Contents

Bad Timing.

Furry Thoughts On Life.

A Holy And Righteous Cause

The Plan

Setting Up Love Nests.

A Few Minor Adjustment Problems.

That Old Spoiling Mood.

Taking Care of Business.

Bastard!

The Troubles Of A Bored Xander.

Money Matters.

Going Off Into New Directions.

GHS in Space

GHS in Space 2: Own Personal Hell.

GHS in Space 3: Hairballs!

GHS in Space 4: Ferret Rule

Gods, Why Me?

And He Dances On.

Happy Squeals.

Visiting the Buddies.

On The Way Home.

They're Here!

The End Is Near.

Bad Timing.

Ray yawned, waking up from his nap. "Where are we?" he mumbled, rolling into Xander's shoulder.

"About to land. The stewardess was giving you 'aw, how cute' looks."

"Yay. I'm taken, even if I am cute." He opened one eye to look up at his best friend. "Do we really have to go there?"

"Yup. Want to stay in the motel?"

"Please," Ray said, forcing himself to sit up. He smiled at the stewardess. "Can I get a small cup of coffee?"

"I'm sorry, sir, we're about to land." She took Xander's can with a smile. "There's a very good coffee shop inside the terminal, up near the security stations."

"Thanks." He put his seat upright and looked across Xander out the window. "You sure we're about to land? It's awfully cloudy still."

"Ray, it's February in Colorado. Everything's supposed to be white," Xander reminded him.

"Oh, yeah. Hey, I can go make snowballs in the park then."

"Cool. I'll drop you off wherever you want," Xander offered. "You sure you don't want to come down with me? See Danny?"

"Nope. I'd get the willies being that far underground." He shuddered. "People should not work under a mountain."

"Okay. If you're sure." Xander took Ray's hand to hold during the landing. He didn't normally mind them, but the runway looked snowed over from what he could see. They bounced lightly a few times and slowed down with a nerve-jarring squeal of brakes.

"We're down," Ray said, trying to take his hand back. "Xander?"

"Shh. I'll let you go when we get to the gate," Xander said quietly.

Ray let it go. He slept through every flight he went on so he wouldn't know if they crashed. Xander was allowed to have his foibles too.

***

Xander smiled as General Hammond met him at the security desk. "I thought the ID cards would work here too," he said, holding it out.

"That's okay. You keep it for now," he said with a smile. He led Xander back down to the Stargate project, but he kept looking at the young man. "How are you?"

"Better," Xander admitted. "I'm not itching. Oz is better too. He's on his way home today and Giles is heading back to Vegas. The convention was a hoot, what little I got to see of it." He grinned at the airman that met them at the elevator. "Problems?" he asked when the soldier glared at him.

"*He's* here," the soldier said grimly. "Came through right after you left to go get him."

"Well, let's not keep him waiting then," General Hammond said, heading for his meeting room. "Xander, did you bring..." The silk bag was handed to him. "Thanks." He stopped to look inside, pulling out the thick metal bracelet. "This is hefty," he said in appreciation, scanning the carved-in symbols under the stones. "What are these?"

"Good things. One's strength, one's fertility, but I made that one small." Xander pointed to them. "That one's courage in battle. Daniel gave me a book with their symbols in it." He continued to walk, smiling when the airman caught up with him. "Relax, man, I come bearing gifts." He opened the door for the General, letting him make the grand entrance. He smiled at Jack, who was looking a little better now that his blood pressure was back down.

"Hey," Jack said, smiling at the bag the General was holding. "It came out okay?"

"Very okay," Xander told him, coming over to stand beside him so he could watch the alien's reaction to his gift.

The alien opened the bag carefully, like he wasn't sure what was going to come out of it. He lifted out the bracelet and frowned, but then he saw the designs and snorted. "I have no need of trickery. I have my own strength and courage."

"Yay," Xander said quietly. "It never hurts to have a backup. Trust me, a battle can go on much longer than you expect, and wielding a weapon gets tiresome after a while."

"You're a warrior?" he asked, looking Xander over. "You look more like a toy."

"Oh, I'm both," Xander said with one of his better enigmatic smiles. "A good toy knows how to guard their playmates." He crossed his arms on his chest. "It's unwise to refuse a gift given in peace."

"Xander," General Hammond warned. "It's not your fault he didn't like it."

"No, but it does say that he's not going to be wanting to negotiate. *Real* power people know better than to ever refuse a gift, even if it's neon orange and knitted."

"Eww," Jack said quietly. "I lived through that era."

"Yeah, so did Daniel's teacher. Oz got him something like that," he said, patting the soldier's shoulder. "How do you feel?"

"Better. Surprisingly, the medicine is working."

"Good." Xander gave him a hug then stood back up, glaring at the warrior figure. "Challenge me if you won't accept my gift."

The warrior laughed. "This I have to see. Swords or staffs?"

"Your choice, I'm good with both." He took off his jacket and pulled out his katana, it had been his wedding present from Angel and his group. It was the only sword he carried now. "General, may we have a practice area?"

"Of course," General Hammond said quickly. "But I would prefer if you didn't try to kill each other. It might look bad if you killed him, Xander."

"He has taken blood?"

"He has killed five Goa'uld by himself," Jack put in. "In close fighting, not with distance weapons." He grinned up at Xander. "How did you manage to get through that place? That convention was not for normal people."

"Easy, Oz got sicker so we ended up missing the last half. But I won two awards. Not the one I wanted, but I got Biggest Tease."

"Congrats," Daniel said as he walked in. "Whoa, um, Xander, maybe we should put *away* the weapons. They want to be friends."

"He refused the gift," Xander told him.

Daniel frowned. "Then, by rights, we shouldn't even be talking to him," he told the General. "That's their way."

"I will fight him," the warrior announced. "We will talk afterwards." He saw the winces. "I promise not to kill him," he said, nearly laughing at their sour expressions.

"I don't," Xander said calmly. "Daniel, a practice room please?"

"Sure," Daniel said, leading the way down to one of the smaller practice rooms that was almost never used. He stood against the wall, watching as Xander stretched a little bit, then winced as he heard the boy's back pop. "Oww," he muttered. Jack, who was leaning next to him, nodded his agreement. "Think he'll do *that* sort of fighting?" he asked his friend.

"Hope so," Jack said. "It's pretty impressive." He patted the wall beside him, getting Teal'c and Sam to stand next to them, and the General joined them so he wouldn't be in the way. "We're wondering if Xander's going to do that fancy fighting style he likes so much."

"The guy refused his present," Daniel explained to the newcomers. "By their standards, that's a horrible insult and we shouldn't even be talking to him, but Xander apparently challenged him over it."

"Oh," Sam said, nodding, even though she didn't know why this was so important.

"It's a very bad sign for him to have refused the gift," Teal'c said solemnly. "They've gone to war over that in the past."

"Oh," Sam said, understanding now. "Okay. Xander, which tradition are you using?"

"My own," he called back, standing up and grabbing his sword.

"Are you finished now?" the warrior sneered.

"Yeah, traveling made me stiff." He lunged at the other man, then danced off to the side and cut him on the arm. He continued to dance around the man, making fast and furious attacks but staying out of range of the larger weapon. Finally, he sighed. "I'm bored," he announced, then he sprinted for a few steps and jumped up, flipping over the warrior, landing in front of him. "Let's really fight now." The warrior looked at him in shock. "What? I've been traveling all morning, I'm too tired to continue to play with you." The warrior lunged, and Xander disarmed him, ending up in his arms but with his sword to the guy's dick. "Move and never have more children," he announced.

The warrior stopped and felt where the sword was, then he laughed. "You can't hurt me there." The sword's edge moved a little closer, and Xander kicked him in the shin, making him move backwards. "You are a toy," he spat. "You even dance like one."

"Yay," Xander said, moving his fingers in a talking motion. "Keep it coming." He waited for the next lunge, arms crossed over his chest again. This time, he pulled his secondary dagger and had it against the warrior's throat before he could move, having moved just at the last moment. "Are you *really* a leader of your clan?" he asked. "Are you sure your clan didn't dishonor us by sending us a trainee?" He let the warrior go. "Want some more?"

The warrior growled and lunged again. This time he ended up disarmed and on his back, Xander's sword point resting over his heart and the young man looking down at him, and he wasn't sure how.

"You're *sure* you're a clan leader?"

"Let me up," the warrior requested. "You win. I will get my clan leader."

"Good." Xander let him up and watched him pick up his sword and walk off. "And tell him, if I have to, I'll challenge him too!" he called after him. He bowed to Daniel. "Front and center, Danny, I'm here to test you. We've got a wait."

Daniel groaned and went to get them two staffs. He didn't want to face off with Xander using swords, he wasn't that good yet.

***

General Hammond presented the Clan Leader with the bracelet, watching his expression. The older man burst out laughing and smiled at him. "Then you accept it?"

"Yes, it is a very interesting piece. Who made it?" Xander waved from his position against the wall. "It's very unique."

"Thank you. I try to tailor all my pieces to the intended wearer." He stood up and walked over, pointing at the clasp. "It's got two locks on it so you shouldn't be able to lose it." He helped the older man into it and judged the size. "Almost too small but it should be fine." He looked into his eyes. "Do you like it?"

"I do," he said, and his eyes said he was being honest. "You did very good." He patted Xander on the head, watching as he sat down again. "Down to business?"

"A feast first," General Hammond said, giving him a smile. "We've been told that is the custom among your people."

"It is")," the Clan Leader agreed, clapping the General on the back and almost sending him running into the wall. That made him chuckle again, but he followed the General out to go to the room prepared for the banquet. He ended up sitting across from Blair, who was next to Xander, and had a fascinating conversation with both men throughout the entire dinner. He wasn't too sure of Blair's mate, but he knew their type. If he was working here, it was probably for a good cause.

Xander excused himself after the dinner and bowed to the Clan Leader. "Unfortunately, I am not in on the negotiations so I will take my leave of you now," he said formally.

"Is your keeper waiting on you?" the Clan Leader asked.

"No, my friend and fellow GHS member is. We'll be in town tonight if you need us, General." He took the pass that had been handed to him. "Really?"

"In case we need to call you in again," the General said with a smile. "I can trust you not to abuse that."

"No, not going to be popping in at odd hours. He glanced around. "Did you know if Doctor Janet...."

"Yes, she does," Blair said, patting him as he walked up to him. "She said that, if we saw you, we were to drag you down there to make sure everything was fine."

"Coolness." Xander bowed again. "Later." He walked out, heading down to the infirmary, his new pass pinned to his shirt. He stopped in the meeting area to grab his sword and jacket, then continued down to next task.

"But, Janet, I *feel* fine," he whined about an hour later. "No more itching or anything."

"Yes, but I just need the one skin scraping," Janet whined back. She got a grin for it. "Just a simple scraping and then you can go, all right?" He sighed and leaned back so he didn't have to watch her do it. She worked quickly, taping the slides together as soon as she had it. "There you go. Done." She patted him on the flat stomach. "So, I heard you fought earlier," she said, wanting to know.

"Yup. He wasn't the Clan Leader and it showed. He insulted us by refusing the gift." Xander stood up and pulled back up his pants. "Why?"

"Just wondering," she said innocently.

"You've seen a tape," he accused, stopping his dressing to glare at her. He caught her guilty look. "You did! You've seen a tape! Where? All the official ones from my training and the ones I made for my lovers were destroyed."

"Someone on base was at the convention," she said, giving him a little shrug. "She recorded your demonstration there. It's a bootleg."

"Oh." He frowned as he finished pulling up his pants. "How many people have seen it?"

"Not that many," she said quickly. "General Hammond found out and confiscated it," she lied.

"I guess that's okay then. But no, I didn't do that this morning. I played with him for a few minutes and then picked on him. No real stretches or dancing involved." She frowned. "Why did you want to see that?"

"Because you were *good*," she said, grinning at him. "It was *so* good."

He patted her on the shoulder. "I'll try to sneak you a tape of your own," he promised. He pulled on his shirt and jacket. "Want to walk me up?"

"Sorry, I've got a team waiting for me. They're washing off the grime so I can get to them." She gave him a smile. "I'll call if I find anything unusual in your sample."

He gave her a hug. "Thank you for curing me. It was so nice to be able to screw Oz into the bed again," he told her; then he left her with a smile on her face. It lasted until Sam came in with the new team for their physicals.

***

Xander slid into the bed beside Ray, letting him cuddle up to him. "I'm back," he whispered.

"Were you good?"

"Mostly. I gave Doctor Janet happies. The Clan Leader liked my bracelet."

"Good," Ray mumbled, rubbing his nose against Xander's bare chest. "Sleep?"

"Yup, heading there now. Sweet dreams, Ray."

"Night."

A few hours later, Xander was awoken by a ringing phone and a bunch of sirens heading off into the distance. "Yeah?" he asked as he answered it. "Damn, they are *so* screwed with their own people." He checked the clock. "Sure. We'll be there in twenty." He hung up and poked Ray. "Get up. We're being evacuated."

"Why?" Ray mumbled.

"Because the guys Danny was negotiating with broke all the rules of their people and attacked during negotiations." Xander slid out of the bed and grabbed the clothes he had been wearing, putting them back on. "Come on, Ray, we've got twenty minutes to get up there."

"Yeah, yeah," Ray sighed as he got up. He grabbed some clothes and tossed them on, shoving everything else in his bags. "You'd think that only Meth did this leaving in the middle of the night thing," he muttered as he followed Xander out of the motel room. "Sword?" he asked.

Xander ran back into the room and did a quick sweep of it, gathering up everything they had missed and shoving it into his bag and pockets. He ran back out, grabbing Ray's arm and towing him to the car. "Come on. We're going to be late."

"Why are we being evac'd?" Ray asked once they were driving.

"Because the Clan Leader liked the bracelet. I'm a target now."

"Oh, great," Ray sighed, looking up. "Why did I not expect this?"

"Because we all thought these people were on the level." Xander pulled up to the base's gate and flashed his card. He went where the guard was directing him, parking and grabbing their stuff so he could pull Ray with him. They barely made it onto the cargo plane, nodding at Sam, Daniel, and Blair. "Jack?" he asked as he strapped in.

"Will be on the next one," Sam told him, putting on her headphones. She watched as Ray fell back asleep.

Blair tossed Xander something, then pointed at the headphones behind him. "Hey," he said once Xander had put them on. "We walked right into the middle of a clan war."

"Oh, crap," Xander sighed, slipping the bloodied bracelet into his jacket pocket. "And they want *me*?"

"Yeah. The warrior you beat up earlier noted how 'powerful' you were when he was captured," Sam told him. "The other Clan thinks that you're a spirit warrior."

"That means that you're possessed while you fight," Daniel explained. "You'd be a powerful slave to them if they could break you and get you to promise fealty."

"I'm not," Xander told him. "The first idiot got it right. I'm a toy who can fight." Ray hit him. "Ow!"

"Quit." Ray pulled on the headphones too. "So, what's new?"

"Just that we stepped into the middle of a Clan war," Blair told him. "Where's your old man?"

"He went back with Oz. They were going to bond over beers." Ray looked at Xander, then at Sam. "Where're we headed?"

"Vegas," she said, nodding emphatically. "We can disappear from there to the extra bases. Both of them are about equidistant from Vegas."

"Cool," Ray agreed. "Who's going our way?"

"I am," Daniel and Blair said together.

"Dessie?" Xander asked.

"Carrier," Blair said, pointing. "We were at home. They promised to get us our things as soon as they could. We're stationed in Sunnydale until further notice."

"Wonderful," Sam sighed. "I'm bouncing back and forth then. My orders say I'm to report to Arizona and to stay there until my team is regrouped."

"Jack's got orders to follow us," Daniel offered. "So does Teal'c."

"I'll check then," Sam told them. "Does he normally sleep this heavily?" she asked Xander, nodding at Ray who had fallen back asleep.

"He naps on all flights so he doesn't have to see if we crash," Xander told her. "Janet?"

"Is fine," Daniel assured him. "Medical personnel are routed differently."

"What if...." Xander asked.

"Then we'll start over," Sam agreed. "We have an extra gate in storage."

"Found it in Antarctica," Daniel agreed. "Don't worry about us, Xander, we're not going to be stopped."

"Good," he said. "But you might want to think long and hard about putting that second gate to use in Sunnydale. There's already a powerflux going on there."

"Point," Sam agreed. "Don't worry. We'll figure it out." She gave him her brightest smile, or the brightest she could manage at the moment anyway. "You'll get to shack up with Giles tonight."

"Yeah, I will," Xander said, giving her a smile. "We could probably find rooms for you at the resort, it's the off season."

"Nah, we've already got connecting flights," Blair told him. "We'll be fine, Xander. Don't worry. We'll even stop in at your house and tell Oz that you're fine."

"Thanks. He does worry. So does Danny's teacher though."

"I'm sure we'll hear all about it," Daniel agreed with a smile.

***

Xander walked up to the front desk, giving the man standing behind it a faint smile. He was tired. Ray had managed to sleep the whole flight, he hadn't gotten to bed yet. "Would you please wake up Rupert for me?" he asked the man.

"No."

"And why not?"

"Because the owner would not appreciate that, sir. Do you have a reservation?"

"No, I have something better," Xander said, holding up his ring hand. "I'm his husband."

The desk clerk snorted. "He's not gay. I've seen him flirting with that woman, Amanda."

"She's here?" Ray asked, looking around. "Man, Jace would be pissed if she saw the condition of the gold-stuff."

"Too true," Amanda said from behind them. She patted them both on the shoulder. "Why the midnight trip?"

"Where we were got raided," Xander told her. "Everyone got evacuated. Us included."

"Yup," Ray said through a yawn, "they wanted Xander because he made such a good prezzie."

"Wake up Rupert," Amanda said calmly, "or I will. This is his husband, Xander, and he's going to fire you if you don't."

"Is he still up in the same room?" Xander asked, grabbing the desk phone. Amanda nodded so he pushed the buttons, slapping the hand stopping him. "Hey, me," he said tiredly. "Come get us. We're downstairs." He hung up and growled at the man behind the desk. "Go clean out your locker," he hissed. "*Never* touch me."

The man continued to sneer until his boss got off the elevator and came running towards the men. "Mr. Giles, sir," he said, starting to sweat. "They really are...."

Giles nodded. "Yes, this is my husband, Xander, and our best friend, Ray. Amanda, something wrong?"

"Just going for a stroll," she said with a smile. "Xander's not really in trouble this time."

"Bet me," Ray snorted. He looked at the guy behind the desk. "I believe he gave you an order."

"What order?" Giles asked as he led the way to the elevator, taking control of the bags. Amanda said something quietly to him. He walked back to the desk and said something to the man behind it, who walked away looking very upset. He came back before the elevator doors could close, getting in and holding Xander tightly. "I set him to cleaning the ceilings tomorrow, he's not very happy."

"I told him to clean out his locker," Xander said, resting against the firm chest. "He was nasty. Said you two had been going at it." He yawned. "I need a nap."

"Yes, I can see that," Giles said, giving him a smile. "We'll be in a bedroom soon enough," he promised, and the doors opened, letting them off at the penthouse suites. He walked down the short hallway to their room, leading his husband straight to bed. He turned to find Amanda on the couch, giving her a smile. "Thank you for that."

"You're welcome," she said, handing him Xander's bag. "He really was nasty, and he did insinuate that we're having an affair together."

"Yes, well, that should never get back to Xander," he said, frowning down at her. She nodded and gave him a smile. "Good. Can you find out what went on?"

"Yup, I can," Ray said from the doorway. Giles went a little pale. "You'd better tell him sometime," he warned. "There was a delicate negotiation going on at Danny's workplace. Unfortunately, the people they were working with were in a clan war and they got invaded during the negotiations, which ended up endangering the base."

"A military installation?" Giles asked, heading for the radio.

"A top secret one," Ray reminded him. "Everyone got sent somewhere safe. Xander's a target because his present was nice and accepted. That's why we got sent away."

"Oh, dear," Giles sighed. "I'd best call the house."

"They're supposed to be drunk tonight," Ray reminded him, heading for the spare bedroom.

"Ray, sleep with us if you want. I'm sure Xander would like to cuddle up to you, he tends just to hold my hand," Giles offered.

"Sure," Ray said, changing his course.

Giles looked at Amanda and shook his head. "I'm sorry, dear."

"That's all right," she sighed, standing up. "I have a perfectly good room downstairs. Will Ray tell him?"

"If I don't," Giles agreed. "It'll tear Xander up, but I'll have to tell him sometime soon."

"Then be very gentle about it," she advised as she walked out of the room.

Giles walked over to make sure the door had closed and locked, then went into the bedroom to cuddle with his lover and their friend. He would worry about Xander's reaction later.

***

"Xander," Ray protested as he was dragged to the high-rollers section of the casino they were in. "Why are we here?"

"Because I'm pissed and I need to blow something. Blowing money is easiest and least harmful to others." He sat down at the table and slapped down four five-thousand dollar chips. He put one in a betting spot and nodded at the dealer.

"Yes, sir," she said, dealing the cards. He motioned for another card so she dealt one, then flipped over hers. "Tie," she said, taking the chip and the cards. She dealt another hand then gave Ray a smile. "Would you like a drink? I can get a waitress in here."

"Please," Ray agreed. He smiled at the waitress coming in. "Beer, please? A good one?" She smiled and wandered off, going to get him one. He looked down at Xander's cards, smiling at the losing he was doing. "You're usually not this bad, Xan."

"I'm too pissed to concentrate," Xander admitted. He took Ray's beer and gulped a third of it, then handed it to his friend, putting down another chip. "Again?"

"Of course, sir," the dealer said, handing out another set of cards. She smiled as Xander won. "Good job, sir."

"Thanks." He bet his winnings on his next hand, calming down as the familiar routine settled in. He won five more hands then stood up after losing his next one. "Thank you," he said, tipping her a large chip from his winnings. "Where's the best spa around here?"

"The Canyon Ranch, out by the shopping area," she said quickly. "They're very good."

"Thanks. I need to relax."

"Maybe we should do something more physical," Ray said, following Xander out of the casino. He looked at the rows of slot machines longingly then stopped Xander. "Can I play for a bit?"

"Sure," Xander said, handing him a few chips. "Let's go get you change, and I'll watch you play while I have another beer." He followed Ray over to the woman handing out coins, watching as she handed Ray a bucket of tokens. "Which type?"

"Um, back row," Ray said, pointing, letting Xander point him toward a winning machine. He watched as Xander stopped beside one machine and stole a token, putting it in and pulling the arm. The machine fed out. "How do you do that?" he asked.

"I don't know," Xander admitted as he gathered his tokens. "Come on, let's go find you a good machine." He wrapped his arm around Ray's waist and led him back to the back row, ending up at a machine two rows away. "This one," he said finally, pointing at one. "It's going to be a while, but that's okay."

Ray sat down and started to play the game, liking the simpleness and laziness of this sort of gambling.

***

Xander relaxed under the expert hands on his back, purring at Ray. They were on a plane home and Ray was working on his shoulders to keep him from getting up and pacing. "I can't believe he was cheating on me," he muttered.

"It was probably just a momentary thing," Ray soothed. "I'm sure it wasn't long term."

"So he was just playing with her?" Xander asked snidely. "He married me."

"Yup, he did," Ray agreed. "Did you call home?"

"Not yet. Go ahead if you want them to pick us up. If not, I'll spring for a cab. It'll cost about as much as hiring a car." He tipped his head off to the side, letting Ray hit a particularly tense spot. "Why did he cheat? I gave him everything he could ever want."

"Yeah, but part of being what he is means exploring everything. He's just exploring that side of himself. Giles is a dick," Ray said finally. "You can yell at him once you get home."

"Yeah, I think I will. How am I gonna tell Oz?" he whispered, realizing he was going to have to.

"I'll tell Meth and he'll tell him," Ray soothed, pulling Xander's head onto his shoulder. "Let's nap, 'kay?"

"There's only another fifteen minutes," Xander pointed out, but he didn't move his head. "I want to hurt him," he muttered.

"I'm sure you'll find a good come back," Ray assured him, calming his friend down. "We'll find a way to get him back, I'll help and so will Meth. I know he'll at least go lecture the idiot."

"Thanks," Xander said, yawning. "I like you. If you ever leave Meth, we're stealing you."

"That'll be cool by me," Ray agreed, smiling down at him. "Think about the terror we'll create at the spas around the world."

Xander snickered. "Masseuses everywhere will tremble when they hear our names, and their hands will cramp up."

"The hair care people will faint when they see all the hair you have," Ray joked, playing with the long ponytail.

"The body scrubbers will shiver with anticipation?" Xander suggested.

The stewardess smiled as she walked past them. "We're almost down, sirs. Please put up your seat backs." She kept going.

Xander put up his chair back and snuggled back into Ray as soon as he had his up too. "Are you sure we want to go right home?" Ray looked down at him. "I mean, was there anything we have to pick up?"

"Nah, I want cuddles from my man, and you need to be cuddled by all of us." Ray wrapped his best friend in his arms and held him. "It'll be okay. We'll make Giles sorry he ever cheated on you."

"Okay," Xander said, wanting to believe him. "We'll do it together."

"Yup, together," Ray said, gripping Xander's hand as the plane started to descend. "Almost home."

Xander nodded, keeping his face buried in Ray's shoulder so he wouldn't have to watch them land.

***

Xander stepped off the plane and looked around for Ray. He had just been behind him. He was grabbed from the front and moved to get free. "What the.... Oz?" he asked, grabbing him for a hug. "You're here?"

"Giles called us and told us you had left the resort without telling him," Oz whispered, holding onto his husband.

"Yeah, well, we need to have a little talk about Giles," Ray said as he walked down to meet them. "What's the real reason?" Oz looked at him, and he knew. "Danny and Blair saw you?"

"They're crashed in a spare bedroom. The base doesn't have enough room for everyone that got moved. Oh, and they got a call. It was taken care of." He hugged Xander even harder. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Xander told him, wrapping his arms around Oz. "Ray was right, we need to tell you something."

"We can do that somewhere more comfortable," Methos said as he walked up to them. He took the bags and put them onto the cart he had brought with him, then led his Ray a few feet away away. "What happened?"

"Giles and Amanda are havin' it off," Ray said quietly. One of his lover's eyebrows went up. "The guy at the desk tipped us off, and I heard him and Amanda talking about missing their plans. Giles told Xander this morning over breakfast."

"Hell," Methos muttered, giving Ray a hug. "We'll deal, as we always do." He walked back to the cart, where Xander and Oz were talking to each other. "Come on, you two, we'll get something to eat before heading home. I'm sure we could all use the time together in a calm place." Oz looked up at him. "He told you?" Oz nodded and stood up, pulling Xander up with him. "We'll talk with him tomorrow," he told his student.

"We'll talk tonight," Oz countered. "That's why we both have video chatting." He led Xander out of the gate and down the hall. "Come on, let's go home."

"Can we have food?" Xander asked. "I kinda stormed out before breakfast was over with and took Ray with me."

"Of course," Methos said smoothly. "Here in the airport or closer to home?"

"Anywhere's good for us," Ray told him. "Even fast food would be okay. I kinda had beer for breakfast."

"Ah," Methos said, giving him a squeeze. "I can see that." He looked around, then frowned. "I thought we had the cart."

Ray groaned and turned around, sprinting back to the gate to get their things. He caught up with them just before the security checkpoint, patting Xander on the back. "Nothing got stolen, not even your jacket." Xander opened his mouth. "Yeah, the stewardess caught it for us and handed it over when she saw me. Don't forget..." he let the ending hang since they were going through the metal detectors.

"I've got the tickets," Oz said, holding them up. "I'll go get them while you guys get a drink." He asked one of the guards a quiet question and went where he was pointed. He signed out the sword Xander had carried with him to the convention, then went to find his mates. He found them resting in a sports bar, the cart next to their table. "Hey," he said, sliding in beside Xander. He took the beer from in front of his mate and drained it for him. "Thanks, I needed that."

"That's his third for the day," Ray noted. Xander *never* drank more than a glass of wine with dinner. Oz gave him a subtle nod, agreeing to keep track of the beer intake. "But most of them were in a casino. He decided to be pissed by gambling in the high-roller room."

"Ooh," Methos hissed. "How much did you lose?"

"I made six grand," Xander said calmly. "Ray, I'm fine. I'm not going to get drunk. Don't worry so much," he said, giving him a fakely-cheerful smile.

Oz kissed his husband on the cheek. "It's okay. I would have beaten Giles first." He waved a waitress down and ordered them another round with a hand gesture. When they came, he handed her a bill. "Some food too?" he asked. "Something snacky?"

"Sure," she agreed, giving them a smile. "Long flight?"

"No, we just came from Vegas," Ray told her, looking soured on the experience.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, giving them a brighter smile. She hurried away to get them something to chew on. People who looked like they lost lots of money would probably need something comforting.

"We'll get lunch on the way home," Oz promised.

"We missed breakfast too," Methos admitted. "We've been here since we got the call from Giles saying you had left."

"I offered you half of my burger," Oz reminded him.

"Oz, it was fast food, not real food." He smiled as an appetizer plate was brought over to them. "Thank you," he said, gratefully reaching for one of the stuffed potato skins. Ray slapped his hand and picked one up, feeding it to him.

Oz glanced around the bar, then cleared his throat. "Guys, this may be LA, but this is a sports bar. That might not be a good idea," he said carefully.

Ray stuck his tongue out at him. "It's all right, Xander needs to wear off some aggression anyway." He grinned at his friend. "Ain't that right?"

"Very true," Xander agreed, sipping at his beer. He stole the plate of nachos and started to nibble. "Where did we want to eat lunch?"

"There's a nice place on the way up, we'll call ahead and get takeout, just like in the old days," Oz promised him, reaching over to touch his hand. "That okay with you?" Xander nodded. "Have you heard anything about the raid?"

"No, just that we had to leave." Xander shrugged and leaned a little closer. "They got us up a little while after I got back to the room and flew us to Vegas." He laughed bitterly. "Imagine my surprise when the night clerk said that Giles wasn't gay, and that I couldn't be his husband because he was sleeping with Amanda."

"Who came down and warned him off," Ray added. "We found out later that the guy hadn't been lying."

"And Giles didn't fire him after he was nasty to us," Xander finished, saluting Ray with his glass. "Oz, can I have something fattening?"

"Sure," Oz agreed. "We'll get you something you can sulk with." He got a smile for that, and a kiss on the cheek. "Do you need more metal still? We never got a shipment."

"It shouldn't be here for another few days," Xander pointed out. "I have enough stuff at home to go through anyway."

"Okay," Oz said calmly. "Can I help you sort through the jewelry?"

"Depends," Xander said, after draining his beer. "Will you let me put the money we liquidate from the stalker jewelry into new projects?"

"If you want," Oz agreed. "I was concerned about having so much jewelry around the house though."

"Yeah, well, I'll get rid of some of it once it's done," Xander agreed. "Good?"

"Very good," Oz agreed, reaching down to pat him on the thigh. "I don't want you to quit working, I simply wanted us to not be robbery bait."

"Then I'll be more careful about how I lock up my stuff," Xander agreed, giving him a smile. "Home?"

"Sure. Meth, grab the waitress and get a box. I'll get the check. Ray, car," he said, handing over the keys and the parking stub. "We'll follow you out and call in an order for lunch from the car." He waited until the other couple had left to look at his mate. "Xander, are you okay?" he asked gently. "I know you're disappointed in him and all that, but...will you be okay?"

"I'm fine," Xander lied smoothly. Oz gave him a look and he shrugged. "I'll be okay. I may pound it out with work tonight, but otherwise I'll be okay."

"You could always try writing it out," Oz offered, sliding out of the booth and holding out a hand. "Finish my beer if you want," he offered when he saw Xander looking at it. "We'll let you cuddle up in the backseat."

"Thanks," Xander said, grabbing the beer and draining it. He allowed himself to be pulled up and led out of the bar, heading out with Oz. "Can I have something to do tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll be more than happy to help you work at the forge if you'd like," Oz offered. "I'm a pretty good helper, right?" he asked when he didn't get an answer.

"Yeah, you're a great helper and inspiration source," Xander admitted, giving him a light smile. "Maybe I will write. I just got a killer idea from our time across the realms, and I want to make Giles the bad guy."

"Hey, I'm always happy to support you in that too. I've got my laptop in the trunk still if you want it."

"Please," Xander agreed, stopping his husband to give him a real kiss. "I'm sorry I brought this all down on you."

"Hey, we're married, babe. I want to be here for you." He took a deeper kiss then smiled at his mate. "Home?"

"Home. What about food? We were running a little low before we left."

"Henri, and her new assistant, went shopping. We'll call them on the way home too. Just to give her a warning." He wrapped an arm around Xander's shoulders, leading the way out to the parking garage.

***

Henri looked up as all the animals went running, smiling at the men walking through the door. "Good afternoon," she told them, waving from the kitchen. "I made some more tea, and I've got everything ready for a salad if you'd like."

"With the cheese?" Xander asked, heading in to give her a hug. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine, Xander." She pushed him back and looked into his eyes. "What happened?"

"Giles is cheating on us," Oz told her, coming in to get his own hug, and to put their food in the fridge. "We picked up a midnight snack that wanted to be lunch."

"I'll eat it later," Xander promised, giving Oz a smile. They were home now, nothing bad could happen here, never again if he had his way.

Furry Thoughts On Life.

Jedi, the fun loving ferret that managed to get anywhere she wanted, looked up and sniffed as her fathers walked into the bedroom. She gladly gave up her position on the pillows to her favorite father, the nice redheaded one, watching as he cuddled her first father, the one who used to bottle feed her. The dark haired one didn't seem right so she walked over her favorite father's shoulder, squeaking at the other daddy.

"I'm fine," Xander told her, reaching up to pet her. "Just a little bit upset." He gave her a smile. "Did you have fun today? I saw your latest kittens playing in the sun."

She sighed mentally. She knew what he was talking about, but she wished he would use the right name for her babies, kits. She sat on the comfy shoulder, telling him all about the latest three, and about how lazy her last male child was. He wouldn't even play and look cute to get head scratches. She nosed him when he started to look sleepy, asking him an important question. Did he want more ferret babies around the house? She loved being a mother, but she had seven left in the house with them. Did he really want more of them when she went into heat in five months? At least that one was going to be going home with her parents soon enough. She liked them, they were nice to her too, and very good to her daughter. Even if they did keep calling her a him, and such a funny name. Didn't they know that ferrets always had 's' names? Their Dessie was really Servartnan the Literary. They really should learn, but they were nice enough to get past that point.

"It's okay," Oz told her, reaching over to give her the scratches she liked. "It'll all be okay soon enough. We'll even get someone to adopt some of the ferret babies." He kissed the other one on the head, making him make sleepy cuddle sounds.

She quickly got out of their way. She'd been trapped under them before and she didn't want to have to watch them procreate again. It was scary. The dark haired one rolled over and pinned her favorite one to the bed, giving him a kiss. Humans were strange, why did they nip each other like that? Ferrets had it much easier than people did. She liked finding her man twice a year and going at it with him for a few hours. Why did humans need it so often? She looked around, wondering where the third one was. He didn't like her very much, but that was okay, she liked to irritate him. Once he was nicer to her, he'd figure out where his favorite neck thingy was. She relaxed on the pillows, watching them mate. It was funny, in a way. They made *noises* and said funny things, and even sometimes used those wonderful playthings that she liked to steal. She and Rocky used them for a different reason, but it was still fun to play with them. Especially the ones that hummed and wiggled. Even the pink cat helped them play with them sometimes; yes, very interesting toys. She waited, wanting to know if they were going to use the playthings again, but this time they just cuddled close and grunted, proper mating behaviors. She settled down for the night, watching over her peoples.

"Love you," Oz whispered, kissing Xander on the back of the neck.

"Love you too," Xander whispered back, patting the arms around his waist. "Can we go look at houses this weekend?"

"Sure, we'll pack up the ferrets and go for a short trip.

Jedi's ears perked up. "Traveling?" she squeaked. "I like to travel. Can we *please* bring Rocky this time?"

Oz looked up at the squealing ferret, giving her a hard look. "What? Don't like that idea? Ray's coming with us." She nipped him on the finger. "Oww!"

"I'm pretty sure she wants to go," Xander said sleepily. "But I think she wants to bring Rocky with us."

"Yes!" Jedi squealed. Her people finally understood her!

"We'll see," Oz said, giving the ferret a funny look. "What are you? You're not a ferret."

"She is so. She's a very good ferret, and a very good mommy," Xander said, giggling when he felt something tickling him from the foot of the bed. "And I think Dessie just decided to come talk to his mother.

"Her," Jedi squeaked.

"Huh," Oz said, looking from the ferret to his husband. "I think she just sassed you."

"She's a good ferret baby," Xander complained. "She wouldn't talk back to me. She'd do that to you."

Oz grunted and put his head back down. "Whatever." He watched as Dessie strolled up out from under the blankets. "Hi, you. Do your fathers know where you are?"

"Is he in there?" Blair called.

"Yes," Oz called back. "Him and Jedi both."

Blair snuck in and stole both of the ferrets, taking them back to his room. Jedi looked up at this person, giving him indignant squeaks. He shouldn't carry her like that, she deserved more respect than that. "Quiet," he whispered. "You'll wake Danny up." He laid down, settling the ferrets on top of the blankets between them.

"Jedi too?" Daniel asked, not opening his eyes.

"Yup," Blair said, stealing a kiss. "The guys need to cuddle without furry peoples."

"They're ferrets, not people," Daniel corrected.

"Yes, dear," Blair said, grinning down when one eye opened. "What?"

Daniel shook his head and grabbed his very own GHS cuddle monkey, snuggling in for the night. The ferrets would sort themselves out.

Jedi sat down on the Daniel person's side, getting ready to talk to her daughter about the important things: how to breed, how to pick a mate, not to follow the peoples' example of mating habits because they were just wrong.

***

Jedi quickly ran into the carrier with Rocky. She knew it was time to go if this thing was coming out; she was getting away from her children for a few days at the least. She could even put up with this crate for a few hours if she had to, if only she got away from the kits for a few days. They were driving her nuts! Every few minutes, bringing things back that they had found. She had found them first! And now the fathers were starting to look at her, even when they caught the kits at it. Like it was her fault. She didn't tell them to go find stuff and bring it into the playroom. The parents were being nice though; she was going to get to go visit the new houses and give her approval. That's what they had said last night when they were planning all this. And hey, there was always the chance to explore new places and find new, more interesting things. Maybe she'd even get to compare more human breasts, they fascinated her. She squeaked up as the door was closed, reminding them to give her water and food for the trip. The Oz daddy put on the water bottle and the other daddy put in the bowls of food. She didn't have anything to worry about. Even the cold of the plane would be okay with Rocky to curl up against.

"All set?" Oz asked.

"Check book?"

"Got it," Oz said, patting his suitcase. "Tickets are waiting on us."

"I wish we could carry them on the plane," Xander sighed, picking up the crate and carrying it out to the car. "Or that Ray was coming with us. He promised to go look at houses with me in South Beach."

"He wanted to spend some time planning with Methos. His nerves are getting to him," Oz said quietly, sliding in to drive, watching as Xander clipped in the cage. "Got it?"

"Yup, all secure," Xander said, getting out of the back and sliding into the front seat. "I think they're ready to travel again."

"I don't blame them. If I were Jedi, I'd be really pissed at the babies by now. They won't even let her sleep. Always more interesting things to find and bring to the mommy."

"Hey, one found Ray's nipple ring for him," Xander noted. "That was of the good."

"Very," Oz agreed. "Okay, we're heading to South Beach first, right?" Xander nodded as Oz started the car. "Good. I could use some nice sun and warm beaches."

"I even packed our bathing suits," Xander said, leaning his head on Oz's arm.

Jedi turned to her traveling companion and snorted, silently telling her they'd be spending some time alone in the hotel room if the daddies wanted to go explore like that. Really, they were worse than her babies sometimes. She snuggled in for a long ride. It was a good thing, but it always took so *long* to get anywhere fun.

***

Xander held his ferret up as they looked through the set of joined condos Oz had found, looking down at her. "Well?" he asked her.

Jedi snorted in disgust. It had no place to hide, or to play in. This would not do. She sneezed at the realtor, then squeaked loudly at him to get his attention, telling him off. She needed proper housing, not this little place with no hiding spots.

"Looks like your ferret's not impressed," the realtor said dryly.

"Yeah, no hiding spots," Oz told him. "Was this the one?"

"No, there's a set of townhouses that's nearer to the beach. A little more than you wanted to spend, but I'm sure we can handle the extra somehow. Your finances looked very good to us when we called up a credit report."

Xander snickered. "We don't need a loan," he told the realtor. "We need a place to escape to." He followed him back out to their rental car, letting him drive while they curled up in the back with the animals. The realtor had been nice enough to meet their plane and show them around immediately. Apparently, he worked on commission. "How close is this set of townhouses?"

"To a major shopping area? It's close to the new ethnic market that's starting to get very popular, within walking distance possibly. Maybe a mile from the nearest mall and grocery store." He switched lanes, turning onto another street. "It's also close to a park and a few of the more odd shops in the area."

"All good for us," Oz agreed. "How about spas? Xander likes them."

"There's a good one a few miles up the road," he said, pointing behind them. "Miami's got everything you guys could ever want in that way." He slowed to a stop at a stop light. "So, you're both independently wealthy?"

"I'm a jewelry designer," Xander told him. "Oz markets it and I guard him while he works."

"That's a good arrangement." He started driving again. "Is there going to be a special room needed?"

"Definitely," Oz told him. "We'll have to put in a forge."

"Ah. Then the townhouses might not be the best bet," he said thoughtfully. "They're surrounded by other houses, not a lot of personal space to do things like that."

"But I like the sound of the area," Xander told him.

"I thought you might." The realtor, changed lanes suddenly and headed down a small alleyway, switching onto another main road. "I think I have just the place. It'll have a private beach, still a bit more than you wanted to spend, but it's private. You'll have a fenced in view so the animals can run rampant."

"We have ferrets," Oz said dryly. "They can defeat any fence."

The realtor laughed. "I've heard that. Do you let them run loose in your house?"

"We have a special room for all the animals. Gyms for the cats, comfy spots for the dogs to nap. Lots of tubes and stuff for the ferrets to hide my stuff in," Xander sighed.

"I can tell you really love your other house. How often were you looking to stay away from it?"

"A few years, with frequent trips back," Oz told him. "It's time to start breaking ourselves of that dependancy."

"I like my house," Xander told him.

"We'll still keep it. I like our house too." He held Xander's hand as they drove into the gated community, nodding at the security. "Nice set up," he noted.

"Very good security," Xander agreed.

"This whole settlement is very security conscious. They're talking about setting up a community association."

"Will we bother them?" Oz asked. "I know some people don't like gay couples."

"I'm not sure, but if this sort of house appeals to you, we've got a lot more potential there." He pulled up in front of a house, getting out and letting them out of the back. "Here we are," he said, walking up to the front door. He pulled out his magnetic key and opened the door, letting them go inside first. "This is the show house of the development. Most of them are similar but not identical. I'll have to check to see exactly what's open."

"I like the architectural elements," Xander said, looking up at how the stairs formed a slanted ceiling over the entryway. He headed for the kitchen. "Not enough space in here," he told Oz. He looked down at Jedi, who was hissing at something. "Oh, a mouse," he said.

"I'm sorry about that," the realtor said quickly. "I'll be sure to report that on the way out." He looked around the large open space. "Would you like to look upstairs?"

"Sure," Oz told him. He followed him up, letting Rocky lounge in front of the sliding glass doors. "Xander, small bedrooms," he called down.

Xander turned around slowly in the open area, frowning. "Okay, truth," he told the realtor. "We're going to be living there at least four months out of the year, have another couple that will probably be living with us, and we have a lot of animals between us. Our house at home is a manor house but we don't need something that big. We do need somewhere big enough to hold us all though."

"I think I can do that," the realtor told him. "Does the general size fit you?"

"Four bedrooms?" Oz asked Xander.

"I'd like to have a dressing room if we're not going to have a split-up space," Xander told him. "And a room for the animals."

"That means at least six rooms for the house," the realtor said thoughtfully. "Do you really want beach access?"

"Being close to a beach would be nice," Oz agreed.

"Being closer to that area you described earlier would be nicer," Xander countered. "I can handle public beaches."

"All right," the realtor said. "I do have one that *might* work. It's not exactly what you wanted, it's a loft. A large loft," he said at the frown. "It's the top floors of three buildings, joined together."

"Is it a rental or a buy?" Oz asked, following him out to the car, Rocky on his heels.

"It's a buy, but it's ...." He snapped his fingers. "I do know. One just came up with one of my associates at another office. That'll be what you want." He waved at the car, letting Xander get in first, watching as Rocky was settled then Oz got in. "All set?" he asked as he got in. Everyone grunted. "Good." He started the car and backed out, making the promised stop at the gate to tell them about the mouse.

***

Xander looked around this new house, nodding. "I like it," he told Oz, who was staring out the window. "What?" he asked when he didn't get an answer, walking over to give him a hug. Jedi was still riding on his shoulder and would be willing to hug him too. "You don't like?"

"I like quite a lot," Oz disagreed, turning around to get a hug. "It's a nice neighborhood. It's quiet. It's got another like us here." He nodded outside and watched as his husband waved. "Don't do that, I don't know him."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Xander whispered, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Do you like the house otherwise?"

"I like it a lot," Oz told him. "I like the space, and the work area. It's like it was meant for us."

"It's even got the secondary apartment for Ray and Meth," Xander agreed. "Please?"

"Deal," Oz agreed, looking at the realtor. "How much?"

"About what you were wanting to spend," he admitted. "This one only went on the market three days ago, or I might have shown it to you first. It was listed with someone else in town, but they sent out specs this morning because they didn't think they'd be able to sell it."

"Can I get pictures to send home tonight?" Xander asked. Oz looked at him. "To show Ray?"

"Sure," the realtor said. "Do you want me to put a hold note on this one? Mark it as potentially taken?"

"Please," Oz agreed. "I'd like to get our friends' opinions too."

"They didn't want to come?" the realtor asked, making a note for himself.

"They're planning their wedding," Xander told him.

"And taking care of the rest of the animals," Oz added.

"Oh, how nice. How long have they been together?"

"The guys have been together about...thirteen years?" Xander asked Oz, who nodded. "Thirteen years now. Maybe almost fourteen."

"One's a perpetual college student," Oz told him. "The other's recently retired and figuring out what he wants to do now."

"I see." The realtor looked them over. "You live with another gay couple?"

"They're our best friends," Oz told him. "Hence the secondary apartment idea."

"Ah. All right then." He smiled again. "Let's go back to my office, I've got a tour on CD that you can borrow for the night."

"Sounds good," Xander said, following him out to their rental car. "We still need to check into the hotel," he reminded his mate.

"I called them before he picked us up and told them we were here. Did it over the phone," Oz told him. "That's where I sent our bags and the carrier."

"Okay." Xander leaned his head on his husband's shoulder, and smiled at the sleepy squeaks Jedi was giving them. "I think she approved." He looked over at Rocky, who was napping in the front seat. "Did you like it, girl?"

Rocky gave a half-hearted bark.

"I think she's tired too," Oz told him, squeezing Xander's hand.

"Just give me half an hour, and I'll gladly let you go to your hotel," the realtor told them. "We just need to tie up a few loose ends." He pulled into his office's parking lot and got out, letting Oz follow him while Xander slept.

***

Jedi got up and wandered around the hotel room, investigating it. She found the odd cups and tore into one, giving it up when she got down to the other plastic layer, which did not taste good at all. She huffed and walked back into the main room. This was not up to their usual standards. But it was only for another day or two, she could endure. She found Rocky sleeping in a chair and curled up with her, deciding sleep was the best option, even if the fathers were still talking. Maybe they would do whatever they needed to tomorrow, and she'd be able to get back to a more proper place for her, even if it did have her kits in it.

On the bed, Xander smiled at Oz, listening to him read what he and Ray were chatting about. "Tell him we'll have to paint part of it. It's pink."

"It was peach," Oz corrected, typing in the note. "Methos shuddered and said he'd help us paint. I'm telling him about the immie I saw out the window."

"Don't stress about that. I doubt he's going to attack you."

"Not all of them are nice," Oz reminded him as he typed in Xander's comment. "Methos said that he agreed with me, and that you can never be too careful. I'm supposed to go find him tomorrow and talk to him if I can."

"Both of us," Xander told him.

"Nope, you get to do the stuff with the realtor tomorrow. I don't think the animals like the hotel very much."

"The hotel doesn't like Jedi very much," Xander countered. "The manager called her a rodent."

"Well, I guess he might be related to one," Oz told him.

"Nah-uh. Ferrets are related to skunks and minks, not rats." Xander rolled onto his stomach. "Tell them I'm not very happy with this place."

"But it was close and animal friendly," Oz reminded him.

"Yeah, but not to ferrets." Xander pouted. "Can we leave tomorrow?"

"Sure." Oz typed in something else. "Meth said I could wait to talk to him, or I could go do that tomorrow and let you handle the realtor like we planned; and then we'll take a late flight instead of waiting for the next day."

"Okay," Xander agreed, somewhat satisfied. "Do you want to take Rocky with you, or do I get both of them?"

"You get both of them in case I end up getting into a fight," Oz told him, turning his head to get a kiss. "I'll do my best to not fight, but I'm not sure how skittish the other guy is."

"If he's that skittish, he might already be packed," Xander suggested. "It depends on how old he is and how confident he is. Steve would be on the next plane out, so would Daniel. Someone like Richie would stay around and try to convince the other guy they didn't have to fight."

"And then there's those of us who live for the fighting," Oz sighed. "I know. I'll go over there right after breakfast and look around the neighborhood. That was too far off the main street to be anything but a resident."

"Can we track him some other way?"

"Not without hacking the Watcher's database."

"Oh." Xander shrugged. "Okay. Good luck and I hope you don't have to fight."

"Thanks." Oz gave him a quick hug and went back to his chatting. "Ray likes the pictures, even the pink, though he agrees with me about it being peach."

"Yay, it's still got to go," Xander said tiredly. He put his head down, going back to listening to his husband's quiet voice and resting.

***

Oz sat down across the immortal in the cafe, waving the waitress over. "Coffee?" He handed over a few dollars. "Hey," he said, holding out a hand. "Oz." It had been too easy to find him, almost like this was a prearranged meeting. Less than five minutes of looking had led him right to this small cafe.

"Theodonius," the other man said formally in greeting.

"If you know that, why don't I know you?"

"Because you wouldn't. I erased our last meeting from the both of you." He smiled. "Are you moving in?"

"Yeah. Can I get your name?"

"I'm most commonly known as 'that too clever bastard that lives on holy ground for eons at a time'," he said dryly. "Back when I first was born, names weren't that important."

"Ah. And now?"

"Now, I'm known as Richard, scholarly teacher of history and mythology to spoiled rich children." He saluted Oz with his coffee cup. "Are you moving in?"

"Me and my teacher both," Oz said. "Where did we meet?"

"Greece. In Athens actually. The first time you'd ever been in the city if I remember right. I did erase it from you."

"Oh. So you're into the *other* side of belief, like our Rupert is?"

"Definitely," he agreed, still smiling. "You have no need to worry about me, even if you do remember what happened back then. I assure you, I was quite sick at the time."

"It was a long time ago," Oz agreed, stopping when the waitress brought his coffee and his change. "Keep it," he told her, giving her a faint smile. He looked at the man across from him again. "Could I ask you a few questions? You're the first old one I've ran into that deals with magic." He took a sip of his coffee. "We've run into some strange anomalies after doing a bonding spell."

Richard put down his cup gently and put both palms on the table. "You bound a mortal to you?"

"My teacher and I both love our husbands too much to let them go. And then Xander accidently bound all five of us together."

"That boy's yours? The one that's driving all the Watcher's batty?"

Oz snickered. "Yup. Xander's all mine. Mega-GHS snuggly babe, animals, and all." He sipped his cup. "Can we ask you some questions?"

"Yes, I might have a few answers." He took a deep breath. "Here?"

"Or a park. We planned on leaving tonight but we'll be back in a few weeks. We're buying that house."

"Good. I heard you've been in the same place for too long."

"We guard a Hellmouth," Oz said quietly. "It's necessary for us to be there."

"Ah. This gets stranger and stranger. Come, let's go to a park and talk in the open air." He stood up, putting some bills down on the table. "Did you tour the area yet?" he asked as they walked out of the diner. (Ig)

"Nope. We got in yesterday, did a whirlwind tour with the realtor, and found that house after four tries. Do you like ferrets?" he asked.

"I think they're beautiful, if mischievous, creatures. Why?"

"We've got eight. Our mom's had two litters."

"Oh." He chuckled. "I wouldn't mind meeting with your mate to see if I would qualify to adopt one. I hear he's very fair, but one you don't want to mess with."

"Yeah, that about describes him. Xander's been known to try and go after people who challenge me before. I tried to stop him, but it didn't work."

Richard laughed, brushing some of his dark, coarse hair back off his face and neck. "I've heard. What sort of strange occurrences?"

"Well, when we did Xander, Giles, and my binding ceremony, the energy weaving went out to engulf other immies."

"That was part of the original spell. That and the warning about true love."

"We had that part, but not the warning that it was going to suck in an immie who was sitting on our couch."

"All right. Which one?" he asked, sitting on a bench.

"Connor."

"MacLeod?" Oz nodded. "Really?" Oz nodded again. "I assume that was before he died?"

"Yeah, it was. He was training our third husband at the time he died. We were really lucky it didn't pick up Richie, who was in town."

"I see. Sit, Oz."

"Thanks." He sat down beside him, curling up to sit sideways. "And, even stranger, we've found out a few other things recently. Xander has a soul sword. We've been told he died and took in part of our souls during the spell before he came back."

"Yes, that would be what happened. Can you three share quickenings?"

"Oh, it gets much more complicated than that," Oz told him, searching for the right words to describe what had been going on. "When we first bound to each other, my teacher was in the house also. We were all bound to him. When he bound with his mate, they bound to all of us, including Xander. Matter of fact, Xander and Ray share some sort of strange bond."

"Which might be able to be explained if he does have part of your soul in him," Richard told him. "He reads as a pre-immie?"

"Xander's actually taken a quickening from someone. When ... Jace died, her quickening went into him."

"Because he's the new anchor?" Oz nodded. "That's understandable. Have any other quickenings drawn to him?"

"I try very hard not to fight. I don't think I've let Xander near a fight since then. He's been challenged since then, but I haven't fought. He's even able to feel new immies. And, what is even stranger, he's found a small magical gift in himself for natural works of magic."

"I see," Richard said again. "You didn't answer my last question."

"No, I was leading up to it. See," he said, leaning a little closer, "during the last GHS convention, in Boston, I got drugged and spelled by a woman who wanted to tear me from Xander. Some sort of compulsion spell mixed with mind control agents to get me to go to her." Richard nodded. "We started to break down the spell the normal way, with some help from Ethan Rayne. After they were done, I still had to fight it, so Xander cut us both and forced all the quickening he'd ever picked up off me back into me to break it. It killed him for a few minutes. All of us, including Ray, fed quickening energy back into him to restart his heart and to heal him, but it created some sort of energy bubble."

"And bound you all," Richard finished. Oz nodded. "I've heard of it. There's a reason that spell was hidden, because the foolish that would perform it with every lover they took."

"We've sent it to people who will guard it and follow the warnings. Giles sent it to the other version of the Watcher's Council because a bunch of us have gone through them. He even rewrote the warning on the top, making it cryptic but very clear about the true love requirement."

"Actually, it should read 'wanting them more than life because they will become it'," he clarified. "I'll need to see your Xander and this Ray to make sure, but it seems like you turned them into partial immies."

"Ray does read as a pre-immie," Oz admitted. "Not as strong as Xander."

"He should. The spell was originally created to bind an immortal to the one person he wanted to share his daily danger with." He sighed and rubbed his large forehead. "I have no idea how you managed it with three of you."

"With two other immies being drawn in," Oz said dryly. "And it still almost killed me. I've had these bouts of weak quickenings. The binding ceremony happened during one. Xander decided to be noble and brave and cast something to cure me, which screwed with his heart."

"Never again," Richard told him, patting him on the shoulder. "You'll never have those again. Your energies evened out among you when the energy bubble, as you called it, was created. All that the mortals could hold they now do. The three immortals in the spell there all evened out among yourselves."

"But Amanda was in the next room and didn't get drawn into the energy ball."

"She wouldn't have. Your quickenings were balanced during it, you didn't need hers. Have you noticed anything peculiar since then?"

"I can feel Ray a little better. My link with Methos is a little stronger, Giles is cheating on us and might have been then, with Amanda. But strange is our life."

"With you being married to an anchor and your other mate exploring his more chaotic side, I'm sure it is," he said with a smile.

"Oh, you don't know the half of it. During a weak quickening time, I got bitten by a werewolf." Richard hissed. "We all worked with a Slayer. Xander is a guardian of the Hellmouth in Sunnydale and is looking for someone to take over for a few months. We're all drawn to our present house. Xander designs jewelry but can't balance a checkbook."

Richard held up a hand. "I get the picture. Your very lives are part of the Chaos theory. How do you intend to deal with this?"

"I was asking if there was something I needed to deal with."

"The last time this spell was done, the mortal went insane after their lover died."

"Xander fights better than I do," Oz told him. "I have this dream that right after someone takes my head, Xander jumps in and takes the guy's head."

"Which might help him, and, granted, the last one didn't have the same sort of support network your Xander has, but...what will you do if it drives him insane when one of you dies?"

"Methos and I have already made a pact. We take over care of the other's mate if it's needed. We expect Xander and Ray to outlive us both, but for it to be a very long time before we have to deal with that issue."

"And what about when life starts to wear on them? Living too long is almost as bad as going insane. When you've lived too long, the world turns sour on you."

"Been there," Oz admitted.

"As have I. What about when your husband goes through it?"

"Then we'll support him any way we can and help him find his joy again. Xander's very GHS and able to live in a very secluded little world. I think we'll be able to get through that."

"Good. Are you prepared to deal with Xander getting tired of you though?"

"We worked out a system of long vacations from each other. We've tried one but Xander didn't want to leave without me. He nearly wasted away." Oz coughed. "Besides, we've spent some time in other realms. About eight hundred years or so."

"Oh, my," Richard said, relaxing a little. "You may have found the perfect person to do the spell on." He shook himself. "As for your questions about why these things were happening, I do have a book that might have an explanation. I'll lend it to you as a housewarming present if you'd like."

"I'd like that a lot," Oz agreed, standing up. "I've got to meet Xander at the realtor's office." He pulled out a card and handed it over. "If you ever need us, that's my cellphone number. I usually have it with me." He bowed to the elder. "I may not remember you, but I realize you're one of the good ones." He turned and jogged away, heading for the rental car so he could go pick up Xander. This was something he wanted to share.

Richard sighed as he got up. "I should go tell her that Methos is in town. She won't be pleased, but it seems like he's really screwed himself this time. She's going to laugh herself sick," he told himself as he walked back to the diner and his car. "A productive morning though. We'll have safety." He got in and started for his house.

***

Oz grabbed the first payphone he could find and dialed home, babbling out the story as fast as he could. He smiled at the disgruntled complaint about it being too early in the morning for this and repeated the story again, faster this time. He laughed when he heard the groan. After a few minutes, he hung up and continued on his way to pick up his husband. They needed to talk.

***

Jedi shifted in the crate, but this time she was warm. The fathers had managed to get them a seat of their own in the airplane this time, and it was really nice. They were getting treats from the nice lady with the drinks. Daddies were talking about the new house and how to decorate it. Rocky was napping and not snoring this time. Everything was about perfect, even if the fathers were giving off mating vibes right then. They were big peoples; they could wait like any good animal. And if they snuck off, at least the nice lady with the drink cart would continue to spoil her.

The pressure was changing. They must be about ready to drive again. Maybe her kits would have missed her and done something unique. One never knew about ferrets.

A Holy And Righteous Cause

Xander looked over at his mate as they pulled up the smaller of their two driveways. "We still have to do something about Giles," he said quietly.

"I was thinking about moving and not telling him," Oz admitted, "but what did you have in mind?"

"I want to punish him," Xander said firmly. "If he had asked for permission, I might have given it to him, but he broke our trust." He put a hand on his mate's thigh as the car stopped. "I want him to feel as miserable and as hurt as I did when I found out. Especially about how he told me." He put his head on Oz's shoulder, closing his eyes. "I want him to feel like we ripped him up, the same way I felt that morning."

"Then we'll figure it out," Oz agreed, patting his lover gently. "Come on, we can cuddle inside. Ray and Meth are probably waiting for us." Xander nodded and got out, going to get the animal carrier out of the back. Oz stopped him from going inside. "It's too quiet," he noted.

"Everyone's probably napping," Xander said, shoving open the front door and carrying the carrier inside. "We're back," he called.

A young blonde woman panted as she ran inside from the back porch. "Sorry, we didn't hear you," she said, helping Xander put down the case. She released the catch and let the dog coming out sniff her hand. "Oh, I'm D'Nalia by the way," she said, smiling at the couple. "I'm Henri's helper."

"Cool," Oz said, shaking her hand. "I'm Oz, that's Xander. You don't mind gay couples, right?"

She grinned at him. "Nah, I don't mind them at all. Henri told me *all* about you two and I didn't hear anything that I haven't liked yet." She groaned as she heard twin squeals of delight. "Um, I hate to tell you this, but I have twin boys and their sitter's really sick today, so I had to bring them with me. That's okay, right?" she asked hopefully.

"Fine with us," Oz agreed, sitting down and pulling Jedi into his lap. "Are they good with animals?"

"We have two dogs of our own," she told him, shifting so she was comfortable. "Listen, I have no problem with anything you guys might do, and I have no problem with anything happening in front of my children with the exception of sex. I'm very open and accepting of everything."

"What sort of experience do you have?" Xander asked as he sat down beside her. He looked over his shoulder as Rocky barked, watching his dog run out to go play with the twin boys. "She's never really had kids around," he noted.

"I worked in a resort," she told him. "Managed it and ran roughshod over the housekeepers, filling in as one when I needed to." She wiggled her fingers at the ferret. "You are such an adorable little creature." She looked at Xander. "Henri's known me since I was a little girl and watched me grow up into the stunning version of womanliness that you see before you. She's filled me in on how you like things and what my duties are. Will we be going with you when you leave this house?"

"Someone will," Oz told her. "We'd like someone to stay here though."

She waved her hand at him. "Henri's insisting that it's going to be her. She's claiming that she's *old*," she sighed, "and can't travel like you two do. Oh, and she's done something to the library but she wanted to tell you about that herself."

"Good deal," Oz agreed, handing the ferret over. "Here, you play with her. Xander handles the house stuff, I just handle him." He winked at Xander and stood up. "I'm going to go lounge by the pool and watch the kids wear the baby ferrets out."

Xander grinned at D'Nalia. "Well, you're certainly the sort of person we were looking for. You're energetic and you don't mind what we do. You really won't mind traveling with the kids?"

"Nah," she said lightly. "As long as we stay in one place for a while at a time. Not hopping houses every few weeks."

"We'll try," he promised her. "We just found *the* perfect house in South Beach." He looked around. "What else did Henri tell you? I mean about the weapons and stuff?"

"I like knives," she admitted, "but I'm not to touch any of them. She did tell me that there was a reason for them to be here, but she said I'd find out by accident like she did. Which is fine with me too."

"Calm down," he said gently, touching her on the arm. "We're not mean. If you met up to Henri's standards, you'll live up to ours. Henri's like a grandmother to us. If she trusts you, we will. Just relax and let it happen." He stood up and pulled her with him. "Now then, how about we go lounge by the pool too? It's been a while since we've had new people up here, and we've never had any kids in the house."

"They're well trained," she promised. "Not *too* much trouble. Perfect little hells' angels."

Xander chuckled. "I thought that was all kids."

"Ah, but my boys have a talent for it," she told him as she followed him out to the pool area. She saw his look at his forge and winced. "The boys tried to climb on it today so we had to do a bit of creative blocking," she explained. She winced again as one of her boys bounced on one of the loungers, helping the two ferret babies and one of the puppies jump. "Get down!" she called, hurrying over to catch and stop him.

Xander laughed. "Never a dull moment," he said as he snuggled up to his Oz. "So, you like my idea?"

"Yup, I like your idea," Oz agreed, pinching him on the butt. "How are you going to implement it?"

Xander just smiled and watched the kids and animals play.

***

Giles looked up as the demonic messenger appeared beside his couch, taking the message it held out. The demon didn't disappear immediately so he knew he needed an answer. He opened the slim envelope and read the contents, going very pale. He looked at the messenger but it was now gone. "Oh, dear God," he whispered. "He told his brother."

Amanda leaned over and took the letter, reading it and also going pale. She stood up and glanced around the comfortable suite. "Well, it's been fun," she told him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I really should go back to my own duties though; it's been a while since I checked in on my club and all that."

Giles grabbed her by the arm. "You're not leaving me over this, are you?"

She nodded. "Yup. You're on your own, sport. I'm not an oath-breaker." She got free. "Much as I like your mates and you, I'm not going to die over it. Ta." She left, leaving everything but her sword and her purse there. Everything else could be packed by someone later or bought again.

Giles groaned, left to his fate, which was sure to be horrible. After all, if Xander's brother knew, how long would it be before the boy went crying to Strife and Cupid? He shuddered and forced himself to stop thinking about that topic, making himself put down the note and pick up his book to read.

***

Giles jumped and started to sweat as someone slammed a door down the hall. Every noise was now getting magnified in his mind. The threat of Xander's family coming after him was starting to get to him, it would be horrible. Xander's brother was not known for his tolerance, and if Micah came after him, so would Wesley and all of Angel's family because Micah owed Wesley a favor and he would beg for another one to get them to help him. Angel and his family were very protective of Xander still and Giles was going to be the target of a 'fun time' the likes of which hadn't been seen since Angel had gotten his soul the first time. He shuddered again and wrapped his arms around his middle, trying not to think too much about what his fate was going to be. After all, Angel wouldn't take his head for a long time. He forced himself to pick up the invoices he was supposed to be working on and stared blankly at them. Who had ordered sixteen gross of toilet paper?

***

Strife appeared beside Xander, who was in his writing chair, surrounded by his nearly pornographic tapestries and statuary. "I thought mind fucks were my thing," he said dryly, leaning down to give his anchor and follower a hug.

"It is," Xander said, saving his current chapter and giving him a naughty grin. "But I thought you wouldn't mind it if I did it for you this time."

"So, w'as up?" the God of Mischief asked as he sat down on the soft couch. "Why the torment of your mate?"

"He cheated on us," Xander said simply.

"The fuck!" Strife said, jumping up. "I'll kill 'im."

"Nah, I'm having fun showing him the error of his ways," Xander said with a smile. "Sit," he offered. "Want something to eat?"

"Nah," Strife said, sitting down again. "I'm good. So, you're just showing him the error of his idiocy by makin' him paranoid?"

"Basically," Xander agreed. He put his laptop aside and leaned over, taking Strife's hand. "I know you want to go stomp him, but I'm having fun doing this to him, 'kay?"

Strife shrugged. "Sure, I'll leave off him, but only 'cause you asked." He grinned and smacked the hand on him. "So, need help plannin' what's next?"

"Nah," Xander said with a nastier grin. "I know *just* what I'm going to do next."

"'Kay," Strife said, starting to pout. "Just yell if I can do anything, all right?"

"Yup," Xander said, launching himself over to give the God a hug. "I know you're the fount of all things nasty and slimy; I was going to have to call you for advice soon anyway," he whispered. "I'm running out of mean ideas."

"That's because you're thinkin' the wrong way," Strife told him, pulling Xander over into his lap. "See, ya gotta think nasty to be nasty, and ya gotta be nasty to do mind fucks." He pinched the firm stomach. "We just gotta get ya into another mind set, and then you'll have *plenty* of ideas, though I have liked the paranoia so far. Did ya tell your brother?"

Xander nodded. "I sent him a messenger after I sent one to Giles, telling him I was using his name in vain to make Giles shit himself." He grinned into the soft leather-covered shoulder. "The message he sent back told me that he approved of my methods and, if I needed him to do more than be there in name, to call on him."

"That's the sign of a good family," Strife said wistfully. "Bein' willin' ta help ya do the dirty work." He kissed Xander on the side of the head. "You know Micah let it slip, right?"

"He did?"

"Yeah, he did. He told that Wesley guy. Who told another of mine."

"Oh, I wanna see that one," Xander sighed. "My brother?"

"Nah, his boyfriend."

Xander snickered. "Spike," they said together.

"An' Cupid's not real happy with him at the moment either," Strife continued. "He sees it as messin' up one of his best groups."

"But he won't interfere, right?"

"Nah, he realizes you've got it well in hand. He heard you prayin' for this to go right. Even Unc and Jox were impressed with what ya wanted ta do ta him." He let Xander snuggle in, sending a silent call out to Cupid that it was going to be all right, that Xander did really have it well in hand and that nothing was going to break up this trio after all. Xander was scary when he wanted to be; he would make Giles come crawling back and fix him right this time. He felt the answer and smiled. Oh, yeah, it was well in hand.

***

Giles woke up and realized he was tied to a bed, and not his bed, and started to pull frantically at the chains. "Let me go!" he yelled.

"Won't hear you," Spike said softly as he came up to the foot of the bed. "We're gonna talk," he said as he sat beside the naked, bound man, lighting a cigarette and taking a deep drag. "Heard a nasty rumor about you, Rupes. Heard you were steppin' out on your mates." He took another drag and knocked the ashes off onto the bare stomach. "See, way I heard it, you've offended a lot of people by boinkin' that one chit, Amanda." Giles shook his head, afraid to open his mouth, his eyes as wide as they'd ever been. "See, I heard you were. Also heard you've been doin' things again, Rupes, black magic things." He took another drag on the cigarette and held the smoke for longer this time, seeming to be thinking. "There's lots offended by your ways now, and not just the boy or his family. Though, I bet he'd be a bit happier if he knew I was here for him," he said with a cold smile.

"He...he doesn't know?" Giles stuttered.

"Nah," Spike said, flipping more ashes onto the man's stomach. "Came here because I respect the boy. Anyone who's done what he has and is still happy is meant to never be fucked with. Not even by a chaos sorcerer wanna-be." He smiled again, slower this time. "So, I thought I'd come help the boy's emotions out." He leaned closer and put the cigarette out in the ashes. "See, he don't need to be dirtied by this. He don't deserve somethin' like you. So I'm savin' him the trouble."

"He wouldn't appreciate it," Giles said quickly, nearly scared enough to wet himself.

Spike ran his thumb down the center of Giles' chest. "He'll never know now, will he?" he smirked. "You'll heal. I can play for *months* and no one would ever know."

"Someone will wonder where I've went to," Giles warned. "There's the payroll and such."

Spike laughed. "Got that taken care of too," he chuckled.

"Angel and Willow will stop you, Spike!"

Spike laughed again. "How do you think you got here?" He stood up. "Did you think that I did this by myself?" He walked over to the windows and opened the curtains, showing the dark sun shining down on the black stones. "Welcome to the Vampire portion of the Demonic Realms, Rupes."

"NOOOOOO!"

Spike laughed again, this time a great long belly laugh. He pounced on the body on the bed, grinning down at him. "Scream all you want," he hissed. "They'll enjoy it. So will I." He smirked. "And I can do whatever I want, for as long as I want, and still get you back in time to write out checks," he gloated. "Time runs differently here, Rupes, and you're buggered for messin' with the boy." He reached under the pillow and pulled out a boning knife. "Let's start, shall we? Let's see, where first?" he asked as he sat back on his haunches, staring at the flat, nearly hairless chest. "Ah, a reminder of who you belong to." He bent down, the knife coming towards his skin.

Giles screamed again and woke up, in his own bed, panting and sweating as he stared around the familiar furnishings. He put a hand on his chest, frowning when he came away with cigarette ash. He hopped up and ran into the bathroom, flipping on the lights so he could look in the mirror. 'Xander' was written across his chest in something that looked like blood. He moaned and sank to the floor, cradling his head in his arms and closing his eyes so he didn't have to see the new markings.

***

Methos and Ray dragged their new luggage through the door of the manor house, smiling at the little furry helpers that came to help them. "Hello, kits," Ray said cheerfully. "Are the other daddies back?" Jedi trotted out and jumped up onto the footlocker, squeaking at him.

"I'd say so," Methos said as he dropped his trunk. "Boys?" he called. "Come help. We've carried plenty of Xander's shopping before."

D'Nalia walked in and looked at them. "What sort of help did you guys need? They're taking a nap?."

"Just a hand with some of the packing materials," Methos told her, giving her a smile. He liked her, she reminded her of him in some ways. "Are the little terrors still here?"

She nodded, grabbing his trunk and pulling it toward the stairs. "Xander's asleep in his writing room, and Oz is napping outside with the puppies and the twins." Both trunks disappeared as they got them to the stairs, as did all the bags in the cars. "Gee, I guess what Henri said was true, this place is haunted and the ghosts like to shop." She sat down on the stairs, rubbing her wrists.

"Something like that," Ray muttered as he went up to check and make sure everything made it to their room. "It's all here," he called down.

"Thank you," Methos called up the stairs. He looked at the assistant housekeeper. "You've got the look of trouble about you," he said after studying her for a moment.

"A new dog just wandered up to the porch," she said with a shrug. "He walked over and flopped down in my lap." She gave him a pitiful look. "I've already got two at home, and one of mine's a puppy."

He shook his head. "They won't turn the mongrel away," he promised. "Xander would never dream of turning away someone who needed help." He patted her on the knee. "Just introduce them."

"I will," she said, getting up and heading out. "Want to come see him?"

"Why not," Methos said, following her out to the back porch. He stopped when he saw the dog. "That's a big puppy," he noted, walking carefully closer and squatting down to get on its level. "Are you friendly?" he asked it, holding out a hand for it to sniff. The dog barked and bowled him over, licking his face happily.

"Doggie!" the twins yelled, woken up by the barking and groaning. They hopped down to come play with it too, wanting in on some of the licking action.

Oz groaned and rolled over, not waking up at all.

Methos, finally free of the dog and the boys, looked up at the young woman. "That's a Great Dane," he noted. She nodded. "They have *small* dogs, dear."

"But he's so *cute*," she told him, giving him a pitiful look. "And it did show up."

"Did you feed it yet?" he asked her. She shook her head. "Good thing. Maybe it has an owner." He stood up, brushing futilely at the wet spots on his clothes from the wet paws. "You tell Xander."

"Okay," she said, whistling. Her boys and the dog looked up. "Come on, let's go see the other owner of the house. He likes dogs too." The dog followed the boys into the house, letting her go first. She tapped on the door of the writing room, keeping the boys out. "Xander, can I talk to you for a minute?" she said quietly. He snorted and rolled off the couch, giving her a dirty look. "Sorry, but we just had an animal walk up to the house and decide that it lived here. Meth said you should look it over."

He stood up with a moan and followed her to where the boys were playing in the hallway, stopping when he saw the dog. "What sort is it?" he asked, clicking his tongue to get the dog's attention. He too got bowled over and licked, but he didn't mind it at all.

"It's a Great Dane, or so Meth said," she said slyly.

Xander laughed as the dog continued to wrestle with him. "Okay, okay, you can stay!" he laughed.

"Xander, that's going to be a huge dog," Ray noted as he walked down the stairs. "Hey, boy," he said, dodging the tongue. "Yeah, you're a good boy," he cooed, playing with it.

"It's our new dog," Xander said happily. "D'Nalia, could you please call our vet. His number's in the phone book in the living room." He grabbed the puppy and started to roll around with him on the floor again, the twins jumping in to play too. Ray sat down on the stairs to watch.

***

Giles, who had finally gotten back to sleep after two days of trying, sighed as he opened his eyes. This time, Angel and Wesley were standing at the foot of his bed, and it was his bed this time. "What?" he asked churlishly. "How did you get in?"

"It takes someone with a soul living in a place to keep vampires out," Wesley said snottily. "Which I doubt you have at this moment."

Angel frowned down at Giles, then glanced at Wesley. "Of course he does, he has Xander's." He smiled at the immortal. "We intend to take it and give it back to it's rightful owner." He walked around to the side of the bed, striking as fast as a cobra to grab Giles' throat. "The spell," he told Wesley, who was setting up candles and a book. "I'm bored and I'd like to play with him once you're done and on your way back." Then he smiled.

"Yes, Angelus," Wesley told him, starting the incantation to take Giles' soul.

Giles again woke up, sweating and panting, and screamed as he felt the dampness on his chest. That's how security found him. He was still screaming when the resort's doctor got to him.

***

The vet stepped away from the table, smiling at Xander, Ray, and Oz. "A very healthy mutt," he congratulated.

"What's the other part?" Oz asked. "He looks pretty purebred."

"He's half hell-hound and half Great Dane," the vet told him, trying to sound like it was important news. "I knew his dam and she's a very finely conformed animal." He clapped his hands. "Now then, do you know how to care for them?"

"Don't they eat souls?" Ray asked, looking confused.

"Yes, they do," the vet said happily. "Very good. But you can train them to only take the bad ones. But, if you do that, try to keep them away from most politicians," he said with a grin. "There was almost an *incident* a few years back." Oz sat down on the floor, looking up at Xander.

"Um, I think Oz is worried about the effect this dog will have on our other animals."

"Well, he chose you, so I'm guessing he knows you're excellent parents already."

"A ferret called to him, I know they did," Oz mumbled. He pushed himself off the floor, looking at the vets. "So, he's ours?"

"Until he's an adult, maybe in ten years or so. He's only a few months old, that's when they go out and find their masters. It's very important that they pick out good masters, ones who'll teach them how to hunt. Once they're fully trained, they leave all masters and go hunt in packs."

"Gee, I guess we could ask Spike to help with that," Xander said quietly, looking at Oz.

Oz groaned. "Would someone in our house being ...touched by the supernatural be why it's there?" he asked quietly.

"No," the vet laughed. "They like to pick normal families. I'm not sure why he picked you, but he's yours now. He'll only need about a soul a year or so for the next two years. Then he'll start to need one every few months, until he's an adult; then he'll need one about every week." Everyone went still. "Just remember, you're going to be the ones telling him what sort of souls are off- limits." He patted the dog on the head, then gathered his things. "Other than that, feed him what you do the other dogs, they're all very healthy." He left them alone, going to see his next patient.

"Only in Sunnydale," Ray muttered as he helped the dog down onto the floor. "Come on... let's go tell everyone. Maybe Spike and Angel'll have an idea."

Oz made a whimpering noise as he followed the dog out of the veterinary clinic and to the car. He found himself sitting beside the dog in the backseat and made it look at him. "You do not eat anyone unless we tell you to," he said quietly, making it an order. "Not any one of us, not one of the other animals, and definitely not our friends." The dog barked and licked his face, settling in for the ride home.

"We'll deal, Oz; we always do," Xander reminded him, reaching back to hold his hand.

***

Xander looked around the dinner table at their guests. "I invited everyone up tonight to meet our new pet."

"Is that all?" Angel asked tiredly. He thought this had been something important.

Oz whistled and brought their newest dog, now named Humphrey, running.

"Holy Gods, it's a hell-hound," Wesley said, jumping up and away from the dog.

"Only half," Oz told him, pointing at the chair. "The biggest risk you have right now is to be licked to death. Humphrey, sit," he ordered. The dog sat. "We just found out that he's half hell- hound and half Great Dane."

"We were hoping for some tips since he's chosen us to be his masters until he's an adult," Xander continued. "He's got to learn how to hunt and things."

"They can be trained?" the dark skinned man that had come up with Angel asked.

"Yup. The vet said he knew his mother and that we could train him to hunt only bad guys," Oz told him.

"We have no idea how to do that," Xander admitted.

"I still say the ferrets drew him," Oz told his mate. He ducked the thrown roll. "Yes, dear, I'll quit dissing the ferrets," he said with an eye roll once Xander wasn't looking at him.

Angel and Wesley looked at each other. "Spike," they said together.

"Is he back yet?" Xander asked. "I thought he'd be here if he was."

"He had to go with Seth and Blair to an art show," Wesley said as he carefully sat down again. "Is he really trainable?"

"Apparently," Xander said with a shrug. "We figured you'd know more than we do."

"Oh, Spike definitely should; he's much more in touch with the demon community than we are," Angel said as he pulled out his cellphone and hit one of the numbers stored in it. "Hey, Blair, I need to talk to my childe. Because Xander and Oz were chosen to be the masters of a half hell- hound." He laughed. "Yes, I know, it's just the sort of trouble that Xander would get into."

"Hey!" Xander complained. "I don't go looking for trouble, it finds me - even when I'm being good."

Angel laughed again. "Blair said he heard that, and he begged to differ...but he wouldn't do that to your relationship." He listened to the faint voice on the other end. "Spike, get to Xander's. A hell-hound picked him to be its master." He hung up and put the phone away. "Spike should be here fairly quickly."

***

Spike walked into the house and slammed the door. "Thank God that's bloody well over," he muttered. "No more boring blotches and sprinkles." He sat down at the table, noticing everyone was looking at him. "What?" he growled.

"Nice to see you're still wearing the suit," Angel told him.

"Hey, I helped him buy that," Xander pouted. "He looks good in it, it brings out his eyes."

"Ta, mate," Spike said, flipping Angel off. "Now, where's the beast?"

"Half beast," Oz told him. "Humphrey?" The dog came running, his nails clicking on the wood floors. "Watch out, he slobbers."

"Oi, you're a cutie, aren't ya," Spike said, giving him a smile while looking him over. "Definitely a hell beast. Good lines on 'im." He sat the dog down, looking into it's eyes. "Yeah, it chose you to teach it to become a good Hound. He's a hunter." He scratched the beast behind the ears. "So, what'dya need from me?"

"How to train him would be a good start," Wesley said delicately. "They thought he was a normal puppy until the veterinarian told them otherwise."

"Yup, and he said we could teach it to only hunt the bad guys," Xander added. "How do you do that?"

Spike laughed. "You haven't got a clue, have you?" he said. "It'll be fine. I'll help you." He glanced at his Sire. "As long as you protect me from Blair and his idea of 'culture'. Even Seth's been gettin' antsy about it."

"Fine with us," Oz said quickly. "We're moving to South Beach in a few months."

"You are?" Angel asked.

"How? You're the guardian of the key," Wesley reminded them.

"Which was the other reason we called you up here," Xander said. "We've got to move on for a few years, and we need help finding a new guardian for the key. We can help them set up in town and everything, but we won't be able to stay away if we can't switch it off."

"And with what I am, I've got to disappear every now and then," Oz told them all. "Otherwise people start asking why I haven't aged."

"I see," Wesley said softly. "What would you need in a guardian?"

"Well, Xander makes a good one because he believes," Oz told him. "Usually we ignore the whole thing because it's not that big of a deal."

"Will someone be staying here?" Angel asked.

"One of the housekeepers will be," Xander agreed. "We're not sure which one yet, but Henri's trying to claim rights."

"We'd be willing to set them up in our old house," Oz said quietly. "We've had a house rebuilt on the lot with the insurance money, but we could never live there again. It's got too many memories for us."

"But it'd have the lawn for the key's anchor," Xander said, taking Oz's hand to hold. "All they'd have to do would be to find a job to pay for things like food."

"How'd it find you?" Spike asked.

"I took it off the guy who was draining it into Cordy," Xander told him. "We'll need Willow to anchor it for the new guardian, but otherwise all they have to do is make sure it keeps draining the Hellmouth to a stable level of energy."

Oz noticed Humphrey sniffing around Angel's chair and glared at the dog. "No, Humphrey, leave him alone." The dog trotted back to his side and sat, getting pets for being so good. "Good boy to listen," he praised.

"Yes, Angel, you might want to be careful around him," Wesley told his boss. "He's got to think that your soul isn't natural."

"Probably smells funny to him," Spike noted. He looked at the dog again. "At least you look normal, Humph."

"Humphrey," Oz corrected. "I hate it when people shorten names that way."

"It's not that bad, Oz."

"Sure it is, Will," Angel said, smirking at his growling childe. "You don't like when people do it to you. Can you help them?"

"Sure I can," Spike agreed. "Not a big thing at all. Just a higher level of obedience trainin'." He shrugged. "Still a bit too young for it, but I'll come help you whenever it's time." He scratched the dog's ears again. "Such a big boy. You're gonna make grown men piss themselves, you will." He stood up. "Anything else?"

"Nah," Xander said, giving him a smile. "How did it go?"

"Just fine," Spike said with a smirk. "The roamer had fun, mate. Said Giles is 'bout ready to beg by now." He smiled at Wesley. "You wanna ride back so you don't have to hear poufy music?"

"No, thank you," Wesley told him. "I brought my bike up in case I wanted to beg to stay the night." He smiled at Oz. "May I? So I could go walk in the woods tomorrow?"

"Sure," Xander agreed. "Not a big to us. We've got plenty of rooms."

"Watch out for the baby ferrets, they like to cuddle," Oz warned.

Wesley smiled at him. "I shall. Not that I'd mind. Stake often climbs onto the couch when I'm taking a nap and helps me by sleeping on my chest with his tail up my nose." He stood up. "I'll just go get my case." He smiled at his coworkers and hurried out to get his things.

"Gotta agree with Wes, this is a killer place," the dark skinned man said.

"It was a godsend," Xander joked lightly. "Plenty of room for all the strange turns our life has had."

Oz groaned and tackled Xander, tickling him as they rolled around on the floor. "Bad joke," he admonished. Humphrey started to bark and bounce around them, wanting to play too. "Later," he told the dog.

"I'm sorry!" Xander squealed.

Angel shook his head. "Want a tour, Gunn? I've been here enough times to know part of my way around. Or Wes could do it," he said as he watched his other employee walk in and head up the stairs.

"Nah, I'll get it next time. The room I wandered into when I was lookin' for the bathroom was enough for tonight." He stood up. "We done?"

"Yes, we're done," Angel said, standing up also. "Xander, thank you for the excellent dinner. We'll let you get on with your...playtime." He quickly walked out, followed by Gunn, who just waved and smiled.

Wesley snickered as soon as he heard the door close. "And he didn't even walk into the writing room." He smiled fondly at the couple on the floor. "I'm glad you're still happy, the both of you, even with what Giles is doing."

"Besides cheating on us?" Xander asked.

"He's been playing in the dark arts," Wesley said, starting to frown. "He's cheating on you? With whom?"

"The Amanda woman," Xander said with a shrug. "She's getting hers too." He gave him a cruel smile. "I'm having fun showing them the error of their arrogance and stupidity."

"You're scary like this," Oz said, climbing off him. He looked toward the front door. "Spike, still here?"

"Yeah, mate, wanted to wait for the poof to head home. Looks better on me." He walked back into the dining room. "Don't worry, Wes, Xander here had me find a roamer demon. Both a'them are payin' heavily at the moment." He smirked. "Even if I do say so myself. Xander, I'm gonna head to the library."

"Go read my next chapter," Xander offered. "I need a demonic perspective, and after my last book, Micah swore never to read anything of mine ever again."

Spike shrugged and came around, pulling Xander off the floor. "Show me where it is and I'll read it for you. Not a big for me." He followed Xander into the writing room, taking the laptop once the file was opened for him, and settling in to read this new chapter of the erotic thriller that Xander was working on.

***

Amanda woke up screaming, clutching her chest. She started to cry. "I'm sorry!" she screamed. "No more!"

The man beside her on the bed reached back and patted her on the arm. "Another one?" the former cop asked.

"Yes," she sniffled, curling up on his chest. "Make them stop, Nick, please?"

"I'll do my best," he promised, cuddling her tightly. It had helped the other nights she'd had nightmares.

***

Oz looked at Xander, who was reading on the bed beside him. "What's a roamer demon?"

Xander looked at him then went back to reading. "It reminds you of your fondest nightmares."

"No one has fond nightmares," Ray said from the bottom of the bed.

"Not that sort of fond," Oz said, frowning at Xander. "You had something go into their dreams to punish them?"

"Only once or twice, just enough to get my point across," Xander said innocently.

Oz took the book and put it on his bedside table. "Xander, that was cruel."

"And what he did wasn't?" Xander asked, looking shocked. "Oz, he *cheated* on us. Something he's not supposed to do."

"Yeah, but you're not supposed to make his life a living hell because'a it," Ray pointed out. "That's what divorce is for."

Oz groaned and held his head. "We can't be divorced," he remembered. "Cupid and everyone sanctioned our marriage."

"Yup, so I'm making my point so it'll never happen again," Xander said firmly. "Do we have problems with that?" Both other men shook their heads. "Good. Oz, my book, please?" he asked.

Oz handed back the book. "Here. But they'd better not be permanently hurt."

"Nah," a voice drifted out over the air. "Giles is in the hospital, and no one's gonna take his head. And the walking-fingers woman is being kept sane by her friends. They've got the point."

"I'll tell Spike that the roamer demon can leave them alone then," Xander said, getting out of the bed and heading down to his writing room. "Spike?" he asked as he walked in. He sat down beside his friend, giving him a hug. "I'm sorry, I didn't know it was that sad. I thought it was only mildly angsty."

Spike wiped off his face. "S'good," he said gruffly. "What now?"

"Strife said they were already punished the point of hospitalization, that the roamer demons did a very good job, but they could quit now."

Spike nodded. "'Kay, I'll call 'em and tell 'em that." He gave Xander an impromptu hug. "Great work, whelp. Lookin' forward to the rest of it. Just a few mistakes and all." He stood up and left the house quickly, not wanting to embarrass himself.

Xander grinned and shut down his laptop. He liked the instant feedback. Maybe Spike would like to see the first book in the series.

***

Giles looked at the image on his computer screen, giving it the most pained and pitiful look he could. "Ethan, I have no idea what's wrong with me," he begged. "Please."

"Ripper, it should be obvious. You're being punished for something or other. What have you done recently?"

"Well," he said, then he shook himself. Not even Strife could be this mean. "Nothing."

Ethan snorted. "I bet. Ripper, you're starting to mess in things that you haven't before. That's bound to draw some attention to you. Maybe if you tell me the subject of these nightmares?" he sighed. His former friend hadn't been very forthcoming about what was really going on with him, even though he was expected to fix it.

"It's about me cheating on my mates," Giles said finally.

"You did what?" Ethan shrieked. "Giles, you know better! Even I know what you're messing with, and I'm not the one bound to them!"

"Ethan, I admit I'm stupid, but I couldn't control myself. The more I use my abilities, the more my libido grows. I've even had to resort to picking up women and paying for it." He frowned at the snickering on the other end of the video-chat. "It's not funny, Ethan."

"Oh, it is, Ripper, it really is. You're messing with extreme powers, and it has to bleed off somewhere. Where else would it go in such a controlled person?" He fell out of his chair.

"Ethan!" Giles said sharply. "It's not funny!"

"Oh, but it is." He finally got back into his chair, his face schooled into a calm look. "So, do you think it was your mates or one of the Gods you pissed off?"

"I have no idea, but I'd bet it was Strife." He grimaced. "I have no doubt that Xander put him up to it."

Ethan shook his head. "Giles, you have no idea what that boy is capable of on his own. You might try apologizing and explaining this to them, before you can never sleep again." He hung up and looked at the person standing behind him. "It really was the boy?"

Strife handed him a book. "He wrote that," he said with a shrug. "He's got the will and the mind."

Ethan shook his head. "Ripper screwed himself royally this time. I want to keep out of it."

"Hey, that's easy, don't pick a side." He pinched Ethan's nose, then disappeared in a shower of gray sparkles.

Ethan leaned back in his desk chair, starting on the novel. Anything that made the God of Mischief want to read it was probably something he wanted to read. A few hours later, he forced himself to put it down and go take a walk. That boy had some very *nasty* and *naughty* ideas. Nothing like his sex instruction manuals at all. He handed off the book to one of his coworkers, one who knew Xander a bit better, and continued on his trek to get some fresh air. "I want it back later," he warned as he walked.

***

Xander finished his last chapter in this new book and saved it, password protecting it. He really didn't want to have these published, but they were fun to write. He leaned back in his chair, smiling as the last page finished printing out. He slid fasteners through the already-punched holes and patted the front page, happy with himself. "Methos," he said as the older immortal walked past his doorway. "Will you proof something for me?"

"Of course," Methos agreed, coming in and sitting down. "Is this another like the last one? Something else that you're not going to have published?"

Xander curled up in his seat. "I just feel like no one would take me seriously, not after the sex manuals." He shrugged. "Besides, I'm really not sure these are good enough. These came out way too easily. Anything that easy probably isn't that good."

"Whatever," Methos said, knowing he couldn't change the young man's mind. "I'll read this, but Ray insisted that if this one made me as horny as the last one that I had to come jump you." Xander grinned at that. "All right, I'll read it; you go get ready for me."

Xander stood up and gave him a light kiss as he walked past him. "Thank you." He headed up to his room, going to get ready for his friend. As long as everyone said it was okay.... "Oz, Ray said Meth had to jump me if my latest stuff made him horny," he said as he walked into their room.

"Yeah, Meth made him too sore to sit last time," Oz said, rolling onto his side and putting down his magazine. "You're done?"

"Yeah, it came out really easily," Xander said as he sat down beside his mate. "I still don't think it's any good and he's just humoring me."

Oz cuddled Xander close. "I love you, even though you're insecure," Oz whispered in his ear, giving it a kiss. "I thought it was great."

"But you're my husband and Meth's my friend. You're both supposed to say things like that."

Oz snorted. "Maybe, but didn't Spike like the chapter you had him read?" Xander shrugged. "You didn't ask him?"

"Nope, he left as soon as he got done, and he didn't say anything about it when I went down to talk to him last night." He snuggled in. "Neither of them are very long," he complained. "Barely two hundred pages this time."

"Some books are better short," Oz told him. "Some books are meant to be epics. Personally, and I'm not saying this because you're my husband, I think the first one was great. It made me horny, and it made me depressed in spots, but it was definitely great."

"Maybe," Xander said. "So, are you going to be in here when Methos comes in and tells me it wasn't that arousing?"

"Yup. I want to watch." He licked up the side of his husband's throat. "Go get ready, Xander. Take a long soak and get soft skin." He pushed Xander up and watched him head into the bathroom. "I ought to send it out and let an editor tell him it's good," he told himself as he picked back up his magazine. "He'd kill me though."

"You got that right," came from the bathroom.

"But it'd make you feel better to know one way or the other," Oz called back.

"No."

"Not even to the editor that knows and works with you already?"

"No! Definitely not. I don't want him disappointed in me and canceling my contract."

"All right, but I want you to at least call him and ask him if he'd read it."

Xander stuck his head out of the bathroom. "No. And I don't want you going behind my back and talking to him about it either. I don't want him disappointed in me." He pulled his head back in and shut the door.

"Turtle Xander, a new Xander I've never encountered," Oz muttered.

Ray snickered from the doorway. "Where's my man?"

"Reading the next in Xander's new books that he won't let anyone outside of the family see."

"Ah. So, Xander's taking care of him afterwards?"

"Yup." Oz patted the bed.

"Nah, I'm gonna go walk the dogs." He grinned. "Have fun." He walked away.

Oz hummed. "I always have fun when I watch those two together." He went back to his reading, sure Xander was making himself soft and alluring for them.

***

Methos panted as he ran into the master bedroom, and Oz pointed at the bathroom. "Still?" he groaned.

"Bath still," Oz said with a shrug. "Already done?"

"Second chapter." Methos ran into the bathroom and Oz smiled as he heard splashing and groaning.

"Yeah, definitely got to do something to make the rest of the world horny with those. I don't think Xander's going to be able to take us all this time."

"Xander!" Methos screamed. "Naughty boy!"

Oz snickered. "Yup, that about sums him up. That and sewing fiend."

***

Oz walked into the writing room, looking over at his friend. "Problems?" he asked as he picked up the box of tissues and held it out.

"No, he just hit an emotional spot." He blew his nose. "This is really great, Oz. He's got to get these out."

"I've been trying, but he's being stubborn." He sat down in Xander's writing chair. "What's this one about?"

"A very screwed up individual. It'll definitely push your kinks." He blew his nose again and picked back up the manuscript to continue reading. "Oz, is he resting?" he asked a few pages later.

"Yup, but he's tied to the bed so he can't get away from you. Whenever you're done, he's there."

"Good. I think I'll need to wear some more lust out. This is really good. He's got some very lusty spots, and some very deep emotional spots that make you want to cuddle someone." He flipped the page. "And he puts them right next to each other so it's even more emotional."

Oz handed over the box of tissues again. "Keep it, it sounds like you'll be needing it again soon." He stood up and walked out, mentally shaking his head. His Xander was a great writer, but he could screw with your head better than Stephen King and make you feel sorry for some of the sickest characters.

***

Methos lurched into the bedroom, glaring at the man hitched to the bed. "You evil bastard," he breathed. "You killed him!"

"I'm sorry?" Xander said, hoping it was the right answer. "He finally got understood."

Methos walked over to the bed and pulled the thin sheet off Xander's body, kissing him hard as he stripped himself. "You're still a bastard. You made me want to care for the sick asshole, and then you killed him just when you thought he was finally going to find someone who understood and would be with him." He pulled Xander's legs up and thrust into the prepared channel. "I should fuck all those thoughts out of your head. Clean it for Oz."

"He likes my dirty mind," Xander complained, adjusting and relaxing so he was comfortable too. This was going to be a long, hard ride. "I did my best to make sure that she continued to love him and to take his place."

"I noticed," Methos grunted, thrusting harder. "You made me want to care for her too, all because she fell in love with a sick man." He screamed in frustration as he came. "I should leave you like that," he panted.

"Release me and I'll make it all better," Xander promised, giving him big, serious eyes.

Methos released the slim leather strap and rolled onto his back, waving at his body. "Yes, make it all better, Xander."

Xander rolled on top of the stressed out body, soothing it with his fingers and tongue as he moved over every inch of tight skin. He skipped the wet cock, moving down to stroke across the hairy calves and thighs, sucking lightly at the soft and ticklish spots. The body under him wiggled, and he moved back up the chest, licking only this time. He made it to the lips and stole a kiss, moving the rest of his body up so he could slip Methos' cock back into him. As he started a gentle ride, he felt the warm hands come up to brace him, so he smiled at the man under him. "Are you starting to feel better yet?" he whispered, leaning down for another kiss.

"No, she's still taking after him."

"You never finished," Xander said happily. "You'll feel better about the ending."

"I hope so, because where I left off was making me quite upset." Methos shoved up hard. "More, imp. I can't take more teasing. I've been teased for hours now by your mind, and I can't take more from your body."

Xander smiled. "I think that's the nicest compliment I've ever gotten." He leaned backwards, grabbing his lover's ankles as Methos pushed up into him.

"Oh, I like that one," Ray said as he walked in and laid down on the bed beside them. He leaned over and sucked in Xander's cock, making his own lover groan.

Methos started pushing in harder, working it as much as he could. He loved watching Xander and Ray pleasure each other, it was one of his favorite turn-ons. He came with a muted groan, not wanting to interrupt the two younger men. He helped Xander stretch out, rubbing over Ray's back as they continued to suck at each other's cocks. Ray came first, moaning into the warm flesh and causing Xander to come. "So very beautiful," Methos sighed, pulling them both into his arms. "I'll finish the last few pages in a little while," he said through a yawn.

Xander smirked at Ray. "He was upset because I killed the guy."

"He shouldn't have died, Xander," Methos murmured.

"I promise, he's not really gone," Xander whispered to him. "It'll be all okay by the last page."

Ray grinned at him. "You did it again, didn'cha?" he asked.

Xander shrugged. "I still say it's not good enough to be printed."

"Xander, dreck is printed as real books every day," Methos murmured, half-asleep. "Those are much better than most of the crap that's on the shelves today. You're sending it to your editor tomorrow, or I'm going to drag you down there in handcuffs and make you hand it over." He gave Ray a squeeze. "He'll help."

"'Kay, if you say so," Xander said, looking at Ray and shaking his head.

Ray nodded. "Oh, yeah. I'll even be nice and use the padded ones."

Xander shook his head. "He won't like it."

"Yeah, he will," Ray assured him, giving him a hug. "Now, sleep, before he gets his energy back."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be back after the last few pages," Xander said with a smirk.

***

The next morning Xander was dragged into his editor's office by Methos and Ray and forced to hand over both manuscripts. "Here, they said I had to give these to you," he said with a pout.

"I'd hope so...considering we have a contract," his editor said dryly. He flipped through the top one's first few pages. "Not another sex manual?"

"No, erotic thrillers," Methos said, adjusting himself. "He's concerned that it's not good enough to print."

The editor looked at Xander over the top of the page. "You've always had low self- esteem, haven't you?"

Xander nodded. "Only about my writing."

"Well, I'll definitely look these over," the editor said, putting them down. He smiled as Xander and Ray left, but not Methos. "Are they worth reading?"

"I jumped my Ray four times during the first one and spent myself three times with Xander during the second." He smiled. "Trust me, read them in order. The boy has a way of making you accept and love to loathe some very sick people with some very bad kinks." He looked at the manuscripts and shifted them around. "That one's first. Trust me, you won't be able to put them down either." He walked out, leaving the man alone.

The editor picked up the first book and started on it, having to get up after twenty pages to get some ice so he wouldn't mess up his office. "Oh, yeah, this boy's got to get these out." He walked them down to his boss' office. His boss may be straighter and more uptight about the publishing house's image, but not even he could say no to these. And if the old man did, he'd take the books and start his own company; these would make him millions. "Sir," he said after tapping on the door. "Xander Harris just submitted two books for approval, both erotic thrillers. Both guaranteed to make you cry at the same time that you want to grab someone and rub them raw." His boss held out a hand so he handed them over, watching as his boss started reading the first one. Within a few minutes, the old man was sweating, and a few minutes after that, he had to call an ambulance because the man had collapsed after grasping his chest. "Sir, does that mean we're doing them?" he asked as the paramedics rushed in.

"Yes, print them," the senior editor gasped as they put the oxygen mask on him.

"Yes, sir. I'll prioritize them and get the edits back to the author as soon as possible." He got out of their way, taking the books with him so he could go work on them. Maybe after reading them for a second time, he wouldn't get distracted.

***

Xander stomped into the house and flopped down on one of the couches, continuing to sulk. "He didn't like them, I know he didn't," Xander muttered when Methos walked into the room. He was handed a message and read it reluctantly, then frowned and looked up. "Huh?"

"Oz took the message after we'd left." Methos sat down beside him and pulled him in for a cuddle. "It seems that the first book gave the senior editor, the one above yours, a heart attack. They're prioritizing the books, and you'll have the edits within three weeks." He tapped the message. "They did like it, just like we did."

"But...."

"No buts," Methos told him, giving him a squeeze. "You're a very talented writer, Xander; you should have confidence about your writing, the same sort that you have about your sex appeal."

"Yeah, but most people don't see things the way I do. They don't understand how my mind works, and why their narrow view of the world is what's really killing them."

"And while that's a good point," Oz said as he walked in, handing over a glass of lemonade, "they still want to be titillated by something risque and out of the ordinary. Otherwise, horror stories wouldn't be as popular as they are." He cuddled in on the other side of his husband. "Everyone who's read those books and that know you were intensely aroused by them. The people that didn't know you and read them were aroused but maybe not as much. You've got the touch to titillate and thrill, not to mention make horny. You should never doubt it, Xander. You're an excellent writer. You should be confident about that."

"But no one buys my books."

"Yeah, they do. You're not a top seller, but you're a favorite to read. I've heard of people buying your first sex manual and handing it to their children once they got old enough to need it." He rubbed Xander's thigh gently. "Why do you stress over the little stuff? You've got a contract so that means you're good. You've kept the contract so that means that you're making the company some money."

"I'm getting hate mail," Xander said quietly.

"Of the 'I hate you' sort?" Methos asked.

"No, of the 'you should burn in hell and die horribly, in that order' sort." He sighed. "She said I was a sick and perverted person, and that not even God would ever forgive me. Oh, and that she was personally going to start a campaign to get me banned from publishing or from coming into this country again."

"Wow, really bad hate mail," Oz agreed, taking the glass of lemonade and putting it aside so he could give his husband a hug. "You knew that there were sick people in the world, babe," he said quietly. "She's just proved the point."

"Why shouldn't you be allowed back into the country?" Methos asked. "You're a citizen."

"Yeah, but his profile in the back of most of the books said that he travels extensively," Oz told him.

"Still, they can't keep you out of your own country."

"No, but she's already started a group to try and force bookstores to ban me," Xander told him, looking up at him. "They sent me a very nice letter about how filthy, unclean, and unholy I am."

"Damn," Methos muttered. "Did you do anything?"

"I sent them a nice letter about their opinions and thanking them for the publicity." He grinned. "They've now gotten hold of one of my email addresses. I'm being deluged by hate mail there too. It's a real strong campaign to get me to quit writing."

"Then you'll definitely have to write more," Oz told him. "People like that need to be shot, but all you can do is persevere and keep going."

"Have you told your editor yet?" Methos asked.

"Why?"

"Because this is something he probably should know about," Oz agreed. "It's not the logical step, but it might be of some help."

"I'll do that today," Xander sighed. "But it is free publicity. They've even gotten articles in the New York Times about how they're trying to stop me and how I mocked them with that letter."

"Hmm, sounds like we may need to do something more profound than sit back and laugh at them," Ray said as he walked in. He looked down at Xander, hands on his hips. "And you didn't tell us about this why, young man?"

"Because they weren't going to do anything physically to me," Xander told him. "All they're doing is throwing words and being bullies."

"Hey, bullies can be handled," Ray reminded him, leaning down for a kiss. "Call your editor and give him the information, or do whatever he wants you to do with it if he doesn't want it." He grinned. "And if he can't do anything about it, then we'll have to do something else, huh?"

"We can't do anything too high profile," Oz reminded him. "Xander's past and our lives aren't that hard to find if you're being vindictive and really looking for it."

"Maybe I should switch identities," Xander said thoughtfully. "Maybe it's time."

"It might happen, but let's see what your editor can do about it first, okay?" Methos suggested, standing up. "Come on, let's go talk to him." He heaved Oz and Xander up as one, letting them lead the way into the office so Xander could log into his email account and get his bookmarks.

Xander hung up, feeling a little better. Letting the editor know had turned into them telling the legal and publicity departments and getting them working on it, after the editor had told them about the two new books coming out. They'd deal with the assholes now, and Xander could focus on the important stuff... like making everyone around him happy again.

"So, how do we decorate the new house?" he asked over dinner.

The Plan

Xander picked up the review for his first book and read it out loud. This had become their new method of reinforcing Xander's opinion that he was a great writer. "A story that's not very complex, but that's gripping, with characters that you really want to hate and take a bath in bleach after reading about them, but make you feel sorry for them by the end." He picked up the next review in the pile that Ray had found for him. "Characters so slimy, they're real." He hummed and put that one aside. "A mesmerizing story that makes you want to shoot the character and then cuddle them to make it all better, but only after you put a whole-body prophylactic on them." He laughed at that one. "Guess he'll really like the second one then, huh?" He picked up the last one of the day. "A story so intense that..." He cleared his throat. "That you want to rub someone raw and make the characters bleed from the ears at the same time. A study in the lowlifes that surround people but also the things that make them tick. Done so well that even this jaded reviewer, who hates people who aren't like him, can sometimes feel sorry for the sickos. An arousing tale that makes you cringe even as you want to masturbate, and makes you want to kill the bastard, but to get him help and understanding while you do so. A very novel read from an excellent new author." He put that one down too. "Wow. I wonder what he'd say if he knew I wasn't exactly a new author."

"Writing sex manuals isn't exactly in line with writing a novel," Ray pointed out, buttering his muffin. "Any more hate mail?" Xander nodded. "Did you turn it over too?" He got another nod. "Good. Hopefully, they'll add publicity to this one and you'll sell a whole lot so we won't have to wait a year for the second book to come out."

Oz groaned. "Don't get him started, he's already working on the third one." He looked at his husband. "Weren't you the one who said you'd probably only ever write in fantasy?"

Xander grinned. "Yeah, and then I got stuck in that one story."

"How many more stories do you have on your computer?" Methos asked.

"A few," Oz said dryly. "He writes whenever he's bored and not sewing or shopping." He slid a piece of bacon down to the begging Humphrey at his feet. "Here, eat this, not my pant's leg." The hell-hound/Great Dane snatched it from his hand and gobbled it with a lot of noise. "Gee, thanks for leaving the fingers," Oz said, checking them over to make sure they were all right.

"How many more is a few?" Methos asked Xander, making the younger man look at him. "How many more should I be prepared to work over for you?"

Xander grinned. "None. Most of them are started but not finished."

"Most?" Ray asked.

"Yeah, there might be one that needs to be finished, but not really any that I can work on."

"May I read them?" Methos asked gently, knowing how Xander hated to show anyone a work in progress because he never got those ones finished. "I promise not to do more than to check them over and scan them for an interesting plot line."

Xander patted him on the hand. "Don't worry, all those are pretty well screwed. I can't seem to get past the point where they are." He shrugged. "I'll get you into the password protected files after breakfast."

"Thank you, Xander, it's a great honor to be your editor." He smiled at his Ray. "You didn't have much to do today, did you?"

"Nah, not a whole lot. Just helping Xander decorate the new place."

"Good. Then you'll do that in Oz's office while I go over the other stories, and Oz can play with the animals today."

"Or Oz can help D'Nalia and Henri work on cleaning up the mess that is the animal room," Oz noted. "Which he'd rather do than just playing with the animals."

"I cleaned it last week," Xander pouted. "It shouldn't be dirty yet."

"It is. Apparently we have a hairball monster and a shedding beast." He shrugged. "No big, I can help them do that. There's not much else they've got to do today anyway."

"Maybe the twins'll come back," Ray said happily. "They liked you almost as much as they liked the ferrets."

"Yeah, they were neat little guys," Oz said, "but I'm very glad that I'm not a daddy and never will be one."

"But you're a daddy to all the animals," Xander pointed out with a naughty grin.

"Yes, and I'm going to stay a daddy to only our animals," Oz reminded him, waving his fork around. "We're not adopting real children, Xander;, the furry ones are quite enough."

"Yes, dear," Xander said meekly, shooting Methos his naughtiest grin. "Of course we won't. We wouldn't want to make sure a kid got through college or anything, right?"

"Xander," Oz warned. "No."

"I was thinking about sometime in the future, when financial aid finally breaks down and no one but the really rich can afford to go to college and become someone. Maybe something like an anonymous scholarship?"

"I'll think about it," Oz groused. It was a really good and decent idea, but he didn't want the publicity.

"To which school, Xander?" Methos asked. "There's thousands of schools across the country."

"I don't know. The idea just came to me earlier this morning when I was thinking about how I needed to give back to the community." He looked down at his plate. "Besides making a lot of people horny, I haven't given much back to Sunnydale."

"And keeping it safe," Oz added for him.

"And that, but no one really cares about that in this town," Xander sighed. "It's not like I'm making a difference. No one knows and no one cares what the keystone is doing, or even what we used to do. People around here ignore that until it bites them on the ass and then they complain."

"Yeah, but it's still important."

"Yes, but I'd like to have someone know that I was the one who made the difference sometimes, you know? Maybe even say 'thanks' or 'you saved me' or even how about 'gee, that was a nice thing you did'. All I get now are surly and suspicious looks from everyone. Even when I'm wearing the illusion Willow made for me."

"It sucks," Oz agreed, reaching over to touch him, "but you knew that you'd never be able to live in the limelight that way when we took up together."

"Not the issue," Xander told him dryly. "Oz, when you save someone, they say thank you, right?" Oz nodded, starting to get the picture. "I stopped a mugger the other day and I got given dirty looks for it."

"Oh, man," Ray complained, "that's not right."

"No, it's not right, but that's human nature. It's the same thing that Xander's feeling at the moment." He smiled at his former student. "I do understand the need for recognition, Xander, but there's only so much you can do before you hit the spotlight, which could very well endanger us all."

"But I don't want the spotlight, I just want one person to thank me for being good and doing the good stuff," Xander whined.

"Yeah, I felt like that as a cop all the time," Ray told him, giving him a smile. "And then, someday, someone'll yell at you for doing something good, and you'll scream back, and you'll end up on susp...I mean grounded to the house."

Methos looked over at his husband. "You were suspended for that?"

"My former boss thought I needed some time to cool down and regroup, or go get drunk and forget about it," he said with a shrug. "It's all part of being a hero. You never get the thanks you deserve and no one cares that you're doin' the job until someone gets hurt and you were busy elsewhere."

"Especially if you were saving someone else at the time," Methos reminded him.

"Yeah, can't forget about that part," Ray sighed. "Anyway, Xander, it's not all it's cracked up to be, but you'd be miserable if you didn't do it."

"Maybe," Xander sighed. "But it still sucks. A lady even tried to hit me when I knocked down the mugger and handed the other old lady her purse back."

"Did you tell the cops?" Ray asked.

"Yup, and he just grinned and told me that's the way life was with little old ladies around." He shuddered. "I'm *so* glad I won't have to deal with her again, she's always hated me."

"Who?"

"Probably the lady who died yesterday," Oz told him. "It was in the papers. She was never nice to any of us that she saw in the school system when she was the junior high's librarian."

"She was never a happy woman, unless we had really big fines to pay," Xander agreed.

"And she tried to clobber ya for giving back a purse?"

"Yup," Xander said, starting to feel a little better now.

"Xander, did you know that there were people who wanted to skin you alive and prove that you're a demon?" Henri asked as she walked in.

"Yeah," he sighed. "I have my very own hate group. What did you get?"

"Just a chain letter saying that you were a sick, perverted man, and that we should continue to force you out of writing, to try to prevent you from contaminating our young." She handed over the printed letter. "Here, I thought you might like this one," she said with a smile. "I wrote back and told the person who sent this exactly what I thought of this sort of tactic and exactly what I thought about you as an author. Though, I did pick up your latest book," she said with a disapproving frown, "and I was quite shocked by the content."

"You could have had one of our comp copies," Oz told her.

"I got it out of the library. They've got it marked so only adults can take it out." She smiled at the men. "Don't worry, I wasn't *that* shocked. I figure you probably know someone like that."

"Want to read the second one now?" Oz asked her. "We've got a preliminary copy around here somewhere."

"Let me finish the first one first, Oz." She patted Xander on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Xander, they'll have to go away someday, they'll die."

"Point," Xander agreed, "but by then I'll have to quit writing for a while anyway."

"No, you'll have to quit *publishing*," Ray told him. "You never have to quit writing."

"Though, there was once a writer that worked with their child, sharing writing duties and a pen name," Methos noted. "Then the child started to work with their child as the mother retired, keeping the same pen name."

"An immie?" Ray asked.

"No, not at all. I met them when it was all three at once at a convention. Quite fascinating and really a good idea as they all wrote so similarly."

"And what a way to keep a contract too," Oz agreed.

"Yeah, but I don't have a child that I can do that with," Xander pointed out, ending the discussion. "Henri, Oz said he's going to be helping you clean up the animal room today."

"That would be fine, Xander," she said, giving him a bright smile. "Better him than me to run the vacuum over those gyms. I really don't feel like stretching all that much today."

"I'll do the gyms if you'll do the floor," Oz offered. She nodded so he waved a hand at the empty chair. "Breakfast?"

"No thank you, Oz, I've already eaten," she said with a smile. "Though, technically, it's closer to lunch." She went to put up her things and check the kitchen to make sure no one had left a mess.

Oz started eating again, needing to hurry. Henri wouldn't wait for him to finish before she tackled the room.

***

Methos looked over the file directory for Xander's stories, frowning at the number in the completed section. He had had to hack into the file directory to get here, but that was all right because Xander had another three books already in there. He opened the first one, frowning at the new password box that popped up. He tried the same password but it didn't work, and neither did any of the others he tried. On the last one, the computer locked up and refused to let him do anything so he had to restart it and start the process all over again.

Xander leaned in the doorway. "Problems?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, what's the password for those completed stories?" Methos asked, leaning back on the couch and getting comfortable. Xander just stared at him. "You did say I could read them."

"Not those."

"You know I'll get into them sometime."

"Maybe," Xander said as he walked in, "but maybe not. I didn't want anyone to read those, Methos, not even you," he noted. "Leave them alone."

"Xander," Methos started.

"No. Please leave them alone."

"All right, I'll leave them alone," Methos sighed. "What are they?"

"Just something I was doodling out a few months back."

"Are they disturbing for you?" Xander shook his head. "Then why not let me read them?"

"Because they're private and I'd like to keep them that way. And I'm going to move them tonight so you won't be able to read them. Don't try, okay?" He walked away, heading to go shop online.

Methos shook his head and looked down at the computer, which was asking for a password. "What was the main one again?" he muttered as he tried to get into Windows.

Methos tapped the CD he had burnt against his thigh before slipping it into it's new case and heading up to his room. He would break the encryption and then he'd see what Xander was hiding from everyone. With his luck, it'd be something so dirty that he'd never get out of bed. He hid the CD in a spot where not even Ray would find it, and then went to take a shower. What he had been allowed to read had turned him on and he really needed to do something about this before Ray got the wrong idea and jumped him. He wasn't really in the mood for sex today, at least not yet. It was too early in the afternoon.

***

Xander checked on his laptop and sighed when he saw the message that told him someone had copied a story off it. Willow had gifted him with that program when she learned he was writing professionally, ...mostly so he'd know if anyone had stolen another story off his computer. He knew who had done it, and he was going to kill them for it, but he needed to calm down first. The only person who might know the password to those files was Willow, and Methos wouldn't be calling her for help. He wasn't like that. Now all he had to do was go find the CD. He got up and headed up to the other couple's room, tapping on the door as he walked in. "Hey, Ray, where would Methos hide a CD?"

Ray pointed at the closet. "In there, his side, I'm not allowed to search it for presents and stuff. Why?"

"He copied something off my computer that I didn't want him to read." Xander headed for the closet.

"Well, you did say he could check out your works," Ray reminded him. He got up and stopped Xander, giving him a hug. "I'm sure he'll love these too. This is just lack of self- confidence in your writing."

Xander got free and shook his head. "It's not a story, Ray, and no one's reading it. This isn't self- confidence; this is called protection." He went into the closet and found the CD fairly quickly, bringing it out. He waved it as he headed down to Oz's office; he had an eraser down there. He stuck the CD into the machine and smiled at the warning beep, clicking to erase it. He looked up as Methos cleared his throat. "Never take anything off my computer again, Methos, I didn't? want you to read that and I expect some respect in that area." He took out the blank CD and handed it over as he walked past the older man, going to his writing room and slamming the door.

Methos winced. He had screwed up, but...how did Xander know? He shrugged it off and went to talk to the young man. He found the door locked and sighed. "Fine, I'll apologize later," he told himself, going to talk to Oz. After all, Oz took care of the computer for Xander.

***

"Leave it alone," Oz warned him quietly. "It's not a story. That's the only password protected section he has on the harddrive, so he stuck it there. No one's allowed in those files."

"And you don't worry about that?"

"Nope." Oz looked up at his best friend. "Even Xander needs things that are private. Personally, I think it's a diary entry about some of the bad things that have happened to him. Don't do it again. Xander will never forgive you for breaching his privacy that way." He stood up, trying the bag of dirty litter as he walked past his friend. "Unless you and Ray want to take a sudden and very long holiday, I'd never try it again," he warned.

Methos sighed. That was not the answer he expected. Oz didn't like it when Xander kept things from him either. He headed to go try and talk to the young man again, hoping that this time the door would at least be unlocked. It was, and open again too. He walked in and sat down on the couch, waiting for Xander to acknowledge him.

"Works better when you say something," Xander noted, not looking up.

"I'm sorry I invaded your privacy, Xander. I had no idea that those weren't stories that you were wary of showing off."

"Next time don't go looking for stuff," Xander said simply. "You had to have gone looking to find them." He did look up then. "And break two more passwords. Never do it again, Methos, or leave and never come back."

Methos shuddered at the cold tone in his friend's voice. "I'm sorry, Xander. I had no idea that this was such a big thing for you. I'll never do it again."

"Thank you. Anything else?"

Methos sighed and got up, giving him a hug. "I'm sorry, imp. I really am."

"It's all good then," Xander agreed. He gave him a light smile, but not his usual warm and welcoming one. "Go rest, it's okay. I'm not mad at you anymore."

"Thank you." Methos walked out, knowing he had just done one of the stupidest things in his life. He would be paying for this for years. He flopped down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, considering his options at the moment. He could take Ray and leave on another short vacation, hoping that Xander would have really forgiven him by the time he got back.

"Methos!" Oz said from the doorway.

"Yes?" he asked quietly, turning his head to look at his best friend.

"What did you do to Xander? He's really upset." He walked in and sat on the end of the bed. "Of the not talking to anyone sort of upset. He just went out to pound on something at his forge."

"I apologized for trying to read those three things," he told him.

"Oh." Oz frowned. "And he got upset because you apologized?"

"No, he said he forgave me, but he was still chilly towards me."

"You know Xander doesn't trust that easily," Oz reminded him. "You broke it majorly when you took that CD."

"I know." Methos stared at the ceiling again. "It could be that my wanting to read it has brought back the memories that are contained in those files," he noted. "Either that or he's really pissed at me, take your pick."

"I'm hoping it's the first, because I'd hate to see you leave," Oz said as he stood up and walked out.

"Me too," Methos sighed, his heart starting to hurt. This was the second most important relationship in his life, and he had just messed it up very badly.

***

Xander walked into Methos' room and slammed the door. "What did you say to Oz?"

"Just that I had apologized." He sat up and looked at his favorite student. "Xander, he asked why I had upset you and I told him I had apologized. And that I surmised that you pounding your frustration out on the forge was about what was contained in those files." He shrugged. "Other than that, I haven't said anything to Oz." He stood up. "If you want me to leave, tell me so, Xander. Don't take it out on Oz."

"Shut up!" Xander shrieked, coming over and pushing him back onto the bed. "Don't you even *think* about leaving me! You selfish bastard."

Methos stared at him in shock, then jumped up and hugged the young man. "I'm sorry, Xander, I didn't mean to upset you further, ...just to give you a way out if you needed it." The young man sniffed and clung to him. "I was right, it contains bad memories, doesn't it, little one?" he asked, calming Xander down by laying them both down and holding him. He got a nod and sighed. "I'm sorry, Xander, I had no intention of bringing it all back by my enormous nose getting in the way."

Xander snorted at that. "It's okay."

"It's not. You're upset with me over it, and you need to get that out. Before you start having nightmares about the incidences in those files."

Xander shook his head. "I have them anyway," he admitted.

"I see. Would you like to talk about them? Purely to get the healing started," he amended when Xander glared at him.

"No, I have someone I can talk about things like that with," he admitted.

"For how long?"

"Few years now. Well, he's not here anymore, but I can still talk to him." He shivered a little and Methos pulled a blanket up over them both. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Xander. Remember, you're the second most important person in my life, right after Ray. I'd do anything to help you or make you feel better, especially when I caused the problem." He wrapped the young man tighter in his arms. "Just relax, Xander, I'm not moving and neither are you for a little while."

"Okay," Xander said quietly, relaxing and letting himself calm down. "You're really good at this stuff," he eventually whispered.

"After being alive for five thousand years and spending at least a thousand of that as the biggest bastard on the planet, I should hope so."

"They were bigger bastards than you were," Oz said from the doorway. "Or at least Kronos was." He walked in and snuggled in on Xander's other side. "You okay now?"

"I'm better," Xander agreed. "Seeing those files brought back all the horrible stuff, making me think about them."

"Ah, so you were locking them away that way so you didn't have to think about them," Oz said, tapping Methos on the shoulder and giving him a glare. "And when someone opened them...."

"I never opened them, Oz, I tried because I thought that they were other stories that he was being shy about, but I never got them open"

"Oh." Oz shrugged. "Sorry."

"It's all right. It's good that you love him so much that you'd protect him from everything. It's something I'd like to aspire to with my Ray."

"Sometimes I don't need protected," Xander noted. "Just comforted." Both men squeezed him. "Thanks." He closed his eyes again. "Can we nap now?"

"Of course."

"Sure."

"Thanks." Xander settled in and started a short nap, needing one now. He trusted Oz not to kick Methos out, and Methos to not make Oz more upset.

Oz and Methos shared a look, then they both nodded. They'd talk later about what to do with this new information.

***

Xander woke up next to Ray, and snuggled in for a few minutes. "Where's the old guys?"

"Downstairs cooking." Ray pushed Xander's head up. "Is Meth in trouble?" He got a head shake and a shy smile. "Good. Now, what's this all about? Besides the master of prying?"

"Those files weren't stories, they're how I deal with some of the bad things that've happened to me," Xander said quietly. "I don't want anyone to read them."

"Then we won't," Ray agreed. "Did he apologize? 'Cause I'll go beat him for ya if you need me to."

"No, he apologized but the thoughts keep coming back and swirling around in my head. It's like toilet bowl head."

"I can understand that," Ray told him, letting Xander rest on him again. "Need to talk about it?"

"No thanks. I have somewhere I can go do that."

"Okay. As long as you know that we're all here for you to do that to."

Xander nodded and started to relax. Everyone around him loved him; they wouldn't let him go too far with these thoughts. "Maybe I'll go there tonight."

"Just be careful and bring a stake," Ray told him, getting comfortable. "Dinner's in about an hour if you wanted to keep doing this."

"Yeah, I'd like that."

***

Oz watched as Xander drove off with their hell-hound/Great Dane puppy and shook his head. "At least he's protected," he said as he walked back inside, running into Methos. "Never again, right?"

"No, Oz, I'm never going to violate his privacy that way again." He gave the younger immortal a hug. "Are we all right again?"

"We weren't bad before," Oz told him. "I was just worried about Xander."

"And you should be," Ray said as he walked out of the kitchen with a drink. "Keeping it hidden that way doesn't help him deal with it. It's avoidance instead of dealing." He handed the glass to Methos. "Here, you need this."

"I do?"

"Yup, you do," Ray said, heading out to the back porch. "Hey, Oz, did Xander mean to leave that in the fire?"

"Probably not," the immortals said together as they walked out to look at the newest project. The iron rod glowed brightly in the dim light, not giving away what was at the other end. At least not until Methos grabbed one of the sets of tongs and pulled it out to look at.

"A unicorn?" he asked.

"A flying dragon with a horn," Ray corrected, after staring at it.

"Looks like a stamp," Oz noted.

"It might be," Methos agreed, dipping the rod into the bucket of water to cool it down. "I'll bank the fire for the night." They left him alone, letting him deal with the forge. Oz had never had a real touch for working with metal, not even horseshoes or his own sword when it needed fixing. When he was done, Methos stood up, taking the rod out to dry it off, not wanting it to rust, and went back inside, drinking the water greedily.

***

Xander walked back into the house and flopped down onto a couch, looking around for his lover and friends. "Guys?" he called.

Oz came jogging in. "What took you so long?" he asked, leaning down for a kiss as he sat in his mate's lap.

"We've got a new master vampire in town. He sent a representative to me in the cemetery."

"Oh." Oz looked down at the dog, then back at his husband. "Bad meeting?"

"No, good one. He's swearing up and down that he's not going to interfere with the hellmouth and that he wants a truce."

"You told him we don't do truces?" Xander nodded. "What did he say?"

"He said he had a crop of feeders and that he wasn't going to attack the populace without good reason." Xander shrugged and wrapped his arms around his Oz's waist. "I'm figuring he's going to try something."

"Should we call Angel?"

"Nah, I think we should call Spike and offer him control of the town. Him and Seth, I trust Seth to guard the Hellmouth."

"Hmm," Oz said, sniffing the warm scent coming off his mate's skin. "You weren't scared?"

"Not at all. The vampire was a wuss. Real scrawny and not real smart."

"Ah, then even Seth could take over." Xander nodded, giving him a smile. "Let me grab the phone and we'll call Angel." He got up and grabbed the phone and their personal phone book. "Here it is, Seth's cellphone." He dialed it and handed it over.

"Hey, bro," Xander said in greeting. His smile got brighter. "Sorry for interrupting. Yeah, I think we do. Can you, Spike, and just Angel come up? Because we've got a new master in town and he's a wuss. Yeah, but we're leaving town in a few months," Xander pointed out. Then he laughed. "Well, gee, that wasn't *exactly* what I was thinking...but pretty close." A short pause. "Sure, tonight's fine." He hung up. "The three vamps will be up here tonight."

"Coolness. Can we do this for a while?" Oz asked, climbing back into the offered lap.

"Of course. I like this part of us." Xander cuddled him close, relaxing again. His Oz was the best soother for his frazzled nerves. He looked toward the back of the house, wondering if he had turned down the forge.

"Methos took out the rod and cooled it down, and shut everything down for you," Oz said quietly. "It's a pretty mark."

"Yeah, it is. I thought about making it my personal one. I mean, I have my guild marking, which is for the whole family, but I wanted one just for me. I thought it was appropriate."

"It suits you," Oz agreed. "You've dealt with dragons, and a unicorn's horn would mean intelligence and knowledge, right?" Xander shrugged. "You didn't know?"

"No, I thought it was kinda symbolic of a sword personally, or something phallic."

"That could work too," Oz agreed easily. "We'll look up the exact meaning if you want."

"Okay."

Ray jogged in. "Guys, you've got to come see this. Your hate group's on Leno." They jumped up and followed him up to the third floor and the entertainment room.

Xander sat in Methos' lap, watching the woman on the screen. Then he burst out laughing. "Oh, record this, record it," he ordered. "She's wearing some of my jewelry."

Oz pushed the button to record the segment, smiling with good humor. She was so screwed. "I know there's a feedback addy for NBC. Want to write to them?"

"My publisher wants me to do something in the way of publicity," Xander agreed. "But writing and telling him would be pretty cool. Wonder if they could do something about it tomorrow."

"Who knows," Methos said, tickling Xander. "What else is going on downstairs?" he asked once Xander had calmed down again.

"New master vamp in town, but he's a wuss."

"Ah. Are we expecting visitors then?"

"Definitely," Ray said. Xander looked over at him. "I saw the open phonebook."

"Ah." Xander snuggled in. "I had a good talk with an old friend and I'm all okay again," he announced.

"Good, we're glad that you're feeling better," Methos told him, letting go of that last little piece of regret about what he had done. "Now all we need to do is watch and see if this is really live."

"It's no, it's taped earlier in the day," Ray reminded him. "Man, Leno's holding up pretty well for someone his age."

"He's not that old, maybe sixty now," Methos told him.

"Late fifties," Xander corrected. "He was in his forties when he took over the show." He smiled as Oz walked back in. "Get an automated response?"

"Yup, but then I got another email back from them so apparently they're reading them as they come in to forward. He said he'd definitely get this to Leno and asked if we had anyone to contact about a possible appearance."

"Only my publisher," Xander said dryly. "Did you give them his number?"

"I only had the email for your editor so I gave him that and said they'd have to work through those guys." He sat down beside Methos, pulling Ray into his lap.

"Who's comin' up?" Ray asked.

"All three big, bad vamps," Oz told him. "Angel, Spike, and Seth."

"Somehow, I still see Seth as a fluffy puppy," Xander admitted. "Even though I've seen him in a bar brawl, he just seems more civilized somehow."

"It's all Blair's influence," Oz said. "You and Spike both said that he grew up on the wrong side of the tracks."

"Point," Xander agreed, "but I still think he's more of a genteel guy than a mass killer like Spike was when he was younger."

"Or Angelus," Oz reminded him.

"Yeah, or him."

"Gee, that's a compliment," Angel said as he walked in. "I was in town," he said at the shocked looks. "What's up?"

"We've got a wuss leading the town, and we can't leave it that way," Oz told him.

"So you found a solution, or were you going to wipe him out?" Angel asked, sitting across from them.

"I was thinking that Seth would be the perfect person to guard the Hellmouth actually," Xander told him, giving him a smile. "He knows about magic, but he won't use it. He'll guard the thing with his life because he doesn't want something to happen that he'll have to fix."

"Spike would be beside him the whole way and he knows Sunnydale," Angel added. "It's a good plan. Were you really going to offer it to them? Everyone in town would become fair game that way."

"Not if we negotiate," Xander pointed out, sitting up a little bit. "We can negotiate with him, right?"

"Yes, you can," Angel said with a smile. "You took your demon protocol lessons very well."

"Thanks, Angelus," Xander said, standing up and looking down at him. "You're not the new master, correct?"

"No," he sighed, "and I haven't slipped my soul, Xander. I'm just really pleased that you're taking an interest in their relationship. It saves me from doing it."

Xander shook his head. "If you say so. Would that be acceptable to you, as Spike's Sire?"

"Very much. Spike would rule effortlessly. He almost did twice before, this time shouldn't be any different. Just remember, you'll have to negotiate to not destroy the town or to not eat everyone."

"Not a problem," Spike said as he walked in. He smiled at Xander. "Seen the wuss did you?"

"No, I saw his second in command, the wuss never said a word. All he did was lean against his car and try to look tough and mean." He shook his head. "Anyway, if we can negotiate, I'll let you two take over guarding the Hellmouth while we're gone."

"Sounds good to me," Spike agreed, sitting down. "Seth's playing with the dogs. Really likes the hell-hound mutt." He smiled at the others. "All of you agree?"

"All of us agree...with a few reservations," Oz corrected. "We'd like to come back to a thriving town."

"One without a high murder rate," Ray put in. Spike nodded at him. "I used ta be a cop, and I know how high the murder rate is around here. I'd like to see it not go up any."

"We can arrange that," Spike agreed. "A strong master would be able to make it go down, what with controllin' the fledges and all." He shifted. "As for the key, you're right; Seth would be a better choice for that. He knows more about mojo than I do." He grinned at his sire. "I'd even be outta your hair for a bit. Though, if we needed a big feed, we'd probably be heading that way to keep attention down."

Xander nodded. "Sounds good to me." He looked at Oz, who nodded. "I can accept that. Are you willing to bind yourself to these rules?"

Spike groaned. "You took to those lessons too well, boy."

"My Sire beat them into both of us very well," Seth agreed as he walked up the stairs. "What does a guardian of the key do?"

"Mainly, you're a backup way to drain power from the Hellmouth if the key can't drain into the earth," Xander told him. "Giles has connected the one up here into the ground. You'd need to do the same because, even though it's draining into you, you get very tired."

"The princess told us about that part," Spike admitted. "No active mojo?"

"Not that we know of," Xander admitted. "Willow would have to reconnect it for you, but we haven't had to do any magic with it since we connected it."

"All we really do is check on it a few times a day and make sure the stone's still in the pillar," Oz told them. "It's still there by the way, I checked after dinner."

"Cool, thanks," Xander said, shooting him a smile before turning back to the vampires. "So, will you bind yourself willingly to the deal?"

"Sure," Spike sighed, pulling out a knife and cutting into a small pocket of flesh on his upper shoulder, letting it bleed a few drops. "My own blood," he said when Oz looked at him.

"Good," Xander said, taking the knife and making one on his hand, letting it drip onto the same spot. "My own signifying the deal."

"You know, if the Feds were still listenin' in, they'd be thinkin' you were handing over some sort of reins of power or some such," Ray pointed out, pointing at a wall where he had found a bug earlier in the month. He'd removed that one, and they'd swept the house again, but then again, that one hadn't been there when they'd swept the house the first time.

"We're not running a criminal empire," Xander sighed, rolling his eyes. "We're making sure the town's protected from the idiots while we're gone."

"Even Federal Agents should be able to tell the difference," Methos agreed. "Besides, they'd have to prove that we were running something to be able to bug us again. Otherwise, we might have to do something drastic, like sue them again."

"Yeah," Ray said, smiling fondly at his husband, who had sued the federal people once already to get the bugs out of their house. Back when they'd first had troubles, a few extra bugs had shown up. They'd had to protest strongly in front of a judge, who reminded the agents that they needed a warrant, and when they couldn't come up with one, ordered the Feds to destroy them all. "Think we'll have to do it again?"

"Nope," Oz said, pulling out a nearby drawer and handing the scanner over. "Here, go do a sweep if you want."

"I still want Willow to do an ignore spell," Xander muttered as Ray passed by him.

"But it'd have to be general, and then no one would pay any attention to us, even when we were checking out of the supermarket," Oz pointed out. This was an old argument and one he was never going to win, they'd been in stalemate since they'd been invaded that one time.

Xander shrugged. "That might not be so bad," he suggested. "At least they'd leave us alone. I could handle having to call someone's attention to me to get checked out."

"It'd get old real fast," Oz warned. He shook himself. "What am I saying? It'd be fine for the first fifty years, I could handle it even." He shrugged at Methos' dirty look. "What? Think about it, if they're still watching us, then something's going to have to be done the next time we have a fight."

"Point." He nuzzled the Xander's neck. "We'll talk about it tomorrow, and then talk to the witch if we decide it's in the best interest of all of us."

"Okay," everyone agreed, going back to watching an especially mindless interview with a starlet.

***

A nice federal agent walked into the police station around sunset the next day. He had drawn this duty because he was nice, and he wouldn't demand anything, which usually pissed off the local cops. He flashed his badge and got taken into the Chief of Police's office, sitting down in front of the desk so he could toss over the transcripts. "Since when does a town like Sunnydale rate a crime family?" he asked pleasantly.

The Chief looked the transcript over, then smiled. "It's not a crime family, trust me." He stood up and nodded for the agent to follow him down to their morgue. He pointed at a body he knew wasn't going to be in there for much longer. "Watch that guy, and then we'll talk." The agent sneered but he watched the dead body while the Chief read all the way through the transcripts.

Then the body moved, the man sat up.

The agent fell back a few steps and turned to look at the chief, ignoring the fact that the dead person was escaping the morgue by the handy door leading out into the night. "He woke up."

The Chief nodded. "He did."

"No, he woke up!" he said, more firmly this time. "That doesn't happen."

"It does here." The Chief patted him on the shoulder. "You're bugging the people who protect us from those like the guy who just woke up." He smiled. "They're not a crime family, they're our resident saviors." The agent slowly nodded. "Now do you get it?"

"But they said they're turning control over."

"And they are," the Chief agreed. "They're leaving for a while." He led the currently stunned stupid man out of his office, watching as the new vampire tried to eat the guy. "Hey, leave him alone. He's going to go try and get the Slayer to leave town," he called. The vampire looked at him and then lunged, but the protection on the building held him away. So he ran away, after growling at the agent, who started to babble. The Chief went back inside, sure the guy would make it back to his buddies. "Find me these people," he told his most trusted secretary, handing her the transcripts. "Not Harris, but the others mentioned."

She looked them over and smiled. "Angel's in LA, sir. He's the one that Buffy girl used to date. Shall I place a call to his office?"

"Please. I'd like to talk to someone about that." He walked away, heading back to his office so he could continue to read that new book by Harris. The boy had talent.

***

Spike, trailed by an unhappy Seth, walked into the police station and walked right toward the Chief's office. "You called?" he asked dryly as he walked in and flopped down into a chair. He smiled at the book the man was reading. "He's got talent, don't he?" He patted the chair next to him. "Sit, Seth. This is how stuff's done in this town. Mayor used to be one of us he did." He gave the Chief an expectant look.

"Someone was bugging Harris' house," the Chief said in greeting. "I'd like to talk to you about what you three agreed to last night."

Spike smiled. "Thought so."

"As you can see, we've got a fairly high death rate," he said, pointing at a printout of the latest deaths, which was a good four inches thick. "I read that you said you could drop it some. How?" he asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Easy. When I take over, all the young'll be mine," Spike said simply. "I'll control 'em, tell 'em how to feed and where. No more random fledges runnin' around causin' accidents, which, by the way, was fun to watch your officers work the scene." The Chief smiled at that. "They're good at dealin' with the aftermath."

"We've had to learn," the Chief said quietly. "So, you can promise me a decrease in the number of deaths? And no more random fledges and people wandering out of our morgue?"

"I'll do my best," Spike assured him. "Won't stop 'em all, but it'll stop most'a them."

"And, with the Hellmouth permanently closed, the number of demons that come here has been decreasing," Seth added, starting to get comfortable.

"And you can handle that?"

"Mostly they said it's makin' sure the stone's there and grounded. Or takin' it back if necessary," Seth agreed. "I've planned on giving myself a few fledges to guard the stone with me, a sort of honor guard in case of trouble."

The Chief nodded. "Good, I like that idea. The new guy's a wuss. We've had more random deaths in the last few days than anytime since before Harris' graduation. I'd like to cut that back down again before the state sends in an efficiency expert that'll get eaten with in a day." His smile got brighter. "Bad bit'a luck that," he said with a chuckle. "Anyway, how long before we see results on this end after you take over?"

"Depends on how fast I can get a crew to route out them that's pissin' us off," Spike said happily. "Want to send some guys down to help us?"

"We're spread pretty thin," the Chief said. "Besides, none of us *really* believe in you." Spike nodded. "Just make it quick. They tried to burn down the library tonight." Seth gasped. "Yeah, I kinda like that building myself."

"That's a horrible thing," Seth said primly. "A library is a grand thing that should be protected, not made a mark of terror."

The Chief smiled at him. "You were a librarian, weren't cha?"

"No, an accountant," Seth told him.

Spike patted his lover on the arm. "Don't worry, he'll get those that tried to burn down the library."

"How much was destroyed?"

"Just the kids' room as far as we could tell. Good thing the sprinklers didn't work though, woulda destroyed a lot more."

Seth's face hardened. "It'll be done; have no fears about that." He stood up. "If you'll excuse me, I need to talk to my Sire." He left them alone, going to whine to his Sire and get an invasion force.

Spike smiled at the Chief. "He's a nice guy, but he's definitely not Master material," he said with a shrug. "So, no problems from you lot if I do take over?"

"Not as long as you keep down the body count. Most of my guys ignore your type completely. But the old Chief once brought in Harris about his graduation and the school exploding." He smiled. "Harris was very good in explaining it all to him. He retired right after that."

Spike laughed. "I can see why." He stood up. "Give it a few weeks and take a count again. It'll be better soon enough."

"The next time you see Harris, can you please have a talk with him about the two guys with swords that are running around my town? They've killed a few vampires, but they're annoying as hell. I'd like them gone, but I can't find a reason to charge them."

Spike looked thoughtful, then nodded. "I can talk to them 'bout it, they might be able to do somethin'." He walked out, heading back to Seth's car, a rolling office that was a gift from his Sire, Blair. "Got them headed this way?" he asked as he slid in to drive. He didn't like this luxury car as much as his DeSoto, but it did ride very smoothly. And it had a great sound system, as was proven when he turned over the engine and the windows started to rattle with the bass beat of the Clash, a gift from his lover, who was trying to understand him.

"They'll be here tomorrow night," Seth said over the music. "Sire said he was very pleased with my social climbing." He grinned at his lover, a nasty, mean smile. "Think he realizes that he's pushing us together?"

"Probably," Spike said as he started down the street. "But it's a good thing to take over this town and hold it. Lots'a power here, even with the key."

"Which you won't be touching," Seth reminded him, patting him on the leg. "Opening the Hellmouth puts vampires back on the bottom of the ladder again."

"Which is why I'm not gonna go there," Spike reminded him warmly. Seth still thought that Spike was too much like Angelus for his own good, he'd just have to prove the young one wrong. Or stake him, but that'd get him in trouble with the boy's brother, and *no* one wanted to mess with Harris. Especially not now that he was trained.

***

Henri and D'Nalia walked in, noticing all the boxes that were being piled in the living room. "We're packing already?" Henri called, knowing someone was around, if only to keep the baby ferrets out of everything.

"Yeah, we're sending some stuff ahead," Xander said from the kitchen, walking out with a cup of coffee. "Then I'm going to go down there and work on the decorating stuff, while you guys plan what to leave up here."

D'Nalia looked around the part of the house she could see. "I'd say leave most of it and just take the important stuff, the computers, the books you'll have to have. You said one of us could live here and we can ship anything."

"One of you will be," Xander agreed, smiling at Henri, "but she's coming down first because she handles the animals better."

D'Nalia shrugged. "Not like I can't handle staying up here."

"Good point," Xander said, patting her on the shoulder. "And the boys'll have a great big place to play."

"And you won't have to move them around as much," Henri reminded him. "But we'll be switching out. You'll be down there at least four months out of year."

"And once Henri retires in a decade or so," Xander said with a grin at Henri, "you'll be the new housekeeper and expected to keep up with us all the time."

D'Nalia laughed. "All right then. I can handle that. How're the schools around here?"

"Decent enough," Oz said as he walked out. "Not that bad really, but not the greatest ever. If you work with the kids, it'll be fine." He patted Xander on the butt. "Did you get everything you needed out of your writing room?"

"Yup," he said happily. "And I packed up all the toys."

"Good job," Oz praised, giving him a kiss. "Now go pack your sewing room and we'll do the bedroom together." He waited until Xander had left to look at D'Nalia. "We're going to be splitting up the year so your boys won't have to move if we do most of the time. That means you'll be coming down either for the majority of the year or you'll be there for the summers."

"Will you guys only be in Florida?" D'Nalia asked. "They've got *huge* flying roaches down there."

"We know," Oz said with a smile. "And no. We've got a condo in Flagstaff, a house in Vermont, and Ray and Meth have a building in Chicago."

"And the new apartment in Vancouver," Ray called from somewhere.

"And an apartment in Vancouver," Oz added with a head shake. "Probably in the summer, we'll be spending some time in at least one of those."

"And the rest of the year?"

"We're going to hopefully move very infrequently," Oz sighed. "I hate moving."

She laughed. "Good. That's a sign of intelligence." She patted him on the shoulder as she headed for the kitchen. "Henri and I will work it out between us who gets when and which house."

Henri smiled. "I'm sure we'll be able to work something out, Oz, don't worry. You won't have to find someone I like in Florida."

Oz sighed. "I hope not. I know it's a gay mecca but I don't want to have a houseboy."

"It'd be funny to watch Xander train him though," D'Nalia noted as she walked out of the kitchen. "Where are we working?"

"You get to help Xander with his sewing stuff," Oz told her. "Henri, you get to help Methos in the library." The women nodded and walked off, leaving Oz to watch for inquisitive little furry bodies that wanted to see what was in the boxes.

***

Oz opened the door to Spike, who was lounging there. "What's up?" he asked as he headed back to the table.

"Chief in town told me somethin' interestin' that I thought you'd like to know about," Spike said casually as he followed him. He nodded at the other three men. "Said somethin' about two men wanderin' 'round town with swords." Methos and Oz both groaned, the older one dropping his fork onto his plate and holding his head. "Said he wanted 'em gone but couldn't do anything 'bout it." He looked at Xander and smiled. "And you're still bein' bugged, whelp. Got called in to talk about how I was gonna keep down the body count."

Xander grinned. "Of course we are," he said dryly. "Why would the FBI leave us alone? They're worse than our new dog with his socks."

"My socks," Ray corrected.

"Your socks that I'll replace," Xander told him, giving him a lustful look. "I'm sorry about tossing them at him earlier."

"S'okay," Ray said, starting to blush because Spike was staring at him. "What?"

"Nothin', just never seen you do that before," Spike said as he sat down. "So, it's all set. We'll go take the ponce tonight and you can all leave soon."

"Thanks," Xander said, reaching over to touch his hand. "We'll be back of course, but as long as we don't have to deal with you it's all good."

Spike laughed. "Knew that was coming, I did." He smacked the back of Xander's hand. "Don't worry. The Pouf'd have my hide if I messed up and made you deal with us. So would Blair. He likes you for some reason," he said with a leer.

"Mine," Oz warned calmly.

"Not even headin' there," Spike said gruffly, pulling away from Xander, who was smelling very nice again tonight. "Anyway, what about your other part? Want me to do somethin' about him if he comes back?"

"No, we're dealing with that one ourselves," Oz said lightly. "Xander's driven him insane already."

Spike gave the young man an appraising look. "Knew that, but...it worked?" Xander nodded, giving him a cold smile. Apparently the stuff from the book did come from somewhere inside the boy, at least by the look of him now. "And if he shows up?"

"He can stay in the house," Oz told him. "I'm sure he won't come after you, or you could send him to us if he does."

"True," Spike agreed. He stood up. "We'll be dealin' with the ponce tonight, then we'll see about takin' over the irregulars and independents." He walked out, leaving them to stare at each other.

"Guys with swords, huh," Xander said slowly. "Wanna go find 'em?"

"No," Methos said firmly. "You're not going to go find them." He glared at Xander. "Ray and I will go scout them out while you work on the decorating plans."

"Fine, take *all* my fun away," Xander said, starting to pout.

"Don't do that," Methos sighed, getting up to give him a hug. "I'm not going to fight, I'm simply going to go give them a warning."

"But I can have them taken as love slaves," Xander offered sweetly. "That'd teach them."

"That's mean, Xan. You don't know if these guys are good or not," Ray pointed out. "They could be nice guys, like Richie and Steve are."

"Point," Xander said, starting to pout again.

"We'll go scout them out and then tell you what sort of people they are," Methos assured him, patting him on the side of the face. "Don't worry, you'll get to watch them be dispatched or whatever we decide to do with them." He took one last bite of dinner and pushed himself away from the table, helping Ray up so they could go.

"Make sure you're not seen," Oz called after them. He smiled down at Xander, who was smirking. "Didn't want to go with them after all?"

"No, I'm not in the mood for a fight, I'm in the mood to screw with people." He scraped his plate clean.

"You know, screwing with people isn't the best hobby," Oz reminded him.

"Yeah, but it can be *fun*," Xander told him.

"Yup, but then they'll want to get you back." Xander frowned at that. "Think about it. What'll Amanda do when she finds out it was you that sent her those horrible dreams?"

"She'll either decide I'm not the person to screw with, or we'll have to have a *talk*," Xander said coldly. "She knew that she was messing with me when she took up with Giles." He groaned. "Do you think they were doing this in Boston, at the convention?"

"Probably," Oz noted. "Why else would she have just shown up that way?"

"I was thinking it was since then and she just showed up to court him during the con."

"Nah, she stayed in our room most of the time. She was into him then." Oz shrugged. "It'll sort itself out."

"Coolness," a voice floated down, and Cupid joined them. "No hard feelings about it, Oz?"

"Many...but I can yell at him once he realizes he's an ass." Oz took a bite of his steak, still looking up at Cupid. "Hungry?" he offered when Cupid continued to stare at him.

"Yeah, but not for you two." He grinned down at Xander. "I got my first prayer from Giles, begging me to come make you leave him alone, and to help him beg for forgiveness. Seems the dark crap he's dealing in now is making him too horny and he's been sufferin' for it for a while now." He shrugged. "I know he's been hitting the pros in Vegas."

Xander glared at the God of Love. "Then you can tell him he's never going to touch me again!" He got up and left the room, going to sulk and hide.

Cupid groaned. "Sorry, Oz."

"It would've come out sometime," Oz said philosophically. He shrugged when Cupid stared at him. "We'll deal with him when he returns to being a human. Right now, he's recovering from Xander fucking with his dreams."

"Xander can do that?" Cupid asked, looking shocked. He hadn't know that.

"No, but he hired a demon who could. Got both Giles and Amanda."

"Eww, nasty," Cupid said with a shudder. "Glad it wasn't me. Anyway. Did Strife help him with that?"

"Nope. Strife begged to help but Xander said he wanted to do it himself." Oz ate another piece of steak, looking very happy. "Seems he even used his brother's name to scare Giles."

"It'd scare me too. Micah's got some major mojo and help at his disposal if he wanted to take Giles out." He smiled suddenly. "Anyway, you guys are great and all, but Xander needs you to look over him really closely tonight. That new fabric he's using is keeping sweat in, and he's getting a pimple in his hairline, and it's making him hurt a little. So he's probably not in the mood for lovin', but if you take care of it for him, he'd probably be willing to be your slave for a few days."

"That's what you came to tell us?"

"No, he was too embarrassed to tell you so he was praying for a solution." Cupid shrugged. "I figured you're the best solution to pimples like that."

Oz nodded. "Thanks, I can handle that later. Any other jewels of wisdom?"

"Yeah, watch out for jellyfish. I'm pretty sure he's allergic to them, and you're moving somewhere that's got a yearly migration."

"Hmm, hadn't thought about that. Did he remember to get the permits for his forge?"

"Yup, and they're sitting down there already. And the crew he hired is all but done with his renovations; all they need is painting instructions...like soon." He shrugged. "Strife told me to tell you that, he's been watchin' them 'cause they're putting up a small shine to us too."

Oz smiled. "Thanks. I'll go find him and tell him that. He'll be down there this weekend."

"Coolness. Can't wait to see it finished. It's a killer space, Oz. I had no idea it'd be so big." He flashed out, leaving Oz to finish his dinner.

Oz finished his steak and then looked down at Xander's still mostly full plate, and decided to take care of his lover once again. He grabbed the plate, a fork, and the glass of wine, and went hunting. He found Xander in the bathtub. He pulled a small table over to set everything on before giving him a kiss, then started to run his fingers through the thick bush. "Cupid said you needed help with a little something," he whispered as he found it and squeezed the little pimple.

"Oww!"

"Sorry, babe, but it won't hurt for long." Oz gave it another good squeeze and it popped. He brought his fingers up to check what had come out, then washed them off on Xander's offered bath sponge. "All done." He stole another kiss and picked up the fork, loading up some of the fettuccini alfredo so he could feed his lover. "Open up," he said lightly, stuffing the food into his lover's mouth.

Xander leaned his head against Oz's arm. "Thank you. I needed pampered. Otherwise I'd make a stopover in Las Vegas and kick his ass," he said quietly.

"Yeah, me too, but I think I may have found a source of information, even about what Giles is doing."

"That immie you found in Florida?" Xander asked through a yawn.

"Yup, him. See, he knew Meth and me back when we were *very* young." He pinched Xander's nose. "He even said that when he was born, names weren't that important."

"Meaning he might not have had one?"

"Or he was a slave and he didn't have one. He's probably about Meth's age."

"Cool." Xander yawned again. "I'm tired."

"I know. Want to get out and go curl up in bed?" The young man shook his head. "No?"

"Nope. I'm comfy." He opened his mouth and Oz put more food into it. "Can we just do this?"

"Sure," Oz said, giving him a fond smile. "You rest and relax. You did very good today. Oh, and Cupid said that Strife said that the guys in Florida really need paint stuff. That they're almost done."

"Again, more cool." Xander smiled at his lover. "I'll call and talk to the foreman tomorrow." He opened his mouth and it was filled for him. "Can I say this is the life without you getting mad?"

"Of course." Oz stole a kiss as he picked up the wine glass to help his lover sip some of it. "This is the life, getting pampered and loved. And the pamperer enjoys it too by the way." He stole another kiss, then ate some of the pasta himself.

"You can finish it if you want," Xander offered with a shy smile. "I think you're going to need some energy for later." He yawned again. "If I ever wake up."

"I'll still need energy, even if you sleep for the rest of the night," Oz teased. "You move around me all night."

"I don't, you wiggle and I have to stop you," Xander countered, grinning at his husband. "If you didn't wiggle, I wouldn't have to stop you by laying on top of you."

"If you wouldn't lay on top of me, I wouldn't wiggle away," Oz told him, pinching him on the nose.

"Hey!"

"What?" Oz asked innocently, feeding Xander another bite of the food then eating the rest himself. Then he stood up and stripped, getting in with his mate. "I'm going to miss this tub," he said, patting the side. "It's a very nice tub."

"We can always fly back to use it," Xander offered sleepily.

"Not every night, but we'll probably get some time back here every now and then," Oz agreed. He liked this house too much to ever leave it for good. Xander snuggled in and fell asleep against his chest, and they were both soothed by it.

***

Methos walked in and stopped to smile down at the two sleeping men in the tub. He carefully moved the glass of wine out of reach of Xander's hand, and sat down beside them, allowing Ray in his lap when his husband walked in. They each ran a finger down the side of one man's face, waking them gently.

Oz grunted, "They're gone?"

Xander did his best impersonation of a young lion cub yawning.

"Awwwww," Ray sighed.

Oz glared at him.

"You're so cute like that," he said with an infernal grin.

Oz flipped him off and pulled his Xander-blanket closer to snuggle.

"Hey!" Xander complained weakly, shifting until he was comfy. "Better now." He smiled sleepily over at Methos. "Back already?"

"It was two boys playing with swords. We told the cops that and they're arresting them tonight for brandishing a weapon." Methos picked up the drifting sponge and used it on Xander's back, smiling at the sleepy mumbles of thanks. "Maybe you two should go to bed," he suggested. "Sleeping in the bath isn't the most comfortable way to spend the night."

"Oh, I don't know, we did it okay that one night," Ray teased.

Xander grumbled something unintelligible, and Oz gripped Xander tighter, making his husband wiggle and grumble something happier sounding.

Methos and Ray shared a smile, then they got up and went to the bed. The other couple would join them eventually, if only so Oz had somewhere to move away from Xander in the night.

Oz and Xander finally woke up, and, after a quick bout of sex in the tub, wandered out to go sleep in their own bed, along with their best friends. They each picked a side and snuggled, Oz next to Ray, and Xander next to Methos, and fell asleep again.

Ray and Methos woke up long enough to pat wet heads then went back to sleep, comfortable with their position as pillows.

***

Xander walked up to the front door of their new house and smiled at the new door, the one he had ordered. "They do good work," he told himself, looking around as he pulled out his keys. He smiled at the woman leaning on a lamppost nearby, who hadn't been there a few minutes earlier. "Um, hi," he said, giving her a smile. "Do I know you?"

"No, but my man knows you," she said, sauntering over. She looked him over. "Which one are you?"

"I'm Xander, Oz's husband." He held out his hand, but she didn't take it, and he gave her a little shrug. "You're the girlfriend of the immie Oz met?"

She nodded. "How very astute of you. Humans haven't devolved since I was born."

"Actually, I think we've gotten a bit smarter," he said, glaring at her. "If you're going to insult me, go away. I've got paint to pick out."

She snickered. "Of course you do. After all, isn't that the wife's job?" Her smile fell away when a sword appeared at her throat nearly instantly. "You shouldn't play with weapons you don't know," she warned coldly.

"I've spent six hundred years learning this weapon. I'm better trained than some immies. Now then, I tried to be nice and pleasant. Apparently that's not going to work." He stepped back and his sword disappeared again. "If you're only here to harass me, then go away. We're not going to intrude on your love nest, and we expect the same courtesy." He turned and walked in the open door, pushing past the workmen standing there. "So, paint, guys?" he asked.

"You had a sword," one of the workmen said.

"Yes, I do," Xander said with a faint smile. "I've got to get some practice in while I'm here, and I was going to try out our new practice area." He looked around the big common area, nodding at the walls. "I like the texture. You guys did a great job." He smiled at the foreman. "Now then, we've got to do something about the color."

The foreman handed over a book of samples. "This was left for you."

"Coolness," Xander said, sitting down in the middle of the floor to flip through it. "This one for this room," he decided, pointing it out. A post-it note was placed over it with the room's name on it. He got up and wandered to the next room, smiling at the nice marble and corian countertops. "Very good job in here too."

"You're used to dealing with kids, aren't you?" the foreman asked tolerantly, with a faint smile.

"Animals. We've got about eighteen of them at home right now," Xander said with a naughty grin. "I find that praise works well on others too."

The foreman laughed. "Yeah, it does. Much better than yelling." He clapped Xander on the back. "Okay, let's go through and get everything, then you can go furniture shopping."

"Can't wait," Xander said happily. He pointed at a nice, neutral blue color. "That one for the kitchen and the dining area," he said, pointing at the small dining area that looked down on the street. "And let's go ahead and stain the porch."

"Redwood?"

"Oak or something. Something waterproof that'll make sure it lasts for a good ten years at least, but that won't clash with the color of the house." Xander continued walking through the new and larger house, stopping at his new tub, one that could fit six linebackers, as advertised, and smiled. It was all good. "Heated bottom, whirlpool jets from every conceivable angle, and the three head shower," he said in appreciation.

"Do you and your man actually need this?" the foreman asked.

Xander smiled at him. "Oh, yeah," he said happily. "We definitely do." He winked. "How about the funky ventilation for my forge? Did we get it in too?" The foreman nodded. "Cool. I miss working. And the stuff for my sewing projects, including the racks?"

"We got those in first, Mr. Harris. We started on the bottom with the structural issues that you needed put in and added those in as we went along." He handed over the work report. "This is what we did, all of it, week-by-week."

Xander took it and flipped through it, nodding, until he came to one. "Why did I order pizza?"

"Because that fourth wall you wanted knocked down had sixteen more layers than we thought," the foreman told him. "We needed a small celebration."

"But it's still structurally sound?"

"Meets up with current hurricane and earthquake standards, just like you wanted."

"Cool," Xander breathed, looking at his tub again. "Let's go with a soothing tan and some of that gold and tan wallpaper in here. A seashell motif wouldn't be so tacky as long as it was subtle."

"We've got someone specifically for the wallpaper stuff," the foreman reminded him. "She'll be in tomorrow."

"Even better. I bet you guys hate wallpaper even more than you do laying bricks."

"You got it," the foreman said, taking back the work reports. "Want us to call her and get her up here to do the paint with you? We can still go get it tomorrow and paint all day."

"Okay," he said happily.

"I'll call her then." The foreman walked away, mentally shaking his head. Gay guys were so demanding, but they always paid well, including a nice bonus for getting it done early.

Setting Up Love Nests.

Xander looked around the selection at the furniture store, shaking his head at the tacky seating group that was in front of him. "Nope, not for my house." He walked on, stopping and making note of a few of the individual pieces, then continuing on. He finally came to the bed department and looked around them, stopping at the 'family sized' beds, a slow smile coming over his face.

"Sir, may I help you find something?" a salesman asked.

Xander looked at him. "Do you work on commission or straight salary?"

"Both actually, why?" the salesman asked, looking confused.

"Because I'm moving down here to my second home with my lovers," Xander said simply. "I like these pieces so far," he said, handing over the list, "and I need one of these beds, but it's got to have great back support. I do work on a forge so I'm bent over all day."

"Yes, sir," the salesman said quickly, reading the list. "No sitting groups have struck you?"

Xander shook his head. "No, and personally I think a few of them were tacky and belong with cement ducks."

The salesman laughed. "Yes, sir, I can see most of them going that way, but some people like to decorate with ducks, and even cows."

"And chickens," Xander said with great humor. "My lovers are all very cultured though and a taste for things from the Renaissance and places like Ancient Greece. We need them to be comfortable, sturdy, subtle, and durable. My living room is a neutral blue, my bathroom is tan, and our library requires wood."

The salesman nodded. "We can do that," he agreed. "Why don't we start with the bed, and then we'll go look at the pricier collections upstairs?"

"That would be fine," Xander said, pointing at the biggest bed, commonly called a California or Family bed. "I need that one, as long as it has good back support."

"You can lay down and try it out if you like," the salesman offered. He'd *never* sold one of those beds; his next paycheck was going to be hefty, just from this one bed. He watched as the young man laid down and rolled around a bit, even bouncing some. "Is that good enough?"

"It creaks," Xander said, sounding disappointed. "It's okay otherwise."

"I've got another one in stock, you can try that one out."

"Okay." Xander got up and followed him up to the second floor gallery, then up to the third floor storage area. He laid down on this one and sighed, it was much too soft. "I'm feeling like Goldilocks here," he pouted, heading over to look at the other mattresses stacked around the area. He found one in the back and pushed hard on it. "Can we try this one?"

"Of course." He helped the young man bring it down and watched as he laid on it. "It's the box spring that really squeaks," he offered.

"Can I get that top downstairs on a different box spring?"

"We might have to order it, but we could put two king box springs together and do it that way. That's what those beds are, two king sized beds together."

Xander thought about it then nodded. "Okay, as long as it looks okay." He had help standing up and helped put the mattress back up against the wall. "I liked that one mattress. It was firm enough."

"All right," the salesman said, marking down the mattress in his little book. "Let's go and pick out some more, shall we?" He led Xander back down to the second floor gallery, letting him pick out whatever he wanted. This was going to be a *good* sale. He was surprised when the young man paid in cash, but sometimes you just had to be discrete, especially when setting up a love nest.

***

Xander looked up from his writing on the porch, watching the movers move in their entertainment center, pointing at a corner when they started toward him. They nodded and went that way instead. The work crew had gotten all the painting done that morning, at least everywhere that furniture was coming for, and had even volunteered to help move in the furniture since there was so much of it. He watched as the bed was carried past him, smiling at the simplicity of the oak and metal four-poster bed and the larger than normal mattresses. He quickly wrote another paragraph, then saved his next story, putting his laptop away before he could lose it again. How he had lost it in an empty building he wasn't sure, but he had. It had been nice of the delivery man to have spotted it for him. He walked in and looked around at the rooms as they were shaping up, smiling at the simple, but good-feeling furniture and groupings that he had purchased. Now if only he had a lover here to try them out. He jumped at the knock to the door, walking over to smile at the semi-familiar man standing there. "Yes?"

"Alexander Harris?" he asked, stepping inside.

"Yup, tis me," he said happily. "Do I know you?"

"Actually, sir, I represent Wolfram and Hart. Our new owner asked me to send you something." He held out an envelope. "It's not a summons," he said when the young man didn't take it. "He said it's to pay back the loan you gave him to buy us."

Xander took the envelope and opened it carefully, smiling at the cashier's check sitting inside it. "Wow. This is really nice of him, but he didn't have to." He looked up but the messenger was gone. He shrugged it off and went to put the envelope away so he wouldn't lose it too. As a matter of fact, it went right in with his laptop, and both went into the newly arrived wardrobe. He stopped being happy at the cleared throat, turning to look at the foreman. "What's up?" he asked.

"We're almost done for the day. Are there any more deliveries coming?"

"I think only supper's left, but I can handle that one," Xander said with a faint smile. The foreman smiled right back. "Thank the guys for me, 'kay? And tell them that they definitely earned that bonus."

"I will. And we've got about a day's worth of work left, maybe two, and then it's all yours."

"Yup, all mine and my husband's," Xander said, giving a pat to a nearby wall.

"I thought you said lovers," the foreman asked, looking confused again.

"Oh, my husband was included in that, but not the second one, and our friends, who are also married are coming down to join us too. Theirs is the second bedroom."

The foreman shook his head. "Then who gets the apartment?"

"The housekeeper. Whichever one comes down."

"You've got more than one housekeeper?"

Xander pulled out his wallet and showed off the picture of his house, which was next to a picture of the five of them and all their animals. "That's my house, and my babies," Xander told him.

"Wow. You must really be loaded."

Xander nodded. "Good investments," he said simply. "Started out with not so much money, and I made it make baby money. Then I grabbed a hobby which made me more money."

The foreman laughed. "At least you're happy. Lots of people with money are only pretending to be happy."

"Yup, I'm very happy with everything but my second husband at the moment," Xander told him, giving him a dreamy smile. "Matter of fact, I'm going to try my big, huge tub out and get happier. Oh, and where's the nearest drug store or porn shop? I need lube for when my lovers get down here."

"Drug store's about six blocks east," he said, pointing the way, "but it's a Christian run place so I'm not sure it'd have lube. I know it doesn't carry condoms." He shrugged lightly. "Nearest red light district is in Miami proper, 'bout six miles away or so. I know there's a closer place; you could probably look it up in the phone book."

"Yeah, I think I'll do that," Xander said. "Thanks." He turned and started the water in his bathtub, fiddling with the knobs and buttons until he got the setting he wanted. "Oh, I'm *so* gonna enjoy this." He turned and closed the door, not needing to watch the workmen anymore. They had it. And he had his tub to try out. He definitely had the better deal of the two.

***

Xander took his fast food down to the basement level, heading for his portion of the space. He looked over his forge setup, nodding at how it was connected. Apparently the right people had connected it for the workmen. Then he walked over to where his sewing area would be. He snorted at the few racks he could see, but pulled them out, showing off the one behind it. He counted slots and shook his head. "Need at least another set of these," he told himself. "I'll tell them tomorrow." He imagined shoving one of his rolls of fabric in and shuddered. "Yeah, we're going to have to fix that, but I won't take their bonus away from them for it." He walked over to the practice area, stepping onto the hardwood floor and admiring the mirrors. "Nice, good." He mentally measured the space and shook his head. "We'll need more of this and lights," he said, looking up. "Maybe they've got to do more down here." He looked at the unfinished cement floor, shrugging. "Maybe. There was supposed to be carpet down here for the unused areas." He headed back up, going to make notes for the foreman tomorrow. Maybe he wouldn't miss his Oz so much if he was working. Or he could always get some more written, that was always an option too. He settled down to eat at the new table, opening his laptop to start on the notes first, before he lost his train of thought. Then he opened his latest story and flipped down to a few pages before where he had ended, starting to read so he could get back into the groove again.

The next morning, the foreman wasn't smiling as usual. "I know, it was probably on my end," Xander told him, "but they're all pretty small things."

"Yeah, they are," the foreman said. "I thought the practice space woulda been big enough."

"Ever seen people sword fight at a Ren Fair or someplace?" The foreman shook his head. "How about in the movies?"

"A few times, but they moved all over."

"Exactly," Xander agreed. "Our one at home is a full room's worth. So maybe three times as much space is needed."

"We can do that in a few hours," the foreman sighed. "But your new racks will take longer. We had to have those custom made."

"Hey, as long as they get done sometime," Xander said simply. "See, when I buy fabric, I buy it by the bolt."

"Oh. You sew *that* much?"

"I make almost all our clothes." He ran his hand down his pants leg. "I made these."

"Then you're really good," the foreman said. "Okay, I can call our carpenter and ask him to make you another set. Want them put beside the ones that are already up?"

"That I'd like to have your opinion on. That and the lighting situation."

"Well, those are something we're still working on. See, a few of the fixtures were supposed to be in today."

"Then I'm really happy," Xander told him, giving him a smile. "What about the carpeting for the in between areas?"

"We never got that one." He pulled out the original work orders and flipped through them, then showed them to his boss.

"Oh," Xander said, pointing at the page numbers. "One of the pages must have stuck in our fax. It's been doing that on and off now for a few months." He pointed at the page number again. "See? Hold on, I've got it on my computer." He headed over to the table, calling up the form he had made to do the work order, pulling up that specific page. "Here, come look," he offered.

The foreman came over and sat down to read, nodding after a few minutes. "I can see where most of the screw ups are now. These are all easily fixed but it'll take us at least a few days."

"Hey, I'm not impatient," Xander told him, patting him on the shoulder, "and you guys still deserve the bonus since our fax screwed it up." The foreman smiled at that. "But everything on there is doable?"

"Definitely doable," the foreman agreed, standing up. "Can you print that out?"

"I could if I had a printer," Xander sighed. "I left that at home. At least until the boxes get here with the movers, which should be later today."

"Let me make a few notes." He sat down again and wrote down the items that would take the longest and be the most pressing, on the original work order form. "All right, let me go to the warehouse, and we'll get everything started." He was handed a credit card. "What's this for?"

"Overruns," Xander said simply.

The foreman looked at the name on it, then at his boss. "You're the one who wrote the book?" he asked.

Xander nodded. "Yup, I'm the guy who wrote that book. Writing's a really good way of getting some of your darker mental images out." He sat down and smiled. "I wasn't going to send those to my editor, but my husband and our friends insisted. They dragged me down there in handcuffs."

The foreman shook his head. "Whatever. If you weren't going to publish that, why did you have an editor?"

"Because I had written a few of the 'how to have good sex' manuals."

"Oh." The foreman nodded. "Wow."

"And some porn," Xander added as an afterthought. "I was bored."

The foreman shook his head. "No wonder you needed that big of a tub."

"Yup," Xander said happily. "My lovers give me plenty of inspiration for those books. And one of my husbands cheating on me gave me good inspiration for the third book in the dark series."

"Wow." He waved and walked away, tagging one of his workers to go with him after he gave out the new orders.

Xander settled in to sip his coffee and start writing again. He only had his own deadline to follow, but it was a firm one in his mind.

***

The foreman slid into the booth next to his brother-in-law, who occasionally wrote for one of the local 'famous people' gossip rags. "Do you know the guy who wrote the book?" he asked quietly.

"Which book?"

"That dark, sick, disgusting one that you can't put down."

"Oh, yeah, Harris or something like that. Why?"

"I'm working on renovating his new house. His new love nest for his husbands and lovers."

"Oh, wow," the brother-in-law said, wiping his hands off and taking the papers the other man held out. "What's this?"

"The work orders. I had to pull them today because we missed a few things, due to his fax's problem. He's a great guy, is even giving us our early completion bonus even though we might not finish for another week."

"Really nice guy then." He looked up. "So, got any dirt for me?"

"He bought the bathtub that was advertised to hold six linebackers," the foreman said dryly. "He sews and he had us put in a forge, seems like he knows what he's doing with both. And he has a sword. Threatened some woman with it the first day."

"Whoa, that's juicy. Do you know her?"

"She's been watching the house ever since he got there," he said with a shrug. "Could be part of his hate group."

"Maybe. Or maybe just a general stalker." The guy handed the papers back. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, actually. I recognized his name on the credit card he gave me today to go get the new materials we needed. He said parts of his third book are based on what he wants to do to his cheating second husband."

"The man's got *two* husbands?"

"And *lovers*."

"Wow. Okay, that's some good shit." The brother-in-law wrote it down on the little notebook in his pocket. "I wonder how he keeps up?"

"When he was opening his wallet, I saw another card in there. Something about GHSS?" he said with a smug smile. They'd gone to school with someone who was part of that organization.

"No wonder," the brother-in-law said. "Maybe I should call Greg and ask him if he's heard of the kid." He smiled suddenly. "Oh, man, we'll have dirt for *ages*."

"I tell you, this kid's loaded. He showed me a picture of his first house big, huge manor house. And his 'babies' as he called them, all five humans and eighteen animals. Seems like he takes in strays."

"Wonder if he'd adopt me," the brother-in-law said with a faint smile.

"As long as my wife don't get upset, it wouldn't hurt you to ask. But you can't say it was from the work crew, got it?"

"Sure, not a problem, man. All of this can be verified other ways. I'm all for protecting family." He slid over the two-fifty reward for information and gossip. "Buy the wife a present, she's been feeling pregnant again."

The foreman sighed. "I know. We got a positive test yesterday." He pocketed the money and finished his lunch, talking about his three other kids.

***

Xander watched as their moved stuff was put into one of the back rooms that wasn't going to be touched again, tipping the driver generously for leaving the computer stuff out. He locked the door behind him then went into the newly named office space to set it up. Oz would be so proud of him, he could hook up a computer by himself. He even hooked up their cable modem and got online to do a search for his hate group. He found a new article on their page, frowning as he read the source. "Already?" he whined. "I'm not even fully moved in." He read it quickly, glaring at the computer. "Uh-huh. Gonna pound someone," he noted. He thought back. Any of the crew could have heard him complaining about Giles, but only one had been told that parts of the newest story were based on Giles' problems. He could deal with this. After he made a little call. Methos was going to hear about this one, not Oz.

Xander packed up his laptop and moved out onto his new porch, and he finally relaxed. It'd only taken a few hours worth of katas and a long shower to get him to this new calm state. He looked down and saw his stalker, giving her a pleasant wave as he sat down to enjoy his coffee and the sunset. They had picked the perfect house and not even his hate group and gossip mongers could take that away from him. Not even the workers betraying his trust could make him get tense again, because he forced himself to relax. It could have been an accident. He'd find out tomorrow.

***

Xander looked up as the foreman walked over with the new invoice to add to the pile on the desk. "So, I saw an article about me yesterday," he said casually, staring in the man's eyes.

"I didn't know he was going to write it, Mr. Harris, I swear," the foreman said, hoping this guy couldn't tell he was lying. This would be a reference job.

"I see." Xander stood up and faced the older man down. "Listen very closely to me now," he said quietly and coldly. "If anything else leaks out about my private life, I'll know who to blame, and I'm not above screwing people over for interrupting my private life. I need my privacy, the same as you do, and I doubt you'd like to have your life exposed like that." The foreman swallowed. "I see you understand. I'm not going to mention this to anyone, but I will not tolerate any more slips like this. Got me here?"

The foreman nodded. "I do," he agreed. "And I'm really sorry, Mr. Harris. I won't let anything else slip."

"Good, because I'd hate to have to think about being mean to a nice guy like you. You've been very good so far and I'd like to continue to like you the way I did yesterday, when I respected you." He sat back down again. "Needed anything besides a signature?"

"No...no, just a signature," the foreman said, taking the papers and leaving the office quickly.

Sometimes, it paid for people to think that you were slightly mean and cruel, or so Methos had told him last night. Now he knew the old immortal had gotten that right too. Now if only he were here....

***

Someone knocked on the door and Xander got up to answer it, smiling at the man and his stalker on the other side. "Yes? If you're soliciting, I have almost no money left after renovations."

"No, we're not," the man said, obviously in good humor. "And we're not here for a religion either. May we come in, young Xander, mate to Oz?"

"Sure." Xander let them in and led them over to one of the sitting groups. "You know Oz, so you must be the immie he met after we signed for the house."

Richard nodded. "I am indeed; you may call me Richard." They shook hands. "And this is Mariana. I believe you've already met?" he asked, still looking like he was in good humor.

"Yeah, she got snarky and I had jetlag," Xander said with a light shrug. He smiled at her. "Nice to know you're not part of my hate group yet."

She snorted. "Don't count on it. Your last book was disgusting."

"Yay, it got it out of my mind."

Richard sighed. "Children, please," he said, breaking into their argument. "I have no desire to fight with any of you."

"That's what Oz told me," Xander agreed. "I really don't want to fight either. I think I'm going to have enough of one with the press soon enough."

"Yes, I saw that one article." Richard handed over a small box from inside his pocket. "Here, a housewarming present."

"A cricket?" Xander guessed, giving him a smile. "Gee, I never really got into Chinese culture."

"A truly horrible show," Richard said, smiling back. Mariana glared at both of them. "Now, what's this I hear about your second mate cheating?"

"He's says it's because he's expanding his magical horizons, and it's making him horny," Xander sighed, sitting back in his comfortable chair. "Cupid said he's even taken up with a few pros in Vegas."

"I see. If you'd like, I might be able to talk to him. I've dabbled in both sides of the art for many centuries now."

"How much older than Oz are you?" Xander asked.

"In some circles that could be considered impolite," Richard warned, "but I'm more than a century older than him."

"So, older than Methos?" Xander guessed. In his experience, only the really old ones didn't like to talk about how old they were. "He always says he's the oldest."

"He doesn't know about me, none of them do," Richard said with a shrug. "Mariana's actually from a time between Methos and your Oz." He smiled again. "Now that we've gotten that out of the way, how old are you?"

"Nearly forty, if we're not counting the time I spent on other planes."

"How much would that be?" Mariana asked.

"Eight hundred in one time, sixteen months in another. Another was four months. And about a week on a demon plane."

"Demons don't exist," she scoffed.

"Yes, they do," Richard said quietly. "If you had looked around you, you'd have seen them." He turned back to his host. "You must forgive her; she hates Methos with a passion."

"He's an arrogant bastard who burned down my village, then sat on a hill and watched us run around trying to put it out," she protested.

"Yeah, he said he *used* to do a lot of that," Xander told her. "He's changed now. He hardly ever fights, him or Oz. I get into more fights than those two do."

Mariana looked him over, then shook her head. "I don't want to know."

"Probably not," Xander agreed, turning his attention back to the present. "May I?"

"Of course."

Xander opened the box carefully and smiled at the small leaves inside. "Tea?"

"Bathing herbs. They're to soothe the more homicidal urges all humans have."

"Oh, a body tea," Xander said with a grin, putting it aside.

"Yes, basically," Richard said, matching his smile. "Just remember not to use more than a pinch at a time. It's very potent."

"I have a *very* big bathtub," Xander told him.

"Still, a pinch will do enough, even in Roman Baths."

"Cool. I'll try it the night we all get here. I'm sure we'll all be ready to kill someone by then."

Richard snorted. "No doubt. Moving does that to the best of us." He patted Mariana's hand. "That's how I found out about this particular mixture, wasn't it, minx?"

"You're a furry animal?" Xander teased.

"And what are you?" she asked.

"Methos says I'm an imp, but Oz said I'm a lot like a kitten some days because I lick things." He shrugged. "But I'm not at all like our newest puppy, a Great Dane/hell-hound mix."

"You have a hell-hound?" Richard asked. Xander nodded. "It chose you as it's master?" Xander nodded again. "When?"

"A week ago."

Richard laughed. "My, you're definitely an unusual man, Xander Harris, and you live a very wild and odd life."

"I know," he smirked. "Can I get you something? I have tea bags and soda, but nothing else really. I've been ordering out."

Richard pulled out a list of places and addresses. "Here, my other housewarming present. It's a list of the good markets and stores around the area." He stood up. "I'll let you get back to planning the torture of your second husband. If you need me to talk with him, my number's at the bottom. Just bring him already in chains so we don't have to duel." He bowed to Xander and took Mariana's hand, leading her away.

Xander leaned back and looked over the list. "Way cool. Even a big chain drug store that'll have lube." He carefully carried his body tea into the bathroom and put it into one of the drawers of the wardrobe in the bathroom, heading out to go find some food and lube. And maybe even a sex toy since Oz hadn't let him pack one.

***

Xander squealed as Ray walked through the door, jumping up to give him a hug and twirl him around.

"Easy," Ray said, happy to be reunited with his friend too. "Wow." He looked around the common area, nodding. "I like. You did good."

"Thanks." Xander led him to the stairway down to the lower levels. "Come see?"

"Sure." Ray followed him down, whistling at the practice space that was right in front of them. He wandered around with Xander, looking everything over. "Well, I'm impressed. They did a good job."

"Yup, they did." Xander led him back upstairs, taking the time to hug Methos, who was bringing in animals. "Their room is the one with half the boxes in it," he told the older immie as he led Ray toward the back room, and the bathroom. "So?" he asked, showing off his tub.

"Oh, definitely good," Ray said, sitting on the side to look at all the jets. "Feels good?"

"Feels great," Xander countered. "Just right even."

"Xander, which way to the office?" Oz called.

"Oz!" Xander ran out to give him a hug, tugging him into the office/library space. "See?" he said happily.

"Very nice, imp," Methos said, grabbing him from behind for a proper cuddle. "Have you seen our mysterious immortal neighbors?"

"Yup, they brought us body tea and a list of good stores," Xander said, tipping his head back for a kiss.

"Body tea?" Ray asked.

"It's in the little box in the wardrobe in the bathroom," Xander told him. "You use no more than a small pinch per bath - it's supposed to calm down homicidal urges."

"Oh, that'll be handy," Ray said, going to go look at it himself. "Ferrets heading for the porch," he called.

Methos ran out, going to stop them.

Xander got a proper hug from Oz, cuddling in for a long time. "We've got to move the boxes out of the animal room," he whispered.

"In a few." Oz patted him on the butt. "I saw the article," he noted.

"Yup, me too, and I yelled at the leak."

"Good. Did you fire him?"

"Nope. He was the foreman and he was getting things done. I threatened him instead."

"Good enough." Oz let him go. "Show me the rest, because I know this place wasn't this big when we saw it."

"Um...I kinda added in the next two buildings because they were going to be torn down by the city anyway," Xander offered.

"That's what I figured when I saw the canceled check." Oz let Xander lead him downstairs, whistling at the setup down there. "Very nice," he praised. "Garage?"

"Through the door by the forge, and there's a garden on the roof of it," Xander said, pointing. "The only thing that's left to be done is the installation of the rest of the fabric holders."

"Cool." Oz walked them back upstairs, letting Xander lead him around the house, with the bathroom last. He stopped when he saw the size of the tub. "Wow," he said quietly. "That's big."

"Advertised and shown to hold six linebackers," Xander told him.

"Very big," Oz amended. He looked at his husband. "Big enough for all four of us to get into some very strange positions."

Xander kissed him lightly. "That's the idea," he said against the wet, warm lips.

Oz laughed and pulled Xander into the master bedroom, making Ray move out of their way as they rolled around and had fun on the new bed. "It creaks," Oz said finally.

"I couldn't find one that didn't," Xander said with a shrug. "Not even the salesman could find one that didn't."

"We'll live," Ray noted, rolling over to pounce the Xander himself.

Methos stood at the door and took pictures.

***

Oz picked up a copy of the local gossip rag, adding it to the buggy he and D'Nalia were filling quickly. "Why are we buying trash like that?" she asked.

"Because they've been doing stories on Xander," Oz said quietly. "And his hate group's not in it yet."

"Ah." She picked it up to read, absently putting oatmeal into the cart.

"No one eats that," he noted.

"My boys do. And it's good for bug bites." She flipped a few pages in and stopped. "Wanna bet?" she asked as she handed over the paper.

Oz read it quickly, then shrugged and put it down. "Whatever. They're assholes and they'll leave him alone some day." He tucked it into the cart again and turned the corner, running into the head of their hate group. "Wow, speak of the asshole, repressed people and run into them," he said as he steered around her. She burst into tears.

"There, there," D'Nalia said, patting her on the arm. "If you didn't run a hate group against an innocent person who was just trying to get some bad mental images out of his brain, we'd be a lot more friendly." She continued with Oz, taking a short detour to go through the feminine products aisle.

The other woman glared at them, memorizing their faces for future torment.

A Few Minor Adjustment Problems.

D'Nalia unpacked the last box and looked around. Her twin boys were missing again, but she knew they were with the animals so she didn't worry too much. She walked out of the spare bedroom and looked at all the little homey touches they'd brought down. She hadn't been too sure about packing a lot of them before, but now she realized it was what the guys needed to call this place a home. She found the boys, Oz, and a stranger sitting in the living room, all playing with baby ferrets. She cleared her throat and looked at her employer.

"Xander let her in," Oz said with a shrug. "It was either that, or she was going to get the cops."

"Ah, the ever lovely hate group," D'Nalia said as she sat down and watched her children play. "Let me guess, someone turned me in for having children because of what he writes?"

"No, actually, I'm with the local school board. We had reports that your children were old enough for school and not registered yet, so I was sent here on a truancy check," she said with a smile. "Though, the person who called did mention something along those lines. I reminded her that allegations like that were very damaging and made one liable to be sued if it wasn't true." She held out a hand. "Sarah Smeltz."

"D'Nalia," she said as she shook it. "Technically, the boys aren't old enough for school yet."

"But they are old enough for pre-school and there's some excellent ones in the area."

"Yes, but we may not be down here the whole time."

"Yes, Oz was just explaining that to me," Sarah said with a smile for Oz. "He also told me that you were planning on home schooling them this year?"

"I was planning on getting them ready for school this year," D'Nalia corrected. "I think all children should at least be able to recognize their letters when they enter school, even if they're not quite reading yet."

"Yes, that would be a good thing," Sarah said, getting comfortable for her spiel. "Our district has recently passed an education initiative, trying to get our schools to be some of the best in the country. Frankly, we have the money coming in, but we don't always have the parent's help to make the schools the best possible place for their children. We'd like to see all children reading by the time they come in. We've also made a promise to the parents of our children to do the educational testing earlier so we can catch children with problems before they feel threatened and outcast."

D'Nalia nodded. "I like that."

"I thought you might." She reached over and patted some of the papers on the table in front of her then sat back up. "I've brought you some literature on the various schools, including the private ones and where they're at. I've circled the one your children would be attending if you put them into public school." Her smile brightened. "Though there are a few excellent private schools around the area."

"Any that aren't religious?" Oz asked, seeing D'Nalia's unease.

"Actually, there's a religious one that's not about the religion. Their main goal is to educate the people; they don't even offer classes in religion there. There're also three other ones that are strictly non-denominational. There's an excellent private academy close by also, but it's for the older students, and you have to pass some tests to get in. What I gave you is just a general list for the average student."

"I see," D'Nalia said, smiling at her. "Well, it'll definitely give me something to think about, and I will consider putting the boys in daycare one day a week or so."

"Excellent, it would give them an opportunity to meet other children in the area. There's a very good one up the road run by the most hilarious gay couple; they used to be performers," she confided. "Very entertaining but lighter on the real education. They're more into learning about the world around you."

"Are they on this list?"

"Yes, they're on the top of their section's list. We highly recommend them. And the better schools are usually near the top of the lists, but we've got a rating next to each of them in case you need it for later." She stood up. "I'll just let you finish getting settled in, and I must say that your boys are adorable." She shook everyone's hand again and then let herself out.

"Whoa, case for downers," D'Nalia muttered, looking at the list. "At least we're not in trouble."

"Nope, not yet," Oz agreed, sitting back to watch the kids play with the animals. "Are they settling in all right?"

"Just fine. They loved the beds Xander got for them. They even appreciated all the noisy toys he got for them," she said with a grimace.

"He gets noisy toys for the animals too," Oz told her. "We conveniently forgot most of the jingle balls, except for the ones that sounded like bells." He grinned. "It was so nice of Henri to hide them."

Xander walked up the stairs, examining his first project from his new forge. "Oz, did we bring any of the realmal metal with us?"

"It's all in the second truck, with most of the clothes and stuff."

"Thanks." Xander sat down and showed him the bracelet. "What do you think?"

"I think it's plain but ..." Oz said, taking it to look at the bracelet. "You've got thin spots."

"That's what I was looking at," Xander sighed. "I couldn't get the fire hot enough to even it out."

"Well, I sent down a few bars of the energy metal in the first shipment of boxes," Oz told him. Xander hopped up and went looking for it, hoping to find the source of his best work. Oz shrugged. "It makes him happy."

"Is he going to open a small shop down here?" she asked.

"Probably. I know he's been thinking about doing that in the little ethnic market up the road."

"That'd be the best place," she agreed, "and would keep it low profile."

"I could do it and give some young guy a chance to work in the store, so I don't get fans in there just because it's me," Xander said as he headed back downstairs.

"Also true," D'Nalia and Oz said together. Then they cracked up laughing, finally getting the attention of the twins.

"Would you two like lunch?" their mother asked them, and both boys started to talk to her, finishing each other's sentences about what the animals had been doing that day. She carried them into the kitchen, going to fix them sandwiches so they could go back to playing with the animals and not getting into trouble.

***

"Can we watch?" the twins said as they flopped down next to Xander, who was pounding on the bracelet again.

"Sure," he said absently. "You don't go near the fire though."

"'Kay," they said together, then 'ahh'ed as sparks flew off the hot metal. They watched, entranced as he turned a simple piece of metal into something recognizable to them. They 'ahh'ed as the metal was rewarmed again and then started to be worked again. When it was finally dipped in water, they grabbed for it, taking it out and looking the still-warm cuff over. They babbled at each other about it, touching the rough edges. "Finish it," they said together, handing it back.

"It needs to rest," Xander told them. "I'll do the decoration stuff tomorrow because I won't need to heat it to carve in the design." He smiled at them. "But I'm going to make Auntie Henri a prezzie, want to watch that?" They nodded so he threw another piece of metal into the fire. "What should we make her?"

"Earrings!" they demanded. One of them looked at his brother. "Mommy always likes earrings." His twin nodded and they both watched the metal change color as it heated. "Why does it do that?" the first twin asked.

"It changes color to tell me when it's ready to be worked," Xander told him. "It's all about the chemicals in the metal."

"Metals have chemicals?" the first twin asked.

"Mommy said chemicals were bad to touch," the second said. "'Specially if they're under the sink."

Xander smiled at them. "Well, yeah, those are bad to touch, but the ones in the metal are what makes it the type of metal it is. And I bet, if your mommy looked really hard through the books, there would be a book with pictures about different sorts of metals in the library." The boys jumped up and ran to ask for the book, one of them stopping to kiss him on the cheek. "Thanks, Ian." He shifted some of the coals around, nodding as the metal changed to the right color so he could start working it. He pulled out the metal and started the work to divide it into smaller pieces. Earrings he could do.

***

D'Nalia cursed Xander for sending her twins back to look for a *book*. She didn't know where the book was and there were at least a thousand in here. Well, maybe just a few hundred. She sighed in irritation, moving over to the reference section.

"If you'd tell me what you're looking for," Oz offered, not looking up from his programming. "I shelved most of the books in here."

"Xander told the boys he had a picture book about the types of metals," she said. "You've got too many books in here."

"Third shelf, sixth bookcase, which is the one under the window. We put all the books we thought the boys might like to grab and look through down there." He saved the program and turned around to look at the shelf in question as she walked over. "Fifth book over probably. Either that one or the one below it on the next shelf."

She sat down to look through them both. "Huh, I didn't think he'd have sciency books like these."

"We used to do research for Giles," he told her. She snickered at that. "Xander did it for a lot longer than I did. What did he tell them about the metal?"

"Chemicals are what makes it the type of metal it is."

"The second one you pulled down is probably the one he meant, though the pictures are just lumps."

"Yeah, but it'll still fascinate them, especially if Xander would tell them about it," she said with naughty glint in her eyes. Oz shook his head. "No?"

"You won't be able to pull him away from the forge for a few hours, not until he needs a drink."

"He took down a bottle of water."

"And he's working with burning metal. He'll be back in a few hours. He used to take breaks to go jump in the pool at home when he got too hot."

"Wow. I didn't know he was really that into working on the forge, I thought it was just a hobby."

"It is," Oz said with a slight shrug,"but he throws his full attention into everything he does."

"Guess that's what makes him a hell of a lover," she said as she stood up.

"Definitely," Oz said, and this time he had a big smile on his face. "Xander has worn all four of us out before and still needed more."

She laughed. "That's why someone brilliant invented sex toys."

"Oh, we do that too," he said with a naughty glint in his eyes. "You might want to watch out for Fluffy, she likes to steal the dirty ones to play with. I wasn't sure if Henri told you how she found out the hard way."

"Eww." She shuddered as she walked out with the books. "I'll call you guys to come deal with those." She found her twins waiting almost patiently for her to join them on a couch and sat between them, opening the book that Oz had suggested. "Okay, this is a story about metals," she told them, turning the page. "It's got pictures of different sorts of metals."

"Does it have chemicals?" Sean asked.

"Yup, sure does." She pointed at the first picture. "That's iron, it's one of the most base of metals." She pointed at the chemical diagram. "That's why it's iron instead of other stuff." Ian crawled into her lap to get a closer look. "See, each of those little markings is a different chemical. Most metals share some of them, but each metal has ones that make them special and different."

"And different is good?" Ian asked.

"Yup, sure is," she agreed, turning the page. This was going to be a strange story and she was going to have to make it up as she went along.

***

Xander wrapped up the presents he had made and wiped his hands and face off with his shirt, taking everything he'd made upstairs with the present sitting in the middle of his tray, Henri's still needed carved some more though. He held the tray out to the boys so they could look, smiling as Sean immediately picked up the present. "That's for your mom, want to go give it to her for me?" The twins nodded and went running for their apartment and the mother, who was trying to take a nap. Xander continued into the office to show Oz what he'd done that day. This was his favorite part of creating stuff, seeing the reactions to them. He sat in his husband's lap, putting the tray on the desk.

Oz reached out to look over the first set of earrings, smiling at the simplicity of the design. "First try?"

"Yup. I gave the ones I thought were prettiest to D'Nalia for moving with us."

"Very cool," Oz agreed, putting the earrings down to pick up the next set. "You were busy today," he appraised, staring at the lightly carved designs. "Did it warm?"

"I had to. They're so small that it hurt the design when I'd did it cold. I reforged the ones I tried it cold on." Oz patted him on the back so he handed over the bracelet from earlier. "The boys wanted to watch me decorate that one tomorrow."

"Much more even," Oz congratulated, putting it back. He hugged his husband hard. "Are you happy with your new forge?"

"I miss the pool being beside it," Xander admitted, snuggling in.

"Want to go explore the beach?" Oz asked quietly.

"Yeah," Xander said happily. "I'd like that. Let me shower first, I don't want to drop any metal into the ocean." He got up and gave his husband a kiss, then headed in to the bathroom, where Ray was taking a shower. "Want to help me take one too?" he called as he stripped.

"Sure," Ray said, opening the door. "Did you burn your braid again?" he asked, eyeing the singed ends.

"Just a bit," Xander said with a grin. "I flipped it over my shoulder with the hand that was holding the hammer." He climbed in and sighed as the cool water hit him. "Oh, man, this feels good."

"I thought it might," Ray said, turning Xander to get a kiss. They rested together under the waterfall showerhead, then Ray grabbed the soap and a sponge, doing as had been requested. "I still like you sweaty," he sighed as he sank to his knees to suck the hard cock.

Xander grabbed the special bars he'd had put into the shower and held on. Ray was *good* at this and he could use the release. Pounding the metal always got him hot.

***

Oz smiled as the boys trooped out to the car, letting their mother handle their seats, they scared him. He patted Xander's butt as he jogged out in a short pair of shorts, his speedos underneath. They got into the second car, following the signs until they found a good place to head onto the beach - not too crowded, but not empty, that would have been a bad sign. Oz set out the blankets and umbrellas, Ray still didn't tan very well, and settled in to watch his water baby play in the surf.

Xander heard a snide comment as he stripped down to his speedos, so listened to them talk about him.

"He *must* be gay," one man said, looking at the long, streaked ponytail. "Look at his hair and his bathing suit. I mean, hello, only a gay man wears that and has hair that makes you want to grab hold and tug on it while he sucks your cock."

"Um-huh, but look at that body," another guy said. "Wonder who the short little guy who brought him to be admired by us is."

"You guys," another guy said, running up to them. "That's the guy that's been in the papers recently, the author." He showed them the picture with the latest article.

"And he's *gay*?" the first guy asked.

"With two husbands and lovers according to the article," the third told him, smirking. "It says he *needs* that many, and that he used to write *porn*."

"I'd like to see if he practices what he preaches," the second guy said. They all laughed. "I'm wondering if the short redhead is a husband or a lover?"

"Husband," the first said, handing over the article. "It says he's the cousin of the guy that was on the news for being shot in Chicago, something about that *man* beating up a reporter for defiling his husband's body."

"Wow, keeping it in the family," the second said, handing the article back. "Wonder if he's taking applications for loving helpers."

Xander winked as he walked over to them. "Yes, I'm him, yes, that's my husband and my housekeeper with her kids. Please don't embarrass me in front of them?" he asked, giving them his best 'innocent little boy' look. They all nodded dumbly so he ran toward the water, each of them tipping their heads as he dived in to get the best view they could.

Oz laughed from his blanket under the umbrella. His baby was *so* bad at times. Maybe they should go out tonight. D'Nalia headed out with the newly-sunscreened boys to go play in the water, leaving him to proof the first few chapters of Xander's newest book. He really wanted to know what the darkest recesses of Xander's mind could come up with to torture Giles.

***

Oz led his husband into the club, arm wrapped possessively around Xander's waist so no one would get the wrong idea and try to hit on him, not that Ray would let anyone near them, or Methos, who was catching a quick kiss next to the doorway. "Table?" he suggested.

Methos nodded and they headed for the wall area, going to sit at an empty table. They ordered drinks, little rum coolers, then Xander dragged Oz out onto the floor as a new song started up.

Methos sighed as his two of his favorite people writhed together on the floor. He took Ray's hand to hold, enjoying the ambience of the club. It wasn't often that he would openly display affection to his lover and soon-to-be-husband but no one would dare say anything in this place. One eyebrow went up as Xander was split off from Oz on the dance floor. Then he watched as Oz stalked his husband and took him back, shoving another man aside, probably with a growled 'mine' thrown in for good measure. But there wasn't a fight so it was all good still.

It wasn't too long before Oz dragged Xander back and forced him to sit against the wall. "Wicked music," Oz noted as he sat down. "You two should go dance."

"I don't dance," Ray told him, sounding very firm about it. "Not in clubs."

"I'd dance with you and teach you," Xander offered. "It's all about letting go and following the music." Ray shook his head so Xander turned the impressive power of his pout on his best friend. "Please?"

"Nope, and not even that'll make me get out there."

"Please?" Xander asked, turning it up.

"Go," Methos said gently, handing Xander Ray's hand. "And keep him out of trouble."

"I'll keep him out of trouble," Xander promised, climbing over Oz to get back out, dragging Ray with him. He got his friend onto the crowded dance floor and ground himself into the other man's hips, showing him how to move. It wasn't too long before Ray was into it, and horny.

Methos looked at Oz and smiled. "At least they're having fun."

Oz shrugged. "I'm still gonna worry."

Methos laughed at that. "As shall I. Those two couldn't stay out of trouble with an army of bodyguards around them." They looked at each other, then got up and headed over to dance with their lovers before someone else could get to them. It was dangerous to leave those two alone for very long. People tended to want to take them, or they got into the sort of trouble that only well-trained GHS sluts could. Xander pulled Methos in to dance with him, getting his groove on with the hard body, making his friend, teacher, and lover very horny. He grinned over at Oz, who had Ray all but wrapped around him, then up at Methos, winking at him, as he turned around so the older immortal could grind into his backside.

Xander leaned over and kissed Ray in the back seat, stealing his mouth from Methos. He got tired of the awkward position and climbed over the front seat, right into Ray's lap so he could share with the other couple. Oz drove them to an out of the way park and parked in the darkest corner of the parking lot, then he reached over and lowered the back of Xander's seat until it was nearly a flat surface and touching the back seat. He slid over and did the same to his seat, creating two more hard, flat surfaces for everyone to enjoy. Then he grabbed Methos and kissed him hard, pulling him away from the two mortals so they could have some fun.

Not even the cops that came up to the car could interfere with the hot passion that was spilling from inside the steamed windows. No one wanted to break into that orgy. By the time they'd left, Xander was naked, Ray was bottomless, and Oz had Methos so far down his throat that he could have been attached to Methos' crotch by the nose.

Ray groaned as Xander impaled himself, grabbing the slender hips hard enough to put bruises on them as he helped the younger man ride him. He came within a few minutes; the hour of teasing on the dance floor had been excellent foreplay, especially when Xander had all but given him a hand-job while they'd been dancing. He slumped a little bit, smiling at his partner. "You're good," he whispered, taking another hard kiss, then pushing Xander off and making him lean back into the other duo. "Here, I'm spent," he said, passing the Xander on.

Methos grabbed the Xander and pulled him down, interrupting Oz's blowjob. He slid into the wet body with a pleased smile and started to ride him, pushing Oz's head down so he would pleasure his husband. Xander wiggled delightfully, getting him off quickly too, then shot off down Oz's throat.

"Now that's what I call a quickie," Ray said in appreciation, smiling at the Xander.

"We need more nights like this one," Methos murmured as he pulled the Xander in for a cuddle and yawned.

"We're near one of the biggest party cities," Oz agreed. "We should spend some more time partying." He checked his watch. "Wanna go find another club?" Xander grinned at that.

"I'll get up front and let Methos sleep it off with the Xander pillow," Ray offered, grinning at Xander. He *knew* how the young man loved to be held after sex. He ended up getting out and helping Oz put back up the seats as Methos settled himself in the back, eventually sliding into the passenger's seat and buckling himself in. "Where to now, Oz?"

Oz shrugged. "Let's drive around 'til we find somewhere we all like." He started the car and backed out of the parking lot, heading for the club district again.

"Make it a gay club," Methos said sleepily.

"Yeah, I wanna dance some more," Xander said with a grin.

"Did you guys see the cops?" Ray asked as they pulled out onto one of the more main streets.

"Cops?" everyone else asked at once.

"Yeah, they came up to the car and decided not to interrupt." He shrugged when Xander looked at him. "Seems they thought we needed it."

Oz put a hand high on Ray's thigh. "Oh, we needed it," he said, giving the other man a sly smile.

"We'll ask at the next club and see where people go to make out," Xander told them.

"We will not go parking," Methos said in his usual dry tone.

"Parking?" Ray asked. "My father used to say that when I was in high school."

"Mine never talked to me about sex," Xander said with a shrug. "My mother hadn't given him any in years, and he was cheating on her with barely legal girls. I doubt he wanted to tell me about any of it."

"Good thing," Ray said with a smirk. "We wouldn't want you to suddenly turn *het*."

Oz shuddered. "Eww, Ray, bad thought!" He pinched the inside of his thigh. "Just for that, I'm putting you in a cock ring before we go into the next club."

"We didn't bring any toys," Ray pointed out.

At the next stop light, Oz leaned over and opened the glove compartment, taking out the cock ring that was sitting in there and dropping it into Ray's lap. He ignored the two dildos that were sitting in there and the tube of lube that was stuffed against the compartment wall. "We'll put that on before we go in," Oz told him, starting again since the light was green.

"Xander, why do you keep two sex toys, lube, and a cock ring in the car?" Ray asked, not sure he wanted the answer.

"Because you never know when you've got to have some," Xander told him with a naughty grin.

"I thought we agreed, no more masturbating in public," Oz said, glancing in the rearview mirror.

"We did, and it wasn't public." Xander blew him a kiss. "I found one of those parking spots and decided I needed some."

"Oh, that's okay then," Oz agreed.

"I miss when we used to do it in the car on the way to LA," Xander sighed.

Oz snorted. "Yeah, me too, but we nearly had a wreck the last time you blew me while I was driving. Remember that?"

"Yup, very well thank you," Xander said quickly. "Which is why I haven't pushed it."

"He blew you *while* you were drivin'?" Ray asked.

"Yes, Oz has always had a thing about having sex in the car," Methos told him. "That's how he wrecked his first VW Bus."

"She had some major suction," Oz agreed, nodding slowly. "Oh, the other cars'll be down in a few days," he noted. "We'll have to clean this one really well before we send it back to the rental agency."

"I'll help," Xander said with a grin. Methos nipped him on the neck. "Hey, no biting in the car. Not when I can't retaliate by sucking on your nipples."

Ray moaned and turned around to watch them. There weren't many things that were more sensual to him than sex, but watching Methos and Xander, or Oz, go at it were on the top of his list.

Oz smirked as he turned onto the main strip, deciding they could cruise for a while. They could even take turns driving, at least if he had any say about it.

***

Oz leaned over Xander's butt, which was sticking up under the covers, and grabbed the phone. "Yeah?" he asked sleepily. "Huh?" He hummed. "Thanks. Yeah, I'll do that now." He hung up and went out to move the car they'd parked next to the door last night into the garage so the street cleaners wouldn't smash into it. By the time he got back, Methos and Ray had surrounded his Xander and were trying to get him to wake up by teasing him which wasn't going to happen. Oz knew that from experience. "He can't feel that when he's really asleep," he noted as he crawled in and lay down on top of his husband's firm body.

"Ferret babies," came the call from the living room. It was the twins, looking for their best friends. "Where are you?"

"Oh, hell," Methos said, getting up and quietly closing the door. If the boys knew they were up, they'd come in and want to cuddle too, and, while he was content to cuddle after sex, children still scared him to no end - he might have helped raise some, but that didn't mean that he and they interacted very well. He crawled back into the bed, just before the door opened and the twin boys snuck in.

"Hi!" they said cheerfully as they started to search for the baby ferrets. "Where'd they go?"

"Have you checked the animal room yet?" Methos asked them, making sure they were all covered up. D'Nalia had said she was very liberal but he doubted she wanted her beloved twins to see them naked and having morning hard-ons. The boys ran out to go check that room, slamming the door behind them.

"Huh?" Xander asked sleepily, lifting his head up.

"It was the twins," Oz told him, licking across the back of the sweaty neck. "They're searching for their partners in mischief." He nipped the base of Xander's neck, getting a sleepy murmur of interest. "You up for it?"

"Ferret babies!" Ian yelled from outside the door. He walked in and stomped over to the bed, climbing up to sit on the bottom, looking at the adults. "I can't find them anywhere," he pouted.

Xander turned his head to look at the little boy. "Did you check downstairs and in the kitchen?" he asked. The little boy nodded. "Is your mother around? She might know where they're at."

Sean ran in and hopped up onto the bed, smiling at them. "Mommy said she took them to the vet's because they were throwin' up," he told everyone. All the adults looked at him. "She said that they have to stay there until this afternoon and they'll be home then."

"Why were they getting sick?" Oz asked.

"Because they ate a plant," Sean told him, frowning. "I'm not sure which one."

D'Nalia cleared her throat from the doorway. "I'm sure you've heard about the ferret kits," she said as she walked in. "They're fine. The vet had to make sure they had puked it all up before sending them home, so they're under observation for most of the day." She sat down on the end of the bed and pulled her twins into her lap. "It was the ferny sort of plant that's sitting in the front window."

Xander sighed. "They said it was fine for animals, I asked the plant people and everything."

"It's fine for the cats and the dogs, but not the ferrets." She squeezed her sons then put them on the floor. "Let's go find you something to color, guys." She smiled once her twins had gone. "Thanks for not yelling at them."

"We'd only yell if we were in the middle of it," Oz told her, watching as she walked out and shut the door behind her. He looked down at Xander, nipping him again. "Anyone still wanting to do more?" he asked.

"No," Ray said, lifting the sheet to look down at his limp cock. "It fell when the kids walked in."

Methos reached over and patted Ray's cock. "It's all right. I'm sure it'll come back soon enough." He looked at Oz. "Yours?"

"Completely gone," Oz admitted. "Xander?"

"I'm almost always ready," Xander reminded him, closing his eyes and putting his head down again. He started to snore within minutes.

Oz shook his head and got out of the bed, making sure Xander was comfortably covered, then nodded his head at the bathroom. "Soak?"

The other couple nodded, grabbing robes to follow him to the massive bathroom and the huge tub. They piled into the spacious tub, adding their own mixture of oil, salt, and bubbles until the bathroom smelled nice and everyone was soothed. They settled in to enjoy the hot water and the jets, quickly falling asleep again.

D'Nalia came in to check on them a few hours later, shaking her head at the threesome cuddled together against one edge. She set down the tray table and left, quietly closing the door behind her before heading back to the kitchen and Xander. "Hey," she said, patting him on the back. "All asleep."

Xander finished his cup of coffee and smiled. "Good. Want to help me cook?"

"You can cook?" she asked, looking skeptical. Henri had warned her not to trust anything that Xander had made unless the preparation had less than three steps or it was pre-made.

"I can do some," he told her, starting to pout. "I want to make ribs. Please?"

"I'll go to the store," she told him, handing him the note pad for groceries. "Find your recipe and make the list."

He hugged her. "Thank you." He pulled out the recipe he'd hidden in the cabinet, he really wanted this to be a surprise for his men, and wrote down what he needed, handing it back to her. "Here, I need those." He smiled as she held out a hand. "Wallet's in the living room. Are you going to pick up the ferrets too?"

"Nope; the vet wanted to talk to you guys." She went to pick out some money and go to the store, taking the twins with her.

Xander danced around the kitchen, planning the night he wanted to surprise his lovers with. He remembered to close the curtains after seeing a flash, but he shrugged it off. So what if it was a camera, it wasn't any worse than anything else they've said about him.

***

Xander smiled across the table at the vet, petting his baby, Jedi. "So, they're all fine?"

"They're all good," the vet agreed. "Have they had their shots?" He looked up from the chart. "We couldn't get hold of your usual vet."

"He may be off for vacation; he takes a week off every year about this time," Xander said lightly. "But we brought a copy of everyone's records down with us," he said, bending down to grab his briefcase, pulling out the expanding filefolder. "Here's the files on all of our animals."

The vet took it and checked each piece, smiling at the complete records. "Well, they certainly look in order," he noted. "How do you handle so many animals?"

"We've got a room just for them to play in," Xander said with a bigger grin. "Most of the time they decide to keep themselves in there and nap. The babies here," he said, tapping the head of one ferret that was trying to jump off the table, "usually come out and play with our housekeeper's twins. They're four," he explained.

The vet laughed. "I can see how they'd get along well. You're not having a problem with all the dogs going out?"

"Nah, they like to go out together. I adopted a bunch of strays outta LA's shelters, and we've worked really hard to make sure that the pack works well together. Any of the animals that can't handle it are adopted out; I make sure that all the homes are good ones."

"Good." The vet closed the file folder and handed it back. "It sounds like you've got it well in hand. Do you have any questions?"

"Yeah, actually; if we're going to use you as our primary vet, I think I should ask you a few questions." The vet nodded. "All right, we're going to be doing a generational thing with one of our dogs and our mommy ferret," Xander told him.

"Generational thing?" the vet asked.

"Yeah, like we want to keep a member of the bloodline for a long time."

"All right. So you're breeding a few of them?"

"Well, these are all our mommy's kids," Xander told him, petting Jedi again. "She's had three different litters, but a few of them have been adopted out." The vet nodded again. "So, we're needing to make sure that there's nothing wrong with the bloodline."

"I can see how that would be necessary," the vet agreed. "If you'd like to schedule a day to bring in all your animals, we can do a complete work-up on them all."

"That's a definite possibility," Xander agreed. "See, our mommy puppy's babies are just about old enough to go into heat too. They were born about eight months ago and the mommy, Rocky, went into heat the first time around ten months."

"Ah. So this is going to become a necessity."

"We're thinking within a few months actually," Xander said, starting to relax. "We'd like your opinion on breeding too. We've picked out the one we'd like to breed, but we'd love to have all our puppies have puppies. I'm really good at finding them homes," Xander said as the vet opened his mouth, "but I'm also realistic. We'd like to interbreed to try and keep the bloodline as pure as possible, but know that comes with problems too."

"It does," the vet said thoughtfully, "but doing it every few generations, and not from the same litter, shouldn't cause too many problems. You're right; that would be a very good reason to check out the bloodlines. A full work-up on all the animals might take a full day, and about a week to get back all the bloodwork, but it'd definitely be a help for what you've got planned. How many do you have now? I lost count in there."

"Eleven animals before we had the babies, and Ray's two dogs and two cats," Xander sighed. "And D'Nalia's two came with her. Three more puppies and a grand total eleven, no ten now, ferret kittens."

"Kits," the vet corrected.

"Not kittens?"

"Not quite. Though, they can be very similar I know." The vet patted one of the babies. "They are adorable; are you going to let these be adopted too?"

"Yup, I'm starting to look for families now. We've adopted one out to a friend who's in the military and his lover."

"They allowed that? I always thought they had very strict rules for military peoples' animals."

"They're civilian consultants; the military can't really complain at them about it when they have their own apartment." He shrugged. "Though, I believe Dessie may be going to work with them. Danny said something about that the last time I talked to him. They did get in trouble for that one."

The vet laughed. "At least your life's not boring." He helped get the ferrets into the carrier. "Let's go make you an appointment for the full work-up, and we'll try to get hold of your vet again tonight."

"Tell them that I'm not moving permanently. This is just for a few years and I'll be back."

"I'll do that," the vet agreed, following him out. "Maria, we need to make him an appointment for his thirty animals to come in and get complete work-ups." She looked up at him. "He's thinking about breeding a few of them."

She nodded and bent over to look at the scheduling book, then sighed. "You've got an afternoon in two days," she suggested. "A three hour block but there's a possibility of a staff meeting that day."

He shook his head. "No, I'm very sure we're having a meeting."

"We've got some time open on Saturday, but it's only a two hour block, and then you've got lunch scheduled and a shot clinic."

The vet winced. "No, let's try in a few weeks."

"Well," she said, flipping pages. "Did you really want next Tuesday off?"

The vet nodded, giving her a frown. "It's the renewal of my wedding vows; I think I need that day," he said dryly.

"Just checking." She flipped pages again, then smiled. "Three weeks from now, you've got a whole open day," she said, handing over the book so he could see.

"We like afternoons," Xander said quickly.

The vet took the secretary's pencil and marked off the afternoon. "All right, Mr. Harris, three weeks on Wednesday," he said, taking the card from the receptionist to write it out. "Bring them all, bring your copies of the records and we'll try to get the ones from your regular vet." He smiled at the young man. "Our number's on the front if you need us. Please get rid of that plant, or move it if you really have to keep it."

Xander grinned and clapped him on the shoulder. "I can do that. Thanks for taking care of them for me." He tucked the card into his pocket and picked up the carrier again. "We'll go home and rest now." He showed his babies to the receptionist and waved, heading out to his car. He made sure the babies were tightly fastened into the back and got in to drive, heading for home.

***

Xander walked into the house, smiling at the sight before him. Richard and Oz were playing chess, and Methos was arranging the pictures on the mantle. "We're home, and we need to get rid of that plant."

"D'Nalia took it to her place," Oz said absently. "All okay?"

"They're all fine," Xander said, checking to make sure the door was closed before opening the cage and letting them all out. He smiled as two of them headed immediately for Richard's lap and crawled up his pants to get to it. They squeaked up at him, wiggling until he petted them.

"Gee, want some pets?" Oz asked, making his move. "Xander, what's with the bowls in the kitchen? D'Nalia said I couldn't touch them."

"I'm making ribs," he said as he headed to check on his dinner.

Oz and Methos shared a look, then Oz jumped up to go check on him. "Honey, I love you, but...do you know what you're doing?" he asked gently.

"I *can* follow a recipe, Oz," Xander told him, giving him a frown. "It's not that hard. I got the recipe off that guy on TV that we like to watch."

"Okay, I'll try them," Oz agreed, giving his husband a hug. He felt the stiffness of the card in Xander's pocket and pulled it out to look at it. "Vet follow-up?"

"Mass checkup," Xander corrected. "To check everyone's health and to see if the ones we want to breed are fine."

"Cool, did you tell him how many we actually have?"

"He scheduled the whole afternoon for us," Xander said, giving him a smile as he turned in the loose arms. "He made sure that we could handle all the animals that we have, and I explained that we wanted to keep a member of the bloodlines for a few generations. He was pretty cool about it."

"Cool, I'll enjoy this one then. Our last one always seemed to frown at me whenever I came in with someone." Oz gave him a squeeze. "Guess what I saw in the paper today."

"What?"

"I saw an ad for a ferret breeder who stated that their animals only went to excellent and loving homes."

"Really?" Xander smiled brighter. "Can we call and talk to them?"

"Sure. We talked for a few minutes while you were gone, and they want to take a look at our babies. It seems like they're working out of one bloodline and we might have one of the better chances for them to get a new one."

"We don't have papers on Jedi," Xander pointed out.

"They're ferrets, it's not like we have to worry about breeds."

"Okay, when are they coming over?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. And they're bringing one of their top studs to see if they're compatible with Jedi."

"Wow. And we've got the vet visit coming up to make sure that they're absolutely fine. This could be really good."

"I think it really will be," Oz agreed. "Now, about dinner. Are you sure you want to cook? There's an excellent rib place in town."

"I *can* follow a recipe," Xander reminded him, starting to look pissed again.

"Okay, I look forward to trying them," Oz said, backing out of the kitchen. He went back to his chess game. It was never wise to piss off the Xander, especially when he was trying to do something that he knew he wasn't too good at. He sat down across from his opponent. "So, want a pet?" he asked, nodding at the ferrets. "Xander adopts them out, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind, and they're all getting checkups in three weeks."

Richard smiled. "I'll have to ask my Mariana, Oz; she was not very impressed with your Xander."

"Yeah, I heard he nearly took her head because she snuck up on him." Oz shrugged. "Does she regret it yet?"

Richard snorted. "That's mostly why she doesn't like him. She hates anyone who can best her." Oz raised an eyebrow. "I know, it's not the way to learn, but she does realize that she can learn from people. I have the feeling that, eventually, she'll come ask Xander to teach her how he did that move."

"It's all part of a dance, man, not something that he can really teach." Oz shrugged at the hard look. "You remember that small matter with the tape and the internet?" Richard smiled and nodded. "The same dances that did that taught him how to fight."

"Ah, then I won't say a thing, but I'll try and dissuade her from hating him for it." He clapped his hands. "I do believe we're at Check."

"Hmm," Oz said, quickly making a move. "Checkmate."

Richard frowned as he stared at the board. "How?" Oz moved his next move. "Oh. Yes, that is an interesting strategy."

"I always thought Kings should take down other Kings," Oz said with a shrug. He shuddered when a 'clang' came from the kitchen. "Where's that rib place again?" he asked quietly, handing over a piece of paper and a pen. "He's trying to cook."

Richard gave him a sympathetic look and wrote down the directions.

***

Xander bit into his first rib, not minding everyone watching him. He winced as he continued to chew, then tossed down the bones. "Whatever," he said, glaring at Oz for being right.

"I'll buy you ribs," Oz soothed, getting up and helping Xander to his feet, and out to the car. "There's a great rib place in town, Richard said he eats there at least twice a month." He put the directions on the dashboard and watched as the other couple got into the back, backing out quickly. Maybe the dogs would decide they needed some new chew toys and take them off the table; then he remembered how well trained they were. Someone would have to feed the dogs the ribs - but not where Xander could see it.

D'Nalia walked into the dining room and looked at the dinner laid out. She picked off a piece of meat and grimaced. "Here, boys," she called, bringing the dogs running. "Here we go," she said, handing over the treats. "Yes, you can have a chew toy." She continued on her trek to the cupboards, going to find something for her and the boys to eat for dinner. She'd definitely be talking to Oz in the morning about where her check was.

***

Xander rubbed against Oz as they walked into their house, but the man standing in the center of the living room cooled him off some. "Micah?" he asked. "What sort of problem are you having?"

"A big one," he sighed, turning to look at Xander, making sure he could see the bruises. "I had to help Angel out earlier tonight." He walked closer. "Xander, did Wolfram and Hart send you something?"

"They said it was from Angel," Xander said, heading into the office to get the check he hadn't remembered to cash yet. He turned, handing it to his brother, who had followed him. "They said Angel sent it to pay me back."

"Oh, it would have," Micah agreed. "It's cursed. As soon as you cashed it, you would have started the curse." He touched his brother's face. "They were trying to take everything away from you, little brother."

Xander nodded, then he stiffened. "Angel?"

"Is fine, as is everyone in his office. Wesley's in the hospital, and it's serious, but he's expected to recover." He took a deep breath. "They tried to get into your house but young Willow stopped them cold, as did your natural brother."

"And Henri?" Oz asked.

"Is fine," Micah said, giving him a smile. "Willow stopped them when she heard they were heading towards your house by forcing them to tell everything they'd ever done to a cop. Then she headed up there using my traveling device to warn Seth and Spike. Everything at your home is fine." He looked at Xander again. "Why didn't you cash it?"

"I didn't need the money," Xander said with a shrug. "I was going to mention it to Oz and let him decide which account we're putting it into."

"Good." Micah patted him on the shoulder. "Good boy. Always be careful of presents from people you don't know." He handed Xander a large, wrapped box. "But not this one, okay?" He turned and walked away, using his portal once he was outside the house.

Methos walked in and looked at the box Xander was carrying. "He's gone. What's that?"

"Something Micah gave him," Ray said with a shrug. "Open it, Xan. I wanna see."

"Presents in times of stress are never meant in fun," Xander reminded him, looking up at Oz, who nodded. So he opened it. Inside the box was a large wooden box, and inside that box was a ring. "Oh, crap! It's the family seal."

Oz took it out and looked it over. "Are we keeping it safe?"

"No, if something happens to Micah, and he must think it will, I'm supposed to pick the next head of the family." He took the ring and put it back in the box, staring up at the ceiling. "Fuck you, Micah, I didn't want this!" A note drifted down from the ceiling and he picked it up to read it. "Oh, crap. Micah's leading the final assault on Wolfram and Hart's demonic offices. Claimed it was his right since they're gunning for me, and I'm a sibling." He handed it over and went to get sick.

Oz nodded at Ray to follow him while he read, letting Methos hold the box for now. "This sucks," he finally announced, heading to help his husband and comfort him.

Methos stuck the note in the box with the ring and closed it, keeping it close by him as he went to check his email. Something this big often leaked into the normal world, and he wanted to monitor it through the Watchers. Wolfram and Hart had an immie working for them so they had to have a Watcher within easy watching distance.

Oz sat down beside Xander on the bathroom floor and pulled him into his arms, his husband clinging to him. "Shh, Micah's an experienced warrior, and I doubt he'll die. This was just an in case sorta thing."

"It isn't," Xander sniffed. "If it were, he'd have given it to Elizabeth."

"Maybe he couldn't find her," Ray noted.

"The note said he wanted Elizabeth to take the reins next," Xander sniffed. "She can't give it to herself."

"Oh." Ray shrugged. "Do you know where your adopted sister is?"

"Vegas, at school," Oz told him. "Number's in our rolodex, the personal one." Ray nodded and got up to call her for them. "They'll both be fine, Xander, and, if not, then we'll do our best to support your sister in her new job." Xander nodded and wrapped his arms tighter around him. "It's okay. I know you like Micah, but it'll be okay." He rocked his mate gently, trying to soothe him. They both jumped when they heard a phone ring. "What happened?" he yelled.

Methos walked into the bathroom. "That was Willow. She took out the vampires they sent to the house. Spike got the fighters. Henri's scared but she's unhurt." He walked in and dropped a kiss on Xander's head. "The only thing that they did was try to kick your forge over, and they got burnt for it because it still hasn't cooled down yet." He frowned at Oz. "Is he all right?" he asked when he didn't get an answer.

"As far as I know," Oz said with as much of a shrug as he could give. "He gets like this when he's upset."

"Ah." Methos sat down next to them, sharing the cuddling duties. Ray came in a few minutes later and sat down with them. "Is it done?" he asked his mate.

"I called her, got her roommate, left a message for her to call immediately, it's a family emergency." He tapped Xander, getting looked at. "It'll be okay. You've fought with Micah before, and you said he wasn't that bad. He's probably better against demons, or at least against someone who he wouldn't get into trouble for beating up."

Xander nodded. "I know, but it still sucks. He's expecting to die."

"I've gone into plenty of situations where I expected to die," Ray told him, "but I came out."

"Yeah, but you had a Mountie," Xander pointed out.

"Maybe he's got the demonic version," Methos said with a shrug. "There are excellent fighters among the demons, and there are white knights, same as a Mountie would be." He started a soothing massage on Xander's neck, slowly moving down to the tense shoulders. "Relax," he whispered. "We'll handle it. We've gone through too much and so has Micah," he added when Oz looked at him. "Everything will be fine, Xander."

"And if it's not?"

"Then we'll deal," Ray reminded him. "We've dealt with everything else." He stole a kiss. "See?"

"Yeah, maybe," Xander said, relaxing. At least until the phone rang and Ray jumped up to get it. "Is it her?" he called.

"Yeah," Ray called back, bringing the phone with him. Xander took it and disappeared into the bedroom to talk to his adopted sister alone. Ray sat in Methos' lap, letting Oz hug him too. "It'll be okay, right?"

"It should be," Oz told him, getting comfortable.

***

Xander came out of the bedroom around dawn and found all his lovers in the living room, waiting on him. "He lived," he announced, "but he's really badly beaten up." He came over and sat down between Ray and Oz. "Elizabeth went home to deal with him and the rest of the family."

"And the ring?" Methos asked.

"Stays with me until Micah can come get it himself, or until Elizabeth comes to say that she's now the head of the family."

Methos reached over and gave him a hug. "We told you it'd be fine," he said quietly. "Micah will come and get the seal himself in a few days."

"And everything will go back to normal," Oz added, giving his husband a squeeze. "And Richard said he'd talk to what's-her-name about adopting the two ferrets that liked him so much."

"Mariana," Xander said quietly. "She *really* hates Methos. He burned down her village," he said, looking at his friends.

"I'm sure she'll see tonight that I've changed," Methos said calmly. "I'm not going to run and hide because I did her wrong in the past. If I did that every time an old immie came near me, I'd never come out of the bathroom."

"Which would be okay if we had the bathroom here and a food delivery service," Ray joked.

Methos groaned. "No, it wouldn't. I'd miss my books and we'd eventually run out of lubricant, not to mention soap, shampoo, and the other necessities such as toilet paper." He kissed Ray on the cheek. "I promise, after our official ceremony, I'm taking you somewhere private for a few weeks. If anyone finds us, it'll be their heads."

"Both of them?" Oz asked with a faint smile.

"Yes, I'll enjoy the torture," Methos told him, but he was looking at Xander when he said it. "As for you, imp, I don't want to see any gauzy fabrics on my Raymond. I plan on leaving shortly after the ceremony and escaping this hecticness that seems to surround us at the moment."

"You mean I can't borrow his outfit?" Ray asked with a grin.

"Only if you want to fly out in it," Methos said dryly. "I personally don't want that sort of attention, but if you're up to being ogled and patted down by every person in there, including the security people probably, then I'll gladly let you wear it."

"You mean we can't have a reception?" Xander asked, giving him a mild pout. "Not even a cake?"

"I was planning on leaving no more than four hours after the wedding," Methos told him. "If you plan it for early afternoon, then we'll be able to sleep on the plane that night...if we're not at our destination by then."

"You're not gonna tell even me where we're goin', are you?" Ray asked, tipping his head up to look at his lover. Methos shook his head. "I guess that's romantic, the surprise and all. You do know I hate surprises, right?"

Methos nodded. "I know. I'll tell you once we're safely on our way to the airport."

"Are we doing it here?" Xander asked.

"Unless you wanted to move everything back home for a week, I'd say we'd probably be best off doing it here." Methos looked at Oz. "We do have a small garden over the garage."

"No trees," Ray reminded him. "I'd like this to be private, not to have everyone and a news crew there."

"Then how about a nearby park?" Oz asked. "We could probably even rent out a pavilion or something."

"Maybe," Methos agreed, "but we'd still have the problem of privacy."

"We could go look for a small hotel with a ballroom," Xander pointed out.

"Or we could be really snarky and mean and go to Vegas, but use another hotel," Ray suggested.

Oz shook his head. "Giles would get us for that. Besides, we've still got to call Danny and give him a definite date to ask for vacation time."

"We're getting married in three weeks, even if no one shows up," Methos said firmly.

"Guess we'll have to call Henri and ask her to send down the gifts earlier than we thought," Oz said, looking down at Xander. "Think she'd mind?"

"Nah, she'd probably even bring them personally," Xander said with a grin. "And ask her to send down the rest of the animal toys too, before I have to go buy more of them."

Oz groaned lightly. "Xan, those toys were annoying."

"Yup, and I'm sure I can find worse ones," he noted.

"Fine," Oz said as he got up and headed for the office, "I'll tell her to send them down too." He flopped down into his desk chair and turned on his computer, tapping his fingers while it booted up.

"Um, Oz?" D'Nalia said from the doorway. "Can I talk to you?" He nodded so she walked in and closed the door. "I know I've gotten a paycheck from you recently, but it hasn't been in the last two weeks and I'm starting to steal you guys' food to feed my family."

Oz looked at her for a moment. "I thought we were direct depositing it into your account."

"Maybe, but, if you are, it wasn't there as of yesterday."

"Oh." Oz shrugged. "Let me check and make sure it's going through. If not, I'll write you out a check." He smiled. "You knew not to go to Xander about this?"

"I figured you're the money person," she said with a shrug of her own. "I've seen how you keep the credit cards and how you keep the receipts. I figured you'd be the person to go to about this."

"Thanks," he said with a smile. "You chose right. Let me check on that while I email Henri, and, if not, I'll have a check for you by tonight, and we'll spring for a pizza for you three."

"Thanks, Oz. I'll go back to unpacking the fabrics again."

"Xander's supposed to be doing that," Oz noted.

"Yup, but I needed something to do. This place is really clean already." She smiled at him. "And if I have to clean bodily fluids out of that bathtub, I want a raise."

He snickered. "I promise, we'll rinse it out every time we put bodily fluids into it." She nodded and walked out, and he shook his head in wonder at the gem they'd found to be their assistant housekeeper. He logged onto the internet, pulling up his email so he could send a letter home. He hoped Henri knew where Xander had hidden the presents because he didn't. At the end, he put on a PS, stating that it was against his will, but would she please send down the 'damned noisy toys'. He leaned back in his chair as he accessed their financial manager program, checking on his automatic withdrawals. He frowned when he saw that one of them wasn't going to go through for nearly a month, it was listed as 'in processing', and shrugged, pulling out his checkbook to write their housekeeper a check for her agreed upon salary. "Flat salaries are good," he reminded himself, tearing out the check and getting up to go give it to her, making sure he had his wallet on him. He found her and the boys sitting downstairs, talking while their mom put up the fabric bolts. "Don't worry about where you put them, he'll be rearranging them."

"I'm trying to put them in the order he had them stacked in here, which was how they were stacked at home," she told him, giving him a smile. "It's make-work until the ferrets run through a plant again."

"You could always take the boys out to do something fun," Oz reminded her. "We're not total ogres who're going to chain you to the house all day long." He handed her the check and reached for his wallet, pulling out the largest bill he had. "Here, take the boys to a movie and bring dinner back for you three."

"Movie!" the boys yelled, hugging Oz's legs.

"You're sure?" she asked.

"I'm sure. Go, have fun, and come back calm and with worn out kids. We may be getting to adopt two of the babies out."

"That'll be good," she said as she pulled her little leeches off his legs and got them started toward the apartment with a light swat to their butts. "You're sure?" she said quietly.

"We'd be doing the same thing at home," Oz assured her. "We've sent Henri home plenty of times because there wasn't anything for her to do, and it's never affected her paycheck yet. Oh, and it'll start being direct deposited in a month, once the bank has finished pushing the request through the system, so remind me sooner next time, okay?" He walked away, letting her go manhandle her boys into the car while he went back to cuddling with the Xander on the couch, watching Ray and Methos argue about their wedding.

***

Richard and Mariana walked in the held-open door, smiling down at the little boys playing with all the animals. "I didn't know you had children," he told Oz, who took his sports coat.

"We don't, they're the housekeeper's kids."

"We're babysitting while she gets a nap; they had a long afternoon out," Ray said, giving them a welcoming smile. "Hey, how ya doin'," he said with a wave. Then he put a possessive hand on Methos' thigh, making sure that the Xander knew he wasn't getting any of that tonight.

Xander grinned at him, then stuck his tongue out at his best friend.

"Keep it up and I'm going to lock you two in the bathroom together," Oz said as he walked over to sit next to his Xander. "So, sit. Let the master of adoptions talk to you."

"Why did she wait so long to adopt out her children? They must be at least four and would know about their real family, which would keep them from bonding with their new one," Mariana said as she sat next to her man.

"Ferrets, not children," Xander told her. "Two of our kits decided to adopt him."

"They are quite adorable," Richard agreed. "Are they always that cuddly?"

"That pair, yeah," Oz said, after thinking about it. He looked at Xander. "Is one of them the one that likes to snuggle up to butts in the middle of the night?"

"You let your animals sleep with you?" she asked.

"Why, yes, animals need comfort too," Xander said calmly, but his voice was starting towards snide. "The same as children would need to come in and sleep with their parents on occasion, the animals like to sneak in some nights and help us sleep."

"Most of them are pretty good about not getting in the way," Ray put in. "Except for that one time."

"I think she's spread that story around so that none of the other kits do the same thing," Methos said, patting him on the knee, after prying the hand off his thigh. He looked at Richard. "You do look familiar," he noted. "Have we met before?"

"A few times," Richard said with great humor, "but I always erased our contacts from everyone. That's why I'm not in the database." He smiled at Xander. "The young one you've chosen to train has quite an interesting style, Methos. Did you have a hand in it?"

"No, not a bit," Methos said with a smile for Xander. "He learned that all on his own while he was across a realmal boundary. That and how to be a merciless tease."

"I don't tease you," Xander told him. "I always come through on my promises."

"Only for us, you tease everyone else," Oz told him, patting him on the hand he held. "So, are you willing to protect the ferrets with your life?" he asked.

"With my life?" Richard asked, looking confused. "Is that really necessary?"

"Yeah, one'a the ferret babies kept Xander from being kidnaped," Ray explained.

"Did not," Xander said hotly. "No one's tried to take me in *months*."

"Why do people try to take you?" Richard asked.

"Because he's him and a supreme tease," Ray told him.

"Or to try and get at us," Methos added. "But Oz was correct in asking, the same as I would like to know, if you'd be able to help us when Xander's taken the next time."

"Hey!" Xander protested.

"Shh," Oz said, kissing the back of his hand. "It's better to have a posse. The last few attempts have been more organized instead of just being a stupid immie who only wanted someone's head."

"I can get out of that situation by myself," Xander said, glaring at his husband. "As I've proven. I beat MacLeod once, and everyone else that came after me since I learned how to fight. Someone even took me and you didn't notice because I came back so quickly." He stopped when he realized what he'd just said and that everyone was looking at him. He wisely pressed his lips together before they could get him in any more trouble.

"Would that be the one from *months* ago?" Methos asked. "I wasn't aware of any attempt then."

"No, that one the ferret scared off," Ray told him. "It was about two weeks after the one I got for him."

"I could have handled it," Xander said, starting to sound petulant.

"Why do people want him so much?" Richard asked Oz.

"Because he's got a pheromone base that attracts uncontrolled people," Oz explained. "It used to be just demons and the like; now it's mutated into people too. It's one of the reasons we stay home so much."

Richard thought about that as he looked Xander over. "Then you have my word, I'll help you protect Xander and take him back if necessary." Methos and Oz both smiled at him for that. "Knowing what I do about your bond, I'd be surprised if anyone who took him lived to regret it."

"A few haven't," Oz agreed. "A few have."

"One decided he'd rather go play naked on a freeway," Ray said, smirking at Xander. "I scared him enough that he ran onto one."

"I'm not helpless," Xander sighed. "I'm just as well trained as probably everyone in here. Protect Ray, he can't use a sword."

"Yeah, but I'll fight dirty. You've still got the whole 'honor' thing going on," Ray complained. "He won't even carry a concealed knife."

"People tend to search me when I'm taken," Xander said dryly. "Unless I'm going to start hiding it up my ass, it won't stay concealed and won't do me any good."

"We used to rely on Jace for backup," Oz told Richard, "but ...." he sighed.

"Since she lost and passed on her job to your Xander, you haven't had anyone else to rely on?" Richard suggested gently.

"We've got Richie, Steve, and Danny," Xander pointed out.

"All of whom are under a century," Richard reminded him. "Some forms of cunning and fighting are best learned after you've passed your first millennium."

"Very true," Methos agreed, smiling at Xander. "Now we won't have to worry about our imp being taken by him, and we've gained a valuable ally for the next time we have to fight to get you back."

"No one's tried to kidnap me in a while," Xander pouted.

"I know," Oz soothed, pulling Xander into his lap, "but it'll happen. We know it will. Your hormones are still swinging."

"And you don't wear a lot of clothes when you're out places like the beach," Ray reminded him. "I was worried about those three guys that were starin' at your butt."

"They were admiring," Xander complained. "I like it when people like the way I look. I work hard to look this good."

"And it should be appreciated," Oz agreed, "but people want what they think they deserve, and I'm not losing you to someone who thinks that they deserve a man with the body of a god." He patted the firm stomach. "You're mine, and they're going to pay for it if they touch you."

"The only people who've touched me were the ones who copped a feel the other night on the dance floor, and you guys," Xander complained.

"But there were people watching you," Methos pointed out reasonably. "Ray and I both spotted people who were doing more than admiring your style." Oz glared at him. "We kept an eye on them."

"It was at the second club," Ray told him. "Those skanky guys up on the balcony that kept pointing down at him. They're the sort cops are told to watch out for at places like bus stations because they take in runaways for whoring operations."

"Thank you for not telling me that while we were there," Oz said quietly, holding tightly to his Xander. "I'd hate to have been arrested."

"We'd all like to stay out of the notice of the local authorities," Methos agreed. "I had enough of that sort of attention when I was around Mac."

"He did draw it," Oz agreed. Ray shuddered. "Cold?"

"No, bad thoughts," Ray said quietly. "We've been living in Sunnydale so long that I forgot how intense big city cops can be."

"Miami's force can be quite intense," Richard agreed, "but they're also overloaded. As long as it's not a murder or a major robbery, there shouldn't be much to bring you to their attention."

"Ray used to be on the force in Chicago," Xander told him. "And in Sunnydale."

"Yeah, Sunnydale was more about ignoring the strange stuff than dealin' with it," Ray said. "I was their only detective for almost my whole time there."

"How did you find the Hellmouth?" Richard asked Xander.

"I was born there," Xander told him. "Oz joined us when we were in high school."

"Junior high. My ninth grade year was your eighth," Oz corrected.

"Dying that young must suck," Mariana said.

"Usually," Oz agreed. "Fortunately, I look old enough to at least pass for eighteen or twenty. It helps when you don't have to do high school every few years."

"I never really thought about that," Xander said, getting comfortable on Oz's lap. "What happens to the guys who die during their early or mid teens?"

"As far as I know there aren't any," Methos told him.

"There was a young man of about eight," Richard corrected gently. "He was a hunter though. Preyed on the immortals who'd help him. He was well over eight hundred when someone finally took his head."

"Kenny?" Methos asked. Richard nodded. "Mac took him in for a bit; I remembered that part of the story." He looked over at Xander, who was starting to doze off. "It looks like someone's getting sick," he said quietly.

"I'm fine," Xander said sleepily. "Didn't get much rest last night."

"Why don't you go take a nap, and we'll wake you up for dinner?" Oz suggested, letting Ray take his husband back to their bedroom. "Sorry, he had a family crisis last night."

"Is he close with his family?" Mariana asked.

"With the one who adopted him, which he found about ten years ago, yes. With his biological one, not hardly. His biological father tried to blackmail him into paying off his gambling debts when he found out Xander had money."

"Angel's been keeping track of both his biological parents for him," Ray reminded Oz. "His father's out of jail now, Xander heard that news the other day. He thinks the old man's gonna do something to try and get some more of his money, somethin' like suing him."

"I'll go over his will with him tomorrow," Methos told Oz. "We'd better be prepared in case he does try something along those lines."

"Xander won't want to fight," Oz agreed. "Can we find a way to check it out? Maybe head them off at the pass so to speak?"

"I'll talk with Angel tomorrow," Ray agreed. "Maybe he knows what's up with him." He shifted to look over his shoulder when he heard someone coming down the back stairs. "Hey, D'Nalia, they've been perfect little...." He looked at the floor. "Where're the boys?"

"Damned if I know," Oz said with a shrug. "We'll go find them," he said to the frowning mother, heading downstairs. The boys often liked to play in front of the big mirror in the practice area. "Ah-ha," he crowed, grabbing Ian from where he was hiding, carrying him the rest of the way down. "Where's your brother?"

"We're hiding," Ian pouted.

"Well, your mother's up and I'm sure she thinks you're hungry."

"Sean, food!" Ian called, bringing his brother running.

"Stop," Oz said, sitting down and pulling Sean closer. "Sean, you know you're not supposed to be near the forge. It's very dangerous to play near it, or even get near it. You may not go near the forge again, not even to hide in that closet. Got it?" The little boy nodded, looking upset. "Now go upstairs, I think your mother's ordering pizza tonight." He let the boys go, watching as they ran up the stairs, and sighing. "That could have been bad," he told himself, heading up and running into their mother. "Sean was hiding in the closet next to the forge. I reminded him that he wasn't allowed in there," he said at her angry look.

"Thank you. I heard." She glanced around. "I'd appreciate being able to do that myself though."

"Okay, next time I'll carry him up and let you deal with it," he said easily. He gave her a smile. "See, we're not hard to get along with."

"No, you're not," she said, calming herself. "Thank you though. I'll reinforce that lecture tonight. That and the 'you don't touch the weapons' one." She squeezed him on the arm. "We're going to order pizza."

"I cooked. We're having veggie lasagna." She smiled at that. "I'll try and save you a piece for lunch tomorrow." He headed for the kitchen, checking on dinner and the wine he had chilling. "Almost ready," he said as he rejoined the adults in the living room.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Richard asked.

"Nah, we've got it," Oz told him with a wave of his hand. "Ray did the whole table earlier." He watched as D'Nalia grabbed a ferret off of the table and took the glass of water it'd been drinking out of away.

Mariana looked over her shoulder at the table. "I see your dogs are already begging," she said when she saw two of them curled up under the chairs.

"They like to watch the sunset and the shifting of the shadows," Oz told her. "That's one of the better views inside the house. Meth, can you please go check on the animals' water situation? I forgot to do it earlier."

"Of course. Would you like to check on the animals with me?" he offered to Richard. He got a nod so they walked back together.

"So, Mariana, what country are you originally from?"

"It's presently in Albania," she told him. "It used to be part of Ancient Greece."

"You're about my age then?"

"A little older," she said with a faint, catty smile. "What were you when you were mortal?"

"A very pissed-off temple guardian," he said easily. "I always wanted to be a craftsman."

"In what area?"

"Back then, pottery. Now, I do more in the weaving area. Not for Xander to work with, I hate working with fabric quality threads; they're too small when you hand-weave."

"You've kept up with the old skills?"

He nodded. "I was taught to weave in the Middle East, in Persia. I've often found the action soothing. By the way, if you try and fuck with Methos or Xander, or even Ray, I will come after you. This is the only warning you'll get. I may not *like* to fight, but I will to protect my pack."

"Pack?" she asked with a cattier smile. "What are you, a dog?"

"Werewolf actually," he said, shifting again. "Got bitten a few months after I met Xander." Her mouth opened. "Bout of low quickening. I've kept some of the more...possessive qualities. It goes very well with my berserker tendencies."

She nodded. "I understand. I wouldn't dream of coming near your Xander. He's much too femme for my tastes."

"Really? I've found that Xander's actually one of the butcher men I know. How many men do you know can work a forge to make weapons, or jewelry?"

"He can?" she asked, starting to fidget.

Oz nodded. "Yeah, that was something else he learned while we were off-realm. He's much better at the intricate details than he is the gross force of pounding out a sword, but I've seen him do it before. Like I said, don't mess with *any* of us, Mariana. I'm not the one you should fear, that's Xander." He stood up. "Want to come open the bottle of wine?" he asked since the other voices were heading back down the hallway.

"Richard does all that in our house," she said, leaning back so she could pretend to be comfortable.

"This is an excellent floor plan," Richard congratulated as he walked back towards them. "Very well planned...with the excess space cunningly hidden by the animals."

Oz chuckled. "Thanks. Xander did the decorating, I just wrote out the checks." He nodded at the kitchen. "Mariana said that you opened the wine in your house. Want to do it here?"

"If you'd like," Richard said, following him. "I heard," he said once they were inside. "Though I do agree."

"I thought that, with the way things have gone so far, that it'd be a good idea to set that limit right away," Oz told him. "Have you noticed she's been giving Methos sideways looks?"

Richard shook his head as he pulled out the two bottles of wine. "No, I hadn't. Thank you for pointing that out. One or two?"

"One. We're not heavy drinkers. So, would you still like those two?"

"Yes, I think I would. They're adorable." Richard effortlessly opened the bottle of wine and set it out of the way so it could breathe while Oz pulled out the lasagna and let it cool. "Vegetarian?"

"It's the only way we can get Xander to eat spinach," Oz said lightly, giving him a grin. "He's not a picky eater, he's a stubborn eater. He thinks the green stuff's just an herb combination or some sort of pesto sauce."

Richard laughed. "I can see how it might be challenging to get him to try new things."

"Only if you tell him what's in it," Oz agreed. He checked his watch.

"Let me take that out there for you; you go wake him up." Richard picked up the oven mitts and carried the hot pan out to the table.

Oz headed back to the bedroom, smiling at the picture of innocence that his lover made. How ironic that was. He walked over and sat beside the barely covered lump, tapping him gently on the forehead. "Supper time," he said quietly.

"Want sex," Xander muttered as he rolled onto his side. "Go ahead. I'll just lay here this time."

"As thrilling as that thought is," Methos said as he walked in, "I think it's time you woke up, imp. You've got to play host at dinner."

"Dinner?"

"Dinner with Richard and his woman so you can see if they can have the ferret babies?" Methos reminded him.

"Oh, yeah. Wake me when it's time," Xander said through a yawn, covering himself back up again.

"It's time now," Methos said, starting to lose patience.

Oz grabbed his hand. "It's okay. I had a talk with her, and with Richard, about how she was acting toward you and Ray. I warned her off."

"Good." Methos got free and sat behind Xander, touching him on the side. "Xander does mean a lot to me, but I will kill over her hurting Ray, even if Xander gets in the way."

Oz snorted. "He won't get in your way; he'll wear her out so you don't have to break a sweat."

"Who threatened Ray?" Xander mumbled.

"It's nothing, little one," Methos soothed. "She understood?" Oz nodded. "Good. Xander, you have to get up now and come eat. We'll let you go to bed early tonight."

"Why?" he whined. "I'm sleepy!" he complained as he pulled the blanket over his head.

"Yo, Xan, get up," Ray said from the doorway. "We can't eat until you get out here." Xander's head appeared and a glare was sent toward Ray. "What?"

"He's still half-asleep," Oz sighed.

"Oh, that." Ray shrugged as he walked in and leaned down, kissing Xander hard and long. When he pulled back, Xander had his eyes closed but he was smiling. "Come eat. We can't eat without you."

"Yes, dear," Xander sighed, allowing himself to be helped up and led into the bathroom by Methos.

Oz pulled Ray close and gave him a hug. "I knew I should have tried the practical approach. Good job." He kissed him on the side of the face. "Come on. Let's go eat."

"Okay. I'm looking forward to this." Ray grinned at him. "And if she gives that look again, I get to kill her, right?"

"Definitely," Oz agreed. "Right after you get Xander out of the way."

"Sure, I'll even let him help me." Ray walked out, leading Oz out by his hand. "We're here," he said, "and Xander's up. They'll be out in a minute." He saw the look Richard gave them and grinned. "We're the best of friends. It's been many times that I've had to fill in for Xander."

"Not," Xander joked as he walked in. "Oz just likes to borrow you for certain things." He grinned at Ray and gave him a kiss on the cheek too. "Thank you for getting me up, I wouldn't want to miss one of Oz's lasagna dinners." He took his seat and looked around the table. "Everything out? Bread?" he asked, looking at Oz.

"I've got it," Methos called, bringing out a basket of bread, and the knife since not all of it had been cut. "Everything's here." He sat down too and looked at Xander.

"Then let's eat," Xander reminded them, picking up his wine to sip.

Oz cut the first row and handed them out to the guests first, letting Methos pass everything else.

***

Mariana took her jacket from Ray, giving him a smile. "Don't worry about your man so much," she soothed in a near whisper next to his ear. "Once you're gone, I'll see to it that he's got a good woman to go to for soothing his grief." She smirked as she walked out.

Methos grabbed Ray and kept him from going after her, giving Richard a smile when he caught them. "Maybe you should put a governor on her mouth," he suggested kindly.

"She's mine!" Ray said, still struggling.

"I'll talk with her," Richard agreed, stepping in front of Ray. "You have my word, young Ray, that if she comes near Methos or tries to do anything to him, you can have the first fight. Until then, please keep it civil."

"I will if she never comes back," Ray told him.

"I'll remember to leave her at home in the future." He looked down at his new friends. "Xander, I hope this hasn't...."

"Just protect them from her," Xander said simply. "And if she tries, I get second fight. I have no problem taking quickenings from Oz."

Richard swallowed hard. "I heard that you'd taken Jace's quickening. I'm glad that you're strong enough to handle your duties."

"Oh, I am, and I'm practicing to become the king of mind fucks."

Richard laughed lightly. "Good, I think she could use something of that sort. Please remember I had nothing to do with it?"

"Sure, you had nothing to do with it. It's all her wanting our Methos. Just protect my babies and I'll see you in three weeks when they go in for a checkup and shots."

"I'll be over in a few days to talk to you all about the bonding spell," Richard corrected. "I'll leave Mariana at home though." He bowed to Oz. "As always, an interesting discussion. Thank you for the wonderful dinner." He and his babies, in their cage with their supplies in a bag, left.

Oz shut the door and looked at Xander. "You'd kill her for Ray?" he asked his husband.

"Definitely. Methos is Ray's and not the skanky ho's. I don't care how long she's had a crush on him, she can go fuck herself with one of those ancient steam-powered vibrators." He walked downstairs and went to pound out his aggression.

"Steam powered?" Ray asked his mate, giving him a smile. "Wouldn't that hurt?"

"Probably, but the first vibrators used in medical practice were steam driven."

"Think of it like a steam-driven train," Oz offered. "There was a reason why women went to the doctor's every week when they came out." He took Ray's other arm and they went to go lounge in front of the TV. It was time for Leno, and he was still making jokes about the head of Xander's hate group wearing jewelry made by Xander.

That Old Spoiling Mood.

Giles opened the package slowly, not sure what it would contain. It was from the house in Sunnydale, so it was from his husbands, but that didn't mean it was a present. Inside he found...a book? He pulled it out to read the back cover, but all it contained were reviews. He glanced at the author. "Xander's newest one," he said, giving the book a fond smile. "It is a present." He settled into his desk chair, opening it to read. After a few pages, he started to sweat. It was him, someone had sent the book to him as a warning. The further he got into it, the more sure he was that he was in very bad danger of being lost to the world. He finally tossed the book aside, not able to read any more of the revenge-oriented story. He shuddered and turned his attention back to his work. The resort would be lost without his careful management.

He could give someone the book later, he was sure at least one person on his staff read things like that. They wouldn't even know it was another torment meant for him.

***

Xander screamed in joy as he opened his package with his third book. "It's here!" he yelled, running out to the living room, where Oz and Richard were playing their never ending game of chess. "It came! It came!" He handed it to Oz, who pulled him down into his lap for a hug.

"What's that?" Richard asked.

"His third book," Oz said, handing it over. "It's his way of working out his darkness."

Richard stared at the cover, which had the outline of someone hanging in chains, with their hands over their heads, and the shiny knife reflecting light toward them. "My, it looks interesting," he noted.

"We only got six copies this time," Xander told him. "You can borrow that one, but you might want to read the first one first. It's much lighter."

"Yeah, this one is a bit more cruel," Oz agreed, patting Xander on the butt. "Did Henri forward it?"

Xander nodded. "I figured that she kept at least one of the copies for herself. She likes them," he told Richard. "D'Nalia occasionally reads bits and pieces for me, but I'm not sure if she's ever read the whole thing."

"I think that's a parent thing," Oz told him. "I don't think many parents get to read much that doesn't go directly toward their children's ears. Which your books aren't suited for." He pinched Xander's butt. "Let me move and then we'll go fix lunch."

"Okay." Xander headed downstairs, going to take his happiness out on his forge. It was a good way to wear out any emotion. He'd be on a more even keel in a few minutes.

Oz shook his head and pointed at the chess board. "You sure you want me to do this?" he asked.

"Go ahead. It will tie us for games won," Richard said with a smile. "I can borrow this one?"

"Yeah, but it's real dark," Oz warned. "He worked out a lot of frustration in that one."

"I think it's an excellent idea," Richard said, giving him a pleased smile. "It's much better than getting into bar brawls or any of the many other ways he could harm others."

"Good point. At least this way, the pain is only hypothetical. I'd hate to be the guy in this one though." He shuddered. "I had a hard time editing it for him."

"I might like it," Richard said, putting it into his pocket. "We'll see." He looked at the board. "Are you going to move?"

"Okay, your funeral," Oz said, moving his queen. "Checkmate. That makes us tied, sixteen games all."

"Yes, a good game," Richard said, clapping his hands together. "How may I help with lunch?"

"You get to fix the salad," Oz said, standing up and heading into the kitchen. "Xander, food?" he called.

"Please?"

"What did you want besides a salad?"

"Ham?"

"Okay." Oz shrugged and pulled out the bread. "I guess we're having sandwiches and salad."

"It's a well rounded meal," Richard reminded him. "Xander must have to watch his figure."

"Oh, yeah," Oz agreed, nodding as he sliced into the firm loaf. "Day old is all right, right?"

"Just fine," Richard said, getting into the refrigerator for the vegetables. "Should I leave off the dressing?"

"Yeah, leave off the dressing. Xander's becoming a picky eater again." Oz finished slicing the bread and started on the deli ham. He jumped as he heard a loud thump from downstairs. "Xander?" he called.

"Garage," came up the stairs. "Richie!"

"I guess we're having guests," Oz told Richard. "Richie was Mac's student but he's not a white knight like Mac was. He's pretty decent though." He looked over as he heard footsteps. "Hey, long trip?" he asked when he saw the worn look on the younger immortal's face.

"Yeah, long trip. Steve's working full time with Danny now, and I decided to take a long trip to try and forget him."

"One of the good things about our lives is that there's time to go after the ones we love again," Richard said wisely. "Especially if they're also immortals." He held out a hand. "Richard."

"Richie," he said, nodding at the food. "Let me go get clean." He headed for the back hall, finding the bathroom from Xander's directions.

Richard walked over to the sink, washing his hands again. "Did Xander give him an animal already?"

"Yup. Motocat. Wonder where he...." He watched as Rocky and Ray's smaller dog, Banger, headed for the bathroom. "I guess he's here after all." He cut some more bread, then finished building his husband's sandwich. "Xander? Food," he called.

"Coming. Give me a few." More banging came from the forge area.

"The salad's finished," Richard announced, taking it and his sandwich to the table. "What else can I do to help?"

"Open the two liter and pour some soda," Oz told him, as he finished building his own sandwich. He carried both of theirs out to the table, using the ranch dressing to finish his off. He took a bite, smiling and swallowing quickly when Xander came up the stairs with a new something. "What's that?" he asked, taking the still-warm piece of metal. "Huh, pretty," he said, handing it back.

"I wanted your opinion on the carving," Xander said as he sat down in front of what was obviously his plate. He dished himself up some salad and used the Italian dressing to finish off his sandwich. "I like this ham, we should get a lot of it this time," he noted. "When are we going shopping again?"

"I just went yesterday," Oz reminded him. "We won't need to go for a few more days." He smiled when he saw the twin redheaded boys trying to sneak into the kitchen. "Yours are on the counter," he told them.

"Boys!" D'Nalia yelled. "Get up here."

"I made extra sandwiches," Oz called up to her apartment. "They snuck down."

She came down and glared at the boys. "They're grounded. They're supposed to be cleaning their room, not eating good sandwiches." She patted Xander on the top of the head. "Don't spoil them too much please."

"We're not trying to," Oz told her. "I was expecting them to sneak down here for lunch, they usually do," he reminded her with a shrug. "Did the automatic payment work this time?"

"I was going to go shopping today and check that," she told him, sitting down at the table, letting her boys sit next to her and eat their sandwiches. "Thanks for this. This is the first time they've been good all day."

"Hey, not a big," Oz told her. "We like the boys. It reminds me why I only ever wanted to babysit," he said with a smile.

She laughed. "I used to say that too," she sighed, patting her boys on the head. "But they're adorable little hellions."

"Can I spoil them soon?" Xander asked her, starting in on his begging routine.

"No."

"Please? I need to spoil someone and Oz won't let me spoil him."

"Nope, they're spoiled enough."

"Please?" he asked, turning up the power of his begging.

"No," she complained. "If you spoil them, then I'll never get them back under control."

"I'll call it their one day a year of brattiness," he offered. She shook her head. "Please?" he asked, turning up the power of his pout.

"Nope. One day of brattiness wouldn't keep the rest of them at bay. No spoiling of the children."

"But I'll make them promise to be good for a week," he offered.

"No," she said, looking him directly in the eyes. "No spoiling of my children; they'll become insufferable. No buying them lots of toys. No buying them candy. No kidnapping them to go play in a playground." He gave her his best pout and her heart ached. "There should be a rental agency so people like you can get your kiddie fix," she sighed. "Boys, if Xander gives you presents, will you be good with them? And be good for the rest of the day at least?"

The boys looked at each other, then at her. "Toys?" they said in unison. She nodded. "We'll be good," they said together.

"Okay." She looked at Xander, who was giving her a brilliant smile. "Fine, whatever, I can always send them down here for you to deal with if they get too bad," she agreed.

Xander gave her a hard hug. "I knew you'd like the afternoon off." He finished his lunch and looked at the boys. "Hurry up and we'll go shopping," he promised. The twins shoved the rest of their food in their mouths, having to keep them open to chew it all.

"Don't choke," their mother warned. Both boys obediently swallowed and opened their mouths, showing their mother that they'd eaten it all. "Okay. No noisy toys, Xander."

"Nope, but we'll get to go pick out toys for the animals," he promised the boys. "Go get your jackets and shoes."

"No noisy toys, Xander," Oz told him. "I will hide them all."

"Yes, dear," Xander said happily, holding out his hand. "Cards?"

"Cards," Oz sighed, pulling out his wallet and handed over one of the bank cards. "The checkbook's in the bedroom." He shook his head when Xander whooped and ran off. "I know we're going to suffer for this one," he told their housekeeper. "It's been too long since he went the last time."

"What about his fabric?" Richie asked.

"He's threatening to go back to his store in LA to get it," Oz said, finishing off his sandwich. "He's searched the ones here, and he's not comfy with them. He's going to fly back day after tomorrow and have them all shipped here."

"Gee, more boxes?" D'Nalia asked. "He'll never get everything unpacked."

"He'll have them delivered and dragged in through the garage," Xander said as he passed them, waving his keys. "I've got the keys for the sedan, it's still got the extra car seats in the back." He whistled, bringing the boys running. "Come on," he said happily. "Let's go have *fun*!" He led them out and every adult in the house sighed.

"At least it's not us. The kids will be able to keep up with him," D'Nalia said, giving Oz a smile.

"I can finally clean the bedroom," Oz agreed. He looked at their guests. "Go amuse yourselves, we'll be done in an hour." He headed for the bedroom and D'Nalia headed upstairs to clean her apartment - something that was very hard to do with children underfoot.

Richie smiled at Richard. "So, lived here long?"

"Yes, actually. I've lived in the area for nearly fifty years now." He ran a hand through his hair. "I like this area of Florida, it reminds me of home."

"I'm a street kid from Seacouver; this is *far* from home," Richie said, still grinning. "Have you seen my cat?"

"She was playing with the dogs."

"Cool." Richie got up, taking his, Oz's, and Xander's plates into the kitchen. "Were you playing chess?" Richard nodded. "Want to play? I'm just learning, but Steve said I have a good eye for strategy, as long as it's not about money."

"Many people have that same problem," Richard agreed, nodding at the living room. "Come on. I'll set up the board while you clear the table."

***

Xander stopped in the mall's entryway and looked down at the boys, who he had insisted hold his hands. "All right, we'll go to the pet toystore first, then one for you guys, OK?" They cheered. "We've got to get the animals lots of fun things." Ian got free and started to run. "Freeze!" he shouted, and the little boy froze, staring at him in shock. "I told you to hold my hand," he said as he walked toward him with his brother. "Now," he said, taking the little, held-out hand, "we'll go and you'll stay with me." They walked into the big chain petstore, grabbing a cart for the boys. "In you get," he said, putting them both into it. "Where to first? Dogs or cats?"

"Dogs," the boys yelled, ignoring the other adults who were staring at them.

Xander smiled and wheeled them that way, making 'zoom' noises as he headed down the aisles. "Here we are," he announced, waving a hand at all the toys. "Let's see. Should the dogs get some chew toys?" he asked, and the boys cheered, so he added some of the chew toys to the cart. "What else?"

"Squeaky stuff," Ian shouted, pointing at it.

A woman walking past smiled at Xander. "What cute boys you have," she said, waving at the twins.

"I'm babysitting. Their mother's my housekeeper, and she needed a day off. We're shopping for all our animals, huh, guys."

"Yup," Sean said, smiling at the woman. "We have lots of animals."

"Whole lots," Xander agreed, patting him on the head. "We'll get kitty and ferret toys in a few minutes. What sort of squeaky stuff, Ian?"

"Balls," Ian said, pointing, no longer pouting because he wasn't the center of attention. "And newspapers."

"We can do that," Xander agreed, tossing a few different choices in the cart. "Your turn, Sean, what next?"

"Tug and talk," Sean demanded, smiling at the woman's back as she moved on. "And one of the stuffed animals. They need teddy bears too."

"Okay," Xander agreed, tossing a few more things into the cart with the boys. "What else?"

"Jingle balls," Ian said, pointing at a plushy with the jingle toy tag. "Try it?"

"Sure." Xander handed it over, letting the boys pass it back and forth to try it out. "Good enough for the animals?"

"We want one too!" Sean demanded. "This is fun."

"Okay." Xander grabbed a few more and tossed them into the cart too. "Now what?"

"Flashy ball," Sean said, pointing at the display. "That one. The blue one."

"And the football," Ian demanded.

Xander picked that package up carefully, looking it over. "Guys, we can't get this one," Xander said, putting it back onto it's rack. He looked at the pouting little boys. "See, I have an allergy to the stuff that those toys are made from. If I touch them, then I can get *really* sick, okay? So none of those."

The boys nodded. "Okay," they said together. "But we want a rope toy," Sean told him.

"Sure, we can get a tug rope. A talking one or a plain one?"

"Both," the boys said together.

"Good job," Xander said, tossing in the requested ropes and two packages of tennis balls. "Oh, treat dispensing," he said, grabbing one of each. Someone would be happy tonight. "Okay, onto the cats," he said, making the 'zoom'ing sound again as he pushed the heavy cart to the cat toys.

***

Oz looked over at D'Nalia, who was watching their chess game. "Do you think he's loaded up the car yet?"

"Probably not. He's probably still in the pet store with the boys. They've got to be demanding some toys for them too."

"Maybe," Oz agreed. "I hope he remembers he's supposed to be getting cat food. We're out."

"I'm sure he'll figure that out, he's the one who did the morning feeding."

"Point," Oz agreed, looking down at the board. "Still studying?"

"Just wondering what Xander is getting besides pet and child toys," Richard admitted as he made his move.

Oz snickered. "You have *no* idea," he told the older immortal. "He's come home before with his sports car *full*. No room for one more toy, human or animal."

D'Nalia smiled. "I wondered where all those toys in the chest came from."

"All from one shopping trip. He was *bored*," Oz told her.

"I'll remember that," she said, looking dismayed. "Was that what this was?"

"Nah. This was a wanting to spoil someone thing. He likes to spoil others. I have no doubt that the boys aren't going near an adult bookstore." He made his move, but hesitated and put that knight back, moving the one on the other side. "Your turn." He leaned back, smiling at their housekeeper. "Why aren't you relaxing in a tub or something?"

She smiled. "You don't pay me for that."

"We pay you even if you're having sex upstairs," he reminded her. "Go use our tub and be decadent. It'll keep Xander from using it later."

"Try the body tea, as Xander called it," Richard offered. "I believe he put it in the wardrobe in there." He looked at Oz. "Does he often use such unusual furniture in places like the bathroom?"

"Not really. How much of that do you use anyway?"

"A small pinch is more than sufficient," Richard told them. "It's very soothing. It even soothes Mariana's nerves. I put her in a bath the night that we left and she quit hissing at Ray." He gave Oz a wry look. "It seems she wants Methos for herself."

"Over our dead body," Oz said.

"I'm going to go bathe," she announced, heading for their bathroom. "If I'm not already out, tell Xander that I will be inspecting the toys when they come back."

"Okay," Oz called. "We'll bring you a snack in a few minutes."

"I'll get it," she called back, coming back to the kitchen to make herself a snack. "Wouldn't want to traumatize you," she said with a wink to her boss before going back to the bathroom.

Oz shook his head. "This is not what I had planned for the day." He looked out at the porch, where the rain had just started to get harder. "Today I expected to spend the day in bed with Xander, listening to him talk about his next story."

"Why won't he write more pornography?" Richard asked, making his move. "Your turn."

"Because I refused to edit it for him," Oz said dryly. "It got too hard to read it and not jump the Xander. Meth has the same problem with his darker stuff, but Ray demanded that Xander take care of Meth if it is his book's fault. It seems last time he got worn out," he finished with a grin. "So did I if I remember right."

"You four have a good relationship," Richard said, smiling at him. "I'm happy that you've found contentment, especially with people who can protect themselves and you."

"Yeah, I'm really happy too," Oz admitted, looking at the board. "Which one did you move?"

"That one," Richard said, touching the top of a pawn. "It's still your turn."

"Okay," Oz said, moving his queen and taking the remaining knight on Richard's side. "Yours." He looked out the window. "I hope he remembers how to drive on wet roads. He doesn't drive very often," he said quietly.

"Why?"

"Because he doesn't like to drive. He likes it when other people drive, that way he can concentrate on other things, like the discussion. He can do both, but he likes to give his whole attention to driving."

"And the twins will be doing what?"

"Probably playing. Hopefully fairly quietly." Oz glanced down the hall. "I'm sure they're fine. The pet store is in a mall with a bookstore and a few toy stores. They could still be inside."

"They could be," Richard agreed, thinking that the boy had to talk about this, it sounded a lot like a trauma reaction.

***

Xander glanced out at the rainy sky and shuddered. "How about some pizza, guys? I don't like to drive in the rain."

"Okay," the boys said, reading their books. "'Shroom and 'roni?" Ian asked.

"Yup, we can do that," Xander agreed, steering them toward the food court. He kept the boys in sight as he ordered, taking their tray over to the table and sitting down with them. "Pizza," he announced, getting up to grab napkins. He turned around, and the boys had divvied up all three plates between them, leaving him to get another few slices for himself. He came back to the table and grabbed the boys' books, putting them aside on a chair. "Eat," he told them. "The rain should be done soon, and then we can go home so you can show your mother all your new stories that she'll help you read."

"Cool," Sean said, digging into his pilfered slice of pizza. "Thank you, Uncle Xander, you're really nice."

"You're welcome," Xander said, giving them a smile. He noticed a guard coming toward them and wiped his hands and mouth, nodding at the man. "Was there a problem?" he asked.

"Just admiring the boys," the guard said. "They're cute."

"I'm babysitting and spoiling them," Xander told him. "Has it quit raining yet?"

"It's started to slow down. Be careful when you go home; the east entrance just had a wreck." He kept going, heading for one of the food booths.

"Remind me of that, okay, guys?" They grunted as they stuffed themselves. "Okay, let's finish up and go home, beat the rain, huh." The boys ate faster, helping him with his meal too. "Let's go." He grabbed their hands, and the few remaining bags, letting them grab their books, and left, not noticing the fallen wallet.

It was Sean that noticed it and went back to get it, smiling at the woman starting to sit down. "'Scuse me, I need to get that," he said, grabbing the wallet and taking it back to his uncle. "You dropped this."

Xander checked the ID to make sure it was his, then smiled at the young boy. "Thank you, Sean. How about we stop and get fast food for dinner?"

"Okay," the boys said together, dragging their uncle out to his car.

***

D'Nalia walked up the stairs, following her boys. "What did you get?" she asked, glaring at Xander when the first noisy toy was removed from a bag. "Isn't that a dog toy?"

"We liked it," Ian defended.

She shook her head, letting Xander slip away. She'd yell at him tomorrow, after she removed all the batteries and hid them.

Xander walked down the stairs, sliding into Oz's lap for a kiss. "We had a good time."

"Good," Oz said, pushing Xander off and into his chair. "Did you save room for dinner?"

"Yup. I only got a few bites of my pizza. The boys stole the rest." He grinned at Richie. "I even got more animal toys. Want to help me unpack them?"

"Sure," Richie sighed. "How many?"

"Just toys. Some for each type of animal." He shrugged. "Oh, Oz, the shopping account is empty."

"I noticed," Oz said, looking at the bags piled in the living room. He snorted when he saw a ferret baby trying to get into one. "You might want to get something unpacked now." Richie handed over his knife and Xander left for the living room. "How did he do that?" Oz muttered.

"Easy. And the cat food's in the car," Xander called back. "It only had about four hundred in it. We spent two of that in the bookstore. The boys actually decided to go to the bookstore instead of the toy store." He pulled out the tennis balls and uncapped them, sending three of them around the room, drawing out hidden ferrets and cats. Then he grabbed some of the loose catnip and spread it around in a big circle, and the rest of the cats migrated, except for Fluffy, Methos' cat. She didn't like catnip. It didn't affect her normally, it made her sneeze. He grabbed another bag, pulling out the new bag of chew stuff, tossing a few of them away from the catnip. The dogs in the room barked, coming over to investigate. One ferret baby squeaked up at him, pushing a ball toward him. "Do you want to play?" he asked, giving the ferret a toothless smile, teeth tended to scare them. He pushed the ball, watching as the ferret scampered off, catching it and playing with it before bringing it back. "Oh, fetch," he said happily.

"Xander, why are you teaching a ferret to play fetch?" Oz asked from the table.

"She picked it up without my tempting her," Xander defended. Methos hated it when the cats played fetch, he kept saying it was unnatural. Maybe he'd feel better about a ferret doing it. He rolled the ball again, smiling as the ferret ran off to chase it. "Coming," he said when he saw Oz get up to get dinner. He grabbed the ball again and sent it down the hall, then walked over to his seat.

Oz shook his head as the ferret pushed the ball over during dinner, reaching down to toss the ball back into the living room. "Not during dinner," he told the baby, who wiggled to get free to go chase her ball.

"I wonder if they'd do it with the fuzzy mice," Xander said thoughtfully.

D'Nalia came down the stairs at the groan, looking at the array of toys and the ferret bringing the ball back. "Want to play?" she asked, rolling the ball for it. "Xander, how much did you spend in the bookstore?"

"Not enough. There were a few more that they wanted." He smiled down at their housekeeper. "I like to spoil people, it makes me happy. If you complain about the books, I'm going to go back and buy them *all* for the boys."

She shook her head. "You're insane," she noted.

"Yup," he said, reaching down to grab the ball, sending it towards the couches. The ferret ran after it, squeaking at it to slow down.

The mother ferret, Jedi, climbed up into an empty chair and scolded her father.

"Huh, she agrees, no playing with the animals during dinner," Oz noted, looking at his husband.

"I'll play with her," D'Nalia sighed. "Such a chore." She caught the ball and rolled it again. "I can't go upstairs and feed the boys, they're stuffed."

"We had pizza," Xander agreed. "They ate mine."

"Then they brought home burgers," D'Nalia reminded him. "Which they're presently picking at."

"We brought one home for you too," Xander offered, giving her a smile. "Thank you for letting me spoil them."

She leaned over and patted him on the arm. "You're welcome, but those talking ropes and Jedi toys are coming down here to stay." She caught the ball and bounced it away, smiling as the baby squealed and ran after it.

Jedi squeaked some more, then crawled into Xander's lap, nuzzling his hand. "Oh, do you want to play?" he cooed, grabbing the tennis ball and tossing it for her.

"No animals at the table," Oz ordered. "They can play in a few minutes."

Xander got down on the floor to play with his babies. He and D'Nalia sat together, both throwing the balls for their ferrets.

Oz shook his head and sighed, handing Xander down his plate. "Never again," he warned. "You need to eat too."

Xander grinned at his husband. "Thanks, dear. Oh, and I talked to Henri. She said she sent Giles a book too."

Oz winced. "Ow," he said finally. "He's already paranoid."

"But maybe he'll get the point," Xander suggested, looking a little happier. "And maybe he'll think that I'm going to enact some of it for going with the pros."

"He slept with paid help?" D'Nalia asked.

"Yup. It seems his powers had to come out somewhere so he cheated. And he paid for it too," Oz told her. "He admitted it."

"I'd kick his ass," she said plainly. "None of the fancy stuff Xander likes to write out, just a good old-fashioned ass kicking with the divorce papers tossed onto his heaving chest at the end."

"We can't be divorced without some higher interference," Oz told her. She shrugged. "No, our marriage was literally sanctified by Cupid, God of Love."

"And a few others," Xander added. "He wasn't always like this, it all started when he ran away to be trained." He ate a bite of dinner, sharing some of the stuffing with his baby. Then he threw the ball again, making her squeal. "I'm wondering what really happened to him on that roof."

"It might have been related," Oz said carefully, "but you can't blame it all on that."

"Yes, I can," Xander countered. "He left to think, he came back odd, he stayed odd, and then, when he left to run the resort, he started to cheat on us. It all started around that time." He took another bite, then pointed at his husband with his fork. "His quickening even felt funny when we did that in Boston."

"It did," Oz said after some thought. "Oh, well. If he shows up, Richard has offered to take care of him and check him out for us."

"You really like him, huh," Xander said with a small smile.

"Yup, he's an interesting person who doesn't push his age on anyone. He actually seems to not like being so old. And he's never really played 'wiser older one' down to me. I can appreciate someone not talking down to me." He looked down at his husband. "Do you mind?"

"Nope, I like that you have friends again. It's good to see you having something outside the house that I made you hide in." He picked at his food. "I keep wondering if all my not wanting to go out into the world stuff is what drove Giles funny. I don't want to do that to you."

"Babe, I don't like going out and partying every night. Being a home body is good for me." He slid down to the floor, cuddling his Xander to his chest. "Trust me, I'm happy being at home. Giles was when he was himself. He never used to want to go out either. This wasn't you. This is something about Giles. Some of us just have to go funny for a while, before we can figure out what we really have and go back to beg for it."

"Trust me, Xander," Richie said quietly, staring down at the couple, "some immies go funny for a while but most of us come out of it with some help. It took Meth finding me and making me listen to what happened to Mac to save me from becoming a hunter. I went odd for nearly a year. It took a real friend with some very strong handcuffs to solve my problem, but it can be done if you want to. Giles will figure it out and come back. It was nothing you did. This wasn't trauma induced like mine was."

Xander handed Oz his plate and got up, giving their friend a hug. "I'm sorry Mac hurt you too," he whispered. "If you ever need it, we're here to shelter and help you." Richie started to stiffen so he let go and went back to his spot, narrowly missing a few of the ferrets, who were begging. "Hey, guys, want to go play?" he asked, waving the ball before bouncing it into the living room.

Richie looked at Oz, who shook his head. "Don't ask," he mouthed, then he got up and grabbed his plate to eat beside his husband. "This is stress relieving," he said after another round of throwing the ball for the overjoyed ferrets. "They're getting happy, we're getting mild exercise. They're getting mild exercise, which is pretty nice too. Even the vet agreed that they needed some more exercise."

"Did the ferret breeder call back yet?" Xander asked, taking a bite of his casserole. He caught the ball that was heading for his plate and tossed it, wincing as it bounced downstairs. "Um, I think someone needs to get that one. I doubt Jedi can carry that ball up the stairs."

"Let her try," Oz suggested. "If she can't, I'll go after it." He took a bite of his dinner, pushing away the little nose sniffing his plate. "Not for you. You've got ferret chow."

Xander smiled and made sucking noises, bringing the cat who thought it was a ferret and stole their food over. He fed her a small tidbit of meat, making her happily run away to eat it away from the others. "See, sometimes you have to give them a treat. It makes them happily run away and hide."

"Run away, run away," Richie mimicked.

"That's what we're doing tonight," Xander decided. "We will go rent movies and watch them together. Monty Python and what?" he asked their guest.

"I vote for an action film," D'Nalia put in, teasing the ferret baby with the ball. "Yes, you can have it," she said when the baby started to wander off, rolling it in front of the ferret's path, making it go running after it. "They don't do teasing very well."

"They've still got a short attention span," Xander agreed, nudging Oz to go get the ball for Jedi, who had come up without her ball. He waited until Oz was gone to look at their housekeeper. "Will you help me make a prezzie for Oz?" She shrugged. "It'll involve some cooking, and I know I can't do that very well."

"Sure," she agreed, patting him on the hand. "What are we making?"

"Fudge and cookie cocks and balls."

Richie choked. "'Scuse me?" he gasped.

"I found a mold to make penis and ball shaped stuff, a full mold, not just a side view one. I want to make Oz a cookie one and a fudge one."

D'Nalia shook her head. "I don't want to know why you're making these, do I?" He grinned. "Please, not with food, I might be sick. No, I will be sick," she decided.

"Nope, not for that. For his *birthday*," Xander said. "It'll be his cake, but I figured that cake wouldn't be stiff enough."

"Oh." She shook herself. "Okay. Do you have the molds?"

"Yup, they're in my closet. And we've got to hurry, Methos and Ray will be back tomorrow night. They promised to come back from the honeymoon in time for his birthday to give him spankings."

She laughed, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. "I'm more than ready to help you plan a naughty birthday for your honey." She caught the ball and rolled it again, sitting back up as Oz walked up the stairs. "We'll figure out the recipe tomorrow."

"Chocolate chip?" Xander suggested.

"With nuts?" Richie asked. He grinned at the shocked looks. "What?" he asked innocently.

"Definitely with nuts," she agreed, smiling at him. She looked at her partner in naughtiness. "We'll do it up right for him. Just an hour of shopping for supplies."

"I've got to get the other bank cards then. Our shopping account is empty."

"Why did you guys set it up that way?" Richie asked.

"It was Steve's idea. This way we have a set allowance for shopping."

"And what did we spend the rest of it on?" Oz asked as he came over.

"The house."

"I thought I gave you money for that," Oz said as he sat down, rolling the ball for D'Nalia. "I know I withdrew a lot of cash specifically for that purpose."

"You did?" Xander asked. "I thought that was a bonus for the girls."

"Did you give Henri that envelope?" D'Nalia asked. "I didn't get it."

Oz groaned. "All right, we'll take some money out of the checking account and have it moved over."

"Thank you, Oz," Xander said, kissing him on the cheek. "I love you."

"Love you too. What's on your mind now?"

"Book shopping. I didn't get to do hardly any at all today because I was watching the little guys. Do people come up to you and tell you how cute they are?" Xander asked the twins' mother.

"Yup," she said, nodding. "It seems to be an appreciation thing. How many?"

"Four. Two in the bookstore, one in the pet store, and a guard in the food court."

"Wow. We never got the attention of a guard before. Well, except for that orange incident," she amended, chewing on her bottom lip, "but that was a fluke."

"I think we've had one of those ourselves," Oz said, looking at Xander, who had collapsed a whole display of chips looking for a bag that wasn't smooshed, as he had told the security guards who had come running when the display had fallen. "Whole display?"

"Small grocer, tub of oranges stacked just higher than they were."

"Ah. Xander's was chips."

"And yours was cans of cranberry sauce," Xander countered.

Oz groaned. "That was an accident, I tripped."

"That's why three cans ended up in our cart?"

"Yup." Oz looked at D'Nalia. "Before he tells you anything, I don't want a birthday party. I don't like surprises."

"Okay," she said, giving him a smile.

He looked at her but she looked innocent so he couldn't say anything.

***

Xander carefully tied the bow on Oz's dessert present, smiling at Richard as he walked in. "Birthday boy's in the bathroom. He'll be right out." He stuck his tongue out at the bow that was refusing to cooperate. "Meany," he told it, fluffing it again. "There." He put the box into the refrigerator, then turned to hand their guest a can of soda. "How are the ferrets?"

"Very good. They've investigated everything in the house, found every hidden cubbyhole, and my bowling ball."

"Then they adjusted normally," Xander agreed happily. "Does *she* have a problem with them?"

"She's in Spain, working on something for her business," Richard said with a smile. "It was my anniversary present to her." He smiled at Oz as he walked out. "Ready for a rematch, old man?"

"Sure," Oz agreed, looking at Xander. "Where did you hide the presents?"

"What presents?" Xander asked innocently. "You said you didn't want anything for your birthday and that you'd spank me if I bought you something."

"Point, but I know you did."

Xander shook his head. "I'm a *good* boy, Oz, and I don't want spanked....today anyway," he added with a grin. "No presents. Want me to go find you one?"

Oz shook his head and headed out to the chess board. He started to sit so he could stare at the kitchen, but then he decided maybe it'd be good to be surprised this time. He set up the chessboard, waiting on Richard, who was watching Xander.

Xander had Richard tie the bow on the solid fudge cock and ball set, still smiling at the quiet whistle his creation had gotten. "It's a mold," he whispered as he put that box back into the refrigerator. "I'll let you borrow it if you want." He headed into the bedroom to wrap Oz's other presents.

Richard was still smiling when he walked out to start this game of chess. "You'll like it," he promised. "It's a very Xander thing to give you."

"It's made of metal and jewels?" Oz asked.

Richard just smiled more. "You'll see." He made his first move. "Let's play, shall we?"

***

Oz reached for the two big boxes of his, but D'Nalia smacked his hand. "Not until the boys are upstairs," she told him. "Those are not presents for the boys to see."

"Okay," he agreed, reaching for another one. This one was apparently fine so he opened it. "Xander," he breathed, pulling out the thin silver chain. "This is beautiful. Did you make this over there?" he asked as he ran it over his fingers. It was made of the metal that only appeared in the other realm they'd visited. It was soft, so very soft and silky against his skin, so he put it on. "Wow. This is great work, Xan."

"Thanks," Xander said, grinning happily. "It's actual silver instead of the realmal metal. I did something special with it to try it out."

"Then I'm really impressed," Oz said, leaning over to give him a kiss. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Xander said, leaning back in his chair. He picked up his coffee to sip. "Unwrap everything but the blue box," he said. "That's one for when the other guys get here. They sent it ahead in case they were delayed."

"And they didn't want me to open it?"

"Nope. Meth said to not open it until they got here." Xander grinned down at the boys, who were eating excellent ice cream. "Did you guys have a good time today?" They nodded. "Did you tell your mother what you saw today?"

"We saw 'gration bust someone," Sean told his mother.

"What?" D'Nalia asked.

"They saw Immigration come bust someone today," Xander told her. "We were in the candy store and the nice guys in suits came in and took the owner."

"Xander, what did you do?" Oz asked.

"Nothing besides buying a bunch of candy and ice cream," Xander promised. "The funny thing was that he didn't seem foreign."

"That little candy store on the shopping strip?" Richard asked.

Xander nodded. "Yup, him."

"He's actually from somewhere in Europe, he came over as a child with his grandparents. I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding." He pointed at his present. "Unwrap that one next," he suggested.

Oz picked up that present and carefully unwrapped it, smiling at the small figurine inside the large box. "Wow. Where did you find this? I've been looking for the whole series for a year now."

"I included the card," Richard told him. "Xander was quite nice when I asked him what you'd like."

"That was the one I couldn't find," Xander said lightly. "I never thought about looking in a comic and gaming shop."

"Wow," Oz said, running a finger along the top of the comic character's head. "This is so great." He smiled at both of them. "Thanks." He put it on the mantle, then came back and sat down, pulling another present over. This one the boys had obviously helped wrap. "I think this one is from some little boys," he said with a smile. He opened it, smiling at the gift certificates inside. "Cool. A certificate to one of the bigger old music stores." He pulled them both over and kissed them on the head. "Thank you, guys." He smiled at their mother. "Thanks, D'Nalia."

"We thought you'd get a lot of use out of that one," she said, giving him a smile. "When can you play and put the kids to sleep again?"

"I can do that tomorrow for naptime," Oz told them.

Xander grinned. "I might stay home and listen to that."

"You've got to go buy fabric," Oz reminded him.

"Yup. My plane leaves about the same time that Meth and Ray get in so they won't have to take a cab, and I get to help you celebrate all tomorrow night; they get you until I get back."

Oz shook his head. "I didn't want to spend my birthday alone."

"They'll be in in about two hours," Xander told him, reaching over to pat his hand. "As a matter of fact, I'm about to leave to catch my flight. They'll be back shortly and you'll be able to cuddle them all night and dream about the stuff I'm going to be doing to you as soon as I get back." He grinned. "Guys, why don't you go check on the animals?" The twins ran off to go check on the animals. "Now you can open those two boxes."

Oz opened the first box, his mouth falling open at the fudge statue. "Whoa. Chocolate cock?" he asked, pulling it out. He ran a finger along the base and tasted it. "Oh, fudge. Even better. Trying to tell me I should broaden my horizons?"

"No," Xander said, grinning at him. "You deserved a sweet treat, and that was the sweetest I could find. D'Nalia helped me make them."

"Them?" Oz asked, putting his fudge cock back into it's box so he could open the other one. "Cookie?" he asked.

"Hazelnut chocolate mint chip," D'Nalia told him. "With walnuts and almonds spread throughout it and a coffee flavored drizzle because I thought it was plain."

Oz got a goofy grin on his face. "Guys, you are so great," he sighed, putting that one up too. He didn't want the boys to get into them. It might scar them for life to cut into a bigger than life cock.

Xander got up and gave his husband a kiss, and a cuddle. "So, are you okay with me going away for the night now?"

"Sure, as long as you come back tomorrow," Oz whispered, stealing another kiss. He patted the firm butt. "Go buy lots of stuff for presents and come home as soon as possible," he said, letting Xander go. He watched as the boxes were taken and put into the refrigerator. "Thanks, I didn't want them to melt." He smiled at the boys as they came back. "Are they napping?"

"A few. One's licking the other's butt," Ian reported. "She seems to like it. She's shaking her leg but she's not moving."

"She was purring," Sean agreed. "It sounded funny."

"That was something we didn't need to know, son," D'Nalia said, pulling them into her lap.

"Where's the big boxes?" Sean asked. "We didn't get to see them."

"They're back in their protected spot;, they're very special," their mother told them. "They're not to be touched by little fingers." She kissed each one on the head. "Now, I think that's all the presents. Thank Xander for the ice cream."

"Thank you," they said, then they ran back up to their apartment.

"Thank you for letting me see the look on his face when he opened it," she said, winking at Xander as she got up and followed her boys.

Xander stole another kiss, then went to grab his bag and tickets. "All right. I'll be back tomorrow afternoon, probably before dinner. You behave with the newlyweds, and I want film if you don't." He waved at Richard and stole one last kiss before leaving the house.

Oz sighed and leaned back against the chair. "I love him," he noted. "Our life is never boring."

Richard chuckled. "I'd say. He offered me the molds so I could make one of my own, though I don't think I could make a solid fudge one. Maybe an ice cream one, I used to have a very good hand at making ice cream." He stood up. "I'll leave you alone now. I know you have to do a few chores for the animals before your other members come home, and I'm deeply into Xander's most recent book." He walked out, leaving Oz alone with his presents.

He found one last one sitting under everything and frowned, but he opened it. "Whoa," he said, looking at the small pendant. "He's doing good again." He took off his necklace and put the small pendant on, putting his new presents back on. Maybe he'd meet Meth and Ray wearing only that. He started to fantasize about them, so he was still sitting there when they came in an hour later. "Hey," he said. "I cleaned up."

"So I see," Methos said, smiling at the wrapping paper. "Where's this monument that Xander said you'd want to show off?"

"The fridge," Oz said, forcing himself to stand up, ignoring his hard cock as he walked into the kitchen. "He found a mold and made me special presents." He pulled out the boxes to show them off, watching their faces.

"Oh, that's what he was talking about," Ray said, running his finger along the top of the fudge one. "It's good."

"The naughty one has reached all new heights," Methos noted, licking Ray's finger. "Fudge?"

"The other's a complicated cookie one," Oz told him, still grinning. "And he gave me this too," he said, showing off the necklace and pendant.

"Wow," Ray said, touching the small stone. "That's pretty." He put the boxes back into the fridge and grabbed Oz, kissing him hard. "He said to give you that and to call his name at least once tonight."

"Yes, we should be getting to bed," Methos suggested, dragging his Ray with him to the bedroom. The flirt had teased him the whole plane ride back from Egypt. Oz followed along happily, stripping as he went. Methos had to watch as Oz swallowed his Ray's cock as soon as the young man landed on the bed, it was all he could do besides stroke himself. He finally came out of his watching mode and grabbed some lube, slicking himself up. If he knew Xander, Oz would already be stretched and more than ready for him. He slid into Oz's body easily, groaning at the silky feeling of his best friend's body. "Yes, I missed this," he hissed, pulling back to slam in.

"I offered," Ray reminded him. "You said you wanted Oz's ass."

"I took your ass many times," Methos corrected. "That whole time we were in the ruins for instance."

"Point," Ray groaned, pushing Oz's head down farther. "Yeah, that was a good time."

Oz moaned and wiggled, silently begging for more.

***

Xander walked into the fabric store he loved, smiling at the woman behind the counter. "Hi," he said, looking around. "Isn't Merry around?"

"It's her day off but she said she'd be popping in around noon," the girl said. "Are you the one she's coming in for?"

"Yup," he said, heading for a cart. "It's time for me to load up."

"Are you a designer?" she asked.

"Only for my family. I make most of our clothes. Even flew in from Miami. I couldn't find a good store down there that I liked." He headed for the cottons, always his first stop. Oz said they needed more of it, and he now had the room. He started loading up his cart with some of their favorite colors, only stopping to make sure he could find a pattern for sheets. He smiled happily and grabbed a few more bolts, happy that they wouldn't show bodily fluids as much as white ones would. "I need another cart," he told himself, going back to the patterns. He noticed a woman coming toward his cart and went to move it.

"Isn't that clearance?" she asked.

"Nope," he said, giving her a faint smile, "that's my seasonal shopping binge."

She shook her head. "You must love t-shirts."

"No, that's my husbands. I like velvet and the softer stuff. Though, I did have a few pairs of pants out of some of the thicker t-shirt cotton, they're very comfy." He went back to searching for more patterns. He found a few for D'Nalia and the boys, smiling as he put them into the cart too.

"Oh, you have children?" the salesgirl said as she came over to make sure he didn't need help.

"Nope, our housekeeper does. I make most of our clothes though, so I'm going to start working on theirs too." He tossed another packet into the cart then went to park it beside the register.

"How much of each did you need?" the girl asked.

"All of it," Xander told her, grabbing another cart.

"Sir, I'm not sure we can do that," she said hesitantly.

"That's why Merry's coming in," he told her, giving her a smile. "She's used to me by now." He headed for his favorite fabrics section, the velvets, not that he could wear many of them in Miami.

Xander handed over the cash for his fabric, laughing as the packing guy forced his way through the door. "Need help?" he asked.

"No, thank you, sir," he said, dropping the boxes. "Are you the one who's mailing all this fabric?" He nodded. "Do you think these boxes are the right size?"

"Only if you're going to bend them," Xander said, holding up a bolt. "We're sending one hundred sixty of these to Miami."

The boy groaned. "I guess I need more boxes then." He went to get some more boxes, letting the people there pack the first set for him.

Xander smiled at the girls. "You guys deserve major tippage today."

Merry laughed. "I know," she told him, "but we do get a commission for your order. Any order over four hundred dollars now. The boss lowered the limit again."

"He said he couldn't find a good store in Miami," the salesgirl told her superior.

"None of them had everything that I wanted. I figured it'd be cheaper to come out here and do a massive load." He grabbed another bolt and fastened it down with a piece of fabric tape. "I got yelled at over the pins," he explained. "They set off the metal detectors at Fed Ex the last time."

Merry snickered. "I bet." She pulled out a flyer from under the counter, handing the paper over. "Here, try this place," she told him. "It's a fabric convention. They're not usually open to the public but you can claim to be a minor designer I guess. I hear they're bringing out a new type of silk this year, six months before it's on the open market." She patted him on the hand. "Don't worry, it's all good for us though. We love your business, Mr. Harris."

The box guy came back, still panting. "I asked and the boss said it'd cost almost two hundred," he told Xander. "We won't know exactly until we weigh everything."

Xander pulled out his wallet and handed over a five hundred dollar bill. "Put the change into a box and put some sort of extra mark on the addy so I know which one it's in," he told the boy. He blew kisses at the women and gathered up the non-fabric stuff, putting the flyer into the bag. "I'll be back in a few months," he called. "Thanks for the flyer." He headed out to his rental car, going back into LA proper. He had to visit his two banks, and check on the accounts that Oz didn't know he had. He hadn't meant to deceive his husband, but it was always better to be safe than sorry. Besides, he needed to pay for his ticket back.

On the way in, his cellphone rang. "Yeah?" he asked as he pushed the button to answer it, the headphone attachment already on. He had expected Oz to call by now. "Hey, Danny. Yup, you heard right. I'm on my way back to Miami from LA. No, fabric trip. Really?" he asked, thinking. "Okay. Um, Denver? Sure. I'll stopover there for a few hours. We'll chat. Oh, and tell Steve that Richie made it to our house. He and Motocat were fine when I left last night. Nope, Oz's birthday so I let Meth and Ray have him for the night. I know he wanted to spend some major time with just them." He laughed. "Yeah, it's a quirky relationship we have, but it works for us. We're all really happy with what we have. Sure. Same cellphone number? I'll call when I get my ticket." He hung up and hummed along with the radio. Until the phone rang again. "Hi, Oz," he said happily. "Did you have a good birthday night?" He laughed, having to pull over so he wouldn't cause an accident. "Really? I'm glad. I knew you wanted time alone with them, that's why I planned this. Of course. Oh, and I'm going to have a layover in Denver. Nope, not yet, but Danny just called and he wants to see me for a few so we agreed on Denver." He snickered. "Sure. Just save some of that tight ass for me and we'll all be happy. Yes, you can get Ray ready for me. I'm sure we'd both like that." He blew a kiss and hung up. "He's such a sweetie," he said, turning to look at the traffic so he could get back on the interstate.

***

Daniel Jackson, member of an elite military organization that went to other worlds, squealed when he saw Xander and gave him a hug. "Hey, you. Long time no see, and no letters either."

Xander grinned. "Sorry. We're just now settled into the house. I was going to give you an ecard tomorrow." He pulled them into a small, unpopulated bar and into the darkest booth there. "So, what's up?"

"Two things," Daniel said, holding out a small bag. "The front compartment has a new fabric. We'd like you to evaluate it for us. All our people have said was 'can't be made into a uniform'." He grimaced. "The military has no imagination."

"Yup, but you still help them," Xander pointed out.

"Being an Anthropologist is a little different though. I'm supposed to see cultural differences and creativity. Blair helps me a lot; now I have backup when I rant against the 'we want weapons' mind set." His grin got sappy. "We're happy."

"Good. It's good that you're ecstatic. Do you love him though?"

"I, um, asked him about that. He got this horrified look and refused to talk to me for a week," Daniel admitted. "I think that was a 'no'."

"Probably," Xander agreed, opening up the bag to feel the fabric. "Very soft. Is this the new silk I've been hearing about?"

"No, that's purely a terrestrial thing. This came from a weaver that has asked for asylum. The stuff in the back compartment is very fragile, but it's some sort of precious stone." He watched the younger man examine the new stone critically. "Any good?"

"Very fragile, it'll probably crumble if you don't use it just right." He dropped the one back into the bag. "Can I keep?"

"Those are yours. The General said that..." He trailed off as the waitress brought them waters. "Hamburgers for both of us."

"Fries and ranch dressing with mine, no onions, only ketchup and pickles please."

"Me too, but no dressing," Daniel asked. "Soda?"

"Sure," Xander agreed. "Coke?"

"Dr. Pepper or Pepsi," the waitress told him.

"Dr. Pepper," they said together. She smiled and walked away.

"Okay, why am I evaluating the stone?" Xander asked, putting the bag beside him with the handles under his leg. "Any particular uses in mind?"

"It seems to reflect light. Someone hypothesized a personal shield application but I don't think so. I folded up a copy of the geological report in the back just in case you get any ideas based on the area it was found in; no one's done an in-depth analysis of the component elements yet. The General wanted you to brainstorm mostly."

"Good deal," Xander agreed, smiling at the waitress as she came back with their orders. He paid for the lunch, sending her away again. "Anything else going on that I need to know about?"

"The negotiations that started with your present went well," Daniel said as he scooped up some ketchup on a fry. "We've all but signed a mutual aid agreement." He ate the fry. "How're Oz and the animals?"

"Good," Xander admitted, taking a bite of his burger. He took a drink once he was done. "Little dry." He glanced around. "We think we've found a ferret breeder who might take a few of the babies off our hands. She's been looking for a different bloodline. All the dogs checked out as healthy. So did everyone else when we did a mass checkup a month ago." He ate a fry. "These have been sitting around," he said, wiping off his hands so he could check his watch. "I've got about another hour. Did you need to talk? You sounded kinda down on the phone."

"No, I just got told my favorite project wasn't going to go on forever." Daniel shrugged. "It was a blow but I'll go on. It was almost over with anyway. Unless I can come up with something pretty amazing soon, it'll be closed down to me and most of the Archeological crew, and the minor people will finish it off for us."

"That sucks."

"Yup, but I'm needed on bigger things," Daniel reminded him. "I'm being moved to a new site that I've never seen before, but they're being nice. Dessie and Blair get to come with me legitimately this time."

"I heard you got into trouble," Xander said with a grin, sipping his soda. He grimaced and put it aside. "Really syrupy. Guess I'm eating at Miami's airport. They've got some pretty nice stuff there."

"Is it that bad?" Danny asked, taking a bite. "Eww, but not worse than military slop." He finished his burger off quickly, then took Xander's. "So, any new news? We were sorry we couldn't make it to the wedding, but we weren't home."

"Ray understood, but he's looking forward to a long visit." Xander stole one of his friend's fries to try them out. "Yours are warm at least."

"You could call the waitress and have her fix it," Daniel suggested.

"Oh, but why?" he said with a smile. "It doesn't matter. I'm heading home, and Oz promised me a special dinner because I spoiled our housekeeper's kids rotten and made them sit around and read."

"You bought them books?"

"Yup, I wanted to spoil someone so I took them to spoil." His grin got cuter. "They even helped me buy animal toys. Oh, and the ferrets have started to play fetch with a tennis ball."

"That's cool. I'll have Blair see if Dessie would like that. He's been trying to dig into our books recently so we've had to start training him again." He leaned closer. "Did you have to de-scent yours?"

"Nope. It doesn't bother us, but I hear it's a common procedure," Xander offered. "You might want to check with a vet. There's a good one near you; they were on the animal channel a few years back."

"I know that show," Daniel said, starting to laugh. "I'll call them once I get home. They're not that far away, almost as close as the one we've got to use right now."

"Hopefully it'll help some," Xander told him. "The only problem we've had was a small problem with litter box odor."

"We've had that too," Daniel sighed. "Blair's calling it smelly butt syndrome." That got a real laugh. "How much longer?"

"I should probably get back there in the next thirty minutes," Xander said, checking his watch. "Box it up and walk with me? I'll buy you a lemonade on the way."

"Okay," Daniel agreed, waving the waitress over. "Can I have a box please?" She nodded and hurried to get them. "You were right," he whispered. "But Blair won't mind the small bite marks." He took the box and dumped their food into it, carrying it so he could follow Xander back to the gates. "So," he said once he had the promised lemonade. "Why were you in LA?"

"Fabric shopping. I couldn't find anyplace in Miami that I really liked. They all said they could special order, but that's a lot of trouble just to get all my seasonal shopping done." He smiled at the gate checker as he handed over his ticket. "Just checking in," he said.

She typed in his seat. "Yes, Mr. Osbourne, we have you already confirmed." She looked down at the bag in his hand. "Did you just pick that up? We didn't have a carryon notice for you."

"I brought it for him," Daniel told her. "It's a new project for a present."

"You can have security check it if you want," Xander offered.

She smiled. "Thank you, sir." She waved over a guard. "He just picked up this bag, it's a present. Would you check it for him?"

"Sure," the guard said, taking the bag and putting it on the counter, doing a quick check. He held up the blade in the front, one which didn't have a handle. "Throwing knife?"

"No, an attempt with a new sort of metal," Daniel told him, pulling out his ID. "He's a certified metal forger, and he's checking the temperament out for us."

The guard looked closely at the ID then at Daniel. "You're really a consultant for the military?"

Xander pulled out his ID. "I'm traveling under an assumed identity because my latest book is coming out today," he explained to the ticket agent.

She smiled. "I knew I recognized you. I read your first one. I hated it, but it was well written."

"Thank you," he said, giving her a smile. "I always like honest opinions. And hey, you probably couldn't have hated it any more than my hate group."

"Oh, no, sir, I joined them. How do you think up such things?"

"It's getting it out of my head so I don't have to think about them," Xander told her. "It's a good way to get out all my daily stress so I don't harm someone like the driver who cuts me off, or my cheating spouse."

She shook her head. "He must be stupid, Mr. Osbourne."

"Very," Xander agreed dryly. "Is everything all right?"

"Just fine," the guard said. "You really wrote those dark books?"

Xander nodded. "It's just a way to get my dark side out safely." He smiled at Daniel. "He's the only one who told me to keep them on my laptop. Everyone else dragged me to my editor's and demanded he read them."

"Why did you have an editor already?" the guard asked.

"I got bored and wrote some porn. They're very good sellers, but not as good as my manuals." He accepted the tag for his bag and put it on the handle. "Anything else?"

"No, sir. Thank you for your cooperation." He looked at the agent. "He's clear."

"I'll make a note of it," she said, typing into her computer. "There we go, all set," she said, smiling at him. "Thank you for not taking offense."

"It's a lot better than someone saying 'oh, I like you, that was cute', which I've gotten before," Xander told her, leading Daniel to the better chairs. "So," he said finally. "That was odd."

"Security is tight here because they had a bomb scare two days ago," Daniel explained. "Sorry about that."

"No big. I'm used to scrutiny." He flipped his braid over his shoulder. "That's one of the few times that I've gotten real, honest feedback though."

"Oh, that part. I saw the third book," Daniel admitted. "Has anyone sent one to Giles to warn him?"

"Henri did," Xander admitted with a sigh. "Before she sent me the copies."

"Oh, man," Daniel sighed. "Do you want Blair or I to pop down there and talk to him?"

"Nah," Xander said with a grin. "When he's ready to apologize and quit cheating, he'll find us. He's good for that."

"Okay." Daniel looked out the window. "Here comes the plane." He gave Xander a hug. "When are you traveling again? Blair and I wanted to join you."

"I was thinking about going again next year. Not during the summer, but maybe the fall, depending on where I want to go. Do you like going to markets? Oz hated it."

"Blair and I both think it's one of the easier ways to learn little things about a culture. You can easily see their method of interpersonal interaction; how they react to the opposite sex, how they react to outsiders, their eating rituals." He shrugged. "We love to tool around the small and large markets. We were thinking about the Middle East or Turkey. Hitting a lot of the major cities there with the bigger markets."

"I'd *love* that," Xander sighed. "When?"

"Fall would be better," Daniel told him. "They've got hotter summers over there." He touched the braid. "You might have to do something about this."

"Why? I'm a designer half the time," Xander said with a grin. He stood up at the boarding announcement, giving his friend a hug. "I'll email tonight and send you our addy. You've got to come for a long stay after you get back and we'll plan the trip." He kissed him on the cheek, then the forehead. "Give one to Dessie and one to Blair." He giggled as Daniel tickled him lightly. "Thanks." He grabbed his bag and ticket, heading back to the gate to get on. He hated being the last one, it felt like everyone was staring at him as he got on. "Hi, back again," he said happily.

"Is Miami home now?" the gate attendant asked.

"Sometimes. But they already know that. The hate group's fearless leader knows where I live; she gives new members a tour past my house." He took his ticket back and headed to his seat, getting settled in. He'd get some work done this time, maybe even figure out what to do with this new fabric. It was very strong but very delicate, like the best properties of silk, only a little less rough against his calluses.

"Sir, please put that away," a stewardess said as she walked past him.

"Sure," Xander said, stuffing it back into the bag. He looked around the compartment, frowning at the man across from him, the one who was staring at him. "Hi," he said kindly.

The man pulled out his ID and flashed it at Xander. "May we talk?" he asked.

"Once we're in the air," Xander agreed. "I don't think I have a seat mate. The ticket agent said I didn't." He checked his belt and his bag, taking a deep breath as the door was closed and the plane taxied away from the gate. He did his usual count to two hundred once they started take off, then everything was all right. He looked at the man across the aisle from him. "What did you need?" he asked.

"In a minute, when I can switch," the man said. The seatbelt light went off and he shifted over to the seat next to Xander. "Sir, I work with the FBI, and we've been tracking your books." Xander groaned. "We don't think that you actually did those things, though we'd like to think that you wouldn't be that mean to your second husband, but there might be someone who's taking some of your suggestions to heart."

Xander nodded, relaxing. He wasn't in trouble. "Okay, tell me what you need and I'll try to help. And I have to warn you, I didn't do any research on this. It all came out of the darker parts of my mind, the ones I'm trying to purge."

"You found an excellent way to do so, Mr. Harris," the agent agreed. "Has anyone contacted you saying that they really appreciated you?"

"I've saved all my mail but the hate mail," Xander told him. "I can call my mate and have him pull them, they're in his desk. If you want, someone can come over and look through them, and copy the ones that you think might be this guy."

"Guy? I didn't say it was a man."

"But mostly I write about male characters," Xander pointed out. "A woman couldn't do some of those things unless she was very strong."

"Good point. We'd like that."

"Okay." Xander looked around for a stewardess, who walked over. "Can I use my cellphone yet?"

She shook her head. "Federal regulations say you can't use one while we're in the air. There are seat phones," she said, pointing at the little pouch. "You can use that if you have a credit card, or we do have credit slips you can buy if you need one."

Xander pulled out his wallet and handed over a twenty. "Please. I need to call my mate."

"Yes, sir." She walked away and came back a minute later with a blank card. "Here you go. Just swipe it through the slot and dial." She walked away, heading back to make some coffee.

Xander followed her directions, dialing his house. "Hey, you won't believe this. No, there's a federal agent here who needs to look at the mail we've gotten from fans." He handed over the phone. "Here, you explain it to him."

"Mr. Osbourne?" the agent said, smiling when he heard the answer. "Sir, I don't worry or wonder about that, but some of us did notice when we were doing research to see how best to approach you. Yes, sir, we've already got someone heading for the publisher's too. Yes, that's what we need. If you wouldn't mind, we're looking for someone who likes your husband's ideas."

Xander smiled at the stewardess as she started the cart down the aisle. "Coke?" he asked. She handed him a twenty ounce. "Thanks. Any nuts or anything like that?" A few packets of mixed nuts, one of trail mix, and one of snack mix were handed to him. "Thank you. I'm a happy camper now." She smiled and walked on after the agent shook his head at the offered coffee. Xander settled in to listen to the conversation. He knew his fans and none of them would do this.

Taking Care of Business.

Xander stepped off the plane and sighed. It was hot again. He walked down the ramp, running into Ray almost as soon as he stepped through the doorway. "Hey," he said, giving him a hug. "Why did you come to pick me up? I thought I was taking a cab."

"Oz had me bring these," Ray said, smiling at the man who had walked up behind Xander. "Are you him?"

The Agent nodded. "Yes, Mr. Kowalski. Thank you." He took the copies of the letters. "Have you checked Chicago recently?" he asked.

Ray shook his head. "Why? Something bad happening there?"

"Yes, sir, a few cops have been beheaded recently. One of them was your coworker when you were there." Ray looked at Xander, but the agent smiled and shook his head. "Sir, my foster brother is like you, and I noticed some things while I was researching to make this call. I've kept it to myself."

"Thanks," Ray said, leading Xander away. "Email us if you need anything else." He took the bag and the ticket stubs, leading his lover to the baggage claim. "That was odd."

"It was," Xander agreed. "He was on the flight I caught in Denver. Oh, and I got real feedback. The ticket agent hated it but she read the whole first book. Then she joined the hate group."

Ray snorted. "Figures." He wrapped his lover in his arms. "How was Danny?"

"Good. His favorite project is nearly done, but they're putting him on one with Blair where they can bring Dessie."

"That's good," Ray agreed. "He was happy?"

"Yup, and we're planning on traveling together next year sometime. They want to market crawl with me," Xander said with a smile. "We're thinking Turkey and the big market cities over there."

"Wow. I got to go play in Cairo's for three days," Ray told him. "Meth was very nice to me; he didn't snark once about all the time I was spending asking what things were." He gave him a squeeze. "As long as you're happy." He looked at the bag. "What's with this anyway?"

"It's something Danny gave me to check. A new form of metal, a new fabric, and a new stone."

"Cool. Guess I know what you're doin' tonight," Ray said, glaring at the bag.

Xander stopped them, turning Ray to look at him and giving him a kiss. "I'm going to be pounding you and Oz into the mattress for the next three hours then we're all going to take a nap and a bath. Then we'll see what we can get into together. I'm not heading downstairs for another day."

Ray relaxed. "Thanks, Xan."

"Hey, I like spending time with you. I only go play on my forge when you guys are too busy to play with me. Oh, and I got stuff to make the boys clothes too. And even a few dress patterns for D'Nalia."

Ray snickered. "I'm sure she'll be thrilled. She's been checking for fevers because the boys have been quiet and reading." They started walking again. "She said you can spoil them again in a few months, once they've gotten through all the books."

"Cool, I like spoiling people," Xander reminded him, leading the way into the baggage claim. "Here we are," he said, checking to see which carousel his luggage was coming in on. "The girls at the fabric store told me about a fabric convention coming up. It's in St. Louis this year."

"That sounds fun," Ray said, but his expression said he didn't want to go. "Maybe you and Oz could go."

"Maybe. He does still weave." He cheered when he saw his bag, reaching over to grab it then checking the tag and putting it back. "Not mine."

"This side's yours," Ray said, pointing at the one behind them. They turned around, watching the message board to make sure it was the one for Xander's flight.

***

Xander walked into the house and stopped. The furniture was overturned. "Hello?" he called.

"It wasn't us," Oz called from the bedroom.

Xander walked back that way, stopping in the doorway when he saw Methos tied to the bed. "Safety concerns?"

"Mariana tried to come snatch him," Oz told him, nodding at Ray to go in while he stole a kiss. "Have a good trip?"

"Decent one," he agreed. "There's a fabric convention coming up soon."

"Cool. We'll go." Oz looked back at the bed. "We had to sedate him. Richard dragged her out of here by her hair." He touched Xander's hair gently. "We're all fine. We have to straighten up and find all the animals."

"Did one escape?"

"We think one of the cats might have," Oz told him, "but we can't be sure. They're all hiding still."

"Okay, we'll go do a head count," Xander said, dropping his bags just inside the doorway. "Don't step on that one. It's got fragile stuff from Danny." He walked Oz into the animals' room and sat down, calling them to him. "Hi, guys," he said, petting everyone and doing a quick count. "We're missing Motocat."

"She's in with her Daddy," Oz noted. "Anyone else?"

"Um, Fluffy's not here," Xander told him. "You might go check the plantings next door." He finished his count. "And we're missing a ferret baby."

"All right," Oz said. "I'll check downstairs first, then the neighbors." He leaned down, kissing his husband gently. "We missed you, we didn't even cut into the treats." He walked away, going to look downstairs for the rest of the hiding animals.

Ray walked in and looked around. "Who?"

"Fluffy and one of the ferret kits, that's it."

"Got it," Ray said, heading out the door to go check next door in the elaborate garden, Fluffy liked gardens.

"Found the ferret," Oz called a few minutes later. "She was hiding under an overturned chair.

"Ray went out to look for Fluffy," Xander called as he finished his loving and handed out treats so he could go check that other one. He took the baby, who buried its head into his neck. "I know, it was scary," he whispered, sitting down to pet that one. "I'm sure it'll be okay. She won't be coming back," he promised the shaking animal.

"Found Fluffy," Ray said as he walked in, holding his dirty cat. "She was helping weed. Good thing we told the neighbor about her." He closed the door before anyone else could get out. "All accounted for?"

"As long as Richie's got his cat, we're all here," Xander agreed, standing up and going into the bedroom to lay beside their other lover. "Hey," he said, kissing Methos on the lips. "It's okay. I'll kill her for you if you want."

Methos turned his head, barely able to open his eyes. "She's Ray's first," he slurred. He smiled at the sight of his cat and his mate. "You're back?"

"She was helping weed," Ray said, putting the cat onto his husband's chest. He laid down on Methos' other side, cuddling up to him. "Did she say anything else?"

"Just that she's had a crush on him since the day he rode in, burned their village, then sat back and watched from a hillside," Oz said as he joined them. "Richard's taking care of her at the moment; I think he was thinking about mental help though."

"Oh, I think we can get her some mental help," Xander said coldly. "No one touches my family. It's time she learned that lesson too."

"Xander, you won't go fight her," Oz told him. "If anyone fights her, it'll be Ray or Methos."

"He can fight her for me," Ray offered. "I can't fight as well as he can."

"She's mine," Methos slurred. "I get her."

"Fine," everyone agreed.

There was a pause when everyone looked at each other. "I say we break out Oz's birthday treats. I could use some," Ray said finally.

"All right, I can do that," Oz agreed. "Fudge or cookie?"

"The fudge," Xander told him. "I could use something to eat."

"Fudge isn't food," Methos told him.

"I know, but neither was the food at the little place in the Denver airport that Danny and I ate at. It was really gross. It might have been okay if it'd been warm, but otherwise it was nasty."

"I'll bring you a sandwich too," Oz said as he walked out of the room. A few minutes later, he walked back in with his fudge monument and a sandwich for his love. "Here we go," he said, setting everything on the bedtrays they kept in there. He handed Ray a knife. "You get to cut."

Ray looked at it, then shook his head, handing off the knife. "I can't," he complained. "I'd feel like I was cuttin' another guy."

"Sorry," Xander said, picking at his sandwich. "I didn't know this was going to bother you guys."

"You want to cut it?" Oz asked, handing him the knife. As the blade got closer, he winced and turned away, not able to watch the visualization.

"Done," Xander said, finishing his chopping duties so no one would be able to say where it came from. He handed out small slices of fudge, smiling at his lover. "It's okay, I promise. I won't ever do that to you."

Oz kissed him on the top of the head. "I know you won't. I'd ask Strife to come fix you if you ever tried, even to Giles."

"Well, him...." Xander started but Ray covered his mouth.

"Henri sent him a copy of the third book," Oz told the other couple.

Methos shuddered. "He'll be here any day now to apologize."

"And then we turn him over to Richard in exchange for Mariana," Xander said.

"Not a fair trade," Ray said, nibbling on his fudge. "How did you do that without making it look like you took any off?" he asked.

"I shaved it."

"Oh." Ray put down his fudge. "I don't think I can eat it anymore," he said quietly.

"It's okay, it's just chocolate and marshmallows," Methos said, patting him on the back. "It's not a real dick. It's too big to be a real dick."

"I looked at the mold; it was modeled off a porn star," Oz told them all. He finished his fudge and picked up the statue, taking it back to the refrigerator. "I think the cookie one would be better," he announced, bringing it in. "Doesn't look so much like a human," he decided, putting it down on the tray.

"I can cut that," Ray agreed, picking up the knife and slicing down the underside. Xander shuddered this time. "What?" he asked.

"That would come under things you don't want to know about from when I used to work," Xander admitted.

"There's demons that are cookie colored?" Ray asked as he handed out pieces of the firm and chewy cookie.

"There are," Xander agreed, getting up and heading into his closet, going to get his scrapbook. It was one of the few things, besides clothes and tips, that he'd brought from Devi's brothel. "Want to see?" he asked, nibbling on a piece of cookie. "We did good," he said in appreciation. "That coffee sets it off very well."

"Let's see," Ray said, shifting so he could look down at the scrap book.

Oz moved the trays to the bedside tables, letting them curl up together. It wasn't that he didn't want to look, but he still felt strange thinking about other people sleeping with his husband. Xander looked up at him and he sighed. "Okay, I'll look," he said, curling up around Ray's back.

"My Ray," Methos mumbled, starting to fall asleep.

"I won't molest him," Oz promised, reaching behind himself to pat the tense stomach. "You rest and I'll protect him for you." Methos mumbled something else then fell asleep, snoring lightly.

Xander opened the thick book, smiling at the page he'd designed. "I did this scrapbook later, while I was trying to avoid Buffy asking questions and trying to still be there for her." He turned the first page. "It's like a little black book. I used the original pages to help me remember what each one liked."

"You really had a client list?" Ray asked.

"Yeah, ever since my first night on the job. Word spread that a new guy was there. They came, they spent a lot of money, and then they came back again." He pointed at the first demon, a blood red one with horns. "He's part of the middle ranks of demons. Hell born, called to this plane. He was stuck here and needed to blow off steam. He only came in twice." He touched the one next to it. "This one was one of my regulars," he said, letting Ray see them both. "He always liked me to talk to him more than anything." He turned the page. "See, cookie colored," he said, pointing at the right side picture. "He was strange though. He liked me to sing to him, and I sound horrible." Ray snickered. "You think I'm kidding?"

"No, I've heard you sing," Ray told him. "He really liked that?"

"He's an underground demon," Xander told him. "He couldn't really see, like a mole, but he could tell sounds. So I sang to help him locate where things were in the rooms." He grinned. "Devi always put him in a soundproof room so the other rooms' sounds wouldn't mess with him." He touched the one on the left. "This was Preston. He was my first client after Meth broke me in."

"What is he?" Oz asked, looking at the picture.

"He was human, a chaos sorcerer. He was the one that gave me the sword that I have in that one box. I was his second in the fight against the demon who killed his family." He turned the page. "Oh, this one was funny. That's my Sarthna demon buddy. He liked me to bark like a dog."

Ray laughed at that. "That's just strange," he complained.

"Yup but he paid well," Xander reminded him. "He's the one that got me into jewelry."

"How?" Ray asked. Xander never talked about that time in his life.

"He was an underground demon too, but he was a tunneler. He ran into jewels so he kept them, and his kind traded them among themselves." He swallowed. "He couldn't really pay in cash, so he brought in jewels to pay for his time and as tips. I came home with a lot of loose jewels, which is how I bought the first house."

"What did happen to your tips?" Oz asked.

"I put them into a special account," Xander admitted.

"Ah. That's cool." Oz looked over at his husband, who was looking a little guilty. "I don't mind that you kept some of your money from me, babe. I think it was a smart move. You've got to have some stuff that I don't have any say over."

"Thanks," Xander said, starting to relax again.

"How much are we talkin' here?" Ray asked.

"Xander was the highest paid person ever at that brothel," Oz said quietly. "He had people who paid ludicrous amounts of money for an hour of his time."

"Being the only pure human there made me really special," Xander explained. "Not to mention my natural skills and hormone problem. I used to string for the brothel for a few hours a night, sending all the horny people upstairs. I got a percentage of every person I sent up there, forty percent of my own dalliances, that's what we had to call them, and sixty percent if I took a call out of the brothel because that was more dangerous."

"Especially for you," Oz agreed, squeezing Ray. "I never asked. I've heard things, but I never wanted to know."

"What did you hear?" Xander asked.

"That the last dalliance you had before Meth paid a hundred grand for your time. You told me that one. That those tip boxes from your Sarthna buddy were extraordinary. Angel said that he's never heard of any of them paying that amount, even in apology." He swallowed, then gave his husband a look. "That was the reason Devi tried to get you that second time, when you were on your way to Vermont. You were the only one that could satisfy any demon and make them come crawling back for more."

"That's more my hormones," Xander told him. "At one time," he told Ray, "I attracted every half and full demon in New York. I was shopping at the time. I attracted enough attention that half demons that didn't know what they were came after me, and a lot of them were cops." He took a deep breath. "I was the reason Devi's was raided by the demon police, they thought he had an illegal use of beguilement going. When they were shown into the room where I was waiting, every single one of them fell to their knees because I'd been sweating. Then Devi came in and hosed the top ones down, and they warned Devi to keep me away from other people. That was in my third week. Devi paid a hefty fine each day I was there, but it was nothing compared to the money I was bringing him. He eventually had to go to one of the demon realms to talk to a judge to get a dispensation for the remaining time. He explained my hormonal problem and the judge laughed. So Devi tossed him one of my shirts, which, when unwrapped, caused the whole court to ask for my picture so they could find me and ask me for some of my time. Devi did more business that day than he had any other, and no one left disappointed, even the ones I didn't see because I rubbed myself against them and it was enough." He swallowed again, looking down at his scrapbook. "It wasn't fun, Ray, but I did find myself, and I made a hell of a lot of money."

"Was that one guy your biggest time?" Oz asked.

Xander shook his head. "Nope, not by a long shot. Even when discounting the Sarthna's times, I still had sixteen times that were bigger than that last dalliance." He laughed bitterly. "Those were put into a very special account and left there. Even the demon bank in LA doesn't know that the account holding those exists. The branch in New York swore to never disclose those three accounts." He closed the scrapbook. "So, no, that wasn't my largest paid time, and it wasn't my largest tip."

"So, you're sayin' that you've got money even beyond what Oz knows?"

"Even beyond what everyone knows," Xander corrected, running his thumb over Ray's bottom lip, smiling when it was sucked on. "Thank you."

"For what, babe? We knew beforehand, it hasn't affected us yet." Oz pointed at the book. "Not even seeing that would change our minds."

"Unless you looked like you wanted to go back," Ray admitted, letting the thumb go and taking a kiss. "See, it was only for six weeks. I can deal with that. I've done stupid things before too. You came out healthy and clean so it's no big deal."

Oz reached across Ray's body to hug his husband to them. "I have no problems as long as it stays in the past," he said quietly. "Even your money isn't that big of a deal for me."

"You know, it's funny," Xander said quietly. "I can sew all our clothes. I can make weapons and jewelry. I'm hell in bed. But I can't cook. I can't balance a checkbook. I can't even do things that most normal people would consider mundane." He looked at his steadying influence, relaxing again. "Not that being able to balance a checkbook is so great, but it's something I never really learned how to do."

"No one can do everything," Oz said wisely. "That's why people like you, who can do astounding things, have people like Giles, who worry about things like the checkbook." He leaned over and stole a kiss. "And why you have people like me, who like doing the mundane stuff so you can be extraordinary."

"You got one of those word-a-day calendars, didn'tcha?" Ray asked with a grin.

"When they first came out," Oz agreed. "Sometimes I like to use the words I know." He patted Xander's side. "I also get to teach some to him because his vocabulary wasn't all that comprehensive when we first met."

"You never said anything when we first met," Xander reminded Oz. "We were lucky to get six words out of you all day and only if you were talking to Willow."

"Yeah, but I was trying to fit into the persona," Oz explained. "I had created one that didn't need to talk or emote. It was easier not to get drawn into the high school thing that way. Then I met Willow," he sighed, "and all that changed."

"She drew you into everything," Xander said with a grin. "Slaying. Sexual tension. Dances. Research times."

"Lots of time to think," Oz agreed. "Did you know that I always had something else on my mind? Every time we kissed or cuddled, I was thinking about other things too. It was very odd to cuddle her."

"Do you still do that?" Ray asked.

"Nope. Right now, I'm wondering if Xander tastes like fudge or cookies, and if you would like to be sucked by him or me."

Ray leaned over and kissed Xander, tongue and all. "Cookies and either's good," he noted.

Xander looked at Oz. "I call it," he said, then shoved the scrapbook out of the way and wiggled down until he was even with Ray's crotch. "Naughty you, wearing so many clothes," he said as he undid the zipper. "Uh-oh, underwear too."

Oz mock-gasped. "Underwear, in this house? How shameful." He looked down at his husband. "We must do something about this," he said mock dramatically. The phone rang so he got it. "Yeah?" He frowned. "Are you sure that's wise? Oh." He shrugged and looked at Xander. "Richard wants to apologize. Can he come over?"

"Sure," Ray sighed, pulling back up his pants.

"Nope," Xander said, grabbing Ray as he stood up and dragging him into their sinful bathroom to have some time alone with him.

"Don't come over too soon," Oz warned their friend. "Xander just got home." He hung up and leaned back, smiling when the laughter started in the bathroom.

"Ray?" Methos asked as he started to wake up.

"Xander just stole him and is forcing him to have cuddles, and possibly sex, in the shower."

Methos smiled and tugged on the ropes. "May I have these removed?"

"Sure," Oz agreed, reaching up to undo one of the wrist straps. "There, you got the rest?"

Methos undid himself and rolled so he was resting on his best friend's chest. "Thank you," he said quietly. "Does he know?"

"Yup. They're planning on how to challenge her. Richard's coming over to apologize."

"Good. I did like the man."

"It wasn't his fault, Meth."

"I know, Oz, but it's hard not to blame him for her stupidity. He did bring her into our lives."

"Yeah, but he didn't mean to. He probably didn't have any idea that she was like that towards you. If he did, then we'll act."

Methos patted him on the head. "I'll act," he corrected. "You'll keep the boys out of the fight so it's fair. When I kill her, I want it to be a fair fight."

"Okay," Oz agreed. "But you get to explain to Xander that he doesn't get to kill her." Methos glared at him. "Hey, you wanted the hard job." He leaned over and sucked a spot on the older immortal's stomach. "The boys are in the shower, and Richard's on his way over," he said against the warm skin. "We don't really have time for this but you need to be relaxed." He slid the hardening cock out of the loose pants, sucking it down.

Methos arched up and grabbed Oz's head, pushing it farther down. "If you stop, I'll have Xander find something to invade your body," he warned.

Oz looked up, nearly smirking. "Are we talking like Yak? You used to threaten me with that during the fourteen hundreds. You need better threats." His head was pushed back down so he went back to his sucking. He was happy doing this. It wasn't his favorite thing, but it was close. He wondered what Xander was doing to Ray, but he figured it was probably something similar.

***

Richard stepped through the door and bowed to Xander. "I was very impressed with the cruelty that your mind could come up with. I never want to be on your bad side." He smiled. "With that said, Mariana has been sent away until she regains some sanity or humanity, either one. She's in South America somewhere. I dropped her off at the terminal almost as soon as we left...with enough money to get wherever she wanted to go and find a room." He nodded at Methos. "I told her not to come back until after you'd left the area again. She wasn't happy, but it was that or I took her head. I made that plain."

"Thank you," Methos said gently. He pulled Xander into his lap. "It saves us some difficulties."

Xander nodded. "It saves me having to take her head and presenting it to the big guy here," he said, patting Methos' thigh.

Richard smiled. "Yes, that's what I figured. It's why I sent her away. I don't want to lose her so soon, but I won't put up with that behavior." He looked at Ray. "I'm very sorry about her attitude."

"As long as it gets fixed so I don't have to fix it for her," Ray warned him. "Methos is mine and she'd better learn that fact. I will stomp her." He cleared his throat. "With that said, I have to go back to Chicago, I think."

"Why?" Oz asked.

"The agent that was on the plane with me said something about a few cops being beheaded," Xander said quietly. "Do you need us to come with you?"

"Nah," Ray said, giving him a grin. "I'm going to go back for a few days to make sure I'm not needed."

"All right," Methos agreed. "You'll call if you're going to be more than a few days or if you need help?"

"Of course," Ray agreed, leaning over to grab a kiss. "I'll leave tonight." He kissed Xander. "I expect you to watch my man for me. Keep him occupied and stuff." He stood up and looked down at Richard. "I expect you to not cause any problems. I really was starting to like you, and putting a cap in your ass would probably ruin my day." He headed back to the office to make his reservations.

Richard shuddered. "I've never met a tighter family. I congratulate you all, and I have no intention of trying to come between you."

"What about Giles?" Xander asked. "What are you going to do to him?"

"Whatever I need to so he'll realize what he's becoming. That is, if you'd still like me to take him on."

"Please," Xander agreed. Oz nodded his support. "I can't do anything about his magic; I can barely make a plant grow."

"You have some nature magic?" Richard asked, looking interested.

"When we spent the eight hundred years across the realmal boundary, he learned he had a small touch of a gift," Oz explained. "He's right, he gets tired if he does more than makes a plant grow a few inches."

"Xander, if I may, there's a tree in town that needs some help healing. I would like to evaluate you to see if you need more training."

Xander shrugged. "I can do that. I haven't used it in a while, but I'll do what I can."

"Thank you." He smiled at Methos. "You'll be welcome to come with us of course."

"Of course," Methos said dryly. "I have no gift or thoughts toward magic but I will watch you test Xander." He squeezed the young man on his lap. "Get up so I can go be with Ray." Xander stood up and Methos went back toward the office.

Xander stole the seat, curling up in it. "So, what's wrong with this tree?"

"It's a very old tree that was recently hit by lightening. There's a push to save it because of it's age." He got comfortable. "I'd like to see it healed also, if only to preserve one of the oldest things in this area outside of the land."

"I think I saw a newspaper article about it." Oz looked at Xander. "That would be an excellent thing for you to go visit and maybe offer them some money."

"Okay," Xander said with a shrug. "I was going to go do some charity work tomorrow." Oz stared at him. "What? They asked so I said I would. It's working with kids in one of the less prosperous neighborhoods who're in daycare. It's overcrowded, understaffed, and the kids aren't getting the education that the twins are. I wanted to help. No one should feel unwelcome in a school."

Oz moved over so he could grab his husband for a hug. "I know school wasn't fun or comfy for you, but you'll make it easier for other kids. Just no public speaking, okay?"

"Wasn't going to do that anyway. I saw that this one needed help so I called and asked them if I could come and help them, without the aid of pictures, and they got really happy." He shrugged. "That way the hate group can't get into them for me being near kids." He snuggled into the welcoming arms. "The woman sounded surprised that I asked for no photographs, but I told her that I didn't need the press, and she probably didn't want my hate group to come down on her. That made her a little unsure, but she said it was good for her." He grinned. "And D'Nalia's coming with me."

"Very cool," Oz agreed. "I'll be waiting here at home for you." He gave him another squeeze and pulled back.

"Hey, I was liking the hugging."

"Okay," Oz said, going back to hugging his husband. "Want to come over here and cuddle? My arms aren't loving the position," he noted after a few minutes.

Xander happily moved over and snuggled against his side. "How's this?"

"Good," Oz agreed, looking at Richard again. "So, how're the ferrets?"

Richard sighed. "I had no idea that they liked warm laundry enough to crawl into a dryer when I reached in to pull out a shirt the other day. I searched for hours for those two little mischief makers, and they were very arrogant when I did finally free them, though I do need to rewash that whole load.

Xander nodded. "Yup. Sounds about right. The babies used to try and follow Henri everywhere because she got into closets and the washer. We nearly washed one once."

Oz snorted. "Jedi crawled into Meth's jacket pocket and didn't come out until after Ray had put it into the washer. We were sick and she looked like a damp log of hair with a nose."

"She caught the sniffles," Xander reminded him. "We had the hardest time feeding her tea for the next few days."

Oz shook his head. "That was not a good week. She just wanted to be left alone and Xander didn't want to because he was still feeling a little icky. They fought over Jedi drinking the tea the vet had said we could give her. Jedi ran away for about a day, went home with Henri if I remember right." He patted the Xander gently. "He learned how to be sick without her."

"I found all the cuddly animals then," Xander said, stroking Oz's thigh. "He never begrudged me needing something to cuddle while he was hiding under the blankets to get away from me. That's when we learned how to cohabitate while we were sick."

Richard shook his head. "I'm glad that my life is boring. What you two have been through makes me very happy I'm a boring person."

"There's days when I wished we were more boring," Oz admitted. "It'd be so much easier if we were boring." He craned his neck as a large brown truck pulled up outside. "I think your fabric's here," he said, giving Xander a light shove.

Xander went to the door and opened it, smiling at the man getting out of the truck. "For us?"

"Sorry, sir, for your neighbor."

"Okay." He shut the door and looked at the living room. "Not for us."

"Then it'll probably be here tomorrow," Oz said calmly, patting the spot beside him but Xander grinned. "What?" he asked cautiously.

"You'll see." Xander headed down to his work areas, going to do something that he was sure would at least amuse his husband.

Oz shuddered once his husband was gone. "I have no idea what that was about, but I'm not sure I want to," he admitted. "That look on Xander's face usually means he's feeling in a mischievous mood."

"It's better than a mean or a spiteful one," Richard offered.

"He's never been either to me," Oz told him. "Chess?"

"If you'd like. I have nothing waiting for me at home, my scamps are asleep in the window." He pulled over the table that held the board, setting it up quickly. "Move first?" he offered.

"Love to," Oz agreed, making his first move with a knight.

***

Xander paced, he was waiting on D'Nalia to finish giving Oz his orders for the boys. He was nervous. What did he know about inner city and under privileged kids? Now, he was going to be doing his part to help them get ahead. It was an innate feeling that he had to give back to his town or city so he had decided on anonymously helping a small daycare that needed funds and people. It'd give them some good publicity after he was gone. As long as his hate group didn't get them for letting him near the kids. It wasn't like he was *like* the people he wrote about. He never had figured out why they didn't like him. He mentally shrugged and turned around to pace the other direction. Now he was going to help out most of the day, reading and playing with the kids. And he didn't know what he was doing. At least D'Nalia was coming with him. She was a mother, she knew about things like kids.

She cleared her throat, making him jump. "You can always just hand over a check," she suggested with a faint smile.

"No, I promised to stay and help them for a few hours." He handed over the keys. "You've just got to tell me when I'm starting to really mess up."

"All right," she agreed, leading him out to the car. "Where is this one?" He handed over the article. "Thanks." She made sure they were both buckled in, then started the car and backed out of the garage.

Xander swallowed hard when he saw all the little kids staring up at him. "Hi," he said, trying to sound cheerful. "Would you mind if we came and helped the nice people today?"

"Are you a funny guy?" one girl asked. "We don't need none of them here." The other kids nodded.

Xander relaxed, belligerent and stubborn he was used to. He was like that too. "Nope, I'm not funny, nor do I like kids as more than people to read to." He sat down facing them. "I'm here to help out the daycare workers because they asked. All I'm here for is to read to you guys, to help you paint if you're doing that today, and to play any games you guys want." He tugged on D'Nalia's pants leg. "That's what we're here for."

"Is she your woman?" one boy asked. "She's fine."

Xander snickered. "Nope, I don't have a woman, I've got a man."

"Oh," another girl said, nodding. "I know about people like you. Do you dance and sing or do you do other stuff?"

He laughed. "Nope, I don't sing, though I do dance." He pulled off his bracelet and handed it to her. "I make things like that instead of dancing and singing. And I make all my family's clothes," he said, tugging on his shirt.

"So, you dress the drag queens?" that girl asked, handing on the bracelet. "That's really chunky."

Xander lifted off his necklace and showed her the new pendant. "I made that too."

"Wow." She fingered the small carved pendant. "You're good."

"I bet he didn't do it," one boy said. "Who does stuff like that anymore."

"He's got everything set up in the basement," D'Nalia said as she sat down next to him, taking the bracelet back from the boy who handed it to her. "Thank you. He makes my boys sit and watch him pound out stuff. He's even made knives in the past." She pulled out the little knife-looking hairpin he'd made her. "He made this for me a few days ago when he was frustrated."

The kids all leaned closer. "That's a good weapon," one girl said, smiling at Xander. "You protect your family well."

"Thank you." He put his necklace back on, then dropped his bracelet back over his wrist. "So, what's first? Reading? Painting? Ball game?"

"Reading," one girl, one who hadn't said anything yet and had been hiding in the back row, said quietly. "I like stories."

"You would," another girl said. "You just like to hear other people tell you things so you don't have to think about your home."

"I feel that way sometimes too," Xander told her gently.

"Oh, yeah? What do you know about what we've been through," a boy challenged.

Xander lifted up the side of his shirt, showing off a scar that he'd gotten when someone had turned his stake back on him. "Quite a lot," he told the boy. "That's from a weapon fight. The other guy didn't like me, but I still ran him off." Well, technically, Willow had staked the vampire, but this sounded better. "My old home town was smaller than here, but it wasn't any easier. There was still a lot of poverty there too. My family wasn't one of the richest in town; as a matter of fact, I qualified for free lunches for most of my school years." The kids all nodded, they understood that. "Then I started to write, and I got better. That's how I got where I am today." He looked at D'Nalia. "Right?"

"Very true," she agreed. "Then he decided to hire me, and my twin boys who are four. He's really good about helping others; it's been his whole life since he got famous."

"What have you written?" that one little girl asked.

"Well, right now I'm working on a horror story series."

One of the daycare workers coughed. "I doubt they need to hear about that."

Xander grinned at him. " I know. I wasn't going to say more than that. I could read them some of the fantasy novel I've been trying to write for the last two years though. I left the fight scene at home."

He looked at the boss, who shrugged. "Can I read it first?" he asked.

"Of course." Xander readily handed it over. The man walked away to go read it. "It's not edited at all," he called after him. He smiled at the kids again, all of whom had moved closer. "What can we do until he's done?"

"Read?" the little girl asked, big begging look out in full force.

"Sure, go get a book," D'Nalia told her. "We'll even break up into groups if you want," she offered. A boy ran off to get a book too. "Okay, I'm going to read in that corner," she said, pointing to the right. "Xander, you take the left corner?"

"Okay," he said, moving over there. He accepted the stack of books with a grin at the girl. "Want to sit next to me or in front?"

"Front," she said, plopping herself down right in front of him. "That way I can see the pictures."

"Good job," a daycare worker said quietly as she sat next to him. "How about I help him?" she asked. The kids all nodded; she was their usual storyteller.

***

Xander walked in and sat down on Oz's lap, laying his head on his husband's shoulder. "Bad day?" Oz asked.

"Nope."

"Then why are you tired? And why do you sound scratchy? Are you getting sick?"

"Nope."

"Xander?" Oz asked when his husband didn't say anything else. "Didn't the kids like you?"

"The kids loved him," D'Nalia said as she walked in. "They had him reading stories all day. They even got part of that fantasy epic that he's been stuck on for years." She sank down onto the couch. "Where's the boys?"

"Our bed taking a nap with all the animals." Oz patted Xander's rear. "So, what happened?"

"The girl who begged him for all the stories couldn't see because she needed glasses. One of the boys wanted to know how many presents he made you to keep you here. Another of the girls wanted to know if he'd ever keep a mistress and what age he accepted people at." She grimaced. "But those were the ones whose lives've been too much already." She sighed. "The rest of the kids needed some attention so we gave it to them, and it was tiring."

"Ah," Oz said wisely. "But did you have fun?"

"Yup," Xander said, rubbing his cheek on the warm shoulder. "Lots of fun. Got feedback on the fantasy story. Read a lot today. Told the kids about the jewelry I made. Then the hate group showed up as we left and the parents were coming in, so I got to sign autographs and explain that the last book was because of a cheating lover." He lifted his head long enough to smile. "A lot of the mothers liked that." Then his head went down.

D'Nalia sighed. "The hate group tried to say that Xander had told the kids dark stories full of torture and the daycare workers got into it with them. Then the press showed up, courtesy of the hate group. The daycare workers, on the other hand, were very nice and told the nice reporters all about what Xander had told the kids and about how he had made a large contribution to their expansion fund. The reporter made a contribution on the spot and asked for an autograph. The fearful leader of the hate group got pissed and stomped off." She grinned. "It was just so pretty."

"At least it wasn't something bad," Oz sighed. He patted Xander's butt but the younger man didn't move. "I'd say someone else needed a nap."

"I think he's already visiting that land," she opinioned, looking at his face. "He did good; he only panicked there at the beginning, and then one kid asked him if he was a drag queen."

"Huh?"

"Well, one kid asked if he had a woman and Xander said no, he had a man. Then another kid asked if he danced and sang. Xander admitted to dancing but not singing, and instead he made jewelry and clothes." She snickered at the look on Oz's face. "It was so cute though. They totally had him going for a few minutes. He was answering too many questions tactfully to worry about what the kids were going to do to him." She touched the knife in her hair. "They even liked my shiv."

Oz shook his head. "At least you two had fun while you did good work." He looked down at his husband again. "I guess we'll be here.

"I'll go start supper," she said, getting up to do that. "Soup and bread?" she suggested.

"Sure, or the pasta dish in the freezer," Oz called back. Xander shifted so he carefully laid down, letting Xander find his comfortable spot. This was the good life.

Bastard!

Ray stepped off the plane in Chicago and put on his sunglasses. Hopefully no one would recognize him with his hair dyed light strawberry blond, but you never knew. He shouldered his bag and headed for the rental desk. He would need a decent car, traffic was hell in Chicago, but public transportation was worse. He handed over his second identity's Mastercard and filled out the forms for a nice compact car, smiling at the woman when she flirted at him. "Sorry, I'm here for a funeral," he told her, taking his keys and going out to find his car. He already had reservations at a decent, but not upscale, hotel. Then he had to go do some digging. He climbed into his rental car and smiled at the 'new car' smell that was coming from the hanging cardboard on the mirror. "Yup, nothing seems to change here," he told himself, shutting the door and starting the engine.

***

Ray walked into his old precinct. A call had gotten him an invitation, and he was taking them up on it. Of course, he was wearing a trench coat, a baseball cap, and his sunglasses...but that was okay. They didn't need to know that he was still alive. As far as his former coworkers knew, he was dead. He tapped on the Lieutenant's door, walking in at the yell. "Hey," he said, taking off his sunglasses. "What's going on?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Jack Huey said as he pointed at the door. "Shut and lock it." Ray did as he was told and sat down. "Last we heard, we buried you." He leaned closer. "Lieutenant Welsh told me something strange happened to you, but he never said you weren't dead."

"I'm in hiding," Ray sighed. This was the cover story he had for every law enforcement agency. "One of my former undercover assignments came back to haunt me, and it's bad enough that we can't go through the system. Welsh helped me plan my escape."

"Ah." Jack leaned back in his chair. "So, this is all a ruse?"

"Yeah, a big one," Ray said, taking off his hat so he could run his finger through his sweaty hair. "I'm officially dead and my new identity was nicely created for me by some friends."

"And now you're here because you heard about Vecchio." Jack Huey frowned. "I'm not sure I like this," he said, stroking over the nick on his chin, the dark skin showing the redness very clearly. "I don't like the fact that some stupid asshole with a battle axe is running around my town, and so are supposedly-dead people."

"I'm leaving as soon as I fix this," Ray said calmly. "That's all I want. You can have him otherwise."

"Deal," Jack said. "We've lost three officers going after him so far and he managed to get away from a full SWAT team." He frowned down at his desk. "I have no idea why this guy's using archaic weapons, but I want him in jail." He looked up. "Or dead."

"However it works?" Ray asked.

"And I don't much care how it works at the moment."

"As long as you're willing to say I'm still dead," Ray agreed.

"Done"," Jack said with a faint smile. "Though, I must say, being dead agrees with you. You're healthy looking, and looking like you haven't aged a day." He frowned suddenly. "What do you know about this nutcase?"

"Not much yet," Ray told him. "I'll make you a better report when I have something." He put his hat back on. "I'll let you get back to your paperwork. Where's this shmuck staying?"

"Hilton. We're waiting to get him in an area where innocent people won't be endangered. It's the SWAT Commander's decision."

"Got it," Ray said, putting on his sunglasses. "I'll see you at the funeral this afternoon," he said as he stood up and walked out of the office.

Jack Huey sighed. He didn't like this. Dead people coming back to solve his problems. People with axes cutting off heads in his area. This was just too much. Next, they'd be getting another super Mountie to come and take Frasier's place once he finally left the city again. He shook himself; he didn't need that headache, but he would deal with it if it happened.

***

Ray walked over to his former partner's elderly mother, bowing his head to her. "I'm very sorry Ray died, Mrs. Vecchio," he said softly. She looked at him, and her breath caught on a sob. "I'm going to avenge him."

She pulled him in for a hug. "My Ray told me that you weren't dead," she whispered. "You now guard this family, he said so." She let him go, seeing the understanding. "Come over for tea," she offered.

"Not today. Once this is done I'll be over." He kissed her on the cheek, then walked away. He had someone to stakeout. He barely felt a tingle and looked around, staring at one cop, who shook his head subtly. Maybe he needed to have words with a few people. He watched his partner's funeral from next to a tree, smiling when he saw his favorite Mountie finally showing up, late but in uniform. Maybe he'd talk to Frasier too; he deserved the truth, and the guy wouldn't say anything. He mentally arranged his schedule for the rest of the day as the priest walked up to the casket.

Ray stopped Frasier with a hand on his arm, looking over the rim of his sunglasses at his former friend. "Hey, Benny," he said quietly. "Come walk with me?"

Constable Benton Frasier nodded and walked off with him, heading for a quiet part of the cemetery. "They told me you'd died," he said simply.

"Old case came back to haunt me in a way I couldn't go through the system," Ray said with a slight shrug. "Vecchio knew, but he was sworn to secrecy." He stopped them. "Were you planning on helping me or going after this guy yourself?"

"Ray told me, when this all started, that he expected me to watch out for his family if something happened to him." He rubbed his eyebrow with a thumb. "Are you staying?" Ray shook his head. "Ray, why haven't you aged? It's very noticeable that you haven't aged in the last eighteen years. Even the dye doesn't hide that."

"If I tell ya, you'll not feel right about life anymore," Ray explained. Frasier nodded. "It's not that I don't want to, but I shouldn't because it'll majorly screw with your head." He leaned a little closer. "Let's just say I'm aging *real* slow these days and leave it there, 'kay?"

"Thank you," Frasier said, giving him a smile. "Are you carrying your sword?"

"You know?"

"I had a young man under my tutelage that seemed to have the same problem," Frasier admitted. "He left for his training last year when someone found him out."

"Ah. Well, I'm kinda like that. It's more like I'm the mate to one of them."

"I see. Does it work well?"

"Only until they die," Ray sighed. "Which is one of those things that could still happen any day now." He looked at his friend. "You aren't mad?"

"No, not at all. But was there ever a case?"

"Yup," Ray sighed. "A big one. A Mafia one actually." He started walking again, and the Mountie fell in step with him. "I had to leave sometime but, when one of the smaller Mafia families caught on that I was the one who had taken down their cousin, they weren't real pleased. To make matters worse, this was a ten year old case, and some of the methods me and my partner used were ...irregular. Not going through the system protected us as much as them."

"I see. And now?"

"Now, I'm happy," Ray told him. "Adam and I are very happy. We've got friends like us who we're living with. They have animals, and ferrets. It's like a big commune sorta thing."

"It's good that you found happiness," Frasier told him, stopping him with a hand on his arm. "Are you going after this person? The one who killed Ray?"

"I am," Ray agreed. "Jack Huey just wants him."

"And the aging problem?"

"It's dead or alive right now," Ray told him. "He's killed a few cops; they just want some piece of him to show off to the press, they don't care about which cop, or human, does it for them." He coughed. "Does that bother you?"

"No, I knew you'd do something like that. You've never been one of the bad guys, Ray." He held out a hand, which Ray shook. "Come visit, Ray, I'm teaching in the field now." He turned and walked away.

Ray smiled and went to find that one cop. He had to have a clue, he was a prime target.

****

Ray walked into his hotel room and flipped on the lights, frowning at the man sitting at his room's desk. "Who're you?" he asked as he closed the door.

"I'm your Watcher," the man said, turning to look at him. "I watch you and Xander." He tapped an envelope on the desk. "Joe asked me to deliver this personally and to find out your intentions."

"He killed some people I was very fond of," Ray told him, sitting on the end of the bed. "So, you're helpin'?"

"Not particularly. I'm here more to see if it dissipates or not. Joe thinks that Xander taking a quickening was a fluke. I'm here to see whether or not he was right."

"All right, just stay outta my way," Ray warned him. "How did Joe know I was gonna come alone?"

"He has someone else watching Xander."

"Ah. Then you know about...."

"Oz?" he asked with a smile. "I know what Joe's written, that's all. As for our former coworker, I could care less. He was a little odd for my tastes. It was nice of him to work on his own Chronicle though." He stood up and left the room.

Ray got up and picked up the envelope, staring at the information inside. An information sheet. He knew as much as the Watchers did about this mook now. He sat down to read; he couldn't fight as well as some, but he was sneakier and having the right information would help him there.

***

Ray followed the immortal, whom he now knew as Martin DuChamps-Sinclair, a recent graduate from his own training, down to the artsy district of town. The man had a serious weakness for gourmet food, and it was something this man did every evening. He had managed to get around the police tail, they were looking for the perfect moment to take the asshole - he had to get to him first. Once the immortal had decided on a restaurant, he grabbed a waiter who was smoking in the alleyway behind the restaurant. "I need you take a message to someone," he said, his voice cold and quiet. He handed the guy a note and a fifty. "It's the picky guy who just came in, real asshole that the cops want."

"You a cop?" the waiter asked, looking down at the folded over paper.

"Nope, but we need to have a ...discussion," Ray said, looking at the man. "Just deliver it." He walked away, sure the waiter would like the money enough to do that.

The waiter tossed away his cigarette and talked into his mic. "Do we know this person?" he asked the people monitoring him. The answer he got made him frown at the empty alleyway. "Really? Why'd he do that?" He walked back inside, going to give Sinclair the note. He took a glance at the note, then showed it to his camera. "Maybe we'll jump him then, not too many people around and the one guy's expendable," he muttered as he grabbed a tray of glasses and took it out into the restaurant. He faithfully delivered the note and a glass of water, then went on to stock the other empty tables.

The immortal looked at the simple message and smiled at the code it contained. Yes, this was starting to become interesting.

***

Ray hopped off the hood of his car as Martin walked out into the parking lot. "You ready?" he called.

"Yes, I think this will be a perfect opportunity to test out my new edge," Martin said as he pulled out his axe. "Shall we?" he suggested when Ray didn't move.

"Yeah, sure," Ray said, moving closer. "I see your teacher never taught you proper blade care," he noted as he ducked under the first swing and took a swipe at the man with his sword. "You really shouldn't leave blood on it, it'll rust."

"You aren't very old, are you?" Martin sneered. "Probably not even out of your preliminary training yet."

"Not really," Ray admitted, "but I've got good teachers." He ducked another swing and used the man's momentum against him, pushing him into a building. "Actually, I've got three of them."

"You do-gooders are all the same," Martin snorted. "All so willing to die young."

"Yeah, well, you shouldn't've gone after people I used to consider family," Ray said with a shrug, and the real fight was on. He danced out of range, making the immortal wear himself out. "You know, you guys are all the same too - always too quick to come after guys like me," he panted as Martin backed off, following after him. "I mean, how stupid do you have to be to come after someone like me?"

"Why? Never taken a head?"

"Well, not really," Ray said with a grin, "but I'm *really* looking forward to yours." He ducked under a tired swing and scored on Martin's stomach. "So," he said, knocking the other man down with a shove of a shoulder. He was getting too tired, he needed to end this soon. "What shall we do now?" He snorted at the pulled gun. "Yay. I have a bigger one," he said, pulling it out and pointing it down at him. "Even if you killed me, you still couldn't get anything from me."

"Why? You're not a pre-immie. I can feel you so I know you're not pre."

"No, I'm a mate," Ray said with a feral grin as he first shot the gun hand then swung and took the guy's head. "I'm not really in the game, but, for you, I'll make an exception," he said, backing away from the body and his car. Thankfully, this guy hadn't taken too many heads, his quickening wasn't that strong. By the time it was done, he was on his knees on the ground, but still able to think. He pulled out his cellphone and checked it, then smiled when he figured out it was still working and dialed the number for the 27th Precinct. "Hey, I need to talk to Jack Huey. No, I just found that copkiller guy and the news said to talk to him. Nah," he said with a spit at the body. "Seems someone took care of him for you guys." He left his phone there and got into his car, leaving the axe there. There were some people who'd be wanting that, maybe even his ex-wife Stella; the Prosecutor's Office was always happy to get such presents. He drove away, waiting down the street until he saw the sirens. They had it now.

***

Ray tapped on Mrs. Vecchio's door, giving her a smile. "It's taken care of," he told her, handing over a card. "It's a local number for Chicago, but it'll reach me wherever I am," he told her. "Ray would want me to take care of his family. No matter what year it is, I'm there," he told her, giving her another kiss on the cheek and then walking away.

She looked at the card in her hands, smiling down at him. "He was right," she whispered. "He is one of the good ones." She shut the door and went back to the living room. She handed the card to her daughters. "Ray didn't lie," she told them. "If we need that nice one, he'll be here shortly," she declared as she sat down.

Francesca looked down at the card, then at her mother. "You're still saying Ray Kowalski is alive, Ma? He died *years* ago."

"No, he had a case," Frasier said as he walked into the living room with a tray of tea implements. "I talked with him also." He smiled at the woman who was like a mother to him. "May I copy that number?"

"Of course," Ma Vecchio said, smiling at him. "Are you staying?"

"I've been reassigned here," he told her, pouring her a cup of tea. "I'll never be that far away." He smiled at the two daughters. "From any of you...if you need it."

Francesca smiled at him. "Sure, *now* you promise that, after I'm married," she teased. "But what about when a woman comes to steal you?"

Frasier laughed. "No one would dare try," he told her, giving her an affectionate pat on the shoulder.

***

Ray handed in his keys and headed for his gate, not expecting anyone to be waiting on him. "Bresbiss," he said with a nod as he sat down beside her. "Making sure I go away?"

She hugged him and handed him back his phone. "Here, you left this, Jack said you'd want it back," she said, then she got up and left.

Ray tucked it into his pocket, smiling at the feel of the second phone. Methos would understand, he had to have felt like a guardian for a family sometime in his lengthy past. And if not, Xander would probably be able to explain it to him. He'd be there when they needed him.

The Troubles Of A Bored Xander.

Oz woke up to the feeling of being walked on, only the feet were staying in one spot. "Your cat is stomping on me again," he muttered, pushing the cat off his chest.

"That means she loves you," Xander said, typing away on his computer.

"She's still stomping on me and I don't like to be walked on," Oz said, closing his eyes again and curling up on Xander's thigh. "What's up?"

"Checking my mail, making sure Ray didn't send a distress call."

"Anything interesting?"

"Only to Meth," Xander said, shutting down his laptop and putting it aside. His fingers found their way into Oz's hair, now returned to it's natural color, and started to smooth the soft strands between his fingers. "So, what's this I hear about you and Meth taking off for a few months of intense training?" he asked quietly.

"We do it every few decades," Oz said, his eyes closed. He swatted at the cat, who was still stomping on him. "Can't you make her stop that?" he complained.

Xander reached down and petted his kitten on the head. "She loves you. If you'd pet her, she'd probably go play." He smiled as Oz patted her then pushed her off onto the bed. After a few sniffs at Oz's butt, she left them alone to go play. "See?"

"Yay." Oz looked up. "Are you going to be okay with us leaving you and Ray here for a few months?"

"Sure. You *are* planning on taking care of the bills first, right?" Oz nodded. "Then we should be fine. If not, Ray should be home by then."

"Which is why we're planning it for now." Oz put his head back down. "This is nice."

"Yeah, it is," Xander said, looking a little sad. His Oz was leaving him. For *months*. What was he going to do while he was alone? Who was going to have sex with him when he needed to wear out his 'unique hormonal condition'? Ray probably wasn't going to want to stay home with him. He'd probably take off to go see Danny and Blair for part of it. What would he do while he was alone? "So, when exactly were you guys leaving, and where are you going?"

"In the next month or so," Oz said quietly. "As for where, we tend to wander until we find a spot that feels right. Last time we ended up in the Soviet Union for three months, and trapped for another six." He regretted telling him that as soon as he felt the thigh muscles stiffen under his cheek. "I promise, we'll be in the main part of Europe this time. No place we'll get stuck or land in the middle of a civil war."

"Okay," Xander agreed. "But you'd better teach me how to do some of the usual stuff before you leave. Just in case."

"Yup, I'm already planning most of that," Oz admitted, looking up at his husband. "You sure you'll be all right?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Xander said, pushing his doubts away, far away. He could worry later, he was good at worrying later actually. "Am I staying here?"

"I guess that's up to you, but I'd like to know where you are. Don't worry," he said as he lunged up for a kiss. "I'll stay in contact. You'll know where we are and how we're doing all the time." His husband nodded so he relaxed. Xander would deal, and it'd only be for a few months. "So, what's this about a fabric convention?"

"There's one in a few weeks. The nice lady at the fabric shop gave me the flyer and suggested that I should go." He grinned weakly. "She said I might even find a spot where I could buy wholesale."

"Hmm, that'd be nice," Oz agreed, going back to his position of being petted. This was nice, this quiet time. Maybe they'd spend some more time like this before he and Methos left.

Xander contemplated the fact that he was going to be alone for *months* and shuddered internally. This was not going to be fun.

***

Ian and Sean walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, letting them see their targets. Two big shiny boxes that were Oz's presents, ones that he wasn't sharing with them. The twins pulled down the boxes and put them on the kitchen floor, opening them to peer down at the contents. Sean looked over at his brother, then down at himself, then inside the box again. "It's boy parts," he noted.

"Yeah," Ian agreed, pulling the cookie one out. "It's food. I've seen Mommy nibbling on a piece of this one."

Sean hummed and pulled his out, accidentally getting some on his thumb. He licked it off and smiled. "Chocolate," he said in appreciation. He grinned at his brother, who nodded and got up to get a spoon. They weren't allowed to play with the knives, but spoons worked well to dig at things too. He gave it to his brother and watched as he cut into the chocolate boy part, laughing when some of it flew across the room. They had gotten the chocolate one torn down and were eating it while they worked on the cookie one when Oz found them.

Oz gave out his most girlish scream of, "D'NALIA!"

She came running and stared down at her little Hell's Angels, then over at her boss. "At least they weren't laughing maniacally as they did it," she offered as she grabbed her twins and hurried them back to their apartment.

Xander came running up the stairs but stopped when he saw the destruction of his gifts to his husband. "Twins?" he asked, pulling Oz in for a hug.

"Yes, they were enjoying cutting into them."

"At least they weren't real," Xander soothed, but that made Oz shudder. "Sorry." He let his husband go, giving him a light shove toward the office. "Go sit and take your mind off this while I clean it up." He waited until Oz was gone to shake his head and go for the broom and dustpan. Their housekeeper came in while he was scrubbing the last of the chocolate off the floor. "Hey, did they have fun?"

"They're fascinated by the human body at this age," she explained as she got down to help him. "But they're really sorry."

He shrugged. "I can always make him another one. No big." He glanced around. "He was having trouble cutting into them anyway," he admitted. "They were a little too realistic for his tastes."

"And the boys weren't giving off evil laughter," she offered.

"Hey, as long as we don't start them onto the path of torturers or serial killers because of this, then I'm happy," he told her, giving her the sponge. "Here, you finish this. I'm working on a better present for Oz. Did you know he and Meth are leaving for a few months?"

She shook her head and patted him on the arm. "I'm sure they'll come back really quickly, Xander. Who would want to stay away from you?"

He shook his head. "I'm not worried about him coming back. If he ever tried to leave me, I'd hunt him down and make him sorry," he reminded her with a faint grin. "I'm more worried about being mostly alone for a few months. I tend to get into trouble when I'm alone."

She nearly stopped herself from snickering, but not quite. "I'm sure the boys will be able to wear that urge out of you." She finished cleaning up the floor, letting him get back to his spoiling. "Oh, this is going to be so not fun," she muttered as she tossed out the remaining pieces of the two cocks. Then she went to the office. "They're very sorry," she said from the doorway. "They know they're not supposed to touch other people's things, especially not presents."

Oz looked up at her. "They enjoyed it."

"Of course. They're nearly five. Everyone did at that age. I enjoyed the most gross things I could find back then." She shut the door as she came in, and sat across from him. "Oz, how long are you leaving for?"

"Just a few months," he sighed. "I've already set everything up to automatically pay you and Henri. And I'm counting on you to keep Xander out of trouble." She snorted. "I know. It'll be a challenge, but you've got to try. Without me here to dilute his hormones we might start getting overrun with demons again." He leaned back some. "Are you going to stay all summer?"

"Nah, I think I'm going to switch out with Henri, go play Lady of the Manor with the boys. I don't think we're ready for summer in Miami yet." She wiggled some. "How do I keep him out of trouble?"

"Keep him occupied. Give him a problem to solve," he suggested. "Tell him you three need new clothes. I know he got patterns in the boys' size, and I think he got one in yours too." She frowned at that. "Let him do it," Oz suggested mildly. "Spoiling others makes him happy and content. Spoiling the boys will keep him occupied. And I'm sure he's not going to dress them in velvet."

She shook herself. "I was wondering where those cotton pants had come from," she admitted. "Besides that, anything else we need to deal with?"

"Only if he leaves," he said dryly. "Then I'd like to know."

She nodded. "Of course. I'll talk with Henri tonight to see when she wants to switch." He nodded. "Thank you for taking care of all this stuff before you leave. I don't think Xander would intentionally forget to pay us, but...."

"His attention can wander from the mundane," Oz finished. "I've noticed. That's why I pay the bills. We've actually had the cable shut off once because he had forgotten to pay the bills for a few months." He shrugged. "It happens and I'll try to minimize it before we leave." He watched as she left, going back to his surfing the map site for likely places to go wander with his teacher. They both really needed to get away from their husbands and just go be free for a while. Not that they'd cheat, but the full Xander and Ray experience was a bit stifling at times. This would do them some good. All of them. Even Xander would have a chance to become more independent. Not that he'd like it, but he needed it. He clicked on a city on the map, humming in admiration. Some very pretty artwork in Florence these days. Maybe they'd stop there. He put the city on his list.

***

Xander looked over as the door opened and grinned. "Hey," he told his missing roommate. "They left last night." He lifted his arm and Ray slid under to give him a hug.

"They called me." Ray gave him a squeeze. "How're you doing with them gone?"

"I'm bored," Xander said, flinging his magazine away so he could pull the other man into his lap. "I'm *so* bored."

"Want to go out to dinner?"

"Nope, did that already," Xander sighed. He cuddled Ray closer. "How did it go?"

"I got the shmuck. Oh, and we can take quickenings, and they hurt like hell too," he noted, rubbing the back of his neck. "And we've got a Watcher of our very own."

"Really?" Xander said, looking up at him. "Huh. I should find out who and get rid of them. I don't like being spied on." He started a slow rocking motion. "D'Nalia and Henri are switching out in a few weeks. The twins got Oz's birthday presents."

"Ow," Ray complained. "Ate it?"

"Spooned them to death."

"Ow," Ray said with more feeling.

"Yup. Oz screamed when he found them." That got a small snicker. "But D'Nalia doesn't want to spend the summer with us."

"Wanna head out?" Ray asked. "We could go back home."

"Nope. We could go to Vermont."

"I don't want to go up there. If we travel, I want something more than scenery." Ray looked over at his best friend. "You're really torn up about this, huh?" he asked.

"Yeah, I already miss them," Xander admitted. "They woke me up this morning to say goodbye. But Oz did say that he took care of all the bills."

"I guess that's good," Ray agreed. "I can do that too if we need to." He got off the welcoming lap and sat beside his friend. "So, do you want to travel too?"

"I don't know," Xander admitted. He looked down at the small box on the table. "They're still in New York."

Ray groaned and covered up the monitor. "They went away to get away from us, not for us to follow them."

"But I want to," Xander complained. "I want to know that they're all right."

"They're fine," Ray reminded him. "Meth didn't survive for over five thousand years to get into trouble on a vacation. At the worst, he'll run away and hide until he can get safely back to us." He leaned his head on Xander's shoulder, trying to distract him. "Wanna go visit Danny and Blair?"

"I called them to see if they're home. They're on extended vacation or work, I'm not sure which, for the next two weeks."

"Ah." Ray patted Xander again. "So, what do you want to do?"

"Not be alone?"

"That would probably be a good idea," Ray agreed, hiding his grin. Xander could be such a baby sometimes about being left alone. He knew it was because the younger man *needed* to be around people. He needed interaction to be sane. It didn't make it less of a whine though. He needed to get Xander's mind off this separation right now, or he'd never be able to do anything while they were gone. "How about we go shopping?"

"I did that last week," Xander sighed. "I'm all shopped out."

"Okay." Ray snuggled in. "I have a second phone now. I'm guarding Ray Vecchio's family."

"I'm sorry he died," Xander said quietly, giving him a squeeze. "Who was the idiot?"

"Martin DuChamps-Sinclair. Not very old, but very stupid."

"Then it's a good thing he's dead, less chance of him doing more harm." Ray looked up at him. "No one ever said I was a great philosopher."

"Point," Ray agreed with the hint of a smile. "What's on the agenda for today? Because I'm not sittin' around and moping."

"I was going to have the boys force me to go buy them books."

"Cool. Let's go get the stuff so we can do that." He shot up and gave his friend a kiss on the cheek, then headed into the bedroom.

Xander sighed and uncovered the monitor, smiling when he saw the blip had moved. "Connecticut? That's an interesting place to go train." He forced himself to get up and go get changed. The boys needed more stuff to do; their talent at destroying things had gotten too much of a workout recently.

***

Xander held the door open for the boys, smiling at their mother. "We got all the ones they wanted," he told her, watching the boys drag in their new cart with their new books. "They insisted," he said when she started to frown. He disappeared as she opened her mouth, going out to help Ray get the rest of the books. By the time he got back, the boys were babbling in stereo about their trip to the bookstore and the new bookcases Xander had bought them. He gave her a smile and headed for the bedroom. Ray had said he'd put together the bookcases.

"Xander!" Ray called. "I could still use a hand!"

"I can't build stuff," Xander called back.

"You bought it, come help me build it."

"Fine," Xander sighed, coming out to help Ray build the bookshelves. "Where are they?"

"In the back of the car," Ray told him. "I told you I'm not carryin' them in. We have space on the shelves."

"No we don't," D'Nalia said. "We don't have any room on any of the shelves." She smiled down at her sons. "Pick three books for tonight and go put the rest up in your room." They sat down to pick out their books, suggesting ones to each other. She looked over at Xander. "How many more are there?"

"A lot," Ray told her. "We need some help anyway." He headed out to go get some of the last pile of books with her, Xander was carrying in those bookcases whether or not he liked it.

Xander followed them out, coming back with the cheap pressboard bookcases and dropped them in the living room. Then he went downstairs to find some tools.

D'Nalia dragged in the shopping cart full of books with a sigh and a glare at Ray. "He misses them," Ray reminded her. "Spoiling others makes him feel better."

"Yay," she said. "He bought out the bookstore."

"Only one of most things," Ray said with a grin. "But the books they fought over have two copies."

"We're going to have to do something about this eventually," she reminded him.

"Hey, donations are always welcome at most daycares and public libraries." Ray smiled suddenly. "And I bet that we might even talk Xander into doing a story hour at the local library."

"Maybe," she agreed with a smile. "Volunteer work would give him something to look forward to." She shut up as Xander walked up the stairs with a set of tools. "Which room gets these?"

"I figured we'd either crowd the office or we'd put some of them in your apartment and some in the guest bedroom," Xander told her, handing over the tools. "Food?"

"Yeah, I left the bag in the front seat," Ray told him. Xander sighed and went out to go rescue the food. "Don't forget to check for animals," he called after him. "We left the door open."

Xander came in carrying two ferret babies. "There's still one in the car but I can't get her. I'll go out in an hour and get her then." He kicked the door shut and went to put the bag of Chinese food in the kitchen. It was usually best cold anyway. He came out to dutifully hold the boards for the bookshelves, giving a hand as best he could. "What do you want to do tonight?" he asked when D'Nalia took the first completed one back to the guest bedroom.

"I was thinkin' about watchin' some TV and maybe reading to the boys," Ray told him. "Did you want to do somethin' different?"

"I was thinking about not staying in tonight," Xander admitted. "The house seems really quiet."

"Hey, have fun," Ray told him. Looking back later that night, he would regret saying that. He had forgotten what sort of trouble Xander got into when he was alone.

***

Ray woke up alone and blinked in lack of comprehension at the clock, which he thought was ringing. He finally figured out it was the phone and picked it up. "Yeah?" he groaned into it. He sat up, looking over at the clock. "Is he all right?" He rubbed his forehead. "As long as he's fine, I'll be down in an hour to get him. He's not under arrest, right?" He sighed in relief. "Thank God you guys stepped in." He listened for a minute more. "Sure, I'll be down within the hour. Just give him something to eat and it'll solve that problem." He hung up and headed for the bathroom. "D'Nalia, are you up?" he yelled as he walked into the hallway.

"I'm up," she called back. "I'm making breakfast."

"Just coffee, leave food until I rescue Xander from some cops." He slammed the bathroom door and climbed into the shower, standing at the far end while the water warmed up. So he got a good look at the housekeeper as she stuck her head into the shower. "Did you want to share with me?" he asked in his normal smart-ass way.

"No. Cops?"

"An off-duty one was at the same club Xander was dancin' in, and got caught in the riot. But he managed to save Xander from the scumbag that wanted to kidnap him." He walked into the water and let it run over him. "This is like the old days," he complained. "Xander hasn't had these problems in a while, that's why I let him go out alone last night. Oz is gonna have my nuts for this."

She reached in and patted him on the butt. "Don't worry, you can hide behind me. It's not your fault Oz is the only one who can keep the bad things from happening to Xander." She closed the shower door and left him to finish in privacy.

Ray shook the water off his hair and smiled. "She understands," he noted to himself. "Maybe that means she'll watch him while he's chained to the bed." He grabbed his shampoo bottle and then tossed it away. "Empty." He grabbed the only other bottle of shampoo in the shower and poured a good amount onto his hand.

***

Ray walked into the police station, straight up to the Desk Sergeant's desk. "I'm here for the problem child," he said quietly, taking off his sunglasses.

"Which one?" he asked in a bored tone of voice.

"The twenty-something hot guy with the long dark hair, complete with white streaks, that got a few cops caught in a riot in a club last night."

"Oh, the Harris sort of problem child." He looked Ray over. "He yours?"

"Nearly. His husband's out of town for a few months. I'm his best friend and live-in editor." The cop muttered something like 'I thought it was him'.

"What?" Ray asked.

"He asked for some paper and a pen so he could get a start on his next book," the officer said, nodding Ray back toward the offices. "Last one in the hallway, can't miss it. It says Captain on it."

Ray smiled thinly. "I've been in a few of them. He under arrest?"

"Ask the Captain that," the Sergeant suggested. "Just give me enough time to get the first aid kit."

Ray shook his head as he walked back to the Captain's office. He knocked and walked in at the holler. "So, you woke me up because he started a riot?" he asked as he sat down.

The Captain looked over at Ray and glared at him. "You sound awfully familiar about this sort of thing." Ray tossed his former badge onto the desk. "Oh." The Captain pushed it back. "How long you been gone?"

"Since a case came back to haunt me." Ray got comfortable. "I'm in hiding. What happened, and is he under arrest?"

"Apparently, and this comes from our officer who is still in the hospital, someone tried to hit on him. Your boy...friend...."

"We're not that way. His husband's out of town for the next few months. I'm fillin' in."

The Captain shook his head. "That's a bit more than I wanted to know." But he smiled. "Anyway, someone tried to grab your boy and take him. So your boy beat the crap outta him." His smile got brighter. "And this boy had friends, who your boy pulled a *sword* on." Ray winced. "Yeah, but it's all good because there were six or seven of them and your boy got them all. The DA said it was self-defense, and a very good job of it because he didn't kill them." His smile got really bright now. "But then again, the riot wasn't because of that. Someone else there got him calmed down and out onto the dance floor. Your boy ended up go-go dancing in a cage. *That* started the riot, which my boys got caught up in."

Ray just shook his head. "This only happens when Xander's alone," he told the Captain. "I'm sorry it happened. Do we owe damages? Are the cops mostly all right?"

The Captain laughed. "Your boy kept asking me that second question until we let him listen in to the call to the hospital. The one boy's under observation, one's getting a pin put into his arm, and the rest just have bumps and bruises. A few more than some of the others." He snorted. "Matter of fact, this let me know which of my guys are stupid enough to jump into the middle of a riot without protective gear, so I ought to thank your boy."

Ray chuckled. "I was one of them at one point in time." He grabbed his badge and hid it again. "Can I take him home?"

"Sure, take him home, put him to bed, and you might want to check out this newest story too. Seems real far fetched to me. But reality, as they say, can be stranger than fiction."

Ray stood up and shook his hand. "Thanks for watching out for Xander. I know his husband will probably send you a nice box of chocolates for it. He babies Xander so things like this don't happen." He walked out, heading out to the room next door, which had been pointed at. "Xander?" he called, tapping on the door. He was pounced as soon as it was open. "Grab your stuff, let's go. I wanna have a long talk with you." He patted Xander on the butt and let him go. He was safe, that was all that was important right now. Later was probably a different story all together.

Xander walked into the house, giving D'Nalia a sheepish look. "I didn't do anything," he told her when he saw her frown.

"He was nearly kidnaped, so he kicked their asses, and then he got talked into go-go dancing," Ray said dryly. "That's what caused the riot."

D'Nalia shook her head and headed back to the kitchen. "I was nice, I made breakfast. Come eat, Xander, and then go take a nap." She waited until he had served himself, then looked at Ray. "Any idea if this got into the papers yet?"

"Oh, yeah," Ray said, tossing a paper over. "We stopped to check. It made the papers, and they know it was him. Oz is gonna shit bricks over this one."

"No, he won't," Xander said through a mouthful of eggs. "He'll assume that you were there." He swallowed and got up to get himself some milk. "Thanks, D'Nalia; you're a good mom." He gave her a hug as he walked back to his seat. "S'good," he said as he sat down again. "Ray, eat," he said quietly, not looking at his friend. "I'm not going to be charged though," he told her. "I protected myself, and self-defense is good according to the DA who talked to me when they brought me in."

She shook her head and walked away. "I don't want to know. Please don't teach that gift to the boys." She headed up to her apartment. The boys were too quiet, it was probably time for her to check on them again.

Ray dished himself up some breakfast too and came over to sit down across from Xander. "So, you feel any better now?" Xander shook his head. "What're you gonna do today?"

"Sleep. Maybe some forge work to get out some frustration. I got hit with a plot last night, but I hit a sticking spot." He scraped his plate and went to put it into the sink. "Want to come nap with me?"

"Nah, I got some sleep last night," Ray said, giving him a hug. "Go nap, I'll watch over the house and take care of everything."

"Thanks. If anyone calls about last night, can you tell them I didn't plan on the riot?" he asked hopefully.

"Sure." Ray waited until Xander was gone to moan and shake his head. "This could get messy," he sighed, digging into his food. He had a feeling he was going to need it. The longer Oz and Methos were gone, the worse this was going to become. And it was only the second day.

***

Ray put down the phone, leaving it off the hook. Someone had published their phone number, and he was tired of bitching at the people who were calling to ask Xander out on a date. Didn't they know he was married? He leaned back to enjoy the quiet, smiling at the sound of Xander hammering out something downstairs. Maybe he'd go down and help. "Nah, I'm gonna stay right here," he told himself, turning on the TV. One of the daytime gossip shows happened to be on.

"And on the Criminal Justice section, coming up next," the blonde announcer said, smiling at the camera, "is the story of a popular author and his night of debauchery."

Ray flipped the channel to some real news, groaning when the riot was being covered. He turned it to the animal channel, smiling when Xander's name wasn't mentioned anywhere. He checked his watch. Ten p. m. Time enough for Leno later. He seemed to like Xander. The pounding downstairs stopped but Xander's cry of frustration and whatever he'd been working on hitting a wall came up quiet clearly. "Problems?" he called down.

"Yes," Xander called back, sounding calm. "I hate knives."

"So make prettier stuff," Ray called down. "Make Henri stuff."

"I already did that," Xander yelled, sounding like he was losing patience. "I'm *BORED*!"

Ray felt an ice cold chill run across his body. For someone who was a genius for getting into trouble, being that bored was dangerous. He was sure that one phrase was the most dangerous in the history of the world. He had to do something. So he got up and went down to help Xander work on something. "Let's see what you've done so far," he said as he stepped off the stairs.

"It's over there on the table," Xander sighed from his corner, where he was curled up and drinking some water.

Ray went over to look over the new pieces of jewelry, and the bent dagger, and smiled. "Well, you did say you were thinking about starting a store," Ray reminded him. "Maybe you should think about that now."

"No thanks," Xander sighed, uncurling to come over and look over his new creations. "I'm still not happy with that one necklace," he told his friend.

"Maybe you need to thin out the wires," Ray suggested. "It's kinda small."

Xander picked it up to look at it. "Yeah, maybe," he said, sounding better. "I can probably do that." He sat down to work on the thin wires holding the sections of the necklace together. "Why did you come down?"

"You said you were bored, I was gonna help with that," Ray said, sitting down next to him to watch. This sort of stuff could be fascinating to watch, sometimes, but tonight, it was probably going to be nap inducing. He jerked back into the world of the awake and looked over to find Xander looking at him. "Sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night."

"That's okay," Xander told him, giving him a hug. "Go take a nap. I'm almost done for the night." He smiled as Ray got up and headed upstairs, then finished working on the wire he'd been playing with. "And then I'm going to go to that one place that I heard about last night," he told himself. "It'll be good to go see if anyone I know is there." He put aside his work and got up, heading up to the bathroom and the clothes he had stashed there. When he came out, he noticed the TV was on and the news was almost over. He listened dispassionately as the riot was rehashed, then shrugged it off. "No one got hurt," he told himself. When Leno started, he decided to see if he'd caught wind of it too. The host liked to make fun of him, and it amused Xander to let it happen. When the joke happened, he laughed along with the crowd, and even cheered when Kevin reminded him that Xander was a scary guy. So Jay said, 'let him come on and prove it'. Xander decided to take that invitation. He went into the library to email his editor, see if he could arrange it. Then he went out to the local demon club to have some safer fun. He wasn't radiating on that level yet.

***

Ray woke up to the sound of a ringing phone and reached over for it, but it stopped suddenly. He moaned as he sat up, obviously alone, and grunted as he got out of bed. He looked at the housekeeper, who had answered the phone. "Where is he?" he grunted as he went for the coffee she had made.

"He's fine," she said, hanging up the phone. "He's sleeping on the couch, with his sword. The boys saw it and came to get me up instead of trying to take it away from him and the ferret kit who was trying to nibble on the stone." She patted him on the head. "And he's got slime on him."

"XANDER!" Ray yelled.

"Huh? What's up?" Xander asked, sitting up, rubbing the back of his hand across his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Why were you out at a demon club?" Ray asked, walking out to look down at him. "You know better than to go out to demon clubs without some muscle."

"I went out to a club. Oh, and Leno challenged me to come onto the show." He yawned as he stood up, heading for the coffee himself. "Morning, D'Nalia," he sighed as he found an empty pot. He started another one, but she corrected the amount of coffee he put into the pot. He gave her a hug and went to take a shower while she did that for him. He blew a kiss. "Thanks."

She made a face, looking down at her shirt. "Eww," she said, pointing at the goo now on her.

"Go change," Ray told her. "I'm gonna put Maalox into his coffee."

"Like that'll stop him," she snorted, going up to change and possibly take a shower.

***

Xander tried to sneak out the third night, but the lights came on and Ray was sitting there on the couch. "Snack run?" Ray asked.

"Nope, fashion snarking. I have a date to go make fun of people's clothing choices."

"Uh-huh. And what does the phrase 'you will not leave this house alone' mean to you?"

"That you're trying to boss me around," Xander told him, starting to get cooler. "Oz obviously wanted me to spend some time alone, so I am."

Ray didn't laugh, but it was close. "He didn't want you to spend some time alone. They both made it very clear that I was not to leave you alone, not to let you out alone, and not to let you go anywhere near a demon club." He crossed his arms over his chest. "I know they didn't tell you that so you wouldn't get upset, but I'm not coming down to get you from the police station ever again."

"I didn't get arrested last night," Xander reminded him. "I found a very nice demon who's attached to my demon family. We had a lot of fun and no damage. Not even a vampire coming up to me to say something about my clothes."

"Yay. You're not going out alone ever again."

"Then come with me," Xander challenged.

"Ha. Not gonna happen. You *know* they don't like us. We feel like immies so they hate us."

"Not *all* of them," Xander protested. "Some of them are groupies."

"Gee, *just* what you need, groupies," Ray said sarcastically. "I'm sure your husband would *love* that."

"He knows," Xander ground out. "And this is a family member."

"You walk out that door, and I'm gonna go find the guys and tell them," Ray warned.

"Yay, have fun. Tell them I said hi and I learned the lesson." Xander walked out, slamming the door, only to come back in and grab his jacket. He slammed the door for a second time and left.

Ray sighed and went to the library. He knew their temporary email address, and it was going to be a hell of a night.

***

Ray paced along the house, checking his watch compulsively. Xander hadn't come home last night. He hadn't been arrested, he had already checked that worry out. Xander also hadn't left any sign of the club he was going to, or where the demon club was, so he couldn't check on him that way. He heard a car outside and jogged out to the front window, glaring at the young man stepping out of the nice car. He walked over and opened the door, glaring at him. "Where were you?"

"Out," Xander said, pushing past him and heading for the shower. He placed his sword on the sinks before stripping and tossing his clothes toward the special 'don't do this for us' basket. He had just climbed under the hot water when Ray walked in. "Go away," he called. "I'm not in the mood to listen to you."

"You've got ick on your blade," Ray said, opening the door enough to stick his head in. He dodged the sponge the younger man threw at him. "What happened? Why didn't you call?"

"Because nothing happened," Xander told him, turning away from him.

Ray frowned when he saw the bruises on Xander's arms. "Uh-huh, nothing happened? Then why do you have bruises?" He stripped and climbed in too, grabbing Xander for a hug. "Tell me, I won't yell," he offered.

"One of the demons got hyped up on some drugs and tried to cause trouble," Xander admitted. "It was fixed."

"By you?"

"Partially." Xander turned to get a real hug. "He started a family war by attacking me. It was Micah who grabbed me when he came to the interrogator's office in the Demonic Police Department."

"So, nothing happened?"

"No, nothing happened. Nothing that I couldn't handle." Xander got free and went back to his shower. "You worry worse than I do," he told his friend. "How's Oz?"

"He's fine. Pissed but fine. He said I was to chain you to the bed and not let you out alone."

"Of course he did," Xander sighed, turning to get the back of his lower back-length hair wet. "Unfortunately, I got a message last night; I'm needed in Colorado to report. Hand me the shampoo please?" Ray handed it over. "Thanks."

"Here, let me," Ray said, pouring some shampoo out and working it into the black, fine hair with the white streaks. "When do you have to go?"

"I have a flight this afternoon. Apparently the Stargate goes to a demon plane too. That's how I got the message. Jack showed up at the DPD."

"Crap. Want company? I make a good bodyguard."

"You were invited if you didn't want to stay home alone," Xander admitted. "But Blair and Danny aren't back yet."

"That's fine," Ray said quickly. He let the hair go. "Rinse it." He got out and went to look over the dirty sword. "We'll need some more lighter fluid to burn this off," he called.

"I'll burn it off downstairs. I can get a flame." Xander scrubbed his back. "Ray, I could use some help."

Ray climbed back in, taking the back brush and went to work on the soft, but dirty skin.

***

Xander strode into the meeting area in Cheyenne Mountain, nodding at the General. "I have a report," he said, tossing over a CD. "Sorry, I finished it on the plane."

"We can print it out," General Hammond said, giving him a smile. "What can we use them for?"

"Well," Xander said as he took a seat on the end. "I tried the fabric, it rips. It's one of those cloths that's better for decoration than anything else. If you put any pressure at all on it, it rips. So, basically the guys who said you can't make uniforms out of it were right." He smiled. "The stone was a different matter though. Yeah, it flakes, but it flakes like obsidian, only more fragile. Not at all for decoration, but it does conduct energy. It got positively hot when I tried to shape a flake of it, and I wasn't heating it at all." The General looked interested in that. "You might want to move in that direction for that stuff. As for the new metal," he waved a hand in the air in the classic 'so-so' manner. "Not real useful. It's not very strong. It's actually weaker than normal silver. It isn't fragile unless you cool it wrong. Then it shatters. It heats really pretty. It heats *real* well. I'd say it had something in common with the energy metal, maybe even going so far as to say it was one of the metals that go into making it. It does conduct electricity and heat; I lit a cigarette with it. I shaped it," he said, taking out a small bundle from his pocket and unwrapping the handkerchief around it. "It's not real stable," he reminded them when he saw it was broken. "This was cooled a little too fast to be of use, but it's okay for certain uses." He pushed it over to Sam, the brilliant astrophysicist that he worked with. "Maybe you can do something with it with my basic findings," he told her.

She picked up a piece to look at it. "How long did you spend on this?"

"Three days."

"I see." She put it down. "At least it gives us a place to start."

"Which is what I was supposed to do," he reminded her. "I don't have the high-tech lab or the skills to use one even if I decided to build one for myself. I know about bending and shaping the metals, but not much more than that. You do the real science, that's what you get paid for."

General Hammond coughed, breaking up the impending argument. "Yes, that is what she's here for," he said, looking over at her. She nodded. "But that does take months off investigating these new things."

"It does," Sam agreed quickly. "It means that someone, who probably couldn't work with metal that way, won't mess it up for months on end and make the other base go back over it."

"Yeah, that would be a pain," Jack said, looking over at Xander. "Where was I last night?"

"On a demon plane. One of the open ones. A demon in the club I had been having fun in got pissed and started trouble with me. The Demonic Police had to come break it up before it became a family war. You ended up in the Police Station after that was all over with."

"Oh." Jack looked at his boss, then at Sam. "Why are we able to do this?"

"I actually asked someone about that while I was stuck up there," Xander said, reaching into his briefcase and tossing over a report to the General. "He theorizes that it's temporary - due to an alignment issue that's about to stop being an issue."

The General looked at the first page, then handed it to Sam. "Can you please summerize that for us, Captain Carter?"

"Of course, sir."

"In English maybe?" Jack asked.

"I'll try," she said with a frown as she continued to read. "Are the teams already deployed trapped?"

"Not unless the other gates correspond to a planular area," Xander told her. "I asked specifically because I knew Danny and Blair were working on a dig somewhere. He said that this sort of thing has happened before, but it's very rare, and if they left within the last week or so, then they should be able to get back. But he did alert the Demonic Police to this situation so, if they find any teams, they'll send them to my brother, who will then send them to me, and I'll send them back here." He clapped his hands. "Now, what else can I do for you?"

"Can you pull out a better budget?" Jack asked tiredly.

"No, but I can talk to Micah about that. There's a few demons who have friends in Congress. There's even a demon guarding the White House. He helped us once."

Jack shook his head. "Okay, more than I wanted to know about the political process."

"Think of it as really odd looking lobbiers, sir," Sam suggested.

"Basically," Xander agreed, "but most look human when they're down here. Think of it more as a foreign special interest group."

Jack nodded. "I can do that." He looked at his boss. "Have we tried any of the groups that are out?"

"We tried one," Sam admitted. "It went somewhere very dark." She turned a page. "Okay, here we go. It's a heavenly body and energy alignment," she told them. "And it does say that this only happens once every six millennia or so. This one should be over with in another two weeks." She put the report down. "Give me two hours, and I'll be able to be more comprehensive, sir."

"Granted," General Hammond said, giving them a smile. "You said this was theoretical, Xander?"

"Well, according to this guy - who does basically the same thing Sam does only with plane gateways - this sort of thing happens in his specialty. He's never heard of it happening another way, but he does say that your gateway works on a principle much like magic." He pulled out one last thing, a battered notebook, which he handed to Sam directly. "He sent this to you, hoping you'd be able to get into it. It's a more theoretical form of magic, one where the students are given the end of the equation and then work backwards, but every answer is at least theoretically right if you believe in it strongly enough."

She flipped a few pages. "Oh, man," she said, stopping at one equation. "Sir, this has part of the Stargate wormhole equation in it," she said, showing it off.

"That was his student workbook," Xander told her. "Like I said, he's a gateway person himself, just on a different spectrum."

"So, you're saying that the Stargate works and the wormhole forms because we believe it will?" Jack asked.

"More like energy exists because you think there's electricity coming from the socket," Xander said with a grin. "I don't get into that at all. I only have a very small skill, and it's all related to plants." He grinned at the General. "He did say that Sam was probably not going to be coming out of that book for a few months. That's apparently the way with the people who are *supposed* to get it. That's how they know what your specialty will be."

General Hammond shook his bald head. "I'll take your word for it. Captain Carter, I'd like a report on that also. Find me some equivalent that I'll understand please." She nodded absently, still stuck on that one equation.

Xander passed over a small bead on a thin leather thong. "When you want to talk to him, rub this and ask the messenger that appears to take him a letter," he told Jack. "But don't bother him too much. He's the guy who makes all the portals on all the planes work, and he's never not busy." He stood up. "Anything else I can do for you?"

Jack shook his head. "I think that's more than some people needed," he noted, looking at his boss.

"Stay in town in case we need you," General Hammond said gently.

"Ray and I are both at the motel we stayed at last time." He nodded and walked out, heading back to the surface.

Jack kicked Sam's leg under the table. "So?" he asked.

"This is amazing. It's the formula for making a wormhole without a gateway system." She looked at their boss. "If someone here has this sort of power and the ability to learn this, we won't need the Stargate. We'll need to find some other way to tell what's on the other side. And these can be left open for weeks without much interference."

General Hammond gave her a fatherly look. "Just give me a report please, Captain Carter." He got up and walked out.

Jack followed when Sam hadn't said anything else for a few minutes. She was still working on the step higher in the equation. Knowing that this was the solution and she was supposed to be working backwards helped a great deal. She might even be able to simplify it more, depending on what the variables meant. But, if the top formula worked because you believed it worked, then the variables might be up to her. She could spend her whole life working on this one formula.

***

Xander walked into his motel room and stopped with the door still open. "Ray?" he called, his hand going to the hilt of his sword. In the middle of the room was a large black hole, literally. He walked in and shut the door, leaning against it. He could feel a small pull, but it wasn't enough to suck even the paper off the bed. He carefully walked over and looked down at the note, frowning. "Bet me," he said, facing the portal. "Bring him back!" he called. "I will destroy you."

A hand came out of the portal and grabbed him, pulling him into it. It also knocked him out.

***

Ray woke up on the motel room bed alone. He rubbed his forehead, hoping that everything crowding his mind was just a really vivid dream, but he doubted it. He looked around, frowning at the state of the room. Then he did the only thing he could think of. He called Danny's work number, hoping someone there might have a clue about this. The portal was still partially open but it looked like it was closing. "Sam?" he asked lightly. "Um, would you happen to know how a portal formed in a motel room and please tell me Xander's still there?" He swallowed. "No, we're, I'm, in room 28. And I'm alone. No, I've got some really funky things in my head though." He nodded and hung up, grabbing his video camera, the one he had rented so he could go explore the sights, and filmed the event horizon, just like she had asked him to.

***

Xander woke up in a room, not quite alone but mostly stripped. He sat up and mentally checked himself. All his metal things were gone. Except maybe a few of the shorter pins in his hair. He stood up and looked at the demon. "I demand to be released," he said in the most royal demon language he knew, something his brother Micah had taught him. The demon laughed. "You have no right to keep me here."

"We have every right," the demon said in English. "You violated our portal."

"Your portal violated my motel room," Xander told him coldly. "And you took my lover."

"He's already gone back; we have what we need from him," the demon sneered, looking over him. "You were more resistant to the thinking."

"That's because I'm an heir," Xander noted, puffing himself up a little bit. "Now let me go before I bring my brother's wrath down on this whole dimension, though he'd be nicer than I will be." The demon started to laugh again, but Xander lunged at him, getting him in a head lock pretty easily. "Let me go and I won't kill you," he hissed, squeezing the demon's throat. "I am *not* a person to be fucked with."

The demon burbled something and another few came running.

Xander gave them a cold smile. "Send me home or you're all gonna die," he warned. The other demons laughed. "I am Prince Xander of the Metharn lineage of Micah, current Head of my House. I am the third in line for the throne and holder of the family sigil. I'd let me go *now*." The demons stopped laughing part-way through the rehearsed speech, but they were still in a standoff. "Now," he reminded them, squeezing the demon's throat a little more and adding a slight twist to the right. "I will kill him and all of you." A bigger demon walked through the doorway, and apparently he was higher in stature because of the cloak he wore. "Let me go," he repeated in the more common demon language.

"We know who you are," the demon told him, "but your brother did not say anything when he was up here yesterday."

"Then get him and we'll solve this really fast, huh," Xander said coldly, giving the throat he held a violent twist, just enough to knock him out. He dusted off his hands. "Your portal violated my living space. I have the right to demand retribution, and you have no right to kidnap me."

The higher demon laughed and pointed at him, saying something in another demon language. Unfortunately for him, Xander understood the 'sissy boy' comment and pulled out one of his bobby pins, stabbing that demon in the eye with it in a surprise move.

"Yay," he said, glaring down at the screaming demon between his feet. He looked at the other guards. "I'd go get someone higher," he told them. "I'll kill him too." One of the demons ran out and soon an older female demon walked in, her cape trailing behind her on the floor. "You do know that the color of that cape doesn't go very well with your skin tone, and it makes you look sick?" Xander asked her, getting off the demon he'd been standing over, adding a vicious kick to the demon's ribs. "You violated my living space and kidnaped me. I will make you face retribution," he said coldly. "Send me home now or I'm going to get my brother Micah into this too. And, if any of you truly knew who I was, you probably wouldn't come near me."

She said something to him in her own language and he shrugged, repeating what he had said in that one for her. She smiled and held out a hand, leading him from the room, giving the order to clean this mess up. She led him into a more formal room where more demons with her length of train on their cloaks were waiting. She bowed to the old woman up on the throne who was human.

Xander bowed to her. "Your underlings kidnaped me," he told her. She glared at him. "Your underling's portal violated my living space and they kidnaped both me and my lover. Unless you release me now, I'm going to force retribution on you for your underling's stupidity."

She laughed. "I like him," she announced. "He will serve my stepdaughter."

"I doubt it," Xander said, crossing his arms. "I will go home, and my things will be returned to me."

She leaned down to look at him. "What does a *boy* like you know about using a sword," she sneered.

"Give it back to me and find out," he said coldly. "I'll allow myself to be faced in combat by your better fighters."

The head woman thought about that then nodded. "We will allow it," she decided, making the lower demons gasp. "Until then, you will serve my stepdaughter."

"I doubt it."

"It's that, or you will be forced to do menial labor," she warned. "Something *men* like you aren't used to."

Xander held up his left hand, the one with the scars from holding hot metal while he pounded it out. "Oh, really?" he said snidely. "You have no idea who or what I am."

"I can feel what you are," she snorted. "You're human."

"I'm immortal and a Prince of the Metharn," he countered. "Bring my brother here."

"We will not," she said coldly. "We have no wish to deal with the money changers."

Xander snickered. "Money changers? How old are you? My brother isn't a banker, he's a businessman. And the only person who's going to keep me from killing everyone to get free. And, before you say anything, there will be people coming for me, others like me. We will *destroy* this realm for this insult."

She waved a hand. "Whatever. I've heard all that before." She looked Xander over. "Your choice. Menial labor or being a maid to my stepdaughter?"

"Neither," Xander said, not moving. When another guard came for him, he spun under his arms, kicking him in the stomach and sending him backwards into his buddies. He kicked the next one but hit the one beside him, getting into it with the three demons. He ended up with a split lip and a blackened eye, but the demons were all on the floor by the time he was done. He spit blood at the foot of her throne. "I'm going home now," he told her. "You can either find a better fighter to challenge me, or you're going to have to kill me now. I want my belongings, I want my sword, then I want shown to the portal. Keeping me will only cost you more guards and higher ups." He kicked at the hand making a weak grab for his ankle. "Don't touch me," he said, glaring at the demon. "I know fledglings who fight better." He spit out some more blood. "It's up to you, bitch, now or later? Which cost do you want to pay?"

She leaned down to look him in the face. "The more you fight, the weaker you will become. None of your healing abilities will work here." He smiled at that. "What?" she asked.

"I'm in communion with my bonded mate; I don't need the power of this realm." He looked at his nails. "Like I said, there will be people coming for me, and they'll make you even more sorry." He pulled around the end of his braid to look it over too. Then he looked back up at her. "Your choice," he offered.

She leaned back. "I like you," she decided. "Even though you are a more violent example of your species."

"Our," he reminded her. "You're human. I can tell. It's a ...gift I picked up when I was younger." He stared her down. "I will be going home. Now," he said calmly. He turned as someone came running up behind him, grabbing him by the stomach and tossing him aside. "Don't even try it," he warned.

The demon babbled something to his Queen. She nodded at him to leave. "It seems you were correct, there are humans coming for you," she said coolly. "They're being brought here." She snapped her fingers, and Xander's clothes and sword were brought and handed to him.

"Thank you." He slid into the simple outfit and put back on his coat, but kept his sword in his hand. He bowed to her. "I'll be seeing you at the millennial tournament I suspect." He turned as someone new walked in, giving Jack a smile. "Hey, please take me home before I kill all these people."

Jack nodded him over, covering him with his gun. "You okay?"

"Just highly violent at the moment," Xander told him. He followed Jack out, heading back to his motel room. "Hey, Ray," he said as he walked through, getting the hardest hug of his life. He gave one to Jack in turn, then turned to look at Sam, who had one hand on the air conditioner and one pointing toward the portal. "Gee, it worked?"

"Xander, you've been gone for *weeks*!" Ray complained. "Even Micah's been worried." He pulled Xander back into his arms.

"He was doing a good job of pissing them off," Jack told him, sitting down on the bed. "Carter, you can let it go now."

"I can't, sir, there's someone in it. They'd die or get lost if I close it right now."

Xander turned as another human looking person walked through the portal, looking over the young woman. "Yes?"

"I have come to evaluate your claims." She turned to look at Sam. "You may let it go now, witch; we've got it."

Sam shuddered as she released the power she had been drawing through the motel's electrical circuits. Then she passed out.

"Sam!" Jack said, getting up to check her.

"She's fine," the woman said, waving a hand in her direction. "It is unusual to find such strong humans."

"She's new to it," Ray told her. "And you are?"

"Ilanin. I am part of the Repercussions Board. Your man made some very strong claims."

Xander sat down on the bed and pointed at the portal hanging in mid air. "They violated my temporary living space. They kidnaped me. I would have killed them all, and my brother would probably back me up." He shrugged. "All very usual claims." He fingered his summoning charm, bringing his brother. "Micah, tell her that I'm going to get them for kidnapping me."

Micah looked down at Xander, then at Ilanin. He nodded. "You're lucky anyone over there is still living."

"A few of their guards aren't," she said with a slight shrug. "One of their regency males isn't either." Micah hissed.

"Was that the frou-frou guy that I got with my bobby pin because he wouldn't let me go?" Xander asked her. "I tried polite," he told her when she looked at him. "When that didn't work, and neither did stating my lineage, I got cold and violent. And, if they force this, then I'll be pushing my own claim with your board. There is *no* way I'm going to become anyone's lady's maid."

"Lady's maid?" Ray asked.

"The bitch queen wanted me to serve her stepdaughter."

"Ah." Ray gave Xander another squeeze. "I wouldn't have waited. I would have started taking heads when I woke up."

"I didn't have my sword until Jack came through."

Ilanin nodded and looked at Jack. "It is most unusual for the human military to get involved. Are you claiming him as a superior member of your race?"

"One, humans don't work like that," Jack told her. "Two, I was there to get him back, that was my mission." He stood up. "As for anything else, you'd have to talk to my boss, or our people persons."

"You have people who study others?" she asked him. He nodded. "Then I would talk to them."

"They'll be here in a few days," Jack told her.

"I will wait then," she said, stepping back into the portal. "I have marked that one," she said, pointing at Sam. "Have her call on me by opening a small portal. I will take it over so she doesn't get hurt, and we will discuss this then." She looked at Xander. "Are you filing a claim?"

"No," Micah said.

"Yes," Xander told her at the same time. He looked at his brother. "Is there some reason that I shouldn't file for being kidnaped, stripped, forced through something called the 'thinking', and made to become violent to protect myself?"

"We're trying to bring these demons into the Union," Micah said lightly. "They won't ever come now, and they've got some magnificent stores of items that the rest of the demon communities could use."

"Then maybe I should ask for that," Xander said lightly. Micah gave him a pathetic look so he looked at the investigator. "How long do we have to decide?"

"Until I come back. I will bring an arbitrator if you wish to file." She bowed to Micah and then left. The portal hissed closed behind her.

Micah looked down at his adopted brother. "You gave them your lineage, and they still didn't let you go?"

"I did that before I went psycho," Xander said, leaning back on the bed. "Jack, is Sam okay?"

"I'm okay," she said in a little girl voice.

"She's partially conscious," Jack said with a frown. "This is dangerous stuff."

"It is," Micah said, looking down at her. "It is unusual to find such a strong human." He looked over at Xander. "Is this the one the Portal Master gave the book to?" He got a nod. "Good. Then she should train very well and be able to pass on her knowledge." He smiled at Jack. "I would tell your boss about this; I'm going to go tell the people I'm working with. Xander, I want you to be somewhere safer please," he said as he disappeared.

"Amen," Ray said, glaring over at Xander. "We need you to be safer."

"You were taken too," Xander pointed out sleepily. He yawned and curled up into Ray's side. "You be the big protector, I'm going to nap until the General gets here." He looked up at the ceiling. "Shoot, I forgot to ask him about your budget problems!"

"We got that straightened out," Jack said grimly, picking up the phone to dial the base. "Oh, sir," he said once it was answered. "We managed to get him back but there's been a complication." He looked over at the bed. "No, sir, a Xander-sort of complication. Some sort of Repercussions Board thing?" He nodded. "Yes, sir, and Sam needs to be seen by someone. No, sir, she passed out once she let the energy go." He looked down at her. "Yes, sir, she's awake but not very aware. That would be fine, sir. *Please*," he agreed with a smile. "That's fine. I'll have Ray pack their things." He hung up and looked at the men on the bed. "Pack. You're being moved to the base. Danny and Blair have already been called back."

"Cool." Ray shrugged, trying to wake Xander but he just got nuzzled. "I think it's going to be a few minutes," he suggested.

Jack shook his head and went to the closet to grab their bags and pack them

***

Xander trudged back into their house in Miami, and promptly dropped onto the couch with a sigh. He was tired. Too tired to do more than pet the animals who were running toward him. He smiled down at Jedi, who made it into his lap first. "Hey, guys," he said, patting each of them and giving each one some special attention. "Were we lonely?"

"No," Henri said as she walked in. "Where's Ray?"

"He'll be back tomorrow," Xander said, lifting his head to look at her. "He wanted to spend some time with Danny, Blair, and Dessie." He shrugged, dislodging one of the kits. "How are things here and at home?"

"Quiet," she said with a smile. "With the exception of your second husband coming crawling back. A strange man came and picked him up off the doorstep though." She shrugged. "Nothing much else of note. The twins' birthday was quite a hoot. Their mother bought them bookcases for some reason," she said with a smile. She patted him on the head. "Why don't you go take a nap? Then you can read the letter that came yesterday from your editor." She went back into the kitchen, and most of the animals followed her.

Xander forced himself to detangle himself and get up, heading in to take her advice. On the way, he grabbed the letter, reading it once he was comfortably ensconced in the bed. "Oh, wow," he said, smiling at the short missive. "I'm going to be on Leno."

***

Xander looked up as someone knocked on the dressing room door, smiling at the host. "Hi," he said, handing over the small box.

"You didn't have to bring me anything," Jay Leno said, but he was smiling.

"I was always taught to bring the host something," Xander said with his usual impish grin.

Jay pulled out the small lapel pin and whistled. "This is very nice," he said, touching the small, moving wheels on the motorcycle. "And very appropriate. Thank you." He looked at the young man. "We've got an animal person on tonight. You're not allergic, right? Someone reminded me I should check."

"I live with eleven ferrets, six cats, and four dogs," Xander told him. "Unless it tries to eat me, I'm good with animals." Jay laughed at that. "I'll even promise to not bring anything strange with me when I go on."

"Thanks. That would be nice," Jay said, waving at the man sitting on the couch. "Is that your husband?"

"No, that's a James-type person," Xander said, waving at Ray, it was his alternate identity of the moment. "He's here to make sure no one steals me from my husbands."

"Husbands?" Jay asked.

"I have two," Xander said with another grin. "And lovers. They're all presently trying to keep me out of trouble."

"It's a full time job," James/Ray said dryly. "Believe me, you have no idea the sort of trouble this guy gets into. And now a serial killer who likes his books," he reminded Xander.

"I alerted security when I got the note," Xander sighed, rolling his eyes. "I doubt he's going to come here. It'd be easier to get me outside."

"It's all about the challenge to them," Ray said wisely. He looked at Jay, who was looking a little worried. "We had a note left for us by this idiot," he noted. "Your security people already know."

"Oh. Okay then," Jay said, giving Xander a smile. "Thank you for keeping the strange stuff *away*."

"I said I'd try," Xander said with a shrug. "He won't act against me, he wants me to give him ideas. He's taken parts of my last three books and used them for his own version of games." Jay shuddered. "Yeah, so I'm his muse, and he won't hurt me. Even the nice FBI people said so."

Jay just nodded and waved, then left them alone.

"I think we freaked him," Xander said, looking back at Ray. "Want to brush my hair? I can't get it to quit getting being staticy."

"Sure," Ray said, getting up and coming over to deal with the soft black hair with white streaks. "What're you going to tell him if he asks about these?"

"That it was a chemical accident a few years ago."

"Cool."

Xander walked out to good but not great applause and sat down in the chair, after shaking hands with the famous comedian that had went on before him. It paid to be on third sometimes. "Hey, Jay, have you heard from the Queen of my hate group since you found out she was wearing my jewelry?" he asked with his usual grin.

"Not really, why?"

"Because, I decided to be nice and make her a display." Xander pulled out the framed object he had carried out with him. "I think you'll be seeing her before I will," he said as he handed it over.

Jay showed it to the camera, letting everyone see the signed illustrations for the pieces she had been wearing the last time she had been on, and pictures of her wearing them. "I think that's really nice," Jay told him. "I'll have someone send them her way." He smiled as one of the cats, a bobcat, from earlier came over and sat in Xander's lap. "You weren't kidding, animals really like you."

"Yeah, I'm really nice to animals and I spoil mine rotten." He accepted the small dish of wet food from the zoologist, letting the cat nibble it from his hand. "So, did you really read that fourth book?" he asked.

Jay smiled. "Half," he admitted. "I got stuck in the stock yards."

"Yeah, that was kinda a hard scene to get through. Skip ahead four pages and read the last page and a half of that section, then try moving on. There's only one small clue you'll miss, but you'll be able to miss most of the graphic stuff."

"Thanks." Jay looked down at the cat, who was now nibbling on Xander's fingers. "He thinks you taste good."

"I smell like our ferrets. I brought our ferret mommy with us, and a few of our dogs." He shrugged. "I love my animals, and I hate to leave them all alone at home when I leave."

"I see. So, have you ever thought about writing anything...less graphic?"

"I've been trying to write this one fantasy novel for *years*," Xander admitted, shaking his head. "I'm stuck. Even reading it to a group of daycare kids didn't help unstick the plot. I can't get past a fight scene."

"What's it about?" Jay asked.

"A female warrior who's hired to take this young mage to finish his training. He's got elemental powers of fire, but it's not under control at all. He does things like sneeze and set an outhouse on fire." That got a small laugh from the audience. "And I'm stuck when some bandits try to capture them. By this time, the poor little magic user has a cold from some serious rain that had been going on, and he's just set part of the woods on fire. That's where I'm stuck. If I go one way with the fight scene and they run away, then it turns out much differently. If I make them stay, then I'm really stuck, and I have no idea what happens next. But I didn't like the first ending."

"Really? Have you tried truncating that scene and going on?"

"Yup," Xander said, nodding. "I've got the first possible path written. The second one is still stumping me though. Most likely, it'll end up being some strange third alternative." He looked down at the cat, who was now licking his stomach through his shirt. "Hey, that's not a kitty toy," he said, tapping the cat on the nose with the end of his finger. "That's for the husband, not for you, kitten."

The zoologist reached over and took his cat. "That was very gentle."

"Like I told Jay earlier, I live with six cats, four dogs, and eleven ferrets. I'm used to cats who think I smell okay." He smiled at the cat, waving at it. "It's okay. I understand. My husband would say that you're very pretty, but he wouldn't let you knead him. He doesn't like that."

"I find my cat kneading me calming," Jay said. "Doesn't he like animals?"

"He does," Xander told him, "but he calls it stomping on him." He grinned again. "We have one kitten that he brought in from the alleyway. That's the one who 'stomps' on him almost every morning that he's home."

"He's not home right now?"

"No, he's off to have some time alone." He leaned closer. "He said I'm too exciting, and he needed some quiet." Jay and the audience laughed at that.

The comedian held out a copy of Xander's third book. "Would you sign this for me?" he asked.

"Sure." Xander signed the cover and handed it back. "Did you like that one? I've heard a lot of comments about being too mean to exs."

"Oh, I have a few I'd like to reenact some of the things in there on," the comedian said with a smirk. "Have you and your other husband gotten back together?"

"He came crawling back a year after that came out. Apparently he managed to finish reading it then, and he decided it'd be the better part of intelligence to come back." He winked. "He's much happier now."

Jay looked a little shocked. "Surely you didn't hurt him."

"Nah, I *danced* for him and didn't let him do anything about it," Xander said with a smirk.

"Oh, you *danced*," Jay said, nodding, smirking at the audience. "Would this be the same sort of dancing that you did in Miami that started the riot?"

"Only more...explicit," Xander agreed. "And I didn't mean to start that riot. I was just blowing off some steam. I'm sure my men understand that. Even the DA was nice about that and the attempted kidnaping before then."

"Kidnaping?" the comedian asked.

"Yeah, some guy decided I should be his sex slave. I dissuaded him of that notion."

"With a sword?" Jay asked.

"I learned how to use the sword to help my balance. I'm much more evenly balanced now." Xander grinned. "And I learned some other things too, like how flexible I am." He noticed the host was sweating and handed over the handkerchief from his pocket. "Here, you look like you need it," he said with a softer grin. "Anyway," he sighed, "I'm back to being good most of the time and trying to work through that one fantasy novel."

"No more dark stuff?"

"Not at this time. I wrote that to get the darkness and anger out of myself, and it worked quite well. Pounding the anger I felt into those stories kept me from acting on some of it."

"And now you're being good?" Jay teased. "What does that mean?"

"That most of the time I'm sitting at home, allowing myself to be pampered and spoiled while I make my jewelry and write."

Jay chuckled at that. "Thank you. It's been stimulating," he said, shaking Xander's hand. "Xander's fourth book comes out officially in two weeks, and the other three are already in paperback, available most anywhere." He waited until the lights blinked, showing that the recording was done to pat Xander on the head. "Good job. Not too nervous sounding." He shook everyone else's hand and walked Xander back to his dressing room. "How do you handle two husbands and lovers?" he asked once they were alone.

"They get tired when it's just one of them," Xander told him, giving Ray a hug when they ran into him.

"Too true," Ray agreed. "We all get too tired, and he had to go find another lover. He's our own personal God of Sexual Frenzy." He scooted Xander into the dressing room, helping him into his jacket so they could leave. "No crazies."

"Yet," Xander amended. "Don't jinx us." He walked out after giving Ray a kiss.

Ray finally came back to his senses and followed Xander out to their rental car, running to catch up. Outside the theater, one man was waiting on them. "What?" he asked the guy, pushing past him and dragging Xander with him.

"It's you, isn't it?" Xander asked, pushing forward his sensuality so the man wouldn't do more than look at him, and would ignore Ray. "You're the one who wrote the letters."

"I am," he said, smiling at Xander. "You should be mine. I could use a mind like yours." He made a grab for Xander, but studio security was running and got there in time to stop him. And so did the cat that had been trying to nibble on Xander earlier. The man screamed as the cat pounced him and bit him.

"Ow," Ray said mildly, watching the cat tear into the human being. "Gotta hurt."

"Probably," Xander agreed, reaching in to grab the scruff of the cat since the zoologist was just watching in horrified fascination. "You're a good girl," he purred, giving her a pet as he handed her back to her handler. "A very good girl. Thank you." She licked his face, leaving a blood trail, but quickly licked it off him.

The zoologist pulled the cat away from him, taking her back to their van, berating the handler the whole way.

"That was strange," Ray said, leading Xander to the car. He saw the glance back. "It'll be okay. They know where we'll be. They know about the guy already."

One of the security guards looked at them over top of his sunglasses, his black hair glossy in the parking lot lights. "You two go home," he said, his accent very fake. "We'll come find you."

"Okay," Xander said, waving at him. If Strife said to go home, he'd go home. "Sunnydale?" he suggested to Ray.

"Nah, I wanna go back to the hotel. I'm kinda missin' Miami. Even the heat." Ray put him into the car first, then walked around to get in and drive. "We can go home this winter when Miami gets crowded with older folks avoiding the cold." He started the car and pulled out, heading to their temporary home. "Think we should call Spike and Seth up? Ask them for a status report?"

"Sure," Xander said happily. "We'll have them come up tomorrow night. We were planning on staying anyway." He put a hand on Ray's thigh, stroking it gently. "Ray, I need sex," he said bluntly.

"Well, okay then," Ray said happily.

Money Matters.

Xander checked his bag with a sigh and headed out to the car. He really didn't want to do this, but it was quickly becoming necessary. He couldn't find the number for the guy running his investments in the Caribbean. He couldn't find Steve, who was the only person beside Oz who had the number; he was working on some other planet for the next week. Not even Ray could make sense of Oz's filing system. So now he had to do something that he wasn't thrilled about, he was going to have to dip into his secret funds to give them money to live on. It wasn't fair when he had millions of dollars to continue to make Ray pay for things. He climbed into the car and started the engine, backing out into street and heading for the airport.

***

Xander walked into the demon bank in New York, giving the man sitting behind the reception table a faint smile. "I need to talk to Mr. Grunth please," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry, sir, but he retired a few months back. Can anyone else help you?"

He shrugged. "Mr. Grunth set up a few hidden accounts for me and I need to access them."

"We have a new person over the hidden accounts, I'll get him for you," the young man said, picking up his phone and hitting a button. "Sir, I have a...."

"Xander Harris," he said quietly, glancing around. Someone heard and started to look him over, making him growl.

"I have a Mr. Xander Harris here about some of his secret accounts?" He smiled and put down the phone. "Yes, sir, right up the stairs, to the right, and it's the last office on the left."

Xander followed the directions, and managed to find the office on the third try. To say he was a little nervous was an understatement. He had put this money away because he didn't want to have to think about it, and, in one account's case, how he had gotten it. He shook hands with the green skinned demon on the other side of the desk and sat down. "I've had a small glitch in the other accounts I have set up, namely a human bank has screwed up everything and I don't have access to my other funds, so I'd like to get into one of my secret accounts."

The green skinned demon pushed the monitor over. "Sir, what name were they put under?"

Xander pulled out an envelope he'd been carrying around since that one day he'd set up these things, and pushed it across the smooth pine desk. "That's what Mr. Grunth gave me when he did them for me. And I don't want to touch that one," he said quickly. "The one with the star next to it. Personally, I'd like to forget I have that one."

The green skinned demon looked over the forms and nodded, typing something else in. "He did hide these for you," he said in appreciation. He looked over the young- seeming human. "Do you have someone to manage your money for you?" Xander nodded. "What do they say about these funds?"

"My mate doesn't know," Xander said quietly. "He knows that I have *one*, but not how they came to be and not how many or how much I have in them. These are the ones I wanted to hide from myself, or keep in case of an emergency." He shifted some. "I really only need access to one of the larger ones, he'll be home soon and will hopefully castrate the human bank that screwed everything up."

"I see." The demon typed in another account number, making notes on that one. He went through all of them except the one with the star, then hit that one last. Then he whistled. "If I may ask..."

"You don't want to know," Xander said, starting to feel uncomfortable again. "Trust me, you don't want to know."

The demon nodded. "All right." He pushed over his notes. "This is how much you have in each of them."

Xander reached over and scratched out the one with the star. "Not that one. I want to forget about that one."

"Of course." The demon scratched out that one too. "Here's what you have in the other ones."

Xander looked over the amounts. "I thought I had more in them."

"You do, but this is as much as I can get you today. If you can wait two days, I can get you the rest, which is the amount that's in the third column; that's a liability of these sort of accounts."

Xander nodded. "Can I have that second one then? And I'll take that maximum amount tonight."

"Sure." The demon turned back to his computer and typed in that account, starting the paperwork to close it. "Did you want to close just that one?" He smiled. "You sounded like you're used to having a lot more money on hand."

"I am," Xander sighed. "But I can live with that for a month. Hopefully, by then, Oz will be back and he'll be castrating the other bank." He jumped as a printer started behind him, looking over his shoulder at it. "Oh, my check," he said, shaking himself.

"Yes, sir." He looked at the computer. "You do have money in your usual account with us."

"Yeah, but I'd like to let that grow," Xander said with a faint smile. "Besides, every time I touch that, my brother Micah shows up." The demon turned slightly blue. "You know my brother?" The demon shook his head. "Just figured out who I am?"

The demon nodded. "Yes, Mr. Harris, and now I understand about having those hidden. I've heard your mate is a werewolf."

"He is," Xander agreed. "And then some." He grinned, pulling out his wallet to show it off. "That's my Oz."

The demon gurgled, pointing at the picture next to it. "Methos!" he said finally.

"Yeah, he's a sweetie, such a good little bed-buddy." Xander put away his wallet.

The demon stared at him in shock. "You tamed Methos?"

"Well, he was already tame. He actually taught me a lot of what I know today," Xander said with a brighter smile. "I'm missing him too, he's off with my Oz."

"Is your Oz an immortal too?" the demon asked. Xander nodded. "Then those rumors are true?"

"What ones? I'm out of the loop for rumors usually."

"That you're one too."

Xander shook his head. "Not at all. I'm *mated* to Oz and Methos, and Methos' lover, Ray. And my second husband," he added with a shrug. "I read as a pre-immie but I'm not."

"Oh, all right then. We're not supposed to be dealing with them," he confided.

"Yup, but I'm also a prince in a Metharn line." The demon swallowed. "Yeah, my adoptive father asked when I met him because he felt it too. Apparently it didn't cause him too much trouble because I'm mated to them. Also, my second husband is a sorcerer, who's presently digging himself into a deeper hole by continuing to cheat on me."

The demon typed in more information, then got up and tore off the check. "Sir, I'm glad it's your life and not mine." He handed over the check after signing it and smiled. "Where will you be staying? We'll send the rest of the money to you there."

"I'm heading home this afternoon. I'm in Miami now, I know the address is on my normal account if you need it."

"That would be fine, sir," the demon said, holding out a hand for shaking. "Thank you for coming to us with this need. I hope you get the other bank's problem solved soon."

"Thanks." Xander shook his hand and left.

The demon picked up his phone and called his boss. "Sir, I just met with Xander Harris." A long pause. "So it's known? No, he decided to empty one of his hidden accounts due to a human bank's screw up. From what he said, it was something major that made them freeze part of his account with them. No, sir, he never said if it was cascaded or not, but it would make the most sense for a man in his position." He smiled and leaned back. "No, not that one. He didn't want to even consider that particular account. How did he...." A longer pause and the demon sat upright suddenly. "Really? No wonder." He shuddered. "Much better that it was him instead of me." He looked at the computer. "Yes, sir, he's already headed for Miami and his home there. He instructed me to send the rest of the money for that account there." He changed screens. "Yes, sir. Is the board going to take up the issue of him having accounts with us?" He laughed. "That's good to know. The interest he makes us is a great boon. Yes, sir, I'll do that." He hung up and changed screens, going to the smallest account. He dialed the number on the account. "Mr. Harris?" he asked. "No, sir, this is the person you just spoke to at your bank. No, I filed my report to have that one closed and my superior officer pointed out that one account was at the barest minimum to not have fees, and he reminded me that the minimum was going to be going up within the next six months. Yes, sir, I can do that and send it to you also." He smiled. "Of course, sir, we pride ourselves on our service." He hung up and started the process of closing that account too.

***

Xander walked up to the ticket agent and handed over his ticket to get a boarding pass. "Sir, if I may ask, why were you in New York today?" she asked politely.

"Problems with my bank," he said tiredly. He hated these security protocols.

"I see." She looked down at his bag. "May we check that for you?"

"You may search it for me," he corrected. "I need the laptop inside to work on during the flight." He put it on her counter, getting out of the guard's way. He saw the drug sniffing dog and groaned. "He doesn't mind ferrets, cats, or other dogs, right?" he asked.

"Sir, he's trained to ignore them."

"Good, but you might want to take out the dog biscuits in the front pocket," Xander said, pointing. The first security guard took them out then put the bag down for the dog, who snuffled it and attacked his handles. "They open," Xander told him when he saw the knife. "It's velcroed down." They opened his handles and the dog attacked a small piece of cloth on the inside, a wet piece.

The dog handler picked it up and delicately sniffed it, then grimaced and pushed it away from him. "Sir, one of your dogs may be in heat."

Xander just nodded. "It's been known to happen with four of them around. One of the people who lives with me still hasn't gotten his female fixed. Am I clear now?"

"Yes, sir, but why were you in town for so few hours?" the first security guard asked.

"I had to have a talk with my bank. One of my accounts seems to have hiccuped and stopped my automatic payments to people like the phone company, my housekeepers, and my shopping account." He pulled out the check and showed it off. "I had to go dig into one of my less accessible accounts, and I had to do it in person."

"I've never heard of that bank," the first guard said, handing back the bag.

"It's a small, exclusive bank," Xander explained as he rehitched the handles. "Am I clear now?"

The guards nodded and the ticket agent gave him his boarding pass. "We're sorry, sir, but we had to make sure you know," she said with a smile.

"Yeah, I know," Xander sighed as he went to get onto the plane. "A private plane," he told himself. "All the other rich people have one. Maybe I should think about that. It seems like such a nice idea." He smiled at the stewardess as she walked past him. "Are we going to be really late or just a little?"

"Probably a little, there's not a lot of wait to take off," she told him, nodding at his bag. "Stow it for now please, sir." She watched as he shoved it under his seat. "Thank you." She walked on, checking on the rest of the passengers who were trying to get settled in for take off.

The seat next to Xander was filled with a woman, who was holding her puppy against her chest. He held out his hands. "Let me hold her while you put up the bag," he suggested. She glared at him. "I have four dogs at home, just trying to help." He buckled in and leaned back, closing his eyes. This would be another thing that a private plane would solve. He felt something wet against his cheek and grunted.

"Get away from him," the woman scolded. "You don't know where he's been."

Xander pulled out his wallet and showed off the picture of his animals. "That's where I've been, and I've recently been told that one of the dogs in my house is in heat." He looked over at her. "It's my roommate's dog. Even the drug sniffing dog reacted." She got up and moved to an empty seat and he shrugged.

The stewardess leaned down. "Sir, do you really have a problem with the dog?" He showed her the picture. "Then what happened?"

"I told her that her dog was probably reacting to my roommate's dog, who is apparently in heat because even the drug sniffing dog reacted to it's smell on my case." He shrugged. "I like little dogs; I had one until last year when it decided to go home with a friend. It's all in her head." He pulled down the shade and smiled at her. "Do I look that bad?" he asked.

"No, sir, just tired." She got out of the way of a passenger, who was holding a book and a pen.

"Mr. Harris, would you please sign my book?" she asked.

"Sure," he said with a weak smile. He took the book and signed it. "What's your name?" he asked.

"Mary."

He put a 'to' section on and a short personal message, then handed it back with the pen. "There you go." He gave her a brighter smile, then looked at the stewardess. "It's been a long day dealing with a bank which screwed up."

She nodded sympathetically and walked away, going to check in with the gate agent so she could close the door. One last man ran onto the plane and was seated next to Xander. He smiled and shook Xander's hand, then shuffled around for a few minutes while they taxied out to take off.

"I love flying, don't you?" the man asked cheerfully. "Such a marvel of modern science and a true work of God's favorable will toward man so we can attempt to touch his state."

Xander continued to count. If they didn't crash by the time he got to two hundred, they probably wouldn't.

***

Xander walked in and flopped down onto his couch, looking over at Henri, who was looking a little worried. "I want a private plane," he told her.

She laughed and patted him on the head. "I'm sure, but it wouldn't be that practical, Xander. You don't fly that much." She headed into the kitchen. "Want a brownie?"

"Please," he groaned, forcing himself to sit up. "I got it straightened out with my secondary bank. We'll be getting a large check in the next few days." He handed over the check. "Here, put this somewhere safe until I have the strength to go cash it. How're the boys?"

"They're better," Henri told him. "Twin cases of appendicitis was unexpected."

"The fact that our health insurance wasn't going to cover that much of it surprised me," he said dryly, taking the brownie she brought him. "Did the credit card work?" She nodded. "Good. I'd hate to have to go throttle the health insurance agent. Not that I won't, but I'd hate to have to go do it right now. He should have told us that it wouldn't cover stuff like that when we put you on as employees." He bit into the treat and gave her a smile. "Did the grocery store go okay?"

"It went fine," she soothed, patting him on the head again. "Don't worry, it will all be straightened out soon enough." She went back to the kitchen, hoping she was right. Xander didn't handle this sort of stress very well.

Xander relaxed on the couch, waiting on the next emergency to come from the banking crisis. He looked out the window when he heard the car door slam, and almost got up, but Richard was standing out there, blocking his view. It couldn't have been Giles, could it? He relaxed again. Richard knew how to open the door if he wanted to come in. And he would probably even be willing to explain what had gone on without being prompted, the other immortal was like that.

Going Off Into New Directions.

Oz snuck into his house, going in and looking down at his husband. "Leno?" he whispered as he stripped and climbed in beside his man. When he did, he found Xander too warm to be normal. "Oh, you're sick," he complained, pulling Xander into his arms for a hug. "I'm sorry you're sick."

"Not your fault," Xander said, snuggling in. "Did you remember to close the front door?"

"Yup. You act like you were expecting me."

"Meth got home first. Ray called." Xander looked up. "It's only a cold."

"But I bet you still feel miserable," Oz told him. Xander nodded. "Then it's a good thing that we saw you on Leno and came home."

Strife appeared next to the bed, carrying a glass of juice. "Here ya go," he said, handing it over.

"Why are you here?" Oz asked.

"Because he's sick," Strife said in a semi-patient tone of voice.

"I noticed he's warm," Oz said dryly. "Why is he getting personal attention from the God of Mischief?"

"Because every time he sneezes, something happens that I've got to go deal with. Don't ask, I have no clue. But apparently it's his fault." He patted Xander's back, then frowned. "Inta the shower, you're warm again."

"But I'm comfy," Xander complained, snuggling further into Oz's arms. "I'll be okay. I promise to quit sniffling."

Strife shook his head. "And what happens when...." Xander sneezed and he flashed out to go see what sort of damage was done this time. He came back a few moments later to find Oz rubbing Xander's arm. "We found out why. His last exposure to portals stuck on him. He's sending shock waves through the energy ball that kinda touches everything." He grinned when Oz frowned. "What?"

"He's still being affected from that long ago?"

Strife looked down at Xander, then over at Oz. "This is between you all; I ain't goin' there," he said, then he disappeared again.

"Xander, an explanation?" Oz asked calmly. Xander tried his best to look cute. "Not gonna work. I'm immune to that look now." The innocence was turned up some, making Oz feel like he had just kicked one of the ferret babies. He quickly shook off the feeling. "I'll call Ray."

"I thought he would've narked by now," Xander said, sounding stuffed up. He grabbed the juice and drank some of it. "This is good, we need to find out what sort of juice this is," he noted.

Oz took the glass and sipped at it. "Mango peach." He handed it back. "It's a new Welch's blend." He watched as Xander drank the whole glass. "Want me to run to the store and get you some more?" That got a fuzzy smile. "Okay, let me go grab the checkbook."

"Um, maybe you shouldn't," Xander said, cuddling his husband harder. "I had to repay D'Nalia and Henry because your payments never seemed to go through. The shopping checkbook is empty, and I've been dipping into some of my personal funds."

"When did this happen?"

"Few weeks ago, long before Leno. Ray had to make a payment in there too." He looked up. "And the cable's off again. They didn't knock to see if we were going to pay them or anything."

"Did you try calling them?"

"Yup, and they won't take a credit card, and I couldn't find their office."

"I'll deal with that," Oz sighed, sliding out of the bed. "Anything else go wrong?" Xander nodded. "Should I even ask?"

"I left a detailed list of what I paid on your desk," Xander told him. He sneezed again, and his glass of juice refilled. "Cupid's being nice to me too," he said with another of his fuzzy smiles. "He thought you left me. I told him you didn't, but that didn't stop him from going after Giles when he came back." He sipped at this new dose of juice. "He's with Richard," he said at the confused look. "He finally finished reading the book."

"Ah." Oz headed into the office to go look at Xander's list, which was pretty long. "But I had all this set up," he complained, logging into his computer and onto his bank account to see what was going on. "Xander, when did you bounce a check?" he called.

"When I tried to pay the grocery store. I did find the bank," Xander called, and there was the sound of padding down the hallway. He leaned in the office door. "I managed to find the bank and ask them what was wrong. The automatic refill was canceled. Everything from the bank in New York has gone screwy." He waved. "I'm going to go soak now."

Oz logged into that bank account, frowning when he saw the balance. He clicked on the 'contact us' button to get their phone number, but there wasn't a dial tone. So he pulled out his cellphone and called them. "Hi, I have an account with you...." He listened as the receptionist went into her spiel about them declaring bankruptcy. "And what about our sixty thousand dollars? Or about our other two accounts with you? I see," he said, writing something down. "And do you have someone higher? Yay," he said dryly. "You should have informed us. Now, I'd like to talk to an account supervisor before I fly up there and get my money back personally." He sighed as he was put on hold. "Yes, this is a customer. I'm the account manager for Alexander Harris. It seems that you stole his money." He snorted. "Really? Have we received it yet?" He checked the pile of mail on the desk. "With what I just found on my desk I haven't. Who signed for it?" He made a note. "And your name?" He wrote that down too. "I'll call that house and we'll see. I'll be in touch with you in about half an hour." He hung up and dialed the Sunnydale house. "D'Nalia, did you accept a big check from a bank in New York?" He searched through the papers on his desk again. "When? Okay, so it's probably coming today. How many were there?" He hummed. "That's one short. No.... Yeah, thanks." He wrote down the amounts, going to check and see which account those went to. "Yup, got it. Thanks. No, if it doesn't show up, I'll call you back later." He hung up and called the bank in New York again. "I need...." He smiled as he was connected. "Yes, this is he. We only received two checks. Where's the third?" He laughed. "Really? How did that happen? That account was automatically fed out of a special one of out the country that is Mr. Harris' trust fund. Really? Then you're responsible for the mess I came home to," he said conversationally. "Because you didn't allow that transfer, many of his other accounts were harmed because that was the one which was feeding into the payment accounts. Yes, we set it up that way so Mr. Harris wouldn't have to worry about paying bills. Yes, he's *that* Mr. Harris. Gee, I don't know," Oz said calmly, leaning back in his chair and putting his feet up on his desk. "I don't think he'll want to come to New York personally, he tends to let me handle these sort of things." He nearly laughed at the panicking man on the other end. "Really, I doubt he'll come after you personally. Though he is a bit on the upset side right now. He was so involved in his next book that he never noticed things like his automatic payments not going through and things being shut off. Yes, we'll accept a check today. That would be fine." He looked at the screen. "I think you're under it by fifty dollars. But that was *your* fault," Oz pointed out. "You're the one who stopped his automatic payment from his trust fund into that account. If you hadn't, then none of this would have happened, even that overdraw." He did laugh this time. "Yes, I would feel comfortable suing you for that. Yes, of course we'll accept the money like that." He made another note then hung up.

He grabbed the next bill, going to straighten out that too.

***

Oz walked into the bedroom, smiling at the picture his husband made, all damp and curled up under the blankets with a fan running beside the bed. "Xan?" he asked as he slid in next to him. One brown eye opened to look at him. "Hey, I fixed it all. I even talked to the guy who manages your money out of the country, and he was quite pissed at the bank in New York too."

"They gave it all back?"

"They sent two of the checks to D'Nalia and she's sent it on. The other should be here in a few days. I got everything straightened out with a few calls."

"But the phone was off."

"But my cell isn't."

"Mine is."

"I noticed, and I got that fixed too. Okay?" Xander nodded, curling up next to him. "Thanks. Are you feeling better?" His husband shook his head. "Want to go talk to Giles with me?"

"No. We had a short talk two days ago. He got greedy for power. Richard shot him down pretty quick when he came back. He even got here before I could call him."

"That was us," Cupid said as he appeared, tossing over a box of medicine. "Here, I've heard this works okay sometimes."

"Works for about two hours," Xander said, then he sneezed. "Eww," he said, grabbing the box of tissues as he sat up so he could attempt to empty his nose again. "Thanks, Cupid, two hours of sleep is better than nothing." He gave the winged God a light hug and blew a kiss at him. "Is my thing fixed? I noticed Strife hasn't come back."

"He's been so busy he's takin' a nap," Cupid said with a grin. "He's so *cute* when he naps." He tipped his head off to the side. "Gotta go. Sleep it off, Xander; it'll go away eventually." Then he disappeared.

"So, what portal hit you this time?" he asked.

"Um, ask Ray." Xander took his medicine and curled up to take a nap. He really could use the sleep. He didn't need to argue right now. He sent a silent prayer of thanks to Cupid as he drifted off to sleep.

Oz grabbed the phone and dialed the condo in Chicago. "Put your other half on," he told the voice on the other end. "Because Xander's sick and it's being affected by the last time he went through a portal." He snorted. "Yeah, that's what I thought too, but apparently Cupid and Strife think differently. So put Ray on. Yes, he's been mostly good. Oh, really?" he asked, looking down at Xander. "Well, that might explain a few things, like a few of the bruises on his back." He lifted the edge of the blankets and looked down at the smooth skin, with the huge bruise in the middle of it. "Please? You can torture him into better behavior later," Oz sighed. "I need to know what Xander did. No, he's resting. He's so sick that Strife's been bringing him juice." He laughed. "Please? Well, confession should be part of that," Oz said reasonably. He listened as Ray was put on the line. "What portal and you'd better tell me everything. Because, if you confess how bad Xander was, then I probably won't ask for some time to punish you too." He laughed. "Really?" He lost his humor quickly. "Really?" He hummed and frowned down at his lover. "When did he get sick? And how was he otherwise?" He groaned and rubbed his forehead. "Thank you, Ray. No, Meth, he did good. Telling me all that was an excellent start at atonement. But don't punish him for part of it. You *know* how stubborn he is," he sighed. "I doubt Ray could out-stubborn him." He laughed. "You think? I don't think so, but...if you say so." He hung up and curled up around his lover's body. "Xander, I think we need to talk," he said quietly. One hand worked its way out of the blankets and gave him the one fingered salute. "Do you want to change your answer before I go beat your brother to death?"

"He didn't do it," Xander said quietly, opening his eyes to look at his husband. "It wasn't Micah's fault, it was those other demons. And I kicked their asses even before Jack showed up."

"Excuse me, *Jack*, as in works with Blair and Danny, came to save you?" Xander pulled the blankets over his head. "What happened to your brother looking out for you?"

"He did, but he couldn't stop them. And I kicked their asses," Xander repeated petulantly.

"I'm sure you did, but you shouldn't have been put into that situation." He rubbed down the sore back. "How did you get bruised?"

"I was knocked down on the beach. Some famous guy showed up, and I stupidly stayed on my blanket while the women all ran over to mob him." Xander removed the blankets so he could look at Oz again. "I really didn't mean to get into trouble, Oz. You know what happens when I'm alone, or nearly alone."

"I know," Oz soothed, giving him a hug. "Will you tell me everything that happened?" He got a shrug. "Please?"

"After I nap," Xander sighed, curling up on his mate's stomach. "I need sleep."

"Yup, you need sleep," Oz agreed, soothing his husband the best he could. He noticed something about the long hair he loved to play with. "What happened to your hair?" he asked, picking up the six-inch shorter length.

"It broke so I had to trim it," Xander mumbled into his stomach. "It'll grow back."

"Good, I'll miss those inches." Oz dropped those to run his fingers through the rest of the mass. "I missed you. We both did."

"Then why did Methos go home?"

"Because he wanted to play house slave with Ray. He missed his pookie." Xander snickered at that. "I swear, the man used to call me that, only in Greek, way back when."

Xander looked up. "Did you know Ray and I have our own watcher?"

"Doesn't surprise me," Oz said thoughtfully, stroking his husband. "I don't particularly like it. How do you know?"

"He helped Ray in Chicago because Joe said so."

"Huh, gonna have to do something about that." Oz shrugged it off. He'd do something about it later, after he was done playing with his Xander doll. Maybe he'd even call Richard to check on Giles' training. He was calm enough to not kill his other husband. Probably.

***

Oz woke up and looked around his room, giving it a confused look. Something was different. Oh, he was being stomped on again. He reached down to pat the small kitten, earning purrs and being pressed against by a warm head. "Yeah, I missed you too," he whispered, sitting up to look down at the kitten. "Were you good for Xander?" Somehow her morning habit wasn't annoying him this morning. Maybe he'd spent long enough away. He looked at the lump beside him, giving it a smile. All he could see of Xander was the end of his braid and some movement that must have been breathing. Now all he had to do was broach the hard subject with his lover, changing identities. It was time. Not that Xander was going to agree, because he wasn't, and he wasn't going to be happy about it either. This meant they were going to have to put the house in Sunnydale into someone else's name for a bit until they could claim it again. Then they would have to camouflage all the money and put it away for themselves in their future incarnation.

Then the phone rang.

He picked it up. "Yeah?" he asked. He snorted. "Hey, Sam. No, you didn't wake me. Nope, I got home yesterday and had to straighten out a bank mess. Huh." He looked down at his husband's back. "Did my husband have something to do with that?" He laughed. "Yeah, I thought so; it sounded like something he might do." He looked at the clock beside his bed. "I don't know. Sure, come on down. No, we're still in Miami. We can come back to Sunnydale if it'd make you more comfortable." He looked at the wall. "Sure, three days. Yup, anything for you guys, you know that." He hung up and leaned over his husband's side to kiss him on the covered head. "That was Sam." He got a grunt. "They want us to come listen to a proposal." That got another grunt. "We're going home."

Xander uncovered his head. "Really?"

"Really. It sounded like they really wanted your opinion on something. We need to be there in three days."

"You make the reservations," Xander said, sounding stuffed up as he climbed out of bed. "I'll work on getting the animals together so we can all go back together."

Oz stopped him from moving too far away. "Xander, it's time to move on," he said quietly. His husband looked at him. "It's time to switch personas. We're about ready to run out of room on our present ones. We're too old to look this good, babe."

Xander patted him on the face. "I'm not giving up any of the houses."

"I know. There's a way around it. We'll let Steve do all the paperwork for us, and we'll walk off into the sunset and spend some time playing somewhere before coming back to the US."

"But we are coming back, right?"

"Very true," Oz agreed. "Meth and I both agreed it's time for all of us to be moving on. Ray's about ready to age outside of his persona too."

"Are we moving with them?"

"No."

Xander started to pout. "But I'll miss Ray and Meth."

"They'll be back," Oz promised, pulling him down for a hug. "But they're going to go spend some time alone, and Methos is going to get to play house master and slave. We'll go on vacation. Then we'll come back as our new persona, able to act fully like our new selves." He patted Xander on the ass. "Okay?"

"No, but I guess I don't have a choice," Xander said, trying not to sound like he was upset.

"I don't like it either," Oz said quietly. "But we'll manage it." He patted him on the ass again. "Go make the reservations for us." He watched his husband walk out of the bedroom and sighed, that had gone much better than he expected. Which meant he was going to be in for it later. He leaned back against the pillows, ready to start the planning even without Xander's semi-helpful input.

***

Xander walked into his favorite place and sighed. He was going to miss this house if he had to leave it for a few years. He smiled down at the twin boys running out to meet them. "Hey, guys. We brought the animals." He got out of Oz's way, letting him lug in the animal carriers. He headed back to his writing room and sat down on his favorite sofa, and sulked. D'Nalia walked in and gave him a hug. "I won't leave this house," he announced.

She patted him on the head. "Don't worry, I'm sure Oz won't make you leave the house for good." She smiled down at him. "Even if you do have to become someone else for a few years."

"But I like who I am, finally," Xander told her. "It took me *years* to become comfy with myself, and now I have to leave it?"

"Xander, you knew this was going to be a price to be paid," Oz said from the doorway.

"I know, but I like myself," Xander told him.

"And you'll still be you," Oz assured him, coming in and sitting in his lap. "I won't force you to become someone radically different. Just answer to a different name. Maybe even find a new hobby or two."

"Maybe it won't be that bad," D'Nalia suggested. "It'll give you a chance to travel some more and you always seemed to look forward to that."

Oz nodded. "Yeah, we could do that, or we could start out with a nice long vacation somewhere warm and sandy. You've been saying that you wanted to go somewhere like that."

Xander shrugged. "Maybe," he admitted, "but I'm not giving up the house. Not this one and not the one in Miami. Or even Vermont."

"Hey, not an issue. See, what we do is leave it in trust for ourselves," Oz explained. "Sorta like we inherit all our stuff, minus estate taxes."

"And I bet you can find some way to get around those," D'Nalia offered. "There's got to be ways around it or the Bushes' would've been broke long before now."

Oz snorted. "I knew the one's grandfather," he noted. "The younger son reminds me a lot of him. He knows about one subject, and everything else is irrelevant to his way of thinking."

"I'll leave you two alone," D'Nalia said, getting up and leaving.

Oz looked down at Xander. "Are you okay?" Xander nodded. "You're sure?" He got another nod. "And you're not going to scream at me when we have to do this?"

"No," Xander sighed. "I won't promise not to be sad or upset."

"Hey, perfectly understandable." Oz gave him a hug. "I'm going to be sad too. I love this house." He looked at the bare walls. "We can always set ourselves up in a new house somewhere though."

"Won't be the same."

"True, but it could be just as nice," Oz offered. "We can work on finding it now, while we're working on the new identities."

"How are we going to disappear?" Xander asked quietly. "There's going to be a lot of people who will get really upset if we die. I don't want my fans, the ones who write letters and stuff, to go through that."

"So we'll mysteriously disappear," Oz told him simply. Not that it was going to be easy, but it could happen. He'd done it before. "We'll minimize the emotional content of our leaving."

"Okay," Xander agreed, taking Oz's hand to hold. "What if whatever we're going to be pushed into by Sam is good?"

"Then we'll probably do that instead for a while. We'll disappear that way, after removing some of our money, and it'll still be okay." He kissed his mate on the cheek. "We'll even bring Giles."

"He's on his way home," Xander admitted. "I didn't think we should be making decisions like this without his input."

"All right," Oz agreed. "I'll try not to jump on him about it."

"I won't," Xander said softly. "I think I'm owed an explanation."

"Yeah, we are," Oz said softly, cuddling into the warm arms. "How are you feeling?"

"Crappy."

"Want me to send D'Nalia out for some medicine?"

"Won't work. Even Dayquil is only working for two hours at a time." He yawned. "I need a nap." He pushed Oz off his lap and headed up to his bed. They hadn't been able to move it to Miami, but that was all right with him. He loved this bed; it had come to him from his grandmother. He slid onto the soft sheets and sighed, really comfortable for the first time since they'd left the house for Miami. He closed his eyes, not even opening them when he felt someone sliding in behind him. Whoever it was was comforting so it was okay with him. Besides, if it was someone Oz didn't want napping with him, he'd move them.

***

Cupid looked up as Oz walked into the bedroom, giving him a sad smile. "Did you know he doesn't feel comfortable anywhere else?" he asked quietly. "This is his sanity."

Oz sat on the foot of the bed so he could watch them. "I know, but we can't stay here the whole time."

"Nah, but you could let him come home more often." He stroked down Xander's hair. "Oz, this is home for him, nowhere else. This is where he feels safest and most comfortable. Anything he associates with good stuff comes back to here. Do the cousin thing this time."

"His parents are still alive," Oz pointed out. "They'll contest it."

"And you think they won't come to the estate lawyer with their hands out anyway?" Cupid asked. Oz shook his head. "At least you're being realistic about this, but he's got to stay for a while. He can pass with some simple camouflage. Become reclusive again, it'll work for a few years."

"Unless we need groceries or he gets really sick," Oz pointed out.

"Nah, you've got the housekeeper for that," Strife said as he appeared. "I agree, Oz, you can't make him move on yet. He'll never forgive you when he loses the house to his parents. Who, by the way, are going to try to get more money from him to support them in their old age," he said dryly.

"I've heard whispers about that," Oz admitted. "But we can't be that obvious anymore either."

"So don't be," Cupid agreed. "Xander can hold the stories for a later life. Just give him enough time to finish the fantasy novel first and then become reclusive."

Strife nodded. "It worked for that Hughes guy," he reminded him.

"Yeah, but he aged," Oz pointed out. "We can't take the chance that someone will notice that he's not aging."

"Oz, plastic surgery is a wonderful thing in this day and age," Cupid reminded him. "It can make a thirty year old look less than twenty, or a fifty year old look twenty if it's done right. Humans do have those sort of skills."

"I know," Strife said as he sat beside Oz on the edge of the bed. "Make up some story about Xander being hurt on vacation, seriously hurt - like scarred or maimed sorta hurt. Then put a plastic surgeon on retainer, even though you never use him. Tell anyone who asks that you're not coming out until after Xander is back to normal, or ever if he doesn't feel comfy with it."

"Yeah, make it that someone hurt him while he was out traveling. Some crazed fan or something." Cupid shrugged. "It happens. Everyone already knows that Xander's got some seriously deranged people after him; his hate group proves that."

"Yeah, I guess we could," Oz said, thinking about it. "That would give us at least another ten years. More if Xander would dye his hair lighter, or add more streaks." He fingered one of the white streaks through the black hair. "I guess I could start to make myself look older too." He looked up. "Why? You're not usually this interfering of people having to move on."

"It'll kill him in ways that only you leaving him will," Cupid told him, then he and Strife disappeared.

Oz watched his husband sleep and considered bothering his best friend, but Methos and Ray needed some time alone too. That's why Methos had ordered Ray back to Chicago. No, he could make this decision himself, but some input might be nice. Maybe he'd call Richard, he knew about things like people, something Oz knew he wasn't good at.

***

Oz let Xander lead the way into the meeting room in the Sunnydale base, letting him pick their seats too. He nodded at Daniel and Blair, who were sitting next to each other.

"So what's the big?" Xander asked, giving everyone smiles. "Not that I'm complaining, I missed my house."

"Because of you," Sam said, standing up so she could start the projector, "we've found a whole new source of places to look for allies." She smiled at Xander. "Because of you, we've four habitable planets in close range." She pointed at the diagram showing on the screen.

Oz patted Xander on the shoulder. "Congrats, you moved us closer to Star Trek."

"Oh, he's done more than that," Daniel said, giving Xander a fond smile. "Because of him we've also found a great new ally. They're strong and peaceful. Apparently they and Xander are a lot alike," he told Oz. "Their lives are much easier, filled with peace and pleasure. They have polygamous marriages, though they are matrilineal."

Sam nodded. "To them, men are the weaker of the species and need to be protected and coddled." She smiled at Daniel. "She seemed quite surprised that we weren't matrilineal. According to them, most of the universe is."

"They consider there to be four universes," Blair reminded her.

"With another one forming," Sam agreed.

"Is this a desperate plea for another present?" Oz asked.

"No," Sam said quickly. "Not at all. They want to meet you two." Oz raised one eyebrow. "We ran into the leader who got Xander's last present, the two ambassadors started talking, and he told her about you and how brave you were."

"So I'm an example of a male warrior?" Xander asked.

"Something like that," Blair agreed dryly. "Or at least a male who's not happy to sit at home and take care of the children."

"But I like to stay at home," Xander said, looking a little confused.

"Yeah, but their men consider it an insult to want to leave the home and work. None of their alliances have men that want to go out and work. We're the first people they've met that have men who don't have to, but do work out of the home."

"Oh," Oz said, nodding. "It's more because he's rich enough to sit at home but doesn't?" Everyone else nodded. "Okay." He looked at his mate. "That thrill you?"

"Sounds good to me," Xander said with a shrug. He looked at Sam, who was nipping at her bottom lip. "What's the issue then?"

"Time runs differently there," Blair told them. "We were there for what was two days our time and was about eight hours their's."

"Ah," Oz said, nodding. He looked at Daniel. "So this really comes down to us or you and Steve?"

"We'd be going too," Daniel said, looking over at him. "Blair and I would both be going and there'd be a lot of traveling back and forth."

"Animals?" Xander asked.

"They're *fascinated* with cats," Blair said with a grin. "Dessie also got petted by everyone in the room, until she got fussy and nipped someone for pulling her tail." He chuckled lightly. "You'd be allowed to bring the whole brood."

"How long are we talking our time?" Oz asked.

"About three years total," Daniel told him. "Long enough to set up a diplomatic mission and work on some reciprocal agreements for things like technology and knowledge."

"Are they going to just *give* us knowledge?" Xander asked. "That doesn't sound like we're going to be able to handle it."

"We've done it before," Sam assured him, pushing some of her blonde hair behind her ear. "We're not going to ask for anything too far up the chain from what we already have. We *will* be asking for permission to have some of our people train with them, to learn about their people and allies."

"We'd like to set up a mutual aid pact," Daniel explained. "Something so that both of our peoples' benefit. Some of our top scholars going there to train and learn; some of their people coming here to learn from us and maybe show us where we're going wrong."

"How will they feel about our current social status?" Oz asked. "I noticed some hostilities brewing again when I was in Europe. There was a definite 'go away' feeling in some places we went."

"We know," Daniel sighed. "But it can't be helped. They look human, which will help some of this, but we'll have to tread very carefully. Fifty years, or more, of science fiction with human-killing and eating aliens won't help us any." He smiled at Xander. "That why we're sending diplomats and interesting people to them now. Someone who can help them acclimate when we've set up enough safe space for them to start coming down here."

"And me being a writer will help?" Xander asked. Blair nodded. "Am I going to be fed stories?"

"I think you'll probably get permission to write down some of theirs and disseminate them here," Blair said thoughtfully.

Oz shook his head. "We were about to change identities."

"Which would be perfect," Sam piped in. "A brand new Sci-Fi writer with interesting stories about aliens who are good, peaceful, and fun loving? Sounds like a winner to me." She shrugged when Xander looked at her. "Sorry, but I'd buy it and I used to read a lot of science fiction and fantasy."

"Maybe, but it's too pat," Oz told her. "There's a lot of problems for a new writer to break through. It isn't all about talent." He patted Xander's hand. "If he had started out writing fantasy, we might never have gotten him published. Because he started out with a sex manual, he got into a certain type of publishing house and they've stayed with him so far."

"Oz, they know what I am," Xander whispered. "My editor is a demon. He brought it up with me before."

"Oh, really?" Oz asked, turning to look at his husband. "What did he say?"

"Something about getting together with him before I made any major changes." He shrugged when everyone else looked at him. "My editor is a demon," he explained. "He told me what I was."

Oz sighed. "We'll talk to him soon," he agreed. He looked at Sam. "I'd like more to base this decision on. Do we have a profile or anything?"

"Better, we have a delegate here," she said with a smile. "They wanted first approval over anyone that might be coming to them so one of the head woman's wives is here to judge you three."

"Giles too?" Oz asked.

"Yup," Blair said, leaning back in his chair. "I know you guys are presently fighting, but they were interested in him too. They were wondering if it was some sort of paternal interest," he stopped when Oz snorted. "We know, but she doesn't. Personally," he said, taking Daniel's hand to squeeze, "none of us want our personal lives exposed that way."

"True," Oz agreed, looking at Daniel. "Some of you would be just as exposed."

"Not that being GHS would be acceptable to the military," Xander added. "Your General is very understanding."

"He takes 'don't ask, don't tell' seriously," Sam told them. "He doesn't care unless it starts to affect your work or you're dating someone within the group." She turned off the projector and sat down. "Guys, we need you. We don't have any other contacts that we can trust with this, especially not ones that can handle stuff on their own if there's suddenly a problem and you won't be able to get back to us for a few hours." She looked down the table at Daniel. "He and Jack will be going with you."

"And Blair," Daniel pipped up, "and our ferret, Dessie too. They really liked her."

"Okay," Oz said, after looking at Xander. "We'll talk to the representative. But if we feel even the least little bit uncomfortable, then we...."

"We'll go," Xander said quietly. He looked at his mate. "You were talking about how to disappear for a while. "We'll go on a long trip and go missing. In three years we'll come back and have everything in order. That way there's no problems. It'll give Steve three years to do this for us."

"Xander, you can't do this lightly," Daniel told him. "This is three years out of your life."

Xander looked over at him. "What's three years to us?" he asked simply. Daniel looked away. "We'll go," he repeated, looking at his husband. "We can come back as the spoiled love monkeys of ourselves, who inherited everything. The only problem I'm foreseeing is Meth and Ray."

"Steve will be with them," Daniel told them, his voice calm. "He's already got papers for you to sign so they and he have control of your assets while you're gone." He glanced around the table. "Xander, three years is still a long time. You don't know when that last fight will come."

"Then why not take advantage of it?" Xander said calmly. "This will be a new experience. Something that no one else will be able to get. Why not enjoy those three years instead of sulking about whether or not that one day will be your last. Even people who live very long times need something new and unusual in their lives, or they break down faster."

"You'll start to hate yourself," Oz added. "That's what Meth was trying to tell you the last time we trained together. Even though your time may be up tomorrow, if it's not, you've got a hell of a long life ahead of you, and you'd better be prepared to at least amuse yourself during that time." He gripped Xander's hand. "Otherwise, you stagnate and start to hate yourself and what you are. You'll start to regret living and you'll start being careless. That's why so many of us don't make the two century mark, Daniel. We don't want to because life isn't worth it anymore, not because we're too bad at fighting."

Daniel nodded. "Thanks." He looked over at Blair. "He made me promise to not get careless when he dies."

Xander reached over to touch Daniel's arm. "He'll be coming with us for a while," he told Blair. "He'll be able to grieve, and we'll make sure he won't walk out into a fight without a blade." Blair nodded, looking a little happier. "He and Steve both have a place in our home when the time comes that they need to get away from their old lives and grieve."

Daniel smiled at him. "Thanks, Xander." He cleared his throat. "Want to go meet the representative?"

"Sure," Xander said, pushing back and standing up, Oz following his move. They walked down the hallway, running into Jack, who was guarding the door. "This the delegate's room?" Xander asked.

"Yup, but she's *busy*," Jack said, rolling his eyes at the loud groan from inside. "And probably going to stay that way for a few hours."

Daniel sighed. "I guess you guys can go home and come in tomorrow?" Oz nodded. "Thanks, guys."

"Hey, not a problem. Want to come to dinner?" Xander asked.

"Nah," Jack said with a smile. "We've got a formal dinner tonight and the General even managed to get real food served." Blair snickered at that.

"That's cool. Call us when you want us to come in," Oz said, leading Xander away.

"And remember, dawn to us is noon," Xander called back, waving at them as he was tugged away.

Sam shook her head. "At least they'll find them interesting," she noted.

"Very interesting," Blair agreed, subtly touching his man's back. "I've got some research I want to do. Come help me, Danny?"

"Sure," Daniel said, following him down to their new lab.

Jack and Sam looked at each other, then cracked up laughing. "Not subtle at all," she said finally.

Jack shook his head. "I don't blame them. Blair found a gray hair the other day. He's got worries about Danny right now. They probably need to...connect linguistically. Or whatever Anthropologists call it."

"I think it's called sex, sir, even to them," she said with good humor, going to her own lab.

Jack just leaned against the wall and went back to listening to the new ambassador go at it.

***

Xander looked across the table at Giles, who wasn't looking all that comfortable. "This is up to you now," he said calmly. "You can either come back and be yourself again, or we'll ask Cupid if we can dissolve your part of the bond." He got up and went into his writing room.

Oz looked over at Giles once Xander was out of sight. "He was pissed enough to write that book, and even more so. You broke his trust," he said quietly. "Both of our trusts. I'm sure he'd like a good explanation, something besides the energy was using you and needed to be expended." He took a sip of his lemonade. "The one problem we'll have in taking this assignment is that you'll have to come with us. We'll have to act like we're a trio again for the next three years."

"Oz, I can't leave the resort that long."

"Steve and Methos are taking it over," Oz said gently. "It's time for all of us to move on to a new identity. We're doing a shift to the left. We're leaving, Methos, Ray, and Steve are going to run the resort. Richie is thinking about working with Danny. And, if something happens to Blair, then Danny's going to become the newest member of Xander's family. He's already said so," he noted at the opening mouth. "Xander understands the grief that would make Danny walk out into a fight without a blade, and he's promised Blair to look after him. He's going to end up being part of the crew, the same way Richie and Steve are." He took another sip. "In order for you to come back, we will be setting down some ground rules. You will not use your magic on us. Or while we're there." Giles stiffened. "We don't know how they feel about magic. We don't even know if it will work on their planet. There will be opportunities for you to go off by yourself, I suggest you take a few and figure some things out quickly. If Xander's upset enough to write some of those things about you, then he's nearly upset enough to do some of them. Blair's decided he's going to be working with a few different faiths to understand that part of the society. You can help him, or you can help Daniel in his history projects. Xander's going to be doing some more minor writing stuff probably. I'll be officially heading the family and dealing with all the daily life problems. You'll be able to fit yourself in there somewhere. Try to at least look happy to be around us in public." He stood up and went into the kitchen.

Giles got up to follow him, making Oz look at him. "Oz, I know I screwed up badly, but I really didn't mean to. I never meant to hurt you or Xander. I'm sorry I did so, but I really couldn't help myself. When I was having sex was the only time that the energy settled in me. You don't know what it's like to have energy coursing through you in such quantities that you *have* to find some way to settle it."

"Sounds like a quickening," Oz said dryly. "Next time, take up jogging." He got free and finished his trek for more lemonade. "I mean it, Giles, If you hurt Xander ever again, I'll make sure you're relegated to the edge of the group for good." He turned to find his husband staring at the floor. "Got me here?"

"Yes, I understand," Giles said quietly. "I'll do my best to make it up to the both of you." He walked away, going to find Xander and apologize.

Oz sipped his lemonade. Maybe this was what they needed to get back on track.

***

The day finally came when they were to leave. Steve had everything well in hand and working to keep everything in their life even and going. There wouldn't be any problems from a bank this time. Xander had sat down with him and explained all his investments and what Steve was to invest in if asked. All the animals were crated up and the twins had said goodbye to them all, except one of the ferrets who? was staying with them and the hellhound puppy who went to live with Spike and Seth. Giles had managed to make peace with Xander, and they were speaking again, but not very friendly. Everything was ready for Xander to leave his home for three years. Steve and Methos even had contingency plans in place. Ray had all the information from Xander's demon accounts and had promised to keep them for him.

Even Micah had gotten over this sudden change. He wasn't happy about it, but he had gotten used to it. Angel, Spike, and Seth had been consulted and told; they had Sunnydale and LA well in hand. Angel had even taken a message to Xander's parents that told them to go away permanently. They hadn't taken the hint, but they wouldn't be able to bother anyone. When Angel had failed, Wesley and Micah had gone to see them, and, after some friendly persuasion, they had signed papers saying that they would leave Xander and his assets alone.

Xander's editor had sent out a small message saying that Xander was retreating into seclusion to get away from certain people. There was a small outcry over it, but he assured them that Xander would probably continue to write. That made some happy and made a few pissed, but that was mostly his hate group, which was who Xander was supposedly hiding from.

Everything was shipped to Colorado and moved to their new house, and then the formal greeting with the ambassador was taken care of. Xander took Oz's hand and squeezed it before walking through the Stargate.

GHS in Space

Note: before anyone asks, no this planet isn't from another book. It's from one I'm trying to finish writing. The muses demanded some GHS time while I was working on it, though, and this is what happened.

Xander looked around their home for the next three years and sighed. "This doesn't remind me of home at all," he said, flopping down onto a soft-looking couch. "Oh, marshmallows," he said as he struggled to get up. "Help?" he asked. Giles pulled him up. "Thanks." He looked around the rest of the sitting area, shaking his head as he headed up to the bedroom. "At least this is good," he told himself. "Oz, come see."

Oz jogged into the room, smiling at the large, flat, and obviously comfortable spot. Dessie had already staked out a claim on it. "Well, if their ferret's comfy," he said with a shrug. He patted Xander on the rear. "That sitting room is only for formal events. You're supposed to sit on those couches and eat." He looked around at the closet doors. "I guess that one's the bathroom," he said, pointing at an open one. "We'll have to get one of the servants to show us how to use the tub later." He led Xander out of the room and back down the narrow stairs. He walked them through the rest of the rooms, figuring out what they'd use each one for. They finally came to a room with a couch like Xander's back at home, and many small statuettes interspersed with candles. "This will be your private room," he said quietly. "Your writing area."

"What about sewing?" Xander asked.

"That's a household chore, and we've got a special room for that downstairs. You'll be getting a tour of that either later tonight or tomorrow." He squeezed the firm globe he'd kept his hand on throughout the tour. "Come on, we've got to get changed. Fortunately, their clothes look a lot like your favorite dance pants." He forced his husband up to their bedroom, smiling at the other people sharing their house with them. "Hey, guys, can't find your bedroom?"

"All our clothes were put in here," Blair explained, pulling down the new clothes that were sitting with his stuff. "We're moving them around right now."

"We've got that reception tonight," Xander reminded them, going to find his own clothes and figure out what suitable meant now. He laughed as he pulled out his favorite pair of dance pants and put them on. "Yeah, this'll work," he announced, turning to look at his men, and their friends.

Jack shuddered. "No offense, but can I wear my own clothes?" he asked Oz. When he got a shrug, he turned to the pair of anthropologists. "Well?"

"It might insult them or...they might take your unease into account," Blair said, looking at his partner. "Isn't there someone here that we can ask? I know we'll need to be briefed on eating rituals before we go. They adapted to our ways while they were with us."

Daniel walked out and came back a few minutes later with someone dressed in robes. "Here, this is our protocol manager," he said.

The older man bowed. "How may I help you?"

"Well, is this appropriate?" Xander asked, showing off his outfit.

"Xander, that has a stain on it," Blair pointed out, pointing at the small white spot on the butt. "Wear something new."

"Oops."

The older man smiled. "That would be manageable, but you should put on a robe over it, as I am dressed," he said, pointing at his own attire. He saw Jack frown. "We understand that all of you may not be entirely comfortable, but we ask that, for formal events, that you at least try. Here, in your own house, it should not matter unless you're receiving someone important." Jack nodded with a sigh and dug into his part of the closets. "Was there another matter that needed attending to?"

"Where's everyone going tonight?" Jack asked.

"There will be someone who will come pick you up tonight. They'll also be your guide during the dinner and reception." Daniel nodded at that, looking interested. "She is your sponsor and argued long and hard to allow you to come up here."

"We'll try not to be too much of a disappointment," Daniel said seriously. "Have we met her?"

"Yes, she was the third ambassador that came down to meet with your people."

Blair nodded. "She was pretty cool about stuff." He looked at Xander's monochromatic outfit. "Is that appropriate?" he asked, pointing it out.

"It would be. It'll be seen as a cautious and conservative outfit. He will still have to decorate himself, but that shouldn't be a problem. When I helped unpack your personal items I found many things that would suit for tonight's reception." He bowed to them again. "Let me go settle things downstairs and I'll be right back. We'll use him as an example." He left the room quietly, heading down to start the house running.

Xander sat down on the bed. "I think I'm going to need my forge," he said quietly. "I know I'm the only one in our family who packed any major jewelry." He looked around the room, then smiled when he saw the altar set up on the other side of the room. "Let me send a prayer winging out into the ether, and we'll get started." He rolled onto his side and got to his knees, crawling over to the small altar. He knelt before it and lit the silver and white candles, then sent out a nice, long prayer to his Gods and friends. They would probably get a kick out of it. He opened his eyes and found their protocol manager standing in the room again. "Hey, what's your name anyway?"

"My name is Sethryn."

"Are you intelligence or some other sort of agent?" Jack asked smugly.

Sethryn frowned at him. "I am no such thing. Men do not go into intelligence here." He straightened up. "I do, however, report to your sponsor if you're having difficulties."

"He's sorry," Daniel told him, giving Jack a glare. "At home, it's usual to put at least one intelligence officer into any new ambassador's staff to make sure that they're ...."

"Legitimate?" Blair suggested. He smiled at Sethryn. "At home, we've recently come out of nearly forty years of hostilities with another country. Not an open war, but nearly one. That's where the practice came from."

"I see. That would make sense." He smiled at Blair. "I'm sure that wouldn't be necessary here. You're many millions of miles from home. I would think finding a friend would be more important."

"It is," Oz agreed, "but Jack wanted to have everything in the open. He's been in the military most of his life and he can get jumpy about such things." He looked around the room. "Tomorrow, can you give us a tour of the market? I'd like to find some weavers to become acquainted with."

"And I'm going to want to find a forge," Xander said quickly, standing up and walking around the end of the bed to sit beside his Oz. Sethryn looked a little confused so he explained. "I made most of the jewelry I packed. If I don't keep up on my skills, they could start to leave me."

"Ah, I see." Sethryn smiled. "I had heard you sewed."

"I do that too," Xander agreed. "Oz said that there was a sewing room around here somewhere."

"There is. It's downstairs. I'll show that to you tomorrow." He motioned for Xander to stand up. "That is a perfect outfit, but it does need some decoration...and you will need to do some personal grooming before you should be getting dressed."

"Bathing?" Blair suggested.

"And oiling," Sethryn agreed. "It's the convention for unmarried males."

"Then Jack's the only one who needs to do that," Daniel said, smirking at Jack. "What do men who are married to each other do?"

"What do you do at home?" Sethryn asked.

"Hide," Jack snorted. "It's not a widely accepted lifestyle," he explained at the shocked look.

"Ah." Sethryn considered the two men on the bed. "Who heads your family?"

"It's mostly Xander's money but I do all the monetary stuff," Oz told him.

"I really don't get along well with things like bills," Xander admitted with a cute grin. "Oz deals with the mundane stuff so I can be myself."

"Who deals with the household matters?"

"The housekeeper," Xander and Oz said together.

Sethryn chuckled. "I see." He considered it. "We'll set Oz as the Head of the Household in your case. Xander will be marked as a first husband, and your second, Giles, as a secondary husband." He looked at the other couple. "And yours?"

"I do the housework," Blair admitted. "But I also pay the bills."

"Will it matter which one we are?" Daniel asked. "He'll be working with a few of the religions. I'll be working with the historians."

"And I'll be writing hopefully," Xander added in. He looked at Jack. "Wasn't Sam supposed to come with us?"

"She'll be up tomorrow," Jack told him, moving to lean against the closet door. "Her father needed her for something."

"When she does, she'll become the defacto leader of the household," Sethryn told them. "Only a woman can truly head a house. You'll then take on the mantle of her core of husbands." He laughed at the disgusted looks. "Not that you'll be asked to prove it, but that's how our social system is set up. Unless you want to mark yourselves as relatives of hers, or protected beings in her care?"

"Well, we treat Sam like she's a sister," Blair said, looking over at Jack. "But she's not an actual relative."

"Would there be drawbacks to being under her protection?" Oz asked. "I've dealt with a society before that had large ones." Daniel looked over at him. "I knew some Amazons," he told him. "They weren't happy with the fact that I'm infertile but they did manage to train me in some of their tactics, which is why I was there. Then I kept my promise by helping them leave Greece."

"Where was Meth?" Daniel asked.

"In Sparta, trying to get away from the King, who had kidnaped him because he was smart, and the King needed an advisor like him." He smiled. "Which is why they never got to take over Greece and eventually all died out. He wasn't happy to be forced to work for him."

"Is slavery still alive on your planet?" Sethryn asked.

"There's an underground form of it," Daniel told him. "Mostly of women and children, primarily for sexual purposes or for organ transplants." He shrugged at the grimace. "It's something we're trying to stop, but some of the countries that allow it aren't cooperating."

"Where do your people stand on that issue?" Blair asked.

"We use it as an alternative to the death penalty," Sethryn said honestly. "Their assets are taken and either given to the victim or their family, depending on the crime and the social level of the person who committed the crime, and then they're given manual tasks like park maintenance. Your sponsor will be able to explain more about our judicial system tonight. She will also be explaining some items about our sexual code of conduct," he said lightly. "There are many things that may seem strange to you, but she'll explain all that tonight." He looked Xander over. "Come, let us use you as an example and get you into a bath."

"Where are the other bathrooms?" Blair asked. "That way, once we've learned how to work the controls, we'll be able to go take our own."

"This is the master suite. Everyone else baths together," Sethryn told him. "There's a bathing chamber downstairs. I'll show you that after I teach you how to use the individual tub."

"Will Sam be getting this room then?" Xander asked.

"She should, but I expected you two would be taking it as the majority of the animals are yours."

"They don't tend to sleep with us," Oz told him, following him into the bathroom. "Wow. Little hole in the floor."

Sethryn got down onto his knees and touched the three dials beside the hole in the floor. "This first one controls the depth," he said, turning it to show the bathtub get deeper, until it was deep enough for a seven-foot man to stand up and the water still come up to his shoulders. "This next one controls the length." He turned it and the hole expanded outward, becoming more bathtub shaped, until at least three people could sit in it together. "If you push and turn, it controls the width." He did so and it expanded sideways. "This last button controls the water temperature," he said, turning the dial, and water started flowing in through a hole in the side wall. "Left is warmer, right is colder." He stood back up. "Now then, Xander, please strip and climb in. You can adjust the depth and width once you're in there." He watched as the young man stripped and climbed in, showing him how to manage the dials.

"What about his hair?" Jack asked. "He's got a lot of it."

"We have a pitcher for that if he doesn't want to dunk it under the water," Sethryn told him. "Isn't that how you do it?"

"Pretty much, but we have a water wasting device called a shower," Blair explained. "Water comes from above you and flows down over you."

"Ah, we have one of those in the shared baths downstairs. It's at one end of the bathing chamber." He handed Xander some soap. "Don't stay in too long. The water has an organism in it that eats dirt and germs."

"Then why the soap?" Jack asked.

"For his hair," Sethryn told him patiently. "The organism alone won't get his hair shiny or manageable." He led them away, down to the shared bathing chambers.

"Want help?" Oz asked.

"Nah," Xander said, giving him a smile. "It feels like bubbles against my skin. Go join them and tell me what I'm missing." Oz gave him a kiss then left him alone to do his hair. Xander carefully unbound it and let it float in the water for a few minutes before picking up the soap and lathering up his hands. It had been a long time since he had washed his own hair, but he would try.

***

Oz walked into the room where he could hear noise and smiled. This was a nice bathing chamber. "This is great," he said, walking over to where Jack was examining a decorative waterfall. "That end," he said quietly, nodding back at the ornaments he'd just passed. "Just like a Roman bath." He stripped and joined the other men in the bathing portion, smiling at them. "Xander's working on his hair." He splashed them, earning a squeal of outrage and retaliation.

Jack shook his head at the water fight, going to get clean. Baths never made him feel really clean, no matter what was in the water. He finally got the shower working and sighed in relief. A long stream of water, wide enough for him to stand in the middle of. He jumped when he felt the bubbly feeling against his skin, but he went with it. When in Rome and all that....

***

Xander quit struggling with his hair as a woman walked in, giving her a smile instead. "Are those towels?" he asked, pointing at the bundles. She put down the rest and held one up for his inspection. "Great, thanks," he said, working the last of the soap out of his hair. He carefully pushed the button for the water, which made it drain out, as he'd found out by accident earlier, and raised the bottom of the tub until he could get out. He took the towel and dried himself off, giving her another smile. "Is everyone else still bathing?"

She said something that he didn't understand and pushed a button on the wall, across from the tub.

"Oh." He thought. Then he held up a hand with four finger. "Other men bathing?" he tried. She laughed and turned him around, showing him the mirror on the far wall, which was showing him the water fight downstairs. He thought that was only a picture. "Thanks," he said, giving her another smile. "I'm going to get Sethryn to teach me the language." She said something else and left him alone. He continued to dry off as he watched Oz dunk Blair.

"Hey, no fair," Blair called. He ran his fingers through his hair. "Now I need to wash this mess."

"You probably had to anyway," Jack said as he walked into the picture, handing over a bar of soap. "Feels really silky, and it's slimy enough to drop."

"It floats," Daniel said, pointing at a bar he had started floating earlier. He looked up and stopped, then pointed. "Hey, Xander," he said, waving.

"Hey, guys, I just found the one on this side." He looked down at Blair. "Start from the bottom and work your way up. Trust me, you'll never get it out of the ends otherwise." He waved and went back into the bedroom, finding Sethryn laying out clothes. "Don't trust them?" he asked.

"Not particularly," he said with a grim smile. "Your sponsor has asked that Jack be attired properly tonight." He stopped when he saw Xander's towel. "That's actually a sheet to cover the bottom of the tub. You switch them out by person."

"The woman held one up," Xander said with a shrug. "It works."

"It would," Sethryn said, coming over and sitting Xander on the bed. "Now we must prepare you. Do you do that at home with help or not?"

"Depends on what you mean by prepare," Oz said as he walked in, wrapped in a much smaller piece of cloth. "We don't usually do much when we go out besides our hair and brush our teeth."

"Here, you'll be expected to be oiled or perfumed, as well as being groomed. Jack will have to be oiled as he is unmated. The rest of you will need to match with your mates, or at least harmonize with him. The second is more if you're looking for someone to round out your group." Oz nodded at that. "Also, you'll have to shave. All of you and all of your group. We have long ago gotten rid of body hair in our people. It's considered a gross defect now if you're hairy."

Oz sighed. "Okay," he agreed. "You get to tell Jack though."

"Of course," Sethryn said, looking confused again. "That is my job."

"I think he means he was going to tell everyone but Jack won't react favorably to that news," Xander explained. "We don't have a shaving issue for men, but some do shave their faces."

"That's partially religious and partially cultural," Oz told him, sitting beside him on the bed. "So, what would you do for us? Oil or perfume?"

"First, I would shave you," Sethryn reminded him. "Come, to the public baths with you both." He led them down, herding the others down with them when they ran into them in the halls. "You all have to shave," he announced. He smiled when he saw Jack run a hand across his cheek. "Not only there," he explained. "Our people have bred body hair out of their lines. It's now considered a gross defect to have body hair." Jack groaned. "You're allowed to keep your eyebrows, eyelashes, and the hair on your heads, but nowhere else."

Xander looked around. "Guys, where's Giles?"

"Probably out somewhere exploring," Oz sighed.

"I'll send someone to get him," Sethryn told him, going to find one of the servants. He came back a minute later. "He'll be found. He's somewhere in the garden." He walked over to a shelf and pulled down different colored bars of soap, these were white. "You use these to get rid of the hair. It should last at least a week."

Oz looked over at Xander. "Please don't get them confused."

Blair laughed. "Him and me both. We need to bind up our hair before we do this." He accepted the cap, watching as Xander was helped into his before putting it on. "Okay, now what do we do?"

"You clean off the hair," Sethryn told them. "It shouldn't take you more than a few minutes. Just like you would with regular soap." He stepped back into the shadows and watched as they arranged themselves on the side of the pool, their feet dangling in the water.

Oz looked at his bar, then at Xander. Then he grabbed Xander's foot and turned him around. He arranged them so Xander could do his legs while he did his husband's. Daniel and Blair did the same after watching them, and Jack just groaned and did his own. When Giles came in, Jack frowned at him. "Don't even think about it," he warned. "Just jump in, get clean, and shave."

Giles did as he was told, very conscious that everyone was watching him. He made a displeased grunt as the water acted on his skin, but he grabbed the soap and gamely started on his hair

"The water does the rest for you," Oz called. Giles ignored him and did the rest of his skin. "Whatever," he sighed, working the shaving soap across Xander's groin.

"Oh, jeez," Jack said, turning away so he wouldn't have to look at either couple. "Isn't there a way to do this in private?"

"There're shadowed alcoves inside the bathing area," Sethryn said from his corner.

"Thanks," Jack said, sliding into the water to go find one.

"That won't hurt the water, right?" Oz asked.

"It will work even under the water," Sethryn told him.

"Cool," Xander said, sliding into the water. "I'll float and you'll do me, then I'll do you?" he suggested as he got into a pleasing position.

"Xander, if you spread yourself like that, you're going to end up having sex," Blair joked.

Xander grinned at him. "And the bad would be?"

"It would be more than appropriate," Sethryn commented. "Just remember to get *all* your hair off."

"Off our heads?" Giles asked.

"No, we're allowed to keep that and the stuff around our eyes," Oz told him. "Everything else has to go. Daniel, remember to do around his hole too," Oz said as he worked on that area for his husband.

Blair slid into the water, mimicking Xander's position. "Yeah, this'll work," he said, spreading his legs for his lover to work on him.

Xander looked over at Giles, who was still trying not to stare. "They consider body hair to be sickening. This shaves you." He flipped over, letting Oz get the back of his thighs and the slightly hairy area between his cheeks. This was a lot better than shaving or Nairing. He'd take this any day. He felt hands moving up his back and flinched.

"Sorry, gotta be done, want to make you smooth," Oz said quietly, gently working around the large bruise Xander was still carrying around. "I don't like it that you're still bruised, babe. You usually heal faster."

"I was sick," Xander reminded him, shifting so his head was on the side of the pool.

"He's bruised?" Daniel asked, craning his neck to look. "How did he get that?"

"Got run over on the beach by a frenzy of fans," Xander muttered into his arms.

"Gee, I always thought yours were more polite," Daniel said as he worked over Blair's groin area. "This is much easier than shaving."

"Much," Xander agreed. He allowed himself to be flipped over and rinsed clean. "How's that?" he asked his mate.

"Belly and chest next," Oz said, starting a slow stroke up his mate's stomach. He looked over his shoulder. "Jack, you all right over there?"

"Yeah, just trying to get it all."

"Want help?" Daniel asked.

"NO!"

"Jack, it won't be sexual, but you have to get *all* that hair off... and I doubt you bend that way," Blair called. He nodded Daniel over there and moved closer to Xander and Blair. "Jack still considers me that cocky upstart kid who stole his friend. He'll be more comfy with Danny."

"I'll help you," Oz promised, moving to Xander's underarms. "Just a few more minutes," he told his mate, who was looking over at Giles. "Want him to come over and help?"

"No," Xander said, shaking himself. "Just staring off into space in that direction." He gave his Oz a kiss on the tip of the nose. "Just my arms and my face?"

"Yup. Just a few more strokes," Oz promised, moving up to Xander's hands. He abandoned those and moved up to do his mate's facial area. "Try not to inhale this." He finally moved away, letting Xander dunk himself. "Okay, arms up," he ordered Blair. He grabbed the soap to relather his hands, starting on the extremely hairy stomach and back. "I hope this doesn't have a growth inhibitor," he said quietly.

"Nope, it shouldn't," Blair said, giving him a smile. "Oz, I want to thank you for taking care of Danny. You know, in advance." Oz gave him a nod and a serious look. "It means a lot to me that he won't be alone. I have this recurring nightmare that the whole team goes at once, including me. I don't think Danny would make it if it's going to come true. He's emotionally very strong, but he's been hurt too much already." He turned to let Oz finish his back.

"Xander, come move this curl," Oz said. He waited until Xander had shoved the curl back into the cap and gotten a kiss before starting again. "Blair, it's not a problem. Danny isn't the only one like that. We were going to go the nearly full seclusion route because Xander couldn't stand to leave his old life yet. Watching out for Danny's not going to be an issue. He's my student, and all good teachers would do the same." He finished up under the other man's armpits, making him wiggle. "Sorry, didn't know you were ticklish." He let Blair rinse so he could start on his arms and hands. He jumped when he felt hands touching his butt and glared at his husband. "I'll mess up if you do that," he warned Xander, who just grinned.

"Who said I had soap?" Xander asked as he slid a finger into his mate's body.

"You'd better not if you're putting it where I think you are," Daniel said, coming back over to help the other couple. "Giles, are you going to need help?" he asked.

"No, I think I can manage. I've shaved that area recently." He moved to a shadowed alcove with more of a bench and laid on his back with his legs up in the air so he could get his hole area himself.

Xander shrugged and used the bar of soap with one hand while he teased his husband with the other. Eventually, it got to be too much for him and he slid into the damp hole as far as he could, slowly pushing himself in as he worked on his husband's body.

Danny and Blair shook their heads but they were smiling as they finished each other off.

Sethryn looked over the men, frowning at Xander's navel area. "You missed a spot."

"I tried it twice," Oz said, offering the bar of white soap. He watched as the small hair was worked over and stubbornly stayed. "I think it's a lot like its owner."

"Did you ever tell Richard we were going out of town?" Xander asked. He wiggled away. "Tickles," he complained.

Sethryn sighed and went to get a pair of clippers, nipping that hair off as close to the skin as he could. "That should do it. Let's go back to the bedroom and we'll finish preparing." He watched them leave, shaking his head as they paired up again. "I need to speak to my sponsor," he said, going to do that while they dried off. He ran into the bedroom, smiling at them. "There's good news. The Lady Samantha has appeared early." He smiled at Jack. "And your sponsor has clarified how we're supposed to be ranking you." He bowed to Xander. "This is your family, with Oz as your first husband and the other two under your protection." He looked at Jack. "You will be listed as being under Lady Samantha's protection." He smiled at Oz. "But she will be wanting this bedroom."

Oz shrugged. "We can always switch rooms." He looked down at his naked body. "Now what?"

"Now, we start on the perfuming." He clapped his hands and a smallish woman walked in with a tray. "She will work on which scent for each of you, and which oil for Jack." He looked at Xander's hair then shook his head. "Come, pick your room now, and we'll find someone to put it up for you."

"I usually braid it," Xander said as he followed him out of the room. "Are the other rooms all small?"

"No, there's a bedroom for the favorite that I think you'll enjoy," he said, heading to the very end of the hallway. He opened a door, letting Xander walk in first.

"This is amazing," Xander said, looking over the round room. There was a large bed, a few windows that overlooked the market down the street, and their trunks were stacked in here. "Did you plan it this way?"

"No, but your sponsor suggested you go in here as the Lady Samantha won't be currying favors anytime soon," Sethryn said, looking a little smug. "I'll have your things moved down here while you're gone. Your sponsor has also said she's quite happy with your plan to continue to work with jewelry. She said that, if people like it, you may become more than interesting and it will add money to your household budget. This is why you're the head of the house instead of your mate." He coughed lightly. "Do I have your permission to take your second husband aside and talk to him?"

Xander nodded. "Yup, sure do." He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the older man. "We've been fighting recently. This is better than it was. We're in the same state." Sethryn shook his head. "Um, same house?"

"No, I understood the reference."

"Oh, speaking of reference, can I get lessons in the local language? Probably for myself, Blair, and Daniel? And maybe for Oz and Giles?"

"Of course. We were waiting on word from your human researchers to see if our language techniques would work for you. We load the information into your brain and then make you learn it by working with it."

"Will it work?" Oz said from the doorway. "Great room."

"Very great room," Xander said with grin. "It's for a favorite."

"Which you definitely are," Oz said, coming over to give him a kiss. "It's time for our perfuming."

"I'll just go get someone to do his hair," Sethryn said, sliding out of the room so they could go back to the master suite.

Oz stole another kiss and led Xander back down to the bigger room so they could finish getting dressed.

***

Xander moved around the room, his Oz next to him the whole time, talking with the woman who had come to pick them up. "So, Sethryn said you were going to explain to us about some differences sexually?" he asked.

"Yes, there are some differences, and a few I fear that your friend Jack will not like." She smiled at the woman they walked past, giving her a nod. "You see, our people need sex to live, physically need it. If we don't get it, then we start to have heart problems."

"Wow, that's really a need," Xander said, giving her a smile. "Do you do it publicly? Are there special places where it's not allowed?"

"Have prostitutes become especially high in society?" Daniel asked as he walked toward them.

"Yes, they have," she said, giving him a pat to the cheek. "You are quite a studier of humans, Daniel." She walked with them some more. "Yes, they do have a special standing in our society. They're fully trained and very highly thought of for those that aren't mated or are looking forward to something different." She nodded at another woman as they passed her by. "I know this will discomfit someone in your group."

"Or two," Xander added. "Giles isn't really into outward shows of affection that way. We'll talk with them both tonight though."

"Thank you." She smiled over at him. "I've heard that you have a few things that you could teach our local providers?"

Oz snorted. "More than likely. At least how to dance," he said, patting Xander on the rear.

"It's nice not to have to watch what we do in public," Daniel sighed. "Jack," he said as they moved to where he was standing. "Come walk with me and Blair. Giles, you too," he said as he walked away, heading toward an uncrowded area of the room.

Oz looked at their sponsor. "I still need to ask, are there special eating customs?" She looked confused and shook her head. "On our planet, there's a group of people, and their faith, that says that you don't eat with your left hand because that's used for more...personal issues." She got the 'suddenly got it' look. "We're worried about offending your hosts."

"No, there's nothing like that. Though, we do tend to hold our food with our right hand. You'll be sitting near me, just watch what I do." She smiled at Blair as he walked over. "Yes, bright one?"

Blair smiled at that. "Thank you, gracious sponsor, but I did want to know if it was expected of us to be that way also."

"No," she said with a chuckle. "I've let it be known that your people are more circumspect in their personal associations. It won't be expected of you at all."

"But if we do, we won't get into trouble?" Xander asked, smiling at his mate.

"In certain places and with certain mannerisms observed," she corrected. "I'll have Sethryn instruct you." She kissed Xander on the cheek. "Do learn before you try it out. I really don't need the scandal yet. Definitely, do enjoy yourselves once you know though." She led them to their seats, letting Oz and Xander curl up on her left, Blair and Daniel together on her right, Giles next to Blair and Daniel, and Jack next to Xander and Oz. "Do it this way," she said quietly, showing them how to grab some of the loose meat with the flat bread. "Don't fill up, there's two more courses."

"We've been at dinners with fifteen courses," Oz told her. "It's not an issue."

She smiled at them. "Well, you're certainly interesting. You'll definitely liven things up." She smiled at Oz. "Would you feel comfortable in allowing Xander to give a private showing of his dancing?"

"If Xander feels comfy doing it," Oz said with a shrug. "I doubt we'll have a riot this time."

"I'm out of practice," Xander told her. "I'd need a few weeks to get back into it again."

"That would be fine. But I do have good news. There's a jewelry maker in town that's agreed to let you use his facilities when you need to."

"Cool," Xander said, giving her a grin. "Has anyone said anything about my pieces?"

"A few people have shown interest." She reached over to touch the armband he wore. "May I see this?"

He took it off and handed it to her. "It's made of a metal that we found when we were realm hopping. We're still looking for a local equivalent."

"Realm?" she asked, smiling at Sam as she was led over. "Samantha, how good of you to come early."

"My father just wanted to complain to me, again," she said with a smile as she sat with Daniel and Blair. She watched how they were eating and picked some of the meat up for herself. "This is good."

"Can you explain realms to me?"

"Sure." She smiled at Xander, then turned her attention back to the woman who was sponsoring them. "On our planet there've been a few portals, which lead to different places. Other places that don't exist on our planet, or possibly in our universe, that are accessed by portals of some sort. Those two have gone through a few of them and have learned from their time over there."

She nodded. "Thank you." She looked down at the armband again. "This is very nice work. Can you do more delicate work?" She showed her own bracelet off.

Xander took off his anklet and handed it over. "That's the most delicate I can do," he said as he snuggled back into Oz's arms. "I did a necklace for him too."

"And a pendant," Oz said, showing it off. "It was a birthday present."

She hummed in appreciation. "I'll take this to show our jewelry maker. Maybe he'll be able to get you a showing or something." She put it into her pocket and went back to her dinner, watching as Xander washed off his fingers again. "It was just your ankle."

"Some people are staring," Oz told her, nodding at the other side of the room. "He doesn't want to offend."

She looked over at them. "Oz, they'll be offended just because you're males who are high ranking enough to get into here. They're very much set into the social hierarchy. To their mind-set, you should all be sitting at home waiting on us, even though you're ambassadors." She raised her glass to them then took a sip. "Unfortunately, they're also related to our local Queen, and distantly related to the Empress." She smiled at them again. "Don't worry about it too much. I'm sure you have people like that on your planet."

"But we don't hang with them," Xander told her, giving her a grin back. "We're not quite up to the standards of the country club set so they tend to pretend that we don't really exist."

She snorted. "I have no doubt that they're a universal constant."

"Probably," Sam agreed, taking her filled plate from the waiter. "Thank you," she said, giving him a smile. Their sponsor leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Sorry, no offense meant," she said, modifying her smile.

"Body language," Blair said, batting himself on the head. "We need to find out about that too, before we go into the market place."

"Yes, it would be good if you didn't proposition everyone you met," their sponsor said with great humor. "I'll instruct Sethryn to help you with that tomorrow." She looked over at Xander. "Does your new room suit you?"

"It's great," Xander said once he had swallowed. "Very pretty with great views."

"We're waiting on the morning smell of the flowers," Oz told her. He looked over at Giles. "Did you pick a room or are you staying with us?"

"I've decided to pick my own until we can finish working out our problems."

"I didn't know you were fighting," she said, looking down at him. "I had no desire to make things uncomfortable for you."

"It's not. We'd have to work it out sometime," Oz said philosophically. "Our marriage was sanctified by the Gods Xander serve."

"You're religious?" she asked.

"I'm more of a friend and constant pain for them," Xander said, still grinning. "I pray to them, but I actually do more as an anchor. I exist so they can stay around."

"Ah. I've heard of such issues. A few of our older, less populated, religions have people who fill that function."

"That would fit in this case also," Oz agreed. He frowned as someone walked in carrying his sword. "They went into our house," he said, nodding at the man.

"Oh, dear." She got up and walked over to get into this fight. She came back a few minutes later. "Why did you bring weapons?"

"Because I have to have one with me," Xander told her. "Oz is also my protector." He stood up. "Though I'm quite skilled in my own right. I've been kidnaped too many times to go around without a weapon. We had them wrapped up in our belongings and weren't going to openly carry anything."

She sighed and pulled him with her to the Queen's seat. "Highness," she said, nodding at the woman hearing the argument. "Let him argue his own side."

Xander bowed to her but didn't break eye contact. "Unfortunately, this is a misunderstanding. I did not bring them to be of harm," he said smoothly, taking the sword with a glare at the man holding it. "You don't hold a weapon that way." He looked at her again. "I have been kidnaped many times and am unable to go anywhere now without a weapon. Both my mate, our friend Daniel, and I are all trained to use these. I was not going to allow any of us to openly carry any weapon while we were up here, but I am always careful of my personal protection." He pulled out one of his hair pins and showed off the small shiv. "As you can see, this isn't an insult to you or your people."

"Wouldn't your own people protect you?"

"Yes, ma'am, but those people would be slower to respond than I and my mates; and because I didn't fight, there would be more reprisals from the people whose job it is to protect me. That's why I had to learn to protect myself." He put back his hair pin, fussing with a few strands of hair until it was almost perfect again. "It was not meant as an insult, though how he found them when they were wrapped tightly in the bottom of our things I'm not sure."

The Queen looked Xander over. "This weapon is unfamiliar to us. Would you show us its uses?" He nodded. "Tonight?"

"If someone could go get my sword for me," he agreed. "This is actually my mate's sword." He frowned over at Oz, who came running. "Yours."

"Thank you." He checked over the blade. "No nicks." He looked at the Queen. "Did I read your lips right? You wish us to show you how to use them?" She nodded. "They're basically very big knives but we'd be honored. Xander needs his blade, but we could do it whenever you say."

"I'd need to take off this robe," Xander noted, tugging at the tightness around his arms.

"We wear them that way so fights are less likely to break out," their sponsor explained. "You've been taken?"

"Yup," Xander sighed, nodding. "Quite a few times. Apparently something in my hormones makes people want me." He shrugged and grinned faintly. "It's relatively a usual experience anymore."

The Queen smiled at him. "I would like to see this demonstration. Is this how your military fights?"

"No, ma'am, they use projectile weapons and machines to hurt each other's foot soldiers."

"I see." She looked at their sponsor. "Please arrange for them to give a demonstration tonight. Even if it is a barbarian fighting style it would be interesting."

"Yes, m'lady," she said, bowing her head. She led them back to their seats. "Xander, where's your weapon?"

"In the bottom of the same trunk," he said quietly. "It's a katana. A one handed sword with a slightly curved blade."

"Thank you." She walked off, heading to talk to the castle's protocol manager.

Oz put his sword under his seat. "Daniel, check your blade when you get back," he said quietly. "Jack, be prepared to explain how the military fights. All I could think of was projectile weapons and machines to hurt foot soldiers."

"Okay," Jack said, swallowing fast. "Why did you bring those?"

"We *never* travel without at least one weapon," Xander told him. "Even if it wasn't a matter of my hormones, it's very bad and very unsafe for us."

"Us?" Daniel asked.

"He still reads as one of us," Oz reminded him. "He's been challenged."

"Ray even took a quickening," Xander added. Blair choked. "Sorry."

"That's okay. Why? Was he forced?"

"The guy was taking normal people's heads for fun and training," Xander explained. "He got Ray's former partner. Ray avenged him."

A large man with thick red hair walked over to them, nodding at them. "I am one of the Queen's bodyguards," he said quietly. "I wish to see your demonstration also. I have a feeling that we fight in similar styles."

"If we do, or even if we don't, we wouldn't mind you coming and sparring with us occasionally," Xander told him. "We can always use the practice." He smiled at Daniel. "He's our student in this art."

"I see." He looked Daniel over. "Most of the men of my people are bigger and stronger."

"A lot of our men are too," Oz said, "but those of us who are smaller and faster need to be able to use their advantages also."

The warrior laughed. "Quite true. Be warned. The Queen may ask me to fight one of you for show also."

"As long as it's to a stand still or a concede," Xander agreed. "I haven't fought in a few months, but I'd gladly try my hand at you."

"Good," the warrior said, smiling at him. "Your blade comes." He walked away, going over to the Queen to say something to her.

She stood up as the man carrying Xander's blade walked in. "Our new ambassadors take part in an ancient fighting style of their world, which happens to be the Forenth's style also. They have agreed to give us a show. They have even agreed to fight my personal guard if they're not too tired at the end."

Xander stood up and bowed to her. "Whichever way your highness wishes," he agreed. He sat down and checked over his blade, putting it beside him so he could finish eating.

"You're too calm," Daniel complained.

"It's a spar," Xander reminded him. "And if it's more, then I've been in more fights recently than Oz has. Even one in a club recently."

"Was that before or after the riot?" Jack asked, trying to make it sound like a light joke.

"Before. Someone got me calmed down and out onto the dance floor, that's what caused the riot." He finished off the food on his and Oz's tray and stood up to stretch. "Now?" he suggested.

"If you'd prefer, we could wait," their sponsor noted.

"Whenever's fine, though I would like a few minutes to stretch."

She nodded and led him to where the demonstration was to be held. She turned on the lights, showing him the wooden floor and the mirrors along both side walls. "In here," she told him. "Expect the people to be watching on the cameras," she pointed them out.

He nodded. "All right. I'm going to stretch so whenever you're ready." He waited until she was gone to open his robe and take it off, leaving it and his jewelry in a pile beside the door. Then he took the opportunity to properly stretch. Oz joined him a few minutes later. "You?"

"No, him." He sat down beside his husband, giving him a hug. "Be careful. You don't know his motive."

"Easy, he'll want to save face if I beat him," Xander reminded him. "He's probably here because he's very good at what he does. He's probably got a much bigger and heavier blade." He stretched out in front of him. "Being quick and lithe is my answer to being big and strong." He looked over at his husband. "Remember, my arms teacher was easily his size. I started out fighting guys his size instead of the more normal guys we've been getting into it with. This'll just take me back there." He hopped up as the door opened again and his opponent walked in. "Sorry to interrupt your dinner," he said with all formality. "May my mate stay?"

"Of course," the man said with humor, or at least he was laughing lightly. "I will try not to hurt you too much."

"I heal," Xander said with a one sided shrug. "I don't want to fight to the death, but to a draw would be good."

"My men don't give up," the other man told him. "It would be unmanly."

Xander smirked. "I've heard that before, but that guy was wearing heavy plate armor." He shrugged and stretched up one last time. "Whenever you're ready." He accepted his sword and turned in time to avoid the silent thrust. "You don't talk while you fight?" he asked as he danced around the guy and hit him in the arm and the side. "First blood."

The warrior looked at him. "Do all your men fight like you?"

Xander shook his head. "It's a very unique fighting style. Let's move into the center of the floor so my litheness will be shown to its best." He walked away, heading into the middle of the wooden floor. He bowed to his opponent and waved him on. "Come on." The warrior shrugged and lunged, and Xander turned aside at the blade, locking his with the other man's. He brought them up and forced his opponent back. Then he stepped in to follow his advantage.

Daniel watched the deadly ballet, marveling at Xander's moves. "I didn't know he could do that," he told Blair.

"Can you?" Jack asked.

"No, I'm still learning most of the basics from Oz and Methos. I can beat someone of about my own skill and know how to use my brains to trap them and run away, but I'm *nowhere* near these guys' levels." He took another bite and choked as Xander's stomach was cut into. Of course, Xander laughed it off and moved under the blade, coming up under the other man's guard and stabbing him in the stomach with his hair shiv. Or at least that's what it looked like on the cameras. "Whoa," he whispered.

The Queen clapped and the men broke apart, her warrior panting and rubbing the small cut on his stomach. "Enough." She smiled at them. "Clean up and present yourselves." She waved a hand and the monitors were shut off. "A most interesting style." She looked over at Daniel. "Do you do that also?"

"No, ma'am," Daniel said as he stood up. "I'm their student at this time, but that is Xander's own personal style of fighting. Oz's is much less fancy and dance-like."

"Dance-like," she said, then nodded. "Yes, I would describe it as such."

Blair coughed and stood up. "Xander learned that in another place, but at the same time there were dances taught to him, mostly to train his body in how to move. He has agreed to show those off too, once he's back in shape for it."

She laughed. "I'd like to see that. If his fighting was that stimulating, I'd like to see this dancing. No wonder he's been taken." She smiled at them and they sat down together. "We will eat," she announced, and the discussion started.

***

Xander let Oz bandage the small cut, giving him a few kisses each time he moved closer. "I'm out of practice," he said finally.

"I noticed," Oz grunted. He looked up at his husband. "Can you not volunteer to do that again?"

"Sure. Wasn't planning on doing it actually," he said with a grin. "He was good."

"Yes, he was, and he was pulling his blows," Oz said, still not happy. "He could have killed you a few times in there. Especially with this cut."

"Oz, I was at the end of his reach; this one wouldn't have been deeper. But you're right, there were a few times in there that he pulled his stroke. I'd like to train with him sometime after I'm used to training again."

"Fine," Oz sighed. "Danny and I need to train too. You'll work with us?"

"Sure." Xander stopped his mate from moving and gave him a real kiss. "Love you."

"Love you too," Oz said, giving him a hug. "I'm glad you're all right."

"Surely he's not that badly injured," the warrior said from the doorway.

"Not at all," Oz said, turning around to let him see. "I'm babying his injuries."

"Once I start training full time again, would you like to come train with us?" Xander asked.

The warrior nodded. "I would. I've never met anyone who danced while they fought." He smiled at Oz. "Do you fight like that?"

"No, I tend to be more of a slippery fighter, always moving to the side." He handed Xander his robe. "Where's your pin?"

"I saw one of the kittens in here," Xander said as he put it on. "Maybe they have it."

"No, that was one of our native species," the warrior said, leaning against the door frame. "They're highly intelligent and very telepathic. They may have been drawn to the stones though; they seem to like them. And your ferrets."

"Great. It's a good thing we brought the brood," Oz said as he straightened Xander's hair for him. "Come on, you don't smell that bad." He led the way out to the normal chamber, the warrior walking beside them. "Thank you for not trying to kill him."

"Someone did approach me," he admitted, "but I ignored them. At least until I tell my boss tonight. She'll want to know." He stopped and looked off to the side, then pushed them ahead. "Go."

Xander and Oz walked on together, Xander's sword in Oz's hand. They made it into the dining area together and headed over to the Queen. "He told us to come on while he investigated something," Oz told her quietly. Then he stepped back into Xander's arms. "I hope he entertained you."

"Very much," she said, waving one of her guards to go find the other guard. "You're very entertaining. Is this dancing much of the same?"

"No," Oz said, starting to blush. "It's much more sexual in nature."

"You don't enjoy such shows?" she asked.

"Our people are much more...discrete about our passions," Xander explained. "Though, some of us do enjoy breaking those norms. It's mostly due to a religion that took charge of most of the world a few centuries back, our time. They believed that it should only be done in certain circumstances, between certain people, and not with people of the same sex. We're just now starting to move past that."

"Good," she said firmly. "I like it that your people are still advancing socially. Maybe you'll end up onto our level someday soon."

"We can only hope so," Oz told her. "If we had peace and true equality for all, then our lives would be much nicer. As it is, we're working on becoming more humane and better in our treatment of others."

"Thank you. I'll be discussing that with your studiers of people soon. We'll need that information when we start formal diplomatic engagements."

Xander coughed lightly. "Ma'am, if I may say so, I believe a piece of my jewelry may be with one of your animals. If you find it, and they're ready to give it up, may we please have it back?"

She smiled. "I'll check with the kittens tonight, but they can be quite headstrong."

Xander turned as someone came running. "He's not all right, is he?" The guard shook her head, glaring at him. "He looked down a side hallway and shoved us to continue walking."

The guard looked at the Queen. "There's no obvious injury but he was found unconscious." She glared at the visitors again.

"I'm sure you have cameras in that hallway," Oz suggested. "But he did look down a hallway and make us go on. Though he did say someone had tried to get him to do a little more than fight us."

The Queen frowned. "I heard rumors about that." She stood up. "I'll go see him myself. Please, go back to your food. We know you didn't hurt him. If you had wanted to, your mate would have killed him with his hair decoration when he had the chance." The guard looked startled but followed her charge out of the room.

Xander and Oz walked back to their seats. "The guy who sparred with us got jumped on the way back," Oz told them all. "Giles, didn't you bring a sword?"

"No, I didn't think it would be necessary. None of us are up here."

Oz glared at him. "You *never* travel without some sort of weapon, no matter if you're going to a place that's holy ground and you're going to be the first person there in five centuries! You should know that by now. Connor should have beaten that into your head."

"He did try," Giles sighed. "I'll make sure to use one of the spares you probably brought so we can spar and train."

"I didn't bring a spare," Oz told him. "Danny?"

"I did," Daniel admitted. "Blair's been training with me." Oz looked at them. "I needed someone to spar with and no one on base even used to fence. It was the only way I was getting any practice in."

"That's fine, it's a healthy exercise," Xander said calmly. "Blair, if you'd like, I'll try to teach you what I do."

"Nah," Blair said with a grin. "I don't think I'm that good. I'm more like one of those wooden dummies that Danny can spar against, only I move on occasion and complain about my hands cramping."

Oz smiled at that. "Good. We'll work on that too." He patted Daniel on the arm. "We'll work on it. We've got three years our time to safely do some intense training. We'll get you up to my level at least." Daniel nodded.

The Queen walked back in and a woman was dragged away. "It was unfortunate that her retainer jumped my guard," she said as she walked back to her seat. "At least they didn't get the new ambassadors; that would have been much worse." The level of discussion went up and the next course was served.

***

Oz and Xander curled up together on their bed, snuggling in the early morning. They'd just gotten home and were tired but not yet ready for bed. "You did good," Oz said quietly, stroking over the healed spot on Xander's stomach.

"Thanks," Xander said, stretching lazily. "He was good."

"Very good. Apparently his people are about at the level of Conan." He moved up the hairless chest. "I'm kinda liking this new unhairy version of you," he admitted. "It's a little on the kinky-feeling side."

"It is," Xander agreed, rubbing one of his feet up Oz's calf. "You feel really soft too. Almost makes me feel like I'm cheating." He looked down at his cock, which wasn't cooperating. "I think it wants a nap too."

"Must be something in the air," Oz said with a yawn. "Let's nap." He continued to stroke lightly over the hairless skin. "Can't?" he said a few minutes later.

"No, I'm hyped up." Someone knocked on the door. "Come," he called.

Blair walked in and smiled at them. "We asked why we all can't sleep, seems that they've got a chemical in their atmosphere that mimics the effects of caffeine and chocolate on our systems. They didn't warn us because they weren't sure it was going to affect us. We're supposed to feel giddy, lightheaded, lethargic, and/or shaky, depending on our individual bodies."

"Explains the lethargy and shakes I've got," Xander noted, looking down. Oz was finally starting to drift off. "So, we'll adjust?"

"Within a few days. Sam said it shouldn't be too long." He waved and walked out, but left the door open as a group of animals were coming that way. "Guests coming."

Xander looked over the edge of the bed as a few of the cats, one of the dogs, and most of the ferrets came in to sleep with them. "Hey, guys, can't sleep either?" he asked, making room for them. He was purred to sleep by Oz's kitten, who decided to nap on his chest with her tail in Oz's face.

***

Oz looked at the fabric stalls, then up at his guardian. "Are any of these weavers?" he asked. She pointed at one booth so he went there. He smiled at the woman running the booth. "Hello. May I ask if you weave these?"

She looked him over. "I know who you are."

"I do weave, though I tend not to do such fine cloth. I was looking to meeting some weavers, maybe learning from them."

She looked him over again, checked his hands, then nodded. "All right. My second husband is a weaver. He'll be here tomorrow."

"I'll be back then," Oz agreed. "Morning or afternoon?"

"Afternoon," she said with a smile. "He's not used to the time change here either."

Oz smiled at that. "I've had three sleep periods since we got here yesterday, your time."

She nodded. "It shows." She picked up a piece of lavender fabric and held it out to him. "What do you think?"

Oz felt it and checked the weave by holding it up to the light. "One of the best I've seen in a few days," he agreed, handing it back. "My mate won't wear that color. He will wear the silver or any of the darker colors," he said, touching a dark blood red piece of cloth. "How much for that one?"

She picked it up and measured it. "Three of the silver coins," she pronounced. She smiled at him. "Usually I would haggle but I know you don't know the worth of our articles yet."

Oz smiled in relief. "I was about to haggle, but I didn't want to insult you." He handed over three of the coins and took the fabric. "Thank you." He walked away, his guardian following along. "Was that a good price?" he asked her.

"A little high. She's not the best fabric merchant, but she's the most honest and she is the only one who has a weaver directly in her family." She pointed down a side aisle. "You were looking for Xander; he should be down there somewhere."

"In a few," Oz said. "I'd like to continue to look at things. Do we need anything at the house? No one has said anything to me about getting anything."

"Only for your personal pleasure. Your larder is kept stocked for you by the supplies every citizen is entitled to freely. Treats are at the end of the market," she said, pointing down their present aisle. "If you wanted to spoil him, you could find some amazing food items down there."

Oz smiled at that. "Good, let's work our way that way. Xander loves treats." He looked down one side aisle but she pulled him away. "Can't go down there?"

"You shouldn't. There are many strange things down there, including rumors that say that people come out of there different, less easy with themselves."

"Then we'll probably find Giles down there," he said lightly. "He lives for the strange."

"He shouldn't go down there either. It's not good for anyone. There are things down there from places where the portal has gone by accident." Oz looked up at her. "Trust me, there's many things down there that are not of any people we understand or accept as real."

"Are they funny colored, with horns?" Oz asked. She stopped and looked at him. "All three of us deal with that stuff; Giles just does it for a living. Maybe I'll drag Xander down there later."

"We could go," she sighed, "but you have to promise me to ask before you buy anything."

"Deal," Oz said, heading for that alleyway. He sneezed as he walked through an incense cloud, but continued on. He did find Giles, who was reading through a magic book. "No," he said quietly. "You promised to give it up while we were here."

Giles frowned at him. "I was looking forward to learning a new style."

"Do it and I'll sic Xander on you later." He continued to walk on, stopping when he saw a few skins. "Go get Giles," he said quietly, shoving her back. He walked up to the vendor, pointing at a skin. "How old is that one?" he asked.

The vendor looked him over, then looked at the skin. "Do you know what that is?" he asked. "It's very corrosive, not at all for a soft one like you."

Giles walked up behind him and frowned. "How on Earth did they manage to preserve one of those?" The vendor went a little pale. He looked at the vendor. "Do you still have any live ones?"

The vendor squeaked and ran into the back of his shop. Their guardians followed him. There was screaming so Giles and Oz followed him. Oz stopped one of the demons from jumping on the women's backs. "No, they're trying to save you," he told the demon in the only language he knew, one Xander had made sure he knew just in case he needed it.

"When did you learn that?" Giles asked.

"Xander taught me. We really need him." He got the demons calmed down, all but one who was shrieking and banging against her cage. "Giles, go get Xander!"

"All right." He walked away, heading to the jewelry district.

Oz looked at the vendor, then at the women guarding them. "Isn't this illegal?"

"It is," his bodyguard agreed, frowning at the shrieking one. "Can't you shut her up?"

"She's insane by now," Oz told her. "They fly, have wings and everything usually." She shuddered and pushed a button on her belt. "Getting cops?"

"What are cops?" the second bodyguard asked.

"Officials who arrest people who break laws," Xander said as he walked in. She nodded, looking like she understood. He walked over to the cage and waved his fingers in a peculiar pattern, sucking air through his teeth at the same time. She slowed down and watched his hands, eventually starting to weave with him. "She might be fine if we can get her back to her people." He looked around and went to an area that the vendor had closed tightly. He looked inside and turned very green, closing it up. "Dead body," he noted. He nodded at the guardians. "I know how to get them home," he told them. "I have friends who can do this if you can get me to a portal."

The women guards looked at the officials, who nodded. "Fine," the official said, nodding at the demons. "What do we do with them until then?"

"They're living; they should go home," Oz told her. "The sooner we get them back, the less of a problem they'll be for you." The guards all looked at him. "On our planet, they're often hunted because they're feared. We even worked with someone who hunted the evil of their kinds. We have to get them home."

"Her especially," Xander said, pointing at the cage. "Her wings have been savagely pulled off." He pointed back at the curtain. "There's a body back there."

One of the guards walked back and looked at it, turning green too. "Very well, we'll lead you to a private portal, and we'll bring them along." She looked around, then grabbed a cart. "Can you help us load them up and cover them? They would cause a panic here also."

"Sure," Xander and Oz said together.

Giles walked in holding his new book. "Where are you taking them?"

"To the Demonic Police Plane," Xander told him. "I'll tell them they got lost in a portal and ended up in a marketplace. The owner of the stall that captured them has been dealt with by his own people. Help me lift her," he said, trying to lift the cage. "Gently or she'll wake up again." When that was done, he walked out with his guard. "Can you tell them that I'll send them home, without saying anything of where they've been, if they'll let any more go?" he asked her quietly. She walked over to a stallkeeper across from this one and told him that, and he nodded, going to spread the word.

Xander walked back in to get the cart. He did the hypnotic thing again to stop the renewed shrieking, and carried the cart into the aisle, leaving it there for a few minutes. He checked his necklaces, coming up with one for the Police Plane. When he turned back, the cart was fuller. And there was a second one added to the end of theirs. With some help, Xander and Oz got the carts moving and followed the officials to the private portal in the marketplace. He touched the necklace to the open portal, watching as it changed. He nodded at Giles and Oz to start unloading them while he walked over and talked to the sergeant. "I was in a marketplace," he said quietly. "I found them there. The people who had them have been arrested but a few of them are in pretty bad shape. Please don't make a scene?"

The demon cop looked at the demons being led through. "Not a problem. I'll get you some help."

"One needs some medical attention that I know of. She used to have wings, and she's frantic in her cage. I didn't feel it safe to remove her yet." He walked away, going to help get the demons across. A few of the demon cops came down and lifted the carts up so they could be carried through without unloading them. "Thank you," he said, bowing to the sergeant. "Please, help them. Call on my brother if you need him," he said, handing over a contact bead for Micah. The sergeant looked impressed. "I'm third in line for his house and what they've done sickens me." He stepped back and the portal closed. He turned and almost everyone was gone. "Oz," he said, putting his hand through his husband's arm. "Let's go check out the jewelry stall where I'll be working." He frowned at the book in Giles' hand. "If you use that, I'll take your head myself," he said calmly, heading away.

Giles looked down at his book, then frowned at his husband's back. He was very deep into the demonic community it seemed. That was going to have to stop.

***

Oz flopped back onto his bed, narrowly missing a kitten. "Hey, girl," he said, reaching back to pet her. "We did a good thing today. Even if it did piss off Giles." He pulled her over to pet, letting her go when she started to struggle. "I'm *so* tired though. And I didn't even get to get Xander treats."

"With the way time runs you'll be able to get him some later," Blair said from the doorway. "How was the market?"

"We found some demons that had been taken and held against their will. Xander got them back to the demonic police. We did some shopping. He proved his worth to the jewelry artist that said he could use his forge." He shrugged. "Kinda normal for a first time in a huge market. I'll explore it later." He yawned. "Sorry."

"That's okay. Jack still has his watch set on home time, and it said it's been twenty hours our time since we last slept. We were working on how to do this."

"Shifts?" Oz suggested, curling up on the foot of the bed.

"Maybe." Blair came in and covered him. "I'll send Xander up if I see him." He walked out, heading down to his room, where Daniel was asleep too, beside Jack actually. He shrugged and walked downstairs, finding Xander napping in his writing room. "Xander," he said from the doorway. "Go up to bed. Oz is waiting on you." Xander nodded and stumbled out, heading up to his room. Blair walked in and sat down on the couch, trying it out for comfort. He didn't last much longer than sitting down.

Sethryn came in and covered him a few minutes later, smiling down at the young man. He snuck away, going to make a report to his boss.

***

Xander held up his first piece of completed jewelry to the crowd gathered outside the stall and there was a cheer. He handed it off to his gracious host, letting him look it over. He saw the smile and bowed to the crowd, picking up some water to drink. He watched as the piece became the center of a bidding war and went back to make something else. Maybe an armband this time. They seemed to appreciate those. His starting work quieted the crowd, and the winner of the first piece danced away to go show it off. Xander continued to heat the second piece of metal, moving his maker's mark out of the way. He got it to the right temperature and brought it out, starting to pound it into a more pleasing shape, thinning out the metal.

"Make it thinner this time," the jeweler told him. "We appreciate little, delicate things."

Xander nodded. "Okay. Half as thick?"

"That would be good." He sat down and watched as Xander worked on this piece, noticing how steady he was. "You've done this before?"

"Yup. While I was across a realmal boundary, which was basically a portal taking me and Oz somewhere else, I learned how to make jewelry and knives. I was going to start working on the larger stuff, but we had to pick up and leave because of an invasion." He frowned at the metal, which had just gone uneven, putting it back into the heat. "I made a lot of little jewelry then, and I've kept up with the skills when I went home." He took the metal out and evened it out, starting the process of shaping it into an armband, or a bracelet if you had really thick wrists. When it was shaped, he picked up a small chisel and started to decorate it. "Do your people like carvings or decorations added to the finished shape?"

"It's individual. Some prefer decorations tacked on, some prefer the more subtle decoration carvings. Some prefer theirs to not have anything, but those are mostly for the richest families. They prefer theirs to be nearly skin thin."

"I noticed," Xander said as he worked on the carvings. "There's no animals that are taboo? Like serpents?"

"No, but they would be very hard to place outside of a particular religion." He looked over at the one Xander was working on. "I know someone who would love that one. Their God is a serpent headed God, one of nature."

"Cool." He tossed that one into the water, then bent to retrieve it. "How's that?"

The jeweler looked it over and nodded. "Good thickness. Even carvings. Only one spot where the pattern is off." He pointed it out and Xander corrected it as well as he could. "Even better," the jeweler said, nodding. "Put your mark on it."

Xander heated his maker's marks and applied them to the inside of the cuff. "Now what?" he asked.

"Make something delicate," the jeweler suggested, looking at the crowd. "A ring?"

"With a stone?"

"I have a few," he admitted, pulling out a drawer, watching as Xander picked through them and finally picked one. "A very interesting choice."

"It's a pretty color," Xander said with a shrug as he started to heat a small piece of metal. "I liked the looks. Is it very expensive?"

"Not at all," the jeweler said, looking it over. "Are you going to play up to the inclusion flaw?"

"Yeah, I think so." Xander pulled out the small piece of metal and picked up his smallest hammer, pounding it out. It was a good thing that he had brought his own tools. He wasn't sure what the person he was working with used, but he couldn't see a single hammer or mallet. Maybe he rolled it. "Do you roll your jewelry?" he asked as he tapped lightly.

"No, I have a small number of tools like yours," he said, opening a cabinet. "I hadn't had to make anything yet this morning." He pushed the door closed and looked over Xander's shoulder at the small ring. "Can you make it larger?"

"I'm working on shaping right now," Xander said, twisting part of the band. Slowly, he worked it longer and shaped it into a twist. Finally he connected the ends. Then he took a piece of the remaining metal to reheat and make a setting. The ring went into a vice and the setting was applied. The stone was set just so, being turned a few times to the best advantage, then it was all heated together just long enough to make sure of all the seals and the stone stayed in place. It was cooled and looked over, getting a nod from both of them. Xander held it out on his hand, letting the crowd, mostly women, look it over. They all giggled so he handed it to the jeweler and sat down to drink some more water.

One woman shyly looked down at it and then over at him. She smiled and put down a large bronze-colored coin, buying the ring. The jeweler smiled and boxed it up for her. "That one's going to be very happy," he said as he sat down. "You just made her promissory ring."

"That was a common stone for that?" Xander asked. He showed off his ring. "This is the stone we prefer for that," he said, pointing at the diamond. "It's the hardest gem we have."

"Does it mean love?"

"No, it means you're rich if you can afford a stone this size," Xander said with a grin. "It also says something about permanence or eternity, I'm not sure which. Did that purple one mean love?"

"No, it's a sign of nature, of fate."

"So the fact that I put it into a ring meant that she could give it to her intended mate and proclaim they were meant to be together?" The jeweler nodded. "Cool. Did the twisting I did mean anything?"

"That I could charge twice as much."

Xander laughed at that. "Good. Maybe I should get back to work."

"Please, you're good for my business. I've never had so many browsers before." He went back to the front and said something, then Xander went back to the forge area and started working. The women all sighed, mostly in unison.

When Oz came by an hour later, there were even more women around. He smirked and held out a treat to his husband, and was rewarded with it being sucked out of his fingers, and them being laved by a warm tongue. "If you like, I can go buy you more," he said in his most sultry voice.

"I *loved*," Xander whispered. "Nearly as good as chocolate during sex."

"Then you'll love this one," Oz said, holding out another treat. This was nibbled from his fingers too. And it got a smile and Xander nearly swooning. "Good?"

"Great," Xander said, sharing the taste through a kiss. "See?"

"I'm going to go buy a pound of that," Oz said, licking his lips. "See you later. Make them pretty, but remember, you come home to me." He walked off, going back to the treat stall. That last one was something he *really* wanted more of.

Xander smiled at the woman. "My husband," he announced. "He weaves."

A few of the women looked at each other, then at Oz's butt. They looked at each other and then at Xander, then upped the bidding on his next piece, sight unseen.

The jeweler smiled and waved Xander back to his forge. "Please, go work. You just fired their imagination."

Xander grinned and went back to work, working harder so he could go home and be spoiled. "Man, it's been years since I pulled a full day at a forge."

"You won't last a full day," the jeweler reminded him. "Not with how your time runs. At least not until you get used to it." He took the small chain and examined the links that were already done. "This one has a fault," he said, pointing it out. He watched as Xander fixed it and added more links. "Good job," he announced, smiling when he saw the small pendant coming out too. "Together?"

"Or not, your choice." Xander shrugged and went back to working on delicate little things, something he'd been missing. Americans weren't looking for delicate. They were looking for chunky jewelry, but he loved showing off his skills. One more ring and he'd go home for the day. He started to heat the metal for the last ring and noticed there were some drippings pooled together, pulling it out to quickly work it into a broach. Then he pulled out the ring and started on it, making it a pretty decorated band with flowers. He handed over the finished product and bowed to the crowd. "Such lovely ladies inspired me," he announced, then grabbed another glass of water before leaving and heading home. He met up with Oz at the end of the alleyway, and they went home together to share the treats.

***

Giles opened the door to find a man there who obviously did something with heat and metal, he was sweaty and had burns on his clothes. "Yes?" he asked.

"Is Xander here? I need to discuss him coming to work for me more often."

Giles nodded him inside and went to get his husbands. He found Xander in his room, writing. "Your friend is here," he said, then walked away.

Xander walked out to the sitting room, sitting across from the jeweler he worked with. "Hey, problems with something I made?"

"A small one with the pin, but it was easily fixed." He smiled and handed over a small bag. "Your share of the profits. I'd like to discuss you coming to work with me again."

"I'd like to do that at least once a week," Xander admitted, opening the bag to look down inside. "Wow. How much is this?"

"Quite a lot. That last ring made someone very happy. The Queen's youngest daughter liked it so much she outbid the other women in a generous show of support. That alone gives me a status worthy of some of the better jewelry makers. Would you be willing to come in and work at the stall once a week for forty percent of the profits you bring in?"

Xander nodded. "Let me get Oz, he handles the money." He couldn't quite manage to get out of the chair, so he settled for yelling. "Oz!"

Oz came jogging up the stairs and stopped to look down at his husband. "You bellowed?"

"I couldn't get up," Xander admitted with a grin. "He wants me to work in his shop for forty percent of the profits."

"Good job," Oz said, stroking Xander's hair. "He accepts. Should we draw up papers saying so?"

The jeweler shrugged. "I would leave that up to you."

"I think it's fine," Oz said, helping Xander up. "We trust you."

The jeweler laughed. "Then you're learning." He forced himself to get up. "Thank you. You've done quite a lot for my business today alone." He bowed and left.

Xander showed off his bag of money. "This was for today. One of the Queen's girls liked my last ring so much she outbid the other girls generously."

"Wow." Oz kissed him on the cheek. "I'm working with a weaver. Have fun." He walked away, heading back to his work.

Xander went back to his writing, smiling the whole time. Maybe he'd write some porn to thrill his mate tonight. He might even share it with the other couple.

***

Sam let her guest into the house and showed him into the less formal sitting area. "How is it going?" she asked the General.

"Fine," he said with a smile. "The diplomats are very happy with us at the moment. Things are actually going very well." He looked around. "How are the men handling it?"

"Except for Jack, it's going well," she said with a smile. "He's still uncomfortable with nearly everything." She looked around. "I think he's sulking out in the garden if you wanted to talk to him."

"No, that's all right. I'm sure you can cheer him up." He smiled. "How is Xander holding up."

She laughed. "Sir, they *love* him. The first night was a little iffy, they found his sword. So he sparred with one of the Queen's guards and beat him." The General shook his head. "Since then, he's spent a day each week working at a small jewelry stall in the market place, and his earnings are keeping us all in sinful treats." She handed over a tray. "Sir, try the caramel looking things. They're sinful, fat free, and have nearly no sugar. We *need* these."

He picked one up and nibbled it, groaning at the taste. He wiped the drool from his mouth. "I agree, we need to trade for these." He finished it off. "How have you been, besides pigging out on these?"

She snickered. "Sir, I've been busy. I've been helping Blair and Daniel sort out their notes and inputting them into the computer. I've also been editing for Xander, who's got some very interesting stories finished, along with some of the stories from these peoples." That got a smile. "If he wants to go back to being a writer, he's got a few that I'd buy multiple copies of, just to have something stored away for my children." She picked up a treat and nibbled on it. "Oh, and they've got a chemical in their water that eats germs, bacteria, and dirt. You don't have to use soap unless you really want to have shiny hair. The water bubbles when you step into it."

"Is it drinkable?" he asked.

"Definitely. It's got some funny side effects the first few days, things like your whole system cleans itself out, but, otherwise, it's great. Think about all the little kids with food poisoning that could be helped with just that simple thing."

"I'll tell the diplomats to add that to the list," the General said, smiling at her. "How is Doctor Jackson's training going?"

"He trains every day. He's gotten quite good. Even Blair is helping with that. He's gotten lessons from both Oz and Xander, who's teaching him how to be sneakier. Giles has started training again, and they're starting to get along again. They're finally starting to talk on a daily basis. Oh, and Xander's giving a show tonight of his dancing. He says he's finally ready. He's had Oz help him make a new outfit."

"I'd like to see that." The General looked down the hall at the sound of giggling. "Sounds like someone's back."

"That would be Blair and Danny, sir. They don't have to hide it here."

"I see. Your hosts are fine with that?"

"Sir, they need sex to live. They actually need it to keep their hearts from being eaten by harmful chemicals in their blood. Prostitution is an accepted employment choice, sir; and it's very highly thought of. They do have certain body language and verbal cues to let you know that someone wants you, but it's perfectly acceptable to have sex in public around here. Xander has tested that particular social norm a few times and delighted a few of the local people each time. Oh, and he's made something for me." She pulled out her necklace and showed it off. "He made that for me last week, as a birthday present."

The General gave her a paternal smile. "I'm glad that the boys are looking after you, Sam." He stood up. "I'd better go talk to Jack. You say he's in the garden?"

Sam called out something in a foreign language, bringing a maid. The maid led the General out into the garden. She sat back and nibbled on her new favorite treat. They really needed this at home. Everyone would be able to eat it.

***

The General looked down at Jack, who was sitting on the ground, staring at a pond. "Fishing mentally?" he asked as he sat down.

"Sulking, sir," he said, not looking at his boss. "I'm bored, sir." He looked up. "It's like everyone else has a reason for being here...except me." He picked up a leaf and tossed it into the pond, watching as the fish came up to eat it. "I'm here basically to escort Carter."

"No, son, you're here to be an objective source of information," General Hammond said gently. "Jack, we need to talk." That got his attention and his Colonel turned around to look at him. "Son, I'm going to be retiring almost as soon as you come back." Jack's mouth started to open so he held up a hand. "I know, but you're the only person I trust to take over my job. I need someone I can trust to get all my teams home again, no matter how bad the odds are. I'm naming you my successor. If you want to, you can fight it, but I wish you wouldn't."

Jack swallowed his protest and nodded. "Yes, sir. I'd be honored, but...you know I'm going to screw it up."

General Hammond smiled. "I know, son, but I'm leaving you competent helpers. They fix it for me when I screw things up." He stood up. "What's this treat Doctor Carter is eating? It seems addictive."

Jack smiled. "It's a treat, sir, she deserves some. She's been being a secretary for Danny, Blair, and Xander, who's been writing some porn when he's really happy and handing it to Danny and Blair." General Hammond smiled at that. "No, sir, really. I've listened to more *happy* sounds recently than I heard at Woodstock 99."

That made the General laugh heartily as he walked back inside.

Jack smiled himself. Maybe this wasn't so bad of a vacation assignment.

***

Xander gathered everyone together in the dining room, letting them look over his outfit and watch him practice one last time. By the time he was done, even Jack was hard, and Sam had to excuse herself to take care of some things. "It's a new one," he said as he finished, wiping the sweat off. "Good enough?"

"Wonderful," Oz panted, getting up to give him a kiss.

Danny leaned over to kiss Blair, knocking them onto the floor.

Xander smiled at his husband, then over at Giles, who was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "Figuring out what you missed?" he asked. He led Oz from the room, going to bathe and make sure his clothes were fine before he left. Oz was going to be there too, just for safety sake.

Xander came out of his last spin and felt himself being grabbed so he didn't hesitate to send the person flying over his shoulder. "Sorry," he panted, smiling at the Queen, who was looking stunned, and had her hand down her skirt. "Should I do another one?" he asked with his impish grin. He pushed some of his hair over his shoulder. The top part was braided down to his neck, then left loose so it was sticking to his shoulders.

"Please, do another one, maybe even more erotic," she suggested with a smile.

Xander moved into the first form, sighing as the music flowed in his head. This one never really came out right. But he would try. After the first screw up, he switched into a different dance, one of the original ones.

Needless to say, the Queen was pleased. Everyone in the room was pleased. And very happy for the rest of the night.

Even Oz. Or especially Oz maybe. Xander wasn't quite sure which the next morning. He was very tired from all the dancing.

***

Xander looked up from his position on the couch, smiling at Giles as he walked in. "It went great," he noted, eating another piece of Treat, which was what they were calling this new candy they all adored. "I caught the Queen masturbating, so I'm sure she was very happy later." He held up the dish of candy. "Want some?"

"No, I wanted something else," Giles said, kneeling beside the couch. "Xander, I want to heal this rift between us."

"Giles, you not only cheated on us with a friend, you went out and hired prostitutes to cheat on me. You broke my trust in the worst way. What do you have to say that'll make me forgive you?"

Giles pulled out a knife and laid it on his palm, then slowly sliced into it. "Xander, on my blood I swear that I will never cheat on you again. My blood is my oath, and I will die if I break this oath to you." He handed over the blade. "With this knife, you may kill me if you think I have broken my word to you again."

Xander watched as the cut healed, then shrugged. "Will you really die?"

"I'll get very sick," Giles told him. "I may die, but of course I'd come back. I've been working on the binding spell for the last week or so."

"Cool." Xander sat up and then forced himself to stand up. "I'll give you my answer tonight." Giles nodded and got out of his way so he headed up to his room and the altar. He really wished he could have some sort of advice, but of course Cupid couldn't come to him here. But thinking in front of the altar often made him calmer and more focused. He blew out the candles and relit them, sending a prayer to Strife and a deeper prayer to Cupid. It was odd, he could almost feel soft wings around his shoulder and strong arms around his chest, but...that couldn't be. Strife and Cupid hadn't shown up the whole time they'd been there. He sighed and leaned back, running into warm flesh. "Hey, Oz."

"Hey, Xander," Cupid whispered. Xander looked up in shock. "What?"

"You haven't come before when I needed you."

"You didn't need me, you needed Ares when you were almost taken last time," he said with a grimace. "Zeus is still pissed that you smarted off to him when you became the anchor, by the way." He gave his favorite mortal a squeeze. "What's up?"

"Giles just made a blood oath, said he bound himself with a spell, so he'd never cheat on me again."

"Uh-huh. He asked my opinion and I told him to make it foolproof."

"So I should take him back?"

"Xander, babe, he completes you in some way that Oz doesn't. Besides the fact that he's a first rate editor for your stuff. I liked the last porn story by the way. Very tasty indeed," he said with a wolfish smile. "Giles makes you want to study and learn the way Oz makes you want to explore the world." He looked over his shoulder as Oz walked in. "Hey. Just here to give advice."

"I'm not jealous," Oz said with a shrug as he laid on the bed. "I know Xander won't cheat on me with you." He smiled at his mate. "Why did Giles bleed?"

"He made a blood oath and bound himself from cheating on us."

"Oh." Oz nodded. "Good. Do we forgive him?"

Xander looked up at Cupid, who smiled. "I guess so," he said finally.

"Good boy," Cupid said, giving him a kiss. "Great work. I like it when my chosen couples work it out." He disappeared, leaving Xander with warm fuzzy feelings and a feather.

"Maybe you should go use that on Giles," Oz suggested mildly. "He's worried."

"I know." Xander forced himself to get up. "Oz, do you feel lethargic?"

"Yup. I think Treat is mildly addictive." He shrugged. "We'll come down when we get home."

"Good point." Xander left the bedroom, heading down to Giles' room. When he didn't find him there, he headed down to the garden. He found Giles sitting alone and sat beside him, handing over the feather. "I'm accepting it," he said quietly.

"But you're not ready to start where we left off?" Giles suggested.

"No, I'm not. I feel like I don't know you. Like I haven't known you since you went away for training with Connor." Giles nodded at that. "I think it's time we started to talk, and maybe date, again."

"I can do that," Giles said, giving him a smile. "Would you like to go out with me tonight? I hear the new restaurant near the Treat stall is quite good."

"Sure." Xander looked down at himself. "I need to go bathe." He got up and went inside.

Giles smiled. His plan was working perfectly. Very soon, he would have everything he wanted. He pulled his book out of the bushes and started to read again. All he had to do was finish deciphering this one passage.

GHS in Space 2: Own Personal Hell.

Oz found Giles' book beside his bed and sat down to consider it. He hadn't particularly liked Giles' new attitude, or the smarmy way he'd been looking at Xander recently. He opened the cover and frowned at the unfamiliar language inside. "I want a translation," he told himself. He took the book with him as he went up to his room. It was night time outside. He needed a cloak, and he needed one of Xander's spare summoning necklaces. He snuck out of the house by the back gate which led directly into the market, wandering casually down to the section where they'd freed some demons a few months back. He found the book stall easily enough, but checked to make sure no one was around before he pulled out the book. "I need a translation of this," he said, pushing back the hood of his cloak to show who he was. "My mate's been changing since he bought it," he said to stop the laughter.

The bookseller looked at the language the book was written in and shook his head. "I have it in no other languages. Except one rare and priceless copy that one of the creatures down the alleyway wrote for himself before he left." He spread his hands. "This is all I can do for you."

"How much for a copy in the original and the one in the demon language?"

"Thirty bronze each, non-negotiable."

Oz hissed, thinking about their finances. They had it, but it was the little they'd been able to save. Xander was planning a major trip through the market right before they left. He shook his head. "Then just one in the original language," he said, pulling out the bag with their money so he could count out the change. "Which way to the portal?"

"End of the alley and to the right, but you need permission to use it," he said quietly. "Since your mate sent back the creatures, there's been some restriction on using that one. No one wants to bring through more... troublesome creatures."

Oz nodded and took the second copy of the book, heading back to his house. He needed some help if he was going to go home. He carefully put Giles' copy of the book back in it's spot and had Sethryn call their sponsor. She liked them enough to help them with this. He paced along the entryway while he waited, trying to figure out how to get this book to someone who might be able to translate it and give him an answer. When she finally came, he pulled her into the sitting room. "I need to get home for a while," he said quietly. "Giles has gotten himself involved in something that I don't like, it's changing him somehow."

She nodded. "I've heard of the book he's been studying. You wish to send that home?"

"I wish to have it independently translated by someone else who uses magic," he explained. "I have two people I can trust with that, but I've got to go home. I've tried to get a messenger here from home, and it can't get here apparently." She nodded. "But the portal is restricted."

"Ah, but the official portal isn't," she told him. "As an ambassador, you're allowed to use it." She led him out to her cart, getting in to fly them there on the floating-air platform. She dropped them next to the official portal and got down to talk to the guards, then she led Oz up to the portal. "Do you have the code for the other side?"

Oz nodded and touched the special bracelet they all wore in case they needed to run home, sending the 'it's okay, I'm me' signal before walking through. He stepped down into chaos, shaking his head at the guards. "Just me. I need to get something to someone to translate for me." He nodded at the Colonel that was in charge, whom he knew was an asshole. "Giles has been reading this and his behavior's changed," he reported as he walked down the ramp, heading to the hallway. "Take me to Danny's office and I'll explain it," he told the Colonel when he was stopped.

As they walked, Oz explained what was going on. Even though the Colonel doubted magic - you could tell by the look on his face - he didn't stop Oz from summoning Micah and a messenger; apparently he'd seen one before. "Micah," Oz sighed when he showed up, giving him a hug. "First, did the demons get home all right?"

"Yes, and I would like to beat my brother about the head for getting me involved. It helped my standing, but it was rather a mess there for *months*."

"The people who had them were killing them for their skins. He didn't think you'd mind." He handed the book to the messenger. "I need this taken to the dark haired one that lives with us, Methos." The messenger nodded and accepted the note he wrote out quickly. "He may ask you to take it on to another one of us. If he does, please do so. It's important. Our mate's behavior has changed because he's been reading it."

"Hold it," Micah said, taking the book to flip through. "I can't read this."

"I'm hoping Methos or Richard can," Oz sighed. He handed over a new necklace, one Xander had had created for them. "This goes to where we are, by way of the same portal that the demons were taken through. If it comes down to it, please make sure someone comes for Giles. I know he's going to do something bad."

"His own personal descent into hell," Micah said sadly. "Do you know what started it?"

"I think he's been developing a Godhood complex since that fight when he took on the person who killed Connor."

Micah nodded. "I understand." He pulled a bag out of his pocket and handed it over. "It was reported that the messengers couldn't get there so I'm trusting you to get this to my brother." He disappeared, the messenger following him.

Oz looked at the Colonel and found General Hammond behind him. "Giles has managed to screw himself," he said quietly, hopping up to sit on the work table. "He's gotten hold of a book that's been warping his mind. I sent it to a person I trust to translate it by way of our friend, Meth." The General nodded. "I mean," he said running his hands through his hair, "he's *changed*. Really changed. He's smarmy now. It's like he's someone totally different...and I don't know what to do about it."

The General patted him on the shoulder. "You'll do what you have to. Do you want to send him back?"

"I might have to, depending on what the book says. I have *no* idea how to handle this one, General, and he's scaring me."

"I understand. Is Xander all right?"

"They're at dinner right now," Oz admitted. "That's the only reason I could do this." He took a breath and then hopped down. "I'd better get back before it's noticed that I'm missing." He let the General lead him back to the gateroom. "I'm sorry if I messed up your nightly order."

"It's daytime here, son, and it's not a problem. We live for the minor emergencies instead of the major ones." He smiled as Oz walked away, heading back to the other planet. He turned to find his Colonel behind him. "Ignore that. And if a dark haired man with a British accent shows up, I want to know ASAP. He's to be let in and shown to my office only." He headed back to said office to finish his paperwork for the day.

***

Methos looked up as Ray swore, still half asleep. "What?" he mumbled.

"Messenger demon," Ray said, taking the note. "Where's Richard? It's from Oz. Giles is in trouble."

Methos sat up at that and took the note to read for himself, then nodded behind him. "Three doors that way and two floors down," he said, handing the note back. The messenger disappeared and Micah appeared instead. "Is he really in trouble."

"I can feel the evil coming off the book," Micah said with a shrug. "I saw Oz. Xander's apparently having the time of his life," he held up the summoning necklace, "and we have a way there if we need it. Call on me," he said, tossing over a different necklace. Then he disappeared.

Ray snuggled up against Methos' back. "Do you think Giles took a dark quickening that first time?" he asked quietly. His mate shook his head. "He has changed personalities since then."

"No, I think this is more insidious," Methos said quietly, looking at his husband. "I think he's got a God complex. A few of us do manage that... even the most levelheaded among us. Especially when what little powers you had before become magnified by your quickening energy." He put the necklace aside and laid them both down, cuddling his touchstone to sanity. "Ray, I'm worried about him. We don't have a competent way of dealing with people like him."

"If he gave up magic?" Ray suggested.

"It might help, but I'm not sure Richard is strong enough to stop him that way." He squeezed the frail-looking shoulders. "We'll deal. But we need an immortal psychiatrist. We had one but that bloody arsehole MacLeod killed him during his own dark quickening episode. We haven't had one since."

"I heard rumors that one was brought across," Ray said gently. "She's not someone I'd send anyone to though."

"Who?"

"That Doctor Laura chick." He grinned. "From what I hear, her teacher took her head the first time she smarted off and lectured him."

Methos snorted. "Good. I'd likely do the same, though I might be more cruel about it considering all she's done to the American people."

"Maybe you should take up being a shrink," Ray said, poking Methos on the nipple.

"Stop that," Methos growled, moving the hand and holding it. "I don't want to become a therapist; I don't like people that much." He looked over to see the grin. "Though I would know a great deal about trauma and what humans can be put through." He let go of the hand and pulled his love's face over to give the mouth a kiss. "You could do that though."

"Nope., I'm not the one you want givin' people lessons in humanity." He snuggled his head down. "We do need one who'll understand though. Maybe we should find a pre- immie in college and force them into psychology classes?"

"Maybe," Methos agreed, settling in to go back to sleep. There was nothing they could do yet. Not until they were called on.

***

Richard sat up as the messenger appeared, giving it a surprised look. "My, I haven't seen one of you in centuries," he said as he took the note and the book. "Do stay for a moment." He flipped open the note and read it, frowning at the book afterwards. He looked inside at the text and groaned. "Can you please take a note to my house? I need some things I foolishly left down there, I had no idea my little vacation was going to turn into a desperate fight against the paranormal." He quickly wrote out a note, with his address on the front, and sent it with the messenger demon. "What has he done now?" he asked as he sat down to try and decipher this strange language. After the first word was figured out, he felt a chill start and got up to set up a containment area for the book. He didn't need that sort of thing, but he wouldn't allow an accident. Methos would kill him if he damaged any part of the resort.

"Need somethin'?" Strife asked as he appeared with his favorite playtoy, Ethan Rayne. "He's gonna help. I don't like it when Xander's in trouble," he said with a scowl.

"Of course, Lord Strife," Richard said easily. "I could use the help of a Chaos sorcerer, and a better system to keep the book from damaging either of us."

Ethan touched the cover of the book and glared at Richard. "Who had this?"

"Your buddy, Giles," Strife told him with a cruel grin. "He's puttin' my favorite boy in trouble and I want it stopped."

"I want it stopped now that I've felt it," Ethan told him haughtily. He looked Richard over. "You're not new to this, are you? I *abhor* working with new people."

Richard laughed. "I'm older than written language, boy, and I've been doing this almost as long. I've forgotten more about Chaos than you've ever known." He looked at the God. "I really do need something to make sure it doesn't infect us also. It's an insidious creeping that crawls over you as you read."

"Done," Strife said, waving a hand over them. "I'll go talk to Auntie and we'll get this fixed." He disappeared.

Ethan jumped as the demonic messenger reappeared with the two boxes and the large duffle bag Richard always had packed and in his closet. "Thank you," Richard told him, taking it. He pressed a coin into his hand and watched as he left.

"What was that?" Ethan asked.

"A messenger demon. Oz sent it with the book." He took out his working supplies, laying them around the room so they could get started. "You could help," he suggested when Ethan just stood there staring at the book.

"Yes, of course," Ethan said, grabbing some candles to lay out in the pattern.

***

Oz walked back through the portal with a sigh. "I've gotten it to them," he said, hugging his sponsor. "He'll be fixed soon enough." She didn't look pleased though so he pulled back. "Did I just make some big social boo-boo?"

She shook her head, leading him back to her platform. "There's been a problem at the restaurant they were in," she said quietly. "Apparently Giles did something that Xander thought was inappropriate, and Xander tried to walk out. Giles stopped him and did something to him, making him follow him out of the restaurant."

"Oh, crap," Oz sighed. He checked the portal, but it was still open. "I need to send a desperate plea. Can you get more of us up here?"

"The Queen's guards have started after them," she noted. "Did you know he was like this?"

"He never was before," Oz sighed, scratching through his hair again. "He's changed, especially since he got that book. I need to hide the original."

"As soon as I heard, I told Blair that you had left with a book and he went to hide it for you," she soothed, getting him started back toward their house. "What is so special about you three?"

"I'm immortal," he said quietly. She laughed. "No, really. Giles, Danny, and I are all immortal. We can only really, truly die if you cut off our heads. Every other type of death we heal from."

"Which is why you were picked," she said blandly.

He nodded. "It was felt that we'd be able to protect ourselves if something happened. Danny, Blair, and Jack are the military's top team for first contact, but Xander and I were chosen because of what we are and what we've done." He laid a hand on her arm. "You've got to understand. One of the times we traveled across realm boundaries, Xander ended up a courtesan, a political mover and helper in a royal Court. He wouldn't have come without me, but he is one of the best people to make contact with a new species. Either they'll kidnap him or they'll accept his presents."

"Which is the secondary reason you were chosen?" she asked.

"No, the combination of both made us the only choice," he corrected. "The General counts on Xander to make him presents for new cultures, and has come to appreciate the way he sees things. This time, everything that we are counted somewhat against us. If the General could have found a way to just send Xander, I think he would have." He smiled at her. "He thinks I hold Xander too tightly."

She patted him on the head. "You do...but it's a good thing. With that man's natural charm, he'd be able to take over some small countries."

"Exactly why he was chosen," Oz told her.

She nodded. "I see. It is a good plan. And Daniel, do his friends know?"

"They do. He died during a mission and came back. That's how he came across, that's what we call it, and that's also how his teammates found out, just on a different mission."

"I see." She landed beside the house. "At least you haven't lied."

"No, not at all," Oz agreed. "We just left out the fact that we're damn hard to kill." He led the way into the house, stopping in Blair's room to check on the book. "Micah and Richard have it," he told Daniel, who nodded. "You don't let that book out of your sight. If Giles shows up, you kill him impermanently, and you start yelling for me. Got it?" He got a nod so went up to his room to get his gear. "Damn, he didn't carry it," he yelled when he found Xander's sword.

"Your mate wouldn't try to hurt him, would he?" she asked as she walked into their bedroom.

"Yes, he would. Xander's the queen of stubbornness," Oz said, sitting on the bed. "If Giles has started on a God complex, then he won't take no for an answer. Xander will end up fighting." He looked up at her. "He does have a secret weapon, but he's got to be in the greatest danger to use it." He shuddered. "Giles is so gonna pay for this one," he said, pulling his knees up to rest his chin on.

"This is where you bring the pain home," Jack said as he walked in. He sat down beside Oz, clapping him on the back. "We'll get Xander back from him, no matter how insane he's suddenly gotten."

"I gave Micah and Richard a way up here to help us if we need it," Oz said, looking at their sponsor.

"I'll see to it that they get to you if they come up," she agreed. "Oz, I'm sure your mate is fine. Xander's a very strong man."

"Yeah, but Giles is the only one who might be able to hurt him." He shuddered. "That damn book."

"Maybe damned book is more correct," Daniel said from the doorway. "There was just a report on the news. They've caught wind of the abduction. The newscaster joked about you going after him and giving another splendid show of fighting."

"I should," Oz agreed. "It's my responsibility. Giles is my student."

"Giles is *Methos'* student," Daniel corrected. Oz looked at him. "He said so."

"Did they say if they've made it off planet?" she asked.

"No, not at all," Daniel told her. "Is that possible?"

"If he's managed to...enchant Xander that way, he might have gone after an independent pilot also. If he does, then the Queen will be furious but nearly helpless to stop him him." She saw the worried looks. "I'll go talk to her. You stay here until you're called for." She looked down at Oz. "I won't pass that information along," she told him. He nodded, looking a little relieved.

"You told her?" Daniel asked.

Oz nodded. "I felt it was necessary. We needed someone on our side who knew." He shuddered again. "I'm not sure which one I should worry about."

"Worry about Xander," Daniel suggested. "If Giles could make him stop a classic 'storming out' fit, then there's no telling what he can do to his mind." He sat on Oz's other side, pulling him into a hug. "Listen, Xander is the queen of stubborn. You've said that many times. Even if Giles believes he's God, he won't be able to break him easily, even with whatever magic he's got. Xander's got a safety cushion. We just have to make the most of the safety cushion. Who did you give the book to?"

"Richard, via Micah and Methos." Oz shook himself. "He's mine, we need to keep this in the family."

"We are a family," Daniel reminded him. "The whole group is a family."

"A very strange family," Jack added.

"True," Daniel said, frowning at his best friend. "Not helping though."

"Sorry." Jack stood up and walked over to stand next to where Blair was leaning. "It'll be okay. I've seen Xander out-stubborn a few people."

"But none of them had magic," Blair said quietly. "That's the real wildcard here. If Giles can use more of his magic than he already has, then it starts to reshape the playing field. Giles has said that this planet doesn't have a lot of ambient magic to draw from so he's weakened here. If he can find somewhere that magic is native and a wild force, then he's able to do a lot more."

"So being on or off the planet is the biggest factor?"

"Probably," Blair agreed. He looked over at Jack. "Do you ever wish you had a normal life? Back when things were simpler?"

"Yeah, but back then I was a bastard," Jack said, giving him a fond smile.

"Jack, you're still a bastard, you're just a nicer one," Daniel told him. He looked at his lover. "It's a kidnapping. It should feel normal for you. You've been there before. Any words of wisdom?"

Blair shook his head and walked out. "I'm going to go into the market and see if there's anything besides rumors. Need anything?"

"A few things," Oz said, grabbing his cloak. "I can't sit here." He made sure he had his sword under it and followed his friend out into the bustle of the crowd. He made Blair head down to the food section, going to get them a small drink of the most powerful wine in the world. This stuff made hundred year old moonshine seem like a minor kick in the pants. He ordered a single shot, but got Blair something lighter, and tipped it back immediately. Then they went shopping for rumors and for treats for when Xander came back.

***

Oz looked over as someone came running towards them, his hand on the hilt of his sword. The guardswoman stopped and stared down at him. "We have your husband in sight," she said, barely breathing hard. "He is off planet, but he's still safe."

Oz relaxed and moved his hand away. "How far away?"

"A few hours. There's a guard within striking distance of him. One of the Space Marines is coming to his rescue also. They should have word of him soon."

Oz nodded. "Thank you. Should we go home and wait?"

"The Queen has offered you a spot waiting with her, sir. She would like it if you came and attended to her. She'll get the rest of your group."

Oz stood up, bringing Blair with him. "We'll follow you." She strode away and they followed, sharing little looks. When they got to the palace, they weren't searched, merely led into the private throne room. "M'lady," Oz said, bowing to her. "Thank you for the timely news and the place to wait."

She smiled at him. "I like your mate," she said bluntly. "He's great fun for a barbarian." She laughed at the look on Blair's face. "It wasn't that long ago that you were living in wooden thatch huts you know."

"I know that we're mere infants on the scale of your timeline," Blair agreed. "Has there been any more news?"

"Not yet," she sighed. She looked at Oz again. "What would you have me do with him?"

"I would escort him back to our friends, who are figuring out how to deal with him right now," Oz said honestly. "Giles has been slowly changing over the last few years, but ever since he picked up a book in the market place, he's been changing rapidly. I sent a copy of the book to my friend, who also uses magic the way Giles does, and he's working on a solution right now."

She thought about it then nodded. "I can see that. I will banish him. It will not affect the diplomatic negotiations, but there will be some who will wonder if all humans are like him."

"There are bad people in every society," Blair said quietly. "We have as many tyrants and mentally ill people as other cultures. In some cases, they're firmly held in institutions. In other cases though, they've managed to get to the level of running a country." He shrugged. "It might as well be a universal constant. People want power; that's what corrupted Giles."

She nodded. "Very well said. We have made a lot of progress with the mentally ill, but no one can really help the power hungry." She looked at Oz. "Do you still wish your friends to take care of him for you?"

"Yes, M'lady. I think that one of our friends will be able to lock Giles away from what power he has. If we can do that, then there's a better chance of him recovering. This all comes down to personal power and how he's chosen to use it. He's even cheated on us because of his magic. That's what started our fighting, which we're still trying to work out. He will be fixed...or I'll have to do something to fix it permanently."

She came down to give him a hug, hating the sad look on his face. "I will banish him and set up protocols so that none of the power hungry will get any of the new technology."

"There's people like that in every military," Blair pointed out. "But General Hammond knows who's safe to give it to."

"I've met the delightful General," she said with a smile. "A very good story teller and a very interesting dinner companion. He will be coming to work with us when he retires to take charge of just that issue."

Blair smiled. "Good. He won't do well in true retirement." He looked over his shoulder as other people walked in. "Giles is going to be banished."

"Good," Daniel said, coming over to give him a hug. "And us?"

"You're delightful too," the Queen said, giving him a smile. "You have nothing to fear."

"I'll be taking Giles back personally," Oz told them. "You will guard Xander."

"I will," Daniel swore.

"I'll go back with you," Jack told him. "That way no one on the base will be able to say anything." He looked around the room, then nodded at a screen. "Is that the chase?"

"It is," she agreed, going back to her throne and sitting down. "I sent for seats, they should be here soon," she told them. Oz moved closer so he could watch. "That silver one is a member of the Space Marine Corps. He's there because they've moved outside of our sphere of influence." Oz nodded. "If there's a problem, he'll - I think it's a male - will take care of it." She leaned back as her servants carried in the big marshmallow chairs. "Sit, wait with me," she offered.

Blair and Danny put Oz between them, holding him tightly while they watched the space battle.

Giles wasn't any match for a Marine, but he did manage to get the ship away and force it to land on the closest planet. The screen went blank as soon as the ships landed, and there was a great sigh of disappointment.

"They'll get him back," the Queen reminded them. "Space Marines are known for their tenacity."

"All Marines are known for their tenacity," Jack told her. "Even the ground pounders."

She laughed. "I'm sure. I haven't met one of your Marines yet. I look forward to seeing the...War Games I believe they're called, next month. Your General invited me; he said it was a fake invasion scenario."

"We do that to stay sharp," Jack told her. "If he doesn't want to stay and give you commentary, I'll gladly do it for you," he offered.

"I would enjoy that," she said, giving him a smile.

"How long before we know if Xander's safe?" Jack asked.

She waved a hand. "It depends on whether or not Giles has moved Xander off his ship yet. It would also depend on how well your young man fights back."

"He always fights back," Oz told her. "If he's got a chance, he'll use it."

"He doesn't have his sword," Daniel reminded him.

"He's got something better," Oz promised, patting him on the thigh. "We found out about it a few years back; he's got a soul sword."

"No way," Blair breathed. Oz nodded, looking at him. "But those are myths."

"So are we," Daniel pointed out. "What is a soul sword?"

"It's a physical manifestation of your soul as a blade that comes directly out of your hand," Blair told him quietly, not wanting to share this - even with Jack. "Legends speak of people with too much soul being able to protect themselves that way. It's supposed to be stronger than any metal ever forged, but only if you haven't given up. Its strength is the strength of your soul, especially the extra part."

"And when we bonded, Xander got part of mine and Giles'." Oz looked at the screen again. "I hope Giles doesn't remember our discussion about that. There was so much going on during that time that he might not remember it."

"Let's hope he won't," Daniel soothed, hugging Oz. "Have you sent out a 'help' message to his friends?"

"No, I hadn't even thought about it," Oz said quietly. He laid his head on Daniel's shoulder and thought about Strife and Cupid. They'd want to know. He sent them a short prayer for Xander to fight this time, and a hope that Cupid would help Richard if no one else was. He felt a wave of relief float over him and relaxed farther, allowing himself to start dozing lightly.

Blair looked over at Oz, then at the Queen. "I think his prayer was answered," he told Daniel. He nodded at the screen as it started to broadcast again. "Is that the planet?"

"It is," the Queen said. "It's a dry, arid place that's not really suitable for colonization right off. We're saving planets like that until we're running out of room or if a group specifically asks for someplace like that." She looked down at Oz. "He was obviously tired."

"He prayed to the Gods Xander prays to and it knocked him out," Daniel explained.

"Do his Gods show up?" she asked. At the confused look she smiled. "We have a few that do show up from time to time, and a few that are only memorialized in their works. Of course, we have one that's a practical joker too," she said with a one sided shrug. "She likes to show up in the market, but what else can you expect from a three year old Goddess of Trouble."

"They show up," Jack told her, nodding. "I've seen one of them."

"They do?" Daniel asked.

"You've seen them both but you tend to forget about it on purpose," Jack told him, leaning over to pat him on the back of the head. "Don't worry. They don't like to bother you, but Strife does like Ethan."

Blair snickered. "He would. Chaos sorcerer."

"Good point," Jack said with a matching smile. He nodded at the camera. "Is that the Marine?"

"It is not," she said, frowning. "I have no idea who that is. All our Marines wear a light gray color with their insignia on their arms." She shrugged. "That planet may have a population, we've never explored it that closely." She jumped up when she saw Xander fighting against Giles, a sword in his hand. "I thought you said he didn't bring it."

"He didn't," Blair told her, looking over at his lover for a decision to tell her or not. Daniel nodded. "There's a legend among some of our earlier cultures about blades formed from part of your soul. It can only come out during your greatest and most desperate fights. Xander's shown that he had one before, and he must feel that it's a kill-or-be-killed situation to have it manifest now."

She nodded as she sat back down. "There's many strange tales among your earlier people."

"There are," Blair agreed. "To them, anything could be magical or a gift from the Gods. There's many legends that are only that, the fiction someone's mind has made up to explain phenomenon. There's talk of magical beasts, enchanted forests, even races of beings that are greater than humans. None of it has ever been proven though," he said with a sad smile.

"And those creatures that your Xander rescued from the market?"

"Sentient beings from another plane," Daniel told her. "He's connected to that area of life by a oath of adoption when he was younger. He returned them to some officials among their species and they got them home for him."

"I see. Do your people work with them?"

"To be truthful," Jack said, "most of us don't believe they exist, and when we're forced to admit it by evidence, we tend to be cruel to them because religion has taught us that they're evil."

"That's one of those things that we're working on getting past, but it's probably a long way down the list. As Jack said, most people don't believe demons really exist outside of some intellectual manifestation of evil, that's what the Catholics taught us they were."

She nodded. "I would like to hear more of this topic."

"Ask Xander," the three awake men said together.

"He's related to one by adoption," Blair said again. "He knows a lot more than we do."

She smiled. "Another excellent reason to get him back." She looked at the screen and frowned when she saw Giles with his hand wrapped in Xander's hair and the younger man on his knees. "I think he's in trouble. Oh, the Marine," she said happily, pointing him out. "Oh, dear," she sighed as Giles shot something into the man. "His family will not be pleased."

"Not gonna happen," Oz groaned, arching up and squeezing his eyes shut.

On the screen, Xander looked up and rammed his fist into Giles' balls, then jumped up and kicked him under the chin. He freed his hair and then gave the older man another kick with the most disgusted look on his face. Then he tipped his head back and yelled something that they couldn't hear.

"Get him before Giles comes to," Jack suggested. "It won't be that long."

A woman on the screen ran into view and grabbed Xander, ending up on her butt. She said something to him and he shook his head, helping her up. She led him back to his ship, letting her fellow guard get Giles. The screen blanked again and the Queen looked down at them. "He's still asleep?"

"No, I think he's sending energy to Xander," Daniel said, then he shrugged. "They've got a unique bond. When they mated, before they married, they joined their souls somehow. Xander has become more like Oz since then."

"That's an understatement," Jack mumbled.

Blair glared at him. "And aren't you glad?"

"Definitely," Jack agreed, loudly this time. "Xander gets into too much trouble to not defend himself by sneaky means. The sympathy pains I feel are nothing compared to what Xander must be feeling."

Strife appeared. "Ya think?" he asked dryly. He leaned down and tapped Oz on the forehead. "You can let him go now," he said quietly. "He's on his way back. Even Methos let him go."

Oz opened his eyes and glared at the God. "My man."

"Hey, not the issue, but you can't wear yourself out like that. You've gotta deal with Giles and Xander in a few hours." Strife looked around. "Much more tasteful than Hera did with ours," he noted, nodding in appreciation at the lewd artwork. "Much nicer and more my style." He looked at the woman on the throne and gave her a grin. "Hey, toots, what's shakin'?"

"That's the regional queen," Daniel said delicately. "Queen Nethisha, this is Strife, God of Mischief. One of Xander's gods."

"Yeah, he makes a great priest to me," he said with a grin.

The Queen burst out laughing. "Yes, that would explain his life!" She got up and came down, looking him over. "Would you stay and tell me about your Gods?"

"Sure, more interestin' than home right now, and I wanna check on Xander when he gets back anyway," he agreed, leading her away.

"I think we should probably go home now," Blair suggested, rolling onto the floor so he could get up, and pulling Oz and Daniel up once he was standing. He left Jack to Daniel, working on getting Oz home.

Daniel grunted as he heaved Jack up, giving him a smile. "Are you gaining weight?" he teased.

"Probably. Too much Treat." He walked out, following the other pair. "Did they do what I think they did?"

"Yup," Daniel said, nodding. "They found a way to share energy between the four of them."

***

Giles rocked from the blow Oz sent at his chin, falling down again. "Oz!"

"You stupid fuckoff," Oz growled. "You had to hurt Xander? You *will* be fixed this time... one way or another." He pulled Giles up and helped put the chains on him. He walked over to where Xander was shivering in Blair's arms. "I'll be home soon," he promised quietly. "Will you be okay with Danny and Blair?"

Xander nodded and wrapped his arms around his mate's body. "Thank you. I felt you," he whispered. "Go and come back soon. I need comfort."

"I know. Let Blair and Danny hold you until I get back." Oz turned and grabbed Giles, leading him to the platform that would take them and Jack back home for a little bit.

Blair led Xander to another one, wanting to get him home. "Come on, Oz even bought you really nice treats to spoil you with now that you're home." Xander leaned against him as they took off. "I didn't want to ask, but did he...."

"I'm fine. He hit me a few times because I wouldn't become his new high priest and leave Strife and Cupid." He shuddered. "He's insane with the power, Blair. Totally gone. Richard and Methos are gonna have a time getting him free of this. And his magic's gotten stronger." He shuddered again and leaned harder.

"Shh, buddy, we'll be home soon enough and you'll be in Sam's bathtub since she's not back yet." They landed in front of the house a few minutes later and Blair got Xander upstairs where Daniel was running him a bath. "See, warm and good for you," he said as he helped him undress and get into the water. "Did you need held?" he asked when Xander just sat there.

"I don't know," Xander admitted. "I've never had this reaction from being taken." He looked up. "This is really bad. Even the first time wasn't like this. I wasn't sure who was going to be able to come for me."

Daniel got down and gave him a hug. "Even Strife was going to come for you," he said quietly. "The Queen found him interesting so they're conversing." That got a small smile. "Did you know that their Goddess of Trouble manifests as a three year old girl?" Xander shook his head. "She does. The Queen told us that tonight. She wants to make sure you're okay too. Then she wants to grill you about demons and that sort of thing."

"I can do that," Xander said softly. "What's Oz doing?"

"I know that he got a copy of Giles' book and got it into Richard's hands," Blair told him. "I know he, Meth, and your brother Micah all talked at one point in time. I'm assuming that they're taking him to Richard to beat the crap out of him and lock away his powers." He shrugged at Daniel's dirty look. "I was being honest. The first step to breaking a God complex is to take away the power and make them see how helpless and undeitylike they are."

"Good point," Daniel said. He stripped down to his jockey shorts and climbed in behind Xander, giving him a hug and letting his friend rest against him. "We're here for you too...at least until Oz gets back and locks you in your room to take care of you himself."

Blair stripped and climbed in on the other side, holding Xander too. "We're all here for you, even Sam would be if she were here." He checked his watch. "She should have been back a few hours ago really."

One of the maids stuck her head in and blushed. "The Lady approaches," she whispered.

"We need to be in here, she'll understand," Daniel told her. "Have her come right up here." She nodded and hurried away. "See, we'll shock Sam and everything will be fine."

Sam walked in a while later, running her fingers through her sweaty hair. She stopped when she saw the three men in her tub and glared at them. "If you guys want to do that, go downstairs."

"He was taken hostage by Giles," Blair told her. "We're the only ones here. Oz and Jack dragged Giles home by his nuts."

She shrugged. "So why my tub?"

"Because he needed the warm water and the comfort of being held," Daniel told her. "Go use the big one downstairs. We promise not to peek."

She grimaced. "Like I'd care." She grabbed her towels and headed down to the bathing room.

Xander opened his eyes. "Wow, being in a dominant female society is good for her," he said quietly.

Daniel laughed. "No, she's always like this after a long time away from home." He squeezed Xander tightly. "Don't worry about it, she'll be more normal later. Are you feeling warmer yet?"

"Yeah, I think it was the landing that got me. It was kinda rough." Xander stretched his feet out, getting comfortable. "You're sure you don't mind?"

"We're offering comfort, Xander, not sex. I see no problem in comforting friends," Daniel explained.

"Especially not after being taken by a lover," Blair added. "Just think, Oz has got to deal with a Methos in high-protective mode."

"Ray'll be worse," Xander said, playing with the lone hair that refused to be soaped off. "I wonder what's wrong with this one."

"It's just stubborn," Blair said with a grin and a pinch to Xander's arm. "It's got your personality."

Xander gave him a weak smile. "I think I'll stick to being the pampered and spoiled one for a few weeks."

"What about your forge work?" Daniel asked. "You seem to like to go pound out your frustration."

"I may do that but he doesn't have a large enough forge for me to make anything big enough to work it all out on. And I'd kill jewelry if I was doing it. It'd be a waste of metal." He slid under the water some more. "Maybe I'll sneak home for a few days and work it out at my home forge."

"Maybe," Blair agreed, snuggling into both mens' sides again. "It'll be okay, Xander. If worst comes to worst, you could always start carving stone. That's very physically demanding and probably about as frustration worthy as metal working."

Xander snorted. "Maybe. There's some beautiful statues around here. I'd hate to try and be laughed at."

"We won't laugh," Daniel promised.

"Hey, I've got some really bad pottery from art classes as an undergrad. There's no way I'd laugh after doing that for a semester."

Xander nodded and snuggled in all the harder. He was still cold. "Can we make the water warmer?"

"Of course," Blair said, turning to warm up the water.

***

Oz walked down the ramp with Giles' chains tightly in his fist. "Hey, General," he said, waving. "Is he here?"

"He's upstairs, he hasn't made it down yet," General Hammond said over the speaker. "Is Giles better?"

"Nope, he still thinks we should be bowing to him." Oz shrugged and dragged Giles with him to the meeting room, where he would meet Methos and Richard. Then they'd take Giles out together and deal with him.

Jack spun off to go make a report about this incident for his boss, and to talk to him.

Oz pushed Giles into the room, giving Richard a wan smile. "He scared Xander so much he's cold." He felt another immortal close by and looked out in the hallway but a young woman was walking past, giving him a sideways glance. "Hold him," he said, going out to catch up with her. "Hey. Oz," he said, holding out a hand. "Mate to Xander, working with Daniel Jackson."

She smiled at that name. "Are you his teacher?"

"One of, but we've been working him pretty hard. Are you new?"

"About six hundred," she admitted quietly. "Do they know?"

"Danny died on a mission," Oz said with a shrug. "The General's ignoring it."

"Good." She stood up straighter. "What's with that one?"

"God complex. He took Xander hostage and pulled him off the planet." She winced. "We're going to fix him. Just ignore the rest of us." He felt another one come up behind him and smiled at his teacher. "Especially this one," he said lightly.

"Oh, I ignore all but Daniel. He gets hurt a lot and ends up in my infirmary." She smiled at Methos. "Sally Jefferson of Riding Whip, Wyoming, currently gone off the map."

Methos shook her hand. "Adam. Teacher to this one," he said, patting Oz on the head. "Also teacher to Daniel Jackson and Xander."

"Is he one of us?" she asked.

"No, we're the ones who did the bonding ritual." Her mouth fell open. "Yeah. That's us."

She shook her head. "Much braver than I am. I'd be worried that I had misjudged what love was."

"I worried about that for months before I asked," Oz admitted. "Anyway, we've got to go deal with our other husband. Live in peace. Come looking for us in Vegas if you need a hiding spot."

Methos handed over a card. "I run Jace's resort presently. Holy ground and neutral territory." He followed Oz back to the meeting area. "There certainly are a lot of us here."

"Wouldn't you like to explore space? Be the first one out there," Oz asked.

"Yes," Methos sighed. "I would have loved to have been. Think about all we could learn."

"So far, Xander's learned how to tease a crowd by banging on metal and making them wet." Oz opened the door and found the General sitting at the head of the table. "Sorry, saw someone I thought I knew." He sat down at the other end of the table. "We want to fix him. Do you have an issue with that?"

"He did put some of our people in jeopardy," General Hammond pointed out.

"I did no such thing," Giles said in his most haughty voice. "They should worship me for what I can do."

"Which you won't ever do again," Richard promised him. "General, this really is among our kind."

"I know, but I want you to know that, if you can't punish and fix him, I want to hold him in a small cell for a few years."

"Agreeable," Methos said smoothly. "But we demand first crack at him for what he did to Xander."

General Hammond waved a hand. "Have fun. I don't like to think of that young man injured."

"He's more scared and in shock," Oz told him. "I left him in Blair and Danny's hands. They were going to put him into a bath and sit with him to keep his mind occupied." He looked at the calendar on the table. "It's been nearly a year?"

"Nearly," the General agreed with a smile. "Has the time flown?"

"We've gotten a routine," Oz told him. He stood up. "I'll come make a report after we take Giles out into the woods."

"No, Oz, we'll do it," Methos told him. "This isn't your fight this time."

"He's my husband," Oz said, his voice deathly quiet.

"He's my student so his training falls to me," Methos corrected. "We agreed that if you lost perspective he was mine." Oz's eyes narrowed. "And Xander agreed with us. You've lost perspective. You want to hurt him for what Xander's been through."

"And you don't?" Richard asked.

"Which is why you get first crack at him," Methos told him. "Then I will, and once Oz has made his report, he'll join us."

Oz shrugged. "As long as I get to hit him at least once more." He leaned back in the chair, watching as his two friends dragged out his husband. "She agreed to banish him without repercussions. Blair made a very valid point about every society having someone who is power hungry."

The General smiled. "I know, son, but it hurts when it's yours." He leaned forward. "Now, tell me, what is your take on the society?"

"I'd personally like to spend some more time up there," Oz said honestly. "They've got some fascinating stories in their history. If the rest of the Empire is as nice as these people, then we might have made the best alliance in our lives."

"Good, good," the General said, still smiling. "Do they see us as radically under them?"

"The Queen occasionally calls us barbarians, but their society is thousands of millennia old. They're a lot more advanced than us, but they do have some faults. I'm still not sure I like the idea of slavery being there."

"Slavery?" the General asked, looking concerned.

"They use it as an alternative to the death penalty," Oz told him, sitting up and resting his hands on the table. "That's what I'm not sure of. I've lived through slavery and while I can see its benefit this way, it's not something that I feel comfortable tolerating."

"Are they mistreated?"

"No, they do most of the physical maintenance of places like the parks. But they are there as an alternative to the death penalty. I'm not sure which is more humane though., which is what's bothering me about it."

The General nodded, making a note on his pad. "That is something I'd like to know more about. Their sexual codes aren't giving you problems?"

"No," he said, smiling faintly. "They need sex to live. It's as much a necessity for them as food is, and Xander has always been a very passionate man. We've had no problems with their sexual conduct. Though, Jack seems to be uncomfortable going out to eat; most restaurants have these privacy curtains you can draw if you're going to go at it at the table. There're definite protocols for sex in public. That fact has eased Jack's discomfort some, but anyone who's the least bit on the 'missionary only, only on Wednesday night' side could have problems." The General made a note of that. "Oh, and Doctor Carter has had some personality changes. She's gotten a lot more demanding and pushy in the last few months, ever since she hooked up with her counterpart at the University."

The General smiled. "The last time I saw her, she was eating candy and being lazy."

"She still does that," Oz said, his smile a little brighter this time. "We all enjoy Treat that much."

"Is that what it's called?"

"No, it's got an unpronounceable name, that's just what we've decided to call it. There is one that's more decadent, but it's also more expensive. It only grows in a few places. Xander says it's better than chocolate during sex. I agree. Even Jack took his allowance and blew it on a piece of that once, just to try it. He spent the next few hours alone in the baths."

The General laughed. "Oh, I want to try that. Anything that can make Jack O'Neill hide in a bathroom for hours is something that I want to get my boss hooked on."

"It costs a fortune," Jack said from the doorway, "but it was definitely worth it, sir." He sat down beside Oz. "Letting them have first swing of the bat?"

"They made me stay until I finish my report. Do you know it's been almost a year?" Oz asked. Jack nodded. "We need to hold a celebration."

"I think we can swing some of that," the General said, tossing over an envelope. "Steve Ellison sent that for you, for the next time you came across. If you can find a way to get it converted, you could have one hell of a party."

Oz looked inside the envelope. "Maybe," he said, thinking about the money changers in the market. "I don't think they've ever seen our money. But, if you can get it switched to something else - like a precious metal - then we'd be able to readily change it."

"Why don't we bring one of the money changers down to look at what they'd like?" Jack suggested. "We could probably get Steve up here to help us with that."

"Maybe," Oz agreed. "It wouldn't hurt to try. I know Xander needs the best treat right now."

"Is Treat addictive?" Jack asked his boss. "I know you start to crave it, or at least I have."

The General nodded. "Slightly. The same way a good brandy can become addicting in its taste. I brought home a piece to have tested. You'll be happy to know it's been added to the list of things we'd like to set up arrangements to trade for. That and one of their metals." He clapped his hands together. "I would like to talk to one of their money changers, see if something we have is worth a lot of money. It would be easier to trade with a semi-precious metal instead of goods."

"I can get one here," Oz offered. "I know right where they are in the market."

"Please." The General smiled at Jack. "Anything else interesting to report?"

"Daniel and Blair have buried themselves in work. Xander's been writing his heart out, and some of it's actually the stuff he's there to record. He's also been doing a day a week at a local jewelry stall." He glanced at Oz. "Apparently he's been bringing in a lot of business. And a few propositions."

"Heard about those," Oz admitted with a wry grin. "Lots of women are starting to value my Xander. They like men who can do more than sit around and deal with the house. It raises their social standing to have an *interesting* husband."

"Yes, sir, Oz was offered the equivalent of what was it?"

"Six hundred gold pieces, which is about sixty thousand bronze.."

"Yeah, six hundred gold for him to break his marriage with Xander so one of the wealthier women could have him as a trophy husband." He smirked. "She saw him dance."

"And her maid got knocked on her ass when she tried to grab Xander too," Oz added dryly. "I pointed out that Xander and I went through a bonding ritual that was unbreakable. She offered me more money so I let Daniel explain it to her. She pouted very nicely but accepted the issue, eventually."

General Hammond started to laugh, getting up to the point where he banged his fist on the table. It was just such a Xander thing, the sort of trouble only that young man could get himself into. Not even his favorite team of troublemakers could do something that bad. It was a good thing Xander didn't work for him; they'd always be running rescue missions.

***

Methos looked over at the man tied to the tree, shaking his head. "If Cupid hadn't said I couldn't kill you, you would have died horribly by now," he spat. He felt his lover walk up behind him but he ignored him. "How could you hurt Xander that way?"

"I didn't harm him," Giles told him, his eyes glowing slightly. "I merely wanted him to worship me."

"Whoa," Cupid said as he appeared, holding up both hands, one to each side. "Freeze. What's this about him hurting Xander? Strife just got back and said he was still shaking."

Methos glared at Giles, then turned it on Cupid. "Your worshiper," he said, pointing at Giles, "kidnaped your favorite anchor so he would worship him."

"Giles wanted Xander to worship him?" Cupid asked. Methos nodded. "Why?"

"Because I'm *powerful*," Giles hissed. "I can feel all sorts of power now, power that I couldn't even name before is at my fingertips."

"Then let's cut them off, shall we?" Methos suggested pleasantly.

"No," Cupid said, shaking his head. "We lock the powers away."

"No," Richard said, walking up to them. "We lock him away from touching them. We allow him to feel them as a punishment. He should be able to feel all that he's missing, even though he'll never be able to use it again." He looked at Giles. "The alternative is to take his head and spare Xander more emotional pain."

"I can agree with that," Ray said.

"Cutting off his head? I didn't think you were that bloodthirsty," Methos said, pulling him around him to hold.

"Nah, Richard's plan to punish him. Letting him feel the power means that it'll drive him nuts," Ray pointed out. "He'll forever know what he's missing."

"We can do that," Cupid agreed. "Just a slight twitch to the brain."

"Will it regrow?" Ray asked. "With him being what he is and all."

"It shouldn't," Cupid said with a shrug. "I can go find out."

"Please do, I would appreciate the input," Richard said, handing over the book. "This is his last tome. Oz sent it over."

"Dude, that's evil," Cupid pointed out. He was barely holding the book by his fingertips, not wanting to feel the emanations coming from the book, or have them touch his being.

"Yes, and it's infected him," Richard told him. "Lord Strife was helping us cure him of it, but we'll have to slowly leach it from his body as we heal his mind." He smiled at Ray. "I believe you found us a most admirable psychologist for that."

"He works with serial killers with the LAPD," Ray said, smiling at Giles. "You'll like him, promise. He sees guys like you every day."

Methos patted Ray's back. "You do have the most wicked mind, Ray, I appreciate that in a mate."

Ray beamed up at him. "Thanks, Methos. That's one of the nicest compliments you've ever given me."

"Can we get on with it?" Richard asked, frowning at Cupid. "I believe you're influencing them, my Lord."

Cupid grinned. "Yeah, sure I am," he said with a wink. He disappeared with the book, coming back a few minutes later. "Dad captured the book and said he'd take it to Auntie." His eyes crossed then righted. "She said 'yes, you can do that and it will stick until she's damn good and ready to let him go' and 'if he doesn't accept her authority, she'll get another magic user to help you'. Direct quotes. Oh, and she's burying the book."

"Oz still has his copy," Methos said, nodding at Giles. He watched as Cupid sent that message. "Do we bury that one also?"

"No, she's not literally burying it, she's handing it to a priest who used to use magic and decided to 'reform'," he did the finger quotes. "He'll keep the thing from getting into anyone else's hands. The second one should be buried or burned."

"We'll bury it in our backyard," Ray told him. "Not the one in Sunnydale though." He shuddered.

"No, that won't be a good thing," Cupid agreed, watching as Richard's hands started to glow. He watched as the hands attached themselves to Giles' head, one on each side, and Richard looked surprised about it. "Auntie's way pissed at him," he explained with a shrug. "You're her instrument. Sit back and enjoy the ride, dude." He turned to look at Methos. "What's up after this?"

"Then we take him to LA and put him into this psychologist's hands," Methos told him.

"And I'll be near him to oversee his training," Richard said as he pulled his hands back, waving them to get the feeling back into them. "Tell your aunt I'm very happy to be her instrument, but may I please have a little bit of warning next time? I had a binding spell ready."

Cupid snickered. "Sure, I'll pass on the message." He looked over his shoulder as someone appeared. "Hey, Jacey. What's shakin' with Pops?"

"Your father is very pissed at this one," she said, pointing at Methos.

"Me?" Methos asked. "I wasn't even on that planet."

"That's why he's pissed," Jace said as she walked over to them. "I reminded him that you weren't invited. He said something about you being sneaky enough to find your own way there," she repeated with a grin. She frowned at Giles. "Is he all right?"

"Not yet," Ray sighed. "He's got some mental fixing to go." He shook her hand. "I'm Ray."

"We did meet," she said with a smile. "While you had been shot?"

"Oh, yeah." He nodded. "I remember now. Sorry."

"It's all right. After a while, people can become very alike." She smiled at her former teacher. "Methos, Ares would like a discussion with you and Oz."

"He's still in the mountain," Richard said, pointing behind them. He swung and knocked Giles out.

"I wanted to do that," Methos pointed out.

"You'll have a few hours to get in your own blows," Richard said calmly. "You and Oz both."

Cupid held up a finger, then smiled. "Oz is nearly done. He's on his way up, being walked out. Give him twenty to get here once he's cleared security." He smiled at his step- mother. "Is Pop comin' here?"

"Not yet," Jace said, giving him a pat between the wings. "He's dealing with your Aunt. He'll be here soon."

Methos leaned against a nearby tree and waited, holding his Ray close. This last year alone had been good for them, but he was ready for the hecticness that was Xander. "Maybe we should ask if we can go," he suggested quietly.

"Yeah, maybe, but can we leave Steve with the resort?" Ray asked.

"Yes, you can," Jace said firmly. "I like him being there. The way your whole group is running my place pleases me quite a lot."

Ray nodded. "Okay."

Ares appeared in a flash of red light and looked down at Giles with a sneer. "I can prove to you that you're not a God," he warned the nearly-awake man. "And I promise you it will be a lesson that will stick with you."

"He's got counseling first," Ray said with a frown. "Took us forever to find someone we trust."

"That's fine," Ares smirked. "But I get to prove the point. Got it?"

"Hey, you're the God of War," Ray said lightly. "I'm not an idiot; I'm not arguin'."

"Good," Ares purred. He smiled as Oz walked up to them. "How is he?"

"Shaken. I left him with Danny, Blair, and Sam when she gets back." He took a running soccer kick to Giles' chest. "Never touch him again," he hissed. "You won't be walking away if you do." He looked at Ares. "Why can Strife and Cupid get up there?"

"Because Xander is directly their priest," Ares said with a shrug. "Anywhere that a priest goes they can go." He patted Oz on the head. "Why did you leave him alone?"

"Because I wasn't going to let just Jack bring him back for punishment and reeducation," Oz said dryly. "He might have gotten away, and then I'd have to hunt him down and drag him back."

Ares snorted. "That would have been fun though."

"Yup, but I couldn't leave Xander for that long. Time runs slower there, Ares, I'm only leaving him alone for a few hours their time."

"I see." Ares looked at Oz's two watches. "Which one is their's?" The higher one got pointed to. "What's the ratio?"

"One month here equaled about a week and a half there," Oz said calmly. "I think. We've lost track of time recently."

"Your bodies are adjusting," Cupid said with a grin. "Is Xander learning new things?"

"He's been allowed to study in the Prostitutes' Library. He's learned all *sorts* of stuff." He spat on the panting body. "He won't be as comfy for a while though. I'll have to go to work with him if he goes."

"Sounds decent to me," Cupid said with a shrug. "You gonna celebrate his birthday?"

"Yeah, I need to figure out when that is." He patted the envelope in his pocket. "And I've got a new project too."

"Which is killer," Ray pointed out, "but will you be able to leave Xander alone long enough?"

"Why would I have to?" Oz asked him. "I need to go see a money changer, get him back here so he and Steve can discuss which metals are valuable. Xander can come with me."

Ray nodded. "Cool." He looked at Cupid, then at Ares. "Should we beg to go see him?"

"You could if you wanted to," Ares said lightly. "I'm sure he'd appreciate it right about now."

"We'll ask when we take Oz back," Methos told his husband, giving him a squeeze. "I'd like to see Xander also. I didn't realize how long three years would really be."

"He's been missing you too," Oz assured him. "He wanted me to suck him off like Ray usually does the other day." Ray grinned at that. "Go call Steve to bring up metal samples. We're invited to stay at the base tonight." He looked at Ares. "Did you want to go see Xander too? He's seen Cupid and Strife recently."

"No, I'll see him when he gets back." Ares glared at Giles' again. Then he looked at Richard. "He will be fixed, or I will fix him," he promised, then he disappeared.

Oz looked at Cupid. "Did you know?" he asked quietly. "When you came up, did you know that Giles was going to do something that harmful?"

"No, dude, honest, I thought he'd gotten better. He even prayed to me for success getting Xander back." He held up his hands. "I swear, I had no idea, Oz. You know I wouldn't let Xander get hurt. He's my buddy."

"I just had to make sure," Oz said calmly. He looked at Methos. "Want a ride back or do you need to help Richard get him somewhere?"

"I've got him," Richard promised. "Ethan is waiting back at the motel room if I need more help." Oz nodded. "Thank you for not taking his head."

"I wouldn't want that in me," Oz said simply, heading back to his car. "Ray? Methos?"

"Coming," Ray called, waving at Cupid. "Thanks for the prezzies the other night," he said with a wink, then he ran after Oz.

Methos rolled his eyes. "Yes, that new story was quite Xander-ish."

"That's because it's his," Cupid said with a grin. "He's started writing that stuff again." He waved and left in a sparkling trail of tiny lights.

Methos followed his husband to Oz's rental jeep, getting in the front to sit with his friend. "We may not be able to stay for very long," he said quietly, "but I would like to stay for a bit."

"Hey, you're good for Xander," Oz said as he shifted the car into reverse and pulled down the trail. "He'll talk to you when he won't me." He put it into forward and pulled out onto the dirt road heading back to the base. "Besides, we've both missed you two." He heard Ray saying something and looked back. "What's up?"

"Just talking to Steve," Ray said, pointing at his earpiece. "Yeah. No, we're workin' on a currency conversion if I got it right." Oz nodded. "Oz said yeah. Definitely. When can we expect you?" He smiled. "Sure. I'll even tell Jack you said you'd be back then. Later." He hung up and leaned forward. "He'll be up in ten hours, it'll take that long to get the comprehensive sample back together - he was cleaning it and lost a piece."

"Good," Oz said, nodding. "That's still only a few hours their time. I'm sure I can find someone in that amount of time." He pulled into the base, showing his credentials.

"Sir, those aren't yours," the guard said.

Oz looked at them. "Sorry, they're my husband's." He flipped to his. "Here. We work with Hammond."

The soldier waved them on, staring after them.

Oz stepped through the portal with Methos and Ray behind him. "Just remember, don't smile at anyone too brightly and keep your hands to yourself." He led them down to the flying platforms, getting them onto one for the trip back to the house. "Hold on," he warned as they lifted off.

"Whoa," Ray breathed, looking down. "How'd they do that?"

"Not a clue, some sort of forced air," Oz said with a shrug. "I am not that mechanical." He maneuvered them back toward the house, waving at a passing platform and the woman driving it, she was one of Xander's admirers. He landed outside the house and waved. "Go in, up the stairs. They're probably in the master suite, which is the second door on the left. Tell him I've got a small assignment and I'll be back in an hour, earth time." He walked away, heading into the crowded middle of the day market.

Methos and Ray walked in and headed up the stairs, smiling at the woman who met them. "Hello, Samantha," Methos said, kissing her on the cheek. "Are they still in there?"

"No, they're down in Xander and Oz's room," she said, pointing behind her. "Is Oz back?"

"Hammond sent him on a small assignment to find a banker so you guys can get some money changed over. They'll be meeting with Steve back at the base."

She nodded. "Cool. I know they like iron." She got out of their way. "I'll get someone to bring you up a snack." She headed down the stairs.

Methos led the way back to the room, smiling at the two sleeping men on the bed, and the third who was watching them. He touched Blair's shoulder gently. "Oz will be back in an earth hour," he said quietly. "Has he said anything?"

"Not really," Blair said, giving them a smile. "Just that it shook him badly." He pointed at the bed. "Curl up if you want to; it's nearly our nap time." He got out of their way. "What's Oz doing?"

"Finding a banker so they can get some currency conversions going," Ray told him. "He'll be doin' stuff with Steve for the next hour or so." He wiggled in under Xander's front, wrapping him in his arms. "Hey," he whispered. "It's okay, it's just me and Meth."

"Ray?" Xander asked, opening his eyes. He looked at the man standing beside the bed. "Methos?"

"Oz asked us to come and hold you," Methos said, climbing in behind Xander's limp body. "He said you needed us too."

"Giles?"

"Is living and on his way to a shrink," Ray told him, stroking over the hairless chest. "What's with the smoothness?"

"They consider body hair to be a defect," Blair said, smiling at Xander. "Oz will be back soon, Hammond sent him to do something first."

"Okay. I'm good with them here," Xander admitted, laying his head on Ray's chest. "It's okay, I can do this now," he told the other man.

"I know, I'm trying to figure out how to wake Danny without getting grumped at." Methos kicked Danny, ending the debate. "All right then. I guess we'll be in our room."

Ray looked at him. "It's not you. We're just about husbands to Xander and Oz, and Xander really needs us right now."

"It's okay, I understand," Blair said, helping Danny up to give them privacy. "Where's Sam?"

"Going for snacks," Methos said, giving him a smile. "Thank you for helping him," he said quietly.

"Xander needed us," Blair said with a shrug. "It's all good. There's only one Xander and we like him the way he was." He led his boyfriend out of the room and down to their own.

Xander looked at the other couple. "Oz isn't mad?"

"Precious one, Oz could never be mad, unless you hadn't fought. Since I know you did, we're considering this an aberration on your normal kidnapping problem."

"Yeah, what he said," Ray said with a grin. "We're considering this a Giles fuck up; you're innocent." He kissed him, and Xander clung to him. "Wanna talk?" he asked.

Xander nodded, laying his had on Ray's chest and letting it all out now.

***

Oz looked over the available money changers and walked up to the first one. "If you had to go to any one of you to change money, who would you go to?" he asked the woman.

She laughed. "Are you working on conversion finally?" Oz nodded. "Then I would go to my wife. She's part of the Guild over all of us. I'll call her if you'd like."

"Please, and can you have her pick a few of you to come and see what we have and judge its value?"

"Of course." She disappeared into the rear of her stall and came back a few minutes later. "She'll be here soon. She thought this might be coming soon."

"Good," Oz said with a smile. He pulled out the money in his pocket. "This is what our money looks like," he told her, showing it off. "Those are all large bills, but we're thinking metals would be more appropriate."

"They would be," she said, fingering the paper. "Linen?"

"Probably, I don't have a clue," he said with a grin, putting the money back. "Our government makes it."

"I could give you about sixty bronze for one or two of those," she offered. "They might become collectors items."

"Which ones?" Oz asked, being careful.

"The smaller ones. I wouldn't want to rob you."

Oz pulled out his money, checking it over. "This one is a single unit and this one a five unit piece," he said, putting down the appropriate bills. "How much?"

"Sixty each," she said, sticking firm.

"Deal," Oz said. "Xander needs a treat and my boss wants to taste some Boulganth."

"When I was pregnant, I ate nothing but that the whole three days," she said, rubbing her stomach. "That and what your family is calling Treat. My wife was not at all happy with the glutton I became."

"That's because I had to spend the money to get it for you at the worst hours," a new woman said as she walked up behind them. "Your people are finally ready to talk about conversion rates?"

Oz turned and nodded, smiling gently so as not to appear like he was coming on to her. "Definitely. Within two hours, your time," he said, checking his watch. "Maybe less than an hour by now." He took the money the money changer was holding out. "Please pick a small group to evaluate what we have?" She nodded. "Thank you. I need to run and get some treats for my mate and my boss, who wanted to try some of the delicacies we've found."

"Are they going on the trade list?" the money changer wanted to know.

"Treat is already on there," Oz said with a chuckle. "He *really* liked that." He ran off, heading to the food part of the market.

The money changer shared a kiss with her wife. "Good timing," she said. "I got these for sixty bronze each."

"Very good dealing," her wife said, touching the money. "This is very frail."

"It is, which makes it more valuable," the money changer said with a grin. "Let's go pick your people. We wouldn't want to offend any of the other families."

"Maybe they have more than ore samples," the wife said, walking into the middle of the money changers. "The humans are ready to talk conversion," she announced. "We need three of you to come help us evaluate things."

Five of the women stepped forward immediately.

***

Oz walked back through the gateway, stepping aside and letting the women walk down the ramp first. "General Hammond, may I introduce Steliana, of the Money Changers Guild, and her wife, Thraian. And their helpers, who they'll have to introduce as I was dropping something off while they were picked."

The General shook the head woman's hand gently. "Thank you for attending to us. We're honored to set up this important step in the negotiations." He was introduced to the other four and led them to the meeting area, where Steve Ellison had set up various ore samples and samples from Xander's loose jewel collection. "This isn't a complete sample, but some of our more typical ores and gemstones. We have included some of our monetary currency also, just in case that's more to your liking." He looked at Oz, who was holding up a bag. "What's that?"

"More Treat," Oz said with a smile, "and that one candy that made Jack go hide."

"Oh, thank you." He took the bag and went to his office. "Call when you need something," he told them before disappearing.

Oz sat down beside Steve, nudging him gently. "How did your meeting with Jace go?"

"Good. How did you know she was going to come see me?"

"She ran that resort for centuries," he said quietly. "It was her child. You're the new heir."

"We," Steve corrected. "She wants our whole group to rotate through the running of it."

"Good for us," Oz agreed. He looked over at the laughter. "Something bad?" he asked in their language.

"No, just a funny metal," Steliana said, holding up a bar of platinum. "What is this?"

"It's called Platinum and it's a money grade metal," Steve told her. "One of the more precious ones. Xander likes to wear it for jewelry."

She nodded. "It would make interesting jewelry I'm sure." She made a note and put it aside in the small pile. "And this?" she asked, holding up a small sample.

"Iron. It's a base element that we mix with others to do things like build and make bridges and cars from." Steve got up and pointed at a small set of sheets. "Each sample is numbered and I've made up a list of what each metal is used for by us. At least according to our best experts," he said with a shy smile. One of the women laughed and he covered his mouth. "Sorry, no offense meant."

"She thinks you just propositioned her," Oz told him. He looked at the woman who laughed. "He is single, but you'd have to make arrangements with my mate. Xander has declared him under our protection."

She shook her head. "No, I'd rather not deal with him right now. He must miss joy."

"He's got our best friends with him right now," Oz told her. "I'll be there as soon as this is done. I trust them to make him happy." She looked at him. "Even that way," he agreed. "It wouldn't be the first time. They're as much as husbands to us."

That got more snickers but the women got back down to business fairly quickly with the help of the sheet.

***

Oz walked into his bedroom and stopped to admire the view. Xander was curled up on Ray's chest and Methos was stroking over the hairless back. "Hey, I'm done," he said, sliding in on the other side of Ray. He touched Xander's back. "Is he doing okay?"

"He's fine," Methos said, giving him a smile. "We talked. He's gotten a lot of the fear out." He leaned across the two men and grabbed a kiss. "How did the money conversion go?"

"They like emeralds, iron, think platinum was funny and nearly worthless except for decoration, and really liked silver. We're going to use a base rate of iron, with silver and emeralds for more pricy things. They didn't even mind the distinction between lab created emeralds and mined ones."

"Good," Methos said. "Was Steve happy?"

"Steve and General Hammond were both ecstatic. And I managed to find an old iron gate at a scrap yard for about twenty bucks that I used for the first exchange. I netted enough money for a hell of a first anniversary celebration."

"It's been a year?" Xander asked quietly.

"In about three more days, this time." Oz kissed him on the cheek. "I'm sorry, but I needed to do that. It was the next really important step."

"I didn't mind," Xander said, giving him a real kiss. "It gave me a while to talk to Methos and Ray."

"Which I knew you'd need," Oz told him. He ran his thumb along Xander's bottom lip. "We locked Giles' powers away so he can't touch them but he can feel them." Xander nodded. "Did they tell you that?" Xander nodded again. "Okay. Did you see the treat I brought for you?" Xander shook his head. "Then let me go down and steal them from Sam," he said with a smile, getting up and heading down to take the tray from Sam. "Thanks," he said, heading up the stairs.

"Hey," she complained. "I only wanted one or two pieces."

"After Xander gets done. And I have money now so we can have a first anniversary party in three days, local time." He headed up the stairs, counting the pieces of candy. At least she had left most everything alone. He walked in and smiled, holding out the tray. "The caramel colored one we're calling Treat."

"Like the canned meat?" Ray asked.

"No, as in it's a treat to eat," Xander said, picking one up to feed it to him. "Chew slowly," he warned. Ray moaned around the sweet and his eyes rolled back in his head.

"Are they addictive?" Methos asked, watching his husband's face.

"Mildly, General Hammond said it's addictive like really good brandy can be." Methos nodded. "But try this," he said, passing over something that looked like a piece of bark. "It's the most expensive treat, but worth it." He passed one to Xander, watching his face for the explosion of pleasure. He wasn't disappointed; his husband came as the bark melted in his mouth.

"Oh," Methos moaned, rubbing against Xander's body. "This is too good." He took a piece and fed it to Ray. "You have to try this."

"Xander came," Ray said, looking surprised as he pointed.

"Jack hid in the bathroom for three hours the first time he tasted it," Oz told him. He picked up a piece to nibble himself, smiling at Sam as she stuck her head in the door. "Needed something?"

"Can I have a piece of the Boulganth?" she begged.

"Sure," Oz said, holding out a piece of the bark.

"I only need half that," she said, breaking it off and nibbling on it delicately. "So, party?"

"Yeah, we got the exchange rates down using iron as a base, with silver and emeralds going up the scale. Apparently they can use some of the base chemicals in iron to make the stuff in the water. It breeds on it or something."

She smiled. "Great job, Oz." She smiled down at Xander, who looked like he was drifting in a haze of pleasure. "As long as you've got it, we were going to go out to dinner together." She held up a bronze coin. "How much is this again?"

"A thousand of the small silver ones," Oz explained. "I left a card with exchange rates on it by the door."

"Thanks." She stole a piece of Treat and jogged off to go get changed.

Xander opened his eyes and held out his hand. "Can I have some more Boulganth?" he begged prettily.

"Of course, babe," Oz said, handing over the other half of Sam's piece. "Don't eat it warm," he reminded.

"I know. I get a belly ache," Xander said with a smile.

"This is the most expensive stuff. It only grows on three planets, and one of them is off limits for trading," Oz told Ray, who was looking at the tray. "It costs one of those bronze coins for a single piece."

"Wow," Ray whispered, reaching for another piece. "What's with the warm warning?"

"When it's warm, it can cause gas pains," Oz told him. He leaned down and stole a kiss. "I'm glad you're here to share this with us too," he said quietly.

"We're only here for a few days," Methos told him, "but we'd love to let you show us things."

"Happily," Xander whispered hoarsely. "Oz, I think I came again," he noted.

Oz looked down and sure enough, Xander had a new wet spot on his pants. "Yup. You did. Want me to get someone to bring us dinner?"

"No food," Xander said with a smile. "More of that." He reached over and took another small piece, savoring this one.

Ray nibbled his piece, starting to float on the same plane that Xander was on.

Methos smiled at Oz. "Good job," he whispered. "I've never seen them like this over candy."

"It's actually a type of sap from what I understand," Oz said as he got comfortable. "I'm wondering if they ever thought about melting it down like maple syrup."

"Those would be some decadent pancakes," Methos noted as he nibbled on another piece, starting to join his fellow GHS in floating.

"Yup, definitely a night for dinner in," he said as he ate another piece of Treat.

***

Daniel met Oz at the door and walked past him carrying Sam. "She okay?" Oz called after him.

"Let Blair explain."

Blair strolled in and shook his head, but he was grinning. "Sam was offered money for me," he told Oz. "She was already a little drunk at the time and got into a fight with the other woman." He fluffed out his hair. "It seems I worth seventy bronze as a bribe to let me go."

"Cool. Xander got six hundred on the last bid so that's about right," Oz said with a nod. "How high did she go?"

"She only got out the one offer," Daniel said as he walked down the stairs, shooting a frown at his lover. "She'd be in the brig at home."

"Jack would have gone ballistic," Oz pointed out. "Without being drunk."

"Good point," the other men said together.

"Is he back yet?" Daniel asked.

"No, he's getting briefed about the next step in the negotiations." Oz held out the tray. "Last two pieces," he offered.

They grabbed them and nibbled them on their way up to their room.

Oz shook his head. This was going to beat the 'Xander dances and nearly gets taken' rumors.

GHS in Space 3: Hairballs!

Notes: In Memorial for Kevin Smith, he who played Ares. He inspired many dreams and many writers, if only to fix the plotlines and give him good scenes.

Xander came out of his practice area, wiping the sweat off his face. "I ache," he told Oz as he walked past him.

"You should. You've been killing yourself for this new performance," Oz said quietly, giving him a hug. "I know you needed to burn off some stress, but please don't hurt yourself."

"I'm not," Xander said, frowning down at his mate. "I just need it to be perfect."

"Even if it's not absolutely perfect, I'm sure no one will notice. They'll all be too happy to notice," Oz said as he poked his husband on the stomach. "You've got to shave again."

Xander looked down and groaned. "That sucks. I don't have time to shave. I only have a little time for a bath before I need to go to the jewelry shop."

"He doesn't have you on a set schedule," Oz pointed out as he led Xander back to the common bathing area. "You can be a little late."

"But everyone knows when I show up and they're usually waiting," Xander complained. "I don't like letting people down."

"And you won't. I'll help you shave." He stripped them both and got them into the bath, letting the water clean them both as he started on Xander's hair. "Want me to help you braid it?"

"Sure. Before we do the shaving thing?"

"Definitely," Oz said with a grin. He stole a kiss as he worked the lather into the bottom of Xander's waist-length hair. "It's starting to grow again," he said as he measured the long strands.

"I nipped off an inch or so of dead ends." Xander nearly purred as the rough fingers went into his scalp to massage him. "We still don't have time for this."

"You've got almost an hour before your usual time to get there," Oz said quietly. "Let me play. Remember, I like to play with you and your hair." Xander smiled at that. "Even when I had to be away for two whole days."

"It was important," Xander said, turning around to get a kiss. "I understood that. You had to help the official Earth money people get along with the ones here." He wrapped his arms around Oz's neck. "Are you sure I have an hour?" Oz's watches were shown to him. "I thought I had less time," Xander said, looking at his own. "Mine's stopped."

"Mine might be slow," Oz admitted, "but even being a little late can be all right, especially if I drop you off."

"Good point," Xander said with a smile. "A lot of the women think I do better because I have you. I've been calling you my muse."

"That's sweet," Oz sighed, stealing another kiss. "Let me finish your hair?"

"Sure, babe." Xander let him go and turned back around, letting his husband deal with the mass of mess that they called his hair. "I've been thinking...."

"If you say you want to cut your hair, I have to protest strongly," Oz warned, tugging gently on the wet strands.

"Not all the way," Xander admitted. "But maybe half its length now?"

"How about if I start taking care of it for you again?" Oz suggested. "At least until you get over this current crisis of wanting to strip away all my pleasure?"

Xander looked over his shoulder. "Oz, the hair is a pain. It sticks to me when I dance, it's heavy, and it takes *forever* to dry."

"But I like your hair," Oz semi-whined. "It's silky, it's soft," he moved closer, whispering it in his husband's ear, "and I like to play with your hair. It runs through my fingers like water after I brush it. It surrounds me at night, even when you're not sleeping on me. It's my own comfort blanket in a way because I know that you're nearby if your hair's around me."

Xander sighed. "Three inches?"

Oz measured off the length and shrugged. "I could do that. Want me to trim it?"

"Nah," Xander said, turning to grab a kiss. "There's someone in the market who does it. I was going to go to him."

"There's an actual *male* working in the market, for himself?" Oz asked. One of the main things about the planet they were living on was it was matrilineal. The men were nearly forced to stay home. No respectable family ever let its men do anything close to business activities. Even the jewelry shop Xander worked in had a female running it, it was her husband who made the jewelry and marketed it, but everyone knew she was really in charge. It was the way things were where they were.

"He's not from here," Xander said, nibbling on Oz's neck. "He's from one of the more outlying planets in the Empire." He looked up. "So, three inches is okay?"

"Sure, babe. Still want me to braid it for you?"

"Yup. I can't work with it loose, it'll burn again." Xander turned back around, letting his mate work on his hair to make it manageable. "Do I still have time to shave?"

"You'd better, or you'll send all those women away," Oz reminded him. "I doubt they'll get as wet for you if you showed up with body hair." Oz finished the braid and put it over Xander's shoulder. "Let me get the shaving soap." He climbed out and ran over to the shelf, coming back with a white bar of soap. "We need to tell someone this is the last bar," he said as he slid back into the water, smiling at Xander's position. "Back first?"

"It itches."

"I can fix that too," Oz told him as he reached over with his slightly longer nails and scratched down the long length. "How's that?"

"Left," Xander moaned, arching up into the fingers. Oz moved his fingers around some. "There!" he said suddenly and his mate scratched him there.

"You've got a few bumps there," Oz said, leaning over to look at it. "Looks like you're breaking out."

"I thought the water would've killed that," Xander grumped.

"It probably should," he agreed, starting to soap the firm legs with the white, hair removing soap. "Steady," he ordered as Xander started to drift. He saw his husband trying to scratch that spot and reached up to get it for him again. "Do you want someone else to look at this?"

"No, if it's just a pimple coming in, the itch will stop soon enough," Xander sighed, relaxing as Oz's fingers started to massage his legs again. "That feels good too."

Oz leaned over and kissed the small of his husband's back. "Welcome, as always." He continued to work the lather into all the hairy areas.

***

Xander smiled as he walked through the crowd of women in front of the stall. "Sorry," he told them. "Oz was taking care of my hair." He flipped his braid back over his shoulder and gave Oz a kiss. "Are you coming to my trim?"

"You'd better believe it," Oz said, grabbing his husband for another kiss, then walking away. "I'm going for treats."

Xander grinned at his coworker. "He's very good to me."

The other jewelry maker laughed. "So we can see. You're late."

Xander shrugged. "We tried but we got held up by shaving." A few of the women gasped. So he turned to look at the crowd. "No, my people still have body hair, but we decided to honor your customs and shave ourselves for you," he said with an enticing smile. "It's part of the respect we show for you lovely women. And the men too of course," he added as an afterthought.

One woman giggled and pointed at his stomach.

Xander groaned and looked down. "I know. The soap won't take it off," he said with a shrug. Then he grabbed his pocket knife and flipped it open, slicing off the hair and tossing it into the forge, where it sizzled as it burned up. "There, all better?" he asked, turning around so they could see.

One woman reached out to touch his hair. "It's soft," she told the others. "It's like the best fabrics."

Xander grinned. "That's one of my Oz's jobs. We'll be trimming three inches off this afternoon." The crowd gasped. "It's not that much," he said with a faint pout. He measured off three inches with his fingers. "Just that much, to keep the ends nice."

"No, we won't let you," one woman complained.

"Ladies, you wouldn't want my ends to *split* would you?" Xander asked in mock-horror. "This will make it look even better. And it'll still be long," he promised her.

"I want some of it," the woman pouted. "As a souvenir for when you go next year."

Xander gave her a brilliant smile. "You'd have to talk to the guy who's going to be trimming it for me. I'm sure he could save some for you." He looked at the forge, then at the women. "What shall I make you lovely ladies today?" They giggled. "Promissory rings? Another armband?" he suggested, looking at the one one of the women was wearing. "That needs polished," he chided gently. "Have you been wearing it in the bath?"

She smiled and nodded. "Of course. It's very warm. I feel colder when I take it off." The crowd agreed with her, touching their pieces of Xander jewelry.

He leaned across the counter, picking up one of the cleaning clothes on his way over, and worked on cleaning her armband for her "If you bathe with it, you've got to polish it sometimes," he told her quietly.

"We sell an excellent polish," the other jeweler said, putting a bottle beside Xander. "It even works on that new human import, platinum."

"Who's working with platinum up here?" Xander asked him as he continued to clean. "I've done most of my work in it because Oz can't stand silver; he's allergic, but I like the color."

"One of the bigger stalls is," one of the women told him, giving him a pitiful look. "They're doing the first casting."

"Eww, casting," Xander sighed, shaking his head. "Platinum is a great metal to work with. It's soft and you can make some exquisite forms with it because it's harder than silver." He finished the armband and smiled at the woman. "How's that look?"

"Bright as new," she said, giving him a shy smile. "Are you sure you're not looking for a wife to add to your family? You could take care of this for me."

Xander shook his head. "Sorry, my Oz was very strict when we discussed that proposition last night. He wants it to just be us." He brushed a strand of her hair off her face, an iffy move that hinted he wouldn't mind having sex with her. "You'd have to go beg him."

Her eyes brightened. "I will then. I shall beg and plead with him."

Xander grinned. "Cool. I'm sure he'd be happy to listen to any reasonable argument for adding to our family." The women all chatted together, letting him go back to the forge area. "So, what should I make first?" he called.

"Make a promissory ring," one of the women in the back called. "Out of this." She put down a block of fabric-wrapped metal. "I would like to see someone who knows what they're doing deal with this metal."

Xander came over and picked it up, unwrapping it carefully. "Platinum. Gladly. Any particular design? Fancy or not? With a stone or not?"

"I have no preference. My jeweler couldn't do much with it, he said it's too soft."

"It is a softer metal," Xander agreed, taking it back to the bench so he could cut some of it off. "It takes more gentleness than the harder metals you prefer; you almost have to baby and coo it along." He dropped the first chunk into the fire and went to check the stone drawer. He frowned. "I wish I had some of mine up here. I have a stone I've been wanting to set in platinum." He selected three fine stones and put them onto a holder plate while he went back to deal with the quickly-yielding metal. He pulled it out and picked up his tiniest hammer, starting to meld the metal to his will. He looked over at the other jeweler. "Would you like to come closer and watch?" he asked between strikes. She nodded and was let in, sitting near him. "This really is a great metal to work with, but it takes some care. I hear gold can be worse, but I don't work in that at all at home." He continued to flatten the piece of metal, stretching it out. When he got it the right length, he heated it gently for a few more minutes then pulled it out and started to bend it around the form, again using the most delicate of taps to get it to go to his will. Platinum could be a stubborn and unforgiving metal. A little too far and you nearly had to start over. When he got it to the shape he wanted, he started to bend the edges back onto the form, creating a channel for the three stones. He managed to set them without too much problem, but the reheating to seal it was the tricky part. He watched the ring carefully, then pulled it out and quickly dunked it in some water, bringing it out to look at it. "Not my best," he said with a slight shrug. "An easy design, the first I learned actually." He ran his finger across the seams and set it to heat a little more. Then he pulled out something that looked like a small rolling pin and used it on all the seams to make them smoother. He was finally satisfied and took a cloth to clean it off. "I have a feeling that I know what part of his problem was. Something in the water's reacting with the metal," he told her, showing her the one spot that has discolored. "That happened when I put it in to cool it off."

She took it to look it over. "If that's what the problem was, then that's easily solved," she said finally. "This is very pretty." He bowed to her. "But you're right, a very simplistic design."

"Would you care for something more elaborate? I love making chain out of this stuff."

She shook her head. "No, maybe some other time." She picked up the rest of her block and left the stall, going to report probably.

The jeweler clapped Xander on the back. "That was impressive. I've never seen you make a ring that fast."

"She looked like she had little patience for long works," Xander said with a half-shrug. "What next?" he asked the young women.

"Make us some chains?" one woman asked. She pushed forward. "I have a wedding to go to tomorrow night and I need a good chain to strangle my new step-mother with." She laughed when she saw his frown. "I didn't mean literally, silly. Please?"

"Of course, how long?" Xander asked, dropping some of his usual working metal into the forge. "A pretty choker for your neck, or something longer?"

"Ooh, an ornate choker?" the girl asked. "Of chains?"

"I think I can do that," he agreed, turning to check on his metal, adding a little water to one part of the fire to regulate the temperature.

***

Xander sat down in the chair, looking up at the man who would be trimming his hair, measuring off three inches with his fingers again. "That much. That's all we can stand me to lose."

The barber lifted Xander's hair, weighing it. "Men on my world would be ashamed to have such hair."

Oz growled lightly. "Mine."

The barber looked over at him, then down at Xander. "Ah. You grow it to please your male wife?"

"He's not the wife, neither am I," Xander told him coolly. "I can always go somewhere else."

"No, I've got the scissors already ready," he assured them, backing down. These foreigners were odd but he would have to learn to live with it. This wasn't his home world and he wasn't around people who thought like him. If they wanted to have hair like his women, then he would do it for them, even without the ritual. He smoothed down the back of the long hair, going up as far as the young man had measured, then started to trim straight across. In a few minutes he was done. "There," he announced, getting out of the way so Oz could check it over. "Enough?"

"That's great," Oz said, paying him. "Come on, let's go show the women that you didn't get it all cut off so they'll quit standing outside and can bother him for the hair." He led Xander outside, turning his mate around to show them the back of it. "See, not that much," he teased them. He walked Xander away. "We're going to eat and then he's going to go back to work."

The women rushed inside to get pieces of Xander's hair.

While they were eating, agreeing to try a new cuisine this time, Xander's head started to itch. He reached back to touch the back of his head, but nothing felt strange and the itching had stopped. He shrugged it off and picked up the next piece of goat to nibble on.

"Phantom hair feelings?" Oz asked.

"A strange tingle." He waved a hand in front of his mouth, grabbing the milk the waiter had left to slurp. "Hot," he breathed, trying to cool his mouth down. He took the offered piece of bread with a nod of thanks as he stuffed his mouth with it. "Thanks," he said once he had swallowed.

"Always happy to help." Oz frowned as he looked at the back of Xander's hair.

"What?"

"Nothing, the light is making me see things," Oz said with a shake of his head.

Xander pulled up the mass of his hair to look at the bottom. "What? An uneven piece? A strangler?"

"No, it looked longer." Oz held out a hand and Xander put his hair in it, they both watched as he pulled it tight. "It is longer," he said with a 'huh' sound. He looked at his mate. "Some new skill you learned?"

Xander shook his head, standing up to check how long his hair was against his back. "Um, Oz, didn't I just get it cut? I'm not hallucinating, right?"

Oz turned Xander around, frowning when he saw the hair now down below Xander's pert buttocks. "Gee, it grew really fast," he said, frowning at it.

"And it's heavy too," Xander pointed out.

Their waiter ran over to them and said something to Oz. Oz shook his head and explained that something strange was going on with his mate's hair. He had just had it cut and it had grown twice as much as they'd cut off. The waiter's eyes opened very wide and he ran into the back. "Let's get this to go," he suggested, waiving another waiter over. "Boxes, so we can take it home?" he asked. He nodded and ran to get them for him.

"Yeah, I'd like to talk to the barber too," Xander said with a frown. The restaurant's owner came out with the boxes. "You look like the guy who cut my hair," he noted.

The owner bowed to him. "It is possible. There is a new one of us here who is trimming people." He looked at the end of Xander's hair. "Were the scissors black, so dark they sucked light?" Oz nodded and he smiled down at him. "We have a custom on our planet that a woman will cut her hair with those when she reaches adulthood, the night before she is betrothed. It makes the hair grow twice as much as is cut. Those are not supposed to be brought off planet as we give up our rights of citizenship and culture when we leave." He shrugged. "People have been known to sneak things past the censors however." He patted Xander on the back. "Don't worry. It will stay this length and will probably stay healthy."

"But we cut it because the length was starting to hurt his neck," Oz pointed out.

"Ah, but, if he cuts it again," the owner said with a smile, "it will still grow the same." He clapped his hands and left them alone, they'd already paid their check.

Oz boxed up the food and led Xander back into the market. "Where to?" he asked.

"There's someone else here that trims hair," Xander said quietly. "I want to visit them."

"Okay. What if he said is true?"

"That's what I'm going to find out," Xander said grimly. "If it is, then I'm going to be doing some heavy praying to Strife to make the torment end." He headed toward the personal care section of the marketplace, going to find the other haircutter.

Xander's scream echoed around the closely built stalls, bringing Oz at a run. He had been looking at perfumes while Xander had this investigated and he had the feeling that, somehow, the restaurant owner had been right. He stepped into the shop in time to see the haircutter putting up Xander's hair with some heavy looking pins.

"Anti-grav pins," Xander ground out, rubbing the back of his neck. "I didn't think another three inches was that much."

Oz groaned and led Xander away, after paying the man and promising to bring back the pins. They needed some more intellectual help with this. Research they could do, but Danny and Blair did it better.

***

Danny let down Xander's hair, letting Oz support his neck. "Whoa," he whispered, touching the extra inches. "How?"

"The guy who originally cut it used something sacred to their people, a pair of scissors that took off inches but made the hair grow twice as long," Oz complained. "We have to return the grav pins."

"They're probably real expensive anyway," Blair pointed out. He grinned down at Xander. "Better you than me?"

"Very funny," Xander ground out. "Hurts, Danny."

"Sorry." Blair quickly put the pins back into the hair, approximating the hairstyle Xander had come in with. "Okay, go turn back in the pins. Oz, hold his hair for him, everyone will probably think you're being cute, and head home. We'll look it up for you and bring home some answers." The other couple nodded and left them to their research. Blair looked at his boyfriend. "I was serious."

"I'm very glad it wasn't me," Daniel agreed, patting Blair on the head. "Though, you might look cute with more hair."

"Can you imagine Jack's complaining the next time we have to overnight?" Blair asked with a smirk. "He hated how much care I gave to it last time."

"Yeah, he'd probably be pissed," Sam said as she walked up to them. "Was that Xander? I didn't intrude because I thought it might be guy stuff."

"Oh, it wasn't guy stuff...it was hair stuff," Blair told her, touching her own hair. "Xander's trim turned out a little unexpected."

"I would hardly call that a reason to break into the research area," she snorted.

"It grew twice as long as they cut it off," Blair added. Her mouth fell open and she whimpered. "Yeah, so Xander's not real happy and he's got a sore neck."

She burst out in giggles. "Sorry," she gasped, "but ...Xander?"

"Yup, only him," Daniel said with a smirk. "Blair was thinking about trying that, but he was worried about what Jack would say on our next overnight." That sent her into a second burst of laughing, making her grab them to hold them still.

"Yeah, that's what we thought he'd say too," Blair said, grinning at his boyfriend.

***

Xander lay on their bed, his hair pooled around him, moaning as Oz brushed it for him. "If it wasn't for the weight, I'd keep it," he offered quietly. Oz was becoming very attached to his hair.

"If we could afford the anti-grav pins, I'd make you keep it," Oz agreed, leaning in to grab a kiss between strokes. "You know I like your hair."

"Yup, and you love the white streaks too," Xander said with a grin at the ceiling. "If I go out, I want a neck brace."

"Okay. We'll even wrap your hair up on your head if you want to."

"That would be a femme sign," Xander pointed out.

"We'll let Sethryn tell us what to do then?" Oz suggested. Xander nodded. "Cool. Want to get him now?"

"No, we can do it later. General Hammond's due later today."

"Cool. Last time I saw him, he looked like he could use a rest." Oz finished putting in the micro braid and moved onto another section of the long hair. "We should do this the next time you have to dance. Braided would be easier and if they're small enough, they still look like hair."

"If you're willing to sit there and braid it," Xander said with a grin.

"I'd probably get some help," Oz admitted. "My fingers are already killing me." He stopped braiding and shook his fingers. "Want me to get someone to finish?"

"Only if you really don't want to play with it anymore."

"Good point." Oz went back to his braiding, but he went slower. He finished his second one and decided to give up, for now. He could always do more later.

Downstairs, someone shrieked.

"I think we've got visitors," Oz said as he got out of the bed, narrowly missing pulling some of his mate's hair on his way down to check on people. "Hey, General. Everyone else is still at work but you can come up and talk to us if you'd like." He said something to the maid, who was clutching the banister. "He's our boss," he told her in English, for the benefit of the General. She said something and he shook his head, telling her something else. She nodded and left them alone. "I won't make you drink stinky tea," Oz said quietly as he led the way up to their bedroom. "Xander, it's Hammond."

Xander waved weakly from the bed. "I'd get up, but I'd hurt myself."

"What happened now?" the General asked, looking him over. "You look all right."

"The guy who trimmed Xander's hair had these scissors that add length," Oz told him. "We added about twelve inches today." The General winced. "His neck's hurting and the physician we talked to said for him to stay in bed for the rest of the day." Oz climbed back in beside Xander, but waved at the chair. "Pull it over, we'll report first."

"The jewelers are having a problem with platinum," Xander told him once he was sitting. "It's softer than they're used to dealing with. I showed one person a simple design today when she challenged me." He shrugged and groaned. "I still ache."

"I'd ache too, with all that hair," the General said, giving him a fond smile. "How much does your hair weigh now?"

"As far as we can tell, at least ten pounds," Oz said quietly, picking up his brush to deal with more of the mass. "This extra near-foot has added at least another five."

"Ouch," the General said, rubbing his neck. "Would a cervical collar work?" Oz shrugged. "Their physician didn't say so?"

"She said that his neck muscles would adapt," Oz said, looking over at him. "After some extreme headaches, some pretty bad neck and shoulder cramps, and a few times of sitting on it."

The General smiled. "At least it's different." Both men nodded. "I'll have one of the base doctors send over a neck collar for him." He crossed his feet. "So, what else has been happening?"

"The locals scared the German guy by throwing him a party," Oz told him. "I calmed him down and explained all the things to him, including the food. He felt much better after one of the local brewers gave him a glass of his new 'beer'." The General smiled and nodded. "Wasn't too bad, little flat, but a great third try. The German guy was impressed and they discussed it most of the night. After about three of those and one of the universes' strongest shots, he was feeling pretty cool and mellow." He smiled. "You should have seen him trying to teach the locals the Macarena."

"He was quite drunk by then," Xander agreed with a smile of his own. He forced himself to sit up, letting Oz hold his hair for now. "I've been the center of an attention war. I told all the lovely young ladies that I was taken and that Oz was my muse, but that they had to start going to him to proposition me."

"Gee, thanks," Oz said dryly. "How many do you think I'll get?"

"Probably not too many, some of the mothers are coming by to watch what their daughters are gushing over at home. A few have been scandalized. A few decided to stay the whole time I was there and even bid on a few things." The doorbell rang. "I'm not moving," he told them.

Oz got up and went to answer it. "Yeah?" he asked the woman on the other side.

She walked in and stared down at him. "Where is the head of your household?"

"Xander's resting upstairs. He's had an unfortunate incident with his hair." He gave her a bland look. "Can I take him a message."

She snorted. "No, I will only talk to the woman who heads your house, the one who makes the contracts for you."

"That would be me," Oz told her, crossing his arms. He saw the maid coming toward them. "Take it up to my room please," he told her. He nodded his thanks for the meat on the tray. "Xander will appreciate those."

The woman looked him over. "You may be an *ambassador*," she said snidely, "but only women may head households here."

"Then I'd suggest you go talk to our sponsor," Oz said with a shrug. "She said that we had strange circumstances and that Xander headed the household but that I was to make all business decisions as that's my primary job in the family." He opened the door. "Thank you for coming," he said formally, dismissing her. She glared at him and walked out, not caring that he slammed the door behind her. "Sethryn!" Oz yelled, bringing their protocol manager running. "That woman, whomever she is, is heading for your boss to badger her for something about Xander. You might want to warn her." He walked up the stairs, going back to his Xander. "Sorry, snotty woman who decided I was beneath her notice."

"Do you get a lot of that?" General Hammond said as he watched Oz crawl back under the pile of hair. "And do you know what this is?"

"Um, a version of goat," Xander told him. "But it's really good and very high in protein. That's their usual meat, when they eat it."

"Those suckers are *huge*," Oz told him. "I got to take a tour of the livestock pens in the market, and those goats were bigger than any bull I've ever seen. Easily six foot at the shoulder. And *mean*!"

Xander snickered. "One tried to eat him," he said with a pat for Oz's hand. "He came home and told me that the first one was probably eaten in self defense. Jack called them Marine Goats; said they reminded him of some of the Marines grunts he knew."

The General stared for a second, then burst out laughing. "Marine goats," he said as he calmed down. "Those would be interesting to watch."

"I had dreams about a herd of them marching in standard phalanx formation," Oz told him. "All of them coming to the house in Sunnydale."

Xander put a hand over his husband's mouth. "Remember, if you say it, it could come true in Sunnydale. Seth and Spike would never forgive us for Marine goats overrunning them."

Oz snickered. "I'd like to see their reaction though."

That set Xander off.

General Hammond shook his head. "At least you're having fun." He looked around. "Are all the rooms this nice?"

"Only Sam's," Xander told him, snugging back into his pillows. "The other guys' rooms are nearly windowless and have beds that are somewhat harder than these."

"This was apparently the room for the Mistress' favorite husband or concubine," Oz told him. "We lucked out, it was open when we got kicked out of the master suite."

"And why were you boys claiming that one?" the General asked.

"Because everyone else had already picked the crappy rooms," Xander said with a grin.

The General shook his head, but he was smiling. "That's what I would have done," he agreed. "So, any news from the other diplomatic forces?"

"Just that they're struggling with the little things," Oz said dryly. "Things like the little cultural issues that they can't wrap their minds around." The doorbell rang again and Oz sighed. "What now?" He started to get out but Xander didn't let him.

"Someone get the door," Xander called out in the native tongue. The bell quit ringing fairly quickly. "There's a maid downstairs," he reminded his husband.

"Good point," Oz said, kissing him on the forehead. Someone tapped on the door. "What?"

The maid stuck her head in and said something quickly.

"Have her come up, I can't get out of bed," Xander told her, holding up his hair. "The person who trimmed it made it grow twice as much as was trimmed. I have an extra foot of hair and the doctor told me to stay up here." The maid ran away. "Our sponsor's here."

"She would be, I sent the pushy woman to her," Oz said simply. He nodded the woman in when the door opened. "Come on in; I'm sure you've heard the story."

"Yes, I have," she said with a smile. "An extra foot, Xander?"

"I wanted him to trim it three inches the first time, and when I went to see if the restaurant owner was right, because he told us about the special scissors, it grew another six." He forced himself to sit up farther, letting Oz take more of the weight of his hair. "I'm not sure I can handle this yet," he told her. "An extra five pounds of hair is too much."

She patted him on the head, then ran her fingers across the soft strands. "I can feel the weight," she agreed, sitting next to them on the bed. "I just got a proposition from another jewelry stall owner to have you come work for her. Two days a week and you'll get forty percent."

"Nope, I like where I am," Xander told her. "He accepts my half days. He likes my work."

"He likes the women that come to watch you," Oz added.

Xander nodded. "Very true. He was selling polish today because some of the women are bathing in my jewelry."

"But it would add more to your household accounts."

"We're doing well on that account already," Oz told her. "He's bringing in about fifty bronze a week." She looked impressed. "Besides, he's right. We don't know this other person. We don't know what conditions he'd be working under. Whether or not he'd be allowed to take breaks. Whether or not she'd force him to work the full day local time, which might kill him."

She nodded. "Very well thought out. I told her I would speak with you of it. I'll tell her no." She clapped her hands and stole a piece of meat. "Over cooked," she said with a disgusted look.

"We can't eat it rare," Oz told her. "It gives Daniel a stomachache."

"Rare is a delicacy," she sighed. "I guess not everyone would eat it that way." She patted Xander on the head again. "What are you going to do with this when you have to go back to work?"

"I'm hoping to be able to stand then," Xander told her. "I might end up taking the next workday off."

"He won't like that," she warned.

"The women will storm the house," Oz corrected. "They'll pout, fuss, and whine until he goes out to talk to them."

She shook her head. "Only you," she said, placing a kiss on Xander's nose. "You rest. I'll go tell her no for you."

"Who is she?" Oz asked.

"She's from the Queen's jewelry house." She shrugged. "The Queen won't be upset; she understands the value of a loyal following and promises made." She smiled at the General. "Should I tell her that you're here?"

"Please. I'd like to come up and touch base with her later," the General said. "It's better to keep a tight rein on the diplomats in new situations."

She nodded. "A very honest answer. I'll tell her of your desire to ...touch base with her." She bowed to the boys and left.

"That wasn't sexual, right?" the General asked.

"Only to a dirty mind," Oz quipped.

The General relaxed. "Good. Oh, I did need to pass on some information." The boys looked at him. "We just had a Presidential election. The person coming into office is the same one, but the Governor of your state isn't. He's a bigoted, narrow minded man who believes what you have is wrong enough to have you put in jail." Oz's happy mood evaporated. "I've instructed Steve to go stay at your house for you. He's said something about moving the house though."

"Yeah," Xander sighed, "I told him if it became that necessary, then he had my permission to have the manor house moved to another location." Oz looked at him in shock. "I love the location, but I won't put up with it being torn down. That's the sort of initiative that I meant, but if this new Governor is going to be that bad...."

"He's going to have a fight on his hands," Oz pointed out. "He's got two of the gayest cities in the world under his control. He's going to have activists coming out of the woodwork if he tries anything. Even the straight activists will be pulling for his head."

Xander nodded. "Okay." He looked over at the General. "I'd like to keep in touch with Steve about this. With us not being there, there's a lot riding on his control."

"He's got it well in hand, boys, but he wanted you to know that something might be coming up."

"Has he said where?" Xander asked.

"He did. It seems his father left him some land in Canada and he's willing to sell it to you. Not ocean front like yours is, but nice and wooded. A few hours outside of Montreal if I remember right."

"Near the Vermont house," Oz told him, stroking over the firm back. "We could become Canadian citizens."

"British?" Xander suggested. "Living in Canada?"

"That might take some doing," Oz told him. "Getting our new identities to become anywhere is hard, adding more wrinkles is even harder and more dangerous. Let's just pick a nice, safe spot and work on moving to somewhere we like from there. Okay?"

"Okay," Xander agreed, snuggling into Oz's side.

"Boys, please. There's already enough rumors about gays in my unit."

Oz groaned. "Sorry. I accidentally showed them Xander's ID and then said that was my husband's and that I worked for you. All my fault."

The General gave them a fatherly, indulgent smile. "I know. And I told the gate guard to mind his own business, not my unit. He's not part of our team; he's just a grunt and I pointed that out to him."

"I'll be more careful," Oz promised.

"Why do you have my ID?" Xander asked.

"Because you forgot it on the table as we were leaving."

"Oh. That makes sense." Xander shrugged. "I thought I had it when I got onto the base the last time."

"Nope, I flashed both of ours." Oz gave him a squeeze then perked his head up. "Sam's coming this way and she's singing. I think she's been in the food stalls again."

"That one food does make her act drunk," Xander said with a grin.

"Allergic reaction hopefully?" the General asked. Oz nodded. "Has it become a problem?"

"It's quickly becoming her favorite, but unless someone propositions her then everything's okay," Xander told him. "Though..." A hand went over his mouth. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"We're not getting Sam in trouble."

The General smiled again. "I'm sure you're not, son. I'm sure she'll get herself in trouble." He stood up. "I'll get the doctors to send over something for your neck as soon as I get back." He looked down at Xander. "I suggest you find a way to fix it though, that's more hair than anyone needs and I've heard that much hair leads to medical problems." He walked out, going to greet his scientist.

"Sir!" Sam shouted from downstairs. There was a quiet conversation then the sound of running feet. "Sorry, guys, but I've got to report." Oz nodded. "You already did?"

"Our part of it," Oz agreed. "Any luck with restoring his hair?"

"Not yet, though Blair thinks he might have found something about the scissors. He's searching that area right now." She shrugged and waved, heading back down to make her report.

"Hopefully no one will laugh," Xander said as he buried his face in Oz's chest. "I don't think I could take that today."

"Don't worry, I'll kick Jack's ass for you if he laughs," Oz soothed, rolling his eyes. Xander could be such a baby sometimes, especially when he was in pain.

***

Jack walked in carrying a large bag and headed up the stairs. "Here," he said, tossing a box at Oz. "Doctor Janet suggested that he wrap it around his head and wear some sort of hat to work in," he explained as he leaned against the door frame. "She did say that, even if it's thought of as being femme, it'd be easier on his neck." He waved and went down to his room.

Oz unpacked the neck brace and slipped it around his husband's neck for him, fastening the velco. Xander immediately pulled it off. "Hurts?" he asked.

"Choking."

"Oh." Oz patted him on the back. "We'll figure it out." He picked up the brace and put it on the floor beside the bed. Xander was going to be taking a nap soon, his eyes were starting to drift shut. Then he would go and see if he could help fix this. Oz was sitting downstairs when Blair and Danny came in, giving them a grim look. "Anything?"

"Not a thing," Blair admitted. "There's an alternate pair of scissors but they've been lost to antiquity." He sat on the end of the bed. "There was a mention of a pair of scissors that anything cut by it stayed cut. All I know is that it's disappeared according to the books." He patted Xander's leg. "I'm sorry, buddy, but I couldn't find anything remotely similar. You might have to live with it until we can find some other way of fixing it."

"Richard?" Oz suggested.

"I doubt he has an anti-Rapunzel spell. There's probably not a lot of call for a spell to make hair quit growing."

"We can ask," Oz suggested.

"And we will," Xander assured him, "but I'm not holding my breath on that one." He slithered across the bed and over to the altar, lighting the fresh candles he had put out earlier that day. He looked at the end of his hair and stuck some in, but it came back again, and then some.

"Hey, no burnt offerin's!" Cupid said as he appeared, glaring down at Xander. "What did you stick in there?"

"His hair. It seems that we ran into every balding guy's wet dream - scissors that make your hair *grow*," Oz said dryly.

Cupid looked down at Xander again, his mouth coming open. "How?" he asked. "How do you do this?" He frowned down at his worshiper. "If I beg, would you *try* to stay out of trouble for a few weeks?"

"Hey, not my fault!" Xander countered. "All I asked for was a three inch trim. It was the barber's funky scissors."

"Yeah, and *you* found him," Cupid pointed out smugly. "Strange shit is attracted to you, and only to you." He pointed at Oz. "You don't see shit like this happenin' to him."

Xander forced himself to stand up and stomp out, though his head was pulled down by the weight of his hair.

Oz clapped. "He's been majorly stressed all day over that," he pointed out. "He's in pain over it, the new foot of hair ...."

"Whoa! *Foot* of hair?" Cupid asked.

"Yeah, the scissors make it grow twice what you cut off." He saw the confused look and smirked. "We had to make sure the rumor was true. Xander had another guy trim him and it grew again."

Cupid rolled his eyes. "Only him." He frowned at Blair. "What do you two brains say?"

"We found mention of the scissors," Blair told him, "and the mention of the countering scissors, which are forever lost."

"Oh, well, that's life."

"And if you ever want to be *prayed* to again," Xander said from the doorway, "you'd better help me get rid of this mess. 'Cause if my neck and head hurts, guess who's not gettin' any, or any prayers from anyone who's not gettin' any?"

Cupid groaned and pouted at his priest. "You had to go there, didn't you?" Xander nodded, a little bit. "Fine, I'll see what I can find." He looked his man over. "Do you even know *how* you do this shit?"

"It's interesting but there is a God of Mischief and Trouble here," Blair told him. "She's three." Cupid stared at him. "And she likes to show up to play in the market place. It's just someplace she feels right at home in."

Cupid groaned as he disappeared.

Oz patted the bed. "Come here, I'll give you a neck rub." Xander trudged over. "You didn't mean that, right?" he pleaded. "Remember what happened the last time you couldn't have sex," Oz begged when he didn't get an answer.

"If I can't think through the pain, then we can't have sex," Xander pointed out. "And if I tried right now, I'd probably snap my neck."

Oz sent his own prayer, to Ares and Jace. Desperate situations called for desperate measures.

Blair sent a prayer of his own winging to whichever deity covered mental illness in Xander's chosen pantheon; they were going to be getting two new clients if Xander's hair problem wasn't fixed.

***

Up on Mt. Olympus, Ares sat up in bed and looked over at his lover. "Why would I care about *hair*?" he asked his lover, who had also been prayed to. "I'm over War, not over bad hair days."

"Maybe we got the prayer because you have such good hair," Jace said, smiling at her lover.

Ares looked over his shoulder. "Thanks, but I'm still not over that. Hair is not my thing. Mine's always fixed perfectly." He flicked a curl over his shoulder.

Cupid flashed in, glaring at his father. "Did one of them pray to you?" he demanded.

"Yes, son, they did. Why was I prayed to about *hair*?" Ares asked tolerantly, needing this answered. It wasn't like Oz to forget who he was.

"Because Xander, Strife's favorite person and all around bestest buddy, found the only pair of scissors in existence that make hair *grow* when you cut it," Cupid said snarkily. "He's got an extra *foot* of hair now."

"Oww," Jace muttered. "That's got to weigh a ton with what he's already got."

Cupid barked a laugh. "Yeah, probably, but he just threatened me with no prayers and no sex with Oz if it didn't get fixed." He flopped down onto the bed and curled up around Jace, pouting at his father. "I don't know anything about stuff like this; my hair is perfect and has been since I grew up." He held up a finger. "Not one word about when it wasn't or you're not gettin' any either. I'll take Jace with me and you won't see her for the next century."

Ares shook his head and climbed off his mattress. "Strife!" he yelled. His nephew appeared in front of him, looking curious but wary. "Fix this so I can get back to my nap and have sex later."

"Fix what?" Strife asked, looking at Cupid. "What happened now?"

"Xander found a pair of scissors that makes hair grow," Jace told him. "When he got a trim, he grew an extra foot of hair."

Strife scratched his head. "So cut it off."

"The reason he's got a foot is they decided to see if it was a one time thing," Cupid said, still pouting. "The three inches they tried to cut off came back as six. Hence the whole foot thing."

"Cupid," Strife started, licking his lips, "did you get this *directly* from them?"

"And a threat of no prayers or sex," Cupid added. "Because I wouldn't do anything about his stupid hair."

"Honey, he's got to be having headaches," Jace pointed out. "That much hair weighs a ton and it's all on the top of your head and your neck. He's got to be in pain."

"Yeah, well, he did say he had a headache from it," Cupid said quietly, looking down, but he was still pouting.

"Is there *any* way to fix this?" Strife asked his Uncle.

Ares shrugged. "Why are you asking *me*?" he asked, looking slightly amused but slightly pissed also. "Not many wars have been started over *hair*!"

Strife nodded. "Good point. Who'd know though?"

Ares shrugged, still having that same look on his face. "Go ask Apollo, maybe he's over hair too. He seems to have just about every other job."

"Thanks." Strife grinned at Cupid. "Did they tell you about the little girl?" he asked as he left.

"What little girl?" Ares asked, sounding almost afraid to.

"Their Goddess of Trouble and Mischief is a three year old girl," Cupid said, looking up at his Uncle.

Jace burst out laughing. "Oh, that is *so* appropriate!" she shouted, sitting up.

Ares tried to hold it in, but couldn't do it. He started to laugh. "A permanent toddler Goddess of Trouble. Those people probably did something very horrible to earn that."

Cupid started to laugh too. "They got Xander!" he said happily.

Jace smacked him with a pillow. "That's not a punishment. That's a pleasure. He's a *reward*."

"Yeah, sure he is," Ares snorted, climbing back into bed. "Son, did you *really* want to stay?" he asked, running a hand over one of Jace's breasts.

"Sorry," Cupid sighed, going home. Maybe his mother would comfort him. Having Xander worship him wasn't what he had thought it was going to be. Why couldn't the guy be like the other GHS he lorded over?

***

Strife appeared in front of Apollo, who was looking confused. "Get one about hair?" he asked.

Apollo looked over at Strife. "Yeah, dude, but for mental illness. Do you know anything about that?"

"Just that it's Xander."

"Oh," Apollo said, nodding. "That explains it." He shook his head. "How did he get an extra foot of hair suddenly?"

"See, from what they told Cupie, Xander went to get a trim." Apollo nodded at that one, a perfectly normal mortal thing to do. "Only the guy who cut it had a pair of scissors that makes hair *grow*. *Twice* as much as you cut off." Apollo shook his head and closed his eyes, one hand drifting up to cover them. "Apparently he went in for a three inch trim the first time, and when they saw what happened and got some information, they had to make sure that's what it was. Now he's got a foot of extra hair, a headache, and he's cranky enough to threaten no more praying to Cupid *or* having sex."

Apollo moaned and sat down on a golden chair that suddenly moved up behind him. "Why you, dude?" he asked.

"No, the best part," Strife said, holding up a hand. "His mate Oz prayed to *Ares* to fix it." He smirked as Apollo started to laugh. "So, we're kinda desperate here."

"How does he do this to himself?" Apollo asked once he had calmed down.

"Well, see, I figure it's their Goddess of Trouble sayin' hi this time," Strife told him. "She's three."

Apollo fell out of his chair he was laughing so hard. "A permanent toddler *female* version of you!" he cackled. "Oh, Gods, they're in so deep!"

Hera appeared, frowning at her step-son. "What is so funny?" she hissed.

"Xander found the only pair of scissors in existence that make hair grow," Strife told her. She just shook her head. "I figure it's their Goddess of Trouble sayin' hi... she's three."

Even Hera had to smile at that one.

"And....And," Strife said. "His mate prayed to *Ares* to come fight the hair!"

She chuckled. "Yes, that is worth it," she agreed, disappearing. She came back a few minutes later, holding out a pair of scissors. "I will not see that other pair up here," she warned her Grandson. "And these will get back to the Fates this afternoon. Understand?"

Strife's eyes widened and he nodded. "Thanks." He disappeared, going to where Xander was sulking. He leaned over the couple on the bed and grabbed some of the hair, trimming a good foot and a half off it.

Oz looked up and mouthed, "Bless you."

"How?" Xander asked, looking at the ends.

"The Fates scissors cut things and they *stay* cut," he said, waving them. He handed over the hunk of hair. "Up, let's do this right." Xander hopped up and let Strife trim the bottom of his hair. "For this, I get invited the next time you dance," he warned.

"Hey, I dance next time in two weeks, local time here," Xander agreed. "I'm working on some new stuff." He leaned in and gave Strife a light, chaste kiss. "Thank you. You just saved Cupid going insane from listening to Oz beg." He grinned. "How did you steal those?"

"Hera managed to talk them into it," he said with a shrug. He took a few strands and disappeared again.

Oz grinned at Xander. "Feel better?"

"Much," Xander said with his best animal, naughty grin. "And so will you soon enough," he promised as he pounced.

***

Strife reappeared in Apollo's temple, handing Hera the scissors. "Thank them for him. He's *real* happy now," he said with a grin. He handed over a piece of the hair. "Here, this is it."

She looked it over. "This is very well taken care of," she noted.

"Oz does it for him," Strife smirked. "He's got a thing for long hair."

She just smiled and disappeared, taking the scissors with her.

Apollo stole a piece of the hair, feeling it up. "Dude, if we could find a way to do this, it'd make *tons* of people quit whining to me about going bald." He looked up. "Any chance of getting those scissors?"

"Sure," Strife said with a smirk, "but only if you cover my ass."

"Hey, it's for a medical reason," Apollo said with a shrug. "We might even need to *test* it once or twice."

Strife's grin faded long after he did.

Strife landed in the market place and looked around. He was in the right spot, he could feel the scissors, but there wasn't anywhere open. He looked down as someone tugged on his hand, getting down to smile at the little girl with white hair. "Hey," he said, holding out a hand. "I'm Strife, Xander's God of Trouble. What's your name?"

"Lissa," she said, grinning broadly. "If you play with me, I'll help you find the treasure."

"Cool," he breathed. "I never have time to play." They headed off to play in the abandoned stalls.

***

Oz opened up the news server and sat down to drink his morning tea, wanting to see what else had happened yesterday while he had been taking care of *hair*. He slowly put his cup down as the lead story started, starting to whimper and point. "Xander!" he finally yelled, bringing his mate running. He whimpered and pointed again.

"Oh, hey, Lissa," Xander said, sitting down to watch the story about the switched merchandise and tangled inventories. "She's so cute," he said, looking at his husband. "A great little kid, even though she's trouble incarnate."

Oz picked up the remote and rewound to the picture that had made him nearly choke, pointing at it. "Strife!" he said when Xander didn't get it.

Xander squinted at the screen. "Maybe," he said with a shrug. "But they like Lissa, so they'll probably accept him." He stood up. "I'm going to go bathe. Want to come play with me?"

Oz shook his head. "Not today, dear, I have a headache." He banged his head on the table once his husband was gone, making sure his excuse was real.

***

Up on Mt. Olympus, there was a scream, followed by another, then another, then another, in all different pitches and ranges of the vocal scale, but all using one word. "STRIFE!"

"Wasn't me!" Strife yelled, nibbling on a banana, but sharing part of it with his newest friend.

Hera appeared in front of them, panting in anger, her hair down around her toes. "Strife," she ground out. "I told you those scissors would not be coming up here. That's the only reason you were allowed the Fates' scissors." She stopped and looked down at his guest. "And who are you?" she asked, glaring at the child.

Lissa just smiled and waved her fingers, turning Hera's hair fluorescent purple. Then she clapped and grinned at Strife.

"Apollo has them for *medical* reasons," Strife told her. "He's working on the baldness issue."

Ares appeared in Strife's temple, looking down at his nephew, his hair it's normal shape. "Gee, you *did* remember this time," he said with a happy smile. "Thank you for not getting me."

Hera glared at her Grandson. "We will be speaking about this," she promised, disappearing.

"Hey, I remember kissin' that wall very well." He pointed at Lissa. "This is my newest buddy, Lissa. She's three."

Ares groaned and disappeared, unaware that his clothes had stayed. "Strife!" he yelled. "Send them back!"

"Honey, we don't pick on Unc," he told her, feeding her more chocolate. "He can get nasty and yell." She smiled and sent the clothes back, only they were now turquoise.

"No!" Ares moaned, his voice echoing around the Mount.

GHS in Space 4: Ferret Rule

Note: Couldn't see our President doing it, but am NOT adding another fandom. I mean, seriously, can you see George W going over there for a visit?

Queen Nethisha looked around her nearly empty throne room and sighed in her boredom. Her first wife, sponsor to those humans, gave her a pat on the arm and a smile. "You haven't yet seen their animals," she reminded gently. "You did ask for them to be brought because the first ferret tickled you."

The Queen smiled. "Yes. Can we get them? I know their fathers' are in the market today, our daughter ran out to watch Xander pound out pretty things." They shared a smile.

"It's a harmless flirtation," the first wife said softly. "She knows this." She stood up. "I'll go get you those animals."

"Take the formal cart," the Queen requested. "The people were amused with Dessie, they might like to see these also." Her wife left her alone, but now she had an end in sight to her boredom.

***

Oz jogged up to the jewelry stall, leaning around the women to be able to see his husband. They moved a little bit for him, giving him smiles. The muse was here! "The Queen asked to see the ferrets. Sam let them go a half-hour ago and just told me."

Xander groaned and finished his work on the latest link in his chain. "Okay. We'll go up there and rescue her." He held up the chain, smiling at his groupies. "Well, it's not as long as yesterday's," he told them apologetically, "but I've got to go."

"Oh, mine!" one woman called, starting to push forward. "How much?"

The local jeweler took the chain to look it over. "One weak link," he pronounced, handing it back to Xander, who snipped it at that link. The women cheered. "Forty for each," the local jeweler said.

The crown princess bought them both. "Come on," she said with a teasing grin. "We can all go together." She waited long enough to get clasps on the chains then led them back to the palace. "Mother, I brought presents," she called as she walked into the throne room. "And the animals' fathers."

The Queen squealed, taking the ferret out of her breast cups. "Good." She smiled at the boys. "I think this one is a little odd."

"It's a fascination," Oz explained as he took control of Jedi, their mommy ferret. "She's fascinated by breasts."

Jedi squeaked at the kitten coming out to investigate her kits, warning it off.

"Shh," the Princess said, reaching over to pet her. "The kittens aren't going to hurt them. They're just very curious."

Xander got down to let the kitten sniff his hand. "Hello. You're very pretty."

//I'm a ferocious hunter,// the kitten told him telepathically, looking quite sure of itself.

Xander stared, then laughed and gave her a hug. "I'm sure you are the most ferocious of hunters, little one."

The Queen smiled down at them. "You've been given a very high honor. They talk to almost nobody, especially outsiders." She came down off her throne and sat next to her kitten. "This is Trismshan, it means Lead Huntress. She's nearly six months old."

"And very intelligent," Xander told her. He picked up the ferret that was batting at Trimshan's tail. "Trimshan, this is Skip." The kitten nosed the ferret, then grabbed it by the back of the neck and carried it off to go play chase. A very fast game of chase, which sent priceless artifacts crashing to the floor.

"Stop that!" Oz called. "You don't destroy other people's houses!"

"It's fine," the Queen said gently. "The cats do it all the time." She leaned closer. "I hated that vase anyway," she confided. "It was a diplomatic gift so I had to have it in here, but the thing was ugly."

Xander nodded his understanding. "I have a painting like that."

"Where?" Oz asked. "We don't have real art."

"In a safety deposit box. The insurance agent said it was expensive," he said with a grin.

Oz shook his head and sat down to play with the animals. Who said diplomatic work was hard and no fun.

***

They were ready to leave, all but one ferret. Skip was stubbornly being bathed by another of the kittens that lived in the palace.

The Queen sighed. "You should leave him, they'll get tired of each other soon enough."

"M'lady, I'd gladly do that but you're not really equipped to take care of it tonight. The ferret is litter trained and we're left its food at home."

She smiled serenely. "I'm sure we can pick some up when we take you back.

Xander looked at his ferret, who looked content. "All right," he agreed. "We'll show whomever brings us home how to take care of the little one." He looked at his mate. "We need more bedding anyway."

"Okay," Oz said with a shrug. "You're the one who handles the adoptions." He gathered up the last of the escaping ferrets and put it into the fabric carrier, strapping it on. "Come on, let's get these guys home before they can escape again."

Xander bowed to the Queen and strapped on his own carrier. "Are we walking or taking a cart?"

"Let's walk," the Princess suggested, pointing toward the door. "I need to know how to take care of Skip."

"And he will be *your* responsibility, Siblinth, not your Guard's," the first wife said as she walked in. "Not like your last pet."

"I was nearly a newborn," Siblinth said with an eyeroll, which she had obviously picked up from Xander as it wasn't a native move. She led the way out of the palace and down into the market.

A woman ran up to them, looking at the ferrets starting to crawl out of the carrier and all over their fathers. "May I pet one?" she asked, reaching toward one.

"No," Xander said, pulling away just in time, the ferret had tried to nip her. "You never reach out, you scare them that way." He glared and patted the kit to calm it down.

She glared back and stormed off.

Siblinth shook her head. "She's a Tuthan," she muttered as she started walking again, calling her a Marine goat. She managed to catch one that was trying to jump off Oz's shoulder. "We should dedicate you to Lissa, she would be amused and show up again."

"She hasn't been around?" Oz asked.

"Halt!" a guardwoman called, striding toward them. They stopped and waited on her, calming down the escapees. "A complaint was made against these animals." She frowned as one jumped onto her. "Stop it," she ordered Xander.

Xander took the ferret back. "It's not dangerous. The woman ran up to us and tried to pet it without any sniffing time." The guardswoman blinked. "The ferret needs to sniff you before you can pet it. Just running up and grabbing it makes it defensive and it nips you, which is what almost happened to her. I moved her before she could actually nip the idiot." He made a futile grab as the ferret jumped again, this time making it down into the guardwoman's tunic.

She pulled it out and looked at it. "That's not polite," she told the ferret. "You're not my species." She handed it back and then watched as the animal jumped back onto her.

"It's not dangerous," the Princess pointed out. "We just adopted one," she said, trying to help.

//Yes, my kittens find them odd but fun,// one of the not-often-seen telepathic adult cats said as she walked up to them. She huffed at the ferret, who snuggled back down inside the tunic. She looked at the complaining woman. //Shut up, they're fun and good for my sister's cubs to play with. The one in the palace already has many fans among the servants and the other cats.// She nudged Xander and sent him a mental purr, with the message, //I think you're fun for a man//. Then she left them alone, not aware of the baby ferret following her until it pounced on her tail. //Do not do that,// she told him. //Males do not pounce on tails.// She looked at Xander, then sent him another mental purr before picking up the kit and trotting off.

The guardswoman sighed and shook her head. "I have seen no aggressive behavior."

"One of them tried to bite me!" the woman complained again.

"And it's the same one that's snuggling up to her breasts," Oz pointed out. "Not vicious, you scared it." He shoved the rest of the ferrets back into the carriers. "Would you help us get them home?" he asked the guardwoman. "They're a handful."

"So I can see," she said, smiling at the one still inside her official uniform. "You can't stay in there," she told it, pulling it back out to look at it. "No men allowed down there, I took an oath."

Xander picked up the ferret's tail. "It's a girl." He took Oz's hand and walked with him, letting the Princess and the guard talk behind their backs.

"They really are quite fun. The one we've just adopted knocked over that ugly Chin vase, the one mother hated."

The guardwoman nodded at the men. "Their people would have given her that."

"Oops," the Princess said, grinning at Oz when he looked back. "I'll try to piece it back together when we get home."

"I didn't give it to your mother," he said with a shrug. "But if our diplomats did, you might not want to tell them how it happened."

"It could get them in trouble," the guardwoman said, sounding knowledgeable.

When the guardwoman tried to hand over the ferret, once they had walked the boys home, it stubbornly refused to let her go. It had bitten into her shirt and had it's claws gripped tightly in it too, and was squealing in distress at being separated from her new friend. It was not leaving her. Oz offered her a bag of supplies but she shook her head. "I can't take a gift."

"It's not a gift. We're firm believers in letting our animals pick their own owners. And she likes you." He held out the bag again, and when she didn't take it, he handed it to the Princess. "Here, for her new friend. And they'll both need litter boxes."

The Princess smiled. "Sure." She looked at the female kit that was being so persistent. "You might as well accept it, they're great little friends. I'm sure everyone in your barracks will love them."

"Just watch out for their 'finding' habits," Oz told them. "They like to 'find' stuff and bring it to their parents to show them off, or to line a nest with, either one."

The guardswoman shook her head. "I can't, sir, really."

"If you don't, you'll insult us," Oz said firmly. "She likes you, it'll break her heart to not go home with you."

She looked down at the little face, which she would later swear was pouting up at her. "Fine, I'll take it just so as not to offend." She took the bag of supplies and headed back into the market.

The Princess smiled and waved, then ran off to head home.

Oz closed the door and leaned against it. "She agreed, after a long ferret pout."

Sam walked past, holding out a tray of sandwiches. Oz took one. "That's good. Three less ferrets are three less I'll find playing in my underwear." She went in to watch the news, that was part of her job, to make sure nothing bad was being said about them.

Oz shook his head and walked up to their room, where Xander was doing a mass grooming. "You're not going to start pouting, right?" he asked from the doorway.

"No, but I might have to go check up on them," Xander said quietly. "Just to make sure that they're being treated properly." He looked up. "Did she take it?" Oz nodded. "Did you warn her about the 'finding' thing?" Oz nodded. "Good. Can I have some?"

Oz walked in and handed over the last half of his sandwich. "Want to go home and get bedding materials?"

"Sure." Xander looked down at himself. "Let me get dressed." He handed over the brush and stood up, heading to their closet to find something to wear. He pulled out a large wrapped box. "Um, Oz?"

"That's your birthday present, but you can't have it for another two days."

"Okay then." Xander carefully put it aside and pulled down an outfit, getting dressed quickly. "Just ferret bedding?"

"Maybe something along the lines of Hershey's," Oz said mildly. "I'm craving chocolate for some reason."

"Okay." Xander started a list. "I can't believe that they don't have wood shavings with all the area that the Empire encompasses."

"It's probably not necessary," Oz said philosophically. "They don't have ferrets, hamsters, or gerbils, or anything like them that we've seen. Why would they need bedding like that."

"Point, I guess," Xander admitted, pulling on shoes. He checked his bracelet then grabbed the wallet Oz tossed at him. "Just those two things?"

"Just those two things," Oz agreed, watching as he left their room. He felt a wet nudge and looked down, smiling at the cat sitting there. "Want this?" he asked, brushing his kitten.

***

Xander walked down the ramp of the portal, smiling at the woman standing there. "Hey, Janet," he said, kissing her on the cheek. "No usual guards?"

"General Hammond told them to stand down if one of you came through," she explained, handing over a bag. "He also figured it was about time for you guys to need some of this."

He looked inside and nodded, giving her a grin. "Yeah, we kinda do. And we adopted out three of them today. Two to the Queen and one to a guard. Well, technically two to the Queen's telepathic cats, but they're hers and they've proven it by playing chase."

She groaned. "I know how bad that can be. Dessie by herself was bad enough when I babysat her, but cats too must be maddening." She patted him on the arm. "Needed anything else?"

"Oz wanted something of the Hershey's variety. He's craving chocolate."

"He's not the one I would think would be doing that," she said with a smile. "Come to the infirmary and we'll get that settled." She looked over his shoulder as the portal rippled. "Hey, Daniel, what's up?"

"Just a small something I thought the General would like to know," he said with a faint smile. "Is he busy? I noticed the lack of guards."

"He told them to stand down," she said with a shrug. "He should be up in his office with Jack. Come on, Xander, we'll go get Oz his chocolate fix."

"Oz is craving chocolate?" Daniel asked.

Xander nodded. "Yup. It happens rarely." He followed his favorite doctor up to her office, waiting there while she went to procure him treats from the commissary. He looked up when the door opened, smiling at Jack. "Hey, Janet's doing a chocolate run for Oz."

"That's good, I guess." He sat down across from his friend. "Xander, I need to share something with you." Xander nodded. So Jack leaned forward and tried to put something on him.

"Nope, not going to happen," Xander said, frowning at the device he had plucked from Jack's hand. "What is this?"

"It's the new people counter that your Governor instituted. He wants every one of his people to wear one so he knows how many there are for the next six months."

"Fat chance," Xander said, tossing it into a nearby trashcan. "I don't need to be counted and I doubt it'll read off world." Jack's face went blank for a second. "What's wrong with you?" he asked, standing up and getting away from his friend.

"Nothing," Jack said, getting up to get the 'counter', brushing it off. "You have to wear it, Xander."

"No." He dropped the packages and faced off against his friend. "Do you have one on?" Jack nodded. "If it's only California's governor, then why are you wearing one? And won't it mess with the project?" Jack's face went blank for a second again and Xander took the opportunity to knock him out. Then he patted him down, finding and ripping off the device. He stepped back and nudged Jack with his toe. "Hey."

Jack groaned and sat up, holding his head. "What hit me?"

"I did," Xander said, holding up the device. "You tried to plant one of these on me." Jack shook his head. "Yeah, you did." He pointed at the one on the floor. "This one," he said, waving the one in his hand, "was on you."

"No," Jack said, standing up. He took the device to look at. "Where?" Xander pointed at his chest so he looked down at the spot, and the little drop of blood there. "What happened?"

"Jack, do you know what day it is?" Xander asked him. "You've been gone a few days in the other time."

Jack checked his watch, still frowning. "This is impossible."

"Apparently not. You tried to give me a story about my governor wanting all his people to be counted so we had to all wear those for the next few months." He snapped his fingers. "Danny's here. He went up to see Hammond."

"Crap, that's where I was the last I knew," Jack said, taking off at a run for the General's office.

Xander grabbed his packages and ran after him. He got there in time to see Jack ripping the device off General Hammond's chest, and tossing it down to stomp on it. "Maybe we should keep a few," he suggested lightly. He leaned against the door. "Hey, Danny, what's up?" he asked.

"I checked him," Jack told him.

Xander walked over and moved Danny's t-shirt collar, plucking the small device off his shoulder. "Only the front," he said, handing it over. "Want to get Janet first?"

"Tell me what's going on first," General Hammond suggested, looking between them. "What was that?"

"Something that I resisted Jack putting on me," Xander told him. "That's all I know."

"And I seem to have lost time," Jack reported.

The General shook his head. "Huh?" He looked at Xander, then at Daniel. "When did you two get here?"

"About fifteen minutes ago," Xander told him. He didn't move when the door opened.

"Here you are," Janet said, smiling at them. "I thought I told you to wait in my office." She handed over the requested chocolate bars and put a 'counter' on Xander's arm. She pulled a gun out of her pocket and pointed it at them. "The rest of you, put one on."

"No," Daniel said, pushing his glasses back up. "Why should we?" She pointed the gun at him. "Which is a really nice argument, but why would we want to put a device back on? It won't work on us."

She laughed. "Your pitiful logic amuses me but you will put one on."

Jack sent a thought outward as he bent to pick up the device that had been on Daniel, hoping that any of the people who protected Xander would get Oz to them. Or Blair. Or even Sam, even though she had been planning some glutton time today. "Um, I kinda broke this one," he offered, handing her the pieces."

"You pitiful men, always so violent. That's why we sent most of ours away."

Daniel looked up at her. "I found a diary from that time. Not all the women were for it but you forced them, didn't you?"

A little girl appeared next to the desk, stomping her foot. "My fun!" she declared. "You're bad, need punished."

"L...Lissa?" Janet stuttered. "But you're a myth made up by the merchants to gain business."

She laughed. "Really? I'm real, are you?" She started to wave a hand but Jack moved between them. "What?" she said, glaring at him.

"That's not really her. It's something in her that's making her bad," Jack explained. "The woman is our friend and she's usually very good."

Lissa pouted. "But she bad!" she said with another foot stomp. "Me call my mommy." She tipped her head back. "MOMMY!"

A blonde goddess appeared, picking up her daughter. "What's wrong, sweetling?" she whispered, cuddling her. She saw Jack pointing and frowned. "Where did she get those?"

"Not a clue," Jack said with a shrug. "However it was done, it's taken over our doctor," he pointed at Janet, "and now Xander."

"He my fun," she told her mother. "Me and Strife."

"Yes, I met Strife earlier today," she said dryly. She looked at Jack. "You have a *male*, *adult* God of Trouble?"

"Not mine," Jack defended.

"We, um, actually have a few versions of religion on this planet," Daniel explained, reaching back to take the thing off Xander's arm. "Can you fix our doctor? I would gladly go and get my book on our religious systems. I have a comparative book of the major ones in my office."

"That would please me," the Mother said, smiling at him. "I can fix her, it won't take me that long." He nodded and got up, heading down to his office.

"If I may ask," General Hammond said. "What are those things and why hasn't Xander come out of it yet?"

She handed him her daughter. "The first is easy. The women who banished most of the men from our home world to find peace created them. They went street by street, doing so many of the women at a time so they could take all the violent men and removed them after they were gone. The next morning, a few of the devices remained but most had went with the most violent of the men." She waved a hand over Janet's chest, her hand getting filled with a device. "As for why he's not back yet, I have no clue. There were a few side effects for the more violent men." She walked closer to Xander. "Is he normally violent?"

"Not hardly," Jack snorted. "He can fight but he doesn't pick them."

General Hammond had to nod at that. "We're all military men, and women here, all except Xander. He's a civilian helper."

"So am I," Daniel said as he walked back in. "Is there some problem?" he asked, handing over the book and sitting back down.

"Xander's not coming out from under it," Jack said grimly. Everyone stopped as the portal whooshed open. "Please tell me that's the stargate," Jack whispered.

"No, the stargate's much louder," General Hammond said, getting up to go check. "It's Sam."

"Oh, man," Jack said, starting to relax. "At least it wasn't Oz."

"Oz?" the female Goddess asked. She nudged Xander. "I can't bring him out, he'll have to come out naturally." Jack started to laugh hysterically. "What?" she asked.

"Xander's ... protected," Daniel explained, having had to search for the right word.

"His Gods might be able to help him then," she said, looking upwards. Then she looked at her daughter. "Call your friend, dear."

"No!" Jack shouted.

"And why not?" General Hammond asked.

"Because I prayed for help," Jack told him, looking panicked.

"And you got it," the Goddess said, pointing at Lissa.

Ares showed up, glaring at the men in front of him. At least he was until Sam nudged him out of her way. "Sir, Oz told me to come fix Xander?" she said, looking confused. "He said he couldn't come do it at this time because he was going to have a long talk with someone about leaving Xander alone for a few days."

"That might be a good idea," Ares said dryly, looking Sam over. "Gee, you don't *look* stupid," he noted.

She blushed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to shove you."

Ares rolled his eyes. "Militaries are not what they used to be." He looked at Xander, then prodded him gently. Then poked him. Then he smacked him across the back of the head. "Huh. Yours?" he asked the Goddess. "Because my son and nephew would start a fight with you over him. They like him a lot."

She laughed. "No, just the effects are what we're worried about. Is he a violent man in his heart?"

Ares considered the man in front of him then nodded. "He doesn't usually let it out, but if you get him angry enough he will react in the most unexpected way possible. His ideal way to get you back is to fuck up your life." He smacked Xander again. "This feels good. I can get him back for lack of sleep now."

"Could this have something to do with his bonding?" Daniel asked him. "And he'll pay you back. I'm pretty sure he'll realize his hair's been messed with."

Ares stroked the hair flat again. "Not if you don't tell him." He smacked him again. "It might. Oz is a beserker. Giles is still an asshole, though he's starting to realize how very desperate he's about to become." He looked at the Goddess. "If he's bound soul deep with a beserker and someone with a God complex, would that matter?"

She nodded. "Probably. If it's a true soul bonding then it would have to affect him."

"He's got a soul sword," Daniel told her.

"He does?" Ares asked, looking a little surprised. "I didn't think the kid had it in him. He's definitely a protector."

"He used it against Giles," Jack agreed. "But for some reason it went away."

"That happens sometimes," Ares sighed. "If you think it's not so desperate anymore, it can go back in. Or he might have given up for a few seconds. I've seen them disappear with a strong enough doubt." He smacked Xander across the back of the head again.

The female Goddess smiled and shook her head. "I think we could probably force him to come out faster if it's a worry for you all." She held out a hand to Ares. "I'll need your help as he's yours."

"Technically only part of the time," Ares said, taking her hand. They poured power into Xander, making him shake and finally fall down, after peeing himself. He looked down. "You all right now?" he asked.

Xander opened his eyes and glared up. "What did you do to me?" he asked hoarsely.

"They fixed you, Xander," Daniel told him, dropping his jacket over his friend's body. "I'll get you a change of clothes." He looked at the three Gods, bowing to them. "Thank you for your help, his Oz would be devastated if something serious happened to him." He headed out to get Xander some clean clothes. They all kept a change on base, no matter that they were hardly here.

General Hammond bowed to the Goddess. "If I may ask, who are you and what position do you serve in your pantheon? We've had some very interesting discussions about the majority religions on your home world."

"I am Grethan, Goddess of Grief." She smiled down at Xander. "I will instruct my daughter to leave you alone for a few days."

"I don't mind," Xander said with a shrug. "As long as it's not contagious, harmful, or will get me in trouble with my Gods, Strife and Cupid."

"This Cupid, I've heard of him. What does he do in your pantheon?" she asked Ares.

"Cupid's my son and he's a God of Love and Lust," he told her. "Xander's is high priest for all three of us."

She nodded. "A well rounded man then." She smiled at him. "If you have a headache later, it's understandable and will go away. As will the lack of appetite for anything other than sweets." She and her daughter disappeared, with Daniel's book.

Ares looked down at Xander. "You didn't want to hurt her feelings, right?" he asked. "Because Strife is worn out dealing with you."

"Hey, pissing her off after she saved my life would have been bad," Xander pointed out. "Besides Lissa's not doing anything harmful to me. She's doing fun things, like making a kitten follow me to work last time. Nothing that Strife should have to deal with."

Ares shook his head and disappeared. A leash, collar, and harness, all in chain and leather, landed on the desk a few moments later. "Use it, Jack," floated out of the air.

Jack snickered. "Sure. I'll give them to Oz."

Cupid appeared, shaking his head. "Nope, Oz is too nice. Sometimes Xander needs a firmer hand on his leash."

Xander raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?" he said, wrapped Daniel's jacket around his waist as he stood up. "I don't need a leash, Cupid, I have a wonderful keeper already." He licked his lips and gave his God a sultry look. "Can you imagine what I would do if I didn't have a little outlet for my mischievous being and creative urges?"

Cupid eyes went wide and he whimpered, leaving quickly.

"That is a scary picture," Jack agreed, handing over the equipment to Xander. "Here, you can put them on Oz," he said with a smile.

"Yeah, I can, can't I?" Xander said happily, heading out of the office. "I'm going to take a shower because this is nasty," he said, waving over his shoulder. "Danny found something."

Jack sat down in the chair across from the desk, relaxing. "Sir, how much longer do we have?" he asked quietly, looking at his boss. "If I have to continue to deal with Xander's....mischievous being I might explode."

"Not more than another year until diplomatic ties are firmly established," the General soothed. "Is it really that bad? I would have sent Oz but I couldn't see Xander letting him go alone."

Jack shook his head. "It comes and go, but they like Xander quite a lot more than they do Oz. They see him as the serious middle ground between the diplomats, and Xander is their example of humans. Danny, Blair, and I are seen to be normal but they're looking forward to finding a lot more men like Xander down here. He's the one that's making it move smoothly. Oz translates and Xander sands the corners and pulls the splinters."

The General sighed. "They're the best we've got but I can see how it must be hard dealing with someone so very different." Jack gave him a wry look. "Think about doing this without them though. Just you and your team."

Jack shuddered. "No, sir, I'm very glad Oz has taken over most of my duties." He sat up straighter. "Is the President really coming up for a meeting?"

"He is," the General said with a bright smile. "I've told him all about my trips up there and the Queen, he's very anxious to meet with her."

"Not to be indelicate, but what do we do with Xander and Oz, sir? They're not exactly members of the program or even the military."

"He knows they're there, Colonel. Trust me, he wants to meet them too."

"Then let's hope for a normal day that day," Jack said as he heaved himself up. He shot off a salute. "Permission to go to bed, sir?"

"Granted. Have a good sleep period," Jack." He smiled as his future replacement walked out. "Maybe I can convince Xander and Oz to work for us after all," he told himself, looking at the report for the next planet the portal could go to. "Those two, with their other two friends, Steve and his friend Richie, and my first team should be the perfect full diplomatic compliment."

Cupid appeared, shaking his head. "No, dude. Please don't do that to us. Getting to Xander now is wearing us out."

"You're free to use our portal," the General offered. "It should take some of the strain off."

"Thanks," Cupid said with a grin. "We'll see. What's this newest one like?"

"An idyllic place, a lot of forest, a nature religion."

"Then don't send Xander. He's not good in the woods," Cupid pointed out. "Oz might be."

The General leaned back in his chair. "Can you really see Xander letting Oz go by himself?"

Cupid rolled his eyes. "Not at all. Why the top heavy contingent?"

"Because these people have apparently declared war with a nearby set of neighbors. We'd need people who we can count on to protect themselves."

Cupid looked down at the papers, then snickered, pointing at a line. "That religion is intolerant to gays. They cut off their heads, among other things, so there's no chance of their evil ideas being passed on." The General blanched. "Yeah, so maybe some of your more gung-ho soldier boys should go instead."

"Good point," General Hammond said, making a note on the paper. "I'll pick a team with that in mind. Thank you, Lord Cupid, and please thank your father for me for helping us earlier."

"Sure." He waved and left.

Xander walked in a few minutes later, wearing camouflage pants and a t-shirt. "Anything else we needed before I go back?" he asked.

"Did you get the bedding?" Xander pointed at the packages. "Did you need anything else?"

"Janet got the candy bars Oz was craving." He checked the bag then thought about it. "How's Steve holding up?"

"He's fine, Xander. He said that the state is still in the 'looking at options' stage. It's given him time to find the perfect place to move your house if it becomes necessary." He pulled out a package and handed it over. "That's the new proposed lot. He'd like an answer soon."

Xander sat down to look at the pictures. "Wow, that's a beautiful view," he said quietly, showing the picture off. "Where is this?"

"Canada. Somewhere on the west coast. He also said he's got your new identity all set up and ready whenever you are. He can trigger it whenever."

"Cool." Xander flipped through the pictures. "Give me a day, your time, to talk to Oz. I'll send a message back." He grinned. "I got to talk to two of the telepathic cats when they adopted two of the ferrets."

"Really?" The General looked impressed. "About what?"

"The first one, a six month old female named Trimshan, told me she was a ferocious hunter when I called her pretty. The second was an adult in the market when we were accosted by someone who didn't like my ferret babies after they tried to nip her because she scared it. She told me I was fun for a man and that the ferrets were good playmates for hers and her sister's cubs."

The General nodded. "Interesting. Do you think they'll continue to talk to you?"

"I have no idea," Xander said happily. "I was told it was a great honor. Queen Nethisha said they never talk to outsiders."

"I would like to know if they've got a culture of their own," the General said thoughtfully. "They remind me of cougars, their lines and such, but to have made that specific evolutionary step is something very interesting to me personally."

"I'll ask the Queen if she knows anything," Xander told him. "She and the Empress breed them. There's not that many of them left. Oh, and they can breed with other types of cats. There's *never* been a cat that wasn't black or albino, but because they can breed with one of our cats, which seems we need to have fixed now, they had a pink one." The General's mouth opened and hung like that for a moment. "Siblinth, the Crown Princess, is one of my groupies, and she told me all about the puzzlement of the pink cub. It's never happened, even when they've outbred before. They think it'll darken though."

The General closed his mouth. "What color was your cat?"

"It was Fluffy's son," Xander said dryly. "Pink and gray tabby."

The General just nodded. "I would like to know about their breeding also. We don't have any species that can outbreed that way."

Xander nodded. "I'll tell her you're interested, see what she says." He stood up, tucking the pictures into his bag. "Thanks for this. I'll be back in a few." He picked up the bag of wood shavings and headed down to the portal.

The General leaned back in his chair. "Well, it's interesting," he told himself. "But how do I report this to the President?" He shook himself. "He knows about Xander, he'll probably understand." He picked up the direct-line phone and waited for it to be answered. "Sir, a small report to be made. No, Xander has made contact with their telepathic cats." He smiled. "Yes, sir, it is very interesting. They like his ferrets so there's some common ground. I've asked for some information on the species as we don't have anything similar and they're interesting to say the least." He smiled. "Of course, sir, when would you like to go? I'll send word though. Xander should be back in an hour our time." He hung up and made a note for Xander.

***

Xander flopped down onto their bed and handed over the candy bars on top of the pictures. "What's this?" Oz asked, looking through the stack. "Pretty place."

"That's where Steve wants to move the house to if we have to move the house," Xander said, snuggling in.

"You're still in trouble," Oz said lightly as he unwrapped the first candy bar. "And why are you wearing different clothes?"

"I didn't start the trouble, I walked into it and I kinda sorta had an accident during it." Oz looked over at him. "What? I was unconscious at the time!" Xander said defensively.

"Xander, you start trouble by walking in."

"Do not," Xander said, looking very upset. "They were already in trouble and I just walked into it. I even started to fix the trouble when I got caught by it. Janet was possessed by this little disk thing."

"And *why* did you have to be rescued?"

"Because Janet found me fixing the trouble," Xander said sullenly. "I was being good."

"Xander, trouble is innate to you. I wonder sometimes how you lasted so long without a keeper."

Xander got up and walked out, heading out to go be alone.

"I'm sorry," Oz called after him. "Come back."

"Go to hell!" Xander yelled as he walked out and slammed the door. He headed down to the jewelry stall, knowing it was still open. He walked in and slammed the stall door, heading immediately to the forge to pound something out.

"Something wrong?" the jeweler asked. Xander nodded so he let it go. At least for a little while, until Xander started pounding out something that looked like one of his hair ornaments. "Did you break one?"

"Had a fight," Xander said between blows. "He didn't see how I had managed to stay out of trouble before he came along," he said sarcastically, hitting the metal harder. "Gee, I wasn't *in* trouble before he came along. He even knew Strife first." The hammer was taken from him. "Hey!"

"You're going to break the table anvil," the jeweler said quietly. "Was this really that serious of a fight?" Xander nodded. "Your first?"

"Second real one," Xander sighed, putting the metal in to start it heating again. "The second one in about fifteen years." He took the hammer back and started to work on the small dagger again. "He really thinks I'm a trouble magnet."

"Well, things do happen to you a lot," the jeweler said diplomatically. Xander glared at him. "Sorry."

"Yeah, well, nothing much happens to me out of the ordinary. But today, well gee today, I walked in on trouble happening." He started to strike harder again. "And I was even fixing it when I got caught by the trouble."

"What sort of trouble?"

"I don't know for sure, all I know is that they were little disks. One had possessed one of the doctors on the base and she was sticking them on everybody." He gave one final blow and put the metal in to heat some more, turning to look at his friend. "I had released everybody that I could when she caught me and put one on me. So *of course* someone had to come rescue me."

"And this made your Oz mad?"

"Apparently," Xander said shortly, blowing some air into the fire to raise the temperature. "Then he got mean and called me 'trouble incarnate." Xander took out the dagger and picked up a cutting tool, slamming it down the center of the dagger to break the metal. Then he put it in the water to cool down. "Not only was he mean, but he was snide."

"Sometimes mates say or do things which displease us," the jeweler said diplomatically. "We have to get past that to stay with them though."

"Yeah, well, Oz has some *major* groveling to do before I forgive his ass." He lifted up the two hairpins and nodded before putting them back into the fire.

"Why didn't you make them separately?"

"Because I usually end up with an uneven number that way," Xander said with a faint shrug. "The guy who taught me told me to do it this way so I wouldn't lose count."

"What are you making now?" a young female voice asked from the front of the stall. "You're not supposed to be here today. Your women weren't even ready for you, you should have given us some warning."

Xander looked over at her. "This is how I wear out my anger when I and my mate fight. Only my forge at home is bigger and I usually end up making weapons, but I figure some hair pins will do this time."

"Ooh," she said in sympathy, reaching out her arms and grabbing his sleeve so she could pull him in for a hug. "I'm sorry you fought. Was it bad?" Xander nodded. "Then where is he?"

"Probably sitting at home trying to justify himself to our animals," Xander said, returning to his sullen mood. "He told me I'm trouble incarnate and he didn't know *how* I'd managed to get along without him."

She snorted. "Easily. You had other things to worry about when you were that young." She pinched him on the chin. "Now finish up my new hairpins. I'll give them to my Aunt for her birthday."

Xander nodded, going back to shaping and decorating the gift for her. The jeweler gave her a smile.

At that moment, back at the house, Oz was hanging by his throat. He never realized how tall Strife really was until he'd been picked up and held off the ground.

"Nevah, *nevah* hurt Xander like that again," he warned the immortal. "Xander is *not* trouble, *I* am! Xander may have a gift for it, but he harnesses it well enough that you don't have to deal with *real* trouble." He got a nod from his victim. "Now then, why were you bein' bitchy because Janet got possessed?"

"Um, 'scuse me," Blair said from the doorway. "Why was Janet possessed? I couldn't help but overhear the screaming from our room."

"Don't know 'xactly," Strife admitted. "Unc said it was these little disk thingies."

"Oh. Okay, I think I know what those are, Danny just ran across them in his research." He glanced around. "Where's Xander? I wanted to ask him to give a message to Jack since he won't be back for a few more days and I needed to add stuff to the shopping list."

"The forge probably," Strife said with a shrug. "That's what he does when he's pissed enough to hurt someone." He glared at Oz, who was still hanging. "And you, if I *evah* hear of you sayin' shit like that to Xander again, I'll make you sorry." He dropped the immortal onto the floor and glared down at him for a second more. "A Xander is a terrible thing to waste. Or to hurt. And when he's upset, his innate mischief genes start to take over, all aimed at *you*," he said, kicking Oz in the side. "And I won't help him either, he's a smart guy, he can make your life a livin' hell without *any* help from me." He turned to look at Blair, giving him a smile. "I'm gonna go back, wanna write it out and I'll drop it on Jack's pillow?"

"Sure, thanks," Blair said, hurrying to write out the notes. He came back a few minutes later with two folded-over pieces of paper. "The top one's for Jack."

"You're welcome," Strife said, glaring at Oz, who had wisely stayed on the floor. "I mean it, you've better grovel *real* well. I won't let Xander be hurt by you too." He disappeared, heading back through the portal.

"Ow," Oz said, rubbing his throat.

"Feel thankful it was him and not Cupid," Ares said as he appeared, pointing at the pictures. "Steve said he needed an answer and the General needs to see you two. Think you can apologize that fast?"

Oz shook his head. "No, I think this one's going to take me a damn long time to apologize," Oz said as he pushed himself up off the floor. "Oh, damn, that hurt," he said, rubbing his side. "I didn't mean it."

"Yay," Ares said, shrugging. "I don't care. Tell him that. Preferably soon. One of the warriors guarding the President kept hearing Xander's name mentioned and finally mentioned it to me. He's coming here." Oz winced. "So fix it, before *I* have to get into the middle of this." He disappeared.

"Why do they like Xander so much?" Blair asked.

"Because he's Xander. And because Jace really liked him and they all really like Jace." He twisted his head to pop his neck. "Can you hold down the fort? I'd better go spread some cheer."

"Sure." Blair watched as Oz walked out, shaking his head at the other man's back. This wasn't going to make Xander any happier. Nervous and uptight but not happy.

"You're tellin' me," Cupid said as he appeared, grinning at him. "I like you," he announced. "You're uncomplicated and normal."

Blair snickered. "I'm not, you're basing this against Xander, who's anything but normal." He winked. "But would you really have him be *normal*?"

Cupid shook his head. "Not a chance, he's too much fun. Oh, by the way, Xander is a distant relative of Strife's. Oz knew but he's never pushed it back in Xander's face before. He's a lot better than the other kids though, not nearly as much trouble as some of them. One of the top assassins is his kid, as is one of the top comedians and one of the better circus performers hangin' around in the world."

Blair nodded. "I can see the genes telling in that case. Anything I can do to help them along?"

"Yeah, become more of a buffer. Xander's missing his house again and this fight is only so bad because they're not in a normal environment. Even the animals have noticed," he said, giving a pointed look at the bed, where every animal was curled up on one side. "Xander needs a vacation from being 'on' all the time and he's not gettin' it here. Oz needs one too."

"Could Methos and Ray come back?"

"That's only a temporary measure," Cupid pointed out. "Xander really needs to go connect with his house. We found that one for him because we knew he needed a stable base." He sat down on the bed, frowning at the hardness. "Dude, this thing is like a rock."

"It's better than ours," Blair said with a smile. "Different cultural tastes."

"Yeah, I guess." Cupid stood back up. "I'd better be gettin' back. Strife's mom is looking for him and Discord is not happy at the moment." He waved and disappeared.

Blair went back to his room and thought about what he knew. Xander could cause more trouble intentionally than he did naturally, it was almost amazing to consider.

***

Oz walked up to the jewelry stall, holding out the plate of food he had gotten for his mate. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, leaning on the show platform. "I'm an ass and it shows sometimes. Tonight was one of those times."

Xander came over and picked up a piece of the vegetables, nibbling on it. "You'll have to do better than dinner. I'm still pissed."

"I know, but I also just got some information that I needed to tell you. Otherwise, I'd be doing this at home and waiting on you to come home so I could apologize in private." Xander nodded, still not looking impressed. "The President is coming for a meeting."

"Oh, man," Xander sighed. "What are our duties?"

"Probably to be a native tour guide," Oz said dryly. "He'll probably have a dinner in his honor. We'll have to attend and smooth things over with the diplomats. They're still not comfy the way we are."

Xander shrugged. "I'll make sure we have clean, appropriate clothes."

"I think you would consider it a great honor," the jeweler said.

"I do, but if I start thinking about it, I'll stress," Xander admitted with a wry smile. "I'm not the type of person he'd normally see in his daily life."

"Ah, I thought you might not be average among your men."

Xander shook his head. "No, none of us are *really* average. Daniel and Blair are really smart, they've got Ph.D.'s. The fact that we're gay is also unusual, but we were the best people for the job."

"We're all approaching average on some levels," Oz told him. "Some of us have things that are less than average." He looked at his husband. "Some of us are higher in other areas. That's the way we are. There's not really an average man."

Xander looked over at him. "You're still not off the hook, even with a romantic dinner."

Oz flipped up the gate and walked in, giving his husband a hug. "I'm sorry, Xander. My mouth and my mind had a momentary divorce and I didn't mean it. I know that you don't plan on getting in trouble. I have no idea why I said that, but I was really wrong and stupid to have not stopped myself." Xander nodded. "And I know I hurt you, but I really didn't mean to."

A little pink nose peeked over the top of the show platform. It was soon followed by a ferret kit and a kitten landing on the platform, and an adult cat standing up on her hind feet. //We need a collar,// the adult told the jeweler. //Good evening, giver of obnoxious cubs.//

"Good evening," Xander said, bowing to the adult cat. "Which one did you need the collar for? I make a very fine chain."

She huffed and nosed the ferret. //Nethisha has asked for her to be collared so tonight's diplomats aren't alarmed when she comes to dinner. A chain would be fine.//

"Xander, what do you want me to tell Hammond?" Oz asked. "I'll let you get back to work while I do that."

"Tell him we'd be honored to serve the President however. Oh, and give him an answer about the Canadian property."

"I like it," Oz said quietly. "Even if we don't have to move the house."

"Cool. He'll tell Steve. Oh, and he's got our next ...personas done."

"Good." Oz kissed him on the cheek. "I'll find a way to apologize better," he said quietly, leaving them alone. "And eat," he called as he walked away.

Xander picked up a piece of meat to nibble on, then reached down to measure the ferret's neck. "Should the collar be form fitted or give it room to grow?"

//Will it grow much bigger?// the kitten asked, her voice was higher. //Will it get big like Mommy?//

"No, sweetness," Xander said, scratching her under the chin. "Skip won't be growing too much more, maybe just getting a little thicker around."

//Then please make the collar to fit, Xander,// the adult said. //Nethisha said you would be the best to make it.//

"I'll do my best," Xander told her, going over to take out some of the metal his coworker had started heating for me. "Her neck's about this big," he said, measuring it out so the other jeweler could cut a string to length. He pulled some of the metal out and started to thin it out, making the first link in the chain.

Xander wiped his brow as he finished fitting the clasp to the collar, then handed it over. "There we are," he said, sitting down on the stool.

"Drink," the other jeweler ordered, going to put it on the ferret.

//Are you all right?// the kitten asked.

"I'm fine," Xander said, giving her a weak smile, "just a little tired and hot."

"Aren't you going to the dinner tonight?" the other man asked.

"We weren't invited. It's not our diplomats, it's the other ones that have come in for a real meeting." He wiped off his forehead. "I don't feel great."

"You're probably just worn out from all the work," the jeweler teased. Xander had made enough chain for three collars, he wanted the best for his former baby. "Go home, take your dinner with you, and relax for the night." He bowed to the adult cat. "Does that suit you?"

//It does,// she agreed. She looked at Xander. //Who wished you to ask for information about us?//

"The General who is over our stay here," he admitted. "He thinks you're fascinating, and the pink cub made it even more so. We have no species like you, not that are telepathic or as advanced."

The adult did something much like a snort. //I will talk with him, gauge his motives. Send him to us and have him ask for Lethshan.// She got down onto all fours and huffed at the two smaller ones. //Let us go home. There will be presents tonight.// The ferret jumped down onto her back and the cub dropped to the ground, trotting after her.

Xander hummed. "That was interesting."

"Yes, it was," the jeweler said, nudging him. "Go home and rest, you need it. I'll even tell your women that you're not coming in tomorrow."

Xander gave him a grateful smile. "Thanks." He picked up his plate and walked out, heading back to the house.

The jeweler shook his head, going to reclean up his work area. It was a high honor to serve the cats, but he was late for dinner himself.

***

Oz walked down the gate's ramp and smiled at the soldiers. "Hey, guys," he said, walking past them. "General in his office?"

"Yes, sir," one soldier said, looking him over. "You run into problems yet?" he sneered.

Oz stopped to look at him. "Not at all, we need to make plans to show the President around the town." He headed up to the office, tapping gently on the door. "Hey. Tell Steve we want it, we both love it, and he can take the money out of my account. Tell the President that we'd love to show him around the marketplace. Xander needs to know if he has to make a present, and I need to know where I can go to get Xander a special dinner because I messed up badly."

The General laughed. "It's never simple for you is it, son?"

"Oh, it is," Oz said as he walked in and sat down. "But my mind and my lips had a short-term divorce and I messed up badly. This is something that not even a long, romantic dinner will cure."

The General nodded. "I don't suppose flowers will do?" Oz shook his head. "I'll have Jack take you into town to get what you need." He tossed over Oz's wallet, which was kept in his desk for their shopping needs. "As for the President, he'll want a tour of the market, he'll want to try some of the food too. Have you had the chance to eat a few of the cuisines?"

"Actually, we've been steadily working through them," Oz told him, getting comfortable. "We've tried all but the five or six that we thought looked really exotic. Does he like spicy or not?"

"He's pretty well open to anything. No allergies." The General leaned back in his chair with a groan. "It shouldn't be a long visit, but he'll probably like to experience all he can."

"Is he into animals?"

"He has a farm," the General told him. "Horses and cows. He might like to see the animal section. Do try not to let one of the Marine goats eat him." Oz smiled at that. "He'll be traveling with only one guard due to security issues. We'll expect both you and Xander to be armed as his companion will be his personal assistant."

"Why not his wife?"

"Because we couldn't get her cleared. She'll be coming on the next trip, if there is one." He tossed over a folder. "That's a profile of what *not* to show him."

Oz picked it up and read it, nodding throughout. "I can do that. I'll let Xander do the tour part and I'll continue to smooth over things with the diplomats." He tossed it back onto the desk. "One of them has got to go, General. He's an ass, and he's been making snide comments about some of the cultural items." General Hammond nodded. "He's really got to be kicked in the ass."

"I'll send for them to come back for a small intelligence conference before the President goes there. Which one is it?"

"Ours. The American male diplomat, or as we're calling him future food for the goats, walked up to the Queen's first wife and made snide comments about the food they were eating, how it was primitive." The General winced. "She was very nice about it, but passed word back that she would like him castrated and hung outside as an abject lesson for the other men in the diplomatic party. It seems," he coughed, "they've been thinking that the planet is all about sex and the locals aren't liking it too much. We're making a better impression than they are."

"I'll have a word with them," the General said quietly. "They'll be reprimanded and Mathers will be removed." He wrote something on his desk calendar. "I'll send a message over with Jack to have them reappear ASAP." He looked up. "Any idea how you're going to kiss and make up?"

"Um, Godiva, a steak, a good bottle of wine, and maybe some serious pampering. He deserves it anyway, he's been working very hard."

"What about those stories?"

"We sent one back with Jack, who's sending it onto Xander's editor directly. We should be hearing something back soon." That got a smile. "Actually, he's probably got another one ready but you'd have to ask him. I know he's said he's got a few things finished, but I'm not sure if it's the stuff he's supposed to be doing or not."

"Yes, I heard about the porn from Sam." He studied the young man, who didn't look fazed. "Is that normal?"

"Xander started out writing porn and got frustrated because it all seemed the same to him. We consider it a good sign. She didn't seem to mind."

"Oh, she didn't, she passed it on to the doctors. Where it went into one of the other teams. Where it got confiscated by one of the Colonels because his man wasn't paying attention to him." He gave Oz a steady stare. "Tell him to keep it over there, son, it's not good for morale." Oz nodded. "Good. Let me send someone to get Jack up and we'll let you go out and find spoiling stuff for him. Do you have your ID?"

Oz patted himself down then shook his head, rolling his eyes. "I forgot it on our dresser. Do I have time to get it?"

General Hammond looked at his clock. "It's six, you might already be too late for some shops."

"Yes, but money can cure a little bit late," Oz said as he stood up. "Jack should have his, right?"

"He should." The General pushed a button on his phone. "Someone please get up Colonel O'Neil. He needs to go into town." He hung up and looked at Oz. "Any other problems? Any side effects from Xander's earlier exposure to the technology?"

"Should there be? We fought right after he got home."

The General shrugged. "The nice woman, Grethan, said he might be craving sweets and he might have a headache."

"The Goddess of Grief came to help Xander?" Oz asked, looking a little awed.

"She's Lissa's mother."

Oz groaned and slumped a little. "I'll need to go make an offering at her temple in thanks. Maybe she'd like some chocolates too." He sat up as the door opened. "Hey, Jack. I've got to run into town, you're driving."

"Sure," Jack said, grabbing the list the General held out. "Does this have Blair's new items?" He got a nod. "All right, let's go." He led the way out.

"You have your ID, right?" Oz asked quietly. "I forgot mine at home."

Jack patted him on the back. "Blair told me about the fight. Where did you need to go?"

"Good chocolates, decent wine, and maybe a few good steaks. And anywhere else that might have good presents to make up for my stupidity."

"I know just the place," Jack said cheerfully. "Got your wallet?"

"Yeah." Oz followed him up to the surface, heading out to get something to make it up to Xander.

***

Oz dragged his bags through the doorway. "Come get your crap," he called, dropping most of it by the door, bringing his and Xander's things up to their room, the special treats carefully nestled in his arms. "Hey," he said as he walked in. "Can I start the makeup process?" Xander nodded listlessly. "Headache?" he asked as he sat beside his husband on the bed. "I brought you Godiva, the ones you like. And a present for Grethan."

"He told you?"

"He told me after he asked about you." He stroked over the soft but firm stomach. "I also brought you a real dinner and good stuff for later." He handed over the large package and went to put the rest of their things up, coming back once he saw Xander sipping a glass of wine and nibbling on a caramel. "Are they okay? No one's ever tested how the really good food comes across the portal." He slid onto the bed, pulling Xander to sit against him, opening the box with the steak dinners. "May I feed you?"

"Please," Xander said quietly, accepting the first bite. "It's still warm."

"We got it last," Oz said, kissing him on the head. "I know I've been craving steak so I figured you might be too."

Xander nodded, giving his husband a smile. "Not even Godiva and a good steak will get you out of trouble."

"But it's just a start," Oz told him, kissing him again then feeding him another piece. "I stopped in at a special store that Jack took me to to get you more presents, but those have to wait until you've eaten."

"Aren't you eating with me?"

"I'll nibble while you eat," Oz agreed, picking up a piece of steak to eat before feeding one to his husband. "How did the collar making go?"

"I made the best one I could, so there's some extra chain lying around." Xander flipped onto his side, rescuing the glass before it could tip into the chocolates, and put his head on Oz's chest. "The mommy was pleased and she wants to talk to the General when he comes up. I'll introduce them."

"Good. He'll probably be up in the next few days, before the Prez comes up. Oh, I told him to tell Steve to buy the land. I also reported the problems with the diplomats."

Jack stuck his head in. "I heard Hammond's name mentioned. Oh, and there's a kitten downstairs."

"The General said we couldn't bring any porn back over there, you might want to tell Sam, she's been spreading it around," Oz told him.

"We have porn?" Jack asked. "As in real porn? Not those 'arousing' stories you showed me?"

"Some," Xander admitted with a small smile. "I'll tell Sam she can't spread it around." He rubbed down Oz's thigh. "What was this store?"

"It's a surprise for later," Oz said, tapping him on the nose. "No fair asking him to spoil it." He fed Xander another piece of steak.

"Tell the General that I've gotten him an introduction with one of the cats. She's willing to speak with him to see what his intentions are."

Jack looked impressed as he leaned against the doorway. "Good. I'm sure he'll be happy. He finds them really fascinating."

"I told him about the pink cub," Xander told him, smiling. He stole the bite from Oz's fingers. "So, the next time he comes up, he needs to come and see me so we can go talk to the cats. Lethshan is one of the lead cats."

Jack nodded. "All right, I'll tell him. When is the President due?"

"No firm date yet, but we'll be showing him through the marketplace." Oz stole a piece of broccoli to eat. "I also talked to him about the other diplomats." Jack nodded. "You're going back?"

"I've still got some stuff I've got to do in training the new team. Need anything else?"

"We've got everything." Xander looked up and mouthed something, and Oz slapped himself on the head. "We need lube."

"Use the oil," Daniel said from behind Jack, sticking his head in. "Where did you guys get steak?"

"I had to get something to make up for my stupidity."

"Oh." Daniel looked at Jack. "Get us a steak before you come back? We'll wait for a few days."

"Sure," Jack said, patting Daniel on the shoulder. "Just the one for you?"

"No, one for me too!" Blair called. "I'll beg if I have to."

"No need," Jack called back. "It'll be a few days local time though."

"Hey, I'm a patient man, dreaming about it will make me stronger," Blair called, then his door slammed.

"That one oil, the light green stuff, is very good for lube," Daniel shared, then he went to go check on his lover.

Jack shook his head. "I didn't want to know that much. Anything else?"

"More wine?" Xander suggested. "And more chocolates, I need some more."

Jack sighed. "All right. Oz, wallet?"

"I left it in your locker with your extra jacket," Oz told him, eating another piece of broccoli. Xander pulled his fingers down and ate the rest of the stalk. "Sorry." He picked up a piece of broccoli and fed it to his mate. "I could use some munchies too."

"Oh, yeah, Doritos," Xander said happily. "And Cheetos, I've *got* to have some Cheetos."

"I'll see if I can sneak some across," Jack sighed. "Anything else?"

"Tell Steve that I want to see him soon," Xander told him.

"Send up the kitten," Oz told him.

"Sure." He left them alone.

Oz looked at the doorway as he heard quiet steps on the stairs. "Hello," he said as the kitten walked in. "We're sorry we made you come up here, but we're making up after a fight."

"You're telling everyone?" Xander asked. Oz nodded. He smiled. "Okay." He looked down at the kitten. "How can we help you, pretty one?"

//May I play with your ferrets? I'm bored.//

"Sure. They're downstairs in the big room that I use to practice, on the first floor. Should we call Nethisha to tell her you're here?"

The kitten sat down and stared at them, then sneezed. //No, she knows. I'm going to go play.// She stood up and trotted out.

Oz picked up the communication device beside the bed and rang their sponsor, who answered but was putting on some earrings. "We just got a little furry visitor," he said. "She said you guys knew but I thought I'd make sure."

The First Wife shook her head quickly and looked behind her. "Lethshan, did one of your cubs leave the palace?" She got an answer and smiled. "It's one of our orphan cubs. Did it come to play with the ferrets?" Oz nodded. "All right, we'll come get her later. Please tell her not to come home alone as there's been trouble lately in the market." She hung up.

Oz gently put Xander down and went down to talk to the kitten. He came back a minute later. "She told one of the guards but not anyone else. She's agreed to stay until someone comes to get her." He slid back into the bed, stealing a piece of chocolate to eat. "Still hungry?" he asked, picking up a piece of steak for his husband to eat.

"Yeah, I kinda am," Xander admitted, then he sucked the piece off his husband's fingers. "What is the surprise?"

"If you're ready, we'll move to that now." Xander looked up at him. "Really. I can always put your steak aside for later." His husband nodded so he closed the container over the steak dinner and put it aside. If no one else ate it, he'd eat it for breakfast. Then he grabbed the extra bag from beside the desk. He pulled out the candles inside, the special oil, and the powder. "Let me go get a washpan and cloth and I'll be right back," he whispered, heading down to Sam's room. He remembered to knock first, and she grunted. "I need the pan and a cloth."

"That's cool," she said, waving at the bathroom. "Anything from the General?"

"No more spreading porn," she frowned at that. "And the President is coming."

"Oh," she said, looking surprised. "Already?"

"Yup, already." He walked in and ran some water into the small copper pan she had brought across. "Thanks." He carried back to his room, putting it beside the bed. "You ready?" Xander smiled sleepily. "If you want, I can wait."

"I can't," Xander told him. "I do have a headache, this'll make me feel better." He put his head down and relaxed as Oz climbed onto his back. He made his purring noise as the powder was poured onto his back. "What is that?"

"Corn silk powder. It's supposed to feel really good." He rubbed it in little circles, working it into Xander's skin slowly, wanting this to be good for his mate. They needed this. They really could use a vacation, but he would take this. "What did you want to do with the new land?"

"I want to build a wonderful house that makes me feel like the one in Sunnydale does," Xander said quietly, his eyes closed. "I felt really great when I was looking at it. I want to go look at it soon."

"We'll try," Oz agreed, relaxing. "Maybe have a few days at home?"

"I'd love that," Xander admitted. "I would *love* a day at home." He opened his eyes and turned his head, smiling at his lover. "Do you think we could arrange that?"

"I think so, I'll try my best," Oz told him, leaning down for a kiss. "Is the powder good?"

"I'd like it a lot better if it was on my neck," Xander suggested.

"Let me wash this off the both of us and I'll give you a scalp massage," Oz said, reaching for the washcloth he'd brought in with the water. He rang it out then started to slowly wipe the soft skin clean. He heard a moan and smiled. "Want more of this?"

"I'd love a hot soak," Xander said quietly.

"We did find the individual tubs downstairs. We could go share one."

Xander shook his head. "I don't want to move."

//Xander?// a small telepathic voice.

"Yes?" Xander asked, looking at the door. "What's wrong, little one?"

//They're all napping.// She padded in and jumped up onto the bed so she could look at them. //I'm bored.//

"What can we do to help with that?" Oz asked, reaching over to scratch her behind the ears. She sent him a mental purr. "Like that?" She leaned into his hands. "What else can I do to make you unbored?" he asked, giving her a smile.

//Just do that,// she told him, leaning into her petting. //I wish I had someone to do this all the time. The others have mommies but mine died.//

"I'm sorry," Xander said, reaching out to pet her too. "Maybe you could ask the other mommy cats, or a grandmommy cat, to pet you."

//But they all have cubs.//

"Then what's one more that needs attention?" Oz suggested. "It wouldn't hurt to ask."

"I tell you what," Xander said, pulling her over for a hug. "I'm going to be bringing someone over to see Lethshan in a few days. Should I ask her to look out for you?"

//No. She's *very* busy and can't be bothered with us cubs.// She looked over at Oz. //Can I come back often for more petting?//

"Anytime," Oz told her, stealing her back to pet her some more. He smiled at Xander. "I'll pet you in a few minutes."

//I didn't mean to interrupt,// she said, starting to struggle.

"You're not," Xander soothed, running a hand down her back. "You're not interrupting anything. Oz can always pet me later." She relaxed. "Would you like to play with some of our kittens' toys? I know we've got a few up here somewhere."

She got free and searched the other side of the bed, coming back with a few fuzzy mice and a jingly ball. //What do you do with these?// she asked, after dropping them in front of Oz.

"Well, most of the cats bat the mice," Xander told her, picking one up and teasing her with it. He laughed as she batted at it, stealing it away to bat across the bed. He laughed. "See, you know what to do with those."

Someone cleared their throat from the doorway and Sam walked in. "What's up? I heard one of the cubs was here." She waved at the little cat. "Hello, pretty one, what's your name?"

//Sacryn. My mommy named me.//

"It's a very pretty name," Sam replied, reaching out to pet her. "May I? You look like you have very soft fur." Her fingers were sniffed and licked so she sat down to pet the little cub. "You do have soft fur," she said, pulling the cat into her lap to stroke over it's back and play with it's ears. "Are the ferrets all napping?" The kitten looked up at her. "They seem to do a lot of that recently. Maybe the daddies should get a vet to look at them."

"There's none up here that can," Oz told her. "We talked to some of their vets and they didn't want to hazard a guess without some reference works."

"We can ask the General," she suggested. "I know the Army has vets because they still have a horse cavalry unit."

"We already did," Xander told her. "No luck. Short of breaking security and bringing a vet...."

"We'll have to bring one up sometime for the education stuff," Oz reminded him.

"Yeah, but that isn't for at least a year," Sam sighed, switching her petting to a scratching. The kitten stretched out and let her pet it all she wanted. "Maybe we can get one here without telling them where they are," she suggested. "It might work."

"Bringing them blindfolded through the mountain and across the portal will probably make them wonder," Xander said dryly. "We could send them back for a moment and let someone there do the vet visit."

Oz shook his head. "No. I don't think that'd work real well. The vet would ask about things like diet. Maybe it's the stuff we're feeding them. We did switch them off ferret chow almost as soon as we got up here, they might need some vitamins."

"They do have veterinarians who specialize in strange and unusual animals."

"But they'd have to dissect them," Xander said quietly.

"Babe, they use a scanner, like on Star Trek, they wouldn't have to dissect anyone." He stroked down the side of Xander's face. "We can ask and be there to make sure if you'd like, but I do think that it's time for them to get a checkup." He gave him a deep kiss. "Can I ask?"

"Sure," Xander sighed, leaning into his mate's touch.

//Those two groom each other a lot,// the kitten snickered.

The couple looked over at her, both shaking their heads but smiling. "Not really, Sacryn. I've groomed him more before but Sam wouldn't want to watch us do that."

The kitten huffed and then stood up and jumped off the bed, heading over to look out the door. //Someone's here.//

"We're up here," Sam called.

The kitten scampered back as Daniel walked up and to the doorway. "Hey." He looked at the cat. "Did we adopt another one?"

"This is one of the Queen's cats, she came over to play with the ferrets but they're all napping," Xander explained. "Her name's Sacryn."

"Like the sweetener?"

"Well, she is very sweet," Sam said with a smile. "Can he pet you?" she asked the black purring lump in her lap.

//Men aren't like that,// the cub told her, looking over at Daniel.

"He's Dessie's daddy," Oz pointed out.

//Oh, okay then.// She stretched her neck up. //You may pet me.//

Daniel walked over and let her sniff his hand, then gently scratched her behind his ears.

"Aren't you allergic to cats?" Xander asked.

"But not to them for some reason," Daniel said with a smile. "I was supposed to tell you two that Steve will be on base in two days, local time."

"Our local time?" Oz asked. "The General doesn't usually give us our local time."

"He did this time. He knows that we're starting to become acclimated." His smile got brighter. "And, and," he said, holding up a finger, "we are getting a vacation right after the President tours. One week at home."

Oz and Xander smiled at each other. "Good," Oz said, nodding. "We could use some time at home."

Xander nodded. "I'd really like some time at home. And maybe going up to Canada and picking out the spot for the house?"

Oz nodded. "Sounds good to me." He reached over and gave Sacryn a long stroke down the back. "What else would you like to do?" he asked her. She just sent him more mental purrs, apparently very comfortable right where she was.

***

Xander bounced into Steve, giving him a hug. "Hey. So, how is it?"

"It's going well," he said, settling the younger man into a seat next to him. "What did you want to do with the houses? There's a new tax coming up and your rate's going to be going up by a very high percentage."

"Is that because of what we have?" Oz asked as he walked in and sat down.

"It is, but Sunnydale's also raised their taxes recently, there's been a business come in and it's sending people running from the town."

"Any way around it?" Steve shook his head. "Then I guess we'll have to deal. What about the house in Canada?"

"It's just a log cabin." Oz looked confused. "There was a small house found on the land, it's a small log cabin, one of those one-room ones. We did a thorough check and no one's ever owned the land so we're guessing it used to belong to a hunter. It's in such bad repair that obviously no one's used it in forever. I did have Ray dream up his dream house to put up there," he said as he pulled some papers out of his pocket and put them on the table.

"It looks like his condo in Vancouver," Oz said, looking down at the plans. He looked up. "We both love the house in Sunnydale. Any chance of getting something like that?"

"There is actually," Steve said with a smile, pulling out a brochure. "This is a very old building but they've just lost the lot to taxes. They're looking for a buyer who will be willing to love it wherever they move it."

Xander looked at the small house, smiling at the simplicity of the design. "I like this but it's not big enough just for us and the animals."

"Ah, then there is another option," Steve said, pulling out another brochure. "I'd like your permission to move that first house anyway, it's a beautiful old building and deserves to be preserved."

"Sure, go for it, where to?" Oz asked.

"You do have over a hundred acres in Canada. You could use it as a guest house if you wanted."

"Point," Oz agreed, leaning over to look at the pamphlet his husband was salivating over. "What's that?"

"It's a rich people auction." He put it down to let the other two look at it. "It's got a few houses in it, furnished even."

Oz took it to look over. "Hmm. Rappers who spent too much and went broke once their string of luck ran out?"

"Some, some are tax seizures. Some are even from the ungrateful offspring who don't like parents taste in houses." He leaned back. "There's a few in there that I would love to own. And one that I would love to redecorate and resell because what they did to the gracious old mansion is nearly criminal."

"Pictures?" Xander asked. Steve pulled out an envelope and tossed it onto the table. "Only the good ones?"

"All of them, with a note about Ray's feelings on the houses." Steve looked around the meeting room. "How's things with the animals? Ray wanted to know."

"The ferrets need a checkup, they're getting lethargic," Oz told him. "Fortunately, I have found a vet that is willing to look at them for us, but she'd like some references about diet and the like."

"Your ferret care book be good enough?"

"It might be," Xander agreed absently, sorting through the houses. He smiled at the one comment that simply said, 'ICK', passing that one to Oz.

"That was the one I wanted to redecorate," Steve said dryly. "Ray and I both wanted to tear off some of that tacky and gaudy crap so it could be fixed." He caught one of the pictures Xander tossed down. "We both loved this house though. The outside has nothing on the inside."

Oz took that stack to look it over, holding up the picture of the full wall of glass windows. "Do you miss these sort of windows?" he asked Xander.

Xander looked over and shook his head. "I hated cleaning them." He looked over at Steve. "Speaking of cleaning. How's Henri and D'Nalia?"

"They're in Florida. Both are fine. Henri has all but decided to retire soon, she's waiting until you guys get back though. It seems she's getting paid for some minor dusting and playing with the boys so she's really happy," he said with a smile. Xander grinned. "The boys are both fine, getting very tall now. They're seven in a few more days."

"Did we remember to get them a present?" Oz asked his mate.

"I got a few and put them away the last time I had the chance to go shopping," Xander said, stopping at one picture. He opened the comment letter, then shook his head. "Too small."

"Let me see." Oz looked at the pictures, then shook his head too. "A two bedroom house, Steve?"

"Sorry, that's mine," he said, snatching them back. "Ray must have gotten them mixed up. Are there *any* there that you like?"

"There are a few that I like the looks of," Xander admitted, sorting them out into piles. "These," he said, touching the left pile, "are ones I'd like to walk through. All my favorite houses have given me tingles." He leaned back and looked at his friend. "Any of them feel like the Sunnydale house to you?"

"Just that first one I showed you," Steve sighed. "You know you're impossible right?" Xander nodded. "I understand it and all, but big mansions aren't really on the market right now. Everyone that wants one has one and the rest are smaller houses."

"We could do one with about eight bedrooms, that'd be enough room to convert some of the rooms," Oz suggested, taking Xander's hand to hold.

"We could," Xander agreed, but he wasn't happy. "I know that there's a perfect house out there for that property."

"There is," Steve agreed. "I could try looking overseas."

Oz shook his head. "That's like rape to me. I'd like to see the old gems stay in their old country as a visible history."

"The house in Sunnydale was moved over from Ireland," Steve pointed out.

"We know," Xander told him. He looked at his husband. "What about one that would be torn down otherwise?"

"Where?" Oz asked carefully.

"That small one we saw on the drive up to your buddy's our first trip to England."

"Xander, that's another tiny house."

"No it wasn't," he argued. "I looked it up, it's on the endangered list. It's got a full library, a large living room, and five bedrooms, plus assorted living and drawing rooms downstairs."

"If we could find something like that, then yeah," Oz agreed. "Otherwise we'll have to build."

"I wouldn't mind that," Xander admitted. "But there's a few things in the old house that I'd like to fix. Like the way the kitchen's set up irritates me."

"I can find you guys a building program," Steve suggested.

"Bring that one house up there if you really think it'll fit," Oz told him. "If not, ask Methos, he has some lands somewhere."

"Was that first one a transplant too?" Xander asked.

Steve nodded. "From England. It started out as a small rectory house and got expanded into a foundation for the study of the paranormal."

"Giles," they said together.

"He was most pissed with them," Steve told them dryly. "He called them amateurs and cheap imitators."

"Yay," Oz sighed. "We could always move them to Sunnydale."

Steve shook his head while Xander snickered. "No, you don't want to move anything to Sunnydale right now. That new business is wrecking some things. Sunnydale is not what it used to be."

"How long have they been there?" Oz asked.

"About a month and a half. The State ignoring the town has really come back to bite them on the ass this time. Even the people who didn't want them there suddenly changed their minds. Now they're all sorry."

"Is it that bad?" Oz asked.

"It is," Steve told him solemnly. "Unfortunately, I'd really like to move the Sunnydale house just to get it away from there." He shrugged. "We'll figure out a way to fix it."

"Sunnydale has a way of biting things it doesn't like on the ass," Xander said wisely. "If it's hurting the town, it'll fix itself. It fixed a few buildings before, every time they started to build it fell down. This will be fixed soon enough too."

"If you say so," Steve said. "So, what about that first house? It'll have to be moved."

"I'm not sure. Where is it?"

"St. Louis. Ray wanted to move it to Chicago. He said plenty of strange crap happened up there." He stood up. "There is one other thing," he said, pulling a note out of his back pocket. "Micah insisted you see this, Xander." He handed it over. "It's in demon."

"Wow," Xander said, smiling at Oz. "There's a new hellmouth on the west coast. In Cascade."

"What?" Steve asked, snatching the note. "What says that?"

Xander took it back and went word by word. "This will interest some of you," he said, skipping around in the sentence to put it into English order. "There has been a new hellmouth, actually the literal word is portal to hell, that has opened. I know you know people from there and thought this information might better come from you. The new hellmouth is in Cascade, Washington. It's very small and not very active," he said, going on. "It's not called anything major to it but the newest girl is there now. She's very mouthy but an idiot and we're looking forward to meeting her next incarnation." He shook his head. "I wonder if he means that literally."

"Which? That the new girl is stupid, which we've seen, or that he's looking forward to her next incarnation?"

"That the new girl is sleeping with a member of the T'dranth line." Oz looked clueless. "Blue, eight feet tall, has slime sacs under it's three sets of arms, smells worse than the garbage dump."

"Eww," Oz noted.

"My feelings too." Xander looked at the note. "It says here that they haven't had a large influx of vampires yet, but they're not really expecting any. Micah said that the weather wasn't going to make them very happy. They don't like rainy cold places apparently."

"Yet a lot of them live in London," Oz pointed out.

"Most of them moved from London if possible," Xander told him. "Back in the day, every vampire that could beg or steal the money moved away." He looked at Steve. "It could be worse, it's not half as bad as Sunnydale's is at the moment."

Steve shook his head. "I didn't want to know that." He sat down again. "What should I do with the Canada property?"

"Leave it for now," Oz said. "I want to go up and look at it before we make a decision on a house."

"Set up that one house as a safe house if you want to," Xander suggested. "Or turn it into housing for college students."

"The books come with it," Steve noted.

"Then put it near a college that has a parapsychology degree and let that department know that we'd be open to taking renters," Oz told him. "It's only fair and it'd pay for itself."

"Plus the reference works. But please have Richard go through them to make sure nothing in there will hurt an innocent student."

"But if someone else *really* wants the house, let them have it," Oz added. "I figure that places like that draw others like us to them." He released Xander's hand as the door started to open. "Hey, Blair. Got news on Cascade from Micah."

"Which means it won't be good," Daniel teased as he walked in.

"There's a new Hellmouth in Cascade, but a minor one," Steve told Blair.

Blair sat down and stared at him. "Really?" Steve nodded. "With all the strange crap and our level of homicidal maniacs I would have thought we already had one." Steve shook his head. "Shoot, that blew my theory." He snapped his fingers. "Any other news from home?"

"Darryl graduated college in December, he's going to Rainier for his Masters too. He's doing Social Work."

Blair nodded. "He'd be a fair one. Much better than some I've seen." He looked over at Oz. "How about the new house?"

"We want to look at the property first," Oz told him. He nodded at Jack as he wandered in. "How's the new group going?"

"They're green, they're arrogant, and more than ready for a fight. Teal'c and I have nearly broken them in but only a real-life emergency will finish it off. Their first mission will either kill half of them or they'll come through and settle into their positions." He took a seat near Daniel.

"Why did you get that assignment anyway?"

"Easy, I'm moving up in the ranks again," Jack said dryly. Daniel's face fell. "It would have to happen sometime, Danny. Most of us are getting old and shouldn't be the field all the time anymore. Sam's going to be moved up too, being put over the Sunnydale base, which I'm very glad I'm not going to have to deal with."

She shook her head. "I don't want it."

"Hammond's going to be retiring soon," Daniel guessed. Jack nodded. "What about the rest of us?"

"You and Blair are still going to be able to go into the field, but I was going to move you both to the 'lets be friends' team. Teal'c has recently been named an ambassador to his people in the resistance."

"We're all moving up?" Blair asked.

"Yeah, I know better than to separate you two. You work better together, back each other up very well." He stood, as did the other military members, as General Hammond walked in. "Sir. We were just talking about future hypotheticals."

"I know. I heard." He smiled at his team. "How is it going?"

"Just fine," Oz told him. "We forewarned Queen Nethisha that our President would want to come up and take a tour and talk to her. She was pleased." He looked up as the portal opened. "We're all here," he noted.

"Sir, you'd better come down here," a panicked voice called over the loudspeaker. Then it coughed and calmed down. "General Hammond to the Portal Room, ASAP."

General Hammond got up and headed down, followed by Jack. They came back a few minutes later and Jack was carrying a familiar young kitten, giving it ear scratches.

"Sacryn," Xander said, jumping up to get her. "Why are you here, sweetness?" He sat down, letting her rest on the table so she could be petted by Oz too.

//I was bored,// she sent. //So I got to bring the message.//

"What message?" Xander asked.

"Can she broadcast to all of us?" General Hammond asked, his eyes glued to her face. "You are very beautiful, little one."

She mentally purred to them all. //I'm supposed to tell you that the veterinarian has come over and she needs a reference book but she did say it was probably dietary. And the Queen would like to see the General this week, your time.// Her purring got louder. //Oh, and I'm supposed to ask the Xander if he would be so kind as to move his dance up by one day because another diplomat is coming and they'd like to see it too.// Her purring took on an air of smugness.

"I can do that," Xander agreed. "General, want to come with us when we go back?"

"Yes, I think I would. I still haven't seen all the diplomats so I should probably go fetch them directly." He smiled at the cat, holding out his hand for her to sniff. "May I pet you also?" She wiggled down the table, putting her head into his range. "You're very soft."

"They all are," Oz told him. He looked at Steve. "Can you get us a book?" He got a nod. "Thanks. And these," he said, passing over a list.

"Oh, and more chocolates," Xander said with a smile. "They have something similar but one of the candy makers wants to compare the two, so pure chocolate and good treats for us please."

Steve laughed. "Sure. Anything else for anybody?"

"I need some silk threads," Xander said, looking at Oz. "For the new outfit."

"I could use some of the natural silk to compare with the weaver I'm working with. They're starting to get very interested in our things and how we make and use them."

The General nodded. "All right. Xander, did you need anything from home?"

Xander sighed. "I've been wanting a few of my stones. They would look *perfect* one some of the newest metal I'm being taught to work in. It's pitch black, has the same consistency as platinum, and is purely for decoration purposes."

Oz patted him on the hand. "I'm sure we can find something else."

"No, it would be good to have a few backups, just in case we need a quick money exchange," Sam pointed out, pushing some of her hair back behind her ear. "It's not like we carry iron bars. Jewels are pretty universally exchangeable."

Oz shrugged. "That's a good reason." He looked at Xander. "Which one were you thinking of?"

"I have a killer piece of obsidian that I'd like to plant in that new metal. And I want a few diamonds. My women are very interested in them, they've even pulled off my ring to look at it."

Daniel snorted. "Did you have to fight to get it back?"

Xander frowned at him. "Why would I need to fight my groupies, Danny? They're all interested in having me make their promissory rings. That and chains."

The General shook his hands then went back to petting the little darling. "How many do you have now?"

"I've lost a few when their families objected to how much jewelry they were buying," Xander said with a grin. "They'll be back once they're not grounded. They're all young, of marriageable age, and all very good at teasing Oz about stealing me."

"A few aren't teasing," Oz told him. "A few would snatch you if they could get away with it." He looked down the table. "When is the Prez coming?"

"Three more days, your time." Oz nodded. "He does want a tour of the market, so that'll be your job, Xander and Oz. Daniel, you and Blair be ready to step in and help him understand any local customs. Sam, you and Jack are going to be working as ambassadors. Which there will be a few less of once I get up there today." He smiled at Sacryn. "Little one, I'm sorry my hands are giving out."

She lifted her head. //I know, but that's okay. Can I nap here?//

"Sure," Xander told her. He looked around. "We wouldn't be saying anything that she shouldn't repeat, right?"

Jack shook his head. "Not at all. We'll be announcing the President's schedule. Did you want us to spread the news that he's coming, sir?"

"Please," the General said, still smiling. "Were there any questions?"

"Sir," Sam asked, "I've been asked if I wanted to learn their form of math. I want to, but I thought I should ask first."

He nodded. "Feel free. Part of the reason we're there is to learn from them. Having them offer is a very good sign." He looked at Xander and Oz. "Have you two been offered any educational opportunities?"

"Nope," Xander said, shaking his head. "I've been offered to take lessons with the pros but that's probably not what you want or what the government wants to hear about."

"That would be true," General Hammond said dryly. "Jack?"

"Sir, it's widely known that I still have trouble with the language. I'm looked at very favorably for trying so hard."

"All right then. Doctor Jackson? Doctor Sandburg?"

"We're both in very well with the Social Science department at Park School, one of the major schools, but they don't make a distinction between the fields. We're working with a group of eight and ten-year-olds, who are about at our level as Ph.D.'s," Blair reported. "Their first year of school is like our freshman year of college. They suck up knowledge like *nothing* we've ever seen."

"That's true," Sam agreed. "I'm working with a four year old prodigy, but it's not that extraordinary as his father's into computers." She looked a little unhappy. "I've been allowed to check out their school program. It's all on computer and individually paced with an artificial intelligence running the main classes but teachers checking over its shoulder. The kids start officially when they're eight, but before then they spend time absorbing knowledge like there's nothing else in the world. They even go on a wander period when they're younger, during which they figure out where they fit into the world."

"They're genetic relatives of the cats like Sacryn, and it's not that far down the line as there's still animal characteristics in their lives," Daniel told him. "They're fully walking within a few hours of birth, and able to talk semi-intelligently by the time they're six months old. They go on 'wander', and that is what they call it, when they're around two. During that time, most children keep asking the question 'what do you do'. This is how they learn the roles of society."

"And this is acceptable to all of you?"

Oz chuckled. "I had one come up and ask me, and a guard came running to explain it to me when I was shocked that the little girl was alone. Together we explained what I do to her. She thanked me politely and wandered on, the guard trailing her."

Blair nodded. "I've met a few. They like to come into the library because the women who run it keep snacks for them. There's a tradition that no one can interfere with a wander, but everyone is expected to help. Even if they're caught in the middle of a war zone, all the Queen has to do is make a formal request to the Empress and they'll be getting that child back and it had better be unharmed or the offending party will rue their very lives."

Xander smiled. "I had one come up and ask me, he was very thrilled when I let him hold a warm chain. The jeweler I work with pulled him aside and asked him if he would like to learn from him. The kid's been in a few different times."

"And this is how they decide what they're going to do?" General Hammond asked. Everyone nodded. "I see. I'll make a note of that in my report so that we won't interfere with one of them." He looked around the table again. "Anything else of note?"

"I think I'd like to take the President around with Oz playing guard," Xander told him. "Oz spends some time working with specific groups, but so do I, so we should do that together and switch off. Do I need to make a present if Nethisha doesn't have one?"

"No, I think she'll have one," the General said with a smile. "Anything else?" No one said anything. "Then Mr. Ellison will go and fill the shopping list."

"I need more litter," Xander told him. "Splitting ours with the Queen and one of the guards has taken nearly all of ours. Get three or four bags this time and we'll give each ferret one." He stood up. "I dance in a few days so I'll be working downstairs." Jack grunted at that. "I won't make you watch me do a final run through this time," he teased. He and Oz walked out, after getting a hug and promising to be back in a day, earth time.

General Hammond picked up Sacryn and followed everyone back to the portal, walking through with them. He smiled at the guard on the other side. "She fell asleep after giving us a message," he explained at the dirty look. "We're taking her back to the palace." The guard let them pass and most of them went home, all except Oz and Xander. They walked up to the palace's gate and stopped. "She had a message that said I needed to come," the General announced.

"Sacryn," the guard sighed, reaching over to pet her. "She's napping?"

"She fell asleep after being petted," Xander explained. "Lethshan said to introduce him to her also."

"Lethshan and most of the other cats are in the garden. The Queen and First Wife should be nearby," the guard said, pointing the way. "Just walk toward the throne room and walk past it. Ask if you get lost." She let them pass.

Oz stopped to talk to her. "Where's our diplomats? He's here to beat them severely."

She nodded. "Thank you. They're all down in their house, under arrest now. One of them propositioned a woman and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. A guard had to come break them up."

"The German guy?"

"No, the American one," she told him.

"I thought Mathers was gone."

"The woman."

"Oh." Oz nodded. "I'll tell him. I'm going to follow them." He jogged to catch up, nodding to the women he passed. "The diplomats are under house arrest," he announced as he caught up to them. "Florence wouldn't quit hitting on a local woman and a guard had to step in."

The General groaned. "I'm going to beat them all," he promised.

"Hopefully not the cat," a little voice said from a side hall.

Xander smiled at the little boy standing there. "No, not the cats. Our diplomats. He's here to make them all behave or he's going to make them go home and send decent people. Is your mommy in the garden?"

He smiled. "Ris is in the kitchen tasting food. Mommy mommy is in the garden with the kittens." He went up on tiptoe to look at the cat the old man was carrying. "Hi, Sacryn. Would you like to play?"

//Sleepy,// she sent him. //Later.//

He laughed. "Okay. I have Skip and Dorthensan."

"What does that name mean?" the General asked.

"It means 'bringer of more trouble than even six kittens'," Queen Nethisha said as she walked up to them. "I see someone did make it through," she said, scratching the back of her kitten's head.

General Hammond looked at her. "I'm bringing them home and I'm going to get new ones, ones who will understand the importance of their job," he promised. "I'll find a way to punish them at home, even if I have to have them put in jail without a trial and lose the paperwork."

She nodded. "I will want a report of what was done to them."

"At the least, they'll lose their jobs with the State Department," Xander told her, looking serious. "They won't put up with this. They'll send someone higher this time, someone with more experience, to make up for the others' bad behavior."

She smiled. "Good. I like that." She waved a hand. "Shall we?" She looked at Xander. "You also as Lethshan wanted you to introduce them." She smiled at Oz. "When is your leader coming?"

"Three days, local time," Oz told her, taking her arm to walk with her. "We plan on bringing him to our house and briefing him on his schedule. Then we'll take a long tour of the market so you can handle your household for the morning and get everything ready, that way no one has to get too upset and lose things." She laughed at that. "Then we'll bring him up personally and present him."

She nodded. "I like this idea. Will you be feeding him in the market?"

"We will," Xander agreed. "We hear he wants to try some of the different cuisines. We'll let him nibble his way through the food area."

She reached back and pulled him closer. "And your dance?"

"I would gladly move it up a day," he agreed. "I have it almost perfect."

She wrinkled her nose but she was smiling. "Xander, as long as it was as arousing as the last one, no one will care if it's perfect, as long as it's not noticeable." Oz laughed at that. "You tried to tell him?"

"I have," Oz agreed, smiling at his mate. "He wants it to be perfect though."

"I don't want to be a disappointment," Xander told them both. "There will be other diplomats there and I want to make a good impression on them too." He nudged the Queen lightly. "Much like I did to you the last time I danced for you."

She burst out laughing. "Yes, you did make quite an impression on me!" She turned to look at the General. "My wives and husbands were quite happy with me that night, we were all very happy after he was done."

"I've been told it was quite good," the General said kindly, nodding at the doorway. "Oz, could you open that? She's fallen asleep again."

"Sure." Oz walked ahead and got the door, holding it open for them. "Relax," he said quietly. "Sex is a necessity for their life. There's a very fine line but we do know where it is." He walked in after the General. "So, M'lady, how may I amuse you today?"

"Tell me more about this television system," she requested. "You actually *rate* them?"

The General put the kitten down on a cushion, there were other kittens laying on similar ones. "We do," he told her. "That's how we decide things like advertising and the price of the commercials."

She looked at Oz, then at the animals. "I will leave this to you while we stroll." She led Oz away.

Xander looked serene as he sat down on the ground. "Come sit," he offered. "It's not going to hurt, right?"

"No, son, it won't hurt. I don't have arthritis, I'm very lucky to be healthy that way." His breath caught as a bigger cat walked up to them. "Is that her?"

"No, that's one of the caregivers." He bowed to her. "Sacryn satisfactorily delivered her messages and we brought her back for a nap."

There was a snort. //She shouldn't be trusted to such important matters. She's just a cub.//

//Leave her,// another cat said as she walked out of the garden. //I sent her because she is comfortable around these humans.// She sat in front of Xander. //Is this him?//

"This is him. Lethshan, this is General Hammond. Sacryn was quite pleased with his petting, she fell asleep as soon as his hands stopped." He looked at the General. "This is Lethshan, one of the lead cats. She's one of the higher females and leads the local family group if I'm not mistaken?" he asked her.

She snorted. //That's my mother. I'm working up under her and slowly taking over as she's aging.// She shifted so she was sitting in front of the General, tipping her head off to the side to consider him. //You will do. You mean us no harm.//

"No, ma'am," the General said, bowing to her. "I would never harm a sentient being if it wasn't trying to hurt me first."

Lethshan purred. //Good, this pleases us, especially when it comes from a man of war.// She looked at Xander. //The animal doctor is here with all of your animals. We decided to join the groups together.//

He smiled. "Thank you. I have someone getting the reference books she asked us for." He stood up. "Is she around here?"

//She is in the solarium. Metcana, lead him please,// she ordered the older female.

Xander fell to his knees in front of her and leaned closer. "Before I go, I need to ask something," he said quietly. "Sacryn came to us the other night because she was bored and stayed because we petted her. She said she missed being petted and groomed because her mother had died. She said you were too busy for cubs, but could you maybe find her a mother or grandmother type to look out for her? I can see her easily getting into trouble without one."

She looked at him, then nodded. //I will. I will take a personal interest in her upbringing as she has proven herself very clever. Thank for telling me of this.//

"It won't get her in trouble?" Xander asked, clearly begging.

//No, it won't,// she said, nudging him with her nose. //She was too scared to speak up, I will make sure she has no need to worry or go wander for attention.//

"We don't mind petting her for hours," Xander said with a smile. "I thought you needed to know though." He stood up and left, following the other cat.

Lethshan looked at the General. //You are confused?//

"I was told that you are a protected species."

//We are, but there are ever idiots who would see us as the ultimate trophy because we can out- think and we fight back. Recently, such has taken out most of a family pack. Sacryn's mother was one of the ones that survived long enough to kill the hunters and call for help from a passing ship. Fortunately, it was a Marine and they were saved. Her mother died on the trip here though.// She looked over at the little cub. //I should have seen that she still needed the strictest attention from a mother. I will adopt her into my family.// She looked at him again. //Do your people do that?//

"Some do," he told her. "Some people do adopt other's children, but there's always more children than there are parents, and our rules are strict enough that sometimes parents can't get children."

//Then who takes care of them?//

"Our government makes sure that they have what they need to survive. We do the best we can in a system that's not designed to take care of that many children. That's another thing that we're working on."

The cat purred at him and leaned forward, nudging him with her nose. //Good. We like species who take care of their cubs above all else. Cubs are the most important or else you die off and are forgotten.// She tipped her head. //Come, let us find a shady spot to sit and talk. Sacryn, come with us,// she sent to the cub, who was lying there watching them. //You will be staying with my cub tonight and from now on. I had thought another was taking care of you but apparently I was wrong. I'll bite her tonight,// she sent in an affectionate tone. The kitten jumped up and walked over, rubbing up against her side. //That is enough. I will groom you while we talk with this human.// She stood up and led the way to a shady spot, the human and her new daughter following her.

***

Oz walked into the solarium, stopping when he saw the one kit laying motionless on the floor with a woman bending over it. "Please tell me that one's all right," he said quietly. "I promised my mate that you wouldn't have to dissect any of them."

She looked up with a glare. "That is a barbaric practice."

"Forgive me, my lady, but we're not as technologically advanced. Our medical studies have relied on that to get where we are today." He walked in and sat down near his animals. "Is that one all right?"

"It's fine," she shifted and he could see the small round object in her hand. "I'm checking her for a litter."

"I think she's fixed," Oz told her. The vet looked up at him. "We're presently over populated so we chose which animals we would want to breed. None of the ones born up here are fixed but half of the older ones are."

She nodded. "A wise way of doing it when you have too many." She sat back and scratched the moving stomach. "This one is quite healthy, and she isn't...fixed?" Oz nodded, telling her the word was right. "She's carrying two kits. Do you have those books?"

"I sent someone to get them for us. We'll have them in another day, earth time."

"Are they restricted?"

"No, they're hard to find," he said with a slight smile. "Ferrets are considered exotic pets. Not many of our veterinarians take care of them. Plus, our friend is getting some of their usual food, I asked him to on our shopping list. That way you can compare."

She nodded. "A good plan." She looked at the cats and dogs taking a nap too. "Are they usual pets?"

"Yes, though most people don't have both types. Most people consider themselves dog or cat people."

"Cat?"

"Those," Oz said, pointed at Fluffy's son, the reason there was a pink cub somewhere in the palace. "We call the feline ones cats and the canine ones dogs."

She shook her head. "More unfamiliar words. I should work with my English more often." She scratched the ferret's belly again. "This one is very cuddly."

"It is. It likes to wear our female team member's bras too."

She laughed. "I have heard stories about the one ferret in the guards barracks. My student takes care of their Groltn."

"Groltn?" he asked.

"The small creatures that certain officers have riding with them. They smell bad things."

Oz nodded. "We have canines that do that at home." He got comfortable. "Do you have any idea what we're doing wrong?"

"It does look like it's dietary. I'll know more when we get some of their food." Something beeped and she looked up. "Yes?"

"There was just a shipment passed through the portal and the man named Jack is coming this way with a large bag."

"He must be bringing more litter and the food," Oz explained.

"I'll show him in then." The voice went away.

Oz looked over at her. "That's neat."

"You don't have address systems?"

"Yes, but usually they're reserved for places like schools and big places like that. The one we have at our house isn't that clear."

"You have a large house at your home?"

"We do. The animals have a room full of toys and climbing equipment. We brought what we could of it. They wander around our house all day and nap in that room as it's set up for them."

She nodded. "A wise choice with this many animals." She looked over at a bark. "What?"

The dog got up and came over carefully, sniffing her as he went.

"It's all right, Perry, she's a good vet." He reached out and scratched him, and the dog thumped his tail on her leg. "This is Perry, a son of our original dog," he pointed at Rocky. "We're keeping a member of hers and the mommy ferret's line for as long as possible."

The vet smiled at that. "It is obvious to me that you love your animals very much."

Oz looked down as he felt a creeping sensation in his lap. "We do," he agreed, petting his kitten. "I rescued this one from an alleyway. She's really my cat. Jedi and Rocky are both Xander's animals."

She nodded. "I figured he would be the true father as none of them jumped up when you walked in." She looked toward the door as Jack walked in. "Is that the book and their food?"

"It is," he said happily. "The rest is at the house. I brought two of the four bags of wood shavings for the two here." He sat down, patting the dog that came up to him. "Hey, Soldier. How's it shaking?" He handed over the bag. "There's litter, two books, and the biggest bag of ferret chow Steve could find."

She smiled. "Thank you, this will help us quite a lot." She pulled out the food and used the little tube to scan it. "Ah, not a vitamin, but a mineral." She opened the bag of food and poured some out, and the ferrets all came to life. They watched as there was a rush on the food. She smiled at Oz. "We have these little black shells that has the same mineral, but it doesn't taste very good. You should probably stick with importing food for them."

"What about the others?" Jack asked. "The cats are in heaven because the maids leave them wet food all the time."

"They're healthy, but the substitution isn't as great as it could be. We have different minerals in our water and air. We're missing one of the ones that they apparently need. You should stick with a mixture of the two to be safest." Jack looked confused. "That way they don't have a bad reaction suddenly to our chemicals. We meet on certain levels but not on others. I'm worried that one of the ones in our water may start to affect them if they go strictly on human food."

He nodded. "Okay." He looked at Oz. "I'll make sure we get a honkin' big bag of cat and dog dry food."

"We go through one of those every three weeks," Oz told him. "Get two, they're small and we have a lot of animals."

Jack laughed. "You just realized this?" Oz shook his head. "All right, so a stockpile of animal nuggets. Anything else from the pet stores?"

"We need new fuzzy mice," Oz noted. "And a thing of catnip." He looked at the cats. "And she needs another squeaky newspaper as Blair shredded ours."

Jack nodded. "All right, I'll go commandeer Steve and we'll head back to the pet store. He waited to get everything else until we did this part." He stood up. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, don't get anything latex, Xander's allergic to it." Jack frowned. "What?"

"I've seen condoms."

"They make non-latex ones," Oz told him dryly. "He's highly allergic to latex."

"Okay." Jack nodded as he walked out. "I've still got your wallet."

"Good, I want about sixteen pounds of chocolate," Oz called after him. "Hershey for me. Another ten or so for Xander, and make his Godiva or the expensive stuff. He likes the smoother chocolates. And nuts! I'm craving them."

Jack stepped back into the room. "Peanuts, other nuts, or mixed nuts?"

"Yes," Oz said with a smile and a nod. "I really like filberts, but yes, all of that is good."

"Geez," Jack sighed as he walked away. "You'd think those guys never ate."

"Oh, Jack," Xander called, running to catch up with him. "Please, man, I'll beg for junk food."

"Oz just asked for nuts and chocolate."

"Which is great, but I'm a chip person." He ran a hand down his arm. "Please, Jack, and some cheese? Colby or some sort of cheddar? And tortillas, not the chips, the flat flour ones. The ones with the *good* texture."

Jack just nodded and walked out. "We don't have a refrigerator," he reminded Xander as he walked away.

"We will by tonight," Xander told him. "Or the local equivalent. I just got a commission." He went back to the Queen to discuss designs.

In the solarium, Oz shook his head. "I won't see him for days," he sighed.

***

General Hammond looked up as Jack walked in with three bags of cat food. "What's all that for?"

"The vet over there said she wanted them to start eating part human, part their food." He dropped the bags onto the chairs.

"We're stocking up for an emergency?" Hammond asked.

"Oz said they go through one of these every three weeks."

"Oh." He shook his head. "One bag at a time. We'll store the rest here. Anything else?"

Jack shrugged. "We've got a large food order. Xander and Oz are both craving stuff." One eyebrow went up on his superior. "Nuts, chocolate, chips. Cheese."

"Cheese? I would have thought they had some local equivalent."

"There is but Xander's stomach doesn't like it. He spent the next day bringing it back up the one time he ate it. And apparently we're getting a refrigeration unit because Xander just got a commission."

General Hammond sighed. "All right. Store the pet food in the room we set aside for their stuff. Bring everything else across. Maybe we'll get them hooked on our cheese, that should export well."

"Before I forget, we ran into Ray in town, so that means his partner's not far behind."

"I'll think about it," the General said, going back to his paperwork. "Dismissed."

Jack heaved the bags back up and went to store most of them. Then he could go have a long soak. Maybe he'd have Steve help him through the portal, that wouldn't *really* be a breach of protocol.

***

In the White House, the President of the United States leaned back and considered going out to grab a cigarette, but then decided against it. It was almost time for him to deal with the upcoming visit he was going to be making, cleverly concealed by a trip to a few military bases. The briefs were about to be delivered in the daily interoffice mail.

"Sir?" Josh asked as he came up to the door. "I just got the most unusual brief and I wanted to make sure this wasn't a joke," he said from the doorway.

"It's real," President Bartlett said quietly. "It's also has the highest security classification." He looked at his Assistant Chief of Staff and waved him in.

"Sir," Josh said as he walked in and closed the door. "If this is real, then should we expect Jedis next?" That got a smile. "Really, sir, how are we sure this isn't a prank that made it through the system?"

"I talk to the General in charge of this program every two days, and he's been running this unit for over five years now." He sat up but the second door was knocked on. "You might as well come in," he yelled. "We're talking about my trip now."

"Leo, this is real," Josh said.

Leo nodded. "I've taken a few of the reports while the President was out of town. Are you sure you won't take at least one agent with you?" he asked his boss. "It could be dangerous. Are these civilian diplomats going to be able to protect you?"

"First, not all of the diplomats are civilian, some are military," Josh said, flipping through his brief. "Second, where do I know the name Xander Harris from?"

"He's an author. Wrote some horror novels a few years back?" Leo said, suggesting he should know that.

"How is a horror writer a diplomat?" Josh asked.

"Sir?" Charlie asked from the doorway. "The rest of the staff is here about your trip also, would you like to see them too?"

"Please, and come in too, Charlie," the President said, waving him in. "All right. Let's get this over with."

"Sir," the Press Secretary asked, "why are you going to visit military bases? It was asked if there was a specific reason, like a shifting of our military strategy."

"There's not, it's a cover for a short trip to visit a very special project," the President told her. "But they can't know that so I'm visiting to assess our present strengths and see if we need to shift our focus." She nodded. "Anything else from your end?"

"Do I want to know where you're going?" she asked.

"No."

"All right, thank you, sir." She left.

Josh waited until the door was closed. "You're going without your bodyguards?"

"He is," Leo said, getting comfortable. "This project has the highest security clearance. The Harris guy and his husband happened on it some other way that was never explained, and were included as they're the best at massaging egos. Also, Harris has written a sex manual, some pornography, and is an accomplished metal craftsman."

"He also routinely carries a sword," Sam Seabourne noted. "A few years back he got into a fight in a Miami club with some people trying to kidnap him and took them on with his sword, reported as a katana." He looked at his boss. "Sir, if this is real, what else is?"

"I don't know," the President said gently. "I plan on finding out though."

"Maybe one of us should go with you," Josh suggested.

"I'm going," Charlie told them. They looked at him. "I know I don't have the security clearance, but I am his assistant. We'll be meeting with a Queen, a few diplomats, and then be coming home."

"How are you getting there?" Sam asked. "We don't have a space program at that level yet."

"Gentlemen, there are projects within the military that none of you know about. It was told to me that the only reason I was told was because I was the President." They all looked surprised. "It is so top secret that none of us in this room qualify to know except because of our jobs." He looked at each of them. "I'm going to break that now to a slight degree. We have a portal to their world, some sort of gateway. We've been looking for friendly entities for the last five years." That got a small nod from Josh. "We've also managed to find an extreme enemy and have successfully defended ourselves against them twice." That got a nod from Leo. "In addition to this particular friendly species, there's a whole Empire that they're part of. They're highly advanced both socially and technologically."

"In my brief it did have something that wasn't so advanced," Josh said. "It said they have slavery as an alternative to the death penalty." He shot a glance at Charlie.

"It's a deterrent," Charlie said lightly. "It's not based on race, only on crime?"

"As far as any of our diplomats have been able to find out," the President assured him. "It is an alternative only and it's used about as often as the other two alternatives. They have a very low crime rate." He smiled at Sam. "They also have telepathic cats."

"Telepathic cats?" Leo asked, looking skeptical. "That's not average."

"No, but it's their genetic ancestor. They're a protected species and the Queen I'll be meeting with has a breeding place and safe haven for them in her palace."

"They have ferrets now too," Sam said. "Xander Harris is known for his animals, especially ferrets. I did a check on him when I saw the unfamiliar name." He got up to pace over to a window. "Sir, I'm worried. This is a totally new situation. What if they take offense at the fact that you're a man?"

"They know," Bartlett said.

"They do?" he asked.

"They do," Leo told them. "This has been in the planning for a few months now. We've been slowly moving up on the subject." He smiled at the President. "You'll be going over with a few of the new diplomats." The President nodded. "Have you figured out what you're going to talk about?"

"Well, the General said that he and Queen...what's her name, I don't remember at the moment, talk about the military, about how socially we're working towards the point where they are, and with the cats he talked about children." He smiled. "I'm sure we'll be able to find some neutral ground. All the reports said that she's very anxious for this to work out."

"Are you bringing a gift?" Josh asked.

"Definitely. Charlie, what am I bringing her?"

"Something not very delicate, sir," he said respectfully. "With cats and possibly ferrets, but definitely kittens, I would suggest something unbreakable or at least not fragile."

"Good idea," Leo said dryly. "A statue?"

"They do appreciate art," Josh said, flipping to another section of his brief. "Um, this sexual thing? Has that been a problem?"

"Only for the diplomats," Leo told him. "Mr. Harris, his husband, and the military part of the team have had no problem acclimating." He looked at his boss. "A music box? I doubt we have similar music styles."

"That's a good idea. Charlie, please get me a music box."

"What price range, sir?"

"Any, I don't care. Just don't make it cheap. Maybe wood?" Charlie nodded and stood up. "Is there any word on my official schedule?"

"Yes, sir. We depart and head to the Harris and Military's quarters to get up to speed on any local customs. Then Mr. Harris and his husband are taking us on a tour through the market, Mr. Harris' husband has dealt more on the diplomatic end for things like trade goods and monetary exchange and Mr. Harris works in the market doing his metal work. After that, you'll meet with Queen Nethisha, I think that's how it's pronounced, and we'll have a small meal as we'll be expected to nibble in the market." He handed over the fax. "Directly from General Hammond."

The President looked it over and nodded. "That sounds good and unstressful. Has Mr. Harris' husband picked out where I was going to go?"

"A grand tour, sir, each one showing you their own area. The only question was whether or not you'd like to go see the animals too, not the cats but their food animals."

"I wouldn't mind the comparison. It would be strange to find our own cows and pigs up there."

"No, sir, from what I hear it's a goat the size of a cow and it's a carnivore." Charlie nodded at the others. "Anything else you need from me?"

"No, thank you, Charlie." The President waited until he was gone. "Goat?"

Leo smiled. "General Hammond shared an anecdote the last time we talked. The Air Force Colonel that's over there said that the goats reminded him of a Marine grunt. They're calling them Marine Goats. Apparently one's tried to eat Mr. Harris' husband when they went down there to look at them."

Josh stared, his mouth open. "They eat a goat that would eat us?"

"Mr. Harris' husband suggested that they started out of self defense." Leo stood up. "I can't convince you to take a guard with you?"

"No, I'm sure I'll be fine with two members of the Air Force, and Mr. Harris." Leo shook his head and walked away. "Josh, did you have any other objections?"

"No, sir, just some disbelief."

"Then go back to work. The State department will have a full briefing for you later about the new diplomats and the problems that the old ones had. I hear we're sending over the professional ones now."

"Sir," Sam asked, "what do they know about Earth's political structure? Are they going to be upset that you don't speak for everyone?"

"No, the diplomats have been very good at filling in the Queen on our current political alliances. When we formally set up diplomatic missions with them, their first embassy will be here and they'll start working with the other world leaders at that time. We're creating a safe haven for them to work from for now."

He nodded. "All right. Do I need to have anything ready about this?"

"No, actually, Mr. Harris' primary job is to record some of their tales and put them into the popular media. We're going to soften the blow that way."

"They're coming soon?" Josh asked.

"We're thinking another year before they'll officially visit us here. This is more of an informal meeting. Mr. Harris is trying to get them interested in more of our goods for trade, while the list of their things keeps growing. Especially since they have a water additive that eats germs and bacteria."

"It does?" Sam said, looking a little surprised. "That would be a wonderful thing to have. Think of all the problems we have from bacterial infections. Is it potable?"

"It is, your system will clean itself out rather quickly when you do," President Bartlett said with a smile. "We're trading iron with them because the additive eats it or something." He looked at his two staff members. "Anything else?"

"Are we importing food?" Josh asked.

"There's a few food items on the list, most notably some treats. One's mildly addicting from what I understand, it was compared with a good brandy's taste addiction-wise in the reports. The other is some sort of sap that only grows three places but is sinful to the point of being willing to spend a week's salary on a single piece."

Josh smiled. "Let me guess, Mr. Harris got those on there?"

"The Air Force Captain had them both put on the possible list," the President told him with a smile. "It seems that she liked it enough to rename it and spend a day eating it. I'll be bringing back a few pieces to analyze and try out. That goat may not be on the list, I'm not sure yet."

"Sir, a goat that reminds a military man of the Marines may not be the thing that farmers are going to want to raise," Sam noted. "They're probably very hard to raise, not that I know that much about raising cows or even regular goats, but Marine-type goats would probably be harder."

"Maybe they'll march in the field," Josh suggested.

The President laughed. "True, but if it's a good source of meat, maybe they'd be good to be export. Even hard to raise would be put up with if it solved a few countries food shortages."

"Good point," Josh said, getting up and leading his coworker out.

President Bartlett got up and went out for his cigarette. He wouldn't say it but he was just as worried as his staff. A sword against people who had God-knows what sort of weapons?

***

Xander checked out his outfit, then nodded and went to stretch. Perfect, just like he had planned. His bells were perfect, just the right sort of soft tones. He stretched his arms first, up above his head, then outward. Next came his legs. He felt a small twinge, but nothing unusual.

Oz walked in and held him as he stretched out. "Ready? Everyone's here."

"Sure." Xander got a hug then bounced a few times. "I'm ready. Is the music ready?" Oz nodded and he went out to the stage. He nodded at Oz to start the music and got into his first position. He started off on a long, slow, stretching sweep of his arms, then they went around him. He felt the twinge again, but that was expected too. His leg had been twinging on him for weeks now. He moved along with the dance, his hips getting into it now. The twinge came again and he shifted his weight slightly, going into an improvised third move. He heard a snap and mentally frowned but went on. As he twirled, his hands running over his chest, he felt a bigger twinge, this time a ripping pain, and a louder snap. Then he felt himself be tackled. "Ow," he noted, his eyes closed.

"Did I hurt you?"

Xander shook his head. "My thigh," he whispered. "Bad pains as I spun."

Oz climbed off his husband, sparing a glance for the backdrop that had come down, going to check his leg. He frowned as he felt the tear. "Xander, you ripped a muscle."

"Is that why it hurts?" he said lightly. "How long?"

"Babe, you still have bruises from practice today," Oz said, looking at Xander's inner arms. "You're not healing." He stood up. "Um, M'lady, I believe we could use a physician."

"No, I'm fine," Xander grunted, forcing himself to stand up. "I'll be better in a while, it's just a cramp." He glared at his husband. "I'm fine."

Oz walked in front of Xander. "You haven't been healing at *our* rate," he whispered. "You can't go on."

"I will, I promised."

"You can do it later," Oz pointed out.

"Oz."

"No! You're not healing. If I nicked you right now, you would bleed just like every other human. I don't know why, but you're not healing right. If you continue tonight, you may be on crutches for *months*."

"I'm healing, Oz. These bruises aren't that old."

"When was your last practice?" Siblinth asked as she walked onto the stage.

"Earlier this afternoon," Oz told her, "and he normally heals much faster. This *twinge* in his thigh wouldn't usually give him any trouble but it is now."

She nodded. "We'll put it off until he's better. My mother has already said so because we need to find out who cut the backdrop." Both men looked at her so she pointed at the mass of fabric. "It was cut. Those noises were it being cut. The guards didn't manage to catch them though." She walked over to the fabric. "This would be so easy to trap you in," she told Xander.

Xander shuddered. "All right, I'll put it off until I'm better." He turned to look toward the audience. "I'm sorry, M'lady, but my mate feels that the twinge in my thigh is worse than I think and your daughter made a very good argument for me putting this off until we find out who cut the backdrop."

Queen Nethisha walked up to him. "I know that. Really, you don't have to justify yourself," she said, patting him on the thigh, making him wince. "Just a twinge?"

"I've had it for a few days now," he said lightly.

"M'lady, do you have the number of the doctor who looked at him last time? I forgot to write it down," Oz told her, sitting beside his husband. "He's stubborn."

She nodded. "You don't have to justify yourself either." She frowned at them both. "I thought we were becoming better friends."

"Yes, Nethisha," Xander said, nodding at the other diplomats, "but we don't want to give them the wrong idea. We don't want to seem impertinent or too forward."

"I thought forward was a direction," she said, looking at her daughter.

"They don't want the other ambassadors to think that they're currying favor with their bodies," her daughter said bluntly. "All their group go back to very formal any time that an impropriety might be seen." She patted Oz on the head. "Don't worry about it, mom likes you. She thinks you're...what's the human word.... neat."

"I'm sorry, Nethisha," Oz said, giving her a small frown. "I didn't want to get in trouble."

"It's all right," she sighed, patting them both on the leg. "I'll send over our doctor to look at him." She helped Xander down onto the floor, steadying him as he wasn't putting any weight on his left thigh. "You really are hurt," she said with a frown. She stared him in the eyes. "Did you know this was that bad?"

"It's been a twinge on and off," he admitted weakly. "It's never been this bad."

She kissed him on the forehead. "We don't want to see you hurt, Xander, we could have waited another night."

"I think this has another cause," Oz said, frowning at Xander. "When did you hurt yourself during training?"

"Not since last week, and then I turned my knee," Xander told him, frowning. "It's not hurting at all."

"Xander, you've been limping since last week," Siblinth said, sitting on the edge of the stage. Her mothers looked at her. "What? I watch him every few days. He's been limping for a while now." She kissed Xander on the cheek. "It was cut from above and the guards found a piece of jewelry."

"His?" Oz guessed. She nodded. "Gee, honey, you got a stalker," he said dryly, taking his husband into his arms. "Nethisha, may we please borrow one of your carts to get him home? He can't walk."

"Of course," she said, lightening up. "Will this inhibit your tour tomorrow?"

"Not at all," Xander told her. "We have a tradition of these things called crutches. We use them to help us walk when we hurt ourselves." He smiled at her. "I am sorry, but I will make it up to you." He gave her a hug. "Thank you." He let Oz help him out of the auditorium.

Siblinth looked at her mother. "It could be worse," she noted. "They could never have relaxed around you."

Nethisha sighed. "I know, but it hurts when they suddenly switch back to formal. Friends aren't supposed to do that to each other."

"Maybe you should have Mommy explain that to them," Siblinth suggested as she slid off the stage and hugged her mother. "They're much more uptight than some species, but much less formal than a few." She frowned at the ambassador still sitting his seat. "Um, Ambassador Thoren, the dancer has been badly injured between his tackle and a strange muscle problem. We'll be rescheduling it for when he's better."

The ambassador stood up, showing himself as one of the 'Conan' guard's race. "I will come back then. If you would show me where my son is?"

"Of course," Nethisha said, motioning for one of her husbands to lead him. "Thank you for your patience." Once they were alone, she smiled. "That was a nice save of my temper. Maybe I should send you to their planet when it's time."

"I would be honored," Siblinth said with a grin. Her mother groaned and nudged her. "Sorry." She ran off, going to check with the guards.

Nethisha shook her head as she went to call her doctor for the boys.

***

President Bartlett walked through the portal and smiled at the people waiting for him. He saw the crutches and shook his head. "Having problems?" he asked as he walked down the stairs.

"Small muscle rip," Xander explained. "I had a problem last night while I was dancing." Xander shook his hand. "Mr. President, I'm Xander Harris and this is my mate, Richard," he said, using Oz's last identity. He shook the assistant's hand. "Ready to go back to our house?"

"Sure," Charlie said, looking back at the gate. "Does that stay open?"

"Partially open," Oz told him, leading the way to the platform. "We could walk but Xander is just stubborn enough to do it." He got on, letting Xander brace against him. "Sorry there's no seats but it's only about sixteen blocks." He lifted off slowly.

The President yelped and grabbed on. "It flies?"

"It does," Xander said with a grin. "Some sort of floating air. Doctor Carter, who is a physicist, said it was some sort of air jets when she dumbed down the explanation for us."

The President nodded. "Handy skill to have." He looked at the houses. "This is a crowded city. How many to a building?"

"Each building in this section is for a family unit; the average family has two wives and one to two husbands, plus about three children," Oz explained as he landed in the lot beside the house. "Okay, we're here." He led the way off, letting Xander hop on ahead. He looked at the President. "He's very hyped about this, but he is stubborn. We'll be going slower so he can keep up."

The President nodded. "All right. I like to stroll anyway. My daughters marathon shop and I could never recover fast enough." He let Oz walk through the door first. "Oh, animals," he said, looking down at the dog staring up at him. "What's your name, sport?" he asked, reaching down to pet it.

"No offense, but the owner who gave him to us named it Asshole and we can't rename him," Xander said from the stairs. "He won't answer to anything else." The assistant looked at him. "Really, it's just how he's stuck. We usually call him Hole and he occasionally responds." He forced himself up. "Let me warn you before you sit down, these seats are meant for eating in and you'll get stuck."

"Everything else of a sitting or sleeping nature is hard," Sam said as she came down the stairs. "Sir, welcome to this planet, whose name we still can't pronounce. I'm Doctor Carter. Doctors Sandburg and Jackson will be right down, they're fussing with their ferret." She smiled at the assistant. "Is there anything technical I can help you with so far?"

"How did that cart fly?" Charlie asked.

"You flew them?" she said, hitting Oz on the arm. "Those things aren't safe, there aren't any seats or restraints." She looked at him again. "As far as we can tell, it's all due to magnetic lift and forced air jets that force liftoff. At least that's the short explanation. I can give you the technical one if you want, I've been *dying* to do it."

"No thanks," Charlie said. "I'm not that much of a technical person. Getting my VCR programmed is the highest I try to go." He looked at the stairs at the sound of little running feet. Xander got out of the way. "What's that?"

"Ferret stampede," Sam said, pulling him out of the way. All the ferrets went stomping past, running for the kitchen. "It's feeding time," she explained. She put a hand on his chest before he could move, waiting out the kittens and the dogs. And the one telepathic kitten. "Sacryn, when did you get here?"

"She decided to sneak in and play with the ferrets really early this morning," Xander explained, heaving himself up. "Let's sit down. BLAIR! THEY'RE HERE!" he yelled.

"The entire neighborhood heard you," Jack noted as he walked in. He watched as Xander flopped down onto one of the marshmallow chairs. "Sir, if you sit, we'll pull you back up." He handed a box to Oz. "Here, yours. It was downstairs." He headed toward the garden, he had left a book out there and it looked like rain.

"Thanks," Oz said, pulling a chair over to sit next to his husband. He called something out in the native tongue. "I told her to bring drinks and small sandwiches," he told them. "It'll tide you over until we can get into the food stalls."

Blair and Daniel ran in, chasing their ferret. "Come back, Dessie, you need the collar," Blair yelled. "We'll lose you otherwise."

"I can tell Dessie apart," Xander called after them. "Dessie," he said, taking a piece of meat from the tray the maid had brought in. "Feed them first," he said, pointing. A little furry body jumped up and tried to get the maid. Xander fed her the piece he had. "Here we are," he told Daniel.

Daniel leaned down and clipped on the collar. "Thanks." He picked up his ferret. "Sorry, sir, but with eighteen of them in the house now we have a problem telling ours apart. We wouldn't want her adopted out." He flopped down into one of the chairs on Oz's side. "With that, you use the bread to pick it up and eat it. There's no real eating customs, though you will find some people who talk with their mouth full."

"Oh, yeah," Blair said as he walked in, sitting on the edge of his boyfriend's chair. "Other than that, the only real thing you have to remember is not to smile."

"Not smile?" the President asked as he tried the meat. "It doesn't taste like goat," he said, looking at his assistant. "Try it, Charlie, you have to expand your horizons."

"Yes, sir," he said as he picked up some of the meat with the bread and ate it. "Not bad," he said once he had swallowed.

"We think it would be great with some Italian salad dressing," Xander told him, digging into his breakfast. "'Scuse us but I need to nibble or I'll pass out."

"He's been working on his dancing," Oz said, patting the edge of Xander's chair. "He's been wearing himself too thin." He picked up some of his own snack. "Eat, drink, the tea's not the stinky tea, it's really decent and Indian."

The President smiled and shook his head. "You've managed to make yourself at home and import things?" He sipped the tea, then grabbed some of the bread to eat.

Oz sipped his tea. "Hmm, left it in too long," he said as he put it down. "Sorry."

"That's okay, it was a shock after the meat."

"It can be," Daniel agreed, smiling at Charlie. "Don't worry, we don't violate norms. You might want to not look down certain aisles to the left side of the market, the Prostitution Temple is over there." Charlie choked. "It is legal here, they need sex to live, it's as much a need as we have for food. There's a whole temple devoted to it. The women and men also teach the young so they're knowledgeable when they're of age. Oh, and this society is polyamourus, they have spouses of each sex and many of them. Our direct sponsor is the Queen's first wife."

"How do you say her name?" Charlie asked.

"Nethisha," Xander said. "Oh, and she yelled at us last night because we became too formal again. Friendship means that they loosen their social restrictions." He put aside his plate and grabbed his tea, gulping it because he saw a royal messenger heading their way.

"It's strong," Oz warned.

"That's fine, it was salty." Xander gulped his tea then forced himself to get up by flipping onto the floor and grabbing his crutches. "I'll be back." He hopped off.

Oz shook his head. "He's having a hyper day."

"Am not," Xander called. He opened the door and accepted the message. "Thank you," he said, bowing and closing the door. He walked in, reading the note. "Nethisha wants to see them just after midday. That's in about three hours earth time." He handed Charlie the note. "Eat, you're going to need it. The food is on the other side of the market from here and it's nearly two miles long." Charlie started to eat again and he smiled at the President. "What can we fill in for you, sir?"

"This just seems very casual for a diplomatic mission."

"We're the backup diplomats," Blair said with a smile. "We're actually here to learn about the culture and to smooth the lay of the land between the official diplomats and the Queen." He looked down as one of the dogs walked up to him. "Yes? What is it?" he asked her. She sat and barked, going up on her back feet. "Very cute, but you know better than to beg from me."

Oz tossed her a piece of meat. "She's improved. She used to jump into Giles' lap when we ate."

The President smiled. "I had a dog that used to do that too, my daughter trained her that way."

"No I didn't," Xander said when Oz opened his mouth to blame him. "She used to jump into my lap when I nibbled while writing." He looked at the other couple, then checked his watch. "Sam, Jack's coming back."

She groaned and forced herself to get up. "Excuse me, sir, but I have to go help Jack intimidate the new diplomats."

"How are you doing that?" the President asked.

"We're going to start out with the 'congratulations, you're on a planet where the people before you got put under house arrest because they couldn't see the difference between a biological necessity that doesn't include humans and a sexual urge' speech," Jack said as he walked in. "Doctor Carter, don't you think you're a little underdressed?" he asked, taking in her breast cups and two-panel skirt.

"No, I thought I'd give them culture shock, this is the standard dress of the native culture. They're going to be seeing it every day."

"You'll be able to see who stares," Blair pointed out.

"See who's going to be trouble," Daniel added.

"Good point," Jack sighed. He looked down at his fatigues and t-shirt. "I feel overdressed, but let's go." He bowed to the President. "We'll be seeing you at the snack time," he said, then he followed Sam out of the door.

The President looked at the boys. "I didn't want to say anything, but that's really how the women dress?"

"Some dress more like Xander," Blair said, "but that's really more men's clothes and they're probably immigrants from what we can tell. From what we've seen in the current catalogs, Doctor Carter's outfit was standard for most of the Empire."

"This Empire, how far does it stretch?" Charlie asked.

"Well, there's a small issue there, but it won't be for at least a century," Blair told him. "Danny found something the other day, a treaty with a race that's on the other side of us."

"But Nethisha has said that the Empress is not going to make any comments yet. It seems we've got a ways to go before our full admission into the Empire is even offered as a first step."

"Can we refuse?" Charlie asked.

"You can," Xander told him. "There's six planets that have refused that are within the boundaries of the Empire. They tend to sit back and watch as emerging cultures develop, gauging who gets invited and who becomes a protectorate."

"In other words, if we refuse when it's given to us, we'll still be officially a part on their books, but we'll be protected from anything coming to us from the associations?" President Bartlett asked. Oz nodded. "What things do we need to change?"

"Massive social changes," Blair told him. "Equality issues, problems with some of the Middle Eastern countries over their treatment of women."

"This is a matrilineal society," Daniel added. "The men here are basically at the same level women were for us in the fifties and before."

"Except the men are supposed to be highly educated," Oz pointed out. "They're supposed to be knowledgeable and smart, able to converse. Like women from the top finishing schools are and were."

Bartlett nodded. "I can see that. Is there a change coming?"

"The Empress has stated that any man who wants it may work with full equality," Daniel said seriously. "She didn't force the issue, just stated that any man who wanted to could apply for things like the military, or even to work in the courts. It's a big step, there's still planets that haven't complied yet and it's going to have to be enforced by force."

"There are male dominated societies," Oz added, "one of them is represented here by a guard and has an ambassador here for a visit."

"They're at the level of Conan," Blair put in.

"They're also the men that were sent away from here so that the planet would know peace," Daniel added. He glanced at Xander.

"I'm fine," Xander sighed. "Not even a residual headache."

"If I may ask?" Charlie asked.

"To take nearly all the men out one night, they had these disks that made men quiescent," Blair told him. "A few were found and were looked at back at home. Unfortunately, when the doctor had gotten stumped, she put one on and the disk changed her personality to one closer to the women who managed to send away the men. She put disks on most of the men on the base, including Xander who was over there to get ferret litter."

"Oh." Charlie nodded. "Hard on you?"

"It was," Oz said, giving his husband a gentle look. "He had a horrible headache for days. Some minor aches, a major craving for chocolate."

"That hasn't gone away," Blair teased.

"And *who* was in my Hershey's stash last night?" Xander teased back, smiling.

The President smiled at them all. "It's easy to see you're friends."

"We were before this," Oz agreed, smiling at the other couple. "Daniel's taking sword fighting lessons under myself and Xander. Blair and Xander share an association through a group. We were pretty good friends for a few years before we got here."

"Is that why you were chosen?" Charlie asked.

"No, Xander was chosen because he can charm people into giving them the planet," Oz said dryly. "I'm here because I'm the money half of our family. They're here," he said, pointing at the other couple, "because they're social scientists and they're here to study and learn. The same as Sam is."

"Jack's just a slave driver and an alternate diplomat," Xander added.

The President laughed. "Good. It's good to know that all the roles are filled." He looked around the room. "If I can use the facilities, we could start the tour."

Xander hopped over and held out a hand. It wasn't taken. "Trust me, you can't get up without one. Not unless you roll onto the floor. These are their eating chairs and there are special waiters who are just there to help you up." The President took his hand and he tugged him up. "Bathrooms are back through the archway and to the right."

"I'll show him," Oz said, getting onto the floor and standing up. He helped Charlie up. "Come on." He led the way back.

Xander waited until they were alone. "Did we forget anything? It feels like we did."

"Remind him about the smiling thing," Blair suggested. He heaved himself up, the only one of them that could do it, and helped his boyfriend up. "We'll be up in the library at Park School." He led Danny out, heading back to work.

Charlie walked out first, handing over a cat. "He helped."

Xander looked down at the cat. "What is it with you? You did that to me yesterday. Why the sudden interest?" He kissed the kitten on the head. "Okay, a quick question and not meant to be insulting. Did you wash your hands? Jack found out the hard way that they consider that a near- death-worthy occurrence."

"I did. I always do."

"Okay, didn't want to insult but I had to check." He looked around. "Any questions?"

"What's with the no-smiling issue?"

"Oh, it's a sign of a pick-up attempt. The brighter the smile, the more of a pick-up it is."

Charlie nodded. "Thank you. That would have been awkward."

"Ah, but a small smile can be a tease," Oz said as he walked in. "Xander has groupies that love his teasing."

"But they're probably young," the President said as he walked out to join them.

Xander nodded. "All young but of marriageable age. I've told them that my Richard won't let me take on a wife, but that if they *really* want to plead their case to come see him."

"Only one has," Oz said conversationally. "Come on, let's go." He stopped when he saw the young woman on the other side. "Hi," he said, bowing to her. "How may we help you?"

She smiled at him, a light, small smile. "I am here to make a proposition for Xander," she said boldly.

Oz pulled her aside. "Go on, we'll be having a discussion." He waited until the group had moved on. "Listen, I know he teases, but we're bonded soul-deep. There is no way that we're adding to our marriage."

She stood up straighter. "Unless Xander has a mother or an aunt to speak for him, he has no choice," she noted.

"Our sponsor is Nethisha's First Wife. She has said that she speaks for us and she likes our union the way it is."

"Still, the law says a mother or an aunt. An orphaned male may be married by any woman who asks and does not really have the right to say no until his first marriage trial is over."

Oz shook his head. "We're still married, there's no trial."

"But you don't count," she pointed out. "This is legal marriage to a wife, and only a woman can head a household."

"Listen, take it up with Nethisha's First Wife. We'll talk about this in front of her only." He closed the door and walked away. He found them a few stalls into the market. "We might have a problem," he said quietly, kissing Xander on the nose, he knew she was still watching. "She's going to force the issue. I told her to go to the First Wife."

"Does she have a name?" Charlie asked.

"Not that she's ever given us."

"Her people believe that giving names gives power," Xander told him. "The jeweler I work with is from the same culture. I still don't know his name but we serve in a business together." He smiled as one of his groupies squealed in shock. "I'm fine," he called. She ran over, giving him a hug. "I promise I'm fine, it's just a torn muscle. It'll heal soon enough."

"But how will you pound us out pretty things like that?"

"I'll manage, just not this week." He looked at the President. "Tastrian, this is my country's leader, President Bartlett. President Bartlett, may I introduce one of the women that come to watch me pound out jewelry, Tastrian, second daughter of the Queen."

He bowed slightly to her. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

She giggled. "You're a very handsome man. Are you useful?"

Xander shook his head. "He's married and has three daughters, plus runs our country. His wife is very fierce, not even someone I would want to fight." The girl pouted. "Besides, you're too young to be picking up men," he said, pinching her on the nose and giving her a teasing smile. "Go tell your mother that we've started our tour." She ran off, going to do just that. "She's the younger crown princess of the Queen, one of sixteen daughters and seven sons."

"Did she have them all herself?" the President asked.

"No, any issue that any of her spouses has she can claim," Oz explained. "That one is her secondary's wife's first daughter?" he asked Xander, who nodded. "She can't claim them as heirs unless it's their birth day, or on or after eighth birthday. She still has to claim the second daughter of that particular wife." He nodded at the shopkeeper. "Were you looking for a present for your wife or daughters?"

"Actually, I am," Bartlett said. "One's going to be a doctor. That one I need something very specific for. The others will accept anything pretty." He looked at the wares, picking up one small jug.

"Um, not that," Xander said, taking it and putting it back down. He said something in the native language. "Maybe we should move out of the personal care section," he suggested.

"What was that?" Bartlett asked quietly.

"A jar for sperm storage," Xander whispered.

"Oh. Thank you."

Xander nodded. "That's what we're here for." He pointed at a stall they were passing. "That's for perfume and scented oil."

The President shook his head. "I gave up on that years ago, I never get the right scent." He looked down the aisle. "Where do you work?"

"The next one of the left," Oz told him. He pointed down the first aisle. "This is more perfumes, body oils, and sexual aides."

"I don't think we need to go down there," Charlie said, and apparently he was having fun because he was smiling. "Will you be taking us to your jewelry stall?"

"We can go by there," Xander agreed. "It'd be cheating if I didn't at least try and get you buy something there."

The President smiled. "Of course it would. How much do you get of the profits you bring in?"

"Forty percent. I work part of one day a week. My women stand there and watch me, bringing more customers. I'm averaging about seventy bronze a week now."

"What's that on the exchange?"

"The usual coin in the market is in a silver-like coin," Oz said. "A bronze is a thousand of the silver. Xander's got quite a following, we've even gotten a refrigerator."

"How much is that costing you?" Charlie asked.

"About three bronze a year to keep up. It cost about thirty bronze to buy and have installed, but it was worth it. I wanted cheese."

"They don't have cheese?"

"They have one," Oz told him, "but he's allergic."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too. It was very smooth," Xander said with a shrug as he hopped along beside them. "This is the jewelry aisle," he said, turning down it. He pointed at the second stall on the right. "That's the one that's started working in platinum. The first one up here." He went slower, letting them browse. When one of the merchants growled at him, he snarled something back.

"Problems?" Bartlett asked.

"Not really, he just accused me of stealing business from him. He used to make a lot of little jewelry for the young women."

Bartlett stopped to look at his wares, picking up a small bracelet. "My daughter Zoe would love this," he said. "How much?"

Oz translated, then began haggling, ending in an insult, which brought the price down to a reasonable level. "Eighteen silver." He paid the man, then accepted the bag for the bracelet. "Put it in your pocket," he advised. "They don't wear pockets so no one's really perfected the pick pocket yet." He watched as the bracelet was put away. "How about your's, Xan?" he asked, pointing at the closed awning. "Want to go in?"

Xander hopped up to the stall and tapped on the curtain covering the front.

"Go away."

"It's me, I've brought my country's leader to look at your wares."

The curtain was opened. "Your women were rabid this morning," he accused, showing the mess of his shirt.

"I'm sorry. I let Siblinth tell them that I was injured and I couldn't come." He looked around. "Did they tear anything but your shirt?"

The jeweler shook his head. "No," he sighed. "One thought you were dead and she ripped it up in her grief." He smiled at the President. "Give me a moment, please, to become presentable. His women have savaged me."

President Bartlett nodded. "Sure. I can understand how that happens." He looked at the jewelry under the show platform. "What is that?" he asked, pointing at a small cuff.

"It's to mark a child as having a natural gift for the bodily arts," Xander told him. The President looked very pissed. "No one told you, did they?" he guessed. He got a head shake. "Ah. See, these kids pick what they want to be when they're about two."

"The Wander, I've read a report on that," Bartlett said, relaxing some.

"Well, there are some children who naturally go towards the bodily arts. There's also some with a special hormone condition that mark them as special even among all the others. That's the sort of child who would wear that. They're marked and their non-practical education starts when they're eight."

"Are they sexually mature then?"

"They are," Oz told him, "but not physically. They become full adults when they're sixteen and physically adult when they're about twelve. Age eight is the first step on the road to adulthood. The child starts their formal education for their position. No matter which position they end up in."

"But their *practical* education?"

"Is held off until they're physically adults," Xander assured him. "I was worried about that myself, but here child molestation is a death penalty offense. Spousal abuse is another one."

"Murder, genocide, rape, and the intentional killing of someone's mind using any mental powers that you might have," Oz added.

Bartlett relaxed. "You certainly have studied this."

"I had to translate for the diplomat studying the legal issues. She refused to learn the local language. She also left within three months because she couldn't stand it up here." Oz looked over at the stall as the curtain reopened. "I was just explaining to him about the marking bracelets."

"Yes, your mate should be wearing one," he said, looking at Xander's wrist. "I could make him a beautiful one."

"No thanks," Oz told him. "Then I'd have to hurt the people who come up to him."

The jeweler laughed. "Yes, I can see that. What can I show you?" he asked the President.

"Can I see that little bronze looking piece?" Charlie asked, pointing it out.

It was taken out and put onto the show display. "This is not a very rare piece but it does mark one as being a protector." He let him pick it up to look at the design. "A very hard one, but many of our Space Marines wear one."

"Try that one," Xander said quietly, pointing at a small set of bracelets. "Third one on the right of that blue tray." It was pulled out. "This design means that you are wise and a student of people and things, that you help others learn." He handed it over.

Charlie smiled, resting it against his wrist. "I like the way it looks."

"So do I. How much?"

"I won't force you to haggle like some people, out of respect for my colleague of course. Seven silver."

"That's a really great price," Xander noted. "President Bartlett, the other wasn't for your doctor daughter, was it?" He got a head shake. "Then come look at this." He bent over, pointing at a small plate. "You can have it personalized at home, it's a bit harder than stainless steel, and she can put it on her bag or her stethoscope."

"I like that, it's a practical gift," he said, straightening up. "How much for that nametag?"

"Nametag?" the jeweler asked Xander, who pointed it out. "Oh, that." He pulled it up. "Technically this is a gift tag, you put it on top of the gift, giving them an extra one. It's usually for naming ceremonies among the people who do that." He held it in his hand. "One silver."

Oz handed it over, and the money for Charlie's present too. "Thank you." He walked on, letting them follow him. "Good thinking, Xan."

"Thanks, O...Richard." Xander looked down the rest of the aisle. "Is it a holiday? There's almost no one down here."

"It's that time of day," the jeweler sighed. "Most of us are probably cleaning our wares while the rest of the people go wander around the personal care section." He smiled slightly at the President. "Do you have more than one daughter?"

"I have three, and they're all very demanding," he said. "My wife taught them that lesson very well."

The jeweler laughed. "My wife is much the same, as our my daughters."

"You have daughters?" Oz asked.

"I do, but I fear for their sanity so they're not allowed down here when Xander's working. I wouldn't want to lose them to him, he's leaving soon and my daughters would go insane with grief."

Oz nodded. "I know that feeling very well." He took Xander's hand. "Where to next? Would you like to see the textiles section, the banking section, or the animals?"

"Which is next in line?" the President asked.

"Textiles," Xander said, giving Oz a bright smile. "He's been working with some weavers." He waved at his coworker. "I'll be in next week, tell any of them that happen by that I'll miss making them pretty things this week but I needed the rest." The jeweler nodded and waved them on. "Come on, let's go wander that way. I'm still hungry."

"We could hit the food stalls," the President offered.

"That's on the other side of the market," Oz told him. "There's some snack shops on the other side of the money changers though." He led the way, still holding Xander's hand.

Charlie put on his bracelet, smiling at the look of it. "I like this."

"And it suits you," the President told him, following the couple. "This is much quieter than the one I visited in Istanbul."

"It always is," Oz agreed. "When we first came up here, I was very uneasy because it was so quiet here. As time goes on, you grow to appreciate the quiet. Most everyone that makes anything does it during these times so it's like a good meditation." He turned back into the main aisle. "This way," he said, pointing.

"What's down that one?" Charlie asked, pointing to one off to the right and a little ways away.

"That's the paranormal section," Oz told him. "We're not really fond of that area as our other husband was warped by a book."

"The feeling's mutual," Xander finished. "They hate me because I wasn't impressed with a few things and I found something very wrong and reported it my first day in the market." He hopped on. "Oh, Oz, your weaving buddy is in."

"Cool." Oz nodded that way and started to walk.

President Bartlett looked at the stalls they passed, impressed by the array of things that could be found. He smiled at the fabric Oz was holding up to the light. "A good weave?"

"A very delicate one," Oz explained. "We've been working on this piece of fabric for the last week." He held it out for the President's approval. "It's not very long but it's the finest I've ever done."

Charlie pointed at a small row. "It looks uneven there."

"There's always some slipped spots in any fabric," Oz said philosophically. "Otherwise, it's done by a machine." He picked up a longer piece of fabric and held it out. "This is the normal fabric that they wear."

"I noticed how thin Xander's clothing seemed to be," Bartlett said as he held it up to the light. "A very fine weave. Is it hard to work with?"

Xander nodded. "Very. You almost have to weave the ends together. Even a serger didn't help that much."

"They have special sewing machines for this stuff," Oz explained. "It knots the ends together and weaves what it can to make it seamless." He took back that piece and held up a small dress. "We've recently given them some of the Earth fashions."

"That looks native Polynesian," Charlie said, taking it to hold up. "My sister would love something like this, not to wear, but to look at." He handed it to the President. "Sir, that would fit one of your daughters."

"It would," the President agreed. "But how about in a blue?"

Oz said something to the weaver and he walked into the back of the stall, coming out with a box of folded pieces of cloth. "He's going to look for you." He took back the original dress, letting them look through the box together. He laughed when he saw one, holding it up. "A mu-mu," he said in appreciation.

"Blair," Xander sighed. "He brought your friend a book of native fashions a few weeks back. I've seen a few women wearing them." He pointed at one piece of dark blue fabric. "Three?" he suggested.

The weaver laughed. "Sixteen, you know that."

"Hey, I can try," Xander said happily, handing over a large bronze coin. "So that I can come and find more later," he told him.

The weaver shook his head but he looked happy. "Fine. I'll expect you. Are you buying for your woman again?"

"You bought clothes for Sam?" Oz asked.

"I bought her the outfit she was wearing today," Xander said happily. "She wanted to get something more matronly but I talked her into it."

"Good job. She looked native, except for her hair." Oz pulled out a dress and held it up. "This is nice," he noted. "Good decorations. We should get prezzies for the ladies."

"We should," Xander agreed.

"Has anyone told you anything about importing items?" Charlie asked.

"Just to be circumspect and to not import the whole market. Little things for the house or personal use but not to be shown off yet," Xander told her. "Any food has to be not used at a dinner and stuff like that."

"That's sensible," Bartlett agreed. He picked up three of the dresses and the one Oz was holding. "How much for all of them?"

"Ah," the weaver said, nodding at him. "Is this your leader?"

Oz nodded. "Sorry, forgot. President Bartlett, this is Datharen, second husband to the woman who owns the stall and a weaver. This is our President, Jeb Bartlett. He's buying special things for his wife and daughters."

The weaver bowed to him. "Wives are often hard to buy for. Even my own can be picky about my presents to her."

Bartlett nodded. "She definitely can be difficult to buy for but I believe she'll love these."

"Those aren't in the same size."

"No, but two of them will fit one of my daughters. She's tragically underweight in my opinion." The weaver nodded. "How much?"

"I give Oz a special discount of sixteen silvers, but for a leader, I give a better one. Eight?"

Bartlett looked at Oz. "Do I haggle with him?"

"If you'd like," Oz said happily. "He hardly ever gets to haggle."

"Five," Bartlett said. "Each."

The weaver laughed. "Six?"

"Sounds good." He let Oz pay for it and accepted a bag for his purchases. "Are we paying you back?"

"This is only part of a day's wage for us, sir, don't worry about it. I spend more than this in one day looking for interesting things to treat Xander with." Oz moved on. "There's a few more stalls, and it would look bad if you didn't at least look," he advised. "Favoritism."

Bartlett nodded and moved on, looking at some of the other stalls, buying a long scarf for his wife at another one, the woven design was magnificent and a very subtle shift of colors. They moved to the money changers stalls, letting Oz talk to them about the exchange program they're setting up, and then to a snack stall, where Xander had something like a sandwich.

President Bartlett looked out over the goats, frowning at the one coming up to him. He was pulled away from the gate just in time to save him from being bitten. "Those things are mean," he noted.

"They don't really like people, they know we eat them," Oz told him, glaring at the goat. "You will be dinner," he told it.

A nearby merchant laughed.

Xander squealed when he saw a familiar little form sitting in his booth. "She sold her!"

"No, she lets the ferret stay here so she stays out of trouble while she works," the merchant corrected. "Otherwise she would ride around in her mother's uniform shirt all day and that makes it hard for her to catch thieves. I generously offered a shady resting spot for this little darling while her mother works."

"She brings people to your stall?" Oz said dryly.

The merchant nodded. "Definitely. People come to look at my goats more often because she is here." He petted the small ferret, who was on a long leash attached to the stall. "She had a small run-in with one of the more hostile riding beasts," he explained at the look to his leash.

Xander picked up his former baby and cuddled it, cooing at her as he scratched her under the chin. "It's all right, I know you were just trying to be friendly. All the other animals you know are nice and play with you, you just didn't understand."

A female voice coughed behind them. "She did, she did it yesterday too." She smiled down at her baby. "You're just mad that I won't let you take off and go down to the food stalls again." The ferret squeaked at her. "Yes, I know." She looked at Xander. "I wish I had listened to you more when you mentioned that she was fascinated by insignia."

"It's shiny?" Oz suggested.

"Yes, and I had to make up a good excuse when my Strolan's breast cups disappeared," she said dryly.

"They all seem to like playing in things like that," Xander agreed, handing her back. "Yeah, you're happy with her," he said, smiling at the ferret. "I'm glad you chose a good mommy." His smile came down some. "Whenever you're ready, we have more wood shavings for litter and some food for them at the house. Stop by and get some."

She nodded. "I will, I had planned on it tonight." She unclipped the leash and her ferret climbed into her tunic, then she walked away.

"She had to stop someone from charging a ferret with biting," Oz explained to Charlie. "The little one refused to let her go."

"It doesn't cause problems, living with others?"

"Only her finding thing," Xander said, going back over to look at the animals. "They are interesting," he said quietly.

"They're not exactly docile," the President remarked, "but raising them might be enjoyable because of that." He patted the one in front of him, moving his hand fast enough to avoid being bitten. "Yup, just like a camel." He walked away, heading back toward the food stalls. "You're right, I am hungry. What would you suggest?"

"It depends, do you want spicy, meaty, vegetables, or pasta as they've recently imported some and started making some of their own," Oz asked.

"Anyplace I can sample a lot of things?"

"Yeah, there is," Xander said happily, hopping along on his crutches. "That first place we ate, Richard?"

"Sure. That's got a good amount of local cuisine and is clean." They led the way, getting them a seat at the small restaurant. "The things in blue are spicy," Oz warned. "And there's no such thing as light spices."

Charlie smiled. "I'd like to try something like that, and maybe something more subtle? Like a curry?"

"Order number six," Xander told him. "And add anything in blue, a half order."

"Or order number eight and ask for the blue tea," Oz suggested. "That's got both spicy and not in the same dish."

"What's this?" the President asked, pointing at one of the things on the menu, which was in English, apparently the diplomats and this couple ate there often.

"It's the goat, which is the standard meat, with a tomato-like vegetable sauce, flat bread, and a spicy dressing on the side," Oz told him. "It's good but you *really* will never eat it all. The plate's almost as big as the table. Even leftovers never got fully eaten."

"Can we bring it back across with us?" Charlie asked.

"We can," Xander agreed. "I've brought General Hammond lunch a few times when I went to make a report. We've lost track of earth time so it was an apology for getting him up in the middle of the night." He looked up at the waiter, giving him a little smile. "I want this one," he said, pointing at number four, "and the blue tea. And bring bread and the dipping sauces."

"Good idea," Oz agreed. He pointed at number ten. "That one and please ask him to take out the green things?" The waiter nodded, writing it down. "And bring some of those little finger dishes for us to nibble on while we wait."

President Bartlett looked at his menu. "Which one should I get?"

"Get number two," Xander suggested. "I had it my first night and I loved it. You can get the cheese on the side."

"All right," the President said, pointing at his menu. "And the cheese." Oz said the local word. "On the side."

The waiter nodded and bowed, then gave Charlie a fearful and expectant look.

"I want number eight," he said, pointing, "and some of the same tea. For both of us." The waiter nodded and ran off, taking their menus with him. "I've never gotten that response before."

"There's a race of dark skinned people in the Empire," Blair said as he sat down at the next table. "His people were at war with them a few centuries ago, but they were nearly wiped out by them. The dark skinned people, who's name is never said in front of the waiter's race because it's a curse, had ruled the planet for millennia but the native culture wanted to rule itself, starting off the war. They paid heavily but in the end, the master race did give in to their demands, though they hadn't been hurting at all from the war."

Charlie nodded. "Were they good?"

"Part of the time. The planet was heavy in minerals, but it was all in the top soil. The natives worked about two days a week for a living wage, but they wanted more." He shrugged. "It wasn't slavery but a milder form of colonialism. The master race moved on happily, leaving them to fall apart in peace. Now they're welcomed back through local agents to start buying the minerals again, but they're not allowed to step foot on the planet."

"Ah," the President said. "A good compromise?"

"It seems to please everyone," Blair agreed. He smiled at Xander. "We're getting takeout for a long study session. Want to come help us input notes later?"

"Sure. I can't write in my room right now, the couch hurts my leg." He looked over at the table. "You're getting that big thing of meat, aren't you?"

"Yup. We've got three students helping us and we offered to buy dinner." He said something to the waiter coming back with the teas for the table, then added something else at the end.

"That doesn't go," Oz reminded him.

"That's why I got it on the side. Sam likes them together." He helped the waiter grab the snacks to put them on the table. "Here we go. The green bread is more flavorful with a spicy undertone, the paler bread is like our flour, and the blue bread is the same stuff that's in the tea. Definitely do not use the red sauce on the green bread, it'll burn your mouth." He smiled and accepted the tray the cook brought out to him, flipping a coin at him. "Later, guys." He walked out, carrying the food back to his workplace.

Oz picked up some of the bread and dipped it into the green sauce. "This one is more like a salad dressing consistency. The red one is very hot, and the other three are really good."

"This one," Xander said as he dipped his into a bowl of light green sauce, "is the texture of an alfredo. This is one of our favorite sauces because it stays on the bread."

"The red soaks in," Oz pointed out.

The President picked up some of the pale bread and tore it into pieces, dipping it into the sauce closest to him, the red one. "I'm usually game for new things," he said, then he bit into it. And reached for his glass of tea. And Xander's glass of tea, and the rest of his piece of bread. "You weren't kidding," he said finally, able to speak again. "That's hotter than anything I've ever tasted."

"Put some on the blue bread," Oz suggested. "The tea kills the afterburn." He watched as the President ate some of it that way and nodded. "The green bread is very suited to anything Xander eats. The pale bread goes well with anything but the red and the dark blue sauce," he said, pointing at the small bowl. "Almost no one likes that though. The cook knows us well enough to arrange all of Xander's sauces on his side and all mine on this one."

Charlie dipped some of the bread into the dark blue sauce, making a face. "Bitter."

"Much better on pears," Xander agreed.

"That's because that is a pear," Oz pointed out. "They would be complimentary."

"How much of your income goes to basic necessities?" Charlie asked Xander.

"None. The basics are provided free for everyone each morning," he told him. "It's the more expensive stuff that needs refrigeration or the treats that cost you extra."

"So, everyone gets some goat, some water, and some bread every day?"

"And some fruit, some lube, some oils, some veggies, and some of the milk we have," Oz agreed. "Everyone has a family card for their family. The basics are all given to you based on the number of people in your family. They eat two real meals and nibble the rest of the time." He picked up something that looked like a breaded finger. "These are fried vegetables, a new item using the flour that they use for the pale bread." He held it out. "Try it, it should be crunchy but very soft in the center."

Charlie took a bite, nodding. "I like this. It's got the texture of stuffed celery."

The President picked one up and nibbled on it. "This is good. What sort of vegetable is this?"

"It's some sort of green," Xander told him. "There's not really an earth equivalent for some of these." He looked at the plate. "Any I can eat?"

"Nope." Oz grinned. "You know better. You have cheese waiting at home."

"This is the local cheese?" Charlie asked, picking apart one of the finger-looking things.

"The gray stuff is," Xander said, looking glum. "I'm allergic to it."

"It's very good. Is it from the goat?"

"No it was from the furry footstool looking thing," Oz told him. "They produce about a quart of milk every three hours. It's nutritious but not for Xander."

"Can't drink the milk either?" Bartlett asked as he ate another.

"Very little. I eat a lot of fish instead." Xander picked up some more of the bread and dunked it into his pale green sauce. "Here, taste this," he said, holding it out for Charlie. "It's a type of pepper."

The other man ate it, then slumped a little. "That is good," he announced. He got himself some more.

Xander nodded. "I've made a meal of just bread and this." He sipped at his new glass of tea, and nodded the waiter over. "How much longer on our orders?" he asked politely. The waiter smiled and said something, heading back into the kitchen. "It's customary at *this* place to ask. It makes the cook feel good and she personally brings the food."

A large woman, easily close to eight feet tall and probably five around, all in muscle, came out carrying a tray and put it down, taking the bread and putting it on the side of the plate. She smiled at the two extra men. "The new diplomats?"

"No, this is the President of our country," Oz told her. "He's here to talk with Nethisha."

Xander groaned as a furry blur ran past. Then another ran past. "Sacryn and Skip are in town," he said lightly. He laughed as an adult trudged along behind them. "Beautiful one, would you like Sacryn and Skip to come back to the palace with us? We're going there after dinner." The cat looked over at him, then howled. The kitten and the ferret came back, mostly because the kitten was carrying the ferret by the back of the neck.

//Thank you. I know our leader trusts you. They tire me.// She laid down in some shade, snorting at the kitten.

"Sacryn," Xander called, putting down a piece of meat.

//Xander,// she said happily, trotting over. She let Skip eat the meat for her. //Thank you. We were looking for you. Nethisha said that anytime you're ready she is.// She sat down and released the ferret, licking over it's back. She looked up at Charlie. //You seem nice. What's your name? I'm Sacryn.//

"My name is Charlie," he said, bowing to her. "I'd pet you but I'm eating and I don't want to insult our cook." He picked up some of the meat on his plate and slowly tasted it, grabbing some of the bread to eat with it.

"Put it on the bread," Oz suggested. "It works best that way."

"And mix in the peppers," Xander added, reaching down to pet her. "You're very well groomed today. Is Lethshan taking good care of you?"

//She's a good mommy,// Sacryn said solemnly. //Thank you for talking to her for me. I'm happier now.// She went back to grooming her friend.

The cook looked down and said something.

//Yes, please.// She held up Skip. //He likes the blue vegetables too.// She put Skip back down, holding him with one of her paws so he couldn't get away. Xander smiled down at her. //Skip likes to run off and investigate but one of the cooks down the street screamed and tried to catch Skip to cook. I bit him,// she said proudly.

"I'm sure your mommy will be very proud of you," President Bartlett said, smiling down at her. "You are very pretty."

//Thank you. I'll lead you to Nethisha when you're done.// She looked back at the adult, then handed Skip to Xander to go check on her. //Grandmother?// she asked, nudging her. //Grandmother?//

Xander grabbed his crutches and stood up, going over to help check on her. He felt her breathing, but it was very shallow. "Call for the pack," he told her, giving her a very serious look. "We need your mommy and we need a healer for her I think."

Sacryn sat down and lifted her head, howling as loud as she could. Then she laid down next to the grandmother and nuzzled her, hoping to make her feel better. //I promise not to run if you'll get better,// she promised.

"Shh, it wasn't your fault," Xander soothed, giving her a hug. "This has nothing to do with you running after Skip." He looked over as he felt eyes on him. Standing there was a very rare male. "She's sick," he told him. "She was watching Sacryn, who came to give us a message."

The male howled and nudged the grandmother a few times, then he nudged Sacryn, who shrunk into Xander's lap.

"It wasn't her fault," Xander told him. "She was trying to keep the ferret out of trouble. She rescued the ferret from a cook that wanted to eat it."

A human female came running, falling to her knees beside the grandmother. "What happened?"

"Sacryn had to chase down Skip, who managed to not get captured and cooked," Xander told her. "They were searching for us. I told her I'd get Sacryn and Skip back to the palace and she laid down to rest."

The woman nodded. "She is very old, this was the first time she was out of the palace in over sixteen months." She patted Sacryn on the head. "It's not your fault, little one. She has a mass growing in her stomach, that's what's wrong with her." Sacryn's nose appeared. "Really, I'm sure your mommy will tell you that."

"Her mommy's Lethshan," Xander told her quietly. "Is this Lethshan's mother?" She nodded. "Cancer?"

"The growing lump?" She thought. "It would be analogous, but it's something that happens to all the older ones. An organ starts to swell as they grow very old. Usually they're content to lay around in the sun until they die in their sleep." She smiled at the kitten. "You must have been very favored by her to bring her out of her rest. Only the most favorite cub could do that." Sacryn uncurled a little more, soothed by the reassurance.

Lethshan came running, stopping when she saw the scene. //It is time?// she asked them.

"Soon," the healer soothed, running a hand down the head cat's back. "The outing tired her."

//She insisted,// Lethshan said wryly. //Said she wanted to have one last walk in the market and picked her favorite cub to go with her.// She looked at her daughter. //It is nothing you did. Or the ferret,// she said, looking back at where Oz was trying to hold the ferret still. //Let it go. It will only come over here.// She purred and nuzzled Sacryn. //You were highly favored by her, little one. Don't be sad, it is her time. We were expecting this.// She picked her off Xander's lap and plopped her down in front of her, grooming her. //Are you coming up soon?//

"We're halfway through our meal," Xander told her. "Not too much longer. Do you need help carrying her back?"

"No, I've got it," the healer told him, picking up the grandmother and standing up. "Come, let us let them eat."

Oz got up and brought over the ferret, handing him to Sacryn. "Here, you take very good care of him. We're very impressed how well you take care of him." She sent him a weak mental purr and followed her mother out of the restaurant.

"That's rough," Xander said, accepting Oz's help up and back to his chair. "As they age, they have a gland that grows. They usually die in their sleep but that one wanted to walk through the marketplace one last time, so she picked her favorite granddaughter."

"Is she dead?" Charlie asked.

"No, not yet. More unconscious and worn out." He looked over at the kitchen. "They went home," he called out. The cook came out of the kitchen. "The grandmother cat collapsed and they all went home. I'll take the food to them when we leave." She nodded, disappearing again.

"Many people seem to understand English," Bartlett noted. "Don't they speak it?"

"They understand a few words. It's more like they learn useful words in every language. Food words, takeout words. Anything more complicated needs to be in their language."

"So she probably understood collapsed, went to palace, and takeout?" Charlie asked.

"Or a few more words, yeah," Oz said, nodding as he nibbled on his dinner. "Was that Lethshan's mother?" Xander nodded. "Hmm, I heard she's the oldest living one of them."

"Really?"

"Recorded anyway," Oz told him, patting him on the hand. "Finish up. Nethisha must be getting impatient."

Xander smiled. "No, she's ready but she's probably really busy now. We've got a few minutes. I told them we were halfway through our meal." He looked at the other two men. "On the way out, we'll take you by the Treat stall so you can take some back if you'd like. General Hammond hinted that you might want to."

"I need a box," Charlie said, putting down his last piece of bread. "I'm stuffed."

"That's kinda normal," Oz agreed. He stood up and went to stick his head into the kitchen, coming back with four boxes. "Here we go. You can eat it while you grill General Hammond about his project."

President Bartlett smiled at that. "I would like to know what else is out there, especially after seeing this place." He boxed up his meal and they all walked on, going up to the palace.

***

Nethisha smoothed her hair as she walked into the throne room. "Sorry to keep you waiting," she said, bowing to President Bartlett. "Xander, why was she worried?"

"Sacryn worried that she had caused her grandmother to collapse. We all assured her that it wasn't the reason. Is she feeling better?"

"No. She's still somewhat convinced of the fact."

"She has very low self esteem," Oz told her. "She didn't want to talk to any of the older cats about really needing some mommy attention either," he pointed out when she looked at him.

"Good point," she agreed, relaxing. "Her mother died when she was very young and it's harmed her...self esteem you called it?"

"It means how you see yourself in your mind, how confident you are in yourself and the like," Oz explained.

"Ah, yes, just so!" she exclaimed happily. "Yes, that is where she is lacking. Lethshan is working on getting her better, but there is still a lot of work to do." She bowed to Charlie. "And you are?"

"I'm Charlie, his assistant," he said, shaking her hand and bowing slightly. "I was very interested in your market. It's fascinating, all the different things that have no comparison to anything on our world."

"Sit, please," she said, waving at the marshmallow chairs. "You two, are you busy?"

"I should go help the new diplomats acclimate," Oz told her. "Xander promised to help the doctors studying up at Park School, but we do have some time if you need it."

She shook her head. "I'm sure we'll be fine. Did you two eat?" she asked, smiling as the couple walked out. "Those two are my favorites," she said. "A little too formal still but very entertaining and easy to get along with. I hope our new diplomats are like that."

"I think they will be by the time Oz gets done with them," Charlie told her.

She laughed. "Yes, just so. He will ...wrangle I believe the word is?" Bartlett nodded. "He will wrangle their cooperation. General Hammond made sure that they knew that Oz was in charge of them this time." She smiled as a little furry body jumped into her lap. "Hello, Dorthensan."

"If I may ask, what does that name mean?" President Bartlett asked.

"It means 'bringer of more trouble than six kittens'," she said with a teasing smile. "We love the ferrets and have dedicated ours to our Goddess of Trouble, Lissa. I believe Xander has met her once or twice."

"He never mentioned it but I'm sure he's told everyone else," Bartlett said diplomatically.

"Yes, I've head that your main faith is a singular God."

President Bartlett smiled. "Yes, M'lady, it is. I would be happy to speak of you about our religion, but most people find it somewhat boring. I was actually educated by a religious school."

"Your religions run schools?" she asked with as nose wrinkle. "How do they keep from influencing the students?"

Charlie laughed as the President thought that over. "Most of the time, the children are put in there because their parents are of that religion and wanted their children in a private school," he explained. "We even have some colleges that are run by religions, they do better at not influencing the students than the lower grades."

"Very good explanation," Bartlett said, smiling at his assistant. He looked up at her. "Actually, our religion is still split into factions, different forms of the same belief. None of the groups can really agree on any form of doctrine outside of our God's name."

She nodded. "I've seen such fissioning off before. Usually it destroys."

"It still happens among our people, but we're working on peace. There's still some countries being pulled apart by religion after centuries," he said honestly, "but the nearby countries have stepped in to set up barriers and to help solve the problem through diplomacy."

"Would it not be easier for the Churches to get together?"

"It might but neither church is willing to give up it's version of doctrine yet for peace."

"Is one that Catholic Church I heard about from the two doctors? They said that they had ruled most of the known world at one time."

"They wielded hidden power," President Bartlett agreed. "Sometimes, not so hidden power. They crowned heads of countries for a while. Now they're starting to have to pull back some and it's causing problems within their doctrine. As is technology."

She nodded. "We had that problem. Our Goddess of War was not originally allowed on our military ships because she represented the old ways. Then her Priests and Priestesses found documents telling of future times and changed their ways, now they're very welcome on any ship."

"It will be like that for the next century. The present Pope, the head of the Catholic Church, names the people who choose his successor. It's a slow process of change."

"I would appreciate someone to come up and tell the ambassador who will be going down to your planet about your religions."

"I can arrange that," the President agreed. "I know a few teachers of theology who also see the reality of the world and the ways that religion is used by people. Would that be acceptable?"

"It would," she agreed. "Would this one mind?"

"I don't know, I'd have to ask. He shouldn't. If he does, there's plenty more where they came from." She smiled lightly at that. "If I may say so, you do have a beautiful city. You've managed to turn necessary housing into some very decorative buildings."

"Ours are fairly square and uninspiring," Charlie added.

She smiled. "I would like to see that. I have heard many things about tall buildings. Are your cities that crowded?"

"The city where we'd like to set up the embassy, in New York, presently has about ten million people." She gasped. "Yes, it is quite a lot."

"There's not that many people on this planet," she told him. "Xander had said you were having an overcrowding problem with the animals, but he didn't mention the problem with the people."

"It's not gotten horrible yet," he assured her. "We've got some time before it becomes critical. Maybe by then something can be figured out to ease the population crunch." He looked at the statues around the room. "Charlie? Where did you put it?" he asked quietly.

"Oh." He pulled a box out of his pocket and handed it over. "Sorry, sir."

"Not a problem." President Bartlett accepted a hand up and walked up to the Queen. "As a token of appreciation for seeing us today and agreeing to let us kick those diplomats in the ass." He held the box out.

She took it with a smile, opening it, and nearly dropped it when it started to play music. "Oh, my. What is this called?"

"A music box. That one is just for music; some are also to keep jewelry in." He smiled at her. "That particular piece is called 'Feelings'."

She laughed and closed and opened the lid a few times. "This is very neat," she said, putting it on the table beside her throne. "I like that. It amuses me. You are interesting people too. Will you be able to stay for dinner?"

"Xander said our schedule included a few hours up here if you wished it," Charlie said. "I'm not sure which time he was speaking of though."

She waved a hand. "Don't worry, if someone worries that you're late, they'll send Oz." She walked down the stairs to take the President's arm. "Tell me of your wife and your family." She led him away, going slowly so his assistant could catch up. It was always important to have a secondary husband around to take notes and help you when you were lost.

***

Oz walked up to the diplomat's house and stopped when he saw Sam holding one man by the hair on his head. "Problems already?" he asked the women standing around.

"He smiled at me and said that my outfit showed off my attributes very well," one woman told him.

Oz nodded and grabbed the man, taking him into the house and slamming the door. Then there was yelling.

Sam smiled at the women. "We will keep a stronger leash on them this time. If they cause a problem, we'd like to know as soon as possible."

The women nodded and walked away.

A man who had been standing off to the side moved forward. "Webb. State Department." He looked over her outfit, then at the retreating women. "Going native?"

Sam looked him over, then nodded. "Shock therapy. Captain Samantha Carter, Air Force." She said as she shook his hand. "General Hammond said we were to ride you new guys."

He shrugged. "Fine. Just as long as you realize I'm in charge."

Oz walked out and looked the man over. "You're not in charge," he told him. "Technically, Colonel Jack O'Neill is in charge of this whole delegation, even your part. Jack, Sam, and I are your go-betweens with the locals. Blair and Daniel are your social scientists. Xander has made extremely helpful contacts in the marketplace. Trust me, if you come up here with a cowboy attitude, you'll be going home real quick because they're not going to tolerate more crap from you guys. The last ones ended up under house arrest their last day here." He looked at Sam. "He understands now. Apparently he got here late and missed part of your 'don't smile and they consider humans interesting but not for more than flirting' lecture."

She shrugged. "As long as he understands now." She looked at Webb. "Did you want to get up to speed on the native customs now or later?"

"Later please. I'd like to meet with my staff as I only got this assignment this morning." He looked between them. "How far have we gotten?"

"We're in currency negotiations. There's a tentative plan for an embassy in New York starting next year so they can branch out to other governments," Sam told him.

"President Bartlett's talking with the Queen right now. I'm sure the Empress will be hearing about it by tonight," Oz added. "We're both at the 'making a list' stage."

Webb nodded. "All right. I can deal with that. What's up on the monetary front?"

"Iron, emeralds, and silver, with platinum making a debut here last week for decoration purposes only," Oz told him. "I worked on the currency, legal, and market parts of the negotiations. I'm also the lead interpreter."

Sam smiled at him. "I'm one of the main cultural and sciences people. I'm working with both this team and the two social scientists to see what they have to offer us to learn. We're looking at sending already trained professionals up to train under them. Their educational system is phenomenal and the kids are college level when they enter formal education at eight."

He sighed. "Do they see themselves as much higher up the chain?"

"They've been here for millennia. There's a few barbarian comments sometimes, but putting it into perspective they're being generous." Oz leaned against the building. "When you came across, did anyone show you where we are?" Webb nodded. "Good. Then you should come over tonight and catch up with the rest of us. We'll work on getting everyone placed tomorrow."

Webb smiled. "Good, I can handle that. What's the time change?

"One month earth to a week and a half here," Sam told him. "About three and a half days at home to here. They expect us to not be adjusted though. Xander's been very good at showing people that we're normal."

"That too," Oz said dryly, moving so the man could get in the door to his house. "Your protocol manager is the same as ours. He'll be here for the next two days. Trust him. He reports directly to our sponsor, who's the First Wife."

"The brief did mention polygimous marriages," Webb noted.

"Oh," Sam said with a head shake. "That understated it. They have spouses of each gender, and multiples thereof. You're in a matrilineal society, the first husband takes care of the household and helps the main wife and the First Wife to deal with the family business."

"And does any PR for the family," Oz added on.

Webb shuddered. "Are we going to be separated like that?"

"I am technically the head of the household over the diplomats," Sam told them. "Jack is looked on as being under my protection but having the same status as my First Husband. So will you. Xander and Oz are their own family grouping and Oz heads his."

"And we've got to talk to the First Wife about that," Oz muttered, looking up at the palace. "She's going to be pushy."

"She?" Webb asked.

"One of Xander's groupies down at the jewelry stall wants to marry him but he and Oz are married."

"Um..."

"Drop it even if you are uncomfy with the subject," Oz told him quietly. "Deal with it and move on, man, it's common up here." He looked at Sam. "One of the women not only made an issue of it, but made an issue that she could force Xander to marry her because he doesn't belong to a wife already."

"Would that really be that bad?" Webb asked. He suddenly had a blade at his throat and a growling man in front of him. "Never mind," he said, stepping back and swallowing. "I didn't realize."

"Xander is keeping me alive," Oz told him. "Never doubt that nothing will come between us." He slid his sword back into its sheath. "With that said, take this lesson to heart. The women and men find us amusing, like we find precocious children amusing, but we're not good for more than flirting. The last diplomats got their assess kicked because they couldn't take hints, obvious or implicit. Nethisha won't appreciate having more bad diplomats in her city."

Webb nodded. "Good. I hope I don't have to whip anybody." He nodded at the house. "Let me go in and deal with my staff. I'll be at your house after dark falls?"

"That's two sleep cycles from now," Sam told him.

"Oh. Okay, after our first sleep cycle?"

Oz nodded. "Fine with us. By the way, the jumpiness you'll all be feeling will go away, there's something like chocolate and caffeine in the air." He took Sam's arm and walked back toward the palace with her. "Did you actually get the magnets put in?"

She smiled. "Double sided tape."

He laughed. "Good idea. Probably a lot less embarrassing. Think about the problems with metal detectors back at home."

***

Xander smiled as President Bartlett was led out by Oz, holding out a bag. "I got you treats to take home and analyze. Watch out for the brown stuff if it's warm, it can give gas pains."

"Did the diplomats arrive and get their first lecture?" Bartlett asked them.

Oz nodded. "And one got his ass kicked already. He got here late and didn't hear the 'they don't want to do more than flirt' part of the lecture. I went off on him." The President looked at him. "They'll expect us to be firmer with this new group."

Bartlett nodded. "Good idea." He put his food into the bag and handed it to Charlie. "Where to now?"

"Unless you wanted to see more of the market, we were going to take you back," Xander told him.

Charlie looked around. "I feel really hyped here."

"The atmosphere contains something that mimics the effects of chocolate and caffeine on your system," Oz told him. "The first three nights here, you don't really sleep, you shake." He started walking. "Should we get you some more food for the trip home?"

"Please," the President said. "Maybe that big plate so we can go back and feed the base. We're staying there tonight."

"Covering up the time change effects," Oz said wisely. "Sure." He turned down one of the side aisles, a big one. "I know the back way to get there."

"Let's go," Bartlett said. "Josh will love some of this."

"Sir, he probably won't eat it if you told him about it."

"I wonder if we could get one of those goats back at home."

Xander smiled. "Yes, you can," he said. "As a matter of fact, there's one waiting on you." Oz stopped to look at him. "She gave him a breeding set," he said with a grin. "She was that impressed with him."

Oz shuddered. "I hope you have a very strong pen at home, sir." He started walking again.

Jack moved away from the goat's mouth, again, and sighed. "How much longer before they get back?" he asked his boss.

"Not long. They're probably getting loaded up on treats."

***

Xander looked up as he heard a whistling noise, and moved his hand to his sword, dropping his crutches to be able to fight. There was a flash and then everything went blank for him.

Oz looked over as he heard the whine, getting the President out of the way, and away from Xander for some reason he wasn't sure of. By the time he looked back, someone had Xander and was running with him. "Fuck," he growled. "Jack!" he yelled, they were close enough to the portal to nearly see it. Jack came running. "Get them home, someone just stole Xander." He took off running, going to rescue his mate.

Jack smiled at the President. "Don't worry, sir, they have a lot of experience with that." He made sure they had all their bags, retrieving one from a stall keeper who had picked it up for them, and led them back to the gate, one hand on his sidearm.

Charlie looked at him. "That's normal?"

"Xander's got a hormone condition that makes people want him," Jack told him. "He's been taken before. That's why he knows how to fight." He smiled at his boss as he came into view. "Someone got Xander."

"Holy Hannah," the General sighed. "That boy and trouble are first cousins."

"Are not," a voice drifted out, and a little girl appeared, smiling up at him. "Are they going with you?" He nodded. "Have fun, I made them nicer." She looked at Jack. "He come back sometime soon." She giggled and disappeared.

Jack sighed. "Sir, would you remind me why you got me out of retirement again?" he asked his boss.

The President took the reins for his goats and led them up to the portal. "I think we'll go back through now. We brought dinner."

Charlie dodged a set of sharp teeth. "I agree, they ate you first in self defense," he told the goat.

The President smiled, then started to laugh. "I'm sure they probably did," he agreed, walking through the portal.

General Hammond clapped Jack on the back. "Think of what you'll learn now," he suggested, then jogged up to walk through the portal too. "Men, stand down, they're only goats."

"They're Marines in a costume," one of the soldiers, who was backed up in a corner trying to defend himself, called. "Sir, can I please shoot it?"

"No, it was a diplomatic gift," Hammond said, coming over to pull the goat away from his men. "Put them in the gate room and tether them really well." His soldier looked at him, disbelief showing on his face. "Would you want to blindly walk into them if you were going to invade?"

"Think about the G'ouald running into them," Jack said happily. "They would never try it again."

The soldier shook his head and led the goats away, going to do as he was told, like the good little soldier he was. "This is what happens when you let gays in," he muttered, "they bring strange shit with them."

"I heard that!" General Hammond yelled after him. "You're on KP for the next *month*, son, and you will report to my office in two hours time, after you secure those goats!"

"Yes, sir," the soldier said, slumping some as he continued to lead the goats.

President Bartlett held out a large box. "Like I said, we brought dinner."

"Good, some of your staff members are upstairs, they have something that needed your attention."

"I'll go get them," Charlie said, heading out.

The President smiled. "Nice handling. Those two boys were quite fun. Both sets actually."

"Sandburg and Jackson are our pride and joy," Hammond said with a smile. "Let's go up to the meeting room. It'll give us the most privacy with the biggest amount of space." He led the way, carrying the food. "Is this the big tray of goat?"

"It is," the President said. "Xander was quiet enthusiastic as he picked out side dishes. He did suggest that you find some American cheese for some of the little rolled things." He frowned. "I hope he'll be fine."

"He will. The boy's been kidnaped at least six times that I know of. This is just a serious time instead of a playful one. They actually practice for these times, sir." He opened the door of the meeting room, sliding the tray onto the table with a little help. "It's perfectly healthy, but do watch out for anything a deep red color, it's hotter than most volcanos." He took his seat at the top of the table, then got up and started to move, but the President motioned him to stay. "Sir, would you like to debrief now?"

"Sure," he said, sitting down and opening the tray. "Didn't even get mixed up," he said happily. "We need American cheese too." Charlie got up and went to talk to the soldiers guarding the door. He came back a few minutes later with some slices. "Thanks." He smiled. "Queen Nethisha is quite a card."

General Hammond smiled and nodded. "I know. We've had a few dinner discussions."

The staff members looked back and forth, then Josh cleared his throat. "Um, sir? Was it a good meeting?"

"A very good one. I even managed to get presents for my wife and children." Josh just nodded wisely. "That should take away some of the sting about not coming with me." He ate a piece of meat, then dipped some bread into a sauce and handed it to Josh. "Eat. It's perfectly good."

Everyone dug in, not even bothering to ask what they were eating. They'd been around diplomatic circles long enough to know better than to ever ask what they were eating.

Gods, Why Me?

Xander looked around the field he found himself in. A ship had dropped him off here, wherever here was, and left again. His groupie had said she'd be back in a few days and he should have changed his mind by then. Unfortunately, she had found his sword, and had taken it with her. So here he was, on an unfamiliar planet, without any weapons, without any crutches, and without any sign of other life forms. He looked at the trees around the edge of the clearing, judging how useful they were going to be to him. He really needed something to brace against, his thigh was killing him and he doubted there was any advil anywhere near him. He forced himself to stand up and hobble over to the nearest tree, testing the nearest limbs to make himself a cane. He finally found one that might hold his weight so he snapped it off longer than he needed, leaning on it. "Okay, I can do this," he told himself. He looked around the clearing, knowing he had to take care of the necessities from his time across the realms, but he didn't know how to make even a tent from the trees nearby, that had been Oz's thing. He saw a flash of something and headed for it, at least investigating it would keep him occupied for a few hours. He really didn't want to start thinking about Oz, or about the trouble the woman would be in once Oz got her. Or when Nethisha got her. Or when Sam got her. Or especially when Strife got her, though that one might be fun to watch at least.

On the other side of the clearing he found a small, rundown house. Which surprised him. "Hello?" he called.

"Greetings," a wispy voice said from behind him.

Xander turned his head, looking at the very thin body, one he could see through. "Um, I'm in trouble, aren't I?" The ghost nodded.

***

Oz paced back and forth across the width of the throne room. "How long before they bring her in?" he hissed. "It can't take them that long, you guys have got really fast ships and she was heading back this way."

Nethisha's first wife pulled him into her arms for a hug. "They've captured her, but it's still going to take an hour until she gets here." She sat him down on the steps leading up to the throne. "You must stay calm. If you react like this, she'll never tell us anything. She's not scared of you. My wife will have her flogged for this."

Oz smiled slightly at that. "She enjoyed those stories, didn't she?" he asked lightly.

The first wife nodded. "Very much. She thought the author must have had a very vivid imagination to think up such ideas." She sat beside him and pulled him against her side. "Oz, you must stay calm. Killing her won't tell us where he is."

"I can get someone up here to make her dead body talk," he suggested.

She shook her head. "No, you can't do that. It would horribly upset some people to think that some of your kind can do that." She gave him a squeeze. "Think instead of reacting. I know you want to go after him, but she wouldn't have dropped him off anywhere that would harm or kill him. She wants him too much for that. Why she turned back, I have no idea." She looked up as her wife walked in. "Any word?"

"The Marine that caught her is within constant contact range," she reported. "The young woman has refused to say anything." She sat down on Oz's other side, giving him a hug. "I would ask that you let us question her," she said quietly. "I know you want to...rip into her?" Oz nodded at the phrasing. "She will tell us, even if we do have to ask for a strong telepath to come have a discussion with her." Her face hardened. "This does not bode well for our meetings."

He patted her on the knee. "She's not the first one to want Xander enough to take him. We just usually deal with them in a scary fashion back at home." He stood up. "I need to go make a report to our boss. I'll be back within an hour." Both women nodded. "I won't let the other diplomats make anything of this," he promised, walking away. He walked back to the portal, thinking the whole way. He found a gateroom full of soldiers, all with their guns pointed at him. "Sorry," he muttered, pointing his bracelet at them and using his identity code. They all relaxed when they got the okay from the control room. "Is Hammond available?"

"No," one of the senior soldiers said. "He's still in meetings with the President." He stepped out of Oz's way. "What's wrong?"

"The woman who took my husband has been captured." He sat down on the ramp, looking at them. "I want to kill her so I'm taking a break before I lose my temper in a permanent fashion on her."

The soldier nodded. "I'd be pissed too, sir. Were you going off base?"

Oz stood up. "Yes." He nodded as he walked away, going to go hit the car set aside for their use. "Are our friends still in town?"

"Mr. Ellison is," someone yelled after him.

"Thanks." Oz walked down the halls, running into Charlie. "Hey. Tell Hammond they caught the woman but she's dropped Xander off somewhere. I'm going to go hit a tree." He continued to walk, going to sign himself out of the base and go somewhere more calming. He really needed calm. His beserker rage was just too close to the surface at the moment.

General Hammond took the whispered message well, he just shook his head. "That boy'll be the death of his mate yet," he sighed.

"Problems?" the President asked.

"They've found the woman who took Xander but she's dropped him off somewhere. They're going to be questioning her as soon as she gets back."

The President nodded. "How is Richard doing?"

The General thought for a moment, then got that he was talking about Oz. "He's going to go find somewhere calm. His temper is legendary from what I hear, but this is going to be hard on him."

The President nodded. "I can understand that." He looked at his staff. "Anything we can do?"

The General smiled and shook his head. "Nethisha loves that boy, she'll do everything in her power to get him back. I think we can trust them with this for now."

The President smiled. "Good, I like that they like us so much. It makes good sense to make treaties with friends."

"Sir?" Sam asked. "What's going on?"

"Mr. Harris was kidnaped as we were walking back to the portal by one of his self-described groupies. Apparently she wanted to marry him but he had told her no." Sam nodded.

"She's dropped him on another planet," General Hammond told him. "They've caught her but we don't know where Xander is yet."

"And Richard is?" Josh asked.

"Xander's husband," Sam told him. "He's a beserker from the reports. Xander told someone to leave his Oz, he uses the name of his dead husband interchangeably for some reason, alone because he was a beserker and going ghetto was the least of their worries. The cop didn't listen and lost his badge three days later from their complaint." He looked at the President. "Should we worry?"

"No," the President said. "Queen Nethisha will look out for them. Like the General said, she loves those boys, she'll find Xander, if only so she doesn't have to console Richard." He clasped his hands together on the table. "These are good and decent people. I think we can trust them to not only protect our people but to make sure that they're not harmed in the future."

The General nodded. "I agree. In the least, those cats will go after her once she's back at the palace. They love Xander for giving them the ferrets."

"Did you talk to any of these cats?" CJ, the Press Secretary asked. "They sound fascinating."

"They are," President Bartlett agreed. "I did talk to one of the little ones. She jumped into my lap and demanded to be petted, told me she was a ferocious hunter and deserved it for taking care of a guard who nearly stepped on the ferret Skip. The Queen laughed and said that my family had to have a very interesting life."

Charlie blushed. "Sir, I really think next time your wife should go with you."

The General patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, son, they won't force the issue and I'll try to straighten it out for you." He saw the confused and curious looks. "Their version of secretaries and assistants are usually second husbands. Apparently Nethisha or one of her wives asked him about their relationship," he said delicately.

"She thought he was my husband," the President said blandly. "She took the news that this was his job fairly well, then asked her second husband to politely ask the two Anthropologists to attend her to explain more of our social structure to her. I told her it was an understandable mistake as we spent all day, every day together. She laughed and said she didn't spend that much time with her favorite wife or husband."

Charlie's blush just got brighter.

***

Oz tapped on the motel room door, sighing when Steve opened it. "I had hoped Ray and Meth were here," he said as he walked inside. "I need someone calmer."

Steve got Oz sitting on his bed, looking down at him. "What happened? Did negotiations break down?"

"Worse, one of Xander's groupies kidnaped him, took him off planet, and put him somewhere before coming back for whatever reason. We have her and no Xander."

Steve shook his head. "Oz, you should have known this was going to happen, Xander draws women like that."

Oz gave him his drollest look. "I know. These all knew he was untouchable though, this one got a major obsession going before we could stop it."

Steve nodded. "He draws them, Oz. I'd be chaining him to my side or to the house."

Oz smiled at that. "Ares gave us a leash and harness the last time he got into trouble," he admitted. "We were showing the Prez around the market when he was taken."

"Was the President hurt? This won't affect things, right?"

Oz shook his head. "We were on the way back." He sighed. "Where are Methos and Ray? No offense, but I really don't want to think about the negotiations. Jack can take those over for now."

Steve smiled. "I know I'm not the most comforting person," he agreed. "They're in town, they've rented a small apartment." He picked up the phone and dialed the other couple, knowing they would handle this best. "Can you get them across?"

"I don't think Hammond will complain too much," Oz said, leaning back on the bed and covering his eyes. "I really want someone else to deal with this for me," he said quietly.

"So call on Strife, Cupid, or Ares," Steve said, turning to listen to the voice on the other end. "I'm sorry to wake you, Methos, but Oz is here and there's been a problem. No, of the Xander's been kidnaped sort." He laughed. "Yes, that sort. No, he's not on the planet anymore. No, Oz is here and he could really use you two. Yes, I'm still at the motel in the same room." He hung up. "He said to give them an hour to get dressed and pack a bag." He sat beside Oz on the bed, patting him on the shoulder. "It'll be okay, Oz. Methos can fix nearly anything. He's got a lot of experience."

Oz snorted. "Ya think?" he asked sarcastically. "Five thousand years should at least give one experience, but I want to know when I get it. I'm close to three thousand and I don't have it."

Steve patted him again. "It'll be okay," he repeated.

***

Xander turned to look at the ghost. "Tell me there's someone else here," he pleaded.

"I'm sorry. I was dropped off here many years ago and told I could plead with a passing freighter if I really wanted to get away from her before she came back." He pointed at the house. "Can I ask a favor, would you bury me? I'll stay around, but my body's laying in there over top of my passage money."

"Sure," Xander said calmly, limping toward the small house. "How long have you been here for?"

"Oh, maybe a few hundred years," he sighed. "I've been very bored."

"My Oz will come for me," Xander told him, trying to convince himself.

"Is Oz your wife?"

"My husband. We're soul-bound," Xander said sadly. "We're diplomats from a new world. We don't have space travel like you guys do." He cheered himself somewhat. "Nethisha won't let me stay here. She likes me."

"Is she your sponsor?"

"Sorta, she's a Queen," Xander told him, pushing on the door to the house. "This is in good shape."

"It should be, it's rated to stay up for fifteen hundred years." He saw the 'huh' look and smiled. "This is a sectional house, it's for colonization, the first houses to be put up. You expand on them to make real homes."

"Oh. That's kinda cool. I guess it makes sense." Xander looked at the body, then around the small front room. "Do we have a shovel?"

"I must say, you're taking this very well," the ghost said as he floated/walked over to a closet. "The survival supplies are still packed in here. I never really needed any of them, she left me with some food."

Xander hobbled over, opening the closet to dig out the shovel. "I deal with demons all the time. A ghost is weird but not too out there."

"Out there?"

"Not too strange," Xander corrected. "I've never talked to a ghost before, but you're probably going to be the only company I have until someone comes for me."

"And if it's her?" the ghost asked.

"Then she's dead and I'll be teaching myself how to fly," Xander said coldly. "I'm sure I'll run into habitation somewhere and be able to send Nethisha and my Oz a message." He found the shovel and stood up, looking down at the body. Then he grabbed a blanket. "I'm sorry if I offend you because I don't know your burial rituals," he told the ghost.

"Being buried will be good enough. I figure you'll tell the people who come for you about me and they'll take my remains home for a real burial."

Xander nodded. "Good plan. Want to come keep me company? I hate being alone."

"Of course. I've been bored."

***

Methos pounded on the door, pushing Steve rudely aside as soon as it was opened. "Who took him and why are you here instead of getting him back?" he demanded.

"He's off planet," Oz said weakly. He lifted the arm off his eyes. "He's off planet, we have the woman who took him in custody, and she's going to talk one way or another. We're just waiting on that." He held up his arms and Ray slid into them, giving him a real hug. "Thanks."

"Of course we're comin' with you," Ray told him, giving him a smile. "We want the chance to beat this ho too."

Methos smiled at his Ray's tactic. Giving Oz support would make sure he wouldn't lose his temper soon. "Have you called to get us permission yet?" Oz shook his head, rolling so he was lying on top of Ray's comforting body. "Then I'll do that."

"We have an anomaly too," Oz said quietly. "We're not healing right."

"Excuse me?" Ray asked.

"Xander's had a torn muscle in his thigh now for over a day, and bruises for two, our time. Even I'm not healing that fast," he said, showing his own bruises from practicing with Danny. "We don't know why."

"We'll deal with that when the time comes," Methos said after some thought. "Maybe we'll work on that problem while we're waiting for the obviously suicidal woman to talk." He picked up the phone and dialed the base. "General Hammond please," he said calmly. "Yes, I know he's in a meeting, he's expecting this call. Do you think I care?" he asked coldly. "Then get Colonel O'Neill on the phone instead," he suggested. "Yes, he'll know who this is, tell him it's about Xander." He tapped his foot impatiently. "Jack? It's Adam. Yes, Oz is here. Has she talked?" He grimaced. "How much longer before they get back?" He checked his watch. "All right. May Ray and I come wait? Because otherwise Oz will lose his temper and she'll be dead before she can say a word." He smiled. "I tried, they said he's in a meeting and can't be bothered with this matter." He looked at the phone number. "Yes, that's here. We'll be waiting." He hung up. "He's going to go interrupt the meeting." He laid down beside Oz, holding him too. "I'm sorry I reacted so strongly, but we will get him back."

"Yeah, and if there's one thing Xander does real well, it's survive," Ray pointed out.

Oz nodded, letting himself be comforted for now.

***

General Hammond met the three men at the portal, smiling at the other couple. "I've just been handed a message. She's back at the palace and Nethisha all but killed her." He handed over the note, nodding at the portal. "The same rules apply to you two. If this works out, we'll probably be adding you to our roster of diplomats too, just to make it all legitimate." He waved a hand at the open portal. "You should go, the cub that came here impressed many people but she's already went back."

Oz nodded his thanks and headed up the ramp, letting the other two get their unremovable bracelets attached to their arms. He walked into the back of a guard, frowning at her. "Come to find us?" he asked her.

"Yes, sir, the Queen would like you to come back to the palace to witness the interrogation." She looked at Ray and Methos as they walked through. "More diplomats?"

"We're Xander's other husbands," Ray told her, shaking her hand. "I'm Ray, this is Adam. We're here to wait for him. We've been lonely."

She nodded. "A dynamic man like Xander must thrill you, I'd miss him too if he were mine." She ignored the soft growling Oz was doing. "Come, I'll fly you all to the palace. I'm sure the Queen would want to see you all." She led the way to the flying cart, waiting until they were all on to take off. "We think we may have narrowed it down to a section of space," she told them as she flew them. "The Marine reported he had checked her flight logs but she had erased the actual destination."

"How many planets does that leave?" Methos asked.

"About sixty solar systems in that section of space, fifty-two of which have habitable planets."

"That could still take days," Oz told himself.

Ray put a hand around Oz's waist. "He's survived longer than a few days. Remember, Xander is well trained to survive. You made sure of it." Oz nodded giving him a hug. "We'll find him, and then we'll do this woman as an example."

The guard looked at them. "You want to punish her in your courts?"

"No," Oz said, shaking himself. "What he means is that the last three people who have kidnaped Xander, and still been in possession of him when we got there, died." The guard frowned. "We don't expect Nethisha to do that to her, but a suitable punishment would appease our lust for justice."

The guard nodded. "Very good. I've heard that you're still a very violent race. I'm glad that not all of you are that way."

"No, not all," Ray said quietly. He looked at Methos, who shrugged. "I used to be a cop."

"A cop?" she asked, landing them in the palace's garden. "Is that like what I do?"

"I arrested the bad guys," Ray said with a faint grin. "Lots and lots of bad guys."

She nodded. "My sister does that job in the market. She serves with the unit that got the ferret." She looked at Oz. "You have no idea how much delight that animal has brought when they're up for inspection," she said dryly. "Everything goes missing."

"At least none of them have went into the market to find things," Methos told her, smiling at Oz. "I can just see Jedi doing that. She did manage that one time in the market in Miami."

Oz shook his head. "Don't remind me. That was as close to shoplifting as I'd like to ever come." He stepped off the cart, heading up to the palace, his men following him. He smiled slightly at the First Husband. "Is she here and talking?" he asked him as they walked together toward the throne room.

"She is here," he agreed, "but not talking. She's stubbornly refused, basing it on the old laws that said Xander is now married to her because he had no woman to speak for him and she had successfully kidnaped him."

Oz nodded. "She tried that with us, I told her the First Wife spoke for us. She said it didn't count because it wasn't his mother or aunt."

"Does he have a mother?" the First Husband asked. "We could solve this if you could get her up here."

"She's a vindictive bitch," Oz told him. "She'd sell him just to make him suffer." He walked into the throne room and right up to the woman, hitting her and knocking her down. "I tried to tell you," he warned, staring down at her. "Where is my mate? If you don't tell me, I'm going to ask for permission to *question* you myself."

Nethisha cleared her throat. "Before you go that far, introduce me to your friends," she suggested mildly.

"We're Xander's other husbands," Ray said, bowing to her. "We were lonely and wished to come wait for him with Oz."

"I had no idea your people are so liberal," she said with a smile.

"We're not, but that doesn't make our bond any less true," Methos said gently. "Oz and Xander's marriage isn't recognized by our people, but we have had a ceremony and are bound together. In the city of Boston as a matter of fact."

"Is that near New York?" Siblinth asked absently from a seat off to the side of her mother's.

"Just above it," Methos said, bowing to her. "If you're going to be coming down there, I would be happy to show you some of our American cities. Boston is one of the oldest we have."

She nodded. "I would like that." She looked at her mother. "Am I going?"

"That is the present plan," Nethisha sighed. She got up and walked down to hug Oz. "I promise you, she will talk. There is no need to become more violent, we have our own means and none of them leave a mark."

"But leaving the marks is the satisfying part," Methos told her. He pulled Oz over, hugging him tightly so he couldn't hit her again. "He apologizes for his behavior, but he is quite upset. Never has Xander been taken this far from him before, not even when his other mate had him."

She nodded. "I can see the cause for his worry. We are narrowing it down from the information we're getting from her ship."

"The guard that brought us mentioned fifty-two possible solar systems," Ray told her. "I had no idea that there were that many habitable places in the universe. Our people are just now looking for other habitable places outside of our solar system and they seem to have to go a long ways away and hardly find anything."

She smiled at him. "There seems to be pockets here and there. We know he's in a clump of solar systems that are marked as possible for colonization. Most of them are even along some of the trade routes." She looked at Oz. "You have a wonderful taste in husbands. We are asking for help from the shipping merchants also. If anyone saw her course, we'll know within a day."

"And how long to get there after that?" Methos asked.

"As it took her less than a few hours, it should be about the same," Nethisha told him. "A larger ship would take longer, but not by much. We'll be taking my private ship on the search and it can get to the outer planet of this pocket in about four hours."

"So the search is the real time?" Oz asked, looking hopeful. "Xander can last for a few days."

"Yes, I'm sure he can," she assured him. "You have done a marvelous job of helping Xander find himself and training him to become self-sufficient."

"You've been places where you had to camp," Ray reminded Oz. "He can do that, even with an injured thigh."

"There's a chance there would be housing," Siblinth said, getting up and walking over to them, putting her notepad aside. "Many of those planets had an experimental colony house put on them to gauge the effects of the atmosphere and environment on a theoretical colony." She smiled teasingly at Methos then turned to Ray. "Xander has spoken of you two to those of us who are very loyal to him. You must be Adam, who was helping teach him how to make us beautiful stuff, and you must be Ray," she said, mixing them up.

Ray shook his head, giving her the same sort of smile. "You've got us backwards. I'm Ray, he's Adam. I just watch him make the pretty stuff, like you do."

She laughed. "Yes, it is most arousing." She looked at the woman on the floor. "Mother, should I make the report to the Empress that we have her and need a telepath for questioning?"

"Please," Nethisha said quietly, watching her heir walk out of the throne room. "She is quite competent."

"She is," Oz agreed. "In a few decades, when you retire to spend some time enjoying the cats, I'm sure she'll be a good Queen." He gave her a hug. "Don't worry, we'll watch out for her when she's on our planet. Even if we're in another city, we'll have someone watching over her for you."

Nethisha smiled. "Thank you." She looked at Methos. "Are you the one Xander said taught him many things when he was younger?"

Methos nodded. "I am. I taught him to enjoy himself and the things around him. That was before he was with Oz. We had broken up at that point and I had my Ray." He ran his hand through the back of Ray's currently red hair. "Xander pulled us together after he and Oz got together."

Oz smiled at Methos. "He taught me long before he met Xander though. We both wanted you to come into our relationship. You added some stability when we needed it in the early times."

"A release valve?" Nethisha suggested.

"Exactly," Ray said, giving her a very slight smile. He really didn't want to come onto her. "Xander and Oz used to have some pretty bad fights. Oz used to be much more possessive and careful of Xander's safety."

"Yes, and then he learned how to fight," Methos sighed, rolling his eyes.

Nethisha laughed. "I'm sure you worked it out."

"Yup, but I have a leash for Xander sitting at home," Oz told her. "He's wearing it just as soon as we find him. I'm not letting him out of my sight for *weeks*."

"Good," she said firmly. "I'm sure you'll both need the time." She looked at the other couple. "And the two of you can come and tell me stories?"

"Sure," Ray told her. "Methos studies history, I'm sure he can find something. All I have to offer is stories about some of our criminal element as I used to arrest them."

Methos caressed the back of his husband's head again. "You know about much more than that, my Ray. You have the stories of our travels."

"Point," Ray said with a grin to his mate. Then he kissed Oz on the cheek. "Come on, let's get you home so we can drop off our bags. We'll eat and cuddle then come back to check in."

Nethisha smiled. "Thank you. I'm sure we'll have information from her shortly." She watched as they led Oz away, turning to look at her husband. "A very interesting dynamic."

"And not totally true. They're part of Xander and Oz's relationship, but they have one of their own. More of an intertwined set of couples." He stepped in and kissed his wife slowly, making her moan. "I'm sure it was just because they didn't know how to explain it to us though."

She nodded. "Probably. Has the daughter found anyone to blow this one's mind apart yet?"

"She has. They're on their way. The Empress is sending her second wife, who is much stronger than I am."

"And if we can't, then we do this the hard way," Nethisha agreed with his silent comment. "Xander will last that long, he's proven he's very resourceful." She looked at the woman on the floor again, sneering at her. "For your punishment, I should make you marry a human," she swore. "As you like them enough to kidnap one and enact the oldest marriage laws we have."

"Maybe one of the diplomats," he husband suggested lightly. "This group seems quite decent most of the time. Still horribly formal, but very controlled. Their lead male is quite a strong man, maybe she would enjoy him."

"Yes, maybe," Nethisha said, smiling cruelly down at the woman she wanted to beat.

***

Xander leaned on his shovel, looking at the shallow hole he had managed to dig in the last few hours. "How's that?" he asked the spirit.

"That would be fine, thank you." He smiled sadly as his body was shoved into the hole and arranged. "Hopefully those who come to rescue you will take me back to my people." He watched as Xander sat down to fill back in the dirt with his hands. "Is this some strange burial ritual?"

"No, this is my thigh is killing me and I'm tired," Xander admitted as he continued to throw in the dirt. "Sorry, I guess I'm still a little cranky. I was having such a good day until she did that."

"It's understandable. I would have been having a wonderful day myself if I hadn't been with my betrothed when I was kidnaped. I suspect it was something of an honor to be taken like that, but I liked most of my life. Now look at me."

Xander looked him over, noticing the sunken cheeks and stomach. "You're too thin but I know I saw food in there."

"I was doing fine for the first three days," the ghost said as he mimicked Xander's position on the ground. "She had to go back and file the paperwork I suppose. She left me a signaling beacon, which I used at the first opportunity. The freighter didn't even inquire, it just kept going. I used it on the second ship, but I was very weak then. They sent down a scout, but he left before coming into the house, where I was passed out."

Xander shook his head. "I wouldn't have stopped."

"I know, but they were on a long trip and another person wouldn't have helped them any. So they left," he sighed, his breath barely blowing Xander's hair. "I faded away, hurt by their callus disregard of my situation."

"And so you died," Xander finished. The ghost nodded. "Sounds reasonable to me. Does this signal still work?"

"The charge on it died after the second use," the ghost told him. "You might be able to fix it."

"I'm not that technologically advanced," Xander said, thinking as he tossed more dirt onto the bones. He caught sight of his bracelet, his signal to say he was him back through the portal so he wouldn't get shot. He stuck his arm up in the air and set it off, then checked his watch. "I'll do that every six hours," he told the ghost. "It should last that long."

"What sort of signal is that?"

"It's one back to our home world. My mate wears one just like it, only with a slightly different code built into it."

"Then they'll know it's you," the ghost said happily. "How long do you think it will take him to find you?"

"It depends on how soon they find the bitch that dropped me here," Xander said quietly, staring at the bones. "It could be a few days or it could be hours. We didn't travel that far from the world I was on."

"Which one was that?"

"I'm not sure," Xander said with a wry grin. "We can't pronounce it."

"Tdnthsh probably. It was renamed right before I was kidnaped. I spent hours mapping our position by the stars," he said, looking up. "I could never figure out where I was." He looked down at his former body. "Hurry up and I'll walk you back to the house. There's food rations in there for tonight."

Xander forced himself to stand up and shovel the rest of the dirt into the hole.

***

Oz listlessly groomed his kitten while they were waiting on the summons, ignoring the comforting people around him. He wanted his Xander back, damn it! Why were they making fun of his need? Xander was the one who kept him sane, kept him from getting into a really bad fight and losing. Now he was gone and Oz was going to end up jumping one of the immortals around him if they didn't leave him alone. He glared a warning at Ray when he got patted on the head again.

"Sorry, Oz," Ray said, sitting down to help him groom the cat. "How you holdin' up?"

"I'm cranky," Oz told him plainly.

"Oz, don't be like that with us," Methos ordered quietly. "It's not our fault."

"Yeah, but it's not mine either!" Oz pointed out harshly.

"We're sorry, Oz," Sam said, giving him a bright smile. "I'm sure we'll know something very soon." She and her crew left, leaving them to soothe Oz's nerves.

Methos sat down beside his best friend, offering him some silent comfort. "They didn't understand," he said finally. "They can't understand what Xander means to you and I." He gave his husband a fond look. "Even Ray doesn't understand what it means to be the stability that you cling to so the world has meaning for you again." Oz relaxed against him. "Even if we have to search every planet, we'll find him, Oz. I swear, I won't rest until he's come back home." Oz relaxed fully, sliding into his side. "Would you like to rest while we wait? Gather some strength for the search?"

"I wouldn't be able to," Oz said quietly. "I keep seeing him being horribly alone and tortured."

"I'm sure he's fine," Ray said, snuggling into him. "C'mon, Oz, I'll hold you for a few minutes. We'll rest." He helped Oz onto the bed and held onto him tightly.

***

Xander laughed as he gathered small teal peppers, blue things that might be edible, and a few pieces of fruit. "How long did it take you to decide what was edible?" he asked his ghostly friend.

"A few years. It gave me something to do." He pointed at some snails. "If you gather their sap, dry it out and then reduce it over heat, you get bouglanth."

"Eww," Xander said, shuddering. "We were told it was *sap*, like tree sap!"

"I'm sorry," the ghost said, giving him a smile. "How much have you eaten?"

"A lot," Xander said, shifting his make-shift carrysack across his back. "Are there any known side effects, other than gas pains?"

"Not that I know of," the ghost said, leading the way back into the house. "Okay, the trick to those peppers is to *not*cook them. They become *very* hot that way." Xander groaned. "Trust me, you can eat them raw, they're very soft and tasteful. I spent a lot of time eating them when I was at home. They were a treat back then, newly bred."

Xander tossed his sack onto the table and sorted out his food. "Do we have a knife?" He got a head shake so patted himself down, coming up with his pocket knife. "Ah-ha!" He sat down with a sigh of relief, the pain was off his thigh for a while. "So, what do I do with these? I have no real talent for cooking."

The ghost floated over and looked down at him. "I had servants," he said with a shrug. "All I know is that you can eat the peppers whole. The blue things are usually sliced and presented pleasingly with some rolls, and the fruit was usually eaten whole." He sat down across from Xander, watching as he watched as the young man cut everything up. "What do you do at home?"

"I make jewelry and I sew, and I spend a lot of time being pampered by my Oz." He gave him a sad smile. "I'm going to be miserable while I'm here. I hate being away from Oz." He went back to his chopping. "We've tried to be alone for a while, but I hated it each time." He licked his fingers off, including the cut he had just received. "Is there clean water?"

"There is," the ghost said, pointing at the tap in the wall. "It should be hooked up still, but I'd let it run for a while to clear out the pipes." He watched as the young man got up to go run some water for his dinner. He hoped the boy's Oz came soon. He wouldn't want the young man to share his fate, he was very nice.

***

Oz blinked, surprised to be waking up. "I fell asleep?"

"For nearly an hour," Ray whispered from behind him. "You didn't even dream that we could tell."

Oz rolled over, giving his friend a hug. "Thanks for holding me."

"Hey, always welcome," Ray said with a grin. "Methos is down talking to someone in the market about the stuff you guys have been eating. He thinks he's figured something out about your diet."

"Besides the fact that it's treat heavy?" Blair asked from the doorway. He smiled at Oz. "I just called up there, the telepathic inquisitor has arrived. Still no news. The First Wife sent the girl flying across the room with a slap when she got in." He nodded behind him. "I'm going to go get a snack, want some?"

"Please," Ray told him. "Maybe something light but sturdy?"

"Sure. Sandwiches?"

"Please," Oz agreed, closing his eyes again. "I'll be down soon."

"Don't worry about it, Jack's got it," Blair said, then he left them alone.

Oz looked up at Ray. "Can I do this for a while longer?"

"Sure. I'm comfy, you're comfy. It's all good as Xander would say." He kissed Oz on the forehead.

Blair came running back in. "Nethisha just called, they're starting to do it the hard way, you're to report in the next hour with clothes for the both of you, with your other two too."

Ray slid out of Oz's arms. "Okay. We can do that." He grabbed their bag and went to get some clothes for Xander and Oz too. "Come on," he said once they were packed, getting Oz up and moving. "Let's go search for the Xander."

"Fifty-two planets?" Oz asked quietly. He caught a flash of light around his hand and looked down. "His signal bracelet," he said quietly. "He's got one." He hurried out, making Ray keep up with him. They had something to go on, it would help. He had hope.

***

Nethisha showed them to their room on the ship, giving Oz a pat on the back. "Relax, we've input the code from your bracelet and we've told the Empress' shipper's office about it. If anyone's seen it, we'll be told while we're on the way. Relax for the next few hours until we get to that section of space."

Oz nodded. "I'll try." He walked in and tossed the bag into the closet, falling back into Ray's arms for the comfort. He found himself starting to drift off to sleep again almost instantly.

Methos gave Ray a secretive smile and removed the small skin patch they'd had the Queen put on Oz. "Thank you," he told her, walking her to her suite. "How long are we estimating this to take?"

"We'll start at the outer limit of her path and move backwards. That narrows it down to about thirty systems." She patted him on the arm. "Even if it takes more than a week, he should be fine. None of those planets are on the 'hard living' list. They should have plentiful food and my daughter did an exhaustive search for which ones had been tested for colony worthiness. Those will have a house there and possibly even some crops planted as a test." She kissed him on the cheek. "If you need more help with him, just ask," she said quietly, going into her room.

Methos went back to the room he'd be sharing with Oz, closing the door gently and sitting down for takeoff. "A week possibly," he said quietly. "But a few of the planets have a house and a some crops planted to test their worthiness. We've narrowed it down to thirty systems."

"Better than fifty-two," Ray pointed out.

"Yes, and we'll be narrowing it down farther fairly quickly I hope," Methos said, grabbing onto the sides of the bed as the ship rocked. Then there wasn't anymore movement. "Was that all?"

"They're very advanced," Ray reminded him with a grin. "This ship was built for official comfort, I doubt the stresses of taking off and landing were wanted."

Methos shook his head, but he was smiling. "I think it wouldn't be wanted either." He nodded at Oz. "Are you all right with him? I was going to pull out that book and start it over again, maybe I'll find an answer to the problem Xander and Oz have been having."

Ray shrugged. "I'm happy to be an Oz cuddle toy and pillow. It's my second favorite spot in the whole world, right after being yours." They shared a kiss. "Go study."

"I'm going to do it here," Methos said as he grabbed their bag and pulled out his book. He felt a little dizzy so sat back down quickly. He cleared his mind as he started to read, falling into the text.

***

Xander laid down on the hard bed, curling around the blankets. It was warm so he didn't need them, but he couldn't really sleep alone, he was too used to sleeping on top of Oz's chest to sleep flat anymore. "This is not good," he told himself. "One day down and how many to go? If it was just a matter of finding a friendly demon I could be home right now. I might have to go back to Colorado and come over again, but it would be really nice if I could open a portal to home. Or even see Lissa or Strife right now. They'd probably laugh, but at least they'd give me a hug and make me feel like Oz was on the way." He turned over, bringing his lump of blankets with him to continue to cuddle. "It only took her a few hours to get me here, how much longer will it take Oz?"

"Xander, did you want to talk?" the ghost called through the door.

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"YES!"

"All right, I'll be out here looking up at the stars if you need me."

Xander felt horrible but he didn't get up, he'd explain to him tomorrow. He just needed time to sulk. Surely the other man remembered having days like that. He almost forced himself to get up, but he didn't. He put his wrist up and pushed his bracelet's button, sending his code out into the stars. Maybe someone would see it this time.

A freighter communication director looked up at her captain. "Sir, we're getting some sort of strange code from a vacant planet," she reported.

The captain leaned over her shoulder to look at it. "I've never seen one like that. Report it to the head office and keep going. If it's anything they'll know and send on word." He went back to his seat and sat down, watching the stars go by. "Those sort of things happen in this area of space," he told her. "My grandfather told me that he once encountered something like a dead signal out here, it was something coming off a star. Drove his com people crazy for months every time they came past here."

She nodded and made the report, then went back to scanning for other ships.

***

Oz woke up as he heard the door open, giving the woman standing there a blank look. "News?"

"Some," the First Wife said, coming in and shutting the door. "There was a report of an anomalous signal from our target area. It doesn't narrow it down much, and there's been signals like this reported before, but it does give us a more specific direction."

Oz nodded, giving her a small smile. "Thanks. How far does this narrow it down?"

"To about twenty-six."

"So, half of where we started," Ray said, giving Oz a squeeze. "How long before we get there?"

"A few more hours." She looked down at Oz. "If he's not there and this is one of those anomalous signals, then we'll be starting back this way and working our way out. But there is good news," she said with a smile. "The Empress has authorized two Marines to come help us search, we'll be meeting up with them at the signal's interception point."

"Which'll cut the search time down even more," Oz said, starting to look happier. He got up and gave her a hug. "Tell Nethisha she's a great woman for me. This means a lot to us that you'd help us this way." He climbed back in next to Ray. "I'm going to be in here, otherwise I'll be in the way."

She nodded. "We understand. When you're ready, there's an observation lounge over the bridge and you can find us up there. We'll send you food in a while, when we eat." She nodded at the other two men and went back to her wife's side. "Oz looks decimated," she said as she curled up against her wife's stomach.

"He loves Xander very much," Nethisha said, running her fingers though her wife's hair. "Did he give you a hug?"

"He did," she said, smiling up at her wife. "He was very grateful for the news, but his younger husband is still holding onto him."

"Ris, this is very odd to me, but we will get through this."

"A little challenge is better than a major crisis," Ris reminded her lightly.

"Yes, and thank all the Goddesses and Gods that it's not a major crisis. The alliance could be in real trouble if we don't find Xander quickly. The humans are being quite understanding."

"They're probably watching us for our reaction to the crisis," Ris said quietly. "We would be doing the same."

"Yes, but those diplomats aren't throwing a fit like ours would. I don't understand the humans some days."

"Maybe they think Xander is expendable. They are overcrowded."

"Yes, they are," Nethisha said, giving her wife a squeeze. "Then again, Xander is unique but this is a secret project. I'm sure the diplomats are going to be giving our daughter problems soon."

"Probably," Ris agreed. "She's strong, she'll deal with them and make them see we're doing all we can."

"Hopefully that nice General won't have to decapitate anyone."

"I don't think they do that anymore in the military. I think they've moved past that punishment."

"Pity, it's very useful."

"True."

***

Siblinth looked down at Sam, Jack, and the lead diplomat Webb, and nearly sighed. "My mother said that they've gotten a clue about the area, but they're still traveling to there. They are sending back regular messages." Sam and Jack both nodded, looking happy. Webb did not. "I'm sorry I can't give you more, but I can only tell you what I know, and I'll send messages as soon as I know." Sam and Jack nodded again.

"What will happen to this woman?" Webb asked haughtily.

Sam glared at him. "They're doing the best they can. The punishment should be *after* we find out how massive the crime is. Let's concentrate on getting Xander back before we hang her up by her ..."

"Breasts?" Jack suggested. Sam glared at him. "It would be a suitable punishment in my book," he said with a shrug. He looked up at Siblinth. "I think there's a misunderstanding though. Someone told us that the court will be closed, even to the victim."

Siblinth sighed. "It's closed to all outside. There will be a person there to give Xander's side of the story, they'll be spending some time with Xander to get his full story and all his impressions." She shifted in her mother's throne. "The court has three judges, all three are telepathic. Xander's advocate will also be telepathic, that way she'll be able to give Xander's full story and impressions. This woman will be allowed to defend herself, and she will have the right to an advocate of her own. There is no one else allowed in the court during the proceedings. That is the way our judicial system is set up."

Webb nodded. "That's perfectly understandable. Is there a way we could watch, say on a camera of some sort?"

She shook her head. "Cameras are not allowed. Nothing said in the court is allowed out into the rest of the world so we don't influence public perception. The judgement will be stated for public consumption, as will the charges against her, once it's all done with."

"But her family..." Sam started.

"Will have to wait as you will," Siblinth told her. "No one is allowed in the court, that way nothing said in there can get out. It saves...face I believe is the phrase?"

"Honor maybe?" Webb suggested. She nodded. "So that no one will know exactly what the victim went through and their reputation isn't affected by it?"

She nodded and grinned. "Exactly, you do understand!"

"Mostly," he agreed. "What sort of punishment is she looking at?"

"For the kidnapping charge, quite some time in our version of prison. Xander may be a male but he is a diplomat. Her taking him endangers our burgeoning alliance." He nodded so she went on. "If he is harmed besides the kidnapping, then she may be looking at other charges."

Webb nodded, looking relieved. "Thank you for clarifying that." He glanced at Sam. "May I speak with some of your lawyers? I work with military lawyers at home."

"We do have a legal minister on the negotiations team," Siblinth told him. "She and Oz have had quite a few discussions. Are you bringing up another lawyer?"

"I'm trying to get one of the ones I deal with up here," he told her. "She's one of the toughest lawyers I know and I think she could deal with this rather well. We're waiting on security approval."

Siblinth laughed. "You make so many things complicated," she told him.

"Our whole system is twisted and complicated," Jack told her. "Just to get to Sam's position, you have to prove you can kiss ass and prove that you don't do it all the time so you can make the hard decisions."

Sam rolled her eyes. "I never had to prove I could suck up to my superiors, sir. I had to prove I wasn't smarter than them, it made them mad."

Siblinth giggled. "Really?"

Sam nodded. "Unfortunately so. Human men can be intimidated by overly smart women, especially when they're looking at having to serve under you some day." She looked at Jack. "Of course, some men are just scared of scientists."

"I'm not *scared* of scientists, I just don't like them," Jack told her, patting her on the shoulder. "They seem to mess up my life a lot." He looked over at Webb. "Want us to walk you back? I'm going to go give Hammond an update."

Webb nodded. "Please. I need to call my mother." He bowed to the Crown Princess. "Thank you for explaining this to us."

"I would like to meet an average mother when I come down to set up formal diplomatic missions. Do you believe your mother might talk with me?"

Webb shrugged. "I can ask. She's usually very happy to brag about me," he said, giving her a faint smile. He bowed to her and followed Jack out.

Sam looked up at the Princess. "His mother is one of our upper class," she said once the men were gone. "There are many types of mothers. Even some in the military. If you asked, we could set up interviews with quite a few of them, and arrange for you to go tour schools to look at average children of many social classes."

She smiled. "I think I would like that. It must be very different to provide such different people with their life's work."

"Sometimes," Sam agreed, bowing to her. "I'm going to go back to our house and wait for more information. Please call on us if you need us." She headed home, running into Jack outside the palace. "She wants to talk to a lot of mothers and tour schools," she told Webb.

"We can do that. You think she'll be disappointed?"

"Why not, we are," she said, walking on. "I'm going home. Please make sure we get some more nuts, sir."

"Sure, Carter," Jack called after her. He shook his head. "After a year and a few months, you'll start craving nuts and chocolate too," he assured the diplomat. "Come on, let's go make a report." They walked toward the market, the shortest way to get to the portal home.

***

Xander walked out to the garden area, smiling at the ghost. "I'm sorry."

"I figure you were trying to soothe yourself," he said softly.

"I was," Xander agreed. "Well, technically I was sulking."

The ghost nodded. "I did that for my first few days too," he agreed. "It's very cathartic."

Xander smiled. "I knew you'd understand." He shot off another signal into the sky. "Any idea if there's been any ships coming past?"

"No, unfortunately we don't have the technology for that now that the signal beacon is dead." He looked over at the slumped form. "I'm sure it'll be sometime in the next week. Even if they have to do a planet-by-planet search of this region it shouldn't take more than a week." He grinned. "And if you're here more than three weeks, then you officially own the planet by our rules."

Xander groaned and laid down on the ground. "That would really mess up my taxes. Oz!" he called. "Hurry up!" He sent off another signal. "I don't want to own a planet."

The ghost laughed, rolling around on the ground beside his new friend.

***

"My Queen," a voice from down on the bridge called up. "We're within range to start scanning the first planet. The Marines have made contact and they're taking the outlying planets since they have the faster ships."

Nethisha got up and walked over to the railing, looking down at her Captain. "Thank you, dear. I'll inform our guests." She turned but her First Husband was disappearing down the hall to go talk to them. "He likes them," she noted to her First Wife as she laid back down in her arms.

"He does. There aren't many men around the palace that stir his intellect." She smiled at the hallway as her husband came back. "They're not coming?"

"Oz is resting again. Adam said he would come out in a few minutes." He snuggled in with them again, resting against his main wife's stomach. "Do you think they'll be added to the negotiations?" he asked casually.

"I'll try and get them added," Nethisha agreed, stroking through his hair. "Would you like to have your brothers come stay for a while again?"

"No," he said with a grin. "My brothers are all too busy helping their wives to come and spend time lazing around the palace with me." He kissed her on the stomach. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, love. Anything for you, you know that." She smiled at Adam as he walked in, followed by Oz. "If you'd like, we can have dinner brought in here," she offered. She looked behind them. "The third one?"

"He's taking a shower," Oz said, snuggling into Methos' arms. "Ray very gently handed me to him and told him to keep me company." He sat down in one of the other marshmallow chairs, pulling Methos down into his side. "So, we're there?"

"We're where they picked up the signal," the First Wife told him. "We're almost at the first planet we're going to be scanning."

Footsteps came up the stairs from the bridge and the woman was frowning. "My Queen, we have found the source of the signal. It's not him but it is a shipwrecked colony ship."

The Queen frowned. "Report it and wait for orders from Central Planet." She looked over at Oz. "It's a temporary delay. We have many ships that can come and help them, most of them are larger than ours."

Oz nodded. "I understand."

"We'll even continue to scan the nearby planets," the First Husband said quietly.

"The Marines will also be scanning some of the planets farther out," Nethisha added. "We're not stopping our search, Oz."

"No, it's okay. A whole planet of people that are wrecked is probably more desperate and have been out here longer. I can have patience."

Nethisha smiled at him. "Thank you, Oz. It will only be a few days delay at the most, our ships are very fast and Central Planet is close enough to get large ships here in less than two days."

"The Empire's that big?" Methos asked.

"It is," Nethisha said lightly. "It goes on very far. We're near the center of the Empire. There's planets that it takes weeks to get to each way."

"What rate of speed do you travel?" Ray asked as he walked out. "We have a TV show, don't know if you've heard of those yet, where the ships travel at exponentials of the speed of light." He sat down between Oz's thighs, resting against his stomach like the women were.

Nethisha got up and looked over the railing. "I was just asked a technical question, could I have someone to come up and answer?" she asked politely.

A young woman walked up the stairs and stopped, looking at them. "I'm the Engineer, my Queen, how may I help you and your guests?"

"Do you know what a TV show is?" Ray asked her. She frowned but nodded a little. "Well, I asked about something that one of ours has. The show, a work of futuristic fantasy, has ships moving at exponentials of the speed of light and I was wondering how fast we were going."

She smiled. "I can answer that, though I'm not sure how the ...show did it."

"With an anti-matter vs matter engine," Oz told her. "The reaction gave the power."

She shuddered and wrapped her arms around her chest. "That sounds incredibly dangerous." She shook her head. "We use a sonic wave system to propel us. Our cruising speed is..." She frowned and looked down over the railing. "What do they use as the steady rate of light?" she asked in the native language. "The humans have a fantasy story with a funny engine and they wanted to see how we do it." Someone yelled something up a few seconds later. "Thank you." She turned back to Ray. "We go about three times the speed of light, as you put it, at cruising speed, which is our most usual speed. During emergencies or battles, we go about 60 times that."

Ray nodded. "That's really cool. Thank you." He looked at Methos. "Did you pack my books?"

Methos groaned and nodded. "I've got all three of the ones you threw into the bag."

"If you'd like, I brought some of the books in the first series," Ray offered.

The Engineer smiled. "I might look at that later. It sounds interesting." She nodded at the Queen and went back down to her work.

"Is this a popular show?" Nethisha asked. "It also has books?"

"It's not one series, it's a set of series all spun off the same idea," Ray told her, rolling onto his side so he could look at her. "The first series was less technical but the later versions of the series, set later in time, are more technical and more exciting with more species included. I'm a fan of the later stuff but not really the early stuff."

"The series' have been turned into books and added to," Oz added. "Each part of the series has their own series of books associated with it. We even have fan conventions where the fans get together and celebrate the series while arguing about which series within the universe is better."

Nethisha smiled brightly. "I would like to know more about this."

"We can get you all the books you want," Adam told her. "I'm sure there's at least one person on the base that has the full set of books and possibly tapes."

"How would you watch those?" the First Husband asked.

"We could import a tv and vcr," Oz told him. "As long as we can rig up a power source, we can do that. The General would probably like that quite a lot. Star Trek is our largest source of futuristic fiction and what a lot of people hope our future is like."

"I would like to see that," Nethisha told him. "When we get home, we'll beg the most amusing General to get it hooked up for us."

Oz grinned. "Cool. We'll arrange it. Just don't let Webb laugh about it. He's the sort that doesn't really believe in science fiction."

Ray looked up at him. "Was that the stiff guy we nodded at as we ran past?"

Oz nodded. "Yup, he's the head diplomat. He works with the JAG office in DC and with the State Department."

"At least he's used to dealing with unfamiliar situations," Ray said, snuggling in. "Is he helping Hammond too?"

"He didn't know about the project. He told me he laughed when he first was briefed that he was coming over, he said he thought it was a joke." Oz stroked through Ray's hair. "He actually walked out of his boss' office and went to file a complaint about the joke his boss was playing on him. Then someone from the Prez's office came and told him that it wasn't a joke and that he was coming over here to deal with a problem."

Ray looked up and grinned. "Is he good?"

"He's very competent but he's not happy. He's out of his element in a lot of ways. He even said that he's having problems keeping his focus because he's distracted."

Nethisha laughed. "He is a bit stiff for our tastes but he is decent and he does keep his people in line."

Oz nodded. "Besides that first day, we haven't had to ride any of the diplomats." She looked interested. "One of the male diplomats got there after Sam had finished her 'they don't want humans' speech and he propositioned a woman. Sam grabbed him by his hair and I got to yell at him. Webb arrived while we were fixing the situation and straightened everyone out real fast."

She straightened up a little bit. "Good, then I like him even more. Did you yell at him?"

"And hit him a few times," Oz agreed. "He deserved it. We planned Sam's speech very carefully. She even showed up in native clothing to shock them into proper behavior."

The First Wife smiled. "That was an inspired plan. It would let her know who was going to be a problem. Fortunately we haven't had any problems from them yet. They're very professional."

"That's the criteria they were picked by," Oz told her. "Professionalism and the ability to deal with strange situations."

"It worked," Methos said, stroking over Oz's arm. "I'm sure we can keep them in line very well, even if there is a problem. I met one in the market and she was pleasant but very distant."

"Yes, we've met her," the First Wife said dryly. "Very formal and stiff."

"She's not going to unfreeze," Oz said sadly. "She sees this as an assignment and she's the sort that the job is more important than anything in her life."

The First Wife shrugged. "She does good work and does it easily. We are pleased with that."

"Is there any area that we still need people?" Ray asked.

"There is but we're moving slower in those areas," the First Wife told him. "A legal representative isn't really needed yet. We will have to start teaching Siblinth how to deal with the diplomatic situation she'll have when she comes to New York."

"How long will that be?" Ray asked.

"Within a year," Oz told him. "We're setting them up for introduction in about a year and then about six months later to set up formal diplomatic quarters in New York to talk to the other countries. Xander's officially up here to chronicle some of their stories to put them into the mainstream of science fiction, get people around their surprise and paranoia."

"Why would they be paranoid?" the First Husband asked. "We're very nice people."

"Because some humans have decided that any aliens would want to kidnap them and use them for experiments," Ray said dryly. "There's even stories now about people being abducted and given..." Methos put his hand over Ray's mouth.

"Some people are paranoid because they like to think that they're the top species in the universe," he explained.

"And there are some who really believe that they've been abducted and forced to endure sexual experiments," Oz finished.

"It's a strange dichotomy," Ray agreed. "Some people think aliens can be good guys and we can be friends. Some people think that they're going to be coming after them for being humans. I guess that's why Xander's up here, to get some good information of your history into our world."

"Yup," Oz agreed. "He's sent back three novels worth and his editor was kinda excited. He thought they were different enough to sell pretty well. It'll eventually come out that Xander was getting inspiration for them but not that we were here already."

Nethisha nodded. "That sounds most reasonable. Maybe the paranoid ones won't cause too many problems."

"Hopefully not noticeably," Ray told her. "They're more underground and subversive."

The Queen nodded. "I can see how that would work best to spread fears." She looked at Oz. "Should I be the one to make first contact? It might help."

"It could," Oz agreed. "Webb is the best person to engineer that. He's got the contacts to make the first official meeting go smoothly and look good to the general public, even the ones who don't believe in aliens."

"There are people like that?" the First Husband asked. "They think that they're alone?"

"They do," Ray agreed. "Some of it is religion saying that their God made the Earth from nothingness. They say that he only created Earth."

"There's even some who believe that things like our landing on our moon wasn't real because God wouldn't let them off the planet," Adam told her. "They're a very small minority."

"Then there's some who believe that it might be possible but not very probable."

"And there's some that believe, or want to believe, so strongly that they go looking for you guys," Ray finished. "Like a lot of things on our world, it's all mixed up and confusing."

Nethisha looked thoughtful. "We'll arrange this meeting carefully then. It would not due to make a lot of your people upset."

"They'll get over it," Oz said blandly. "They'll see you're not bad, going to kidnap and enslave them, and it'll all be okay after a few months. Humans are nothing if not adaptable."

She laughed. "Good, then we'll start planning it now." She rang a bell and a waiter walked in with a tray of food. "Eat, you all could probably use the food."

***

Xander sighed as he sent another signal into the air. "Three weeks," he said glumly, laying back in the garden. "I'm going to kill him."

"No you won't," the ghost sighed. "You won't kill him. You'll kiss him and hold him tightly because he is coming."

"Then what's keeping him?" Xander asked angrily. "He's never taken this long before to save me."

"Maybe the woman is being stubborn. They can be that way," the ghost reminded him, sitting beside him on the ground. "She might have even given them the wrong coordinates."

"Maybe," Xander agreed, going back to his depressed state. "It's still been three weeks."

"He'll be here soon," the ghost soothed. "Why don't you gather some of those new herbs and see if we can make a soup with them? That will take some time."

"No offense, but I don't really feel like soup. I feel like eating pitiful food." Xander rolled onto his stomach and looked around the garden. "What else haven't I tried?"

"The little blue balls," the ghost said, pointing. "They look ripe finally."

"What are they?"

"A berry. It makes you hyper and gives you energy."

"We have something like that. Do you dry it out and steep it?"

"No, we eat it whole and then shudder from the taste. It's horrible but it works." He watched as Xander sighed and put his head down to rest. "Xander, you have to get up or you'll end up like me."

"No I won't."

"Yes, you will. Trust me, I was there for a few weeks myself."

Xander turned his head to look at him. "I'm semi-immortal. The only way I'm dying anytime soon is by someone taking my head off."

"Oh." The ghost looked startled. "Are all your people like that?"

"No. Just a very few of us." He went back to watching the plants grow. "Most of us don't even know about people like me."

"And your Oz?"

"I'm this way because I'm soul-bound with my Oz. He's naturally like that and I picked up on it when we were joined."

"Oh. Well, that's very interesting. I won't tell anyone that comes to pick us up of course. I doubt you want this spread around." Xander shook his head. "At least you'll be around for a while, no matter where your Oz is."

"He'd better be on his way here," Xander said lightly, rolling onto his back, sending another signal into the sky. He jerked as his bracelet zapped him. "Ow!" He lifted it as far as he could so he could look under it. "You're not supposed to shock me." He tried it again but he got shocked again. "Sam, I need you to come fix this!" he yelled.

"Tell me more about your world," the ghost suggested. Anything to get Xander's attention back towards staying alive. No matter what sort of far-fetched story he told about his life expectancy, no one was immortal.

"Well, my life is really different. I'm wealthy, which a lot of our people aren't. I write, which isn't real common either. Neither is being gay or being with a few men." He sighed. "Neither is worshiping multiple, old Gods." He sat up, looking around. "My Gods. They could get to the house. Maybe they can get here." He forced himself to get up and head into the emergency supplies. His thigh was better but still twinging when he stood up or sat down. He found something like a candle and pulled it out, lighting it on the fire he had finally managed to start on his third day there. He put the candle on the table and prayed as hard as he could, hoping that one of his Gods would hear him and tell Oz where he was. Or even that any other Gods might hear him; Lissa had been really nice so far, maybe she or her mother would hear him.

***

Oz sat up, feeling something strange, but shrugged it off.

"What's wrong?" Ray asked, stroking across Oz's flat stomach.

"Thought I heard the Xander praying for me to hurry up," Oz said, rolling into Ray's body to hide his face in the welcoming shoulder.

"Maybe you did," Ray suggested. "We are all bound in strange and unusual ways. No one's sure whether or not we can send stuff to each other in times of really bad stress." He gave Oz a hug. "Who was he praying to?"

"Not a clue," Oz sighed. "I only heard the 'make him fucking hurry up' part."

"Hmm, maybe it was a dream then," Ray said quietly. "Xander doesn't usually swear." Oz nodded, letting himself relax back into sleep. Ray told himself he'd talk to Methos about this when his husband got back from his turn at watching.

***

Strife ran into his Uncle's temple, panicked. "Did you hear that?" he asked, eyes wide. "Xander's stranded somewhere."

Ares nodded. "I heard." He looked at his nephew's outfit of hawaiian shirt and ugly plaid shorts, raising one eyebrow. "Have you tried to get to Oz?"

"They're not home," Cupid said as he appeared, blatantly ignoring Strife's off-duty outfit. "I tried at the house off-world, they're not there. Ran into Blair, who said Xander had been kidnaped and they were searching for the planet he'd been dropped off on."

Ares glared at his two boys. "Oh, really?" he said dryly. "And the woman who took him?"

"Won't talk, even under mental assault," Cupid said darkly, starting to frown. "They've tried *everything*, Pop."

"Then maybe we should offer to help," Ares said as he stood up. "Strife, go put on clothes." His nephew disappeared. "Where did he get those?"

"Out of Xander's old clothes," Cupid said, glaring at the spot Strife had been in. "I'm going to burn them."

"Suits my mood. Let's go offer our services," he said, walking down off his dias, disappearing into the ether, only to reappear in Nethisha's throne room. He stared at the girl sitting on the throne. "The last time I saw you, you were older," he noted.

She laughed. "I'm the Crown Princess. My mother is still looking for your follower." She bowed deeply. "You would be Lord Ares I presume?" He nodded. "How may we serve you, Lord Ares?" She giggled as Strife and Cupid appeared behind him. "I have heard many great stories about you all."

"How's the search going?" Strife asked. "We just got a desperate plea from Xander to make Oz hurry up."

She hopped up. "Can you pinpoint where it came from? We know which region he's in but not the exact planet, that's what's taking so long. We've been over almost every planet out there and haven't found anybody."

"Want me to make the bitch talk?" Strife asked in his usual delicate fashion.

Siblinth giggled, they were so funny. "We've done everything short of ripping her head into little pieces and she refuses to tell us. Fortunately she didn't get a chance to file the paperwork for claiming Xander as a foundling husband." Cupid shuddered. "Lord Cupid, we did stop her."

"Sorry, just thinkin' about Oz's reaction to that," Cupid said lightly. "We can rip into her if you'd like."

"I can show you where she is, and would be grateful of any help you might give, but it might compromise the case against her." She sat down, her eyes going a little wide, as a woman appeared behind the group. "Lady Artten. It is a pleasure and.. and an honor to see you here. How may I help you?"

The woman walked forward, staring at Ares, stopping in front of him with her head tipped off to the side. "You're that human's God of War?" she asked plainly, her voice mellow and deep.

Ares smirked. "I am. Are you the one here?" She nodded. "Would you like to help me pull the information from this woman's mind so we can find Xander?"

"No, but my daughter would," Artten said gently. "Lissa is most worried about him and Grethen is barely controlling her rage at the moment." She heard a little moan from behind her but ignored it. "We fear for some of the mortal's lives if Lissa really loses her temper. The last time she0 set off a civil war that the planet never really recovered from."

"Please, Lady Artten, I will show you personally where this woman is hanging. The courts can not refute your interference." She stood up again. "Please, follow me and I'll send down refreshments if you're going to be a while." She led them to the back of the palace and down to the jail, but picked up the ferret and cubs that were guarding her cell door. "They miss Xander also," she explained to Strife, who was petting Skip. "Lethshan has had to order the cubs to not bother her over Xander."

Strife nodded, grinning at her. "I can see that, we feel about the same." He zapped the door and walked in, grinning maniacally at the woman in the chains. "Hey, toots, we need to talk," he said in his usual high-pitched voice.

"And it's gonna be a *long*, *involved* discussion," Cupid added as he walked in, popping his knuckles. "You took something of ours."

Ares and Artten walked in together, holding hands as they put them on the woman's head. She screamed obscenities but they continued to pull information from her mind. Artten stepped back, considering the woman. "You know," she said quietly, "I find it quite strange to receive a prayer meant for another God. I've gotten one from their worshiper because of you. I find the mortals interesting but I do not wish to interfere, now I am forced to because his prayer was sent to me also as it bounced around. This displeases me." She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at the woman. "I will have them deal with you fairly but you will confess or I will be back." She nodded at Ares. "A pleasure to meet my counterpart. Maybe one of the diplomats will call on me so we may have a formal conference." She nodded at Siblinth. "Thank you for your hospitality, your Ladyship. I look forward to seeing how you lead."

She disappeared and Siblinth leaned against the wall. "Did she tell you where she left him?" she pleaded. "Xander and Oz both must be going insane."

"They've been keeping Oz drugged," Strife told her. "He's near to losing his temper and he's a beserker." She looked clueless. "That's a bad thing," he explained. "Means he can't control it, there's a little switch in his mind that flips when he's fighting and he starts on automatic but he doesn't really connect with the outside world."

"Xander was keeping him from fighting," Cupid sighed. "Ray?"

"Ray," Strife agreed. "I've been getting prayers from Methos." He looked at his Uncle. "Now what?"

"We have a planet," Ares announced. "She had a faster ship than you thought." He looked her over. "A map?" he suggested.

"Bring me a map!" Siblinth screamed out the door. "She gave up Xander's position."

Her younger sister came running with an interactive map, handing it over to Ares with a moony look. "Here you go, sir. Are you here to help rescue him? We love the Xander, even though he is a human and not appropriate company for a respectable young woman." She glared at the chained woman. "Shall I call the Minister of the Courts?"

"Please," Siblinth told her. "Tell her that the rescue is almost complete." Her sister gave Ares one last adoring look then disappeared. "She's young," Siblinth explained. "She has a thing for very strong men and women. My mother should take advantage of that when choosing her first spouses."

Ares laughed. "I get that a lot." He traced a route on the map under her careful watch. "She went this way and ended up somewhere around here," he said, pointing at a clouded space on the map. The clouded area expanded, becoming a larger display. "Cute and useful technology," he congratulated as he touched a planet. "Look around here. Her mind said she knew that the cloud confuses instrumentation."

"How did she know about it?" Siblinth asked. "That area is forbidden because it wipes computer data out." She shook her head. "No wonder her computer didn't have the final destination on it."

"Her mind showed her grandmother doing the same thing and she thought it was romantic. Her grandmother died coming out of the cloud when her ship was attacked." He handed over the map. "Hopefully this will help." He gave her a steady look. "How was he taken?"

"He was walking his leader back to the portal with Oz and she knocked him cold." Siblinth shrugged. "Oz only waited long enough for Jack to get there from around a corner then took off after her, but she knew the market better and got off world before he could get to her."

Ares nodded. "That's reasonable." He looked at the body on the floor. "And now?"

"Now, she'll be charged with kidnapping in our courts, Lord Ares. She will spend a long time in our prison as Xander is an ambassador and a favorite of my mother's."

"Yeah, but will she *suffer*?" Strife asked.

"Our prisons aren't meant to be cruel, but she will learn her lesson in near solitude. She will only see the attendants and will be forced to consider her actions. She'll probably be in that little room for a good ten years."

Strife sighed. "Not sufferin' then. Oz'll be upset but I think we can keep it okay."

Cupid nodded. "He'll just want her punished. As long as she's not running around he'll let the court handle it." He looked at his father. "Home or the house here to wait?"

Ares leaned closer to Siblinth. "Think of me when you get news," he ordered in a steady, low voice. "I will know as soon as Oz has him back."

"Why couldn't you go to him?" she asked.

"Too big of a jump," Strife explained. "Getting up here is hard enough but getting somewhere we don't know and so far away from our home and our worshipers is even harder. I can't do it."

Ares shrugged. "I might be able to think to Xander, but I couldn't get there." He looked up and sent a thought winging out to his worshiper, who was getting more and more violently inclined the longer he stayed by himself. "There's a ghost there," he said dryly. "I caught Xander thinking about him." He shrugged. "Think of me," he reminded her, then they all disappeared.

She slumped a little in relief. It was disconcerting to deal with Gods. She grabbed the guard with the communication device and called her mother, waiting the small time lag for a confirmation reply.

***

Xander jumped up when he heard the message, smiling his brightest at the ghost. "They heard! They heard and Ares made the bitch tell them where we are. We're in some dense cloud that makes computers burp."

"Oh, no," the ghost sighed. "The computers die whenever they neared the cloud if you're right." He floated into the house. "What will we do?"

"Oz is coming," Xander said firmly. "They're getting better coordinates right now." He looked around. "This is good. Oz is coming. My mates are with him. We're both going to be saved."

"Xander, they can't get through the cloud. The ship will be destroyed."

"The one that brought me here wasn't," Xander pointed out. "Or yours."

"Yes, but coming in and going out are two *different* things. Coming in, the ship will only be minorly damaged, they can ride the magnetic streams in. Going out, they have to fight it. They can't get in here or else the ship will quit working." He stomped his foot. "We're not saved, we're doomed!"

"You don't know my Oz," Xander said, storming off into the bedroom and slamming the door. He leaned against it. "Oz will come," he reminded himself. "I will get off this planet. Even if I have to build my own ship." He walked over and laid down, it was a good time for a nap.

***

Oz jumped as he heard the message, running to the door. "They made her talk," he called as he jogged toward the bridge. "Ares made her talk."

Methos caught him, making him stand still. "How did you find out?"

"I heard him trying to calm Xander down. Xander's ready to get really violent on that woman. It's a tricky thing but they know where he is."

Nethisha sat up and tugged on Oz's pants. "Did he pass on this information?" She stood up as she heard a beep of incoming communication. "Is that my daughter?" she called down.

"Yes, my Queen," the Captain said. "They do have coordinates and it's a very tricky situation. They're in a magnetic cloud formation. If you wish, I could bring the map up." She shook her head. "We'll be moving closer soon and figure out how to get to him on the way."

"Thank you," she said, nodding at her. She turned to look at Oz. "You heard a message for Xander?"

"They're soul-bound," Ray said as he walked in. He hugged Oz. "I forgive you for the knee to the nuts."

Oz shook himself free. "Remember when Giles took Xander?" Nethisha nodded. "We told you then that we were bound soul-deep, that's why he had that blade he used on our third husband. Apparently Xander is in enough emotional turmoil that I'm able to barely hear things from him when I'm in the right state. I sorta heard him praying the other day but I thought I had dreamed it because I was nearly asleep."

She smiled. "We have people like that, Oz. Don't worry about justifying the skill." She winked at her First Husband. "Our cats are not our only telepaths, are they, Thoren?"

"No, my Queen," he agreed, smiling back at her. He looked over at Oz. "I'm a very weak one. The telepathic inquisitor that came to help us was much stronger than I ever will be."

"Did Ares say anything else?" Methos asked.

"Yup, that he and their Goddess of War had done it together and that he was burning some of Xander's old, bad looking clothes because he caught Strife wearing them. Something about plaid and bright prints."

"Artten and Ares got together?" Nethisha said, looking a little faint. "My poor daughter."

"Ares didn't say that they fought," Oz offered. "I'm sure she's fine. Ares doesn't blindly attack, especially not when he can charm in these situations."

"I was thinking of my younger daughter," Nethisha told him. "She likes strong men and women, prefers them to look and act very strong. She must be a puddle right now." She walked away, probably going to call her daughter.

The First Wife smiled at them. "Ares is big?" The three humans nodded. "Then our younger crown princess will be begging to worship him as he needs it." She winked at them. "Do you think he'll mind?"

"I'm not sure, he's still got Jace," Oz noted. "She's Ares, Cupid, and Strife's woman. Xander took over her spot as priest to all three of them."

The First Husband laughed. "I just caught the image of Strife from their mind." He touched his wife's hand, sending it to her.

"You can get Cupid's and Ares' from me if you wish," Oz offered. "I'm not sure how you do it, but hey, I'm all for spreading out their worshipers. It'll be less time Xander can torment them by getting into trouble." That got a laugh and the First Husband stood up, coming over to gently touch his forehead. "The winged one is Cupid," he said quietly.

The First Husband rushed back over and shared this information too. "I know," she told him, patting him on the hand. "Cupid is quite cute." She looked at Oz. "Your secret is still safe within our family."

Methos groaned. "You knew?"

"I told her because of Giles," Oz told him. Ray looked at him. "She needed to know and I trust her not to use the information."

"You both also?" she asked.

"I am," Methos admitted, shooting Oz with a glare. "Ray is like Xander, bound to me, and them," he said, pointing at Oz. "It's a rare occurrence but we've learned how to live together as one rather strange family."

"Except for Giles," Ray pointed out. "If I see him, I'm gonna cold cock him."

"Agreed," Methos said, giving his husband a smile. "I'll hold him if you wish."

"What did he do this time?" Oz asked.

"He called in every favor he had to have some help getting around the blockage of his powers," Methos said dryly. "He's managed to get about as much access as Xander has. Nearly none." Oz shrugged. "You expected this?"

"He's going insane being able to feel but not touch it. I expected him to make a try. As long as he can't do *much*, then we'll probably be okay with it."

"He's much less powerful than Xander is," Ray told him. "He can barely light a candle."

"Then I'm good with it, as long as you're curing his mental problem."

"Richard has been working with him every few days. Giles has now come down to the level of 'I'm a powerful force of the universe' and has relinquished the title of God."

"Hey, baby steps and all that," Oz noted, giving him a hug. "Thanks for watching over our problem baby for us."

"Anytime, Oz, you make my eternity a less boring place."

The First Wife laughed. "I bet. What does Xander do to it?"

"Bollixes it all to hell," Methos told her in that same dry tone. "I had been looking forward to slipping back into obscurity again but he's forced me to stay at the forefront of all this." He sat down, pulling Oz down onto his lap. "I suppose it could be worse, Xander could want to be a famous celebrity. Then I would have to live in the limelight."

"Eww," Oz told him. "I wouldn't let Xander do that, even if he wanted to."

"Thankfully, he hates that sort of attention these days," Ray said as he snuggled into them. "So, what's up with this problem place?"

"There's a magnetic particulate cloud around it," Nethisha said as she walked out. "The girl's grandmother did the same thing and she thought it was *romantic*," she told her family as she took a seat. "We may have some trouble getting to him, but our ships are better than that girl's was, so maybe not much trouble."

"Will being forced to wait in there hurt?" Oz asked. "If this cloud hurts computers, will it block a scan?" She nodded. "Then how do we do this? Do I go down in a smaller ship?"

"No," she said firmly. "A smaller ship won't be able to make it through the cloud and land, much less come back out."

"Think of it like that surfing stuff Daniel was telling me about the other day," the First Husband suggested. "Much easier riding it one way than fighting it the other." He looked at his wife. "Will putting ourselves in a hold pattern inside while we search for Xander hurt us?"

"It won't," the Captain said as she came up the stairs. "We found a partial stream through the cloud. We can ride a full one in and use that partial one to help us come out. You'll have about six hours before we have to leave." She looked at Oz. "We can barely scan, we found heat signatures all in one spot."

"Would landing help?" the Queen asked.

"It might," the Captain offered. "We could if you wanted. It would give us more time to map out the fluxes in the cloud." She bowed to them. "We'll be there within an hour, Central time." Then she left them alone.

Nethisha sighed and reached for the bell. "I suppose we should eat and tell them to prepare something for Xander, just in case he's not had much that's edible." A waiter came running in with a tray, hurrying to feed them all. "Make a larger dinner," she ordered. "We're almost ready to pick up our friend."

"And secure yourself for a rough landing," Oz told him as he grabbed one himself.

"It shouldn't be that bad," Nethisha told him. "More like flying sideways." The waiter whimpered lightly. "Yes, we're going into the cloud; don't worry, we have enough backup systems to fly us home blindly if we need it, even if we were all unconscious." He nodded and left the tray, going back to the kitchen to spread the news.

"I miss our housekeepers," Oz told Methos.

"They're fine, Oz, and they loved the birthday presents."

"Do they cook for you?" the First Wife asked.

"Sometimes," Oz told her. "Sometimes it's just like hanging out with a friend, and one has twin boys. But they never bowed and ran from us, even during big dinners."

"You aren't a queen," Ray pointed out.

"True, but I miss people being informal with me. Even the servants at the house are very scared of us it seems."

"You're getting a vacation soon?" the First Wife asked.

Oz nodded. "We're getting a week off, Earth time, shortly after we get back. Xander and I have a new property that we'd like to go see and we're going to spend some time in our real house in Sunnydale."

"Oz, you might want to reconsider that," Methos said quietly. "Sunnydale has changed since the last time you were there."

"What did they do to the house?" Oz asked, looking up at his teacher.

"Nothing, other than trying to buy it. No, the area itself has changed. There's a great deal of pollution now where there wasn't before."

"Yeah, you've got real smelly air there now. That's why D'Nalia took the boys and ran to Florida. That new company is really doin' a number on Sunnydale."

"Then I guess we'll have to work on getting them gone," Oz said dryly. Methos sighed. "Non- visibly of course."

"Of course," Methos agreed. "Hopefully they'll give up easily, before Xander has to spend all his money to buy them out and shut them down."

Oz snorted. "He doesn't really like that approach since all the stuff with Wolfram and Hart. But you never know, he might go to the Hellish lawyers for some help against these guys."

"One never knows about Xander," Methos agreed wisely. "He is a very complex man."

"Yup, that's my baby," Oz said lightly, stuffing his mouth with a sandwich so he couldn't make himself any more morose.

***

Oz walked off the ship, heading toward the quickening signature he could feel. He walked into the house and slammed the door, then into the bedroom and slammed that door too. He kicked off his clothes as fast as he could and pounced on his husband, happy to have him back and to himself. "You're wearing a leash," he said as he lubed his husband's body for his entry. "I'm not letting any of those women near you ever again." He inserted himself.

"Can't I have a kiss?" Xander begged lightly.

"And then some, babe." Oz gave him a powerful kiss, remarking him. "You're not getting out of my sight for a very long time."

"Okay," Xander agreed, pushing up against the hard body. "More? I'll be good."

Ray stuck his head in the door. "It wasn't your fault. It was hers. We'll talk when you're done." He closed the door and went to help Methos gather things. "Do you see the ghost?" he asked finally.

"Yes, I was trying to ignore it," Methos sighed. He looked at the ghost. "Are your remains still here?"

"They'd better be, Xander just buried them three weeks ago and there aren't any large predators or scavengers on this planet." He smiled at the woman walking through the door. "Sister!" He held out his arms for a hug. Then he realized what he was doing and settled on smiling at her. "Sorry, I'd hug you but I can't quite do that in my present state."

Nethisha's First Wife shook her head and turned, heading back to the ship. "Nethisha, my brother's body is here," she called as she walked onto the ship.

"Fortunately, we had the forethought to bring suitable covering in case something had happened to Xander. Did Oz find him?" The First Wife smiled and giggled. "I see. It's a good thing we landed then." She turned to look at the Captain. "Would you please offload the burial coverings? We just found a body."

"No, we just found his ghost and he said Xander had buried him," the First Wife countered.

"Really? Well, I would expect no less from him, Ris. He is that sort of man." She hugged her wife. "At least you'll be able to explain to those four about your people's time codes."

"Yes, they would understand." She nodded at the Captain's guard to follow her. "Where is it?" she asked the ghost.

"Out past the garden," he said, floating that way. "Not even a happy noise?"

"Very many happy noises, but it would be inappropriate," she reminded him. "Even saying your name is now forbidden. I'll give your remains to our mother."

He bowed deeply to her. "That's all I expected from you. Thank you, sister."

"Welcome, brother." She followed his floating body to the grave, letting the guards dig it up. "We'll be storing it in the hold," she ordered, following it back to make sure it was properly stored for transport.

***

Oz rolled off Xander, panting as he stared up at the ceiling. "I'm not happy that you were taken. I'm kinda angry at the both of us that this happened. But I'm still not going to let you out of my sight for the rest of our time together."

"Okay," Xander agreed. "But I'm not wearing the leash."

"How about the harness?"

"Nope."

"Not even the pretty one Ares gave us?"

"Definitely not." Xander rolled over, resting on top of his husband's body. "I'll let you come to work with me if you want," he offered quietly.

"Wasn't even considering staying away."

"I'm not becoming a diplomatic wife."

"Also wasn't even considering that."

"Good." Xander snuggled in. "Can we nap?"

"I think we should probably get back to the ship. They're waiting on us."

"Oh, crap, the ghost," Xander said, starting to get up.

Oz putting him back down. "I heard Ray say something about it. But we should get up." His hand started to wander down his mate's back. "I heard your prayer to Ares."

"Really?" Xander asked, arching up into the hand. "Ummm, like that."

"May we come in?" Methos called loudly from the other side of the door.

"Sure," Oz said, his hand continuing on its sensuous journey back towards the wet, open hole. "Hey, everything ready?"

"Nearly. Nethisha and her husband are wandering in the woods." He smiled at the hand's movements. "Is everything all right again?"

"Yup, I'm working on our miscommunication problem."

"Miscommunication problem?" Xander asked.

"I'm still pissed about you getting kidnaped."

"I was unconscious," Xander pointed out.

"Yup, I remember quite well, but I think we need to work harder on your hormone problem."

"Hey, there's only the one way that we know about. The other people around us right now don't understand it or celebrate it."

"We're still going to ask," Oz said firmly.

"Okay," Xander sighed. "Can we go back to the old way of wearing it out?"

"Yup. Was planning on that. I'm not going to let you get out of bed any morning without enjoying myself with you anymore." His fingers found its target and Xander moaned as they slipped inside. "Wanted to join in?" he asked Methos, who was still watching his hand.

"We can wait until we're on the ship," he said with a smirk. "Xander, I did need to ask you something. Have you seen anything *peculiar* around here?"

"Besides the snails that boulganth comes from?"

"Snails?" Oz asked. Methos and Xander both nodded. "They said it was sap."

"What exactly did they say?" Methos asked, leaning against the wall.

"That it was the stuff that ran down the trees."

"Ah, but the snails snack on the sap of certain types of trees," Xander told him, lifting his head. "You dry out the slime, then you boil it down and redry it. The ghost told me."

"Also, it inhibits our healing abilities," Methos said quietly. "I found a book in the marketplace about making it and it's even mentioned in there that people with 'healing abilities' are inhibited when eating a lot of it." He looked at Xander. "Which I believe you do."

Xander groaned and put his head down onto his husband's shoulder. "No wonder my thigh still aches. How much longer?"

"A few more weeks, maybe a month at the most to sweat it all out." Methos smiled at Xander. "Do you really want to eat more of it anyway?"

"No," Oz groaned. "Never again." His fingers started to tease again. "How long do we have?"

"Maybe a few minutes," Ray called. "They're back."

"All right then," Oz said, pulling out his fingers and wiping them off on the sheets. "Xander, get dressed."

"My clothes are pretty torn," Xander said as he got up, going to find his rags. "Did you find my sword? She took it."

"It's in custody as evidence," Oz soothed, patting him on the back. That sword had been a wedding present to them from Angel and his crew, Xander loved that blade. "We'll talk to Nethisha about getting it back as soon as we get home." He wrapped Xander in his arms and picked him up, carrying him out to the ship.

"Is he still hurt?" Nethisha asked.

"Just a little," Xander said with a teasing grin. "He's spoiling me this time."

"I told you I'm not letting you out of my sight." Oz carried Xander into their room on the ship.

Methos stopped beside the Queen. "Xander wanted to know about his sword. He said she took it off him."

"It's in custody," Nethisha told him, taking his arm and leading him onto the ship. "It is being held for him but may be called back for the trial. She might even demand that it be destroyed."

"It was a wedding present," Methos told her. "He got it when he married Oz from a few of his friends."

"I'll see what I can do to get it back for him," she agreed, leading him into the ship. "Are we all back?" she asked the guard.

"All but your wife's brother's spirit. Is he coming?"

"I think he'll be with his body," Methos told him.

Oz came jogging out and whispered something in the Queen's ear. "Of course," she agreed, watching him run out. "He needs to gather something from the garden. It should only take him a few moments." She jumped as Xander yelled. "What is that?"

"Xander," Methos said dryly. "I believe my Ray is reacquainting himself with Xander."

"Ah, you're a noisy lot," she said, looking pleased. "At least it's not a long flight home. Otherwise I might have to go enjoy my spouses as well." She walked away, going to check on her spouses, and maybe make some noise of her own.

Oz came back a few minutes later, a small bag in his hands. "It was that important?" Methos asked him as they walked back to their room.

Oz opened the bag to show off the contents. "Very important," he said with a wink, walking in to go share his Xander with the Ray.

Methos shook his head, going in to wait his turn.

And He Dances On.

Notes: Thanks be to this page (http://www.sk4p.net/egypt/gods.shtml) for the info on the Egyptian Gods.

"It's a great property," Steve said, getting Xander sitting. He jumped as a demon appeared beside him. "Yes?"

"For us?" Xander asked, holding out a hand for the message. The demon leaned down and whispered in Xander's ear. "We've got to go back to Sunnydale tonight," he said, standing up. "Seth sent the message."

The General looked up from his paperwork. "You still have to debrief before you can leave the base." He saw the seriousness reflected in Xander's eyes. "Why do you have to go?"

"Because we're officially Sunnydale's guardians," Oz told him, standing up too. "Fly back with us, Steve?"

"Of course." He smiled at the General. "They really are the guardians of the Hellmouth."

"And if this is magic-based, we're screwed," Oz shared as he walked out.

"No, big demon trying to take over. One of the middle echelon, hell spawned."

"Do you know this demon, Xander?" Oz asked as he walked behind him.

"No. Never met him. Why he wants to talk to us I'm not sure, but we'll deal when we get there." They got onto the elevator and Xander grabbed his husband's hand. "Right?"

"Right. We'll deal."

"Guys, I should tell you, both of your housekeepers are living in Florida permanently now." He coughed and shook his head. "There's been a large manufacturing company that moved into Sunnydale a few months back. The town's nearly wasted. It's also nearly deserted."

"Maybe the demon's there to stop it," Xander said cheerfully as he stepped off the elevator, flashing his pass and signing them all out. He walked out to where the gate Sergeant was. "We need a cab to the airport," he told him. "Do you know the number?"

"Yes, sir, I'll call one for you," he said.

***

Xander coughed as he stepped out of their rental car, gagging at the smell. "How is the EPA not monitoring this?" he yelled as he walked away from the car, heading into the park to meet with his brother Seth and Seth's boyfriend Spike, the vampires they had picked to run Sunnydale while they were gone. "Dudes, why didn't you eat them?" he asked as he walked up to them.

"Because they were creating jobs and Sunnydale needed them," Seth said with a shrug. "We're all sorry now." He hugged his brother gently. "How are you?"

"Fine. My present job's classified but it's very exciting."

Spike nodded at Oz as he walked over to them. "Hard to believe people used to be able to breathe around here, innit?"

Oz nodded. "Definitely. Can we burn them down?"

"It's probably not a good idea," Seth said delicately. "They're making metal widgets." Oz raised an eyebrow. "That's all we know."

"Then let's let them be stomped," Xander said with a smile. He looked over at Spike. "How're things besides that?"

"No problems," Spike said, dropping his cigarette and stomping on it. "Not much activity around here now though, only the ones able to live on this muck."

Steve walked up to them. "This has got to stop," he told them. "One of the local cops just told me that the company demanded all its workers be in bed by now. I pointed out that I wasn't working for them and that if he tried anything, I was the manager of your estate."

"Are they coming after my house?" Xander asked. Steve nodded. "Fuck 'em then, they die." Xander pulled out a large bead and put it into Spike's hand. "He owes me."

"You can't," Seth said gently, resting a hand on Xander's shoulder. "If they die, so does the town."

"The town didn't die when there wasn't *any* work back in the fifties. It won't die now," Xander told him. "People are drawn here. You might have to deal with the chaos people for a while, but otherwise it'll regrow. It always does."

"And it will this time," an older man said as he walked up to them. "Good plastic surgery," he said in greeting. "If you take them down, take down the other being too, please." He smiled at Xander.

"Chief Smith," Xander said, walking over to give him a hug. "How did this happen?"

"The new mayor. He made a deal for the jobs." He shrugged and leaned on his cane. "He regretted it first since he was the first to complain and the first to die." He looked at Seth and Spike. "These two have done very well. The death rate is steadily going down, even when the population went up last year."

"Said we'd control it," Spike pointed out. "Now, about this big bugger, what about him?"

"Depends on what he wants," Xander said lightly. "Where is he?"

"He'll be here soon," Seth told him. "We told him about half an hour after you were supposed to arrive, just in case."

Xander smiled at him. "Good job. So, tell me more about these idiots."

***

Xander looked up at the hell-spawned demon, grimacing at it's bulk. "You do know that you're not going to be able to rule this town, right?" he said in greeting.

The demon laughed and looked down at him. "I don't want the town. If I had it, it wouldn't have been allowed to happen," he said with a point at the factory. "The vampires are fighting it but they'll lose."

"Not with some extra help," Xander suggested. "If you don't want the town, why did you want to meet with the guardians of the Hellmouth?"

"Because the portal isn't draining right. We can tell. There's some sort of problem with the connection."

"Could it be the pollution?" Oz asked.

The demon nodded. "That was my thought once I got here."

"Then we have to cure the company or else the Hellmouth will open." Xander looked at the factory, trying to figure out where it was. "Tell me they didn't," he breathed.

"They built it over the Hellmouth," the demon agreed. "Which insulted us. A school was bad enough." He laughed at the grimaces both young men wore. "It could have been worse. Mayor Wilkens could have had the Hellmouth tied into the building so each time it opened it would have sucked in the whole school."

"It always opened at night," Xander said dryly. "No tasty students, just a few janitors and some really old seats." He shook himself. "Can we intentionally open it?"

"We could," the demon agreed. "It could backfire."

"They'll complain and say that we sabotaged them. They did it to the town when we cut off their water supply," Chief Smith noted. "They won too."

"Then let's give them a reason to move on," Xander said with a smile. "If they build on top of a portal to Hell, what else would they expect?"

"Um, possessed metal widgets?" Oz suggested. Xander frowned. "It can happen here and then it would spread."

"Then we'll call on the Master of Business in the family," Seth said. "I've already spoken to Micah and he was *not* pleased. He said he'd be here tonight but apparently he's late."

"Micah!" Xander yelled. His brother appeared. "You're late? You're never late."

"The owners of the business called on a demon and I was talking to her," he said, after giving his brother a hug. "How is your mission?"

"Going very well," Oz told him, shaking his hand. "What did they want?"

"Your house and for you to go away. They want the keystone."

"Oh, then let's give it to them," Xander said cruelly. "They want my job and my house, let's give them a taste of my life too."

"You can't," Micah told him. "You promised to guard it with your life, or to find a suitable guardian for it when you had to leave. You giving it to them, or opening the Hellmouth, would violate that promise and it will come back to bite you some day."

Xander shrugged. "Okay, then what do we do?"

"How about you freeze?" a voice said from the edge of the clearing.

"Put it down, son," Chief Smith said quietly. "You don't know what you're doing."

"You can't sabotage them, they're the only reason we can live here."

"No, they're the reason that you *can't* live here," Xander told him. The cop reached for his part of the keystone and he dodged. "Don't even," he warned. "You don't know what you're doing." He glanced up at the smoky air. "Do you really want this to continue? Can you even *consider* raising kids here?"

"They said they'd fix it, said some new technology was going to be eating the pollution."

Micah snorted. "What they wanted from my kind isn't going to help this level of pollution. It will take decades to clean this up." He looked at Xander. "Can you manipulate the portal?" he suggested. "That wouldn't technically violate your promise to guard it. Most demons wouldn't look on you favorably for it but you wouldn't be in violation for it."

"No," Xander said, shaking his head. "I don't know how to pick a certain dimension. Sam would, she's studying that stuff, but we left her back at work." He looked at the cop again, who was starting to look very confused. "Listen, man, we want to *fix* this, not hurt the town. The people will come back once the pollution is gone. Jobs will even come back, they have many times before. Sticking up for these idiots means that you let this continue until even God himself can't cure this town of its problems. Choose, man."

"They're making sure my child gets help," the cop said, straightening up. "Can you say the same?"

"Can you be sure that they didn't cause your child's problem in the first place?" Oz asked. The cop glared at him. "Cancer?"

"Yes."

"Then there's always help. Shriners for one."

"The cost of her treatment is astronomical," the cop told them.

"And it's only fair that they pay for causing it," Xander agreed, "but if you don't let us stop them then you'll be sentencing more kids to your kid's fate. Do you really want that? Generations of kids that die because they put something in the soil?"

"No," the cop said, "but I promised. I signed an agreement and everything."

"Yes, you did," a deep voice said from the shadows, and a man walked out to join them. "Why, Mr. Harris, how nice to see you back in town. Your necklace if you please? We already have the rest of the stone."

"We fractured part off, mate," Spike said, lighting another cigarette and taking a deep pull. He tossed the crumpled pack on the ground. "You'll never get control of the Hellmouth, not even if you have the full key."

"Good point," Seth agreed. "There is the matter of holding the power to control it."

"Oh, but I do," the man said jovially. "I'm going to finish what should have been done years ago."

Xander crossed his arms and shook his head. "Not another guy with a God complex. Is this some sort of flaw in our species?" he asked the hell-spawned demon.

"No, just in some people," it answered. "You will not be able to hold the portal, not open or closed. There are beings waiting in line to get out that no one will be able to fight."

"Well, that's peachy," Oz said. "Why didn't Giles ever tell us about this?"

"Because he didn't want to worry us," Xander said as he watched the man.

"Take his necklace."

"You can't have it," Xander told him. "If you touch me, then you'll die too," he told the cop. "Working for him is making sure that all of you die a horrible death. If he opens the portal then you'll one of the first to go as food because you knew it was going to happen." He took off his necklace and handed it to his mate. "Hold that for me, Oz. I want this one."

"Xander, you can't," Oz warned. "Just because Giles could use the quickening to raise his magic levels doesn't mean you can."

"He told me all about it while he had me," Xander said as he walked closer. "Challenge me for it," he sneered. "You think you're so big, challenge me for the ownership of the portal."

"No," Seth said, stepping forward. "I know more magic than you do, brother."

"Do it together," Spike suggested happily. "A real family sorta moment. Bonding or some such."

Oz looked over at him. "They bond over shopping, Spike, they don't need to do it over fighting too. Xander, just kick his ass so we can solve this tonight. I want to get back to our animals."

"Sure, honey, let me take this stupid idiot out and we'll get back to report then go on vacation. Are we taking Furry and Rocky?" he asked, raising his hand in the air. "Challenge me or leave my town," he told the asshole.

"Mr. Harris, it is a delightful offer, but we do have other means of winning. Arrest him for threatening me," he ordered the cop.

"Touch me and find yourself under federal arrest," Xander told him. Everyone looked at him. "You don't have jurisdiction over our lives right now, sorry," he told the cop. "We're working on a federal matter and can't be bothered with your smaller version of justice." He snapped his fingers. "Shoot, that must suck. Go home," he ordered the cop. "This isn't your fight and it will only turn out really badly for you." The cop looked at his boss then ran away. "Spike, please make sure he gets home to his kids. It's not his family's fault that he's working for the putz here." He looked the bad guy over, then nodded. "You're not a magic user, you just know that it exists," he told the other man, reaching in to touch his inner scary and calm spot. "Not only can't you use it, but you *want* it so bad that you're willing to murder millions of beings to get what you'll never be able to control."

"Wrong," the man interrupted. He lifted his hand, showing off a metal cross-shaped thing on his palm. "I can use it. Now."

Xander snorted. "That's not really using it, that's channeling it. Using it means that you make it personal, it becomes part of who you are on a fundamental level." He crossed his arms. "Even though you can channel it, you can't really use it because you can't really control it. *I* have more ability and I can only play with plants." He shrugged. "You're just another loser who wants something he doesn't have."

"No!" the man said, starting to lose his temper. "I do more than channel it," he spat. "I'm powerful!"

"Yay," Oz said dryly, backing up his mate. "Xander, can we relocate his factory to a demon plane?"

Micah looked at him, looking quite shocked. "That's a brilliant idea. I know a few planes where the metal would be most welcome, and the building would be the only for many miles." He looked at his adopted brother. "Xander, can I have your help in doing that?"

"Sure," Xander said absently, watching his prey. The guy was going to make a move, and he was going to do it soon. The only question was what was he going to do. "You've already lost," he said quietly. "The Hellmouth knows and loves us. It'll eat you before doing anything else."

The man shrieked and sent a blast of power out of the device on his hand. "This is my town now!" he screamed as the beam bathed Xander. But nothing happened. He glared at the man. "What are you?"

"Human. Blessed, but fully human," Xander told him, giving him a smile. "Didn't consider that?"

"It only works on demons," Micah said in awe.

"Well, in that case," Oz said, leaping onto the man. "Xander, get the toy," he panted as they rolled around.

The higher demon froze the pair and reached down to pluck the device off his hand, ripping off his palm with it because it was attached. "Handy thing to have."

Xander held out a hand. "I'm going to put it somewhere that only certain trustworthy military people can get to it," he said when it wasn't given to him. He put the device on and nodded at the pair on the ground. "Get Oz free." The demon waved his hand and the pair disengaged. "Move," Xander warned, pointing it at the man on the ground. He screamed, and then he changed. He was now a puddle of semisolid material; about the consistency of Jell-O, but with a skin around it. "Huh," he said, looking at the toy. "Neat." He handed it to Steve. "Take this back to Hammond, and only him." He took Oz's arm and started him walking away. "Micah, can I get you to do something about the factory and the pollution?"

"Yes, brother," Micah called, resigned to being left doing all the work again. Xander grinned back at him and it made him feel better. "Any other orders?"

"Yeah, we're coming back in another year and a half. I want to be able to *live* in my house!" He pulled Oz to their car and got in to go up to Canada. They had stuff they had to do. Hammond would wait for them, even though he might be pissed, they deserved it.

Steve looked at Micah, then at the other demon. "You two don't need me, right?" They both shook their heads. "Good. I'm going back to where things are normal." He headed for his rental car, it was a safe haven of sanity in this odd world.

Micah looked at the blob, then at the other demon. "Did you want to clean that up?"

"No, I was going to take him back as an example." He froze the blob and picked it up, putting it into a bag. "Have fun moving the factory." He disappeared into the ground, going home.

Micah sighed. "I deserve a vacation for dealing with Xander's problems," he told himself as he started walking toward the factory. "No brother should be able to do this to another. Especially not when he's perfectly capable of dealing with it himself." He shook his head. "Never mind, his sorcerer mate went bad, he can't deal with this, so therefore I get the onus again." He sighed. "It's always me."

***

General Hammond jumped as the alarm for the Stargate went off, running for the control room. "What's going on?" he shouted into the organized chaos.

"Incoming wormhole," the technician in charge of the computer that opens the gate called back. "No signature, no teams off world."

"Close the iris," Hammond ordered, watching as it was closed, and then as it broke. "Security to the gate room!" he called over the speakers. "Prepare for invasion!" He nodded at the man to type in a special disaster message to the team using the other gate. He needed Jack and Sam's brains to fight this. He grabbed his own weapon and went to take up his position in the defensive line. He wasn't going to be fighting from behind this time.

***

Jack looked down as his 'pager', or that's what he was calling it, went off. "Sam, trouble," he called as he read the message.

Methos and Ray looked up, they were taking Xander and Oz's place while they were on vacation. "Can we help?" Ray asked.

"These are very major bad guys," Sam said as she jogged past them. She grabbed her jacket and followed Jack out the door. "Stay here!" She slammed the door, running to catch up with Jack. "I wish I had changed," she muttered as she ran across the threshold of their gateway. She took up her usual position in the line of defense, waiting for whatever to come through the stargate.

Jack looked over at her and sighed. "Carter, no more dressing like a native."

One of the other soldiers looked at her, then shrugged. "Hey, they taught us to fight naked, I guess that's the girly version of it."

"Ouch," Jack whispered, stepping away from him.

"We'll talk about that later," Sam told the idiot. "In a practice room. I'll be nice and even let you have a weapon and padding." He whimpered. "Pay attention!"

The first Goa'uld walked through the portal. "Amun demands your compliance," he said firmly. "You will drop your weapons or he will destroy you."

"Bite me!" Sam yelled, and fired. The rest of the troops followed her lead and fired, killing the guard. One soldier ran up and released the guard's helmet, then sent him back through the portal. He ran back into his position and waited.

"Which one was Amun?" Jack called out.

Daniel walked through the portal. "Which one?"

"Amun."

"Creator god, originally of Thebes but gained ultimate power later. His temple was at Karnak." He looked at the portal. "I can't keep our ...guests over there much longer."

Sam sighed and tossed her weapon to Daniel. "You take my place, I'll go say something." She ran back through the portal, hoping to be back in time to kick some ass.

Daniel relaxed as the stargate closed and looked around at the soldiers. "Jack?"

"We stay," Jack told him.

"Okay."

"Maybe we should ask to borrow the goats," one grunt said, and Jack laughed.

"Good one. Let's send them over."

"No," General Hammond called. "You won't torture them by sending those two goats to them. No matter how many dogs they eat."

"What did it eat?" Daniel asked.

"A visiting dignitary's rottweiler," the soldier next to him explained. "The President nearly had a coronary, but his wife was slick about it." He smiled, and just at that moment, the stargate opened and another guard walked through.

"We demand your total surrender...." Then he too was shot.

***

Xander sighed as he found the *perfect* spot for their new house. "Here," he announced, stamping a foot. "Great views, not a lot of trees to clear, comfy feeling ground."

Oz nodded. "Okay." He blinked as a hallucination swam before their eyes. "Xander, do you see that too?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah." Xander walked back to his mate's side and took his hand to hold, watching as a house formed around them. "Wow." He reached out to touch a wall, and it was solid. "I want to know what drugs I took to cause this."

The sound of laughter floated across the breeze from the open windows.

Oz looked at his husband. "Someone likes you," he said finally.

"Us," Xander retorted, then he stole a kiss. The laughter came again. "You like?"

"So far, I love," Oz pointed out. "Let's go explore." He led the way up to the loft bedrooms, starting from the top.

***

"BOHICA!" a soldier yelled as the stargate started to dial-in. This was the sixth time in the last hour that someone had come to demand their surrender. They'd gotten smarter, they were sending a small team now instead of a single guard, but the results were the same. And the soldiers were getting *really* tired of this. As soon as the gate opened, they opened fire.

***

Eris, Goddess of Discord, growled as her irritation grew. Those people were messing with her fun! A plan formed in her mind. Yeah, she could fix this. She teleported down to a small, private mental hospital, landing beside a bed. "Want your powers back?" she asked the man lying there. "You work for me and I'll give them back. You fuck up, I'll kill you and give your mates something in your likeness that treats them well and begs to give them oral sex." She waved away his restraints and tapped him on the forehead, blowing open all his lines of power. Then she took the groaning body to the gateway and shoved him through, sending some limited spells with him.

Giles smiled nicely as he walked through the portal, looking totally British. "Hello. I'm your new God," he told the Goa'uld. "You will worship me." They laughed and Giles used the spells to blow them back, fascinate them, and ensnare them under his control. "Lead me to your old God," he demanded, and his soldiers obeyed. He smiled at the head Goa'uld, bowing to him. "I do believe we have a lot to talk about." He pointed at his guards, half of which were destroyed in a power blast. "I'm your new God."

Amun's mouth fell open. He was a powerful and old Goa'uld, but he had never seen power like that. He watched as one of his faithful bodyguards rushed this stranger and shot him, then laughed when he fell. He continued until Giles got back up and dusted himself off.

"I must say, that was rude," Giles scolded gently. "You'll have to pay for that." He destroyed the guard. Then he smiled again. "Don't do that again, it only pisses me off, and I'm having such a nice day."

Amun stood up from his throne. "You will come discuss this with the others," he commanded. He led the way to the transport rings that went to his ship. They had a lot to talk about. Little did he know that he was going to end up the favorite personal body slave of this new God.

***

Ares picked Eris up by the throat and shook her. "What did you do!" he screamed.

"Relax," Strife said as he appeared. "It could be worse." Ares glared at him, but he dropped Eris. "She made Giles powerful, then turned him inta a tool against those guys that tried ta take over our spots." He grinned. "He's fuckin' with them now. It's so cool!"

Ares groaned. "This is bad!" he shouted. "That means that the asshole has the capability to try and take over this planet!"

Zeus appeared, giving his son a bland look. "Why are you screaming? It's very undignified, Ares."

"Eris, in her stupidest of moments, freed the anchor's insane husband, gave him back his powers, and turned his insanity on our ancient enemy. He's making them his tools."

Zeus looked at Eris. "It's a good plan."

"Um, Unc thinks that this putz is gonna try and take over the world. He kinda has this grudge against us too because the anchor likes us." Strife shrugged when Zeus looked at him. "The anchor is one of his husbands. He kidnaped him and demanded that the boy worship him insteada us."

"I see." Zeus stroked his beard while he thought. "Eris, that was an excellent plan. Can you control him?"

"Only Xander could control him," Ares told him. "If anyone can, he might be able to."

"Not the issue," Eris said as she picked herself up off the floor and dusted off. She looked at her father. "He knows I'm the one who opened his powers back up." She grinned. "And hey, he might decide that being a God is hard work and give it up."

"It won't break the insanity," Zeus told her. He looked at Ares again. "I want a plan, today," he ordered calmly. "I want to know what they have now, how we can counter it, and what we can do about this upstart."

"He's an immortal," Jace said from the doorway. "He's got known vulnerabilities." She walked into the room. "Strife knows Xander, who knows Giles best of anyone alive. Go to him and warn him." She smiled at Ares. "I think that General Hammond would know what you needed to know." Ares smiled and nodded, leaving them alone. She nodded her head at Eris. "It was a great plan," she offered with a smile. "And this will definitely give you a power boost." Then she looked at Zeus. "We'll handle it in-temple. Don't worry about it." He smiled and disappeared, and Jace nearly fell to the floor as her knees gave out.

"You did great," Eris said with a grin. "I'm going to help Ares."

"I'd stay away," Jace warned. "He's still mad at you. He hates having to save Xander."

"Point," Eris said, chewing on her lip. "I think I'll stay here and work on the mapping. There's only a few places where a ship could land, and only one place where they can get here otherwise." She jogged into the map room.

Jace sat down on the marble floor, limp with relief. No one had hurt her for speaking up. She called Cupid to her and explained to him what was going on, and he picked her up and took her to bed.

***

Jack jumped as Ares appeared behind him. "Don't do that!" he yelled, drawing attention from the other soldiers. "Hammond to the gate room!" he yelled as an afterthought.

"Thanks, saves me from doing it," Ares told him. He looked over the formation, then pointed. "Send three of them with heavy guns to the sides of the gateway ramp, you'll get surer and faster deaths when they're caught in the crossfire."

A few of the soldiers moved but a Colonel stopped them. "What are you doing? And who is this?" he demanded of Jack.

General Hammond walked in and smiled. "Lord Ares, how may we help you?"

"My sister, in her infinite stupidity, released Giles, gave him his powers back, and sent him to go subdue those aliens." Ares shrugged at the shocked look. "He's stopped the one that's bothering you by making the idiot worship him...physically." Then he grinned. "I want to discuss your defense strategies before this comes back to bite us on the ass."

Jack looked at him. "Huh?"

"Xander," Daniel sighed.

Ares laughed. "Good boy. Yes, Xander. The only one who can *really* control Giles."

General Hammond snorted, then he started to laugh. "Well, it's different," he said finally. "O'Neill, assign a guard, the rest of you stand down."

"You're going on the word of someone who *appeared*?" the Colonel asked.

"Son, that's Ares, Greek God of War. We've had a few discussions and I trust him." He patted the junior officer on the shoulder. "Don't worry, you can stay in here and arrange people if you want." He nodded up at his office. "Join me up there? O'Neill, you too." He walked away.

Ares smiled at Daniel. "You and..." He stared at Sam and licked his lips. "I must say, Captain Carter, those clothes suit you," he said with a leer.

She shook her head and went to give a report to their off-world contacts. They had wanted to know what was going on. "Men should be inoculated against," she said as she crossed the gateway.

One soldier nudged the one beside him. "Why can't we have uniforms like that," he whispered.

Jack glared at him. "Lieutenant, the women on that other world make our Marines look like pussy cats. Their clothes are a misleading trap to make men think that they're weak." Then he relaxed. "Besides, the warriors and soldiers wear more clothes. That's an everyday outfit." He followed Ares up to the General's office. "Sir, permission to burn all of Doctor Carter's clothes?"

General Hammond smiled. "Maybe before you come back." He knew Jack wouldn't be able to do it, Sam would kill him first, but Jack was more than welcome to try. "Lord Ares, would you please explain it to me again? I think I must have misheard."

Ares shook his head. "No, you heard right. Eris released Giles, gave him powers, and sent him to become the personal god of the Goa'uld." He sat down in the more comfortable chair and put one leg over the arm. "My nephew suggested that Giles might want to attack Earth to get back at his husbands." He smiled. "So I'm here to find out what you know about them so we can make plans." He looked at Jack. "And to answer the unasked question, I prefer the direct approach instead of getting the information from a computer. Computers don't give out personal opinions, speculations, or have ideas."

Jack nodded. That made sense. "So, did you need to pick brains or speculate?"

"Both," Ares told him. "We haven't been keeping track of these aliens, I've been much busier with the wars on this planet." He looked at the General again. "What can they do?"

***

Sam sighed. "They're space capable, but we weren't asking for help with them. We manage to deal with them most of the time." She looked up at Nethisha. "We really didn't start this alliance to get military help."

"You don't think we can beat them?" the First Wife asked.

Sam shook her head. "No, we think you could stomp them very well, and probably even have fun doing it, but we can deal with them most of the time. Their attack today was an isolated incident. Usually, they like to deal with technologically backwards peoples because they can claim to be Gods. We know, or at least some of us know, what they are and have fought them back a number of times."

"But our military does have things that you could use," Nethisha noted.

Sam nodded. "Of course, but we wouldn't be able to understand them." She smiled hopefully. "We'd rather come up here and pick your brains for knowledge and then build our own."

The First Wife chuckled. "A very bold move." She looked at her wife, who was looking confused. "They'd rather learn from us and develop their own weapons," she explained. "Picking of brains is a euphemism for learning what another knows."

"Oh." Nethisha smiled. "That's fine, but we would gladly put forward a request for some Space Marines to come guard your planet. The Empress was most appreciative of Xander not causing a...stir?" Sam shrugged. "A disturbance."

"Yeah, both were right," Sam agreed, Nethisha still had some problems finding the right word in English. "He wouldn't though, Xander's not like that." She smiled. "Really, what we want most is to learn from you. Not that there won't be people who will want to get technology from you, but we'd rather learn what we're doing first."

"Like that First Contact protocol in those books?" Nethisha asked. Sam nodded. "That does make sense." She looked up at her wife. "We really could give them things that they can handle. Give them things that they've figured out most of the way?"

The First Wife shrugged. "It might help. We need to talk to Hammond. He speaks for the military."

Sam nodded. "Okay. I can lead you back there. There's been news that there won't be another attack for a while." Nethisha looked at her. "Um, how should I put this?"

Cupid appeared behind her and gave her a hug. "I'll do it, you go calm down Methos and Ray. I can't get Methos to stop raging." He let her go, waiting until she was gone. "My Aunt released Giles from his imprisonment and sent him to deal with those aliens," he explained. "She's presently being screamed at by everyone else."

Nethisha frowned. "Really?" He nodded. "Could he come here?"

"Not likely," Cupid told her. "We're trying to get him back into his confinement."

"Is he effective?" the First Wife asked. Cupid nodded. "Then maybe you should leave him. A good death is one where you die fighting."

Cupid grinned. "I know, but we want him back where we know where he is. With Xander's ability to get into trouble, we figure this is going to bounce off'a him soon enough."

Nethisha laughed. "Yes, it probably will," she gasped. "That boy and trouble are very close."

"To both Gods of it," the First Wife added dryly.

Cupid broke out in giggles. "Yup. Too true. Oh, and Lissa's taking a nap beside my son." He nodded. "Want to come get in on the discussion?"

"Yes, I think I would," Nethisha said, standing up and taking her wife's hand so they could walk down the stairs together. They walked past Cupid. "We'll see you there?"

"Nah, I gotta go warn Xander," he sighed. He disappeared.

Nethisha and her wife took one of their carts and headed for the official portal. Even stubborn allies should be able to accept help. Or knowledge if the Empire had it. She smiled at the soldiers standing around the bottom of the gate ramp. "A well-kept meeting," she said calmly.

"Queen Nethisha, what can we do for you?" Daniel asked from the Control Room. "Guys, stand down and escort them up to Hammond's office." The microphone clicked off.

"Yes, we want to see if we know of these aliens and if we can help," Nethisha told them.

"Can we borrow some more goats?" a soldier asked from the back wall as one of the others stepped up to escort her. The guys laughed.

"Stow it," the Colonel ordered harshly. "Take them up to the meeting room."

"Sir, General Hammond is in his office," the soldier said.

"He'll go to the meeting room," the Colonel said, watching as the two aliens walked out. He did not like this at all. They were much too dependent on the good will of people that they didn't know that much about, and what little they did know came from civilians.

Nethisha smiled as the men joined her. "We came to see if we could be of some help," she told them, getting up to shake Hammond's hand. She smiled at the stranger. "And you are?"

"Oh, yeah," Jack said. "Ares, God of War, this is Queen Nethisha and her First Wife. They rule the planet where we're setting up relations." He sat down.

Ares smiled at the two beautiful women. "Your daughter was most helpful when we were up there," he said in greeting. "Have you seen these aliens before?" He pulled out chairs for them and helped them sit down again.

"We've seen no description of them," the First Wife noted. "We're trying to see if we have or not."

"Good." Hammond pushed over the file he had been carrying. "That's the specifications for their ships. That would probably be the most distinctive thing you would have noticed."

Nethisha flipped open the file and gasped. "We routed them many years ago," she said in glee. She looked up at Hammond. "May we call one of our military people to come talk to you?"

"Yes," Ares agreed. "I'd like to talk to them." He looked at Hammond, who shrugged.

"It can only help," the General agreed. He picked up the ringing phone. "Yes?" He sighed. "Send him down. I'll meet him in my office." He hung up then stood up. "I'll be right back." He left.

Ares looked the two women over. "Tell me about your armies," he requested gently. "What little I got from your daughter's mind was impressive."

Nethisha let her wife speak, that was more her area.

***

General Hammond shook Steve's hand as he walked in. "What happened?"

"Xander beat the demon person polluting his town and then left for Canada while his brother started the cleanup of the town. He sends this," he said, tossing the little thing over.

"What's this?"

"The demon guy used it to channel energy from his hand. All I know is that its still got his skin on it and that's rather gross." Steve sat down. "Is there a problem I can help with?"

"Only if you can deal with aliens," the General said absently as he looked it over.

"The negotiations?" Steve asked, looking pained.

"Not them, son," the General said, giving him a smile. "Explain what he did."

"Well, that top ring was around his middle finger," Steve said, pointing to the floppy ring. "The bigger one was around his wrist. The cross looking part was what shot the energy." He shrugged. "I don't deal with the strange stuff, that's Xander. I'm just the delivery guy." He stood up. "If you don't need me, I'm going to go to Vegas."

"Have fun," the General said absently, still trying to figure out if it was like what the Goa'uld used to shoot energy beams from their hands. He walked out, heading for the lab. He ran into Sam first. "Doctor Carter, this just fell into our hands. The person using it shot energy out of their hand," he said, handing it over. "I want to know how."

She grimaced at the dead skin. "Can I clean it first, sir?" she asked. He shrugged. "Thank you, sir. I'll get right on it. Did Nethisha come this way?"

"She's in the meeting room. They've beaten the Goa'uld before and we're seeing how." He walked away, confident that she had it well in hand. He walked in and shut the door before Sam could walk through it. "Ellison just dropped a puzzle in our lap," he told Ares.

Sam knocked then stuck her head in. "Sir, where did we send the Goa'uld hand weapon? I'll need to compare it."

"It went to New Mexico," Hammond told her. "They've got it locked up and haven't started looking at it after they blasted someone."

Ares held out a hand. "Let me see." She put it in his hand. "Hmm," he rumbled as he studied it. "It's to channel magical energy out this little mouth-shaped opening. The person would draw it from the earth, through their body, and out through their hand. Which is why the skin was stuck to it." He handed it back. "Useful, but dangerous to use."

She smiled. "Thank you, Lord Ares. Should we lock it up?"

"Just keep it away from Xander," he said coolly. "We don't think he needs the encouragement. Strife thinks that he'll go after Giles without any encouragement."

Jack shuddered. "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not going after him if he does."

"O'Neill, we're sending a full team with him if he does," General Hammond assured him.

"Huh?" Sam asked.

"My sister, Discord, released Giles, made him powerful, and sent him to the Goa'uld."

"I heard that part," she sighed.

"To be their God," Jack added.

She burst out laughing. "Really? Sir, can we see what's going on?"

"No, Captain," the General told her. "Go lock that up and get back into uniform." She saluted and walked out of the meeting room.

"She is a delightful woman," Nethisha told everyone. "Truly, she could be one of us."

"We noticed," Jack and the General said in unison.

Ares just snickered. He liked his women brassy and mouthy. He *really* liked these new aliens.

***

Xander looked up as Cupid appeared beside the new bed, giving him a warm smile. "Hey," he said in his favorite post-multiple orgasm voice. "Cuddle?"

Cupid, never one to pass up offers like that, climbed in on the other side of Xander. "Hey, Oz, we've got to tell you guys some bad news."

Xander giggled and rolled over to play with Cupid's firm chest and stomach. "I think I broke him," he confided.

Cupid giggled as Xander hit a ticklish spot, and he captured the hands. "I think you did too, but we still need to talk to him."

"Let him nap first," Oz suggested, not opening his eyes. "He'll be mentally there when he wakes up." He grabbed Xander's waist and pulled him back, eventually rolling to make a Xander sandwich. As soon as Xander was happily snoring, Oz opened his eyes. "What happened?"

"Eris released Giles, gave him his powers, and turned him onto the Goa'uld."

"Excuse me?" Oz asked.

"You heard it," Cupid agreed. "He's presently gaining status as their personal god."

Oz closed his eyes and put his head down on top of Xander's. "Wake us up when it makes sense."

Cupid settled in for a long wait. They both looked like it had been a long, hard, good ride. He took the time to look around the house, smiling at the great details, and that view. Marvelous. He heard the laughter and smiled. "Hey," he whispered. "Great job."

A little girl appeared beside the bed. "Thank you," she whispered back. "We like them, they're fun."

"Are you related to Lissa?" The little girl giggled and nodded. "Are you her sister Migrid?" She shook her head. "Then who are you?"

"Amrist, Goddess of Contentment, younger sister to Lissa and Migrid." Strife said as he appeared. "We were having lunch when she felt Xander go off." He nodded at the cuddled pair. "They asleep?"

"Post-coital crash," Cupid agreed. "I told Oz, he demanded the right to nap first."

Strife shrugged. "Okay. Unc's presently makin' moves on that queen and her wife. Jace and Eris got the map going. I'm gonna go take the kids back home."

"Stop in and check on Methos. I had to send Sam to calm them down," Cupid said quietly. He nudged Xander, and got one open eye. "She made the house," he whispered.

Xander wiggled his way over Cupid's body and gave the little Goddess a hug. "Thanks. It's the greatest of all houses," he told her. "We love it and we're going to live here for a long time."

She giggled and poked him on the nose. "Beep." Then she disappeared.

Strife giggled and stole a kiss from Xander. "Try ta stay outta trouble for a few days, 'kay." He followed Amrist.

Cupid pulled Xander back to his original spot and wrapped him in his arms. "Staying out of trouble we can do," he told the sleepy man, who just grinned at him and burrowed back into his chest. He sent a thought out to his mom, they would need her help. His mom was a mighty woman who could make many people beg. Maybe she'd go retrieve Giles for them and end the problem.

***

Strife appeared in the main off-world temple, smiling at the women sitting on the thrones. "I'm returning them, safe and sound," he said, pushing them forward.

Artten, Goddess of Godly Combat and War, looked over their daughters, frowning at the younger one. "Amrist, what did you do?" she asked, holding open her arms so they could get hugs.

"I made a house," she said proudly. She ran up and cuddled with her mommy, her sister hitting her mom's lap to get her own hug.

Strife scratched his head. "Yeah, she kinda made the Xander a house. The *perfect* house."

Grethen, Goddess of Grief, smiled at her younger daughter. "Did they appreciate it?" Her daughter giggled and blushed. She looked down at Strife.

"They appreciated it so much they *christened* it," Strife explained. "To the point where one'a our Gods'a love got a power boost and he's presently cuddlin' with them."

The couple laughed, but it was in delight. Their daughters created such joy in lives, even when it wasn't done to amuse. "You did very well," Artten told them both.

"I turned purpley," Lissa told her.

"Who did you turn purple?" Grethen asked.

"Hera," Strife told them. They looked clueless. "The matriarch of our clan. It was an improvement over what had been going on." He grinned at Lissa. "She's been a delight and I'll gladly watch her again."

There was a bright flash behind them and Hera appeared, already tapping her foot. "Strife, what is this I hear about those false Gods coming back?" she demanded. She looked around the temple. "Where is this?"

"This is the world that the anchors are workin' on. Um, this is Grethen, Goddess of Grief, and Artten, Goddess of War...."

"Goddess of Godly Combat and War," Artten corrected. "I only handle the Godly challenges." She nodded at Hera. "Thank you for your hospitality while our daughters were up there. I know they can be a bit...enthusiastic for those not used to them."

Hera waved a hand. "Beside those few times that I found myself the wrong color, I hardly saw them." She looked around again. "This is an excellent structure. I wish our own temples were this spacious."

Strife kept himself from saying anything about Hera's addiction to little trinkets, which was making her temple's open spaces shrink every day. "Should we arrange for a meetin' of the minds?" he suggested.

Hera gave him a condescending smile. "I think that's planned for when they come to our world."

"In another year, your time," Grethen noted. "We could wait that long."

Artten gave a delicate cough. "It'll take that long to get all of our Gods to agree," she noted.

"There's that many of you?" Hera asked.

"There's sixty in our direct family," Grethen told them. "And the additional Gods that have been raised for their powerful natures. That's from this planet alone."

"There's six hundred or so planets with individual pantheons," Strife told her. Everyone looked at him. "I went and looked it up. I *can* read!"

"He tells good stories," Lissa told them all, breaking the tension.

"Pooh," Amrist agreed.

All three mothers smiled at the children, and Strife just grinned. "I think we could arrange to have a meeting," Hera agreed. "I wasn't going to include all our minor Gods, but you can bring them if you want. Also, it will give Bliss someone else to play with for a while."

Strife coughed. "Bliss is already up here. He and Migrid are playin' tag in the Market." Hera looked at him, one eyebrow already up. "He *likes* her," he explained. Hera nodded wisely.

Bliss and a little dark haired girl were walked in. "My Ladies, are these yours?" the man with them asked.

"One is," Hera told him. "Were they troublesome?"

The man bowed to her. "No, my Lady, but they were running through the market with some of the cubs and the ferrets, and some worried about their safety." He handed the two children over. "There has been a criminal loose in the market today and we didn't want them harmed."

Artten looked the man over. "They knocked over a what?" she asked finally.

"We think it was the cubs," the man said with a slight smile, "but the game of tag got rather involved and they didn't notice it." He patted Bliss on the head. "When someone yelled at him, he came back to help them pick up. He's very well mannered." He looked at Bliss. "If I may ask, which one is he?"

"He's from the diplomat's planet," Strife told him. "His name's Bliss, and his daddy's a Love God."

The man smiled and bowed. "Thank you." He smiled down at Bliss. "Feel free to come visit again anytime. The young Gods are always welcome in the Market." He backed out of the room, hoping he hadn't insulted anyone.

Hera looked down at Bliss. "Did you knock something over?" she asked calmly.

He shook his head. "It was a kitty," he told her. "They were talking and running and forgot to look out where they were going." Bliss smiled at his girlfriend. "Will you come play with me again?"

"Next week," Grethen told him. "Give them a chance to calm down first." She smiled at the young boy. "You have very pretty wings. None of our Gods have them."

Bliss giggled. "My daddy has them too. His are really *big*!"

"Yes, I've seen him," Artten told him. "I met him and Strife when someone stole Xander." She laughed when she saw the eyeroll Hera did. "We managed to get him back."

Bliss looked at Migrid, who looked determined. They nodded at each other. They would fix it.

***

Xander woke up warm, comfy, and cuddled. "Hey," he said through a yawn. "What's up?" He noticed he was laying on Cupid's chest and smiled up at him. "Did you need a cuddle?"

"You offered," Cupid told him, giving him a squeeze. "Besides, you'll need the hug when I give you the bad news."

"What bad news?" Xander asked, starting to pout. It had been such a good day. He'd gotten laid, and had nearly died from the pleasure. He had the *perfect* house, courtesy of a little Goddess. He stopped and looked at him. "I heard someone say something about Giles."

"Yup." Oz shifted and stretched. "Eris released him and sent him to go deal with the Goa'uld."

"But he doesn't have any powers," Xander complained. "What can he do against them?"

"He does now," Cupid told him. "Eris released all his powers, gave him a few spells that'll help him enslave them, then sent him across." He gave Xander another squeeze. "You're really comfortable," he said in appreciation. "Strife has all these angles."

"He is kinda skinny," Oz agreed. He wasn't going to snatch his Xander. Cupid looked over at him and grinned, apparently catching that thought. So he snatched him anyway. He wasn't in the mood to share his Xander. "What do we have to do about it?"

"Personally, I'd like to say nothin'," Cupid told them. "Leave him there for a while. He's managed to enslave a few of the higher ups already." He shifted over, snuggling back against the Xander. "When it's time, I'm all for sending Discord to go get him. And no, Xander, you may not go. It's much too dangerous."

"Wasn't planning on it," Xander noted, starting to hum deep in his chest. He was feeling *very* happy.

"Your hormones are broadcasting," Oz whispered.

Cupid snickered. "Yeah, and?" He lifted his head at the growl. "You mean you won't share your toy?"

"Not right now," Oz told him. "My Xander. Get your own."

"There's no other Xanders," Xander pointed out.

"Good point," Oz and Cupid said together. They stared each other down.

"Maybe later," Oz agreed. "If Xander agrees."

"What would Jace say?" Strife asked as he appeared, Hera right beside him with Bliss. He grinned at the guys on the bed. "Wanna camera?"

Xander grinned at him. "We love you too. Did you see the house? It's *great*!" Xander said, trying to wiggle out of the four arms. He wasn't successful. "Hey, Hera, what's with the Bliss guy?"

"He and Migrid were playing chase in the Market and there was a criminal loose so they returned him early." Hera zapped Cupid. "Get him, he's heavy."

Cupid reluctantly let the Xander go and rolled over, grabbing his son to cuddle. "Did you have fun?"

"Yup," Bliss said, bouncing on his father's chest. "We have fun and I give her ring. She pretty and nice. We get married."

Strife blinked a few times. "Excuse me?"

"It's something that kids do," Cupid told him.

Bliss shook his head, still smiling. "We talk, she likes me too. We marry. I tell her we engaged and she agree."

Hera disappeared, going to talk about this with the mothers.

Cupid patted Bliss on the head. "I'm sure she's a very nice girl." He sat up. "Xander, stay here until you have to go back, 'kay?"

"We need to bring Henri up," Oz told him.

"Actually," Strife told them, looking off into the distance. "Xander, get dressed in somethin' impressive and put on your illusion. The boys are in trouble."

Xander muttered as he climbed out of the large bed and headed for his closet. Which was still empty. "Um...." He found himself cleaned and clothed in one of his favorite suits. "Thanks." He grabbed onto Strife and they disappeared, appearing outside a hearing room. "What's going on?"

"Snobs who don't want the boys in the school because their mom's a servant," Strife said quietly. "Go get 'em."

Xander walked into the room and smiled at the shocked look D'Nalia had on her face. "You called?" he asked.

"Sir, do you have something to say in this matter?" the man sitting in the middle of the hearing board asked.

"Yes, I do," Xander said as he walked over to where the boys sat. "I'm their benefactor. I think I'm involved in this. I'm sorry I showed up late, but it was unavoidable." He patted both boys on the head. "You've both grown up quite a lot," he said with a grin. "We'll have dinner later." He looked at the board. "Is this really a hearing, or is this just some snobbery about what their mother does?"

"We feel that the boys' best interest isn't served by them being in such an...uncomfortable environment," one of the females stated.

Xander looked down, then back at her. "Who's uncomfortable? You or them?" He walked up to them and looked the three members over. "I know what this is, it's very obvious, and if you continue, my family has quite a few lawyers at their disposal. Your tactics of hated because their mother is presently my housekeeper won't work." He smiled back at D'Nalia. "Maybe you ought to ask her what her Ph.D. is in."

"She has a Ph.D.?" the male member asked.

D'Nalia stood up. "I have two Ph.D.'s actually. One in biology and one in chemistry. I used to be a virologist, but I retired when I found out I was pregnant." She looked at the Superintendent, the guy Xander was in a staring contest with. "Not only are my sons going to have the best education, but I didn't *need* the job. I enjoy working and Xander gave us a safe place to do so while raising my sons. Just because I decided it was too risky to do my job with a family doesn't mean that I decided to stoop low." She looked over the three members. "You may be trying to have my sons forcefully switched, but I will pursue this in court. I have no qualms about exposing the shitty nature of your school." She smiled at her sons. "As a matter of fact, if I didn't feel that your school was better for my children, I'd have already moved them because of your school's attitude problem. I also don't happen to like your teachers and how they treat anyone there on scholarship, which my sons aren't."

"No, they're not, are they," Xander agreed. "They're on trust fund." He looked back at the members of the board. "You may not know who I am, but I am quite wealthy. All of the proceeds from my writing and my jewelry has to go somewhere, and since I don't have children, these two are getting a lot of it when I pass on." He looked at the snotty woman again. "Is that *good* enough for you?" he sneered.

She swallowed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Harris, we had no idea. We thought that the children were being forced into an uncomfortable environment to better their standings."

"And how are their grades?" Xander asked.

"Mostly A's," the Superintendent admitted. He looked at the boys, then at their mother. Then he banged his gavel. "This matter is laid to rest. The boys will be allowed to stay."

Xander leaned down some. "And there was never any merit," he said coldly.

The man swallowed, remembering who this man was now. "And there was never any merit," he repeated quietly.

The boys whooped and hugged each other, then their mother. Then Sean jumped over the table and came to hug Xander. Xander hugged him tightly. "We missed you guys," he said, smiling at their mother. "I've got some killer stories to tell you guys."

Ian rushed over and hugged him too. "Welcome back, Uncle Xander."

Xander patted him on the head once he let him go. "Not quite yet. I'm on break. I'll be back in about a year." He smiled at them. "But trust me, we're going to have a lot to talk about when I get back and you guys are going to get major prezzies." He walked them back to their mother's side. "Hey," he said quietly.

"Where have you been?" she hissed. "We tried *everything* to get you."

"Not in here," he said quietly, leading them out into the empty hallway. "Oz and I took a short assignment to help Daniel and Blair," he told her in a near-whisper. "We're not exactly staying around here."

She stepped back. "You're what?"

"Have you read the new books?" he asked. She nodded, her face clouding up. "That's where."

She shook her head. "No way."

He nodded. "Definitely way. And they're great," he said with a grin. "Especially the telepathic cubs." He looked down at the boys. "You can't tell anyone, okay? It'll be announced in a year or so, but you can't tell anyone until then." He hugged them both again. "I really should be getting back. Oh, we've fixed Sunnydale and found the most perfect spot in Canada."

"How long before there's a house?" she asked, willing to change the subject.

"Already there," Xander said with a grin. "And we're going to build you guys a separate house." His grin got brighter. "It's so cool. You'll love it." He pulled her into a hug.

Someone cleared their throat behind the group. "I was only doing what I thought was best," the snotty female said quietly. "I'm sorry I was wrong."

D'Nalia looked her over and smiled cruelly at the woman who had been snotty to her since her boys had started school. "If you *ever* grab Ian by the shoulder again, especially if you dislocate it again, I'm going to go to my contacts and I'll make sure that you're very sorry," she said nicely. "I won't allow my boys to be hurt."

Xander looked at her. "Honey, if you *ever* touch or harm these boys again, I'm going to make your life a living hell, something which I excel at. Not only *can* I do what I wrote in that one series, but I *will* over these boys. So I would back the fuck off and go back to your little mansion before I buy it out from under you and run you out of town." He moved the boys in front of him, walking out of the building, their mother following. "You drive," he told her, following her to the car.

"How long are you back for?" she asked.

"Not long. We have to be back in Colorado in a few days. Oz is still in Canada." She looked at him. "I was helped down here by a *friend* who said you needed me."

She grinned. "Okay then. Dinner?"

"I need one of my cards," he added sheepishly. "My friend kinda dressed me and brought me here."

She waved a hand. "Your other bank opened a branch here," she told him. "We got a letter from them."

"How's Henri?" Xander asked as he got into the front.

"She's okay. She's bored, but otherwise she's fine. She's on a cruise right now." She laid a hand on Xander's thigh. "Really?"

He nodded. "Really. You'd love it. They wear almost no clothes. Their planet has less than three million people. It's a matrilineal society and they allow polyamorous marriages. It's so cool."

She nodded. "Okay. I'm looking forward to it."

"A year," he told her, patting her hand. "Let's go eat, I'm starved. Oz and I christened the new house."

She chuckled. "How many rooms does it have?"

"Three bedrooms in the loft, four hidden on the main floor behind the kitchen and living rooms under the loft area, and then a *huge* basement that's a playroom. And it's got killer views"

"Cool." She started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. "How long before Oz comes looking for you?"

"I guess that depends on whether or not someone wants me back there or I need to be here."

"No, you're going home tonight," Strife's voice floated out of the stereo. "Have dinner though, there's no food up there and it's too far out to deliver." The stereo staticed up then started back on the trendy rock station again.

"That was cool," Sean pronounced. "Mom, how did he do that?"

"Dear, that was Strife," D'Nalia told him. Xander looked at her. "He comes to check on the boys for you every once in a while," she admitted.

"That's who got me down here," Xander told her.

She laughed. "He's great."

"Too true," he agreed.

***

Oz strolled into Stargate Command with Xander on his arm, both of them relaxed, smiling, and happy. "Hey," he said as they walked into the meeting rooms.

"What's wrong?" Xander asked as he sat down. Everyone was frowning.

"Boys, there's been a small problem," General Hammond started.

"If this is about Giles, Strife and Cupid told us," Oz said.

The General relaxed and smiled. "Good. We were worried that you'd want to go after him."

"Not right now," Xander told him, "but I want to keep that open if something major happens and we have to deal with it." The General nodded. "Cool. What else is going on? There were way too many guards up-top for things to be normal," he said at the look he got.

"We almost got invaded by the Goa'uld," the General admitted. "Oz, you're going to be working exclusively with a new military liaison for a few days."

Oz shook his head. "I'm not leaving Xander alone that long. He can come with us, I have no doubt we're going to be up at the palace for a few days."

"Our new house is great and I got a new story done that I was going to have read," Xander said happily.

The General nodded. "However you want to work it out. This liaison is used to working multiple tasks. He's the newly retired JAG."

Oz whistled. "I've heard of him. Very tough but fair." He looked at Xander. "We're finding a way to soothe his hormones down again, they've rebounded back into the stratosphere."

The General sighed. "Are you sure you want to go back?"

"Yes," Xander said firmly. "They have people with the same sort of condition up there. We're going to ask for someone to check on mine and see if there's another alternative, besides wearing them out."

Hammond chuckled. "Good boys. All right, the JAG is waiting on you back at the house. Jack brought him over earlier. Have fun and we'll talk again in a week, Earth time."

"Yes, sir," they said together, standing up and walking away. They walked down the corridors and into the gateroom, waving at the soldiers standing at the ready.

"We'll be back in a few days," Xander called as they walked across the gateway. A guard was waiting on them. "Hi," he said, smiling lightly at her. "What's going on?"

"Nethisha wanted you to come tell her about your vacation," the guard said, nodding at them. "The newest diplomat is already up there."

"Let us go see the animals and we'll be up," Oz told her.

"It won't take long," she promised. "Just a check in and setting up of schedules."

"Okay," Xander sighed, getting onto the cart with her. "We need to ask her to refer us to someone anyway."

"Good point," Oz agreed as he got on too. They flew to the palace, then got off and were led inside. They were led down to a lower level than usual, the prison level. "What's going on?"

"They're down here," she said, leading them to a chamber. She pounded, then opened the door, letting them go inside. The door slammed behind them.

Nethisha smiled at them. "I think we're having problems," she told him. "There seems to be a small coup."

Xander smiled and rushed over to give her a hug. "Don't worry, we will fix this. Who is it?"

"I thought your crown picked the leader," Oz said, looking at the door. He looked over at Methos, who nodded. "Good. Xander, hair stuff?"

"Yup," Xander said, handing over one of his handcrafted hairpins. He looked at her again. "Who is it?"

"A cousin of my third wife. Her daughter is one of those the crown was looking at for further down the succession. I'm sure this will be resolved quickly. She'll have to present herself and her daughter wearing the crown within three days or everything shuts down."

"And the crown, being sentient, won't allow it?" Oz asked. He got out of Methos' way, after giving him a hug. "How long?"

"Two more days," a man said from the far wall. "Harris, Osbourne," he said as he stepped into the light. "I believe we should have met today."

"General," Oz said, shaking his hand. "I've heard of you. Xander, this is the new military liaison. Sir, my husband Xander." He watched as they shook hands. "Don't worry, sir, we're very good at this."

Methos stepped back and shoved the pin back into Xander's hair, right before the door opened. "You," the woman said, pointing at Oz. "Come."

"No," Oz told her. "I don't leave my mate."

Xander carefully pulled a shiv out of his hair and palmed it, holding it behind his back. "You take my mate over your dead body." She pointed a weapon at him and he threw the knife, hitting her in the chest. "No one touches what's mine," he told her dead body. He walked over and shoved open the door. "Shall we?" he suggested. "Oz, take the Queen upstairs." He headed out, going to check the other cells and pray for help. A male and female appeared down the hallway and he walked slowly up to them. "Lady Artten, thank you," he said as he bowed to her.

"I only do Godly combat," she told him, but she was smiling. "You are fine?"

"I'm great," he said with a sheepish grin. "We're getting my hormones fixed." He looked at the man. "Is this your counterpart?"

"No, this is my chosen son, who will fight for Nethisha. You may borrow him," she said, shoving him forward. "Do try not to hurt him too much." She disappeared.

Xander looked him over, nodding. "Cool. Someone's tried to take the crown by force. Nethisha is headed up to try and get it back." The man ran off, going to help. Xander checked the last cell, smiling at the woman inside. "Hey," he said as he released the First Wife and Husband. "She's headed upstairs."

She hugged him and whispered in his ear. "My name is Ris." Then she ran to help her wife.

"Wow," Xander said, following them. He knew her people thought that giving names meant that you had power or control over them. He stopped long enough to find the weapons lockers, and to grab stuff for himself, then headed upstairs too. The fight was on.

"Don't hit the girl wearing the crown," Oz called.

"Or the crown!" Ris yelled, taking on a guard.

Xander nodded, heading for the woman guarding the child. He shot her in the leg, making her scream and the fight stop for a moment. "Let go of the child," he ordered, deciding on the direct approach.

The girl looked at him and this unearthly voice came out of her mouth. "Who are you to interrupt my workings?"

"Who are you to overthrow someone you chose?" he countered, trying to remove the crown. He didn't make it, and he got shocked for it. The woman shrieked and lunged at him, but he dodged her and tried again. They danced around the girl, and eventually Oz made it to his side, but it was his fight. He finally managed to grab the crown, and the girl shrieked. She fainted and he got out of the way of the rushing people. A man stepped in front of him.

"Give me the crown," he ordered softly. Xander gave him a look. "I am a guardian of the crown and it is my job to protect it."

"Nethisha?" he called.

"He is the guardian," she agreed as she walked over. "I want it first though." He handed it over and she examined it. Then she handed it to the guardian. "There's spots on it."

He looked the crown over, then blanched. "I will have them look at it."

"Doesn't she kinda need it?" Oz asked as he stepped closer. "She said that the girl would have to present herself in it."

"They're probably already on their way," Nethisha told him, giving him a pat on the head. "The person who would have to look at it would also have to confirm that the crown wanted the girl." She looked at the girl, then at the crown. "If what happened is like with that other crown, she'll need help."

"She seems to need it anyway," Xander pointed out. "She's not breathing very often."

"Her kind don't," Nethisha told him. "Guards, fetch a physician and put this girl in a room, under watch." The guards hurried to do as they were bid.

"If I may ask," the JAG quietly asked one of the guards. "Why were they fighting for the upstart?"

"The crown is made of a semi-sentient metal," Oz explained. "It picks who will lead and the guards are sworn to it, not the leader." He noticed everyone was looking at him. "It was in the fact book you gave to the diplomats," he reminded them. Everyone went back to cleaning up. "Will this hinder our mission?" Oz asked Nethisha.

"Not necessarily. The girl ordered you confined because she knew you'd help me." She pulled Xander over, looking at his hair. "Where do you store these things?" she asked finally.

Xander wiped off his dagger, which had been handed back to him, then put it back in his hair in the correct spot. "That's where that goes." He touched his hairpin. "That's what Meth used on the door."

She laughed. "You really don't travel without a weapon, do you?"

He shook his head. "It's a very bad idea." He glanced around. "What would you like us to do?"

"The other diplomats have been confined to their house," Ris said as she walked over to their group. "I've sent word to free them and let them go back to your base for their own safety. If you wish to go...."

Xander shrugged. "It doesn't much matter to us. We've just had a vacation and our group was picked because we could protect ourselves." He pulled Nethisha a little closer. "We also need to talk to someone who knows about hormones. Mine have surged again and we know that's going to cause trouble."

She hugged him. "I know of the person to ask, but it will have to wait until this is over." She let him go and backed away. "Xander and Oz cannot go anyway, they need to stay and talk to the representative of the Empire about that planet," she announced. "The other diplomats will be evacuated for their own safety." She walked away, heading for the solarium to check on the cats. Ris shot them a smile before following her wife.

Xander looped his arm through Oz's. "General, would you like to come back with us or would you like to go back to the base?"

"With you, after I stop at the base," he agreed, following them from the palace. "What was that about?" he asked once they were in the Market.

"He has a funky hormone condition," Oz explained. "It leads to him getting kidnaped." He nodded at a young girl. "One of your groupies."

Xander waved at her and she squealed, running over to give him a hug. "How have you been while I was gone?"

"We all waited patiently and pouted," she reported. She looked back at the palace. "Is everything fixed?"

"They think they found out what's wrong and someone's coming to look at the crown," Oz told her. A guard walked up to them. "It was fixed," he announced.

"How do you know about our crowns?" the guard demanded.

"It was in the fact book given to the diplomats," Oz reminded her. She frowned. "Sorry, but it was."

She nodded, looking down at the young girl. "You will ignore that part."

The girl shrugged. "I wasn't going to tell anybody. But that's what we thought happened anyway. We've heard rumors about another crown getting sick and doing the same thing."

The guard's frown got deeper. "You will still not say anything." The girl nodded. So she looked at the diplomats. "Are you going home too?"

"No, we have to stay," Xander told her. "There's someone who wants to talk to me about the planet I ended up stranded on." He glanced around. "We're sorry if we said something inappropriate, we thought everyone knew about the crowns."

The guard relaxed. "Thank you. Don't say any more about it. Those situations are very volatile."

"There was nearly a riot last night," the girl agreed. "Will you be working soon, Xander?"

"Not until this is all fixed," Oz told her. "We don't want to get his coworker hurt, or any of you." She laughed. "So we're going to go home and check on our animals."

"They're all up at the palace," the guard told them.

"We'll call to check on them once we get home," Oz said, starting to walk again. "We'll be at home."

"Thank you," the guard called after them. She nodded at the young girl. "Very well done," she said.

"They're good men," she agreed. "They won't hurt us."

"Good. We don't need more bad men." The guard walked away, going back to her duties. The girl went back to her shopping.

***

Xander opened the door and watched as all their animals ran inside, followed by Blair, Daniel, and Jack. "Confined with the furries?" he asked Jack.

"They thought we were the bigger threat," Daniel said. He headed up the stairs. "They interrupted our nap."

"It's all good with us," Oz said as he walked out of the back hallway to join his husband at the door. "Were they any trouble?"

"No," the guard said with a blush. "Just the normal ferret routine."

Oz nodded. "Someone end up with one down their shirt?"

"A few people did," she said. "There's one missing, we think it's still in the palace."

"It's not the one with the collar, right?" Xander asked. She shook her head quickly. "Good. They love Dessie." He nodded. "Did you need anything else?"

"I have a message asking for you to come up later tonight. The First Wife will come down to get you." They both nodded. "Thank you for your understanding." She got back onto the cart and left, after handing over a hidden kitten who had come out to bat at her ankles.

"You're such a naughty kitten, Homer," Xander said, smiling at his kitten and rubbing noses with the little furry. "Come on, let's go eat," he told the animals, heading for the kitchen area.

Oz shook his head. He wouldn't be seeing Xander again for many hours.

***

Xander looked up as someone walked into their living room, nodding at General Hammond then going back to his work. "They all get home okay?" he asked as he finished the paragraph he was editing.

"They got back fine. Are you six all right?" He sat down across from Xander. "Another story?"

"Yup. And even one I'm supposed to be doing," Xander said with an absent grin. "We're fine. The animals are back. They're all fine. Oz has hidden himself in the back room." He looked up. "We're okay. You picked us because we can protect ourselves."

Hammond smiled. "I remember. What happened?"

"There's a disease in the crown," Oz said as he walked in. "It happened with one of the other crowns, or so the rumors go." He handed Xander a sandwich. "The maid's gone."

"Yay," Xander said, going back to his writing. "Oz, does this sentence sound funny?" he asked, pointing at his laptop's screen.

Oz looked at it, then shook his head. "No more awkward than the native language can be." He nodded at the General to follow him. "He's got to get this done, he's presenting it tonight," he explained as they walked toward the back of the house. "We were asked politely to not talk about the crown's problems."

"I see. Is it common knowledge?"

"Apparently, but they didn't think that they told us. I had to keep reminding them it was in the diplomat's fact book." He held the door open to the kitchen. "Jack and Daniel were locked in with the animals so they're starved." He went back to shredding the meat for the begging dogs. "Here we are," Oz said as he tossed down the smaller pieces. He hopped up to sit on the stool next to the counter. "How are the diplomats?"

"Most of them are fine, they've been in this type of situation before, especially Webb. He managed to keep almost everyone calm while they left. They're all being warehoused at the base until they can come back." The General looked around, he hadn't been in the kitchen before. "How is Xander doing?"

"Fine. His hormones aren't out of hand yet. I'm going to have to ...relieve the pressure before we go up to the palace tonight, or he'll end up enslaving a bunch of women," he finished with a wry look. "I'm pretty sure he's going to break out in a spontaneous dance."

The General chuckled. "I'm sure it would take some of the tension out of the situation." He looked around again. "Where did the maid go?"

"She was released from service so no one would be able to hurt her if someone decided to attack the house. We think we'll be getting someone back as soon as this situation is over with. Otherwise, we'll force Meth to cook for us."

Xander wandered into the kitchen, blowing kisses. "Oz, I'm itching again."

"Go shave," Oz suggested. "That way we'll be ready before it's time to go."

Xander looked at him. "I shaved while I was in Florida. I don't need to do it yet." He looked over at the General. "Any new orders?"

"Just to maintain the line," the General told him. "What's this that Webb heard about you and that other planet you ended up on?"

Xander shrugged. "I don't know," he lied. He really didn't want to have squatters rights to a planet, it would really screw up his taxes. "Someone's coming to talk to me about it." He looked over at Oz. "What are we wearing tonight?"

"I laid out clothes already," Oz told him. "Go bathe, I'll jump in with you in a few." Xander nodded and walked away, heading for the bathing chambers. Oz sighed. "I think he's bored."

The General's laugh boomed around the room. "Only that boy could be bored in a paradise like this, even under house guard."

Oz shook his head. "You don't know Xander. Trust me, Xander could easily become bored surrounded by his favorite things and animals, and having sixteen projects in line for him to work on. He's bored."

"No, I'm not," was called from the hallway. "If I was bored, I'd be in the market in that one aisle."

Oz groaned. "No, not more toys," he muttered, holding his head.

The General patted Oz on the shoulder. "Hold on, Oz, it won't be too much longer." He looked around again. "Any idea what's going on tonight?"

"Not a clue," Oz admitted. "I know Xander planned on putting forward his next story for approval. I know that the First Wife wanted to talk to us because she's picking us up personally. Other than that, I'm assuming it's just dinner with people who won't try to hurt her."

The General nodded. "All right. I'll go deal with the diplomats. Come see us when this is over with, one way or another." He headed out, stopping to pet one of the dogs. Who started to follow him. "No, you belong here," he gently chided the animal.

Oz walked out and handed over a small bag. Then he picked up the dog and handed it over too. "We believe our pets pick their owners," he said, then he went to go help his husband bathe.

The General looked down at his dog, smiling when he felt the whip-like tail beating him on the leg. "What are you?" he asked.

The dog barked. Apparently it was happy.

The General walked out with his new friend, stopping long enough to greet the telepathic cat sitting outside the house.

***

Xander swayed up to the First Wife, giving her one of his best teasing grins. "Did you like it?" he asked.

She hugged him. "I haven't heard a retelling like that in years," she praised. "Very good work." She led him a little way away. "Xander, tell me about this hormonal condition."

"It's basically an over abundance of them, and they attract people to me."

"And those things that you sent from the market?"

"The scent originally attracted just them, but now they've branched out and they attract anyone close enough and able to smell them. Oz really hates it, but I always figured it was part of who I am."

She nodded. "You know that we have people with similar conditions?"

"Which is why Oz wanted us to talk to them. Personally, I think he's just tired of rescuing me," he said with a wink.

Ris laughed. "I'm sure he is." She led him back to the group, smiling at her wife. "He is one who should be marked," she told Nethisha as they walked past her. "He attracts everyone."

Nethisha looked Xander over, noticing how he was moving. "Xander, would you dance for us?" she asked in her sweetest tone.

Xander looked at Oz, who shrugged, then nodded. "Sure. Give me a minute to stretch." He walked over to where he and Oz had been sitting so he could take off his jacket and most of his jewelry. As he stretched with Oz's help, he felt the usual twinges. He needed to practice some more.

"Just relax and let it flow," Oz said softly. "Your body's broadcasting and your nature will come out to play. Just remember that you're mine." He let Xander go, after giving him a long, hard kiss.

Xander moved into the middle of the floor and tipped his head down, letting the music in his head flow through his body. As he moved, he tried to follow the music, wanting to do something different and original. The music in his head flowed from one song to the next without stop, barely changing his rhythm and style. As he moved into the third, starting to sweat heavily now, he noticed the feeling of the room and pulled himself out far enough to see what was going on around him. He stopped when he saw everyone was looking at him.

"Finish it," Oz told him. "It was good."

Xander tried to capture the music, but it was gone. He shrugged and gave them a pitiful look. "I'm sorry, I lost it."

Nethisha pulled him into her arms. "It's all right," she said, her voice warm but husky. "It was better than your usual ones." She smiled at Oz. "I'll give you twenty thousand gold for him."

Oz nearly whistled. Working through the exchange scale that was nearly six hundred million dollars. "Mine," he said quietly, holding out a hand. Xander jogged over and hugged him. "But now that you realize about his hormones, do you think we can find someone to help us blunt them just a little bit?"

"Definitely," Ris said, eyeing Xander. She wouldn't mind having a man who could do things like that either, but she wouldn't interfere with their bond. "We have a few specialists. We'll even send the tape to them, I'm sure part of the power of the dance will come through." She swallowed and looked at her wife, who was all but masturbating right there. "Boys, do you need a ride home?" she asked.

"No, we've got it," Oz said, helping Xander pick up his things so they could go home. "We'll leave the story here for you to look over until tomorrow." He led his mate from the palace, nodding at the bodyguard waiting on them. "Xander danced," he explained. The guard's eyes opened wider, but she nodded and let them out of the gate, following right behind them.

"At least it wore it out some," Xander offered as they walked through the quiet market.

"Yup, which is always of the good," Oz agreed. "I don't think I could have worn that much of it from you." He looked Xander over. "You do want to calm them down, don't you?"

"Yes," Xander sighed. "I wouldn't mind keeping things like earlier, but the attraction part sucks, you know that. I don't want anything that'll take me away from you." He smiled at his mate. "Though I could use a backrub when we get home. That whole bending backwards while doing strange motions with my arms part got to me."

"Sure, babe, you know I'll always take care of you." They opened the front door, smiling at the people waiting on them. "He danced," he explained as he ushered Xander up the stairs. They firmly closed and locked the door, intending to get into some serious wearing out of the hormones.

Daniel looked at Blair. "Do you think that'll cause a riot?" he asked.

Blair shook his head. "No, his dancing always causes happy feelings. Or at least all we've ever seen were happy feelings." He looked at Sam, who was back in uniform. "You think it'll be bad?"

"Only if someone tries to take him again," she offered. "Or if they rush the house to try and make him dance in public."

Blair shook his head. "They broadcasted the one he just did. I doubt they're coming if they're not already here."

Jack coughed. "Did you recognize any of that?"

Daniel shook his head. "It was free form." He took Blair's hand and led him up to their room. "We're going to nap," he called down to his coworkers.

Sam looked at Jack, who shook his head. "Does that mean that you don't feel left out?"

Jack shrugged. "I was married. You get used to feeling left out." He headed for the garden. There was something out there that he could wear out his sexual frustration on.

Sam headed up to her bathroom, she had her own way of dealing with the need.

Happy Squeals.

Xander looked up from his selection of metals. "What's wrong?" he asked his coworker, the jewelry forger he borrowed space from once a week. "You look upset about something." He dropped the stones he had brought from home to work on while they waited for all the diplomatic problems to be worked out.

"Just considering." The jewelry maker turned to look at him, leaning against a work bench. "What do you have to do to repay your training?"

"Huh?" Xander closed his tacklebox of jewels and dropped a half-finished hairpin on top of it. "My training isn't like that."

"But everyone has to repay for training, usually in hours working for the temple." He pointed toward the temple of prostitution, a necessary and pleasurable place for most of the native population to spend time at. "So, what do you have to do?"

Xander shook his head. "Sorry, man. I'm not taking that sort of training. They're trying to teach me how to lower my hormone levels consciously instead of letting them do whatever they want." He grinned. "Not that I couldn't learn some tricks from them about sex, but I'm pretty okay in that field already."

"Oh." The other guy blinked a few times. "You don't have to repay in hours?" Xander shook his head. "Why not?"

"I guess it's got something to do with the whole diplomat thing," Xander said, starting to feel uneasy. "I asked if I had to do a service for them and they said no. I guess the stuff I brought with us about our world's sexuality was enough." He leaned against his own workbench, studying him. "Does everyone expect me to take a turn servicing people?" The jeweler nodded. "Well, damn." He glanced around the little shop. "I think I want to go talk to Oz. I'll be back later." He gathered up his stuff and headed for the house. He needed to not only talk to Oz, but to their sponsor, the Queen's First Wife. He walked into the house and slammed the door. "OZ!" Oz walked out of the living room. "Did you know that everyone expects me to work off my training?" Oz shook his head, after a short pause. "Well, they do. I just got asked when I take time off to go over there."

Oz waved Xander into the living room, sitting him down in one of the chairs, across from the Military Liaison. "Start from the top."

"Okay, we asked about any fees, right?" Oz nodded. "And we made sure that I wasn't going to owe a debt to the temple?" Oz nodded again. "But yet, my buddy at the shop just wanted to know when I was going to start working at the temple because *everyone* has to pay them in hours worked."

Rear Admiral AJ Chegwidden cleared his throat. "Did you sign a contract? I'd be willing to look it over for you." Xander stared at him. "I was a lawyer for the military, son, I can do things like that."

"Okay," Xander said, looking up at Oz. "Where did you put it?"

"In our room, I'll go get it." He leaned down and kissed Xander on the head. "Calm down. I won't let them force you to work over there." He jogged up the stairs, leaving them alone.

"He's right, Xander, if you signed a contract they can't make you do such a vile service."

Xander raised an eyebrow. "To them, sex is a necessary activity, not a moral issue. And by the way, that's not the problem. The problem is that I refuse to cheat on Oz, ever. I won't allow myself to be pulled away from Oz, not even to get control of a rogue hormone problem that keeps getting me kidnaped. We'll deal some other way if we have to, but I'm not cheating on Oz."

"Good man," Chegwidden agreed, smiling at him. "It's good to see stable relationships, no matter what the type." He turned his smile on Oz as he walked back down. "That's very thin."

"They don't really do formal contracts," Oz explained. "They still live on the honor principle." He sat down in Xander's lap, watching as the Admiral read the short form. He straightened up when he saw the smile. "Good news?"

"Very good news." Chegwidden handed it back to Oz. "It says you don't have to perform any service for your training." He leaned back in his marshmallow chair. "That leaves public perception."

"Which is probably why no one's come to the stall recently," Xander put in. Oz nodded. "Well, gee, that sucks."

Oz stroked over Xander's chest. "I'm sure it'll get better. Maybe the First Wife will help us out with that. We'll call her in a few minutes."

"If worse comes to worse, you can always run back home," Chegwidden reminded them. "I'm sure you have something you could be doing back there and it'd still be a help to the project."

Xander shrugged. "Maybe." He looked at Oz. "What do I do?" he asked quietly.

"Let me call Nethisha, she'll have a clue." Oz forced himself to get up and headed into the kitchen to make the call. "Hey," he told the husband who answered. "I've got a question for our sponsor. Is she in?"

"She is," the husband said formally. "Give her a moment please." He walked away, but left the link open. "It's the tradarin's mate," his voice called, using the word for prostitute.

Oz was about ready to kill the minor husband by the time Nethisha came in front of the camera. "Xander's been approached about working," he said quietly and calmly. "We know he doesn't have to, we appreciated the help with the negotiations you gave us, but he's very worried about this."

Nethisha bit her lip and glared at someone off-camera. "As he should be. I know that our daughter didn't go to watch him today because someone told her about it. She was hoping to monopolize his attention once he started working." She smiled at him. "We did manage to convince her that it wasn't going to happen."

Ris, the First Wife, leaned around her wife's body. "Is he going to leave and hide?"

Oz shrugged. "I think he's about ready to. This really bothers him. It makes him feel like he's going to be forced to cheat on me and he's nearly in tears."

Nethisha sighed. "I'll do what I can, but public opinion in this matter is very fierce." She smiled and patted her wife's hand. "We'll both do what we can. Did you want to miss dinner tonight?"

"Yeah, I think so," Oz agreed. "He's pretty shaken. He came home from work early when his friend down there asked him about it." He glanced toward the living room, where the two men were quietly talking. "I'd better get back to him. Did you like that story?"

"Very much," Ris praised. "It was an excellent retelling. We'll send his computer over tonight so he can send it on. We have noted a few corrections in the story, but otherwise it was excellent."

"Thanks." Oz waved and signed off, heading back to give Xander the good news. "They're sending your laptop over tonight so you can check for the few corrections," he said as he slid into Xander's lap. He noticed their other visitor and waved. "Hey. Jack's in the garden working on the little pond. Apparently he's upset by the scum on a corner of it."

"He's allergic," Xander said quietly. "He removes it so he can sit out there and think." He looked at the Colonel, who was giving them a dirty look. "At least we're not in the military," he said sharply, giving him back as good as he got.

The Colonel headed for the kitchen, managing to miss most of the ferrets that were running toward the living room. As he walked out of the house, he muttered to himself about the destruction of his beloved Corps. He found Jack and glared at him. "You don't salute?" he ordered.

Jack snapped off a salute without looking up from his book. "I'm not on duty, I don't have to." He looked up then and shrugged. "What's wrong on base? Hammond need us?"

"I doubt he needs any more fags!" He kicked a rock into the pond. "I don't know what you think you're doing here, but lounging around probably isn't it!"

Jack stood up and looked the other man over. Sure, he was older, stronger, wiser, and smarter, but he wanted to show this idiot up. "No, my job is to deal with the diplomatic issues that Captain Carter can't handle. Right now, since the diplomats are back on the base, I have a vacation. If you don't like that, then go back to Hammond and whine to him." He poked the man on the chest. "And if you *ever* come up to me again and start in about *other* people's orientation, I'm going to send your smug ass to the brig!" He poked him again, sending him into the pond. "Get out of there before you poison the fish!" He sat down on his chair again and picked his book back up. "Leave now, or I'm going to drag you back by your stupid-ass comb- over!"

The Colonel huffed as he pulled himself out of the pond. "Hammond wants to see you anyway," he sneered.

"Good." Jack slapped his book down and grabbed the idiot, pushing him in front of him. "Let's go." He shoved him through the house, stopping long enough to have a word with Oz about what had happened. Then they continued to the base, Jack shoving the idiot through the gateway hard enough that he fell. "Oh, did that hurt?" he taunted coldly, heading up to the office. He tapped on the door. "Sir, with all due respect, if you send that Colonel back I'm going to deck him." Hammond waved him in so he walked in and shut the door, standing at parade rest. "You wanted to see me?"

"First, what did he do?"

"He decided to sneer at Xander, and when he got it shoved back in his face, he tried to say I was gay and threatened me. I did teach him a *small* lesson, and I can only hope he didn't poison the fish in the pond."

Hammond leaned back and looked him over. "At ease," he ordered. "Explain."

"He decided that my taking some time to read was not only wrong, but another sign that the gays had taken over the service. He also called me a fag." He glanced around, then back at his commanding officer. "I only hit him with a finger, sir. I was polite, even when he ordered me to salute him."

Hammond smiled. "Thank you. I'll have a discussion with him once he's changed. Did the Admiral get there?"

"He was helping Xander and Oz with something since they were waiting on the diplomatic dinner tonight, sir."

"Good. What's wrong with Xander?"

Jack glanced around again. "With all that's been going on, did you hear that he was taking training to control his hormones?" His boss nodded, looking pleased. "There's a common misconception that he's going to be spending some time *paying back* his training at the temple." Hammond winced. "He was all but crying when he came home. I was in the kitchen and heard most of it."

The General smiled. "All right then, I'll expect him to come home soon for a break." He handed over an envelope. "That's your upcoming tour schedule. You'll notice that there's another visit by the President, with his wife this time. There may also be a visit by some of his upper-level staff to get some last minute details settled for the alien's first visit here." He shifted, crossing his feet. "Besides that, there's going to be a *short* daytrip for Nethisha's daughter to come visit the town, get used to the atmosphere, make sure that they're totally compatible and all that."

Jack nodded. "All right. Am I taking Siblinth on her daytrip?"

"No, I was planning on making it Ellison's job," Hammond said lightly. "With some guards of course." Jack smiled and nearly laughed. "If Xander's going to be coming back, I might make him do it instead though." He nodded at the envelope. "Go hand that off to Carter and Oz, and give me any objections by tonight, Earth time. Dismissed." Jack saluted and headed out. "And call that Colonel in here!" he called after him. He snorted once the door was shut. "I will straighten that out." He pulled out a transfer form and started to fill it out. He was sure the Colonel would appreciate somewhere more...military oriented. "Sit down," he ordered when the man knocked and walked in. "We've got to have a talk, son."

***

Xander flinched as he heard the comments, clinging tighter to Oz's hand. "I don't want to be here," he whispered.

"I'll support in whatever you do," Oz reminded him. "If you want to go home, go. We'll be done within six months." He kissed Xander on the cheek.

Xander pulled his mate's head around, giving him a real kiss. "I'll be waiting for you," he promised, then he released Oz and jogged back to the house. He couldn't take the staring and whispering anymore. He ran into Ray, who was just coming back. "I want you to watch Oz for me," he said seriously. Ray dropped his bag and stared at him. "I'm heading home. I can't take it anymore and I'm going to go home, and eat chocolate, and be appreciated, and be happy with myself."

Ray pulled Xander in for a hug. "I'll watch him for ya," Ray promised. "I'll even make sure Meth'll put him between us for naps." He let Xander go a little bit. "You'll write?" Xander nodded. "Okay. Have fun at home and be good!" He gave him a kiss. "Six months or so and we'll be there with ya." He let him go, watching as he walked up the stairs to pack. "Methos?" Ray called, bringing his lover out of the bathroom. "Xander's headed home."

"I expected as much," Methos said calmly, smiling at his husband. "We'll watch out for Oz. Which animals is he taking with him?"

"I don't know," Ray admitted. "Xander, animals?"

"Ferrets, my cat, and Rocky's son's puppies," Xander called from down the stairs. "Cages are in the storage room next to the bathroom." He came down with his three bags, one slung over his shoulder. "Thanks, guys."

"Hey, anything for you, ya know that," Ray said with a grin. He went to help capture the animals. They got most of the ferrets, but a few refused to come out of their hiding spots. He carried out the large carriers and put them into the cart. "We'll send the rest home as soon as they come out," he promised, giving Xander another hug. "Be safe. We'll be home soon." He watched as Xander got into the cart and it took off. "Damn," he muttered, going to help find the rest of the ferrets.

"You didn't take Dessie, did you?" Blair called from upstairs.

"No, she's in the kitchen with her babies," Ray called back. "We kept the chow too!" He smiled at his mate, who was holding a kitten. "We'll ask Oz who else gets sent back?" he suggested.

"That would be fine," Methos agreed, handing off the cat. He needed to go shave.

Ray sat down to pet the poor animal, it would miss her daddy.

***

Xander carried the last carrier through the gateway and smiled at the men waiting on him. "I set the armband off," he told them.

"Stand down!" Hammond yelled from upstairs. "Xander, do you need help?"

"Please?" He sat down on the ramp, counting to make sure he had everything. He hopped up and went to check, coming back with the smallest of carriers, the one with a single puppy. He sat down again as the General walked into the gate room. "Hey. I couldn't take it anymore."

"I understand fully," the General said kindly. He glared at the men standing there, with their hands still on their rifles. "I said stand down," he reminded them. They walked out. "Captain, I want them to go through the sensitivity lectures," he ordered, walking over to sit beside Xander. "Are you all right?"

"Fine. The whispers and the looks got to me. Oz understood." He leaned against the strong shoulder. "I don't like to be looked at like that. I got enough of that when I came home from my roadtrip."

"I know," the General said quietly, patting him on the head. "Let's get you topside. I'll arrange for you to get to Vegas at least."

"Thanks." Xander heaved himself up, then turned around and helped the older man to his feet too. "They keep saying six more months and it'll be done."

"It should be," General Hammond agreed, grabbing the pile of carrying cages. He nodded the man standing at the doorway over. "Grab some of these and take them topside. He's going home."

"Yes, sir!" the man shouted, grabbing the remaining cages so he could carry them out. Xander took the top one from him so the man wouldn't trip, and they headed up to the elevator and the surface.

***

Xander picked up the phone and dialed the resort. "Steve Ellison please?" he asked. He tapped his foot, watching the cages being loaded onto the cart. "Hey, Steve, it's Xander. No, the negotiations are fine, but I'm not needed anymore." He smiled. "Yeah, but I'm at the airport. Send me a car? Sure. For a day or so, unless you need to take some time off?" He chuckled. "All right, then I'm going to stay tonight and talk to you, then head to Florida." He checked his watch then hung up, counting the cages. "Where's the large ferret cage?" he asked.

"In the back, sir," the counterman told him. "We're getting them right now." He nodded at the animals. "Gone for a while?"

"Yeah, but we've all had our vet checks." He reached between the bars to pet a puppy while he waited, Steve had promised him a ride within an hour. When the ferrets came out, he smiled at his babies. "One more day then we'll be home again," he cooed, letting the guard move the trolley toward the entrance. "Is it hot outside today?"

"Fairly so," the guard told him. "Why'd you travel with so many of them?"

"We're just getting back from an extended trip," Xander explained. "That's why I had some of my working stuff with me."

"Did they go through quarantine?"

"We were in the country, just not at home." Xander waved a hand in front of his face as they walked outside, shaking his head. "This is horrible."

"This is summer in the desert, sir," the guard reminded him. "Are you staying at one of the big resorts?"

"No, I and my family run a small, kinda exclusive resort off the strip. Animal friendly and all," he promoted with a grin.

"So I can tell." He waved the limo driver over. "Here for Harris?"

The driver nodded. "Yes, sir." He looked at the animals. "Sir, Mr. Ellison said that we weren't going to be animal friendly for much longer."

"Bet me," Xander told him. "The resort was left to my husband, not him." He climbed into the back with the animals, letting the guards he had tipped generously deal with the other stuff. He checked on everyone on the ride in, more than ready to get out and let the animals free by the time they got to the resort. "Steve?" he called as he was helped out of the car. Steve smiled and came jogging out. "We are staying an animal friendly place. Jace liked the idea and we demand that it stay that way." Then he gave the man a hug. "Help me get the animals up to the room?"

Steve nodded, nearly struck dumb. "Do you know what sort of renovations we'd need?"

"I checked into it for Giles. We had a plan all drawn up."

"That's all well and good, but the city decided you had to update the air conditioning unit. That's a lot of money. Speaking of money, a forge?"

"Yes, Steve, a forge, for when your sword breaks. Because they do." He looked at the young immortal. Then he looked up. "Um, Jace?" he called. "Some explanations?"

She appeared with a giggle, rearranging her clothing. "Welcome back, Xander," she cooed as she gave him a hug. "Oh, animals!"

"Yes, but it's too expensive," Steve complained.

Jace frowned at him. "It is not! Many of us have to travel with our animals, especially when we have to run in the middle of the night. And yes, we do need a forge. Too many of us have come running for holy ground when our primary weapon breaks." She patted Steve on the head. "I like your management style, but Xander was right." She kissed Xander on the cheek. "Go settle in and I'll treat you to dinner," she offered.

"All right then," Xander said, starting to feel a little happier. "Want to watch me lose at baccarat later?"

"If it makes you feel better," she soothed, helping him by grabbing some of the animals off the luggage cart. "Come on. Steve, did you put him in the Executive Suite?"

Steve nodded, feeling railroaded. But he would do what they said, he was only managing the resort after all.

***

Jace snuggled up to Xander on the couch, letting him take some comfort by her presence. "What happened?" she asked quietly.

"I was getting training in controlling the hormones and everyone expected me to spend some time working off my training at the temple of prostitution."

"Oh, dear," Jace sighed. "Is that a normal thing?"

"Yeah, but I wasn't taking that sort of training, this was a basic training that's given to everyone who *might* have the problem. But everyone decided I was going to be ho'ing and I'm not!" He sniffed. "I won't cheat on Oz."

"I know you won't, so does he," she purred, pulling him down so he was resting against her chest. "I promise that he knows you won't cheat on him." She stroked down his back, smiling at the man who appeared behind them. "They decided he was going to start working as a pro," she told Cupid.

"It was a general perception," Cupid agreed. "I already heard it from Oz. He asked me to come give Xander a cuddle too." He sat down on the other side, snuggling up to Xander's free side. He smiled when he felt a familiar tingle start, and Bliss appeared in his lap. "This is Xander, Bliss."

"He not happy?"

"No, he's not happy." Cupid smoothed some of Bliss' feathers. "You can cuddle him if you want."

"'Kay." He shifted until he was resting against Xander's shoulder too, giving the best cuddle he knew how. "You come to wedding?"

Xander looked over at him. "Who's getting married?"

"Me and Migrid. She's pretty and said yes." Cupid patted him on the head. "It next week."

"It's a common thing that kids go through," Cupid told him. "I'm sure Xander would love to come to your wedding, son."

"I'll even bring you a prezzie," Xander promised with a weak smile.

"Cool. We like prezzies." Bliss snuggled in, and he laughed when Strife popped in on Xander's lap. "Comfy?" he asked his uncle.

"Sure am, kiddo," Strife agreed, snuggling into Xander's arms. "You okay?"

"Fine," Xander told him. "Just kinda upset."

"Cool. I'm gonna be right here with ya." He grinned at Jace. "Unc's been lookin' for ya."

"Yay," Jace said with a smile. "Friends come first." She kissed Xander's forehead. "I'll go to him once he's in bed and settled down for the night."

"Even cooler," Strife breathed. "I wanna watch that fight."

Jace pinkened slightly. "Do you really think there's going to be a *fight*?" she teased.

Strife leaned over to give her a kiss, but a hand got in his way. "Hey, she's ours too," he protested.

Ares glared down at him. "Once I'm done with her, you can have her...for a while." He smiled at Xander. "You okay?"

"Yup. You can steal the Jace." He wrapped his arms around Strife. "I'm going to keep the rest of them, they're very comforting."

"Coolness," Cupid agreed.

Ares pulled Jace up into his arms. "She'll be back later." They disappeared.

Bliss shifted over, getting the free side for himself. He was a big god, he could have a whole side to himself.

Xander snuggled into the warm arms, taking comfort from his friends.

***

Xander kicked his door, growling at it. "I know I live here," he told the door. "Why won't you open!"

"Because D'Nalia said that a rampaging bitch came and broke into the house two days ago so she had to change the locks," the neighbor called out a window. "I've got a spare. She and the boys are at the beach." She tossed down an envelope. "Welcome back, Mr. Harris." She looked down at the animal cages. "Ferrets?"

"Yup, and cats and dogs," Xander told her as he opened the door. "Why?"

"Because the city's trying to ban them," she explained.

Xander grinned. "Then I'll take them to Canada."

"Oh, are you Canadian?" Xander hesitated and she smiled. "Dual citizenship?" she suggested.

"Something like that," Xander agreed, carrying his animals inside. He went back to get the rest of the animals from the back of the cab, and then his bags. "Thanks," he called, waving at her. "Warn her if you want." He closed the door and flopped down onto the floor, releasing all the animals. "I think you guys might remember this place," he told them when everyone started to sniff around. "I know it's been a while, but really." He looked over as a large dog walked out of the hallway. "Hey, Sinjin. How's the puppy?" He held a hand out and the dog pounced him, lapping at him. "Good boy," he cooed, petting the dog. "Make nice with the others, okay?" He stood up and let his animals deal with it. He did remember to move the cages out of the way before taking his bags to the master bedroom. He stopped when he saw the dress laid across the foot of the bed, frowning at it. "I didn't know that any of us wore those." He shrugged and set his bags inside the door. D'Nalia would tell him what was going on as soon as she got home. He went to fix himself something to eat, hoping that the house at least some decent spoiling food. He settled on some wine and cheese, D'Nalia had imported salad stuff. He settled in to wait.

***

The boys ran through the door, stopping when they saw all the animals. "Xander!" they yelled in unison, running for the downstairs.

"I'm in the office," Xander yelled.

The twins ran in and hugged him, then went to tell their mother, who was impersonating a mule of burden. "Xander's home!" they shouted.

She dropped most of the beach stuff on the floor and headed for the office. "Hey. I'll move my mother's stuff out of the main bedroom."

"She still here?"

"No. She forgot some stuff." She leaned against the door frame. "What happened?" she asked when she noticed the glass of wine.

"Public perceptions." He finished his wine and held out the glass. "Want to go shopping for real food later?"

She walked in and took the glass. "The boys need to eat salad."

Xander grinned at her. "I don't, but I'll only be here for a few days. I miss the house in Sunnydale and Micah said that the pollution was gone." He stood up. "Chinese for dinner?"

"Sure," she relented. "It has vegetables." She frowned at his back. "Henri's in Canada," she called after him.

"I know, I emailed her after I got the new keys."

D'Nalia sighed. This was going to be a bit awkward. Only the animals seemed to really be comfortable with them coming back, they were all curled up together in the living room.

***

Xander looked up as he walked out of the airport, sighing at the dirty air in LA. "Gods, it just gets worse," he muttered as he walked over to the man with his name on his sign. "My car?" he asked. The man nodded. "Cool. I sent the animals ahead." He slung his bags into the back and climbed in after them. "Sunnydale."

"You sure, sir?"

"I live there. Haven't for a few years, but I'm quite sure my house is still there," Xander told him. "Why?"

"Big bust up that way," he said, his Mexican accent coming out thickly. "Lots of cops, many bad guys."

"An industrialist?" Xander suggested hopefully. The driver shrugged. "Wonderful. The phone work?" He got a nod so he picked it up and dialed Seth's number, he was still in Sunnydale. "Cops?" he asked. He pulled the phone away from his ear at the squeal. "Not deaf," he noted. "Cops?" He listened then smiled. "Good job. Nope, heading home now." He hung up. "Sunnydale," he said firmly.

The driver nodded and pulled out into traffic. This would probably be a very good tip.

Xander got out of the hired car and looked at the front of his house. Yup, it looked all right. He grabbed his bags and paid the driver, then headed for the door, which opened under his hand. "Hello?" he called.

"Seth sent me," Spike called from the kitchen. "Make sure it's still standin' an' all." He held out a bottle of beer. "He said you'd probably need it," at the questioning look. "Animals are in their room. He brought 'em up last night." He smiled. "Back already?"

"Yeah, I ran into a publicity problem." Xander hopped up to sit on the bar, sipping his beer quietly. "Everything okay in town?"

"As quiet as you'd like it. No real bad problems since that nasty bloke got taken away last month."

"Then who were the cops busting?" Xander finished off his beer and tossed the bottle into the sink so he could rinse it out later before tossing it into the recycling bin. "Any more?"

"Sure. I stocked the important stuff. Microwave sandwiches. Beer. Nuts. Chips. Lager. Whiskey."

Xander chuckled. "Thanks, Spike, it's good to know that some things are solid and unchangeable." He hopped down and walked over to the refrigerator, pulling out another beer. "Oz'll be home in about six months." He turned to find Spike giving him a funny look. "What?" he asked as he popped the top off.

"You don't smell," Spike said, sounding unhappy. "You on a downward swing?"

"Nope, mostly controlled now. That's part of why I had the publicity problem." Xander sipped the beer slowly. "Will it cause a problem?"

"Nah, mate, no problems. Probably fewer problems." He shrugged. "Gotta get home. Seth worries." He rolled his eyes. "Your bro's a very unusual vamp, mate."

"It runs in the family," Xander told him. He walked the vampire out, then leaned against the closed door. "Alone again," he sighed. "Ah, shit."

***

Cupid watched Xander listlessly pound something out on his forge and sighed. This was bad. Xander wasn't happy, he wasn't feeling good because he had nothing to do, and even worse, Oz was going to be more than six months. He looked over at his partner in crime and shrugged. "Can we give Xander something to do?"

"Have him help ya pick out the anniversary prezzie," Strife suggested, not looking up from his Hustler Comics magazine. "Thirty-five hundred years is a long time and he's got good taste."

"Yeah," Cupid said, starting to smile. "Yeah, I like that idea." He flashed down and landed behind Xander, pulling him into his arms. "Can I ask you for a favor?" he asked, looking his most pitiful.

Xander's heart melted and he hugged the Love God. "Anything for you guys, you know that."

Cupid mentally cheered. "Cool. See, Mom and Hephie's thirty-fifth hundred is in a month and I absolutely *can't* find a prezzie for them."

Xander grinned. "I could probably make her something. Jewelry?"

"Yeah, that'd be cool. Something original, but totally mom? Maybe something so kick ass that she'll squeal about for decades?"

Xander's naughty nature started to come forward. "Oh, I have *just* the idea," he told the God, picturing it in his mind.

Cupid's mouth fell open. Xander could do that? "Whoa, dude, that's kickin'. She'd *love* that. The squealage would be epic. Can you?"

"With a little help," Xander agreed. "Pink, right?" Cupid nodded. "Done. Give me a few weeks." He gave the Love God a squeeze. "Thanks." Then he sat down and looked around at his working materials.

Cupid went home, sitting down to watch the immortal again. At least Xander was occupied, even if that design was a bit much.

***

Xander looked up at the sky. //Mighty Hephaestus, hear my prayers. I've been given the best task in the world and I'd like your blessing on the monumental piece of jewelry I'm making. It's very ornate, very pretty, and very much for your wife. Please don't let me screw this up. Please don't hurt me for making Cupid's prezzie for him. Please don't tell your wife that I'm the one making it. Oh, and by the way, could I please have your wife's measurements? It's kinda important to the project.// He pulled out his remaining other-realmal metal and examined it for flaws. "Yeah, this'll be kick ass," he told himself, starting to work a small piece off so he could heat it. He looked over at the bright flash and smiled at the measurements that had been written down for him. //Thank you, Great God Hephaestus, I hope that my present pleases you both. And please don't tell your wife. I think Cupid wanted her to think he had found it for her.// He picked up the measurements and went inside while the first chunk of metal heated, going to find his dummy.

Yeah, this would be killer.

***

Xander trotted into his jewelry store, he owned about ten percent of it, and smiled brightly. "I need pink stuff," he told the saleswoman, the one he liked to deal with. He slapped his drawing down on the counter and leaned down. "I've got sixteen, but I don't have nearly enough pink stones to finish it off."

She looked down at it, then at him, looking a little scandalized. "Who's this for?"

"One of my best friend's mom. It's her anniversary." He grinned. "And I don't want any of those lab created pink stones either. I want to make this *special*."

She looked down at the drawing again. "I'd say it will be. Let me check what's in the back." She headed into the back room and to the Manager. "How many pink stones do we have? Mr. Harris is here with an ornate project that needs real, valuable, pink stones. It's a present for a friend's mother."

The Manager shrugged and pulled over his inventory books, flipping through. "We've got six pink diamonds. How many does he need?"

"He says he has sixteen of the stones he needs, and his drawing calls for at least fifty." He opened his mouth. "It's definitely something I'd cherish if I were the recipient."

The Manager pulled out another book and looked through it. "We have someone who has a lot of pink diamonds in their personal stash. I'll call them and see if they're willing to sell. Any particular size?"

"I think the drawings called for around a half carat. Let me go ask." She walked back to the doorway. "What size did you need, Mr. Harris?"

"Um, half carat would be great. One really distinctive piece for the front of the bottom, maybe heart shaped? All but one of the stones I have at home are pink diamonds. The other's one of those lab created ones that I'll only use as a last resort. Oh, and do you still have some of my excess metal stashed here?"

"We do," she told him. "I can pull some of that out for you. How many did you need?"

"Fifty to be safe. I really need thirty-five, but I'd rather have a few extra ones in case those don't quite fit, ya know?" She nodded and disappeared again, and Xander went window shopping through the store while he waited.

She walked back to the desk. "Fifty to be safe, half carat is good, and he needs a very distinctive piece for the center. He'd like a heart-shaped one."

The man smiled. "That we can do. Tiffany's is putting up a very unique stone in an auction. How long do we have?"

"Three weeks," Xander called. "I need to have it finished by then." He stuck his head in the office. "I looked at the Tiffany one and it was kinda okay, but I'd like something flashier. I saw one I liked but it went up at Christies last month."

"I know the one you're talking about. May I see the design?" Xander trotted in and handed it over with a grin. "Oh, my," the Manager whispered. "Will this woman appreciate it?"

Xander nodded. "Definitely. Pink is her signature color and she's very into that sort of naughtiness. Which is why I got asked to make the prezzie," he admitted happily. "We have a lot in common." He pointed at the lines of chains. "See, I'm going to use some of that really soft-feeling metal to do the chains and supports. I've found a good fabric to line the few parts that need it. Now all I need are the stones."

"I'm sure it will be a very beautiful present," the Manager said. "Why don't you go get some of your metal while I make a few calls?" The saleswoman and Xander walked out into the store and he shook his head. "That boy and his ideas. At least he'll pay for them, even if it doesn't work out." He picked up the phone and dialed the number for his contact with the pink diamonds.

***

Xander trotted into the house with Wesley right behind him, a very good bodyguard when one had a bunch of diamonds. "Go find food," he told Wesley. "I'm going to go sort these on the workroom floor." He headed back to his workroom, going to lay out the design. He already had the outfit mostly done, all he had to do was set the stones and do a few last connecting chains. He got a brilliant idea and searched through his fabric stash, coming up with the roll of silver velvet. "Yeah, that'll go," he told himself as he sat down, starting on everything. Once he had everything sorted, he sat there and stared at the mostly constructed garment. "I'm missing something," he muttered. He got up and went to dig through his collection of jewels, tossing one onto the pile of pink diamonds, it would be an unexpected addition. He came across the plastic box of rubies and pulled them out, considering the male half of the pairing. A similar idea hit him for a present for Hephaestus, more like the God of Fire.

Wesley walked in an hour later and smiled at the absolute concentration Xander was showing to his work. He had often wished he had that sort of skill and focus. He would be a much better fighter if he had shown that sort of focus in his physical studies. "Xander, may I help?" he asked quietly, not wanting to intrude.

"Yeah, pet a ferret," Xander said absently, handing the one in his lap off. "She's cranky and wants to eat one of the rubies that I'll need."

Wesley took the ferret, carefully cradling it in his arms. "You're very pretty," he told her as he started long strokes down it's back. "Shall we go check on the other animals? Make sure they've got food and the like?" The ferret squeaked and burrowed into his arms. Apparently it liked that idea so Wesley carried it into the animals' room. He quickly found himself mobbed and happily let the animals play with him.

***

Xander had just finished the wrapping on his present when Strife appeared. "Hey," he said, holding it out. He slapped the fingers trying to rip open the gold paper. "I spent two hours wrapping that. You can wait."

Strife frowned. "I don't wanna wait."

Xander grinned. "Then take the image from my mind." He leaned closer and Strife sucked in a breath. "You think she'll like it? And Hephie?"

Strife grabbed Xander and crushed the boy to his chest. "If she don't, I'm stealin' it. That's a great prezzie." He let his friend go, grinning at him. "Did ya make anything for the Bliss guy?"

"Sure did," Xander said, pulling over a smaller box. "Since he said he wants to marry this girl, I made them both heart-shaped pendants that'll grow with them. Adding a few links won't be that hard." He held out the box but Strife wasn't taking it. "Not going to deliver it?"

"You were invited," Strife reminded him lightly.

Xander looked down at himself, then at his God. "But I'm not dressed for it and the animals will be left alone!"

"Yay." Strife looked to his left as Cupid appeared. "That is one kick ass present," he told him. "Dress the anchor and let's go."

Cupid waved a hand and Xander was dressed in his favorite black velvet pants and a skin-tight black t-shirt in a shiny material. Even his shoes were changed to the sandals that made the boy moan when he walked. "Good. Let's go." He took the larger present and grabbed one of Xander's arms, letting Strife get his other side. "Close your eyes," he warned.

Xander squeezed his eyes shut and the world fell out from under him. A few heartbeats later, he was back on solid ground, and he was ready to fall over and kiss it. "That sucks," he said once he was sure he wouldn't throw up. "How do you stand it?"

"It's not a big for us," Cupid told him. "C'mon. The Bliss guy's at Hera's and I've got to drop this off for the party." He shook the present and frowned. "It rattles."

"Yup, it does," Xander said with a naughty grin. "But I'm sure she'll like it. D'Nalia did when I did the final fitting on her. I was nice, I even took out the vibrating stone because it got a bit intense." Strife stared at him. "What?" he asked innocently. "I wanted to make her something that would make her squeal, that's what Cupid asked me for."

"This I wanna see," Strife told Cupid, trying to take the present from him.

"Nope, you gotta wait if I do," Cupid told him. He led the way into the temple, smiling at Hephaestus. "Hey, present from us," he said, holding it out.

Xander looked over Cupid's shoulder. "For both of you, I got to wrap it."

Hephaestus smiled at the boy. He knew *exactly* what was in the box, and his wife was going to be thrilled. "Thanks, boys. Where's Bliss?"

"Hera's. He and Migrid went over there to play," Cupid told him. "I guess we should go pick him up."

"Give it a few, sweetie," Aphrodite suggested as she walked into the room. She squealed and ran over to give Xander a hug. "You are such a great guy," she told him. "You give a girl a rush of power like a mule's kick and you do it often enough to make it addicting." Xander blushed. "So, where're the hubbies?"

"Well, Giles was apparently taken over by Discord," Xander told her. "And Oz is still working on that diplomatic project. He won't have a break for another week." He got free of her bouncing and grinned. "I got a prezzie for Bliss because he asked for one for the wedding. Can I give it to him?"

"Sure," Aphrodite said, waving a hand. She saw the golden present and started to smile. "For us?"

"For your anniversary," Cupid told her, giving her a hug. "From us."

She took the present and flew over to a couch so she could sit with Hephie and open it. She handed over the tissue-wrapped bundle with his name on it and came to the silver velvet cloak, pulling it up. When she heard the rattle, she opened it, and her squeal echoed around the room. "Oh, so great!" she screamed, jumping up, holding the new garment.

It was silver chains, pink diamonds, and not much else. It started with a thin collar in a herringbone pattern and stones, moved down to some very delicate looking chains, which were holding up a set of cups for her breasts, again pink diamond studded. Every few inches a pink diamond was set into the chains with a flat backing, and there was a cluster of four of them just large enough to cover each nipple. Attached to that were four diamond studded chains leading down to the bottoms, which had a large pink diamond heart in the center of it. She examined it carefully, but all the chains were really soft feeling. The clasp on the back of the collar and the tri-clasp on the back of the g-string panties were both done so she could easily get into them. It was so her! She shook it some, smiling at the jingling sound.

"'Dite, there's something else in there," Hephaestus told her, holding up his own chain and ruby outfit. It was just bottoms, but around the edges were cascades of rubies made to look like the falling sparks of a fire. "This is great, Cupid." He smiled at Xander. "Excellent work. I never even knew you were making me anything." He stood up and walked his wife into the bedroom. "We'll be right back," he promised.

Xander nodded at the box. "Take her the cloak, it looks excellent together," he told Strife, nudging him to make him go. Once his friend was gone, he turned his truly naughty look on Cupid. "I put one of the vibrating stones in there... in just the right spot."

Aphrodite shrieked in the other room, and Cupid's mouth hung open. "Dude, you rock," Cupid whispered in awe.

Aphrodite walked out, making a minor adjustment to one of the free floating cups supporting her breasts, the chains holding them up were just sturdy enough to allow her to jiggle but not bounce. "Xander, you are a naughty boy," she praised, kissing him on the cheek.

"Did you see the loose stone in the bottom?" he asked. She shook her head. "Hey, Hephaestus, there's a removable jewel in the bottom of the box, it needs to be put in," he called.

Aphrodite headed back into the bedroom. Xander counted down. Aphrodite's scream of pleasure shook the temple.

Strife came back out, wiggling a finger in his ear. "Xander, you just made yourself a friend for life. How did ya know where ta put the jewel?"

"See, I had D'Nalia model it for the final fitting," Xander explained as Aphrodite came out, obviously with the vibrating stone in by the way she was walking. "She wore a leotard under it, but she helped me find the spot where the vibrating stone would do the most good." He gave the Goddess of Love his most innocent look. "That's okay, right?"

"Yeah, sweetie, that's great. Hephie even promised to take out the extra two links you left in down there in case it was in the wrong spot." She carefully walked over and gave him a kiss. "You so rock," she whispered in his ear.

"Put on the cloak and let's go," Xander prompted. "I wanna give Bliss his pendants."

"In this?" she asked.

"Hera will crap bricks," Hephaestus noted as he walked out in his own bottoms. "It fits great, kid."

Xander grinned. "Cool. And why can't you show up wearing whatever you like? You're covered. You're sparkly. This is a happy occasion." Unlike Cupid, he was pretty sure Bliss was serious about marrying Migrid.

Aphrodite grabbed her cloak, made one for her husband, and created a pair of lace-up sandals to go with her outfit, then she walked Xander out to the street, leading the way to Hera's temple at a slow stroll. "Sure, babe, we'll wander around in this. It'll cause, like, so much envy in some of the other Goddesses." She gave him a little nudge. "Why did you include a tuning fork?"

"Because that one stone vibrates differently with different stones, and with a tuning fork it's a high, fast vibration. Oh, and we found out that music will make it vibrate too."

She giggled. "I'm sure it will, sweetie, I'm sure it will." She smiled at her husband. "The same as I'm sure we'll be getting a *lot* of usage from this new outfit." She tapped politely on Hera's door, smiling at her. "My boys had Xander make me this, isn't it killer?" she asked as she walked inside the temple.

Hera stared at the jewel and chain outfit, her eyes starting to cross. "It's definitely you," she said finally. She noticed the one Hephaestus was wearing and smiled. "I see he made one for each of you." She laughed at the blush her son was showing. "It's an interesting attire." She stopped, hearing something. "Who's vibrating?"

"Oh, Xander put in a stone that vibrates when it's near other stones. Or music, or tuning forks. Or I guess anything that'll cause a vibration." She leaned a little closer. "He set it just right," she confided with a grin.

Hera simply nodded. "Excellent. Happy anniversary, Aphrodite and Hephaestus." She smiled at Xander, remembering who he was quite well. "Shall we go see Bliss? He and Migrid are sitting in my atrium."

"Cool beans," Xander said, pulling out his other present. "I made something for them."

Bliss looked up as everyone walked in, smiling at his grandmother in her sparkly new outfit. "Hi. Can we do this now?" he asked Hera. "Her mommies should be here soon. We called them. We waited real long time."

"Do what, sweetling?" Hera asked, sitting down in front of them.

"We marry each other," Bliss sighed. "We talked about this."

"Son, are you serious?" Cupid asked. Bliss nodded with his most exasperated look on his face. "Okay," he said slowly. "Hera?"

She considered the young couple. "There is a bond there already," she admitted. "Migrid, did you accept his promises?"

Migrid smiled her most charming. "Of course. We love him." She hugged Bliss, until her mother flashed into the temple. "Mommy! Just in time to see me married!"

"Excuse me?" Grethen said, looking down at her daughter. "Married? As in for real?" She looked at Hera, who shrugged. The Goddess of Grief sighed and tipped her head back. "Artten, I need you!" she yelled. "And my mother!"

Artten, the Goddess of Godly Combat and War, flashed in a few moments later, followed by an older woman in teal breastcups and a gold two-panel skirt. "What's going on now?" Artten asked, looking at the gathered Gods and Goddesses. She looked at her daughter. "Were you naughty?"

Migrid laughed. "No, Momma. I married!"

Hera looked at the older Goddess. "I assume you're that pantheon's Goddess of Marriage?" The older woman nodded. "Is this typical in your pantheon?"

"No. Yours?" Hera shook her head. "Then we'll examine this bond together." They looked at the children, taking the one that wasn't theirs to look at. Both Goddesses looked at each other and sighed. "It's partially done," the other Goddess announced.

"Goddess Metchan, may I present you with a gift for the couple?" Xander asked, holding it out. "I made it for them because Bliss has been saying he was going to marry Migrid for the last few months."

She accepted the gift, as was standard in her pantheon, and scanned it. "I will give it to them," Metchan agreed. "It is most fitting for children their age." She smiled down at them. "In our family, there's many customs. Are you willing to learn them, Bliss?" He nodded, smiling up at her. "And will you teach Migrid yours?"

"We will," Aphrodite assured her. "Are we going to finalize it?"

"It's already there, they just lack the formal ceremony," Hera told her. She frowned when her daughter-in-law shifted and the vibrating increased. "Shouldn't you change?" she suggested.

Artten looked at the outfit. "Are the chains smooth?"

"Like silk," Aphrodite said, moving closer. "Feel?" She smiled at Hera as the chains from the collar were touched by a callused finger. "That one stone *is* removable," she admitted. "Hephie, would you please take it out for me?"

"Sure." He moved closer, wrapping their cloaks around them so he could do it with some privacy. He smiled at the Goddesses as he came out with the stone, holding it out to his wife. "Cross your legs," he advised gently. He tucked the precious stone into his own outfit, then quickly removed it when it started to vibrate for him.

"There's a pocket on the inside of the cloak," Xander suggested. He smiled when Hephaestus looked at him. "I anticipated her wanting to carry it around so she could liven up boring meetings."

Aphrodite snickered as she dropped the jewel into the pocket she found up near her left breast. "Thank you, Xander. That was very thoughtful of you." She smiled sadly at the children. "How will we arrange for living quarters?"

"They'll stay with us part of the time," Cupid told her, looking at Artten. "I trust you to look after my son when he's up there."

"We trust you to look after our daughter when she's down here," Grethen agreed. She looked at Hera, then her mother. "Shall we finish this?"

"Hey, they'll be the bridge when your people come down here," Strife said.

Hera smiled. "Very true. Metchan? I know nothing of your customs."

Metchan moved in front of the two children. "Bliss, do you believe you will love my granddaughter to the best of your abilities?" He nodded. "Out loud, please."

"I love her and I'll try to keep loving her," Bliss replied seriously. "To my wife, I will follow and heed all her customs. From the family giving us the presents and opening them for us, to allowing them to be nosy and pop in all the time."

Migrid looked at her grandmother. "I'll do my best to love him, Grandma, and we'll try to be happy together." She smiled at Bliss. "I'll even try to learn about his ways, like how they open presents themselves and do a lot more for themselves than we do."

Metchan looked at Hera. "That's all we demand, though we do have a time limit that demands them to renew their vows periodically."

Hera looked a little startled, she'd never thought of that. It was a very interesting idea, and one that might solve many of the modern problems the mortals were having. "Really? How long?"

"The first term of marriage is a year. If they don't renew their vows, then the marriage is annulled. After that, they can petition for it to be permanent or for one, five, ten, or twenty years. How do you do it?"

"Our godly vows are usually binding until death separates them, or they petition me to personally annul it." She smiled. "Though, your way makes more sense." She smiled at the children. "We will follow Migrid's way of dealing with marriage. You will have a year to see if this marriage suits you and then you may renew it with us in a more permanent fashion." She clapped her hands and a small chalice appeared. "Sip only," she warned, holding it so Migrid could sip it. "With this ambrosia, I gift you with the powers of this pantheon as well as your own."

Artten created a small grape-looking thing and held it out to Bliss. "Eat this and join us as your wife joins you." Bliss slurped it out of her fingers and munched happily, smiling at her. "Good boy." She sighed as she looked at Cupid. "Did you want them first or us?"

"I think we should take them first," Hera suggested. "If they're going to be a bridge, they should be able to help us deal with the formal setup of the embassy down here."

Xander cleared his throat. "If I may? What about Meseir? Could he travel with them and act as a chaperone?"

"Who is Meseir?" Hera asked.

"Our God of Protection," Grethen said, smiling at Xander. "A very wise idea. He would be impartial."

"He's a doggie," Migrid told Hera. "He bites the bad guys for us and they run away screaming. He's nice though, he plays and loves everybody!"

Hera smiled down at the children. "I think that would be an excellent idea then. It would ease the worry of both sets of parents. I'll set Ares to teach the Hounds of War to watch over them also while they're here."

Artten smiled. "I'm rather surprised he isn't here."

Hera chuckled. "We thought the children were joking."

"Ah." Artten took her wife's hand and lifted her head up. "All Gods aligned to us, hear us. Our daughter Migrid has made a marriage of alliance with Bliss, son of Cupid, of the Sol's Greek pantheon. All will hark to this union and accept it as we do!"

Hera cleared her throat. "Gods and Goddesses of Olympus, hear me. Bliss has been joined in marriage to Migrid, Goddess of ...."

Grethen smiled sadly. "We don't know. All our other Gods were known at birth, but her affinity has never shown up."

"Goddess of our new allies," Hera finished. "This trial marriage will act as a bonding to our two pantheons and *ALL* will respect and honor it!"

Zeus flashed into the room. "Don't you think he's a little young for that?" he asked, seeming to be kind. He couldn't be sure if Hera was in one of her moods or not. He smiled at Migrid. "I'm sure you're a very nice Goddess, but...."

Bliss pulled his wife behind him and glared at his great-grandfather. "Mine!" he shouted. "You no take!"

Zeus looked at Hera, who shrugged. "They did it on their own," Hera told him calmly.

"I see." Zeus nodded, then he noticed the strangers. "And you are?"

"I am Grethen, Migrid's mother."

"I am Artten, I bore Migrid and am her other mother."

"I see." Zeus found the lone mortal and frowned at him. "Don't we not like you?"

"No, some of us like him," Aphrodite told him. "He's an anchor, he's supposed to stand up to you." She ran a hand over her new outfit. "He's cherished by mine and Ares' Houses."

"That's nice," Zeus said, still frowning at Xander. "And what is your part in this?"

"He's one of the diplomats that introduced us ta that pantheon," Strife told him. "Unc!"

Ares appeared, running a hand through his sweaty hair. "What? I was in sword practice with Jace." He looked down at Bliss, then at his mother. "I heard. What did you need?"

"We'd like for your hounds to give them some extra protection, Ares," Hera said lightly. "They're sending a protector with Migrid, but I thought it'd be nice to add to it as they're so young."

Ares shrugged. "Okay. I've got a few new ones in training. It'll be good practice to guard and hunt them down." He looked at Zeus, then around the room, nodding at Artten. He finally stopped at Aphrodite, Hephaestus, Cupid, Strife, and Xander. His mouth opened a few times, then he licked his lips. "Your doing?" he asked Xander, pointing at the unusual outfits. Xander nodded, beaming happily. He licked his lips again. "Good work. I'll come see you later about making something for Jace." He looked at Aphrodite's outfit again. "Nothing that...ornate, but something nice." He shook his head and looked at the children again. "Want to hold the reception at my temple?"

Bliss grinned at him. "Sure! You make good ice cream!" He bounced, hugging his wife to him. "We go with you?"

"Sure. Let me warn Jace." Ares looked toward his temple as a scream floated out, then shrugged. "She's in the shower. Come on, I'll take you two personally so the bigger Gods can talk." He held out a hand and both children took them, then they disappeared.

Hera smiled at the foreign Goddesses. "Please, come celebrate with us. Any little details can be worked out there." She took Zeus's hand and disappeared. They didn't have to worry about word of the party spreading, any party was nearly instantly known about on Olympus and everyone would show up soon enough.

Strife grinned at Xander. "You wanna stay?"

"No, I wanna go home and be with my furries and wait on my Oz," Xander told him, giving him a hug. "Thanks for letting me make the present."

Strife blew a kiss. "Dude, we couldn't have picked a better person with an arrow." He sent Xander back home, letting him land on his bed.

Cupid grinned at Strife. "I bet you're getting a power boost," he accused in a teasing manner.

"Who, me?" Strife asked, then he disappeared.

Aphrodite took her husband's arm and sent them both to Ares' temple just the way they were. The other Goddesses were gonna be *green*!

A few minutes later, Discord's voice floated out on the air. "Damn, girl! I want one of those!"

Strife yelled, "It's a Xander creation. Just wait until you see the removable jewel."

"Well, shit! He hates me, I'll never get one of those." The sound of happy vibrations and a trilling scale of happy squeals. "I want one!" Eris complained.

Visiting the Buddies.

Methos finished helping Queen Nethisha into her human-style dress, considering how the fabric laid over her own breast cups. "It looks good enough." He handed her a jacket, a hat, and a pair of sunglasses. "There you are, it should be fine, even if home is a bit bright for you." He walked her out of his and Ray's room, letting Sam get a look first.

"Looking good," Sam told her, holding out a hand. "Come on, let's get you onto the base. General Hammond will need to approve your visit to Earth." She smiled at Methos. "Thanks for the help. I have no desire to keep up with current fashion."

"We only do it ta help Xander," Ray noted from Oz's room. He followed his mate down the stairs. "Want our help sneakin' her onto the base?" he asked Sam at the front door.

She shook her head. "I think he's expecting this." She let the Queen get onto the cart taking them to the portal first, following her security guard. "We'll be back in a few days, maybe with the Xander." She waved as they took off.

***

General Hammond looked up as someone tapped on his door. "Come!" he called, closing the file he was working on. The woman standing in the doorway was unfamiliar to him, but she looked like someone.... Sam walked in, leading the woman inside. "Captain?" he asked.

"Sir, Queen Nethisha would like permission to go talk to Xander. She thinks she can make him feel better and make him come back." She helped Nethisha into a chair. "You don't have to wear the glasses in here," she told her. "That's sun protection for when you go outside."

The General looked at his subordinate, almost in shock. "She wants to do what?"

Nethisha took off the sunglasses and looked at the General. "I think I can solve some of the problems he had when he left," she explained quietly. "He was feeling very....upset?" Sam nodded at the word choice. "Upset about what some of our people were thinking in regards to him and his training." The General nodded, he knew exactly why Xander had left early. "It's been very lonely up there without him. The diplomats aren't nearly as effective, or as efficient, as he was when he was up there with them. We'd like him back."

The General leaned back and considered the situation.

"Sir," Sam said before he could say anything. "You did say that we were going to bring Siblinth over to check out our atmosphere. Nethisha herself can do that, and she's brought one of her bodyguards with her, she's waiting out in the hall. We know where Xander is."

He nodded. "I have the local base watching over him. He's in Sunnydale. He left for about a day, but he's back home now." He looked at Nethisha. "You do know that if you have problems, it could wreck this whole process?"

She smiled. "I know. I also know quite a lot about your world. I know how overcrowded it is. I know how pollution is killing many of your people. I even know that someone with more sensitive mental skills would find your world uncomfortable." She leaned forward. "Consider this a trip to make sure that our physiology is compatible with your atmosphere. I'd even consider a more formal meeting if it'd make you feel better."

The General waved a hand. "Not my area. I'm going to have to call and ask for permission though. It'll take a few minutes."

"May I take her and her guard down to the commissary?" Sam asked.

"Dismissed," the General said, starting to smile. He looked at the Queen. "I'd probably be doing the same thing after nearly two years with Xander," he told her. She laughed as she walked out and he grabbed his special red phone. "This is General Hammond, I have a report to make," he announced when it was answered on the other end. "Yes, sir," he said with a smile. "Yes, sir, just as you expected, but it's Queen Nethisha herself, sir. Yes, sir, he's in Sunnydale. Yes, in California, sir. With a bodyguard." He laughed. "Yes, sir, she even offered to make this a semi- official visit if you wanted." He sighed. "Yes, sir. I'll call someone from over there to escort her. No, sir, she's here right now. I was going to send Captain Carter with her. Yes, sir. I can do that. I'll call ahead to the base there and have them ready for a tour from your Chief of Staff." He hung up and groaned. This could get very bad if something happened. He pushed a button on his phone. "Get Captain Carter and her guests up here as soon as they're done eating," he ordered his secretary. "They've been approved." He let the button go and tapped his fingers. He really wanted more guards for her than just Captain Carter, not that she couldn't defend both women very well, but it was just too much to chance. He pushed the button again. "Get Oz or Adam back over here to go with them." He let it go and leaned back to relax for a few minutes. "This could either go very well or very bad," he told himself. "Better safe than sorry." He flipped open the folder and got back to work.

***

Xander opened the door, frowning at the woman standing there. "Nethisha?" he asked.

She pulled him into her arms and gave him a hug. "We missed you."

He got free and let her, Sam, and their guards into the house. "Want something to drink?"

"Do you have any of that beer stuff?" Nethisha asked. "I found it quite enjoyable on the plane."

"Yeah, I think so. Sam?"

"Water?"

"Yeah, got that too." He headed into the kitchen, coming back a few minutes later with tray of drinks for everyone. "Tea?" he suggested to the guards. "It's sweetened." He still looked confused. "Why did you come here?"

"Because you weren't at the dinner last night and I didn't have time to tell you about my second grandchild." She smiled at him. "We missed you, silly."

Xander grinned. "I miss you guys too." He was pulled up by her guard and sat next to her instead of across from her. "Thanks," he squeaked as the Queen snuggled into his side. "But what about ...."

"They've figured out that life is much more boring without you there. And Oz is miserable," she added as his confused look started to return. "Silly boy," she chided gently, kissing him on the cheek. "We all missed you. Even the diplomats have forgotten how to have fun." When he still looked confused, she sighed. "Xander, will you please come back?"

He nodded. "If I'm allowed."

"You're allowed," Sam said before sipping her water. "Everyone wants you back. You seemed to create a balance for the more serious discussions."

He nodded again. "Okay, but it'll take me a few days to pack everything up. I mean the animals and everything."

Sam snorted. "Have one of the housekeepers come take care of them for the next month or so. Oz said that you're almost done." Xander looked at her. "They can take care of them, right?" He nodded, starting to look dumbstruck. "So let one of them come take care of the animals. You'll be back in a month for a break."

The military guard shrieked and moved away from the ferret trying to crawl up him. "You've got big damn rats! New York sewer rats!" he yelled in a strong Southern accent.

"It's a ferret," Xander said dryly. "They only bite when you scare them." He put a hand down and sucked through his teeth, making a whistling noise. The ferret came running over for head scratches. "They're not rats, they're possum and skunk cousins," he educated. "They're mostly friendly. They even like to cuddle." He pulled the ferret up and let Nethisha pet her. "This one is Marykins, named by one of the boys."

"Boys?" the guard asked, starting to calm down.

"One of my housekeepers has a set of twin boys. They named this whole set of babies." He handed Nethisha the ferret. "I have dogs and cats too if you'd like to go look at them." The guard shook his head. "Okay, but fair warning, they're all cuddly and you're in the direct sunlight." He looked at his buddy again. "I can call Henri now, but she won't get here for another two days."

"That's fine," Sam told him. "We're staying on base tonight." He gave her a dirty look. "She's got a meeting tomorrow and it's more secure."

"She's staying here tonight," Xander said, starting to pout. "I've got a wonderful set of guest rooms, as you know, and it's all but impossible to find the road up here. She can go to the base tomorrow." He stood up. "Let me go get the rooms ready. I'll go get dinner tonight."

"You take care of this house by yourself?" the Queen's guard asked.

"Not usually," he said with a grin. "Our housekeepers are at the other houses." He stood up. "Wait here, or go out by the pool. The pollution problems are almost gone." He hurried up the stairs to make sure the guest rooms were ready for habitation. This was so important, he didn't want to mess this up. Oz would never let him live it down if he screwed this up. He patted a wrinkle on a bedspread down nervously, wondering where they were going to get dinner from. He picked up the phone and dialed Spike and Seth, they never cooked, but Seth liked to eat mortal food. "Where do you order from?" he asked when it was answered. The connection was hung up. So he tried again. "Get my brother Seth on the phone now," he ordered. He looked up as the military guard walked in. "Hold on, trying to find a good restaurant." He smiled. "Seth, where do you order from? And that minion was really not nice, he hung up on me." He laughed. "Good food? Like human food?" He nodded and grabbed the pad beside the phone, writing down the information. "Any suggestions? No, you can't come up. Because I can't let you. Because I'm going to get into trouble if you do," he sighed. "Trust me, you'll know *all* about it in a year." He wrote something else. "Thanks, bro." He hung up. "I haven't been back long enough to know where to order from," he explained. He stood up and smoothed out the bed again, and the paper went into his pocket. "This is usually Sam's room when she's here. You can have the one next door. Nethisha can have the one at the other end of the hall, it's really nice and connects with the other room through the bathroom." He walked away.

"Sir, I don't think that ordering out is that good of an idea."

Xander smiled at him. "I can't cook," he admitted. "The last meal I tried to cook turned ribs into jerky." The soldier winced. "So we're ordering out. I'll let you go get it if it makes you feel better though." He headed to the other end of the hall to check on those rooms. He ran into Sam on the stairs. "Your room's ready. Put Nethisha in the guest suite at the other end." He hugged her. "I'm going to get you for dropping in like this," he whispered in her ear. Then he trotted down the stairs to go talk with his other guests. He found Nethisha near the pool, looking suspiciously at the water. "We swim in it," he told her. She gave him a disbelieving look. "Really." He stripped down to his thong and climbed into the shallow end, holding out his hands. "Come on, I'll show you if you want."

She sat down on the edge, smiling when he took off her shoes. "You don't wear those?"

"Not to swim. It makes it really difficult. That's an advanced skill." He tossed the shoes aside and nodded at the guard. "You can come in too if you want, just to make sure she's safe." The guard took off her shoes too. "Strip down some more, too many clothes can make you drown." The guard got down to her breast cups and underwear before climbing in. She stood beside Xander, mimicking his position.

Nethisha stood up and stripped down too, then sat back down and let the two people she trusted help her into the water. She squealed as it rushed over her body, but calmed down when she realized she could stand up too. She shrieked as Xander tipped her back. "What are you doing?"

"Showing you how to float, it's a basic skill in swimming." He grinned at her. "I'm not going to let you go. Your guard's right here too." He braced her better as she relaxed. "Just float. It's very comforting."

"Xander!" Sam yelled from upstairs, the window opening and her head coming out. "What are you doing?"

"She wanted to know what the pool was for," he called back. "She's safe. I was a certified lifeguard." He turned his attention back to the woman in his arms, who was smiling with her eyes closed. "This is called floating," he explained. "Later we can work on actual swimming." She opened her eyes to look at him. "Swimming is an intentional moving through water in a direction. Floating is laying there and going wherever the water's current takes you."

"Oh." She shifted and he helped her stand up. "Do all humans know how to do this?"

Xander shook his head. "Nope. Not everyone lives near water, but I'd say at least three-quarters of us do."

"Probably closer to half," the soldier said as he walked out. "Sir, may we please get her out of the pool? We don't know how the local water will act on her system."

Xander handed Nethisha out, letting her guard get out ahead of him. "It should be fine. Sunnydale had an air pollution problem, but the water's pretty clean." He walked over to the cabinet between the chairs, pulling out towels for them all. "Can you show them to their rooms? I'm going to call for dinner."

"Nothing too spicy, sir."

Xander grinned. "I was going to get a good selection and let them pick through it. Nibbling is better in situations like this, that's what they did for us." He headed into the house.

Nethisha's guard looked at her Queen. "Do you feel all right?" she asked.

Nethisha smiled brightly. "I feel wonderful. That was a most stimulating feeling, almost like being weightless." She wrapped the towel around herself and followed the soldier into the house. "Do our rooms have a bathing chamber?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied. "You're going to be sharing one with your guard. That way she can come to you if you need her."

"I usually sleep on the foot of her bed," the guard told him.

"Our beds are probably shorter than yours," he told her. "I'll show you." He let them into Nethisha's room, opening the bathroom door for them. "This is the bathing chamber, ma'am. Through the other door is your guard's room if she wants her own." The woman opened the door hiding the toilet and looked at him. "Not that one." He slid open the door to the other room, smiling when she walked in. "Xander should be back soon. Can I show you how to operate anything?"

"I've got it," Sam called as she walked in. She walked into the bathroom and smiled at him. "Don't worry about it." He gave her a small, grateful smile and left the women alone. "Okay, so, separate rooms or not?" she asked.

The guard smiled at her. "I think we can figure things out." She pointed at the door for the toilet. "Waste reclamation?"

"Waste, yes, reclamation, no. We have special processing plants for that stuff." She pointed at the shower. "This is to get clean, or to wash off the pool water." She pointed at one. "That one's cold, the other's hot. The little pull knob turns it from a bath into a shower and the lower pull knob blocks the drain." She stood back up. "Unfortunately, ours don't move the way yours do," she explained.

Nethisha smiled at her. "That's all right. We've actually been places where our bath was in a smaller container."

"With a sponge," the guard agreed.

Sam chuckled. "Oh, I've been there too. But this is much nicer." She bowed. "I'm down the hall if you need anything. I dropped your extra clothes on your bed, Nethisha." She backed out and walked away.

"They make things seem so complicated," Nethisha sighed.

"Well, she did have a point. We wouldn't have wanted to blunder into things we didn't understand," the guard told her. "You never know, some aliens might not have waste functions like we do." She checked around the bathroom, opening the drawers to find the stocked supplies. "I wonder what these are?" she asked, pulling out a little foil square. "Condom?" she read.

"Ah, a human method of birth control. I had wondered." She snatched it and opened the foil, after some struggle. She held it out, watching as it was unrolled. "How do they use that?"

The soldier tapped on the main room's door. "Ma'am, dinner is in about an hour if you wanted a nap," he called.

"Can you please come explain this to us?" Nethisha called. He walked in and grimaced when he saw what she was holding. "It was explained to us that this was a method of birth control, but how do you use it?" He blushed a bright red. "Should we ask Sam? Or Xander?"

"What?" Xander called, walking in. "Oh, a condom." He leaned in and whispered in her ear. She looked enlightened and nodded. "That's how you use those. We have a female version too, but it's harder to use and I don't understand that one at all. You'd have to ask Sam." He patted the soldier on the back. "Don't worry, man, I wrote porn for a living for a while." He smiled at Nethisha. "You've got about an hour before he can go pick up dinner if you want to nap or bathe. I'll be downstairs if you want me, with the animals." He bowed. "Did you need anything else explained to you?" She shook her head. "Coolness. Later." He walked out, dragging the soldier with him.

"Thank you," the soldier said hoarsely. "I don't think I could have explained that. I didn't listen very well when I learned as a young man."

"For many guys, it's almost instinctive," Xander reminded him. "Sorta like how you can't explain how to pick up a glass." He shrugged at the confused look the soldier had on his face. "You might not want to go into my writing room. It's got some very...pornographic images in it." He walked away. "I'm going to clean litterboxes."

The soldier looked after him. This was their favorite diplomat?

***

Nethisha leaned over and picked some of the beef off Sam's plate to taste it. "That's interesting," she said as she grabbed her glass of wine to drink some. She winced. "That didn't taste that good together."

Sam grinned. "I know. Xander's spoiling me by giving me this. He knows it'll ruin my figure." She held up her glass of tea. "This goes much better with what I'm eating. The wine probably was chosen to go with the rest of the meal."

Xander nodded, his mouth was full. "Definitely," he said once his mouth was clear. "I picked it just for our stuff, though I think beer goes better with that jerked beef." He wrapped a noodle around his fork. "Eat, guys, I'm not going to have leftovers." He ate the noodle.

Nethisha leaned back on the couch, eating more of the assorted foods on her plate. "Is this common fare?"

The soldier snickered. "No, ma'am, but we didn't want to pollute you with fast food."

Xander glared at him. "No, it's not usual, but neither is fast food. We'll do the more usual stuff tomorrow." He smiled at her. "Before your meeting, we'll let you pick what you want to taste. We have *some* groceries in the house and I can almost bet Sam can probably cook something." Sam raised an eyebrow. "I can't cook," he reminded her. "You banned me from the kitchen in the off-world home." She nodded. "So, you get cooking duties tomorrow."

"Sir, I could probably do some of it," the soldier suggested. "My mother's an excellent cook and she made all us kids learn because otherwise we'd starve once we were on our own."

Xander smiled at him. "Okay. Have fun. We have a fully-stocked kitchen with everything you should need, unless you need something in the food department. There's not much in there."

"What's this pizza stuff Oz was talking about the other day?" Nethisha's guard asked. "He made it sound quite good."

Xander nodded. "It is. We've got one frozen in the freezer. It's not as good as the ones Oz likes, but it's decent enough. I'll bake it for a snack." He pointed at the fettuccine alfredo. "Want more of that?" Nobody said anything so he took some more, leaving about a serving. "So, who's coming tomorrow?"

"Someone in the Chief of Staff's office," Sam told him. The soldier looked at him. "He helped escort the President around when he visited Nethisha's people," she told him. "He's got the security clearance to know."

"Is it that older grumpy man or the younger one?" Nethisha asked. "I quite liked talking to both of them."

"We're not sure yet. There's a problem with the schedules so they're sending whichever one can get free," Sam explained. She yawned. "I think I'm going to go to bed early," she announced. She tucked her jerked beef back into the container and got up to put it into the fridge. "Yell if you need anything," she told them as she started up the stairs.

Xander smiled at Nethisha. "Did you need anything for your room?"

"Just a little help with the lighting devices. They don't seem to work the same way." She scraped her plate. "Remind me that I want to bring some of our own food down when we come. There's some things we could add to the native diet that might be of some pleasure."

"Those little bland things would be nice," Xander told her. "They're good for everybody."

"Good point," Nethisha's guard agreed, smiling at him. "Maybe we'll host a feast or something once we're all settled in."

"That's not such a bad idea," Xander said thoughtfully. "It might solve a lot of worries if they see you're like the people they're used to." He shrugged off his thoughts. "We'll deal with it when it's time." He stood up. "Not to be a bad host, but I'm tired too. I'll see you in the morning." He walked away, heading up to his room.

Nethisha smiled at her guards. "I think this will be a most profitable and exciting excursion."

"Probably," her bodyguard agreed. She took the rest of the alfredo dish for herself. It was quite good, if a bit rich.

***

Xander smiled as he opened the door for the Deputy Chief of Staff. "Hi," he said, allowing him into the house. "Good trip?"

"Long trip," he corrected. "I had to fly commercial." Josh looked around the house. "This is nice."

"Thank you. It's been a great place to live." He waved toward the living room. "Nethisha's not up yet. Apparently they came over just as their sleep cycles were about to hit."

"So, most of the day?" he guessed.

"Probably," Xander agreed. "Can I help you with their official premiere? I've got a few contacts and can plan things really well."

Josh shrugged and pulled out the folder with all the plans. "We have them landing in New York one night, about dark, and asking for certain people to come talk to them."

"Make it the police chief or whomever first," Xander suggested. "Let him calm some fears. They've got to know something's going to happen."

Josh nodded and made a note. "We hadn't thought about that. It would help control the panic." He read over the plans. "Have them send for an official?" Xander nodded. "That's good. Then maybe have him announce that they'd like to open official diplomatic missions?" Xander nodded again. "That's good. Of course, the Mayor of New York would want to get in on it."

"And he probably will, but have him do it in the morning, with the President." He looked at a nearby calendar. "Won't we have another one by then?"

"Yes, and President Bartlet's going to be there, but he's also going to be briefing this new one about the upcoming event." He smiled. "We've met with both possible candidate's camps and explained that there's things that the President will have to tell them before they take office. They agreed, though they probably think it's something more minor." He shrugged. "They'll find out."

"Can you have Hammond in the group of military personnel?" Xander asked. "She knows him, it'll calm her people down if he's there."

"We'll have to have a few military liaisons," Josh agreed. "We can sneak him in as an assistant to one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They'd probably agree readily, especially once they found out what was going on."

"He's going to be briefing for *days*," Xander noted with a grin.

"Yes, he will," Josh sighed. "We'll all have to talk to him. I'll have to brief the new Chief of Staff and his deputy about this if the President doesn't." He put down the folder. "Then we're stumped. We don't know what happens next."

"A picnic," Xander suggested. Josh opened his mouth. "No, listen. This way, people can get a good look at them, watch them eat and everything, and nothing that's said can be totally private. A picnic in the middle of the park with the world leaders and the press."

"Or a dinner," Josh agreed. "But that would take some doing."

"Not if you do it as a picnic, then you could get *someone* to make the food. You could even brief them the night before. Oh, they have a problem with some of the berries and citrus fruit. And peanuts, but not peanut oil. The nuts make them high."

"Good to know," Josh said with a smile. "Then what would you do?"

"The usual speeches?"

"We counted on them."

"After the picnic. This way everyone would be clear about what was said and the press could go over their tapes of the event and get lip readers to work on it. Oh, Nethisha and her daughter both still have to struggle for the right word on occasion. That might want to be taken into account."

"But they both speak English?"

"Almost everybody we've run into speaks some," Xander told him. "But I would definitely put an open, food, meet-and-greet event before the speeches. That way the politicians would have something to say," he noted dryly."Is there going to be a new Mayor of New York?" Josh shook his head. "You might want to warn him about time issues then. He was on the news last night for over half an hour and all he said was ‘we'll be the world's most popular city again, the tourists will come back.'" Josh laughed. "Maybe a speech writer for him?"

"Maybe," Josh agreed.

"Okay, then we have to narrow it down to the guest list."

"The new Prez and his staff. Our Prez and my boss are going. I might be there. Our communications person is going because she's got the clout in the news outlets." He looked up.

"That leaves military people, New York people, and press." Xander leaned back, getting comfortable. "Can you pick who to bring? Maybe warn them not to freak and say stupid stuff?"

"We can try," Josh agreed. "Most of the military leaders won't be diplomatic though."

"Then we'll set them with the military liaison so they can be paranoid together," Xander said dryly. Josh snickered again. "The New York Mayor, your boss, both Prez's, and the higher people sitting around Nethisha and her group. I still say something like a picnic. Otherwise you'll get people who'll claim that they're being mind controlled."

"That's true," Josh sighed. "Out in the open would be better. What if it rains?"

"They've got force fields and we've got tents. It should be okay. Have you picked a landing spot?"

"Central Park."

"Make it a clearer area, or put one of the clearings near there. Somewhere innocent but that will allow only a *certain* amount of people into the area."

"We've figured out here," Josh said as he pulled out a map. "There's a clearing on the other side of a line of trees that's just about as large. It's not near the water so the environmentalists can't complain."

Xander stared at the map, then nodded. "It'll also allow you to limit the number of people around the ship itself. Who are you letting know before hand?" Josh tried to look clueless. "Oh, please. Someone has to get there first."

"We're thinking NBC because our Communications Director likes them. If not, maybe a CNN affiliate."

"NBC is good. Which brings up another point. I have a small contact with the Leno show." Josh's mouth fell open. "It would allay fears. Nothing harmful would ever go on the interview circuit. Have her do Walters the same morning?"

"I like that," Josh agreed. "I'd have to get permission."

"Hey, my phones and email both work. Oh, need anything from the kitchen? I need to talk to my editor today and I usually do that in the kitchen so I have something to do while we talk."

"No, thanks. Which way to the office?"

"This hallway to the left," Xander said, pointing at the hallway. "The second room with all the books." He stood up in one fluid motion. "If you say it's okay, I'll get Leno tonight." He headed for the kitchen, going to make himself some nibbles while he talked to his editor about the latest book.

Josh headed for the office, peering into the rooms. One of them made him blush, and one of them was filled with animals begging for attention, but they were all nice. A few of the puppies followed him into the office, helping him call the White House.

***

Xander leaned on the kitchen counter. "Really, it's Xander Harris. Yeah, he'll know," he sighed. "Just put it through." He tapped his fingers, waiting while they got Jay. "Hey," he said happily. "How would you like the biggest exclusive of your life?" He laughed. "No, I'm not coming out as straight. I'm talking really big. Like national level big." He smiled. "Thought so. Because I hate that other guy and it's important that we show that this person is harmless. No, Jay, it's not some sort of animal/person hybrid." He looked at Josh, who shrugged. "I'm not on speaker, right?" The phone clicked in his ear. "Have you read my newest ones?" He grinned. "Thanks. How would you like to talk to someone about them?" He laughed, putting the call on speaker. "Really, Jay, honestly."

"You're joking, right?"

"Not joking. Just save a day sometime in the week after October eight. One whole show saved. You'll want it open."

"Xander, this is really risky."

"Hey, you could always do a backup show. We know you have at least one set of complete interviews that were never used," Xander reminded him. "Put me on there if you want."

"I've been meaning to write and ask. As retold by you?"

Xander snorted. "I can't claim to have written them, Jay. I just wrote them down in English."

"That's for real?" Jay breathed. "No way. This is some elaborate joke."

"It's not," Josh said quietly, coming closer. "Mr. Leno, this is...."

"Josh Lyman, Deputy Chief of Staff," Jay finished. "I've heard you speak before. This is for real? Like really real?"

"Definitely real," Xander agreed. "And they're very harmless. And kinda funny sometimes, but really nice. We'd like for you to start them off because you're so good at interviewing people who haven't had that experience before."

"We're planning on having one before you, but not in your market," Josh added.

"Barbra gets them first?" Jay asked. The sound of flesh hitting flesh. "Of course she would. They're women-run." Tapping fingers. "They'll agree to come on?"

"It's a wonderful thing," Xander agreed. "I know the Queen. I think she'd enjoy it. She's always looking for really fun and exciting experiences. We might even be able to get them to bring one of the cats."

"*Telepathic* cats?" Jay asked, sounding shocked. "Will it transmit?"

"Probably not," Xander admitted. "But they're very impressive. About the size of a mountain lion. Pure black with one exception."

"Leave the animals. And you're coming too," Jay said firmly.

"Cool with me," Xander agreed. "I plan on being around for a lot of it. Oh, and if you have doubts after the eighth, come see me." He hung up. "So?" he asked Josh.

"We can't openly show you," he warned.

"I'm going to be listed as part of the human people's welcoming crew. I've already arranged that part with your Prez." His grin got brighter. "Have sunglasses there. Nethisha's very sun sensitive. Oh, they're allergic to coconuts too. It's a hive sort of allergy, even when eaten."

"Good to know," Josh said, making notes in his file. "Well, we've got everything planned. How much longer do we have?"

"Six months, our time, to get everything done. Can you convince Barbara Walters to free up a space?"

"I think she'll come to us," Josh said knowingly. "I can call her though."

"My phone is yours to use," Xander said, moving away from it and heading for the fridge. "We've got tea if you want some."

"No thanks."

"Human tea, not off-world."

Josh smiled at him. "I'm fine. I drank a lot of water on the way over and I just had lunch." He called CJ Craig, their Communications Director. "Hey, it's me. We've got everything set up, including a spot on Leno a week after they're back. Can you get Walters for us for that same day?" He laughed and put her on speaker phone. "Seriously. How harmful can she be if she's on Leno?"

"It was my idea," Xander called.

"Who's that?"

"Xander Harris," Josh told her. "Nethisha's sleeping. It's their sleep cycle right now."

"That's right, it's three of our days to one of theirs."

"And about two and a half hours," Xander added. "But they'll probably sleep one day out of every three." He carried over a plate. "Josh thought that Barbara Walters would kill for her chance."

"She would," CJ agreed. "What do we tell her though?"

"Tell her to save a day about a week after the eighth," Xander suggested. "That there's an exclusive interview, followed by Leno, with the world's biggest story. But you can't brief her until the eighth."

"I could do an interview now," Nethisha suggested as she walked down the stairs. "Xander, your beds are very soft." She kissed him on the cheek. "It was very different."

"Did you sleep all right?" he asked, looking her over. He motioned her over and helped her button the shirt correctly. "I always start at the bottom," he suggested quietly. "And we don't want you to do one yet. Wait until you're officially here."

She nodded. "That makes sense. But I really could do with something more to do while I wait on you."

Xander kissed her on the cheek. "It's up to you, Josh," he said as he handed her his tea. "Did the animals bother you?"

"No, they were quite nice. Almost as nice as sleeping with the cubs." She looked at Josh. "Is everything set for us to come down?"

"Nearly. We've got a full set of plans, if you like them then they'll be set."

"Wait, I need to know," CJ reminded him. "What did you plan?" A door slammed on her end. "We're alone now. Go ahead."

"We planned on the space already. Xander suggested that the first official meeting take place outside so no one could be accused of brain manipulations."

"Eww," Nethisha put in. "We'd never do that."

"Yes, but humans can be paranoid assholes," Xander reminded her. She smiled and patted the side of his face. "This way there can't be any major difficulties for you from people like that."

"Hold on," CJ told them. "Let me go get Leo into this." She put them on hold and the music started.

A few minutes later, someone picked up. "Hello?"

"We're on hold for CJ," Josh told her. "Official business."

"Thank you, sir. Just checking." She put them back on hold.

A minute after that, a gruff voice came on the other end. "That was fast work, Josh. What did you plan?"

"Well," Xander said, grinning at Josh. "How about a diplomatic picnic?"

"It was suggested that there are paranoid assholes on this planet by an inhabitant and rightly pointed out that it would relieve some accusations."

"Good point. Can we do that?" Leo asked.

"It'd probably be better," CJ put in. "We could wait to brief a chef."

"We'd like to bring down some of our own foods," Nethisha put in. "For our first official banquet or whatever?"

"That would be great for the second or third day," Leo said, his voice turning away from the speaker. "CJ?"

"Third day. Have them land one night, ask to speak to someone that night. Next day is the official meetings. Second day, let everyone cool down and regroup, brief and worry, then the next is the official banquet from their side. Outside?"

"We could," Josh agreed. He looked at her. "What sort of setup would you need to cook for roughly a hundred people?"

"A large oven and my chefs," Nethisha said with a shrug. "I don't cook."

"They bake, they boil, and they pit barbeque," Xander told him. "Probably all of those for this sort of event." He looked at Nethisha. "Are you bringing a supply ship too?"

"It might be for the best, have it openly in orbit?" she suggested.

"That would be best," Leo agreed. "We can set that up. Even on a rush basis that shouldn't be too bad. Food Network would let us use their staff?"

CJ made a choking noise."They would," she agreed when she quit coughing. "It's a good idea too. The chefs could talk food and we'd be able to put them forward to say nothing went wrong. Just not Emeril, he'd steal the show."

"Or the arrogant guy," Xander put in. "He's mean." He looked at Josh. "But the Good Eats guy is science guy and Mario is probably around. Along with a lot of the better known chefs."

"True," CJ agreed. "And if we taped it, then it could be shown later."

"My head chef might not like that," Nethisha put in,"but I can make her see sense about it. She's very shy," she explained at Josh's look. "She became a chef so no one would have to see her working."

"Oh." He nodded. "We have some chefs that are nearly celebrities but we'll try to keep them away from her." He turned back to the phone. "We figured out that we'd have to brief the top police in New York a few days before, that they'll make first contact and ask them what they want. Then have their Commissioner ask for higher people. Sneak Hammond into the Joint Chief's staff people so he can brief them and be there in case there's any problems. Our Prez, the new Prez, you Leo, me possibly, and whomever the new Prez wants to bring. Let the second day deal with the other world leaders, which will give us enough time to talk to them. Third day for a banquet from their side and more discussion for the next few days. The last day of the first week, Barbara and Leno."

"Leno?" Leo asked. "You got her on Leno?"

"No, I got her on Leno," Xander told him. "He's a really nice guy and he's good at interviewing people who haven't done a lot of it." He looked at Nethisha. "I'll show you his show tonight. He's the only one who interviewed me about my earlier books. He's a nice guy."

"I know he is," Leo agreed, "but Leno?"

"It'll prove they're not here to take over," Josh explained. "No one harmful would ever go on Leno."

"Good point," CJ agreed, sounding like she was smiling. "It's not a hard week, it should be fine. There's enough space in there for emergencies and meetings."

"I really could talk with someone while I'm here," Nethisha offered again.

"I'll set it up right now, if Mr. Harris will lend us his home," CJ told her.

"Sure. I need to clean a room and the animals' room, but it should be fine." He looked at Josh. "I have an illusion to put on too," he mouthed. Josh nodded. "Call her up and send her. Want me to call Jay and ask him to come up too?"

"No, that's okay. Let him be surprised. People will believe Barbra more," Leo told him. "Jay will meet her that day."

Xander patted Nethisha on the arm. "It'll be okay. Just one more day."

"Can you teach me more of this swimming?"

"Of course."

"My Queen," her guard yelled.

"Down here," she called back. The guard came running down. "I came down early," she admitted with a smile. "Xander's going to teach me more about swimming."

"Yes, my Lady," the guard agreed. "We should probably eat first though."

"If you eat first, then you can't go in for an hour," Xander told them. "It can cause stomach cramps." The guard nodded. "Then go ahead and raid the fridge. We don't stand on ceremony around here."

"Don't cook?" Leo asked, sounding like he was smiling.

"I once turned ribs into jerky," Xander told him. "We ordered out last night." He looked at Josh. "Is that all that we needed to do?"

"As far as I know. Can you guys think of anything that we missed?" Josh asked.

"Not a one," Leo admitted. "You did good, kid. Stay there until Barbara leaves." Their end hung up.

Josh turned to look at the women raiding the refrigerator. "Try the cheese," he suggested. "It's subtle, but good." The block of cheese was pulled out and Josh nodded Xander off to the side. "What else did you need to do?"

"I need to clean the animal room, put on my illusion so I look like I've aged some, and clean a room for their use. The rest of the house should be all right and my housekeeper is coming tomorrow if we need that long."

"Good. Go do that." He watched as the younger man left. "So," he said, smiling at the women. "Are you excited about setting up a new diplomatic mission?"

"Yes," Nethisha told him, smiling back at him. "It's very interesting, how you humans interact. Somewhat backwards, but entertaining." She handed over some bread.

"Use the darker, smaller loaf," he suggested. "It has a better flavor." He walked over to help them. "Do you get bored up there?"

"Sometimes," she agreed.

The guard nodded. "There are times when everything is the same. It's part of the reason why we've had so many problems with our fertility rates. After a while, everything's the same so why do it." She handed out a small basket of strawberries. "Can we eat these?"

"No, Xander said you were allergic to them," Josh told them."You could probably try one though, split it in half." He watched as one was split, a very ripe berry, and eaten, both women smiling. And then becoming blotchy.

Xander walked in, his hair now having some more silver in it and his face having a few more wrinkles. "Couldn't resist the strawberries?" he asked with a grin. "I feel the same way." He stole one to nibble. "Let's get a good lunch together. Sam and her buddy should be back soon." He took control of a knife, slicing up the bread for small sandwiches.

Josh watched their easiness together and marveled at it. He wasn't that comfortable with anybody.

***

Xander opened the door with a smile. "Hi. Right this way, Ms. Walters," he requested. "I'm Xander Harris and this is my home. Just ask if you can't find something." He showed her into a sitting room. "Would this room be all right for the interview?"

She smiled at him. "Just fine." She turned as Josh walked up behind Xander. "No one would tell me what this was about." She looked at Xander, then at Josh, and caught the clue. "Those people are *real*?" she asked. Xander nodded. "I get first interview?"

"But it can't go out yet," Josh explained, waving at a couch. They both sat down. "The Queen of the planet that's coming down is here right now making some last minute plans for her official debut. She requested an interview now, for whatever reason, but you'll be doing another after they've been here for a week. That same day, she'll be doing Leno and you'll be free to put the story out."

Barbra Walters looked around the room. "That's wonderful," she said finally. "Thank you for trusting me."

Xander coughed. "I'm really sorry, but I need the ferret," he said, nodding at the one trying to attack the reporter's feet. "She's being naughty, she likes shiny things."

Barbara picked it up to look at it. "Don't do that. It's not polite." She handed it back. "I don't mind animals."

"That's good, because we've got close to thirty of them running around the house," Xander quipped. "The door closes though." He got out of the single crew person's way, letting her set up the equipment. "If you need anything, I'll be down the hall."

"Freeze," she ordered. "You knew about this. I'll want to talk to you too."

Xander nodded. "Okay. Can we do mine out by the pool?" He smiled and walked away, going to check on Nethisha, who was putting back on her normal clothes. "She's here," he announced as he tapped on the door. The guard answered it, in her usual outfit. "No medals?"

"They're heavy and only for show,"she told him. "We were told to appear as our normal selves."

"That would be best," Sam agreed as she walked up behind Xander. "Have you been asked anything yet?"

"No. But I already know what I'm going to say." He gave her a hug, and the ferret baby. "Here. I'm going to go put on a different shirt. This one looks nasty, it's got a spot." He went to his room.

Nethisha walked out, adjusting her right breast cup. "All right," she announced. "I'm ready."

"Bathroom?" Sam asked with a smile. Nethisha headed that way, her guard with her, just in case.

***

Barbara walked out onto the back patio and looked around. "This is a wonderful house," she told him, sitting beside him.

"Thanks," he said with a grin. "It's everything I ever wanted." He turned to face her. "What can I answer for you? Without violating any confidences?"

She laughed. "I'm sure that will come up. Let me get the cameraman." She looked him over. "Is that an illusion?" He nodded. "Then we'll have to use a filter, just in case." She stood up. "Do they all dress like that?"

"Nethisha's from the dominant race in the Empire that her planet belongs to. That's how her people dress. There's others for the other races. Including one that doesn't wear anything except hair ornaments."

She laughed as she headed back inside, coming back with a cameraman. "All right," she said as she sat down next to him. "Let's start with how you met them."

"I was picked actually," Xander told her, getting comfortable. He smiled as one of the ferrets came running up with a brush. "You don't mind if I take care of her, do you?"

"No, go right ahead." Barbara watched as he brushed the little creature. "How were you chosen?"

"Someone else that had worked with them came to me. They knew me before she had contacted them and he knew that getting some of their history out would help when they finally came down. I happened to be between books and I'm a big fan of Nethisha's people now that I know about them."

"They said that they have some practices that could be questionable," Barbara noted. "Can you elaborate?"

"Well, we know that people will object because they're headed by women. Or because they believe in multiple marriages with both sexes."

"Yes, she told us about that. What about the slavery issue?"

"I've seen *one* the whole time I've known Nethisha. They really don't use it that much. But you've got to admit, as an alternative to the death penalty, it's effective."

"True," she agreed quickly. "What do they do?"

"All of us that have met her had it explained to us. They do things like park work. They prune bushes and pick up trash." He sat up, putting the groomed baby down. "Go play," he told her. "And not in the pool." The baby squeaked at him and headed over to investigate the cameraman. "You might want to remove her," he suggested. "She's teething and cords are attractive." Barbara reached over to grab the ferret, putting it behind her. "Thanks. All my animals are like my kids." He grinned. "Basically, it's one of three alternatives to the death penalty. They could be sentenced to slavery, to life in prison, to banishment to a non-core world - that means one where there's almost no people and you'd have to make do with yourself -, or there's the death penalty. They've had sixteen death penalty cases in the last year. Their definitions are different than ours, but most of theirs would be the same as ours if we were them."

"I heard something about spousal abuse?"

"Yup, serious spousal abuse. A little slap is counted as something less than a death penalty offense I think, but the major abuse is a death penalty crime. As is child abuse. As is murder, genocide, and intentionally using whatever mental skills you may have to kill or harm those around you."

"There are telepaths?" Barbara asked.

Xander nodded. "A few. They've got a very strict code of ethics that they live by. Most of the ones that I've heard of work in the court system." She opened her mouth. "None of them would intentionally scan you, it's not who they are."

Barbara nodded. "I know that people will have some trouble adjusting to them. Can you give them any ideas how?"

Xander smiled. "Are you showing this in its entirety?"

She nodded. "Yes, we'll only edit it for commercials. In cases like this, not even my editor will be able to edit it. We'll lock the tape so it can't be fixed."

"Thanks. The best advice I can give people is to relax. They're nice people. A little different, but they're great men and women. If you take the time to listen to them and get to know them, you'll like them. Even the most paranoid need to know that they won't force anything. They want to be friends." He shrugged. "I found them really nice and ready to bend over backwards to make friends. They won't put up with the paranoid fringe, those who'll try to harm them because they're not from here, but they'll protect themselves from them. Their ways are almost intuitive once you understand who and what they are. No other funky advice to give." He shifted slightly, his hip was starting to hurt. "Anything else you wanted to know?"

"Why did you put the ‘as retold by' on the newest books?"

He grinned faintly. "Because I only wrote them down. They told the me the stories and I worked to get them out to the public so there would be some understanding once they got here." His grin got brighter. "Maybe there'll be an ‘I saw that in a book' moment and everyone will read them to gain a better understanding before the panic starts."

"Did they get to see the finished products?"

"All but the last one. I was running on a short deadline," he admitted. "There are points where I took literary license, and they saw those, but I had to fight my editor. He had a problem with their names," he confided, leaning a little closer. "Now we've got six volumes of some of the most important points in their history on our shelves and hopefully it'll help people understand them a bit better." He leaned back, waving a hand around. "And if there are people who don't like it, yay."

"What if, as you call them, the paranoid fringe come for you? This is a wonderful house."

Xander nodded. "It is, but it's just a house. I think we'll probably get some warning if they're coming for us. At least if they go through LA or enter the town. If worse comes to worse, we have an exit strategy in place." He looked at her."You?"

"I've always got one," she agreed with a smile. "Mr. Harris, you're a very unusual man." She stood up. "It's been a lovely day at your house. Thank you for letting me have access to her." She nodded at her cameraman. "I'll make sure this tape makes it out in its full form. Anything less would be lying." She walked away, her cameraman following her. She stopped at the doorway. "That's a wonderful room by the way, the one with the tapestries."

Xander's grin was the brightest he'd had all day. "That's my writing room," he told her. She laughed and headed back inside.

Josh walked out, smiling at him. "Good job." He sat down on the lounger next to him. "We'll make sure it gets out in the full form. She's good for that. Not even her editor, if he becomes paranoid, can fix that tape. CJ would have his liver for breakfast and Barbara would have him blacklisted." He patted Xander on the arm. "I think we'll get out of your hair and let you get back to traveling with her."

"Okay," Xander agreed. "Henri's showing up tonight. We'll be leaving on a flight tonight, back to the base."

"Base?" Barbara asked from the kitchen window. She peeked out it. "Off the record?"

Josh looked back at her. "That's classified, but we've had a military liaison watching over the meetings since they started." He stood up and walked over to the window. "You can't spill that though. The project's too classified for anyone to know."

She nodded. "Is it that one in Colorado?"

Josh shrugged. "I don't have high enough clearance," he told her. "Not even the *President* has high enough clearance, he only knows about this project because it's part of his job."

She whistled. "Then I won't mention it. But I want the full story some day." She closed the window.

Josh looked at Xander. "Are you packed?"

"All packed and ready. There shouldn't be many problems on the way back, unless someone gets drunk on the plane." He straightened up. "I only have one small bag. I can get more clothes once I'm up there. I left my husband with some money."

"Good." He nodded. "I'll see you at the official debut." He walked back into the house and left behind Barbara and her crew.

Xander relaxed some in the sun. He didn't get to do this often anymore. Maybe once this was all done, he and Oz would go somewhere sunny and just sit there.

***

Xander and Nethisha walked through the portal and were mobbed. "Hi," he said, hugging Oz. "It went okay." He took the kiss he deserved. "Everything's set for the debut."

Oz sighed. "Not worried about that. Was worried about you." He squeezed his husband. "Are you all right?"

"Just fine," Xander agreed, following him to the cart that would take them home. He waved at the Queen as she and her family took off. "She was interviewed by Barbara. We got her on Leno. It should go okay."

Oz snorted. "Picket-carrying idiots aside?"

Xander nodded, smiling at him. "Yup." He stole another kiss. "I missed you."

"Good." Oz spanked him. "We'll deal with that once you tame the Ray and the Methos." They landed in front of the house and got off, letting the cart go back to it's hire spot. As they walked inside, Ray pounced them, bringing them to the floor right inside the doorway. "Anxious?" he asked.

Ray looked up and nodded. "I missed him. Haven't had any from him in a while." He licked up Xander's exposed neck. "You mind?"

"Yes, he's mine first."

"There's enough to go around," Xander reminded them. "I haven't had real sex in over a month." Both men smiled at that. "I'm all yours."

"Yes, you are," the Military liaison said from his spot on the stairs. "After you debrief with me. Then they can have you."

Xander looked up at him and waved. "Hey." He smiled. "Give me a few to get cuddles then I'm yours for an hour. That'll give these two time to get ready for me." He nipped Oz on the neck. "And I do mean ready for me," he whispered in his mate's ear, making him shiver. He pushed himself up, kissing Ray so he could stand up. "Let me tell the nice General and then we'll play," he told Ray. "You've got me for two whole days before Nethisha wants to see us." He winked and walked into the living room, flopping down into one of the chairs.

"What would you like for dinner?" Methos called as he walked out of the kitchen.

"One of your infamous backrubs?" Xander asked with his naughtiest grin.

Methos leaned down and kissed him hard. "Done." He walked back to his cooking, adjusting himself slightly.

"Don't even expect one from me," Jack said from his seat under the windows.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Xander quipped. He smiled at the General. "We've got everything planned for her official debut. Everything went well. Barbara liked her a whole lot. She promised to show both tapes in their entirety."

"Lyman let her do an interview?" the General asked. He sat down on one of the marshmallow chairs. "Why?"

"She pressed the point so we got Ms. Walters to agree to holding it off until after they're down there. I did a short one. We got her on Leno too, he seemed kinda skeptical but that's okay. I told him he could come up after they land if he had any questions."

Oz sneezed. "Excuse me?"

"I said he could come up. I didn't want to mislead him but all he knows is that it's a big story, has to do with my books, and that it'll happen around the eighth of October."

Oz nodded. "Okay. But you have to deal with him if he does come."

"Sure. I'm sure we can find something to talk about." He grabbed his husband and pulled him down into his lap, nibbling on his neck. "Nethisha and her guard both really like beer. We'll have to monitor that problem."

The General cleared his throat. "Did they try anything else out?"

"They want to bring some of their food down. They're hosting a banquet on the third night for whomever wants to show up. Josh and I thought that their veggie that has the same mouth-feel as a water chestnut would go over great." He looked at Oz. "Nethisha tried swimming, she's really good at it too. I showed them the internet and Sam came down to help them surf. It went okay." He nipped Oz hard, making him groan. "This naughty one told them about pizza and the only pizza place in Sunnydale is really crappy."

"We left one in the freezer," Oz reminded him.

"We ate that one. The house needs food," Xander sighed, putting on an act. Oz tickled him for it. "Anything else I can tell you?" he asked before he lost his breath and squealed.

"No, go have fun, boys," the General told them. He watched as they ran up the stairs, someone's shirt already flying off. He shook his head. "Kids," he muttered to himself. If he had their energy, he'd be getting more done. At least they were doing stuff with it. It appeared that everything would go all right after all.

On The Way Home.

Xander looked around their room, humming in thought. He thought he had everything packed already, but things kept popping up thanks to the ferrets. He shrugged off his worries about where his favorite thong was and headed downstairs, ready for the party. Their going away party. Nethisha and her daughter Siblinth were throwing a massive party for them. Of course, it probably wouldn't rival the one they'd be throwing on Earth in a few weeks, but that was okay. Xander didn't have to plan that one at all. Someone official was doing that. He took Oz's held- out hand and allowed himself to be led outside to the flying carts.

Being offworld had been good for them, both as a couple and as individuals. Xander had learned a lot working with the native metal and jewelry people. Not to mention what he learned from the native clothiers and prostitutes. Oz had learned a lot from the native weavers. And together, they had gotten a lot closer. Not even the problems with Giles could dull what they had between them. They'd grown closer, and Oz had even opened up about his past.

Even Methos and Ray had found peace and serenity with each other and with them.

But now, it was time to party. Then they had to finish packing and head home. It was time. Xander smiled as he walked off the cart and headed into the palace. This had almost become like a third home to him.

***

"Xander, dance for us!" Nethisha called across the crowded room. He shook his head, but he was smiling to ease the negation. "Please?" A few other female voices took up the cry.

Oz nudged him. "Give them one last show. I'm not letting you do it at home." A few nearby people laughed.

"Oh, all right," he sighed, taking off his shirt. A few of the women sighed as they watched his tight body move out onto the dance floor. "But just a short one," he told the Queen.

She nodded and a chair was brought for her so she would have a front row seat. She held her breath as he took his first position. She knew this dance. It always made her happy. Her eyes traced his fluid muscles as he slowly stretched and spun, getting lost in the hypnotic moves of his body. She knew she wasn't the only one, but that just made it better. Specimens like him hardly ever came along to interrupt her boring life. She consciously had to stop her hand from drifting down to touch her stomach, it would be acceptable but she wanted to hold off for as long as possible. She had built up an incredible tolerance for the man's dancing.

Xander moved slowly closer to her, swaying right in front of her. He let her nails tease his flesh, but when she tried to use her fingers on his stomach, he moved back with a wink. He twirled around and started to sway again, this time playing to the whole audience. He heard a few women start to pant as he moved over to where Oz was waiting, and even more when he danced just for his husband. He noticed that Oz was starting to react and turned up his smouldering looks, wanting him to be so hot that his mate took him right then and there. He heard the faint growl and leaned in, licking up his husband's cheek. He danced back quickly, before Oz could grab him, but he wasn't quite fast enough. Oz had grabbed him and Xander was now dancing only for him, the hands on his hips keeping him basically in place. He wiggled but the hands weren't going to let him go. It was a statement of who they were as a couple. Oz was the steady one and Xander was... well, he was him and Oz kept him steady. Xander licked Oz's chin, nipping him lightly. Oz let him back up some, but he was still only allowed to dance for him. Xander knew that Oz would hunt him down if he tried to move away.

One of the women tried to move closer to get a better look, but she had to back away again when Oz growled at her, the sound loud in the quiet room. The queen giggled and moved her chair closer. Oz liked her, he only looked over at her.

Xander finished up that dance and paused, letting the musicians get in line. He had bribed them earlier with some sheet music Daniel had found for him in the Middle East. He started to belly dance, thrilling his mate who had never seen him do it before. The musicians played nearly flawlessly, and it was all good. Even the women were squealing in joy at his stomach movements.

Oz smirked at his husband's teasing. Xander was an artiste at teasing and it was good to enjoy it in a safe environment. No one here would take him, they all knew better. So he could relax and enjoy it himself. He snagged a drink off a waiter's tray, that guy was frozen too. Xander was *good*.

***

Daniel and Jack faced off with their boss, smiling. It had been a great assignment, easy and unstressfull for the most part. And neither of them had been shot at in three years. It was a vast improvement over their usual assignments, which they were going to have to go back to soon enough. He accepted his medal and handshake from General Hammond's boss. He waited until the four star was headed for the banquet before looking at General Hammond. "Sir, what next?" he asked.

"Next, we have to get ready for the landing, gentlemen." General Hammond sat behind his desk. "As soon as we get Dr. Carter back here and give her her medal, we'll start going over what we're going to do to help this landing and meeting go smoothly." He smiled as the door opened and Sam walked in. "Dr. Carter. Is everything all right?"

"Fine, sir," she agreed, saluting him. He waved it off. "The going away party is in full swing. Xander's presently giving the queen a going away present. He's dancing for them."

"Oh, God," Jack groaned.

"They won't touch him," the General soothed. "They know that it would derail everything if they so much as moved one of the very long hairs on his head." He scratched his bald head. "When are they coming back?"

"Tomorrow," Sam told him. "They're mostly packed, but the ferrets keep bringing out their treasures." She looked at Daniel, then at the door. "Did I miss the ceremony?"

"By about five minutes," Jack told her with a smile. "The General is downstairs waiting on our reception." He patted her on the shoulder as he walked past her. "Is everything set for the grunts to move the Osbournes out?"

"Funny, Jack," General Hammond noted dryly. "We can't let them go across the portal." Jack groaned and exited the room.

Daniel smiled and shook his head. "Xander already brought most of his stuff with him, including most of the animals. Blair and I have three bags and Dessie, and three of her kits. The rest have been adopted." He saluted and left too.

General Hammond stood up and handed Dr. Carter her medal. "Here you go, Dr. Carter. I know that you wanted the higher ups to not hear about your gifts." Her smile got brighter. "I've kept it quiet so far, but I want you to give me a possible target in the next few months. I want to continue this project and your form of gateways are much more stable and energy efficient."

Sam beamed. "Yes, sir, but I have it on good authority that the Empire itself is looking at this experiment to judge what part they want to play." The General looked thoughtful. "The Empress is coming down in a few months herself because Xander keeps ducking out of his discussion with her. I hear she'll be down here quietly a few months after the embassy's set up." She put her medal into her pocket. "Sir, shouldn't we go join the party before all the food's gone?"

The General smiled and let her lead the way out. Ladies were still first through the door, even in his military. Hopefully, the Joint Chief wouldn't question him about whom she was. He didn't want to explain her gifts to him and he would have to if he asked.

***

Xander put the last bag onto the cart they had rented and looked back into the house. He was going to miss it. The cramped rooms, the hard beds, all the little hiding spots for the ferrets. But it was time to go back to his home, their real home. Whichever one they decided they wanted to go to after Vegas. Steve had been warned and he swore the resort would be ready for an inspection by all of them. He got out of Methos' way, watching as he put his and Ray's bags on the cart. Xander smiled at the small pile of stuff ready to go back to the base. He had taken most of it home already, and most of the animals too. Ray and Daniel carried out the last three carriers and secured them into a corner of the cart. They'd be walking probably, the cart's floor was full.

Oz walked out and gave everyone a hug. "Everything's ready for the next tenant." He got on to fly the cart and everyone else started the thirteen block hike to the portal.

Xander snuggled into Methos' side, on the other side of Ray. "Are you coming with us to Vegas?" he asked.

"Yes," Methos said quietly, kissing him on the top of the head. He dropped a kiss on his mate's head too. "We'll come home with you until Nethisha lands, then we'll see."

"Cool," Xander whispered. He was comfortable. He was snuggled. He was even hard, but it wasn't too much yet, not even enough to distract him. He was going to have his buddies while Oz dealt with the resort. Life was good. They walked through the portal together. And stopped when they saw all the soldiers standing there pointing their guns at the Stargate. "Problems?" he asked, heading down the ramp first. He looked at the open gate, then up at the control room for General Hammond. "He's not here?"

"He's on his way up," the soldier in charge told him. He looked him over. "Sir, please clear the room. We'll grab your gear in a few moments."

Xander took his gun from him and checked the clip. "Some of us can use these," he told him, handing it back when he saw the unease. "We can stay and help."

"No," General Hammond said as he walked into the room. "Go wait in the conference room, boys." He smiled at Methos and Ray. "Get him safely away. We'll bring your gear and the things left in the closet to you in a few moments." He watched as Xander was pulled back by Ray.

A single figure stepped through the Stargate and it closed behind him. He walked down the ramp and nodded at the General. "I've made them see reason," he announced. "They're not going to attempt to come here and attack again." He smiled cruelly. "I do believe that they're scared of us now." He bowed to the soldiers behind General Hammond. "If I may?"

"No, you may not," the General told him. "You will go up to my office and wait on me to debrief you." He tried to keep the coolness from his voice, but it didn't help that much. He was still very angry with this man, not only because he had endangered his base by going to the Goa'uld, but also because of the way that he had treated his mates.

"Giles?" Oz breathed as he walked through the other portal.

Giles smiled at him. "Yes?" He walked away, tapping a solider to lead him. "Let's go." He walked out of the gate room and did as he was told.

Xander relaxed against Ray's body. "Oh, crap," he whispered.

***

Strife looked up from his book, one eyebrow going up. "Did someone call?" he yelled.

His mother walked past him. "No one called you, dumbass." She fluffed her hair. "I think all my plans are starting to come together nicely. Stay here." She started to disappear, but an outside force kept her in the temple. "What the fuck!" she screamed.

"Unc said we had to stay here," Strife said, going back to his book. "Otherwise I'd be with my boy." He shifted his hips out a little, getting more comfortable. "Pull up a book, it's been two days so far." He turned the page. "I never knew my boy was this good."

"Which boy?" she sighed as she flopped down into a chair. If she had to stay here, she should probably get some enjoyment out of it.

"D'Nalia's boys. They just started to write. Ian just got his first short story published in this book and Sean's got a novel-length one due out next year through a vanity publisher." He turned the page. "Ian's got a great hand for horror. Sean's got a dark fantasy thing going." He looked up. "Wanna read?" he offered. She sneered at him. "Never mind," he sighed, going back to his stories. They were really good, he'd have to pop in and see them soon to tell them that.

Discord sighed and shifted angrily. "This sucks," she announced. Her son ignored her. She zapped him. "I said, this sucks," she repeated, louder this time.

He nodded. "Sure does, but it's a nice break from the crap I've been doing." He turned the page, frowning when he came to the end of the story. "Tease," he snorted. "I'll noogie him for that." He started the next story. He was having fun frustrating Discord, it was always a treat.

She glared at him and tried to take his book, but he held onto it and protected it. "Putz," she told him. "Who reads?"

"I do," he told her, not looking up. "Lots of people do. They're the smart ones in case you hadn't noticed." He turned the page.

She shrieked, giving up easily. She stomped off to another room, somewhere without her son.

***

Zeus looked up from his viewing, smiling at his wife. "Is it ready?"

"Everything's ready," she assented. "They'll get a warm welcome."

Ares appeared, arms already crossed, scowl in place. "Touch them and die," he reminded them. "And remove the barrier from my temple before I get more pissed."

Zeus smiled at him. "Ares, butt out."

"Ah-ah," Apollo chastised as he appeared. "You can't touch the weights around his family's soul. You agreed that you'd leave the anchors alone for the good of all."

"They bother me," Zeus told him. "I don't care if they are keeping us alive."

Jace appeared, frowning at him. "Oh, really?" she asked. "Didn't all of us do that?" She walked up to stand beside Ares. "As a former method of your survival, I'd stop now. I can tell Xander how to let his link go, I managed to do it twice while I was the anchor. You know what will happen if he does."

Hera glared at her. "You're still mad at me, aren't you? All this is about that stupid curse on that town."

Jace gave her a bland look. "Not really. I've learned to live as a female. Too bad you can't." She turned away from the Queen of the Gods. "I will teach Xander how to let the bonds of his duty go," she warned them. "That means that every God that's not presently worshiped will disappear. Which means you two go first." She looked at Ares. "Where's Strife? He was supposed to spar with me today."

"Locked in my temple," Ares told her. "He's with Discord." She shuddered. "Exactly. My temple will be in ruins by the time we can get in there."

"You could go now," Zeus told him, waving a hand to send him there. It didn't work. "What?" he asked, glancing at Hera.

"Unfortunately, I've found a few new sources of worship," Ares told him with a smirk. "Unfortunate for you." He pointed at his father and zapped him with his newer source of power. "Deal with it and release my family before I have to react," he said calmly. "You won't like that." Zeus actually looked scared. "Now," he repeated quietly. Hera waved a hand and he felt the barriers around his temple release. "Thank you." He nodded to her. "Migrid will be down in about a month, she'll be on the ship that the Queen's coming on." He looked at Joxer, giving her a slight smile. "You get to plan the party for her and Bliss' homecoming."

Jace grinned. "Great. Subtle and non-kiddie or not?"

Ares shrugged. "I don't have a clue," he admitted. "Ask Cupid." She nodded and disappeared. He looked at his parents again. "Never come near the anchors," he said calmly and quietly. "My family protects them so that you can't mess this up for everyone. No matter how much you don't like them and no matter how much jealousy you feel toward them. If you touch the anchors again, by your own decree and backed up by the Fates, you're to be imprisoned. Then it falls to me to lead the Pantheon. I *know* you don't like that idea." He turned and walked away, disappearing once he was out of their sight. He couldn't let them do anything to hurt Xander, some of his own family would end up disappearing slowly and painfully. Fortunately, he had a plan in place for just such an occasion. He felt a shiver of fear from Xander, but the others could handle that. Strife and Cupid were probably already down there with the boy.

***

Cupid appeared in Hammond's office, then promptly disappeared, hopefully before the man sitting there had seen him. This was so not good. He landed in front of Discord. "Your toy's back," he said angrily. "My boy's upset because he's back."

"Whatever," she sighed, standing up and smoothing a hand down her leather mini-dress. "Where?"

"Hammond's office. Waiting on something. Keep him away from Xander."

"And Oz," Strife said as he appeared. He blew Cupid a kiss. "They're back for good," he said happily.

"Yup, for now," Cupid reminded him. "Until Xander has to deal with that whole 'owning a planet' issue."

Strife grinned. "Yeah, but he'll be building us a real temple."

"Point," Cupid conceded. "Let's go. Where are they?"

"Conference room," Ares said as he appeared. "What was that?"

"Giles is back," Cupid said coolly. "He's on the base."

Ares just nodded and looked at his twin sister. "Deal with him. *Nothing* can interfere with the anchors." He walked away from them, going to find something for his growing headache. She just had to fuck this up for him, didn't she?

Strife and Cupid grinned at each other and flashed out, appearing behind their boys with squeals of delight. They grabbed Xander and Oz tightly, hugging them both. "Welcome back!"

General Hammond cleared his throat and nodded at the other General sitting next to him. "Explain this please," he requested pleasantly.

Strife grinned at the four star. "Hey, whazup. Ares' second in command. These are *our* boys." He patted Xander on the head. "Just happy ta have 'em back." He smiled as Sam walked in, frowning when he saw she was wearing her uniform. "You didn't bring any clothes back?" he pouted.

She smiled at him. "I can only wear them at home," she reminded him as she sat down in her spot. "Later," she promised. Cupid laughed. "As for you, thank you for the nice flowers."

"Hey, you watched out for my boys too," Cupid said with a shrug. "Besides, I thought it might tickle you." He looked back to Hammond. "We'll get out of your hair soon enough. Oh, and Discord's coming to get her toy."

The General stood up. "Excuse me, I should probably go deal with that."

The four star coughed, ending the minute or so of silence that Hammond left in his wake. "So, who are you two again? I thought only certain personnel knew about this base." He looked at Xander.

"We're Gods," Strife scoffed. "We already knew." He leaned closer. "I'll have Unc come talk ta ya," he told him with a wink. Then he stood back up. "Xander, Oz, where to now?"

"We're all heading to the resort," Oz told him. "We'll decide which house from there."

"Go to Sunnydale," Cupid told them. "It'll be easier to work from there until after the embassy's set up. Then you guys get to go disappear." He waved. "Later." He disappeared.

Strife made two books appear in his hand. "Short reading," he told them with a grin. "You're such a *bad* influence," he told Xander, pinching him on the arm. "They'll be there in a few days." He disappeared too.

Xander looked down at the books that had been left on the table. "No way," he breathed, picking them up. "The boys are writing." He handed them to Oz with a brilliant grin. "That is so cool."

"Boys?" the general asked.

"Our housekeeper's sons," Oz said absently as he read the summaries. "These look interesting." He patted Xander's thigh under the table. "We'll congratulate them later. Buy 'em quill pens or something." He smiled at Sam, offering the books to her. She took them to look over and Oz looked at the General. "So, everything's set up?" he asked.

The General nodded, smiling. "Yes, everything should be fine. Do you know how many ships they'll be bringing?"

Xander shrugged. "Probably one and a small supply ship. It doesn't take them that long to get here, but that should be enough. Maybe one other one if they think it's necessary."

"They won't need a military liaison?"

"I think she'll be riding with the Queen," Oz offered. "It's a lot less formal up there." Sam snickered, trying to cover it up as a cough.

"You had something to add, Captain?" the general asked.

"No sir, but the Military liaison will be on the Queen's ship. She'll be the redheaded woman with the long braid and the silver clothing. I've talked to her a lot, she's very interesting."

"How does she relate to the rest of the Empire's military?" the general asked.

"The Empire only asks that each member planet send two ships, on a rotating schedule, for a year's service. This planet's due another stint in about three years. Their version of the Joint Chiefs will want to talk after the embassy's set up, just in case this doesn't go well." She stared him in the eyes. "They'd really hate to have to smash us like bugs, sir, so they're staying out of it and watching for now."

"A wise choice," Methos said from his seat in the corner. He looked like he was almost pouting. Strife hadn't hugged him and Ray was supervising the moving of their things. "We could all do with a little of that caution."

"Oh, we have it," the general told him. "We're not sure that we like these very powerful aliens, especially when they're coming here to try and absorb us."

Everyone in the room laughed.

"What?" he asked angrily. "You don't believe that they won't try to take us?"

"No, they won't try to take us," Xander told him, after he had calmed down. "They're not like that. If you don't believe me, one of your own is up there right now. He'll be back later tonight."

"They think we're like precocious children," Oz explained. "They don't want to take us over, but maybe give us a nudge in the right direction. We're very far behind them socially in most areas."

"Except that they have slaves," the general butted in.

"Only for death penalty offenses," Methos corrected. "It's a possible alternative." He stood up and walked up between Xander and Oz. "You really should read those briefings a little better instead of just skimming it. That's why they forced us to write them."

The general glared at him. "You wouldn't know what it's like to be in my position."

Methos smiled coldly. "I do know what it's like to be in your position and...." He stopped as the door opened, readmitting Hammond. "Everything go all right?"

"Yes, Mr. Giles has agreed to go to Florida and wait on you to call him." He closed the door and looked at Methos. "Don't threaten him," he said conversationally. "He doesn't know what you are."

"Is he like those others?" the four star demanded of his minion.

General Hammond shook his head. "Not at all." He walked over and reclaimed his seat. "What he is is much older than all of us. He's got a genetic anomaly that makes him age more slowly. He's over two hundred years old and he's done our jobs before. That's one of the reasons why I sent him on this mission." He looked at Methos. "Your mate is presently loading everything into a jeep. He'll be back for the stuff in the closet in a few moments. Then he wanted to leave."

"That's fine with us," Oz agreed. He looked up at Methos. "It'll be okay. Military people are supposed to be paranoid, that's how they stay alive."

"I remember the feeling well," Methos said dryly, going back to his seat in the corner.

The four star looked at Hammond. "Are you agreeing with them that these aliens won't want to take us over?"

"That's why I was up there," Xander reminded him. "To gauge the social climate and get some of their history down so that people like you could read it. Maybe you should do that." He stood up. "With all due deference, I'm feeling a bit tired now that I'm not in the happy air." He took Oz's hand as his husband stood up. "Did you need anything else or can you come get us at home?"

"Go ahead and go," General Hammond said with a gentle smile. "Any remaining questions we might have we'll come to you. I need to take another tour of that base anyway." He smiled at their backs as they left. "Captain Carter, did you have anything to add?"

"No, sir," she said, looking up quickly from the story she was reading, those kids were *great*. "I agree with Xander, he should probably read the books and the briefings more closely before Nethisha gets here." She stood up. "Sir, with all due respect, I'd like to head home." General Hammond nodded and she saluted, then left.

The four star looked over at his underling. "Do you agree?" he asked coldly.

General Hammond nodded. "It would be a shame to ruin all this work on some easily eradicated fears," he said calmly.

"We'll see," the four star said as he stood up. "Was there anything else that had to be gone over on this trip?" General Hammond shook his head. "Then I'll be going." The other general saluted and left.

General Hammond took a deep breath, then stood up and headed for his special little red phone.

***

Xander signed them all out and led the way to the carpool, only getting lost once, but that was okay because Oz pulled him down the right hallway. He hugged Ray hard. "Can we go?"

"Our flight's in an hour," Ray told him. "And there's press at the gates. They followed the big dude downstairs." He slid on his sunglasses. "What're we gonna do?"

Oz grabbed the phone off the wall and called back downstairs. "General Hammond? There's press at the gates." He hummed and hung up. "We're waiting. He's hoping that they'll be going when the asshole leaves." He pulled Xander back into the shadows. "Just in case. You're a bit too well known, babe." He cuddled his man, content to wait for now. Ray, on the other hand, was nearly vibrating with the urge to leave. "Calm down, he's on his way out. Hammond said so."

"If not?"

"Then we get to steal the dark car over there," Oz said, nodding at the official sedan. "We'll stuff you guys in the back and let someone else drive our stuff."

"I'll do it," Sam said as she walked up to them. She looked over at the gate. "Again?" she muttered.

"Again?"

"Back when we were moving stuff in, we got a lot of press wondering what was going on. They camped out there for days. We had to send people out to clear the road for each shipment." She considered the jeep, then the men. "Okay. I'm taking your stuff to my house."

"I don't know where that is," Oz told her.

"I do," Methos said. "If it's still in the same place?"

"Yup. I had my check automatically deposited and pay my bills." She stuffed her hair up under her cap. "Meet me there in an hour." She walked over to the jeep and shifted the animals around so they would be more secure, buckling them in. "An hour," she called as she started the engine. She drove away, the photographers listlessly taking a few snapshots of her as she drove past, she wasn't who they wanted to see.

Xander looked over his shoulder as he heard running footsteps. "You missed her, Jack. She's heading for her apartment."

Jack shook his head. "That'll be a little hard since it burnt last month." He frowned at them. "Why is she driving your stuff?" Oz pointed at the reporters at the gate. "Oh, that reason." He looked Xander over. "You got another of those illusion thingies?" Xander shook his head. "Why not?"

"I left it at home. I haven't needed it except there." He got free of Oz's arms and started to play with his hair, putting it up quickly. "Okay, how's that?"

"Very cute," Oz said, looking confused. "Why are we worried about your hair?"

"Like you said, I'm the most known person here." He grabbed Jack's hat and put it on, pulling it low. Then he and Methos exchanged shirts, leaving him in a baggier shirt. "How do I look?"

"Fast disguise and not totally working," Oz told him. "But I guess it'll have to do."

Xander frowned. "I'm sorry I forgot, Oz, but I didn't think anyone would be paying attention on the flight back."

"Point," Ray said, breaking into the growing argument. He looked over Xander's outfit, then handed him his jacket. "This too." He looked back at Jack. "Think you can get us a ride?"

"Sure. Daniel and Blair are on their way up. We'll split you between our cars."

Once the other two men got there, they headed out together, in pairs. Xander with Ray. Methos and Oz together. They met up with Sam in her former parking lot and grabbed the jeep. Hugs were exchanged before they left Colorado all together, and Daniel promised to come see them soon. It wasn't long before they were at the airport, waiting on a mundane flight back to the resort in Vegas.

***

Xander looked up as they pulled up to the resort. "Ribbons?" he snorted.

"Must be a festival." Oz got out and grabbed the animal carriers with Ray, leaving their husbands to pay the driver and get the tip. They walked into the resort together, and nearly got mobbed by some women. "Out of the way," Oz said tiredly. He put the carriers on the desk and smiled at the receptionist. "Harris," he said quietly. She nodded and pushed a button on her phone. Steve walked out a few minutes later and did everything, letting Xander deal with the fans. "Thanks," Oz said, handing the carrier to the bellhop, who had everything else on his cart already. "Xander, upstairs?" he called.

"Coming." He signed one last autograph and jogged to catch up. The doors shut as soon as he stepped inside the elevator. "Hey, Steve," he said happily. "How did they know I was coming?"

"We're hosting a book fair this weekend," he noted dryly. "You have bad timing."

"Oh. Okay." Xander nodded. "That's cool." He kissed his mate on the cheek. "Nearly home."

"Where there's no fans," Oz pointed out. "And your illusion is."

"Oz, I can say I had really good plastic surgery." Methos looked at him. "It works for everyone else."

"Good point," Methos agreed, looking at Oz. "It'll only be for the next few months anyway."

"Point," Oz agreed. He looked at Steve. "Like a con or a book fair?"

"Like a con," Steve admitted. "Amanda's here too. She took over some other woman's romance line. She talked me into it when their original hotel ended up double booking conventions." Methos groaned. "Definitely," Steve agreed, shooting him a smile. "I found myself unable to say no so now we have sixty writers here and a ton of fans coming and going."

"As long as we don't have a fight, it should be fine," Ray put in.

Oz shook his head. "There are so many of us who used to be actors. We'll have some media ho here soon enough."

"She's downstairs in room 2612," Steve told him. "Amanda's stuck in the middle of a sex scene and she's not due in the convention area until around four for a book signing."

Ray nudged Xander. "Maybe you should go offer ta help," he joked.

"I could," Xander said thoughtfully. "I've been stuck in the middle of one before." He was the first off the elevator, smiling at the family's suite. "Hey, you painted."

"We had to. The last person who stayed here destroyed one of the walls by pouring whiskey on it and lighting it on fire." Steve walked over to the in-suite safe and opened it. "In here, you'll find all the stuff that you've left over the years," he noted dryly. "Including some other casino's chips, a partial manuscript of Xander's, and a thong that I can't say how anyone would wear. Also, in here are the keys to your car, which is sitting downstairs because Giles drove over the last time he was here to run things." He got out of Oz's way so they could see the mostly filled safe. "We found it all while renovating. The crew really loved the thong by the way, Xander." He smiled at his friends. "If you need anything, just call downstairs and ask for me. I'm usually wandering around the writers tables to find something new to read."

"Did you read my new ones?" Xander asked. Steve shook his head. "You should."

"I don't like fantasy," Steve told him. "I like mysteries."

"Read them," Oz told him, patting him on the shoulder. "You'll end up doing it eventually." He pulled out Xander's thong and tossed it at him. "When did you make tiny fake stone decorated ones?"

"Three years ago." Xander tossed them onto the baggage, then decided to let the animals out.

"We'll be using a gate across the elevator," Steve told them with a smile. "Just so we don't have any escapees anytime soon." He bowed to them and let the bellhop go first into the elevator. He reached down and pulled the gate out of the wall, hooking it into the opposite wall. "Rest and tell me what's going on later," he called as the doors closed.

"Phew," Ray sighed as he flopped down onto a couch. "Really active day so far."

"And only dinner left," Oz pointed out.

Xander shrugged. "Okay, if you say so." He smiled and grabbed his husband, kissing him hard. "I missed this all day long."

Methos finished releasing all the animals. "There we are." He looked at the assorted doors off the living room. "How many bedrooms are there?"

"Four. I talked to Steve on the way over," Xander reminded him. "They renovated the top six floors when they did this room, when they finally got Jace declared legally dead and her will was enacted. This is the penthouse suite." He waved a hand at the ten doors spread around the room. "Two of those are bathrooms, one of them has the jacuzzi in it, and four of the doors lead to bedrooms. I'm guessing one is a linen closet too."

"Only one way to find out," Ray said as he heaved himself up. "Meth, us with them or not?"

"We'll play it by ear," Oz told him. "Wherever we fall is all good to me." He grabbed his bag and headed for the opposite side, whistling when he saw the room. "Wow, they put in a Xander bathtub." He shook himself free of his dirty thoughts and went to the next one, opening the door to show the built-in bar. "And we're lushes now too." He closed that one and the next one was one of the bedrooms. "This is ours." He tossed his bags in on one of chairs. Xander, stuff?" Xander grabbed his stuff and carried it over, putting it into the closet. Oz watched him unpack everything. "Didn't you bring any other human clothes?"

Xander grinned at him. "I only brought one outfit with me when I came back," he reminded his husband. "I'll go shopping tomorrow." He started on Oz's things, putting them away efficiently too. "Will you go with me?"

"I'll have to go with you," Oz reminded him. "All the cards we have are in my name." He patted Xander's butt as he walked past him to the in-room bathroom. "This is comfy," he noted as he closed the door to use it.

Xander walked back out into the main room, and picked up a puppy to play with. "Just a few more days and we'll be home," he told her. "Then you can run and play in the grass again." He teased the puppy, making her bark.

"Xander, let the poor thing sleep. It's probably exhausted from the flight." Methos walked out and sat near to his former student. "How long were you planning on staying here?"

"Three days," Oz told him. "That way we can check on everything with Steve, make sure all our finances are in order, and Xander can find some decent human clothes."

"Besides, don't you want a vacation?" Xander asked.

"I do," Ray called from his room. He came out in tighter clothes. "Hey, Xan, wanna go hit a table or two?"

"Sure. But I need better clothes before I do," he agreed with a grin. "I only brought one outfit when I came back."

Oz walked out and picked up the guide for the resort. "There's two clothing stores here now," he announced. "One is mens." He handed it to Xander. "Get yourself something and go play nicely." Xander cooed and grabbed him to cuddle, letting the puppy go back to the rest of her friends for their nap. "Thanks. We'll be here. Come back for dinner."

Xander licked up the side of his mate's neck. "Ray, call them and ask them if they're open," he requested, one hand drifting down to play with Oz's stomach. "I think he deserves a cuddle."

"Two outfits," Oz told him. "You can go shopping in LA when we get back." Xander released him.

Ray hung up and nodded. "They're open." He held a hand out. "Money?"

Methos and Oz both sighed but pulled out their wallets and handed over money, and one credit card, to Ray. "We're trusting you to keep Xander out of trouble," Oz told him.

"Yes, dad," Ray sighed, rolling his eyes. "Come on, stud. Let's get you pretty." He hauled Xander up and over to the elevator, making sure the gate was closed properly before they left their husbands alone.

"Finally," Methos sighed. "I think I need a vacation from hyper young men."

Oz snickered. "You and me both. Let them wear themselves out. We'll go enjoy the book fair." Methos nodded so they headed downstairs too, after making sure that they gave Xander and Ray enough time to disappear.

***

Amanda found the boys at a game table a few hours later, smiling at the happiness those two bled into the air. "Hey, guys, you look spiffy," she said in greeting, leaning in to kiss Xander on the cheek. "Get rid of that one," she whispered in his ear.

"Nope," Xander told her, putting his hand down. He loved Baccarat. He grabbed her and pulled her into his lap to give her a hug. "Were you being naughty again?" he teased.

"Me, naughty?" she asked haughtily, but she was smiling. "I'm a good little girl."

"I'm sure ya are, but get off his lap," Ray told her, helping her stand back up. "I'm his official luck and you can't get in the way of the flow."

Xander smiled at the dealer and tapped the back of his cards. "I'm staying." The dealer dealt himself one more, then pushed the pot over to Xander. "Thanks." He flipped the man a fifty dollar chip and scooped the rest into the bucket beside him. He even let Ray carry it for him. "Cashing out or did you want to go play?" Xander asked his buddy.

"I was invited to a poker game I wanted ta get into," Ray admitted. He looked back at Amanda. "You?"

"I was pushed out of the resort and told to go be annoying somewhere else," she said with a shrug. "Steve's a *bit* tense today."

Xander chuckled. "I'm sure he is." He put his arm through hers. "Come on, we'll go cheer Ray on."

"Darling," she whispered, leaning closer. "What about Giles?"

Xander smiled down at her. "I haven't forgotten," he assured her. She backed off some. "But I'm also not in vengeance mode right now."

"Good. Those nightmares were bad." She smacked him lightly on the arm. "Though I guess I deserved them." He nodded. "Then we're even?"

"Until you try something again," he said, holding the door for her. "High stakes poker?" he asked Ray.

"Yup. But I promise I won't take all your winnings," he promised with a naughty grin. "I'm actually kinda good at most poker games." He smiled at the guard. "Hi, I was invited by the floor manager?"

The guard looked him over then nodded. "Fine. Is that your stake?" he pointed at the winnings in Xander's hand.

"No, I'm his sponsor," Xander said nicely. "These are mine, I'm letting him use some of it." He ran a finger down Ray's neck, making him shiver. "He's mine."

The guard smiled and opened the door for them. "Third door to the right please, gentlemen." He looked Amanda over as she walked past him. "Your luck?"

"No, a friend," Xander said with a shrug. "She's going to help me go jewelry shopping later." Amanda looked back at him. "And she's going to be a good girl or I won't help her get past her stuck spot."

"Fine with me," she agreed. She opened the door for Ray, smiling at Xander. "Can I have a prezzie too?"

Xander shook his head. "Not a chance. If you want it, you've got to work for it." He walked past her, following Ray to his seat. He dug into his stash and pulled out a handful of hundred dollar chips. "Here, babe." Ray looked at him. "What?" Xander asked innocently.

Ray sat down and put his stakes in front of him. "Forgive him, he's horny," he told the dealer, who dealt out the cards as soon as Ray had put his chips in.

Xander sat back to wait, watching the dealer's hand. He caught him doing something funny and leaned closer, putting a chip of his own in. "Give me a set too," he demanded. Then he smiled. "Try not to lose the top card," he said once the hand was dealt. The dealer looked shocked, but there was a guard at the door. "He was dealing funny," he told him. He smiled at the manager coming in. "Can we get into a different game?"

"Of course, Mr. Harris. Right this way please," he said, leading them to another room in the hallway. "We apologize for that dealer's stupidity."

Xander smiled. "Not an issue. There's usually one." He let Ray go in the door first, again, and smiled at the men around the table. "Can my Ray join in?" he asked. The guys grunted and the empty seat was pointed to. "Thanks." Xander handed over his stash to his buddy and sat behind him, watching the game start. It wasn't long before someone offered something besides money. "Let me," he requested, looking at the necklace. "Two flaws in the ruby, and one of the diamonds is fake," he announced, handing it back. "Still worth about sixty grand."

The guys at the table looked at him.

"I design jewelry," he told them. They nodded and the necklace was accepted, it's worth written down on a tablet beside the dealer's hand.

Ray wasn't doing too bad, he won every few hands. His pile of chips hadn't changed much, just grown by about two. Then came the big hand. The guy on the dealer's left decided he wanted to lose it all and pushed all his chips into the pot. Ray whistled. "How much is that?"

"Six hundred thousand, four hundred dollars," the guy told him. "Ante up?"

Ray looked at his chips, then back at Xander, who shrugged. "Sure, why not. I'm risky like that sometimes." He pushed the correct amount of chips over, taking some of out the stash to make it all. He accepted his cards and winced. "Ow," he muttered.

Xander leaned in and whispered in his ear, "You win this and I'll suck you off on the ride to the jewelry store, and after."

Ray shifted some and glared at him. "Gee, now I can't think," he complained. But he was smiling. He tossed down three cards. "Three please." The dealer gave him three cards. "A little better." He moved his cards around, three of a kind wasn't that great of a hand, and it was low. Another round of card disposals and he wasn't any better, but the guy that wanted to lose it all was out, after a very colorful curse that had Amanda reaching for some paper and a pen to write it down. Apparently no one was having much luck, the only other player opted out with a sigh. Ray put down his cards and the dealer pushed all the money over to him. "Thanks, guys. It's been fun." He held up the necklace. "What should I do with this?" he asked Xander, letting him carry everything else. Including the matching ring and diamond cufflinks that had been thrown in. Even the car and house slips were stuffed into the buckets for chips.

"I take donations," Amanda said coyly.

Ray looked at her. "I bet you do," he agreed, but he was grinning. "We'll see. My man'll make that decision." He stuffed it back into the most empty bucket. The guard at the door opened it for him. "Thanks, man, how about an escort to cash us out?"

"Of course, sir," the guard said and pushed on his earbud. "We need an escort for a high-roller," he announced. He smiled at Xander. "Someone will be here with you shortly," he told them. He looked at the necklace. "May I?"

"Sure," Xander said, letting him take it out. "It's got a few little problems, but it's a nice piece. Kinda too gaudy for my tastes though."

"I'm sure you'll find something to do with it," Amanda said helpfully. She smiled as a female guard walked up to them. "Hi."

"If you'll follow me, sirs," she said, smiling at Amanda. "And ma'am." She led them away, after the guard gave back the necklace. She waited while they were cashed out, even agreeing to carry the small case the casino gave them for the cash. "Where to now?"

"Car," Xander said with a smile. "We're staying off the strip at a small resort."

"I'm at the writer's convention," Amanda told her. The guard looked at her. "What?"

"Sorry, I mistook your profession," the guard said simply. She waved one of the for-hire cars over. "Take them somewhere," she told the driver, letting them get inside. She handed the case to Xander with a smile. "Please come back sometime and let us win some of it back, sir." She closed the door and stepped back.

Xander giggled as they drove away. "They thought you were a pro," he snorted between laughs.

Ray shook his head and leaned it against Xander's shoulder. "You promised," he reminded him.

Xander handed Amanda the case and leaned down, unbuttoning Ray's pants so he could get at *his* prize.

The driver cleared his throat. "Before you get too involved, where am I going?"

"Oliver building," Xander said, then he licked across the head. "Then we're going shopping."

"Yes, sir," the driver said with a smile. It was going to be a good night for him. He even got a few peeks at what they were doing.

Amanda pulled out her notepad and made notes as she watched them. She forgot all about the necklace and ring, Xander was that good.

***

Xander smiled at the receptionist at the demon bank. "Hi, I need to talk to the person who handles hidden accounts," he said happily. Giving blowjobs always made his day. She called someone and then pointed him at a small office off to the right. "Thank you." He walked in and sat down in front of the small demon - who looked exactly like what you thought a troll would. "I need to check on my accounts since I've been gone for the last three years."

The demon nodded and handed over the papers in front of him. "I knew you were coming," he said at the perplexed look. He smiled, nearly scaring Xander. "Anytime someone like you's in town, we know they're coming in."

Xander smiled at the nice, big amounts in his accounts. "Wow. What about my hidden ones?"

"Third page." The demon leaned forward. "Sir, I do have to inform you that we're going to relieving ourselves of those accounts next month. We would have told you but we didn't know where you were, so we moved all the money you had hidden away, and the two safety deposit boxes you had in New York, into one box in Los Angeles since we know you visit that branch the most regularly."

Xander looked at him. "All of them?" The demon nodded. "I had three boxes in New York and about six accounts. Or seven, I can't remember."

"Those other ones were listed as having to stay there and they're still there," the demon said quietly. "We weren't sure why, but we were ordered to ignore them until you brought them up." Xander nodded. "If I may ask, is there something...dangerous in them if they move out of New York?" Xander shrugged and went back to looking over his accounts. "You don't know?"

"One of the stones was one I was told not to take out of New York," he said with another shrug. "Other than that, I wanted to ignore those things very muchly." He handed them back. "So, most everything is in LA?"

"Yes, sir. For a small fee of five percent I can have the box brought here. It's not that big." Xander shook his head. "No?"

"No, we'll be through there in a few days. We're on our way home." The demon nodded and made a note. "Is there anything I have to do in relation to the move?"

"No, sir. Our President made all the arrangements for you." He smiled again. "Though I must say, some of the stones you had stored in New York were quite beautiful."

"I didn't have any stones left in New York except for that one box," Xander said, his forehead wrinkling. "Five percent?"

"Yes, sir."

"Deal. Bring it to me please." He stood up. "Let me go tell my friends that this is going to take a few minutes." He walked out to the car and leaned in the window Ray opened. "They've moved some of my money around, I'm going to be a few more."

Ray smiled. "Sure. Need help?"

"Not yet." Xander gave him a quick kiss and walked back inside. The box was laying on his desk. "Messenger demon?"

"Teleportation spell. Messenger demons can't get into the underground vault." He opened it with the key taped to the top. "There you are, sir." He picked out a stunning, fist sized diamond. "I think this should cover our fee." And a little more probably.

Xander looked through the box. "Where did these come from?" he muttered. "I don't remember them." He found a letter with his name on it and sat down to read it. "Well, fuck me," he sighed. "Okay. Can I take the box?" The demon nodded. "Thanks. What about the cash?"

"It's been placed into that small white bag," he said, pointing at it.

Xander lifted it out and opened it, wincing at the sight of all the cash. "Shit, Steve's going to kill me." He stuffed it back inside and locked the box, putting the key into his pocket. "Thanks. Anything else I need to know?"

"Just for you to call New York as soon as you can. It's the same number for all of our branches and we'll transfer you to our specialists out there." He shook Xander's hand. "I hope that your wealth makes you very happy."

"It has up until now," Xander sighed as he carried the heavy box out to the car. The driver popped the trunk and he stuffed it down inside. As soon as the trunk was closed he slid in. "They're getting rid of all their hidden accounts so they had to move all my stuff to a safety deposit box," he quietly told Ray. "I'll need to latch onto Steve when we get back and steal him for an hour or so."

"I'm sure he'll be happy to get away from us," Amanda said with a smile. "The convention has been driving him nuts."

"Cool. Then maybe he'll laugh about some of it," Xander said dryly. "Now where?"

"Jewelry shopping," Ray reminded him. "You wanted to get Oz those marking bracelets that you forgot last time."

"Point. The Luxor please," Xander told the driver. "As long as that high-end jewelry store is still in there."

"It's moved to it's own building, sir. I can call ahead for you."

Xander smiled. "Thanks. I left something in their care and I want to pick it up." He leaned back, considering all his options. Oz was going to be so pissed.

***

Xander walked into the jewelry store, giving them a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry," he said at the frown on the manager's face. "I didn't mean to disappear for three years."

The manager 'humph'ed and handed over the small box. "I hope these live up to your expectations." He smiled when Xander gasped. "They are quite pretty. If I may ask, what are they for?"

"For my husband," Xander said with a silly grin. He looked up. "To take the place of a wedding ring." He closed the box and taped it down. "Thank you. Do I owe you anything?"

"No, they've been sitting in our safe." He looked around the quiet store. "Did you need anything else?"

Xander grinned and winked. "Let me get my buddies in here." He popped his head out the door. "Ray, come see." He went back in, walking around the bracelet section. He had lost his last platinum bracelet. "I like these three," he announced, pointing at them. "And this necklace," he said, pointing to something more delicate. "For her, of course," he said when the manager looked at him. He heard Ray's indrawn breath and hurried over to see what had caught his attention. "Wow, it's their symbol. And this," he said, pointing to the small charm. "We'll need an appropriate necklace for a man too." He wandered over to where the loose stones were, humming in appreciation. "And I'll take this case, and that one over there," he said, pointing it out. "Except for the weak green stone." The manager looked at him in shock. "I design jewelry," he told him. "I did the bracelets."

The manager just nodded and went to get the keys for those display cases. His wife would forgive him for being so late. He smiled when he heard the *female companion* with them squeal in delight. "And for the lady?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess so," Xander said with a nod and a smile. "It'll keep her from trying to steal mine." She glared at him. "What? It will."

"Or at least it had better," Ray added.

Yes, the wife would forgive him for being so very late on their anniversary.

***

Oz looked over at Methos, who was chewing on a french fry while they waited for the rest of their food to show up. "You think they're in trouble yet?"

"Probably," he agreed with a faint smile. "How long do you think it took him to head to his bank to check on things?"

"Probably right after they left here," Oz suggested, taking his plate from the waitress, but feeding the extra side of bacon to the puppies under the table. Steve had done a wonderful job with the pet-friendly part of the dining room. "Think they've lost it all at the casino?"

Methos snorted as he took his plate. "Xander?"

"Point," Oz sighed. "Guess we'll have to deal with that too." He took a bite of his sandwich. "This is really good. The chef's definitely making his own mustards and mayonnaise."

Methos nodded, his mouth was full and he was enjoying it.

***

Xander looked through the racks of clothes with a sigh. "There's nothing here."

Ray waved him over. "I found something." He held up a pair of leather pants. "Didn't you used to have a few pair of these?"

"Three actually," Xander said thoughtfully. "Okay, I like those. I'll try them on." He took them and quickly found a shirt to go over them. "We need to head to a more me spot," he said as he walked past Ray to go try on the clothes.

"This is it," Ray reminded him. "Even the bartender at that club said that clothing was slim around here, everyone who could went to LA or ordered online." He followed his buddy to the changing area, waiting on him to come out. "They don't fit?"

"No, they're a bit tight," Xander said as he walked out. "Apparently I've gained more muscle while we were gone."

Ray swallowed hard. "Buy them," he ground out. Xander looked at him. "Buy them," he repeated, not able to tear his gaze away from the sweetness of the leather over that tight body. Then Xander turned around and the view got even better. He didn't know if he'd be able to walk out of there in his condition. "Better yet, wear 'em out," he ordered.

Xander walked back out, pulling back on the shirt. "Okay," he said innocently. He walked up to the salesgirl. "He wants me to wear them out," he told her.

She licked her lips. "I can see why. Let me cut those tags off for you and we'll get you checked right out with a bag for your other clothes."

Amanda walked up to them and promptly dropped the outfits she wanted. "Oh, my god," she whispered. "Now I know why you wear leather." She cleared her throat when she realized Ray was glaring at her. "I wasn't going to touch," she protested.

Xander grinned. "Get her stuff too. I'm feeling generous. It's not often that I look hot enough to make Ray possessive." He lifted his arm, letting the salesgirl get the tag on the sleeve. "Thanks. Ray, wallet?"

"Right here," Ray said, pulling it out of his tight jeans pocket with a slight struggle. Xander walked over and gave him a full body kiss, making him come with a moan. "Much looser now," he panted, "thank you." He handed over the wallet and went to find himself something new to wear. Maybe he'd find an outfit to make him as hot as Xander looked. He doubted it, but he could dream. It didn't hurt anything.

Just as long as no one else got any ideas about taking Xander.

***

Xander got out of the rental car, helping Ray out, and let the guys running for the car carry everything. "Up to the penthouse suite," he told them, tipping them well. "Where's Steve? Oh, I need the silver box." It was handed to him, but Amanda took it from him. "Nope, you go eat. We'll see you later." He took it back from her and headed inside. "Steve?" he asked the receptionist. She pushed the button on her phone and Steve jogged out of the convention room a few minutes later. "Hey, got a few?"

"Take him to my office, I'll be with him in a minute," he ordered one of the guards. Xander carrying a large silver box was probably not good news. He went back to the book stall to get his books. It was probably going to be a long night. Especially with how that boy was dressed.

Xander looked up as Steve walked in, giving him a smile, and not a happy one. "You know about my *other* accounts?" Steve nodded as he sat down. "Well, they're taking away their hidden ones." He patted the top of the box. "I have this and some stuff in New York that may have to stay there."

Steve held a hand out for the key and watched as Xander patted himself down. "In your other pants?" he asked lightly. He knew Xander hadn't walked out of the resort wearing that outfit. It was nearly scandalous and the resort's shops didn't sell leather.

"Yup." He picked up the phone and called the suite. "Hey, it's me. The key's in my other pants pocket. Can you bring it to me?" He smiled and hung up. "Ray'll bring it down. Where are Meth and Oz?"

"Your publisher's here and they're chatting in the convention room," Steve told him. "They've got most of the puppies with them." He smiled as Ray walked in. "That was fast."

"That's because I was unpackin' everything," Ray told him, handing it over. He closed the door and sat on Xander's lap, comforting him. He knew something in there was bothering his buddy and he would make him feel better.

Steve opened the box and stopped to whistle. He looked at Xander. "What did you do to get all the stones you have?" he asked.

Xander cleared his throat. "Do you really want to know?" Steve nodded, looking nearly scared. "I kinda did a turn in a demon brothel for six weeks. But I didn't leave with these. These were apparently given to me after I left and no one told me." He shrugged at the incredulous look. "What? I was very lucky that they liked me."

Steve frowned. "Xander, *everyone* wants a piece of you. Especially when you're dressed like that." He shifted some, trying to ease the discomfort of his own hardness. "I'm just amazed that it was only six weeks."

Xander shrugged. "I was finding myself. That's how I found out I was GHS."

"And met my man," Ray put in.

Xander grinned at him. "Yup, and met the old guy. He was a great teacher."

"*Methos* taught you how to be this way?" Steve asked, his shock getting a little deeper. "He never looks like that, or seems that ... slinky."

Ray snickered. "He is, trust me. Xander's just a whole new level of GHSdom." He kissed Xander on the cheek. "So, what's in there?"

"The white bag has cash," Xander told him. It was held up, it had been torn by the lid. "Or at least it did," he said, taking it to look inside. He frowned and rubbed the necklace he always wore, bringing his brother. "Can these be fixed?" he asked Micah as he appeared.

Micah shrugged and took the bag. "Maybe. Bringing the stuff on the inside back is another matter." He leaned down to give his brother a hug. "Welcome back. How long do we have?"

"Six months," Ray told him, giving him a smile. "How much was in there, Xander?"

"Close to six million." Steve choked. "Sorry." He shrugged.

"I'll see if our house people can fix it," Micah sighed.

"How did you store that much in this little bag?" Ray asked.

"Easy, it held a dimensional portal," Micah told him, his voice dry. "It's a common thing for the demon banks to do." He nodded at Steve. "I'll be back soon, our time's running faster than yours." He disappeared.

Steve looked over at Xander, who was frowning. "Hidden accounts?"

"Stuff I didn't want to look at," Xander told him.

Steve nodded. "All right then, I can understand that." He looked inside the box again, pulling out everything to examine. "Safety deposit box?" he suggested finally. Xander shrugged. "I see. You don't know?"

"I'm kinda on the stunned side myself. Like I said, I've never seen most of that before." He looked over as Micah reappeared, looking a little rumpled. "Problems?"

"The default dimension where the broken portals go to is not a nice place," he told his brother. "But the inhabitants there decided that they'd rather have us on their good side." He leaned down to whisper in his brother's ear. "I suggest you never use those bags again," he said quietly. "The default realm houses our version of the mafia, who also seem to own the banks." He stood back up. "Got me?"

Xander nodded quickly. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Should I write a thank you note?" Micah shook his head. "Thank you," he said, giving him a smile.

"Just stay out of trouble," he chided gently, handing over a small carpet bag to Steve. "This is our version of the bag of holding. We'll use those."

"I have one of those," Xander said happily.

"Now you have a whole set. I dropped them off in Sunnydale." He ruffled Xander's hair. "See you soon, call on me for non-emergency matters please." Xander nodded, giving him a happy smile. "Thanks." He nodded at Steve and disappeared.

"Bag of holding?" Steve asked as he opened it. "Oh. It's bottomless?"

"Nearly," Xander agreed. "I've had one for ages. They're really nice when you're moving. As long as you can put it inside, it'll all fit and won't weigh that much."

Steve put the bag aside. "Good to know. I may have to come borrow some if I ever have to move." He sorted through the stones again, then added the piles of cash to it. "Six million?" he asked, pulling out another bundle from the bag. "We've already run past that amount." He looked at Xander. "You're going to need to hide it better, kid."

"We could always buy a plane and a pilot," Ray suggested cheekily.

Xander pinched him on the butt. "Yes, we could, but your man would get pissed."

"Talk to him about it," Steve suggested. "He might agree." He continued to pull out cash, then decided his arm was getting tired so he upended it onto the desk, and the floor, and his lap. "Holy shit!" he said in awe. "This is closer to sixty billion."

Ray hid his face in Xander's neck. "Brit counting?" he suggested.

"Maybe." Xander shrugged. "The paper said million but my buddy here suggested that they may be using British counting, which doesn't have billions?"

"Maybe," Steve agreed, enjoying being partially buried in money. He blinked a few times. "Did you ever see those cartoons where the rich character swims through their vault of money?" Xander nodded. "I feel like that right now."

"I pay a five percent commission," Xander offered.

Steve laughed. "Yes, you do." He kicked the money to the side so he could move. "And I may be buying a second resort." He got everything counted out and sorted, then made a phone call. He managed to shovel everything but his five percent into the bag of holding and handed it to the guard who walked in. "Put this in the safe for Mr. Harris," he ordered. He looked at Xander. "I'll have a plan for you by tomorrow." He stood up. "Go talk to your publisher, he was anxious to see you."

"Okay," Xander agreed, standing up, letting Ray slide down his body. "Dinner tomorrow or lunch?"

"Lunch." Steve shook his hand then watched them leave. He counted his five percent commission again and dreamed of swimming through it. Maybe if it were in tens?

***

Xander and Ray strode confidently through the convention area, drawing a lot of attention, and quite a few stares. By the time he had found their lovers, he had signed a few books, and a pair of breasts. One of the books had even been his. He smiled at the seller next to his publisher's booth as he took an empty seat behind it. He pulled out his own book from the stack and smiled at the cover. "Nice art," he called, bringing his publisher from the back room. "Want me to sign a copy for you?" A crowd started to gather, mostly teenaged girls. He smiled at the crowd. "I like to sign books," he offered. The crowd grew as the stack of his books, especially his latest, dwindled.

"I'd better get some more out here," his publisher said, hurrying into the back. He stopped to look at Oz. "Your man's here," he told him, smiling broadly. "He's signing books. He looks quite tasty too, it was a great idea to bring the bodyguard." He hurried through his portal to get the other boxes of books. They were going to need them. This was the best he'd ever done. He included some of Xander's other books, just in case, and pushed the dolly back through the portal so he could put them out. The crowd surged forward, all book hungry because they had run out. He opened the boxes on the table and let them get what they wanted, it was safer for him. He looked down at his favorite author. "If I had known you were willing to do this, I'd have called you earlier," he told him.

Xander shrugged. "I was breaking a casino," he pouted. A few women sighed and held their books up to their chests. "Then I went jewelry shopping." A few of the women started to sniffle and Xander looked at them. "I design jewelry," he announced.

"Can we see some?" a girl asked.

"It's high end," Ray told her. "He uses real stones." He held out his hand with his wedding ring. "He made this for me and my man." A few of the women backed off, but a lot came over to look at it, apparently admiring it greatly because they asked Xander about making something for them.

Xander smiled. "I'm setting up a small shop in a few months," he told them. "That way I can disappear into the house and not come out for a few years." The girls all smiled at that. "Now, who wants me to sign something?" The crowd came closer, everyone holding out something. The publisher rang them up, happily humming in tune with the canned music playing over the intercom system.

Oz came out when the last of the girls was getting her book signed and kissed Xander on the top of the head. "Naughty," he scolded. "Did you cause people to get hot?"

Xander grinned up at him. "Me?" he asked innocently.

The girl looked at him, then at Oz, then back at him. "You're gay?" she asked.

Xander nodded. "This is my husband. He hates publicity though."

"That is so cool," she breathed. "Hey, Silly!" she yelled. "He's one of us!" A new girl walked over. "That's how he wrote such very good female characters."

Xander leaned in. "Just wait until October," he told her. "It'll all become really clear where those came from," he said in a near whisper. He leaned back and signed the girl's book for her. "There you go." He stood up and both women looked at his outfit.

Oz's mouth fell open and Ray reached over to close it for him. "Thanks," he told Ray, looking over at him. "Weren't you supposed to keep him *out* of trouble?"

"You said he didn't have enough clothes," Ray said with a shrug, standing up himself to show off his outfit.

Oz swallowed. "Oh, Gods, I'm going to pass out." He walked into the back and grabbed Methos by the wrist, forcing him to stand up and follow him. He pointed at Ray, making Methos' mouth fall open. "And he let Xander go shopping too," he complained.

Methos looked at Xander, then at Ray. He picked Ray up and swung him over his shoulder, striding out forcefully. Ray was his!

Xander grinned at Oz. "That's the look he was going for. Guess it worked." He grinned at the few women standing around.

"Did you ever give women a chance?" one girl asked.

Xander nodded. "Before I found my man, I had a few girlfriends, but it never seemed to click. I guess I'm bi because I appreciate the person more than the wrapping, but he's mine," he said, taking Oz's hand to hold. He put down his pen. "We're going to go upstairs. Come up later if you want to talk," he told his publisher, waving as Oz dragged him out of the convention area. "But I wanted to look at everyone else's books," he complained.

"I got your books," Oz growled. As soon as the elevator door closed, he pinned Xander to the wall and took control of his mouth. "Naughty, naughty Xander. Teasing all those women." He grabbed the hard cock. "And me. I should punish you for teasing."

"I never tease you," Xander panted, his head hitting the wall behind him a few times. "Please, Oz, more?" he begged.

Oz's smile became feral as they stepped off the elevator. He remembered to close the gate, then those leather pants came *off*. He took his man right there on the floor, fortunately someone had left them some lube on a nearby table. It was primal. It was loud. It even brought security running. Oz looked over his shoulder as he pounded into his mate. "Mine!" he growled at them.

"OZ!" Xander screamed, coming with such force that his back lifted off the cold floor and his seed sprayed them both, and one of the guards watching them. He panted and squeezed his mate internally, making him come with a growl and a bite. "Ow!" He swatted Oz. "No biting." He looked at the guards, who he hadn't noticed before. "Um, hi," he said happily. "He liked my new leather pants."

Oz rested his face on the heaving chest under him. "Go away," he told them. "He's fine." He opened his eyes and checked his mate. "And hard again."

"Ray!" Methos shouted from their bedroom. Ray laughed. "Naughty! Bad you!"

Ray walked out of their bedroom and carefully pried Oz off Xander's chest, then took Xander with him. He had something he wanted Methos to watch.

"Mine!" Oz called, hurrying after them. He peeked out of the room. "Close the gate, guys, please." He slammed the door and turned to watch Ray slide himself down Xander's hard cock. "Good show?" he asked Methos, who was panting. Methos nodded, his head hitting the bed hard. "Hmm." Oz walked over and bent down, licking his mate where he wasn't fully engulfed. The man tied to the bed whimpered, but it only got better. Oz was starting to get hard again and Xander's hole was winking at him, begging him for more. He pulled Ray off and pushed him onto the bed, then flipped Xander over and slammed back into him. "Ride him, babe," he ordered.

Xander shrugged and climbed back into Ray's body, making him moan in pleasure. Hey, he was happy, he was giving and receiving, and teasing. It was all good for him. By the time he got off again, both Ray and Oz had some of him, and Methos was begging for release, so he rode his teacher into a coma too. "Yeah, that was great," he sighed as he stretched out next to Methos' limp body, undoing one of the restraints so the man could get free later.

***

After three tries, Oz managed to lift a hand off the bed and grab the phone. He hit the button for the operator. "Food?" he begged. She laughed and connected him to the room service coordinator. "Food?" he asked. He listened to the specials. "Good, yes, that last one with fries, three salads with ranch on the side, one with italian and no onions or we'll never hear the end of it, and something like meat stuffed in flaky bread crust?" He listened as she described a few more things. "Yeah, about ten of those and something to nibble on. Thanks. Penthouse." He hung up and let the phone drop back to the bed. "Dinner's coming," he announced, knowing that someone else was awake but not able to move to see who it was.

Ray groaned as he tried to sit up, managing only to lift his head. "How long?"

"Half hour." Oz grunted as he tried to flip over, managing it and landing on Ray's chest. "Think Xander should have to get it?"

"Xander's not all there yet," Ray told him. He caught sight of something and frowned. "And he's got blood on him."

Oz reached down and ran a finger around the outside of Xander's hole. "Huh. Guess we should probably check him out." He slid a finger inside his husband's body, checking it for him. "Little tear. Need to get him into a bath." He scratched across Xander's prostate, making his mate moan and shift. "Get up and go take a bath. We were too rough." Xander moaned again and pulled away from him, curling up in a little ball. "Come on, you've got to go soak that," Oz ordered. He forced himself to sit up and tap Xander on the head. "Come on, I know you're awake."

"Am not, can't prove it," Xander mumbled.

Oz nudged him. "Babe, you have a small tear. I need you to go soak. We'll bring dinner into the jacuzzi and we'll eat in there, 'kay?" Xander nodded but didn't move. "Now, Xan. Before you stiffen up and it hurts more."

"All right," Xander complained as he climbed out of bed. "I'm feeling old." He trudged that way, ending up answering the elevator. He signed the slip. "If there's anything else coming up, just leave it somewhere high so the puppies can't get it," he told the girl, heading for the big bathroom.

"Yes, sir," she said, trying hard not to stare at him. "Sir, would you like me to call the resort's doctor?"

Xander shook his head. "I'm fine. Just a little sore." He waved. "Talk to Oz." He completed his journey and kicked the puppies and the ferret out of the jacuzzi so he could have it all to himself. He cleaned out the larger clumps of hair then turned on the jets and sighed in relief. One was placed just under him. He smiled as the ferret jumped in to help him, pulling her over so she rested on his chest. "Hey, baby. Daddy's sore." He kissed her on the head and closed his eyes. He could nap. He felt the sharp claws digging up his chest and let her go, smiling when she climbed over his shoulder to somewhere dry. Yeah, it was all good.

Oz walked out of the room, having enough sense to wrap a towel around his waist, and smiled at the young woman still standing there. "Needed it signed?"

"No, sir, but I wanted to check and make sure that he didn't need some sort of medical help," she said quietly. "Steve is very protective of his guests."

Oz nodded. "I know. No, it was just strenuous sex, he's fine." She nodded and got back on the elevator. "Bring the rest up and put it somewhere high enough that puppies can't get to it." He grabbed one of the salads and sat down to eat it, he'd need the energy to go deal with Xander. When he was done, he put the plate aside and finished his trek to the big bathroom, losing his towel and climbing in with his sleeping mate and the brave puppy paddling around in the water. "Hey, you, maybe you should get out," he told the little collie mix, helping it by putting it on the side of the tub. "Go dry off." He curled up on Xander's chest and went back to sleep.

The puppy barked, bringing the rest of them running, and they all climbed into the huge tub to play. One of them got splashed by a foot, but they were all okay and happy. When Ray and Methos came in, they all got out and bounced around their masters' feet, begging for attention.

"You guys smell," Ray told them as he scratched ears. "Go lay down." The elevator dinged. "I'll get it, you rest." He walked back out, grabbing the large tray of food from Steve. "Hey, needed something?"

"No, just a report that I should probably come up and check on you guys. Apparently Xander had some suspicious marks?"

"Yeah, Oz bit 'im," Ray said with a shrug. "It happens sometimes when they play." He put the tray down and grabbed one of the fluffy pastry things, taking a bite of it. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." He smiled as he looked around. "At least you guys don't damage things." He noticed the suspicious stain on the floor and made a mental note to have the cleaning staff treat it in the morning. "Did you guys need anything else?"

"Not unless you got a clue about Xander's unexpected windfall." Steve shook his head. "Not at all?"

"I'm looking at various types of accounts for it. I'll have solid recommendations tomorrow at lunch." He looked around again. "Oh, the book fair people left Oz's books at the front desk, along with yours and Methos'. I'll send them up if you want."

"Give us a few. We're relaxing in the jacuzzi. If we can keep the puppies outta it." He grinned. "Later, man, gotta go snuggle and nap."

"Okay. Just call downstairs whenever you're ready." He got back on the elevator and left them alone.

Ray grabbed a second pastry and meat thing, taking his dinner into the bathroom so he could nibble while he soaked. Man, he was sore. Xander had pounded him *hard*. He slid into the water with a sigh of relief, then had to move suddenly when the water under him moved and clawed. He put down his pastry thing and picked up the ferret to look at it. "That was dumb," he told her. "Go lay down." He put her on the floor and checked before sitting down again. The ferret huffed and walked away with an indignant air.

Ray took another large bite. He'd need it for later. This resort always made Xander horny.

***

Steve looked up as his door was knocked on. "Come." A big man walked in and stood there. "Yes, can I help you?" he asked.

"Sir, one of my...clients earlier lost some of his wife's jewelry to a man staying here. We'd like to see if we can buy it back from him."

Steve sighed. "That would be Xander. Why don't you go sit in the cafe and I'll call them to come down and talk to you." The man nodded and Steve picked up the phone, hoping someone was awake up there. On second thought, he dialed Amanda's number, she'd know where they were, they were probably in her luggage by now. "Amanda, did Ray or Xander win some jewelry earlier?" He frowned. "No, there's someone here who wants it back. He's sitting in the cafe. You don't?" he asked, shocked. She hadn't stolen them yet? "Oh. Well, I guess that explains it then." Xander buying her stuff was a good excuse, he guessed. "Can you go wake one of them up and tell them? No, they're in the tub and I don't need to know that much about them. Thanks." He hung up and put his head down on the desk. Xander and Ray had crossed the mafia. Dear Gods.

***

Xander woke up to someone shaking him. "What?" he asked grumpily.

"Where's the necklace and ring?" Amanda asked him. "The original owners want to buy them back."

Xander nudged Ray with a foot. "Where'd you put them?"

"In the safe." He climbed out and finished his snack on the way to the safe. He pulled all three boxes from the safe and looked inside them, handing her the one with the necklace, ring, and cufflinks. "Give me a few to get dressed." He headed into his bedroom and put back on the clothes he had been wearing earlier, then joined her on the elevator, after shooing puppies away from it. "No, go lay down. You'll get walked in a few minutes." He closed the gate and shut the door before any of them figured out how to jump the gate. "Who is it?"

"Steve just said a big man." She fluffed out her blonde locks. "Apparently he decided that I would know where they were."

"He probably expected ya ta steal 'em," Ray noted, then he yawned.

"Xander wear you guys out?" He nodded, starting to smile. "Can I get a tape? For a story," she finished quickly when he looked at her. "I have a gay couple having sex and I have no idea how gay men do it."

"Easy, the same way a het couple have anal sex only there's two dicks and a prostate involved," he said with a shrug as he walked off the elevator. "Where?"

"Cafe." She followed him in, smiling at the man who stood up to meet them. "Gee, Ray, does this look bad?"

He nodded as he sat down across from the guy. "I'm open to suggestions," he said. Then he smiled. "I'm also going to inform you that I'm a former Detective out of Chicago." The man nodded. "So let's make it fast. My lovers are upstairs."

The man pulled out a check and wrote something on it. "The current worth of the gems," he said as he pushed it over.

Amanda snorted. "Honey, you should have heard Xander." She sat down and opened the box, taking out the necklace to look at. "He was right. This ruby's not worth that much and one of the diamonds is fake." She handed it over. "He found that at the table," she told him when she caught his frown. "You can check the security tape." She picked up the ring and looked it over. "This one's missing a real diamond too," she announced, looking at the cufflinks. "These are still real."

"Those aren't our concern," the man said, smiling at her. "How'd ya know?"

"I'm Amanda," she said, holding out a hand.

"The jewel thief?" he asked. She nodded. "And you hang with a former detective?"

Ray shrugged. "Only for right now. We're friends, but we don't *hang*." He shifted some. "I'll let you change the check if you want."

The man replaced both necklace and ring into the box and closed it. "That's all right. Their rightful owner will be happy to get them back. I'll tell her what you said though." He smiled. "I'm sure she and her husband will be having a discussion about his gambling and the missing stones." He paused before leaving. "Who was that other guy?"

"Xander Harris," Ray told him. "Jewelry designer and author. He and I are buddies."

"Oh. Thank you. I'll tell her about the missing stones." He walked away.

Ray folded the check and put it into his pocket. "Anything else?"

"Not yet," she said with an innocent look. "I'm probably going to be leaving tomorrow."

"We're leaving in a few days for the Sunnydale house." Ray stood up and put a small tip on the table for the waitress who had stayed far away. "I'm gonna go back to my bath." He walked away, leaving her there. By the time he got upstairs, there was a young man standing there with the leashes, trying to figure out what to do with the ferret. "Dog walker?" he asked. The boy nodded so he put the harness on the lone ferret so she could go out too. "They like little places," he warned, watching as the animals left for a while. He checked on their cats, who had chosen an empty bed for their napping spots and were hard at work on that task. "Whatever. Need a litterbox." He looked around and noticed a fake plant, smiling when he saw that some of the hay-like stuff had been moved. "Yup, we need a litterbox." He headed back to the living room, stopping long enough to call down for one from the resort's store, then stripped and went back to soaking with his lovers. "Yeah, this is nice," he sighed as he slid back into the warm water. The elevator dinged again. "Just put it down," he called. A young man walked in and held out the slip, letting Ray sign it. "Thanks, man."

"Sir, we only had the prefilled, disposable ones. I hope that was all right?"

"Even better," Ray admitted with a grin. "Can ya tear open one?"

"I already did. There was a small kitten who came out to meet us and she appreciated it greatly." He smiled and backed out of the room.

"Wow, really fast trip," Oz said through a yawn. "What's up?"

"When I was playin' poker, one guy offered up his wife's jewelry, she wanted it back. Then I called for litterboxes because the cats have used the fake tree in their room."

"Puppies?" Xander sighed, without opening his eyes.

"Puppies and ferret are off bein' walked," Ray told him. Oz looked at him. "The ferret wanted ta go so I put it in a harness."

"Cool," Oz agreed. He shifted over, cuddling up to Ray. "How do you feel?"

"Sore. I forgot what a Xander pounce felt like," he said with a grin. "I think we'll have to take it slowly later."

Oz nodded and closed his eyes. "All good for me. I doubt Xan's gonna want to be on the bottom anyway."

"He heals," Ray reminded him. He felt Oz's smile against his chest.

"Yup, I do, and the lightening feels very odd down there." He opened his eyes. "Food?"

"Living room."

"Thanks." Xander climbed out, managing to not get caught by Methos. "I'll bring the tray in here." He padded out, startling the dog walker coming off the elevator. "That was quick."

"They appreciated it immensely," the boy said with a grin. He handed over the ferret. "She just wanted to visit the front desk and steal a peppermint."

"She likes the color red for some reason," Xander said with a shrug. He searched Ray's pants and pulled out some money, giving it to the kid. "Thanks. Three hours?"

"Of course, sir." He closed the gate and got back onto the elevator.

Xander put down the ferret and grabbed the trays of food, taking it into the bathroom. He laid it on a nearby table then went to the bar to get them something to drink. A bottle of champagne and some ice later, the door to the bathroom was closed and they settled in to enjoy each other.

The puppies sat outside the door and whined.

The ferret snuck onto the elevator when the bed-turn-down lady came up and went back to her pilfering. She'd have a nice nest of the crinkly stuff soon and unborn kits would love it.

***

Ray sat down across from Steve, shrugging when he got a questioning look. "Meth said to come down here and bug you about our accounts to make sure everything was still copacetic."

"They are," Steve told him, turning around to grab a binder from the bookcase behind him. He handed it over. "That's for the accounts he told me about. I had to move some of the interest around so that it wouldn't draw attention from any regulatory agency."

Ray looked over the numbers, then back at Steve. "This is kinda Roman to me."

Steve smiled. "I remember feeling that way before I took accounting and business classes." He picked up a pencil and used the eraser end to point at the book since Ray had put it on the desk. "All the numbers represent millions."

"So that 2.3 is million?" Ray asked, looking a little pale. "We have that much money?"

"In an emergency fund," Steve agreed. He picked up his phone and called the kitchen. "Could I please have a pot of coffee and two cups?" he requested, then hung up. He smiled at Ray. "Don't worry about it. Almost everything's the same as it was." He flipped a few pages. "That's the one I couldn't remember. The city of Paris bought the building his apartment was in for a public works project. I couldn't fight it." He shrugged. "Sorry."

"That's okay. Did you get the stuff out of it?"

Steve nodded. "And I had someone there on site in case he had anything hidden in the walls. So the trunk of books is safely stored in Jace's former storage vault. But I was going to talk to him about that anyway." Ray nodded. He flipped back a few pages, to the beginning. "All right, this is a summary of all the accounts that you have," he instructed. "Each one is a separate account in a different bank, that was your man's idea not mine." He paused as a young woman brought in a tray with a carafe and two cups, along with a sexy smile for Steve. "Thank you, Melody."

"Anytime, Steve, you know that." She winked at Ray and left.

Ray looked at Steve. "You boinkin' her?"

"No, but she's been hinting now for months," he admitted with a smile. "I don't touch the staff, it makes for bad morale." He poured himself a cup of coffee and handed everything over to Ray, he had more room on his side of the desk.

"So, we're really rich too? Like Xan and Oz are?"

"Methos has done some wonderful planning through the ages," Steve told him. "Somehow he even managed not to lose it all in 1929." He shrugged. "Other than that, it's a good thing that he understands all this. He made some very interesting plans."

"Yeah, he's real careful," Ray agreed. "But I can't see the point in me doin' this."

Steve looked at him. "Ray," he said quietly. "A long life isn't guaranteed by what Methos and I are. There's still the chance that he'll die tomorrow in a fight." He stopped at the shudder. "I'd guess that he wanted you to know how and where you stood on the money issues in case something happened to him." Ray nodded and put down his coffee cup. "Sorry to bring you down, but it will happen sometime."

Ray sighed. "I know. I'm tryin' ta block it outta my head, but I know he's still able to die. But then again, I'm also bound to Xander and Oz."

"Which means that you might have millennia more to go on," Steve agreed. "In which case, you need to know about this stuff and where it is. It's the best way for Methos to protect you, knowing that you'll be protected in the future."

"Okay." Ray leaned forward. "So, all these are his accounts somewhere?"

Steve smiled and picked back up his pencil to use as a pointer. "Each one of these is a separate account in some foreign country. I've listed the ones in the United States together at the end, which is on the next page."

***

Oz flopped down next to Steve. "How're we doing?"

"Fine. Your interest income grew steadily by five percent while you were gone. I had to sell the stocks to one of your more questionable companies when they started to tank. Everything else is set up. Your emergency accounts are all in place. Everything's set in Canada and Sunnydale. Did you want to cede the house in Florida to Giles?"

"Personally? I'd like to see a hurricane come by and take it out with him in it," Oz said honestly. He glanced around. "No funny quirks in Xander's income?"

"Well, for that, you're going to have to talk to him," Steve said with a grim smile. "He got a surprise the other day and he wasn't too happy about it."

"Wondered why he was brooding. How's he doing otherwise?"

"Everything's stable and growing." He ate a bite of his danish. "This is much easier than having to explain all this to Ray last night."

Oz nodded. "Meth decided to be sly and tell him without letting him stress over it. He was stressing over being back in the game after three years absence." He looked at the other man. "I'm guessing that you reminded Ray that we could lose though because he was hyper cuddly last night." Steve nodded. "Thanks. Can you remind Xander?"

"I doubt he needs it, Oz. He's very aware that you guys can lose at any time. It's one of the reasons he's so protective of you. It's probably why he took up fighting lessons." Oz sighed and rolled his eyes, but he relaxed. "He loves you, man, you've got to get used to it."

"I am," Oz agreed. "Just thinking about him jumping into my next battle."

Steve snickered. "I doubt that you'll have one anytime soon. According to some sources, there's only been one fight in the last three years and it was in Europe between an asshole and a wannabe MacLeod."

Oz grunted. "Great." He sat up again. "No other issues?"

"Just get Xander to talk to you. Or possibly Micah, he usually seems to know what's going on in your man's head."

"Point." Oz stood up. "Coolness. We'll be going tomorrow, back to Sunnydale since it was suggested. Then, after everything calms down, we'll be disappearing." He waved and walked away.

Steve took another bite of his breakfast and smiled. Those two couples were so easy to deal with. If only the other immies he handled money for were that easy to deal with.

***

Oz flopped down on the couch beside Xander. "What sort of problems did the demon bank drop on you this time?" he asked.

Ray tugged Methos up and led him into their bedroom, closing the door to give the other couple some privacy.

Xander looked at his mate. "Just a few big ones. Did Steve nark?" Oz nodded. "But he didn't tell you what?"

"Nope, he just suggested that I come be a sounding board so you could vent."

"Oh." Xander put the half-finished manuscript aside and turned to face his husband. "The demon bank is getting rid of their hidden accounts." Oz nodded. "And I found out I had more than I should."

"How?"

"Um, that's the part that's been frying my brain. Devi, apparently, left me half interest in the brothel. The other owners have been depositing the money into an account for me, and the demon bank decided to put it into my hidden accounts." Oz nodded. "And I can't get hold of anyone over there to protest and argue."

"Huh." Oz gave him a hug. "We'll stop through in LA and see if we can find them and make them take it from you." He let his man go. "Wanna go swim in the pool?"

"Actually, I was going to go down to the salon and get them to look at my white streaks. They're starting to look dark," Xander told him, lifting up some of his waist-length hair to show the streaks off. A chemical accident had given him the white streaks and he had grown to like them once the other side effects had worn off. "I was also going to get some idea about what to do with this mass once we had to change identities."

Oz fingered some of the soft strands. "Dye it blond."

"Go red!" Ray yelled from his bedroom.

Xander snickered. "We'll see." He leaned his head on Oz's shoulder. "Thank you for not yelling."

"Nothing to yell about. If you had known about it and not told me until now, I'd be screaming." He patted the firm thigh. "You really have gained muscle mass."

"Yup." Xander snuggled in and closed his eyes. "Hold me?"

"Sure." He shifted so Xander was resting on his chest, comfortable on the large couch. He waited until Xander was asleep to touch the messenger pendant his husband always wore. "Hey," he told the messenger. "I need you to take a message to his brother. Tell him that Devi decided to screw him again, just like he thought he would." The messenger nodded and disappeared. Oz settled in to wait. There was no telling what Micah was in the middle of.

***

Amanda plopped herself down next to Xander, interrupting what Steve was saying. "I think I'm going to stay around for a few more weeks. This place has been great for my writing."

Steve smiled at her. "As long as you pay your bills and don't invite another convention over on short notice," he agreed. She glared at him and his smile just got brighter. "Fine, whatever. Don't charge the card number I gave you. I'll give you a better one in a little while." She played with a lock of her hair. "So, what was with the big silver box anyway?"

"Unexpected complications," Xander told her. "Steve's being nice enough to fix it for me."

She sighed. "Okay, I'll take the hint, but I need your help with a plotline and you're the only writer around here that I know and trust." She stood up. "I'll expect you in about half an hour?" Xander nodded and she left them alone.

"Now I know why Joe warned me about Hurricane Amanda," Steve muttered. Xander heard it and laughed. "So, anyway, I've got everything set up to put that money into a few investment accounts with checking privileges. The rest I deposited in your usual shopping and backup checking accounts, which I filled when I heard you were coming back for good. Oh, and D'Nalia called me. Henri's handing in her retirement forms the day you come home."

Xander sipped his coffee. "I figured as much. She's getting kinda old and she probably has stuff she wants to do besides take care of me." He shrugged. "I'll miss her, but we've created a retirement account for her and D'Nalia already."

"Good," Steve said with a smile. "Will it hold?"

"I did it back when she had her heart attack. I put a mil away in an interest bearing, low risk account out of our normal bank in LA. They thought it was a sweet gesture." He finished his coffee and put the mug aside. "Now what?"

"Forms." Steve opened his briefcase and handed over the forms. "All for you."

Xander smiled as he signed each of the forms, until the next-to-last one. "What's this?"

"Your statement that you've read Jace's will and agree to the stipulations." He looked around, letting Xander read. "She left the resort to the group, so named as most of us. She did ask that I take control of the daily management, but you and Oz, Meth and Ray, Richie and Giles, are all listed as the new ownership board. The State Review board didn't ping on any of you so it's all good. Also, her collection of dildos has become your responsibility. The judge nearly choked when he saw that clause so I had to produce pictures." He smiled, but he was blushing slightly. "He was very interested in that one sapphire one. But she took her favorites of them with her."

Xander nodded and signed the form. "Nothing that'll come back and bite me on the ass?"

"Not really. Everything was straightforward and I know she's popped in to look a few times."

"You believe in angels visiting?" one woman asked as she walked past them.

Steve looked at her. "Not really, but I believe that sometimes spirits can come back. She keeps rearranging my desk," he told her dryly. She smiled and left them alone. He looked at Xander, who was smirking. "She does." He shrugged. "Anyway, everything's good to go. Sign the last form and I'll deal with it."

"Yes, why do you have control over my fortune should something happen to me?" he asked, holding up the form. "Shouldn't that be Oz's form?"

"Yes, but what happens if you have to disappear at the same time?"

Xander sighed. "Point." He folded it up and put it in his pocket. "I'll send it to you later, after I talk to Methos."

Steve nodded, having expected that. Xander didn't know that much about him and he wasn't as close as Ray and everybody to him. Besides, that amount of money under his control, with easy access to loose cash, could be quite a temptation. Even for him. "Whatever you feel is best," he told him.

"Cool." Xander leaned over and hugged him. "Thanks, Steve. I'm going to go help Amanda." He left the room, the puppy following him at a run.

"Xander, dog," Steve called after him. He watched as Xander looked down and realized he had brought one of the puppies down, and grabbed the leash. The young looking man waved and they disappeared into the resort. Steve sighed, that boy sucked the strength from you with his hyperactivity. He didn't know how Oz did it, Oz always seemed like such a low energy sort of guy anyway. He finished off his lunch, he rarely got a quiet one these days, but he wouldn't trade it for anything.

***

Oz followed Micah through the temporary portal, nodding at the demons standing around. They were all small, and trollish, but all of them looked very hard to kill.

"You dare bring one like him here?" one of the demons said angrily.

Oz shrugged. "I'm Xander Harris' mate." The demons all backed off. "Yeah, and since you guys are upsetting him, we're going to have a talk." He pulled his sword and put it on the table, then sat in front of it. "Since all of you have upset my mate by stupidly giving him more money from something that he hates, I think you ought to reconsider it."

"You threatenin' us?" another demon asked, sitting across from him.

"No, I'm doing this calmly and rationally. If I had threatened you, one of you would already be dead." The demons carefully took seats, staying as far away from Oz as possible. "Now then, let's get down to business. What will it take for you guys to leave my mate alone?"

"He's human, he'll die," the second demon suggested lightly.

Oz smirked. "He's my *mate*. He's as immortal as I am, and as immortal as my teacher is."

"Yeah, which one are you anyway?"

"Theodonius," Oz said simply. The demons backed off a little more. "Now known as Oz." He looked around. "Do we have a problem with that?" They all shook their heads. "Good. Then leave my husband alone." He stood up. "Next time, I'll *be* threatening." He put his sword up and nodded at Micah. "Come on, faithful brother-in-law."

Micah bowed nervously toward the head demon. "Thank you for your patience."

The head demon stepped up. "It will be done, young man," he told Oz. "We didn't want to upset him. We've been using his name and it's drawn amazing profits."

"Yeah, but he doesn't want to be associated with that life anymore," Oz told him. "He's over it. Has been for a very long time." The head demon nodded. "Thank you." He walked through the reopened portal, letting Micah follow him. Once they were back in the hotel room, Oz looked at his brother-in-law. "Gee, they weren't nearly as bad as dealing with the human mafia."

Micah stared at him in shock. "Oz! Those are the cruelest, coldest, meanest demons we have outside of our insane ones!"

"They seemed reasonable enough," he noted with a shrug. "As long as they stop, I won't tell Giles about them doing this to Xander." Micah went paler. "Do you need to sit down?"

"Micah," Xander said happily as he got off the elevator. "Why are you here?" He hugged his adopted brother. He pulled him down onto the couch to sit next to him. "Is there a problem?"

"No, I wanted to talk to him about what Devi had done," Oz told him, reaching over to pat him on the knee. "He said he can make them stop."

Xander squeezed Micah as hard as he could. "Thank you! You are *so* great!" He let Micah go when he squeaked. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, kid," Micah said, giving him a smile. "Anything for you, you know that." He petted the puppy trying to jump into his lap. "You're active."

"We just went for a stroll through the resort. He pooped on Amanda's mink jacket."

"Ouch, she's gotta be pissed," Oz muttered.

"She doesn't know yet," Xander said with a smirk. "We kinda left before she found out." He scratched behind the soft ears. "Yup, we had an accident. A nasty one." He handed the puppy to Oz. "You might want to tell Ray that they want to go to the vets." He looked at his brother. "So, what else is new? How's Elizabeth?"

"She's fine. She's found a young demon of a rival clan that she finds quite nice. They're planning on getting married." He shrugged. "I don't personally like him, but he's the heir to his clan so it's more than acceptable from the family point of view."

"But she's happy?"

"She's very happy. He makes her laugh and sing."

"That's great," Xander said with a grin. "I'll have to get her a present."

"She's registered at Sears. Her chosen is a constructing demon. It's mostly power tools."

Oz snorted. "I didn't know you guys had demons like that."

"You thought we magicked up all our buildings?" Micah asked. Oz nodded. "Not all types are that attuned to magic. We even have some that can't do any at all. Constructor demons are very highly thought of, and usually quite wealthy. There's never enough to fulfill all the demands that the rest of us make." He squeezed Xander's arm. "I've got to go. I'll see you later, once you're home?"

"Sure. Invite me to the wedding and I'll come. As long as it's not in October or right before it." His brother shook his head. "Then it's all great and I'll be there. We'll catch up."

"Good." Micah gave him a hug and stood up, then shook Oz's hand. "I'll see you later too." He opened a portal and left them alone.

"Wow," Oz said, lifting an arm so Xander could cuddle. "We'll stop by in LA on the way home and get them some of their bridal registry." Xander nodded and sank against his side. "You feeling okay?"

"Just a little tired still. I guess it's from the stuff that was in the air off world, that caffeine and chocolate acting stuff." He yawned. "I agree with the puppies, we should nap."

"Okay, we'll go nap," Oz agreed, sliding the sleeping puppy off to the side so he could help Xander up. They went to lay down together, the lack of that happy air was making them both tired.

***

Giles looked up as the door was knocked on. He left the study and headed out to answer it, smiling at the mundane messenger standing there. "Yes?"

"Rupert Giles?" The man asked. Giles nodded. "Sign here please," he said, holding out a clipboard.

"If I may, what is this about?"

"It's a delivery from the Council, sir," the messenger told him. He watched as the older man signed it. "Thank you, sir. The High Council wanted you to have an updated book of happenings and this letter." He pulled them out of his pouch and handed them over. "Your sister-in-law also asks that you write to her now that you're back." He bowed and stepped back, then turned and ran for his rental car. He wasn't sure who this guy was, but he was scary.

Giles closed the door with a kick and unwrapped the book, smiling at it. "Thank you, love," he called to the thin air. "I've been wanting this." He sat down on the couch and opened the letter. "Oh, my," he said with a smile after reading it. "I know what I can do to help my love now." He smiled at the ceiling, a chilling smile. "That's just perfect. Thank you very much, love." He stuffed the letter in the book and headed back to the office. He was writing his sister-in-law a letter it seemed.

***

Amanda's scream echoed down her hall. "That dog!" she shrieked as she ran out of her room. She headed right down to Steve's office. "I want them!" she demanded.

Steve looked at the messed up coat and shrugged. "They left earlier," he told her. Her eyes narrowed. "Really, Oz and Xander wanted to go home. Everything was set up and they hadn't seen the boys in a long time. They went home."

"Fine," she spat. "Then I need this cleaned."

Steve nodded and escorted her to the front desk. "Bag it," he told the clerk. "Send it out to be cleaned please." He smiled at the clerk. "Apparently one of our four-legged guests decided to be naughty with her jacket." The clerk bent down and grabbed a bag from under the desk and handed it to Amanda, then took the bag and stapled a notice to it. "Thank you, Herman." He smiled at Amanda. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Amanda gathered herself back together. "Not if they've left." She stormed off.

Steve picked up the phone and called the penthouse. "Stay up there," he told Ray. "Amanda just found out her jacket had gotten a tad bit messed up by a puppy." He laughed. "Sure." He hung up and looked at the clerk. "There's a ferret loose in the resort. If you find her, she lives up in the penthouse and she likes the peppermint bowl."

Herman pulled out the ferret from under his desk and handed her over. "She nipped me earlier when I told her she couldn't have any more," he explained. He heard her hissing and squeaking and looked down. "Oh, dear, sir." He pulled out the whole drawer and handed it over. "I'll get more of the forms from the storage room," he said, handing the nest to his boss.

Steve carefully put her back in there with her babies and sighed. "Well, it's a first," he said happily. He carried the drawer over to the elevator. "You'll get a new one tomorrow," he called back.

"Thank you, sir."

Steve rode up and handed the whole drawer to Methos, who had come at the ding. "She wanted privacy," he said, starting to laugh. "My guys are so straight, he didn't even blink when he found the poor babies on his forms."

Methos chuckled. "Good. Xander!"

"Sleeping," Ray reminded him, coming out of their room to look down in the drawer. "So *that's* why you wanted the crinkly stuff." He scratched the top of her head. "Good for you." He took the drawer and snuck it into Xander and Oz's bedroom, putting it near the daddies. "There we are." He turned and found Oz looking at him over Xander's shoulder. "Babies. Steve's desk guy didn't even flinch when he found them dirtying up the desk." He waved and left, making sure to close the door.

"Huh," Oz said, laying back down. "That's cool."

Ray hugged his lover, waving at Steve. "So, we're stayin' up here *all* night?"

"Yes, imp, all night." He turned and grabbed his man, carrying him into their bedroom. He had something he wanted to show him.

They're Here!

Late one night, October seventh to be exact, a large black shape was seen in the air above New York. A few people saw it, and some of those that did actually called the cops, or the news stations. Neither of which answered those calls of course, no decent, thinking alien would come to New York. Or so they thought. So when the ship landed in Central Park, it caused a little bit of confusion. Those who knew it was coming put on their best dress uniforms and barely beat CNN to the site. They waited around and eventually the black ship had a hole open in its side and a small creature walked out. It looked like a child.

"Can you please tell someone that the Queen requests to talk to someone?" the little girl said, smiling cutely. "She said she finds you all very interesting and would like to start a long-term friendship if you're nice people." Then she scampered back into the ship and it closed back up again.

The people looked at each other. Surely someone wouldn't send a cute child out if they weren't harmless. So the Police Chief stepped up and cleared his throat, making a statement to the press about how they would handle this if everyone would stay calm and away from the ship for a bit. Someone had already called the Pentagon and the White House of course, and the politicians were already on their way up. Everything would be fine and there was no cause for alarm. Those that knew the man saw the certainty in his eyes and did as he said. The rest, well, the few fanatics did go find blank signs and painted slogans on them, but the police kept them a little ways away while the press people got everything that they could. It was noticed that tents were being put up in the next clearing, gotten to by a little path, and most major media outlets sent someone over there to cover that area too. An outdoor gathering with an alien? They'd have to see what became of it.

***

Xander stepped up to the dias, right behind the official from the State Department who had been in on the negotiations. He smiled as the door opened and a slim young woman stepped out. His breath caught, it wasn't who he was expecting, but he remembered how much the sun bothered her so whipped off his sunglasses and offered them to her. "Siblinth," he said quietly. "Welcome."

She smiled at him. "I'm sorry to change the plans, but I had to come."

"Where's your mother?" the State Department official asked, making sure he was turned so that no camera could catch him so no one could read his lips later.

"My mother just died," she told him. Xander gave her a hug. "Thank you." She squeezed him. "It was a trade dispute. She was assassinated."

"I'm sorry," the State Department official said, holding out his hand. "Welcome to the United States of America." He turned to look at the crowd. "This is Queen Siblinth. She wants to talk to someone more official." He got out of the way and Xander offered her a hand to help her down the stairs. Her skirt was trailing on the ground behind her and he didn't want her to trip. "If you'll come this way," he requested. He led her past all the major media outlets, stopping when one jumped out in front of them. "Yes?" he asked.

"Can you please spell your name?" he asked.

"S I B L I N T H. Does that help?" she asked with a smile. He nodded. "Thank you for your consideration. I know some people who had trouble spelling it." She nodded to him and walked on, carrying herself regally.

"Who was the child last night?" one woman yelled.

Siblinth stopped and looked at her. "That was my First Wife's daughter. Her name is Kiara. She's adorable and begged the right to come out and talk to someone." She smiled. "I've already adopted her as my legal heir." She moved on, her nails digging into Xander's arm so she didn't scream with worry. So much was riding on this meeting and it was her first real official act as Queen. She smiled at the two men standing up to meet her. "Hello." She held out her hand, human style. They each shook it and bowed to her. "Thank you." She sat down on the indicated chair and waved to them to sit too. "May we talk?"

"Of course we may," President Bartlett told her. He pointed at his successor. "This is President Hubers. He'll be taking my office in a few months. Is it all right that we included him?"

"An easy transfer of power is always better than an assumption," she noted lightly. A few of the people standing around chuckled. She smiled at this other man. "Are you going to be a just ruler?"

He cleared his throat. "I can only hope so. I know that President Bartlett has set a hard precedent to follow, but I'm going to try." He smiled at her guards. "They could sit down too."

Xander sat down behind Siblinth and to her right, showing that he was there to serve her. The State Department official sat down next to his people, showing that he was there for them. Siblinth reached back and patted Xander's hand. "I enjoyed very much meeting with this one. He told me much about you." The new president looked at him and he shrugged. "He did what he did to ease some fears."

President Elect Hubers nodded. "So I can tell." He smiled at Xander. "I take it that you were the author of those books then?" Xander nodded. "Thank you. They were quite entertaining."

"I merely wrote down what they told me to," Xander said with a faint smile. "They have a fascinating history." He smiled and stood up as Sam Seaborne walked in carrying a tray. "Tea?" he asked hopefully.

"And coffee," he said, putting the tray between the two camps. "Queen Siblinth," he greeted with a smile. "If you need an interpreter, we have people who are already waiting to learn your language." She laughed and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you, my Lady." He backed off. He looked at the President. "Josh has already called someone at Food Network to borrow their kitchen, sir," he told him. "Take as long as you want to talk things over." He backed away and left them alone.

Xander kissed Siblinth on the cheek. "I'll leave you alone also."

"Please go check on my wife? She was getting ready." He nodded and headed back to the ship. She looked at the men. "Now that the non-politicians are out of the way, shall we get down to business?" she asked with a smile.

The men both nodded and the talks began.

Xander tapped on the door of the ship, smiling at one of the press people who had gotten under the police line. "Back up," he told him. "Now." The door opened and he looked up at the most stunning looking young man. Pale skin, dark lashes and hair, amber eyes. Skinny but muscled, like most of Siblinth's people liked. Beautiful specimen. "The Queen wanted to know if her wife was ready, First Husband."

The First Husband smiled. "You're assuming."

"Only the First Husband would open the door," Xander told him, starting to smile again. He was going to like this guy. "Is she ready?"

"We both are." He got of the way, letting a slightly older woman walk out in front of him, carrying her daughter. "She's napping," he told Xander.

"That's fine. The path is smooth to the meeting area." He nodded at the ship. "You might want to close it until you're willing to give tours." The door was closed behind them. "Come on, I'll lead you there and then leave you alone." He led the way, ignoring the press. Siblinth could answer all their questions easily and later. He showed them into the tent and then disappeared into the crowd, going back to his hotel room. There was already a message waiting on him from the old President's staff, congratulating him on doing so well. He stuffed it into his pocket and went to go hide. He'd have another part to play later on.

***

The Pentagon officials all stood together in a group, watching the interplay on a monitor, commandeered from one of the press crews. "That's Siblinth," General Hammond said quietly. "It was supposed to be her mother. I wonder what happened?"

"From what her lips said earlier, her mother died due to an assassination over a trade issue," the female reporter said as she walked in. "How did you know?"

General Hammond looked at her. "Mr. Harris contacted the proper people when he got the offer from them. Who're you?"

"April O'Neill." She smiled. "I don't want to record it, just know some things so I can get a scoop on the later events."

"They'll be eating outside, in that tent, so that no one can insinuate that the Presidents are being controlled," he told her. "They're nice people."

She nodded. "Thank you. Is the press going to be allowed to talk to them?"

"Soon enough," the Joint Chief told her. "Please go away now."

"Hey, as long as you don't damage our equipment, we're fine," she told him, staring him down. She wasn't afraid of him. "Just these two locations?"

"Food's being prepared at that cooking show channel's home," another general told her. "Go bother them, Ms. O'Neill." He looked at Hammond. "Is she a relative to one of your men?" General Hammond nodded. "Thought so. She reminds me of him."

"Jack? He's working for you?"

General Hammond looked at her. "Maybe. Why?"

"Can you please tell him to call me. One of our Aunts just died and she left him some pictures." She waved and walked away.

"Small world." The Joint Chief leaned closer. "What are they talking about now?" He turned up the sound. "Oh, children." He snorted. "Wonderful. I knew Bartlett got off the point, but really, sir."

A woman cleared her throat. "We've noticed that trait in a lot of leaders, it's a stalling tactic so you can judge your verbal opponent," she said quietly. The flaps around the tent they were in closed and were tied off. "It's nice to meet someone who does my job." She held out her hand. "I am Joquan, the head of my Queen's military. I was told that you would wish to talk to me instead of my Queen?"

General Hammond smiled at her. "Joquan, how are you?"

"Quite fine, Hammond, and yourself?"

"Been better. I haven't slept in days over this." He smiled and pointed at his bosses. "These are the heads of most of our military; the other is at home for security reasons. Our Air Force, our Navy, and our Army Chiefs of Staff." They all saluted her and she laughed in delight. "Generals, this is Joquan, who does what she says. They've got some pretty impressive ships. How long did it take you to get here?"

"About a day or so," she said with a shrug. "We took the official ship, which is slower of course." She walked over and sat down. "Come, let me put your minds at ease. I have no want of your brains or your bodies."

The Army's top general looked shocked for a moment, then burst out laughing. "You read some of our alien contact books?"

She nodded. "When Mr. Harris mentioned that there was a split opinion about what would happen, I took the opportunity to read all that I could. I find your Star Trek universes quite amusing actually." She waved a hand at the chairs. "Shall we?"

They sat down to talk military and weapons, impressed with her knowledge.

***

By noon, one person had figured out who Xander was and was calling for his books. Fortunately, she was in the field and others heard her. There was a rush by assistants to the nearest bookstores, except for one of his fans, who had read them all at least twice. She sat down with her boss and explained everything that she remembered to her. It took a few hours, but by the end, other reporters were listening in while their assistants read.

"Why didn't they announce this then?" one reporter asked, frustrated with her government.

"Because we would have had a long time to panic," the original reporter's assistant told her. "Giving us a slice of their history, and not all the good and noble parts, gave us a good view of them. For those people who figured it out, they're already one up on everybody else when it comes to dealing with these people and they know that there won't be any brain stealing, baby eating, woman raping atrocities going on. It was an inspired plan." She smiled at her boss. "I still haven't gotten my copy of the sixth book. It's on back order. I've heard about it though."

"Hold on," another assistant called. "I just saw a mention of slavery."

The first assistant poured herself some water. "They use it as an alternative to the death penalty, historically speaking. We should probably ask about that now."

The reporters all sighed when they saw who had just pulled up. "Great, Walters is here. Who wants to bet she gets first interview?"

Another snorted. "I bet she's already had one. Oh, here she comes." He stood up straighter. "Ms. Walters. How nice of you to join us."

Barbara smiled at them. "You're right, I already had one, with her mother." All the reporters in hearing distance stopped and looked at her. "Any idea where her mother is?"

"Dead. Lip readers said that the girl said her mother died recently. Assassination."

"Hm." Barbara confiscated a chair and sat down. "I'm not here to steal your thunder. ABC already has an affiliate down here. I'm here to tell you what I know about them for later. Someone called and mentioned that doing so might give them some breathing room later." She looked around. "By the way, they do have security systems on the ship."

"Who was the woman with the red hair that Josh Lyman led away?" one reporter asked. "She looked like she was in a uniform."

"That was probably their military liaison," another reporter told her. "They're shacked up with O'Neill's equipment."

Barbara nodded. "Probably. I've only met the former Queen. Nethisha." Some of the reporters scribbled the name down. "She was quite nice. I really want to talk to one of the telepathic cats, but it won't be picked up by the recording devices we use." She shrugged. "Is there anything I can tell you?" She smiled at the one assistant. "Read them all?"

"All but the last one, it's on order." She handed over a spare glass of water. "We're in for a wait. They're talking children."

"Why does she have a man and a woman in attendance?" a male reporter, known for his arrogance and sleeping around without passion, asked.

"Because they have marriages with both sexes and all spouses are allowed to have children," Barbara told him. "That's probably her First Wife and First Husband. Her First Wife deals with her business interests. The First Husband deals with the family and any publicity for the family. Get to know him very well, you'll be hearing from him more than anyone else." She sipped her water. "How many people went over to Food Network?" A grumble sounded. "No one?"

"They wouldn't allow reporters in, but they're taping for us," a female reporter told her. She must have been up and coming, Barbara didn't know her. "They've got some of their chefs working hard."

Barbara smiled at her. "Good. Hopefully we won't serve them anything poisonous." A few faces fell. "But I'm sure they have their own medical people." She clapped her hands and stood up. "Can I clear up anything else?"

"When is your interview airing?"

"Five days from now. Then Leno gets her from what I hear." She smiled and headed back to her SUV, leaving them to the grunt work.

The reporters looked at each other, then broke out in cheers. This was a *good* thing, a *great* thing. They had aliens that were good! Anyone who could stayed inside the tent to talk and share ideas, everyone else had to go back into the afternoon sun and tape boring updates.

***

The present President stepped up to the podium and a hush fell over the crowd. He smiled. "Queen Siblinth extends her greetings to you all and would be willing to answer a *few* questions in a moment. Before that, let me say that this has been a good meeting. We have similar interests and can seemingly work together."

A young man jumped out of the crowd. "How do we know she didn't mind-whammy you? They're telepaths."

Jeb Bartlett looked down at him and smiled. "Because they're ethical enough not to do that. They told us which people were telepaths already." He looked around, then back at the man. "If you want, there will be a general education seminar at the end of the week at NYU with an anthropologist who's been studying them since the books came out." The man's mouth dropped open. "It's free and open to the public, and he's willing to add more lectures if needed. I suggest you get in touch with NYU now though as there's probably a limit on how many seats are open." The man was pulled back into the crowd. "As I was saying, the aliens are peaceful, they're nice, and they're more than willing to not interfere with our politics unless there's something that they can't stand, then they said they'd protest," he added with a smile. Most of the crowd sighed in relief. He got out of the way so the President-Elect could take the microphone.

"You know Bartlett and I don't agree on much, but they are very nice people." He grimaced, or tried to smile, one of the two. "There's no need to panic and picket. They want to set up formal diplomatic relations and realized that New York was the best city to do that in." A cheer went up from the New Yorkers in the crowd. "They've offered to trade with us and teach us about their people and the other people that they trade with." Everyone stood still. "No, they're not alone, they're part of a bigger Empire, but the others are waiting to see how we handle this before jumping in and talking to us." A few people nodded. "They are cautious people, have no fear of that, and they don't want anyone to think that they're here to take over. As a matter of fact, they've spent the last few months reading our fantasy literature to see what we thought of aliens. They said to congratulate those who made Star Trek and a few of the others." That got a laugh. "Tonight, we'll be having a picnic here, to alleviate any cause for alarm like that one young man had. We're doing this out in the open so that nothing is hidden. This is too momentous an occasion to mess it up with secrets and lies."

"Then how did they contact Mr. Harris?" a male reporter yelled.

"I don't know. President Bartlett?"

"They contacted someone else first and they suggested Mr. Harris," he said, just in range of the microphone.

"Can you repeat that, sir?" someone yelled.

Bartlett stepped closer. "They contacted someone else first, someone who was watching and waiting for alien contact. That person suggested Mr. Harris." He smiled. "Frankly, I think he did an amazing job taking down their favorite history and putting it out for us."

"Is that why those books said 'as retold by'?" a young woman yelled. Bartlett nodded. "Makes sense at least. He didn't claim they were his."

"Mr. Harris has been a great help," President Hubers told them. "He's given us a lot of insight and even suggested that we do this in the open so you could all see what was going on." The crowd started talking among themselves.

Siblinth and her First Husband stepped up onto the podium. "If we may?" he asked. Both presidents got out of his way. "I am Moracaman, First Husband to Siblinth. It is custom among our people that I speak for my family in all matters. In this though, my wife wants to make a statement." He got out of her way, but didn't let her hand go.

Siblinth stepped up to the microphone jumped when it squealed, turning to Bartlett for advice.

"Back off an inch or so," he suggested gently. "It's resonating off your jewelry."

She did as he said and smiled at the silent crowd. "Hello," she started. "My name is Siblinth and I lead my people. We have heard many interesting things about your people and my mother decided that we should open up negotiations with you. I'm here to make her vision come true, and to learn more about your races. We have found you quite fascinating, what little we know, and wish to be..." She looked over her shoulder at her husband. "What is the word?"

"Friendly?" he suggested. "Happy together?"

"Friendly," a reporter shouted.

She smiled at him. "Thank you. Yes, we wish to be friendly with you and make you happy with us. We hope...." She was shoved to the ground as a shot rang out in the crowd.

"That was dumb," President Bartlett said, his voice audible through the microphone. He noticed a woman in silver coming running and got out of her way too. "She's fine," he told her.

She picked her Queen up and checked her over. "You are unhurt?" she asked, staring down her boss.

Siblinth nodded and reached up to smooth out her hair. "We were warned that there would be some who were not happy with us being here. I'm fine." She turned back to the crowd. The person with the gun was on the ground with a bunch of people trying to hit him. "Please, he is afraid of what we represent," she told them. "Please don't hurt him." She stepped back and took her husband's hand. "We will go back to the ship until it is time to eat."

"Please, stay," President-Elect Hubers told her. "I'd like to talk to you more."

Siblinth smiled at him. "That's why we're all eating together, silly." She walked away, those who had heard her smiling at her retreating back.

In his hotel room nearby, Xander was swearing that the person who had shot at her should be dead. A firm hand reached over and patted him on the knee. "They're fine," Oz reminded him. "Everything's still okay. We'll go a little early so you can talk to her yourself."

Xander leaned against Oz's body, taking comfort from it. "Yeah, but he still deserves to be punished."

"And he will be. See the guys in the suits? That's the Secret Service. That guy's going to be very sorry he did that." Oz continued to pet his husband, gentling him back into relaxation.

***

The dinner went off without an incident. All the military people grouped together in one corner, all the politicians in another, and the few reporters invited from the crowd tried to take down everything with the microphones they wore. The high point of the evening was when the little girl walked over to the military men and smiled up at them, then told them that they were very large but probably very smart and she would like to know what they did. It got shocked looks and some laughter, but Xander hurried to explain that the aliens' children went on something called 'wander' where they found out what they wanted to be when they grew up. He then put the little girl onto a chair and looked at her. "They do the same things as Joquan, little one. These are some of our top military people."

The little girl nodded and smiled. "Thank you. Joquan is one of my favorite people. I followed her onto her ship last month. She wasn't happy, but it was fun."

Joquan shook her head. "A child on wander is never refused anything," she told her associates. "This is how they learn." She smiled at the little girl. "You may ask them all you want after we sleep tomorrow, Kiara."

"You'll sleep tomorrow?" one of the Generals asked.

She nodded. "Your day is equal to a third of ours so we'll be sleeping about every third day. Tomorrow is our day to sleep, which will give you time to calm everyone else down."

Xander snorted. "I'm sure that both Presidents have messages waiting for them from a lot of other world leaders." He looked at the little girl. "Kiara, would you like to tell me a story?"

She shook her head. "I don't do it very well, but you could tell me one."

"I have a book in my bag," one of the reporters offered. "It's probably a bit older than her age range though."

Xander shrugged. "What one is it?"

"Harry Potter one."

"I think that would be fine," he told her. "We'll sit next to her mother in case she wants to object."

"What is this book about?" the First Wife asked as she walked over.

"About a boy who does magic and survived a terrible tragedy. He lives with an Aunt and Uncle who don't want him but his magic finds him a spot in a great school where people want to get to know him and like him."

Her lips pursed. "I would like to read it first. She is a very sensitive child. Xander, tell her something from our history if you can. She loves those."

"Well, I did hear an interesting story that I never got the chance to copy down. Something about the Drizean War?"

"That would be fine," the mother agreed with a smile. "She loves tales of battle." She sat down and plucked her daughter over, holding her closely.

"We could tell her one of ours," General Hammond suggested. "This man, Admiral Chegwidden, tells amazing stories about our past battles." The Admiral looked at him. "Well, sir, you do."

"I have grandchildren," he said with a shrug. A few of his friends in the group laughed. "How about I tell you about the ....Landing at Normandy Beach?" He pulled a chair over and started a story about the second world war.

Xander slipped away and walked over to Siblinth and her First Husband, bowing to both of them. "She's getting lost in stories of our military history." Siblinth sighed and rolled her eyes. "Maybe she'd like to design instead," he suggested.

The First Husband looked him over. "Trying for my job?" he asked lightly.

Xander laughed. "First, it would be unacceptable. Secondly, she only had a crush on me and she knows I'm very tightly bound to my mate. Thirdly, you'd better be glad my mate isn't here to hear that, he'd growl at you." He smiled. "Be secure, I'm not taking her from you. Friendship, yes, more than that, never." He patted the man on the shoulder. "I really love my husband." He heard Siblinth laugh and nodded. "See, she knows."

"He almost left us alone because some of us thought he might cheat on his mate with one of us," she told him. "It was a tragic day and made my mother quite upset." Xander nodded. "Never fear, I chose you," she told her husband, kissing him on the cheek. "I could have stolen him, but then I would had to fight his mate and I would have lost."

The First Husband nodded and bowed to Xander. "I'm sorry for my distrust but I heard someone else say she was beautiful."

"She is, but among humans that doesn't always mean that they want to sleep with her. It's also a statement of admiration." He grabbed a glass of champagne and nodded at the servers. "They forgot you guys get high on peanuts, don't eat the thing with coconuts on it unless you pick off the little hard brown things," he suggested. He strolled away.

Siblinth called the server over and looked down at the little squares. "What are these?"

"They're a cookie," the server told her. "Coconut topping, which is a large nut from a palm tree, and peanuts sprinkled on the top."

"Which are peanuts?" The server pointed them out. "Thank you. We've found out that are people are slightly allergic to them, they seem to alter our perceptions quite a lot and make us laugh loudly," the First Husband told him.

The server smiled. "I'll warn the chefs and they'll take the rest of them off. If you want, I can remove them from a few of the bars."

"We can do that," Siblinth told him. "We're not helpless." She took one of the bars and picked off the peanuts, carefully putting them aside. She ate a bite and moaned. "What is the stuff in the center?"

"Dark chocolate." He smiled again. "We thought you might like it, it's a very sensual food."

She nodded. "I do. I like this quite a lot." She smiled at him, then offered her husband a bite. He bit and moaned just as loudly. "You'll have to have your chef show ours when it's time to cook for your people." She walked over to her wife and had her taste it too.

"I want one of those," the First Wife announced.

"I'll take the peanuts off one for you."

Admiral Chegwidden groaned. "We forgot, peanuts make them high."

General Hammond shrugged when everyone looked at him. "I included it on my list. Berries, some citrus fruit. Peanuts. And pepper." The server nearest to them nodded. "Got all that?"

"It was on the briefing sheet, sir. I don't know why there are peanuts on anything. I'll ask the chef if you want." Another server said something quietly. "Oh, the chef that made those was late and didn't get the briefing. They just told him not to make berries or orange anything." He rolled his eyes. "We'll tell him." He hurried to the serving van, where the chefs were monitoring the food. "They're allergic to peanuts," he announced. The chefs all nodded, except the one who choked. "It makes them giggly and high. We're picking peanuts off for them."

The chef that made the mistake nodded. "Thanks for the warning. I'll pick off the rest of them back here." He punched the one who had warned him on the arm. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Emeril shrugged. "I forgot. At least it's not a fatal allergy." He was only there to help organize, he was the only one with Presidential Banquet experience, but not being able to cook had bothered him. Didn't they trust him?

The server smiled. "There's been a great run on the chocolate things. They'd like whomever's going to be helping them cook for their dinner in two days to teach them about that too."

"Sure," all the chefs said in unison. The server ducked back into the tent, going back to his duties. When he had signed up for cooking school, he had never imagined doing something like this. Maybe he would specialize in their food, or a synthesis, if they stayed around for a while.

***

Xander was let into the room where everyone was on the phone and picked up one that was ringing. "White House, New York edition," he answered. "Please hold, I'll see if Ms. Craig is busy." He put the guy on hold and smiled at CJ and Josh, who were walking over to greet him. "It's for you," he told her, handing her the handset. "I can wait. He sounded Middle Eastern and happy."

"That'll change when they find out how these people view women's rights," she assured him. "Great job by the way." She turned around to take the call in private.

Josh led Xander to the coffee machine, smiling the whole way. "That was such a great idea, the tents. Most of the press is even happy with us." He poured himself a cup.

"Sludge of the day?" Xander asked, staring into his cup. "Man, there's a Starbucks two doors up."

Josh shrugged. "You get used to it." He smiled as CJ walked over. "Who was it?"

"Hamid, Israeli branch of Headline News. He wants to talk to the First Wife about her views on the religious battles going on."

"She's going to say that her religion has been stable for longer than we've been standing upright and probably that she can't understand since they're all the same people, but she's heard of such things," Xander told her.

She nodded. "That's what I told him." She smiled at him. "I caught something on camera yesterday and only one other person saw it. It was a guy in leather and one with wings taking two children off the ship?"

Xander glanced around then leaned closer to her. "Bliss, son of Cupid, is married to one of their little Goddesses, Migrid," he told her. She frowned. "They're real, dear, I'm one of Cupid's and Strife's people." He stretched upward and came down with his bracelet in his hand, showing her the markings. "Recognize them?"

CJ stared, then nodded. "I do. From an archeology lesson very many years ago." She shook herself. "So, it was a hallucination and it's all okay?"

He nodded, grinning at her. "Basically. I'll pass that along though." He looked at Josh, who looked lost. "They're the ones who gave me that tapestry, the one behind my writing chair." Josh shuddered. "Sorry."

"That's okay, it was a bit more graphic than I wanted to see." He looked at CJ. "Did we need to do anything else today?"

"Both presidents wanted to talk to him, and we've got many calls to answer."

"I'm going to go do that before I end up locked on that tapestry." He sipped his sludge as he walked away.

CJ smiled. "Tapestry?"

"My writing room has pornographic tapestries hanging around the walls. That one was an orgy on a set of temple stairs. Three guys, a girl, and a dog looking on." She just nodded once. "It's beautifully done."

"I want to see it sometime." She led the way to a door off to the side, knocking on it. "Sirs, Mr. Harris," she announced, letting him get by.

Xander shook hands. "Hi." He waited until the door was closed. "Is everything going okay?"

"Besides some very upset world leaders, everything's fine," President Bartlett told him. Xander frowned. "They wanted to know about this before it happened."

"Oh. I guess that's understandable." He sat down when a hand waved toward the couch. "So, what can I do for you today?"

"Dr. Jackson is doing the anthro lectures at the end of the week," President-Elect Hubers told him. "We'd like you to help him, son."

Xander nodded. "Sure. I'm due on Leno that night though. As long as I can get out there before then. Or I could help with the ones in LA since I know Blair was going to do those."

"That would be fine. Can we tape them and send them on?" President Bartlett asked. Xander shrugged. "You don't know?"

"When Ms. Walters came over to do the interview with Nethisha, she asked me if I was wearing an illusion. I'm guessing that something in her equipment might not pick it up. We'd have to be careful." Both presidents nodded. "Other than that, I'd love to teach what I know. That's one of the reasons I'm going on Leno, besides to keep Siblinth calm. She's a little bit more nervous than her mother was. Oh, her wife," he said suddenly, his smile picking up again. "She was a historian. I saw her when I was helping Blair and Daniel."

"Helping them where?" President-Elect Hubers asked.

Bartlett looked at him. "I'll tell you about that in a few minutes." He looked at Xander again. "Are you sure?"

"She was working at one of their major schools, in the history/civilizations department. They don't separate it out the way that we do." He stood up. "I think she'd do it if you asked her to."

"I'll ask her tomorrow then," Bartlett agreed. "Was there anything else you wanted to tell us?"

"About what?"

"The winged person that CJ picked up."

"That was Cupid. He was picking up his son, Bliss."

"Greek God, Cupid?" Hubers asked. Xander nodded and sat down again. "They exist?"

"As far as I can tell, the rule of the universe is 'if you believe strongly enough it's there for you.' There are still plenty of us who believe in Cupid. I'm one of his devotees, his and Strife's, God of Mischief. But Cupid's son, Bliss, has grown to love one of the off-world goddesses and he's married to her. Her name's Migrid, she's the daughter of the Goddess of Grief and the Goddess of Godly Combat."

Ares appeared behind Xander and tapped him on the head. "Did they need to know?"

Xander tipped his head back. "They caught Cupid and Strife on tape yesterday when they picked up Bliss," he said with a grin. He looked at the Presidents. "This is Ares, God of War, and saver of my butt on more than one occasion."

Ares frowned down at Xander. "That's because Oz never put you on the leash I gave him," he said dryly. He looked at both world leaders and sighed. "Yes, we do exist. For those who believe so strongly, we can even act on their behalf. Xander is one of my nephew and my son's favorite mortals." He patted Xander on the head. "Be good. Don't get stolen this week. We're all having a party for Bliss and Migrid." He snapped his fingers. "Oh, we found out, she's the Goddess of Bridges. It appeared on their naming scrolls when she started for down here." Xander smiled. "When are you leaving?"

"Friday morning. Siblinth and I are leaving together I guess." He looked at the two older men. "I've rented a plane for the trip back, just so we don't have to deal with panicking people. And if she's the panicking one, she can do it in private."

Hubers nodded. "Good idea. Thank you, Mr. Harris, you've been a great help to us in this matter."

"Hey, I don't mind. I like them," he said as he stood up. He shook everyone's hand, and hugged Ares, whispering in his ear. Then he left them alone. He felt the flash of power that hid the encounter from the minds of the Presidents. Both were very religious men and didn't need the doubts right then. He waved at CJ, then left the building. He walked over to the Starbucks and bought the whole room an order of decent coffee, then left for his hotel.

Bartlett looked at Hubers, who was frowning. "He did it so we wouldn't stress."

"I still remember though."

"Well, shit," Ares sighed as he reappeared. "You're not supposed to. You'll be too worried about that and not focused on the necessary stuff."

Hubers smiled at him. "Actually, it eased my mind about my afterlife, son." He held a hand out and Ares shook it. "Do you help our boys in the military?"

"When they ask for it."

"Good, good." Hubers nodded at Bartlett. "Is he something that you hadn't told me about yet?"

"No, but I'm sure the project that I'm going to tell you about has seen him." Ares laughed and nodded. "That's what I thought."

"Hey, we have to protect Xander, he's keeping some of the minor, forgotten Gods, alive." He shrugged and left them alone.

"Yes, he's an interesting boy," Hubers agreed. "I don't normally like gays, but he's quite a man."

Bartlett held in his laughter. The other man could at least see the forest for the trees and he wasn't quite as pigheaded as everyone had said. "Sit down. Have a drink. You'll need it, Richard." He poured himself a scotch and sat down. "We found them because of some other alien technology that creates gateways to other worlds."

"Shit, I *do* need a drink for this." Hubers got up and grabbed a strong drink, then sat back down. "Does that General Hammond run it? I noticed he's been in almost as many spots as Mr. Harris."

Bartlett nodded. "It's his baby. He's the General that the original negotiations were done under. We've worked on this for three years so far."

Hubers slugged his drink back. "Oh, damn, that burned," he complained. "The best though." He put the delicate crystal rock glass off to the side. "Tell me about it, as much as I can know."

Bartlett leaned forward and put his glass down. "You're right, we only know because of our jobs. Even the Joint Chiefs like to ignore this little project in Colorado."

"That's where you went?" Bartlett nodded. "Well. How was their world?"

"They have something in their air that mimics caffeine and chocolate. It's invigorating. That's also where we got the goats."

Hubers laughed. "That's good to know. Think they field them in military maneuvers?"

***

Xander stopped at the front desk of his hotel and sent flowers to Daniel and Blair. He decided that they probably needed it right about then. He headed up to his room and slammed the door. "I just thought of an issue with my cover," he told his husband, who was reading a new book on the bed. The book lowered and one eyebrow was quirked up. "I don't have a plastic surgeon." He walked over and snuggled in. "I don't have anyone that I can say I went to and no one can say I've been to them either."

Oz grunted and removed the hand tracing figures on his stomach. "So, we'll get one. That's not that hard. We live in the land of plastic surgery. There might even be an immie one."

"Well, I was thinking about something else." Xander lifted his head. "You know how I'm really unhappy with a few things on my body?"

"You're not getting liposuction." Xander smacked him on the stomach. "Ow. Meany."

Xander frowned. "No, not that sort of unhappy, that's needing to get back on the treadmill again. I'm talking about some of my scars, Oz. Those big, nasty looking things that I got from fighting with the blonde one?"

"I know all about your scars," Oz reminded him. He pulled Xander closer. "They can make them disappear."

"I know. That's what I was thinking, and it would help with our next life." He looked up. "People have seen my scars and I can be identified by them."

"Then we'll look for a good plastic surgeon to get rid of those nasty scars for you." He kissed his mate on the nose. "Got any ideas?"

Xander looked at him. "There should be some sort of immie directory of specialists."

Oz snorted. "There probably is at the resort. I can call Steve." Xander shook his head. "Okay. You wanna just ask around?"

"I've been doing that and one person keeps popping up. I was going to call him for an appointment." Oz nodded. "But then we have to explain and...." Oz shut him up with a kiss.

"Then we'll find someone we like and can work with. We'll even put him on retainer to make it look better. We can afford it."

"Well, there's always Switzerland."

Oz shook his head. "No. They can't keep their mouths shut and the press lurks at the good clinics." He rolled his mate under him, but decided he should probably answer the ringing phone. "What?" He smiled. "Sure. Send it up. Or them. Whatever." He hung up and went back to kissing his mate. "You know, you could probably make a pretty good living helping immies change their images from life to life. I know I've had trouble finding something new."

"Green fur wasn't new?"

"Leave my green fur trimmed jacket out of this." Oz gave him one last kiss and got up to answer the door. "Hey, guys." He let them in. "It's the kids, honey."

Xander sat up and waved. "Hey, guys. How are the lectures coming?"

"They're written," Daniel told him, coming over to sit down next to him. He gave him a hug. "Thank you for the flowers. And the suggestion. Josh called me." He let Blair snuggle into his side too. "And then the issue comes up that we want to disappear soon and don't know how."

"We were just talking about that," Oz said, checking the hall before closing the door. "I think he should start a service to help those of us without a clue. Some hair stuff, some clothing stuff, some attitude and name stuff." He came over and laid back down on his husband's free side. "I think he'd be great at it." Xander blushed. "You are. You helped Amanda."

"She was easy, she just needed a makeover last time." He smiled at his husband. "I guess we could do something like that at the resort."

"We'd have to do something like that at the resort. It's the only common place that immies know of," Blair pointed out.

Oz nodded. "Good point." He kissed Xander on the cheek. "I think we could do that, if you wanted."

Xander looked at him. "Let's wait and see how well this first change goes, okay?"

"Okay." Oz looked at Blair and Daniel. "Any good news?"

"No gun-wielding assholes," Blair said.

"Always a good," Xander agreed. "Any picket-wielding assholes?"

"Only a few, they're not sure who I am." Daniel smiled. "I managed to slip past them fairly quickly. Blair wasn't so lucky."

Blair snorted. "They remembered my dis fiasco." He cuddled in harder. "Anyway, we've got the rest of the day off, and we know that you do too."

"Actually, except for the party later, I'm free until Friday," Xander told them. "We can go shopping if you want." Both men nodded. "That's cool." He looked at Oz. "You wanna come?"

"Not particularly, but I'd like some say as to what you're going to become." He kissed Xander's cheek. "Where are we going shopping?"

"Well, I know some great little shops, but I don't really want to deal with them because of why I *used* to shop there." All the men nodded. "So, we can hit fifth avenue or we can ask someone downstairs where we should go shop."

Someone knocked on the door and Oz got up to answer it. He checked and Xander had moved away from Danny and Blair, so he opened it. "Yes?" he asked the hotel security guard. "Is there a problem?"

The guard came in and looked at Xander. "You are him, the guy with the aliens?" Xander nodded. "Our management is very wary about you bringing the idiots with weapons and signs down on us, Mr. Harris, and I've been sent to ask you to switch hotels. Will you do that willingly?"

"Sure," Xander said with a smile. "I expected as much, it would be bad publicity if the sign- waving idiots showed up here. Can I ask you to make me reservations somewhere equally safe?" The guard nodded and pulled out a card, handing it over. "Thank you. Give us an hour please." The guard nodded again and left. "Okay, guys, we're going to the Lafayette."

"Never heard of it," Daniel said, grabbing the phone book to look it up. "Um, Xander, you don't want to go there," he said, handing over the listing. "It's not the best of all places."

"We're staying in a three star," Blair said, reading the listing. "I wouldn't stay at the one they just gave you unless I had to. Good thing that the government is paying for our rooms or we'd be in an equally offensive dump." He flipped through the pages "Hey, try this one. I've heard many great things about it from the Travel Channel. The Righa Royal." He handed the phonebook to Oz, who sat down to call it while Xander went to pack their things.

"They've got a room," Oz announced. "Suite, nice one. Good for you?"

"Great for me," Xander agreed, dropping one of their bags on the bed. "Two more. Come help?" he suggested.

"I will," Blair told him, getting up to go help him. "I know this sucks," he said quietly.

"I expected it," Xander told him with a sigh. "I am a security risk right now. That's why I didn't unpack everything." He stuffed the remaining clothes into a bag. "Go check the other rooms?"

"Sure." Blair grabbed an empty bag and went to check everything else. "It still sucks," he said as he walked away.

Oz walked over and leaned into the bathroom. "We've got a nice suite under your name. They did ask and I told them you were you. They agreed to keeping us anyway." He pulled his husband in for a kiss. "I agree with Blair, it sucks, but we'll deal. The Prezes are in the Waldorf."

"We're in the Avalon," Blair said as he came out of the bathroom. "I didn't steal the shampoo for you." He handed over the bag. "You left room in your luggage?"

"We have things in the laundry," Oz told him. "We'll talk to the check-out people and have it sent to our new hotel." He took the bags from Xander and brought them to the bed, doing one last check himself. He found a pair of slippers and stuffed them into a bag, then took his jacket out of the closet. "Xander, wallet?" he called, noticing it was still on the dresser and Xander was halfway to the door. Xander waved his. "Guess it's mine then." He opened it and it was his. "Okay. Bellhop?"

"Called," Daniel told him. "On the way up." He took Blair's hand and started for the door. "I'm going to go down and get us a car. Okay?"

"Fine." Oz watched them go, then accepted the silent hug from his husband. "It'll be okay. There's no one here who wants to kill you yet."

"Nope, not yet." Xander got free and went to answer the door, letting the bellhop in. "We're checking out," he told him, giving him a five dollar tip. "Take it to the curb, we'll be right down." He followed the young man to the elevator. "We have friends down there waiting on us," he told him as they got on. Oz came out and got the next elevator.

***

Xander looked around the room, nodding. It was great. A set of doors separated the living room area from the bedroom. There was a discrete fax on the desk. There were even two televisions. "This'll work, and I like the colors. The burgundy and tan is great. Much better than the plain tan we had before."

"Oh, marble bathroom," Blair said excitedly. He got out of Oz's way. "Great huh."

"Definitely good," he said, shutting the door.

Xander shrugged when Daniel looked at him. "It's some sort of ritual, he always has to try the bathroom to make sure it works. Ever since New Delhi." He tipped the bellhop and waited until he was gone to pick up his bags. "Okay, guys, now we have to put it up and go do stuff. After I call Josh and tell him I had to move hotels."

"Got his fax number?" Daniel asked, examining the business machine. "This has a dedicated line." He looked at Xander, who had pulled out a business card and handed it over. "Go get unpacked and I'll write him a short note." He wrote it out on a piece of notepaper then sent it through, smiling at the cute message. 'Other hotel didn't like aliens or me, moved to Righa, floor 26. Fax on desk here at this number. Going shopping now.' He smiled as Xander came back out, showing him the message.

"Good. Oz?"

"Coming." He flushed and came out, wiping his hands off. "Gotta say, that's the best bathroom we've had at any hotel yet. Almost as nice as at home in Sunnydale." He took his husband's hand and checked for both of their wallets, which he was the keeper of. "Salon to do something with your split ends or shopping?" he asked as they walked out, with Blair in possession of the key.

"Salon first," Xander said, nodding decisively. "Otherwise I'll end up braiding my hair tonight to hide the fact that the left side broke two inches up." He felt fingers go through his hair and smiled at his mate, who loved to play with it. "I promise I won't get that much trimmed off."

"Good." Oz got on the elevator first, waiting until everyone was on to push the button for the lobby. He waved at the receptionist as they walked past. "He's got his cellphone if it's urgent," he called as they walked past. She nodded and made a note. He stepped outside. "We need a car to hire for the rest of the day," he told the doorman. "We're going to a salon, then shopping, then to a dinner tonight." The doorman whistled and with a wave, a sleek black car pulled up. Oz tipped him, then got in, letting Xander sit very close to him. "We need to go to a salon that takes walk ins," Oz told the driver.

"Yes, sir." He pulled away carefully once the door was closed. "Say, are you guys with those aliens?"

Xander, Blair, and Daniel all raised their hands.

"And there's a dinner tonight," Daniel added.

"That's fine then. I know just where to go." He turned a corner and headed down a smaller side street, stopping in front of a very usual building. No signs, no doorman. "Push the pink button," the driver instructed. "I'll be right here." He watched as the people got out and headed to the door, which opened for them. Hey, they'd be paying well, American diplomats always did.

***

Xander looked back at the stylist checking his hair. "What sort of training do you have to have to do what you do?" he asked him.

"I went to cosmetology school, a good and reputable one. Then I worked my way up." He frowned at the ends. "You need two inches trimmed off everywhere."

"I know. But you can't go over three. My husband loves my hair," he admitted with a grin. "What about the white streaks?"

"They're faded a little," the stylist admitted. "I can bleach them, but it's going to take forever to separate them out."

Oz shook his head from across the room. "No, don't. Don't worry about it. We'll deal with those some other day." Xander nodded. "But can you do something elegant with it for the dinner tonight?"

"Definitely. I wish I had this much hair to do things with," he said with a smile. He turned Xander around and opened up his sink. "Let's get you wet and then we'll see what we're going to do with you."

Xander stepped out of the back room, his hair carefully braided and draped. Blair and Daniel had both been done an hour ago, but they didn't have hair like his. "How's it look?"

"Great," Blair told him. "Just enough braid to make it controllable and enough loose to not say femme." He waved at the door. "Did Oz get the bill?"

"Yup. He's coming." He turned as the door opened and Oz walked out to take his arm. "Shopping?"

"We've got four hours before we have to be ready," Oz reminded him. Everyone nodded so they went out to the hired car, which was sitting right there for them. The driver smiled and Oz nodded. "Shopping. This guy," he said, patting Daniel on the shoulder, "needs some good dress clothes and my man needs general stuff."

"Armani it is," the driver agreed. "Right near it is a few other good men's stores too." He turned the car around and started back toward fifth avenue. "What took you guys so long?"

"My hair takes forever to dry," Xander told him. "Plus I needed a conditioning treatment." He looked at Daniel, who was staring down into his wallet, and reached over to make him fold it back up. "Don't worry about it, we're not." Daniel looked at him. "You need these anyway. Your old tux fits like a rental." He smiled. "So I'm taking you shopping and we're getting some ideas." Daniel nodded and put up his wallet.

"You don't have to," Blair told him.

"I enjoy it, deal with it," Xander told him, staring him down. Blair nodded and relaxed. "I could be really mean and make Danny help me find something to wear on Leno too."

"I don't think I'm the person to ask," Daniel reminded him, but he was smiling.

Oz leaned forward. "Leave him alone, guys, he's in super spoiling mode. The last time he had one of these fits, he gave the twins close to a thousand books and trust funds for school." He sat back as the car pulled up in front of a glass-fronted store. "Here?"

"Here, sir." He looked back. "Sir, if I may, my fee...." Oz handed him three hundreds. "Yes, sir, thank you, sir. I'll be right here or just down the block if I have to move." He turned back around and turned off the car, picking back up his magazine to read.

Xander hustled everyone inside, smiling at the salesman coming toward them, and his sneer. "I'm Xander Harris," he told him. The man's sneer magically disappeared. "These are Doctors Sandburg and Jackson, they need formal wear."

"I only need a new jacket," Blair put in.

"Shh," Oz reminded him. He smiled at the salesman. "Then they need to browse. My baby also needs something to wear for tonight because I'm tired of his old tux and I need a new shirt."

"Yes, sir, right this way. We have a private room set up for special clients." He showed them in and snapped his fingers, and a young woman appeared with a tray for tea. "Tuxes first?"

"Please," Xander agreed. "We're going to the reception tonight." The man's eyes widened and he hurried away. He looked at his shopping buddies. "Then we'll see what we can find for you guys."

"Me," Daniel said quietly. "I don't....this a much later thing. It's not important yet."

Xander smiled. "You're *how* old?"

"Point," Daniel sighed; he knew he was coming to the end of his time at this present identity, he was too old to look so young. He looked at Blair, who was smiling helpfully. "We'll look." Maybe Blair would change identities with him after all.

Oz patted him on the shoulder. "If you think you're getting out of here without some clothes, you're delusional. Xander's going to be buying most of the store." He poured himself some tea and sat next to his mate, looking at the first model wearing a tux. "Danny?"

Daniel shook his head. "Something more subtle," he suggested.

"Something classy and old money," Xander added. The model nodded and disappeared. He sipped his tea, but grimaced. He hated tea. He handed Daniel his cup and made him drink it instead. When the model came back, he got up to look over the outfit. "I like. Oz?"

"No. Too stiff. Think *really* old money, like European money." The model nodded and went back to get another outfit.

"I liked that one," Daniel told them. Xander and Oz both shh'ed him this time. He decided he'd give up, for now, but he would win this battle.

***

Daniel looked up at his and Blair's hotel with a sigh. He got out and managed to get most of the bags from the trunk without help, but Blair called over one of the bellhops and they took the bags from him. His lover leaned in. "Enjoy it for the gift it is," Blair suggested as he closed the trunk. It reopened and he pulled out their tuxes. He waved and headed inside, the poor man carrying their bags behind them. He got his lover upstairs and into the bathroom, then laughed. He loved having a sugar daddy sometimes. Xander was just so cute when he was in hyper-spoil mode. Maybe he should have suggested that they stop off at that antique bookstore too? "Nah, that would have been imposing," he muttered as he hung up their tuxes. A quick shower and they'd both be ready.

***

Xander allowed himself to be escorted up to the room by the driver, Oz, and the bellboy, all of whom were carrying bags. He opened the door and tipped everyone, smiling at the driver. "Three hours," he reminded him.

"Two hours," Oz called. "We have to be there early and we have to pick up Blair and Danny." He peeked back out. "Come on and shower, big guy."

Xander waved and closed the door.

The driver headed back downstairs with a bright smile. It was a very good day for him and it wasn't over yet.

Xander drug his husband into the bathroom so they could bathe together. A shower would mess up his hair, but a bath was just perfect.

***

Siblinth smiled as she walked into the tent, squealing when she saw Xander and Oz already there. "You came." She hugged them both.

"We were supposed to come," Xander said with a frown. "Why wouldn't we come?"

"Because you moved and didn't tell anyone," Sam told him as he walked up behind Siblinth.

"Danny sent a message to Josh."

"Who's been out of the office all day," Sam said with a smile. "At least you're safe. Where are you staying now?"

"Rihga Royal. Nice suite." Xander looked him over. "You look like you just hugged a cat."

"I did. There's three of them on the ship and one of them inhabited my lap for the last half an hour." He brushed at his jacket. "Do you have a lint roller?"

"I do," CJ told him, handing over the miniature one from her purse. "Snazzy look, guys. Armani?"

"Xander spoiled people today," Oz told her seriously. "All of us got new tuxes." She smiled. "And new clothes, and new shoes, and even some new jewelry." He picked up the end of Xander's braid to show off the tie. "He's not allowed on fifth avenue again this week."

Everyone laughed, but Xander, who was pouting. Siblinth gave him another hug. CJ gave him a hug. Oz punched him on the arm. "Stop it before you make people horny too," he ordered.

"He can't do that, right?" Sam asked.

"Bet me," Siblinth and Oz said together.

He just nodded and finished cleaning off his jacket, then handed the appliance back to his coworker. "I think I'm going to go get some water. Anyone want anything?"

"Champagne?" Siblinth asked. Her husband came over and whispered in her ear. "Oh, all right, water," she sighed. "I doubt I'm going to get drunk."

"It's easy enough to do," Oz told her, smiling at her. "You look quite nice in that."

She looked down at her silver breast cups and black velvet two panel skirt. "We went shopping ourselves," she said proudly. "One of the nice people made this for us just for tonight." She smiled at them, then at CJ. "She was nice enough to help us."

Xander considered the outfit. "It wouldn't be that hard to make. Simple squares with flaps on the sides for the magnets." He shrugged. "It shouldn't have taken anyone that long to do. I could whip you up an entire wardrobe in a week if I had a pattern for your cups."

CJ shook her head. "You never cease to amaze me. You sew?"

"He makes most of our clothes, except the leathers and formal stuff," Oz told her, patting Xander's hand. "It keeps him out of trouble, just like his forge work does." She laughed. "Think I'm kidding?"

CJ shook her head. "No, I think you're very serious. I can't see him getting into real trouble though." Oz nodded, eyes wide. "Really?"

"That's also why he writes. It was either he get the urges out that way or we were going to have to chain him in a bathroom. It was close, I almost couldn't move for a week." He took the offered glass of water from Sam.

"Is that when you got animals?" Sam asked.

"That was after we started sewing. Xander liked fuzzy things so a dog was adopted. Then, one fateful day, he saw an in-store adoption plea from the LA County Humane Society. We brought home seventeen that day. The ferret just wandered up one day and decided she lived there."

Sam shook his head. "At least your life is full of things that you like."

"Yes, it is," Xander agreed with a smile. He looked at the First Husband, who wasn't looking very happy. "You can join us. We don't mind."

"I do," Siblinth said, frowning at him. "I'm very upset with him."

Xander gave her a hug. "It's all right, I'm sure he didn't mean to upset you. Besides, it's better to have him with you than to have him far away and at the mercy of press people." She laughed. "Really."

"Really," CJ agreed. "They'll take a hint that you two are fighting and turn it into the second biggest story of all time."

"Oh." She looked back at her husband. "You may come closer," she told him. He moved up and kissed her on the neck. "Thank you, Moracaman." She smiled at him, then at Xander. "He was worried because you're still so touchy."

"It's just the way he is," Oz told him. "Not all humans are that way, but he'll never try to take your wife."

Xander took his mate's hand. "I'd never leave you," he promised. "And if you ever try to leave me again, I'm going to hunt you down and bring you back in chains and leather."

Sam and CJ both stepped back.

Oz nodded. "Cool with me. As long as you don't break up my decade vacation." He shrugged. "And I'd expect harsher punishment than that."

"Well, I could stick you in the trunk and drive you home myself," Xander said sweetly. Oz shuddered. "Got the point?"

"Definitely," Oz agreed, giving him a hug. He looked at Blair and Danny, who were smirking at them. "Just you wait until you have a fight. He trapped Ray and his man on a train and gave them peachskin thongs to wear when they had a fight." Blair shivered and Danny's mouth hung open. "Yeah, so you might not want to have many serious ones where one of you leaves."

Xander smiled at their friends. "I'd do something unique to what you guys have to get you back together," he promised them.

CJ snickered. "I'm just glad you've never done anything like that and gotten press attention, Xander."

"No, not yet," Oz told her. "I'm sure it'll happen sometime though." He sipped his water. "Where is everybody else?"

"Security's tightened up since Siblinth came," Sam explained. "We've added three new layers to the security so everybody is taking longer. They're over there," he pointed toward where the press had been the day before. There were some invited tonight so there was no mob of newscasters around. "The chefs are already here. The American chefs were really impressed with some of the things you brought. Especially that you were able to kill the goat yourself."

Siblinth smiled. "It tried to bite me," she confided. "And I was stressed. It was a wonderful fight." She smiled as a man with glasses and medium-brown hair walked over with a tray. "The beginnings?" she asked.

"A sample to make sure everything's fine," he told her.

"You're the Good Eats guy," Xander said happily. He smiled at Sam. "Great choice, man. I *love* his show."

"Thanks," Alton Brown said with a smile. "It was really interesting. Emeril was a little upset, until he got to make the garlic dish." He watched as she nibbled on the miniature servings. "Does everything taste right? Your chef said to defer to you."

Siblinth wiped her mouth and nodded. "Excellently done. I thank you for your help tonight."

"Hey, you guys have all different types of food and I'm always willing to learn," he said with a smile. "We've planned to start dinner in about half an hour?" CJ nodded, this was her planning. "Good. Then I'm going to go calm any last minute fears. Graham Kerr said he's never fed a royal or a regal banquet." He disappeared back toward where the chefs were set up.

"That is so very cool," Xander told CJ.

"There was a small fit earlier when Emeril didn't get to fix anything, but he found the one thing that soaked up flavor and added garlic." She saluted Siblinth with her glass. "Thank you for bringing some of that root vegetable down."

"It's a standard in our diet, we weren't sure how you would like it though. When my mother was here, she ate things that were softer and more varied in flavor. She used to rave about this layered, flavorful, red dish."

Oz looked at Xander. "You fed her lasagna?"

Xander nodded. "It was in the freezer, we had it for breakfast." He looked over his shoulder as a few more people trickled in, more of President Bartlett's staff, and his wife. He was behind them talking to his predecessor. "It's going to be a high politics night," he sighed.

Oz patted him on the back. "We'll still be able to talk to Blair and Danny," he assured him.

Xander sighed and sipped his champagne. He was bored. Oz was bored and had gone in search of more interesting conversation. So Xander was figuring out what he wanted to do with his next life.

"You don't look happy," a man said as he walked over to sit beside Xander at the table. "Henry Hallase."

"Xander Harris," he said, shaking his hand. "So, why are you here?"

"Oh, I'm covering this for my organization." He pointed at his press pass.

Xander saw something else and turned the man's wrist over. "I know someone else who had that tattoo." He looked into the man's eyes. "Why are you here?"

"Because such an auspicious occasion, as heralded by some of our own, brought me," he said with a smile. "You do make an interesting note in the chronicles, Mr. Harris."

Xander leaned forward. "Go away. I don't like you." He stood up and walked away.

"Can I quote you?" he called after him, still smirking. "I'm sure Joe would have loved to hear about this."

Xander turned but before he could say anything, Blair was beside him and leading him away. "I want to hurt him," he muttered to his friend.

"Who was he?"

"Watcher." Xander smiled as Daniel walked over to him. "Did you see the guy annoying me?" he asked. Daniel nodded. "Don't go near him."

CJ turned to look at him. "Press problems?"

"More like an annoyance who believes he's God," Xander said mock-cheerfully. She nodded and turned away again. Xander looked at Daniel and tapped his wrist. The other man's mouth opened. "So leave him alone."

"Oz was talking to him earlier," Blair told them.

"I'll warn him," Xander said, smiling at them. Blair held him there. "What? He is mine."

"He's with homophobic assholes right now," Blair soothed, leading Xander over to the refreshments table. "Why don't you tell me about this idea Oz was talking about earlier?"

"He wanted me to help people who need to change their identities." He glanced around. "Like abused spouses," he said meaningfully because they were surrounded by people who wouldn't even begin to understand. Blair nodded for him to go on. "I was thinking about working out of the resort, or somewhere close by."

"That would be a help," a female reporter said from beside them. "How were you going to do it? Down to the credit report level or just a new identity?"

Xander smiled at her. "That's what I'm still trying to figure out. It could backfire very badly on the people I'm trying to help if I don't do it just right and get the right clearances and everything." She nodded, looking interested. "Just a new name and a new persona wouldn't be enough, but getting them set up with a new credit report would probably get me in a lot of trouble if I didn't make sure I could do it first. Even just getting them new identity facts could get me in a lot of trouble."

She smiled. "That's very true, but it is something that the world needs. I know a few people who would love to use your services." She held out a hand. "Ellen Romerson."

"Xander Harris."

"My, you *are* busy," she said with a light chuckle. "First animals, then writing, and now this?"

"I have to do something worthwhile with my money," he told her.

She put her arm through his and walked him away from Blair. "How did you come to that money anyway? No one's ever said."

Xander smiled. "It's not really that interesting. Just a standard....."

"Xander," Daniel called. "Kiara would like to talk to you."

"Excuse me please," he said, getting away from her. He walked over to where the little princess was and knelt down in front of her. "What can I do for you today, little one?"

"You can find me someone to tell me many great stories," she demanded. He mother looked over at her and she ducked her head. "Please?"

Xander looked around. "Well, I don't know most of these people, but I think Daniel knows some stories that are called myths." Daniel nodded. "Could he tell you one?" Daniel shook his head but the princess nodded happily.

"Xander, kids and I don't get along."

"So don't let her sit on your lap. Just tell her some of the myths we have around here." Xander smiled. "Tell her some Greek ones? I'll even sit here and help if you want."

"Oh, all right," he sighed, sitting down across from her. "You know that our people have had many cultures and religions?" The little girl nodded happily. "Well, way back when, about three thousand years ago, there were people called Greeks. They and their country are still around but their main religion has changed. Back then, they worshiped many Gods and Goddesses."

"Just like you do," Xander added. She clapped.

Daniel smiled at him. "Yes, just like they do, and some of the myths we have left from their old religion are very similar."

"Do you have a princess that's stolen by death and forced to marry her?" Kiara's mother asked as she sat down. "I've heard of one."

"That would be Persephone and Hades," Daniel agreed, smiling at her. "Persephone was the daughter of Demeter, who was the Goddess of the Harvest. One day, Hades found Persephone playing among the flowers in a valley near where the Underworld opened onto the mortal realm and he fell in love. He decided he had to have her, and without talking to her mother, took her from the valley. Her mother got very angry though and swore that she would get her daughter back. She stormed off to the leaders of the Gods, Zeus and Hera, and demanded her daughter be brought back. They argued for *months*," he told her. "Finally, Zeus agreed to pull her from the Underworld, to free her from her captor, but Hades had been smart. He had tried to get her to eat the whole time she was down there, but she had refused knowing that it would trap her there. But finally, she grew so hungry that she ate a few pomegranate seeds. Just after she ate them was when Zeus pulled her up to Olympus, the home of the Gods. He had to tell her mother that she could not come back because she had eaten the seeds." He took a sip of his water. "Her mother was so upset that she declared that there would never be another harvest, that the land would be barren and cold until her daughter was returned to her. The mortal realm went through about a year of winter."

"What's winter?" Kiara asked.

"It's when it gets cold and the crops won't grow," Blair said as he sat down. "Demeter decided that the world should be as cold and barren as she was feeling and that the mortal world would suffer for her grief right along with her because the other Gods would have to take her side and help her get back her daughter." He smiled at her. "Now, Hades, overloaded by all the dead flowing down to him, made a decision. He went to Zeus and offered a compromise. He would allow Persephone to go back to her mother's house for half the year. Demeter flashed in and started to scream at him until Hera and Zeus told her what he had suggested. She thought about it, then decided half a year with her daughter was better than none and accepted." He reached over and patted Xander's hand, noticing him start to fidget. "So that's why the Ancient Greeks thought they had seasons. Fall and Winter were when the Goddess Persephone was with her husband, and Spring and Winter were with her mother."

Kiara smiled at her mother. "They're very complicated, mommy."

"And that's only one culture's reasons for the seasons. Each culture explains to themselves why things happen, usually through religions or myths. The Ancient Egyptians had a different myth, partially because they lived in a desert and they didn't really have a winter." Daniel smiled at her. "If you're going to be a great military leader, you should always understand the people that you're going up against. It could mean the difference between winning and losing."

"Or even having to fight," Blair added. "Not having to fight a battle but still winning it is the best solution to all military problems."

The First Wife smiled at them. "You are quite right about that. Not having to fight is always better." She held a hand out to her daughter. "Come, we'll get you one of your books and you can tell them one of your stories."

"Okay, momma," Kiara said, following her mother over to where they had a bag packed with things for her to do during the party.

Blair looked at Xander. "Ignore it," he warned quietly. "If you let that man get to you, you're going to make a scene and you'll be yelled at."

"Someone's touching Oz and looking happy," Xander ground out. "He just copped a feel and Oz moved away from him."

"Then Oz has it," Daniel put in. "Let him handle it." He glanced around, then smiled as Oz looked their way. Oz came walking over, leaving his group after a short explanation. "You all right?"

"Fine. Verbally spanked the guy with roaming hands." He leaned down and kissed Xander's cheek. "Relax, it'll be okay. No one here will upset you any more than they already have."

"Oh, I don't know about that," President Bartlett said as he walked over to them. "Xander, what problem did you have with that one reporter?"

"He was smirking and insinuating things," Xander told him. "I didn't ask to have him removed, I just got up and walked away. I was nice though, I didn't hit him first."

The President smiled. "Good." He glanced around. "Does it have anything to do with that tattoo on his arm?"

Oz choked. "Is that what he was?" Xander nodded. Oz turned to look at the President. "Yes, it does. That tattoo means he's part of an organization that some of us could do without. Nothing harmful, just annoying." He sipped his champagne as a woman walked past them. "We have a non-interaction thing going with them."

"Ah, I see." Bartlett saluted someone with his glass. "Then everything's fine?"

Xander nodded. "As long as he stays away from me, we're all good. And if he doesn't, I promise to keep my temper in check."

"Good. Thank you. It would look bad for one of our top diplomats in this situation to get into a brawl." He chuckled. "Not that I haven't had that same thought sometimes." He walked away, still smiling.

The man Oz had been talking to walked up behind him and put his hand on Oz's shoulder. "Introduce me," he suggested cheerfully.

Xander held out his hand. "I'm Xander Harris, his husband." He smiled as the man removed his hand. "These are Doctors Jackson and Sandburg," he pointed to each of them. "They were brought into the meeting at the same time I was."

Daniel gave him a polite smile. "They're really quite fascinating."

"And they could prove your hypothesis for your dissertation?" he suggested.

Daniel shrugged. "Maybe, but I think that they could probably prove it even without my help."

"And you, *Doctor* Sandburg, I've heard something about your work too."

Blair sipped his water. "Yes, I know. I had to lie at the press conference to give my dissertation enough time to be classified and my subjects protected."

"Would that have been that detective you were with?"

"No, it would have been someone that I was working with at the college. Detective Ellison," he grimaced slightly, "was a very good friend and I was working with him on something else. Cultural influences are usually ignored by the police department and I wanted to see if using some simple anthropological and sociological knowledge would help them when dealing with community issues. It turns out I was right and the knowledge of how different parts of the community reacts gave a boost to the arrest and conviction rate of the department I was working with. It's quite fascinating that no one in the police department ever looked at the causes of crimes, or at the harder aspects of more major crimes, how it's not always about the money. If you'd like, I can forward my findings on the subject to you."

The man smiled. "No, that's fine. It was a minor interest of mine, but it appears that it helped out. Would you be willing to give a presentation on the subject?"

"If asked," Blair agreed. "I managed to screw myself royally when I had to do some quick maneuvering about my diss."

"And the person?"

"Was fine the last time I knew. I haven't heard from them in ages, not since I let them go so they'd be safer and away from the press. The last I knew they were happy though."

"Good. That's excellent. It's good to know that you got that all straightened out. It's not too many researchers today who would give up everything to protect their subjects."

"My subject didn't want to become a lab rat in some government shadow facility," Blair said honestly. "Protecting them was foremost in my mind when I found them. But at least the information is out there when another person with similar problems comes to light. Hopefully, they'll get less press and be able to live a *normal* life."

The man nodded. "Indeed." He nodded at all of them. "If you'll excuse me." He walked away, smiling at some woman.

"Gee, husband," Oz said dryly. "Not at all acting out."

Xander smiled sweetly. "I'm holding in my temper," he said quietly. "I don't like it when people paw you any more than you like it when they do it to me, dear."

Oz leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. "No more alcohol," he said quietly but firmly. "We'll leave as soon as possible so you don't hurt someone, but don't drink any more. 'Kay?" Xander nodded. "Thank you." He drew back and smiled at the returning princess. "Hey, Kiara, how are you?"

"I'm okay, but a little bored. None of these people will answer questions for me."

Xander grinned. "I bet that I could find someone who would. We've got some really nice reporters here." He looked around and waved a thirtyish female over. "April, right?" he asked. She nodded, smiling slightly. "This is Princess Kiara and she needs someone to answer questions for her. I figured that someone of your caliber and intelligence, and ability because I caught your newscast last night, would be most able to help her in an understandable fashion."

"Because I'm female?" she asked.

"No, because you're good," Xander said with a smile, nearly a smirk. "If I wanted just a woman, Barbara's over there, but I think that you'll know more about what interests this little person, who is very interested in military things."

"Well, I did do a stint as a military correspondent," she admitted. "But just because I'm a woman...."

"You're the most qualified here," Oz told her. "Danny and Blair are anthropologists and Xander's a fantasy writer. Almost everyone else is a politician, so no one here can really give her what she wants to know because none of the Pentagon crew is back up today."

April smiled at him. "So you knew I did some military reporting?"

"I overheard you earlier," Xander admitted cutely.

She laughed. "All right, I'll take the compliment in the vein it was proposed." She looked at the little girl. "What can I tell you about?"

"Well, Danny and Blair have said that you need to know the people that you're going against. Do you agree?"

She nodded and pushed her glass aside. "Definitely. Human history is full of wars and battles, but most of the ones that have been lost have been because the person leading the losing side underestimated his opponents."

"You don't have women who make war?" she asked.

"Not many," April agreed. "Our history is patriarchal. Do you know what that means?"

"That means that the men control most everything," she said, happy to show off some of her knowledge. "We have a few cultures like that in the Empire. One of them wears fur and runs around with swords though."

April looked startled. "Really? We have movies about people like that." She shrugged. "Anyway, the biggest and best stories of war are from the Roman Empire."

"Were they around the Greek's time of history?" her mother asked.

April nodded. "Right afterwards. They conquered Greece, Egypt, and most of the rest of the known world at the time. They ruled for thousands of years and their influence can still be felt in Europe today."

"Some of their artwork and buildings are even copied to this day," Xander added.

April nodded. "There's a number of museums in the city that have some of their artwork. One of the local museum's building was even copied off a Roman design."

"And these people were great military leaders?" Kiara asked eagerly.

April smiled. "Some were. Some were great thinkers. Some were great artists. Some were leaders or orators, and some were just people."

Kiara sat up straighter. "I would like to know more about these people."

"Well, for an in-depth version of their history, you'd have to talk to a historian, someone who studied what they left behind. I can only give you a broad base of what little I know."

Kiara smiled. "But you're very good at it. You would make an excellent teacher." She looked at her mother. "Can we keep her around for a while?"

"I'm a reporter, little one, not a history teacher. I couldn't give you one tenth of what someone else could."

"But I like you," Kiara pouted. "You're nice, like mommy and mom. And daddy, but he's a man," she said with a wrinkle of her nose. "He didn't take history though. He took business classes."

The First Wife patted her daughter on the hair. "I'll talk with her about her staying with us for a few days." She looked at the reporter. "It would be a boost to you, wouldn't it? Helping us in these first few days."

"Are you kidding? I'll have the biggest salary in the country if I can get exclusives off you guys, but that would be somewhat unethical because I wouldn't feel right about printing the truth if I thought it might bother you."

The First Wife waved a hand and smiled. "Don't worry about that part. Most of what we're going to be doing is finding an embassy, decorating it, and setting up information centers. None of that should conflict."

April sipped her drink. "I'll think about it," she promised. "I'll tell you tomorrow?"

"That would be fine," the First Wife agreed. She looked at Daniel. "Do you have any stories from that time?"

"Some. Their greatest General was their first Emperor, Julius Caesar. He's the one that conquered most of what the Roman Empire became. He started out in the army and worked his way up to General." Kiara leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands. "He came up with a lot of plans for the army, including building solid roads so they could get places faster."

"It also kept the soldiers out of trouble when there was nothing else to do," Oz put in.

"Would that have been bad?" Kiara asked.

"Sometimes, especially back then, soldiers could go and cause trouble for the populace if they stayed bored for too long," Blair said diplomatically, looking at her mother, who nodded her understanding.

"Tell us about some of the lands he conquered," she requested.

"Well, if we had a map it would be easier."

"I have one of those," Kiara said happily. "I'm learning your geography." She dug in her bag and pulled out a small device, which popped up a 3-D map. "See?"

"Yes, it's a great map," Xander said. He pointed at Italy. "Rome was right about here, in the middle."

"Xander, change seats with me," Daniel said as he stood up. He sat down beside her and traced his finger around Europe. "Caesar conquered all this, and this place called Britton at the time. He also conquered part of this region," he said, pointing to Africa. "Part of that had been conquered by the Greeks, mostly by a man named Alexander the Great, but over time the people who held that territory grew weaker than the Romans so Caesar took it from them." He traced a line toward India. "Rome also took over the trade route from the East. That gave Rome economic superiority as well as military. Some peoples even aligned themselves with Rome to get at those goods instead of because they were conquered."

"And did this Caesar know a lot about the people?"

"He tried. Occasionally, he'd capture someone and make them tell him about their people. Sometimes, though, he fought blindly. There were barbarians in this area, now called Germany, that gave Rome fits for years because of their raiding."

"So, this Rome was very feared?" her mother asked.

"Feared, but also respected. While they had the biggest and hardest military around, they also had some of the greatest thinkers and artisans of their day. Every culture that they absorbed, they learned something from. Though they thought these others were lower beings than the natural born Romans, they did learn a lot from them, especially from the Greeks and Egyptians." A loud noise started on the other side of the tents. Danny and everyone looked that way.

"Why don't you take her and go back to the ship," Xander suggested. He stood up and looked toward where the trouble was obviously starting. He caught Oz's eye, and his sigh, and nodded. He would try to stay out of it, if he could. He, and a few other people, headed that way slowly, taking note of how many scruffy looking people were standing there waving signs and shouting obscene things. They saw him and the shouting picked up. "SHUT UP!" he yelled once he stood in front of them. "If you'd try rationality, we'd answer any and all questions."

"They're going to kill us all and take us as slaves!" one woman shouted.

"First, you can't do those two together," Sam shouted back. "They're mutually exclusive." He stepped up behind Xander and moved him back some. "Secondly, they don't want us as slaves. They have more than enough people to do whatever they want to do, and spare room to do it in. Like Mr. Harris said, we'd be more than happy to answer any questions as long as they're asked in a *reasonable* manner." A few of the people tried to push forward, but the guards held them back.

"Calm down! All you're doing is making asses of yourself!" the Chief of Staff, Leo something or other shouted, again trying to move Xander back out of the way. "Kid, move," he ordered quietly.

"Sir, I can fight with the best of them. Aren't there more important people here?"

Leo nodded. "Just stay back. You're not armed."

Xander opened his jacket to show off his sword sheathe. "I am, but it's not exactly a projectile weapon."

Leo nodded. "Guard the rear then." He turned back to the crowd. "These people have no more desire of taking us anywhere near their children than you do." He stepped forward another step. "They're here to start *trade* negotiations. They think we're like children. They don't want you sexually, mentally, or even physically. They have robots to do most of what you can do."

"Then why are they here?"

"Because having friends is a good thing," Sam reminded them. "Plus, we have some ores that are important to their way of life. Iron is especially important to their medical systems and they're running out. It makes sense when you think about it."

Someone in the crowd pulled a small automatic weapon from under his jacket and started to shoot at the crowd behind the two political appointees. "We'll die before we let them kill us!" he shouted, moving through the crowd.

Xander fingered his sword. He felt a knife slip into his hand from behind and threw it at the man, embedding it in his chest. Not in the heart, and not a killing blow, but more than enough to stop him. "Stop this!" he shouted. "If they had wanted to harm any of you, what makes you think they'd be so open about being here?" The crowd moved away from the injured man, letting a guard check him out. So he stepped forward. "Trust me, if they *wanted* to hurt you, they could very easily sit up on their ships and do it without any of us knowing that they're here." A few people sniffled. "The fact that they're so openly here means that they're *not* going to try and hurt you. Get over it, people, humans aren't top on the food chain and we're not the most brightly lit bulbs in the universe either." He turned away and went to check on his mate and friends.

The crowd shuffled for a few moments then, from the back, a chant started. "Go home! Go home! Evil shall not prevail! They're evil and should be destroyed!" The crowd perked up around the rallying cry and started to push in again.

Xander checked around, then nodded CJ over. "Get your people out of here and make sure the Queen's back in her ship. She's got safety measures." He gave her a light shove. "Do it," he called. "They're coming in whether or not you like it."

"Most of us know hand to hand," she called after him.

"Which doesn't work against bullets," he reminded her as he turned to go talk to the support staff, but Oz had that. "Do you have any other weapons?"

"Just my sword," Oz told him. "A short one at that."

"Me too. My katana's back in the suitcase." He waved Blair and Daniel over. "Where are they?"

"Ship. Everyone else is running for cover," Daniel told him. "We're weaponless."

Xander frowned at him. "Excuse me?"

"They took his throwing knife," Blair told him, looking around. "We're going to head with the civilians to try and protect them. Call us later." He blew kisses and ran off with his boyfriend.

Xander and Oz looked around, almost everyone was out of the way. The Secret Service had already cleared all White House staff that it could. That left a few guards, them, and Sam and Leo.

"Sir," a guard said. "Come with us please. We'll take you to safety."

"Take Sam and Leo first," Oz told them. "We're not helpless." He headed back to the crowd of guards and physically stepped in front of Sam. "Go, you're being evacuated." He felt Sam and Leo both back off and stared down the protester in front of him. "You need to leave," he said calmly. "You can't hurt anyone here without dying."

"Better to die at the hands of pigs than at the slimy hands of aliens." She spat at him.

Oz dodged it. "Okay then." He stepped back and the guards came with him. "They're not slimy. They're just like us, only more advanced. We could learn a lot from them if people like you didn't do things like this."

She laughed. "Then maybe they'll go home and kill each other." She pulled a gun and aimed it at him. Xander got between them and took her hand off, but not before she fired.

"Xander, sword against bullets doesn't equate," Oz reminded him, pulling him back. He watched her be dragged back into the crowd. Some cops were coming their way, in riot gear, with stun grenades. "Back up!" he ordered. Some of the guards followed orders, the others formed a side box around them. They were both grabbed and led away by one of the rear guards. When they were sitting in their rented car, Oz checked Xander over, frowning when he saw the bullet hole in his mate's shoulder. "You okay?"

"Kinda hurt," Xander whimpered. "Hotel," he ordered the driver. "Pay him," he told Oz quietly.

Oz leaned forward as they pulled away, tossing six hundred dollars down onto the seat. "Is that enough?" The driver nodded. "Thank you for waiting for us."

"Oh, I would have left as soon as the mob started running," he said lightly. He looked at Xander in the rearview mirror. "He okay? I can swing you guys to a hospital."

"It's stress," Xander ground out. "I react afterwards and tend to get really sick." The driver nodded and sped up. He looked at his mate. "Who handed me the throwing knife?"

"Some guard. I didn't catch which one." Oz held him gently, putting pressure on the wound so it would heal faster. "Did you catch our friends?"

"They left with the old Prez," the driver said as he pulled up in front of their hotel. "We're here, kids."

"Thanks." Oz slid out and helped his husband out, moving them quickly through the lobby. He was met at the elevator by the head of security. "The mob was being taken care of by police," he told him. "We're fine."

"Sir, your man is shaking like he was shot. I should know, I used to be a cop, had the same thing happen to me."

Xander shook his head. "Reaction. I knifed someone." He pushed the button. "I'll be okay once I take a long shower." The door opened. "We'll be fine. Don't worry about us. We're even going to stay upstairs tomorrow and eat in." He gave the house detective a weak smile. "We're okay." He got on the elevator and pulled Oz with him.

"If you need anything, call the desk and we'll send it right up," the detective offered as the doors closed. The turned to find the manager looking down at him from the balcony above. "They're fine."

"He had blood on him."

"Then he'll call down later, sir." The detective understood that mentality, he had been like that until he had gotten shot the second time. Being stoic was a manly trait that he admired in other people. He walked away, going to make a note on the security files. He would make sure they were prepared in case something happened.

***

Oz got Xander into the suite and into the bathroom, which was easily cleaned up if necessary, and then tried to get his jacket off him. "Shh," he whispered as he worked. He managed to finally get it off the injured arm and got a look at the wound. "Not that bad," he said objectively.

Xander chuckled. "If you say so. No lightening yet."

"That's okay. It'll give me a chance to get some of junk out of it." He went for a washcloth and wet it down, bringing it back so he could wipe off the wound. He managed to get two swipes into the inside, but Xander had passed out by then. The comforting lightening started in the back, working its way forward, cheering Oz up immensely. Just then, the phone rang. He grabbed the nearest one, a hands-free set specifically for the bathroom. "Yeah?" He smiled. "Hey, Methos. No, he got shot." He worked on getting Xander's shirt off before it melded with his skin and frowned when he saw another wound. "Huh?" The rambling on the other end repeated. "No, he was hurt. Did they? Not really surprised. Oh, there was at least a Watcher there. He pissed Xander off enough to make him want to hit the guy." He sighed when his mate stopped breathing and relaxed. It would be okay, Xander was like him now. "He just slid out," he said, balling up the dress shirt and tossing it aside. He stripped off his own jacket and shirt, then decided to go get dressed in comfortable clothes. "I don't know. Two wounds." He slid into sweat pants and a t-shirt, bringing something else for his mate to wear. He slid off Xander's shoes and socks, then his pants. "Three wounds," he noted, "this one's a graze though." He sighed as he sat down again. "I know, he'll be fine. The lightening took a few minutes to start. No, more like fifteen." He grimaced. "Wonderful. As long as no one comes up to check on us." He kicked Xander's sword away. "How much did you guys get? Really? It was a pretty move, when he took off her hand." He shook his head. "He got shot, Methos, not patted on the back. It was self-defense." He smiled. "Good. We'll be leaving tomorrow probably." Xander started to breathe again and he checked his watch. "Breathing but not awake."

"Well, fuck," Strife muttered as he appeared, half-dressed, bare footed, and hair more disarranged than usual. "What happened?" he asked Oz.

"Mob. Two assholes with guns." He tapped the microphone. "Wanna talk to Methos? He saw it all on the news."

"Nah." Strife squatted down and tapped Xander on the forehead. "Hey, you in there?"

"He got shot, let him rest," Oz advised. He smiled at the voice in his ear's suggestion. "Meth said to play with him, it'd make him come around."

Strife shook his head. "Not likely. You're right, he's outta it." He stood back up. "Want me ta go get someone?"

Oz shook his head. "We heal," he reminded him. Strife nodded and plopped down, staring at the body. "Did Danny and Blair get away all right?" he asked. Methos yelled something in his ear. "Ow!" He hung up on him. Strife raised one eyebrow. "He'll call back."

"You're not looking," Strife told him. "One bullet's still in there, snuggled up next ta his stomach." He reached over and ran a finger over the mostly-taut lower chest. "Right about there."

Oz looked at the wound on Xander's side. "That was a really lucky shot." He fingered the hole but he couldn't reach the bullet. "What do I do?"

"Cut it out?" Strife suggested, holding out a knife. "He'll heal from that injury too."

"But he scars," Oz reminded him as he took the knife. He got to his knees above the body and was about to make a shallow cut when someone knocked on the door. "Can you put him in the tub and fill it with water?" Oz asked as he got up to answer it. There was a maid on the other side. "We don't need anything."

She handed over a stack of towels. "The House Detective thought you might like that. He also said that the store was only open for another half an hour." She smiled. "Is he all right?"

"We found a small graze on his shoulder, you can tell him that. It's fine. I've cleaned it already." He slipped the knife into the back of his sweatpants and it instantly started moving south. "Thanks for these." He closed the door and tried to get it out, but it was in the wrong place. He shook his leg, making the blade scrape his ankle as it came out. He carried it back into the bathroom, smiling at the picture Xander made. It almost looked like he was sleeping. "Again?" he asked.

"Again," Strife agreed. "Want me ta do it." Oz gladly handed over the knife. He had to turn away as his buddy made the incision.

"Ya know, I wouldn't do this for any mortal. Probably not even Jacie." He plucked the bullet out and dropped it on the floor. He used a little energy to clean up the mess he had made. "There we are." He stood up and made Oz look at him. "I like you guys," he said with a grin. "You guys make my life interestin' an' full, but calm it down, 'kay?"

"I tried," Oz told him.

Strife just nodded and grinned brighter. "I know. Take him home, go on Leno, then live quietly for a few months. Then ya can disappear and he can do whatever."

Oz looked at the tub. "He wanted to help people disappear," Oz told him.

Strife giggled. "That's cool. I'll agree with that. He's great at screwing with people's lives. Just relax. It was bound ta happen sometime and what better time than tanight?" He shrugged and left them alone.

"Yeah, but it sucks," Oz muttered as he sat down. "I didn't want him to have to go through this." He felt an immortal's buzz and groaned. "Go away," he called. The door was tapped on gently. "Go away." It was tapped on again. He got up and answered it, glaring at the woman on the other side. "I'm not fighting, my mate was just injured." She handed him a bottle of scotch. "What's this for?"

She smiled. "It'll kill the taste of the metal from where I'm going to slit your throat." She pulled a knife. "We can do this here or outside."

"Lady, I don't care who you are. I just got done with a fight with a mob. My mate's injured. My teacher's on his way out, yell at him." He slammed the door in her face. It felt good sometimes to play childish and unknowing. "More immies per square foot than Paris and London combined," he muttered as he went back to care for his husband. He really hadn't wanted Xander to die a first death. It was always a traumatic thing. He knelt beside the tub and cleaned his mate's body as best he could. He could see the lightening working inside his body and willed it to work faster, before Xander had to wake up and see his new scars as open wounds.

***

Xander looked around the interior of the plane as he climbed on, smiling at the nice furnishings. Yes, this was definitely a good idea. He really didn't want to have to deal with other passengers today. He sat down on one of the chairs and smiled at Blair as he climbed on too. "Hey. How's it going?"

"Been better?" Blair replied sleepily. He sat down and tipped his chair back, closing his eyes. "If they move me, shoot them," he mumbled.

"Okay," Oz said as he got onto the plane. He stopped to look at Blair for a minute, then shrugged and took the seat next to Xander's. "We're ready." He looked up. "Thanks for the warning," he said quietly. Jace had popped into the bathroom behind him and had told him that the Fates were correcting their Zeus-inspired coldness toward them. Then she had pinched him on the ass and left. He looked at his mate. "This'll be an easy flight," he assured him. Xander was nervous and shaking. "Hungry?" He handed over the paper bag, they had stopped on the way for breakfast. Xander shook his head and handed it back. "You okay?"

"Just a headache," Xander said, giving him a weak smile. "I'm fine, Oz. No worse than usual." He patted him on the arm and buckled up as the plane's door closed. He heard the engines start, then suddenly cut out. "What happened?" he called. This was a private plane and had been checked out before they'd gotten to the airport.

The pilot opened the door and stepped into the cabin. "Sir, there's a Presidential escort here. They'd like a word with you."

"Sure," Xander said, waving a hand. "Open the door." He unbuckled his seatbelt. It was uncomfortable.

"Huh?" Blair asked.

"Go back to sleep," Oz told him. He looked over as Josh stepped onto the plane. "Are we in trouble?"

"Nope," he said with a smile. "But I need to hitch a ride. Siblinth and her crew are taking some sort of atmospheric craft to LA and they couldn't fit me." He nodded at the pilot to shut the door and waited for him to disappear. "Also, I have these," he said, pulling things out of his briefcase so he could hand them over. "Presidential commendations for your efforts last night. Though he was amused that you sent Sam and Leo out before going yourselves, and he did say it was a really good thing that CJ didn't punch you, Xander, for giving her an order."

Xander shrugged. "Yay. She was vulnerable and the press would listen to her. They weren't going to listen to me."

Josh nodded. "Both Prezes said thank you and it looked like you learned a lot from your time serving with the military." Both men looked clueless. "They were told that you acted on the military code of evacuation."

Oz nodded. "Oh. That." He shrugged. "Seemed like the thing to do. Sam and Leo are not quite as expendable as we are."

Josh looked him in the eyes, then leaned back. "Tell me what's going on," he ordered.

Xander glanced at the cockpit but the door was closed. "It's a really strange and long story," he offered.

"We've got three hours," Josh reminded him. He looked at Blair. "I'm sure he already knows."

Oz leaned forward as the plane started to taxi. "I'm immortal," he told him. Josh's eyes got very wide. "Xander picked up some of my abilities when we were bound. Us and the other couple we hang with."

Blair raised his hand. "And my honey too," he added sleepily. He sat his chair upright so he could look at the Junior Secretary of State. "You can't tell anyone though. Otherwise we'll be more hunted than the guy that I helped out for my diss."

Josh nodded slowly. "So, if you had been shot?" Xander pulled his shirt aside to show off the pretty new scar on his shoulder. "You were?"

"I was three times," Xander told him. "One was a graze." He smiled at his mate. "He took very good care of me and everything's fine though."

"How...who...." Josh ran a hand through his hair. "How did you find out?"

"We're all foundlings and we find each other," Oz told him. "Sometimes to kill each other, sometimes to teach each other."

"How old are you?"

"I'm Greek," Oz told him. Josh blinked a few times. "As in Ancient."

"Oh...my...god," Josh said, mouth hanging open at the end. "And...and others?" He looked at Blair. "There are others?"

"There's about five hundred of us that we know about," Blair told him. "I'm just a boyfriend though. Xander broke all the rules, and Oz is really sneaky." He glared at Oz. "How did Xander get Danny's throwing knife? That was my birthday present to him."

Xander shook his head. "Not a clue. It was handed to me behind my back." He pulled a juice out of the paper bag. "Want some? Oz is determined that I'm going to eat my own weight in food today."

"You need the nutrients to heal," Oz reminded him mildly. He knew Xander was going to throw a fit soon, he could tell, he just hoped it wasn't on the plane. Two plane crashes in his life were enough. Xander stared at him. "You do," he offered. "Otherwise you can't have sex later."

Xander rummaged through the bag and picked out a sandwich, taking a bite of it. "Better?" he asked between bites.

"Thank you." Oz patted him on the arm. "How's your stomach?"

"Itches. I'm still healing some." He finished off the small sandwich and reached into the bag, pulling out another sandwich. "Guess you were right, I'm hungry," he admitted before taking the first bite of that one.

Oz smirked internally, maybe there wouldn't be a hissy fit until they got home.

"Are all of you gay?" Josh asked.

Oz laughed. "No, just most of the ones we hang with. There's a few women, some men."

"A world-class jewel thief, some cops," Blair added.

"So, you're just like normal people, only you self-heal?" Everyone nodded. "No one's noticed this before?"

"We change identities," Blair explained. "Their lovers go with them when they have to do it if they care about them." Xander nodded. "He's thinking about how to make the changes happen."

"But I mean, the press, doctors, no one else has noticed this?"

"Oh, a few have," Oz said dryly. "There have even been a few who have tried to take us hostage and figure out what made us tick. They've usually lost the fight." He looked at his husband. "Hopefully, he's going to figure out a way to fix all that so we don't get noticed when we change."

"I'm thinking," Xander said as he finished that sandwich.

"As long as it doesn't interfere with the government, it should be fine," Josh told him.

"We'd have to change a lot of things, including social security numbers and possibly credit history," Xander told him. "That would probably mess with some bureaucrat's toes somewhere."

Josh nodded. "Yes, it would, but it would be a great help, especially if you also helped abused spouses," he pointed out.

Xander nodded. "I'd be more than willing to do that. As a matter of fact, I was planning on doing that as a front for the other stuff we'd have to do. That way immies won't get unduly noticed when they came in." He looked in the bag, then at Oz. "Are there any more bacon stuffed sandwiches?"

"Sorry, we only ordered two," Oz told him. "But there's ham," he suggested. "Or we have just egg. We also had at least one hashbrown in there too." He watched as Xander dug into the bag, then looked over at Blair. "Sorry, man, he's eating yours."

"I don't eat fast food anyway," Blair told him. "It's not real food, it's fake crap with hormones, which I have enough of." He looked at Xander, who had quit eating. "But if your stomach can handle it, have fun, man."

Xander nodded and finished that sandwich. "Good for me." He looked at Oz. "Can we eat at the airport?"

"Sure. There's always that little sports bar in LAX. Or we can drive through someplace out there." He patted his husband's stomach. "The more I feed you today, the better you'll feel by tomorrow. Trust me," he added when his husband looked at him.

Xander nodded. "Okay, I will for now." He leaned over and kissed him. "But I'm eating real food tonight, one way or the other."

"Hey, that's a great idea," Oz agreed. "I'm sure Meth will cook for us if no one else does." He stole another kiss then looked at Josh. "Now do you see why you can't tell anyone and why almost no one knows?"

Josh nodded. "I do and I'll keep the secret." He looked at Xander, then at Oz. "How did you make him like you?"

"It was a bonding spell gone horribly sideways," Xander said with a grin.

Oz nodded. "Definitely gone sideways." He looked at Blair, then at Xander. "Did you want to call Giles?" he asked quietly.

Xander thought, then shook his head. "Nope. Let Ray or someone call and tell him. I'm fine. He knows I heal."

"Is he like you too?" Josh asked. Everyone nodded. "Was that why you guys were together?"

"Giles and I both wanted Xander, we decided to share him. I knew Giles was a pre-immie and I started his training."

"And until Giles went funny, we were doing okay as a threesome," Xander added. "Then he went funny and now he's living in Florida and we're going home."

"And when you have to change?" Josh asked. "Will you send me an email in case we need to find you?"

"We're becoming Canadians," Oz told him. "Way out in the middle of nowhere." He smiled. "We both need the break from humanity for a while." He grabbed Xander's hand when the plane lurched. "I hate turbulence," he ground out. "I hate it with a passion."

"It'll be okay," Blair told him. "We're not falling out of the sky and it'll be okay. If it isn't then tell Danny that I love him?"

Oz nodded. "Will do. We'll try and protect you as much as possible." He renewed his grip on Xander's hand, making it more comfortable for his husband. "Just make it quit humping."

Xander patted him on the arm. "It'll be okay. I'll protect you from a plane crash." Oz looked at him. "What? I'll cradle you and we'll fall together, but I'll be on the bottom."

"You still scar," Oz reminded. Xander frowned. "I'd rather be on the bottom and cushion you."

Xander leaned over and gave him a kiss. "It doesn't matter."

"You guys are so cute," Josh told them with a grin.

"As long as we're not nauseating," Xander replied with a naughty grin.

***

Xander and Oz opened the door and stopped. No noise. D'Nalia and the boys were supposed to be there. Henri was supposed to be there. Methos and Ray were supposed to be there. Where was everybody? "Hello?" Oz yelled. He found a note on the counter and grimaced. "They left." He waved the note. "Call them?"

"Yes, I want to call them," Xander said coolly. "I want Methos and Ray cuddles." He grabbed the phone and dialed Ray's cellphone. "I died in our hotel room and you run away?" he asked when it was answered. He smiled. "Yay. I want cuddles. Get back here now or I'm going to hunt you down and hug you to death." He handed the phone to Oz and headed for the refrigerator. His husband was right, he was hungry. Dying took a lot out of a guy. "Are they coming back?" he asked when he heard the phone be hung up. He turned and looked at his husband.

"They'll be back in about an hour. They were on their way to LA when you interrupted their flight." He walked over and enfolded his husband in his arms. "You're eating so much to replace the tissue that you had to grow, which took from the stuff that you already had. It'll slow down by tonight," he said quietly.

"I know you wanted to keep that part of the life from me, but it was going to happen some time," Xander told him, hugging him back. "I get into way too much trouble to not have this happen sometime. Just think, it wasn't during a kidnaping," he said lightly. Oz gave him a squeeze and Xander slowly let go. It hurt to die and he had been very scared when he woke up. "Do I read more like an immie?" he asked quietly.

"I can't tell, I haven't been far enough away from you since it happened," Oz said into Xander's collarbone. He rubbed his face on the firm chest, noticing a slight difference in the feel of the muscles - must have been from the healing last night. "Want to have a soak?"

"No, I think I want this." Xander hugged him a little harder. "I wasn't lying, I really do need cuddles."

"Hey, cuddles I can do." Oz walked them to the nearest chair and sat them down, letting his mate inhabit his lap. He didn't remember his first death, but he was sure he had cried for at least a week afterwards, wondering if he was a demon - Methos had told him he had. Xander had it easier, he had him and their friends, plus knowledge about the life. He would be okay, with a little time. "You still wanna go on Leno?"

"Yeah, I owe it to Siblinth to be there to hold her hand if she needs it," Xander said quietly. "But I'm going on last. He promised me." He closed his eyes. "Can we have take out for dinner? And did they say where the girls and the kids are?"

"Methos said he sent them out to dinner on him." He rubbed the tense back. "Methos told me I screamed for a week," he said quietly. "I thought I was going to become some demon."

Xander pulled his head up and looked at him. "You did?" Oz nodded. "I guess I don't have that problem. I'm just worried that I'm going to end up in more fights because of this, or that I'm going to be looked at funny. Or that someone's going to pop up and tell me I'm not human anymore."

"Immies are still human," Oz reminded him.

"I know that, but somewhere I don't *know* that. If that makes sense."

Oz nodded. "It does. We're very different than most humans, if only because we don't die like everyone else." He gave him a squeeze. "But we're still human." He tweaked Xander's left nipple. "No matter how much you tell me I'm not."

Xander smiled sadly. "I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to suggest that you're not. But you're like a .... a cartoon hero some days. Like one of the x-men."

"So, we're human, but mutants?" Oz asked with a smile.

Xander shook his head. "I'm saying this all wrong."

"No, I understand perfectly. There are plenty of days when I feel like a mutant and the rest of the world is looking at me funny because I'm putting out some signal of abnormality. We all have days like that." Xander nodded and put his head back down. "But most of the time, I feel really human and cranky."

That got a weak laugh. "Thanks, Oz." He closed his eyes. "Can we stay here?"

"Sure. But one last thing? Strife asked us to stay out of trouble for a while."

Xander laughed. "I try. It's other people that get me into trouble."

Oz pinched him on the bottom. "Then I'll keep you away from other people for a while." He settled in for a long cuddle. Xander needed it and he was more than ready to help his mate deal with this. Methos had helped him, and together they had helped Jace. Xander meant more than that to both of them and they'd coddle him while he needed it.

D'Nalia and her boys ran in and he waved at them. "Hey," she said, peeking down at Xander. "Long flight?"

"Long week," Oz corrected. "We brought presents for the boys, they're in the purple bag on the table. Somewhere near the bottom." He patted Xander's butt. "We're gonna be right here."

She smiled. "Good. He looks like he could use you." She walked away. "Purple bag, guys, near the bottom."

"This thing is neverending," Ian complained.

Oz snorted. "No, those are in our closet," he called. Both boys came in and gave them hugs. "Good job, guys. Strife gave us the stories and they were great. Sam's reading them right now." They blushed and ran back to the table try and find their presents. Oz kissed the back of Xander's head.

***

Methos got out of Ray's way, mostly because he was pushed out of the way as his husband ran into the house. He followed behind him more slowly, sure he was going to get to cuddle the young immortal. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but the strong immortal signature wasn't it. He shrugged off his unease and headed into the living room. He found Ray curled up in Xander's lap, and both of them on top of Oz. He pulled Xander up and tossed him onto the couch, smiling when the young men looked up at him. "You were crushing his legs," he said in explanation as he sat on one side, Oz getting up to take the other. They mashed the young men between them and shared looks over their heads.

Xander looked up. "Did I read as an immie?" he asked.

Methos smiled sadly. "Yes, young one, you do." He stroked his hand through the long hair. "It may ease off though, once everything's back to normal in a few days." He smiled at Oz. "He reads almost as strongly as you do."

"That would figure," Ray reminded him. "We did all share quickenings." He looked at Xander, then back to his husband. "Will I do that if I die?" he asked. Methos nodded. "Are you basing it on evidence of prior bondings or just right now?"

"There's no evidence of prior bondings," Oz told him. Ray and Xander looked at him. "I've had someone looking through the Chronicles and there's no evidence of anybody doing anything like what we did. No sharing quickenings outside of a few immies. No bondings. No matings that made normal guys like you two into pre-immies." He shrugged. "We've searched everywhere. There was a hint of one, but it wasn't clear on anything and they both died at about the same time, about six months after the bonding."

"I guess we'll have to make our own Chronicle," Xander said, trying to sound practical.

"Scares ya, huh?" Ray asked, poking him.

"Yup," Xander agreed easily. He closed his eyes and leaned into Methos' side. "Does this mean I won't scar anymore?"

Methos shrugged. "I guess we'll have to see," he told him.

"Xander was thinking about having his scars removed," Oz told him. "He mentioned it being an identifying mark and there's an easy plastic surgery procedure to cure it."

Methos leaned his head back and thought. "I'd be happier if we didn't have to expose someone else."

"Lyman asked on the planeride over," Xander said quietly.

Ray shrugged. "He's a good guy, he'll keep the secret."

"Yes, he will," Methos said, looking at Oz, who nodded. "At least we'll have a friend in high places."

"He made us promise to send him some sort of notice about where we were going, in case Siblinth or her chosen representative needs us."

Ray grinned. "That's cool. What about Danny and Blair?"

"They're going to be moving on soon too," Oz told him, stroking down his back. "Danny's about to need the plastic surgery excuse himself if he doesn't change." He nudged Xander. "If you wanted to, you could study and do that."

Xander shook his head. "No. Not going to medical school. I don't want to do that." He looked at Methos. "You could do that though. You're a doctor."

"Yeah," Ray said with a grin. "You could do that, it'd be a great service to the immie community."

Methos groaned and shook his head. "Ray, you know I have no desire to serve the entire community. There are too many there that annoy me."

"It would though," Oz argued. "Then we could put you on retainer and pretend to go to you for looking younger. It'd add life to each of our lives and help us with transitions."

Methos grabbed Xander and pulled them both to their feet and took him away from the insanity of those two. Them and their plans. He walked them up the stairs to the main bedroom and laid them down on the bed. "Rest, love. We'll be safe from those two up here."

Xander just snuggled in and closed his eyes again. He was safe.

***

Giles nearly slammed his foot through the television. They were still running that fight from last night where Xander had to take that dreadful woman's hand. And now they were saying that he had left the city. He managed to control his temper for a moment and took a deep breath. "I will not act against the reporter," he told himself. "It's not her fault that she's stupid and vapid." He poured himself a drink of scotch and looked at the door as it was knocked on. He waved a hand and it opened to show that friend of Oz's. "Richard," he said dryly, saluting him with his glass. "If you're here for a fight, I have to warn you that I'm not the plebeian little creature that I once was."

Richard stepped in and closed the door. "We won't have a problem as long as you leave Xander and Oz alone until they're ready to deal with you," he said calmly. He could clearly see Discord's mark on this man's body. He wasn't strong enough to go against her, but he couldn't let him bother Xander in his fragile state. The boy had obviously died the night before.

Giles smiled at him and sat back down. "I have no intention of hurting him, but I will talk to him whenever he's ready." He sipped his scotch. "I was thinking about going to Vegas for a bit."

Richard shook his head. "Jace's will was enacted. Steve's running it for her on her orders."

Giles shrugged. "That'll be fine. I don't want to run it, I just want to be closer to my mates in case they need me."

"They don't need you," Richard told him, taking a seat. "Methos is still with him. He called me and asked for information. Apparently Xander reads as a full immortal at the moment." One of Giles' eyebrows went up. "We think it'll slowly fade with time."

"Good. I'd hate to have to hurt anyone that tried to hurt Xander." He smiled. "And I will."

"I know you will, but that's why I'm here. They can handle it, Giles." The other man shrugged. "And they want to handle it on their own."

Giles smiled. "Then I'll watch from afar for a while longer. I'm sure I can find something else to do for my patron."

Richard stood up. "Thank you. I'll tell them that you agreed." He bowed. "If you need my help, just ask. I'm still a force for good." He let himself out, going back to his ferrets. He had a great respect for Xander after having raised two ferrets since they were nearly babies. That man had a lot of personal strength and patience, he had raised over twenty ferrets.

Giles sat back and planned for his next move. If he couldn't move closer, at least he could take some of the stress off him. Maybe even do something about the boy's quickening energy.

***

Xander woke up warm, cuddled, and happier. He remembered what had happened, but for whatever reason he felt better about it now. He looked at Methos and smiled. One of his favorite guardians was frowning in his sleep so he leaned up and gave him a kiss on the lips. "I'm going to go snack," he whispered. The strong arms grabbed him so he couldn't move. "Methos."

"No, stay. Oz is bringing up food," Ray said from behind him. He smiled when Xander looked back at him. "You didn't know I was here?" Xander shook his head. "I guess that's good." He wrapped Xander in his arms too, mentally making a note to ask him if he was working out again since he felt lighter. "Are you feeling better?"

"Much," Xander admitted. "Now I'm just hungry, not worried."

"Good," Methos said as he dropped a kiss on his head. "We've heard from Richard. We think we can leach some of the quickening from you to bring you back to the pre-immie stage." Xander smiled. "Would you like to try? It'll be like it was in Boston."

"Before or after we have visitors?" Oz asked as he walked in with a tray. "Leno's on his way up." He put the tray across Methos' lap as he was the only one sitting right to hold it. "Apparently he's agitated."

Xander shrugged. "I just asked him to hold a show open this week."

"And he is," Oz agreed. "He said Friday was still on." He curled up next to his teacher and picked up a piece of cheese to nibble on. "Eat."

Xander picked up a sandwich and took a bite, then looked inside it. "PB&J?"

"It's about all we had. D'Nalia needs to go shopping, she's doing that now." He took one of the sandwiches and took a bite. "Peanut butter was stale." He shrugged and finished it. "We've got about an hour before he gets here."

Xander finished off his sandwich and picked up another one. "You need to make more."

Oz sighed and started to stand up but Methos grabbed him and kept him on the bed. "We'll make you more in a minute. After we make sure that you're really hungry." Xander pouted at him. "You do tend to nibble when you're upset," he reminded the younger man. "We'll make you more in a few minutes."

Xander finished off the sandwich and shrugged. "Okay, but I'm really hungry." He nibbled on Ray's neck. "I could always eat you."

Ray groaned and pushed his head closer. "I can do that too," he moaned.

Methos grunted in annoyance and grabbed Oz by the balls. "If you do, I'm going to do the same to Oz."

Oz looked up at him. "Is that really a threat?" he asked.

Xander looked over his shoulder. "If you do, can we watch?" he asked with a grin.

"Well, you're certainly back to normal," Methos sighed. He stroked down Xander's butt. "We'll play after the nice Mr. Leno leaves," he promised. "I'll even let you dance for me."

Xander grinned. "Okay." He snuggled in and closed his eyes. "Can we cuddle?" He knew all three men were looking at his crotch to see if he was really alright. He shifted so they could see the hardness. "I'm fine, guys. Really."

"Good. Just wondering," Oz told him. He leaned over and kissed Xander on the back, then pulled back and wiped through the jelly on his chest, eating it off his finger. "Do you really want to eat?" he asked Methos, who promptly moved the tray, rolled him over, and licked the jelly off for him.

***

Jay knocked again and the door opened before he could pull back his hand. He looked the man answering the door, then shook his head. "Not the current bodyguard?" he guessed.

"Husband," Oz told him, moving out of his way. He looked at the bald, dark skinned man behind him. "We're neutral territory," he assured him.

Xander bounced into sight and smiled at them. "Come out by the pool, guys. We made snacks." He walked that way. As he sat down on his chair, one of the twins brought him some tea. "Thanks, Ian."

"I'm Sean," he said with an eyeroll. Xander looked at him. "Okay, I'm Ian," he admitted with a grin. "We're bugging Mom."

"Maybe you shouldn't," Oz suggested. "She's really stressed with us coming back like this." The boy nodded and ran back into the house.

"Starting a little young?" Jay asked as he walked out. "I never knew that you could start butler training that young."

"The twins are our housekeeper's kids," Xander told him. "They've both just written stuff too."

"You're such a bad influence," Jay teased with a smile. He sat down near Xander, but facing him. "You knew?"

"For the last three years," Oz told him. He nodded Kevin out. "It's okay, man, we try very hard not to fight. It's a waste of energy."

"If we fight, we can't have sex later," Xander told him seriously. Kevin laughed. "Come sit and nibble." He handed the plate to Jay, then to Oz. He took one of the last sandwiches himself and leaned back to eat.

Ray walked out a few minutes later with a larger, fuller plate. He put it next to Jay, far away from Xander's grabbing fingers.

"Ah, the bodyguard," Jay said, smiling at him. "How are you?"

"Much better than we were," Ray responded, sitting next to Oz. Xander looked at him. "I'm stealing him for a few. You can have mine until I'm ready to take him back."

Xander smiled and nodded. "That's cool. I like cuddling with your man." He looked at Jay, who was looking a little shocked. "It's not an orgy, we're best friends. I get cuddles from both of them whenever I need them."

"I guess a mob coming for you would necessitate that," Kevin suggested as he sat down. He looked at Oz, then at the kitchen. "Is there another one of you here?"

"He's like you?" Jay asked. Everyone nodded. "Well, damn. How many of you guys are there?"

"About five hundred that we know of," Oz told him. He looked at Kevin. "Never go to New York. I was in my hotel room and got challenged by some rabid female who handed me a bottle of liquor so I, quote, wouldn't taste the metal as she sliced my head off." Kevin smiled. "She had no idea who she was dealing with. I slammed the door in her face."

Xander looked at him. "Was I conscious then?" Oz shook his head, but didn't look at him. "Thanks, babe. I knew you could have taken her."

Oz smiled at him. "I'm sure I could have too."

Kevin laughed. "Which one are you?"

"I'm Oz."

Methos walked out and looked him over. "Two hundred?"

"Just a little older," Kevin admitted. He looked him over. "I can feel age and you're burning my senses, man."

Methos smiled at him. "Good." He sat down with Xander, handing him a breadbowl filled with dip. "Hopefully this will blunt your appetite." He looked over at Jay and Kevin. "Did you really need to know which one I was?"

Kevin shook his head. "No, man, as long as you're friendly."

Methos chuckled. "Usually." He tapped Xander on the nose. "Eat the bread."

"I want to know why I'm so hungry," Xander complained.

"Did you just die?" Kevin asked. He saw the wince. "Sorry, we saw the footage."

Oz sighed. "Three gunshot wounds. We had to take one out of his stomach." Xander looked over at him. "The guy in black leather did it because I couldn't."

"Ares?"

"Strife."

"Oh. That's cool." Xander pulled off a piece of bread and dunked it into the dip, then ate it. "So, what's wrong? Didn't believe me?"

Jay frowned. "Would you? You call up out of the blue and tell me that the biggest story known to mankind was going to be dropped in my lap this week and I should keep a show open. Then the aliens land and I catch a clue." He frowned at Kevin, who was laughing. "Then laughing boy here recognizes you at the landing ceremony, which we were glued to." He smiled. "The picnic was your idea, wasn't it?"

Xander nodded. "That way no one could say that they used some sort of mind control device on everyone. It was meant to calm down the sign-waving idiots."

D'Nalia stuck her head out the door. "Have you seen Sean?"

"Not recently," Xander told her. "He was playing in my room the last time I saw him."

She nodded and ducked back in, then back out almost immediately. "Your publisher called. He said he understood now, but he was going to go to the source now." She smiled. "And that you owed him another story." She disappeared, going to look for her errant son.

Oz looked at Xander. "You do have that half-finished one," he suggested. Xander nodded.

"You're still going to write?" Kevin asked.

"The story goes that I've had some really good plastic surgery," Xander told him. "We're disappearing next year." The other immortal nodded, he could understand that.

"Then what?" Jay asked.

Xander shrugged. "I've got a few ideas and I'll still be writing, just not publishing."

"Well, I can tell you that there's been some backlash against you. We've had some letters from fans saying that I shouldn't let you on again."

"That's why I put 'as retold by' on the books," Xander sighed. He looked upwards. "Why me?"

"Because you like being popular," Oz reminded him. "Next life, you're going to be a recluse, right?"

Xander nodded. "I want to. Maybe do some more traveling."

Oz smiled. "Good. We can do that." He looked at Jay. "Don't worry, he'll be making a statement tomorrow about that. We've already arranged it through the LA Times. A reporter that once interviewed him here about a cop harassing us works for them now and she asked for one."

Xander grinned. "Okay. I can do that. Wanna help me write it later?"

"I want to see this writing room that someone said something about," Jay told him.

Xander slid out of his chair and put his breadbowl down. "Sure. I can give a great tour. You're not allergic to animals, right?"

"Not at all. I have a cat at home."

"Good." Xander led the way into the house, stopping to let them look into the auxiliary library, then the office. He opened the door to his writing room and frowned at the boy sitting in there. "Ian, your mom's going to shit ferrets." The boy smiled up at him. "This is my writing room, and a twin of our housekeeper, whom you've already met." He got out of the older man's way so he could go admire the tapestries. Jay came out with a heavy blush. "It's just such a me room," Xander told him as he led the way to the animals' room, where they ran into D'Nalia. "Ian's in my writing room," he told her as he bent down to pet one of the puppies. "These are our babies and our housekeeper, D'Nalia." He looked at Jay. "I think you probably know who he is."

She smiled and waved. "Pull up a litterbox," she offered. She turned to look at Xander. "Don't introduce my boys to your publisher. I want them to get a contract the normal way so they don't feel cheated of the effort." She stood up and grabbed the bag of dirty litter. "All clean. I'm going to find the other one." She left them alone.

Jay counted then looked at Xander. "Lost a few?"

"A few ferrets got adopted since the last time I talked to you, and a few of the animals have died," he said sadly, letting the puppy go. He stood up. "We've done all we can, but a few of them didn't adapt very well and some of them were old when we got them."

"You went *there*?" Jay asked. Xander nodded. "Oh, man. What's it like? Is it like here? Do the women all dress like that?"

"A lot like here, only less crowded. And yes." He grinned. "They're held up with magnets." He led the way to his sewing room. "This is where I wear out my frustration and boredom."

Jay smirked. "You, bored?"

"All the time," Oz called. "Phone. It's Angel."

"Coming," Xander called. "I'll be back." He headed into the office and picked up the phone. "Hey, man, long time no hear." He listened, then leaned against the desk. "Why?" He shook his head. "If you say it's okay, then I'll deal with it." He laughed. "Thanks." He hung up and turned to find Oz standing there listening. "He said that the problem with Devi's will is over with." He hugged his mate hard. "Thank you for whatever you did," he said quietly.

"I only threatened them," Oz admitted.

Xander pulled back. "But he said that he heard that one of us attacked the family and taught them to leave me alone." Oz shook his head. "Not you?" Oz shook his head again. "Giles?" Oz nodded. "Damn."

"At least he's trying to take care of you," Oz soothed, patting him on the head. "Come on, we've got guests." He led Xander out to the poolside, and handed Kevin a card. "It's holy ground," he told him. "Welcome to all immies." He sat down with Xander and handed him the breadbowl when he reached for it. "We're checking you out later," he told him, watching him eat. He looked over as Jay walked out with a cat. "She's adopting you?" he asked.

Jay sat down and the cat clung to him. "Apparently, she jumped on me and won't let go."

Xander looked at the cat, then shook his head. "We're firm believers that our animals pick their masters. She's apparently chosen you. Will your cat allow it?" He ate another section, then used his fingers to scoop out the dripping dip.

"He will. He's been bored recently." He patted the small kitten. "You're very soft."

"She always is, but she sheds," Oz warned.

"And she likes to sleep against my butt," Xander warned.

Jay grimaced. "Thanks for the warning."

Kevin stood up. "We'd better head back. We still have a show to tape tonight." He smiled at Xander. "Thanks for the information and the safe haven." He looked down when he figured out something had grabbed him. "I can't have animals. My housekeeper's allergic."

Oz looked down at the puppy and shook his head. "He can't take you home."

"Yes he can," Jay scoffed. "His housekeeper will take medicine." Kevin looked at him. "You said she's quitting anyway."

Kevin shrugged. "Okay." He picked up the puppy. "Is that okay with you?"

Oz waved a hand. "She picked you. Just be good to her, we'll be checking."

Ray grinned. "Relax about it, we trust you to be one of the good guys. Or else I'd have to get pissed and come after ya."

Kevin nodded. "Thank you for trusting me." He cuddled the puppy to his chest. "Do you have a carrier?"

"In the closet in the pet room. Take one of the tan ones, they're the oldest." Oz handed Xander one of the sandwiches off the plate when he saw the longing look. "I'm checking you over later," he warned.

Methos looked over at them. "I'll do it. I do have the training."

Kevin looked at him. "Fully, in the present?" Methos shook his head. "Damn. I have a physical next week for NBC."

Methos smiled. "There's a doctor in LA who is one of us. He's working out of UCLA in the pediatrics department."

"Thanks." Kevin loaded his puppy into the carrier and picked it back up, ignoring the pitiful whimpering. "Later, guys."

"Anytime you need to run, hide, or just need a break, go to the resort in Vegas. We run it," Oz called after him. He shook Jay's hand. "We'll see you on Friday. I'll stay in his dressing room, out of the camera's view."

Jay smiled. "That's probably a good idea since you're supposed to be dead, Oz." He walked away with his new kitten.

Xander finished off his sandwich and snuggled in. Until he belched. "'Scuse me."

Methos shook his head and stood up. "Come on. We'll go check you out right now, young man, before you go broke trying to feed yourself." He led Xander upstairs and closed the bedroom door. "Where did you get shot?"

"Shoulder, side, just above the knee with a graze." He took off his shirt to show off his new scars and his slightly sunken stomach. "Oz said I had one stuck and Strife took it out."

"All right." Methos looked over the smooth chest carefully and came to an unfamiliar mark. "Make that four," he said quietly. He looked at Xander. "I'm going to have to knock you out," he warned. Xander nodded so he grabbed his emergency kit and opened it. "This won't sting very much," he soothed, drawing out some of the sedative. He stuck it in Xander's arm, catching him and putting him on the bed in a good position. "Oz!" he yelled. Oz and Ray both came running. "I found another hole. Ray, you won't want to watch." He pulled out his mini surgical kit. "Go steam these," he ordered, handing them to Ray. Xander had a steamer set up in the bathroom because they got hurt so much. "Oz, I'll need you to strip him so I can clean myself and his skin. We'll search for other marks as soon as I'm sterile." He walked toward the bathroom himself, swearing mentally. He didn't want to have to do this. He really wished that there was some other doctor that they could trust. He hated working on his friends. He scrubbed up as well as he could, then slid into his sterile gloves. He walked back out to find Oz circling another mark. "Another?"

"Two more," Oz said grimly. "I've marked and swabbed around them," he said as he stepped back. He watched as Methos looked over the marks he had circled. One was crossed off. "When did he get that?"

"Europe, the last time. It was an accident on a playground." He touched the next mark, then smiled. "Yes, there's a bullet in it." He moved to the next one. "And this one too." He took the kit from Ray's hands, spreading out beside Xander's body. "Ray, out," he ordered. "Oz, you too."

"No," Oz told him. "I'm staying to hold him. If I don't and he wakes up, he'll flinch."

"Fine. But stay out of the way. I can't do this if you're going to flinch or try and stop me." He picked up a scalpel and started on the nearest mark. He saw the flinch, but Oz didn't say anything so he let it go. He had to cut deeply, and the bullet came out with a little coaxing. The next one wasn't quite so nice, it had went in at an angle. "No wonder," he said as he pulled it out. "His body's been repairing the holes since it happened." He dropped the bullet onto the towel Ray had laid out before leaving. "Let me check him over." He watched as the wounds he had made started to heal. "You're right, it's still a little slow in coming." He found another mark and slowly probed it, coming out with another bullet.

"No wonder he's been eating all day," Oz groaned. "I only found the two."

"It could have been hidden by his clothes. His healing could have worked without you being aware of it. You said you didn't get him undressed right away." He checked all the wounds and smiled when he saw they were healing. "We should have a normal Xander by tonight," he pronounced. He stepped back and took off his gloves, throwing them away. He picked up his tools and went to clean them off, letting Oz cuddle with Xander until he woke up. He hated doing this, but it was a good thing this time. He could accept it when he had to. He just hated that Xander got hurt so very often.

***

Xander hung up the phone and looked at Ray, who had helped him with his statement. "Think that was okay?"

"It was good," Ray told him. "You didn't even lose your temper. How long have you been doing that anyway?"

"The last few weeks," he admitted.

"Since we came back," Oz yelled as he walked past the door.

"Have not."

"Have too!" Oz stuck his head in. "I think you're still coming down from the air up there."

"Or something in the food," Ray suggested.

Oz shook his head. "We brought home some of the food and there wasn't any difference after the diplomatic dinner. I think it's the air." He disappeared again. "We have a flower arrangement."

"Why?" Xander got up and followed the sound of his mate's voice. "Flower arrangement?" He looked at the large bunch of flowers. "From whom?"

"Bartlett's wife." Oz handed him the card. "She's thanking us for not only providing this opportunity, but for giving her a woman she can complain about men to." He walked away. "We're having breakfast in a few minutes. I made eggs."

"Good." Xander put the card aside and followed the tempting butt. Maybe he wouldn't have eggs..... Oz looked really good this morning. Maybe he would have Oz for breakfast. He grabbed his husband and shoved him against the wall, taking his mouth in a harsh kiss. Then he knelt down and ripped open his lover's sweats so he could swallow him whole. He heard giggling but he ignored it. The boys couldn't see anything with how he was holding himself. Oz pounded his fists against the wall but he let it happen. He was good. "I feel better now," he announced, licking his lips as he headed into the kitchen to get food.

Oz groaned as he rested his head against the wall. "Gods, he's back," he complained.

D'Nalia stuck her head out of the dining room. "Oz, I need someone little to crawl inside one of those neverending bags of you and grab my son. Apparently, Sean's been hiding in one of them since last night," she told him with a grimace.

Xander walked out of the kitchen and shrugged. "I can probably get partially inside one. Want me to look?" He glanced at Oz. "I think he needs breakfast before he does anything strenuous today." She nodded and pulled back, letting him into the dining room to help too. He opened the bag. "Are you sure he's in here?"

She nodded. "His brother said it was this one. He also said it was really neat that it didn't weigh more now when he picked it up."

Xander stretched upwards, popping his left shoulder. Then he did his neck and his back. "Okay, just make sure I don't fall in." He opened the top of the bag. "Sean, it's me," he called as he stuck his head and arms inside the bag.

Methos walked in and handed her a rope, then anchored it around Xander's ankle. It was usually used for sex play, but it would do for this rescue. He watched in fascination as his lover wiggled his way into the carpet bag.

"That boy's in a league of his own," D'Nalia said in awe.

"Definitely," Methos agreed. While he waited, a naughty thought occurred to him - he could carry the Xander around in one of those and pull him out for a quick sex fix wherever he went. No passports, and very little maintenance.

"No," Oz said from behind him. "He'd require a bathtub too and the bag would leak." He handed Methos a plate and looked down inside the bag. "What's it like?" he called.

"Kinda dark, but really fun. I found the jeweled cock ring we lost the last time we used this one." It came flying out and hit D'Nalia on the head.

"Just get the son," she called, looking at the toy. "This is really pretty." She handed it to Oz. "I think I saw him wearing that last year sometime."

"Oh, hey, a portal!" Xander called back happily. "Sean, your mother's shitting kittens!" he yelled. The boy slowly appeared out of the opening of the bag. Xander's head popped up. "Did you know that we had a family of something that look a lot like hobbits living in the portal in here? And they're really nice too." His head disappeared.

Oz grabbed the rope and started to pull his husband out. "No, no more portals. Never again, Xander. No more portal and no hobbits, and get out of the bag!" He yanked really hard, bringing an ankle.

"Ow! Oz!"

"Get out here or I'm going to give all our sex toys to the kids."

"Yes, sir," Xander sighed, wiggling his way until his head was sticking up and he was coming out. He handed over the book. "I found your journal too," he said with a shy smile.

Methos helped him out, dusting him off. Then he snatched the journal and went to eat his breakfast without strange things. Hopefully, Xander wouldn't give Ray any ideas. But then again, having a stored sex toy while they traveled.... It might be worth it after all.

The End Is Near.

Xander looked out across the back lawn and smiled.  It was time.  He was happy with what he was going to be doing and where he was going.  He and Oz had agreed that it was time.  It had been three years since the aliens had landed, and they were almost universally accepted.  Except for their math; there were a number of mathematicians who were quite perplexed at how two plus two equaled seven-point-nine in their math and they had progressed into a dominant space- fairing race.  There were people who were still protesting them being down here, namely some hard core Jewish, Islamic, and Christian groups, but it had brought the religions together finally, so it was probably mostly a good thing.  Xander turned to face Oz, who had opened the back door.  "Twenty years?" he asked as he walked over to join him.

"It's going to Ray and Meth," Oz reminded him.  "We'll be visiting the house often."  He patted Xander on the butt as he closed the door.  As they walked out to the car, he knew Xander was looking around, but they'd be back.  Meth and Ray had promised to invite them back in about a year.  Until then, they'd be traveling and Xander would be working on his next life.  It had been funny, watching him doing all the preparation.  A blond Xander was a funny-looking one.

Flashback:

Xander looked at his hair in the mirror, frowning at the options in front of him.  He hated wigs.  They itched and he sweated under them.  Not to mention that he had a problem with all his hair staying up.  So he was going to dye it, but he wasn't sure if it would affect the white streaks.  The test dyes had come out funny and he wasn't sure he was ready to do that to his beautiful and Oz- loved hair.  A flash behind him made him turn and smile at Jace.  "Do you think I can dye my hair and not mess up the white streaks?"

She frowned as she picked up a few strands to look at.  "Probably not."  She let it go.  "I came down for fun, and to help."

He grinned.  "Can you make me a blond?"

Jace shook her head.  "I'm not a God, sweetie," she reminded him.  She hopped up onto the counter.  "You could dye it, I'm not sure there's any other alternative to change the color."

He picked up a piece of hair he had tested yesterday and held it out to her.  "The white streaks won't hold any color.  It slid off.  I haven't tried bleach yet."

She looked at the strands, then shrugged.  "It shouldn't be any different."  She smiled.  "But I'd hate to be you when it starts to grow out.  You're going to have to dye the whole mass."

"Go red," Oz called from the bedroom.

"No!"  Xander shook his head.  "He wants us to match," he told his friend.  He and Jace had started to spend a lot of time together in the last year.  Ares had been a little busy, but he wouldn't let Cupid anywhere near her.

She giggled.  "You'd look cute, but a little too cute."  She picked up some of his hair, weighing it in her hand.  "You should probably cut some of it off, dear.  It's as a very loud sign that you're you."

He shook his head.  "Oz will kill me.  I suggested it and found myself tied to the bed for the next three days until Oz had 'convinced' me to never touch it with a pair of scissors."  She chuckled.  "He's *seriously* in lust with my hair."  He looked in the mirror again.  "Light blond?"

"No, darker blond.  Your hair won't bleach that much."  She glanced at the door. "What about your roots?  Or when you want to go back to your natural color?"

He looked her in the eye.  "I'm going to beg Strife so I don't have to cut it all off and start again," he said seriously.

The bathroom door slammed open.  "I thought we had settled that," Oz said calmly.

Jace looked at him.  "If he dyes it, he'll end up with roots.  Eventually, he'll want to go back to his natural color, which means he'll either have to regrow it all out or cut it all off and start over so he doesn't have two or three toned hair."

Oz shook his head.  "I'm going to look at Cupid and beg so we don't have that problem," Oz told her.  "No snipping the hair."  He closed the bathroom door.

Xander and Jace looked at each other and giggled.

"What's going on?  I hear mirth," Strife asked as he appeared.  He looked at the two boxes of dye.  "You're goin' blond?"  He crossed his arms and glared at Xander.  "Why are ya goin' blond?  There's not enough dark haired guys around, especially not that are like me.  If you leave the fold, then I'll never get ya back."  He didn't want to lose Xander as his buddy.

"Because I need to not be me," Xander told him.  "It's for my next incarnation."  He hugged his other buddy.  "Unless you wanna do something about the hair."

Strife ran his fingers through Xander's hair.  He had as much of a hard-on for Xander's hair as Oz did, but he had never mentioned it.  If the guy ever cut the mass off, he was going to steal half of what was cut for his own personal fun.  He thought for a few moments, then smiled.  He'd get him back sometime, Xander would be a brunette again some day, he'd make sure of it.   "I can make ya blond," he offered.  "But it's gonna be strong."

"Strong smell, strong look, or strong statement?" Jace asked.  She knew that Strife liked the kid, and if he could get away with it he'd be stealing Xander from Oz, so the hint of amusement in his eyes was shocking.

"Strong statement.  I can bleach it out for him."

"We were going for natural," Xander told him.

Strife shrugged.  "Your hair won't wanna take the dye," he told him.  He nodded at the test strands, which hadn't liked the dye at all.  "No muss, no fuss. No bad smells stinkin' up the house for days."

Xander looked in the mirror.  "Do it," he requested.  Then he passed out after the light had cleared out his eyes.

Jace's eyes opened wide, and she started to babble while pointing at Xander's head.

Strife shrugged.  "It's the best I can do," he told her.  The door opened and he shrugged at Oz.  "I tried," he told him.

Xander woke up and looked up at Strife.  "That was great," he told him, sitting up.  "I'm a blond."  He noticed his husband.  "What do you think?"

"I think I want a Strife-skin blanket," Oz said dryly.  Strife eeped and disappeared.  He helped his husband off the floor.  He fingered some of the hair. "It's soft," he said in awe.

Strife reappeared.  "Then you're not mad?"  Oz glared at him.  "What?  He wanted ta be blond!"

Cupid appeared.  "You called?" he asked Strife.

Strife grinned and pointed at Xander.  "His new look."

Cupid tipped his head to the left.  "Well, he's a blond."  He pulled Xander closer, looking at his hair.  "It won't grow out for a while."  He let the immortal go, then shrugged.  "He looks different at least."  He looked at the bare chest.  "You need a tattoo to go with the new look."

"It won't last," Oz reminded him.  He traced a remaining scar, Xander had most of them shaved down a year earlier.  This one was very faint.  "You could use something to differentiate your body," he agreed.  He looked at Cupid, then at Strife.  "Any ideas besides a tattoo?"

"Piercings?" Cupid suggested.

Xander shook his head.  "Temporary tattoo?"

"You'd got to apply the same one every week for however long you plan on keeping it."  He looked at the taut skin.  "You could gain some weight," he offered.

"Not a chance," Xander said firmly.  "I have too much trouble losing it again."  He looked at his buddies.  "What about you guys?"

"New clothes," Jace told him.  "Tight jeans. Long t-shirts.  Comfy boots.  More of a street meets hippy look."  She looked at Oz, who shrugged.  "That'll be very different from your usual velvet and silk look."

Cupid nodded.  "I can see that."  He waved a hand and Xander was dressed in tight, worn-soft, faded jeans, a long dark green t-shirt, and a pair of hiking boots.  Strife waved his hand and changed the boots to something tougher, biker boots.

Jace sighed. "I want to be able to do that sometimes."

Oz's mouth fell open.  "You're hot," he said finally.  He grabbed Xander and pulled him into the bedroom, forcing him onto the bed.  The jeans and boots were removed so fast Xander was still grinning, at least until Oz slicked himself up and mounted him.  "I like that look.  You're keeping it for a while," he ordered as he thrusted.

Xander laid back and took it, smiling over Oz's shoulder at his buddies, who were watching.

***

Xander walked into the local vo-tech center, smiling at the woman behind the desk.  "I want to sign up for cosmetology classes?" he asked.  He had intentionally lowered his voice so he sounded sexier, but tougher.  A little hoarse, but still worthy of worship.   His jeans were tight and soft, his t-shirt was spandex, and his boots clicked because of the taps he had put on the bottom.  "Can I do that here?"

She blinked a few times.  "You want to be a hairdresser?"  He was not their normal student.

He leaned in.  "I want to do very special hair, but I need to learn how to do that," he seemingly confided.  He smiled and she melted.  "Can I sign up here?"

She nodded and handed over the forms.  "You'll need to get some health certificates," she told him.  He handed over his forms.  She smiled and read through them.  "That's fine," she told him.  "There's a three hundred dollar fee for the gear and the tuition...."  She stared at the cash that had been put on the counter in front of her.  She looked at him.  "You're really serious?"

He nodded and handed back over the filled-out the forms.  "Very."  He pulled around his white- blond braid to play with.  "I have plans for my own business, but I need know how to do this for part of it."  She nodded, looking eager.  "My lover manages a resort in Vegas and I wanted to open up a full-service spa out there."

She smiled.  "That's good.  People could always use some relaxation."  She looked over the form and frowned. "You don't have a permanent address?"

He chuckled and watched her rub her thighs together.  "I'm in the process of moving. I'm looking for a better address right now."  He leaned on the desk.  "Do I need to do anything else?"

"No.  Classes start in two weeks. Follow me and I'll get you your kit.  You'll be starting with six women," she told him as they headed for the back office.  She waved one of the teachers over.  "This is your newest student, Quinley," she told the older woman.

He shook her hand.  "Hello."  The older woman looked him over.  "You don't like?"

"You'll have to dress a little more professionally," she told him.  "Jeans are fine, but leave the tight t-shirts at home please."  She picked up his braid and looked it over.  "You'll also have to do something with this every day."

Xander pulled it out of her hand.  "I tend to braid it.  I'm learning so I can open my own spa," he told her.  "But I can dye it pretty temporary colors."  He smiled.

She laughed.  "Good, you're not a pushover."  She nodded.  "You'll do fine.  Do you have everything done?"  The first woman nodded.  "Good.  Then you'll start in two weeks.  You'll be learning non-stop for the first month, then you'll be splitting your days between working and learning.  Are you allergic to chemicals?"

"Not that I know of," he told her.  "I do have to warn you, I have a sense of humor."

The teacher chuckled.  "That's fine.  Bring cartoons if you want."  She saw a student waving.  "I'll see you in two weeks."  She headed for the desperate looking student waving for her.

Xander continued on to get his gear.  He looked inside the bag and sighed.  It was all stuff he could get in LA, and he could definitely find better stuff there.  He took his bag out to his new car and climbed in, looking over at Oz.  "I'm in," he told him as he started the engine.

"Good.  How long does it take?"

"Eighteen months if I don't take summer classes."  He pulled out of the parking lot.  "I'll be out in a year if I take summer classes."

"Cool.  I'll let you do my hair in a few months," Oz told him with a grin.

Xander laughed.  "Brave man," he told him.  "That'll be after we go get me real stuff in LA."

Oz groaned.  "Shopping?"

"Substandard equipment," Xander told him.  "Dull scissors and razors.  I even saw rust."

Oz nodded.  "Shopping."

****

Xander accepted his certificate with a smile, not flinching at the camera flashes.  He had everything he needed now.  Everything was packed up and they could move on.  He walked off the stage and right into Ray's arms.  Ray was taping the graduation ceremony for their husbands so that no one would see them.  "It's all done," Xander told him as they walked out of the auditorium.  "We can go."

"Methos and I helped Oz pack everything up," Ray told him as they climbed into the back of the hired car.  "We'll take good care of the house for you while you're gone," he teased.

Xander nodded.  "Good.  I'll expect to come back to it in the same condition."  He looked at his friend.  "I had better come back to a house in good working order."

Ray's grin got brighter.  "Of course."

End Flashback.

Oz led Xander out to the car, letting him get into the back first.   "Airport," he told the driver.

"Which terminal?" the driver asked as he pulled away from the house.

"International," Xander told him, touching some of his red hair.  He had put in some temporary dye in yesterday.  His blond hair was disturbing in so many ways, the worst being that it nearly glowed in the dark - and did glow under blacklights.  He didn't like red, but it wouldn't go any darker and the dye would only last for a day before sliding out.  "We're going to Montreal."

Oz grunted, "Vancouver."

"I thought we were heading to Montreal first," Xander complained with a frown.  "For the festival."

"That's next month," Oz reminded him, patting him on the knee.  "We're going then."  He closed his eyes.  It was a two hour trip and he needed a nap.  Liquidating most of their assets so they could disappear was mentally and emotionally taxing.

Xander held him close, comforting both of them.

***

Two Years Later (Five Years After The Aliens Landed):

****

Xander leaned into the office.  "Is it done?" he asked hopefully.  "I've got someone coming in six hours."

"Not yet," Oz told him, taking another few keystrokes.

"Aw, come on," Xander whined.

"Make that noise and never get laid again," Oz warned.  He looked up but Xander had disappeared.  "Good."  He typed something else in and previewed his work.  "Hmm.  Not quite him."  He went back to typing, trying to figure out how to fix it so Xander would squeal.   These business cards would be something he would appreciate and use, unlike the last ones.

Xander danced back in a few minutes later and plopped down on his lap.  "I've been asked to go to London to consult," he told him, smiling happily.

"With who?" Oz asked, finishing off the cards.  He showed it to Xander before he hit print.

Xander frowned at the screen.  "Your printer won't do that color," he pointed out.  "And I liked the last ones."

"You don't use them," Oz reminded him.

"That's because they have the wrong phone number on them," Xander said as he started to nuzzle the warm neck.  "So does this one."

Oz looked at the screen, then sighed.  "What is your new cellphone number?"  Xander handed him the phone so he could check it.  The number matched so he tried to call it, but the cellphone didn't ring.  "Well, damn.  It's marked as the same number."

"You forgot, I'm sharing points.  I have an extension."  He watched as Oz redialed the phone number, with extension.

"It needs a prompt," Oz complained as it rang.  "Can you write it in?"

"I usually do," Xander admitted.  Oz looked at him.  "I do use them, just not all the time.  I only have to give out cards to every fiftieth person."

"Good point."  Oz canceled his attempt at creating a new business card.  "What should we do now?"  Xander nipped him on the shoulder.  "We can do that, but have you checked this new immie out?"

"I've decided that I'm taking the stand that it doesn't matter to me unless they try to take my head," Xander told him.  "Even bad immies need help.  But I did check for current criminal records, which she doesn't have."  He licked up the side of Oz's face.  "It's Amanda's student.  She's ready to hide from her teacher."

"Cool."  Oz patted him on the butt.  "Go get ready for me and I'll give you a backrub."  Xander whooped and got up, heading for their bedroom upstairs.  Oz waited a few moments, then stood up to follow.  D'Nalia was in the kitchen fixing some soup.  "Feeling okay?" he asked her.

She smiled at him.  "Just fine.  I'm sending the boys a care package.  Ian decided that the cafeteria was gross again."  She stirred it then put on the lid.  "Are we expecting company?"  He nodded.  "Does he really like this idea?"

"It's a great help," Oz said honestly.  "A lot of us can't change identities very well and we get caught, so we have to change again.  Doing it this way means that they can create whole new identities and they can last longer without getting caught."  He gave her a hug.  "I'm going to give him a backrub.  When she gets here, have her wait in Xander's office."  He headed up the stairs to the loft area. Xander was laid out spectacularly on the bed, naked and shining in the sunlight drifting down from the skylight.  He picked up the bottle of oil and squirted some out, then climbed onto the bed so he could work on his mate.  This was one of his favorite times.  Xander's client could wait.

***

Xander came out of his office and sighed.  "She was hard," he complained as he grabbed a bottle of water.  He leaned his head on the back of D'Nalia's.  "She didn't want to change enough to make a new life.  She wanted to stay herself, only with a different hair color, in the same city."

Oz snorted from where he was chopping broccoli.  "She'll get caught by someone that she used to know.  Then she'll either have to explain, run, or hurt them."  He brought over the vegetables and handed them over.  "We're having stirfry for supper."  He grabbed his husband and danced him around the kitchen.  "Is she gone?"

"A few minutes ago.  I already did my notes."  He stole a kiss.  "Can you please back up my work and password it again?"

"Sure.  I'll do it tonight."  He dipped his husband, making D'Nalia laugh.  "Come on, studly, let's go do that so we can have tonight together."  He winked at the housekeeper as they left her alone.  He closed Xander's office door, leaning against it.  "How long were we going to stay here?" he asked.

"Few more months?" Xander suggested as he turned back on his computer.  He frowned when he saw the message waiting on him.  "Well, damn, someone tried to hack the system earlier."

"Did the firewall stop them?" Oz asked as he walked over to look at the message.  "That's it, we're getting you a better system."  He sat down and downloaded all of Xander's files, putting it onto a special, custom-built handheld computer and triple password protecting it.  "There we are," he said, handing it over.  "Go lock it in the safe."

Xander looked out the window.  "Oz, maybe we should leave sooner.  Give D'Nalia the house until she dies?"  He looked back, watching as Oz thought.  "I'm getting an uneasy feeling again."

"Then we'll head back to the States," Oz agreed as he stood up.  "We'll leave tomorrow."  He led Xander out to the kitchen. "D'Nalia, the house is yours," he told her.  "We're going to disappear again."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "We've got everything set up for you.  We'll be in touch."  He walked up the stairs, grabbed the bags Xander was stuffing things into, and headed out to the garage.  The bags of holding had been packed for a week, with only a few pieces of clothing left out for them to wear.  The uneasy feeling had been growing now for almost a month.  It was time to move on before something bad happened.  He climbed into the car and slammed the door, then got out and helped Xander put the last bag into the trunk and the small carrier in the back seat.  Together they got in and headed out into the night.

***

Fifty Years After The Aliens Landed

***

Ray looked at his lover, who sighed and raised his book a little higher.  "Meth?" he asked quietly, snuggling into his side.  "I need to go back to Chicago for a while."

"Have fun," Methos said absently.  "Did you need some money?"

"Yeah, a lot," Ray said, smiling when his husband looked over at him.  "I'm going to go be sneaky.  So I need some money to set some stuff up."

Methos shook his head with a sigh and got up, going to the computer so he could email Steve.  "How much?" he asked finally.

"Three mil," Ray said firmly.  Then he smiled when his husband gave him a shocked look.  "I'm setting up my plans for being the good guy."  He slid out of the bed and came over to sit in his mate's lap.  "Please?"

"Ray, that's a lot of money. What do you need it for?"  Ray leaned down and whispered in his ear.  "You need that much for that?"  His husband nodded solemnly.  "Fine, I'll give you half that and if you need it, I'll authorize the rest," he sighed, defeated.  It was a brilliant plan, but it was going to be hard to keep quiet. He gave his husband a hug.  "How long will you be?"

"Maybe a month," Ray said with a shrug.  "Maybe a few days less."  He pinched Methos' nose.  "Just think, you'll get the whole house to yourself for a month and you'll get to not be nagged, or bothered, or even jumped."

"I also won't have anyone to sleep beside," Methos reminded him.

"So come with me," Ray suggested.  "I could probably use someone there for me, but I didn't think you'd want to go back with me.  I know Chicago has some bad memories for you and all."

Methos thought about it.  A month of freedom without his husband, which was tempting, but it was also somewhat depressing - he'd gotten used to not being alone again.  "Fine, I'll go with you," he said with a touch of resignation.  Ray frowned and he smiled.  "If only to keep you from bankrupting us and out of trouble."  He patted his mate on the butt to make him move and finished typing out his email to the resort.

***

Ray knocked on the white door in front of him, holding his breath when he heard a young child screaming from inside.  He smiled at the older woman who answered the door.  "Dominique, I need to talk to your matriarch," he said quietly.  "Your family's protector sent me."  She nodded and got out of his way.  It was too formal, but she understood it was important.  He was shown into the living room and the door was closed.  He could hear someone talking on the other side, then the door opened and an older woman walked in and shut the door behind her.  He stood up and smiled at him.  "Franny," he greeted.

The old woman looked him over, then nodded.  "Why did you come?" she asked as she sat in her chair.  She was now the matriarch of the family, and she got the respect she wanted.

Ray pulled a stool over and sat in front of her, touching her hands.  "I want to do something really nice, but I need something from you in return."  She nodded.  "I want to set up a scholarship at the University of Chicago for any Vecchio. Call it somethin' like the 'be a Vecchio, get a free education' scholarship."

She smiled. "That would be great.  What's the catch?"

He chuckled.  "Right to the point, just like I remember."  He squeezed her hands.  "I noticed how many kids are stuck out on the streets and livin' there forever.  I wanna help fix that somehow."  She nodded.  "I want you guys to pick a kid off the streets and adopt it.  I'll give the kid a trust fund sorta thing so it doesn't drain the family, but I want the kid to become a Vecchio.  Maybe one'a family?"

She looked out the window, then back at him.  "It would be hard," she said quietly.  "Street kids are looked at very closely when they're adopted."

He kissed the back of her hands.  "Frannie, trust me, I know you guys can do it.  It'll help some kids."  He leaned back, letting her go.  "I know it's a lot ta ask, but I feel really bad for them. And just think about Benny's face when he hears about it."

She shook her head.  "He'd be over the moon," she agreed.  "But he's also learned to be practical.  I'll talk it over with him."  She stood up.  "We'll be in touch tonight."

"I'm still at the same phone number," he said, standing up.  "I'd do it anyway, but I feel really bad for those kids."  He gave her a hug.  "I missed ya," he whispered in her ear.  "Life's really boring without a spitfire like you."  He let her go and stepped back.  "I'm at the apartment whenever you're ready."  He left the house.

Frannie opened the living room door and opened her mouth. "FRASIER!" she yelled.  "Now!"  The door slammed.  Upstairs, a door opened and a gray head leaned out.

Benton Frasier, former RCMP and present consultant to the Chicago PD trotted down the stairs and into the living room.  "What did he want?" he asked his protected duty.  He had stayed around after her brother had been murdered to help the family by taking over Ray Vecchio's job.  It gave him a family and people to care for.  "Was it him?"

She sat down, smiling at him.  "He had a stunning idea," she said quietly, waiting until he sat down.  She was ninety now, she was allowed to be old-fashioned.  "He's willing to set up a scholarship for all our kids, as long as they can prove they're one of us, if we take in some street kid into each family to make sure that they don't end up back there permanently."

Benton's mouth fell open.  "How can he do that?"

"He married money," Frannie said with a wave of her hand.  "He was wearing custom made clothes and a big honkin' multi-stone ring."  Benton smiled.  "Plus, he's a good guy.  Always has been."

Benton rubbed his right eyebrow.  "I see.  Could we do that?"

She nodded.  "We can, but it would give us some attention."  He nodded.  "Whaddya think?"

He smiled.  "I like the idea, you know how much I care about those childrens' welfare."

"That's why you donate time at the shelters," she agreed.  "And you spend time working with the little kids at the local school, and you read stories at the library...."  She trailed off with a grimace.  "Should we do this though?"

"We should," Benton told her.  "It's got no other strings, Ray's not like that.  He'd probably do it even if we couldn't adopt a child off the street."  He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.  "Think about all the loans the children won't have to apply for and pay back."  She smiled.  "And it could ensure that more of the children get accepted, having a scholarship with their name on it would probably look quite attractive to an acceptance committee."

She nodded.  "Then we'll discuss it tonight at dinner.  Call everyone in."   She stood up and stopped to look down at him.  "He's at his apartment if you wanted to pop over and see him."

Benton got up with a small moan of pain for his aching joints.  "It's better that I don't.  It would be too painful to see him since he hasn't changed."  He walked her out of the living room and went upstairs to call the rest of the family in to dinner.

***

Methos looked over at the Director of Financial Aid, giving her a faint smile of reproach.  "I'm quite sure about the parameters of this scholarship.  It will be limited to this particular family.  As long as they can prove that they're part of it, they qualify.  I know that there are a lot of them, but I and my husband both protect that family.  We wish to protect their education long into the future."  He touched the sword in his jacket, but put that thought of his mind with a fierce determination.  He wouldn't behead the annoying woman, no matter how badly he wanted to.

"The problem becomes, how would we know which one was a member of the family?" she told him, her voice grating and high-pitched.

Methos handed over a folder.  "This is the official family tree.  All you do is ask them to prove that they fit into some layer of it."  He smiled and stood up.   "I'll be back with a check, or with your supervisor," he told her, then left.

She looked at the family tree and shuddered.  This could become quite a nightmare.  She called her boss and went up to discuss it with him.  He used to do her job before he got promoted to the Vice President of the college.

***

Ray smiled at the woman who sat down across from him.  "You're Maria's daughter, right?" he asked.

She chuckled.  "Yes, I am.  Aunt Frannie sent me to tell you it was a done deal.  She told me to tell you that a Vecchio's table is never full, we've always got an open chair."  She looked him over.  "So, you knew my Uncle Ray?"

Ray nodded.  "Yup, sure did. For a while.  Not as well as Benny did."  He caught her appraising look.  "It was a medical experiment gone really wrong," he told her.  "Don't ask."

She nodded, accepting the rationale behind him looking like he was her age.  "Aunt Frannie wanted to know if you were going to continue to protect us."

Ray slid his cellphone over to her.  "This is the phone that she has the direct number to.  If any of you need me, you call and I'll be back within a day, as fast as I can get my butt onto a plane and get here."  She relaxed.  "Just because I'm setting up this scholarship thing doesn't mean that I'm ignorin' my duty to your family."  He tucked the cellphone back in his pocket.  "Me and my man are more than happy to come runnin'."

She grinned.  "Good. Though Benny said that you'll want to look at one of his kids at the school."  She handed him a piece of paper as she stood up.  "I'll go tell Aunt Frannie your answer."  She leaned down and kissed his cheek.  "I'll probably see you in a few days."

Ray shook his head.  "You'll only see me if you need me," he said quietly.  "Think of me like The Shadow."

"Who?"

"Early comic book character," he sighed.  She shrugged and left him to his brunch.  He shook his head.  "Total breakdown of culture," he told himself.  "Don't even know the classics."

***

Methos sat across from the President of the college, sipping his coffee.  "Thank you for seeing to this personally," he told him.  "Have you come to a decision?"

"We'll take it, but we need to clarify some of the demands you've put upon this scholarship."  Methos nodded and the President held up the folder.  "Only members of this family?"  Methos nodded again.  "How would they prove it?"

"Birth certificates," Methos noted dryly.  "That's current to the present adult generation.  Asking the head of the family to update it every generation wouldn't be that hard, they're very proud of their heritage."  He leaned forward.  "I can assure you, it's not that hard. I compiled that within three hours at the Hall of Records.  The current generation will probably be more than helpful in keeping that chart up to date if you made it a part of the scholarship every few years."  He leaned back again and sipped his coffee.  "Were there any other problems?"

The man shook his head, staring down at the chart.  "For a full ride for all the current children, it'll take more than what you've proposed."

Methos handed over a check, a gratifyingly large one for the President, but a painful one for him.  "I think that should take care of it for at least three more generations, and many more if you would invest it wisely."  He nearly smirked at the look of awe on the other man's face.  "Will that do?"

The President nodded slowly, then looked up at him.  "Definitely."

"Good," Methos purred.  He did smile faintly when he saw the man shifting uncomfortably.  "I do have to tell you that there will be children coming in who have been adopted by the family, but they'll still have to show their forms.  They're also to be included."  He stood up.  "Thank you for your help."  He shook the man's hand, ignoring the pitiful little hardness that the man was showing off through his cheap twill pants.  "I'll leave you alone to arrange things," he said before leaving the office.  He kept his laughter to himself as he walked out to his car.  The man standing against his car made him smile. "It's all set," he told Ray, then gave him a kiss.

"Cool.  Benny sent word that we should go check out one of his students."

"How did he know what we are?" Methos asked.

"One'a his buddies from up north was one of us and he died on the job.  Benny was teachin' him at the Mountie Academy when a teacher found him."  He kissed Methos on the end of his nose.  "I was gonna go give them a box'a books so we can take the tour."

Methos sighed but he pulled out his keys.  He hated shopping, especially after spending so much money at one time.  "Have we already bought the books?"

"Yup. I called D'Nalia and she shipped us some of the boys' books that they didn't want ta save for their own kids.  They should be back in the apartment by now."  He slid into his seat, waiting for his husband to get in also.  Then he stole another kiss.  "If it's an immie, will we have to do anything?"

"Probably not," Methos said hopefully.  "I have enough contacts to get him a teacher."  He started the car.  "I made the poor man hard," he said with a smirk.

Ray giggled.  "Cool.  I knew you hadn't lost your touch."  They shared another kiss before pulling out of the parking lot.

***

Ray looked at the teacher staring at him, giving him a smile.  "We're nice," he told him. "We're donating books and wanted ta see a classroom."  He looked around the room while waiting for his man.  So this teacher was the one, huh.  He wasn't too bad.  Kinda reminded him of Richie.  Skinny guy with light red hair, almost no muscles though.  Felt kinda new too.  "Ray," he said, holding out his hand.  "Relax," he said when the man hadn't taken his hand to shake.  "We're good guys."

The man swallowed and shook his hand.  "I'm Ebert."  He nearly flinched as Methos walked in.  "What are you guys?"

"We're just like you," Methos told him.  He was thankful that they were alone in the classroom.  The Principal had told them that they could only do this after hours to protect the students.  Then she had left them alone to look around the rooms and talk to the teachers.  "How old are you?" he asked kindly.  The kid looked terrified.

"I'm thirty," Ebert said quietly.  "Why do I feel you?"

Ray grinned.  "It's cool, man.  We'll find you someone to explain it all to ya.  Another good guy, someone who won't attack you."  He looked at Methos, who had pulled out his phone to call someone.  "That's what we're doing right now."  He scratched the man's hand, watching as it healed.  "See that?"  Ebert swallowed.  "That's a signal of what you are, what we are.  It's not so bad, but you gotta watch out for the other side.  Don't ever become a bad guy."  He let the guy go and walked over to look at some of the artwork on the walls.  "That's cute," he said, pointing at the box of animal crackers that some kid had painted.  "You should get that kid inta art."

"No," Methos told him.  "No more funding children through school."  He hung up and looked at Ebert.  "Tomorrow night, go to Club Maxine and talk to the bartender.  He'll be waiting for you.  He can explain everything."  He took Ray's hand and walked him out into the halls.  "He'll be taken care of very well," he assured his husband as they walked away.  They were done, unless they needed to run back and help the Vecchios.

***

70 Years After The Aliens Landed

***

Xander walked off the porch of their rented villa with a smile.  "Oz," he called quietly.  His husband shuddered and pulled his book closer to him; clutching it with all the intensity of it saving him.  Unfortunately, nothing would save him this time.  The ocean-scented air of the Spanish Riviera was majorly making Xander miss home and the only thing that would take his mind off of the house in Sunnydale was some major cuddling.  And maybe something more, but he would settle for being cuddled for now.  He tossed the unfortunate book aside and stretched himself over his mate's body, reminding them both of the cats waiting for them in the other room.  Since one had decided to sneak out and play on the beach, none of them were allowed in the bedroom while the porch doors were open.  Xander even purred for his husband, making him shiver.  "Home?" he asked.  Outside the doors, their dog barked.

"Yeah, I think it's time," Oz agreed quietly.  "We can call Meth tonight if you want."

"Now?" Xander suggested, taking a lick of the warm, bare flesh.  "Please?"

"It's three am their time," Oz reminded him.  Living and traveling around Europe and Asia for the last thirty years had definitely broadened their horizons, and apparently made Xander forget about time differences.  "In the morning, their time."  He stroked down the firm back.  He missed the hair that Xander had been forced to cut a few years back.  It had been necessary for their continued survival; their challenger wouldn't leave them alone and he had somehow latched onto Xander as his identification.  The only way to get out of Germany had been to cut the long hair.  He noticed that it was growing again and smiled. He loved the hair.  The white streaks were even coming back, though there were more now.  He stroked over the shoulder-length mass.  "Do you want to stop anywhere on the way back?"

"Nope, just home."  Xander snuggled in, sure that he wasn't going to be moving for a little while at least.  "We can even show the new generation of Jedi and Rocky babies home."

"True, we can.  Once we get vet certificates."  Oz continued to stroke his husband.  The ocean reminded him of home too.  Maybe he should request a side trip to Greece?  Nah, not with the revolution that was starting over that way.  "We can do all that tomorrow," he promised, rolling to hold his man.  "We should probably stop in New York."

"Drop it, Oz.  I'm not claiming that planet.  No matter how eager they are for me to do that."  He closed his eyes.  He didn't want to remember the five weeks he had spent on that planet, or the reason for it.  "Where's everyone at?"

"Richie's back at the resort.  Steve's taken a year off to change personas.  Daniel disappeared when Blair died and no one's sure where he is besides the fact that it's probably holy ground."  He licked the shell of his husband's ear.  "Meth and Ray are in Canada.  The boys receive their honorary Ph. D.'s next month from Harvard and MIT.  Giles is still lurking in Florida, though Richard has moved to LA to study under one of the demonic magic-users."

"Hmm."  Xander rubbed his cheek on the bare chest.  "Think we could rent a helicopter from LA and fly in?"

"That's a bit extravagant," Oz reminded him.  "It'll bring attention."  Xander shrugged.  "I tell you what, we'll rent a private plane if you want.  There's still a small airport outside of Sunnydale."  Xander didn't say anything.  "We can throw a housewarming party for our friends."

"Nah, let's just get home," Xander told him.  "Make the arrangements?"

Oz nodded.  Xander *hated* dealing with officials of any sort, or travel agents, but especially Customs officials.  They always thought he was trying to smuggle stuff into whatever country they were heading for.  Except for the Japanese one, they thought he was there to work as a stripper or prostitute.  Oh, well, live and learn.  No going to Tokyo again.  Oz lifted some of the hair, taking a sniff of it.  "Apple," he murmured in appreciation.  He used to wonder what had happened the mass of hair that Xander had cut off, it had disappeared from the bathroom of their hotel room.  Then he had seen someone very familiar lurking around a bar one night with some of it braided around his wrist.  He wasn't against Strife liking his husband, but he couldn't have him.  He stole a kiss and got up with a disappointed sigh.  "Let me make the arrangements.  You call the vets to get them cleared?"  Xander nodded and grabbed the phone to do that.  It was going to be a long day.

Maybe they'd have sex on the plane...

***

Xander looked out of the plane's window, smiling as they flew over his house.  It looked okay.  He had even seen the forge going.  He bounced excitedly, they were almost home.  As soon as the plane landed and they were cleared to disembark, he ran down the stairs and over to the tiny airport.  Of course, there wasn't a cab service, but there was a small car rental service.  He got them a sedan immediately since no one else was in line, and pulled it around to the baggage pick up.  He even helped load everything into the trunk, except the animals who lounged in the back seat.  As soon as Oz got in, they headed for home.  They ran into a new gate, and Oz had to 'fix' it so it would let them through, but within minutes they were home.

Unfortunately, so were some military idiots pointing guns at them.

"What are you doing at my house!" Xander yelled as he got out of the car.

"Mr. Harris," a Staff Sargent said respectfully, and the guns lowered.  "We were tipped off that you were coming back this way and we had to come talk to you."  He opened the door for him. He had been told not to piss this man off, or very bad things would happen not only to him personally, but probably to the Army itself.  "Can we assist you with carrying things?"

Oz climbed out and looked at them from across the roof of the car.  "Why are you really here?  This looks like an invasion."

"Our new boss said to come bother you, sir," he told him.  "May we help?"

"You can get the animal cages," Xander told him, going for their bottomless bags in the trunk.  That set had come in very handy, it was nice to travel so lightly.  He walked in and winced at the painting hanging across from the opening.  "Well, Ray did some decorating," he sighed.  He took it down and put it in a closet, going to check on his office.  "I'm home!" he yelled.  He heard footsteps come running and looked behind him, smiling as Ray ran over and gave him a hug.  "Man, you *had* to let them in?" he complained.

"We didn't have a choice," Methos told him, giving him a hug too.  "They insisted."  He looked back at the sound of more footsteps.  "Release them, they run free," he ordered imperiously.

"Yes, sir," the Staff Sargent said as he set down the cages.  He released the ferret and the puppy, then the kitten, watching as it pounced the ferret.  "They're safe together?"

"They always have been," Oz said from behind him.  "Now, explain this to us before we make you disappear," he said calmly.

"They decided that the lab in town was overrun," Ray told them.  "Apparently we have the only safe house in the town."

"Bullshit," Xander said with a smile.  "Get out of my house and leave everything right where it was or I'm going to lose my temper and kill you all."  He kept smiling as the Staff Sargent backed up.  "Do you understand?"  The young man nodded. "Then why aren't you moving?"

"Sir, I can't take that order, you're not in the chain of command."

Oz walked into the office and someone screamed, that person was dragged out by their collar.  "Tell them," he ordered.

"We're leaving," she gasped.  "We've overrun their house for long enough.  Gather everything and leave."

"And leave my stuff," Xander finished for her.  He didn't need to go track down someone and take his things back.  They probably wouldn't appreciate that at all. He snuggled into the Ray/Methos sandwich, comforted by their embrace.  "How do they know who I am?" he whispered to Methos.

"Someone unsealed one report from the negotiations," the Sargent offered helpfully.

Xander looked at him.  "Was it one in which I hurt somebody very badly?" he asked nicely.  The man swallowed and went to do as he had been ordered to do.  It was only minutes until he and most of his buddies were gone.

"Mr. Harris," the Captain said, brushing the lint off her sleeves.  "We're sorry to have inconvenienced you in any way.   We'll leave you alone now and return for any missed articles tomorrow afternoon when we come to talk to you about our current assignment."  She hurried away, the dog was trying to bite her.

"Don't do that," Methos told it, "you don't know where she's been."

"Apparently she's been snooping," Xander said with a frown at her back.  "Oz, can you do a check of the house?"

"Sure."  He walked away, Methos going with him.

Ray pulled Xander into the writing room, settling them both down on the soft couch.  "So, give.  Where did you go?"

Xander grinned and gave him a kiss.  "Everywhere.  But we're back for a while."

"Cool.  Guess what I did."

***

Oz looked over at Methos as they sipped beers.  "You guys okay?" he asked.

Methos nodded.  "Fine.  Ray's a bit anxious to go do things again.  They weren't actually that bad.  There weren't any attempts to steal anything this time."  He finished off his beer in two gulps and reached for another one.  "How was Europe?  And what happened to his hair?"

"Asshole in Germany.  Europe was still the same, only with more arrogant people."  He shrugged and took another sip.  "It was like the bad French people took over most of the main continent.  Showed Xander Russia though, and Japan, Italy, Spain, and the Mediterranean in depth.  We hit Greece twice but both times there was civil unrest near the old home place."  He smiled.  "Did you see, they dug up my old temple."

"I did see.  I'm surprised that you weren't in any of the pictures," Methos teased.

"They wouldn't let us that close to the site," Oz said with a shrug.  "We'll go back once they're finished."  He glanced around.  "So, ugly picture?" he asked finally.

"Ray inherited it from Francesca Vecchio," Methos said with a grimace.  "When she died, she passed on the phone number to her niece and daughters, and gave us the picture.  It was done by one of her nieces who's in art school."

"Color's off," Oz noted.

"It was her first project."

"Ah."  Oz finished his beer and grabbed another one.  "Who was playing with the forge?"

"Ray wanted to see how hard it was, we haven't been able to fully shut it down for three days.  We've been letting it die out by itself."

"Coolness."

"So, how's Spike and my brother?"

"Seth's been fine.  He startled himself by scaring someone the other day," Ray said with a half- smile.  "Did you put that picture in a closet?"

"The front one, where it wouldn't get hurt."  Ray pouted at him.  "They were lime green grapes," he whined.

"I know, but it's from the family."

"Oh.  We can hang it up in the craft room if you want," Xander offered.  "It'll still be hanging," he pointed out when Ray didn't say anything.

"Dining room?"

"As long as I'm not forced to face it," Xander agreed.   Ray grinned at that.  "Family?"

"Vecchios."

"Ah.  Gotcha."  Xander ran a hand through his hair.  "I wish this would grow faster.  I miss my hair."

"Hey, I miss your hair," Ray told him, leaning over to look at it.  "Where'd it go?"

"Asshole in Germany.  I had to cut it because he was focused on me and we couldn't hide me any other way."

"Oh."  Ray nuzzled the bare neck.  "Wanna fool around?"

"Always," Xander said happily.  "Should we tell the old guys?"

"Nah, let 'em walk in and sigh," Ray teased, releasing the buttons on his and Xander's jeans.  Pretty soon, they were naked on the couch and groping like the pros they were.

Oz and Methos walked into the writing room and sighed.  "Yup, we're home," Oz told him, then he leaned down and stole a kiss for himself.  "Wanna take this upstairs so we can all join in?"

"We saved your bedroom for you," Methos told him, taking the direct approach and pulling his Ray off of Xander's taut body.  He whistled.  "I see someone's kept up with their training."

"I'm *very* fit," Xander said with his naughtiest grin.  "And kinda horny too."

"Run, I'll stall him," Oz said, letting the other couple get away.  "Be gentle.  It's been years since you pounced them," he reminded his husband, then let him chase their friends.  By the time he caught up with them again, Xander and Ray were having sex in the pool and Methos was sitting on the side of it getting a blow job.  Damn, his baby was talented.  He had forgotten how much.  He stripped off and jumped in to tease Ray while Ray pumped into Xander's body.  It was all good for now.

***

Strife, in his brilliant disguise - if he did say so himself-, stepped up behind Xander's chair in the spa.  "Just a few inches?" he asked with his best Italian accent.  He sounded like someone out of the Godfather.   Xander nodded.  "Okay then."  He picked up a pair of light-sucking black scissors and nodded the towel girl over.  "We'll warm your face up while I do this and head to your facial next."  As soon as Xander's eyes were covered, he snipped at the short hair, taking off a few millimeters.  He watched as it grew and 'encouraged' Xander to take a short nap.  He snipped it again, cutting off everything that had just grown, repeating it a few times.  By the time he was done, he was cackling, Xander had knee-length hair, and it was beautiful.  He sent the scissors away with a wave of his hand and started to disappear, but Cupid and Jace caught him.

"Nope, no way," Cupid said, frowning at his friend.  "You can't leave it that long, it'll kill his neck and he'll threaten me again."

Jace nodded.  "Remember what happened last time?"

Strife leaned closer and kissed them both hard.  "Then he'll have to pray to us."

"Honey, I've been getting some," Cupid said smugly.

Strife punched him, knocking him onto his butt and wings.  "Well, I haven't had as many, so there."  He pouted and disappeared.

Jace shook her head.  "How could he forget Strife?"

"It's only been two days!" Cupid said in shock.

"Two days?" Jace asked.  "He overreacted like this because it's been two days since he's gotten a prayer from Xander?"

Cupid pushed himself off the floor and brushed himself off.  "Yup.  He did this because Xander's been playing with the pointy, fleshy thing for the last two days and hasn't talked to him."  He looked at the mass of hair.  "We've got to fix that."

Jace laid a hand on his arm.  "Honey, let them work it out.  Getting in the middle of those two is really not the best thing."  He clutched his occasional lover as they disappeared, letting Xander wake up.

"Huh?" Xander asked, rubbing the back of his head.  "Ow."  His hand drifted down to his neck, then he removed the towel, shrieking when he saw himself in the mirror.  "Strife!" he called.  His buddy appeared and he launched himself into his arms.  "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you," he said, interspersing them with kisses.  "You are the greatest buddy in the whole world.  You deserve many happies."  He squeezed the God so hard he squeaked, which made Xander giggle.  "If there's anything I can do, just yell it to me."

"You're not mad?" Strife asked.

Xander put their foreheads together, staring him in the eyes.  "Dear, I've been meaning to ask you if you would make it grow another three inches so I could tease with it again."  His smile brightened.  "Then you go and do all this and all I have for you is a set of postcards."

"You got me a present?" Strife asked, looking really happy now.

Xander nodded, after pulling back.  "Yup, sure did.  I even wrote on them like I was going to send them."  He pulled some of his hair around and used it to tickle his friend.  "I was going to call you tonight and ask you to go help me get into trouble, but you anticipated it and I'm so happy."  He hugged him again.   "If you want, we can still go have fun tonight."

Strife pulled back.  "Why haven't you called in the last two days?"

Xander blushed.  "Because Ares said that you needed a rest, that me being so *athletic* with Ray and everybody had given you a headache."

Strife snorted.  "As if."  He tickled his favorite human.  "Never forget me again.  Even a headache isn't enough ta stop me from comin' ta play with ya."  He looked the young man over.  "You still know how ta dance?"

"Dude, I even learned how to belly dance," Xander bragged with his best leer.

"Yeah, but I wanna see you tease the turd callin' himself my Unc."  Strife winked.  "Come get ya in a few hours?"

"Deal," Xander agreed, pulling him in for a big kiss.   "We're gonna have *fun*!" he cooed.

Strife giggled and disappeared.

The towel girl cleared her throat.  "Sir, if you'd follow me, we'll do your facial now," she told him.

He smiled at her, and apparently made her wet by the way she shifted.  "Can I work a massage onto my schedule too?"

"Of course, sir.  I'll have that taken care of while your facial is going on."  She led him to a small room and let him inside.  She hurried off to make the adjustment to his plan, and to go take care of some things.  She hoped he came back, he seemed like a great tipper.

***

Xander adjusted his face-covering scarves and stepped out into the single beam of light.  Strife had arranged for him to put on a show of his dancing here tonight.  What Strife hadn't asked for he had done anyway - he'd let his hormones spike back up.  This was going to be a great performance.  As soon as there was silence, he moved into the first position, starting his most sensual dance.

In the crowd, Ares put down his drink and stared at the man *writhing* on the floor.  "That looks familiar," he mumbled.  Jace looked over at him, giving him a smile.  "Do we know him?"

Jace shrugged and subtly dropped a hand into his lap.  This was going to be so good.  She watched Xander move across the floor, wondering when she had started to react to him.  Hmm, that boy was Mischief's tonight, definitely.  She felt a lump start under her hand and massaged it gently, bringing it to a near-crest.  This was going to take all night and she wasn't going to be left wanting.

The music switched and Xander moved into one of the traditional belly dances, forcing many a man in the audience to unbutton their pants.  He moved to the tables up front and shook it for them, teasing man and woman alike, then moved back into the center. At the end, he panted into the microphone that was switched on.  "The next one is for my protectors," he panted, dropping the pitch of his voice down again.  He was a little out of shape apparently.  He moved to where he had caught sight of Ares and Jace, starting the rhythmic movements for just them.  Within minutes, Ares was panting and trying to reach for him, but Xander always moved out of the way.  He twirled back to the center of the floor, swishing regally as he forced his hormones to spike just a little more, sending the crowd into a frenzy.  An orgy had started before too much longer, everyone grabbing the people nearest them.  That dance ended and the last one started up, a slow moving, sensual number that never failed to leave both Ray and Oz gasping for mercy.  He sent a smouldering look back at Jace, who was all but being forced to service her lover right there.  He moved and wiggled his body, making even himself hard this time.  He finished up on the floor, panting.  After the wild applause, and a few grab attempts, he ran over to hug Strife, then they both disappeared.

"That tease!" Ares said loudly.  The crowd made agreeing noises and continued with the orgy.  He decided he should probably get Jace out of there before anyone realized he was holding the only woman in the room besides the cowering waitresses.

Up on Olympus, Aphrodite paused in feeding her Hephie a piece of cantaloupe.  "Xanny's back," she noted, then smiled.  "And what an orgy it is."  She laughed and the piece of melon continued on its trip into her husband's mouth.  "I should probably go congratulate him later."

"Much later," Hephaestus agreed, grabbing her to kiss her.  His wife suddenly squealed.  "What?" he asked, looking down to make sure he hadn't laid on top of one of her breasts again.  The last time had left him without a bed partner for a year.

"He got Ares," she giggled.  "He teased tall and deadly."

Hephie laughed.  "Good. Maybe he won't be so gloomy tomorrow at the Council meeting."  He pulled her on top of him.  "Enough about them, give me some sugar, baby."

"Oh, Hephie, you say the sweetest things," she teased, using the extra energy she was getting to thrill him as much as she was being thrilled by the impromptu orgy.

In another temple, Cupid sat up in bed and looked around.  "There wasn't an orgy planned for tonight," he complained.  But he was liking the energy too much to complain for long.  He laid

back down to enjoy the whip of energy around him, just him and his hands.

***

Hera looked at Zeus, who was looking worried.  "That's the anchor," she reminded him.

"Oh, yes, that one."  He shrugged.  "At least Ares is going to be happy tomorrow."  He went back to his murder mystery.  "Why is it always the help?  Our help would never dream of hurting us."

She patted him on the chest.  "It's just a story, dear."

***

Oz looked over as his husband appeared for the first time since he had left for the spa that morning.  "Uh-huh," he said, noticing how Xander smelled, and how sweaty he was, and how he was dressed.  "Go bathe," he ordered, pointing toward the bathroom.

"I had fun," Xander told him, crawling onto the bed.  He slid himself down Oz's body to tempt him.  "I even teased Ares and Jace."  Oz's mouth opened and a whimper emerged.  "I'd like to get you too, if you're not too tired," he added as he ran a finger down Oz's cock.

"No, not too tired," Oz assured him, grabbing him to help him peel off those pesky clothes.  They were stuck to the warm flesh by sweat so he ended up ripping off the pants.  As soon as the obstacles were out of his way, Oz rolled Xander underneath him and licked the sweat off him, slowly going over each inch of his flesh to make his mate growl and beg.  As soon as he was done, he lightly tickled his husband, making him squeal and wiggle.  That's when the restraints appeared in a flash of light, and the bottle of lube doubled in size.  He guessed someone thought they were going to need it.  Hopefully, they were right.

Xander wiggled up enough so his head was on the pillows again.  "Oz, I need you," he complained when his husband stopped.  He blinked and he was attached to the bed by the cuffs that had grabbed his hands.  "Oh, wow," he whispered.  "I haven't used these in a while."  He thrust his hips up, but Oz stopped them from moving too far, making him whimper.

"You'll get it," Oz soothed, pulling out the bedside drawer so he could grab the tube of oil they'd bought in the Middle East.  It warmed the skin as it was worked in, and it made Xander extra horny.  He slowly worked the oil into the firm chest and stomach, then avoided the heavy cock to play with the sweaty feet.  He worked his way back up the legs, then switched to the arms when he got to Xander's knees.  No slickness for when he climbed on top.  Xander wasn't the only one who was going to have some fun tonight.  He kneaded the dance-tense muscles of his lover's shoulders, making him groan in pleasure.  Then he continued the harder massage down the chest again, working over each muscle group in turn.  Out of the blue, he tweaked a nipple, making Xander curse.  "Got ya," he whispered as he leaned in for a kiss.

Xander pushed his hips up again.  "You missed a spot," he said, trying to nibble on the tempting lips.  Oz pulled back and looked at him.  "Oz."  No answer.  "Oz?"  Still no answer.  "Oz, if you don't do something, I'm going to find a way to release myself and pounce you so hard we both hit the floor."

"Hmm, kinky," Oz said, then shrugged.  He grabbed the bottle of lube, one of their special toys, and put the two together.  Then one went into Xander, making him squeal in a high-pitched tone.  "Not quite," Oz muttered, moving the toy a little bit, making him squeal a little higher.  "Two notes too low."  He wiggled it a bit, and turned on the vibrating part.  Xander hit second high C above high C.  The vase beside the bed broke, as did the glass dildo sitting next to it.  "Wow.  Didn't think you could hit that note," he said appreciatively.

"Are we all right in there?" Methos yelled from the hallway.

"I made Xander break glass," Oz shouted back.

"Shit, I'm impressed," Ray said as he came in, looking at the broken pieces of ornamentation.  "He really did it."  He picked up a few pieces to show them off.  "He made Xander break glass."

"Yes, and now Xander wants to have something more than plastic," Xander told everyone.  "Unless you're helping, Ray, give Oz the bigger vibrator and go away."

Ray snickered and handed Oz the biggest dildo that anyone had.  It had been bought as a joke, but it might see use tonight. "Try that one," he smirked.

Oz shrugged and lubed it up, then used it on his husband, making him squeal and wiggle in his bonds. He slammed it all the way home and looked at Ray, whose mouth was open.  "He likes them big," he reminded his occasional lover.

"Meth, he took it," Ray said in shock, pointing.

Methos patted his Ray on the shoulder. "Someday, you will too," he promised.  He led his lover out of the room.  "Try that trick we learned in Moscow," he advised as he shut the door.

"Finally," Oz said dryly.  He leaned down and sucked on the leaking cock, making Xander swear and try to get more of it down his throat.  Oz pulled off to torment him.  Xander whimpered.  Oz shrugged.  "Don't push.  I'm in charge."

"Okay," Xander said quickly.  He would take it and love it all, he was like that.  That's what a good Greedy Hedonistic Slut was like.  Oz traced the head of his dick with his finger, making him pout.  "Do you want it?"

"More than you think, but I don't have the stamina to wear you out, and I doubt the other two do either since they've been going at it all day."  He leaned down and took a lick of the clear fluid dripping down him.  "Now, I can be nice, and give you a cock ring, which I know will mean I won't get any sleep tonight because you'll turn into super slut, or I can not give you a cock ring and live through the four or five orgasms you'll want."

"Cock ring!" Xander said immediately.

"That's what I thought."  Oz pulled out their favorite cock ring and slid it onto the hard cock, hitching the ball ring as tightly as he could.  Then he pulled out the large dildo and replaced it with a smaller, textured one.  He slowly worked it into his husband's body, making him squirm.  He had hopes that Xander would hit that note again, but it was a probably not going to happen.  He slowly worked Xander off, giving him his first orgasm of the night.  He smiled when he saw that nothing had leaked through the cock ring; it was rare, but Xander had beaten them before.  He switched his weapon of choice, going for an anal probe - a bouncy piece of plastic that had a knob at the end.  This one actually had a small, ticklish current running through it.  Xander giggled as soon as it touched his hole, and laughed harder as it entered him.  Since that wasn't what he wanted, he changed tools again, this time pulling out the toy Ray had nicknamed 'the pleasurer'.  Even Methos had tried to steal this one on occasion.  Xander always enjoyed it too, it made him hum and purr.  And this time was no exception, though he did shift some too.  So Oz gently turned him onto his side and started again, playing to his heart's content.  Because he would never last if he crawled inside his husband's body now.

There was a reason why Xander had more than one lover, he wore them all out and still needed more. Tonight was not going to be an exception, it was going to prove the rule.

A new shiny toy appeared on the bed beside Oz's right hand, making him pause in consideration.  He picked up the sapphire dildo to weigh in his hand.  It would do.  Especially the extra stone in the end.  He shrugged and shoved the stone in the end all the way in, smiling when the sapphire started to vibrate at an extremely high rate of speed.

Hey, what did you know, Xander could hit that note again!  He also managed to shoot across the barrier of the cock ring, and to grab Oz to bring him closer and swallow him.  It was nice, much missed, but very nice.  He came and let Xander go so he could play until he had time to recover.  Xander pounced him.  "Hey, recovering," Oz protested weakly.

"Already?" Xander pouted.  "How am I supposed to get my four or five orgasms?"  He was handed the sapphire dildo.  "Really?" he asked with a grin.

"I like to watch," Oz reminded him.

Xander knelt on the bed, his ankles still chained to the bed posts, and inserted it in himself.  He shifted so his husband could see, and went at it.  He squealed and wiggled and pleased himself to another orgasm, which made Oz happy because he had time to recover, and made Xander happy just because it was going on.  By then, Oz was ready.  Xander was ready.

And a fun time was had by all.

***

Xander looked up from his pampered position tied naked to the bed by a slim platinum ankle chain.  A glittering had started in the middle of the room.  "Oz?" he called, bringing his husband from the bathroom.  He pointed at the spot where Ares was appearing.  "Visitors."

Ares glared at Xander, then at Oz.  "Do you know what your pet slut did last night?" he demanded.

"Yup."  Oz sat beside Xander, handing over the damp washcloth he had been getting.  "Clean up," he ordered gently.  He watched as his husband cleaned up the old cum on his stomach, then looked back at Ares.  "I heard he danced," he said, adding a shrug for good measure.  "Was it good?"

"He started an orgy," Ares said coolly. "You've got to keep him on a shorter leash.  He's not allowed to do that to me again!"

Xander looked at Oz, then unhooked his ankle chain and stood up.  He slinked over to Ares, rubbing himself against the God of War's side.  "All I did was follow my nature," he purred, giving him a naughty grin.  "You wouldn't want me to *ignore* it, would you?"  He rubbed himself again, arching up.  He noticed the reactions of the body he was leaning against.  "After all, you did take my buddy from me."  Ares groaned.  "That was very mean of you and I *had* to get you back."  He strolled behind Ares, running a finger across the God's waistband.  "You were very naughty," he told him, continuing until he made it back to Ares' front.  He smiled up at him.  "You made me leave Strife alone, which upset *both* of us."

"You're a tease," Ares panted, glaring at the young immortal.

"No, I'm not a tease," Xander corrected with a bright grin.  "If Oz ever dies and I'm left all alone, I'll come up and take part of Jace's share of you and Strife."  He leaned in and sniffed at the opening to the God's vest.  "But until then, I'm Oz's and only his."  He stepped back, and Ares swayed toward him.  "You were still naughty, Ares," he purred.  "Keeping my bestest buddy away from me.  Making him mad.  Making me pout."  He ran a finger down his bare collarbone.  "Strife was really distressed, which I hated doing to him.  And it was all because of you."  His finger drifted lower, teasing his tight abs.  He had worked hard for the six pack that graced his abdomen, and they were deadly when he wanted them to be.  He knew Ares' eyes were locked on his finger so he moved it lower, teasing his pubic hairline.  "You won't make me pout at you, will you?"  He started to pout.

Ares swore and backed away from him.  "You're a goner," he warned.  "No one teases the God of War."

"Actually," Oz put in. "He's teased more than you.  You're just the toughest so far.  Almost everyone else would be begging by now."  He shrugged when Ares tried to blast him.  The shot was off by about six inches to the right, but he didn't move or flinch.  Ares needed him and Xander too much to hurt them.

"You made me ignore Strife.  This is minor compared to what I *could* do," Xander reminded him with a smile.  He stepped closer and kissed the God.  Ares went weak in the knees and groaned, trying to keep Xander pressed hard against him, but Xander got away and smiled at him.  "Can you please thank Jace for letting me borrow her toy?" he asked coyly, smiling again.

Oz tossed it over.  "Yeah, it made him really happy."

Ares looked at the toy, then at Xander.  "Never do it again!" he warned, then he disappeared.  He landed right behind Jace, who was listening to the latest complaints in the meeting area of the Gods.  He pushed her against the wall, moving up behind her.  "Go find your most realistic strap on and put it on," he growled in her ear.  "Then get naked, put your hair down, kneel on the bed, and pray that I let you sleep tonight."  He handed her the toy and stormed away to do his part in this little complaint session.  Everyone wisely got out of his way, he looked like he had went without sex for a month!  Even though they knew he hadn't.

Jace smirked and went to do as she had been ordered.  Games, yum.  She knew helping Strife get Ares would be to her benefit.

***

Xander was purring because Methos was giving him a backrub when they were rudely interrupted by the military.  "What?" he demanded, not moving and not covering his nudity.

"They need our help," Ray said from the doorway.  "That's what all the crap about the local base was about."  He moved Xander's head and sat under it, letting his friend rest on his thighs.

"Sir.  Mr. Harris," he corrected.  "We need to find Dr. Jackson."  He cleared his throat.  "We...we know that he's....different, and a group that we're presently starting relations with only will talk to him."  He shifted a little bit.

Xander rolled onto his side, facing the little Sargent.  "Really?  And how do you know that he's *different*?"

"Because one of the other cultures realized it and wrote about it, which is how this new group of people found us. That's why they'll only talk to Dr. Jackson."  He swallowed when everyone continued to stare at him.  "We know he's not anywhere on this planet, sir, but we figured your kind would keep track of each other."

Oz walked out, carefully slamming the door so it wouldn't break the glass, but making the military man jump.  "I'd forget about this difference," he advised.  He frowned at Ray.  "My man."

"Hey, my man's rubbin' him, I get ta snuggle.  You'll get your turn."  Ray smiled at him.  "Just wait, I promise you'll get some too."

"Okay," Oz agreed.  He looked at the young man.  "Why us?"

"Because the file that we unsealed said that Mr. Harris was teaching Dr. Jackson something.  We figured there would be some sort of teacher/student bond or at least correspondence."

Xander sighed.  "You'll probably find him somewhere that reminds him of Dr. Sandburg," he told him.  "But I'd leave him alone.  He disappeared because he didn't want to deal with people."

"Sir, General O'Neill demanded that we find him."

"Jack's still alive?" Oz asked, his forehead wrinkling.  "He'd be like a hundred and fifty or something."

"Um, no sir, it's his son, Jack Junior."  He coughed.  "Jack Junior is the Stargate General now, has been for the last three years."

"Oh."  Xander looked at Methos, who had spent a lot of time with Jack.  "I thought he didn't want more kids."

"He didn't," Methos agreed.

"It wasn't exactly planned," the Sargent told them.  "Um, the General told us that his mother seduced his father often enough for everyone on base to know that the great Colonel Jack O'Neill didn't plan on having him.  Though, his father did admit that he existed and was there for him, it was apparently a very bumpy upbringing.  He, um, wanted to do what his father did though, and joined up, and eventually became our General.  His father told him about you guys, and Dr. Jackson of course."

"Of course," Ray agreed.  He looked at Xander and shrugged.  Then he looked at the guy.  "We haven't heard from him.  Has anyone talked to the guy at the resort in Vegas that we co-own?"

The Sargent nodded.  "He said he'd seen an article that suggested Dr. Jackson was in Turkey, but he couldn't be sure it was him.  We've checked but couldn't find any hint of him."

Xander sighed and stood up.  "All right.  I'll try and find him.  Give me all your information about where you've tried and where you think he is, and we'll look for him.  He may not come back, but we'll tell him why you're looking for him."

"Thank you, sir."  He handed over a file.  "General O'Neill will be quite happy.  Oh, he sends his apologies about us taking over your house.  The base in town *was* overrun by an experiment gone wrong.  We had to evacuate for nearly a week before it died."  He nodded, then saluted and left the house.

Xander looked at the folder's contents.  "He's in Istanbul," he announced.

"Cool.  Haven't been there in a few years," Ray said, grinning at his husband.  "Want to go find the Danny guy?"

"If you want," Methos agreed easily.  He hadn't traveled in a few years and was starting to miss the road again.  He took the folder from Xander's hands.  "We'll go look for him.  You stay here and recuperate."  He smiled and stole a kiss, then grabbed Ray and pulled him up.  They went to pack and make sure they had all their documents in order.  "Maybe I'll be an archeologist this time," Methos mused.

"Cool.  As long as I can be the naughty grad assistant," Ray said with a grin.  He pinched his husband's rear.  "I'll even let ya spank me if ya want."  He jogged up the stairs, making his mate follow him.

Outside, Xander laughed.  Oz was tickling him again.

***

Daniel Jackson walked into the meeting room in the Stargate compound and looked at the people waiting on him.  Then he looked at the aliens, pulling one of them aside to have a private conversation.  "I don't want to come back yet.  I'm mourning."

The alien gave him a hug.  "I understand," he told him.  "I have mourned my own mates."  He stepped back.  "Send us word when you're ready to come back.  We will only talk to ones of your kind."  He looked at the table.  "We know there are others here, but we have not been allowed to talk to them."

Daniel glared at the general, who looked a lot like his old friend.  "Get one of the others of us on the base to talk to them."  He tossed a manila folder down in front of the general.  "I'm in mourning.  I'm not coming back."  He nodded at the aliens and left.

The man he had been talking to sat down.  "We will only talk to one of his kind," he told the General.  "There are many things that you learn only after a lifetime."  He nodded at the woman at the other end of the table.  "As you well know."

Samantha Carter, half human, half energy being which was trapped in a portal, nodded.  "I do understand, but Daniel won't be back for quite a while.  He loved his mate enough to want to keep him with him, but his mate refused."

The alien smiled.  "I remember that feeling.  It does not go away."  He stood up.  "When you have found another, send for us and we will come back."  He nodded again and took his entourage with him.

Samantha started to fade out, she couldn't sustain a physical form outside of the portal that had taken her life for very long.  "There used to a few more like him," she offered.   "There was a med tech and a few ground-pounders.  If you looked in the medical files, you might find them."  She finished fading out.

General O'Neill sighed and leaned down to pound his head on the table.  "Fix this," he ordered.  "Find another immortal, one who we've worked with, and bring them to me."  He stood up, going to grab a drink.  At seventy, he often found that he wanted one these days.  This command was frustrating.  He should have listened to the complaints his father used to throw around as well as the stories.

***

One Hundred-Twenty Years After The Aliens Landed

***

Xander turned on the tv and sat down in front of it.  He put his sandwich aside and put his feet up, enjoying the quiet of the house.  Oz was in LA buying a new computer.  Ray and Methos were in Europe.  And his animals were downstairs doing the daily nap thing.  "All mine," he cooed.  He patted his sandwich.  On the tv, the game show was interrupted by a urgent story.

"We don't know where this storm came from," the weather guy said from the rain-lashed street. "It's a big one though.  Possibly one of the worst hurricanes in the history of Florida."  He looked behind him.  "It just showed up on our radar earlier this morning!"  The signal went to static.

"Florida?" Xander asked.  He started to feel a little funny, his stomach was twinging.  He bent down, trying to stop the light cramping.  "Ow!"  Suddenly, it snapped, and the world seemed to spin.  "GILES!" he screamed.  And passed out.

Strife popped in, looking down at the immortal on the floor.  "Yeah, it was him," he said quietly.  He sighed and the picture came back on.

A different guy, this time wearing a rope around his waist that disappeared behind the camera.  "We don't know where the storm came from," he gasped, "but it just hit land."  He looked around and the camera panned around the damaged buildings.  "This could be worse than Andrew, ladies and gentlemen.  The Red Cross is on the way."  He blinked when he saw the swirling clouds coming toward him.  "I don't know if we'll make it through this next part of the storm.  We're in the eye of the hurricane right now.  We've only got a few minutes.  Please, everybody remain calm.  Florida officials are already mobilizing, they're on their way here as we speak."  The picture tilted and started to bounce away from the storm.  It finally went dark as they hid inside a building.

"Oh, crap," Strife whispered.  He picked up the phone, hitting the button for Oz's cellphone.  "Come home now," he said quietly.  "And get ready to evacuate."  He hung up, looking around the house.  "We'll miss this place," he told the furniture.  He bent down, smacking Xander lightly.  "C'mon, wake up. You don't have all day!"  Xander opened his eyes and focused on him.  "You've got to get ready to leave.  The storm's comin' this way," he said quietly.  Xander sat up, but he was pale.  "You've gotta pack everything right now.  Anything ya leave probably won't make it very far."

Xander nodded and grabbed his sandwich on the way down to the bedroom areas, eating as he walked.  He grabbed the neverending bags.  Their things were easily packed.  There were some things that were too large to fit though, and he'd have to do something about the bed.  He loved this bed.  It had been with them since he, Oz, and Giles had gotten together.  It was an antique that has been in his family for nearly five hundred years.  He closed his mind off to the destruction coming and pretended to pack for another trip.  A short one hopefully.  He moved to the next bedroom, starting on the things in there that he wanted to keep.  Oz came in about an hour later and helped.  Finally, Xander couldn't take it anymore.  "I want to move the house to a demon dimension," he told his husband.  "I don't want to lose it."

"Dude," Cupid said as he appeared.  "Less worry about the house, more worry about your lives."

Oz looked at him.  "This house has held the best of our lives."  He gave Xander a hug.  "We'll find a way," he reminded him.  "Call Micah?"

"The portals aren't working," Ares said as he appeared.  He had forgiven Xander for his teasing a few years back.  "You don't have time, Oz."

"No, but I have some power," Xander told them.  He headed down to the library, starting to pack the books away in a never ending bag.  He found the one he was looking for and sighed.  It was a hard spell and his magic only let him grow plants.  This might backfire and hurt him badly.  Or it might not work at all.  He pulled out the ingredients, laying them out on the floor.  He noticed Oz coming in to pack the rest of everything.  "Don't forget my database," he quietly reminded.  He lit the candle and threw the first herb onto the flame.  As he started the chant, the back of his mind was praying that this worked.  This house held the best memories of his life. He couldn't lose them.

Oz glanced at him, then went back to saving what he knew they could.  He could use the help, but he understood.  He didn't want to lose the house either.  He waited until Xander passed out, then put him into a bag too.  The animals went in there with him, they'd keep him company while he recuperated.  He finished packing what he could and bundled the bags into the back of his car.  He took one last look at the house, then left it.  Probably for the last time.  He drove away, tuning the radio to the local weather station.

"As of this moment, the storm is outside of Los Angeles.  It may not hit land, but if it does, it'll be as bad as the one that just hit Florida.  Please, if you live somewhere vulnerable, somewhere your house might slide or be taken down by a high wind, evacuate."  There was a pause. "We've just received an evacuation order for the whole of the coastal region.  Everyone who lives within twenty miles of the West Coast needs to leave their homes, no matter if you think you're safe.  The National Guard is coming to help you leave as quickly as possible.  Please, go with them.  We don't want to lose any lives."  The radio staticed up.

"Shit," Oz muttered, turning onto the interstate.  He headed for Vegas, knowing nothing could take the resort down.  They could wait there for news about Giles, and Xander could get help there.

***

Xander opened his eyes, wincing at the blankness floating around him.  "Where am I?"  He sat up, nudging the cat resting on his side out of the way.  "You guys are here too?"  He checked them over, grabbing the dog sitting farther away to check her too.  Finally, he settled on the cat which had been sitting on him to cuddle.  "Hello?" he called.

The blankness wavered around him and a beautiful woman appeared.  She had silver hair with black streaks in it, was wearing a long blood red robe, and was barefoot.  She smiled sadly at him.  "Your mate is safe," she whispered, touching the side of his face.  He could feel energy seeping into him.  "Yes, it was his arrogance that started the storm.  He tried something far out of his reach.  The same as you did."  Xander swallowed.  "Yours was done out of sorrow, but I did hear and understood.  When you get to your final resting spot, it will be there."  She smiled at him again.  "Young Xander.  Such a noble warrior and lover.  The anchor that holds us all."

"Hecate?" Xander whispered.  She nodded.  "The house?"

"Is destroyed, yet saved."  He relaxed.  "You, on the other hand, need to know your limits."  She pointed up at the seam above him.  "Your mate saved you, putting you into my hands to heal.  I have done it this once."

He nodded.  "I won't do anything that bad again."  He glanced around again.  "I'm in a bag?"  She nodded, starting to smile again.  "How long?"

"Three weeks.  Strife passed on that you were with me."  She touched the side of his face again.  "He has seen the error of his ways, but he's not ready to come back yet."  She straightened up. "You have other questions?"

"Is Richard okay?  I figured that he did something to try and stop the storm, that's why we got hit on our coast too."  She shook her head.  "No, that's not why, or he's not okay?"

"The imbalance of your second mate trying to close a demon dimension off for all time caused both storms.  Young Richard is safe in Paris.  Your other mates are in Europe and heading for you.  Your duty to the Hellmouth is now over with as it's buried so deeply no one can ever breach it again."

Xander reached out and touched the sleeve of her robe.  "Thank you," he told her when she looked shocked.  "I know you didn't have to help me, or heal me, or even show up and talk to me.  Thank you."

She smiled at him, a friendly smile this time.  "You are welcome.  Don't come to my area again though.  It is not for you."  She faded out.

Xander reached up and knocked on the seam above his head.  "Oz?"  The bag opened and his mate looked down at him.  "Help me out?" he asked pitifully.

Oz reached down and grabbed him under the arms, hoisting him out.  He reached back in to help the animals out, smiling at the kitten that licked his fingers.  "Love you too, silly."  He looked over his husband, who was very thin.  "You lost a lot of weight," he noted quietly.

Xander looked down at himself and sighed.  "At least I'll be able to build it back up."  He looked around the dirty hotel room.  "Where are we?"

"A day from Vegas.  There's been horrible traffic jams the whole way.  Everyone decided to head for the desert and we only got sixty miles today."  He sat down on the bed, pulling Xander into his lap.  "Do you feel okay?  I can let you go back to sleep if you want."

"Nope, I'm okay.  Kinda hungry," Xander admitted gently.  He stole a kiss.  "Hecate came to me."

"She scared the hell out of me when I tried to wake you up and you wouldn't."  Oz squeezed him.  "She said she'd help you."  Xander's hipbones were sticking out, and it was disturbing him horribly.  "I've got a cheeseburger beside the tv."

"Giles?  I know she said he's okay, but still."

"Steven and Richie are at the resort.  They've heard from him.  He's heading for London.  Richard's going to meet him there."  He stood up, carrying Xander over to the bag with the food in it.  "Eat.  You need it more than I do."  He stroked the thin back as his mate ate, making sure he couldn't move away from him.  Even when Xander went to the bathroom, he followed.

"He's fine," Ares said as he appeared.  He looked around the room, smiling at the ferret that came over to bat at his boots.  "Yes, hi," he told it.  He looked at Oz.  "Hecate said he would be fine."

"He lost forty pounds," Oz told him.  Ares winced.  "Yeah, so I'm worried.  Shoot me."  He shrugged.  "One more day and we'll be at the resort."

"If they have room," Ares pointed out.

"I told Steve to save us a room or else he was going to lose his head."  Xander came out of the bathroom and the discussion stopped.

"Hi," he said, smiling at Ares.  "Did Hecate tell you I needed to do something for her?"

"Nope," Ares told him.  "But I hate to tell you that Ray's really upset with you."

"Not right now," Oz butted in.

"No, it has to be right now."  Ares frowned at Xander.  "You didn't get the picture."

"I did," Oz told him.  "It's in the trunk."  He patted Xander's butt.  "Finish dinner.  I'll go out for more in a few minutes."  Xander sat down to eat the cold fries.  "How bad was it?  I haven't seen a news broadcast in days.  Between satellite problems and government blackouts, there hasn't been any news from either city."

"Miami was totaled," Ares told him.  "LA was partially destroyed, but there was a force field in place thanks to some of the demons.  It dissipated almost as quickly as it started."

"And the house in Canada?" Xander asked.

"Fine.  The trees shielded it.  The one in Miami is gone of course."

"If we have to, we can live in Vegas.  What about bank stuff?"

"Thankfully, most of the information is saved at the national headquarters these days.  Your funds are all right.  The demon bank retreated to their home dimension.  Your forge is still there, it's about the only thing though."  He smiled at Xander and created a bowl of fruit.  "Eat, kid.  You don't know what's waiting for you at the resort."

"Hopefully, a decent bathtub and a bigger bed," Oz said dryly.  Someone knocked on the door.  "What?"

"Who's in there with you?"

"I paid for two of us," Oz called back.  He got up and answered the door, ignoring Ares.  "See, two of us."

"Then who's the guy on the bed?" the manager asked.  "Looks like three to me."

Oz looked back in the room.  "I only see the guy on the bed."

The manager glared at him.  "Are you actually trying to tell me you don't see the guy in black and green leather?"  Oz nodded.  "You're shittin' me.  You can't miss him."

Oz stepped back, right through where Ares was standing, the God had went intangible.  "Where, here?"

"Yes, there!"  He blinked, then rubbed his eyes.  "He's not there?"  Oz shook his head.  "I'm goin' nuts."

"You're probably overworked because of the traffic," Oz suggested.  He stepped away from Ares, going back to the door.  "We've all descended on you recently.  I'm sure you're just tired."

The manager sighed.  "Yeah, maybe you're right.  Anyway, the restaurant is closing in a few minutes.  We're about out of food."

"Thanks.  I'll come get what I can in a few."  He closed the door.

Ares chuckled.  "Nice."  He looked at Xander, who was eating an apple.  "Try to get some protein into him.  He'll have to regain that weight."

"Fight coming?" Xander asked.

"Probably," Oz agreed.  "But I'll take your challenges for you."  Xander glared at him.  "You're forty pounds underweight. I doubt you can hold your sword."  He smiled at Ares.  "Thanks for the help, big guy.  Kiss Jace for me."

"Every day."  Ares dissolved.

Oz sat down beside Xander, giving him a hug.  "You eat, I'm going to go scavenge some food."  He grabbed his wallet and a kiss, then left the room.

Xander laid back on the bed, nibbling on his apple.  He slowly fell asleep between bites.

Oz found the line for the restaurant, smiling at the young girl standing in line in front of him.  "Your parents step out?" he asked.

She smiled wetly at him, it was obvious she had been crying.  "She had to call someone for some money."

Oz looked at his fat wallet, then shrugged.  "Why don't you tell her to come see me, 'kay?"

"I'm not into funny stuff," a woman said behind him.

Oz looked back at her, noticing how thin she was too.  He pulled out some bills to hand them over.  "No strings.  Just the fact that I don't like to see anyone suffer.  My husband's lost a lot of weight because of this too."  He stepped forward as the line moved.

The woman looked at the bills, frowning at him.  "We don't need charity," she said angrily.  She tried to hand the cash back.

Oz put it back into her hand.  "Not that either.  Trust me, I can afford it."  He waved his wallet.  "This is something that's considered catastrophic.  You're probably going to have to find a new house, you'll need food in the meantime.  Let me do this."  He stepped forward again.  "Besides, my mate's picky and our animals are probably taking all the bed by now so I've got nothing else to do at the moment."  He shrugged.  "I'm nice, not anything else."  He stepped into the building when the line moved up.  He pointed at the little girl.  "Want to take your spot back?"

"Sure."  She stepped around him, putting an arm around her daughter's shoulders.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  Oz looked at the sign beside him, noticing what was still in stock.  Just as he moved again, the board was updated, removing all the meat products from it.  He sighed and grabbed a few cans of wet food for animals.  The woman looked at him.  "I have two cats, three dogs, and five ferrets," he told her.

"Are you rich?" the little girl asked.

Oz looked down at her and nodded.  "Yup.  It's all my husband's, but we're really well off.  He designs jewelry."

"That's cool," the little girl said.

"I doubt he's going to have much business for the next few years," her mother told her.

"Probably not, but we'll be okay.  We had a house in Miami, and one in LA."  The woman hissed.  "Yeah, so we're going to go impose on friends."  He shrugged and juggled the cans of animal food.  By the time he got to the counter, there were four people waiting to the side counting money, and there was almost no food left.  "Anything like a sandwich?" he asked the cook.

"Peanut butter and jelly," she said wearily.  "And we've got some beans or some fruit."

"Give me three pb&j, and some slices of bread," he told her.  He looked at the stock on the shelves.  "And these three," he said, grabbing some canned meat and crackers.  He put them with the animal food and pulled out some cash.  He saw the looks his wallet was given and handed over a few bills to the people needing money.  He left with his small bag of supplies, stopping to hand some more money to a woman with a child crying that he was hungry.  "I'm nice," he told her when she looked at him funny.  "I don't want anyone to suffer."  He headed back to the room, closing and locking the door behind him.  He even put the chain on.  "I feel guilty," he told his sleeping husband.  "We have plenty of cash.  There's people out there without anything."

Xander mumbled and held up a hand, silently asking for a hug.  "You feel guilty because of Giles," he said once Oz was beside him on the bed.  "Did you give out money?"  He turned into the comforting body.

Oz picked up the half-eaten apple and finished it in a few bites.  "Maybe I do feel guilty about Giles. And yeah, I handed out some money to some families."  He let his husband snuggle in. "One more day," he assured him.

"Good.  I don't think I can take too much more of this," Xander said as a radio started next door.  "I sound spoiled," he said a few moments later.

"We are spoiled.  We don't get near people usually.  We only see people when we go shopping or head out for the night.  This is forcing us to be close to a lot of people, and it's got to be a shock."

"It's not quiet.  I liked the quiet," Xander whispered.

"We'll have quiet again, just not for a few months," Oz assured him.  He knew how Xander felt.  He was upset by all the noise and the people forced into this motel.  They were definitely spoiled. Maybe it was time to rejoin life?  "How about we go to the next GHS convention?" he asked. Xander mumbled something and licked him on the chest.  "Or maybe go out to party once we're in Vegas?"

"As long as we don't look like we're proving that we're rich," Xander agreed, opening his eyes. "I don't want to act like some spoiled heir who's flaunting the fact that they have cash when nearly everyone else is rebuilding."

"I can agree to that.  But maybe we'll be able to help out once we get to the resort."

"It's probably full too."

"Yeah, it probably is."  Oz stroked his husband gently, soothing him back into a nap.  The food could wait, it would last.

***

Steve sighed when he saw Xander and Oz walk in together, the animals not with them apparently.  "No animals?"

"In a bag," Xander told him, leaning on the counter.  He was really tired from the walk.  That was a long hike from the valet parking lot.  "Are we okay on a room?"

"You're fine.  The family suite is waiting for you," he told them, handing over the keys.  "If anyone in the group shows up, you may end up sharing, but for right now it's just you guys.  Richie's on my couch."

"He can have one of the spare bedrooms," Oz told him.  "We don't mind."  He patted Xander on the back.  "How is everything?"

"Let me walk you up."  He led the way to the elevators, waiting until they got on to say anything else.  "We're packed.  We've given discounts to anyone who was desperate enough and needed a room.  We've got about six rooms saved in case any immies show up and we're giving everyone a head's up, but I'm predicting a fight any day now."  Oz nodded.  "What happened?"  He stopped the elevator and picked up the phone.  "It's me," he said, then hung it up.  "That storm wasn't natural, you can't convince me that it was."

Xander sighed.  "Giles was trying to close off a demonic dimension for someone.  It backlashed."  Steve blanched.  "He's fine, heading for London.  His powers are nearly gone, he's seen the fact that he's on the wrong path, and he's really sorry.  I'm wondering if it was necessary though."

Oz nodded.  "Strife popped in that first day.  He said that Giles was stopping a civil war among the demons by closing off a few dimensions from each other.  The barrier ripped, which led to an energy explosion, which leached out and caused the storms on both coasts."  Steve sighed.  "It could have destroyed this plane too," Oz said pragmatically.  He looked around.  "No privacy upstairs?"

"Amanda was seen yesterday and we're not sure where she is, but we all know she can't keep her mouth shut."  Steve restarted the elevator. "Do you have any orders?"

"Not yet," Xander said, giving him a faint smile.  "If we have to, are we listed as an emergency shelter?"  Steve nodded.  "Are we prepared for that?"

"We're running a little short of fresh food.  Everything is in disarray.  Shipments are lost or stuck.  We've got enough meat in the freezers to run a steak buffet for the next week straight.  Canned vegetables and fruits are fine as far as the chefs' said.  I'd say we can go for a week before having to get creative."

"What about when shipments start and the prices hike?" Oz asked, stepping off the elevator.  He set down the bag he was carrying so he could let out the animals.

"You weren't kidding," Steve said in awe.  "Is that one of those bags?"

Xander nodded.  "I napped in once since we left Sunnydale."  He sat down carefully on a chair and looked at Oz's student.  "What can we do to make things go easier?"

"Have some cash ready," Steve suggested.  "The resort didn't keep that much on hand.  We're running on about two days worth of deposits right now."  Oz tossed over his wallet.  "Almost no one's taking credit cards yet.  The local banks are frozen until the national headquarters start to put out information again.  They're saying a week before things start going back to normal."

"If that doesn't hold you, tell us," Oz told him.  "We kept about sixty thousand in the safe at home."

"Just in case I got a wild hair up my ass and decided to go shopping," Xander said wryly.

"Feeling spoiled?" Steve asked with a smile.  Both men nodded.  "I can understand that.  I did too.  Where is everybody else?"

"Meth and Ray were in Italy last I heard, and they're trying to get here.  It may take them a few days.  Ray's got the inheritance papers with him for the houses in Sunnydale and Florida so we can do the insurance thing."

Xander looked around.  "I want a party," he told them.  Both men looked at him.  "A 'we survived' party.  Maybe a fundraiser or something, but definitely a party so we can be hysterical without going nuts."  He looked at Steve. "Can we do that?"

"I think someone else is already starting to do that," Steve admitted.  "I'll check though, maybe we can cohost or run a second one."  He patted Xander on the shoulder, wincing when he felt the thinness under the loose t-shirt.  "What happened to you?"

"He decided to do a spell that was way out of his range," Oz explained.  "But he saved the house."

"Hecate said it'd be waiting for us in our final resting spot," Xander explained.  "I just couldn't let it go.  Most of our life was there, all the good times were."  Oz touched his hand, silently telling him that he understood.

"Wasn't that dangerous?" Steve asked.  The couple nodded.  "Why?  It's just a house."

"It's our home," Oz explained.  "Xander's right though, it holds almost all of our really great memories.  I didn't want to lose it either."  Steve shook his head.  "It's the difference between a house and a home, Steve.  You'll find it some day."  He yawned.  "Anything we need to do right now?"  The elevator opened, letting Richie out.  "Hey.  You can have a spare bedroom if you want."

"No offense, but you guys are really loud."  He grinned.  "At least you made it out okay.  Any news on the other old guy?"

"Italy," Xander told him.  "Heading here."  He yawned.  "Sorry, but I'm wasted."  He stood up with a grunt and headed for their usual bedroom.  "Hey, new sheets," he called back.

Steve and Richie glared at Oz.  "He did a spell to save the house," Oz told them.  "It was harder than he should have been able to do."  He stood up.  "He lost some weight and he's perpetually tired.  He's fine though."  He waved and headed for the bedroom.  "Litter boxes please, Steve?" he called back.  "And food?"

"Sure, Oz.  I'll send some soothing stuff up."  He nodded Richie back to the elevator and explained what he had been told on the way to the lobby.  Richie shook his head and walked away, heading for the kitchens to do something useful.

***

Xander was dragged into the emergency medical station by a nurse, protesting the whole way.  "I'm not sick, I'm just too thin," he complained.  "There's other people who need you more."  The resort's assistant manager had the small clinic set up for the refugees, it freed up space at the area hospitals.  A few other resorts were doing the same thing.  No one was going to be using the ballrooms anyway, so it was a good use of the space.

The nurse forced him to sit down, staring at him.  "I doubt that anyone else is walking around looking like a skeleton, young man."  She looked him over.  "You look familiar."

"I co-own the resort with Steve and my husband."

"Oh.  AIDS?"

Xander shuddered.  "No, just sick for a few weeks.  I was stuck in bed and I couldn't keep food down.  Nothing worse."  She gave him a skeptical look.  "Really.  I was tested last month and I'm monogamous with my lover."  He didn't think she needed to know about Ray or Methos, it would just make her look at him funnier.  "Trust me, I'm okay.  I'm resting.  My animals comfort me when I'm feeling cranky."  He tried to stand up but she pushed him back down.  "Really, I'm fine.  My personal physician is on his way here.  Take care of the others who need it."  He gave her his most endearing smile, but it didn't work, she wasn't going to let him go.  When the doctor came in, he shrugged.  "I tried to tell her I was sick recently and this was because of that."

"AIDS?"

"NO!"  Xander growled.  "I'm not that sick.  I had some sort of mega-flu that didn't let me keep down anything for three weeks."  He crossed his arms.  "I'm fine.  I'm monogamous, been married now for many years."

The doctor checked him over anyway, and finding nothing wrong decided to give him orders.  "I want you to go back to bed, Mr. Harris.  This resort has this wonderful feature called room service and I'm sure you'll find them willing to bring you food."

Xander grimaced.  "Actually, I was hunting the escaped ferret," he admitted.  "She snuck onto the elevator when the cleaning lady came up."

"I'm sure the nice people who staff this resort will help you look for her because you need to go back to bed."

Oz strode in, looking relieved.  "Passed out?" he guessed.

"Dragged in here.  They didn't think I had the flu."

"Well, it is suspicious when young men your age get down to this amount of thinness," the doctor reminded him.  "Usually, it takes a life threatening illness, and in your age group it's usually AIDS."  Both men shuddered.  "But since you say it's not and that you've recently been tested, I'll let it go at that."

Oz held up his ring.  "We've been married since Xander was twenty," he told the doctor.  Not quite a lie.  Xander only looked twenty-three or twenty-five after all, not closer to two hundred- twenty-five.

The doctor smiled at him.  "It's good to see such committed couples.  Quite a few divorces are going to happen as soon as the stress level falls."  He helped Xander stand up.  "He needs to go back to bed and slowly build up to eating again, young man.  If you want, I can give the chefs a regime for him to follow."

Oz shook his head.  "We're doing okay on our own.  He's actually gained five pounds since we got here."  He held out a hand for Xander to take, tucking him against his body.  "I'll go put him back in bed though."

"See that you do," the nurse told him.  "He's down here hunting ferrets."

Oz nodded.  "We've got five of them. The escapee is actually an albino ferret."  He led Xander from the room, heading back to the front desk.  He smiled at the woman behind it.  "Could you please make a note that the albino ferret who's running around is ours?" he asked her.  "Harris and Osbourne, owners suite?"

She typed it into the computer, chuckling when a note popped up.  "The boss said that he would be on the lookout for it and he'll start looking in the kitchen."  She glanced at Xander.  "He also said to put him back to bed before someone else captured him and suggested he was really sick."

"I am, I'm sick of bed," Xander told her with a wink.  "Please send up our baby whenever Steve or Richie find her."  He let Oz lead him to the elevators.  "Wanna watch tv, now that the satellites are working again?"

"Only if you're going to curl up in my lap and nibble."  Oz nodded at the couple waiting with them and stuck his key to call the elevator that went to the suites.  He saw the appraising looks.  "He had the flu for two weeks before we had to flee LA," he told them.

"Oh, poor boy," the older woman cooed.  "You just need a good meal or three."

"Or six or seven," Oz agreed.  "He's gained five pounds this week though, so we'll be fine."  He stepped onto the elevator, letting the couple stand in front.  "Push the 'o' button please."

"You're owners?" the older man asked.  Oz nodded.  "Wow.  Coming in to help manage the emergency?"

"Steve, the guy running the place for us, does a really great job, but our house got taken out in the LA storm," Xander told him.  "So we're bugging Steve and helping out a little bit, while mourning and looking for a new place to live."

"At least you got out alive," the older woman told them before getting off on their floor.  "Have a nice day, gentlemen."

"You too," Xander called.  "They were nice."

"They're on Steve's list of casino cheats.  Saw the notice earlier."

"Oh.  Huh."  Xander sneezed.  "Wonder if they know Amanda and where she is."

"Who knows," Oz sighed, letting them off at their floor.  He got them seated on the couch and the tv on, watching the news programs.  That was the only thing on, besides the normal daytime drivel.  They sat together, watching the coverage of Miami's rescue efforts.

"It's going to take years to get back into fighting shape, isn't it," Xander said quietly.

"Probably," Oz agreed.  "But I'll help you.  You know that."

Xander smiled up at him.  "Were you serious?  About going to the next GHS convention?"

"Yeah, I was.  I think we could use a little grounding outside our group of friends.  We can even bring Methos with us if you want."  Xander nodded and snuggled back in again.  "It should be another year or so before a convention is planned."

"Maybe we can talk Steve into hosting it here."

"Doubt it.  He's still having nightmares about the impromptu convention a few decades back."  He gave his husband a squeeze.   "We'll figure it out later."  He snuggled in, his eyes slowly drifting shut.

"As long as you get better," Oz whispered, pulling the throw off the back of the couch to cover them up.

***

Methos walked off the elevator, smiling at the animals which came running.  "Hello, little creatures," he said, giving them each a perfunctory pet.  "Ray?"  Ray came out of the elevator, still reading his newspaper.  "Do you think they're here?"

"Someone's snoring," Ray pointed out, walking blindly in the direction of the noise.  He ran into the bedroom door and opened it, walking in to lay beside whomever was on the bed.  If they were family, they wouldn't mind.  Even Richie had loosened up over the years.  "Hey."

Oz poked him.  "You're laying on the blankets," he complained.  "Xander's already hogging most of them."

Ray shifted, giving him a short grin before going back to his paper.  "Ya know, there's some strange rumors out there about those storms.  Some paranoid people are even saying a witch did it."

"Huh."  Oz smiled at Methos as he walked in.  He glanced at Xander, who had mummified himself thoroughly.

Methos walked in and sat down beside Xander, patting him on the covered arm.  "Is everyone all right?"

Oz forced himself to sit up.  "More or less.  Giles is pretty wasted magically.  Xander's wasted physically and magically."  One eyebrow went up.  "He saved the house."

"Wow," Ray said, finally putting aside his paper.  He grabbed some of the blankets and tugged, but the ripping noise made him stop.  "Xander, we wanna cuddle," he said quietly, not wanting to wake the other man up, just wanting him to let go.  It worked, Xander flipped toward him, giving Methos an opening to peel the blankets off his body.

Methos growled, "What happened to him?" and forced Xander onto his back so he could look him over.

"The spell to save the house was harder than he should have been able to do. He did it," Oz explained, "but it about killed him.  Hecate saved him."  He looked over his husband's body.  "He looks better now than he did when I pulled him out of the neverending bag."

Methos finished his scanty physical and gently tucked the younger man in.  He pulled Oz up and forced him into the living room.  "He saved the house?"

"Hecate said the spell basically saved a copy of the house and everything in it.  It's now wherever we're going to end up.  But the spell was something that even Giles would have had trouble doing on his own so it took too much out of Xander, which is why he lost weight.  She healed him, but it still drained his body."

"He'll be fine?" Ray asked from the doorway.  Oz nodded.  "Then let's not bitch him out because'a this and just cuddle the poor guy.  He's probably already heard it a few times."  He put an arm around Oz's waist so he could pull him back to the bed, climbing in behind him.  "This is the life, huh," he said as Methos climbed in behind Xander.

"No, the life was back at the house," Oz told him.  "Where there was quiet and privacy."

Ray nipped him.  "You're soundin' spoiled."

"I know.  We realized that the day that I pulled Xander out of the bag."  Oz stroked over Xander's shoulder.  "He'll be fine."

"We'll make sure of it," Ray agreed, sharing a look with his husband.  He could make Xander behave when even Oz couldn't, so they'd help out for a while.

***

Xander looked around the small club, which he had pressured Steve into opening, with a sense of pride.  He noticed a reporter coming toward him and smiled nicely at her.  "Yes?" he asked.

She put her microphone in his face.  "Don't you think that this is a bit excessive considering that most of the people here are grieving?" she demanded.

Xander pulled her out of the way of someone wanting to get in.  "No, I think this is a healthy way to blow off some of the nervousness, anxiety, and tension we've all been feeling instead of biting the heads off the people who're trying to help," he told her, looking and sounding serious.  "This isn't a party for partying's sake, this is something to blow off steam and excess energy.  Not so much to have fun, but to relax and let it go."  He shrugged.  "Even my family, which has money, is feeling a lot of pressure right now.  Housing, food bills, all that stuff, is really starting to wear everyone out.  By dancing and making bad jokes, we can wear out some of those worries for a few hours."  He glanced around, then back at her.  "Trust me, it's better to do this than to go stand outside and scream, or to go hurt someone or yourself at the gym or in a fight, or even going out and blowing off steam by doing dangerous things.  This is safety."

"Thank you."  She walked away.

"Misquote me and I'm buying your network," he called after her, giving her a smile when she frowned at him.  "Hey, I had to say it."  He slid into the crowd on the dance floor, nodding at the DJ to start the music.  He danced for a few songs, then headed for the bar area.  It had been a stretch, but Richie and he had talked Steve into setting up a free bar - free except for alcohol.  If you wanted to get blitzed, you could do that at home.  This was supposed to be a safe place where you could wear out the tension around other people.  So any non-alcoholic drink was free to anyone who asked.  Already, someone was complaining at the bar.

"They said it was free!" she told the bartender.

He nodded.  "Anything non-alcoholic is free.  Alcohol isn't so no one becomes a nuisance."  He walked away to get a bottled water for a man at the end.

"Fine."  She slapped down a few bills and walked away.

Xander caught the bartender's eye and smiled.  "Some people," he mouthed.  The bartender smiled.  "Great DJ, Craig, thanks for finding him for us."  He grabbed a bottle of water and wandered around, finding the table where Richie was sitting and watching.  "Find anyone cute?" he asked as he sat.

"A few," Richie admitted with a smile.  "This was a great idea.  No cover, free drinks.  Decent music.  This should last long enough for everyone to start feeling normal again."  He sipped his own water.  "Where's Oz?"

"Looking at houses.  We don't want to take up the resort's resources when we can afford a house of our own."  Xander watched the crowd move and shift.  "I hope we find something."

"There's always the house in Canada," Richie said optimistically.  "And mine in New York."

"How is New York?"

"Crowded with us.  Most of us who had to move seemed to end up on my doorstep.  A few were heading here from Europe figuring that the world was going to end and we might as well fight."  He shifted, his shoulder was still sore from the challenge he had accepted last night.  Not that he would tell Xander about it, Oz had made sure he knew that Xander wasn't supposed to be fighting.  "Where's he looking?"

"Here in town for a rental.  We've talked to our insurance guys and voluntarily put ourselves far down the list for compensation.  One of our insurance guys actually cried when we volunteered to be pushed back on the list."  Xander sipped his water.  "I got accused of doing this out of some joy thing."

"Huh.  Reporter?"

Xander nodded.  "And I told her if she misquoted me, I was going to buy her network."  Richie snickered.  "I hate being misquoted.  It sucks majorly and you spend too much time trying to fight off a bad reputation."

"Amen.  I was misquoted two weeks ago, probably by the same woman.  She said I was here because of some sort of saint complex when I told her that I was friends with Steve."  He laughed when the fight started, noticing how fast the bouncers worked.  "You won. Less than ten minutes into the music when the fight broke out."  He handed over a five dollar bill.  "How long before the casinos reopen?" he asked casually.

"I heard that the big ones were thinking about reopening next week.  Since we only have a few machines and tables, they've been kinda open but no one's played.  Steve kept a dealer in there the whole time in case someone *had* to gamble."  He finished off his water.  "I'm going to go dance.  Wanna come?"

"No thanks.  I'd rather have a pretty woman in front of me.  Or behind me," he said philosophically.  "Being surrounded by them would probably be even better, but I doubt I'm going to get laid tonight."  He finished off his own water and headed down to a different part of the floor.

Xander headed for a group of younger people, going to dance with them.

***

Steve tapped on the wall as he walked off the elevator.  "Xander?" he called when no one came.

"Bathroom!"

"I'll be out here."  He sat down on a couch to wait, smiling when the cat crawled up into his lap.  "Hello, pretty.  How are you?"  He petted the small furry animal while he waited.  Xander eventually came out and sat beside him.  "The club's doing okay.  We got roundly booed by few newspapers, but the rebuttal letters seem to have kept people from trying to burn us down."  He smiled.  "And Oz just called.  He's frustrated.  They're showing him mansions instead of houses."

Xander nodded.  "I can help with that."  He scratched the cat in Steve's lap behind the ears.   "Is there anything else I can do to help?"

"Rest and get better because one reporter said you looked sick."

"I am sick," Xander agreed, looking down at himself.  "My stomach's protesting life right now by doing gross things and I stopped gaining weight."

"It's a long process," Steve reminded him, handing back the cat. "Oz'll be here to pick you up in about an hour.  He said to be ready."  He stood up.  "Still no word on the missing ferret, and we've looked everywhere."

"Maybe she got outside," Xander sighed.  "I'll miss her."

Steve patted him on the head.  "Trust me, she'll show up when you least expect it."  He headed for the elevator.  "Ray's helping me with the refugee stuff and Methos is down in the kitchen teaching the chef how to make his special soup.  Be back in time for supper."  He left the suite.

Xander stood up and stretched, then headed for the bedroom to get dressed.  The least he could do would be to help Oz fix the housing problem.  He seemed to be good at fixing problems recently.  He had made sure that sixteen bartenders who were out of work got some, and six DJ's, not to mention quite a few big guys who were needing jobs and became bouncers at the club.  This might not be such a bad problem after all.

***

Xander looked around the mansion that the real estate agent was showing them and nearly shuddered.  The place was six times the size of their former manor house, and it seemed very...sterile. He looked at the man showing them around.  "Way to big for five people and ten animals," he told him.  "Not got that comfy feeling and it doesn't have any interesting architecture.  That's all we're demanding.  We could probably even do with a larger than average family home right now."

The real estate agent consulted his list.  "My boss said that you wanted something large and ornate."

"Not us," Oz told him.  "Ours was 'interesting, comfy, and moderate'.  This should belong to one of the displaced Hollywood types."  He headed for the car.

Xander took the agent's arm, working some of his charm on him. "Show us something smaller, more intimate, and cuter."

"Almost everything's been snatched up already," the agent explained as he got into the car.  "The small family type homes are all on reserve because we're expecting that a lot of the population will want to stay here.  Most of what's left is the big, the ornate, and the really expensive."

"Money isn't the issue," Oz reminded him.  "Comfiness is."  He started the car.  "Where to?"

"Well, I have a possible.  It's off the strip at the far end."  He consulted his map.  "Take the turn past the Rio and go for about six miles."

"That's in the desert," Xander said with a frown.  "No greenery."

"Well, the old Mustang Ranch is presently up for sale," the agent said with a smile.

Xander shook his head.  "I'm expecting the Playboy people to take that one or something like we just left.  I heard their compound was all but wiped out too."

"They're rebuilding according to the entertainment news," Oz told him.  He took the required turn onto the strip, the main street in Las Vegas where all the casinos were located, and headed for the Rio.  "What's this one like besides being out in the desert?"

"Probably not what you want, but it's nice.  You may like it though, it's very interesting to look at."  He tapped Oz on the shoulder.  "Take a left on the next block."

***

Xander and Oz trudged into the resort, giving Steve a frown.  "I want to build a small house on the resort's backlot," Xander told him.

Steve shrugged.  "I don't see why not.  We've got some space and there's an old building waiting to be torn down out by the golf course."  He leaned on the check-in desk.  "Not go well?"

"The only things that are left are mansions, or really small houses for single people," Oz told him.

Xander leaned on the counter too.  "Anything remotely family sized is being sold only to families, preference given to people with children.  Everything else was showy and nasty."

"Ah."  Steve shrugged.  "At least you still have Canada."

"Yeah, and we're thinking about heading up there later this week," Oz admitted.  "But I think we need to check it out first."

"It's not like D'Nalia's body's going to be found on a bed," Xander snorted.  "We went to her funeral.  The house was sealed up but it should be fine.  After all, Migrid made it for us."

"You could always claim your planet," Steve joked.  Xander glared at him.  "Joking," he reminded him.

"I don't want a planet.  That's a lot of work and I don't even want to think about what that would do to my taxes."  Xander straightened up.  "C'mon.  I wanna hit the whirlpool upstairs."  They both waved and headed for the elevators.

Steve considered the two men, then shrugged. "Only them," he told himself.  "But I'm thinking that they're going to find Xander some day and make him take that planet."  He checked the resort's logs of empty rooms.  "Which immie came in?" he asked his assistant, who had walked up behind him.

"Some big guy named Holden.  Didn't seem pleased at the refugee situation but he was warned."  She smiled at him and patted him on the back.  "Don't worry, this is still holy ground."  She handed him some papers.  "The loan for the second resort, the report on the structure, and my two-weeks notice."  Steve's mouth opened.  "Sorry, boss, but my hubby wants to move to Florida to help rebuild.  His construction company could do some major business down there."

Steve sighed.  "Fine.  Find your replacement."  He folded the papers and put them into his back pocket.  "I'll be in my office drinking poison."

She laughed.  "That dramatic streak will put you on Broadway yet," she called after him.  She sat down at the main computer to check on the paid vs unpaid room ratio, frowning when she saw how much money they were losing.  "It's his place," she reminded herself.  "I can't complain about him being a nice guy."

***

Xander looked up because someone had called his name.  He waved the guy over, giving him a smile.  "Hi.  Do I know you?"

"No, but I know you," the big man said.  He sat down, stroking through his red beard and hair to make sure it was lying smoothly.  "You own this place.  You're the mate to Theodonius."

Xander blinked.  "Um, and you are?"

"Robert Holden.  Richard sent me."

"Gee, I wish he had sent you with a note," Xander quipped.  "What can I do for you?"

"First, how long are we going to inundated with normals?"

Xander raised an eyebrow.   "Probably for about a month.  The housing market's doing good business and a lot of the people have found jobs if they're staying.  We've actually lost a good third of the refugees who were here when Oz and I showed up."  He shifted some, moving a few inches away from this immortal.  He didn't like this guy and he wasn't sure why.  "Steve said that we'll probably be back down to normal tourism rates by the end of next month."

"But there's still going to be normals."

Xander shrugged.  "There were normal people here when Jace ran it.  It's a nice place to bring a family and you can bring your pets."  He put his arms on the table, subtly touching the knife in his shoulder holster.  "I'm sorry if the others are bothering you, but they've always been here.  Jace asked that we keep the resort the same as when she was alive."

"I see."  Holden stood up.  "Then I guess I'll have to do this some other way."  He glanced around.  "Desert, tomorrow, ten miles out of town."

Xander shook his head.  "I don't take challenges," he said quietly.  "I'm not one of you."

"But you are," Holden said with a smile.  "You feel like one of us, you heal like one of us, and you have a quickening like one of us."

Xander shook his head.  "I don't have a quickening.  I'm soul-bound with one of you, that's why I feel like a pre-immie."  He sat up.  "Leave.  This is a place of sanctuary."

"The end is coming and you'll have to fight sometime."

Xander smiled.  "The end isn't coming unless some people force it to.  Even though they're not fighting for anything.  This is a sanctuary, not the place for the gathering.  Leave if you can't understand that."  He stood up.  "Excuse me, I need a drink to wash the foul taste of our encounter out of my mouth."  He headed for the bar, being careful to stay far away from this guy's hands.  He saw Richie and smiled at him, nodding at the guy behind him, then rolled his eyes.  Richie frowned and slithered through the crowd on the dance floor to get to him.  "That's the Holden guy who checked in yesterday," he told him as they headed for the bar.  "Challenged me.  I refused."

"Wow." Richie looked him over.  "Big guy."

"Knew Oz's real name," Xander added.  Richie whistled.  "Yeah.  So I'm going to head out for the night.  Can you deal?"

"Sure.  Have fun."  Richie patted him on the back and headed for the bar for a drink while Xander left the club.

Xander ran into another immortal outside the door.  "Go ahead," he said with a smile.  "It's stress relief."

"One of us is in there," she said, trying to sound bored.

"There's at least two of us in there and one's nice."  He smiled at her and held out a hand.  "Xander Harris."

She shook it.  "Miriam Dubois."  She glanced around.  "Don't you own this place?"

"Co-own.  And I'm tuckered so I'm going to cuddle with my husband now."  He nodded at her and left her alone.  He made it to the elevator before running into another immortal.  This time though, it was a friend.  "Hey, Richard," he said quietly.  The sorcerer pulled him onto the elevator, letting Xander pick the floor.  "Dining room okay?"

Richard looked him over.  "You should be in bed."

"So I've heard from quite a few people," Xander retorted dryly.  "We'll need one of the other elevators to get up to the family suite.  So, what's up?"  He got off and used his key to call for the penthouse elevator.  "And did you send that Holden guy?"

Richard shook his head.  "He's best not discussed where he can hear."

"I left him downstairs in the club after refusing his challenge."  He got on and pushed the button for their suite.  "What's up with him and Dubois?"

"She's here too?" Xander nodded.  "Were they together?"

"Didn't look like it."  Xander stepped off.  "Oz, guests."

"Shoot, he'll have ta put on clothes," Ray called back.  He strolled out of the shared bedroom.  "Hey, Richard.  What's shakin'?"

"Many things, most of them immortal and head-hungry."  Methos came out with Oz after hearing that.  "I followed one of here that failed to take my head.  Apparently he headed right for your mate."

Xander nodded.  "Holden.  Big red-haired guy.  And a skinny girl named Dubois."

"Don't underestimate that one," Methos warned.  "I tried to fight her once.  She's quite fast and plays by the rules about as much as I do."  He pulled Xander over to give him a hug.  "Are you all right?"

"Fine, but we might want to warn Steve and Richie."

"There's got to be twenty immies here right now," Oz pointed out.  "That's a lot of warning."

"Then we'll have to send subtle reminders about this being a sanctuary and holy ground," Steve said as he walked off the elevator with Richie.  "Holden?"  Everyone nodded.  "Bad guy or just power hungry?"

"Hunter.  He does this for the joy of the fight," Richard told him.  "Steve, I hope it's not too much of an imposition for me to steal one of their guest rooms."

"Not a problem," Oz told him.  "We expect family to stay with us.  You're kinda family because you got given ferrets."

Richard smiled.  "Their descendants are presently nestled firmly in Rupert's lap being spoiled."   He looked back at Steve.  "Can you do that subtly?"

"Sure.  With each meal tomorrow we'll send up a small pamphlet detailing the history of this old castle, including the fact that this is holy ground and considered a sanctuary."  He smiled.  "We have an in-house printer who'll do table cards too.  It'll make the grad student studying the resort very happy because her research came to some use outside a paper."

"Sounds great," Oz said, walking around to sit on a couch, stealing his Xander back so he could sit in his lap.  "Should we worry?"

"He knew your original name," Xander told his mate.  Oz shuddered.  "Yeah, and he knew what I am, he argued that I had a quickening too.  I still refused his challenge."

"Which means you just made yourself attractive prey," Ray said, coming over to sit next to Oz and Xander, curling up against Oz's side.  That was his spot whenever they were together.  Methos curled up on the other end of the couch, watching over them.  "What do we do about this if he gets insistent?"

"I'm more worried if he and Dubois get together," Richard told them, sitting down on one of the comfortable chairs.  "Steve, sit.  This won't be a short meeting."

Steve and Richie took the other couch, sitting at opposite ends.  "I figure that we'll have to stop the gathering this time," Richie told them.  "If we don't, we'll have to start explaining bodies, which won't look good."

"Most of the immortals here won't fight," Methos told him.  "They're here to be safe.  They know the rules of the resort."

"Someone accidentally got given the immortal's rules," Steve admitted.  Everyone looked at him.  "Apparently someone else with a tatoo suggested us.  The person checking him in keyed that in and gave him the immortal's rule sheet.  He laughed it off as Ren Faire people."

Xander snickered. "Probably not this year. Any idea how long before the masses clear out?"

"I still think it'll be a few more weeks," Steve told him.

"Which gives us a few weeks of space," Richie pointed out.

"Holden tried to get me into the desert," Xander told him.

"Shoot."

"At least it won't look too bad on the resort," Steve said optimistically.  He coughed.  "I've been meaning to bring this up with you guys, and since most of our senior board is here this is the perfect time.  I'm setting up a second resort in Europe."

"It's needed over there," Methos agreed.  "You can't walk through London or Paris these days without running into a few of us."

"New York's the same way," Richie put in.

"New York always has been," Oz told him.  "The day that Xander got shot I got challenged in our hotel room."  He patted Xander on the back, he didn't like to remember that incident. Xander gave him a hug.  "Thanks."

"Welcome, babe."  He smiled at Steve.  "Where?"

"Switzerland."  He handed over a brochure.  "It'll open next year.  No gambling but a nice place to recuperate and forget the world exists."  The brochure was passed around.  "No objections?"

"Are you going to bless it?" Methos asked, humming at the amenities.

"We're already on holy ground.  Jace said that's where her original resort was."  Oz snatched the brochure from his teacher's hands to read it.  "Not a good place?"

"No, a great place, especially if it's on the same spot.  There were some caves under the old resort that were nearly endless which would be perfect to hide in.  They were used by the resistance during the World Wars."  He smiled at the map on the back.  "Yeah, it's near the same spot, just not on the old foundations."

"The old foundations were cracked so badly that they had to be removed.  We're actually going to be about three hundred feet to the left of the original right corner of the resort.  The priest that checked the ground over with us said that there was a haunted feeling in that three hundred feet."

"Yup, because someone blew the holy ground rule and fought in one of the rooms.  It was haunted until Jace moved the building.  The ghost didn't move with us."  Oz handed it back to Methos, who handed it back to Steve.  "Are there still cranky neighbors?"

"There's an ancient church down the road, the preservation society made some fuss, but they shut up when they realized we weren't coming near them."  Steve relaxed. "So, no one has any objections?"

"Go for it," Xander told him.  "Who's doing the building?"

"Actually, we're moving an older castle which is about a hundred miles away onto the site.  It needs a lot of work, but we can do that in the moving process.  The state was going to tear it down because it's a hazard to people's health.  Someone fell through a floor last year or something."  He shrugged. "It'll all be fixed by the time we're open."

"It's not that Pfalzgraff-style place, right?" Oz asked. Steve shook his head.  "Good, that place was definitely cursed and haunted."

"Oh, it was much more than that," Richard said with a smile.  "The original owners were killed by the eventual owners, who were black sorcerers.  They killed more people than Vlad the Impaler did in his time."

"How did they get away with that?" Ray asked.

"They hired the local cops and everyone was too scared to do anything.  Besides, most of the people of the area owed the Baron their fealty and lives.   He owned their lands and made them pay him outrageous taxes for the privilege of farming it for him.  They couldn't afford to be kicked off or move."

"Ah, the feudal period," Methos said, smiling at Richard.  "When a Lord could get away with anything as long as the King didn't hear or care and he paid all his taxes."

"Yes, the good old days," Richard agreed, smiling at him.  "It was so much easier back then to get away from others of us."

"Yeah, but you had to ride horses," Ray pointed out.

Xander shook his head.  "Consider me in favor of the modern car, except for the pollution factor."

"Xander, did you know that the off-world embassy in New York has been putting out bulletins looking for you?" Richard asked.  "They're even offering a reward."

"I don't want that planet, get over it already," he said, standing up and storming into the bedroom, slamming the door.

"He really hated being stuck there," Oz told him.  "Three weeks searching for him, off-world time. Only a ghost to talk to.  Not exactly something he wants to relive."

"It might be a way away from a hunter," Richard said pragmatically.  "You could take refuge in the embassy while you negotiated the details of the transfer."

"Drop it," Ray told him. "Xander throws a fit every time someone mentions it.  We'll send 'em a letter or something saying that he declines to come forward at this time."

"I'll work on that tonight," Methos agreed, looking at his husband.  "After we get you to the barber."

"I noticed he has Xander hair," Richie said with a grin.  "Trying to turn totally like him?"

"Nah," Ray said with a grin of his own.  "Just never got around ta cuttin' it."  He looked over at Methos.  "What's wrong with my hair?  I kinda like it."

"He's going to get you and Xander confused in the dark soon," Oz told him, running his fingers through the shoulder-length blond hair. "It's not as soft, but it's long."

"Yes, I noticed Xander's hair last night," Methos said dryly.  "How did it grow so fast?"

"Strife."

"Ah."  Methos nodded. "I had thought the troublemaker would do something like that."

"He kept most of Xander's last trim," Oz told him.  "The rest went to make wigs for kids with cancer and stuff."  He shuddered.  "I was firmly against that haircut, but he said that the kids on tv made him realize that he could help them and he was too determined to be stopped.  He nearly went without me."  He nudged Ray.  "You could ask Xander to trim your hair for you.  We'd have to dig out his haircutting stuff, but he's still got it.  He did mine last week."

Ray looked up at him.  "I'd rather have someone who won't laugh and cut it funny."  Oz poked him.  "But he can go with us."

"He probably could use some time outside the resort," Methos agreed.

"He definitely could use some time away from the stress," Ray agreed.  "He's still wound pretty tightly."

"He's under stress from a lot of things," Oz told him.  "Between the storm and Giles causing it, plus his own spell repercussions, helping at the resort, and running the club with Richie, he's wearing himself out."

"He feels guilty because Giles caused it."

"He had to," Richard told everyone.  "If we hadn't been closed off a few of the dimensions, the civil war among between of the demon clans would have spilled over into LA and New York.  It was so bad that the demonic council came to us and asked us to help them close off the dimensions so the warring clans can't get out.  The extreme storms that came afterwards was because one of the clans fought back and it backlashed."

"All that because of a spell?" Richie asked.  Richard nodded.  "He's that powerful?  Giles I mean?"

Richard smiled.  "He is, but he's not anymore.  The flashback went through him first and burnt so many of his lines of power that he's having trouble simply thinking about magic.  Though, it has given him time to reconsider his most recent actions and attitudes."  He stretched backward.  "I think you'll find him changed once he's ready to see you again."  He settled back into the comfortable chair.  It had been a long trip from London.

"You mean once Xander's ready to see him again," Oz amended quietly.  Richard nodded.  "Thanks."

"I'm sure he understands.  He's having nightmares about everything that could have gone wrong that day."

"Huh?" Richie asked.

"While we were off-world working on the treaty, Giles tried to kidnap Xander.  He took him off the planet with a ship he piloted himself."  Steve shuddered.  "So a few nightmares is a good thing in my book."

"I agreed," Richard said with a shrug. "Though, an interesting point, his mistress hasn't been to see him recently."

"I think Discord is probably not happy right now," Xander said from the doorway.  He walked in and sat down in Ray's lap.  "Sorry about earlier.  That time still bothers me," he said quietly, looking at Oz.

"Hey, it bothers me too," Oz admitted.  "I hate to think about you there alone."  He hugged Xander and pulled him into his lap.  "You belong here," he whispered in his ear.

Xander put his head on his husband's shoulder.  "Okay."  He looked over at Richie, who was the only one who he could see.  "Have we decided anything else?"

"Just that you being so thin means that you make a tasty target," Richie told him. Xander shrugged.

"Seriously, you do look weak and helpless," Ray agreed.  He patted Xander's thin arm.  "I'd like to see you look healthy."

"Drop it," Oz told him.  "He's eating and trying to regain it.  It's going as fast as it can."

"Yup," Xander agreed.  "I'm doing the best I can."  He wrapped Oz in his arms.  "I want a vacation."

"I'd love one, but where?" Methos asked, giving him a smile.  Xander frowned at him.  "You're tired of us already?"

"No, but I'd like to go somewhere not stressful.  Somewhere where no one bothers me about stuff that I can't do anything about, or problem immies, or even the club."

"I can handle the club," Richie offered.  "Let you get some rest."

"We'll have to have one soon," Oz agreed.  He'd do just about anything to make Xander feel better, even go somewhere horribly calm.  He'd even go to a monastery if Xander wanted to, but he knew he would get to complain at least once.  "Canada?"

"I feel like I should be here," Xander told him, lifting his head up to look at his husband. "I started stuff and I have to be here to see it through."

"Like I said, I can handle it," Richie reminded him.

"Yeah, but it's my idea," Xander told him.

"Don't argue with him," Oz said, shaking his head.  He just hoped that Richie caught a clue.  Richie wisely just shrugged and dropped the subject.  "So, does that mean that we're staying up here?"

"You can," Steve told them.  "You're not the horrible drain on the resort that you think you are.  Especially if Xander would spend some time on the forge or design some stuff.  Plus, I'm going to have to find someone to do Christmas decorations because my assistant is heading to Florida with her construction worker husband."

"Lots of money to be made there and in LA right now," Oz agreed.  He gave Xander a squeeze.  "The twin's grandkids are going to graduate in a few weeks," he offered.  "Would you like to go to Massachusetts for that?"  Xander nodded, giving him a smile.

"What happened to the house in Vermont?" Richie asked.  "I remember hearing about it."

"We gave the deed to Willow," Oz told him.  "She needed a place of her own and Randolph was the perfect place for her to do her thing.  She's back there right now from what I heard."

"She is.  I called Angel yesterday.  He said she's fine.  Seth and Spike are staying with him right now because their house in Sunnydale was wrecked too."  He looked at everyone else.  "Apparently Angel had a safe house that was somewhere under LA so they're all okay."

"What about the hellmouth?" Richard asked.

"Hecate said that it was buried so deeply that no one would ever find it."  He grinned.  "I guess that's really kinda cool, no more duty to the hellmouth and no more having to find someone to watch the stones."

"It's great," Oz agreed.  "No more having to preplan vacations by months."

Richard smiled at him.  "Why don't you two go take a nap?  You look really tired, Oz."

"Yeah, I am kinda tired."  He looked at Steve.  "Any other things to discuss?"

"Food shipments start again tomorrow," Steve noted.  "We've got a shipment coming directly here so I may need to grab some money if they won't take a check.  There's also a move to close the casinos for another week in the city council."

"Which is stupid, it leaves people out of work," Xander put in.  "Right now people need all the money they can get their hands on."

"Someone put that point into play, but it was practically ignored," Steve told him.  "Most of the casinos are really pissed at the moment."

"At least the mob doesn't run the city anymore," Ray said, smiling when everyone looked at him.  "How do you think they woulda handled this crisis?"

"Probably not as nicely as we did," Richie suggested.  "I doubt there'd be as charity going on."

"There might be," Oz told him.  "I've met some mobsters who could be generous in critical situations.   Of course, they'd have had very little patience with those who couldn't find work right away, or who wanted to come to them for work.  It probably would have only lasted a week or so, unless the homeland was hit."

"Ah, Sicily and Italy," Ray said with a grin.

"No," Oz said, nudging him.  "New York."

Xander chuckled.  "I doubt that the mob would go running anywhere if something happened to New York.  They stayed and fought during the riots over the embassy.  They even stopped it a few of them."

"It was nice of them," Ray agreed.  He stroked across Xander's stomach.  "I wanna give you a cuddle, want one?"

"Sure.  In water?"

"Hey, even better," Ray agreed.  He stood up and pulled Xander into his arm.  "Say good bye," he said sweetly.  "I'll try and make him stay quiet," he said as he walked Xander into the spa room.  Xander waved.

Steve sighed once the door was closed.  "Jesus, Oz, how are you dealing?" he asked quietly.

"We're handling it," Oz told him.  "It's a slow rebuilding.  Just like after an injury."  He looked at his hands.  "I want to protect him, but there's times when I just want to scream at him for what he did, even though I wanted to do the same thing."  He looked at everyone else.  "It's a strange sort of guilt and frustration."

Methos moved closer, pulling Oz into his arms.  "I'll take care of Xander for a bit if you need to get away."

"Maybe," Oz said, starting to relax.  "Just for a week?"

"Of course.  As long as you want."

"After the graduation," Oz decided.  "That'll only be a few weeks from now."

The door opened and Xander stepped out, naked except for a towel.  "Go ahead and go, Oz," he told his husband.  "I'll be okay."

Oz looked back at him.  "Really?" Xander nodded.  "You're sure?"  Xander nodded again and crossed his arms.  "Okay.  I think I'll go check on the house in Carmel then."  He stood up, walking over to give his husband a hug.  "Thanks, babe."

"I understand.  This has been hard on you too.  I'll be okay."  He pushed Oz.  "Go tonight and come to the graduation."  He walked back into the spa room and closed the door softly, locking it behind him.

Oz slumped.  "Xander, it's not you," he called.

"Go, Oz!  Before I change my mind!"

"Yes, dear."  He looked at them, silently telling them that Xander would be protected or he would torturing them all.  They all waved so he went to pack his stuff.   It would be okay.  He would be able to relax without having to worry about Xander.  He walked out with his bag, one of the kittens following him meowing pitifully.  "I'll be back," he told it, bending down to pet her.  "You watch the daddy and I'll be back in a few weeks.  I promise, baby."  He handed the kitten to Richie and walked onto the elevator.  "I'll call," he told them.  "Watch him or die horribly."  The doors closed and he went downstairs.  He got into one of the waiting cabs and handed over some money.  "I need to get away."

"Yes, sir," the cabbie said.  "Airport?"

Oz shrugged.  "I don't know.  Drive around for a few."  He leaned back and relaxed.  He watched the other resorts going past the window.  "Luxor," he decided.  "Or the Bellagio."

"The Bellagio is full, sir.  The Luxor only has a few rooms left, but the Venice is nowhere near full."

"No, we had fun in Venice.  The Luxor, but wait just in case."  The cab pulled into the resort and up to the door.  Oz let the doorman open the door.  "Front desk?" he asked.

"Through the doors and to the right, sir."

Oz strode in, giving the woman behind the desk a grim look.  "I need a room," he told her.  "I need somewhere quiet and possibly stress decreasing."

She smiled at him.  "Sir, we only have a few rooms left.  We do have the privacy floor open, but it's usually only rented out to rock stars."

Oz put his ID on the counter.  "I co-own one of the smaller resorts," he told her.  "Not an issue, but I may end up acting like a rock star."

She shrugged.  "As long as you pay for the damage.  Do you need a suite or just a room?"

"Something nice and spacious enough to pace, but not big enough to seem lonely."

She nodded.  "I have just the room.  Bags?"

"Cab.  I'll go get them."  He left his wallet there and went to get his bags.  "Thanks, dude," he told the cabbie.  "Have a good night of tips."  He headed back inside.  "Where do I go?" he asked the man standing there.

He handed over a form.  "Please sign here, Mr. Osbourne."  Oz did so. "Thank you, sir.  We'll show you right to you room."  He leaned closer.  "I understand that you're feeling a bit violent, and we understand that, our own owner tore his office apart last week plus we've had rock stars at the end of a two year tour.  Just please, don't trash the furniture.  The maker was destroyed in the storms."  Oz nodded.  "And please don't rip out the wiring.  We have a concert coming through in about a month which won't give us enough time to rewire the room."

"Cool with me. I'll be leaving in about two weeks for Massachusetts.  My godkids are graduating from college."  The man nodded.  "Thanks.  Ignore the noises."  He followed the summoned bellhop to his room.   It was perfect.

***

Xander looked at the lunch in front of him, listlessly pushing it around on the plate.  The chair across from him was pulled out and Holden sat down.  "Leave, asshole, before I call security."

"You can't avoid me."

Xander looked him over.  "You've obviously overestimated your abilities," he said snidely.  "And underestimated mine."  He raised a hand and a waiter came running.  "Mr. Holden was going to leave the resort," he told the waiter.  "Could you please tell the front desk?"

"Of course, Mr. Harris."  He looked at Mr. Holden.  "Will you need a cab, sir?"

Mr. Holden stood up.  "No thank you, I drove, kid."  He tipped his head at Xander.  "Touche," he said quietly.  "But I'll be waiting."

Xander wiggled his fingers. "Ta-ta."  He smiled and ate a bite of his salad.  The puppy at his feet barked.  "Yes, you're a good boy," he cooed, putting some of the chicken down for him to eat.

"Sir, we can get him a plate of his own," the waiter offered.

Xander smiled. "No thanks.  I'm used to sharing."

"Yes, sir, but Steve told me that I was to nag you if you didn't eat everything on your plate," he confessed with an embarrassed smile.  "Please, let me get something for your dog?"

"Sure," Xander sighed.  "And smack Steve for me."

"Yes, sir, I'll tell him you said so, sir."  He hurried off to get the dog a treat.  He ran into Steve and told him what Xander had said.  Steve just laughed and handed him a second plate for Xander along with the one for the dog.

***

Xander stepped out of the car, frowning at the man standing a few feet away.  "Why are we doing this?" he asked the other immortal.  "Neither of us want to fight."  The guy had caught him outside the resort and had been too insistent to lose.

"You don't want to fight, I could care less whether or not you live," the other immortal told him.  "You're just another person to get past."

"Technically, I'm not just another person," Xander told him as he pulled out his katana.  "Or another immie."  He took off his jacket and tossed it down on the round.  "Let's do this quickly, my ferrets need brushing."

"You have ferrets?"

Xander grinned.  "Yup, I find their personalities to be a ....quixotic match for my own."  He waved his sword around.  "You ready yet?"

"Yes.  We should do this."  He lunged, but Xander blocked the blade, making the swords clang against each other.  "What's your name?" the other guy panted.

"Harris."  He parried, forcing the other guy back.  "You?"

"Mortimer Sneed, and yes, I'm that one," the guy said with a shrug.  "You can make fun of me now."

"Why would I want to do that?  I used to be compared to you," Xander told him.  "I always thought that your reputation was okay."  He shoved the guy to the right and dove himself, narrowly missing being shot.  "Hey, no cheating!" he yelled.

Mortimer Sneed stood up and brushed himself off.  "How rude."

"Definitely."  Xander stood up and looked around.  "Sniper rifle?"

"It must be, they're too far away to feel."  He looked at Xander.  "Do you really want to fight?"

"Nope, and if my husband knew he'd kill me."  Xander put his sword in an 'at rest' position against his chest.  "This really sucks."

"Yes it does," Sneed agreed.  "What do you want to do?"

"Drink?"  He saw the blatant look over his body.  "Yeah, I know, I probably shouldn't with how underweight I am, but I want to have a brandy."

"I'm all for the civilized customs," Sneed said, picking up Xander's jacket and handing it over.  "Here we are.  Your car or mine?"

"Well, since I'm still not sure of your intentions, I'd say separate cars," Xander suggested, heading for the waiting car.  "Resort?"

"No, let's find a quiet gentlemen's bar and retire to there."  He looked at the driver of Xander's car.  "Surely you know of such a place."

"Yes, sir," the driver said.  "There's a wonderful place inside the Venice.  Or there's a private club downtown."

Xander shrugged.  "The Venice it is."  He headed for his car.  "Thirty minutes?"

"Of course.  It will give me enough time to properly dust myself off."  He walked toward his car.  Another shot rang out.  "Oh, dear."

"Fuck this shit," Xander said, turning cold.  He looked around again.  "Show yourself or die horribly!" he called.  Another shot rang out, giving him a better sense of where the shooter was.  "Yup, my turn now," he said.  He looked up.  "Strife, wanna have fun with someone?  I wanna torture someone!"  Strife appeared and looked at him in shock.

"There's some person trying to break up our amiable split," Sneed told him.  He bowed.  "Lord Strife, I always thought you were real."  He smiled as another shot went off.  "You see?"

Strife nodded.  "I do."  He looked at Xander.  "You sure you wanna help me torture the smuck?"

"Unless it's something really squicky, like a cute woman," Xander said with a shrug.  Sneed looked at him, looking amused.  "Sorry, but I was raised to be partially a gentleman by my best friend, who happens to be a very powerful woman."  He put on his jacket and reholstered his sword.  "Can I?"

Strife shook his head.  "Nope, not even.  Oz'll kill me."

"Oz is taking a private vacation to blow off steam," Xander told him.  "And I'm perfectly capable of handling a little torture.  It's got to be an immie so they'll recover."

Strife considered it then shrugged. "Okay."  He looked at Sneed.  "Give us an hour or so."  He grabbed Xander and took him along for the ride.  They landed behind the would-be assassin, who was a younger kid.

"Umph," Xander groaned, slightly green now.  "I hate that sensation."  He glared at the kid and grabbed him, shaking him.  "What did you think you were doing!" he yelled.  "Bad kid!"

"Like I'm yours," he sneered.  "You're a freak."

"Yeah, and you are too," Xander told him.  He let him go.  "I should kick your ass."

Strife patted him on the shoulder.  "Let me handle this."  Xander glared at him.  "You're not in any condition to torture someone," he said, trying to sound reasonable.  "Besides, I won't be *that* mean ta the kid.  Maybe I'll find him a good spot to live.  I know a few assassins."  Xander pouted at him.  "Hit 'im then," Strife offered.  He loved Xander, but he knew the guy would never be able to torture someone and enjoy it.  The guy was part of the mischief in his life, but he could never survive and live in the other parts.  He watched as Xander wound up, but he couldn't hit the kid.  Then Xander turned and did hit him, but he didn't look at him.  "See," he said quietly, hugging Xander to his side.  "I told ya that you're not cut out for the bad stuff."

Xander looked at him.  "I've seen plenty of bad stuff."

"Yeah, but you're too *nice* ta give it ta anyone else."  He waved a hand and the kid disappeared.  "So, who's the challenger?" he asked causally.

"Mortimer Sneed."

"Really?"  Strife smiled.  "That's cool.  Gonna go have a few?"

"Brandies, which I can't drink too much of because I don't like the taste."  Xander looked around, but his car was heading toward them.  "Steve," he sighed, searching for the tracking device. He found it and handed it to his buddy.  "Cuddles?"

"Sure," Strife said happily.  "We'll talk in a few."  He disappeared as the car pulled up.

Xander got into the back and smiled at the driver.  "Wherever that bar is," he ordered.  "And you can tell your boss that I'm fine."

"Yes, sir."  He turned the car around.  "I'm sure Mr. Steve will be quite pleased that your fight ended peacefully."

Xander leaned back and relaxed.  His muscles were cramping.

***

Xander walked into the resort and ran into Miriam Dubois.  "Yes?" he asked her.  He was slightly drunk and not in the mood to have patience.

"How did your fight go?" she asked pleasantly.

"Fine.  We had a few drinks and agreed that there wasn't any reason to fight."  He smiled.  "It's a good thing.  No gathering messes.  No messes period."  He strolled away.  "Have a nice stay, Ms. Dubois."  He put his key into the elevator with some difficulty but he managed it finally.  No sooner had he walked off the elevator at his suite than Strife grabbed him to hold him.  "Hey, buddy," he said as he snuggled in.  "Soft surface?"

"Sure," Strife agreed with a grin.  "How many did you have?"

"Three brandies and a shot of something thick and liquidy."  Xander rested against the cool leather of his buddy's chest.  Strife always made him feel safe, almost as safe as Oz did.  It was a good feeling, especially with Oz being gone.  He started to blink.  "Stay?"

"Sure, kid."  Strife let his buddy snuggle in, smiling at the feelings that the boy created in him.  He wouldn't jeopardize their friendship, or face Oz's wrath for taking what was his.  A few hours later, Methos came out and found them.  "He didn't have to fight," he told the old immortal.  "But he did go have brandies with Mr. Sneed."

Methos sat on the arm of the couch the pair were cuddled up on.  "Sneed?  Mortimer Sneed?"  Strife nodded.  "I've met him, he's a very lackluster fighter."  He patted the top of Xander's head.  "Do take care of him, I'd hate to have to ask Jace to bring me up so I could castrate you with a sharp-toothed, variable tension clamp."  He stood up and went back to his bed and his husband.  He trusted Strife not to upset either of that couple. As he climbed into bed, Ray rolled over to cuddle him.  "Go back to sleep," he whispered, soothing his mate back into good dreams.

***

Xander walked out of the airport and put on his glasses.  He was animalless, they were all being watched by Richie for the week he would be in New England.  He saw the man holding the sign with his name on it and headed for him.  "Harris?" he said.  The driver nodded.  "Cool.  Am I staying near the college?"

"Yes, sir.  Right this way, sir."  He led the way to a black car.  "Please get in, sir."  He opened the door.

Xander climbed in, and found someone else in there.  "'Scuse me," he said, starting to get back out.

"Mr. Harris, please remain seated," the other man said quietly.  Xander sat down again, staring at him.  "I need to talk to you on the way to your hotel."  He snapped his fingers and the car started.  As soon as they had pulled away from the airport, the man pulled out a file.  "Sir, we know that you had something to do with the storms."  He held up a hand when Xander opened his mouth.  "Not physically, but it was your family."

Xander stiffened slightly, but he looked relaxed.  This was just like a kidnaping and he had plenty of experience with those, even if it wasn't recent.  "I don't know what you're talking about," he said calmly, pulling out his most bitchy tone of voice and attitude.

"We have tapes of you talking about it, sir," the other man said quietly.  "We even understand that it was necessary.  I only need an account from you."  Xander gave him a 'bored' look.  "Sir, I could get nasty about this."

"And my husband will come looking for me," Xander reminded him.  "Even if you have my husband, there's people who will come for me if they don't hear from me."

"Sir, we have people like you working for us."  Xander laughed.  "What? You don't believe me?"  He pulled out a photograph and showed it to him.  "I believe you know her"

"Yup, sure do, but I'm not like her," he said with a smirk.  The car stopped.  "Nor have I ever been. You need to do better research."

"How about this," the man said, locking the doors.  "You're Alexander Lavelle Harris, born in 1981, which makes you about two hundred and some years old.  You worked beside a Miss Buffy Summers during high school and took two road trips to, quote, find yourself.  The second one landed you in New York at a brothel serving demons and humans, where you worked for six weeks and broke all prior salary records.  Then you went home, found your two husbands, and lived quietly while guarding your hellmouth.  How's that?"

"If you know all that then you know that I'm not going to talk to you without someone else verifying that you're okay to talk to," he pointed out.  "I haven't lived this long without being careful."

"True.  By the way, how have you lived this long if you're not an immortal?"

Xander smirked.  "Ask your buddy Amanda.  By the way, how did you get the great jewel thief to work for you?"

"We *convinced* her it was better than jail," he said with a smile.  "We could do the same to you."

"Unless you can prove to me that you're not a danger to my health, well-being, or sanity I'm not talking to you."  He pressed the lock button, unlocking his door.  "Was there anything else?  I'm due at my hotel in a few moments."

"No, sir.  Thank you.  Of course, we'll be asking your husband ourselves."

Xander snorted.  "Have fun.  He's much more cautious than I am.  So, are you associated with the Watcher's Council?"

"No, sir, we monitor paranormal activity within the United States."

"Cool, keeps me from doing it."  He climbed out, smiling at the driver waiting to help him.  "If you come back later with him, I'm sure we'll have many more discussions, including one at knifepoint," he said pointedly.  He grabbed his bag and gave the driver a tip and a smile.  "Thank you, it was quite a smooth ride," he said in a normal voice, then he walked into the hotel.  "Harris?" he asked as he walked up to the desk.

"Yes, sir," the desk clerk said, typing the name into her computer.  "Sir, we have you listed as a guest of Mr. Osbourne."

"That would be my husband," Xander said brightly.  "Is he in yet?"

"Just now, sir.  If you'll please sign here."  She handed over a card, with a second note paper- clipped to it.

He read the second note and gave her a smile. "I know."  He signed the form and handed them both back.  "Thanks for the warning, but they tried on the way over."  He winked at her.  "Where's my husband?"

"Room twelve hundred-four, sir.  Here's your key."  She handed it to him and rang a bell. "Please escort Mr. Harris up to room twelve-oh-four," she told the bellhop.

"Yes, ma'am."  He took Xander's bag and walked toward the elevator.  "Sir, did you have a good trip in from Las Vegas?"

Xander nodded.  "Yup.  Private planes are great.  I learned that lesson long ago.  No seat mates, no cranky kids, and no stewardesses who're more interested in their nails than you."  He put the key into his pocket.  "How did Oz get here?"

"He came by regular flight, through O'Hare."  He led the way off the elevator and to the room, knocking on it.  "Sir, your husband," he said, handing over the bag when Oz opened the door.

Oz let Xander in and tipped the guy, then shut and locked the door.  "Did you get grilled too?"

"Yup and we've got to tell Steve that the resort's being bugged."  He sat down on the couch in the suite.  He looked around, and smiled. "Do you feel better?"

"Much," Oz agreed, pulling him up to give him a hug.  "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Xander admitted into Oz's shoulder.  "They're going to talk to Giles."

"Hey, he can turn them into toads or something."  Oz pulled back.  "Are you feeling better?"

"Not yet, but maybe soon.  I'm working on stuff again, and most of it's frustration.  I did a whole lot of clothes for people who needed it.  And I started the forgework again.  Some random pounding but I did undent someone's sword."  He gave his husband a squeeze.  "So, wanna talk?"

"Not yet.  Cuddle, then talk."  Xander shook his head.  "Cuddle and talk at the same time?"

"I can do that," Xander agreed.  "I'm still so frustrated."

"Me too," Oz agreed.  Xander frowned at him.  "What?"

"You're agreeing with me, which you did for weeks which was part of why you were upset."

"Technically, I'm agreeing with you because I'm frustrated too, but you're right, I did.  I'm not doing it now though because I'm too tired to fight."

"You haven't slept either?" Xander asked.  Oz shook his head.  "Nightmares?"

"Horrible nightmares," Oz admitted.  "Things like you being challenged.  Like you losing."

Xander decided not to tell him about the challenge he had taken.  "You know I'm better than that," he teased.

"Yup, and I know that Ray beat you during a few practice bouts," Oz pointed out.

"That's because I got tired," Xander admitted.

"Which is why I worry and said I'd take all your challenges."  He looked his husband over.  "So, how does Mr. Sneed like Las Vegas?"

"He doesn't really like the desert, but he had to move quickly.  The usual story, someone found out and accused him of stuff."  Xander moved away and sat on the bed.  "Are you going to bitch me out because of this?"

"Nope."  Oz sat beside him.  "I knew that you weren't going to fight.  You're too aware of yourself to get into that position."  He took his husband's hand to hold.  "Are you okay otherwise?"

"I gained another two pounds."

"Congrats."  He laid them down, curling up next to his husband's body and resting his head on his chest.  He could feel how weak his husband still was, and it still bothered him.  "I wish you hadn't done the spell."

"I don't."  Xander patted him on the head.  "I refuse to lose more of my life."  Oz looked up at him.  "I'm keeping the house the same way you kept all those storerooms of your stuff."

"I understood that, but what else have you lost of your life?"

"The first house.  Everything that was in it."

"Point," Oz agreed, putting his head back down.  "At least we still have a descendant of Rocky, Jedi, Snickers and Fluffy."

"Did you know that Angel bred Stake and kept one of hers?"

"Nope.  That's cool.  He seriously got involved with that cat."

"She was good for him, gave him something to care about."  Xander smoothed through Oz's hair.  "I'm going to do some traveling after this."

"'Kay, want help?"

"I don't know yet."  Oz looked up at him.  "I need the same sort of vacation that you just took, Oz, and I'm not getting it while being babied by Ray and Meth.  Or by having you shadow me from across Vegas.  Besides, Europe's stable right now, America isn't.  I'd like some stability."

"Okay.  I arranged to head to Carmel to deal with the house there.  Angel said that something was going on with the portals because of the storms."

"Well, it was magical backlash.  It could have warped them."

"Maybe," Oz agreed.  "Two weeks?"

"A month."

"Okay.  I can go that long.  As long as I get letters."

"Sure."  Xander closed his eyes. "How long before we can go pounce on the boys?"

"Few hours.  Darren has one more final this week and Timmy finished his yesterday.  I told them we were coming in today and we'd take them to dinner."  He reached over and set the alarm clock.  "Let's nap."

"Good idea," Xander said sleepily.  He drifted off, comforted by Oz laying on his stomach.  There would be time enough to talk later.

Oz tried to stay awake, but the breathing under his head slowly caught up with him and made him drift off.

***

Xander looked around before fingering the keystone pendant he wore, opening the portal in Hyde Park, London.

A few minutes later, a middle aged woman said quite loudly,  "I know what I saw, Officer.  There was a man standing there and he *disappeared*!  In a flash of light!  You can't let things like that go on in Hyde Park."

The officer's partner made drinking motions behind the woman's back, miming that she was drunk.  The officer smiled at her.  "What did he look like?  If you'll tell me, I'll have a look through missing persons and see if he's listed."

She frowned at him.  "He was a little smaller than you, very thin, poor boy, and was wearing green.  Dark green, possibly leather.  Tight pants, loose shirt, knee high boots.  Very oddly dressed too, not at all fit for the weather with the cloak he was carrying."  She straightened up.  "I can assure you I'm not drunk, that man was real.  His waist-length dark hair moved when he did just like a real person's."

The officer finished making notes on his report form.  "I'm sure he was, ma'am.  Would you please sign here and note your personal information for us?  Just in case we need to get in contact with you again."  She smiled and did so, handing him back the report.  "Thank you, ma'am.  I'll have a look through tonight."  He tipped his hat and walked off, his partner following closely behind him.

"Nice bit'a work that.  Getting her address so we can see if she's a nuisance or missing."

The other officer looked at him.  "My dad once told me that everything strange in London came through Hyde Park.  Said he almost got eaten here one night," he told the older man with a smile.  "He told me to always trust my instincts and to stay out of the park at night when I'm alone.  You never know, it could have been someone practicing a stage act or something."  He tipped his hat at a young couple walking past them.

The other officer snorted.  "Usually they have trap doors.  I still say she's a nutter."

"Maybe," the first officer agreed.  "But it doesn't hurt to type in the profile."

"Your time."

"Yes, it is," the first officer agreed with a smile.

***

Oz came back through the warped portal, shaking the water out of his hair and ears.  "Eww," he told Angel, who was waiting on him.  He dropped the three bags he had found.  "Why did I have to go there?   It was nasty."

"Because I've seen those bags before," Angel pointed out by pointing at the bags.  "They look just like the rest of your set."

Oz looked down at the very damp bags, then shrugged.  "So someone else had neverending bags.  Yay.  They're kinda popular on some planes and realms."  He sat down next to the bags, opening the one on his left.  "Okay, maybe you were right," he admitted as he pulled out a necklace that looked like something he had seen Xander work on once, way back when they had been across the portal in Hyde Park.  "Huh."  He stuffed it back into the bag and opened the other one.  It opened to a lot of stuff, but nothing popped up.  "The reference index is broken on this one," he muttered, searching through it since nothing popped up.  "Hey, I remember this," he said happily, pulling out a wrapped shirt.  "I guess that portal and the one in Hyde Park are relative."

Angel snorted.  "What worried me was that I saw Xander in there the other day.  He was being dragged by the chains on his wrists."  Oz looked up at him, one eyebrow going up.  "I thought you'd like to know."

Oz pulled his knees up to rest his chin on them.  "Well, to be truthful, it wasn't the same but something did seem familiar."  He looked at the bags.  "We did have a few bags go missing while we were there."  He looked back at the portal, watching what was going on.  The portal switched, showing them a camp.  "See, I'm right there," he said, pointing himself out to Angel.  "That's the past."  He stood up and touched the portal's skin, heading back through to go save himself and Xander.  Someone had set them free that night, it was neat that it was him.  And hey, now he could go explore some caves in the area that he had wanted to the last time they'd been there.

Angel relaxed and watched the Oz from the present sneak around the war camp.  He was good.

***

The police officer took a picture of the man walking up to where his father had said a portal was, smiling when the digital image came out fine.  "Gotcha," he murmured, plugging his camera into his laptop to do a search.  What he found amazed him, but then again....  He straightened up when the portal opened for a third time and the redhead from earlier dragged out the dark haired man from the first time.  The dark haired man got free and ran back through the portal, while the redheaded man tapped his foot in annoyance, but eventually he returned with a few bags.

"Ready?" Oz asked, wrapping his arm around Xander's waist.

"Sure.  I had fun.  Oh, and I got a lot of the metals again."  He beamed and preened next to his mate.

The laptop beeped, making him look down.  Someone wanted to talk to him about why he was searching those two men.  He wrote a short reply and sent it, nearly laughing when he saw the return message.  A meeting?  How quaint.  He packed up his gear and went to meet these strange men.  Maybe they'd shed light on why those two men were over two hundred years old but looked like they were around twenty.

***

Oz snuggled against Xander while they waited for their credit card to be accepted.  The check-in desk of the Lauriette was slow, and they were giving them funny looks.  "It's a convention," he explained at the latest funny look.

Xander smiled at her.  "Yup, just in town for a few days for a convention."  He squeezed Oz.  They were both a little damp because it had been raining across the portal, but it was a beautifully clear night in London.

"Sir, we'll put you in our privacy ward," the woman said finally, shoving over an electronic signing pad.  "Please sign your name in the little window."  Oz reached for it but she gave him a look.  "I believe it was his card, sir."

Xander signed his name and took their plastic keys.  They headed for the elevator.  "Maybe we should have went to the Hyatt," he said as the doors opened.  The elevator wasn't empty.  "Oh, hi."  He got on with Oz, pushing the button for their floor.  Once the doors were closed, they looked at the security personnel.  "Are we that strange?"

"Yes, sir, and the desk was worried about our reputation."

Oz opened his wallet, showing off the exclusive credit card that only five percent of the world's richest qualified for.  "Does this explain some things?" Oz asked.

The guard smiled.  "Yes, sir, you're eccentric."   He stopped the elevator.  "If we may check your bags please?"

Xander handed over his.  "Go ahead, but it's packed full."

"Xander," Oz sighed.

"Sir, your credit card said Simon."

Xander snickered, turning to look at Oz.  Oz looked at the guards.  "Guys, we're using false identities so we don't get kidnaped, again."   The men nodded.  "It's a perfectly legal identity if you want to check it out."

"Yes, sir, we've already done that."  He showed the bag to his buddy.  Then they looked at Xander.  "What is that?"

Xander looked down inside.  "Metal.  I'm a forger."  Oz nudged him.  "As in I work on a forge and make jewelry and ornamental daggers and stuff, not the money stuff.  I can't draw that well."  He shrugged.  "It's for my new forge, wherever we're setting it up."

"We can put one up in Canada," Oz told him, patting him on the arm.  "Besides, I heard that your one in Sunnydale was still standing.  Maybe we can move it."

"Maybe," Xander agreed.  He looked at the guards again.  "We lived just outside of LA before the storms.  When it took out our house, it took out my supply of metals.  So I had to get some more."  He took his bag back, looking down inside it until he pulled out a slim rod.  "This is my maker's mark, what I put on all my designs.  It's registered with the national guild here in the UK and in the US.  You can check if you want."

"We're sorry, sir, but we had to check.  Security concerns us all these days."

Oz nodded, he understood.  He shoved Xander hard.  "How did you get those people begging at your feet?"

Xander smiled.  "The usual way."  He latched the bags again.  "Can we go to our rooms now?  We're only staying the night."

"Of course, sir."  The guard on the right restarted the elevator.  "Please enjoy your stay."  They let them get out and the elevator closed.

"Wow, weird."

"I guess the elevator was considered the safest place to do that," Xander said with a shrug as he opened the door. Once they were inside, he leaned against it.  "Can I please forget the cult?"

"Sure.  Both of them if possible."  Oz lay down on the bed, patting his stomach.  "Want to cuddle?"

"Sure."  Xander dropped the bags and lay down on his husband's stomach, curling up into his comforting body.  "It was kind of neat that Ares came over instead of Cupid to save us."

"I guess Cupid wasn't strong enough to break the drugs," Oz said quietly, stroking through the dark hair.

Flashback:

Xander walked into the temple, staring at some of the paintings around the edges.  Cupid was on them, so he wanted to know if his buddy came here at all.  It'd been *years* since he'd talked to any of them.  He was met by a slim, dark, young priestess.  "Hi."  He pointed up at Cupid.  "Is he worshiped here?  I'd like to make a prayer if he is."

She smiled and motioned him over to the altar.  "We worship him here.  Do you worship him at home?"

Xander nodded.  "Quite often," he told her.  "Cupid and I are very close."  She frowned.  "The winged one?  His name is Cupid where I'm from."

"Oh."  She smiled.  "I'll go tell the Goddess that you're here."  She hurried toward a doorway, going deeper into the temple.

Xander knelt in front of the altar.  "Hey, Cupid," he whispered.  "Long time no hear, wanted to tell you I'm fine and didn't forget you or Strife.  Lotsa love and all that.  Xander."   He stood up and bowed to the figurine on the altar, then turned to leave.

An older woman, one of just under thirty with the same dark hair as the priestess, walked out of the corridor.  "Stop," she said quietly.  Xander turned to look at her.  "You worship our God?"

He nodded, putting his bags behind his feet so he wouldn't step on them.  "Yeah, Cupid and I are real close.  Why?"

She smiled and moved closer, looking his body over.  "I can feel his touch on you."  She palmed some powder from the bag at her side, using her other hand to touch his shoulder.  "Yes, you will do."  She blew the powder into his face, stunning him.  "You will serve both Gods now," she said with a smirk.  "You shall keep us healthy and young."

***

Cupid sat up, looking around.  "Strife?" he called.  Strife appeared, along with his mother.  "We've got a problem, a big one."  He stood up.  "Xander just prayed from that one temple."  Aphrodite rolled her eyes.  "The one where that chick is draining people and not allowing them to pray to us?"

"Oh," Strife said, grinning at him.  "I thought it might be serious."

"It is," Cupid said warmly.  "If he's there, then he can't be our anchor.  He's shielded from us and we can't drain through him."  Strife and Aphrodite both stared at him.  "Didn't you listen when we created the anchor?"

Strife shrugged.  "I was kinda dead, dude."

Aphrodite smiled.  "Of course I did, but it won't harm him.  He'll be back soon."

"If they let him go and let him live," Cupid pointed out.  Strife opened his mouth.  "The chick there, she *drains* the life outta the supposed priests to stay young and pretty.  She just found an immortal source.  Hello?  Does no one see the problem here?"

"Chill," his mother told him.  "They'll let him leave."

"They drug them!" Cupid yelled.  "I doubt it's going to happen."

"Point," Strife agreed.  "And they *could* kill him if he tried, but this is Xander.  He can fight."

"He's thirty pounds underweight from the spell to save the house, he's too tired to spar, and he's alone."  Strife grimaced.  "So, yeah, I don't think he's going to be getting out of that one by himself."

"I'll go find Oz," Aphrodite sighed, mentally searching for him.  "See, not an issue," she said suddenly with a smile.  "He's there too."

Cupid groaned.  "Which means they'll drug him too, mother!"

She waved a hand.  "Whatever.  Worry all you want.  I'm going to go tan."  She disappeared.

Strife shrugged.  "Go tell Unc.  He knows where the temple is and has dealt with them before."  He disappeared too, with a called, "Later."

Cupid popped over to his father's temple, having to clear his throat to get his father's attention - Jace's mouth was drawing it.  "Pop, Xander and Oz are at *that* temple across the realmal border."

Ares groaned.  "It figures that those two would find it."  He shifted Jace off to the side.  "How do you know?"

"He prayed to me from there and when I told Mom and Strife, she found Oz and Strife said you know where it is."

"Ah."  He stood up, letting Jace slide down his thigh.  "Do I need to go save them?"

"With that temple?   Yeah," Cupid told him.  "Or if you tell me where it is, I'll go."

Ares nodded.  "Okay."  He held out a hand and a scroll appeared.  "It's here, but you can't teleport there.  You're going to have to walk.  On the scroll are instructions for tuning the portal so it's closer."  Cupid took the scroll.  "I want that back."

"Thank you," Cupid said, going to get ready.  He hated walking, but it would be okay.  He could do this.  He gathered his things and went to use the portal, disappearing as soon as the portal was tuned.  He landed about a mile away and hurried, having a very bad feeling about this.  He walked into the temple and all the priests scattered, not getting in his way as he searched for Xander and Oz.  He found them tied to marble slabs, a group of men standing in front of them, lined up by penis size.  From the normal sized man to a guy who didn't look anywhere near human, all lined up, looking vague, and already hard.  "Not a chance!" he yelled, shooting a bolt of power at them and knocking them down.  He saw a young-looking woman walk out from behind the slabs and glared at her.  "Not a chance," he repeated.  "These two are mine and I'm taking them!"

She chuckled softly.  "I'm sure they are, Lord Cupid.  They seem very well trained.  I noticed that you had marked this one personally."  She ran a finger over Xander's forehead, enjoying his shudders.  "What would you have me do, my Lord? Let them go?"   She chuckled again.  "I doubt they're going to be of much use to you when I'm through with them."

"You're through with them now," he told her.  He watched as she picked up what looked like an old snuff box.  "Whatever you're planning, stop it now," he warned her.  "I will destroy you for touching them."

She nodded. "I always said, love is the most destructive force in the universe."  She blew some of the powder in her box on him, making him sneeze and back away as he tried to clear his system.  "Chain him," she ordered.  "It will be good to taste a God again."  She looked down at her latest helpers, the ones she would be sucking energy from for years to come.  They were so full of energy that it would help her last forever.

"I don't think so, bitch," Ares said as he walked in.  He shot the box from her hand and then pulled his sword.  "You wanna play with a God, come try me. Leave the puny humans alone."  She lunged for him, but his sword was longer than her claws.  She landed on the floor cut in half.  He sneered.  "Didn't enjoy it?" he asked when she started to wail.  Figures came through the walls, floating toward him and the drugged bodies.  "The things I do for the anchors," he muttered.

Discord popped in.  "Oh, fucking yeah," she said, banishing the spirits.  "Fuck this shit. Pick up Cupid, I'll get the bobsy twins, and we'll go back to the portal."  Ares gave her a dirty look.  "You left Jace with Strife," she taunted.

Ares cut both boys free and picked them up.  "Let's go," he said darkly.  He spanked Oz when he felt him shift.  "Behave."

"Put us down, we'll heal," Oz reminded him.

"Yes, you will, far away from here," Discord told him.

Oz slid off Ares and walked away, going to get their stuff.   He wasn't about to argue. He wouldn't even tell Xander about Cupid getting caught, he'd feel guilty.

End Flashback.

***

Xander and Oz walked into the resort curled up together.  Xander waved at the guy behind the desk.  "We'll be in our room."

"Sir, Steve's given it away," he called after them.

Steve hurried out.  "Xander, Oz," he said quickly, stopping them from moving on.  "Um, we had to rent out the family's suite for the next week."  Oz raised an eyebrow.  "The President is in for the week and his entourage is taking it."  Xander grimaced.  "And," he said, pulling a letter out of his back pocket.  "This came for you guys."

Xander opened the letter and snorted, handing it over.  "Whatever.  Room?"

"We're full."

"Shit," Oz sighed.

"Hey, yell at the President.  He didn't exactly tell us he was coming.  He tried to commandeer the resort."

Xander frowned.  "Oh, really?"  Steve nodded.  "And where is his person to be bitched at?"  Steve pointed at the restaurant.  "I'll be back."

"Xander, subtle," Oz called after him.  "Be nice!"  He read the letter and sighed.  "I don't want to go back to Cheyenne Mountain."

"Tough," Steve told him.  "Richie's there, he probably needs the help."  Oz shrugged and tucked it into his pocket. "If we can't get this settled, can you find us a room?"  He watched security agents go running for the dining room.  "If Xander's not in jail?"

"Sure.  If worst comes to worst, you can always head for Canada tonight."

Oz grunted.  "We're not ready to go there yet."   He turned to see if he could see what was going on.

Xander walked into the dining area and headed for the person with the suit.  He noticed the guards and frowned at them.  "Get out of my resort.  Now."  He stopped in front of the Secretary of State.  "I do believe that you're unlawfully taking up space in my resort," he said quietly.  "Not only is this not an emergency that would allow you to commandeer anything, this is a private business and you will pay for your rooms, especially since you're taking mine."

The Secretary of State raised a hand and guards grabbed Xander.  He got free of one and kicked both their asses, barely panting by the time they were on the floor.  "That was stupid," Xander told him, leaning down.  "Get out of my resort. Your president isn't welcome here, and neither are you."  He stood back up and walked out, stopping when he saw the other guard waiting on him.  "Bring it on," he told him.  "You too can be on the ground with broken bones."  The guard got out of his way.  "Thank you.  Get out, I'll give you a day to find other accommodations."   He strolled out, smiling at the other guards.  "Get out or I'm going to get you too."   He walked out to the desk and picked up the phone.  "President?"

"Room 2567," the desk clerk said, eyes wide.  "But his personal guard is behind you, sir."

Xander turned and smiled calmly at him.  "Get out of my resort!  There is nothing in any law book that states you can commandeer a resort, a *private* business, anytime you damn well feel like it."

"Subtle, Xander," Oz called again.

Xander took a deep, calming breath.  "Get out of my resort and go find one that would like all you stiff and uptight people.  'Cause I didn't vote for him, I don't think he won the election, and I sure as hell don't want his self-righteous, semi-religious, asskissing ass in my hotel."  He crossed his arms.  "Not only do we not stand up for your boss' ideals, we don't stand up for a single thing he's done yet.  It's amazing how he's taking credit for what the private sector did in the clean up efforts.  Now, get out, or I'm going to hurt someone and it's looking like you."  Someone tried to grab him but he did a beautiful hip throw.  "Out, now!"

The President walked down the grand staircase.  "I'm sorry if we're bothering you," he said with a fake smile.

"Hypocrite," Xander said.  "Get out.  I don't like you, I don't like what you stand for, and I personally hate your politics.  There are other places you can pretend to do shit at, go find them."  He walked away, going over to take Oz's hand.  "Want to go to Cheyenne Mountain now?  I'm tired of this shit."

Oz shrugged.  "If we have to. I hate working with them though.  Their new general is an asshole to gays."

"Yay. He'll have to deal with it if he wants our help."  He shrugged.

The President cleared his throat.  "How do you know about that project?"

Xander waved.  "Xander Harris, Daniel Osbourne.  We're part of the reason that the embassy exists."  He walked away, bringing Oz with him. "Steve, they leave or I'm coming back and making them leave."  They walked out to their car and got in.

Steve cleared his throat.  "I'm sorry, sir, but I do have to follow the majority of the board's wishes.  We can help you find rooms somewhere else if you'd like."

"Son, I don't have to leave."

"Sir, you do.  Xander was right, there is nothing that allows you to commandeer a resort in times of non-emergency.  Especially not for a personal vacation.  Now, we've already got lawyers complaining in front of the press and you're about to have a publicity problem."

"We control the press," he said with a smile.

"I'm sure you think you do, but not really."  Steve walked away.  "We'll send your bill to you, sir.  Thank you for staying with us."  He closed and locked his office door.  Damn, Xander had balls. That man had made a lot of people disappear, including some immortals.  He sat down and typed in a message to his favorite reporter.

Xander and Oz made it all the way to the airport before anyone stopped them, and then the people who stopped them decided to leave them alone.  One of the agents even walked away crying.  Xander was in a bad mood, and it was showing.

***

Xander walked up to the sign-in desk, already within Cheyenne Mountain.  "I'm here because I got summoned," he sighed.  He put down his old pass.  "Is this still good?"

The man looked at the letter, then at the pass.  "Sir, this was authorized by General Hammond."

Xander nodded.  "Yup.  He was a very nice guy."  He crossed his arms.  Now he was tired and cranky.  Oz had decided to stay back at the motel.  "Wanna call someone?"

The soldier picked up the phone.  "Sir, there's a," the solider picked back up the letter, "Xander Harris here.  No, sir, just him.  Yes, sir."  He hung up.  "Please sign the book and where is your mate?"

"On vacation."  Xander signed the book and picked up his things, heading down in the elevator.  He was met the other end by people with guns.  "Yay.  Let's go. I'm already tired of this."  He was led to the meeting room, where he got to glare at the General.  "This was important enough to piss me off?"  He took a seat and put his feet up in the one next to him.  His feet hurt.

"Mr. Harris," the General said, flipping open a folder.  "Immortal.  Around two hundred."  Xander waved a hand.  "Newly conscripted to our service."

"You can't do that."

"I can and I have," the General said with a smile.

"Ares!"  Ares appeared, frowning at him. "They're trying to conscript me.  Are you still favoring them?"

Ares looked around the room, then shook his head.  "Not particularly.  This group is a great idea, but they've got idiots in charge."  He smiled at the General, who was sitting very still with his mouth open.  "Did you want help destroying them?"

"No," Xander sighed as he stood up.  "I get off a flight from London, go to the resort, and find the phoney President trying to take it over.  Get into a fight there, then get the letter telling me to come here."  He took a deep breath.  "Can I just kill them all? I'm too tired to deal with this shit anymore."

Ares smiled.  Some days, Xander was so very his.  "Sure, have fun.  Magic, sword, or do you need a gun?"

"Nah, I'm thinking bare hands."  Xander glared at the General.  "Maybe you should learn from your predecessors.  They asked nicely.  Almost any of us would have helped Hammond, or even O'Neill once he figured out that we were okay.  You, we're going to get rid of."

The General stood up.  "Young man, you can't harm me.  There's a base full of people who will stop you."

Xander snorted. "Only if they can get me."  A gun fired behind him and he gave the soldier a bored look.  "Feel better now?"  He looked at the General again.  "I'm not working for you.  No immies are going to work for you.  As a matter of fact, every immie on the base can feel me and are worried that I'm going to kill them, and I bet that quite a few of them would welcome it right about now."  He stepped closer.  "You try and put me into some sort of training program and I'll kill the people around me.  You try and send me through the stargate and I'll enslave that other race and have them come attack you."  He looked at his nails, buffing them on his shirt, then looked back up.  "If you try to harm any of us, we'll kill you all.  I'm tired of this and of you.  You're a little nothing of a man who can't even tell the difference between his sex drive and his innate competitive urge.  Get over yourself."  He looked at Ares.  "Can you steal the other guys?"

"I might," he said, smiling at the anchor.  "What's in it for me?"

"A lusty prayer tonight that'll make you jump Jace so hard she'll be sore?"

"I get that already."

Xander thought.  "I could dance for you again."

"No," Ares growled.  "I refuse to be teased."

Xander grinned.  "I'll spend the whole rest of this year in seclusion so you don't have to hear from me or go save me."

"Done," Ares said quickly.  He snapped his fingers.

Xander blinked and found himself in a park surrounded by immortals.  "Hey, guys, you're free.  Run away now."  He took Richie's arm, walking him toward the edge of the park.  They had picnicked here back when they had worked with Danny and Jack.  "So, how have you been?" he asked.

Richie smiled at him.  "It wasn't that bad."

"They're conscripting us."

"Oh, shit," Richie muttered.  "They tried to get you?"

"And possibly Oz.  It looks like I'm going to have to make a call tonight.  It seems that the government knows what you guys are."

"Hey!" one of the immies shouted.  Xander turned to look at him.  "What about our stuff?"

Xander shrugged.  "I had to ask for a major favor to get you guys out.  Your stuff....."  Appeared on the ground in a big heap.  "May be somewhere in there.  Oh, and the resort needs to be cleaned of government types so use the one in Europe."  He waited while Richie went to pick through for his stuff, coming up with a bag, a small box, and his sword.  Richie hurried back to his side.  "Let's go make sure that Oz is okay.  You can borrow enough money to get a room and call Steve."  He hailed a cab, getting them both inside it.

One of the freed immortals looked at the others.  "Do you guys know who that was?"  Everyone shook their heads.  "Does anyone know the local Watcher?"

"Yeah, I do," one guy said.  "I'm going to call him next.  He used to be mine."  He grabbed his stuff and walked away.

One last immortal, a female, landed in a heap on the ground.  She looked up, her face a bloody mass, her hair caked with blood.  She could barely move, but that was okay at the moment.  None of them wanted to fight, it was too good to be free.  As she started to heal, she grabbed her sword and her wallet.  She would be fine, it would take a while, but she would be okay.  She'd pop in on her savior later to thank him.

***

Xander walked into the room, smiling at Oz.  "Visitor," he told him, letting Richie have the second bed.  He picked up the phone and dialed a number he had memorized.  "Hey, it's me."  He sat on the foot of Richie's bed.  "No, big probs.  Did you know that the Feds know about us?  I'm not sure if they know about you guys or not, but they definitely know about immies.  Really?"  He smiled.  "That'd be cool.  Yeah, if it's not too much trouble."  He laughed.  "Sure, I'll come and we'll go for a long walk and talk next week."  He hung up.  "Fixed."  He switched beds, curling up against Oz's chest.

"Willow?"

"Seth."

"Ah. Why?"

"Hackers.  Seth and Spike have a group of hackers underneath them as minions.  Seth sounded really upset."  He stroked across the smooth flesh.  "I told Ares we'd hide and behave for the rest of the year."

"That sounds wonderful," Oz agreed.  "Our bags are in the car.  I fed the animals."

"The animals are in the bags?" Richie asked.

Oz turned his head to look at him.  "The neverending bags.  They seem to like traveling that way."  He smiled.  "Want to come to Canada with us?"

"Sure.  I could use some quiet."  He stood up and stretched.  "It's good not to be tied to a chair getting brainwashed."

"How did they find out?" Xander asked.

"They finally unsealed something else from when you were helping Danny.  Oh, he's not on this planet anymore.  He sent us a note saying he was going to be safe."

Xander frowned.  "I'll go find him in a few years."

Oz coughed.  "Where was it noted about immortals?"

"Danny's medical records noted that he healed quickly from a supposedly fatal wound.   Someone thought about it and did some research.  One of the Watchers put something on the web.  There's almost no immies in this country right now."

"We could go back to London," Xander suggested.

"Canada," Oz told him.  "Close by, quiet, peaceful.  London for New Years for a party or two."

"Okay."  Xander snuggled in.  "You can stay for the night if you want."

"We're catching a flight out tonight," Oz told him.  Xander looked up at him.  "This makes me nervous."

"Deal," Xander agreed, grabbing the phone. "Call the airport?"  Oz nodded, pulling over the phone book to make the call.  Xander smiled at Richie.  "We're paid until the end of the week.  Have fun."

Oz hung up.  "The airport is closed for the week.  The military is pissed."

"Private plane?"

"We can do that," Oz said, flipping through the phone book.  A business card was handed to him. "Thanks."  He looked up at Strife.  "Will they let us leave?"

"Sure.  They can't actually stop you.  The airlines are gonna throw a fit tomorrow."  He grinned at Xander.  "You're gonna be good?"

"I told him I'd lay low and not cause him to come save me," Xander told him. "I never said I was going to be good."  He patted his pocket, jingling his keys, which had a small vibrator attached to them.  "I'm going to be naughty in a non-physical way."

"Cool.  As long as you're naughty."  Strife reached down and petted Richie on the stomach.  "Don't worry, dude, they won't be getting you back.  Unc's really not happy with them right now.  I think they're going to have a switch in the chain of command."  He winked at Xander and left.

"I still say he is the coolest," Xander told Oz.

Oz nodded.  "I can agree with that.  You two are a lot alike."  He called the number on the card.  "Hey, I need to order a flight out of Boulder, Colorado.  Yeah, that airport.  Because I don't want to get caught in whatever they're planning on doing to the town. The United States scares me and my husband and I want to go to our other home in Canada."  He smiled at Xander.  "Sure.  One hour."  He hung up.  "One hour."

"Okay.  Richie, have fun."  Xander tossed over the key cards.  "Don't run up the minibar bill.  Call on us if you need us. Oh, and if you hear from the old guy, tell them where we're going."  He walked out, holding Oz's hand.

Richie shook his head.  "They're too much some days," he muttered. He flipped on the tv, searching for something to take his mind off the urge to go blow up a mountain.

***

Three Hundred Years After The Aliens Landed, Minus Two Months.

***

Xander looked over the newspaper clipping, frowning when he saw the content.  There was a celebration being thrown by the embassy for the aliens to celebrate three hundred years of cooperation.  The newspapers were running stories on how they got down here, including the newly uncovered Stargate project's part in the process.  He handed the paper to Ray, who was curled up beside him on the bed.  They had been caught in Montreal last week and had run to London.  Their spouses were headed their way, but weren't expected for at least another month because they were off training together.  "Danny's at the mall."

"Mall?" Ray asked, reading the article.  "Oh, offworld mall."  He handed the paper back.  "I kinda miss Danny."

"Wanna go see him?"

"Xan, they're going to know who you are."

"They're too busy with the celebration," Xander told him.

"All right, but you call and explain it to the old guys."  He heaved himself up.  "What am I packing?"

"I'll call Richie to come take care of the animals.  Pack clothes to go shopping in.  That mall is huge."

"So we're heading to the bank too?" Ray asked, heading for the closet.

"Yeah, I'd like to go shopping," Xander agreed.  He walked toward his workroom.  He had a lot of loose jewels right now, he hadn't designed anything in a while.   He gathered up the ones he wasn't particularly fond of, including some of the pieces of jewelry that he hated, and stuffed them into a bag.  He knew there was a money-changer up at the mall, there were always money- changers at any shopping area.  He walked back into the bedroom, finding his favorite clothes already laid out.  "That's all we're taking?" he asked, changing clothes.  He tossed the bag into the neverending bag.

"I didn't think we'd be there for more than a week," Ray told him.  Xander shrugged.  "We can always buy more clothes."

"Point," Xander agreed, grabbing one more outfit.  "Just in case," he told him as he stuffed the dance outfit into the bag.  Ray gave him a look.  "Hey, I'll still need to work out."

"Point," Ray agreed reluctantly.  "But you're not performing unless we're robbed and owe a lot of money."

"Okay."  Xander nodded, running a hand down his leather pants.  "Ready?"

"Call Richie."

"Richie!"  Richie came jogging up the stairs.  "We're going to go hunt for Danny.  Can you watch the animals until the old guys get here?"

Richie looked at Xander's outfit.  "Going to a demon bar?"

"Offworld mall," Ray told him.  "Danny was spotted and photographed."

"Okay.  Bring me back something nice and non-sexual please."  He watched as they left. If he hadn't been specific, there was no telling what they'd bring him back.  A dog barked and he smiled down at him.  "Hey, big guy, want petted?"  He scratched behind the ears, getting growls of delight from the dog. "You make funny noises."

***

Xander showed his papers to the person guarding the portal off world.  "We're going to the mall to shop," he told her.  She signed their passport and let them through.  Xander walked through first, stopping to look around.  The mall was actually a medium-sized moon hollowed out with shops arranged by type of ware for ease of finding.  It was incredible.  His breath was taken away as a flying golfcart flew overhead.  "Wow."

Ray nudged him, having to take Xander's hand to lead him over to the money-changers' booth.  "Are there any from the Rigers clan?" he asked.  They had been the ones they had dealt with off- world.  A big woman, about the same size as Conan, stepped forward.  "We were told to come to your clan for the best deals," he explained.

She smiled at him, making both men flinch.  "Good.  I could use business.  Are you Earthlings?"

Xander nodded, opening his bag to pull out his jewels.  "We are, though we've known many of you."  He smiled at her as he held out the bag. "Ray has Earth money and I have these."

She sat down, looking over the offerings. Finally, she switched to the money, counting it slowly.  She looked up.  "I can give you sixty million platinum, forty thousand gold, and a bronze."

Xander quickly calculated that in his mind.  "That's a bit low," he told her, starting the haggling process.  "The jewelry was all handmade by me.  Not my favorite work, but very pleasing to your people."

She nodded.  "I can go up maybe another twenty thousand gold."

Ray nodded.  "Deal."  Xander looked at him.  "I don't want to haggle, I hate haggling."

"Okay."  Xander nodded.  He looked at her.  "That would be acceptable to us.  My mate wants to shop."

She laughed.  "It is always good to humor one's mate."  She looked Ray over, smiling at him.  "You are rather cute.  Small, like I like my men.  I could offer 30 platinum for you."

Xander shook his head.  "Our other mates would not appreciate it."  He grinned at Ray.  "Besides, who would rub my back after I dance."

She laughed and keyed in a slip, handing it to them.  "Present this at any store.  You may come back to cash in whatever is left."  Xander nodded, tucking it into his tight pockets. "Do I know you?"

He shook his head. "Probably not."  He tugged Ray over to the transportation hub, getting them a map and a flying golfcart device.  "Where should we look for Danny?"

"Let's try the dining areas, he's gotta eat and I'm hungry," Ray pointed out.  He climbed in to drive, following the directions pasted in the middle of the steering wheel.  "That's by the green section, toward the top and to the back, right?"  Xander checked the map and nodded.  "Cool.  Are there hotels near there?"

"Um, yup.  But the map has a depressurization marking near there.  Let's be careful and go slowly, okay?"

"Good idea."  Ray took off at a put-put speed, flying slowly toward the top of the mall and toward the back.  "Depressurization?"

"According to the map, there was a store that was digging out some more storage space and broke through the surface.  There's a shield around it, but the air currents are all messed up.  Oh, jewelry section," he said happily.  "It's right near the dining area too."

"We'll go later.  I need a nap."

"Okay."  Xander could sneak out and go shopping later, Ray wouldn't be pissed.  No one had snatched him in years.  Ray gave him a look.  Maybe he'd be able to sneak out.

***

Xander sat at the table, nibbling on some goat and cheese snacks, listening to the music.  The guitar player looked really familiar and he was an immie.  A memory started and he smiled, waving at him.  As soon as the song ended, the African American walked over.  "Hey, Kevin.  How's it hanging?"  He pushed out a chair, letting him sit down.  "I never figured you'd come up here."

"I had to run a few years back. I make pretty good money up here."  He put his guitar down beside him.  "What're you doing up here, Xander?  You know they're still looking for you."

"I'm searching for Danny Jackson."  Kevin frowned. "Blond, allergies, anthropologist grieving for the love of his life."

"Yeah, I know Danny. He's around here somewhere. I run into him every few days."  He ran a hand through his long dredlocks.  "Why are you looking for him?"

"Because it's been close to three hundred years since I've seen him and I got worried.  That and they got a picture of him." He grimaced and pushed aside some bitter leaves. "Eww, forgot I didn't like those."

Kevin laughed.  "It has been a long time for you."

"Yeah, hiding can be like that."  He glanced back at the band, who were glaring at him.  "I think they're going to come over and stab you or something."

Kevin frowned at his band.  "They can wait.  We're on break."  He stole a bit of food.  "You didn't mind, right?"

"I can't eat all of it, it's all good to me."  Xander picked up a sweet thing that looked like a nut wrapped in sugar floss.  "Is this good?"

"It's got bouglanth on it," Kevin told him. He smiled when Xander dropped it.  "Found out what that was?"

Xander nodded. "The hard way."  He glanced around, feeling another immie.  "What's the policy on fighting?"

"If you can defend yourself and give a reasonable explanation.  They don't like us doing it here and they don't like quickenings."  Kevin stood up and grabbed his guitar.  "I'll see you later and tell Danny you're looking for him if I see him."  He walked back to his seat, earning mild applause.

Xander touched the hilt of his sword, ready for anything.  A large male walked out of an alleyway and glared at him.  Xander picked up a piece of meat to nibble on, showing that he wasn't intending to beat his ass.  The immortal motioned to the alleyway behind him.  Xander smiled, but didn't move.  Yeah, he would fight, but he wouldn't push it.  The immortal glared and motioned again.  Xander got up and strolled that way, pulling his katana once he was out of sight.  "You wanted to see me?" he asked, standing at rest.  The immortal snarled at him.  "Where I come from, we at least happen to introduce ourselves."

"Morgan."

"Xander Harris," he said, moving in the cramped space.  There was almost no room to do anything, but the other guy had a huge sword so he had the advantage.  It didn't take long for the great lumbering idiot to catch the clue that he was in trouble, but Xander decided to be gentlemanly.  "I can let you go," he offered.  "I'm not up here for you, I'm looking for a friend."

Morgan snorted and stabbed at Xander.  It was his last move.  Xander leaned against the stone wall, sucking in the quickening without screaming.  He wouldn't interfere with the performance going on.  When it was done, he was on his knees, panting hard.

"Are you okay?" a quiet voice asked.

Xander looked up and grinned.  "I've been looking for you," he said, grabbing Daniel to hug.  "Come sit and eat."  He dragged the man to his table, glaring at the person trying to clean the table.  "I came back," he told him.  He pointed at Daniel. "Get him something too."

Daniel said something in the local dialect and the waiter rushed off.  "Why are you here, Xander?"

"Because you got photographed and I haven't seen you in nearly three hundred years?"  He watched as a Space Marine walked toward them and smiled at her.  "I did it," he told her.  "He challenged my honor.  I gave him a chance to back off."

"He did, I was watching," Daniel told her.

She looked at Xander.  "Your hand please?"  He held it out, letting her scan it.  She looked down at him. "It's you."

He shrugged.  "I'm only here to check on him.  I want nothing to do with anything else."  She smiled.  "Damn."

"Xander, explain?" Daniel suggested coolly.

"I never claimed that stupid planet."

"Oh."  Danny smiled at the Space Marine.  "He's staying at O'Doule's.  Can you bring this to him there?"  She nodded.  "Then we will retire there so no one's entertainment is bothered."  He called out to a waiter.  "Pay for dinner, Xander."

Xander put some of the loose money he had down onto the table and stood up. "Am I in trouble?"

"We saw his aggression on the cameras.  We did have to check though."  She escorted them to their inn, waiting while someone got someone more official to come deal with this.

Xander sat on the bed, pulling Danny down with him.  "So, how have you been?" he asked.  "Besides lonely and grieving, I mean."

Danny gave him a sad smile.  "I came here to wrap myself up in a different culture, somewhere that didn't remind me of Blair.  I found that I loved it here."

"That's cool.  I'm not going to force you to leave.  There're a couple of very long-lived species among our hosts."  He crossed his feet under him.  "What else have you been doing?"

"I've been avoiding Morgan for the last year.   Somehow he managed to get into a prison camp one species runs and spent the last three years there."  Xander shrugged.  "You could be in trouble."

"I could be many things, including sent away," Xander said with a shrug.  "They saw him challenge me."  He nibbled on some of the food. "Ray's in the next room."

"Where are Oz and Methos?"

"London.  We had to give up the house in Canada because of a logging company burning it down.  The land is still ours but we have bad memories about it so we moved to London most of the time.  The last time I was in Montreal I got caught so we had to run back home."

"How's the project?" Danny asked, looking down at the bedspread.

"Busted wide open," Xander said with a grin.  Danny looked up at him.  "They tried to conscript immies and got caught.  They actually had Richie and Amanda, and about twenty others.  They were brainwashing them and beating them.  When they got free, the Stargate's General tried to close down the town, including the airport.  The airlines got pissed and demanded a reason.  Word got leaked and made it into the press.  The President got put in jail for his part in it, and the General got life in prison.  It was an interesting year and the reason we moved to Canada full time."

"Are immies known about?"

"No, everyone assumed that the reason that those people were taken is because they had some sort of mental gifts, like telepathy.  The President started shouting about immortals, and was laughed out of office.  He open fired on a group of reporters, hence going to jail, with later charges added.  We're considered some mental person's fantasy."

Danny smiled. "That's good.  So the Stargate is known about?"  Xander nodded.  "Is it still operating?"

"In the open and in a non-military capacity.  NASA took it over for a bit, but it was too expensive so an independent group of scientists is running it right now.  The portal that Sam's trapped in is stored at the embassy in New York, they're guarding it carefully.  I saw the edge of it."  Danny sighed.  "Sorry.  Did you know that Jack's son took over the project for a while?"  Danny shook his head, looking up at him again.  "Yeah, after Hammond and his dad, Jack Junior took over.  They came to us to find you while you were in Istanbul."

"So that's how they found me," Danny muttered.  He took a deep breath.

"Are you ready to move on?" Xander asked quietly, touching him on the hand. "You can come stay with us until you're ready."

Danny shrugged.  "I don't know.  I feel comfortable here, but I also feel constrained."

"That's part of not bein' yourself," Ray said as he walked in.  He looked at the door, then at Xander.  "Got caught?"

"I got challenged."

"Oh."  Ray shrugged and came over to steal some of the food.  "I'm sure you'll be able to talk your way out of it."  He gave Danny a hug.  "Hey, you ready to rejoin life again?  We kinda missed you."

Danny smiled at him.  "I don't know.  Maybe."  Someone knocked on the door.  "Come," Danny called.  A blonde woman wearing a green robe walked in and closed the door behind her.  "Did you need us?" he asked in the local dialect.

She smiled.  "Yes," she said in flawless English.  "We needed to speak with Mr. Harris."  She bowed to him.  "We have been searching for you for many years.  Even though your periodic letters have said you did not want it, we have to give you your place of storage because it is a debt to us."

Xander shrugged.  "I still don't want it.  Can't I get you guys to buy it back?"

She shook her head.  "It is not possible."  She moved forward, handing over some papers she carried.  "If you would look those over, we will take you to your home now."

Xander opened his mouth but it was Ray who answered "Whoa, there's no way we're ready to go anywhere.  We still have a life back on Earth."

She smiled at him.  "We are sending a representative there now to gather up your life and your mates.  I am sure we can arrange this quickly."  She bowed to Daniel. "Are you part of their group?"

"He's my student," Xander told her, reading over the papers.  "Why do I have to live there for a year before I can leave?"

"Otherwise it looks bad, like you're fighting against an honor debt," Daniel told him.  Xander grimaced.  "It's only a year.  We can order food."

"The ion cloud has been removed," she told them.  "The planet is now cleared for travel to and from, also for shipping.  You will be able to order whatever you need."  She bowed again.  "If you will please come with me?"

"Let me go pack," Ray sighed.  She put a hand on his shoulder.  "I can't pack?"

"We have people coming to do so for you."  She pulled Xander to his feet.  "Come, there is little time.  Otherwise the press will know."  She snapped her fingers and people ran in, packing everything that looked like it was theirs.

"Not the wooden things," Ray told them. He was led from the room, in front of Xander to block people from getting to him.  "Do we really have to stay there for a year?"

The blonde nodded.  "I'm afraid so.  It is the law, otherwise it can be counted as a horrible problem."  She smiled as she walked out, letting their guards take care of the press.  "Mr. Harris has stepped forward to settle the debt of honor between us," she announced as she led them away.  "We may stop and let you order things.  I know you have money on you."

Xander grimaced.  He hated being railroaded like this.  If he wanted to be pushed, he would tell one of his mates to push him.  He touched the pendant at his throat. "Micah," he whined/called.  Micah appeared beside him.  "They're tying to make me claim that planet."

Micah smiled at the blonde woman.  "May I talk to my adopted brother for a moment?"  She nodded, stopping the procession so Micah could lead him out of the way.  "Why did you call on me?"

"Get me out of here," Xander complained. "They're going to coop us up on a planet for a year and I don't want it.  I never have."

Micah patted him on the shoulder.  "Xander, how many times have you had to do something disgraceful or distasteful in the name of diplomacy."  Xander whined.  "Oh, grow up.  Deal with it.  You have to do this to make everyone feel happy.  You can suffer for a year.  Hire some of the land out to farmers, set up a shrine to your friends, and learn to live with it.  I'll tell Oz and he'll come up and see you."  He rolled his eyes.  Sometimes Xander could be so immature, the guy was three-hundred-fifty years old and he was pouting.  "Xander, deal with it.  You'll have to take it.  You can sell it later or whatever.  We'll even set up a portal to your new world if you want."  Xander nodded.  "What's really bothering you."

"I don't want to go back there."

"Bad memories," Ray called.

"Oh, that."  Micah sighed and hugged his brother.  "I know that it gives you the creeps, but you can set up on the other side of the planet.  The place is three times the size of Earth and you can set up anywhere that you want.  You won't have to see the place where you were forced to stay.  You can even call Lissa over to play with Strife.  I'm sure all your friends will be very pleased with you."  He pushed Xander back to the group.  "Here, take him.  Ray, distract him or something."  He disappeared in a cloud of smoke.  He had more important things to do than to soothe Xander's feelings.  That was Oz, Methos, and Ray's job.

Xander pouted.  "He wasn't very happy."

"He's just busy right now," Ray soothed.  "After all, this is the year when all the kids have to come up and he's only got the six or so."  He started Xander walking again.  "C'mon, we'll go find a good spot and you can teach me how ta surf and stuff."  Xander lightened up some and Ray shared a look with Danny, who was smiling.  It would be okay, Xander would accept it soon enough.  "So, can we rent out some of the land? 'Cause I'm thinking that a planet is probably really expensive to run."

The blonde woman smiled.  "Of course you can.  On the way over, we'll show you the scans we have of your planet and put you in touch with people who can find you tenet farmers.  It is a very popular plan among the smaller planets."  She got them into an official ship and took off once everything was loaded.  "If you would care to rest, you may do so in the room to your left."

Xander grabbed Ray's hand.  "Mine."

"Of course," she agreed.  "I had heard you had three others in your family."  She smiled at Danny.  "I had no idea that you had students though."  She sat down, waving them to do the same.  "Now then, down to the practicalities.  The Empress herself will be quite pleased that you did not fight harder.  It has bothered her for many years that you were reluctant to take the planet.  She thought something was wrong with it."

Xander shuddered.  "I was dropped off there and nearly not rescued.  I don't like to think about that place."

She reached over and patted him on the knee.  "I understand.  If someone had taken me from my mates and stranded me somewhere I would not like it either."  She leaned back again.  In front of her, the table turned into a map.  "This is your planet, which you may name whatever you want."  She pointed at a small band of land.  "Your house has been put here, as far away from the original spot you were dropped as possible."  She looked up. "How did you get a house there?"

Xander shrugged.  "I don't know."

"Spell," Ray coughed.  Xander looked at him.  "Hurricanes?  Spell?  Lost weight?"

"Oh."  Xander nodded.  "I did a spell to save my house from a hurricane at one time.  It may have put it there."

She nodded, making a note.  "Thank you for explaining that."  She pointed at the main continent.  "This is the main land mass.  On it you have mountains, a large mineral field here," she ran a finger around all the mountains, "and arable farming land on most of the rest.  It was noticed that certain creatures are found on your land, none of them dangerous to humans.  We can import some of your native species if you'd like, though we will have to check and make sure that they won't harm the environment."  She smiled.  "It should be quite profitable for you."

"Can we have horses?" Ray asked.  Xander looked at him.  "What?  Methos showed me that I like horses."

"Of course you may," she told them.  "They are grazers and there is a predator large enough to keep the wild herds down if you go that way."  She turned the map, showing them the extent of the islands.  "You don't have a snow cap like you do on Earth, but the weather is very pleasant year round.  There is snow at the top of the mountains.  There is a small desert around the southern cap."  She pointed at it.  "There are also some very strange ruins down there, we're not sure from where or when."  She noticed Danny's eyes light up. "On the nearby planets, there are similar ruins, many more of them on the nearest planet.  That one has ones with language-like notations."  Danny opened his mouth.  "That one is open for the claiming, you may talk with me privately about going to see them."  He nodded eagerly.  "Also, this planet has many idyllic spots around it. Your house landed in one of them."

A waiter walked in, handing around drinks.  "Please, have dinner," he suggested in a quiet voice.  "It will only be three hours before we are landing."  He backed out of the room.

She smiled at Xander again.  "It will be up to you to set up a regional government and a way to deal with problems.  If you chose to house some farmers, then you will have to set up a method of them talking to you and of you getting your share of their crops.  You will be able to hire out ships to transport anything that your planet produces and will need someone to take care of the negotiations to sell your products."  She sipped her drink.  "It is really very good."

Xander picked up his and sipped it, grimacing.  "Oh, ick."  He handed his off to Ray, who was drinking all his.  "Too sweet."  He watched as Danny took a long drink.  "It's just me, right?"

"Probably," Ray told him.  "Maybe it was what you guys were eating earlier."

"It could be," Danny agreed.  "That bitter leaf can ruin your tastebuds for a whole day."  He looked at their guide. "What about the practical matters of food now.  We didn't get a chance to arrange for that."

"We will provide a single communication unit back to the mall's outplanet office," she told him.  "You may go through them for anything that you need.  They have menus from all shops and will take your credit slips."  Danny nodded. "How long have you been with us?"

"Close to a hundred and fifty years," he said honestly.

She nodded.  "Good, then I will expect you to instruct Xander on how to deal with issues of protocol.  It will set the whole tone of his tenure if he makes too many mistakes."  Danny nodded.  "We hope that you will be happy there, I know that getting rid of this debt will make the Empress quite happy."  She stood up as the ship started to slow.  "Why don't you go rest and we'll meet again when we land."  She watched as Danny took Xander and Ray into the room she had shown Ray earlier.  Then she went to report.  This was going to earn her a large commission and quite a lot of favor.

***

Oz walked into the door, and into the back of an off world guard.  "Explain," he said in his deadliest tone of voice.

"Calm down," Methos told him.  "I'm sure no one took Xander this time."

A young man walked forward.  "My wife wishes to speak with you about the condition of your mates," he said respectfully.  "Please, come with me."  He walked back to the living room, showing them inside.  "We will be finished in twenty minutes," he told her.

Oz held up a hand.  "Freeze.  Finished what?"

"Packing.  Your mate was forced to take what was his," the woman told them.  She pointed at the couch. "Please, sit, I will explain."

"Oh, you'd better explain.  And this isn't all our things."

She nodded.  "We will help you pack those also.  By the laws you will have to be up there within a month to take up your year of residence."

"Year of residence?"

Methos put a hand on Oz's shoulder.  "Calm down.  Let's listen to her before we harm her."  He looked at her. "I would start explaining rather soon, I 'm not sure I can keep him calm for long."

She laughed. "Indeed."  She held out a small PDA-looking device.  "On this is the articles of claiming, which were filled out for your mate when he did not come forward to claim what was his.  As we found him at the mall, after a battle, we acted to make sure that he would take what was his."  Methos opened his mouth.  "It was most important.  It was a debt that he was owed and looks bad on us. My mother made it known that he would have to accept what was his if he was ever found.  Though she did find his periodic letters rather funny."  She smiled.   "As for what we are doing here, you wouldn't want him to live alone for a year, would you?"  Oz shook his head.  "Therefore we are expediting the process of moving."  She stood up.  "We are aware that people like you would have things stored in many places so we agree to go help you with that also."

Micah appeared.  "They caught Xander after a fight and forced him to take it."  He handed Oz a large silver box.  "That's from the demon bank.  Can we set up a portal?"

"As long as we don't have to stake any vamps," Oz said with a shrug.  "Why now?  Why not do this slowly?"

"Because it is an embarrassment to us," the woman told them.  "He has refused to take up his debt and it looks bad on us."

Oz grimaced.  "That's because he hates that place.  It has a lot of bad memories for him."  He stopped for a second, then looked over at Micah again.  "Is this all of it? He's got major hidden accounts with them."

"I talked to the branch manager in LA and they said it was all of it, minus a small fee because some of it was invested."  Micah sat down next to Oz.  "What's going on?"

"Apparently we're being sent to that planet to go hide for a year," Methos told him.  He looked at the woman.  "We would rather pack our own belongings.  There are many things I don't want someone pawing through."  She shrugged.  "We will meet you in a week."  She stood up.

"Thank you for your help up to this point," Oz told her.

She smiled at him.  "We will be back in a week with a transport for all of your things."  She took her husband and strolled out.

Once the house was empty, Oz looked at Methos. "Does this seem very fast to you?"

Methos nodded.  "I'd like to know why."  He looked at Micah.  "Were they railroaded too?"  The demon nodded.  "Any idea why?"

Micah yawned.  "Not a clue.  Xander had some papers with him, but I can't get up there yet.  Not until someone sets up a portal."  He stood up and stretched.  "I'm in the middle of planning a feast.  Yell if you need me.  And yes, before you ask, Xander was quite distressed but Daniel and Ray were with him."  He disappeared.

"I don't like this," Oz sighed, getting up to go check and see what still needed packed.  "They emptied the safes too."

"I'll check and see if everything's still around," Methos said, getting up to look inside the various boxes.

***

Xander stepped off the ship, taking a deep breath.  The air was fresher than anything he'd smelled since the house in Canada had burnt.  He looked around.  The landing area was on a small bluff, above the house.  He looked out across the house, his breath catching.  On the other side of the house, was the ocean.  On two sides of the house was clear blue water.  Surf was washing up near the back porch and his forge was at the high tide line.  He looked at the other two sides.  The front of the house faced a bluff, but there was about half a mile of space between the front door and the bluff.  On the other side was green grass.  Lots of green grass.  He looked back at Ray, who looked nearly as awestruck.   "It's beautiful," he noted.  He looked back at their guide.  "So why the rush?"

"Because otherwise, someone else was going to try and claim it," she said with a shrug.  She waved a hand at the house.  "I believe everything should be in order.  The communication panel is in your dining area."  She smiled.  "Go look, boys."  She got out of Daniel's way.  "I've got the papers you wanted filed and I'll put them in for you today."  She stepped back into the ship and the door slammed shut.  An automated arm grabbed everything in the hold and put it down, then the ship lifted off.

Xander sighed and grabbed his bags. "I'm about ready to be pissed."

"Get pissed," Ray agreed as he grabbed some of the bags.   They got it all down to the house and inside to the living room. "It's the same," he said in awe.  He noticed the ugly painting he had inherited hanging on a wall.  "It's all here."

"Yup, that's what I tried to do," Xander reminded him.  He walked into the dining room, stopping when he saw the large, bulky, and obviously unconnected communication device.  "I think we're going to have to jury rig things."  He walked into the kitchen and smiled.  "The food's here too."  He broke the seal on the refrigerator and backed away quickly.  "But if it could spoil it did.  We need to dig a hole for some of that."  He went to look in the library, smiling when he saw the mess of the books spread around.  "Some things never change I see."  He headed up to his bedroom, but there was something missing.  His antique bed, the one that had been in his family for nearly six hundred years, wasn't in his room.  "The bed's not here," he whined.  The air shimmered and the bed appeared, just like it had been.  "Thank you."  He saw the note and picked it up to read it, smiling at the contents.  He was happy that she had enjoyed it enough to make a copy of it.  He headed back downstairs to check on everything.  He found Ray at the doorway of what had been the animal's room.  "What's up?"  He looked over Ray's shoulder, his mouth falling open. All his animals were in there.  Every single one of them.  "Oh, wow," he breathed.  One of the puppies barked at him, wagging her tail.  "Hey, little one," he whispered, getting down to pet her.  "How are you?  Have you been here all alone for a really long time?"  She nuzzled against his stomach.  "Ray, lay out food," he told him, having to nudge him to get him to move.  Ray moved, going to fill the water dishes and food containers.

Hecate appeared behind him, smiling at Xander.  "No, young one, they weren't here until I felt you be grabbed.  I'm sorry about the food, but that has been here."

Xander smiled at her.  "That's okay.  This was the nicest prezzie I could have ever gotten."  He sniffled.  "I missed my babies when they died."

She reached down and patted him on the head.  "I know you did."  She looked around.  "They didn't leave you with anything?"

"With all due respect," Daniel said from the doorway, "they hustled us out of the mall like we were contagious.  They said we could order things, but the communication gear is disconnected."  He grimaced.  "I'm not good with machines."

"I'll try and get it up," Ray told him, pouring the last of the cat food out.  "There we go."  The animals rushed to the bowls, nibbling their fill.  "Thank you for this," he told her.

She smiled at him, her heart breaking at the innocence she saw he still held.  Through everything, he had managed to keep a lot of his original innocence.  She felt his heartbreak for his own animals and decided to do something very nice, which was odd for her, but she would do it.  She looked down at Xander.  "Pick a good spot for our temple, young man."  She smiled and waved a hand, bringing Ray the likeness of his animals too.  As she disappeared, the food in the fridge was exchanged for something good and the communication device was working, but only to one spot because it wouldn't connect anywhere else.

Xander smiled as the other animals appeared.  "I'll put it overlooking the ocean with a lot of trees."  He got up and gave Ray a hug.  "I'm going to clean the fridge and bury the bad stuff.  You pet everybody."  He whistled and most of his dogs followed him to the kitchen. "She fixed it!" he yelled.

"Call someone now," Daniel suggested, going to help him and pet the animals.  He turned it on, he had seen a one of these in a museum at the mall.  A face appeared.  "Oh, hey, it does work."

"Hello?" the man said.  "Please turn on your camera."

"Trying to," Xander called.  He found the camera and turned it on.  "Hey," he said, waving.  "We got dropped off here by someone who I'm thinking wasn't quite with you guys."

"Where are you?"

Xander grinned.  "I'm Xander Harris.  They came to me about the planet I didn't want to claim?  We're there."

The man nodded.  "Hold on, please.  I will be right back."  He ran off.

Daniel sat on the floor, petting all the dogs.  "You guys are so happy," he told them.  He looked over, noticing a little ferret.  "You're welcome too," he said sadly.  The ferret came running over, climbing into his lap.  "Yes, you're a little sweetie," he told her, petting her gently.  "You look just like my Dessie."  He wiped a tear away.  "We'll be okay," he told Xander when he got petted on the shoulder.

"I know, healing takes time and pain."  He leaned down, kissing the side of Daniel's head.  "It'll be okay.  If I have to stay here, you can stay here too."  He looked up at the screen as a woman walked toward them.  "Hey.  Did you guys have us kidnaped?"

She smiled.  "Mr. Harris. I have heard much about you."  She sat down regally, arranging her skirt around her.  "Where are you?"

"We were in the mall, the big one, and got found.  They rushed us out, brought us here, and stranded us without food, without any supplies, and are supposedly going after our mates."

"Who's there with you?"

Daniel looked up.  "Daniel Jackson," he said quietly.  "Ray's in the back room.  They packed all of our things, didn't give us a chance to protest, and hustled us off."

She glanced around them.  "And the house?"

"Spell," Xander told him. "Gift from my Goddess Hecate."   She smiled.  "It has everything, including the food that was going sour when we left."  She laughed lightly.  "So can we please handle this somehow?  Do we really have to stay here for a year?"

She shook her head.  "Why would you have to?"

"Because she told us we have to stay here for a year," Daniel told her.  He put the ferret aside, but it gave him an indignant squeak and crawled back into his lap. "Okay then."  He looked up at her, giving her a faint smile.  "It really was rather abrupt and not at all like your normal customs."

She nodded.  "I will have someone come there tonight.  They will look over whatever that woman gave you and explain anything you need.  Do you know her name?"

Xander shook his head.  "Not a clue.  She never introduced herself to us, which is strange when I think back. It was like a military operation to get me out of the mall."  He dug around, coming up with his credit slip.  "Can I get you to get us stuff?  Or how do I do that?"

She smiled.  "I will have someone come help you with that.  How old is your system?" she asked, looking off to the side, at an instrument panel or something.

"I saw one in a museum," Daniel told her.

Her mouth fell open. "And it works?"

"My Goddess Hecate made it work," Xander told her.  "It had been lying here without being attached to anything."

Daniel coughed.  "I also filed papers with her to look at the ruins on this and the surrounding planets. I'm not sure if this was a faction proving their displeasure at not being able to get this planet, or if this was just against us, but it was rather upsetting."

She nodded.  "I can see that.  I will send someone to check on your mates.  What city are they in on Earth?"

"London."  Xander smiled at her.  "Thank you.  We can probably go for at least a day with what we have on hand, but not more than a week."

She nodded.  "That would be good.  I will arrange for someone to come see you tonight about this.  Be assured, this person will not be part of any faction."  She stood up.  "Be at peace, young ones.  You will be seeing me again soon."  The connection cut.

Daniel looked up at Xander. "It could have been someone upset with us being humans."

Xander shrugged. "I'd just like an answer."  He stood up, walking into the kitchen. "Hey, she gave us good food too."  He dug around, pulling out a frozen pizza.  Then he shut the door and reopened it.  "No electricity."

"We'll get a generator," Daniel told him.  "How much do you have?"

"Not a great amount. Enough to outfit the house, or maybe buy a generator."

The communication device came back on.  "Hello?" a young woman called.

"Coming."  Xander grabbed some meat for the animals and walked out, shredding the cooked ham for them.  "Hi."  He sat down in his former seat, having moved the kitten to the tabletop.  "Are you going to help us straighten this stuff out?"

She nodded, still smiling.  "I am to help you order things for your house."

"I need to check and see if we have a generator, otherwise that's got to be first," Xander told her.

"Do you have a source of hydro-electric power nearby?"

Xander turned the camera to show the ocean.  "We have all that."  He turned it back.  "We found some food, but no electricity to cook a third of it."

"All right."  She typed something in.  "What about money?"

Xander pointed at a little slot. "If I put my credit slip into that will it send it to you?"  She nodded so he did so, looking at the number that came up.  "Wow, I forgot I hadn't gotten to shop yet."

She smiled.  "That's good though, it means you'll be able to outfit the house.  How long did you intend on staying?"

"Well, the chick that dragged us here said we have to stay a year," Ray said as he walked out.  He sat down to pet the neglected puppy, making her happy.  "What's going on?"

"No electric."

"Was the water heater gas?" Daniel asked.  Xander shrugged.  "You don't know?"

"The only thing I know about that sort of stuff is I turn on the knob and it works."  The woman laughed.  "Sorry, but I'm not the most mechanical of people.  I know *nothing* about any of this."

"You could hire out an engineer," she suggested.  "A tenet farmer maybe, but it is possible."

Xander shrugged.  "I don't know a thing about any of this.  I'm a pampered creature of pleasure, Oz deals with most of that."  His voice stared to climb.  "Oz takes care of all the money stuff and the physical maintenance of the house, and even us."

Ray patted him gently.  "It's okay.  I'll be the big, strong, physical guy until they kidnap Oz too.  Then we'll figure it out."  He looked up at the screen. "How much would it cost us to get someone here who would be able to tell us what we need?"

"Not very much, especially if you would be willing to let them have a spot to live."

Xander shrugged.  "I wouldn't mind, as long as I didn't have to run into them, but I don't even know how to do that."

She smiled.  "I understand.  Many people who file for planets aren't prepared for a lot of the responsibility.   We have many claims that are bought out."  She looked down at her monitor, then back up at them. "I do have a candidate.  He's used to, and enjoys, reclusive situations. He's willing to build his own house and farm his own lands.  Wants about an..."  She frowned.  "What are your units of land measurements?"

"We can go acre or kilometer," Xander told her.

"Okay. He wants twenty kilometers."

"That's a lot."

"You've got the space, Xan," Daniel reminded him. "You can put him on the continent and let him hang over there."

Xander nodded. "Okay.  Will it cost me anything beside that?"  She shook her head.  "Then can you offer him a reasonable deal for us?"  She smiled and typed something in.  "Thank you, you're nice."

"This is what I do," she told him, her smile very bright.  "I have a note here saying that someone went to protect your mates. They'll be up in a while, but not within a month."  She looked up.  "Is that all right?"  Xander nodded quickly. "All right, what else will you be needing?"

"I need a building," he told her.  "I promised to set up a shrine to my Gods and Goddesses."

"We'll also need something to help us get around," Daniel put in.  "We're on an island."

"All right."  She keyed it in. "Did you know that there was a loan available to those who start new planetary colonies?"

"I'm not sure about the colony part," Xander told her.

She nodded and typed that in.  "There is one to help you manage start up expenses.  Do you want me to apply for you?"  Xander nodded.  "All right, give me a moment."  She typed some more things in.  "We'd normally be able to do this faster, but we're limited by the equipment you have on hand."  She finished and looked up.  "We should know in a few moments."  Something beeped and she looked down.  "Oh, you're already approved.  It says that you've had one waiting on you with the Drakmere faction of the money-changers."  She smiled.  "You have more than enough credit for whatever you want to do."

Xander sighed in relief.  "That's great. Okay, then I need a few things.  Let me go make a list as I look around and I'll be right back.  Come on, guys."  He stood up and walked off, heading into the kitchen first.  "Ray, we need munchies," he called, starting a list.

"Food would be good," Daniel agreed.  He looked up at her.  "What about his mates?"

"They've been found and warned.  It was a faction.  By having him there for a year, they can offer to buy it from him.  There's a minor faction of planet owners who want all the surrounding planets.  By Empire law, the surrounding planets are offered to the owner of the ones nearest first, as a matter of courtesy and of practicality."  Daniel nodded.  "These people run farming communities and probably want to set up a farming system on your planet too."  Ray nodded.  "It does happen, though we try not to let it. They filed ownership papers for Mr. Harris this morning."

Xander walked in with a list, smiling as he fed it into the device.  "That's what we need in the basics."

She read the list, nodding.  "Toilet paper?" she asked.  "I'm unfamiliar with that..."  Her eyes opened. "Oh, for the bathroom?"  Xander nodded.  "That would be fine.  I have an offer to talk from the engineer.  He's on his way here to talk to you."  She looked at her computer.  "I think we can do all this fairly quickly and have it coming tonight.  As I told them, your mate won't be here for at least a month."

Xander sat down again.  "I'm okay as long as I've got these guys.  Danny, did you need anything in a bookish way?  We only have one or two notebooks around here."

"I think I can live with just that.  But can we send a note back to Oz?  I have a storage facility I'd like him to empty for me."

"How long did you pay it up for?" Ray asked.

"It should have about another month," Daniel told him.  "It held a lot of my research."

Xander smiled at him.  "Steve and Richie saved it a few years back when they went out of business.  He had a lot of us storing stuff there.  I know it's at the resort in Europe."

"That's cool. Can we get a note back to Oz?"

"Of course."  She typed something in and looked up at them.  "Audio recording is ready."

"Oz, it's Danny.  I heard Steve got my stuff from the storage place.  Can I please have it?  And can you check at the mall and make sure they emptied my apartment?  Please?"

"Honey, it's me," Xander said.  "We're okay, and Ray's helping me handle stuff."  He smiled down at Danny.  "I found Danny and he's okay, still healing but okay.  Can't wait for you to get up here.  I've made my first and second decision for the planet.  Hurry up.  Miss you."  He blew a kiss.

Ray rolled his eyes.  "Hey, guys, it's me.  I'm here too.  I'm keeping Xander from going nuts.  The animals are all here.  Love you, happy packing."  He nodded and she hung up, sending it to the guard working with them.  "Okay, did you add litter to that?  We'll need some soon."

"No, I didn't, or marble slabs either," Xander said with a frown.  Everyone present looked at him.  "To build the shrine.  You can get marble premade and precut slabs.  I was going to use them to build the shrine because it'd be easier."

"Oh," Ray said, nodding.  "That'd be great.  Much easier than building one by hand."  He looked at her and rolled his eyes again, making her laugh.  "So, litter and stuff to build a marble temple.  Dog and cat food, but that'll have to come partially from Earth."

"Ferret chow," Danny noted quietly.

"And food for the ferrets has gotta come from Earth."  He looked back at Xander.  "Did you want to do farm animal stuff?"

"Not particularly.  I'm not that great at slaying animals.  Oz might not mind, but I kinda do."

"That's fine, I guess we can get butchered animals shipped," Danny put in.  The woman nodded.  "Is it much more expensive?"

"About twice as much.  Plus, the goats have other uses, like cutting grasslands and for hair production for weaving."  Xander brightened up at that.  "I could have a few of them sent if you'd like.  That would count as normal start up expenses."  She rolled away and came back, loading a list for them to view.  "This is the standard setup rations that people get when they claim a planet."

"Is it hard to get a claim?" Daniel asked.

She nodded.  "Very.  It usually takes at least three years central time unless you already have a claim in the system.  What were you wanting to claim?"

"I was thinking about the planets nearby that are supposed to have ruins."  She looked at him.  "I'm an anthropologist and archeologist.  I study ancient and dead cultures."  She looked like she understood.  "The woman who dropped us off mentioned it."

"Ah.  Yes, I see a claim started for you, Dr. Jackson."  She looked up.  "I guess they're hoping to buy it off of you."

"Would that make it faster?" Ray asked.

She nodded.  "Much easier and faster, plus they would also get startup help themselves and someone to deal with the administrative details until they set up their own system of government."

"We get to do that too?" Xander asked.  She nodded.  "Can we get a list of standard rules?"

"That's part of something that we give you automatically."   She looked over as the door opened.  "Oh, hello.  Are you the engineer?"  An older man walked into view.  "These nice people have just been put onto their own planet."

"Didn't know what to do?" he asked, well, sneered.

Xander pouted at him.  "Hey, our house was transferred up by a spell.  It was set up for life on Earth.  You know, electric and everything?"

He shrugged.  "I can do that, but I want twenty acres."

"Fat chance," Ray told him.  The man glared at him.  "What're you going to tell us?  Put that here and run this cable?"

The man pulled a chair over.  "No, son, I'm going to tell you what you need to make your fancy house work and put up the structures to do so.  That means I'll be the one running the cable and putting everything in place."

Xander laid a hand on Ray's arm.  "Forgive him, but we're a little upset today.  We just got dumped here."

"They're trying to get them to give up their claim," the woman explained.

The man grunted.  "I've had that happen to the planet I was on before. Don't do it, it'll only cause problems."  He stood up.  "Ten acres."

"Fine with us.  Do you mind being on the continent?"

"As long as I've got some good irrigation and you don't charge too high a fee."  He laughed when he saw the confused look.  "You don't know a lot about tenet farming, do you?"

"Just the historical stuff," Daniel told him. "No, we're probably not going to charge over thirty percent.  We have as of yet to decide on a manager over that.  We're waiting on the rest of our mates to show up."

"Thirty percent? That's nearly unheard of," the man told him.

"Too high?" Ray asked.

"Too low."

"But it's a brilliant plan," Xander told him.  "Charge a low rate of fees, give the farmers easy laws, and they'll stay.  Less turnover and less problems from them."  The man nodded, looking a little happier.  "All right, our house was wired last in the twenty-first century.  We're set up for everything electric, and we're just off the ocean.  I'd like something clean and non-energy sucking to make everything run."  The man nodded.  "Other than that, that's all I have figured out.  Oh, and we'll need to see about environmental carts or something."

"That's part of the startup set," Ray told him, pointing at the list.  "I like that list.  How many should that hold up?"

"It's meant for a beginning population of thirty people, which is usually mandatory.  Since you have a claim by force of habitation, then the minimum number is waived."  She checked something.  "If we hurry, we can get this to come out with the Empress' advisor.  Would that be fine with you?"

Xander nodded. "The only thing I'd like to add would be some deer, some cows, and some sheep from Earth."

She made a note.  "We can definitely do that.  We also have horses available."

"Please?" Ray begged.  "I'll deal with 'em."

Xander nodded, willing to give him anything.  "And he can have a small herd of horses."

"Broken ones if possible," Ray told her.

She typed it in.  "All right. We'll get that on the ship tonight."  She smiled up at the engineer.  "If you'll head to the docking bay, you can leave with the Empress' advisor.  She's been wanting to meet Mr. Harris for a while now."  The man nodded and waved at them.  "We'll have everything sent for you and you should have it in a few hours."  She waved and cut the connection.

Xander checked his credit slip.  "Some of it cost us, but we'll be okay," he told him, noticing the amount of the loan was on it now.  "Okay, what's first?"

"Food," Danny said.  "Then some cuddle time with the animals."  Both men nodded.  "Good.  I want to cook."  He stood up, taking his ferret friend into the kitchen with him. "Xander, could you make something to make light and heat?  Just in case?"

"Sure.  I'll need to check the forge and the metal supply, but I should have everything soon."   He hopped up to go do that, he needed something concrete to do.  He was nervous and upset, not to mention jumpy.  "Can I have caffeine?" he called as he dug into the closet with the metal supply.  Within minutes, Ray walked out with a cup of instant coffee, cold of course. Xander sipped it as he started his forge for the first time in nearly a hundred years.

***

Oz looked over at the guard as something on him beeped.  "Orders from on high?" he suggested dryly.

"No, sir, a message from your mates."  He handed the communication device over.  "Push the blue button to start it, sir."

"Methos, message," he yelled, bringing his teacher down from the bedroom.  They listened to it together, smiling at the part from Ray.  "I guess they can handle it for a month then."  He looked around the house.  "How are we getting everything up there?"

"In the cargo hold of a ship, sirs," their guard told them.

Oz looked at him.  "Will that cost my mate a lot?"  The guard shook his head.  "Cool.  Methos?"

"I'll start with the storage places in Europe, you go to America?"

"You'd do that to me, wouldn't you?"

"You do have friends over there," Methos pointed out.  Oz nodded and went to go pack.  "Do you wonder what Ray meant by animals?"

"We should probably bring animal food too," Oz suggested.  He looked around the house none of them had really liked.  "At least we'll be back at the manor house."

"Is that where she put it?" Methos asked, taking the opportunity to sit down.

"She said our final resting spot.  It had better be there."  Oz sat beside him.  "How would we get a Micah portal up there?"

"We let him handle that," Methos suggested.  He looked around the apartment.  He really hated this building, and the ghost it held.  The ghost kept interrupting during sex.  "Ready?"

"On three?" Oz suggested.

The guard laughed. "You've got time if you want to take a break," he told them. "I'm sure they're handling it well enough."

"You don't know Xander," Oz told him as he heaved himself up.  "He's probably panicking and wondering how he can grow Fritos."  He headed to the bedroom to pack.  "I'm going to go tell Seth and Spike first."

"At least you won't have to tell Willow," Methos reminded him.

"True," Oz sighed.  Willow, their former friend turned vampire, had gotten depressed about sixty years before and had staked herself.  They had given her a very nice memorial service back in Sunnydale, the last time the group had been together. Seth and Spike would be really upset, they both liked Xander a lot more than they did most humans.  Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, they might know how to get a portal up there so they could visit.  Of course, Seth could go into one of his pouting moods and not come out until after everyone was gone too.  But with a portal, that would be fixed.  That's how he would face them, with the knowledge that they could get a portal up there.  Oz smiled at his brilliant plan.  He wouldn't get pouted at after all.

Methos watched his favorite student plan on being devious.  He knew it wasn't going to work, but he wouldn't shatter the illusion, it would give Oz something to do on the trip to the new world.  Like when they had come to America the first time, all Oz thought about was the cat he was leaving behind.  This time, it would be vampires, which was stranger, but still something to take his mind off his real worries.

***

Ray smiled as the supply ship landed, running out to meet it.  "Hey," he said, waving at the person in the back.  "Xander suggested we put them around here."

Xander strolled up, looking over his new herds of creatures.  "Unless you want to build a barn, they're staying here," he told his best friend.  Ray pouted at him.  "Hey, caves, fresh water access, easy to build pens for.  Otherwise, you're building a barn for them."  Ray caved at the practicalities.  "So, can they all go together for now?"

The supply person came down and handed over a manifest.  "They're your animals," he told him. "I only take care of them on a ship."  He used a small remote control to open the panels holding the animals back, watching as they strolled off.  "You might want to have them checked out before you do anything else."  He pointed at one calf that was lying down still in the pen.  "That one started to sneeze just after loading."  He noticed the panicked look. "Oh, you guys are just starting," he said, nodding.  "Okay, got it.  Yes, you can probably store them together, but I would probably get someone here who knows about animals before you do any more than separate them out.  And you might want to get the males and the females apart soon too."  He winked.  "Other than that, the caves should be fine for now."  He watched as Xander signed the invoice.  "You'll be getting the rest of them tonight."  He walked back onto the ship and led a small horse out.  "Sorry, this one was hiding.  She's only a year old and just separated from her mother for the first time."  They watched as the sick calf wandered down to chew on some grass.

"She's really small," Ray pointed out.  "Can she be ridden?"

"She'll get a little bigger."  He patted the filly on the shoulder.  "Don't worry, she's more for breeding stock than for riding.  You can implant other foals into her to let them gestate."  Ray opened his mouth.  "You guys really are clueless aren't you?" he laughed.

Xander shrugged.  "We got grabbed and put here because I've been refusing to claim this planet.  We're from Earth."

The guy laughed harder.  "Wonderful.  At least you picked a pretty place to go insane."  He pointed at the landing spot near the house. "Is that for regular cargo?"  Xander nodded.  "Okay, let me head over there and offload everything else.  There was another ship heading here sending the Imperial code so I'm guessing they're going to tell you everything."  He waved and stepped back into the ship, bracing himself as it took off.

Ray counted heads.  "I didn't think the list held this many animals," he said quietly.

Xander clapped him on the back.  "Have fun building a barn.  I'm sure one of the husbands will know how to help you."  He strolled back across the small bridge they'd put up to link their home to the animals' island.  They'd have to reinforce it soon, but it too could wait.  He noticed the large boxes being put onto the landing area.  "I have to move them, huh," he said.  The handler nodded, smiling at him.  "Damn, I hate being sweaty.  Is any of that going to spoil if it's not inside soon?"  The handler pointed at the stack that had purple dots.  "Is there anything in there to *help* me move them, like a forklift?"

The handler smiled and nodded.  "There's an atmospheric cart in the back that's coming soon.  You can always load it full and bring it down to the house.  How's your storage facility?"

"It's inside the house right now," Xander told him.  He watched as everything was offloaded in big, heavy crates.  He hadn't expected to be doing this much work today.  He nearly cheered when he saw the cart.  He knew how to operate one of those!  He got it ready for liftoff, making sure it ran, then set it back down and started pushing crates onto it.  There wasn't any way he was carrying them into the house.  He decided to look at one of them, smiling when it contained building materials like what had made the house he had been stranded in so many years ago.  Yup, that would help a lot.  Those went together with a single tool and probably a brace at first.  He could do that much.   He lifted off, heading to take the current load to the spot for the temple and then to the house.  When he got to the house, all the animals ran away, but he found he couldn't land.  He set the cart on hover and jumped down, smiling when he saw the little kitten underneath.  "Hey, precious, you can't be there," he told her as he grabbed her and moved her out of the way. He got on, petting her as he landed them.  "Now go play while the daddies work."  He let her go, watching as she ran for the bushes surrounding the front of the house.  Xander got to work heaving crates into one of the empty rooms.  He could unpack everything once it was all inside.

Up on the landing spot, the handler shook his head.  "Why didn't he break down the crates?" he muttered, finishing with the last of his load.  The doors closed and the ship lifted off, making room for the waiting one in orbit.

By the time Xander came out for his third load, another ship was landing.  He put the crate down, narrowly missing a ferret and a dog's tail, and went to see who it was this time.  Maybe they'd help him heave stuff into the house.  He walked up, smiling at the woman standing there looking at all the crates.  "Hi, excuse the mess, it's supply day."

She smiled.  "I understand, Alexander Harris.  I'm here to help you do the rest of it."  She shook his hand in the human manner.  "Shall we go sit?"

"Well, you can go sit, but I've got to finish heaving this down to the house and unpack the food."

She leaned a little closer.  "Break down the crates," she advised.  "They're packed full."  He looked stunned.  "You didn't know that?"

Xander shook his head, looking rather upset.  "On Earth, when you get a crate of stuff, that means that someone's packed a lot of stuff in it, but that it's easier to move that way or that it's fragile.  Unpacking usually means more work."  He scowled at the crates.  "If I had known that, I might have packed the cart heavier."  He shrugged.  "Never mind, I'll go down and push everything off, come get this load, and then we can talk while I put up food.  If that's okay?"

She nodded.  "That's fine with me.  I'll be here for at least a day."  She saw another man walk out of the house. "Who's that?"

"Danny Jackson.  My student."  He waved.  "Bring the cart!" he yelled.  Danny waved back and finished shoving things off the cart so he could bring it back up.  "This may go faster after all," he said with a smile.  "You guys don't have more stuff, do you?"

"Only a few things.  I believe your engineer has gone to look at the wiring."  She pointed at the man who had gotten off right after her and walked away.  "You probably won't see him until a meal.   And we have the rest of your livestock and supplies."

Xander grinned.  "Livestock goes on the next island with Ray.  He's working on getting the caves set up until he can build a barn."  She laughed.  "Hey, fresh water over there, none over here.  Plus a large natural cave complex that works for now, and possibly for later."  He shrugged.  "It's all good to me."  He smiled at Danny as he landed.  "Want to help me or Ray?"

"What's Ray doing?" Danny asked as he stepped off, looking around at all the crates. "Our supplies?"

"With more coming off this ship," she told him.  "Dr. Jackson, it is a delight to finally meet you.  I read of your exploits when you found us."  She shook his hand.  "I must say, you've aged incredibly well."

He shrugged, smiling faintly.  "Thanks.  It happens."  He looked at Xander. "Are the animals on this one?"

"Ray's already got some of them on the next island over.  The place we built the bridge to, which by the way works wonderfully.  I'm going to be unpacking a lot of stuff and carrying most of it."

Danny smiled.  "I'll help you get everything into the house then go help Ray."  He turned to look at the crates.  "All this?"

"And about two hundred more," she told him.  "But I assure you, you can break them down farther to make carrying easier.  It's how we usually do it."

Danny sighed, but opened the first crate.  He frowned and recovered it. "Let's move them to the house in this form and then unpack from the front lawn, Xander.  At least it'll all be down there and you can work easier from that point."  Xander nodded, going to help heft some of the crates onto the lift.  Danny looked at her.  "We only have the one cart?"

"And horses if you'd like to build a sled," Xander added.  "Some of them looked like draft horses. Oh, and there's one really small one that the last guy suggested we use as a brood mare for embryos."

"That'd work," Danny agreed.  He looked around.  "I think we'll work on the sled idea later.  This is a steep hill and you'd almost have to build a road."  He shoved one of the crates onto the sled.  "If you'd like, you can go wait at the house," he told her.  "It shouldn't take us too long to get it all down there."  She walked away, still smiling.  "This is a lot of stuff," Danny noted.

"Yes it is, but we won't run out," Xander pointed out.  "Not even toilet paper."  Danny chuckled.  "See, told you I could make you laugh."  He heaved a crate up to start the second row.

"Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Less trips."

"More weight. The safety features might not work."  He put one up on top, noticing the blinking light.  "We've exceeded weight limits."  That crate went back onto the ground, along with the last one Xander had put on.  The blinking stopped and Danny got on to drive it down to the house.  Once there, he tipped the cart and let gravity take its course.  Nothing was supposed to be fragile in this load, or food, so it should be all right.  He lifted off, going back up for the next load.

The official representative managed to get all the animals away from the crates and inside, closing the door before they could sneak out and possibly get injured.  Maybe she should suggested a pulley system from the ridge?  But Dr. Jackson surely knew about those sort of things too.  She had seen the bridge, which was a copy of a design from the Amazon basin region of Earth.  It should hold for quite a while, though they'd never get an animal across it.

Over on the next island, Ray was trying to figure out how to tell which animals were male and which were female without getting too personal.  He could tell the bulls from the cows, but unless the other ones peed, he couldn't see the dangly bits well enough.  His mouth fell open when one of the horses seemed to unroll its penis to pee.  "So that's what that saying means," he muttered, putting a purple ribbon on that one's neck to note it was male.

***

Xander finished the temple and walked around, putting the little lamps in each cove for each God.  He put some of the energy metal in each lamp and lit it, smiling up at the name above the lamp while sending a prayer to them.  He left Strife's for last, sending him a long prayer, including one to help Ray milk cows without getting knocked over.  Then he went to light the ones for the Gods from off-world that he knew.  He had left room to add on in case he was told to, but it was good so far.  He had taken a small laser and inscribed everyone's name above their lamps, sometimes with fairly bad handwriting, but it was understandable at least.  He turned and found Strife looking at his little cubby.  "Sorry it's so small," he said with a grin.  "I'm doing the best I can.  The big temple comes later."

Strife gave him a hug.  "Dude, this rocks.  Everyone's happy with you right about now."  He tickled him.  "How am I supposed to help Ray milk a cow?  I can't milk a cow."

Xander giggled.  "I thought that since the cow meant mischief that you could help calm the cow down."

Ares appeared, brushing some lint off his leathers.  "Well, it's tiny," he said as he looked around.  He pointed at the one for Jace.  "She's not quite a God either, young man."

"Yeah, but how else is she supposed to get up here?" he pouted.

Ares glared at him.  "You could try asking," he suggested dryly.  He walked around the temple, nodding.  "You've got all of us, and in a politically correct order by hierarchy.  I like, it's good."  He clapped Xander on the back, making him wobble.  "As for Ray, he'll be fine.  At least they're not trying to pee into the milk."  He smiled at Strife.  "So, how's the house?"

"Oh, you didn't see.  She found the most perfect spot," Xander said, taking both of them by the hand and leading them outside.  "See," he said, pointing.  The temple sat on a small rise above the house, overlooking the ocean and the roof.

Strife looked appreciative when he saw the view.  "Killer surfing probably."

"Yeah," Xander agreed with a grin.  "Tried it out earlier, twenty foot waves for at least three hours a day."  He smiled up at Ares. "Is this good for you?"

"It's a wonderful spot," he agreed.  He patted Xander on the shoulder.  "Excellent spot for the temple too.  I'll tell Hecate thank you later, when she's in a better mood."

Hecate appeared, frowning at her nephew. "I'm not in a bad mood."  She smiled at Xander.  "I'm glad you appreciate the placement, young man."

Xander gave her a shy smile. "I'd hug you but I think you'd probably zap me or something."  She held out her arms and he rushed over to give her a hug.  "You are so great," he told her.  "All you ever have to do is ask and I'll gladly light a bull on fire for you."

She laughed.  "I'm sure a flesh offering isn't necessary."  She pulled back.  "Your other mates are coming up too."

"I can build Giles a hut," Xander agreed.  "At least until he not only apologizes but figures out that I'm going to hurt him if he ever cheats again."

She nodded.  "That would probably be acceptable."  She let him go fully.  "Now then, this is a wonderful temple for a beginning.  Are you going to add a library to it?"

"If you want," he agreed quickly.  "I have no idea how to do that, but sure."  She laughed.  "Hey, I did good, the walls are straight."  Ares started to snicker.  "What?  I'm delicate guy.  I haven't lifted a hammer in close to three hundred years except to hang a painting or pound some metal.  Oh, did you like the lamps?  I used some of the energy metal so the lamps won't be going out for a very long time."

Strife looked down at Bliss' lamp, then giggled.  "That's cute.  A small nugget for a thousand years or so."  He looked at Ares.  "And they're protected now."

"Hopefully," Ares told him.  "Remember, they're here because someone wants Xander's land claim and can't take it from him until he's had it for a year."

"Over their dead bodies," Ray said as he walked in.  He walked right up to Strife and looked up at him.  "Dude, can you please tell the cows to cut it out?  Their dancin' is causin' me grief.  I swear they're doing it on purpose."

Strife shrugged.  "Not a thing to do with it," he told him, raising a hand to swear.  "I haven't touched a cow since before Rome became an Empire."  He looked at Ares.  "Would that be Pan?"

"It might be," Ares agreed.  "Hey, Xander, are you going to be putting up portals?"

"One hopefully back to the really big mall and one to the demon planes. I don't know how to get one back to Earth to make it easier on you guys to come visit, but I'm working on it."

Ray smiled at him.  "I talked to the demon portal guy earlier.  He wanted a sheep in exchange for building one to the demon plane that's the bazar and to the big mall."  He looked at Strife.  "It's a *huge* moon, hollowed out and turned into one big, honkin' mall.  Freakin' huge!  And he decides to go wander around, that's how we got caught."

"Nah-uh," Xander complained.  "We got caught because a stupid immie decided to challenge me."  He tossed his braid back over his shoulder.  "Sorry," he said, giving Hecate a smile.  "I didn't mean to hit you with it."

She patted him on the back.  "That's all right, your hair is quite something else."  She fingered the ends of his braid.  "Yes, quite soft and luxurious."

"And it's stayin' that way," Strife said with a glare at Xander.  "No more cuttin' the hair or I'm gonna come get you and make it grow again."

Xander looked innocent.  "I'll try."  Strife scowled.  "What?  It gets in the way sometimes."

Strife pounced him, tickling him fiercely.  "Repent," he told him.  "No more cuttin' the hair!  Say it!"

"I won't cut my hair!" Xander squealed, writhing under Strife's toned body.

"That's bettah," Strife said as he stood up, pushing back some of his own hair that had gotten messed up.  "Next time you cut your hair, I'm gonna go grab those evah-growin' scissors again and do both types of hair on your body.  Got me here?"

Xander put a hand over his crotch. "Please, not that.  I like shaving that."

"I like the feeling of a shaved crotch too," Hecate said with a shrug.  She walked around the temples, lighting one that had went out.  "There, all better.  The one to the Mother over the off- world pantheon was unlit."

Xander sighed.  "That one won't stay lit.  I had to light it twice earlier.  I guess I'm going to have to get a different chunk to put in there."  He smoothed back the strands of his hair that had come loose.  "Can you see anything that needs to be done?"

Hecate shook her head.  "Not a thing.  You might put a major altar somewhere close by in case you want to make physical offerings.  As for the library, let your mate do it in punishment."

Discord appeared, looking around the small temple.  "It's tiny," she told Xander.

He shrugged.  "It's the best I can do right now.  It was do this or wait another year as I learned how to build a real building."

She shrugged.  "Then I like it just fine."  She looked around.  "Where's my little hole and lamp?" Ares pointed at the one next to his.  "Cool.  Is that my name?"

Xander blushed.  "Sorry, my handwriting isn't always the best."

She laughed.  "Hey, it's good enough for me. This is the first temple to me in years.  Even Giles only keeps an altar."  She sighed.  "I guess I'll have to tell him to come build a real altar up here."

"Have him plan to add on a library also," Hecate told her.  "Xander, I think this is quite good enough.  It gives all of us some strength and a homing beacon for you.  It also sets a permanent drain into the ground for our energy, tying us to here as well.  Just build a real altar in case you need to make a large offering.  But, Discord is right, Giles is better suited to that particular crafting."  She smiled at her niece.  "Have you seen the views yet?"  She got out of the way so Discord could look out a window.

"Wicked," Discord said, watching the waves.  "I'm sure we'll be seeing 'Dite soon with her board."  She pointed off in the distance.  "Is that a mountain range?"

"Yup," Xander said quickly, pulling out the small map he had in his back pocket.  "This is the planet we're on.  Here's us," he said, pointing at their island.  "Here's a large mountain range with gems underneath it.  Here's where I'm going to let farmers come in and stay, not only because we won't be alone but also because we can charge a small tithe to cover things like taxes and necessities."  He grinned.  "It was suggested to us."

"That's fine," Ares told him, taking the map to look at.  "Mind if we go look?"

"Hey, build vacation homes," Xander offered.  "I like you guys.  Just please keep Zeus and Hera from trying to kill us."  He nodded when Discord looked at him.  "They really don't like me."

She smiled. "They don't like us much either, don't feel bad, kid."  She ruffled his hair and strained to see the map.  "Got a bigger copy?"

"We've got a 3-D copy at the house," Ray told them.  "It's got everything marked so far."  The Gods all disappeared.  "Wow."  He hugged Xander.  "I'm not milking a sheep ever again."

"Maybe we can set up an automatic milker soon," Xander soothed.  "Once we get full electricity up and running out to the barn you're going to be putting up."  Ray scowled.  "Hey, you wanted big animals.  You take care of the animals."  He pinched him on the butt.  "But I'll still help you shower when you come in."  He strolled away to check on the errant lamp, then went to shave off another piece of the energy metal to put in there.  Maybe that would help it stay lit.

Ray shook his head.  He couldn't wait for the husbands to get there.  Methos and Oz must know *something* about handling animals. They had lived through the times when everyone had to have a farm to survive.  They must know something!  He walked down to the ocean, going to go for a swim.  On the beach, he saw the cutest family.  Cupid and Bliss were stretched out enjoying the sun and Aphrodite was teaching Bliss' wife to surf on the sand.  He waved at them and waded out, diving right in.  The water was a wonderful feeling seventy degrees and there weren't any annoying fish to come nibble on exposed bits around there.

Aphrodite giggled.  "Have fun, cutie," she called.  She went back to teaching Migrid how to surf.

***

Oz stepped off the ship and looked around.  They had scanned from orbit, and found that their husbands actually seemed to have things well in hand.  There was power running to the house, a barn going up on the next island, and a small farm being built on the souther point of the main continent.  It didn't lessen the frustration at moving, but it was nice not to walk into automatic problems.  He nearly smiled when he saw a naked Xander running toward them, but Methos shoved him out of the way.  "They have animals, go wear out some frustration by slaying one for dinner," Oz suggested as he started walking to meet his husband half-way.  He picked Xander up, swinging him around.  "This had better be the final move," he warned before taking a kiss.

Xander tipped them over into the tall grass, kissing his husband deeply.  "You're right, it will be."

Methos shook his head as he looked around. "Ray?" he called.

"Barn!" Xander called between kisses.  "Building it."  He squeaked.  "Oz!"  He smacked the firm chest.  "All the lube's at the house."

Methos shook his head and headed for the bridge they had seen from orbit.  He found Ray walking carefully across it so he waited at the end, arms crossed, watching his mate as he moved.  Ray was limping.

"It was a cow, they're evil," Ray told him as soon as he was all the way across.  He hugged his husband gently.  "Can you milk a cow?"

Methos shuddered.  "Why do you have to have cows?"

"And sheep, horses, a few off-world type animals, and a barn that's frustrating me," Ray finished with a grin. "Cool, huh?"

Methos shook his head.  "If you say so.  Farming is not a way of life that I particularly enjoyed."

"Hey, you can always help Xander add on to the temple."  Ray stole a kiss.  "Come see my horses?  I begged very nicely and Xander gave them to me."

Methos allowed himself to be dragged across the surprisingly sturdy rope bridge to go look at the horses.  He would do nearly anything for Ray, even milk another cow.

***

Xander looked around at his island, his paradise, his sanctuary.  It was nearly perfect, if only the wind would blow *the other way* from the barn.  He giggled at his thoughts; they weren't so bad, once you got used to the snot and the mess they created.   He looked up as a ship started to land, frowning at the registry.  It wasn't anyone they knew.  "Oz?  Incoming!" he yelled.  Methos joined him on the front stoop.  "Do you know them?"

"Not a clue," Methos told him, putting an arm around Xander's shoulder.  He looked at the people walking off the ship.  "Farmers?" he guessed.

Xander shrugged and walked up with his lover.  "Hey," Xander said, waving.  "Who're you?"

The man who had walked off first smiled at him.  "Didn't you put a call out for farmers?"  Xander nodded.  "That's us.  Thirteen families, all ready to set up by ourselves."

Xander grinned.  "That's so cool.  Okay, let's go look at the map.  I've already got probable land boundaries drawn up."  He nodded back at the house.  "Besides, we're presently roasting a cow and we won't eat all of it."  He and Methos strolled back to the house.  "Isn't that neat?"

Methos smiled at him.  "I'm sure you're enjoying being the feudal lord," Methos agreed.  This life suited Xander.  He was more relaxed and playful than he had been since the aliens had been met.   If only they didn't have to deal with the animals themselves.  He hated milking animals.  Though, Xander had suggested that they import a milking system from Earth.  He opened the door, letting the farmers walk in first.  "Oz, visitors," he called.  "Put on clothes."

The head farmer laughed.  "We don't mind.  Being one with the land is great.  A few of our girls might hit on them, but as long as you're fine with it so are we."

"We're gay," Xander told him.  "All four of us."

"I'm not quite sure where I fit, I prefer a person instead of their genitals," Daniel told him as they walked out onto the back porch.  "Oz went to put on an apron."  He shook hands.  "The map's behind you on the wall.  The red boundaries set out a ten or fifteen acre tract.  We laid it out with the engineer who has the first farm.  He also set up the irrigation system where needed."  He pulled Xander down and dropped a towel in his lap.  "They've got kids," he explained when he got pouted at.  "Ray's out talking with the portal guy."

"Cool. Then we won't have to pay major shipping charges for ships," Xander agreed.  He waved at the map.  "Does that suit you guys?"

"It seems fine, but we'll have to look at the land."

"We've got one environmentally friendly flying cart that you can borrow.  We've got another one on order for your community.  And you won't even have to see us except at harvest times."

The lead farmer smiled at him.  "You're satisfied to live over here?"

"I like the peace and quiet," Xander told him.  "And if I need excitement, I'll be able to go to the mall soon."

The lead farmer nodded.  "Okay with us then."  He pointed at the temple. "Are we expected to worship with you?"  Xander shook his head.  "If I may ask?"

"I worship the Greek pantheon, and a few of the off-world pantheon that we first ran into.  If you wanted to set up your own shrines, I don't care as long as you're not zealots and you don't bother us with it."

"No, we won't force our faith on you," the leader farmer agreed.  "Our faith is our own.  We've got enough within our community to worship as we please."

Daniel handed over a copy of the laws he had been working on.  "This is the preliminary copy of the laws as we have them so far.  Pretty standard, put in plain English, and you'll see that they follow the American system mostly."

"You'll notice that there's no place for prisons," Oz said as he walked out wearing a pair of shorts.  Xander gave him a smile. "Couldn't find my apron, must still be packed."  He walked over to the barbeque pit he had dug.  "For serious offenses, we talked with the Space Marines and they'll be handling them.  For minor things, we've set up annoying and embarrassing penance."  He looked at the farmers.  "As for education, you'll be setting that up on your own and responsible for holding that up too."

The farmers gathered around to read it, generally agreeing.  One apparently didn't like something and he left the group to go back to the ship.  The rest of them held a small conference, then told their leader something.  "I think we can agree to that," he said cautiously.  "You're not going to suddenly add things?"

"Only if they become necessary," Xander told him with a small smile.  "Guys, I'm a pampered and spoiled love slave.  I'm not going to do more work than I have to."  A few of the wives laughed.  "So, no, that's about it.  We decided to put everything forward at once so you could make an informed decision. We're not mean, not cruel, and not out to get everything that you've worked for.  We just want to live in peace and be happy.  If you can live with that, then it's all good to us.  That's our contract on the back, and our rules are pretty simple so far.  We don't see any use of putting up more barriers.  You guys get to live your lives with very little interference.  We get to live our lives of luxury and splendor without being barged in upon and having to do more than take care of the animals.  Your fees will solve all the fees with a little expense on our part for now, you guys get to keep more than enough to make a profit yourselves.  We get to run around naked and have orgies whenever we want to and you guys don't have to watch," he finished with a smile.  One wife burst out laughing.  "That's what we want.  If you can handle it and don't turn out to be a funky cult that kills people for their God, then we're all good.  Sign and we'll show you the lands."

The farmers all laughed.  "Have you ever seen such a cult?"  Xander and Oz both nodded.  "Really?" their leader asked.  Xander nodded again.  "Where?"

"Sunnydale, California."

"Oh." They looked at the rest of the group, then shrugged and nodded.  "Let us go see the land, make sure it's fertile."

"Deal.  The cart's out by the barn.  Please don't ding it, I've only recently gotten it back together again" Methos told him.  He watched as they walked out to go look at the lands, taking the map with them.  "Do you think we'll have more problems?"

"Probably not.  It's a pretty simple plan that works well with few people involved," Oz told him.  "The feudal system worked as long as the taxes weren't too high and the Lord wasn't an asshole.  We can do that."  He smiled at Xander.  "Did you mix that rub?"  Xander nodded, giving him a happy look.  "You're really satisfied with this life?"

"I like it so far," Xander told him.

"Then it's cool.  We'll start to unpack stuff later tonight." Methos glared at him.  "What?  Most of it's your stuff."

"I'm sure we'll be adding a storage building soon if we decide to unpack everything."

"We might want to put a small shack up anyway," Xander noted.  "They're bringing Giles up here."

"Oh, crap," Methos sighed.  Xander gave him a hug.  "Are we expecting a miracle reunion?"

"No, but Discord and Hecate said he could help build the library onto the temple.  I told them I'd think about forgiving him when he put forward a real apology and learned that I'd kill him the next time."

A new goddess appeared, one that most of them didn't know.  "Hestia," Oz said with a nod.  "Here to push for a reconciliation or just to check out the view and the house?"  He cut off some of the cooked cow and held out the plate.  "First meat?"

She smiled at him, taking the plate.  "Thank you, Oz."  She sat down, looking at the other men.  "I do have to say that this is a nice place, though it would be better if there was harmony in the home."  She nibbled on the meat, smiling at Oz.  "Still quite the cook."

He nodded.  "I have to be, only Methos cooks among the four of us."

"Five," she corrected.

"He cheated on us," Xander told her.  "If he had asked, we might have given him permission, but he went behind our back with one of our friends, who we don't speak with often either, and used professionals to wear out his excess energy.  I gotta say, I'm still pissed."

Hestia sighed.  "I understand that what he did hurt you badly, Xander, but he does deserve another chance.  He's followed all your wishes since that affair."

Xander slumped a little.  "I'll listen to him, but I'm not allowing him back into my bed yet.  I'm not ready to deal with more than a mental relationship with him."  She nodded. "That's okay with you?"

"As long as you truly listen to him.  He is very sorry.  He even sent me an hour-long prayer hoping for a reconciliation."  She handed the plate back to Oz while she stood, then took it back again. "Thank you for the wonderful dinner.  I believe I'll share it with Strife, he's been such a naughty boy recently."  She smiled and disappeared, taking the plate with her.

Oz looked over at Xander.  "A mental relationship?"

"Doing the talking thing."

"Ah."  Oz nodded, turning back to baste some more of the meat.  "Some of it's done."

Methos stood up to get some for he and Xander.

***

Ray looked at the big human-looking demon.  If he hadn't been light orange, he might have passed for a Schwarzenegger clone.  Well, except for the nerdly glasses.  Thick black frames adorned his light orange face.   "So, can we do this here?" he asked, pointing at the natural round opening to a small, dead-end cave.

The portal maker looked around the opening.  "This would be a wonderful place," he squeaked. "Directly tied into the earth to ground the energy. Small working area.  Nothing that could come from the back."

"Yeah, we're going to fill it in and stuff," Ray told him.  "It won't be active all the time, right?"

"Nah," the demon told him, smiling.  "I'll put in a keystone to activate it.  One to the demon bazar, so the heir can get to wherever he wants to go, and one to the mall up here, which I've got to say blew my mind.  I've never seen a shopping mall that big."  He opened a book and took out a stylus, working on the portal.  "We're going to need a large gemstone of jewelry quality."  He looked at Ray.  "That shouldn't be a problem, but we'll need one at least of a hundred carats."  Ray nodded.  "And I can set it up right here, tying it into the normal portals that both areas have up."

Ray nodded.  "Cool.  I'll go tell Xander and we'll be right back with it."

"It'll take me a few hours. Don't rush, you have time to snog."  He grinned and went back to his equation.

Ray mounted his horse and rode off, heading back to the barn and then the house.  "We can get to both portals," he said as he walked through the house.  "The guy can add us to both portal systems."

"Cool," Xander said with a smile. "Will it cost us anything?"  Ray shrugged.

"We should probably check," Methos pointed out, pulling his Ray down to hug.

"I'll do it," Oz said, heading in to use the new communication gear that their engineer had set up first thing. "Hey," he said the person who answered.  "I need to talk to someone about us setting up a portal to you guys and the cost of it?"

Oz walked out a few minutes later.  "Well, bad news is that we'll owe money, but the good news is that it's about the same cost as ship's passage for a single trip one way."  He cleared his throat to break up the kissing.  "It'll be enough, but not a lot."

"Cool," Xander breathed, running a hand down Methos' stomach.  "Hurry back?" he suggested with a grin.

"We'll need a hundred carat or bigger stone," Ray told them.  "It'll be a switching key."

"We can do that too," Oz agreed, looking at Xander.  "Your private stash is where?"

"I'll get it," Xander sighed, climbing off his buddies of fun to walk into the house.  He chose the stone carefully, going with a large rose quartz someone had given him a long time ago.  "Use this if possible, if not, use this," he said, handing over a large diamond.  "If they won't work, have him come look himself."

Oz nodded as he walked out, going to hike to the portal site.  He didn't want to go through the bother of saddling a horse to go this time.  When he got there, he held out the rose quartz.  "Or you can have this one."  He held up the diamond.

"The quartz, it's more connected to the earth and you've got a good crop of it around here."  He held the diamond.  "That's really pretty, can you get him to make something out of it?"  He drew one last symbol and stepped back as the portal opened onto the demon bazar.  He set the stone into the side of the cave, next to the portal, and waved a hand over it. "Okay, one touch, the demon bazar, the second touch, the mall."  He changed it by poking the center of the stone twice.  It changed to the mall, and a guard standing there.  Oz tossed over the diamond.  "Hefty price," the demon sighed.

"It's actually the same as passage on a ship to get there, one way," Oz told him.  He looked at the human on the other side.  "That okay enough for the next few years passage?"

The alien holding the stone nodded.  "More than.  We'll send you an account of how long this will buy you.  Thank you, Mr. Osbourne."  The portal closed.

"Wow," the demon told him.  "Way cool that everyone knows you."  He closed his book.  "I'm all done here.  My fee?"  Oz looked confused.  "A sheep, man, I want me some lamb tonight."  He grinned brightly, showing off his teeth.

"Go for it, I hate those beasts," Oz told him.  "It's one less Ray and I have to milk."

The demon laughed, teleporting away.  He came back a moment later carrying a very fluffy sheep.  "Thanks, man.  You've got a really nice herd going."  He winked and opened the portal to the demon plane, heading across it quickly.  "Laters and all that."  The portal closed.

Oz turned and walked back to the house.  Everything would be fine now that Xander could escape and go shop.

***

It was their one year anniversary and everyone was slightly high on the local champagne.  It was really good, but pretty strong.  One of the most profitable exports so far.  Methos poured a little more into Ray's glass, finishing off the bottle.  "We'll need another," he complained.

"We've got another two downstairs," Xander told him as he sipped from his glass.  "I'm happy," he said, turning to look at Oz.  "Are you happy?"

"Happy enough," Oz agreed.  "I can't think of many things that would make me happier."

Xander wrapped himself around Oz's body. "I'm getting you an automatic milking system with this year's profits," he whispered in his husband's ear.

"Then I'm ecstatic and there's nothing that'll pull me from this planet," Oz said dryly.  He nibbled on the tempting neck.  "Wanna go have some private fun?"

Above them, a ship landed.  A woman walked out, smiling and waving at them.  "I'm here to take over," she called.

Xander pulled Ray's gun, he used it to scare off local predators from his herds, and pointed it at her.  "You're not getting our planet!" he called.  "Go away before we hurt you!"  He giggled.  "And I'm an *excellent* shot."

Ray nodded.  "It took him a while to learn, but he is a crack shot."  He looked her over.  "Isn't that the bitch who kidnaped us from the mall?"

Daniel looked up from his seat on the lounger he had drug out.  "Yup."  He stood up, taking his sword out from under the chair, and walked up to her.  "We're not signing anything over to you, and we're not leaving."  He smiled.  "Go away before one of us gets violent."

"Surely you don't think this life suits you," she said scornfully.

Danny shrugged.  "I like it.  They like it.  You're dead in about thirty seconds.  Leave."  She started to pull something and he took her hand off.  "I tried to tell you."  Men rushed out of the ship.

Xander sprinted over, allowing himself to be grabbed, but he fought back.  The men were soon groaning.  "Put her in with the animals," he told them. "I'm calling someone."  He walked unsteadily to the house.  "And fuck with the ship, Ray."  Ray had a talent for making advanced equipment not work.  He had tried to fix the cart and it was still in pieces.  Xander dialed the local division of the Space Marines, smiling at the man who answered.  "You were right, they tried.  One's missing a hand, a lot of them are in pain, and we're putting them into a smelly and dirty cave.  Would you like them or can we make them sacrifices to our God of War?  I'm sure he'll appreciate making them suffer too."

The Marine laughed.  "We'll be over tomorrow.  Make sure none of them die."  He signed off.

Xander turned and grinned drunkenly at Methos as he walked in.  "They'll come for them tomorrow."   Methos handed over a paper. "What's this?"

"Part of the forms you signed.  It gives them the right to come offer you a way out, as it so blandly says," he told him.  He gave his lover a hug.  "But we'll fix it."

"We warned them," Danny said as he walked in.  "They should have listened.  They're in the cave."  He smiled at the cute twosome.  "Are you two going to have sex?  I only need to know if I should hide."

Xander looked up at Methos, who nodded. "Yup, but we'll probably lean toward a comfy resting spot.  Have fun with your ruin rubbings."  He led Methos into the living room and pushed him onto a sofa.  "I want some of this," he said as he slid down the equally naked body.  He was still lubed from earlier and it was all good.

THE END.

Table of Contents

Bad Timing. 2

Furry Thoughts On Life. 13

A Holy And Righteous Cause. 23

The Plan. 40

Setting Up Love Nests. 61

A Few Minor Adjustment Problems. 70

That Old Spoiling Mood. 95

Taking Care of Business. 116

Bastard! 128

The Troubles Of A Bored Xander. 133

Money Matters. 155

Going Off Into New Directions. 160

GHS in Space. 172

GHS in Space 2: Own Personal Hell. 198

GHS in Space 3: Hairballs! 223

GHS in Space 4: Ferret Rule. 239

Gods, Why Me?. 302

And He Dances On. 332

Happy Squeals. 358

Visiting the Buddies. 375

On The Way Home. 392

They're Here! 423

The End Is Near. 466