd.  "Hi, guys.  I'm Alexian Harris, her research helper today."  A few moaned and one whimpered.  He grinned.

"I asked Alexian to bring in some reference samples."

"Most of you apparently write fantasy stuff so you should know what you're writing.  You can't really write a sword if you've never handled one."  He opened the bag and pulled out the first one.  "I brought in a few samples."  He pulled out another one.  "This is a long sword, usually a two-handed one.  This other one is a short sword.  They're actual, ancient, were-used swords."  A few moaned.

"These are typical and about average of what the usual person would have used.  Though, mostly swords were used by the richer people.  Swords are expensive to make so the farmer folk got to use weapons they were more used to, or if they were conscripted into the military they were given things that were cheaper, like pikes and truncheons.  I couldn't bring those in but I have the head of one so you can imagine that on top of a long pole."

He waved them up.  "Come up and touch, guys.  These are sharp but I won't let you cut anything off."  The crowd came up to handle them.  "See the weight?"  He helped a girl change her grip.  "Like that," he said quietly.  "Feel the weight?"  She nodded, looking at him.  "Imagine that on your back for ease of traveling.  On your hip was nice but it'd change how you walk and that was when you were going to be in a battle."

"So you'd carry this on your back mostly, and ride?" the girl asked.

"If you were rich enough to have a horse.  Horses, like swords, are expensive.  Back then, the main salary was maybe a half-dollar equivalent a day.  Horses cost at least two hundred, for the most placid farm beasts, to over a thousand for the best riding things.  Most of the ones that were mounted were lesser nobles that bought their way into the military or into training.  The basic people, the farmer folk, generally walked or maybe if they were lucky there was a farm horse's offspring that wasn't really meant for working so they got that.  Which then led to training."

"Wow," the other author said with a smile.  "I heard him speak about ancient things at the big convention in LA a few years back.  He pointed out that the regular people didn't have china, used about two sets of pots at the most usually, that they all had limited clothes.  A lot of their things they had to make themselves."

"If you couldn't make it yourself you had to trade to get it usually.  Cash was a lot more scarce than trade goods."  They nodded and moved back.  "This is a pike head," he said, pulling that out.  "This would be jammed on top of a long pole.  The shortest was usually about three and a half feet, but the longer pikes could be up to about six feet."

"Did the weight pull it down?" another of the wanna be authors asked.

Xander nodded.  "You got used to the heavier end.  The militaries did train their people in how to use it.  Their version of basic training was getting everyone used to their weapon as they traveled.  Which was on your feet usually.  The Great One, Lackey, got a lot of historical stuff right."  He grinned.  "I heard she did the historical faires as well."

They sat down again, letting him put up his samples.

"How long can you actually use a sword in a battle?" one girl asked.

"That depends on your training, your stamina, and how sweaty you're getting."  Xander looked across the group.  "Me, personally, I can use my axe for about an hour before I need a slight rest.  Of course, if it's necessary I'll go until it drops because I can't hold it any more.  The shorter sword weighs less than my axe.  The longer was about the same weight.  Then again, I have a few years of experience with swords and I used to work construction."  They nodded.  "The average, trained warrior, with more than a year of training, could probably do about the same thing.  A new warrior, just picking it up?  He'd probably be more likely to stab off his aim or even hurt himself the first few times.  It takes you a few days at the least to realize there's *two* cutting edges.  Even the slayer I worked with rested the blade against her leg and cut herself accidentally."  A few giggled.  He pointed at someone.  "Question?"

"How did you learn?"

"Necessity in Sunnydale."  He grinned.  "It comes in real handy sometimes."  A few others laughed.  He pointed at another one.

"What about bows?"

"Bows are nice," he admitted.  "They're good, multipurpose weapons.  Because if you have to, you can unstring it and use the string to make small animal traps.  Long bows you put on like a messenger bag, with the wooden handle behind you.  You put the quiver underneath it, because otherwise you have to struggle to get it off."  He grinned.  "Crossbows, most of them have a ring you can hang from your belt or saddle.  Their arrows are smaller so the quiver can be smaller and some actually had covers that tied down.  They were weather-seasoned with oiled canvas or leather tops overtop to keep the arrows dry.  I would've carried my quiver on my horse for quick drawing but that's just me."  He pointed at another one.

"Cloaks?"

"Mostly oiled canvas in case of rain or snow.  Heavy wool was also common.  That'd be rough spun, heavy, warm, sometimes oiled to keep out rain as well if you could only have one."  That got a nod.  "Cloaks could be fancy if you liked to embroider them or had a sister or mother that could.  They could be as plain as basically a blanket that got tied around your throat."  He grinned.  "Hood over your head, tie under your chin to keep it in place.  Pin to hold it closed below that if you wanted it.  That could be as fancy as you wanted or needed.  Back then, jewelry was like ready cash.  People didn't really want to carry gold but if you were wearing jewelry, you could trade that for goods, services, or necessary things."

"So, back then the gold standard was coins," the girl said.  Xander nodded with a grin.  "But coins were mostly for the nobles?"

"Mostly.  Even your taxes you paid as a part of your harvest or so many calves if you had cows.  Baby goats sometimes."  They all nodded.  "The average person didn't really get to see too many coins."

"How often did people interbreed?" one asked.

Xander smirked.  "Well, most people didn't move too far from their birthplace.  Maybe to the same town, or maybe a few miles away.  It wasn't really until the age of exploration that people really *left home* for somewhere else.  So yeah, there were only so many families in a town there was probably some intermarrying.  I'm pretty sure there was someone who was keeping track of that.  Back then it was family bibles or oral histories from the grandparents."  That got a nod.

"You did get some people that up and left because they didn't want to farm of all things, or they wanted to be healers so they went to apprentice with one.  That's also one reason why trading faires were important.  You got to meet people from other towns that came to trade.  You got to meet people that might've come from other places.  It was also a good reason to let one of your sons be taken into the military.

"Not only was that a constant paycheck, which a lot of got sent back to the family, but it was also a way for one of the sons to marry outside the family's hometown.  Back then, farms required a lot of kids to keep running and expand.  The kids did the chores, helped plant and harvest, the girls helped spin or weave.  The boys helped carve wooden utensils or helped form clay ones if they used them."

"So girls didn't really get a choice," one of them said.

"In later colonial times, girls sometimes got to be teachers, but those were mostly not farm girls.  It wasn't until the US that we really started to educate women by the community.  Girls needed to know enough to read recipes if there were some, to figure up their totals for trading, to keep track of household expenses, and to label things.  Boys got about the same sort though."

"So farm kids got practical learning, rich kids got book learning," the boy said.

"With a few exceptions.  During the winter months, when nothing was going on beyond animal maintenance, a lot of farm kids took lessons at the local church with the priests.  Some that could afford it, they sent their kids to real schools during those times.  Some when there were thin times on the farm.  Mostly still the boys but some girls did take more lessons.  They learned to read from the bible, either from the priest or their mother usually.  The training from the priests also let them learn new ideas in farming or spinning from other areas.  Because priests got news from others in other areas or had traveled themselves."  The boy grinned.  "By today's standards they'd probably be in the second-grade level of reading for the farm kids with some practical lessons in biology, chemistry, and building or geometry."

The girl raised her hand.  "What about doctors?"

"They were *real* rare and only for strange problems, really bad problems, or surgeries.  They were expensive, spread pretty far apart.  A lot were only in cities.  So for things like childbirth there was someone experienced, maybe with some training maybe just had a bunch of kids.  For things like birth defects, the parents made due unless it was something that they thought could be corrected easily.  Because no antibiotics meant that surgery was really dangerous."

"For my story, what do you think someone from, say, the late eighteen hundreds would think about today's life?" she asked.

"They'd probably think we were pretty strange with all the hand washing and pretty spoiled about not having to be in the field all day long."  He grinned.  "Because they didn't use paper towels to open the outhouse door.  They didn't do more than toss some lye down the outhouse hole every few months.  You got a weekly bath during the summer, or a monthly one during the winter because you were scared of pneumonia.  Some religious orders did make them take baths weekly, that whole 'cleanliness is next to godliness' thing."  She nodded.

"They also wore the same clothes repeatedly before washing because washing was such a pain in the ass.  It took all day to scrub them on ribbed boards or bang them on rocks to agitate the dirt out.  Then a while to dry."  She nodded at that, taking notes.  "If they weren't more wealthy, from at least a merchant sort of family, then they'd probably be really confused about a lot of things they didn't even think was possible."

"What are outhouses like?" one asked.

"Ever been in a campground one?"  He shook his head.  "Port-a-potty?"  He nodded.  "That without being pumped.  Sending down the lye every once in a while kept the stink down but it was still nasty.  And trust me, if you had the runs, having to run a few feet outside the house each time you had to go got real tiring."

"I've seen some ancient farmhouses that had them next to the barn so the stink didn't invade the house," the other author said.  "That's a good two hundred foot run or so."   One moaned, shaking his head. "I'm pretty sure that's why they're nicknamed 'the runs'."

"Especially if you're wearing something like butt-flap long johns or a shift," Xander agreed.  "Plus, think about how many layers women had to wear and pull out of the way."  The girl in there shuddered.  He grinned. "At least we gave up corsets for the most part."

"Thankfully," she agreed.  "I'd die."

He nodded.  "And you'd be married by now with at least a few kids."

"No thanks."  The guys laughed.  "Forks?"

"Sometime in the middle ages.  Before then a belt knife and spoon.  You carried them with you on your waist.  Finger bowls at more fancy places."

"How did they get water for dishes and washing if there was no plumbing?" one guy asked.

"The huge pump in the yard," the other author told him.  "I know from one my aunt has that still works that it takes two or three to prime it and then another three to four to fill a bucket."

"A usual sized bucket of water weighs about as much as two gallons of milk," Xander said.  "That was usually the kid's chore, usually the girls.  Then you warmed it on the hearth or boiled it.  Though dishes sometimes got sanded then washed."

"Eww," one of the boys muttered, shaking his head.

Xander grinned.  "You can't wash cast iron in soapy water or you lose the seasoning.  You can't wash fired clay dishes either.  Not the same way we do today."

"My grandmother said she boiled the water, poured it over the soap she scraped into the sink, then washed the dishes.  The cast iron got scraped clean and reoiled for storage," the other author told them.  "If you wash it with soap, it kills the coating that made it non-stick."

"Also, real cast iron, the old stuff, was heavy," Xander said.  "Even to me it's heavy.  The more modern ones are thinner, maybe half as thin.  The old ones lasted for generations unless you had to kill someone with it.  And then it still probably just got cleaned up, reseasoned, and then put back into use.  The dutch ovens were hefty, the pot was usually just as heavy, and usually you had a roasting sort of pan.  Frying pans came later when you started to cook on stoves instead of over the hearth fire."

"Wow," one of the guys said.

"The whole contents of the house, minus things like the bed frames or any furniture, could fit in the back of a farm cart," Xander said.  "With room to ride on top of it for the kids."

"Beds?" one of the guys asked.

"Semi-deep box on short legs that you filled with a canvas bag you stuffed with hay," the other author said with a smile.  "Depending on when and which culture you're talking about it could hold all the family, all the boys or girls, or just the parents.  You slept width-wise so you fit more into it.  Some classical literature mentions things like that and were written in that time period."

Someone opened the door.  "Oh, you're not done yet?"

"Not quite," Xander said with a smile.  "Which one's coming in here?"

"Demons versus aliens."  She paused to stare at him.  "Are you on that panel?"

"No, I was only asked to come to the research panel."  He grinned.  She beamed and left.  "So, it looks like our time is nearly up," he said, cracking a few up.  "Last question, guys?"  No one said anything.  "Then have a nice day with the rest of the seminars and the geek things."  They filed out.  He smiled at the other author.  "I'm the only one with swords?"

"As far as I know the rest have fan blade sorts."

He shrugged and grinned.  "My boyfriend loves my research cabinet."

She laughed.  "Good for you, Alexian."  She helped him pick up things and then they turned the room over.  He went to lunch and got asked to sign a few books while in there.  She went to her next panel.  Alexian really was a decent teacher at times.  Even if he was a bit bouncy.

***

Olivia snuck into her grandpa's room, bopping him with the foam staff he had gotten her then ran off.

John blinked.  "What did you hit me with?" he called.

"The staff," Xander said as he walked past the doorway.  "You slept late today."

"I only got in at three."

"We heard."

John rolled his eyes but got up and took a shower before going down to get something to eat and help Olivia calm down.  "Why did you bop me?"  She beamed and used the nerf dart crossbow to shoot him.  He sighed, staring at her.  "You're so spoiled."

"It's improving her aim," Peter joked.

"It is," John said, rolling his eyes.  He got breakfast and sat down.  Olivia was sneaking closer with the plastic sword so he snatched her and put her in his lap to share his breakfast with him.  "No daycare today?"

"Water main, again," Xander sighed.  "They're doing water line repairs in that area for the rest of the week."

John nodded.  "That happens I guess."  She took his spoon from his bowl of oatmeal and fed herself a bite.  John grinned.  "Good job, Olivia.  Very nicely done."  She checked her shirt then ate another bite.  Xander gave him a second bowl of oatmeal so that was nice.  They finished breakfast/her midmorning snack together.  Then she went to bound around on the porch.  He locked the gate up to the pool, even though it was drained.

"She took her soccer ball and golf clubs up to play in it yesterday," Peter called.

John nodded.  "It's a deep hole to play in I guess."  She fussed over a wilting plant, running in to get a bottle of water from the fridge for it.  She poured some in and fussed at it some more, breathing on it.  She blew like Auntie Tara did and it got better.  She beamed and moved on.  John leaned into the office.  "She just breathed a plant to health," he said quietly.

"Auntie Tara does it too," he assured him.  He looked up from his writing.  "It's fine.  She knows not to do it anywhere else."

He nodded, going to help her with the plants.  Her aunt's herbalism skills were being passed down.  "Not that one," he said gently.  "It needs to nap for the winter time so it can bloom again this summer.  It'll get chilly and catch a plant cold."  She nodded, just giving it a bit of water then moving on.  One was still frustrating her.  No matter what she did it was dying.  He smiled when she added too much water.  "Olivia, that sort you have to plant every year.  It's already gone through it's pretty cycle and next year we'll plant another one."  She pouted at him and pointed.

"Here, we'll pull that one so we can bury it."  She sulked but helped him.  He took her to a nursery to look at the plants there.  There had to be some winter plants.  She found one that desperately needed water and ran to get some then brought it back.  She glanced around, he caught her doing it, then breathed on it like her auntie did.  He cleared his throat and she came running back.  He smiled and got that one for her.  Plus a few other winter plants and some seeds for the spring garden planting.  She adored that and they cabbed home to work on that.  Even if John did make her put on her jacket.

Peter smiled.  "She is very girlish yet very tough," he told Xander since he had come out to write on the couch with him.

Xander grinned at him.  "She's very adorable.  John, what is that one?"

"She found it dying and breathed on it, after checking to make sure no one caught her."

"I've seen Tara do that on some roses at Home Depot."  Peter snickered.  "Then she took them home to plant on the balcony."

"That's why you have the ivy plant," John agreed.  They got finished and he settled in to tell Olivia about planting vegetables in the spring.  She adored that idea.  She loved her veggies and girl food.  The fact that she could nurture them like she did the other plants just made her so happy she went into twirly fits of dancing.  John smiled at her silliness.  Xander had caught the whole talk on his phone and was taking video of her dancing too.  When she ran back to kiss John on the cheek, Xander sent it to Tara and his friend's list.  They could probably use some cheering up since Beckett had a nasty case and was fighting with Rick again.

Peter grinned.  "We'd need a bigger garden for her to grow everything she wants."

"I bought a three acre piece of land outside the city," Xander admitted.  "So she and her auntie can plant a real garden.  It's on Long Island.  It's next to some woods.  There's a few houses there and we introduced ourselves so they know it's going to be a Tara and 'Liv garden area instead of a new house."

John grinned.  "She'll adore that."  Xander beamed back.  "Does Tara know?"

"She's went out there to do the fall fertilizing with compost.  It's all ready for the spring and they put a pretty fence around it that day too.  She promised the neighbors could join theirs to ours if they wanted.  Tara was talking about tomatoes and their varieties plus a few other veggies she knows Olivia likes."

"Corn," Olivia said with a smile and a nod.

"Corn's good for you too," John agreed, patting her on the head.  "Go get me a book?"  She ran off and came back with one, letting him read to her.  While he read he wondered about it but then he saw it was written by Xander so it was probably to explain Peter's job to her.  That was probably a huge help.

"She used to think me in my brilliant disguise was not me," Peter said, glancing back at him then going back to his typing.

"Made me feel a bit dirty too," Xander said quietly with a grin for him.  "Speaking of, when is your next interview?"

"Next week."  He made sure and Paula sent back both their schedules.  "It appears you have two next week.  Banned books is also on Friday."

"This Friday?" Xander asked.

"Next."

Xander grinned.  "That means I have enough time to send the tux to the cleaners."

"Why are you giving speech?" Peter asked him.

"Because my 'not every hero is the pretty one' book is in the top five locally.  I have that one and another one nationally that gets challenged a lot."

"Why?  Is not like Hunters novels that are violent at times."

"No, but apparently the idea that the guy with the bad eye, the limp, and the cold sore being the hero freaks some parents out."  Peter shook his head.  "It freaked me out yet amused me to no end when I heard that one was one of the most challenged locally."  His email pinged with his interview schedule and he smiled.  "Olivia, we're going to read to your future kindergarten.  That's pretty cool she arranged that for me."  Olivia stared at him.  "Three more years and you start school, young lady."

"I hope her first day goes better than Dean's was," John said.  "One of Dean's classmates set the room on fire.  Nearly got Dean but Dean pounced him and shouted that he was setting fires since the teacher was watching some of the girls have a fight.  Which Dean had gotten a black eye and a torn t-shirt from."

"Mine wasn't that exciting but Willow was nearly sobbing in the corner because she was scared to tell the teacher she had broken her yellow crayon," Xander said with a grin for him and the daughter of Willow.  "Then she made me play house with her.  She totally turned into her mother."

"Schooling is different in Russia," Peter told them.  "We had daily recess but nothing like kindergarten."

"It's almost scary what they want the kids to be able to do to get out of kindergarten these days," Xander told them. "She'll have to know single-digit multiplication.  She'll have spelling tests."  John whimpered and shuddered.  "There's not as much emphasis in playing and learning that way in many of them.  Her future school isn't uptight by any means but that's all students have to know now."

"Sammy's teacher thought he was brilliant because he could add without his fingers," John said.

Xander shook his head.  "First grade in her school is doing simple division."  Peter shuddered.  "Plus light amounts of anatomy, biology, and creatures.  Before she goes in she has to be able to write her name and address, she has to have a verbal vocabulary of at least eighty words, she has to be able to read at least small things like her name and numbers.  She has to be able to count to a hundred.  She's got to know a lot of stuff that before you got taught in kindergarten."

"She's got the vocabulary and part of the reading down," John said.  "Can you count?"

Xander shook his head quickly but she was already babbling about her number friends.  "Day care song," he muttered.  "Ow.  Brain hurts."

Olivia ran over to give him a hug and then went back to sing it for John.  Twice.  The third starting of it John tossed her into the air, making her cackle when he caught her.  Then they went back to the plants.

Peter shook his head.  "I cannot stop hearing that."

"She sang it for two weeks when they taught it to her," Xander shot back but gave him a kiss to help change his mind's direction.

***

Xander and Tara walked into the daycare together since they had been summoned.  "What happened?" Xander asked.  "Did she pounce someone too hard?"

The new head of the daycare brought them into the office.  "Olivia was found kissing someone earlier."

Tara laughed.  "She's very loving but she does the same thing to my dog."

"Apparently she kissed nearly everyone in her room."

Xander nodded.  "Okay.  Kids do shit like that from what I understand.  Is some parent huffy that Olivia decided to be smoochy today?"  Tara elbowed him.  "What?  Jesse nearly frenched the librarian that got him a book once.  Her cheek but still.  He was four."  He shrugged.

"It's not exactly considered appropriate behavior," the head of the daycare said.

Xander stared at her for a moment.  "Because she kissed both sexes or because she kissed them at all."  The woman blushed.  "Olivia's mother and Tara used to be together.  I'm with a very nice guy myself right now.  She's not going to be homophobic by any means."

"Really, she shouldn't be kissing anyone.  That's considered bad contact."

"Or it means she was kissing booboos again," Xander said with another small shrug.  "She's always done it to mine since I did it to hers."

Tara nodded.  "She does, but we'll tell her she's not allowed to kiss people in daycare or school."  The head of the daycare smiled.  "Though I think it's silly.  I remember getting kissed by a boy back then and nearly cried because it was a boy but not because it upset me."

"Yes but times have changed.   Now, some states can actually arrest children for that."

Xander snorted.  "I'd so destroy that system."  He shook his head.  "We'll talk to her about kissing being not good for daycare.  Any other traumas she gave anyone today?"

"No, she's mostly been pouty when we told her she couldn't.  She's been in the corner all day."  Xander stared at her.  "We didn't think it was a good idea to let her have privileges."

"She's almost three," he pointed out.  "She never has more than a ten minute time out because at her age that's insane."  The woman backed down.  "That was an overreacting and over-punishing and I do not like that."

"She's a very bright girl," she said. "Perhaps preschool?"

"She's not three for another month and a few days," Tara reminded her.  "She's much too young.  For that matter, this daycare has never been this poorly behaved in the past."  The woman did flinch this time.  "That *I* do not like."

Xander nodded.  "Definitely.  Especially since they put Olivia in the room with the kid that she can't even talk to but the kid bit her."

"She's got special needs," the daycare head said firmly.

"And while I get that," Xander said.  "Because, hey, nearly ended up in special ed myself, that doesn't mean Olivia needed to be moved rooms to hers.  You had all the special needs kids together with an extra room monitor in case they needed help.  Olivia was in one of the normal rooms until last week."

"We feel that Olivia's....difference is a problem," she said stiffly.

Xander stared at her.  "That's a change."  The woman sat down.  "By the way, lady.  You're already in deep since I own the mortgage on this building."  She gaped.  He stared at her.  Tara cleared her throat.  "It was a good investment and they pay on time.  Since Olivia likes it so much and the bank was starting the bad processes that would've left it open to being bought by the mall company up the street that's buying everything, I decided the small mortgage was a good investment.  My investment guy agreed."  He shrugged and grinned at Tara.  "And then suddenly we have a new daycare manager after over a year.  We have room workers that got fired for no reason.  It's like they want to go out of business.  If they want to go out of business that badly, I'll gladly foreclose."

The woman shuddered.  "It wasn't my decision."

Xander snickered.  "Bull shit."  He stared at her.  "Tara, go get Olivia."  She walked off.  He stared at her.  "I don't give a fuck that your higher up is trying to have you shut down because you're not making the profits they expected.  I can buy them too.  Hell, I can buy half this fucking island."  The woman gave him a dirty look.  "You can tell your higher ups about the mortgage thing.  You can also tell them that if things don't go back to the way they were, when you were making a profit and it was a good thing for the kids, I'll take them over too."  She sent that email.  He grinned.  "And by the way, demon."  She flinched, backing away from him.

"What did we say about demons threatening Olivia?"  She started to cry.  "Because I consider this a hostile action against my niece.  I haven't told Tara yet.  She'll find out later I'm sure.  Olivia does have an innate sense of demon versus human.  She always has.  Her daddy had it too."  He walked off.  "Hey, 'Liv," he said, picking her up to cuddle.  "C'mon, let's go get ice cream."  She sniffled, shaking her head.  "No, you don't need punished.  They're stupid heads."  Olivia stared at him.  "I promise, they are.  That's why Uncle Xander is going to destroy every single demon in this place for upsetting you."  Most of them fled.  He smirked and waved.  "Have a better day, people."

Tara went to find her coven member, who came out sniffling.  "She was getting fired."

"I fucking own the mortgage," Xander told her.  The witch gasped.  "I'm also at my point of 'I'll be damned'."  He smirked.  "So can Olivia come back to her room?"

"Yes."

"Can you please tell her the good times to kiss people so she knows?"

She took Olivia to sit down and talk to her about that.  Olivia liked and trusted her so she'd listen to her about rules.  That's how they set down any rules in the daycare because it was a consistent approach which they all liked.  Olivia cheered up and hugged her.  "I'll see you tomorrow."

"She's expelled for four days," the manager said.  "And you were fired."

"And now I just foreclosed on your building," Xander said.  She shrugged and walked off happier.  "Okay.  Missy, you're in charge tomorrow."  She gaped.  Xander stared at her.  "Seriously."  He walked off, calling his investment guy.  "I've had enough of all the demons at the daycare Olivia goes to."  He listened.  "Today.  Thank you."  Within an hour his investment guy had the paperwork to foreclose on the building, which shut it down.  He posted a large note saying that the daycare would be reopening under new management in two days time.

Then the investment guy and Missy sat down to talk about what was needed.  Tara helped because he knew that Xander trusted her.  The other staff was fired or put back where they should be.  It was suddenly a lot nicer.  They even renamed it.  He told the licensing people about what had happened and they agreed they could do the inspection for their license in two days when it reopened.  So that was fine.

***

Xander sat Olivia on the couch next to Peter, letting him hug her.  "The rules at daycare about kissing the other kids do not apply to uncles, aunts, or kitty cats, or your aunt's Miss Puppy."

She stared at him.  "Kissy good?"

"Kissy not bad," he said.  "Kiss family and booboos.  At daycare, follow the rules Missy set down."  She nodded, kissing Peter on the cheek.  He grinned at her.  "You feel better?"

She hugged him and kissed him then looked around.  "No Grandpa?"

"Napping," Peter said.  She gave him a wicked smirk and grabbed her nerf crossbow to go ambush him then run away squealing when he woke up.  Peter shook his head.  "That's strange."

"He wanted her to use them.  It's only right he teaches her to aim better."

Peter looked at him.  "Why are you upset?" he asked quietly.

"They had Olivia in the corner all day because she kissed the people in her room at daycare."  Peter growled.  "So I foreclosed, reopened it under someone else, and the demons who were attempting to destroy it are now shot to hell.  Maybe literally."  He started to walk to the kitchen but Peter kissed him.  Xander grinned.  "Thank you," he whispered.

"Is not a problem to help you calm down."  He grinned at Olivia since she was sneaking up on them.  "Do not shoot us or we will not make vegetables for dinner.  You'll have to eat boy food."

"Wings?" she asked, beaming at him.  "Really?"

"Sure," Xander decided, calling in that order.  He went to pick them up while Olivia stalked John around the house.  He also called in two favors owed while waiting in traffic.  That would stop the stupid law firm for hell for a bit.  Because he was tired of them.

***

Beckett heard her name mentioned in the screaming rant happening in the captain's office, going to butt in to see what she had done to warrant being screamed about.  "I did what?" she demanded.

"Your pet author's friendly psychotic author got the city's law firm shut down!" he shouted.

Beckett blinked.  At least someone had told her what this was about.  "Why was the city using the law firm that demons created to help their world takeover bids?"  The commissioner gaped.  "Wolfram and Hart came after Olivia at her daycare."  The captain winced and shook his head.  "Oh, yeah.  He fixed it, it's all better, but he did make a move against them since they keep trying so many world takeover bids.  They're behind a few of the apocalypses in LA.  Personally, all of us in the know want them *gone* from this city."  She stared at her ultimate boss.

"For that matter, if I knew we were going through the evil law firm for Hell's Denizens I'd have started a protest myself.  I'm hoping that they leave this city alone for good, sir.  If you like them that much, a lot of us are going to wonder why.  Especially since I'm told they like soul clauses in their contracts.  Because I'm not giving mine up to them."  She walked off calling Xander.  "The city was contracting with Wolfram and Hart."  She winced at the swearing he erupted in.

"Is there someone who can look them over for bad clauses and maybe get them out of there?"  She took down a name and long distance phone number.  "And he's with...."  She wrote that down too.  "I'm assuming a more light oriented one of theirs?"  He told her about what Anya had told him, nodding some.  "That's better.  Thank you, Xander."  He hung up and she called them.  "This is Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD....  Yes, I do know Mr. Harris.  No, not about him.  We just found out Wolfram and Hart is doing NYPD law work.  That's what I'd like.  How much will it cost to have someone look?"

She beamed.  "That would be excellent."  She snapped her fingers at the commissioner.  "Please.  Yes, I can have him gather them by then.  Thank you, sir."  He hung up.  "One of their senior partners, and they were started by expelled angelic beings, is up in Maine on vacation.  He's due to pause in the city in two days time."  The commissioner sighed.  "Have all the contracts available so he can look at them.  Before we have someone shot on the street and their soul is taken."

He nodded.  "I can do that.  I had no idea about them, Detective."

She nodded.  "I know.  You've never been that big of a politician, sir."  He relaxed and went to pull all those files.  She looked at her boss, who sighed but nodded.  "That's going to cause a hell of a stink when people hear about it."

"The head of our ministry is going to throw fits," he agreed.  "He hates all demons.  Especially the ones that he found are half and are good officers."

"I heard one told him off."  She smirked.  "He was not happy with that."  She sat down.  "I wonder how long that's been going on."

"At least six months.  I know they were taking bids on some contract writing then."  He went back to his office.

She took something for her stomach and got back to work.

***

Xander walked into the NYPD ministry office, staring at the head priest.  "Father, sit," he said.

"Are there more coming for us?" he demanded.

"Sit."  He sat and stared at him.  "Wolfram and Hart."

"Our law firm," he said.

"Hell's law firm.  Have multiple apocalypse battles under their belt.  Do sacrificial rites for power raising and have killed officers and judges to have cases turn out their way."  The priest started to shake.  "This is why I'm telling you.  Beckett found out earlier and called one I know that's legal, light side, and can fight in the demon courts if they have to.  But if there's been anyone who's died on the streets recently, pray really hard for them.  If there's one that dies before it gets canceled, bless them as soon as humanly possible.  The soul leaves after a half-hour or so.  The longest I've heard of was two hours."

He nodded, swallowing.  "I can do that.  What of those that aren't christian?"

"Do you think they'd really mind not going to hell?"

"No, probably not.  We have three in terminal cancer beds," he said quietly.

Xander nodded.  "Make sure they want to hang on as long as you humanly can and do all the blessing you can before they die then right after they die.  Tara's library has two good books on different blessings in the restricted section.  Father Morgan's got a copy of one; I got it for him for Solstice last year.  If someone complains tell them that Wolfram and Hart uses soul capturing clauses and they're trying to free the whole NYPD but for right now...."  He waved his hand.

"I can do that.  Thank you for making me sit."

Xander grinned.  "When I realized the implication I flopped down myself, Father.  Just be careful.  Pray for no street deaths."

"I can do that."  He shook Xander's hand and the boy left.  He called all his people together to talk to them about it.  The NYPD had a small ministry that helped the officers who needed it.  This information would spread throughout everyone and they'd all be aware to be extra careful.  He also got that book from Father Morgan.  He knew of him and he did God's work with the problems Satan created to challenge him.  Father Morgan came over to go over the best ones to use in various situations.  It was a long talk but it was helpful.  Though Father Morgan would have to do some penance for swearing when he heard why they needed to know.

***

Father Morgan walked into the confession booth, crossing himself after he knelt.  The priest in the other booth opened the window.  "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.  It has been three days since my last confession."  He took a breath.  "I have sworn six times in the last two days.  Some at Mr. Harris for realizing that the demon's law firm was working for the NYPD, some at that law firm themselves, and I've had violent thoughts against the law firm for hell as well," he said quietly.  "I blasphemed the Lord's name once when swearing at the demon lawyer, making him flinch, and admit that it made me happy at the moment."

The priest on the other side chuckled.  "Father, that is something I can understand and would probably do myself.  Though you do know that priests must have better control of their emotions so for that do your rosaries an extra time tonight.  I'm sure God would understand your frustration with the lawyers for his arch-nemesis working with those who must protect us all.  He might even be found doing a bit of swearing at their lawyers himself."

"Thank you, Father."  He got up and went to say his rosaries for strength and calming down.

The other father walked past him a few minutes later with a pat to his shoulder.  "Even the Pope would hate that situation, Father Morgan.  I know he loathes the Council with what he's said about them.  He doesn't much like any of the demon hunters, even if they are working on the side of the Light to protect people."  He grinned at the other priest.  "I'm fairly certain he'd want Harris to calm down as well."

"His new boyfriend is former KGB but a decent man who now writes as well."

"Then he may hate that but if he makes him happy and content, I'd rather have our protectors that way than bouncy or angsty as he had been before."  He went to make them some tea.  He had to hear their church's nuns' confessions.  They had been giggling over an incubus that had been coming in to tempt them.  At least until Father Morgan had banished it.

A non-hell spawn demon ran in sobbing.  "Save me!  The slayer Kinella is mad because I mistakenly pinched her on the behind.  I thought she was my stepdaughter!"

Father Morgan growled.  "This is the wrong church."

"We're not that sort of demon," he complained.  "We immigrated."

John Winchester strolled in and grabbed it by his head fin.  "She accepts your apology but this church holds nuns that would beat you to death for being funny looking," he said as he walked him out.  "If you want to become Catholic, go to St. Philip's."  The demon smiled and nodded.  "Kinella?"  The other slayer stared at him.  John cleared his throat.

"I am sorry, Slayer.  I thought you were my stepdaughter.  I pinch her often to make her giggle."

She patted him on the head.  "Don't do it again."

"Yes, ma'am."  He ran off.

She looked at John.  "This is where the White Order is?"

"One of the priests of it," John said, walking her inside.  "Father Morgan."  He looked up.  "This is Kinella, the other slayer currently called."

He shook her hand.  "It is a pleasure to meet you.  Are you in town for something big?"

"Faith wanted some backup with Wolfram and Hart," John admitted.  "Before Xander finished calling down the blood debt because they came near Olivia."

"Why?"

"They were trying to take over her daycare," John said with a grin.  "Xander foreclosed on their building and let the old staff of it reopen there with much nicer terms."

"Ah."  He nodded, starting another rosary round.  "I must do penance for the swearing I did when I heard they were trying to take over the NYPD."

John growled. "They were what?"  Father Morgan told him.  "Oh hell no!"  He walked off.

Kinella smiled.  "It was a pleasure meeting you.  I should follow him before I don't have anything to beat up today."  She jogged after John.  It wasn't seemly or proper but he wouldn't leave her anything if she didn't keep up with him.

Father Morgan sighed and started that one over for the uncharitable thoughts he had that the demons had brought it on themselves.

The other priest got some more tea and sipped it, going back to hear more confessions.  He wasn't touching that problem with any sort of pole of any size, shape, or wood.

TBC...

Chapter 32: Not Always In Our Plans

Sometimes people have plans.  Sometimes they go with yours, sometimes they frustrate yours.  Sometimes the plans are just what you need in life.

Olivia looked around the park with her daddy's cousin/her uncle, which confused her but he had the nice voice like her daddy did so of course they were related somehow.  "Oooh," she said, starting to dance and point.  "Pony!  Pony!" she started to chant, getting louder and louder each time.

George cleared his throat.  "No need to shout, Olivia.  We can go have a pony ride."  She beamed at him.  "You know, at home Grandma has a few of them.  They're really lazy right now because they don't have anyone little to give rides to."  He got her into line, and she waited patiently for a nearly-three-year-old.  He was impressed with how the two were raising her.  He and his cousins, especially her father, would've already been in trouble and threatened with losing the rides.  He paid the fee and helped her into the saddle.  "Now, hold on here," he said with a point.  "And squeeze your knees together so you don't move."  He walked beside her.  She was beaming and a bit wiggly but she'd learn better.  When it was done she leapt at him, making him catch her.  "We'll see if there's more pony rides around, princess."  He smiled and took her to play.

"Hi, Officer," she called, waving at him and smiling.  "Good boy you."

He smirked at her.  "Good morning, Miss Rosenburg."

"I'm her uncle," he said firmly.

"We know.  Those of us who watch Harris know you're her father's cousin."  He grinned.  "Have fun playing, Olivia."

"You have good day too," she chirped.  "Pony?" she asked with a point.

"No, I'm a bit big for pony rides."  He grinned and walked on.

Her uncle looked at her.  "It was a good idea to give him a happy idea for the day."  She kissed him on the cheek then wiggled down and ran over to help a young tree that was feeling sad.  "Not in public," he hissed, pulling her away.  "No magic in public, young lady."

She pouted.  "But it's sad and it needed a hug."  A few watching parents laughed.  "I get hugs when I'm sad."

"Yes you do."  He took her to the playground and let her loose.  He got a whole hour before something strange happened, which was about normal when he watched Olivia by himself.  A demon with two kids paused and stared at her.  He watched her.  "They'd never care as long as you're peaceful," he said quietly.  She smiled and let the mostly human looking kids run and play too.  Olivia was the only kid out there and she didn't care.  They were new friends to her.  The mother sat on the next bench.  He grinned.  "I'm her cousin George."

"It's good she has family during this trying time.  Though Tara does a good job making her look girlish."

"She's very concerned how pretty she is."  The mother giggled and shook her head.  He watched.  The kids were doing good.  One slipped and Olivia gave him a hug and kissed his booboo better then went back to playing.  "What was that about?" he muttered, staring at her.

"She's got a small healing gift.  I've seen her do it with Tara's papercuts at the library."  She smiled at him.  "She's a very kind and loving little girl."

"She is, yeah."  He considered that.  Healing was a better thing than magic in his mind but still not something she should do in public probably.  He heard her squeal Sam's name and waved at him.  He strolled over carrying a bag.  "Out at work?" he guessed.

"No.  Laundry."  He rolled his eyes.  "We had a super-goo shooting thing show up at the poker hall last night to eat his intended for cheating."  The demon mother giggled.  Sam grinned at her.  "Xander's washer is good but commercial ones are stronger."   He sat down.  "She good today?"

"She went into girlish glee at the ponies.  We got her a ride."  Sam grinned at that.  "She tried to hug a sad tree and kissed one of them's booboos better."

"When the idiot law firm tried to take over the daycare to get her, they had her in a  corner all day for kissing some of the other kids in there.  Which is when Xander threw an absolute fit about Wolfram and Hart trying for her again."

"Who're they?" he asked.

"The evil ones' law firm," the mother said.

"They're known to cause problems for power," Sam agreed.  "Xander about called out a hunt on them for daring to come near Olivia."  The mother beamed.  "Not that we disagreed.  If they didn't have a lot of people with soul contracts we'd be very happy to help."  Olivia ran over to hand him her sweater then ran back.  "It's good they managed to put her in a thicker shirt.  Earlier she wanted one of her tanktops because Dean had the heat up while he worked on something."

Her uncle shook his head.  "She's adorable."

Sam grinned at him.  "One of Peter's friends showed up to ask Xander questions about the poker circuit's weapons pipeline.  She scowled at him the whole polite, nice talk.  He just wanted to know how they were using goats to smuggle them and things.  When Peter asked her why she was scowling at his friend, she said he might make her or her Uncle Xander unpretty and that was bad of him."  He snickered, shaking his head.  "We're considering it an infection by Buffy before Willow gave birth since she dances like the girls on MTV sometimes too."

"She certainly didn't get that from Daniel," he agreed.

"Or Willow according to Tara.  Xander said it had to come from Buffy because she nearly even had him booty popping at one point in time."  The demon mother cackled.  "Dean and I figured it helped with club hunts."  She nodded, going to use the park restroom.  He watched, seeing a few evil looks from mothers around them.  "Her people are perfectly harmless," he noted just loudly enough.  "And if you tried to hurt her for being a decent mother, I'd have to step in."  One stared at him and they all decided to stomp off and complain that demons were using the playground.  Sam relaxed.  "Anyway."  He grinned when the mother came out.  "If they try shit, I'll help to make sure you and your kids are all right."

"Thank you, Mr. Winchester."

"Not a problem.  Did you see that Xander's writing kid's books?"

"I hadn't."  She settled in to look that up on her phone.  She giggled, smiling at him.  "That's sweet!"

"Olivia needed stuff explained."  He grinned back at the officer stomping their way.  "The kids and mom are perfectly harmless."

"Who's the other one?" the officer asked.  Olivia looked over.  "Oh, it's you.  Doesn't Harris not want...."

"Only the harmful ones like the law firm," Sam said firmly.  "These are nice, peaceful, decent other dimensional natives who are enjoying the playground."

"That's fine then.  Nothing left on there?  Not to be rude but one of them was complaining about slime residue."

Sam looked back at them.  "No, Dean shot that the other night for hitting on him.  Their slime's poisonous to us after an intense high."  The officer shuddered.  He looked at the other mothers.  "Really, there's a majority of demons that just *are*.  They're not evil, don't try takeover bids, don't hurt or eat people, none of that.  It's the twenty percent that does those things that give the rest a bad name."  He whistled and waved.  Olivia and one of the kids came over.  He pointed at one's daughter.  "What grade are you in?"

"First," she chirped.  Her mother gave her a bad look.

"I'm betting this little guy is in kindergarten?" he asked.  He beamed and nodded.   His smile showed a missing tooth.  He looked at her.  "He's not a mean type."  She came over to talk to him about kindergarten.  She missed all the fun stuff in there.  He babbled back and they went to play together.  Sam smiled at the mother.  "See, a lot aren't mean.  If they are, that's why there's guys like my family and Xander.  A lot of them aren't ever going to be evil.  They're just like you only their realm or dimension made them grow up looking different.  Like evolution."

The mother huffed.  "Her father was nearly eaten by a vampire the other night."

"Vampires aren't really demons.  They're infected by one but they're mobile corpses so they're like zombies with a working brain."  She shuddered.  He shrugged.  "It is.  Though, where was he?  I'll let Faith and Kinella know."  She named the restaurant and he texted it to them.  "Kinella said that she got a few down there last night.  There's apparently a pack that got forced away from one of the colleges by Faith thinning them down."  He grinned at her.  "They'll go take another look tonight."

"Thank you.  They don't have any residue or anything?"

"No.  You know how you tell the ones that sling slime and have residue?  They mostly don't have noses."  The mothers all stared at him.

The demon mother thought about it.  "I only know one species without a nose that's actually not evil," she realized.  "They have eye stalks and little hairs on them to detect scent.  They tend to work in the sewers to help find pockets of building methane."

"Dean owes a kitten to one of them," Sam said with a grin.  "He wins against everyone but him."  Olivia's uncle shook his head.  "The poker circuit is very peaceful and nice people for the most part.  Plus a really good source of information when bad things move into town."

Olivia bounced over, kissing Sam on the cheek then grinned at the other kids.  "You can come play.  I don't bite most of the time."  They ran over to play too.  She kissed Sam on the cheek again.  "Ice cream?" she begged, batting her big eyes at him.

He kissed her on the nose with a grin.  "No.  That's not cute."  He grinned brighter.  "Try that one on Dad, it works on him."  She cackled and ran off.  He shook his head, grinning at the parents.  "She's so got Dad wrapped around her fingers.  He's claimed her as a grandchild and is teaching her Latin."  The officer and demon mother snickered.  "He bought her a foam staff and a nerf crossbow system so now she uses it to ambush him in the mornings."

"Is that good for her?" her uncle asked.

"Yeah.  Very good for her.  And she quit chasing the cats.  Peter helps her with her baby golf set so she has a better swing than Xander - the cats love to chase the balls.  Xander had to replace the plastic sword because she was pretending to be Xena and broke it on the porch railing up to the pool."

"She's too little," the demon mother said.

Sam nodded.  "For right now it's all play but with the last move by Wolfram and Hart, he and Dad are getting hyper protective.  Especially since some former agents showed up to try to menace Tara and Olivia about Peter.  I'm told they did eventually find someone to change them back from iguanas."  He looked at the worried looking uncle.  "We want her to subtly have an idea if something should happen.  She can't always tell muggers 'bad you' and yell at them.  She's got a few bullies in daycare pouting because she picked back and Tara had to talk to her about that.  She's a normal girl for the most part.  But like anyone with security issues....."

He nodded.  "That's a point ta consider.  Is that why Xander won't let me take her to Daniel's Ma's house?"

"That and it's in Ireland," he said dryly.  "She's too little for that.  He's also worried that she'll try something and try to keep her like all those stories in the press."

"I can see Auntie doing something like that," he admitted.  "I'm trying to talk them into coming for a visit."

"Xander said he'd help make arrangements.  Olivia, don't you dare," he called.  She paused, staring at the stray dog.  "Remember, stray dogs can hurt you.  You don't know if it's injured or sick."  He got up and walked over, sitting beside where she was standing.  "Officer, can you get someone to pick it up?  It's a bit thin but doesn't look too sick."  He called that in.  He sat Olivia in his lap so she couldn't shift any closer.  "It's all right, puppy.  We're good.  You're okay," he said calmly and quietly.  The dog whined.  He stood Olivia up.  "Go to your uncle."  She ran back to him.  Sam shifted closer, holding out a hand.  "Sniff?"  The dog growled.  "Okay, or not."  He shifted closer again, letting the dog sniff at him.  "Good dog.  Very good dog."

"Mr. Winchester," the officer ordered.

"I'm not.  Just trying to keep it calm."  He stared at it and it looked away.  "Good dog.  Very good dog."  Someone came up behind the dog and he nodded.  "Just stay a bit calm, it's all good," he crooned.  The dog snapped at the ASPCA worker but she got him in one of the ropes-on-a-staff-things they used.  "He growled when I held out a hand for him to sniff."

"He's probably been abandoned.  Nice catch, sir."  Sam grinned as he stood up and walked back to the playground.  "C'mon, pup, we'll get you some food."  She fed it a treat and it was happier.  Still growling.  "Maybe you'll need quarantine."  She walked it off, taking it back to her truck.

Olivia looked over.  "It sick, has booboos," she called.  "Kiss booboos better?" she asked her uncles.

"They have vets to do that for animals," Sam assured her with a smile.  "They'll help his booboos."  She nodded and got a hug then went back to playing.

"Aww," one of the human mothers sighed.  "She kisses booboos better?"

"All the time."  Sam grinned.  "Dean got himself making her a salad and she fussed over the cut the whole time until it stopped bleeding.  When he fell in the shower because she snuck in and squealed at him, she fussed at him until he was better.  She picked pretty things for him, made him read to her, cuddled and patted him, then when he was allowed out of bed she showed him their morning stretches.  He's so spoiled by her."

"Awww."

"She snuck into your brother's bathroom?" her uncle asked.

"They were just out of the pool and this was last summer.  Xander had her in his room after cleaning her up so he could shower and she couldn't get into trouble.  She did her little trick on the doorknob and went to sneak up on Dean.  He slipped in the shower at her squeal."

Her uncle shook his head.  "That's not proper."

"When she can open the doorknobs, even the locked ones, that becomes a bit moot," Sam said dryly.  "Beyond that, frosted shower doors.  Then again she's always fussed over Dean.  Just like the kitty that adopted Dean does."

Her uncle shook his head.  "Was she trying to peek?"

"I think she was more going to encourage him to hurry up since he had said the magic 'zoo' word."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "That's something a little kid does then."  She panted as she ran over.  He let her have his bottle of water, watching her gulp it then go back to play.  "Why is she so tired?"

Sam stared at her.  "Olivia, who has the booboo?" he called.  She pointed.  That mother gasped and ran over.  "Show her where?"  She touched something and the mother choked down a sob, hugging her before taking her kid off.  He waved her over and she came to get a hug.  "Nice job, but tell us before you do anything.  That could hurt you.  If we know we can help.  All right?"  She nodded, kissing him on the tip of his nose again.  "Good girl.  Remember, you have to tell us."  She nodded and ran back.  "She's so going to the doc's tomorrow," he said, texting Tara.

"She was healing something?" the officer asked quietly.

Sam nodded, staring at her.  "Yeah, I think she was trying to."

"That's one special little girl."

Sam grinned.  "It had to come from Daniel since Willow's a pouty thing."  He smiled and left them alone.  The mothers were calmed down and Olivia was happier again.  Sam looked at the worried uncle.  "Babies with magic often do things like that.  We've all talked to her about not doing it in public.  Sometimes though she's got great empathy and feels that it's necessary.  When she's older she'll learn to be more subtle. Usually when Dad's around she'll check on him before she does anything."

He nodded.  "I like that.  Getting her notice for that...."

Sam smiled and shook his head.  "Most everyone knows she's magically active and Tara has had her helping with some plants.  Like in the rose garden the other day."

"I saw that on tv," the demon mother agreed.  "Frankly, most magically active children would do something like that.  It's usually how you find out that they have the gift.  Tara's teaching her when and how to use it subtly and for good things."

He nodded.  "My whole family's wary of the magic stuff but it's good that she's being a good girl with it."

Sam gave him a shoulder nudge.  "Even Tara sometimes slips and does it in public.  Usually to heal a plant that needs it."

He grinned.  "That's sweet of her, yeah."  Olivia came over.  "Let me get you some more water.  You stay here with your Uncle Sam for two minutes."  She nodded, letting him walk off to get her some more water from a vender cart.  He brought back two bottles.  She drank one and went back to playing.

Sam stared at her.  "Olivia, let's go potty," he called.  She pouted.  "You can come right back but you should probably go potty soon.  Remember, being in dirty diapers makes you less pretty."  She ran for the bathroom.  He looked at the uncle, who looked scared.  "We're used to it."   Sam went to help her and got her cleaned up then back out there.  She was happy and it was good.  Sam sat down again.  "She's slowly learning the potty training stuff."

One of the mothers looked over.  "Bribes."

"We tried that.  It didn't work at all.  Unless we buy her a new book each time she uses it."

Her uncle stared at her.  "She's already got half a library full."

"Actually, most of them are library books and the rest we weed out every six months with her help so they can go to other kids in the library."

He grinned.  "Tara's very socially responsible."

"It helped with the clothes stuff too because someone taught her what Sak's was," Xander said as he walked up to them.  "I got a call from the pound.  The dog has rabies."

"She wanted to heal it," Sam said, looking up at him.

"That's what they said."  They shared a look.  "And I got a call about her picking out a pea-sized bone tumor?"  Sam nodded.  "We'll talk about telling the adults about that instead of wearing herself out."  He went to break her concentration and make her squeal.  He said something in her ear, making her give up the magic and play for a bit longer.  He flopped down on the grass beside Sam.  "When you're tired, we'll go practice putting so the cats can chase the golf balls."  She ran over with a squeal to pounce her other uncle, who smiled and let her have the water to drink and her sweater.  They went home to do that.  With a stop for some fruit since they were out at home.

"She eats strawberries?" her uncle asked.

"Yeah, most fruits.  She doesn't like star fruit or papayas at the moment," Sam said with a grin.  "Plus she adores salads and most veggies.  She doesn't like squash or white potatoes.  She hasn't figured out the other types are still potatoes too."

"The only time she eats white potatoes is in the occasional bit of fries I bake for her or the rare trip to the fast food place because I need to grocery shop," Xander said.  "She eats anything you put in front of her for the most part.  What she doesn't like John taught us how to camouflage."

Sam nodded.  "He's still making veggie meatballs for her and Xander."

Xander nodded.  "They still taste strange too."

Daniel's cousin shook his head.  "Most kids hate vegetables."

"She's learned how to plant her girl food and help it grow.  Since she loves plants, she loves to eat plants like her Auntie Tara," Xander said with a shrug.

Sam cackled.  "I can't believe that Tara taught her that way."

"I can.  It's how she keeps trying to talk me into eating more vegetables.  I tend toward fruit."  They went home and Olivia got her golf set.  Xander got his putter and a few balls.  They both worked on their putts, which meant the cats had things to chase after.  That pleased her greatly.  She cackled at the kitties, trying to rescue the balls so she could hit them again.

"Take the soccer ball up to the pool," Dean ordered when she nearly brained him.  She got that and her uncle, taking them both up there.  He relaxed.  Xander grinned at him.  "Trying to impress Peter?"

"Yup."  He grinned.  "I thought golf was boring until I met him."  He tried another putt.  "Hell."

"Use the middle of the putter, not the end," Sam suggested.  Xander nodded and shifted, trying it that way.  That worked a bit better.  Still not great.  "Maybe you need a new putter."

"Maybe I need to finally learn geometry," Xander quipped.

"Is it supposed to have that bend near the end?" Dean asked.  Xander nodded.  "And in the handle?"

"No."  He held it up to check.  "You're right, it's not straight.  Must've been that tree demon," he muttered.  "I'll have to see if it can be straightened."  He went to look that up online.  "Crap, have to buy a new one," he complained.  "And the idiot judge still has my account locked."

"Why?" Dean asked, looking at Sam.

"One of the drool society died and left me shit so he had the Treasury inspect my accounts to make sure I wasn't evil."  He came out of the office.  "They're supposed to be done by Wednesday."  He got something to drink and came back.

"Is the hunting going to be a problem?" Sam asked.

"No.  The ATF has a file that lists me as being able to find things for apocalypse battles but it also lists that Beckett has direct oversight with O'Neill.  They did question the other wills and if I had caused them to commit suicide so I had him look up the file on that curse since it was noted by the FBI.  He was not amused."  He sipped his water.  Olivia came running in being chased by her uncle.  The Winchesters and Xander watched her run squealing up the stairs.  "Does that mean it's nap time?" he called.

"Hell no!" Olivia called back, making Dean choke.

"Grounded," Xander called.  "You and Dean both."

"You're not my mommy," Dean quipped.

Xander stared at him.  "You taught her to swear, you'd better unteach her to swear before Tara hears and paddles your ass."  Dean winced and went up to talk to her about swearing like a real Winchester.

Sam looked up there at Dean's yelp.  "Did she spank you?" he called.

"Yes, and then I got put in the corner like Dad did."  He came down the stairs and suddenly felt the urge to go stand in the corner.

Xander went up to stop that immediately.  He scowled and she quit, backing down.  "Bed."  She sniffled.  "You know better than to magic people for bad reasons.  Your uncle can hang out until you get up from your nap too."  He pointed.  She ran crying into her room but got into bed and covered herself up.  Xander removed the cats and closed the door, looking at him.  "Punitive naps usually last about thirty minutes."  That got a nod and they went back downstairs.  Dean was out of his corner shaking his head.  "Did we teach her not to swear or should you go back in your corner?" he asked dryly.

"No, I told her swearing like that was bad and only big people could do it," he assured him.  "I have the feeling Tara would spank really hard."

"Probably," Xander agreed.  He heard the shot that made the glass break and the bullet paused in midair.  Then Xander glared at the man, making him scream.  "Sam, please," he said quietly.  Sam glanced at him but went to the elevator so he could get the idiot off the building, calling officers for help on the way.

"Dude, I thought that was Tara and Willow stuff," Dean said bluntly.

"It is," Xander sighed, sitting down.  "It comes with the hellmouth taint but I've had that happen twice since the visions started."

"Sammy got other powers from the demon that gave him his.  Could be that they're in the same brain area."

"Could be," Xander said, making himself relax.  They heard sirens and there was no way that guy was moving.  He was slowly growing into the roof over there.  Xander looked at the bullet and it fell.  He got up to get something to drink.  "Anyone want some milk?"

"No, I think I need something stronger," Daniel's cousin admitted.

Xander shook his head.  "None in the house.  Sorry.  Drunk parents, dude."  He sipped his milk, sitting down to pet his cats.  "She'll be up soon.  Stay long enough for that."  He nodded, making himself calm down.  "That has to be the other crackhead owner."

"Probably," Dean agreed.  "Or an agent who hates you and Peter being together."

Xander looked at him.  "Don't help," he mouthed.  Dean nodded he could do that.  Xander sipped more of his milk.  Sam let an officer up.  He pointed.  "Bullet."  The officer gathered it.  "The other owner that's caused so many problems?"

"Yup," Sam said, giving him a hug around the head as he walked past him.  "He's very sorry."  He flopped down on the small few inches of couch Dean being stretched out left him.  He looked around.  "She napping?"

"Punitive one," Xander agreed.  The officer looked at him.  "She decided Dean needed to stand in the corner and tried to *make* him stand in the corner."

The officer grinned.  "She's an adorable little girl, Harris.  How many problems have you had with him?"

"Just him and his buddy.  They both own shut-down factories that are now making drugs with illegal immigrants.  I've turned them in a number of times, generally when they try something to get me to leave.  I'm sorry about him growing into the roof."  He took another drink.

"No, it's good," he promised.  "You guys all right otherwise?"

Xander looked then pointed.  "Is he one of yours?"

The officer called that in to the others and they ran up to stop that idiot.  "No, he's not."  He stared at him.

"I'm so going to end them if that's an agent of some sort," Xander muttered.

"As they're calling it, the drool patrol, sir."

Xander snorted.  "Let me talk to him."  He walked out with the officer, going over there.  He scowled.  "I'm going to fuck your life up like you have *no* clue!" he shouted.  The man flinched.  "First one takes a shot at me and then you try it?"

"No, Xander.  I'd never want to hurt you.  If Peter was there I was going to shoot him."  Xander hit him.  He moaned, using his tongue to test the cut on his lip.  "He's...."

"Don't hit him again," the senior officer ordered.

Xander stared at him.  "You just made me go back into apocalypse mode.  Happy?"  The man gave him a scared look.  Xander stared back.  "I'd so suggest you confess so they can find you a safe hole."

"I can do that," he agreed, stepping back.  "You know I'd never hurt you or Olivia, Xander."

"Do you think seeing someone she likes shot won't hurt her?" he asked.

"Um...."

"Do you honestly think I wouldn't have destroyed you and others if you had managed it?"

"Oh," he said weakly, trying to back further away.  "I'm going to go confess now.  Really."  Xander growled.  "Yeah, like right now."  He dove for the car and let himself be locked in.  "Can I go see Beckett or her minions?  They'll make sure I find a deep enough hole."

"I'm not sure the center of the earth would be deep enough," one of the officer said.  "It wouldn't be if it was me."  He looked at Harris.  "Call your boyfriend to make sure he's all right?"

"Oh hell no we'd never shoot him in DC!" the drool patrol member complained.  "Cash would kill us in some strange, non-gun using way!"

Xander stared at him.  "Not if I got there first."

He whimpered.  "Sure," he said weakly.  "Yeah.  Can we go see Beckett now?"  The officer driving nodded and took him off.

Xander looked at the other officers.  "I'm going to go calm down.  If he presses assault charges for me hitting him, so be it."  He walked off.  When he got into the warehouse he called Lorne's number.  Max had put it into his phone.  "There was an idiot drool patrol member who said that if he shot Peter in DC, you'd destroy him harder than I would.  Probably without using a gun.  I pointed out you'd have to beat me to them.  Beckett," he said dryly.  "And the one that just shot into the house.  No, the other factory owner.  No, right now I'm looking at the warehouse."  He smirked at something that appeared.

"Aww, General Jack's stuff just sent another one."  He hung up and called his phone.  "It's Xander. Apparently your room is full since I have a glowy, battery looking thing that just appeared in the main room."  He hung up and went upstairs.  Olivia was up and pouty but cuddling her uncle.  He stared at her.  "Are you going to do it again?"  She shook her head and gave him a hug.  "You're usually a good girl, Olivia.  Follow the rules we set down and you only have naps when you're tired."  He kissed her on the head.  "Play quietly while I clean up the mess."

"Already did," Dean said.

The house phone rang and the answering machine picked it up.  "Xander," Max London's voice asked.  "What idiot person shot at you?  Lorne's throwing a fit like your niece would and we'd like to know if he's on a list somewhere.  If so, please have someone let us know?"

He picked it up.  "The shot came from the other factory owner.  The idiot drool patrol member is going to Beckett.  Because I've reached my point of 'I'll be damned, let's stop that apocalypse'."  He hung up and got some more milk.

"Xander, the emergency stash of Kaluha is in the cabinet beside your head," Sam offered.  "So's the blender to make milkshakes."

Xander nodded, getting that down.  Olivia came running over to help.  She carefully brought hers out to her other uncle so he could help her with it.  Xander gave himself a slightly alcoholic one and sat down to sip.  Olivia's uncle smiled at him for it.  "It's been a shitty day," he admitted.  "I do this so rarely it's not funny."

"I know, Xander."  He tasted it and looked at him.  "Peanut butter?"

"She likes peanut butter ice cream," Dean said with a small shrug.  "I'm surprised she didn't want the mint chocolate chip one."

"Huh.  Most kids like vanilla and chocolate."

"She eats what we eat," Xander reminded him.  "She's never really gotten kid food outside of canned fruit cocktail.  She likes that for breakfast so I buy the low sugar kind."

He nodded. "That makes sense.  She's very well behaved."

"Peter's been working on her manners."  He grinned before taking another sip.  "He said girls have to have more manners so they can later train their boyfriends and kids."  Dean burst out giggling, nodding that was true.

"Yeah, girls should have manners and boys at least *some*."  He smiled at her.  "You're very well mannered and you'll make a great Ma some year," he assured her.

"Not before she's thirty," Sam and Xander ordered.

"Dad would shit bricks and make her regret it," Sam told Xander.

"He'd have to get in line," Xander assured him.  "Hell, even Tara would be impressed with that one."  He took another drink.  Both slayers and John came off the elevator.  "Hey."

"You good?" Faith asked, seeing the hole in the door.  "That's gonna suck to replace."

"Especially with the accounts locked," Xander agreed.  He finished his milk shake and got up to make another without alcohol.  "Ladies, milkshake?"

"Please."  Kinella followed to pick out her ice cream.  "We don't have them in Fez usually."

"That's because milk goes bad faster in the heat," he said with a grin for her.  She nudged him.  He made hers then his own.  "Faith?"

"No, I'm good."  She looked at John, who was examining the door.  "What happened?"  Xander pointed across the street as he sipped.  "Oh."  She nodded.  "The sprout okay?"

"She was taking a nap for *making* Dean stand in the corner."

John looked over.  "At least she learns not to do it again.  Though he probably needed paddled more than that."

"Shut up," Olivia ordered with a scowl.  "My Dean!"

"Corner," Xander said with a point.  She huffed but went to stand in it.  "Then quit acting up before you get to miss dinner for another nap."  She pouted but stayed there quietly.  She knew what she was supposed to do.  Even when her auntie and the puppy came in.  The puppy sniffed her and she looked back then petted it.  "Time's up," Xander decided.  She got down to play with the dog.

"At least her terrible twos are only lasting a few weeks," Tara said dryly.  "Factory owner?"  He nodded.  "Huh."  She kissed him on the head.  "What am I making for dinner?"

"Order," Xander said.  "Unless you want steaks."

She looked then ordered pizzas.  Olivia got her golf set and putted some balls around for the pets to follow, even if one did land in Kinella's lap.  She moved it before the puppy could pounce her.  Olivia beamed at her and chased it to bat it around some more.

Daniel's cousin shook his head.  "She's mostly a very good girl," he said with a smile for Xander.  "Auntie will be very happy with that."

"Let me know when you finally talk them into coming over.  Because I don't go to England for another year."

"I can do that."  He left, going back to his place to call his aunt and talk to her about Olivia.  She still hated the magic stuff but it was good that they were teaching her how to use it right.

"Does she have a passport?" Tara asked.

"Yeah, I got her one once we got the custody papers because we still had to go into Canada that trip," Xander said.  "She went to Spain to see Sister Rosemary with me too."

"Huh.  Okay."  She smiled.  "The account thing?"

"I'm hoping it's nearly solved," he said dryly.  "Though he did let me load a prepaid debit card."  She nodded at that.  Olivia came over to get some of his shake.  He let her and she went back to playing with the dog.  Xander relaxed.  Beckett came off the elevator staring at him.  "Is he hiding?"

"He begged to go under the jail."

"He was going to shoot Peter if he was up here.  In front of Olivia."  Tara winced and shook her head.  "It's probably a good idea."

She smiled at him.  "He said he was.  Who hit him?"  Xander waved a hand.  "In custody or out?"

"He was in cuffs.  I stopped at the single one.  He dove into  the car the next time he tempted me into hitting him."  He finished his shake and put the glass down.

"Goes in sink," Olivia reminded him.  Tara snickered, taking that in there so she'd quit nagging.

"I told the officer if he pressed charges we'd deal with it."

"No, there was a question about if the officers had."

"No, I was losing my temper," he admitted.

She smiled.  "I understand perfectly well why you did, Xander."  She looked over there.  "If that's another one I'm going to kill them myself."

Xander looked over.  "That's Underdog Man."

She rolled her eyes and went to get him and his 'bat grappling hook' system.  "Couldn't come up with an original superhero?" she snorted.  "Boys like Xander need creativity.  That's why he'd never date you."  She decided to twist the knife further because he was so dumb it was making her head hurt.  "Look at how creative Shank is.  He's written a book that'll become a movie soon.  He's got a second book being written.  He's supposed to be good with weapons.  Hell, he even taught Xander golf.  Clearly not a stereotype you can live up to."  She put the despondent former spy into the backseat of her car and got in to drive him to the station.  She handed him to Esposito on her way to the coffee machine.  "Spandex Boy there was trying to be Batman to impress Xander."

"Can't be original, huh," Detective Ryan quipped with an evil smirk for him.  "That means you're definitely not worthy of Xander.  You'd probably stunt his muses' growth so he'd have to quit writing."

Esposito took pity on the guy since he was nearly crying.  "At least he found someone decent with skills who can keep up with him since there were so many that tried."  He called up the old booking slips.  "Anything like your address changed since the last time we saw you in your tacky spandex underwear?"

"No," he said, looking down.  Maybe he had to restrategize his plan on how to win and woo Xander.

"Don't even think about it," Beckett said as she walked out with coffee.  "He'd never dump Peter for you or anyone."

The former spy huffed but stayed quiet through everything so he could think in his cell faster.  He really needed better plans, more creative plans, to woo Xander. And Olivia of course.  She had to come to love him or Xander would just push him aside.

***

Xander walked off the elevator the next morning running into someone who looked very familiar, though his version was back in DC for some sort of meeting.  "Uncle Shank said to stay inside today.  There's a threat against you."

"That's not that unusual," Xander said.  "You really do look just like your uncle."

"That's because he's my uncle," he said with a grin.  He smiled at Olivia.  "Does she have to go to daycare?"

"Probably, yeah.  It's good for her and I have interviews today."

Mickey winced.  "Well....  We'll figure that part out.  I'm going with you because three spies have decided if they can't have you Uncle Shank definitely can't.  He had to kill two that broke into his place last night."

Xander frowned.  "How did they break in?  His place had almost no access.  And no one knew where he lived."

"They tried to capture Agent Philips too.  They managed him for an hour and got some truth serum into him before he got rescued by some nice demons who owed you poker debts."  Xander smirked at that, sending a text message.  He got Olivia into her booster seat and got into the car.  "You know this isn't something that usually happens, right?"

"Someone in Madrid decided that since it was usually the nastier sort that was drawn to me and I knew weapons I'd be a perfect underworld or former spy spouse."  Mickey chuckled, pulling into traffic.  "He didn't win so he spread that around to his associates, who took it as a challenge and then got snared somehow by my muses or brains or something.  It's like I'm the mega hot fudge sundae of the wanted spouse circuit."

"Thankfully I was always a good boy and agent."

Xander grinned.  "If you weren't and Peter hadn't told me about you I would've shot you by now."

Mickey smirked.  "You'll do good with my uncle.  He's got that same sort of mean streak.  Which way is the daycare?"  Xander gave him the address and he drove them there.  Then they went back to the apartment to work out how to deal with the interviews.  Xander had already called Peter from the shower and while changing.  So that was nice.  Mickey looked in the 'research' cabinet and nodded at what he saw.  "Nice collection."

Xander grinned.  "Yes, it is."  He beamed and held up a hand.  "I need to grab something from the warehouse."  He went down there, finding a goat tethered.  "Aww, baby, did no one feed you?"  He called upstairs and had Mickey liberate the lettuce from the fridge.  It'd have to do for a bit.  He fed the goat and went looking for what he needed.  Mickey stared from the doorway because the warehouse was creepy.

"Why did someone send you a goat?"

"It's a courier goat."  He grinned.  "Something on it must be worse than usual but I'm too pretty to disarm it at the moment."  He called someone and they came rushing over.  They had animal healing skills.  They found that one of the bombs had been tripped accidentally and Xander shut it off.  The goat got freed of all the little weapons, which Xander put in his pocket and backpack.  He patted the demon on the head.  "Take her home?"  He nodded, taking her with him.  "Tell him because that one was running, he's in trouble if he didn't know."

"Yes, Xander."

"Thank you."  They left, Xander taking the bomb to Beckett.  The officers in there stared at him.  "It showed up in the warehouse running.  It's disarmed, guys.  Really.  I'd never walk a live one in here."  He went up there and put it in front of Rick.  "You describe bombs funny.  Have a research sample."

"Where did you get it?" Detective Ryan quipped.

"On a goat.  The warehouse summoned it because it had accidentally been running in transit."  He grinned and walked off.  "Have fun with that.  The goat's free of all his little boxes and back with his master."

"Uh-huh," Beckett said.  "Where's the rest it was probably carrying, Xander?"  Xander sighed but handed over the few in his pockets.  "Thank you."  He beamed and walked off.  "Peter?"

Mickey looked back, shaking his head.  "He's my uncle.  One of the idiots decided if they can't have him, my uncle can't.  So I'm guarding him today for interviews."  He grinned.  "Robert would be so pleased since we don't have a case right now."  He got into the elevator.

"That's the guy that works with the Equalizer, right?" Esposito hissed.  Beckett nodded.  "I thought Peter looked familiar."

"We ran into him right after we started to work together, bro," Ryan told him.  "He was off hunting a stupid idiot."

"Oh, yeah.  I forgot that case since the State Department wanted it."  He shook his head and called someone.  "Harris's warehouse got sent a bomb he disarmed and gave to Castle as a research resource.  On Beckett's desk."  He hung up.  "Twenty.  He's across town."

"Sure.  As long as it won't explode."  She looked it over.  "It's a complicated little thing."

"It is," Rick agreed.  He took a picture and sent it to his contact in Homeland Security with a note about where it had come from.  He got back an 'I know'.

***

"So, you're his boyfriend," the reporter said, smiling at Mickey.

"Nephew of.  I'm playing a faithful bodyguard type today as a favor to him."

"Awww."

Xander shrugged.  "The idiot that started it this time was the same guy that broke in wearing Underdog's costume and singing his theme song," he said dryly.  "Last night he was using a Bat-grappling hook system when Beckett got him."

She walked off cackling.  "Peter is so much better for you, Xander."

"Yup, and he even taught me to like golf."

"You need to find a better course that's easier."

"That one's nice," Xander admitted.  "All but those two holes.  I'm told they're redoing them this winter."

"Less sadistic or more?" Mickey quipped.

"I'm hoping less.  Beyond that the rest want you to be members."

"True.  Though there's a new one in town, northern edge, and it's supposed to be decent enough.  They also have an indoor driving range for blowing off stress."

"I"ll have to find that," Xander decided.  The makeup person got finished with his hair that refused to do anything today.  "It decided I need to look like a Potter or a Sheppard," he quipped, cracking her up.

"You did look good with Sheppard on that signing trip," she assured him.  "There were a lot of pouty girls that hoped you two weren't together."

"John's way too smart for me."  He got done and released.  "Thank you, my dear."  She walked them out.  Mickey got a spot to wait.  Xander got put out on the stage but it was an interview room with two chairs this time because it was going to be a longer one.

Mickey stayed out of the way and watched for dangerous people who wanted what his uncle had.  The one that did showed up with a knife and before he could move, Xander had stood up and pulled out something.  The guy paused, staring at the tiny box.  Which grew.  Then the guy started to sweat and back up.

"No, I'm really sorry.  Wrong guy, Harris.  Really!" he said, nodding quickly, still walking backward.  "I thought you were someone else entirely.  Damn I'm stupid."  He kept going.  Mickey got him down and handcuffed before he got too much farther.

Xander sighed and shrank the box, putting it into his pocket.  "Someone delivered it to me earlier for the next apocalypse.  I haven't visited the warehouse yet."  Mickey took the bag and walked off again.  "My boyfriend's nephew.  He's being very protective today."

The reporter smiled and nodded.  "He seems like a nice guy.  Is he single?"

"I haven't asked.  I don't know too many straight, single women."

"Yes but I'm not looking," Mickey called.

"Pity.  I know a few officers who are looking for a good, strong boyfriend."  She smiled at Xander and they got back to the interview.

Mickey shook his head because somewhere Robert was spluttering his tea or his uncle was cackling about all this.

***

Beckett came off the elevator.  "Do I need to get a warrant?"

"Major uprising next week and all but two are in the warehouse, Kate."

She stared at him.  "I didn't get told that."

He looked up from his reading.  "We just got back from there.  And I'm so proud because Olivia petted the weapons and told them they were beautiful."  He beamed.

She huffed.  "Bag."  He pointed.  She looked, finding only two.  "Why not these two?"

"Broken.  I need to do some soldering work."

She confiscated them anyway.  "Which poker debt was it?"

"It was off the goat that appeared in the warehouse because that bomb was running."  He grinned at her.  "Don't I usually turn most everything over?"

"Yes but you've been in a foul temper since Peter went back to DC."

"No, I had fun while calling him earlier from the shower."

"I don't want to know," she complained.  She shook her head and walked off.  She could check with the probable dealer to make sure how many the goat had been carrying.  After she swatted him for doing it again.

Xander got back to reading, shaking his head.  Sometimes Beckett and Castle really needed to finally work things out so they'd both be less grumpy.  Maybe he'd work up a plan with Olivia to help them get together sooner.

***

Xander had practiced with Olivia for days for this.  He let her get on the elevator herself and pushed the button.  She beamed because they were being sneaky and she was making people happy.  She got off the elevator and ran over to hug her favorite uncles.  "Because you deserve pretty."  She handed him a flower.  She went to the others to do that too.  She smiled at her Auntie Kate and handed her a special one.  "You deserve pretty."  She handed one to her Uncle Rick.  "You deserve pretty too."  She beamed and ran off, letting the officer there push the button when she couldn't reach it.  "Fank you!"

"Olivia, who brought you in?" Rick called.

"Uncle Xander talkie."

"Tell him we said thanks, kiddo," Esposito said with a grin.   He and his partner had gotten nice simple purplish roses.  Beckett had a yellow and maroon rose.  "She picked you out one that matched her favorite dress," he teased with a grin.

Beckett smiled back.  "It's a beautiful flower."  She got something to put it in.  Rick's was green.  "What does your card say?"

Ryan read his.  "Olivia said everyone deserves something pretty to make them happier."  Esposito nodded his did too.

"Mine says 'men who are green should wear green more often' and to take my daughter out to lunch later."  He put it into his pocket with a grin.  "Yours?"

"Mine says 'a beautiful woman deserves a flower that reminds her of that magical time between sunrise and the end of night when dreams can be wished on safely'."  She leaned the card against the cup with the flower.  "Flattery will not get him the artillery back."  The detectives snickered but they knew it had been trying to make Castle jealous.  That's why his rose was green and had a little green-eyed cherub on the front.

Apparently they had lost the bet on whether or not Xander knew subtlety.  That had nearly bordered on smooth.  Especially with the way Castle was staring at her flower.

***

Olivia pounced the man outside their building.  "Got you!" she shouted.

"Olivia, get off the nice detective," Xander called.  "We don't know him that well."

"Oops."  She grinned.  "Hi!"

"Hi," he said with a smile back.  "Mr. Harris, I'm Detective Robbins, IAB."

"Not like I'm one of you."

"You walked a bomb in?"

"It appeared in the warehouse.  I had disarmed it.  I'd never walk a working one into the station."  He put down the bags and went back for more.  Olivia pressed the keys on the keypad while he swiped his passcard.  She carried the bags carefully in to sit in front of the elevator.  She didn't know how to keep the door open for very long yet.

"We know Detective Beckett and you have an arrangement for the apocalypse needs we have."  Xander nodded, putting down more bags.  He went back for the rest.  Then the cab could leave.  "Why didn't you hand over the rest?"

"Because that day was screwed up," he admitted.  "My boyfriend's nephew had to show up to help us protect ourselves thanks to a guy who wanted to date me that I wouldn't touch.  One of them actually tried to stab me during an interview."

"I saw that," he admitted.  "Which is what made us wonder."

"We went to the warehouse after all the interviews, when I deemed it safer to be less armed.  Beckett came up to scowl at me when we got home and took the two things I had kept out to repair."

"Oh.  So she didn't know?"

"No and frankly I needed it that day.  Between that interview and three others there was another attack by something paid to kill me so Peter would be bereft of my affection as it said."

The detective grimaced.  "Wanna be poet?"

"Apparently."  He shrugged.  "Anyway....."  He saw someone stomping his way.  "Olivia, stay inside.  It's bad people."  They activated a gas grenade next to them.  Xander hit him.  "You brought it near my niece, you fucking moron!"  Olivia was screaming, he could hear her.  "Get her inside.  In the living room there's a bathroom with my patrol med kit."  The officer took her up there to get her out of harm's way and to wash the gas off her.  Xander kicked the guy's ass the way he should have the first time he but he had been told to be polite.  He was pulled off by two officers.  "Olivia's upstairs.  Whatever gas he set off hit her."  They ran up to help her.  Xander got put against the building for now.  One of the paramedics was trying to check him over but he kept brushing them off.

"Let yourself be examined," a firm voice ordered.

"I"m fine."  He took Olivia to hug.  "Baby, are you all right?"  She sniffled and hugged him.

"You can both go," the paramedic said.  "You've got some burns as well."

"Kid, I'll put the groceries in your house," the IAB detective said.  Xander nodded, letting the paramedics take them both.  He looked at the other guy.  "You look like...."

"He's my uncle."  He took the bags up to put things up then went to the hospital, with a long, rant filled phone call on the way.  They already had Olivia in a bed with burn cream and damp bandages overtop of the burns.  Xander was hovering and holding her hand, talking quietly to her.  "Is she all right?"  Xander flinched and reached for a weapon.  "Calm down."  He moved into sight.  "Just calm down."  Xander relaxed and nodded.  "Is she going to be okay?  Uncle Shank was livid when I called."

"Yeah, they said it won't scar, just be really nasty and sore for a few days."

"Good, now let's get you treated.  I'll stay with Olivia.  And there's Beckett and Castle," he said, spotting them and waving them in.  "We'll stay with Olivia.  Between the three of us, no one's getting near her."  Xander swallowed but went to the bathroom.  Castle walked him out to the nurses.  They had called Beckett so the boy would let them treat him as well.  He relaxed against the wall.  "Uncle Peter's livid," he said.

She smiled.  "He called."  Mickey smirked back.  "It's a good thing I spent some time in Russia as an exchange student."  Mickey laughed.  Olivia fussed so she petted her hair.  "Shh, Olivia.  I'm here, Uncle Rick's outside with your Uncle Xander, and Uncle Peter's nephew Mickey is here to help us watch over you."  She looked at him.  "Who?"

"One of the two guys across the street."

"I thought they were both in jail."

"Apparently not."  Xander came in and he put him into a chair for now.  Xander relaxed and cuddled Olivia.  "I'll stay until Uncle Peter gets up here," he said calmly and quietly.

"Can you go guard the warehouse instead?" he asked.  He looked at him.  "There's too many dangerous things in there.  They might try to blow it up or something."

"I can do that."  He patted him on the back, watching him hiss.  He looked.  "Bad bruising, kid."  He left, going to do him that favor.  Knowing what he had found when he looked up the warehouse, he didn't want that thing to explode either.  He also called Tara to tell her.  He wasn't sure if anyone had yet or not.

***

"I'll be Goddess damned if that mother fucker hurts my niece again," Tara growled as she hung up and stomped off.  Her boss was giving her worried looks.  "One of the two people that's been plaguing Xander about the warehouse gas attacked him and Olivia."  She grabbed her jacket and stomped out.

Her boss sighed.  "It's nice there was no breeze this time," she decided.  The other librarian nodded.  "I'm hoping the baby's all right.  She's a wonderfully sweet girl who adores books."

"I'm sure she'll be fine.  Tara probably knows some healing spells or something."

"Probably."  She cleaned up the small mess of index cards Tara had dropped when the phone call started.  Fortunately the library was nearly empty today so no one had heard that unladylike outburst.

***

Tara came off the elevator at the hospital and a nurse got in her way.  "Ma'am, are you glowing due to radiation?"

"No, I'm a bit upset," she admitted calmly.  "I'm sorry if I'm scaring people."

"I need to make sure you won't hurt anyone."

"Olivia's my niece, she's like my little girl!"

She pointed.  "They're in there.  We moved in a cot for her uncle since he had some burns as well."  Tara nodded, going to sniffle and cry on Olivia.  Rick got her calmed down eventually and Olivia helped by patting her for feeling bad.  Within two hours, three more sets of visitors showed up.  One very snarling brunette young woman in leather pants and a sleeveless t-shirt who was wearing combat boots.  One older, scruffy man with dirty jeans and t-shirt that she made go clean up first.  And two brothers in much the same state as their father who also had to go clean up first.  The room was full but no one was going to get any of them to go home.  Around midnight another man, this one quiet, clean, looking calm and in control, walked off the elevator.  She stared at him.  "You were here earlier."

"Was my nephew," he said quietly.  "My boyfriend?"  She pointed.  He went in there, nodding at the others who were mostly drowsing.  He hugged Olivia.  "You will be fine.  Is like a sunburn."  She sniffled and nodded, cuddling him to cry on.  Xander woke up to that and moved to help him.  Peter held him as well.  Xander relaxed and let him handle things for him.  Beckett got the Winchesters slotted to the apartment for now.  They could come back tomorrow.  Olivia could probably get out then.  Xander too.  She looked at Peter, who nodded he was staying.  She said goodnight to the baby and promised she'd be back in the morning.  To try to rest.  The baby kissed her blindly and let her go with Uncle Rick.  Tara got brought home by John, letting her cry about all that.

Peter kissed Xander on the temple.  "Climb in beside her.  I'll make sure you don't pull anything out and it will soothe you both."  Xander nodded and let himself be helped up there.  Olivia went to sleep.  Xander went to sleep.  Peter sat up and watched over them, seething that the justice system had failed.  It would not happen again if he had his way.  And he would have his way.

***

The judge looked at the case file he had been presented for arraignment.  "It looks like a chemical gas attack, Mr. Lyons?"  That was not what he was expecting when the bailiff said 'assault with a deadly weapon'.

"Yes, Your Honor, and the man is on probation from one incident against that man, on bail for another a few weeks back, and now used a chemical gas grenade his pet drug makers made for him on a young man and a not-quite-three-year-old girl.  Personally, the citizens of this city want him under the jail with no hope of seeing daylight ever again."

The judge looked at him.  "Are there indications that we'd have to take security precautions in the jail?"

"Yes, Your Honor.  The guards last night had to put him in solitary for his own safety after the second attempted attack happened.  Both were 'you're a sick bastard to attack a kid with a chemical weapon' sort."  He looked at the papers.  "Beyond that, he's awaiting trial on two other cases from what I'm seeing."  He handed that to the bailiff.

"Does your client have any sort of excuse for how stupid he is?" he asked the defense attorney.

"He vehemently opposes the owner of that building being there, sir.  He and another building owner have both allegedly attacked him."

"They've both been convicted of it," the prosecutor stated.  "That means it's not alleged anymore."

Beckett stood up.  "Your Honor, the other one in this duo of stupidity was remanded to the demonic courts upon their asking for him," she stated.  "That warehouse has been there since the eighteen hundreds.  It's always had a guardian.  The last one was psychotic and left it to Mr. Harris to guard.  I don't really care that they don't like that the warehouse has been there longer than the factories they ran into the ground and then started to use to make drugs."

The judge stared at her.  "Detective...."

"Beckett."

"Ah, I see.  And that would be that Mr. Harris."  She nodded.  "How are they?"

"Both have chemical burns.  Olivia's going to be fine they think.  No lasting damage or harm to her eyes.  He's hoping for the same since he waited until she was settled and he had backup to get treated."

"He doesn't need them anyway," the idiot spouted off with a sneer.  "He writes crappy *fantasy* books."

She stared at him. "Which is why he makes more than your factory ever did.  So if he can't write any more, he can sue you."  She smiled.  He slumped down.  She looked at the judge again.  "We've already stopped and warned the demonic element in this city that are usually peaceful and relatively decent at being New Yorkers to not attack them.  There was going to be one.  The young and stupid among them may still.  They said they'd try to stop them."

The judge nodded.  "I wasn't going to give him bail anyway, Detective.  Not with him awaiting two other trials.  I will order him put into solitary confinement or other suitably safe arrangements."  He banged his gavel.  "That one is remanded to the state's custody.  Did he want to enter a plea at this time?"

"Not guilty."

"Fine."  He marked that down.  The man was led off complaining about demons.  At least until he started to scream and wail.

The bailiff walked out then back in shaking his head.  "The slayer Faith just ran into him in the hallway and didn't touch him."

"If he's that scared of strong women no wonder he turned to drugs."  The prosecutor snickered.  "Thank you."

"No, sir, thank you."  He walked off talking to Beckett about their injuries.  She could get Xander to agree to turn over the medical records without a judicial order.  He checked on the other one.  He had been sentenced to twenty years in a jail that was underwater on a demon realm with carnivorous fish.  He wasn't going to get out early.

***

Xander woke up and started to rub his eyes but Peter stopped him.  "Do not, will make it more sore," he said quietly.

"I thought you showed up in a dream," he murmured.

"No, I'm real."  He kissed him on the temple.  "You however have a fever."  He got the nurse in, letting her check him over.  Xander shifted.  "Olivia is with Tara.  She got lesser exposure by being inside for most of it and getting it washed off immediately."  Xander slumped.

"We were waiting on a bed to come open to move you to your own room," the nurse said.  "Let me check on that."  She went back to the desk to call.  She came back with a wheelchair.  "All right, let's get you up to your own room."  She and Peter helped him into the chair and they wheeled him off.  "Your niece was adorable and made sure that the burns wouldn't make her less pretty."

Xander grinned a tiny bit, it hurt to smile more.  "She's very concerned about her prettiness level.  I'm not sure how we managed that."

The nurse smiled.  "Some girls are like that but yours is also smart, protective, and mothering.  I wish more children on my unit were nice like she was."  She turned him over.  "His niece got released about an hour ago.  This is his boyfriend."

"Who has her?" Xander asked Peter, turning his head to look at him even though the bandages meant he couldn't see.

"Tara does at your apartment with all three Winchesters.  Castle is checking on her today as well."  Xander nodded.  He looked at the nurse.  "They'll show up later."

"That's fine."  She got him settled and let them fuss at each other.  Peter settled in to read to him.  That was sweet.

"It's not fair that I can't pounce you for that," Xander teased.

"You can pounce when you are healed.  Before then, let me put you to sleep with boring parts I cannot fix."  Xander yawned but nodded, letting him do that.  Xander was nearly woken up when Doctor Lam stormed in but Peter glared at her.  "Hush."

She glared back.  "Boyfriend?"  He smirked and nodded.  "I've heard about you from General Jack."  She checked Xander over, using a different cream.  "This is stuff we found off-world that works wonders on burns of all kinds and helps heal cuts faster without a scar," she said in Xander's ear.  He moaned but shifted.  "Shh.  Nurse, can I look at his eyes?"

"He has an eye exam later, Doctor Lam.  They said to leave it on until then because they put special drops in his eyes."

"That's fine.  I've seen worse cases heal without scars."  She looked at Peter, who merely crossed his legs.  "Good."  She smiled.  "I like the boy.  He's very nice and polite, so if you screw him or his niece up I'll be killing you myself."  She made notes in his chart and left her card so she could be updated.  The nurse smiled and she left.

"How did he know someone at the SGC?" the nurse asked.

"He moved next to General O'Neill once.  Doctor Lam fixed his broken rib that had caused problems."

"Awwww.  That's very sweet of her."  She left to make that note as well.  He had some really good doctors on his case.  Plus a stubborn boyfriend with a hot accent who was in fussing mode.  It was sweet to watch.

***

Xander looked at his eye doctor.  "So... am I going to be able to see the computer I'm typing on again?" he asked finally when the silence in the exam room got too heavy to not break.

"You'll have some irritation and it looks like you've probably need some reading glasses for a while."  He pulled back.  "You'll have eye drops for about six weeks to help with the inflamation.  Whoever created that stuff was stupid on a galactic scale."

"They've been making drugs with illegal immigrants they've been keeping hostage," Xander admitted quietly. "Six weeks?"

"Yes."

"My niece Olivia?"

"Hers got washed out very quickly so there's some puffiness and redness but it'll go down within days.  Where you protected her and beat the crap out of him from what I heard, and then refused treatment until she was safe, it lasted longer on you."  Xander nodded he realized that.  "Most parents would do that though."  He looked up from writing his prescription.  "Once the inflamation is down, you can go looking for a stylish pair of reading glasses.  Also, she's about old enough to get hers checked too."

"I planned on it before September.  That way she gets into the habit of knowing she's going to the eye doctor and getting shots."

He smiled.  "That is a good thing, yes."  He handed over the slip of paper.  "Get it filled on your way home tomorrow."

"Not tonight?"

"No, I'm told they were worried about something in your blood."

"Oooh.  That might be a problem.  I'll ask."  The doctor smiled and got the nurse to take him back up to his room.  Once they were in the elevator alone looked back at her.  "I have medical records that are sealed by order of the government," he said quietly.  "Specifically blood work."

She nodded she had heard.  "Doctor Lam ordered some to be run and forgotten about."  She pushed him off into their unit.  "She was worried about your liver function for some reason."

"I've been a good boy.  It must be where John made me eat too many vegetables."

"John?"

"Winchester.  Olivia's been adopted as an honorary granddaughter."  He grinned.  "He even got her a foam staff she likes to beat on him with."

"Awww."  She got him settled into his bed.  Peter showed up with a take-out box, which she sighed at.  "We should make him eat something nutritious."

"Is nutritious and chocolate," he offered.  "It will make him feel better.  Has protein from nuts."  He let her see the cake.  She moaned and made a note that he had dinner.  Peter handed him the box and plastic fork.  Xander beamed at him.  "How are they?"

"Eye drops for six weeks."  He handed Peter the prescription.  "Then he said I should probably look at reading glasses."

"There are some pretty ones that Olivia would like."

"I doubt I'll wear pink, even for her."  He ate a bite.  "How is she?"

"John has her calmed down.  They are coming later."  He looked out in the hallway, finding a sneaking, crawling thing.  He cleared his throat loudly, pointing at the baby.  The nurse looked over the desk, coming over to pick it up and give it an odd look.  Fortunately a father came looking for her a few minutes later.  Peter settled in his seat again.  "She is worried but they told her you needed to rest tonight."

Xander nodded.  "I think I get out tomorrow."  He ate another bite.  "This almost makes it better."

"When you get home, we will sit and read to the baby.  That will make you feel most better."

Xander grinned.  "Thank you," he said quietly.

"Is what parents do.  I would if she were mine.  Unfortunately he cannot get out so I cannot finish the beating you started.  He is much too protected."  Xander nodded with a grimace but ate another bite.  He put it aside.  Peter smiled and opened a book.  It helped him rest.  It helped Peter calm down.

Xander slid down on the bed and listened for now.  It meant his eyes quit aching from the light because he could close them.  He felt someone climb up him and hugged them.  "Hi, 'Liv.  Uncle Xander's just fine."

"Is not Olivia.  Is crawling one from earlier.  Is her father missing her again?" he called.  The nurse came in and sighed, taking the baby with her.  She shut that room's door.  "She knew you needed hug."

"I do probably look a bit pitiful."

Peter kissed him.  "Not much. Mostly like bad sunburn with allergies."  Xander grinned and let him read to him some more, nibbling on his cake by the fingerful.  It was nice.  Even when Olivia got there and climbed up to cuddle him.  Then he read to both of them.  John came in a few minutes later.  "Did she get on elevator without you?"

"Yes.  I was asking which room he was in.  She heard and took off for the elevator.  She pushed the right button I guess."  He sat on the foot of the bed.  "She's been worried all day but she knows you're fine.  Right, Olivia?"

"You hush," she ordered, snuggling in better.  She crooned and patted him like he did her.  Her uncle smiled and cuddled her better.

Doctor Lam walked in and smiled.  "Aww."

"Olivia, let's get him a soda," John ordered.

"No.  I stay here," she said, clinging.  She looked at the woman.  "Who you?"

"I'm Doctor Lam, Olivia.  I took care of your uncle when he was sick a few years back.   Back before you came to live with him."  She petted her hair down.  "You're very good at taking care of them, sweetheart.  I'm very proud of how good you are at it."  Olivia smiled and kissed her uncle's cheek.  "Xander, liver function?"

"Mermaid or magic?"

"Probably magical damage.  I didn't check it last time beyond making sure the illness didn't hurt it any."  Xander sighed but nodded.  "It looks like you haven't went down much from the last time your regular doctor checked it."

"That's good," Peter said.  "What caused that?"

"A certain magic addicted witch when I tried to stop her world-ending suicide attempt," Xander said.  "I felt like a baby Potter."

"Ow," John said, rubbing his own side.  Peter nodded he agreed.

She smiled at Xander.  "The rest isn't bad, but isn't great.  It's still there.  You being sick made it go up some but I'm fairly certain it'll go back down."  He nodded, blinking at her.  She applied the eye drops for him, handing him a tissue.  He sighed in pleasure.  Olivia giggled and hugged him.  "Six times a day starting tomorrow."  She patted him on the head  "Right now, make sure you don't get more sick."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good boy."  She smiled at Peter.  Then at John.  "I'll let Philips and the general know."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."  She left, making some notes that didn't say much but would allude for those who knew about his sealed medical records.  Then she went back to base so she could relax.

Olivia looked at the box of cake then her uncle, picking up the fork to feed him a bite.  "You eat.  Need food to be strong.  Need chocolate to be happy."

Xander grinned at her.  "You're so smart."

She beamed back and fed him another bite.  The two silly adults smiled at her for it but that was being a big boy she supposed.  Her other uncles did.  Her uncle yawned so she put the fork back down and laid down again to cuddle him, staring at her Uncle Peter since he had the book.  "Bedtime story?" she asked when he didn't catch the clue.

He grinned back.  "Of course I can read you both a bedtime story."  He went back to reading.  When Olivia was snoring and Xander was halfway to the same state, John picked up Olivia.  Peter smiled.  "I will be here until he comes home," he said quietly.

"Thank you.  Your nephew's a really nice kid by the way."   He carried Olivia down to his truck so he could take her home and put her into her bed.

Peter put his feet up on the edge of the bed, watching his boyfriend nap while checking his weapons.  The nurses weren't watching so no one would have a fit.  He wasn't sure someone else wouldn't try.  Though he had been...mean to a few of them so they wouldn't be coming back.  Xander shifted and winced, waking himself up.  Peter put up his gun and leaned over to stroke over his hair.  "Rest," he said quietly.  "I am watching."

Xander yawned.  "I always feel safe around you," he said quietly.  "That's why I was able to fall asleep with strange people in the house that first day."

Peter smiled.  "I am very bad but not for you."  Xander grinned back.  He yawned and let himself drift off again.  Peter relaxed back in his chair.  A nurse peeked in and he nodded at her.

"Does he need guarded?"  Peter nodded.  "We do have security."

"I am former agent."

"Oh.  Then you'd probably do it better."  Peter smirked and nodded.  "Fine.  Get your feet off the bed please."  He did that.  "Thank you."  She walked off.

Peter made sure he was comfortable and able to see all the way up the hallway to the elevator.  He did not want any surprises from those who wanted what he had.  Those ones really needed to learn manners more than Olivia did.

***

Olivia looked around the daycare, blinking at the strange noise.  She was only in here so they could get her uncle home without her help - her aunt had told her that.  So why was someone crying?  She got up and looked in the hallway but Missy, her room's monitor, pulled her back and shut the door.  "Crying," she said with a point and a foot stomp.

"There's adults to handle that."

"So?"  Missy pointed so she huffed and went back to her book.  Missy went to check on things, closing the door behind her.  Olivia got up and listened then opened the door with a touch of magic, looking out in the hallway.  She scowled and closed the little kids in the room.  She stomped to the mean person that was bad.  She knew he was bad.  She glared at him.  "Uncle be mad!" she announced.  "He be very mad!"

"He needs my help to feel better," he told her with a smile.  She kicked him on the ankle.  "Hey!  Usually you're more polite."

"That's because you stupid," she assured him.

He laughed.  "You really do sound like your mother and Aunt Buffy sometimes, Olivia."  She growled and he squealed as he changed to a little pig.

"Little piggy cried 'wee wee wee' all the way home," she quoted then cackled and ran off.

"Olivia," Missy called, following her.  They had to have a talk right then about her magic.  Even if he was bad, she shouldn't change people.  It was really hard to change them back.

She also called Tara.

***

Tara hung up with a sigh, looking at her aunt.  "Olivia just changed someone that was wanting to take her from the daycare into a piglet.  She quoted the little piggy song."  She rubbed her forehead.  "I've got to talk to her."  She got up.  "I'll talk to you later, Aunt.  Let me help the coven member at her daycare."  She walked off shaking her head.

Missy looked at Tara when she was let into the room.  "She glared when he said she was just like her Aunt Buffy and mother.  That was right after she called him stupid."

"Which one was it, Olivia?"

"Bad idiot."  Tara stared at her.  She shrugged and shrank down some.  "Just know he's bad!  Uncle keeps him away from me."

"I will be too but you still can't change people," Tara said.

She looked down.  "Sorry?"

"You're grounded so yes you will be."  Tara sighed, looking at the piglet in the corner.  She concentrated.  "Change him back."

"He still bad!"

"I'll beat him if he tries anything," Tara assured her.  "Change him back."  Olivia huffed but did that.  She looked at the man.  "Well, she's right, you are bad."  He stared at her, starting to sniffle.  "Try it," she growled.  The man sat down.  It was disorienting when you suddenly changed back into a human.  Tara called someone.  "Detective Ryan?  It's Tara."  She sighed.  "Gustav showed up at Olivia's daycare.  He's no longer a piglet.....  Was he trying to get her out?" she asked Missy.  Who nodded.  "Yes, he was, Detective Ryan.  Please?  Thank you.  No, I'm going to be talking with Olivia about when you're supposed to change people, like when they're actually kidnaping you.  Thank you."

She hung up.  "He'll send down Detective Esposito in a few moments."  She pulled Olivia over and made her stand in front of her, making her look at her.  "If they're touching you, hurting you, or trying to take you, then you change them.  Not because they're threatening.  That is an adult job and you're at least fifteen years from that.  Probably more if your uncle gets his way."

Olivia nodded, looking down again.  "I won't change anyone again unless they're being bad to someone instead of talking about it."

Tara hugged her.  "Thank you, Olivia.  That's a good way to do it."  Olivia nodded, cuddling.  "C'mon, I'm not at work today so I'll bring you with me."  Olivia nodded, running off to get her bag and jacket.  Tara looked at Missy.  "Is everyone else all right?"

"She locked the other kids in the room," she said.  "She's very protective and a good girl, Tara.  We love Olivia."

Tara smiled.  "She does us proud with how protective she is."  She smiled when Olivia came back.  "Some day when I have a baby, I want her and you to get along very well."

"Then you've decided?" Missy asked.

She sighed but nodded.  "Mostly yes.  I'm not sure about other things like who I'd ask to donate or if I want something frozen."  She stood up.  "I was talking with my aunt.  We'll take her lunch."  She signed Olivia out, letting her hug the other workers.  Then they took a cab to her aunt's shop.  It was good for Olivia to meet other witches, even if her aunt was a judgmental pain in the butt at times.  She scowled at Olivia but Tara shook her head.  "He was trying to remove her from daycare and she knows that she's only supposed to do it if they're hurting someone or trying to take her."

"That's more reasonable," her aunt decided.  "She's very young."

"She's been active since she was about six months old."  She picked Olivia up to cuddle her.  "Her mother used to pop around all the time while pregnant so she's always been very active."

"I can understand that."  She led them back to the office, smiling at the bag of croissants that her niece pulled out of her bag.  Olivia walked around looking at all the books.  She looked at Tara and pointed.  She knew that book.

"That's not our copy so it doesn't talk like your daddy."

Her aunt stared at her.  "You go ahead if it makes you feel better, dear.  That way I can see how you do things."  Olivia beamed at her and pulled down the book to hug.  She opened it and it read to her.  She smiled at her niece.  "She's stronger than you."

Tara smiled.  "That's why we're so strong about teaching her boundaries.  So she knows when she should and shouldn't use it.  Plus I'm teaching her a lot about plants."

"That's wonderful and an area you've always excelled in."  She smiled at the girl.  "Anything to limit her?"

"We have a few small ones in henna on her lower back that we go over every few weeks to keep down the hellmouth taint her mother sucked up when she went to reminisce while pregnant.  When we first got her, she was so full of multiple forms of magic.  John and I weeded it out."

"That's always wise."  She smiled at the girl, who was listening to the book and pointing at the words she knew.  "She's incredibly bright as well."

Tara smiled.  "She loves books.  She's already reading very tiny words.  Xander's even written her some books."

"I saw one of those."  She gave Olivia a croissant but the girl put it beside her and nibbled, making sure she licked her fingers clean and wiped them on her skirt before turning the page.   "She's very careful with the books."  Tara smiled.  "You've done a good job with her."

"Xander's done an excellent job with her.  He has her more often than I do because he has more time to spend with her.  I get her about three nights a week and two of those are my days off.  Plus I'm over a lot."

"That's good.  The boy turned out better than I thought."  She smiled.  The girl was reading back to the book.  It was adorable.  Tara showed her the video Xander had sent of John talking to her about gardens.  Her aunt grinned at that.  It was a nice, peaceful meeting for a change.

***

Tara sat down next to Sam on the porch at Xander's.  "Can you find something for me?" she asked quietly, looking at her hands.

"Of course.  What did you need to find?"

She blushed and looked at him.  "A sperm bank that's focused on the supernatural community?" she whispered.

He hugged her.  "The only one I know doesn't really screen out the bad guys but I'll look."  She grinned, still blushing.  "Give me a day to look."  He pulled over his laptop to start a good search for her.  That one wasn't going to be good enough for Tara's future kid.  She went back inside.  He grinned, expanding his search overseas as well.  England might have one with the upswing of those who wanted to be Druids.

Xander blinked from his spot on the couch being fussed over by Olivia.  "When do I get someone new to fuss over with her?"

"I'm looking at frozen daddy options.  Sam's looking to see if there's one for witches."

"You could just pop Sammy into bed," Dean offered from his seat.  She blushed and shook her head quickly.  "Or just have him do it into a cup so your doc can insert it.  Less fun but if that's how you wanna go."

"If he wanted to be the daddy to your future kid, I wouldn't mind," John told her.  "We like you.  You're a good witch.   You know about hunters and hunting.  You'd never keep us from the baby."  She shook her head with a smile.  "Or you can have Dean."

"Dean's snipped," Dean noted.

"Or Xander," John offered.

"Infertile," Xander said.  "Mermaid taint made sure."

John shook his head.  "You guys were damn insane out there."  She giggled and nodded.  Sam came in to show her the place he had found.  Nothing too great but it seemed decent.  "Do they screen for evil bastards, Sammy?" John asked.

"No, none of them do.  This one does sort by type of magic they use."

She looked over the samples they showing limited information on.  Mostly they had how many samples in these different magics.  She stared.  "I don't like how many chaos sorts they have."

"It's not like it can warp the seed in the other freezers," Xander teased.

She looked at him.  "Olivia, swat him for the bad thought please?"  Olivia swatted him but grinned at him for it.  She was helping him put in his eye drops.

Peter came off the elevator with a bag.  He smiled at Xander and Olivia.  He was feeling strange and he wasn't sure why.  He put the bag in the refrigerator and picked up Olivia, smiling at her.  "Is going to rain.  Go pick up the toys outside?"  She wiggled down and went to do that.  He smiled at Tara.  "He is fine."

"I know.  You and Olivia take good care of him.  Should I take her home with me tonight?"

"No!" Olivia shouted.  "Stay here!"

"That way your uncle could rest," John told her.

"So?  I fuss!" she ordered.

"You do it very well," Xander promised.  He looked at Peter, who could only smile.  "How about you fuss tonight?  And then tomorrow Auntie Tara gets you through Sunday since that's your usual day with her?  And she can take all the Winchesters for a night too because Grandpa's snoring is keeping me up."  John looked pissed but Sam and Dean blushed.

"Yeah, we can give you two an uninterrupted night," Dean said quietly.  John stared at him.  "Dad, wouldn't you have wanted a night *alone* with Mom?"

"Oh!"  He nodded.  "Sorry, kid."

"Most of the time I don't mind but I want a night where I can cuddle and be babied.  And maybe have sex on the couch again."

John blushed bright red and nodded.  "I can do that.  I was married once and wanted the same thing.  That's why we have Sammy."

"Dad!" Sam complained.  "TMI."

"Very TMI," Dean agreed.  "Though I remember a little old lady up the street that had cats...."  He shook his head quickly.

"She was your babysitter," John agreed.  "Mary and I always tried to go out once a week even if it was just for a few hours on a picnic in a park.  It kept her happy and it let her tell me things that weren't nagging about tossing my socks into her basket or leaving dirty dishes out."

Sam grinned.  "I did that a lot with Jess, especially during the bad weeks of college.  That way we could destress and forget that books existed for a few hours.  We usually went to the club though."

"I can't comment.  I've had a serious one but she hated to go out."  Dean shifted.  "Hey, Olivia, can I have a cuddle?"

She looked at his lap.  "Would make kitty wife move."  John snickered, shaking his head.   She came over to pet the cat and hug him without climbing into his lap.  That kitty might bat at her with her claws out if she tried to move her from Dean's lap.  Sam caught her and cuddled her.  "Fuss now," she complained.  "Nearly bedtime."

Sam smiled at her.  "You have a few hours and I needed Olivia cuddles."

"When you're with me you can help me figure out how to have my own baby," Tara said.

Olivia gaped at her then squealed and pounced her to cuddle.  "Baby sister!"  She patted her tummy.  "Baby sister soon?"

"I'm trying to pick the daddy then we'll work on giving you a baby sister."  She smiled.  "So I need help picking out the daddy."

Olivia stared at her then at Dean.  "Kitty wife would mind."  Dean snickered but nodded.  "So take Uncle Sam!" she decided, beaming at him.

"None of us would mind if he wanted to be the daddy," John assured her.  "You'd still be my granddaughter too."

Olivia grinned at him.  Then at Sam.  "Make baby now!"

"No, we can't do it today," Sam said.  "We need to do things first."  Olivia pouted.  "Besides, I have to be alone with Auntie Tara to help her with the baby thing.  And we might need a doctor first too."

"Ooooh.  Shots?" she asked Tara.

"No, just a check up."  Olivia cuddled her.  It was making her feel better about her decision, even if she felt a bit guilty about wanting a baby of her own.  Later that night she tapped on Sam's bedroom door and walked in when he said she could.  She sat on the bed.  "I'm not sure if I can do...."  She sighed, looking at him.  "With a frozen one there's no one *there*, Sam."

He grinned.  "I get that.  There'd be no nagging about 'it was good enough for my boys' or no need to worry about starting something with someone and the daddy feeling like he was in the way.  I'm totally leaving that choice up to you, Tara.  If you want me to do it, I'll gladly go to your doc."  She grinned, blushing some.  "I'll also be there whenever I'm nearby to take some of the baby care duties and all that.  So would Dean probably.  He's been jonsing for a nephew for years even if he doesn't say it.  Family's very important to a Winchester."

She nodded.  "I'm still trying to decide."

He kissed her on the cheek.  "It's all good, no matter which way you decide."  She smiled at him and left to go home.  His father walked in.  "She does have a point.  A baby from a frozen sample would mean that she'd have a baby of just her own.  No one else to tell her how to do things, get into arguments with over things, nothing like that.  With her past she'd probably want that so that she could have someone that was just there for *her*."

John considered it.  "I can understand that.  She'd have Xander to help her co-parent."  Sam nodded.  "Though it could open her up to more nagging from her aunt.  Pregnant women are fragile and that woman is rabid to having Tara back on the pacifist side of the craft."

"The last time Xander had to pick up something there, he and Dean went because her aunt's coven tried to wish him harm."

"I wonder if that's what's keeping the thing with the Treasury going."

"Xander filed papers to get them to leave him alone.  Against his lawyer's wishes but he did."

"It figures.  I'd have asked the drool patrol."

"No, then they'd want something and the one he did ask was horrified that he'd ask for that sort of help and not want to be his."

"Oh."  He nodded.  "I guess that makes sense.  We can do a hotel room tomorrow."

"Tara has the other suite free, Dad.  Plus the couches."  He nodded at that and went back to his own room to think.  Sam snuggled into his bed to think as well.  Dean's cat hopped up to get some petting then left to go back to her human.  With the way things were looking maybe they should start thinking about finding a place nearby more often.  They appreciated Xander but he and Peter needed more time alone.  It was hard to get your woo on when the house was full of people who woke up at the first moan.

***

Xander followed the summons' instructions, going to the Treasury office.  He held up the letter when the receptionist looked at him.  She typed in what she needed from it and he went to take a seat.  He had a thick file with him.  Mostly of court transcripts.  When an agent came out to greet him he got a funny look.  "One of the assholes who used to run a meth making operation across the street decided that I was evil again and tried to gas attack myself and my niece.  Which is one reason why I need it unlocked, to pay the medical bills."

The agent blinked at him.  "There was a question about why you didn't protest."

"I did protest.  All but one."  He held up the file.  "I submitted these before and apparently someone decided to toss them out."  The agent glared.  Xander stared at him.  "I've seen tougher teenagers.  I'm not really in a good mood.  The only one I didn't protest the judge told me that if I had, it would've opened a challenge for a group that wanted a house that had been used for sacrificial killings.  No one wanted them to get it but they had a good challenge lined up if I opened up that can of worms."

"Oh."  He led him back to his office, looking over that paperwork.  "What did cause this...mass extinction?  My boss was wondering."

"Willow Rosenburg when she was pregnant with Olivia.  She's never liked the ones who're drawn to me.  A few she changed into something, those she accidentally wished would die off and leave me alone.  The wish demon decided the gifting part was nice."  He grinned.

"Where is she?"

"Stuck on another plane at the moment.  That's why I have my niece."

"Oh," he said, going to talk to his boss.  "Court transcripts that were supposedly submitted before?"  The boss pointed at the trash can.  "Sir, we have no reason to hold this account closed.  He's also suing us."

"Then burn them before you toss them," he said with a smirk.

Xander walked up behind him.  "I was wondering which clan you were from.  Huh, you're fully human.  That's almost shocking."  The man gave him a horrified look.  Xander smiled.  "You're screwing with me for some other reason than being a demon?"

"Sir," the agent complained.

Xander smiled at him.  "Yay.  Like I said, I need it for the medical bills thanks to the meth making mother fuckers across the street that gas attacked myself and my nearly three-year-old niece because we live there."

The boss blinked.  "What case is this?" he demanded.

"Harris."  The agent got the full file for him and brought it back.  "The judge is being an asshole."

"The judge is actually a half-demon and his brother owes me a lot of kittens," Xander admitted, leaning in the doorway.  "He thinks it's keeping his brother in the circuit but I've never pushed for him to pay me."  He shrugged.  "I'm peaceful to all demons and half demons that aren't screwing with me or trying to end humanity.  They all know that.  He's just being a bitch."

"Language," the boss ordered.

"Frankly, sir, I'm in pain, I'm overdue for my eyedrops, I ache like shit, and if I didn't have to do this today, because I was summoned, I'd be at home with my boyfriend helping me rest.  I've only been out of the hospital for a day now."  The boss groaned.  He signed off.  "When can I have it back so I can pay off the hospital?"

"Within a week."  He handed him the paperwork.  "That lawsuit to unblock it?" the agent asked with a smile.

"When I get mine I'll take it off.  Because I know there's others who are idiots in other offices who might interrupt."  He grinned and took the papers. "I had to get away from one of them the last time I was in DC.  By the way, Bill Myers, down there, is not only laundering money, he's doing it for some drug dealers and a weapons dealer I know.  The weapons dealer suggested I go to him about this problem."  The boss smiled and made notes about that.  "Thank you."  He walked off.  He took a cab to the bank, who copied that into the file.  Then to his lawyer's.  He was happy to have that information.  Then Xander went home to grab his eye drops and put them in.

Peter looked at him.  "You smell like agency offices."

"Treasury over my accounts."  He took a kiss and grinned.  "They're going to unblock it sometime.  And when they do I'll remove that lawsuit to unblock it."  He got something to drink.  "Want something since I'm in here?"

"No.  I'm good."  He watched as Xander came out and laid down.  "Head still hurt?"

"Just my eyes and my lungs."

"They did not say you had lung infection."

"I don't.  I coughed for about thirty minutes though."  He sipped some of his water and put it down beside him on the floor.  "You look upset."

"I was talking to Cash about something and he made strange accusation."

"If you want, we can go kick his ass."

"No.  Besides, you should not fly.  Pressure changes could hurt your eyes."  Xander nodded that was true.  Peter was sulking.  Cash had said something very strange to him and he had denied it.  He was still denying it.  Xander picked up a book and read out loud, making him smile.  "I need bedtime story?"

"It made me feel better.  I figured it might make you feel better," Xander said quietly, looking at him.  "Or, you know, we could do the girl talking thing.  Olivia would be proud of us if we did."

Peter snickered.  "She would, especially if we dressed up while doing it."  Xander grinned and nodded.  He considered it.  "Cash decided I was in love."

Xander tipped his head to the side.  "Okay.  I can say I'm edging on that myself."  Peter smiled.  "But you're the one that may have complications if you move in or something."

Peter nodded.  "True.  Many of them do not want to mess with you."

"There's days I wish that would spread," he said dryly.  "Not literally wish but well...."

"I understand.  There's many that I would like the same gift to spread to."  He shifted.  "What should we do about this?"

"Well, there's two options.  One of them being that we have to move to DC and find a new coven to watch over Olivia.  Or you could move up here."

"You would wish me to move in?"

"I didn't figure you'd want to run to Vegas tonight," he said dryly.   "That would definitely mean Olivia having to shop."  He sipped his water and put it back down, shooing the cat away from it.  "My water.  You have kitty bowls."

Peter smiled.  "True.  Olivia would have to get a very pretty dress for that."  Xander nodded.  "Tara as well."  Xander grinned.  "Might even get Winchesters out of jeans."

"Maybe," Xander agreed.  "We'd also have to time it so it wasn't when they're having that battle for a titled position next week.  That way they don't think we're there to step in."

"They are?"

"Yeah, some heirs are going to fight to the death to see who takes over the clan.  They've rented out somewhere, are putting it up on their version of pay-per-view.  Told the locals, who called Tara.  She told them what that meant and why it was important to let them.  Including an all out civil war within the clan."  Peter nodded at that.  "It's going to be brutal.  They've been training for years to kill each other.  They've all got to have at least four kids by then.  One's iffy because he only has three and one on the way.  If he's not there, the winner can kill him so he doesn't challenge him when the fourth is born."

"Sounds like some people I know."  He shifted again.

Xander grinned.  "Do you have the wiggles?"

"Quite."  He got up and came over, making Xander sit up so he could rest on his thigh instead.  It felt like a good time to get closer to him.  "What do you want?"

"I don't care.  If we have a more planned wedding someone will ultimately put it in a paper somewhere."

Peter nodded.  "Is true."

"Which would mean pictures."

"Also true."

Xander sat up to kiss him.  "So I guess I'll leave that to you since you have scary people who make you hide sometimes," he said quietly.  He laid back down.  "Did I send my tux to the cleaner for Banned Authors?"  Peter nodded, smiling and stroking over his stomach for him.  It rumbled back to show it liked that.  "Sorry."

"Agents make many people's stomachs upset."  He heard the buzzer for the doorway intercom, sighing.  He got up.  "What?" he asked.

"Is this where Mr. Alexander Harris lives?" the male voice asked.

"He is not feeling well."

"Sir, Homeland Security."

"Oh, fuck," Xander muttered.  "I didn't threaten anyone."

Peter let them up, staring at them as they got off the elevator.  "He is resting."

"I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding," he said with a smile.

Xander looked at him.  "I didn't threaten anyone.  And usually I see Agent Philips over my former dates.  So who're you?"

"Agent Michael Tyler," he said, flashing his ID.

Peter took it to look at.  "Is fake," he said bluntly.  "Wrong writing around edges."  He looked at him.  The guy pulled a gun.  Peter got him before Xander could move off the couch.  "Huh, they are not good in the least.  In my day, agents were tougher," he told the unconscious man.  He called someone.  "Come get fake agent for me before I kill over him pulling a gun on my intended."  He hung up.  And called someone else.  "My nephew will have present for you in form of fake agent who is wimp."  He hung up and sat down, letting Xander have his water with a smile.

"It's nice not being the most protective in my relationship."  He grinned and kissed him.  "Thank you."

"You are most welcome."  Mickey came off the elevator.  "I knew you made copy of the card."

"I did.  Sorry, kid."

Xander waved a hand.  "Beckett has one too."

"I used hers."  He grinned.  "Who was he?"  Peter pointed at the credentials he had dropped.  He looked at the ID.  "That's a really bad fake," he decided.  He hauled him up and down to his car.  He went back up there.  "Someone else coming for him?"  Peter nodded.  "Decent."  He left, smiling because his uncle looked good cuddling his boyfriend.  It was almost sweet in a way.

He took the idiot not-an-agent-of-that-agency to see who he really was.  There were only a few people his uncle would've called to come clean up this piece of trash so he called the most likely on the way.  "Uncle Shank probably called you," he said in greeting.  "No, I don't recognize him right off.  Going to my play area.  Thanks, Lorne."  He hung up.  He also turned up the radio to cover up the groaning in the backseat.  "Agents were tougher in my uncle's and my time in the service.  Really we were."

***

Paula accepted the package the courier handed her, signing the slip.  The courier accepted the tip and left.  She opened the envelope and stared.  She knew that paperwork.  This was... well, it may not be a great sign but it might be a really good one and just what Xander needed to finish settling him down.  "Huh," she said, calling Rick.  "Did Xander or Peter say anything to you about doing something official soon?"  She listened to his confused voice.

"No, I have the prenup I had someone draw up for him in my hand, signed."  She hung up on his spluttering, calling Peter's phone.  Xander might ignore her at the moment.  Peter always answered.  "Peter, are you all right with that agreement?  I can have a better one drawn up."  She listened.  Then she smiled.  "That's great news.  No, I won't tell any reporters.  Thank you and have a good day."  She hung up and filed that after making sure it was notarized.  It was.  She decided to get up and make a photocopy to send to their lawyer, just in case something was needed.

Yes, very interesting indeed.

***

Rick hung up and looked at his phone then at the three detectives he worked with.  "Xander sent Paula the prenup she had drawn up for him," he said quietly.

Beckett's pen paused mid-stroke and she looked at him.  "What?"

"Apparently Peter's not as nervous about his former job now."  He smiled.

"Huh."  She smiled back.  "Those two are one strong couple.  I wonder if he was telling anyone."

"Probably not at the moment.  They're probably planning it.  I don't take Peter as the sort to run to Vegas."

"It's legal in this state," Esposito noted.  "Just barely."

"Waiting period," Ryan reminded him.  "Forty-eight hour."

"That got shot down," Beckett said.  "If you're using the Justice of the Peace you can get your license and then marry that same day."  They stared at each other.  Rick was texting someone.  "Alexis or your mother?"

"Xander wondering if we should have a good group dinner soon."  He got back a 'we're not announcing it and not even Olivia knows'.  He laughed.  "They haven't told anyone.  Xander said not even Olivia knows."

"She's seriously going to want to shop for that," Ryan said with a grin.  Esposito chuckled but nodded.  "Also, I have heard that Tara's seeing a fertility specialist."  He smiled at them.  "So we'll have someone else for Xander to fuss over soon."

"Aww," Rick said with a grin.  "She's been trying to decide for over a year now.  It's good that she's finally decided to have one."  He put his phone away before he was tempted to tell anyone the big news.  His phone rang a bit later.  He read.  Then he grinned.  "Xander's message of 'damn it, need three witnesses' is cute."

"You would," Beckett agreed.  Rick looked at her.  She shrugged.  "Sure.  Guys?"

"Court," they said in unison, then sighed.

"I can go," Rick decided.  "Kate?"  She nodded and they left together.  They met up with John Winchester, who was looking confused.  "You didn't know why?" Rick teased.

"No."

Beckett got them to the right office and they found Xander pacing.  Peter was calm.  Rick got Xander calmed down and she sat next to Peter.  "You good?"

"I am actually fine," he admitted.  "Is cute watching Xander fuss though."  She snickered.  "He is worried Olivia will pout at us."

"Probably but you can always do a reaffirming ceremony later on," she reminded him.  "Which would let her be pretty."

"She would adore that plus the cake."  He nodded at John.

Who turned to look at Xander.  "You're doing it this way?" he demanded.

Xander stared at him.  "Yeah, that way people don't hound Peter, like his former bosses and the press."

"Oh, I didn't think about that."  Xander patted him on the arm and went back to pacing.  "Sit, kid.  It's normal to be nervous."

"Something's going to happen.  It always does at any major Scoobie event."

"Will not," Peter noted.  "I am here and they are all scared of me."  Xander grinned at him.  "Only bad thing will be Tara and Olivia pouting at us."

"They can pick up a cake for a family dinner tomorrow," Xander said.  He looked at Rick and Kate, who nodded they'd be there.  Then at John, who patted him on the back.  Peter texted Tara to pick up a cake from a certain place the next day for a group dinner.  Then he put up his phone because it was time.  He grinned at his bouncy young thing.  "You do not want to be prince, correct?"

Xander snorted.  "I'm many things but not a prince, Peter.  Nor do I need the poofy dress."

Peter grinned.  "Would look silly on you."

"I don't have the chest for it.  I need more definition to have man boobs."

"Quite true."  The assistant to the Justice of the Peace was giggling.  They were led in.  He handed over the forms.  The Justice looked them over and nodded, then at the witnesses.  He had them sign it and did the short ceremony.  It was official and the couple kissed.  Then they fled before someone told a reporter.

Kate and Rick smiled at their backs, with John behind them.  "It was sweet," she decided.

"Very sweet," Rick agreed, looking at her.

"You could go back in there," John suggested as he walked around them.  They both scowled at him.  He smirked.  "Even Olivia wants to see you two together, guys."  He walked off, going to where he parked his truck.

"She has great taste in what's beautiful and deadly when necessary," Rick admitted, smiling at his wanted one.  She swatted him before walking off.  He followed.

***

Tara walked up to Kate the next day and hugged her.  "Congratulations," she said with a happy smile.

"Happy you!" Olivia agreed, hugging her too.  She ran over to hug Rick.  "Happy you and good boy!"

He smiled at her.  "Thank you.  What did I earn that for?"

"For getting married," Tara said.

"Um, no, we were witnesses," Kate said.  Tara showed her the paper.  "Huh.  Castle."

"Wasn't my doing," he said.

Tara looked at them.  "Then... Xander!" she complained.  Olivia stared at her.  "Your Uncle Xander got married," she told her.

Olivia gaped in awe.  She liked to watch wedding shows to see all the pretty dresses.  "We have dress," she said.

"In a year or so when they do it somewhere other than an office," Rick said.  He called Paula.  "Why didn't you call me?"  She hung up on him.  He looked up the number for the NY Times and called them.  He read off the name of the reporter, getting her desk phone.  "This is Rick Castle.  Detective Beckett and I did not get married yesterday.  We were there as witnesses to someone else's wedding.  Please do retract it, yes."  He hung up and sighed.  "Olivia, when they decide to do it like on the tv, I'll let Mother and Alexis take you and your aunt shopping."  Olivia cheered and bounced around.

Tara smiled.  "We might have to start writing books ourselves to be able to afford that trip."  Rick grinned at her.  "Is that why I need to pick up the gooey chocolate cake?"  Rick nodded with a grin.  "Okay.  I'll get a really big one for the extended group."  She took Olivia off, letting her babble about dresses.  Olivia loved pretty dresses.

"They're going to retract it?" Beckett asked.

"Yes.  She said she would after making sure we weren't in the files."  Beckett nodded and sat down.  Rick tapped out a message to his mother, who said it was a shame he hadn't taken the hint.  "Mother," he complained quietly.

Beckett looked then wrote her back before handing the phone back.  She got back to work.

Rick smiled at the sent message.  He put his phone up and got into what he needed to do as well.

***

The bartender at Lorne's bar accepted the small package from the delivery truck, smiling at the driver.  "Thanks."

"Not a problem."  He left, going back on his route.

He looked at the tag.  It was to him instead of to the boss.  He shifted it some.  It wasn't heavy but it wasn't moving.  He carefully checked and opened it, smiling at the cake in there.  "Huh."  He took the card off the inside top of the box.  //You were the one that introduced me to this insanity I can call my own.//  "Awww."  He sniffed the cake to make sure it wasn't poisoned then put it into the fridge.  He'd eat it for dinner later.  Max London, the boss's partner, strolled in looking upset.  "Problems?"

"Not really.  Just been a very long night."  She sat down.  "Did he ever make it back?"

"It's not like he sleeps here, Max."

"I guess that's a good point.  Is there anything we should hear going on?"

"I think there's some news the boss might like to hear but I have no idea."  She nodded and wandered off texting him.  "Must've been a very bad case."  Lorne walked in the back door so he handed over the note.  "Max was here and she looked like she was too tired to care if she was mugged."

"She probably is.  We had a good, long run after someone last night."  He read the note and blinked.  "Huh."  He looked at his bartender, who showed him the cake.  "Interesting."  He took it to sniff.  "Not poisoned."  He handed it back and called New York, getting a suspiciously American sounding grunt when whoever picked up the phone.  "Xander, is there something you and Peter would like to tell us?" he asked.  He winced at the gunshot.  "Okay," he said.  "Peter?  Cake?" he asked when he picked up the phone.  "Yeah, that saved you having to help Olivia shop for sure.  No, just making sure you didn't poison him.  Need help?  Underdog....  I don't need to know.   Have a good honeymoon, Peter."  He hung up.  His bartender was snickering.  "Xander shot whoever answered the phone."  He walked off smiling but shaking his head.

"That was so cute of him."  He settled in to nibble through a piece of his cake.  It was excellent cake.  Peter had good taste in sweet things.  And sweet boyfriends.

***

Xander looked at the officer he opened the door for.  "I have no idea why someone broke into my house to answer my phone.  Thankfully my aim was off and I only got him in the knee."  They groaned and went up there.  Peter was making breakfast.  Xander took a kiss.

"Hey, where's mine," the idiot on the floor complained.  Xander glared at him.  "But..."  Peter said something in Russian, making the guy start to wail and rant.  "You bastard!  I'll get you for that!  He should've been mine!"

"I *so* would've killed your ass," Xander said dryly.  "Then taken all your stuff for a shopping trip with Olivia."

"Ow.  That would hurt my wallet," he complained.  "She's turning into Buffy."

"We're working on it," Xander said.  "Guys, can I clean up his mess soon?"

"Sure, Harris.  Why is he ranting?"

Xander smirked.  "Because I found someone better than all the ones on the drool patrol."

"Aww," they said.  They got the guy cuffed and down to the car so they could take him to the ER.

Xander got the stuff to clean up the guy's blood then they had breakfast and some smutty couch sex.  Sometimes it was nice not having the baby around.

***

Beckett walked into a holy mess the next morning.  Her first case of the week had gotten her up at six am for a multiple body call.  She stared around the room.  She knew a lot of them.  She had arrested the greater majority of the room at one time or another.  She stared.  Most of them had guns in their hands.  Everyone in the room had been shot.  "Any survivors?" she asked first responder.

"Barely and almost, Detective.  He said they'd never be complete without him and clearly they weren't worthy.  He died on the way to the hospital."  He handed over the statement his partner had taken in the ambulance.

She read it and handed it to Esposito, who was next in.  He nodded once and sighed.  "This is a charming wedding present for those two."

"It is," she said.  "But rather disgusting."  He nodded.  Castle and Ryan showed up together.  Esposito handed over the report.

"Should we tell them?" Rick asked.  "That way nothing ambushes them?"

Beckett shook her head.  "Tomorrow.  When we know what happened."  Lanie, their ME, walked in and paused.  She got handed the note.  She huffed.  Beckett smiled at her.  "At least it might be an easy case."

"Maybe.  I'll still get bothered by people who want to look at their brains."  She walked over.  "Let's start with the ones on the outer edges."

"Start with the table," Rick said.  "Two are still holding guns that can fall."  She nodded because she didn't want to accidentally get shot too and got her people to do that, letting the detectives make the guns safe so they could be bagged up.

Beckett saw the notes on the table.  There was a stack of them and a few individual ones in front of bodies.  "We have.... paperwork.  That was so sweet of them."

Rick looked then shook his head.  "Xander's going to throw a fit like Olivia does when she can't read or shop."  Ryan snorted, shaking his head.

"I think they did too," Esposito said, pointing at a fist-sized hole in a wall and a few kick marks.

"It's sad when arms dealers throw Olivia fits," Beckett decided.  "Criminals used to be much tougher."  The others gave her odd looks.  "Can you imagines someone in Capone's organization doing this?  Or even the mob families of the seventies?"

"Nope," Esposito admitted.  "Though maybe their files will lead us back to other scum that needs to be put away."

"I'm betting we'll be seeing Agent Philips within an hour," Rick shot back.

"Sucker bet," Beckett taunted.  They carefully bagged all the notes.  She glanced through them.  Yup, Xander and Peter would throw fits.

***

Mickey walked off the elevator that afternoon, staring at his uncle, who was casually writing something on his laptop while Xander napped.  "You couldn't *tell* me?" he demanded.  "I had to hear from your other nephew, who's still a priest by the way?"

"Was spontaneous and I blame Cash," Peter said, not looking up but he was smiling.  "He was the one that told me I was in love."

Mickey moaned.  "Mom's going to throw a fit."

"Your mother will survive, the same as your brother will."  He looked up.  "Did you really mind?"

"No," he snorted, staring at his uncle.  "I like Xander.  He's a nice guy.  He's like a nicer version of you at times.  He's very protective, very good with his niece, and I'd hate to tangle with the boy.  By the way, you might want to ask Beckett or someone for a head's up," he said more quietly.  "Today.  Before the bad shock hits."  He got up and walked off.  "Don't let them decide it was me.  I'm actually dating someone decent enough and she'd get upset."  He left, going to talk to Robert.  He was a bit confused, but then again he never thought his uncle would settle down. Robert let him into his apartment and went back to his reading the paper.  "You might want to put it and the tea down."

Robert did that, staring at him.  "Is the world ending?"

"Possibly.  That story in the Times?  It wasn't Beckett and Castle.  They were witnesses at Xander and Uncle Peter's quickie wedding."

Robert looked at his tea then at his helper.  "Did you manage to drug me?"

"I thought I might've drugged myself at first.  He said Lorne Cash was responsible, that he had pointed out he was in love."

"Interesting."  He sipped his tea.  "I wish them every happiness."

"I'm sure they will be since some of the pouty things who thought Xander was perfect for them shot each other last night."

Robert put down his tea again before he choked or spilled it.  "How many?"

"Many.  I heard rumors of up to ten.  And for some reason a cackling Homeland agent."

"Interesting.  Can you get me names?  That way I can pass that along to others?"

"Sure."  He went to bug Beckett while Robert doctored some tea with rum.  He wanted a drink too but he was too bouncy and didn't want to impose on anyone.  Beckett saw him get off the elevator and stared.  "My boss wanted to know if he could pass on a list of names."

"Philips has it."

"He'd never share with the smaller covert agencies."

"Cash has it."

"I can get it from him."  He grinned.  "I heard rumors of up to ten?"

"Twenty-six.  There were two of them.  Brooklyn called when theirs had a note saying all the wills and letters had to come to me to deliver."

He winced.  "Damn.  No wonder I heard Philips was cackling."

"I wondered when they all turned so soft and cuddly," she admitted.  "The older Families wouldn't have let that happen."

"The Russian mob either," he agreed with a grin.  "Does Olivia know?"

"We told her and Tara this morning.  She's already planning to find a pretty dress."

"Figures."  He sighed.  "Twenty-six?"

"So far.  The list was about thirty long before."

He shook his head quickly.  "Thanks."  He left, calling Robert on the way to the bar.  "Twenty-six. There was another instance in Brooklyn.  Cash has it."  He hung up.  When he got to the former agents bar, he got a bottle and went to get drunk in a back corner.  If he had been just a bit more tough, he might've tried for Xander too and probably gotten mushy and soft like the others had.  After his third drink he saw all the curious looks from the other former agents.  "Someone call Cash and get the list of those who died last night."

Someone called his bar, which got the note passed on.  What they got back earned a bar-wide toast.

Mickey had another drink too.  Because that was insane.

***

Beckett showed up early for the group dinner.  "Xander, Peter, can we talk?" she asked.  She had a folder in her hand and a sealed bag as well.  Xander nodded, taking her and Peter into the office.  The Winchesters, Olivia, and Tara were in the living room listening to Olivia talk about pretty dresses.  She looked at them.  "First, what rumors have you heard?"

"Not many," Peter admitted.  "Neither of us have checked email today."  He sat down because this looked like a serious discussion.  "Is there problem?"

Xander stared at her.  He recognized that look from before.  "Which one was it?"

"Many of them."  She opened the folder and handed it over.  Peter shifted so he could see it.  "As it turned out three scenes.  One from the second survived and went to hunt down a few others so they couldn't cause you problems."

Xander sighed, sounding unhappy.  "Damn it."

Peter looked.  "Usually he is faster," he said with a point.

"He had a broken hand.  He fired left-handed.  Which is why that guy survived long enough for most of the trip to the ER."

Peter nodded.  "I have no idea why this happened."

"Me either," Xander admitted.  He barely saw John flinch and reach for a gun from his peripheral vision so he walked out there.  "Hey," he said.  "What's up?  John, relax.  This is the vengeance demon over scorned boyfriends."

"At least I'll never need to come about you," he said, looking Peter up and down.  He smiled at Xander.  "It was a wedding present, delayed wish sort of thing."  Beckett came out to stare at him.  "Willow, again.  While pregnant like last time.  She said she wished Xander would get with someone fertile who could make sure that there were many little Xander's in the future.  D'Hoffryn himself granted it and delayed it."  Peter gave him an odd look.  "You're technically fertile, you'd never do more than talk to Xander about adopting later children.  Or Tara's if something happened to her."  Peter nodded slowly.

He grinned.  "Therefore you fit.  The demon that prompted Willow to make that wish didn't have that in mind and had prompted some of the drool patrol.  Not all of them but a few of them.  Which is how he talked them into that easing of later burdens."  He grinned at Beckett.  "That was his 'you're worthless for what I need in minions' fit.  So D'Hoffryn used the wish to stop that one's power grabbing attempt and killed that demon for being an asshole."

"Language," Olivia ordered with a scowl.

"Sorry, sweetie."  He smiled at her.  "You look very pretty today."

"Of course I am."  She stared at him.  "You're a demon, I know you are."  He nodded, going to his demon face.  She stared at him.  "Why?"

"I'm a vengeance demon.  I come when people wish."  Olivia's eyes went wide and she looked at Sam, who had said that word recently during a story.  "No, not his.  Someone else who wished your Uncle could find someone great to marry."  He smirked at the kid.  "Anya's *so* cackling.  She has to do penance and all that she was cackling so hard."  He grinned at Peter.  "You'd better never make him call me about you.  I won't be as nice as I was when he cursed Anya."  He disappeared.

Xander looked at Beckett.  "That explains why they seemed so soft to me," she decided.

"How many?" Dean asked with a wince.

"Thirty-four total."  Even Tara winced at that.  "So...."

"I have no idea," Xander admitted.  "Or how you'd prove it."

"No, they killed each other.  None was a suicide."  Xander sighed, sitting down.  "But they all left you letters and things."

"I don't want their crap.  It'd mean more problems from the people in the Treasury."

"They still haven't unlocked things," Tara admitted.

"I told them it was unlocked or I wasn't going to drop the suit."

"Well, now we have things they have not touched," Peter said dryly.  Olivia hugged him.  He smiled at her.  "You are very pretty today."

"When I get to be pretty in 'spensive dress?"

"Next year sometime perhaps."

She nodded, twirling around and dancing over to Sam, who she hugged.  "When I get baby sister?"

"Sometime soon."

"Oh."  She pouted at Kate.  "I should have baby sister sooner."

"It takes nearly a year for a baby to be born once it's made," Kate told her.  "Maybe next year for preschool."

"Dirt."  She pouted at Tara, who hugged her.

"We're having a family dinner in a few minutes," Xander told her.  "Have Tara make you pretty for that."  Olivia squealed all the way to her closet.  Tara gave her a minute then followed.  By then Olivia would've decided what to wear.

"I'll make that note into the file," Beckett said, handing Xander the sealed bag.  "Some are letters."

They sat together to read them over.  "Is good they are already dead or else I would have to be possessive," Peter said after the first few.

Xander kissed him on the cheek.  "There's probably some left you can be possessive on."  He grinned.  Peter smirked back.

"Eww," Dean complained.  "Mush."

"Oatmeal good for you," Olivia called from upstairs.  John cracked up, followed by Beckett.  She came downstairs in an outfit she adored.  "Tv says is good for heart and things."  She kissed Dean on the chin and grinned at him.  "Big hearts mean good girls like you."  She bounced off to pet Tara's puppy.

"Olivia, that doesn't match," Xander said.

She looked at herself then at him.  "Does.  Is a dress."

He shook his head.  "It looks like one of the shirts that Paula used to make me change out of."

"She does look like one of your old shirts," Tara agreed as she came down.

Olivia beamed at that compliment.  "See, matches," she told her silly uncle.  "Do," she made kissy noises.  "More mush is good for Dean so he gets good girls who like his strong heart."  She went back to playing.

John had taken film of that.  He sent it to Bobby with the explanation of this is why Olivia was like his granddaughter.  "You could use some more stamina, son," John quipped with an evil grin.  "Maybe some gym time too.  Women like fit boys."

"I'm not a boy anymore," Dean shot back.  "I'm nearly thirty, Dad."

"Women still like guys who are in shape," Beckett teased with a smirk.  "You haven't been hunting as much recently."

He rolled his eyes.  "No, I've gotten plenty of working out done.  Thanks though.  Know any easy, hot chicks?"

"Many," she said.  "They'd all want to keep you though."

"Pity."  Detectives Esposito and Ryan came off the elevator.  Then Paula came up in the next elevator with Mickey.

"Everyone, is my nephew Mickey," Peter announced with a point.  "I have another one who is priest."

"Really?" Xander asked, looking at him.  Peter smiled and nodded.  "Cool.  Once I meet him I can start going to him for holy water."  Peter grinned at that.

"Let me tell him first," Mickey said.  "He's a bit...straight."

"A lot of priests are," Xander agreed.  "That's why so many send me death threats."

"He's an Orthodox priest."

"I've only gotten a death threat from one of them," he admitted, considering it.

Peter gave him a squeeze.  "They will not come near you."  He went back to reading.  "Looks like next apocalypse battle will have many weapons."

"I still have oversight," Beckett assured him.  Rick, his mother, and daughter showed up next.  "We found out why."

Olivia walked over and leaned in close to her aunt.  "Mommy is a stupid head," she hissed.  Then she ran off to pounce her uncles.

Beckett smiled, looking at Tara, who was close enough to hear.  "I've never said that."

"What?" Xander asked.

"She said sometimes her mommy was a stupid head."

"Sometimes everyone has days like that," Xander agreed, looking at Olivia.  "Every human does.  Yours gets you grounded."

"Is Mommy grounded?"

"No, not exactly.  She just can't get home.  She's more lost.  Like a lost doggy but there's no pound for lost witches."

"Oh."  She nodded and shrugged.  "It'll be okay.  Daddy will rescue her like on the doggy movie."  She smiled at Peter.  "Daddy will think you're cute too."  She ran over to pounce her detective uncles and Rick, giving them all hugs.  "I get to wear pretty dress."

"Yes you sure will," Detective Ryan agreed with a smile.  "Xander, is this a date-free event?"

"Call your woman.  As long as she doesn't throw a fit because I'm so adorable," Xander said with a grin.

"She's one of those who was praying you'd finally find someone sane," he shot back.  He pulled out his phone but Olivia took it and let him dial then she walked off babbling with that auntie about pretty dresses and cake, because there had to be cake when you dressed up so pretty.  Detective Ryan followed her trying to get his phone back.

"You're not a teenager, get off the phone," Xander called after a minute.  Peter was snickering.  So was John.  "That's what she did from my room each time she called you, yes," Xander told John.  "Then Dean would call me."

Olivia blew a kiss and handed the phone back with a grin.  "She coming.  She get pretty for you too.  She said she'd talk about the baby sister thing I wanted from everyone."  She bounded off again.  Alexis caught her and sat her down to read to her.

Detective Ryan listened to his girlfriend.  "Xander said it was fine.  I have no clue where she got that idea."

"She decided if Tara has one it'll be a sibling too," Dean called.

"Yeah, that could be," he decided.  He said something mushy and hung up.  Olivia looked over at him.  "Let Alexis read to you.  She has to get in practice for her boyfriend.  Since it helped Xander calm down he might need it some day."

Alexis giggled.  "I doubt that but if he turns as tough as Xander we'll go to the gym together."

"At least you didn't say she'd be reading to my grandchildren," Rick complained.

"Some year far in the future," Alexis quipped.

"Then maybe yours can be a boy and date 'Liv," Tara joked with a grin for her buddy.

"No," Rick said, shaking his head.  "There'll be a huge age gap between them."  Tara giggled, leaning on Martha's arm.

"If we time it right we can have four generations in the same house.  If Grandmother lives long enough we might even have five," Alexis teased.

Rick looked at her then at his mother.  "What did you feed her for lunch?  Was it drugged?"

"I didn't think so but you never know.  I'm sure it will be at least a decade, dear."

"It had better be," Rick agreed.

"Then you could take one of those 'three generations of family women' pictures," Esposito teased with a grin.

"Only if you get me in drag," Rick shot back.  "Though I do look very nice it's not something I want immortalized in pictures."

"I'm very glad I didn't have to have this talk," Beckett complained.

Xander shrugged. "Me either."

Peter poked him.  "Your parents would have complained."

"My parents wouldn't have noticed it if *I* came home pregnant, Peter.  Much less if I had one with someone else."

"I wonder what Willow would've done if you had," Tara said, looking up.

"Depends.  Early on, she would've complained and 'poor baby'd me to death.  Promising to fix it and all that.  Later on she would've said that was just my sort of luck.  Probably blamed me for screwing up someone's spell.  Once she started to get addicted, she might not have noticed until I was seriously showing."

Tara nodded.  "I can see that, yeah."  She sighed.  "She's going to squeal if I have one and she gets back before it's born.  I did over hers."

"I'm sure Buffy has over Willow's stomach a few times."  Tara nodded she probably had.  Faith and Kinella came off the elevator.  Xander looked at Peter, who smiled at him.  "Everyone."  They all stared at him.  "There's a reason for the family gathering."

Faith looked at him.  "You're clearly stating something," she said.  "He looks comfy, X."

"He is very comfy."  He grinned.  "So's the ring when and if we find one."

Faith blinked a few times.  "Excuse me?  Ring?"  Xander smirked and nodded.  "Huh."  She looked at Kinella, who looked fairly stunned.  "You don't have a problem, right?" she asked quietly.

"No.  I've never had a problem with gay people.  Especially after some of the ones Xander used to date."  She hugged him.  "Congratulations.  When's the wedding?"

"Yesterday."

Faith cackled.  "Dodged the shopping bullet again?" she taunted.  "No pretty dress shopping?"

"I wear pretty dress next year," Olivia assured her with a grin.  "It takes time to shop."

"It sure does," Alexis agreed.  "Congrats, guys.  I'm hoping that's why the paper said that Dad and Kate married."

"They and John were our witnesses."

Peter nodded.  "Was strange to see that.  I almost wondered if someone had done some hidden paperwork."

"Don't tempt them," Kate said.  "A few are pushing very hard."  She gave Xander a pointed look, getting a grin back.  It had taken her all day to realize why Castle had gotten a green rose.  She had lost money to her minions that Xander did actually know what subtle action was.  Hell, Esposito had to give her a clue.

Xander grinned at her.  "Olivia thought you'd like the sunrise rose."

"I did.  It's very pretty."  She smiled at the baby, who grinned at her.  "You're usually a very good girl."

"You should," she said, making another kissy noise.  "Him."  She pointed at Rick.  "That way I could have another baby sister."

"You know, Tara could have a boy," Sam teased.  "Then it'd be a brother."

She gave him a strange look.  "What's a brother?"

"A boy that's younger than you that's related to you," John said.   "Like Sammy is Dean's little brother."

"Oh."  She nodded, looking at Sam.

"You'll make a fantastic big sister," Sam assured her with a smile.  She grinned back and got another book for Alexis to read, which made Peter blush for some reason.

She grinned at him.  "The not-you book."  He nodded it was.

"I wondered why he was writing kids books," Esposito said with a grin.

"There was nothing to let her understand about disguises.  Each time Peter came in looking different she ran to call John from my bedroom."  Xander looked at Peter.  "Are you going to keep doing that?"

"Am not sure."

"Do more," Olivia made a kissing noise.  "So Dean have more mush and get better girls."

Peter kissed Xander.  "There, that should be enough."

"I'm not ready for more than a kitty wife," Dean joked.  "She's much less demanding than a girlfriend."

"She can't cuddle like a girlfriend," Tara teased.

"Anytime I need pity cuddles, I have Olivia," Dean joked back with a grin.

"Some day she'll have a boyfriend too," Alexis teased with a mean smirk.  "Then what'll you do?"

"Hopefully by then he'll have someone," John said.  "Maybe even with grandchildren."

"She's going to wait until she's thirty to date?  I'm sure no one would really mind," Dean said.

"I meant grandchildren for me, Dean, not for you.  Though.... depending on how bad the kids are....."

"Hell no!  There's no teenage spawning in this family.  You didn't let me or Sammy, I'd never let mine or Sammy's."  Sam cracked up.  Olivia looked so confused so Dean grinned at her.  "We're talking about when you become a mommy, 'Liv."

Olivia shook her head quickly.  "No, then I'd have to get lost or be grounded."  She went back to helping Alexis read.

"Not all mommies do," Tara assured her.  "I won't be."

"You not do it for long but if you don't then Uncle Xander will have to go 'nap six or nine so I can decide which one I like best.  You'd only be lost for a weekend though because you're smart."

"I just had a mental thought of me answering the phone as 'Xander's home for orphaned witches'," Xander quipped.

"That's not quite how you get cousins," Rick said.

Olivia looked confused.  "What's a cousin?"

Xander picked up a crayon and some paper, drawing quickly.  "When a daddy or mommy have brothers and sisters, then they have babies, those are cousins."  He used the crayon to point.  "See, daddy's brother or sister, or mommy's brother or sister, has babies and that makes them your cousins."

"Do I have cousins?" she asked.

"You have a ton of them but they're all in Ireland with your daddy's mommy."

"We should go see if they're pretty like I am since Uncle said that I'm pretty like daddy."

Xander grinned.  "We're visiting next year when I have to sign books over there."  She beamed and got back to reading with Alexis.

"How long has she been speaking in mostly complete sentences?" Rick asked.

"Since she was two," Xander said, giving him a look.  "It was like her thing with crawling.  Her mother would want her to be little for longer."

"Missy say playing dumb is making me less smart and smart is pretty."

"It's a very good point that smart women get the better men," Rick's mother, Martha, said with a smile for the baby.  "Some day you'll find a very nice young man to date."

"Then you can do mushy things," Esposito said with a grin for her.

"That's too long," she said, shaking her head.  "Dean's heart will be too weak to have girl beyond kitty wife.  Then grandpa no have grandkids.  We need more mush now to save him.  You two can do mushy things."

Detective Ryan giggled.  "No, I have a girlfriend.  I'll do mushy stuff with her when she gets here."

Olivia smiled at him.  "Good you."  She looked at Kate.

"No, I don't have anyone to be mushy with," she said.  "It takes a lot of work to find the right one to be mushy with."

"You need help with your cabinet or warehouse to keep scary ones away?" Olivia asked her with a grin.  "I help."

"You're very helpful but I don't need a research cabinet or a warehouse to scare them away."  She grinned at her.  "If I need to scare one away, I can do it myself."

"And if she can't, I can," Detective Ryan said, going to answer the beep of the panel so his girlfriend could join them.

Olivia ran over to hug her.  "When do you get to wear the pretty dress?"

"I get to wear mine next month."

Olivia stared at Xander.  "I need one by then."

"We're only going as friends; you can wear a normal dress because we're only watching," Xander told her.  Olivia pouted.  "That's her wedding and she put her family into it.  We're friends, not family, so we can only watch."

"Oh.  Okay.  So I get something pretty but not 'spensive?"

"You already have one," Tara assured her.  "It's in my closet."  Olivia beamed at her and walked her 'auntie' over to sit next to Tara so they could talk about the pretty dresses.

Xander looked at Peter.  "It's nice they donated to her closet fund."

Peter poked him but he was snickering.  "Is, yes.  And apocalypse closet."

"I still have oversight," Beckett said smugly.

"But we get to pet the weapons first, right?" Olivia chirped then spun around a few times.  "Weapons are *pretty* and shiny like jewelry."

"Oh, no.  You're too young for real jewelry," Xander said.  Olivia pouted at him.  "You and Auntie Tara can talk about earrings but you get fake jewelry until you're at least twelve."

"Of course.  No one would give a girl that young diamonds," Martha, Rick's mother, joked.

Rick nodded.  "We sent them back.  They sent them to Beckett as a peace offering."

"I heard," Xander complained.  "I nearly had a fit."  Martha's mouth flopped open.  "Sapphires."  He grinned.

"Oh, dear."

"Fortunately," Peter said, waving the packet of letters and wills.  "They will not do so again."

Dean shook his head quickly.  "That's insane, guys."

"Dude, the higher ups on the local demon council sent her a tiara for her birthday," Xander told him.

"Real?" Sam asked with a wince.

"They said they confiscated it and it'd look better on Olivia than it would on someone's wife," Tara said with a grin.  "It's in a special box so she can look but not touch it."

Daniel's cousin George came off the elevator.  "Sorry I'm late."  Olivia squealed as she ran over to hug him.  "Hi, Olivia."  He picked her up to cuddle.  "So why the family dinner?"  He spotted someone he didn't know.  "George, Daniel's cousin," he said, holding out a hand.

"Mickey, Peter's nephew."  He grinned.  "It's big news."  He nodded at the couple.  "That wasn't Beckett and Castle getting married as reported in the paper."

He gaped, staring at them.  "You two ran off and got hitched?"

"City Hall isn't exactly running off," Xander said with a grin.  "But otherwise, yeah."  He beamed.  "We're apparently planning on renewing it sometime in the next few years so Olivia can do the expensive shopping she wants to do."

George shook his head with a moan.  "Olivia, you have plenty of things to be pretty in."

She stared at him like was crazy.  "Special times call for special prettiness.  Like parties."  She got down and went to look at her Uncle Kevin's girlfriend's ring again.  "Very shiny," she said with a grin.  "Fits well."

"Thanks, kiddo.  It's good to know I did good," Kevin joked.

Olivia looked at her uncle.  "Yours?"

"We haven't decided yet," Xander said dryly.

"I help?"

"No.  That's something only we can decide together, dear."

"Oh.  Okay."  She huffed but she had to accept it.  "Married people things," she told that 'auntie' and her Aunt Tara.

Tara smiled and nodded.  "Definitely married people things.  Is she coming home with me tonight?"  Xander leered at Peter, who smirked back.   "I'll take that as a yes."  She hugged Olivia.  "Let's get food ready."  She nodded and they grabbed everything from the fridge.  Xander had ordered earlier and it only needed to be heated up.  All the cats but Dean's were put up upstairs.  She'd pee on something if they cooped her up anywhere.  She was presently on her human's shoulder purring at him.  The puppy was nicely napping in the sauna, where he had decided was his spot.  Xander had even put a puppy bed in there for him.  Tara glared when the cat sniffed at the food.  "Don't even think about it or I'm spanking your human."

Dean moved away from the food areas.  "That might hurt," he teased her with a grin.

"Your kitty wife is very possessive," Sam agreed.

John shook his head.  "No cats in the Impala."

"She helped me change the oil the other day," Dean said.  "She got a box in the backseat and she liked it a lot."

"Hell.  No."

Xander was snickering.  "John, at least his wife doesn't throw things all over the car."

"Still no.  No cats, supernatural or otherwise, in the Impala unless you're taking them to be uncursed."

"How they get to vet vet's then?" Olivia asked him.  "Kitty wife needs shots like I do."

John smiled.  "They can take a cab."

She waved a hand.  "'Spensive and not pretty.  No need when have car or your truck."  She bounced back to help with the food, sneaking a bite of green pepper from the veggie tray.  "We plant these?"

"We can, yes."  Tara smiled down at her.  "We have a whole lot of veggies we can plant.  We'll try all new ones so we can find things we both like."  Olivia beamed and nodded, snatching a carrot to walk off nibbling.  She climbed up her uncle/cousin and hugged him.

He smiled.  "Am I a tree now?"

She nodded.  "But not a sad tree.  You get hugs for being a good boy."

"Thanks, Olivia."  He cuddled her.  "Xander, I won't tell my aunt about this," he said quietly.  Xander nodded he understood why.  "Thanks."  He grinned.  "It's good that this one's not insane like the others."

"Yes it is," Beckett said with a smile for him.  "Peter's a lot nicer than anyone I expected him to settle down with."  George smiled and got Olivia another piece of vegetable for her nibbling pleasure.  The others got their own dinners and sat down to talk to Peter, threaten him subtly if he hurt Xander, and in Faith's case prove she was tougher by arm wrestling him - which nearly broke his arm.  She smirked at him and he nodded slightly back.  Beckett looked over.  "You two need to find an indoor golf center for the winter months."

"Mickey found one," Xander said with a grin.  "A driving range and an indoor seven-hole course."  Peter grinned at his nephew.

"Golf's weird but if you like it so much it must be a good date," Mickey quipped.  They all laughed but Olivia got her golf set out so she could show them how nice it was.  Even in a dress.  Though she'd never expect her uncles to golf in a dress.  They wouldn't look half as pretty as she did in one.  She'd have to keep that in mind when they were shopping for the pretty, expensive dress for the wedding.  Her uncle had to have a pretty, sparklie one that made him look pretty for her Uncle Peter.  His could be found by the others he knew.  She'd help of course.  She had to make sure his friends wouldn't make them any less pretty than they usually were.

You never knew when someone would make you unpretty on purpose because they were mean.

The End.

Chapter 33: Olivia Plans

Her plans.... not always what you'd expect.  Though sometimes they're funny.

Olivia was in the library with Tara for a short time.  Daycare had been cut short by an inspection.  The inspectors hadn't wanted to cut it short but they found a problem with the water lines that the city had supposedly fixed.  Namely that they had switched the water and sewer lines.  So they were fixing it that day - the inspector had called his contacts and the press to let them know so they were working overtime without much complaint.  Olivia was in the magazines, looking for the pretty dress ones.  She found one with the pretty white dresses and carried it back to the desk to sit in her corner and look at pictures.  She found one she thought would look nice on her uncle and held it up.  "This one?" she asked.

Tara looked down at her.  "What?" she asked, smiling at her niece.

"This one for Uncle Xander."

Tara looked.  "No, he doesn't need a dress, dear.  I promise he doesn't."  Her coworker was giving them a funny look.  Tara smiled back.  "She wants him to be pretty for when he and Peter do something official."

"Oh," her fellow librarian said with a nod and a smile.  "Dear, boys don't wear dresses.  Even your uncle.  He'd need a nice suit or a tuxedo.  That's what boys wear instead of pretty dresses."

"Oh."  She blinked a few times, looking at the picture.  "He'd look better in this one."  She let her see it.  "It's sparkly, it's not going to make him need bigger boobies, and it'd make his butt look nice like they say on tv."

Tara kept herself from giggling.  "We'll talk to Xander about that but I'm pretty sure he'd like to have a suit that would make Peter drool."

"Drool, yuck," Olivia complained.  "Too many drool but are bad guys.  Uncle Peter has to not drool so he's not bad.  Like Missy says, the only good droolers are baby droolers."  She sat back down to look through the magazine.  "Do I get dress like this one?" she asked, frowning at it.  "It's not pretty."

"No.  We'll get you something that'll make you look very pretty and sweet."  Olivia beamed and went back to her window shopping.

Tara and her coworker shared a look.  Tara smiled.  Her coworker went to dust the shelves and laugh herself silly.  Olivia held up a picture and she looked.  "That would look good on Alexis, not on you or me."

"Shoot.  When does she need a pretty dress?"

"Not for years yet.  Her dad's working on her scary research cabinet."  Olivia beamed and ran off to get one of the gun magazines, bringing it back to pick out stuff for her favorite sitter's scary cabinet.  They had a lot of great ideas and a few were even decorated so they weren't so bland.

Tara picked up the first magazine but Olivia snatched it to flip through with the other one.  She kept comparing guns to the dresses so apparently she was picking out an arsenal for Xander to wear on his special day too.  She loved Olivia, no matter how strange she was.

***

Olivia crawled up into John's lap that night with the magazines.  She had taken some of the free bookmarks to mark the ones she liked best.  She opened to that one and the guns she liked with it.  "These go together for the wedding," she told him, looking up at him with a grin.

He stared at them then at her.  "I don't think you need a wedding dress yet, Olivia."

"For Uncle Xander," she sighed, giving him a dirty look.  "See, guns go nicely with dress.  Could be hidden since have pockets to reach in through.  Crown thingy is sharp and pointy.  And this gun would make pretty decoration since it's so pretty."

John looked and nodded.  "That is a nicely decorated gun, yes."  Peter and Xander were staring at them from ends of the couch.  "Go show your uncles."

She took them over there carefully so she didn't lose her place, then climbed up between them to tell them her ideas.

"Lorne's partner could use that," Peter decided.  "Might look nice on her."  Olivia beamed.  "But Xander is not a girl so he can wear suit."  She changed pages and pointed at one.  "No, I do not need pretty dress either.  We can wear suits."  Olivia pouted.  "You can help us pick them out so we do not look bad against each other."

She beamed. "Of course I help, silly.  That way your friends not make you unpretty on purpose."  She patted him on the hand.  "Does she need dress?"

"I do not know.  I will ask."  She beamed and put back in the bookmarks, laying the magazines on the table so she could get something to nibble on.   "Dinner is in an hour."

"Hungry," she pouted.

"One piece of fruit or one veggie," Xander said.

"Thank you."  She found what she wanted after some digging and settled in on the porch.  She came back in to get the dress book, taking it out to Dean.  It had one that would look good on him or Uncle Sammy.  It even had green bits to match their eyes.  "Here, for when need more than kitty wife."

Dean looked at the pretty dress.  It had green leaves embroidered on it.  "It's very pretty for my future non-kitty wife."  She stared at him.  "Boys don't usually wear dresses, 'Liv.  Even the really pretty, expensive ones for special things."

"Poo. That's not letting them be pretty."  She sat on his lap to go over why the dress would look good on him.  Including that it would highlight what little boobies he had.  Sam heard and walked off to go down to the warehouse instead of commenting.  "I'll show him later."  She went back to it.  Dean looked very confused but that was okay.  Some day a good girl would make him pretty and less confused.  The kitty wife would learn to share him.

Inside John had to go to the bathroom to cackle.  She was such a smartass without meaning to be.  He loved Olivia.

***

Xander smiled at the reporter there to interview him for the newest book.  "Hi."

"Alexian," she said, shaking his hand with a smile.  "I see Olivia's been shopping?" she teased.

He looked at the dress magazines and sighed, shaking his head.  "She's decided I need to wear a pretty dress if I do something with my guy."  He grinned and found the one she had pointed out.  "She picked this one out for me and picked out some nice weapons to wear with it."

"Awww."  She looked at it then at him.  "That would actually flatter your figure."

He flipped.  "She decided Sam and Dean could share this one.  It'd go nicely with their shotguns."

She looked and smiled.  "They would.  She has nice taste."  She grinned at him.  "Does that mean that we'll hear announcements?  I know that there was a mistaken rumor that Rick Castle got married."

"No, he was a witness that day."  He grinned.  "Ask Peter when you interview him."  They set up and Olivia came out to help him fix his hair then went back to playing with the educational system they had gotten her.  "Daycare's water issue."

"I saw that story."  She settled in to go over things with him.  He was always so easy to interview, even if he did hint and tease a few times.  Then Olivia came out, she had even changed into something nice and brushed her hair, with the catalogs.  She interrupted to give her opinion on which dresses would look best and to get the reporter's opinion on it.  She smiled and helped her.  It was charming of the little girl.  Xander groaned a bit but he finally got her to put them up and come back so he could braid her hair since they were going to the park in a while.  She smiled at him.  "A wedding dress and weapons?"

"In case bad guys who drool too much show up," Olivia agreed, coming back with a hair thing and a comb.  She smiled.  "Everyone needs to have a good scary cabinet or warehouse of stuff to drive off the ones that drool.  Drooling is bad unless you're teething."

The reporter smiled and nodded.  "That's very true, Olivia.  Boys should not drool on pretty girls."  Olivia beamed at her.  Peter came down the stairs and took her to do her hair.  She looked at Xander.  "Is there news that she's hinting at?"

Xander grinned.  "Ask Peter."

"Peter?  Dear, is she hinting at something upcoming?"

Peter looked at her.  "Perhaps."

She pouted.  "It's no fair I don't get to hear."

"When we announce it, we'll go through you.  Pending someone leaking it," Xander promised.

She grinned.  "Thank you, Alexian.  Have a good day in the park with the baby."

"Her daddy's cousin is showing up to take her out.  He gets about a day a week with her."

"That's sweet of him."  She shook his hand and they packed up, going back to the station.  Her producer her loved Olivia's helpful input.  They called Paula about it.  Paula talked to Xander, who sighed but said they could show it he guessed.

***

Paula showed up the next morning.  "Olivia has her own Twitter feed."

"That's funny, she can't type yet," Xander quipped, staring at her.

"Whoever started it thought it was adorable that you needed a research cabinet or a warehouse to keep the drooling ones off you."

"It certainly helps," Peter said, sipping his coffee.

"Definitely," Xander agreed.  "Should I pout that she's more popular than I am?"

"Not quite yet," she admitted.  "Close though.  They posted other videos of her wisdom."

Xander found his laptop and found her feed, watching the videos.  He groaned, shaking his head.  "They should ask some of the people in the daycare."  He shut down his laptop and walked off.

Peter smiled.  "She is very wise and smart."

"She is, yes.  Someone wanted to know if they could interview her."

"No," Xander called from upstairs.

"Okay, I'll tell them you said that."  She walked off smiling.  Olivia was her favorite baby.  Even Alexis hadn't been that cute.

Peter listened to Xander bang his head on something hard.  "It will be fine and people will forget her," he called, taking a sip of his coffee.  When it kept going on, he went up to stop him and take his mind off all that.

***

Rick sat down beside Beckett's desk, handing over his phone pulled up to a page.  She read it, tipping her head to the side.  "That's Olivia."

"It is.  She's the new hot thing to follow on Twitter."

Beckett changed videos, staring at the next one.  "Huh."  When she went back to the feed, there was a new comment from the daycare.  Or supposedly from the daycare.  "It's good that she's promoting reading, even though she admitted potty training is hard."  She handed it back and shook her head quickly.  "Is Xander okay?"

"Peter said he's banging his head on a closet door."

"I would be too."

"He's refused to let her do interviews."

She smiled.  "Good!"

"No one has any idea who started it for her."

Esposito came in and tossed his notebook on the desk, heading for the coffeepot.  "There's no one there that knows anything.  Including their names most of the time."

"Olivia's got a huge following on Twitter," Rick called after him.

Esposito walked out to stare at him.  "What?"  Rick grinned as he showed him.  He groaned.  "Xander's got to be banging his head on something."  He went back to getting his cup of caffeine.  When he came back he sat down and sent an email to Xander to make sure he knew about it.

***

Xander sat down to log in and type out a message.  He counted to make sure it would fit the 140 character limit.

Alexian Harris says:

//I would like to talk to the person who started this.  Olivia can't type and is 2.  We don't want her harmed.  Please email me.  Thx.//

Peter looked over his shoulder.  "That is polite and good reason."  He took a kiss then went to make a snack for them.  "How long are you going to wait before you escalate it?"

"Today.  If I haven't heard something by tonight I'm going to ask politely in the press."  He smiled.  "That's a very dangerous thing to start at her age."

"It is.  Especially with those who might hurt her to get back at you or for an apocalypse."

Xander nodded.  "Definitely.  Then I'd start to kill people."  He went to figure out what he was wearing and who to talk to.

Peter shook his head.  Xander had an easy relationship with a few reporters.  It was something he'd never be able to do.  Clearly Xander had learned much from Rick.

***

Xander smiled at the reporter.  "Do we have any idea on that feed?" he asked her.

"I know a tiny bit."

"I really do want to talk to this person.  With how young Olivia is, this is dangerous.  People could stalk her or hurt her.  I'd never want to have to kill someone for hurting Olivia.  I will but I'd hate myself for a few minutes.  Especially since someone tried to get into her daycare today to take her picture."

The reporter winced.  "A reporter?"

"No.  A blogger."  He smirked.  "They got arrested.  Quickly.  I'd like to thank the NYPD for acting long before I got called about it."

"I'm glad they could stop that.  It is dangerous for someone her age."

"Yes, it is.  Especially if I find someone stalking her."  He grinned.  She shivered.  "So I'm going to ask politely.  I'd like to *politely* talk to whoever started that to make sure that he wants to protect her the same way I do.  So that no one wants to stalk her, hurt her, or anything else.  I don't want to be mean to them.  I don't want to sue them, nothing like that.  Though, if they get Olivia hurt...."  He hummed.  "I'm going to lose it.  I'm honest about that."

"You're very protective of Olivia.  A lot of people like that," she said, smiling at him.

He grinned back. "I'm a good overprotective boob of an uncle."  She giggled and nodded.  "But she's sweet and special.  I want to protect her from all this.  That's why you guys hardly ever see her anymore. I want her to grow up normal."

"I can understand that."  Her assistant brought out an email and then left.  She read it.  "The person who's doing the feed wrote back that you need to butt out."

Xander smiled at the camera.  "Either he and I talk or I'm going to go from polite to sue in nanoseconds.  Rodney taught me that definition so I'm pretty sure I have it down pat now."  He smiled at her again.  "I don't care if he's having fun with it.  As long as whoever is going to be as protective of Olivia as I am."

"I can fully understand that," she said.  She patted him on the hand.  "I hope you two can work that out."

"So do I.  I want Olivia to do great things some year.  I want to send her to a great college, watch her get a PhD or two, and so something great for humanity."

"You don't want her to hunt?"

"We'll be telling her how to protect herself but no I don't want her to hunt.  Her hunting means that something horrible happened around her and I'd hate that."

She nodded.  "I understand.  You don't want anything traumatic to happen like what happened to the Winchesters."

"Exactly."  The assistant brought back another email.  He read it and nodded. "I'd still like to talk to him.  Even via email.  I'm only concerned about her security.  And I thank you for helping me," Xander told her.

She smiled.  "Olivia's adorable and I hope that my future daughters are like her."  Xander beamed.  She shifted closer.  "I've heard rumors about you and your boyfriend?"

Xander grinned.  "I promised Andrelina that story when it happens."  He winked but grinned.  "But I can see that there's possibility of pictures soon.  Banned authors is coming up."  She blinked.  "Or there's a possibility of a new movie..."  She squealed and beamed.  "Soon probably."

"Really?"

He nodded.  Paula texted him and he looked then at her, showing her the email.  She gaped.  He grinned.  "Plus Peter's first book is being turned into one too.  He said you did a good job with his first on-air interview."

She smiled.  "I'll keep that in mind."  She winked and the producer cut.  "Seriously?"  Xander leaned over to hiss in her ear.  Her mouth flopped open.  He grinned.  "Wow."

"They finally came to an agreement that he could be himself during interviews."

"That's good!"

"And that agents wouldn't show up to try to kill him or me again."

"Even better."

He grinned.  "Of course, I wrote him into something but I was *real* subtle."  He winked.  "There's a contest on my site to see if you can find him.  If you can you get an autographed set of everything."  He strolled off.  "If they contact you again, send them my way."

"Of course, Alexian.  Thank you."

"Welcome."  He grinned.  "She got it because she was there when Olivia was planning my dress."  He went to go home and see if that person had written yet.  He had, which was a good thing.  Especially since a few people had made stalker-like statements about Olivia.  He was all about not getting his ass kicked by Xander and Peter, and also not getting sued for encouraging someone to stalk a baby.  Xander looked at Peter.  "What's on tomorrow's schedule?"

"Hiring her a bodyguard?" Peter guessed.  Xander nodded, handing over the laptop.  He growled.  "I have friends who can trace them."

"By law, we can't do anything unless they make specific moves toward her.  If they do, then I'm going to let you stop me."  He grinned.

Peter nodded.  "I would want my own part of the beating."  They shared a kiss then he typed in something under his author name.  It reminded a few of them that Olivia was not-yet three and had highly overprotective family members.  One of them signed off immediately.  The others toned down their discussion.

The phone rang and Xander answered it.  "What?"

"Xander, I'm on with the Twitter people.  Do you want it shut down?"

"The person who runs it agreed that we needed to protect her."

"Have you seen what's been said recently?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah."  He sent a message to the guy, who agreed he could start it under a better name.  "He said he'll start it under a better name and watch it," Xander told her.

"Done," she said then hung up.

A few minutes later the feed was shut down with a large message saying that the messages constituted a threat to a child.  Peter sighed and nodded.  Xander grinned back.  He found an innocuous video of Olivia spazzing out and sent that over.  It made her look like a little girl.

The guy got a new one set up within minutes and had it monitored a lot more closely.  The first one that put up a comment that was questionable got removed immediately.  They got reported by what he said.  That made the overprotective uncle and his highly protective spouse much happier.  They even sent over the garden video.  That got a lot of cute comments and they happily said that Xander had sent it over.

Xander put his laptop aside and looked around.  "It's quiet without her fussing over us."

"It is," Peter agreed.  "She will be back in the morning.  I had plans of us going to dinner."  Xander beamed and got up to shower and change.  Peter checked his watch.  They could easily make the reservations.  Xander came down in a suit that looked very good on him.  Peter went to change into something very nice as well.  Then they went to dinner and made it a game to avoid all the cameras.  That was great fun to them.

***

Paula walked up to where the guys were in the park, staring at the girl reading between them.  With two officers growling at someone.  "I'm very proud that you let the NYPD officers handle it, boys."  She smiled.  "Thank you for being authors for a few days."

Xander grinned back.  "Olivia said it'd make me dirty and there's cameras."

"Obviously."  She smiled at Olivia.  "How is your writing going?"

"Just behind potty training," Xander said dryly.

She smiled.  "It'll happen."  She patted the baby on the head.  "You missed an interview?"

"No, I called her.  I told her why and she said it was fine.  We talked about the new book.  We talked about Peter, and she thought he is very cute.  She agreed with Olivia about the dress choice."  Paula rolled her eyes and shook her head.  The guy crying between the officers sneered at him.  Xander glared.  "I don't have an interview and the cameras are gone, dude.  Plus, there's Dean."  He pointed with a grin.

"Dean!" Olivia called with a smile and a wave.  "Hi!"

"Hi, 'Liv," he called, waving back.  He paused to get a drink.

"Ohmygod, you're Dean Winchester!" a female voice yelled and he had to duck being pounced.

"I may be but no pouncing.  Especially not in front of Olivia.  Dad would be *so* pissed off."  He walked off.  He got about twelve steps and then he got pounced for real from behind.  There were more than a few this time and they were all cooing, playing with his hair, and feeling him up.  "Hey!" he complained.

Olivia stomped over there with her fiercest scowl.  "You leave my Uncle Dean alone before I whip your asses," she said firmly, hands on her hips.  She was tapping a foot.  "Get off him, now!  Before Grandpa helps me spank you!"  One giggled.  The officers helped pull them off him.

"Don't make me come over there," Xander called.  They tried to flee.  "Olivia, come get a drink."  She escorted Dean back, patting his hand with a 'poor baby, they won't pounce you again' on the way.

Dean grinned at her.  "Thanks, Olivia."

"You're welcome.  You need *good* girls, not ones who should be in corner until they wear clothes that don't hang out butts.  You're not pretty like that!"  She sat down with a huff and took her juice to sip from.

Dean sat down to drink his water too.  Sam nearly got just as mobbed but Tara was with them and she wind-gusted them away. John followed but he was armed so they ran.  Dean looked at them.  "I need mine," he told his father.

"Ooooh, he likes guns!" a female voice squealed.  "We have to make him like good girls!  Before Alexian claims him."

"I've got one of my own already," Xander called impatiently.  "Shut up and please leave Dean alone?  Before Olivia has to lose her temper?"  They got escorted off.  Xander sighed, looking at his niece.  "I have no idea."

"They stupid heads," she told him.  "Clearly stupid heads and want to be mommies so they can be lost like mine is.  That way Grandpa has babies to raise."

"I'd never accept someone like that marrying the boys, Olivia," John said.  He sat down.  "What happened?"  He pointed at the guy in cuffs.

"He tried to pounce Olivia."  Xander sipped his juice.  "They got him for me."

"Good!" Sam said, glaring at him.  The guy crawled after the officers.  They came back to get him before he could escape.  Sam smiled and waved.  "Thanks, guys.  We hate having to go scary over her."  They smiled back.

Olivia patted him on the cheek, making Sam look at her.  "If you get too scary, you'll only get bad girls who drool.  Then you'll need a warehouse."

Sam grinned and hugged her.  "I'll borrow Xander's since he doesn't need his anymore."

"We can share," Peter agreed.  "I only had a drawer before but most of the drooling ones avoided me because of golf."

Xander snickered.  "Yet you made golf hot, Peter.  They clearly underestimated how hot you are with a club."

Peter smirked at him.  "We have that event tonight."

"I know."  His phone rang with a message so he looked at it.  "Paula said that the Treasury finally released one of my accounts.  That's awfully nice of them."  He wrote back about the others.  They finally left, Xander pausing to pick up their suits for the banned books event.  Olivia nagged John into getting them stuff with fruit for lunch and then they went home to help Xander and Peter get pretty for later.  Olivia loved that and the three Winchesters babysitting tonight made her happy too.  Dean's kitty wife was mean when he wasn't there.

***

Peter walked the sleepy man back into the house, steering him away from the couch and up the stairs.  He carefully got Xander undressed then did his own, climbing in next to him.  Xander purred and nuzzled.  "Why is bed wet?"  He got up and looked.  "Dean?" he called.

"It wasn't her.  Olivia climbed in to read her bedtime story to herself because she was pouty that Dad wouldn't read to her.  She had a bottle of water.  Sorry."  He came to the doorway.   "Didn't realize she had spilled it."

"That is fine."  He got Xander up and onto his chair in there, which usually only held shoes or him when he was putting them on, then changed the bed and flipped the mattress.  That helped and then they got to go back to bed.  Xander nuzzled and crawled as close as he could.  Peter looked at him.  This was a new form of cuddling.   He heard the sneeze and mentally groaned.  Xander got cuddly when he got sick.  He would have to make sure that Xander got better faster.  Being this cuddled would hamper him if something like another break-in happened.  He shifted and rolled behind Xander, holding him.  Xander moaned in pleasure and that worked well.  So they had worked that out easily.  He fell asleep with Xander snoring.

***

Olivia snuck into her uncles' room, staring at them.  She sighed then went running for Sam.  He'd know what to do.  "Unclie sick," she said, waking him up by poking him.  "Unclie sick."

Sam blinked at her.  "What sort of sick?"

"He snore so he sick."

Sam pulled her up to hug her.  "We'll make sure he gets some medicine."   She nodded, cuddling him.  "It's really early," he said after a glance at his clock.  "Why are you up?"

"Not sleep.  Kitty woke me."

"Ah."  He got up to help her check on the cats.  The litter boxes got cleaned even though they were mostly clean.  The food bowl was empty so that's why they had woken their feeding slaves.  Olivia curled up on a chair to go back to sleep.  Sam covered her with a throw blanket, smiling at the cuteness.  Then he looked at the cabinets.  No cold medicine.  John came down giving him a dirty look.  "The cats woke her.  She said Xander's sick enough to snore."

"He sounded a bit hoarse yesterday."  He started a pot of coffee.  "Does he have anything this week?"  Peter came down the stairs.  "Does he have medicine?"  Peter shook his head, making some tea to bring upstairs.  "I'll run out and get some."

"He said he doesn't take it," Peter said.

"Tough.  He can't be sick for that long."  He took some coffee with him to the big chain store up the road.  He came back with two different types of medicine, handing them to Peter since he was making breakfast.  John got more coffee and checked on Olivia.

"Let her sleep," Peter said.  "The cats woke her up three times last night."

"Their food bowls were empty," Sam said.  Peter smiled. Peter carried the breakfast up there.  Sam made his and his father's breakfast.  Dean came stumbling down the stairs with his cat following him.  The cat pounced Olivia and curled up in the warm spot.

She swatted her.  "Move.  My warm spot!"  She cuddled up again when Dean moved the cat.  The cat snuggled in and Olivia went back to sleep.  John got the ear thermometer to use on her.  She swatted at him but he grimaced.  "Not sick," she ordered.

John looked at her.  "Bull.  You're running a fever."

"But daycare," she whined.

"Go curl up with your uncle and we'll get you some medicine.  You can probably go tomorrow if you're better."  She pouted but carried the cat and blanket up there.  Xander let her curl up next to him.  John found the baby tylenol for her.  He carried up the big kid medicine too.  Peter dosed them both and let them nap together. John smiled slightly at the other man.  "It's the first sickness and the first fight that shows how strong your marriage is."  Peter nodded he understood that.  "Thankfully it's something simple."

"I hope it does not get worse."

"We all hope so.  Olivia's going to be pouty and miserable."

"She is not one I'm worried about."

"Good point.  I've never seen Xander when he was sick.  Usually it's his 'I'm fine' thing and he hides.  Dean did tell me that he'll hide from Tara fussing over him."

"Thankfully Olivia cannot fuss as much."  He went up to write in the bedroom.  Xander was curled around Olivia using her as a teddy bear.  Peter smiled, going down to type in the living room instead.  The cats came over to help but that was them being cats he supposed.  "Xander is in bed."  The cats didn't care.  Dean took them up there and they decided to cuddle up with the cuddly, sick things.  Peter wrote Paula to warn her he was sick. She wrote back advice for taking care of Xander without making him hide.  He smiled at the advice.  At least Xander wouldn't be able to hide from him.  He heard the panel buzz and stared at it before getting up to answer it.  "What?"

"That's real friendly," a male voice said.  "Is my uncle there?"

"I will be right down, nephew."  He hung up.  "Is the other nephew."  He went down to talk to him.  "Baby and Xander are sick," he said.  "How are you, Nicholas?"

His other nephew looked him over.  "I'm not sure."

"Why are you not sure?"

"If I'm mad."

"I did not tell Mickey first either."

"He at least got to meet your intended first.  Though I'm not sure if I'm mad that you got married to a guy.  It's not exactly good with my beliefs."

Peter shrugged.  "Does not matter to me."

His nephew nodded.  "Good.  That means it's not just a cover or something."

"I would never go that far for a cover."  He stared at him.  "I am not shallow.  Neither is he."

"I've heard of him.  Are you staying retired?  Because I know he jumps into things."

"We are both like National Guard.  I have been for years."

His nephew nodded.  "How sick is he?"

"We are hoping it is a cold.  Both are snoring and pouty."

"Oh."  He shifted then looked at his uncle again.  "When are you going to introduce him to us?"

"Next week.  I had planned dinner with your mother."

"She told me.  That's how I found out about this when I asked Mickey why we were having a family dinner.  He reminded me of the rumors I had heard."

"We are keeping this quiet.  That way no one tries something.  Because we know there are idiots.  One group keeps burning his likeness every few months."

"I understand that.  There's a few priests I work with who are idiots like that."  He stared at him.  "I never considered you with a guy."

Peter shrugged.  "Is good for me."  He smiled. "He is very good to me."

"That's good.  I'd hate to try to kick his ass with Mickey's help."  Peter grinned.  "Are you bringing the baby?  Mom would coo over her."

"Olivia would like more people to help her be pretty."  His nephew smiled.  "It will be good."  His nephew smiled.  Xander came out of the door and looked at him.  "Xander, this is my other nephew, Father Nicholas Kostmayer.  This is Xander."

He held out a hand.  "Welcome to the family."

Xander grinned.  "Thanks."  He shook it.  "I'm sorry I'm sick."

"It's all right.  We all get colds and stuff."  He smiled at his uncle.  "You still should've told me instead of letting Mickey do it."

"Mickey had seen a lot of him.  I thought it better to tell you that way."

Xander yawned, putting his head on Peter's shoulder.  "It was kind of fast and out of the blue or we could've met sooner."  He yawned again.  "Do you play golf too?  You can join us at the driving range."

"That might be nice."  He smiled.  "You should go back to bed."

Xander nodded.  "Olivia kicked me out."  Peter laughed, smiling at him.  "I'm going to nap on the couch.  Nice to meet you."  He went back inside.

Peter smiled at his nephew.  "He is very unique and very sweet."

"He seems like it."  He smiled.  "I'll tell Mom why since Mickey didn't."

"I expected him to."

"I think he ran from it."  He smiled and shifted, looking around.  "Who's that?"

"Reporter," Peter admitted.  "They are a fact of life when you have best selling book."

His nephew looked at him.  "I heard.  Mom squealed."  Peter grinned.  "Good job, Uncle.  He seems nice."  He batted him on the arm.  "Should we expect news about wanting more kids some year?"

"I leave that to him.  He has Olivia.  Tara is thinking of having one."

"That's good.  Let me make Mom squeal."  He walked off happier.  Xander seemed a lot nicer than he did in the news when he had to handle things.  His mother was waiting when he got home.  She was standing in the doorway waiting on him.  She didn't look pleased either.  "It's a family dinner to announce they went to City Hall."  He stayed out of grabbing range.  His mother would shake him.  She was making squeaky noises.  He grinned.  "I met Xander for a minute.  He has a cold.  Uncle Peter said he'd bring Olivia too."  His mother was still making squeaky noises.  This was a bad sign.  He might need Mickey to save him.  Then she stomped off.  He went inside.  Mickey was on the couch.  "You didn't tell her?"

"I didn't want shaken."

She came back from the kitchen, staring at them.  "He *married* that author boy?"

"Uncle Peter's book is being made into a movie," Mickey said.  She stared at him.  He smiled.  "They met when they went to Lorne Cash's bar in DC during an author thing.  They introduced him to their publisher."

She sipped her coffee.  "The little girl you see him with?"

"His niece Olivia.  He and Tara share custody," Mickey said, smiling at her.  "She's adorable.  She's a tough little thing who likes to ambush people with her nerf crossbow, but it has to not make her less pretty."

She almost smiled at that.  "She always looks adorable."  Mickey got into his smartphone and showed her the Twitter feed.  "Is he throwing a fit?"

"They had to shut the first one," Mickey said.  "A few went stalker sounding."  She grimaced but sat down to watch the videos it linked to.  She giggled at the dress one.  "She's a great little girl.  She's charming, doesn't fuss, doesn't do picky eating things.  Loves vegetables."

"That's nearly amazing."  She switched videos, snickering at the vegetable one.  "She seems sweet."

"She has the same cold her uncle does," Nicholas said.  Mickey smirked at him.  "Xander came down and cuddled up to Uncle Peter's side, rested his head on his shoulder.  I almost gagged."

"It's good that he doesn't try to out-tough it."  His mother looked up.  "He probably does the same thing I do."

"Probably," she agreed.  "I always hated it when you did it."  She went back to watching.  She was an adorable niece.  "Niece?"

"She's Rosenburg's daughter but Xander and Tara are sharing custody since they're off-realm."

"Huh."  She nodded, going back to it.  When it rang she handed it back to her son and went to make more coffee.  The brothers shared a grin.  It was good their mother had accepted it and calmed down.

***

Xander looked up as his doctor walked into the exam room with a scowl.  "I thought it was a cold."

"It appears to be a minor lung infection.  I don't know from what."

"Daycare?" Olivia asked.

"Could be," she admitted, smiling at the little girl.  She patted her on the head.  "It doesn't look like a foreign substance."

"From the gas attack?" Xander asked quietly.

"That's also possible.  I looked over the notes on that.  It's possible that's why you're sicker than her but it's lasted a while."

"I remember coughing a lot."

She nodded.  "The x-rays didn't show any damage then and the new ones don't either.  Just some inflamation.  So I'm going to put you both on something mild for it."  Xander nodded.  "Can she take pills?"

"It's harder to get her to swallow them than it is to get the cats to take one."

"Okay, so liquid," she decided.  "Yours too, Xander?"  He grinned and shrugged a bit.  She smiled.  "Also, I saw the update to your records."  She looked at him.  "Does he know?"

"That there is something."

"Good to know.  I haven't seen Agent Philips in here huffing about things so I thought I should ask in case something happens."

Xander nodded.  "He knows that there's some results that got locked up beyond tight.  He knows that there's something bad in my blood.  He doesn't know details."

"That's fine.  He's your spouse, that's reasonable."  She wrote out the prescriptions and handed them over.  "Come back in a week."  She handed them both lollipops.  They grinned at her.  "Other than that, she's due a shot."

"Right before the start of school, Doc.  That way she gets used to going to the doc for shots right before school starts."  He unwrapped his and sucked on it.

"That's a good policy and she's not behind on them."  She made that note.  "Make that appointment today as well."  He nodded.  "Good boy.  Get that filled.  Make sure you guys don't need shots for the upcoming signing things."

"That's next year."

"We'll look at the updated international shot schedule then."  She smiled.  "She's good though."  Xander nodded with a grin.  "I'm glad it's a happy marriage."

"Me too."  They let her go and made their follow ups then went to the pharmacy.  They even picked up treats for putting up with them when they're sick.  The assorted hard candy jar was a good choice for the family's tastes.  The pharmacist gave them an odd look about it being for liquid antibiotics but Xander shrugged.  "I can't swallow pills and she won't."

"Pills are bad for you," Olivia said.  "They make you stupid and stupid isn't pretty."

The pharmacist smiled and nodded.  "That's very true, dear."  He filled it and checked them out so they could pay for their treats too.  Then they went home.

Dean looked at the large jar of treats, grinning at them.  "Thanks, guys."  He moved the cats from it.  "They got treats."

Peter came out to get some, taking a kiss when Xander offered it.  "Not a cold?"

"She thinks it's a lung infection.  Some swelling without anything eating it."

"Gas?" Dean asked between bites.

"Could be.  Not sure."

Dean nodded once.  "They really need to die in jail."

Xander smirked.  "The earlier ones that they were on bail for went off yesterday.  They got found guilty and sentenced to ten years.  That leaves the next one for the gas attack."

"So we're not going to see him again, hopefully," John decided, taking the can of treats from his oldest son.  He sat down and let Olivia climb into his lap.  "Medicine?"  Xander checked, handing him hers.  He took his own.  She took hers but grimaced and then had to go back to her lollipop.  The bottles went into the refrigerator, on different shelves so they couldn't get mixed up.  He sat down to nibble on the treats himself, handing it to Peter when he walked behind him.  Peter smiled and got some to nibble on, handing Xander his laptop.  Xander grinned, getting into his email.  He also put up an update on his page about being a bit sick with a cold.  He put up a hint of what he was doing.  Then he laid down to rest.  He still felt like crap.

"Paula would like to see something today," Peter said quietly.  Xander groaned but sat back up so he could email something to her.  Then he laid back down.  Peter grinned.  "You had some ready?"

"I had two whole chapters she hasn't seen as far as I know."  His email beeped so he looked at it.  "The guy running Olivia's twitter feed said that he's had to block someone twice now."

"Bad?" Sam asked, coming over to get some of the treats.

"Could be.  He said he's turned them in to the Twitter people for abuse."  He wrote back and put his laptop aside.  "The daycare has not liked the feed.  They somehow got some footage of her nagging one of the other girls about not wanting her hair brushed."  John grinned, he had seen that.

"It needed it.  Knots hurt," Olivia assured him.

"They do, yes," Peter agreed with a smile.  He got back to his own book.  Xander was well ahead of where he needed to be, as usual, so he could finish napping the infection off.  He did take some more of the treat and let the Winchesters have the rest.

***

A detective walked up to Beckett's desk, not finding her.  "Is Detective Beckett not here?" he asked the two watching detectives.

"Court," Esposito said.  "We're her partners.  Is there a problem?"

"Something got turned in to us about a possible pedophile but the file on the child said to talk to her."

"Someone's stalking Olivia Rosenburg," Ryan said, staring at him.  The detective nodded.  "They had to close the first twitter feed because of that sort.  Is he local?"

"Very."  He handed over the file he had.  "Who is she?"

"The niece of Alexian Harris," Esposito said, earning a wince.  "She's a good little girl, very sweet.  They just decided she was cute after that one interview."

"I agree.  I saw one of the videos they posted."  He grinned.  "Is she in daycare?"

"She's been sick for the last few days so they're at home," Esposito said, taking the file from his partner.  "Hmm.  I haven't seen anything about him.  Are you SVU?"

"Internet crimes."

"Let me get someone I know."  He called.  "It's Detective Ryan in Homicide.  I need someone from your people here to talk about a file Internet Crimes brought us."  He smiled.  "That'll work, thank you."  He hung up.  "Give him ten minutes to refill his coffee then he'll come over."  That got a nod.  They sat down to talk about the threats to Olivia that they knew of.  Agent Philips walked in and blatantly stole the file.  "We've got someone coming."

Philips looked at him.  "We don't want Harris to overreact."

"They've both got a cold or something," Esposito said, leaning back in his chair.

"Good!"  He handed it back.  "Any idea who this person is?"  The other detective gave him that information.  He nodded.  "Not on his drool patrol list or any of them that I know."  He looked him up.  "No, nothing on anything in Homeland."

"You're not with SVU?" the other detective asked.

"No."  He smirked.  "I used arrest most of her uncle's dates for being evil."

"That's good," he decided.  The SVU detective came in.  "Someone turned this in to me."

He took it to look over, nodding.  "Why does she have a twitter feed?"  Detective Ryan showed him one of the videos.  He smiled.  "Her uncle or whoever doesn't mind?"

"He had the first one shut down until the person who does that feed made sure that no one could hurt her," Ryan said.  "We all love Olivia.  She's a great little girl."

He nodded.  "She seems like it."  He walked off reading.  "Anything else I should know?"

"It's not someone who is known to the family as far as I know," Agent Philips said.

"Xander would destroy anyone who came near the baby," Esposito said.

"I'd expect that and his...friend to remind him he wanted part," Philips said.

Ryan grinned.  "That wasn't Beckett and Castle getting married," he said quietly.

Philips sighed.  "At least he's not evil.  It's a great thing I suppose."  The detectives grinned and nodded.  "I'll see what we're doing about briefing him about things."  He walked off shaking his head.

The two detectives smiled at each other then the Internet Crimes detective.  "Things are always handled around Xander."

He nodded.  "That's good."  He walked off shaking his head.

***

Xander was watching the entertainment station when they profiled arresting someone over Olivia.  "I'm going to fuck someone up," he muttered.

"Olivia needs to tape something about making them go stand in the corner," Sam joked.  He got Olivia in the office to tell her that she needed to tape something.  She was all for it because it meant she got to change.  She came back down and sat down, grinning.   "No, you need to make them sorry for being mean."  She nodded and scowled, letting him tape the 'stand in the corner' speech.  Dean walked in and whispered in her ear.  She scowled harder and ordered it.  Sam grinned and uploaded that.  A lot of people cackled that she was so fierce. It was well liked by the followers.  Xander and Peter were shaking their heads but the boys were having fun with this.

***

Willow sighed, coming out of her meditation.  "Xander and Tara still have her with the Winchesters watching over them."

Daniel looked at her.  "I'm sure my cousin's there.  The Winchesters would make sure she's safe no matter what happens around Xander.  Even if he's dating."

"There was someone there I didn't recognize," she said, staring at her husband.  "He had a cute accent.  Olivia sounded sniffly.  They were talking about her being online."

"She's a smart girl," he soothed, helping her up so he could rub her stomach.  "She'll be fine, Willow.  Xander has it and Tara would step in if not."

She nodded.  "I know.  I'm just worried.  She's my little girl."

"I know.  She's mine too."  He stared at her.  "Buffy's vision beside the point, she's not going to be harmed."

"I'm just worried.  Her vision showed that Olivia wouldn't want to stay with us."  She was tearing up.  "She's our daughter."

"It could be *years* before we get back.  Which means Xander and Tara would've raised her for most of her life.  She might not really remember us."

"Of course she does."

"It's been over a year there and nearly three here," he reminded her.  "If we get back before she's five it'll help that."  She huffed off.  He sighed and followed to calm her down.  He found her and Buffy staring at the new headstone they had to put up recently.  "Did you see anyone in your vision with Xander?" he asked her.

"Yeah, I saw Xander marrying some guy."  She looked at Willow.  "You checked in?"  Willow nodded.  "Was there a light haired Russian guy?"

"A light haired guy, I didn't hear him talk," Willow said quietly.  "Was he good?"

"As far as I could tell from the vision.  Tara and John Winchester were both sniffly.  Olivia seemed happy with him.  Dean and Sam were standing up for Xander.  So apparently they all liked him."

"So not evil," she said weakly.  "I'm not sure how Olivia would deal with that."  He scowled.  "I'm not sure if we talked to her about that or if Tara's dating again."

"I'm sure Xander could explain boy-loving to her," Buffy said.   "He's good at writing things so maybe he wrote a book."

"Maybe," Willow sighed.  She slumped down, rubbing her stomach.  "What if she doesn't want to stay with us?"

"She's a smart, sensitive little girl," Daniel reminded her.  "We'll work it out."  Willow nodded.  "If we ever get home."  Willow grunted but got up and went to work on that.  Buffy smiled weakly at him.  "How're you?"

"I'm okay," she said.  "I'll be okay."  He nodded, walking off again.  She needed time to work through her thoughts and emotions.  Daniel checked on their son.  He was napping peacefully at the moment.  He had his mother's earth sense so anytime something big was going on he screamed.  It was good to see him at peace again.  Now if only the thing that had taken the rest of the LA team sent them back.  He could use backup from Fred and Wes.

***

Xander woke up panting, looking around.  "Vision?" Sam asked from his seat typing something online.

"Yeah.  Willow and them are going to show up during the wedding."  Sam looked at him.  "Olivia's going to run to them and then back.  Then it flipped to a few weeks later and Olivia got lost blipping back to us."

Sam nodded.  "Okay, we can work on that."  He sent a message to someone.  "How many kids did she have?"

"Two and she miscarried one."

"That's dark magic," Sam said quietly.  Xander stared at him.  "There's a way to power raise but it's one of the darkest of dark magics."  Xander nodded, snuggling back into his nest of pillows and blankets on the couch.  "Peter and Olivia are picking up dinner."

"That's fine."  He blinked, yawning.  "I'm more worried about her blipping back."

"That's going to hurt her," he agreed.  "We'll talk to her about traveling stuff when it gets closer to time."  Xander yawned again and drifted back off.  Sam sent a text message to his father and Peter.  Best to be warned in case.

***

John glanced at his phone then back at Tara and her coven members.  She gave him a curious look so he showed her.  She gaped then huffed and nodded.  "We'll talk to her."

"We need to.  That's dangerous."

"It would be," he said.  "How would she...."

Tara groaned, shaking her head.  "It's a sacrificial magic raising," she said quietly.  "I'd slay her myself if she did it."  The rest of the coven looked at them.  "Xander had a vision of Willow and them showing up during his wedding and Willow having miscarried."

"We'll beat her ourselves," the head of the coven assured her.  "That is foul magic."  They nodded.  "If so, we'll help guard the baby.  It's a necessary thing to get them back but not that way."

"They're still on the same plane," John said.  "They've shown up a few times doing something like a spirit walk."

They nodded, working on that problem.  They could feel them now but it looked like some were missing.  John called someone in the poker circuit.  He got up and walked off talking about that group.  Something had to be done.  Soon.

***

D'Hoffryn woke up panting, looking around.  "That may not happen."  He got up and went to talk to the demon lords over a certain plane.  "Someone heard you are holding hostages," he said in greeting.  They glared at him.  "It will cause a war to start.  Harris will bring a war to you to free them.  He will bring everything out of the warehouse to do so.  His heirs over the warehouse will help.  It will breach all the agreements.  It will also let those that want to wake the God-King Illyria have a chance.  She will agree with Harris and finish what he didn't get to destroy.  It will teach Olivia Rosenburg of war and hunting."

"We do not want to see her hunt or Illyria reappear," one of them said.  The other demons nodded and looked at their realms.  D'Hoffryn pointed out which one it was.  They checked and agreed that it was a bad idea to keep them.  Wesley, Fred, and Gunn were not going to be able to handle things.  They sent a word to the demons who had them.  They were going to kill them.  Then Xander showed up.  He sneezed on them, which unknowingly spread a disease they had no protection against, and then killed the one trying to kill Gunn.  The other demons banished them back to the LA office.

D'Hoffryn nodded his thanks and left.  He went to LA to check on them.  "It is good that they did not want to see what war you would bring," he said to Xander.

"I saw the prophecy about Olivia hunting," he said, sneezing again.  D'Hoffryn grimaced and disappeared.  "Thank you."  He stared at them.  "Guys, let's get back to New York.  We'll get you to a good healer," he said quietly.  Fred sniffled.  He hugged her.  "You're all right.  You're back."  She nodded, hugging him.  "C'mon, Olivia will want to fuss."  He texted a contact who could get them back to New York.  They landed in a public park.  Xander looked around.  "Brooklyn?"  He sighed and flagged down a cab while texting John.  "These guys need to hit Forrest Square," he said as they got in.  The cab driver gave them a dirty look but he got a double take.  Xander smirked.  "This is part of the LA team."

"Yes, sir."  He took them off.  Harris even tipped, which he appreciated.  He called someone to let them know something had happened so they could watch.

Xander walked them into the healer's office.  "They were being held hostage."

The healer stared at them.  "Only them?"

"So far," Xander agreed.  He turned and sneezed.  "Sorry."

She stared at him.  "Did you do that on a demon realm?"  He nodded slightly.  "Oh, dear.  That's going to cause a plague.  Most aren't immune to colds."  She called someone while getting them some help.  That got healers onto whichever realm had them.

"Sorry," Xander said quietly.

"No, they probably deserved it."  She checked Wesley over.  "You'll need some work on that back problem."  He nodded once.  She got them worked over and then sent them to a human ER.  Xander followed after paying her.  She smiled at her bosses.  "Harris sneezed while rescuing three of the LA team."

"We'll be on alert for their upcoming problems."  She walked off to make some calls of her own.

***

Xander called a few people.  "It's Harris."  He sneezed again.  "Tell them I'm sorry if someone innocent gets my cold."

"I can do that," a female voice said.  "Why did you call?"

"I helped rescue three of the LA team.  Gunn, Fred, and Wesley."

"Oh, my," she breathed.  "Are they all right?"

"Overnight observation."  He sneezed again.  "I'm told that my sneezing is really bad so please apologize for any innocents?"

"I shall.  Which hospital?"

"The ones at Forrest Square got them sent to St. Vincents."

"I will send someone to debrief them, Xander.  Stay calm.  Take something for the cold."  She hung up and ran to the City Council's chamber.  "Three of the LA team are at St. Vincent's."  They stared at her.  "Harris called.  He did say to apologize for spreading his cold to whatever realm."

"I heard that D'Hoffryn intervened."

"There's that prophecy about Olivia hunting," she reminded them.  The head of the Council nodded.  "They're in observation."

"We can go talk to them, see what happened," the head of the Council agreed.  She got up and walked off with her assistant.  She found Xander and John Winchester guarding them.  "Harris, you should be in bed babying that cold," she said, patting him on the head.  She walked into Wesley's room.  "Hunter Wesley."

"Lady of the Council," he said with a head-nod.

She smiled.  "I'm head of the local Council.  We wanted an account of what happened."  Her assistant pulled a chair over for her and she sat.  "There are many worried about what Rosenburg will do to retrieve themselves."

He swallowed and nodded.  "When we were taken, we were split off.  Angel disappeared in a flash of light.  We have no idea where he or Spike are.  Spike wasn't there when we landed.  We managed to get off the first realm to a second one, hoping for Pylea or something mild like that.  We ended up wherever we were saved from."  Her assistant got him some water to sip, making him smile.  "Thank you."  He looked at her.  "It wasn't a polite confinement by any means but Xander got us from there."

She nodded.  "As we have heard."

"Who has Olivia?" he asked.

"Xander and Tara both watch her.  He has most of her custody."  Wesley smiled and sipped his water.  "I'm sure you will be seeing that one soon."

"Tomorrow," Xander said from the hallway.

She smiled out there then at him.  "You are safe."

"I'm glad.  The others?"

"Are still there as far as we know."  He sighed but nodded. She stood up.  "We will talk tomorrow to get a full debrief?"

"Yes, of course."

"Good.  We will tell our counterparts in LA as well.  They have guarded the building.  Though I'm told the Council took all of your effects."

He nodded.  "That doesn't surprise me any.  I expected to see one of them."

"They were recently raided," she said.  "Someone got quite upset with them."  She walked out to talk to the others.  They would guard them as well as Harris and Winchester.  That way Harris could go home and quit spreading his germs around.

***

Olivia walked up to the three people waiting in the antechamber of the Council's meeting area.  "Unclie said you guys deserved Oreos," she said with a smile.  She stared at Gunn looking confused.  "Do I know you?"

"You used to.  We worked with your Mommy," Fred said.

"Oh!"  She beamed and smiled.  "Good yous then."  She gave them the cookies and a hug.  "Did Daddy find you?"

"No, we got separated from your parents," Wesley said, smiling at her.  "I'm sure they're working on coming home soon."  She beamed.  "Why are you wandering around by yourself?"

Olivia cleared her throat and clearly tried to imitate her uncle.  "No touching Olivia or I destroy everyone."  She giggled and grinned at the nearest demon.

"Yes he would.  If he didn't, one of the Winchesters would."

"Then they're watching out for her?" Wesley asked.

"Definitely.  The whole family really."  He smiled.  "He considers Olivia like a grandchild."

"Even though I did see that prophecy that said she'd better never *have* to hunt," John said as he joined them.  He picked up Olivia, looking at her.  "Did you lose Aunt Tara again?"

"She's talking to someone about my future baby sister."  She grinned.  "So I let her have privacy."

"That's very nice of you."  He kissed her on the head.  "Go talk to the nursery person.  They have plants that they can't fix."  She wiggled down and ran to find them.  The demon watching showed her where it was.  There were tons of sad plants!  Clearly work for her.  John smiled.  "She's picked up on Tara's herbal skills. She's a very bright little girl."

"I'd say she is," Gunn agreed, nibbling on a cookie.  "Xander sent us cookies?"

"Xander got his ass put back in bed by his husband."  They all gaped.  He smirked.  "Peter's around here somewhere."

"I was watching mural that moves," Peter admitted from up the hallway.  He came into view.  "Xander is napping off cold medicine."

"Ah," they said and nodded.  John snickered.

"Guys, this is Peter Yurchenko, Xander's spouse.  He's also now a writer, retired from the more dangerous things."

Peter smiled and nodded.  "We agreed being the National Guard was a good job.  Raising Olivia was most important unless world is ending."

Tara walked out and hugged him then the three missing team members, then John.  John stared at her, smiling.  "Did someone do a happy spell?"

"I go in for my first attempt tomorrow."  He hugged her back.  She grinned at them.  "I've got baby envy."

"Olivia is sweet enough to encourage that," Peter said her with a smile.  "She nearly did in my nephew Mickey."

One of the demons in the antechamber with them grimaced.  "Your nephew is Mickey Kostmayer?" he asked.  Peter smirked and nodded.  "He's like a more sour version of Xander."

"They share traits but Mickey makes me proud," Peter said.  He stared at him.  "If you run into him on the job, then you deserved it probably."

"Probably, yeah."  He shook his head quickly.  "Our landlord was doing dirty things to try to force us out.  One of the human neighbors called his boss."  Peter nodded.  "At least he didn't flinch about us."  Xander stomped in.  "Ah!" he shouted and pointed.  "You're sick.  A lot of us can't get colds or we'll die."

Xander stared at him.  "You take flu shots, you're immune.  I'm not going near the egg nursery and I got called."

Peter tested his forehead then kissed it.  "You need chocolate milk and more rest."  Xander grinned at him.  Olivia came running out to pounce him and babble about the plants.  Xander and Peter let her and then hugged her.  She babbled at Tara too, getting cuddled and Tara came to help her.  The group was let into the council's chambers.

Xander looked at Fred, grinning.  "Did she remember you guys?"

"Almost," Gunn said quietly.

Xander nodded.  "She knows her daddy.  She still makes books read in his voice.  She thinks that Willow is lost like a lost dog movie."  They smiled at him.  "She thinks all mommies have to get lost for a few hours at the least.  Tara will maybe go for a weekend then come back."

"She wanted us to give her siblings as well," Peter said.

"She thinks the new baby will make us want one more," Xander agreed.

"I like the little one we have at the moment.  Perhaps when she is in school we will talk?"

Xander grinned and nodded.  "Maybe when she's ten.  That way she can babysit sometimes and it's good birth control."

Peter smiled.  "Babies can be, yes.  I'm sure I can find many retired ones who might want to spawn by then."  Xander laughed.

"If so, we'll make sure his future offspring doesn't bounce like he does on chocolate," the head of the Council said.  They grinned at her.  Olivia came running in with Tara behind her.  "Thank you for helping the plants, Olivia."

"You're welcome."  She beamed.  "Plants have to be happy to be healthy."

"Yes they do."  She smiled at the three hunters.  "What do you know of what happened?  We have the LA Council's report on the magic used."

"We know who did it," Tara said.  "And they're very sorry."

"Mostly of the dead variety," Xander added.

Tara nodded with a smile for them.  "The young watcher that started it off got sent out to a bad area.  He didn't survive long.  The witches were punished by the coven themselves, who have been angry that they couldn't undo it."

"It took them six months to be able to connect with Willow to check on them," Xander said.

"We were split off within minutes of us getting there," Wesley said, nibbling on a cookie.  "The original realm we landed on was bad and we managed to get off it by pooling our energy.  It let us summon a wish demon who allowed us to wish ourselves onto another plane.  We were hoping for Pylea and asked for it."

"Hmm.  I have a report from D'Hoffryn that says that one is locked off from placing people there.  Or else he might have allowed it."  She looked at Fred.  Who slumped.  Gunn patted her on the back.  "Not because of what you went through there."

"There's a group of ancient demons that want to use you to resurrect their God-King demon," Xander said, grinning at her.  "You'd be her host body."

"Eww."  Fred took Olivia to cuddle.  "I used to walk the floors with you all the time, young lady.  You were cranky sometimes at night."

Olivia stared at her.  "Thank you."  Fred smiled and hugged her.  Olivia hugged back.  "Are they staying here?" she asked.

"Up to them," Xander said.

"Is LA covered?" Wesley asked.

"Most of Gunn's people are still there.  John's sent a few hunters that way more often.  Anything huge and we handle it before it gets that way hopefully."

"There hasn't been anything too huge since the invasion," John said.  "The hunters out there have been keeping track and there's been a few bigger names appear but most were on a holy pilgrimage to the Hellmouth."

"Which still seems odd," Tara said.

"There's a historical remembrance of the Old Ones trapped in the Deeper Well," the head of the council said.  They all nodded.  "It should not come to a battle."

"That'd be appreciated," John Winchester said dryly.  Peter laughed and nodded.  "I don't even want to imagine that battle."

"Explosives," Xander said slowly and clearly.  "No more problem."

"Your illness is making you mean," one of the Council said.

"Opening the hellmouth would make me meaner," Xander quipped back.

"There is an elite guard troop guarding it."  The head of the Council smiled.  "We do see a lot less of the stupid sort here in New York since the invasion and the hunters becoming known."

"Most of them think that Tara will become scary," one of the guards said.

"I'm not that scary," Tara said.

"If you're scary and you know it clap your hands," Olivia sang.  Peter laughed and cuddled her.  The others were trying not to laugh.  "Dean would be very mad if it upset his kitty wife."

"Is she changed?" Wesley asked John.

"No.  One of my cats adopted Dean and nags him like his wife would," Xander said.  "She hovers over him, claws people that won't let her near him.  If she hasn't seen him for days she'll meow frantically when she does and he'd better have room in his lap for her."

"Cats still aren't allowed in the Impala," John said.

"Talk to your sons about that," Xander reminded him.  "I hardly ever ride in the Impala myself."

"Good point."  They went over what had happened and what everyone knew about where the rest of the group was - minus the vampires.  No one was sure where they were.  Olivia put in something now and then which made everyone give Xander pointed looks.  Xander just grinned back.  Her gifts were nicely muted and being trained so that was kind of them.  At one point Wesley said something in her ear and she pulled the magic back from the table so it'd quit shaking.  Xander gave him a look.  Wesley stared back.

"She knows the bugs underneath it are bad," Xander said.  "One came out of the warehouse and we had a stomping contest to kill it."

One of the guards looked and killed the bugs.  "She's right, those are harmful, especially to humans."  He smiled at the baby.  "Thank you.  Next time tell us and we'll kill them for you.  You're too little to stomp most bugs hard enough to kill them."

"Okay."  She smiled at Xander, who petted her.  "I'm a good girl."  She stole one of Fred's oreos with a grin and a kiss on the cheek for her.

"Let's go play with the plants," John said.  She bounced out with him.

"There's days you can forget she is her mother's daughter outside the hair," one of the members of the Council said.

Tara smiled.  "One of her favorite dresses looks like one of Xander's old shirts."

They smiled.  "You're doing an amazing job with her," the head of the Council said. "She's growing into a smart, sensitive young woman with a bright future."

Xander nodded.  "Especially with the school I picked out for her."

Wesley looked at him.  "What if Willow and Daniel come back?"

"They know they're off realm," Xander told him.  "There's a waiting list and she's on for her kindergarten year as long as she can pass the tests.  Which means she'll have to write soon.  If that happens, we'll wean her back onto them and the school has a list of ones like them in LA."

"That's good."  He smiled.  "I know they'd probably want her back with them immediately."

Xander stared at him.  "Time's running faster there, Wes.  She's got at least one siblings."  Fred winced at that.  "She was pregnant the last time any of us saw her.  So we've got whole other issues to tell her about first."

"Good point.  Is there an easy way to wean her back?"

"No," Xander said, shaking his head.  "It's going to hurt like hell all around."  That got a nod from Fred.  "We'll be as gentle as we can and explain everything that we can to her."

"Daniel wouldn't be mean," Gunn said quietly.

"That's what I'm hoping.  That and he gives Willow some sense along with the baby making seed."  Fred snickered, shaking her head.

"It might help," Tara agreed.  She looked at Xander.  "Your vision?"

"If that happens, we'll figure it out."

She nodded, handing the Council a copy of it.  The head of the Council grimaced and nodded, handing it to her assistant.  "If so, we'd give them consideration for the dark magic."  She looked at Xander.  "Is that an absolute date?"

"No.  It could be anytime.  Though we're not planning that yet," he sighed, looking at Peter.  "Mostly because Olivia's still considering which dresses we should wear."

"I would look fantastic but is too fussy for my style," Peter said.  Xander grinned at him.

Tara shook her head.  "She's picked out one for Alexis, one for Martha.  One for Kate and Rick to each wear."   Xander and Peter laughed.  "She has good taste but I think Kate decided it was a bit fussy too, and she'd have to carry too many weapons."

"With the way Olivia sees it, she doesn't much need her scary research cabinet anymore," Xander quipped.

Tara giggled.  "No, she's settled on one so all the evil droolers are leaving her alone now."

"I'm sensing the helping hand of his past dates?" Wesley asked her.  Tara smiled and nodded.  "Is it more sane now?"

"The wish demon that was using most of them as minions to be able to handle myself and Tara's influence decided they were too idiotic to be minions anymore and had them kill each other after Peter and I married."

"Ah."  Wesley nodded.  "Interesting.  Like the wish?"  Tara nodded.  "Oh, dear."

"Time delayed wish by Willow while pregnant," Tara sighed.  "D'Hoffryn used it to take out his power making move."

"Wonderful."  He stared at Peter.

"Was not fated or anything.  He ran into my friend's bar to get away from stalkers."  He smiled.  "I proved I am badder than all of them and made him like golf."

"Good.  I'm glad it's a happy union," Wesley said with a smile. "Is it generally known?"  Xander shook his head.  "Then we'll not talk about it in public."  Olivia ran back with John following her, and Sam following them.  "Good morning, Sam."

"Morning, Wes, Fred, Gunn."  He hugged Fred, getting one back.  He grinned at her.  "I checked on the group of guardian demons and hunters that've been using the hotel.  They're all ready whenever you want to go back.  No one used your rooms.  Wesley, they couldn't protect any of the books from the Council but they are being sent back.  I talked to the local one and he called to tell them you're back.  Your father's still around somewhere and would like a call."  Xander shook his head.  "They said he was."

"Not unless they pulled him back from the dead.  Wes's father was in that demon summoning that I heard about."

"Huh," Sam said.  "So we'll figure that out I guess."  Wesley smiled.  "Gunn, I talked with one of the girls from the gang that moved out here to be NYPD.  She's sniffling on Beckett but said welcome back and she'd hug you later."

"That's good."  He grinned.  "They all right?"

"Mostly.  A few have gotten injured.  There's been a few that left for a more normal life and two new ones that got admitted."  Gunn nodded at that.  "I've got my laptop if you want to video call them today."

"Thanks, Sam."  He shook his hand, looking at his cohorts.  "Xander, when are you going to be back in LA again so we can get some Olivia time?"

"Not for months.  I'm not due a signing out there until the writer's convention, which is in four months."  They all nodded.  "But yeah, she's coming with me."  He grinned at Peter.  Who nodded that was fine.  "They can babysit too."

"Is always a nice thing."  He smiled back.

"Grody, newlywed mushiness," Kinella said as she walked in.  They smirked at her.  "I can't babysit, guys."

"We know," Xander said.  "Guys, this is Kinella, who was called when the Council attacked Faith.  I take it Faith's sleeping in today?"

"I don't think anyone told her."

Xander took a picture of Wesley and sent it to Faith's phone.  "That'll get her up."  He grinned at Wes.  "If you guys want babysitting time, I'm all for it.  She needs to get to know you guys again.  That way, when and if it happens, she'll have people she knows and trusts in LA."

Fred beamed and bounced some.  "I love Olivia."

"Olivia can read now," Sam told her.  "Little words.  We're still working on potty training though."  He looked at the couple.  "Someone on the twitter feed suggested we try bribes again."

"She's more wrapped up in what she's doing so she doesn't realize," Xander said.  "She wants out of diapers like we want her out of them.  She just...forgets.  We've about got her on a schedule.  I'm going to ask the doc next time."

"She has a twitter feed?" Wesley asked.

"Yeah," Xander said with a grimace.  "She interrupted an interview to get the reporter's idea on what dress I should wear for the wedding, with which guns, and someone found it adorable.  He's very sure he's going to protect her so no one stalks her or anything."

"That's charming," Wesley said.  Sam grinned and pulled out his phone to show him.  All three of the LA team snickered at the garden one.  "She is adorable."

The head of the Council shook her head.  "Olivia has always been an engaging and cute little child."  Xander and Tara both smiled at that compliment.  "Are you three going back to LA soon?"

"Sometime soon," Gunn agreed.

"Until then, I have that semi-apartment set up in the warehouse they can bum," Xander said.  "The house is full."

Sam looked at him.  "Dean was thinking we needed our own place up here."

"That means we'd have to split custody of the kitty wife," Xander shot back with a grin.

"He knows."  He smirked at Tara.  "Tomorrow?"  She nodded.  "I hope it works, Tara.  An easy conception of Xander's future spoiled minion."  She giggled, batting him on the arm.

"How long has it been?" Fred asked quietly.

"Olivia's third birthday is in four days," Xander said.  "You guys are all invited.  We're having it in the park."  They smiled and nodded.  "Daniel's cousin is making sure everything is perfect for her.  Without it being too girly.  She doesn't like princesses."

"Those dresses are heavy," Tara said.

Xander grinned.  Now he knew where that came from.  "Two years to the school countdown."

"We have to work on her writing next year."  She pushed her hair back.  "Did the Council need more from them?"  They all nodded.  "Then let me track down Olivia.  Before she wears herself out on the plants."  She and Sam walked off.  The others settled in to talk and Xander offered suggestions and solutions for the current problems.  Gunn was usually common sense man of the group but he was still too shaken to bring it out.

***

Later that night, Wesley came off the elevator at the house.  "Why do you have technological things in there?  Are they that sort of dangerous?"

"It mostly comes from General O'Neill's project."  He grinned.  "They do some freaky stuff bordering on magic.  What showed up this time?"

"There's a good sized room full of blinking things."  Xander sent that text message to him.  "Does he have to come often?"

"Yup.  The warehouse considers his whole project strange and dangerous."  He grinned.  "They find a lot of their things in there."

"What happened to that carousel?"

"It's protective of children so I had it moved near the hunter that started that apocalypse by being possessed."  He beamed at his buddy.  "He's watching to make sure they can help any kids it's helping."

"Oh, my."  He nodded.  "That seems reasonable, yes."  He shook his head quickly.  "I'm sure he's thrilled."

"He's John's buddy."

"Ah."  He nodded with a sigh.  "Winifred said she found a freezer full of things with moss and tentacles that wanted to nibble on her?"

"That showed up recently," Sam said, coming in from the porch.  "Apparently it was infested with something and the warehouse just snatched the whole fridge."

"Interesting."  He went back down there.  They had a bit of money handed to them by Xander for dinner.  They could go up and browse the fridge he was sure but Xander hardly ever had food in the house.  They didn't want to take Olivia's dinner from her.  They were arguing the merits of pizza versus mexican when Olivia and Tara came down.  Olivia was carefully carrying something like a baking dish by the carrier's handle.  Tara had a picnic basket.

"Here, you eat.  Good for you," she told them, smiling at Fred.  "Veggies are always good for you."  She took the basket.  "Plates and stuff."  She kissed each one on the cheek then bounced off.

"She helped me cook it.  No, we're not playing in the warehouse tonight," Tara said.  She came bounding back and they smiled but went back upstairs.

Wesley uncovered the dish.  "Nice vegetables and cheese with ham pieces."  They dug out the plates and things, settling in to eat.

"Tara and Xander have done a better job than I would've expected," Fred said quietly.  The guys stared at her.  "You know how Xander was when he was in LA.  I expected her to be a miniature whirlwind like he was."

"A child will make you settle down and set new priorities," Wesley said.

"The rest could be Tara's influence," Gunn said.

"Tara said that he has majority custody because he has the more open schedule."  She ate a bite.  "She tipped in too much garlic powder but otherwise that's really good."  They went back to it.

A man appeared in a flash of light.  "We really have to set the warehouse so it leaves my project alone," he complained.  He saw the three staring people.  "Good, you're back. I can get the two people I loaned to LA back to Atlantis."  He walked off shaking his head.  "It'll seem sane by what they've dealt with."

"What has happened in LA?" Fred called.  "Xander hasn't been keeping careful track for us."

"I'll send the file to you, Winifred."

"Thank you, General."  Gunn stared at her.  "That's General O'Neill.  His people helped during the invasion."

"Oh."  He nodded.  "That's cool."  He dug in again.  "No one's mentioned Connor."

"He came back yesterday after destroying the demon plane he was on," O'Neill called.  "They handed him to Sam Carter and begged her to keep him."  He came out with a padded case that was obviously heavy to carry.  "He's already back in LA.  The kid doesn't know?"

"Not that we've heard," Wesley said.  "Is he all right?"

"So far."  He went upstairs.  "Xander, Connor came back yesterday."  Xander grinned at him.  He stared at Peter.  "I heard about you.  There's a highly overprotective colonel and a mega-brain scientist that are going to kill you if you hurt the kid."

"I know of Doctor McKay.  I got him out of lab in Russia once."

O'Neill grinned.  "Good.  Kid, the next big thing?"

"No one's telling me anything. The only vision I've had was Willow going super dark magic to get them back.  The last one I had I put up on the prophecy website but it's in about five years.  Another demon queen being pulled onto this realm to destroy us all.  Though if they get Fred then there's every chance they'll use her to do it sooner."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He went back downstairs.  "Pryce, any idea on how to block my project from the warehouse?"

"Not a one.  The book on it doesn't have that in the index.  I'll read it over for Xander."

"Thank you."  He went to pick up a few other things and got beamed back.  A few more trips and all their stuff was back on the base.  "They're looking to see if they can block the warehouse for us."

Sam Carter grimaced.  "I still don't believe a huge warehouse keeps stealing things."  He got her sent there.  Fred took her to show her the room the general had gone to.  She whimpered at the whole thing.  "This isn't right!  It's impossible by science."

"Magic is just science on a different spectrum.  In the quantum spectrum."  She smiled at the confused scientist.  "Sometimes things just *are* and don't need an explanation.  Like light.  You accept the various rays and radiation levels it puts out but you don't need to study what light *is*."

"I guess."  She sighed and walked off shaking her head.  She got beamed back to the mountain so she could head right to the infirmary for her new migraine.  The doctors stared at her when she walked in.  "There *is* a mystically expanded warehouse that protects everyone by stealing things that are dangerous."  The head doctor gave her a sedative and let her lay down.  Why hadn't McKay ranted about that when he had seen it?  Did he know something about magic that she didn't?  Did he maybe figure out how the two interacted and the rules that govern magic?  If so maybe it'd save her having to figure it out so she stayed sane.

***

The head of the LA Demon Council nodded politely at the man that had just appeared in a flash of light.  "Destroyer."

Connor grunted and grimaced.  "I take it I'm back in LA?"  The councilor nodded.  "The others?"

"Were sent to Harris in New York.  They're due back in a few days."

"All of them?"

"Gunn, Wesley, and Winifred."

Connor nodded once.  "That's fine.  It'll be quiet without Willow's magic doing weird things and Daniel chastising her for it."  He looked around again.  "How long was I gone?"

"Over a year."

A demon appeared, staring at Connor.  "We will take you to the others.  LA is presently quiet and they need to finish figuring things out."  He nodded at the councilor and took him to Xander's apartment.  "Hunters."

"Connor," John said with a smile and a nod.  "Welcome back."

Olivia stared at him.  "I know you.  You used to go 'grr' and chase me around."

Connor smiled.  "You thought it was a great game," he said.

She smiled.  "I do it to the cats sometimes."  She hugged him.  "Welcome back.  Were you with Daddy?"

"No. Unfortunately not."

The demon nodded at John.  "I know the others would need to sort things out with him.  Where is Harris so he can report it?"

"Napping," John said, pointing outside.  "His cold is making his head hurt so he decided to nap on the porch."

"He's being silly and doesn't want me to fuss," Olivia said.  "He's being a dumb butt."

Connor smirked.  "I've heard your mother call your dad that when he was being annoying."

"I wondered where she got that and stupid head from," John said.  "We'll tell Xander.  Thank you for bringing him to us."

"You're most welcome."  He disappeared.

"Xander, Connor's back," John called.

No answer so she snuck out there then back in grinning.  "Uncle Xander nap.  Uncle Peter not fuss enough so he got sick."

"What is Xander dating this time?" Connor asked John.

"He's a very nice former agent and they quietly married recently."

Connor let his mouth close after a moment of being open.  "Not evil?  Not dangerous?  Not deadly?"

"When he wants to be I guess."  He smiled.  "Peter treats him very well and loves Olivia like his own."

"Huh.  Who would've thought that Xander would end up with someone nice."  He shook his head quickly.  Olivia hugged him and he hugged her back.  "You're the one that taught me cuddling was good for you."

"Wow.  I'm amazing and pretty," Olivia quipped, cracking the two older guys up.  "Should I tell the others?"

"Please," John agreed.  She got the swipe card and went down there.  She had to jump to get the card in but that was fine.  She was little.  She opened the door and stared around.  "Uncles!" she shouted.  Fred walked out from between shelves.  She grinned.  "'Nother uncle is here.  He used to go grr and chase me.  That's why I do it to the cats."

"Connor's here," she called, coming out with Olivia.  She hugged her.  "Thank you, princess."

"Didn't want to get lost like mommy is.  Then I'd have to have baby and Uncle Xander not ready for grandbabies yet.  Or grandpa."

"Not all mommies get lost," Fred said as they came off the elevator.  "Just yours.  It makes Willow more special."

"Nah-uh.  News says mommies get lost all the time."  She beamed at John.  "I yelled for them."

"Good job.  Get the grapes."  She ran to get them and came out to nibble and look at the book Uncle Sam had gotten her on how to write your letters.  She was tracing them with her finger for now.  It looked interesting and then she could talk to those people that liked her online.  They apparently knew she was smart and pretty so they must be nice and smart.

Fred smiled at the book.  "She'll have a lot of fun in school."

"We hope so," John agreed.  "Xander's napping outside."  The guys came off the elevator.  Gunn was damp.  "Pond?"

"Yup.  Fell in."  He shrugged.  "It happens."

"It's too big, I get lost down there and I'm not ready to make Grandpa have grandbabies yet," Olivia said.

John looked at her.  "Even if you got lost you're still too young to have babies so don't worry about that."

She stuck her tongue out and grinned.  "Someday I'll have to tell Uncle Sam's wife how mommies get lost too."

"Hopefully some year soon.  Or Dean's."

She shook her head.  "Kitty wife is too jealous right now."  She went back to her tracing and looking at words.  She loved words.  It was great her aunt and uncle both worked with words all the time.

Connor looked at them.  "You guys look like hell."

"Gee, thanks," Gunn shot back but he was smiling.  Fred pulled Connor up to hug him.  He got passed to Wes then Gunn.  "How was yours?"

"Dusty now.  They kept wanting me to lose my temper."  They sat down to talk.  John was helping Olivia.  Someone new came off the elevator.

"Hi, Unclie Mickey," Olivia called, waving at him and going back to her book.  "Uncle nap and snore."

"That's fine.  Someone Treasury stopped Uncle Peter," he told John.  Who nodded once.  "They wanted to do something about these new ones so he's going to be late taking them to talk to Beckett.  Though it might not help.  He might just shoot them anyway."

Olivia smiled and looked up.  "If Uncle Peter is that pissed off, I'll have to do something to help him.  I might even turn into Mommy."  John started to growl.  She smiled sweetly.  He pointed and she huffed but went to stand in the corner.  "I'd not need spanked or to get losted."

"That's not why your parents disappeared," John said firmly.  Xander woke himself up and walked in, finding her in the corner.  He looked at John.  "She vowed to become her mother if someone upset Peter."

"No, for those we have enforced naps."  He glared and pointed.  She huffed but went up to take one.

"She just said ...." Fred started.

Xander held up a hand.  "She's still trying to figure out why her parents got sent away," he said.  "I asked and was told that was a normal kid thing to figure out.  She's too young to understand that some idiot was jealous and did it for that reason."  He went to get some juice and batted Connor on the head.  "Did you get that artillery I sent?"

"Yup."  He grinned.  "It helped a lot."

"Figured it would.  I can hear you singing to the cats, Olivia.  I said punitive nap!"  Her room door slammed.  He shook his head and sipped his juice.  "We'll talk to her again later."

"She looked up like she was talking to a higher being," John said.

Xander checked his ceiling in case there had been a sudden painting applied up there then at him.  "Whichever of you has been teaching Olivia bad habits about how you call demons, I'm coming up there, cold and all!" he shouted.

"No thank you," a female voice said back.  "We'd hate that.  Thank you anyway, Guardian."

"No more warping Olivia," Xander growled.

"Of course not."

"Thank you kindly."

"You're welcome, even if you do sound like a Mountie on tv."

"Sure, make me write Mounties as demon hunters," he quipped.  The slight haze on the ceiling shuddered.  Xander and John both threw holy water on it, making her shriek and leave.

"Let me go talk to one of us in the Treasury," she said as she faded out.

"Olivia can tell demons," Xander told the LA group.  "Thanks for that blessing, Wes."  He walked off, going back outside.  "Connor, if you had anything left, you can put it back into the poker circuit."

"No, I used all the stuff you won in the kitten poker game and gave to the off-world arms dealers.  They're real happy that their revolution got won, overthrown again, and now the scholars are in charge.  Thankfully I didn't get sold as a concubine like most of the other warriors on that plane were."

"That might suck but it might depend on how good in bed they were," Xander quipped, getting back into his nest of blankets.  He got out and shut the porch door then went back to sleep.

John shook his head quickly.  "Damn it, I did not want those thoughts.  Though, there are Mounties who know about demons I'm sure."

Mickey looked up at the ceiling then at him.  "How long has that been there?"  They all shrugged.  "Huh.  Okay.  I'm going to go have a headache.  Night, all."  He left, rubbing his forehead all the way to the car.  So this is what an aneurism felt like when it burst.  Maybe he should cab instead.  Just in case he did pass out.  He sent a text message to his uncle, just to warn him there had been a demonic entity on his living room ceiling for at least a few hours.

***

Peter looked at his phone then called in a favor someone owed him.  "Please fix idiots in charge for him before I must," he said quietly.  "I know that is where it starts and I am about to have old style discussion with said being.  No, still sneezing.  Was napping on porch earlier to cool fever.  He insisted when I tried to argue."  He smiled as he listened.  "Please.  Thank you.  No, apparently there was something on the ceiling and Olivia caught it then told others.  Mickey did.  Thank you."  He hung up.  He looked at the staring agent.  "Cash will do me generous favor since I did not kill him for picking on me last month."

Beckett and Philips smiled at him for that.  "I'm sure that would make Xander feel better," she agreed.

"I hope so.  This cold is getting out of hand again."  He sat back down.  "Beyond that, why would same judge that hates him take over these?"

"Because he hates him," Philips said.  "We can't get that out of his bench."

"I can."  He smiled.  He texted someone else.  A few minutes later he got one back saying that the favor was canceled and the judge would not be harmed.  He put his phone up.  "There, someone will discuss with him why he hates Xander."

"Who?" Philips asked.

Peter smiled.  "His brother-in-law.  The one that owes all those poker debts that pissed the judge off."

"Oh."  He nodded.  "That might help, yes.  Especially with another possible battle next month."

"My former overseers seem to think there is one coming up in Siberia next year.  They decided to leave us alone so they can talk Xander into coming to help."

Philips shook his head.  "I don't want him in Russia.  The State Department either.  They don't really want him to go back to Germany or Central or South America."

"I have heard there is reason.  I have heard it was something like a case Cash and I were at odds over while working," Peter said.  Philips nodded once.  "Something about the Sepia Project."

He looked that up and grimaced.  "Not quite.  Though my boss said I can't tell you and Xander can't either."  He looked at him.  "He thinks you might turn evil."

"Not to what is mine.  It would help me protect him better.  Especially on overseas signing trips."

"You're going with him?" Beckett asked.

"Would be nice honeymoon and I can show him some places I liked."  He smiled.  "Plus back him up when we go see Olivia's paternal grandparents."

"That could yes," she decided.  She was playing with her pen.  "It means he wouldn't have to have a bodyguard."  Philips shook his head, staring at her oddly.  She smirked.  "He's very protective."

"No.  Homeland Security's doctrine of Xander Harris says that he must be accompanied by someone with at least Special Forces experience each time he leaves the US.  All trip plans, internal and external, are to be filed with me so I can make sure the local office is standing by in case he is attacked," Philips told her.  "The boss wrote it out formally and put it in the handbook, Beckett.  He made a short list of others who could use the same treatment.  There's seven that are under the Xander Doctrine right now."

Peter snickered.  "Cash said he had seen that and giggled himself sick one night.  Had to explain it to London a few times until she got it but his new boss said he added a name."

"They named it the Xander Doctrine?" Esposito said from his desk.

"Yes.  It's in there next to the Natasha one, for when we're seduced by female spies wanting information."

Beckett shook her head quickly to clear it.  "He's a cartoon fan?"

"Apparently," Philips agreed.  "The FBI was given the different Doctrines in case they wanted to add them.  The Xander one is classified and only Epps in LA got it.  He took it to one of their higher ups so they're all warned as well.  They'll call us."

Peter smiled.  "Should worry more since we heard rumors that someone wanted to make Sam the next Xander."

"He's already a seer, a warrior, and knows how to use weapons the same way Harris does, though I'm not sure about swords or his battle axe," Beckett said.  "What other way are they going to make him Xander?"  Peter shrugged.  "I'll have Faith listen for that."

"Kinella told me."

"Damn."  She called Faith to ask her.  Then she called John to warn him.  "Faith and Kinella are hearing rumors that someone wants to steal Sam to infect him with Xander's blood so they can have a second source of the chaos in case it's needed."  She hung up on the new swearing.  "John's not a happy former Marine."

"If so, we'll add him to the list," Philips complained.  He texted that to his supervisor, who sent back that they needed to find Sam and protect him.  "Any idea where he is?"

"At one of the college's libraries," Beckett said.  She texted him to call her now.  He did and she handed over the phone. She looked at Peter.  "Don't threat people like judges," she said quietly.

"I am not.  Though is an election year."  He smiled. "For someone who could appoint new head of Treasury as well."

"It is," she agreed.  Peter's phone rang and he looked then texted back.  "Good?"

"No.  Someone higher up is being bribed by his tentacle master."

Philips looked at him.  "Don't say that.  I don't want to know who in the upper reaches of the government made a demonic deal."

"The list of who didn't is probably shorter," Esposito said.  Ryan walked in with a suit bag.  "It fitted?"

"Yeah.  The last little bit is fitted."  He hung it up and sat down to stare at it.  "I still look like a dork in a tux."

"A lot of guys do," Beckett said.  "Almost no one but her is going to look at you anyway."

"Good point."  He looked at the meeting.  "Treasury trying again?  I saw one signing in when I walked past the desk."  She nodded.  They came off the elevator a few minutes later and the guys studiously got back to their paperwork.  Philips was still talking to Sam.

Beckett looked at the agent.  "Yes?"

"Detective Beckett, there's been some indication that a case that is on my desk at Treasury is also on yours," he said with a smile.

"No, I don't have a case that involves counterfeiting or anything."

"Unless you count your illegal locking of accounts," Peter said.  "Then perhaps."

"Are you a detective or agent?"

"Spouse."  He smirked.  "And former agent, yes."

"Oh."

"Also, do be aware that if persecution by the people who are tentacle toys continues, I will gladly move to Canada or England with my husband and our niece.  Which would take all his money with us."

"It's...."

Peter smirked and held up a card.  "Our present lawyer.  We recently switched.  You need to talk to him about such."  The man took it and winced.  Peter smiled.  "He is friend of mine from former agent days."

"Oh," he said quietly.  "Um... I didn't know Mr. Harris was married."

"Recently."

"Oh.  The government doesn't really recognize...."

"Mine does."

"I see."

"And Xander could easily make a nice home anywhere in Europe for us.  Might even move warehouse."

"No!" a demon said, appearing.  "You can't really move the entire warehouse, Peter.   Though there's two in Europe so they can switch if you want.  One's in Leningrad."  Peter gave her a funny look.  "Seriously."  She looked at the agent.  "Aww...  Who is your master's master, boy?  He's marked you."  The agent stiffened.  "It's so sweet that our people are all over your agency."  She smiled.

"They are making Xander mad by continuing to keep his money," Peter said.  "It means that baby can not see her grandparents next year and Xander must pay medical bills soon."

"Of course he should."

"We unlocked it," the Treasury agent said.

"No, you unlocked *one*," Beckett said.  "I checked for him."  The agent muttered and pulled out his phone to walk off talking to someone.

The demon smiled at Peter.  "Are you guys accepting wedding presents yet?"

"Must ask him.  I have no idea what you do with them."

"Hmm.  I would but he's still sick and most demons can catch his cold; it'll run through us like the black plague did your people."  Beckett winced.  "We have no idea why he's still sick.  We might have to prompt Tara into looking into it."  She looked at Peter.  "If you move him, he has to turn the warehouse over to someone who can handle it and then we can see if he'd like to take over one of the others.  Only one has a current true master."  She left.

Beckett called Tara.  "Check Xander for magical reasons why he's still sick please."  She hung up and rubbed her forehead.  "I wonder how many in Treasury are vowed."

Philips hung up.  "Winchester said eight higher ups.  They promised their staff."

"Aww, like Wolfram and Hart tried with us," she said meanly.

"Actually he thinks it may be them again," Philips said.  "So we're going to look into them.  They're clearly not good for the US."  He walked off happier.  It meant he got to destroy an evil thing.  It would make his month.

Peter shook his head.  "I hope such things are solved soon.  Xander needs less stress.  Before battles his muses go weird."

"Weirder?  Or really strange?  We've seen some bad things from his muses."

"He should see what happened when he got written into a Star Trek story a few months before they met," Ryan reminded her.

"Don't remind me," she ordered.

Peter looked at them then shook his head.  "Why was he in Star Trek?"

"Someone did some of that online stuff and wrote him in," Esposito asked.  "Ask him."

"I will when I feed him next dose of medicine."  He got up and went home to check on his husband.  The Treasury could fix itself without his input.  He hoped.

The detectives got back to work.  The Treasury guy could come back in a while to discover that Xander wasn't the enemy, like everyone else in the government.

***

Agent Philips looked at his boss's regional supervisor.  "Sir, the Xander Doctrine needs to be amended."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because Harris has married."

"Is this one evil?"

"Formerly KGB."

He stared at him.  "Is that a yes or a no?"

"Not as far as I can tell.  I have character references from agents he knew and worked with and against."  He handed over the statements he had gotten through Lorne Cash.  "Also, there's the discussion of if his husband can tell him why they need a bodyguard on all trips."

He considered them.  "He sounds decent."

"Shank isn't a bad man," he admitted.  "I've talked to him a few times.  He's very protective and possessive.  Xander went gushy that Peter had gotten someone that broke in instead of letting him do it.  Also, Harris has a massive cold so he's been babying him."

"Do we think that's something else?"

"No clue.  They'll look."

"Good."  He considered it.  "Have someone like Lam or his current doctor, one who knows, do a full blood workup.  He can see that as long as we're sure he wouldn't harm his new husband for that."

"I can do that.  Also, they're keeping the marriage quiet right now."

"That's fine.  I don't think I'll talk to a reporter about it," he said dryly.

"Thank you, sir.  Did you see the last one?"  He nodded once.  "I've warned him."

"Thank you.  Let me know if his name goes on the list."  Philips nodded and left.  "Nineteen former agents swore he was a decent being.  That's better than anything the boy's dated in the past," he decided.

***

Doctor Lam appeared, looking at Xander.  "You're still sick?"  He nodded, looking miserable.  "Agent Philips wanted me to do a full blood workup."  She stared at him.  "And see if this was something like the demon plague they tried to infect you with."

"Please?  I've been on antibiotics because my doc thought it was a lung infection.  Olivia got over hers."

"Okay.  Let me use one of our neat little scanners."  He moved the blankets and let her scan him.  What she saw amused her.  "Someone did some bad magic and this is your body fighting it."  She called Tara.  "Someone did something to him.  No, not like that bone.  Thank you."  She hung up.  "She'll do a protection and finish it later."

John Winchester came out to work one around his chair.  Suddenly Xander looked and felt better.  "What was it this time?"

"Curse of misfortune according to the scanner.  McKay got into it again."  They shared a look.  "Also, I have to draw blood."

"Can't the little scanner thingy do it?" Xander asked.  "Peter just got back and he's upstairs."

"Peter?" John called.  He came down the stairs.  "Olivia still napping?"  Peter nodded.  "Have you met Doctor Lam yet?"

"Briefly," he said, shaking her hand.

"Agent Philips said I was to run some blood work to check the current contaminants in it."  She chose that option on the scanner and read it.  She looked it over then handed it to him.

Peter read what was on it.  "How do I page down?"  She did that for him.  On the third page was the results that made his spine tingle.  "No wonder you must have bodyguard and is sealed so strongly," he muttered.  He paged down one last time and looked at his spouse, who shrugged.  "How?"

"Fell into a tomb once.  Once they stuck a bone shard into an open cut," Xander said quietly.

"You have a new one," she said, reading that part over.  "Varakt?"

"That's a demon flu," John said.  He went to get a book to show her.  She read it and got a needle sent to her.  She stuck him in the arm and then patted him on the head.  "Juice?"

"Lots and lots of juice once that curse is undone."  She smiled at Peter.  "I hope you two are going to be very happy together."

"I do as well.  How many know?"

"Myself, his local doctor, there's some sealed files from when they tried to make him spread that demon plague.  Epps has a copy because he has to listen on the west coast."

"Good!"  Xander pouted.  "Is a good reason to protect you as well."  He kissed him on the head.  "Fever is back I see."  She checked him again and wrote out a new medicine for Peter to have filled.  Then she went back to the base.  He handed that to John and stared at his mate once the porch doors were closed.  "Now that I know...."  He sat down on the foot of the chaise Xander was lounging in.  "It does not change things."

"Thank you."

"It is not a problem.  Was very wise to lock it away from everyone.  Especially with some who wanted to own you."  He patted him on the foot.  "Soon you will feel better and we will celebrate by going to dinner."  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Without baby."

"She has plenty of babysitters."

"I like that she does."  He winked and smiled.  "We should plan for bodyguard for foreign signing trip next summer."

"I was going to see if the guys that got me the last one could do it again."

"That might be nice, yes.  If not, I will see who is bored among others like myself and Lorne."  He took a kiss.  "Rest."  Xander nodded, snuggling in again.  Peter looked at the marks then at him.  "Why?"

"Curse of misfortune apparently."

"Tara's aunt?"

"Maybe.  Not real sure."

"Huh."  He texted Tara while he got his laptop then went out to write next to him.  It was  a pretty fall day.  "Are we decorating for the holidays?"

"I don't know," Xander admitted.  "I haven't really.  Last year I barely had Olivia and we weren't really in the mood to decorate.  Plus with her multi-religion thing going on I don't think Daniel did either."  He scanned the rooftops around them then looked at his mate again.  "Did you want to?"

"I try to at least have glass of eggnog, maybe a small tree.  Do you do Christmas?"

"I usually did it on Solstice since that's when the girls did because of Willow and Tara.  Last year she opened presents on Solstice.  I'm betting you do it like the Russian Orthodox church on January 6th?"  He nodded.  "So we can incorporate that."  He grinned.  "Tara takes her to the coven for the Solstice event.  I went with them.  If you want we can go to your nephew's church for theirs."

"That would please him."  He smiled.  "We will figure that out closer.  As long as you get better."  Xander snuggled back in and Peter settled in to write.

Xander looked at his phone when it beeped but he wasn't unsnuggling to answer it since it was a text message from Beckett.  If it was that important she'd call.  He was exhausted and whatever was in that shot was making him floaty-headed.  So it was clearly time for a nap.  He'd deal with the dancing thoughts of christmas trees, ornaments, and trains later.

***

Tara walked into her aunt's shop with three senior members of her coven.  They were there in case Tara lost her temper in a permanent manner.  She stared at her aunt.  "What did I tell you about leaving Xander alone?" she asked quietly.  Her aunt started to sneer.  "The Goddess is both gentle and fierce.  She's also got her protectors.  Every coven has a protector.  He is mine's protector."  Her aunt took a step back.  Probably because Tara's hair was starting to blow gently in the breeze that had just popped up.  Or maybe it was because she was starting to glow.  "Those of us who do Her will in the real sense, with the healing and the protecting, know that.  Clearly, someone hasn't read the Rede recently.  The three times rule is vicious when you wish someone harm."

"I'm not sure if his recent successes are because of that wish of misfortune or not," one of the elder members said.  "If so, it proves that things go rather oddly around him.  If misfortune is meant to find you a true, real mate, find you monetary success at your chosen career, and make sure that all your exes are demoned into shooting each other...  Well, I might not mind that myself."  Tara's aunt's coven started to come down from upstairs.  "No, you ladies stay.  Unless you were involved in that curse?"  Most of them backed up shaking their heads.

Tara smiled at them.  "She decided to curse Xander again.  I'm a bit ticked off."

"We can tell.  You glow like a power plant, dear," one of that coven said.

Tara smiled.  "It's the strength of will I found in Sunnydale."  She looked at her aunt again.  "We should have a talk."

"He's probably the father of your spawn," she sneered.  "That child will never be accepted by the Goddess."

"First, he's infertile thanks to being hit with mermaid essence," Tara said dryly.  "Secondly, I'm not pregnant yet.  I put off the appointment for my first insertion.  Oh, and I went with a frozen sample, not his.  He's like my brother and that's too icky for me.  Now, Sam perhaps.  He's offered."  She smiled at her aunt.  "My mother would be so very upset with you."  Her aunt was really looking scared now.  "Perhaps I should pull a Willow and call her back to talk to you?"  Her aunt shook her head.  "Are you certain?"  She moved closer.  "It's not all that hard.  With how pissed I am now, she might even be fully brought back."

"That's definitely one way to get Xander some fussing over," one of Tara's coven said.  "Dear, let us elder ladies talk."   Tara looked at her.  Tara's aunt tried to hit her.  Tara turned and punched her.

"No one hits me," Tara said a bit too calmly.  "I've found myself.  No one will ever hit me again."

Xander appeared with a concussive force.  A few shelves tipped over and a display table went flying.  "Wow, Willow's spell to protect you is strong."  He blew his nose.  Tara smiled at him.  "Ah, that reason.  Damn glad I wasn't in the bath yet."  He stared at her.  "There's ways of dealing with witches turning toward evil."  She shifted back, shaking her head.  "Oh, yeah, there is.  By the way, ladies of the coven of idiots?"  He looked at them, noting the sneering.  "You do remember that the Goddess has more than one form, right?  She's not just maternal, nurturing, and over the Earth?  That she's also over earthquakes, hurricanes, tornados?  That she usually had a warrioress aspect?"  They backed down.

"Why did you come, dear?" one of Tara's coven asked.  "You look like you feel miserable."

"I have a cold."  He looked at her.  "Willow put a spell around Tara to summon me or someone to help her if she was ever in physical danger she couldn't handle."

"Oh, I can handle it," Tara assured him.  "If she had actually hit me, she'd be very sorry."  She looked at her coven.  "My temper is climbing."

"I believe that's why it's so breezy in here," one of her coven agreed.

Tara looked up and sighed, muting it.  "Sorry."  She came to check over Xander.  "That cold is miserable."

"I'm going to use the sauna tomorrow if it's not better."  He grinned.  "Are you sure?" he asked quietly.  She nodded.  "I can stay and whip ass."

"No, this is a witch thing."

He kissed her on the forehead.  "You tell me if you need me.  Sweating from starting a burning pile of witch is still sweating."  She smiled and swatted him on the arm.  He got a cab and went home.  Peter was probably confused since he was drawing him a bath.

Tara looked at the head of her coven, shrugging some.  "Willow always thought I needed protected.  It's only happened once before and the demon that scared me begged.  She totally joined that demon convent because of it."

The older woman giggled.  "Xander in a rage can do that to normal folk too."  Someone else walked in and she stared.  "Did Willow's protection summon you too?"

"No, I'm here about the curse," Sam said.  He looked at the witches.  "We are the only hunters in New York outside the slayers.  Burning the bad ones is our duty.  Frankly, Dean and I locked Dad in a closet and I had Olivia distract Dean so I had this duty.  That way they wouldn't."  He walked in and looked at Tara, kissing her on the forehead.  "You missed some strands when you did your hair."  She swatted him too.  He grinned.  "Bad witches are bad witches, no matter what."

"It's possible she's possessed."

"No, it's not."  He patted her.  Then he nerve pinched her.  "Tara doesn't need this sort of trauma on her soul.  It's too pure to dirty that way."  The coven was staring at him.  "Witches who cause harm are dealt with by hunters if other covens can't."

"We can, dear," the elder witch assured him.

He kissed her on the forehead as well.  "We'll see."  She shivered but looked at the witch trying to get away from them.  Sam stared at her.  "You might want to end the one that's making the cold linger as well.  After all, that would expose more people to Xander's blood.  Since some unkind higher demon tried to make Xander spread a demon plague by infecting him....  Well, I'm sure that him being sick isn't raising that *too* much."  Tara's aunt ran to stop that one.

"I'd suggest if there were others, they be stopped too," Sam told the rest of that coven.  A few went to do that.  He looked at Tara's coven, smiling at them.  "We do like how well you guys help us protect this city.  You're very good and we know we can trust you guys.  Even when Dad's paranoid about those who make deals for their powers."  He looked around then pointed.  "There's a bigger one of those in the Warehouse Xander guards.  We thought it was like the carbonite scene from Star Wars."

The witches of Tara's coven looked then nodded.  "It probably does the same purpose," one decided.  "That's just a mouse that was sealed up."

"Xander guards what?" one of the other coven demanded.

Sam grinned.  "Xander inherited the warehouse.  If something happens to him, it goes to Dean and me."  A few were almost crying at that news.  "You thought he only lived overtop of it?"

"He does?" one asked.

Sam grinned and nodded.  "He built a wonderful house up there.  We've been staying at his place, and sometimes with Tara to give him and his guy some privacy."  Fred and Gunn walked in together.  "Hey, guys.  No Connor?"

"Connor's growling at the possessed mice that showed up to play with his hair," Fred said with a smile. She smiled at the others.  "Yes, some of us are back."  Two went running.  "Aww, it's nice you knew about that."

"We'll find out for you, Winifred.  Do calm down," one chided gently.  Sam grinned at her.  "Let us clean up the deplorable manners, ladies."  They waded in to clean up the problems, arrest that witch so they could hold a multi-coven talk about her. The only work they left running was a healing spell.  It looked like they had been working on it for a while and they'd never want to hurt an innocent who wasn't involved in this situation.  Sam and the two LA team members helped them clean things up and take the witch in custody back to their meeting house.

***

Paula walked up to where Xander was getting fast food for breakfast.  "Did you escape?"

"Eating on the way back home.  Everyone else is off doing something."  He looked at her before taking a bite.  "So I guess you heard, huh?"

"I did.  If that's a curse of misfortune, I'd hate to see one of good luck."  She sat down.  "I'm sure you're expecting to hear something like I'm dropping you but I'm not."  Xander relaxed.  She stared at him.  "Was it active when we switched over?"  He shrugged.  "I'll ask Sam.  It really was a very good decision for me.  As was taking you in."  She ruffled his hair.  Xander finished relaxing and then sneezed into the cheap napkins.  "Get that fixed.  You have an interview tomorrow."

"I am.  I'm actually a lot better."  She nodded.  "So we can't trace anything harmful professionally to it?"

"I think anything harmful you've handled.  Like that mother."  She rolled her eyes.  "Maybe it held back a few movie offers."  He smiled.  "It does make you more money to take Olivia shopping."

"One of Tara's coven told her about the mystical kingdom of Tiffany's.  She wants to go on a great quest to visit it and see how pretty they are."  He ate another bite.

"Thankfully that's a big word she can't read yet."  She patted him on the hand.

"Or else I'd have to do only best sellers for years," he agreed.  She smiled.  "Thank you for making me feel better, Paula."

"You're welcome, Xander.  Now, you're actually behind?"

"I've been miserable for over three weeks."

"I know.  Her birthday party?"

"Tomorrow."

"Oooh."  She winced.  "After your interview?"

"Yeah.  I think I rescheduled that for ten in the morning because of her party.  Octavia thought it was sweet and cleared it with Marigold."

"Even better."  She smiled.  "Get me something soon.  All I've gotten are smutty fantasy  novels."

"No, I gave you that one prince thing."

She stared at him.  "That was really smutty, Xander."

"Not that one.  The other one."

"What other one?"

"I sent it a few weeks ago by courier."

"Dig up the slip."   She got up and went back to the office to see if she could find it.  It was bad that a whole novel had went missing.  Someone might leak it to the press or something.  Xander texted her the receipt number as soon as he found it.  She called the courier company and they told her what it said.  She went to talk to that person.  They didn't work for her, or for her last company.  They weren't even publishers.  They were former factory owners as it turned out.  Wonderful!

Thankfully Xander still had a copy on his home system.

The End, for now.

Chapter 34: When Stuck In A Corner

There's a lot of corners in life that you never notice until you're stuck in one.  Note: Cannon death off-screen of minor character and injury of another.  Spoilers for Season 3 finale.  Some other minor angst from some returning people.

Xander stomped around his office, hands in his hair, pouty look on his face.  Most of the group was over to use the pool since it was barely warm enough to swim today and it was probably the last chance they'd have for a cookout until the middle of spring.  John was working the grill with Rick.  Martha, Alexis, and Tara were doing the rest of the kitcheny stuff.  Though that wasn't why Xander was having an angst attack.  Peter was staring at him.  "Rick wrote me into a corner."

"For?" he asked.

"That shared series?  He wrote me into a corner where I have to write the sex scene."  He frowned.  "I know nothing about how usual women have sex."  Peter gave him a pointed look.  "It's been a while, all the girls I dated were multi-orgasmic or at least not begging for mercy until the third hour, and if I write it like I would have sex it's going to get really raunchy."

Rick leaned in with a smirk.  "Problems?"

"That depends, do you want me to make you look like you like being on your knees?" he shot back.

Rick cackled.  "There's a time and place for it."

"I can only write how I've had sex with women and I doubt the person the character's based on will be like them."

"Ask Mother then."  He shrugged and walked off.

Xander walked out and looked at Tara.  "How do normal, non-bad girls have sex?"

Tara blushed, shrugging.  "I don't know how girls who like boy parts do it.  Why?" she squeaked.

"Rick wrote me into a corner so now I have to do the sex scene this time and I have no idea how non-bad girls have it."

"We're definitely less loud," she said dryly, cracking Peter up.  Kevin Ryan was snickering too.  "Ask him.  He has one."

"Who's making me sleep on the couch right now," Kevin shot back.  "She said I was being an asshole the other night."

"Bro, can't you fix that?" Javier Esposito asked.  "Before you get that alarming neck cramp that nearly made you eat someone last year?  Your couch is not comfortable."

"I'm on hers."

"That's smooshy and even worse," he assured him.  "What did you do?"

"Nothing mushy enough apparently."  He sipped his water.  "I don't know, Xander.  Make them less slutty, less loud, and make them not get on top as much as some of yours liked to?"  Xander leaned over to hiss in his ear.  "Oh!"  He nodded.  "Well...."  He and Esposito shared a look.  "It's for *that* series."

Javier winced.  "She's going to skin you alive."

"Which is probably why he left it to me."  He got a bottle of soda and walked outside.  "Beckett, I'm due to write the sex scene in the new detective and baby series," he called as he walked up the stairs.  John groaned.  So did Sam and Dean.

She looked at him.  "I'm nowhere near as kinky as any of your former women, Xander.  Remember that."  She glared at Rick, who grinned back.  "Woosed out?"

"No, I want to see what he can do since the smutty fantasy series got him sent chocolates by some of his fanclub."

Xander nodded.  "They did like that."  He sipped his soda.  "By publishing rules I can't put in any whips, chains, more than the basics of light bondage, or anything else that kinky but I'm *really* sorry in advance."

She awkwardly patted him on the arm.  "Make it less than smutty.  Castle can put one in later."

"Sure, I can try that."  He stretched up then took off his t-shirt so he could dive in.

"No!" Olivia ordered, scowling at him, hands on her hips.  "No jumpy!  Get hurt!  I have to fuss!"

"I won't get hurt," he promised.  "Why aren't you in your swimsuit?"

"She refuses to go to the bathroom first," Sam said.

"Go potty so you can jump in with me."  She huffed but ran to do that.  He rolled his eyes.  They'd get Olivia potty trained sometime this decade.  Hopefully before she started school.  Even if he had to write words on her underwear so she'd sit in there and read them.  Maybe that was the way to go, put her books in there so she had some reading time without adult supervision?  He looked at Rick, who shrugged.  "What if we teach her the fine art of bathroom reading?"

"That might be the only way she'll learn to like the bathroom and potty," Rick agreed, shaking his head slightly.  "I'll have Mother tell her about that later."  He stripped off his shirt and sat down on a lounger.  Olivia came out wearing her favorite swimsuit.  Rick smiled.  "It looks like you'll have to get a bigger one for when we can swim this spring."

She smiled.  "Pretty?"

"Very pretty."  He patted her on the head.  "Go ahead and pounce him."  She cackled evilly - like her new uncle Mickey had taught her to do - and took a running pounce at her uncle.  He caught her, tickling her.  She swam away from him, spitting back at him.

Dean climbed in and helped her.  They needed at least two of them in the pool to guard her.  "Swim to me, 'Liv."

She swam around him and then over to the side to pout at the aunties talking about silly stuff that didn't make anyone pretty.  Who cared about shoes?  Beckett laughed and brought Lanie with her to jump in.  That made Olivia happy and she looked at their swimsuits.  "Very pretty."  She smiled.  "You need bigger boobies though," she told Lanie.  "Missy said her boyfriend hated small ones."  She swam off.

Lanie shook her head and Xander groaned.  "My boyfriend likes them, Olivia.  Don't worry about it."

"They make pretty things for that.  The tv say so," she told her.

"I know.  I've seen them.  Some day we'll help you pick some out."  Olivia grinned and pouted at Sam until he joined them.

"If I had known New York women were so built, I'd have moved here years ago," Dean teased with a smirk for the ladies.  Beckett punched him on the arm.  "If you had a younger sister that was more interested in playing than keeping, I'd be on them in a heartbeat, ladies."  Lanie laughed and punched him on the arm too.

"I'd have to remind her that keeping you tied down would be mean," Beckett taunted back with an evil smirk of her own.

"Maybe," he agreed.  "Though some girls do seem to like the tying down stuff sometimes."  He shrugged.  "I go with whatever they want most of the time.  It makes them happy and get off more often."  Both women swatted him.  "That way they invite me back for more than a look at their drawings."

"Etchings," Lanie, Beckett, and Rick all said together.

"Whatever.  They're still drawings," Dean shot back.  He smirked.  "I did get offered some time to help one nice young thing get some art practice in."

"Tell Meredith I said hi," Xander quipped with a wave at him.  "And that I'm happy now."

"Figures," Dean complained.  "Is she sane?"

"Ish," Xander offered with a grin.  "She is very good at drawing though.  The painting above the tv was done by her."

"Then I guess I can still be her body model as long as she's not going to turn into a stalker or something," Dean sighed, shaking his head.

"Is good I am sane and not the jealous sort," Peter teased from the edge of the pool.

Xander grinned at him.  "It is, even though there's not that many left."

"Outside of jail," Beckett quipped.

Peter pulled off his shirt and stared at his husband, who was staring back but not at his eyes.  Apparently his abs looked very nice today with the way Xander was staring.  He dove in and swam over next to Olivia to pick her up and cuddle her.  "You should go entice Rick to come in."

She looked around.  "Rick!  Come be pretty!" she yelled.  The others all laughed.

"I'm having a lot of fun admiring the prettiness you all have," he said from his seat.  Beckett rolled her eyes but splashed him.  He took off his sunglasses and shirt, plus sandals, then dove in.  He swam over to Olivia and took her to tickle.  She kicked him and swam away with a cackle.  She hid behind Dean, peaking out at them.  Rick smirked at her.  "Go potty.  You can be in there with a book for ten minutes as long as you're on the potty."  She squealed and swam for the edge, running inside.

"That may be the only way," John agreed from behind the grill.   "Tara, give her ten minutes of reading time," he called down the stairs.

"I can do that."  She carried up a tray of veggies.  Then she went back down to change and check on Olivia.  By the time she was redressed, it was time for Olivia to finish up.  "If you go potty, I'll bring a new book home for you tomorrow to keep in here."  Olivia suddenly had to go pee.  It was a beautiful thing.  She helped clean her up and they went up to the pool again.  Alexis was wearing a modest two-piece suit.  Tara had her own version of it and Martha had on a one-piece that made her look nice plus a hair cover.  Olivia ran into the pool and came up spluttering but swam off to bother Dean.

Xander shook his head, lounging against the side of the pool in a pose that was getting appreciative looks from Peter.  "I found the most disturbing fashion the last time I went with her," he told Tara.  She looked at him.  "I saw tiny, padded, push up bra looking swimsuits for kids about seven or eight."

"That's gross," she complained.

"She was looking at the padded training bras too.  Complete with underwire."  They shared a look.

"I'd never let her wear one of those," Tara said.  "Or a padded one.  She won't need it."  She took Olivia to cuddle and then released her to go tease Rick and Beckett into playing with her and Alexis.  The others watched, lounged, and got comfortable.   Eventually they got out to eat and Olivia to read while eating.  She had stolen Rick's ebook reader to read.  The others let her because it made her happy and smarter.  Plus Rick wouldn't let her have anything too adult.

***

A few days later, Xander walked up to the station and inside, going upstairs.  He dropped a manila envelope on Beckett's desk.  "I warned Paula I had no idea how to write a subtle sex scene within the publishing guidelines.  I put a note on the top of the manuscript.  She said you have to edit it because I have no idea what real women are like and she thinks you'd want to read it anyway."  He put his hands in his pocket.  "It has to be non-graphic, and be subtle but live up to Rick's standards without being trashy, which apparently was my problem.  Paula was sweating when she gave it to me."  He shrugged slightly and grinned.  "So can you proofread and give me suggestions?"

"Sure, Xander.  Just the one?"

"No, there's three total.  One's a thank god you survived, one's a sudden thing that they later deny, and one's a ruse."  He shrugged again and grinned.  "Thanks, Beckett."  He hurried off before she changed her mind.

She opened it to look at the note on the top.  Paula had written out the guidelines for her. That was helpful.  "Nothing too graphic, nothing above a soft R rating, please pare it back so 'come' is spelled with an 'o'," she read, shaking her head.  She pulled up the first of the paperclipped sections.

"There's three?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah.  I'm not sure why the 'thank god you survived' one happens yet.  One of them included the lead up to it too."  She kept glancing over it.  Yeah, it was going to make her sweaty too.  "Did he write it for Penthouse?" she complained.

"He probably expected her to pare it down again," Javier said with a smile.  "It good?"

"Some but this is you and Lanie."  He groaned.  "Why aren't you in this, Ryan?"

Kevin smirked.  "I asked not to be.  Instead I'm one of the warrior mages in the new series."

She shook her head.  "I don't want to know."  She went back to reading.  Yeah, he had to cut that down a lot.  She had seen less explicit pornos.  Especially with the groping going on.  The guys rolled their chairs over to read over her arms.

"I wish I had young guy stamina that way," Javier joked.

"Especially since it's a ten page sex scene, bro," Kevin joked back.

"I don't think they're being too realistic about things being sent to the station," she complained.  They took it to look over.  Kevin texted Xander, who sent one back.  He looked up that story.  He showed her.  She groaned.  It had happened in LA.  "Okay," she decided, bundling it back up.  "I'll go over that after work."

"If you need help, let me know since I'm still on the couch.  Even though I tried to be mushy and sweet," Kevin said.

Beckett looked at him.  "Mood swings starting early?" she guessed.

"Hell no!" he snorted, giving her a dirty look.  "I'd have to take a few days to have some snipping reversed for that, Beckett."

She smirked.  "Good to know."  He grinned back.  "What did you forget?"

"I have no idea and she won't tell me."

"She was talking to Tara during the pool party," Javier said.

Kevin texted her and groaned.  "She heard those rumors."  Esposito groaned and shook his head too.  "I'll get that straightened out later now that I know why she's giving me dirty looks."  He put his phone back up.

"She'll learn that most partners don't sleep together soon enough," Beckett said.  It figured, it really did.

***

Beckett went to Rick Castle's house that Sunday, hitting him with the same envelope.  "I helped Xander tone it down.  Because I don't think some of that is possible and Paula said even if it was it was too graphic."  She walked off blushing.

He opened it and went to his office to read it.  The foreplay was nice.  Beckett's suggestions were good ones.  Then it devolved into very blunt force oral sex description.  She had crossed it out and put a note to the side to condense it since most good girls don't usually get three hours of oral sex.  Which was giving Rick thoughts he should be hiding in his room with. Inside was a CD so he pulled it out and went over the sex scenes.  The lead ups were good.  He did tone it down some, and take out two and a half hours of oral sex, but he left a lot of the structure alone.  It was still mostly blunt but more vague.

Though he did doubt that Beckett's character had a labia piercing.  The thought was making his insides wobbly and clench.  He couldn't see her doing that.  Maybe a hoodie piercing on a dare in college.....  He got up and took the sex scenes upstairs to have that thought in private.  Before his daughter caught him having dirty thoughts while writing.  He'd never hear the end of it.  His mother would only give him a pointed hint that perhaps he should act on it instead of hiding in his room but he didn't need that either at the moment.

He laid down on his bed, going over the scene for Javier and Lanie's characters.  The lead up was a good attack he had written in.  Xander had preserved it and added some details he would need to tone down so no one could replicate it.  Them having a 'thank god you survived' moment in the elevator and showers was a good read.  He could definitely see Javier going hyper protective and touchy over her if it had happened.  She would be the reasonable one and steer them out of the elevator, like Xander had written.

Rick would have to move it to a storage room at the end of the changing area bathrooms.  That was too open.  Javier would be hyper protective and want them out of the way of anyone getting near her.  He could see him checking her by running his hands over her arms and legs, then kissing her and checking her stomach and chest.  Which would then turn into comfort/you're alive sex.  Maybe on top of some boxes in there?  Her pulling over a spare towel to bite on so no one heard them.  Then he did the classy thing and turned them around so she was planted on his lap and he could hold her.  Which was touching and nice of him to do.

He put it aside and moved to the next one.  It was them in the ruse to catch whoever had sent that drug bomb to the station.  Xander had totally changed her outfit on him.  Now, instead of the outfit he had picked out that was subtly enticing, she was in a strapless knit dress that ended mid-thigh and her usual heels.  Her hair was pushed back with a comb to keep it off her face and her ears.  It left her neck open and a good target for some teasing.  Since they were in a club, Rick was having to get close to be heard.  He was taking the time to nuzzle her throat - all for the cover of them being together - and sneak in little nipping bites to her lower throat area.

Xander had them going with the music, the bass beat driving their hip thrusts through the clothes.  It was hot how they were dry humping to the music.  Then they were interrupted by the bad guy trying to leave the club.  Xander had written it fairly realistically that it was hard to run with a hard-on.  He moved to the other one.  It was graphic but good.  He had went to her to check on her, because she had a really horrible day at the station.

He knocked and got let in.  She's wearing some ratty sweats with sweaty hair pulled back in a sloppy ponytail.  All his character could see was the sweat making her skin shiny and probably tasty.  He finally leaned in to lick off a bead of sweat.  She flinched and started to move but he held her and kiss her for real, their first real kiss.  She starts to pull away but he pulls her back in, being a bit pushy.  She finally gives in during the kiss and lets him pull down her hair.  He wound a hand into it and pulled her in for another kiss.  It got heavier from there, with her making the decision that standing in her living room was going to cause problems for them.  She led him to her bed.  He was shivering.

She was being subtly dominant but letting him make a lot of the moves too.  It was well balanced.  It was hot how she was stripping them both off.  He wasn't the sort to lay there and take it but it was looking like fun.  He finally took charge and ... well, Xander's love of oral sex had come back.  He could imagine holding her legs up so she couldn't strangle him as she got...happy.  It was definitely a happy thought for him.  He let it warp to what he'd usually be doing.

He wasn't one of those guys that liked to prove he was a sexual olympian by using every single position he knew, but it was always good for whoever he was with.  She was squealing and squeaking at him when he finally gave up on teasing her with his tongue and moved up slowly, lapping and kissing up her stomach and chest.  He paused to play with her breasts but then kissed her for real as he slowly slid inside her.  She ordered him into a condom, which he didn't mind.  She even helped him put it on.  Then he pounced.

She moaned against his mouth. He pulled one of her legs up over his butt and teased her for now.  He needed to work her back up to the insanity point that would let him do something very simple yet very effective.  She finally got very close and one of the hands he was using to stroke her moved down to touch her clit.  She muttered a swear and arched up.  He thrust in harder and deeper.  She came and he followed because that twitching was one of his favorite feelings in life.  She panted.  He nuzzled her throat and chin with his chin, putting little kisses along her shoulderblade.  She went limp with a moan.  So did he in reality.

He would ignore that Xander had written that she kicked him out soon afterwards by saying it was a mistake.  Beckett might but he was sure it'd be fine in a later book.

He hoped.

***

Rick walked up to Xander after he got done with the edits, staring at him.  "Why did you change the end?"

"Because that way people can imagine why she was there in a trenchcoat, what she was wearing underneath, and if there was some apologizing or just a talk."  He grinned.

"Thanks."  He patted him on the head.  "It was a good ending and left it a great cliffhanger."  He got his own fruit from the groups in front of them.  He and Xander finished grocery shopping.  "Any luck with Olivia's potty training?"

"She'll sit in there, naked on the potty, and read.  She'll use it sometimes without realizing it.  So now it's 'you go and get ten minutes'.  It's helping some."

"She'll eventually get to the point where she hates being changed."

"She already does.  She'd love to never wear another diaper but it keeps escaping her notice that she needs to pee.  Even on a schedule."

Rick shrugged.  "Ask the doctor?"

"I have.  She said the same thing and talked to Olivia.  She decided the schedule would help."  He grimaced, looking around.  He nodded at someone.  "Got any good suggestions for Olivia and potty training?"

"Not a one, Alexian."  The reporter smiled.  "Was this a planned meeting?"

"I was helping Rick with a scene earlier and he showed up to say thank you and ask why I had added something."  Xander grinned.

"Aww, that's so sweet."  She walked off.  She had spotted Peter.

Mickey looked at her when she walked closer.  "Yes?"

"Peter, when is your second book coming out?"

He stared at her for a minute.  "I'm his nephew, Mickey."

"Oh.  Sorry."

"But I know he's writing the tenth chapter this week.  He was frustrated at a secondary character he really wanted to kill off."

She smiled.  "That's good to know.  Thank you."  She winked and walked off.  She could flirt with that one.  He was clearly as good as Peter was and hopefully straight.  She'd love to have a guy like Peter between her thighs.  He looked very...exciting.

Mickey shook his head quickly, heading to check out and ran into Rick and Xander.  "She's flirting with Uncle Peter?"

"No, because she knows I'd kill whoever drugged him so he cheated."

Mickey smiled.  "That's good to know.  My mother wanted you guys over next week sometime?"

"Sure," he said with a shrug.  "Ask Peter.  I can always talk Olivia into dressing up."

"I'll have her call."  He walked around them and checked out, heading back to his apartment.

Rick and Xander shrugged at each other and checked out, heading home too.  It was more than time for some distraction work for Xander.  His current novel was stuck in a really awkward spot.  Peter was napping so he put things up and texted Kevin Ryan to see if he needed help with his fiancee.  He needed suggestions so Xander said to meet him at his place later.  They could set up something nice to make Jenny see Kevin was more into her than his partner.

Xander went candle shopping because he knew women liked candles during sex.  Even Buffy had.

***

Kevin opened the door and took some of the bags from Xander's hands.  They moved into the bedroom, Kevin remaking the bed, Xander putting 'mood lighting' around the room.  Including warming some scented candles that smelled good and musky.  Kevin grinned, going to look in his closet.

"Shirt and pants, unbuttoned.  No belt to get in the way.  Bare feet unless they're gross," Xander told him quietly.

Kevin grinned.  "Thanks, Xander."

"Not a problem. I haven't had a chance to use these ideas except in a story and I can't write smut in my genre."  He grinned and stepped back.  He lit one of the candles since he could hear someone coming up the hallway.  He winked and climbed out the window and down the fire escape.

Kevin finished lighting things, laying down when Jenny opened the apartment door.  He put one hand behind his head and the other was undoing the top few buttons on his shirt.  She walked in and paused, staring at him.  He grinned.  "I'm told that you got some bad intel," he said quietly.  "And that I clearly needed to prove that I'm het and only into you."

She looked around then at him.  "Did Rick Castle help you?"

He grinned.  "Xander.  He was warped a lot by the women in his life."  He sat up and motioned her closer.  "You look uncomfortable in that dress."  She blushed but shook her head.  He got up and helped her out of it, tossing it into the wash basket in the closet.  That left her in her slip, pantyhose, shoes, and underwear.  He slowly moved the slip up her body while he kissed her, then pulled it off and tossed it into the basket too when she caught her breath.  He walked her back to the bed, taking her shoes off and tossing them aside.  He stripped down to his underwear then laid down to kiss and grope her.  She moaned and let him.  She was going to let him do whatever he wanted to prove he was into women.

***

Esposito answered his phone the next morning.  It was seven, there was a body scene.  His other partner wasn't there yet.  "Bro, are you MIA?" he asked dryly.  Beckett looked over.  "You did what?"  He nodded once.  "Okay.  And you're missing why?"  He winced.  "So I take it you're off the couch?"  He grinned at Beckett.  "Good to know.  Tomorrow?  Yeah, I'd have fun with the chiropractor."  He hung up.  "He was proving his heterosexual nature to her," he said dryly.

Beckett smirked.  "Wonderful.  Threw out his back?"

"Putting out the bra that he accidentally lit on fire on a candle Xander helped him set up.  But she babied him all night and she had to call off work because she couldn't sit."  She snickered, shaking her head.  "Literally.  I heard her moaning in the background while trying to sit.  She was complaining that he had taken his vitamins."

"That's sweet in a way.  He'd better get a doctor's excuse."

"He's got a chiropractor appointment at ten and said he'd try to be in this afternoon.  Jenny said he was because she needed a long, hot bath to soak her own sore spots."  He walked off shaking his head.

"Was there a lot of damage from the candle?" she asked.

"No, just her bra.  He was apparently tossing it aside and it hit a candle.  It was polyester so it went up.  He told her he'd buy her a few new ones when she complained it had been comfortable."

She nodded once.  "I'd do the same thing."  She got back to work.  Sometimes young love was too cute and made her stomach flip over.  Rick Castle walked onto the scene and handed her a cup of coffee.  "Thanks, Castle."

"Welcome."  He looked around.  "Did Ryan get injured?"

"Slightly."

"Awww.  Xander was worried she might not like the candles."

"No, she liked them until one burned her bra."

"Oops."  He shrugged.  "I'm sure Xander would volunteer Tara and Olivia to help her find something pretty."  She smacked him on the arm.  He smirked and went to help look for clues.

Beckett shook her head.  Castle was in strange mental territory again.  It was almost as stomach flipping as young love.

***

Paula walked up to Beckett that afternoon.  "Couldn't you make him tone it down any more than that?"

"I gave them suggestions and gave it back to Castle," she said, looking confused.  "Did he make it worse?"

"Yes."  She let her see it.  Beckett started to blush.  "It's definitely not Xander's idea of what happened."

Beckett handed it back almost delicately.  "Tell your authors to quit having smutty minds.  One's married."

"Peter read it and pounced Xander.  No hope there."  She huffed but walked off to find Rick.  She could hear him somewhere on the floor.  "Rick!"  He looked over from talking to another officer.  "I said to tone it down, not make it more smutty."  She handed him the papers.  "You can't get that published in that format."  She huffed off.

Rick looked it over and shrugged, folding it up to hold closed.  "I'll work on it later."  The officer was giving him a look.  "Sex scene."

"Oh.  I guess that would have to happen."  He walked off shaking his head.

Rick went back to Beckett's desk.  She stared at him.  "What?"

"That wasn't what Xander wrote," she said quietly.

"Each man has his own needs, wants, and likes," he quipped with an evil grin.  "I have no idea why Xander likes giving oral sex for three hours."

She shuddered.  "That's much too long.  Maybe that's why they were all evil."  She shook her head quickly.  "How are you going to tone that down?"

"Cut a page of groping probably."  He sat down with one of his pens to work over the scene.  Though it was still making him way too warm.  Even with Beckett watching.  Maybe especially because she was watching.  That led to areas she wouldn't let him explore.

The minions walked in and paused.  "Did Paula tell you to make me cut down the smut too?" he joked.

"Yup," Ryan said with a smirk.  "We read the original."

"Damn," Esposito agreed.  "No wonder Xander's women went evil."

Rick snickered but nodded.  "I changed it to more normal, less evil making smut but she said it's still too much."  They shook their heads on their way to their desks.

Beckett shook her head too.  "I'm pretty sure it's only Xander that can turn women evil, Castle."

"Thankfully Peter's over his evil phase," he quipped back.

"Hopefully."  She handed him something to work on and got into her own paperwork.  She hated paperwork but it'd keep her late that night and she might have a date.

***

Olivia decided she wanted to be sneaky.  She had to help the unclies who weren't feeling very pretty or happy.  One had to wear the pretty dress in a few weeks and he was about to pounce a wall in frustration or something silly like that.  That's what her uncle had said but she didn't understand it yet.  So she had to do something nice.  She only had to figure out what.  She knew what calmed her down but even making him read to her hadn't calmed him down too much.

So instead she'd have to find another way.  Her Auntie had said they were making muffins for them so she could deliver it then.  Now if only she knew what sort of toys made you happier.  She doubted he liked blocks like she did.  Or even the big building ones that her uncle gave her.  Or her nerf gun that Grandpa had gotten her.  Though it was a fun toy.  She looked at her auntie.  "We give Uncklie Kevin nerf gun?" she asked.

Tara smiled and shook her head.  "I don't think a nerf crossbow will help him calm down.  It's normal to be nervous.  Getting married is a huge thing and almost everyone gets nervous."  She stroked over Olivia's messy hair.  It was windy outside and they had been preparing the plants for winter.

"He needs to calm down."

"He will once the wedding's done with.  Most people do."

Olivia snorted.  "Needs to calm down first."  She went to look at her toys.  Nothing in there was something one of the boys at daycare would play with so she doubted Uncklie Kevin would like them.  Her Uncle Peter and Uncle Xander were napping like silly, big kids because Uncle Peter had the sniffles and Uncle Xander was spoiling him, which was a good thing since it'd mean Olivia could fuss over others who needed it.  He had taught her so he had a good level of it.  She considered it.  Her uncle had toys.  She had no idea where.  She snuck into their room.

Peter lifted his head to look at her.  "Looking for lost toys," she said with a grin.  He pointed at the closet.  She went to look.  No, more Olivia toys, not Uncle Xander toys.  She carried them back to her room.  The next time she came to play with Uncle Xander on the bed she'd probably want something else anyway.  Uncle Peter went to the bathroom so she snuck in to look at other things.  There were strange things in their bedside table that held the puzzle books.  She took one of those because it might help.  Underneath were a lot of strange looking things.

She heard Peter flush and grabbed two, hiding them under her shirt before closing the drawer and hurrying back to her room.  She packed her backpack for daycare with that and a few other toys that her new auntie might like.  She was a girl so she'd like dollies probably.  She went down to help Tara finish her baking of muffins.  Muffins were great and would make everyone feel better.

Tara looked at the backpack then at her.  "Books?"

"Yup."  She grinned.  Tara gave her a hug and they finished filling the last muffin tray.  The others were cooling down.  Tara gave her one to nibble on.  They were nice spicy pumpkin ones and had some frosting thingy on top that made it even better.

"Finish up and go change," Tara said when she pulled out the last tray.  "You have twenty minutes to get pretty."

Olivia snorted.  "Not need that long."  She finished her muffin on her way up to her room and bathroom.  Her hair was a mess.  That would take longer than finding something pretty to wear.  It always did when she had tangles.  Peter walked in to help her when she started to make frustrated sounds.  "Down please," she said with a grin for him.

"If you wish."  He gave her a hug and got the dress she wanted down for her.  He went to steal a muffin for him and Xander, then went back to bed.  This was clearly a girl event.

***

Tara walked Olivia into the station with a smile.  "We're cheering up the detectives."  The desk sergeant let them sign in and head upstairs.  They came off the elevator with a smile.  "Someone is stressed out," she teased, kissing him on the head like she would a brother or Xander.

"Thanks, Tara."  He took the muffin box and looked in, taking a deep sniff.  "Oooh, those pumpkin ones you made.  Thanks."  He beamed at her.  She smiled back.

Olivia handed him her backpack with a wink.  "Books to help you feel happier."  She beamed at Beckett, taking her and Uncle Rick muffins.  "Auntie made muffins."

"You and she make very good muffins," Beckett praised, smiling at her.

Olivia bounded over to feed the captain and then Esposito.  The only other detective currently on the floor got one too.  "Not know you yet but you need happies too.  That way you feel pretty."  She smiled and bounded off to pounce her uncle.  "When you wear the pretty dress?"

"Only Jenny's wearing the pretty dress," he assured her.  "After the wedding I'll give Uncle Javier my scary research cabinet since I won't need it."  She giggled and hugged him then handed him her backpack before dancing off.

"She decided you guys were too stressed out."  Tara pushed her hair back.  "Don't go far, Olivia, and no petting the working doggy."

"I not.  Talking to him."

She shook her head.  "Let me save the dog.  We're going to check on her cousin and then hit the park for a pony ride."  She left, saving the poor dog from Olivia before she started to read to him too.

"She left her backpack?" Beckett asked.

"She said it was books to make me calmer.  She talked me into reading to her the other day because she said it'd make me calmer."  He looked inside and blushed, doing it back up.  "I don't think those are all books."  He texted Tara.  It took a minute but Tara texted back.  "She decided I needed some toys to make me happier and her toys wouldn't work.  She left the two dolls for Jenny to play with, gave me one of Xander's word search books, and two of his toys to keep me calm."

"It's not even your bachelor party, bro," Javier cackled, shaking his head.

"I'm not sure if I should be shocked or not," Rick said, considering it.  "Alexis once gave one of my Playboys to a teacher because she needed happier reading and I was happier and giggling at some of the comics in it."

Beckett stuffed her mouth with some of the muffin before she said anything.

"I'll give them back to Xander later, on the way to dinner," Kevin said, tucking the backpack into his desk drawer.  His fiancee texted him so he told her why Tara had apologized.  "Jenny said that's very cute of Olivia, and she probably thought he had normal boy toys instead of girl toys."

"I'd call those normal gay guy toys," Rick agreed.  "I'm sensing that Olivia's going to be grounded tomorrow though."  The others all nodded.

Olivia did bring life to their boring lives at times.  Sometimes a bit too much like her uncle did though.

***

Peter and Xander both flinched awake when his phone rang.  "What?" Xander answered.  He listened then flipped over to look in his drawer.  "He has the naughty word search book too, Tara.  Um....  I can get them from him.  No, she's grounded.  A lot.  Thanks."  He hung up and groaned, laying back.  "When did Olivia sneak into the drawer?"

"She was in here looking for her lost toys when I got up to go to the bathroom and secure the muffins."

Xander looked at him.  "She got into the toy drawer too."  Peter winced.  "She decided Kevin Ryan needed some toys to calm him down and those were the only boy toys she knew about apparently."  Peter burst out cackling.  "Gave two of her dolls to Jenny to help her calm down too."  He covered his head with a pillow.  "I clearly need a lock on that drawer."

"At least it was an innocent offer," he said.

"I know."

Peter moved the pillow and kissed him.  "Her warping is not your fault."

Xander grinned.  "Are you sure?"

"Quite.  She is not fandom geek."  Xander smiled and took another kiss.  "I should make Mickey talk to her about that because he is being a whiny pain again."

"His boss not flipping him over enough?"

"No clue," he admitted.  He found his phone and sent that to his nephew.  Olivia and Tara both needed guarded some of the time.  Just in case someone tried something.  Then he made his flu feel better by pouncing his husband.  Having the house to themselves was a great thing.

***

Mickey walked up to Tara, handing her a bottle of water for each of them.  "What happened?  Uncle Peter said to come watch you guys."

Tara shrugged.  "I haven't felt a threat yet.  I've been nagging Olivia about stealing from her uncle's toy drawer though."

Mickey looked at the girl.  "What did you do?"

"Uncklie Kevin needed to be happier.  He was upset and frustrated, Uncle Xander said so.  So I gave him boy toys.  He wouldn't like my girl toys, but I did leave two for Auntie Jenny to play with.  That way they're happy.  Now Auntie Tara is mean."  She pouted at her aunt.

"Keep it up and we're going home now."

Mickey shook his head.  "*Toys*?"  Tara blushed but nodded.  "Olivia, boys like Uncle Kevin would like things like building blocks.  Like legos."

"Nah-uh!"  She shook her head quickly.  "The boys at daycare don't.  So I gave him toys like Uncle Xander likes since he's a boy too."  She smiled.  "I'm being good!"

"You tried awfully hard," Mickey assured her.  She pouted at him.  "Next time, give him legos."

"Fine."  She stamped a foot.  "Still not grounded."

"Bet me," Tara told her.

"But!" Olivia whined.  Tara stared at her and she huffed, running off.  "You're mean!"

"Get back here," she called.  Mickey managed to catch her and bring her back.  "You do not run from whatever adult you're with, Olivia Marie Rosenburg," she said firmly.  "That is very bad."  Olvivia sniffled and pouted at the ground.  "C'mon, we're going home."

"But ponies!" she wailed and pointed.  "You promised!"

"That was before you were bad," Tara said.

"It's probably the last few days of them," Mickey said quietly.

Tara looked at him.  "That makes it a reward."

"So we'll punish her by making her give a quarter of her books to a kid's shelter."

Tara smiled.  "Olivia, if you have ponies, you have to sort out your books and toys to give to children who don't have any."

"All of them?" she asked, looking miserable.

"At least two bags worth.  That or ponies."

Olivia pouted.  That wasn't fair!  Uncle Mickey didn't give her any hope either.  She considered it.  "I get new library books?"

"Next week."

"Favorites?"

"That's up to you.  Twenty books and six toys."

"Ponies," she sighed.  She could do that.  She had hundreds of books and toys.  Tara took her to the pony ride.  She enjoyed it and Uncle Mickey gave her another one.  Then they went home to sort out her toys and books.  Tara made sure the library books didn't go into that pile.  The toys were easy enough.  She had spare dolls that were twins of ones she already had.  Plus a lot of baby books that she didn't need because she was a big girl.  One kept being put back.  "They need.  It's a baby book."

"It's on potty training and you need it more," Tara reminded her.  Olivia ran in to use the potty and get some reading time.  Most of her library books were in there.

Mickey shook his head with a smile.  "Some day it'll work."

"I hope."  She finished packing up the toys.  One got a sad look and put back on the bed.  "Xander got her that."  Olivia came out ten minutes later - Tara had put a timer in there to make sure she didn't spend all day in there - and pouted at the bear.  "Uncle Xander got that right after you were born."

"Aww," she said with a hug for it.  It stayed on the bed.  She let Tara take some of the blocks.  The books were hard enough to part with but she was okay to give them to kids who didn't have them or library cards.  Mickey drove them over to a family shelter.  Tara walked in with the bags and Olivia.  "The kids need toys to be happy," she told the worker staring at them.

She smiled.  "They could use some, yes."

"I'm too big for some of them."

"It was also a punishment but she knows that we give back to those who need it," Tara said, handing over the bags.  "Some books and toys."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," Olivia said.  "Kids need to be happy when things are sad.  Sad babies cry a lot."  She hugged her aunt.  "Tell them to be pretty and happy."  They walked out together.  Maybe she'd have her uncles type something out to those people who liked her on the computer.  Those kids needed things to be happy.  Even if it was a punishment and she had to clean up her room before dinner.  As it turned out, Uncle Mickey knew how to let her talk to them.

"Nice job, princess," he said quietly.  She beamed and kissed him on the cheek.

"There's a few muffins left, Mickey.  I made them for Kevin because he's a bit bouncy and worried since his wedding's in two weeks."

"I wouldn't mind some muffins."  He took two with a wink for the ladies.  "I uploaded her thing to the twitter feed."

Tara rolled her eyes.  "It's good she's taking that in stride and not getting freaked out like I did."  He grinned.  "Thanks."

"You're welcome."  She gave him an extra muffin and went to check on Peter and Xander.  He left, going to Robert's apartment to see if anything was going on.  He was bored anyway.  He got let in.  "I spent part of the afternoon with Olivia and Tara."  He handed over a muffin.  "They made them for a detective that's getting married soon."

He sniffed.  "It smells wonderful."  He put it aside for after dinner.  "Anything good come of it?"

"Olivia got into Uncle Peter's toy stash."  Robert winced.  "She kindly gave them to the same detective so he'd have some fun and relax before his wedding.  She thought they were big boy toys."

"In many ways."  He sipped his tea.

"She's grounded and Tara agreed that making her donate some toys and books to a shelter would be good punishment.  Then she had me tape something for her twitter feed."

"Why does she have one of those?"

"Because some people think she's neat.  It's been up since the dress comment."  He got into it on his phone and let him see it.  Robert had to smile at the silliness of some of the comments.  The new one was getting a lot of comments. Mickey responded that he was her uncle and he had helped her sort things out as part of her punishment but she'd always donated to thrift shops before going shopping.  The mothers on there thought it was adorable and a good punishment.  Though she had said it was one because she had stolen her uncle's toys for one of his friends to feel happier. Mickey assured them she was grounded for that.  They liked that and it was considered a good thing.

"She's an adorable little girl," Robert said.  He handed the phone back, shaking his head.  Mickey got into the dress video, making him nearly cackle at it.  "I see why now."

Mickey grinned.  "The rest of the family loved that one.  I think Lorne Cash is the only one that hasn't seen it yet."  He sent that link to DC in an email and put up his phone.

***

In DC, Lorne got into his email, looking at the simple link.  "It can't be spam from that source."  He had just gotten back from a case from hell, which had been proceeded by two others and his partner nearly being brainwashed for good into an assassin.  He watched it and giggled.  "That's so adorable."  His bartender walked over to watch over his shoulder.  "That's Xander's niece Olivia."

"She's adorable.  I'm on her twitter feed."  He grinned as he went back to the bar.  The guys up there gave him a look.  "Xander Harris' niece Olivia's dress video.  Apparently he hadn't seen it."  They grinned.

"She put out another one today encouraging others to be punished by giving stuff to kids who needed things."

The bartender shook his head.  "It's a good punishment since she's a voracious reader."  He found it on his smartphone and watched it, grinning at it.  "I wonder what she did to get punished."

"Who knows," Lorne said.  "How do I find the rest of it so I can bookmark it?"  He got shown.  "Thanks.  Olivia's a sweetheart.  I showed up to talk to Shank about something and she scowled at me the whole time.  Told me she was there to protect her uncles so I couldn't make them less pretty."

"Why did you talk to Shank?" one of the guys asked.

"He and Xander Harris are together," the bartender said with a grin.  "I introduced them."

"Damn."  He blinked, looking at his fellow spies.  "Harris, the guy that fights the demons?"  Lorne nodded.  "Well, at least Shank's tough enough for him I guess.  I heard he dated psychos."  He shook his head, sipping his beer.

"Most of them killed each other," Lorne said with a smirk.  "There's a few left in jails but they don't want to piss Xander off.  Apparently he nearly killed a few with his teeth since one decided to take Olivia from daycare."

"He doesn't look like he'd leave Shank very much," that one agreed, saluting him with his cup before taking another drink.  "Are they serious?"

"City Hall serious."

The guys at the bar moaned and toasted Shank's insanity.  He had to be with a new husband who was a demon fighter and a new niece.

***

Beckett looked up that night from her paperwork of doom when someone walked into the squad room.  "Yes?" she asked.

"Detective Beckett, I'm the Mayor's secretary."

"Okay.  Is there a homicide there we have to handle quietly?"

"No."  She smiled.  "The Mayor wants to ask Olivia Rosenburg to help with his donation campaign for this holiday season and he knows you know her guardian."

"I do.  I can ask Xander."

"The same Xander Harris?"

"Yes."  She smiled.  "He and Tara have always made Olivia give back to thrift shops and things."

"That's wonderful!  Have him contact us this week?  The kick-off is in a month or so."

"I can do that."  The secretary left and she called Xander.  "Apparently I'm your helper this week," she said dryly.  "No, not another death threat.  The Mayor wants Olivia to help him with his charity campaign this year.  I don't know if she could or not.  I said I'd talk to you.  They'd like to talk to you this week.  Thanks, Xander."  She hung up and decided it was time to go home.

***

Kevin walked into his apartment and shut the door, leaning against it.  "Did you want to hear the silly Olivia story for real and in full?"

"I asked Tara.  I think it's sweet she was going to make you happier that way.  Even if she did think you needed big gay boy toys."

"None of them are that huge," he said dryly, handing her the bag.  "I couldn't get near Xander's house tonight.  Traffic's a bitch out that way."  He flopped down.  "I nearly didn't get here.  It took me two hours."  She kissed him.  He smiled and kissed her back.  "She did give you two dolls."

"She's a sweet and beautiful girl.  I hope our future daughters are like her, only a bit less mystical and wanting to be pretty."

"She'll definitely have to learn to get dirty," he agreed with a grin.  Jenny grinned and kissed him again.  That was a nice, calming dinner.  He could eat later on, when she was sleeping off the fantastic sex he was going to lay on her.

***

Olivia looked at the man who wanted to help her tell others to give their toys to kids who needed to be happy.  "I give my toys, you should give yours."  He gaped at her.  "I give my books and clothes too because other kids need them.  You should too."  She put her hands on her hips, staring at him.  "Even my lost mommy and daddy would like that."

"Your daddy definitely would," Xander agreed, stroking over her hair.  "You look a lot like your mommy with her resolve face too, dear."  Olivia grinned at him.  He smiled at the Mayor.  "I don't mind her helping but I don't want her to do publicity events.  I see nothing wrong with her donating to it once."

"I can accept that.  People like her."

"That's because she's wise and a smartass."

The mayor smiled.  "She appears very wise."  He looked at her.  "I can go through mine and my wife's closets later, dear."

She grinned.  "Good boy.  Now fix potholes?  I hate bouncy."  She walked out to suck up to the secretary.  "Do you have candy?" she asked with a shy grin.

"Olivia, you have a ton of candy at home," Xander called.  "No using your powers for evil candy manipulation."

"Sorry," she said, looking down.  "Just wanted a candy."  The secretary smiled and handed her a lollipop.  "Thank you!"  She hugged her and bounced back in there.

"How does she know about potholes?"

"With the fixes by her daycare, the road's a wreck," Xander said.  "She says it bounces her around in her carseat."  He unwrapped the lollipop.  "Did you say thank you?"  She nodded, sticking it into her mouth.  "Good girl.  Thank you, ma'am, and I'm sorry she begged."

"She's adorable.  I wish my daughter wanted to be pretty more often."

"She needs pretty dresses and nerf guns," Olivia said with a happy smile.  "That's how I do it.  And a brush."  She twirled around.  "Auntie takes me shopping in East Village."

"I'll have to see if she likes the stores there."  Olivia smiled at her and climbed up her uncle to sit on his lap.

"Tara's always took her to give her old stuff to thrift stores," Xander told her with a smile.  "It's important that she learns to give back."

"It's a great thing," the Mayor agreed.  He found an event.  "Here, we're kicking it off that day."

"We're going to be in Baltimore," Xander said, checking his calendar.  "Peter and I both.  Probably with her.  This one the week before Thanksgiving is doable though."  That got a nod and the Mayor noted it.  Xander grinned.  "By then she'll be in another growth spurt anyway.  And hopefully potty trained."

"I try really hard," Olivia said.

"I know.  We're all trying really hard."  He gave her a cuddle.  The mayor smiled.  "She keeps forgetting.  Even on a schedule.  Right now she gets reading in the bathroom time if she goes."

"That's a good bribe when she likes it so much," the secretary said with a smile.  "Mine did it for M&M's."

"Ooooh, candy," Olivia cooed, looking at her uncle.

"We can try that bribe when we get home," he promised.  She hopped down and looked around.  The secretary took her to the bathroom.  Xander sighed.  "If it works, I'll kiss that woman if she wants me to."

"My wife did it for me."  The mayor shrugged.  "Did you want to donate books or a gift card?"

"I don't know.  We'll figure it out."  He nodded and Xander left, gathering her.  "Did you go?"  The secretary smiled and nodded.  "Then you can pick up one piece of candy on the way home."  Olivia squealed and ran down the hallway.  "Wait for me," he called patiently, smiling at her.  "Thank you."  The guard was staring at Olivia, who was staring back.  "Good job to wait."  Olivia took off running again.  "Too much sugar."  The guard snickered but let him follow.  There was a police officer scowling at her so Xander scowled back.  "She knows she can only go so far and then has to wait on me.  If she doesn't then she gets grounded again."

"Eww," Olivia agreed with a smile for the officer.  "You're a stranger so of course I don't talk to you."

"Officers are always good people," he told her.

She shook her head.  "One auntie wasn't.  She dressed up as an officer to 'nap me."

Xander nodded.  "And I kicked her ass for that."  Olivia beamed at him.  "Most officers are good people and if they ask you questions I want you to answer politely, Olivia."

"Yes, Uncle Xander."  She smiled.  "I'm waiting on him."

"Fine."  She ran off again and Xander sighed, shaking his head as he followed.  The officer shook his head on his way to check in.  He couldn't blame the kid for that reason.  He wouldn't have trusted an officer either.

***

They were in Baltimore when Xander got the news.  He winced.  He had offered to cut things short to be there for the captain's funeral.  His wife had told him he was obligated to be there and she understood, especially since Xander was letting them go to his cabin after the funeral to have some time alone to grieve.  Now things were worse.  He looked around.  Olivia was with Peter.  "Peter?"   He looked up and Xander threw him the phone.  Peter read and his face got hard.  "I...."

"We leave in two hours.  She can hold on that long."  He sent a message to Tara.  Who was already on her way to the hospital from what she sent back.  "She will help in our absence."  Xander nodded, biting his lip.  He had Olivia bring him back the phone.

"I'm sorry, one of the detectives I've worked with just got shot," Xander said.  "So we won't be back for this afternoon."

"Of course you're not," one of the fans told him.  "I'd be running out the door."

"I *so* want," Xander admitted quietly.  He got through all the signings and packed up, signing a few on the way to their room to pack up their bags.  He canceled their train ride back and was getting them plane seats when Peter and Olivia came in.  He hugged her.  "Auntie Kate will be all right," he promised, cuddling her.

Peter took over getting them to the airport.  The check-in girl was snotty to them.  "A friend was just shot," he said firmly, glaring at her.  She flinched.  "We are needed at hospital."

Xander glared at her.  "I'm worth over seventy million dollars.  I'll fly private from now on.  Just get us on the damn plane," he growled.  "Please.  We're too stressed out right now to really be pleasant and I'm sorry about that but yay.  She's like family."  She nodded and got them through faster.  They hurried to security, which was a nightmare.  Fortunately, Xander and Peter both had carry permits.  Xander looked at the guard at the front of the line.  "I've got a permit to carry and my gun on me.  The check-in girl said that was your job.  So does my husband.  It's also likely that we have gsr on us from target practice yesterday."

"We can hand-wand you once they're packed up, sir."  He took them to the side to do that.  "They're supposed to do that at the desk."

Xander nodded.  "A friend of ours just got shot and I kinda growled," Xander admitted quietly, cuddling Olivia.  "We need to be there for her."

"Okay."  He got them through the handwanding.  His boss wanted to pat the baby down but Xander was growling and the guy wasn't stupid.  They got passed through and made it to the gate to see an earlier one going.

Peter talked to the stewardess, who got them transferred to that flight as stand-by.  The plane wasn't full and they could stand the tiny seats in economy class for an hour and a half.  When they were in the air, Peter squeezed Xander's hand.  "She will be fine.  You know she will be fine.  Even if Rick has to take up magic she will be fine."

Xander nodded, resting his head on his husband's shoulder.  "I hope so.  I don't think I can take missing another friend, not that close to the last one."

The stewardess walked past them then backed up.  "Sir, there's no cuddling...."

"One of my best friends was just shot at a funeral," Xander said quietly and calmly.  "She's a detective.  Right now, my spouse is going to keep me calm and I'm not really cuddling more than my niece.  I'll make sure there's no PDA to embarrass anyone though."  He stared at her.  She huffed and walked off.  "I'm so dumping all my stocks in this company," Xander muttered.

"How much do you have?" Peter asked.

"About four percent of it."  He smirked.  "We're flying private."  Peter nodded, petting Olivia to keep her calm.  She curled up on his lap to read from Xander's ebook reader.  They got passed over for drinks.  Which was fine with them.  Olivia chased her down to get some water but otherwise the plane was a long wait.

***

Xander came off the plane, seeing the scowling agent.  "Good, I don't have to call a cab to get to Beckett's side."  The agent gasped.  "Now!"  He nodded, walking off with them.  They got their checked bags and weapons then headed out.  Olivia's carseat had been checked.

The agent waited until they were in the car to look at Xander.  "They hate you."

"I'm about to buy their asses and fire them all."

"You can't do that.  Your accounts are still locked."

"That's funny since only two accounts are here in the US," he said dryly.  "Can we yell at me for being rude on the way?"

"Sure."  He drove off, giving him an asschewing on the way.

Xander got there and got out.  "I'll write an apology letter to the Post."  He carried Olivia.  Peter got his bags.  Xander got his and Olivia's and they went inside.  "Which floor is Detective Beckett on?" he asked the 'find their room' desk person.

"She's much...."

Xander held up a hand.  "Beckett is like my damn sister and her aunt.  I don't give a damn."  He stared at her.  "Please?"

"Four," she said, writing it down for him.

"Thank you.  There's plenty up there that'll hold her so she doesn't see anything too horrible."  He walked up there.

Peter looked at him in the elevator.  "I will help you write apology letters."

"I know I'm an asshole.  I'll apologize on the way out," he sighed, looking at him.  "I'm sorry.  This is not my best week."

Peter kissed him.  "Of course is not."  They walked off into the doctor screaming at Tara.  "Oh, dear."

Xander hauled off and hit him.  "Shut the fuck up, Josh.  If Tara can do something to help her, she will be.  If you don't like that, whine!  If you want her to do more than she can reasonably do, she's not the Goddess.  Now, let me go help Tara."  He walked over the doctor.  Tara was giving him worried looks.  He handed Olivia to Martha.  "Our turn?"

"Josh didn't want her to try," Rick said.

"And I care about whiny boy's opinion why?"  Xander looked at him.  "It sucked ass that I couldn't be there for the funeral," he said quietly, staring at him.  "Maybe I could've helped then.  If not, I'm sure as hell going to help now."  Rick nodded, getting out of the way.

"Sir, you can't," the nurse started.  Xander stared at her and she backed down.  "Okay."

"She's my niece's favorite aunt.  Thank you."  He walked in and looked at Tara.  "Let me purge some negative energy into this?"

She nodded, taking his hand to do the healing spell.  "Unblock," she said quietly.  He concentrated and took off the necklace that held his hellmouth taint hidden.  She drew off that and things started to stabilize.  Tara sighed and went limp, which got her caught by Esposito.  He walked her out talking quietly.

Xander leaned over to kiss her on the forehead, whispering something.  She glowed and then he concentrated.  "Tara, there's a healing thing from Jack's project at the warehouse."

"It's broken," she reminded him.

"Damn."

Rick patted him on the back.  "She's in much better shape just from that," he said quietly.  Xander nodded, putting back on the containing necklace.  "What does that do?"

"Keeps all the hellmouth taint inside."  They shared a look.  "Otherwise I look really tasty to the ones who might like that power."  He took Olivia, staring into her eyes.  "Do not try to heal her at all.  You do not know how to do that yet.  You can kiss and talk to her but no drawing the injury into you.  That would seriously kill me, Olivia."

She nodded, leaning down to hug and kiss her auntie on the cheek.  "You get better.  Auntie will help and make sure."  She kissed her again.  She sniffled so Xander walked her out.  "It hurts her."

"I know.  We're working on making it better."  He stared at her.  "Some day you can study how to help people who're in pain.  Until then you don't know enough and it'd make both of you hurt like that."  She nodded, resting on his shoulder.  "We'll make sure she's fine, Olivia.  You can help your aunt with that."

"I will."  She wiggled until Tara took her to cuddle.  That made them both feel better.

Xander looked at the detectives.  "What else can we do to help?"

"The guy who did it escaped," Eposito said.

"I'll take a picture to the Council and ask around.  Anything else I can do?"

"Not yet."  He saw security getting off.  "They're going to toss you out."

Xander looked at them.  They were demons.  "They shot Beckett."

One of them winced.  "Damn.  Did you hit her boyfriend?"

"The worthless ass who's never there?  Yeah.  He was yelling at Tara about helping her."

The demons nodded.  "Tone it down, Harris."

"I want him tossed out," Josh demanded.

Xander looked at him.  Then at Tara.  "It's not ethical to banish him at Willow," she told him.

"Pity."  The demon guards laughed.  "Guys, who was it?" he asked them.  One pulled up the profile.  The guards read it and nodded.  "He's higher up than the next apocalypse on my shit list.  If you guys hear, I hear or they hear?"

"Agreed," the guards said.  They handed it back and looked at the doctor.  "Real boyfriends would be like him."

"I nearly lost my job doing her surgery."

"Now it's been healed some," Xander told him.  "She's more stable by what's on her monitors."  Josh stared at him.  He stared back.  "It may have escaped your notice but a few years back I was upstairs on quarantine because I got given a demon plague to start one in humanity."  Josh walked off shuddering.  He looked at the family.  "Do we want to take turns?  That way you guys can go get changed?" he asked calmly.  They shook their heads.  "Okay."  He sat down next to Peter and took Olivia back.  "She'll be fine."

"Better be or I'll beat the crap out of someone," Olivia said, scowling at the elevator doors.  "Grandpa will need pompoms."

Xander hugged her.  "When you're sixteen I'll start training you how to do that."  She beamed at him.

Rick's mother Martha smiled at him and patted Olivia's hair down. "She'll be just fine, people.  Why don't you go feed the cats and get her changed?"

Olivia looked at herself then at her.  "I know it's not really pretty because I have wrinkles but the airport people were poops."

"I'll write an apology letter to them later," Xander said, cuddling her.  "The cats are fine.  Sam's back to kitty sit."

She smiled.  "Olivia doesn't need all this stress," she said quietly.

"Tough," Olivia said.  "That's my auntie and I'm staying, no matter who thinks it'll make me less smart and pretty."  She stared at her.  "She's my auntie."

"Family is everything to some of us," Rick agreed, taking her to cuddle.  He could use the cuddle.  Alexis hugged his side.  They both cuddled Olivia because she always made you feel better.  Which was probably part of her skills coming out but right now they weren't going to do anything about it.

Tara took the bags from Peter.  "Let me tell Sam."  He nodded.  Xander looked at her.  "I could use something to drink."

"Okay.  Thanks."  He hugged her.  She smiled since it had forced more energy into her.  She left to tell the rest of the extended 'family' they had.  John Winchester thought Beckett was what his future granddaughters should be.  Plus she could start writing Xander's apology letter for his temper.

***

Olivia ran in when Rick walked out of Beckett's room.  She climbed up on the bed and pounced her for a careful hug.  "You're better."  She kissed her on the cheek.  "Auntie and I will make sure you're okay."  She stared at her.  "Unclie Xander is already growling about the bad guy so you just get better.  I'll fuss when I can."

Kate smiled.  "I'd like that but I might go out of the city for a bit to rest."

"We have cabin."  She hugged her again.  "You rest.  You always need rest when you're sick, and books.  I'll see if we can bring you books."

Beckett smiled.  "I'd like that.  I'll be okay."

Olivia stared at her.  "You still need fussed over.  Unclie taught me so I'm very good at it."  She kissed her again.  "We'll see if you can bring muffins.  I'm not sure if mean nurses will let you and not steal them."  She wiggled down and walked out.  "We make her muffins?" she asked the nurse glaring at her.  "She needs rest and fussing."

"You're too young."

Olivia kicked her in the shin.  Then she smiled.  "Can she have muffins?"

"Fine," she said, wincing.

"Olivia," Xander and Peter warned.

"Sorry, I'm very worried and I have to go so I can get things to fuss over her.  She's my auntie and I have to fuss."  She stomped around her, glaring at her uncle.  "You drive," she pointed out.

"Let us talk to her first.  You go apologize better," Xander said with a point.  Olivia pouted but went to apologize for kicking the nurse in the shin.  Xander slipped in there, staring at her.  "If you want to use the cabin, you can."

"I might."  She smiled weakly.  "She's very strong willed."

"She's a lot like her mother.  Daniel was only stubborn."  She smiled.  "Muffins?"

"Tomorrow."

He nodded.  "We can do that.  We need to go calm her down."  He rolled his eyes.  "If you need stuff, you tell me."

"Don't you dare go looking for him."

Xander kissed her on the temple and grinned.  "You don't look like my husband," he said dryly. She glared.  He smirked.  "Didn't I handle the last serial killer that was after you?"  He walked out, picking up Olivia where the nurse was telling her what she could and couldn't have in the next few days.  "Muffins?"

"Soft ones, no frosting.  She doesn't need the dose of sugar."

"Okay.  Anything else?  Like lunch and things?"

"For right now, she'll be fine.  She'll get mush like every other patient."

"I remember, that's why I offered.  I was up on quarantine a few years back."  He shuddered.

"Tomorrow, only soft things with protein."

"I can do that."  He smiled.  "Did she apologize?"

"She did.  This is why we don't like children up here."

"She'd rip down this hospital if I didn't let her see her aunt."  The nurse smiled.  "Seriously!  She's magically active.  She'd rip down the hospital."

The nurse patted her on the head.  "She can come back with you tomorrow during visiting times."  He nodded and left with her.  They stopped to talk to Beckett's father.  Olivia gave him a hug too because he needed one.  He patted Xander on the shoulder.

***

Xander snuck out that night, going to a bar he had only been to once but a lot of his former dates liked it.  He walked in.

"You're married to one of us, not actually one of us," someone joked.

"I heard my ex was here and I wanted to know if he had seen the mother fucker that shot my friend Kate."  He grinned at his former paramour.  Who shivered.  "Yeah, I'm more pissed off than I was at that bomber in LA.  Got any idea where he is?"

"No."  He took a sip of his beer.  "Does Peter know you're here?"

"Probably.  He tends to wake up whenever I leave the bed."  He stared at him.

"If I hear he's around me I'll gladly hand him over.  I remember the mess you made of the guy who wanted to bomb the detective who got your dates in LA, Xander.  Does Peter know about that?"

"Don't know.  That depends on what Lorne Cash found during that background he did."  He grinned.  "I'm told it had ties back to a really old case and why her captain got killed."

That got a nod.  "If I hear, I'll gladly tell you or the cops around her, before your volcanic temper is unleashed."  He took another drink.

Xander kissed him on the forehead.  "Thanks.  Let me go sharpen weapons."  He walked out.  He went to the demon poker place.  A few gave him odd looks.  "Olivia nearly called down a blood feud on whoever shot her aunt," he announced.  "I'm so proud she has my temper instead of Willow's."   Most of the room shuddered.  He put down a paper.  "This is the guy who shot her.  If you guys hear, can I or Rick Castle have him?  Dead isn't quite as fine but if you gotta....."  He waved a hand around.

The City Council member in there smiled.  "If we see or hear of him, we will tell you, Xander.  Can you calm Olivia down?"

"Hell no.  This is her first major injury among those she considers family."

"Ooooh," she said with a wince.  "Her magic?"

"John gave her something to bind it for a few days."  He grinned.  They just nodded.  "So...."

"If we hear of him, we'll tell you or the detectives."

"Thanks."  He walked out, picking up some milk on the way home.  Olivia would need some for breakfast.  Peter was waiting on him.  "Making sure the demon poker hall heard."

"You smell like regular smoke too."

"I talked to Gregor since I heard he's in town.  I figure if he's hiding in the human underground Gregor's probably heard."

Peter nodded.  "Probably."  He kissed him.  "Yuck."

"I kissed him on the temple."  He wiped his mouth and rinse and spit with some water from the faucet then took a kiss.  "Better?"

"Much."  He stared at him.  "You are not officer."

Xander took a quick kiss.  "You should ask someone in LA about the guy I caught making bombing plans against the detective that arrested all my dates out there."  He strolled off taking off his shirt.

Peter texted that to Lorne Cash, who sent back he had no idea but he'd look.  Peter followed to calm Xander down.  Clearly his temper was high.  He needed to be more analytical instead of emotional.

***

Peter woke to his phone beeping at six.  He looked at the message, opening the attached file.  He could read lips so he understood what the man was begging and crying about.  He was impressed.  Xander had made him regret everything and the man had been Russian mafia.  He had wondered how that sort had heard about Xander.  Probably from this.  He put his phone aside and laid down again.  Xander hadn't woken up.  He'd get in some cuddles before Xander got up to go to the gym.  Maybe it would keep Xander calm while people worked on finding that future dead person.

He would remind Xander he was a scary former KGB agent later so he could help him when they did find the person.

***

Xander walked into the station two weeks later.  He handed Esposito a check.  "For the reward to find the asshole."

He smiled.  "I'll have them add it, Xander.  He could be out of the area."

"The demon network would extend."

"Do we really need a second *author*?" a female voice demanded.

Xander stared at her.  "Yes, you do, because I'm upping the reward for information on the guy who shot Beckett."  She gaped.  He stared at her.  "Anything else?  They're my friends and I often visit to bring them lunch when they're working too hard."  He looked at Ryan again.  "Jenny good?"

"She's fine."  He watched the new captain huff off.  "She hates Castle," he hissed.

Xander smirked.  "She's half-demon," he said.  He looked at Esposito.  "Anything I can help with?  I'm feeling weak and helpless and I hate being a novel heroine."

"Not at the moment.  She tried to get Castle removed."

Xander smirked.  "That's nice but I told Gregor to not bomb the 113 last week."  They groaned.  "Peter was pretty amused too.  He and Gregor had a short, quiet talk while I sat on the hood of the car."  Esposito shook his head with a groan.  "Peter wanted to help too.  He reminded me he was a scary KGB agent for nearly two decades."

"If we can, bro," Esposito assured him.

Xander grinned.  "Thanks.  I really want to beat that guy nearly to death and then hand him over.  Peter said he'd stop me though."  He grinned.  He looked at the huffy woman when she came back out.  "What?"

"Why are you still here distracting my detectives?"  Xander stared at her and then took off his necklace, making her gasp and back away slowly and carefully.  "Who are you?"

"Xander Harris, same as I've always been.  Alexian is a pen name."  He grinned.  "I've also helped them before when they needed strange things for cases."  He put it back on.  "They're like favorite uncles to my niece Olivia."  She nodded, taking another step back.  "I'm never a threat to good cops, outside what's-his-name in Robbery that ignored the information I gave him on Beckett's serial killer stalker."  He shrugged, looking at the guys again.  "You were muttering last night about sacrificial circles?"

"I stopped in on Tara this morning." Ryan grinned.  Xander grinned back.  "Olivia?"

"Calling Beckett every single afternoon to read her a bedtime story so she has to rest."

They grinned at him.  "You taught her well," Esposito said.  "Even my mother can't fuss that much."

"I know, and she did it to John when he sprained his ankle, no matter how much he complained.  She pouted him into accepting it.  She does have her mother's resolve face.  It made me do things for *years*."  They snickered.  "So don't need my help?"  They shook their heads.  "Okay.  I'm letting Olivia fuss at you guys with lunch next week sometime.  Let me know if Wednesday is a bad day.  She's got an appointment for shots so she's out of daycare that day."

"So far as we know it'll be fine.  If we get a call out, we'll text."  Xander nodded and left.  Kevin smiled at the new captain.  "We arrested his former dates for years when he moved here."

"Made our stats great," Esposito agreed.  "We got something like seventeen serial killers, some mafia guys, a lot of weapons dealers."

"A few dirty agents," Ryan agreed.  "The one in the CIA that gave him the nuclear warhead."

The captain groaned.  "So he's actually helpful?" she sneered.

"Yup," they said in unison.  The room got really dark and then something outside screamed.  "Plus Beckett was on to help him handle any local apocalypse battles," they said, going to the window.

Esposito opened it to look down.  "Was it that evil?"

"Yes," Xander called back.  "It was handing over the three people it decided it didn't want to eat.  Which means we need to track the nest back to see if there's any living victims.  Especially since it eats kids usually."

"Be right there," Esposito said, closing the window.  He and Kevin grabbed their jackets and weapons before heading down the stairs at a jog.  The three adult victims were being handled.  Xander was looking it over.  "It have an ID?"

"There's only three of them in town.  The local Council asked Faith to make them flee.  I thought she got two of them."  He texted her.  She sent their addresses.  "Three possible places and a storage building they were using for a nest."

"We can do that," they agreed, heading with him.

"Faith meeting us?" Ryan asked.

"Yup.  At the one on Thirty-Third."  That got a nod and they headed there first.  It was only a few blocks from her house so they could take her if it wasn't there.

The captain went to call the mayor and tell him what had happened.  He agreed, Xander was useful and Beckett had been on call for emergencies of a demon nature.  In her place was now Flack and Taylor for a bit.  They were next on the list.

***

Xander walked into the lab that afternoon with a smile.  "I was told Detective Taylor wanted to see me to probably yell and scream."

She smirked.  "Are you an officer?"

He grinned.  "Fantasy author and I put him into something again."  She huffed but paged him.

Mac came off the elevator, looking at him.  "What did you put me into this time?"

"The wizarding series.  You're one of the teachers that shows up in the next book."

"Fine," he muttered.  "The Mayor and Captain Turner said we're filling in for Beckett while she's down."

"She usually tells me most of the time."

"Fine.  If we don't, you call us."

"Okay.  Esposito and Ryan helped me and Faith bring down the human eating thing earlier."

"I heard.  The Mayor was amused."  Xander shrugged.  Mac handed over both cards. "Call us."

"Yes, Detective Taylor.  Should I let Olivia fuss over you too?"

"No, she's cute but no kids in the lab."

Xander grinned.  "Sure.  By the way, there's a 'settling who's in charge' battle next week among one of the demon gangs.  I promised I would not interfere or tell Beckett about it so she could interfere.  They need it settled or it'll turn into a war."

"That's fine.  Where?"  Xander wrote out the map he had been given.  "I'll make sure we don't have anything down that way and keep away from them.  Would us holding a line...."

"No, they'd attack any humans.  It's like ritual combat and slightly sacred."  He shrugged.

"Okay.  I can handle that and put out a 'don't go there' order."  Xander wrote down two other numbers.  "I have Faith's."

"It's slightly changed.  She got a better phone.  The other is the guardian of the local City Council.  They occasionally call on Beckett when one needs to be put in jail."

"I can introduce myself tomorrow."

"Thanks."  He grinned.  "Wanna be an elf?"

"No thanks."  He walked off smiling but shaking his head.

Xander bounced off to go pounce his husband and then cook dinner.  He needed to do some fussing to calm himself down.

***

Six weeks later, Lorne Cash looked up as his partner Max sat next to him with a book.  "Shank's new book is out?" he asked.

"Yup," she said with a smile.  "I'm wondering if you're the agent that keeps creeping in the window to talk."

"Possibly."  He took it to read that section, she had a bookmark there.  "Yeah, probably."  He handed it back with a head shake.  "Anything else going on?"

"No, New York's been abnormally quiet for the last eight weeks."  He looked at her.  "Even the guys out in LA have been wondering why it's been so quiet in New York."

"I'll call Shank."  He walked off to do that.  He got a panting man.  "Sorry to interrupt."  He hung up.  He got called back.  "Oh, okay, gym time I can understand.  I was hoping I hadn't broken into something with Xander."  He listened.  "He's the nurturing sort, Shank.  Look at what he taught Olivia about fussing over someone.  That didn't come from Tara."  That got a reasonable answer.  "People are wondering why New York's so calm."  He heard why and nodded once.  "Can we help?"  He got into his email he hadn't checked in nearly two months, finding the information sheet.  "I'll see if we can find him.  Thanks.  Let me know if can physically help, and I won't even climb up the fire escape this time."  He hung up, looking up that person.

Max walked behind him.  "Who is he?"

"Someone that pissed Harris off enough that everyone's scared he's going to create an apocalypse to get him.  He shot Beckett."

"Ooooh," she said with a wince and a hiss.  "Poor woman."  She walked off.  "Let me know if I can help."

"It leads back to whoever killed Beckett's mother.  That's all they've told Peter or Xander."

"I can look into that."

"Is that our caseload?" Micah called from his office.

"Yes, because otherwise Shank is going to have to stop Harris from destroying the city to get this guy," Lorne called back.

"Damn."

"Basically."

"Or Olivia," Max said.  "She is magically active and three.  She'd probably act on an emotional basis instead of a rational one."

Lorne shuddered at the very thought.

***

Connor and Gunn walked into the LA Demon Council's meeting room.  "You called?" Connor asked.

"The being that is causing all the tension in New York is about to come out here."

"The guy that Xander is going to kill for hurting his detective friend?" Gunn asked.

"No, Harris himself."

Gunn smirked.  "It'll be fine."  The Council scowled.  "We want to see Olivia during the writers convention.  He'll be calm and his husband is coming as well."  They groaned.  "Maybe New York will untense once he's distracted so they can find the guy.  Then it'll be done with."

"Fine.  Keep him in check."  They nodded.  "Dismissed."  She waved a hand.

They left together, Gunn calling Xander.  "Are we babysitting?"  He smiled at Connor.  "We are."

"Fred will squeal again."  They smirked at each other and went to tell her.

The demon council got together to see if they could find a way around all that stress.  They were scared of Olivia turning into her uncle and what she would do when she grew up.

***

Xander walked into the station with a box of treats.  He put them down in front of Esposito then wrote out things.  "Writers convention."  He handed it to him.  "That's the Hyperion, where the LA team is."  That got a nod.  "Hotel main number.  If you need us, you call and we'll be back.  The LA team is babysitting so Peter and I can have some alone time."  He grinned.  "Those are the pistachio ones you guys like."  He looked at Castle.  "Convention?"

He shook his head.  "Not this year."

"Okay.  If anything funny comes up I'll let you know."  He gave him a manly hug.  "Olivia's going with us.  Tara's going to sulk at home.  She's got massive PMS and everyone's being too careful around her."  He winked.  "I'm thinking the IVF worked."  He shrugged.  He looked at the board.  "Gregor's brother?"  They nodded.  "Is he the dead one?"

"Yup."

"I'm sorry about Gregor's temper if he's in town."

"Not that we've heard," Ryan said.

"Ask Mickey."  He grimaced.  "They go to the same bars."  He looked at them.  "I removed everyone's number from my phone when I got serious with Peter.  Sorry."

"That's cool.  He can warn us," Esposito said, handing on the muffins after getting one.  "Thanks for lunch, Xander."

"Welcome."  He smirked at them.  "We'll be back in a few days."  He strolled off.  Peter was in the car.  Olivia was reading in her carseat.  They had rented a flight from New York and were taking some of Rick's poker buddies that were going.  Peter got them there in plenty of time and they made it through security easily enough.  Xander walked on first with Olivia.  "Hola, guys."

"I can't believe you rented a plane," one of them joked.

Xander looked at him.  "I hate flying commercial.  Especially after last time."

Olivia found a seat and sat down.  "Potty is where?"  Xander pointed.  She went to check on it then sat down again.  "Just in case I need it," she told the bigger people she kind of knew from poker games.

They smiled.  "That's very good work, Olivia," one told her.  Peter walked up.  "How did the second book go?"

"Very well," he said, storing their bags in the overhead compartments.  He gave Xander a pointed look and got his laptop.  Xander got his own laptop and sat down with Olivia.  "Someone is getting nagged."

The other authors laughed but nodded they understood.  One of them got a phone call and answered it.  "Yup?"  He listened.  "That sucks."  He looked around.  "Xander, some of the romance writers and one of your fantasy people just got told their flight was canceled."  He shrugged.  "Xander has room for about six people.  No, he rented.  He hates flying commercial after the last few times."

"Private terminal B," Peter said.

"We're at private terminal B and we're due to leave in about twenty minutes.  Sure."  He hung up.  "They'll be right here."

Xander nodded.  "We all need a vacation at the convention."  Olivia hugged him and he hugged her back.  "You're a good girl."  She beamed at him.

"What're you working on now?" Peter asked.

"The warrior mages using the Knights Templar style cult to defeat the evil shits in New York story."

"Ah, the one you get nagged about," Peter joked.

"Did Lorne tease you about where you put him in?"

"Quite."  He grinned.  Xander grinned back.  "Will LA have any problems?"

"No.  We'd better not."  The others laughed.  "The LA team said nothing's going on."

"Even better."   They got back to things while waiting on the others.  Xander went to meet them and let them in.  He only knew one of them but she vouched that the rest were authors.  They got added to his passenger list and they boarded.  One more tried to get on but the plane was full so they couldn't.  She pouted but Xander shrugged and said unless she wanted to hold Olivia all flight.  She decided to book her own and call the other authors to see if they wanted to go in for the trip.

***

Xander was doing an interview, which he was pretty used to.

"Alexian, it's said that you've quit writing gay characters since you got with your boyfriend."

"No, not in the least."

"The last few books have only had heterosexual characters."

"There's three coming out in the next six months with main gay characters and two of the last seven had secondary lead lesbian characters.  And most of those have been unstated or not shown.  If there's a follow up to the Staffs book, the Crystal Holder is actually grieving for his male spouse."

"Oh."  She smiled.  "So you haven't used that as an outlet for what you're not getting?"

Xander stared at her for a moment.  "I never have.  No matter who I was dating."

"No teasing your boyfriend with sex scenes?"

"No.  Not usually.  Now and then we'll proofread for each other but he's not really into fantasy novels."  He shrugged.  "Why?  Did someone suggest that?"

"Quite a few people expected that to happen."

"No, almost nothing is going to translate over from my real life.  After all, I'm not that sort of fantasy guy."  He smiled.  She cackled and swatted him on the arm.  He was glancing at the crowd because she was boring him stupid, and heard the quiet start.  "Excuse me, I think that's a problem starting."

"I don't hear any screams," she complained.

"The screams start after this sort of quiet."  He got up and looked out the door.  There was a huge demon.  There was Connor.  There was Olivia in the demon's grasp.  He pointed.  "Sit, stay, be safe."  He walked out and took Connor's spare sword.  "Give me my damn niece now please."

"You are not going to raise her," the demon sneered.  "She does not know you exist."

"I want my daddy!" Olivia was shouting.  A twinkling started and a portal.

"Willow, down!" Xander shouted.  She squeaked and moved.  Xander shot the demon.  Connor rescued Olivia.  They switched and Connor finished the demon.  "'Liv, are you all right?"  She sobbed, clutching him.  "Connor, can you break the spell?"

"No!"

"Fuck."  Olivia stared at him in horror.  "It's all right, Olivia. It's a spell.  I'm your uncle."  He shot at something coming out of the twinkling.  "Daniel, get your ass here now!"  He hurried over with the kids.  Buffy and Willow were still in the portal.  "Well?" he demanded.  The demon falling on it started to warp it.  "Move, ladies!"

"Only one of us can get through!" Willow shouted.

Xander took a deep breath, looking at Daniel, who was looking miserable.

"Go, you guys have Faith," Buffy ordered.

"I can find my way out easier," Willow complained.  The portal snapped and exploded.

Connor stopped Daniel from moving.  "All the force was on this side," he said.  "Xander, spell?"

Xander took off the necklace.  "Let's see if I can pull an Auntie Tara."  He concentrated and muttered, laying a hand on her.  The spell snapped and the portal snapped too.  Xander looked then at Connor.  "Did he create the portal?"  He cuddled Olivia.  Connor nodded.  "Why?"

"The prophecy that says if Olivia ends up hunting she'll be at the last great apocalypse of humanity."

"She's not going to hunt.  Maybe be a doctor and take care of hunters," he said dryly.  He walked over to Daniel and the two with him.  "Hey."

Tara appeared in a flash with Dean Winchester.  "I felt Willow."  Connor pointed at the demon and then where the portal was.  She checked.  "Daniel, they're all right."  He sighed and handed off the babies to hug his original one.  Dean and Connor got the demon out of the way.  Tara walked over and finished unraveling the spells on Olivia and the ones on the babies and Daniel.  "That way Willow has more energy around her," she said quietly, giving him a hug.  "Welcome back."  He choked up but nodded.

"Shh, it's all right," Olivia said.  Daniel whispered in her ear and she smiled.  "Daddy!  I make books sound like you."  She cuddled him back.  "Thank you, Uncle Xander."

"Not a problem, 'Liv.  We wanted your daddy back too."  She grinned at him.  He handed Tara his room key.  "Take them up there.  Peter's napping on the couch."  She nodded, getting them out of the way.  He looked at Dean, who was looking a bit upset.  "I don't know," he said quietly.

"Me either but you'll handle it.  Dad may pout though," he quipped weakly.

"Yeah, me too."  He nodded.  "I have an interview."  Dean nodded and let him go.  He and Connor faded off for right now.  Dean had groupies among the bookish sort and he didn't need pounced right now.

Xander looked at the reporter.  "Sorry."

"No," she said.  "Who was that?"

"Daniel, Olivia's father."  She slumped.  "We're seeing what's going on.  Did you need more?  I know you have me for another twenty minutes."

"No, that's all right.  It's more important that you go shelter Olivia."

He smiled.  "That's why I sent them with Tara.  She's very good at all the emotional stuff."  She smiled back and pulled out her notes to go back to it.

***

Peter woke up when the door opened, hand going to his gun when he didn't recognize them.  Tara followed him in and he was cuddling Olivia.  "Someone missing?" he guessed.

"Daniel, this is Peter, Xander's husband," Tara said with a smile for Peter.  "A demon wanted to make sure Olivia couldn't hunt and bounced a spell off Olivia to bring them back, kind of.  We had to undo the memory spell he laid on her though."

"Baby tylenol is in cabinet in bathroom.  She had fever after flight from her ears."  He took Olivia to cuddle and kiss on the temple.  "Sit and talk to him."  Olivia smiled and climbed into her father's lap to talk to him.  It made him feel better.  He saw the other two children and waved.  "Hello."  One was old enough to wave back with a smile.  "I remember your sister being that age."

"That one's now a tiny bit older than her," Daniel admitted, looking at him.  "Are you evil like some of Xander's dates?"

"No, I am former KGB."  He smiled.  "Those sort are mostly dead after shooting each other."

"Good!"  He cuddled his baby again.  "I missed you."

She smiled.  "Of course you did.  You're my daddy."  He grinned back.  She looked at Tara.  "Daddy come live with us?"

"I don't know, Princess.  That's between Uncles Xander and Peter, and your daddy."

"Uncle Peter?"

"We'll talk about it later, after everyone has calmed down."  She beamed and nodded, hugging him again.  "We see much of your cousin George."

Daniel smiled.  "George used to be the hellion in the family but he's a stand-up guy when it's family."  He pointed.  "Olivia, your mommy gave you a brother and sister while we were away."

She smiled and waved.  "I'll teach you how to read and potty train.  That's hard but I'm working on it."

"You're doing very good with it," Tara praised.  "Who had you before the demon showed up?"

"Unclie Gunn?"

"I'll make sure he's fine," she said, calling him.  "Gunn, Tara.  I'm here in LA with Olivia and Daniel, plus the new ones.  Yeah, here at the hotel.  Showed up here.  Thanks."  She hung up and let Xander in when he knocked.  "It'll be okay and we'll work things out," she reminded the baby, kissing her on the head.

Olivia smiled at her daddy.  "She's one of my aunties.  She has a puppy."

"Puppies are good.  Do you have a puppy?"

"Uncle Xander has three kitties and Uncle Dean has kitty wife he lets stay with Uncle Xander."  Daniel smiled and nodded.  The other two got handed over and Olivia helped him fuss over them.  "We need to go shopping, Auntie.  They not pretty yet and need diapers because his butt stinks worse than mine does."

"We can do that."  She got one of Olivia's diapers to change that one.  The other one got checked but he wasn't wet.

"You gotta cover that," Daniel warned.

Tara smiled.  "I know."  She hugged him again.  "We'll work on getting the others back."

"There's only Buffy and Willow," he said.  Xander slumped, shaking his head.  "There was an attack and Joyce died defending Willow while she was delivering him.  Giles....  He fell within six months to some strange infection."  He glanced at Xander.  "He wasn't in a whole lot of pain, either one."

Xander looked at him.  "Thanks."

Daniel nodded.  "I know what they meant to your group."  He cuddled the babies.  "Is she doing good?"

"She's still working on the potty training stuff.  She's reading small words.  Tara and I are working on the writing stuff.  We're basing it on what she'll need for a good kindergarten."  He sighed.  "But I guess we have to talk, huh?"

Daniel swallowed and nodded.  "We should, yeah.  George around?"

"This is the huge writer's convention in LA."

"That makes sense."  He smiled at Olivia then at Tara.  "Would you feel like getting the others and taking them to get a few things?"

"Of course.  I've spent three days a week with Olivia since we got handed her by Clem."

Daniel grinned.  "I love that floppy, wrinkly guy."

"He brought Olivia to me at the convention I was at.  Some zombie had tried to hurt her but Clem destroyed it and she slept through it just like Willow used to."  Daniel laughed and nodded.  "'Liv, take the auntie and help her get some stuff for the babies?"  She nodded, taking the baby carrier out of the closet.

"We can cab at first," she decided.  "You'll still need car seats for them."  She took them off, Dean falling into step with her.  "We're going to pick up some essentials for the little ones."

"That's a good thing.  Let Daniel and Xander talk dad to dad."  She smiled.  "How's the thing going?  I ask to see if I should mail you Sammy."

She blushed, ducking her head.  Then she nodded.  He grinned and hugged her.  "I'm insane to want one of my own."

"I'm going to have a sister!" Olivia squealed, drawing attention.  She hugged Tara's stomach.  "A sister!"

"You have a sister here too," Dean pointed out with a point at her.

"Ooh, two sisters and a brother," she cooed, hugging them again.

Tara smiled.  "C'mon, silly.  Let's get them some pretty things and some dinner."  Olivia nodded, letting Dean help with the carseats while she got into her own.  She was a big girl and could do her own carseat.  Tara hitched her in and got around to sit in the front.  Fortunately it was one of those minivan cabs.  "We need to go to a mega store or a mall, whichever is closer.  The others need their own carseats."

"Sure," he agreed.  "Walmart's close enough."  He drove them off.  They seemed like a nice family, but a bit weird.  She clearly wasn't local with the way she was dressed.

***

Xander looked at Peter, who nodded he'd be outside for a bit.  Xander paused him and took a kiss.  "Thank you," he whispered.  Peter smiled and let them talk.

Daniel cleared his throat.  "I have no idea, Xander."

"Olivia's so much like my little girl.  Also, you should know I had a vision of her trying to pop back because she and Willow started to argue."

Daniel shuddered.  "No, I'd never want that."  He looked at him.  "What do you want to happen?"

"I want at least visitation."

"I can agree with that.  I'm not sure I can stay here in LA without the wife.  It's dangerous."

"New York has it's own dangers but not as many.  Unless all the Winchesters are at the house, I even have a free room or you can camp on her floor.  It might help with her potty training," he finished dryly.  Daniel grinned.  "We've bribed by the tons.  She's doing good with the candy bribe along with the 'you go, you get ten minutes of reading time' bribe."

"She does read?"

"Yeah, she's not got a great vocab yet but she can read about fifty words and most of the tiny kid books are those."  He grinned.  "Tara taught her the first one and then each time she'd climb into our lap with a book she'd point out her words and then we'd teach her a new one."

"That's wonderful."  Daniel grinned.  "You've made my girl a wonderful young one."

"Who sometimes channels her Aunt Buffy.  She's very concerned with her prettiness level."  Daniel burst out laughing, shaking his head.  "But John's introduced her to nerf weapons so she's willing to ambush him as long as she can still be pretty.  We've got things set up for a small garden this coming spring.  Oh, Tara's knocked up by IVF."

"Wonderful.  She'll make a great Ma to a brood of heathens."  He looked around then at him.  "Is Peter good to her?"

"Since the first day Peter's been excellent to her.  He showed up that first time and she gave him a shiteating grin and kept calling him Puppy."  Daniel grinned.  "We definitely need to wean her back onto you full time if you want more custody."

"Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.  The other two?"

"She was so happy that Tara was going to give her a baby sister," Xander said dryly.  "Your little fashionista wannabe has already decided what sort of nursery she's having, that she'll go to the same daycare, all that."

"She's a special girl."

"Your girl's insane, has mood swings, and did I mention insane?" Xander asked dryly, but smiling.  "Also, magically active."

"I remember," he sighed.

"She's got a good hand with herbology.  She's spent a lot of time with Tara's coven and they're willing to teach her all the herbalism and healing stuff since she's shown real talent in that direction.  I'm kinda hoping that some day I'll get to pay for medical school for her."

"Healing?"  Daniel lifted his head.

"Yeah.  She was doing it unconsciously.  When a friend who's a detective got shot I had to be real firm and order her not to help any."

"Huh.  I might not mind that and the herbal stuff.  I know Tara's good with it."

"She is and she's guiding her.  Her daycare has another member of Tara's coven there.  Oh."  He snapped his fingers.  "Tara's got an aunt in New York.  She's a bitchy witch.  All the way to curses of misfortune on me and things.  The covens dealt with her but it's something we're worried about slightly."

"That's sad.  There's one at her daycare?"

"She used to do things like make the books read to her in your voice.  She also was a treat at floating the books to her."  Daniel winced.  "That's why we picked that daycare, so that Missy, the coven member, could look over her shoulder when Tara and I couldn't.  There's no way in hell we'd let her turn into Willow.  Your daughter already knows what ethics are and that using her gifts for the wrong thing is bad.  We had to tell her that healing without permission was."

"Why?  That seems like it's good."

"If you don't know what you're doing, the innate reaction to healing anything is to bring it into yourself and then healing it in yourself with your own energy."  Daniel winced.  "She was trying to heal a little boy who had a small tumor."  Daniel shuddered.  "She didn't.  She was with George and Sam."

"His girlfriend?"

"Sam Winchester.  All three  have been hanging around a lot since Clem brought her to me.  She thinks one of my cats is all but married to Dean.  John's become a Grandpa."  Daniel grinned.  "I've talked to your parents a few times.  Your mother's mean, Daniel."

"She can be, yeah."

"We have an international signing trip this coming summer and I was going to bring her and pop around on them but I was worried she'd try to snatch her."

"Knowing my Ma, possibly."  He smiled.  "She'll love her but hate her gifts."

"She knows.  George told her.  He gets her to the park at least once a week.  He comes over sometimes when he's had a bad day to get cuddles.  'Liv being a projective empath makes everyone who hugs her feel better."

"I noticed that with her Ma sometimes."

"Yeah, but Willow wasn't three."

"True."  He smiled.  "School?"

"I picked out a great one for her to be on the waiting list of.  She's pre-approved and they know that you and she could've shown up at any time.  She called it the weirdest custody case ever."  Daniel nodded.  "I was honest and she said if Olivia ends up back here then she'd give you a list of equally good schools."

"That's going to be helpful.  I'm not sure what I want yet."  Someone knocked and he flinched.

"That sounds like Connor."  Xander got up to let him in.  "Hey," he said with a nod inside for him and Peter.  "We're figuring things out."

"The local Council is *freaked*," Connor told him.  "The demon that did it knew he was on a suicide mission and bypassing that prophecy was necessary."

"Olivia will never *need* to hunt like the Winchesters do," Xander told him.  "She'll always have relatives who'll take her in.  If one of us can't, I've asked Rick if he could."

Connor smiled.  "He seemed like a goofy guy like you."

"Sometimes, yeah."  He grinned at Daniel.  "We will work it out without stressing out Olivia.  Because if we don't minimize it and she's damaged I'll kill us both," Xander told Daniel.

"I can agree with that.  I hate to see the babies cry."  He rubbed his eyes.  "I need a nap."

"You do," Connor agreed.  "Tara's already called up and said she's taking all three with her for a bit.  Dean's watching over them.  You're coming back to the Hyperion to nap for now.  Tara'll bring over the babies when Olivia's done making them pretty."

Daniel nodded.  "That'll work.  When do you go back, Xander?"

"Monday morning at seven," Peter said.  "We rented one."

"That'll work."  He stood up.  "Let me nap for a few hours and then I'll talk to you after dinner?"

"Awards thing tonight," Xander admitted.  "But I don't have to sign things until ten tomorrow.  We're done with that award semi-dinner at ten."

"That'll work."  He shook their hands.  "Thank you.  I didn't worry you'd do more than introduce her to Star Trek."

"Of course I did.  She thinks Janeway's a great role model," Xander said dryly with a grin.  Daniel grinned back and left with Connor.  Xander deflated and lost his grin.  "Oh, God," he muttered.

Peter pulled him over to the bed to hold him.  "We will work things out so we see her very often.   And possibly the other two as well."  Xander nodded, curling up on Peter's chest.  Peter didn't say a thing when he felt his shirt getting wet.  Olivia was as close as Xander would get to a real child so of course he was grieving for losing her at least part of the time.

***

Xander walked into Beckett's hiding spot that Monday afternoon and sat down with a sigh.  She gave him a pointed look.  "Daniel's back."

"Oh, damn.  Olivia?"

"Has two siblings and Willow was pregnant there so she's got one she might not ever get to see."  He looked at her.  "Daniel's coming back tomorrow with her and Tara."

"So he's moving to New York?"  Xander nodded.  "Is that a good thing?"

"Yeah, a lot.  Though she seems to hate her baby brother for some reason."  He grimaced.  "So we're doing weird things and my mind's confused again and I really want to get into a fight to wear out some of this stress but Peter's being great and understanding.  Even when I broke out crying."

"I think most people would do the same thing," she admitted carefully.  "Why are you up here?"

"Because you're hiding, woman."  He stared at her.  "And I need someone not as close to talk to.  Peter just keeps reassuring me and I can see all the bad things that could happen."

"Sometimes bad things do happen," she agreed.  "But you always said that Daniel was the level headed sort."

"Yeah and he's sad about missing her for two years."

"I'm guessing that's what guys in jail go through."

"I thought the same thing.  Daniel gave me a dirty look."

"It's probably not something he wants to think about."  She looked at him.  "You drove all the way up here after getting back from LA to talk about this?"

"And to see if you wanted to talk."  He stared at her.  "Not like I haven't been at death's door, shook his hand, even nearly french kissed him once."  She shivered.  "And no shrink that hasn't been there will ever be able to understand fully.  So I'm offering myself as a sounding board so I can take my mind off things.  Though Peter probably knows.  He has the car bugged in case one of us gets snatched again."

"When did you nearly die?"

"You mean you didn't realize I coded five times during the plague thing?"  She groaned and swallowed.  "Or that I've had some really bad injuries in the past that should've sent me to a real hospital but it was Sunnydale?  I mean, the whole merman thing?  They had to do a full blood transfusion.  That made me sick enough I actually visited the ER out there for help.  Beyond that one, I wasn't sure I wasn't going to die when I got the stuff from the Indians that thanksgiving.  I was at the bad stage of the smallpox when they gave up and got banished."

"I didn't even think about that."

"I don't like to."

"Me either."  She got up to get something to drink and came back.  He was stretched out on the couch.  "Comfy?" she asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, because I just saw a scope spotlight hit your chair."  She moved out of the way.  He got onto the floor and shifted toward the doorway, then decided to hit the window since it was closer.  He pulled his gun.

"Xander, I'm the cop."

"You're on suspended duty until you pass things," he reminded her.  "Let me be macho, woman."

Some days he really did remind her of Castle, maybe his illegitimate son.  "Fine."  She was out of harm's way and calling the real cops.

Xander found the guy and stared.  "That's not a nice gang member."  He moved out to the doorway.  "Yo, I'm from LA, dude."  The guy shot at him.  "I've seen toddlers do it better.  My three-year-old niece can shoot better."  The guy started to pull up his gun again but the cop behind him made him stop.  "Hi, guys."  He grinned.

"Sir, are you insane?"

"I'm a fantasy author."  He grinned.  Then he closed the door and walked inside.  "So, anyway."

She pointed.  "Crypt?"

"By the bandana."  He sat down again.  "So, anyway, you wanna talk about all that?"

"No."

"Neither did I."  He smiled.  "And yet what was it you said?"

"Sometimes you need therapy to get over things?"  He smirked at her and nodded.  "I'll be okay and I'm not as insane as you are, Xander."

"I try really hard but yeah, shit happened."

"I understand that very well."  She sat down then got up when the cops came to the door.  "Hey, guys."

"Detective Beckett?"

"On injury leave," she said.

"He said there was a small price on your head, Detective."

Xander pulled out his phone and called someone.  "Excuse me?  There's a *what* on Kate Beckett?" he demanded.  The man started to splutter and beg.  "You know, I'm having a really shitty week since Olivia's dad is back and I'm under a *crapload* of stress.  I'm *so* coming back there in a few hours.  Think you can find me someone to spar with?  I won't even bring the battle axe or the husband."  He listened.  "That'd be *great*!  Though, if it's the same bastard, I'd still like to talk to him.  I know, and he's pathetic, but yeah.  Thanks, man.  No, she's fine, Gregor.  Thanks."  He hung up. "Gregor's people will tell him that they're not suicidal so no one's going to try you for him again and if he wants to come into the open we'll gladly find him."  He grinned.

"Ma'am, is he threatening you?" the officer asked.

"No, he's an overprotective goofball who hunts demons."

"Oh, you're him."  Xander smiled and waved.  "Understood."

"I've wanted to talk to the guy that shot her anyway."

"My job," she said firmly.

He blew a kiss.  "After we beat his ass he can beg you for a merciful ending.  If you want it to be otherwise, you need to finish healing and come back to work.  Because I've never seen Esposito lose his temper like he did the other day."

She winced.  "On a suspect?"

"On the new captain, who by the way is a huge ass bitch."

"I'll take that as a warning."  She smiled at the officer.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome."  He left it in the hands of the violent one that wanted to destroy people for her pleasure.  He must be her boyfriend or something.

Xander grinned at her.  "I can make cocoa.  Joyce always said it'd help."

"Did she come back too?"

"Buffy and Willow got retrapped," he sighed, looking down then at her.  "Giles and Joyce had died over there."  She hugged him briefly then sat down.  "I'm still mentally messed up over all this.  I'm damn scared I'm going to end up losing Olivia.  Brad and Shannon are cute little biters but Olivia's special.  They're barely talking at the moment.  Daniel swears that they babble but they... they seem younger than Olivia.  Brad is nearly two and he's not really walking.  He'll crawl around but it's not like her 'I'm going to be little for mommy' thing Olivia had."

"It's possible being over there retarded some of their growth.  It's not like Daniel had books, tv, or learning trips to places like the grocery store."

"True.  I'm taking them to her pediatrician tomorrow with his consent."

"That's a good place to start.  If they do need some help catching up then she'd be able to refer you and the city has some of the best specialists in all fields."  Xander nodded.  "Did she take them shopping?"

"Oh, yeah.  Two thousand dollars of baby shopping."  Beckett winced and hissed.  "Mostly not clothes.  New carseats.  Shoes, clothes, all that.  Plus hair things and toys."

"She's a very generous girl."

"She's going to introduce them to the cats and already warned them about Dean's kitty wife being a bit mean to anyone but him."

She laughed, shaking her head.  "Olivia is very original."  He nodded.  "It'll be okay.  I doubt Daniel's going to move to Ireland with them."

"His mother demanded he did."

"Of course she did.  She's his mother."

"I know.  She told him he could leave Olivia and her magic taint over here for a bit though.  I heard her sobbing because both of the other two have some."

"Ow, poor Tara."

"By the way, she's having a few very telling mood swings."

"That's good.  She'll make an excellent mother and you'll fuss over her kid just as much."

"She wanted you to be in the delivery room because she's sure you'll make sure she doesn't stroke out from the pain or anything."

"I'll consider it.  I don't really want to see that miracle in action."

"Me either," he assured her, cracking her up more.  She had to rub her chest.  He got up and moved her, working on her shoulders.  "It's tension, Kate.  Let it go.  You're too tense in most manners of the word."  She shrugged but he kept going until she went limp.  "Does it still hurt?"  She nodded.  He moved her.  "Whoever did the stitches was stingy.  No wonder it's pulling."  She swatted him.  "You have a gap in the skin.  If you apply some aloe gel or lotion that'll ease that tension too."  He sat down.  "I like using peppermint stuff or the stuff for calluses on my scars."

"I haven't thought about that.  I thought about the bleaching stuff."

Xander shook his head.  "It'll make it a thin white line but it'll never fully go away."  She nodded at that.  "Did you do that to your other ones?"  She stared at him then shook her head.  "Then why that one?"

"It's ugly."

"It's proof of surviving, the same as the others are.  The same as all of mine are."

"The others I felt like I couldn't acknowledge if I bleached them out."  She looked at her chest.  "That's still huge and ugly."

"Actually, I've seen some that were worse from open heart surgery.  Remember, they used to open you like an autopsy scar."

"I don't want to think about that."

"I know."  He grinned.  "Lanie's been fussing at everyone.  Even Javier's been on the couch from her nagging."

She smiled.  "I'll call her later."

"You can call others too.  We'd all love to hear from you, talk to you, help you talk it out if you needed us to.  Even Tara, who might cry on you but she'd be more than happy to.  Olivia wanted me to give you a hug."  She smiled and nodded.  "It's been a good bit.  When are you going to quit hiding?"

She shrugged and leaned back, sipping her coffee.  "I don't know.  I'm not ready yet."

"When you are, you'll tell us and we'll have dinner.  Then Lanie and Tara can cry on you while Olivia and Shannon fuss over you."

"I can do that.  I don't know when it'll be."

"We both have phones, woman," he said dryly.

"At least Castle treats me nicer," she taunted.

"I could treat you like the one I want but Peter would be really mad."  He grinned.  "Some reporter asked me if I quit writing gay characters since I got together with Peter."

"Using it as the outlet for what you're not getting?"  He nodded.  "That's sad."

"I told her that I had plenty of gay characters, but some weren't stated yet and some were coming out soon."

"She's psycho."

"She's from one of the LA papers."

"Ah, that explains it."

He grinned.  "Careful, I'm from near there."

"You're not exactly the most well-wound person, Xander."

"I know but I'm more fun than most of them."  He grinned.  "And I've turned it into a profitable career."

"The dating thing or the writing one?" she teased with a smile.

"Both.  Peter's still amazed at what I have.  I told my financial guy to fully disclose to him today."

"That's probably a good idea.  Are some out of the country?"

"Yeah, a lot are in those nice places where the US can't get you for taxes on it.  And I have a vacation home in Brazil."

"That's wonderful," she said with a smile.  "I'm going to use it some day."

He got up and kissed her on the temple.  "Whenever you come back you have an open invitation."  He left her to think and drink more coffee.

She settled in to go over what he had said.  It was good advice and maybe she needed someone to talk to who had nearly been in the same spot.  She had to do mandatory counseling anyway.

***

Xander looked at the pediatrician the next day.  "Daniel and the babies came back."

"I can see that.  These are Olivia's siblings?"

"Yep."  He grinned.  "They've been in a pretty bleak environment.  No tv, no books, only stories told by mom, who's still trapped over there, and dad plus an auntie."

"Okay.  So we need to do basic checks, shots, all that?"

"Well, I'm a bit worried.  By the time Olivia was Brad's age she could walk, she was babbling."

"That could be stress."

"No, even around just Dad, because I sat on the stairs and listened.  Even he's noticed it."

"So you think that since they didn't have the extra stimulation that she did that they might be delayed?"

"I'm afraid to think so.  Shannon's about two months older than Olivia.  He's a year younger.  There's another sibling that Willow's carrying and I'm not sure why there was the gap."

"We can see.  I know a few good behavioral therapists if that's what they need.  I also think that Olivia will encourage them."

"I don't want her to get pushy with them though."

"That I agree with.  That'll take a delicate touch, which Tara has."

"Tara's going to give you a new baby to give shots to," he said with a grin.

"Aww, that's wonderful."  She put on some gloves.  "Hi, guys.  I'm your new doctor.  I'm going to pat and poke you a bit and listen to your chests and bellies."  She looked around.  "Dad?"

"Bonding time with Olivia.  He's not sure what he's doing yet."

"It'll be hard but you'll manage it, even if you do have to do some therapy on both sides."  He nodded.  She picked Brad first to listen to.  "Are they active like she is?"

"Magically?  Yeah.  Daniel said he fussed each and every time there was going to be an earthquake near them.  She's apparently got a danger sense."

She took off Shannon's shirt to check her over because it was a bit tight.  "Wonderful.  Is this mole a birthmark?"

Xander looked and moaned.  "Oh, shit."  She looked at him.  "That's the slayer mole."  She grimaced.  He called Faith.  "I need you at the doc's to compare moles with Shannon."  He hung up.  "If so he's going to have to guard the baby from all of them until she's old enough to train on her own."

"That's a good idea.  I know you guys hate each other."

"They had a price on my head for nearly five years, Doc."

She winced.  "Ow."  She got back to work with them.  She tested reflexes and giggling by tickling them.  Brad gave her a shy grin Olivia used to give her.  Shannon didn't.  Someone knocked and Faith walked in.  "Hi."

"Hi, Doc.  I pulled those stitches last week so I didn't have to bother you."  She stared.  "X, we've got probs."

"She's got the mole," he sighed.

"She's active."  Xander stared at her.  She nodded.  "It's the same feeling I get off B and Kinella."

"How?"

"New realm, only slayer left?" she guessed.  "Craptastic for her though."

Xander nodded.  "And I was thinking she was delayed slightly."

"She is," the doctor admitted.  "They're both about a year to a year-and-a-half behind."  Xander winced and turned to kick the wall.  Then he picked up Brad because he was fussing.  "It's something that can be cured."  Xander relaxed and nodded.  "Can you get that to pass on?"  Faith shook her head.  "So what do we do?"

"Baby karate," Xander said.  Faith nodded quickly.  "Plus some time with her aunties that have the same gift."  He grinned at Faith.

"I'm up for some babysitting sometime.  Grandpa John will be over the moon to have a girl who can hunt."

"Yeah, that's true."  She took the other one to cuddle.  "So, bad things, Doc?"

"Shots."  She smiled.  "Let me get those and the name of the therapist."  Xander nodded, sitting down with him.  She left and came back with a paper and a tray with needles.  "We'll start with their newborn shots today.  That's a few that they'd normally get at the hospital.  Then we'll do a few more each visit until they're caught up."

"That'll work," Xander agreed.  "Olivia gets hers next week."

"I saw that."  She smiled.  "Okay, four ouchies, guys."  She did them and they did fuss but no unusual immediate reactions.  "You know what to watch for?"  Xander nodded.  "Carefully expand their diet like you would one just starting real food."

"We will but last night he gummed on my cheeseburger and she had some of Peter's mild wings.  She likes garlic."

"That's fine."  She smiled and patted them both on the head.  "Two months?"  He nodded.  They left her to take care of other patients.  Xander made the appointment for them, and the one for the therapist while Faith got them buckled into the car.  Then the adults got in to drive off.

Daniel looked up from reading to Olivia with his cousin in the park when he heard the squeak.  "Hi, Shannon."  He hugged her.  "Hi, Brad."  He hugged him.  "This is your cousin George."  They smiled and waved at him.  "So?"

"We have an appointment with a behavioral therapist next week.  They got their newborn shots today," Xander said, flopping down in the grass.  Olivia climbed into his lap.  "The doc thinks that they're about a year or so behind and that it's probably reasonable with them not having the same sort of stimulation most kids get."  Daniel nodded at that.  "And we have an issue."

"With...." George asked.

"A mole on her shoulder."  He stared at Daniel.

"So?" Daniel asked carefully.  Faith sat down and pulled her shirt out of the way.  He stared then at Shannon's shoulder.  "Shite!"

"Yeah," Xander agreed.  "And she's active."

"She is.  She has the same feeling all of the others have."  She took her to cuddle.  "They don't pay any attention to me and Kinella, who got called when I got attacked.  This one....  We'll have to scare them off."

"No, if they try something, she has watchery sorts to train her.  John can probably train her," he told Daniel.  "Olivia calls him Grandpa and loves Dean and Sam.  It'd keep her away from the dickheads."

He smiled.  "That might help.  I need ta think about that."

"Of course you do."  He shoulder nudged him.  "The doctor thinks that the lack of stimulation is easily cured and we should be working them up like you do newly eating ones to real food."

"They can have fruit with me today," Olivia said.

"As long as we mush it up for them," Xander agreed.

"Good."  She smiled at her daddy.  "Do I like fruit because you like fruit?"

"You like fruit because you're real smart," he told her, taking her back to cuddle.  "Any other bad news, Xander?"

"Not at the moment."  He handed over the appointment slips.  Daniel groaned at one.  "It's covered.  They're already on Olivia's insurance and so am I."  Daniel looked at him.  "They canceled mine for being a writer and a demon hunter.  Apparently being a writer tipped me too high risk for them.  So Olivia has insurance and I'm on it as her parent and they're on it as her siblings.  It works for the company so I don't ask.  I just shut up and pay them."

"That'd work for me too," George agreed.

"It can't beat a demon plague's medical bills."

Daniel shook his head.  "No, it can't."  He hugged them to him.  "What about visiting my mother?"

"We've been trying to talk her into coming over here, even with me paying for it," Xander said.  "She's being cranky."

He laughed and nodded.  "My Ma is, yeah."  He smiled. "I'll talk her into it.  It'll be a good second honeymoon for them."  He kissed them all on the head.  "Now what?"

"The only thing on my schedule today is to pounce my man," Xander said with a grin.  "She'd usually be at daycare."  Olivia snorted.  "But I think the bonding is more important."

"Could be."  He grinned.  "You go get pounced and we'll bring them home in a few hours."

"Sure."  He handed him a few bills.  "For lunch."  He stood up.  "Faith?"

"I'm kosher at the moment."  She smiled.

"Okay.  Oh, Tara took back her library books so she's got new ones waiting on her in the potty."  He left, going home so he could do some pouncing.

Daniel smiled.  "It's nice that they're in goofy love."

"Very goofy love," Faith assured him, taking Olivia to hug.  "So, sprout.  Now what?"

"Lunchies?"  She grinned at her father.  "Then shopping?"

"You can go shopping with your auntie later," Faith said.  "We don't have your uncle's wallet."  She nodded, getting up and helping her siblings up so they could go off together.  Faith followed.

"We have her on a schedule since she won't potty train," George told Daniel, helping him up.  They picked up the few books to carry off.  "She gets a piece of candy or something as a treat and some reading time on the pot at home.  When you're out, she gets a later treat."  That got a nod.  "She keeps not realizing she needs to go."

"She's only three.  I was nearly five."

"That's her last big thing to master.  They're working on word things."  He led him back to the rental car they had for the day.  The fast food place with the play area got a grimace from his eldest niece.  "What?" he asked.

"It's okay but I wanted fruit."

"They have fruit things," he assured her.  She huffed but nodded.  "And salads since I know you like them so much."  She smiled at that and squealed, hugging him then running inside.  The other two followed.  Daniel followed all them.  George followed him with Faith.  It was going to be a long afternoon but Daniel would get to see how spoiled his baby girl was.

***

Daniel sighed as he sat down.  The kids were playing around them happily.  "She's so spoiled."

"We tried but now and then she does channel Buffy," Xander quipped.  "We're not sure why or how though.  Especially since Tara and I shop at thrift stores for most everything and we help her donate her old stuff."

"That's good," Daniel agreed.  "I was nearly five before I potty trained."

"We've been working on it now for ten months."

He nodded.  "It'll finally go sometime."  He leaned back, watching them play.  They weren't as lively and active as Olivia had been.  "Is it possible there's some extra spells on them?"

"I thought Tara removed them.  I won't interrupt her crying over dinner tonight to ask but we'll see tomorrow?  She's got it off anyway."  Daniel looked at her.  "She got knocked up in a dish."

"Oh, yeah.  I noticed the fussiness."  Xander grinned and nodded.  "That one?"

"Will be my minion of spoiling too."  He grinned.  "I taught Olivia how to fuss over sick people."

"She does it extremely well," Peter said from where he was typing.  "Her twitter people are worried."

Xander groaned but grabbed his own laptop to put up a message. "'Liv, your people on the computer want to know about your siblings."

She squealed and came over.  Xander taped it for her and they put it up.  Then she went to babble at her sister and brother about the people in the computer who knew she was pretty and smart.

"Seriously?" Daniel asked impatiently.

"He's very concerned about her safety," Xander said.  "Because he knows I'll kill him if he's not."  Daniel smirked at him.  "She interrupted an interview to talk about what wedding dresses Peter and I should wear.  The reporter thought it was beautiful and included it.  The next day, she had a few thousand people on twitter who think she's brilliant but a bit warped."

"Yeah, I think the same thing," Daniel agreed.  Xander showed him the wedding dress video.  He had it saved to his system.  Daniel burst out laughing, nodding.  "That's my girl."  He hugged her when she came closer.

"Daddy, you're wrinkling my prettiness."  She got free and got some grapes, bringing them out.  "Can they eat grapes?"

"Get me a knife so we can cut them up," Xander said.  She got him the covered ones that she was allowed to hand to a big person.  He got a bowl too and cut them into quarters.  That helped and the kids enjoyed it.

Daniel shook his head.  "They're insane."

"They're girls and they were warping Brad like I got warped by Willow too."

Peter laughed.  "Quite possibly." he smiled.  "Beckett?"

"Is having some deeper thoughts but we worked some things out.  I talked to Gregor about some people's idea that she was fair game.  I offered to blow off all my stress too."  He grinned.  "There's no longer a price on her head."

"Is good," Peter agreed. "I talked to him too when he called here.  Your ex is very boring and only thinks he is very tough."

Xander leaned over to kiss him.  "I have the better man.  I know very well I won the man olympics gold medal when I landed you."  He smirked. "Did the reporter in LA ask if you were writing het characters because you were with me?"

Peter snorted.  "Yes and I pointed out most spies are not gay, it interferes with the job when they cannot sex up other spies.  Though I did note that most of us are bisexual and picked for that benefit."  He smirked.  Xander kissed him again.

"Dean's heart's not here to get stronger from mushy," Olivia said.  "Baby sister and brother not need to get stronger either.  Be mushy for dessert."  She grinned at them and went back to her grapes.

Daniel shook his head.  "You're mouthy today."

"Most days," Xander admitted.  "Often on some."

"Smart babies will some day rule the world, like on that movie."  She grinned.

"You can't be an evil overlord, dear.  I'd spank," Xander assured her.  "Then you'd have punitive naps for *months* on end.  All the way through Christmas."  She whimpered and shook her head.  "So no being a bad girl who can take over the world."

"Yes, Uncle Xander."  She smiled.  "Can we have sleepover?"

"As far as I know only Dean's here so we have rooms."  She squealed and hugged him, dragging her father up to help her make up beds for everyone.  She introduced him to Dean's kitty wife too.  That way he didn't touch her things that smelled like Dean.

Xander looked at the other two, getting down to play blocks with them.  They liked that and it was good for them.  He'd help them be just as smart as their sister.

Peter smiled and got down to help.  The kids needed to be mouthy like their sister.

***

Daniel and Xander both met with the behavioral therapist after she got done talking to and playing with the kids.  Xander laid out the schedule they had used with Olivia, and the daycare they used knew that they needed some extra work.  Daniel went over what he could do to help them.  Xander made suggestions and she agreed with most of them.  The first thing was to get them walking, talking, and eating normally.  It wasn't the most unusual case ever but it was pretty close and it'd take some work.  She agreed with the general idea and their current plans.  Including on how to let Olivia help them.  She also had some ideas on the potty training thing when Xander asked.  So that might help too.

They walked out into an ambush by two officers and a few cameras.  "Guys, is this really necessary?" Xander asked, putting on his sunglasses.  "Get the cameras away from Olivia's siblings, people.  Now."  They moved back.  "The same rules apply to them as they do to Olivia."  Most of the camera people nodded.  He looked at the two detectives.  "Did the Mayor make them follow you around?"

"No we saw them laying in wait for you," Javier Esposito said with a smirk.  "We figured we'd wait and make sure you made it to the car then go question our victim's ex."

"Cool, thanks."  Xander looked at the reporters.  "Two questions, and then we're going for ice cream."

"Is that Olivia's father?" one shouted.

"I am," Daniel agreed.  "I managed to get back a few days ago with the kiddies."

"Your wife?" one asked him.

"Still trapped there."

"We're still working on it," Xander said.  "Right now, only Willow and Buffy are missing from the LA team.  The rest were recently rescued and took back their city."  They nodded.  "The last one?"

"There's been reports you were mean and becoming bipolar.  Are you?" one asked in a perky voice.

"The day that Detective Beckett got shot, Peter and I were at a convention in Baltimore.  People kept trying to keep me from getting back here.  I was really stressed and I wrote out apologies to the airline staff."  He stared at her.  "No, I'm not bipolar.  Thank you."

"There was a reporter in LA that said you had an MPD shift."

"No, that was me falling into hunting mode.  If you knew any officers or soldiers they probably have the same thing."

"Oh."  She grimaced.  "So not cracking up?"

"Only laughing that you put on four inch, really ugly heels to come question me."  He stared at her.  "Because, girlfriend, my niece would howl about the ugly shoes."  He walked off with the Detectives following.  Esposito was cackling as quietly as he could.

"She would," Ryan agreed, shaking his head.  He grinned at Daniel.  "I'm Detective Kevin Ryan and this is one of my partners, Javier Esposito.  If Olivia was talking about an upcoming wedding it's mine.  She's really pushing to get to wear a pretty dress for it."

"She said something about that, yeah."  He shook their hands.  "Is that normal?"

"No, that's the reporter wanting to cure Xander of having Peter," Kevin said.  "It's not her first time."

"Olivia chides full grown women?"

"She's nagged a few that've pounced Dean that they weren't pretty in the really short skirts," Kevin said.

"She looked at one of the mothers at the daycare and asked if her she had the same job as the ladies on the corner up the street," Xander said.  "I had to stop her by putting a hand over her mouth but she had pegged it.  The lady looked like a ho."

"Olivia's a great girl.  We love Olivia, even when she does steal toys from Xander to give to me."  Kevin grinned.  "Is she ungrounded from that?"

"Yeah.  Why?"

"Jenny's cousins are coming in this weekend to meet me.  They have about seven kids.  We're doing it in the park and my nieces and nephews are going to be there too.  I was going to invite her to play."

"She likes your nephew Toddy.  Thinks he's a girl trapped in a boy's body," Javier said.

"His mother is so pissed at that."

"I can bring her by the park for a few hours," Xander offered.  "She's been mostly good and her dad will need some calming down time anyway."  Daniel nodded.  "That way your mom can beg for her as a grandchild again."

"Bro, his and my mom," Javier complained.

"Did you tell her I'm with Peter so she can't adopt her?"

"Yeah, she said if her father came back I should hit on him.  Or I should show up with a girl I've already knocked up so she can cry on her."

"You can ask Tara if she wants to play along."

"Nah.  Mom would sob on her."  He shook his head.  "Lanie's nowhere near that stage for greater thoughts."

"I'd lend you mine but we're not planning on that yet," Kevin quipped.

"You two are work partners?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah," they agreed.

"They're the best friend sort of partners, though someone did tell Kevin's girlfriend that.  So I got to use some of the warping by Willow and Buffy to help him."  He grinned.

Daniel shook his head.  "I thought the people in LA were insane."  They all cackled and Xander patted him on the back.  "Let's get the tots home.  Have a good time catching the bad guy, guys."  They nodded and left.  Once he and Xander were in the car with the babies he looked at him.  "Are you sure they're not together?"

"They say they're not."  He started the car then got out and got the babies out.  "Get my phone from the glovebox," he said hurriedly.  "Guys, clear back please, I just heard a click when I started it!"  They did and someone called someone.  Daniel went to the park with the kids, escorted by one of the officers.

The Bomb Squad truck pulled up.  "We sure?"

"No but it clicked and I didn't have anything on when I turned her off."  He handed over the keys.  "Two guns in the trunk.  One in the glove box."  That got a nod and they moved to carefully look it over.  At the whistle, Xander winced.  "Any clue?"

"One of the ones you got us the manual for from that Brazilian explosives chick," the guy under the car called.  "Thank you for those by the way."

"Welcome."  He crossed his arms over his chest.  "There's a few possible causes.  The usual death threats from the hate groups.  Someone from the Council who wants Daniel's kids."  They groaned.  "Or someone else who hates Peter."

"Too sophisticated yet not practical enough for a pro," the guy said, coming out from under the car with it.

Xander looked, tipping his head to the side.  "That's a part number from Alabama by the company's address."

He looked.  "So a church who hates you or the Council?"

"Yeah.  I'm not sure which.  Let me... you guys take the car?"  They nodded with a smirk.  "Thanks."  He got into the trunk and got his axe and two guns.  "Let me go tell Peter and then grab Daniel and the kids from the park."  He walked off shaking his head.  "We'll be home for days."

"Of course you will."  They shared a look and one called a wrecker while the other went over everything in the car.

***

Peter walked into a bar later that night and looked around.  Everyone pointed.  "I am not here for my nephew.  Who built the bomb?"

"Council people," someone said.  "Please go destroy them?  They want one of my cousins."

"Gladly."  He walked off calling a few people he knew.  Mickey walked out to join him.  "Secret society in England is not that unusual."

"No, but these ones are crackheads."

"Quite."  They shared a smirk.  "I will protect what is the family's."

"I'll help some people have fun."  He walked off humming.  It was finally going to be an interesting week.  Robert hadn't had a case in months.

Peter went home and came off the elevator.  "Is Council."

"They are dead," Xander said in Russian, staring at him.  "Even if I have to unleash the warehouse on them."

"Mickey has friends."

Xander beamed and blew a kiss.  "Good.  I like your nephew.  I'd never date him but I definitely like your family a lot."  He took a kiss and handed him a mug.  "Your fire escape buddy called."  He strolled off.  "Daniel has the kids in the warehouse looking around.

Peter called him.  "You called?"  He listened.  "Tell him he is unworthy of what is mine so therefore unworthy of her."  He hung up.  He finished his drink.  Then he went to have filthy, quick sex with his husband.  There were sometimes too many people in the house.  They had to end it when Olivia called up the stairs about wanting dinner.

***

Xander walked into the local demon council the next morning with the kids.  "This is the demon council's meeting area," he told them.  Brad was looking awed at all the strange people.  Shannon scowled at a few.  "They're not harmful, Shannon.  They would never hurt you or your family.  Or else I'd kill them."  She grinned at him.  He showed them the nursery, which caught Olivia's attention.  Then he took the other two to the meeting room.  "Morning."

"She's a slayer," one said firmly.

Xander looked and nodded.  "Faith noticed that and Kinella adores Shannon."  He grinned.  "These are Olivia's siblings you wanted to know about?"  That got a groan.  "If that's why the Council tried to blow me up, they're fucked."

"No, they had no idea about her.  They hate you again," the head of the Council said.  She stared at the children.  "They're quieter than their sister."

"We're working on that.  They didn't have too much stimulating things there.  No going places, no meeting new people, nothing beyond the little safe area they had."

"That is reasonable."  She leaned on the table to look at them.  "He's magically active."

Xander grinned.  "They're both active."

"Oh, dear," she sighed.

He knew that sigh.  "Prophecy I can warp?"  She nodded, having it sent in.  He read it and nodded, tucking the book under his arm.  "I'll send it back later."  He winked.  "Anyway.... Dad's figuring things out.  He's slowly getting closer to Olivia and getting used to her quirks. She's loving being a big sister."

"That's excellent."  They smiled and the babies grinned back.  "Be safe."

"I do have the warehouse," Xander reminded them with a feral grin.  "And explosives.  Beckett's not even in town if I need something."  He cackled as he walked them off.  Olivia came out scowling.  "What?  Auntie Kate can't complain if I need the pretty weapons to protect you guys."

She huffed.  "No cackling.  They might want you for being scary and you gave your scary cabinet to Unclie Rick."  She walked off with him.  She was good at pushing her siblings in the stroller.

"She's going to be a better driver than I am," one demon dressed like a cabbie joked.

Xander grinned.  "She can learn in school.  I'm not that strong."  The cabbie laughed and nodded.  Xander took them home.  "It's the Council," he announced.  "And not about Shannon."

"Crap," Daniel muttered from the couch.  The kids got released and they moved to play.  He watched.  His younger two weren't doing as good as their older sister and it made him sad, but they'd be learning a lot now.  He looked at Xander.  "Can I take tonight off?"

"Sure."

"You certain?"

Xander texted Peter and Paula both.  Peter said that they had dinner reservations but he thought it was for tomorrow, or it'd be for tomorrow.  Paula agreed it was clear.  "Yeah, Peter said we can go out to dinner tomorrow.  Paula said I don't have anything.  Go spend some time with George getting drunk, Daniel.  You need the destressing just like they do."  Daniel grinned and hugged the kids, telling Olivia that he was going out for the night.  Xander sat down to go over that prophecy again.  He emailed Wesley about it, who said it was iron clad and not even he could warp it.  He pointed out that if it was so ironclad they'd already be in deep.  Wesley moaned and asked if it was Olivia.  He said it was Shannon and he'd be helping train her with the Winchesters.  He agreed that was acceptable and he'd cover for her.  Then he realized it meant that they should've already had an attack so maybe it was a good thing to warp.  Xander called John.  "It's me."

"Hi, Grandpa!" Olivia called with a wave, but not looking at him and the phone.

"Olivia and her sibs said hi.  Including the one who Faith said feels real familiar."  He listened to John moan.  "Yeah, that's what I meant.  Here.  Daniel's out tonight.  She needs some work but she'll be okay.  And a prophecy too."  He grinned.  "Sure, I'm home."  He hung up.  "Grandpa will be over soon."  Olivia beamed and got up to go to the fridge.  "Didn't you just eat?"

"Grandpa never eats.  I'm making him salad."  She smirked.  "He needs salad."

"Fine.  I'm sure he'll appreciate it and if not you can have it for dinner."  Which was probably her intention he realized.  She was insane with her girl food.

***

Xander walked out to meet the person ringing his bell.  He stared at them.  "Yes?"

"Are you Mr. Harris?"

Xander stared at him.  Uptight suit.  English accent.  Clearly not a lawyer or diplomat.   "Shut the fuck up, Watcher.  I already know who you are."  The man stuttered.  Xander stared him down.  "What did you want?"

"One of our charges...."

Xander held up a hand.  "Let me make something *exceedingly* clear to you, dude.  I'm the same Xander that was helping Buffy, Kendra, and Faith."  The man nearly wet himself and started to shake.  "If there's a baby slayer within my family, she's *mine* to train and the Council had better back the fuck off.  Am I clear?  Because if I find another bomb on my car from you guys, there's no way I won't show up for a chat when I'm over there signing things."

The man swallowed and nodded.  "We did not...."

"This is the *warehouse*," Xander said dryly.

"Oh, then I suppose we did because we didn't like it being under your management."

"Yay.  You and a few crack dealers."  The man grimaced and shook his head.  "You leave me and mine alone and we don't have problems.  You come after me, anyone in my family grouping, including any of the LA team or Tara, and I'm going to make my hyena days look so fun."  The man nodded.  "Now," he said with a smile.  "Anything else?"

"No," he squeaked, backing up.  "Let me pass on that message."

"Sure."  He beamed.  "And if there's a slayer within the family grouping?  I know plenty of hunters and I've worked with three slayers, including the current two.  I'm pretty damn sure I can help train her."

"I'll report that."  He turned and fled.

Xander looked at the man in the shadows.  "She made you a salad."

"That's about usual for Olivia," John agreed, stepping out.  "What a weenie."

"Yup.  Want to go work on Shannon with me?  Brad's sleeping."

"Sure."  He followed him up.  Xander did splash him with holy water in the elevator and by the time they got up there, the smoke was already floating out and heading for the balcony doors.

"Eww, stinky demon butt smoke."  Olivia opened the doors. "Out before you make me less pretty and I have to turn into Unclie Dean!"  The demon fled.  "Thank you for cooperating!"  She shut the doors again and bounced over to hug him.  "Hi, Grandpa.  I made you a salad because you never eat."  She beamed.

"I'll eat it while I see how Shannon's doing."

"Okay!"  She bounced off to get it for him and the bottle of salad dressing he usually liked.

John went over what she could do.  Olivia taught her how to use her nerf crossbow.  That was cool with the baby slayer.  John also showed her how to stretch properly.  Olivia and Brad got the same lessons.  They were more than happy to be stretching.  John ate between things to keep Olivia happy.  The other two got some of it too though, because he loved them enough to let them pick up their sister's food habits.  It'd save his body from the roughage.  They wore all three kids into a nap there on the rug.  John groaned as he pulled himself up onto a couch.  "Prophecy BS?"  Xander showed it to him.  "Crap."

"Yup."  He grinned.

"We'll let Sammy work on the warping this time.  I think you infected him."  Xander smirked.  Peter came off the elevator.  "Holy water?"

Xander kissed him.  The demon in Peter fled with a shriek.  Peter shrugged.  "I enjoyed it."  He took another one then sat down.  "They're napping?"

"We wore them out," John said proudly.

"Nice work."  He settled in next to Xander.  "How can we help them?"

"We need to do what we did when we first got Olivia," Xander said.  "Working them up to it."  They nodded.  "Then we'll work on things like special training so Brad's able to shield from the Mother Goddess.  So Shannon's able to hide what she is so she's not attacked.  Olivia on learning how to be more subtle."

"She is nicely blunt.  I never worry what she is thinking," Peter said.

"Me either."

John nodded.  "She's got a one-track mind usually."  They all sighed and Xander checked his wallet.  John laughed.  "Did she go shopping?"

"She tried to steal it earlier so her daddy could take them shopping."

"He had sense?" Peter asked.  Xander nodded.  "Is good.  She would bankrupt a full country shopping."

"She learned where the mythical kingdom of Tiffany's is," Xander sighed.  "Martha told her."  They both groaned.  "I made Martha and Alexis tell her how that was a mythical store for princesses to shop at when they were ready to take on their kingdoms or getting married to a prince.  That was Alexis' idea."

"She'd bankrupt everyone in there."

Xander nodded. "Martha took her to look at things."  John shivered.  "They all thought Olivia was just adorable and had excellent taste."

Peter cuddled Xander.  "She is not that sort of princess at the moment."

"No, she'll turn into Cordy before that sort of princess."  He rested his head on his mate's shoulder.  "John, anything I could be doing?"

"No, so far it's a good plan.  She needs all that first and we can easily protect her until she's older."  That got a joint nod.  "Let me tell the boys."  He took the book to photocopy in the office and left, going back to the apartment.  Dean was sulking.  "Your cat came down to greet me."

"That's good."  John handed him the prophecy.  "Who?"

"Shannon."

"Fuck."

"Basically.  We're working on it though."

"Even better."  He got up and typed it into their computer to Sam's email.  He could check that on his phone wherever he was.  He and his father sat down to work on the prophecy issue.  Xander wasn't the only one that could warp one.

***

Sam, who was being held hostage by some watchers, heard his phone ring.  One smirked.  "It's my brother wondering if I'm making it home for dinner."

"No, you're not," he sneered.  "Probably not ever again for being so problematic, boy."

That was when SWAT busted in with Kinella.  She strolled in after them.  She even got to knock a few watchers around.  She stared at them.  "I am the last slayer called," she announced.  One gasped.  "The Council is not wanted by any of the slayers any longer.  You have defiled us and our calling as well as your own."  She cut Sam free.  "No single being can be everywhere to handle every problem.  Those of us who actually do the work appreciate the hunters because they help us.  That way it's not a solo duty that makes us die before it's our time."  She sneered at them.  "Never come back after us.  The slayer essence knows of your misdeeds.  It told me before Faith did."  She walked Sam out.  "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Kinella.  Thank you."  He grinned at her.  "Most of the hunters appreciate you girls too."  She grinned back.  Sam let the ambulance driver check him over and signed the form.  Then he stood up beside her.  "Are you going to LA with one of the hunters?"

"I had plans of it."  She winked.  "Gunn is adorable."

"He's single too."  She smirked at him.  "Just be gentle and make sure he's not dating Fred."

"I can do that."  She waved.  "Have fun in hell.  It's where you belong."  One of the SWAT guys came over to talk to her.  Sam got into his phone, finding the email.  He sent one to John, who sent one back through Dean.  He nudged her and handed her that message.  She read it and handed it over.  "None of the slayers want them any longer.  They are a bane and an anathema to our calling.  They make us leave the proper path of hunting for their puny minded and penis'd ways."  They nodded, making note of that.  And of the other email he had open.  She looked then at him.  "Who?" she demanded.  Sam mouthed it.  She growled.  "Over their dead bodies!  They've been taking charge of baby future slayers for years and ruining them!  I'll be damned if they're going to do it again!  Especially not to that one!"

The SWAT guy smiled.  "What?"  She spat it out in her native language.

One of the officers looked over.  "In the US, ma'am?"

"A few probably are.  We have no idea.  They're British."

He grinned.  "The Council people?"  She nodded.  "Well, fuck them then.  No one steals a kid around here and doesn't get punished."  The SWAT guy stared at him so he translated what she had said.

"Yeah, we'll look into them and if we can't, there's an FBI agent somewhere that would love to."  She smiled and walked Sam off.  "Please be safe," he called, finishing up the report.  Once he got back to the office, dragging that translating officer with him, his boss got a sit down report.  His boss was not happy.  Especially since they had tried to bomb Harris.  They put a car on Tara's house and the two detectives he worked with most of the time.

The other was listed as injured but out of town so they just phoned her to warn her.  Then the boss called his cousin, who was ATF.  Even if it wasn't their job, they could pass it to whoever they wanted to.  He showed up to get that information.  By the time he left, he was pissed off and there were Homeland guys and FBI guys in his personal phone book who'd hate to have their dinner interrupted but yay.  One of them called someone in the State Department.  That one showed up with a partial file already started.

When someone tried to stop some of the problem solving going on, they got arrested too.  Pity about the Treasury guy who was in debt to a demon.  They found out that he had been screwing with Harris too so they fixed that as well.

By that morning there was enough paperwork done to make sure this investigation never went away no matter who was sucking which demon's cock.

***

Daniel came home the next morning and found Olivia up without any adult.  "Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked quietly, sitting down and pulling her into his lap.

"Probably."  She kissed him on the tip of the nose.  "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine.  I needed a night out to calm myself down."

"Just don't get lost again," she said, staring into his eyes.  "You're my only daddy."  He cuddled her.  She snuggled in.  "Are we staying with Uncle Xander?"

"For right now," he agreed.  "I have no idea after that."  She patted him on the chest.  He grinned.  "You're a great and good girl."

"Yes I am."

He tickled her.

Peter came downstairs with a gun in his hand then sighed.  "Olivia."  She squeaked and looked over Daniel's shoulder at him.  "Be less loud?  The others are napping."

"Sorry."  She grinned.  "I made juicies."

Peter looked at the juicer that she had sat on the floor and the pitcher in the right spot.  It had a lot of red juice.  "The strawberries?"  She smiled and nodded.  "Nice job.  Rest for now.  We have an hour before we have to get up."  He went back upstairs.

Olivia looked at her daddy again.  "If you ever get lost again I'm going to make Shannon be the mean and not as pretty one so she can beat you up for me."

He smiled.  "I'll expect that if I ever get lost again."  She snuggled in again.  "Are you allowed to make juice?"  She shook her head.  "Then we'll make sure your uncles aren't mad later."

"Won't be.  They need breakfast."  She grinned.  "Then they have to talk about wedding so I can wear a pretty dress and so can they."

"Boys wear suits."

She snorted and waved a hand.  "Boys have to wear dresses so they're beautiful on their special day.  They need to be pretty too."

He kissed her on the head.  "You're a bit warped, dear."

"It's from Mommy."

Daniel looked at her.  "Did your uncle say that?"

"No.  But Mommy was.  Even the demons agree I'm warped because Mommy was sometimes a stupid head.  They wanted to make sure I didn't do bad things like she did.  I don't though because Auntie Tara makes sure I'm a good girl."  She grinned and played with his shirt buttons.  "Uncle Xander said that everyone has stupid head days, it's the days I get grounded."

"Could be," he agreed.

"One of the council members told her that," Xander called.

"Did you yell?"

"Yup."

"Thank you."  He looked at her.  "Your mother is human and all humans are imperfect," he said quietly.  "The same as you and I aren't perfect."

"I know.  I wouldn't have accidents if I was."

He cuddled her.  "Those'll end too.  I was nearly five, pumpkin."  She grinned. "You're smarter than me though so you'll get it sooner than I did."  She kissed him on the tip of the nose again and snuggled in.  She floated over a book.  "Should you do that?"

"No.  I'm too lazy to get up.  The kitties woke me because they were hungry."

Daniel shook his head.  "We can feed them."

"I opened some wet food and put them in the bathroom because one was howling."  She opened the book and let it read to them.  Daniel sniffled and hugged her hard.  Xander had told him she had done that but she had gotten his voice exact.  He heard a thump.  "I'm down here, Brad."  The baby crawled down the stairs and over to them, letting him pull him up beside them.  Brad snuggled in and listened to.  "Shannon, are you up?" he called quietly.  She babbled noise but came down to cuddle.  Olivia floated over another book that would read to all of them.  It made her daddy and siblings feel better.

Brad pulled over his sister's hand to suck on.  That made him happy and they were all cuddly so Shannon and his other sister were happy.

Daniel smiled at his horde of kids.  They were all great.  Peter came back down the stairs and took a picture on his way to start coffee.  He picked up the juice machine and pitcher of strawberry juice.  Daniel pointed at the bathroom.

"I heard the howling," Peter admitted, going to let the cats out.  Then he went back to making breakfast.  Xander wobbled down to help, taking a kiss from Peter on his way.  "Cats were in bathroom."

"She can stay inside today," he decided.  Peter nodded.  They fixed a huge breakfast, because the kids needed eggs to be less nibbly later.  Brad was teething and bit really hard.

Dean's cat hopped up to stare at Olivia.  "Next time don't wake me up at the buttcrack of dawn," she ordered with a scowl.  "Then you won't be in the bathroom."  She pulled her over to cuddle.  "I'm so glad you can't give Uncle Dean babies.  They'd be furry and weird."  Xander snickered.  "Bagels?" she asked hopefully.

"Toast.  Eggs.  The juice you made."

"Bagels?" she begged.

"Grounded anyway," Xander quipped.  "For locking the cats in the bathroom.  Next time wake me up."

"Yes, Uncle Xander."  She huffed but cuddled in again.  It meant she'd get to play with her siblings all day instead of daycare and that was fine with her.  They had to learn to love her like the people in the computer did.

Daniel shook his head.  They had clearly warped Olivia a lot but she was a lot like her mother.

***

Tara looked up from kicking someone in the library, smiling at their security guard.  "He pulled a knife on me and said I'd never do another spell again."  She kicked him again with a grin.

"Miss Maclay, are you all right?  Usually you're not this violent," the guard said gently.

She rubbed her stomach.  "It's Xander's next minion of spoiling."

"Ah!"  He nodded.  "My wife's had two, dear.  Why don't you sit before your ankles swell and I'll have him arrested?  Is his knife under him?"  She floated it over where she had thrown it into a shelf.  "Thank you.  Go sit and put your feet up for a few minutes.  Swelling ankles made my wife miserable both times and kept her from working a few days."

She hugged him.  "Thank you for handling him for me."  She went back to the desk.

The guard wisely called the detectives Tara liked to work with.  They'd adore this one.  They asked him a question so he looked down at the idiot.  "Are you Council?"  The guy could only moan.  "No clue, Detective.  He's only moaning."  He hung up and waited.  The head librarian came in from lunch and stared at the guy on the ground.  "How far along is Miss Maclay?" he asked quietly.

She winced.  "I wasn't aware she had finally went in for it."  He pointed at the guy.  "Threatened her?"

"With a knife.  She's put her feet up so her ankles don't swell."

"That's a good idea."  She walked off happier with that idea.  "Tara, dear, when are you due?" she called as she walked past where she was dusting.

"I'm in my second month."  She beamed.  "This one's going to be a spoiler just like Olivia.  Xander and I will make sure of it."

Her boss smiled.  "Congratulations, dear.  Was he a mood swing?"

"He threatened me with a knife!"  She snorted and waved a hand.  "He was kind of pathetic too."

"That's fine.  Let me know if there's another one.  All right?"  Tara beamed and nodded.  "Good girl.  You finish dusting and I'll man the desk."  She put down her jacket and things, moving to the desk.  When the phone rang and it turned out to be a nosy reporter she said that they did not make statements about Tara's personal life, to ask her or Xander.  Then she hung up.

Tara strolled past.  "I'm announcing it on Olivia's twitter feed."  She beamed.  "They love Olivia's siblings now too."  She grabbed her phone and sent that message then went back to her dusting and helping kids pick out books based on what Olivia had loved.

Her boss smiled at the woman walking up to the desk.  "Ready to check out?"  The woman pointed a gun at her.  "Oh, dear.  We don't have money or anything."  She winced when she felt the wind whip past her and that woman started to shriek, then suddenly the noise was silenced but she was still hollering.  The wind pushed her back out the door and down the stairs into the street.

Javier Esposito got out of the car and picked up the guy.  "Hey, Merry."

"She's mean," she whined.

"Tara's pregnant, Merry," Kevin said with a smile.  "She's giving Xander a new spoiling niece of nephew.  And you just pissed off the scary pregnant woman with magic."

"Oops," she said in a tiny voice. "I'm really sorry.  Can I ...run or something?"

"Hell no.  You pulled a gun in a library," Javier said, hauling her up to handcuff her.  "We'll let the block doc look you over."  He put her in the car and Kevin went in to get the other guy.  "What did he do?"  He looked at his partner.  "She still a bit breezy?"

"Just a tiny bit.  It's presently fixing her hair."  He smirked at him.  "He was threatening that Tara would never use magic again to save all our butts."

"Bro, that's so stupid of him," he decided, smirking at the idiot.  "I'm telling Xander.  He's *very* stressed since Olivia's father finally got found with her siblings."  The man shrank down and they put him into the car.  They took them to Taylor, who they had been told was handling Beckett's job with the demon community.  Flack was there when they handed them over.  "He threatened the pregnant witch not to use magic again and for some reason she pulled a gun in the same damn library," Esposito said with a smirk.  "Have fun with them.  Her name's Merry, like in Christmas, Evans."  They walked off.

"Tara's pregnant?" Taylor called.

"Two months," Ryan called with a wave back at them.

Taylor texted John Winchester about anything they should worry about with her mood swings.  He could probably talk to her about them safely enough.  Flack got to process those two for arrest.  Taylor went to take an advil, a tums, and a large glass of milk.

***

Olivia was out with her daddy alone when someone bad came up to them.  He knocked her daddy out.  "You mother fucker!" she shouted, thinking really hard about how she floated books to move him.  "Help!  He hurt my daddy!"  People came running.  One of them grabbed her so she kicked him.  "That's my daddy, you don't touch me!"

"I'm taking you to safety," he said.

"No!"  He went flying across the street.  "Not the family!"  An officer ran over.  "That's my daddy!" she said with a point.  "He hurt him.  That one tried to take me!"

"Okay, Olivia, calm down," the officer ordered.  "Let me handle it."  He called in for backup and someone to call someone in the family group.  "Did he hit your daddy on the head?"  She sniffled and nodded.  "We'll get him an ambulance and I've told Dispatch to call your uncles.  Okay?"  She nodded, hugging his arm.  "For now, can you let me go so I can arrest him?  Let him down so I can put him in handcuffs and then I'll give you a hug?"  She nodded, pouting at him.  He flopped down with a groan.  "Good girl, thank you."  He arrested him.  More officers showed up.  The ambulance hadn't yet.  "Can someone call her uncle, aunt, someone?"

"No answer at home," one said.  He looked at her.  "Let's go to the station where your aunt and uncles work.  That way they can watch you?"

She looked at him.  He felt funny to her.  "You don't feel like a good guy.  You feel really mad."

"I had a fight with my wife over stupid things, I'm not mad at you," he assured her.  She looked at the first officer.

"You can trust him or else your Uncle Xander will kick his butt.  I'll make sure your daddy gets to the ER to have his bump looked at and then bring him to the house or the detectives."

She nodded.  "Okay," she said quietly.  She went with the angry feeling one.  "No carseat?"

"I don't have one that'll fit you.  I think it'll be okay on the way to the station though.  You're pretty big."  She nodded, climbing into the back when he opened the door.  He helped her buckle in then walked around to get in and drive.

***

Olivia was walked into the building.  "This is not the station!"

"Shut up," the fake officer ordered.

"I need the potty!  Before I have an accident!"

"You can hold it."

"No I can't!"

He sneered.  "You're not that old?"

She kicked him on the shin.  "I'm still working on it.  Potty training is hard!"  She kicked him again.  "I need the potty."  Someone grabbed her by the hair and she reacted.  They knocked her out but did toss her into the bathroom to lock her in there.

"She's feisty but we'll end this menace to the Council," the sneering officer's partner said.

"I hope so."

***

Tara lifted her head.  "Someone just hurt Olivia."  Her boss made shooing motions.  She called Xander on the way.  "Someone hurt Olivia.  I can't!  I think she's knocked out!"  She grabbed her jacket and ran for the door.

***

Xander listened.  "Okay, only a few people it could be.  Do a location spell, Tara.  You have one set on her."  He hung up and threw his phone.  Then he picked it up and did a conference call.  "People, someone took Olivia.  Tara said she just got knocked out."

"Someone filed a report that a mugger knocked out her father," Dean said.  "Came over the police band scanner.  "They sent her with an officer.  They were supposed to be calling you from what it said."

"Get ready to meet me and stop me, Peter.  I'm going to lose my fucking mind."  He hung up and called someone else.  "Esposito, who took Olivia from wherever Daniel got knocked out?  And send someone to watch the tots.  Now.  Tara said Olivia's knocked out, that's why."  He heard the swearing start.  "Who?"  He nodded, packing an action kit.  The kids he was babysitting were watching.  "Please.  Thank you.  Within a second's notice at the moment.  I'm packing now."  He hung up and packed a few extra things.  Be damned if Beckett would even stop him this time.

Rick came off the elevator a minute later.  "They used the tracker on the car he stole.  It's there.  SWAT is already heading."

"They can stop me too," he muttered.  He kissed the kids on the head.  "Let me save your sister."  He left, going down to the car.  Peter was waiting beside it.  "C'mon."

"I can drive."

"Sure.  That way I can make sure my guns are loaded."  He got in and Peter did drive.  Xander slid him a few extra guns and a knife.  Peter smiled at him for that thoughtful gesture. "I'm so wanting to kill someone."

"Me as well.  Stay calm, we will get her."

Xander nodded.  "I hope so."  They made it there and SWAT was already inside.  "Shoot, I won't get to kill anyone."  He got out and walked over to one of the kneeling people.  "Where is my niece?"

The man sneered.  "It won't matter."  Xander pulled out something and he scooted back.  "I know what that thing is."

"I built that thing."  He smirked.  "Olivia is like my daughter.  Speaking of, who are you with?"

"Harris," one of the SWAT guys called.

"Bite me for the second."  He tossed the grenade up and then caught it.  "Five more seconds and it's going down your pants."  He stared at him.  "Who.  Are.  You.  With?"

"The Council wanted this whole group eliminated!" the other shouted.  The first glared at him.  "You're an abomination and a threat to them!"

"Only if you screw with me," Xander said.  "The same as it was back in Sunnydale."  He stared at them.

Peter looked at the grenade then at them.  "Is over too soon."

"It's a poison gas one," Xander said with a grin for him.  "It's based on a demon chemistry formula.  It'll take about six days for them to die as their lungs are eaten cell by cell."  He looked at them again.  Even the SWAT guys were looking scared.

Tara walked behind him.  "If that's the gas one, it's still over too soon.  Willow's books had a spell that does it more slowly."

"Yeah, but I should not cast magic," he reminded her.  "And neither should you right now, dear."

"Good point."  She stared at them.  Then up.  "Do I have any poker debts?" she asked herself.

"I do," Xander admitted.  "Nothing that harmful though."

"There is a warehouse in London," Peter said.  "It has a guardian as well.  You could talk to your fellow guardian."

"I probably could," Xander agreed.  "We'll be over there in a few months anyway for the book tour."

One of the SWAT captains that had worked a few of the battles against demons walked over to stand between them.  "She's fine, Harris.  She was in the bathroom.  She had an accident and is a bit embarrassed.  She's worried about her daddy.  The officer who sent her off with this one is very sorry, he didn't know.  Can you calm down a tiny little bit?"

"Would you?"

"No," he admitted.  "But I'd be cuddling her by now and then I'd kill them."  He took the grenade and grabbed the pin from the ground.  "I want the recipe for this."

"Sure.  I can share that."  He smirked.  "Are you sure I can't kill them since the Council keeps coming back?"

"Oh, hell no," a familiar Homeland agent said as he walked up to them.  "That's my fun, Harris.  I haven't had any fun since you quit dating."

Xander huffed.  "Can't I just kill them a tiny bit?"

Tara hugged him.  "Let's get Olivia."  He pouted but nodded, heading in there.

Peter looked at the agent.  "I could ask for temporary immunity."

He considered it.  "I'll sell him to the demon brothel owners in Siberia if he gets out of jail.  How about that?"

Peter smirked.  "I know many who would like to visit them and hurt them a lot."  He followed his spouse.  "Your temper is very warm," he said quietly, staring at him.  "Cold temper is better."

"My overheated temper keeps me going even when I'm exhausted," Xander admitted.

"We can work on temper," Peter said, taking Olivia to cuddle.  "Is all right.  It happens and is not your fault."

"Daddy?"

One of the SWAT guys leaned in.  "He's with the detectives your uncle works with, sweetie.  We're bringing you there."  She nodded, snuggling in.  Xander and Tara wrapped Xander's overshirt around her middle so she could quit being so embarrassed.  "C'mon, guys.  We'll even drive."  Tara pouted.  "I have no idea how you got here, ma'am, but we'd like you guys to sit in the back and cuddle the baby.  I won't even mention the lack of a carseat or any weapons."  He led them to Xander's car and drove them to the station.  Then he went to have a drink.  He had lived through the possible destruction of Manhattan, it was time for a beer.

Xander walked into the station and to the elevator, waving at the desk guy.  "Giving a statement."

"Her father's already up there with Sam Winchester," he assured them.  "He brought her something to change into in case they needed it for evidence."

"Cool."  Xander knew he sounded tired.  They came off the elevator and he let Olivia run to Daniel to fuss over him.  Sam and Detective Ryan got her to the bathroom with Daniel to change so they could bag her clothes.  "The Council," he said.

"Beckett called.  She said if you got into the artillery she'd be scowling at you but she understood why you wanted it," Javier said, staring at him.  "The NYPD is a great system."

"I'm still going to kill them," Xander vowed.  "I've had enough."

"There's a group of agents that are looking forward to the same thing," Javier said.  "Everyone from State to ATF to FBI and a few in the CIA that you used to date are really pissed off on everyone's behalf."  He put Tara into a chair.  "You, sit.  You're too delicate to fight."  She scowled.  He stared at her.  "How often did you say that Willow doing magic during her pregnancy caused problems?"

"I'm not doing that sort of thing."

"Good!"  He handed her a mug of coffee and let her sit and relax.  "Peter, can you disarm your mate?"

"Not in public."

"Go use the bathroom," he said with a point.  "Xander knows where it is.  He did stitches in there once thanks to the Council trying to shoot him on the street."

Peter nodded, taking him that way to calm his mate down.

Olivia came out in pants, her hair pulled back into a ponytail, her favorite t-shirt and sneakers on.  She stared at her auntie.  Then at her detective uncle.  "Are the bad guys gone?" she demanded, tapping a foot.  "They're mean and might hurt my baby sisters and brother."

"You only have one sister," Javier said.  She pointed at Tara.  "Oh, that one.  Are you sure it's a sister?"

"The world needs more girls so the world's a prettier place," she said with a growl.  "Not working!"

"There's a whole bunch of agents working to make sure the bad guys are stopped," Kevin said.  "Including some of the scary ones that wanted to date your Uncle Xander.  One of them had a tantrum in DC that nearly got a mall shut down."

She looked at him.  "Scary, drooly one?"

"Yeah, one of them."

She looked at her daddy.  Then at her uncle.  "I get to kick them in the ankle for hurting my Daddy.  And for making Unclies and Aunties worry."

"Xander already did," Tara said, taking her to cuddle.  "We're so glad you're all right."

She looked around.  "Is uncle being mushy?"

"Uncle Xander is calming down his temper before he flies to England to get the people who hurt you.  He and Uncle Peter are cleaning weapons."

"Ooooh."  She blinked at her uncles.  "You sure the scary people can kick their butts?"

Daniel took her to cuddle.  "That's their job, pumpkin."

She looked at his forehead then kissed the bruised spot.  "Is Uncle Xander's job because they're stupid heads who want to hurt me and my siblings."  She cuddled him as hard as she could.  "They need paddled."

"They're going to get spanked plenty," Xander said as he came out, laying a hand on her back.  "They might even call your mommy back to save them."

She looked at him.  "She won't save them because they tried to hurt me.  And they made me have an accident."

He kissed her on the top of the head.  "That means that they'd be begging extra hard."  She relaxed and went back to cuddling Daniel.  Daniel was giving him the same 'dad' scowl he used on Olivia.  He pointed at Tara.  "She taught Olivia to kick bad guys on the ankle."

"Tara," Daniel complained.

She looked at him.  "Someone tried to mug us."

He sighed and shook his head.  "Maybe LA is safer."

Olivia looked up, shaking her head.  "No.  We need Uncle Xander and Auntie Tara.  They love us and take care of us and make sure we're okay.  They teach us a lot of things like words and about salads.  We stay with Uncle Xander."

"We can go back to LA so you can bond with Auntie Fred," he offered.

She stared at him.  "They move out here anyway someday.  Too many gross, stinky demons that don't like Auntie Fred being so smart."  She put her head back down.  "Uncle Gunn can move the whole gang out here after the next fight."  She yawned.

Xander was gripping his forehead, wincing and holding onto Peter with his free hand.  Peter helped him into a chair and rolled it off with Esposito to see what he had seen.  Xander only saw apocalypses, outside that one time for Beckett, so it was probably going to be nasty.

Their homeland liaison agent showed up, looking around.  "He's not hovering?"

"He's having a vision," Tara said quietly.  Olivia was asleep and still clinging, and Daniel was doing the same thing.  "Them?"

"Very big trouble.  Though the British government has asked that Xander not show up in their country for his upcoming book tour because they didn't want to see the Council try for him again, like on his last trip there, and him having to blow them up this time, because he said he was going to if they tried again."

Kevin Ryan smirked at him.  "I'm told they barely stopped him today."

"They barely stopped me today and I'm not usually violent.  It's been a bad day," she said, starting to sniffle.  She got handed the tissue box.  "Thank you, Kevin."

"Welcome, Tara.  Sam, take Tara to her place and guard her today," he ordered.  Sam nodded, helping her up and taking her home.  He sighed when his partner came back.  "His vision?"

"Sucks badly and I'm damn glad I never wanted to visit LA because it won't be there in a few months."  He handed over his notes to the Homeland agent.  Who went pale and nodded once.  "Peter and he are hoping this is the one time he's wrong."

"Yeah, me too."  He called his boss.  "Harris just had a vision.  I need O'Neill to hear it too, sir.  Twenty-five to the local office."  He hung up.  "Let me tell them."  They nodded.  "You get Harris calmed down at home with her and her dad."  He left, hurrying just a bit.  Half of the west coast being killed was a pretty bad thing.  Definitely a terrorist action.  He walked into the office and to their communication room.  "It's a priority, highly classified talk," he announced, clearing the room.  He called and uploaded the notes.  "Someone is going to use Sunnydale's hellmouth to kill the west coast.  How do we stop that?"

His boss read the notes.  "How accurate is Harris?"

"He was off by a day on the invasion but I was warned he was translating it from the Hebrew calendar," Jack O'Neill said from his office.  He read over the notes.  "Crap.  The LA team?"

"Mostly back.  Outside Summers and Rosenburg," the local homeland agent said.

Jack nodded.  "I'll be in LA tomorrow.  Join me."  He hung up.

His boss nodded.  "Thank you for the warning.  Stop it however you have to."

"I can do that.  By the way, the Council just stole Olivia Rosenburg.  Thankfully they stopped Harris from using a chemical gas that's demonic in origin and eats lung cells one by one."

"I want that recipe."

"We're all going to be working on this that he'd trust to hand it to.  I don't want it to go to anyone he might've dated, sir."

"I can understand that.  Who has he worked with?"

"Epps in LA.  He's FBI.  That ATF team in Denver that was looking at his weapons sources."

"Get them."  He hung up.

He called their office to talk to their boss.  The boy would appreciate someone he knew wasn't going to use it taking the formulas from him.  And the weapons he had built.  He hoped.

***

Xander brought the book with him to the station.  He had told the SWAT guy he'd be there so the detectives could have a copy.  He was informed that someone ATF would be there as well.  Which was fine he guessed.  He walked in with the heavy book, nodding.  "Thanks for the help the other day."

"Is she all right?"

"She's still fussing over Daniel's booboo.  She's not leaving his side until she's certain all the bad guys have been at least kicked on the ankle and arrested."

"That's reasonable. The guy who said to go with that officer is real sorry."

"She knows he didn't know.  It's cool.  It's a reasonable order to give and he thought he was a real one.  I probably would've agreed."  That got a smile and a nod.  "Let me share demon chemical formulas."  He went upstairs, finding someone interesting.  "Hi, I remember your other self, Agent Standish."

He smirked.  "That is why they sent me to look at what you have."

"Well, I have a demon chemistry book and my notes."  He handed them to him.  "I had to take that class three times to understand it."  He looked at the SWAT guy.  "Even if I gave you the formulas, you couldn't do anything with it without the book work first."

"Is that because this is not our periodic table?" Ezra asked, studying it.

"Yeah.  A lot of it's based off other-realm science.  It goes into strange physics."

"That gas?" Esposito asked.  Xander took the marker from his hand and wrote out the formula.  He studied it.  "I have no idea what half of those are."

"Which is why I never turned it over.  There's maybe six people on this plane that could understand that.  And I barely made it through the book to understand why I needed to learn how to make them."  He wrote out another one.  "Their gunpowder.  Twice as strong in a quarter of the space."  He looked at the SWAT guy.  "Even Peter didn't know about this stuff."

"It came from the Warehouse?" Ezra guessed.

"The book was one that I was told I had to learn by the demon that helped set them up and protects them as a neutral entity that no demon will ever try to destroy.  It houses things that even they don't want to see in the open, though I'm told a good part of those are in one of the European ones."  He looked at the guys.  "I did a sneaky thing once and talked to Doctor Epps, Don Epps' brother.  I remember him talking about how his brother was a math genius during the shutting down of Sunnydale."  He winced and rubbed his forehead.

"Vision?"

"Flash.  The demon council out there is having a hissy."  He called.  "It's Harris, put me on now."  He listened.  "Because I'm the one that had the damn vision so put me the fuck on now."  They apparently transferred him over.  "Did we not hear I had a vision of some sorcerer wannabe destroying the link to the Deeper Well?"  Someone gasped and another laughed.  "People, I could do that now.  It's not that hard since he's pulling a Willow and substituting in his opening spell.  Yeah, like soon.  Which is why I had the vision.  Exactly," he said dryly.  "And then I got the flash of you guys talking to the idiot about his plans to clean out the impure demons on the hellmouth.  So, just stop it before I have to come back there, okay?"  He hung up.  "Can I blow up their building and not the rest of them?"

"No," the detectives and SWAT guy said.

"Pity," Ezra drawled.  "What did that math genius say?"

"He said it's highly likely that other realms would have other materials if they exist but he said they don't exist."  He gave them a look.  "So apparently he didn't want to realize it even when his brother got traumatized by the demons in thrall in Sunnydale."

"So, good thing, bad thing," Kevin said.  "Anyone else who could take this and learn it quickly?"

"Rodney.  I sent him a copy of the book when I found a newer edition.  I'm told he's happily making bombs to protect us all and the Air Force."

The SWAT guy nodded.  "McKay?  From that insane project by Standish?"  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Sure, they probably need it with what got leaked."

Ezra nodded.  "Definitely.  We were warned in case something happened that we'd be on the front lines of stopping it from getting out of their town."  He looked at the book again.  "This is far beyond what I know of chemistry."

"I never took chemistry, which is why it took me three tries even with the guided knowledge," Xander admitted.

"How many have you built?" Ezra asked casually.

"Four gas grenades of that sort, two other things, and three bigger things that're in the weapons storage area.  During that Xander convention, I brought that book with me because there are twin Xander's who design weapons and are ballistic CSI on their world.  They actually work with Taylor."

Esposito rubbed his forehead.  "That's a thought to give me a migraine, Xander."

"They're really nice and they went over how to make them.  Like the one that visited, they had time served in Africa helping slayers and villages.  Then they came home and started a weapons design firm while Giles made them go to college."

"I can only imagine the one that I know about is going insane in that world," Ezra said.

The SWAT guy looked at them.  "Huh?"

Xander grinned.  "There's a few more magical Xanders across all the realities and they wanted to have a multi-Xander convention.  There were over three hundred of us.  Including a few miniature ones and the one that's married to Agent Standish on his realm but is also the president."

"Of what?" the SWAT guy asked.

"The US," Ezra said.  The SWAT guy moaned and sat down.  "Apparently my team got called in on his guard detail."  He looked at Xander.  "It is very useful for you to hide this and only give it to the insane sort that protect us all from things that most people still want to believe are mythical."

"I wasn't about to tell anyone I was dating that I knew this sort of thing.  They'd want me for whole different reasons."

"Yup," the detectives agreed.  "A lot."  Xander shrugged.

"I'd like to look at those," Ezra said.

"Sure, I get that.  I'm surprised no one told Beckett I had added stuff."

"They might have," Kevin agreed.  "She's not talking.  We didn't tell her anything about this."

"That's probably a good idea.  There's no telling who has her phone tapped."  He looked at the SWAT guy.  "Those spiders were created by the same set of twin mes."

"That explains a whole lot," he said.  He stood up.  "Let's go look at the weapons, Harris.  It's nice that you basically put them into police custody."  Xander grinned. "But I need a lot of liquor right now."

"Sorry."

"No, don't be and keep hiding this."

"Peter?" Javier asked more quietly.

He considered it.  "If he's not going to tell his people, then that's fine as long as they're together for a good, long time."  Xander nodded.  "We sure?  I know you've been together longer than your past ones."  Xander subtly pointed at his hand.  "Oh!"  He nodded.  "Then yeah, go ahead and tell him so he can help you."

"We might need one to shut Sunnydale and that may be what causes the explosion," Xander admitted.

"Then we'll work that out," Standish said as he stood up.  "Let us go admire the handiwork you've done.  We'll talk to your mate later."  He took a picture of the formula then erased it.  Javier washed that area of the board and they left together.

***

Peter looked at the things that Esposito had given him a list about.  "I have talked to his financial person.  He wanted to make sure things were taken care of."

"Xander's fussy that way," Esposito agreed.  They were locked together on the porch.

"Is the rest of this related to the warehouse?"

"Slightly."

"Interesting to note.  I heard about convention from him."  He folded up the list.  "I should worry?"

"I doubt it but he thinks the explosion he saw was him having to use something he learned from the warehouse to stop the situation in Sunnydale."

Peter nodded once.  "Could happen if we're not careful.  Why are we talking about this now and why is he hiding?"

Esposito stared at him for a moment.  "Right now is because he pulled out something we didn't know he had.  With skills we didn't know he had."  That got a nod of understanding.  "Him hiding is because he's worried that he's disappointed you or something.  Xander actually has some pretty low self esteem at times.  Mostly due to Olivia's mom and Buffy from what we've heard."

"I have seen that."  He looked at the list.  "Does anyone else know of this?"

"Apparently McKay does.  After that signing trip Xander trusted him enough to let him have the demon chemistry book.  Xander said he gave it to him after the invasion battle."

Peter nodded.  "I know him barely but I know what he is doing is important."  He sighed and grimaced.  "I am not going to tell others."

"I didn't figure you were, which is why you're finding out."  Esposito grinned.  "That's also the weapons warehouse he puts things into from poker debts.  That's Beckett's job to monitor but with her out of the city on injury leave it's our duty."

"That is reasonable.  Are we thinking I should monitor him more?"

"No, but you might go have him tell you about things.  Maybe about those wills?  Or the weapons?  Or even things he's learned from the warehouse that he can share with you.  That way you're not left in the dark about things he does every day.  He's been scared to tell you because he thinks you might start thinking he's scary."

"He is but in a good way usually."  He shook his head.  "Thank you for letting me know I should go gently make him talk."

"He could use some talking time about Olivia and things too," he said more quietly.  "I haven't seen Xander this stressed out since right after the demonic attempt to get him killed off.  Back when they were shunning him for having outed demon kind."

"I thought I had helped."

"You've kept him from snapping.  I'm sure he's talked some, but I think you need to have one of those cuddled together talks that couples seem to get the big things out during."

The demon over the warehouse appeared, looking at Peter.  "You are more than acceptable to co-guardian this warehouse if you wish.  In the past, most spouses have been brought in to handle things because it is a big job that takes much time and effort from the relationship.  I would only do that if this is at least going to be long term, if not permanent."

Daniel opened the door.  "What do you want?"

"She's over the warehouse, Daniel," Esposito said with a hand wave.  "She's offering Peter co-guardianship duties."

"Xander could use the help.  He thinks he's falling down on the job by not going out to hunt things down."

"Most would bring things to him," the demon said.  She looked at Peter, who nodded.  She touched his head, taking him to the stone chamber.  He did as instructed by the walls and suddenly he knew.  The demon stared at him.  "Xander is more than all of this."

"This is amazing but I do not want him more or less because of this."

"Good!"  She took him back up to the patio.  "Here, he is entered."  She disappeared.

Esposito looked at him.  "Now you know why we're suggested a talk?"

"Indeed and it is... thrilling yet confusing and very mind crowding."  He shook his head to clear it.  "Thank you."  He went inside and upstairs, finding Xander reading on the bed.  He took the book and put it down, then laid down next to him.  "I was offered to help you with warehouse."

"I felt."  He snuggled in.  "It's an amazing place that freaks me out sometimes."

"Quite."  He petted his mate.  "You did not show me bigger weapons?"

"Beckett hates it when I go there for weapons petting time."

"I would like to see."  Xander looked at him.  "You have no reason to hide anything from me that is not personal or that I should not know.  I agree that some things I now know I should not have ever learned without the precaution."  Xander relaxed.  "But perhaps we should talk about other things.  Like what financial man told me and the wills?"

"What do you want to know about them.  I was waiting on you to bring it up."

Peter smiled.  "I thought it was trinkets and maybe some money."  Xander shook his head.  "Did you keep race car?"

"No.  It went to some guy in New Jersey who had a racing museum."

"Huh."  He gave him a squeeze.  "You grow more amazing to me every day," he said quietly.  Xander grinned and kissed him.

Shannon ran in and pounced them with a giggle.  "Hi!"

"Hi," they said, smiling at her.  She snuggled in and grunted with a point at the book.

"Ask," Xander said gently.  "Do you want read to?"  She nodded. He picked up a kid's book and read it to her.  It knocked her out.  They moved her to her bed and went back to their own to talk and cuddle.  Xander looked at him once the doors were shut.  "Are we having this talk because there's an upcoming apocalypse battle?"

"No, I find you fascinating in many strange ways," he teased with a smirk.  "Your mind is scary, dangerous, exciting place."  Xander blushed, ducking his head.  Peter pulled him down with him onto the bed.  "We should have talked about some of it sooner but I understand why we did not.  I should have asked and you should have bragged."  Xander kissed him.  Peter let him and then they cuddled in to really talk.  Including about the Olivia situation.  Daniel clearly wanted to take her back to LA but that would wreck them both.  They had to make plans.  It was much too quiet without her even on the days when they wanted some alone time.

***

Xander found Peter in the warehouse looking something over.  "Is that dangerous, deadly, or a weapon?"

"Is a weapon," he said, letting him see it.  "May work for the Sunnydale thing."

Xander grinned.  "If so that could create a lot less hell."

"Hopefully."  He took a kiss.  "Are we going to scout?"

"The whole town was given to demons when they shut it down.  Plus, if any of us show up there, they'll all know and we'll have ...issues.  Maybe not problems but perhaps some issues."

Peter nodded.  "That's reasonable.  We can scout by satellite maybe."

"I don't have access to those."

Peter smirked.  "I have people who owe me.  I can ask."  Xander grinned and nodded.  "When is that last auction going on?"

"Tomorrow.  I'm so glad they're done with."

Peter took a quick kiss.  "I am too.  That way bad past lovers are forgotten easier."  He winked and walked Xander off.  "New room appeared."

"Oh, no," he moaned.  "O'Neill's things?"

"I highly doubt it."  He showed him the new room and Xander stared.  "I believe they are meant to harm one during sex but I am not certain."

Xander walked in to look at one of the glowing in that white-hot way dildos.  "That's got blood on it."  Peter sighed.  "Taylor knows about all this though."  He called him.  "Detective Taylor, it's Xander.  The warehouse just made a new room of dangerous looking sex toys, one of which is burning the blood presently on it.  No idea where it came from.  Off to the right side past the office.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "We need the inventory to see if we can figure out where it came from."  They went looking for it in the office.  Which was a mess.  The trio from LA had left it a mess.  Someone walked in and sighed.  Xander looked out there.  "Did Mac Taylor send you?"

"Yup."

"This way."  He walked him to that room.  "I looked at that one," he said with a point.

"How did it get in here?"

"The warehouse usually brings it," he said with a shrug.  "It's been around for years.  Those just appeared today though."  Peter handed over the clipboard.  He looked.  "Under their entry," he said, touching it to expand it.  "It's from a local source.  It says Manhattan, New York."  He showed him.

"So things just...pop in here?"

Xander grinned.  "It's mystical and I'm the guardian of them with my mate, Peter."

"I see."  He moved over to look at them.  "Any idea how to turn them off?"

"Peter felt them being added I guess."  He looked it over.  "Switch on the end."  The guy gloved up and flipped it.

"Do we know you?" Peter asked when he heard the door open.

Xander walked out and looked.  "In here, Flack.  Peter, this is Detective Flack.  He helps Taylor whenever we have to coopt him for strange stuff and Faith thinks he's hot."

Peter smirked.  "She has nice taste but I do not need to know."

Flack grinned.  "I've heard he married a stand-up guy."  He shook his hand.  "Sex toys?"

"That one was burning hot and has blood on it."

"Huh."  He followed Xander back to the room.  "Damn."

"The index said it came from here," Xander said, taking the clipboard to show him.

Flack nodded, taking down the information.  A new one appeared, this one was zapping energy and had blood on it.  "Danny?"  He pointed.

"I saw."  He found the switch and carefully turned it off then bagged it.  "We're going to confiscate everything in here."

"Need a box?" Xander asked.

"I meant the warehouse."

Xander snickered.  "This building holds over seventy million mystical and non-mystical artifacts, Detective.  In here, they're made safe.  That way no one can use them."

"How do you know if anything else is evidence?"

"I've had it for a few years and I manage to check anything new."

"Mac had Adam in here for a bit helping when he was injured," Flack said.  "He and I have codes so we can come confiscate any weapons his former dates used to give him."

"I like weapons but I would give him new knife, not bombs or other higher things," Peter said from the doorway.  Xander beamed at him.  "I have heard of one in the CIA who gave nuclear warhead and his boss's reaction to that news."

"I remember that," Flack agreed.  "Freaked us out too.  That and the Patriot system that was wrapped in a giant gift box and had a tow bar so it looked like a parade float."

"Volvo with a howitzer," Xander added.  "I haven't checked down there recently."  He flipped the index, finding the weapons.  "Huh, Greg's back."  Flack looked and then groaned, going to find it.  He put it up again.  "Anyway," he told the detective with a smile.  "I'm handing these over so you can catch the sick fuck that was using them.  Another appeared.  "I'd hope we can stop them before they hurt anyone any more."  He looked up.  Then at the toy.  It had a more precise location but it was fading.  Danny called that in and got busy bagging the rest.  Flack came back up with the nice wooden crate.  Xander looked and grinned.  "Pretty."

"So's Peter," he joked with a grin back.

"Peter, look at what Greg sent as a wedding present."  Peter looked and moaned, taking the card to read over.  "Can that go into the weapons warehouse in case we need it?"

"Yup, sure can."  They got everything to the two cars and left.

"Thank you note writing?" Xander guessed.

"Yes, I can do that."  He grinned.

"Don't be mean to him."

"I will not.  But will send nice picture."  He took a kiss.  "Why do we have floating gondola above shelves?"

Xander looked at the inventory.  "It appears they're possessed."

"Ah.  Perhaps John would like pleasure of that."

"They've been in here for over a hundred years."

"Pity."  He took Xander out so they could go play with the kids.  Olivia was sulking in a chair.  "What has happened?"

"Daddy said we go to LA soon."

Xander hugged her.  "It'll be okay and you'll get to visit us."  She pouted worse.  "It'll be fine, Olivia.  He's your daddy."

"So?  Not leave you.  You'll be lonely."

"I think it's best if we move to LA," Daniel said.

Peter looked at him.  "Since when are your eyes black?"  Daniel lashed out but Peter was pretty good at self defense.

Xander tossed Olivia the phone.  "Get your siblings safe and call Grandpa."  She ran off to do that while he moved in to help contain and control Daniel.  The demon tried to jump into Peter but Xander had done the protections on him himself.  It headed for the stairs but Sam and Dean came off with shotguns and a gallon of blessed water.  Dean headed for the kids.  Sam helped with the exorcism.  Xander ran up to help Dean, taking his knife to cut his thumb and marking the kids with some blood while mumbling the protection spell.  Dean was trying to stop him but Dean was now possessed.  Xander knocked him out viciously and then got to work on his exorcism.  Sam came up to help, his eyes now blackened.  "Olivia, we could use Grandpa."

"He was gone too."

Xander muttered something and then released the curtain covering his hellmouth taint.  The demons screamed and Sam's fled.  Xander finished the exorcism on Dean.  "Find a number that says Father," he told her as he worked.  She knew how to find numbers in his phone, she did it all the time.

"Fath?"

"Yup."

She hit that button.  "It ringing."

"Hit the speaker."  She did.

"Diocese of New York, how may I direct your call?"

"I need Father William Morgan desperately for a problem," Xander said, struggling with Dean."

"I can't find an individual priest, sir."

"This is Xander Harris, it's a demon problem."

"Oh, him, yes.  Let me call him.  Where are you, sir?"

"Home.  Please?  Tell him to bring some holy water."

"I can do that."  She hung up and called the church he usually worked in.  There was a short list of priests in the city that got special call outs.  He topped the list.

Xander punched Dean and started over again.  "Dude," Sam complained.

"Holy water," he ordered with a point.  Dean bucked under him.  "Fucking supernatural strength," he muttered.

Peter heard the buzzer and pushed the button.  "Am a bit busy, what?"

"Is this a 'I should come back because he's naked' busy or otherwise?" Mickey asked.

"Could use your brother since they're demons possessing Winchesters."

"Okay," he decided.  "Give me a few minutes."  He called.  "I need my brother," he said in greeting to whoever answered.  "Kostmayer."  He listened.  "We need you at Xander's house.  Possessed demon hunters.  Thanks.  Bring whatever you need.  Uncle Peter sounded upset."  He hung up and called someone else.  "Tara?"  She growled and hung up.  "That's a bad sign."  He called the detectives.  "Are you guys possessed too?"  He smiled.  "Can someone make sure Tara isn't since Uncle Peter said the Winchesters were?  I've called mine, he's an Orthodox priest.  Thanks."  He hung up and waited.  He had the emergency code.  When his brother got there, he got them inside and upstairs.  Peter sighed in relief.  "What can we do to help?"

"Go help him tie up Dean.  The demon is not leaving him.  We are not sure about John or Tara yet."

"Okay," his nephew Nicholas agreed.  He got to work on the banishing he knew.  Peter got him the book he had found with various exorcism rituals.  "Thanks, Uncle Peter."  He found a good, heavy one and chanted it while sprinkling Daniel with water.  John came off the elevator, eyes glowing with blackness.  Mickey pounced him.  The demon fought back.  Peter got the elevator going to let Father Morgan in when he buzzed.

Father Morgan came off the elevator in fully fury of God mode.  "Begone!" he shouted.  The one in John fled.  The one in Daniel started to then moved back in.

"Dean," John said.

"Sit!" Father Morgan ordered.  He got the one out of Daniel.  He went upstairs, following the noise of fighting to depossess Dean.  "How many have you tried?"

"Six, including the ultra heavy one I usually use.  Mickey, come get the kids," he called.  "They're in the bathroom."  He came up to move them to Xander's room and guard them.  There was an emergency exit through there to the pool area, which led to the elevator or fire escape.  Xander sat back panting.  The demon tried to get up but Father Morgan was already working on that problem.  Dean arched up and screamed but the demon finally came out.

The father looked at Xander.  "Put back on whatever you did."  Xander redid the necklace.  "What is that unholiness?"

"Hellmouth taint," he said dryly.  "I was born next to the damn thing."

"That figures with the way things go around you.  Did they have plans?"

"One growled Tara's name.  She's two months pregnant."

"I will check on her."

"I did a blood binding on the kids.  They're all magically active and Shannon's an active slayer."

"Thank God they didn't get the children," he sighed, helping Xander up.  "Dean?"

"Ow."

"Come.  You will drink holy water for me," Father Morgan ordered.  They helped Dean up and downstairs.  "Father...."

"Kostmayer.  Peter's my uncle," he said.

"I'm Father Morgan."  He shook his hand with a smile.  "Thank you for the assist."

"I've never seen demons this strong."

"We have," John admitted quietly.

"Did they have a plan?" Xander asked.  "One of them moaned Tara's name."

"They definitely want the baby but otherwise I didn't get anything," John sighed, rubbing his face with his hands.

"I didn't either," Daniel admitted.

Dean nodded.  "They were going to take the kids."  He drank the holy water Father Morgan made, handing some to the others.  "Sammy?"

Sam hummed, looking up.  "They can't touch Shannon but they want the other two."

Xander shook his head.  "I did a blood marking on them just now.  It'll last for a few days."

"Is there any way to protect them?" Daniel asked.

"Put them in the warehouse," Xander and Father Morgan said.

"No," Daniel said.  "The demons wanted them in LA."

"That's because they're planning on destroying most of the west coast and if they're possessing the kids, no one's going to stop them," Dean said quietly.  "Because even the most cold-blooded hunter wouldn't shoot the kids."

Xander nodded.  "That makes sense while making my stomach turn.  Mickey has them by the pool."  Father Morgan went to check them and bring them back inside.  He looked at Daniel.

"We're staying for a bit.  I got a job with my cousin at the bar."

"That's cool.  We still want visitation."

"It'll be weeks before I can afford our own place anyway, Xander."  He nodded at that.  "When on the LA thing?"

"Within months."

"The homeland agent who used to arrest his dates has the notes from his vision," John said.  "He asked me about a few things they could do if they had to go to Sunnydale."

"There's supposed to be honor guards on the hellmouth," Xander said.

"I took him to the local Council to see what they've done.  They hated that vision too."

"LA's Council didn't see a problem with it until the point where they all died because he was pulling a Willow and substituting."

"Half the council out there is militant, retake the world for the demons sorts," Sam said.  "The other half are the remains of the original colonies, who are mostly Spanish and Mexican in origin, and don't like that idea even though they'd own it again anyway."

"Two elected upstarts that never get listened to anyway," Dean added.

Olivia stomped in and to her Uncle Xander.  "Why did the demon hurt Daddy?" she demanded.

"Because he wanted to take you and your siblings to help him with a plan."

She growled.  "I'd kick them on the ankle!"

"We'd let Father Morgan banish them and then you can kick them."  He cuddled her.  "We're stopping them."

"Good!"  She looked at the nice priest then her new uncle priest.  "Can you help him stop them?"

"Of course we can," Father Morgan agreed.

Daniel moaned and held his head.  "It's normal to get flashes," John soothed, patting him.  Daniel shoved him off.  "Father?"

"He's not tainted."

"How did they know about the kids?" Xander asked.

Father Morgan looked at him.  "They might've known about Olivia having siblings but not that they had magic.  Or about the one's gifts."

"We told the locals," Dean reminded him.

"New York's Council wouldn't ever hurt Olivia," Xander said.

"No, they wouldn't."

"Especially not with Tara's early mood swings," Sam agreed.

"That's Willow's influence.  The coven called me to help them weed out that spell," Father Morgan said.  "She was projecting."  Xander sighed, shaking his head and cuddling the kids better.  Shannon ran over to Daniel and John had to stop him from grabbing a knife.  "I think we need more intense work on you," he said quietly.  "Come along, Daniel.  It's time to beard the demon's remains in your den."  He helped him up.  "Olivia, I'll bring your father back in about a week."  She smiled and nodded.  "I'll make sure he's all right."

"Thank you."  She hugged him then her father.  "He makes bad demons go away."  Daniel hugged them all quickly and he left with Father Kostmayer.

Peter leaned down to kiss Xander.  "We are excellent kidsitters."

Xander smiled.  "We are."  He hugged all the kids.  "Sam, read to them?"

"Yup."  He pulled them over to read to them.  The kids were amazed by his reading ability.  Dean, John, Xander, and Peter made plans of what to do during the next attack.  Mickey relaxed and finished his mental swearing at the stupid demons.  They had to be truly stupid to take on a Winchester, Xander, or Olivia.

***

Tara got freed and burst out sobbing on the priests.  "I don't want them to hurt the baby."

Father Morgan patted her awkwardly.  "I doubt it did.  Your coven can help."  She nodded, calling them.  "Let me get Daniel somewhere safer so we can finish getting the demon's taint out."  He left, leaving her to have a mood swing.

Tara sniffled into the phone.  "Claudia, it's Tara.  I got possessed.  They wanted Daniel's kids."  She sniffled again.  "I am now.  Father Morgan did.  No, but the baby.  No, mine," she said.  "I can do that.  I've got today off anyway.  Be right there."  She hung up and hurried around to pick up the dog and put on her shoes and jacket.

***

Xander looked up as Tara came off the elevator.  "You okay?"

"They're not sure about the baby."

"They can do an ultrasound soon," Peter told her.  "If it has horns or other obvious signs we'll realize."  She pinched him on the arm but got some water and came back to sit and cuddle the babies.   "Shannon, will you pet the aunt's belly?"

Shannon patted, looking up.  Tara smiled.  "Does it feel strange?  That's a new cousin."

Shannon cooed and leaned over to kiss her stomach then grinned at her.  "Hi."

"Hi."  She hugged her.  "You tell me if the baby feels strange, okay?"  Shannon cuddled her.  She pulled over a book to read to them.  Olivia was napping on Mickey.  Brad crawled over to get read to too.  "I need to do more story hours."

"Any precautions about holy water exposure?"

"Try not to just in case."

"Okay, we'll handle that," Dean agreed from his seat.

Xander's phone beeped.  He grabbed it and looked.  "Beckett's back and I promised dinner."  He looked around.  They all shrugged.  "Okay.  Peter, want to help me shop?"

"Of course.  Mickey?"

"I can stay in case the demons come back."  Peter smiled and they left together.  "They're going to make out in the car."

Tara giggled.  "Possibly, yes.  They're newlyweds though."  She went back to reading.  "Is she all right?"

"Stressed herself to the point of a nap," Mickey said.  "Her father kept some taint."

"They can fix that," Tara said.  "Father Morgan was talking to the head of my coven when they were checking me over."

"That's good."  He stroked over Olivia's hair, waking her up.  She looked around.  "They're grocery shopping because Detective Beckett is back in town and you're having dinner with her tonight," he said quietly.

"Auntie Kate," Tara told her.

"Oooh.  Is she better?"  She sat up to look at them.

"She's fine."  Tara smiled.  "That's why you're having dinner tonight."

Olivia beamed.  "Good."  She got up and went to look in the cabinets.  "We need veggies."

"Peter went with Xander," Tara said.

"Good, he'll get veggies even if Uncle Xander avoids it."  She walked back out and hugged her auntie.  "Is that sister all right?"

"I hope so."

"Good!"  She hugged her around the stomach.  "Hi, baby sister."  She sat down to let the auntie read to her too.

Tara smiled, picking out another book.  It'd be okay, even if she had to make a wish or something.

***

Kate walked into the loft that night, looking around.  "You guys all look tired.  We could've done this tomorrow."

"We need the happies anyway," Tara said.

"Did something happen?"

"Stupid demons wanted my brother," Olivia said.  "They possessed nearly everyone, even Daddy.  The nice, mean priest has Daddy for a week to make sure he's okay."

Kate hugged her.  "That's a good thing, Olivia."  Olivia smiled at her, trying to look at her scar.  "I don't think you need to look down my shirt.  You'll have your own breasts some day."

Xander snapped his fingers and got up to get something, handing it over on his way to the kitchen.  "The other guys?"

"Coming in a few."

"That's cool.  Any idea if the new Captain is going to do more things to make herself popular with the higher ups?"

"Not yet," Kate admitted.  The other two kids were staring at her.  "I'm Aunt Kate, guys.  I've known Olivia since she came back with Uncle Xander."

Shannon stared at her then grinned.  "Hi."

"Hi, princess."  She hugged her too.  She waved at the other one.  "Hi, Brad."  He grinned and crawled over to cuddle.  "That's very sweet of you.  Thank you."  Shannon pounced so she cuddled her too.  Olivia beamed at her and went to help her uncle cook.

The two detectives and Castle came off the elevator.  "Xander, hopefully you have real food since I'm starved," Kevin said.  "Jenny's off with her girls tonight so it's you or bar food."

"Peter made sure we got veggies and I started a roast.  I'm hoping it's good."  He grinned.  "It'll take about a half hour though so come make nibbling things."  He and Mickey came to do that.  Olivia helped them since it was veggies and she adored her veggies.

Olivia brought veggies over to her siblings, sitting in front of them.  "This is a carrot," she said, holding it up.  "It's nummy and crunchy."  She let them eat one while she did.  They grinned.  She held up the next one.  "This is a green pepper.  It's kind of watery but nice.  It's great to nibble on when you need something to chew on because your teeth hurt."  They ate one.  She handed over pieces of cherry tomatoes.  "These are tomatoes.  They're really good."  They gummed them and Shannon took a second one with a grin.  Olivia beamed at her.  "I like them too."  She handed over the others, telling them about them.

Xander grinned at Peter.  "She's very wise," he said quietly.

Javier smiled.  "If I ever have kids, I want one like her too."

"Jenny still says that if we have kids they'd better be like Olivia."

Kate smiled at her partners and minions.  "Ditto."  They grinned back.  "Maybe some decade."

Rick grinned.  "She's going to grow up as wise as Alexis is."  He sat down with them.  "Hey, guys."  They smiled and waved at him.  "Olivia, have you introduced them to mushrooms?"

"That's really a big thing and I haven't bought any recently," Xander said.

"Ah."  He hugged them all.  "You're doing great with helping them learn stuff, sweetheart."

She smiled.  "Can you help me with my writing?"

"Sure.  Go get the paper and stuff you need."  She got up to do that.  Shannon and Brad got the rest of the veggies to nibble on.  Xander handed him little tubes of yogurt for them too.  "I wish Alexis had those.  They're handy."  Olivia sat down next to him.  "Ah, numbers."

She nodded.  "They're not as pretty as letters."

"Go potty," Peter said.  She squealed and hopped up to do that.  He smiled at Rick.  "She's going to learn math next month."

"She's doing great with her learning and I'm sure she's helping them a lot too."

"She's been good helping them," Xander agreed.  Tara smiled and nodded.  "Kate, put some of that on the scar, let it soak in, and it'll quit pulling."

"I figured as much."

"That's specific for scars.  I got it for the bite marks."

She read it then looked at him.  "You have bite marks?"  Peter nodded.  "Huh."  She got up to do that in the sauna.  Olivia was hogging the bathroom for the next ten minutes for her reading habit.  When she came out, Olivia had given up reading to have Rick help her.  She sat down.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  He smirked.  Then at the minions.  "She called the Mayor to tell me not to come back to help you guys.  The mayor told her I was very helpful when needed."

"We have a cult case on another desk," Kevin said.  "I was going to suggest to him that he call you."  Xander nodded.  Javier handed over an envelope.

Xander read it over.  "I wrote this."  He went to get that book and handed it over.

Javier looked and called that detective.  "I talked to Xander for you.  He wrote some of that into a story.  There's a book that describes everything.  At his place.  We're having a welcome back dinner for Beckett.  Sure, I can do that."  He hung up and went back down to wait by the door.

Olivia flinched at the alarm going.  "That's the bad noise!"

Xander and Peter were already moving to the elevator.  They found someone down there attacking Javier.  Xander shot them in the leg.  "You needed what with Detective Esposito?"  The man moaned and held his leg.  "That's what I thought you'd say."  Peter was calling someone.

Javier stood up, rubbing his chest.  "He kicked me in the chest before I saw him."

"Sometimes the idiots are stupider than usual," Xander quipped, checking him over.  "Go get an ice pack."  He shook his head.  Cop cars showed up.  "Hi, guys."

"Xander," one said.  "This one attack you?"  Xander pointed at Javier.  "Detective."

"We're having a welcome back dinner for Beckett.  I'm waiting on Howards.  He kicked me in the chest then attacked me.  Xander got his leg for me."

"Okay," the officer agreed.  They got him sent to the ER and took Xander's gun for ballistics.  Then Howards showed up and grabbed the book.  Xander moved to show him the right section.  The detective nodded.

"He can be in tomorrow if you want," Javier said.

"I can do that.  Thanks, Harris."

"Not a problem.  You guys know that."

He nodded and left.  The officers left too.  Xander hit the alarm button to turn it off.  Peter hit it again.  Xander grinned.  "Olivia and the kids do not need the stress," Peter said.  He looked at Javier.  "Ice pack?"

"And some advil if I can bum some."  They came up together.  "Remember the guard of the drug dealer scum from the other warehouse?"  Beckett moaned.  "Kicked me in the chest."  Tara handed over the wrapped ice pack.  Xander got into the storage closet of emergency things, handing over a packet of advil.  "Thanks, guys."  He took them and sat down.  Brad crawled over and stared at him until Castle helped him up into Javier's lap.  Then Brad pounced him to cuddle and coo at.  "Thanks, little guy.  You're making me feel much better.  Nearly as much as the ice pack is."  He cuddled him with a grin.  Brad grinned back and snuggled in to cuddle him.

"He's very good at that," Olivia said with a grin for him.  "Bad booboos?"

"No, just a bruise, sweetie."

"Okay."  She went back to learning new things.  Tara was teaching Shannon a new word.  Shannon was babbling at her with a happy smile.  "Some day soon they'll be like me," she told Rick.

"Some day soon," he agreed, petting over her hair.  "Then you and Shannon can start school together."

"When she's older I'll have them test her," Xander said.  "Her listing says she has siblings for future testing.  The headmistress was very understanding when I called her the day after they got here.  She said they can test the same time Olivia will be to make sure she can get in."  Olivia looked at him.  "You'll have to show the school that you can do the things they need you able to do so you can go there.  It's not hard and you're doing a lot of it already."  She smiled and went back to her writing.  Xander grinned at Rick.

"How are the people in the computer?" Olivia called.

"They're fine, dear.  You can tape something for them tomorrow."

"That's good.  Maybe I'll show them how we teach Shannon to chase me.  It's cute and they'd like that."

"Also, we have to figure out what you're donating when the Mayor wants you to."

"Toys?" she said.

"Or books or clothes."

"Oooh.  Mine?"

"No.  Not this time.  We'll do that during the toy drive that the Marines do."

"Okay."  She went back to writing, looking at Rick.  "Can Alexis help us pick things out?"

"If she wants.  I'll ask her later.  She's out with her grandmother."

"That's good.  She needs happy times with bigger girls so she knows what to do with her boyfriend.  Some day I'll need that too."  She looked at Tara.

"We'll be talking about that when you're older," Tara assured her with a smile.  Olivia beamed back and got back to her writing, wiggling a little bit.

Kate got up.  "Can I help?"

"Nope, because I doubt you can lift the roasts out," Xander quipped.  "Mickey?"  He came over to do that.  Mickey moaned and Peter moved to help.

"Is that half a cow?" she asked, staring at it.

"It was expensive enough to be but it's supposed to be really tender," Xander said.  He grinned.  "We'll see if I followed the directions well enough."  They nodded, letting Kate carve the meat.  Xander and Peter handed over the other pans of veggies and things.  They got what they wanted and Olivia turned on the music channel.  Peter turned it down and changed it to the light rock station.  Shannon squealed and got up to 'dance'.  Brad was wiggling and squealing too.  Everyone got happy with the kids being happy, Beckett being back, and things settling down again.

The End.

Note:  all hail Wiki and google for weapons.

Chapter 35: Battling

Inner and outer battles going on.  An unintentional NaNoWriMo story.

Olivia scowled at the woman who was trying to flirt with her uncle Xander.  "We need a flying monkey like Wade," she told her Aunt Tara.

Tara looked at her.  "Who had you watching the Wizard of Oz?" she asked.

"Who's Wade?" Martha asked.

Xander looked over.  "During the convention I met one who has a guy named that as his assistant."

Olivia glared at the flirty woman.  "We need flying monkey version of Wade."

Xander snickered.  "No, we don't need the cannibal flying monkeys, dear.  It's all right."  He picked her up to cuddle - a known hoochey mama deterrent was fatherhood.  "Can you get me my Peter's phone?"  She nodded and he put her down, letting her smooth out her dress on her way to her uncle hiding in the corner.  She kissed him when he handed it over and brought it back.  He got into the demonology site he had shown Peter, finding the monkey.  He showed it to Tara.  "That Wade there was dating Anya, who had just picked up her first pet."

She read it and nodded.  "That sounds like Anya, yes."

"I wrote that in a letter to her.  She said it wasn't fair making her giggle so hard she had to do penance."  He smirked and put the phone into his pocket, picking up Olivia again.  She smoothed down her dress.  "You're being very good tonight."

"I like books," she reminded him, kissing him on the cheek.  "Some day I'll trap a pretty boy to wear a pretty dress who will like books just like I do."

"Yes you will, Olivia."  The hoochey mama snickered but walked off.

"Still need the flying monkeys Dean says come out his butt when Sammy lies," she muttered, putting her head down.

"We can go in about an hour," he promised.  Tara took her back to hold.  "Can you hold her?" Xander asked.  Tara swatted him and strolled off to the buffet line.  Magically it was cleared of people by the time she and her future spawn got there.  "Huh, they do know to be scared of the cranky, pregnant witch," he muttered to Martha, who snickered and nodded.  Xander smiled and shook hands with his next fan.  It was technically Peter's book coming out party but Peter was being a former spy and hiding.  When Xander finished looking good to the higher ups he strolled over to sit next to him.  "It gets worse," he said quietly.  "For the movie, there's going to be tons of fans, reporters, and all sorts of cameras."

Peter looked at him.  "I will use Olivia as cuteness shield."

Xander grinned.  "It'll be after nine probably."

"Pity."  He leaned on Xander to pull his phone out of his mate's pocket so he could put it back.  "Why did you need it?"

"I showed Tara and Martha about Wade the monkey 'Liv wanted to show up."

Peter got into his history to see that page, eyebrows going up.  He looked at Xander.  "That is very weird."

"During the last convention, one of the hormoned ones had talked about his Wade and Anya, who had adopted one and named her after her boyfriend."

"Hmm.  I know some people I would like to gift some to."  Xander whispered an address in his ear.  Peter shivered.  "Is very wicked idea," he assured him.  "Perhaps Mickey would like to deliver one."

"Is he back from England?"

"Yesterday."  He texted him that address and suggested he could find some very rare pets that someone might like to eat them.  Then he put his phone up.  His nephew would be amused at nibbling, flying monkeys too he was sure.  Xander got up and held out a hand, letting Peter take it to be pulled up.  They walked back into the mass of people there for the book coming out party together.  Everyone knew they were together.

"Dirtbag!" Olivia shouted.  "No spill things on me!  You're making me less pretty!"

Xander cleared his throat.  "We can send it to the cleaners tomorrow, Oliva.  No yelling."  She pointed and stamped a foot.  He stared back.  "I'm sure it was an accident."

"No, he said his wife wanted me to have to go home so she could tempt you.  Dean said people like that on tv were dirtbags."

Xander picked her up and kissed her then Peter.  "You guys are the only ones I'd ever go home with."  She smiled and cuddled Peter and him then got down to get her auntie to help her remove the stain.  She wasn't going to stay so unpretty.  Xander shook his head, walking in the other direction.  Paula was looking horrified.  "She's very opinionated."

"Yes she is," she agreed, watching Xander get something to drink for him and Peter.  She rolled her eyes.  "No babysitters?"

"Unless the Winchesters were going to take her to deal with a gang of poltergeists who were creating hell in Harlem, no."

"Darn."

Martha laughed and cuddled the baby when she came back in a new dress.  "That's very pretty as well."

Olivia smiled shyly.  "I picked it out but Auntie said it was too formal and froufy for tonight."

"It is a bit but you're young and being outrageous with fashion is for the young."  She walked off to talk to a few other actresses in the room about the recent New York fashion shows.  Olivia cooed over a few of the designers.  Clearly her teachings were being passed on very well as well as Tara and Xander's.

Xander looked over at her cooing over Oscar de LaRenta.  "Until she starts writing best selling books, she's not that rich," he called, cracking up a few people.

"When I have to have pretty dress because you and Unclie Peter need one, can I have it then?" she called back with a happy smile.

"We'll see."  He shook his head.  Peter was snickering.  So was Rick in his corner talking to a reporter.  "Martha, unless you're buying it for her, encourage cheaper, more chic things please?"

"I will, Alexian."

"Thank you.  It's bad enough someone taught her about the Kingdom of Tiffany's."

Olivia looked at him.  "I'll never be that sort of princess, Grandpa said so.  So I can drool over them and go to better places."  She ducked her head again and told her aunt's friends about the jewelry store she had been staring at during a recent shopping trip.  They all cooed over the jewels.  So clearly they were smart and liked pretty things too.  She looked at Martha.  "If unclies ever give me baby brother or sister, we need to make sure the mommy likes pretty things."

"I'm sure we will, dear.  Don't you have enough siblings?"

Olivia shook her head.  "Daddy said grandma wants lots more."

"Yes, well, I'm sure they'll work that out somehow."  She put her down.  "Stay with us."

"Pretty is always better than books," she shared.  "Unless it's a book about animals or pretties."  The other actresses smiled at her.  Yup, they were brilliant and liked pretty things too.

Xander shook his head.  "You can watch Indiana Jones tomorrow, dear," he said as they walked behind the group.

"Lara Croft?  That way I learn rope stuffies?"

"Sure.  Grandpa and I would love that, even if your daddy would be very confused."  Olivia beamed back at them.

"We should start saving for motorcycle soon," Peter said.

"We should, but I have one in storage that I won back in LA."  He grinned.  "By then it'll almost be a collector's edition."  Peter snickered and nodded.

One of the reporters stepped into their path.  "Boys, Olivia was hinting that she'd get to wear a pretty dress soon and so would you?"

"We're contemplating one," Xander admitted.  "Sometime in the future."

"Hmm."  She blatantly looked at their hands.  "Are you going to the mystical Kingdom of Tiffany's for his ring, Alexian?  Or you, Peter?"

"I have jewelers I favor," Peter told her.  "Specially made ones."

"Aww."  She looked at Xander.

"I have no idea," he admitted.  "Thinking about rings, it'd have to be specific to fit his hand, lifestyle, and nature."  He grinned at Peter and winked then smirked at her.  "Someone suggested I give him a special *ring* but it's not one that anyone would ever see."  Peter blushed and shook his head.  "Yeah, that was your buddy."

"I will kill Cash later," he decided.

"His partner."

"Ah, her.  Yes, definitely going to go.  She is clearly warped."  He pulled out his phone to send Cash a text message about her.  That way he could swat her before Peter killed her.  It'd do her good and be a good training device for other young agents.

Xander grinned at the blushing reporter.  "If we do, we might be taking a signing trip as a honeymoon."

"That would be romantic and still useful," she decided, walking off tapping out a note for her next column.  There were rumors of an upcoming signing trip so perhaps they would be doing it before then.

Xander winked at Peter.  "She sent me a really nice site too."

"I saw that site and blushed even more."  He kissed Xander.  "Mind on the books and the sales.  Not on what is to come later."

"Yes, dear."  He smirked wickedly at someone coming up to them.  "Why, Mister Cash.  No fire escape to climb?"

"Funny, kid.  Guarding you two.  The purge of your ex's missed two."

"The one in protective custody and which one?" Xander guessed.

"Boris."

"McKendrick?"

"Yup."

Peter looked at his husband.  "How did you meet him?  I barely know of him."

"I was in LA and out at a club.  He kidnaped me to Singapore.  It was my second trip there.  Thankfully the LAPD alerted someone so the FBI made his plane land shortly after taking off so they could rescue me."

Peter shook his head with a moan.  "The other?"  Cash handed him a folder.  He read it over.  He nodded.  "Why is he in protective custody?"

"He turned evidence.  He's already broken it twice to stalk Xander."

"I knew about once."

"They caught him at the airport," Lorne said.  Olivia walked over and scowled at him, hands on her hips, one foot tapping.  "Good evening, Olivia."

"You're not a book person or a reporter.  Why are you here?  Do you like Uncle Peter's books?"

"I do like them a lot but I have to tell Xander that two of his former drool patrol are being bad guys."

She waved a hand with a snort.  "They all do, that's why they drool."

"That's very true," Xander agreed, patting her on the head.  "Go back to Auntie Tara.  If they show up here we'll deal with it."

"Good."  She walked off again with a side-trip for a few new veggies to nibble.  The person behind the buffet table gave her one of the plastic cups with veggies, earning a smile.  "Thank you.  They're very good veggies."  She walked off nibbling.

"I think it's wonderful that Olivia is such a good eater," Martha said, smiling at Tara.

"It makes up for when she wants milkshakes, twinkies, and last night's hot wings from Dean.  She made him get two extra orders so she could steal them."  The other women snickered.

Olivia looked at them.  "Spicy stuff may make you burp and pee a lot but it's good for your belly to have that in there.  It makes it quit grumbling and sounding like a belly dragon.  Plus it's good to eat other things.  Otherwise you get bored with food."

"Very true," Martha agreed, patting her on the head.

"Freeze!" someone shouted as they walked in, firing into the ceiling.

Xander and Peter looked over.  "I don't know him."

"Me either," Peter admitted.

"I've never seen him either," Lorne agreed.

"If you give me what I want, no one gets hurt."

Olivia looked at him.  "Bad you," she called.  "And stupid you too."  She concentrated and he turned into a squeaky gerbil.  "That's better.  Maybe someone will pet you and train you into a better drool patrol member."  She nibbled on a grape tomato.

Tara looked down at her.  "What did I say?"

"He was being bad!  He had scary gun!"

"No!  Change him back!"  She pointed.  "Now, Olivia Marie."

Olivia huffed and pouted but turned him back and walked off nibbling to find someone else to talk to.  Paula wouldn't scowl at her.  The money lady loved her.  She climbed up to sit on the table next to where she was talking to someone.  "Uncle working on three books, one for me," she said when Paula mentioned what Xander had coming out soon.

The reporter smiled.  "I heard he wrote you books."

She nodded.  "It explained things like adults playing dress up to me."  She smiled and held out her cup.  "Cucumber?"

"Thank you, dear.  Where are your parents?"

"Mommy's still lost.  Daddy's with the priest tonight because he's sad at the demon who tried to take him over.  My siblings are with the coven."  She smiled.  "I'm a big girl though and avoiding the scowling for making the bad guy pout."  She nibbled, looking at Paula.

Paula smiled and patted her on the head.  "Usually you're a very good girl, Olivia."  Olivia beamed and nodded.  "And quite modest too."  Xander came and rescued her.  "Thank you, Alexian."

"Welcome.  We have to talk about letting me handle the bad guys."

"Is my job," Peter reminded him.  "You protect the family, I protect you."

"Aww," Olivia cooed.  "Kiss him, Uncle Peter."

Peter kissed her on the temple.  "Behave."

"Yes, Uncle Peter."  She nibbled her veggies.  Her uncle got her more.  That was very nice of him.  "If you have babies, they need to understand about pretty things and be smart so the babies will be like me."

Xander looked at her.  "That's a discussion for a few years from now, 'Liv.  We're not ready for babies yet."

She pouted.  "I need more baby brothers and sisters for Grandma.  She'd like that.  So would Grandpa."

"I know he would.  Grandma would have to get some from your daddy for them to count."

"Shoot."  The bad guy came running back in and Peter knocked him out.  "Oooh.  Nice, Uncle Peter."  She beamed at him.  "Very nice.  Teach me that?"

"When you're a teenager."

She beamed and nodded.  "I learn while you help me build my own scary research cabinet."

"Yes you can," Xander agreed.  A reporter near them looked over.  "She's convinced that if you date you need a scary research cabinet of weapons to scare off any evil drooling ones."

"I needed that when I was younger.  It would've kept me from my first marriage."  She patted Olivia on the arm.  "She looks tired."

"No one at home," Xander quipped.  "Unless we get to leave soon?"

"No, that's not a good thing," she chided with a smile.

"Olivia, come help me plan what I'm getting people for Christmas," Rick called.  She wiggled down and ran over with a squeal.  She loved presents.  Even if they weren't for her.

"Thanks," Xander called with a grin.

"I have no idea what to give Ryan and Esposito."

"Something for their new house and something to make the other one laugh?"

"That might work."

Olivia took his smartphone to look up something she had seen on it earlier.  Rick stared at her.  "Find pretty thing from afternoon picture."  Rick went back into his history.  She picked it out and held it up.  "For Auntie Kate.  She needs something pretty to remind her life is still pretty after being hurt so much.  Plus she can wear it somewhere nice."

"She'd never let me give her jewelry, Olivia."

She snorted.  "So be sneaky.  Give her something with that inside."  She kissed him on the cheek.  "Think like Uncle Xander."

"I can do that."  She smiled and went over what to make the others happy, including some big boy toys for Esposito since he was pouty recently. The reporter was giggling.  Rick looked at her.  "One of the detectives I work with is getting married soon and she snuck out a few of her uncle's toys to help him calm down.  She gave his fiancee a few of her dolls too."

The reporter walked off cackling.  She had taken some film of Olivia tonight for her twitter feed.

Someone new walked in.  "Uncle Rick, is she like girls that work?" she asked.

Rick covered her mouth.  "Tact, Olivia.  Your aunt would have to blush at that."

Olivia pulled his hand off.  "I can see her butt and panties.  That's not pretty."

"Yes but she'll learn better in a few months when the winter freezes it off."  He kissed her on the head, turning her around.  "Think we should get Javier a lot of blocks?"

"No."  She shook her head. "Robots."

"Robots?"

"Yeah, like little ones that can be useful for work or play.  So he can play jokes or use them to catch bad guys."

"That's not a bad idea," he admitted.  "He might like that."

She nodded.  "He could use them to prank mean lady too."

"Yes he could."  He grinned at her.  The girl who did indeed look like a low class rent girl was strolling over to Xander.  But Peter was kissing his ear while telling him something.  Xander was actually blushing so it was clearly something naughty.  The girl wasn't going to take a hint but then Xander kissed him and grinned.  The tasteless young woman huffed and glared.

Xander looked at her.  "Yes?  Did you want me to sign something, miss?"

"You're really gay?"

"I'm really bi but Peter's my choice," he said.  "I have dated women but they were usually really dangerous and deadly.  Peter's much better for me and sane, yet still dangerous enough."  He smirked at him.

The woman glared at Peter.  "You're so wrong!  He should be with a woman!"

"Why?" Peter asked.  "He cannot have children thanks to Sunnydale.  He likes me more than them.  I do encourage him and help him, plus spoil him rotten."

"He does," Xander agreed with a smile.  "Even if we ever had something tragic happen and we broke up, I still probably wouldn't want a woman younger than me anyway.  Or one that only had one thing on her mind.  I need people who can help me and understand my muses.  Plus all my nieces and nephew."

She took a swing at him.  "You're wrong and have to be fixed.  We can fix you."

Xander blocked her hit.  "Honey, even hanging out of that outfit doesn't turn me on," he said dryly.  "I've dated prettier assassins.  Hell, I've dated prettier male assassins."  She tried to kick him but he picked her up and carried her out to the hallway, dropping her out there.  Then he walked back inside.  "She's sorry her hatred of me being with Peter got so tasteless," he announced.  The reporters were making notes on that.  She stormed back in with a knife.  Lorne got her down and cuffed.  Xander looked at Peter, who rolled his eyes.  Xander grinned and pulled out something.  "I was going to wait until All Saints or Solstice."

Peter stared.  "For what?"  He stared at the small box.  "You did what?"

"I....  Well, I had Rick take me shopping."  Peter gave him an odd look.  He opened it.  "It's a promise ring."

Peter moaned.  It was a perfect, flat blue diamond on a silver band.  It would not bother him if he had to use a weapon or when he was working out.  "Are you certain this is a good place?  Is very open."

Xander leaned over.  "I have your real ring at home," he whispered in his ear.  "This is a visible one for the nosy folk."  He moved closer.  "If you want what we were talking about."

"I do," he admitted quietly, smiling at him.  "Is much more private."  He looked at the ring.  "Is very beautiful."

"So are you.  It matches your beauty and reminded me of snow.  Which makes me think about cuddling for warmth and the color of your eyes."

Peter blushed and coughed, nodding.  "That is very like snow in the morning."  Xander slid it onto his finger.  It fit perfectly.  "Did you size my old ring?"

"No, I used a string."  He grinned.

Peter smiled back and took a kiss.  "We will do the other later."  He got a purr back.

Olivia ran over to look at it.  "Very pretty.  Fits well.  Nice job, Unclie Xander."  She smiled.  "When do I get to wear pretty dress?"

"Next year."

She squealed and ran back to Rick.  "We have to shop!"

"Later this winter," he told her.  "That way you won't grow out of it."  She nodded and settled in to babble about the pretty type of dress she wanted.

Peter smirked.  "That is very nice way of introducing things," he whispered.

"Well, yeah."  He winked.  "Was about time too.  I was going to get jealous of the hussies that wanted you."

"I feel much the same."  He took a deeper kiss, getting a moan back.  "Next year?"

"In the summer?  In the woods?  At the cabin maybe?"

"Might be nice, yes," he decided.  Xander beamed back.

"We want pictures of it," one of the reporters said.  Peter let her see it.  She took a picture.  "That's a beautiful one, Xander.  Not platinum?"

"Silver is protective.  The diamond reminds me of snow, which then makes me think of snuggling with him for warmth and long walks in the woods."

She moaned.  "That's so sweet."  She took another picture and walked off calling that in.  "When, Xander?"  He shrugged.  "Press notice?"

"Hell no."

She pouted.  "Fine."

He grinned.  "I want him all to myself."  She nodded, repeating that.  Xander winked at Peter.  The whiny thing was crying.  Lorne was staring at it.  "Did you ever talk to your partner about her idea for his ring?"

Lorne blushed, shaking his head.  "I didn't want to go there, kid."  He walked off.  A police officer subtly came in to drag the whiny thing off.

Olivia smiled and waved.  "If you learned how to be pretty and smart, boys would like that.  Then you'd need a scary research cabinet for them.  That way you could have one of your own and not trying to steal my unclies.  Someday I'll need a *huge* scary research cabinet," she told the reporter.  "Daddy agreed with me."

"Yes you will, sweetie," she agreed, smiling at her and Rick.

Rick nodded.  "She will.  She'll be a strong, smart woman who can protect herself, stand up for herself, and still be fashionably cute without being shallow."

"Awww.  What do you want to be when you grow up, Olivia?"

She considered it.  "I like books.  A lot.  Reading makes me smarter and smart is pretty.  Unclie Xander wants me to be a doctor or something but I hate needles.  Auntie Tara said that people actually study things for their jobs and I might like that."  She smiled.  "I don't know, I'm only three."

The reporter smiled.  "That's a great thing and you're a very smart.  I'm sure you'll be able to do whatever you want, dear."

Olivia hugged her.  "Your future kids will do the same."

"I can only hope so."  She smiled at Rick.  "Being an uncle?"

"This is Peter's event so I can't push my own upcoming books."  He smiled.

She grinned back.  "Good point."  She went to talk to Peter about his book.  "There's actually flying monkeys?"

"Xander said there are.  I think my nephew knows some people who would like to meet them even though they are mean."

She giggled.  "I know some people I'd like to introduce them to.  Including a few ex husbands."  He grinned back.  "So, is this the last book in this series?"

"No."  He walked off talking to her.

Xander grinned at the reporter grilling him about an upcoming demon problem that they had heard about.  Xander was trying to calm her down.  It wasn't actually going to be very bad at all.  They were mediating a solution at the moment so it might not be anything at all.  She calmed down and it was better.  At least until the whiny thing came back.  Xander spotted her and sighed.  "Fuck."  She flinched and looked then moaned and shook her head.  "I agree with Olivia, she's tasteless and if she thought that made her look hot, she looks like a low rent hooker."  The reporter laughed, shaking her head.  "Even if I wanted a woman, it wouldn't be her."  He walked off to get a new bottle of water.  She tried to get close to him.  "Watch me bless this and spray you with holy water," he offered.  She gasped.  "Did the hairdye ruin your brain, dear?" he asked, sounding like he cared.  "Because clearly somewhere you missed a few steps, fashion and otherwise."

"I see London," Olivia said.

"No," Xander, Peter, and Martha called.

"Rick, quit teaching her that," Martha complained.  She was Rick's mother, she could nag him.

"I didn't."

"Daycare," Tara sighed, shaking her head.  She glared at the woman.  "Do you mind?  You're making me want to go for boy parts because yours are so nasty.  Which I really can't stand."  The woman gasped and walked off, trying to push her.  Tara didn't move but did snort.  "A pink, sparkly thong under a black dress?  Trashy.  Olivia will never have that bad of taste."

"She'll never be that way," Xander assured her.  "How is my future minion of spoiling doing tonight?"

She swatted him.  "It's fine, Xander.  Really."  She walked off to talk to Olivia about her mouth again.

Xander looked over when the trashy ho came back with a few friends, who also had knives.  He looked around.  Peter and Lorne were talking.  Rick and Tara were talking.  He sighed and considered it then blessed his water, splashing them.  One shrieked about the water, drawing attention.  "Huh, not demonic.  So that can't explain the bad fashion trends."  He stared at them.  "Do you really want me to press charges?  I mean, the press people here have seen all of this and probably will be spreading you all over the entertainment news tomorrow."

One rushed at him with her knife.  Xander disarmed her by dislocating her arm at the elbow and then tossing her down onto the ground.  He looked at the others.  "None of you are probably worse than a demon apocalypse.  Really.  So are you done?  You're messing up my prettiness and Olivia will pout at me for it."  He smoothed down his shirt again.

The main one screamed and rushed at him, knife held out.  Peter shot her with the paintball gun.  He had come with less than lethal weapons tonight by orders of Paula.  Though he and Xander both had real weapons on them.  The hussy yelped in pain when the paintball hit her.  "You are going near what is mine.  That is always a mistake."  He moved closer.  "I am more than deadly enough to be Xander's husband and mate.  You..."  He looked her over.  "Clearly have no training, no skills, no sense, and nothing but mental illness.  Please, find help.  Before you get hurt or hurt someone unable to protect themselves."  Two officers walked in.

Xander looked.  "Did you order the strippers, Rick?"

"No," he called, looking at them.  "Those aren't NYPD uniforms."

"Freeze," one called.

"Not again," Xander sighed.  He looked at the reporters, then at Paula.  "Paula, permission?"

"Granted.  No blood."

Xander nodded and took something out of his pocket, walking over there.  He held up the small animal looking bit of clay and the blinky thing.  "The range is about ten feet.  Notice how you've got over fifty around you?"  He smiled.  "It won't hurt me.  And it won't blow you up.  It'll turn into a gas that'll slowly melt your skin off."  The fake cops looked horrified.  He grinned.  "One of my ex's made it and gave it to me as a happy wedding present in advance.  Now, I can use this or I can drop this off with SWAT tomorrow as I had planned to do.  That's really up to you pissing me off right now."

"Yeah," one said, squeaking a bit.  "I..."  He stared at him.  "You're that guy that was in the demon battles."

Xander smirked and nodded.  "I am, and my niece is in here.  So is Tara.  So is my mate."  He pointed.  "So, do you have a choice?  Because, patience?  I'm out of it until Peter refills it later by evilly teasing me."

They backed up nodding.  "We've got the wrong room, sir.  I'm *really* sorry," the speaking one said.  His partner nodded quickly.  "We really wanted the debutante up the hall.  They'd have jewels and things."  They backed up again.  Someone clapped them on the backs, making them shriek and jump.

Xander grinned.  "You're late, Detective.  Almost all the food is gone thanks to Olivia stealing all the veggies."

She smiled.  "I wasn't going to come but I heard that you had hookers who wanted to turn you straight.  Since I arrested most of your other dates, I figured I'd get them too."  She held out a hand.  "Weapon."  He handed it over.  She pulled out the detonator and put it into her pockets.  Then she handcuffed them.  She looked at the crying ones.  "Ladies, and I use that term loosely, let's go.  You're under arrest."

"Being gay has made him mean!" one sobbed.

Xander looked at her.  "No, I was just as mean when I was dating Anya."  Tara nodded.  "Tara's seen me being really mean to a lot of people, no matter who I was dating or even if I was dating.  I take threats to my family *very* seriously."  He stared at them.  "Maybe Detective Beckett would be able to tell you how to put on real clothes as well.  She's very nicely turned out most of the time.  Olivia looks at her as a style icon.  So maybe she can help you three."  They slunk past him and let the detective walk them out.  He looked up then at Peter.  Then at Paula.  "Okay, I need music."  The DJ they had hired started a new song.  "Thanks."  Peter smiled at him.

"I did say non-lethal weapons tonight," Paula said.  "I suppose that wouldn't have killed them."  The reporters stared at her.  "One of the churches that sends Alexian death threats sent a bomb yesterday.  Again."  They shuddered.

"It's not my fault they hate fantasy novels," Xander quipped with a hand wave.  "It's got to be nicer than their reality, which has to suck with how much they do."  A few of the reporters laughed.  "Then again, I tend to shoot back at most of them.  The nice one that keeps burning my books?  I write them very nice thank you letters for buying so many copies."  Peter laughed, shaking his head.  "Whenever they burn me in effigy, I usually send one complaining that it's shorter than I am, doesn't match my fantastic body shape, and clearly they need their eyes checked if they think that's anything like me."

Peter kissed him.  "Some day they will find reality."

Xander grinned.  "Promise?"  Peter nodded, taking another kiss.

Olivia looked over then at Rick.  "They're making people's hearts stronger again."

"They are," he agreed.  His mother gave them a strange look.  "Explain it to her, Olivia?"

She smiled at her shopping auntie.  "Ads say oatmeal mush makes your heart stronger.  They're mushy so it makes heart stronger like ads say."

Martha took her to cuddle.  "It does a heart good for many reasons when you see true love, dear.  That's very wise."  The reporter took that down verbatim and texted that to Olivia's twitter feed.

Olivia looked at her.  "Are you telling the people who know I'm pretty and smart in the computer?"

She smiled and nodded.  "I am."

"Cool.  I think they need to have lovies like Unclies Xander and Peter too.  Then they can wear the pretty dresses and all that.  Then they can do a wedding too."

"They can," the reporter agreed.  "Where do you want them to do their wedding?"

Olivia stared at her.  "Somewhere other than in front of the Mayor.  I don't think he'd like mush."  The reporter gaped, staring at Rick, who shrugged.  "Oops?" she asked, looking at her uncle.  He grinned and took her back to cuddle.

The reporter got up and walked over there.  "That mistaken report that Rick and his detective friend were at City Hall was you two marrying?" she asked.  The other reporters stared at them.  Xander looked at Peter, who nodded.  Xander nodded too.  "You hid it for six months?" she demanded.

Xander pointed at the doorway.  "Because of twats like those ones."

"That's reasonable," she decided.  "Are you announcing it?"

"We'll be doing a renewal next summer sometime."

"Good!"  She walked off calling that in.  The other reporters were doing the same.

Xander looked at Peter and shrugged.  "We tried."

"Was a long time hidden."  He took another quick kiss.  "Relax.  They will not come."

"I hope not."

"We will be protected.  Olivia will scowl at them or we will use baby's diapers to scare them off.  Nearly did me this morning."

Xander grinned.  "Me too."  Peter grinned and they gathered Olivia to go home.

Tara sighed, looking at Rick.  "I need to call a cab."

"I'll drop you off, Tara."  He got up.  "Mother?"

"I'll find my own way home, Rick."  She pinched him on the cheek and walked off talking to one of the reporters.  Rick looked at Paula, who nodded.  So he left with Tara.

One of the reporters looked at Martha.  "Is Rick the surrogate father for Tara's baby?"

Martha smiled and shook her head.  "No, she went to a carefully chosen agency.  She talked about it for almost two years before she finally went for it."

"Aww.  She'll be a great mom and I'm sure Xander will help."  Martha smiled and nodded.  "That's great.  Olivia's siblings?"

"They're doing as well as expected.  Where they were was without anything beyond the family for mental stimulus so they're catching up to normal food and other things that most children their age are used to."

"That's wonderful news.  Is she a good big sister?"

Martha beamed.  "She's so good to them.  She teaches them things but isn't too pushy.  She helps them pick out clothes, reads to them, teaches them about vegetables and plants.  She's an adoring big sister who is sure that Tara's is going to be a sibling as well."

"That's wonderful.  She's a smart little girl."

"The only thing we'd change about her is wishing she'd finally potty train."

The reporter smiled.  "Mine was almost four."

"Her father said he was five."  That got a nod.  "She's still working on it though."  She smiled and waved at a friend that came in.  "Let me greet them."  She walked off to talk to this new person.

The reporter made those notes and sent them to her editor.  It was so cute of Olivia.

***

Olivia ran in and pounced Dean.  "Hi!"

Dean looked down at her.  "You changed?"

"Someone spilled stuff on her," Xander said, patting Dean on the head.  "It's nearly ten, Olivia.  Go get ready for bed."  She let Dean take down her hair so she could run up and get her jammies.  Xander shook his head.  "She outed the wedding."

"That's cool."

"Uncle Xander, can we have a monkey like Wade?" she called.

"No, it'd eat the cats."

"Shoot.  Dean said they fly outta his butt when Uncle Sammy lies.  Are they going to eat the cats too?"

"No," Dean said, shaking his head quickly.  "There's actual flying monkeys?"  Xander showed him the site.  He stared at the page.  "Huh."  He sent that to his father.  His father sent back an impolite response.  "Dad doesn't like that."  He sent why he had seen them.  That got a laugh back.  "Dad liked why she wanted one though."

Xander grinned.  "I wouldn't care if they wouldn't eat the cats.  They're pretty things."  He took off his tie.  Peter stared at him.  "Are you going to refill my patience by evilly teasing me now?" he asked with a grin.

"After baby is in bed."  He took off his own tie.  Olivia ran down to let them braid her hair then kissed each of them.  "Teeth?  Potty?"  She ran to do that then climbed into bed.  Xander went up to tuck her in and then they went to their own room.  He really did need to reward Xander and tease him into relaxing again.  The bad girls had unsettled him.

Dean shook his head, sending a warning to his father that they were going to be noisy for a bit.  His father said he'd get something to eat and then come home.  Dean settled in to read that demonology site.  Xander's group had dealt with a lot of strange demons that they had never heard of.

***

Olivia watched the commercial on tv.  "When do I get people to carry presents for me?"

"When you get married," Sam told her.  He was babysitting all three of them today for everyone else.  He looked up then at her.  "You have to be really rich, like movie star rich instead of book author rich, to get one of those."

"Oh."  She considered it.  "I could be rich."

"Yes you could," he agreed.  "You can do wonderful things to earn a lot of money for your family."

She nodded, cuddling her baby brother.  He was being cranky anyway and he liked cuddles.  He tried to wiggle away but she nibbled on his ear and he quit, grinning at her.  He liked her doing that.  Her daddy had done it and he had shown her how.   "Would being a doctor make me rich like that?"

"Maybe.  It'll take a few years.  There's school first, and then a few years of being a student doctor.  Those years you don't make a whole lot of money but afterward you earn more depending on what field you go into."

"Oh."  She considered it.  "I hate needles.  Shots are bad."

"Doctors give shots, not get shots."

"Oh."  That made her happier with the idea of being a doctor like the one she saw.  "Maybe I'll do that then."

"You don't have to decide what you want to be until you're nearly out of high school.  Until you're Alexis' age," Sam assured her with a grin.  "Then you'll know."

She nodded.  "I can do that.  She's getting really old."

Sam patted her on the head.  "She's still pretty young.  It's just where you're younger than her.  I used to think that Dad was really old when I was Alexis' age but then I hit the same age Dad was when I was little and I realized that he was still really old but I was still basically a little kid in some ways."

"Huh?" she asked.

"You'll understand when you're older."

"When do I get that book of stuff?  Uncle Xander said there's a lot of stuff I'll learn then too."

"Some of it you'll learn as you grow up, some you'll realize when you're a teenager like Alexis."  She grinned.  "And by then we'll have you able to defend yourself for when you start to date."

"That might be good.  We need to start on my scary cabinet now so I have one ready when I'm old enough."

"You can borrow your uncle's."

She pouted.  "I won't look like him with a sword or his axe."

"By then we'll teach you how to use your own so you can put yours in there."  She beamed and nodded.  Daniel came off the elevator.  "Better?"

"All fixed," he promised with a smile.  "Hi, kids."  They smiled at him and Olivia tripped him so he fell down.  They climbed onto him to hold onto him.

"That was a really good foot sweep, Olivia," Sam joked.

Daniel looked at her.  "A bit mean."

She smiled and waved.  "It's an infection from the nasty thing at the book party.  She was really not pretty and had her butt hanging out."

Sam nodded.  "We saw pictures of her.  Talk about a ho."

"When Santa says 'ho ho ho' is he talking about girls like her?" Olivia asked.

"No, that's Santa laughing, not talking about girls who work that way, dear."  Daniel glared at him.  "She asked about one she saw on the way to daycare.  Xander told her they work, not anything else.  Though I'm told she did ask another kid's mother if she was going to work on her streetcorner when she came in looking like a ho."  Olivia nodded, ducking her head with a blush.

Daniel sighed.  "She's much more wordly than I was."

"That's because this is New York and there's people like that all over the city," Sam said.  "She walked up to one Indian lady in a sari at the grocery store and asked her about her dress."

"It was pretty.  It had twinklies and gold and it was a pretty red color."

"I'm sure it was," Daniel agreed.  "Did he put you in the corner for that?"

"Dean and I were with her.  She was very polite and Dean apologized for losing track of her for a few minutes.  The woman was most happy to answer questions about her sari.  She said it's better to ask than to assume."

"My Ma would've thrown a fit if I had done that."

Sam grinned.  "She sounds a bit uptight, Daniel.  By the way, she called and nagged me that I couldn't be good enough for her grandchildren and I was probably tainting them toward the stuff we do.  She called it that."  Daniel nodded and sighed.  "I didn't tell her a thing but let Olivia talk to her.  She didn't really want to talk to Olivia though."

"I'll call her in a bit."  He looked at his oldest daughter.  "I'll get my Ma back into a happy mood.  That way she can maybe record a book on tape?"  She squealed and hugged him.  The other two did the same thing.  "Thanks, kids.  Let me up so I can use the potty?"  Olivia hopped up and ran up to hers.  He smiled at Sam, getting up and going into the one down there.  When he came out, Sam was checking the time.  "Olivia, did you fall in?" he called.

"It's my reading time!" she shouted back.  "I get twenty minutes because I had to poop."

"Sure," he decided, sitting down to cuddle the other two.  Sam grinned at him.  "If it works."

"Sometimes," he admitted.  "Though she's had days she got naked, went to sit in there on the toilet, and just let whatever happened happen while she worked through her new library books."  Daniel shook his head.  "It'll happen sometime."

"I was older.  She's a bit ahead I think."

"Kids now do things earlier," Sam said.  "Even puberty comes earlier now than it did in your generation.  Or else there wouldn't be ten-year-olds with kids."  Daniel shuddered.  "Other than that, she's doing good with most everything.  Even if Peter is helping her with her table manners sometimes."

"He is good at it.  My Ma would be pleased."  Xander and Peter came in talking.  "Bad interviews?"

"No," Xander said with a grin.  "You're finally better?"

"I am.  Father Morgan made sure and nearly drowned me doing it."

"Yeah, he did the same thing when we had him handle Willow."  Daniel grinned and cuddled the kids.  He looked around.  "Potty?"

"Yup," Sam agreed.

"We're back, 'Liv."

"Reading.  Timer says I have five minutes."

"Okay."  He went to the kitchen to make a snack.  "It's poker night at Rick's, Peter.  Are you and I going?"

"I do not know," he admitted.  "Perhaps."  He smiled when she came down to give him a hug.  "Why did you change?"

"I didn't pull my pants down far enough," she sighed, pouting some.  "Got caught in the potty."

"Even I've done that," Xander assured her.  She gave him a hug too.  "Want PB&J?"

"No."

"What do you want for a snack?"

"The chocolatey peanut butter stuff and strawberry jelly?  Auntie Alexis said that strawberries and chocolate go good together."

"Sure."  He got that down.  "Daniel, this is called nutella.  It's hazelnut butter with a tiny bit of chocolate taste to it.  It's got the same fat, sugar, all that as regular peanut butter."  He nodded.  "It comes in crunchy and creamy and there's usually a few good imitation brands."  He made them sandwiches and handed the first two over.  "For your brother and sister."  She carried them over and came back to get hers.  They sat down to color together.  Xander made Peter one, handing it over with a grin.

"Thank you.  I missed lunch waiting on Marigold to quit crying."

"What happened?"

"Her daughter just announced she is with spawn."

"Ah.  That.  Yeah, some year Tara's going to cry for the same reason."  Peter smiled and let Xander make his own sandwich.  "Sam, Daniel, want one?"

"I'll take the rest of whichever kid won't eat," Daniel said.

"They inhale that stuff like it's kiddy crack," Xander joked.  He made them one and handed them over then put everything up so he could eat his own.  He sat down and looked around.  "Get into the storage cabinet, 'Liv.  There's another box of crayons in there I think."  She got up and ran in there.  "No, don't eat her sandwich," Xander said.  "She's coming right back."   The baby brother pouted at him.  "Your dad can make you another one if you want, Brad."  The baby pouted at Daniel.  "You clearly learned that off your sister," he said dryly.

Daniel nodded.  "I did the same thing at his age I'm told."  He got up to make two more for the kids to split and if not, he was hungry too.  Brad grinned and gummed his.  "Is it safe for him?"

"Yup.  He had that his first morning back on his toast."

"That's good then."  He got up to look at the label, nodding at what he saw when he compared it to the peanut butter.  "I guess that's good for them then."  Xander grinned at him.  "Tara?"

"Yup.  It's still kiddy crack since they can eat it and have chocolate at the same time."

"That would've done it for me too.  Can I call my Ma?"

"Video calling is on the office computer," Xander said with a point.  "It should log in automatically.  Just pick her name.  We've called before."  He nodded, going to do that.  Olivia followed to help.  She loved the computer phone.  The other two crawled after them.  Xander looked at Peter, who smiled and stroked over his shoulder. "I don't know."

"We'll work it out," he reminded him quietly.  Xander nodded and finished his snack, leaning on Peter's arm.  "We should both be working."

"We are.  I'm thinking up new thoughts to put into a book and hopefully a plot that hasn't been done to death.  So are you."

"Good point."  He let his husband cuddle.  He knew Xander was still worried about losing Olivia.  He was as well.  She grew on you.

***

Daniel smiled at his mother.  "Hi, Ma."

"Daniel."  She beamed at him.  "Where were you?"

"With a priest that does the same sort of thing that Xander does.  I brought back a bit of demon taint and he was removing it."

"That's good."  She smiled.  "Hello, Shannon."  Shannon smiled and waved.  "The other one?"

"Mother, there's three kids," he pointed out.

"Olivia's magic is very active and George said that she's not happy with it."

"No, she's got a good ethical foundation for it and she loves to use it to help plants grow.  Tara's made sure she won't have the same problems her mother had."  He looked down to check the kids then at his mother.  "Then again, Shannon and Brad both have the gift as well.  Brad has earth sense like his big sister and Shannon has some defensive looking stuff so far.  The coven Tara works with to help Olivia and herself have been working with me to help her not use it without need."

His mother blinked a few times.  "They all have it?  It wasn't something that will fade since you're back?"

He shook his head.  "No, 'fraid not, Ma.  They're very much like their mother in some things.  Brad can tell when there's going to be an earthquake or something like that.  His sister's a future slayer actually."

"Oh."  She considered it.  "When are you coming for a visit?"

"When are you coming for a visit?" he asked.  "Xander said he'd make sure you could get over to visit.  It'd be like a honeymoon.  George could use cookies too."

She smiled.  "It's an awfully long way, Daniel."

"So's going that way and I've just started a job at George's bar.  If not, Xander's going to be doing a signing trip and maybe we can travel with them on the way over."

She cleared her throat.  "He seems a bit... angry."

Daniel stared at her.  "No, he's not.  He's very happy.  He's done a great job with Olivia while we were gone.  She's a fantastic little girl and now they're both helping their siblings catch up."

She smiled and nodded.  "That's wonderful.  Is there any chance that their mother might come back?"

Daniel shrugged.  "No one's sure right now.  For right now, she and Buffy are trapped over there and Willow's about set to deliver them another sibling."

Olivia looked at him.  "Is that why she can't come home?"

"No.  That was them not coming through the portal and arguing about who'd go," he said, giving her a hug.  "She wants to come more than anything, Olivia.  She'll be home as soon as we can get her here."  She nodded, snuggling in.  "Why don't you go get your uncles to read to you three?"  She nodded, taking her siblings out there.  Daniel got up to close all the doors.  Then he sat down again.  "Out with it, Ma."

"I don't think that the locals would appreciate her gifts," she said quietly.

He stared at her.  "Really?  Because we don't have a few of our own there?"  She glared.  He stared back.  "Their mother is who she is, Ma.  The same as I'm who I am.  Nothing's going to change that and if you don't like it I'm sorry.  I won't let you hurt them though.  They've been through enough, don't you think?"  His father stepped into view.  "Would you like to come visit your grandchildren?"

"I would but your mother won't so I probably shouldn't travel alone, son.  My health's a bit iffy sometimes."

"Xander's got a signing trip over that way next summer.  We can probably pop around then for it."

His father smiled.  "All the times we've talked to your oldest, she seemed like a sweet girl."

"She's very blunt but very sensible," Daniel said with a smile.  "But fashionable.  Somehow her auntie Buffy taught her how to be fashionable before we realized it.  We're working on potty training.  She's already reading and starting to work on her letters."

"They're pushing her a lot," his mother complained.

"She starts school in two years and she has to have all that down by then, Ma."  His mother gaped.  "They learn through what I did in second grade math now in kindergarten.  Xander found an excellent school that'll test the other two when they're of age so they can go together.  They love Olivia and when I toured with her, she seemed to love it.  She nearly tried to camp in their library."  He grinned.  "The younger two are working on things and catching up.  The docs say they're about a year behind but they're doing good with their learning stuff.  I just found out today that there's peanut butter stuff that has chocolate and is good for them.  Xander called it kiddy crack."  He beamed.  "Tasted good too."

His father smiled.  "That definitely would've worked on you.  How is her potty training going?"

"She's got books up there.  She gets reading time each time she goes.  She's on a schedule too because she forgets.  She hates diapers, claims they make her less pretty."

"Aye," his father agreed with a nod.  "They can.  Got any new pictures?"  Daniel looked on the computer and sent them over.  "Aww, that's an adorable gown."

"She wore it to a book party for Peter, Xander's boy.  No one was around to sit her so she hung out and talked about clothes and books.  They're her favorite things next to ponies."

His mother gave him a look.  "Xander's with a boy?"

"Xander's recently married his boy, who used to be KGB."  He grinned.  "They're in sappy, gooey minded love."

His father laughed.  "You have a cousin like that who does the same thing to his boyfriend."

"It's legal here," Daniel said.  "Xander finally got around to openly giving him a ring.  They were hiding it because he gets threats from churches for writing fantasy stuff."

"That's wonderful.  I'm sure Olivia's happy?"

"She's still looking up dresses since they're doing a more public version than the courthouse wedding.  She's very happy to go shop for something pretty."  His father walked off laughing.  He stared at his mother.  "I don't care if you don't like their mother or their gifts, Ma.  They're still my children."

She scowled.  "You're being drawn into a cult."

"I am not."

"They're going to make you like them."

He snorted.  "Not hardly.  I'm still worried about my pregnant wife."  She gaped.  He stared at her.  "Nothing's going to change that, Mother.  Really.  They're good men and they love Olivia like their own.  Xander's really upset about losing her in his life."

"There's probably...."

Daniel held up a hand.  "He is not and if you say that shit to me or around me you'll never see my children again."  She gasped.  He glared.  "That's a myth and you know it.  Like Little People are.  I won't have you upsetting Xander or the kids.  So make a choice, Mother.  They're my kids and they're the only ones you're getting unless we declare Willow dead."  She hung up.  He huffed and canceled out of the program, sitting in there to calm himself down.  Peter opened the door to look at him.  "My mother's a bitch."

"She has been a few times," he admitted.  He came in and shut the door.  "When she called earlier, she almost refused to talk to Olivia but wanted the other two."

"She's not real happy they have gifts too."  He grimaced.  "And tried to insinuate that you two're wrong around the kids."  Peter snorted, shaking his head.  "Let me call someone else."  He called his sister.  She lit up and babbled at him.  He held up a hand.  "I'm pissed as hell at our spawing womb."

She snorted.  "I've seen that building, Daniel."

He nodded.  "I don't care about Ma.  Da seems sane still."

"Mostly.  He hides it better.  He's uneasy about Olivia's gifts but he's sure that her uncle will make sure she doesn't turn into your wife's problems."

"All three have it."  She groaned and shook her head.  "Yeah.  And she tried to say stuff against Xander for having a husband."

She looked at him.  "Our mother is a hidebound bigot, Daniel.  She always has been on that matter.  Gary's gay too and she kicked him out."

"Tell him I said hi and to write," he ordered quietly.

She smiled.  "Gladly.  Where are your little blessings of chaos?"

"In the living room.  I'll call back when I get my own account."  She nodded.  "Tell the others?"

"Gladly.  Anything else you want to pass on?"

"I'm starting work in George's bar."

"Wonderful."  She smiled.  "It'll work out.  You know it will.  She hated you two went over there anyway.  She claims that the US is the pit of Satan and drawing you to the dark side."

"No, I'm not a Sith lord," he said dryly.  "Brad sometimes...."

She cackled, nodding.  "All kids are at times.  I'll talk to you soon."

Olivia popped up.  "Who're you?  Are you a cousin?"

"I'm your da's sister Margaret," she said with a smile.  "You must be Olivia."  She smiled and nodded.  "Well, you're beautiful and smart just like he said.  When he brings you over, you can come play with my little kids too.  Your cousins would love that."  She beamed and nodded.  "Good girl.  Go back to playing."  Olivia ran off.  "She's sneaky like Kate."

"She is.  I wish Kate was still around sometimes.  She'd love the girls."  They shared a look.  "Think Ma's still denying why she died?"

"Probably.  I'll let you go.  Call soon, send pictures, and I'll have Gary write.  He could use more friends in the family.  I'll tell the others too."  She winked and hung up.

Daniel leaned back again, looking at Peter.  "Maybe the trip to Ireland is still on but we're not going to see my parents."  He smiled and nodded.  "Let me help them color."  He got up and went out there.  It was easy enough to lay on the floor and help do an edge.  The kids all liked that and tried to do what he was doing.

"Staying in the lines is hard," Xander told Olivia when she got pissed at herself.  "It takes years of practice.  By the time you start school you'll be able to do it."  She nodded at that, concentrating.

Her father broke it by tickling her.  "Do the best you can, even if it's not perfect.  That's how you practice."  She nodded, going back to the fun stuff.  He looked at Xander.  "My mother's a heathen bitch."

"Yup.  Could've told you that."

Daniel grinned.  "Thanks."

"Not a problem.  Though I may not be going over there.  With the last thing the Council did, the State Department didn't want me to go in case they attacked me and the British government doesn't want me to go and be attacked either."

"That's good to know.  If so, maybe we'll go halfway with you."  Xander nodded that was fine.  He got back to helping them learn new things, going over the colors for the younger two.  They definitely needed to be as smart as their sister.

***

Xander went down to answer the summons of the doorbell, staring at the officer standing there.  "Yes, Officer?"

"Alexander Harris?"

"Most of the time, yes.  Why?"

"Sir, I need to talk to you."  He pulled out his ID case.  "SVU."

Xander snorted, shaking his head.  "I'd never touch a kid, detective.  Who said what so I can sue their asses?  Was it one of the churches that sends me death threats or someone else?"

"Actually, it came from overseas.  We could go inside."

"The house is a wreck but fine."  He let him up and into the house.  "Peter, visitors."

"I am trying to get Olivia out of tub."

"Olivia, the detective wants to talk to you."

"Auntie or uncles?" she called.

"Neither."

"Shoot, I was having bubbles."

"You can have bubbles later," Peter chided, carrying her down and handing her off, towel and all.   "She refused to get dressed."

"I think they're getting a bit tight.  Can you grab her jammies?"  Peter nodded, glancing at the detective.  "SVU."

"Ah."  He walked off with a sigh of displeasure.  Something really had to be done again.

Xander put her on the floor, staring at her.  "The detective wants to ask you a few questions.  I want you to tell the truth, be polite, and not mean."

"Yes, Unclie Xander."  She checked her towel then looked at him.  "What did you want to ask?  Is it about the park?  Did the ponies have someone mean hurt them?"

He cleared his throat but shook his head.  "No, not the ponies.  Do you like pony rides?"  She smiled and nodded.  "That's good.  Have you talked to anyone in another country?"

"Grandma.  Daddy's mommy.  Oh!  And his sister, he called her."  She wrapped the towel around herself.  "Why?  Are they being mean?"

"One told an officer over there something was going on over here that I have to check."  He glanced at Xander, who got up to get some water.  Peter came down and handed her pajamas, pointing at the bathroom.  She ran in to change then came back.  Peter sat down to brush her hair.  "Can we have a tiny bit of room?" he asked politely.

Peter looked at him.  He look at his niece.  "He was told by someone that we do bad things."

She scowled at the detective.  "The unclies don't do bad things to anyone!  They only hurt bad demons who're beaing mean!"  She stomped a foot.  "Who said that?  They need to stand in the corner."

The officer smiled.  "Not that sort of bad things, princess."

"I am not!" she complained, glaring at him now.  "Princesses don't do great things for the world and I will be!"

"Sure, I understand that.  Has anyone ever made you feel uncomfortable by touching you?"

"Do shots count?" she asked.  "They're not comfy and they hurt.  But I like our doctor so you can't be mean to her for it."

"I won't be."  He smiled, pulling her closer by her hand.  "I need to know if someone...touches you in a way that makes you feel weird or nasty."

She shook her head.  "They change diapers sometimes and that makes me feel better, not nasty.  They clean off the nasty."

"'Liv, someone thought you might've run into someone like that guy in the park," Xander said from where he was trying to calm his temper down.  Before he managed to magic himself to Ireland.  He did call someone.  "I'm calling her father."

"You have custody?" the detective asked.

"Until the judge formalizes him being back, yes.  He was caught off-realm for a while."

"Oh, I heard about that."  He looked at her.  "Does anyone bad touch you, sweetie?"

She shook her head.  "I'd kick anyone like that in the ankle and then turn them into something better so they could be kitty trained."  She looked around.  "Where's brother and sister?" she asked Peter.

"In bed still I hope."

"Go check them?"  He nodded, going up to do that.  She stared at him.  "I have a detective auntie and a few detective uncles.  I'm also smart and pretty.  Who said mean things about us?"

"Olivia, that's for me to worry about," Xander said, handing her a bottle of water and some toast with regular peanut butter.  She pouted at him.  "Later."  She nodded, sitting on the coffee table to eat.  "Don't let your father catch you doing that."

"Daddy's fussy.  I know that."  She ate another bite, looking at him.  "If anyone touched me I'm allowed to change them into animals."

"Yes she is," Xander agreed.  "We agreed that was a good idea.  Especially since the one time she got taken by someone, she got knocked out."

"All right," the detective said.  "Why would she level such allegations?  Is there a custody dispute coming up?"

"She hates that we're gay," Xander said.  "She hates me anyway but she hates me more because of that."  Daniel came off the elevator with bags and John Winchester behind him.  "Get Grandpa to make you some more toast," he said quietly.  "So the adults can talk."  She nodded, bounding over to help him put things up while he did the mystical toast making.  "Daniel?"  He came over already scowling.  "Your mother said we touch Olivia."

"I'll roast her myself," he told the officer.  "There's no way they do anything of the sort!  Xander and Peter are both good men."

"I'm sure they are but we have to follow up on any allegations," the detective said.  "Do you know why she would?"  Daniel sighed but took him outside to talk to him on the porch.  There was less chance of Olivia overhearing.

Xander deflated and looked back at John.  "Think I can sue her?"

"Yup.  Probably."  He handed him some toast, then Shannon since she was running down the stairs.  "Nice job, Shannon."  She smiled and took her toast, heading to knock on the porch door until her daddy let her out.

"Let them talk," Peter ordered, coming down with Brad snuggling on his shoulder.  He got put into the high chair and John handed over the bowl of oatmeal he had microwaved.  Peter smiled.  "Thank you."

"I can't let that go on," Xander said quietly, looking at his husband.

"Then we will not."

"Thank you."

"It will hurt him but he will probably shout himself hoarse."  They shared a look.  "Tell Paula?"

"After he says there's no reason."

"Is wise."  He got back to feeding the youngest baby.  Olivia walked over to take the spoon and do it for him.  "Do not forget to eat," he said, kissing her on the head.

"Yes, Unclie Peter.  Is he a bad guy?"

"No, he's doing his job," Xander said, looking at her.  "He does important work against people who hurt kids.  We leave him alone even though someone told him I was one of them.  He's just doing his job."  She nodded, feeding her brother another bite of oatmeal.

The officer and Daniel came in.  "As a last check, I can get a warrant for her medical records," he said quietly.

Xander shook his head.  "I'll talk to her.  There's no way I want this hanging over our heads and I'm going to stop this stupidity, which means you need access."  The officer smiled.  "I'm an author and public perception is everything."

"I can understand that."  He made notes and left.  By the time he got to the doctor's office, the nurses were aware of why he was there and handed over the records before letting him speak with the doctor.  She was very horrified about the whole thing.  So clearly he was being used.  Which was a good thing.

***

Xander walked up to a reporter.  "I'm going to sue someone."  She stared at him.  Rick looked at him.  "Daniel's mother called SVU."  He smirked.

"Bull," Rick said, glaring at him.

"Yeah."

"Why?" the reporter asked.  "That's sex crimes, right?"  Xander smirked and nodded.  "But...."

"No, we're not like that."

"Then why would she?" Rick asked.

"She *loathes* Olivia.  And I do not want to have to explain to her why," he told the reporter, who nodded.  "But hates her, hates her gifts, hates her mother.  Tried to disown Daniel for having three magically gifted children.  Threw up a fit about me being with Peter."  Rick shuddered.  "So, yeah, I'm suing someone and I thought of you to make sure that they hear that," he told the reporter with a smile.

"I can definitely put that around, Alexian.  We all know you're not some pervert.  Dangerous people but not underage and especially not kids!"

He nodded.  "The detective was very cool and professional.  Olivia asked if him asking meant he was bad and we told her about how he was just doing his job.  So he's safe from her."

She shuddered.  "I'd have destroyed her by now."

Xander nodded.  "Thankfully I'm not in Ireland."

"Oooh.  So international too?"  He smirked and nodded.  "Pity."

"Yup.  Daniel knows.  And he knows I came to find you. He threw a three hour rant at his siblings."

"I would too!" she agreed.

Xander nodded.  "I'm barely calm.  Emphasis on barely.  So, can you please point out the rumors are wrong before they get started?"

"Definitely.  That's very damaging.  She must have known that."

"She called to talk to Daniel about coming home and leaving the kids with us.  When I answered she said 'I thought you'd be in jail by now'."

The reporter moaned and shook her head.  "I wish you a lot of destruction, Alexian.  I'd be pissed off too."

Xander smiled.  "Thank you for the help."  He patted Rick on the shoulder.  "The new baby and detective book is coming out."

"I knew that you two were writing it," she said dryly with a smirk for Rick.

"Paula had a copy stolen from her office last week."  Rick sighed and shook his head.  "Yeah, so it's going to be better known.  Anyway, I'm going to go buy some new explosives to calm myself down.  I'm teaching Peter how to make the explosive clay animals."  He walked around them.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  She waved and looked at Rick.  "He's at the scary stage of angry."

"I'd be at the blowing things up one," he told her.  He shook his head.  "We'll get him calmed down later."

"I wish you luck.  I really do.  So, this new detective and his cutesy son book?"

He smirked.  "This one I started and he finished."

"Aww."

"He did a lot of work on it too."  He winked.  "The baby gets some more action.   His mother hired a new nanny behind the daddy's back.  She's just his type."

She giggled.  "That's good to know."  They went back to the book talk. It was safer here than wherever Alexian was for a bit.  That area might go boom and destroy itself.

***

Rick walked into the station.  "We have to talk," he told the detectives.  They stared at him.  "Now."  They followed him to an unused room.  He shut the door.  "Daniel's mother is in deep and there may be a smoking crater in Ireland."

"Why?" Kevin asked.  He looked confused.

"Xander walked up to where I was doing an interview.  Daniel's mother talked to someone out there who called SVU."  Beckett glared.  "Xander's *livid*."

"I would be too," Esposito said.  "Are they all okay?"

"Xander said that the detective was professional and calm.  He told Olivia that he was only doing his his job when she got upset."

"That's good," Beckett agreed.  "What're they doing?"

"Suing."

"Good," Kevin Ryan agreed.  "I'd ruin them."

"Xander was teaching Peter how to make the little clay animals he makes from his plastic explosive."  Beckett whimpered and shook her head.  "I tried to call Daniel but he growled and hung up."

"We can help him calm down," she decided.  "We can cushion the kids.  We can help Daniel."  She called him.  "Daniel, it's Beckett.  What, exactly, happened?"  She put it on speaker, letting him tell them.  "Are you going to be okay with him losing his temper?" she asked when he had finished venting.

"I'm not so sure I'll be leaving anything," he admitted.  "Is Xander all right?  It probably devastated him."

"He's so pissed he's playing with the weapons to try to calm down," Rick said.  "He talked to a reporter I was talking to."

"Good!  I'd hate for it to ruin his career.  They'd never be able to pay him enough to make up for that."  He sighed.  "Really, he might as well sue them for the ponies so Olivia can have 'em anyway."  He hung up.

"It's clear where Olivia gets her temper from," Esposito said.  The others nodded.  The new captain walked in and gave them a dirty look.  "Sharing group news."

"Does it relate to a case?"

"Someone blatantly lied about Xander to get him arrested for something heinous," Rick told her.  "One of Olivia's grandparents that hates her for having a gift."

The captain winced.  "I'm sure we'd realize that shortly after arresting him."

"No, it was solved but something like that is going to cause an international stink and we're going to get hounded by people who want to talk about it.  We did when the LA team got displaced to that other realm," Beckett told her.  "Because we know him and Xander's not exactly great to interview when he's back in danger and destruction mode."

Rick nodded.  "He nearly made the reporter cry at what he'd do to her grandparents."

"Why would they say such things?"

"They've never done more than talked to Olivia over Skype," Esposito said bitterly.  "They hated her mother for having gifts.  They don't like her for the same reason and they hate that her siblings have it too.  I was unlucky enough to hear her sniping at Xander and Olivia when he was trying to let her have some contact with her grandchild.  The woman's a hidebound ass."

"Bitch doesn't even come close to her," Ryan agreed.  "Xander told me she put him down horribly and Olivia once she was out of hearing range."

The captain shook her head.  "So we'll be expecting phone calls?"

"Possibly or a few who show up to shout rude things," Beckett said.  "That, plus the threats from those churches who would willingly believe it because they hate him enough to earn federal charges for sending him bombs."  The captain gaped, staring at Castle.

"I've only had a few of those.  Xander gets weekly and monthly threats depending on which church group.  Some for the fantasy stuff.  Some for the marriage to Peter.  Some because of the demon stuff.  Our publisher has someone who just reads his mail.  She has a liaison in the NYPD and in the FBI for anything too huge."

"It doesn't always help that he thanks the psychos for burning his books," Ryan said.  The captain gave him a confused look.  He grinned back.  "Xander sends them letters of thanks for buying so many copies to burn."

She rolled her eyes.  "It encourages that sort."

"It lets them know they're not getting to him," Rick corrected.  "He complains about the straw effigies they burn of him too."

"Any local groups?" the captain asked.

"One church upstate.  The Archbishop went up to talk to them after he heard about it," Beckett said.  "If Xander wasn't so tough they'd probably consider it cowing him but he's way too tough to let it show when they bother him.  So they keep doing it hoping for the fear reaction.  Though I do think it's nice he told one of his remaining exes to leave them alone."

"He sold one of them to the Taliban for a prisoner exchange," Rick quipped.

"Seriously?" the captain demanded.  Rick and the others nodded.  "How did he do that?"

"He's CIA," Beckett said with a smug look.  "Gave Xander a nuclear warhead once."  The captain let out a tiny whimpering noise.  "Which is why we arrested most of them multiple times and weren't all that unhappy when the vengeance demon trying to use them to get Xander on his side made them shoot each other."

"I wonder if he realizes that the probates are coming up," Esposito said.

"They have a better lawyer who's handling them.  Friend of Peter's," Kevin said with a smile.  "Scary bastard too."

"Why did someone like that want Harris?" the captain asked.

"We have no clue why he drew the dangerous, deadly, and at least slightly psychotic.  I'm just glad we could arrest them."

"Made our arrests stats look marvelous," Esposito said with a grin of his own.  "We got nearly a thousand arrests combined since he moved up here."

The captain just nodded.  "His current one?"

"Retired KGB."

"So dangerous but better?" she asked, sounding hopeful.  Beckett smiled and nodded. "Good!  This new problem?"

"Xander's going to destroy them, if Daniel leaves anything of his parents when he's done," Rick said.  He snapped his fingers.  "No one told her about the pipeline probably."

"True."  Beckett looked at her.  "They told you I'm one of the liaison officers in case something demonic happens in New York?"

"I was informed of that, yes."

"They told you that I have oversight on whatever weapons Xander gets given?"

"No, they hadn't.  Not SWAT?"

"No.  Half of it comes from the kitten poker circuit the demons have."

The captain grimaced.  "That's different."

"That or homeless people," Esposito said.

"Then I like the idea better.  How big is his stockpile?"

"We have it in a special warehouse that I monitor the inventory for.  Certain others that know about demon things have access.  Xander has petting access and grabbing for emergencies access.  We're telling you so you don't have to wonder or freak out if someone brings in a weapon.  Xander, myself, and a few others decided that he'd hand over things as soon as he got them and we'd stock the things for any major emergency the city would have.  Or for things like Detroit he calls, gives me what they're probably going up against, and then we'll pick it out together."

"That's also known as the NYPD invasion vault," Kevin Ryan said.  "SWAT knows so they can grab if they need something.  The other liaison officers know too."

"So if we have another scene like at that school, we have enough supplies to handle it," the captain said.  Beckett nodded.  "That's good to know.  Anything else I should hear?"

"You know that the warehouse Xander guards pulls dangerous mystical artifacts to protect everyone, right?" Rick asked.  She gave him another strange look.  He nodded.  "It will summon them and safely put them in there so no one but Xander can use them.  He released a few things that were mystical and protective to protect an area but otherwise he dusts a lot."

"The thing is freaky but he's got a good hand at it," Kevin agreed.

"Is freaky the technical term?" the captain asked.

"It's stretched to be more than a few blocks worth of space," Beckett said.  "It takes up a quarter of the block.  He lives on top of it."

The captain blinked then nodded her head.  "That is freaky, yes.  Do we have to do anything?"

"Just be aware so we can counter anyone that'd use it to discredit Xander," Esposito said.

Kevin nodded.  "Put up with reporters when they show up to ask nosy things."

"Best friend him to help him calm down," Beckett added.  She shivered.  "There's a chilly breeze."

"Tara's here and pissed," Kevin said, walking out to talk to her.  He stared at her.  "Are you chilly?  You look blue, Tara."  He put his jacket around her shoulders.  "It'll be okay."

"How could they say such vile things about Xander?" she asked.

"Because Olivia's grandmother is a jackass," he said.  "Xander's livid and we're all trying to calm him down.  Daniel said he might leave some for Xander to destroy."

She sniffled.  "It's not right and it's not fair.  Xander nearly ruined his career to take care of her."

"I know."  He gave her a hug.  "It'll be okay.  He's already told a reporter so they know it's a false story spread by an evil bitch in Ireland."  She sniffled and nodded, resting her head on his shoulder.  "Are you all right?"

"Just tired."

He grinned.  "I'm told that all new mothers nap a lot."

She shook her head.  "I'm not Olivia or Shannon.  Thank you though."  She grinned.  "Jenny's a very lucky woman."

He winked.  "Yes she is."  She pinched him and handed the jacket back.  "It'll be okay."

"If you're sure."

"I'm positive."  She nodded and walked off.

Beckett smiled.  "You're good at helping those who're upset."

"She's a sweet girl and if she liked guys and I was single, I'd so spoil her rotten."

Beckett smiled.  "You two would be cute together."   She went to her desk, texting Xander.  She got one back from Peter, which made her smile.  "The wedding did come out during the book event?"

"Yup.  Olivia accidentally outed them between the drama rounds."

"Drama?" Esposito asked.

Rick nodded.  "Cheesy girls in really tasteless clothes wanting Xander to be straight, who ended up with knives.  A few fake cops that got really scared they had tried to raid and rob Xander's event.  Beckett came for the tacky girls."

She nodded.  "They were wearing dresses even hookers wouldn't wear.  I know strippers who would call them trashy."  The guys snickered.

"She came in and Olivia pointed out it was not pretty and more than her butt was hanging out.  When Xander drove her off finally she came back with friends and their knives."

Kevin shook his head.  "Sorry I missed it."

"It was a pretty calm party.  Peter spent half of it in a corner watching everyone."

She smiled.  "I wouldn't want that much publicity either."  Lorne Cash walked in.  "Another problem?"

"Yes, with that bomb sending people."

"Have you talked to Peter in the last few hours?" Rick asked.  Lorne looked at him then shook his head.  "You should.  They're all trying to calm down."

"I can do that."  He handed over the chart.  "The one that sent the hookers at the boys."

She smiled.  "They were her hired hands?"

"Is she Octopussy?" Rick quipped.

"Wanna be.  Can't have her own island.  No tattoos.  She pays them."

"Then a weak knock-off," Rick decided.  "Why does she want Xander?"

"She wants to turn him straight.  It's her crusade to turn well known gay men straight."

Beckett shook her head.  "So just a psycho, not his drool patrol?"

"No, no drooling.  Just a crusade to show them they like women."

"Did she get anyone else?"

"She's tried to have a few others kidnaped.  She failed miserably."  Beckett smiled at that fact.  "She's somewhere up here.  She is wanted on a federal warrant and the FBI just laughed."

"I can understand that."

The captain came out of her office.  "Why are we on for federal cases?"

Lorne smiled at her.  "Because we like Detective Beckett and her minion detectives.  She's a detective most of us in the covert parts likes."

"Oh.  Why?"

"Goes back to arresting all of the drool patrol over Xander," Rick quipped.

"I see.  Will this interfere with cases?"

Lorne nodded.  "As long as we can get her before she tries to kidnap someone else probably not."

"Can't the FBI?  I'm sure someone in that building has a clue."

"Actually, since so many are so dangerous, we go to Homeland about the ones who want him," Lorne said.  The captain let out another tiny whimpering noise.

"That's why we talk with Agent Philips," Esposito said.

"He's calmed down a lot," Kevin agreed.  "He's happier too"

"Wonderful.  Do we have a sewing circle of agents involved?"

Beckett shook her head.  "Just a short list to call in case of something.  He worked with Peter in the past."

"Peter tried to kill me more than once," Lorne agreed.  The captain gaped.  "It was the job.  He was KGB and I wasn't."  He smirked.  "He's a guy I'd always want at my back no matter what."  He looked at Beckett.  "Their first night of dating, I threatened him with more than a shovel.  Xander nearly hugged me for giving him the shovel talk."

"Tara told Peter she'd turn him into a goldfish for Olivia."

Lorne snickered.  "Wonderful.  I can see that.  When is she due?"

"She's three months along," Esposito said.

"Gotcha.  I'll be listening for people who want to hurt her and the baby when she's too big to fight back."  He waved a hand.  "Any idea where Mickey is?"

"His boss has a new case," Esposito said.  "We can call him."

Beckett texted him.  She got one back.  "He's at Robert's.   He said he'd meet you at the skating rink."

"That'll work.  Thanks, people.  Let me know if you find her."  He left.

She handed the file over when the guys rolled their chairs over.  "This one is pretty pathetic."

"She's probably at one of the higher class places to make herself feel more important."

"Let's check," Esposito agreed, taking half the list of the usual places to look.

She got her own contacts to see if they had the pathetic thing.

The captain huffed, looking at Castle.  "Is this normal?"

"Yes.  It'll take them a few hours.  There's no open case outside the cold ones."  She huffed off.  Rick called his own contacts.  "She's at the Ritz," he announced a few minutes later.  "She called the editor at the Times to set up an interview about her views and life's work."  The detectives loaded up and walked out, him following them.

The captain called the mayor to see if this was allowed.  She had never run a unit like this one before and it was almost creepy at times.  They clearly weren't under her control.

***

Xander was found at the gun range by Mickey and his boss.  "What's up, Mickey?"

"Uncle Peter's off controlling his temper?"

"We had a visit from SVU this morning thanks to Olivia's bitchy grandmother in Ireland."

"Oh!"  He nodded.  "That makes more sense."  He moved closer.  "New gun?"

"Yeah.  One of your uncle's he wanted to try.  He said it's too light and I agree."  He put it aside, nodding at the other guy.  "You must be his boss.  I've heard you do some really good things in the city."  He shook his hand.  "Problems?" he asked hopefully.

"Where's Olivia?" Mickey asked.

"She should be at daycare with her brother and sister.  Is she not?"

"No.  She somehow snuck out and went to talk to someone at one of the news stations.  There's one up the street.  She admitted she snuck when they asked."  He let him see the video.

Xander growled.  "I'm going to spank her so hard.  Daniel?"

"Can't find him."

"Peter?"

"They wanted you to come pick her up and no one could find you."

"I threw my phone earlier," Xander admitted.  He sighed.  "Let me go pick her up and yell at her."  He ran a hand through his hair.  "Any other cheery news?"

"Even his cousin can't find Daniel.  He's not answering his phone either."

Xander considered it.  He took Mickey's phone to call someone.  "It's Xander.  Is Daniel missing again?"  He blinked a few times.  "Excuse me?"  He took a deep breath.  "Okay," he decided.  "Thank you."  He hung up and called Beckett.  "Daniel got kidnaped from the city by his cousin, who was IRA when he was young and stupid."  He hung up.  Then he handed the phone back.  "Thank you."  He unloaded the gun and cleaned it then walked off vibrating in frustration.

Mickey called Peter.  "Daniel got kidnaped."  He hung up with a wince.  "Ow."

"Swearing?" Robert asked.

"And then some.  In Latin.  So clearly Xander and he are learning from each other since Xander uses Russian sometimes."

Robert nodded.  "I can see how that's nice."  He looked around.  "I like this gun range."

"I could use the blowing off stress time," Mickey admitted, going to sign them in so they could take some range time.

***

Xander walked up to the news station, smiling at the officer.  "Are you here about my sneaky niece?"

"Yes, sir."  He looked at him.  "Where is her daycare?"  Xander pointed behind him.  "That makes more sense.  You couldn't be found?"

"It's been a really long day and I threw my phone earlier.  Can I have her to yell at her?"

"Sure," the officer agreed.  "I'm just glad they found you."

"Tara and I share custody.  If you can't find me, find her."

"She's not at work and her phone's going to voicemail."

"Yeah, it's been one of those days.  It started real early and got worse from there."  The officer looked at him.  "Her grandmother, who has never done more than see her via Skype, made accusations."

"I heard that and that you're suing her."

"Yes, I am.  If her father leaves any part of his mother alive."  She ran out with a squeal.  He stared down at her.  "I'm *so* paddling you for this stunt."

She sniffled.  "I was being good!"

"Thou shalt not leave daycare.  It's dangerous.  You could've gotten hit by a car.  You could've gotten stolen.  You could've been arrested and me too!"  She whimpered and pouted, looking down.  He stared down at her.  "You're so grounded it's not funny.  All your library books are going back today.  A week without your library card."  She burst out crying and ran back inside.  He sighed and calmed himself down.

"I would've paddled mine," the officer said.

"I'm trying really hard not to physically punish her," he said quietly.  "It broke me in many bad ways."  He walked inside and picked her up.  "Apologize for coming up here to bother them."

"It was actually very helpful," the reporter said.  "I heard the story that her grandmother had said something horrendous."  Xander nodded.  "She let us ask her all sorts of questions so it can be used to make her suffer during the lawsuit.  She told me why she showed up to talk to someone who talked to the people in the computer who knew she was smart and pretty."

"She still shouldn't sneak out of daycare."

"No, she shouldn't.  That's dangerous," the reporter agreed, looking at Olivia.  "It was a good idea but bad timing, Olivia."

Xander nodded.  "Yes, it was.  We don't need this sort of stress today," he told her.  "It's a bad day."

She pouted.  "Where's Daddy?"

"Your grandmother had one of your cousins steal him."

She scowled.  "Excuse me!"

He grinned.  "Way to channel your mom there, sprout.  You're still grounded for a damn week, including no library books."

"We have to get Daddy back before he gets lost again!"

"I already told Detective Beckett."

She smiled.  "She'll kick butt and then wipe the nastiness off her pretty shoes."  She put her head down on his shoulder.  "I'm sorry."

"You're going to be."  She huffed.  "Yay."

"Fine.  Even though I was helping."

"Yay," he shot back.  "Still wrong to sneak from daycare.  I would've had to destroy a lot of people if you had gotten hurt."

She looked at him.  "Really?"

"Yeah.  I would've brought out the warehouse and everything to kill whoever hurt you."  She whimpered.  He nodded.  "So think about that the next time you do something like this.  Try thinking about whether or not we'd like it."

"Yes, Uncle Xander.  Can we get baby brother and sister?"

"Yup."  He shook the reporter's hand.  "Thank you."

"I would've called Tara but she's not at work."

"No, today's her day off."

"I can understand that.  How far along is she?"

"Three months."  He grinned.  "That's my future minion of spoiled.  Then I'll have four."  The reporter smiled and nodded.  "Let me go calm down and yell at her."  He walked out.  He took her up to the daycare, finding the head of it waiting on him.  "How?"

"She snuck out through a window in the bathroom.  It didn't have an alarm on it until this afternoon.  We're really sorry, Xander."

He shook his head.  "She was trying to be helpful.  She's grounded by the way."

"Good!"

Xander smirked at the fussy thing he was carrying.  "Shut up before I decide to spank as well."  She quit fussing.  "Let me sign them out?"  She smiled back.  "Shannon, Brad?" he called.  They came out squealing.  "Good kids.  Let's go.  Thanks, Missy.  She's grounded for a week."

"That's fine, Xander.  Good idea."

"But library books!" Olivia whined.

Xander looked at her.  "I can paddle your ass," he offered.  She shook her head quickly.  "C'mon, guys.  Car."  He pointed.  They followed him out.  He got them in while Olivia settled in her seat.  He buckled her in last since she wouldn't try to escape.  Then he closed the door and looked at them.  "Can you?" he asked with a point.  The head of the daycare nodded.  Xander walked off to the alley and threw the fit he'd been trying to hold off for hours.  A true screaming, hopping up and down, swearing in multiple languages, nearly letting go and casting magic fit.  At the end he took a calming breath and then walked back.  "Thanks, Marge."

"Welcome, Xander.  With the day you've had, the fit was fairly short."

"I was at a gun range until Peter's nephew told me."  He looked at the car.  Dean was in there.  He got in to drive.  "She's grounded."

"Duh," Dean said.  "Dad wants to beat her."

"Don't tempt me.  I'm still debating that but we have other problems."

"Yeah, they gassed us," Dean admitted.

"Why?" Olivia demanded.

"To steal your dad."

"I'm going to kick someone really hard," she said with a scowl.  Xander glanced back at her.  She calmed herself.  "Can we call Auntie?"

"No, I'll call her in a bit.  You can't use the phone for a week."

"Yes, Uncle Xander."

"Thank you.  Dean, when we get home, her library books are going back."

"Sure, I can handle that.  Dad will want to paddle her."

"She's going to take a punitive nap as soon as we get home," Xander said calmly.  "We have more problems than her acting up.  I'm sure she's not going to do it again too.  As for spanking, that's up to her aunt."

"Sure," Dean agreed, texting that at Tara.  "Your phone?"

"Little pieces on the porch?"

"Sammy cleaned it up."

"Thanks."  He rubbed his forehead.

"Let me drive," Dean ordered quietly.  Xander nodded, pulling over and getting out without complaint.  He had a migraine starting.  Dean shifted over once Xander was out of the way.  Xander got back in and he drove them home.  Once there, Olivia got put in her bed.  Xander went to lay on the couch with a cool compress for his head.  Dean gathered all the library books and took them back while Sam and John watched the other two.

Peter came off the elevator a few minutes later.  "British Customs stopped them."  Xander sighed and nodded.  "They'll be sending him home soon."

"That'll be a good thing," Xander agreed quietly.  Peter looked down at him.  "Headache from holding off the fit."  He got a kiss and the bottle of advil handed to him.  He smiled.  "Olivia is grounded for a week, Dean took her library books.  If she's getting spanked, Tara can do it," he told John when he opened his mouth.

"She's probably calmer," John agreed.  "She has to learn."

"She was very upset when I grounded her tiny butt.  She was nearly crying," Xander said quietly.

John nodded.  "Good!"

"I also pointed out I'd have to destroy a whole lot of people if she had gotten hurt.  I'm pretty sure she'd hate that so she'd never do it again."

John smirked.  "Guilt tripping might work since she's so sensitive."

Xander nodded. "The reporter said that she did a good interview and asked all the right questions for the later lawsuit."

"Excellent," Sam agreed.  Someone called the house phone and he grabbed it.  "Xander's house."  He listened, taking it outside.  Brad tried to follow but headed back inside since it was a bit chilly today.

Xander looked over there.  "Sam, problems?"

"Beckett."

"Tell her Olivia wants to watch her clean the shit off her shoes when she kicks their asses."

"I can."  He closed the door.

Xander relaxed again.  When Peter sat down, he shifted to lay his head on his husband's thigh.  "Can we kill her?" he asked quietly.

Peter petted him, nodding.  "Is not a horrible idea.  We will let the law try first and then say something."  Xander swallowed and nodded.  "Relax, let us handle a few things."

"Please."  Peter petted him, making him relax.  Xander finally fell asleep.

John looked over from playing with the kids.  "Good job," he mouthed.  "Let them try things."

Sam came in and put the phone back on the base.  "Beckett has talked to Agent Philips in Homeland about this and the slut that wanted to take him from the book party."  Peter nodded. "She was a minion of someone who wants to turn publically gay men in the popular media straight by force."  John snorted, shaking his head.  "They just had her arrested for your buddy Lorne," he said, looking at Peter.

"Was nice of them.  Means I do not have to hit them next time."  He went back to petting his husband.  They both had to calm down before Peter arranged for a flight to Ireland.  They could take a full family vacation to kick ass.  The kids would like that; he would've at their ages and so would his nephews.

***

Daniel looked up from the table in the small room he was in when the door opened.  He got up and stared at the person being let in then hauled off and hit her.  "For hurting my kids.  Olivia's got to be freaking out since she just got me back."

"She's ...." his mother started to say and Daniel slapped her again.  "How dare you!  I knew they'd turn you!"

"The only thing that turned me was you," he spat.  "You're an evil bitch worse than most demons, Mother.  How dare you!"  The officers tried to separate them.  "I don't want to see that woman ever the hell again."

"I can understand why," one of the officers said, getting between them.  "For right now, we need to finish taking statements and arrange for you to get back to New York."

Daniel nodded.  "Can we call my kids?"

"We can but the phone's been busy.  Is it a mobile?" he asked.  Daniel nodded with a sigh.  "Do you have the house number?"

"Hopefully in my phone.  If not, call Gunn's number, he'd have it."

"I can do that," he said soothingly.  "Now, sit, please?"  Daniel sat, his back in a corner, staring at them.  His mother got put at the table.  "All right.  Let's start from the top.  How did all this begin?  I know it had to start somewhere beyond his kidnaping."

Daniel glared at his mother's back.  "Oh, it did."  He went over a lot of past history, which mostly made her huffy and flinch a few times.

"That author guy?" one of the other officers asked.

Daniel smiled and nodded.  "Olivia's my eldest."

"She's adorable. I saw them on an interview thing."

Daniel beamed.  "She's a bit spoiled and very pouty about her prettiness level but otherwise she's a good girl most of the time.  Very smart."

"She looked like it."  The head officer looked at him.  "Is there any more current issues?  We were told she was with the local department earlier today."

He snorted and nodded.  "She decided to tell someone that Xander's one of those wrong and evil sorts.  He's not.  He's never going to be even if someone possesses him."

"You don't need to be around people like that anyway!" his mother shouted, glaring at him.

He looked at her.  "Shut up because if Willow doesn't come back, I'm going to take up with a husband so I don't dishonor her memory."  She gasped.  He stared her down.  "Then we'll adopt some kids."  She burst out crying.  He looked at the officers.  "Earlier, before my cousin proved he had lost his mind, I was so mad I was going to rip her apart.  Now, I'm more seeing the pathetic as Tara calls it.  Can I please get out of her stink?"

"Agreed," the head officer said, letting him be led to another room.  That gave him all he needed to know to charge her.  They had the cousin that had snatched him, who had refused to say anything.  He heard a disturbance and walked out, finding Daniel beating the crap out of someone.  "Another relative?"

"Nope, demon," he said dryly, kicking him.  "No, you won't go near my kids," he sneered.  "No matter which realm or continent I'm on.  I'm pretty damn sure if Xander and Peter can't protect them, Tara can and will.  And if they can't, there's Winchesters, the rest of the LA team, and a shitload of demons who owe Xander their lives."  He kicked him again.  "Still want my family?"  It moaned and turned to goo.  "Good!"  He glared at his cousin, who slowly backed away.  "We're going to talk."

"You used to be the sweet one."

"Hmm, well, hunting and all that," Daniel quipped with an evil smirk.  "And you're the next highest on my shit list.  Even Willow didn't piss me off this badly when she was doing memory spells."  His cousin let out a nervous laugh and backed up more.  "If this so much as upsets my babies, you're going to be paying forever.  Even if I have to ask Xander to get me a contact in the demon community."

"I'd never want to hurt your babies, Daniel.  That's why I waited until they were at playschool."

Daniel sneered.  "That's not going to save you."  His cousin nodded and looked down.  "I'd sing so God has a pretty tune to escort you to him for judgement.  Maybe he'll forgive you since I won't be."

"I understand.  Auntie is very wrong this time."

"Yup, she is.  Hopefully he'll help her get right too."  His cousin nodded.  Daniel let himself be led off.  "Can we call the house?  I'd like to check on the kids."

"Sure.  Let me get your phone," the officer said.

Daniel smiled.  "Thank you."

"It's good that you stopped that harmful one from causing us more problems."

Daniel's cousin looked at the head officer.  "I'm ready to make a deal."

"I'm sure you are.  They'll be here in an hour or so."  He nodded and let himself be led back to his room.  "Why was he out?" he asked a staring officer.

"He jumped up when the other one started to beat the demon."

"Good reason then."  He went back to questioning the mother, who had witnessed all of it.  Clearly she wasn't happy with what her son was now like.  Pity for her though.

***

Olivia heard the phone but it was muffled.  She looked around then sighed and summoned it.  John was in the bathroom so he wouldn't yell too much.  "Hello," she chirped.  "Daddy!"

John came out and took it.  "Daniel, are you all right?"  He smiled at her.  "She's fine.  She snuck out of daycare to go talk to a reporter but she's fine.  Just grounded a whole lot.  The other two are good too.  Where are you?"  He nodded.  "That's a great thing, yeah.  I can do that.  Napping off the migraine.  Peter's down looking at weapons.  I can do that and we're guarding the kids.  You know they're like my own grandkids.  I can do that.  Here's Olivia."  She was giving him an impatient look and nearly snatched the phone from his fingers.  "Behave," he warned.

"Hi, Daddy."  She listened and then smiled at her siblings, who were staring.  "No, they're doing pretty good.  We're coloring and nibbling on carrots and banana chips.  I can do that.  How long before you come back?"  She smiled.  "That's a great thing.  Of course we like Grandpa John.  He's a really good grandpa.  He teaches us stuff and he bought me my crossbow too.  I can do that," she chirped.  "How do I do the bleepy thing that turns it on speaker?"  John did that for her.  "Thank you, Grandpa."

"You have very good manners, daughter," Daniel said.

"If I do then my baby brother and sister will," she said.  She moved closer to them.  "It's Daddy."  They cooed and waved at the phone.  "They're staring at it."

"That's fine, Olivia.  Are you all right?"

"I'm okay and Auntie Tara said she'd paddle me next time if I ever did something so stupid.  Uncle Xander was mean and grounded me plus took all my library books back."

"I would've paddled you and done that," John assured her.  "You still wouldn't be sitting."

She stuck her tongue out.  "Unclie Sammy said you were mean when he was little.  He thought you grew out of that."

"That adds another week and an hour in the corner!" Xander called, coming down the stairs.

"It's daddy!"

"As soon as he hangs up, your butt's going in the corner, young lady."

"I can agree with that.  You have good manners, Olivia.  Use them."

"Yes, Daddy.  It's going to be three whole days?"

"Yup.  They have to get some paperwork from the US.  We're hoping it's going to be that fast."

"If they need a new sponsor or something I'll do it," Xander promised.  "Are you all right?"

"He wasn't mean.  Just gassed me.  He's already praying and my mother is too.  Haven't seen my father yet."

"If you need us, you let us know," Xander ordered.

"I will.  Are they all right?"

"They're fine.  Olivia's having an acting out day but otherwise they're good.  It'll be all right."

Daniel sighed.  "Thank you.  I know I can trust you to protect and nurture what's mine.  I'll see you guys in three days," he told the kids.  "If not, I'll call as soon as I hear something."

"We can do that," Xander promised.  "Be safe."

"I will be."  He hung up.

Xander pointed.  She huffed but did that.  "You know better."

"I know," she pouted.  "But it was daddy."

"That's great but your mouth is out of control again."

She nodded, sitting in the corner facing it, pouting heavily.  Even the cats wouldn't come play with her.

John smiled at Xander.  "Thank you."

"It's normal to act out when you're that age and bad things are going on," he reminded him.  "I'm sure you saw plenty right after you lost your wife."  John nodded he had.

Peter came up.  "Anything new?"

"Daddy called," Olivia said.  "He's all right.  He said he needs paperwork and it'll be three days he hopes."

"That is fine.  You and your siblings are very good to help raise."  She smiled at him.  "Why are you in corner?"

"I called Grandpa mean."

"Hmm, that is good reason, yes."  He gave her a hug.  "Quit acting out."

"Yes, Uncle Peter.  Can we see Unclie Mickey's mommy again?  She made nice stew."

"I will see."  He looked at Xander, who shrugged.  "Is not a treat really."

"No, that's a family dinner, not a treat.  I wouldn't mind if she wouldn't.  They could use a bit of normal."

"I'll call later."  He took a kiss.  "Head better?"  Xander smiled and nodded.  "We should have that checked."

"I'm pretty sure it's a blood pressure spike.  I checked mine and it was through the roof."

"Then we'll have to watch that.  No one outside stupid people want to lose you."  Xander mugged him and then got a cuddle before going back to making dinner.  He looked at John.  "Your boys?"

"Beckett for Sammy and Dean was heading to check on Tara since she called and hung up."

"That is good of them."  Peter helped with dinner.

"Veggies?" Olivia asked.

"No.  Regular potatoes."

"Oh," she said with a new pout.  That was really mean of her uncle.  He knew how much she liked veggies.

"I used to make the boys eat a full meal of vegetables when I was punishing them," John said, shaking his head.

"She'd like that."

"I know.  That's why girls are harder to raise than boys."

Xander nodded.  "There's marshmallows for dessert too."  Olivia sniffled and her pout got worse.  He and Peter shared a smirk.  It was hard to punish Olivia since she didn't watch tv, liked to sit and read, liked vegetables, and was generally on the positive side of any punishment most parents used.

***

Xander answered the bell, going down to talk to whoever had run it.  "Nicholas."  He let him in.  "What's up?"

"I saw Olivia's interview."  He stared at him.

"She's so grounded for that," Xander said dryly.

"The reporter said she had snuck out of daycare to talk to her because she knew that you went to people like reporters about bad things going on."  Xander nodded.  "Is she all right?"

"Yeah, just really pouty about the grounding."  He took him upstairs.  Olivia was back in the corner.  He looked at Sammy, who rolled his eyes.  "Mouth, magic, or otherwise?"

"Magically changing her brother's diaper."

"It was gross," Olivia complained.

Xander stared at her.  "It could've hurt him.  You don't have the small control necessary to clean him with it."

"Oh."  She grimaced.

"If you had told us, we would've changed him," Sam reminded her.  "That's an adult job, not an Olivia job."  She nodded, looking down and sitting down again.  "Shannon cackled."

Xander nodded.  "She likes to see her brother stumble and fall too."  He looked back at his nephew-in-law.  "Any other good news?"

"Mother sent me to check."

"We should have family dinner soon," Olivia said.

"Uncle Peter already called," Nicholas promised.  He looked at Xander.  "Mother also wanted to know about the holidays."

Xander smiled.  "Well, we're pretty multi-religious around here.  So we'll be doing solstice for me, Tara, and the kids.  Presents on christmas day, and we're going to your church for the January 6th one."  Nicholas smiled and nodded.  "That way they all get to know about the various religions in the family."

"That's a wonderful idea.  We also run a daycare."

"No, their daycare has a member of Tara's coven working there.  That's why we went there."

"That makes a lot of sense.  The other two?"  Xander nodded.  "Hmm.  Uncle Peter said something about Shannon."

"She's a slayer."

"Oh," he said with a wince.  "Training?  I'm sure Uncle Peter can help."

"It's us, John, Dean, and Sam, some with Tara since she has gifts too.  Kinella's helped a few times and Faith just shudders because she's been an active slayer for a long time."

"I can see that reason, yes."  He smiled at his uncle when he came in.  "Mother wanted me to pump you for information on the holidays."  He looked at Xander.  "What is Daniel?"

"Lapsed Catholic.  The last few years he went to solstice with Willow.  If not, there's a non-bigoted church we know about."

"Good.  Clothes, toys?"

"Sure," Xander agreed with a smile.

"Saks?" Olivia asked.

"No, and want another ten minutes?" Xander shot back.  She slumped and quit listening, putting her hands over her ears.  He grinned at his nephew-in-law.  "She's in the middle of a growth spurt.  We can gladly give her sizes when we come for dinner and go over toy preferences."

"Please, no bells, whistles, or drums," Peter said.  "Will drive me nuts.  Pans did this morning at two thanks to Brad."  He sipped his coffee.

"It was kinda brilliant that he made it out of the crib and down the stairs without any of us knowing.  Usually we would've woken up when his door opened or we heard the first thump on the stairs."

"Good point.  Was very well done."  He looked at Olivia and pointed.  "Why?"

"Magically changing diapers," Sam said.  "Time's up."  She hopped up and went to play with the cats.  That wouldn't get her in trouble at all.  "Olivia could use another bookshelf and a new dresser."

"I have no idea what Shannon was doing when she was trying to hide inside it and broke a drawer," Xander agreed.  "I'm looking at the thrift shops."

"I'll tell Mother that," Nicholas said.  "Is Sunday good?"  Peter nodded.  Xander shook his head.  "No?"

"No.  Daniel may be back that day.  If so, there's going to be fussy and crying kids."

"I get that.  Wednesday?"

"Works," Xander said, finding his phone to look at it.  "Peter has an interview at four downtown."

"We can do a later dinner then," Nicholas agreed with a smile.  "Thanks, guys.  She's getting that grandchild feeling.  Mickey's hiding from her."

"She can be a virtual grandma like John is," Xander agreed.  "Or a great-aunt."

"I'll tell her that."  He smiled and hugged his uncle then left.

John opened the porch door.  "I like the kids as grandchildren.  Their father has sense and you've raised Olivia to have just as much."

Xander grinned.  "We don't mind you being the grandfather.  She needs more grandparents and people with sense."

"Peter's sister is a good woman from what you've said.  Maybe she'll be able to control the mouth."  He stared in the office.  "I heard that.  There is no magic spell to dye cats."

"Mommy's book has one."

"When did you get Willow's spell book?" Xander asked.  "And where?"  He looked at John, who shook his head.  "I only had two and they were in storage," he said quietly.  "Olivia?"

"It got mailed."  She got up to get them and the package since she had kept them in there.  "See?"

He looked.  "Fred," he complained.  "Did you do anything with these?"  She stared at him, looking scared.  "I'm not mad.  I just wanted to know."

"No."

Xander nodded.  "Okay.  These are a bit adult for you so I'm going to put them up.  You can have them back when you're ten.  All right?"  She started to sniffle.  "John?"  He came in to test her, finding demon taint.  "Maybe not Fred."

"I'll call," Peter said.  "Since I cannot do exorcisms yet."

"This is going to be more than that," John said.  "It's powerful."

"That might explain her acting out," Xander muttered as he walked off calling someone.  "I need a huge favor, Glenda.  We just found demon taint on Olivia and she had been sent some of her mother's spell books."   He pulled the phone away from his ear when she screamed and ranted.  "That's why I'm calling," he said toward it.  "We're at home."  He hung up on new screaming.  "Ow."

Peter smiled.  "Fred said she did not send them.  Nor did Wesley or Gunn.  They say they do not have her books."

Xander considered it.  "They were confiscated, weren't they?"  Peter nodded.  "So the fucking Council sent it to their guy in LA?"

"Is possible."

"It's most likely," John complained.  "They tried to approach me when I had Shannon and Brad in the park.  I had him arrested."

Xander nodded.  "I so need to have a talk with the ones who're still around."  He went up to Olivia's room, finding a few others.  He came back down and put them with the first few.  "Call Tara, have her summon everything of Willow's back if she can?"  Someone buzzed the bell so he went to let them in.  "Hi, Father Morgan.  John's working on it.  Hi, Miss Glenda.  Living room."  He watched them head up and sighed, stepping outside and closing the door most of the way.  He needed some air and some breathing room before he had to throw another fit.  He felt more than heard someone sneaking toward him, kicking the door shut as he turned to deal with it.  He also got stabbed before he could do more than turn.  "That's so cute of you," he growled, attacking back.  The knife was still in there.  The demon was going to die.  Hard.  The demon tried to run but ran into a familiar detective behind him.  Xander pulled the knife out and killed the demon, panting and holding his side.  "Flesh wound."

"Shut up, Xander.  Go tell Peter to baby you."  Detective Ryan stared at him.  "Why are we having the scary people conference?  Tara wanted to know."

"Someone sent Olivia some of her mommy's spell books through the mail.  I found another six in her room."

Kevin grimaced.  "That's probably a bad thing."

"Yeah, more than.   Is Tara really pissed off?"

"Confused.  Let's get you upstairs."  He pushed the button and John came down scowling.  "Some demon just stabbed him in the ribs."

"It slid off to the side," Xander said.

"That'll work."  He let them inside.  "Olivia's free of the taint.  It saw Glenda and fled screaming that the Council had said she was open game."

"I'll fix that later," Xander growled.  He came off the elevator.  "Dear, I could use a bandage."

"I figured it was something like that."  He got the first aid box and took Xander into the bathroom down there to fix him back up.  "What is our current plan?"

"I know some portal making demons."

"I could have used that when I was working."  He took a kiss and Xander sprinkled him with holy water.  "I'm still me."

"When did you eat peppermint?  I thought you hated it."

"I did but they had some for taste in protective herb candy."

"That's great stuff but the hyena hates it."  He sighed and lifted his arms up again.  Peter smiled and finished the bandaging job.  "Let's go see the local Council."

"Is bold move."

"Yes but I'm pretty darn sure that they're going to hate that happening since there's a prophecy about Olivia becoming a hunter and that being the last apocalypse of humanity."

"Then yes, they should not like it."  He walked him back out.   "We are going visiting."

"No, I'm going to go growl at people," Xander admitted.  He grabbed his jacket and looked at Olivia.  He squatted down to get on her level, making her look at him.  "We are not mad at you.  It is not your fault someone sent you those.  You're just too little right now to get into them.  When you're old enough to start seriously practicing with the coven, you can have your mom's books back."  She nodded, staring at him.  "Until then, be a little girl, not the scary mega witch daughter of the last mega witch."  He hugged her.  "I love you, no matter how bad you are, no matter how often your mouth gets you sent to bed or the corner, no matter how often you chase the cats."  She sniffled and nodded.  "For right now, be a good big sister.  Play with your younger brother and sister.  They could use some play time."

"You're not mad?"

"No, I'm not mad.  Even if the acting out was all you instead of whatever tried to take you over, I'm never going to be mad at you.  Okay?"

She nodded, hugging him again.  "Just don't marry Daddy.  That would be weird to have two husbands who needed pretty dress."  Xander snickered and gave her a squeeze.  "Are you going to the Council?"

"Yes, but you're staying here.  Grandpa's going to protect you while Peter and I go growl at them.  I'm going to go spank one of them and you don't really need to see that."

She covered her butt.  "They won't do it again."

"No, they won't be."  He kissed her on the head then stood up.  "Be a good girl for Grandpa.  I'll be back in a bit."  She nodded, climbing up onto the couch next to John and her siblings.  "Any other things you got sent?"

"A necklace," she said.

"I'll find it," John promised.  "Dean and Sammy are on their way back."

"Okay."  He smiled and hugged Glenda.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome and that's a good time for her to get them."

"We found out because she was talking about a spell to dye the cats," John said.

"Why not, people dye their doggies pink," she said.

Xander shook his head.  "The cats would riot and kill us all for kitty food."  He and Peter left, with a quick stop at the artillery warehouse for something small but imposing.  They walked into the demon council's building with him in front.  Peter followed looking displeased.  Demons all over the building went into a panic and started to call Beckett, Taylor, Flack, the slayers, John, anyone who would save them from Xander being so upset.

The demon council was in their meeting room.  "You bring your tainted blood in here?" one demanded.

"Want me to fire this up your ass since I just killed one of your assistants?" he shot back.  The council gasped.  "Let me make something *totally* clear," he sneered at them.  "Whoever sent the demon at Olivia, I'm going to kill.  I'm going to make a fucking mess.  Whoever sent her the spellbooks from her mother's library is getting it too."  He stared around.  "Whoever it is that keeps trying to get Shannon and Brad, I'm going to do worse to.  And then I'll start to cackle like my furry other self does."

The head of the council cleared her throat.  "Excuse me?  The family was attacked by one of us?"

Peter pulled out his phone to show her the picture he had taken as they walked past it.  "He stabbed my husband.  I am not pleased.  I am even less pleased that we had to pull spirits out of Olivia and had to upset her because she was reading her mother's spell books."

"Shit," she moaned, rubbing her forehead.  She glared at that councilor.  "Why was your personal assistant attacking him?"

"He's not one of us!"  He pointed at Xander.  "He's a pretending being!"

"Shut the fuck up," Xander ordered.  "I've never been a demon.  I've been possessed a few times.  Got some mermaid taint given to me.  I've never said I was a demon beyond being one in the bedroom."  One of the guards coughed.  Xander stared at him.  "Anya called me a viking and she should know."  He looked at them again.  "I want that truth potion used on him so I can find out if I'm ending him or others."

"We will hold a hearing," the head of the council agreed.  "That was endangering not only us but humanity as well."

Beckett stomped in.  "Xander," she said firmly.

He glared at her.  "Someone nicely decided to endanger the kids."  He glared at the head of the council again.  "And if he's found guilty?"

"We will have him eaten," she promised.  "Who sent the spellbooks?"

"Could have been the Council.  They know about Shannon and tried to get her from John.  Might've been part of this plot.  Someone sent her three through the mail claiming to be from Fred.  The others were in her room with a necklace she also got sent."  Peter held up the picture Dean had sent of it.

The Councilor next to the idiot demon hauled off and hit him.  "My people would not send that at a child so I know your envoy had to get it!"  He looked at Xander.  "That held a powerful Old One."

"Witch Glenda, Father Morgan, and John handled it," Peter said.

"Two banes to the side of Evil and the witch that makes every practioner in the city shudder.  It was a good choice."  He looked at the head of the Council.  "I need someone to investigate when it was stolen."

"Agreed.  Anything else, Xander?  Or you, Peter?"

Xander smirked at the demon.  "I don't know why the demon wanted to stab me with the apocalypse attempt a few years back."

The head of the council gasped.  "I had forgotten you got given a demon plague!"  She got up to hit him herself.  "That is never to be released on this plane or all of demon kind will die, and so will most of humanity!"  She hit him again.

Xander stared at her.  "When would you like us to come back?"

"Hearings are done in secret," she told him.  "We will call with a verdict and let you witness his execution if he is found guilty."  She huffed.  "You were going to destroy us all?"

"If all of you had hurt the kids, yup.  Every damn last one in the city if I have to so they're protected and safe."

She smiled.  "Good.  I like that attitude.  I would say the same if someone were infesting my young.  I'm sure most parents would."  She looked at Beckett.  "We have no problem with him wanting to destroy us for that reason."

"I'd do the same thing."

"It's a trait we have always admired in humans."  She looked at them.  "Go put the shiny thing up, Peter, and calm your mate down.  We will be calling shortly after midnight."

"I wanted to know of those who make portals in case it is the Watchers who did it."

She blinked a few times.  "They're mostly gone."

"There's six in town," Xander corrected.

"Well, many less than there used to be at least.  If this was them working through a demonic contact, we will hold them accountable as well.  Shannon is active, we all know of that."  The demon under arrest gasped and tried to back away.  "We also all know that all three children share their mother's gifts.  Also that is why their paternal grandmother is having fits?"  Xander nodded.  "Then I pity her for her blindness.  Olivia has always been a joy to us.  She's a sweet child and I'm sure you can turn her siblings into sweet children who have manners as well."  She smiled at the detectives.  "It will be fine."

"He's still not supposed to grab artillery without a cause," Flack said.

"There are three prophecies that state Olivia becoming a true hunter will be Humanity's last apocalypse," one of the other members said.  "There is another about a slayer with magical gifts being one of the final ones of demon kind."

"John's training her."

"Excellent.  That means that she'll have sense, ethics, and a lot of skills," that demon agreed with a smile for him.  "Brad's earth sense is also noted in one but the trio of children would be negated by them having a sibling."

"Willow was pregnant when the portal snapped," Xander said.  "I had a vision of her miscarrying on purpose to power the spell to come home.  Daniel would probably kill her for it though."

"So there is a sibling," the head of the council decided.  "We have no idea if it was born alive though?"  Xander nodded.  "Charming!"  The others looked at each other then nodded.  "Where is her father?"

"Daniel got kidnaped to Ireland," Beckett said.  "They're trying to get him back since he's naturalized."

"I said if he needed help on this end to call me," Xander admitted.

"Good!"  They smiled.  "We will have someone over there show Daniel the prophecy about the three siblings.  Perhaps he can soothe his grief with someone or there's one we don't know about."

Xander nodded.  "Or it could already be broken since I had to do a quickie blood adoption rite to protect them the last time the possessing kind of demon decided they wanted the children to help them go blow up Sunnydale."

They all stared.  "You did what?" the head of the Council asked.  Xander went to find the book and brought it back to show them.  Peter had the artillery to hold for now.  She read it and passed it on.  "That makes them your heirs."

"Unless Peter wants a child or something happens to Tara, they're the only ones I'll have," he said dryly. "The mermaid taint means I'm infertile."

She winced.  "I had not thought of that.  Does he know?"

"I told him I had done it.  That it was temporary because it is.  I haven't officially proclaimed them.  I was going to ask permission come solstice."

She nodded.  The others groaned.  "Brad's gifts would do well as the heir to the warehouse.  Shannon's possibly as well.  Olivia's definitely."  Xander grinned.  "Was that the intent?"

"No."

"Very good idea then.  We will ask Daniel about that.  It would definitely leave you able to help them with their gifts easier."

"Not like I have magic."

She snorted, glaring at him.  "Shut up, Knight.  Your gifts may be small and based in hellmouth taint, but you do have a tiny one."

"It has stopped a bullet in the past," Peter reminded him.  "Dean thinks that they activated when the visions started."

She nodded.  "Probably, yes.  That has been a noted path in the past."  She stared at them.  "I could like that idea.  I'll talk to Daniel myself."

"He'll be pissed."

"Right now, it would be protective."  She stared at them.  "Also, bind under the moon, Knight.  It is no fair you did a wedding in only one of your traditions."

"We went to the coven for a blessing."

"Yay!"  She smirked.  "That would grant your spouse and you better protection from the other in case someone wants to use you to start another apocalypse.  Though I believe that would be four?"

"Five."

She huffed.  "It will be stopped."  She smiled.  "I will talk to Daniel myself tonight.  You go calm down."  He nodded, walking off.  Peter followed.  Beckett took the artillery case from him with a glare.  "Detective, it is his right and responsibility to destroy whoever harmed his family.  Even if the whole building is killed in the process.  That is his right by demonic law."

"We're in New York and he has to follow our laws."

She smiled.  "Your laws wouldn't convict him either.  They'd say he was insane from the problems and his muses."  She snorted but walked off shaking her head.  The others followed.  She sat down with a sigh.  "Get him out of my sight."  They did that.  One of the librarians brought out the scrolls she'd need and she got sent to Ireland to talk to Daniel in person.

***

Daniel looked up from sharpening a stake at the twinkling.   He was in a field near his sister's house to think for a while.  He really had some things he had to think hard about.  "Head of the Council," he said with a nod of greeting.

"Daniel."  Her assistant made a chair appear for her to sit on.  "There has been news that you have not heard."

"I heard someone tried to hurt the kids.  I'd expect Xander to have handled it."

"Yes, we're holding a trial to kill that one if he did it."  Daniel smiled.  "Xander was going to destroy us all to get him, which was his right."

"He's not her parent."

"No but he could claim the children as his heir.  It would actually solve a few very bad problems."  She handed him the scrolls.  "They are translated."

He read them, grimacing.  "That's not good."  He put them into his lap and looked at her.  "Xander had a solution?"

"We found out earlier that Xander had to protect them by doing that temporary heir spell by blood."  He nodded he knew that.  "Him formally adopting them as his heirs would solve that."

"Their mother would hate that."

"The other choice is them having a sibling."

He grimaced.  "I have no idea if the new one got born yet," he admitted quietly.  "Time runs faster there."

"I know.  So did he."  She looked around then at him.  "We are suggesting that he claim them as his heirs so it will warp and close both of those.  We know he thinks of them like his own already."

"He's a good da and uncle to 'em," Daniel agreed.  "He's been very good to my sprouts."

"That would still leave you their father but would give them additional protection from the Council sorts over here."

"I've met one and nearly clocked him for suggesting they take Shannon to train."  He grimaced.  "I was going to stab him but I was stupidly unarmed when they snuck into my hotel room."

She smiled.  "They can be like that, yes."

"I pointed out that my little girl had plenty who could teach her to hunt and that being Willow's girl, they hated to go against Xander again anyway."

"They should, we hope."  She tipped her head slightly to the side.  "What do you think of the idea to close those?"

"It might be safer but I'd feel weird and I'm not sure their mother would like that."

"Is there another sibling from before then?"

He shook his head.  "Not that I'm aware of."

"That is a consideration but she would hate the apocalypse more.  It would also give him guardianship over her gifts."

"That I could like," he admitted.  "I have no idea what to do about their gifts sometimes.  Xander and Tara've done good getting them to see the ethics part so they don't have problems like Willow did."  He picked up the stake to work on some more.  "I'd have to think."

"He'd have to do it at solstice anyway."  Daniel grinned a bit.  "I know he wasn't going to do more than ask.  That way they also stand to inherit the warehouse."

"Brad loves it."

"He and Olivia have gifts that would invaluable in that service.  Also, if something happened to you, that would mean no one could take them from him."

"That's a thought I have as well.  I've amended my will to show that."  He looked at her.  "Why're your kind worried?"

"Because the three children represent a prophecied possible extinction event.  None of us want that."

"No, I don't."

"Finding a way around prophecies has ever been the knight's job.  He actually warped some by being born male."  Daniel snickered, shaking his head.  "Honestly.  There was one that said a slayer would be born upon the hellmouth there.  He was the only one born on top of it."

Daniel winced.  "That so figures."  She smiled and stood up.  "I'll talk to him when I get back."

"Thank you.  Many demons were taking bets on what his future actual child would be like but he pointed out he was infertile thanks to the mermaid taint.  It ruined a lot of hopes and plans."  She and her assistant left.

Daniel went back to his stake carving.  "That so figures with him," he decided.

***

Xander heard the buzzer for the door and pushed it.  "Yes?"

"Mr. Harris."

"Yes I am.  Why?"  He was going to lose his patience again this week.  It might not be very pretty either.

"May we speak?"

"Fine."  He came down, making sure the door shut behind him.  "What, Watcher?"

"Um, I was sent to ask a question.  We've heard rumors about a prophecy we've been paying attention to.  One about a slayer born on the hellmouth."

"Are you looking toward one that's born to a demon family?"

"No.  Why would we?" he asked, looking confused.

"Because when they closed Sunnydale, they ceded it to the peaceful demon population."  The watcher still looked confused.  "You know why Buffy moved to LA, right?"

"No."

He sighed and rolled his eyes.  He pushed the button.  "John, can you bring me the Sunnydale report from my office?  There's a watcher who needs to see it."

"Sure."  He came out a moment later, nodding at that one.  "Olivia's sleeping in today."

"That's fine.  I was keeping her home today anyway."  He handed it over.  "On why the FBI closed Sunnydale."

He read the first few paragraphs and groaned.  "We were not aware of this.  Who guards the hellmouth?"

"I'm told there's an elite guard unit protecting it from being used.  All the vampires got run out of town once the peaceful demons took over."

"I see."  He cleared his throat.  "There's a prophecy that states one of our most powerful slayers would be born on that hellmouth."

Xander snickered.  "The only child ever born directly overtop of that hellmouth was me."  The watcher whimpered.  Xander smirked.  "No mole, not female."

"How?" John asked.

"She was working in the school and went into labor.  She was drunkenly mopping when her water broke so she cleaned it up while complaining about the mess that someone had made.  Or so she told me.  Then suddenly I started to come, which surprised her.  She thought I was bad burritos causing stomach cramps."

"That figures," he muttered.  "This prophecy?"

"It says that one of the strongest slayers, a new fencepost in the lineage basically, would be born on top of the hellmouth sometime last century."

"Which you naturally warped by not being born female," John realized.  Xander smiled and nodded.  "You did it before you were born; I'm amazed, kid."

"Me too.  Then again, I've helped hold the slayer line strong for years."

"True.  You've done a good job helping the girls."  He looked at the watcher.  "Why is that a problem?"

"We thought it might weaken.  Though I can see how you've managed to keep it stronger while still warping it.  Um, I was ordered to politely ask you to hand over the future slayer under your control?"

"No, I'm training her with John and Kinella," Xander said firmly.  "She's Willow's daughter.  The whole hunting community hates your asses for the way you treat the girls you train.  There's no way you're getting a kid that's like my own to ruin."

"I see.  Does she have her mother's gifts?  There's that prophecy you know."

"I know.  And I'm talking to Daniel about making them my heirs for the warehouse."  He grinned.  "That should nicely stop that one as well."

"Oh, I dare say that might, yes," he said, getting weak kneed as the implications hit him.  "Um...  That's good.  I'll tell the others.  The Watchers that got sent with the LA team?"

"I'm told Giles died of an infection," Xander said more quietly.  "Wes is back in LA.  The only ones still trapped are Buffy and Willow."

"That's reasonable I suppose.  I'll report on that and on this since it wasn't noted anywhere.  Thank you for being civil."

"I can be civil but if you ever attack those kids again I'm going to kill every last one of you.  I'll cackle pleasingly and let my husband calm me down while he's nagging he could've helped."

"I'll pass that along as well."  He fled before Harris got less polite.

Xander looked at John, who shrugged.  "It's nice he was polite."

"Very."  They went back inside to work on breakfast.

***

Olivia looked around her daycare a few days later.  "Missy, where's Shannon.  My sissy radar is broken."

Missy, who was a member of Tara's coven, looked around then at her.  "She should be in the next room."

"No, she gives me funny feelings when she's close by."

Missy went to check.  "Olivia said that Shannon's not here?" she asked quietly.

The room worker looked at her.  "Who, Missy?" she asked with a smile.

"Shannon.  Olivia's sister?"

"She doesn't have any siblings."

"Shit," she said, heading for the head of the daycare.  "Olivia's siblings?"

"She has siblings?"

Missy grabbed the phone and dialed.  "Gloria, something's happened.  No one remembers that Olivia has siblings and she said Shannon's not nearby."  She listened.  "I am!  Thank you."  She called someone else.  "Detective Beckett, Missy at the daycare.  At least Shannon is missing, possibly Brad as well.  They don't remember that Olivia has siblings.  I have Gloria coming.  Thank you!  I don't want to tell Tara or Xander!"  She hung up and tested her boss, who was looking confused.  Yup, spelled.  Pretty heavily spelled.  The head of the coven stomped in and looked, then ended the spells on the building.  The room worker for Shannon's room ran in and grabbed the phone.  "I called Beckett."

"Thank your Goddess.  I didn't want to tell Xander."

Beckett stomped in with her minions and another officer.  "What happened?  Is there tape?"

"Yes," the head of the daycare said, shaking her head to clear it.  Gloria undid the rest of them on her and she sighed.  "That's bad."

"No, that's the fucking Council," Beckett muttered.

"Calling Philips," Esposito said.

Ryan nodded, calling Tara and Xander on a conference call, getting her and Peter.  "At least Shannon is missing from daycare.  There was a spell to ignore that they existed."  He winced as Tara's shouting came through the phone.  "Are you at work, Tara?"  He hung up when they did.  "Okay.  Tara's a bit pissed off.  She's having a mood swing."

Gloria looked at him.  "You're a braver man than I'll ever be, Detective."  She checked, following the kids' protections.  "Brad's possibly here."  She went down to the basement.  He was being guarded by a hellhound, but he had bites and a few bruises.  "Did you do that?"  The dog whined and nuzzled Brad then looked at her.  "Good boy.  Thank you.  Xander will say the same for protecting them."  She petted it.  "Detectives, he needs an ambulance to somewhere that can deal with demon injuries."  The door slammed open and she looked up.  "Tara, calm down.  It's not good for the baby," she said patiently.

She knelt beside him, checking him over.  "Those are fairy bites."  She looked around then at the cowering dog.  "Thank you for protecting my nephew, puppy."  She hugged it.  "Good job.  Can you wait with him until Xander and Peter get to the hospital?"  The dog yipped and lapped the boy.  "Good boy."  Paramedics rushed down.  "Fairy bites.  Wash them in saline solution, they do carry diseases.  He'll need his tetanus shot probably.  The dog goes with him because it protected him.  His uncles can meet him there."

"Sure, Miss Maclay," the paramedic said.  She stared at him.  He flinched and backed away.  "I'd never hurt the brother of a slayer."  She stood up.  That one tried to run and ran into Beckett.  "Save me!"

"Hell no," she sneered.  She walked him off.  "Tara, let me get a real set of paramedics."  She looked at the other one, who shrugged and looked confused.  "Do what she said.  Now."  He nodded, moving to treat the poor baby.  Esposito told dispatch the updated news and they agreed.  The airports were shut down.  There was an Amber alert.  Someone was going to die when the uncles found them.

***

Peter hung up and hopped up to grab weapons.  Xander came out of the office, staring at him.  "Shannon is missing from daycare, possibly Brad as well."

"I'm going to kill," he said calmly and quietly.  "I don't like to kill humans but fair warning not to let me lose my fucking mind."  Dean was on the couch and flinched, getting up to get out of the way.  He packed them a few bottles of water and handed them over to Peter, who was following Xander out the door.  Then he called John.  Dean wasn't dumb, he wasn't getting in the way of that.

***

In Ireland, Daniel got the news and hung up his phone calmly.  He was in the US embassy at the moment.  "The Watchers Council just stole my daughter from her daycare in New York," he said quietly.

"Is she one of theirs?"

"No, she's mine even if she is a slayer.  Her mother was part of the LA team."  The counselor shuddered.  "Excuse me while I go destroy them."

"If you create a problem, they'll throw you in jail, sir."

Daniel stared at him.  "If they have my daughter, they won't survive to press charges.  I want to get mine in before anyone else does."  He walked off.  The immigration guy was calling his boss to warn him.

Someone ran out.  "Let us put in a diplomatic protest," she offered.  "We can get her back within a day.  The locals hate the Council," he offered.

Daniel stared at her.  "I doubt her uncles will hold off that long.  You can put one in but if I find her first, oh well."

"I can point that out.  Let me get you an escort from the Police.  They can do that with Social Services."  He nodded once because that wouldn't take too long.  She pulled out her cellphone to start making calls.  Pretty soon she had a detective, a SWAT team on standby because they'd need one to rescue her, and Child Welfare people going with them.   The detective checked with the airport, they had no private flights going out from them.  None to New York in months.  So they had to have used magic.  That meant she could already be there and they could go now.  The social worker got a court order to turn the child back over to her father.

Daniel walked into the building first when they got there.  "You stole my daughter."

"No, we have no children in this building," the receptionist said with a smile.

Daniel hit her desk and caved in the center of it.  "You stole my daughter from fuckin' New York City," he growled.  "I'll get her back now.  I'm letting them handle it for me because otherwise I'll be helping her uncles."

She swallowed.  "I know nothing about that."

"Then I'd get your supervisor," the social worker said.  "After all, we're well aware of your problems, young lady.  I would also suggest a new job that won't get you thrown in jail for accessory to kidnaping."  The young woman started to make frantic phone calls.  Security teams showed up.  SWAT came in.  Security teams almost tried to fight until they got subdued.  Then the rest of the PD took over the building.  Xander and Peter appeared in a flash.  "Immigration must love that," the social worker complained.

Xander stared at her.  "I'm from the Sunnydale team.  The girl they stole is my niece."  She backed down.  "Daniel, have you checked the training rooms?"

"No.  Which level are they on?"

Xander took out something and fired it into the floor.  There was a stone ceiling below them and it was cracked.  Xander hopped on it a few times before it caved.  "Down here."  He whistled as he walked.

Peter looked at the detective.  "I cannot stop my husband.  They have attacked the family and him before."

"I wouldn't figure you could stop any parent," one of them agreed.  They followed while SWAT and the social worker checked on the other children they were finding.  It wasn't that hard to follow Xander.  You could hear him yelling.

"I told you not to fuck with the Sunnydale team.  Did you listen, no!" he shouted and something else solid sounding fell.  "I warned you not to come near my family again too!  Did you listen, no!"  Something got kicked in.  "I'd move that gun from my niece's head before I kill you all!"

Peter caught up to him and shot the guy holding Shannon.  "That is easier," he said, letting Xander pick her up to hold her.  Daniel rushed in to cuddle her around Xander.  Peter looked around.  "I can hear other children crying," he said quietly with a point.

Xander looked then blew in the door with the thing on his hand.  "The shit you find in a mystical warehouse from General Jack's project."  The officers rushed in there. He went back to cuddling Shannon and Daniel.  "They spelled the daycare to not know that Olivia had siblings."

"Brad?" Daniel asked quietly.

"Fairy bites.  Tara said a hellhound was protecting him."

"Good!"  He took her to cuddle.  "Did they scare you?"  She nodded, getting pouty.  "It won't happen again, Princess.  Daddy will destroy everyone who tried."  She clung to his chest, looking at Xander.  "It's my turn to destroy them."

Xander took off the hand thing and held it out.  "Trade you for her cuddliness."

"Sure," he said, handing her over.  "You wait with Uncle Xander while I go destroy stuff."  She giggled and waved.  He stomped off.  "Where's the assholes in charge?" he demanded.

"Is that an illegal device?" one of the detectives asked.

"I guard a mystical warehouse.  It came from a seriously screwy US Air Force project.  My warehouse likes to steal from it all the time."

"Like the one in London?" the social worker asked as she moved closer.  "Can I examine her to make sure she doesn't need medical attention?"  Xander shifted her so she could see Shannon better.  "She looks fine.  A bit bruised."

"I'm an excellent field medic, and yes," Xander said with a grin.  "I guard the one in New York.  These are my best friend's kids.  I'm their favorite uncle."

"That's wonderful."  She patted the baby on the foot.  "You're such a good girl."  Shannon smiled and hid her face in her uncle's shoulder.  "Her father?"

"That way," Peter said with a point.  There was new debris dust coming from the direction he had headed.  She sighed but followed.  Peter held out his hands.  "Let your uncle go destroy things while I guard you.  He has reason to hate these people that I do not yet."  Shannon leapt at him and cuddled in with a hum.  He smiled and patted her on the back.  "Do not get arrested," he said quietly.

Xander smiled.  "I'll try really hard not to."  He jogged to catch up to Daniel.  Daniel was running out of anger.  Fortunately Xander saw a good reason for it and released the harmless demon they had in a tiny cage.  "Are you evil?"  She shook her head.  "Did you bite my nephew?"

"They made me, even though my kind do not eat flesh."  She sniffled.  "I got very sick."

Daniel looked at her.  "How did they make you?"

"They poisoned me."  The officers with them stared at her.  She held up the thing on her arm.  "This releases a blood poison that makes us crave blood, even if it does make us ill.  I hate being sick."

One of the SWAT guys picked the tiny lock and let her free.  She did look a lot better.  Even if she did have to finish throwing up.  "How did they capture her?"

Xander pointed to the north.  "There's a few communities of the Fairy societies up that way," he said quietly.  "She's pretty young.  You can tell by the hair."

"Can we deliver her back there?" one asked.

Xander shook his head.  "They'll think you're part of the people who stole her."  He pulled out his phone and tapped out a message, getting a demon.  He pointed.  "They poisoned her."

"Damn, that's going to cause a war."

"Tell them a pissed off parent of a slayer born is freeing his child and freed her."  The demon nodded and left.  He looked at Daniel.  "Because you doing it won't cause a war."

Daniel smirked.  "I could like that, yeah.  Do we have those?"

"Up by Great Escape, that theme park?  Within a few miles of there."

"Huh."  He kicked in the next door and winced.  "Been a while since I had to do this."

Xander went jogging back to Peter and got the bag, coming back to open it the old fashioned way.  It blew up.  He walked through the rubble.  "Knock knock.  Sunnydale Team members here to kick your asses."  They heard chanting and followed it.  The SWAT guys were looking nervous.  Xander looked in his bag then at Daniel.  "Silver?"

"Not a bit."

"Silver, guys?"  One handed over a silver pin.  "Okay.  I'll try not to ruin it."  They let the officers sneak in and Xander lunged for the demon they were summoning.  Daniel went for the casters.  The cops looked confused but the ones with weapons were taken down.  Xander had to stab the demon a few times and got a few claw marks for it.  The demon did die though.  Xander climbed off the body and wiped the pin off, then handed it over with a smile.  "Thanks.  I didn't even think to grab anything like a silver dagger."  He looked around.  "People, for future reference, how many times have you been warned against screwing with the Sunnydale or LA teams?"  A few glared from their imprisoned places.  "Shannon is my niece.  I'm training her just like I learned from Giles, Buffy, Faith, Kendra, and now Kinella."  A few shuddered.  "Now, is there anything else?  Because if so, I can gladly help Daniel kick your asses.  We were polite until you weren't.  Then each time you attacked, we had to get meaner and meaner.  This time, I'm about to blow up this building without using a weapon.  Not that I don't have any but why waste a good toy."  A few shuddered and inched back.  "Leave Shannon alone.  And her siblings."

"She's going to become an apocalypse!" one shouted.

"I'd never let that happen.  Remember, I'm the one that warps prophecies!"  He smirked and waved.  "As in the only one ever born on top of the Sunnydale hellmouth."  They all stared.  He smirked and nodded.  "As in ever, yeah.  And hey, male."  They all moaned.  "Beyond that, I've asked Daniel to officially name them my heirs over the warehouse.  That way they will be protected.  And by the way, they have a sibling, people.  Therefore there's not three anymore."  The rest nodded, looking down.

"Now, are you guys going to leave New York the hell alone?  And the LA team?  And by the way, the kids would like their mother's things back without you sending them while pretending to be Fred."  One laughed nervously.  "The New York Demon Council is very upset that you used one that way and now they have to hold elections.  Pity."

He took the hand device back from Daniel and pointed it at a wall, destroying the thing he could feel hiding in it.  It screamed, bled a lot, and died.  Xander looked at the other one.  "I can feel chaos beings *very* well, dude."  It laughed nervously and fled.  The higher demon that came down ran screaming when it saw what Xander was wearing.  He grinned at Daniel.  "I think they decided I'm scary again."

"I'd say," Daniel agreed.  "I'll never have a rep that scary."

"Of course you will."  Xander patted him on the back.  "Let's get Shannon home?"

"Please," Daniel agreed.

"I want that hand device confiscated," one of the SWAT guys said.  "Even if it does belong in some mystical warehouse, it's dangerous."

"I'll give it to the general that the warehouse stole it from or one of the guys in the NYPD that I trust," he offered with a grin.

"Their SWAT?"

"I know some of them.  I also know some of the detectives on for demon things."

"Their SWAT," the boss ordered.

"Okay, I can do that.  Can we take her home to be fussed over?"

"Take the father too."

"I got kidnaped and I'm waiting on paperwork," Daniel admitted.

One of the detectives walked off calling the consulate.  "We're sending the father of the missing child home without having to go through Customs since they all appeared here.  Is that all right with you?  Thanks."  He hung up.  "Go ahead and go.  I'm sure your kids need you, sir."

"I need 'em even if they're okay," he admitted.  He walked back to Peter and took his girl to cuddle.  "I missed you three."  She cooed and petted him.  "Peter, can we go?"

"If you're done making a mess."

One of the detectives looked at him.  "From where in Russia?"

Peter smiled.  "I am retired to be an author now.  This is my spouse, Alexian Harris."

Xander smiled and waved.  "Hi, guys.  Retired from demon hunting.  I'm on for apocalypse battles."

"Good!" the detective decided with a nod.  "Go home, you lot."  Xander texted someone and a minute later they were gone.  He relaxed and looked at the social worker.  "I'm sure you've got plenty to do without that one."

"I do and it's heart warming how nice the boys are and how good of parents they are.  If parents aren't frantic in these sort of situations I always wonder what's wrong with them."

The detective looked around the mess then at her.  "This was just angry."

"I would be too."

"Me too, yeah."  They went back to finish freeing the kids.  Not even groups like this could keep kids hostage to train them the 'right way'.  The Queen and the PM frowned on that.  A lot.

***

Xander and the others appeared in the apartment.  The other kids pounced Daniel to cuddle and their sister to coo at.  Xander looked around.  "No detectives?"

"They're off trying to find the two that're still in the city," Sam said.

"Hmm.  Cool.  I got ordered to turn over the toy.  But the social workers got *real* unhappy with all the kids they had in holding."  He grinned.  "And there's a crapload of building fixing needed too."  He kissed Peter.  "Daniel, you want some alone time?"

"Please.  I don't mind if Dean and Sam are here."

Xander hugged and kissed each of the kids.  "Let me check on Auntie Kate and make sure they're all right.  Okay?"

Olivia looked at him.  "Thank you for rescuing Daddy."

"I don't mind rescuing your father or your sister."  He smiled.  "I'll never mind rescuing any of you."  She nodded and put her head down.  "You guys behave for Daddy and Uncles Dean and Sam.  I'm getting lunch for me and Peter while we're out."

"Okay but you call often so we don't have to worry," Olivia ordered.

"We will," Peter promised, patting her on the head as well.  "You spend some time with your father."  She snuggled in again, putting Shannon between her and Daniel for the most cuddling coverage, and so Brad could have more of him.

***

Xander and Peter walked into the station and up to Beckett's desk, but she wasn't there.  He leaned in the captain's office.  "I'm handing over a neat toy to Beckett and SWAT.  We're going to hang in her chair until she's back if that's all right."

"Fine, Mr. Harris.  What happened?"

"The Watchers Council took Shannon, Olivia's sister.  We used the nice device to destroy all of their holding cells full of potential slayers."  He grinned.  "They're not happy but yay!"  He closed the door and sat down.  He sent a message to the head guy at SWAT too.  Beckett sent back that they'd be back soon.  The other one said he was on maneuvers and would be there in an hour.  Xander got comfortable and pulled out his e-reader.  Peter smiled and checked his email on his phone.

Beckett walked in and tipped her chair up, making Xander get up.  "What did you do?"

"We went and rescued Shannon."

"Good!  Why are you here?"

"Scotland Yard's SWAT team said I have to give General Jack's thing to one of the local SWAT guys."  He grinned.  "We opened the wall into the holding cells for the potential slayers too."

She grimaced.  "How many others?"

"I think twelve but I was jogging past and there was already a social worker there."

"Good!"  The head of SWAT stomped in.  "It came from the warehouse?"

"Yeah, it came from General Jack's part of the warehouse but the Scotland Yard SWAT guys said to hand it to you."  He grinned and handed it over.

The two cops looked it over.  "How do you use it?" Beckett asked.

"It's a hand device," Peter said, taking it to put on and fire at a brick, outside wall.  "That's on low."

Beckett looked at the bubbling paint then at the device.  "What's it like on high?"

"They really need some renovation," Xander admitted with a grin.  "Even when Daniel had it, they *really* need some renovation."

She sighed but nodded.  "Okay, we'll let SWAT hold it while I call the general."  She stared at them.  "Go cuddle the kids."

"Daniel needed some daddy time and the kids needed reminded they can go to him when they're upset," Xander said more quietly.

"I get that."  She patted him on the arm.  "Are you less pissed off?"

"Mostly."  Peter handed over the bag.  "Oh, yeah, the rest of what we brought with us."  He handed it over with a grin.  "I needed silver but I didn't have any.  I really have to repack the response kit."

Beckett let out a quiet moan at what was in there.  "Was this in the warehouse?"  He grinned and nodded.  "Where?"

"It got put on the inventory this month."

"Okay.  That's good.  I need to go do a count later.  What did you use?"  Xander pointed at the used cases.  "Anything not in there?"

"Two or three maybe?"

"Fine.  You two go do an inventory and send it to me."  They nodded and left.  She looked at the other detective.  "Lock that up?"

"Gladly.  I'm just glad we can stand down."  He walked off, tucking that device carefully into his bag on the way down the elevator.  He did not want it to go off on him.

Beckett sat down with a displeased noise and found her contact list.  "General O'Neill, it's Kate Beckett.  Xander found one of your hand thingies and used it to destroy most of the building that had stolen Olivia's sister.  Our SWAT guys have it when you want it back," she told him.  He asked for a description.  "It looked like a hand spider with a hole in the center.  Yeah, that's about it.  I don't know," she admitted.  "I'm making them do an artillery inventory for me because they had to use some.  Thank you."  She hung up and thumped her head on the desk.  "I hope they aren't allowed to reform," she muttered.

"Are they allowed to use it for that purpose?" the new captain asked.

"Against the people who have tried to kill him more than five times, had a huge contract on his head, and who tried to steal his niece?" Kevin Ryan said.  "Yup.  Especially since they found at least twelve other girls they had gotten control of somehow to train in their special ways."

"Turning gifted young women into perfect little soldiers," Esposito said.  "If they hadn't, there's some RAF guys I would've called to handle it for them."  The captain gaped in horror at him.  "They take these girls from their families," he said, leaning back in his desk chair.  "Sometimes legally, sometimes not depending on the family and where in the world they're from.  It's one watcher, one slayer trainee, somewhere.  Training is her only life.

"Kinella was trained by one.  She had three whole outfits to her name so she could change after patrol, and her watcher did her have on patrol before she was given the full slayer gifts.  She's expected to go out there by herself every single night and slay until she dies.  And by the way, she's usually called around fifteen or sixteen."  The captain shuddered.  "I know some RAF guys that wanted to do them in before but couldn't due to politics.  Apparently that's gone now."

"They can't threaten to release something or not handle something anymore," Beckett said, lifting her head.  "With Shannon having been activated already, plus a prophecy, they're seriously trying to take her out and hurt Harris and Shannon's family at the same time.  They hated him so much some of them tried to shoot him on the streets a few years ago."  The captain moaned and went to take something for her new headache and then call the mayor.  She looked at them.  "Bitter much?"

"I found out recently one of my cousins disappeared to them."  He smirked.  "No idea if she made it or not."

"Ask whoever gets into their records," Kevin said.  "They'd probably keep records on that.  Or I hope they would."  He pulled out his phone and texted Xander.  "Yeah, there's a book.  They list each potential and any pertinent facts or what she handled.  Xander said it's magically updated and he took it during that signing trip when they invited him for that chat that included him beating asses."  He looked up.  "Its on the bookshelf in his office."

"I can look at that later."  He grinned.  "Shannon all right?"

"He was giving the daddy time to calm them down so they don't automatically want Xander.  He knew Daniel was getting frustrated with all that," Beckett said.  "Shannon was probably clinging to him though.  Olivia would like to but she's been raised for most of her life by Xander."

"About half," Kevin said.  "She really loves Daniel though."

"She does.  I'm just glad she realized Shannon wasn't around."  She sighed.  "That would've been an even bigger mess if it had went on more than a few hours."  The general beamed in and she smiled.  "Let me get the SWAT guy that has it locked up."

"Please."  He sat down.  "Our British liaison wanted to know how a mystical warehouse stole some of our project.  Fortunately someone there who knew about the one in London told him."  She laughed and nodded.  He looked around, seeing the damage.  "It's not charged?"

"That was on low."

"Excellent.  We could use a fully charged one."  The SWAT detective brought it up.  "Thank you."  He signed the release form with a smile.  "Everyone locally okay?"

"Now."

"The demon council put something out that said they were mourning the loss of anyone innocent who got between Daniel and his daughter over there."

"Me too," Jack agreed.  "But if it had been my daughter, I wouldn't have stopped with someone left alive."  He stood up.  "Let me get back to the base.  Anything else in the warehouse I should hear about?"

"They're doing an inventory of the apocalypse vault while Daniel does daddy duty," she said with a smile.

"Excellent."  He disappeared.  He held it up then looked at it and tested it against a wall, watching it crumble.  "Half charged," he decided.  Sam Carter took it from him and went to charge it.  "It got used in England."

"I heard.  Our liaison is moaning in misery that no one had stopped them after the last time."

***

Daniel looked up as someone appeared.  "D'Hoffryn."

He nodded back.  "They were going to test her," he said quietly.

"She was in a room."

"There was a vampire waiting, Daniel.  They were going to do the same thing they did to Buffy upon her maturity birthday."

Daniel nodded once.  "Then it's a great thing they're mostly dead, huh?"

"Yes, it is."  He smiled.  "I wanted to warn Harris."

"He's doing an artillery inventory while I do daddy stuff."

"Wonderful."  He stared at the staring child.  "I'm D'Hoffryn.  I'm over wish demons, Shannon."  She waved weakly, still staring at him.  "I am not a bad sort.  I help people who have been badly hurt and need to make a wish."

"He's like Jacob," Olivia told her with a grin for him.  "He helped us get Daddy and you guys home."

Shannon grinned and waved, putting her head down again.

"She's an excellent girl, Daniel.  Some day she'll be the brightest star."  He winked at Olivia.  "You'll have a totally different field to dominate."

"Oooh, like the spanking people that I caught Uncle Dean watching?"

Daniel cleared his throat.  "Want grounded again for that?"

"No," she said, looking pitiful.  "Sorry?"

"No more of that."

"Yes, Daddy."  She put her head down too and cuddled Brad.

D'Hoffryn smiled.  "They're sweet children."

"You want me to do what the Council lady suggested?"

"That's one solution and the best liked unless you can get the baby from Willow."  He shrugged.  "That's up to you two.  You're the father and I'm fairly certain that even if the kids lost it totally and went after everyone, Xander and you would step in and stop them.  Some of them haven't figured that part out yet however."

Daniel grinned.  "I would, yeah.  He really needs to be a Da to his own hoard."

"He's still infertile.  Beyond that, Peter could give him some if he wanted."  D'Hoffryn disappeared with a hand wave.

Daniel looked at Olivia.  "We'll have to talk to Uncle Peter about having some kids for you to play with and teach."

She grinned.  "After Auntie Tara does?"

"Definitely."  She wiggled and kissed him on the cheek then got up and grabbed a book then came racing back to read to her siblings.  She loved reading to them.

Daniel picked another book.  "I don't need that one stuck in my head today."  She smirked and settled in to read it with his help.  Shannon and Brad loved storytime. It helped them get smarter.

***

Xander came in that night with dinner, handing Daniel the bag and kissing each of the kids on the head.  "How was your afternoon?"

"It went well.  They calmed down and snuggled in all day," Daniel said with a grin for him.  "Thanks."

"I know you're the daddy, Daniel.  That's a special bond I'll never have as their uncle."  He gave him a hug and a pat on the back.  "That's bread and stuff."

"That should go well with the cheesy veg I made."  Olivia got up and snoopy danced.  Daniel smiled while Peter took film from his phone.  "That's so adorable."  Xander beamed at him.  "Thanks."

"Not a problem, man.  You know that."  He looked down at the feeling of little arms on his thigh.  "Hi, Shannon.  How are you doing now?"  He picked her up with a groan.  "Someone fed you rocks for lunch."

She laughed and hugged him around the neck.  Brad came toddling over to help.  "Great job," Peter praised, patting him on the head.  Brad beamed at them.

"Very good job, son," Daniel agreed, handing him some broccoli to gnaw on.

Olivia beamed.  "We worked really hard on that this week at daycare."

"You did good helping him," Daniel praised.

Xander grinned. "That's very helpful.  Soon they'll be too big for the stroller."

"Oooh, that'll make shopping harder.  Am I supposed to be doing something this week?"

Xander looked in his phone.  "Donating to the Mayor's thing this weekend.  So you'll need to be dressed up and we need to pick out what you're giving them."

"Mine?"

"No, new stuff.  We give the bell people the toys we separate out and the clothes."  She nodded with a grin.  "You're growing anyway so a lot can go to them this time if they won't fit Shannon or Brad."

"I can't see him in a pretty frock," Daniel teased.

"T-shirts are universal," Xander quipped.

"Good point.  Why is she doing that?"

"Her twitter people got her notice for donating."

"Ah.  I still don't like that."

"The guy who runs it is absolutely sure she's never going to have a problem from it."  He smirked.

"I would hate to beat him," Peter agreed.

Olivia twirled and pounced him.  "When are you going to give me siblings and Uncle Xander real babies?"

"Not for a few years yet," he said patiently.  "Why?"

"I need more siblings than Auntie Tara's.  I need them before I'm too old to play with them."

"I'm sure we'll work it out," he promised with a wink.  She grinned and danced over to Xander to hug him too.  "Perhaps dance class?"

"None for her age group right now and she's got funky rhythm," Xander said.  "Unless she wants to try an African dance class."

She blinked a few times.  "Is that fun?"

"You can try it Monday afternoon, after daycare, and see."

"Okay."  She looked at her dad, who nodded that was fine.  She beamed at him.  "Since Grandma was so mean and stole you, can we steal her ponies?"

"We have nowhere to put them, dear," Daniel said patiently.

"There's places in park," she countered with a grin.  "They can teach us how to ride too."

"When you're old enough to take care of one yourself, and that includes going to clean out the stalls every day, we'll talk about ponies," Xander said.  She sighed but nodded.  "Who told you about park ponies?"

"Auntie Martha."

"Huh.  You're a bit too young."

"I doubt we'll be having a farm anytime soon," Daniel complained lightly.

"Riding lessons," Xander countered.

"Good point.  Could be nice too.  I learned by falling off ours."

"Alexis said it's a good thing.  It helps your posture, teaches you responsibility, and gets you into the fresh air.  Depending on what high school she goes to it might even be an elective."

Daniel stared at him.  "She doesn't need to hang with that sort."

"It'll get her into college faster."

"I'd rather she went to a real person school, not one of those colleges."

Xander waved a hand.  "I'm still paying for her PhD and real people go to Harvard and Yale all the time."  He grinned.  "Harvard even admitted a woman who was homeless a few years back, who graduated with a nearly perfect GPA."

"Still," Daniel complained.

Xander stared at him.  "I'd do anything to make sure these kids have a good, healthy start on life with all the benefits they can hold so they're not one of the faceless masses that ends up struggling for every penny for the rest of their lives," Xander said quietly.  "They already have their shared educational fund."  He walked off.

Peter shook his head.  "He means the best for them," he told the scowling father.  "Is a lot harder to get a good job with degree from mediocre college."

"Perhaps but she's got to work for that."

"She'll have to work at a better school, and do more of it," Xander promised with a smirk at him.  "Alexis said that Yale kids, she knows one since they just started, do a lot more work than her boyfriend at Stanford or the one that went to NYU.  Plus, hey, smaller town means safer campus."

Daniel rolled his eyes.  "We'll let her make that decision when she's old enough to know what she wants to be when she grows up."

"Tara's trying to get her into a history track," Peter said with a smile.

"Books, yuck," Daniel muttered, shaking his head.  "Lots and lots of dusty books for life."

"Hey," Olivia scowled at him, hands going back to her hips and one foot tapping.  "I love books!"

"These are the dusty sort that no one else reads," Daniel told her.

Xander looked back over at her.  "That's like those guys on History Channel that talk about ancient alien astronauts."  Peter went to the bathroom snickering most of the walk there.

"Why?" Daniel asked, looking confused.

"They think all the advances we made were and the mythological creatures were created by them.  They totally discount demon history and species."  He shrugged.  "I've mailed one a copy of a history book that the Council had and told him where the original was from.  I got back a nice letter saying demons weren't real so I nicely pointed out they were, hadn't he seen the invasion?  Strangely enough, no one's heard from him recently."

Daniel shook his head.  "All those sort of people need to find reality a lot in my opinion.  They're all too taken by the books and not enough with life."

"Some people live for the books," Xander quipped.  "Like Wes."

"Wes is a lot of fun when you finally get him to the pub and make him drink," Daniel admitted, considering it.  "Though he tends to burst out in Latin babble at times when he's making a point with his beers.  Scared the crap out of a few at my last bar."

"I did that on the signing trip because John totally let me have the wine list to myself in Germany," Xander said with a sigh at the end.  "Then Rodney realized I hardly ever drink and got us out of public view before I kept babbling in Latin and one of the demon languages."

Peter came out and walked behind Xander, kissing him on the head.  "I saw that when I went looking online.  You were adorable babbling about curly hair and belly buttons."  Xander grinned.  He picked up Olivia to break her scowling at her father.  "Feed the cats and then do litterboxes?"

She nodded but sighed.  "If I must."

"Yes, you must.  Is your turn and grounded means chores."

"Fine."  She got put down and fed the cats then went to find all the litter boxes to clean them.  Her father came to help her and Shannon followed.  She loved to play with the cats.  Xander grinned at Peter for that.  "We're having ice cream."

"If you're certain," Daniel snorted.  "I'm not, spoiled."

She pouted.  "We deserve it.  It's been a hard day for Shannon.  She had to get rescued.  So did you."  She patted him on the hand.  "Don't let them call you a princess, Daddy.  You didn't get to wear the pointy hat when they rescued you."  She bounced off to clean the litterbox in Dean's bedroom first.  It was a bit messy thanks to his kitty wife.  She only used that one and ran everyone else out of it.

Daniel shook his head.  "Who said that?"

"One of the other kids when I said you had to be rescued.  He asked if you were a princess."

"I'm not," Daniel said firmly.

She grinned.  "You need the hat and pretty titties."

"Where did you learn that!" he demanded.

"Ummmmmm....  Tara's last girlfriend?"

Xander walked behind them.  "Quit calling breasts anything but that," he said patiently.  "No matter what Tara's last girlfriend called hers."

"Fine."

Daniel glared at him.  Xander shrugged.  "She was talking about having hers expanded.  We broke her of most of that, though now and then boobies will show up in talks about pretty dresses."

"The tv show with all the pretty dresses say that it needs to flatter your figure and that's part of a girl's figure," she defended.  "Though Dean needs to hurry up and find a human wife to go with the kitty wife.  Before his get too saggy.  He's getting old."

"I so dare you to tell him that," Xander said, walking off giggling.

"I think not," Daniel complained.

John came rushing up the stairs and hugged Shannon.  "I'm so glad you're all right," he said, nuzzling her ear.  She gave him a shy grin and put her head down on his shoulder.  "She need anything medical wise?"

"Some new bruise stuff in a few hours," Xander said.

"I'll kill them if there's any left," John said, giving her a squeeze.  "How's Brad?"

"Few fairy bites," Xander said.  "They had one captured and poisoned.  Once they got the thing that was driving her to blood lust off, she went to throw up in a corner from it."

"That's good."  He looked at Daniel.  "Did you leave any for me to kick around?"

"Not many and the cops over there may have 'em," he said with a smile for Shannon.  "They wanted to help a whole lot."

"I would too."  He looked at Olivia, who looked devious.  "What?  I know that look, young lady."

"Dean needs to find a people wife to go with the kitty wife soon.  He's getting old."

"Was he talking about his butt being pretty enough for a girl again?" John asked dryly.  Daniel's mouth flopped open and he moaned, shaking his head.  "Him and Sammy picking on each other again," John sighed.  "I would've been here sooner but we were pretty far upstate.  We need to move closer."

Xander patted him on the arm.  "It won't be happening again.  They don't have much of a building to meet in anymore."  John snickered and punched him on the arm.

"Hey!" Shannon complained, putting the arm back around her.  "Hug, not hit."

"Sure, you need more hugs, Princess."  Olivia beamed at him.  "Thank you for doing that since apparently Dean didn't.  You can tell him to pay you his allowance since he's falling down on his chores."

"Okay."  She beamed at her daddy.  "Can we go to store with it?"

"We'll see.  Maybe a movie?"

She pouted.  "Books last longer."  Daniel sighed but walked off rolling his eyes.

"There's a new Muppet movie on Pay-Per-View," Xander called.

"Oooh, Muppets," Olivia said, staring at him.  He pointed and she got back to work.

Xander followed Daniel, looking at him since he was sulking on the couch.  "She's agreed to the new Muppet one."

"Sometimes it's like there's a whole family here without me," he muttered.

"There kinda is but that's why I leave you with the kids all the time, so they can get used to having you as the daddy again."  Daniel stared at him.  "Being a daddy somewhere that's a cave is a lot different than being a daddy around people."

"Yeah, it is."

"Which is why I give you so much time alone with them.  So they get used to you being a daddy in the modern world.  Even if I do nudge now and then."  He stared at him.  "You know, some of this is you acclimating again as well," he said quietly.  Daniel stared at him.  "Maybe some talking would help?  I know that the kids are working with a behavioral therapist and she might help there too, or know someone who can.  Whenever I need to talk, I go talk to Alexis.  I don't think she's great enough yet to handle this though."

"Maybe," he admitted.  "You've done a great job with them."

Xander grinned. "I'm still doing a great job fussing over all four of you, Daniel."

"True," he admitted with a grin.  "They don't need a trust fund."

"Tough shit."  He smirked.  "My money, my decision and they've had the educational trust set up since before I got Olivia.  I just added to it when she came to me.  When the other two came back, they got added to it.  There's enough in there now for all three to hit college and go through at least a bachelor's, including a good private school.  There's no way you want them in a public school.  They'll be lost and they need the encouragement of a decent school.  That's what I like about Olivia's."

"I liked it too.  Will they...."  He picked up Brad when he walked past.

"Yeah.  They said they'd test them when it's time and if not, they'll give us goals to reach.  They know all about what your little heathens went through.  If we have to, they can start a year late and we'll home school."

"Maybe," he agreed.  "I'd like to see them up to standards."

"Daniel, did you realize it's only been four months?  Both of them are walking, when Brad could barely crawl and Shannon was only crawling.  Shannon was speaking earlier when she didn't when you guys got back.  Brad's babbled a lot too when he wasn't verbal before.  They've already done a hell of a job of catching up and they'll finish catching up soon.  Hopefully by school but if not, probably by the next year."

Daniel nodded, cuddling his son.  "That's a good point.  They've done a great job."  Xander grinned.  "Maybe I'll start talking to Father Morgan about all this stress."

"I'm sure he'd like to hear from this family for something other than demons."  Daniel grinned and nodded.  "Now, about their educational fund.  It's set up through my finance guy and he's been paying the copays for their treatments too."

"That's a good help since their insurance would only cover part."  He looked over as John and Shannon came down.  "Olivia still scooping?"

"She's doing the last one now," John said.  "We need the automatic ones."

"The ones with the rake get stuck a lot," Xander said.  "There's a good one that's supposed to be great but it's like three-fifty."

"Three-hundred-fifty dollars?" John demanded.

"Yeah but it's supposed to be marvelous.  I've been trying to talk myself out of buying one for each room."

John shook his head.  "That's insane."  He went to check on dinner, getting Shannon the asked for strawberries.  She beamed and settled down in his lap to nibble and stare at the books on the table.  One was an 'Olivia'd' one.  She floated it over with a beaming smile at it and opened it so it read to her.

Daniel blinked a few times.  "When did you learn to levitate?"

"Remember Olivia doing it at four months when her mom put down the bottle to answer the phone?" Xander quipped.

"Yeah, I do," he admitted.  Dean and Sam came off the elevator and Dean stole Shannon to cuddle.  "Morning."

"Dude, next time give us enough time to get there," Sam ordered.   "We wanted to kick watcher ass too."  He stole Shannon to hug.

Dean took Brad.  Beckett had him go handle the demon council with Sammy while Xander and Peter destroyed parts of England.  "You got booboos?" he asked.  Brad pouted and nodded, pointing at his sister's strawberries.  "Shannon, can Brad have a few of your strawberries?"  She pouted at her brother, who pouted back.

"I hid some in the freezer," Olivia called.  "They might be mooshy but they're still good."

Xander went to look, pulling out the bag of frozen berries to thaw in the microwave.  Peter was snickering quietly again.  "At least the kids all eat healthy stuff."  He handed over the thawed berries.  Brad squealed and dove down to get them.  Dean put him down.  Shannon shared her berries for some of his and it was good.  Olivia came down to get her own, grinning at her father.  "I taught them very well."

"You sure did, Princess."

"Daddy, I don't have the pointy hat and no one has to rescue me," she said dryly.  "I'm not a princess."  Dean walked off shaking his head and cackling.  Peter nudged her and pointed at Dean.  "Oh, yeah, and we think you need a human wife to go with the kitty wife before your boobies sag too much from age, Uncle Dean."

Dean looked at her.  "Boys don't have boobies, Olivia, and I'm not that old."

She came over to untuck his shirt, no matter how much he tried to stop her.  "You have nipples like a girl, therefore you have boobies."  She walked off to eat her own treat.  Daniel was staring in horrified awe of his daughter.

"And that's why she has the twitter people who know she's smart and pretty," Xander quipped, texting that video to her feed.  They'd adore that.

"Jesus," Dean muttered, tucking his shirt back in.  "I'm still not that old, Olivia."

She looked at him.  "You're getting ancient.  You're over twenty-five."

"It's not Logan's Run.  We don't die at twenty-five."

"If he's ancient, what's Grandpa John?" Peter asked.

"Really, really ancient?"  She patted her grandfather's hand.  "But that's okay because you survived this long and did a good daddy job so now you're in grandpa range."

He patted her on the head.  "Some day you'll be my age and feel really young."

She shrugged.  "By then I'll be weird in my old age, like you guys are."  She ate another berry.

"I remember being so certain that you were so ancient," Sam said with a smirk for his father.  "That's why you kept trying to blame 70's sins on an 80's kid."

John nodded.  "I'm very impressed I never had to rush you two to the ER for drugs."

"I did," Dean said, glaring at Sam.

"It was not my fault she slipped me that.  I had no idea you could do...  Never mind, not in front of the kids."

"Back during the road trip I don't like to remember, I had a young girl I fancied who had a thing for spray LSD," Xander quipped, looking at Peter.  "And fun while giving head."

Peter nodded.  "I have seen that used before.  Was probably very disconcerting."

Xander nodded.  "Kinda, yeah.  Especially with how we woke up.  Or the one a few years back that Dean and Faith tried to save me from."

"Don't remind me, dude.  Please!" Dean ordered.  Daniel looked at him then at Xander.  "He so picked up a psycho at the club.  By the time he got himself free, because we lost him, he was in soldier mode and didn't remember handling a blood hunter or a minor apocalypse attempt."

"I'm pretty sure I walked in calling all Vice detectives crackheads because she had made them smoke some," Xander admitted.  "I remember being real confused about why I had a grenade pin on me but not my house keys.  All I really remember about her was that she was fun.  That was right before you two got jumped and your legs broken."

"I should see if Cash wants introduced to her," Peter quipped.  Xander looked at him.  "Is good to pick on friends sometimes."

"Anya said you torture the ones you love," he quipped back with an evil grin.

"Let's not bring Sister Rosemary, the wicked minded nun of Spain, into this one," John said dryly.  Xander and Sam both gave him confused looks.  "A young woman asked Anya for advice for her upcoming marriage.  She told her everything she had liked with you.  Her Reverend Mother told Father Morgan."

"Maybe if Anya decides to rejoin secular life, we can set her and Lorne up," Xander offered to Peter.

Peter grinned.  "I think they might get along well.  It might help Chipper One get off the fence before it implants."

"Maybe," Xander agreed.  "Though it's cute how she tries very hard not to stare at him."

Peter nodded.  "Is, yes."

"I'm so glad I never had to have that sort of talk," Daniel sighed, shaking his head.

Olivia grinned at him.  "Mommy thought you were hot."

"I'd hope so," he teased back with a grin.  She beamed and dug back into her berries.  "There's still dinner in an hour."  She shrugged.

Shannon looked at him.  "Veggies?"

"With cheese," he agreed, smiling at her.  She beamed at Brad, who wiggled and then got up to dance.

Xander grinned.  "Yes!  And another one is taught the right ways!"  He got up and they Snoopy Danced together.  Olivia hopped up to help and so did Shannon.  Peter took film.  That was too adorable to miss.

Daniel stared at them then at John.  "Is it a disease?"  Xander swatted him on the head.  "Hey!"

"You need to remember fun before I find one of my former dates to set you up with," Xander said with a smug look.

Peter stood up after texting that to the Twitter feed, walking Xander off.  "We will cure nasty mental disease, Xander.  Before they try to kidnap him and Olivia has to rescue him next time."  He took them up to their room and locked them in.

John shook his head.  "That is a bad thought."

"Then he'd have to wear the pointy hat," Olivia said.  "And the pretty dress, plus have the hair and the shoes."  She got back to her berries.  "Then we'd really need ponies for knights to ride in on."

"Nah, today's knight's drive cool cars," Dean said with a wink.

"Can we wash the 'Pally?" she asked, beaming at him.  "Tonight?"

"Tomorrow.  It's supposed to be warm so we can even wax her."  She beamed and nodded.  Shannon stole her berries.  "Hey," Dean said, handing them back.  "Eat your own, Shannon."  She dug in again.

"If it lasts through you two, maybe she'll inherit it instead of your kids since I don't seem to foresee any grandchildren," John quipped.

Dean smirked.  "I've actually found a chick I can date, unlike Sammy.  I swear he's having library sex."

"Well, actually, I'm dating someone prelaw," he said with a smile. John gaped.  Daniel stared.  He smirked.  "She's very nice.  A bit mean but very nice.  Wants to be a prosecutor and then maybe a judge."  He went to get himself an apple.

"Toss me one," Dean ordered.  Sam did and he shined it on his shirt.  "Was that bun woman, the one I caught you with the other day?"  Sam nodded.  "Serious, tight bun, Dad.  Gray tweed suit, flat shoes, ugly briefcase.  Looks like you'd need WD

40 to part her thighs because they're squeaky at the knees and ankles."

"Actually, that was just for a class.  She's working as a go-go dancer to put herself through school," Sam said with a grin.  John gaped, looking horrified.  "The redhead, Dad."

"I saw her.  A bit too much of her actually."

Dean nodded.  "She was hot and she needs to let some of that tightness go in the formal stuff."  He ate a bite of his apple and walked off shaking his head.  "Mine does hair."

"I noticed the haircut," John admitted.  He shook his head.  "Maybe I don't want grandchildren after all."

Daniel shut his mouth and glared at Dean.  "Don't talk about sex around the kids."

"Sorry, Daniel."

"Thank you."  He looked at Sam.  "Hillary?"  Sam grinned and nodded.  "She's a bit wild."

"Yeah, but I need the fun."  He walked off to take his laptop outside.  Brad ran after him, clutching his bowl of berries to his chest.  "Hey, little man.  Want to help me check my email?"  Brad nodded and climbed up with Sam, who covered their laps with a throw.  Brad nibbled his berries while Sam explained email to him.

"That's gotta come from his Ma," Daniel muttered, shaking his head.  He stole one of Shannon's berries, getting a scowl.  "I can share," he said, smiling at her.

"Mine!  Eat!" she said, pointing at her big sister.  Olivia loved to share.

"Sure, I'll share with her."  Olivia handed him one with a grin and then finished up, taking her bowl into the sink.  "Good job, thank you, Olivia."

"That way we don't have to move them later for Muppets."

"It's always a good idea anyway," John said, giving her a hug.  She grinned at him.  "Get me a hard book."  She ran to get one of the ones from the library.  John settled in to read to her about dirty minded half-elves, though he did tone it down some.  It figured Xander had written dwarf jokes.

Daniel sighed, shaking his head.  "I remember reading that second one as he wrote it."

"I like this one better than the hunter ones," John said.  "There's still hunters throwing fits about those."  He went back to reading.  Shannon was listening too, pouting a little bit.  "There's no pictures, Shannon.  This one only has words."  She sighed but finished her berries.  Daniel took her bowl for her.  He went to get Brad's too before it got broken.  By the time he made it back to the couch, Shannon was in John's lap and snuggled in while he read.  That was a good thing for his heathen spawn.

***

Shannon walked up behind the shopping auntie that was helping Olivia find them pretty clothes, pointing and grunting at something.  Martha looked then shook her head with a sigh.  "Yes, that's a bad guy.  You stay with me," she ordered.  She took their hands in one of hers and used the other to dig for her phone.  The guy was looking around wildly so she took a picture of him and then a tag, sending them to her son.  She barely got her phone up before he stomped over.  "These are my friend's children.  He will kill you for bringing a gun near them."

The guy sneered.  "I bet."

Olivia looked up at him.  "I'm Olivia Rosenburg."  The man sneered.  "Is he a bad guy, Auntie Martha?"

"Yes, dear, he is, and no you may not change him into anything."

"Shoot.  That sucks."

The man sneered at her.  "Magic doesn't exist."

She stared back and suddenly his gun turned into flowers.  "Really?  Tell that to my mommy.  I get mine from her."  She smiled.  He gasped and tried to grab her.  "My uncle is Alexian Harris!"  He stepped back, shaking his head.  "Uh-huh, and he's going to kick your butt!  There's no hurting Olivia, Shannon, or any aunties or else Uncle Xander is going to kill everyone!"  He turned and moved.  There was an officer there.  "Hi, Officer."  She picked up the flowers and changed them back.  "It may not work.  Sometimes that happens when I change things back."

"Sure, that's fine, Miss Rosenburg.  Thank you, dear.  Is that your sister?"

She beamed and nodded.  "That's my sister Shannon."

"She's very pretty."  He smiled and walked the guy off.  "Thank you, Rick Castle's mom."

"Welcome and thank you for handling him."  She looked down at Olivia.  "How does he know that?"

"Uncle Xander knows lots of people.  He plays kitty poker with them."

"Good point.  How did the officer know you?"

She shrugged.  "I don't know but lots do."  She smiled.  "It's nice they're so polite and smart."

"Yes, it is."  She got them the rest of their fall clothes and took them home, looking at Xander since he was writing on the couch.  "Xander, how did the wannabe robber know her?  Or the officers?"

"Kitten poker and most everyone knows that Olivia is like Tara," he said absently while he typed.  Shannon climbed into his lap, showing him her favorite shirt.  "Fishes!  That's so cool, Shannon."  He gave her a hug.  "Very pretty."  She beamed.  "Help Olivia put them up."  The girls ran up the stairs and he looked at her.  "Most everyone in the NYPD knows to call on us for huge demon problems," he reminded her.  "Almost all of them know I have a niece named Olivia, who is a lot like her Auntie Tara.  Especially after a few former coworkers of Peter's tried to grab those two at the zoo one day and they ended up being very pretty iguanas."

"Then how did he know who I was?"

"Rick's been a best selling author for how many years?"

"Good point."  She shook her head and handed over the receipts and the rest of the money.  "Am I taking Brad?"

"Daddy wanted to take him but he had no idea about girl clothes.  Plus he wanted a more female mom approach than I can give sometimes."  He grinned.  "I'll never be a girly girl."

"No, hopefully you won't," she agreed, patting him on the head.  She left, going to have a glass of wine.  Rick was at home waiting, making some coffee.  "Thank you for sending someone."

"Welcome, Mother.  You all right?"

"The officer knew me as your mother.  He knew Olivia.  The thief knew Olivia's uncle."

He grinned.  "Yeah, even the scary people don't want to screw with Xander.  They think one of his psycho dates will come back sometime."  He smirked on his way to his office to get something done.

She poured herself a glass of wine and sat down to rest.  It had been a long morning.  Shannon had no idea how to match colors and only wanted things with graphics or patterns.  Olivia loved anything pink and purple at the moment.  She said it went very well with all the dark stuff in her closets.  But at least they had good clothes in their size.  Including for a picture Daniel wanted to have done.

***

Daniel came home looking confused.  "One of the officers stopped me to make sure Olivia and Shannon were fine?"

"There was someone trying to rob a store while they were there," Peter said.  "Olivia stated her name and changed his gun to flowers.  Then scared the crap out of him by telling him her Uncle Xander was going to beat him.  I really do have to work on my own scary reputation so they know I will do the same."

Daniel shook his head quickly.  "Whatever.  I got the mail too."  He handed it over.

Peter looked through it, opening the one from the Treasury.  He called his lawyer and read it to him.  They'd get that solved.  His lawyer said that the judges were wondering about the probates and them not showing up but he understood that they didn't want anything.  Unfortunately no one else had challenged most of them.  Peter huffed and said whatever happened would.  The lawyer promised to call the financial guy.  Peter hung up and went back to Judge Judy since he was stuck on a plot point.

***

Xander walked into the Treasury office, signing in.  He got taken back to an office a few minutes later.  "Has it escaped your notice that I do actually have a job and a lot of my money comes from that?"  The agent gaped.  Xander stared at him.  "I'm a well paid author.  I make a crapload of my money from that, not from former dates dying off thanks to demon plots."

The agent groaned and took his ID to get into his file.  "We have no listing of a job for you, Mr. Harris."

"Look under Alexian Harris."  He did and winced.  "That's my penname."

"Oh, I see."  He looked up.  "Most change it."

"I don't want to.  And I don't want to keep being harassed by you guys.  It's not my fault they got fixated.  It's theirs, and in a few cases a vengeance demon's.  I protest all that shit."

"Please don't swear."

"This is the sixth time I've been up here over this shit this year.  Tough."  He stared at him.  "You can please tell whatever demon cocksucker that's having his hair yanked to quit.  I do not need this.  We're prepping for a battle in Russia right now."  The guy shrank down some.  "Now, would you mind terribly fixing it?"

"Um...  We need paperwork from the courts?" he said.  "And proof that that's you?"

Xander called Paula and put her on speaker.  "This is my publisher, Paula.  Paula, this is a Treasury agent who doesn't understand why I don't change my name to my pen name."

"He only uses a pen name because of his parents," Paula said.  "They're greedy alcoholic sorts.  Who, by the way, Xander, sent another threat."

"Mother, Father, or Uncle?"

"Uncle."

"Screw 'im, he can go back to prison."

"I've already alerted Probation out there for you."

"Thanks."  He looked at the agent.  "Do you need more than my agent's agreement?"

"We need it notarized and in writing."

"Fax number," Paula said.  He repeated it.  She sent it through.  The secretary brought it to him less than a minute later.  "Anything else you need from him?"

"Um, we need paperwork from the courts?"

Xander looked at him then shook his head.  "Why?  I'm protesting being included, not asking for more."

"Oh, that's not what it says," he said weakly.  "Supervisor Griffins?" he called.  He came strolling in.  "We've really messed up this file."

"Again," Xander said dryly.

"Let me get back to my meeting, Xander. And script?"

"Bite me and it's been in your email for three weeks?" he guessed.  "Along with two other things?"

"Oh, that's wonderful.  It's down but I'll try to get into it later.  Calm down, dear."

"No.  We need to go to Russia soon for a battle."  He hung up.  Then he looked at the Treasury agents, who were giving him odd looks.  Xander smirked as he pulled out his old Sunnydale ID card.  They shuddered.  "I have a battle coming up.  I don't have the time, the patience, or the energy to keep coming down here over the same things.  This makes six damn times this year.  Can't we finally fix this shit since you guys promised to the first time?  Because I'm still not removing that suit until you fix it."

"Some good faith," the supervisor said.

Xander snickered. "Not a chance in hell.  I dated a few too many agents in my life."  He stared at him.  "You have all the paperwork you should ever need.  You had it back during the first one and you said you'd fix it.  And then you didn't.  The only thing I'm doing is upping the amount of the emotional stress damages until it's fixed."

"The government doesn't really work that way."

"No, if the government worked, I wouldn't have had to come back here more than once to get it fixed.  Apparently the government isn't working because of the demon cocksuckers in charge."  A demon appeared scowling at him.  "You still owe me kittens.  And if you're over this mess, I'm destroying your whole fucking clan."

"I was going to offer to fix it."

Xander stared at him.  "We have a battle coming up in Russia in two weeks."

"Oh, shit, I heard," he muttered.  "I thought it was fixed, Xander, and did you get the nice wedding present?"

"No.  To either."

"Ooh.  Huh.  I'll check on that and get with Peter later?"

"Sure.  He's presently stuck on a plot point.  I have three things I need to get done and to make sure we have everything we need over there."

"Please do," he agreed.  "Kinella will look very nice in the furs."

Xander looked at him then shrugged.  "Peter said it won't be that cold yet."

"Huh," he said weakly.  "I forgot Peter is Russian."

"Former KGB," Xander said with a grin.  "I'm so proud of my man and his many accomplishments.  Including how he witnessed and helped some major events in history."  The demon winced and nodded, going to talk to the others.  His clan was bothering Harris and it wasn't a good idea.  Xander looked up.  "Those poker debts need to be paid before the battle please."  He looked at the stunned agents, smirking a bit.  "Kitten poker."  He grinned.

"We'll see where the snafu is, Mr. Harris."

"Thank you."  He shook their hands and left.  He ran into someone from Homeland downstairs. "I only threatened the demon holding someone in thrall," he said when the guy glared at him.  "Mostly because I don't want to be fucked with any more, especially not in front of an apocalypse battle."

"Here?" he asked, wincing some.

"Russia."

He winced harder.  "That's going to be a nightmare.  Does the State Department know, sir?"

"Probably?"  He shrugged.  "I talked to my usual Homeland contact.  I like him, he arrested a lot of my former dates with Detective Beckett."

"I can fully understand that, yes."  He watched Xander walk off and called his boss.  Who had already heard about the demon problem in the Treasury, the upcoming battle, and was working on an ulcer because of all this.  He went to tell a buddy in the State Department that he played poker with.  That way they could handle things.

***

The head of Homeland Security showed up in New York to look at Agent Philips.  "Harris is not allowed to go to Russia.  They might want to keep him."

"I'm pretty sure his husband can keep his former coworkers off him, sir."

"Still."

"It's an apocalypse battle.  They've agreed to even let them fly in with weapons."  His boss sighed.  "Beyond that, the KGB guys aren't stupid.  Peter is a badass from the old school.  They've seen the movie _Red_ I'm fairly certain."  His boss cracked a smile.  "The only problem Harris is having is the Treasury.  Again.  This time he's vowed to take out the demon clan that's pissing him off to free the agents in thrall or who they were using as sexual aides."

"I'd like to see all of those sort gone anyway," he agreed.  "We still can't risk it."

"No one knows anything beyond a few years ago some demons tried to give him a demon plague to take out a good portion of humanity.  That was in the press at the time and got locked down fairly quickly.  Not even the most fanatical want a demon virus."

"True.  I heard one of the terrorist groups decided that using it would make them unholy."  He rubbed his eyebrow.  "Can't someone else go?"

"No.  It's going to take artillery and swords, not guns, so no Winchesters."

"Crap."

"Peter and I made arrangements through his former supervisors about how to help them do it faster.  Their former SG troops are going to back them up."

"They had a gate?"

"Yes and had problems so had to shut it down."

"Interesting to know."  He considered it.  "I'd rather they have some of our guards."

"Get some guys who can use swords ready for an apocalypse, sir.  I'm sure Xander would love more backup.  He's having nightmares about his debit card working over there when he's doing the tourist thing as he put it, but otherwise he's got that resigned 'it's another battle' thing going on."

"I don't know many who know how to use a sword or any other bladed weapon," the director admitted, going to take over his top minion's office to see if anyone had anything noted in their profiles.  "Huh, one of the guys that Peter tried to kill a few times."  He called him to talk to him about what help they'd need in Russia.  Peter surely had plans by now.

***

Lorne Cash got called back to ECHO on his day off, which made him one unhappy boy.  "It's the last nice golf day of the year," he complained.

"The president wanted you," Micah Simms, his boss, said with a smirk.

"That's a bad look.  There's not a debutante involved, right?"

"Nope."

"Crap."  He called him on the system.  "Sir, you wanted to see me and couldn't drop by the bar?"

"Yes, Mr. Cash, I did," he said.  "Because apparently there's going to be a short apocalypse battle in Russia."

"Shank was complaining about sword lessons recently."

"I'm told your profile states you know how to use one?"

"It's been years."  This was looking bad.  "Frankly, sir, I'm not in the best shape for a real battle.  Field work shape takes less work to upkeep than battle shape."

"You have two weeks, Cash.  You're going to watch over the artillery they'll be bringing."  Lorne moaned, shaking his head.  "Plus making sure that none of Shank's coworkers have any designs on his husband's blood.  I have to say, I nearly puked after being briefed on why this was an issue by General O'Neill."

"I don't know all myself but I know they told Peter," Lorne admitted.  "I'm sure they'll be fine."

"Not the point."

"Damn."

"Sorry, but tough.  Suck it up, son."  He hung up.

Micah looked at him.  "Better you than me."

"Yay," he said blandly.  "Let me get in that round of golf with the other retired spies and we'll talk about the battle.  Maybe we can short circuit it."

"Not likely.  Harris has been trying.  Something about royal hell gods who want to move here."

"Yay," Lorne said coolly.  "Do we have any contacts over there?"

"Your brother said they're nuts.  There's all sorts of panic from the Russian mob.  Some of them found religion and cut their profits to get people out of harm's way and to ship in better stolen weapons."

"That's a bad sign."  He walked off shaking his head.  Max smiled at him.  "Do you know how to use any sort of lesser weapon?"

"No, and I'm told Caroline Kitrich is going with you."

"That's fine.  She's a weapons genius."  He walked off with a sigh of discontent.  He really hated Peter sometimes.  It was almost worth letting Peter kill him at the moment.  He joined the golf party, who were looking curiously upset with him being late.  "The president said I'm going with Peter and Harris to Russia for the apocalypse battle."  They patted him on the back in sympathy and took him to knock some balls around.  Then they'd help him pick out what to bring with him.

***

Xander and Peter walked into the station and up to Beckett's floor, waving at her.  "I'm told we're having a meeting?"

"Yup," she agreed with a point.  They followed her into the meeting room.

"Cash," Peter said with a nod.  He looked at the other agent.

"Peter, this is Caroline Kitrich."

"I have heard of you."  He shook her hand.  "She is weapons person like you are but formally trained to do what you tinker with," he told his husband.

"Wonderful!  Three of the bigger things we need to bring with us need fixed as I discovered earlier."  He sat down.  "Here's our plans," he said, putting them on the table.  "Peter rented the plane so they wouldn't have any problems on his end."

They looked it over and added to the manifest of what should go.  Cash had information on the group backing them up over there.  Caroline could fix the weapons and do a last minute check of them.  She also spoke Russian.  So that was handy.  She asked Xander a question in Russian and he answered without thinking first, which made Beckett blush at the dirty answer he shot back.

"His vocabulary is limited but growing," Peter quipped, smiling at Xander.

"All the better to tease you with," he quipped back with a smirk and a kiss.  "Dear, want to practice with Lorne and your sword?"

"Please.  I am not used to swords."

"It's been decades since I had to go undercover using one," Lorne shot back.

"You can use an axe, guys.  I do," Xander reminded them.  "It's easier and a more versatile weapon."

"We need another few in the family," Peter said.

"They're in the secondary research cabinet, which is in the office.  Both are probably a bit light for you two but we can go to the armory store."  They nodded.  He looked at Caroline, who shrugged.

"I have two or three good blades.  I started out fencing and went from there."

"Wonderful."  He smiled.  "Can you behead?"  She nodded.  "Cool.  The minions of the higher ups we can blow away, them we have to behead.  Have you met Kinella yet?"

"I wasn't going to wake her up this early since she might've had patrol last night," Lorne said.  "We can meet her later."

"She and Faith are going club hunting tonight."

"That's fine," Lorne agreed.  "What armory store?"

Xander grinned.  "There's a historical weapons place, which is hugely expensive but weapons that've lasted forever.  Or there's the ren faire guy who also sells real things that he's recently done.  Not for show blades or demonstration blades but real blades."

"How expensive is the historical one?" Caroline asked.

"Very but they're all ancient, were used at one time and cleaned up sorts of weapons.  The newer ones are made of a lighter metal so easier to carry and use, and are just as sturdy.  My backup axe came from him.  He's got my silver sickle right now to fix the grip on it in case we need it."

"Much closer to behead but handy in a more crowded combat field," she agreed.  He nodded with a grin.  "Good."  She looked at Peter.  "Your former bosses won't pull something at the last minute, right?  Or try to keep one or both fo you on the way out?"

"No, I have made sure.  Everyone all the way up the government knows that there is apocalypse battle and better us to handle it and then disappear than making them do it themselves.  Though, we may want a person like Father Morgan on hand," he told Xander.  "Just in case fields need it."

He called him.  "Father Morgan, Xander.  I'm looking for a referral for the battle in Russia in a few weeks."  He wrote down a name and address.  "Is that in Moscow or where?"  He wrote that down.  "Please.  We'll be landing the day before so we can scout the area, get over the jetlag, all that.  Yup, us two, Kinella, two agents, and they're giving us people to back us up thanks to Peter."  He made a note.  "We're sure there's a village?  Okay, I can have the backup teams handle that.  Thanks."  He hung up and passed it to Peter.  "He said there's a village not ten miles from the site."

"I'll see if we can have it cleared just in case," he agreed, calling someone at the local embassy.  They agreed they could do that for that day and talk to the priest.  They wanted all bases covered quickly and efficiently so this did not get a lot of notice from the normal people.

***

In Russia two hours later, a man knocked on a church's door then walked in.  "Father Demeter?" he called in Russian.  The old Orthodox priest stepped out of the back.  "There is a meeting you must attend."

"The Church does not follow orders of the government any longer," he said firmly.

"There is a demon battle in two weeks."

The father stared at him.  "I had heard and made plans to go clean the area after the military was done."

"Someone who has retired is bringing his male spouse to help him battle it with some of our people and a few agents.  They requested help that day to make sure nothing tainted the land or the nearby village."

"I will be there that day," he agreed.  The man nodded and pointed.  "I know where it is, son.  I will be in that village, instructing the local priest in how to battle a possession until you need me."

"We are clearing any people near there for the day."

"That is wise."  He got his coat and went with the agent to hear what other plans would counter his.  It was clear someone had a clue.  "Where is this hunter from?"

"Our person's male spouse is from somewhere in California called Sunnydale?  And the slayer he works with is from Tunisia."

He blinked a few times.  "The hellmouth?"  They all shrugged.  "Put me... let me call a contact.  Where are they living now?"

"New York."  He handed over the number.  "That is our person's phone number, Father.  That way you can make any arrangements you might need to."  He nodded and tucked it into his pocket.  They finished making plans about anyone living out that way.  There were probably farms that weren't attached to any village.  They'd send the army up to clear them out for the day.

***

Xander came home with Peter, looking at Daniel.  "We'll be gone for about four days in Russia."

"I can handle that.  Are the Winchesters going?"

"We couldn't get them cleared for visa's," Xander said dryly.  "Me, Peter, two agents, their army, a priest."

"So the usual bad things battle then," he decided, cuddling Brad.  "Kinella or Faith?"

"Kinella."

"That's fine.  I can handle that and the city with the rest."  Peter smiled at him.  "Want Olivia to help you unpack the scary research cabinet?"

"No, I've got to grab a few things and head to the armory stores."  He went into the office and came out, handing Peter the bug on the way to the elevator.

Peter looked at it.  "FBI issue."  He put it into his pocket and followed.  Shannon ran after them.  "We are going to look at weapons."

"Me?" she asked with a grin.  She looked at her daddy when Xander did.  "Me?"

"Fine," he agreed.  He smiled.  "They'll take good care of you."  She beamed and pushed the button.  Peter went back to grab her jacket and shoes.  Then joined them at the car to put her into them.  Then they got in to go to the stores.  Shannon ran to the door and looked inside with an 'ooh'.

Xander opened the door and let her inside.  She ran right for the knives.  "This is my niece Shannon," he said with a grin.  "And my mate, Peter."

"Peter," he said with a nod, shaking his hand.  The half-demon looked down.  "She's active?"

"No slayers where she was born."

"Good point."  He smiled at her.  "Don't touch, those are sharp, dear."  She pointed at one and grunted.  "When you're older."  Xander squatted down and let her look at it.  She petted it and grinned then put it back carefully.  "Going to Russia with you?"

"Hell no," Xander said dryly.  "Kinella is."

"I've got her swords in to fix them."  He took them into the back.

"Pretty!" Shannon cooed, petting a heavy, ancient sword.  "Ooooooh."

Peter petted her hair.  "It is very pretty but too heavy for me or your uncle."  She beamed and ran to catch up.  Xander found what he needed and it was more comfortable than a sword.  The Kama and Arit pair went well, one more curved, the other more like a field sickle or hand scythe.  "What you bringing?"

"I'm bringing a set of hook swords for Kinella.  They're her holiday present if she likes them."  He grinned.  "I had someone make me a Bat'leth and I'm bringing it as a backup.  I have a Kujang for the battle itself and I'm going to look over my fine collection of axes to see which one I want to bring."  He grinned brighter.

"You have weapons collection not in scary cabinet Olivia covets?" he teased.

"In special storage."  He winked and looked at the armory guy.  "He got me one of my more ancient Ono axes recently."

"And a Labrys too," the dealer agreed.  "And a few horseman's picks too.  Those are war hammers with a spike on the backside and a huge handle but they're about as thick as a current claw hammer."

Xander nodded.  "Not a lot of damage causing but I figure they can start Shannon or Olivia's scary research cabinet for when they're dating."

The dealer smiled.  "You're so sweet.  What about a Bhuj?"

"They're like a Chinese machete," Xander told Peter.  "Longer handle, shorter blade at the end."  One got shown to them.  "That would be for swinging only, not for stabbing, but they could be a handy backup weapon."

"I used to carry an older falx," Peter said.  "It got confiscated by England years ago."  The dealer showed them some and he picked one that was longer but very nice in his hand.  And another one because he missed his weapons.  They paid and left, going to the other place to meet Lorne and Caroline.  Xander picked up his dagger.  Peter picked up a lighter single-bladed axe.  It would go well with what he had.  "What is a kujang?"  The dealer showed him.  They looked like handles with curved scimitar blades only about sickle sized.  "Huh.  Sharpened only on the outside?"

"No, mine are sharpened on both edges, but traditionally it was mostly on one side," Xander said.  "Mine's an antique set but they've been well taken care of and well used over the centuries.  They're one of the first ones I bought myself.  I've had them since the last year of Sunnydale, right after Anya and I broke up."  He smiled.  "I'll pick them up from the storage house tonight so you can admire the prettiness."  Peter smiled and nodded.

Lorne shook his head.  "Pure mush," he muttered.

"It was you who pointed out he was in love," Xander quipped.  "Before then he thought it was only liking me and lust for my prettiness."

Lorne shook his head.  "I remember him telling me he'd kill me for saying that too."  Peter snickered but nodded.  Xander gave him a hug.  "Thanks, kid."  He picked what he wanted with Caroline's help.  She'd help train him to that one.  It was shorter than the one he had used undercover and probably be a lot more helpful.

"Get a sickle too in case you have to go close in," Xander said.  He pointed.  "That should fit well and do you a lot of good."  Lorne nodded and got those too.  Kinella pounced him and he grinned back at her.  "Want your present early?"

"Please," she begged.  "Shannon and I can admire it together."

"Sure."  He took them to his storage house for his weapons collection.  The guard nodded politely once he had signed in.  "There's an upcoming battle."

"Wonderful.  Be safe, Mr. Harris."

"You too since it's in Russia."  He got them into his storage locker.  Peter looked at all the axes, swords, and pole weapons hanging up then at his mate.  Xander grinned.  "I like weapons."  He found the box and checked to makes sure then handed it to her.  He handed Peter his weapons he was bringing.  Peter stared at the Bat'leth, shaking his head.  "It's a very practical weapon."

She looked and nodded.  "It is.  I practiced with it against Faith.  It's got a sweet balance and good grips."  She sat on the floor with Shannon in her lap to open up her box.  They both moaned in pleasure when she exposed the first one.  "I love you, Xander, and I might bear you babies some day for Peter."  She hugged their legs.

Peter smiled.  "Those look handy.  Axe blades protecting your hands and sword parts."  She beamed and nodded.  The other got pulled out and she hugged Shannon around them.  They got repacked and she took them home.  Shannon, Peter, and Xander went home to sharpen theirs.

Sam came in after them.  Daniel was cooking and ignoring Shannon helping them sharpen things.  John was sharpening his knives to teach her how so she'd leave Xander and Peter alone.  Sam paused, staring at one.  "Is that a Klingon weapon?"  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Is it a reproduction?"

"No, I had someone make me one," he said with a grin.

Sam picked it up to look at.  "It's heavier than I'd expect but very many sharp little points.  Two or one handed I guess.  Handy?"  He handed it back.

"Very handy and Kinella likes it.  I gave her the holiday present I found her.  She and Shannon cooed over them."

"What did you get her?" John asked.

"Hook swords."

John considered it then looked at Sam, who looked them up on google.  "Oh, those.  Still, swords aren't always practical."  Xander pointed at his special weapon.  "Uh-huh.  How are they getting to Russia?"

"Trunk."

Peter finished with his last weapon and took one of Xander's to sharpen, getting a grin for it.  Mickey came off the elevator.  "We are gearing up for trip for battle."

"I just heard."  He stared at the weapons.  Axes, hand weapons.  "No guns?"

"Not for the head ones.  The minions can get blown away but we might have to fight some of them by hand too."

"Do we need more help?"

"You cannot go to Russia, they will keep you," Peter said patiently.  "Would hate to have to pull a rescue during that."

"Good point."  He sat down next to John to look at some of them closer.  "Broke into your special weapons collection?" he guessed.  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Why don't you collect art like everyone else?"

"I have some jade pieces I really like but they're all in the bank."  He got back to it.  Peter looked at him.  He nodded.  "That safety deposit box has the wills, the baby pictures, copies of most of the pictures I have, and six jade statues I adored.  Mostly lighter green jades and one white jade heavily carved elephant I picked up during the signing trip in Singapore."

"Huh."  He nodded. "I have a few paintings but I was never a collector."

"They're worth it and also fiscal insurance," Xander sighed.  "In case the Treasury does things again."

"That reminds me," Peter said, handing Mickey the bugs.  "I forgot to give them to Lorne."

"I'll hand them over."  He looked at them.  "Huh.  Where were they?"

"Office," Xander said dryly.

"I can check on that."  He put them into his pocket.  "Do you guys need more help?"

Peter grinned.  "I have talked to former bosses.  They are not happy and want it to go away very quickly and quietly.  So we have army backup."

"Even better."  He patted Shannon on the head.  "You're very handy at that, dear."  She grinned and nodded.  "No siblings?"

"Napping," John said with a smirk.  "All on their own too."  Mickey snickered, getting up and leaving them to it.  John got free of Shannon and picked up the Bat'leth to test it himself.  It was well balanced, had a lot of sharp points and small cutting edges.  It could probably do a whole lot of damage to a body.  "How do you use this thing?"

Xander got up.  "Grab something, Sam."  He did and John sat down to hold Shannon out of the way.  They sparred a bit and Xander even got to get a bit fancy with it.  Peter moaned and when they were done, he packed up things quickly and took Xander for their own nap.

Sam sat down, looking at his father.  "Dean will want one."

"Dean wants more practical things."  He pointed at the kujang.  "He'll want those."

"Those are pretty."  He picked it up to test it.  "Very nicely weighted too."  Dean came off the elevator a few minutes later and paused to look at the weapons.  He came over to check everything over.  The bat'leth got a strange look but that was just him not acknowledging he was a weapons geek too.

Daniel shook his head from the kitchen.  Not even Buffy had been like that over her weapons.  Maybe it was a gayboy thing and Dean was in denial?

***

Xander looked at everyone before their flight to Russia.  "We all here and have everything?"  They all nodded.  Xander let the Customs people who had been briefed handle things to check them over as he walked off calling someone.  "Can I ask for a huge favor?"  He smiled.  "No, directly after the battle, can we come home?  Yes, vision," he complained.  "That's their version of 'not letting CNN know'.  Well, I consider them trying to kill myself and my husband an emergency," he said dryly.  "That's why I had the vision I guess."  He listened.  "Thanks."  He read off the coordinates of where they thought they were heading.  "Somewhere near there.  I can do that.  Yeah, I'm still me and I can take off the hellmouth necklace too.  Thanks, Jack."  He hung up and walked back.  Peter looked at him.  "Vision last night."

"I heard."  He stared at him.  "We can stop them."

"If not, I asked General Jack for a huge favor."

Peter nodded.  "Could be helpful but ..."  Xander whispered in his ear.  "Huh.  That would be helpful, yes."  They got onto the plane and settled in to nap and rest on the way over.  Kinella was checking all hers for sharpness.  "If you need help, ask.  The rest of us speak Russian."

She smiled.  "I can do that.  I do speak German."  He shook his head.  "Okay."  She went back to sharpening the little blades on the handles of her hook swords.

Lorne looked over.  "Those are fancy."

She smiled.  "My holiday present from Xander.  They're Chinese weapons."

"They look useful.  I'm not so sure about his huge crescent thing but swords are probably handy."

She grinned.  "You can use it when you would a sword or in closer combat.  I love that thing.  Faith thinks it's weird but wants one of the simpler ones for her own use."  Xander nodded from behind his book.  She grinned.  "She'll be happy."

"Tara has it in her closet."

"Aww.  She'll have to go sweettalk Tara and help her make cookies to get it early."  She got back to her sharpening.  When she was done she checked all her other ones.  Then she settled in for a nap.  It was a very long flight.  About seventeen hours with the refueling in Paris.  She'd hate jetlag so it was best to sleep all the way over to France.  Where they couldn't get off the plane or have to deal with Customs again but they could at least wake up for a bit.

***

Xander nodded at their army enforcer/guide.  "Xander Harris.  This is the Slayer Kinella, my mate Peter Yurchenko, Lorne Cash, and Caroline Kitrichs."

"Welcome," he said in Russian.  Xander switched to reintroduce them, getting a smile.  "Your mate has taught you well.  You barely have any accent."  He led them to the cars.  "I am to take you to Major Sendrals."  Xander got the weapons trunks and Caroline got the other stuff loaded onto the truck going to the site.  "We have a small town up that way and will have village cleared.  They have been warned of why and most have already cleared out a few days early," he told them.  Peter translated for Kinella.  He smiled at him.  "You were army?"

Peter rattled off his former position, getting a moan and head shake.  He smiled.  "Retired now to write wonderful books that get turned into movies."

The army sergeant smiled and nodded.  "That is a great thing.  Much more peaceful.  I hope my later life has such quiet."  He gave them maps of the area.  Xander pointed out the problems of it and where the energy readings had spiked.  They nodded and switched the plans around to there.  "Any idea which way we'll be facing?"

"Probably facing west.  They wouldn't want to offload their army into a hill and they have to had a scout sometime somehow.  Maybe one that was already here, one that immigrated in the last few years, I'm not sure how long this plan has been going on.  To the east and north are both small hills that would cause immediate problems for offloading things.  To the south is that stream.  It's a well protected area."  The sergeant nodded.  Peter asked a few questions about the weather predictions.  They didn't want to have it during a rainstorm, or worse a snowstorm.  He got handed reports on that to share around.

"Good thing I brought my comfy, loose sweater," Kinella joked with a grin for Xander.

"Don't tell Olivia you only have one.  She's going to need to start making money to do her own shopping soon."

"She's only three, Xander."

"She's expensive and has expensive tastes."

"That sometimes depends on who she is with.  With her father or you, or Tara, she hates going to expensive places.  With me or Rick, or his family, she loves them," Peter said.

Xander smiled.  "Our three-year-old niece we have custody of for at least another month.  Until the judge agrees her father is back."  The sergeant smiled and nodded.  "She'd like to be very fashionable at times."

"She is very nicely attired," Caroline agreed with a smile for him.  "She's very cute in most everything, including what you had her donating in."

"The mayor asked.  I'm not sure *why* he asked but it was good for her to encourage other kids to donate to ones less fortunate."  He shrugged.  "Then we went home, went through her closets and toyboxes, gave Shannon and Brad what they wanted, and took the rest of the Salvation Army drop off.  They were very happy with her.  Tara had her helping at a soup kitchen that night too."

"You've done a good job making her socially responsible," Lorne agreed.

"I try really hard since her Aunt Buffy somehow taught her about fashion before she could walk or talk."  Kinella cackled and nodded.  He smiled at their guide, bragging about his niece.  It let the others calm down, make their own plans, and let Kinella rest since she'd be doing a lot of the fighting.  She and him were taking the front lines while Peter and Lorne covered one side and Caroline got the weaker side.  The army was going to be behind them to get whatever got missed.

***

Xander, Lorne, Caroline, and Peter, who was being held up by Xander, appeared in a flash of light in an infirmary.  "Doc, I hate to be a bother," he quipped.  "But can you grab Peter, they shot him."  She came over to help him onto a bed.  "Did I forget Kinella?" he asked, looking around.

"Father Demeter has her guarded," Caroline said.  "He left before they tried to gang up on us, Xander."  She patted him.  "He's got a few good claw and bite marks, Doctor.  So do we."

"Did we beam you?" Doctor Lam demanded.

"You were supposed to," Xander admitted.  "I had a vision that they'd turn on us so we couldn't tell anyone that Russia just had an apocalypse battle."

"Crap," she sighed.  "O'Neill?"  He nodded, taking off his jacket.  It was mostly ruined.  His shirt and sweater too.  She called him.  "There was an attack, Xander.  I'm sorry."

"It's all right.  I used the hellmouth taint and I have a hellish headache but yay.  Though I'm going to miss those weapons."

"Kinella has them," Lorne said.  "All but yours I think."  Xander grimaced.  "She didn't get to take yours to 'clean' with the priest."

He nodded.  Peter took Xander's phone and called someone, swearing at them in Russian.  "I will have them all back by the time I am back in New York, with the slayer the Father is guarding, or I will invite multiple demon species to come take over."  He handed the phone to Lorne with a wince.  "I do not like being shot any more than I used to."

The doctor smiled.  "That's always a wise thing."  O'Neill walked in and sighed in relief.  "The slayer's still over there.  So are the weapons."

"That will be fixed because I am mean enough to send little biting things over.  Ones that reproduce like tribbles," Peter said.  The doctor gave him something for the pain and he sighed, letting go of Xander's hand.  "Fix Xander."

"I will be fixing Xander.  Let me scan for the bullet and get one of the surgeons here, Peter."  He nodded once, letting himself drift on the painkiller.

Xander looked at his phone then took it to text someone.  "One of my kitten poker contacts has family over there who is in the mafia.  Maybe they can make sure we get all the weapons back."  He handed it back to Lorne, letting one of the doctors look over his cuts and scrapes.  "Ow, Doc."

"Sorry, Mr. Harris."  The other two got put onto separate beds across from them and handled.

"Was it as bad as the invasion?" Jack asked.

"Half," Xander said quietly.  "Lots of stuff to loot though."

"Regular army probably already has and sold half," Peter said.

"No, you guys were supposed to get the SG Teams from over there," Jack said, going to make that call.  He came back ten minutes later.  "They took over from the army and banished them to the cities.  All your weapons are with them.  They have Kinella and are going to hand her back to us."  He patted Xander on the head.  "A Klingon weapon?"  Xander grinned and nodded.  "I never considered that."

"It's good if you're in close quarters combat or have to have something at sword length.  It's a very good blocking, cutting, and ripping weapon.  It's very handy when it's too close to use a real sword or axe but too far to use a dagger or sickle-style one."

"I never considered that.  I'll have to see if Ronon wants to try one of those since he's such a big fan of the sharp and pointy stuff."  Xander grinned and nodded.  "Doc, how bad?"

"Pretty bad.  Peter's injury missed everything important but will need babied for a bit.  Xander's are deep but not infecting.  Anything like slime, poison?"  Xander shrugged.  "Okay, we can give you antibiotics and monitor you just in case."  Kinella appeared on top of their trunks with the weapons.  "Did you get all of them?"

"All but one of Xander's kujang."

"They can be summoned," Xander said.

"Not magical," she reminded him.  She called Tara.  "We're all in Cheyenne since they tried to double-cross us and make sure we couldn't brag.  Can you summon Xander's other kujang?  Thanks, Tara.  Should I tell Faith to beg you for her holiday present?"  She grinned.  "I'll do that.  No, we're all good.  Peter's the worst.  They tried to shoot them before Xander got the energy to move them."  Xander tossed over his hellmouth hiding necklace.  "Yup, that way.  Thanks."  She hung up.  "She will do that on lunch, Xander."  He nodded.  "Does he have more taint, Doc?"

She scanned him.  "No.  Not a whole lot."  She finished extracting the bullet for Peter and started the cleaning and sewing process.  "You're very lucky."

"I should've been able to move us sooner," Xander sighed.  "I was panicking enough."  He shifted onto his side and winced but then sighed in pleasure afterward.  "I falled," he told the nurse looking him over.  "And slid."

She smiled.  "We have some wonderful cream for bruises that will help that."  She pulled the curtain to get him out of his pants.  "Um, Doctor Lam?  He did more than slip and fall."

"I knew I was not only one that got hit," Peter complained in a hazy voice.

"No, not by a long shot," the nurse said.  One of the other doctors came over to look at his gunshot wound.

"At least it's in fleshy muscle," she decided with a smile for him.  Xander thumped his head on the bed.  She smiled.  "You can baby each other."

"Olivia is going to fuss us to death," Xander said.

"Yup," Kinella said, texting Paula that news and to tell Olivia.  Jack smirked at her.  "It's a daughter or near-daughter's right to fuss over the daddy or uncle figure."  Someone came in and looked at the weapons, drawing his.  She smacked him with the bat'leth.  "Stand down.  We're all battle hot, Soldier."  She watched them being cleaned up.  Lorne and Caroline were tucked in.  "Just tonight?"  Doctor Lam nodded.  "Cool."  She stood up and looked at the general.  "Can I get these back to New York for Dean to take care of?"

"We'll send you guys tomorrow."  He smiled and showed her to a room, making the panicky soldier carry the rest of the weapons for her.

***

Paula walked outside her office.  She had called a press conference.  "Contrary to popular reports out of Russia, the people who tried to shoot both of my authors, the slayer with them, and the two agents did not succeed.  I'm told they're all safely in Colorado at the moment.  Peter and Alexian do have minor injuries, both from the battle and the Russian army trying to cover up the apocalypse battle.  The agents and slayer with them all have battle trauma injuries.  They're all awake, alert, stitched up, resting comfortably, and Alexian said to quit making his niece cry before he comes back here to kill you all."  She smiled and folded the papers.  "Any questions?"

"What happened?" one reporter asked.  "Was it like the invasion?"

"Slightly.  I was told it was a higher being from another realm deciding to move here with her army.  They were backed up by the Russian army.  It was nearly in the middle of nowhere and the local villages were evacuated as a precaution."

Another raised her hand.  "How injured?"

"Peter and Alexian both have very minor, easily closed gunshot wounds in addition to the cuts, scrapes, and a few bite marks from the battles.  The rest just have the battle injuries."

"How did they get to Colorado?  Did that program help?"

"I know that Alexian called General O'Neill before then.  You'd have to ask him."  They nodded and made notes.  "As for coverage of it?  I'm told that there is underground video taken from a villager who is online.  I'll be releasing that to Homeland Security or General O'Neill, whichever one asks first, but not the press as I don't want charged."  They smiled and nodded.  "So please quit making Olivia cry, people."

"Who told her?"

"I believe the embassy called the house to tell them," she said.  "Which was a bit premature as it was before the battle had started from what I've heard."  They all moaned.  "So I'm guessing that someone had a bad idea of covering things up."

"Apparently," one of the reporters quipped.  "Do they know?"

"Yes.  Kinella texted all of us when she got to Colorado.  She said she had been guarded by a priest that showed up to help like some of the local ones here do.  She had their weapons with them as well."  She saw someone pushing through the crowd.  "Agent Philips.  Why do you have Shannon?"

"She's throwing a fit and Mickey said to bring her to you," he said dryly, handing her over.

"Shannon?" she asked patiently, staring at her.

"Uncle!"

She called.  "Kinella, talk to Shannon?"  She did and put the baby inside with her phone.  "On my desk, Agent Philips."  He went in to get it, coming out with the CD.  They could hear Shannon giggling.  "Thank you."

"She's very worried about them."  He looked at them.  "We'll release any reports needed about it after we review the film.  Which will be next weekend probably.  Dismissed, people."  They groaned but left.  He looked at her.  "Daniel had no idea how to handle that," he said quietly.  "So he sent her to you because they'd answer for you when they weren't for them."

"It's possible.  Peter always answers my calls."  She went in to talk to Shannon, who was much happier and talking to her Aunt Kinella and Uncle Xander.  She had even figured out how to turn it on speaker, so Olivia's training showed very well.  "C'mon, we'll go home and you can tell the others that he's fine.  Call me when you get back, people."  She hung up and called a cab, taking Shannon home.  She found Beckett and Rick there.  He took Shannon to cuddle.  "They're fine.  They're in Colorado."  Beckett sighed in relief.  "Xander and Peter both have minor wounds from the army and others from the battles."

Rick nodded.  "Good!  Why would they do that?"

"To hide that it happened.  The same as LA's City Council likes to ignore that demon things happen," Daniel said, taking his daughter back.  She wiggled down and went to hug her auntie.  Beckett smiled, giving her a cuddle. Brad ran in and clung to Rick.  Olivia came running off the elevator, gave her daddy a hug, then pounced Paula for information.  Mickey followed more slowly.  "They're fine," Daniel said.

"Good."  He smiled at the kids.  "They wanted to hug the uncles and aunts instead of calming down in the park."  He sat down on the couch.  "So, any other news?"

"Colorado.  And I made a tape for Xander's personal review later with the slayers and any of the LA team," she said, holding it up.  They smiled and nodded, put it in a locking cabinet away from the kids.  She looked at them.  "Let me head back to the office to field calls."  She left them to calm down together.

Mickey smiled.  "I'm here to guard, guys.  That way no one tries anything in retaliation for them living."

"Thank you," Daniel said quietly.  He got up to work on a snack.  The kids let go of everyone for some salad.  "My Ma would've been proud of them liking that."  He sat down again.

"She might be when she gets right in the head," Rick said.  "Most grandmothers would be thrilled to have such smart, talented children.  If she couldn't see them for that, then she'll get the help she needs hopefully."  Daniel smiled and nodded.

"Grandpa called," Olivia said.

"John?" Daniel asked.

"Other Grandpa.  He said to come home and think."

"I'll talk to him later."  Rick nodded so he went to do that in the office while they watched the kids inhale salad.

***

The next day, Peter walked up to where the ambassador from Russia to the US was giving a statement saying how sorry they were that the people who had come to help them had died.  "In my day, intelligence system was much better."  The ambassador stared at him.  He looked at him over his sunglasses, a look he had gotten off his mate.  "Army was also less jumpy and called people after they shot them, not before."  He walked off.

"Peter!" one shouted, chasing after him.  "Is everyone all right?"

He nodded, smirking at her.  "We are fine.  Minor injuries.  Worst is really my temper over them calling the family before they tried to shoot us to cover incident up."  He smiled.  "Alexian said he's not moving from couch for a week because he got graze on rear end when he dove to get me out of harm's way."

"Are you all right?"

"Small wounds.  Doctor Lam fixed us up very well."

"Did the SGC help evacuate you?"

"Not exactly but they did patch us up.  She has taken excellent care of Xander in the past."  He smiled.  "Let me get my fussy things donuts. Shannon scowled at us for not having any this morning and Brad joined in."

"Olivia's siblings?"  He nodded.  "How are they doing?  I know they're seeing someone to help them catch up since they were environmentally deprived on that realm."

"They are doing wonderful.  Brad is finally walking.  Both can talk now.  They catch up very well."

She smiled.  "That's good.  Whose idea was the donation?"

"The mayor asked.  That way she could show other children it is cool to donate.  They have made sure she is very socially responsible, even if she does like to be pretty all the time."

She grinned.  "Thanks and tell her good job."  He nodded, heading off.  The other reporters that had followed had their own notes.  The ambassador had snuck off to tell his bosses he was in trouble.

***

Lorne and Caroline walked up to the White House.  "We got summoned," he reported, producing his ID.  They had a note the president was expecting him so let them in.   One of the Secret Service guards glared at them.  Lorne glared back.  "Watch me take out my bad mood from the sixty-four stitches on you," he offered.

"We'd like the President to be calm since he has an important meeting later."

"I'm sure yelling at someone will make him happier," Caroline quipped.  They were let in by the secretary and saluted.

The president turned his chair around to look at them.  "What in the holy hells happened?"

Lorne stared at him.  "There's tape, sir."

"I've seen it.  I've seen your reports.  I'm still lost about how all that turned into such a cluster fuck."

"Did you also see the report where they called Harris' family and told him they were dead before the battle?" Lorne asked.

"No, I hadn't."

"Yup, they did," Caroline said.  "Someone called his phone to make sure.  Talk about pissed off.  I didn't think Peter was going to be able to calm him down.  I thought we might see him go berserk with that special Klingon weapon of his."

"Klingon...  Never mind," the president said, shaking his head quickly.  "I don't want to know if O'Neill has found real Klingons."

"Harris is a fandom geek," Lorne said dryly.  "He had one made.  It was a lot more handy than I thought it would be."

"Oh."  He rubbed his forehead and called someone.  "What were your people doing shooting at some of my best agents?" he demanded.  "And calling their families before that battle you asked for help with to tell them they had died during it?"  He leaned back, listening to the backpedaling.  "I gonna have to tell you, next time you're on your own damn devices.  I'll be damned."

He listened some more.  "No, and I'm not real happy about it.  Neither are they.  As a matter of fact, I'm downright pissed off and I'm sure your former agent is as well.  Yes, Yurchenko.  Well, his husband seems to think he was worth having a sudden magic spike about," he said dryly.  "And the tape some local took clearly showed that the military was going to shoot 'em all.  Which I hate like hell.  So what are we going to do about it beyond making you deal with your own apocalypses?"  He smirked.  "I doubt they would, even if it would mean them spreading."

"Peter threatened to send some little biting things that procreated like tribbles over," Caroline said.  "And some flying monkeys."

The president looked at her.  "There's really flying monkeys?"  Lorne got into the site that Peter had sent him, showing him.  He read it and snorted.  "They're cannibals too.  Charming!"  He handed it back.  "You two go rest.  You've earned a few days off.  And if Micah gives you shit, Lorne, you tell him to call me."

"You work for Simms?" Caroline asked as they walked out.

"Yeah, I have Max London as a partner."

"Damn, I'm so sorry."  She patted him on the arm, getting a wince back.  "Happy advil."

"You too, Caroline."  He went to the bar.  His bartender held up the bottle of generic painkillers as soon as he heard him come in.  "Thanks.  Water?"  One was handed over and he went back to watching something on his laptop.  "What's that?"

"The battle.  It's on youtube."

"That figures."  He took some pills and sat down.  "It's not that thrilling."

"It's not as big as LA's but it looked pretty desperate.  And why does Harris have a Klingon weapon?"

"Because he likes it and he said it's a good mid-range weapon."  His bartender just nodded.  "Peter thinks it's nice, now."

He nodded.  "It looks like it."   He put his laptop aside.  "Anything we should know?  Max and Micah have both called and so have a few of the golf buddies."

"I'll call them later," he muttered, grabbing the bar phone to call his boss.  "The president said I had days off."  He hung up and got a drink, going to his office to do some nice, plain, boring paperwork that would hopefully work him into a nap very soon.

Max stomped in and back there.  "You should've told us you were back.  We would've done the medical checks for you."

Lorne looked up.  "Doctor Lam kept us until she was sure there was no poison.  I only have stitches."  She huffed.  He smiled.  "But thanks for worrying, Max."

"Micah wanted a report."  He sent it via email.  "Anything else he should know?"

"We're all kind of pissed at the Russians.  Harris has an antique weapons storage area."  She moaned, walking off shaking her head.  Lorne went back to his paperwork.   He could really use a nap but he was too sore to get one.  He decided to call the retired spy golf association to take his mind off his stitches and his new nightmares about demons.  They'd be good at that.

***

Mickey walked into the demon procurer's shop.  He had went to see why his uncle had sent him here and had nearly cooed at the flying monkey.  Though it was too mean to be his pet, but he definitely could find it a few walking lunches that were causing people problems.  "Uncle Peter was threatening to send something to his former bosses?"  The man smiled and nodded, leading him to a cage.  "What is it?  It looks like a really fluffy gerbil."  He reached over to pet it.  Then two very large, sharp looking sets of teeth came out of the fur.  "Huh."  He nodded.  "No wonder Uncle Peter wanted to send them to Russia."

"Only need one.  Within ten days, will have hundreds."  The procurer smiled.  "One was used against a drug dealer by his husband.  Very handy and the team that put him out of his misery had a lot of fun with them as well.  Only took two days to overrun his jungle palace."

Mickey nodded.  "How rare are they?"

"Not at all.  That one is only ten bucks."

Mickey texted that at Peter and his boss.  Robert was very confused about why he wanted an opinion on it.  Peter said he'd lend him the ten dollars and money for sales tax.  He paid for it and took it off.  He nicely sent it to a friend he had in Germany, who could send it to the Kremlin.  It might take it a few days but he was sure someone would get the point.

***

Two days later, General O'Neill got visited by his Russian counterpart.  "Problems?"

"Two."  He put a cage on the desk.  "What is this thing?  How do I kill it?"

He stared.  "That's a demon of some sort."

"Clearly!"

Jack called Xander, who moaned as he answered the phone.  "Sorry to wake you, Xander, but how do you kill the furry gerbil looking demon?"  He tapped the cage.  "Yeah, lots of teeth."

"It has eaten three generals," the Russian one complained.  Even he heard the cackling from that end.  "What?"

"Peter said it served them right and they're only ten dollars.  His nephew loved it."  He smirked.  "And you can squish them."  He hung up.  "Peter said some people needed to be bitten."

"Uh-huh."  He scowled.  "What did we do to them?"

"The army tried to shoot them."

"Oh, them."  He sighed.  "These are a mean payback for that but probably suitable."  He glared at it.  "Will bullets work?"

"Xander said squishing."

"Wonderful.  At least they can be stepped on."

Jack's desk computer beeped and he looked at it.  "I thought I was ignoring that."  He checked then opened up a report that had been sent to him.  "Huh.  Someone's used them to take down drug dealers."

"I believe we have our own sort of problems that could enjoy them," he said dryly.  "It was still mean."

Jack grinned.  Another email happened.  He read it.  "Aww, Xander sent his own suggestion of what he would've sent."  He let him see the information page.  Then the other one that got sent.  "His niece Olivia wants one of those but she doesn't want it to eat their cats."

"A flying, carnivorous monkey," he sighed, shaking his head.  "I can just imagine the stink the Church would cause with that.  Tell him those of us with sense apologize and the rest were already eaten."  Jack sent that back and got another one, making the other general shudder.  "Yes, I believe that is very mean of them.  He must need painkillers again."

"They can't have sex for at least a week since Xander was diving at Peter to get him out of harm's way so got shot in the ass.  They've only been married for six months."  Another one came in and he read it.  "I'm so using that the next time we run into the Ori," he muttered.

The other general snickered, walking off without his nibbling gerbil friend.

Jack looked at it then called someone to come get it.  They had a lot of enemies that wanted to kill them.  They could use that the next time they were attacked.  He gave his assistant the other pages he had printed out.  "Find them too."  He nodded, taking it back to the mountain.  The biologists there freaked out a bit but it was a happy man-eating gerbil since they fed it reese's cups.  Chocolate worked on their bad mood too.

***

Beckett got handed a report by Castle a few days later.  It was on a takedown of a Russian mafia group in Moscow.  She read it, then shook her head quickly.  "Think they sent it?" she asked.

"No, Peter said Mickey sent it for him."  He grinned.

"I know what to do about ours if they act up again," she said, putting it aside.  Esposito rolled his chair over to get it.  "Thankfully Xander likes us."

Esposito looked at her.  "We have plenty of places to use one."

"Then go ask Mickey to help you find a new pet," she quipped.  "If it can be trained as a police animal....."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He rolled back to his desk and got back to work on his reports.  "How are they doing, Castle?"

"Xander still can't sit so he's in a bad mood.  Olivia's in fussing heaven.  They had to send her to Tara for the weekend so she had some girl time.  Shannon pouted about that so Alexis came over to play games.  They pounced her so hard to knock her down for a tickle fight she's bruised but she enjoyed it."  He smiled.  "They're mostly fine.  Lorne sent a mean email to Peter that made Xander cackle while we were chatting earlier."

"Those two are very well suited," Beckett said.  "But they could use a threat free time to calm down and just be a couple for a while."

"They're going to the cabin next week."

"Wonderful."  She smiled.  "Any other good news?"

"Olivia was getting Alexis's opinion on all her presents she wanted to buy.  Horrified Daniel a lot.  He pointed out she had a very limited shopping budget.  And the others would pout that she got one at all.   She huffed and pointed out two of the best ones were for them.  He is definitely not used to her style of doing things yet."

"That's about what I expected since they spent so much time apart.  Olivia's a very worldly child and the other two are more sweet and simple instead of smart and sweet."  She spotted a tiny hairbow over a doorway.  "Olivia?"  She peeked around.  "Did you run away?"

She walked over pouting to get a cuddle.  "Daddy doesn't like me."

"He does love you, he just doesn't understand you."  She gave her a hug.  "How did you get here?"

"Cab."

"From?" Rick asked.

"Auntie's house.  She's napping.  I called demon cabs like Uncle does."  She rested her head against her aunt's shoulder.  "Daddy really hates me."

"He doesn't hate you.  He loves you enough to keep going even though they were trapped over there.  The only thing that helped him make it through was coming back to be your daddy," Rick said.

She pouted at him.  "He hates my ideas."

"He's not used to you," Rick said.  He sat down and took her to cuddle.  She was still pouty.  "Your dad is used to girls like Melody, the one you talked about from daycare.  That's how girls were where he grew up.   So when someone so special and smart came into his life, he's not used to all the thinking that you do.  He expected dollies and pretty dresses, not books and nerf crossbows."

"Then he won't like Shannon either," she said, looking at him.

"He does like you both.  And Brad, but he's got to get used to being the daddy.  The same as you're getting used to having him around as the daddy instead of your uncles."

"That's right," Kate agreed.  "Esposito, call...."

"I've already called Tara and woken her.  I called Xander."

"Uncle Xander's easier," Olivia said.  "He wants me to read and likes what I like and wants me to do things that I like as long as it's not chasing the cats.  And I'm almost out of chasing the cats now because I'm so big."

"You are," Kate agreed with a smile.  "You've grown into a very smart, sensitive young woman."  Olivia gave her a shy grin.  "You still shouldn't take a cab on your own, even from the demon cab company."

"I know but Auntie was so sure that I was being a princess."

"No, you're not.  It's just that things are different and it takes time to get used to different things.  Like when your uncles ate Middle Eastern food and you hated it through most of the meal until suddenly you really liked the rice and figs."

"I guess.  Daddy's still...  He doesn't like me to think and plan and even to fuss.  He said I'm fussing too much."

"It's normal to fuss when someone's sick or injured," Esposito told her with a grin.  "You're a great fusser, but you took some of your Uncle Peter's fussing time."

She grinned.  "They go to cabin next week when Uncle Xander's butt heals."

"I heard.  They could use the time without any threats from someone who wants to hurt the family.  That way they can snuggle on the couch and just be together."

She nodded.  "They need vacation," she agreed.  She leaned her head on Rick's shoulder with a sigh.  "What do I do about Daddy?"

"I think it'll take some time talking to someone," Rick said, looking down at her.  "Maybe someone like Father Morgan can talk to you both and translate.  Sometimes being a dad is a whole different language from being a kid."

She looked at him.  "He can do that?  Talk it to banishing like it's a demon?"

"I think we can ask," he offered.  She nodded with a slight grin.  He called him.  "Father Morgan, Rick Castle.  No, not a demon.  Olivia needs someone to help her and Daniel get used to each other.  That's what I was thinking.  No, probably not that much counseling.  At the station.  She took the demon cab company to come visit.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "He'll make sure your dad's not worried and then come talk to you."  She nodded, snuggling in again.  "Didn't sleep well last night?"

"No, puppy had hairballs and threw up the meatballs Auntie Tara made all night."

"That happens sometimes to puppies and kittens.  That's why my mom didn't want us to have one when Alexis was little."  She grinned at him.  "Some day, when she's all grown up, I'll get a dog to pay attention to me.  If you're still here in the city, you can help me pick it out."  She beamed and nodded.  She went back to snuggling in for comfort.

When Father Morgan got there, she gave him a listless wave.  "They don't think that Daddy hates me but I do."

"I think it's more he doesn't understand you."  He held out his hands.  "Let's talk."  Beckett pointed at a bench in the corner.  He took her over there to talk to her.  Xander sent a text to them to bring her home.  "Detective, Xander wanted her home."

"I know you won't hurt her."  Father Morgan nodded and took her, letting her walk on her own since she wanted to.  Shannon was the sort to limply use you as a transport pillow so you'd carry her.  Brad wanted to run now that he had figured out how.  Olivia was very independent and even Xander didn't get much carrying time with her.  He and John Winchester sat down to talk to her outside once they got back to Xander's.  Daniel was off having a fit in the warehouse.  They'd talk to him next.

***

Daniel sighed as he sat down in front of the kid's physical therapist.  "I need someone to help me."

She smiled and handed over a card.  "I've noticed you've gotten a bit frustrated with all this, Daniel.  She works in this office.  She's the one that Olivia was talking to outside the other day."

"I don't understand Olivia."

"Olivia's a bit worldly for her age but she's generally a caring, fussing little girl like all the others.  It's just that she doesn't want to coo over rainbows and dolls, she wants to get out and do things to make others feel better."

"I'm going to ruin her.  She ran away from Tara to go see a few family friends."

"Did you punish her for that?"

"She actually found the number for the demonic cab company, snitched some of Tara's coffee money, and got herself there.  Xander called them to pay the difference."

"That's very advanced but most kids in the city that take them so often know how to use a cab."

"It was simpler when they're on the farm."

"I think Olivia would adore being on a farm, mostly because she'd have all the animals to fuss over and all the vegetables too."  Daniel smiled and nodded.  "But you'd still be making bi-weekly trips to the library."

"Maybe I'll never understand her."

"I think you will.  It's an adjustment for both of you.  When you left, she was pretending to be a baby for her mother and hiding that she was able to do things like walk."  He grinned and nodded.  "During that time, she's done a lot of growing.  You had too much to worry about with the other two to worry about things like socialization and the like.  Olivia's fairly advanced for her age, but she's still mostly a normal girl with some extra experiences that most kids don't get.  Most of them wouldn't think about going to a reporter to get help with a problem."

"That was brilliant," he sighed.  "Xander has an educational fund set up."

"I'm sure he does.  He probably has since he found out he was going to be an uncle."  She smiled.  "Even before, Olivia was a lot like him from what you've said.  Even without his influence.  Your wife was turning her into a female Xander."

He considered it and nodded.  "She was, yeah."

"And he's liked that.  He's doing great with the other ones and helping you get used to doing it all by yourself with all the additional options you now have.  Xander and Olivia are both very intuitive people.  They read the people around them easily enough that they know how to handle things without conscious thought.  There for the first few weeks, he was totally lost with her.  He had to take her to interviews.  He was on a book tour when you guys got displaced.  She had to travel with them, though it was cute that he told one reporter that asked that his bodyguard was a father and helping."  Daniel nodded, slightly smiling.  "He's had over a year to get used to Olivia no longer hiding how smart she is and what she can do."

"She's not."

"She is.  Around you, she uses simpler sentences, does simpler things, reads simpler books."  He groaned, leaning forward to rub his face with his hands.  "She's reading that frustration from you."

He looked up.  "Detective Beckett got Father Morgan to talk to her when she ran away and then we talked.  He tried to explain things to me.  I'm not sure what I can handle though.  Especially with Xander and Peter taking a week off at his cabin."

"You'll handle it and we'll set up the first talking appointment during then.  Later that night, she can call and talk to them as a touchstone point but otherwise it should help."

"Please," he agreed quietly.  "I feel like I'm failing her."

She smiled.  "You're not.  You'd only be failing her if you were pushing her spirit down."

"We had a fight about christmas shopping."

"Olivia was telling her siblings about the holidays during their last appointment while I was waiting on something from the nurse.  About how the coven had a neat solstice thing and a dinner.  How they could send letters to Santa.  How Santa worked.  How they'd get to see how Peter's nephew the Orthodox priest celebrated Santa time."

"I don't mind that.  It's good for 'em," he agreed quietly.  "I wouldn't have even thought of that."

"Before you probably didn't have many friends who weren't pagan, lapsed like you are, or fully Catholic.  You kept yourself around a fairly limited group of people, Daniel."

"I know.  It felt familiar so it was easier.  I freaked out a few times about Willow taking me to coven things."

"Some people don't do well with change."

"I'd hate to think I'm like my mother."

"No, you have an open mind and reasonable expectations, unlike her.  How is her court case going?"

"They're charging her out the butt.  My father is not happy with the legal bills."  He slumped down.  "That'd be a lot but that and all this too is way too much."

"Yes but Xander and Peter need some time alone to be a couple."

"I know.  They do deserve it and I hope all the stress hasn't ruined 'em."

"I think Xander might have a moment of panic but I also think Peter's expecting that and can pin him to something so they talk after sex."  Daniel blushed but nodded.  "They have a very healthy relationship, even though it was a bit rushed.  They started with a strong foundation and they can easily talk and work any problems out."

"Yeah, I guess.  How long did they date?"

"They had a lot of cross-state emails, some trips up or down for them, and a few times when people showed up get them Peter showed up to help."

"He's a good Da to my kids too."

"Yeah but it's not a race.  There's no winning medal for being the best.  There's no olympic podium where you stand and hear your national anthem.  A good parent is a good parent, no matter how they get to that point."

He nodded.  "I'm not sure I'm good at it."

"You're doing fine.  Parenting is a hard thing.  Every parent has days that they feel like they've failed.  What did John Winchester say?  I'm sure you've talked to him."

"He said Olivia and Sam were a lot alike and a good reason for a temper."  He grinned slightly.  "He loves Olivia like his own but Shannon's sucking up a lot to him because he's helping train her."

"She's been told about grandparents from Olivia, who treats John like he is."

"She's got a mouth on her too.  She told Dean he needed to get married before his titties got floppy."  She cackled and nodded.  "I can't handle that.  I don't know how to not be horrified and punish her.  Xander just cackles with Dean about it."

"Dean and Sam got raised by a very lax parent because John had to be.  He had to leave them alone when he fought demons.  Dean did a lot of raising of Sam by what he's said in the past.  Xander was basically raised by Willow from what he's said.  I doubt that she was very strict of a parent."

"No, not likely."  He considered that and shrugged.  "They're not letting her run wild in the least.  She and Xander had a long talk about her running away from Tara.  I had no idea how to handle that."

"He probably did a bit of it himself."

"Probably," he sighed.  "I'm still lost.  I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a father.  It's simpler with Shannon and Brad, even with them being behind."

"Actually, we were going to talk to you about that.  You know how Olivia hated to walk around you?"  She smiled.  He groaned and shook his head.  "Shannon said that you liked her little when I asked while she was using baby toys instead of bigger girl toys."

"Jesus," he muttered.  "I'm screwing them up."

"You're not.  Think of it like you're stuck in a moment.  You rewound to what you did with Olivia."  He nodded at that.  "But they're not Olivia.  They have different needs and they have different wants.  Shannon only likes books that read to her.  I talked to Kinella and Faith about that issue and Kinella said she was never a huge reader either.  That she hated school for the most part.  So did Faith.  I'm guessing Buffy wasn't Brainy Smurf either."

"No, Willow used to cheat for her thanks to patrol."

"Did she do the same for Xander?"  Daniel shook his head slowly.  "I think maybe there's some brainwashing there too.  I've heard Xander describe himself as normal and emphasize it as if it's a bad thing."

"That was their thing, yeah."

"And you got it too maybe?"

He considered it.  "I let them do it to me so I didn't have to hunt as much.  I kept trying to pull Willow back to emergencies only."

"Again, a huge change that you had to work your way though.  But I am very happy that you've never badmouthed their mother to them, even for her addiction problems.  That you've never talked about her addiction problems with the kids or freaked out about their skills."

"It does freak me out some but Olivia is good about not using it around me.  She realizes that."  She smiled and nodded.  "Damn it!"

"You can work that out, Daniel.  It's a normal reaction to having your kid suddenly start to sprout things that you don't understand.  Though she will never have that problem.  She's got the coven making sure of it, her aunt and uncle, and the Winchesters.  If she even steps toward that line someone's going to correct it."

"True," he agreed, relaxing again.  "The other two don't like to use it."

"You can't compare them.  In some ways, Olivia is like an adopted child to you."  Daniel nodded.  "But you can both adjust and get used to it.  She's done a lot to make you more comfortable.  I watched you guys that day in the park.  She turned into a fussing mommy sort for you and when Xander showed up she was a lot more independent and just telling the other kids things instead of nudging them toward them.  We had a talk about that and she said that you needed more help with them."

"I do.  Maybe a nanny?"

"You can't afford one right now," she reminded him.  He sighed but nodded.  "You will work it out as a family.  Even if there's some rough patches, it'll happen.  We all know it'll happen.  Consider Xander a teaching tool and a seatbelt.  He's there in case you crash and burn but it's really not his job to do all this.  He's showing you how to do it and it's not exactly your method so you'll have to adapt some and change some of his to suit your own methods.  Each parent does it differently because each kid is different.  Brad's going to turn into a thug if someone doesn't stop him some day soon.  He's been picking on Shannon, who only pouts back."

"John caught him this morning and swatted him good for it.  He went on a wailing fit that woke Olivia and me up.  She glared at him and told him to quit being a jackass then huffed off back to bed."  She grinned.  "John grounded her for the day for her mouth, again."

"She hasn't had much acting out.  This is all stressful for her too, Daniel.  She's used to Xander encouraging her and mildly spoiling her.  Olivia asks them questions and expects them to dumb down the adult answers for her.  Tara's taught her how to be a good being by taking her to donate things and help other kids in need."  He nodded.  "She's not much spoiled beyond wanting to be pretty and have a huge library."

"I know and I like that but ...  Is she acting out because of all this?"  She nodded.  "Because she can't adapt?"

"Because now you're putting different pressures on her to be like the girls you grew up around.  You'd love her to be a sweet, doll carrying, house playing little girl and she's not exactly like that.  She doesn't fit into your mental image of what a girl should be and she realizes that stresses you out and you're struggling, and it's putting pressure on her to conform to ideals that everyone else around her thinks are wrong for her, so she's reacting out of stress.  She's a very brilliant girl but she's still only three.  It's not like she can tell you off for not wanting to go to the American Girl store."

"Shannon loved that."

"Shannon loves dolls.  She's been growing into a much more traditional girl.  Though her dolls all have weapons."  Daniel shuddered.  "That's part of her reality.  The slayer essence is prompting her to take precautions and she's doing what she knows how to do."  She got up and found a tape, popping it in her player and turning on the tv.  "This was her last session with me."  They sat down and watched her playing with the dolls and the counselor asking her about them.  One of the dolls sounded a lot like what Daniel expected girls to be but with Faith's weapons.  He was slumped down and disappointed.  "She's trying really hard to fit into that narrow mold of what a girl should be.  Though she does like dolls and lace and all that stuff.  Olivia encourages that because she knows it makes you happy."

Daniel looked at her.  "I'm an absolute fuck up with this."

"You are not.  You expect her to be like your sisters."

"My sisters kicked my bum all around the farm."

"While your mom encouraged them to play with dolls.  We repeat our own childhoods with changes for what we believe was wrong with them.  How many times did your mom yell at your sisters to quit doing boy things?"

"A lot," he realized.  "I'm turning into my own Ma," he realized, shaking his head quickly.  "How do I stop that?"

"You're doing a good job of it.  You need to relax and let the kids be whoever they want to be.  That means if Shannon wants a career she can have one.  If Olivia wants a PhD she can get one, and I think Xander needs to quit being so pushy about the college thing for a while.  He's gone a bit overboard with the 'you'll do great things for humanity' lectures a few times but she knows that she's special, has special gifts, and that means that she should use them to help others or do something that's going to help others some other way.

"Xander realized he had gotten a bit pushy about wanting her to go to medical school or something like that when she started to pout about it.  In that, he's taking a cue from John Winchester with what he's realized he kept from Sam.  Almost everyone is looking at Olivia like a little Sam and Xander baby.  Shannon like a little Dean and Xander baby.  Brad like a little Dean baby because they're going to be a lot alike I think.  And you're looking at them like a man of your generation, where girls did certain things and had families or careers and things were much more segregated by gender thanks to the religious underpinnings of your home.  I'd hate to have seen what John would've done to a daughter."

Daniel considered that and nodded.  "Then how do I fix it before I ruin 'em?"

"For now, relax.  Just let it flow like water over river stones.  Correct the big things that are dangerous.  Correct Olivia's swearing gently because that's the one of the few ways she has of releasing her frustration.  If she was older, you'd have to deal with a teen pregnancy or other issues."  Daniel shuddered.  "Some day you'll be a grandfather."

He shook his head.  "I wasn't sure I'd live long enough to have kids."

She smiled.  "Most guys aren't."  He relaxed again.  "Just take it in a very zen-like manner.  Correct the highly bad things and let the rest go.  If Shannon wants dolls who have weapons, let her.  If Brad wants dolls that have weapons, let him."  He grimaced.  "Some boys do like to play with dolls.  Especially if they have sisters that show him dolls are cool and he can act out things with them."  She put in another tape and let him see Brad playing with the dolls.

He was acting out a morning in the house and it was hilarious.  Olivia's doll had a book over her head the whole time.  Shannon's was shoveling in all the food at the table and Brad was sneaking stuff off her plate or begging Grandpa for it.  Then the Xander doll and the Peter doll came in and it changed.  Olivia put down the book.  Shannon suddenly started to share.  Brad got to be meaner but got pouted at by his sisters so he quit.  It was hilarious watching it but it was pretty realistic too.  He looked at her.  "Totally unprompted," she said quietly.  "I left him alone with the dolls to see what he'd do."

"It does look a lot like the mornings recently, though Olivia's been trying to help cook."

"She knows that's what a big sister or mommy figure does according to you."

He slumped.  "No, she's not old enough to take care of anyone but herself and barely that.  She's still working on potty training, that's hard enough."

She smiled.  "She's mostly got that covered for now.  We talked about how hard it was and how hard it was to realize that she had to go.  I've talked to the doctor about that and they're going to do a short-term medicine to help her with that since she's got some bladder leakage beyond that."

"Like old women?"

"It's not that uncommon.  The muscles down there aren't used all that much in kids."

"Good point I guess.  Is she too young?"

"No.  I know a good many kids who are potty trained fully by her age."

"I was five."

"She's got to have it soon because the next room in her daycare will be expecting her to be or the other kids could pick on her."

"I like her daycare," he admitted.

"So does she."  She smiled.  "Missy's a good, normal role model for her too.  She has a decent job, does for herself, isn't overly hyper on the magic thing.  Missy's her normal person view along with the detectives and Rick Castle."

He nodded.  "Her Ma's not normal and I guess the rest of us can say the same thing because of the demon thing."

She nodded.  "Basically."

Daniel stood up.  "Thanks."

"Make an appointment with our therapist, Daniel.  It'll help.  She can help talk to Olivia too so she has somewhere to get out that frustration."

He nodded, going to do that.

***

Xander looked down at his kid, and Olivia was so his sometimes.  "I want to try something."

"Why?" she asked, looking up at him.  "Is it naughty?"

"No.  I want to see if you guys want to do some art."

"Art?" John Winchester asked from the couch.  "Like art therapy art?"

"No, like self expression art."  He stared at her.  "Get dressed.  We're going to an art store."  She ran off to do that.  He looked at Shannon.  "While we're gone, make Grandpa read to you."  She beamed and got him a book.  Xander got her another one that had dolls.  She adored that and squealed, hugging him.  He grinned.  "Your mother did that same thing sometimes."  She beamed and cuddled in with Grandpa.  Brad was napping on the coffee table and they all enjoyed that since he had been hyper all morning with Dean.

Olivia came down putting on her jacket and gloves.  "Good job."  He took her down to the car and put her in her seat, then got in to drive.  He had picked a good art store online and were more hippy artists and real artists instead of poser or art student artists.  He walked her in there and to the counter.  "Can you help my niece?" he asked quietly.

"Sure."  She followed them back into the shelves.  "She's very young."

"She's got a bit of thinking to do about a lot of stuff," he said, looking down at Olivia.  "I think you can do art like I do writing."

Olivia looked awed.  "Really?"  He nodded.  She looked at the older woman.  "How do I do that?"

"Well, let's start by picking a way.  Do you like to paint, draw, play with clay?"  She nodded, still staring in awe.  "Then let's look at the kid's section."  She smiled at Xander.  "I know who you are."  He grinned.  "A bit of art is a great thing in any life."

"I'm horrible at it or I would've retreated there years ago.  I know she likes to take pictures with my camera phone."  He showed her the last few.  All of the ponies in the park.

"Huh.  That's actually a pretty decent job at her age.  My nieces only took pictures of their thumbs."  She grinned and found a few things.  "Let's start with a few simple things.  You're still doing crayons, right?"

"I'm working very hard to stay in the lines."

"That takes years of practice," Xander assured her.  "It did for me and your mom.  She couldn't do that until third grade."

"Wow."  She looked at her.  "I like colors.  They're pretty."

"Cool.  So let's maybe do some free form coloring," she said, grabbing a large box of crayons that held almost every single color.  Olivia got two more.  "For your sister and brother?"

"Brother might eat them but yeah."

Xander changed one out to a bigger set.  "For Brad.  His hand can't grip something that small yet.  Also, her room has a whiteboard we've only tacked pictures on."

"Hmm."  She nodded and got a few markers and an eraser.  Then she got them the painting kits.  "These," she said, squatting down to show her.  "Are premade and you paint them."  She looked at Olivia.  "Then your uncle bakes them in the oven to set the paint."  Olivia nodded, taking it to look over.  "You can do that at a table and paint it whatever colors you want.  There's all sorts of pre-made forms.  Those are the simpler ones so you can practice but at the bigger levels there's things like carousel horses," she said with a point.  "And later on you can do paint-by-numbers if you like that sort of thing."  Olivia squealed and hugged her.  She patted her.  "So want to try that and maybe some clay?"  She smiled and nodded.  "Cool."  Xander found the clay and got a lot of it.  "Get the other stuff.  That's not good if it's eaten."  Xander did that and found some playdough for Brad, earning a smile.  "Always safer with the little ones."

"He'll work his way up to clay animals."  He smiled at Olivia.  "Those paintable things, when you're ready, can also be presents.  I'm sure Alexis would love one when you're ready to show them off."

She beamed and nodded.  "I'd like that.  It'd make her happy."

"It would," the sales clerk agreed with a smile.  They checked them out and went to pick up a kiddy card table set.  She grinned.  The girl was going to pounce on art so hard.  It was good for her.

***

Xander set up the card table and then the chairs, pointing at the organizer cabinet he had put up in their corner by the stairs.  There was also a thick plastic mat underneath it.  "Okay," he said, showing her things.  "This is your art area for you three.  John, here," he said, handing him stuff for Brad.  "Safer for little kids who still stick things in their mouths."

"Sure."  He got Brad sitting down and showed him how to use the playdough while Xander showed Olivia how to use the clay.  Shannon came over after her nap and got involved too.  They all enjoyed that.  Olivia quit acting like the little mommy and just enjoyed herself with her siblings.  They were all learning something new together.  John smiled.  "Art is a good way of playing and working things out."

"Plus the clay strengthens little fingers," he said, grinning at Brad, who beamed back and held up his playdough snake.  "Very nice, Brad."  He beamed and smashed it then made it into something only he knew what it was.  Xander put the three hand-made labels on each of the cabinets.  "Shannon, this is your cabinet," he said with a point.  "See, that's your name.  You can use anything in there if you want to."  She beamed and nodded.  "The next one is Olivia's and then Brad's.  He's got special stuff for littler kids.  So let him have his.  Okay?"  She beamed and nodded.  He grinned at Olivia.  Who beamed back.

Daniel came in with a few bags.  "I bought new berries.  Is that clay?"

"Yup," Xander said.  "This way they're all learning something new together and they have things that they can express themselves with."  He looked at Daniel.  "So they're not having to hide things."

"So when I'm frustruated I can come draw it out," Olivia said, looking at him.  "Daddy needs art stuff too."

"I got him some extra crayons," Xander said with a wink.  She beamed and nodded, getting back to her clay.

Daniel stared at him.  "I hadn't even thought about that."

"I didn't either until I wrote a character using art as therapy to get over something."  Daniel grinned.  Xander grinned back.  "Plus they're learning together."

"That's a great idea.  What about the Treasury stuff?"

"They can't lock the overseas accounts and I'm pretty well living out of one of them.  I had my financial guy put all the stuff here into safe investments and made sure they're not going to be able to fuss over any ready access funds.  The stuff out of the country is easier anyway."  Daniel nodded.  "My financial guy set it up to deal with all this stress before I started to throw a fit.  Again."

"I had hoped we would have fixed it," Peter admitted as he came down the stairs.  "Ah, many clay animals.  Mickey used to make them to cheer Nicholas up whenever he was sick."  Olivia beamed at him.  He took a kiss from Xander.  "Can they protest cabin?" he asked quietly.

"No, I bought it long before that judge's half-brother got him to piss me off."  They shared a look.  "And if so, I'm moving next to General Jack again."  Peter snickered.  "The leftover Initiative guys so freaked over that.  That's why I got that cabin instead of the one I bought in Colorado."  Peter smiled and nodded at that.  "All that's on file.  Even Agent Philips has had enough of their petty plays for power.  He suggested I start working to take out certain clans."  He took another kiss with a grin.  "It's going to be a bit chilly so pack that blue sweater?"

"I can do so."  He smiled.  Brad ran over to show them something.  "That is very nice, Brad.  Very pretty."  He beamed and ran back.  He smiled.  "Nice carpet protection."

"Olivia has paint too."

"That is very handy."  Daniel looked and stared at him.

"I can paint those to be pretty any way I want and then Uncle Xander bakes them.  Then I can give them as presents when I'm good enough and am ready to," Olivia said, staring at him.  "Alexis would like something pretty for her room when she goes to college."

"I'm sure she would," he agreed, kissing her on the head.  She beamed and relaxed.  "There's a lot of them."

"I can practice to see how to paint and then do some," she said.  "There's really fancy ones, like horsies and things."

"Wow."  He patted her and settled in on the fourth side of the table to help them.  They all enjoyed that.  "Xander, do we think Brad's doing okay on the boy stuff?"

"I think he's got three other pack members at daycare that love to pick on him and be picked back at.  He's good on boy stuff, even if he is surrounded by girls.  Just look how I did."  He smirked.

"Good point.  I had a younger brother to bedevil and be a boy around."

"He gets plenty of boy time.  Even Rick got in some boy time with him because he missed having a son."  He shrugged.  "They went out to the garden plot we have and found frogs."

"No frogs in my garden," Olivia complained.  "Eww!"

"It'll be fine and frogs are part of nature," Xander said patiently.

"So?"

"They eat bugs," Peter said.

"Bugs are grosser than frogs so I guess that's all right," she sighed.  Kinella came off the elevator with a bag.  "Come see, Kinella."

She came over to look.  "Aww, that's real pretty, kids."  They all smiled at her.  "Good job."  She handed Xander the bag.  "The weapons.  Faith ordered me to bring them back before I stole your bat'leth."  She rolled her eyes.  Xander hugged her and she bounded over to play with the kids too.  Brad scowled but his daddy got him and it was better.

Xander found the carrying cases for his special ones and checked them over before putting them up.

Shannon oohed and ran over to look at his bat'leth.  "Shiny," she said in awe.  She looked at her uncle and smiled.  "Me?"

"When you're older I'll teach you how to use one."  She beamed and kissed it then ran back to the clay animals.  Xander grinned.

"I like that thing too," Kinella told her.  "Klingons are cool warriors."  She beamed and nodded back.  Then Kinella showed her how to make clay elephants.

Olivia watched and did the same thing with some help from the slayer auntie.  It was very hard but anything hard like that made her smarter and therefore prettier so she'd learn and have fun with it.  Then she'd get to paint.

Xander put his weapons in the office for now.  They could go back into storage later or tomorrow.  All the kids knew not to touch his weapons even if Shannon did covet them.  Sometimes John even let her pet them like they were the cats.

***

Xander looked around the cabin their first night there.  "It's a lot more quiet without the kids."

"It is."  Peter was watching him instead of the fireplace.  He knew Xander was a bit worried about them not having the buffer zone of the baby.  He had been at first too.  He pulled him closer.  "Within months it will be golf season again.  We will need to check clubs."

Xander grinned.  "I need a new putter."

"Is that arrangement from overseas accounts working out?"

"Yes and the Treasury people still hate me."

"We have filed second lawsuit against them."  Xander melted against his side.  He kissed him on the temple.  "We need music."

"We do."  He heard a car.  "Though it's handy."  He got up and went to the door, finding the sheriff there.  "Did I forget to pay my property taxes?"

"No, sir.  Is this your place?"  Xander nodded.  "We have an agent who says it's not."

"I have a lawsuit against them for trying that shit."  He leaned in the door.  "I bought this cabin years ago.  Before the problem that they seem to think happened."  The agent got out of his own car.  "Oh, hey, it's you and I'm still not allowed to shoot you."

"This is...."

"I bought this before that inheritance issue."

"What?" he asked.  "No you didn't.  You bought one in Colorado."

"Which was transferred to the former Initiative people who outed the SGC.  I got this one in exchange because they panicked when I met General O'Neill."

"Ummmm....."  He called his boss.  "The boss said that's not legal."

"Yes it is.  Agents in Homeland did it," Xander said dryly.  "For that matter, you're trespassing without a warrant."  The sheriff moaned.  "I'm going to have a demon clan eat you and your whole family for it."  He smiled.

"Calm down," Peter ordered.  He came to the door.  "My husband is correct, there is lawsuit and a very nice restraining order that you have not honored."

"We're the government," the agent said.

"No, you're a demon cocksucker," Xander corrected.  "I can see the offering mark from here, dude.  Step onto the property, I dare you."  He did and screamed in pain.  Xander smiled at the sheriff.  "I have it warded so demons can't come onto it.  Apparently he's more than offered."

"I have that note in town because one of the deputies is a halfie," he admitted.  "You're a hunter?"

"Xander Harris," he said, holding out a hand.

"Oh, shit," he muttered.  "You're gay?"

"Yeah."  He smiled back at Peter then at him again.  "We married about seven months ago."

"Huh.  That one?"

"I don't care," Xander admitted.  "They're pissing me off.  They're pissing me off enough that I'm not going to tell anyone about the next vision I have about an apocalypse."  The demon agent stared at him.  "So you'd better hope Sam Winchester is more forgiving.  Because I could care less at the moment."  He smiled. Peter was stroking his back.  "You all have fun with that shit."

"You can't do that.  You're not a seer."

"Look my ass up, demon.  I'm in the database."  He did and then let out a shriek of outrage.  "Which also means that you've broken the treaties."  Xander stared  him down.  "I wasn't going to be punitive.  I was going to let the law work itself out.  Unfortunately you kept pressing your luck."  He stared at him.  He called on something.  It appeared and winced, stepping off the property line.  "He's violating the treaties.  He's outright broken most of them."

"Your house above the warehouse is safe," he offered.

Xander smirked.  "I'm not going to keep telling people about visions.  After all, Willow Rosenburg raised me not to really care about a whole lot of humanity.  The drunks surely wouldn't care."  The demon gaped, staring at him.  He pointed at the demon staring at his PDA.  The demon took it and moaned in horror.  "Usually I get stalkers who make that noise.  Peter, can you get me a weapon?"

"I'm sure it is not necessary to kill them in front of sheriff," he said calmly.  He gave Xander a visual order to calm down.  Xander kissed him and smiled.

The demon looked at them.  "How did you get a do not touch rating before you left Sunnydale?"

"Was that because Angel offered me to Spike as a ruse, the stuff with Anya, or one of my other drooling stalker members?"

The demon stared at him.  "You're not that Harris."

"I am that Harris unless you made me a clone."

He walked over and tested him.  "No taint."

"I had to remove us from Russia the other day before they shot us."

He tested again.  The hellmouth markers were there.  Subdued but there.  So were a few other ones.  There were protection marks from some of the highest of the high.  "We're screwed," he said.

"Yes, someone is, because the Treasury keeps fucking with me.  Including my cabin here."

The demon snickered then looked at the agent.  "Leave him the fuck alone!"

"He can't be him!"

Xander pulled out his wallet and the Sunnydale ID he carried, walking it over to hold up.  "Really?  I was the only one in town."  The agent took it to look at and winced, tossing it down and stomping off.  "The treaties are still broken," Xander noted.  "Which means I get to attack now."  He stared at him.  "All I want is left alone.  Not like you're not causing your own problems.  I have no idea why you're causing your own problems but I'm so sick of it."  He picked up his ID and put it back.  "Anything else you wanted to discuss?"

"All hunters will die," he sneered.

Xander considered it then looked inside at the transport ring.  He walked in and through then came back with something in his hand.  He held it up.  "I still guard the warehouse, dude."  The agent started to babble, backing up.  "It's the one thing I've put in there."

"That should be in a shrine," the higher demon said, backing away slowly.  Xander grinned.  "Oh, damn.  We heard it was looted after the earthquake."

"That was right after I got given the warehouse and I thought it needed protecting."

"Actually, it may be pulling attacks at you since it's a chaos artifact," the higher demon said, backing up a bit more.

"Yeah but most Chaos gods love me."  He grinned.  "I am a force of chaos, or at least I was when I was younger."  He bounced it in his hands a few more times.

"No!  Don't break it!" he shouted.  Two senior demons, higher than the Oracles, appeared.  He fell to his knees.  "This is the Warehouse's Guardian."

"They broke the damn treaties," Xander said simply.

"Yes, they did," they agreed.  "You have not helped."

Xander smiled.  "I only react.  I never attack first."

They stared at him and one put up a shiny thing that showed them his life going by very quickly.  "Shit," he said, making the lesser demons and the sheriff flinch.  The sheriff actually reached for a gun.  He looked at Xander.  "It was wise to hide that."

"I thought it needed protected."

"It did," the other agreed.

Whistler, the Powers That Be's mouthpiece, showed up.  "We wondered who was hiding that."

"I thought it needed protected since they moved it to the hellmouth," Xander said dryly.

The higher ones looked at Whistler.  Who shrugged.  He didn't have orders, he was butting in to see what was going on with the sudden power spike.  Whistler looked at him.  "Whoever holds that or opens that has the powers of the Highest of the Deeper Well at his disposal."

"Which is why I'm not breaking it," Xander said.  "I'll gladly let them take it and hide it somewhere other than a hellmouth if they'll quit screwing with me.  By the way, are you guys replacing Cordy's visions with someone else?  If not, Sam and I are really tired of a lot of problems."

Whistler stared at him.  "That's not ethical."

"I was raised by drunks and Willow.  The only person I'd listen to about that would be my spouse."  He pointed back at Peter.  "And he's kinda tired of some of them too."

"Um....."  Whistler disappeared and came back with a velvet lined box.  Xander put the artifact into it.  Whistler shut it.  "Thanks, I was getting a tan, kid.  No, there's no plans for a third seer again.  Just you and Winchester until you die.  The slayers will still get theirs."  Xander stared at him.  "You used to have ethics."

"When?"

"Back in Sunnydale?"

"You mean like when I lied to Buffy so she could handle Angel and not angst or lose?"

Whistler walked over to check that incident.  He got a much better read of the kid, especially over the last few attempts to use him to cause harm.  The other higher ones held a conference and Whistler butted in.  "We will be remaking the treaties," Whistler announced.

"Okay," Xander agreed, leaning against the doorway.

"We will be stopping those that have plans against you," one of the higher demons said.

The other coughed.  "You put them on the vision site."

"Yes I have.  That's as far as I'm going to go too.  Mostly because of the last few times you guys tried to use me to start an apocalypse.  We do realize that I got given more than one nuclear device, right?  I was nice and handed them over."

"Who else gave you one?" Peter asked.

Xander smirked back at him.  "Same guy."  Peter rolled his eyes.  "Apparently he thought I was that hot in bed."

"You are but very pissed off and this is vacation."

"I'd love to have one, but like that time they used me to out demonkind to start an apocalypse, I don't want to deal with this.  So therefore I'm shortcutting the process to end this attempt now.  Before it gets one of the kids dead."

"They need a sibling," Whistler said bluntly.

"Willow was pregnant when they got shut in."

"Good!"

"I've also asked Daniel if I can adopt them as my heirs.  In my paperwork I have them as my heirs, them and his nephew Mickey.  I need to add Nicholas, Peter, can you remind me?"

"Of course.  Who does warehouse go to if we die?"

"Right now, it either goes to John Sheppard and/or Rodney McKay, or to Dean.  They hated that Sam might get it because so many want him as their consort, again because they had plans and used a human for them without their consent."

Whistler shuddered.  "No, the warehouse cannot go to Winchester, either one.  Just as many want Dean.  A lot of demons get you two mixed up, kid."

"Dean says he's cuter."  Xander grinned.  "So, what do the Powers want?"

"You to calm down."

"I'd love to."

The demons got to talking and suddenly plans started to unravel.  "The treasury demons have been told their plan is stopped," one said.  "Their whole plan has been outed to an agent you know and have worked with so they can stop this plot.  They were going to make you react in a way that would end all hunters and then they could take over control of the US from there in the middle of the hunter extermination campaign."

Whistler nodded.  "Wolfram and Hart's remaining people on other demon realms have been stopped as well, Kid.  One of the ones from the Light's demonic law firm will be showing up next week with the new treaties to look over."  They shrugged.  "Thank you for trying to stay calm."

"I could've brought any of the weapons that're stored in there.  By the way, General O'Neill is really upset that he's still having to come retrieve things from his program.  Are you guys fucking with them too so we fall to the alien menaces?"

The three higher demons all looked at each other and one moaned.  "We will exempt most of their project unless it is critical and dangerous."

"Our Wills will be done," the other said firmly and all demon planes heard the chimes of a new order of laws being made.  Then suddenly everything on this plane untensed.  The demons plotting the overthrow of the US got found out.  The ones trying Xander found out what they were doing.

Whistler looked at him.  "Have a good vacation, boys.  You need it.  Peter, he'll always get this tense when he figures out someone is trying to use him to cause harm.  And no, he's right, Rosenburg raised him.  He's got some flexible ethics and you're a good balance to him.  Part of the treaty will be that we will not interfere with your relationship again.  The few that have tried are really sorry."  They disappeared.  The treasury demon disappeared too.

The sheriff looked at Xander.  "I can warn you that some won't like you two being too gay together."

Xander shrugged.  "I love artillery.  You can tell them that if you want."  He grinned.

"I can do that," he decided.  "The others that show up here?"

"I let Winchester sort of hunters break their paths here if they need a resting spot.  All the protections mean it's safe if they're injured."

"Excellent.  Even if that sort are a bit weird."  He walked off.  "Have a good honeymoon, boys."  He went back to the office to make a report and then get real drunk.

Peter turned Xander around.  "If you tell me these things, I will help."

"If I had told you, they would've pressed harder and tried to kill you again.  I stopped one trying last week.  That mugger had a poisoned touch."  Peter winced.  Xander nodded.  "Which is when I figured it out.  Before I thought it was just demons being assholes because of me helping slayers."

Peter kissed him.  "We will calm down.  We will cuddle."  Xander beamed and pounced him for a hug.  "I am learning more about your scary side and I want to know more about your intense side of other matters."  Xander grinned and suggested something totally dirty in Russian, making Peter cackle.  "Other sides beyond the sexual one.  We do not talk as much anymore."

"Ask me anything," he said with a slight grin.  Peter took him back inside to talk about things.  Even the scary Xander turned him on in ways he hadn't realized he had buttons for.  Clearly he had met his match.  Even when Olivia called to check on them and interrupted his flirting it was fine.  Yes, that was a clear sign he was where he belonged and Xander would have to kill him to get rid of him.  Which was just fine with Xander too apparently with the way he got loved into the couch once he had hung up.

The End.

Chapter 36: Talking About Things

There's some...problems.  Issues too.  So everyone has to have their say and help.

John Sheppard looked up as a demon appeared in his gateroom on Atlantis.  "That's an amazing trip," he said as he came out, gun already in hand.  "How in the fuck did you get here?"

The demon stared at him.  "I represent the highest of high on both sides," he said simply.  "I am here to end two things that are cursing some of your people and to inform you of something."  He stared at him.  "The Guardian of the Warehouse has nominated you to follow him."

"What guardian of what warehouse?" Ronon asked as he joined John.

"Xander," John guessed.  The demon smiled and nodded.  "Why me?"

"Because otherwise it would got to a Winchester and too many of the wrong sort want them to be used.  As the treaties that govern the peacefulness of the warehouse were broken after millennia in service we had to remake them.  Both sides have agreed, mostly because they do not want the present Guardian or his husband to come kill them."

"That's always a wise thing," John agreed.  "What were they doing this time?"

"A group who plotted to overthrow your country by pressuring the Guardian to open the hunting world more.  That would lead to mass hunting of the hunters and they would take control of your country at that time as a stepping stone to greater power.  Unfortunately they tried both Guardians and the original one got very upset that they tried to kill his husband.  He nearly opened a vessel that has absolute power to decreate humanity over it."

"That sounds like Xander on a rip, yeah," John admitted.  "So why me?"

"He trusts you.  We *all* trust you, on both sides.  You are the primary heir, though you may bring in the Great Loud One to either aide you, co-manage with you, or be your heir."

"Magic would drive McKay nuts," Ronon said.  "He might destroy everyone trying to figure it out."

"Perhaps."  He smiled at John again.  "May I remove the two curses?"

"I want to know what they are and if they've kicked into effect up here," John said firmly.

"Of course.  That is well within my duties."  He handed over the scroll.  "A copy of the treaties for you to go over, Heir."  He found the two curses and made them both appear.  "It appears that they have had decent effects up here instead of the ones on Earth would."

"If they're giving them help, it's up to them to have them removed.  Will there be a backlash or balancing of their luck?" John asked.

"Not usually though up here the rules are a bit different."  He tested each one again and showed them how it had helped.  Also who had cursed them.

"I hate my mother-in-law," one muttered.  The other snickered, his had been a former girlfriend.  "No, it's saved mine and my team's life.  It can stay.  Can I have it removed when I go back to earth?"

"You would have to get the vengeance demons that did it to do so and that would kill them."

"Then they can stay, even if it does kill us as soon as we get home," the other said.  The demon nodded and left them alone.  "Sir?"

"I got named the heir to the mystical warehouse that steals stuff from the base," he said dryly.  They cackled because only Sheppard or McKay could do that.  "Any other cheery news?"

The demon smiled.  "Olivia and her siblings' prophecies are being negated so they are not the end of humanity.  The Guardian has also warped one that would have changed the slayer lines by being born male."

"That still sounds like Xander, yup.  Thanks for the good news."

"You are most welcome."  He bowed and left.

The scientists got to take readings from that spot now instead of from the walls.  McKay walked over, staring at John.  "Why me?"

"Xander guards it."

"Oh, that makes perfect sense," he complained.

"He doesn't know too many people he could trust to hide things that could end the world.  I consider that a compliment."

"Me as well."  He grimaced.  "We should still go thump him."

John smiled.  "Maybe we'll show up on their next signing trip.  He was saying he'd get to go this upcoming summer with Peter.  Though they've decided not to go to England thanks to the Council."

Rodney snorted.  "I hate those cranks."

"They may all be gone now," John offered.  "Xander's last email said that they tried to take Olivia's sister so her father showed up with SO-19, a few detectives, a social worker, and then they destroyed most of the building.  Xander brought a hand unit he found in the warehouse to help with that."  Rodney shuddered.  "Oh, yeah.  He even let Daniel do most of the destroying."  He grinned.

"Then they're probably all gone.  I would've destroyed them down to the molecular level for touching any hypothetical children I may ever have."  He shook his head quickly.  "Hold on, siblings?"

"They managed to get Daniel and Olivia's little brother and sister free of that realm.  They managed to get three of the LA team off another realm they had been sent to and Connor off a third.  Buffy and Willow, plus whatever she's pregnant with are still trapped."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "She's probably a very good big sister."

"He said she is but he was also complaining that Daniel's having problems being the dad at the moment.  They're all getting used to being here instead of there and the adjustment hasn't always been smooth.  Plus, Olivia has a Twitter feed."

Rodney looked confused.  "Isn't she ...three or so now?"  John nodded with a grin.  "Why?"

"They thought she was brilliant when she was talking about how Xander needed a wedding dress."  He took Rodney's tablet to get into his own email and show him the video Xander had sent him.  Rodney cackled and shook his head.  "That's why she's on Twitter.  Someone thought it was adorable."

"I definitely agree."  He took it back.  "Treaty?"  John read it and grimaced but handed it over.  "It's nice they won't screw with us when it's our turn," he said dryly, handing it back and going to shoo the scientists away from the demon essence readings.

John went back to his office.  That was too weird, even by Xander standards. It only got weirder during the email update they had that night.  In that one it said that they were getting a special, helpful creature who loved wraith.  The fact that General O'Neill had sent the film made him less than skeptical about it but it being a flying monkey that was ripping apart the wraith they had captive on earth was really weird.  Even by Xander, SGC, or any other scale.

"Rodney?" he called.  He came in with a packet of painkilling pills.  "Thank you."  He let him see the email.  Rodney read with a frown then watched the video.  Rodney walked off rubbing his own head mumbling about bursting blood veins and maybe even tumors being responsible for him having seen that.  Woolsey came in and he let him see the video.  He got that same headache look.

So it was universal, Xander was too warped now.

Clearly the husband needed to work harder to make him sane.  John sent that back to him.

***

Xander got woken up by the vision this time, which was not usual.  He grabbed his phone while he was still panting in pain, calling home.  "Check Olivia's room, Daniel.  Is she there?"  Daniel sounded confused but went to check.  "No, vision, she's trying to pop to the cabin."  Peter rubbed his back, making him calm down.  "Please.  She's got a GPS chip in her jacket, the one she wears to daycare.  She doesn't know that but John put it in for me."  He listened, laying back down and letting Peter hold him.  He calmed down his blood pressure spike from waking up that way and Peter worked on his neck and shoulders so the headache would ease.  "Thank you, Peter."

"Baby should not do that."  He heard Daniel's complaining about 'Willow losing her eff-ing mind' and smiled.  "Not the only one."

"No, she's not the only one that would."  John got woken up with Dean and Sam.  Sam had an idea where she was. He called the police there while John and Dean searched the warehouse in case.  "No, I'm pretty sure she popped off, Daniel.  It's not like she could be running out for berries from the local market."  He rubbed his forehead again.  "I don't know.  I didn't get that part but I'm going to be asking her.  No, I'll get her.  You stay with the other two.  She'll talk to me where she won't you right now."  Sam reported that someone had found her and taken her to the ER.  The officers quit trying to arrest him for it too.

"How far?  Thank you."  He hung up and Sam texted the phone number of the person he had been speaking to for him to use.  He called them.  "This is Alexander Harris.  Olivia is my niece and I have custody of her.  How is she?  No, she's a little mini witch and she's apparently running away from home at the moment.  No I'm on vacation.  Where are you guys?"  He sighed.  "That's within two hours.  I'll be right there with my spouse.  Thank you."  He hung up and got up.  Peter followed.  Xander turned and kissed him.  "I have no idea what is going on," he said quietly.

"Most likely Daniel said something that upset her again," he said, giving him a hug.  "We will deal with it and paddle her for attempting such a feat."

"Yes, we will be.  There's no way that doesn't deserve a spanking."  He got dressed and Peter took the keys.  Xander used his phone to get directions.  Then they were off.

***

Xander walked into the ER and the sheriff nodded at him.  "My niece?"

"She's got a blistering headache."

"Her ass is about to match it," he said bluntly.  "I have no idea where she got that idea but damn it!"

The sheriff smiled.  "Some kids run away when things get tough."

"No, there's a longer story there.  Her father's just now back from another realm."

"I heard."  He pointed.  "She's in there and you can't spank her in the hospital."

"It'd probably kill her with the backlash migraine she's got."  He walked in there and the nurse glared at him.  He stared back.  "Are you trying healing spells?" he asked bluntly.

"No, checking her magical core.  It's a bit weakened."

"I have no idea why she tried that in the first place.  Or how she managed to get this far from New York."

The nurse winced.  "Must've been bad."

"Maybe.  I don't know.  I haven't talked to Daniel yet."  She winced.  "I got woken up with a vision about her doing this though."  He tapped her on the head, getting blinked at.  "You are in *so* deep even your mommy couldn't swim that stream."  She sniffled.  "We'll be talking once you can see straight, Olivia."  He cuddled her.  She calmed down.  "I love you but you're so spanked for this."

"Wanted you," she sniffled.

"I noticed.  You could've been hurt or killed.  There's no way in hell you're getting out of trouble this time."  She pouted but nodded, curling up against his chest.  The doctor came in with a social worker.  "I have custody.  The judge hasn't returned it to her father since he's just now back."

"We got the paperwork faxed," the social worker admitted.  "What happened?"

"I don't know yet.  I wanted to hear her side and reasons before I asked her father."  He looked at her.  "Well?"  She whispered something and then snuggled in again.  He huffed and looked at Peter, who took his phone and the social worker to talk to Daniel.  "Advil, bananas, and water?" he guessed.

"She's a bit anemic as well."

"She loves fruit and veggies but we have some leftover steak at home," he admitted.  The doctor smiled and nodded.  Peter came back without the social worker.  "And he said...."

"He had no idea telling her that girls should be less bookish was that bad."

"Yeah, it is," he said dryly.  "That's like telling you to be less proficient with weapons."  Peter snickered and nodded.  "Okay, I can hold my temper in."  He looked at her then at Peter.  "We're going back in a day."

"I know."  He patted him on the back.  "It will be fine.  She is a good girl and will probably be sleeping off the headache until then."

"If not longer."  He looked at the doctor.  "Any other orders?"

"Have you thought about therapy?"

"I think her daddy needs some, yes.  I was told he was supposed to start some this week actually."  She smirked.  "Olivia's a very bright, pretty normal little girl.  Her siblings are catching up to their age group.  Daniel.....  I'm going to beat shit out of when we get home."

"But he's daddy," Olivia whined.

He looked at her.  "We'll settle it like daddies."  She relaxed again and nodded.  He cuddled her.  "Any other orders?" he asked with a smile.

"No, she's fine to be discharged as long as you can handle the headache."

"Yup.  I've seen it a few times before."  He picked her up.  Peter signed the papers and they left.  Olivia's carseat wasn't in there but they bucked her into the backseat while she was laying down, one across her lap and one across her chest.  Xander let her have his overshirt to nap on.  The sheriff nodded that was acceptable and they went back to the cabin.  Once back there, Xander took the phone out to the woods to talk to John Winchester.  He was a good mediating being right now.

***

John hung up and looked at the others.  "Olivia's at the cabin."  Dean sighed in relief.  Daniel nodded, looking at his hands.  "Boys."  He nodded his head at the stairs.  They left them alone.  "Want to tell me what you said to her to make her run away?"

Daniel looked at him.  "I have no idea."

"She said you were going to make her quit reading and being herself."  Daniel glared, shaking his head.  "So what did you say to her?"

"I said that I'm proud of her reading skills but we'd do some things soon so she could do more than read.  She's never outside anymore."

"It's winter, Daniel.  She's been outside the last three days."

"To go places.  Not to play."

"She doesn't like snow.  She avoids snow.  Even on the sidewalk she avoids snow.  It's Shannon that stomps on each and every single snow pile you run into."  Daniel slumped again.  "Though Sam took her to the park yesterday to watch the people exercising their horses.  That's why she came back and dove under the couch throw with a book."

"She should be doing more than reading," Daniel said firmly.

"She does a lot.  She does baby yoga stuff with Xander every morning.  Sometimes even without him.  Dean and I have both been joined during our morning PT by her doing her stretches.  She runs up and down the stairs all day long.  She helps me with Shannon and Brad's PT.  If we hooked up a hamster wheel to a battery, she'd light the whole house some days.  She's not bored, she's not inactive, and the few pounds she's gained are because she's about to grow again.  She'll look much too skinny during it if she didn't."  He stared at him.  "You upset her enough that Xander said she actually asked for Willow."  Daniel grimaced and sighed, shaking his head.  "They're due back in two days."

"They can use the transport ring," Daniel said.

"They won't be because they have to get her calmed down and helped first."  Daniel stiffened.  "You need to talk to someone.  Tomorrow."  He stared at him.  "You can't keep doing this, Daniel.  She could've died running away."

"She's too dependent on Xander," he said, standing up.

"Well, yeah, he still has custody of her," John said firmly.  "And if you don't straighten up, he can fight to keep custody of her and take the other two."  Daniel stared at him in horror.  John stared back.  "You need to get your head on straight and start accepting some things.  Your daughter, she's got brains.  She's not your mother or your sisters.  I was a hardass on my boys but you've gotten worse than I ever was on her recently.  Olivia's a sensitive little girl.  That custody hearing would kill her."  Daniel sat down again, slumping again.  "Not to mention the other two."

John stared at him.  "I don't know what this is, but meditate to get it out, go spirit walk to your wife, whatever.  Just get it out of you before she ends up dead some day soon running away as you figure things out."  Daniel stomped off.  John sighed and checked on the other two.  Shannon was awake and he had no illusions she hadn't heard.  "Your sister is with Uncle Xander," he said quietly.  "She's all right.  Just has a headache."  She smiled and relaxed, letting him tuck her back in and hand her the teddybear she had dropped in her sleep.  Brad was snoring and John tucked him in again.  Then he went to have a beer.  He'd be supporting Xander in whatever he decided unless it was giving her to Daniel when she clearly needed a gentler hand that didn't have problems.

He could imagine what would happen if she did that again and someone less nice than the half demon found her.

***

Xander and Peter stopped with Olivia at their lawyer's office.  They set up what they needed for the custody hearing in a few weeks.  The lawyer needed to talk to Olivia as well.  Then they went home to find Dean pacing with the phone to his ear.  "Us?" he asked as they came off the elevator.

"Dad.  No one can find Daniel," he mouthed.  "Xander's back with her and Peter, Dad."  He hung up.  "He's looking."

"Sam, can you spirit walk?" Peter asked.  He nodded, going to try that.

Olivia looked around.  "Did Daddy run away?"

"We're not sure where he is," Dean said, picking her up to hold.  "You're in such deep shit when Dad sees you."

"I was scared," she said.  She gave him the big-eyed pouty look.  "I'm sorry I worried you too, Uncle Dean."  She hugged him.

"I'm just glad you're all right," he said, cuddling her back.

"She's still grounded for a month," Xander said.  "And yeah, we spanked the next day when she could see straight.  Then we had a *long* talk."

"Good!  Dad wanted to spank you so hard the night you did that it wasn't funny."  She slumped but cuddled harder.  He looked at Xander.  "We have no idea," he mouthed.  "He wasn't here when we got up."

Xander nodded, going to the office.  "Let me check my email," he called.  "I'll be right back."  He also sent an email to someone on the Demon Council.  Who sent back that Daniel had been to see them.  He was still there in a meditative trance in their clinic.  He printed it and held it up for Dean to see.  Dean texted John one handed while Peter fussed at things.  Xander took Olivia and sat her on the couch, sitting in front of her on the coffee table.  "Your daddy needed to talk to your mommy so he's meditating in the Council's building."

She stared.  "Then why isn't he here?"

"It's a long-term meditation.  He's okay, they have him on IV's and stuff, but he's ... it's like being a ghosty ghost but he's still alive.  He went to help your mommy deliver your newest sibling."

"Because I made him mad?" she asked quietly.

"No."  She looked at him.  "No, it wasn't anything you did or you running away.  They think Willow called because she needed more help than your Auntie Buffy could give during the delivery but she has bad timing."  She went less stiff and nodded.  "So for the next little while, he'll be meditating there.  It's like he's napping really hard but he's alive and okay.  He just won't wake up until he's ready to."

"Okay," she said quietly.  John came off the elevator and she ran over to hug him.  "I'm sorry I upset you, Grandpa.  I didn't mean to!  I just needed Uncle because Daddy was being mean and I needed him or Mommy but she's still stuck.  He's the next best thing to a Mommy."

"Yes he is."  He took her to the office to talk to her.  He heard Xander go up to the pool area to swear at Daniel where she couldn't hear.

Sam came in and sat down next to Olivia.  "Your daddy is just fine.  I went spirit walking like they used to when they visited to check on you.  He's over there cooing at his new baby boy.  So you have a new brother."

"He'll be back soon?"

"I do not know."  She slumped but nodded.  "But he said he's sorry he worried you."

She nodded.  "Mommy needed him more than we do because we have Uncle Xander and all of you guys plus Uncle Peter."

"Yes you do," John said.  "Though he's going to get spanked for doing that then."  She giggled.  "I can paddle him, he deserves it for the bad timing, the same as you still need one for running away."

"Uncle Xander spanked me and then we had a huge talk.  It was so long Uncle Peter had to cook all of yesterday."

"Good!  You're still getting one from me too!"  She nodded, looking miserable.  "You never have to run away, Olivia.  You could have come talked to me.  You could have snuck away and talked to Tara, and only gotten the one spanking, but you could have."  She nodded, looking down.  "You can talk to any of us.  You knew that.  That was very dangerous.  You could've been very badly hurt.  You could've gotten lost."  She sniffled, starting to cry.  He picked her up to hold.  "I'm mad that you did it but not at you," he said, patting her on the back.  "We'll work this out."  She nodded against his neck.  "Needless to say, you're so very grounded on top of the spanking I'm going to give you later."

Peter leaned in.  "Xander has."

"She's getting another one for doing that."

"Fine.  Let me go make Xander help me with dinner."  He left them to talk to her.  She hadn't cried with them but she was sobbing on John's shoulder.  "He made her cry."

"I hate to say it but good.  It means she won't do it again," Xander said quietly.

"Sam said he is with Willow."

"I heard."  He looked at him.  "Can we handle three kids?" he asked quietly.

Peter nodded.  "We can.  Your muses are handling it all right and so are mine."  Xander relaxed and grinned, hugging him.  "Plus we have help.  Even if you and John will have to work out which is the real daddy."

"I'm glad to have the help," Xander admitted.  "I was so lost with her when I first got her.  He was a great lifeline, him and Rick."  He cuddled in to get warm again.  "Can I beat the shit out of him?" he whispered.

"I will help hold him for you."  Xander smiled and took a kiss.  "We should go in before you turn into snowman.  I would not like being married to Frosty as much.  Not as warm hearted as you are."  Xander grinned and let Peter take him back inside.

Brad looked up from his coloring.  "Daddy?" he asked.

"Talking with your Mommy," Xander said.

"Why?" Shannon asked.

Xander smiled.  "She was about to have a baby brother."

She squealed and hugged Brad.  "New baby brother!"  He beamed and cuddled back.  "'Liv!"  She came out.  "New baby brother!"

"I heard.  That's a great thing," she agreed, cuddling them both.  "We'll be here and with Auntie Tara until Daddy gets back."  They nodded and went back to coloring.  She looked at her uncles.

Xander waved her over, picking her up to look in her eyes.  "You never have to pretend to be the mommy or that adult for anyone.  You're a big sister, not the mommy," he said quietly. "It's my job to do all the mommy and daddy stuff."

"Daddy needed help."

"I don't."

She smiled.  "I know."

"So be a little girl again and let me handle things with the rest of us."  She nodded and wiggled so he put her down.  She went to get her painting things out and settled in to paint for a bit.  Peter helped her learn how to paint on paper, which she enjoyed a lot.  It let her spread colors on things and change them.  The little paintable mushroom got put aside to dry.  She'd probably want him to cover it so she could repaint it later.  The all over brown color wasn't exactly her cheerful color of the week.  Xander got to work on dinner.

John came out of the study with Sam.  "We good?"

"Yup."  He looked at him.  John shrugged back.  "John, we could probably use some more art supplies?" he asked quietly.

"Sure, kid.  Water color paper?" he asked, looking at what they were doing.  "More clay?"  Xander nodded.  "I can do that."  Sam went to do it for him. " Or he can I guess."  He came over to help with dinner.  Peter was unpacking since Olivia knew how to paint now.  "When she's older, you should have her taught traditional calligraphy."

Xander smiled.  "She might like that."  She looked over.  "The fancy letters and things on the first page of old books."

"Ooh.  Those are pretty."  She got back to her painting.  "How do I draw a horse with a brush?"  John came over to help her.  "Thank you, Grandpa."

"Welcome, Olivia."  He sat down to help Brad play with his playdough animal blobs.  He was trying to make them make animal noises.  John helped him and taught him their proper names at the same time.  He kept calling lions fluffy kitties.

Shannon smiled.  She was doing okay and Grandpa liked all her new animals.  It was great.

***

Xander walked into their behavioral therapist's office first.  "Two quick notes."  She smiled.  "Daniel is off out of his body visiting Willow."  She groaned and shook her head.  "Right after Olivia tried to pop where we were because he had told her to quit reading so much."  She muttered something.  "We've worked all that out.  Second note, I've gotten the kids into some art stuff.  I had them bring in their favorite things."

"That'll help a lot," she agreed with a smile.  "Are they okay emotionally?"

"Mostly."

"Is Olivia here?"

"She's visiting with your coworker today."

"Good idea," she agreed, smiling at him.  "Timeline?"

"No clue."

"Okay, I can handle that."  He smiled and went to get Brad and Shannon for her.  Their clay animals came in very handy to help them today and she had more clay there so they could work on hand-eye coordination and things like that.

Xander walked Olivia into the other therapist's office.  "Olivia Rosenburg?"

"Why don't I have Daddy's name?" Olivia asked.

"Your mommy won that argument."

"Oh."  She smiled at the therapist, who her uncle had told her was a new doctor who didn't give shots.  "He said I'm supposed to talk with you."

"I've talked with your father a few times as well," she said with a smile.  She and Xander sat on her couch.  "What did you do today, Olivia?"

"I painted."  She pulled out the stuff that had been dried to show her.  "Uncle Xander and Uncle Peter got me art stuff and Uncle Peter taught me how to paint on paper."

"That's wonderful."  She smiled at Xander.  "Very good for self-expression."

"That's what I was thinking.  Brad and Shannon both have other stuff like she does but only she has paint."

"That's fine.  They're not really able to paint yet from what I understand.  That would take some better fine motor control."

"And a lot more plastic on the floor," he agreed with a grin.

"That as well."  She got Olivia talking about her week.  She winced when she heard the running away thing and talked to her about that.  She looked at Xander when Olivia said she had been spanked.

"That was a huge thing.  Only huge, dangerous things get a spanking," Xander said quietly but firmly.  "Teleporting most of the way to Michigan.... that's fairly dangerous."

"Yes I suppose it would be," she agreed. "How do you usually get punished, Olivia?"

"Punitive naps.  Standing in corner.  Or meanly grounded without library books."  She looked at her uncle then at her new doctor.  "But I get them back later on."

"That's always a good thing and very wise of your uncle."  Xander beamed.  "Raising scale?"

"Yes, if I take that right.  The worse things get the worse punishment.  The very worst things get them combined."

"Good.  That's reasonable."  She went back to talking to her about the running away and why she had done it.  What her father had said and done to make her that upset.  Xander got up to 'get some water' and she asked her more delicate questions since she had been looking at her uncle before answering.  "Olivia, I know you have special gifts, sweetheart.  You don't have to hide that from me."  Olivia relaxed and told her more about all that.  Since she seemed to be a bit squirmy, she pulled out some crayons and a coloring book to help them talk.  Olivia chatted while coloring and it was easier.  Though she was aggressively crossing out some faces of females.  "Are you mad at someone?"

She pouted a bit.  "Alexis is going off to college soon and I won't get to see her all that often.  That'll suck."

"You'll still get to see her at holidays and over the summer."

"Maybe."

"And she needs to go to college so she can find out what she wants to be when she's an adult.  That way she can have a career and start her own family some day.  Then you can help her buy the pretty dress when she finds a boy."

She considered it.  "You have to go to college to get a pretty dress?"

"Well, no.  Weddings are usually after you've gotten a career, a job, though."

"Oh.  So she's going to college to get a job?"  She nodded.  "That makes more sense, even if her daddy is pouting."  She looked at the door then at her.  "It would make Daddy sad if he heard me call Uncle Xander Daddy," she whispered.

"It would, yes, but I think they'd both understand eventually."  She patted her on the head.   Olivia got up to look in her mirror to unfuss her hair.  She smiled.  "You look just fine, dear."

"Good.  I hate being unpretty."  She came back and sat down again to go back to her coloring.  "I don't hate Daddy and I heard Uncle Peter say that he was worried I would.  I know that Mommy needs him for baby brother."  She looked up.  "Is that why you're my new doctor?"

"Part of it.  What I do is help you talk things out so it doesn't hurt you as much.  Things that make you sad or cry, like him visiting with your Mother, can make kids very upset."

Olivia nodded.  "I was crying."

"Which is a normal reaction.  My job is to let you talk about that so you work through it for yourself and it helps make you less sad and angry."

She stared at her.  "Do you like to shop?"

She smiled.  "Sometimes.  I don't get a whole lot of chance for it because there's too many people in the stores right now.  I go afterwards when there's sales."

"That's good.  I haven't shopped in weeks."  She shrugged and grimaced then went back to coloring.  "Uncle Xander said the same thing.  I explained Santa to my siblings."

"That's very good, Olivia.  Did they understand?"  She smiled and nodded.  "Wonderful!  Has your Uncles taken you to see any of the lights?"

"It's been very chilly and we don't like cold.  But I guess you could ask him."

"I'll do that. There's ways of going that don't make you as cold."  She smiled and nodded, going back to her coloring of princesses.  Though she was still crossing their faces out.  Her alarm went off, making Olivia jump.  "Relax, that's just my timer.  That tells me when it's been an hour so you guys can go pick up your siblings and then go home."

"Do I have to get shots next time?"

She smiled.  "I never give shots.  That's why being my sort of doctor is really neat."  Olivia hugged her.  "Go next door to get your brother and sister?"  She got up and ran out.  Xander walked in and watched her go then looked at her.  "She's pissed off," she said quietly.

"I know.  I figure there's some at Daniel, some at Willow, maybe a bit at me for helping get him back," he said quietly.

She shrugged. "Some at whoever Alexis is for going to college."

"Rick Castle's daughter.  She's been her favorite babysitter."

"That's good.  I explained that college meant she could find a really good job and then have a good wedding."

Xander smiled.  "She's all about the books and the pretty."  She came running back and pounced him.  "Hi, sprout.  So, do you want to keep talking to this nice doctor?"

She smiled and nodded. "Please?"

"That's wonderful.  I'll try to arrange my schedule so I see you when they're seeing my coworker across the hall."  Olivia smiled and nodded, looking up at her uncle, who picked her up to cuddle.  "It'll be okay.  A lot of this is very normal stress, Mr. Harris."

"I hope so.  Thanks, Doc."  He walked out to get the other two, letting Olivia walk when she wiggled down so Brad could be carried.  He was smaller and tired, he was yawning.  The girls gave him a pretty honor guard down to the car and it was better.  She made her notes and sealed the file.  She went to talk to her coworker about Shannon and Brad.  Olivia had been worried about their progress.

***

Xander looked over as Faith dropped down next to him at the table.  They were at the bar George worked at to talk to him.  "What's up?" he asked.

"Why doesn't Olivia dance?  Someone said that they thought she should be, most kids did."

"She does at home.  She either does twirly dancing or she booty pops like her Aunt Buffy used to."

Faith shook her head.  "No wonder!"

"Yeah.  In public she'll twirly dance because we told her that booty popping was only for at home."  He sipped his drink.  "Any other good news?"

"Someone at the library wanted Tara to put her in pageants."

"Hell no," he snorted.

"That's what she said."  George, Daniel's cousin, came out of the back and sat down with them.  "I checked on him, he's still down and they said it's going to probably be weeks," Faith told him.

"He went spirit walking to talk to Willow," Xander said.

"Damn it," George muttered.

"Right after Olivia ran away," Xander said more quietly.  George stared at him.  "He told her he wanted her to read less, be less pretty, and go play outside more.  It upset her a lot that he hated her reading."

"Damn it," he complained louder.

"Yeah, basically," Xander sighed.  "So she's visiting the very nice therapist that works in the same office as the PT doing the other two.  Daniel started to see her as well."

"I can help with that," he offered.

"Gladly.  She had her first appointment earlier.  They got on really well.  Oh, and the kids are now into art to help them."  He grinned.  "Olivia can paint now.  They all have crayons and clay stuff too."

"That's good.  Art is for when you're moody like," George agreed.  Faith grinned at him for that.  "She's good though?"

"Grounded for a month for nearly making it to the cabin."

"Grayhound?" he asked hopefully.

"Nope."

"Fuck," George complained.  "She good?"

"Now.  We've all had a talk with her about it.  She now understands that if she's that upset and needs to run away to get away from something that's hurting her that badly, she is to find a phone, call one of the uncles or aunties, and talk to them.  That includes you.  I have a little prepaid phone that was mine before that I put some tiny minutes on and put all the family's phone numbers in.  It's hidden in her closet and she knows where.  That way she has to move furniture to get it and that means she has to want to get it and get away.  But it gives her a way to call all of the rest of the family.  I put both numbers in for you.  Yours for work says before ten at night, and your home is after ten and until noon.  That way she knows which one is which."

"That'll work," George agreed, smiling at him.  "Any idea on the two younger one's birthdays?"

"I converted them.  Brad was born in January and Shannon in April."

"Good.  We can work on that."  He relaxed.  "She's fine though, right?"

"She's fine.  She's a bit pissed off, confused, and pouty about Daniel and Willow and all that.  Plus Alexis is going to college soon too."  He nodded he had heard that.  "It's confusing and it gives her someone neutral to talk to.  John and I are kinda using a bit different of parenting styles.  We worked that out between us about when to be harsher and use his style.  We both spanked Olivia for that teleporting trick."

"What about the custody hearing?"

"I have no clue," Xander admitted.  "I was going to push to give it another four months to give Daniel more adjusting time.  Because he needed it."  He sipped his drink.  "Olivia turned into the mommy to help him."

"I saw," George admitted.  "I talked to her about it.  She said her daddy needed help and I could agree with that."

"I did too but I reminded her I had Uncle Peter so we didn't need it as much and told her to quit doing that."

"Good."  He grinned.  "I'm still welcome visitation?"

"Yeah.  I'm told Daniel still has family that didn't lose their minds."

"Few," George agreed with a smile.  "I'll be over Sunday afternoon."

"Sunday we're going to Peter's sister's house for dinner."

"Monday?"

"That'll probably work."  George got up and went back to the kitchen.  Xander looked at Faith.  "Kinella?"

"She's been hanging out with Peter's priestly nephew to help him learn the exorcisms and stuff since Father Morgan's only other helper in town just retired."

"I didn't know there was another one."

"Apparently he was office-bound because he was so old.  So they're helping him learn in case he needs to."

"That's cool, as long as he wants to."  He finished his drink.  "Coming to play with them?"

"Sure."  She got up and he followed, paying for the coffee and putting down a tip to cover George's dinner on the way out.  "Did you hear they arrested a whole bunch of Treasury agents?"

"Yup," he said with a grin.  "They were trying a world take over bid."  She moaned and shook her head.  "Oh, yeah."  They walked past someone and Xander grabbed him by his collar to walk him off.  "Hi, Whistler."

"Xander.  Can I be let go of?"

"I figured you were going to bump into us anyway."

"I was."  They walked into an alley and let him go.  He stared at Faith.  "The Powers want to give you a choice of postings.  Neither great."

"Figures since you only show up with sucky choices.  Not here?" she asked.

"Here or LA.  LA's got a major thing coming."

"Kinella gets on killer with Connor and likes to flirt with him," she said.  "Will it kill her?  Or them?"

"Bad things but huge things.  Next year we'll have one that'll take all hands."  He looked at Xander.

"It's on the vision website."

"I saw.  Thank you."  Faith was staring at him.  "They tried to use him two too many times, Lehane.  He put them up as a way to record them."

"Huh.  Should we tell General Jack?"

"Interestingly enough, it'll be his problem that'll kick off hers."  He smirked.

"I saw Atlantis coming home and the battle she'd fight," Xander said.  "Anything on Tara's baby and if he or she is possessed since she was for a bit?"

Whistler tipped his head to the side.  "Why would I?"

"They provided a balance according to what I foresaw.  Sam got it too.  Two witches to make sure that one wouldn't overbalance like her mother did."

"Oh, that.  Yeah, he was.  They're both a bit in the center."

"I try," Xander said.  "But I can tell her that about my next minion of spoiled."  He grinned.  "That way we can do that in the hospital right afterwards."

"That's not a bad question," Whistler decided after glancing up.  "Yeah, you might have to."

Xander nodded, tapping out a text message to Tara.  She'd arrange it.  "Okay."  He looked at him.  "The all-hands in LA, she'll be here for because she'll be a few weeks post birth probably.  She can watch the kids.  Or George or someone can if we have to."

"That's good planning.  It'll be a sudden uprising."

"No, it's being plotted.  Someone on that side got it too.  Sam's showed that one of them knew when it was coming back and about the wraith attacking."  Whistler shuddered.  "So we'll handle it.  You need Kinella or Faith out there now?"

"Yes.  Though, as Guardian, you're supposed to stay out of things, kid."

"I'm doing a job that protects humanity.  Being in the bigger battles does the same thing."

"True," he decided.  "Very true.  And it'll probably be an all-hands.  Which you're now restricted to."

"Sure.  Peter would like that."  He grinned.

"Even better," he sighed, looking at Faith.  "One of you gets the sucky job, slayer."

"Actually, LA is a lot more fun sometimes and you can surf," Faith said with a grin.  "That's not really the sucky job.  There's no snow there.  Even if there are more demons."

"Fine, whatever.  Just choose.  Today.  Get out there by next week when someone will attack the team."  He disappeared.

"Tell Cordy we said hi," Xander called.  He looked at her.  She called Kinella and they went back to walking home.  It was nice they were playing nice this week.

***

Xander was resting on his back when the phone rang.  He grabbed it from the lounger.  It was a pretty day today and they were calling for snow for the next week.  "Harris."  He listened.  "Hi, General Jack.  Yup, that one.  Yup, then.  Wraith are going to attack.  Someone's going to decide it's a great time.  They already know when the wraith will attack so they have it planned.  Kinella.  She likes to flirt with Connor and hates snow more than Faith does.  That'll be fine.  Talk with Fred and them.  No, I'm only one for the most major of major now.  So of course I'll be there.  Yup, you can bum.  Works for me.  Thanks, General."  He hung up.  "John, Sam, Peter?" he called.  They came out.  "By the new treaty for the warehouse, we're only allowed at the 'protecting humanity from the worst things' battles."  They all nodded.  "Which includes the thing in LA, Sam.  General Jack got told."

"Good!"  He pulled out his laptop to get into that vision so they could see it.  "It's looking like next spring."

"It does," John agreed.  He sent that address to someone via text.  "We sure?"  Xander nodded.  Sam nodded.  "So unless they decide it's too much work...."

"Then we'll only have to worry about anything that came back on Atlantis when she lands," Xander quipped with a grin.  "Including John and Rodney."

"He-Who-Eats-And-Bitches will be fine," Peter assured him.  Xander grinned at him.  "You need more normal friends."

"Probably true."  He smiled at John.  "So, I'm only allowed at the hugest of the huge.  That leaves someone like Dean at the less huge."

"Dean'd be there anyway and there's a few younger hunters moving up to do that duty," John said.

"A few aren't bad, but most of them need a lot of fight training," Sam said.  "We've suggested Dad do some of that."

"Connor probably could."

"Probably," John agreed.  "They're mostly on the west coast and I can suggest that and them hooking up to help Kinella so she can train them on the job too."  He sent that as well.  "When's the next one on this coast?"

"Next Christmas."

John moaned, shaking his head.  "Demon?"

"Very high, very old, very powerful, wanting to come back into power.  They're going to make a showy entrance to get their worshipers back," Sam said dryly.  "In the middle of a church during a Christmas mass."

"Have you told Father Morgan?" John asked.

"Yup.  He swore and pulled out his rosary.  We told him he had a year."  Sam grinned.  "He said thank you and next year could we get him some really good scotch bourbon for the holidays?"

"I did this year," Xander admitted with a grin.  "And a new short sword."  Peter grinned.

"I saw that," John said with a nod and a smile of his own.  "Very pretty with the crucifix carving and all that.  Nice strong blade too.  I got him a few new books on types of demons."

"I got him a new journal," Peter said.  "So his rantings can warn later priests who want to do the same job."

"Dean and I got him a sharpening set and some leather cleaning stuff," Sam said.  "Olivia got him a bookstore card and signed the other two's name on it.  Are we taking Brad and Shannon holiday present shopping for anyone?"

"Yes.  They each have two hundred bucks and they have a short list if they want to buy for them," Xander said.  "It's in my office, in the desk, on the right hand side."  Sam grinned.  "Olivia has asked if we could go see the light displays.  Her therapist suggested it."

"We can do that and make sure that they stay warm," John said.  "There's plenty of Starbucks to get cocoa at in this city."

"That's what I was thinking and we could finish up the shopping at the same time," Xander said.  "It'd be a hugely long day and we'd have to take the stroller, but it'd get them a long day out of the house while the cats get flea dipped by the vets.  Since we've suddenly got some somehow."

"I treated the couch," John said.  "We can do that."  He looked at Sam, who texted Dean.  The kids loved him more than Sam because he played more.  He nodded.  "When?"

"Wednesday?  Their therapists are all closed that day," Xander said.  "Also, we have to decide very shortly about if we're going to try to see the Parade."  John winced. "Yeah, that'll be a getting up real early, taking seats, stuff to keep them occupied while we wait, food and stuff.  That's going to take some planning and it's two weeks until thanksgiving.  So we need to plan that and what we're doing for the meal."

"I can invite the boys and their mother over," Peter offered.

Xander nodded, looking at John, who nodded back.  "Sam?"

"I was planning on a hotel buffet so I didn't have to cook.  Dean doesn't want to cook.  Dad hardly ever cooks."  John swatted him.  "The new apartment really isn't big enough for any celebrating."

"Manhattan apartments are very tiny," Xander agreed.  Brad came wandering out with a soda.  Xander opened it and let him drink, earning a grin.  "Good boy."  He beamed and went back inside to hide under the couch throw and get warm again.  "So we're holding it here?"  They all nodded.  "Okay, Peter, you, me, and Tara need to work up a menu then."

"I can do that.  Plus call others to see who might need a dinner."  He went inside to start on that.  Starting with his sister and nephews.

Xander looked at them.  "We have already told Olivia we are not going out Black Friday because half the city will be in the stores.  She shuddered because she agreed there were too many people already.  John, we're multi-ethnic for the holidays."

"I figured you were."

"Including starting going to Nicholas's church on the sixth."

"Good."  He smiled.  "We can work on that."

"If we're decorating here, you work on getting us a tree, the lights, tinsel.  I'm letting the kids pick out the ornaments and we'll get a few special ones between us."  They all nodded.  "Sam, you're helping me grocery shop for the dinners.  Tara will want a Yule dinner.  Christmas dinner can be that one for the family group if we want.  Tara also said she was going to volunteer during one of those and take Olivia with her.  She'd take Shannon but Shannon will wander off."

"True," John agreed.  "That day we can distract the other two so they can do other good things, like maybe go read at the library or something."

Sam nodded.  "The college is having a volunteering faire soon and I'll pop by to get ideas."

"Cool."  Peter headed for the elevator.  "I think someone knocked."  He looked at them.  "Presents?  Christmas Eve?  Morning?"

"Santa's many stories have been told," Sam reminded him with a smile.

"Okay, so one notably from relatives then the Santa delivery system when they're in bed."  They all nodded.  "Am I getting anything huge?  I haven't really bought for the kids because of the custody hearing," he said more quietly.

"They're not big enough for bikes," Sam said.  He looked at John.

"Olivia's new dresser and bookcase," John said.  "Dean found her those from all three of us.  Rick?"

"I think Halloween's more his thing," he admitted. "I'm pretty sure he's still moping over Alexis starting college.  Olivia is.  She's still crossing out female faces anytime she colors."

"Willow?" John asked quietly.  Xander nodded.  "Okay.  We can handle that.  We can move the kids up to the more age-group needed games."

"I thought about a Light Bright system but Brad's still putting everything in his mouth.  Yesterday I caught him sucking on Homer's tail."

Sam snickered.  "Dean's kitty wife's tail too."

"Inclusive presents but a few for each individual kid," John decided.

"I almost thought about putting up a play room on top," Xander sighed.

"They can clean up and the living room is huge, Xander," John ordered.  "Even if you do have to have another book event soon."  Xander nodded he would.  "Before the holidays?"

"Early December.  We're doing the final planning next week.  We'll be draping the lounges out here with stuff to keep the portable heater's warmth in."  They both nodded at that.  "Which means we'll need a sitter."

"We might be able to do that," Sam agreed.  "Or Tara."

"Her doctor's worried that she's had a lot of mood swings," Xander said.  "And that some crackhead in Illinois popped up with a supposed prophecy about her child going dark if it didn't have a sibling very quickly.  But he or she will be Olivia's balance.  And that one's still possessed too."

"We can do that after the delivery," John assured him.  "She's already talked to us."  Xander grinned.  "Is Olivia going to be jealous?"

"No.  She's like a new sibling.  Of course it'll take some of her attention but she'll get to fuss over it and help the mommy and all that."

"Good."  John grinned.  "We can plan things.  Just relax and let it go.  How are you going to decorate for the book thing?"

"I have to decorate?"

"We'll figure that out," he decided.  They went inside to get warm again and John sat down with Peter to work on lists of what was needed and if they were going to the parade.  Peter had called George to get his input for things.  He was getting them all gift cards for some clothes.  It was an easy gift for the kids.

***

Xander brought muffins to the station on a day that the scanner said they weren't busy.   He handed them over as he pulled a chair over to Beckett's desk.  "I realized last night we hadn't told you guys about the Olivia emergency plan."

"Why does she have one?" Esposito asked, taking a muffin and passing the box on.  Xander told them about the running away night and even Rick hissed at that.  "That's a good reason," he agreed.

"What we have worked out is that high in her closet, so she has to push a chair over or magic it down, is my old cellphone. The prepaid one.  I put minutes on it.  I put in *everyone's* number so if she feels she has to run away, she can call.  If you guys can't or won't deal with more than talking to her, call Tara or Faith or John and we'll pick her up if she's at the house."

"We haven't seen Daniel recently," Beckett said.

"He's meditating in the Council's building to go visit Willow."  She winced.  "When we got back.  So Olivia also has a therapist."  He handed over her card to Beckett.  "In case it ever has to be handled."  She nodded, tucking it into her wallet.  "I don't expect you guys to jump up and come get her but call one of the closer family that would please?"

"Yeah, we can do that," Rick agreed.  "That's a sensible solution to that problem.  Is she okay?"

"She's pretty pissed off and a bit upset with Daniel, with Willow, with Alexis for going to college."  Rick nodded he understood that.  "Her therapist and I are thinking she's working through it all right but it's still a lot of stress on a three-year-old, even a brilliant one.  I never want her to have to feel that she's *got* to run away again.  Even if I would like to smack Daniel for his version of running away that he's doing."

"The custody hearing's in two weeks," Rick said.  "How can he hope to prove he's got a handle on it?"

"It's in two days.  The judge heard he was not really available and had it moved on him."

Rick winced.  "Does his lawyer know?"

"Yup.  So does ours. And what he's doing.  The same therapist had started to see Daniel before that night.  She's coming in to testify.  The preliminary order Daniel got when he got back said he was to have visitation.  I told the judge that they were all living with me, all he had to do was go downstairs and he approved of that.  Really, if I wanted to file for formal, permanent custody, I could right now.  Just with the way things have been going since he got back."

"I think that taking broke him a lot," Beckett said.

"I know, which is why I've been so helpful and letting him handle some things while guiding others, and mediating between him and Olivia.  John was mediating between me and him at times.  Daniel was being downright jackassical about Olivia not being like his sisters and liking dolls and flowers.  Olivia was fighting hard to not let Daniel have the other two and leave her with me.  Now that's coming back out too.  By the way, we've gotten Olivia and her siblings into art.  Brad loves clay and crayons are okay to him.  Shannon likes crayons and animals are cool but clay isn't squishy enough, she likes mud.  We'll get her into pottery when she's older.

"Olivia likes clay and crayons sometimes but we've let her know she can be pissed off and paint.  They have their own little corner, and yes I know I'll need to put it up for the upcoming book event, Rick."  He grinned.  "Right now, we're making battle plans for Thanksgiving, the Yule dinner, Christmas morning, and all the events we're taking the kids to.  Also, if anyone wants to volunteer, the kids are going holiday shopping tomorrow afternoon.  They're going to do their shopping for their siblings, the rest of Olivia's list, and then we're going to get dinner and cocoa to walk around and look at lights."

"It's supposed to be pretty warm tomorrow night," Beckett said.  She smiled. "I'm eating with my father, Xander."

"That's cool.  Whoever doesn't have a spot, come on over. Peter's family and all the Winchesters are coming plus Faith.  Kinella's out in LA working on their upcoming spring problems.  Also, due to the treaty over the warehouses being remade, Peter and I are only supposed to handle 'oh shit, the world's ending' events."  He looked at Beckett.  "So things like that school, good."

"Everything else call John and Dean," she agreed with a smile.

"Yup, because we're supposed to be neutral entities but that plan that got all those agents arrested for trying to overthrow the government started with us."  He grinned.  She moaned.  "Philips called me the next morning and threw a swearing fit about how many they had to arrest.  I cheerfully chirped back that he was welcome and it meant a lot of people could move up in the ranks of minions.  And that he had woken me up at a good time for morning sex."  He grinned.

She batted him on the arm.  "It figures.  Like with the outing thing?"

"Yup, just like with the documentary only focusing on the hunters this time."

"Great," she moaned.  "I heard about a hundred had been arrested."

"Over a hundred-thirty agents from what I heard," Xander said.  "Lorne called up to complain to Peter that I had a new drool patrol going.  Peter told him why and he went to help arrest some himself.  Including two members of the retired spy golfing association," he finished dryly.

Beckett snickered, shaking her head.  "Wonderful."  He grinned.  "Hold on, spring in LA?"

"We'll be there.  Tara can babysit probably.  Oh, that crank in Illinois that has stupidly put out that he had a vision saying if Tara didn't have another one immediately that one would go bad is an idiot.  We can't find any known prophecy, he's not a known seer, nothing.  She's scared a bit though so we're not sure."

"Okay," Beckett agreed.  "We can be on the watch for that."

"She did want you to come cheerlead for her during it, mostly to keep her calm since they'd have to exorcize the baby once it was out," Xander offered.  "That's really a motherly job and she doesn't have one available but she sees you like a really close sorority sister at least."

"I've never seen a birth in person but sure I can try."

"Cool."  He glanced at the captain that was trying to listen in.  She still hated Xander and Rick helping her detectives.  "Yes, we're making plans in case Olivia decides she needs to run away again."

"She did?"

"Daniel and she got into it," he admitted.  He looked at Esposito.  "If your mom has any ideas, let me know?"

"Gladly.  She adores Olivia's twitter feed.  She hasn't put anything up recently."

"She's grounded for the running away.  I'll have Sam put up a notice saying she's grounded."  He grinned.  "Maybe it'll help some other parent.  Do you think I should ask Rodney to have him talk to her to see if we should be worrying about genius issues?" he asked Rick.

"She's very smart but I'm not sure how he'd do that."

"He is one and I figure one would realize another."

"He might, I'm not sure.  That might put extra pressure on her."

"Or give her an outlet because now and then she gets really frustrated at her siblings not liking the same things she does and not being able to do the same things."

"That's reasonable," he agreed.  "It can be frustrating sometimes."  He smiled.  "I'll see if Alexis wants to help you guys tomorrow."

"She might still be pouty at her.  She's been crossing out the face of every single female in her coloring books."

"I'll have her talk to her about it too.  It might help."  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Thanks for the lunch too."

"Welcome."  He got up.  "Let me know if you guys need help with stuff."  He left, going to write Rodney an email.  A very simple 'how would I know if Olivia was bordering on genius' email.  Geniuses probably had some sort of internal sensing ability for each other like Highlanders, right?

***

Rodney looked at his latest email and smiled.  "He thinks Olivia's a genius?"

"She's reading at three.  She's always a smart little girl," John said.  "Xander complained that she was hiding what she could do when he got her because Willow wanted her to be younger again."

"There's a few good indications that she's at the very least extremely bright."  John showed him the other videos of Olivia that Xander had sent at his request.  Rodney snickered at a few and the 'I'm sorry I can't talk right now but I'm grounded' one that was new.  "She is very bright."

"Especially with two siblings that are having to catch up to their age level," John offered.  "Xander said she got frustrated when they didn't understand that there were different types of dogs on tv during a dog show.  Then again, he also said she's got a therapist because of the whole family thing going on that's killing her nerves."

"We'll be back soon and I'll see if I can figure out where she lands on the genius spectrum.  Though he was bragging that she likes her upcoming school."

"That's always a good sign.  I used mine often enough as a refuge from stress."  They shared a look.  "I doubt she'll need it the same way I did."

"Me either.  I wonder where Daniel is."

"No idea," Rodney admitted.  "It wasn't in my email from him."  They shared a look.  "We can visit once we're home."

"Sure."  They got back to work making sure they would make it home.  They really wanted to go home.

***

Xander was watching the news when he sighed and looked around.  "Olivia, did you do something?" he called.

"No, was Tara's mean auntie's people," she called.

"How do you know?"

"One called and said they would try to blame the baby," Peter said.  "I pointed out I was an adult who had answered the phone with her.  We did not let baby answer the phone by herself.  Then I called Beckett."  He smiled from where he was writing.

Xander leaned over to kiss him.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Book?"

"Damn."  He got his own laptop and got back to work.  The kids had an appointment in two hours but that was fine.  "What are you doing?" Xander called.

"Washing Barbie's hair with Shannon," she called back.

"Okay, that's fine.  Brad?"

"Helping."

"Sure."  They got back to their mundane jobs.  At least until there was a kitty scream and then a baby scream.  Then Peter barely beat Xander up the stairs because he was closer to them.  "What happened?" Xander ordered.  Brad was sobbing.  Shannon and Olivia were trying to comfort him.  "Did you guys try to give a cat a bath?"  Shannon nodded, pouting at him.

"Peter, go get the kit please?" he asked.  He came in and squatted down in front of Brad.  "Let me see, little man.  Oh, you probably need some stitches."  Peter got the car keys instead and helped herd the girls toward the elevator.  Olivia didn't have time to change but she grabbed a shirt to put on in the elevator and shoes for her and her sister.  They got them into the car and Xander fussed over Brad for now.  It wasn't that long to the local ER.  The nurse gave them a horrified look. "He was upstairs trying to bathe the cat."

"I can see that.  We're not busy right now," she admitted, going to get a senior nurse.

"Peter, can you call them in as late to therapy or possibly off?"

"I can do so."  He did that then cuddled the girls to keep them out of trouble.  They all got brought back because there was only a few others in there and they had less detailed things.  Brad might need more than a few stitches.  "We were on the couch and they were bathing Barbies.  Then we heard a scream," he told the nurse.

"That kitty cat was downright mean not to want to be a Barbie," the nurse said, smiling at Brad.  "Let's blot some of those so we can see how deep they really are."

Xander pointed.  "That's going to need stitches."  She gave him a look.  "Post-battle wounds."

"Oh, okay."  She got the attending in and she agreed.  So Brad got some local and some stitches while his sisters tried to get in the way, while Peter was trying to hold them back.  Then they went to their PT and therapists.

Xander delivered the younger two to her.  "Bathing a cat."

"I can tell."  She hugged Brad then Shannon.  "Its all right.  We'll do little things today so he doesn't have to be in pain."  Shannon beamed at her and nodded.

Xander went to sit with Olivia.  "Whose idea was bathing the cat?" he asked her.

"His.  He grabbed the kitty wife and you know she's mean," Olivia told him.

"I know. And Dean needs to clip his kitty wife's claws too."  The therapist giggled.  "Seriously.  Brad has stitches."

"Ow, poor kid.  We don't close the bathroom?"

"Then how would I use it?" Olivia asked.

"Good point.  I never considered that."

"The kids roam everywhere upstairs except my room and the emergency exit to the pool area," Xander told her.  "Yesterday Shannon went up and down the elevators for *six hours* and giggled the whole time.  John used her to help bring up groceries."

"Sometimes it's the simple pleasures that do it for kids," she said.  Peter stepped in and hissed in Xander's ear.  "You can join us, Peter."

"Brad could use some cuddling and doesn't want me."

"I'll go cuddle him and you sit with Olivia?" he asked, looking at the baby.  Who beamed and nodded.  "Okay then."  He got up and went to sit with Brad and Shannon.

Peter sat down.  "He is not in nice mood."

"I wouldn't be either.  Stitchees must hurt," Olivia said.

"They can, yes," Peter agreed.  "I was hoping none of you would need some."

"They happen, like car accidents.  Missy said accidents happen when you don't expect them to, that's why they're accidents."

"Very true," Peter agreed.

"Who is Missy?" the therapist asked.

"She's her daycare room worker," Peter said with a smile.  "A member of Tara's coven."

"That's wonderful.  It seems like she has sense."  She got Olivia to come talk to her about things.  That was handy and when she asked why she was playing with dolls she said her sister liked them because their father had liked them to play with them.

Olivia looked at Peter.  "Should Shannon have my crossbow?"

"I think she is getting her own for holidays from Santa or Grandfather."

She beamed.  "That'd be really cool!  Then we could both play and shoot at Brad when he's being a butt."

"Do not call your brother names," Peter chided gently.  "He is younger and doing best he can."

"He's still a boy."

"True, as are your uncles."  He smirked.

"Yes, but you're a grownup boy.  I learned that when I tried to give Uncle Kevin boy toys to make him less nervous about his wedding."

"True, you did."  The therapist gave him an odd look so he waved a hand.  Olivia babbled about that.  Peter put in a few words and she was cackling that it was adorably helpful.  Olivia grinned at her and they got down to talking about Alexis because Olivia was still pouty about her.

Xander came back a half-hour later with Brad snuggled into him.  "He's too tired and sore to work today.  Shannon's showing her how she learned how to pounce this weekend."  He sat down beside Peter, letting Brad keep his lap.

Olivia looked over.  "We need tylenol."

"You're still a sister, not the mommy," Xander said gently.  "I know how to give him meds, 'Liv."

"I know."

"The nurse gave him some."

"Oh.  That's good then."  She turned back around.  "Is that normal?" she asked the therapist.

"Sometimes.  Especially when you try to be very helpful for one parent and the other doesn't need it as much.  Though, you're much too young to do more than hand over the bottle so an adult could give him medicine."

"You can't measure yet," Xander said when she pouted.  "It's not like measuring to cook."

"Oh.  I guess that makes sense since Mommies and Daddies should."  Xander nodded, smiling at her.  "Sometimes I want to fuss though."

"You can fuss over him tonight.  Make sure he's comfy, has his favorite stuffed animals, that you read to him later so he has a bedtime story."  She beamed and nodded.  "Before then though, there's no touching the medicines.  At all, Olivia.  Promise me."

"I promise."

"Thank you.  I don't want you to accidentally hurt him because you don't realize how tiny a baby measurement is."

"I won't."  She patted her baby brother.  "Come color with me?"  He shook his head and pouted.  She gave him a cuddle.  "You'll feel better tomorrow," she crooned, kissing him on the head.  "You're a good boy and we'll tell Uncle Dean to clip his kitty wife's nails."  She sat down and talked about the kitty wife because her talking doctor looked very confused.  On the way home, Uncle Xander stopped to get them peppermint candy ice cream and then let her call her Uncle Dean.  "Your kitty wife was really, really, *really* mean, Uncle Dean.  She scratched Brad a lot and baby brother had to go to ER."  She handed the phone over.  "He's swearing at kitty wife."

Xander took it.  "Brad tried to give her a bath, Dean.  Fourteen stitches.  Two deep claws, a few that have steristrips.  Yup, not a happy kitty wife by any means.  But she does need her nails clipped.  Wrap her in a shirt and do one paw at a time, Dean.  I need to do the others' anyway.  Thanks.  Yeah, we're in.  We're having ice cream soup for dinner with fruit soup.  Thanks, man."  He hung up.  "He'll come check on Brad later and clip her claws."

They smiled and Peter got to work melting the ice cream while Xander blended the fruit for fruit soup. The kids all enjoyed it and it was great with them.  After that was a holiday special on DVD and then bath time.  Though Brad had to pout at his washcloth bath since it didn't have bubbles or toys.  Then Olivia read the bedtime story and they went to bed.  Dean came off the elevator and whistled.  He caught his kitty wife and took her to clip her claws on the porch, with a bit of swearing when she swatted him.

***

Sam looked up as someone beamed into Xander's living room.  "Everyone else is at work or at a meeting with Paula, General Jack.  I'll hellbeast sitting."

"That's fine."  He sat down.  "What happened to you, little guy?"

"He tried to bathe a cat."

"Ah!"  He nodded.  "I tried to help give our new flying monkey friend a bath.  Needed thirty stitches and they debated rabies shots."  Sam cackled, nodding.  "Though it's very happy with its new feeding grounds."

"Good.  What would I need to do to join your project to handle the demons that came running to us about you meeting their ancestors?"

Jack grimaced.  "Is that the blue people?"  Sam showed him the entry.  "Oh, them.  A PhD in something useable or military service in the Marines or Air Force, kid."

"Shoot."

"Sorry."  He smiled at the people coming off the elevator.  "Hey, Faith."

"General J.  Hey, kiddies."  They smiled and waved then went back to their art.  "Wow, more powerful than Sesame Street."  Jack snickered, shaking his head.  "X said we're making plans today for LA?"

"That's what he told me," Jack agreed.  "I'm a bit early."

"Paula was a bit late," Sam said.  "She turned her ankle while yelling at a pickpocket."

"That's charming.  I can offer our flying, biting fish to help her."

"I think she needs a biting purse dog," Olivia said.

"Could help, yeah," Faith agreed.  She sat down.  Peter and Xander came off the elevator a few minutes later.  "Good news?"

"I have to decorate and throw a book party."  She winced.  "The tree can be fenced off though."  He looked at Jack.  "There's three plots.  Which one would you like to hear about?"

"All three?"

"Two are maybes," Sam said.  He got up to get them from the office.  "I still say this one's a cover."

"It is," Xander agreed.  "For one of their servant races.  They're going to go at it and then blame their 'masters' for making them.  They're a hive species."

"Good to know.  Anything on how to fight them?"  Sam pulled that up for him.  "I need you looking up research for us," he said.  "I can't find hardly anything and you find some pretty obscure places."  Sam grinned at that compliment.  They went over everything on them and it was ready to be planned.

***

Xander had enough.  He pushed the intercom button.  "House meeting."  He let it go and walked to the living room.  "I'm going to talk quietly because someone has Santa radar," he said quietly.  "I'm going to beat the shit out of anyone who destroys the kids' belief in Santa or anything that makes them happy over this holiday.  This is the first Christmas for two of them and Olivia was too worried last year to really get into it."  He looked around the gathered adults.  "Kids need a belief in Santa and other childish deities to have a later belief in anything."  He looked at Peter.  "I heard that Mickey ruined Nick's belief but the kids need it."

"You would beat me?" Peter asked, smiling slightly.

"That's what sparring is for."  He smirked back.

"True.  I will not discourage it.  I know you have worked hard to make holidays good for the children."

"And someone else tried to tell them that God was the only reason for the season.  Thankfully Olivia told her about Solstice.  Then I told her I'd beat her senseless if she ever told my niece that again."  He rubbed his forehead.

"My boys did fine without that," John complained.

Xander looked at them.  "No they didn't.  They still can't believe in anything now."  John glared.  He stared back.  "Can they?"

"They're not ones for faith."

"Or believing in anything else.  The magical thinking is good for their thinking processes and how they grow creatively.  Can we all agree with that?  Their hopes and dreams will be shattered soon enough by reality and school friends.  Olivia already had to learn about deputized Santas at the stores thanks to someone at daycare and I scowled them into running for their lives."

"The kids will be fine, kid," John assured him.  "Lots of kids don't believe in Santa.  They already know about the Goddess, all the church stuff, all that."

Xander stared at him.  "What did you do for Dean's second Christmas?  And his first one?"

"Mary went nuts," he admitted, looking at his sons, smiling slightly.  "Even his third one.  I got pushed out of the way and told to decorate the tree and keep Dean from eating it."

"Ours will have air blowers to keep the cats out again.  That's how we did it with the fake tree last year."  He rubbed his forehead again.  "Peter, do you have any special ornaments or anything you want on the tree?"

"We will pick things out together.  I do not usually decorate."

Xander grinned.  "I found some really pretty glass ones?"

"We'll see."  Xander nodded, sitting next to him.  Peter gave him the cuddle he wanted.  "Which one has Santa sensing radar?"

"Olivia taught the other kids about him.  Including all the specials on tv."  Peter moaned.  "They're usually about bedtime.  They can take the place of bedtime stories."

"We will endure," Peter assured him, kissing him on the head.  "Headache again?"

"Tired."

"Then you should sleep more," Dean quipped with a grin.

Xander stuck his tongue out.  "I've done nothing but sleep for two days."

Peter checked.  "Fever again."

"It's a cold.  I've taken medicine."  Peter smiled at that sensibleness.  "Okay.  Tree?  Anyone know any good lots?"  John nodded.  "It goes in that corner beside the office doorway," he said with a point.  "We can put a fence around it for the book event."  They all nodded at that.  "Mickey, did you want invited?"

"Hell no."

Xander smirked.  "We don't get a choice."

"I know."  He grinned.  "Have fun."

"I sat in corner most of my last one," Peter said.  "Until mental hookers showed up."  Xander snickered.

"I heard," Mickey said.

"Dude, they tried to get us too," Dean told him.  "Honestly, even I had to flinch away from the butt cheeks hanging out.  I nearly quoted Olivia about it."

Xander shook his head.  "For the book event, we have to do some decorating.  Maybe a few laying wreaths and candles?" he asked Peter.

"I know nothing about decorating."

"If we don't, Paula will."

"Ask Martha?" Peter suggested.

"Then we'll have frou-frou things.  I'd like more a winter solstice thing."

"We will see what we can do.  Catered?"

"Yup.  We'll be draping the porches with some fabric sheets and putting some heaters out there.  The pool is covered. The DJ usually sets up down here and the bar is up there.  Bar is minimal, music is quietish so you can talk over it.  We'll have to pick up the living room and put a babygate across the stairs, plus lock the sauna and the storage closet."

Peter nodded.  "That makes sense.  We can do that.  The art corner?"

"We can put a nice tent around it."  He grinned.  "Decorate the tent a bit with a few hanging ornaments."

"We can do that," Peter decided.

"That's easier than moving it all," John said.  "Presents?"

"One for each if you're not doing a group thing.  Santa is going to be weighed down when he climbs down from the pool."

They smiled and nodded.  "Do the kids play dressup?" Dean asked.

"Yes but Daniel hated that.  His son dressed up as a pretty princess and he nearly had a fit."

"I had to send him outside to swear," John said.  "Are you sure Daniel would like that?"

"I don't really think he'd win that argument since Willow believed in the tooth fairy until she was twelve."

John shook his head quickly.  "Are her parents around?"

"No clue," Xander admitted.  "No one saw them after they went to a conference about six weeks after they almost burned her at the stake.  Even if they were around, it's been all over the news that they're Willow's kids.  They haven't written."

"Are Daniel's family sending anything?" John asked.

"To George.  He can be a filter."

They all nodded.  "The parade?" Dean asked.

"On tv," Xander said.  "We'd have to get there the night before to wait out all night so we got a good spot."

"No, I don't want to see that happen," Sam said with a shudder.

"Who's going to the coven thing?" Dean asked.

"Whoever wants to go and can be respectful," Xander said.  "I'm going, I go every year."  He looked at Peter.

"I can go and be respectful.  The kids will raise hell."

"They always get to dance around the fire with the rest of us.  We'll have a picnic."

"I can go guard," Dean offered.

"Most of the time we're not bothered," Xander said.

"It'd still be safer," Dean said.

"Okay.  Talk to Tara and Gloria."

"We can do that," John agreed.  "Which church are we going to for Mass?"

"Father Morgan's?" Xander said, looking at Peter.  Who shrugged but nodded.

"Then Nick's church for the Orthodox one," Mickey said.  Xander nodded.  "No Kwanza celebration or anything?"

"I don't feel right busting into one unless we're invited.  That seems to be a cultural thing," Xander said.  "Like the Japanese embassy has a Japanese Santa thing every year and it seemed to be for the Japanese kids and not anyone else.  Olivia and I were really uncomfortable as the only white people in the room last year."

"I can agree with that," John said.  "There's enough traditions within the family group to confuse an adult."

"We have got to have her and Alexis talk," Xander said quietly.  "She's still really pissed off that Alexis is going to college."  They nodded and made notes about the upcoming schedules.  Peter had to change one of his interviews to later in the day but that was about usual.  Xander sent an updated copy to Paula so she'd know.  All the way into January so she didn't schedule any conflicts.  She sent back a note about decorating.  He sent back what they had decided and she could complain if she wanted.  Or they could rent somewhere instead.  She complained by yay.  He pointed out it was a home, not a showplace, and there were three children, two grown men, and occasionally three Winchesters living there.

Peter took the phone and tossed it in a free seat.  "She can complain later."  He kissed Xander on the forehead again.  "When are you due new medicine?"

"I'm fine.  Thank you."  He hugged him.  "He even helped me when I've been stuck for the last week."  Everyone grinned at Peter.  It was true love to deal with stuck muses.

***

Rick looked at his daughter.  "Have you and Olivia talked?"

"I tried, she pouted and stomped off."  She got some water and looked at him.  "I don't know what's wrong."

"She thinks you're abandoning her and doesn't understand that you'll be back."  He smiled at her.  "She'll get used to it but she's pouting."

"I'll go spend some time with the kids this week."  She gave him a hug around the neck.  "I'm not abandoning you either, Dad."  She walked off.

"I know you'll be back to get real food and laundry done," he said with a smile.  He went back to his proofreading.  His phone beeped so he looked at it.  Xander had sent a 'save me, they're fussing'.  He snickered and sent back a 'that's what a husband does'.  His phone went next to him.

Alexis came jogging down the stairs.  "Olivia just called to talk because she's sad about John not believing in Santa."  Rick held up his keys.  She kissed him on the cheek and hugged him around the throat.  "Thanks."  She headed over to talk to her.  Everyone stared when she came off the elevator.  "Olivia called."  Xander moaned.  "It's a kid thing, not a huge trauma this time."  She headed up the stairs.  Olivia opened her door when Alexis knocked.  "You need to talk?"  She walked in and took off her jacket, curling up next to the kiddy couch Olivia sat on.  "What's up?"

Olivia pouted and talked to her about the Santa thing. It was really late when she finished talking.  Alexis explained a few things. Olivia listened and shifted to hug her.  "I'll miss this."

"Silly, I'll be back all the time."  She smiled.  "It'll give you a new place to want to visit too.  College is *great*; it's like school only you don't have to listen to parents anymore."  Olivia cheered up as Alexis explained college to her.  She got up and went to get Xander's laptop, coming back looking up a movie.  She sat down with Olivia to watch _PCU_.  Olivia giggled at some of it even though a lot went over her head.  "College is like that only less smelly."

Olivia hugged her around the throat.   "Will you have boys like that?"

"Maybe."  She grinned.  Olivia beamed back.  "I think, and I'm pretty sure with all my years of experience with Santa, that if you don't believe in him he's still around."  She winked.  "Even the deputized ones."  She yawned.  Olivia yawned back.  "It's late."

Olivia nodded.  "It has very tiny numbers on the clock."

Alexis looked then smiled at her.  "We need to nap.  You have daycare tomorrow.  I have school.  We need to nap."

"You stay?"

"Sure, I'll stay."  She texted her father and curled up next to Olivia on the fuzzy, soft rug.  Alexis pulled down a blanket and Olivia's stuffed friend.  They cuddled up together and it was nice.  Olivia was nearly sweet enough to make her want one of her own.  In a few years, her father would freak out otherwise.

***

Olivia grimaced as she walked past Dean's bedroom.  "Light a match, dude," she called then giggled and ran down the stairs.

Xander looked at her.  "What did you two watch?"

"College boys!" she said, twirling around.

Xander considered it then went to get his laptop to see.  "Oh!  College boys."  He came back down the stairs.  "I agree, Dean needs to light a match."

"Can we get hair like that?"

He looked at her.  "No.  It wouldn't look as good on you.  You can get clip-in ones if we can find some."  She cheered and bounced around.  She looked at the computer and beamed the movie to the tv.  She danced around while it started.

Peter watched, sipping his college.  "College in Russia is more sedate," he said.

Xander looked at him.  "College in the US too," he mouthed.  He exchanged Peter's coffee for a kiss and a muffin, taking it to sip.

John, Dean, and Sam came down the stairs to see what that noise was.  John was stuck watching the movie with Olivia to keep her happy.

"Stanford was less wild," Sam quipped, going to start his own breakfast.

"Make more coffee please?" Peter asked.  "Mine seems to have changed into a tasty, soft muffin."

Sam cackled but made more coffee for Peter, Xander, and Dean.  John was still being forced to watch the movie with Olivia.  Sam walked over breakfast and then went back to make more food.

"It has a great soundtrack if you like funk," Xander said.

"The only funk I know is from my son's sneakers," John said.

Olivia poked him hard.  "Music good!"  She went back to watching the movie.

John looked at her then at Xander.  "Does she get to listen to a lot of music?"

"Yeah.  We listen to all sorts of music.  We can listen to Arkenstone later."

Olivia looked at him.  "Is that the special, Tara music?"

"Yup."

"Good."  She climbed on John so he had to hold her.  "Sister and brother?"

"Breakfast," Xander called.  The kids ran down the stairs to come eat.  "Olivia, eat."

"I am.  Grandpa's breakfast."

John nodded, staring at her head.  "You shared my breakfast very well," he agreed.

Dean turned to snicker into Sam's shoulder.  "You did the same thing for years," he said between laughs.

"When Mickey was baby, he used to try to share with women who were breastfeeding," Peter said.  "His mother was not amused.  Though he was an adorable child so the mothers were not mad."

"If I knew any single women I'd introduce him," Xander said.

"He's not interested in settling down or I would mine contacts myself," Peter said.  He got some more coffee and went to drink while checking his email.  Olivia shifted over to help him.  "I am talking to my people in the computer.  Watch your movie."  She smiled and climbed back over John's arm and into his lap.  Peter smiled.  "Have we told George about the schedule?"

"Not yet."  Xander did that without disturbing Olivia's movie binge.

"What that?" Shannon asked, eating while she watched.

"Alexis is going there," Olivia said with a smile.

"Alexis is going to *a* college," Xander corrected.  "This is a movie about a college.  Not quite the same thing."

She swatted at him.  "Good enough for mornings."  She scowled and went back to watching.  She pointed.  "Dean's bathroom needs matches," she told John, who cuddled her.

"Yes, sometimes he does."  They kept watching.  When the music came on, Olivia got up to dance with Shannon and Brad.

"After this, _Muppets from Space_," Xander called over the squealing.  "Similar music."  Olivia ran over to find it on the computer.  "It's on a disc, Olivia.  Not on the computer."  She ran over to find it and put it in so it'd be ready.  When this one ended, they were all giggling kids and the Muppets were good for them.

When John's suffering was finally done he turned the radio onto a Motown station.  The kids stared at the radio then shrugged and went back to dancing.  It was good dancing music.

"As long as it's not disco," Xander ordered.

"Not on my agenda anyway," John assured him.  Dean and Sam went to the gym, still laughing.  John corralled the kids for daycare.

"I want hair!" Olivia complained.

"You can ask Missy how to make them," Xander said.  She cheered and ran up to get dressed.  "Time to put on clothes," he said to help John.  They all ran up and bounced around their rooms until Olivia came in to pick their clothes.

John came down the stairs.  "They're scowling that I pulled out clothes."

"All family clothes are Olivia's job," Peter reminded him as he typed.  "Otherwise she pouts."

"Good point," John complained.  "She picked out my shirt this morning too.  Laid it out last night."

Xander grinned at him.   "She's good at it even if you will need an overshirt or a jacket today.  The kids trooped past them for kisses and hugs.  "Be good for Grandpa on the way to daycare."  They stared at John until he got the car keys from Peter.  Not like they'd all fit in his truck.

***

John walked the kids into the daycare.  "Traffic is a mess again today," he said in greeting.

"It usually is," the check-in girl said.  "Is Xander sick?"

"Slightly.  Today he's writing.  Why?"

"The director had a question about the kids."  She led him to her office.  "Ma'am, John Winchester."  She went back to her desk.

John walked in.  "Problems with what they've learned in therapy?"

"Slight question.  How did Brad get stitches?"

He grimaced.  "He tried to bathe one of the cats."  She shuddered.  "I'm told they were upstairs bathing Barbies and Brad decided the cat needed a new hairdo too.  The one that hangs on Dean like his wife clawed him a few times getting away from the water.  Then they went to the ER."

"That's good.  One of the other mothers saw it and worried about Xander."

"Is that the same one he said he'd beat if they told Olivia anything against Santa?"

"No, it's the one Olivia asked if she was working."  John smirked.  That woman had no sense or taste.  "Is Olivia going to preschool next year?"

"Her birthday means that she'll be starting school at six, not five."

"That's fine.  She's a brilliant young girl.  She taught a few of the others in her room a few new words since they were trying to read."  She smiled.  "How goes the therapy?"

"They're catching on pretty well.  Brad was running again this morning.  Shannon's starting to talk more and grunt less.  Brad's not quite talking but now and then you can catch him saying a few words.  Unfortunately he sounds like he's on South Park since one word's poop and the other's damn."  She giggled.  "Yeah, trying hard to break that one.  The potty training thing is still ongoing."

"I realize it's hard."

"Daniel said he was five."

"I think she'll get it within the next year."  She smiled.  "Thank you, Mr. Winchester."

"Welcome."  He went home to check over his weapons and see what hunts were going on locally.

***

Xander got up and went to answer the door when the doorbell rang.  "Yes?" he asked, looking at the woman standing there.  "If you're selling stuff, we have plenty of whatever it is."

"I'm with CPS, Mr. Harris."

"Why the fuck are you here?" he asked bluntly.  "I'm the greatest dad to the kids."

"We had a report that one was injured?"

"He was trying to give a cat a bath."

She grimaced.  "You have cats?"

"Yes.  He's usually very good with them but the girls were having him help wash doll hair."

"Oh.  May I come in?"

"I don't know," Xander admitted, staring at her.  "I've seen plenty of you when I was younger."  He smirked.

"This is informal about that call."  He let her inside and upstairs.  "The children aren't with you?"

"They go to daycare four days a week so I can work.  I'm an author and I can't exactly pay attention to what I'm writing when I have to nag the kids about not getting paint on the carpet and things."  He sat down.  Peter looked at him.  "Someone reported us to CPS for Brad having stitches."

"Cat was mean," Peter said.  He went back to his present scene of frustration.

Xander kissed him and grinned.  "Remember, you can't kill the good guy."

"I know.  Is a shame, he is annoying me again."

"Then give him a girl he flirts with but totally gets turned down."

"I might," he said, working on that.  It would fit well with that scene and deflate his character's ego.

Xander looked at the social worker.  "Today, John took them to daycare for us so he could head home now that it had been fumigated."

"That's fine.  Are their rooms adequate?"  Xander got up and took her upstairs to show her.  "These are wonderful.

Xander grinned.  "I try."

"How many cats do you have?"

"Technically, I have one cat, Tara has three cats that came to stay with us when her last girlfriend ended up allergic, and she has a dog that sometimes visits.  Since she's pregnant the cats and dog get to visit more often here than not."

"Four isn't a hoarding problem."

"Some people think it is."

"Some people are snotty too," she said.  "Is their daycare adequate?"

"Quite and good for their learning.  Especially with how two of them have to do some age-appropriate catching up."

"That's fine."  She smiled.  "Relax.  I see no reason to take them."

"I had to deal with social workers nineteen times when I was younger."  She winced.  "And they couldn't take me so I'm honest about you guys not being my favorite people."

"I can understand that."  She walked back down the stairs.  "Do they get outside to play?"

"On the patio and to the park both," he assured her.  "Plus on the way to therapy they usually end up skipping up and down the streets each way."

"That's good."  She smiled.  "I'll report it's a childhood injury.  That cat?"

"Got her claws clipped that night.  So did the others."

"Even better.  I'll make that note.  Thank you."  She left.

Xander looked at Peter.  "She was polite and not mean," Peter said.  "I'm proud you worried less."

"I know there's people who would say stuff because we're together."

"Yes but they are dumb."  He took a kiss.  "Back to work before Paula has to come nag."

"Yup, I need to."  He sat down and got back to his own book.

Peter smiled.  His mate was calm and less bouncy today, it was a nice thing since he had worn him out earlier.

TBC...

Chapter 37: Holiday Miracles

More insanity comes as the family group gets closer to Christmas.  Especially when Santa has to deputize special gifts.

Lorne Cash carried the envelope to the doorway, pressing the buzzer to get some attention.  No answer.  He huffed and checked the GPS chip that he had subtly stuck Harris with so he could rush in and protect his buddy Peter when the inevitable happened and they got attacked.  They were both at a television studio.  "Must be interviews for their new books," he muttered, getting back into his car and heading there.  No Xander there.  He had left the little chip there though.  He went back to the house and buzzed again, getting John Winchester this time.  "It's Lorne Cash.  Where are they this time?"

"Driving range," John said then hung up.

"Great," Lorne said with another huff.  He drove over there and found them practicing.  Xander clearly needed some help with his putts.  He cleared his throat.

"We were warned you were looking for us," Xander quipped with a grin.

"I'm going to replace that GPS chip too," he said, looking at his former nemesis and now friend.  "You got the wrong sort of thing rubbed off from your husband, Shank."

"Why?" he asked, staring at him.

Lorne handed over the envelope.  "From Visiliy's will."

"How did he die?" Peter asked, opening the envelope to look at the papers inside.  He grimaced.  "He left me his local sanctuary?"

"Apparently," Lorne said, smirking at Xander.  "I saw that 'vacation home'."

Xander smirked.  "One of the Xander's during the convention of us had it.  He really liked it.  It housed a lot of his fandom collection."

Peter looked at him.  "We own another house where?"

"We own a condo in Rio and one cliff-top house with extra hidden areas in Mexico on the west coast."  He took a kiss and grinned.  "Lavelle really liked that house."

"I look forward to seeing that one then."  He looked at the forms again.  "Why leave me this?"

"He did do a lot of your training," Lorne said dryly.  Peter glared at him.  "It also has a lot of extras he thought you might enjoy.  Including a driving range somewhere.  It doesn't show up on satellite pictures.  It's probably underground like half the extras that's listed."

Peter put the envelope into his back pocket and looked at his spouse.  "We will have to visit soon."

Xander grinned.  "We can do that.  Maybe hit the other one during the signing trip?"

"Perhaps," he agreed, smiling back.  "Close to LA?"

"Nope.  Few hours."

"When did you buy that?" Peter asked.

"I had a note in to the local realtor that I wanted it if they ever sold it.  The drug dealer finally put it up for sale last year."

Lorne made a whining noise and shook his head.  "Does that mean it's safe or not, kid?"

Xander smirked. "I'm not a child and no, he never discovered the underground."  He looked at Peter.  "It even has a hidden door that opens to let in some of the sea during high tide.  Lavelle said they had seen a few dolphins in there."

Peter nodded, looking confused.  "I have not heard of such a house."

"I think I have but I thought it was further down the coast," Lorne said.  He looked at Xander.  "Any other surprises?"

"Someone in your area took note of the goat shipment method and liked it?" Xander offered with a grin.

Lorne shook his head.  "I heard.  People screamed for *days*."  He walked off shaking his head.

Peter shook his head.  "His partner is making him a drama queen," he said in Russian, cracking his husband up.  "We will work on your putt."  He moved to help him.  They had the whole driving range to themselves today.

***

Xander handed Peter the folder on the houses on his way to get a snack.  "Who has Olivia?"

"John."  He opened it to look over the house.  "I do know of this house.  I thought it was lower in the peninsula."  He looked over the plans and moaned.  "Has whole underground cavern system?"

"And pools from the sea that fill during high tide.  Some that get fish.  Some that get a few dolphins.  Once a small shark."

Peter smiled.  "Easy fish dinner then.  Is there an easy access port?"

"Almost.  Right now there's stairs but Lavelle told me how he got an elevator in there.  We'd have to knock through one wall and a ceiling in the middle level of cavern."  He came out to sit and nibble next to him.  He pointed.  "Lavelle had his fandom collections there and some tithes some people gave him.  He had a workshop there for when he was tinkering with stuff."

"Weapons?"

"Sometimes.  He learned how to build most anything from plans.  He and his daughter with Jigen built a lot of stuff together."  He sipped his coffee.

"Was not Jigen a male thief?" Peter asked.  Xander got up to get a book, flipping through it as he sat down.  He handed it over when he got to that part.  Peter read the short note on the artifact.  Inside, his muscles were clenching.  That sounded very evil.  "Is it in existence here?"

"Yes.  In my safety deposit box."  Peter stared at him.  He grinned.  "Janus made it so he could have his own kids when he got put into it.  It was reparation for what he went through."

Peter closed the book and kissed him.  "Can we destroy that?"

"Nope.  It's an important chaos artifact and it might be very handy at times."  He stole another kiss and let Peter steal some of his vegetables.  "It's very handy.  During the next convention, I want to bring you.  Last time Olivia got brought with me.  She had tons of fun playing with all the Xanders."

Peter nodded.  "It would be interesting to see what else you had become."

Xander smirked.  "Rick met one of them and Lavelle."

"Huh."  He texted him.  What he got back made him grimace and share that with Lorne to give him a headache. He got back a 'prove it' and told him who to ask.  Then he put his phone aside and pulled Xander closer to rid his mind of the bad mental places it had went.  Xander let out a warm, deep chuckle and let him do whatever he wanted.

Dean came off the elevator.  "Jeez, guys," he complained, heading upstairs.  His cat jumped off the top of the cabinet and followed him with a loud meow.  "Sure, kitty wife.  We'll hide from the gay sex."

Xander cackled, letting Peter distract him some more.  He adored being married.

***

Lorne Cash hung up and walked off to bang his head on a wall.  His boss walked past him shaking his head.  "There's been another Xander that visited here by accident," he complained when he heard the familiar footsteps.

"Presently?"

"No, or else we'd have problems since he was the President of his US."

His boss, Micah Simms, considered that.  "No one would screw with us ever again."  He walked off shaking his own head.  "He could hoard all the weapons he wanted too."

Lorne thumped his head a few more times to get the new bad images out of his head.  He had to make sure it wasn't going to happen here.  It'd destroy all the parts of the US that people would complain about if Xander became president here.  Or worse, he'd be asked to be their bodyguard.  He'd never get any peace and quiet if they asked him to do that.

His partner, Max London, walked over to lead him off to a place where he could rest.  He let her because his mind wasn't going to quit working over the bad ideas that could happen.

***

Rick's phone rang and he grimaced but answered it, putting it on speaker.  "What's wrong?"  He went back to his currently boring scene.  He really had to do it better.

"Some woman in James' house said to quit bothering him while he's writing.  That you're becoming an obsessive and clingy frienemy who thinks he can keep up with him, and she said if you make him break his stream right now she knows some people with whips, chains, and she'd ask them to borrow one of my swords," Xander's voice said.

Rick stared at his phone, stopping his typing.  "James' wife?"

"Yes, I'd guess.  I've never met the woman," Xander said dryly.  "Why are you competing with him this time?"

"He has a game."

Xander huffed.  "Rick, have you ever played the games?  It's a bit boring.  You're finding a lot of stuff that's not even related to the storyline.  If you want your own hidden object game, make it more like the Dark Parables series."

He got into his browser to look those up.  "Huh," he said, reading over them.  "Maybe I can do that."  He looked at the phone again.  "Why did she call you?"

"She said it was mean if she swore at you herself.  She didn't want to make you cry."

"I don't cry.  And I'm writing too."

"Uh-huh.  Want to try my genre for a while?" Xander quipped.

"Hell.  No."

Xander cackled.  "Oh, come on, you got me writing a few light mysteries."

"I'd miss all the good stuff about mine."

"You can write supernatural mysteries.  There's a heavy genre for it.  You can even put some smutty parts in it."

"No, I'll stick with mine, thanks."  Rick shook his head quickly.

"You sure?  Because I'll let you have my recent 'who killed the knight' idea about the knight that wasn't all that holy or nice."

Rick glared at the phone.  "Keep your muses to yourself, Xander, or I'm going to send Mother over to spank you."  He could hear Peter cackling at that idea.  "It's bad enough Alexis brought back that *bunny*."  Now he could hear louder cackling from Peter.

"I think she bought you your own when you got stuck," Xander quipped.  "Mine's still here.  He's encouraging Brad to babble ideas at him."

Rick moaned.  "Don't give me ideas!"

Xander cackled and blew a kiss.  "Shannon said you need kisses because you have a bad head."  He hung up.

Rick hung up on his end and got up to get a beer.  He really needed a beer now.  That was such a bad idea.  Though he did write James' wife an apology email for nearly interrupting his flow.  Now he had all sorts of bad ideas thanks to Xander.  It was almost evil of him.  He sent Peter an email to please splash Xander with holy water to make sure he wasn't possessed again and then to cure his mind if he wasn't.  Before he warped Rick into writing elves or anything like that.  Though that knight idea was starting to speak to him....  No, he shoved it aside and went back to his boring, normal storyline.  Though, one of the visiting detectives seemed to become a bit more knight-like, but that was probably his imagination.

***

Paula looked at her three best authors a few days before Christmas and shook her head.  "I don't know what happened recently but stop it, boys."  They all gave her odd looks.  "Peter, did your protagonist really have to go to the goats?"

"Yes, he did.  Many times," Peter said.

She moaned and shook her head.  "Make it more subtle and hint that it's not a normal human.  That way they can think it might be a trannie, it might be a ghost, it might even be a goat but don't outright say it's a goat."  He nodded at that.  "And fix chapter three, this week please."  He pouted but nodded.  "Thank you."  She looked at Rick.  "Since when did you write fantasy novels?"  He groaned and glared at Xander.  Xander shrugged but grinned.  "That explains that."

She sighed.  "Your visiting detective only needs the ears," she said, handing back a bunch of papers.  "Tone him down so we don't get questions about if Alexian wrote with you again."  Rick nodded, taking them to see which ones they were.  She looked at Xander.  "Once again you tried to travel into another genre without success."  Xander grimaced.  "What were you thinking?"

"I was mostly typing to the history channel and helping the kids with their stuff."

"I saw 'Brad, don't pat the cats that hard please' a few times," she admitted.  "And 'Shannon, quit tormenting your siblings, now' as well."  He nodded, looking at the table.  "If you're going to write action scenes, have Peter proofread them."

"He was busy.  I can see it in my head, I can act it out, I can't write it though."

"So stick to fantasy."

"Sword fights," he countered.

"Good point but yay."  She handed him back the shredded mass.  "If you can turn that into the three or four books it really is, I might be happy with two of them.  Though I have no idea why your CSI elves are presently stockpiling weapons."

"Because they're like that?"

"Uh-huh.  Is it going to cross over into the hunter universe?"

"Maybe?  Maybe a small magical apocalypse?"

"Maybe but stereotypical for you," she countered.  "Do something unusual for a chance.  Shock the hell out of your readers, Xander."  He handed over a few pages.  She read them and her eyebrows went up.  She looked at him then shuddered.  "Keep it on the light side.  Nothing you'd have to check and clear with me first."  He nodded and grinned.  She put it into her purse.  "How much do you have done?"

"Six chapters?"

"I want to see the rest later."  He nodded.  "Thank you.  And get Peter to help you since you go mightily overboard about the smut."  He nodded and grinned at his husband.  She looked at Rick.  "Why are you talking to game people without telling me?"

"I want something better than James' newest one.  Xander gave me a good model to look at for it."

"Uh-huh," she said, staring at him.  "Must you compete with him?"

"It's royalties and if they do a good job, people will want to play it which might bring in new readers."

"That could be nice, yes.  There's a lot of hidden object games out there though."

"Yes, but mine isn't going to be searching for things that are unrelated and just lying around in a scene.  Each of the things you hunt in mine will be relevant and useful."

"That might help."  She tapped her fingers a few times.  "I want to see it when it's at the prototype stage."  He nodded with a smile.  "Good.  If you want to write a fantasy novel we'll figure out how to market it."

"It's his fault.  Him and that plot bunny.  It spawned and showed up in my study."

"I told you Alexis bought it for you," Xander quipped with an evil smirk.  "She thought you might get stuck without her prompting an idea now and then."

Rick glared at him.  "The thing is going with her to college to help her write research papers."

"I've already gotten her one."  Xander pulled out his phone to show him.  "See, a research topic octopus."

Rick whined and shook his head.  "You're going to drive me nuts."

"The guy who did the Star Trek one did another one but I'm Tigger's twin."  He smirked at Paula.

"I saw that."  She shook her head quickly.  "Peter, no more candy before meetings please?"

"I needed it.  I missed breakfast trying to catch Brad so he would eat."

"Not you.  Your spouse."

"I haven't had candy in days," he complained.  "The kids stole all of mine."  Peter patted him on the arm with a smile.  "Did you teach them where it was?"

"Olivia showed them and taught them how to sneak into your office to get them."

"Is there any word on Daniel?" Paula asked more calmly.  "With the signing trip, the three kids are going to have some problems."

"Sam snuck over to talk to him in a dream walk.  He's getting counseled by his wife so he gets back to the guy he was.  Or so he told Sam.  He said he'd be back soon, he just had to get right in his own mind."  She grimaced.  "But John's watching them."  He grinned.  "Even if Daniel shows back up, the judge wants him to get some counseling before he takes over full custody of the kids.  John's going to be watching the warehouse for us while we're gone and he promised he'd stay with the kids and Daniel if he's back by then."

"I don't understand why he went," Rick said.

"He went to talk to Willow about how to be the guy he was before they were taken and things went wrong.  He had adjustment shock and was turning into his mother, without the gay phobia problems.  He hated that about himself and decided it was easier to retreat than to fight it."  Rick nodded once at that.  "Which sucks a lot," he assured him.  "The kids are asking for him nearly daily now.  Especially with the holidays coming."

"We took them to visit him at the clinic but that made Shannon cry," Peter said more quietly, glancing around.

Xander looked back at the person staring at them.  "Yes?"

"Olivia's father?"

"He's in deep meditation talking with his wife since she's still trapped.  It was over three years there."

"That's going to change how you see things," she agreed.  "Does he need a good recommendation, Alexian?"

"No, we have one that's working with the kids."  He grinned.  "Thanks anyway."

"You're welcome.  Are you going to come in to interview about your newest book soon?  I know we're not a huge newspaper like the Times but you hardly ever show up for us."

"We schedule appointments when people call in and ask for them," he told her with a smile.  "You never call and ask.  We're not going to call around and beg for interviews.  That makes me look desperate and like a media ho."

She grinned.  "I'll have my editor call soon."  She winked and went back to her lunch.

Paula made a note for herself about that.  "Okay," she said, looking at Peter.  "Fix those few things and give them to me by the end of the month?"   He smiled and nodded.  "Good boy."  Xander barked.  "Not you."  She stared at him.  "What was it that Olivia called it?  Fixity fix fix fixing?"  He groaned but nodded.  She smirked.  "You too, Rick."

"I will."  His phone went off.  "That's Beckett."  He answered and got up to walk off.  "New body?" he guessed.  He listened.  "I can do that.  Yes, I do own a tie," he complained.  "I'll be there to meet with him in an hour."  He hung up.  "I'm being called to testify in a case," he said as he walked back.  "Let me go change."  He put down money for his part of the tab and left.

Paula shook her head.  "Now if only it wasn't going to ruin him or kill him," she muttered.

"You have to take happiness where you can," Xander reminded her gently.  "He hasn't been this excited in years, right?"  She nodded that was true, sipping her wine.  "He knows he's doing dangerous things.  I'm pretty sure Martha and Alexis both reamed him pretty good about it."

"They did," she agreed.  Then she sighed.  "I wish it ...."  Xander reached over to cover her mouth, glaring at her.  "Sorry."

"Thank you.  I don't need to see another wishverse," he said then shuddered.   Peter stroked over Xander's knee subtly and he calmed himself down.  "We'd all like it if people didn't want to hit Rick on the head, but that can happen even with a mugging and that is fairly common in this city."

"True."  She finished her wine.  "Xander, I'm having a tiny bit of trouble shopping that smutty piece to a bigger publisher so it gets wider acclaim."

He shrugged.  "As long as it sells enough to break even people will start to talk about it sometime.  I do okay in sales in my traditional fantasy stuff.  The paranormal fantasy genre is pretty packed and some of it's going downhill in quality.  That's why I did a few things in other genres for a while.  That way I'd get new readers and they'd go 'that's not like that series at all'."

"And nothing sparkles," Peter said.

Xander and Paula both shuddered.  "I write better than that even without an editor," he assured his husband. "Nothing of mine sparkles that shouldn't."

"That is very nice thing," Peter agreed.  "CSI Elves would be funny looking if they sparkled."  Xander whimpered, giving him a dirty look.  "You can write later, after kids are back."  Xander pulled out his phone to make notes on it.  Peter grinned at Paula, who rolled her eyes.

Xander leaned over to whisper in Peter's ear, getting that same horrified look back that he had just given Peter.  Xander smirked.  "Happy writing, dear."

"I hope so."  He made his own notes and put them into his pocket.  Xander put his phone up and they went back to very nice lunch.

Paula shook her head.  "You two are very suited to each other, boys."  Xander beamed at her for that complement.  "I'm guessing the kids are at daycare?"  Xander smirked and nodded.  "Good.  That way you can have a few hours of peace and quiet to vacuum."

"They can complain that I didn't let anyone near the tree if they want to.  The offer to rebuy all the kids' presents still stands."  He and Paula shared a look.  "I think it was nice that Marigold said it was a darling tree with the presents for the kids underneath and how I had covered their art area so nicely by tenting it and putting ornaments so it looked decorative."

"It was nice looking," she agreed.  "Some people are nosy."

Xander nodded.  "I caught one in our bedroom looking in our bedside drawers, which they had to pick open with the nailfile I found on them."

"I wondered what he had done to be handed to Esposito."

"Same guy that was publishing things about married gay people things?" the reporter asked, looking back at them.

"No, that's his boyfriend," Xander said dryly.  "To counter the idiot Rylin."

"Oh, him," she sighed and nodded.  "His editor was not pleased that he was arrested."  She grinned.  "Do you like Rory's column?"

"I've read it a few times and it's nicely factual but a bit snarky."  He shrugged.  "Whatever works to make your marriage or relationship a happy and content one in that area, as long as there's consent and no one's getting hurt against their will."

She smiled.  "You two are obviously very much still in your honeymoon phase, Alexian.  It's adorable."  She put down money and left.

Xander grinned at Peter.  "That's because you're much prettier than I am."

Peter smirked.  "Is why I was chosen as spy but you would make a good one."  Xander beamed at that complement.

Paula groaned.  "You two make me have cavities."

"For your Yule present, would you like a gift certificate for something to help that?" Xander offered with a grin.  She swatted him.  "I'm not offering a gigolo certificate or something."

"I don't need not-real semi-boyfriends either," she said dryly.

"Okay.  Then I guess we're letting Olivia pick it out."

She smiled.  "Your niece has great taste.  I've done a good job helping her learn what girls consider nice."  She put down money.  They did the same and left.  She put down the tip too because she could write it off as a business expense.  She had been meeting with her authors and the IRS said that was all right.

***

Xander walked into the daycare and grabbed Shannon since she was pouting at one of the workers, throwing her into the air and catching her.

She scowled.  "No sneak!" she ordered.

He grinned.  "I can sneak all I want to.  That's why I'm the unclie."

She pouted and pointed.  "Lolli?"

"When we get home you can have a candy cane."  She beamed at the worker and stuck her tongue out.  Peter tapped it with a finger so she pulled it back in.  "Thank you, much more polite," Xander told her.  "Auntie Tara will be proud of that."  She snuggled in.  "Want to get Olivia and Brad for us?"

"No."

"'Liv?" Xander called.  She came squealing out and pounced Peter since his hands were free.  "Long day?" he teased.

She nodded.  "The fish are having their water changed so we're in the lunch room."  She went to get Brad, who came out pouting.  "We go home now," she reminded him.

He brightened up.  "Caca?"

"You can have a candy cane when we get home too," Xander said with a smile and a pat on the head for him.  "Go get your things."  Olivia ran to do that.  "Brad, get your bag for us."  He beamed and went to get it with the room monitor's help.  Xander grinned at her for it.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome."  She patted Shannon on the back.  "You have a good day, Shannon."  Shannon smiled shyly then hid her face.  They signed out and went home.  The workers decided to talk about how to keep the begging things from wanting things they couldn't have.  Brad had a pout like his uncle's.  Shannon's was so pathetic at times that they had to give in.  At least Olivia asked instead of pouted at them now.  Tara had done a good job on her manners.

***

Xander was staring around the house Christmas Eve, grimacing.  The kids were moping over Daniel.  They were enjoying things that the rest of the family came up with but they still wanted their dad, which Xander could never be.  So he was up, pacing, worrying about the kids.  Peter came down the stairs and stopped him, staring at him until he talked.  "Daniel."

"If we could wake him up, we would."

"I probably could but there's no guarantee that he'd stay," Xander said quietly.

"He has pouted enough.  If he is not better by now, then we have many therapists in this city."

Xander nodded.  "We do, yeah."  He grabbed his jacket.  Peter gave him a pointed look then his pajama bottoms.  Xander shrugged.  "I can be jammie boy tonight."  He smiled and took a kiss.  "I'll be back soon."  He went down to grab the car and drive to the demon council's building.  The guard there gave him a very strange look.  "Daniel."

The guard nodded.  "The kids would probably like him back."

"Yeah, they would."  He walked in and headed up to the clinic.  The night shift nurse glared at him and he flipped her off.  He had taken out her sister while she was high and trying to kill a college dorm a few years back.  He found Daniel's bed and stared then punched him in the stomach.  Daniel gasped and woke up, glaring at him.  The nurse came in and removed his breathing tube.  "Now that you've caused irreparable harm to all three of your children, would you maybe like to show up for Christmas morning?" he asked politely, staring at him.

Daniel rubbed his stomach, moaning some.  "We were talking."

"It's been four months," Xander said.  "We have plenty of therapists on this realm, Daniel.  Including the one your eldest sees because you're freaking her mind out.  It's Christmas.  Get your ass up and let's go make the kids happy.  Okay?"

Daniel nodded.  "They need me."

"They need you to be better," Xander corrected.  "But today they need your presence.  Then you can go talk to Willow, go to an in-patient therapy center, whatever, just as long as you *explain* it *first*."

Daniel swallowed and nodded.  "I can do that."  The nurse checked him over and he scowled.  "I'll be fine."

"You've been down for a long time."  She glared at Xander.  "I'll have you banned!"

Xander stared at her.  "Yay?"  She huffed and went to call the guards.  Xander pulled Daniel's IV himself and handed him a bandage for the spot.  Daniel put it on and got up, finding his clothes on the shelf at the foot of his bed.  He sat down to put them on slowly, then his shoes.  By then the guards were there.  Xander looked at them.  "The kids are miserable since it's the holidays."

"Sometimes they are.  Did you have to upset her?  She shrieks, Harris."

"I'm surprised she's done shrieking at her daughter," he quipped.  He walked Daniel out and down to the car.  "Get in."  Daniel did silently.  Xander drove them home and let them inside, letting Daniel sleep on the couch since all the rooms were full of Winchesters again.  Brad had begged 'grandpa' to stay to make sure Santa wasn't a scary, bad, drooling guy.  Clearly Olivia had been telling him stories.  Xander went up to bed and stripped, climbing in next to Peter, who felt chilled.  He covered them and Peter moaned, rolling to cuddle him back.  "Thank you," he whispered.

Peter took a kiss.  "Will be better tomorrow and he can tell them himself."  Xander nodded, letting himself be soothed.  They slept as long as they could, knowing that the kids would get them up early.  The scream did it better than any alarm clock.  Xander hopped up and Peter was in front of him down the stairs.  "What happened?"

Olivia pointed.  "Someone took Daddy from the hospital!" she shouted and pointed.  "He's going to have booboos for this!"

Xander looked at the sleeping person then poked him hard, making Daniel wake up with a snort and a yawn.  "You slept through a scream that loud?"  He went to make coffee.  "Brad, get out of the presents," he called without having to look.  Brad had snuck down each night since they appeared to sleep under the tree with them and one of the cats.  "You're not a gift, you're a little boy."  Brad yawned and crawled out, making Peter smile when he got a hug.

"Good morning," Peter said, pointing at Daniel.

Brad stared then looked at Olivia.  "Bad magic!" he shouted, scowling at her.

"It wasn't me, it was Uncle Xander!"

"He wanted to spend Christmas with you guys and you guys wanted him to be here," Xander said.  He sipped his coffee, making some for John, Dean, and Sam, who were all staring from the stairs.  "Shannon, it's Christmas morning," he called.  She nearly knocked John and Dean over to get down to the tree.  Xander pointed while sipping.  She let out an awesome squeal and pounced her father.  Xander smiled at Daniel and Olivia.  "If he needs to talk to your mommy some more, he can do it from a hospital or something after we celebrate the Orthodox Christmas," he said quietly, staring her down.

She sniffled and hugged him.  "Thank you, Uncle Xander.  Not even Santa could bring him home."

He picked her up to hug her.  "I knew you wanted him, princess.  It's all right.  It's going to be a long, confusing day."  She nodded, wiggling down and going to hug Daniel too.  She had to shove Shannon over some but Shannon never minded.  Daniel gave her a look but hugged her too.

Daniel looked over.  "I know I missed the hearing.  I'll get better and then we'll talk."

Xander nodded.  "You missed it by a lot.  The judge moved it up when he heard you were protecting the youngest one."  He sipped his coffee.  "Today is not the time to talk about that.  That talk comes when you're ready to handle things again."  Daniel nodded, cuddling the kids.  Peter smiled at him for that non-ass chewing.  "Someone help me make breakfast so we can open presents."  John came over to do that, giving him a few pointed looks.  Xander nodded he was fine and it was going to be okay.  Sam and Dean helped by setting things out for breakfast.  Brad grunted and pointed at the tree.

"Use your words," Sam said gently, staring at him.  "What do you want?"

"Prez!" he crowed and grinned, still pointing.

"Eat first," Dean ordered.  Brad hopped up and went to get breakfast.  Olivia had shown him how good fruit was so he wanted some of that.  It made his sister squealy happy and proud of him.

Xander hugged him.  "Give us ten minutes and you can have breakfast and then presents."  Brad pouted.  Xander stared at him.  "It has to cook.  Then you can have fruit syrup."

"Oooh?" he asked.  Xander smiled and nodded.  "Ooh!"  He went to babble baby noise at his sisters.

Olivia pulled him back up to cuddle him.  "We like fruit syrup.  That's the sweet, sticky stuff we put on the thingies you put in the toaster."  Shannon grinned about that, it was one of her favorite things.  "Uncle Xander, what's for breakfast?"

"French toast."

"What's that?"

"It's like the stuff in the toaster only it's homemade and it's soft, gooey, and good," Dean said with a grin.

"Okay."  She settled in to hug her siblings and her daddy.  This was her Christmas wish.  She decided Santa must've had to delegate this time.  Like he did to the ones in the stores that took in wish lists and passed them on to the head Santa.  She'd thank one of them later for letting her Uncle Xander handle it.  He did great with the big things they needed.

Xander and Peter shared a look, Xander getting a kiss for the first plate of french toast that came out of the pan.  He cut it up and added butter.  "Blue syrup or red?" he asked.

"Bwoo!" Brad shouted, hopping down to run over.  Dean took it and helped him put it on the coffee table, letting him eat it with his fingers.  Shannon got hers next because she was going to try to steal Brad's.  Then Olivia and Daniel got theirs.  The other adults sat down to eat and relax.  The kids would drive them nuts later.  Olivia had gotten a bike from Dean.

***

Olivia and Xander carried the basket into the police station.  She grinned at the staring officers.  "Uncle Xander helped me make the detective uncles and aunties lunchies."  She grinned.  "And we paid the local pizza place so you guys can have lunchies too."  They smiled and thanked them.  Olivia got the elevator buttons for them and then ran off to pounce her auntie.  "We made you lunchies!" she crowed.

Beckett smiled.  "That's very sweet of you, Olivia."  She gave her a hug.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome."  She helped Xander hand out the lunch plates.  "I made the salad and the toasty bits on it."

"You make a great salad," Rick promised, smiling at her.

She stared at him.  "You left Alexis all alone on Santa day?" she demanded, starting to tap a foot.

"She's with her grandmother and she told me to come in and help," he assured her, giving her a hug.  "She wanted to go back to bed since she was up all night."

"Alexis waited for Santa?"

"I don't know, you'd have to ask her."  She beamed and leaned closer, whispering in his ear.  He hugged her.  "That's a great present and I'm sure Santa knew he could let your Uncle handle that present for you."  She smiled and nodded.  "What did you get?"  She babbled about her presents and learning how to ride a bike in the warehouse with her uncle Dean.  "That's very cool."  She smiled and hugged everyone then they left.  Rick relaxed.  "Xander got deputized by Santa to fulfill the wish to have Daniel home and awake for today."

Beckett nodded.  "He's a good deputy for those sort of things."  She looked at her plate.  "Fried ham."  They dug in while they worked on the case.  It was sweet of the family.  Xander texted something to Rick and he went to tell the dispatch sergeant so he could call over there.  Then he came back up to finish his own lunch.

Sometimes, you made a really good family to add onto your natal one.  He clearly had.

***

The day after Christmas, Daniel hung up with the therapist he had seen and Olivia was seeing.  She had arranged for him to go into an in-patient facility for a few weeks.  He sat the kids down and looked at them.  "Guys, I'm going to go back to the hospital but I'll be awake this time."  They all stared at him, Brad sucking on his fingers.  He gently removed them from his mouth.  "You guys can come visit each week.  That way I make sure everything's all right."  They pouted.  He hugged them all.  "I need to, guys.  I've got to get used to being back here too and I need to go."

Olivia stared at him.  "No nap this time?"

"No, I won't be napping this time."  She relaxed and nodded.  "The talking doctor you see is sending me to someone she knows so we can work all this stuff out."

Olivia nodded.  "She's good at helping you talk about stuff."

"Which is what I'm going to be doing."  They all nodded and he hugged them again before going to pack and head over there.

Xander leaned in the doorway, watching him pack.  "The kids will be fine.  We'll visit each week," he said quietly.  "Get your head on straight this time."

"I'll try my best, Xander."  He looked at him.  "Thank you for taking care of 'em for me."

"I'd never let those kids go anywhere else."  He walked off.  "Am I driving?"

"I will," John said.

"Okay," Daniel agreed quietly.  He finished his packing and went to hug the kids.  "Grandpa John is going to drop me off so he knows where to bring you three to visit."  They smiled and hugged him again then let him go.  He heard one of them start crying and nearly hit the button but John did it for him.  He changed keys with Xander to get the sedan and they brought the kids with them.  The hospital might frown on it but yay.  It'd make the kids calm down.

They all hated it when the kids cried or sobbed about really big things.

***

Daniel shook hands with the doctor he was there to meet.  "I'm Daniel."

"She described you well."  He looked back.  "Your family?"

"John Winchester and my three kids."  He hugged them.  "We promised they could visit."

"Of course they can."  He led them to the office to talk to Daniel.  John waited outside.  The kids piled on Daniel and the doctor understood why when Daniel told him what had been going on.  He talked to the kids, letting them see the room Daniel would be in and look at one of the 'talking doctor' rooms too.  Olivia chatted about hers and he smiled, agreeing she was a very good talking doctor.  They got Daniel settled in.

Olivia patted John's pockets until she found his wallet and ran off.  John scowled as he followed her.  She made it onto an elevator first and it shut before John caught her so she made it to the hospital gift shop and bought some candy.  "For Daddy," she said when he glared at her.  "He needs candy to be happy sometimes."

"That's not a bad idea," he promised, getting a few other things.  She relaxed and smiled.  "Next time, ask."

"Yes, Grandpa."  They went back up there and Daniel grinned, cuddling her.  Just her.  It was a great thing and she had missed it.  She looked at him.  "Don't turn into your mommy?" she asked quietly.

"I'd never do that, Olivia."  He kissed her on the forehead.  "I'll never be that mean."  She nodded and cuddled in again, letting Brad come up since he was pouty.  Then Shannon climbed up to get her own cuddles.  John took Olivia so he could have each of them separately.  That helped and she was happier.  Daniel got settled in and they went home.

***

Xander looked at the kids that night.  "We called the doctors there.  We can visit each and every single Sunday afternoon for three hours," he told them.  They all stared at him.  "That means you all get a good long time with your dad without us having to rush.  So the day without cartoons, we go see your dad right after lunch.  Okay?"  They all nodded.  Shannon and Brad might not understand but Olivia had and she had nodded so they had agreed too.  "Good kids."  He hugged each one and looked at Olivia.  "If he's still there when it gets warmer and less snowy, you can take your bike sometimes."

She grinned.  "I'd like that."

"Good girl."  He looked at them.  "For today, clean up the living room's mess."  They squealed and went to rescue their toys from the floor.  Before the floor ate them.  Grandpa had said the floor ate toys and burped them into the toybox.  They didn't want floor drool on their new toys.

John smiled at Xander.  "Good job," he said quietly.

"A schedule seems to help with these sort of things."  John nodded.  Xander's phone beeped and he looked then sighed walking off talking to Paula.

"Some day you guys will have bosses that call to nag too," Dean quipped from his seat.  Brad ran over to pounce him, holding up his book with a grin.  "Sure, I'll read to you since you did such a good tackle, Brad."  He settled him into his lap and opened the book to read to him.

"That's my book," Olivia complained.

Dean looked at her.  "Does that mean he can't have it read to him?"

"You have to read it to all of us," she said firmly.  "I didn't read it yet."

Dean let the kids climb on him so they could all be read to.  At least until Xander let out a belch and then the kids screamed 'toys are being eaten' and scrambled to save them from the floor drool.  Dean winced and rubbed his new bruises from tiny feet but that was what being an uncle was all about.

The End.

Table of Contents

Chapter 19: Parties For The Boy

Chapter 20: Attention Bad!

Chapter 21: Dating Disaster Plans

Chapter 22: Filling In The Plot Holes

Chapter 23: Filling In Another Hole

Chapter 24: Olivia!

Chapter 25: Visiting Old Friends

Chapter 26: Watching Her

Chapter 27: Many Xander Headaches

Chapter 28: Interesting Meetings

Chapter 29: Rock And Roll

Chapter 30: Snuggly Times

Chapter 31: Someone Mistook Xander For A Nice Guy

Chapter 32: Not Always In Our Plans

Chapter 33: Olivia Plans

Chapter 34: When Stuck In A Corner

Chapter 35: Battling

Chapter 36: Talking About Things

Chapter 37: Holiday Miracles