Contents

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Family Negotiations.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services: The Consequences of Willow.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Temper, Temper.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Personal Matters.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  A Play Day on Base.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  The King of DCIS Gathers Information.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Booms and Babes

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Big Moves

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Playing Make Up and Wed.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Captain Improbable.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  The End Jury.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Family Negotiations.

DCIS House Bunny

Thursday, December 4, 2008 6:03 PM

From: "Danyella Silverfire"

Why do I have this thought of House getting personally involved with a DCIS case and the
demons being... confused, awed, respectful of him?
Danyella Skyler Silverfire

Xander looked up as the request hit his desk from their deputy director.  He glanced over it.  "Why me, Fargo?  Usually Danny and Don go on anything diplomatic."  He looked at the other young guy.  Fargo was only a few years older than him.  "Usually I'm the one they send on the 'oh, shit, grab a weapon' cases."

Fargo smiled but shrugged.  "I don't know.  They said to bring the Knight and his adoptive father."

"Adoptive father?" he asked, looking confused.

"House," Stella said from her seat.  She smiled.  "The one you go to for advice and things, Xander."

"Oh.  Okay.  I guess."  He looked it over.  "Should I bring weapons?"

"No clue," Fargo admitted.  "Would that look wrong in a diplomatic mission?"

"Depends on the species," Xander admitted, going to look them up in the library.  Thomas took the paper from him.  "Do I bring weapons?"

"Don't you always?" he asked patiently.  He looked then nodded, handing it back.  "They're a warrior clan, Xander.  They would probably expect lesser weapons.  No artillery probably but perhaps your axe or a sword?"

"Thanks, Thomas.  Have I mentioned you're my favorite watcher this week?"  He grinned.  "Dress clothes?"

"Pack something you can get dirty in.  Sometimes their celebrations include tests of strength or mock battles."  Xander nodded, heading out.  Thomas smiled at the boy's back.  Perhaps he'd stay with DCIS instead of moving to the Council's new headquarters.  He did seem to enjoy the roving chaos they brought to his life.  Plus some very interesting research topics as well.  That one demon trapped in a wormhole was a fascinating topic he was helping Dawn research.

Xander walked into the infirmary.  "House, they wanted us to go on a diplomatic mission."  Chase broke out in cackles.  "They're a warrior clan and they decided he's like my adoptive father," he said with a pout.

"I'm trying to imagine House with tact," he said through his current bout of snickering.

"I can when I want to use it," House said, glaring at his minion.  "Just for that, you get to go do the flea and health checks for the unicorns."

"I already did them since I know you wouldn't take a rectal temperature without enjoying it," he shot back.  He pointed at the folder.  "There."

"Crap, I need a new bad assignment then."

"Dawn's got to do her physical for college and one of the slayers ate something orange that's given her literally explosive diarrhea.  As in it blew up the bench she was sitting on," Xander offered with a grin.

"I'll go figure out what she ate," Chase said, walking off shaking his head.

Xander let him see the request.  "Stella said that was you because I come to you for advice."

House nodded.  "You're snarky enough to be my kid."

"Remember that multi-Xander day?  You were one of them's favorite uncle," he teased.

"Yes I was.  I can see why too."  He bopped the kid on the arm.  "What should I bring?"

"Thomas said they're a warrior clan.  He suggested I bring my axe, a few other light weapons, and stuff to get dirty in just in case the wedding and negotiation includes some mock battles and stuff."

"I can pack that and good clothes," he decided.  "Shoo, send back that we'll be there tomorrow."  Xander bounced off to do that and then go pick out what he wanted to bring.

Jack, in the armory, watched Xander look at the swords before pulling down one down and his battle axe.  "Are we going to have a bad case?"

"House and I got invited to be diplomats and help a warrior clan with an upcoming wedding negotiation.  Thomas said I should bring them just in case.  Got any reloads for the service pieces done?"

"Sure do."  He got him a few filled clips and handed them over with another box of bullets.  Xander gave him a quick hug with a back slap then walked off to finish his packing.  He got a revolver for the doctor, walking down to give it and the spare bullets to him.  "Just in case you need it for Xander to shoot your way out, Doc."  He walked off again.

"Thanks.  At least I can use this type.  Got any spare daggers?"

"A whole drawer full," Jack shot back as he got onto the elevator.  "With sheathes."  The door closed and he shook his head.  Doctors going armed was just strange to him.  Then again, this was DCIS and that was Doctor House.  Both were very strange most of the time.  He found the daggers and pulled out the carrying sheathes.  House stomped in, his cane tapping.  "Need a new tip?"

"I can do that tonight."  He picked out two and a wrist sheath plus a waist holster then walked off to do his own laundry and packing.

Jack put things back up, still looking amused when John Winchester walked in.  "House and Xander are being sent to a warrior clan on a diplomatic mission."

"Do they need a slayer?"

"I hope not but Xander was happy that they might want to pet his weapons."

John just nodded.  "We'll make sure they don't need a slayer then.  Usually Xander only does big things that get rumors started about him."  He went to check with the boy, being handed the request.  "No slayers?"

"Probably not.  It's a diplomatic thing, John.  They wanted House too."

John gave him an awkward pat on the back.  "Try for tactful, kid.  Even if he can't, you can.  You learned how to be slippery-minded from Dean."  He walked off shaking his head.

"I wasn't before?" Xander asked himself.  He went back to his packing.  He had taken one of the portal bags from the armory for his weapons.  It fit nicely in his backpack of supplies.  Including some food and water in case they didn't eat things humans could stomach.  He heard a muted explosion and leaned off his balcony, looking down there.  "Did you eat the same stuff Steph did?" he demanded.

Mary grinned up at him.  "Nope.  I was just playing around."

"Explosives aren't a toy," he said firmly.  "You can blow your damn hand off!  Go get Jack to teach you how to do that right, Mary!"

"Which one?"

"Either.  O'Neill was special forces.  I'm sure he knows how to lay a charge."  She skipped off to the armory.  Xander pulled back in shaking his head.  Sometimes that girl was really too strange for words.  He wondered about bringing another bag but he decided it would look like he was a traveling princess so House would make fun of him.

***

Mary smiled at the grumpier Jack.  "Hi, Jack."  He flinched, looking at her.  "Xander yelled because I blew up a stump.  He said I had to come let you teach me how to do it properly before I blew my damn hand off."

Jack stared at the miniature slayer.  "You're only twelve, Mary."

"I know that."  She beamed.  "I'm more than old enough to learn how to play with dynamite."

"I didn't learn until I was twenty-five."

"Yes, but you're a *boy* and not a slayer," she said, liking her logic.

He stared at her.  "So's your watcher.  Would he agree?"

"I don't know.  Gibbs is off with his older charge."

Jack sighed, looking at her.  "Would John agree?"

"Dean said he could lay C-4 when he was sixteen.  Since he's a *boy* too and not a slayer, I should be able to learn sooner than him.  Just in case we need me to."

"There's four other explosives experienced people on base," he told her.  "Why would we need the mini-slayer society to have to learn explosives?"

"Because you're all men and therefore inferior beings to girls?" she suggested.

"I can spank you," he said blandly.

"No you can't."

"Yes I can."

"Nah-uh.  Gibbs would get you back."

"He'd agree with me.  Call him and make sure."  Watchers had the final word.  "And get Wesley's permission too."  Because Wesley could overrule Gibbs.  Though he might not.  Wesley had been warped by Xander for years.

She huffed but called his phone.  "Jethro, Jack in the armory said I had to make sure you agreed he could teach me explosives.  Xander said to have him teach me so I didn't blow off my damn hand blowing up another stump."  She grimaced.  "That was a quote," she said.  She rolled her eyes.  "I'll do them in a few minutes.  Can I learn?"  She started to bounce.  "Please?"

Jack took the phone.  "She said those who already knew are men and therefore inferior to her being a slayer."  He swatted her like Gibbs ordered.  "From him."  She pouted.  "That's what I think too.  Didn't sound too bad.  About like the one who farted on the bench and blew it up earlier."  He nodded.  "That's fine.  Thanks, Gibbs."  He hung up.  "He'll discuss it with you tonight.  Go do your PT punishment."  She huffed but went to do that.  He shook his head, texting Wesley just in case.

Wesley walked in a few minutes later.  "I wouldn't mind the older girls and those who are patrol cleared by Dean learning but no, she's a bit too young and too wild.  If you had the time, could you?"  He walked off again before Jack could answer.  "Mary, you're too young," he called as he walked.  "You must be patrol cleared to learn explosives.  No more playing with them either or I shall have Jethro spank you until you beg for mercy."  He went to get some tea then go back to his duty of calming Giles down from his panicking.    He had no idea what he was doing with the new Slayers Council building.

"I bet I can get Rodney's John to help me learn," she pouted as she did her pushups.

"Fat chance," Dean called.  "I can read lips.  You've got another twenty."  She sulked but did them.  Dean's word was law too.  At least until she was older and could kick his butt.  Then she could learn all sorts of neat stuff.

***

Xander bowed to their hosts.  "You requested us to come help negotiate?"

"We did.  We have some who wanted to have you be the impartial judge of worth."  He led them to a room.  "This is yours while you're here."  Xander and House both nodded.  There were two beds that looked a bit comfortable so that was fine.  "Come, we are sitting down now."  He led them on once they had dropped their bags on their bed.  Well, Xander had dropped his bag, House had dropped his on the same bed then moved Xander's to the other bed.  It was most amusing.  He led them into the meeting area, watching as they both bowed to the people in there.  It was kind of them.  They sat in the seats he pointed at.  "This is my daughter Mariscka."

"Well met," Xander greeted, making her smile.  "Your intended's family?"

"I wish for this one, Father."

Xander shook his head.  "No, I'm sorry.  I'm not going to marry anyone."  She sulked at him.  "Among humans, it's not done to marry before getting to know the person, or else we regret it."

"There are many human societies that have arranged marriages," House told him.  "Ours is not one."

"But I'm a good warrior, I can help him with his duties at the base and hunting."

Xander considered her.  "I still have not gotten to know you."

"It's because I'm a demon."

"No, I nearly married Anya.  I also lived with her for a bit and dated her for over a year before that step."  She slumped.  "I'm honored, but unless I got to know you, I would not feel comfortable with that step.  Beyond that, if I did, I might lose the respect of those whose opinions I care for."

"The Winchesters would hate you dating a demon?" her father asked.

"They wouldn't mind as long as it's a good relationship.  John talked with Anya when we started back up again because he didn't think she was sure what she wanted and that a real relationship that wouldn't hurt either of us was going on.  In this case, he'd want the same thing."  He looked at her again.  "We all agreed any of us can date anything we want, as long as it's a good, healthy relationship.  Me suddenly appearing with a new wife that no one's met and gotten to know, that I haven't gotten to know, would breach that and make them lose respect for me.  And some of the other clans that we have to deal with on cases as well."

She smiled.  "I can understand that.  Would you consent to go on a date with me?"

"If you can work it around my cases, I have no problem with that."  He grinned.  "But you have to be aware that cases and the girls come first in my life.  I'm their big brother and the heavy hitter for bad cases."

"We have heard your reputation as the Slayer's Knight," she agreed.  "I can see that happening."

"Also be aware that regulations say that no spouse may work on the same team as their loved one," House told her.  She slumped again.  "That's so no one acts out of emotion instead of panicking when Xander's case starts to require artillery."

Xander looked at him.  "I haven't been hurt on a case like that in a while.  I seem to get hurt on the lesser cases for some reason."

House patted him on the back.  "That's because your mind's screwed up, Xander."  Xander rolled his eyes, making her family laugh.  "If she wanted to date him, have her show up at the base and meet the others.  We serve meals with everyone in attendance and have nice areas to walk in the woods if they wanted.  That would be a safe first date so no one would say anything."

The father nodded.  "That is a good idea."  He looked at his daughter.  "Do you wish to put this off until you're older and see if you can tolerate this one or go with the family's chosen one?"

She sighed.  "He's sweet."

"It's all the chocolate I eat," Xander said with a grin.

She blushed.  "That is a bad thing to our kind.  Very naughty, Knight."

"I might die without chocolate," he admitted, considering it. "I'd have to sneak and eat it now and then."  The other adults blushed at that.  "I need it sometimes."

"I can see why," her father agreed.  "Daughter, it is your choice."

"Fine, I will go with the family's chosen spouse for me."  She smiled at him.  "If I was not getting so old I would have taken the time but we only live so long as breeders, then we shell up and turn into warriors.  I'm about out of breeding time."

"I wish you much luck with your breeding.  I hope they're good future warriors for your clan."  She beamed.  "Do you still need us to negotiate?"  Her father nodded.  "We can do that."

"Why did you call for me?" House asked.

"If she had succeeded, he would need his father to negotiate for him," her father told him with a smile.  "If not, we'll need you to make sure he's healthy enough for breeding.  He's had his people examine him but we do not know them so we cannot trust them."

"I can understand that.  I need to do some reading on your physiology."

"He's human," the daughter told him.

"Then I can easily do that as long as you know you're compatible?"  She nodded, beaming.  "Good.  Then let's get on with screwing him over for future offspring."  She giggled, blushing again.  Her exoskeleton showed the blush very well, turning a bright scarlet instead of a muddier dark brown.  The human was led in.

Xander stared at him.  "You have a name?"

"Who're you?"

"DCIS Agent Harris.  This is Doctor House."  He sat down, staring at them.  "We're here to help with the negotiations.  I'm here to make sure it's fair."  He nodded at that, staring at her.  "What's your name?"

"Randall."

"Randall?"

"Jenks, sir."

"Okay."  He made note of that on the paper in front of him.  "I could not find information, which side pays the dowry?" Xander asked the father.

"We pay his family for breeding rights."

He nodded, making note of that as well.  "House, you want to look him over so we make sure we have a reason to negotiate?"

"I can do that."  He stood up and grabbed his cane, walking the young man off to a room one of the aunts showed him to.

"I had a physical."

"They wanted an independent one."

"Oh."  He stripped down, letting him look him over.  "I've got one child already so I'm not worried about not working."

"Do they know?"

"No."

"We'll have to work that into the agreement so you can still see them if the other parent agrees."  He nodded at that, smiling some.  "Do you still work?"

"Yes, sir."  He concentrated and got himself hard.

House stared at him.  "That doesn't mean you fully work."  He handed him a cup.  "Into it."  The guy blushed but did that.  He held it up to the light.  "Good amount, thick and healthy looking."  He sniffed.  "No obvious signs of diseases.  I'll have the sample and blood work run for you."

"What blood work?" he asked.  House pulled out a vial and needle.  He winced but let House draw some for him.  "Ow."

"Suck it up, kid."  He sent it off with the messenger demon the aunt demon summoned for him.  "To Chase, at DCIS's infirmary.  Tell him to text me results.  Full health check."  The demon nodded and disappeared.  "Okay, let's go."  He left, letting the guy follow him.  "I'm having blood and semen checked at our infirmary.  Chase will text me in a few hours."

"Thank you, Doctor House.  You are more thorough than we would expect."

"Everyone should have a physical and blood work before getting hitched.  That way there's no nasty surprises."  He looked at the boy.  "Tell her or I will."

"I have a daughter already.  I wish to keep seeing her if her mother agrees.  I'm not sure how she'd feel about me marrying you but I can and will tell her if you let me."

"I'd adore that," she agreed with a smile.  "You should keep in touch with your other child.  It makes you more worthy to be my mate."

Xander looked at him then at her.  "Will he need to learn how to fight or use a sword?"

"He'll be guarding our offspring at home," she told him.  "Not out fighting.  That would be my job once I change over."

"That's fine, just getting the facts straight for myself."  She beamed.  "In case it comes up again."  She clapped and gave him a hug.  The human glared at him.  "I am a hunter.  I do need to know these things since I have dated a demon in the past.  I'm not ruling out who I'll date next time."

"Who did you date before?" the human asked.

"I dated Anyanka when she lost her powers."  The man whimpered.  "We were starting to get back together again when she got them back but she wanted to play and I wanted a real relationship."

The man stared at him.  "You're insane!  She tortures men!"

"I'd never be that bad to anyone who was mine."

The man swallowed, looking at his future bride.  "You're not that mean, right?"

"No.  I'm a warrior of the first class but only unworthy ones would hurt those that belong to them."

"Good!"  He smiled.  She smiled back.  "Make the bride price the standard and I'll agree."

"So far we've got you at six thousand per child she bears," Xander said, looking at his notes.  "An extra four thousand if you give her twins as long as they're born healthy.  Another two if there's triplets since they're so rare."  He looked up.  "Pending you coming up healthy.  Plus the standard initial dowry of fifty thousand American dollars."

He nodded.  "That is good.  I will do my best to give her as many children as she wants."

She beamed.  "We only have six years before I change over."  He shrugged.  "Good.  Father, are there any other clauses?"

"Do we need to look over anything like a fidelity clause?" House asked.

"Once they are mated, he can only have her.  It works that way with us."  House nodded.  "We will adjourn this until you get the test results back.  Then we will sign any formal papers."  That got a nod and they went back to their room to rest.  He smiled at his daughter.  "If he had consented to a union, it would have been very prestigious for us."

"Plus he's hot, Father."

"He is very beautiful," he agreed.  "As is the older one."  She smirked but walked off humming.  She was near heat so this was a good time to get the union notarized and get on with it.  That way the first grandchild would happen soon.

A few hours later, House got the text and went to find the potential groom.  "We have to talk," he said quietly.  He gave him a horrified look.  He held up his phone.  The guy moaned.  "I don't know if it will matter to them but it is something you have to disclose.  I won't have my rep tanked because of that."

"It shouldn't matter."

"Then I'll tell her father, let him know."  He walked off, finding the family together.  The daughter spotted him and waved him to their table.  He nodded at her.  "May I have him for a minute?"

"He'll be my spouse."

"There's a question about something minor being harmful to your kind."

"Oh."  She left them to talk.  Hopefully it wasn't anything bad.

He sat down, pushing over his phone.  "He has an STD."

"What is that?"

"Sexually transmitted disease.  In this case, he's got syphilis.  I don't know if it would bother your kind or not.  In us it can cause infertility later on and sometimes madness and death.  So far it looks like it's early on since Chase didn't say his seed had been negative for motility."

The demon considered it, bringing his own healer over.  "Is this something that will harm us?"

He looked then considered it.  "He still works?" he asked House.  He texted that to Chase, getting back a 'yes' answer.  "Then it will make the children come out a lighter color and have a firmer shell.  It should not harm her and we cannot catch it.  The children would be watched but they would still be strong enough until he was fully sick."

"There's treatments to help take down symptoms," House offered.

"Those are lethal to us," the healer told him.

"Okay.  So I leave that up to you to discuss.  I did tell him and he said he didn't think it should matter.  He's in the hallway by our room pacing."

"Thank you for being so honorable, Doctor House.  Will you and the Knight be joining our festivities later on?"

He smiled.  "Xander was wondering what sort you were going to have.  He heard rumors of mock battles and things.  He even brought his axe in case you wanted to help him pet it."

The chief moaned.  "That weapon is one that is blessed to us after what it has helped face.  We would like to examine it later."

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind.  He calls it his baby about half the time."  He stood up.  "Let me get Xander if you're ready to go on."

"Please.  We may be adjusting his price downward some, but as long as it will not hurt her or the children I see no reason for it to not go on."  House nodded, leaving them to talk.  "I wish I had another daughter to see if he would like her," he told the healer.  "He would bring much status to the family."  The healer smiled and nodded.  "How low should we make his child price?"

"Cut the base price by a third, make it four thousand.  Make the twin price two and leave the triplet price alone since it's so rare."

"I can do that."  They gathered everyone together.  "Daughter, he is ill with a human disease that they get from sex.  Our healer has said it will not affect the child beyond giving it a harder shell and a lighter color."  She nodded at that, looking happier.  "Do you still want him?"

"Yes, Father.  He's still a good match."

"Fine, we'll have him but his prices are being cut."

She smiled.  "It'll save the family money to marry off my children once they're of age."  He smiled back and they went back to the table.  Xander and House walked in following the groom.  "We have talked and it does not matter to us," she told him.  "Our kind cannot catch that but it can infect the child a bit.  Make it a lighter color and affect the shell."

"Since that can happen, we'll be cutting down the child price," the father agreed.  "Four thousand per child, two extra per set of twins born healthy, and leaving the triplet price alone."

He considered it, looking at House.  "There are treatments."

"I told them that, they said it's lethal to them so you'd have to do it away from her if you did.  Even then, it'll only treat symptoms."

"The mother of my other child gave it to me," he admitted.  He looked at her, smiling at her.  "I still accept."

The father clapped.  "Then we'll celebrate while it's being drawn up and the priests are gathered."

Xander pulled his battle axe off his back, letting them see it.  "I heard you wanted to see my baby," he said with a grin.

The daughter moaned, taking it to look over.  "She is beautiful, Knight."

The groom looked at him.  "You use a battle axe?"

"And guns and swords and artillery.  That's been in a few very serious battles with me.  Including graduation."  She moaned again, tracing the faint carvings with a finger.  "I should sharpen her handle point later but the blades are useable."

"It's a beautiful weapon," she assured him.  The others gathered around to look it over.  She smiled at her groom.  "It was in the last battle in Miami, against that hell goddess."  He went pale.  "She has faced many battles at his side."  One of the guards came in and said something.  "Problems?  Are the priests already here?"

"Someone came here looking for the knight," he said.

Xander gave him a confused look.  "Problems on base?"

"A slayer."

"Here?" the father demanded, glaring at Xander.

He shrugged.  "I didn't bring one or set off my emergency beacon.  I have no idea why one's here.  Which one?"

"The youngest, Knight."

"She's only ten," he said, getting up to find her.  "Cordette, what are you doing here?"

She sniffled.  "I hate LA."

He gave her a hug.  "What's wrong?"  He sat down, making her stand in front of him.  That way they were nearly the same height.  "What's up?"

"I should be able to go to the mall by myself, right?"

He snorted.  "Hell no!  Dawn didn't get to go to the mall by herself until she was almost sixteen!  And that was alone.  She still had a chaperone if it was a date until she was seventeen."

She pouted.  "But she's normal and I'm a slayer.  I can handle myself better than she can."

He shook his head.  "You're still ten.  Ain't no way in hell, young lady."  She pouted.  "Tough.  What brought this pout fest on?"

"Alan said I wasn't old enough to go to the mall with my friends unless one of them went with us.  Their parents don't mind."

"Their parents obviously don't give a damn about their kids and also apparently want to be grandparents in the next few years.  Alan's smarter and nicer than that.  No, you're not old enough to go on group outings until you're probably fourteen."

She slumped.  "But I'm a slayer."

"So?"  He shrugged.  "You're still ten.  Being a slayer means you can beat up on someone but I doubt anyone who'd jump you at the mall would be a harmful demon.  Even in LA.  It'd be a human pervert and you couldn't kill them."  She sat down beside him.  "Did you tell anyone you were coming my way?"

"No.  They hate me.  They think I'm a baby."

He sighed, pulling out his phone to find the number.  "Hey, Charlie, Xander Harris.  I have Cordette pouting at me.  Teenage girl things a bit early.   No, I'm on a diplomatic mission with House.  Yes, that House.  They're a warrior clan.  They're cooing over my axe.  Anyway, we're having a talk about being around spoiled friends and things.  I'm letting you know since I doubt she left a note or anything; your father's got to be freaking out with your big brother."  She shook her head.  "Though she's saying they're not.  Yeah, that stuff.  I'll bring her back when I can.  Tell them we'll watch over her and spank her if she turns into the girls right after the First Evil battles."  He smiled.  "Thanks, man."  He hung up and looked at her.  "You're *so* getting it when you get home."

"They don't like me."

"Alan?  He wouldn't have adopted you and fed you all these  years if he didn't, Cordette."

"He was complaining that Miss Kitty was shedding."

"Cats do that.  Tara's new cat in Cleveland does that all over Giles' books and he complains but he doesn't mean anything by it.  Complaining is done by all adults sometimes, but it doesn't mean we dislike the creature."

She stared at him.  "He does."

"I'll ask him when we bring your tiny butt home for you, how about that?"

She nodded, resting against his side.  "I'm not sure I want to go back anyway."

"Why?" he asked patiently.

"My friends are mean sometimes," she said quietly.  "They think I'm a baby because Alan doesn't want me to go out by myself and things."

"You're *ten*.  There's no way in hell a good parent would let you out on your own at that young of an age, Cordette. If their parents do, I can gladly have a talk with CPS for them."  She shuddered so he calmed himself down.  "Tell me what's going on?"  She shrugged.  "No, don't shrug.  If it's bad enough that you ran away, you clearly need to talk about it with someone.  I make a good someone most of the time.  Or House is here if you wanted to talk to him.  Mary likes coming to him with questions."

She shook her head.  "It's nothing, Xander."

"Bullshit."

She looked up at him.  "How do you know?" she demanded.

He stared at her.  "You ran away."

"Oh."  She slumped against his side again.  "I guess it's getting to me.  Alan and them think I'm tiny and fragile.  My friends think I'm too fragile to do anything with them now because they won't let me out on my own.  Plus there's the kids at school."

"Who're saying what?" he asked.  She shrugged again.  "Have you talked to anyone else about this stuff?"

"Willow said kids pick on other kids."

"The last time I knew, Willow was encased in a crystal in the Elder's living room," he said blandly.  "Is she not?"

"She just got out."

"Gee, Leo, thanks for telling me," he yelled, looking up.   He looked at her.  "She's a shithead, Cordette.  Yes, there's some kids who pick on others.  Bullies exist because they have parents like mine were."  She let out a small grin.  "What?"

"You're still mad at her?"

He sighed.  "Yeah, I am," he told her.  "She might've been my best friend for a very long time but she did some things that were very harmful to me.  She nearly killed me."  She lost her grin.  "She screwed me up so badly I nearly left DCIS and you girls to go into hiding while I thought."  She slumped again.  "A lot of it was adult stuff that you don't need to know about but it was bad.  Very bad.  I still have nightmares about it.  Usually I only have them about graduation, the hellmouth battle, and Georgia."  She shuddered.  "Exactly.  So no, I don't think I'll ever forgive her for that.  Or for trying to have DCIS shut down for giving me a job and you girls a safe place to be."

She nodded.  "I guess I can understand that."  She squeezed his hand.  "She said it's normal that they're making fun of me because I don't see a point in liking boys and I'm not a gentle little girly girl."

He stared at her.  "Excuse me?  They're saying what?"

"Some of the girls are saying I'm a lesbian because I don't see a point in boys yet and because I'm not some delicate little girl who likes lace."

"Oh, we're going to be having a talk with them.  A very *long* talk with them," he assured her, giving her a squeeze.  "You're only a lesbian if you like girls, Cordette.  If you do, there's nothing wrong with it.  You know Amber is, right?"  She smiled and nodded.  "We see nothing wrong with that as long as whoever you eventually find is good to you.  Even if they're a good demon."  She gave him an awed look.  "Honestly.  As long as they're good to you."  She nodded, giving him a hug.  "C'mon, let's go talk to House.  Maybe he can clear up some of the idiots' bad ideas for you."

"So me not liking to crochet with the art class is okay?" she asked.

"I hate to crochet and only a few slayers like it.  Every girl is different.  Not every girl is a delicate little mousy thing.  Does Alan know about this?"

"He'd probably agree."  He smacked her on the head.  "Ow!"

"Good.  That's for the stupid thought."  He stared at her.  She grinned back.  "Yay.  He would not let them do that.  I know Alan won't.  You've handled enough on your own.  We'll be telling him while I yell at your teachers for you."  He stood up and pulled her up, walking her back that way.  "This one is getting married.  We've been helping her negotiate her wedding contract."

"I hope it's a happy one," Cordette said with a smile.  "I kinda ran away to have Xander straighten out my thinking."

She gave her a hug.  "It happens to all girls sometimes, young one."  Cordette grinned.  "Go talk with House.  He's got to be wise since the knight goes to him for advice."

"I will.  I didn't mean to intrude or panic anyone.  I'm sorry."

"It's fine.  It's a great honor on the family to have the knight or you here, slayer."  She beamed and walked over to House, tugging on his arm until he looked down at her.  She looked at Xander, who shrugged.  "Bad problems?"

"Bullying.  Stupid kids who need their asses kicked and their parents too," he told her.  He walked over to House, helping her.  "They decided she's old enough to go to the mall on group dates by herself."

"Oh hell no!" House told her.  She grimaced. "Tough.  You may be a slayer but you're still a ten-year-old girl, young lady.  Am I clear?  I am *not* going to have to deliver your child in a few years."

"Hopefully not until she's out of college," Xander agreed.  "We'll talk later.  I'm sure House can help me give you reasons why those other kids were wrong."

"Maybe, but maybe they're not.  I don't know why girls kiss boys and stuff."

"You're ten and you haven't hit puberty yet.  You're not supposed to know that stuff," House told her simply.

"My friends do."

"They need a social worker to save them then," he shot back.

She gave him a hug.  "You even sound like Xander."

He patted her on the back.  "We'll talk with your family and someone so they can help those kids."

"Yes, Doctor House."

"Thanks," Xander mouthed.  House smirked back.  He walked over to the other warriors, taking his axe from one that was swinging it.  "Like this," he said, showing him how.

Cordette snuck over and took it to try it out.  "Some day I'll have to borrow it for my great yearly apocalypses while the current potentials are still too young to be called."

"Some year," Xander agreed, showing her how to use it.  She beamed and the warriors were happy with her.  They showed her their weapons too since she seemed to like them.  It was a good celebration.  They even got together to mock battle.  Xander and the slayer were quite a good team.

***

Xander walked into the principal's office with a smile.  "Hi, I'm DCIS Agent Harris, Slayer's Council.  I need to talk to our slayer's teacher and the principal about some bullying problems she's been having.  Her father and big brother will be showing up soon."

"The teacher should be in her classroom.  It's after classes, sir."

"Thank you.  Which way to room ten?"  She pointed.  "Thank you."  He walked that way, turning on the tape recorder before he knocked.  "Ma'am, Slayer's Council.  I think we need to talk about some problems our youngest has had recently."

"What problems is that?"  She put down her pen.

"Some atrocious bullying by children who, frankly, I think CPS needs to talk to about their urgings toward sex at the tender age of ten.  Plus some more minor bullying about calling her a lesbian because she's not the most delicate of girls."

"It's clear to some of us," she said simply.

"Why?  Because crocheting bores her?"  He snorted.  "Plenty of real women are bored by those sort of activities and they still find wonderful men and marry.  Not that we care if she is or isn't, since she's too young to have any idea what a lesbian was until she looked it up."  The teacher went pale.  "She's ten.  Don't you think you and your little prozac minions saying that to her is a bit damaging to her psyche?"

"She's a too-tough little brat," she sneered.

"Hmm.  Why?  Because she can't crochet?  Because she can ride a horse?"  He sneered back.  "Lady, you have no idea how delicate that little girl is.  I just spent the weekend with her unscrewing what you and your little minions have done."  The principal came in.  "Good.  You can tell me why your teacher is letting and encouraging some of her students to call one of our slayers a lesbian and saying she's worthless because she's not old enough at ten-years-old to go out by herself yet."

The principal smirked at him.  "According to who?  We haven't had any such complaints."

"According to her and she has filed a complaint, madam.  She had a copy of the complaint form in her room.  I have it copied."  He pulled it out of his pocket and held it up.  She went pale.  "I see.  Then we'll wait for her adoptive parents to get here.  Shall we?"

"Who are you?" the principal asked.

"Slayer's Council, second in command, over the slayer's training."  He smirked.  "Also known as DCIS Agent Xander Harris."  She sat down next to her teacher at that.  "I should also tell you that I have alerted CPS that those girls, who are the same age, have been going out to grope their boyfriends at the mall.  Ten-year-olds should not be doing that.  That's a bit young, don't you think?"  Alan walked in.  He handed over the form, staring at him.

"This is what's been wrong?"

"That and her friends have been pressuring her to go out on her own even though she's not old enough yet.  They've been groping their boyfriends on those trips to the mall."  Alan growled.  "The teacher and her little drug horde minions have been calling her a lesbian.  She had to look it up.  She's a bit traumatized.  House and I had to talk to her about what that meant and how she wouldn't figure that out until after she hit puberty and how it was perfectly fine for her not to know why girls kissed boys at her age."

"She's got to be.  She doesn't fit in with our girls at all.  The girls here are delicate," the teacher sneered, standing up.  "I won't have you accusing me of things."

Xander stared at her.  "I can arrest you," he offered.  She flopped back down.  Don walked in.  He looked at Alan again.  "I'm all for letting her handle it on her own.  Up to the point where she ran away because this was stressing her out."

"I agree.  I thought it was minor stuff and she had handled it, Xander."

Xander shrugged.  "It's cool, Alan.  I know you're a good parent.  I also know that this is beyond that point."

"I agree."  He looked at the teacher.  "You called my daughter a what!" he demanded.  Don took the form to read over then growled at them.  "Down, Don."

"I did tell CPS on her friends since they've gotten to groping and their parents don't seem to give a damn," Xander told him.  "She gave me first names and in the report I mentioned they all went to school here."  He pulled out a card.  "This is the one I talked to earlier about this matter."

Don smirked.  "Thanks, Xander.  I think we can add to that if they need us to."

"Welcome.  Alan, do you want to keep her here in this obviously mediocre school?"

"It's one of the best academically in the city."

He walked over to Cordette's cubby against the wall, pulling out something to give to him.  "From the teacher.  That looks like the test they'll be taking in a few months for the state to me."

He looked it over.  "You're letting them cheat!" he demanded.  "How dare you!"

Xander handed Don the tape recorder.  "We do pay for private school if she needs it."  Don smirked.  "I'll be damned.  I don't want that little girl hurt.  I'm very proud of myself that I gave House my service piece.  By the way, Charlie has her.  She and Larry were talking about bullies since I mentioned they might have a talk about it.  Since I'm sure Charlie had his share of them."

"Yeah, he did, but nothing like this."

"Oh, she said Willow said bullying happened to everyone sometime."

"Good to know she's out."

"No one told me either.  I'm going to see why later."  He smirked.  "I'll let you know."

"Please."  Alan looked at him.  "Are you all right?"

"I heard and started to get phantom pains in my arm again."  He looked at the teacher.  "I want her license.  Anyone else?"  They nodded.  "Good."  He found a number in his phone.  "Sam, Xander Harris.  Yes, I know you're probably very busy but you're the most highly educated geek I know.  One of our slayers, Cordette, she's in a school where the female teacher is encouraging some of the students to call her a lesbian because she's not a girly girl.  Of course I knew you were back from your last assignment.  Rodney told me."  He smirked.  "Exactly.  How would I go about protesting her licensing and the school?"  He made notes on a piece of paper.  "Good.  No, but we did find evidence that the teacher was giving the students the answers for the upcoming state exams.  Yup," he said dryly.  "Please do.  No, I'm proud of myself.  House has my service piece," he said blandly.  "With Charlie.  Talking about bullies.  Because the teacher agreed she should be allowed to go to the mall by herself at age ten to meet with boys."  She shrieked at that.  "Can I get a bit of help with that one?  Thanks, Sam.  Call Danny, he's been missing you."  He hung up.  "Sam Carter."

"The astrophysicist that makes Charlie drool?" Don asked.  "Because she's got his size brains?"

"Yeah.  She's back for some meetings."  He smirked.  "She'd know about those sort of things too."

"Good!  It's good to get help," Alan decided.  He sneered at them, done with his ranting for now.  He had a good one while his son and Xander talked.  "We'll be withdrawing Cordette immediately to a better school that gives a damn about their students."

Someone knocked then walked in.  "Captain," Don said with a smile.  "Fast trip."

"Dawn helped."  She smirked.  "What happened?"  Xander held up the test form.  "Really?"  She nodded.  "I've got someone coming in a few minutes, Xander."

"Let me gather the rest of Cordette's things," Alan offered.  "She's with Charlie, Xander?"

"Yeah, I figured he had a bad time with bullying for a bit since he was so young when he started college.  She and Larry were talking about it."

"That's fine.  I'll make sure she knows she can tell me later."

"Her thing about not telling you was the going out alone thing," Xander told him.  He shrugged.  "They were pushing and she was getting some stress.   You told her how to handle bullies and it got worse."

"Charlie had the same problem.  I'll make sure she can talk to me and to leave a note next time."

"That's why I called Charlie, Alan.  To make sure you got told where she was.  She had a lot of fun at the wedding.  Oh."  He pulled a DVD out of his pocket, holding it up for Don with a grin.  "It was a warrior type of demon family wedding.  They had mock battles.  We teamed up for three of them.  They were highly impressed and she got in a lot of weapon petting time during it."  The principal sneered at that.  He let Don have it.  "That's your copy.  So you guys can tell her how good she did even though she did trip that one time."  He looked at the principal.  "Our slayers are girls who can fight but also do more delicate things.  Or else she wouldn't be able to ride side saddle."  He kissed Sam on the cheek.  "Remember to call Danny.  He's been pouting at Jack again."  He winked and left it to them.

"We'll watch that after dinner," Alan said.  "Then we'll ground her tiny butt for the next month for running away."

"She did?" Sam asked.

"She got overloaded and went to find Xander," Don told her.

"That's not a bad thing."

"No, she was safe.  It's still not right of her to run away and not talk to us," Alan said.  "It's good he's as overprotective as I am about my kids."

"I might be able to help since I'm a slayer too," Sam offered.  Her friend came in.  "Does this look familiar?" she asked.

"That's the test we have coming up next month.  Where did you get this?" she demanded.

Alan smirked.  "They gave it to my daughter.  They've also been encouraging bad behavior, bullying, and other problems.  There's a social worker already involved as well."

"Good!" she growled, stomping over to talk to them.

Sam grinned.  "When should I come over after dinner, Alan?"

"You can come for dinner.  I can cook enough for two slayers, Samantha."

She smiled.  "I wasn't going to impose."

"Morgan and Crissy are coming for dinner.  So's Connor and Gunn," Don told her.  "We're having a cookout.  Bring some extra, good burgers."  She nodded, shaking their hands and moving to help them.  Alan and Don got her things and left it in their hands.  Though Don did give Sam the copy of that complaint form as well.  She smirked at him for it and they left to let the two highly educated ones rip the two pitiful ones to shreds before they got them out of education for good.

***

Xander walked onto base and paused since all the girls were staring at him.  "What?  Did I suddenly change colors?"

"The demon chick wanted to marry you?" Faith asked.

"I see nothing wrong with it as long as it's a good, healthy relationship," he said firmly.  "Even if one of you wanted to.  As long as it's a healthy relationship I'm not going to say anything, ladies."  They all stared in horror.  He shrugged.  "Tough shit, get over it."

"Then why did you rag on B and Broody?" Faith asked.

"Not even I can call that healthy, Faith.  Looking back now, it wasn't as bad as I thought at first but with that soul clause there's no way it wouldn't turn out tragic.  So let me make this clear, ladies.  I don't care who you date as long as it's good for you.  Male, female, demon male, demon female.  As long as they're not going to hurt you or anyone else and they make you happy enough to giggle most of the time, then I'm all for it.  That's why John talked with Anya, because it wasn't looking healthy to him."  Dean nodded slowly so Xander knew it was partially the demon thing.  "I'm not going to encourage it any which way.  You'll tell us who you want to date.  It's part of growing up.  I'm not making arranged relationships for you unless you totally screw up and date a pedophile or something."  They smiled and nodded at that.  "Dean, do you see a problem with that edict?"

"No, I don't.  I know Sammy won't either.  Dad might be a bit more uptight with some of the older watchers, but they're older and more set in their ways."

"Good."  He smiled since he caught Daniel, Jack from the armory, and Wesley watching.  "You three?"

"As long as it's a healthy relationship and they don't end up on caseload, I've never cared," Daniel told him simply.

"We've met some frightfully nice demons over the years," Wesley agreed.  "I have no problem either, Xander, and I know Giles will only complain a bit."

"Would that be because the brain-sucking demon got him again?"

"Possibly," he admitted.  "How did you hear about that?"

"It was news at the wedding.  I called Buffy and she went to tie him down."  He smirked.  "The other girls were more than happy to help her."

"I'm sure they were."  He smirked.  "Jack, do you have a problem with that?"

"Not with some of the past ones of his I've heard about."

Xander smirked.  "They were nice to *me*.  Mostly."  He looked at the girls.  "Any other problems, ladies?"

"What was wrong with Little C?" Faith asked.

"Bullies.  The teacher and her happy little future drug abuser minions called her a lesbian because she hadn't hit puberty and didn't understand boys.  Her friends and the teacher thought she should be crocheting like the others and groping boys already."

"Alan need something for his throat?"

"Yup."  He smirked.  "Me too.  But I had already talked to CPS and a few officers that morning as well."  They all cheered at that.  "She's fine.  It's settled and they're back on good footing again.  Need help, Dean?"

"Nah, we're good.  Just usual PT.  Dawn could some help with her apartment for college."

"How would I know what college apartments need, Dean?  She should ask Sam.  He had one."

"Good point," he decided with a grin.

"I can do that," Dawn agreed.  She jogged over to give him a hug.  "We love you, big brother."

"I know Steph needs to go shopping.  She can go with you."  She laughed, going to get her out of the infirmary and Sam from language lessons to go with her.  Sam got the shopping card and it was good.  He looked at Daniel.  "It was a really nice wedding.  Oh, Dean, I downloaded the video to my email since I brought my laptop.  They mock-battle at wedding celebrations.  Cordette and I went back-to-back a few times."  He nodded, smirking at that.  "She's not bad.  She tripped once but she's pretty good."

"Good.  I look forward to grading it and having her in for a few weeks to work with Mini Mouth and her Minion there."  He pointed at Annabelle and Mary.

Xander looked at them.  Then at Jack.  "No artillery or explosives lessons?"

"Not until they're patrol cleared.  Wesley said so."

"Teach them the basics of how to use a gun or higher anyway.  Just in case?  Some of the not cleared jumped into Georgia.  Those two especially."

"I can do that."  Wesley nodded that was fine with him.

"Good.  Then I need a nap.  I had to stop over to talk to Leo about why Willow's free."

"Excuse me?" Dean demanded, moving closer.  "She's free and no one told us?"

"Yeah.  And the first thing I did was have phantom pain in my arm," he muttered since Dean could read lips.  Dean raised an eyebrow.  He shrugged he was fine.

"Uh-huh.  Where is she?"

"Cleveland.  Again."  He looked at Wesley.  "I'm not working with her unless it's a world-ending emergency and the universe is about to scream as it's being screwed.  I'm sorry but I can't, Wes.  I can't not hate her for it and I can't forgive her for it."

"I can see that, Xander.  Does Rupert know?  He's never mentioned it."

"No clue.  I'd assume so.  She was telling Cordette that some bullying was normal."

"Oh, bloody hell no," Wesley said.  "I don't want her near the young slayers."  He stomped off to call out there.  "Buffy, is Rupert back to normal  yet?  Because Miss Rosenburg was telling Cordette the wrong thing and it hurt her enough that she ran away briefly to talk to Xander about the bullying going on."  He listened to her babble.  "I do not care, Buffy.  We do not appreciate Miss Rosenburg's issues.  Even if she is better.  She nearly killed Xander, Buffy.  She's nearly ended the world a few times now.  That switching thing she did ended up in four world that had no people thanks to her wishes.  They are not fully closed off and those situations still hurt others.

"I will not have her hurting the girls.  They're more important.  If the older ones want to talk to her, fine.  I do not want her near the younger set."  He listened then nodded.  "That is your choice and you're old enough to make it, Buffy.  Mary, Anna, Cordette, and the younger girls are not."  She said something.  "Very well.  Keep her out there.  Because Xander heard and felt the loss of his arm again, Buffy."  She whispered something.  "We shall see."  He hung up and went out there.   "John, Buffy said Willow's still using magic and had summoned a higher demon to handle something in Cleveland."

"Excuse me?" Daniel asked.  "She did what?"  Xander groaned, walking off rubbing his arm.  "Dean...."  He followed Xander to calm him down.  "Did she endanger others?"

Wesley nodded.  "Buffy said so."

"John, you're going as backup to a team," Daniel decided.  "Horatio!"  He came jogging out.  "Miss Rosenburg is out of her confinement.  She's summoned a higher demon to the hellmouth to take care of an issue.  You're bringing John as backup while you investigate.  Rupert's mind has been sucked at by a demon so he's not fully normal."

"Miss Summers sounded a bit off as well," Wesley said.  "Like she had been under coercion."

Horatio nodded.  "We'll go now.  My full team.  John, anyone you need?"

"Just me."  That got a nod.  "I'll meet you at the airport in two and a half hours."  Horatio nodded, heading inside to gather his people.  "What if she does end up being charged?" he asked Daniel.

"We'll make a cell able to shield against any magic.  Plus let Xander make that decision for himself."

"Thanks."  He walked off.

"If you need slayer support, you yell," Faith told him.

"Agreed."  He smiled.  "You're a hell of a woman and a hell of a slayer, Faith."  He went to pack, finding Dean doing it for him.  "Xander?"

"Went to bed with a migraine."

"We're going to investigate what she did, son.  Let him rest for now.  Get him to eat dinner.  If he's still doing his arm, get him to House."  He finished his packing.  "Get me the colt too please."  Dean nodded, going to get it.  With a higher, there was no telling what was going on in Cleveland.

***

Radek Zalenka looked over the new information he got from their lab assistant on Atlantis, frowning.  "Carson?"  He came over to look at it.  "Is that not a problem?"

"It's a very bad problem."  He took it to look over, walking down to talk to the local doctors.  "House?"  He looked up from his notes.  "Take a look at this for me."  He let him see it.  "The lab on Atlantis just sent that to Radek."

He read it over, frowning some.  "Isn't that a form of diphtheria?"

"It appears to be."  He looked around.  "Any idea where Dawn is?"

"Not at the moment."  He paged her and she walked out of a portal a second later.  "We've got a problem on Atlantis."

"Hmm."  She tested her usual point of entry up there.  "I can't get to it."  They stared at her.  "It's covered with something.  Can we force a connection and call?  Abby's done that in the past."

"The ship's not in the right spot," he admitted.  He called the base.  "It's Zalenka.  We need to check on Atlantis."  He listened.  "When was the last data burst?"  He scowled.  "We have some here who can handle that."  He hung up.  "They are having a base-wide medical issue."

"I need a good image of the current space I'm moving you guys to," Dawn ordered.  They nodded.  "I'll get one from Rodney while you guys pack medicines."  She jogged off to the unicorn barn.  Rodney was hiding out there to get some peace and quiet.  "Rodney, your lab's got diphtheria."  He glared at her.  "Radek just found out.  My usual spot is covered so I can't use it to get up there.  I need good pictures and they might need help forcing a connection like Abby used to do to you."

"Said who?" he demanded.

"Carson."

"Crap."  He got up and brought his laptop back up to the lab.  "What happened?" he demanded.  Radek let him at the results.  "We're sure that's what it is?"

"Carson went to talk to House."

"I need good, real time pictures of a clear area.  The usual one is covered," Dawn told them.

"I'm not sure if we can force the connection.  She can only do it when the ship's in the right spot," Rodney admitted.  He tried, shaking his head.  "It's not there."  He called the base.  "It's McKay, where is the Dadelus?"  He listened to the report, then nodded.  "All right.  We'll do this the more normal way then.  Alert the general that I'm coming with Carson and probably one of DCIS's doctors to get back to Atlantis.  If he argues, Gibbs smack him."  He hung up, looking at Dawn.  "Now."  She ran off to tell them and get a few things.  He followed once he had his kit back together.  It had been in the office closet.  "I almost missed emergencies," he said, stopping to give Abby a kiss.  "The base is in lock down due to an emergency."  He took another kiss.  "We'll send Dawn back in a few minutes."  House was getting what they needed.  Dawn went through to mark the area, then took them to the base in Colorado.  The Marines pulled up guns.  "Stop it," he snapped.  The general rushed in.  "Diphtheria?" he demanded.

"We don't know how.  Doctor Beckett.  Who are these two?"

"Dawn Summers.  I'm the one who usually makes the portals.  They've got my usual spot closed off so I can't.  I'll be getting the medicine up there once I can open somewhere."  He nodded.  "This is Doctor House."  She followed Rodney out.  "Anything I should be aware of?"

"The gateway's cold," Beckett warned.  "House, it'll make you dizzy."

"I can hold myself up."  He looked at Dawn.  "You may be quarantined."

"We have that room on base set up for that," she reminded him dryly, smirking some.  "That way Sam doesn't buy me singing flower statues and things for my dorm room."  He nodded at that.  Rodney was arguing with someone.  "Let me."  She touched his head and he suddenly started to dial out for them.  She smirked.  Rodney smirked back.  "Only in emergencies.  Xander will paddle my ass if I do it otherwise."  The gateway opened and they headed down there.  She tested the portal first.  "This is going to make me nauseous."  She walked through and came out on the other side.  And promptly got sick off the side of the ramp.  "Oooooh."

Carson let House check her over.  "She's a bit drained," House admitted.  "It'll be an hour or so before she can create a portal."

"That's fine.  We have enough with us to do that."  The gateway shut.  "They can yell later."  He headed for his infirmary.  "Dawn, find a computer.  Email the base and send it through.  The protocols are in a set folder already.  All you need to do is push the start button on it."  She nodded, heading to do that while they went to find the disease ward.  He found Ronon staring into a room.  "How bad and why didn't you call?"

"Half a science team is locked in a lab.  They wouldn't let me.  McKay."

"I'll beat them later.  Help Dawn.  She's getting some things ready so we can get the medicine we need.  She's in the control room."  He nodded, heading that way.  "Masks?"

"Contamination suits," Carson said with a point.  They got them out and went in to look over patients.

House stared.  "This isn't fully our version of diphtheria.  The medicine will only help."  He looked over the next one.  He called Dawn.  "It's me.  Have them send up some extra antibiotics.  It's not our strain.  Also have them send up an anti-diarrheal batch too."  He hung up and moved on.

Dawn sent that and got one back since the gateway was slightly open on their side so she could send messages back and forth.  She answered the threat of court marshaling with the point that she already knew and had gotten people to and from Atlantis in the past.  Plus their own base.  She sent that message to Chase directly, getting one back saying he'd do it.  Then she sent one to her sister to tell the others they'd be okay but to keep down the slayer injuries for a few days.  "Hey, Ronon.  I need a really clear spot to bring about four cases of stuff through and it'll be fragile stuff that the docs will need immediately.  Then I'll probably pass out.  The magic up here is weaker for me to draw on."  She looked at him.  "Find me a spot."  He nodded, considering the base until he found the spot he thought would work best, pulling it up on a monitor.  "How far away from the sick people is it?"

"One hallway but it's the closest open area that's not outside and exposed."

She nodded.  "Okay."  She gathered herself.  "Let's go down there."  She left the latest threat after forwarding it to Daniel.  He'd cover her ass this time.  He might yell but he'd do it.

***

Daniel's email beeped and he frowned, getting into it.  He called the base.  "Hank, calm down.  It is Jackson.  Calm down.  Dawn's been there before.  She's how Rodney gets down to see Abby and how the others got down this time.  She's moving the medicine.  Why would she?  We have quarantine on this base,  Hank."  He smiled.  "Of course.  She'll blow it off too.  She's been threatened by worse than the military.  She had a hell god who wanted her blood for a ritual, Hank.  The US military is not that bad."  The general over the stargate program shuddered, he could hear it through the line.  "Just let it happen this time.  The whole base is apparently down by what she sent.  Just let it happen and we'll figure it out later.  All right?  House is our doctor here on base.  Yes, that was him.  You're lucky he didn't hit you with the cane.  He's even done it to Jack a few times.  Exactly.  Let them treat people, okay?"  He hung up and went to tell Jack.  "Dawn, House, Carson, and Rodney are back on base since there's an epidemic."  Jack gave him a dirty look.  "She couldn't open up the usual portal."

"Aw, crap," he muttered.

"I calmed him down already.  Told him he wasn't worse than Glory so she was going to snort at his threats.  Told him he was lucky House hadn't gotten him with the cane.  House told him it was diphtheria."

"How many teams are off-world?"

"No clue.  I've only heard from her up there.  I sent back a request for a status report but I haven't heard anything yet."

"Okay.  So we wait?"

"Where's the ship?"

"Here."

"Pick up a few of the docs on base just in case you have to go save them."  He nodded, making that call to get things moving.  He went back to tell Xander.  "Dawn's fine."  Xander was collapsed on his couch still.

"She's doing what?" he asked, uncovering his head.

"Saving Rodney's base."

"Uh-huh.  I didn't think she was a slayer."

"They're having a medical epidemic.  She couldn't open something from down here.  Had to go up there to do it."

"Hmm.  Okay.  I'll ask her if it's pretty later."  He put his hand back over his eyes.  "Let me know if I have to run up to save them."

"I can do that."  He left to tell Jack that.  "You might want to make sure the base is secure and not going to be attacked if someone knows it's a base-wide sickness."

"I can do that too.  I could use a portal right now."

"Abby hasn't gotten that figured out yet."

Sam leaned in the doorway.  "We do have another way," he offered.  "There's a demon in the cells that can make portals.  He should be able to make a transport portal."  That got a nod.  "Give him some consideration, see if he'd do it."  He smirked.  "Do we need to send slayers to help?"

"God I hope not," Jack admitted.  He called the base.  "We're going to try to get there the quick way."

"Helicopter will only take an hour," Danny pointed out.

"Or we can copter in.  Yeah, I need a status report to make sure we don't have to go retrieve teams and things."  He hung up, going to make sure Chase didn't have anything for him.  He took a vial.  "What's that?"

"For Dawn.  She's going to be collapsing soon.  She sent an email saying the magic up there was thinner so she'll have to draw on her own power this time.  That means the portal won't stay open that long and it'll be a problem when she passes out."

"All right."  He took it.  "Anything else I should know?"

"Not yet.  She did say Ronon was with her."

"That's good to know."  He jogged outside, getting into the helicopter the local base had sent over.  He headed back to save the universe once again.

***

Sheppard looked up as their current location's gateway opened.  "Hallelujah," he said dryly.  He walked through with the trainee team, finding Ronon waiting in the Ops center.  "What happened?" he called.

"A base-wide medical problem," Dawn called.  "I need muscles, guys.  I don't have enough energy to open the portal and float things through."  Sheppard came jogging up the stairs.  "I can open it.  I can close it again.  I can't do that, hold it open, and float."

"We can handle that.  Pallets of what?"

"Meds."

"Okay.  Guys, get some of the moving stuff," he ordered.  They ran to do that.  "Where?"

"The atrium nearest the mess hall," Ronon said.  "There's a half a science team locked in the main lab.  The rest are all sick.  That's why we stranded the away teams.  On Carter's orders."

"Even better.  How many?"

"Three others."

"I'll get them back to help."  He moved to do that, finding the gateway lighting up on its own.  "Okay.....  Hmm.  Home base.  Dawn, don't yell at anyone."

"I need to save my energy anyway," she admitted.   He nodded at that, shutting it once they were through.  "Hi, Jack."

"Dawn.  You okay?"

"I need about another twenty to unscrew what the wormhole did to my powers.  Otherwise I'll make a funky portal that'll warp stuff."

"Okay.  Chase sent you something for when you pass out."

"Good deal."  She looked at Ronon.  "Just put me on a couch and give me juice, big guy."  She walked off with Jack, letting Sheppard handle the military stuff.   Not like she understood it.  She found the spot she wanted, which was in the sunlight.  She concentrated on herself, pulling up the magic in her.  It wasn't often she touched the Key's energy but today she'd need it to be impressive.  And hey, not even Xander could nag her about this one.  It was necessary.  She pulled up the rest of the magic she had and opened the portal with her blood this time to make it more solid.

"You've got ten minutes to get the stuff," she ordered.  They rushed into the warehouse DCIS had things like this stored in.  They had stores of medicine for after the invasion.  Just in case they had brought something with them.  Jack and the military people moved the crates back quickly with a bucket line maneuver.   She wobbled.  "Guys, going soon," she noted.  The people over there helped by sending more over in another line.  The rest of the materials were sent over by floating, she didn't know who was doing it, but okay.  The last one was coming through when it started to wobble.  "Three seconds," she shouted.  Jack dove back through.  It caught his shoe, but he could replace them later.  She passed out in Ronon's arms.

"Let me put her down," Ronon ordered.

Jack looked at the directions Chase had put on the vial, finding the box of needles to inject it into her arm.  "One of you check on her periodically."  He helped carry the stuff to the mess hall, tapping on the door and waving the first one.  House came out, taking off his contamination suit in the plastic sheathed airlock.  "Medicine?"

"Good."  He came out to look it over.  "This'll work."  He pointed at cases.  "Those into the airlock."  They moved it for him.  "The needles too.  It's been opened?"

"I had to give Dawn something; Chase said to give it to her," Jack said.

"Good enough."  He went back in, getting back into the suit to push the stuff into the room with Carson's help.  They dosed everyone and settled in to check them over.  He checked the slayers over.  Carter was looking weak.  Tiff was trying to be robust.  "Stay down," he ordered.  She went limp and nodded.  "Carter, are you allergic to anything?  I can't remember off the top of my head."

"I just got my anthrax vaccine the day I came back, which was the same day it started, House.  I felt like crap from that one."

He nodded, checking her again.  "Okay.  It'll be soon.  Your slayer healing is working."  She nodded.  He got them bottles of water from the crate and let them sip.  "When you're stronger, help others drink."  He went back to injecting people with the medicines they'd need.

Carson looked over.  "Why did we have all this stored?"

"Jackson thought the invasion might bring a few new demonic diseases to LA.  This is what he had stocked and waiting."

"Good."  He got back to it.  They finally finished up and came back to help people sip water.  He found a few of the Marines in there in decontamination suits as well.   "Let me check on the scientists."

"Already did," John noted.  "They're not sick.  They've got air purifiers in there going strong.  They're free now and O'Neill is debriefing them about how this happened."  That got a nod.  "Rodney's chewing them a new one for waiting three days before calling."

"I'd do the same thing," Carson agreed.  "They earned that butt chewing this time."  House smirked at him through his hood.  "It may not be the Scottish way but I don't have a sword to go after them with or war paint."

House shook his head.  "You're a bit strange, doc."  He left, taking off the suit in the airlock.  "Fortunately it looks like we'll have them up and going for the most part in about a week," he told O'Neill when he ran into him.  "Where's Dawn?  What did Chase send you with?"  He handed over the vial.  "Hmm."  He went to check on her.  "Yup, you wasted your personal reserves.  Get me a vial of the painkiller too?  She'll have an overuse headache."  Jack did that.  Plus an IV drip of nutrient solution.  "Might help, yeah."  He started it and got her to drink the potion without waking her up.  He pointed at the Marine.  "If she moves, pukes, or whines, I need to know."

"Yes, sir.  I've seen her getting McKay in the past."

"The magic up here is thinner," he told him simply.  "She had to use from herself instead of the stuff laying around."

"In other words, the Force is thin around here," Jack said dryly at the confused look.  That got a nod of clearer understanding.  He walked House up to the command center.  "Do we need anything else critically?  The ship can be up here in a week."

"We need to find where it came from."  Sheppard jogged up the stairs.  "Not helping?"

"My team was on an away case.  We got this message," he said, settling in behind the computer system to replay the coded message.  Jack nodded at the 'base sick, stay there' order that got sent.  "We got that two days ago."  He looked at his boss.  "I have no clue what's going on.  I tried to call and they refused to open the gateway.  They had it blocked somehow from incoming calls."

"What's this dot?" House asked, looking at another monitor.

Sheppard rolled over to look.  "One of the Asgard."  He typed out a message to them, sending it over.  "That way they know in case they can help."  He looked at O'Neill.  "We know it didn't come from my trainee group."

"I did that many times," Jack said with a shudder.

John smirked.  "We went to people we already knew, sir."

"Good idea.  The last one I went with nearly got stoned to death."  He looked at the ship identification that came up.  "That's Haldir?"

"Hermoid, sir.  I  think."

Jack considered it and opened communications.  "Asgard ship, this is General Jack O'Neill.  The Atlantis base is currently under quarantine due to something that resembles a strain of diphtheria.  We have medical personnel present and medicine but we're not sure if it's safe for you guys to come visiting.  The docs are saying it'll be safe in about a week."

A voice came back.  "I understand.  We can sit up here and watch for other problems," it said calmly.  "Thank you, O'Neill."

"No, thanks, guys.  Don't want you guys sick.  Let us know if something's coming and we'll let you know when it's clear."  He hung up and looked at Sheppard.  "Set up a watch rotation to help with the sick ones.  House, you and Carson work out your own rotation with the docs I brought.  Find the source, McKay."

"I'm working on it," he complained.  "It didn't come through with a team so it may be native."  He looked up.  "No away team has logged in new samples for the last two weeks."

"It'd probably take about three to five days to really get a good grip on people," House told him.

"That narrows it down for me."  He went back to looking at the newly logged in samples.  "Let me head to Botany.  Most of them have been there.   At least it wasn't the plague," he said as he walked.

"DiNozzo had that," House told him.  Rodney shuddered.  He looked at O'Neill.  "We'll figure it out.  Check the base over.  Make sure there's no sick people in their rooms."  He nodded, taking Sheppard to do that.  House went back to check on the docs.  "How're we doing rotations?  We don't all need to be up twenty-four/seven."

"These ones can take over in about eight hours," Carson ordered, waving at the new docs.  "You'll work with my team for now, House."  That got a nod.  "Any news on where it came from?"

"McKay headed to Botany.  He said he didn't think it came from an away team.  Something about no new logged in samples in the right time frame.  Sheppard and O'Neill are checking for hiding people.  Dawn's in the area where the portal was on an IV drip because she looks wasted."

"We can check on her."  He pointed at one.  "Check on the girl who came with us."  She nodded, going to do that.  "Any other good news?"

"Not yet.  The slayers are both getting stronger.  Carter had her anthrax vaccine the day she got here and got sick."

"It happens," he decided.  They suited back up and went in there while the others went to find a spot to rest for now.

The nurse came back.  "Doctor House, is she supposed to look like she's starving?"

"She used her personal resources to open it.  Keep track of her."  That got a nod.  "Let me know if she gets worse.  Up her nutrient drip while you're at it."

"Yes, Doctor."  She went to do that.  One of the military guys sneered at her.  "She's the one who got the medicine up here.  It did this to her."

"O'Neill said the power she drew from is thin up here," the guard said.

The nurse nodded.  "House said the same thing."

"That was Doctor House?  McKay said he was grumpier than him."

"That was and he is.  He smacked Carter on the head for trying to get up."  She smiled.  "It'll go on.  Ronon, find her a bed when this IV is done with.  Keep track of her and let me know if there's a change."

"I can do that.  Do you need my help in there?"

"No.  We can handle it with the new docs."  That got a nod.  "Do you know how to disconnect it?"

"I've seen it done," he assured her.  "I can put on a bandage very well, nurse."

"Good man."  She went back to help, telling House how she looked.

Ronon looked at the guard.  "Go help.  I can watch her."  He nodded, doing that.  He sat down at her feet, looking her over.  "You are quite strong to do that but it was foolishly heroic.  You seem to take after your guardian that way."  The girl shifted in her sleep but stayed quiet.  He got her something to cover her.  She had to be chilly.  There was a cool breeze coming off the nearest deck.

***

Daniel  paced back and forth in the lab waiting on news.   Radek finally had enough of him annoying him and used some of Rodney's version of tact to shove him into a storage room and lock him in while he got back to work analyzing that strange virus strain.  Daniel got free a few minutes later, giving him a dirty look.  "Fine, I'll wait more quietly over here."

"Thank you.  It is not just you who is worried but there is not much our base cannot handle," he reminded him.  "After all, look what we've done already."

"Good point."  He checked the email accounts they had open.  Nothing.  Still.  "Anything new on the virus?"

"McKay sent one that listed the newest samples brought onto base and logged in.  That leaves something that wasn't logged in, which is against protocol, or something mutating.  We have no idea which yet.  He's checking over Botany probably since they've got the most samples to do."

"Okay, that's good to know."  He considered it.  "Why would Botany have a sample of diphtheria?"

"It could have come back on a plant sample."

"It's more likely it was brought back on a human," Chase said as he walked in.  "Most plants can't carry viruses like that."  Radek gave him a look.  "They can't as far as I know.  Unless your plants are vastly different."  He moved closer.  "That's a genome marking.  Test it for DNA and compare it to a species?"  Radek hit himself on the head and moved to do that.  "Speedle and the Miami crew were all CSI.  So was Taylor's team if you need help, Radek."

"I'm not much good with DNA," he admitted.

Chase called down there before Daniel could.  "Mac, we need the one who's the best in DNA stripping from a virus to come up to the lab."  He smiled.  "That might help but he's back in Las Vegas and Dawn's with Rodney handling a mass-virus on their base.  They needed stuff shipped like medicines."  He beamed at Radek.  "Why is he back?  That's excellent.  Send him up."  He hung up.  "Greg Sanders' flight back to his posting was canceled due to the problems at that airport.  He's back on base and his speciality is DNA."  Radek relaxed.  The young blond man came off the elevator and grabbed a jacket and gloves before walking into the lab.  "It's a virus but there's a genome marking," he said with a point.

Greg stared at it.  "I can break that down.  I need a sample."

"All we have are reports," Radek admitted.

Daniel called the base.  "It's Jackson.  I need samples to test treatments and things against ASAP.  I have someone here's speciality is DNA and there's genome markers in it, General.  Thank you, that would be fine.  Yes, in the lab."  He hung up.  "Thirty-five minutes to get it here by helicopter."

"We can handle that," Greg decided.  He went to check the DNA lab out, petting the machines.  He came back to point at something.  "That's not viral.  I've had to do some virus research in the past as work-study during my masters."

Radek looked then beamed at him.  "Thank you, Sanders.  I'm a physicist.  This is not my area."

"It's cool.  I haven't done it in many years."  Daniel went to pace outside and wait on the samples.  "Can I know what's going on?"

"The base we work on has been beset by this virus," Radek told him.  "It's a version of diphtheria."

"Huh.  We can handle it.  Do we have docs and medicine there?"

"We do.  Dawn as well," Chase admitted.  "She had to move the medicine from that end.  She's probably incredibly tired at the moment since the magic is thin there."

"Can we get information back to them?"

"Via email at the moment," Radek agreed.

"Then we can handle it.  What else do you want me to look at?"  Stella and Danny came up. "It's viral samples, guys."

"I've done some work with one during a case," Danny admitted.  "Stella helped then."

"So far this is all we have but we're getting some samples somehow," Radek told them, letting them see.

"So far we've treated it with the anti-virals and some very strong antibiotics plus a pretty decent anti-diarrheal.  If we need something specific we need to know sooner instead of later."

"Agreed," Stella said.  "Greg, DNA?"

"Waiting on samples so I can pull some out for comparison by whatever database these guys have at their disposal."

Radek smiled.  "You'd be surprised."

"No, not really.  Since I'm the liaison officer in Las Vegas, one of the demon hotels called me to help throw an annoying drunk demon out.  He was babbling that he should have went with Xander during his D&D game winning time so he could visit the temple in your galaxy.  He wanted the easy sex and humans didn't like him that way."

Radek gaped.  "They all know?"

"He was a council member out of LA.  A higher demon in status at the least.  Just annoyingly drunk at the time.  He did write a letter of apology to me and the hotel."  He grinned.  "I figure some of them heard about the win and some heard where that world is thanks to that win but otherwise, they don't really care.  They deal with so many realms it's not funny."

"Hmm.  I hadn't thought about that."

"To them, you guys are kinda normal.  It's Xander that they think is strange," Stella assured him with a pat on the arm.  "Danny, take the reports, go over them to compare."  He did that.  "Radek, take a twenty minute nap.  You clearly haven't slept in days."  He opened his mouth.  "Ah!" she ordered, holding up a finger.  "Do not argue.  Go nap until the other samples get here."  He nodded, going to do that on the couch in Abby's office.  She looked at Greg.  "Flight got canceled?"

"Yeah.  Vegas has fog for some strange reason.  We're not sure why the airport has been fogged in for three days.  It's clearly unnatural."

"I'll send someone that way to make the thing doing it stop," she said, calling downstairs.  "Mac, me.  Greg said the airport in Vegas has been fogged in for three days, which is unnatural.  Thanks."  She hung up.  "He'll go do that."  That got a nod and Greg went back to prepare what he'd need to break the sample down.

Daniel finally got there with the tray of blood units.  "Kind of frozen thanks to the method of transport."  Greg snatched one vial, heading back to his lab.  Radek came out to help but Stella shooed him to eat while they started breaking down.  He couldn't help with that and they knew what they were doing with blood samples.  Chase too.  Daniel sat down and waited, staring at them.  Danny finally turned and kicked him out of the lab.  So he went to stare from the hallway by the elevators.

Xander came off the elevator, looking at his boss.  "Dawn's magic wasted according to Phoebe, who had been helping move the stuff across the portal.  She's ghostly at the moment," he said quietly.

"We can't get you up there, Xander."

"Bullshit.  I can easily get to my temple and then gate there."

Danny beamed.  "Radek."  He came out.  "Xander's temple has a gateway."

"I had forgotten."  He gave him a hug.  "When we have what we need, we'll do that."

"Okay.  Let me know.  And anything else we might need from the emergency stores."  He looked at Daniel.  "Want the address of where we ordered from?"

"I have it on file still."

"Cool."  He went to get something to eat and drink, making himself relax for now.  His temple hadn't been pleased with him the last time because it had been a while since he had been up there.  It had been even longer this time.  Nearly a year in their local time.  He'd nag them if he had to.  It was an emergency and if they didn't like it, oh well.  Radek came down to find him a few hours later.  Chase got them packs with medicine vials for easy carrying.  Xander got them bottles of water and another two to carry with them.  "About a day's hike from the temple."  Radek nodded, getting what he needed to eat.  Xander sent them up there, watching the glaring people.  "Don't start.  The team that came by's people are having a sickness and I came up to help them."

"You're human," one said.  "Tauri."

"Kinda."  One stepped forward to test him, gasping and bowing.  He smirked.  "I've also been exposed to some things over the years."  He grinned.  "We'll be back this way in a few weeks.  Radek's people are very sick."

"The loud ones?" the one who had tested him asked.

"Mh-hmm," he agreed.

"They can recuperate here if need be."

"I'll let them know that if they need it."  He kissed her gently then smiled.  "Go have fun."  He walked Radek off, taking him to the portal.  Radek dialed and sent through the gate code, tossing through a pebble.  "Do they have a shield?"

"We can only hope it's clear."

"Cellphone," Xander told him.  "Like your transmitter."

Radek beamed and called the one Rodney had from Earth, making him jump and grab his butt when it vibrated.

"What?" he demanded as he answered.  "I'll make sure it's down, Radek.  Thank you."  He hung up and got into communications so he didn't have to run across the base.  "That's Radek and Xander.  They have new medicines," he announced.  "Lower the shield."  He barely heard the gateway shut off a minute later.  He got back to work.

Radek walked in and pointed at something.  "It's from this one's planet.  It shows their genome."

Rodney smiled.  "You broke down DNA?"

"Our liaison is a DNA god," Xander said as he walked past them.  He ran into Sheppard, handing over both packs.  "New meds, stronger this time."

"How did you get here?"

"Temple.  By the way, they said you guys could recuperate there if you needed to."

"I might take them up on that offer," he decided, going to the mess hall.  "Docs," he called into the airlock.  They'd hear.  House came out.  "Xander and Radek brought you new meds, stronger he said.

Xander waved from a safe distance.  "Chase said those would be strong enough and safer than the antibiotics you had right now.  They found the world it came from and Radek had those reports."

"Thank you, kid.  Dawn's somewhere recovering."

"Figured she was.  Phoebe said she was nearly drained dry."  He went to find her, finding Ronon first.  "Hey."  He leaned down to kiss her head, making her moan.  "Get up and walk for two minutes then go back to sleep, Dawnie.  Before you stiffen up.  C'mon."  He helped her up since she was only half asleep, making her walk around.  She went to the bathroom too then fell back into bed to drift back to sleep.  He smiled at Ronon.  "Magic can do that to you."

"It looks like she's still being drained," he said.

Xander nodded.  "Figured it was since the portal's slightly open."  He took his blaster.  "Laser?"  He nodded.  "Watch her for seizures.  She'll definitely have a migraine after this."  He went to find the portal and shot into it.  It created a small explosion as the air collapsed.  Jack and Sheppard both came running.  "Her portal was still slightly open and draining her further.  It was the air filling in the spot."  Rodney came running.  "My temple has healing herbs that work on things like the flu.  They're what kept me from being so sick last time.  Go get some and ask House if they'll help.  He's used them before."  He nodded, going to do that for him.  He looked at Jack and shrugged.  "If it'll help."

"It could.  I saw you after your last bout when you looked like you were about to die before they stole you."

"They just tested me because they thought I was a normal human.  Figured out I'm not."

"Why not?" John asked.

"Mermaid taint.  Hellmouth taint.  Possessions, compulsions, and other neat things in my past," he offered with a grin.  "Let me spell Ronon with Dawn.  I got her up to move for a few minutes."  He walked off again.  "That should help her a lot," he said, handing back the blaster.  "Go nap, Ronon.  I can take care of her.  She's like my little sister."

Ronon nodded.  "That will make her better faster."  He stood up.  "I have no idea what we're doing now."

"Now, we'll handle it and then make decisions.  And hey, if you come to earth, I'm introducing you to Buffy.  She likes her guys big, strong, protective, and warriorish."  Ronon smirked at that, heading out to take a rest and get something to eat.  He smoothed Dawn's hair off her forehead.  "Dumbass," he said quietly but he was smiling.  "You could have brought up the stuff you stored energy in.  Like I did."  He put one on her chest, letting it leak back into her.  She relaxed and looked a bit better.  "You can have the rest when we get you home, young lady.  You sleep it off.  You saved everyone."  She nodded, pulling on his arm.  He laid behind her to cuddle her, making her snore.  She was fully out and getting better.  He looked up when the nurse came in to check on her.  "I got her up for a potty break and some light walking around a bit over an hour ago."

"Her boyfriend, sir?"

"I'm her favorite big brother," he offered with a grin.  "And I have custody of her."

"That's fine.  I suppose it's helping her nap."  He nodded.  She checked her pulse and other vitals.  "She seems all right.  If I start another nutrient drip can you handle it?"

"I can get her up in an hour to drink juice and have a granola bar."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah.  I've had this headache."  He grinned.  "Potassium, calcium, some iron, and some sugar will help her."

"I can make sure."

"You'll need it for the sick ones."

"It'll be fine, sir."  She went to get one and connected it for him.  Then she left them alone.

Xander checked then looked at her.  "Maybe House will fuss over you instead of me this time, little one."  She moaned and swatted at him.  "I know you have a migraine now.  I had to shut your portal with a blaster.  Sleep, Dawn.  You've got an hour before I'll get you up and make you eat."  She nodded, drifting off fully again.  House came in a few minutes later.  "She'll have a migraine from me closing it on her.  The overuse headache she had from before will get worse than mine was last time.  I fed her back some of her own energy that she had stored too."

"That's a good idea."  He checked her over.  "Get her up to make her eat in a bit."

"I planned on it."

"Good."  He smirked.  "The new medicines are working well but Jack's about to have fits that you're up here."

"I've seen this place a few times in vision dreams."  He shrugged.  "Not like I'm off exploring and taking pictures.  Emergencies are usually escape clauses."

"Good point."  He went to tell them that.  "Xander's had dream visions about here?" he asked Jack.

Jack smacked himself on the head.  "Two of them.  Both of which happened."

"That's where those warnings came from?" John asked.  Jack nodded.  "Huh.  Interesting."

"He said he's not out taking pictures and it's not like it's not an emergency.  He's sticking with Dawn right now.  When Tiff and Sam Carter get up, send them to him too so he can take care of the slayers."  That got a nod from Jack.  "I'm off for a rest.  Where?"

"You can bum my bed, House."  John led him down to his quarters, letting him inside so he could nap.  He went up to check on the others.  Tiff was complaining.  He looked at her.  "You're not fit for duty."

"Others need my bed more.  All I need is rest.  I have extra healing."

"Xander's with Dawn in Ronon's room."  She nodded, walking out.  "Carter, when you're better, head there so he can fuss over you both."

"I can handle duties in a few hours," she told him.

"O'Neill's here.  He's higher ranked than both of us."  She nodded.  "He said so."

"Fine.  Whatever."

He looked at Carson.  "House is in my quarters."

"That's fine.  Come help me hold up this one so I can pour the new medicine down her throat."  John came over to help.  He was good enough to help move people even if he couldn't do more than tie bandages.   Carter got up and stumbled out of the mess hall.  "How much longer for the contagious part?"

"It's already over with.  Radek found that out."  He smiled.  "We work well together."

"We do."  They got back to feeding the people the new medicine.

***

Daniel finally got a report and sighed in relief.  "Dawn's going to be fine.  Most of the base survived the virus," he told the general since he was nagging him for information again.  "Jack's email said that they only had ten deaths from it."

"Did they find a cause?"

"They found both causes.  They found where it originally came from and the thing that mutated it.  They found that the herbs Xander's temple gave him when he had the flu helped a lot with the after care.  Got them stronger faster."  He reread it.  Then he looked at him on the video screen.  "The problem is that the virus is part of one of the native plants on that planet.  The Athosians are immune.  Teyla identified the plant as one that made some people sick now and then when they were already weak."

"Will they keep running into it?"

"They'll have to.  It's in one of the food crops."  The general moaned.  "I'll let McKay tell me what's got to happen.  We'll see if we can do anything about it, Hank."  The general nodded.  "I know this has stressed you out.  Want to take a few days until they come back?"

"I might take you up on that offer.  How did Harris get up there?"

"They went to his temple, which is in the same galaxy.   Then they gated over."  That got a grim look and a nod.  "Plus Xander had two different visions about problems up there that got sent up.  He's seen it before just not in person."

"The young girl?"

"Dawn is a future watcher and out heavy hitting witch," he said gently.  "Plus she's underage.  Xander's her guardian."

"I see."

"She's the one who got McKay down for conferences with Abby."

"So I heard from her in an email."  He grimaced but cleared it up.  "They are a cute couple."

"They are," he agreed with a smile.  "Dawn won't tell anyone.  She's seen stranger stuff and she knows what classified means."

"Good to know."  He considered it.  "Fine, we won't say anything except to remind her it's classified.  It was an emergency.  We couldn't have gotten the medicine to them nearly as fast any other way."

"Thank you."

"Not a problem.  What're we going to do about Atlantis if this is a common problem?"  Daniel shrugged.  "We'll figure that out later?"

"After we get full reports.  I want to know how common this problem is."  That got a nod.  "I'll talk to you when they come back.  Take a few days off, Hank.  You look exhausted."  He hung up and leaned back in his chair, thinking about his options.   He wasn't sure what he was going to do about Atlantis if this was going to be a real problem for them.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services: The Consequences of Willow.

Horatio walked into the new building for the Slayers Council, looking around.  It was still being fixed.  They were doing some nice looking things though.  He saw someone coming his way.  "DCIS."

"Gentlemen, what can we do for you?' the watcher asked.  "Mr. Giles is a bit indisposed."  John Winchester walked in.  "Hmm, problems with a hunter?" he asked.

"No," John said.  "Problems with a witch and we heard Giles got his brain sucked again."

The watcher puffed himself up.  "There are no such problems here.  I can assure you of that."

"Then we'll be seeing Mr. Giles immediately," Horatio told him.  "That way we can settle this matter."

"I'm afraid you can't.  He's not here right now."

"Buffy!" John called.  She came jogging out of the back.  "Where are they?"

"Giles is on his office couch.  We just put him down for a nap.  Willow's out back."  She glared at the watcher when he made shocked noises.  "Yes, the tentacly thing got Giles again and Willow summoned a very high level demon to take out something minor," she said.  "Plus there's evidence of coercion," she told John.  "For some reason Cho's here and so is Kennedy.  She woke up this morning wondering why she was here and went back to Vienna on the first flight out.  She had no idea how she had gotten here."

"Wesley thought there might be by the way you sounded when he called," he agreed more gently.  "Let's go.  Horatio?"

"Check on Giles, give us a report," he ordered.  They headed out back.  The annoying one got put into a closet by Buffy.

"He's being a bastard and I won't let it be around the girls.  He doesn't like that but oh well.  I'm about to sic Wes on him."  She led them up to Giles' office, tapping before walking in.  "Hey," she told the slayer sitting at the desk.  "They came to check on him."

"Hi, John."  She bounced up to give him a hug.  "We can't find the stupid thing."

"Let me check him over so I can call Chase if we need to."

"Dawn didn't answer her phone," Buffy said.

"McKay's people had a medical emergency, she had to move some meds for them," he told her, getting a nod back.  "She'll be busy for at least the next few days."  He squatted down to check Giles' pulse and respiration.   "Did it knock him out?"

Buffy nodded.  "It did at first and then this time we knocked him out because he was wandering in circles saying 'whazit' over and over.  It kinda got annoying and we decided he'd probably like us to knock him out since he was that bad," the other slayer said.

"That's fine, Kyria.  It's not a bad idea."  He called Chase.  "It's Winchester.  I'm here looking at Giles.  Not too good.  Whatever's gotten him did a number."  He found a sucker mark on his throat and looked at it.  "Looks like it had a tentacle to attach to him.  Buffy called it a brain sucker, so did Kyria.  Said he was wandering around in circles saying the same word over and over," he added.  He listened then nodded.  "Buffy, can you find this thing?"

"I have no idea where to find it.  We've searched the room where he got bit the last time."

"Did you check the air vents?" Jon asked.

"It's really tiny.  We've shined lights into the ones we could."

He considered it.  "Is there some way we can get some of Dean's small little robots attached with a camera?  It'll be a delay, yeah, but it'll have to happen with Dawn helping Carson and them, Chase.  Good.  Tell him I need that to search tiny air vents.  We can switch out.  I'll send you Giles, you send me the robots.  Thanks, Chase."  He hung up and looked at the girls.  "If you had told us about this the first time, we would've already sent it, girls."

"We thought we had it once," Buffy admitted.  "Then it got free somehow and disappeared.  We don't know how.  Willow had it and it somehow got free."

John just nodded.  "Okay.  Are there any portal sort of demons local?"

"Um, no idea," Buffy admitted, looking at Kyria.  "Go find Kalazar's people and ask them?  He tends to keep track of everyone in town?"  She nodded, hurrying to do that.  "Local demon club owner."

"I'm proud of how you've handled Cleveland, Buffy.  I know Wes was too."  She smiled.  "C'mon, let's let him rest.  We'll come back in a minute.  I want to make sure Horatio's team isn't being beaten to death by Rosenburg."

"Is Xander all right?"

"He heard and his arm started to ache again," he admitted quietly.  "I don't think she's attacked him since then.  I know she was giving Cordette bad advice.  She's had some bully problems.  She ran away to where Xander was helping negotiate a warrior clan's marriage with House.  They barely got back and House had to leave again with Carson."  He walked her out to look out the window she pointed at.  It looked down at the backyard.  "They're not out there yet?"

She grimaced.  "Let me check.  You keep an eye on Giles."  She jogged down the stairs, heading for the back door.  She found them in the kitchen, frozen.  She nudged one, getting Eric free.  He seemed the easiest distracted.  "Get them free."

"H," he said, waking him up.  Speed got nudge by Horatio.  He got Calleigh up too.  She had come with them in case they needed more 'Xander style' finesse.  Or weapons.  "Thanks, Buffy."

"Not a problem."  She walked out with them.  "Willow."  She looked up, putting her finger in her place in the book she was reading.  "They're sending Giles to the base to treat him."

"He'll be fine here."

"He won't be," Horatio said, hands on his hips.  "I think we need to talk, Miss Rosenburg."

"About what?"

"About your summoning a higher demon to handle something," he told her, moving closer.

"It was necessary.  The girls were all tired, Horatio."

He stared at her behind his sunglasses.  "Why were they tired?"

She shrugged.  "I don't know."

Buffy looked at her.  "I don't remember you doing that."

"You told Wesley she had," Speed told her.

She grimaced.  "I did?"  Horatio nodded.  "When did Wes call and was it about something important?"

"Xander heard about the brain sucking demon at the wedding he helped negotiate," Speed told her.  "He told Wes so he called."

"Oh.  Okay, I guess."  She rubbed her forehead.  "I have a headache."

"Let John check you over," Calleigh ordered.  She nodded, going to do that.  She stared at Willow.  "Are you going to say she got attacked by the same brain sucking demon?"

"She might have.  Giles looked about like that after his first one."   She shifted.  "I'm not doing bad things, guys."

"How many people got endangered by that summoning?" Horatio asked calmly.

"How many people might've died if I hadn't," she shot back.  "Kyria saw it.  So did Cho."

"Why was Cho here instead of her house?" Speed asked.  She stared at him.  "She's supposed to be in India, Willow.  Why was she here?  Dawn didn't log in sending her over."

"Maybe Dawn forgot.  She was here when I got here."

"Things like that Wesley logs," Speed said calmly.  She glared at him.  He stared back.  "Do you know that you screwed up Cordette so badly she ran away to find Xander?" he asked.

"It's just bullying.  We all went through it."  She snorted.  "I had plenty to deal with."

"If you had listened, you probably would have done the same thing Xander did and call CPS on her friends," Horatio told her.  She glared.  "Some of the points she had were very valid, Willow.  They should not have called her a lesbian because she hadn't hit puberty yet or gotten in trouble by going out to see boys.  Like they were.  Or let the teacher help her cheat, like she was."

"She never said anything about cheating, just that the girls were bothering her," she defended, starting to sound huffy.

"They were trying to get her into trouble by making her ten-year-old self go to the mall without a guardian and go grope boys," Calleigh told her.  Willow glared at her.  "They've since been stopped.  Xander went to have a good yell at the teacher and told CPS, plus Alan and them.  Alan got the teacher and principal fired for what you thought was simple bullying."

"Alan's overprotective," she said, waving them off.

"No, he was right to do so," she corrected.  "Xander was right to go to CPS about the other kids too.  Sam Carter made sure the right educational people heard when Xander called her to help with the educational stuff."

"Why would she help?"

"She's a slayer too," Horatio reminded her.  "Xander asked her for her expertise since she was local at the time."

"That's Xander, highly overprotective," she snorted.  "And jumping into things."

"If it's bad enough to make her run away, that's more than just some minor bullying," Speed told her.  "I saw plenty of bullies in my time, Rosenburg, and this was worse."  Willow snorted again.  "Whatever, not why we're here."

She glared.  "I didn't do anything wrong!  The girls were tired!"

"That doesn't give you the right to summon higher demons to handle things," Horatio shot back.  "There's other ways."

"I don't do guns."

"That's not our fault, and you could have called for backup from Faith or any of the other girls," Calleigh pointed out.

"There wasn't any time."

"Summoning a higher demon takes at least an hour," Eric told her.  She glared.  "It does.  We've seen the whole process in the past.  It takes at least an hour for the lowest of the higher demons unless you had something of theirs to call them personally."

"The Council has the marks of a few of them.  I did a shortened version," she defended. She shifted again.

"There's no shortcut version according to Thomas," Calleigh said.

Willow glared.  "I learned how to do it in Sunnydale, Calleigh.  I had to do a lot of things the fast way out there."

Calleigh nodded.  "Hmm.  That was never logged in and the witches in the Devon coven said that you can't do that either."  She shrieked and threw something at them.  The protection the witches had sent at them blocked it.  They had called while they were flying out to say they had heard and were protecting them from their former student.  "That's what I thought you'd say."

John stepped out with his shotgun, getting her in the side with it.  She screamed in pain as she doubled over to hold the injury.  "Rock salt, hurts like a bitch but does no real damage," he said when Horatio gave him an odd look.  "Too much pain means she can't focus."  They moved forward to handcuff her with the cuffs that zapped at your hands so you couldn't cast anything.   She started to chant.

"Can we cocoon her?" Eric asked, covering her mouth.

"I don't think that's legal," Horatio admitted.  "We can sedate her however."  John knocked her out for them.  "Thank you."

"We're sending Giles back to the infirmary.  He's fully gone from what the girls said.  We're getting little robots to check the vents."

"That's fine.  We can take him back if you want," Horatio offered.

"I don't want them on the same plane.  She's been around him often enough and he's in the sort of state where she could animate him and make him do her bidding.  Since he's got magic too...."

Horatio nodded.  "That's reasonable.  Let us take her back."

"If she crashes the plane, I'm making sure she's unbuckled so she gets thrown around," Speed said, smirking at her body.  "Any other cheery news?"

"Some of the oldliners are causing the girls problems.  One came in to complain to Buffy."

"Handle it, John," Horatio ordered.  "Call Wesley and handle it."

"Xander's second-in-command," Calleigh reminded him with a grin.

He smirked back.  "He can come out with the robots then."  He went to make that call.  Dean had apparently anticipated it and sent him with them.  And a sedative for Willow.  "Horatio, they're sending Xander with the robots and the sedative."

"Good."  He walked her inside.  "Eric, Calleigh, do her room.  Speed, find her workroom.  I'll watch her."  They nodded, going to do that.  One of the younger slayers led Speed to her work area.  Another led them to her room.  He nodded politely at the man stomping in.  "She's going back to the base to face charges."

"Figures," he sneered.  "They're both wrong."

"You do remember Xander is second-in-command after Rupert?" he asked.  The man stopped to gape in horror.  He nodded.  "It goes Rupert, Xander, Wesley.  Wesley didn't want the hassle."

"He can't!  He has no idea what we do!"

"You mean besides training the slayers for their duty, hunting beside one for years on end, and dealing with their current crises?" Horatio asked.  The man huffed off.  He waved at his back.  He hated some of the oldliners.  A lot.  That was not going to make anyone happy when Xander got there.

***

John met the plane, taking the box from Xander.  "They're waiting to sedate her so they can leave."

"Of course they are," he agreed, walking over to the lounge where Horatio and Willow were waiting.  He handed him the package.  "From Chase.  Already drawn, just snap off the protective cap and inject into a muscle."

Horatio withdrew the needle and did that, making her whimper.  She fell asleep within a minute.  He looked at him.  "Thank you, Xander.  Beware, they don't like you."

"They're in for a really rude shock since that sort of demon has to be summoned to this plane."  He walked off with John.  They drove back to the new headquarters, making him grimace.  "Gothic much?" he sneered.

"Very," John agreed.  "But it does suit the girls.  It's huge."

"Good.  They'll need it."  They parked and got out, Xander carrying the robots inside.  "Morning," he told the watchers.  "Let's find the sucker so it can be sent home."

"What?" one demanded.  "Who're you?"

"Xander.  As in the second-in-command, DCIS agent Harris."  He stared him down.  The man backed off looking horrified.  He looked at the gremlin who used to help Thomas, who had bugged Horatio earlier.  "I looked up brain suckers with Thomas."  He shuddered.  "Who summoned it?"

"What?"

"It has to be summoned," he said, handing over the information from the top of the box.  "John, it'd like a slightly moist but not really damp, and really dark spot.  It likes dark more than light.  That's why I put on the infrared cameras and the night vision scopes."  He handed them over.  "They also like high places.  They like to feel winds through their tentacles from what one book said."

"I'll start up in the attic," he said.  He nodded for the girls to follow him, getting all but one.  She stared at him.  "C'mon, you're good with electronics."

"I wanted to hug Xander."

"That's fine.  You can help Xander," he agreed.  He knew that look.  She was going to protect Xander.  "Xander, Dean said Cordette did very good.  He got to watch the video and was impressed by how she's been trained."  Xander grinned.

"Your girl?" one asked.

"No, the youngest active slayer," he told him.  "We've been helping her foster family train her since her big brother is FBI."  He shuddered.  "She came to see me when I was negotiating a warrior clan's heir's wedding.  They mock battle at theirs, did you know that?"  He grinned.  "She's only ten but she did very good during them."  He looked at the guy who was puffed up to say something.  "Get it out now."

"You have no authority...."

"Wesley put me ahead of him and Giles agreed," he said bluntly.  "Because I'm still the one doing all the admin stuff.  Including paychecks."  They all backed up at that.   "I don't want to have to turn into an asshole, guys, but who summoned the brain sucking demon?"

"Perhaps it was Rosenburg," one said snidely.  "It appears she's in trouble for that magic crap."

"Willow's a very strong witch but it takes three casters to summon one from another plane and another to anchor it here," Xander said bluntly.  They all glared.  He shrugged.  "Those are the facts as recorded in the books Thomas had in the Carribean library."  He looked around at the idiots.  All seven of them.  "Now, who summoned the demon?"

One lunged at him with a fist balled up.  Xander side-stepped and knocked him down with a fist to the back of the neck.  He looked at the others, seeing them coming at him.  It turned into a brawl.  The slayer got there in time to get the last one.  Xander got the others down.  "They do suck," she told him.

He nodded.  "We know.  Thomas has the good ones at the base."  He grinned at her.  "Thank you."

"You need it.  You're a guy," she said, patting him on the cheek.  "Girls are always stronger."  She kicked the one that tried to move.  "It really had to be summoned?"

"Yup, sure did.  We'll search their rooms soon."

"I'll make sure the other girls know that."  She called one.  "It's me.  Xander said it had to be summoned, it takes three summoners and an anchor to hold it here."  She nodded.  "They're all down.  They attacked Xander when he said that.  Thanks.  Don't leave John alone, just in case."  She hung up.  "Two of the girls will break off to check the other rooms."

"That's cool."  He gave her a hug.  "Get me cuffs?"  She went to do that.  He stared down at them.  "How could you hurt these girls, your sacred charges, by doing such things?" he asked quietly.  "It could have attacked any of them."

"It can't attack virgins," one huffed.

Xander leaned down.  "The girls are uninnocent enough to play with a malicorn," he said bluntly.  "Binky loves all the girls, even the virginal ones."  They all went pale.  "The slayer calling taints them so they're not pure even if they are virgins.  And half the girls here aren't virgins anyway."  He straightened up, staring down at them, arms crossed over his chest.  "Whose bright idea was this?"

"We're not saying anything," one said firmly.

"That's fine, you can argue your case in front of the judge at DCIS."  They all glared.  "Not like we have enough watchers for a tribunal," he said dryly.  "That takes five and with you seven idiots doing this, we're down to only six with me."  He grinned.  "Fucking morons."  He took the handcuffs from her.  "Thank you, my dear."  He cuffed them, then let them sit up.  "Anything else you've summoned to come bite Giles or us?"

"You'll see," one sneered.  "That whole abomination you work for will fall and the slayers will be back where they belong.  Being trained as they should be."

Buffy came down the stairs with a book.  "No we won't.  I'll kill you all myself and Faith will help me before it comes to that."  She handed Xander the book.  "It's in there.  We found that in one's room."

He nodded, looking at it.  "Fairly comprehensive summoning book.  How's your head, Buffy?"

"Hurts a bit but I realized earlier I was missing memories.  I think I've been thinking too hard and that's why I've got a headache."

He smiled.  "Did you have it checked?"

"Yeah.  I made sure it wasn't something like what got Mom the last time I had a bad series of them," she said quietly, looking at her.  He gave her a short hug.  "Thanks, Xander.  Are we going to be okay?"

"We're going to be fine.  We were when it was just me and Wes with you girls."  She relaxed and nodded.  "Now we have Thomas, the Winchesters, and the other good watchers he kept with him."  She smiled.  "It'll be handled.  We'll just have to hire for quality next time instead of proper breeding.  Dawn'll be out in time to handle some of the younger girls as they start coming into their powers."

"Even better.  How is she doing with the stuff with McKay and Carson?  He's the hotty doc with the accent, right?"

"Yeah, that's Carson," he agreed with a small smile.  "They're there working on it.  Somehow they got a mass case of diphtheria.  I just got back myself."  She nodded at that.  "I had went up to get the temple's help.  They made sure I knew I was needed here.  Then they helped me get back here in time to deal with this mess."

"Good."  She batted him on the arm.  "We never have cocoa anymore."

"We can do that while I straighten shit out around here."  She grinned.  "Matt said if I had to I could hire him to interim run things for a few days."  She stared.  "He's off work for about a month due to a shoulder thing.  He helped with the original PT duties at the base."

"I heard about him.  The girls said he was cute and Benny Ray was a hotty with a gun."

He grinned.  "He is, and very tough too."  He looked over as the doors were opened, nodding at the young woman standing there.  "You are?"

"One of the few female watchers," Buffy said dryly.  "That book was in her room."

"Huh."  He held it up.  "Want to explain that?"

"Why were you searching my things?" she demanded calmly in a British accent.

"Because the brain sucking demon had to be summoned," Xander told her.  She went pale, gripping the door.  "Did you have any involvement in that?"

"No!" she said, moving closer.  "I had nothing to do with it!"

"Good, then you can help the girls and John hunt it down," he said.  She nodded.  "He's upstairs.  Any idea where they could have summoned it?"  He saw her hesitate and stared at her.  "Where?"

"There's a small room that we don't use at the end of the hall our resident rooms are on.  One of the workmen said that he had seen some chalk dust on the floor but they haven't done anything to it yet."

"Huh.  Did Giles make a report?"  She shook her head.  "Then we'll look.  Horatio said there's lights that'll expose that sort of thing.  Thank you.  Help Buffy."

"Who're you?" she asked.

"Xander Harris."

"Oh.  You're the second-in-command."  She glanced at one then looked at him.  "Are they in trouble?"

"Just a bit," Buffy said blandly.  "They attacked Xander too."  She led her away.  "John's starting upstairs."

"That's fine.  I heard they like heights.  I was doing some minor research through Thomas when Rupert was first hit."

Xander watched them walk up the stairs, then looked at the slayer, mouthing something.  She nodded, going to make that call from the office.  "What are we going to do with you guys?  Beyond taking you back to the base to face charges?"

"You can't do that, we didn't do anything illegal," one said, trying to get free.

"I can switch those out for the cuffs that block magic," he offered.  That one stopped.  "If you had nothing to do with the summoning then you're only guilty of trying to overthrow the head of the council and assaulting a federal agent."  They all stared.  He wiggled his fingers with a smirk.  "I am a Fed since I do work for DCIS as an agent."  They all scooted back.  "Good idea."  He looked behind him at the forming portal, frowning.  "Hmm.  Who're you?" he asked.

"That seems to be a popular question today."  He walked out and threw his cloak hood back.  "I'm looking for Rupert?"

"He's going back to the base to be treated in the infirmary," Xander said.  "He was attacked by a brain sucking demon.  It took out part of his conscious mind."

"Oh, dear.  He called me last week about something important."

"Did he say what?  Wesley might know," he offered. "Or Buffy."

"No, that he didn't.  Is she here?  I've always wanted to see her."

"Buffy?" he called.  She came to the top of the stairs and gave him an odd look. "Giles called him about something important?"

She came down the stairs.  "About what?"  She smiled.  "Hi."  He kept staring.

"You're very tiny and delicate, Miss Summers."

"It makes the vamps underestimate me," she said with a small grin.  "Why did he call?"

"I'm not fully sure.  Just that it was important.  Something to do with odd magic in the building?  I usually spell clean things for a living."

"Can you pinpoint where the brain sucker was summoned?" Xander asked.  "It could be that he felt it being summoned since you said he called about a week ago."

"It might be," she agreed.  "He got attacked the first time about six days ago."

"Interesting."  He looked up.  "It's off in the attic behind the ones watching out for it and it was summoned, or something was summoned on the second floor."

"Willow summoned a higher demon to handle a tiny problem," Buffy told him.  "She tried to tell Horatio it only took her a few minutes."

He gave her a look.  "She's free?"

Xander rubbed his arm.  "Shocked the hell outta us too since no one told us.  Even the white lighter we have helping Dawn didn't know before we told him."

"That could be a bad thing."  He looked at her.  "Would you care to come with me, Miss Summers?  I'll take you to him so you can talk to him about this.  Let Mr. Harris there blow up these ones since one was responsible for the bomb that let you have a year's nap."

"Really?"

He pointed.  "The residue is on him."

"That's good to know.  Sure, let's go visit Leo."  He nodded, taking her with him.  She landed at the new house the witches were hiding at, making Phoebe jump up.  "Chill, he brought me."

"I didn't think we needed you exposed to the magic going on in the building," he told her gently.

She called Xander's phone.  "Heavy magic going on.  He evac's me for that."  She nodded.  "Good to know."  She hung up.  "He was talking to Ethan on the main phone."  He shuddered.  "I think he can handle that part.  Ladies, is Leo here?"

"He's up checking on some of the elders.  Why?" Phoebe asked.

"Because we wanted to know how Willow got free," she said.  The witches all stared at her.  "I don't think they let her free.  Something seemed a bit off about her.  She seemed...harder maybe?  Plus she supposedly did a quick summoning of a higher demon for a small problem."

"Not to mention the coercion spell," Xander said as he appeared.  "Ethan sent me just before the whole lower level went up in smoke.  Literally.   He said it felt like Giles and Willow working together.  I told him about the brain sucker and he said she had to have made him do it."  He looked at the witches, who were stunned.  "They're fine, it was sleeping gas.  He sent the morons of the universe to the base.  John got all the girls outside.  One got grabbed by the brain sucker on the way so John got it outside too and killed it there."  He smirked.  "The one with you?"

"Used to act in high school.  She said she wanted to do Broadway but her parents were watchers," Buffy told him.

"Hmm.  Interesting."  He looked at the witches, waving a hand.  "Yes, us."

"Where's Willow?" Piper asked.

"Horatio has her.  We sedated her before she got on the plane."

"Good idea," Piper agreed.  She looked at her sisters.

"Where's Dawn?" Paige asked.  "I can't feel her."

"With McKay," Xander told her.  "There was a diphtheria outbreak."

"Oooh.  That's bad."

"She had to move some meds for them," he told her.  "She's fine, just tired.  She'll be back once she's not as tired."  Buffy looked at him.  "Weak magic area," he explained.  "She spent a few hours on an IV.  I got her something that she had loaded with stored power.  She's better.  She'll be back when House is."

"Good," Buffy said.  "I should hug her for that."

Xander nodded.  "She'd like that."  He grinned.  "So...."

"Leo?" Paige called.  He appeared.  "Did they let Willow out or did she somehow break out?"

"She broke out," he said, looking at Xander.  "She'll get free of the sedative long before it's time to land."

"Horatio can knock her out."

"She can do magic just by speaking.  Most do need a gesture or something but some is purely mental.  Like levitating."

Xander just nodded, texting that warning to Horatio.  "Okay.  Thanks for the warning.  How did she get out?"

He shrugged.  "We have no idea."

"Good.  That higher demon?"

"Banished," the sisters said in unison.

"Even better since I kinda don't remember it," Buffy said.

Phoebe pulled her closer to look at.  "You do have memory blocks.  Shoot.  That'll take a bit."  The demon ran a hand over her hair, making Buffy smile when the spells on her were absorbed.  "You're damn handy to know," she said with a smile.

"Yes, my kind are."

Xander handed over a card.  "You need us, you let us know."  He smiled.  "Thank you for helping Buffy."

"You're most welcome.  Is there any idea why Giles summoned me?"

He nodded.  "Ethan got a call the same day.  He did feel someone summoning something.  He wanted you to spell clean the building and make sure nothing like that could be summoned inside it.  Can we talk about that in about a week?  When we know what we can do for Giles?"

"I would enjoy such a contract."

Xander smiled.  "Good.  Come see me and Wes on the base in a week.  We'll have the arrangements made then."

"Agreed."  They shook hands and he left.

Xander looked at Buffy then at the witches.  "We've got to get back there.  I've got some watchery ass to kick and she's probably got to soothe the girls if they haven't pounced John as an alternate dad.  Ethan?" he called.  "Can Buffy and I come back?"  He waved as they disappeared, waving as they appeared in front of John.  "Did killing it keep it from giving Giles back his mind?"

"No.  The research said it ate it," he said quietly.  "Chase and Thomas were already talking about it.  I told him we had it captured since it didn't list a handy way of killing it.  Thomas told me that."

"Good."  He looked at Buffy, who looked a bit green.  "Go puke."  She went to do that.  He looked at the other watcher.  "Broadway?  You're not going to strive for Hollywood or even Bollywood?"  She backed away slowly.  The girls knocked her down to sit on her.  "Okay.  Which ones of the eight summoned it?" he asked Ethan.

"Seven of the ones in the entry did with her.  The one that wasn't mentioned was the reason for the blood in the basement."  John shuddered.  "Quite a charming pack he had here."

"Yeah," Xander said dryly.  "Have to fix that.  Thank you.  Are you going to visit Giles?"

"I can see if I can help.  Where is Miss Summers?"

"With McKay on a classified project," he told him.

"Ah.  All right then."  He disappeared with that last watcher.

Xander looked at John and the girls, then at Buffy.  "Want him for a few days until we can arrange things?"

"Please.  Are you taking Giles' desk back?"

"Yup.  Since I'm doing it anyway," he said blandly, making her smile.  "Okay, let me go clean up Giles' desk.  John, can you be head watcher for a day or so?  Until we get with Wes and Thomas?"

"Sure, I can do that for at least a week."

"Good.  The contractors are very good.  I've been checking over their shoulder with the demon maid we have.  She said they've been doing good work so they shouldn't bother you any.  I asked the demon that took Buffy to come talk to us in a week about spell cleaning and blocking off further summoning in the building."  That got another nod and a smile.  "He said he could do that.  That's what he does for a living.  So let me do that so you can rest.  Let me know if you hear anything about how she got free.  Leo said they weren't sure yet.  Or if she manages to crash the plane on Horatio's team."

"I can do that," he agreed.  He watched the boy head inside, looking at the girls.  "You girls did good."

"Can we have ice cream?" one asked, bouncing against his arm.

"There's none in the house," Buffy reminded her.

"We need to let the place air out anyway," John told her.  "We can take a small field trip if you girls can get the card from Xander."  They ran up to do that.  Buffy grinned before heading inside.  He called Dean.  "I'm going to be here for a few days.  Watch your sister for me."  He hung up, heading after the hyper slayers.  He had forgotten how bouncy some of them really were.

***

Xander walked into Wesley's office the next morning, handing over a stack of folders.  "Pick from them who you want to train as a watcher.  Giles had the files of other offspring that took the training but hadn't fully passed through."

"We lost all of them?"

"Seven summoned it, one was doing blood magic using the raccoons and squirrels from out back.  Yes, you did."  He walked off.  "I've got all the admin stuff.  John's there until we can get him a replacement."

"I'll look these over today," he agreed.  He got to work.  He knew most of them. He knew some would have made wonderful watchers but they got told they thought too much.  Well, that was a skill they appreciated so that was good for them.  He narrowed down the list to ten by dinner that night, finding Xander ready to pull out his hair.  "Did he bollix something?"

"Oh, so very badly," he agreed.  He leaned back.  "He signed a maintenance contract with a group that doesn't do maintenance."  Wesley gave him an odd look.  "There's three other
contracts that have odd parts in them.  Is Wolfram and Hart still going?  This looks like some of their work that Cordy warned me about."

Wesley came over to look over his shoulder.  "Indeed that is.  Hmm, possibly someone that wasn't arrested started their own firm?"

"Maybe.  They're all the same lawyer."

"I'll have Gunn check up on them," he said, taking one to call him.  "Then we'll see if it's a case or not."

"Thanks, Wes.  Any luck?"

"I have ten to recruit immediately.  Another two I want to interview."

"Go for it.  Or send Thomas."

Wesley smirked.  "A vacation back at home?"

"If you want.  You do nearly as much as I do and I do two jobs."  Wesley smiled, heading out to talk to his buddy.  Xander went to dinner, finding all the girls staring at him.  "What?  Cleveland's fine.  John's staying while we get better watchers.  Instead of ones doing blood magic from small, furry things in the basement."  He sat down.  "Any news on Giles?" he asked Faith.  She'd know.

"Not yet.  They're still doing tests.  D's back."

"Good.  She resting?"  She nodded quickly.  "We hand her the other stuff she had stored power in?"

"Sammy did," she told him.

He grinned.  "Even better.  I'll check on her after dinner."  She relaxed.  "Everything but a few contracts are fine, Faith.  Relax.  Wes is checking into those because they looked suspiciously like Wolfram and Hart's stuff."  She shuddered.  "So we'll see.  We'll handle it.  You know very well almost nothing's going to get past John.  He was even taking the girls out for ice cream last night."

"We heard.  They found a demon ice cream shop.  Horrified Papa Scruffy horribly," she said with an evil smirk.  "Though he said it was some of the best ice cream he's ever had."  Xander laughed, making her happier.  "Dean and Sammy sent their friend Bobby that note so he could send John some holy water to make sure he was fine and not possessed again.  Little B laughed her butt off so hard she fell out of a chair.  Which meant Dean got to fuss."

"Dean's good at it.  Nearly as good as I am," he agreed.

"You can fuss over D," she reminded him.

"I will be."  He leaned closer.  "Any word from Leo?" he hissed.  She shook her head.  "Anything on the underground?"

"They said it had to be powerful.  They don't think it was demonic.  She's downstairs in the special cell if you wanted to talk to her."

He considered it then shook his head.  "No.  I don't.  That's Horatio's case."

She nodded.  "Good choice.  You've been making a few of those recently.  I almost don't recognize you as the guy I once groped and insulted."

He smirked.  "I know, but now and then I have to make a bad one to keep my naughtiness in check."

She burst out laughing.  "You, naughty?"

"He's very naughty," Anna said.  "That's why you went to the prom."

She smirked at her.  "I forgot."  She kicked Xander under the table.  "Fine, you can be slightly naughty."

He winked. "I can be more naughty but it might shock the girls if I went out trolling at the club again."

"Why make more work for the nice agents?" she quipped.  "Slip onto your back for one of them instead.  It'd be good for you."

He shook his head.  "If they wanted me that way, all they had to do was ask.  None of them have so none of them want me that way.  That's a hitch in you girls' plan to get me to go fully gay."

She gave him a long look.  "Stress relief," she said quietly.

He shrugged.  "Was what it was.  Hasn't happened since.  So clearly not his thing," he muttered.

She shook her head.  "His loss, boytoy.  His loss."

He grinned.  "I'd offer but you seem to have an extra fussy one of your own."

"Yup, I seem to," she agreed.  "I have no idea what I'm doing with him sometimes but I do seem to have one."

Xander grinned.  "Do whatever you feel like.  Not like he's going to complain."

"Good point.  He said we could date forever if I wanted."

He nodded.  "That might be good for you.  Instead of the stress of formal stuff, the easy going dating stuff."

"I could handle less stress."  She looked up as Dean and Sam walked in, grinning some.

He kicked her under the table, grinning at her.  "I give that same look to twinkies."

"Well, he does taste good," she quipped, making Dean splutter.  She winked at him.  He smirked back.  "He said it first."

"I like you more than him.  We'd have to compare gun sizes."  He kissed her.  "Eat.  You might be heading back to Cleveland."

"Why?  Is Buffy heading overseas?" Xander asked.

Dean looked at him.  "You are back."

"Yup, have been for most of the day.  You were hiding."

"I was doing your paperwork, duffus."

Xander grinned.  "I'd hug you but you might like it."

"Hug Sammy, he's emo that way and likes hugs," Dean told him.

"I don't think I'm in his configuration for hugs," Xander said blandly.

"Maybe, I don't know.  Sammy, do you think you'd like Xander hugs?"

Sam shrugged.  "Don't know, only had the one.  I know he cuddles.  Dawn said so."

"How would Dawn know?" Anna asked him.

"Dawn needed cuddled a few times," Xander told her.  "Like after her mom died."

"Oh.  I didn't remember that.  Sorry."

"It happens."  He grinned.  "Eat.  You're getting too skinny."

"You're a big brother, not the slayer team's mother," Anna joked.

Xander smirked.  "With Giles in the infirmary, we're back to me doing it with Wes."  They all shuddered.   "Speaking of, Wes is going to go talk to the other Watchery offspring to see if they want to come back or not.  Some got tossed out of the training program for having a brain.  Clearly we need that in Cleveland."  He ate another bite, shaking his head.  Horatio was staring at him so he looked over.  "What's up, Horatio?"

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine.  Are you?  We were warned she might try to crash the plane."

"She did try.  Speed pointed out she'd be the first to die since she wasn't hitched down.   Eric offered to blow out a window to toss her out of.  She pouted the rest of the trip."

Xander nodded.  "She seems to do that," he agreed calmly.  He didn't realize he was rubbing his arm until Faith reached over to stop him.  "Huh?"  He looked down.  "Sorry."

"I've rubbed some of my own when the memories hit," she said quietly.

He shrugged.  "We don't have them anymore.  That's probably a good thing."  He looked at Horatio.  "Did you want the stuff from her room?  You left it on the plane so I had it brought back."

"We did.  The prosecutor was most pleased to see her."

Xander shrugged.  "Sometimes the dark has the better offer," he admitted.  "Sometimes you want to take it, and you delude yourself into thinking that you're doing the right thing."

"I understand.  She did want to talk to you."  He watched as Xander looked at his arm then shook his head before looking up at him.  "Are you certain?"

"Yeah.  If I want to talk to her, I've got years probably."

"True.  She's looking at five felony counts."  Xander grimaced but nodded at that information.  "You can come talk to us.  Remember that."

"I will.  Thanks, Horatio.  And for letting me know."

"Not a problem, Xander.  How is Cleveland holding up?"

"John hasn't called to have us save him yet," he quipped with a grin.  "Wes is going to look for people who have sense among the other trainee watchers.  It's not that much more work for me.  I was doing most of it anyway."  That got a nod.  "Are they being charged soon?"

"Already took a deal," Horatio said.  "There's a special section of the prison for them.  We moved some people around so they could have their own solitary ward."

"We did put magic dampeners in that area?" Xander asked.  "Watcher training includes at least the basics of Wicca style magic.  One was using blood magic and the others summoned an other-plane demon."

"We did," Mac assured him.  "We made sure first."

Xander grinned.  "Thanks, guys.  You take some of the hassle off me."

Daniel looked over.   "You and Fargo do the same for me," he said with a smile of his own.

Xander smirked.  "That's how I get into those situations where YouTube is amused."

"Don't remind me," Danny said.  "Dean showed off the video of Cordette.  She looked very good."

"Don has been doing a fantastic job with her," he agreed. "I gave them a copy."

"I sent her critiques of it and a lot of it was praise," Dean told him.  "I also mentioned that the tripping problem would be solved when she quit growing.  That was usual for a growth spurt so she wouldn't worry about it."

"She's a good girl," Xander said.  "She does Alan's raising proud."  They all smiled.  "Any other good news?"

"Not much," Dean said.  "Did you do watcher paychecks?"

"Last week.  Is it due this week?" he asked, looking hesitant.

"Thomas said one of his gremlins didn't get one."

"Do I have paperwork on him?"

"Not real sure," Dean admitted.  "I couldn't find any."

"I'll get with him after I check on Dawn."  They all smiled.  "She's my little sister.  She comes before paychecks."  He finished eating, stealing some dessert before the girls ate it all, then headed to check on Dawn in her room.  "Hey," he said, smiling when she blinked up at him.  "Still sleepy?"

"Still have a headache," she admitted, letting him give her a hug.  "Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome, Dawn."  He sat on the side of her bed.  "How are you feeling beyond the headache?"

"A bit sore and achy.  Like I've got the flu.  I managed to not drain two of my storage pieces.  I'll refill them this winter."  She plucked at her blanket.  "Am I okay?"

"As far as I know.  Why wouldn't you be?"

"House has been extra fussy like he thinks I'm a great specimen."

"Well, you are, and nearly legal for him to hit on," he joked.  "I'll make sure."  She nodded, pulling him down for another hug.  He gave her the cuddle she needed.  "I'm impressed.  You did great work, Dawnie."

"Thanks, Xander."  She let him go.  "Go bother other people.  I need rest to shop for my new apartment."  He nodded, leaving her alone once he had her tucked back in.  She grinned at her door.  He was such a fussy, silly big brother sometimes.

Xander walked into the infirmary, finding Thomas.  "Give me ten minutes and we'll go over the paycheck dilemma?"

"That'd be fine, Xander.  Are you banged up again?" he asked.

"Dawn wanted a technical question asked."  He sat down to wait, not watching while House finished Thomas's injury.  Thomas left, leaving him and House alone in the infirmary.  "Dawn said you've been looking at her like she's got some vile, strange disease you can name after yourself," he said quietly.

"She's paranoid.  I'm learning what I can about magical exhaustion.  Not like I saw a case before, as far as I know."

Xander nodded.  "That's what I thought it might be but she was worried because you've been fussing."

"She needed it since you were off making the city of Cleveland safe."

"All I had to do was arrest the bastards out there," he quipped.  "John's in charge for right now."

"That's reasonable.  The girls will listen to him."  He came over.  "What else is wrong?"

He sighed, looking at him.  "For hating people, you read them awfully well."

He smirked.  "It's my BS detector that I gained from my years of clinic duty."

He shrugged.  "Willow wanted to talk to me."

"Are you going to get to smack her around?"

"No.  It'd be wrong with her in the jail."

House stared him down.  "Still getting phantom pains in your arm when she's mentioned?"  Xander nodded.  "Do you get them at other times?"

"It twinges more than the usual pain when I hit that memory.  Even when we're talking about something other than her it twinges."

"Any other times?"

"When I get around heavy magic.  I can always tell when Dawn's portaling in because it suddenly twitches."

"So it attuned you," he said.  Xander shrugged.  "Any other instances?"

"I kinda had that twinge in Georgia.  That hit almost when the 'oh shit' feeling hit."

"So very heavy magic there and he used a portal to move in.  Does regular, non-portal, heavy magic make it twinge?"  Xander nodded.  "Very interesting.  Have we scanned it recently?"

"Yeah.  The physical break is gone.  Maybe it is mental.  Faith caught me rubbing it while Horatio talked to me."

"Maybe."  He patted him on the head.  "Go pay Thomas's little gremlin friend."

"Is it the pale, jaundiced one?" he asked.

House thought about it.  "The one that's slightly green tinged from the gold poisoning."

"Wonderful."  He walked up there, finding Thomas had went to his office.  He walked out, pulling up the roster of current watchers for him.  Plus he looked in the filing cabinet.  "Rostin?"

"Yes, Xander."

He found the empty file, showing it to him.  "We have a file and nothing in it."

"He said he shouldn't have to refill out the forms since he did when he was hired."

"That building blew up too," Xander pointed out, sitting behind his desk.

"According to him, it was online."

"If so, none of us knew about it."  He looked at him.  "Is it?"

He shrugged.  "I have no idea what the Council was doing with their new internet connections."

"Is there anyone who would?  And who could track down the site and things?"

"No idea.  Asters, who you had arrested for blood magic, perhaps.  What was he doing with it?"

"He wanted to work his way up to sacrificing Willow to take her power."  They shared a look.  That guy would be an ass if he had any real power.  "I put that in the notes for the judge.  That way they can see if they want to charge him with more than trying to attack me and assaulting furry creatures."

"Blood magic is so trite," he complained.  "He couldn't think of a better plan?"

"Apparently not."  He yawned.  "If we had more watchers, I wouldn't have went with the judge, I would have went with the tribunal, but we only have six of us until Wes hires more."

"I know one came up with me.  Who hired the others?"  Xander pointed toward the main building.  "Rupert?"

"They got through the training and were in the field," he said dryly.  "Unless he can find the online version of his records and therefore the watcher server, he's got to fill out the forms so I can consider him employed.  I'm not doing a background check but since we do go through the government's database for these things, we'll end up reporting him if he owes back child support or something."

"I'll tell him that.  Are there any other folders with missing content?"

Xander got up to look, frowning at his.  "Mine's empty.  Wes's is empty.  Looks like yours is full."  He found another one.  "Peters?"

"One who was arrested, that was the female."

"Hmm."  He tossed them down.  "I have no idea and Wes can tell me hopefully."

"I'll send both of them down.  Thank you."

"Welcome.  We'll talk about back pay and things later."  Thomas nodded, leaving him alone.  Wesley leaned in a few minutes later.  "Would you know why my file, your file, and the file of one of the now-arrested ones are empty?"

"No, I have no idea," he admitted, coming over to look.  "Oh, those files.  I have those in my office for safekeeping.  Hers had a restraining order against her ex-husband.  Yours and mine were too sensitive to leave in a simple locked cabinet."

Xander nodded at that.  "Okay.  Next time leave me a note?"

"I can do that," he offered with a smile.

"Do we want to move them somewhere more secure?"

"Once Cleveland is set up we may."

"Asters said that he had his stuff online?"

"I know they were trying to put all the records online but I have no idea if they succeeded or not."  Wesley sat down in Thomas' former chair.   "Is that why he's not being paid?"

"I don't have anything on him.  I can't pay him."  He shrugged.  "If they did, who would know that's still around?"

"They'd need a secure server somewhere that it wouldn't get a lot of notice."  He considered it.  "I have no idea.  Can we have Sam look?"

"That's not a bad idea."

"I'll ask him on my way to my room.  He's visiting with Dawn."  He stood up.  "Thank you for handling these issues."

Xander looked at him.  "I was doing it anyway, Wes.  If Cleveland is done before we have a new titular head, are you moving back there?"

He nodded.  "I might, yes.  I haven't decided yet.  The library will remain here until Thomas has it all in a format Daniel likes.  Things will still be settling in for years to come."

"Good point.  Thanks, Wes."  He nodded, leaving him alone to the paperwork headaches he'd have soon.  Asters stomped in.  "Can you find the online version to print out?"

"No, I can't," he said grimly.

"Then you've got a lot of filling out to do," he said, finding a packet to hand to him.  "I need that done before I can start paying you.  We'll talk about backpay sometime soon."  He nodded, leaving him alone with his reports.  He looked over one, frowning.  "Cho's back there, right?" he muttered, calling India.  "Marge, isn't Cho back?"  He listened to her, grimacing.  "No, we know Willow stole her.  We know she took a flight back a few days ago.  She's not back yet?"  He covered the mouthpiece.  "Wesley, find where Cho is," he yelled.  He went back to her.  "He'll see if we can find her.  No, there was a problem in Cleveland beyond Willow," he admitted.

"It was...not pretty, Marge.  No, none of the girls died.  Some of the oldline watchers summoned a brain sucking creature that got Giles," he offered.  She laughed.  "Well, kinda.  Anyway, he's in the infirmary.  John's in Cleveland until we can find someone to replace him.  Buffy's still senior there.  If you need us, yell.  We'll tell you when we find Cho or you call if she gets back first.  Okay?"  He grinned.  "Good girl and happy, safe hunting, Marge."  He hung up, resting his head against his chair's back.

Sam leaned in.  "We have a possible link to the watchers council old server.  We're not sure since it's an underground source and they said they never had the password."

"See if McGee or Abby can hack it in their spare time?"

"I can do that."  He grinned since Xander had his eyes closed.  "Bad problems?"

"Minor things.  Cho never made it home.  India had a pretty high demon show up to try to wed one of them."  He sighed.  "It's been a long few days."

Sam walked in to make him stop rubbing his arm.  "It'll get better."

Xander blinked up at him.  "Promise?"

"I do."

Xander frowned, looking at his arm.  "Heavy magic's going on."  They rushed out to see what was going on.  Dean was out there looking around too.  So he felt something was off.  He frowned at the night.  It was very quiet.  Even the small amount of noise from the road was covered up.  They all looked toward the gate as something started to twinkle that way.  "Dean, get weapons, just in case, because I hope I've got the wrong feeling," he ordered quietly.  Dean ran for the armory.  Sam took his gun when Dean came back, moving to a position slightly behind Xander but off to his right.  Dean mimicked him but tried to move in front of Xander.  Xander shook his head, getting away from them.  He checked his gun.  It was loaded.  It had nine shots.  He looked up as the twinkling increased and then a sonic boom went off above them.  They glanced up to see a fire trail but on the ground were now a whole clan of demons.  The alarms on the base, the magical and non-magical both, started to shriek.  Xander moved forward.  "You are on the DCIS base.  Why are you trespassing at this time of night?" he demanded cooly.

"You have imprisoned one of us," their leader said.  "We want him back."

"We try all people who do wrong by the law.  If he's in our prison, he deserves to be there."

"Human laws do not apply to our kind," he sneered.  "Move, human.  Or die."

Xander pulled up his gun.  "You first."  The demons sneered and a few laughed.  "Let me repeat myself.  I am Xander Harris, knight to the slayers, the Slayer's Protector.  DCIS agent."  A few backed off at that.  "You're fucking with my people and I do not like it.  Get off my base.  If you have a doubt about their guilt, you bring a polite challenge to our director and he'll look into it."

"We are not bound by human laws," the leader sneered, moving closer.  "You would not harm me.  You're human."

Xander shot him and looked down at him then at the others.  "Anyone else want to speak for your group?"

One younger woman moved forward.  "That was undoubtfully rude," she complained.

He stared at her.  "Threatening the base is stupid," he replied.  "We can and will protect it.  Now, if you have a *polite* challenge, I can get our director to hear it tonight while no more than an honor guard stays with you.  This is your choice to press a threatening action."

She sneered.  "You're too full of yourself.  You do nothing here but torture others."

"No, sweetie, my original team helped take down the Initiative."  She gasped.  "Yeah, I'm from the Sunnydale crew."  Faith jogged out.  He felt something.  "Faith, slayers back!" he shouted.  "They've got something that'll kill you guys."

"Okay," she agreed, stopping the girls behind Dean.  "We're good here?"

He nodded without having to look.  "Yeah, you are."  He continued to stare that one down.  "Do you have a *polite* challenge?"

"Humans aren't worth talking to or teaching manners," she said.

He shrugged.  "Your loss."  He pointed his gun at her.  "Your choice.  Leave or join your clansman on the ground."

"You can't kill us.  He'll get up in a while."

He pointed behind him.  "I'm sure we can start a fire.  If I can't, Dean and Sam probably can."  She gaped at them, bowing slightly to Sam, who sneered and growled.  She backed off.  "Now, why don't you come back when you have a polite challenge to whichever person is in the jail?"

"Because we will not be denied.  If we must, we'll take down this whole misbegotten, son of satan's crap pile to get to them," she said, flicking a hand.

Xander shot her and a few others.  Behind him, Dean, Sam, and the other agents went for wounding shots.  Anyone who stepped too close got him.  He ran out of bullets just as the magic user was shown.  He was chanting a spell, which he heard the word slayers as part of.  "Get him!" he shouted, moving out of the way.  Calleigh got him.  He grinned at her.  "Nice shot."

"Thank you."  She moved forward to check.  "What was he doing?"

"He was going to harm the slayers.  That's what the spell was saying."  He checked a few, they were groaning.  The ones he had gotten were dead.  The female was whimpering in pain.  He stared down at her.  "You doubted humans?" he asked her.

"You will pay!  They will take this out of your hide, human!"

He sneered.  "Get in line.  Higher demons than you or any you've ever served in any manner want me for what I can do.  You're pathetic and not worthy of being on the same plane I am.  Now, leave before I finish you off."  She screamed something.  A few more people came in.  Dean and Jack, from the armory, got them.  Another magic user went down thanks to Faith's gun.  He stared at her then the mess.  "You done yet?"

"If we have to throw all our lives away, he will not live in a human jail!" she shouted weakly.

"It's a demon jail," Xander told her simply.  She shuddered, trying to scoot back.  "No, you violated our base and our grounds.  You came to hurt our people.  You can join him down there."  He walked off, handing Daniel his gun.  "We need cuffs and she needs a bullet removed."  He went to get them from the armory while the others covered.  He came back to cuff her personally, then handed her to the waiting docs.  "She's so concerned about that one clansmember of hers, put her with him."

House nodded.  "We can do that once she's charged."  He walked her off, taking her to clean her up so she could go to the jail.  The other agents got the rest of them and it was easier.  Xander watched, sneering at the living ones.  The dead ones Thomas was looking up to see if they had burial rites or anything they had to do.  He came out with a sheet of paper, handing it to Daniel.

"We need to bury them facing west and face down," Daniel said.

Dean looked at him.  "What if we just had a bonfire?"

"They'd get pissed and attack again," Daniel told him.

Dean nodded.  "Then I guess we can.  How deep do we have to bury them?"

"About tree root deep according to the notes he found.  They break down fairly quickly."

Xander pointed.  "Put them on a truck, take them to the back forty fo the base.  Put them by the old back gate," he suggested, looking at Daniel, who smiled.  "Thank you."

"You had to prove your rep," he said quietly.  "Don't do it again."

"We felt it first," he offered.  "Dean and I did.  Sam followed me."  He looked over with a frown.  "Dean, how did you know?"

"I felt you being uneasy."

Sam nodded.  "His arm twinges when there's heavy magic."  Another sonic boom went off.  "What is that?" he demanded, looking up.

Daniel went into the security office to call someone.  "This is Doctor Daniel Jackson, director of DCIS.  We're hearing sonic booms above the base."  He listened to the report.  "You're sure?"  He nodded.  "I'll find that out then, thank you."  He hung up and called another number.  "It's Daniel Jackson.  Are the sonic booms above us you guys?"  He listened then nodded.  "That's fine.  With the temporary housing, we'll just barely fit.  That'd be reasonable.  Thank you."  He hung up and came out.  "Jack, the Daedalus is back," he said in his ear.  "They're coming here."

"We're sure?"  Daniel nodded.  "I'll get Cloris up so she can open all the rooms.  How many?"

"Many more than we have beds but some can have couches.  They'll figure it out.  Put somewhere safe aside for their weapons."

Xander raised a hand.  "Can we know?  I know Bauer did covert stuff but some of us would probably realize it anyway by in the morning."

"McKay's group is down."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "Well, someone can have my couch and the pullout in my office if we need it."

Daniel smiled.  "I might do that, Xander.  Help the security guys?"

"Sure.  Girls, bedtime," he ordered.  "Let us clean up this mess."  They pouted but went to do that.  He, Sammy, and Dean walked over to the bodies, waiting on a truck.  "Should we wrap them?" he asked Daniel when he walked over.

"No.   Nothing between them and the ground, guys.  Sorry, I know it's messy."

"We did them in, we should be able to handle the battlefield clean up," Dean said.  "Usually we just salt and burn but I guess we can do it this way too."  Xander grinned.  One of the security guys pulled a maintenance truck up, letting them heave the bodies into the back.  They rode out with them, finding a good, easy to dig spot back by the old back gate.  They even took turns digging.  By the time they were done, they were sweaty and nasty.  They took a short break then heaved in the bodies.  Heads going west, face down.  Sam had to get into the hole to flip one over but that happened when you were tossing.  Then they got to fill in the hole and ride back to their apartments.  Xander walked in and found people crashed.  Well, they wouldn't wake up if he took a shower.  He checked his bed.  It was still free so he was happy enough he guessed.

***

Once the truck had moved off, Daniel looked over as the first beam came down, smiling at the man.  "Jack."

"Danny."  He gave him a hand shake.  "Hate to intrude but the sickness was going to start again if we didn't."

"I don't mind.  We have the temporary housing and a few free apartments.  Plus some of us have couches and things."

"Good, because we brought everyone."  That got a nod.  He called up.  "It's me.  It's safe."  He put the radio back into his pocket.  "What was that?"

"A minor base assault.  We've had worse.  And I don't think this is the one that Xander and Sam have been edgy about."  He shrugged.  "They just took off to bury bodies."

"That's wonderful," he said grimly.

"We don't want to insult their people and make more attack so we'll do it their way."  More people started to appear.  Armory Jack came out with Cloris in a robe.  "I know it's late."

"It's not that late.  I was in the tub, Doctor Jackson."  She looked at them.  "How many?" she asked Jack.  He gave her a manifest list.  She grimaced.  "Those who have rooms, hit them," she ordered.  The few who had been there went to find their beds.  Rodney pulled Sheppard with him, earning a smile from Daniel and Jack.  "It's make-shift but we can find you something soft to nap on for now," she said.  She led them to the temporary quarters, putting them in as fast as she could.  Daniel told her a few could have Xander's couch and pull-out couch.  So she added a few there.  He wouldn't touch the female officers, he was a good boy.

The twenty who were left got the camping supplies in the gym.  That solved all but six who Daniel got supplies from John and Dean's stuff for.  With John's permission since he called him to warn him about that assault.  They settled in and he warned their cook they had doubled the size of the base.  She sighed but promised she could handle it.  Or the girls could help her.  Daniel went to check in with Jack, finding out what was going on.  He found him in his office talking to his replacement.  "Anything I should know?"

"It's not pretty," Jack said.  "We lost twelve from the diphtheria.  We lost another two to the fever that started right afterward.  Our base is overloaded so there's no room for them there."

"You guys are part of us," Danny reminded him, getting a weak grin.  "If we have to, we'll go buy more cots tomorrow."  Jack nodded.  "Go rest, Jack."

"I'll do my best.  I've got four people in my place."

"Do I?"

"No, your spare bed wasn't touched because the last time I knew it was covered in books."

"I was resorting my bookshelves.  It should be free.  Besides, I almost miss your snoring while camping somewhere strange."

"DCIS isn't strange enough?" he quipped back.

"Not usually."  He hung up on the conference call and dragged Jack back to his place, letting him have the spare bed.  It had a few books, three or four, which Jack  nicely piled underneath it for him.  Then Jack got a shower.  Danny got a shower, and they both went to sleep.  He really had missed hearing Jack snore while they camped in some strange place.

***

Xander got up late the next morning and felt like hell.  He hadn't slept well at all.  He got up and wandered out to his kitchen, ignoring the giggling.  In his sleep-deprived state, it could've been the slayers giggling at his boxers.  He didn't care.  He waved listlessly at them, heading directly for the coffee.  At least until his phone rang.  He grunted into it, then grunted a second time when the words got through.  He took his coffee with him to get dressed, hiking over to the main building once he was prepared.  Still not awake, but more prepared.  He walked into the office, grunting at Daniel.

"No sleep?" he asked.

"Very little.  Nightmares."  He sipped from his cup, looking at him.  "Am I in trouble for taking the lead last night?"

"No.  Though a few have wondered.  I pointed out your rep was scarier than we all were.  You had gotten a few to back off.  You did well as a spokesman for the base and reacted in a timely manner.  No one's saying anything."  Xander gave him a slight smile.  "The bodies?"

"Buried like Thomas said."

"Good."  He smiled, leaning on his desk.  "How bad is this new Council oversight going to tax you?"

Xander scowled.  "Huh?"

Daniel smiled.  "Want some more coffee, first, Xander?"  Xander smiled and nodded.  "Fine, go get some from the caf and come back up here with breakfast."  Xander nodded, trudging that way, finishing his cup on the way.  Daniel smiled at his back.  Sleepy Xander was adorably confused.

Jack leaned in.  "You look like that after a few days of researching and then a long crash on top of your books."

"Giles got attacked by a brain sucking demon."

"Like literally?"

"Like it took his consciousness and ate it," he told him.  "He's in the coma ward.  They're not sure what they can do about him.  Which puts Xander back in command.  John Winchester's out there right now."

"I'm sure he's enjoying the hellmouth."  He shuddered.  "I'm used to strange stuff from what we did, but sometimes their job gives me a headache."

"Me too but it has to be done by someone.  I'm glad he heard the magic user or whatever and got the girls back so they wouldn't be hurt."  Jack smiled.  "Any idea which one they were coming for?"

"I think DiNozzo was looking into that.  Hey, DiNozzo?"

"Yeah?" he called.  He came that way to lean into the office as well.  "What's up, Danny?"

"Who did they want to free?"

"Their prince and the second mouthpiece's husband.  He was convicted of arms ferrying a few months back.  He's in for ten years.  We moved him and those who survived last night to a clan cell then upped the monitoring."

"Good idea.  Thank you."

"Welcome."  Xander poked him until he looked back and grinned.  "Sleepy?" he teased lightly.  Xander nodded.  "It'll be okay, Xander."  Xander gave him a hurt look.  "You'll wake up soon."

"He said I'm not in trouble."

"No you're not," Tony agreed.  "We expected you to do something like that after some of the trouble you get into."  Xander gave him a shy grin.  "Eat, have more caffeine.  Your desk only has one envelope on it.  I'm not sure if it's a case or not."  He left them alone to talk.   "Guys, Xander's half asleep," he told them.  "He's a bit confused."

"It happens to the best of us," Calleigh said, chipper as always.  "He's an hour late too."

"He probably just got up.  He had to bury the bodies with the Winchester boys."  He sat down to go back to his present research case.

Xander sat down in front of Daniel's desk, putting his plate and precious coffee in front of him.  He grunted at Daniel once his mouth was full of food.

Daniel smiled.  "How much extra time is doing more of the Council's work going to take, Xander?"

He shrugged then swallowed.  "I'm doing most of it now.  As long as Wes can find someone suitable to run Cleveland or head back there himself for a while, it'll be less worse than it was at first.  Didn't mean to rhyme."

"It happens when we're nearly asleep," he said gently, getting another grin. "So no extra time being needed?"

Xander shook his head slowly.  "I set it up so even Giles could handle it when he was half-asleep.  Or Buffy.  I'm still doing most of it anyway.  So not much more often."

"Good.  I don't want to overwork you."  Xander grinned at that.  "You know, we do have those agents who've retired back to normal life if you want to talk to them about taking watcher training."

"I'll tell Wes, that's his job.  Mine's to make sure the slayers are all right and fed and stuff."  He ate another bite.  "She did good for having a starving military base join us."

"The girls helped."  Xander beamed at him.  "They do very good work and they have all new people to hit on.  Anna made Sheppard blush very brightly this morning."

"Good for her.  We like her naughty."  He ate another bite, chewing quickly before swallowing.  "What else is going on?"

"Was that the base assault you saw in the vision?" Jack asked.

Xander stiffened, looking at him.  "No.  I don't think it was.  I saw late winter.  Melting snow.  Not summer.  Shit."

"We'll handle that one too," Daniel promised.  "We had to make sure."  Xander nodded, getting that.  He shoveled in the rest of his breakfast.  "Are you sore after last night's work?"

"No, I'm good.  I don't want to go out today on a hard case because this'll probably be all over the underground.  I'll have Sam check to make sure they don't want to kill me more."

"Good.  I can do that while you check that envelope.  Remember, if there's a threat you let us know."

Xander nodded. "I can do that.  Where's Tiff?"

"With Abby," Jack said.  "She said hi to the girls, then went to hang with Abby and Carter in the lab."

"Okay.  If that's what she wants I'm happy for her.  She's had a good last few years growing up."  He looked at Daniel again.  "Anything else I have to handle?"

"The three empty buildings.  Do any of them have housing areas or real bathrooms?"

"The non-testing building does and the testing building does on the top three floors but it might stink from the stuff Abby was working on last week.  The building on the east side is sucky and needed to be torn down too."

"Full apartments?"

"Newbie barracks it looked like.  Six bed barracks.  Without beds."

"Then we can move the cots that way," Jack decided.

"No electric running yet," Xander warned.  "But I can check that and turn it on if you want."

"We can have the electric company come out to check," Daniel told him.  "And then let them do that so they don't get huffy at us again.  They did last month."  Xander nodded.  "What about Willow?" he asked gently.

Xander stiffened, shaking his head.  "It's not my case, it's Horatio's case."

"Do you maybe want to talk to her to put some things behind you?" Daniel offered.

Xander paused then shook his head.  "No.  I can't forgive her for the realm switching thing.  My arm still twinges with heavy magic."  He swallowed.  "I can't, Daniel."  He started to regurge.  Jack thoughtfully got him a trash can.  "Sorry," he said between heaves.

"Hey, it's all right," Daniel said, coming around to help him.  "Shh, calm down.  I was just wondering, Xander.  Don't stress."  He got him calmed down but a bit shaky.  "Shh, it's all right.  Jack, call House?"  He moved to do that.  "We'll let you rest down there.  Okay?"  Xander nodded, looking at him as he wiped his mouth.  Daniel got him a tissue with a smile.  "Spenser was asked for by Horatio to evaluate and debrief her.  Would that bother you?"

"Maybe he can figure out why she went bad," he said quietly.

"Maybe," he agreed.  He ruffled his hair.  "Take a short nap in the infirmary until your stomach settles then eat again and hit your desk, Xander.  If you want I can have Tony check that envelope.  Or Dean."

"I can on the way down."  He stood up but he was still shaky.  Daniel helped him sit back down and went to get the letter for him.  He opened it, looking inside.  "From Tiff.  Her records and lab evaluations.  We need to use these to get her a diploma."

"We can do that," Daniel agreed.  "We'll let Sam and Sam work on that."  House walked in, leaning heavily on his cane.  "We were talking and his stomach decided it was upset."

"That's fine.  I was told he was half-asleep anyway.  C'mon, Xander.  Your bed's free."  Xander nodded, heading down leaning on him.  He looked at him once they were in the elevator.  "Last night?"

"Willow."

"Hmm.  That is a sucky situation."  He walked him off the elevator and into the infirmary.  The boy curled up on his bed without a protest, letting House put a bottle of frozen water next to him.  "Sip when it melts so you have something for the acid to work against."  He went to look at the new patients he had.  He had no idea what to do with Rupert Giles.  Ethan hadn't with his mystical MRI either.  They'd have to figure out something.  If not, maybe this was why some people were in unexplained comas?  It'd make sense.  He checked on Xander, seeing him curled up asleep.  Dean walked in and pulled a chair over to sit next to him.  Xander relaxed, sighing in pleasure in his sleep.  House walked out as quietly as he could.  "We'll protect him."

"One of us that he's bound to being here will keep down nightmares," he said quietly.

"That's fine.  Pull the curtains if you want, Dean.  Or get Dawn since she needs to rest since I know the girls need you to kick their asses into shape."  He nodded, calling her.  Wesley helped her over to curl up with him.  Dean tucked them in and left them alone.  House went back to his daily chores until Chase came in.  He stared at the duo on the bed.  "He's sick.  She's still exhausted."

"She looks it."  He came over to check them both over, getting batted at by Dawn.  "Just me," he told her.  She relaxed and let him check her pulse for now.   "Should we start another IV for her?"

"She's healing fine," House assured him.  "She said she feels like she's got a magical flu."  He put the CT scan up on the board.  It showed almost no damage.  "Any ideas?"

"Not a one," he admitted, staring at it.  He pointed at something.  "What is that?"

"Head trauma like boxers get."  He frowned.  "Probably a few too many concussions.  Xander's shows that too," he said quietly, glancing at them.  Then back at the board.   "There's no evidence of the thing sucking at him."

"Can we do a PET scan?  That'll show brain usage."

"We don't have the stuff to do it here."  He considered it.  "We could send him out to do one.  But it might not help us any."

Dawn looked over, blinking at them.  "He's closer than he was before but he's still down.  We have no idea if some of this is magical or not."

"You, no magic," House reminded her.  "Even light tethers to check people.  Turn it off.  You're only hurting yourself."  She sighed but did that.  She wouldn't admit she felt better but it showed since he looked so smug.  "I can call Piper and them.  She could probably help."

Leo appeared.  "They're busy with the terrible tots and the flu."  Dawn shuddered, cuddling Xander better.  He wrapped himself around her, earning an awww from the angel.  House smirked.  "What's up with Mr. Giles?"

"Brain sucker demon."

Leo grimaced.  "Those are nasty."

"Could that be why some people are in unexplained comas?" House asked.

"Possibly but they have to be summoned.  They're not native."  He walked over to where Giles was resting, laying a hand on his head.  "He's got a while before he can wake up.  When he does, he'll be relearning the simple things.  Talking and those things."  House nodded.  "But he's not fundamentally damaged.  A few more times being hit and he'd be fully without brain function."

"I saw an infant come out comatose," Chase said.  "Could that have been a cause?"

Leo considered it.  "I'm not sure if they can get through the mother without hurting her or not," he admitted.  "Huh.  That'd be interesting to look up.  No brain function?"

"Very minimal for life support.  No clear indication of any problem.  Just non-responsive to anything.  After being here I'd almost say it looked like he was out of his body."

"That's more possible.  It's happened a few times when there was a twin that died in utero.  Basically that death pulls them because they're mentally and spiritually bound.  One follows the other."

House looked at Chase.  "When was that?"

"Right before I became your fellow."  He smirked.  "It drove the doctors nuts for months until they finally decided on long-term care for the baby.  No one could find any cause or abnormality."

"That does sound like an interesting case," House admitted.  "So we let him nap?" he asked Leo.

Leo nodded.  "For now.  He'll start to wake up in about six months.  Slowly for a few minutes at a time instead of waking up like Xander does."

House checked Xander, patting him on the head.  "Leo's telling us how soon Giles is going to wake up."

"Will he be able to resume duties?" he asked.  "Sometime?  Wes would like that."

"Some year, but not anytime soon."

Xander nodded.  "Then we'll make plans around that.  Thanks, Leo.  Is she all right?  She's still really tired."

Leo laid a hand on Dawn's head, then nodded.  "She'll be fine in a few days.  She's already stronger than the one helping her said she was.  That was heroically stupid of her to do.  She learned well from you."  He disappeared with a grin.

"Thank you."  He gave her another cuddle.  "I should probably get up and hit my desk."

"Drink the water, kid," House ordered.  "You can head up for lunch since your desk is clear."

"I'm spending a lot of time not working."

"Bullshit.  Drink the water."  Xander was handed the bottle by Chase, letting him drink the part that had melted.  Then he snuggled better, making her sigh in pleasure.  "Better.  She needs you.  It's part of being a parent."  He went to his office to make notes in Giles' chart.  The nurses could handle long term care for him.  He hoped.  He didn't want to wipe butts this week.  He checked, he had a catheter and feeding tube so he'd be fine for now.

***

Xander walked up to his desk.  "Sorry I'm so late.  My stomach rebelled this morning, guys.  Anything for me to do?"

"What's this note?" Eric asked, handing him a file.  "They called to say another one showed up."

Xander looked at it then at him.  "We told them to look for eggs and a nest.  Apparently they missed one.  How many are free?"

"Just the two.  They've already disabled them like you told them to.  They think they might have another one; they called in to see what sort of animal could track it.  If dogs could or not."

"Pigs might be better, but they'd run," he said thinking about it.  "Maybe a cat but you can't get them to track things.  Though if someone had a hunting cat as a pet I'd say let it loose and follow it since they taste like kitty treats to them."

"They have a zoo in the next town," he said, calling them.  "I'm DCIS Agent Delko."  He got transferred.  "We've talked to Xander and he suggested that larger hunting cats can track it.  It would mean you'd have to protect the people," he agreed when the sheriff complained.   "Would it hurt the cat to eat it?" he asked Xander.

"That I'm not sure about.  I don't think so but if you absolutely couldn't pull the cat off in time you could always pump its stomach I guess.  But I don't think it'd hurt it."

"He said he doesn't think so but try to pull it off sooner.  That sounds like a safer plan.  Shut the area down, let the cat loose so it can hunt it for you, then tranq it when it does find it."  He nodded, making notes.  "If not, we can come get it for you."  He smiled.  "Thanks, Sheriff.  Happy hunting and good luck.  Let us know if you need more help."  He hung up.  "It's a bold plan according to him.  He was hoping their local hunters could use their dogs."

"It's scent would send the dogs into  heat."  He shrugged one-sidedly.  "Sometimes you have to improvise."

"Good point."  He watched Xander get to work.  "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine.  My stomach was rebelling during breakfast, nothing too unusual.  I was half-asleep and sometimes my stomach doesn't realize what it's supposed to do with the new stuff I put in it when I'm that tired."  He grimaced.  "Besides, Dawn needed hugged too."  He looked over.  "I'm fine, Eric.  Really."

"Good."

Daniel came out of the office.  "Xander, the president wanted to know what happened last night."

"They wanted their person back?" he suggested.  "Do we have security footage?"

"We do.  Go talk to him while I get it to send it over."  Xander grimaced but went to the office.  Daniel headed down to security.  "The president wants the film of last night's attempted assault."

"We can compress it for you," the head of security agreed.  "These new military guys?"

"They're going to be busy today setting up and things.  Cleaning and checking their weapons, those things."  That got a nod.  "If they need House, let them down to the infirmary or any of their docs if they want."  He took the CD, heading back upstairs.

TBC....

To part 41

Back to index

Demon Criminal Investigative Service:  Talking About It.

Xander settled himself in front of the desk, taking the call off hold.  "You wanted to speak to me, sir?"

"What happened last night?"

Xander leaned back.  "A group of demons showed up to take one of their kind back.  They massed after blowing in the gate.  I felt my 'shit's going to happen' feeling so I was outside when they showed up with Sam and Dean Winchester.  When they started to sneer, I moved forward to drive them off with my usually-scary-enough rep.  That didn't work.  One of them challenged me to shoot him, and had a weapon in his hand, so I took the shot.  The next one came forward and she sneered.  She ordered an attack, so we fought back.  The ones who were living were put into the cells downstairs waiting arraignment.  Like usual whenever someone attacks us.  Why the interest sir?"

"You don't think this is worthy of interest?"

Xander stared at him for a moment.  "Sir, you only call when there's a problem or someone said something.  This wasn't really a problem since we've had five others of these in the early days.  So who said something?"

He smirked.  "Smartass."

Xander smirked back.  "Yes, sir, it's my native language.  That's one of the reasons some people think Doctor House adopted me as his mentoree and son."

The president shuddered.  "That's a bad mental image."

Xander grinned.  "The warrior clan that wanted us to help them negotiate a wedding treaty liked it."  He shifted.  "Why the interest, sir?"

"One of the senators has called for an investigation by the panel that sits over agents who are being investigated."

"So, they want Internal Affairs for the Feds to look over the assault?" he said.

"Yes, son, they do."

Xander nodded.  "If they want, let them come.  We can show them what happened."

"Son, you're a bit scary to most agents."

"That's because I have training they don't understand, sir.  To put it like the FBI guys in Cleveland said, it's like I was trained by a paramilitary kook or cult leader.  I have the same ways and skills but they're not sure why I have it or what I plan on doing with it."

"I can understand that.  My own agents have said the same thing."  He stared at him.  "Do you want to stay at DCIS?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"This problem with your Slayers Council?"

"I was doing most of the work anyway, sir."  He shifted again.  "In truth, Giles was only remaking the new building at the moment.  We have someone in Cleveland to watch that going on and to help the girls.  Wesley is hiring other people.  Giles was more of a titular head than not half the time because he was obsessed with getting this done.  It's not going to take much more work for me.  I can be the Council Head pro-tem forever if I need to be."

"You're not officially taking over?"

"Hell no.  I hate talking to the press.  They'd come to us for statements and things.  I like being DCIS Agent Harris much better.  Wesley agreed we could leave things the way they were while he hired some more, better, smarter watchers than those that got arrested in Cleveland for summoning the demon that took Giles out."

"Oh, I see.  I hadn't heard that."

"It sucked his consciousness out.  Basically it slowly sucked him dry of brain functions.  He's at the state where he can respond to commands but not much else.  I heard earlier that he's getting better but it'll be years."

"I suppose that's fine.  Why did he want to restart the full Council?  You seem to be handling it."

"His family had been watchers for generations.  He grew up in them even though he didn't want to be one originally.  It was the foundation of his training and his skills.  It crumbled when it got blown up so he was obsessed with righting his life's base again."

"Is Wesley the same way?"

"No, sir.  We're much more loose and structured because we know we're understaffed and we have to fill in."

"Oh, good."

"Giles was a bit more stiff than Wes was once Wes grew up after he left Sunnydale the first time."

"He was there?"

"Long, involved story.  Wes came in right out of training when they fired Giles as Buffy's watcher.  We ignored Wes because he had not a clue and little sense in those days.  After graduation, he went off, learned how to be a demon hunter like John and his boys are, and went to help Angel.  He's much better now.  Since he showed up at Angel's, we could stand him again."

"That's not unreasonable I suppose.  Training and experience are two different things."  Xander nodded.  "Are you all right with what happened last night?"

"Sir, why wouldn't I be?"

"You look edgy and tired."

"I spent a good part of last night burying their bodies properly on the back of the base with the Winchester boys.  I only got about three hours of sleep, then had a short talk with Daniel, had my stomach rebel against me putting food in it, then went to nap in the infirmary around Dawn."

"I can understand that.  Post-battle nerves?"

"My stomach wasn't awake enough to realize what to do with the food I put in it.  It does that now and then."

"Oh.  If you say so."  Xander nodded.  "Is Miss Summers all right?  I got the most extraordinary report about Atlantis."

"She's fine.  Still a bit tired.  She's down to 'feeling like she has the flu' stage.  Within a week she'll be back to normal we think."

"Good.  That's good.  How did you get up there?"

"My temple."

"It's there?"

"Near there.  It has a gateway.  Sheppard and his team have been there in the past.  So was Tony's coworker Ducky.  We have *no* idea how *he* got up there."

"Interesting to note.  Ducky Mallard can show up in some of the strangest places," he muttered, making a note of that.  "How are things otherwise?"

"Fine, sir.  Daniel's down getting you a copy of the security footage from last night if you still want it."

"I'll pass it onto that panel, son.  Are you sure you're all right?" he asked when Xander shifted again.

"Daniel's got a lump in his seat and it's hitting the wrong spot on my ass."

He nodded once.  "I had a chair like that once."  He cleared his throat.  "You're very blunt."

"Yes I am.  I'm known for it and not playing politics."

"This same senator has been calling for a hearing."

"Which one?"

"Chores out of Wyoming."

He wrote that down.  "We'll look into her ties before that can happen.  Daniel told me this morning he didn't see anything wrong.  I was already out there, I have the scary rep and the longer history.  Demons respect me more than they do most everyone here because they know I only show up when the shit's hitting the fan, and they know coming here was terminally stupid.  He told me next time I could let him handle it but he's too valuable to risk with stupid people who're holding weapons.  His last job beside the point."

"You know about that?"

"Some of the underground has said some very nice things about it, sir."

"Really?"  He nodded with a slight grin.  "So you already knew when he was assigned?"

"No, not really.  I knew of him.  The chaos demons I had been dealing with on the case before mentioned him and that he had been appointed.  They said they watch him nearly as much as they do me for the chaos he causes.  It gives them more to worship."

"Interesting."  He smirked.  "How does he feel about that?"

"I think he blushed when I told him that."

"That sounds like Doctor Jackson."  He looked at someone overtop of the monitor.  "We do have the film?"  He looked at Xander.  "He sent it from the security office apparently."

"I guess he thought you wanted to talk to me too much to take the keyboard, sir."

"You really don't play politics, do you?" he asked dryly.

"No, sir.  I think playing politics is what's wrong with the system as it stands," he said honestly.  "I don't kiss anyone's ass unless I'm dating them."  Someone on the other end choked but the president laughed at that.  "I'm known to be terminally blunt," he reminded him.

"That's my chief of staff.  He's fine."  He looked at him.  "What are the plans for the council's new building?  Are you moving all your operations back there?"

"If Wes can't find a manager, he'll move back there once he's done hiring.  The library's being moved in a few weeks.  How long before the library's moved?" he called.  "Four weeks?"

"Six," Daniel called.

"Six weeks before it's all on electronic media for us to share wherever is needed so we'll move it after that.  Then they'll slowly start taking over admin duties until something too bad happens on the base and we part ways."

"You're anticipating it happening?"

"You won't be in office forever, sir, and we don't know who the next director might be," he said.

"Oh, good point.  I can gladly talk to my next one so they leave Daniel."

"We'd like that," he agreed.  "Most of the demons respect him and his diplomatic ways.   The watchers we have here respect him quite a lot too.  Then we'd only have to worry about his successor, which would give us more time to finish setting things up."

"Good point.  That is a valid worry for your council.  Any others you've come up with?"

"We've had to sit down with Daniel to see what to do when the first hunter gets charged.  We know it'll happen sometime, but we don't anticipate it happening soon.  We know there's kill them all types like the Initiative boys were out hunting presently so it's only a matter of time.  We had to set up strict policies for that and make sure that the system would be just as fair to them."

"That's a good precaution.  You're not seeing it happen soon?"

"I think the ones who would complain are still slightly scared of us.  We're still seen to be handling the bigger things.  While we handle minor cases, the news and gossip being spread are the big things we've done."

"That's understandable.  So probably within a decade?"

"Probably within five years," he corrected.  "Probably at the outer edge of that though."

"Good point.  The prison?"

"We've had to rearrange things a bit here and there.  We put the watchers we just arrested for summoning that brain sucking demon in their own secure ward so they can't get hurt.  I think we've got a bunch of anti-magic cells going.  Things like that."

"Is it going to be big enough?"

"No clue," Xander admitted.  "We'll be letting the first prisoners go from their sentences next year.  Early February if I remember right.  He got a minor sentence for doing whatever he did."

"That's reasonable.  Do we have exit plans?"

"Hand him back to his clan.  We'll probably escort him back to his city or whatever and let him go."

"No parole officers?"

"No, we never planned for that or parole and probation hearings."

"I'll see if Daniel would like to warp the system a bit then to add that in."  He made a note.  "Hold on, son."  He put him on hold.  He came back a minute later.  "It was noted he was holding something round?"

"Our armory master is presently in heaven trying to tinker it into working for humans.  It's an energy weapon that I've seen in use before.  Hurts like a bitch when it burns into your flesh," he said patiently.

"You finally found a real armory master?  That's good."

"We had to go to someone who had been covert but he came out of retirement to work in our armory.  He jokes with the girls and things.  We like and appreciate him even if he does sometimes run from the girls in a naughty mood before they pinch him."

The president laughed.  "I can see why.  Some of your younger slayers are a bit prankish."

"They learn from Dean too," he agreed with a slight grin.  "He's been tinkering all morning with one of them to make it so we can use it."

"That's good.  Which one did you get out of retirement?"

"He said we can't tell you.  Or else he'll beat my ass."

"I can understand that I suppose.  Some of those covert people can be a bit picky about who knows where they are.  I had one in mind but something bad happened and we couldn't get him back."

Xander kept his smirk inside.  "The one I worked with on that bomb in LA?"

"Yes, him."  He stared at him.  "How did you two work together?"

"Very well but he gave me some funny looks while we were working because I was kinda calmer than he thought I should be."  He shrugged.  "It happens."

"I guess it does."  He stared at him.  "The last I knew some teenage witches had him."

"Angel told them off and had them let him go."

"Even better.  Any idea where he is?"

"Nope.  And I'm guessing he'd be the sort to want to be left alone, sir.  From what they told Angel he needed some intense healing times."

"I know why."  He stared at the boy.  "Do you want to run the agency some day?"

"Isn't that why you gave us Fargo?"

"Well, yes but you are still about fourth in line."

Xander leaned forward.  "Sir, I was handling things two weeks before you hired Tony for us," he said.  "If I have to in an emergency, I can do it again.  If we have that long of an emergency and it's looking like I'll have to take it permanently, I know people who can raise the dead.  We'll get Daniel back."  The president burst out cackling.  He grinned.  "I'll deal with it if I have to, without conflict of interest, but I'll be damned if I want to play politics enough to sit in this chair permanently."

"I can see you doing that," he said with a happy smile.  "I'll let the Internal Affairs panel contact you later tonight for a statement."

"That's fine, sir.  I know it's a formality.  If she still calls for a senate hearing, I'll be just as blunt as I am with you.  Because I'm not sucking up to her either.  Even if she might be evil enough for me to date."  The president hung up while cackling some more.  He stood up.  "Danny?"  He walked in with his new cup of coffee.  "Senator Chores out of Wyoming sicced the Internal Affairs panel on last night."

"I heard a rumor someone was trying," he admitted.

"She's also calling for a senate hearing."

Daniel patted him on the shoulder as he walked around him to retake his seat.  "Try to be politely blunt, Xander, instead of just blunt.  And if you ever try to bring me back to life I'm going to kick your ass as my first act."

Xander grinned.  "You can try."

"If I can't, I'll have Jack or Sheppard do it."

Xander grinned, walking out.  Tony gave him a pointed look.  "One of the senators out of Wyoming sicced the IA panel on last night."

"Damn it," he muttered.

"They had weapons, had invaded the base, and it was justifiable," Horatio told him.  "Relax and be calm when they ask you questions, Xander.  Make careful, unequivocal statements.  Wear something nicer than that so you look more like one of them."

"Horatio, half the government is wary of me," he said dryly.  "They don't understand why I'm not going to go spastic some day and shoot them all.  They know I won't but they aren't quite sure why."

"He's seen like some paramilitary cult leader's son," Speed agreed.  "He's got the same training but they're wary of why he's got the training and how he'll use it."

"Yup," Xander agreed.  He sat down at his desk.  "It'll be handled but I could use suit help if someone wants to help me with that.  We all know it's not my area of expertise."

"You won't be able to bring weapons either," Tony pointed out with an evil grin.  "Not even a pocket knife."

Xander stared at him.  "I am partially a weapon.  If we get invaded that day, it's not my fault."

"Good."  He leaned back, looking him over.  "How is that black suit with the blue shirt?"

"Gooed the last time I had to testify."

"Hmm.  The green one?"

"Dry cleaner ate it and never found it."

"The brown one?" Horatio asked.

Xander shrugged.  "No clue.  I haven't seen that side of my closet in a while.  You guys can come play with my clothes tonight if you want.  Please?" he asked with a cute grin.

"I think we can do that," Horatio agreed.  "Spenser's on his way here."

Xander nodded.  "I wish him luck."

"I'm sure he'll figure it out," Speed said.  "He seems to be able to."

"None of us who were in Sunnydale are normal.  Though I'm not sure why Spenser had so much fun doing my profile."  A few of the others stared at him, including Mac's whimper of complaint.  "He said doing it was the most fun he'd had in years.  It took him longer than the last pervert too."

Mac shook his head, getting up to find something to take that picture out of his mind.  He went down to the lab, finding Abby and McKay sharing a kiss in the halls with Binky staring at them looking very confused.  He coughed and they parted, glaring at him until he pointed at the unicorn.

Abby looked down at her.  "Humans kiss instead of nuzzle," she told her.  "It's a mate thing."  Binky nuzzled them and bleeted, seeming to grin.  "I know, we're all your herd, Binky.  We love you too."  She leaned down to pat the little one on the head.  "Good girl.  Why are you in the lab?"  She turned to swish her tail out of the way.  "Aww, something bit you.  Mean, nasty sucker.  C'mon, Radek and Carson are in the experimentation lab.  We'll see if Carson can help me bandage that since you like him so much."

"It figures," McKay muttered.  "What do we owe the pleasure of your presence to?" he asked Mac.

"Xander's given me a bad mental image."

"I get those sometimes but I get them from Tony too," she said, giving him a short hug.  She stole a kiss from Rodney with a grin and a wink then led her unicorn buddy to the experimentation lab.  "Guys, something bit Binky.  We need to swab it and clean it off."  Carson gave her the dirtiest look.  "Chase usually does it for her but he's off today.  For some reason she thinks House is Anna's relative or something so she won't let him since she loves Anna so much.  Maybe she thinks it's like incest, I don't know."

Carson gave her an odd look.  "You need more sleep, Abigail."

"I haven't heard that since Ducky said it to me last time.  Nearly the same accent too."  She beamed and got something from a shelf, coming over.  "Binky, let Radek pet you while we swab the bite and put something on it, okay?"  She nodded, nuzzling the physicist nearly off his feet until he petted her.  Carson sighed but came over to help.  "We have to be multi-talented around here because there's so few of us."  Another scientist came in, looking confused.  "Something bit Binky."

"I figured that part out.  Why are there military guys on base?"

"Theirs had a sickness so they had to evacuate," Abby said.  "They moved them out to the other non-used buildings, including over the testing area."

"I saw some out there and Jack O'Neill barking orders.  How long are they staying?"  Abby shrugged.  "Okay.  Should we see if any of them are scientists and need in the lab?"

"Ask Rodney.  They're his people."

"Oooooh," she said, pursing her lips.  "Are they as picky and mean as he is?"

"Most of us aren't," Radek said.  "I was his second-in-command."

"Even better.  Can *you* go see who needs lab time?  I know Abby's got this lab booked later for creation time."

"Jack has a new weapon to tinker with," Abby said with a manic grin.  "They had these little balls that shoot energy last night."

"Wonderful.  I hope you and Dean have a lot of fun tinkering.  Radek, please?"

"Go down and ask Sheppard.  He'll get them since I'm busy."  She nodded, going to do that.  "Rodney's scared your staff too?"

"He found her dancing to music while she was working.  I had to straighten that out because I do it too," she said as she swabbed.  She handed it to Carson.  "Here, go run that please."  He went to do that.  She covered it with some neosporin, getting a bleet.  "I know it burns but it helps keep out infection."

Carson came back a few minutes later.  "No poison."

"Good."  She gave the little unicorn a hug around the neck.  "Now, take Carson outside with the big blue thing in the closet and play with him."  She nearly danced over to the closet, nudging it until Radek opened it.  She found the blue thing, Radek pulled it out for her.  She bleeted until Carson grabbed it and followed her.  "Step on the pad to inflate it," she called after him.  "Then play some unicorn soccer.  You could use some play time, Carson.  You too, Radek.  Stand down."  He sighed but went to help Carson inflate the jousting target to lock horns with.  Digger nosed the ball toward him so he ended up playing unicorn soccer with a few of the military people and the unicorn.  Digger and Binky had a lot of fun running over people to get the balls.  They were happy little mythical creatures by dinner.

Anna came out to lean on their fence and watch.  "Guys, dinner," she called.  The unicorns came over to get some petting, making her smile.  "I love you guys too.  We'll watch tv later, how about that?"  They both nuzzled her then went to get some food.  They came out to stare so she went in to feed them then went to get her own dinner.  "Are slayers eating here or there?" she called as she walked into the mess hall.

"There," Xander called.  "We've got dinner set up in one of our rooms."  She ran out to find dinner.  She was hungry!  John Sheppard looked at him oddly.  "You guys wouldn't get any food if the slayers ate with you."

"I've seen Tiff eat."

"Us too."  He smirked at their armory master when he came in.  "Jack, the president suggested you as the arms master when I said we had went covert but I wasn't allowed to tell him who because you'd kick my ass.  He said he would have suggested you but he that bad thing happened and now he couldn't find you.  I told him that was probably because you weren't the sort to want to be found.  He agreed with me.  Did we get the weapon to work?"

"Not fully.  We might have to rewire it.  I should send imps his way."

"Don't say that, they'll happen," Xander reminded him with a manic grin.  "That might be bad."

"Very bad," O'Neill agreed from his seat.  "Do not do that."

"Fine," Jack called back.  "Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome.  I figured you should hear from me that he was thinking about suggesting you.  I told him Angel told the witches to let you go."

"He did, and nagged them nearly into brooding too."  He went to get his own dinner to go, heading back to his apartment.  Some days he loved the base's insanity but sometimes it was too much.  Tonight it was too noisy in there to eat quietly.

Xander's cellphone rang so he took his plate out to a semi-empty room, sitting down at his desk to answer it.  "Yes?" he answered.  Then he took a bite.  "No, you're interrupting dinner.  We're in North Dakota," he said bluntly.  He ate another bite.  "That's fine.  I heard earlier she had called for one even though my director had said it was reasonable.  What did you need to hear from me?"  He ate while he listened to what they had.  "No, I was out there because I have a 'bad feeling' radar.  I also have a 'just in case' feeling system that's hardly ever wrong.  My 'bad feeling' radar was blipping at me that something was going to happen.  My arm was reacting to the heavy magic going on.  Prior injury," he said.

"No, I won't elaborate on that.  I don't have memories of it any longer.  It was a blessing from what I'm told."  He ate another bite.  "So I was out there to see why my bad feeling warning system was going off with the two trainers for the slayers.  One had been with me.  The other felt me being uneasy.  No, a spell to yell at some higher powers that were screwing with the girls.  Dawn Summers did it by accident."  He covered his mouthpiece before belching.  "Sorry, needed that."  He listened to them.  "No, dinner.  Meatloaf, corn, potatoes, and carrot cake."  He smirked.  "Our cook is very good, ma'am."

He went back to eating while they asked questions.  "That is why I stepped forward, yes.  I saw the little round weapons.  I saw that they were an invasion force.  This wasn't the first time it had happened to the base since we started.  Our director is too valuable to risk but I do have a scary rep among the demons who're doing bad things.  My rep was why a few of them backed off."  He listened.  "If I had ignored that challenge then they would have attacked and my respect from most of the warrior demons would have been gone, ma'am.  I may be seen as scary but they do have a lot of respect for me.  Warrior clans and beyond have respect.  If I had ignored that challenge I would have lost it."  He nodded.

"Exactly.  I had to take it.  Then the girl stepped up to argue.  I gave her a good reason to leave.  She ordered the attack.  We opened fire.  I ran out of ammo just as the magic users trying to get the slayers was put into the open by someone falling.  Someone else got them and the others.  Then later that night we buried the ones who were dead appropriately by what we found in the books we have so no one could get pissed at us for that too."  He ate another bite, swallowing fast.

"I'm told they're sharing a clan cell together while the others are awaiting arraignment.  I was told that the female, the second speaker, was her spouse and the guy they wanted free was a prince.  Tony looked him up and found he was in there for arms smuggling.  Ten years."  He finished up and started on the cake, savoring it a bit.  "I've seen those weapons in action, ma'am; they hurt like a bitch when they hit you.  I wouldn't want anyone to have the burns they can cause.  I sure didn't want any.  He did.  He's somewhere around here.  We're kind of disorganized at the moment since a related project had a problem on their base so they had to evacuate personnel here to ours."  He used his desk phone to text Daniel's phone.  "I texted him to come up and talk to you, ma'am."

Daniel came jogging in.  "IA?"  Xander nodded, handing over the phone.  "This is Doctor Jackson."  He listened.  "That is appropriate.  Ma'am, Xander's the one we send on the really bad cases because he used to hunt.  He's always been on the front lines whenever we've had a base assault in the past.  Yes, we've had four or five before this last one.  He usually felt it coming first and was out there before the rest of us could get our weapons out of our desk drawers."  He listened.

"I have seen those round balls.  There were a few being used during the invasion and Xander had training film from one of his cases that showed one being used on a victim."  He sat down, listening to her complain.  "Ma'am, we can't do that.  We are an investigative agency but a good third of our cases are handling things attacking others.  Usually stopping it at that point.  Including things like Georgia and the invasion.  It's not like we could subdue and arrest those."  Xander shook his head quickly.  Daniel pointed at his plate.  Xander ate the last bite with a grin.  "Go get more, Xander, before the Marines eat it all."

"I have food in my apartment.  I'll nibble later while I finish paperwork."

"Go eat anyway."  He dialed the desk phone, texting someone down there.  He loved that McGee had set that up for them.  Abby came up to get his plate to refill.  "No, he was ill earlier from lack of sleep.  After the small assault, Xander and the Winchester brothers spent the night burying the bodies here on base in a way that is culturally sound to their peoples."  Abby bounced back, giving Xander a full plate with a kiss on the head.  "Thank you, Abby."

"You're welcome."  She took the phone.  "Dietra, it's Abby Scuito.  I've told you about Xander in the past.  Yeah, that same Xander.  We only have one here on base."  She grinned.  "Which might be a good thing but we do have some older versions of him in some of the military guys we're hosting right now.  Ooooh, and I'm going to pounce Rodney into a ring sometime this year.  So you'll be invited."  She listened then she cackled.  "No, sweetie, Xander's got a 'bad thing' feeling that comes out.  He also has 'just in case' feelings that have saved his team's lives many times.  And others' too.  That's why he was in the lead.  That and some of the demons are scared of him.

"Eat, Xander.  Don't make me practice motherhood before we scare you all with our future geeks."  He dug in before she could nag again.  "Exactly."  She beamed.  "That is what those are.  Our arms master couldn't get them to work for humans so I'm going to tinker tonight with Dean and Xander if he's free by then.  Because some watchers decided to pull a brain sucking demon from another realm to eat Mr. Giles.   He's in the infirmary again.  No, that was kinda normal.  You should look up his past cases on YouTube."  Xander moaned, shaking his head.  "I mean it, Xander.  Eat."  He ate another bite.

"She's scary, I'd do what she says," John Sheppard said as he walked in.  "Bad time?"

"For another few minutes," Daniel admitted.  "A senator called for an investigation into last night's assault."

"They came to bust their guy out, you guys stopped them.  It's happened before and you handled it the same way.  Not like you're not going to defend yourselves and your people," he said simply then shrugged.  "That's the military way and you were trained military style.  Xander was too due to that possession and the hunting."

"That's a very good point," Abby agreed. "One of my buddies who's in the military pointed out that Daniel was trained military style, Xander was trained military style and hunting style, and they handled it that way.  No, not the mouthing off part.  Though, some might like that.  But usually not I know," she finished in a rush.  Her friend looked at it that way and agreed that was basic military strategy.  "So, see, Xander was doing the right thing, even if he did try to scare them off first.  Yeah, he's got a majorly scary rep.  He's the guy we send on the bad cases that need artillery.  They all know if he shows up it's a horrible thing about to happen or a weapons case."  She beamed, swatting Xander on the head.  He ate faster.  "Good boy, Xander."  She petted him.  "Exactly.  Yup, that's ours too."  She listened to the comments from that tape.  "You should look up the one from Mexico."

"Not that again," Xander complained.

"Hush," Abby ordered.  "And finish your seconds before I sic the girls on you."  She laughed.  "He's over the slayers' training.  He's the one who hired the Winchesters to take on some of his duties so he could do the higher problem things in the admin areas.  Yup, still.  He could use a good admin if you know someone."  She wrote down a name.  "Is she free or should he entice and woo?"  She laughed, writing another name down.  "I'll let him know that."  She grinned at Xander.  "Thank you.  Let us know what the panel says," she ordered.  "I'm sure some of us will be up.  That weapon's going to drive someone nuts if we don't make it applicable to humans.   Plus we've got plans from six other people on base that we need to see if they can be built.  That is our stuff," she agreed.

"The light saber was Dean's.   Long story.   I'll tell you the next time I'm in DC.  Yup, you too.  Happier night, dear."  She blew a kiss and hung up.  "She thought the film of the problem in Seattle was better than the one last night but she says it showed a lot of similarities.  Those two names are competent admin's who've done major agencies in the past.  The bottom you'll have to woo away from the CIA but the other one is free at the moment thanks to age discrimination."  She bounced off.  "Come to the lab when you're done with the mounds of paperwork."

"I will.  Thanks, Abby," he called, finishing his dinner.  "She'll swat me if I don't."

John shook his head.  "Usually only McKay makes her that hyper."

Daniel smiled.  "She's had more Caf-Pows."

"Ah.  I was wondering why you guys had a machine in the mess."  He patted Xander on the head.  "Need him for more?"

"No.  Some senator wanted last night investigated.  That was the Internal Affairs board."  He looked up.  "You can make Daniel take a nap if you want.  He didn't sleep a whole lot last night either probably."

"I can do that.  We're going over what we're doing while we're stuck here."

"Abby has the lab for the science corps to finish up last minute stuff," Daniel pointed out.  "The other guys can do PT on the base.  Most of the girls do theirs in the morning since they're not in school.  There's a few good running trials around here thanks to some of them.  Jack's figuring out when he can move you guys back to the base in Cheyenne Mountain.  Xander, go do paperwork?"  Xander headed off, taking his plate down to the mess hall to put up then headed to his office.  "Other than that, consider it shore leave and downtime but we are very nice to the local town."

"I've already ordered that.  Would it bother you if we went on shore leave?"

"As long as there was no misconduct.  The local sheriff will shoot you in the ass with a tranq rifle if you cause him work."

"I'll let them know that.  Any good bars?"

"Two nicer dance clubs, one really grungy bar, and the demon strip club by the interstate.  The nearest real city's about two hours away.  Jack knows where it is."  That got a nod.  "Make sure they know the rules.  They fuck up, I'm letting Xander beat their asses while they're hung over and then I'm siccing Abby on them."

He smirked.  "That's so mean.  I like it."  He looked over as Jack walked in.  "General, any word from the base?"

"None yet.  The small cave-in overtop of the living quarters sucks but they're still working on shoring it.  What's wrong with Harris?"

"Some senator from Wyoming wanted Internal Affairs to look over last night," Daniel said.  "They just called to hear his side of the story.  He talked, I talked, Abby talked since she knew them."

"That might help him.  Not that I saw anything wrong.  Even with the scaring off attempt.  It's always better to scare off than to shoot."

"Yes it is," John agreed.  "I've done that myself a few times."  He shrugged.  "Doctor Jackson set down rules for shore leave."

"Sign up sheet.  No more than a tenth off base at a time," Jack ordered.  That got a nod. "No misconduct or I'm letting Gibbs have people to yell at first and then handing them to the slayers to torment."

"That's almost as bad as having Harris do PT while they're hung over and then letting Abby yell at them."

"Good.  Any aliens, you go with."

"They're my team.  We can release it two teams at a time.  That's about ten people.  Plus a few science corps once they've got their last few reports done in the lab.  Does Abby have space?"

"Six free work rooms with computer hook ups and the testing labs," Daniel told him.  "Go for it."

John smirked.  "Thanks, guys.  My people will be very happy."  He walked down to the mess hall where everyone was gathered.  He stood on a seat, staring at them.  "Listen up."  All chatting stopped.  "Since we're apparently here for a bit, due to a small roof collapse in the dorms on the other base, we're going to let shore leave take place within a few parameters."  They all stared, a few looking very happy.  "First, no more than two teams at a time are to be off base.  There's two dance clubs, one real bar, and a strip joint near the highway, plus a real city two hours away.  Science team members and infirmary crew can go a few at a time as well.

"Abby has offered her lab for anyone who wants to complete some research or to tinker a bit.  She's up there doing that right now.  We have six workrooms plus the forensics lab you guys can borrow.  Remember, Abby is our head of R&D and the labs as well.  She's DCIS's and we're under them now."  They all nodded.  "I'll be setting up a sign up sheet for that.  Anyone who misbehaves will be doing PT while hung over with Harris, then turned over to Abby and the slayers to torment.  Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir," they agreed.

"Good.  As for PT, they have room for us to do that.  There's a few good jogging trails around here thanks to the slayers and others jogging.  The girls do theirs in the yard in the mornings since they're off school.  If you want to join in, go ahead.  Dean's a tough taskmaster but you can do that or use the gym when they're not.  Those who have not checked their weapons and done any maintenance, do it tomorrow first thing.  I'll be doing an inspection.  Also, be aware that there is a prison underneath us, people.  That's why the base was attacked last night.  They wanted someone out of there.  Should that happen, join in wherever you can and feel comfortable."

That got some more nods and 'yes, sir's from them.  "I have it on good authority the local sheriff will tranq dart you and hand you to Gibbs if he catches you making more work for him.  I'll have a sign up sheet tomorrow on General O'Neill's local office door.  Act like adults and don't argue over it.  Arrange your own schedules."  They all nodded.  "To make their lives easier we'll be eating an hour after they do so the cook has time to make enough for us all.  That way she's not overloaded.  Any questions?"

"Should infirmary personnel help in the local infirmary?"

"Please do.  Make sure that all your records and reports are up to date as well in case they become needed.  You can even check for new innoc's that're needed if you want.  House would probably like to stab us all with sharp, pointy things.  The chain of command locally is Daniel Jackson, General O'Neill, myself or Sam Carter for military matters, Abby and Rodney McKay for lab matters.  House is in charge of the infirmary and Carson can join in whenever he wants.  Any other questions?"

"Longer leaves to visit family?" one female asked.  "My mother's nagging, sir."

"Ask O'Neill.  That's his call."  She nodded at that.  "Any other questions?"

"How long do they think it'll be before we're back on our own base, sir?" one Marine asked.

John shrugged.  "They're working on it.  No telling how bad it was.  Or what happened.  They'll let us know.  For now, we have shelter, we have running water and electricity.  Try to help out where you can and if you're really bored, the unicorns love to play.  The white one can only be petted by virgins but the other one can pet whoever she likes."

"If you smoke, the unicorns and George will chase you to make you put it out," Daniel said from the doorway.  "Hide it in your hands or head off if you catch sight of them watching you smoke.  George is the little walking shrub demon.  He has poisoned spikes if you bother the girls, Dean, or stand too long in his sun.  He adores Abby for that plant food she gave you guys the formula for.  All three are slayer pets, as are any and all stray cats on base.  Be nice to them or the slayers will kick your butts and we will laugh."

"Yes, sir," they chimed in.

One raised his hand.  "You don't have a deputy director?"

"Fargo was part of a scientific branch of the Department of Defense.  He's not used to you guys.   If you can't find us, of course talk to him.  He's a nice guy.  If I find someone pressuring him or hurting him, I'll let Xander have you."  They all nodded at that.  "Good."  He smiled.  "Then do whatever you're up to tonight.  Abby's not using the testing space in that one building if any of the science corps wanted to work in there.  They're weapons tinkering tonight in the testing lab."  That got a few grins.  "Breakfast stretches from six to eight since we start work then.  Find food sometime, guys.  We're not that strict around here."

"We'll be eating an hour after your people, Doctor Jackson.  That way we don't overload the cook all at once like we did tonight," John told him.  "General O'Neill agreed."

"That's fine.   Oh, the girls *used to* panty raid and snack raid the agents.  If you catch one of them backsliding and trying, call us.  Do not try to do more than stop them.  They may be tiny young women but they can kick everyone's butt but Dean's."  He smiled as he walked off.

"If one of you hurt one of the slayers, you'll deal with Harris," John told them.  A few shuddered.  "Exactly because he's stressed out right now.  The gym is next door for those who don't know.  The armory is on the end of the hall.  The arms master's name is Jack.  He's pretty decent and a former covert agent.  He's seen it all.  Any other questions?"  They all shook their heads.  "Then finish up so the slayers can sneak in to finish the cake.  They will inhale any sweets they can find.  Fair warning because they can pout me out of my candy bars now and then."

He got down.  "Hit your bunks, do PT, or go hang out in the testing area.  Lights out is at ten."  They finished up and put their plates in the machine, heading off to do as ordered.  John made the sign up sheet to put on the door.  Then he went to check on Tiff.  She was with the girls watching tv.  He leaned over her head, smiling down at her.  "We're relaxing tonight.  You can join them for PT or us tomorrow," he said quietly.  "We'll have shore leave as needed."

She nodded.  "I can do that."

"All slayers on base, even those assigned other places, do PT with Dean in the mornings," Mary told him simply.  "Dean and Xander said so."

"That's fine.  If she wants to, that's good.  There's also jogging trails, Tiff.  I'm in Abby's apartment in their spare room if you need me.  She moved over to one of the new buildings."

"I can do that."

"Good.  Let me know."  He patted her on the head then went over there to relax.  They'd handle it well enough until they could get home to Atlantis or back to their regular base.  It wasn't a bad compromise.

***

Dean tracked down the other slayers.  "Carter, Tiff, PT, now."  They both gave him dirty looks.  "Yay.  Slayers on base do PT with the rest.  Now."  They headed out to do that, stretching on the way.  "Thank you.  Fight training and keeping up skills is this afternoon since it's Saturday.  Sword and other bladed weapons work is tomorrow."  They both nodded, groaning a bit.  Dean got them into a spot in formation then went back to it.  "Slacking means I get to tell Sammy," he said when the girls started to whine.  "I'll make him assign another paper and pout at you guys.  With Xander."  They sped up.  Sometimes the girls just needed the right motivation.

***

Wesley came back from his hiring trip happy and content.  He had someone he trusted.  "Xander, the names Abby gave us were most competent.  I've hired the one that was free.  The other couldn't come help for another six months due to an open project.  She'll be here next week to learn all the paperwork we do so you can hand half of it over.  Also, I've talked with the other watchers.  Seven of my initial ten are showing up at the same time to make sure they're not inferior morons.  John will be back once the manager is out there.  Buffy was introduced to her and she was almost a slayer called past her prime but she turned it down."  Xander beamed and hugged him.  "So we'll be fine."

"Excellent work, Wesley.  On the computer front, McGee was able to crack the old website.  He's talked to the server admins for us.  They out-sourced it."  Wesley shrugged a bit at that.  "So we have a full server with full email, storage, and other capabilities.  He's talked to Thomas about the book stuff so he can put it on there.  McGee talked with Sam, who talked with some of the other hunters he trusts, and said they can have a lesser access password to get into the research portions."

"That is good news.  How much is it costing us?"

"A lot less than buying our own.  We've got the equivalent of LiveJournal's capabilities at the moment."

"I've never been there."

"It's basically a lot like making an online journal.  We can host terrabytes of info.  They agreed to upgrade us so we should not run out of space for the next sixty years."

"Even better.  So we're set?"

"We are set.  We hired an on-site tech person through McGee to monitor that for us and to make sure the passwords and things aren't hacked.  McGee talked with Sam, who talked with a hunter who used computers.  He recommended, McGee vetted his skills, and I hired."

"Wonderful."  He smiled.  "Now all we need to do is to wait on the next election to see if we're moving everyone back."

"The president told me he's going to talk to his successor to make sure Daniel keeps his job.  That'll give us a few years to be fully up and able to start over out there on the ground running."

"I can handle that timetable."  He patted him on the back.  "Good work, Xander.  You deserve a day off."

"I can't.  I have a minor weapons case on my desk plus two training exercises for Dean if he ever comes in from the yard."

"That's fine."  He went to find him.  "Dean, Xander has two cases for you."

"I heard.  We're finishing up military PT."  He came in to get them, finding Xander going over his own case.  "I hear you're getting a secretary," he taunted with an evil smirk.

"Assistant who can run things," Xander told him with a happy smile.  "She used to help run an agency.  We're a lot less complicated."

"Hey, that's good news.  Dad can come home."

"Next week.  We introduced her to John," Wesley said from the hallway.  "He said she was competent and still nice.  Buffy liked her too."

"Even better news.  So, we'll hit the town tonight, Xander?"

Xander shrugged.  "Weapons case."

"Eeeh.  We'll try then."  He went to get those off his desk, finding Tony leaning down to look at something on it.  "Xander has two cases for the girls?"

"One.  I'm not sure about the others."

"He said he had two and a weapons case."

"He's got five on here."

Dean called Xander.  "You have five cases."  He hung up, looking.  "This one looks like ours."

Xander came in to look, pointing at another folder.  "That one was Ryan's earlier.  I was helping him with it."  Dean nodded, taking his two with him.  Xander looked over Ryan's case, putting down what he knew it was.  "Ryan, it's Spike."

"Why me?" he muttered.

"Because he thinks you'd make a good childe.  You're a bit sneaky, you can menace and if you have to fight.  Be impressed.  He asked for you specifically to come taunt him."  He grinned before tossing it back.  "There you go."  He looked at the other file he shouldn't have.  "Eric, they did get the demon with the big hunting cat."  He made a short report then tossed it at him.

"Thanks, Xander."

Tony grinned.  "Good delegation skills, Xander."

"I do try now and then," he quipped.  He smirked.  "Wesley hired me an assistant to take on all the watchery paperwork."

"Good.  Take the night off," Tony told him.

"Weapons case."

Mac came over to look then took it to walk off.  "I can do it since it's Chicago.  My team made a good impression on the locals."

"Fine.  Any other work I have?" he asked.

"Not unless you want my research case," Calleigh offered.  "I have no idea what it is and neither does Thomas."

He came over to look, smirking and crossing out something.  "If you remove the drunk guy's explanation or look at what he was trying to say, then you get a very nasty looking poltergeist."

"Huh.  We hadn't thought about that."  She looked it over.  "Even with his statement it looks like a poltergeist but the officer's report clashes."   She pointed at that bit of information.

"Calleigh, at the bottom it said his boss tested him and he blew a point-one-one."

"Huh?"  He pointed.  "So another drunk guy.  Okay.  Was he drinking before or afterward?"

"Doesn't matter.  Drunks often can't find what they really want to say.  This was clearly transcribed and edited since there's no slurring on either statement.  Want me to go on it?"

"If you want."

He grinned, taking it to call them.  "Hi, this is DCIS Agent Harris.  No, it's nothing that bad."  Sometimes he was really amused by that reaction.  "My desk was free so I took it from Agent Duquesne.  Is that officer sober now?  Can we get a new account from him that isn't edited and in drunk speech?"  He smiled.  "That's what I was figuring.  Please do.  Thank you, Sergeant Wilkes."  He hung up and went to wait by the fax machine.  Daniel gave him a look.  "Sober statement on Calleigh's case."

"You don't have enough of your own?" he asked.

"Mac took my weapons case.  Dean got two new training ones."

"Huh.  So we're in the summer slowdown?"

Xander shrugged.  "We'll have something happen soon I'm sure."  A fax started so he grabbed his sheet, going back to the desk.  Yeah, it was a poltergeist playing pranks.  He could handle that.  He called him back to see if they wanted him to handle it or to handle it on their own.  They wanted him to come deal with it so he headed out.  "Going upstate," he called as he walked past Daniel's door.  "Should be back for dinner."

"That's fine.  Take one of our cars, Xander," he called after him.

"Sure thing, boss."  He grabbed some keys from the security office.  "Heading upstate to deal with a poltergeist."  He headed out, going to grab the usual gear.  It was kept in the armory too.  He got his service piece back too, already reloaded, cleaned, and with two spare clips.  "Thanks, Jack."  He grinned.  "I could have cleaned it."

"The military guys didn't need my help with theirs.  You haven't brought me anything recently."

"I probably won't be today either.  I'm going to deal with a poltergeist upstate."

"Can I come?" Sam Winchester called.

"If you want."  He grinned at Jack.  "Give him my spare gun.  He's well trained for that."  He bopped him on the arm.  "Mac took my weapons case so he might have something for you.  Or hey, I've got to go investigate a few new demon-operated pawn shops that got opened by some dealer clan outcasts.  They might have weapons."

"That could be nice.  This is the easiest job I've ever had."

Xander snickered.  "You can come on cases if you want."

"No thanks.  I'd have to join your team because you do outrageous and impossible shit."

"Good point."  Sam Winchester came in with a backpack on.  "Poltergeist."

"I heard."  He got Xander's spare gun and another set of gear to help dig up the body if they had to.  "Okay, let's go."  He grinned at Jack.  "The girls aren't making more work for me."

"Maybe all the military guys means that we'll get some new agents," Xander offered as they walked.  "There's got to be a few on military bases."

"That's a good point.  You should mention it to Daniel."

Xander called him.  "It's me and Sam.  We had an idea.  Aren't there demons on military bases and things?  Should we maybe be training MP's for that?"  He grinned.  "I'm sure it would but it'd be another layer of training in case.  With the guys we have we can train them in this stuff too so they know in case they run into it.  Your old project would be the place to do that since you guys handle the impossible things like I do."  He laughed.  "Thanks, Daniel."  He hung up.  "He agreed, it's not a bad idea."  Sam smiled.  "Which means more work for you two."

"It happens."  They got into the SUV and Xander started it, buckling up.  Sam did the same.  Xander turned on the radio to a thumping rock station and they backed out, heading off.

"You can tell when it's the younger agents," one of the guards said once they were gone.  He had the new guy to train.  "They have the music on.  The older guys don't.  Winchester and Harris can both thump the road with theirs."

"That was Harris?  He looked so normal."

"That was Harris and the younger Winchester.  Which means the girls may pout later on when they come looking for one of them."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He went over the gate protocol sheet again.  "What about the military guys?"

"Log them out the same way while they're here.  They're technically long-term visitors at the moment.  Put a rank if you can."  That got a nod.  "Good."  He showed him the book.  "These are things that you call up to the main office if they show up.  Not all are bad, not all are good, but if they show up, we call immediately."

He flipped through it.  "Furry mice demons?"

"Something like that.  They were very nice and very polite.   They came looking for some help for their people.  They were having a small drought and sickness.  Rode motorcycles."

"Interesting."  He kept going.  "Car."  They put down the bar, smiling when the car pulled up.  "Another agency?" he guessed.

The guard walked out.  "Agent Reid, nice to have you back.  Visiting or case, sir?"

"Case.  I'm here to talk to Rosenburg for Caine."

"That's fine, sir.  Park in the usual spot and head in.  Harris and Sam Winchester just left on a case upstate but they said they'll be back by tonight."

"Thanks," he said with a grin.  "Have a good day."  The bar was raised and he drove in to park in his usual lot.  He gathered his bag, heading inside.  "Horatio."  He shook his hand.

"Spenser, thank you.  The judge wanted an evaluation and I don't think the local base psychologist can help too much with her.  We have no idea why she turned so dark or even how she got out of the crystal they had her in."

"There's a few things specific to Sunnydale that you might not have heard about," he admitted.  "Including that she went magic addiction back then."  Horatio shuddered.  "She actually tried to end the world when she lost her girlfriend Tara.  Xander ended up stopping her and they sent her to Devon, England to work with a coven there.  We can see if this is a continuation or not though.  It's not a problem."

"Thank you."  He led him down to the jail.  "This is our profiler, Spenser Reid.  He's FBI."

"Agent Reid, we will need you to leave your sidearm and take something safer," the head guard said.  He locked it in a box for him and handed him something else.  "That squeezes here," he said with a point.  "It shoots a light energy beam out this end.  No one in the prison can use one once they've been in overnight.  Test it please?"  Spenser tested it on an already burned chair.  "Good.  Rosenburg is in the magically null section, B-3."  He pointed at the chart.  "She's here.  Ignore this whole section, they've been acting up all day."  That got a nod and he let him inside with Horatio.  "Good luck."

"She's no worse than some I've seen," he assured him calmly.  They walked into the jail.  "I've been in a number of jails over the years.  This one is very nice.  Very clean too."

"We do try to be good to our prisoners," Horatio agreed.  "Chase handles their injuries and all that when they happen."  The prisoners started to hoot and call.  "He's an agent," Horatio yelled.  "Pipe down."

"It's normal," he assured him.  He stopped at one yelling vulgar comments.  "Do you have Turret's?"  The demon glared.  He smirked.  "You yell like you do."

"I'd never be weak enough to have a human illness," he sneered.

"Then quit acting like it."  The demon pouted.  "I'm sure you'll regain honor when you quit acting like a human."  The demon nodded, settling in to read again.  They walked on and Spenser saw the smile.  "I'm a psychologist, what can I say."  They went through the door that had magically-null stamped on it in warning and he grimaced.  "This whole area feels dead."

"That's the dampening field," Horatio told him.  He led him back to Willow's cell, letting him pull a chair over.  "Willow, this is Spenser Reid.  The judge wanted him to talk to you before he made his decision."

"You're a shrink?" she asked, looking him over.

"No, I'm a profiler."  She stared.  He stared back.  He casually sat down.  "I've done most of the agent profiles, including Xander's, over the last few years."

"You're here to see if I'm going to go bad?" she snorted.

"No, I'm here to see if there's a chance of redeeming you," he corrected.  She glared.  "You've already went bad a few times, Willow.  I'm here to see if you should be given another chance."  He crossed his legs.  "Now, let's talk.  I can assure you that I'm not going to gratuitously spread around anything we talk about.  I'll have to make a report to a judge but I won't be writing a paper or anything from this.  If I do end up doing something like that I would come to you first.  I do believe in not telling everything unless necessary.   Agreed?"

"That's a better 'lying only makes therapy last longer' speech than my mother used to give."

"I heard your parents were on the lecture circuit.  Thank you, Horatio."  Horatio nodded and left them alone.  "There, better?"

"Much.  He's icy and unnerving."

"Yet, Faith and the other slayers think he'd make a good watcher."

"They do?"  He nodded.  "That's just strange."

"He's got a kind soul for the victims, but he's had to get that icy exterior dealing with the bad things he saw as an officer and bomb squad."

"He was?"

"Yes."

"I didn't know that."  She settled in on her bunk.  "How far back are we going?"

"I can start in your childhood if you want to talk, Willow.  I have no problem talking about whatever you want to talk about.  The more I learn about you the more accurate my profile of you and your future will be."

She nodded.  "I guess.  I have no idea how this stuff works."

He smiled. "It's like therapy only I'm the one finding facts instead of you."

She shrugged.  "Both my parents were shrinks who knew the books but not people."

He nodded.  "Some of us can be that way."

***

Jack looked worried when Xander hadn't shown up for dinner, going to find Daniel.  "Xander and Sam aren't back yet."

He checked his watch.  "Xander usually calls if he's stranded so I'm guessing the poltergeist hunt took longer than he expected."  He looked up at him.  "This is Xander, he'll be fine.  I'm sure he will.  We can call if you're that worried."

"I tried, his phone said it was dead."

"He's compulsively forgot to charge his phone for the last few months.  Here, Sam Winchester's number," he said, handing it over.  "Try his."

"I did, it's dead too."

"Could the EMF pulse of the poltergeist be doing it?"

"No clue.  That's not my field."

"Ask Dean.  If Sam's in trouble Dean would know.  Plus he gets feelings off Xander now and then thanks to their bond."

"I didn't think about that."  He handed back the number and left to find Dean.  He found him getting the slayers to dinner.  "Hey."  He pulled him off to the side.  "They haven't come back yet," he said quietly.

He searched for the bond.  "Xander's really calm.  Sam's not so calm but he can panic during a hunt if something's not going according to plan.  Did you try calling?"

"Both phones are dead."

"Sometimes a poltergeist will knock them out," he admitted.  "Usually they'll zap the hunter and get it from their pocket."

"That's good to know.  Should I worry?"

"Nah.  Sammy's experienced in poltergeists and we taught Xander how to handle any spirit manifestation since we did so many of them."

"Good.  Then I'll quit worrying."

"Is your bad shit radar going off?"

"I'm ...uneasy but nothing like we're about to be attacked feelings."

"Good.  Let me know if that changes so I can get the girls."  He walked into the caf, watching the girls pout.  "They're eating after us.  You guys can talk to the military guys later.  Eat."  They dug in, eating like usual.  He looked at Anna, then at Brenda.  "Sammy's going to be back late tonight with Xander."

"We can hold off our movie time until tomorrow night," Anna said.  "Are they okay?"

"Poltergeist upstate."

"Not too bad then.  Even Xander can't make a poltergeist into a major case," Brenda said.

"True.  People are just uneasy because of that last base assault."

"They're gone," Brenda said.  She saw someone she didn't know walking in.  "Who's he?"

Dean looked then back at her.  "That's Spenser Reid, the profiler for the agency.  He usually works out of DC but he's in to talk to Rosenburg."

"I wish him luck dealing with the evil things," Anna said.

"He deals with them all the time, just normal evil things."  Dean nudged her elbow.  "Manners and eat more.  You're growing.  You too, Brenda.  She's growing."

She smiled, adding more to both their plates and his.  "There, now we can all eat."  She looked at her stomach then at him.  "So far it's not too bad."

"You're only four months along.  It'll get worse in your third trimester," he reminded her gently.

"I know but I get to enjoy it now."  She leaned closer.  "Dean, the books said something about the second trimester and *needs*," she hissed.

He stared for a minute then grinned.  "If you gotta scratch that itch, you gotta," he told her.  "I'm sure Dad remembers Mom's pretty well.  He won't say anything."

"How do I start that conversation?  The baby's needy, do you feel like playing?"

He shrugged.  "That I do not know.  I've never had to pick up anyone while pregnant."  She giggled, swatting him.  "Ask House.  He might know someone."

"I can do that.  I might blush myself to death...."

"He's probably heard it asked before.  Just be gentle," he warned.

"Yes, Dean."  He smirked.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  Eat more, you'll definitely need it for energy even if you do go raid Xander's closet."

"That's a bad, naughty idea," she chided.  "I'm too good of a good girl for Anya's toy chest."  She dug in anyway.  The baby was hungry.  She walked down to the infirmary once she was done, taking the antacid Chase handed her.  "Chase, is House around?"

"He's at his place.  He took tonight off since we have more help.  Are you having problems?"

She blushed.  "Second trimester stuff.  I have no idea how to handle that issue."

"Gently and remember to use condoms," he instructed.  "No hormonal methods like a vaginal ring, and be sure to check if you're using spermicide foam too."

She nodded.  "How do you pick up someone for that purpose?"

"That I don't know.  I've never had to do it."

"Dean said the same thing."

He smirked.  "I doubt House has but he might know of someone to hit on.  Go talk to him.  His piano can wait."  She nodded, walking that way.  He made a quick note in her chart about that topic of discussion, just in case House needed to know sometime.

Brenda knocked on House's door, getting him a few minutes later.  "How do I pick up someone to take care of the second trimester urges?" she asked.  "Dean and Chase didn't know."

House stared at her, then burst out giggling.  "I don't think I could help you personally but I can take you to the local club and drop you off," he offered.

She grimaced.  "That seems cheaper than Dean picking up waitresses.  John would mind."

"Probably.  He seems uptight that way."  He let her inside.  "You can't just go pick up a boy and not mention the baby?"

"I'd have to mention her and that would send them running."

"Maybe," he agreed.  "There's all those military guys."

"They're staying away from us."

He called upstairs.  "Abby, it's House.  Brenda's in that second trimester spot.  Yes, that one.  Know anyone?"  He listened.  "That's not a bad idea.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "She does know someone who's sweet and needy at the moment.  She'll talk to them."  The girl nearly wiggled on his couch.  "First, go take a good bath, young lady.  Use a condom.  Be gentle, no tying you down in strange positions."

"Yes, House."  She kissed him on the cheek before leaving.  She may be a deadly thing and a slayer but she was feeling mushy at the moment.  Damn hormones.  Abby called her over an hour later, letting her pick a pretty dress to wear.  Abby introduced her to one of the military guys, who was happy to meet her.  He was divorced and had a wife who had two that he wasn't allowed to see anymore thanks to the wife's new religious zeal.  He understood this urge very well.  Brenda blushed but he was gentle with her and they could find somewhere unused for the night.

***

Spenser looked at Daniel.  "Where am I bunking tonight?"

"We cleared out Xander's spare room if you want it."

"I can do that.  Thanks."

"Anything good?"

He grimaced.  "Not totally.  I think she's warped it into thinking that it's good that she's doing these things.  She's convinced herself that it's good of her.  But I'm still digging.  She's got some shields up and I'm not sure if she's covering up deeper problems."

"Let us know when you're done."

"I can do that.  Will Xander mind?"

"He's upstate dealing with a poltergeist."

"Oh.  Okay then.  I'll be tidy and things."

"I don't think he'd care, Spenser.  He's not Ryan."

"Good point, though his OCD is getting better."  He grinned before walking out.  Some coffee and he retired to Xander's apartment.  Dean picked the lock for him when he ran into him in the hallway.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  Taking Xander's pull-out?"

"It has to be comfier than some motel beds we've slept in over the years."

"Yeah, I guess it probably is.  I've stayed in some really lumpy places."

"I'm sure you have.  You should have kept notes to pass on to other hunters about them and restaurants."

"I might let Sammy do that," he said with a smirk.  "The sheets were changed since the military chick was in there and before then when he used to get Anya in there to keep me up."  He went back to his own place, settling in for the night in front of his game system.

Spenser walked in and closed the door, looking around.  Xander hadn't really decorated very much.  A few books, some pictures.  Nothing more than that.  He walked around the apartment.  Nothing there was too personal.  Nothing that could positively ID the person living there.  Which meant to him that it looked like a temporary apartment.  Maybe he'd talk to Xander about that the next day when he finally got back.  He did find one interesting picture in the guy's bedroom.  Him and another young guy.  They were the same age.  Looked very friendly.  They were all but cuddled together.  Young teenage years.  "That must be him," he said quietly, putting it back in the exact same spot.  Not that Xander wouldn't realize he had snooped but it was unkind to move it on him.

He took a shower and then went to make up the pullout bed.  Xander had spare sheets since the bed was bare.  The nice military person who had slept on it had been kind enough to remove the old ones for him.  That was kind of her.  He laid down to read for a bit.  Then he decided to call the team.  "Guys, I'm still okay," he said in greeting.  "It went well talking to Rosenburg."  He listened.  "No, George didn't get me with his poisoned spines, Morgan.  He was following Abby around for more plant food.  I did get to see some of the military guys here on base playing  unicorn soccer though."  He grinned.

"Their base had a problem so they sent them here for safety reasons.  They're mostly in the temporary housing building and the other remaining old buildings.  Xander's pull-out.  No, it's pretty comfy.  He's off on a case.  I'm fine, I promise.   There's not going to be a base assault tonight or anything.  Calm down about it.  Really."  He grinned.  "Reading in bed.  I thought I'd check in before someone panicked.  Sure,  have a better night."  He hung up and went back to his book.  He'd definitely talk to Xander when he got back to thank him for lending the pull-out.

***

Xander finally drove back onto base, parking in front of the armory.  Jack came out so Xander turned off the engine, getting out.  Sam got out the other side, heading straight to the infirmary since his arm was in a sling.  "So, how bored are you?" he asked with a smug look.

Jack had seen that look before.  "How did you turn a poltergeist into a real case?  Not even I'm that bad, Xander."

"The town we were in was up next to the border.  Sam pointed out a clan of demons that were refueling after crossing in an obviously charmed truck."  He closed the truck door.  "But anyway,  you have stuff in the trunk for your cataloging pleasure and then there's another truck coming tonight from Border Patrol."  He walked off, heading into the building and up to the boss's office.  He tossed Fargo a USB key.  "Here, the report in pre-proof read format.  Don't choke."

"That bad?" he asked.  "Why are you banged up from a poltergeist, Xander?"

Xander grinned.  "It wasn't him.  Though it did try to beat me a few times."  He walked past Daniel's office.  "We busted the smuggling ring that was using compulsion spells on Border Patrol and confiscated their drugs, weapons, and people," he called as he walked past Daniel's door.  "Fargo has the report."

Daniel moaned, thumping his head on the desk.  "Why me?" he muttered.

Horatio stared at him.  "Tough poltergeist?" he guessed.  He had some bruises and a ripped t-shirt on.

"Drug, gun, and people running demons.  They even compulsed Border Patrol, a whole shack so whoever was working would see their trucks as fuel efficient compact cars that only had two people.  Even if it was a small semi."  He grinned.  "Thank you, Calleigh.  Jack needed more work.  He said he was bored."  He walked off, going to find Dean in his office with Anna.  "Sam's fine."

"The poltergeist bang you guys around?"

"Yes, and so did the smuggling demons."  Dean groaned.  "He dislocated his shoulder but I put it back in for him."

"That's nice of you," he said, glaring at the door since Xander had moved on.  "Let me check on Sammy."  Anna gave him a hug.  "Then we'll go over your next year's school schedule."

"Yes, Dean.  I hope he's okay.  Xander comes back banged up from his cases all the time."

"I'm sure he does."  He went to check on Sammy, jogging into the infirmary.  "How badly was he beaten so I can go kick Xander's ass?"

"I was removing the compulsion from the Border Patrol shack when another type that was guarding them tried to attack," Sam told him.  "I told him what I was doing once Xander had him cuffed and begging for mercy.  He didn't realize it so he let me."

Dean stared for a moment.  That was strange even for them or Xander.  "What did you two find?" he demanded.

Daniel walked in.  "Sam, since apparently this joint vacation problem you guys had was just you and Xander, I'll let Xander take Dean on vacation next time instead of both of you.  That way he has someone who can watch his back again."  House burst out cackling.  "Where's the rest of the stuff he confiscated?"

"Coming later in a truck.  It should be here about dinner."

"I'll let Jack know.  Are you all right?"

"Just dislocated.  I'll be fine, Danny."

"Good."  He grabbed something for his headache, walking off drinking it on the way up to get that report from Fargo.  Fargo had already worked it over and was printing it out.  He sighed when he saw the thickness.  "Do I want to know?"

"I'd expect Border Patrol to call to make sure they weren't doing it to other outpost shacks."

Daniel moaned, taking it once it was stapled together.  "Thanks, Fargo."  He went to read it in the squad room, making Horatio moan.  "Who gave him the poltergeist?"  She raised her hand.  "Thank you for making Xander unbored."

"He said Jack was bored," Calleigh offered.

Daniel held up the report to show how thick it was.  They all groaned.  "No, Xander was bored."  He went back to reading.  It was an amusing read.  "He didn't mention the group of military demons," he muttered a minute later.  "But apparently they were pleasant about having their things searched."  He kept reading because he knew it'd get worse.  "Oh, they came back to help when Xander put out a call for it.  It's good he called for backup this time."  He turned the page and found out why.  "That's going... Calleigh, Horatio, Mac, Jack might need some help cataloging the confiscated stuff that's coming later tonight."

"Is it going to be better or worse than the portals we got from LA that time?" Calleigh asked.

He looked up.  "He doesn't mention any portals."  She moaned.  "But it's going to be bigger than an SUV of confiscated stuff."

"We can help," Mac promised.  Horatio nodded.  He looked at Calleigh.  "Did you think he was bored?"

"He did that all by himself.  I only gave him the poltergeist case," she defended.  "Only Xander can go for a poltergeist and come back with a major smuggling ring."

"And enchanted Border Patrol agents," Daniel told her.  She whined.  He nodded. "They were charming their checking stations instead of each agent.  They probably will be calling later, just like he said.  Someone go answer my phone, Tony."

"Gee, thanks, don't you have Fargo for that?" he joked.

"They'll ask for you anyway," Daniel said with a smug look.  "They remember you from working with Gibbs.

"Gibbs would've smacked one of us if we had accidentally found a smuggling ring," Tony complained.  But he did go wait in the office for the call they'd be getting.

***

Jack walked out of the armory when the gate guards called to warn him the truck was there.  What he saw amused the hell out of him.  It was an escorted, light semi.  One of the smaller ones, only eight or so feet long.  He called Daniel.  "He said truck, right?"  He nodded once.  "Just came through the gate."  He pointed.  "Park it there," he ordered.  "That way we don't have to carry as far."

Daniel walked out, staring at the truck.  "Xander!  You should've warned us!" he shouted.

Jack looked at him.  "He said a truck.  It is technically a truck."

"Not cute of him," Daniel countered.  He saw the man getting out of the back of the escort vehicle.  That explained why no one had called.  "Director Simmons.  I'm Daniel Jackson."

"Director Jackson," he said, shaking his hand.  "Thank your man for me.  We had no idea they could do this stuff."  He looked at the truck as their armory person unsealed it.  "I know it's a lot of work but we found a few other shipments today."

"So most of that wasn't Xander's find?" he asked dryly.

"No, most of it is.  We found a few kilos of drugs in another one.  And in one case we found a witch sneaking her familiar back through.  We let that one go since she's native and we have no idea how to handle it."

"This is a strange situation," he agreed.  "I had no idea this was going on."

"Can we talk to your people about finding out how it was done and putting preventative measures in place?"

"We don't have many magically gifted people but I can get Wesley Wyndham-Pryce down to talk to you about it.  He's third in command of the Slayers Council."  That got a smirk and a nod.  "The one earlier was Agent Harris and Sam Winchester, who's part of the training team for the slayers."

"That was Harris?  He seemed so normal."

"He is until we're attacked," he assured him with a smile.  They seemed to hear that a lot when Xander wasn't doing something typical for his cases.  The other director nodded back.  "But yes, we can gladly help you find out how it was done, see if Wesley can find some way to prevent it from happening again, and then track down any shipment lines we have here in the US.  Plus help you set in any policies you may need and let you borrow space in our jail if you arrest demons for smuggling."

"That's what I like to have happen," he agreed.  "Can we do that tonight?"

"We can but I'm afraid we don't have any temporary housing open at the moment if you need to stay overnight.  One of our associated projects had a base-wide sickness start so we had to evacuate them.  They're using most of our temporary spaces."

"I can understand that.  There was a nice motel in town."

"Good.  Jack, let me get Horatio and them so they can help."

"Can you spank Xander?" he asked.  "Please?"

Daniel looked at him.  "It doesn't compare to his vacation where he won a realm by being a geek, Jack.  Really."

"Never mind.  I'll sic the girls on him later."  He looked in the truck.  "How are we storing this?"

"There until we can arrange for a weapons destruction run for most of it," Daniel told him.  "Drugs too.  We can lock and guard the trailer."

The other director nodded.  "You can keep it for however long you want it, sir."  He followed Daniel inside.  "This is a nice headquarters."

"They did a good job when they rehabed us," he agreed.  He leaned into security.  "This is the head of the Border Patrol."

"His pass should work to any but executive areas, sir," the head guard told him.  That got a nod and they went up to the office, with a stop for dinner on the way.

Calleigh came out with a thermos of coffee, a basket for dinner, and a package of pens.  Mac and Horatio had log-in forms and clipboards.  "Oh, dear," she said, looking into the back of the truck.  She sighed.  "At least it's not packed full.  It won't take as long as the portals from LA did."

Horatio looked then at her.  "Maybe.  I'll take drugs, Mac you three take the weapons since there's more?"  They nodded, settling in to bring in the first few locked boxes of evidence.  "Shouldn't Xander be helping?"

"Xander isn't fully qualified to log in guns.  The same as Dean isn't even if he knows what most of them are," Calleigh said.  "Our judge said so."

"Crap," he muttered.

Danny Messer leaned in.  "Need help?"

"Yes, you and Stella, Ryan and Eric get the next shift so we're not doing this all night," Mac ordered.

"Sure, we can do that."  He looked in the truck then at them.  "We love it when Xander stumbles over problems."  He left to tell the others they'd have a late shift tonight.  "Guys?"  They all looked at him.  "Me, Stella, Eric, and Ryan got second shift of logging in and notating the bust from Border Patrol."

"How bad?" Speed asked.  "And why not me?"

"You can run drug samples if you want."

"I can do that.  How bad?"  He pointed.  Speed looked outside then laughed.  "It's a semi," he said, sounding hysterical.  "Only Xander."  He walked off shaking his head. "I'll run samples," he called into the armory.

"Please do," Horatio agreed, holding up two.  "Here you go.  The first of many."  Speed took them to the lab to work on. He found Sheppard watching Abby and McKay argue about something forensics.  "Hey," he said, interrupting it.  "That semi of stuff Border Patrol confiscated is here.  I've got to run drug samples.  Do we have the secure storage area cleaned out?"

"That many?" she asked.  He pointed outside.  She looked and moaned.  "Poor Xander.  He's never going to hear the end of this."

"Not from us," Speed agreed.  "H is logging in drugs.  They've planned for a second shift.  Mac, Calleigh, and Jack are doing weapons."

"No Dean?  He'll pout if he can't play with them."

"The judge said that they're qualified but not experts in the field of weapons, even if they can use everything there.  So no."

"Hell.  Here, use my system to do the drugs, Speed.  We can go help."  She led the way down to the armory.  "Anything else for my people beyond drug samples?"

"There's some blood on this gun," Jack offered.  She came over to swab it for him, taking it up to run it.  "Thanks, Abby."

"Welcome.  Remember to eat dinner."

He looked at her back.  "You're on a mothering kick?" he guessed.

She shrugged, grinning back at him.  "No idea."  She went up to look at the blood sample.

Calleigh leaned over to show him how to do that and how to notate the box of the swab.  "This is how you do that," she said quietly.  He nodded, getting it.  "Have fun and ask if you find more samples of odd things."

"I have slime in this one's cartridge," Mac told her.  She handed him a swab.  "Let's hope we can find the pipelines."

"It might lead back to some human arms dealers," Calleigh agreed.

"I'm hoping the Canadians aren't too overloaded helping," Horatio told them.  "They just barely got their new enhanced jail set up."

"I'm betting they've got people in it now," Calleigh quipped with a grin.

Stella walked in and looked in the truck then at them.  "Damn."

"Very.  Xander and Sam Winchester went up to handle a poltergeist and caught one of them gassing up a hidden truck."

Stella moaned.  "That's so bad."  She walked off shaking her head.  "We'll be down at midnight.  Remember to eat something during your breaks, guys."

"Maybe someone laid a nagging spell on the building," Jack mused.

"It's entirely possible," Mac agreed.  "Abby was fussing at Xander night-before-last from what I heard."

Jack O'Neill and John Sheppard walked in and stared inside the truck.  "I have a bored arms master from their project," Jack offered.

"That'd help," Bauer agreed.  He smirked.  "Xander was bored."

"Clearly he needs a new girlfriend or something else to take his time and attention."  John snickered, shaking his head.  "It could help."

"The girls still want him to rope, tie up, and claim an agent," John reminded him.  "He told one the other night it wasn't going to happen since none had hit on him."

"I'll suggest that."  He went to talk to Tony about finding Xander someone reasonable to date.  "DiNozzo?"  He looked up from his typing.  "Can't you find someone good for Xander to date?  That way he's not bored anymore?"

"I don't think I can find any good, evil people," he admitted.  "Only the bad girls are attracted to him.  As for agents.... if they wanted, they probably would've hit on him before this.  I have no idea why no one has."  He shrugged.  "Hope springs eternal but we have no clue who he's going to finally end up with."

"Try, please?"

"I can keep trying," he promised.  "Gibbs too."

"Thanks."  He walked off to talk to Daniel about if he needed help from his bored people.  They were just sitting around.

***

Two days later, Xander walked into a demon marketplace, looking around.  He whistled sharply, getting attention from everyone.  Those that didn't hear got nudged to pay attention.  "DCIS has heard that there are demons smuggling things into the US from Canada and Mexico," he announced.  "We do not like it.  Border Patrol has asked us to look into this matter.  This is *my* case.  My team's case," he said.  A few shuddered.  "If you should know anything, I would appreciate hearing about it now, before I have to do something like we did in LA last year.  The more who nark, the less I have to hunt, people.

"I respect most of you too much to want to track them past the innocent members of their clans and families.  So please spare Calleigh's temper and let us know if you hear anything.  Also, this is a raid!" he shouted.  More agents filed in.  "The second row over there, guys.  Those are all the weapons areas.  The illegal fruit smuggling is on this side.  Watch out for the orange looking things that're shaped like footballs.  They make humans sick."  He followed to the weapons areas, smirking at one.  "Good morning!" he shouted.  The demons tried to flee but were captured.  "Idiot.  Just turn them over and we can make a deal.  Running adds charges if we find you've got something to hide."

The demon gave him a pitiful look.  "It makes us money, Agent Harris."

"I know that.  It makes you good money but some of you guys sell them to human bad guys who do stupid things with it.  We can't have that.  Our arms master would be very disappointed."

He nodded, looking down.  "Turning over the shippers and smugglers would get us off?"

"That's between you and our prosecutors.  Horatio's got a live link to him in the truck."  They took him that way while they searched.  He had a lot of artillery.  "Oooh, baby," he cooed, petting one case's contents.  "Such a pretty baby.  We'll make sure Jack keeps you for our apocalypse vault."

The ATF agent helping gave him the oddest look.  "Why do you need something that big?" he demanded.

Xander grinned.  "Things sometimes need the bigger bangs.  Just look at the last ascension."

He shuddered.  "No thanks.  You guys are cataloging?"

"You can help.  Our arms master might like the help.  He's just now finished up what Border Patrol caught."

"Are you guys going to start running continuing education classes on how to identify demons and things?" one of the agents asked.

"Ask Daniel.  That's his job.  I get cases like this."  He grinned.  "Just think, I busted this one while pumping gas after going out on a poltergeist call."

They all shuddered.  They had heard of him doing the improbable.  This proved it.

***

The president called Daniel, giving him a pointed look.  "A request has been put in to have you teach other agencies how to deal with demons.  Both bad and good ones."

"We can easily do that, sir.  We have most of the demonology lectures on tape."

"That's good.  What about a weekend seminar to put it into a better, less lengthy perspective?"

"I might be able to arrange something but it'd probably be more than one weekend."

"We have the shortened manual for identification," Fargo reminded him from the doorway.  "Jack's in my office swearing," he said.

"Why?  And which one?"  He pointed downstairs.  "Why is he swearing?  Excuse me for a minute, sir.  Fargo?"

"They busted a lot of stuff closing off the pipeline that Xander found while pumping gas.  ATF has said they don't want to deal with it.   We have enough weapons coming to need a bunker, Daniel."

"That bad?"

"They cited a number at least three times worse than what they already gave us from that one market.  That's not counting the individual suppliers and things."

"I'll call LA's ATF office to see if they can take some of it to catalog and things."

"I tried.  They said they will not deal with demons.  Should I call Agent Epps?"

"Yes.  Let him handle that.  I know Xander called his team in to participate.  Let him handle anything from his area of the US."

"I can do that.  What about the other things?"

"Call our liaisons to have them help.  If it's not in a city with a good office we can count on, tell Jack he'll get help from us."

"Yes, sir."  He left to do that.

"I didn't know the DCIS motto was 'never a dull moment'," the present quipped.

"I think unofficially it's 'better you than us'," he said with a grin.  "Never a dull moment comes in when we haven't had a bad run of cases in a while.  Though it was nice that Mac and Don both turned into Xander during their recent busts.  Mac had to tackle one trying to get away.  Don had a standoff he mouthed his way out of.  Stella made them medals saying 'Xander for a day'."

The president laughed.  "That's good to know.  Did we find a lot?"

"Yes, sir.  I'm told by Fargo that the stuff from LA alone is going to be about three semi's full."

"Oh, sh....  How long has this been going on?"

Daniel shrugged.  "Years probably.  My people are tracking the demons to their human connections for the regular agents to deal with."

"Someone's arrest statistics are going to be going up.  How many agents went on the raid in LA?"

"Ten from ATF, half of mine, Don Epps' team out of LA's FBI office and a few backing his team up.  They mostly went through the records to find any humans dealing with them.  My teams chased down all the demons who were buying and selling from their stores."

"Did the Slayers Council people arrange for someone to check out all the other Border Patrol spots?"  Daniel nodded.  "Good.  How long before that happens?"

"Within the month.  There's only six people Wesley knew who could do the work.  He's talked to four of them, they're already starting by their areas."

"Even better.  Can we train more?"

"You find us more witches and we can find someone to train them.  So said Wesley."

"I'll see if we have any.  Think you can run that seminar before the holidays?  I know you guys get busy in the spring."

"Probably.  House was thinking about running one for doctors and nurses around Halloween.  We might be able to share materials around the same time.  Four days for agents, three days for medical personnel."

"That might work," he decided.  "Probably be cheaper to rent out the hotel for the week than two consecutive weekends too."  He made note of that.  "Let me know when you've finalized arrangements."

"Yes, sir."

"Thank you."  He looked up.  "How are Jack's people doing?"

"Not bad.  A bit bored.  The scientists are finished with their reports so they've been helping Abby with her updating forensics project.  Some are working on that demonically created portal problem we have that kept throwing things from Atlantis down here.  Oh, one of the areas he liked to throw things was Fargo's old post, sir."

"I've heard that.  I warned the people over GD and they were not impressed.  They gave Fargo back his access?"

"Yes, and he's going through to see what else was logged into their systems from up there."

"Good.  Any other major problems?"

"Not yet.  We're still wary since we've got that one assault coming this next spring and Xander's on eggshells about the IA board's decision."

"I emailed that to you."  He smirked.  "They found him quite reasonable for the way he was trained.  They did say it was nice the others had added to his old training to make him do things in a more officer and agent-style way.  The head of the panel said she's taking time off if Abby and her boyfriend get married."

"I told them they could hold it down here if they wanted."

"Are they planning on children?"

"Yes, but not for decades, sir.  We're all a bit scared of what those children will be like."

"Me too," he agreed, smirking some.  Someone said something off screen that he didn't hear.  "Daniel, I was just informed that your people's busts made the national news.  They wanted a quote."

"I'm still trying to hire a press person.  Let your press secretary make up whatever she needs, sir.  The basic facts are that Agent Harris caught sight of a magically concealed vehicle while gassing up after a case by the Canadian border.  He reported it as he should once he had detained the demons in the vehicle.  They showed the Border Patrol what had happened.  Sam Winchester, who would not want his name mentioned, found the spells on their outpost and removed it, with a small incident in the center because they had a harmless demon protecting them.  When he explained it to him, the harmless demon helped him remove it.  That led to many more busts that happened over the last two days."

"I can tell her that.  Can we have a copy of his initial report in case she has to reference to it?"

"I can have one sent over.  Xander had Fargo proof-read it while giving me a warning I'd need tums."

"You and Hammond both said the same thing about the people in your command," he said dryly.

"Sir, DCIS is my payback for making Hammond need tums and advil," he said dryly.  The president laughed so hard his face turned red and his Secret Service agents tried to get him calmed down.  "Sorry, guys.  I'll forward that report in a minute, sir.  Feel better soon."  He hung up.  "Fargo, please send the President a copy of that report for the Press Secretary.  The busts have made national news," he called.  He got into his email to find that one from the president.  He found it and printed it for later at dinner.  "Also send him a report on how many things you've found at GD from that portal problem."

"Yes, Daniel.  Already done."

"Thank you."  He leaned back, smiling when his deputy director walked in.  "We might have to make a press statement.  You up for it?"

"I've never given speeches or anything, Daniel."

"That's fine.  We'll let Tony handle it."

"Why me?" Tony called.

"You're respectable looking, you speak well in front of others, and you tried to run when Calleigh made that wish."

Tony leaned in. "I paid that back and it was a scary wish," he defended.

"If we had someone else...." Daniel started.

"It's Xander's bust.  Let him."

"Xander stumbles over words in front of them," Daniel reminded him.

"Then let Epps help him," he said dryly.  "I didn't even go on the busts, Danny.  Please?"

"Fine.  Or find us a press person very quickly."

"I can try."  He went to find them someone to talk to the press.  Starting with the assistant to a former president's press secretary.  She'd know or might be able to do it herself.

***

Milana Peters stepped up in front of the gathered press, patting down her dark black hair.  Her dark skin was flawless and her brown eyes were highlighted to the best effect.  Her arm-grip crutches were leaned against the podium.  "I am Milana Peters.  I am the new press person for DCIS," she announced.  They took note of that.  "Some people have been asking questions about a long series of raids and busts on the demon community.  I have a statement about that or you can ask questions and get most of it anyway.  Which would you prefer this time?"

"Questions," one said, standing up.  "What started off these raids?"

"Agent Xander Harris was gassing up his official vehicle when he noticed some demons had a magically camouflaged vehicle.  He stopped them, contacted Border Patrol since they were next to one and it was suspicious, and had the vehicle searched.  Due to that we have since found that they have magically charmed at least ten border entries so they could smuggle things from Mexico and Canada.  Someone is removing that at the moment.  With the tracking of the pipeline, they have found a lot of suppliers and some other dealers.  They have tracked back to other pipelines as well."  She was going to love this job.  As long as she didn't have to pronounce too many strange demon names.

***

Daniel stood up at dinner the night Xander got back, smiling at him.  "Xander, the Internal Affairs board reached a verdict."  The boy froze, staring at him, looking pitiful.  "They have decided it is very nice that all of us have extended your training from military style and hunting methods to agent and officer training styles.  They have found that even mouthing off had its good point in that situation.  They ruled it a good shoot and encouraged you to learn more of the agent styles so you were more smooth when things happened."  He handed over the email.

Xander read it and grinned.  "Did the senator give up?"

"Nope."

"Hell."

"Horatio and whoever can help you sort out what you're going to wear.  It's next week."

"Eww."

"A small panel.  Nothing too huge, nothing televised.  Please be polite and like you did when you testify.  Short and to the point."

"Do I need a lawyer?"

"Not that I know of.  We'll be sending you with Fargo.  The people who oversee his last project wanted to talk to him," he said when Fargo choked.  "I know I don't have to tell you two to behave and to not do anything that would give her more ammunition.  Xander, try not to find another case while you're there?"

"Sam pointed them out."

"Which is why Sam and others are helping me since the president and others want us to run a seminar for other agencies.  We'll be doing it the week before House does his for the medical people.   We'll get the week, they'll take the weekend."

"I'm nowhere near ready for that," House complained.

"This will let us share planning duties.  The president wanted them run before the holidays since we get so busy during the spring."

"I still have no idea how to do that beyond calling a hotel and saying 'we want to hold a conference with you these dates, how much'.  I haven't even picked a hotel to call yet."

"We can look at the people who do the forensic conventions," Abby offered.  "They can give you their checklist and how you handle those things."

"That might help but I'm already way behind."

"You're within a good time to book," Abby corrected.  "Usually within six months of the date you pick."

He grimaced.  "We're well beyond that for Halloween.  It's June."

"So plan it for right before Thanksgiving.  That way they get a few extra days of vacation in there," she told him.  Daniel shrugged that he could agree to that.  "Pick somewhere nice that won't have a ski season at that point or anything like local major festivals."

"Or just book in Vegas," Xander offered.  "They do plenty of conventions every year.  They might even have people who plan those things."

"They might," Daniel agreed.  "Where did you want to hold it, House?"

"Somewhere closer to the east coast than here.  Middle of the country maybe."

"Chicago?" Abby suggested.

"A lot of the agents are going to be higher ups from out of DC," Tony pointed out.  "The docs will come from all over, including internationally so you'll want a pretty major airport within easy commute distance.  If we're going middle of the country, try St. Louis.  Little activity, a few sights for the off hours.  Major tourist area if they want to do that stuff."

"Or Dallas," Xander offered.  "They're a major city, still roughly middle of the US, and have some major airports, plus shopping and touristy stuff to do."

"Dallas's airport is horrible," Tony told him.  "St. Louis usually has pretty decent weather.  That time of year they'll have a bit of snow but nothing too horrible most years."

"I know someone who used to help set up a comic con if that'd help," Fargo offered.

"That might be the same sort of planning list," Daniel agreed.  "We will have to have somewhere that can do secured rooms," he told House.  "The docs will appreciate that too probably."

"Is there a list?" House asked.

"Probably somewhere.  I can call around to find the people who did the last security seminar."  House nodded, relaxing at that.  "Then we'll see."  He smiled.  "If we can handle Xander busting thousands of pieces of weaponry, we can hand le a small seminar."

"Maybe," House added.

"We should be able to.  We have plenty of planning support."  That got a grimace but a nod.  "Just be ready to go over what you've found.  Abby, I might want you to run a section on what you've found forensically."  She nodded at that.  "So we'll do it that way.  Then we'll see what happens."

"Fine.  If we must."

"The president made it a very strong suggestion," Daniel told him.

"I hate bending to the whim of others.  I always feel like I should be holding up a condom and telling them to use it."

Daniel smirked.  "Not with him.  Some of the others, that's a good idea."

"I'll bring a few with me," Xander said dryly.  Daniel shot a glare at him. "Just in case she is that evil, boss."  He grinned sweetly and innocently.

"Uh-huh.  Don't pick up your next evil woman, Xander.  Unless you're going to turn her over to Spenser."

"If she's that evil I will."  He got seconds.  "I'll need it."

"How many suits do you have?" Horatio asked.  Xander shrugged.  "No idea?"  Xander shook his head.  "We might have to make you shop then."

"Oooh, I could use a good bout of shopping," Tony said, considering it.

"Take Xander suit shopping," Horatio ordered.  "Get him at least three in case it runs long."

"I can do that tomorrow if the mean boss will let me."

"Go," Daniel agreed patiently.  He grinned at Tony.  "Don't forget that you said you have no more room for movies."

"I can buy a new shelving unit.  I need a new shelving unit."  Daniel smiled, shaking his head.  "We all have our hobbies.  Xander's is getting into trouble and bad girls.  Mine's cute girls and movies."

"What happens if you run into a cute, bad girl?" Don Flack teased.

"Then I'll let Xander tell me if she's too evil.  If she likes him more than me, we'll alert the local cops to her."

Xander shook his head. "I'm not that bad."

"Bull," a few people said.

Danny Messer looked over.  "Don't make us start counting exes, Xander."

"Fine.  I'll let Tony drag me to the suit shop.  Hopefully this time we won't have any problems at the mall."

"If we do, you'll keep Dean up that night to cure it," Daniel said dryly.

"That's mean to me," Dean complained.

"We'll see," Tony quipped back.  "Finish up so we can plan where we're going, Xander."

"Yes, Great Shopping Buddy Tony," he said dryly.

Tony beamed.  "I can like that title with you."

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Temper, Temper.

Xander looked at the set up they had put into the meeting area, then at the cameras they had in there.  "I was told it wasn't going to be televised."

"Those are off," the guard assured him.

Xander nodded.  "Which one is mine?"

"The name placard, sir."  Xander went to look at it then sat down.  "Need anything before we begin?"

"Vomit bag?"

"Can't do that but I'll make sure there's a trashcan near by.  Oh, and if you need it the floor is washable," he said with a smirk.

"That's handy to know.  Water?"  Some was gotten for him.  The members of the panel walked in.  "Thank you," he told the guard, letting him go back to his post.  Someone started the camera.  "Um, no.  I was told this was not going to be televised.  I'm not having this talk with cameras on."

"That's not in your control," one told him.

"I can disable them," he offered.  "Easily."  They glared.  He stared back.  "I'm not going on national tv.  I don't speak to the press and I'll be damned if I'm going to do that here.  You wanted me here and I'm here but I'm not going on C-SPAN for anything."

"It's only taping for later reference."

"There's going to be classified materials from cases," Xander pointed out.  "Any case that has not been heard by a judge or is ongoing is considered to be classified materials.  That is in both ours and the FBI handbook, sir.  Which means I can't be my frank, honest self and you'll get frustrated since I heard you wanted to ask about the busts and that's an ongoing case."  They were turned off.  "Thank you.  I have no idea why you wanted to talk to me since you're not over DCIS."

"Agent Harris, we are very concerned about your conduct," the woman in charge said.

Xander stared at her.  "Why would you be, Senator Chores?  None of my caseload has impacted your area of the world except for making it keep going."

"Excuse me?"

"According to the underground's last census, there's no demons in your area of the state.  Why would you be interested in DCIS?"

"Said who?" she demanded.  "I know there are.  I've seen funny looking people."

"Ma'am, we have a person on base that's slightly green from gold poisoning.  Funny colored isn't a clear indication of being partially or fully demonic.  Most of them can pass very well for humans or the humans never see them.  As for who told me that, they did their own census to see where healers and things needed to be redistributed last year.  The whole state of Wyoming only has sixteen demon families and they're all in one area.  Which is outside of your campaign area by who appointed you."

"How do you know this?" another one asked.

"I looked up where she was voted from online."

"That's not that hard to find," he agreed.  "This census?"

"Was done by the healers and other support mechanisms.  It's very accurate.  It also has less stupid questions to answer.  It's done in a month and then it's not needed for another five years."

"You have access to them?" the chairwoman asked.

"I asked one of the healers I know to let me see it.  It's not like it's classified."

"We are here to talk about your conduct while on cases.  We are the newly formed investigative panel, young man."

"Ma'am, with all due respect, if Congress had named a new board, everyone would have heard about it.  There's no official board.  You want to be nosy and ask me questions.  You could have come to the base so I didn't have to take time off.  That way you could have toured the prison as well to make sure it was up to your standards."

"I don't like what you're insinuating," one of them said.  Xander shrugged.  "You don't care?"

"Sir, your happiness isn't my concern.  I'm not your wife."  The senator blushed as he spluttered.  He looked at the chairwoman again.  "It's not like we're not really close to where you are, Senator.  You could have flown over.  Driven over.  Hell, you could video conference if you wanted."

"I still do not like your attitude.  We are worthy of respect."

"As am I and this has proven that you have little respect for those who do the jobs you don't want to."  He stared her down until she looked away.  "Ask away.  I have open cases on my desk."

"If we do not let you go, you may not have a job."

"That's not your decision," Xander pointed out.  "That's Doctor Jackson's decision.  Since he cleared me of any misconduct related to the base assault, as did the Internal Affairs board, then we should not be having to have this talk.  You wanted this talk and I'm here.  I'm being as polite as I can be.  I don't kiss ass unless I'm dating it.  I don't play politics and I think that's what's fundamentally wrong with the system as it stands.  I don't suck up to higher ups to get things done.  Now, are we done with the stomping for attention?"

"We have called you here to about your misconduct with the assault that happened," Chores said.

Xander shook his head.  "No one said there was any misconduct, even when you had them look into it, Senator."

She glared.  "I said there was."

"Senator, with all due respect, have you ever been in even a fist fight?"  She glared harder.  He gave her a pointed look.  "I did what I had to do so my base and the prison we guard was protected.  As they had weapons showing when they invaded the base, that was their call to bring it to the level of kill or be killed.  I did try to talk them down but they did not want to do so."

"Weapon?" one of the senators asked.  "The tape I saw showed something round.  No weapon I know of is."

Xander looked at the guard.  "May I?"

"I really wish you wouldn't, Agent Harris."

Xander grinned.  "I won't hit anything important."  He pulled one out to hold it up.  "This is the weapon they were holding.  This is the only one we've twisted so it can work for humans as well as those people with claws and other DNA structures."  He fired it at the chair next to him, letting them see the energy whip that came out to burn it.  "That is what happens when it hits flesh.  Human or demon.  I've seen them used on other cases and in one of the training videos I did during a case for future agents they had demons using them on the victims."  He tossed it to the senator, who caught it with the papers in front of him. "The red button fires it but only if your body temperature is between ninety-five and ninety-nine degrees.  It has to be depressed completely to fire and held for at least a second before it will start firing as a safety precaution."

They looked it over.  "This weapon is standard issue among them?" that one asked.

"It's not uncommon but it's not real common either.  It's one of many they can use, including human style weapons that have been fixed for however their hands can manipulate."

The ball was passed on.  "You saw these in their hands?" Chores demanded with a sneer.

Xander nodded.  "Yes, ma'am, I did.  I counted at least ten of them in the front ranks of the demons invading the base."

"You say invaded," she said.

"Not like we invited them to show up so they could storm us to take back one of their own kind, Senator."

"What had he been convicted of?"

Xander looked at the folder in front of him.  "Trafficking in a human bio-weapon, a major strain of the flu it looks like, for which he got ten years a month and a half before then."  He looked up.  "The samples were handed to the CDC for testing and destruction.  Since he was only carrying it without intent to sell, distribute, or use he was giving a more minor sentence."

"What did the person who told him to courier it get?" she demanded.

He looked that up.  "They were found and sentenced in the last series of raids.  They took a deal for ninety years."  He looked up.  "They had more than that and he never talked so we couldn't fully trace it back.  We had our eye on another six clans that could have been making it.  He comes from one of them."

"Different species?" the senator who caught the weapon asked.

"Four of the same but split apart due to what boiled down to ideological differences.  Two other, different species beyond that.  One was recently decimated during the first series of raids, they were the major push behind the pipeline.  The other was mostly wiped out during a recent uprising in Chicago for power purposes.  The local office handled that issue and let us know since they heard we had surveillance on them."

"The other four?"

"Mostly grumbling but a few of the more wild members may act out.  Grumbling isn't against the law.  Plenty of people do it when you guys give yourselves raises every session.  If it were illegal, we'd all be in jail."  He closed the folder again.  "The members we suspect might be tempted to act out given enough stimulus are under watch and we keep tabs on them through the underground's channels.  With my ties back to the dealer clans, who basically operate demon style pawn shops, they'd hear and tell me almost immediately.  It's bad for business."

Chores stared him down.  "You were trained to kill them, Harris."

"No, I was trained to kill those who were attacking people," he corrected.  "Not to kill every demon.  I've never had any intention of killing every demon.  Almost every vampire because as a species they do attack humans almost all the time.  Most demons are peaceful and just want to be left alone, Senator.  Why would I harm that and make them defend themselves against me?  That's a sure way to die."

"You were trained by the military...." she stared.

He held up a hand.  "Whoa.  I was not trained by the military.  The team I was originally on took down a military unit that was using demons to experiment on.  We ended them with prejudice and it has stayed closed.  When we found out that they had other victims who had been moved, my agency moved in to stop them immediately without my having to do more than moan in the infirmary since I was that day.  My director agrees with me on this.  We are the chainlink fence between the bad demons, who try to attack humans, and everyone else, demon and human."

"Most of them are like that," she sneered.

"Only five percent of the species are detrimental to humans," he corrected coolly.  "Another fifteen percent of the individuals are harmful due to things in their lives, they think it'll help them, and the usual reasons criminals form.  If you add those numbers together, that's basically just about eighteen percent by population outside of vampires.  Who have a fluid population and move around the world all the time.  With vampires added in that brings it up near the twenty-two percent mark of the total demonic population.  Considering about that much of the human population is in jail at any given point in time I don't see much of a difference.  Gang thugs are gang thugs if they're human or if they're purple with fins."

Chores snarled.  "How dare you," she said.  "You know nothing about them."

Xander stared.  "Senator, I know a lot more than you think.  It's not like we didn't learn these things while we protected Sunnydale.  We did do a lot of research then to figure out what was going on and who was doing it.  The same as the slayers do not kill every demon, and work with the peaceful ones, because that's how the senior slayers and staff do it.  We moved them away from the sort that killed them all."

"You still know nothing about demons."

"I know a lot more than you do.  Not like I haven't interacted, lived with, worked with them.  Not like the hellmouth didn't have the largest percentage of demons living there to hide in the excess energy.  Not like we didn't see them in classes, the stores, on jobs, those things, right?"

"You still have no idea of what you speak."

"I can call clan leaders to back me up if you want," he shot back.  "Because you clearly have no fucking clue what you're going on about, lady.  Perhaps your species is a bit violent but none of them have attacked humans in over three years.  We made a peace treaty with them.  Showed them that the Initiative had been ended by my original team.  That they weren't coming back.  They agreed to stop their attacks."

"I'm not demonic," she said hotly.

"Are you sure?  You look like you have some scales around your collar."

"That's flaking from dry skin."

"If you say so," he said, looking relaxed.  "If so, then I'm sorry I mistook it."  He stared her down.  "I know very well of what I speak, Senator.  I've lived and worked beside demons for years."

"Demons fear you and your agency coming down on them like Nazi's," she shouted.

"Not true," he said calmly.  "If they did, we wouldn't have a whole commune of them that had been forced out of their original towns after the invasion move to the town near us.  Since that year we've had over ten thousand demons move into the county.  A good six hundred moved into the town.  They bought land, they pay taxes, their kids go to school with everyone else's.  They're very good neighbors."

"No one minds this?" one of the quiet senators asked.

"No, sir.  There was some debate at first.  Some people who had seen the invasion and were uneasy about it.  Then the demons bought their lands at slightly higher than market value.  Their kids were exemplary students in the school.  They cause no problems in town.  They've brought in a lot of funds and a few speciality stores.  Our local sheriff says they cause less trouble than some of the teenagers in town give him.  The only ones he has problems with are a few who're now alcoholics because of how their last towns forced them out for being funny looking."  He shrugged. "Half of those are demons who need the alcohol for digestion purposes.  The others mostly drink at home.  Now and then he has a DUI from one and he calls Horatio to come snap at them for him."

"How did they make this commune?"

"The nearest section to us has both above and below ground housing.  It looks like a subdivision.  They built to local codes and a few beyond because their type needed that extra wall strength.  The ones who live underground created their own burrows but kept in mind where the other houses were so nothing would cave in.  It's like many other rural demon communities.  City ones can be a bit more spread out along a block or so.  A few families move in and then their offspring slowly take over the block as they breed.  They have their own schools and those things in most urban areas.  In rural ones it's more mixed.  They don't sort themselves out by types because there's not as many of them.  They can build bigger houses to hold the whole family instead of having a two room apartment for too much money and having to spread out that way.  Usually there's a healer somewhere near most rural ones but it may be a human who has some healing skills and works with both humans and demons.  Those that can appear human go to human schools and the rest are home schooled."

"Basically like a cultural enclave?" he asked.

Xander nodded.  "Basically, yes, sir.  Especially in cities.  New York's the original colony in the US and they're still laid out about like country specific and religion specific groups are up there.  They have Chinatown and a group that come from New Delhi.  They also have groups that are demonic and spread about the same way.  They have the same sort of support systems as well.  Mentoring for the younger ones.  Enclave rules, which are usually stricter than human laws.  Usually there's some sort of mature figure who looks over the group.  A clan patriarch or matriarch.  In rural areas, there's more a council set up since there's the mixture of species."

"Interesting.  We had heard you were punishing demons in New York?"

Xander shook his head.  "No, sir.  That's not fully true.  The demons in question called on me to hear the problem as a hunter and as someone who has a lot of respect among the demon communities.  Which I've earned by not being a kill them all sort.  What had happened was one of the younger ones had been molested by her father.  That had somehow gotten back to SVU up there.  I, with the detectives and the clan's matriarch, heard his defense of his acts and her account of what happened.  The clan matriarch wanted me to carry out their sentence, which was a death sentence for hurting his own child.

"The SVU detectives talked to their boss, who talked to the local demon handling office, whatever it's called, and they agreed the demons could carry out theirs so they didn't have to ship him back to our prison.  They've since updated one of theirs to handle demons.  As was wished for, I took care of it since the clan matriarch probably couldn't behead him herself.  I made it a quick, painless death after making sure of the proper problems that might crop up.  Things like his will and who would watch the child.  She assured me they had that.  The clan patriarch was gotten and he agreed to the sentence and method of death.  He asked me to carry it out so I did.  Then I went to hunt the vampires who were hurting them and humans on the block afterward with a newly called slayer."

Chores glared.  "You make taking a life sound so simple."

"Ma'am, he was going to die.  They asked me to do it.  Personally I think every child molester should be put to death."  She flinched at that.  "Just so they can't make their kids hurt and then they end up repeating it."

"Were yours?" she demanded.

"No, mine were drunks."  He smirked.  "I did a lot of my own raising, but I did a pretty damn good job over all."

"You're vulgar, rude, and homicidal.  I wouldn't say that."

"Ma'am, I have no desire to kill anything unless it's attacking me or someone who can't defend themselves.  That's no more homicidal than any other agent or military person.  As for rude, I'm more honest.  I'm brutally, impolitely honest because I have no idea what you're trying to prove by calling this.  If this is your next big campaign soapbox it's a wasted effort since no demons live in your district.  If you're hoping to jump higher up the food chain with it, it probably won't work.  They do vote in most areas."  She went pale.  "As for vulgar, only if I think you deserve it.  I respect those who deserve it.  Those who have earned it.  As of this point, this pointless exercise in taking me away from my desk is just pissing me off.  I'm sure your delicate ears have heard worse than the word damn."

The quiet senator coughed.  "We're trying to get to the bottom of why you felt it was necessary to kill that first spokesman, young man."

"Because he challenged me to do it.  If I hadn't, I would have lost all respect from everyone.  Also because he had a weapon and was shifting it to use on us.  I'm not going to risk my director, my fellow agents, or any slayer on a being that clearly wanted his ass kicked because he led an invasion force onto our base.  It wasn't the first one.  It won't be the last one.  All the others so far we basically piled out and fired on them for trying to kill us or overrun us and release the prison.  The investigative panel she sicced on the incident said that most military leaders would do the same thing in my place.  Try to talk to them and then fire when it got to a point where it was fight or die.  Then I kindly called for a second spokesman to try to talk them out of it.  She wanted the fight more because it was her husband."

"Did you know anything about them at the time?" the one who had liked the weapon asked.

"That case had been from Tony DiNozzo's team, not mine.  I knew of them.  I knew very little about their species because usually they stay out of humanity's way.  They're reclusive and almost nothing was known about them."

"The bodies were tossed out like trash I'm sure," Chores sneered.

"No, myself and two others spent half the night burying them by what we found was proper according to their people.  They were honorable enough in the fight to earn a warrior's respect and secondly it would keep the others of their species from being insulted.  We put it near the back gate so if they wanted to sneak in and steal the bodies to bury among their own they could.  They haven't as of when I left.  A note was sent back with one of the younger warriors who had backed off when he heard who I was.  He hadn't attacked so therefore he wasn't going to be charged.  That note stated all of what happened, where they were buried, how they were buried, and if they wanted to send a peaceful envoy to talk to us we'd welcome it.  We haven't heard anything about it yet.  We know they got the note but nothing's happened."

"Many species consider your base a dangerous area," Chores noted.

"Not that many.  We have peace treaties with all the major warrior clans so if we have to chase one of them down for doing something we won't be attacked.  The peaceful ones report crimes to us when they happen because they know we're not going to make fun of them for being weaker.  We've handled things from murders to custody disputes when one parent snatched their child from the one that had custody.  I was in the infirmary with smoke inhalation that day but Stella did that case.  The demonic judges in LA gave her a warrant to enter the premises once they showed her proof of the kidnaping.  They presented the child to the judge, who handed her back to her father."

"Your team is known for destroying things."

"Ma'am, I'm one of the few people on base who can handle it if a situation goes bad.  One of my first cases was the ascension in Seattle, where I had to find black market artillery to blow the thing up before it ate the city's residents.  Yes, they send me on the harder cases because I'm known to be able to get into and out of the damndest places without a lot of harm to myself or those with me.  That combined with my hunting skills and knowledge meant I was the one DCIS sent on the worst things in the early days.  Tony could handle it but he was second-in-command so he had to handle the agency instead.  I've also got a lot of weapons knowledge so I was sent on weapons cases that involved demons.  I've made some very big dents in the weapons pipelines over the last few years."

"How did you get black market weapons?" one senator asked.  "Was it easy?"

"In Sunnydale we had no official sanction.  DCIS was only started after that one president was assassinated.  At that time, it was a small office in Homeland Security.  We had no one who'd give us weapons.  I had to find what we needed when we needed it.  I grew some contacts.  At that case's time, I called one in LA, who sent me to a contact she had in Seattle.  I barely got it in time and had to unjam it because it didn't fully work when I opened it."

"How did you gain so much weapons knowledge?" one asked.

"Partially from having to learn it.  Partially from a possession I had at one point in time.  I was possessed by an Army PFC."

"I see.  That's interesting."

"It was.  It was also helpful considering I wasn't the only one who was turned into his Halloween costume by a chaos sorcerer.  Our slayer was wearing a seventeenth century getup.  She fainted a lot that night."

"I can imagine the chaos that caused," he said, shuddering some.

"We figured he got high off it too," he agreed.  "A follower of Janus did it.  We've dealt with him a few times in Sunnydale and freed him from the Initiative when we found out they had moved some captives to other places.  We treated him, let him go, and he promised not to work on the base.  He has stopped a more minor person who wanted his rep.  Saved us some energy last year."

"I remember that night.  I spoke to my grandfather for some reason."

"The kid in Delaware's big move to become a huge name in chaos."

"Charming of him.  Is he in jail?"

"Four years and his magic is fully bound so he can't do it again."

He smirked.  "That's fitting."

"We do have a section of the prison for magically active peoples who cause problems."

"We heard a member of your council was there," Chores sneered.

Xander glanced at his arm then at her.   "A few years back, Willow went dark magic addicted when her girlfriend was killed in front of her.  We got her help after we got her backed down from trying to end the world."  She flinched at that.  "The help she got was enough for a while but it is an addiction.  She's went back and forth on it.  She's caused a lot of harm.  Including the FBI putting her on probation for hacking my base's utilities to get us shut down.  This last time, she called a higher demon to Cleveland, the current hellmouth, to handle something while she had the slayers under a compulsion.  She was arrested for that and has had a hearing with the judge.  He's about to decide her sentence soon.  We do try them based on the human legal system, with some tweaks so it works for demonic crimes and so it's actually fitting.  Not like the human system has a category for those who ate their enemy for no reason other than he stole his girlfriend."

"A recent case?" the weapon liking senator asked.

"About six months ago.  One of Danny and Don's cases.  They do a lot of diplomatic work among the clans.  They negotiate when things start to go wrong.  They keep clans from going to civil war status.  They make sure that clans who've had someone going bad don't have the rest of the clan wanting to follow a bad example."

"Your group really does provide a barrier between the two worlds."

"We pride ourselves on being the chainlink fence between humanity and demon kind.  There's some interaction but we do keep the bad ones from acting in the wrong manner. We're very proud that we handle the case no matter which side starts it and no matter which side it's against.  We've handled plenty of demon-on-demon crimes as well as human-on-demon and demon on human crimes."

"Why was your base put all the way out there?" Chores asked.

"The president who authorized our creation said so.  I'm guessing since we'd have to work from one office but on both coasts, plus house the jail, he wanted us somewhere out of the way of problems, but somewhere we could be safe and keep the prison secure.  The base does that and it refurbished one that was shut down.  It's got room for us to grow.  It's got everything we need.  The local town was in a slump once the base was closed so we have a lot of support from them.  We're far enough away if another major incident happens to not be drawn in, but we're close enough to handle it if it does happen and we need to get there to stop it.  Like the invasion or Georgia.  It also gives us the chance to stay out of the political dance that you see around here, which all of us on base loath.  None of us are politicians and most of us would rather shoot ourselves than be one.  If we're forced to take command of a situation we can, but we don't have to usually.  Us showing us has led to a  lot of things being less than they wanted them to be.  Me showing up has stopped some crimes-in-planning cold because they know of my past and my rep."

"Your reputation, from what I have heard, was that you would kill any demon, Mr. Harris."

"No, my rep is that I'd kill any demon who attacked a slayer that she didn't get or that I would attack any demon that I found attacking something or someone that could not protect itself.  I do not kill indiscriminately.  I have never killed indiscriminately.  Nor will I ever do so.  There is no proof that I ever have since I never have."

"There's whole realms that I'm told are bare because of you."

He glanced at his arm then leaned forward again as the memories were given back to him.  His head was now throbbing as the memories were unblocked.  "Ma'am, with all due respect, shove it up your ass.  I didn't bring those realms into being.  Willow Rosenburg was making wishes to pull out of hunting and to go back to the innocent girl she had started out as by taking me out of hunting since we were supposedly best friends.  The parameters of the wishes she cast, through a wish demon she had in compulsion, created those.

"I was instrumental in keeping some things from happening.  I did not cause any of them to be without people.  I suffered through walking them because she made me.  I nearly died because of her and I don't really need to be reminded of that shit.  So blow it out your ass, lady, because that wasn't my fault and if you accuse me of shit that isn't my fault again, I'm going to find everything I can on you and expose it."

He stood up.  "Like the fact that you are part demon.  One-eighth to be exact."  He put down the statement.  "From your family's patriarch.  Your mother was expelled for doing something horrible to them.  I don't know what, they don't speak of it."  He handed it to the senator who had asked reasonable, polite questions.  "You're on a witch hunt and I'm not the witch you're looking for.  You want to go after hunters, we protect them too.  Now if you'll excuse me I need to go repress those memories again because I don't need to see the world where there weren't enough slayers at the invasion so we lost," he sneered, making her burst out crying and flee the room.

"Calm down please," the weapons liking senator ordered.  "May I see that?"  It was handed over.  "I realize that was painful for you to go back over."

"There's a reason most of those memories were taken from me," he said bluntly.  "I don't need to go through that again.  If you want to ask me about my skills, what happened that night, any of it, so be it even though I think it's pointless and wasting money to do so.  That's Congress' right, to waste money."  They both flinched.  "I was cleared by my director.  I was cleared by the investigative panel.  I'm not going to sit here and be sneered and forced to go over things that nearly killed people, including me, for her sick, demented, perverted pleasure.  She wants to fuck me so badly because she's that evil, there's better ways to approach me."

"Excuse me?" the other one asked.

He smirked.  "I only draw evil women, Senator.  My last true girlfriend was a vengeance demon."  He shuddered at that, shifting some.  "Exactly.  I draw a lot of evil wenches of the universe.  If she wants to be one, so be it.  There's cheaper ways of coming at me than that.  And it was clear she was.  So no, if you want to talk about that night, so be it.  If you want to talk about other cases, so be it.  Not that I think it has a point.  If you really wanted to know what we do, show up and tour the base.  Now, if I'm excused, I need to go calm down somewhere she's not.  Since I can hear her coming with guards."  He turned to look at them.  "Yes?"

"He threatened me," she snapped, pointing at Xander.

"No, I did not.  I stated if you were that intent on screwing my life up, I'd reciprocate and put out what I knew about you.  It wasn't that hard to have your patriarch sign a statement saying you're an evil bitch who's an eighth demon."  The guards moved away from her.  "Guys, most demons are perfectly nice."

"We had a school group in earlier that was.  A bit messy but nice," one agreed.  "You're...."

"Agent Harris."

"Oh.  And she's wanting you because she's one of the bad demons?"

"Possibly.  That's the only reason I can see this going on.  Personally, if they want to know about DCIS, they can show up and tour the base.  Any senator, other director, any higher authority can do so.  They might not like our apartments because half of us don't compulsively clean, but we have to live in them."

"I can see that.  Did you have a weapon, sir?"

"They wanted to know about the weapon that the last base assault featured.  I brought in one that was modified so humans could use it.  I used it on the chair," he said with a point.  "Which I will gladly pay to replace.  I made no threat against her until she started to screech about shit I didn't do.  Shit I'm not going to be blamed for since I was a victim of it.  As in I'll be damned."

"I understand.  Please calm down?" the guard begged.

Xander stared.  "I'm not that scary, kid.  I'd never hurt you unless you tried to pull me off her when she attacks me."

"Thank you, Agent Harris.  Is this session closed?"

"Yes, we have more than enough information.  Agent Harris, I'm sorry she brought up those very bad memories."

"You haven't lived until you've seen three worlds who've died because you weren't in the right place and left one right before a mass nuclear weapon went off because a friend went off the deep end in another," he said dryly.  They all shuddered.  "Yet she tried to blame me for that," he told the guards.  He stared at her.  "Your pathetic attempt to gain attention is over with.  You're not using me.  I could care less about your agenda, your political platform, or anything else.  Not like any demons live anywhere near you.  Even the other exiles."  She screeched and went for him with her nails out.  He ducked and moved out of the way.  "Guys, am I going to be in trouble if I hit her?"

"Probably," they said, pulling her away from him.  "Why don't you hit your hotel for the night, sir."

"Gladly."  Xander got the folder and left, walking around her.

"I'll see you and all the other hunters put to death!" she shrieked.

He waved back without looking.  "You can try," he quipped.  "I doubt you'll make it."  He walked outside, finding Fargo waiting on him.  "It's time for me to give Daniel one of my patented confession reports.  Because she asked me about shit that I had blocked off and tried to blame me for it."  They walked off together while he called.  "I was doing good until she mentioned those wish verses, Danny.  Then I lost it and swore at her.  She tried to have me arrested for threatening her when I didn't.  She tried to come at me with her claws in front of the guards.

"She's against hunters in general and I did let slip that she is an eighth demon.  I'm sorry if I'm fired, but I'm not going to be blamed for those worlds dying."  He hung up and handed the phone to Fargo.  "Here, you can calm him down now.  I need to find a fight."  He walked off undoing his top two shirt buttons on his way to the demon part of the city.  He walked into a rough looking demon bar, waving off the hushed voices when he walked in.  "I need a fight.  The bitchy senator just told me I was the reason Rosenburg went wishverse that time.  Any good fight-to-the-death things going on in town?"

"Baltimore.  One train stop up," he offered, handing over a pamphlet.  "No weapons allowed."

"Even better.  Thanks."  He walked out, taking a cab to the train station.  It wasn't that hard to get to Baltimore from DC.  Only took forty minutes too.  He got off the train and went to the cab stands, getting in one and handing over the pamphlet.  "Take me there please."

"It's no weapons."

"I just had to deal with a senator who said I kill all demons I run into, I'm the reason Rosenburg went wishverse, and I'm the evil in the universe that crapped in her cheerios.  I just need to get it out of me before I explode."

"I can understand that."  He drove him off, taking him to the arena.  He walked him up to the door.  "He has no weapons on him."

The guard looked him over.  "Hunters aren't allowed."

Xander stared at him.  "I don't want to hurt anyone.  I just want to beat the shit out of something before I go off on that senator."

"We heard."

"Which is why I'm here.  No weapons.  I'm not that great a fighter without them.  Just to fight?  I'm not here to hunt, to slay, anything."

"There's a human version in town."

"I'm not trained to fight humans.  I'm trained to fight vamps.  I'll fight vamps without a stake.  Really.  Because I might kill one of the humans."

He considered it then went in to talk to the boss.  They had some vampire contestants that were annoying people.  He let Xander in and took his jacket and shirt, leaving him in an undershirt and pants, plus his dress shoes.  Xander walked into the ring, snarling at the vamps.  Three on one, all right.  He could do this.

***

Daniel hung up and called his contact.  "Sir, what happened?  Xander just confessed to nearly blowing her up."  He listened, wincing a few times.  "You got the transcripts already?"  He nodded.  "No, he was right to do that.  He had no memories of that incident.  He had it removed for the good of everybody, sir.  I don't know how they came out or if some were gifted back but I'm guessing Xander's somewhere he can beat the shit out of something.  Tony, find Xander," he called.  "DC was your haunts."

He listened.  "No, sir, I fully expected him to last less time.  He was fully polite and bluntly honest before then?"  He nodded at the reading of her questions and his answers.  "So she blamed him for that and he lost it.  Which is what he said.  He also said she's against hunters?"  He nodded at the statement of her screeching.  "Good to know, sir.  Is he or she going to be arrested?  No, I don't think he did.  I know Xander doesn't attack first.  She clearly upset him greatly, sir."  He leaned back when Tony walked in.  "Good news or bad?"

"Xander went to a demon fight club.  He gained admission and was given to three vamps to fight.  Without weapons.  They're a weaponless kumate style system."  Daniel nodded once.  "So far Xander's managed to get one of the vamps down and nearly dead, one limping, and he's limping a bit himself but he's still very pissed.  They think that all those memories broke through.  Leo appeared to tell me this because he said he can't get in there and he can't get around Xander's anger at the moment.  Xander's about pissed enough to summon wish demons without intending to.  Fargo's still back in DC.  He's at the hotel having cocoa, waiting on Xander to show back up."

Daniel grimaced.  "That's not good."

"No, it's not.  I doubt three vamps are going to be enough to work that rage out of him considering the last time he nearly blew Rosenburg up."

"Good point.  Can you get someone to go rescue him?"

"Nope.  We have no one there who can.  I wouldn't want to ask Spenser to, even though his team's in Alabama this week.  I wouldn't even let Gibbs in there, Danny."

"Can we send someone?"

"Dawn's still sick."

"Even worse.  Any chance he won't come out?"

"I don't think there's enough there who'll fight him if he gets all three.  I think if he does he's still going to be pissed."

"John's still in Cleveland, right?"  Tony nodded.  "Send him."

"That's a good few hour drive, boss."

"Have him fly."

"Winchesters hate planes.  Dean said so."

"John can fly.  It'll only take a bit."

"Fine.  I'll talk him into it.  Then Leo said he can reblock those memories.  What're we doing about the demonic senator who was exiled thanks to her mother doing something evil?"

"She's against hunters.  We'll have to watch out for her."

"Sure, I get that."  He walked off, going to call John.  "It's Tony."  He smiled.  "No, small problem.  How do you feel about flying to Baltimore to make Xander quit being so pissed so we can lock those wishverse memories away again?"  He smirked.  "At a demon fight club.  Vamps actually.  No weapons.  From what Leo said he's gotten one bare handed.  Yeah, he's very pissed.  Please?  We'll pay for it.  Thanks, John.  Give me a few to arrange it.  Oh, you do?"  He smirked.  "That's fine.  We'll pay you guys back if Daniel agrees to it.  Thanks, John."  He hung up.  "He's got the slayer's credit card so he'll fly out on it," he called into the office.

Daniel came out.  "She's being sanctioned.  The other two are pushing that.  Xander was calm enough, like usual, until she brought that up."  Leo nodded.  "I'm not going to ground him but I think some counseling might help."  Leo shook his head.  "No?"

"If he remembers it, he'll stay in that rage.  We need him out of it so we can lock it away again."

"We think counseling might help him be calmer overall."

"She threatened him," Leo pointed out.  "She came after him.  The only thing keeping her from being hunted is the fact that she's a senator."  Daniel moaned.  "What did your higher ups say?"

"To let him wear it out.  They're going to forget today happened."

"That's not a bad idea."  He smirked.  "I'll see if we can all do that."  He disappeared.  That would reestablish the memory blocks without having to physically get near Xander when he was this pissed.  The Council of Elders agreed.  It'd go off once Xander was out of the club.  It could make him attack them if he didn't realize why he was there.

***

John Winchester walked up to the demon arena, clearing his throat to get attention.  "Is he done yet?"

"Nope.  We sent in another four vamps a few minutes ago, Winchester."

"Can I have him anyway?"  Inside people started to cheer.  "Him or them?"

He looked inside.  "Them."  He let him see.  "You can try.  He's calmer.  A bit calmer."

"She's after hunters because she's part demon," he told him.  That got a grimace.  "Chores from Wyoming."

"None of them live near her from what I heard."

"Nope.  She hates hunters."

"No wonder she picked at him until he lost it.  You can try."  He signaled the boss.  They knew someone was going to come get the boy.

John walked down there.  "Let me in."  They opened the doors.  Xander was finishing off the last vampire so he blindly attacked back at him.  "We taught you better than that."

Xander finished off the vampire, turning to stare at him.  "I'm not ready yet."

"You are."

"I'm not.  I'm going to keep going psycho on someone.  Probably the next person who touches me, John."  John moved closer so Xander stepped back.  "Maybe you're a figment."

"Fat chance.  C'mere."

"No.  I'll hurt you."

"No you can't and you won't."  He grabbed the boy and pulled him closer, looking at him.  "The rage is reasonable.  The wearing it out was good," he said quietly.  "But you left Fargo unguarded in a hostile area with a bitch after us all."  Xander slumped.  "It was good to get it out, Xander.  I'm not blaming you.  You called in so he could get someone to back him up if necessary.  It was good to wear it out.  But now it's done.  Push it back and if you have to, you can go rant at Spenser."  Xander swallowed but nodded.  "Daniel thinks it might be a good idea anyway.  He would've sent him but he's in Alabama with some sicko."

"A breast fetish serial killer," Xander said, then shook his head.

"How did you know that?"

"Got a flash when I walked in?" he asked hesitantly.

"Hmm.  That's new.  C'mon.  You done?"

Xander looked at the vamp then sighed.  "I shouldn't be."

"Then we'll handle it.  Maybe we'll be attacked."  He walked him out, listening to the cheers.  "See, you did good."  John took the jacket and shirt Xander had taken off when he had walked in.

Xander nodded.  "It taught me how important I was when she did it, but I can still remember everything now, John."  He was rubbing his arm again.

"Leo said he can fix that once you're not pissed, kid."

"You can't put back on a block that's been removed.  It won't be strong enough," Xander said quietly.  They walked outside and Xander was nearly blinded by the flash.  He looked up.  "Does this mean no one else knows I snapped?" he called quietly.

Leo appeared.  "You were supposed to be included."  He put a hand on his head and sighed.  "Damn it."

Xander grinned.  "Funky medium skills?" he guessed.  They had plagued the last block too.

"Yes."  He let him go.  "I can't block it, Xander."

"I figured you couldn't.  A weak block won't hold anything back."  He shrugged.  "What about her?"

"She'll get hers when it's time," Leo reminded him.  "It's not your job to judge."

"If she attacks?" John asked.

"Then he has the right of defense.  Him attacking would look bad though.  On the Council and on his agency."

"I know.  That's why I'm here," Xander said, waving a hand at the building.

"It wasn't the worst idea," Leo admitted. "You could meditate."

"No I can't."

"Fine.  Tell Dawn to call us when she's up and around?"

"She's been up but not around for the last day.  We think she drained the Key as well as herself," he said quietly.  "She's not able to make a portal or pop around."

"We'll pop up to get her then.  Let me do that so we can have dinner.  Be safer, Xander."

"I try."

"We know."

"Any idea how he knew what Spenser was doing?  He said he saw it in a flash," John said.

Leo gave him an odd look then looked at Xander.  "When?"

"About as I attacked the first one."

Leo put a hand back on his head, then nodded.  "Spenser's in trouble.  That's why you had it."

"Presently?"

"Future tense.  He sees at least a few hours in the future."

Xander found John's phone, which had all the same numbers his did.  He called Tony.  "It's me.  No, I'm still pissed but not that badly.  Call Spenser, tell him I had a flash of him in Alabama and Leo said that means he's in trouble soon.  Please?  No clue.  Had it as I attacked."  He looked at Leo.  "Tony wants to know if this means I'll have real visions."

"Probably not full ones.  That one could have leaked over from Sam."  He disappeared.

"Heard that?" he asked.  "No, John's here.  Thank you, Tony.  Let Daniel give me time to pack."  He hung up.  "Tony said Daniel's pacing in his office."

"We'll see in a few days.  Let's go protect Fargo.  That boy needs more self defense training before he trips into something too bad."

"The train's easy."

"We can do that.  How are we going to get there?"

"I cabbed."  He looked around then whistled as loud as he could.  A cab sped up to them.  He grinned.  "Like the Knight Bus, only for knights."  He got in, making John shake his head.  "We're going to the train station so we can go protect Fargo."

The cabby looked back at him.  "How did you know how to do that?"

"Don Flack told me to whistle for a cab," he said with a grin. "Please?"

"Fine."  He drove them off.  Having two hunters in his cab was good for his rep.  As long as they didn't kill him.  Since they even tipped him, it was a happy night at the demon cab company.

***

Tony hung up and looked at the boss.  "Xander is once again certain you're going to fire him, Danny," he said quietly.

"Only if he attacks her," he said.  He ran a hand through his hair.  "Where are they?"

"Heading to protect Fargo."  He checked his caller ID.  "He's on John's phone.  Fargo said he handed him his before he took off."  He looked up.  "Do we think she'll try something else?"

"No clue," he admitted. "As long as he's only defending, it'll be okay."  He sat down.  "Where is Spenser?"

"Alabama.  Xander said to call him because he's going to have a problem."  He dialed that number.  "Spenser, Tony DiNozzo.  Xander had a spot vision.  You're in danger.  He said he had it as he attacked the vampire to wear out his anger on.  No, he went to a fighting club.  Yeah, like that.  They wouldn't let him have weapons.  He took on vamps.  We sent John to get him.  Yes, that John.  Going to protect Fargo in DC for the night.  Yes, that senator is against hunters because she's part demon.  She ...  What did she do?"

"Leo said he was removing it from most memories since Xander lost it about the wishverse stuff," Daniel told him.

Tony repeated that.  "So, he's really pissed.  I have no idea what sort of danger.  Xander saw it.  You'd have to ask him but he's on John's phone.  Just be careful, okay?"  He hung up.  "He'll be very careful and warn Hotch that Xander had a vision saying he was going to be in trouble."

"That'll hopefully be enough."  He stood up.  "I realize this certain attitude about screwing up meaning he's fired comes from low self esteem.  It's one thing I'd like to have cured with counseling."

"I think he talked to him once but the guy thought he was a bit too focused on violence to help," Tony said quietly.

"I'll ask him.  If not, maybe Spenser could help.  Who knows."  He left, going to talk to the base shrink.  "Hey, do you have a few?"

"Of course, Director.  What sort of problem are we having?"

"Xander's having a bout of low self esteem after being attacked by a senator earlier over things that weren't his fault."

"As much as I would like to see Harris get help, nothing will help with that.  His family started it, Rosenburg added to it when she and Buffy decided he was too normal to help anymore, and it got worse from there.  He'll have bouts but he won't open up to me.  I told him he needed to find a focus beyond all this."  He waved a hand around.  "He said it was better to use him for what skills he had than to try to grow some funky, his word, skills at this late of a date that wouldn't help anyone.  At least this way he could help someone."

"So you can't help him?"

"No.  The first thing I would suggest is that he quit hunting and find himself instead of doing this job."

"Which Xander's built his life around," he said.  That got a nod.  "Do you think someone more in tune with how Xander thinks could help?"

"I doubt there's anyone that thinks like Xander does."

"You'd be surprised."  He walked out happier with that answer.  For the basics of combat trauma and those things, the guy wasn't bad.  But he had never fought in more than a light combat situation and he couldn't understand a person who had fought all their lives.  He probably didn't understand the Winchesters beyond the vengeance that had driven the family for decades.  He sat down behind his desk to call Spenser himself.  "Are you still all right?"  He smiled.  "Good.  No, I was wondering.  Xander's having another bout of low self esteem.  She attacked him over that then he removed himself from DC before he lost his temper on someone innocent.  He went to a demon fight club place.  No weapons allowed.  He got handed to some vamps.

"No, we know he won.  John went to get him out when we heard.  He was in a full-blown rage.  Then he called up to tell Tony about that vision.  Tony told him I was pacing  and anxious.  He said to let him know how long he had to pack.  No, I don't want him gone.  I want this low self esteem gone."  He listened to the profiler.  He agreed that it was too ingrained to ever fully be removed but they were already doing the best thing.  John would understand what was wrong with Xander.  The only better mentor through this episode would be Dean because he got Xander in a way that John didn't.  He nodded.

"So what do we do when he comes back?  After the hearing he called in one of his confession reports.  He was so mad it wasn't funny, Spenser.  I've never heard Xander that mad.  Even after slayers got attacked."  Spenser told him to let him calm down, then to hold a good, fatherly instead of administrative talk when he got back.  "You're sure?"  He nodded that Xander did see him like an uncle.  "I can handle that I think.  You think Jack would be better?"  He smiled.  Spenser liked that idea.  "Thanks, Spenser.  I'd like him to work on some of these issues....  Oh, no, you're right, he won't tell anyone.  Xander doesn't share emotions.  So do we think it could help any?"  He nodded at the suggestion.  "If you can, I wouldn't mind.  Heading back to DC to guard Fargo.  No idea why he thinks he needs it.  Thank you and be safe, Spenser."  He hung up, making mental plans.

***

Down in Alabama Spenser hung up.  "Xander went psycho rage boy as he put it once when the senator tried to blame him for Willow's wishing stunt."  Hotch shuddered.  "It loosened the memories.  He went to find somewhere to wear out the rage without hurting anything but vampires.  Daniel wanted to know if I'd feel comfortable talking with him in a professional capacity since doing so caused a bit of a self esteem drop."

"Basement?"

"Below the water table and sinking into the center of the earth probably," he admitted grimly.  "John Winchester got him out of the fighting to relieve it.  They're going back to DC to guard Fargo."

"Why would anyone want Fargo?"

"He worked at GD his last posting," Spenser said with a smirk.  They had one psycho that had come out of their labs once.  Very unusual, creating little machines to kill people with.

"No wonder.  Sure.  We might be done here within a day or so."

"He's under orders to stay in case more people want to know things.  We need to watch out for Senator Chores.  She's apparently one-eighth demon and against all hunters and those who know about it.  He let that fact out after she accused him from the intel I got from the guards."

"Ooooh.  Yeah, he was pissed."

"She tried to attack him.  Physically attack him.  He sidestepped and noted it'd look bad if he hit her."

"Probably, yes.  Where did he find a demon club to fight at?"

"Baltimore according to another source."

"Interesting."

"No weapons and he fought at least three vampires bare handed.  And won."

"Yeah, he was in a psychotic rage."  He sighed, looking at the guy in the interrogation room.  "Him?"

Spenser shrugged.  "No.  He knows who though.  He's seen and liked it."  Leo appeared.  "Leo.  I know you're not here for him."

"No.  I wanted to know if you could talk to Dawn.  I don't know what happened when she was helping with the diphtheria thing but she's been brooding and won't tell Piper why.  She won't even come up for dinner."

"I can do that.  I have no idea about magic stuff but I can do that."

"Thanks, Spenser."  He patted him on the arm before leaving again.

The local officer with them pointed.  "What was that?"

"A white lighter.  They help powerful witches keep from crossing to the dark," Spenser said.  "He works with the witch at DCIS now and then."

"I figured those portals to get to Georgia had to take a lot of power."

"It does," Hotch agreed.  "She's only eighteen too."

"Next week."

"Really?"  Spenser nodded.  "Huh.  I thought she was older.  She seems older."

"Her sister's a slayer, her mother died when she was fourteen, and she's been a ward of Xander's for the last few years."

"That would make her grow up faster.  So she was there when DCIS was starting up."

"His right hand until he hired Dean."

"Good for her.  She'll make an excellent watcher."

Spenser smiled.  That gave him an idea on how to approach this unsub.  "Yes she will."  He walked into the room.  "So, do you enjoy watching  him do that nasty stuff he was doing?"  He sat down, watching the guy give him a horrified look but his eyes were dilated and you could tell by the way he was shifting he was getting hard.  He leaned on the table, leaning closer to him.  "You know, you can see it happen to him too," he shared.  "They'll do the same thing to him in prison and you should be able to watch it if you want."  The guy let out a moan.  "But we have to get him first.  He took another girl and you're not there to watch him."

"He doesn't know I watch."

"That's fine.  It means he's not as good as he thinks.  That he should be punished the same as he punishes others.  He's not good enough for you to learn from him."

"No, he's not."  He tapped the table.  "They'll do the same things?"

"Quite a lot of it.  They might not cut off a breast, but they'll probably cut him and do all the rest."

The man licked his lips.  "He likes to lick the blood off the back.  Said it tastes like mother's milk."

"I figure it does to him.  But you want to taste that, don't you?"  He nodded quickly, letting out a quiet whimper.  "Tell us so you can ask him."

"He's out at Old Man Jenkin's field.  He's got an old pole barn.  He's in there.  I watch from the hayloft.  The right side's caved in but the left's still good."

"I'll let them know that.  Give us a few hours, then you can ask him all you want."  He smiled.  "Thank you."

"Can we have a woman too?"

"Sorry, that I can't promise.  You might be able to pick up a guy though."

"That might be nice once we cut him to be a girl.  Plump up his breasts and things with muscle."  He went off his mental fantasy.

Spenser looked at the sick looking guarding officer.  "Give him a cell?"

"Gladly," he mouthed, taking him off to give him privacy.  Maybe one of the bigger psychos in prison would stop this one and that one.

Hotch walked out with Spenser, following the officers.  "It worked."

"It did and they will probably do all those things to him in prison.  If they're on the same cell block they'd probably let him watch it too."

"Probably," he agreed.  "That's disgusting."

"It's reality, Hotch.  They'd do it anyway for fun."

"Good point.  Still disgusting."  They got into their SUV and headed off for the farm.

***

Fargo had put Xander in his room with ice cream to sulk with.  He had said he needed some calming down time still so he wasn't insulted if he wanted to go brood.  Which Xander insisted he didn't, but Fargo was nice about it.  John had checked the room over for alternate entries and safety risks.  Fargo had no idea how you lived being so paranoid all the time about things coming to get you.  He probably wouldn't even after the door burst inward when a heavy foot kicked it.

Xander came out and found his service piece, taking off the safety as he pulled it up.  "Who're you?" he demanded, moving in front of Fargo.  "John?"

"Got him," he agreed, moving Fargo behind him.  "They're demons."

"Clearly but I can't attack outright," Xander pointed out.  "Why are you here and what do you want?" he asked.

"We want the nerd.  Someone wants his brain," one sneered.

Xander shrugged.  "Which nerd?  I'm one, he's one.  I created stuff that has seven patents pending."  They stared at him.  "I did.  I even made a working light saber."

"Xander," John hissed.

Xander shot a glare at him.  "Guard Fargo."  He looked at him.  "Which geek boy did you want, boys?"

"We'll take you.  If they want the other, we'll come get him and sell the other to someone who'd like him."  They grabbed Xander, making him leave his gun there before they took him off.

John called the base.  "Xander let himself be taken in Fargo's place," he said once it was answered by a voice.  "This is John Winchester.  I've got Fargo at the hotel.  We're changing rooms and possibly hotels.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "Get the stuff, let's go."

"I unpacked."

"Fargo," he growled.

Fargo grabbed what he could, John got Xander's stuff, and they headed out.  "Shouldn't we follow them?"

"They've probably taken him off realm," he admitted.  "Their sort aren't earth bound demons."  Fargo shuddered.  "He'll be fine.  If anyone would be, Xander will be."

"He took my place."

"He did."  He got them into a safer, lower class hotel.  "Why didn't you guys stay here originally?"

"I booked online.  It looked nice.  It was close to where we needed to be.  It was cheaper."

"I'll give you guys a list of good  hotels to stay at."  He found his phone and called back.  "Any word on Xander yet?"  He smirked.  "Why is Angel going after him?"  He nodded.  "That's fine.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "Angel heard and is trying to get him back already."

"Will he be able to?"

"I don't know.  If not, we can ask Bauer, Gibbs, DiNozzo, and others to go on a raid."

"Good point."  He sat down, staring at John.  "Why want me?  I'm an assistant, even with the fancy title."

"Apparently they wanted a major brain to help them make something, Fargo.  It's a compliment but you have to be more careful.  This isn't Eureka and you're not as safe here.  Especially not away from the base. There you're as safe as you were at home.  DC is not the base though.  There's plenty of people who want the agency to be closed.  Too many people got power by making promises and deals."

Fargo nodded.  "I can see why."  He looked at him.  "Now what?"

"Now, we wait."  He called the other hotel to make them pack up the rest of the room.  They had witnessed the kidnaping.  They'd handle it for him and ship it back to the base.

***

Xander woke up and looked around the lab.  "Hmm.  Abby's lab is prettier and more useful."  A demon walked in through a wall.  "So that's where the door is."

"It's sealed so a human can't get through it," he assured him.

"I'm not fully human."

"Yes you are."

"If you say so.  Why take a geek at this point in time?"

"We want you to make us something that will bring us back to our glorious past days so we may bask in the blood of our enemies again."

"You know you sound Klingon, right?" he asked.

"That proves you're overly intelligent and socially inept."  He smirked.  "The materials are in front of you.  So is the plan."

Xander looked at it then at him.  "It won't work either.  You don't have the materials necessary to make a solid housing to keep the contamination of the core down.  If it's contaminated with anything it won't go off."  The demon stared at him.  "It's true.  That stuff is very open to contamination.  You have to shield it better."

"We can get you some.  Start with the trigger."

Xander snorted.  "If you start there then you have to engineer the rest of the device to it, which changes the plans.  You always start with the core's chamber and work out, implanting the core last."

"I will get you the thicker metal you need."  He left, leaving him to look over the plans.  Finally a human geek who knew explosives!

Xander looked up then snorted.  He shook his head.  "Poor pitiful fools," he muttered.  He got to work with what he had.  They had given him more than enough to build something explosive in the more traditional way.  So when his keeper was coming back, he threw it at the doorway, setting it off.  He smirked.  "If you step outside this room, you will be radiated by the carbon I just put in that bomb.  No one can help you and anyone watching is now dead."

"You could kill us all!" he shouted.

Xander shrugged.  "You took me hostage."  He smirked.  "By the way, I'm not the normal geek boy.  Hi, Xander Harris," he said, grinning and holding out a hand.  The demon wailed and ran out to be sickened like the rest.  To humans it'd feel and act like graphite dust.  To those demons it was like  uranium had just went off in their realm.  He walked out the doorway, finding another weapon.  "Hi, baby.  Let's get you fixed up."  He checked it over, then loaded it from the stores sitting next to it.  It was good to be him sometimes.  And hey, no more anger outburst.

***

Jack Bauer looked at the portal opening in the armory, frowning at the man walking through.  "Angel."

"Jack.  We couldn't get Xander free.  They don't have him anymore.  No one does, but Xander's not exactly free."

"On another realm?"

"Yes.  He's wearing out some anger on the demons who wanted him to build them a bomb to blow up their enemies so they could bathe in their blood."

"Sounds Klingon," Dawn said as she walked in.  "I felt a portal."  She gave Angel a hug.  "Hi."

"Hi."  He smiled.  "How are you feeling?"

"I think I drained the Key too much."

"It'll come back, Dawn.  Magic always gathers inside you."  He patted her on the head.  "Tell your sister I said hi."

"I can do that.  Wes is in his office.  Can we pinpoint which realm he's on?"

"I think they're going to be giving him back soon," Angel admitted.  "He's a bit upset about what happened earlier according to the underground.  The realm there is floating in graphite dust."  He walked her out to talk to Wesley.

"Graphite?" Jack wondered.

"Carbon bomb," Dawn called.  "Xander made one once to take out a nest of anti-carbon demons."

"Huh.  I need those plans."  He considered it.  "Maybe Dean has them."  He went to ask.  They did give him all sorts of neat new weapons to play with.  It was one reason why he liked this job.  Beyond saving the world about every week.

***

Spenser looked up from his chess game with Hotch when the twinkling portal opened in the agency's plane.  The fairly young demon dragged Xander through and handed him to him.  "Please, take him.  We don't want any more geeks!  We want no more bombs built!  Bathing in the blood of our enemies will wait for generations until we can do it in the glorious old style.  The Elders said we were being foolish to use new technology.  Now we know why.  We promise we will go back to our former warriors' ways so we can overtake them as is proper.  Just, keep him away from us.  Please?" he begged.  "We will pay you any ransom you want to keep him."

"We can keep him," he promised with a smile.  "I like Xander.  He's a very good friend."

"Good!  He could use one such as you to keep him calm!  Before he bounces some more and kills more of us!"  He ran back through the portal and it closed.

Spenser looked down at the man laying half-across his lap.  "What happened?"

"They wanted to take Fargo," he groaned, making himself sit on the floor next to him.  "They only wanted a nerd.  Didn't say why.  I told them about inventing and the patents so they took me instead of Fargo's giant brain."  Hotch gave him a strange look.  "Isn't that better since Fargo's our DD?"

"Yes it is," he agreed.  "Very selfless.  They give medals for that stuff."

"Eww."

"So you did what?" Spenser asked to interrupt Xander's distaste of being rewarded.

"They brought me up to their lab.  Woke me up in it.  Gave me these plans," he said, handing them over.  "I pointed out a fault with the core's shielding.  It's contaminateable stuff so it has to have a thicker shielding on it.  They tried to get me to do the trigger first.  I corrected and said you had to build them from the core out, then implant the core right before the trigger.  Otherwise you have to reverse engineer the wiring and stuff."  Spenser nodded at that, looking at him.  "He left to get it for me.  I created a carbon bomb and sent it out behind him when he walked back in with it.  Then I walked out, found a gun, did some fish in a barrel hunting.  They decided they want to go back to being warriors again."

"I heard that part."  He gave him a hug.  "I'm glad you're okay."

Xander sniffled.  "Don't make me emo, Spenser."

"Fine.  Want to talk about it now?"  Xander gave him a hurt look.  "It's all over the underground.  Whatever the Elders did didn't remove it from geniuses again and didn't remove it from them."

"That means they're going to lose respect since I went to vent on the vamps," he muttered.

"No, I don't think so.  C'mon, we'll hog a seating area away from everyone.  Want a soda?"  Xander nodded so Spenser got him one and walked him off.  "Morgan, can Xander and I have this area to talk?  He had a bad thing happen earlier."

"Sure, I'll go play chess with Hotch."  He left them alone to talk.  The boy looked like someone had shot his dog.  He sat down and pointed.  "What's going on?"

"That senator tried to blame him for everything that's happened.  She's anti-hunter and is partially demonic herself."

"Can she be removed?"

"I have no idea," he admitted.  "We know she wants to take down him and possibly DCIS."

"She wanted me badly," Xander called, grinning some.  "Her mother was kicked out for being evil.  She was too.  So clearly my bad girl drawing power was hard at work."

Hotch smiled but shook his head.  "Don't date another woman, Xander.  Especially not on my team."  He found Spenser's cellphone, using it to call the base.  "This is Supervisory Agent Hotchner.  I need someone to tell Doctor Jackson that we have Agent Harris with us.  The demons were very nice and begged us to keep him.  That they'll go back to being proper warriors now.  He even brought back the bomb's plans for you guys.  We're on the plane.  Thank you."  He hung up and went back to the chess game.  "He was going to move his knight."

"I can see why but that's a sucky sacrifice play."  He moved a pawn, sacrificing it so he could get the queen.  "That's better."

Hotch shook his head.

***

Spenser knocked on the hotel room's door, smiling at John when he opened it.  "We've had a long talk after the demons handed him back and begged for us to keep him."

"Usually that takes a few Mountain Dews," he said as he let them inside.

"They had Molintz berries on the table," Xander said with a grin.  "I nibbled."

"You shouldn't nibble at things you don't recognize.  They can be poisonous," he said, smacking him on the head.

"Ow!  I knew what they are.  I nearly destroyed the school we were rebuilding thanks to them."  He grinned.  "Besides, it worked."

"I guess it did, kid."  He gave him a once-over.  "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

John stared at him.  "Fargo, take Xander into the bedroom and check for  injuries?"

"Yes, John."  He dragged Xander off nagging about not scaring him like that again.  Xander told him it was his job, to shut up about it.  Before someone gave him more praise.

Spenser shook his head.  "We had a long talk," he said quietly.  "He's feeling better.  He's worked over a lot of the anger at her for all of it.  Everything back to high school."  John nodded.  "Daniel wanted me to help him too so I'll tell him we talked on the plane ride back.  He wanted me to talk to Dawn too so I'll be out on base this weekend."

"Thanks.  Anything we should know?"

"Give Jack this," he said, handing over a CD.  "Garcia copied it down for him.  He stole their bomb's plans when he got free."

"I can do that.  Anything else good happen?"

"Xander's back to joking.  He's better."

"There's no full healing but he's more even again?" he guessed.

"Basically.  His arm's always going to ache as a reminder, John.  But he'll be fine now.  Let me go do laundry and unpack, then repack so I can go back with you if possible.  Have him call me before you guys leave."

"We're in town for another day.  Another senator wanted to know what happened.  He's having dinner with him tomorrow since he's back."

"That's fine.  Which one?"

"One of the conservative assholes."

"He'll probably try to drive her off because of what she is."  He shrugged.  "That's politics and I don't play it either.  I'll check in tomorrow."  He left, going to call Daniel once he got home.  "We talked.  He's better.  Not perfect, but better.  He still thinks you'll fire him for losing his temper and swearing at her.  He thinks he looks bad on the agency.  I couldn't convince him otherwise.  Only you can do that."  He smiled.

"That might be overkill.  Let them be handled by another team.  Xander's arm is aching like hell according to him.  The memories breaking free brought out all the pain.  He said he's been ignoring all the pain in it anyway.  No, he explained it as there's three physical bodies.  One's been healed.  One's been healed for longer.  The third can't be healed but it was merged with the other two so he could feel his fingers again.

"Yeah, still.  So he's in pain and Fargo was nagging him about being heroic for him.  Xander told him to stop it before someone overheard and offered a medal or something equally ick-making, his word of course.  I can do that if Hotch will let me.  A senator wanted to know what happened so John said he has tea tomorrow.  If you can, I'll try to fly back with them.  Thanks, Daniel."

He hung up and called Hotch.  "Can I go with them tomorrow?  They need me to talk to Dawn too.  She nearly killed herself saving an associated project that had diphtheria.  Yeah, her.  That'll work, thanks, Hotch."  He hung up and went to do laundry since he could fly out tomorrow and only take a few sick days.  His boss was a good friend.

***

Jack O'Neill pulled Xander into the office once they got back on base, staring at him.  "You did good, kid."

"No I didn't.  I lost my temper majorly and swore at her.  I pissed her off enough that she tried to say I had threatened her."

"She's an idiot.  You did good then, you held it in for as long as you could.  You took yourself away from people you could have hurt and requested a way to deal with it that wouldn't trash your rep or any innocent beings.  You did good in the fights.  When John showed up you didn't fight him removing you that hard, just stated that you didn't think you were ready yet.  Which you weren't but there wasn't time to do that then.

"When Fargo nearly got snatched you did good protecting him by going in his place, and then you made a whole realm beg, plus brought back important plans that's going to save lives.  When the other asshole senator tried to get you to say something bad, you didn't and pointed out you didn't want to play politics.  That wasn't your thing and it wasn't the way this agency worked.  He agreed and pressed but you stuck to it."  He smiled.  "That's all anyone could expect, Xander."

"I still embarrassed the agency by swearing and breaking that way."

"You're human.  We expect you to be human.  With the way those memories broke out, I would've trashed the room and any humans that got in my way."  Xander slumped, shaking his head.  "You were in enough control that you got yourself to a safe location to wear that out and made sure that no innocents got hurt.  You did it out of public sight.  That's all Danny would want you to do."

"True," Daniel said as he walked in.  "You did not disappoint me.  You did not disappoint me when you broke.  Those memories are traumatic just knowing what little I know, Xander.  For you they have to be devastating.  You took it away from innocents, away from the public seeing, and actually increased your rep doing so."  Xander grimaced.  "You saved the weaker member of the team, Fargo, and made them sorry for trying this.  They've stolen other geeks in the past and killed them because their version didn't work."  He patted him on the head.  "I want you to stay on base for a bit to let the political bullcrap settle down some.  Some press person got hold of the story that the senator wanted you gone because you're a hunter first.  I want you to stay out of that."  Xander nodded, staring at him.  "For that reason I gave the raids and pipelines to Mac and Stella for now.  Their full team is working on it.  When this has died down you can go back to it."

"They consider Mac's team like mine light," Xander said quietly.

"I know.  That's why I gave it to him and let Horatio back him up.  They need to be more scared of Horatio and Speed."  He smiled.  "You're not in trouble."

"I should be."

"Then consider the guilt you feel and the staying out of the public eye to be punishment if you want, but you don't deserve it.  You punish yourself better than I could."  He patted him again, smiling at him.  "Talk some more with Spenser if it helps, Xander.  He understands you better than nearly anyone and he gets where you're coming from."

"He said my profile was fun."

"I'm sure it was.  Now, go shower and rest until dinner."

"You're not...going to say anything about the realm going bye-bye, right?"

"No.  I think that was subtle and less than what Jack and I would do.  I don't judge your actions like I do the other agents, Xander.  You're not like them.  I judge you against Jack's measuring stick.  He wouldn't have stopped shooting them and would've come back with all their weapons and the last few begging."  Xander gave him a shy grin.  "I judge you, Jack, and Sheppard all on the same stick.  You're fine.  You're above average on it but if you pout again I'm going to drop you down.  The same as you don't need to feel guilty about losing your temper.  I would've hit the bitch."  Xander gaped.  "With what I know about it, which is only the barest of dry facts, I can only imagine that sort of question thrown at me and making me react in a violent manner."

"How did you get transcripts?  Spenser tried and couldn't."

He smirked.  "One of the senators called and told me.  Read the last few to me.   Even he said your anger was reasonable and he was glad he hadn't done the gentlemanly thing and stepped in front of her."

"I probably wouldn't have hurt him."

"Which shows that you're in control of your temper.  It's not in control of you.  Now, go finish resting.  The girls will want to know about the fight club and that realm."

Xander nodded.  "Thanks, Danny."

"You're welcome.  You're a friend, Xander.  As long as I'm not doing something important that absolutely can't wait, come talk to me.  Okay?"  Xander nodded.  "Try to keep it down for a bit, but if you have to do something on a case you have to do something.  Even if we do pick on you for it.  That's what good friends and family do."  He grinned and Xander nodded, heading over to his apartment to rest.  He was much happier.  "Thanks, Jack."

"Not a problem.  This bomb?"

He held up the CD.  "Got it from Spenser.  Garcia copied it for us.  Take it to the armory to let him see it.  Oh, he said the core needed heavier shielding when they wanted him to build it."

"I'll keep that in mind."  He took the CD to the armory, getting a groan.  "Some demons  wanted Xander to build them a bomb.  Wanna see the plans?  Xander told them they needed heavier shielding around the core but I'm guessing it's something new."

"Sure.  Put it in and pull over a stool."  He put it into the computer and pulled over a stool to look over the diagrams.  "What is that core?"

Jack highlighted it.  "I have no idea."  He called the lab.  "Abby, can you send McKay down here to identify what they wanted to build a bomb out of?  If you want."  He hung up.  "They'll be right down."  She walked in dragging him by his arm.

"I don't see why I have to come to the armory this time."

"We need to know what they wanted in the core of their bomb," Jack told him.  "I figured you knew more about them than she did."

"Probably since I've built a few," he admitted.  He leaned down but Jack enlarged it for him.  "What is that?"

Abby looked.  "The purple stuff in the dangerous materials locker."  She beamed.  "We know it's light sensitive and it's very fragile.  Air can contaminate it and make it not as explosive, but it'll turn into a gas that'll make you happy if it's too contaminated."

"That's probably why Xander said it needed heavier shielding around the core," Jack decided.

O'Neill looked at them.  "Can we play with it?  Just to test it out?"

"We could but the botanists took over the testing area with George to feed him all the plant food he wanted.  They're having a lot of fun giving him branch rubs and things."

"Yes, well, they are a bit sick in the head.  Wanting to have plants as bed partners.   One even suggested making a plant that changed shape into a human form for pleasure around base."  Rodney walked off shaking his head.  "We'll find some way to test it and let you see."

"Thank you for letting us play with the explosives again," Abby called, waving as he walked her off.  "We might need to get some more."

"We might," he agreed.  "The last time I saw that sample it was only a few grams worth.  That plan called for nearly thirty of it."

"I'm wondering why Xander was making plans with it," she said.

"Who knows.  With him, he could have been expecting to need it during the next apocalypse."

"I wonder if you could make it into exploding-tip bullets.  You'd need something to set it off....  Maybe one of Dean's magnesium rounds?"

He looked at her, then smiled and kissed her.  "That's a very wicked idea, love.  We should try that later on, when we get more to play with."

"We should."  She called LA.  "Hi, Connor, it's Abby.  We need some of that purple, sparkly, explosive stuff to experiment with.  Yes, that stuff.  Please?  As much as you can give us and I'll pay for it?  Let me know?"  She beamed.  "Thanks, Connor.  You're a sweetie.  No, you don't have to tell Morgan I called you that.  She won't be jealous.  Be good and send baby pictures soon from Crissy."  She hung up.  "He'll ask around for us."  She called Dean next.

"We found a new explosive stuff and were wondering if it might work in exploding-tipped bullets.  We're getting some from Connor.  The purple stuff in the dangerous vault.  Yup, that stuff.  We'll see.  Thanks.  Oh, we know he's back.  Do we know why he came back with bomb plans?"  She listened, tipping her head to the side.  "Really?  Huh.  That's strange.  I hadn't heard of geeks getting kidnaped by demons to make them a bomb.  Huh.  I'll have to ask Fargo about that.  Thanks, Dean.  Once we get some.  Thank you!"  She blew a kiss and hung up, giving him a hug.  "Xander saved Fargo by going up in his place.  Then he blew most of them away with a carbon bomb made with graphite."

"I've never seen one of those."

"We'll get him to make us one to play with."  She beamed.  "Okay?"

"I might like that."  He took a kiss and nuzzled her throat, which made her purr.  "You are my perfect mate, Abigail."

She nibbled on his ear.  "Does that mean I should propose to you?"

He pulled back to look at her.  "That was a leap in logic."

"Well, some year we'll end up on different labs again.  Especially if they get Atlantis set back up."

"True."

"A ring would make it easier to get conjugal visits."

He smiled.  "That's nearly evil.  Plus it would scare some people."

"It so would.  They'd start asking all the time if I was pregnant again."  He smirked back.  She stole a kiss.  "Whenever you're ready, I am."

"I'll think about it after I make you keep up House tonight."

"He doesn't seem to mind."  He laughed, pulling her into the changing area of the biohazard lab so he could have some more snogging.  He did so love to love his girl.  She was perfect for him and let him exercise his brilliant mind in many new, interesting ways.

"Not this again," one of the lab geeks complained.

Abby opened the door.  "Go away.  I just proposed for whenever he's ready."

She whimpered.  "That means you'll be polluting us all with super geek babies some year."

"Not this year," Abby assured her, closing the door again.  She looked at Rodney.  "I know what birth control is.  I helped teach the slayers."

"Good.  We don't want that accident yet."

"No.  Not for years."

"Good."  He kissed her, getting her back in the mood.  Himself too.  He nearly lost all control and had her physically in there.  She would have let him but it wouldn't be too decorous of him.  She finally made him snap by taking down his pants and climbing on top.  "I'd never usually do this but you do inspire me to evil ways," he panted against her shoulder.

"Awww, I love that compliment."  She pulled his head back by his hair to kiss him.  "Do more, Rod, and I'll play helpless, slutty lab assistant all night long."

He smirked.  "You do it very well."  He worked until they both got off, then sat there cuddling her.

Fargo had come into the lab, spotted them, then blushed and walked out, sending everyone else off for a break before they saw them.  He ran into Daniel outside while trying to get some air.  "I think Abby and Rodney are very serious."

"Why?" he asked with a smile.

"They just broke the lab's rules to .... play in the changing area of the biohazard lab."

"Hmm.  That is odd for McKay.  I guess it's really love."  He smiled.  "When you find it, let us know so we can give you more time off for cuddling."  He patted him on the back and went to check on them.  He found Sheppard on the elevator and pulled him off. "No.  Let them cuddle."

"Who?  Again?" he asked at the knowing look.

"Fargo said he broke his own rules to have her in the biohazard changing area."

Sheppard shook his head.  "I'll expect him to be flashing a huge ring for months."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Remind McKay that we have shore leave tomorrow please?"

"I can do that."  He went up there, finding Abby in the bathroom.  He faced down McKay.  "I will see you make an honest lab goddess out of her, McKay, and if you hurt her I'm siccing all the girls, Xander, and Gibbs on you."

"I'd never hurt her."  He looked so upset at that thought.

"Good.  Then Sheppard said you have shore leave tomorrow.  Let me know when she'll need time off to become an honest goddess of both labs."  That got a smirk and a nod.  "Whenever you guys want and of course you can use the base.  You can even have Binky and Digger as flower unicorns."  He left him alone.

McKay finished dressing, looking in at Abby.  "They're very protective of you."

"They love me like a sister.  Flower unicorns?"

"Not my idea of an appropriate thing.  They might crap during it and that would ruin the ceremony."

She came out to kiss him.  "We'll figure it out when you're ready."

"Good.  Are you going with us tomorrow?  You can leave Radek in charge."

"I might."  She gave him a sly look then winked.  "Let's go play in the apartment for dinner?"

"I'm all for that."  He led her off, taking her home to play with her.  He'd love whatever her slightly warped mind would come up with.  He always enjoyed it.  She took such good care of him.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Personal Matters.

Notes:  remembered a discussion we had on a list about various strange lubes and what people had used in the past.  Sparked this idea at one in the morning.  Thanks, guys.  I needed the dirty thoughts.

"Hey, um, Xander?" Faith asked as she sidled up next to him in the armory.  "Dean kinda forgot to make a few runs earlier when he was doing errands for the girls.  You got anything...slick like?" she hissed in his ear.

Xander looked at her then held up the gun oil.  "You can borrow it if you want," he offered.  He wouldn't grin and embarrass her further.  She was already near blushing.  He really hadn't seen Faith blush before.  It was kind of cute.

"Um, no thanks.  Dean's a bit gun nut but I don't think he wants to use gun oil for that, boytoy."

Xander shrugged.  "There's the tried and true spit," he offered.

"That leaves friction burns even with the lubricated condoms," she complained, leaning her hip against the table.  "If the moron had went to the pharmacy like he said he was going to, we wouldn't be this sitch."  She looked at him.  "Anya's trunk of delights doesn't have anything?" she complained.

"No, we used the last of the wifey lube," he joked, starting to grin. "That stuff goes bad if you don't use it."  He considered it.  "Let's see.  From my days on the pole during my road trip, we had a discussion and chat session one night when there were no customers because it was pouring rain.  I got a lot of good kinky ideas from that night."  She cleared her throat, shaking her head.  "We had one of the guys who used motor oil.  We had one of the guys who used kitchen oils.  A lot.  His boyfriend wanted to be a chef.  I know gun oil works, been there done that."  He considered it, noticing the usually unflappable slayer was now bright red.  "What?" he asked.

"How would you get it out?  Motor oil and gun oil don't just soak out."

"That's what I wondered but the guy who said he used motor oil said it was fun and left it there."  He smirked.  "The one with the chef wanna be for a boyfriend said he used mayo once.  He did say to use the cheaper stuff, it had more oil than the better quality stuff."

"That's also got eggs," she said.  "I don't want to smell like food for the next few days, X."

"Sorry."  He shrugged, holding up the gun oil.  "It will soak out," he offered.  "Oooh, Willow said once that Oz had to improvise.  He used those little cocktail weenies in a can's juice."

"Food's still not my kink, no matter how much Dean likes to eat."

"I don't know.  Hey, John?" he called, making Faith moan.  "You got anything slick?"

"WD-40."

"Not that sorta slick," Faith moaned, putting her head on the table.

"Though that does give a whole new meaning to squeaky parts," Xander said dryly.  "And sticky parts."  John blushed at that.  "Dean forgot lube when he went out."

"No.  I don't usually need that sort of thing.  Can't you use vaseline or something?  I don't want to hear this discussion unless you're giving me grandkids and reminiscing in your second trimester, Faith."  He walked off trying hard not to think about it.  He did not want to know that about his son's sex life.  The spank magazines were bad enough.

Faith looked at Xander.  "Did I deserve that?" she whined.

"Yeah."  He smirked.  "A little bit of blushing is good for the skin.  Or so said Buffy when Anya used to talk about our sex life in front of her and make her blush."  He beamed.  "But I do know you can use it...."  She covered his mouth.

"No!  I don't wanna *think* that thought.  Stop it."  He held up the bottle of gun oil.  "He's not that gun nuts."  Jack, the armory Jack, walked in looking happy.  "Let me scoot."

"Problems?" he asked, noticing the blush and how she was covering Xander's mouth.  "Something we need help with?"

"Got anything slick in your commando kit?"

"Gun oil."

"Not my thing for sex.  Thanks though.  X suggested it plenty of times."  She walked off.

"Go ask Abby," he called after her.  "She probably does."

"Thank you, Goddess!" she shouted.  "A *good* suggestion!"  She hurried off to do that.

"I asked John if he had any slick stuff, he suggested WD-40 without realizing what she needed," Xander said with a grin.

"I don't think that'd work too well.  And it'd be hard to clean out."

"Nah, the guy who used the motor oil probably had a worse time."

Jack looked at him oddly.  "You know someone who did that?"

"Yeah.  One night when there were no customers, back when I had the car break down on my road trip, we got into a talk one night about the strangest sex stuff.  He won with motor oil but the guy who used mayo came in second."

Jack shook his head.  "Mayo might work.  I know someone who used ranch dressing once too.  And the dip at one diplomatic party.  Same guy, got into a lot of trouble for it."

Xander nodded.  "We had one guy who used the little cocktail weenies in a can's juice."  Jack shuddered.  "Yeah, I told him I wouldn't put anything up my butt that I wouldn't put in my mouth.  He giggled his butt off for almost an hour."

"It's good you caused insanity long before you got here, Xander."  He patted him on the back.  "What was your contribution?"

"Back then I was kinda vanilla.  I hadn't done more than take Anya to the prom and have her that one night so I'd only gotten to handcuffs and gun oil.  And that time Faith choked me.  Anya was only my third girlfriend."

Jack gave him a sympathetic pat on the back.  "It's better now, right?"

"I could use someone full-time but clubbing relief works well enough now and then."

"As long as you're careful.  The girls would be destroyed if you caught something off some skank."

"Yeah, they would kill both of us," he agreed.  "Especially after I yelled when the girls who had been in Cleveland were sharing some guys around and got crabs and stuff."

"Definitely after that lecture, yeah.  What are you doing?"

"The only case open right now is the busts and I'm kinda grounded to the base until things die off.  Senator Chores is still trying to get me killed by someone.  She hired someone this last time but she was a fun playmate.  I let her track me through the woods until I pounced then she begged really well."  He grinned a smug little grin.  "Then she decided the little death of an orgasm was as close as I was coming by her hand."  He shrugged and got back to work cleaning guns.

"You slept with the assassin she sent after you, which made her not kill you?" Jack asked.  Xander beamed and nodded.  "How do you do that?"  Clearly the woman hadn't hired a good assassin.  They would've slept with Xander and killed him anyway.

"Bad girls love me," he said smugly.

"I can see that."  He walked off shaking his head, running into John Sheppard and Daniel arguing over something.  "Daniel, did you know that Senator Chores sent an assassin after Xander?  That he had slept with her so she wouldn't kill him?"

"Excuse me?" John asked, looking confused.  "Xander did *what*?"

"Apparently Senator Chores put out a contract on him.  He led the assassin through the woods on a chase then pounced according to him.  He said after he got done with his pouncing, she decided that the orgasm was as close to death as she could give him."

Daniel moaned, rubbing his forehead.  "Only Xander," he muttered.

"Not even I'm that bad," John agreed.  He gave Daniel a pat on the arm.  "If we get to go back, you can come with us if you want."

Daniel looked at him.  "Don't tempt me."

John grinned at Jack.  "How did this topic come up?"

"Faith was looking for stuff."

"Ah.  Condoms?"

"Lube.  Xander offered gun oil.  Apparently when he was stripping way back when, the other guys got into a talk about the strangest lube they had used.  One used motor oil."

"That's got to be hard to get out," John said, considering it.

"I suggested she ask Abby," Jack told him.

"That might help but I know she's out because McKay was complaining last night that he only got cuddles and groping in."  He grimaced.  "Pharmacy run?"

"She can drive."

"They can?" John asked.

"I got an instructor from the FBI Academy to come out to teach defensive driving and to teach all the slayers how to drive," Daniel told him.  "So everyone but Tiff can."

"No, I taught her," he assured him.  Brenda wandered past. "You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine.  Just sleepy."  She yawned.  "Where's John?"

"Off being embarrassed since Faith and Dean ran out of necessary stuff," Jack told her.

"I have some."  She jogged back to her room, holding her pregnant stomach.  She gathered up her extra to hike over to the highrise Dean and Sam shared an apartment in.  She knocked on the door, getting a curious looking Dean.  "Jack said you guys ran out of stuff and that Faith was hunting some down.  You can have my extra."  She grinned and handed it over.

He looked at the small pile.  "Why did you have warming lube?" he asked.  "Won't that hurt her?"

"I asked, it's perfectly safe and it feels really nice."  She grinned.  "I'll buy more in a few days.  That way she doesn't have to embarrass Dad anymore."  She walked off happier now that she had helped.

Dean shut the door, looking at the little stack.  Condoms, which he was happy to see.  Two different types of lube.  One flavored condom, lemon flavored.  Maybe he'd have to talk to Brenda about any kinky things she had done while pregnant.  Just to make sure she was safe, not to perv in her life or anything.  Faith walked in and slammed the door.  "Somehow Brenda heard and gave us her leftover stuff."

"That'll help since Xander didn't have any and neither did Abby, but Xander managed to out-kink me."

"Really?" he asked, grinning at her.  "I thought he only liked light bondage now and then."

She shook her head quickly.  "Back when he was broken down the other ladies stripping and him talked about their kinky lube stuff.  He kept trying to get me to bring over gun oil."

"I don't think that's the right sort of slick," he said, shaking his head to get rid of that mental image.

"He asked Papa Scruffy if he had anything slick, without telling him why.  He suggested WD-40."

"It's one of the fundamental cures of the universe, but not for this."

"X said he knew someone who used motor oil."

He pulled her closer to kiss her.  "No, I like normal things.  So do you.  She has warming lube and regular lube."

"Regular's good," she said quickly.  "We can use some more vanilla in our lives."  He grinned, taking her to his bedroom to have loud, mind clearing sex before the bad, kinky thought stuck in their heads.

***

Daniel found Xander right before dinner, pushing him into a nearby room before he could walk into the dining hall.  He followed and closed the door with a kick of his foot.  "What assassin was this and why didn't you tell us?"

Xander gave him a confused look.  "I handled it and I told the FBI guy I worked with on the Wolfram and Hart thing, Danny.  He said he'd handle it.  I know I'm safe now.  She told the others that killing me is a waste of a good man."

"I don't need those sort of details," he sighed, rubbing his forehead.  "Did House check you out afterward?  Just in case she poisoned you or something?"

"It was last week, a few days after I got back."

"Have him check anyway, Xander."  Xander pouted.  "And find someone nice to date?  Please?"

"I can't find anyone," he complained.  "I've been hitting it in the clubs now and then but I can't find a good, steady thing that'll let me make her scream in pleasure."

"I don't need details," he reminded him quickly.  "Ask Abby to set you up.  They might be a bit strange but probably nice since she is."

"I hadn't thought about that."  He walked out, going to talk to Abby.  Rodney was nagging her over not eating a lot.  "She'll eat you later, McKay, quit nagging.  We'll be nibbling while we tinker anyway.  Abby, Danny suggested you might be able to fix me up with a woman who'll let me make her scream multiple times a night."

She looked up at him.  "You're having another blunt disease day, aren't you?" she asked with a grin.

"Yeah.  He thinks it was bad that the assassins aren't going to come after me again after I slept with the last one."

She shook her head quickly.  "That's so bad, Xander, but I'll ask my girlfriends.   Has  House seen you yet?"

He grumbled something under his breath.  "He wanted me to make sure too."  He trudged that way.  "House, Daniel said you had to poke me again because he's not sure the assassin I slept with last time didn't try to poison me since she was trying to kill me."

House stared up at him.  "You need laid badly, don't you?" he asked dryly.

"Well, yeah, but I can't sneak off to any clubs for another two days.  He has me grounded to the base while Chores works it out of her system."

"I'll draw blood after dinner, Xander.  Go eat and make sure you're not feeling funny."

"I'm not."  He went to sit down beside Sam since it was the only spot at the table.  "When I finally get to sneak off, wanna come with me?"

Sam smirked.  "I don't think you need a hunting partner on that sort of hunting trip, Xander.  Motor oil?"

"It wasn't me.  It was one of the other guys at the club.  I was way more straight back then."

Sam nodded.  "I was before I went to college too," he sighed.  Then he grinned.  "But I had fun."

"Yeah, it was fun trying new things out," Xander sighed, then grinned back.  "We really should go have bad boy fun soon."

"We should," he agreed.

"After House makes sure the assassin you slept with didn't poison you," Daniel called from his seat.

"Yes, boss."

"Assassin?" John Winchester demanded from up the table.

"I found her stalking me in the woods.  I led her on a good chase, turned her into prey and pounced her.  She decided I was too good to kill," he said with a grin.

John stared at him.  "Mind out of the gutter, boy."

"Why?"

"Because you'll taint the girls."

"They're not going to be like me, John.  They know that.  Even in their second trimesters."

John blushed.  "That's an excusable reason for doing things that good people don't think about," he said firmly.  Brenda blushed but shook her head quickly.  "I'm sure if you're scratching that itch you're careful, Brenda."

"I'm very careful.  Abby helped me find someone."

"Good!"  He looked at his son and Xander again.  "When I checked on you at Stanford no one said you were being that bad, Samuel."

"I don't think they ran in the same circles as your friends and contacts, Dad.  Well, except maybe that one bachelor party....  But probably not since we kinda got the club shut down."

Xander sighed.  "I remember doing that."  He shook his head quickly.  "Maybe I should bring Spike with me.  He liked to follow me around to watch the chaos in action when I went hunting that way."

"He's in Montana.  Remember, Ryan's case," Sam said, grinning at him.  "We can go.  Is there a good place locally?"

"Semi locally.  I found one.  I go there to blow off steam."  He beamed at him.  "I have a lot of fun those days."

"You're still grounded to base, Xander," Daniel reminded him.

"I can go undercover," he offered.  "Do a temporary hair dye, drive my own car.  All that good stuff."

"No."  He looked over.  "It's safer if there's more assassins.  Not all of them will sleep with you and not kill you."

Xander smirked.  "I've only seen the two and the other one got his ass beaten by the demon who was trying to talk me into sleeping with him.  He was very insulted the guy tried to interrupt his seduction attempt.  I made him give him to Fornell too."

Tony choked, pulling out his phone to call him.  "Fornell, DiNozzo.  You've had assassins handed over to you by Xander and someone else?"  He listened, then got up to bang his head against a wall.  "Could you not stop her?"  He nodded, groaning some.  "Thanks, Fornell.  No, he was talking about a clubbing field trip."  He hung up.  "He got another three from others who think Xander's a pinup, boss," he said dryly, sitting down again.

"I am?" Xander asked.

"He said one showed him a picture of you in a speedo to show who he had been going after.  The demon had broken his jaw."

"Awww.  I didn't know I had a fan following too."  He beamed at John.  "See, they do like me.  Though I'm not sure how she got a picture of me back in eleventh grade when I went undercover on the swim team.  And if there's others I might start to worry."

"Sammy, can't you knock him out?" John asked.

"No, Dad."

"Please?" Brenda asked.  "Before I get bad girl ideas and therefore have to try to date him too?"  A few of the other slayers choked on that sentence.

"I know you're too sweet for me and my dirty things," Xander assured her with a grin.  "Even during the old days when the girls were so horny they tried to break in to take dirty pictures of the agents, I knew we were safe with you, Brenda."  She sniffled, getting up to give him a hug then sitting back down to eat.

"There's pictures?" Tony demanded.  Xander pointed at the group down the table who were trying to hide.  "We had better be getting them back, ladies."

"John burned them on us," one defended.  "And I only got you in boxers and a t-shirt.  It was how we proved who we had panty raided."

Daniel looked at them.  "We can ground you," he reminded her.

"There's a reason the punishment list in the newsletter is called Xander's Spanking List," Anna reminded them dryly.  They all glared at her.  "Not like I'm old enough to panty raid yet," she snorted.  "Besides, you girls took all the fun out of it by making it competitive."

"I'll be doing a dorm search later," John said firmly.  "Without you girls in your rooms."  They groaned, slumping some.  "There had better not be new ones either."  He looked at Tony.  "I did burn them.  Nothing was too risque.  Mostly sleeping pictures."

"That's still uncool," Ryan pointed out.

"Very," Sam agreed, staring at the girls.  They slumped further.  "Thank you.  Eat so you can clean up later when Dad tears your rooms apart."

"Be thankful we don't have invisibility cloaks," Xander said dryly.

"Yes I am," Sam agreed happily, grinning at him.  "The ones who used to panty raid would have been worse with one."

"Huh?" John asked.

"Major magical item in Harry Potter, Dad."

"Uh-huh.  Read better trash, boys."  He went back to eating.  Apparently he didn't have free time tonight after all.  Brenda gave him a grin and a pat on the wrist so he was happier.  He'd have to check her room extra carefully since the girls stored stuff with her thinking that he wouldn't check her room.

Xander and Sam were plotting down the table, heads bent together to hiss at each other.  It was clearly the sign of something naughty about to happen.

Danny and Ryan were watching those two then Danny nudged Speed to watch too.  Speed watched then grinned.  "If that works," he decided quietly.

Danny looked at him.  "You think?"

"Maybe.  Don't know yet.  We'll have to wait and see.  It'd be good for them."

"I think they might be a bit picky with each other," Ryan said quietly.  "They're buddies."

"Which doesn't always hurt a relationship, Wolfe," Speed assured him.  "Sometimes it makes good ones."

"Sam says he's straight," Don reminded them quietly.

"Good point.  That is a factor."  Speed grinned.  "What is the current bet?"

"With the assassin, they think that demon taint is coming out again."

"Could be," Ryan agreed.  Danny shuddered.  "But we'll figure it out I guess.  Or they will maybe."  He'd have to change his bet in the betting pool the office had quietly going on behind Xander's back.  Not that the demon community didn't.  They had a bet about who Xander was going to date and warp next.  Apparently they thought he had done it a bit too much to Anya or something.

***

Xander looked at the demon who screamed and was coming at him with a knife.  He had gotten off base to handle a minor, no stress possible, case with his team.  To his surprise, before he could move, Calleigh had her gun out and was pointing it at the demon, who had stopped to stare at her.  "Calleigh, why did we bring a gun?" he asked patiently.  "Usually that's my job."

"Because there's people who want to kill you, Xander.  I'm not going anywhere unarmed in case they come for me to get you."  She glared at the demon.  "What do you think you're doing?"

"He is going to die," the demon shouted.

"No, he's not.  Not while I'm here."  The demon tried to move on her but another one pounced it to beat it for her.  "Why thank you," she said, smiling at him.  "But you can't eat it.  We need to know who hired it.  Steven, take our wanna-be assassin here and get a statement for us please?"  The rotating third member of their team came over to grab the demon, the other one following.  It'd get the thing in a while as a snack.

Xander looked at the horrified demons.  "We know you're peaceful.  She's not going to use them on you.  Just to protect herself."

She swatted him on the back of the head.  A useful thing she had learned from Tony.  "And you, Xander."  She sat down with a smile.  "I didn't mean any disrespect but with that senator hiring people to take out Xander we have to be a bit more careful."

"We can understand that. You did try to hide it from our view.  We thank you for that," the clan leader said.  She smiled at him.  He looked at Xander.  "These four are the ones we called you about, Harris."  He pushed over pictures.  "It is our way to be peaceful in all things but these two have joined a demon gang and these two have for no reason we could find started to torture a friend's pet.  We have locked them up but we can find no reason.  Magic doesn't work well on us so we don't think it's that."

Xander smirked.  "Some magic will always work but it's fairly powerful.  Let me get Dawn here so we can examine them."  That got a nod.  He called.  "Dawn, me.  Get to my case.  Yes you can, Dawn.  No, that's fear.  Get here.  We have uber peaceful demons going psycho like Spenser would deal with."  He hung up.  Dawn needed a good kick to get back to herself anyway.

***

Dawn hung up and sighed, testing her magic.  It still hurt.  She tried to open a portal but it burned in her stomach, making her wince and stop.  "I can't do that," she said, texting Xander that she was still burning from the overuse.

"As one novel said, ground and center, girl," a demon pretending to be a young girl said, appearing to her.

Dawn looked at her.  "Huh?"

"Ground and center.  It's a fundamental lesson."

Dawn considered it.  "I didn't....  Oooh.  Oops."  She concentrated, finding her center of balance and her connection to the earth.  It snapped back into place and she did feel better.  Like her powers were back.  Before she had been reburning her interior reserves.  Now she knew why.  She smiled at the demon.  "Thank you.  Did you need help?  I can get one of the agents."

The demon laughed.  "They're not my type, child."  She stared at her, then smirked.  "Remember the words of your elders and the past events that made you into who you are today.  That's why you work and how you make things more interesting when they do their jobs."  She disappeared.

Dawn looked up.  "Thank you but we don't like the pawn gaming thing that someone has going on.  Next time please be less cryptic.  I'm not Angel."  She sighed and mentally cast the portal spell, making it work this time.  "I didn't reconnect," she told him, giving him a hug.

"Of course you didn't. You were scared that it'd hurt more," he agreed, staring at her.  "Better?"

"Much.  I feel much better.  Happier again too."  She looked at the pictures.  "Let me at 'em."

"We need to check them for magic."

She nodded, being led to the room where the four demons were waiting.  She cast the checking charm, then smirked.  "No obvious human style magic."  The leader moaned, shaking his head and muttering how he knew it to be so.  "But there is a bit of chaos and demonic magic giving them a nudge."  She walked around one, exposing the magic to them.  "As you can see."

Xander stared at what she lit up.  "Isn't that the demon that we got rid of due to that wish I made to Anya?"

"I think so, yeah."

"Why?" Calleigh asked.  "Unless he did it to draw you out into the open."

"This isn't Xander's sort of case," Dawn pointed out.  "No threat of destruction or weapons."  She looked at them.  "I can't undo it but I might be able to counter it some."  Leo appeared, whispering in her ear.  "Really?  Would they?"  He nodded, going to get one of the teachers at his kind's magical school.  She appeared and looked at the magic, breaking the demon's hold on them.  "Thank you, Professor."

She smirked.  "I wish we had seen you as a younger one, Dawn."

"She's starting college this fall," Xander said, sounding proud.

"She'll do fine in her chosen role."  She patted Dawn on the cheek.  "You forgot a step," she said quietly.

"Oops, I forgot to filter.  Didn't I?"  She nodded.  "I'll do that tonight."

"Good girl."  She walked back to Leo's side.

"Dinner?" Leo suggested.

"Yeah, I can do that.  Spenser and I talked for a good, long time recently."

"Good."  He disappeared with the teacher.

Dawn smiled at the watching demons.  "Leo's a white lighter.  I trained under his charges."

"You are quite powerful," the clan leader agreed.  He smiled.  "What do we do with them now?"

"See if they're still tainted to the desires that the magic sent them after," Xander said.  "If so, perhaps you can find a way for them to get those urges out in a more socially acceptable way."  He grinned at him.  "If worst comes to worst and they're fully tainted by those new desires, send them to the Garilogos.  Have them trained."

He considered that.  "They would make good bodyguards since our skills do run that way," he agreed.  "That's not a bad idea."  He smiled.  "I thank you for your help."

"You're welcome."

Dawn gave him a short hug.  "I'm always happy to help when things like this happen."

"Thank you as well.  Are you staying for dinner?"

"Nah, we've gotta get back to base," Xander sighed.  "Daniel's paranoid about that senator coming after me again."

"He said you're not allowed to gas up the truck either," Calleigh said dryly.  "Just in case you run into another massive pipeline of weapons and smuggling."

He scowled at her.  "They pulled in after us.  They should've realized it since it was an official SUV and had the agency's marks on the side.  All I did was look up from pumping gas as they pulled in."

Dawn snickered at the clan leader's confused look.  "Xander was handling a poltergeist up by the Canadian border and ran into a pair with a charmed car that ended up turning into a massive smuggling ring."

"I've heard about those busts.  Some things are going to be much more expensive now."

Xander shrugged.  "Then next time do it more legally or don't get caught."

"Good point."  He smiled as they headed off together.  "Now I know why Mother's fruits have doubled."

"They've found the major Canada to Mexico line," his second-in-command told him.  "None of the smaller ones but they were stupid if they saw him or the SUV and pulled in beside them to pump their own gas.  Probably arrogant youth like these, Leader."

"Possibly."  He stared at them then sighed.  "Test them.  If not, we'll set up a training arrangement with the training clans."  He walked off to tell his mother about that.  She had fussed for days about her groceries getting more expensive.  Not that they really minded them busting the ring.  He had heard that they had found a lot of weapons.

***

Xander walked into the main building.  "I didn't find a new case," he called into the office as he walked past it.

"We're all very happy about that," Daniel called.  "Go see House."

"Crap."  Xander walked that way, going down on the elevator.  He walked into the infirmary.  "I'm a good boy.  I didn't even find another case while we were helping the peaceful demons with their kids who were magiced into tough guys."

"Congrats," Chase said dryly.

"Did something come up bad in the blood work House did?"

"A bit but nothing too critical.  It's time for your six-month check up so he can go over it.  He'll be right back.  He's raiding the caf."

"That's cool."  He sat down.  "Are all the girls okay?"

"Most are fine.  Brenda's had bad heartburn all day because the baby wanted sweet peppers according to her."  Xander grinned.  "John faithfully gathered for her.  Another of the slayers decided that she wanted to be a mother some day watching what was going on."

"Do I need to have a subtle talk about not being a teenage parent?" he asked.

"I already did.  She agreed it'd be a sucky outcome."  House strolled in with a plate of goodies on top of his coffee cup.  "He's back and didn't find a new major case."

"That's good.  The boss might've beaten him if he did."  He nodded at his office so Xander went that way.   The kid even held the door for him.  "Thank you."  He sat down and put his goodies down then put his feet up.  "Overall you're pretty good.  There's a few signs that you're getting stressed again.  There's also that nagging triglyceride number.  Not too badly high but still a bit high.  The rest of your cholesterol looked okay so watch the pork rinds and other blatantly fatty things for a bit?"

"Yes, House.  Anything like a poison?"

"Not that I could see.  Not unless she gave you something to make you totally healthy.  That lingering cough that you had from the smoke inhalation that was making your running times slower last fall is gone totally.  Which I would've expected back then but you basically got off the bed and went back to work immediately."  He gave him a look.  "On another note, someone sent me an email suggesting you and the wombat out there should get together.  Said it'd be good for you.  That way you'd have your own doc to patch you up immediately after a case.  I figured they knew something about your last one so I had you sent down this time," he finished with a smug look.

"I tripped and scraped my knee but otherwise I'm okay.  But I'll lay off the cheetos and the burgers when I'm out and about."

"Good.  You should be okay with cutting back, kid."  He stared at him.  "Anyone cute?"

"No, and no bad girls so that means that taint isn't working this time," he said happily.  "That assassin was my usual bad girl drawing power instead of that special bad girl magnet power."

"Good.  So...  I heard there's a board in Vegas that's taking bets on who you'll warp by dating next?"

Xander grimaced.  "I heard about that.  You might wanna warn Chase that they think I already warped him without having to date him but that he's about third down the list right now.  Dean had to counter he was dating Faith, not me."

"You don't mind it?"

Xander shrugged.  "They're looking for odd things to bet on because they're that bored I'm guessing.  Though, the one guy who has a longshot bet of me dating John Winchester is going to be highly disappointed when Dean tells his dad about that."  House snickered.  "Otherwise, it's all in fun.  I know demons are watching.  They have one on when Buffy's going to date another bad guy again too."

"If you're sure.  Someone told General Jack and he went to have a headache for a whole day."

"Plenty of beings, demonic and not, think that General Jack already has a boyfriend.  That's why he has his job."

"Good point.  I'm not so sure they're not."

Xander shrugged.  "If they are, I'm cool with it.  If not, I'm cool with it.  Doesn't impact me unless they have one of their rare shouting matches outside again."

He nibbled on a donut, seeing the pathetic look.  "I said cut down, not out.  I know you'd die without chocolate."  Xander beamed.  "You need to start taking days off again, kid."

"I will.  Or go out the last day before we come back on a case or something."

"That might get you a new one."

"No, I totally surprised the boards by going on a date with a woman who didn't turn evil.  Only one person bet that I could do it.  He won about six mil from all the bets about how evil my next girlfriend would turn."  He walked out looking smug.  "I'm nearly perfect in every way," he announced to Chase.

Chase gave him an odd look.  "You're stranger than normal.  Are you sure you're not delusional?"

"No, but the demons betting on who I'll end up with think you're higher in the running.  They've got you third.  Right after Sam and Tony.  Right before Speed and Ryan too."

Chase shook his head quickly.  "No.  I don't think so."

"Hey, tell the bookies in Vegas," he said dryly, strolling out.  He went up to Danny's office.  "She didn't poison me.  He worried because someone said I should date Chase to have my own personal doc.  So I told him where he was on the board that's betting on who I end up with permanently.  Strangely enough there's no women on the board and you're not on there.  Almost every agent is.  Sheppard is, but he's lower down at the moment."

Daniel looked at him.  "The demon casino  has a betting board about who you'll end up with?" he asked.

"Yup."

"Uh-huh."

"They said I did win one guy nearly six mil.  I did the impossible.  I didn't have to pull my gun on a case, shout on a case, get violent on a case, or protect myself on a case for a month.  I didn't have to pull any weapons to defend anyone.  And I dated a nice girl who stayed a nice girl even after going out and having sex with me."  He beamed.  "Though Dean's going to find the guy who bet that I'd date his dad and talk to him soon."  He strolled off to do his own report.  Then he came back.  "By the way, there is a very tiny, four bet, board that's wondering when you and a certain general are going to announce that you're adopting."  He went back to his desk.

Daniel burst out laughing.  "You're joking, right, Xander?" he called.

"Nope!  Like half the people at your last job, they've decided you don't need to look.  That's why you're not on mine."

Daniel got up to talk to Jack.  He needed to share this headache.  "Jack, the demon casino is betting on us."

He looked over.  "Half the universe thinks that we're together for *some* reason, Danny boy.  What else is new?"

"They're betting on when we'll announce adopting some spawn."

"Ah.  Charming."

"But I'm not on the board betting on who Xander will end up with."

"That's probably a good thing," he agreed dryly.   "Anyone I should warn that they're on there?"

"Sheppard's lower on the scale.  He said someone bet on John Winchester too."

"I'll make sure he knows it.  That way he can hit on a girl down here."  He went to find  Sheppard.  The military guys were running drills on the back forty of the base.  He found him in the command post, tapping him on the shoulder and nodding outside.  Sheppard came out, giving him an attentive look.  "The demon casino in Las Vegas has you listed on a bet."

"For?"

"Apparently you're lower in the stakes but some people think that Xander might end up with you in a more permanent fashion."

"That'd really blow Don't Ask Don't Tell, sir," he said dryly.

"Yes it would," he agreed. "Not that I care....."  Sheppard nodded.  "But this is to let you know that people are betting that you'll be calming him down sometime soon."

"I'll go find a cute woman my next time off base, General.  Thank you."

"Welcome, kid."  He walked off happier.  He ran into a scowling Winchester.  "Tell your dad that someone thinks he should date Xander?" he asked Dean.

"Hell no!"  He shuddered.  "That'd get my ass killed.  Where is Xander anyway?"

"Back.  Apparently without any complications."

"That's odd."  He shook his head.  "If you wanna tell Dad, go ahead."

Sam leaned out of the armory.  "I printed down the current odds and left it in Dawn's room."  He gave him a smug look.  "There's *no* women on that betting board."

"Who's tops?" Dean asked.  "I know I threw a fit with one when I heard I was on it."

"Tony and I are tied right now.  Apparently we put up with the happy, bouncy moods."

Dean walked off rubbing his forehead.  "I don't know how Xander can give headaches when he's not even there," he muttered as he walked off for a nap.  He ran into Brenda, who gave him a hug.  "Thanks, Brenda.  Get the list off Dawn's bed and hand it to Dad so he can rant at you?"

She cackled.  "I saw that and we've already told him.  He's in town at the bar."

"That's not a bad idea.  It's Sunday....."  He walked off to get his keys.  That's a better idea than a nap.  Liquor would definitely take those bad thoughts out of his head.

She bounced over to hug Sam.  "Can I help?"

"I'm only doing a crossbow check.  Anna's had her string snap."

"I can help."

"Okay."  They went to finish checking the slayer weapons.  Brenda was clearly bored.  "Did you do your research paper?" he asked when they were done.

"Oops."  She ran off to get it.

"Slow down!  You're going to give her a concussion and she barely has a brain," he called after her.  She did slow down and grin back at him.  He went to find someone else.  Tony was staring at the newly put up list.  "I see someone posted it."

"Dawn."  He looked at him.  "We should yell."

"I'm considering it a compliment even though I lost twenty bucks on my bet that Xander's last female date would go bad."

"She didn't?"

"No.  He went out last weekend with a very nice young woman who's still a good girl."

Tony gave him an odd look.  "Are we sure it was Xander?"

"Yeah.  He went out with the new science teacher at the high school."

"Wow.  That probably even helped him get over that whole shapechanger thing too."

Sam nodded.  "Probably.  Only one guy bet that she'd stay a good girl even after having sex with him."

A few heads looked up at that.  "What are we talking about?" Horatio asked.

"There's a bet going at the demon casinos about which of us Xander will end up with in a more permanent manner.  Dean had to yell his way off the list since he pointed out he's dating Faith."

"Where am I on it?" Calleigh asked.

"There's no women on the list, Calleigh."

"Really?"  She came over to look, giggling.  "Speed's fourth.  Why is Chase above him?"

"They're cute together when they hit the grocery store," Tony said.  "I put up with Xander in a bouncy, babbling mood.  Sam and Xander go out together all the time.  I'm kinda glad the boss isn't on here."

"Gibbs was down to only one vote and Daniel's thought to be already committed," Sam told him.  "I asked."

"Really?"  He looked at the last page of the list and nodded.  "Wow.  Is your father having a migraine?"

"At the bar with Dean.  Dean walked off just now after hearing Xander's last one was still normal."

"Yeah, I can see why."  He let the others see the list.

"I'm cute with Xander but not that much," Ryan complained.

"You also haven't dated," Eric pointed out.  He was down in the one or two votes section he was sure.  "How many do I have?"

"Six."  Eric looked over.  "You're in the longshot category.  Tony's got nearly a thousand bets and Sam's just under him by a few.  Then Chase, Speed, me, Horatio, Connor, Wesley, Sheppard, and a few others.  McKay's not on here so apparently they know he and Abby are serious.  The trio's not on here at all that I can see."

"Mac had one vote but they changed it," Sam told him.  Mac groaned and shook his head from his seat.  "Most demons don't want to break up already established things."

"That's probably a good thing," Tony agreed.  "Poaching makes you a bad guy."

"Why not choose one of the slayers?" Stella asked.

"Xander's past with women is fairly filled with bad girls," Calleigh reminded her.

"Oh, yeah.  Huh.  Maybe some of you guys should go visibly date?"

"I have been," Tony said.  "They still think I'd do it for him."

Xander strolled in and looked at the list.  "They upped your bet, Sam.  You're at number one as of about an hour ago.  One of the demon newspapers called to ask me about why you went up.  They were basing it on how we went on that poltergeist case together."

"I was bored," he complained.

Xander shrugged.  "I don't think they care.  Where's Dean?  I was going to tinker since I don't have anything on my desk but ..."  He looked.  "That envelope?"  He opened it then smirked, walking out to hand it to Daniel.  "Here, you can handle that if you want.  That way you don't have to worry about me sleeping with the next assassin."  He strolled out, heading up to their lab for tinkering.  It was in use so he got what he needed and left to find somewhere more private.  Some of McKay's geeks were rude and nasty and they were all nosy little brats.  He should suggest that Abby spank them for bad behavior.  He ran into Faith.  "I'm going to make new toys."

"Where's Dean?"

"Don't know.  Ask Sam.  He was in the squad room."

She nodded, heading that way.  Danny and Don were having a quiet argument over something in the halls.  So she thoughtfully pushed Danny into Don, making him catch him and her smirk.  "Kiss him and get over it.  Remember, the world could end any day if the slayers take the week off."  She found Sam coming out with a new cup of coffee.  "Where's Dean?"

"Getting drunk in town with Dad thanks to the betting board that has Dad and others ending up with Xander."

"Huh?"

"The demon casino is taking bets about who Xander ends up with.  Dean had to yell his way off the list.  I posted it upstairs."

She went to look it over, cackling at some of their choices.  "Clearly not based on reality," she decided, strolling off.  She could play by herself for a bit.  Then pounce Dean to make his hangover feel better tomorrow.  Binky intercepted her so she went to play with her for a bit too.  The unicorns were really bored today too.  It was a boring day on base if you weren't cataloging weapons from the last pipeline bust.

***

Xander looked at the few names that he hadn't seen before on the list, then over at Sam since they were in the slayers' living room waiting on them for some pre-dinner fun.  "Who's Bobby Singer?"

"One of the hunters we work with a lot.  He's an older guy but he's pretty nice.  Really into research.  Faith and Brenda both like him.  Why?" he asked, still engrossed in his current book.

"There's six votes for me doing him."

Sam looked up slowly, giving him an odd look.  "Excuse me?"  Xander handed over the laptop, letting him see it.  His betting had gone up again.  Bobby and a few other hunters he knew were now on the list.  "Hey, there's a female on the list, but I doubt Jo's your type."  He shook his head and handed it back.  "Don't try it, Xander."

"Fine.  I notice the two demons on the list are still on there."

"Both higher ones too," Sam agreed, going back to his book.  "I looked them up.  They're not on the happy camper scale with us.  I guess they expect you to fix that for the agency."

Xander snickered.  "Or they expect me to take up their generous offer to help me with something?"

"Possibly," he agreed.  "Since there's so few bets, they probably made them themselves to point out their interest."

"No thanks.  Not into begging for favors that way."  He went back to looking over the names.  "After you posted it, how many people went to have a drink?"

"Most of the Miami crew complaining about how Speed needed to date someone nice very soon.  Including Alexx.  They're at her place tonight for a cookout.  Stella is with them.  Mac, Danny, and Don are talking about their last fight tonight.  I don't know what happened but Danny and Don were having one of their arguments in the hallway."

"Probably over that Xander for a day medal someone gave him.  Who I really should spank," he decided with a grin.  He looked up as Faith stopped in front of him.  "They did take Dean off the list."

"Good."  She looked it over, then shook her head.  "Bobby's a nice older guy but I think you'd kill him in bed and drive him nuts otherwise."

"Could be," Xander agreed dryly.  She poked him on the forehead.  "I don't know.  I'm just finding it funny."

"It's nice that this is making a whole lot of agents go find someone new to date," she decided, poking Sam too.  He looked up with a grin.  "The girls are bored."

"We were waiting on them to come down to play board games."

"I think we're too bored for that too," she admitted.

Sam checked his watch.  "It takes two hours to get to the amusement park.  It'll be closed by then."

"Damn."

"Unless Dawn's feeling really generous," Sam added.

Faith beamed, going to get the slayer credit card from Wesley and tell the girls.  Dawn was bored too.  They all portaled to the nearest amusement park.  "Ladies, let's behave and be good," Xander ordered.  "No getting into trouble.  If you ruin my good time you won't be sitting for weeks.  Then Dean and John get you."  They all nodded.  He led the way to the ticket booth, putting down the card.  "Boredom trip," he said at the awed look.  "Nothing's going on around the base."

She gave them the group discount since there were so many.  Then the girls stormed the park and went to find something fun to do.  The older guys, clearly the chaperones, followed, going to their own fun once the credit card was hidden again.  She went on break to tell her boss that the base was there to play tonight.  Maybe he'd move the fireworks up.  The slayers liked explosions, right?

***

Daniel walked into dinner, staring at the empty table.  "Are the girls all grounded?"

House shook his head.  "I went to pull Dawn out for a random check of how she's healing.  One kindly left a note.  Bored, going to have fun, have Xander and Sam with us."

"I have the feeling that they descended on an amusement park," Daniel said dryly.

"Probably," House agreed.  He texted Xander that he had to remember to eat tonight.  He laughed.  "Xander said all the girls are junk food'd out and he had funnel cake for dinner."  Daniel groaned, shaking his head.  "But they'll clean up any leftovers later he was sure."  He put his phone back.  "They're at the amusement park that's nearest.  The small one instead of the major, commercial one that you see advertized."

"That's good to know," Daniel said.  "Someone tell me if you have to go save the slayers."  He looked at the other empty spots.  "Cases?"

"Drinking,"  House said bluntly.  "Sam posted the list of who should date Xander."

"Yeah, that'd do it for me too.  Jack's off having a few beers with Sheppard while they watch the stars tonight."  He got dinner to go, heading out to join them.  The cook was pleased that everyone had taken off for the night.  She had even fixed things to go drinking on so you could soak up the liquor with the food.

House smirked at Chase.  "When are you going to take him out for a test drive?"

"When I suddenly like blokes," he said patiently.  "Since I don't....  And before then I'd hit on Doctor Wilson."  He smirked at House's growl.  "He could use someone nice who'd be supportive of his practice."

"I don't think Wilson's willing to change teams suddenly, Kangaroo."  He walked off with his dinner to call him.  He hadn't talked to him recently and he kept avoiding coming out.  Maybe he'd have Dawn steal him for a few days.

Chase smirked at his evil plan to be left alone tonight.  It had worked well and Wilson knew House was going to be calling tonight.

***

Sam looked at the gathered slayers.  "Anyone see Xander?" he called.  They all shook their heads.

Dawn looked at her phone then texted him.  She smirked at the one she got back.  "He's found a cute girl he's chatting up.  He'll be back by shift tomorrow, Sam."  She opened a portal, letting the tired girls head back to their rooms for the night.  They had worn themselves out running all over the park.

Sam texted Xander and waved at Dawn.   "We'll call."  She nodded, closing the portal.  He went to where Xander was chatting with the girl, finding one of his own.  It was nice to get off base and he needed some new friends too.  Or some stress relief at the very least.  He still wasn't used to being the big brother.

***

Tony sighed as he looked at the slayer table the next morning.  Dean and John were gulping coffee and toast to calm their stomachs.  Like a few other agents were.  "Guys, where's Sam and Xander?"

Abby glared at him.  "I got a flash vision of them having twins in a bathroom.  Other than that I think they're having fun."

Dean nodded, looking disgusted.  "They're being careful, but yeah.  They went to play with some women last night."  John growled.  "They apparently needed it, Dad."  He looked at Tony again.  "I know Xander's back.  I could hear him snoring when I got up.  Sammy wasn't in his bed so I don't know if he's on Xander's couch or not.  I didn't break in to look."

Tony sighed, going to check on them.  Cases would start coming in soon.  He found Sam in Xander's bed and no Xander.  He poked Sam, getting a bleary, tired look.  "Where's your partner in stress relief?"

"Hmm, talking about the agent who was pretending to be a pro so she could fulfill the contract on his life.  The nice officers decided not to arrest him for it, just her.  Then she pulled her badge and they got confused.  Xander stayed to help clear up stuff.  What time is it?"

"Breakfast."

"Crap."  He got up with a groan, looking at himself.  "I'll shower after I eat," he muttered, pulling on his clothes from last night.  He'd ignore the lipstick prints on his chest for now.  Tony gave him a worried look.  "It was stress relief.  We needed a night off too, Tony."  He walked out with him, locking Xander's door behind him.  Those lock picking skills came in handy now and then.  He stumbled all the way to the caf and sat down, taking Dean's coffee to sip at.  "Food?  Any left?" he asked the nearest slayer.  The girls would take good care of him no matter how fuzzy his head was.

"Son, should we have a talk about how you do not do stupid shit?" John demanded.

Sam looked at him.  "Shut up, Dad.  Not like you bitch Dean out for it."  He grabbed the plate Mary made him.  "Thanks, squirt."  He dug in, eating heartily.  "Classes are going to run late so I can shower."

Tony had told Daniel in a hiss what had happened.  Daniel looked over.  "Sam, which officers have Xander?"  Dean and John both choked.  "He's not in trouble.  Yet."

Sam looked up.  "She approached him.  The cop saw it all and waited until Xander was done to come arrest her, Daniel.  Then she pulled her badge because she knew she'd get in trouble for not following through on the contract to take him out."  He ate another bite of egg.

"So he screwed his way out of another assassination attempt?" Stella demanded.  Sam beamed and nodded.  "Where were you?"

"Guarding him."  He grinned.  "But not participating."

"Ohkay then," she decided.  She shuddered.  "Is he in trouble for renting the wannabe assassin-slash-agent?"

"Nope.  They said they don't usually arrest johns.  Just the working girls."  He ate another bite.  "I figured it was sexist of them but I wasn't going to complain at that point."

She smirked.  "I can see why."  Xander strolled in wearing the same clothes.  "Feel better?"

"Yes, I do.  She admitted to their Internal Affairs officer which higher agent told her to come kill me.  They can trace that back and I gave them Fornell's number since she had been FBI.  Hopefully this'll trace all the way back to the idiot in charge."  He looked at Daniel.  "I'm not in trouble for renting attention or getting it in the clubs.  I was very safe, Daddy, and I was a good boy all night.  They're all very nice and still not bad girls...well, except for the former agent I guess, and she said I made her want to be a good girl for me again.  But anyway, I'm not in trouble and their boss said that it was unfair that we were so far in the middle of nowhere since he wanted to set me up with his sister.  So it's still not my bad girl drawing power from that demon taint, just my normal one."  He beamed and got breakfast to go.  "I'll check my desk after I shower."

"Did you get any sleep?" Sam asked.

"No but I'm good.  I had a snickers bar."  He beamed on his way out the door.

Daniel shook his head.  "How does he do that?" he asked House.

House shrugged.  "I don't know.  I've rented attention before but never from an agent who wanted to kill me and turned her back into a good girl again."  He stuffed his mouth before Abby could bop him on the arm for it.

"Xander's very unique," Abby reminded him, bopping House anyway.  "And aren't we all glad?  Because he could be twins or triplets or even quints."

"Abby, it's too early for bad thoughts," Tony complained.

"Fine."  She dug in again.  She was starved.  Rod had kept her up half the night talking about his newest idea between bouts of sex.

House looked at her.  "Do you think you two could set up a white noise generator?" he asked.  "Just so I don't have to hear you squeal over physics again?"  She blushed, ducking her head.  "I don't mind the normal squealing but squealing over particle physics gave me nightmares of your future kids."

She gave him a hug.  "I can do that."  She went back to eating quickly.  She had to tell Rod they had kept House up again.

***

Daniel answered the video call, nodding at the president.  "Yes, sir?"

"Doctor Jackson, how did your man find a ring of agents who subbed as assassins?" he asked patiently.

"He was out renting attention last night.  One of them pretended to get close to him."

"Ah.  He can't...date?"

"He did, sir.  He just needed some stress relief afterward apparently.  He said she propositioned him and he's not in trouble for it.  Apparently the local officer was nice enough to let him have some fun before he arrested her, which was when she announced she was an agent and he made her want to be a good girl again."

The president gave him a long stare.  "Send him somewhere it's legal for vacation?"

"The last time I did that, Xander came back with a realm, sir.  He does date, when he finds someone nice, but he's all for stress relief when he needs it.  He's of the play hard-work hard school of thought I think."

"Make him take a vacation, Daniel."

"Sir, with that contract it's not safe," he complained.  "Even then it won't help all that much since one of the demon casinos has a betting pool going about which agent he'll end up with permanently."

"I don't need to hear that," he complained.

Daniel shrugged.  "It made a number of us take last night off if we didn't have overnight call, sir."

"Had a run on tylenol for the hangovers?" he asked blandly.

"Yes, sir, we did.  Me too actually."

"I can see why.  Let him take a vacation now since you're so slow.  Maybe he'll come back without a case this time."

"He said last time they pulled in after he was already pumping gas in an official vehicle.  It had the agency logo on the side and everything."

"Stupid of them," he decided.  "Send all your problem people on a two week leave, Daniel.  I'm sure you can handle it without him."

"Of course I can but can some other town handle it when someone tries to take that contract, sir?"

"Then send him out in a group."

"I did that his first vacation, with Dean and Sam Winchester.  They were bored in Vegas so he went into that demonic D&D game, sir."

He groaned.  "Fine.  Send him to Antarctica then or something.  Just let him go be quiet and happy somewhere that the press won't hear."

"How did they hear about that?"

"The FBI press person announced that one of your agents had found a ring of people taking assassination contracts.  They were presently arresting the last few this morning.  Which means they'll have the last few next week."

Daniel smirked.  "At least he didn't turn this one evil, sir.  He has that bad habit now and then."

"I don't want to know," he complained, hanging up on him.  He went to take some tylenol for himself.  DCIS gave him such headaches but it was nice all the goofball, sarcastic, and pain in the head agents were together now.  No more infecting normal agencies.  He'd have to make sure whoever followed him kept them all there and together.

Daniel got up, heading out to the squad room.  "I was just ordered by the president that all agents who gave others headaches were to take a *quiet* vacation somewhere they wouldn't get press attention for finding a ring of assassinating agents inside the FBI."

"I don't have that many vacation days, I needed some for sick time after Georgia," Xander said.  "But I'll stay on base to stay out of trouble."  He grinned sweetly.

"It's not just you but you can have a few days if you want.  We can borrow ahead."

"Then I'll end up getting majorly sick," Xander said dryly.  "I'll stay on base out of trouble."

"The president didn't like your rental scheme last night," he told him.

Xander shrugged.  "He goes to the one in Alexandria.  What do I care?"  He gave him a dirty look.  "My dick is none of his concern.  Besides, now I don't need a vacation.  I need a certain senator to leave me alone.  For good."  He got back to work.  "But by all means, send Tony on one.  He hasn't had a real vacation in a while."

Tony grinned.  "Nice sucking up attempt, Xander, but it won't let me let you go on that arms bust next week."

Xander stuck his tongue out.  "It's my case.  If you try to divert it around me you'll need someone who knows artillery, which means pulling Jack from the armory and then he'll be exposed and have to deal with the same cranky person who clearly needed a weekend off as well.  Mac's good and Horatio's good, but this is current military issue weapons being sold."

"By?" Mac asked.

"A few of the dealer clans I know.  That's why they called me."  He got up and gave Daniel a hug on his way out the door.  "Be back in a few days, boss.  Gotta go save some demonic pawn shop guys from selling things that're being offered to them."

"Stay out of trouble and off the news," he called after him.

"I always try.  You guys are the ones who spread it around when I've had problems on a case," he called back, waving over his shoulder.  He walked into the yard, looking at the girls doing PT.  He cleared his throat.  "I'm going to Cleveland on a case."  They all groaned.  "Behave or else."

"Yes, Xander," they called then grinned.

"Need slaygal support?" Faith called.

"Nope.  Dealer clans are being offered stuff."  He went to get keys and a bag from his apartment, heading for the airport.  He could take a normal flight this time.  It wasn't a team case and they only had one plane around the base.

Dean shook his head.  "Someone warn them he's going to be local for a case, but it's not bad."

Dawn texted that and then got back to her pushups.  She still hated PT but it was good for her.  Plus it gave her a body the guys liked to look at.

"Mind out of the gutter," Sam said as he walked past.

"Freaky, creepy powers off, Sammy," Dean called after him.  "Dawn, mind out of the gutter."

She smirked.  "It wasn't that close to it."  She got back to work.  "I think it's because the girls were staring at him not wearing a shirt.  We hardly ever see Sam without a shirt on."

"True."  Dean looked after him.  "Must be needing something for a cut."  He shrugged and watched them get back to it.  A few of the military guys were getting ready for their time with him.  "Don't you guys start training with Sammy today?"  They all groaned and nodded.  "We can switch PT back so you can do it afterward if you want."

"We'll have headaches then," one told him.

"Better to do it now," Sheppard agreed.  "Then we'll clear our minds somehow later on."  The girls finished up and stretched, giving them the practice yard to work out in.  Sheppard looked around.  "PT!" he bellowed.  The others who were missing came running.  He did a head count.  "We're missing another three people not in the infirmary?"

"Sir, they're in the testing area helping move things for the botanists," one said.

"Fine.  They can do a jog afterward.  Get to it."  He got into line to do his own.  He needed to.  He'd get fat with all the decent food and lack of life-threatening exercise he had down here.

***

Buffy called Wesley's desk.  "Hey, Wes, where's Xander?"  She listened.  "No, he sent the artillery back through a contact of Gibbs', who's here, and then he seemed to disappear.  No, like we blinked and he was gone.  I was kinda hoping that Dawnie stole him for a problem out there."  She grimaced.  "No, huh?  Well, call around.  See who wanted him to date them this time."  She sighed.  "Really?  Not bad at all?  Wow.  What possessed him this time?"  Gibbs snickered at that.  "Did you know that Xander dated a girl who wasn't bad and didn't turn bad afterward?"

"The new science teacher.  He was getting over that Ms. French thing."

"Wow.  And therapy too.  Maybe Spenser's going to become a God in some strange psychology blighted pantheon.  Oh, well.  If you find Xander let us know."  She hung up.  "He has no idea where he might be either."

"Have you tried to call him?"

"I got voicemail."

"Damn."  He called Daniel.  "It's Gibbs.  Harris was here and now he's vanished.  We have no idea.  His phone's going to voicemail.  Buffy's not sure.  Literally looked away then back and he was gone, yeah.  No clue.  Thanks, Jackson."  He hung up.  "He'll call around to see if any of their contacts might have him."

"That's good.  Though it's still mean that he didn't let us play with the artillery."  She walked him off.  "Do you like uptight budget woman?"

"She'll relax soon, Buffy.  I know the agency she worked for.  They were on a very tight budget.  We're not."  She nodded, accepting that.  Because the girls would drive her insane if she didn't lighten up soon.  She had even told them they couldn't go out for ice cream last night after patrol.  How fair was that?  Gibbs went over the local scouting reports, finding a few interesting things.  "Who're these, Buffy?  I haven't seen them before."

She looked then pointed.  "That one put himself on the betting board to date Xander.  The other two are his minions.  That one's about at D'Hoffryn's level but he's not so bad.  He was down looking for his son, who came down to date a human girl that he didn't approve of.  The other we had to write Thomas about.  He said he's harmless to us but to leave him alone before we annoy him and he sneezes us off the planet."

"Good to know."  He made those notes for Wesley and faxed them back.  Someone had to know that higher demons were in Cleveland without Rosenburg's help.

***

Xander walked out of the portal and sneered.  "Don't do it again.  I'll destroy you."  He pushed a button and they went boom.  The portal snapped shut and he walked off, handing their armory master the switch he had used since he was staring in confused horror at him.  "The Libyans said hi.  They're not happy.  Pity."  He went up to the main office, leaning in by bracing himself on the doorway.  "The Libyans decided I was a gun runner instead of an agent.  Pity but the guy I found over there who was JAG had an idea who to call to come get their shit.

"I just blew their compound once all their stolen and bought crap was missing.  The Libyans who had me were watching in cuffs.  When I muttered about wishing I had Bauer there they said to tell him hi, so I did on the way up, but they're in CIA custody.  They said they'd forward a report and they were very sorry I got kidnaped from Cleveland by an idiot among them who thought I'd be a good bargaining chip to get deeper into them to end them."  He walked off, heading down to the infirmary.  "House, I need some stitches," he called before walking in.  House was pulling on gloves and had a stitching pack out.  "Stupid idiots who thought I was a weapons dealer," he almost pouted.

House stared at him.  He would not throw a fit on the boy for being missing almost a week.  Everyone had been frantic but Xander was clearly stressed and angry.  Asking for stitches was almost like asking for a hug from him.  "Why are you covered in sand?"

"I was in Libya."

"Why?"

"They decided I was an arms dealer.  Well, someone in the CIA decided I was an arms dealer and gave me to them as a bargaining chip to get deeper into their graces so they could supposedly bust them down.  Pity."  House groaned.  "Danny knows.  Can I hose off down here?"

"Go for it.  We have scrubs that'll fit you."  Xander went to the decontam shower to do that.  House got him scrubs to wear so they could stitch him closed again.  He wasn't going to go anywhere near the main office until one of them came down for headache medicine.  He would give Xander the gentle attention he wanted though.  He'd even be nice and force the boy to let him use local anesthesia on him before doing his stitches.

***

Out in the armory, Jack called a friend.  "I heard my name invoked?" he asked dryly.  "Yes, I'm alive.  Doing good."  He closed the door before the giggling could carry through to cut into her ranting and screaming at him.  "Chloe, I'm fine.   Really.  No, I heard I got wished for by Agent Harris out of DCIS because someone on our side sold him to some Libyans?"  He listened to the rundown of that situation.  "That explains where he's been for the last week.  Yes, I do know Xander.  I worked with him on that bomb, remember?  He's a nice guy.  A bit warped but pretty decent.  He even gave me plans for a new bomb someone wanted him to build."

He listened.  "Is there any trouble coming his agency's way?  No, I'm not going to tell you where I am and this is a shielded line so don't even bother to do a trace."  He listened.  "No, I'm not coming back.  I'm kinda bored where I am but I'm helpful and needed.  Otherwise Harris would have to leave his normal job to take mine over."  He listened to her splutter.  "Good.  No, he's fine.  Looked like hell but walking and complaining.  Let me know if something's coming DCIS's way.  Because a few of the slayers are neat girls," he said, spotting Anna staring in there.  He shook his head so she stayed quiet.  "Thanks, Chloe.  Yeah, I'm having fun."  He hung up.  "What?"

"I need crossbow work and Gibbs is with Buffy."

"I can do that.  Let me talk to Daniel first.  Get stuff down there."  She nodded, grabbing her stuff to go down to the target area.  Jack jogged upstairs, finding him on a video call.  He waved from the doorway, making Daniel put them on hold.  "The agent who did it is in deep crap.  They said they're very sorry that they screwed with you and only political foot stomping like a teenage girl is going on.  Even the president was not happy and complained to the head of the CIA about his agent doing that.  Is Xander all right?"

"Stitches I think.  What happened?"

"An agent decided he'd be a good chip to bargain with since somehow the cartel they were going after decided he dealt and sold weapons instead of busted weapons pipelines.  The agent heard them wondering about him so he procured him and gave him as a gift to get deeper in their graces.  Supposedly he was working his way inside to bust them."  Daniel nodded once at that.  "Xander threw a girl fit.  A loud, hopping and screaming girl fit.  Not even Mary can throw a fit like that sort of fit.  They tried to beat him into submission but he managed to get free and hide in their compound for a few days.  He got another person free and they contacted their contacts since he was JAG.  The JAG guy got someone there to bust the compound and the weapons.  Xander then blew up the compound once everyone and everything was out of it."  He smirked.  "At first they were going to be nice and offer him a daughter for an alliance marriage.  They didn't like that he said no."

"Uh-huh.  Who's going to complain?"

"No one unless they're stupid.  The agent who handed him over is headed to prison.  His boss who told him it was all right is going too."  He smirked evilly.  "Xander sent away the three demons that came to help him.  Said they weren't bad enough to need that sort of help."

"Over confidence is bad for him too," he sighed.

"They probably would've wanted something for the help, Daniel."

"Maybe.  Fine.  Any other cheery news?"

"He handed me the trigger he used."  He left, going down to their miniature range area to help Anna with her crossbow skills.

Daniel took the calls off hold, staring at the head of the CIA.  "How many years is your person going to get for selling my agent?" he asked dryly.  The man started to splutter.  "Life?  That's good.  That might save him from all those who like and respect Xander eating them."  He looked at the president.

"We're very sorry, Daniel.  If we had any idea we would have stopped it."

"It's a damn good thing that Xander's so resourceful, sir.  I'd hate to have the slayers go insane over this and go invade Libya to get him back.  Not that they won't invade to kick their butts now, but we can hopefully stop that one."

"If we had more information from them, it might help stop others," he offered.

"Xander waited until they got all the information and everyone out of there before he blew it up, sir.  Let's be thankful he turned down the demonic help that was offered or we'd have a lot of international calls coming your way for this."  The president blanched.  "They might've wanted him to trade favors later on so he turned them down and saved a JAG member who was also captive from what my people have heard."

"How did they hear so fast?" the head of the CIA sneered.

"Our armory master used to be a covert agent," he said smugly.  The man shuddered.  "He called to check.  That's why you went on hold."  He looked at the president again.  "Am I going to need to tell our doctors to give Xander any strange inoculations or to watch him in case he was drugged, sir?  We all know Xander will brush it off as nothing."

"You know, we could use someone with his skills and contacts in covert service," the president said smugly.

"Sir, his parents were drunks," he said bluntly.  "You won't get him to leave the slayers.  And if you try to force it somehow using this, he'll destroy people.  Then cackle and walk off to pick up a new bad girl to date."  The president shuddered.  "Leave my people alone, sir.  With all due respect, just let us do what we have to do.  You, the CIA, all of it.  If we have stuff for them, we'll forward it through a mutual source."  He hung up on them, leaning back to calm his temper down.  It would be bad to ask Jack to go blow up a building with one of their spaceships.  It really would.

Jack leaned in, looking at him.  "The kid's pouting at House why?"

"Someone in the CIA sold him as a bargaining chip to some Libyans.  Have....  Never mind, let me check on him."  He got up and walked off.  "Fargo, listen for my system to ring.  People are pissed that they tried to use Xander and got what was coming to them.  If they get snotty with you, threaten to send the slayers down their throats for getting Xander tortured."  He headed down in the elevator, coming out and walking up the hall to the infirmary.  He tipped Xander's face up.  "I'm glad you got free, Xander, but next time take the demonic help if you need it."  Xander nodded, staring at him.  "Do you need to talk about the torture stuff?  I've been there before you know."

"Nah, I'm good," he said quietly.  "But if they come back I get to spaz out and just kill them, right?"

"Yes you do.  Especially if someone wants you to go covert service like Jack was."  Xander shuddered.  "That's my agent."  He grinned at the boy.  "I'm glad you're all right and remember you can talk to me if you need to."

"They didn't try very hard, Danny.  I got worse from my father."

"I know."  He gave him a hug, letting the boy relax.  "You did good.  If we had known I would've let the slayers invade to get you back," he said quietly, cracking Xander up.  He pulled back to look at House.  "Just stitches and bruises?"

"So far.  He could probably use a few days off."

"The government probably took my vacation time for my time there," Xander said dryly.

"I'll make sure they didn't."  He ruffled his hair.  "Get a trim sometime soon, Xander.  It's getting long and shaggy."  He smiled then left him alone to check on his file in the system.  Which he had to reload and put back but that was fine.  He called Abby.  "I need you to deal with whoever took Xander's file out of the system.  Do whatever your little evil mind tells you to, Abby.  Because someone sold him to some Libyans and I won't have it."  He hung up on her swearing fit.  Yeah, she'd have fun and McGee would help her hack them.

***

Abby quit swearing, noticing Rodney was giving her horrified looks.  "Some *idiot* agent sold Xander to some Libyans and then took his file out of the official system.  Daniel told me to fix that for him."  She called a number.  "I need hackers."  She hung up and got to work finding who had done it.  She cackled evilly and got to work destroying them.  She had gotten to go over all the things that Willow had as well as learned other new ways of destroying things as a hacker over the years.

"Abigail, should I get you a Caf-Pow?" Rodney asked cautiously.

She pulled him closer to kiss.  "That'd be very sweet of you, Rod."  She grinned.  "Thank you for supporting me while I destroy someone."  He nodded and left quickly to warn others that she was going bad.  Surely Tony knew how to calm her down?

Tony and McGee came up a few minutes later with snacks and drinks for her.  "How bad are we making it?" Tony asked.

"So very, very bad.  They hurt the Xander!  They should pay!"

"They should," McGee agreed, coming over to help.  "I know he was walking."

"He's in the infirmary," Tony told him.  "Still walking but I think he needed stitches."  Abby growled and got to work on another site.  McGee winced at that and tried to help but she swatted him so he went back to her original hacking job to finish it for her.   McGee gave him a look so he called Gibbs.  "It's me.  We found Xander after the Libyans gave him back.  Some idiot agent thought he'd be a good chip, boss.  Fine, walking and in the infirmary but fine."  He listened.  "Abby's snarling while typing.  McGee's helping.  I got snacks.  Sure, thanks, boss."  He hung up.  "He said don't get caught, guys."  He left, locking them in there until their evil fix was done with.  "She won't be stopped until they beg, McKay.  They touched someone she likes as a little brother.  Remember this in case they ever try to hurt you.  You'll have to calm her down."  He went to get Xander.  "Hey," he said when he found him on a bed.  "Abby's hacking in revenge for taking you.  She's down to snarling and growling."

"I'll go thank her later."

"Try for sooner instead of really later?  Otherwise she might bring down that whole agency."

"I can do that."  He grinned slightly.  "I'm okay.  You can tell her that."

"Call and tell her that, Xander.  She's in scary mode over this."  He gave him a pat on the arm.  "Need anything to read?"

"I'm good.  I've had worse from vamps."

"Okay."  He smiled.  "Let us know if you need stuff."

"I'll make it to dinner.  Make sure the girls don't go spastic and help her."

"I'll tell Sam that."  He went to do that.  "We found Xander.  He's all right, needed a few stitches.  Abby's taking care of the vengeance duties," he said in Sam's ear.  "He said to keep the girls from going spastic about this."  Sam nodded, looking at him.  "He'll be fine."

"Good."  He went back to his teaching latin.

Tony went to talk to Daniel.  "You made her go so scary she creeped out McKay, boss."

"It'll be fine.  They're complaining that Xander got free."  He smirked.  "I'm about to order an air strike from the Dadelus."

"That'd be mean to the innocents there."

"Which is why I haven't yet."

"Good to know."  Tony went back to his desk wondering why he was in the alternate scary world all of a sudden.  Xander always had to travel or fall asleep to change realities.

***

Daniel walked out the next morning to meet the helicopter coming in to land.  The unicorns were watching it.  "Stay away from it, guys.  It can hurt you."  They bleeted and went running for Anna.  She'd protect them.  Anna peeked out of the armory.  "Keep them in there with you for now, Anna."

She looked at the helicopter then at him.  "It won't save them from being horned up the backside."  She closed them in.  Jack had disappeared.  She grinned.  "Good idea.  It's got a presidential seal," she called.  She went back to her gun cleaning lessons.

Daniel nodded politely when the president and his two guards got off the helicopter.  "Sir."

"Doctor Jackson.  Is there somewhere we can talk to the vengeance team you seem to have on staff that we don't have paperwork on?"

"Abby's in the lab, sir."  He smirked.  "She thinks of Xander like a little brother.  Xander's out of the infirmary and somewhere around here helping one of the girls with a personal problem."  He quirked up an eyebrow in a questioning look.  "We have one who's pregnant.  She started to have cramps so Doctor Chase said for Xander to help her work on her leg cramps.  He's probably in the slayer building but I can't be sure."

"That's fine.  I'll apologize to him in a minute, son.  Let's go calm down Miss Scuito, please?"

"Sure."  He led them up to the lab, tapping before walking in.  "Abby, visitor," he called when he didn't see her.  She leaned out of a closet, clearly half dressed.  "I'd redo the buttons," he mouthed, nodding at the guard behind him that she could see.

"Give me another minute.  Rod's looking at a scar on my back that's got some fluid swelling for some reason."  She slammed the door.

The president gave Jackson an amused look.  "Her and McKay?"

"Yes, sir.  They're very serious.  We're all looking forward to when she becomes a married lab goddess and starts to think about motherhood.  I've even volunteered to help teach the child languages."

The president shuddered.  "Those kids are going to be too smart for everyone," he muttered.

"Not that we consider that a problem," she said as she came out doing up her last button.  "Sorry but an old scar had some fluid swelling and I didn't want to bother the docs.  He was lancing it to relieve it before it got infected.  What can I do for you, sir?  Here to see what new things I've found forensically?"

He stared at her.  "No, Miss Scuito, I'm here to apologize to Agent Harris for that agent's stupidity and hoping I can talk you into not making any more agents' lives a living hell."

She shrugged.  "That depends on them, doesn't it," she said bluntly.  "Not like I told any of the demons who like and respect Xander, sir."

He shuddered.  "No but I do think they heard."

"Xander turned down offers of help from three of them thinking that they might want future favors in return," Daniel told him.  "Abby, can you find Xander for him to apologize to?  Last time I knew he was helping Brenda with her leg cramps."

"I can do that."  She bounced into her lab to call him.  "It's me.  The president and his two statues are here to apologize to you.  Up here.  Sure."  She hung up.  "It'll be a bit.  Brenda's having a crying fit on him.  She couldn't fit into her favorite outfit today."

"I remember my wife having that problem," one guard told her.  "Is she all right?"

"So far she's very healthy.  We're all making sure she's all right.  It's a mood swing.  They happen.  I'm not looking forward to them far in the future."  She smiled at Daniel.  "But if you want to teach me languages I wouldn't mind."

He smiled.  "I can do that.  You can join any of the language lessons, Abby."  Rodney walked in and got back to work.  "Sir, have you met Doctor McKay yet?"

"No, not yet, but I've heard about some of his work.  It's nice that you can work with us, son."

Rodney looked at him.  "It's not a problem, sir.  They needed my brilliance there."

"So I've heard.  Any idea if  your team can go back yet?"

"Not that we're aware of.  The remote monitoring we have up is still showing a high contamination of that air particle."

"That's fine then.  I'm sure we'll work it out by filtering or something."

"If we could get the shields to filter it out, it might help," Abby told him, getting a smirk back and he got to work figuring out how to do that.  "Good idea, sir.  It's good to know that you can do more than get along with foreign leaders."

The president gave her a dirty look.  "I do much more than that, young lady."

She smirked.  "We're all the way out here so we don't have to deal with politics," she reminded him.

"I can see how that'd be handy.  Even I try to get away from it now and then."  Xander walked in.  "Agent Harris, I'm here to apologize for the idiot's stupidity and for his boss too."

Xander stared at him.  "How many others got it, sir?" he asked quietly.  The Secret Service agents flinched.   "The JAG guy I freed was given the same way."

"We already apologized to him since he was local, son.  It won't happen again if I have a say about it."

Xander nodded.  "Then I'll accept."

"Did you have to blow it up after they were all arrested?"

"Yes.  That way no one else could use it and no one gets a bad idea about trying to follow the bad example."  He stared him down.  "Nothing says 'I'll gut you and play in your intestines if you try to do what they did' like blowing up everything they held dear.  Including their artwork collections.  Plus this means they only have the stuff you can confiscate in a bank account to get back on their feet and try again."

"Understood, son.  I know many agents who'd do the same thing."  He looked at him.  "Are you all right?"

"I've had worse from vampires and my own parents, sir.  Doesn't make it right."  He looked at Daniel.  "Why don't I have any work?"

"House said you can't work today.  You need to rest."

"I'm fine!"

"I don't care.  Go argue with House.  He put you on medical leave, Xander."  He nodded, going to do that.  He looked at the president.  "As long as it doesn't happen again I'm sure we'll all be more than happy to let those people who did it turn themselves in so they can take deals to go to a nicer prison than Gitmo, sir."

"Point, Jackson," he said blandly, giving him a look.  "He's already going to jail.  So is his boss."

"We found these others that it's been done to," Abby said, handing over a list.  "We don't know if they're still able to be saved, sir."  She smiled sweetly.

"I'll have someone get them if we can, Miss Scuito.  It's clear you learned how to negotiate from Gibbs, young lady."

She smirked at him.  "I learned from Ducky, sir.  Gibbs would've went and saved them while he used your credit card to pay for it."  She went back to work.  "Daniel, Connor's getting me more of the purple sparkly stuff that explodes but he says it's going to be expensive to get enough to run tests on."

"You've got a small budget surplus.  How expensive?"

"About half a mil for a good fifty pounds, all  hermetically sealed in individual pounds to keep it from going bad?" she said, looking hopeful.  "It's actually the biological deposits of some demons."

He considered it.  "Get half that.  That'll take up your budget surplus.  If we have money for more it'll be apparent in a few months.  If you do make it into exploding tipped bullets, Jack might want to get that formula too."

She beamed and bounced some.  "Sure!  Dean thinks he can with what we had and the restrictions we already know about it.  He thinks you'd have to vacuum pack the tip though."

"How hard is that?" the president asked.

She shrugged.  "I don't make bullets.  You'd have to ask him, sir."  She glanced at the clock then at him.  "He's off doing military PT for Colonel Sheppard's people at the moment."

"I'll talk to him then."  He looked at Daniel.  "How did this come to our attention?"

"Someone sent us a sample at first," Abby said.  "Then a demon clan took Xander, they wanted Fargo but Xander said to take him instead, to build them a bomb with it.  He came back with the bomb's schematics and made them want to go back to the honorable old ways that were a lot more Klingon than the modern were."

He just nodded at that.  "Is it useful in other areas?"

"It's easily contaminated by the air," McKay told him.  "If it's contaminated it won't explode but if it's highly contaminated it can turn into a gas when set off that will make people much happier.  Like an acid trip I'm told."

"I see.  When were you going to share this?" he asked her.

"When we knew more about it.  It's not readily available and our arms master said he never heard of it.  He'd know if it was black market."

"That's good.  Who did you hire?" he asked Daniel.

"He said he'd shoot me if I told you, sir."

"I see."  He stared him down.  "Where is Jack?"

"That's not the name he gave us, sir."

"Uh-huh.  Fine.  I'll let him hide here.  I suppose he's doing good work with your group."

"He's done very good work with us.  He even understands Xander quite well."  That got a shudder from an agent.  "He also does all our equipment checking in.  Plus he jokes he helps save the world just as often with us as he did in his last job, but now he's semi-retired and back to teaching from his experiences instead of killing his joints by being in the lead."

"I'm sure the slayers like that about him."

"A few like to pinch him," McKay told him with a smirk.  "They think he's hot since he has weapons."

"Well, they are teenage girls," Abby reminded him.  "One thinks you are too.  A few wanted to hit on John but I made them stop."  She pinched him on the cheek with a grin.  "You lucky boy."

"He'd appreciate that."

"Tiff threw a fit when she heard.  Told them he had earned their respect and affection that way instead of perving on him because he had a tight butt.  She gave a Xander-style lecture and it worked pretty well."

"We do like how she's grown up."  He gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek.  "We'll eat with them tonight?"

"Okay," she agreed, beaming at him.

"Let us know when the wedding is so we can send a nice present," the president said, walking Daniel off to talk to him about other things somewhere less lust charged.  He looked out the window at the yelling.  "What are they doing?"

"It appears the girls got bored and decided to sneak attack the military guys," Daniel said.  "Looks like they stole their weapons and are making them try to get them back, sir."

Xander walked outside, whistling sharply.  "Unless you've been cleared to use those, give them back!" he shouted over the yelling military guys.  He looked at Sheppard and Dean.  "Are your guys that woosy that they're scared of women with guns?"

"Apparently," he said.  "Ladies, please?"

Dean cleared his throat.  "Ladies, they're only P-90s.  They're crappy guns.  Give them back," he ordered.  Someone blew in the main gate.

Xander ducked into the infirmary while the girls shot at them.  Xander came out and threw something at the car, making it explode.  "Try it again, asshole!  This makes your third attempt and you're pissing me off now so you'd better fucking well beg!" he yelled.  The demons got out of the car and fell to their knees begging.  "There, something the military can do.  Go gather them for the agents, guys.  Please."  He looked at the girls.  "Give back their puny guns and I'll find artillery to teach you guys tonight."  They handed them back and came to beg for what to look over and pet this time.  "We have one of those in the apocalypse closet," he admitted.  "After dinner and before the movie night."  They squealed and went to tell the others.  He looked at Sheppard.  "Want us to train your guys too?" he asked with a shiteating grin.

John gave his guys a disgusted look.  "No, I'll get to kick their butts over this for weeks.  Thanks anyway, Xander."

"If they're here I'm doing sword practice on Saturday, and it's mandatory for all base personnel in case it comes in handy."  He walked off to help arrest them.  Horatio came running out with his weapons.  Mac and Calleigh were right behind them.  "It's the guys who want their drug dealing little buddies, guys.  Relax.  They're begging because they pissed me off."

Daniel came out to look at them.  "Nice shooting, ladies.  Xander, nice grenade toss.  Next time try for a bit more circumspect when the higher ups are here?"

"The president's here," he told the pouting military guys.  "They're sorry they stole your guns.  Geez, grow up!  You pout worse than the girls do."  He handed over the guys.  "It was their third attempt, Danny.  They're begging now."

"Good.  Go get a snack, Xander.  We can do the arrest forms."  Xander beamed and went to do that with the girls who had fired on them.  He looked at Sheppard.

"Don't look at me.  We couldn't get them to give the guns back.  Xander promised them artillery petting time later on if they would.  They're going to be drilled for *months* over this, Jackson."

"Good.  Because the president was amused.  He actually laughed at the girls playing keep away with their guns."  He walked back inside.  "Let me know if we have problems, Mac."

"Sure, Daniel."  He looked at Horatio and Calleigh, then at the demons.  "It was stupid to piss Xander off so soon after we got him back," he said in the common demon language they all learned.

"Back?" one asked.

"An agent tried to use Xander to get some bad guys to go down.  Handed him over to some of them," Calleigh told him.

They stared at her then at each other.  "They'll pay for doing that to him!  He's one of those that even the great ones want!"  They went meekly.  They'd tell that to their clansmen when they were allowed to call them to tell them they'd been arrested.  No one did that to their great one.  It was his right to kick their butts but no one else could have him!

Mac walked them past the president.  "Sorry they did this during your tour, sir.  They're going to apologize.  Aren't we?"

"We did not mean to do this when higher ups could see," one said in accented english.  "The Great One rightly kicked our tails for it, sir."

"That's good to know.  I accept and hope you don't try to invade the base again, people."  They nodded and were led down to the jail so they could be booked in.  He looked at Daniel.  "Great One?"

"Xander is seen as one," he pointed out.  "He's stopped a lot of problems by helping the slayers.  Even before we were formed."  He shrugged.  "He's part of the slayer mythology now.  He brought Buffy back to life by himself once and then helped the second time.  He managed her battles for her when she needed him to.  He helped bring down the Initiative."  The president moaned.  "He's got a lot of respect from them, sir.  They know he only shows up when it's a weapons case or a bad thing.  The same as most agents do."  The Secret Service guys nodded at that.  "See, even they know Xander only shows up when it's a problem."

"Yes, sir, if we see him on a case, especially a team case, we know it's going to be bad and to avoid it but help him if he requests materials," one told him.

The president looked at him.  "Not physical help?"

"Secret Service agents aren't well suited to dealing with the demonic, sir.  Unless it's a situation where we need to help by firing weapons, we'd only be in the way," the other said.

"That's reasonable."  He looked at Daniel.  "Maybe your official motto should be 'better you than us'."

"We like our current one, sir, but we do have it on our t-shirts that we only wear around base.  Abby had them made on our first year anniversary."

The president smirked at him.  "That's good to know.  How's your jail doing?"

"Nearly full.  We're looking at how to expand it right now."

"Can you?"

"Yes, sir.  We can build on more wings.  It won't be that hard.  We can even offer the few earth demons we have in residence some time off their sentences to help us.  None have done things that were *too* bad."

"Good to know.  Anything on that other project?"

"They're still fixing the wall that got caved in during the last attempted assault.  That's why the botanists are going evil in our testing area with our little shrub demon."

"Shrub demon?" one guard asked.

He led them out to look at them.  The unicorns were playing with Anna outside.  Apparently someone had kicked her out of the armory again.  George was sunning himself while the botanists checked him for new buds and leaf blight or something.  Personally, he and Jack O'Neill thought they were having way too much fun playing with George.  "This is George.  He and the stray cats who hang around the base were the slayers' first pets.  George, this is our president and two of his guards."

The shrug turned to wiggle his branches in their direction.  Then he went back to being petted by the strange humans.

Daniel smiled.  "He's a very smart little shrub.  Guys, if you spoil George, the girls will pounce and beat you because they can't spend that much time petting him during the school year."

They pouted.  "But we have nothing to do," one complained.

"We have a lab, people.  Go use it."  They ran to do that.  George seemed to sigh but Anna jogged over to give him a careful hug so he went to sun himself while watching them play tag.  Daniel smirked at him.  "They've been a bit bored, sir.  Sorry."

"It's all right.  I'm sure this base is a small letdown from the usual finding of new things that they do on their home base."  He walked off with his guards, heading back to the helicopter.  "Show up next week with plans on how to expand the prison and your budget, Daniel.  So far you look like you're handling it all right."

"Thank you, sir."  He waved as they took off.  "Ass kisser," he muttered before going back inside.  It was nice his agents had told him Xander was scary enough to need a personal apology.  He found Xander watching.  "It won't happen again if they can help it."

"He doesn't know the ground-level goings on," he pointed out, looking at his friend and boss.

"True, but if he hears about it he can stop it."

"Good.  I'd hate for someone else to be treated like that or like they did to Jack."  He walked off.  "Jack's still hiding in the kitchen having lunch with Brenda."

"Good to know."  He went to check on him.  "He did think you're here but he decided that it's good you're passing on your experiences to the slayers so they can keep saving the world while you feel old."

"I'll help if there's an apocalypse," he pointed out dryly.

"We know that.  By the way, Xander took one of the grenades."

"I heard.  They do it again?"  Daniel nodded.  "Pity but they're stupid."  Brenda nodded at that, stuffing her mouth.  "He gone?"

"Yup and Anna's outside playing for a change."

"Good.  She needs it."  He went back to his lunch.

Daniel went back to his office to make notes.  They really did need to expand the prison some.  There was a note from the head guard that said they only had two open cells in the magically null section.  All the rest were in use.  Fortunately LA had their own jail now set up so they could ship all the cases from there back there.  He sat down to call out there to arrange it.  That'd free up a good fifth of the prison.

***

"That damn crackhead gopher!" Xander shouted.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  A Play Day on Base.

"That damn crackhead gopher!" Xander shouted.

Dean looked over from his spot on the couch.  Sam looked over from his comfy spot at the table with his laptop.  Then they looked at each other.  And shrugged.  Who knew with Xander sometimes?

"Xander, are you playing a game based on Caddyshack?" Sam called.

"No!  This damn crackhead gopher won't leave me alone!  Dean, I'm being haunted!"

"Gophers don't have souls," Dean called back.  "They can't haunt you, Xander."

"It's clearly not real since I tried to kill it and it disappeared!" he shouted.  "Come get this thing, Dean!  Now!"

Dean got up and went over there.  "Why can't you kill it?"

"I tried, but it disappeared."  He huffed.

"You're sounding like one of the girls," Dean taunted.  "Even with the calling the better hunter over to kill something for you, dude.  Calm down.  It's not going to eat you."

"It ate all my twinkies!  Then the fucking thing laughs.  It's clearly a curse for me to turn into Bill Murray."

Dean looked at the creature on the kitchen counter.   "It's not a gopher, it's a squirrel."

"How would I know?  Not like Sunnydale was *rural* or anything."  He looked at the thing.  "Are you sure it's not a gopher?  It seems like a demented gopher."

"Yeah.  I've hunted and eaten some of them, Xander."

"Eww."

Dean patted him on the back. "They're not bad."

"Still disgusting, Dean."

"You're whining, Xander."

"Then kill the damn thing for me!  I can't since it keeps disappearing."

Tony leaned in, already grinning.  "Why are we having a Caddyshack moment?"

Dean pointed at the squirrel.  "He thought it was a gopher and it ate all his twinkies."

"It moved in last night and it keeps tearing into my stuff like the one on the movie.  It's possessed or it's haunting me because I can't kill the thing."  He threw his dagger at it and it did seem to disappear.  "See!  It's haunting me.  It's evil!"

"Now you sound like Anya," Sam said as he joined them.  "Didn't she have a thing about bunnies?"  Xander grimaced but nodded.  "Aww, it's a squirrel."

"I don't care what it is.  Get it out of my twinkies and out of my clothes and out of my apartment!"

"Sure, calm down, Xander," Sam ordered.  "Tony, can you please get the gun for us?  It's on Dean's bed."

"That's kinkier than I thought you were," Tony joked but he went to get it for them.

"I was cleaning it and fell asleep on top of it," Dean called after him.  "I've never been desperate enough to use that as a convenient hole."  He moved closer, spotting it.  "Call the guards to tell them it's not a problem."  Tony handed the gun to Sam then guarded the door.  Sam tossed it over, letting Dean catch it, checking for a shell.  He cocked it and aimed, shooting at the thing.  And it wasn't there.  "Huh.  Maybe we're wrong and squirrels do have souls so they can haunt you."

"See!" Xander said.

"C'mon, Xander.  We'll let Dean shoot up your apartment so you can calm down."  Guards came stomping off the elevator.  "A squirrel is haunting Xander and eating his twinkies."  The guards stared then one giggled.

"It's not funny!" Xander complained.

"It is," Sam said with a grin.  He took Xander's dagger when the squirrel popped up out of hiding.  Dean had to get more ammo and switched to one of Xander's guns since they were there and he had bullets for them.  He took another shot.  The squirrel ran for the door.  Sam tried to get it.  No luck.  The guards all shrieked when it tried to run up them to hide.  A few of the girls, including Faith came off the elevator.  "It's a squirrel.  Shut our doors, Tony."  He went to do that.  Having it in the hallway was easier.  "No one call the elevator."  They stared at the little creature.

Dean looked at it.  "Dude, move so it runs down to the floor," Dean ordered.  The guard did that and the squirrel tried to climb in his shirt.  The guard swatted at it until it jumped off him and onto Faith, who shrieked and batted at it.  "It's just a squirrel," he shouted.  "Put it onto the floor!"  She got free of the evil thing and Dean shot it.  He realized he only had rock salt shells but that was fine.  He picked it up to check over.  "It'll live.  It's a bit banged up but it'll be fine.  The salt didn't pierce the fur."

"Get it out of the building!" Xander ordered.  "Before it decides to eat more than my boxers and my twinkies."

Faith gave him an odd look.  "It's demonic?"

"No, it's a squirrel," Sam told her.  He took the thing outside, carrying it out to the fence and putting it on top of it.  It'd be safe up there until it was able to scamper off.  The guard doing patrols with the K-9 demon dog gave him an odd look.  "It snuck into Xander's apartment.  He had a fit.  It ran over the guards who came up to see what Dean was shooting at, making them have a fit.  Then it ran up Faith, who screamed and batted at it.  Dean got it with rock salt."

"That's almost cruel," he pointed out.

"No it's not.  It didn't do more than bruise it.  It'll be fine."  He went back inside.  Faith was complaining about the thing trying to hide in her shirt.  The guards had slunk off.  Daniel came off the elevator, looking pissed.  "It was a squirrel," Sam told him.  Daniel relaxed.

"I still say it's possessed or something.  It tried to eat my boxers earlier," Xander complained.

"Maybe you city people need to move into the country for a few lessons," Dean said.

"I can track, use the appropriate tree for TP, not stumble into poison ivy, oak, or sumac, I can catch a demon pretending to be a tree.  I don't need to know about squirrels and other evil little things that sneak in to be owned by me so I'll let them have all my twinkies."

Daniel burst out laughing.  "Xander, it'll be fine."

"No it won't!"  He went back into his apartment, slamming the door so he could sulk in peace.

"Xander needs a warning tattooed on his chin about breaking all rules of sense and logic," Amber complained.

"Why on his chin?" Daniel asked.

"Because no girls look high enough to see the pretty brown eyes of puppy doom.  They all get stuck on his package," Faith said.  "We should get him a belt buckle that says that."

"Way too country for him," Amber pointed out.  "He doesn't wear big belt buckles, Faith."

"True.  Maybe a t-shirt so they can stare at his chest?"

Dean growled.  "Why were we staring there on Xander?" he asked calmly.

"Way back when he could've been mine I never got higher than his package unless he was pouting. Then you saw these big, brown eyes of puppy doom.  They're enough to make even me do stuff for him.  I'm sure that's how he talks all those girls into the bathroom or wherever."

"He didn't pout at any of the ones I've seen him pick up," Sam told her.  "Stare a few times, drawing them in that way."

She shivered.  "That's not much better.  Animal magnetism eyes clearly aren't any better."  She kissed Dean since he was still growling.  "You've got the same thing, Dean.  Chill."  She checked herself.  "At least the little furry demon didn't try to eat me."

"Squirrels aren't demonic and they don't taste too bad," Daniel told her.

"Eww!"

"That's what Xander said," Sam said with a grin.  "You two can go calm down if you want, Faith.  I'm sure Amber and the others are going to do the same?"  They all fled to do whatever they wanted with Sam's permission.  "Sorry, we didn't mean to worry anyone, Daniel."

"It's all right, Sam."  He left, going back to his own apartment.  He ran into John outside.  "A squirrel decided to adopt Xander."

"He's never seen a squirrel?" he asked.  "I'm sure even Sunnydale had squirrels in the parks or something."

"They probably got eaten by something."

"Good point."  He walked back to his room shaking his head.  Someone really had to teach Xander some more practical life skills sometime soon.  He looked up at the faint voice of Faith that was complaining 'what do you mean we're out of lube again, it was your turn to go to the pharmacy'.  That got a groan and he went to hide before someone asked him if he had any again.

Sam walked into his apartment, handing over something.  "From Tony so he doesn't have to hear a complaining woman unless Anya shows up for cuddles."  He went to his own room with his laptop.  That way Dean and Faith could do whatever they wanted and he didn't have to watch.

Faith looked at the bottle then at him.  "Whole new one," she said happily.

"It was still your turn."

"You pout and I've got toys to use this with," she offered.  He growled and pulled her into his bedroom to make her squeal and scream and keep Xander up.

Of course that meant Xander could call in his own booty call....  Which meant that they didn't get any sleep anyway, even when they were done.

***

Faith walked in the next morning, staring at Xander.  "I don't know who she was, but damn!" she said finally.  He paused in eating to give her an odd look.  "You.  Sqeuaky, squealy, loud people having more sex than we did and loud enough to keep Hot Pants up."  Xander shrugged and finished eating the bite on his fork.  "Who was it?"  He just grinned.  "Oh, come on.  It had to be someone, X."

"It was.  I wasn't alone making all that much noise."

"You were *never* that noisy before."

"Bet me," Dean snorted as he came in.  "He and Anya got really loud more than once.  That's why I went to sleep on Dad's floor and Tony went to nap in the armory on top of the bullet cases."  He looked at Xander, who was still chewing.  "So, Anya come in for a cuddle?"

"Nope."  He ate another bite.

"There's no way that anything that noisy was him alone," Tony complained from his seat.  "You three kept me up and I'm on the other side of Sam's room."

"The three of them?" Dawn asked, her head popping up.  She looked at Faith.   "Special birthday present?"  She got a glare for that.  "Well, it is coming up," she defended.  "I'm sure he has no idea what to get you either."

"Shut up, D.  I don't get shared that way."

"Okay.  Though it sounds like it'd be fun."  Faith glared harder so she ducked her head and went back to eating.

"Xander, do we have to teach you how to use a gag?" Tony asked, looking over.  "If I can hear you overtop of those two screaming through sex and over Sam's snoring, we've got to do something."

Xander shrugged.  "It was one of Abby's friends."  Abby's head popped up and she gave him an odd look.  "She left at about six to head home so she could change and hit work."

"You and.... ooooh.  Yeah, she's loud.  Sorry, Tony.  That was mostly her probably."

"No, I heard Xander.  I heard Sam complaining about Faith and Xander being loud.  I heard Dean complaining that Xander was even louder than him.  I heard Sam complain that Dean was louder than an orgy at a football game he had once been to."  He stared at them.  "All three of you need gags and Sam needs nasal strips so he quits snoring."

"Or we *really* need to insulate between the apartments," Abby told him.

"There is," Tony said dryly.  "Usually I can't hear a thing so unless last night was a mystical mistake?" he suggested, looking at Dawn.

"Not that I know of and it would've echoed to us, not you."

"Some of us aren't pervs that way and don't need to hear Faith getting happy," Kim said impatiently, glaring at her.  "Even if my girlfriend wouldn't mind."

"It still wasn't me.  It was them being loud.  They like being loud.  Xander's always been loud according to Anya."

Xander nodded.  "Yeah, now and then I do get loud," he admitted, considering it.  "Not *always* though."

"Bet me!" Dean complained.

"We'll look at putting some more insulation between the apartments," Daniel said to break up the arguments.  "Eat, people.  It's another day of work coming up quickly."

John Sheppard walked in and looked at Xander.  "Close your windows next time?  I didn't need to be woken up by you chanting Bolivia's name.  It's nearly as bad as someone chanting 'oh you intergalactic physics stud' at three am."  Abby squeaked.  "One of the Marines wanted to know if you were so loud to advertize you'd share her.  I had to let Ronon and Tiff defend yours and her honor."

"No, I'm just kinda loud now and then," Xander admitted.  "Sorry, John."

"Thankfully I can take a nap later."  He grabbed coffee and walked off shaking his head.

Xander grinned.  "I'm sorry if I kept anyone else up too."  They all shook their heads.

Chase looked over.  "My window's across from yours.  I didn't hear you."

"Then maybe it was a magical mistake," Tony said.

"Still not mine," Dawn complained.  "Maybe one of the witches in town wanted to hear Xander have sex.  Who knows.  Or one of the demons who thinks he'd be good at it."

"I would've heard if he was bad at it," Abby said.  "Bolivia must've taken a nap before work or I'd have heard about this long before breakfast."

Rodney stomped in.  "What is wrong with that goofy haired bastard?"

"We woke him up and so did Xander," she said, making him blush.  "Yeah, basically."

"He needs his own cot somewhere else," Rodney complained.  "It's not my fault I enjoy it when you nudge me awake by accident."

Anya appeared, looking at Xander.  "Can I store some more stuff in your closet?  I've got to weed out my current boxes of stuff so I can buy more interesting things."

"Sure, Ahn.  Is it something I should keep the girls out of?"

"Depends on them."  She gave him a kiss.  "Was she good?"

"Very.  We kept up someone in Abby's apartment," he said smugly.

"Shoot.  I never made you get that loud."  Everyone who had been woken up groaned.  "It's good when he's loud like that."  She kissed him again.  "I'll drop it later."

"Sure.  I'll be on base probably.  I don't have an open case."  He took a deeper kiss.  "Thank you for not destroying them," he said quietly.

"I will be but I'll wait until others can have fun watching them slowly go insane and be destroyed at the same time."  She disappeared.

Xander looked over at Chase.  "If House wants to see what new neat stuff she's found he can come over later."

"I'll tell him that when he gets up," he said dryly.  "I'm not sure I want to know."  He finished up and headed for the infirmary.  They had headache medicine down there.

Daniel coughed.  "Dawn, can you please take a few minutes to make sure that the spell or whatever on Xander and Dean's apartments are canceled?"

"Sure, Daniel.  Be happy to since I didn't get to hear the good stuff this time."  Sam swatted her.  "What?" she defended.

"Behave!"

"I am.  I'm an eighteen-year-old girl, Sam.  Of course I'm all about the smut at my age."  She got up and took Xander's keys from his pocket, heading over to check out his apartment.

Abby took a kiss then went to call her buddy to see how good it had been.  She'd have to wake her up but that was fine she guessed.  Tony and the others who needed a nap went to get another hour before reporting to their desks.  It was going to be a long day otherwise.  Xander finished breakfast and went to find something to do.  He had no problems with last night.  It had been really kinda good.

***

Anya appeared.  "I've got some of Hallie's old stuff too, Xander.  She left it to me and I have *no* room in the closets anymore."  She took a quick kiss.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  How much stuff are we talking about?  I only have the three closets."  She gave him a look.  "A hall closet."

"Not that much."  She pointed and a small stack of boxes appeared.  "See?"  She smiled hopefully.

"Sure.  Is that all Hallie's?"  She nodded.  "Where's yours?"  She made two new trunks appear.  He looked then at her.  "Clothes?" he asked hopefully.

"No.  Toys that didn't really soothe me all that much."  She winked and disappeared.

Xander shook his head but moved Hallie's stuff to the closet once he had it marked that it was hers.  Then he sat down to look in the two footlockers.  "I don't know how she does it," he said.  The one on top was huge, spiral shaped, and neon pink.  He checked the other trunk.  Vibrators.  "Oh, she separated them out for me.  How sweet."  He got up to answer the door, letting House in.  "Two trunks this time."

"She must miss whatever made you so loud last night," he quipped.  He looked at them then at him.  "You looked yet?"

"The brown trunk has vibrators.  The other's just toys."

House gave him a horrified look.  "Full?"

"I didn't dig but it looked like it."

House sat down to pull one closer so he could look inside.  "I'll be damned it is full."  Sam walked in and shut the door.  "Came to see the new toy chest?"

He looked.  "That's all toys?"

House held one up.  "All sex toys it looks like."

Sam squeezed his eyes shut.  "That's so wrong.  I'm sure sex shops don't have that many toys in stock."

"You'd be surprised," Xander told him.

Sam looked at him.  "Not really."

Xander grinned.  "I did like to browse the one by Pasadena.  It's a cool one."

"Jess ordered online from there once but there were a few near the college so we used those."

"You need to hit some of the specialty shops, Sam.  There's things in there that I had to have explained to me."

"Boys," House said.  "There's things in some of them that *I* need to have explained to me.  Since I've had more sex than both of you....."  They just grinned at him.  He held up one.  "Is that demonic or just from her twisted mind?"

"I don't know," Xander admitted, looking at the lurid dark blue jelly textured toy that was about eight inches wide and three long but had a blunt head.  "I haven't slept with that many demons, House, and most of them do wear some sort of clothes over their genitals.  I can take it to a demon strip club and ask."

"No, that's all right," he said, tossing it back inside.  He opened the other one but nearly whimpered.  Full of vibrators in all shapes, colors, sizes, and some that were adjustable.  "She needs help."

"She had an eleven-hundred year dry spell," Xander reminded him.  "She remembered how much she liked it once she started getting it again."

"That's more sex addict," House complained.  "Even nymphos don't have a collection like that.  That's an addiction to toys."

"Hey, talk to her.  She's paying for her own now," Xander said dryly.  "I paid for a lot of her old ones."

"That's bad on so many levels," House complained.  He stood up.  "We should spend some time digging into those.  See how many more odd models she got this time."

"Go ahead," Xander quipped.  "I'll try to keep the girls out of them."

"Yeah, that might help," House said dryly.  "Before they think men are built that way."  He walked off shaking his head.  He ran into Daniel, who looked confused.  "Anya left two trunks full of sex toys this time.  Only one was full of strange ones.  The other had vibrators."  Daniel shook his head as he walked off.  House went to have a beer and his piano before his head exploded.  He was *so* glad he hadn't dated a girl like her.   Even if Xander was as close as he'd probably ever come to having a son, that gift didn't come backward to him.

Sam looked at the trunks then at him.  "Why are you storing it for her?  Can't she yard sale or something?"

"No clue," Xander admitted.  "I got given some of Hallie's stuff to put into storage too."

"Who?"

"Halfrek.  Her best friend.  She had the job over lost childhoods before Anya got given it.  She was killed by D'Hoffryn for Anya taking back a wish."

"Why?"

"Because he's an evil and mean shit."

"Oh.  Okay then.  Want help moving them?"

"Please."  They carried them in to put in the closet.  Sam thoughtfully pulled out the first trunk to put on top of the new ones.  The vibrator one went on top of the strange toys in case the girls got into them again.  Then they went to play some video games and reminisce about California.  They both missed living there sometimes.

***

Dean walked up to Xander the next day.  "Faith wanted to see."

"They're in my bedroom closet.  The old one's on top. Sam put the vibrators on top of the new two trunks and the strange ones are underneath."  He grinned.  "Try to keep them all there this time?"

"If I can.  Not like we need more dicks in our fun time."  He went to tell Faith that.  She and the girls went to have some fun hunting through the trunks of strange stuff.  Dean looked at John Sheppard when he came out stretching.  "Feel better?"

"I got some sleep last night.  It's amazing how much better you feel after a good, solid eight hours straight."

"She close you in the coffin?" Dean taunted with a smirk.

"Nope.  I went to sleep on Daniel's couch."  He walked off to go for a run.  He did feel better now.  Abby and Rodney really were too happy to not make you nauseous if you weren't in love yourself.

Dean shook his head.  He loved Abby like a sister so he'd get to tease her about it later on.  Xander came out of the armory with something.  "What's that?  New weapon?"

"Something I was working on before we went to the amusement park. I was going to tinker at my desk since everyone took my cases again."  He walked off fiddling with the small cube.  "Ah, there you are," he said, sitting down blindly while he used a pen from his pocket to lift up the wire he had replaced last time.  He looked down and found a folder on his desk.  "Aww, someone finally gave me work.  Thanks, guys."  He read it over and sighed.  "Never mind.  Testifying."  He got what he needed from it and went to do that.  Their judge wasn't backed up by any means so he could tinker down there while he waited to testify then come back up and do some more while he finished out the file with the sentence the judge had applied.

Tony looked over.  "What's that?  New weapon?"

"Nope.  New illusion cube some demon threw down in frustration.  He had gotten it wet.  We haven't gotten one of these to play with so I'm making it work again.  The demons who make them sneered at me for being human when I asked to see them."  He shrugged and went back to it.

"What does it do?" Tony asked.

"Give me an hour to replace these last few wires and I'll show you," he offered with a grin.  "Though we'll need a better jack.  They have a natural plug and we don't."

"Do I want to know how they plug in?" Tony mumbled.

"Huh?" Xander asked, not looking over.

"How do they plug in?"

"In their ears."

"Ears?" he asked.

"Yeah, their ears.  It's an illusion device, Tony."  He went to get what he needed to solder wires into place then came back to do it at his desk.  Then he figured out a better plug for people-shaped ears.  He had a bluetooth headset some agent had said was now standard issue so he had given him one.  One homemade adapter later and it was better.  Xander leaned back and grinned.  "There."  He put on the earpiece and plugged it in, then hit the power button.  He concentrated on an image and it formed around him, blocking out his view of the room.  "That's so cool," he breathed.  He took out the earpiece and handed it to Tony.  "Try it.  It's demonic VR."

"Demonic VR?" he asked.  He stuck the earpiece in his ear and watched as the scene from a movie showed up.  He could interact with the characters but it was like he was simulated to them.  Not part of the original story.  He took out the earpiece, looking over.  Xander looked really tired.  He also had a few gray hairs.  He blinked and Xander looked normal again.  "I think it's got some side effects, Xander.  I just saw you about age thirty-eight or so.  Just starting a few gray hairs."

Xander gave him an odd look.  "Really?"  Tony nodded.  "Huh.  Well, I know a few seers who use them.  Maybe you have a latent gift, Tony."

"No.  I don't think so.  Otherwise it should've popped out to warn me about some things."

"We'll let House test it on Chase."  He took it down there.  "Hey, House?"  He came out of the office sucking on a lollipop.  "Ooh, candy?"  House handed him one, getting a grin back.  "I fixed the demonic VR machine so people can use it but Tony thinks he got a split second vision."  He unwrapped his treat and handed it over.  "The green button is the power button.  It recharges on any light spectrum.  You get a really real feeling and looking simulation around you."

House looked it over.  "Stick it in your ear after it's on?"

"I turned it on afterward.  Tony had it on when he tried it."

"Interesting."

"I figured you could torment Chase for a bit."

"I'd rather torment some of Carson's docs.  They're uptight and no fun at all."  He went to find one and test it using her.  It wouldn't hurt her.  Probably.

Xander took his treat back up to his desk, going to write out what he knew of the design.  He could email a few seers later to see if they knew anything about latent sight being brought out with the cube.  Plus the demons that made it in case they didn't know.  And hey, since he had made it available to humans, that'd open up a new market and give them a new toy to learn how to video game in.

***

Jack O'Neill came off the elevator on the infirmary level.  His office was technically in the old gym now.  He heard John Sheppard yelping swears so he walked that way.  John was face down on a bed with his pants down around his ankles and his boxers too.  "Did you stand in George's sun too long?" he asked dryly.

"George walked up behind him and poked him," Chase said, pulling another thorn out.

"The botanists are mad that I made them do something more useful for humanity," John growled.  "Then I made Abby blush and swat me.  This is the second time today, General."

"I'll have Abby talk to him," he said, trying hard not to smirk at his colonel's predicament.  "Need help, Chase?  I can get Carson."

"Not really.  If he wiggles too much I'll strap him down and let Tiff come help."  John groaned, putting his head down on his arms.  "But could you please have her talk to the poor thing?"

"Before I set it on fire?" John asked.

"Sure."  He went up to the lab, finding Abby looking over George.  "Are you nagging him for sneaking up on Sheppard to stab him twice today?"

"George!" she complained.  The demon shrub's branches wilted.  "We like John.  He's a nice guy.  You leave John alone.  Even if he does take your spoiling slaves away it's because they need to do more than groom you.  I promise they still love you."  She gave him a careful hug.  "That was mean to John.  No more being mean to John.  He thinks of me like a sister."  George rattled a few of his branches.  "Thank you.  I'll expect you to apologize tonight."

"He won't be sitting tonight," Jack told her.  "He got him good this second time."

"Poor John.  Having  House pull thorns from his butt."

"Chase is doing it."

"That's even worse.  Chase would go too slowly and make it ouch more."  She went to call Tiff, letting her go baby John with Teyla.  That'd make him feel better.  Jack left before he heard her plea so that was fine.

***

Teyla and Tiff walked into the infirmary once the yelping stopped.  "Can we help, doctor?" Teyla asked.  John groaned.  "You hush.  We'll help you back to a comfortable spot to lie down."

Tiff nodded, giving him a hug.  "I'm sorry the little shrub was so mean to you, John.  If we have to, I can carry you."

"I can walk.  I'll just be slow and limp," he said, flipping over with a moan.  "Thanks, Chase."

"Welcome.  Try to avoid him again and soak that later on.  The anti-venom is still working."  He watched the women walk him out, smirking at how they fussed at him.  That was always good for a man's soul.

Ronon caught them outside.  "You were injured by sitting on something?" he guessed.

"The little shrub decided I was mean to the botanists and Abby," he complained.  "He got me twice.  I'm fine, ladies, really."

"Hush," Tiff ordered.  "Or I'm telling all the girls you need babied."

He glared at her.  "I will have you doing PT for hours," he warned.  "For weeks on end, Tiff."

"Yay.  Dean makes us do it anyway.  Want my room?  It's private and no one there can bug you."

"I'll be fine on a couch."

"Uh-huh.  I'm next to the bathroom."  She walked him that way with Ronon and Teyla coming after them.  John gave her an odd look when she walked him inside.  "George got him for sending the horny botanists who wanted to screw him back to work and making Abby blush.  I'm lending him my bed."  She tried to help him up the stairs but he swatted so she picked him up and carried him instead.  She even tucked him in because she was so good.  "There.  All better.  Need an ice pack?"

"Just rest.  Chase put on some numbing cream.  Thank you, ladies."  They both smiled.  "Get me up for dinner?"  They nodded and left him alone.  Ronon gave him a pointed look.  "I don't know," he complained.  "He snuck up behind me twice to stab me with his little poisoned thorns."

"Abby was having a talk with him," Tiff said as she walked off.

Ronon shook his head.  "You'll survive this one and make the botanists do PT."

"Yes I am.  Drag them outside to let Dean torture them for me."

"Fine."  He closed the door, heading out to do that.

John Winchester leaned in.  "The door locks if you need it, Sheppard."

"I might.  I'm embarrassed enough without more fussing."

John pushed in the button on the back of the knob.  "Bathroom's to the right.  Her stereo remote's beside your head.  She's got books under the bed on this side."  He left, making sure the door had locked for the poor guy.  He'd be embarrassed if the girl had carried him in too.  He ran into Tiff downstairs.  "I locked it so he could rest without helpful girls, Tiff."

"I can open it," she assured him.  She went up to jimmy open the door and handed him the drink and then left again.

John got up to lock it again then laid back down to sip and check out her books.  The stereo was turned on to a quiet enough rock station and he had a good nap ahead of him.  Even if the girls would be trying to get in to fuss.  Xander had taught them to fuss all too well.

***

Xander looked at George later that night.  "You have apologized?" he demanded.  The shrub wilted and went to rub up against John's leg since he was down for dinner.  He followed to make sure it wasn't going to hurt him again.  "It's apologizing," he told him when John flinched.

"I know he's confused," he said, petting him gently.  "I accept your apology, George.  I know you were being protective."  Even though he knew that was like a toddler fit for shrub demons for taking away the ones who spoiled him.  "You go be a good shrub demon."  It waddled off to find some warm spot for the night.  He looked at Xander.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  We had to have this talk when Binky horned one of the guards on purpose for smoking weed last month."  He sat down to get something to eat.  "Hey, House, have you figured out if the cube is harmful or not?" he called.

"It's not.  The spot vision isn't anything important.  Just a few years in the future from wherever you're looking."

"Okay."

"One of them appeared to chew me a new one for you making it useable by us.  I told him off for it so he showed me how to use it better.  It's a neat thing."

"Maybe we can hand that to the bored botanists?" John snarked.

House smirked.  "That's one of the many uses they market it for."

"Have some bored test subjects then," he offered.  "Just don't damage their minds.  We might need them able to work someday."

"I can do that tomorrow."  He plotted while he ate.  It was very nice of Sheppard to give him a whole lot of annoying dweebs to practice his skills on.  They had even annoyed Chase the other day by saying he was only a doctor.  They hadn't liked their physicals in the least after that comment.

Xander looked at John.  "Want my pullout?  I'm not using it tonight as far as I know."

"That's cool.  Daniel made sure I've now got my own room in the temporary quarters building."  Xander grinned at that.  "But thanks."

"Welcome.  I figured the girls had fussed over you all afternoon."

"Her door locks."

"All the doors lock but most of the girls know how to use their school ID's to get in."

"Apparently they were polite or very sneaky," John told him.

"Good."  Dawn walked in.  "How many more days do we have with you?"

"Six," she said smugly.  "And we still have to finish my apartment shopping."

"Oops.  Okay, we can hit the mall tonight."  She pouted.  "Don't give me that look or  you're taking Sam."

"Sam?" she begged him.  "Please?"

"Fine," he agreed with a smile.  "We'll take a slayer mobile to the mall."

"Can't we go to that new place that opened in town?"

"If it's open," he sighed.  She beamed and gave him a hug before sitting down to eat. "What's left on your list?"

"That depends.  Does anyone remember if I have carpet and appliances?"

"No and yes," Xander told her.  "Linoleum.  Ugly, yellow, faded squares."

"Then I need a few throw rugs," she decided.  "Microwave?"  He shook his head.  "Fridge and stove?"

"Those you have."

"Good.  Then I only need a microwave."  Sam nodded at that.

"How did you get all your old stuff?" John asked his son.  "I know you didn't leave with that much cash."

"I work studied and worked during my off times.  Plus the extra from my stipend.  After tuition, books, and rent I cleared about two grand a trimester to pay for food, utilities, and those other needs."

"Loans?" Dean asked.

"Scholarship.  Full ride, Dean," he reminded him.  "Housing costs were included."  He went back to eating.

Dawn gave him a gentle nudge.  "You could take some classes now that you're local for a bit."

"I am."  He smirked at her.  "I only need one more to get to a higher degree."  He kissed her on the cheek.  "But it's nice that you're thinking of me."

"Yup, sure am.  Then you can tell me how to get along on a college campus."

"It's like high school only more spread out and you have a lot more people.  Most of which you'll never meet or see."

"Good to know."  She dug in.  "What colors were the place in besides yellow?"

"No clue.  Probably white walls.  That's pretty standard for any apartment."

"The kitchen was speckled green countertops.  Your bathroom was water baby blue.  Your bedroom had that same dingy linoleum," Xander told her.  "White walls.  White cabinets.  One mirror in the bathroom and one hanging on the back of the bedroom door.  Get curtains, there's very close neighbors who'll be staring in at your bedroom and bathroom, Dawnster."

"I can do that," she agreed.  She got seconds and so did Sam then they went to grab one of the cars that the ISC had bought for their use to go shopping.  Brenda snuck into the back but that was fine.  She needed more clothes that fit since the baby was getting so huge.

***

Dawn looked around her apartment.  It wasn't huge but it wasn't too tiny.  She had ten steps between the living room and bedroom.  Two to the kitchen from the living room.  She had a small, three step long balcony that you could stand on but nothing else.  She sighed as she put down the first box of stuff.  Xander came up behind her with two boxes, giving her a hug once he had dropped them.  "I'm really here."

"You're really here," he agreed.  He smirked.  "Your mom would be so proud as long as you don't do what Buffy did and become caveslayer with some beer."

She pinched him hard.  "I'm not going to."  She gave him a squeeze.  "Thanks, Xander."

"You're a good, smart, intelligent, and sensible girl.  If there's any frat parties I will be beating you but otherwise you'll do just fine.  If Willow could you can."

"I guess I can."  He walked her back down to get back to the moving things.   Her couch was a futon that pulled out into a bed.  One of the newer ones without all the bars and slats on the back.  Her bed needed both of them to carry up the stairs but that was fine.  Her clothes needed a few trips too but that was just her being a fashionable girl sort.  Then Xander took her to get groceries, pots and pans, and sheets, since she had forgotten and so had Sam.  He got her settled in her apartment, watching her unpack most everything.  He also left her a prepaid Visa card for emergencies, like studying pizza sessions and new pens when she ran out.  Then she got a hug and watched him go, trying hard not to sniffle.

She was alone now and it was scary.  But she was a Summers and she could do this.  If her sister could attempt college and actually pass stuff while slaying, she could do better since she wasn't hunting the demonic.

***

Xander walked into John's office since he was up.  "Okay, this is Dawn's address," he said, writing it out.  He drew a figure too.  "This is how it's laid out and how we had arranged the furniture when we left.  Six of her neighbors are juniors or above and two party too hard.  They were buying the kegs for their moving teams when we were getting her decent food to eat.  She might need a game system for when she's bored, not sure yet.  Also, this is the college's map," he said, pulling one out of his back pocket.  "I've already warned her off the bars and said I'd be spanking if she got turned into a caveslayer too."

"It's hard when your kids leave the nest," John said quietly.  Xander stopped to stare at him.  "It is.  She's like your sister, Xander.  I understand it's just as hard on you as it is on her.  But Dawn's sensible and I doubt she'll be throwing wild parties or getting it on with the drunk guys up the hall."

Xander slumped.  "That obvious?"

"A bit to another parent.  It'll be fine.  I'll file this so we have it when we need to go rescue her from her first boyfriend."

Xander growled.  "I'll castrate him if he treats her badly."

"That's the spirit," Dean said as he walked in.  He looked at the address.  "Not too bad.  Sammy and I spun past there our last time in the city.  Nowhere near the hood but fairly close to the college.  Only four blocks.  Apartments looked decent sized.  Has a small wannabe porch off the kitchen that's big enough for a plant or a mini-grill but nothing else.  Some drunk wanna be frat boys up the street from her that she'll diss because they're disgusting."  Xander grimaced.  "You know she's not going to be the party queen, Xander."

"I know but it still sucks."

John smiled.  "Did you do this much checking when Sammy went to Stanford?"

"Yup," Dean agreed.  "Just to make sure my bitchy little brother wasn't going to get sucked into a pothead's embrace and ruin his giant brain with it."  John smirked at him.  "It's true!  And yes, he did inhale."  He bopped Xander on the shoulder.  "Come watch movies with Samzilla.  He said so."

"I can do that."  He gave him a short hug.  "Thanks, John."

"Remember you can call randomly after her first day of classes."  Xander grinned, setting that reminder on his watch as he walked over to Sam and Dean's apartment.  "Sammy went wild his first semester?"

"There's pictures of Sammy doing tequila shots off some titless, redhead, naked girl somewhere on his computer."  John's mouth fell open.  "Sammy and wild were well acquainted and he was still pulling down the major grades back then.  Now he's just doing online stuff and keeping himself from being bored."

"He is?"

"One more class and he graduates from Stanford with the pretty paper and all," Dean said.  "Criminal Justice degree that's centered on pre-law."

"Huh.  I didn't know that."

Dean nodded.  "Yup.  Anyway, Sam's trying hard not to remember his first trimester or whatever they call them out there.  He'll keep Xander from going into big brother overdrive and taking some time off to go stalk her to make sure she's safe."  He walked off, going to watch movies with Sam and Xander.  He walked in and watched them stare at the movie together.  "Dad didn't know you're taking online classes?"

"He never asked," Sam said absently.

"He knows now.  And about that picture I found of you and that redhead without any tits."

"She was post-op by a few weeks and needed implants, Dean.  We were celebrating her surgery being done."  Dean gaped in horror.  He smirked.  "I liked him.  We shared a room."  He shrugged.  "He was a nice guy who simply wanted to be ridden hard so he could squeal like a queen as he put it."

"I knew a few of those.  Really nice people usually," Xander said.  He was hugging a pillow.

Dean got their camera to take a picture of those too, going to download it onto the laptop while he searched for more incriminating photos.  "Sammy, did you drag and drop?  You know most of those discs come up with UDF reader now and then, right?"

"No, I forgot."  He came to get the hidden discs to reburn them.  Then they got hidden again.  Dean gave him a pointed look.  "My twenty-first birthday party."

"How bad was it?"

"If I had put it on film....." he sighed, going back to the movie.  Xander leaned against his side.  "I know.  Jess had fun too.  That was like our third date together."

"I'm sure she's happy you're not as wild anymore."

"I got that touch of freedom finally and it was good to me," he sighed.  "Dawn's more sensible than I was.  I warned her about that too."  Xander grinned.  "Even if I wanted to I couldn't do what I did back then."

"Do I even want to think and wonder?" Dean asked from his seat.

"Nope."

Xander grinned.  "Did you ever hit one of those Christmas Tree parties?"

"Oh....." he moaned and shifted some.  "I remember going twice.  Kinda."  Dean's head popped up.  "It was sponsored by one of the local nudist organizations, Dean.  You don't want to know."

"I did one my first year legal," Xander admitted.  "Didn't partake of the liquor but I had fun with the rest.  The one I went to was sponsored by some of the clubs around where we lived."

Sam smirked.  "Strip, S&M, or regular?"

"A few strip clubs and an S&M club got together to put it out."

"Why are different organizations doing them?" Dean asked.

"They're a charity fundraiser," Sam said, looking back at him.  "The money goes to fulfill needs of kids who make wishes to Santa on those little cards they put on trees in the stores."

"Ah.  So you come, you party, any fees or anything is given to the Angel Tree people....  And liquor was involved how?"

"It depended on who threw the party," Xander told him with a bright grin.  "Some churches sponsor their things.  Some clubs sponsor theirs.  Sam's area apparently had a pretty cohesive nudist group that did one.  Sunnydale had some vamps that did it one year.  We left them alone."

"That was nice of them," Sam said.

"Apparently the guy who organized it had been one of those kids.  We should plan that this year if we're not doing anything."

Sam grinned.  "I can't see the harm in it.  I'll see if I can find the group that oversaw them out there."  He gave him a shoulder nudge.  "S&M?"

"Yup.  And a lot of swingers," Xander sighed, shaking his head.  "I was the youngest in the room by about ten years.  But I had a lot of fun and a lot of them wanted to cuddle me.  I ended up with deer antler headgear and a painted on nose so a few could pet me like a tame reindeer."

"Have a tail?" Sam teased.

"*Way* more than I needed to hear," Dean complained loudly.

"Then get off my laptop and go find Faith," Sam teased.  Dean groaned but went to do that.  He and Xander shared a smirk.  It was fun to embarrass Dean.  Plus it meant no nagging, talking, munching big brother to interrupt their movie night.

Dean walked into the slayer building, running into his father.  "They're sharing old party memories," he complained as he walked past him.  "Christmas Tree parties."

"Huh?" John asked.  Dean gave him a look so he shuddered.  "I don't want to know, do I?"

"No.  Probably not.  It's a good charity idea but no.  Not with what they said about those parties."  He stomped up the stairs, making Faith lean out of her room.  "The perverts are watching movies," he complained, stealing a kiss.

"How bad?" she asked, giving him a teasing look.

"They were talking about Christmas Tree parties.  Sammy went to one that was sponsored by nudists.  Xander went to a club one and ended up in reindeer getup."

She pulled him into her room to soothe.  "They probably didn't want to listen to you talk about the leading lady's breasts again, Dean.  Boytoy was never that wild."

He looked at her.  "Maybe he was when you were in that coma."

"Nah.  He was way too straight."  They shared a look and went down to do some background checking on Xander.  There was no way he wasn't putting them on with all that stuff.  Faith found an old mention of him stripping and a video someone had made.  They stared at it and yeah, it was .... damn.  "Okay, so that was his roadtrip," she said.  "When he was broken down and stuff.  Right?"

"I hope so."  He checked the date.  "She uploaded it six months after the Initiative fell though."

"Could just be lag time.  B would've mentioned and screamed about it otherwise."

"We can call and ask," he offered.

Faith dialed.  "Hey, B.  No, creeped out by X talking about past memories of fun and games.  In the clubs and out."  She listened, going a bit pink.  She didn't normally blush but....  Huh?  "Huh?" she asked out loud.  "Boytoy?" she demanded.  She wiped her other ear off.  "And no one complained or anything?"  She just nodded.  "Yeah.  Okay.  Sure, you can tell Dean if you want."  She handed over the phone and went to find something to take that image out of her head.  Xander under stress did more than growl.  It was an enlightening complaint by the senior slayer but .....damn.

Dean hung up, realizing he was blushing too.  He didn't usually blush but....  Xander?  No way!  He went to find Faith to take it out of his mind.  He didn't need to think about Xander's stress relief habit.  As long as the big boss didn't mind he'd keep it from his father.  Because John Winchester would freak if he found out about Xander stripping with a horse-tail plug inserted.

John came out to see what had bothered the duo, watching the video.  He shook his head, going back to his own search of the boy's wilder time.  Just in case Xander was drawing Sam to the dark side for stress relief.  He liked Xander but he was clearly still too close to snapping.  The boy needed a good way to get it outside of himself before he worried himself to death over those visions of a base assault.

The End.

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The demon looks around, checking to make sure he has everything prepared for the spell. He hadn't been there when the rest of his clan had been captured by the humans, finding out when he'd returned to his burrow later that night. How HYPERLINK "http://voracity.e-fic.com/dcisindex.html" dareHYPERLINK "http://voracity.e-fic.com/dcisindex.html"  the humans think they had the right to decide his clan was evil for running drugs, guns, and human slaves. He'll crush them like the vermin they are he vows. His clan will be free! Free to return to their proper role in life. Free to rule the Earth, as was their destiny.

He starts chanting, this spell will send the humans agency and everything associated with it off the face of the earth, with them gone he can find and free the rest of his clan. He'd found the spell in the oldest of their books and gathered the materials needed before heading to their compound. He'd been fasting for three days to make sure his gods would know the sincerity of his prayer. He'd had to be on the grounds of the humans agency to cast the spell, it had been easy to infiltrate the grounds, the humans security had been laughable, just like they are.

He looks around when he feels the last of the magic leave him. NO, it hadn't worked. This isn't possible. The humans were still there. He turns to run, tripping over a rut in the ground. He gets quickly to his feet, falling again when a fist smashes into his face.

“What did you do?” A female voice snarls as he's pulled to his feet. He turns to yell at the human for touching his magnificence, only to be struck again. How? How can a human be so strong?

“I'd answer her, “ an amused voice can be heard to say. “Faith is a little upset right now, and you really don't want to have a Slayer upset with you, things tend to get . . .messy.”

A Slayer? Here? This shouldn't be possible. When had Slayers started working with the government? The government should have destroyed them like the freaks they are. He starts babbling, frantically telling everything he knows. He moans when he hears that the prison is under the base, instead of freeing his clan, he's sentenced them to the same fate as the humans. He starts wailing and moaning as two humans drag him down to the prison to join the others. The humans laugh as they tell their captives of what had happened, he's thrown into a cell as his clan curses him for his stupidity.

A driver on the road blinks as buildings suddenly appear in a field he's passing. He hurriedly pulls off the side of the road, grabbing his phone and dialing the sheriff's office.

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Chapter 13 by josette grover

“Carter.” Sheriff Carter says, grabbing the phone as it rings in his office. He looks over at Jo as a voice starts gabbling hysterically on the other end. It's barely 8 am on a Monday morning, why does he have the feeling this is going to be bad?

“Calm down, we'll be right there.” he says soothingly. Well, he was halfway right, it wasn't bad, no 50 foot tall robots stomping through main street, but it was interesting. He's beginning to hate the word interesting since moving to Eureka. He ends the call, pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs, then dials Global Dynamics. “Stark.” Nathan Stark says absently, picking up the phone in his office. He blinks at the question his mate asks.

“No Carter, I don't know of any Global Dynamics experiments that would cause a bunch of buildings to suddenly appear in an empty field outside of town.” Allison and Fargo look over at him. He makes a note of the directions Carter had gotten and waves at Fargo. “Fargo and I will meet you there. Fargo, call Taggart, Henry, Horatio, McKay, and Sheppard, have them meet us there. ”

Fargo nods, grabbing the note with the address and picking up the phone. “They'll meet us there.” He says, looking over at Dr. Stark. Stark heads for the door, Fargo quickly following him and dropping into step behind him.

“Do you think it's Greta and her family back for another visit?” Fargo asks, snapping his seat belt as they pull out of the parking lot.

“I can't see why they'd be appearing outside of town without contacting somebody.” Stark says. “Especially since we set them up with a house, they could have appeared there then came into town. Call the infirmary, have somebody get together a medical kit and meet us there, there might be injuries.”

Fargo nods and punches numbers on the phone.

Stark pulls his car up near the Sheriff's SUV, walking over to where Jo and his mate are staring at the buildings in front of them.

“It looks like an old military base, but. . .different.” Stark tips his head as he looks at things. “That one building has a green roof and a blue door, I don't remember those being standard on a military base.”

Henry nods. “I don't see any military vehicles either,” he puts down the binoculars he'd gotten from the back of Carter's vehicle. “The license plates are a mixture of federal and private individuals. They're from North Dakota by the plates.”

“They're a little far from home then.” Stark says as another car pulls up behind them. House gets out, blinks and leans heavily on his cane as he heads their direction. “To quote Lewis Carroll, curiouser and curiouser. Do we know if it's inhabited?” Another car pulls up and McKay and Sheppard get out, McKay's already bitching about being drug away from important projects, shutting up when he sees the buildings that shouldn't be there. One last car pulls up and Ryan Wolfe and Horatio Caine get out, quietly getting caught up on what happened by the others.

“Do we know if anybody is in there?” Ryan asks. “The cars look old, but a lot of people are into classic cars now.”

“You can't tell by the federal plates. But the private license tags are this year's, I can't scan the buildings, they seem to have some sort of shielding, but I can pick up a number of heartbeats.” Henry looks at him. Carter grabs the binoculars from his hands and he turns.

“One of the doors is opening, people are coming out. Should we go talk to them?” Carter asks Stark.

“Jo, stay here. Keep your radio open.” Stark orders. They get in their vehicles, heading towards the building where they can see people moving. It looks like they haven't realized they're not alone.

Meanwhile outside the lab/admin building Xander looks around. He's counted heads, everybody that should have still been on the base has been found and brought here, Faith had been allowed to beat the stuffing out of the idiot kid that caused this mess and he'd been arrested and being tossed in a holding cell by John Sheppard and Jack O'Neill until he could be seen by the judge. Dawn had woken from her faint and had been sent to Xander's apartment to recover, House and Chase were in the medical section checking their supplies, Abby was upstairs checking to make sure any experiments she'd been running before they had ended up. .. wherever they were wasn't going to blow up on them. That would really cap the day.

Faith turns around in a circle, the hair is rising on the back of her neck.

“Faith?” Xander asks the Slayer.

“I can feel vampires around, at least one.” she snarls.

“It's daylight out.” he says, waving an arm at the sky in protest.

“I know, but I can still feel one.” she complains.

“Fargo, what's our power situation?” Xander asks.

“We're cut off from the power grids, the backup generators kicked in automatically.” Fargo calls from the basement where the mechanicals are kept. He comes out of the building, wiping his hands on a cleaning cloth he drops into the garbage can by the door.

“How are we on water?” Xander asks.

“Each building has a reservoir, the one in this building is six hundred gallons. It should usually be flushed every couple of weeks to keep it fresh. It should last us for a while if we conserve it.”

Xander looks at him. “Eureka had one in every public building, it dates back from the sixties and the cold war. This is a former military base, they should still be here.”

“Is it something that was filled automatically?”

Fargo nods, then stares stunned over his shoulder. Xander turns and blinks as he sees familiar figures heading towards them.

“Dr. Stark?” he asks.

“Do I. . .?” Stark stares stunned as he sees Fargo across next to the young man. He turns slightly, yes there's Fargo next to Carter. He looks back and forth between the two men, who step towards each other. They're both dressed in identical outfits. They're both making fish out of water motions as they circle around each other like a pair of sumo wrestlers. Half of his attention is on the dual Fargos, the other half is trying to figure out who that young man is, he looks so familiar.

“Xander?” the brunette female asks. “What's going on?” She blinks, why does Stark feel like a vampire? Like boytoy had said, it's daylight out.

Dr. Stark stares at the young man. Xander? Now he knows why the younger man looks so familiar. “Xander, Xander Harris?” he asks stunned. The young man nods slowly.

Stark whimpers too soft for anybody who's not a vampire to hear as he looks at an adult version of his son. He looks over at his shoulder at House, who has an identical stunned look on his face. The same thought is running through their heads, what the hell happened? Stark quietly slips back, calling Allison.

“Allie, is Alex okay?” he asks quietly.

Back at their office Allison stares at the phone. “Yes, I'm looking at him right now. Is there any reason why he shouldn't be okay?” She stares at the phone when its abruptly hung up on the other end, sighing and putting it down on the desk. She looks over at the baby babbling as he holds out his arms to be held up. She smiles down at him and picks him up. “Your Daddy is weird, Alex, yes he is.”

Meanwhile, back at the base Stark quickly jumps towards the Fargo that had fainted, catching him before he can hit the ground. He lifts him up into his arms, Carter taking the phone he had dropped, shutting it off for him, putting it in his pocket. Xander blinks as Faith pokes him, subtly nodding in Dr. Stark's direction.

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Chapter 1 by josette grover

They head to the labs building with the newcomers, ending up in a meeting room on the bottom floor not that far from the infirmary. Fargo, the one who's conscious, helps Dr. Stark put the unconscious one in a chair in the corner of the room.

“We're in Eureka?” Xander finally asks, looking at Dr. Stark. It's obvious they're not in their Eureka, not unless somebody cloned Fargo. . .and he can't see why.

Faith smirks at him. "Maybe this time you won't get possessed, boytoy?"

Xander moans as Dr. Stark looks at him puzzled. What a way to make an impression.

"We were in Eureka in our world. The DoD had gotten tired of dealing with the headaches from GD and turned you over to our agency."

"You have experience with scientists and their projects?"

"NID and Area 51 is under us, as well as whatever program Jack and Daniel were on." Xander nods at General O'Neill. "So yeah, we know alllll about paranoid scientists who think their projects are the most important thing in the universe."

"McKay." somebody says, trying to conceal it with a cough. Everybody from Eureka snickers.

"And yyyyoooouuuuu immediately ended up getting possessed not an hour after you arrived in town." A voice familiar to two of the Eureka natives says. Horatio and Ryan whimper, the others turn to look at them, wondering what's the matter. "Even though we had told you to stay out of trouble." A tall scruffy man with dark shaggy hair, wearing casual slacks and a t-shirt comes up and throws an arm around Xander's shoulders, smirking to ease the sting of his words. "One of many times our resident trouble magnet has found himself with a hitchhiker."

Xander rolls his eyes. "Oh yeah, like I set out to be possessed. As I seem to recall, one of the many times I was possessed it was by you." He points a finger in the direction of the other man's chest. Speed smirks again.

"S. . .S. . . Speed?" Eureka Horatio finally asks. The others in the room from Eureka stare at each other. This is Horatio's friend Speed, the one who died in his arms?

"So I take it from your reaction, I'm still dead here." Speed says.

Ryan nods when it seems Horatio can't speak.

"How?" he finally asks, reaching forward and feeling warm flesh under his fingertips. He crushes Speed in his arms in a hug. Ohhh, he knows Greta's brother Ryan said that he was alive in her world, but it's different to see actual living proof he can hold in his arms.

Speed smirks in Xander's direction. "Blame him. He was going 'here ghosty, ghosty, ghosty' near my grave. I poked my head up to take a look, wondering was going on, and got stuck."

"You make it sound like a bad thing." Xander pretends to pout. "Ryan found me just after it happened and realized that I was possessed, thankfully my boss knew Speed. I brought Ryan back to the base because you guys weren't treating him right and settled down to having another guest in my head."

"What happened? Since he's obviously not in your head anymore?" Carter asks. This is Eureka, just because he hasn't seen possessed people before doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

"Dawn got pissed at the powers that be and sneezed him up a new body." Xander says flippantly.

"Yes, he's like that." Speed says sourly at Stark's stunned look. "You and I are the only two that's ended up with bodies again, either our original or duplicates created by magic." he sighs.

"You were possessed by Stark?" Carter moans.

"In our world, yes. It seems that there was an 'incident' on our world involving a device and a repeat of groundhogs day on your wedding day?" Xander looks at this world's version of Doctor Stark who moans and nods.

“I managed to send myself away to safety just before time started again.” he says. “Everybody here thought I was dead for nearly three months.”

“Yes, and then you swooped in, saved us from Evil's nefarious schemes, and claimed your prize, the lovely sheriff.” Taggart smirks. Stark nods smugly, reaching over and wrapping an arm around Carter. Carter blushes. Hell, Fargo, nobody's quite sure which one is which since they're both wearing the same clothes, blushes.

“Well in our world you were considered dead for about six or seven months, your 'death' was the incentive Fargo needed to take one of the job offers he's been getting from other agencies.” Xander smiles at the corner of the room where the two Fargos are busy babbling at each other. “We got Global Dynamics put under our control and came to town, taking over control of GD from Thorne and throwing her ass in jail with the greatest of pleasure. Unfortunately, I ended up getting possessed by you. You were finally able to tell the others that your body was safely in the machine, what Carter and Fargo has seen as your body dissolving was actually time moving again outside of the chamber, we got your body out of there, you back in your body, and then spent a couple of weeks terr. . .err visiting Eureka before heading back to the base.”

Faith looks at where Carter is leaning against Stark's side, the other man's arm still wrapped around him. “Was Dr. Blake pregnant here when you got back?”

“Yes, she found out the day that I returned that she was pregnant. She gave birth to a set of twins a couple of months ago.”

“She had a little girl a couple months after we took over Global Dynamics there.” Xander says. “The you there sent pictures, they're in my desk in the office.”

“Douglas, where's the new supply of pipettes?” A female voice calls down the stairs from an upstairs room. “I thought you said you had ordered a new supply?”

“They're in the secondary storage area, Abby.” One of them calls up the stairway. He yelps as Faith calmly pulls his jacket off over his head.

“Thanks Douglas,” the female voice says as footsteps are heard clicking down the hall. A female squeal has most of the DCIS agents grinning.

“Xander!” Abby screeches, running down the stairs. She throws herself into his arms. He kisses her gently on the forehead.

“Happy birthday Abby, Tony and I worked on it together. He thought you'd like it”

“Where is Tony?” she pouts.

“He was in Washington with Gibbs, got called in by a spook named Fornell they used to work with when you guys were in NCIS?” Abby nods. “He needed their help.”

“Maybe Madam Director really is a demon and we can slay her?” she giggles.

“Behave Abby,” Xander tugs on one of her pigtails. “She's annoying, but she does have her place “

“Rodney.” She squeals when she sees McKay in the corner of the room. She throws herself at him, Xander grabbing her by the belt. “Xander,” she whines, turning to look at him.

“Sorry Abbs, this isn't our McKay. He's not dating a hyper pigtailed goth girl here.”

“Pooh,” Abby pouts. “I was looking forward to some hot sex tonight.” McKay chokes. “Oh well, I can get in my coffin with my toys and dream of snuggles from my Rodney honey.” She bounces off babbling, taking the package she had shoved in Fargo's arms back before leaving the room.

“Turn the soundproofing on tonight, you and Rodney are bad enough over my head.” A voice familiar to everybody in Eureka bellows down the hall. “You're louder alone.”

“My favorite toy vibrates.” Abby squeals somewhere on the stairs. “And the coffin echoes.”

“More than I wanted to know.” House grumbles, storming back into his office and locking the door behind him.

Everybody from DCIS smiles at the exchange while Rodney is shuddering.

“I'm dating. . .her?” he finally screeches, waggling a finger in the direction Abby had left.

“Very loudly, very exuberantly, with lots of giggling on her part and being caught in closets. You say she's nearly as smart as you are.” Rodney whimpers.

“Could be worse,” Speed smirks. “We could have a little pigtailed genius on the way.”

Everybody shudders, including the Eureka natives. “Oh god, a baby McKay, that's worse.”

“That's why I made sure she's on the good birth control.” House bellows from his office. “The only thing worse than a baby Sciuto/McKay would be a baby you from whatever deranged individual that keeps trying to kidnap Xander.”

“That's why I'm snipped.” Xander sing-songs.

“Okay,” Fargo asks a smirking Faith who's dangling his jacket off one finger. “Why did you take my jacket off?”

“You and your counterpart here are wearing the same clothes. This way we know which one is which.” She smirks at him.

“Do you have a medical section here?” Dr. Stark asks. “I'd like to make sure everybody has physicals to make sure there were no adverse reactions to traveling dimensions.

“Yeah, that's where House is currently hiding.” Faith smirks as Fargo takes his jacket and throws it over his arm as they head out of the meeting room. “Yo House, we're heading your way.”

House's moan is clearly audible. Faith cackles as they enter the medical center. Chase looks up from the front desk. He holds up a hand. “He heard. He's making sure the exam rooms are ready for you. I'm opening a guest account so you can check the medical records.”

“Thank you Chase, it's good to see he had the brains to bring you with him.” Stark smirks. “Where's Wilson?”

“Back at PPTH.”

“Guess he's not as smart as he thinks.” he mumbles under his breath as he contacts his House, House's mates, Allison, and Carlisle. “I've called in a few more doctors to help out. Are there any other people here that he haven't met yet?”

“Yeah, Dawnie's napping on Xan's couch.” Faith says. “My honey, his Dad and brother are off looking over the grounds. Thank whoever you believe in that most everybody was offbase when this happened or you'd have a lot more people around being frantic.” She snorts. “Hope we get home soon, otherwise the younger slayers are going to terrorize the town when they get out of school and the base is gone.”

“Can somebody get everybody here?” Stark asks as he sits down at the computer Chase vacates. Xander and Faith leave the building returning a few minutes later.

“John and his sons are on their way.” Xander announces. “Jack and Sheppard have checked the prisoners under the base, they put them in pocket dimensions until we're back home.”

“You have prisoners here?” Stark asks.

“We're the condom that keeps humanity and demons apart.” Xander smirks. “We keep demons and humans that try to kill others, start gang wars, or otherwise cause trouble. We have our own judge that hands down sentences, the reason we're here now is a damn fool kid meddled with magic. He wanted to spring his clan who were arrested for running drugs, guns, and human slaves. He cast a spell to make e
DCIS vanish from the face of the earth. Unfortunately for him, the idiot was on the grounds when he cast the spell and he got sent here along with the rest of us, we put him in a cell next to his clan. I'm sure they're yelling at him for being stupid enough to get caught up in the spell.”

“They are,” Jack O'Neill says as he enters the medical center. Fargo looks up when a beep sounds, checking the monitors and heading up at Daniel's nod. He returns ten minutes later with Dr. Blake, this universe's House, Wilson, and Chase, and a blond man that they introduce as Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

“Twilight?” Faith chokes. Xander blinks. Abby squeals and runs to him, throwing her arms around him.

“Cool, I'd always wanted to meet a real live vampire.”

“Umm Abby, Spike?” Xander says, covering his eyes with his hand as he chuckles at the dumbfounded look that is sure to be on everybody who hasn't dealt with Abby on a caffpow high faces.

“Spike doesn't count.” Abby pouts.

“I'll tell him that, he can start tormenting you with blood in your cereal.” Xander grouses. Faith cackles.

“Twilight?” Dr. Stark asks.

“Dr. Cullen is one of the characters from a very popular series of young adult books. There's been one movie and there are plans for a movie made from each book. The story revolves around Bella Swan, a newcomer to Forks, Washington. She meets Edward Cullen and falls in true lu-urve.” Faith says in a sing-song voice. “Edward and his entire family are vampires that don't feed on humans, they live on animals. Over the series of the books Bella is in danger from werewolves and other vampires, finally they end up marrying and having a little girl.” Carlisle shakes his head. “Your breed of vampire was different than the ones we're used to,” she smirks. “You sparkle!”

“Is this everybody?”

Xander looks around. “Nope, Dawnie's still not here.” He walks over to a phone and dials his apartment. “She's on her way,” he reports when he hangs up. “She says she felt grody and took a shower.”

The vampires exchange looks. “Do you have a problem with vampires?”

“Nope,” Faith says, popping the P sound. “Not as long as you got souls and aren't trying to kill innocents.” Dr. Stark looks at the others and fangs out. “Ha, ya owe me ten bucks Xan, I told you Dr. Stark felt like a vampire.” She chokes when Eureka's House fangs up. “Now that is just wrong, Gregory House is a vampire.” She pouts and stomps off. “Eternity with House terrorizing people.” DCIS's House chokes from the hall leading to the exam rooms as Chase cackles.

“Where you going?” Xander calls after her.

“Going to check on little D.” she calls over her shoulder. Ten minutes later Dr. Stark, Dr. Blake, and Eureka's Chase lift their heads as they feel an ancient magical presence heading towards them. They turn to look at the doorway as Faith returns, a young woman in her late teens following her. Stark blinks. Ohhh, he knew that Dawn Summers was an ancient artifact called the Key made into human form from watching the Buffy tv show, but to be confronted by the actual reality.

“How you feeling Dawnie?”

“The nap helped, but I still have a headache from the magic that brought us here. Stupid little prick, he didn't have any idea what he was doing. Do we have any idea on how we're supposed to get home?” She looks at the familiar people surrounding her, noticing there's two of House and Chase. “We're in Eureka?” Everybody nods. “This world's version anyway.”

“Cool! I can tap into the ambient energy here and create a portal to get us home then.” She starts bouncing, at least until Xander catches her by the wrist. “No!” he says firmly. “No messing with portals. One or two people cross country is okay, Hell going from Atlantis to the base and back is more than I like you doing. No way in hell am I going to let you open a portal to bring the whole base across dimensions.”

“Xander.” she pouts.

“Not a chance DawnMeister. I will pull you over my knee and blister your ass if you even think of opening a portal to send us home. Then I will perform a séance to bring your mother back and let her possess me so she can blister your ass after she yells at you. Then when we're finally home I will tell your sister what you thought about doing so she can yell at you.”

Dawn snorts. “Buffy's too wrapped up in her newest boyfriend to care.”

“Don't worry little D, with her dating history he'll turn out to be evil and she can slay him.” Faith chuckles, throwing an arm over her shoulders.

Dawn snorts. “Oh yes, like that will be soooooooo much better. Then she'd come whining to me about how she can't find a good man until I ship her ass back to Cleveland. And she has the nerve to complain about my boyfriends. I didn't make my boyfriend slip his soul and go evil when we had sex for the first time like she did.”

“That's because your sister's a lousy fuck.” Faith chortles. “She can't get a good man so she settles for bad boys. And you waited until you were eighteen, not like your sister slutty. . .errr, I mean Buffy.”

Dawn snorts again. “You were right the first time.”

A squeal has most of the room turning to look at that direction. Nathan immediately heads over to the two strollers that Allison had placed in the corner of the room, bending down and lifting out a baby. He looks around and Xander hurries to clean off a table for his use.

“Thank you.” he says as Allie spreads a changing pad out on the table. The baby squirms and howls, kicking his feet up as Nathan tries to undress him.

“Alex.” he complains softly. The huge smile on his face belies the complaint in his words. Xander comes over to look down at the baby Dr. Stark is trying to change. He blinks and waves on his feet, Dawn and Faith jumping towards him and grabbing his arms, pushing him into a chair. A hand rests on his back as his head ends up between his knees, a familiar voice telling him to take a deep breath.

Carter doesn't know what's going on, but he walks over and quickly changes Alex, picking up the now quiet baby and holding him in his arms as his mate takes care of the young man who had very nearly fainted upon seeing him.

“What happened?” Xander finally asks.

“It's a long story.” Nathan says, looking over at his son in Jack's arms.

Xander snorts. “If it's one thing we have, it's time.”

Faith and Dawn look at each other, what is going on? Why would Xander nearly faint at looking at the baby? Dawn looks over at the baby in Sheriff Carter's arms and whimpers, her hand over her mouth when she sees a familiar pair of chocolate brown eyes looking back at her.

“Later,” Stark says firmly.

Xander chuckles softly as he's pulled back up in the chair, leaning against the back and looking at the room through hooded eyes. At least he knows now why Doctor Stark had looked so stunned when he'd seen him walk into the room.

Eureka's Horatio looks at Speed. “What happened when the others found out you were alive?” DCIS Horatio moans, hiding his face in his hands. “Well, Eric nearly fainted when I walked up to him at the airport, he'd been expecting Xander but he was off on another case. The others kidnapped me trying to get me to stay in Miami, but I got free and called Dawn for a ride back to the base. After another case that ended up with part of Miami's and NY's lab crew in another dimension, they ended up leaving the labs and joining DCIS.”

“Why New York's lab?”

“Danny Messer and Don Flack had taken job offers from DCIS, they'd headed back to NY to faciliatate opening an office there. Mac tried to get them to stay, when they headed back to North Dakota they put in their resignations and followed them. Messer was stunned when he walked into the cafeteria, sat down, and Stella handed him a cup of coffee.”

DCIS's Horatio snorts. “You weren't too quick on the uptake either Speed, you just blinked and stared at Alexx while she filled your plate.”

“Hell H, I'd spent most of the night before filling out reports. I was still half asleep.”

Back to index

Chapter 2 by josette grover

Author's Notes:

Partial chapter that takes place immediately after the last one.  I'm posting it because I hit a good place. . . and I'm at nearly 7000 words.  I won't hit the 10000 by November 2nd like I did last year (last year I had an entire weekend to write) but I might make 7500 by tonight.

Nathan chuckles softly as he listens to Horatio talking to his former coworker. He knew the younger man had missed him terribly, now he can see why.

He drops into the chair Chase vacates, smiling when he sees the younger man had only opened the files for those DCIS agents who actually are there. “Jack, I'm your Doctor of Record, I'll take you first.”

He smirks as Xander makes a Taps sound as he passes him, the other man reaching over and swatting him gently on the shoulder. “Smartass.” he says.

“So, I was wondering,” Abby says, turning to Dr. Cullen. “In the books you can't eat food, you just throw it back up. Can you eat food? From what Xander's said, Spike and Angel do.”

“Yes, I can eat normal food. And no, I don't glitter, whatever that is.” Carlisle says. He has to introduce this amazing young woman to his children, she'd drive them nuts without even trying. Esme would love her though.

“In the books, when you're exposed to direct sunlight, you glitter like a prism.” Xander says from his chair. “Because of this, you live in Washington state where they're supposed to get a lot of rain.”

“My foster son lived in Cascade Washington,” Nathan says. “He complained loudly and often about being wet and cold.”

“Do you have these books?” Carlisle asks.

“Yeah, we've got quite a few sets of them on the base, I know there's at least one set here in the infirmary, the girls like to giggle over them while they're recovering from their injuries.” Xander flaps a hand in the direction of one of the wards down the other hall. Faith snorts and goes looking, returning with one of the books.

“I could only find the first book, I'll have to look in the library for the others.” she hands it over to Carlisle. He looks at it and puts it on the table, tapping Daniel on the shoulder and leading him towards an exam room.

Stark sticks his head out the exam room door, looking at DCIS Chase and House. “Do we have a lab we can run blood tests in or do we have to send them to GD?”

“Yep,” Abby says bouncing, “my lab's upstairs.” She reaches out, grabs him by the hand and drags him out of the room. The other Eureka natives blink at the great Nathan Stark being drug along by the girl, the DCIS people just chuckling and shaking their heads. Rodney, wanting to see the lab where this girl, he still can't get his mind around the idea that he's dating her, works, follows along behind them. She reaches out with her free hand and grabs him.

“Anybody else get the vision of a Doberman being drug along by a chihuahua?” Xander asks from his chair. The Eureka natives snicker.

“What does that make Rodney?”

“One of those grumpy mixed breeds that yap, bounce, and generally annoy you, but when you finally get past the bluster you have a friend for life.” Sheppard snickers. “That still yaps, bounces, and annoys you.” Everybody who knows McKay snickers.

Abby smirks and turns to see the look on their faces when they enter her lab. She's not disappointed. Fargo had told her that her lab would fit right in at Global Dynamics, she's pleased to see that Dr. Stark seems to agree. Rodney's also prowling through the room, but she can see he's looking at the small touches to the lab her honey's brought with him.

Rodney sees pictures scattered around the room, pictures of her, him and others, some that he knows and some he doesn't. There's a young girl in some of the pictures, and one where they're eating? He picks it up and looks at her. “That was our first official date, we went into town to a restaurant some of the others had recommended. The car conked out on us and we ended up walking back to the base.”

A machine beeps and she turns to it, punching buttons and taking out the sample.

“You used to work in the lab before you joined DCIS?” Dr. Stark asks.

“Yep, I worked for the DC NCIS out of the shipyards in the lab.”

“Abby's being modest, she was the lab.” Xander says from the doorway smirking. “The only one for the entire building, we let her have assistants here.”

“Madam Director gave me an assistant once, too bad I didn't ask for him, he wasn't qualified for the job, and oh yeah he'd been fired from his old one for falsifying reports. Tony caught him and got him fired, too bad she didn't check his records. He framed Tony for murder, I ended up tying him to a chair with duct tape and finding the evidence of what he'd been doing. That was just one of the reasons I took this job, having Tony here helped of course.”

“According to Gibbs, your old Director had to build a new lab and hire a full crew, seems nobody besides you wanted to work in the basement.” Xander tweaks on of her pigtails and she giggles. “Serves her right, I hope she cried over her precious budget the entire time. Did she really think she could replace me on the piddly little salary she was willing to offer?”

“Well, we never said she was smart.” Xander says. “She wouldn't have kept trying to get in Gibbs pants if she was.”

Abby snorts. “This is the woman who tried to burn Gibbs house down while he was sitting in the driveway in a limousine with the President of the United States and didn't think anybody would notice or try to stop her. Should've arrested her instead of putting her away in a fancy nut house.”

“Yeah well, the government can't let it be told that the head of one of their agencies went off the deep end because she couldn't handle the truth.” Abby giggles at Xander's bad Jack Nicholson impression.

“So will Abby's lab work for you?” Xander asks Dr. Stark. He nods and they head back down to the medical wing, Dr. Stark pausing to run his hand over Alex's head from his spot in Carter's arms. Xander has a brief tang of hurt when he sees how the older man obviously cares for his son, what would it have been like to have had parents that actually cared for him instead of their almighty booze.

A yowl from the table has everybody looking in that direction, most of the Eureka inhabitants, Faith, Xander, and those that have met the youngest slayer recognizing Miss Kitty sitting regally on the edge of the table. Xander automatically reaches over and rubs behind her ears, getting a huge purr and her head rubbed against his hand as a reward. She stops and stares at him, looking at him then to the babbling baby in Carter's arms, back at him, then over at Stark, clearly giving him the 'what the hell did you do this time' look that only a cat can give. If a cat could sigh, she would be.

Xander sits back down and Miss Kitty immediately leaps into his lap, purring as he pets her. Alex squirms in Sheriff Carter's arms and he lets him down, the baby toddling across the room to the chair, He giggles as the cat looks over at him, sniffs him, sniffs the man whose lap she's sitting on, seems to sigh again, and covers her eyes with a paw.

“Somebody's in trouble,” Eureka House tells his Sire in a sing-song voice.

“Shut up Gregory,” Stark moans. He pulls DCIS's Jack O'Neill into an exam room, shutting the door firmly behind him.

Back to index

Chapter 3 by josette grover

Author's Notes:

Second half of the previous chapter, I was stuck for a while then the bunny started spewing on me after I'd sent it.

A couple of kinda crude comments, but we're talking House and Faith.

Not only did I make the 7500 word mark I'd set out for yesterday (last year I hit 10000 by day 2 but I had a full weekend to write) I hit 8000.

DCIS Chase taps Dean Winchester on the shoulder. “Come on, you've been putting your own physical off for too long.”

“I've been busy.” Dean whines

“Yeah, making Faith squeal.” Xander snorts. Faith slaps him gently on the arm but she's grinning. “And you complained when Anya came to visit.”

“Dude, the entire building heard you and Anya going at it. I left and slept on Dad's floor to get some sleep. And I could still hear you.” he complains.

“You've been ducking us for nearly a month, House was about ready to hunt you down and drag you into a room.”

“Sorry, not that kind of guy.” he smirks automatically. John sighs and covers his eyes with his hand as Xander cackles.

“I dunno,” Faith gives everybody her best innocent look. “You do seem to like taking me there.”

Sam walks off shuddering. “That is sooooo not something I needed to know, Dude.” he complains.

Dean smirks. “What, you never did it doggie style with your girlfriend?”

“No!”

“Guess I'm going to have to find a good girl for you to date.” Dean cackles, rubbing his hands together. Faith rolls her eyes. “Good girls don't do it that way, find him a bad girl, we're better lovers. Good girls just lie there and think of England.”

Chase rolls his eyes, grabs Dean's collar, and pulls him into a room. “If you're good, I'll give you a lollipop when we're done.” can be heard before the door shuts.

“I'm surprised you left the Stargate project.” Carlisle says when he shuts the exam room door behind Daniel. “Yes, I know about it, I was even on Atlantis for a couple of weeks a month or so ago.”

Daniel sighs. “Our team was on permanent hiatus, the President summoned me one evening and told me about the agency, had all my stuff shipped up, and put me on a plane. Tony met me at the airport and briefed me on everything on the ride to the base.”

“Come on kid.” DCIS House pokes Xander with his cane. “Quit petting the nice pussy. . .” Faith cackles as both Fargos choke, “and get your ass in an exam room. You're damn near as good as ducking physicals as Dean.”

Miss Kitty gives him a disgusted look for that awful joke and making her move but gets off Xander's lap, leaping back onto the table and washing herself.

Back to index

Chapter 14 by josette grover

The doctors in the group spend the next few hours going over the results from the physicals, there doesn't seem to be any ill effects from their travel across dimensions. Henry and Jack Carter had helped Xander and Jack O'Neill lock up buildings that weren't in use to save water and the generators.

John Winchester was the only person who's not living in the married building or moved to somebody's couch or a vacant apartment while they were there. He'd flatly refused his sons offer of their couch, and Xander had agreed that one apartment wouldn't drain the generator too quickly. And it would make sense that everybody's not together in case the spell has a delayed effect.

Dr. Stark had offered to bring in somebody to patrol the area at night. Daniel had waved him off, they're in Eureka, Fargo had assured him that nobody would bother them, there might be people coming by to gawk at the new buildings outside of town, but that was all. Thankfully if they had to have been thrown across dimensions, they had landed in a safe place.

“Is it later?” Xander asks, looking up at Dr. Stark in the doorway of his apartment.

He looks at him, and nods. “They made a television of your exploits here.”

“Yeah, they did in our world too. Fargo told us after he joined us, you should have heard him squealing about Buffy.”

“He named Sheriff Carter's AI after the actress that played her on the show, Sarah Michelle Gellar.”

“He told us,” Xander chuckles. “Buffy pouted for days when she found out, she thought she was a lot cuter than the actress that played her. We just nodded and handed her ice cream. Some unfortunate vampire laughed at her during a patrol, she was able to take her frustrations out on him. He was very sorry before she finally staked him.”

“I'm not surprised, she came off as pretty shallow on the show.” Stark says tentatively.

“Yeah, the show was pretty much true to life, we're still wondering how the hell they knew so much about our private lives. We do know the initial idea came from a kid at graduation with us, his family was connected with the Watchers. They died during the bringers, which is why things were so much different the last season of the show. So do we exist here too or are we just a television show?”

“Just as a television show, there's no Sunnydale. Which is good, because I would have beaten Willow for some of the things she did on the show.”

“She needed it, if she had parents that hadn't ignored her all the time and let her think she was soooooo much better than everybody else she wouldn't have gotten so deep in her magic.”

“I noticed she wasn't here.” Dr. Stark says tentatively. Oh gods, this is so hard. This version of his son is so damaged, it's all he can do not to take the other man into his arms and hold him.

“She went psycho, decided I was normal again and sent me off on a tour of alternate dimensions where I hadn't gotten involved in saving the younger Slayers. I lost my arm in one of them, had phantom pain for a while after I finally got home. She was in a pretty little crystal in the Elders Hall for what she did, but I heard she got loose. She tried shutting down the base by hacking the electric company and telling us we didn't live here in Tony's name trying to get everybody to Cleveland because I was here, she got in trouble with the Feds for her hacking for that, though she probably got out of it why whining about how mean everybody was to her. Even Kennedy got over her 'I'm a Slayer and my Daddy's Rich so I'm special' mindset, realized what she was doing and left her. But enough about me and the problems in my life, what happened?”

“It's a long story.” Dr. Stark says.

Xander waves a hand around his apartment. “I got nothing but time.” he says dryly.

“Did you battle Glory? I noticed Dawn earlier.”

“Yeah,” Xander nods.

“In another dimension, you got knocked out and they told Tara to get you to safety. She used all of her magic, sending him here. I was at Gregory's hospital when there was a flash of light, when we recovered our sight, there was Miss Kitty sitting on his desk, a letter, and you were lying on Gregory's lap. You were two weeks old.” Xander whimpers, especially when Stark pulls out his wallet and shows off the baby pictures.

“What happened?”

“Tara wanted you safe, we think the spell warped as it sent you across dimensions. Your DNA was damaged when you arrived and you latched on the two nearest sources to fix it, biologically you're mine and Gregory's son.”

Xander moans, shaking his head. “House is a mother hen.”

Stark sniggers, but nods. “He hides his softer side, but the you here and his mates are a big chink in his armor. You were just under a month old when we got back to Eureka.” he smirks. “House pretended to be a lost tourist and waved a California road map at the Sheriff. Carter was trying to give him directions that would get them back on the interstate and not even more lost when Allison ahowed up and recognized him.”

Xander snickers softly. “That sounds like something he would do, he enjoys yanking people's chains.”

“Indeed he does.” Stark nods.

“So you, Dr. House, Dr. Wilson, Dr. Chase, and Sheriff Carter are raising me?”

“With Miss Kitty watching our every move and the rest of the town helping out whenever they can.” He smirks. “They're afraid you're going to turn out as snarky as Gregory and I for some strange reason.”

Xander looks at him. “I can't imagine why.”

Stark cackles.

“I wonder what it would have been like to have had parents that actually cared?” Xander asks softly. He hadn't meant to be overheard but he'd forgotten about vampire hearing. He squeaks when he's suddenly wrapped in a pair of arms, struggling for a second until he realizes that Dr. Stark is just holding him. He closes his eyes and leans into the powerful embrace, Stark looking up and nodding at John Winchester who's standing in the doorway with Dawn. She smiles sadly and shuts the door. Stark looks down at the boy he's holding and starts purring, not surprised when Miss Kitty appears in the middle of them and adds her own purring to the mix.

“See, told you they'd be okay.” she wraps an arm through his and leads him off to where the others are.

“Okay, why did you know Dr. Stark would go to talk to Xander?”

“You didn't see it, but Dr. Stark's son, Alex?” John nods. “He has Xander's eyes.”

John stops and stares at her a second. She nods. “Is that why he nearly fainted when he saw the baby?”

“Yeah, his parents didn't have many pictures of Xander when he was younger, but I've seen some and he looks identical to Xander at that age.”

“What do you think happened? Since Daniel says it doesn't seem you guys exist here.”

“I heard that, Tara sent him away when the battle with Glory went wrong. The spell warped while he was between dimensions.”

“What do you think happened?”

“If Xander wasn't there? She probably won and everybody's dead there. . . or wishes they were.” Dawn says quietly. “Literally Hell on Earth. We only won this time because Buffy sacrificed herself to close the portal she had opened with my blood.” John shudders.

“Glory?” John asks as they go down the hall.

“Glorificus, a hellgoddess bent on finding her key, the object that could tear through the walls dividing dimensions. She came to Sunnydale looking for her key. Opening the portal to her world world would have allowed everything to escape to our world.”

Back to index

Chapter 15 by josette grover

Horatio looks around Speed's apartment here on the base. Of course there are books everywhere, there's what looks to be a current CSI trade journal on the table, he picks it up and nods, it's this months. The articles are different though, so he sits down and begins to read. Speed and Ryan exchange amused looks over his head. Ryan automatically starts picking up items, causing Speed to chuckle and take them from his hands. Ryan flushes but Speed gives him a quick hug.

“I had just got off a case when everything went nuts. I'm sure you know how those are, you don't see the inside of your apartment for nearly a week and you drop straight into bed.”

Ryan nods. Speed waves to the couch, “Sit down and take a load off, I have a few more journals if you're interested.” He waves towards to bookcase in the corner of the room before heading into the kitchen. He's got to make sure the refrigerator isn't going to walk away by itself since he's been gone for a few days.

There's a note on the refrigerator from Calleigh, she'd cleaned out his refrigerator for him before anything could mutate into a monster that Xander had to slay. She'd replaced everything when she found out he was due home in a couple of hours. He smiles and starts making the three of them a quick meal.

“Soooo,” he asks when he gets back out in his living room, sitting down in what's become his favorite chair. “The two of you have sex yet?”

Ryan splutters as Horatio silently shakes his head. What is it with visitors from other dimensions and blunt questions about their love lives?

“Oh come on, it's obvious you two care for each other.” Speed snorts. “The two of you are nearly glued at the hip.”

Forget visitors from other dimensions, he'd forgotten how blunt Speed could be. But it's still good to have him back, even in another dimension, bluntness and all.

Outside the building, Eureka Fargo is blinking at the sight that greets him. His counterpart looks in the direction he's staring and grins.

“That's George, he's a Shrub Demon that showed up for sanctuary and got adopted by the Slayers. He's very protective of the girls, be careful he's got poisonous thorns.” Fargo walks over and pets George's leaves, getting a happy plant that's led inside the building. “He likes where there's lights. Abby's developed a new fertilizer for him.”

“What's the barn out back? Do you have horses?” Henry asks.

“Nope, those are for the unicorns.” Fargo says absently, not seeing the stunned look on his counterpart's face. He clicks his tongue against his teeth and a bleating can be heard. “The gray one is Binky, she showed up first. The white one is Digger, Binky can be petted by anybody, technically she's what's called a malicorn. Digger is a typical unicorn, only those who are still virgins can pet him. Be careful of their horns though, even a scratch will start the flesh dying. There's no antidote, you have to cut the affected flesh out before it spreads.” He pets Binky automatically as she comes up to him. Dawn comes out with unicorn treats, making them two happy beasts.

Allison nudges Carter on the shoulder. “What are you thinking Jack?”

“Whether I should bring Zoe out here to see if she can pet Digger?” he asks with a grin.

“Zoe would beat you.” Allison snorts. “You have to admit it eventually, your little girl is growing up.”

Henry looks over at them. “Ten bucks says Fargo can pet Digger?”

“Sucker bet.” Allison snorts.

Back to index

Chapter 4 by josette grover

Author's Notes:

Time jump, at least a day has passed since the last chapter.

We finally get introduced to the Eureka Winchesters.

The news that they once again had visitors from another dimension had made it's way around Eureka. But still people gawked when they saw their visitors walking down the street, Faith smirking and flipping her hair over her shoulder as she swaggers down the street. Dean Winchester has a stunned stupid look on his face, his brother rolling his eyes and storming off as John sighs, remembering years ago when he had first started dating Mary, he's sure he'd had an identical look on his face.

Eureka seems to be taking this rather well. Daniel Jackson thinks. Oh, he's heard the stories from Fargo about the strange events that went on while he lived there, he'd even seen how easily the townspeople had taken the news that Dr. Stark was possessing Xander and they were trying to get him out of the chamber and back into his own body. . .but this!

“Doesn't seem quite real?” Jack asks, leaning close to his old teammate. “Like it hasn't set in yet?”

“Exactly.” Daniel nods as they make their way down the street to Cafe Diem.

They're soon settled into a private backroom with Faith helping Dr. Stark lift and move tables into position so they can all sit down. Even Dr. Stark is stunned at her strength, oh he knew that Slayers were stronger than normal people thanks to the show but there's a difference between knowing and knowing.

“Okay, I believe that your counterparts on this world, those that are alive,” he says, looking over at Speed, “are either here in Eureka or nearby that we can contact. Our Winchesters left the other day, I e-mailed them, sending a clip of your presence, John should be coming in swearing demanding to know what the hell I'm up to any minute.”

Dean and Sam Winchester smirk at each other and look at their father. John gives them a 'what, you two are worst' look that nobody believes. “We are in contact with Atlantis, Daniel, our Daniel, will be down shortly.”

“I'm on Atlantis?” Daniel asks, stunned.

“Yes, SG-1 took over running Atlantis when we brought it to Earth.”

“Your Atlantis is on Earth?” Xander asks, stunned.

“Of . . .yours is still in Pegasus? Ours is orbiting the sun. Has been for nearly two years now.”

“Yes, can you contact Atlantis and send them some information? Our Atlantis is deserted right now, spores have infiltrated the shields and made people sick, forcing us to abandon it. Maybe you can help us figure a way to tweak the shields to weed it out, everybody's on our base right now or wherever it is that Jack works, I'm sure you'd have a lot of happy people if you can figure a way to get them home.”

Dr Stark pulls out his PDA, sending a message to Fargo at GD who sends it up to Atlantis. A return message appears a few minutes later, Stark reads it and nods. “Daniel is bringing Radek and a couple of other people with him, a botanist and the person who primarily deals with the shields.”

Rodney pouts at Daniel Jackson. “Why didn't you have me look at your records? I could have figured it out?”

“Why?” DCIS Jack O'Neill snickers. “You couldn't figure it out on our world.”

“Yes but I don't have a raven haired pigtailed vixen fucking my brains out on a nearly daily basis here.” He pouts, he'd gotten to know Abby once he'd gotten over the shock of finding out he was dating her. She's nearly as smart as he is, and can make the machines in her lab sit up and beg. She'd talked about the upgrades she'd performed on Atlantis's machines when DCIS had taken over, he'd pouted until she'd showed him her notes from the upgrade and examples of the new software. He supposes if he has to be with a woman on their world, he could do worse than Abby.

Daniel chuckles at the look on his face.

The door across the building opens and DCIS's John Winchester blinks as he sees himself storming into the building. Vincent behind the counter merely points at the back room. Oh, he's seen the duplicates of Horatio, Ryan, and Fargo, but it's different when it's himself coming towards them under a full head of steam.

Eureka's John Winchester stops in his tracks, turning around slowly to make sure that. . .yes, his boys are behind him. He rubs his eyes with his hands, but he's still sitting at the table in front of him with his sons.

“What the fuck are you up to this time?” he asks Stark. Damn it, he's a grown man. He shouldn't sound like he's whining, but this is strange even by Eureka standards. His sons stop and stare at the scene in front of them.

“Daaaaaaaaddddd?” Dean asks plaintively, then scowls. Damn it, he hasn't sounded like a whiny little kid since he was a whiny little kid. He scowls at Sammy when the other man chuckles.

“We've got more visitors from another dimension, I take it you recognize some of them?” Stark asks in his blandest tone. Carter rolls his eyes. “And you wonder why people think you're an arrogant asshole.”

Stark smirks. “Oh I know why they think I'm an arrogant asshole, and they're so very right.” Carter rolls his eyes and Stark leans close, capturing his mouth in a kiss. Xander shakes his head, he'd thought that Dr. Stark was attracted to Sheriff Carter when they'd been in Eureka, after things had settled down. . . this one seems a little more open in his attraction.

The three Winchesters from Eureka pull up seats to the table, Vincent appearing with food before they even finish sitting down. “Thanks Vincent,” all three say in unison. They'd only left town a few days ago, but they were already missing his cooking. Maybe it's time for them to settle down in Eureka and stop traveling?

John spends the meal pretending he's not staring at the other man across the table. From the smirks on his sons faces, he's not succeeding.

“Are you as freaked about this as I am?” John Winchester from DCIS asks when the meal is over and everybody is getting up to head to GD or the base.

“Yes.” Eureka's John Winchester says. He smirks as his son whimpers beside him when the beautiful brunette who'd eaten three big plates of food, making Vincent sigh with happiness that finally somebody has an appetite he can appreciate sits down in the other Dean's lap, wraps her hand and around the back of his head and begins checking his teeth for leftover food by kissing him.

“Dean, Faith, we're guests. The people here aren't used to people sitting down and trying to inhale each other after a meal.”

Vincent snorts and looks at Sheriff Carter and Dr. Stark. “Yes we are.” is all he says. Carter ducks his head as Stark possessively places a hand on his ass as they leave the Cafe.

Dean and Faith finally stop kissing and Faith stands up, Eureka's Dean moaning again when he sees how much skin is revealed by the outfit she's wearing.

“Damn, I'm tapping that?” he says automatically.

“Dean!” John is scandalized. Faith just smirks and winks over her shoulder. “Oh yeah, and you aren't that bad, once I got you trained that is.” She swaggers off, knowing everybody's looking at her ass. Who can blame them, if you got it flaunt it?

Eureka's Dean whimpers as DCIS's Dean cackles.

Meanwhile back at the base, DCIS's House is leaning back in his chair, Eureka's House sitting in a comfortable chair drug in from one of the other rooms as they talk.

“So. . .you're a vampire?” DCIS House asks in a deceptively bland tone.

“Have been for over nine hundred years.” he says. “So, you fucking Chase's cute little ass yet or are you still in denial?”

House splutters and chokes on the sip of coffee he'd just taken. He glares at the other man but the effect is wasted, he is House after all.

“No,” he finally says.

“Ahh, still in denial.” Eureka House says, leaning back in his chair. He smirks. “Or are you still a virgin to male sex?”

House splutters again, but he can tell the truth. He walks over to the other man, smirking before dropping to his feet in front of him. House moans as he feels the hot breath on his groin even through his pants. He moans and grabs the armrests of his chair, this is so wrong. He moans as nimble fingers he recognizes as his own unfasten his belt and pulls down the zipper. He moans as hands that aren't his slips into his pants and pulls out his cock that is rapidly swelling with the attention he's getting. He moans as a cool mouth envelops his cock, teeth scraping delicately against the length.

Eureka House uses every trick he likes his mates to use on him, not at all surprised when the other man starts cursing him, or when the curses turn to prayers. He smiles around the cock in his mouth as the other man's hands grasp his head. He controls the pace, smirking again as the other man curses him soundly. He teases the other man until he reaches the place where he knows he'd be about to come and swallows him whole. A spurt of cum is his reward and he drinks him down like a fine wine, cleaning him up and tucking him back in this pants. He's even nice enough to fasten and zip his pants back up.

“Bastard.” DCIS House finally says, shuddering as he comes down from his orgasm. Eureka House merely smirks at him. He stands up as he hears the others arriving back at the base.

Back to index

Chapter 5 by josette grover

The Eureka Winchesters follow the others back to the base, blinking at the cluster of buildings that had been an empty field a few days ago, they'd passed it on their way out of town. They pull up next to a building, the others parking in spots that seem to be theirs, or their equivalent anyway. They follow them towards what is obviously an apartment building.

“Your apartment Dad, or ours?”

“Mine boys, I doubt you've cleaned yours lately. I don't need to see Faith's underwear lying on the floor this time.”

He looks over his shoulder at the others. “You do have some questions about what happened, right?”

Eureka John Winchester nods firmly, following him into another building. He looks around and asks a silent question.

“It's the Slayers dorm, I live here to keep an eye on the girls.”

“How did you end up here?”

“The boys were going to get arrested by the FBI for killing two demons that they thought were human. Xander came in and offered them a solution, join DCIS instead and they'd work at getting their records cleared. I joined them after the big battle in LA.”

The Eureka Winchesters look at each other, Eureka Sam slowly holding up a hand. “In our world, they made a show of our exploits when one of the people we rescued proposed it to one of the studios. It's not real accurate, they've blown it all out of proportion.”

DCIS Sam Winchester nods, rubbing the back of his head. “Yeah, Willow sent us away because we were helping Xander and she didn't think he should be in charge. Dad blistered her ass for it, we got traded with the actors who played us on the show, the show or at least the scripts we saw, were pretty accurate up until a certain part of season one.”

Eureka John Winchester stares at his counterpart. “Then you did lose your wife to a demon?”

DCIS John Winchester nods. Eureka John shakes his head. “Damn, I'm sorry. I lost Mary in a fire, but it wasn't demonically caused. It was just a simple house fire, I shoved Sam into Dean's arms and told him to get out while I tried to go back for Mary.”

“How did you get involved in . . .”

“The supernatural?” DCIS John Winchester nods. “It's a long story, I moved after the fire, I couldn't handle seeing reminders of Mary everywhere, we moved to Silicon Valley. I got a job at a garage and we settled down into a life without her. Then Sam was about five and got the attention of a bad vampire that liked targeting kids. I got knocked silly but thankfully there was another vampire hunting him who was tracking him. Jim managed to get us both free. . .”

“Jim?” DCIS John splutters. “You don't mean Pastor Jim?”

Eureka John nods. “For a man of god, he's got one heck of a temper. . .and a mean right hook. He's semi-retired from hunting now, he introduced me to the world of the supernatural. We ended up here in Eureka where the boys were enrolled in school and there were plenty of people who were more than willing to watch the boys while Jim, Bobby, and I went on hunts.”

“Bobby? Bobby Singer? Let me guess, he's another vampire?” Dean holds his head, moaning when his counterpart nods. “They're both semi-retired now, Jim is one of the pastors here in town, Bobby has a scrap metal place outside of town, he handles the recycling for town and sells used auto parts at his junkyard.”

“So the two of you grew up here in Eureka?” DCIS asks the other versions of his sons. They both nod. “Graduated near the top of our classes and went on to universities. I got a full ride to MIT, I have a job here at Global Dynamics when we're not traveling on hunts.” Eureka Dean says. “I went to Stanford where I graduated with a major in history and a minor in languages.”

The DCIS Winchesters blink.

“I went for law.” DCIS Sam says slowly. “Yeah, they wanted to make us totally different on the show than what we are in real life.” Eureka Dean rolls his eyes. “Sammy's not as driven as they make him out to be on the show, though Dad's just as big a hardass.”

“Dean, language.” Eureka John moans.

“I'm more driven than the show made me out to be, they didn't want the big dumb one to be brainier than his little brother. . . you didn't leave the hunting life to go off to college, or get into a fight with dad because you did.”

“Did you get the thing that killed Mary?” Eureka John asks his counterpart.

“Yes, finally. We found information in the DCIS Library on how to kill it. So that's over, now we have to learn how to be a family. Thankfully we have jobs here, I've seen too many hunters crawl into a bottle after they finally manage to get the thing that got them hunting in the first place, without the drive to get them, they don't know what to to with their lives when it's not their anymore.”

“You get the same type of trauma in people who have survived horrible accidents or life threatening injuries, that's why counseling is so often part of the healing process. I'm thinking of going back for a psychology degree if we ever stop hunting.”

Eureka John Winchester looks at his son. “You never said anything about this to us.”

“The two of you are still active in the hunting Dad, I'm looking towards the future when being on the road so much gets old.”

“Actually,” Eureka John sighs, “I'd been thinking that myself. We've only been gone a couple of days but it's good to be home. Henry can always use more help at the garage since he's being called to GD so often, and I know Dean has a job waiting for him.”

Eureka Dean looks at his brother and father. “Feeling a little old there Dad?”

His father gets him in a headlock and gives him a noogie as Sam rolls his eyes. “Just thinking of the future, can you see us still on the road in ten years?” Eureka Sam gives his brother a shove when his father releases him. “Jerk.”

“Bitch.” he shoves him back.

“Boys!” both Johns snap.

“Yes Sir,” all four of the younger Winchesters say before looking at each other and laughing. Sighing, DCIS John hands his counterpart from this realm a beer. They tap their bottles together as they watch their sons antics.

“Take it outside.” one of them finally orders, sighing.

Back to index

Chapter 6 by josette grover

“So, did you really date Jess?” Eureka Sam asks his counterpart as they head outside.

DCIS Sam nods. “Damn I'm sorry, from the show she sounded like one hell of a woman .” he hugs him awkwardly.

“She was. She showed up Halloween when the barriers were thinnest, we sat and talked for hours. She told me that she didn't want me spending the next thirty years mourning her, she'd send me really nasty visions of whorehouses if I did.”

Eureka Sam snickers.

A jeep pulls up in front of the field and the occupants get out, staring.

“Why did Stark call us down?” Radek asks. He told himself he wasn't going to whine or complain, that's McKay's job but he'd been in the middle of something when he'd been summoned and told he was heading down to earth. He'd been patient, McKay would have been having a hopping up and down screaming fit by now, he's being good.

“It seems that the Atlantis there has problems with a spore that's making the inhabitants sick, they had to be evacuated. They want our help in finding a way to filter the spore through the shields or find a way to recharge the ZPM's and move Atlantis if we can't. Right now everybody's living on the base getting on each others nerves.”

Radek subsides into Czech, Jack O'Neill has the idea whatever's he's saying is not complimentary as they get into the jeep.

“Do they have any information on the spore?” Carson asks from the back of the jeep as they bounce across the field towards the buildings.

“I'm sure they do Carson.” Jack pulls up next to the Sheriff's vehicle as the second jeep pulls up over the hill behind them. Mini-Jack gets out from behind the wheel of the second jeep, Daniel getting out of the passenger seat. They stop and stare as the door of the building they'd pulled up in front of opens and a very familiar figure leans against the doorway, smirking.

“There's two of you.” Eureka Daniel looks at the man next to him, then at the doorway, and then back again. “The world is doomed.”

“Ha ha, get in space monkey. Hello mini-me, old me, Radek, Carson. . .I'm sorry, I don't think we've met.” he says to the last man getting out of the jeep. “Dawn, where's our Daniel and Dr. Stark?” he asks as he sees a young girl walk out of another building.

“Daniel and Dr. Stark are in the library, they figured it would be more comfortable. Abby went to get all the records from Atlantis on the spore and illness when we saw the jeeps pull up.” the young girl . .Dawn her name seems to be, says as she passes them, heading through the door Jack held open for her. She kisses him gently on the cheek in passing. “Thanks.” She heads up the stairs.

Jack heads towards the other building, the others following him automatically. He smirks when he hears Eureka Daniel's gasp and the other Jack's moan at the sight of all the books. Eureka Jack grabs Daniel by the belt when he lunges for the books.

“No, not now, we're here for a reason.” he drags him over to the table and pushes him into a seat.

“Sit, stay.” he orders.

“Should I bark?” Eureka Daniel smirks.

“Only if you're looking for belly scratches. You don't look like the type who likes their ears rubbed.” Abby says, bouncing into the room with the reports from Atlantis. Eureka Jack and Daniel choke while Dawn cackles and DCIS Jack and Daniel shake their heads, sighing. She pushes Rodney into a chair and drops into his lap. Rodney stiffens under her.

“What are you doing?” he asks quietly.

“Making Sheppard jealous.” she says just as quietly. “I've seen how he looks at you, maybe knowing we're dating in my world will make him finally make a move?”

Rodney shakes his head. He will never understand women.

Carson opens the file pushed in his direction, blinking when he sees familiar handwriting on the page in front of him. He shakes his head, why should reading what the you from another dimension wrote be any different that being cloned? He quickly reads the reports, sighing as he pushes the folders into the center of the table. Radek lapsed into Czech midway through the first page.

“Why have we not fixed this problem before now?”

Dr. Stark takes the folders that Carson has finished reading, shaking his head. “You're lucky not to have lost anybody. Any ideas on how to deal with the spore?”

“Any suggestions I would put out would be introducing something into the ecosystem to deal with it and that's something we wouldn't want to do, the Athosians have immunity to it so my suggestion. . .either find a way to change the shields to filter them which would be a bigger drain on the ZPM's than normal, or find the energy you need to move the base.”

“Do you have a planet in mind to move it to?” Carson asks.

Daniel brings out another folder. “We've narrowed it down to three possible worlds.” He hands over the folders. “Do you have any that you would rule out immediately based on what happened here?”

“None of these are familiar right offhand, I'll have to ask one of the cartographers if they have anything on these planets.” Eureka Jack says, looking over the folders. “We weren't on any of these planets when we were in Pegasus.” Sheppard says. “I got nothing for you either.”

Dr. Stark jerks his head in the direction of his Jack O'Neill.

/Should we bring a couple of them to Atlantis?/

/Well, they already know about it./ He says with the mental equivalent of a smirk.

“I'm probably to regret this. But how would you like to go to Atlantis?”

“Does this mean I get to see more than the inside of a room taking care of Dawnie who's suffering from magical backlash?” Xander asks as he drops into a chair.

“Don't touch anything there.” DCIS Daniel orders automatically.

The others look at him. “He's got the gene.” he sighs.

Everybody looks at Xander who smirks and nods.

“How strong?” Carson asks.

“Strong.” DCIS Daniel says with a moan. “Not as strong as Jack, but easily as strong as Sheppard.”

“Let me get hold of Global Dynamics and arrange. . .” Dr. Stark reaches for his phone.

Dawn smirks and throws her hands up, opening a portal to the control room in the corner of the room. Stunned, Sam Carter looks through the portal from Atlantis.

“That works.” Eureka Jack says as they push back their chairs and stand up.

Back to index

Chapter 7 by josette grover

Sam Carter blinks and stares at the portal that appears in the corner of the room. Next to her one of the techs calls security. She recognizes the people on the other side of the portal, moving aside almost automatically as they come through and the portal vanishes.

“Dawnie, you okay?” the young man with them asks.

“Yeah,” the teen girl says with a smile. “It's a lot easier when Atlantis is in the same galaxy as we are.”

“You've been on Atlantis before?” Sam Carter asks.

“Our Atlantis, yeah. You needed us to bring medicines up for an outbreak. Xander's got a temple in the Pegasus Galaxy. He brought some up that way, I opened a portal and brought some that way. It knocked me for a loop, Xander was shoved into a room and told to look after me to keep us out of the way.” she replies.

Xander snorts. “Like you were in any shape to go running around. This way they didn't have to have somebody watch us all the time.” He smirks as he sees their Daniel investigating everything in sight while Jack watches indulgently.

Eureka's Jack O'Neill walks up to his office. He comes out a couple of minutes later with something in his hands.

“Kid!” he calls.

“Yeah?” Xander looks up.

“Catch.” he orders. He throws a small ball towards the other man who snatches it out of midair. A picture forms in midair before vanishing, proving to everybody there that yes, he does have the ATA gene. He tosses the object back up to Jack like a softball and the older man puts it in his office.

“Somebody might want to keep an eye on Daniel, he's already halfway out the door.” he says from his superior vantage point. One of the security personnel heads after him and comes back, blinking. “Sir, I don't know what he said he was going to do to me if I stopped him, I don't know all the languages Dr. Jackson knows, but it sounded very nasty. I really don't want to find out the hard way.”

Rodney chuckles evilly and heads out the door.

“I'll go make sure he stays out of anything that's classified, since the Big Bad Marine is scared.”

“Permission to speak freely, Sir? Of Dr. Jackson? Hell yes.” the other man says fervently. Eureka Jack chuckles as Dr. Stark shakes his head.

“Call a cartographer up, please Carter?” Eureka Jack calls down. “Our guests are looking at having to move their Atlantis and they're looking at options.”

Carter blinks, giving her superior officer a what the hell are you doing look but does as requested. A timid little man that looks like he's never stepped outdoors and would faint if you said boo appears and scurries back to his office to gather the information he has on the three planets in question and any others that might also suit their needs.

The botanist had already left the control room, heading to the botany labs and other scientists to search for more information on the spore. Carson had already headed to the infirmary with the records from the illness and its treatment for their records.

“You guys want a tour while they're working? It will probably be a couple of hours before they have anything for you.” Dawn and Xander look at each other and grin.

“Can I bring my camera?” Dawn asks impishly.

“Yeahsureyoubetcha, not a chance in Hell.” DCIS Jack says automatically.

“I had to ask.”

Stark snickers at the banter between the three of them as his Jack comes down the stairs and leads them out of the control room. Both Jacks are enjoying the double takes they're getting from everybody they pass, the news that not only are there two Jack O'Neills but also two Daniel Jacksons soon making the rounds of the spaceship. Somebody audibly moans in the distance. Jack stops at a panel and punches in a series of commands on the panel.

The window clears showing the pier outside and the shields shimmering in the distance. He punches in another series of commands and the shields clear, showing the starscape outside.

“We can only leave the shields clear for a few minutes, it takes a lot of energy.” he says turning everything back the way it was, “but the effect is worth it, isn't it? Sometimes we almost can forget we're in space, at least until we come up here and switch the shields.”

“Have you managed to explore the whole city yet? I know our Atlantis hasn't.”

“Nope, here neither. But we're working on it now that we're back in the Milky Way Galaxy.” Jack says as they set off again.

“How do you handle crew rotations now that you're back on Earth?” Jack asks, this is something Atlantis is going to have to think of on their world if they ever get home.

“Two months on, one month off. We get shipments from Eureka the first of every month, that's when the shift changes are made. The only problem we had was when Evil took over GD, Nathan and Allison kept the news we had an alien ship from her. When Nathan and Allison took back over, things went back to normal pretty quickly.”

“Any complaints?”

“Nope, most of our civilians are from Eureka or worked at SG Command. Most everybody knows that their family members is on a top secret base, and can deal with it. When Atlantis first arrived back on Earth, I had nightmares of being stuck out in San Francisco bay, being able to see the city from Atlantis but some asskisser like Woolsey was in charge so we couldn't leave the base. Thankfully General O'Neill and his old team took over,this is a lot better.” Sheppard says.

“Most of the Atlantis personnel keep an apartment in Eureka and either stay there or travel to visit family and friends the month they're off.” Stark says. He glares at his Childe, who smirks back at him. “Then there's people like Jack, John Sheppard, and McKay, you basically have to tie them up and drag them off Atlantis because they've been up here too long without a break.”

“I was fine.” Eureka Jack says with a mock whine and a hurt look.

“You were willingly, willingly, Jack doing paperwork. You were bored out of your mind.” Stark snorts.

Dawn snorts and pokes Xander in the rib. “Sound familiar?”

“I don't do paperwork when I'm bored.” Xander says in a mock hurt tone. “Evil Wench.” he rubs his side with a grin.

“If I was, my crush on you would have gone a lot farther than it did.” Dawn snorts. “No, you create weapons when you're bored. Or you go to Vegas, find a demonic D&D game win that, when hundreds have tried before and since and haven't. . .or go to a bar with Dean and Sam in the next county that just happens to be crawling with succuba and demonic bikers who were killing cheating husbands and truckers and got into a fight for your lives ten minutes after you walked in the door?”

“And I thought Jack was bad.” Stark sighs.

“Hey,” Xander yelps. “I have years before I get as bad as Jack, after all I haven't been cloned yet.”

Dawn and Xander snort at the stunned looks the others give them. “Please,” Dawn flaps in midair. “Your project has more leaks in the demon community than a colander . Of course we knew you were cloned. Jon showing up for Thanksgiving just clinched it for us.”

DCIS Jack O'Neill walks off swearing in Arabic. Xander just smiles at his retreating back.

“Weapons?” Stark asks again.

Xander sighs and shakes his head, Dawn smirks and pats his shoulder. “During Halloween, the walls between the living and dead are at their thinnest. We had a whole bunch of our loved ones coming down to talk to us. Xander and Dean got possessed by members of the Geek Trio, they ended up bringing in Abby, to build all the things they hadn't been able to when they were alive. Xander still gets the urge to create things now and then, usually weapons when the idiot PTB send him a vision.”

“Visions?” Stark asks.

“Headripping visions, usually in my dreams. Me and Sam both.” Xander scowls.

“We're heading to sickbay then, let Dr. Beckett look at you. The Ancient's devices are better than anything we currently have.” Stark orders. Xander moans but settles with Stark gives him that look. Dawn nudges him with an elbow. “That's what happens when you have somebody who cares about you, or don't you remember making Mommy go to the doctor when she got sick?”

“Weapons? Any good?” Eureka Jack asks as his counterpart comes back. He moans.

“Yup, a few things that Daniel's making the other agencies buy, a few things that we were able to patent including. . .” Dawn reaches into her pocket and pulls out a familiar object that she turns on, “A working lightsaber.”

Xander moans. “Does Abby know you have that?”

“She gave it to me when we brought the files up from the lab.” She flips it on, everybody staring at the shimmering blade.

“Does it work?” Somebody asks. Dawn walks over to where somebody is trying to cut off a section of a thick heavy metal block with a laser, talks quietly to him, and makes a few swishes with the lightsaber in her hand. There's a pile of metal in front of him, suitable for what he needs.

“Yup.” She says smugly, shutting the lightsaber down and putting it back in her pocket.

“Please tell me Fargo isn't allowed to play with it?” Stark near begs. He can imagine Fargo cutting off a body part by accident.

“Nope, you've got to go through sword training first before we see if you can handle a lightsaber.”

Stark moans. Swords, that's even worse. Thankfully they're heading to the sickbay, he's suddenly got a headache.

Carson gets a look at his face when they enter the room and hands him two pills and a glass of water. He nods in thanks and swallows the pills, chasing them with the water wishing it was something a little stronger. “They have Fargo training with a sword.” he says at one of the nurses looks. She shudders, she knows Fargo from school. “Hopefully they have a good infirmary?” she asks. “House is in charge.” he smirks. She walks off cackling, she'd worked with House when he and Carlisle had come up for a couple of weeks. She'd thought McKay was snarky.. But then, he does have 900 years of practice on McKay.

“Xander, what did I tell you about not touching anything?” he hears Jack sigh. He looks around to see Xander petting the wall by one of the ancients machines. “What? She's a fine old lady, she deserves some attention. Even if she doesn't like being called old.” he tilts his head slightly to one side, almost like he's listening to something . . .or somebody.

“Please tell me you are not possessed.” Jack moans. “I swear kid, I can't take you anywhere.”

Xander sighs, why does everybody automatically think he's possessed whenever something happens? “No, she's not quite that alive.” Xander says with a smirk. “She likes having everybody living and working up here, she'd been lonely when the others left. She slept a long time, you arriving began to wake her up a little.”

“Could she help us find some things the ancients left behind?” Carson looks at him.

“She has,” he says, looking at them. “Or did you think it was just coincidence that you would be needing something and somebody would just happen to be going through a section you don't use and trip over it? She thinks McKay's cute in a grumpy bastard sort of way, she thinks he's a cranky little boy throwing temper tantrums, like a little boy pouting because nobody will play with him.” McKay splutters. “She does says she'd like to visit earth again someday, she misses being surrounded by water sometimes.”

“If we had a way to recharge some of the drained ZPMs we would land once in a while, once we found a place where we could be hidden.”

“She likes the idea you have for charging them, the machines are faster of course but that would work too. And she's so proud that you came up with that idea all on your own.”

Everybody stares at him, stunned. “There's machines to recharge the ZPMs?”

Xander blinks at him. “Of course there are, how else do you think they replaced them? They usually had two or three charging at one time, four or five in storage waiting to be switched out as needed, and the ones running the city.”

“There's more ZPM's in the city?” Eureka Daniel asks, stunned.

“Several,” Xander looks at him. “She's showing me a room with a bunch of them stacked like blocks. She doesn't know how long it's been since they were charged, so they might not be any good. But it wouldn't be any trouble to charge them again. Oh there's books on how to build them, but you won't need those for a few years.”

“Where?” Rodney finally asks. Xander looks up at the ceiling.

“She's laughing, she thinks you're children who need to earn a treat instead of just having it handed to you. She's diverting solar energy from the shields to fix some of the areas of the city that haven't been used for a while, when they're fixed you can start looking. Oh, and you don't need to keep worrying about draining your ZPMs, she's not using that much energy for the shields.” He seems to listen for a few more minutes.

“Is there anything she'd like?” Carson asks. He can't believe this is actually happening, but the others from the other dimension seem to believe the young man.

“For people to talk to her more?” Xander says with a smile. “She likes it when Radek pets the walls on the way to his room when he's been working late, though she thinks you work too many hours. You need to stop and get some rest before you fall asleep over what you're doing.” Radek blushes but nods.

Carson finally gets Xander to come away from the wall, lying him down on one of the ancients devices and running scans. Dr Stark looks over Carson's shoulder at the heightened areas of brain activity, Xander reaches over the side of the machine, fingertips trailing against the wall.

“This is totally illogical.” McKay complains.

“Radek, the city says that that project you've been working on, it will work, you just need to be a little patient.” Xander calls. “You've got the right idea, just calm down and relax. It's supposed to be a pleasure, not a chore. And Rodney, yours isn't going to work. At All. Never Ever Ever. So quit pouting like a two year old, no throwing temper tantrums, move on and find something else to work on. Before she locks you in your room for being a brat.. . .again.”

Rodney stares at Sheppard, “I told you that there was something wrong with the lock on my door that time, but nooooo, it couldn't be, it was just my imagination.” he walks off.

“I'd go apologize before he gets into something he shouldn't and blows something up.” Xander says. Sheppard looks at him, then quickly leaves the room, heading the direction McKay had stormed off in.

“Ahhh, young love.” Xander sighs. Dawn giggles. He gets up stretching when Carson is finally finished. Carson blinks at the readings when Dawn gets on the table. He'd never seen a human being with that type of energy, not even some of the more powerful magic users or the older vampires. Not even Dr. Stark's readings were that high. Dawn just shrugs at his look. She wasn't going to explain, she still feels weird about so many people knowing she's the key.

They finish the tour back at the control room, Daniel pouting that the visit was being cut short but looking happier when Dawn says that she can bring him back up before they head home. Even she can hear the city pouting at the idea of Xander leaving. They both pat the wall when Dawn opens the portal. Everybody moans as the lights go out, Radek starts stroking a wall, murmuring softly in Czech until the lights come back up. Jack sighs, this is weird even for Eureka standards.

Back to index

Chapter 16 by josette grover

Author's Notes:

Some Willow bashing in this chapter, Abby doesn't have the blinders the others have when it concerns Willow's magic problems since she's not a friend who makes excuses for her like the others.

“Abby, have you seen Dr. Stark?” Dr. Blake asks her when she enters the lab building.

“Yeah, he and the others went up to Atlantis.” Abby says. “Dawn opened a portal and they walked right into the control room.”

Dr. Blake blinks at her.

“You know about Atlantis.”

“Oh yes, I've been up there a few times in our world. Of course it's still in Pegasus there. . .”

“Why?”

“We upgraded their computers to match ours when we took the project over, since it was nearly Christmas and they were so far from home the Slayers did a Secret Santa present thing for them, since not everybody celebrates that day.”

“They must have enjoyed that.” Henry smiles. “What kind of presents did you get?”

“Nothing too personal that might have been taken the wrong way. Books, movies, tv shows, video games they can play off duty. Journals and stationery. The only personal gifts were for my honey and those crew members we knew pretty well from being here on the base.”

“Your honey?” Dr. Blake asks. Henry turns to hide his grin from her.

“Oh that's right, you weren't here then. I'm dating Rod in our world.”

“You're dating McKAY?”

“Yup.” Abby bounces. Dr. Blake blinks, she cannot imagine Rodney McKay and this girl dating. Hell, she can't imagine Rodney McKay dating period. Henry smirks and points towards a picture on the desk, she walks over to see Rodney McKay with his arm around Abby, smiling. . . smiling at the camera.

“When was this taken?”

Abby looks over, “First holiday after Daniel's old project got shoved under ours, I think.” She picks up the picture. “Yeah, we hadn't officially started dating yet.” She puts the picture down and picks up another one. This was our official first date, we got recommendations on restaurants. .the car broke down and we had to walk home.” She pouts. “We found out later some person had tampered with the car and put a bomb on it, thankfully they were inept and put in a wire backwards. I'm sure Xander had fun beating on them for being so stupid before they were arrested.”

“You have patents?” Henry had seen the paperwork on a table.

“Yep, I was going through it earlier.” she bundles everything together and pushes it in a drawer. “Dean, Xander, and I got possessed by semi-evil geeks from his old town.”

“The Evil Trio?” Henry asks. “A few of us went to the video store when we realized that Faith and Xander are from a television show here.” Abby blinks and shrugs. “We know the Winchesters are a television show, Willow tried to get them to stop helping Xander by sending them away, they were replaced by the actors from the show for a few hours until John beat her ass into bringing them back.”

“Willow should have been beaten for half the things she did on the show.” Allison scowls. “The rest should have gotten her dealt with. . .permanently.”

“I don't know what she did on the show, but she's gotten worse since Xander got sent off with the younger girls. She's on her 'he's normal' kick again, so was Buffy for a while until Faith and Dawn smacked the shit out of her verbally when she got out of the coma.”

“Coma?”

“The old Watchers. They wanted to go back to one Watcher, one Slayer and set off a bomb at the Hyperion, then tried forcing down Xander's plane when he went and got most of the Slayers who had been on the Hellmouth. I wasn't there, I got hired by Tony just after DCIS got started officially, but Giles. Angel, Buffy, and about a dozen Slayers were in a coma for over a year. When they woke up Giles had a fit because Xander had taken over, because 'he hasn't the proper training to be a Watcher' but the other girls stuck up for Xander and how he treated them and the other Slayers got their attitude knocked out of them very quickly. Well, except for Tiff who had a small break with reality but she had had special girl problems back in Sunnydale from what Dawn said. She got some psychiatric help, and moved to Atlantis. . .” the others blink at her. “The structure helped her. She's got her head on straight now. Willow had vanished, the others figured that she was stuck in Spike. He showed up and they finally got her out of him and she started pulling her shit.”

“Why hasn't anybody dealt with her before now.”

“Buffy had to pull her head out of her ass and realize that she was deliberately hurting him and it wasn't a 'whoops'” she says in her best sarcastic little girl voice, “moment with her magic that somehow always got Xander. She protected her a lot when she shouldn't have.” she snarls. “Too much of the special girl, you're just normal headset she was in in high school. She couldn't believe her friend would really try to hurt somebody else.”

“She's an enabler, letting Willow go on deeper and deeper into her magic instead of making her stop or stopping her when she realized what she was doing.” Allison says bluntly. Abby nods.

“Who's the girl?” Henry asks, picking up the picture Rodney had been looking at earlier.

“Annabelle, she's one of the Slayers, but she's interested in science. We've got her working in the lab a lot so she's more advanced there than the school teaches in her year. They'd have put her up a year but her geography grades sucked. They ended up getting a new science teacher because that one taught all the years and wasn't that good in the first place.” Abby smirked. “With the Slayers attending school, the district got quite a few new teachers.”

“Any problems with the school?”

“A few of the students being buttheads because the girls weren't putting out. Some jealous bitches who caused trouble but got expelled for their problems. One of the local witches tried to make Dawn pregnant because she was a jealous bitch but got one of the slayers instead, one who was John Winchester's all but foster daughter so she got her ass beaten for that.”

“The girl?”

“Is being cosseted by all the Winchesters and Faith. She's the second Slayer that got pregnant since becoming a Slayer, Crissy, one of the older girls in LA who prefers to stay out there has a set of twins, she was only expecting one but Dawn had a magical oops when she had fun with her boyfriend and it created a second baby?” she looks at Allison who nods. “It's been known to happen, especially when someone as powerful as her loses her virginity. But she should have been shielded.:”

“Oh she shielded the hotel room but it still happened.”

“If she's that strong, not everything can be shielded.” Allison nods.

“So we found out. We thought she was having a little girl, she had twins that Xander ended up delivering. The little girl was from Dawn's oops moment, she was actually having a little boy.”

“The father?”

“A slimy asshole who was dating her and broke up to get married the next day. She's better off without him. She said something about a boyfriend earlier, but we didn't get a chance to scare him.”

“The other Slayer who became pregnant after she was chosen?”

“Yeah, one of the older girls that wasn't in Sunnydale had two small children with her husband. She was brought to the base when we started gathering the girls who weren't here yet. The Slayers are all on birth control since Slayer menstrual blood draws demons to them. Slayer blood always draws demons, but menstrual blood is worse for some reason.”

“How bad did Rosenburg go?” Henry finally asks, he knows she's not telling him everything.

Abby looks at him and sighs, dropping into a chair. “Bad,” She finally says. “Like every addict who hasn't took responsibility for her own actions, she claimed she was doing it for everybody's best interest. She sent Xander to another dimension where he hadn't gotten involved with DCIS and gotten the younger girls to safety or gotten most of the other Slayers in LA to safety. There wasn't enough Slayers left to deal with the invasion and the world was destroyed. . .or at least it was in one of the five alternate dimensions she sent Xander to until he finally found a way home. She had gotten her magic stripped from her before that but killed a demon for his power. That's what got her put away in a pretty little crystal by the Elders for a while. We found a note that the Slayers age out of their powers on their 23rd birthday, Willow didn't like the idea that Buffy would be without her powers and without asking her warped the spell. We had a lot of baby. . .and I mean babies Slayers getting activated until Dawn was able to warp the spell. We got a lot of older Slayers too, including Jack's friend Sam Carter. The younger Slayers are potentials now, they're automatically activated when they're old enough. The older ones were given the choice whether they wanted to be Slayers or not.”

“I thought you hadn't told me the entire story.” A familiar male voice says as a portal opens outside the lab. Everybody who'd been on Atlantis walks through, Dawn shutting the portal down behind them.

Xander shrugs. “Not my place to tell, she thought she was doing the right thing.”

Dawn rolls her eyes. “She always thinks she's doing the right thing, then sobs moans whines whimpers and promises she'll be good when she's caught. She goes right back to doing what she thinks is right when people aren't staring over her shoulder. She had a whitelighter who tanned her ass for what she was doing and still got back into trouble. Some people are evil and some are just stupid, I don't know which one fits Willow.”

“She was never the same without Tara.”

“She was getting into this shit before Tara died, so that's not an excuse she can use. And lots of people lose the people they love without trying to destroy the world.” Dawn says sadly. She hands Abby the lightsaber and heads back to the library to work on a manuscript she'd been translating for the others.

“She's still my Willow,” Xander says sadly at everybody's looks. “I can't turn my back on her completely.”

“You're a better friend than she deserves.” Abby says firmly.

“Is that what I think it is?” Henry asks, staring at the lightsaber in Abby's hand.

“Yup,” she smirks, turning it on. Henry blinks and moans.

“Dr. Stark wants to look over our notes on everything we built, Abby.”

“Cool, I know there's some things that don't quite work we can't figure out. Xander comes up to tinker when he gets frustrated, but he's been busy with cases lately.” They walk into the lab and Abby brings up the records from what they built during that night and what they've been working on since.

“Dean Winchester works with you?” Stark asks over his glasses, looking up from a report.

“Yup,” Abby nods. “He and Xander claim they don't understand the science but they've got good heads for figuring out what works and what doesn't”

“I'm not surprised, he's got a degree in engineering from MIT here.”

“Hmm, I'm going to have to get on him about taking some college classes then.” DCIS Daniel says. “Him and Sam, they can do most of it on the computer.”

“Get Sam to see if he can finish his law degree?” Xander asks. “We can use a lawyer when we have to take over cases from local authorities. Either that or history or languages degree since he's doing most of the researching here?”

“Very good idea.” DCIS Daniel makes a note on his PDA. “This will take some of the work off me if we have more than one person who's got a language degree. I usually end up getting called in by other agencies who don't want to listen to Sam because he doesn't have a degree. I end up agreeing with him and politely calling them idiots. When I don't want to be polite, I call in Dean or Xander.” Jack, both of them, cackle at his smug bland tone. He gives them his best innocent look that no one believes.

Henry, Allison, and Stark moan at the energy source they'd come up with from the portal device, thankfully Abby had copies of the reports they'd made on its use on Atlantis so they could see how it worked in something other than clinical tests. That would be perfect for some of the smaller labs. The fact that it put out nearly as much water as it used and created heat was a side benefit.

“They've got one hooked up to the water purification unit on Atlantis.”

“Then maybe we can do the same?” Eureka Jack asks. “Can it be bigger?”

“We tried it that way, we ended up making more units instead.”

“That works for us too.” he decides. He looks at Stark. “Can we duplicate them?”

“Easily.”

“I want a lightsaber then.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Both Daniels and Stark say in unison.

“Because you know me?” Both Jacks say smugly.

Back to index

Chapter 8 by josette grover

Author's Notes:

Takes Place a couple of days after the last chapter.

WARNING--Major Spoilers for the story that happens before this one that is currently unfinished but I'm going to be working on when I hit 50,000 words.

Abby looks up from the object she'd been tinkering with when Fargo comes up to the lab.

“You busy?” he asks her.

“Trying to figure out why this isn't working but it's something that can wait for a while. What's up?”

“We got a request from the school, they want somebody to come speak to the kids about what you do, the DNA testing for the Slayers, the lab work you do on cases, and what you came up with when the geeks possessed you on Halloween.”

“You don't think Xander or Dean would be a better choice? I am a little. . .avant garde for Eureka tastes?” she says disbelievingly.

“I think you'll freak out some of the more conservative people in town, but you know your stuff and when you start talking they'll forget what you look like and hang onto every word.” Dr. Stark smirks from the doorway. “I've talked Xander into joining me at Global Dynamics to go through some old projects that was scrapped to see if he can get anything from them.”

“Should I tone it down?” She looks down at her usual outfit.

Stark smirks again. “I wouldn't.”

An hour later, Abby takes a deep breath as she steps onto the stage at the high school. She smirks at the look her clothes garner, remembering Dean and Xander's advice to show her ass.

“Hello, my name is Abigail Scuito, I'm the head of R&D for DCIS, I was the lab tech for NCIS's DC branch for ten years before that. I'm currently ABD for my Doctorate. . .” She soon gets into the rhythm of the speech, ignoring the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. This isn't any different than some of her lectures at conferences or being on the stand for a case, in fact the kids here were probably smarter than some of the defense attorneys that tried tripping her up on the stand only to make themselves look like fools.

In the audience Pilar nudges Zoe. “What are you thinking?”

“I could totally freak Dad out if I came home looking like that.” she giggles.

“You would be in so much trouble.”

“Ladies?” One of the teachers says.

“Talking about freaking out your parents?” Abby asks with a grin. “I get that a lot, parents are totally freaked that I'm a goth girl with an excellent job that allows me to be myself. I ruled the lab at NCIS, every other team but Gibbs was scared of me.”

“How did you become head of your R&D division?”

“I lucked out, the President grabbed a member of Gibbs team as head agent for the new agency they were developing. I was his first and only choice, he knew me so well he was able to tailor make the proposal for me. I was more than happy to come work for him, him leaving the team like that had made Gibbs even more grumpy than usual.”

Meanwhile at GD, Xander puts his badge on and follows Dr. Stark to his office. Nathan automatically goes to the crib and playpen set up in the corner of the room, smiling down at the babies napping.

“How have they been?” he asks Allison when she's off the phone.

“They've been absolute angels all morning, which means they'll be crying all afternoon.” she snorts. “Good morning, Xander.”

“Good morning Dr. Blake.”

“What do the two of you have planned this morning?”

“I thought I'd go over some of the older projects we had on the shelves, see if he can do anything with them.” He looks at Xander. “We have a town resident who does the same thing, in fact I think he's here today, I'll have to introduce the two of you.”

They head to the elevators, passing people who turn and stare at the young man with Dr. Stark. Stark puts an arm comfortingly around him when Xander starts tensing up and they walk into the empty elevator.

Xander blinks when he's led down the hall to a lab. There's a man sitting at a table, his back is turned to them but he looks familiar. Or as familiar as a back can be anyway. White shirt, a pair of suspenders over that and . . .he looks around, a military greatcoat hanging on a hook by the door.

“Jack, this is Xander Harris, I brought him in today to look at some old projects to see if he can do anything with them. Xander, this is Jack Harkness.”

Xander blinks. “You're a television show on our world.”

“I hear that a lot.” Jack smirks. “Yes, I'm real and as magnificent as they made me out to be on the show.”

“And as modest.” another voice says as another man stands up from his spot on the couch. “Hello, I'm the Doctor.”

Xander just blinks. “Holy Fuck!” he finally says.

“I love having that effect on people.” Jack smirks. “Some people have claimed that I'm a God in bed.”

“Jaaaccckkk!” The Doctor half chides, half laughs. “Behave? Or at least try?”

“Why? Being naughty's more fun.”

“And you're a television show in my world too. I used to love watching adventures of the previous Doctors while I was growing up.”

“I've watched the show, or at least the version from Josette's world so I know what you're talking about.” The Doctor says dryly.

“We're a television too on our world,” Xander says. “I understand completely. Did season two of Torchwood happen like it did on the show?”

“Somewhat.” Jack says sadly. “But Season three did not happen, thankfully. I did lose my Ianto as well as well as Toshiko and Owen.”

“I was sad about that, I liked the grouchy little bastard, reminds me a lot of the people I work with. I couldn't stand Gwen though, I'm surrounded by somewhat whiny girls in real life, I didn't like watching them on television.”

Jack snorts but nods. “After we lost most of my team, I shut Torchwood down, we took out what artifacts we could fit in the TARDIS and buried the rest under a load of concrete, packed up Myfanwy and went traveling for a while before we settled in Eureka.”

“Jack, I brought Xander up to help you go through some of the older projects that were scrapped, he's been working on some inventions in his . . .” Dr. Stark's voice trails off when Xander starts walking towards the table.

“Xander?”

“This reminds me of something the geek Trio was trying to build, but they never found the perfect power source for it.” he shakes his head, trying to shove the thought back where it had come from. He pulls out a thick pile of papers, handing them off to Jack. “This is what I've built since then. My building seems to come in fits and starts. . .sometimes I go a couple of weeks without the need to build anything, then I'll spend two or three days in the lab. Daniel usually gets after me when I get too much waiting to be tested.”

“So what do you think about these?” Jack throws an arm around Xander's shoulder and leads him to the table where a mixture of failed projects lie scattered like a little kid taking off clothes as he runs to the bathroom. He had felt the other man stiffen momentarily when he'd touched him, he mentally curses his parents. Both of them are soon tinkering with the projects, the Doctor and Stark giving them amused looks as they talk on the couch in the corner of the room.

“So,” Xander says absently, “Was Ianto as hot as they made him out on tv? Toshiko seemed nice, but a bit of a cold fish, and like I said Owen was an annoying little prick but I work with Gregory House, I'm used to sarcastic bastards.”

“Yes, yes he was.” Jack says smugly.

“Bet he was a screamer. He seemed the type that always had to be in control of himself during the day.”

“Oh yes, he was very pretty, writhing under me. . .” Jack's eyes glaze over as he remembers Ianto lying under him on a set of black satin sheets, a nice contrast to his white skin as Jack stretches him.

/Jack grins evilly as he nips gently on Ianto's neck, his high collar will hide the hickey but still remind the younger man of who he belongs to. Ianto moans as he spreads his legs, silently cursing the older man when Jack continues to torment him by playing with his cock and balls instead of fucking him like he wants.

“Patience, Ianto.” he purrs, his slick hands sliding on Ianto's cock.

“Fuck patience,” Ianto growls, “Better yet, fuck me.”

Jack chuckles and continues to tease Ianto until the other man is babbling and cursing him in Welsh and English. Finally Jack slides his hand between Ianto's ass cheeks. Ianto moans again as Jack teases him by brushing a finger against that puckered opening.

“Yyyyyeeeessssss,” he moans and comes when finally finally Jack breaches his ass with a finger.

A shadowy figure comes up behind Jack where he's stretching Ianto. Jack moans and throws back a hand when a slick finger makes its way into his ass, stretching him while he's stretching the man under him. When both Jack and the other man thinks the man under them is stretched enough, they move into position.

Jack moans as he sinks into Ianto's tight heat, burying himself to the hilt in one slow smooth motion. He bites his lip as his asshole stretches around the cock pushing against his hole. The other man sighs as his cock slips into Jack's ass. He pauses to allow Jack to become used to the presence in his ass.

“Move.” Jack orders with a snarl. The man behind him chuckles and grasps his shoulder, oh so slowly sliding into the other man's ass, teasing him just like he'd been teasing Ianto. Jack leans on his elbows, head thrown back in ecstasy as his ass is filled to the brim by the other man's cock. Finally, finally, finally he's buried to the balls in Jack's ass. He chuckles and bends down, tipping Jack's face back and kissing the pout off his lips. /

“Earth to Jack.” The Doctor says amused from his spot on the couch.

Jack shakes the images from his head. “Sorry, I was just . . .thinking.”

“We all know what you were just. . .thinking.” Nathan smirks. “Was it good?” Xander asks with a smirk. Jack nods and leers slightly.

“So kid, what's your love life like?”

Xander moans and shakes his head. “That bad?”

“Your friend Susie would have loved me.” He says sourly. “I draw evil women like a moth to a flame. My last steady girl was Anya, she used to be a vengeance demon named Anyanka.” The Doctor splutters into his tea. “She lost her power center and became human. She died a while ago, she came visiting on Halloween, complaining that the others were possessing me and couldn't get sex. She ended up becoming a vengeance demon again, this time over lost childhoods. She came visiting again a while ago, everybody complained because I kept them up with the noise while we had sex.”

DCIS John Winchester snorts from the doorway. “We were complaining about the chocolate you were on too kid. You ran to town and back . . .twice, and it's two miles one way, you fixed the holes in the holes in the lab walls from where you guys were testing, and you fixed the cracks in the swimming pool. We ended up knocking you out for our own sanity.”

“Sanity is highly overrated.” the Doctor says automatically. “Sorry, I spent too much time with Josette while she was here.” he moans when everybody turns to look at him.

“She is your daughter, even if she is from another dimension, I'd have been upset if you hadn't spent so much time with her when she was here.” Stark says firmly.

“Would she be tall with long and I mean lllloooong blonde hair?” Xander asks abruptly. “One of those natural blondes that looks white in the right light?”

“No, that would have been her adopted sister Greta.” The Doctor says. “How did you know what Greta looks like?”

“I've had dreams of her for the last three nights. She's with Sheriff Carter and Dr. Stark, something's coming towards you. You're trying to shove her to safety, she grabs the two of you and floats in midair?”

The Doctor and Jack look at Nathan, stunned. He nods.

“Why would you be dreaming of her?” is the general question.

“I have no idea, she doesn't look evil enough for me to date.” He looks around the room.

“Xander?”

“I could swear I just heard somebody say that's a matter of opinion.”

“Greta's a little too young for you anyway, she's only about sixteen according to her brothers and sister.”

Xander shudders. “Nope, that would be like dating Dawnie or one of the Slayers.”

“What are you doing here John?”

“Making sure you don't accidentally blow up yourself, somebody else, or the building while you're tinkering.” he snorts, leaning against the wall. “Daniel told me Dr. Stark had brought you here to invent things.”

“I'm not that bad.”

“Uh-huh, drop the other one. Remember what happened to the testing building? I do.”

“It needed to be torn down anyway, Daniel said so. And I saved us 40,000 dollars.” he complains with a mock pout.

“That look didn't work on Sammy when he had to eat his vegetables, it's not going to work for you.” he snorts. “And there's a difference between tearing down the building and demolishing it. The pieces were small enough to pick up with your hands by the time the dust settled. What didn't get blown nearly a mile away.”

Nathan looks at him. “It was an explosive, I thought it would work for Sheppard and whatever he gets up to in Pegasus that we're officially not supposed to know about?”

“Unofficially?”

“I got a request to come help out a realm that had a problem.” Xander says. “We found out a wraith virus that looked to have come from Sheppard's neck of the woods. Radek and Carson were on earth on vacation, we called them in to look at it, Rodney and Abby ended up coming back from Atlantis to help out.”

“What kind of virus?”

“It looked kind of like the chicken pox in humans, but it was worse, a lot worse, in demons. Exploding pustules.”

“Do you have anything on the virus?”

“Yeah, Abby should still have slides and the other stuff I brought back with me.” Xander says absently. “Fargo arrived while I was offrealm, he should remember the case.”

“Samples?”

“I don't know how much was left.” He pulls out his PDA, thankfully it still works here in Eureka and contacts Abby, getting a 'busy' message.

“Abby's giving a lecture at the school.”

“Let me try Fargo then.” he types in another message. “Give him a couple of hours to gather everything together?”

“It will take me that long to call everybody down from Atlantis.”

“Let me take some notes. I've got something going here, but I'm not sure what just yet. Let it work through my head for a couple of hours and I can figure out what it wants to be and what's missing.”

“I hate when you do that.” John moans. “You're always distracted until you figure it out, the only thing worse is when you have a case, then the Slayers complain because you usually end up coming back hurt. Or you pull a damn fool stunt like you did in Mexico.”

“It got Calleigh back, didn't it?”

“And you chased across the base by Jack O'Neill until he drug you back to Daniel's office.”

“I told him what had happened, it's not my fault he didn't read that paragraph.”

“This is why your cases are no longer up for the worse of the month pool.” John snorts.

“I didn't end up getting married to my teammates. .. or have somebody think the bonding wasn't strong enough and needed to be strengthened by public sex.” Xander says in a sing-song voice.

“Thankfully, I can't see Calleigh as the blushing bride.”

“She's more the type that would be holding the shotgun when her daddy made her get married to the 'man that done her wrong', assuming of course she didn't use it on her father for making her get married in the first place.” John snorts but nods. “I would have made Dean marry his girlfriend if he had done something that stupid.”

“Which is why Dean always went for the easy girls.” John glares. “That's what he told me,” Xander holds up a hand.

“I should have spanked him more often when he was growing up.” John sighs. “Maybe he wouldn't have grown up to be so . ..:”

“Loose with his affections?”

John nods. “Thankfully he seems to have settled down with Faith.”

Xander snorts. “I love Faith like a sister, just like I do Tara, Willow, Buffy, and Dawn. She would be the first to tell you she is not now, ever has been, or ever will be, a good girl.”

John gives him a sour look. “Compared to what he used to date, yes she is. I'm surprised we never had a visit from your ex when she was over women scorned the way my boy used to be.”

“Anya used to complain about him, but he always told the girls he wasn't in for anything permanent, so they really couldn't complain when you guys left. She did have a couple call on her trying to get him, but one was a stalker he'd never paid attention to so she couldn't do anything and the others he never officially dated, it was casual sex at a club.”

John moans, shaking his head. “Eric is another one she used to cackle about, seems her replacement has been called a lot of times on him but he was like Dean, more picking up girls at clubs for casual sex than really dating. The only difference now is he's not in Miami and can't pick up loose women as easily as he could there.”

“Mexico?” Nathan asks John Winchester, way too calmly.

John Winchester smirks and pulls the footage up on his PDA, handing it to Stark. He moans audibly and Xander looks over, sighing.

“You just had to show him that, didn't you?”

“You know how much antacids and aspirin Daniel goes through, thanks to you?” John asks him.

“About as much as their old boss did when Jack and Daniel were working together?” Xander quips. John moans, shaking his head.

The door across the room opens and Xander stares at the man in the doorway, staring first at him then at Jack Harkness who smirks at him.

“I thought you said you lost him?”

“He followed me home, I asked the Doctor if we could keep him.”

“Git.” Dr. Owen Harper snorts as he walks into the room. “Don't know what you see in the wanker,” he tells the Doctor.

“I'm a fantastic lover?” Jack smirks.

“Barmy, completely barmy.”

Xander blinks at the bickering duo. The Doctor sighs at their antics and takes pity on the younger man. “Owen's ghost tracked us down to Eureka a couple of years ago, along with Toshiko's and Ianto's. They'd taken turns watching over us and the children, Greta helped us realize they were here, I had taken some genetic samples when I met them, we cloned them new bodies and she helped us get them in them. Owen's working in the infirmary, Dr. House is cackling about teaching him everything he knows about tormenting others, Toshiko is working in a lab down the hall on a project of her own, and Ianto is working with Horatio's cold case team when he's not taking classes.”

“Do you think she could talk to the ghost that's hanging around your Horatio and Ryan?”

Stark stares at him, stunned. “I've seen the signs, there's one there but I can't talk to him without getting possessed, and Daniel would kill me if I did, then leave to House's tender mercies.” he snorts. He looks up at the ceiling. “Cordy?”

/Yeah, Dweeb?/ A spectral figure comes into view, mostly human except for the tentacles.

“You are?” Nathan asks calmly, way too calmly. Everybody who knows him takes a step backward.

“Cordelia Chase, my ex, now messenger for the PTB and all-around pain in the ass.”

/Hey!/

“Cordy, whenever you show up it's time to bend over for the Powers again.”

/Well, if you would quit jumping in and upsetting their plans./ she sighs, settling in a sitting position in midair in the middle of the lab.

“If I hadn't, their fucked up schemes would have ended the world, a few times over?” he snorts.

/True./ she sighs. /They don't seem to think these things through, they want it to go a certain way and get pissed when it doesn't happen the way they want. But I know you didn't call me to complain about the powers./

“No, there's a ghost around their Horatio and Ryan, can you talk to them and find out why they're haunting them?”

Cordelia sighs and mumbles about annoying exes but vanishes, returning a few minutes later.

/He's harmless, he's been looking after Horatio since his death, trying to keep him out of trouble. But Horatio is as good as you for finding it.”

“Their Speed or somebody else?”

/Their Speed?/

“Tall, dark haired snarky guy that works as an agent for DCIS? Possessed me for nearly a year until Dawnie sneezed him up a new body? Worked with H in the lab back in Miami? Sound familiar?”

Cordelia swears, swatting at him with a tentacle.

“So any chance he won't be possessing me?” he sighs. “Oh come on, I've been possessed how many times?” he says at everybody's look. “It's been easier since I finally got some shields but it hasn't stopped them completely.”

“Kid, you need some training.” Stark says, putting an arm around his shoulders.

/I've known that for years./ Cordy snorts.

“And tell me, oh mystic of the ages, just where was I supposed to get this training? Giles sure the hell wouldn't, Willow and Buffy kept thinking I was normal,” he says in a sarcastic voice, “and there wasn't anybody else to ask.”

/True,/ she sighs. /Willow and Buffy needed their attitudes beaten out of them a few times, she wouldn't have gotten into this shit if she had. . .maybe./

“I'd always wondered if this wasn't the PTB plan after all, we kept upsetting their chessboard so losing Tara and Joyce, Willow going psycho, me losing Anya, if this wasn't part of their punishment.”

/The powers aren't petty./ she says automatically. Xander snorts and looks at her. /Okay, they're not that petty?/

Xander snorts again. She sighs. /Okay, the powers are that petty./

Back to index

Chapter 9 by josette grover

“Okay, why did you send for us again?” Rodney sighs as he follows Carson into the lab at DCIS. Damn it, he should just move in already, he's there often enough.

“Xander told us about a wraith born virus that ended up on Earth in their dimension.” Dr. Stark looks over his shoulder at them. Rodney immediately stops complaining, following Carson to the table where he's looking at files. “There's a slide under the microscope.”

“Any idea what it does?” Carson walks to the microscope.

“In humans, it looks like a funky chicken pox. In demons it causes exploding pustules.” Xander says. “I have the records from the mad scientist I stopped.” Carson shudders at the word exploding, it's too close to how he nearly died.

“Any idea how it got from Pegasus to earth?”

“Yeah, there's this demon trapped in a portal, we think he's sending the stuff. We had a list of places on earth where stuff from Pegasus had been found, Fargo said Eureka was one of the places. He seems to like Fargo.” Fargo walks off swearing. “We're corrupting him, I'm so proud. First it's swearing, then it's weapons, and soon it's driving everybody around you nuts with what you get into.”

Stark snorts. “He already does that quite well, thank you very much.”

“What's going on?” Abby asks as she comes into the lab.

“Enjoy your talk at the school?” Stark asks.

“Yeah, I'd forgotten how fun it was to see the horrified looks on teacher's faces when I arrive at a school.” she says. “What did you need Xander?”

“More information on that virus I brought back from Vegas. Did you find out anything new about it?”

“No,” Abby pouts. “I hope we got it all.” She heads to her computer, pushing Rodney aside, and entering her password. “Here's all the information I had on it.”

“You have an office in Las Vegas?”

“Not yet, right now it's just Greg Sanders from the CSI unit out there as liaison.”

“I know Greg, he moved to Eureka recently with some friends.”

“We offered him a job when the agency first started, five thousand more than he was making as a DNA tech and he could dress as he liked. He ended up talking to his boss and getting some concessions from them.”

“He's a member of Horatio's cold case unit here in Eureka, Las Vegas kept pissing him off by pushing him back into the lab when he wanted to be in the field. We offered him a position and he accepted. Archie Johnson, David Hodges, and Dr. Grissom came with him from the lab.”

Xander ducks out of the lab when the talk gets more scientific. He heads out to his apartment, ending up standing on the balcony looking up at the sky.

“Anya?” he asks.

“Xander? What are you doing here?” Anya asks as she appears next to him. “And where is here?”

“Eureka, a relative of one of the clans we have in prison here decided to send DCIS from our world so he could get his clan free. Unfortunately, the spell brought him here too.”

“This place feels. . .strange.”

“The supernatural community considers this a haven. I imagine this is what Sunnydale might have felt like without the Hellmouth's influence.”

“What do you need?”

“Can you get us home, or barring that, tell everybody back home we're fine?”

Anya pats him on the shoulder. “No time will have passed at home.”

“Oh good, I was scared that the Slayers were terrorizing everybody. What about getting us home?”

“You've been given the clue you need to get home. I can't bring you home personally, you'd have to make a wish and I don't think there's any demons over Guardians who have been sent away by idiot kids.”

“D'Hoffryn wouldn't have let them grant it anyway, probably?”

“There's more demons out there than just those under D'Hoffryn's rule.” Anya smirks. She takes him by the hand and he smiles as they walk into Xander's apartment.

Everybody in the lab looks up at the moaning and screaming a few minutes later.

“Oh tell me Xander did not summon Anya?”  DCIS Daniel moans.

“Yup.” Dean says sourly as he walks into the room.

“You weren't kidding about him being loud.” Dr. Stark says as he listens to the screams from Xander's building. “How long does this go on?”

“Too damn long.” Dean huffs. “I was never this loud with my ladies.”

“What ladies?” his brother snorts. Dean swats him on the back of the head.

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

“Boys.” A voice snaps, they turn to look at their Daniel. “I've been hanging around your father too long.” he sighs. Dean cackles.

Rodney blushes as he listens to the sound of Anya's screams.

“What is he doing to her?”

“Nothing she's not enjoying.” Abby smirks.

“Damn it Xander,” John bellows, pounding on his door.

The door opens under his fist, Anya standing there. He blushes when he sees she's naked, firmly keeping his gaze firmly fixed on the opposite wall. She huffs, snapping her fingers in his face, making him look at her. What is it with humans and their hangups about nudity?

“Do you mind, Xander and I are enjoying ourselves. No time has passed back at home, nobody even knows you're gone unless they were there when you left. I can't bring you home, but Xander's been given a clue as to how you can get home.” She shuts the door in his face.

John can be heard complaining from the lab as he makes his way into the building. “That boy is going to be the death of me.” He looks at his son. “I would have drowned you in holy water if you had done this, then beaten you to death when I realized you weren't possessed, you just had that bad taste in women.”

Dawn snorts. “Anya and Cordy were his nice girlfriends.” Everybody turns to stare at her. “Hello, praying mantis lady, Incan mummy, sound familiar? Hell, even Faith tried to kill him.”

“I wouldn't call what we had being boyfriend and girlfriend.” Faith snorts. “More of a one time, post slaying high gotta have sex now' urge that broke him in. It was more me crawling on top of him, getting what I wanted, and nearly choking him.”

“You ever think of getting back with him now that you're better and he's had Anya to teach him?”

“Hell no, that boy's tongue would kill me.” Faith shudders. “I don't know how Anya could have needed all those sex toys, I'd have been exhausted. No hell, I would have been dead.”

Dawn snorts. “Xander had to work sometime, after all he couldn't buy presents for her if he didn't have a job, let alone pay for the apartment, their food, and her clothes.” Everybody looks at her, “What, it's not like she actually brought anything while they were together.”

The screams finally end. “Is it over?” Fargo asks nervously.

Everybody snorts. “Nope, that was just round one. Either that or he gagged her.”

“Or she killed him.” Dawn snorts. “Or he killed her.”

Abby giggles. They all turn to look at her. “You and Rodney are just as loud.” they tell her. “I pity the night that both of you are having sex.”

“Everybody would be heading for their cars and finding hotel rooms. Either that or we'd send them off to that sleazy motel nearby so we could get some sleep.” DCIS Jack O'Neill says firmly.

“Aww, you say the nicest things.” Abby bounces over and hugs him.

Xander shows up a couple of minutes later, a cat that ate the canary look on his face.

“Done already?” Dean asks sarcastically.

“She got a call.”

“Do we need to do another swab?” House asks sarcastically.

“We didn't get that far yet.” Xander pouts. “She's going to yell at whatever idiot demon that called her.”

“Then it wasn't a call call?”

“Nope, just some stupid demon complaining because she was having fun. It's not right.” he says mockingly. “Demons are supposed to be all scary and evil.” he says mockingly. “She couldn't stay long anyway, this isn't her world, she doesn't have a power base.”

“So of course you and Anya had to have sex in the limited time she had here.” House says sarcastically.

“Uh yeah.” he says in a 'what?' tone of voice. “Anya missed her orgasms.”

Everybody moans. Xander cackles and walks off bouncing.

Meanwhile back in DCIS's world, sedans pull up in front of the empty base and Mac Taylor and his crew get out of their cars, staring.

“I can explain.” Anyanka says appearing before them.

“Please.” Mac says, looking at her. He's trying very hard not to freak out.

“Some idiot kid from one of the clans that you've arrested.” She says. “He cast a spell to remove DCIS from this world, figuring he could release his clan and they could go back to drugs, guns, and human trafficking. Unfortunately, he was on the grounds when he cast the spell and got sent away with them.”

Stella moans as she comes up to them.

“Any idea where they are?”

“Yes, I was just there. They're okay, they're working on a way to get back home.”

“Are they okay?”

“They're fine.” She tells them again, sighing. Don't they ever listen?. “They're going to try to get back just after they left, Xander was afraid you'd be alarmed and the Slayers would freak.”

“That sounds like something Xander would say.” Danny Messer says. “How long do you think it will take for them to get back?”

“They are okay, right?”

Anyanka pouts. “Winchester's still an annoying bastard. He interrupted my orgasms.”

Mac shakes his head, walking away.

Back to index

Chapter 17 by josette grover

Stark and Allison look up when Dawn enters the room.

“You two wanted to see me?” she asks, shutting the door behind them. They look at each other and drop the shields, showing her they have magic. She sighs and drops onto the couch Stark waves her towards.

“Do you have any teachers in your world? I don't want you going down Rosenburg's path.” Allison says bluntly.

“Neither do I,” Dawn says fervently. “She is the perfect example of what I don't want to be. Yes, I have teachers?”

“Good teachers?” Allison asks. “Because I'm not too thrilled with the Devon coven from what I saw of them on the show. Yes,” she says at her look. “We know exactly what you used to be.”

“I wasn't too thrilled with the Devon coven either, Giles tried to get me to go back to them when he woke from the coma but by then I had new teachers. Have you ever heard of three witches called the Charmed Ones?”

“The Halliwells?” Nathan smiles. “Yes, we know of them. If they are teaching you, you have some of the best teachers we know of, besides ourselves.”

“Who's going to teach Alex when he's older, I can feel the magic in him?” Dawn asks.

“I will, that's why he's with me right now so I can shield him.”

“We will,” Allison says firmly. She glares at her ex. “I'm still upset you didn't tell me he had magic.”

He chuckles. “He reeks of magic Allie, I don't know how you didn't notice it before then.” Dawn looks at them. “Henry brought him a new teddy bear after the babies were born, he didn't want him getting upset because the babies were getting gifts and he wasn't. He made the teddy bear float.”

She snorts, ticking off items on her fingers. “You had just come back, after being 'dead' for nearly thre months, I had just found out I was pregnant, we had to deal with the policy changes Thorne had made while she was in power. . . do you want me to go on?”

Dawn chuckles softly as Dr. Stark pouts at his ex-wife. “That doesn't work for Alex, it's not going to work for you.” she says firmly. He puts an arm around her. “Damn it, why can't I ever stay mad at you?”

“Because you love me, quite rightfully.” he says smugly. She rolls her eyes but kisses him on the cheek before turning her attention to Dawn and what she's learned in her world. They head back to her room at DCIS, both of them nodding at the selection of books she has, most of which they would have selected for her.

“Have you talked to Xander about his magic yet?” She asks when they leave her room.

“Xander has magic?” Allison stares at her. Dr. Stark nods. “I'd wondered. . .”

“He keeps it locked down because he doesn't like it, after watching Ethan and Willow I'm not surprised.” Dawn snorts. “Giles gave him one of his backhanded compliments about how he had finally found some shields, not that Giles ever helped him with them.” she snarls. “Of course that was when Giles still head his head up his ass about how the Slayers should be handled, he hadn't liked how Xander had done things while he was in a coma.”

Dr. Stark storms off, dragging Xander behind him when he returns.

“Drop 'em kid.” he orders.

Xander raises an eyebrow. “My pants?” he asks innocently.

“Whatever you have on your magic to keep it locked away. It's not healthy for you. Besides, I've already seen all I want of your skinny ass changing Alex's diaper, you need to gain some weight.”

Dawn leans against Dr. Blake, cackling.

“I haven't had the best of luck with magic.” Xander complains.

“I know, I watched the show.” Stark snorts. “I'm pretty sure half of the trouble you had with magic was little miss 'I'm so special because I'm a girl', who didn't want you to have magic because it would mean she wasn't special anymore.”

Dawn crows. “I told you I thought it was Willow messing up, not you.”

“Why would she do something like that?”

“Because, just like Dr. Stark said, you having magic wouldn't make her special anymore. She and Buffy couldn't look down at you anymore. If Giles had got his head out of his ass and actually paid attention to you, getting you some training or other help, he might have noticed that.” Dawn snorts.

Xander starts removing his belt. “I have it tied to a mark on my inner thigh.” he explains at their looks. “That way it can't be accidentally damaged in a fight and I end up destroying something or somebody when the magic gets away from me.” He reaches for his pocket knife and sliced something on his inner thigh, both doctors leaping for him when the blood starts trickling from the wound. Allison looks for something to put on the wound, Dawn quickly heading for the first aid kit down the hall. Allison thanks her absently as she covers the wound, holding pressure on it.

“Do you know how close that is to your femoral artery?” Allison asks, aghast.

“If it's damaged in a fight, I'm dead or nearly anyway.” Xander says..

“You're going to need stitches.” Nathan says, looking at the wound. He looks at the kit and shakes his head, swooping Xander up into his arms. Allison keeps pressure on the wound as he heads for the door, Dawn running ahead of them to let House know they're coming.

“What did he do this time?” House sighs when Dawn runs in. “And do I need to just yell, beat him, or check for possessions?”

“Xander cut open the binding he had on his magic.” John Winchester cusses from his spot at the desk, he'd come to talk to House before heading to the cafeteria and making himself something to eat. “I told that fool not to put it there, it's too close to a bleeder.”

“Yup, Nathan says he's going to need stitches.”

House gets to his feet with a wince as Nathan storms into the room. “Let me get the stitching kit and some blood if we need to transfuse him, and the handcuffs so he can't get away while we take turns yelling at him.”

Xander buries his face in Nathan's chest, feeling the wooziness from blood loss now. Of course that might have been the fast rush from the hallway to the medical wing. “I didn't want anybody to get hurt if it got loose by accident.”

“Very noble of you, but there's easier ways that don't include nearly killing yourself.” Nathan says, lying him down on the gurney Chase brings up.

Xander's eyes roll back in his head and he starts shaking on the gurney. Thankfully, Nathan and Allison had been expecting it to happen, as backed up as Xander was and hold him down until it passes.

“What was that?” House asks, quickly stitching Xander's leg while he's still. The last stitch is tied off when he starts seizing again.

“Seizure caused by the magic being blocked up for so long.”

“Is there anything we can do?”

“Keep him from doing something this stupid next time?” Chase says dryly.

“There won't be a next time.” House and Stark say in unison. “He won't be able to block his magic again, it will kill him.” Allison says.

“Then I guess he and Dawn are going to have to get some training.” Chase says. “Giles won't like that.”

“Giles can blow himself, I'm tired of being compared to Willow.” Dawn snorts from the corner of the room. “Willow made her own decision, he's the one who chose not to keep tighter reins on her. Xander and I are not Willow, we're not going to go down the path she did.”

“You do, I get to beat your ass.” Xander mumbles from the gurney.

“Shut up, I'm not the one who nearly killed myself blocking my magic.” Dawn slaps him gently on the shoulder and flounces from the room.

“Can we expect more of these seizures?” Chase asks.

“Yes, until his magic equalizes. As backed up as Xander was, that may be a few hours.”

“Is there anything we can do for him?”

“Do you have any herbs? There's a couple of teas that can help with the symptoms.”

“In here, one of our Witches does healing spells.” House leads Stark to the cabinet where they're stored. Stark shakes his head, whoever it is, she has a good grasp of the basics. He pulls a number of herbs from the shelves, dicing them and letting them steep in hot water, Xander drinking the resulting tea.

The seizures soon pass, House taking the opportunity to start an iv line. A yowl announces the arrival of Miss Kitty, who curls up on the pillow by Xander's head, purring. Stark looks over at House, sure the other man is going to complain but he just smirks. “She's not the first animal we've had in the infirmary, there's a picture somewhere of Binky lying next to Xander on the bed.”

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Chapter 18 by josette grover

Nathan looks at the roaring fire in the fireplace later that night. He looks up when the couch dips next to him, wrapping his arm around Carter and pulling him closer.

“Alex is asleep, I talked to Zoe she's doing homework right now. Are you ready to talk about whatever it is that's bothering you?”

“Not right now, Carter.” he kisses him gently on the temple. “You know I love you, right?”

Carter twists in his arms so he's lying across him, looking up. “Of course.”

Stark smiles down at his mate. The younger man had obviously given Alex his bath because water is still trickling slowly down his chest. He's not wearing a shirt and his nipples are standing high and proud on his chest. Stark pinches one automatically, moaning as Carter squirms in his arms.

“Stark,” he mock complains. Nathan smirks evilly and turns his attention to giving his mate's other nipple the same amount of attention. He rubs again against Stark's erection and he growls, getting a smirk in return. Carter knows exactly what he's doing to his mate.

“Carter, take those jeans off.” he growls.

Carter smirks and stands up, slowly moving his hands down to his hips and the button on his jeans that are old and washed so often they're almost molded to his body. He dances to music that only he can hear as he slowly unzips his jeans, pulling them down around his hips.

“Naughty Carter,” Stark growls when he sees pale skin where underwear should have been. “Don't tell me you went commando today.”

Carter looks at him over his shoulder. “Would you punish me if I did?” he purrs.

“You'd like that, wouldn't you?” he purrs, pulling him back into his arms. Carter squirms as his ass brushes against the rough cloth of Stark's pants. “You're an evil temptress, Jack Carter.”

“Do I look female?” Carter complains. Stark snickers, this is an old joke between them. One hand reaches between Carter's legs, he squirms again on the other man's lap when one finger gently strokes against his cock.

“Stark, you bastard.” Carter pants, throwing his head back and arching his back. Stark sniggers softly and nibbles gently on his neck. He continues to stroke gently up and down Carter's cock, alternating with rubbing the younger man's balls. Carter spreads his legs invitingly and he slides a hand between his mate's ass cheeks, finding him already slick.

“I. . .lubed. . .before . . .I . .STARK!” he babbles and yelps as a finger pushes against his ass and slides right inside the spasming hole. He smirks around Carter's neck as he feels the younger man tighten around his finger.

“Patience Carter,” he nibbles gently on his neck again before extending his fangs and biting. Carter moans as he comes from the finger in his ass and Stark biting him. Stark licks the bite clean of the last few droplets of blood as he feels his mate's ass loosen around his finger.

“Enjoyed that, didn't you?” he smirks. “And to think you used to be a shy little virgin only a few months ago.”

There's a sound from the baby monitor and they both stop what they're doing, nothing more comes however and they turn their attention back to what they'd been doing. Nathan continues stretching his mate before lifting him up and carrying him to the bedroom.

Carter watches his mate undress with hooded eyes before the other man crawls onto the bed. He pulls him onto him, spreading his legs invitingly. Stark smirks and presses against the other man, kissing him soundly as their cocks rub against each other. Carter is moaning with need by the time Stark finally settles between his legs, trying to push himself on his mate's cock. He's nearly crying from frustration as Stark teases him. Stark smirks as he hears his mate growl to fuck him already.

“Temper, temper, Carter. You sound like you're in a hurry.”

“Stark,” Carter says, “either fuck me or I'm going to . ..to . . .” he groans as Stark smirks and opens the dresser drawer, pulling out a dildo that he trails over his chest and stomach. He moans as the head brushes against his asshole once. . .twice. . . ahhhh, he hisses as the tip pushes against his asshole and stretched around the head of the dildo. Finally. He moans as the dildo slides into his ass, filling him completely. His ass clenches around the base as Stark kisses him, letting him get used to the object before he starts moving it.

Carter hisses as Stark teases him with dildos of varying sizes, some smaller than the one he started out with and some he would have sworn weren't humanly possible to be used when he and Stark had first gotten together. They're wonderful but he wants something a little more human in his ass. His ass arches off the bed when he comes with a hoarse cry, moaning as Stark pulls the latest dildo from his ass. Is he going to . ..oh gods finally, he thinks as Stark lines the head of his cock up with his spasming hole and pushes inside him.

He moans as Stark sinks balls deep into him. Stark captures his mouth in a kiss before he begins moving. Two hours later, an arm reaches out to turn off the light and pull the covers over them.

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Chapter 19 by josette grover

Zoe snarls in frustration as she storms into the Sheriff's office. Her father could be so damn stubborn. It was just a date, it's not like she was going to marry him.

“Your father loves you kid, that's why he's trying to protect you.” A female voice says from the corner of the room. Zoe looks over and sees one of the visitors from the other dimension. “Don't ever take that for granted. He's seen the darker side of life as a Marshal, he's trying to protect you from having to see that dark side as long as he can.”

“I understand, but it's just so. . .so frustrating.” she snarls.

“That's what a good parent does, they protect their kid as long as they can. You're lucky, not everybody has that good a parent.”

“You didn't?” She drops into a chair, her anger vanishing.

“I never knew my father, he took off before I was born. Hell,” Faith snorts, “I don't even know if my mother even knew who he was, his name or which one of her many men he was. Xan's parents were abusive drunks, we both grew up seeing the darker side of life in our own homes.”

“What about your other friends?”

“Little D lost her mother a couple years ago to complications from a brain tumor, her sister had to drop out of school to take care of her, then there was an accident and she ended up in a coma for a year. Luckily she had Xan who stepped in and took care of her. Dean and Sam lost their mother when they were kids, they spent their entire life traveling while their father hunted down the thing that killed her.”

Zoe deflates, her righteous anger dissipating. “It doesn't make it easy, though.”

“Growing up never is.” Faith snorts as she goes to the door of the Sheriff's office. “Looks like your dad and Dr. Stark got everything under control.” She sashays out of the building, finding Xander complaining as he comes out of the alley, flanked by Diefenbaker and LoJack.

“And here I thought this crap only happened in Sunnydale.” she snorts as she sees people coming out of nearby buildings, calmly walking past the wreckage from the latest GD fiasco as Jo rips shreds off the people responsible.

“Damn it Lady, will you please back off.” Xander finally says, pushing away the woman who'd been crying on him. He knows what she is, either whole or part succuba. Sara Sidle sniffs that intriguing scent again as she tries to get closer to him.

“Boytoy, what is it with you dating evil, strange, or just demented women?” she snorts, pulling her off him. The other woman pouts at her. “Sorry lady, I don't swing that way and I have my own honey, thank you very much.”

“Sara, what are you doing here?” Dr. Gilbert Grissom asks. Now he knows why Dr. Stark had asked him to come to the Sheriff's office. Beside him Hodges snarls. He pats his arm absently as they come closer.

“Grissom, there you are.” she pouts. “What are you doing here? I came back to Vegas a couple of weeks ago and Catherine told me you'd left the lab months ago.” She moves to walk to him and she pouts when he doesn't automatically move towards her. What is going on? He should be overjoyed to see her, shouldn't he? What had happened to that needy man that she had left behind in Vegas?

“I moved on Sara, I thought you had too. That's why you left Vegas, wasn't it? To start a new life?” he says coldly. She's stunned that he's cold to her and starts backpedaling rapidly, trying to find a new excuse to get back in his good graces.

“When are you coming back to the lab, it's not the same without you?” Ah yes, his beloved lab that will get his attention back where it belongs, on her.

“I'm not Sara, I accepted a position here at Global Dynamics.”

“What?!?!?” She screeches, causing Xander to wriggle a finger in his ear. “Damn it Lady, and I use that term loosely, you're shrill. What part of he's not coming back didn't you understand?”

“But you have to come back.”

“To where I'm not wanted or respected? No I don't have to do anything.” Grissom snorts softly. “Go back to Vegas Sara, you're not wanted here. If you want a powerful, influential man to suck up to, try Ecklie.”

He turns to walk away. Sara rushes to grab him, finding her arm grabbed by Hodges. She turns to glare at him and gulps when she sees his glowing eyes and fangs.

“You do not try to touch my mate without his permission, is that understood Sara?”

“You're a vampire.” she whimpers, stunned.

“Very observant, and you're a whiny little bitch who's trying to get back in my mate's good graces so she has somebody to take care of her. Go Away.” he says.

“She's also part succuba, you might want to get him checked out.” Xander calls.

Hodges turns and glares at her, she shrinks and starts babbling. He takes out his phone. “Gregory, can I get you to take a look at Grissom when we get back to GD? I just found out Sidle, his ex, is a succuba.”

He hangs up the phone. “Grissom, get in the car, we're heading up to GD so you can get checked out.”

“David?”

“Succuba suck their victims dry through sex.” Xander says. “It's like a drug, you keep wanting to go back until she kills you. She leaves a mark on you so she can come back anytime she wants for more energy.”

“Exactly.” Hodges growls over his back at Sara as he hustles his Mate towards their car. Nathan puts a hand on his shoulder, checking him with his magic.

“He's fine David, it doesn't look like she marked him.” he says over Sara's cries of 'I wouldn't do that to Grissom.'

“I told you I wouldn't do that to Grissom, I can't do that to Grissom. Yes, my mother is a succubus, my father summoned her and bound her powers, that's why she killed him when I was a kid, that and the abuse. I don't have any powers.” she whines.

“So you're just a normal woman who's sucked up to the most powerful man in the lab and is trying to get him to take care of you?” Zoe snorts. Everybody looks at her. “And you look your nose down on everybody else because you're so much better than them because you were sleeping with the boss? Can we say Gold Digger?” Her dad looks at her. “How many of the kids in my year back home have had their parents divorce? And how many of them were because their father was having an affair with a younger woman? And how many married the other woman only to have her take him for everything he had? How many are on wife number two or three?”

Carter moans and walks way, shaking his head. Hodges leans against his mate, cackling. “Way to go, Zoe.” he says with a smirk. “I knew you had a little smartass in you.”

Faith nudges Xander. “You okay, boytoy?”

“Yeah, I just had a flashback to Cordy in high school telling off some of her sheep followers.”

“Cheerleader?” Zoe asks him. He nods. “Yeah, we had a few at my old school, one was the leader and the others followed her like there was an invisible line between their noses and her ass.”

“Zoe!” Carter moans. “Don't turn out to be like that, please?” He knows he's begging.

Xander snorts. “Zoe's not mean enough to be Cordy, trust me.”

“And I'm not sleeping with most of the football team either.” she snorts.

“That too.”

Carter walks off moaning. “School Spirit.” Dawn and Zoe smirk at Dr. Stark's look.

“Thank god Eureka school isn't like that.”

Zoe waves a hand. “Please, all of our students would have been considered the geeks in any other school and been picked on by the popular kids because of it.”

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Chapter 20 by josette grover

Xander stands up and stretches in the gym as Dr. Stark comes over to where he's working out. He'd been sparring with Faith earlier, both of them wanting to keep in shape.

“Can we talk?”

“If you don't mind if I work out while we do.” Xander says.

Stark nods and Xander drops into a Kata, to stretch and cool down from the fight.

“You need some training with your magic, you try blocking it off again it's going to kill you.” he says bluntly. “And you need some better shields, I've never seen anybody as open as you are.”

“You should have seen me earlier.” Xander quips, then yells and grabs his head. Faith and Stark leap forward, grabbing him before he can hit the floor.

“Is this a vision?” he asks her, holding the younger man in his arms as he screams.

“Yeah.” she says. “Vision.” She yells as everybody comes running. “Somebody go check Sam.”

Dean runs out of the room. Sam should be in the library with the others. They look up as he runs into the room, skidding to a stop and nearly running into the table they're sitting at.

“What the hell?” Sam asks the question that seems to be on everybody's mind.

“Xander's having a vision down in the gym. Faith told me to come check on you.”

The chairs are pushed back from the table and everybody there follows him downstairs. Fargo comes running from the infirmary, Chase following him. They drop to their knees next to where Dr. Stark is still holding Xander, rubbing his back and whispering soothingly in his ear. Chase automatically checks his pulse as Xander shudders. He opens his eyes and grabs Dr. Stark's coat, whispering something to him before passing out.

He lets Faith take Xander from his arms before taking his phone out, calling a number and snapping out orders. “Just do it.” he finally growls and hangs up, following them as Faith carries Xander into the infirmary. He's soon laid out in a bed and given a shot, drifting off to sleep.

“What did he see?” Faith asks Dr. Stark.

“An experiment going bad.” He tells her. “I ordered it shut down because he saw it going out of control and people getting killed.” He receives a call, nods at whatever the person on the other end says, and hangs up again.”Yep, it would have happened exactly as he saw.” he says. “A scientist was in too big a hurry to show some results and didn't take the proper precautions. It would have destroyed three or four labs.” He reaches over and rubs a gentle hand over Xander's forehead.

“You need to run back to GD?”

“No, I'm going to let Allie yell at him, she's been complaining they think motherhood has softened her. This way she can let out her inner bitch out to play.” He looks over at Sam. “Are all your visions this painful?”

“No, not the ones we get while we're sleeping anyway.” he says. “Though Xander says the ones Cordy used to have were this painful, she inherited hers from a friend of theirs who was half demon.”

Dr. Stark looks at the ceiling and summons Cordelia the same way Xander had earlier. She appears and gives him the same dumbass look he's seen on his ex-wife's face when he's pissed her off, at least until she sees Xander on the bed.

/What happened?/ she floats over to where he's sleeping, one hand reaching out to rub his head.

“He had a vision, are they normally this painful?” he asks her.

“Your head being ripped apart and your eyeballs being gouged out of your head? Yeah, thankfully I had some practice at eye gouging visions, thanks to the clothes dweeb boy used to wear in High School./ Dawn covers her mouth, trying not to cackle too loud, she doesn't want to wake Xander. Faith grins at her, patting her on the back.

“Sam says his don't seem as painful.”

/Yeah, they're asleep, they don't get the full benefits./ Cordelia says. /And when you had Xander take down the barriers he had on his magic, it took down the filter he had on his visions. You need to get him some training./ she tells Dr. Stark.

“I had planned to, as well as give him a message for Mr. Giles if he should protest Xander being trained. I had intended to talk to him earlier about the need for training when he had the vision.”

/Good./ Cordy and Dr. Stark exchange evil little smiles before she leaves. She hopes actually that Giles complains, so she can yell at him for it. He's sure he means well, but Xander and Dawn aren't Willow, they're not going to go down the same path she did. She might have been the self-styled Queen C of Sunnydale High School, but even she could see Willow was a self-centered bitch, thinking herself better than anybody else because she was a genius. Her problems with magic just proved it.

Xander wakes from the sedative a few hours later. It's dark in the room he'd been placed in, which helps with the headache that is pounding against his head from the vision. He blinks and looks down when he feels a pressure against his side, he smiles through the pain when he sees Dawn sleeping next to him. He looks to the door when it opens, blinking up at House when he enters the room.

“I thought you'd probably be waking up soon.” he says. He leans his cane against the bed railing and changes out the iv bags, injecting something into the line before Xander can complain. He scowls at him anyway, causing the older man to smirk at him. He looks over at Dawn. “Good, I was hoping she'd finally get some sleep. Her and Faith have been here ever since your vision, Dean finally drug her off to her room a couple hours ago. Dr. Stark was here for most of the day too, he finally left to go deal with the cleanup at Global Dynamics.”

“Did I stop it?” He asks hoarsely.

“Yup, Stark called and yelled at somebody to stop the experiment.” he says quietly, in deference to the young girl sleeping in the bed. “They found out that if it had started, it would have gone on just like you saw it happen.”

“This vision felt different.” Xander says, blinking as the drug begins taking effect.

“Stark called you friend Cordy, she says taking the block off your magic also took off a filter you had to protect you from the full effects.”

“Fuck,” he says tiredly. “I knew unblocking my magic would lead to nothing but trouble.”

House pats him on the shoulder as he falls asleep. He pulls another blanket up over the sleeping pair and heads back out of the room. He updates Xander's records before he lies down on a bed in the ward to catch a few hours sleep.

Xander wakes up when Dawn gets up off the bed the next morning. The pain in his head from the vision had dimmed to a lingering headache. He reaches up to rub his head, making her turn to look at him.

“Xander!” She squeals, softly in deference to the headache she's sure he's got to have. She throws her arms around him, giving him a hug. That's one thing she learned from her mother and Tara, hugs are the magical cure all for what ails you. That and cookies.

Chase comes in and checks Xander over, giving him some specific instructions before he allows him to head back to his apartment. Dawn stays with him, checking out his cupboards. He's had the hug, now he needs Mom's hot cocoa and cookies. She's mixing up a bowl of batter when a light tapping is heard on the door, she glares at Xander when he moves to get up. He holds his hands up in surrender as she wipes her hands on a towel and goes to the door, smiling when she sees Dr. Stark, Dr. Blake, Sheriff Carter, and the babies outside. She smiles and holds the door open for them. Dr. Stark smiles and leads them into the room.

“I was hoping you were nearby.” he says as Dr. Blake sets the strollers up in the corner of the room. Alex holds his arms out to be held and Dawn coos at him. Dr. Stark picks Alex up, the baby settling in his arms with his teddy bear.

“Dawn, you think about having a baby before you're out of school I'll kick your ass.”

“Mommy said she'd have me sewn shut if I made her a grandmother before I was thirty, I can hold off for a few more years. Of course, that's when Buffy was dating Riley and wasn't always so careful about birth control so she was afraid she was already going to be a grandmother. I can control my urges by being an auntie to Crissy's twins. And Brenda's little girl when she's born.”

“Oven,” Xander says absently. She heads back into the kitchen, checking the cookies she has in the oven and turning her attention back to the bowl she'd been stirring.

“How are you feeling?” Dr. Blake asks him, she'd heard about the vision from Nathan yesterday after he'd returned to Global Dynamics. Xander still seems too white for her comfort.

“Bit of a headache, but that could be from sleeping so long.” Xander says. “Dawn's fussing over me like her mother would have, I've been hurt worse. I'll be fine.”

“I talked to your friend yesterday.”

“Yeah, House said you did, why this vision was so much worse than any of the others. I knew letting go of my magic was going to be nothing but trouble.” he grumbles.

“That's because you need training, proper training unlike what your friend got.”

Dawn snorts. “Willow got her training from stealing Giles books. She's the perfect example of what not to do. I have common sense, thank you very much, even if my sister and Giles don't seem to understand what that is.”

“I've gotten a few books for the two of you I'd like you to read over. We've got a large selection of magic users here in Eureka, I'd like you to get a good idea of what the other faiths are like.”

A loud farting has everybody looking at the twins in the second stroller. Dr. Stark looks down at the baby in his arms who gives him a 'wasn't me' look. He sighs as another fart can be heard.

“Here, give him to me.” Xander says. Dr. Stark settles Alex on his lap and helps Allison change the babies, a changing pad laid down on Xander's floor. He looks down at the sturdy baby in his arms, two pairs of chocolate eyes seeming to speak to each other. Dawn squeals and a picture is taken with the camera on the table. Xander smiles as Alex grins happily and leans against him, teddy bear held against him.

Drs. Stark and Blake smile at the sight as they settle in their seats, a baby in their arms as they suck on bottles. Dawn sighs, idly wondering what it would have been like to grow up with the two of them as parents, Xander her older brother. She shakes her head to dislodge that thought, she may disagree with Buffy on some things, she snorts okay a lot of things, but she wouldn't trade her as an older sister for anything. And Joyce was the best mother in the world. Not many women could have handled finding out that their older daughter had a destiny as the Chosen One, or finding out that the memories she had of her younger daughter weren't real, that she hadn't existed until just recently, that she'd been a magical artifact made human and placed with Buffy for her protection, false memories of her growing up as Buffy's sister given to all of them so they'd accept her.

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Chapter 21 by josette grover

“Okay, we have a call from New York, a construction company was clearing a site for new housing when they dug up an old body. By the end of the day they had nearly two hundred bodies.” The others around him shake their heads.

“Any idea how old the bodies were? Was it a one time body dump or were there bodies added over the years?” Grissom asks. Body dumps were always hard cases to work.

“It looks like the bodies are all around the same age. From scraps of clothing and other items found with the bodies, it looks like they're between twenty and thirty years old. The state passed the case along to us when they realized how old they were, citing the need for the detectives and others to handle current cases. Thankfully it was Mac Taylor's lab that handled the initial investigation.” the others smile as he passes out pen drives with the information New York had sent them.

“Horatio, can we borrow some of the visitors to help with the investigation?” Greg asks. “Since the you, Ryan, and Speed there were CSI.”

“That is an idea, let me call their Daniel.”

An hour later, there's a knock at the briefing room door. Eureka Horatio looks up and nods as Abby, Speed, Horatio, and Ryan enter the room, along with Xander, Sam, and Dean. “We can take notes while you guys work.” Xander says at his look.

“That will help immensely.” he says. “Abby, I know that you said you were the lab at NCIS, can you help David and Greg?” Abby nods and heads for the lab she can see down the hall, putting a lab coat on over her clothes and gloving up. David looks up when the door opens and nods at her as she enters the room.

The others settle down with opening the evidence bags from the bodies, Dean, Sam, and Xander picking up clipboards and taking notes over their shoulders.

“Gangs, mafia, or a natural disaster?” Dean asks. “If this was our world, I'd add demonic but you don't have the nastier creatures out there that we have.”

“I don't know of any gangs that were in that area at that time, it could have been mafia but why would they have hit so many people at the same time?” Horatio says absently. “I can't think of any natural disasters from that time period that would have left this many bodies unaccounted for. They do date from the same general time period, so that is a possibility. Thank you Dean,” Horatio says absently.

“Have some of Global Dynamics historians look into that general time period?” Xander says, looking at him. “That would leave you to examine the actual bodies. Give them a general location and time period and have them start looking?”

“Very good idea.” Eureka Horatio takes off his gloves, walking to a phone and calling Fargo. He comes, listens to what they needs, takes notes of the general age of the remains and location they were found and heads off. “I wouldn't have thought of that. Thank you Xander.”

“You guys wouldn't have had that sort of resource as CSI, but we're sitting in one of the biggest think tanks in the world. I know DCIS takes advantage of the Watchers library on their cases.”

Ryan nods. “Listen to the experts, they know what they're doing.” he says, obviously something that had been told to him. “At least some of the time, some of the so-called experts wouldn't know reality if it bit them in the ass.” he snorts. Horatio, both of them, nod as Speed snickers.

“Usually they're hired by the government.” Everybody snickers that time.

“And since stupid calls to stupid, they're promoted and become the bosses.” Abby calls from the lab. “Idiots, ass-kissers, and those looking for power to compensate for their lack of anything resembling a life.”

“And Ecklie was all three.” Hodges calls behind her. Greg cackles while Grissom moans.

“We have DNA tests running for the first five bodies, but being that old I don't see them being in the database.” Greg says, coming out of the lab and walking to the coffee pot.

“Maybe the facial reconstruction people you see on discovery channel programs?” Sam says. “Although with the remains being this old, I don't think there's that much luck of anybody recognizing them.”

“No, but police departments and other agencies keep missing persons records. We could send the pictures to them with the information on how old the bodies are and the general location where they were found, see if we had any hits that way.”

“Any idea what might have been there in the time period the bodies would have become bodies?” Xander asks. Everybody looks at him. “Hotel, restaurant, hospital, airport, something that would have had a lot of people in it at that time, people that might not have been from that general area so they wouldn't have been reporting missing there?”

“Something else that the historians can be looking at.” Eureka Horatio passes that message along to Fargo.

“What else was found when the area was excavated? That might give us some leads too.” DCIS Speed says. “What was the condition of the bodies? Was there any traces of how they could have died?”

Eureka Horatio looks at the reports, finding the summary page. “According to Sheldon Hawkes who helped out the other ME's, the bodies were skeletal so there was no signs of gunshot wounds or knife wounds on the bones.. There were some with blunt force injuries that might have come from a heavy impact. The bodies seemed to be otherwise intact however.”

“Why would they have just been left there though?” Abby asks. “Why wouldn't the rubble have been cleared and the bodies removed?”

“Maybe there was only supposed to have been so many people there and when they found everybody they'd been expecting, they stopped looking? Or something like 9/11 where they had all those bodies that were never found?” Dean asks.

“Why would they not have realized there were more bodies? Wouldn't they have been found?”

“Not necessarily. The rubble could have been bulldozed over and something built over it.” Xander says. Everybody looks at him. “I worked construction. Back in the old days that's what would have happened.” They nod.

“Or it could have been something illegal, nobody would have gone looking for it? Brothel, some sort of gaming place? If the bodies were older, a speakeasy or gin mill?”

“Were there any planes that went down during that time that was never found?” Xander asks. “Maybe they went offcourse during a storm and the wreckage was never found.”

“That doesn't happen in real life, Xander.” Speed snorts.

Xander snorts back at him. “There was that explorer guy that went missing in his plane. It took them how long to find the wreckage? And they found a plane that had been missing for years while they were out looking for his?”

“Point, another thing the historians can be looking for.” Eureka Horatio sends that off to Fargo as well. Greg and the others head back to the lab and they turn their attention back to the bags of items recovered with the body. With the others, what would have taken a few weeks only takes a couple of days. Horatio accepts the information the historians had found on the area from Fargo with a sigh and he walks into his team's break room. He's not surprised to find the DCIS agents waiting there for him, he would have been doing the same thing if it was him.

“Anything from the historians?”

He fans the reports out on the table, everybody grabbing one and starting to read.

“Anything?” he asks when everybody has finished reading.

“There were a number of airplanes that were reported missing and never found in a fifteen year period.” Speed says. “Your historians will look up each individual flight if needed, but as old as some of these, there might not be that much information to be found. And if they were on a flight reported as missing, there wouldn't be any missing persons reports filed.”

“The area was industrial for a few years, most of the businesses there was light manufacturing that went out when the jobs were shipped overseas. The buildings were torn down in the late 90s, early thousands for urban renewal, but nothing ever happened. Before that it was mixed commercial and residential.”

“Were there any restaurants, hotels, hospitals in that area?” Grissom asks. Eureka Ryan looks at his notes. “Five restaurants in a two block area, three hotels reported to be in that area, and two hospitals. The hospitals weren't in that general area though, and they were reported as closing in the late 80s. One of the hotels was torn down in the 90s , another burned in the 70s, the third is still in operation.” He blinks and pulls out the report of the hotel fire, quickly looking it over. “The timeline fits, the ME's did say they couldn't narrow it any further than twenty to thirty years old.”

“We'll keep it as a possibility.” Eureka Horatio says. They nod

“Any chance vagrants could have been using the area as a flop before it was torn down? We all know the homeless find abandoned buildings to live in” Hodges asks. The others nod. “Wouldn't they have been noticed when people came in to tear the buildings down?” Dean asks.

“Depends on how big the building is and how it's demolished.” Xander says. “We did some demo work back in Sunnydale when we cleared the old school, we did it by hand but you've seen stories on the news where they use dynamite to blow larger buildings.”

“They did that in Vegas.” Grissom nods. “The companies are supposed to check the buildings out before they set the charges and keep a guard to keep people from getting in them. But there's always companies that cut corners. I'll check their records, see if there's been any problems with them in the past.” That record joins the other on the pile to investigate further.

“Any reports of natural disasters in that area?”

“No earthquakes, hurricane, or other major natural disasters.” Xander says, looking over the papers in front of him. “There were a few tornadoes reported, but none that were noted as touching down in that area. There were a few fires, but none reported resulting in fatalities. Of course that doesn't mean that there weren't any, just none that were reported to news outlets. Has anybody checked records from the fire and police departments?”

“No, but I will.” Eureka Horatio makes a note to do that. Any news on the DNA tests?”

“We have DNA from all the remains, they're in our database, I've sent reports to missing persons bureaus around the country about to find and that if they have have DNA from missing persons from that time period to send them to us to test against. I know there's about a one in billion chance but maybe we'll get lucky.”

Meanwhile in Philadelphia, the Lieutenant over the cold case squad comes into the squad room.

“What are you looking at Scotty?”

“Case out of New York, around two hundred bodies found when a developer cleared land. They figure they're from twenty to thirty years ago, all the bodies seem to date from the same time frame. They've sent out notices to missing persons squads to check their records if they have anybody missing during those general years that have DNA. I don't think they have a chance in hell of identifying them, but I wish them luck.”

Their boss takes the paper from him, reading it over.

“We have anything?”

“Lily's went down the hall to look through the book.” Valens says.

“I see NY isn't handling it?”

“Nah, the brass passed it on to a fed cold case unit, they wanted them focusing on current cases. I've heard of the guy who's in charge of the unit though, Horatio Caine? Wasn't he the guy who got fired when the Miami Mayor bowed to pressure from a buddy of his because he was being investigated?”

“That's him, he was fired after being out of town after being put on unpaid leave. The guy he was investigating was arrested for running guns and drugs, he wasn't in town even though he let the brass know he'd been requested for something from the feds. He ended up suing the department to get his pension and benefits back.”

“He also ended up turning the entire lab on it's side when he was fired. He was the reason Miami got all the newest equipment, best of the best interns from schools, and was the 2nd highest ranking lab in the country. The city ended up having to rebuild the lab from the ground up, so many of the personnel left because he was fired. They ended up having to hire a whole new lab shift. And with him gone, the companies supplying the equipment they were using broke the testing agreements and took it back. The city had to pass a millage to pay for the new equipment.”

Vera snorts. “How much money are we talking about? Ten, twelve thousand?”

“Thirty-five billion.”

“Fuck!”

“Yeah.”

Lily Rush comes into the squad room, the book with the list of old missing persons reports in her arms. “We have three from that ten year time frame.” She puts the book down on Scotty's desk, knocking his feet off. “Two men and one woman.” The others in the unit gather around her and Valens, looking over their shoulders.

“This one seems like it might fit, a salesman supposedly heading to New York for a meeting. Never reported as arriving at the meeting, missing person report filed but closed when nothing was ever found. The officer taking the report notes he thought the guy just decided to leave his wife and kids, using the meeting as an excuse.”

“And back then everything wasn't computerized, nobody could start tracking them by the bank records and not many people had cell phones back then.”

“Do we have anything on it?” Stillman asks.

“Just the report made by the wife and notes from the patrolman who took the case.” Lily looks at the book. “

“Check the wife, see if there was anything else she didn't tell the patrolman, see if she ever heard from him again.” he orders. “Find out how he was supposed to have been going to New York.”

Two hours later Rush and Valens return to the squadroom.

“She never heard from him again, he was supposed to have been flying to New York, she doesn't remember which airline, the travel agency where he booked the ticket folded twenty years ago. All their records were destroyed in a fire.”

“So no proof that he ever left Philadelphia. His vehicle?”

“Left at the house, wife reports a taxi picked him up from the office. His best friend had picked him up and took him to work that morning.”

“Family?”

“Wife and two young kids. His family never believed that he had left them, they kept praying they'd find out the truth some day. His mother lives with them now, moved in after her husband died. When we told them who we were and why we were there, she started crying. The son is coming in later today when he gets off work, he's going to give DNA for our lab to send so they know one way or another. They won't know how he died, after this long I don't know if anybody will, but they can find bring him home if it is him.”

A couple of hours later Greg blinks when he gets some hits on his system. He checks the computer. “We have two possible DNA matches. One's the son of a man missing in Philadelphia, the other is a teen runaway from a small town out west. That DNA was sent out to everybody, his DNA was sent just to us.” He runs both DNA tests, coming back with the results. Horatio looks at them and makes a couple of calls.

In a small town in the midwest, a police officer puts down the phone and looks at his Sergeant. “Sarge?” he asks. “Got a question for you. The Jones girl that went missing, did another member of her family go missing 'bout twenty, thirty years ago?”

The older man looks at him, shaking his head. “No, why are you .. . Hold on, yeah, yeah there was now that I think of it. The girls grandma, her older sister ran off. Her family never reported her, she seemed to be a little wild. I haven't thought of her in years.” he shakes his head. “Why you asking about her?”

“That was a fed, remember the story in the news a few months back, all them bodies that was found in New York?”

“I remember my wife talking about it at dinner, why?”

“I sent the girls DNA out as part of her missing persons report. Seems there was a partial match, it looks like her great-aunt was one of the bodies they found.”

“Well hell, what you can't find out with DNA these days. I'd better go let her sister know then. Any way to get a more positive match?”

“Doubt it, not after all these years.”

“Any idea what happened to her?”

“That's what they're trying to find out, along with how all those bodies got there.”

The old Sergeant shakes his head, slaps his hat on his head, and walks out to his vehicle.

“So we're looking at the hotel that burned down in the 70s as the source of the bodies?” Horatio asks, putting down the phone.

“It would appear so,” Grissom says, looking over the initial missing persons report that the Philadelphia missing persons department had faxed them. “The victim we've identified was reported missing in July1978.”

“When was the hotel fire?” Speed asks. The papers on the table are pawed through until somebody finds the page in question.

“That same month according to this report, let me get hold of the local police and fire department that would have serviced that area and see if they have any records from that time frame.” Grissom stands up to go to his office to call the police department that sent them the case. Times like this he misses Jim Brass, the other man would have already called and gotten them more information.

A police Lieutenant on the night shift at a police department sets down his phone before opening his desk drawer and looking up a number in the department phone book, talking to someone in records. They promise they'll look up the old records but stuff that old hasn't been put on computer yet so they'd have to physically go through the old records.

In the town's fire department they'd received a similar call. The search for the old records is started there also and a call is made to the town hall for the records on the old hotel. The Captain looks up at a knock on the door is heard and the regional fire chief sticks his head in the door.

“Oh good, you're just the person I was thinking of.”

The Chief raises one eyebrow. “You were here thirty nearly thirty-five years, weren't you? In the area, I mean.”

“Yeah, this station hadn't been built yet, I would have been with the old 115.”

“Do you remember a hotel fire in the area? It would have been July of '78?”

The fire chief drops into a chair, thoughts of looking over the station forgotten as the years fall away and he's a young kid just joined the department.

“Yeah, that was a bad fire, by the time we the call the building was fully engulfed. Three stations were called in that night, we couldn't do anything for the building, we could just hose down the nearby businesses and hope nothing caught fire. The hotel was all wood, and back in those days they didn't have fire stairs, emergency exits, sprinklers, or smoke alarms.”

“Do you remember where the hotel was?”

The Chief goes to the map of the area on the captain's wall, looking it over a minute before he puts a finger down. “If I remember right, somewhere around here? But like you said it's been nearly thirty-five years, why?”

The fire captain gets up and looks at the area where the Chief is pointing, and nods.

“That's what I was afraid of. A couple months ago, a contractor was clearing land in that area. He came across a skeleton and called in the police department. By the time they got done with the site, they found nearly two hundred bodies. That's the same area that you say the hotel was located.”

The fire chief shakes his head. “They said they got all the guests out. They told us they did.”

“Did you see any guests?” The Fire Captain asks, a hand on his shoulder.

“No, but it had been a few hours after the fire started that we got called in. I remember our Chief yelling at the owner of the hotel that we should have been called in sooner, we might have been able to save the building.”

“Maybe they didn't want the building saved.”

“There was rumors that he was involved in shady business deals, and he did get a big insurance payout.” the Chief says, dropping into a chair. “But to kill so many people? For insurance?”

“Could it have been an accident? Was there any investigations?”

“Not back in them days, the nearest arson investigator was in New York, we didn't have one to cover our district for another ten years. My son-in-law investigates insurance claims, let me call him and see if he can dig anything up.” he picks up the phone and dials a number, talking quietly with his son-in-law for a few minutes before hanging up.

“You have the number of the person you talked to?”

The fire captain nods and hands it over. He dials the long distance number.

“Hello?” the man on the other end says.

“Mr. Grissom, this is Chief Haynes of the fire department, I hear you have some questions about a hotel fire in July 78? I was one of the firemen who responded to the call.”

“Chief Haynes, can you hold on a minute while I get some of the others on the phone?” Grissom asks.

“I can hold.” he puts the phone on speaker and leans back in the chair. Grissom heads for the other room. “I have the fire chief on the line, he says he was one of the firemen who was there when the hotel burned.” Everybody looks at him as Horatio picks up the phone. “Line three, this name is Haynes.” Grissom says.

“Chief Haynes?” Another voice asks a couple of minutes later.

“I'm here.”

“I'm Horatio Caine, I'm the man in charge of this investigation. You say you were one of the firemen who responded to the call?”

“Yeah, I'm the chief for this area, I was visiting one of my captains. He knows I'm from this area and asked me if I remembered a hotel fire in this area back in 78. He told me about the bodies that had been found, and let me tell you, we did not know there were any fatalities. We were told by the owner of the hotel that everybody had been evacuated.”

“When did you respond to the fire?”

“It was fully engulfed when we arrived, so it had to have been burning for a couple of hours. Our Chief yelled at the owner because we weren't called in earlier, we weren't able to go near the building, we could only hose down the nearby buildings to keep them from catching and let it burn itself out. At the time, we thought they'd been evacuating the building and trying to put the fire out themselves and only called us in when it got too much for them.”

“Do you think it may have been arson? Was there an investigation.”

“Back then, we didn't have a local arson investigator, we'd have had to bring in one from New York. I don't remember if the brass called in anybody or not, I was new to the job and as low man on the totem pole I wasn't privy to any gossip. I do know that there was a large insurance payout, the owner dozed the site as soon as everything was cool.”

“Was there any hint that he was involved in anything illegal?”

“Not that I recall, but there were rumors. I'd have to look the records up to see who owned the hotel at that time since I can't remember his name right off the top of my head.”

“We can do that, Chief Haynes. Thank you for your help.”

“Please let me know what you find out, Mr. Grissom, Mr. Caine, it don't seem right that those poor people were there for so many years and nobody knew anything about them.”

Horatio ends the call and turns to look at the others. “Ryan, get on the computer and find out what you can find on the hotel and whoever owned it. See if he had any other businesses that were burned out and he got insurance money from them. Grissom, can you see if he had any enemies who might have burned the hotel to intimidate him. See if you can find out who talked to the fire chief at the time and told him everybody had been evacuated.”

“You think somebody wanted him to sell out and burned him out when he wouldn't? Wouldn't he have said something if that was the case?” Xander asks.

“Not if he was as crooked as they were. We saw a lot of falling outs among thieves when we were in the lab.” Speed says.

“So that was a warning. To shut up and get out of the business or next time it will be you?”

“That's something else to check into, what he did after the fire.” Horatio says. Everybody turns to their computers, starting searches.

“The owner of the hotel at the time of the fire was one James Owens, he purchased the property less than a year previously and took out a standard insurance policy at that time, a week before the fire he upgraded the policy, the new amount took effect the day of the fire.” Hodges says.

“Is there any records of the employees? If they were local and disappeared somebody would have noticed. Were they in on it or . . .”

Everybody turns their attention to the papers in front of them or the computer.

“I can't find any records of hotel employees, can you?” Ryan complains.

“No, it's like they never existed. No social security numbers, no records of taxes, no nothing.” Horatio picks up copies of the fire reports Chief Haynes had faxed them. “The Chief at the time talked to the owner, I don't see any mention of employees.”

“What do we have on the owner?”

“James Owen has a history of buying failing businesses and taking out major insurance policies on them, then having them accidentally burn down or be otherwise destroyed.” Grissom states. “He was sentenced to five years in jail on one count of insurance fraud ten years ago, he served a little under two years before being released under humanitarian grounds, he'd been diagnosed with prostate cancer.”

“Any known criminal associates?”

“None reported, it looks like he's just a low level criminal. . .at least he was until the bodies were found.”

“Any other injuries in his previous scams?”

Grissom looks over the papers in front of him. “None reported, the businesses were closed at the time of their fires. According to the records, his usual MO was getting in a huge stock for a sale then having a fire before it could happen.”

“Do we think he was clearing out the businesses before setting them on fire and selling the stock that was supposedly destroyed?” Greg asks. “Was the merchandise paid for or did he owe money on it and his creditors had to eat the money they were out? Or file their own insurance claims. If it was the same suppliers every time, they could have been in on it.”

“No, it looks like it was different businesses every time. One was a clothing store, one was a sporting good store, one was electronics. . . we'll have to dig a little deeper but I'm pretty sure they would have different suppliers.”

“H, isn't this a stretch, going from burning businesses to burning people?” Speed asks. “He was a crook, yeah, but he wasn't setting out to hurt anybody. . .until that night. And it doesn't look like he's pulled any insurance jobs since then.”

The others check their records. “No, it looks like he dropped out of sight until he was arrested and charged with insurance fraud.”

“Maybe somebody found out what he was doing and made him stop? Or he realized how many people had been killed by his latest scam and it shook him up? That many deaths, he wouldn't have gotten a few years, he'd have gotten life if he'd been caught.”

“Why would he stop? People like this don't stop of their own accord. They don't think they're hurting anybody.”

“What if one of the people who was killed in the fire was . . .special?” Xander asks.

“Special how?”

“Connected? Maybe a member of a mafia family or a gang, gangs were around back then, even if they weren't as active as they are now? They found out who had killed their loved one and threatened him?”

“They wouldn't have threatened him, they'd have killed him for killing their family member.” the others tell him.

“That's what I thought, but I couldn't think of a way for him to have stopped after the fire.” Xander complains.

“I'll have to ask him.” Horatio says, standing up. Darkness seems to flow around him, shrouding him in it and changing his hair from Red to Black. His voice deepens and he begins to laugh, a sound that brings a chill to everybody's spine, before vanishing from the room.

“I hate it when he does that.” Eureka Ryan complains, automatically tidying the papers in front of him.

“What was that?” everybody asks him.

“That? That was the Shadow. James Owen might have escaped justice thirty years ago when the bodies were hidden, but he won't be escaping it now.” He says as tidies the papers up in front of him. “We might as well leave for the day, he won't be back for a while.”

Meanwhile in a house across the country, a man whimpers as he looks at the reports in newspapers about the bodies that had been found. Why? Why after all this time would somebody have started developing the property? He'd thought he'd gotten away with his crime.

“James Owen, you have some explaining to do.” A voice seems to say from the shadows. He shivers and starts looking around. “You have deaths on your conscience, many, many deaths.”

“Who, who are you? Show yourself!” he bluffs.

A voice laughs, a chilling sound. Suddenly a man appears before him, dressed all in black. A hat is pulled low over his eyes, eyes that seem to burn through him.

“James Owen, do you have anything to say that would mitigate your guilt in the deaths of the men and women whose bodies have been found where your hotel once stood?”

“I .. I don't know what you're talking about.” he bluffs. “My name is Charles Alexander, not James Owen.”

“Be that as it may, James Owen was the name you used when you brought failing businesses and burned them for the insurance money. And James Owen was the name you used when you owned the hotel that burned to the ground in July of 1978. Now why did those men and women have to die?”

“It . . .it was an accident.” he bluffs.

“An accident?” the Shadow asks mockingly. “An accident would be one death, not hundreds. Were your employees in on it or are their bodies among those poor souls that died by your hands?”

The whole sordid story finally comes out. The Shadow leaves the broken whimpering man behind as he leaves. He appears back at his home, startling Ryan when he comes out of the shadows.

“H?” Ryan asks, standing up and holding the other man in his arms. He pulls him down onto the couch beside him.

“He hired illegal immigrants and runaways that nobody would miss, Ryan. He paid them pennies, promising them green cards if they worked for him. They thought they were working for a new life, they were working for their own deaths. I don't think we'll ever identify them, what records he did keep he destroyed when he started the fire. He took the money from the safe and started the fire when the guests were asleep. One of his workers walked in on him, he killed him with a blow to the head.”

“Why did he do it?”

“The money, the hotel was the big money compared to the stores.” Horatio sighed. “Once he'd had a taste of the big money, he didn't want to go back to burning stores. He just never found another hotel that suited him, set aside from other businesses so he had a measure of privacy yet close enough to a larger community to get a good number of guests.”

The whole story is in the papers the next morning, police had been called by an anonymous 911 call to find James Owen dead by his own hand, a letter beside him telling everybody what he had done, saying that he couldn't face jail again. He knew he'd get the death penalty for this, the media would crucify him. After he'd written the letter, he'd walked into the garage and turned his car on, sitting beside the wheel and gassing himself.

Chief Haynes shakes his head when he reads the paper. A saying his mother used to tell him keeps running through his head 'what evil lurks in the heart of man.' Too bad nobody would ever know the names of all the people that bastard had killed. There was talk of a memorial being built on the site, to honor everybody who had died that night.

Back to index

Chapter 22 by josette grover

Eureka Daniel knocks on the open door of the library, DCIS Daniel and Sam Winchester looking up from the books they'd been reading. They smile as he walks into the room, eyes looking hungrily at the books on the walls. His Jack is behind him, two slim cases in either hand. He opens one to reveal a laptop computer and scanner, the other contains portable hard drives.

“This is a list of books that I have access to, either my own personal collection, the ones I can access here in Eureka, and books I copied from Josette's library. . .libraries.” he corrects himself automatically.

“Josette?” DCIS Daniel takes the thumb drive, popping it into his computer. The antivirus scans and clears it, he opens the list and whistles softly. Sam comes over to read over his shoulder.

“Josette was one of the visitors from another dimension that had left days before you showed up, she 's my adopted sister in her world. She had a bus that was bigger on the inside than the outside. . .” DCIS Daniel blinks at that bit of news. “And had literally thousands of books. Some of them she wouldn't let me copy, but I was able to scan literally hundreds that I didn't have before. Her brother didn't know she had so many books, though he did know she read almost constantly, he literally had to be pulled away from the books after eight to ten hours reading.”

Jack snickers. “According to what we heard, another one of his sisters turned the lights off on Danny boy one time, then when he complained walked in, threw him over a shoulder, and locked him in a bedroom for six hours so he could get a shower and some sleep. This was his younger sister too, by the way.”

“His parents didn't die?”

“He was adopted, like most of the kids. I don't know what the story was, but they were adopted out for their own safety. He was raised by his biological family after his adoptive parents were killed.”

The two Daniels confer over the computer screen, Sam shaking his head and settling back in his chair as Jack sets up the computer and scanner.

“So, can I ask why all this?” Eureka Daniel waves a hand around the room.

“Our team was on permanent hiatus...” Eureka Daniel nods. “The President had created this agency but it didn't have a real head yet, just a senior agent acting as one. He called me in, told me what was going on, and next thing I knew I was on a plane to North Dakota with my stuff in Colorado being boxed up and shipped to my new home.”

“Do you ever miss the excitement?”

Sam snorts. “Not with Xander around.” he chuckles. DCIS Daniel moans but nods.

“Xander, the dark haired kid?” Eureka Jack asks. “He's just a kid.”

“Jack O'Neill, the next generation.” he looks over at Jack when he chokes. “After working with you for nearly seven years, I'm stuck with your younger version. Though I seem to be turning into Hammond with my consumption of antacids and aspirin after his reports.”

“He can't be that bad, can he?”

Sam and DCIS Daniel motion for the other two to sit down as they go down Xander Harris' highlights. The Mexico clip is shown in all its glory, Jack choking and shaking his head. “That got Xander spanked by you, he told me about it but he toned it way down in his report. Unluckily for him, one of the Slayers found it online, Sam passed it along to me, Gibbs, Wesley. . .”

“So he's like Jack's love child.” Eureka Daniel looks at the other man. “Should we be looking into your old girlfriends, Jack?” Jack flips him the bird.

“Jack's got better taste in women than Xander's mother.” DCIS Daniel snorts. “Though the way he draws bad women, he should be Sheppard's love child instead.” Jack pouts. “The bad women you draw are usually trying to kill you, the women Sheppard draws are trying to get in his pants, the women Xander draws want in his pants first, then they want to kill him.” He pretends to think. “Something you and Sheppard wanted to tell us?”

“Where is the cause of my many headaches anyway?” DCIS Jack asks, leaning in the doorway.

“He went up to Global Dynamics,” Sam says distractedly, attention on the book in front of him. “Something about talking to Dr. Stark and Jack Harkness about an invention”

Xander looks around Jack's lab, the older man isn't there yet. He'd finally figured out what that niggling idea had been, he'd spent the night before sketching out ideas. He'd sent copies to Harkness's and Dr. Stark's emails when he was finished, with the note that he'd be at Jack's lab in the morning.

He's getting together of list of things he'll need when the door behind him opens, he looks over his shoulder to see Dr. Stark coming into the room.

“Your friends nearly came up with that?” He waves a hand with the drawings Xander had sent him.

Xander snorts. “I'd hardly call them my friends. Warren shot Tara and ended up being flayed by Willow when she went Dark Willow. Andrew was more evil lite, he tried but he was more annoying than really evil. He turned himself around just before Sunnydale fell. They could never quite agree on what they wanted the power source to be for it.” He waves a hand at the paper in front of him. “I think I have everything written down for it, but I want somebody to go over it in case I didn't think of something. The three geeks worked together so much they had a brand of shorthand between the three of them, each knew what the other was thinking when it came to their inventions.”

“Where's the others, couldn't somebody have looked this over it at DCIS?”

“Abby's going over the computer upgrades they did when we took over Atlantis, NID, and Area 51 with Rodney and Sheppard. Both of the Daniels are in geek love in the watcher's library.”

“I'd wondered why I got a request for a large number of portable hard drives and a couple of scanners.” Dr. Stark sighs. He waves a hand at Xander's look. “He did this when Greta and her family was here, Josette had a library in her bus that my Daniel and her Daniel spent days in going over every book.”

“Geeks and their books.” Xander snickers. “Boys and their toys.”

“Exactly,” Dr. Stark says. “And the others?”

“Both Jacks are snickering as they watch the two Daniels bond over books. Dean and John are helping your Winchesters out on something or other, they and some friends arrived last night. John and Dean gathered up some weapons and left with them.

Dr; Stark excuses himself, taking out his phone and dialing his John Winchester's number. He asks them a couple of quick questions and puts his phone away.

“They needed their help for a quick hunt.”

“Dean's been complaining of being bored, that they never go on hunts anymore.” Xander nods.

“Okay, let's see what you .. .” Dr. Stark's voice trails off when an explosion is heard. When Xander blinks his eyes open, he's under the turned over table. The pain in his leg tells him that it's broken or otherwise injured and the deepest part of his mind complains that House is going to kill him for getting injured again. They'd better figure out how to get home pretty soon before he ends up locking himself in his apartment where it's safe and never coming back out. Of course the minute he did, aliens would probably invade from his refrigerator. Idly he wonders if the Ghostbusters are real, then shakes his head and moans at the pain this causes. Terrific, another concussion.

“Xander, are you okay?” Dr. Stark's voice can be heard through the buzzing in his ears. “Xander, can you hear me?”

“Yeah,” Xander mumbles. “What the fuck happened?”

“Explosion nearby, it brought down the ceiling outside and blocked the door.” Dr. Stark's voice comes closer and the weight of the table moves as he slides underneath it to check the younger man out. He doesn't want to remove it in case it's acting as a tourniquet and the younger man is badly injured. But he can't smell any major bleeding, just the tiny bit from the head wound that's already stopped.

Xander blinks as the weight of the table is lifted off him. Thankfully it hadn't been the table filled with projects Jack was working on, he'd have been hurt a lot worse by the projects falling on him. He blinks, rolls onto his back, and tries to push himself up, finding Dr. Stark there holding him down.

“Lie still,” he orders, checking him over for injuries.

“House is going to kill me for ending up in the infirmary again.” he complains, holding a hand to his head.

“You're in luck, you're going to be spending some time in our infirmary instead.”

“Happy happy, joy joy, forgive me if don't get up and dance?” Xander snarks.

“Where do you hurt?”

“My leg, I don't think it's broken, but there's definitely something the matter. I probably have a concussion, I'm going to have a lovely selection of bruises, and I can already feel the headache coming on.” He blinks as a light suddenly appears in front of his eyes. Dammit, he hates when doctors do that.

Dr. Stark smirks slightly when he hears Xander grumbling, he puts the penlight back in his pocket and stands up. All GD labs have first aid kits, that's one of the few rules Thorne didn't mess with while she was in control of the company, hopefully it wasn't damaged in the explosion. It should be somewhere near the door, he looks through the items scattered by the blast. . .yes, there it is. He picks it up. Thankfully all GD first aid kits are made of sturdy metal instead of the plastic boxes that you normally find them in, a plastic box would have been destroyed, the contents rendered useless.

He's not the least bit surprised that Xander has pulled himself up into a sitting position when he gets back to him, thankfully the stubborn young man hasn't tried to stand up. Or maybe he had tried and just didn't make it very far? He wouldn't have put it past him. If their Alex turns out to be half as stubborn as the adult Xander, he's going to be worse than his fathers. Thankfully, they had Wilson, Chase, and Carter to civilize them.

Xander looks up when Dr. Stark drops down next to him, a small metal box dropped in front of him. He opens the box, pulling out a space blanket first he shakes over the younger man. Xander's grateful for the blanket, he had been starting to feel a little cold. Definitely shock, he thinks sourly. The room itself doesn't look like it's damaged so he shouldn't be cold.

Xander hisses when the head wound is cleaned and bandaged. He blinks as he's coaxed to lie back down on the floor, his head pillowed on Dr. Stark's jacket. He closes his eyes for what he swears is just a second, but from the sounds Dr. Stark is making around him more time has to have passed.

He opens his eyes to find Dr. Stark sitting next to him, talking quietly on the phone held to his ear. He looks down, patting Xander on the shoulder when the younger man moves under the blanket. He'd been grateful when Xander had succumbed to his low level hypnotic suggestion, he could initiate a tighter bond with him, scanning for injuries that the younger man wouldn't have told him about or possibly known about, including the three cracked ribs and he'd been able to discover that Xander's knee is dislocated he'd kept him out while he'd set it and put a splint on his leg.

Xander tries moving his leg under the blanket, scowling when it doesn't bend. Nathan holds him down when he tries sitting up. “Your knee was dislocated, I set it and splinted your leg to keep you from moving it but it's badly swollen, when we get out you're going to need an mri in case there was any damage to the muscles. You've got a couple of cracked ribs. . .”

“Not the first time,” Xander mumbles.

“And as you said, you've probably got a concussion.”

“Again, not the first time.” Xander sighs. He finally manages to push himself up into a sitting position against the wall. He doesn't hear anybody moving around outside, but GD has a lot of soundproofing on the labs to keep disturbances down to the minimum. Of course, this had the side-affect of not catching the sound early when an experiment is beginning to go south until it's too late and the Sheriff needs to be called in.

“Any idea what caused the explosion?”

“Somebody being stupid.” Stark scowls, he holds out the phone. Xander can plainly hear Dr. Blake yelling at somebody on the other end. “So much for those who thought the twins would mellow Allison.” he smirks. “Henry's outside trying to find a way to get us out of here without having to clean out all the debris in the hallway. Thankfully the other labs on this floor could be evacuated from the other direction, we're the only ones actually trapped.”

Xander moans as he reaches for his jacket. “Phone,” he says at Nathan's look. “Dawnie, me.” he says, dialing a familiar number. “Head up to Global Dynamics please, there was a lab . . .incident, and Dr. Stark and I are trapped in a lab. No, no injuries.” Stark snorts, echoed a second later by Dawn on the other end. “Okay, nothing too bad.” he finally says. “No, don't you dare tell House, he'll start complaining again and it's not my fault.”

“It truly isn't his fault this time, Dawn, there was an explosion in a nearby lab, debris has blocked the hallway so we can't get out. A table fell over on him, he's a little banged bruised but not badly injured.”

On the other end of the line, Dawn snorts. “Dr. Stark, Xander could be bleeding to death and he'd say he wasn't badly injured.”

“He probably fits right in with Jack and Daniel then, I remember all the complaints General Hammond would pass on from the medical crew because their old team would insist they were fine from everything from a hangnail to a sucking chest wound and everything in between. Jack was an expert at it.”

“Told you I wasn't as bad as Jack.” Xander snorts. “Let me know when you get up here so you can open a portal and get us out of here. That way they don't have to hurry on moving the debris and accidentally bring something down on somebody?”

“I need a photo.” she says.

“Sending you a picture of the lab right now. And no, you can't open the portal from the base. Stubborn wench.” he says automatically.

“Fine, Jack's driving me to Global Dynamics.” Dawn says in the tone of humoring a mentally deficient child. “I don't know why we can't just open it here.” she grumbles.

“One, I don't want the infirmary running out of supplies in case something happens and we don't figure a way to get home. Two, do you want the nice people working on freeing us to go through all that trouble to get to us to find us gone? And three, you need more work opening portals from pictures.”

Dawn mumbles something about annoying brothers but settles back into her seat. They finally arrive at Global Dynamics, following Sheriff Carter up to the hallway. She shakes her head at the debris blocking the hallway.

“Xander, I'm here.”

“Give me a couple of minutes to get up. . .Where are my pants?”

“I had to take them off to pop your knee back into place.” Dr. Stark can be heard patiently saying. Dawn snickers quietly.

“Hush wench,” Xander orders, hearing the laughter. “Your pants won't fit over the brace anyway. And don't even think of trying to stand on that leg.”

“I'm not,” She hears Xander complain. “I'm trying to stand on my good leg.”

She leans against Jack O'Neill cackling.

“Are we taking him home?” he pats her on the shoulder.

“Nope, Stark has arranged for a bed in our infirmary.” Sheriff Carter says. “They're used to me and Stark, they can put up with anything Xander will try.” He nods at the medical team he'd called when he heard Dawn had arrived.

Dawn snickers softly but opens the portal. Stark walks out, Xander in his arms. . .complaining. He's got the space blanket wrapped around his legs, his pants bundled up in his arms. “Jack,” Xander waves. “Here, this is what I was trying to figure out the other day.” He passes Harkness the drawings he'd come up with. “Your lab is fine, things just got rattled a little.”

“The table that got knocked over?”

“The one against the wall you use for larger projects.”

“Ahh, thank you.” he takes the drawings, looks at them automatically, and blinks. “Good thing they never could decide on a power source, huh?”

“Yes,” he shudders. What Xander had come up with from the projects on his table could be very dangerous in the wrong hands. He watches as Xander's carried down the hall to the elevator. Now that the trapped people have been rescued, everybody relaxes and turns their attention to other details, finding out what caused the explosion, checking to see if there was any damage to the other labs on the floor, and clearing out the debris more slowly. The ceiling of the hall would need replacing though, most of it had come down from the blast.

Sheriff Carter looks at the debris and shakes his head. “Do I need to sent Jo to the infirmary to yell at your idiot employees? She's in a foul mood, she'd enjoy being able to growl at somebody.”

“They're in labs writing up what happened for the reports.” Allison says. “They weren't paying attention and grabbed the wrong chemical by accident. Thankfully it wasn't an instant explosion, they were able to throw it away and get to safety.”

Carter looks around. “All this from grabbing the wrong chemical?”

“A chemical they shouldn't have had in their lab to begin with since it's highly explosive under the wrong conditions and still in the experimental phase.”

“So you need to find out how they got hold of it in the first place?”

“Exactly,” she growls. “I should make you clean this up with your bare hands.” she snaps when one of the employees comes up with his report. He quickly scurries away from the scary woman. “Who's got the kids?” Carter asks.

“Fargo, he said I'd scare them being this angry.”

Carter snorts. “We're talking yours and Stark's son and daughter, they'd coo at momma scaring the idiot scientists. Alex would clap and giggle.” Allison walks off swearing. Carter smiles at her back. “My ex had mood swings for about six months after Zoe was born, this too shall pass.” he says at the horrified looks. He calmly heads for the elevator, Allison will send the lawyers down to him when they get all the paperwork finished. Though those employees are going to wish they had been blown up by the time Allison is done with them.

The elevator opens and Xander is brought out into the infirmary. The nurses had been alerted by Dr. Stark and they're waved towards a room. Thankfully it's Chase waiting for them in the room, a grumbling Xander is soon settled on the bed staring at his leg. A portable MRI is brought into the room and his leg is scanned. He's floating on a haze from whatever had been injected into the iv in his arm, he normally doesn't like being unable to defend himself but he feels safe here. Faith walks into the room, planting herself in a chair by his bed and daring anybody to move her.

“Boytoy, you have got to stop getting into these things.” she snorts when Xander turns his head to look at her. “I don't know who's swearing louder, House or Danny boy. Chase has threatened to shoot them both if they don't shut up. . .if he's nice he'll use trank darts.”

“That,” Xander says, “is why I didn't ask Dawnie to just open a portal from the base.”

“Can't blame you there,” Faith slouches in her chair, hand reaching over to pat the one not encumbered by the i.v line. “So what happened?”

“Explosion down the hall, the shock waves rattled things in the lab we were in.” Dr. Stark says absently. “A lab table fell over on Xander and debris from the hallway ceiling collapsing blocked the door. Were the idiots injured?” he asks House.

“No, they realized what they did and got away before it went off.” he says. “Though from the way Allison's yelling at them they probably wish they were up here where it's safer.”

“Ahhh mood swings,” Stark sighs. “Those are always wonderful to watch, as long as they're not directd at you.”

“That's what Sheriff Carter said.” Dawn says, coming into the room. She pulls up a chair next to Faith as Xander gives up the fight against the good drugs and drifts off to sleep. Faith smiles and gives his hand one last pat as Dr. Stark comes over to them. “What's the what?”

“Excuse me?”

“Faith wants to know how bad Xander's hurt.” Dawn says, rolling her eyes at Faith.

“That's what I said.” she complains.

“They don't speak South Boston here, Faith.” She sighs.

“Xander's knee was dislocated, I popped it back into place and splinted his leg. The MRI doesn't show any damage, but it might be hidden by the swelling so we'll do another one tomorrow. He has a concussion so we'll be keeping an eye on him. He has a couple of cracked ribs, I'm going to order them strapped if they give him any trouble. He's going to have a large selection of bruises, but he's going to be fine.” Both girls sigh and droop back into their chairs. They're not surprised when Dr. Stark pulls up one on Xander's other side and joins them in their vigil. Faith might have wondered if there was another reason Stark was paying attention to Xan, but she'd seen how he looked at Carter so that's not why he's sticking close.

Back to index

Chapter 10 by josette grover

“Umm Hello?” Xander calls. He has no idea how he got here. ..wherever here is. One minute he'd been drifting off to sleep in a Global Dynamics infirmary bed, the next second he's in what looks to be a white room? If a room had clouds for a floor.

Suddenly he sees a picture of the young woman he'd been dreaming about the last few nights. “Young man, you are a very stubborn individual. We've been giving you hints on how you are supposed to get back to your home dimension for some time now, you have yet to take action.”

“Oh wonderful, all knowing arrogant know it alls.” he grumbles. “Are you the PTB or some other beings that like to yank people around for shits and giggles?”

Xander smirks when he realizes he's knocked whoever was talking for a loop. “Well, waiting.” he says in his best Cordelia tone, but he's not going to cross his arms over his chest and tap his foot like she would, he'd look totally ridiculous.

Suddenly there's a disturbance next to him and the girl in question appears. She's even taller than he thought in real life, that might be the hair towering a foot over her head and falling to the floor like a waterfall behind her back. And forget about looking white in the right light, it is white, pure white. She turns around in a circle, hands automatically reaching for weapons that aren't there.

“Young Woman, you have been summoned for a reason. . .” the voice begins to say, then yelps in a high pitched tone that's a stark contrast to the echoing earlier voice when the young lady in question tosses a fireball in his direction. Frantic slapping can be heard, followed by the rush of some liquid being poured on the fire, followed by stomping.

“I TOLD you idiots, quit bringing me here against my will.” she snarls. “Pain in the ass twits that pretend to be . . .” She grumbles.

“Know it all pains in the asses who can't do anything right, yet love to yank us around like puppets on a string, and when something happens that doesn't turn out the way they like, because we made it actually happen without destroying the world, they pout like two year olds and take it out on us for actually succeeding?” a male voice that sounds familiar says from behind her.

“Exactly.” She snarls and turns to look in his direction. “Xander, Xander Harris? What the hell are you doing here?”

“You know me?”

“I know a version of you, well more than one actually but I'm thinking of the one from my dimension right now. And you ain't him.”

“I'm with a government agency in my world, we're the barrier between humanity and demons. We have a prison under our base where we keep both humans and demons that have broken the law. A demon cast a spell to send our base away because we had captured his clan for drug, guns, and slave running. With us out of the way, he could free his clan and go back to running guns. Unfortunately, he didn't realize that our prison was under our base and he and his clan were brought along with us.”

“Bet he's getting smacked for his stupidity.” she smirks.

“We have him in a separate cell so he can't be hurt but he still can be yelled at.” Xander smirks back at her. “When we checked everything out, we discovered we were in Eureka, and that you and your family had just left.”

Greta smirks. “Did the teachers at the school stop twitching yet?” She cackles evilly. Xander looks at her and she grins. “While we were there the principal wanted us attending school because Josette and I are still in our teens. We didn't want to so we had a little. .fun while we there.”

“I'm not sure, I didn't have a chance to visit the school.” He says. “I've had dreams about you the last few nights, I guess I wasn't figuring it out fast enough to suit them, I woke up just now to find myself here and was shown a picture of you. . .again. It seems they think you have the means of getting us home.”

Greta turns in the attention the voices had come before. “Waiting.” She snaps.

“Yes, what the young man has said is correct.” Another voice says quickly. This one sounds almost panicked for some reason. Both of them smirk.

“I'll head over there in a few days.” Greta says, waving a hand in their direction. “Anything else? Otherwise, I'm outta here.” she turns and starts walking into the mist.

“I think the Doctor would like a visit from your sister Josette.” Xander calls at her retreating back. She waves a hand in his direction to let him know she heard and vanishes.

“Well?” Xander asks, turning his attention back to the voices. “Can I go now?” He can almost see a figure making a go away gesture with his hand while moaning. Shrugging, he heads the direction Greta had taken. . .

He's suddenly back in Global Dynamics, the lights are dimmed in the room. Idly he wonders how much time has passed, but there's not clock in the room and he doesn't feel like moving to look at his watch on the table beside the bed. Instead he closes his eyes, swearing at whatever had summoned him earlier that he'd better not be showing back up there again as he falls asleep.

Greta scowls as she opens her eyes in her bedroom on Mount Olympus. Sitting up, she pushes her feet into the slippers by her bed, tosses a robe over her nightgown and walks out of her room. It's quiet, her fathers must have gone to bed while she was asleep. Walking to the front of the temple, she takes a deep breath of the night air and heads down the street to her sister's temple. She pounds on the door until it opens, Josette scowling at her, obviously woken from a sound sleep. The dogs are standing on either side of her protectively until they recognize Greta, rolling onto their backs and begging for belly scratches.

“Some guard dogs you are.” I grumble as Greta comes into my temple. “What the hell is so damn important that you had to pound on my door at, I look at the clock on the wall, “two in the fucking morning? Everybody's asleep, I should be asleep, hell you should be asleep.” I drop onto one of the couches, waving Greta to the other. Cream looks up from the ball he'd been curled up in and scowls at me, I rub his head and he settles back to his nap. “See, even the cats agree it's time to sleep.”

“I just woke up from the strangest dream.” Greta begins.

“Don't eat dagwood sandwiches as a midnight snack.” I say automatically.

“Ha, funny.” She snorts. “It was your dear friends the powers that annoy us.”

“Did you fry their asses?” I ask with a smirk.

“I threw a fireball at them, don't know if I did more than scare them.”

“Better than I could have done.” I yawn. “Did they want something or did they just complain?”

“There was somebody else up there, Xander Harris. Or at least another version of Xander Harris.” she says automatically. “Seems he works for the government in his world, his agency is the buffer between humans and demons. He'd arrested a demon clan that was running guns and drugs, one of them cast a spell to send the agency away so he could free his clan but he was captured by the spell and sent away too. They're supposed to be in Eureka, they arrived a little while after we left.”

“The teachers stopped twitching yet?” I smirk.

“He doesn't know, he didn't have a reason to go to the school.” Greta smirks. “What do you say we go find out for ourselves?” She smirks evilly.

I give her an identical evil smirk, ruined by a yawn I try hard to swallow. “In the morning.” I say firmly. “Daniel's been complaining about being bored while he's off, see if he wants to come along?”

“Jack would shoot us.” Greta says firmly. “You know how long he yelled last time.”

“Last time wasn't our fault.” I raise a hand. “We didn't grab him and drag him along, he went of his own free will along with everybody else.” I stop and think a minute. “Well, Ryan and Spence didn't Buck grabbed them and jumped through the portal, but Daniel was more than a little perturbed that we had the technology and he didn't know about it. You know that was just the opportunity he needed to examine it firsthand.”

Greta snorts at me. “Yeah, but tell Jack that.”

“Jack knows how Daniel is about new technology.” I snort then cackle. “Besides, Jack's off too with Daniel off, ask him to come along?”

“Hammond would shoot us.” Greta says firmly.

“No, Hammond would shoot us if we showed up at SGC with orders that we we going to be there for a few . . ..days, weeks, months. . .” I say with a grin. “Because he thinks we'd get Daniel in soooooo much trouble.”

“Daniel gets in sooooooo much trouble all on his own, you two don't need to get him in any more.” A voice from the doorway says, Joxer coming in and looking at us. “What was damn important that you got up and left the Temple at two in the morning?”

“How did you know I left the Temple?” Greta asks him as Joxer drops onto the couch beside her.

“We have a charm on your room, keep track of you when you have your insomnia cycles.” He says. “So why did you come bother Josette?” Greta looks up at our dad as he wraps an arm around him, pulling me off my couch so I end up tucked under his other arm and tells him of her dream.

“Okay, you can go and see if it really did happen.” he says finally. “Keep a line open to us so we know one way or the other. You might need help bringing them home, especially if their base did get sent.”

Greta moans. “Yeah, I hadn't thought about that. I don't think Friday or Josette's bus can materialize around something that big.”

“Let us know, one way or the other.” Joxer says. “Now, time for good little girls to get back in bed.”

“Who's a good little girl?” Greta and I snort as we get to our feet. I head back to my bedroom and the warm bed that's been calling 'josette, josette, I'm still nice and warm, my pillow is pounded into the perfect shape for you to sleep on, josette come back to me' for the last ten minutes as Greta and Joxer leave by the front door.

Cream tapping me on the forehead wakes me up the next morning, I open one eye and the brat smirks down at me. “Keep it up, eat nothing but commercial cat food for a week.” I warn him. He shudders and turns away, showing me what's under his tail.

“Road trip,”I call to the other critters as I get out of the tub, the cherubim having set out a change of clothes for me while I was bathing I grab my laptop case and other things I think I'll need and walk out to the bus, finding Greta leaning against the door with Purlina sitting on the hood of the bus. I smirk and open the door, the critters fighting to be the first one on. Greta and I cackle as Peaches launches herself off Sugar's back, landing on the drivers seat. She looks at the others and smirk, they scowl and walk onto the bus, ignoring their howling charges outside.

Greta and I finally settle down and get onto the bus, the door opening again just after I shut it and a grumbling Daniel and Mini-Jack come aboard, duffel bags over their shoulders. I look at them. “Joxer told us you were heading back to Eureka for a while, Danny's bored. I'm here to keep him out of trouble.” Mini-Jack says, settling into a seat.

“Anybody else?” I call out the door.

“Yes.” A voice calls and a loudly protesting Gregory House is shoved on the bus, Wilson handing Mini-Jack his bag.

“You pissed off the pregnant man again, didn't you?” Greta asks with a grin as I start the bus.

“No, Grandma Hera.” he pouts. “She's still on her 'you're going to get married before the baby arrives, aren't you?' kick. If I'm gone, she can't nag Wilson and Chase about it.”

“Gregory.” Hera screeches as she sees him wave and smirk from a window as the bus goes by. Asclepius scowls as she stomps his way. “Leave them alone.” he tells her. “All you are doing is making him even more stubborn by demanding they marry.” She storms off and he sighs, resisting the urge to make a rude gesture at her back. Does she really think that she can make Gregory House, the king of pigheaded idiots, do something he doesn't want to do?

The bus appears just past the welcome to Eureka sign outside of town, the gods aboard feeling the shields hiding the town from normal view wrap around them as they pass through it. I blink as we pass what used to be an empty field, pulling the bus off the road and getting out to look at the buildings. Greta sighs and dials a familiar number, taking a picture of the field.

Back on Mount Olympus, Joxer receives the call and brings up the picture, then looks at his husbands. He'd told them about Greta's little visit with the powers last night, they'd been waiting to hear from her or Josette one way or the other whether they'd be needed. “Call the others, we need to head back to Eureka.” he tosses his phone to Ares, who looks down at the picture. “Okay, Mother is upset at Gregory anyway, I'm sure they won't mind being away from her for a few days.”

“Hera still on her kick to get them married before the baby comes?” Hades sighs, heading to Asphodel to tell his staff he'd be gone for a while.

Joxer merely nods. “Ace packed House a bag, Wilson shoved him on Josette's bus before they left.” He heads for the door, grabbing a few shoulders and talking to them quietly. They nod, heading to their Temples and grabbing bags of clothes or other things they think they'll need and quietly heading back to the Hall of War. Once everybody is there, Ares smiles and opens a room off his throne room, revealing a TARDIS's control room. Ares and Hades stand on either side of the controls, flipping switches and sliding levers as the others sit down in seats scattered around the room. Oh, they could have used anybody's temple to travel to that other dimension but Ares has been traveling more than they have lately. Hera moans as she sees her son's temple vanish, it's bad enough Greta goes haring around the universe in Friday, now her son's doing it? She goes to whine to her husband, he'll listen to her even if none of the others will. Unfortunately, her husband had heard her complaining and vanished before she appeared in their temple. She snarls, if he's off with one of his little chippies he's going to end up with such a case of the clap, it's finally going to shrivel up and fall off! The thought of emasculating her husband puts her in a better mood, she can deal with her stubborn grandchild later.

I smirk at Greta as we pull up in front of the school, opening the bus door. One of the teachers is standing outside and we can see her whimper on the screen over the windshield as she sees the bus pull up. We make sure she sees us in the doorway before pulling away.

Carter picks up the phone at the Sheriff's office, listening to the hysterical voice on the other end of the line. He's not quite sure what he says before he ends the phone call, he thought it was something soothing but he's working purely on training. The phone ends up in the cradle as he starts banging his head on the desk. Jo looks over at him like he's finally lost his mind, bringing over a chair pad and putting it under his head before he does any damage, either to his head or the desk.

“Call Stark,” he finally moans. “Tell him Josette's bus just pulled up in front of the school.”

“Awww,” she smirks. “Were the teachers scared they'd come back to class?” She picks up her phone and dials Global Dynamics, giving Fargo the message.

“I think that's what they were trying to say, I couldn't be sure what with the hysterical crying in the background.” he sits up, taking two aspirin for his headache. “They pulled away, the teacher didn't see what direction they were headed.”

Fargo whimpers when he receives the phone call from Deputy Lupo, heading up to the infirmary where Dr. Stark said he'd be when he came in this morning. Alex is sitting on the counter at the nurse's station babbling and he walks over, getting a baby hug and squeeze before begging for two aspirin.

“Bad news?” Owen asks as Fargo swallows them dry.

“Dr. Stark, Deputy Lupo says Josette's bus pulled up in front of the school a few minutes ago.” he calls, might as well give everybody the bad news at the same time. “One of the teachers called Sheriff Carter .. .crying.”

“So I should expect them to be coming in tonight with alcohol poisoning?” Wilson sighs.

Stark picks up a phone, dialing the number for Jack Harkness's lab. “Jack, Josette's in town.” he says when somebody picks up on the other end of the line. He hangs up as the results of Xander's MRI is brought up. On the other end of the line, Ianto sighs and hangs up the phone. “Jack, Dr. Stark says Josette's in town.”

Jack looks up from going over his lab looking for damage from yesterday's explosion, blinks, and grins.

Ianto holds out his hands defensively. “Oh no, I was there for some of the stunts your daughter and her sister pulled at the school, I know exactly what you're thinking. Not even the principal is that stupid to demand they attend school while they're here, not after what happened last time”

Jack picks up his phone, dialing his house.

“Harkness residence.” the Doctor says, picking up the phone.

“Me Doc, Josette's in town.” his husband says on the other end of the line. He looks out the window by the phone when he hears something outside, smiling as he sees Josette's bus pull up in front of a house across the street. “Yes Jack, her bus just pulled up at their house. I can see Greta's hair from here.”

Jack chuckles as he hangs up. “They're at their house.” he says.

At the house, the Doctor smiles as he hears the TARDIS purring in his mind. “Yes, Josette's here, she'll be over to see you when they get settled in.” he pats the TARDIS as he walks by. He blinks when he hears a car outside, looking out to see Simon Banks pull into the driveway. The back doors of his car opens and the kids get out of the car, running across the street when they see Josette and her sister.

“School got canceled. . .a teacher 'emergency'.” Simon says. His son is smirking from the passenger seat. “Personally, I think they all went somewhere to cry or get drunk when the news Greta's in town went through the building.”

“Daryl.” Simon moans.

“Tell me I'm wrong.” his son says.

Simon shakes his head, he can't.

“Thank you for bringing the children home Simon, I appreciate that.” the Doctor says as Simon gets back into the car. “The least I can do after all the times you and Jack have taken Daryl to school in the winter or watched him after school while I was working.” Simon says as they pull out of the driveway, heading down the street to their house.

The same driver who had called in the base appearing outside of town nearly runs off the road when the field across from the base suddenly has a building appear in it. He shakes as he shuts off the car, pulling out his phone and dialing the sheriff's office. He's going to have to take another way to work if buildings are going to keep appearing around him.

Carter takes the phone call, asks a couple of questions, and sighs. “Greta's father is here.” he says without opening his eyes. “The temple just appeared across the road from the base.” He hears Jo speak quietly to somebody before putting down her phone. He feels a hand pat his shoulder. “He'll keep them from getting too wild.” Carter opens his eyes, looks up at Jo, and snorts. “Well, he'll try anyway.” she says.

Meanwhile at the Base, Daniel blinks as he looks across the road to the ancient Greek Temple that just appeared. He blinks, takes off his glasses, and rubs his eyes, but nope, it's still there. He looks over at Jack who's standing beside him. Jack's staring in that direction also. “Good, it's not just me.” he says, turning to walk back into the building. He'll think about suddenly appearing ancient Greek Temples later. Right now, he needs a drink. “A Temple just appeared across the road, by the looks of it I'd say Greek.” Jack says at everybody's looks. Their counterparts look at each other and head for the door. “That's Greta's family, I wonder if she's here too.” Eureka Jack picks up his phone, dialing a couple of numbers.

“I wonder if their Daniel is here.” Eureka Daniel says.

I look up as my phone beeps. “Dad's in town,” I call outside to Greta as I get out of the drivers seat. “The Temple's across the road from the base.” Greta nods and heads for the car in the driveway, waving as she pulls into the street. Meanwhile I shut the door on the bus and walk across the street with the kids, getting a hug from the Doctor as we go into the house.

Back to index

Chapter 11 by josette grover

Author's Notes:

A note--If you've watched WordGirl on PBS, or even if you haven't, there's a recurrng villain who's a young blond boy that wears glasses. He's always getting into trouble with giant robots.  He's who I'm seeing for this chapter. He usually controls them with a joystick, but since that doesn't seem to work, he took the direct approach this time.

Xander wakes up from the nap he'd been taking after the MRI. His ribs had been wrapped to give him some support when the bruises had started making themselves known. Faith is napping on two chairs across the room, a blanket wrapped around her. He looks up when a figure comes around the curtain separating the beds, Xander holds his finger up to be quiet, hissing when it pulls on sore muscles.

Greta smirks as she pulls up a chair, turning it around to straddle it backwards, folding her arms over the top.

“Nice to finally meet you in something besides my dreams.” Xander says. “And no, it wasn't those types of dreams.” he says at her smirk.

“Can't say I've ever been the cause of those type dreams, according to my family, nightmares mostly.” she snorts. A nurse looks around the curtain and nods when she sees Xander's awake, coming back with a tray of food. “You eat, we're working on getting you home, figuring out which dimension is going to take the longest.” Greta stands up as Faith snorts, waking up from her sleep.

“Wha's up?” she mumbles, rubbing her hands over her face. “I thought I heard somebody else here.” she says, looking around. Nobody's there but Xander in his bed. The curtain opens and Dr. Stark comes into the room, walking over to the bed.

“How you feeling?” he asks quietly.

“I have a headache, but that's nothing new “ Xander says quietly. “I've had concussions before, too many gravestones against my head while slaying My knee is. . .numb.”

“That's because we have you on the good drugs.” Dr. Stark says as the nurse comes in to change out the iv bag and give him another dose of medication. “You may need surgery on your knee, we're waiting for the swelling to go down some more to decide one way or the other.”

~ ~ ~

At Cafe Diem Vincent looks up when the bell over the door rings. “Vincent, do you need me today?” Zoe asks as she walks into the building. He blinks and looks at the clock. “Shouldn't you still be in school?” he asks calmly.

“School was canceled,” Zoe smirks. “Josette and Greta are back in town, I think our teachers went home to cry.”

“No Zoe, I don't think I'll need you until this afternoon.” Vincent looks at the clock. If Greta and Josette are in town, most people are going to be staying home or visiting the churches to pray for their sanity. At least until the girls show they won't do the same thing to them they did to those poor teachers for putting them back in high school.

“Okay, I'll go work on my homework at the Sheriff's office for a few hours? Say around three-thirty?”

“That will be fine Zoe, thank you.” Vincent says. He'll have to check on his supplies and maybe order more for the girls, they have good sized appetites and they love his cooking.

Zoe walks into the sheriff's office, dropping a kiss on her dad's head where it's lying on his desk.

“Zoe?” he asks without looking up.

“School was canceled for the day, I thought I'd do schoolwork here for a few hours.” She looks at her Dad and Jo, “I don't know why everybody is so upset because Josette and her sister are back in town. Greta helped me with that project.”

“The principal demanded Josette and Greta be in school while they were here before, ignoring the fact that Greta's already graduated from high school and college in her world. Josette was being home schooled because her family didn't feel she would fit in a 'normal' school setting. She was taking college level classes in some areas. Neither girl wanted to be there. The girls let them know how unhappy they were to be forced to go to school in no uncertain terms.”

“I'd wondered, Greta's smart. I mean she's graduated high school and has three college degrees already.”

“Too smart for her own good, some people would probably say. She's one of those geniuses who did everything at their own pace, having to conform to somebody else's ideals rubbed both of them the wrong way.”

“Ahh I see, so as long as people don't try to force them to do something, like attend high school because they aren't eighteen. . .”

“Everything should be fine. Now they might like to take college classes while they're here since we're offering some at night. They wouldn't have any problems with that since it would be their choice, not anybody else's.”

Zoe smiles as she sits down at the table in the corner of the room, pulling her schoolwork out of her bag and starting to work.

She looks up when the door opens and the girl they'd just been talking about walks into the room. “Hello Greta,” Carter says.

“Hello Sheriff, Jo, Zoe.” Greta says, pulling up a chair. “I know the news that we're back has spread like wildfire through town but I thought I'd officially let you know we're here. We'll be good this time around, now that we're not being forced to go to school because the schools didn't want to accept our test grades.”

Carter holds up one hand. “They've learned their lesson after last time, you can consider yourselves officially graduated from Tesla High School, the Doctor has your diplomas if you want them Talk to the Doctor and Jack, we're offering college classes at night, there might be something you'd be interested in, the library will have a copy of the catalog.”

Greta smirks, standing up and kissing him on the cheek. Carter sighs as his headache vanishes as quickly as it appeared. “I'm going to be working on a new book while I'm here, Josette's visiting the Doctor and Jack, we'll try to stay out of the teachers hair. Word of warning though, our House is here so there's two of them.”

Carter moans, his headache has just returned. “Actually our new visitors have a House of their own, so we have three Gregory Houses running around town.”

Greta looks up at the ceiling. “The world isn't going to come to an end because there's three Houses here, right?” she asks.

“I hope not.” Carter sighs. “Why did you bring yours with you?”

“He pissed off our grandmother again by not wanting to marry Chase and Wilson before the baby comes. His dad packed a bag and shoved him on the bus before we left.”

“Baby?” Carter blinks. “Your House isn't pregnant, right?” he's trying not to whimper, but he doesn't care. Because a pregnant Gregory House has to be a sign of the apocalypse.

“Oh god no,” Greta shudders. “A pregnant House would really mean the world was ending.”

Carter sighs, at least until Greta's next words. “No, Chase is the one who's knocked up.”

Jo blinks. “Men can have babies? Your Chase is male, right?”

“Yes, Chase is a guy in our world. And yes, men can have kids, it takes a lot of power.”

“Oh Greta, we got an A on that project you helped out with.” Zoe says as Greta reaches the door. Greta looks back and smiles. “Good to know, did the teacher do that experiment herself?”

“Yep, she didn't believe the results we got, we did it all as a class assignment.” she says. “I have the notes she wrote on the paper at home.”

“I'll come over some night before we leave to look at it.” Greta says before she leaves the building. She stops outside the building and takes a deep breath of Vincent's cooking, walking down the street and entering the Cafe.

Vincent smiles as she takes a seat at the counter, putting a dish in front of her almost as soon as she sits down. Greta blinks as some familiar people come in the cafe and nod at Vincent before taking a seat.

“You know them from your world?” Vincent asks as he heads back to the kitchen to prepare their orders.

“Yeah, they're comic book characters in my world.” Greta shakes her head. After all she's seen here, why should finding out the Justice Society of America is real be any different. Josette's going to flip when she tells her though.

“Who's the young lady at the counter?” Jay Garrick asks as Vincent brings them their food. They'd been gone from Eureka for a couple of weeks, they'd had to head to New York for a board meeting for the Justice Society.

Billy Batson looks over. “Oh that's Greta, I didn't know she was back in town.” he says.

“She just arrived, I think she's here to help find a way for our other visitors to go home.” Vincent says.

There's an explosion from outside, Greta sighs wipes her mouth, and gets up from her spot at the counter. Everybody rushes to the front door and Jay turns to the others.

“Stay here, “ he orders. “Billy, you and I are needed.”

They rush outside to where the manned robot is standing.

“There you are.” a voice thunders.

Greta looks outside. “Vincent, can you keep that warm for me? I'll be right back.” She steps outside where Jay is running around the robot, the man inside trying to hit him while swatting at Captain Marvel who's flying around his head.

“Hey dumbass, why are you doing this?” She bellows. Jay looks over. “Get back inside,” he yells. He dodges at fist that's aimed at him, he can't run, grab her, and get her to safety, it will turn their foe's attention on her.

“You are standing between me and my rightful destiny of ruling this world.”

“Excuse me,” Greta cups her ear with one hand. “I can't hear you. Speak up.” “Twit,”she says softly

“I said, you are standing between me and my rightful destiny.”

Greta cups a hand behind her ear again. “Eh?” she asks insultingly.”Speak up boy, you're mumbling.”

“I SAID, YOU STAND BETWEEN ME AND MY DESTINY!” the man in the robot roars. But the girl standing by the building still claims she can't hear him. In fact, she makes a come here gesture in his direction. Doesn't she know she's supposed to be afraid of him? Disgusted, he moves the robot down to a bending position so his head is near hers. He says something.

“Open the glass, we can't hear you.” Greta shouts. “Dumbass.” she says softly.

He does just that, only for Greta to lash out and belt him. He shakes his head, moaning, as she flips the switch to turn the robot off and pulls him from the control unit.

“You obviously never read the evil overlord's list.” she snorts as she drags him down the street to the sheriff's office. Carter blinks as she drags him into the room.

“Here you go, one idiot who was trying to take over the world. His robot's outside in the street.” Jo stands up, looks outside to see Captain Marvel and the Flash staring at the robot, then Greta, and back at the robot. She sighs and frisks him before formally arresting him and throwing him in a cell. Carter sighs and calls Global Dynamics to ask what they want them to do with the robot.

Greta smirks as she walks out of the sheriff's office. “Gotta love idiots who are out to rule the world, the more impressive their spiel, the easier it is to stop them.” she says before walking back into the Cafe Diem. Vincent smiles at her and puts the plate back down in front of her. Charles McNider and Pietr Cross stare at her back as she calmly goes back to eating.

“You know, Eureka has to be the only place where a guy in a giant robot doesn't even warrant a blink.” Greta says, wrapping her hands around the coffee Vincent pours for her. “Thanks Vincent, I needed this.”

Jay and Billy finally come back into the cafe, giving Greta's back lingering looks when they think she's not looking. She finishes of the plate of food Vincent put in front of her, accepts the bag of sandwiches and fruit he hands her, and kisses him on the cheek before leaving.

Global Dynamics is hard at work outside, a team of employees taking apart the giant robot and putting the pieces on trucks that pull up, load and leave. Traffic is moving around the robot, being directed by Benton Fraser. Dief woofs and comes up to her for a head rub.

“Sorry Dief, I don't have a . . .” she looks in her bag. “Yes I do have a doughnut for you.” She hands it to him and he smiles as he trots off, Fraser's moan audible over the sound of people working. “Thanks Vincent,” she calls over her shoulder as she bites into an apple and walks off.

Greta finishes the apple and stuffs the bag of food in her pocket before she walks into the library, “wipe your hands.” one of the librarians says automatically as she walks inside. She walks into the bathroom to do that before sitting down at a table.

“Hello pest.” Greta looks up and smirks as Dr. Owen Harper drops into the chair across from her. “Is that any way to greet the person who saved you from rattling your chains and insulting Jack behind his back for all eternity?”

“No, but that's how I greet you. And I can still insult Jack behind his back.”

“Yeah, but it's not as satisfying as insulting him to his face, is it?”

Owen chuckles. “True.”

Back to index

Chapter 23 by josette grover

Ryan looks up from the file in his hands when the door to the cold case bureau opens and H walks into the room. Ryan moans softly at the figure he makes standing in the doorway, suit hanging just so, hair glinting in the sunlight reflected from a nearby window. Speed, who'd volunteered to come in and help complaining he was bored with nothing to do at the base, smirks at him.

“Yes, he knows exactly what affect he has on people.” he says in a 'stage whisper' that's clearly audible to all three of them. It's just the three of them in for the day, Ianto is off helping Jack get his lab back to rights after the explosion and David had said he wasn't letting Grissom out of his sight until Sidle was gone. She'd been allowed to stay in Eureka for a couple of days when it was confirmed by House that she hadn't hurt Grissom and she had been right, she didn't have any powers from her mother. But everybody knew it was just an excuse for them to lock themselves in their home and fuck like bunnies.

Greg was off talking to one of the schools Global Dynamics is associated with, he'd been taking classes to get his degree. Like Ryan he'd started working on a higher degree when he'd started work for GD. But in addition to taking classes, he'd been asked to tape some lectures for the school's CSI classes. He'd been stunned at first, if anybody should be teaching, it should be Grissom.

Archie had taken to helping out the historians at Global Dynamics when they'd arrived, his classes for questionable documents and his work in AV making him the perfect man to film damaged documents and work on filling in information on the computer. They don't have that many cases where he's needed so he's glad to be doing work he's been training for.

H shuts and locks the door behind him, turning to look at the others. Speed is wearing a pair of jeans that have seen better days, old enough to cling to every curve he has. His t-shirt is riding up as he stands up from checking the contents of a lower shelf and he scratches his stomach absently. His hair is mussed like he's been running his hands through it, and his mouth is just begging to be kissed. So H walks across the room and does just that.

“Well, it's about damn time H.” Speed says when they finally stop kissing. Ryan squeaks and moves to get up and leave, Speed reaching over and pulling him into their embrace. Ryan's mouth opens as H's lips descend on his and he finds himself kissed no less fervently than Speed had been.

When they finally stop kissing, Ryan is stunned to find himself squeezed between the two men. Speed is pressed against his back, holding him in his arms.

“Somebody is wearing too many clothes.” Speed says huskily.

“All of us.” H agrees, reaching over and unbuttoning Ryan's vest, allowing Speed to take it off of him. It's placed on the clothes rack in the corner of the room, followed by his shirt minutes later. Both men smile as they look at Ryan's nearly hairless chest, Speed reaching up and pinching his nipples. Ryan yelps and wriggles, his attention on the hands tormenting him allowing H to unfasten and remove his belt and unzip his pants.

When Ryan becomes aware of what they're doing he freezes. Speed tilts his head and starts nibbling on his ear. “Relax Ryan, it's just us. We won't do anything you don't want us to.” he tells him. He moans and tilts his head back to lean against Speed's shoulder as Speed distracts him again. He looks down when H pulls his slacks down, kicking off his shoes and socks. He whimpers as H pulls his underwear off, leaving him naked while the other two men are fully dressed.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god.” Ryan chants, moaning as H sinks to his knees and takes his cock in his hands. Both men smirk at the sounds he's making. If he's this vocal when H is just holding his cock, how's he going to react when. . .

Ryan howls, thankful for the soundproofing when H takes his cock in his mouth. H smirks around the younger man's cock, sucking on it to bring him to full hardness. Oh god, Ryan thinks with a moan, none of his girlfriends had ever done that to him before. He shudders and comes, H drinking him down like a fine wine.

Ryan shudders and leans against Speed, shaking from his orgasm. H gets to his feet and lifts Ryan into his arms, carrying him down the hall to the bedroom they had set up earlier that day. It's normally used by whoever is staying late and doesn't feel like driving home, now. . .well now it's being used for a seduction.

Ryan looks around the room, finally realizing the others had been planning this. There's candles spread around the room on every flat surface and Speed goes around lighting them as he turns down the lights. There's a new set of black sheets on the bed and Ryan is laid down on them like a sacrifice to the gods, except in this case it wouldn't be his life that would be sacrificed but his virginity.

There's a bathroom off the bedroom and Ryan sees a tub of water steaming in the room. He turns his attention back to the others as H strides over to where Speed is lighting the last of the candles and pulls him into his arms again, reaching down and pulling the hem of his t-shirt out of his jeans, pulling it off over his head. Both men wince at the scar on Speed's shoulder, a reminder of the gunshot that had taken his life. Speed didn't know why he'd been left with the scar when Dawn had given him a new body, Xander had said it was a reminder of what happens when you don't clean your gun and looking at it would remind them that next time it could be somebody else.

H ducks his head and kisses the scar. For some reason he finds it incredibly sexy. He reaches down and unzips Speed's jeans, shaking his head in mock dismay when he sees the other man isn't wearing any underwear.

“Speed, Speed, Speed, what were you thinking, going out without any underwear on?”

“They'd just get in the way.” Speed pants as H pinches his nipples. His cock is hard and leaking but H seems intent on driving him insane instead. H leans up against the wall, his hands on either side of Speed's head as he kisses him.

“Somebody is wearing too many clothes.” Speed pants when H finally lets him up for air.

H smirks and nods, walking into the bathroom. He looks over his shoulder and winks, reaching up and unfastening his suit jacket, slowly sliding it over his shoulders and hanging it on the hook by the door. His shoes are toed off and his hands drift to his waist, pulling out his belt, rolling it up, and putting it on the shelf. Speed joins Ryan on the bed as H does a slow sensual striptease, enjoying what he's doing to the other two men. He'll miss Speed when the others return to their own dimension, but he intends to enjoy that body for as long as possible. His great-grandfather will be sooooo glad to find out he's finally taken that last step with his mate, maybe now the old man will quit dropping oh so subtle hints and turn his attention to molesting his own mate.

H moves to his shirt, unbuttoning it and dropping it onto the hook over his jacket. His pants are next and they drop onto the floor after he takes everything out of the pockets. Speed and Ryan snicker softly, then their attention is riveted as he finally begins to remove his underwear. He's almost as hairless as Ryan they think. . .either that or he shaves or waxes. There's a small thatch of red hair around his cock that's slowly beginning to fill now that his underwear is off.

“Coming boys?” he calls over his shoulder as he walks into the bathroom. He smirks when two sets of feet hit the floor and follow him into the bathroom.

There's a shower stall as well as a huge claw foot tub in the bathroom and the three men somehow manage to cram themselves into it, quickly shower and wash their hair, and not knock into each other.

“Boys, you're going to need to be cleaned.” H purrs. “Which is it going to be?” he asks, holding up two items in his hands. Ryan gulps when he sees an enema bottle in one hand and a bottle of glycerin suppositories in the other.

“Don't forget H,” Speed purrs, “you're going to need to be clean too.”

Ryan whimpers as Speed stalks towards him. “I think it will be easier for your first time to use a suppository Ryan, H can introduce you to the joys of enemas later on if you prefer.”

H shakes his head as he sits down on the lounge by the door. “Speed, come here. Since you're being a bad boy, you get the enema.” he says, patting his lap. Speed slinks over to where he's sitting, being pulled over his lap. “Ryan, have you ever seen another man's asshole?” H asks in the same tone he'd ask Ryan if he'd seen the latest GD memo. Ryan gulps but shakes his head. “Come here then.” he says, catching him by the wrist. “You can see everything from right here.” H releases Ryan's hand, taking the enema bottle out of the plastic and putting it together. Speed lifts his head up, leaning on his elbow as he watches H shake the bottle and place it on his back.

Oh yes, there it is, the slick finger sliding into his ass. Ryan's eyes grow huge when he sees H pull Speed's ass cheeks apart and slide a slick finger into his ass. And from the way Speed is moaning and squirming, it seems he's enjoying it.

“Behave Speed,” H says chidingly, patting his back with one hand as he pulls his finger from his ass. He picks up the enema bottle, pulls the nozzle out to it's full length and presses it against Speed's ass. Speed and Ryan moan in unison as the nozzle slides into the loosened hole. H seats it fully and tilts the bottle up, watching as the water slowly drains into Speed's ass.

“Speed, I'm going to push the last of the enema now.” H warns. Speed bites his lip as a gush of water enters his ass. Tears trickle from the corner of his eyes and Ryan moves before he's aware of what he's doing, kissing the tears from Speed's face. Speed's ass clamps shut when H pulls the nozzle from his ass, tossing the used enema bottle into the garbage as the two men kiss.

Speed finally tears himself away from Ryan's lips when he has to use the toilet, cleaning himself up and coming back to the others. He smirks, leaning against the wall as he sees Ryan be pulled onto H's lap and kissed to distract him from the slick finger sliding between his legs.

Ryan grunts as H's hand slides between his ass cheeks and a finger pushes its way into his ass. He's a young man, not even a doctor's been . ..there yet. His ass clamps around H's finger and the other man chuckles, nibbling on his neck as he waits for the other man to relax.

Ryan moans under the dual assault on his neck by H and Speed and H pulls his finger from his ass, returning with the suppository before Ryan is even aware that he's moved. Ryan shudders under the feeling of having something that's not H's finger up his ass. Speed and H distract him from the idea of what's coming next, Ryan flushes and heads to the toilet when the suppository has done its job.

He turns back to the others, blushing when he sees Speed pull H onto his lap, smacking his ass lightly. “Ryan, there was a second bottle in that package. Will you get it and mix it up? H has been a naughty boy and naughty boys get enemas.” he purrs. Ryan shudders but does as Speed tells him, handing him the bottle once it's ready.

Horatio moans as his ass cheeks are pulled apart and a slick finger finds his prostate. The hard plastic nozzle soon follows and he centers himself, relying on the training that his great-grandfather had given him when he first started exhibiting his . . .abilities and he'd been told what he could do. Ryan doesn't know that the enema Speed was giving him had an extra ingredient, though he knew Speed knew. By this time tomorrow, if the gods were willing, Horatio Caine would be pregnant!

Speed pats H's ass as the last of the liquid drips into his ass. He pulls the nozzle from his ass and H lays there, letting the powdered herbs work. Finally he gets up and used the toilet, pulling the other two men into his arms when he's done and leads them to the tub.

More powdered herbs are steeping in the water, H can feel them on his skin when he settles into the water, the other two men in his arms. Idly he wonders if this is how his great grandfather had felt when he first claimed his mate, but there's no way he's going to ask the old man, he's a . . .touchy about some things.

The water finally begins to cool when they three men get out, kissing each other as they dry and walk into the bedroom. Ryan ends up in the middle of the bed again, H getting between his legs. He moans and pants, his hands in fists to keep from grabbing H's head as that talented mouth teases his cock again. He looks at the others with half-hooded eyes after his second orgasm as he sees Speed come up behind H on the bed. H shudders against his legs and his eyes open as he realizes what Speed is doing. Oh God, does he mean to fuck H. . .there? Oh god yes, he is. He can't imagine why else Speed would have his fingers up H's ass and from the moans H are making, he's not hurting him. Then he realizes just why he and the others had been 'cleaned'. He shudders as he realizes Speed or H plan on putting their cocks up his ass.

Horatio moans and bites his lips as Speed pulls his fingers from his ass, Ryan's fingers tangled in his hair as he turns his head to look over his shoulder. Speed moves up to press against H's legs, the tip of his cock pressing against the other man's loosened hole. They both moan when the tip of Speed's cock pushes through the puckered opening and he stills immediately, letting H get used to the feeling of being penetrated.

“Move,” H finally orders and Speed begins pushing inside the other man, pausing every couple of inches to allow him to be used to having a cock up his ass. Finally he's fully seated inside the other man and they both moan, H crawling up to kiss Ryan as Speed lies on his back. Speed captures Ryan's lips in his own kiss when H releases him and begins rocking in H's ass, allowing the younger man to hold him as he pulls out of H's ass almost all the way before pushing inside in one stroke. H moans as his ass is thoroughly fucked by Speed. Ryan moans as H's fingers slide between his ass cheeks, slowly stretching him as Speed fucks him.

“That's right H, get Ryan ready for me. Because when I'm through fucking your tight little ass? His is next.” Speed growls. “Don't worry Ryan, I'll be gentle, I know you're still a virgin to having a cock up your tight little ass, but you won't by the time we're done.”

Ryan blinks, he doesn't know whether he should be scared, or turned on by the growl in Speed's voice. But then all his attention turns to H's fingers in his ass, he moans and writhes when H hits a certain spot. “Oh god,” he whimpers.

“And that Ryan, is what it feels like to have your prostate rubbed.” Speed purrs as he grabs Horatio's hips, shuddering as he comes. Horatio moans at the feeling of cum gushing up his ass, praying silently that the herbs in the enema have done their work. Because Speed is a madman in bed and he's going to be sooooo sore in the morning. But a child from his lost friend would be worth a sore ass.

Speed and H moan in unison as he's forced from H's body, still hard. Speed leers in the soft candlelight and crawls up on the bed, blanketing Ryan. He slides one hand behind his head, kissing him to distract him from his other hand sliding between his legs and checking H's work on stretching the young virgin's tight little ass. Ryan moans around Speed's lips as his ass is plundered by the other man's fingers. He should be scared of what's going to be coming next, but he isn't. H would never hurt him. And this is Speed.

Speed rubs his hands up and down Ryan's ribs, hands slick with the massage oil they're using as lube. Ryan arches his back under Speed's hands as he's turned into a puddle of mush under those talented fingers. He's closed his eyes when the sensations got too much, but they fly open when he feels two sets of hands on his crotch and ass.

A pillow is stuffed under his hips the give them better access to his cock, balls, and ass. Horatio moans around Ryan's nipple as Speed places their cocks together before turning this attention to Ryan's ass.

“Ryan,” Speed purrs. “Do you want to fuck H's tight little ass while I fuck yours?” Both men babble at that. Speed cocks his head but he doesn't hear a no in there so he positions H's ass over Ryan's cock, helping the redhead slide down on the younger man's cock.

Both men moan when H is fully seated on Ryan's cock, H arching his back before lifting himself off Ryan's cock and sliding back down. His ass is nice and slick from Speed's cum so there's no resistance.

Speed lines the head of his cock up against Ryan's asshole. “Ryan, take a deep breath and push out.”he orders as he positions most of his weight on his arms. He presses against that puckered opening, which resists for a second but opens like a flower around the head of his cock.

Ryan screeches and bites his arm as his asshole clamps around the intruder. Speed pauses and allows him to get used to the feeling of having something a little larger than a finger up his ass. Finally he feels Ryan loosen around him and he starts moving again, inch by slow inch until he's buried balls deep in Ryan's no longer virgin ass. He stills and allows Ryan to relax before he starts to pull out.

H moans as he feels himself rolled onto his back. The tip of Ryan's cock lined up against his ass as his legs are spread. Ryan moans as he buries himself balls deep in H's beautiful ass, moaning and biting his lip as Speed presses against his deflowered ass. Speed slides right in this time, Ryan moaning at the feeling of being filled so fully and suddenly. H's legs wrap around his hips as Speed leans over them both, nipping at Ryan's shoulder to mark his claim. Now that he's got one orgasm under his belt, he can fuck Ryan for a long, long time. Ryan's come twice by the time Speed comes, softening and pulling out of his ass. Horatio rolls Ryan onto his back, sliding into that slick hole that Speed had just been in.

Back to index

Chapter 24 by josette grover

In a mansion in New York State, a man looks up when a telltale he'd had on Horatio blinks and changes from red to green. “Finally,” Lamont Cranston says as his Mate comes into the room.

“Finally what, Lamont?” Clark Savage jr, more commonly known as Doc Savage, asks his mate of over fifty years with a smile.

“It looks like Horatio finally bonded with his mate.”

“Hmm, maybe we should go and visit him.” Doc says as he sits down beside his mate, wrapping an arm around him. Lamont leans against the taller man, looking up at him. “It's been years since we were in Eureka, we could open the house up and stay for a few weeks.”

“I'd like that, I think. I know Horatio and I haven't always seen eye to eye, I'm afraid it stems from how I disagreed with his grandfathers decisions and we drifted apart after Margo died. I never thought the powers would be passed on, so I was stunned when I was told that I had a great-grandson who needed a home after his parents died and saw the darkness I control flickering behind his eyes when we first met.”

“Horatio has done a lot of good work, channeling the needs of the Shadow into police work.”

“Yes, I'm proud of him, though I haven't said that often enough.” Lamont sighs. “At first, I thought that he was going to go bad, like most of those who have studied under the teacher. He wasn't into his teens yet and had seen his mother killed by his father, and had killed his father in turn when the man turned his attentions on him. I was afraid for the boy, I knew darkness called to darkness.”

“Yes but your great-grandson is a beacon of hope shining though that darkness. As are you my love, even though you don't believe it.” Doc kisses his mate softly on the lips. “Your teacher would be proud of how the both of you have turned out.”

The next morning Lamont and Clark get in a small private jet, filing a flight plan to a private airfield that only a few people know about. A few hours they land, not at all surprised to find Henry waiting for them with a car when they step out of the plane.

“Can't we ever surprise you?” Clark asks as he puts their bags in the back of the car.

“Not likely,” Henry smiles. “I opened your house and put a supply of food in.” he says, getting behind the wheel. “It's good to have you back, though.”

“It's good to be back, it's been a while since we were home.” Lamont blinks as they pass an unusual set of buildings.

“It's a long story, we have visitors from another dimension. They're the base on this side of the world. One of the visitors is their Horatio and the people he works with . On the other side of the road are a different set of visitors from another dimension, they arrived to help Horatio and his friends get back home.”

“There's two Horatio's here in town?” Clark asks.

“Yup, yours and the Horatio from their world. Word of warning though, there's three Gregory Houses, ours, the one that arrived with Horatio, and the one who came from the other dimension.”

Clark blinks as Lamont shudders.

“That was pretty much our reaction.” Henry says with a laugh. “We're all waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

The car passes a bus parked in front of a house, Clark blinking as a young girl with long white hair, power rolling off her, emerges from the front door. Another girl, younger but no less powerful, follows her out the door followed by two dogs.

“Morning Greta, morning Josette.” Henry says, stopping the car.

“Morning Henry,” they wave, walking down the side of the road with the dogs.

“That's Greta and her sister. They arrived in Eureka a couple of months ago, they're from the same dimension as the Temple we passed. They were called back to help our guests get home.” Henry pulls up in front of Lamont and Clark's home, helping them with the bags before driving to his shop.

Lamont and Clark look around the house, the windows have been opened to air the house out, everything they would have done already has been done, they look at each other and walk down the street to Horatio's house. Lamont knocks on the door, smiling when the door opens and a young man stares at them.

“You must be Ryan, I'm Horatio's great-grandfather Lamont Cranston, this is my mate Dr. Clark Savage jr.”

“Horatio, we have guests.” Ryan says. The men standing at the door don't look old enough to be H's great-grandfather, at least until you look at his eyes.

H comes out of the bathroom, wiping his hands on a towel. He sighs when he sees who's on the other side of the door. “Great-Grandfather, Clark.” he nods for them to come in.

“We just came to congratulate you on finally bonding with Ryan.” Lamont says as they sit down in the living room. He looks at the other man and sighs when he sees the signs. “You had to go all the way?” he asks.

“Speed is alive is the other dimension, I wanted something to remember him by.” Horatio says, looking at his great-grandfather. “It's too early to know for certain whether I'm pregnant or not.”

“Pregnant?” Ryan splutters.

“Pregnant.” Both Lamont and Horatio say in unison. Clark just looks at his mate and the other man, shaking his head.

“Was that who I thought it was?” Greta turns to look at me as we stop at the corner of the street.

“Doc Savage and the Shadow? Yep.” I nod. Sugar trots over from where he'd been marking his territory against a street sign and we continue our walk into town.

“I'm surprised we haven't run into them before now.” Greta smirks.

“As many people we're related to, I'm surprised they're not two of them.” I smirk. “Race you to Vincent's?” I take off running before she can say anything.

“Hey,” She yelps running after me. “Cheat.”

Joxer looks up from the book he's reading as he hears Greta and Josette's conversation.

“Who says they're not?” he snorts. Ares and Hades look at him. “Greta and Josette, they were talking about Doc Savage and the Shadow, surprised that they're not related.”

Vincent smiles as the door opens and Greta and Josette come into the building. Sugar and Spice drop onto the floor at their feet, he puts food bowls down for them before he feeds the girls. The door across the room opens and Xander limps into the room, leaning his crutches against the wall as he takes his seat.

“Does Dr. Stark know you're out and about?” Vincent asks, coming over to his table.

“He's outside talking to Sheriff Carter.” Xander says. “He picked me up at the base so I could see the orthopedist at GD to learn whether he has to operate on my knee. Hey Greta,” he says, nodding to the blonde at the next table.

“Hey Xander, this is my sister Josette.” I nod at him as the door opens and Dr. Stark and Sheriff Carter come in, sitting at the table next to Xander and the counter respectively. Vincent pours the sheriff a cup of coffee, the DoD is in to transfer the prisoner Greta had captured earlier that week, he's been having to deal with the headache of paperwork.

“You,” a voice shouts from the doorway. “You're the one who ruined all my plans, I'll destroy you.” he runs across the room, only to trip over the dogs sitting at our feet. Greta sighs and looks up at the ceiling in disgust as she gets up, hauls him to his feet, and drags him back outside.

“You have made yourself an enemy girl, you don't know who you're dealing with.” he snarls.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're going to hunt me down and make me pay for ruining your evil plans to conquer the world.” Greta sighs. “Been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it. On a scale of one to ten on evildoers, you're a negative fifteen.”

He splutters in righteous indignation as he's led to a car. Greta doesn't even look back as she walks back to the cafe. Shouts make her look up as she sits down. “Oh not again.” she says.

“My turn.” I say. He comes running into the building and I kick out with one leg. My foot connects with his leg and down he goes. .. again. I yelp and cuss, grabbing my knee.

“You okay?” Greta asks.

“Yeah, just hit my knee when I did that kick.” I mutter, rubbing my leg. “That's what I get for being lazy and not standing up.”

“Want to borrow my brace?” Xander asks with a grin from the next table.

“You, leave that brace on. Josette, are you sure you're okay?”Dr Stark asks as the DoD agents come in and drag him off . . .again. “Yeah,” I mutter, getting up and limping around the room in a circle. My knee audibly cracks and Dr. Stark grabs me by the arm, pulling me back down into my chair.

“Yes, you sound just fine.” he says rolling his eyes and mumbling about children who don't want to admit when they're hurt. “You're heading up to Global Dynamics with us, you can have it checked out then.”

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  The King of DCIS Gathers Information.

Note:  set after Josette's story about  DCIS taking over Eureka.

Daniel looked at his gathered staff.  He could like these meetings.  "Okay, guys.  Let's get started."  He looked at Abby.  "Is this transfer going to overload you?"

"No."  She beamed.  "With Stark back and Blake co-heading with him, they'll report anything going on to me.  Basically what we do with NID, but I don't have to go visiting as often.  Most of them have ethics.  Those that don't, Stark promised to turn into something horrible for the unicorns to kick around as a toy."

"Good.  Anything there that might be of use here?"

"Deputy Lupo is bringing over some of their weapons to talk to our arms master," Fargo said.  "Jo said she wanted to look at some of the lower tech stuff."  He smiled.  "She likes weapons."

"That's fine.  Jack said he's been bored," Xander told him.  "If she wants, I'll teach her how to use a sword too, Fargo."

He smiled at him.  "She said you'd be too busy probably but she might hit you up if she's here when you're training anyone else."

"Mh-hmm," he said with a nod and a grin.  "Because you skipped last Saturday too, Fargo.  And the Saturday before then and the one before that too if I remember right."

"Dirt."  He pouted.  "I don't do it very well, Xander.  I trip over my feet."

"So?"  He shrugged.  "So did I and it might come in handy.  Since I saw you handling that big sonic gun on that film Taggert was watching, you can practice more.  It'll help with that tripping problem too.  It did mine."

"If I must."

"It's mandatory for all base personnel," Daniel reminded him.  Fargo gave him a pointed look.  "I know how to use a sword.  Sort of."

"Practice," Xander reminded him.  "Before anything else happens that we have to deal with."

"Yes, Mother," Daniel said with a smirk.

"No, I think that's House with the way he nags," he shot back with an evil smirk, making House choke and splutter.  "Speaking of, House, you missed sword practice too.  I found a nice sword for you to use and you can use it one handed."  He smirked at him.

"You're being pushy," Fargo pointed out.

"That's because there's the base assault is still being foreseen sometime this spring.  We don't want people to die.  I'd hate to go Rosenburg."

Abby patted him and House swatted him.  "I have drugs to cure you if you try that," House assured him.  "Plus pretty jackets and straps too.  We are not letting you turn into Rosenburg, Xander."  Xander gave him a hug, cracking Daniel up.

"It's good he likes you the way you are," Daniel said with a smirk for House.

"Of course I do," House agreed.  "Who else would drive me so insane with papercuts and then deny that anything's wrong when he needs stitches?"

Xander smirked.  "Just for that, if I *ever* have kids, they're going to call you Grandpa."

"Of course they will," Abby said with a happy grin.  "They might call him Grandpa Stitchy, but they'll call him Grandpa."

House reached behind Xander to swat her.  "They will not.  I'll be that cool grandpa sort who'll teach them to ride my motorcycle when I'm too old to."

"You could teach me," Xander offered.

House looked at him.  "Then I'd have to stitch you up when you fell the first few times."

"Isn't that why you have Chase?" Fargo teased.

"Good point, but he doesn't use local like I do," House said smugly.

"I never ask you to, you just do," Xander pointed out.  House swatted him again.  "Yes, House."

Daniel smiled.  "You two should take that act on the road."

"All the way back to New Jersey to kidnap his friend who apparently hates North Dakota for some reason?" Xander suggested, looking at House.

"No, I don't think that's necessary.  I finally talked him out of staying away for a few days of moping with his patients.  He should be here soon.  Where are Amber, Kim, and Stuarana?"  He knew, he wasn't sure anyone else had realized though.

"Um.... hmm.  I have no idea.  I didn't see them at breakfast but they could've slept in," he said with a frown.

"Nope, they weren't in for dinner either," Abby said.

"So maybe they're in trouble?" he guessed, pulling out his phone to call Kim's phone.  She was nearly anal about having it with her.  "Should I ask where you three are since there's an overhead speaker going?"  He groaned, sighing some.  "No, bail money isn't always immediate, Kim.  What the hell are you doing?" he demanded.  The phone was handed over so he rubbed over his face.  "This is ISC Watcher Harris.  Yes, him," he said dryly.  "How badly do I need to spank them?"  He let out a small snicker.  "They were kidnaping one of our doc's friends so he has to come visit because he's pouting.  Well, yes he is but it's still not good of them to kidnap people.  Are they going to be arrested or is he pressing charges?  If so, I'll be there by tonight to paddle them to death for you."  He groaned when the other doctor took the phone.  "Hold on, Wilson.  Let me hand you to House.  Yes, it was thoughtful on their part but they're still in deep damn shit when I get in reaching distance of their asses."  He handed the phone over.

"Wilson?" House asked.  He smirked at Xander.  "No, I'm not pouting."

"Yes he is," Abby called.  "He pouts each time you won't come visit him."

"I do not!" he complained, stretching to pop her on the head too.  "Please don't.  Xander will be making them very sorry."

Xander nodded.  "If I can't, John or Sam will," he agreed.

House looked at him.  "John saw them making plans but he thought they were going to go nag instead and said it was a delicate situation so they should be subtle."

Xander snorted, shaking his head.  "Kidnaping is not subtle unless you're taking them to elope and her daddy has a shotgun."

House repeated that, making Wilson laugh.  "Fine, please do bring them home, Wilson.  Sure, you can have my pullout or Chase's.  We're both here.  Thank you and make sure they know they're in deep shit for this.  Sure, we can pick you guys up."  Xander nodded quickly at that.  He made a note.  "We'll be there.  Later."  He hung up and handed the phone back.  "They'll be leaving in two hours.  That gets them at the airport at ten."

"So I can beat their asses right before they go to bed," Xander said with a smirk.  "Then in the morning in front of the others.  Daniel, can I bring one of the SUV's?  There's no way we'll all fit in a sedan."

"That's fine, Xander.  Let me know how long they're grounded for."

"I'm sure you'll hear John yelling about it," he said dryly.  "Do I need to know more or can I go warm up my hand and have dinner?"

"Go eat and warm up your hand," Daniel said.  "Tell John and his boys too."

"Yeah, soon.  Let me eat first."  He walked off shaking his head.  He ran into Brenda by the caf.  "Tell the guys that I need them in Wes's office for a short talk that'll include yelling by at least one of us."  She gave him a dirty look.  He stared back.  Then he walked off grumbling.

She walked in and went right to John.  "Xander's complaining under his breath all the way to Wes's office and needs you guys there to have at least one of all of you yell.  He did not look happy."

"Going," Dean said, getting up.  John finished his current mouthful and walked off too.  The girls would protect his plate.  They knew not to steal off of it.  Sam was in Cleveland with Gibbs at the moment to help handle a problem higher demon that had shown up.  Wes walked out muttering and cleaning his glasses.  Dean walked in first and sat down since Xander was still grumbling while kicking the filing cabinet.  "That bad?"

Xander looked at them then smirked at John.  "Did we think they were going to be *that* subtle since they were making kidnaping plans to get Wilson out here?"

John gave him a dirty look.  "No they weren't."

"Yeah, they were.  The hospital's security people stopped them from kidnaping Wilson.  He's not pressing charges but we have to decide what to do with our thoughtful little brats when they get back tonight."

"They did what?" Wesley demanded, sitting down.  This seemed like a sitting down conversation.

"Kim, Amber, and Stuarana had plans to go to New Jersey to talk to House's friend, Wilson, to see why he wouldn't come out and talk him into it," John said, staring at Xander.  "I told them to be polite and subtle more than nag."

Xander nodded.  "That's what they said.  So instead, they decided subtle was a kidnaping."  He smirked at him.  "I'm not blaming you.  I know you don't read minds or Dean would have a really flat ass."  John relaxed and sat down.  "But he's not pressing charges thankfully.  Even if Cuddy is *way* pissed at them."

"I dare say they're in trouble," Wesley said.  "Grounded to base for at least a month."

John gave him a look.  "Wes, this isn't a grounding offense.  Even if their hearts were in the right place, they're in deep shit for this one."  He looked at Dean.  "Input?"

"Spanking."

"I agree with that," Xander said.  "Good slayers do not kidnap."

Dean smirked.  "Want me to ask Faith to spank them?  I might not stop.  Also, there's that nosy bitch reporter in town who wants to find something dirty on us.  She might say something if one of us guys did it."

Xander stared at him.  "Think she would?"

"Yeah, probably."

"They're coming in at ten tonight.  I promised to pick them up."

"Sure, we can do that," Dean agreed with a nod.  He looked at his father, who nodded that was fine with him.  "Wes?"

"I can't believe they decided kidnaping was subtle!"

"Stuarana was making the plans.  Kim and Amber wanted to talk to him but I'm betting she managed to talk Amber into it, who talked Kim into it," Dean said.

"Probably," Xander agreed dryly.  He leaned on the cabinet, propping one arm on it.  "Anything beyond spanking?  Are we grounding as well?"

"Hell yes," John told him.  "All three have no privileges until school starts."

Dean nodded.  "Reasonable.  You would've about killed us and then left us in a hotel room while you hunted something down to shoot repeatedly."

Wesley nodded.  "I don't favor corporal punishments but this is a trend we will not see continued.  Shall I talk to Buffy or Faith?"

"No, I will," Dean promised, standing up.  "Let Faith vent, get a bit of calming down time."

"Since there's four of them, Daniel said I could use an SUV."

"She can drive," Dean said dryly.  "Not my Impala, but she can drive."  He walked off to find her.

Xander looked at John.  "I know you would've stopped them.  That's why I told Brenda one of us would be yelling."

John nodded.  "For many hours tonight."  He stood up.  "Thanks, kid."

Xander grinned.  "Hell, we all wanted to help the situation, because House is pitiful when he mopes, but I know you tried to teach them subtlety, John."  John smirked and walked out.  He looked at Wes, who shook his head with a groan, slumping down a bit.  "So, any other teenage vigilantes of anti-moping you've seen?"

John leaned in again.  "Mary was planning something to help with that situation."

"Ask Chase to make sure she didn't get into the drug cabinet again to get them a sedative?"

"I can do that.  That is her level of planning.  She gets it from Gibbs."

"The girls turn into us because we train them," Xander agreed dryly, smirking at him.  "That's why Brenda wears your shirts and tinkers with your truck's engine when she can't sleep and Dawn gets up to play music and screw around with other things."

John walked off laughing.  It was good they didn't doubt him stopping them but that was a cute image.  Brenda would never touch his truck when he wasn't there.

Xander looked at Wes.

"If she had something to do with it, I'll let Gibbs reprimand her and ground her as well," Wesley assured him, standing up.  "Let me send out a watcher memo about the girls plotting again."

"Hopefully they'll calm down this year."

"We all hope some of the girls calm down some day, Xander.  You've turned some of them quite bouncy by example."  He smirked as he walked out.

Xander shrugged.  "Not my fault I'm bouncy."  He went to get his own dinner, flopping down at the table.  All the girls stared at him.  "Yes, we're going to have a long damn lecture later on about slayer morals and what the concept of subtle means."

Anna gave him a hurt look.  "Some of us are very subtle."  Mary squeaked and tried to hide.  She stared at her.  "What did you do?"

"She should go confess to Gibbs before he makes it back from Cleveland," Xander said dryly.  "If she helped them in *any* way."

"I only looked up the hospital's layout for them," Mary complained from her hiding spot.

John walked in and pulled her up by the back of her neck, staring down at her.  "Sleeping pills?"

"I did not!"

He looked at the other sneaky one.  "Anna?"

"Um, Shea had me get her one the other night when she was limping?"

Xander sighed, stuffing his mouth before he could say anything.

"Did Shea have something to do with the stupidity that Kim, Amber, and Stuarana were tied up with?"

"No," she said, shaking her head quickly.  "She was trying hard not to sneak out to go fondle her boyfriend since he's grounded.  She was bouncy like when she tried House's vicodin and was coming down."

John let go of Mary's neck.  "No more.  Shea can go to the infirmary herself, girls."  He sat down, noticing someone had refilled his plate.  "Thank you, Brenda."

"Welcome," she said, smiling at him.  "What did they do that we need lectures too?  Did they do bad girl things like the ones in Cleveland did?"

"No, they decided to break laws," Xander said dryly.  He stuffed his mouth again.  He heard Faith yelling so looked outside.  Dean waved him off, following after her.  "Dean's got it," he told John.

"I like them together.  They suit each other's wilder sides very well."  He went back to his dinner and coffee.

***

Dean found where Faith was lounging.  She had eaten earlier because she was in a crabby mood and didn't want to eat with all the younger girls.  "Hey."  She looked up at him.  He took her book.  "Before you throw it at me," he said at her heated look.

"Why would I do that?"

"We're deciding if you, me, or Xander is going to get the three missing slayers who went all the way to kidnaping."

"Excuse me?" she demanded cooly.  He nodded.  "Who in the hell?"

"The cute twosome and our stocking one."

She growled.  "Are they in jail?"

"Wilson's not pressing charges since they were trying to make House feel better."

Her growls got louder.  "Where are they?"

"Coming back at ten.  That's when their flight with Wilson lands."

She let out a scream of rage.  "I'll beat them to death!"

"We all agreed they deserve the spanking and grounding this time."  She stormed off.  He followed, waving at the windows since he saw at least one person watching.  "Calm down.  They weren't thinking right but their hearts were in the right place.  Dad caught 'em and told them to be more subtle than going to whine."  She turned to glare at him.  "He didn't know."

"They're only being spanked?"

"Spanked, grounded with no privileges until school starts.  We're debating which one of us won't paddle them there in the airport.  Then Xander promised to talk to the other girls."

She shuddered.  "No, I will."  She walked inside, going to the caf.  "Ladies, slayer team meeting after dinner.  It's time we had some talking about truth of life stuff."  She stomped off.

"Oooh, she's really pissed," Mary said with a wince.

"Yeah," Xander agreed.  "Dean, I can pick them up if she wants," he called.

"No!  You can't!" Faith called.

"Okay then," he decided, looking at Daniel, who shrugged.  "I'll put pillows in the SUV for them," he decided.

"What did they do?" Mary hissed at Xander.  Who gave her a dirty look.  "Ooh, are they going to jail like Faith did?"

"He's not pressing charges.  Remember, bail money is not immediate, ladies.  It's for when you get in trouble for doing your jobs."  He stuffed his mouth again.  John gave him a dirty look.  "Sometimes it does happen."

"I know, but it shouldn't."  He finished eating, herding the girls back there.  Faith was in the common room and he noticed all the windows had been shut.  He turned on a fan for air circulation then got out of the way.

"Ladies, we've got to talk about what happens when you girls mess up like I did way back when."  She stared at them.  "Prison, it ain't fun and games, ladies.  HBO was *nice* about how bad prison is."  They all shuddered and a few slumped.  "So we'll be talking about that now before I go beat those three to death later."

"If you're that hot, Xander's going," John ordered.  "That way you don't damage them permanently."

She gave him a hurt look.  "I won't."

"Good.  Then I'll let you pick them up so I can yell too."

She smirked.  "Done deal."  She looked at the girls again.  "Let's go over what's right and wrong, for a start."  She started to pace but got out what she wanted to say.  At the end, Dean sat down to cuddle her.

"None of them will end up in the same spot," he said quietly, giving her the cuddle she needed.  "Not if we can help it and we will."  She looked at him.  "You survived a shitload of things, Faith, all so you could get to this point."  She nodded, resting against him.  "Relax.  They'll be going straight."

"They'd better."

He smiled.  "How can they not?  You're scary when you need to be and they need you to be.  They'll never be this stupid again."  She smiled weakly.  "And then you'll start working up ways to scare boyfriends off the younger set again since I saw one of Mary's classmates eyeing her backside the other day."

She looked up at him.  "Mini-mouth!" she called.  Mary came jogging down the stairs.  "Do we gotta talk about brushing boys off your ass already?"

She gave her older friend an odd look.  "Why would you?"

"That brunette little boy at the park the other day during the pre-class picnic," Dean said.

"Um, no," she said, giggling a bit.  "He's majorly crushing but I personally think he's gay and in denial.  He doesn't want me."  She hugged Faith.  "You made it all the way to here, Faith.  Remember, we're your reward for going through the bad things.  Even Dean is because you got a hotty hunter who can understand and keep up with you.  Some day he'll have to find me and Anna one."  She skipped off.  "Anna, Peter was staring at me," she complained all the way up the stairs.

"Ewww," floated down.  "That's disgusting!  We need to set him up with a boy so he realizes!"

"Let him discover that on his own," Dean called.  "If you try to force it, he'll end up a bad guy or a serial killer."  He looked at her with a grin.  "I do make a very good reward."

She pinched him.  "Now and then, yeah.  Still your turn to hit the pharmacy."

"Crap."

She looked up at him.  "Are we out again?"

"Nope.  Barely but nope."

"Ehh, so we'll have normal people sex."  He grinned and she got up to relieve some of her tension and realize how good of a reward he was for her.  If the other girls minded they'd complain later about the noise from her room.

***

Xander smiled at the people coming off the plane.  "You're damn lucky I couldn't get Faith up, ladies."  They all flinched.  "SUV, now.  Let him get his bag and head."  They ran for the baggage claim.  "Doctor Wilson, Xander Harris."

He shook his hand.  "I remember when you showed up.  House is really that pitiful?"

"He mopes each time you two talk because you wouldn't come out.  He's even been playing depressing jazz again."  Wilson groaned.  "I'm about to set him up with some filthy hooker so he has something new to complain about."

Wilson shook his head.  "He said you were a lot like him sometimes."  They walked toward the baggage claim together.  "They had a good plan."

"It won't save their asses."

"I didn't figure it would," he admitted but he was smiling.  "It proves how much they like House."

"We all do.  Well, some of the military guys on base don't but regular DCIS people do."  He grinned.  "An associated project had a viral outbreak so they had to evacuate."

"I can understand that.  Better to be safe than dead."

"Yup."  He got them into the SUV, waving at the parking guy.  He paid the toll on the way out then drove them toward the interstate.  "Ladies, do you want me, John, Dean, or Sam to beat your asses?  We won't let Faith since she's so hot she told the other girls all about their life after they get caught and arrested."

"We were trying to be helpful," Kim pouted.

"Which is all that's saving your asses from death," he assured her.  "Faith got so upset she went on a two-hour talk about prison."  He glanced back there at a light then drove on.  "You're all *so* in deep shit.  Grounded until school starts.  No privileges.  And beaten by one of us."

"Yes, Xander," Amber said quietly, looking at her hands.  "It was my plan."

Wilson looked back at her.  "That's noble, Amber, but I doubt it'll save her."  Xander shook his head.  "Has everyone calmed down?"

"Dean got Faith calmed down.  Mary reminded her that he's her reward."  The girls all cooed at that.   "Which is why she was too tired to beat you in the airport herself."

Stuarana flinched.  "It needed to be done.  House mopes awfully and he's getting depressed.  He didn't even joke when we came in for stitches after shopping and getting pounced by the high demon and his cheerleader girlfriend."

Wilson sighed.  "It'll be okay, girls.  I promise.  Even if you can't sit tomorrow."

"Or for the next week," Xander quipped.

"Can we run?" Kim asked.

"Nope.  We can track you girls.  Beyond that, your woods lore is still pretty underused, Kim."

"Good point.  Is Amber moving back to her room?"

"I thought we gave her room to someone," he said dryly.

She smiled at her girlfriend.  "Then it won't be so bad."

"Sex is a privilege."

"Oops."

"Hmm," Xander agreed.  He turned on the radio, shaking his head when he had to change the station.  "Horatio must've been in it.  Only he and Mac listen to classical music and he won't let Mac drive when it's just them."  Wilson smiled at that.  "So, anyway, House's new apartment is very nice and soundproofed.  Mostly.  Now and then Abby and Rodney wake him up during physics sex."

"Physics sex?" Wilson asked.

"She's our forensic and lab goddess.  He's an astrophysicist."

"Ah!"  He nodded quickly.  "I'm sure he's learning a lot."

"No, after the day of squealing over theorems he asked them to please put up a white noise generator.  Politely even.  He was a bit tired that day."

"House, polite?"

"Yup."

"He is depressed," he sighed, looking out the window.  "It's pretty country."

"You should see it in winter when it's miles and miles of snow."

Wilson smiled.  "That's got to be prettier than snow on a street that's now slush and dog pee."

"Yeah, it can be."  He grinned at him.  "You'll get him back to his usual snarkific self again.  Even Chase has been giving him thoughtful looks and suggesting he go find a hooker."

"He can date."

"He never seems to want to.  He likes to hear about mine but I don't think he's went out in months."

"I'll talk with him, Xander."

"Good because I like House like he's family."  They shared a look and Xander went back to watching the road.  "Shit," he muttered, seeing flashing lights ahead.  "They didn't have a sobriety checkpoint earlier."

"They don't do those on the interstate."  Xander pulled them over and rolled the window down when the officer came over.  "Officer, is there a problem?"

"We've got an escaped convict, we have to check all cars," he said, flashing his flashlight into the back.  "Your daughters, sir?" he asked Xander.

"Slayers.  I'm ISC."

"Oh, good.  I wondered about the vehicle."  He moved to check the back then the other side.

Xander glanced back at the girls, who were all grimacing.  "No, it's not normal or my fault," he said quietly.

They all nodded.  The guy walked back to the driver's window.  "Sir, can you pop the trunk?"

"Um, no.  This is a federal vehicle, Officer."  He pulled out his credentials, showing his sidearm at the same time.  "DCIS."

The guy gave him a horrified look.  "Um...."

Xander stared at him.  "Did you need anything else?  I'm picking up a friend's visitor and escorting three slayers back to base."

"Sir, we really do have to check."

"I promise, I'm not picking up hitchhikers," he said dryly.  He turned off the engine and locked the door as he got out.  The officer gave him a dirty look.  "They're teenage girls who're grounded."  He smiled at the two guys walking their way.  "By the way, Officer, your uniform?  Did you lose weight?"  The man took a swing at him.  Xander laid him low and the other two when they pounced.  Kim was already on her phone calling it in.  Two more cruisers came screaming up.  He held up his ID case.  "He was blocking traffic to check cars?"

One came over, checking his ID then handing it back.  "Sir, can you put your sidearm in the car?"  Xander nodded, doing that.  "Thank you, Agent Harris.  Better to be safe than sorry."

Xander grinned.  "He wanted me to pop the trunk to inspect for an escaped convict."

The officer who had seen his ID shook his head.  "That's not protocol.  Especially not with official vehicles."  He looked inside.  "Base personnel?"

"Three grounded slayers and a friend of our docs'.  I was picking them up at the airport."

"That's fine, Agent Harris," another said, moving closer.  "Can we have them?"

"Sure.  He took a swing at me," he said with a point at the officer.  "When I asked if he had lost weight because his uniform wasn't fitted very well."

They got them all flipped over.  "That's not Philip."

Xander looked around.  "Was he last reported here?"

"We think so.  He said after the last sign."  They looked at him.  "Bob, check the trunk and car."  He looked at Xander again.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem.  Can we help?  One of the passengers is a doc.  I'm not bad as a field medic myself."

"No, thank you, sir."

"Not here," Bob called.

Xander sighed, walking over to look at the car.  He stared.  "That's blood," he said with a point.  "Dried but blood."  He went to squat down overtop of one of the convicts, patting him on the face until he woke up.  "Where's the real officer?"  The guy groaned.  "Tell me or I'm putting you in one of the demon only cell blocks in the DCIS prison and letting them turn you into their bitch.  Since some of them are very large and the rest are probably carrying things that are contagious to humans....."

"Tom carried him off!" he said, trying to wiggle away.  "I didn't see where.  We were hiding because Jerry's sick!"

Xander looked at him.  "Tom and Jerry?  What's your name?"

"Buster."  He looked at the officers.  "I'm sorry," he sobbed.

"Then we'll take you in.  I'm sure Agent Harris won't be pressing charges."  The crying man wailed at that name.  He grinned at him.  "Good rep?" he asked dryly.

"Handle a few apocalypses and everyone thinks you're dangerous."  He woke up the fake officer.  "Where's the real one?" he asked slowly and clearly.  "You can take Buster's place as bitch block in our demon prison if you don't tell me.  There is the charge of attempting to kidnap three underage girls and a federal agent."  The guy swallowed.  "Tell me now or tell an angel of death, kid.  Where is he?" he asked more coldly, staring him down.  It worked with demons who wanted to evade questions.  The guy whimpered.  He glared harder.  "I've already got to spank slayers tonight.  I can do you too.  It'll be a good warm up."

The woods!" he shouted with a point.

Xander looked then at him.  "Alive?"  The guy nodded, swallowing again.  "How far out?"

"I walked about ten, twelve minutes, dropped him then walked back."

"Shit," Xander said.  "Where did you start from?"  He hauled him up.  "Show them."  They got the other two cuffed with one officer watcher while Xander led him to the side of the road.  "Which way?"  He pointed.  "Let's go."

"I just walked!  He's in the trees."

Wilson got out, locking the door again.  "Xander, is the other officer injured?" he called.

"Yeah, probably.  Stay with the slayers.  They'll protect you."  He gave the guy a shake.  "C'mon.  Let's go.  Now."  The guy walked off with him holding his collar.  The officers followed, mostly looking around to make sure nothing else was out here.  They found the body after a few more minutes of walking.  Then the guy got handcuffed and walked off.  Xander checked him.  "He's out."  He looked up.  "Alive but out."

"I'll call for an ambulance, sir.  Thank you for taking charge."

Xander grinned.  "Scary reps are good to scare guys like that.  Would you want to mess with me if you were him?"  He stood up, looking at him.  "He's been hit on the head it looks like.  No idea otherwise."  He saw Wilson heading his way.  "Just unconscious."

"That's fine, I'm still a doctor."  He squatted down to check him over.  "You might have them bring a board just in case he hurt his neck or back when he was dropped.  It looks like they got a lucky shot," he told the officer, who smiled.  He stood up.  "Do you need Xander?  The girls are getting antsy to get out and help by beating up on your prisoners."

"No, thank you for your help, gentlemen.  Are you with the base's docs?" he asked Wilson.

"No, I'm visiting House and Chase.  I work at their old hospital back in New Jersey."

"Wonderful."  He shook his hand.  "Thank you."  He shook Xander's hand too.  "Have a safe drive."

"I hope he's okay."  Xander walked off with Wilson.  "I'm a good field medic, Wilson."

"I'm still a doctor and by law I have to help, Xander."

"Fine."  He grinned at him.  "They wanted to beat up the convicts?"

"Yeah, they tried to hurt you.  They were all pouting because you wouldn't let them fuss."

"Nothing to fuss over.  My hand's not even sore.  Which means there's been too many cases recently," he added dryly.  The officers all smiled.  "I didn't mean to step on toes, guys, just use the scary rep for something good."  They both nodded and smiled.  Xander got into the SUV and headed off once Wilson and he were buckled up.  He held back a hand, getting his service piece from Kim.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  Why are you short a bullet?"

"Found a rat in the garage.  Bauer was very amused."

"Ah."

Amber shook her head.  "I figured it was something like that or another squirrel."

"No, that one tried to get in again," he said dryly.  "I made Dean shoot it again."  They all laughed.  He called the base.  "We're all okay, Danny.  The escaped convicts didn't get us.  I helped by being my scary self for a minute.  Yup, all four of them.  About a quarter of the way back.  Why?  Did you need me to stop and pick up something?"  He grinned.  "Sure, I can do that."  He hung up.  "He said to quit shooting the rats."  The girls all giggled.  "Apparently Jack didn't like it as much as Bauer did."

"Can we stop?" Wilson asked.  "So I can pick up some good beer?"

"House went to the store earlier but I don't see why not."  The older man smiled at him.  "I know, we like to fuss over House.  The base is full of sarcastic men.  He's just the oldest one so far."  Wilson laughed.  "Seriously."  He turned up the radio before Kim could reach for the knob.  "I know that's your song.  No snogging."

"Yes, Xander."  She and Amber just cuddled through it.

Stuarana sighed.  "I need one of those."

"Mine, dear," Amber reminded her.

"I don't want yours.  She's fussy about cleaning.  I need a boyfriend."

"You have two more years of school," Xander reminded her.

"I know."  They all settled in for the long trip back to the base.  It was a pretty night.

***

Xander reported the next morning.  "Were they upset?" he asked at his boss's amused look.

"No, they said to say thank you for helping their downed officer when you didn't have to."

Xander shrugged.  "Scary reps are good for some things."  He grinned.  "The girls were all spanked quite well and are very sorry.  Wilson walked into House's apartment with more beer and got him drunk so they're both hung over but happier."

"Good.  Did you talk to him about staying?"

"Nope.  I figure House can talk to him about that."

"He said he wouldn't."

Xander smirked.  "Chase."

"Good point."  He held up something.  "Fargo said he has no idea where you pulled that spelling from."

Xander looked then went to look up that demon's title from the book.  It got handed back to Fargo for another proofread then sent off to the proper department.

Daniel went to talk to Sheppard, his Jack, and McKay since they were trying to figure out what to do with Atlantis.  "Okay, guys," he said, shutting the door behind himself.  They were in his apartment on his living room furniture.  "Do we have anything new?"

"I managed to figure out how to reconfigure the shields to keep out the viruses," Rodney told him.  "I got the people on the Dadelus to do it for me since Dawn doesn't want to risk a portal."

"So, are we going back?"

"If the shield fails, even a tiny bit, we'll get sick again," McKay admitted, looking at the two Air Force men.  "Any ideas?"

"Moving her?" Sheppard asked.  "At least away from the mainland or possibly to another planet?"

"We barely have enough Zed PM for takeoff.  I'm not sure how we'd land," Rodney admitted.  "I also don't remember anywhere that had such a large water basin that could fit it without notice."

Jack nodded.  "Can you get the files to check them again?"

"They're on their way back," he assured him.  "I was calculating how much power that would take."

"We could move it nearer to where Xander's temple is," Sheppard said with a grin.  "They already know about earth people and there's that other portal system in case of emergencies."

"The Athosians?" Daniel asked.

"I talked to Teyla.  She said they'd probably want to stay.  She's got to talk to them.  She's on the ship."  That got a few nods from everyone.  "Ronon wanted to know about sparring with the senior slayers."

"I think they might like that," Jack offered.  "I'll talk to John."  He looked at McKay.  "How much would moving it to a new planet tax the ZPM?"

"A lot.  It may drain it most of the way."

"Have we ever found a way to recharge them?" Daniel asked.

McKay wouldn't mention his...problem if Daniel or anyone else didn't.  "I haven't been able to decode that much of the old databases."

"Charlie Epps has an algorithm to translate," Daniel offered.  "He's used it for Spenser in the past when someone sent us a serial killer using a supposed mystical language."

"That could help but it'd be a lot of work.  It could take months."

Sheppard shrugged.  "We downloaded copies for the main base, right?"  Rodney nodded, giving him an impatient look.  "Then ask him for a copy of it, citing very classified materials, and run it here or on the base."

"I could do that.  Abby knows him fairly well."  He texted that to her.  She sent back a smiley face.  "She seems to like the idea."  He looked at him.  "That's still months of being here."

"The base should be safe until around Halloween.  Usually that's when our fall problems and the build up to spring start," Daniel assured him.

"I've heard," he said dryly.

"And saw from the geek building team," John added dryly.  "We still have to clean out that closet."

"Yes we do," Daniel agreed.  "Because I think Xander's been building weapons again."  He looked at Jack.  "You're still the head over all that insanity.  Which way did you want it to go?"

"I don't want to abandon it.  If it's going to tax the ZPM's it's going to be a hard sell to keep it going."

"Then let's start decoding," Daniel told him.  "Do we know what ZPM looks like in the database's language?"

"Some of it's in holographic form," John offered.  "We can't get it to answer those questions.  The last time it glitched and shut down completely."  He leaned forward.  "Can we get the Asgard to help?"

"No," Jack said.  "They're not sure if the virus can affect them or not.  They've got too many problems with the cloning issue already."

They all sighed and nodded at that.  "Anything from the new group you got given, Danny?"

"Some," he admitted.  "They do have power research that we don't.  The whole town's mostly solar and nuclear battery powered."  Rodney gave him an odd look.  "It is."  He smiled.  "It's been going straight since the forties with very little oversight beyond 'make it practical for our use' by the DoD.  Fargo says they've even got their own company spa in town."

"Interesting," Jack said.  "I doubt a spa would help us recharge them."

"Would any of their power researchers know anything about ZPM's?" John asked.

"I don't know.  I didn't give them one of the empty ones to study."  He looked at Rodney, who shrugged.  Then at Jack who also shrugged.  "Some do have the clearance for that."

"Call one of them up here to chat this week," Jack ordered.  Daniel nodded, making that note for himself.  "Sheppard, anything bad going on besides pouting Botanists?"

"I stopped their last problem," he reminded him.  "The military guys are doing okay.  Some would like some longer leave, sir."

"The base is safe enough that we don't need them for defensive capabilities," Daniel told him.  "That problematic reporter in town is starting rumors anyway."

John nodded.  "So can we?"

"A two week shore leave for everyone who wants it and then come back ready to go ahead when we have plans?" Jack asked.

"That would be reasonable," Rodney agreed.  "I, of course, would be here slaving away."

"You'd be here getting in extra girlfriend time," John said dryly, getting an evil look back.  "You would."

"I probably would.  Radek may stay as well.  He said his mother was nagging about grandchildren when he was home."  He looked at Daniel.  "That knight Radek said Dawn saw?"

"A Knight of Dagon.  They were charged to keep the artifact that Dawn's been in contact with out of everyone's hands.  They were trying to kill her before.  Plus everyone else fighting against Glory."

John shuddered.  "I'm very glad I'm not in Sunnydale.  Talk about insane."

"You do what you have to do so the world goes on," Daniel said dryly.  "Or so Xander said the last time someone asked him if they were all insane after all that."  That got a smirk from Jack and John.  "McKay, do you think you can use the algorithm to do a guided search for anything on the ZPM while the rest is being decoded?"

"Perhaps.  I'll have to see."  He texted that to Abby as well, getting a frown.  "She's not liking that idea."

Jack looked at he unhappy face and called, shaking his head.  "You don't like that idea?"  She explained it.  "Okay, so can we use it to search for a specific phrase and have it translate those parts?  We need to know how to recharge the ZPMs."  He listened.  "That's fine, Abby.  I understand that.  Have Fargo call his people to get one of the higher ups out here to talk about their power research people?"  He smiled.  "That's fine.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "She's already asked Fargo to look in GD's files for anything like a ZPM.  He said he didn't find anything but he did find something that reads about in the same power class.  It was shut down years ago after two people nearly died trying to make it run a car.  It, interestingly enough, came from something that looks like it was dropped from your galaxy by that stupid wormhole."  He called someone else.  "It's O'Neill.  I need one of those uncharged ZPMs that we've been staring at for months on end at the DCIS base for a conference on hopefully getting them recharged."  He hung up.  "That should help too.  It'll give them something to stare at while they wonder."

"What sort of energy byproduct did GD have?" Rodney asked.

"No clue.  Fargo didn't tell her more than that."

Rodney got up.  "Let me look over those first.  Perhaps they had one.  Hooking one up to a mundane car would make it blow up."  He went back to the lab, stopping in Fargo's office.  "That power source?"

He found the report on his desk, handing it over.  "It was way too powerful for anything down here."

"Yes, but Zed PMs run things like our project."  He walked off reading it, frowning some.  "It looks like it was an early Zed PM."  He walked into the lab, getting a hug.  He looked at Abby.  "Good news?"

"Xander has a spare server on the Watcher's system that we can use for decoding.  Thomas said he wanted to look at the algorithm anyway to see if anything was mistranslated from the original translations way back when."

"That's good news."

"Also, Thomas found an odd book."  She held it up.  "Written in Norse.  With a prophecy about when Valhalla's doors would close for the final time because no more warriors were born to them."  Rodney gave her the funniest look.  "It also mentions that if this happens, Ragnarok isn't as close as they thought and it'd be a harder fight.  It has suggestions for how to make more warriors."

"Wasn't that part of their plans for conquering?" he asked, looking confused.

She bopped him on the arm with the book.  "Thor himself never went and conquered."  He took the book to look at.  "That's the translated one but he has a copy of the supposed original.  One of those Thomas isn't sure if it's translated right."

"Let me get this back to O'Neill.  Do you know anyone who can read this language?"

"Xander can.  Anya taught him.  She was Norse when she was human the first time."

He took a hard, fast kiss.  "Thank you."  He went jogging off, finding Xander at his desk.  "Come along.  I have a use for your normal, average brain at this time," he said, grabbing him and pulling before he could get out of his chair.  Xander stumbled a few steps but caught up with him.  He stopped in the library.  "The original of this one?" he asked the librarian.  He glanced at the cover and got him two.  "Both copies?"

"One's translated into a strange demon language none of us can translate back."  He shrugged.  "We have a few in that language."

"I'll hand it to Doctor Jackson."  He walked Xander off.

"Um, Rodney, I can't read too many languages," Xander said patiently.

"One's in Norse."

"Oh!  Sure, I can read that and even speak some.  Anya used it as a sex game."  Rodney shuddered.  "It got me blown," he said with a grin.  "I learned a whole lot.  Mostly at the lesser levels if that's scientific."

"Just a start would be helpful."  He walked him back to Daniel's apartment, tapping then walking in.  "Thomas found these."  He put them in Daniel's hands then pushed Xander down.  "He can read Norse.  Abby said one has a prophecy about the last warrior of Valhalla falling and the doors closing permanently."

Jack stiffened.  "Gimmee."  Daniel handed those two over, looking at the last one.  "What's that?"

Xander looked.  "Artruskan.  It's an ancient demon language from before the civil wars and human/demon wars that gave us this planet.  Giles had a few books in it that no one was sure about."

"How ancient?" Jack asked.

"The demon/human war was supposed to be about four million years ago.  Somewhere in there.  We were barely grunting in caves from what Giles and the demons who've written anything said."

"Interesting," Daniel said.  He looked it over.  "It's not Ancient but that one language we found on that one site, Jack."  Jack looked over then nodded, going back to his untranslated version.  "Is that in Ancient?"

"No.  It's in Norse.  I can get a few words."

Xander leaned over his arm.  "For those who read this, I am....looks like Mayflower, maybe Mayfair...  There's a seer with that name back in the four hundreds if I remember right.  She had some of the First Evil prophecies."  He went back to it.  "When the last daughter of Valhalla bears the last son, the doors shall shut but those who ....I want to say fly on the unwinged horses but I'm not sure, shall leave us to gather their strength for the long sleep we must have until Ragnarok comes.  Loki shall ... no clue no clue no clue depart from the Elders and make his own way to the Giants.  The Oroborus shall rest for centuries untold while it gathers itself for the long sleep of laying...babies I think."

"So eggs?" Daniel asked.

"A few reptiles in mythology do give live birth," Xander said with a grin.

"Good point.  Go ahead."

"It looks like the unwinged horses or chariots, not real sure," Jack put in, "will take the Elders to their gathering spot so that they may rest and train.  Then the...."

Xander looked at the word he was stuck on.  "Fruit of the tree shall bear one last warrior who shall be not of them but who can be borne by them.  Borne like carried not like birthing."

Jack cleared his throat.  "That warrior shall know more than he is allowed and will....  I think that's praise?"

"Pray to Loki that ...."  He looked at him.  "Pray to Loki that what he knows is not lost."

"Memory downloads?" Rodney suggested.

"Possibly but I don't remember it."

"You don't have to.  You need to get someone into your subconscious to pull it out if that's true," Xander told him.  "It'd remember for you.  Like it remembers everything you've ever seen even if you don't think you do."

"Good point.  I'll think about that.  Anything else, kid?"

Xander pointed at something.  "That's something about a temple of the Elders that came before.  Um...  The Father of Odin who begat Thor and Haldir?"

Daniel shrugged.  "I don't remember anything in mythology that would explain that part."

"I remember the Greek had back to the void in their ancestry outlined.  We'd have to look up the Norse ones," Xander agreed.  "Unless Thomas might know.  Or maybe Sam."  He went back to it.  "Hmm, that ancient Elder holds a key but not the only key?  Multi key maybe?"  He looked up.  "Anya, can I borrow you for a second?" he yelled.  Rodney wiggled a finger in his ear.

Anya appeared, giving him a look.  "I'm busy, Xander."

He smiled, blowing her a kiss.  "It's in Norse and you're the only one I know who can read it.  You only taught me little kid words."

She looked at it with a sigh.  "That seer was put to death for heresy and foreseeing an end of days that didn't agree with Ragnarok."

"It's a prophecy about the last warrior born," Xander said with a point at Jack.

She grimaced.  "How?"

"Don't ask," he told her.  "I can't tell you."

"Oh."  She sat down to look it over, writing it down for him.  She smiled and took a deep, moan inducing kiss before handing it over.  "There you go.  A few of her word choices were odd so I put the most common meaning in them that looked right."  She stared at her pookie.  "Are you busy later?"

"Tinkering.  Need an after-case hug?" he asked with a grin.

"Or a reward."

"I can see a reward."  She winked and disappeared.  "My ex," he said proudly.  "I still love the woman."

"If things were easier between you two, I know you'd still be together," Daniel said with a smile.  "At least it's not as complicated as Buffy and Angel."

"Good for me, yeah."  He stood up.  "Let me get back to my exciting life of paperwork so you guys can talk about classified stuff without me."  He went back to his desk with a stop for a snack on the way.

Jack took it from Daniel to read over.  "That still makes no sense."

"Prophecies never seem to," Daniel admitted, taking it back to reread.  "Can we talk to Thor?"

"I can do that."  He got up.  "Let me head back to the other base.  I don't want to know what he'd say about demons."  He left them alone, taking the books with him.

"I had no idea Watchers were hoarding and taking information from everyone back that far," Rodney said dryly.  "What else is in that library of theirs?"

"Before the original one in England blew up I have no idea.  These were what outside watchers gathered in their private libraries.  I only did a quarter of the translating," Daniel told him.  "They had their own Latin sub-language so no one found out they were talking about demons."  He shrugged.  "Though there's some interesting things in there.  I never saw Wesley blush before he ran into that anatomically correct book on fertility myths through the ages."

"Any words?" John asked with a smile.

"Yeah, a full book.  Over five hundred pages, only a hundred of them covered in pictures.  Very detailed, descriptive pictures.  On some you can see veins and muscles straining even."  John shook his head.  "By the way, Thomas wanted to know if Abby was done with that yet, Rodney."  Rodney gave him a horrified look and nodded quickly, going back to the lab.  He looked at Sheppard.  "How are your people really?"

"Antsy.  Nothing's happened in weeks.  We didn't usually get this sort of breather."  He shifted.  "What happens if we can't go back?"

"SGC could use more people.  They've come up with two new long term projects.  Plus replacements on the regular SG teams."

"So we won't be tossed back to handle mundane military matters?"

"No.  Though, Sam and Dean are going to be making sure all your people know enough about demons in case we have another invasion."

"I can handle that.  There's some really fascinating things coming out of their classes, but it gives everyone a headache."

"You should try being in the same room with some of them, Sheppard," he said with a smirk of his own.  "Last month we had telepathic-only demons who gave everyone a headache when they were yelling it wasn't fair that they had been caught.  Xander walked in with a tranq rifle and promised he'd end all the headaches the easy way since they were allergic to them.  They quit complaining so loudly."

"He's still insane."

"Until the day we lose him," Daniel agreed, looking toward the main building then him.  "Let me call Dean to talk to Buffy and Faith about sparring with Ronon.  I'd like to see that too.  You said he and Teyla were very strong warriors."  John nodded.  He called Dean.  "It's Daniel.  One of Sheppard's people is a warrior who wanted to spar with Buffy and Faith.  Can you set that up?  Yeah, the one with the dreadlocks who keeps watching the girls practice.  I'm sure Mary did make him walk off groaning earlier," he said with a smile.

"Tiff has a few times too," John assured him.

"Yeah, he's here.  I know Dawn's up for orientation already.  However you can arrange it.  Thanks, Dean."  He hung up.  "He'll arrange it for tomorrow.  Did you want the weapons room, the gym, or outside?  We'll have to have Anna talk to the unicorns and George about not breaking up the fight."

"Anywhere they want.  I don't mind.  I'm not sure if Ronon can use a sword or not though."

"So not the weapons room.  Outside?"

"As long as it's nice."  Daniel nodded and stood up.  "Thanks for not making us bunk in tiny tents out back by the back gate, Jackson."

"Not a problem.  You're my people too."  He smirked.  "Some days I feel like some strange sort of king."  They walked out together, John laughing at that image.  "It's better than Cam with his thing about being the New King of England at least."  John burst out in louder laughs.  "Yeah, I did that my first few months at DCIS a lot too."  Daniel went back to his office, finding Fargo had a stack of reports ready for him to read, sign, and pass on.  He looked at the top one.  "Tony, did you have a Xander case?"

"Yes, and they wanted to know why I didn't bring him since it was weapons.  They nearly pouted."

"Everyone wants me," Xander quipped back loud enough for Daniel to hear.

Daniel shook his head.  "Yes, but it's not usually in a healthy way, Xander."  A few of the agents cracked up.  It was good to be the King of DCIS some days.

***

Buffy came out of the portal fixing her ponytail.  "Man, you guys are back?" she asked John.

"Our base had a small virus issue."

"Oh, that's where Dawn went.  Sure."  She waved at the portal and it closed.  "I hope they'll be good for Gibbs.  They've been hellraising little brats today."

"It's time for them to have a day off.  I'm sure Gibbs knows that," John told her.  He walked her to where they had set up the fight area.  "Ronon, this is Buffy.  She's the senior slayer, called before Faith," he said with a point at her.  "They fight differently but they're both supposed to be very good."

Buffy looked him over.  "Can he take a full out slayer fight?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, he can," John assured her.  "Go full out with him.  Show off for the girls so they nag Dean into taking them to the local dojo, all that, Buffy."

"And hey, any bruises mean I get pampered later," Faith quipped.  She tied back her hair too and took off her overshirt, leaving her in t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers.  Buffy was already in sweatpants, loose t-shirt, and sneakers.

"I need one of those," Buffy complained.  She looked at Faith as she stretched.  "Do you think you can come talk to my girls, give them the less extended version of what you gave the others?" she asked quietly.  Faith looked at her.  "They've been hellraising brats for the last week.  I think it'd do them good anyway."

"Sure, I want to keep them all straight and five-by-five, B.  Any going down my garden path?"

"Not that I'm aware of but a few I'm worried about."  She moved closer.  "I heard from the girls last night.  It was a good reason.  I would've beaten them myself," she offered with a smile.

"Dean knocked me out," she said with a smirk back.  "X had to pick them up and beat them for me."

"Yeah, but you made sure none of the others were going to knowingly go that way.  And if they slip they know how to come to us.  If we had been there for you, it would've turned out better," she admitted, staring in her sister slayer's eyes.  "I'm proud of how you managed it and came back if I never said it."

"Thanks, B.  Now, should we kick his ass?"

Buffy smirked.  "Yeah, I think we should.  And hey, if he's any good, maybe he likes to give backrubs too when we beat him?"

"Could be.  Never asked him.  Pounce him if you want.  He's on downtime."

"Hmm.  Yeah, tall, muscles, dangerous, hopefully skilled.  I could definitely use that."  She noticed the guy was blushing.  "Aww, that's adorable."  She attacked, kicking him back.  Faith joined in to fight him back.  Ronon blocked the first few blows, shaking his head.  "What?  Weren't ready for us?  Don't let the cuteness fool you.  We're not that sort of girl."

"From what I've been told you're both fierce warriors," he agreed with a wicked smirk of his own.  They attacked again and it was really on this time.  He was panting, sweaty, and nearly dead by the time they managed to get him down.  Faith had landed on her butt and back a few times, having to take longer to get up each time.  Buffy had dodged some of his best efforts and had given as good as he had given her.  They had both picked up more than their fair share of dust from the yard thanks to their sweat.  He looked up.  "Yield."

Buffy smirked.  "I thought you'd say that."  She smiled and helped Faith back up.  "You okay?" she asked, checking her over.

"I'm not bad.  A bit sore.  It's been a while since I had to fully go all out against anyone."

"Yeah, me too.  Vienna sees more action than Cleveland.  I think we should go steal LA and send Crissy, Morgan, Connor, and the twins of destruction back here."

"Could be," she agreed.  "Give them a break."  They hauled Ronon up.  "You held up really good."

"Thank you.  It was good fighting someone who has your skills.  Both of you are very good."  They smiled at him.  "And very dangerous for men like me."

"Which is why you owe me a backrub for losing," Buffy quipped.  "C'mon, you can even use our shower."  He gave her a confused look.  "I won."

"He didn't agree to those terms," Abby said firmly.  "Don't be mean to him, Buffy."

"Post slaying cool down?" she asked with a sheepish grin for the big, tall man.

He got the point and nodded.  "I could enjoy a shower and a cool down," he agreed.  "Though, what are backrubs?"

"I'll show you, then you can do mine, big guy."  She walked him off to the slayer bathroom.

Dean put down his camera.  "Damn good job, Faith.  I know I couldn't beat him."  He gave her a kiss and a look over.  "Go shower and I'll rub out any muscles and treat bruises?" he asked with a slight grin.

"Yeah, I could like expecting that after the good sessions," she agreed, sashaying off.  She walked into the slayer dorm.  Then she leaned out.  "Um, Papa Scruffy, I think someone needs to have a word with someone in the living room.  Dean, come help me with some hair knots?"

"I can do that."  He walked that way, handing Rodney the video camera.  "Make sure the girls sit down and watch that if I'm not out for dinner."

"Of course," he said dryly.

Tiff gave him a hug and took it to their common area.  "Eww!  John!" she called.  He walked in there and found Shea passed out on the couch naked.  "Eww!  We have to sit on that."

"At least it's not crabs," Dean called.

"Thank the Goddess," she complained.  John carried her up to her room and locked her in there.  Tiff thoughtfully flipped cushions and then checked the tape to make sure the fight had been followed and was in focus.  It was very good.  She couldn't beat Buffy or Faith.  She couldn't beat Ronon either.  "I wonder what Teyla would do against them," she muttered.

John came back down.  "I think she's sick."

"Yeah," she said, holding up the porno CD.  "It's called her boyfriend's groundeditis."

He scowled, walking off with the CD to hand to Abby.

She looked at it.  "I wondered where that one went.  Xander said he was missing it when I tried to borrow it."  Rodney was bright red.  "While you were at home, Rod.  Not when you're here.  I have more than I'll ever need when you're here."  She walked off.

He gave the guys he knew a smug look.  "Let me make her quit fussing."  He walked her off to confiscate that vile movie.  His girlfriend had no need of artificial stimulants or quasi-sexual replacements with him here.

"I never use them when you're here," she reminded him with a kiss.

"Aww," Fargo said, getting out of their way.

"Fargo, make sure Xander gets that back," Abby said, handing him the movie.  He squeaked and blushed at it.  "Shea borrowed it."

"Sure, um, I can do that."  He hurried off to hand it to Xander.  "Shea had it."

He looked.  "I wondered which one of them had stolen it this time."  He put it into his desk drawer.  "Thanks, Fargo."

"You watch those things?" he hissed.

Xander looked at him.  "I'm single, Fargo.  I only get action in the clubs anymore.  There's no evil women around here for me to date unless I turn Calleigh or Stella.  Yes, I do use them and occasionally some of the three trunks of toys that my ex-girlfriend left in my closet.  Though, never any of the strange, huge, or demonic models."  Fargo was now about fire engine red.  "Go calm down.  Some of us are used to it after saving the world."

"And before saving the world," Tony said as he walked in.

"Yup, apocalypse sex is some of the best sex there is.  Even better than makeup sex," Xander quipped with a grin.  Fargo scurried off.  "Sorry, Fargo.  I won't share," he called after him.  "I remember being that geeky then finding stress relief."  He shook his head, going back to his paperwork.  "How was the match?  I couldn't get off the phone with the crying mayor who had a ghost kill her family pets."

"Good.  Very good.   Faith and Buffy are amazing.  Buffy dragged Ronon off to teach him what backrubs were since he barely lost."  Xander smirked at that.  "Dean taped it."

"I'll watch it with the girls after dinner."  Tony grinned at him.  "Why did Shea have my tape?"

"I don't know but Tiff started yelling 'eww' from the common area about her."

"Shea needs to have some common sense then."

John walked in.  "She smells like she was drinking too and she was either running a fever or sick."

Xander looked at him.  "In the common area?"

"Naked sprawled on the couch in the common area."

"Uh-huh.  Okay well, we'll talk to her later.  She's nearly ready to hit New York.  There's more guys up there for her to date.  We'll make contingency plans for when she messes up on her birth control."

John smirked.  "Would you mind if her parents showed up?"

"You know I never mind when parents show up, John."  He smirked back.  "The girls could use all the support they can find."

"Thank you."  He went to call her.  "Liv, John Winchester.  No, small problem with Shea.  No, not injured.  Her broken leg from Miami healed very well.  No, I just found her smelling like whiskey in the girls' common area naked, passed out, with porn in the dvd player."  He smirked.  "I think it might, yes.  Thank you."   He hung up.  They were relatively nearby anyway.  It'd be good for the girl to talk to her mother.  He went outside, finding Brenda under his hood.  "What are you doing?" he asked calmly.  He wouldn't yell, she'd cry on him and he's spend the rest of the day cheering her up by playing board games or something.

She looked at him.  "Changing your oil filter.  You've been burning oil."  She smiled.  "It needs to be done."

"Is this nesting?" he asked, coming closer.  His engine was spotless.  "This has to be nesting."

"I can't get my room any more clean," she said with a pitiful look.

"You learned that off Dawn.  Stop it."  She gave his arm a hug.  "Fine.  No more without asking, young lady."

"Yes, John."  She smiled.  "Can we go for pizza tonight?  Dean's going to be busy.  Sam's still in Cleveland.  We can come back to watch the tape later?"

"Maybe.  Let's finish this first."   They finished off the filter change, even though John had to look up at the very loud, unopened windows a few times.  "It must be Sunnydale that makes them that loud," he decided finally.

Brenda giggled, punching him on the arm.  "It's just good, John.  Wasn't it making you happy at that age?"

He nodded.  "Very but I was never loud enough to be heard outside."  He closed his hood, letting her get into the passenger's side of the truck.  He got in to drive and they headed off for pizza.  He could ignore her eating anchovies and mushrooms on her half of it.  She was starting to eat like Dean, it was almost enough to turn his stomach.

***

Abby slid down next to Xander's seat at the picnic tables a few days later.  "We've just had a talk with the people at GD about the power research stuff."  He gave her an odd look.  "They had a few other projects that would be done around here and one wanted your help."

"I'm okay at research but Sam's better."

"Not that sort.  He wants to ask you questions, not have you look things up for him."

"What's he asking about?  Hunting?"

"Demonic sex lives."

"How would I know?  I dated a former demon."

"She probably told you stuff."

"Yeah and it was a lot of stuff I tried to block out because she wanted sex afterwards."  He nibbled on a chip.  "Why me?"

"Because you're closer and tamer than going to someone like Spike.  You're a first step so he can weed down his area of interest."

"Okay, I guess.  As long as Danny doesn't care."

"He didn't say anything other than you had to agree."

"Then I guess I can.  How long should it take?"

"A few hours."  She gave him a hug.  "Thank you, Xander."

"Not a problem, maybe it'll make more people less wary of demons."

"Maybe."  She got up and went to talk to Tiff about another project that wanted some slayer expertise.  She and Sam Carter were excellent in lab stuff so maybe they could help.

Xander shook his head.  "That's just strange."  He looked up as he was joined by someone else.  "You just missed Abby, guys."  John and Rodney both stared at him.  "What?" he asked, putting down his latest chip.

"We're supposed to be weeding out the geek toy closet," John said quietly, glancing around then at him.  "Then we find this paranoid little arsenal area in one of the back lab's storage area while McKay was looking for a box of gloves."

"They're in the main storage area.  I helped her stock last time."

"We were out and she said she put the overflow back there," McKay said dryly, staring at him.

Xander shrugged.  "We might need them.  I have to test most of them anyway."

"Some of those are quite...powerful.  We're worried why you're building things like that, Xander," John told him.  "We're coming to you because we don't want to make anyone else worry that the stress snapped you."

"It hasn't," he said with a small pout.  He sighed and pushed his plate back.  "I'm still getting uneasy feelings about the next base assault," he said quietly, staring at John.  "I don't want to be underpowered or need something."

"So you've been making stuff that could double in the apocalypse vault?" John decided.  Xander nodded.  "Okay.  I can understand that.  I might do the same thing if I could foresee our next problem.  We've had plenty I wanted artillery for.  How do you find so much artillery?"

"Anymore?  It comes from cases."

"Before?"

"Contacts out of LA."

"Anything your liaison officer should see?" Rodney asked patiently.

"Probably but they're mostly demon contacts."  He shrugged.  "If he wanted, he'd ask me."

"Good point I suppose," Rodney said, glancing around.  "What does Abby want for her birthday?"

"I got her new music and a new discman with the armband for jogging or running around the lab with.  I think she wanted something...girlfriendy and special from you, Rodney."

"Huh?" he asked.

Xander smiled.  "Very erudite," he teased.

"Yes, well, now and then our good colonel here drags me into things that aren't good for my mental capabilities," he shot back.  "What does she want?"

"Something special from her *boyfriend*.  Do something wildly romantic, slightly kinky, and something that she'll either have to call off from the next day or she'll sigh and grin a silly grin about whenever she remembers."

Rodney blushed.  John patted him on the back.  "I'll help you figure that part out.  I got her some new CD's too."  He looked at Xander.  "You need to test those."

"I can't test those.  I've got two cases on my desk, both weapons dealers."  They groaned.  "If you wanted to test them, I'd trust you or Dean."

"I can see doing that," John said with a smile.  It was a big move of trust on Xander's part.  Usually no one touched his stuff other than Dean or Sam, maybe.  "Let me do that this afternoon.  Your notes on them?  Anything about range, types of bullets, how to reload?"

"In my creation file in the back lab's computer."  He wrote on his napkin, handing him the login information.  "There you go."  He grinned.  "Let me know?  I'll probably be off again by dinner."

"I can do that.  Be safe."  He stood up and walked off.

"Abby likes things like that?"

"All girls like it when their guys let them have a fantasy night, the same as most guys do," Xander said with a grin.  "Treat her like the princess she is, McKay.  She deserves a night of being totally spoiled by you, right?"

"She does and more than that," he agreed.  "Thank you."

"If you want to add a present on top of that, go for something tasteful that she can wear, stroke, or touch whenever you're not here.  She does your picture when she's struggling over the newest test in the lab."

He beamed.  "I can definitely figure that out.  Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome."  Xander went back to his eating.  He needed to eat.  He was going to be chasing someone down by tonight.  He saw Calleigh's car pull in and waved her over, grinning at her.  "Team case," he said once she was close enough.

"Already?"

"Two even.  Even with *weapons*," he said with a teasing smile.  "Both dealer clans so low threat at least."

"I'll still pack my vest."  She patted him on the back.  "Eat more than that, Xander.  You know they like to run from you."  She went to get her own lunch and steal the files off his desk.  She was almost to the point where she wondered how Xander could like weapons so much but she'd get a day off soon she was sure.  She remembered when she was only a gun nut and liked to pet them too.

***

Xander came back and found the researcher waiting on him.  "Hey," he said, waving one handed while using the other to steer the prisoner.  "Hold on, let me get him logged in and downstairs."

"That's fine, Agent Harris.  Thank you for talking to me."  He looked at the demon then at him.  "Was he going to start an apocalypse?"

"No, just some minor arms dealing with some street gangs."  He walked him past the nerdly, bouncy guy, taking him up to his desk.  Danny came out to look at him.  "He was selling to street gangs.  Don Epps said hi."

"Thank you.  That bad?"

"Few bigger things.  The other one I'm letting Calleigh and Speed do since he went with us.  We think they're selling to an off-plane war but we can't be sure."  Daniel nodded.  Xander typed up the charge sheet, looking at him.  "Do we have a social security number?"

"Those are foul and signs that your version of Satan will come," he sneered.

"I can go get some caffeine so I'm more bouncy if you want to be snotty," Xander offered dryly, staring him down.  The demon shrank down in his seat.  "Thank you!"

"No threatening, Xander," Danny said, patting him on the back.  "We'd have to tranq dart you again."  He looked at him.  "Speaking of darts...."  Xander groaned.  "Sheppard's off base right now.  He left you a note in your top drawer."  He went back to his office.  He wouldn't wonder why Sheppard and McKay were locked in a lab together.  If they were having...relations, and Abby didn't know, he'd kill them both for her, but otherwise if they were she probably knew and if not, they were probably conspiring over her birthday.  Which reminded him he needed to buy her a present.  He went to find them.  "McKay?"  He looked up from his current computer model of whatever.  "What are you getting her for her birthday?  I don't want to duplicate."

"The goofy haired ones are both getting her music," he offered with a smug look.  "I was advised to let her be a spoiled princess."

"That's good.  I'll tell House to set up a white noise generator then.  Music?"  He nodded.  "Maybe I'll do that."

"Xander's getting her a cd player with an armband."

"Then I can find something.  Thank you.  By the way, Xander's back."  He went back to his office to look up Abby's playlist on the music site she surfed.  She had a long list of music she liked.  And a little link to a 'wish list' option.  He clicked on it.  It even showed what had been bought for her.  He loved that site.  There were only two left so he got her some rechargeable batteries and a gift card too.  That was a nice gift and she could do whatever she wanted with the card.  Yup, they'd even gift wrap it for him if he wanted.  He loved that site.

***

"Thank you for seeing me today, Mr. Harris," the researcher said when he walked into their conference room.  He started the tape recorder on the table.  "There we go."

"What part of demon sexuality are you studying and why?" he asked.

"I've studied many cultural versions of what is acceptable sexuality and what isn't.  I've published a few papers on it over the last decade as well."

"Hmm.  You know that there's different standards by each breed and type of demon?"

"No, I hadn't."

Xander nodded.  "There is.  It depends on which type you're talking about."  He sat down, putting his feet up in a free chair.  "I still don't know why you wanted to talk to me.  I only dated one former demon."

"Former?  They can turn into humans?"

"In her case she changed over.  It's a job, not a genetic thing.  She was, and is again, a vengeance demon."

"Oh, I see.  How would one get that job?"

"D'Hoffryn, the head demon over them, offered her a job."

"Are there others that are jobs instead of just being born that way?"

"All wish demons as far as I know.  A few of the higher ones had to move their way up.  As far as I know, most wish demons are human but their Higher can offer it to whoever wants it and fits the job description.  Basically, Anya was cursing her boyfriend and got offered a spot as Women Scorned."  The man was making notes.  "I met a few of her friends while we were together."

"Very interesting.  So some are jobs, and they took them for whatever reason, and some are born that way."

"Yup.  Most of the jobs come with a lot of power, very little oversight, a long life, and if you like that sort of thing, a lot of pain for others.  Anya got to curse husbands, boyfriends, and guys that just dumped women when they called on her."  He shifted to get more comfortable.  "She said she had a lot of fun with it."

"Do you know if they have any taboos?"

"No.  They have not a one unless it's a personal one.  Anya was very sharing with what she liked, what she had watched, what she had wanted people to do or had made them do, and how she tortured men for fun."  The researcher's mouth fell open.  Xander shrugged.  "She also has a toy habit that rivals some brothels.  That's why I have two and a half trunks of her discarded sex toys in my closet.  The girls and Abby took a few," he said with a smile.  "Have you asked Thomas, our librarian, if anyone's studied this before?  I'm sure one of the ancient stuffy watchers might've."

"No, I hadn't."

Xander called up there.  "Hey, Thomas, Xander.  There's a researcher here wanting to research demon sexual habits, taboos, that stuff.  Do we have anything?  Conference room.  Thanks, man."  He hung up.  "There's six books," he said, putting the phone back into his pocket.  "He did say some were species specific."

"That's wonderful."  He smiled and made another note.  "So, you'd say ones like wish demons and those sort, it's based on personal bias?"  Xander nodded.  "How long was your former girlfriend a demon?"

"She was a Viking wench when she got offered."

"That's interesting.  Are there many that old?"

"A few.  I know one's over two thousand but in the last few years we've had some that've quit, rescinded wishes so they died, and other problems."

"They can?"

"Yes.  If they rescind a wish they can and usually will die.  Anya lost her best friend because D'Hoffryn killed her when Anya rescinded one of her own wishes."

"Oh, dear."

Xander shrugged.  "I didn't think it was fair but he apparently did.  I didn't know Hallie all that well.  She did but she grieved for a short time and moved on."

"I suppose that would be normal.  What about those who're born demons?"

"That depends on the species."  Thomas walked in.  "Thank you, Thomas."

"Not a problem.  I've seen some of the weirdest theories about demons over the last few months."

"From that cult in Texas or somewhere else?"

"The one in Texas has been predominant but a few researchers are basing their research off them.  Clearly deluded but popular.  I've almost wanted to write one myself."

"Go for it.  Half of them have probably never met a demon, much less talked to one.  As far as I know Wesley would congratulate you and would probably encourage any research being put out there."  Thomas smiled, patting him on the back as he walked off.  Xander looked at them.  "You'll have to translate this one.  It's in Watcher Latin, which is a bit different than regular Latin in some areas.  That's on one of the tentacle types."

"Tentacles?"

"Yeah, some have normal equipment, some have alternate equipment, some have tentacles."

"Is that not considered alternate equipment?"

"No, they're standard on about a quarter of the breeds.  Some of them have these little pouches.  Some lay eggs.  Some lay unfertilized eggs."  He picked up one of the books to flip through, finding that section.  "There, that's the alternate ones."

He read it over then nodded slowly.  "Very interesting.  Have we had any cases where demonic sex was present or noted?"

"Well, Danny and Don had a case at a brothel where the demons were complaining their boss was killing them if they got limp tentacles.  Ryan had a rape case by tentacle.  Speed and I got to break up a custody argument between two parents over an egg but that wasn't the case, we were there at the moment when it broke out.  Mac went to help on a negotiation between clans that had hatcheries.  They were arguing where to put them."  The man was taking notes.  "We see a lot of crimes like the former officers among us had.  Robberies, some homicides, some weapons dealers, a few kidnapings.  Since we're federal, we only see local level crimes when there's no local office or we're nearby."

"Very interesting."  He smiled.  "Are there any generalized taboos across the spectrum?"

"Incest is pretty well disliked across the broad demon communities.  There's some hive species so they're all related to the same genetic line and it doesn't seem to matter to them.  There's some of the egg laying ones where you're just a number and it doesn't seem to keep track of who was who's parents.  There's three or four, I think, that reproduce asexually so they don't care either."

"Fascinating.  So they're built more like the animal kingdom is, but more sentient and able to reason, think, and act without growling or acting like animals?"

"There's some demonic pet species.  They have a breed of pig that's a common pet, some demon dog and cat species.  A few of those are more sentient than our pets are but they're still pets.  We have a few of those on guard duty as K-9 guards.  A few of those are where the rumors of witches having telepathic talks with their familiars come from.  Some also keep slaves and pets that way.  We've dealt with them a good number of times for smuggling and slavery since it's not legal in the US even if it is on their home planes."

"So there are demons who're made just for concubine positions to put it mildly?"

"There's three species of sex demons.  Two of them are meant to be owned, they've been bred that way over the centuries.  A few break out now and then but they usually end up going to a better owner later on.  One needs it and it's addicting so it collects more than is collected."

"So the aggressor?"

"It's more that their seed is physically and mentally addicting once it touches your body anywhere.  There's been stories of ones who accidentally touched their residue on tables and gotten hooked.  They are a naked species but they tend not to come out in public because they know the greater and higher demons would rip them up if they infected them by accident.  A lot of times it's like heavy cultural enclaves like New York has.  Each type has their own little group in an area.  Even if you live in a more mixed community like the one around here, the different species mingle but don't really mix all that often."

"Interbreeding?"

"Depends on the species but happens rarely.  We have a demon we worked with who was a mixed demon breed.  Really nice, sweet guy.  Great guy.  Loved him tons.  He taught me how to play kitten poker."

"Kitten poker?"

"It's the demon game of choice."

"Oh."  He finished that note then looked up.  "So it's not common?"

"Not that I've seen.  Most of the time they marry within the species.  Some of that may be that some can't crossbreed.  I don't know.  You'd have to ask them and some would try to eat you if you did."

"I can understand that.  Are there many that are heavily taboo about sexual matters?  They segregate their genders?  They do what we do here in the Middle East with the all-covering garments for one gender?  Anything like that?"

"There's one species where you do not speak to any member but the leader.  There's a few where if you talk to a female member you're her love interest and they will marry you off at that time.  I nearly got a wife that way."  He grinned.  "There's a few.  Before you ask, there's some that're more open than some swingers I used to see at the clubs."

"So it really is species by species?"

"Yes, and I can't even claim to know all the species.  We've only got a representative sample of about half of them down here.  Some can't live on earth, some won't live on earth, and some of the hellborn ones we banish if they should show up on earth to find playmates.  Speaking of, the Playboy mansion had one that had to be banished from what I heard.  Some jealous girl that didn't make the cover."

"Oh, my."  He made a note of that too.  "Do you think they'd talk about it?"

"Probably not."  He made that note as well.  He grinned.  "Why don't you start on those books then come back with more species specific questions?  Or maybe we have a representative down in the jails who might let you interview him or her."

"I can definitely do that.  Thank you for your time, Agent Harris.  I'll try to come back in a few days with any other questions I might have for you.  Oh, before I forget, is there any connection between demons and the pornography industry?"

"They have their own studios, sites, and shops.  My ex Anya used to upload her home videos at one and bought a lot of demon fake dicks at the same site.  I've got it bookmarked at home so I'll give it to you the next time I see you?"  The man smiled and nodded, shaking his hand.  "I hope the paper goes well.  It'll be good to see real research and truthful research that's unbiased out there."  He left to go back to work.

That guy sat there, staring at the books.  He turned off the tape and delved into them.  Someone had laid the foundation of what he wanted to do a long time ago.  He wondered if anything had changed.  He went up to make sure he could take those back to the local motel with him.  Thomas allowed it and he went back there to read and study up on what he wanted to ask next.  It really was fascinating how perverted some species were.  Humans included.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Booms and Babes. \

Xander looked at the contact that he was talking to then at the younger one who had walked over with an envelope.  "What's up?  Information on the kidnaping?"

"No, Senior," he said with a happy, bright, nearly manic grin.  If he had dark pigtails and was pale instead of medium green, he'd look a lot like Abby on a Caf-Pow high.  "Someone said that you are researching how the various species have relations."

"I'm helping a researcher who is studying that," he corrected.  "He's said he's studied many cultures and their version of what's appropriate for fun and relations.  Now he wants to know about how demons see those issues."

The boy pouted.  "Only helping?  There are many who would like it if you would study that in a personal manner."  The older one burst out laughing, shaking his head.

Xander gave the kid a gentle pat on the snout.  "I know they would but I still have to date to get to know anyone I'm serious about.  Fun in the clubs is one thing.  Fun for a longer time is completely different."

The younger demon beamed as he handed over the envelope.  "Then you can still use this, Senior.  You can share with that one so he knows that we're all different too.  That way he doesn't make stupid mistakes."

"I took him down to the prison to talk to the different species we've had in on more minor things, nothing too bad, and let him talk to them about how they do things."  Both demons giggled at that.  "But I'll pass this on after I've looked it over to see if there's anything in here I can use."

"Good."  He bounced some.  "My clan's patriarch said that you seniors are silly sometimes.  That you need *girls* for things."

"Well, some humans do like girls, some like boys, and some like both," he assured him.  "Breeding takes one of each but I'm not looking forward to kids to warp House for decades to come."

The kid beamed.  "You should have some to be a watcher to the new ones that were born."

"Crissy's is?"

He shrugged.  "The elders say it's possible."

"I'll check on that when I've found the kidnaped one and returned her.  Thank you and whoever else sent things."  The kid jogged off.  "He's sweet."

"He's very sweet but a bit naughty.  I have no idea what's in there."

Xander shrugged.  "I'm sure it'll be fun to watch later if there's tapes or anything."  The demon actually blushed so he smiled.  "Not like I discriminate.  As long as it's good and willing."  The demon blushed brighter.  "So, this kidnaped matriarch?  Any idea who she pissed off?"

"Many.  She was opinionated and wanted to be more open.  Many of us are still wary of what humans will think."

"You probably should be for a bit longer.  Some are more accepting than others, but there's still some kooks out there.  Like that cult in Texas."  The demon moaned, nodding some.  He let him see what he had taken down.  "More than that?"

"Much more."  He wrote out more notes for him, getting a nod of thanks and a pat on the arm.  He watched him walk off, shaking his head.  "The young want to make him a toy.  It's amusing."  He went to talk to the other elders about that one young demon's plans.  Before he got a slayer called on them for upsetting the Senior.

***

Xander walked into the station, smiling at Daniel.  "Matriarch rescued safely.  Returned home.  Have the report," he said, pulling out his USB key to hand over.  "Did it on the plane.  Is that researcher here?  One of the younger ones of the same clan gave me some information to share with him."

"He's in the library."

"Cool."  He grinned.  "And see, no team needed."

"You're a team all by yourself, Xander," Daniel said with a smile.  Xander beamed at that compliment.  "Though, that testing they've been doing for you?  *Way* too powerful."  He stared him down.

"We might need it."

"We might, but you can't store them in the lab."

"They weren't tested yet.  I couldn't move them to the armory."

"Fine.  Take the next few days to test those with Jack and Sheppard, with McKay looking over your shoulder since Abby hadn't heard anything about it, or Dean.  Then move what works to the armory."

"Yes, Danny."  He bounced off, heading to the library.  "Hey, Philip?" he called as he walked in.  Thomas gave him a dirty look.  "One of the younger clan members on the case I was on gave me an envelope to share with him for his research, Thomas."

"Anything decent?"

"I didn't open it yet."  He walked back to the table the researcher was on, getting a smile in greeting.  "I got a prezzie given to me to share with you."  He pulled out the envelope and opened it, watching as it expanded.  He looked inside.  "Oooh, nice space charms.  I forgot they can do those."  He stood up and poured it out onto the table, making the researcher blush and choke.  Demon porn magazines, tapes, pictures, and all sorts of things.  "Huh.  They did hear about your research and the young one who delivered it suggested I should use some of it to find a better playmate too, but I said I'd share with you."  He grinned as he handed over the envelope.  "There's a few tapes down there too that didn't come out."

Philip gave him a horrified look.  "Is that normal?"

"Their species has fun and does believe in monogamy when you've gotten that far, but playing around is acceptable until then."  He saw Dean walk in and waved him over.  "One young'ne gave me these to help him and said to find myself a new playmate."

Dean looked at the piles of demon porn then at him.  "Don't keep me up, Xander," he complained.  He sat down to flip through a magazine.  "She's kind of pretty, even if she is orange furred with brown stripes."  Philip nearly squeaked at that.  They could barely hear it because his voice was so high pitched.  Dean grinned.  "Work hard, play hard, slay hard when you've got to," he quipped.  John stomped in.  "Xander got given stuff for the research guy, Dad."

He looked at the pile then at the researcher.  "Keep it away from the slayers if you can please.  Some of them are very curious and a bit too hyped to try stuff."  He looked at Xander.  "Where's Buffy?  She missed practice."

"Ask Sheppard where Ronon is?"

"I can't find him."

"He's probably in the testing building."  He called Abby.  "John Winchester's looking for Buffy.  Any idea where she and Ronon are today?"  He grinned.  "Cool, thanks.  In the library with the demon porn someone gave me for Philip."  He hung up.  "They're having a picnic on the back forty today, talking about past battles and about what he went through when he was on his own."

John sighed, shaking his head.  "She looks better than she did before."

"Yeah, slayers who're getting some do," Xander agreed dryly with a smirk.   "They also eat better, sleep better, and are less bouncy.  You should've seen Kim before she hooked up with Amber.  Plus it helps keep them centered on something outside the hunting."

Dean nodded.  "I had to help cure Faith complaining her pants were too tight because she'd been hungry recently.  She's had less nightmares too, Dad."

"Good, I'm glad you two are so good together, son, but you don't let Faith miss practice."

"Have Ronon come spar with them tomorrow," Xander suggested.  "Fighting with her seems to turn him on."

John smirked.  "That's nearly evil.  I'll suggest that tonight, kid.  Clean this up before the girls see it?"

"Sure."  John walked off shaking his head.  Xander grinned when he saw Abby sneaking in.  "You can come see too."  She came over to look, blushing at some of them herself.  "They sent it for Philip."

"That's good," she said, still bright red.  She turned over a picture, looking at the next one.  "A few years ago I would've nearly been shocked by a naked woman in a Penthouse pose with three breasts but I think I'm more open minded now."

Dean looked.  "She's cleaner than some of the ones you see in Penthouse too."

"Oh, that address," Xander said, pulling out his laptop to look it up for him.  He wrote down all the passwords he had for them too.  "There you go, Anya's favorite demon fake dicks and stores sites."  He grinned.  "And a pretty good erotic story site that's written by demons."  He put his laptop back in his backpack and looked at Abby.  "Are the guys in the testing building?"

"That one that needs destroyed.  What did you build?" she asked, staring at him.

"Toys."

She huffed.  "I like weapons too you know."

He kissed her on the forehead.  "Apocalypse toys, Abby."

"Are you still getting freaky visions about the assault and things?"

"Yeah and I don't know where it's coming from.  If it's that cult in Texas, if it's the Knights of Dagon, if it's that demon trapped in the wormhole's people since he's related back to Varcher when he was a problem for us.  If it's just a regular but bad base assault like the last few."

"I can understand that.  Go clean out the rest of your little toys to test.  Then we'll try to build something more fun tonight."  She bounced off, taking one of the magazines with her.  "I'll bring it back tomorrow since Rod's been too busy to play."  She ran into Jack O'Neill out there, who gave her the oddest look for what she was carrying.  "Not like I can walk out there, push him against the wall, kiss him stupid, and then climb on top when he's playing with weapons, Jack.  I'll pounce him later.  This is for happy time reading during my siesta after lunch."

"I don't need to know," he assured her.  She beamed.  "Xander?"

"Library with Philip going over demon sex."

"I'll catch him later then."

"Danny said to clean out all his new toys to test.  Which means I may not get Rod back until tomorrow.  Or next week."

"I'll make sure he remembers that you take a nap, Abby."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Harris!  Report out there."

"Going, oh great loud one!" he called back.  He waved.  "Later, guys."  He headed to the back rooms of the lab he had been hiding his tinkering in, going to pull out the stuff they had probably missed.  He pulled out the portal he had brought with him, stuffing them all in the unused second setting.  That way it wouldn't get mixed up with the stuff he had brought with him.  Five more stops and he was headed out there.  "Rodney, Jack O'Neill said he'd remind you that Abby took an afternoon nap most days because she thinks we're keeping you hostage until we're done."  Rodney blushed.  "But she did find something interesting to look at."  He grinned at Sheppard.  "Anything blow up yet?"

"One thing did but I think it was supposed to by your notes."

Xander beamed.  "Cool."  He pulled out the other things, making them groan.  "Danny said whatever worked well enough had to go into the armory."

"Yup, might be a good idea," Bauer said dryly.  He came over to check on these new things.  "Interesting.  Is that like the little ball that shoots the energy whip?"

"Um, no, that's explosive."  He put that one aside.  Xander sorted them out that way.  Guns on one pile, explosive things in another, and toys in the last one.  He handed one to Jack from his stuff.  "Found it in one of the LA markets.  It's fireworks.  A whole show together."

"Interesting."  He put a post-it on it once he had noted what it was.  They could use some fireworks.  The rest, they'd test and see if it worked like expected and what sort of range and damage it had.

***

Buffy looked up at the pretty explosion.  "Oooh.  Toys."

Ronon looked then at her.  "Very pretty," he agreed.

She blushed.  "Thank you."  He smirked at that.   "They must be testing new weapons."  She paused to listen.  "I don't hear sirens or screaming.  We're not that far away so we'd hear."

He stood up with a groan, hauling her up.  "We'll go see."  She packed up their lunch and things, taking him back by the shortcut she had found.  They found the extra building, which had really needed to be torn down, was now down.  Bauer, Xander, and Sheppard were all covered in dust.  McKay was huddled under something so he and the computers weren't.  "Do we need help?" Ronon asked.

"No, Xander made a new explosive device.  That's what this is."  He held up the second one.

"Wasn't this a building before?" Buffy asked at the tiny rubble.

"Yeah, it was," Xander said proudly.

O'Neill and House came out of the back door to the main building.  "Do I need to smack someone around?" Jack demanded.

"No, we're all good," Sheppard called with a wave.  "I'm so having you make me one so I can plant it and run away from the wraith."  Xander beamed and nodded, bouncing some.

Buffy sighed.  "I like weapons as much as the next slayer, but Xander, too much.  We can't use it in combat."

"We could've used it in Georgia to blow him up," he told her.

She gave him a dirty look.  "It would've taken out the whole field."  She walked off with Ronon.

"Slayer sparring practice tomorrow," Xander called after her.  "He can watch you get sweaty and hot."

"I do like watching her battle," Ronon agreed.  "She's cute and quite bouncy."  She blushed but swatted him, taking him to get more food.  They both ate a lot and it was nice she wasn't shy about that fact.  "Have we been calling off?"

"No, I'm on vacation this summer."  She waved at Faith and Dean as they walked up the hall.  "Snack?"

"I could eat but it looks like his meal's already fully paid for," Faith assured her, making Ronon blush.  She patted Buffy on the arm.  "Geek boy toys make the explosion?"

"Um, yeah.  Xander's newest toy did.  Totally destroyed that extra building."

"Wow," Dean said, going to check.  "There's very little rubble too."

Sheppard pointed.  "It flew that way."

House finished looking them over then smacked Xander on the head.  "Make it less strong next time, Xander.  Before you blow us up too.  Remember, you like us."

"I do like you."  He gave him a short hug.  "But I got the laser rifle we got off that one contact to work."

"I'm sure you did," Jack sighed.  McKay showed him the data, making him shake his head.  "Way too powerful."

"We can use it," John reminded him.  "Think about it in a ship, General."

Jack smirked.  "Not a bad idea."  They went to look at the other toys that Rodney had kept safe.  "Fireworks?"

"Found it in LA," Xander said.

"I guess that's fine."  He and Bauer shared a look.  "He'll pout if you go back and drag the kid with you," he said quietly.

"I don't want to go back and I'd have to let him play with the bad guys too.  Not as much fun for the rest of us."

Xander pinched him.  "I haven't dated a bad girl in months.  Not since that one agent who said she wanted to be good again."

"Wasn't she an assassin?" Rodney asked.

"Well, yeah.  But she said she wanted to be good again for me."

All the other men moaned, but House.  "I know you warped her just like you do the rest of us, Xander.  Slide onto your back for someone nice and male.  Save us from your kids," House ordered.

"But some day my kids will play with Abby's kids and make sure that they make normal friends and do normal kid things instead of just being geeks.  Mine and Sheppard's both."

John gave him an odd look.  "That's not a vision, right?"

He shrugged.  "No idea.  I had it last night while I was napping."  He went to look at the next weapon.

Daniel stuck his head out.  "Guys, please don't do anything that would destroy the prison underneath us?" he said patiently.

"I'm not trying to, bossman," Xander called with a wave.

"I know you're not," he agreed.  He came to look at the damage.  "Well, that saved us about forty thousand to tear that building down," he said finally.  "We can pick up the debris by hand.  All those on the punishment list can help with that."

Xander beamed.  "Don't you think someday my kids will help make Abby's kids more normal?"

"It's very possible that your kids will help keep them from a life of military servitude after they build a weapon that's too powerful," McKay assured him.  Xander beamed at that and went to check on something else.  "Let's move the testing to the actual testing building, shall we?"

"No, people are living above it," Jack complained.  "Go pick out a tree on the back forty of the base, kids."  They sighed but packed everything back into the portal bag and headed off that way.  Bauer went inside to get them something to drink and then followed.  Jack waited until they were gone to look at Daniel.  "He's worse than our team and Cam's team," he said finally.  "Possibly all the teams together."

Daniel cracked up.  "A lot but we could've used that explosive a few times."

"Yeah, well, can't go back in time anymore thankfully."

"Don't wish," Dean reminded him from the doorway.  "More toys?"

"Back forty," Jack said with a point.

"We can go watch that, Faith."

"Sure."  They carried their lunch that way.

"Xander is insane but the best hire DCIS has ever had," Daniel told Jack.  "Think Jon wants to join us to be on his team?"

"Hell no.  Mini-me is not joining Harris' team.  No way in hell."  A portal opened and Crissy walked through with the twins and Connor, Morgan following.  "Vacation?" he guessed.

"Fumigating."  She handed Connor the kids then hugged House.  "We have demonic bugs."

"I'm sorry.  Want Xander to bomb your house?  He has a new explosive device."

"Then we can't live there," Connor complained.  "Besides, that's my job in LA."  He smirked.  The baby poked at him, making him sigh and look at her.  "Behave.  Please?"  She burbled so he handed her back.  "At least she doesn't like my dad like Buffy does."

"Her new casual boyfriend is here," Jack told them.

"Really?" Connor asked.  That would give him something to talk about that would annoy Angel for *years*.

"She and Faith together barely beat him in a fight," Daniel said.  "Video's in the common area."

"I want to see that," Connor decided, walking Morgan that way.  "Join us when you want to, Crissy."

"Sure."  She looked at House.  "Want to babysit?"

"I've got company in.  He might fall in love and want to keep them."

"Shoot.  Think Chase does?  I could use a nap.  I could *really* use a nap, House."

"Ask Anna.  She's with the furry, horned ones."

"Anna!" she called.  Digger came trotting over to nuzzle the babies.  "If you can get Anna to watch them, you guys can have them for an hour so I can rest."

Mary came out of the barn, giving her a look.  "What?"

"Want to babysit?"

"I might want one.  Gibbs would paddle me."

"Let the unicorns watch them then.  I need a nap.  Please?"

"Sure."  She came over to grab the babies and the diaper bag, walking it back with Digger's help.  "C'mon, horny.  We'll be good auntie slayers."  She shut the barn's door.  Then she leaned out again.  "Fargo's with us, Daniel."  She closed it again.

Daniel looked at Jack.  "I'm still normal, right?"

"If you were slipping that badly, I'd put you back in the hospital," he promised sarcastically, patting him on the back.  "Let me help the unicorns before the twins decide they're pets to take home."

"Sure, you go play with the babies," House said with a happy smirk.  He and Daniel watched him walk off.  "Are you sure you need the hospital and not him?" he asked.

Daniel snickered.  "Depends on the day and what's happening."  He looked out as something went off and a large tree shot into the air.  "That's probably not real useful on a battlefield either," he decided.

"Pepto's in the usual cabinet," House offered.  Daniel nodded all the way to the infirmary.  House spent a few minutes watching where the poor tree had fallen then went inside to get his own.  Yeah, Xander was clearly like a member of his family.

"Was that a tree?" Wilson asked as House walked in.

"Xander tinkered with some weapons.  The explosion was him too."

"I thought it was demolition work."

"Oh, it was."  He handed Wilson a vial.  "Headache?"

"Little bit."

"Crissy's twins are in with the unicorns if you want to play with gooingly cute things."

"Not my area of expertise."

"Good.  You being mushy is only fun when you're drunk."

Wilson smirked.  "You've still got the snark I see."  He walked off with him, both of them ignoring Buffy and Ronon teasing each other over food once they had their snacks and were headed out to the picnic tables.

Wesley looked over from his.  "Where did Xander retreat to blow up things?"

"If you were facing the other way, you'd have seen the tree he sent into the air," House said, pointing out the direction.

Wesley looked back.  Then he shook his head.  "He needs to date more often.  I should sign him up on a personal's site."

"I doubt bad_girls.com would like him that much," House told him.

Wesley put in that address.  "Hmm, that's a porn site but it does have a personal's section.  Thank you for the address,  House."  House snickered, shaking his head.  Wilson was giggling too.  "I saw what Philip was given.  Which of the girls have already snatched some?"

"What did he get given?" Wilson asked.

"Demon pornography," Wesley said, looking at him.  "To help with his research."

"Unless Dean took some home with him, I don't think anyone has," House told him.

"Wonderful.  I don't want to answer questions from the younger set about why demons are built that way."  He went back to his email.  He looked back at another explosion.  "They really shouldn't pick on the poor trees.  We might have tree dwelling nymphs or something."  He went back to his reading.

"If we do, they're probably shooting them to keep them off Xander or Sheppard," House quipped.  "I heard he got all the chicks on his last assignment."

"Yes, Tiff did say quite a bit about the bimbos he ran into," Wesley said dryly.  He smiled at Wilson.  "You get used to their insanity when they have weapons."

"How long does it take?  That way I know when to go home," Wilson said.

"Probably too late," House said.  The gate exploded and he glared, hitting his emergency switch.  He called Xander too, heading that way to help pick up people or their parts.  "Xander, assault on the gate."  He looked up.  "Sure.  Guys, Xander's firing something!" he bellowed.  They moved all the casualties out of the way.  The car that was speeding toward them was suddenly sent into the air with a rush of loud, screeching noise and a lot of heat that nearly blew them off their feet.  "Okay then," he decided.  He jogged over to check.  "There's one living," he called.  Agents came to get that one while he took care of the injured guards.  It was their fastest base assault ever.

Xander came jogging out, looking at his new mess.  "Hey, it can target a single car."  He glared at the living demon.  "You fucked up," he said in it's language.  "Why did you fuck up?"

"Want you," it gasped, raising a bloody stump that used to have a tentacle.  "You are mine."  It gasped.

"No, thanks, I like slutty girls.  Really."  He got pulled away from the demon by Daniel.  "Did anyone know I had a stalker?" he asked Daniel.

"No, not that I'm aware of.  Check that betting board," he said, checking him over.  "What did you fire off?"

"Um, the new guidance system I begged Bauer to get me plans for?" he said hesitantly.

"Next time, give us more warning."  Xander nodded, giving him a hug then hurrying off again.  "House, need help?"

"The guards mostly have abrasions and a concussion.  The demon's nearly pulp.  We'll do our best."

Daniel nodded.  "Let me know how that turns out."  He watched House and Wilson both head that way, Chase coming out of the single's dorm with wet hair and a half-unbuttoned shirt.  Daniel looked at the military guys that came running.  "Jack, can you have some guys man the guard area?  I want to talk to that demon and see if more are coming."

"Sure, Danny.  Have at it."  He watched him stomp past.  "MP's to the guard shack, make sure no one else is coming."  A few went that way while others headed to the infirmary and then out there.  He looked at the small pile of debris.  "What sort of launcher fires that thing?" he muttered, going to check on the weapons.  "Did you give him the launcher or missile?" he asked Bauer when he ran into him.

"No, just the guidance system.  Dean gave him the idea and probably method for the missile.  The launcher was one of the used ones from something else.  They're great at cobbling together something that works way too well."  He looked at the mess that was being cleaned up then at him.  "Did it only hit the car?"

"Yeah, looks like it.  One of the ones inside lived too.  Said he was coming for Xander.  Said he was his."

"Ah.  One of those.  Maybe I can set Xander up.  I know plenty of covert agents and assassins," he muttered as he walked off shaking his head.

"It's not my fault!  I didn't encourage him!" Xander yelled from wherever he was.

"I'm making you date some of my former coworkers!" Bauer yelled back.  Wesley choked and spluttered.  "They're quasi-bad girls," he offered.  "Mostly on the side of good."

Wesley calmed himself, nodding slightly.  "That might help, yes.  Thank you.  What was that?"

"He called it Toy # 5."

"At least he's not naming them like pets."

"No, not yet."  He went to take that one from him.  He knew a lot of people who wanted that guidance system to work.

Daniel came out to stare at him.  "Anything he designs or builds is not to be sold on the black market.  If the DoD or someone wants it, they can ask to up our budget by paying us for it."

"Sure, I can understand that.  Even my former project?"

"Yes.  Though, can you set him up with some sort of slinky covert agent who likes to be tied down since he likes bondage?  Especially if they like to get loud?  That seems to be his type."

"Yeah, I know a few," he admitted with a smirk.  "I'll call them later."

"Thank you.  It's clearly been too long."  He walked off shaking his head again.  "You can tell them he got it to work but no selling it."

"I can do that," he agreed.  He had no idea when Daniel turned telepathic but at least it wasn't as creepy as the last telepaths they had on base.  He called an old friend.  "That guidance system that I had you get the plans for does work when paired with something Harris at DCIS built with Winchester's help.  Very nicely I might add.  Can you send me Clorina's number in my email?"  He hung up.  He went out there.  Sheppard was staring in horror at his betting board of beau's as they called it.  "Where am I this time?" he joked.

"Sixth.  You displaced Ryan and they dropped Chase down.  They've taken House off because it's clear to them that his boyfriend has finally appeared to claim him.  Oh, and Ryan's down so far because he said during his last case that he didn't like weapons that much."  Xander grinned at him.  "That guy was sixteenth but he's not now.  I updated that and they've taken him off the board.  Sheppard moved up right behind Sam though."  He went back to reading it over.

Jack looked at Sheppard.  "I'm fixing him up with a girl who likes weapons."

Xander beamed at him.  "Really?  Is she nice?"

"A bit tart and fairly sarcastic but she plays well from what I've been told."  Xander nearly purred at that.  "Let's call a day for this, go help with the clean up, and then we'll run more tomorrow?  Sheppard, some of your people are at the gate."

"Good."  He helped repack things and then helped gather the things that needed to go to the armory so they could safely store them.  The backpack got put into the vault too, just in case someone tried to get the untested stuff.  He went to check on his guys, finding Jack out there.  "Bauer's setting him up with someone."  The MP's all started to pray for mercy.  "This one wanted him but he likes bad girls.  Most of the time they give up after trying him."

"Yeah, that one assassin he slept with that gave up was amusing," O'Neill said dryly.

"Assassin?" one MP asked.  Jack nodded.  "Why?"

"An anti-hunting senator put out a contract on him," Sheppard said.  Jack gave him a funny look.  "Abby told us."

"Oh."  Jack just nodded.  "Yeah, that about describes it.  Hopefully this new woman won't be too bad of an evil wench."

"I heard stories about someone named Anise who was like that, General," Sheppard said.

Jack glared at him.  "Don't even suggest that, Sheppard.  We need them as allies.  I don't care how often she looked like a club girl with bad implants, we still need them as allies.  Maybe when we don't, if he's single, I'll set him up with her.  It'd pay her back for thinking we're lesser and lab rats," he said dryly, walking off shaking his head.  He walked into Daniel's office.  "Sheppard said he heard stories about Anise; suggested we could set her up with Xander."

Daniel looked at him, then found his bottle of aspirin to hold up.  "Maybe if they weren't allies.  She is mostly evil."

"Yeah," he sighed, taking the bottle to pour himself a good few of them.  He took them dry then walked off again.  "Anything from the idiot stalker?"

"He died of blood loss from that severed tentacle," Daniel called after him.  "He said no one else was going to get him."

"Thank you, God," Tony yelled from his desk.

Daniel came out to look at him.  "Religious revelation of the next sleazy woman you're going to date?" he joked.

"No, that he didn't have any friends to come help him take Xander.  I've got to start mining my old contacts to find him someone decent enough to date."

"Bauer's doing the same," Daniel offered.

"Good!  Even CIA agents would be better for him."  He got into his online address book, finding a few he wanted to write emails to.  If it kept being this bad, he might even pay airfare for them to come to North Dakota.  "Did anyone warn Sheppard's people or Bauer about that one demon that you kill and turn into a bad girl magnet?"

"Not yet," he admitted, going to find the picture on the bulletin board.  He walked it down to the armory.  "Sheppard!" he called, bringing him jogging in.  "If it should come up and you kill one of these demons," he said, handing over the picture.  "You get this nifty curse that will draw bad girls to you.  They said it's stress or being in heat when it does happen.  Which means you have to cure it to get rid of it.  It's why Xander got money from some bad girls last year."

"I heard that story," Jack said, studying the picture.  "Thankfully I've never seen one."

Sheppard looked then at him.  "I think I have when I was younger."

"Being its victim, getting away, or injuring it doesn't count as far as we know.  We do know that it will taint you for the rest of your life.  It's called a Buhova."

John sighed and nodded.  "I'm fairly certain I had to beat one to get away from it."  He walked off muttering.  That did explain some things in his life.  Like how he picked up so many strange women in the Pegasus galaxy.  Some very odd women and dangerous women liked him *way* too much for his team and project's piece of mind.

Daniel looked at Jack.  "My Jack wanted to make sure you had seen it."

"I have and I'll pass that on too.  I heard about the one who sent him money before killing herself because he couldn't have her while she was in jail for B&E."

"Yup, that's what this does.   Xander's always drawn bad girls, this makes it insane.  If you heard the story about the mall and suit shopping, same demon's taint."

"Good to know."  He went into his office to email that to someone who could pass it around.  The picture got scanned in and sent too.  It did explain some agents' luck with evil women.  He heard Rodney outside complaining and smirked.

"Abigail, why do you have a magazine that has naked demons?" he demanded.

"Because you were playing with the weapons all day, Rod."  The sound of a kiss.  "I was going to have some fun for my nap."  She walked past the doorway to the armory.  "Nice shooting, Jack."

"All automated but thanks," he called, smirking at Rodney.  "Xander got given some," he told him.

Rodney growled.  "She should not be getting overly warm that way from some spank magazine that features demons!"  He stomped after her.

She gave him a pointed look.  "I'm not, but I can imagine you in the same position and have a happy nap time while you played with the phallic weapons and the boys.  All boys need boy playing time."  She kissed him again.  He tossed the magazine at Wesley and walked her off, still kissing her.  "Rod," she sighed in pleasure.

"No demon had ever better get what's mine," he mumbled against her lips.

"Mm, not gonna happen," she promised.  She deepened the kiss in the elevator, making him groan and clutch her tighter.  They had to ride upstairs twice to finally get off it and make it to her apartment.  Then they got as far as the couch.

Wesley looked at the magazine and sighed, flipping it open.  "I'm not that open minded," he decided, closing it and putting it under his laptop.

Dean stomped past.  "Everyone good?"

"House said a few abrasions and a concussion.  The demon that tried to invade wanted Xander as a boyfriend."  House and Wilson came back out with something to drink.

Dean took Wesley's laptop to log onto the betting board, glaring at it.  "Hmm, messages.  Someone updated that guy's bet and took him off since he died.  House, they've taken you off the betting board.  The message says it's not fair to your new mate."  Wilson choked.  Dean looked at him.  "What?"  He went back to reading.  "Sheppard's going to need a beer or cocoa.  He's second, tied with Sammy.  Then Tony, Speed, Chase, Bauer, and the rest of the usual list."  He handed it back to Wes, looking at the magazine.  He handed it to House with a smirk.  "There, so you can have happy times like Abby was going to with it."

"Rodney just walked her off growling and kissing her," Wesley said with a smile.

"He's good at that.  As long as he treats her well we'll keep the girls from killing him."  He walked off happier.  The base assault had been fixed without him having to help.  The girls were slacking off to give him an afternoon off.  Xander was happy in his apartment.  He could hear him from under his balcony.  Yeah, he could go find Faith and make her get that loud.

She spotted him coming and smirked.  "Can't.  Crissy's in my bed, boytoy."

"Pity.  Xander's getting loud in his.  You can hear him outside again."

"Hmm, maybe he's fully gay since he likes *weapons* so much," she teased.

He smirked at her.  "Some of us like weapons and still like girls."

"If he'd go gay I know a few agents who would love to have him," Bauer called.

"Ask him when he's done," Dean called back.  Faith giggled.  "We could...go for a drive.  I've got the afternoon free."

She moved closer.  "Spacer pills, Dean."

"Pity."  He kissed her.  "So, bubble bath in my place while I watch movies and make sure Sammy's still okay?"

"You checked on me before Sammy?"

"He was in the library."  She walked off with him, going to his and Sam's apartment so she could take care of the girl needs and he could lounge around and wait on her to get out so they could have some fun.  It was a good trade-off.

***

Xander looked up as Fargo walked up to where he was eating.  "What's up, Fargo?"

"We've had two calls from DoD personnel who wanted to talk to you about your tinkering habit."

"Danny said any classified materials that any of us make, or that Abby makes, are agency owned and they have to beg him to buy it from us."  He ate another bite then grinned when his mouth was empty again.  "What did they want?"

"That thing you used earlier on the idiot at the gate."

"Ask our beloved overlord Daniel the Mean."  He waved a hand.

Fargo snickered.  "He's not mean."

"He wouldn't let Sheppard get off base to go on a date so the betting board would lower him down the list again."

"Well, okay that might be mean," he decided with a grin of his own.  "Am I on there?"

"About fifteenth but a few have said I'm still warping you so you'd be mine.  When I'm done warping you, they'll move you higher," he offered with a wicked grin.

Fargo blushed.  "You're very like the woman I have a crush on, but I'm still straight," he pointed out.

"I know.  We like to watch the board and laugh at some of it."

"Cool."  He went to talk to his boss.  "Two calls from the DoD about the thing he used earlier."

Daniel looked at him.  "They can beg to buy it from us.  That way we have a budget surplus next year."

"I told them to talk to you in person about it.  The last call reminded you that you have to be in DC next week and asked if it would be all right then.  I said I'd check and get back with them."

"Sure, one can buy me tea and lunch."

Fargo smiled.  "I can arrange that."  He went to do that then came back to get his dinner.  He did still miss Vincent's amazing cooking skills but the cook they had on base was pretty decent.  Especially for feeding this many people all the time.

Xander's phone rang, making him pat himself until he found it.  "Harris," he answered, listening.  "No, we're fine, Cho.  Who said we're not?"  He chewed while listening.  "No, one of the guys on the betting board of beaus tried to stun the base by blowing up the guard shack so he could rush in, kidnap me, then take me off to have tentacle sex.  Oh, that thing?  A research guy from Fargo's old project wanted to study demon sexuality.  He started out by asking me questions.  Some kids on my last case gave him a lot of info too."  He grinned.  "Sure, thanks."  He hung up.  "That envelope's contents got spread around all the way to India and Cho's house."

Daniel shook his head.  "People in that field of study realize people talk about what they're doing."  He stuffed his mouth.  "He took it with him, right?"

"Yup."

"Good."  He looked at Xander.  "None of it went to the girls?"

"I made sure none of it entered the slayer dorms," John Winchester said firmly.

"Any of what?" Mary asked.

"Demon porn," Xander told her.

"Eww!  Who wants to watch *that*!"

Connor looked at her.  "Some cases, you end up interrupting things," he told her.

"Double ick.  Disgusting," Anna complained, kicking him under the table.  Connor patted her on the head.  "Thanks.  You've really mellowed."

"It's lack of sleep thanks to the twins.  Thank you two for watching them with the unicorns.  We all needed the nap."

"My boys did the same to me many times," John assured him.  "Especially when Sammy had the flu.  Speaking of, Dean.  Where is your brother?"

"Buttcheek deep in a new book that got delivered," he reported.  "He mumbled at me when I said it was dinner time.  I'll bring him food and make him eat it later, Dad."

"Thank you.  Is this a new prophecy?"

"No idea.  It's in a language our beloved and evil overlord taught him."

Xander looked at him.  "I thought Daniel was our overlord."

"We're ISC, Wesley's ours," Dean pointed out.  "You serve two mean masters."

"Oh, yeah."  He finished up and belched, then said a quiet excuse me and wiped his mouth before getting up and taking the twins from Crissy.  "C'mon, you two.  Let's go watch Excel Saga.  It's mental crack but it's fun and brightly colored, so you'll like it."  He walked them off.

Crissy smiled at Dean.  "That's not a bad anime, right?"

"How would I know?  Not like I'm that geeky, Crissy."

"It's funny but mental crack," Anna called.  "I watch it all the time."

"Then that's fine then."  She finished eating more slowly.  It was nice when they had babysitters.  "Wes?"  He looked over from his reading.  "When are we testing her?"

"A few more months.  Six months is the last time the slayer spirit can enter the body.  Though, I don't believe she has the proper mole.  She has a birthmark but not a mole."  She relaxed and nodded, smiling at that.  "If so we'll support her like we have all the other girls."

"I know you will.  Thank you, Wesley."  He smiled and nodded, going back to his book.  She looked down at her sister slayer.  "Since I've got a sitter and we're basically off tonight, want to hit a club?" she mouthed.

"Yup.  Connor, night off stuff?"

He leered.  "I could like that.  Did you bring anything cute?"

"I can borrow if I didn't."

"Not like I can wear mine," Brenda said dryly, stuffing her mouth again.  "That black dress I have in the closet, for some reason since I don't remember buying it, should fit you."

"Thanks, Brenda."  They got up and went to find clubbing clothes.  That black dress was a sleeveless halter dress that was slinky and tight all the way down.  She definitely had shoes for that.  Crissy had something cute on as well.  Connor had changed shirts because he was a guy and said he didn't do cute.  He escorted them out and let her drive them down to the local club.  The bouncer gave them a long look.  "In from LA to the base," Morgan quipped.

"I remember you two," he said, letting them pay the cover and head out to the floor.  They'd behave with the military guys destressing there.  Slayers never caused them any problems.

***

Daniel knocked on Xander's door, getting him and one of the twins.  "You're still babysitting?"

"Yeah.  Crissy desperately needed a night free."  He sat down, looking at the other one.  "Want held?"  The baby cooed, kicked her feet, and wiggled some.  "We can hold you."  She didn't like that when he tried so that was fine he guessed.  He looked at Daniel.  "Problems?"

"Who was that guidance system originally from?"

"Someone Bauer got it from."

"I got that from him then.  What did you do to tweak it so it worked?"  Xander pointed at his laptop.  He got into the design files and found which toy it was.  It was nice he labeled each toy by toy #.  He copied down the notes onto his USB key then grinned.  "Jack and a few others wanted to look at it."

"That's fine.   As long as it doesn't go to the guys like the one who gave me away as a present."

"No, it won't go to them.  They have no need of something like that, Xander."  He patted him on the knee.  "Are you feeling all right?"

"It's not the Buhova taint, just my normal bad girl magnet ability," he quipped.

"If you're sure.  Jack's been talking you up to a few of his former fellow covert agents.  He said there's two fairly nice ones who wanted to meet you."

"That might be nice."

"Good."  He stood up.  "You okay with them tonight?"

"We've done good so far.  They can't roll off the couch."  Anya appeared.  "I'm hellion sitting for Crissy."

She stared at them then at him.  "Why did that one want you?  Many of the demons on our side said he'd be good with you."

"He blew in the gate, Anya."

"Oh."  She shrugged, sitting behind the baby to look at it.  "You're very small and you don't babble yet so I know you're not Xander's."

"No, she had him with some dirtbag that played with her before he ran off to get married."

"I heard about that.  I should've had the one who took my job go after him for her."  He kissed her.  "We can't do that in front of them, Xander.  They might remember."

"I'm not.  Just a kiss."  He took another one.  "Did they want anything else, Daniel?"

"No, not that they've said but I don't think they know more than what went into the patent office that time."  He left them alone.

Xander looked over as Cordelia phased in.  "Morning to you too.  Is it ex-girlfriend day on that side?"

"Don't you wish," she snorted with an evil looking smirk.

"Well, no.  The twins might get warped."

Cordelia looked at them.  "They're adorable little future hunters."  She looked at him.  "You good?"

He shrugged.  "A few bad nights but I'm usually okay."

"You sure?"

"Not if you're not."

She snorted, coming closer.  "Not what I was asking, Xander."

"I'm fine so far, Cordy.  Why?  The Powers want to talk?"

"Nope.  They still hate you."  He smirked at her.  She smacked him on the top of the head, making him yelp.  "There's other Powers."

"I know that.  We've been plagued by one already."

She stared at him then at Anya.

"The Fallen One Varcher wanted him as a general.  He made a wish to screw up his plans."

"Oh, good."  She nodded, looking at him.  "Vision from the wise: if it happens, and things will happen that will piss you off, you cannot lose it fully and turn into super retribution man."

Xander stared at her.  "Then I probably won't."

"Good!"  She smiled.  "Think you can hand off the tots?  It's a night when we can play on this side."

He stared at her.  "Huh?" he asked.

She faded out, going to find another slayer.  "Tiff, good.  Come take the twins so I can make Xander have a happier night," she ordered.

Tiff looked at her.  "I don't deal with babies!"

"So?"  She stared her down.  "Let Abby help.  It'll make her scientist hunney go gooey."

"Yeah, can't do that either.  They're busy alllll night long."  John walked in.  "She wants me to babysit the twins."

"Who is this?" he asked, staring at her.  "Beside being an ascended."

"Cordelia Chase, Messenger for the Powers That Be," she said smugly.  "Who rule over the slayers."

Tiff looked at him.  "She wanted to make Dean complain about the noise again."

"Well, I can't say as I know a lot about babies but I think maybe we can team up to do it."  Tiff sighed but went to get them.  He looked at her again.  "Don't hurt him."

"I have no intention of hurting him," she said with a catty smirk.

"Uh-huh.  Let me wake Abby up so we can tag-team babysit at her place."  He called over there.  "Xander's ex Cordelia showed up to make him noisy so we're getting the twins for a while.  You two done?  I know McKay hates kids but they all seem to like him.  What do I know about kids?"  He snickered.  "Sure, we can do that."  He hung up and went to meet Tiff outside, taking one of the kids for her since her arms were full.  "I'm glad they're not triplets."

"Me too.  Morgan too probably since she said the kids keep waking up during nookie."

John shook his head, walking off with her.  "I don't need those details about the other slayers."

"Do you think I can date?  You growled at my last one, John."

"He was a dirtbag who didn't like to bathe."

"I could've scrubbed him down.  Faith said that's fun when she and Dean get to scrub demon goo off each other."

He shot her a dirty look.  "If you find someone nice I won't growl at them."  He'd let Ronon do it.  They were excellent protective big brothers over her.

"It's not fair that even Brenda's had a guy and I haven't."

"She has?"

"After she got knocked up by the witches she wanted to see what it was all about."

"I guess that happens."

"After the prom.  Anna told me Digger pouted for days that so few of the girls could play with him now."

He gave her a dirty look.  "No casual sex, young lady.  Xander would have my ass in a sling."

"Dean's spank magazines say that can be fun."  She had to catch the baby before he dropped him.  "Hey!"

He finished choking, shaking his head.  He took the baby back.  "For that you can't date for at least an extra week."

"Fine.  Even if one of the boys in town hits on me?"

"We get to meet him."

"Yes, John."  They walked into Abby's building, finding House in the gym area.  "We won't keep you up."

He looked at her.  "If you're going to be that loud by having a team orgy, I'll put up a white noise generator," he said dryly, making Wilson choke from his treadmill.  "Especially if you all start to chant about physics and sex being the same thing like she does."  She held up the twin she was carrying.  "That's fine then.  I've heard worse than kids crying in frustration.  Cameron doing it comes to mind."

"She's gotten better since you left," Wilson told him.

"She'd have to.  Did she find a new victim to latch onto?"

"Is she the sort of bad girl Xander would like?" Tiff asked.

"No, she likes damaged ones.  She's got a saint complex."

"Pity.  Xander could use a girlfriend.  Even if his last two did show up tonight."  They took the elevator up to Abby's, finding the door cracked open.  She walked in and kissed Abby on the cheek, handing her the little girl.  "John said I could finally date!" she said happily.

"We'll make sure the next one who's interested bathes regularly," Rodney said dryly, looking at the twins.  "You're both very tiny."

"And a bit loud.  They keep breaking up Morgan and Connor during nookie according to her," Tiff said, sitting down next to Abby.  She was wearing a flimsy nightgown but they didn't mind.  It wasn't going to make Rodney growl possessively.  And if it did, well maybe Sam could do an exorcism of whatever animal spirit had possessed him.  Rodney did growl when Abby had to stop one of the twins from nursing.  Tiff looked at him.  "Xander makes that sound now and then after he got possessed by a hyena.  Did you get that problem?" she asked with a grin.

"No.  That might make me go insane like he is."

"I think some of that is from the hyena fighting with the mermaid taint," Abby said with a happy grin.  She cooed at the baby again, getting one back.  "You two are so adorable!" she said.  Someone knocked.  "We're up and dressed."  Gibbs walked in and paused.  "Crissy's twins."

He came to look at them.  "They're adorable.  Where's Mommy?"

"Club," John told him.

"As long as she didn't impose."

"Xander had them but two of his ex's showed up for some fun," Tiff said.  "Cordelia ordered me to watch them.  Which is so unfair.  It's not like they're mine and I know what to do with kids.  I don't even know how kids come to be beyond the clinical talk Carson gave me."

John stared at her.  "We can let Xander give you the same talk he gave to the other girls."

"No thanks.  I don't belong in Cleveland that way, John."

Ronon knocked then walked in, staring oddly at the children.  "Did you already spawn?  I thought that took months."

"We're watching them for the mother, Ronon.  It does take months, even with some of the stuff you guys get mixed up in on base."

"Good.  Otherwise I'd have to run."  He sat down, staring at the one in Tiff's arms.  "You're too young for one of those."

"I haven't even gotten to date yet!" she complained, glaring at him.

He smirked.  "Nor will you."

"John said I could," she shot back, sticking her tongue out at him.

"Then I'll challenge whoever wants you.  Unless they can beat us both, they cannot have you."

She sighed, rolling her eyes.  "Why me?  Gibbs, do the other girls have this problem?"

"Now and then," he said dryly, looking at Ronon.  "You're Buffy's new friend.  Jethro Gibbs, one of the watchers."

Ronon nodded.  "I have heard about you and how you managed to make the younger ones with her quit squealing at pink shirts.  It was very heroic."

"Some days, yeah it is," Tiff said dryly.  Gibbs swatted her.  "Hey!"

"That's where he learned it from," Ronon said, scowling at John.

"I learned it off Abby," he shot back with a smirk.

"I learned it off Gibbs," she agreed.  "We used to work together at NCIS doing the same thing for the Navy and Marines.  Of course, if the president hadn't poached Tony and then him poached me, I'd never have met my Rod.  I might be with some goth boy who likes heavy metal."

He growled lightly then shook it off at Tiff's amused look.  "I don't think you'd stay with them.  You said you were looking for beauty, brains to match yours, and something special that you hadn't found yet.  I seem to have at least two of those."

"You have all three," she said, taking a hard kiss.  "I don't like your self esteem drops, mister.  I will spank for that."  Rodney's eyes narrowed and he started to growl again.  Gibbs took the baby before she could pounce him.

Ronon took the smart path and picked them both up to drop them into her room then shut them in there.  They might not have noticed with how tangled together they were.  "So we don't have to watch."

"At least it'd be educational," Tiff quipped.  "Like watching priestesses and various women hit on John is."

"You have better taste than that," Ronon told her.

"Hey, I could have went and borrowed some of the demon porn Xander got given."

"Eww," John told her.  "Really!"

"Sorry."  She smiled at Gibbs.  "So, how's Cleveland doing?"

"Decent enough.  Wes wanted to talk to you about if you're going back or not.  If not, he's got to place you somewhere."

"If they go I'm going."

"I'll let him know."  He handed Ronon the other baby.  "Buffy would coo at that.  Sometimes her mind goes into girly places."  He left them alone.  He didn't want to blush at the noises Abby and Rodney were making but....

"Rod!" Abby squealed.

"Way to make us want an astrophysicist of our own," Tiff called.  The baby fussed so she paid more attention to him.  "What?  I can tease Rodney.  He needs it or he gets too serious and grumpy."

Rodney opened the door to look at her.  "If you want one that much, Radek's free and his mother wants grandchildren.  Otherwise, I'm subtly warping her toward the more hard sciences, thank you."  He shut the door again.

"Was he wearing a handcuff?" Ronon asked.  John nodded.  "Hmm, perhaps we should leave them to play science games then."  They packed up the babies and went to John's room in the temporary quarters.  It didn't have much but he and Tiff could sit on the bed with the twins.

Buffy saw Ronon out and came to check on him, smiling at the baby he was carrying.  "Aww, there's our favorite nephew," she cooed, tickling his stomach.  "I have no idea what you guys are for.  I hope I never will."

"Me either," Ronon said.  "I'm simply carrying him for Tiff."

She smiled.  "I can see that.  Why are you twin sitting?"

"They're destressing," John called.  He came to get the twin and let Ronon have his girlfriend back.  He came in and sat the baby near his sister on the bed.  Tiff was on his couch with the dvd already queued up.  "Buffy spotted Ronon being manly carrying the baby."

"Awww.  Let's hope they don't have an accident either."

"Abby having one would drive us all nuts," he agreed.

She pinched him on the arm.  "We'd have to have some so our kids could make his kids more normal."

"Xander said the same thing."

"His kids will be that geeky and will destroy the universe," she said dryly.  "Thankfully his sperm are still warped from the spell Rosenburg did to destroy them.  It'll be *years* before we have to deal with that problem in the making."

John pinched her back.  "He might work now."

"Nope.  He and House were talking about that.  He's still putting out swim team swimmers."

"Swim team swimmers?" he asked.

"You didn't hear about his swim team?"  She started the movie and told him that story during the opening montage.  John just shuddered and shook his head quickly to clear it.  "Exactly."

"Did that one demon that tainted him do that to him?  If so, I need some better life insurance."

"Why?"

"Because I remember running into one and beating the crap out of it to get away."

"That would explain why some of those evil chicks hit on you," she said dryly.

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking too."  He got comfortable.

"Well, there's no evidence that things like the swim team happen because of that.  That was just being a demon magnet on the hellmouth we think since Sammy gets into the same sort of weird shit and he's a demon magnet too."

"Good!"  He got up to make some microwave popcorn, handing her the first bag.  Otherwise she'd steal all of his.

***

Dean gave up on sleeping thanks to the noise, getting up and wandering toward the armory, muttering the whole way about Anya's noise levels.  He ran into one of the MP's and shrugged.  "Xander and Anya are too noisy."

"I saw your brother heading for your father's room, sir."

"That's fine.  Dad can spank him tomorrow.  Going to nap in the vault."  He went in there, curling up on top of the crates of spare bullets.

The MP watched as a few others evacuated to sleep in the squad room.  He was highly amused.  One guy could make that many people go sleep somewhere else?  He walked that way, hearing them from the ground.  He had his balcony door shut but he could still hear him.  "No wonder."  He went back to his patrol route, shaking his head.  He ran into Doctor Jackson.  "Sir, we've had some migrating personnel for naps."

He glared at the married building then at him.  "Xander and Anya too loud?"

"Agent Harris and someone, sir.  Winchester said something about Anya."

He sighed, going that way to protest.  He pounded on the door, blinking when a mostly corporeal Cordelia opened the door.  "Buy him a gag before others have to sleep on their desks."  He walked off shaking his head.  He didn't want to know about ascended beings and sex.  He didn't remember having any when he was one, but he still didn't have his full memories.  If so, he might have to freak out.  He didn't want to remember it if he had used Oma Dessala as a mental masturbation helper.

Cordelia shut the door and went back to having some fun.  She was allowed tonight.  "He said he's too loud, Anya.  Make him be more quiet."

"I can do that," she said happily.

***

Xander wandered into the infirmary the next morning, crawling onto his usual bed with a wince and a hiss.  House came over to stare at him.  "My exes are mean," he whispered hoarsely.

"I heard you got noisy," he teased.  "Anya?"

"And Cordelia."

"Isn't she a ghost?"

"Not last night," he said weakly.  "Can I die?"

"You go right ahead," he offered.  Xander passed out and his pulse rate did drop.  House put him on a monitor, started an IV, and left him there to sleep it off.  He went to find Daniel.  "We have proof those women are evil.  Xander can't talk, can't walk right, just passed out in front of me after complaining that they were mean, and his pulse had a sudden drop."

Daniel looked at him.  "Why?"

"I didn't ask that question.  Want me to have him write a report like the one after Vegas that was very informative?"

"If he wants to but I don't need one," he sighed, shaking his head.  "Will he be fit for duty later today?"

"Nope."  He gave him a smug look.  "I've got him on an IV drip."

"Wonderful.  Let me know when he can come back and if he caught something off them."

"I don't think he did.  I'll have Chase do a swab since the board likes them together so much."  He walked off humming.  Chase was down there checking him over.  "Make sure Anya and Cordelia didn't be too mean and give him something."

Chase gave him an odd look.  "I didn't know ghosts could have sex."

"Me either but apparently she's special."  Sam Winchester wandered in helped by Brenda.  "What happened to him?"

"Cordelia said Jess told her to pounce him.  It drove John out of his room and down to the couch in the common area."  She put him in the bed next to Xander's.  "What happened to him?"

"Anya and Cordelia.  Who has the twins?"

She gave him a hug.  "John and Tiff.  They're so adorable."  She went to help them with the twins of destruction.  She had to learn baby care somehow.

House checked Sam over.  "Let's start him on an IV drip too."  John Winchester stomped in, pouring salt around their beds.  "Will that work since she was strong enough to pounce them and wear them out?"

"Hopefully.  Then I'm going to start with paint and do some protection circles around the beds."

"Not like we'll mind," Chase told him.  "Just don't let us smudge them."  John smiled and nodded.  "Any idea why Sam was pounced?"

"Cordelia said that Jess was pissed he hadn't moved on so she hooked them up for a night, her words."  He finished the salt and walked off to find some paint and a brush.  The armory usually had those things.  "Jack, do you have any paint and a brush so I can do protections around the beds in the infirmary?"

"Did someone get possessed?  I noticed Xander wasn't at breakfast."

"Two of his exes jumped him and one jumped Sammy too."  Jack gave him the oddest look.  "Speaking of, have you seen Dean?  He hasn't appeared yet either."  Jack pointed in the vault.  John went to look, clearing his throat loudly.  Dean jumped up, looking around before looking at him.  "Xander's exes are very sharing.  Cordelia was mean to Sammy."

Dean blinked a few times.  "She's a ghost, Dad.  They can't do that.  You said so when Sammy nearly ended up with one as a girlfriend."

"Apparently she's special.  Your brother and Xander are both in the infirmary on IV drips thanks to her.  Get coffee and help me paint protections."  Dean nodded, going to find some coffee and smooth down his hair again.

Jack shook his head quickly once he was alone.  Yes, they were all insane, that's how they managed all the things they did weekly around here.  Every damn last one of them was insane.  Hopefully it wasn't going to spread to him too quickly.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Big Moves

Daniel looked over the report he had gotten from the DoD on their independent tests of some of the building trio's gear, smiling at the subtle begging.  He'd ignore them until they coughed up money.  He put it aside and went back to the other reports he had to pass on.  "Xander, why do I have a report on Dawn?" he called.

Fargo walked in, closing the door before looking at him.  "I told him but the other's don't know," he said quietly.  He sat down.  "I was going to check on her on my way to the college bookstore for a new book I'd been wanting.  She wasn't home but I saw a party a few buildings up so I thought I'd ask there.  It turns out she was there, had just defended herself against three boys and one behind the bar that had tried to drug her drink, and was pressing charges with the officers.

"She'd had a drink, and the second one she found floating pills, which she pulled out."  Daniel moaned.  "She snarled at them.  One of them told her she was going to be a party favor anyway.  She apparently proved she did learn quite a lot from Dean and Xander both.  That's why the police were already there.  She handed him the pills and her drink.  She was complaining about the guys.  I stepped in and offered to take her home."

"Please tell me she's not in jail for defending herself?" Daniel asked.

"No, the boys are not pressing charges and one has been expelled.  The problem is that when we got her home, and she was more than a bit tipsy from that single drink, we found her balcony door open and a few dead rats in her kitchen and hallway.  I went to get one of the officers since they were still there arresting the boys.  They found her bed had a heart-shape on it made up of dead rats.  The others had been a trail leading to it."  Daniel grimaced, shaking his head.

"She was nearly asleep on her futon by that time so I let her sleep while they called someone to clean it up for her.  That's their reports, both incidences, and the bloodwork I took for House since he wanted to know what alcohol did to witches when I called to ask his opinion on letting her sleep it off.  I did tell Xander when I got back that night.  He was not happy with her going to a party but John got him calmed down."

"Good.  Is she going to stay in school?"

"As far as we know, yes, but if she gets another rat present she might come running back while we figure out if it's demon related or just a mean frat prank."

Daniel sighed, rubbing his eyes.  "Okay, that's good to know.  Did it seem demonic?"

"I couldn't be sure.  The officer who came to check on the rats was told that her big brother was a federal agent.  Dawn had told him that while promising that Xander was going to kick those boys' around for quite a while."

"Yeah, I think it'd be a good show," Daniel said dryly.  "I remember guys like that in college."

"Me too," he agreed with a smirk.  "Anyway, we're not sure and it's best to have it on file in case something else happens."

"Did you get your book?"

"I did.  I left her with the responding officer while he was waiting on someone to do the CSI thing."

"Even better.  Thank you, Fargo."

"Not a problem.  I like Dawn.  She's a good girl like Zoe is."

Daniel smirked.  "If she's in that much trouble I'm going to let her go to Eureka to traumatize them into sending reports."

"I'll ask where they are."  He left the office, going back to his own to call out there.  "Doctor Blake, it's Fargo.  Daniel was wondering when the next set of reports was coming in.  Yes, they do tend to.  Because Abby has NID and Area 51 under her as well," he admitted.  She shuddered.  "Exactly, so they expect frequent updates, even if it's almost nothing.  Thank you.  I'm here, sure."  She hung up and he went to lean back in there.  "She said she understood after I told her about the other things Abby lorded over.  I told her even minor updates would be fine.  She'll fax over something later."

"That's fine with me, Fargo.  Thank you."

"Welcome."  He smiled and went back to work.  Xander walked in and dropped three reports on his desk.  "You haven't left the base."

"Yeah, I know.  Those are for the judge who's looking at some of the prisoners."  He shrugged.  "You might get one from Spenser too.  He's our profiler."

"That's fine, Xander.  Not like I do a lot anyway."  He smiled.  "Daniel has the report on what happened to Dawn."

"Even better.  The fact it was rats bothers me.  Rats have too many meanings."  He walked down to Daniel's office.  "Any new word from Dawn?  She's been avoiding talking to me because she said I was fussy."

"No, not yet.  Did you want to head up there to check on her?"

He smirked.  "I'm heading up with Buffy to hand over allowance and let her sister take her shopping."

"That'll probably work best with her," he agreed.  "Let me know if there's a new problem."

"I will.  Especially if it turns into a case."

"She's your sister, you can't investigate; that's a conflict of interest," he pointed out gently.

"I know.  But I can ask someone."  He grinned, heading back to his desk.  "Guys, if Dawn runs into problems at the school, who wants to investigate it?"

"I can," Stella offered.  "Has she already?"  He went to get the report, handing to her.  She grimaced as she read.  "I remember guys like that in college.  I kicked one's butt in gym for a few weeks."  She finished reading and put it on her desk.  "I'll look into it, make sure she's not having more problems."

"Thanks.  I'm driving Buffy up tonight for some sisterly shopping time."

"I'm sure they'll have a lot of fun," Calleigh said with a grin.  "Anything new for cases?  I saw you doing reports."

"For the judge."

"I've got to finish my last one for him too."  She got back to it.  "We haven't had a case in nearly a week."

Xander looked at her.  "Don't jinx us."

"I'm not trying to.  I'm wondering why."

"Summer slowdowns are nice," Ryan reminded her.  "But a week is odd."

Xander sighed and got online to look things up.  "Daniel?"  He came out of the office.  "Congress is questioning whether or not we're useful again."

Daniel read the report from the underground newspaper.  "That doesn't explain why we don't have cases.  Call someone in your contacts."  He printed it and went to call the senators mentioned.  And the president.  Well, maybe him first.  "Sir," he said when he answered the video call.

"Doctor Jackson.  Is there a huge problem coming?"

"I was about to ask you that, sir."  He faxed over the article.  The president was handed it a moment later and groaned.  "We haven't had cases in a week.  Were we canceled?"

"No.  I haven't seen anything with that."  He reread it then put it aside.  "Let me talk to the hidebound idiots.  Are you doing all right with the extra personnel?"

"They've been very helpful when someone tried to invade the base to steal Xander, sir.  He was on that board in Las Vegas of people who might date him and tried to cheat by blowing up our gate and guard house."

"I got a report from someone about how a new weapon you were testing solved that," he said dryly, giving him a pointed look.

"Xander's tinkering," he agreed.  "I've said that anything those three or Abby creates that's classified in the lab, beyond her forensics projects, the other agencies can ask politely and we'll see if they want to buy them, sir.  The same as they had to at the SGC," he said when the president opened his mouth.

"Good point, you did make them buy stuff from you if they wanted it."

"Yes we did and I'm keeping to that.  I know they were quite impressed with Xander's tinkering bout this time."

"Why is he building weapons suddenly?"

"That foreseen base assault this upcoming spring.  He wants to make sure we have enough of everything we might need for it."

"That's reasonable I guess, but a bit paranoid."

"Our arms master got him a few of them's plans."

"Even better.  I was hoping he hadn't been possessed by some weapons genius."

"Actually, the last possession during that halloween, the ones who inhabited Xander did build some weapons, sir.  They also built their own version of the robot that's Tara's reborn body.  They made one of Buffy Summers."  He groaned at that.  "Beyond that, yes, they could build anything they wanted."

"I've been avoiding building the stun and freeze ray," Xander said as he walked past the door.  "The judge and our prison people wanted a conference."

"I'll talk to them in a few, Xander.  Thank you."

"Welcome."  He went back to his desk.

Daniel looked at him.  "Some of it was quite nice.  Xander did test a new explosive device that saved us a lot of money demolishing that extra building that was ready to fall in."

"Smart ass," he said dryly.

"The rubble was small enough to pick up by hand, sir."

"Interesting."

"Jack's already claimed it."

"Of course he has.  I have every faith that he'll get into a situation where he needs it," he said dryly.  "Any other problems?"

"Not yet, sir.  As far as we know.  Have you heard of any?"

"No, I hadn't.  I'll check on that article.  You find out if this slowdown is a bad one."

"It could be.  I'm having Xander call around to check."

Tony stomped in and walked around to be seen.  "Sir, look out your west windows for me please?  One of Abby's friends called her and asked if that was a prank in response to that article.  I need to know what it is so we can tell the slayers."

He did that then moved the camera so he could see it.  "What is that?"

"I didn't know Fyarl got that large," Daniel said.

"Which means there's magic and it's probably that little bastard in Delaware again.  Xander, check on the little chaos twerp!  There's a congress sized Fyarl demon in DC.  It's presently humping the Washington Monument."

Xander came in to look then looked at him.  "He's magicless and Ethan said so.  Ethan was giggling madly about something though."

"If that's Ethan's doing I'm going to arrest him personally," Tony assured him.

"He's in China this week."

"Damn it.  Too far?"  Xander nodded.  "Anyone else?"

"No clue.  Ask Rosenburg and your former director since the prison guys warned me they were getting chummy?"

"Shit," he muttered, going to check on that.  "Guys, did we move Rosenburg out of the magically null area?" he asked as he walked into that office.

"We've been giving her things to suppress her magic, Agent DiNozzo."

"I don't think it's working."  He walked down there, glaring at the two women who were now in cells next to each other.  "If the Fyarl is yours, stop it, now."

"They don't believe," she told him.  "Jenny was right, it'll cause problems for the slayers and you guys.  We can't have that since we can't work to save everyone ourselves anymore."

"I don't care!" he shouted.  "It's humping national monuments!"

"Fine."  She muttered something and it went back down.  "There, better?"

"Much."  He pointed.  "Move her back to the magically null section," he said as he walked off.  He went back up to Daniel's office.  "Is it down?"

"Yes.  Thank you."

"They had her moved because they were giving her things to block her magic."

"Uh-huh."

"I ordered her moved back."

"Thank you," the president said, drinking some milk.  "Let me go tell them what happened."

"She said that they didn't believe and Sheppard told her how they'd cut the agency and go after the slayers for doing their jobs, sir.  That's why she did it.  Those are usually harmless, they shoot paralyzing snot out of their armpits and noses."

"That's disgusting," he decided.  He hung up, calling someone who was probably throwing a fit.  "The witch who did it is already in custody at DCIS.  Former Director Sheppard told her how you'd cut DCIS out of the budget and then go after the slayers if you didn't believe.  That was Rosenburg's version of show and tell."  He took another drink.  "No, she's still in the jail.  They moved her back to a magically null section.  Yes, that one.  Multiple charges but I'm not sure what.  She's got a good few years there, the same as Jenny Sheppard does."  He finished his milk and handed his guard the glass, getting a nod and him taking it back to the kitchen for him.

"Yup, that's why she did it.  You might warn the others.  By the way, saw the article about  going after DCIS.  Do you want to deal with those things and the next invasion or situation like in Georgia?  Exactly.  That's why the one made them.  Beyond that, I'd rather have all those agents and officers that give us such headaches out there together.  Where we don't have to see them every day.  Any other concerns, come to me personally and I'll talk to Jackson."  He hung up and took a tums.  Never enough calcium in his diet anyway.

His guard looked at him.  "Sir, the Fyarl was captured by DC Metro according to the person on communications.  They've called the house in Cleveland to see what they want to do with it since it appears to be slightly intelligent but not a speaking species."  The secretary came in with a fax.  "From Spenser Reid, sir, from their manual."  He let him see it.

He read it over then handed it back.  "Consider it like a frat prank, let the girls deal with it.  Do we have a slayer locally?"

"No, sir.  I can suggest that."

"I can suggest it faster."  He called Daniel back.  "When do we get a slayer of our own?"  He hung up again and went to  his next meeting.  The Japanese Foreign Minister had probably seen it all.  "Frat prank by a witch," he said in greeting when the man was making squeaky, horrified noises and pointing.  He checked, it wasn't back.  "Slayers's Council is taking care of the demon and handing it to DCIS if they need to charge it."

The man cleared his throat.  "DCIS?"

"Demon Criminal Investigative Services.  It's an investigative agency for federal level demon crimes.  Most major cities either have their own office or are planning on adding one within a year."

"The ones who were at the invasion with all those girls?"

"Yes."

"I wonder if other countries are setting up their own."

"Canada has.  Chicago has a strong liaison with them and when they set up theirs he passed back information to his superiors.  Just in time to stop a demon smuggling ring coming through the borders."

"I saw that series of busts on tv.  I should gather information on that."

"I can give you the liaison's name if you want.  He probably has the name of the one in Canada who set things up."

"I would enjoy that."  The president looked at his guard, who went to get it for him.  He smiled.  "I know we have slayers in Asia who have their own house."

"In upper India I'm told.  That way they can stay out of the most dangerous political areas.  They're to stay strictly out of politics and all that stuff."

"That's very reasonable.  They can't do their job if they're off spouting rhetoric for some political cause."  He sat down and went over the matter that he had wanted to talk about today.  By the end, he had the name and number of the person in Canada who had set up their local offices.  That way they could see if Japan needed her own.  Plus the names of the head of the office in Germany, France, and Egypt.

***

Daniel met with Sheppard, Jack, and McKay in his office this time.  "Anything new to report on Atlantis, guys?"

"GD has some ideas about possibly recharging.  They're going to test them this week," McKay said.

"Good.  Then what?"

"We're definitely moving it off the planet.  The Dadelus crew talked with Teyla and the Athosians.  They don't like that disease either but they realize they're immune when we're not.  They agreed it'd be safer since there's still wraith."

"Can we move the gate and keep the same address?" Jack asked.

"Yes, the address is to the gate itself, not to a physical location for the gate," Daniel assured him.  McKay nodded to back that up.  "How long would it take to move her?"

"If we can get the Zed PM's charged fully, it should take us a few weeks to move it into a new orbit and then find a good landing spot and land.  The translation matrix Charles Epps came up with was magnificent in finding us what we needed.  It can be flown and landed again as long as we have the power."

"Is there a good place for it?" Jack asked.

"If we're going with a redundant backup plan, the same planet that has Xander's temple is good.  It's shielded by an ion cloud just past the heliosphere so the wraith never go there.  It's got a second gate on the planet itself in case of emergencies plus however Xander manages to get up there, and others like Doctor Mallard."

"Their planet's fairly populous but not overcrowded, their water's drinkable, their atmosphere is good to breathe, and they have a good bit of herbs that are noted for healing purposes."

"Plus they like us.  We sent some of the ones healing there to rest when they got better sooner than the rest," John said.  "They offered it to Xander.  Their herbs did wonders for getting them back on their feet faster, sir."

"Good, I like that.  They won't mind?"

"We need to talk to them but Teyla hasn't went to do that yet.  She's doing that today."

"So we can see if we can move it then plan the move.  We'll need Caldwell's support?"

"It'll take a good six months to move things," McKay said.

"Which Dawn can't help with," Daniel added.  "She said that she can't hit a moving target."

Rodney nodded.  "Abby knows it'll take about six months."

"Good.  I didn't want to see her do more than pout.  And of course, if you two wanted to be married before then, we can arrange it."  Rodney nodded once but he was smiling.  "Will the others like that planet?"

"After that game, most of the bigger problems have stopped," John said.  "I'm going to see if Xander can get me up there tomorrow to talk to them with Teyla."

"Xander?" Daniel yelled.  He leaned in a minute later.  "Can you get John to your temple to talk to them about moving the city?"

"Sure."

"Teyla's going to be there tomorrow morning local time," he told him.

"I can help you go tonight."  He left again.

"That'll be handy," John agreed.  "We'd want to keep the city to itself but available in case of problems like we did before."

"That's a plan I like," Jack agreed.  "That way we don't interfere too much in the native populations."

Daniel nodded.  "Definitely a good idea.  He's never said anything about any threatening species but I know he said that there's at least one dragon up there from the game."

"We won't be bothering that," John said firmly, smiling slightly.  "Most of my guys are tired and want to be back to normal things."

"I can understand why.  Even we do sometimes, Sheppard," Daniel said with a smile of his own.  "Those days, Xander gets to go out on cases that make his reputation grow."

The others laughed.  "He does a bit too much of that," Jack agreed.  "So we can move it if we get the power.  It'll take about six months then resetting up time?"  They both nodded.  "So we'll need Caldwell there to ride shotgun and minimal support in the city itself during the move."

"Already worked on those plans," John said, handing them over.  "That's who we need on base to move it.  The rest can be in the ship or nearby.  That's medical, cooking, science core to help it move and fix anything that breaks during it.  Some limited fighters in case something tries to board, but I don't think anything can get through the shields.  We have sealed areas by the stuff McKay got into in case the shields fail for a few minutes.  That'll keep us breathing instead of in open space."

"Good."  He handed them to Daniel.  "So, six months of flying through space.  You'd be on weapons and navigation?"

"I can be."

"It looks like there's a flight plan for putting in gate coordinates," McKay offered.  "Input them and then do any final tinkering while the computer sets the path."

"Even better," Jack agreed.  "We have one project that's going to be doing space the usual way.  I'm going to have them liaison with you."

"That'd be fine," John agreed.  "We're newbies at this.  I'm sure they have more idea than we do, sir."

"Good."  He looked at McKay.  "If you want to do it, all your friends are here right now.   It may keep some of the moping down and if something should happen, at least she has that," he said quietly.

McKay nodded.  "We've both been thinking about it, even though neither of us are ready for more than what we have at the moment."

"You can pretend to date for years yet," Sheppard told him.  "This way if something happens, she can claim all your work and hide it."

"She already has it."

"If the military comes, being a fiancee isn't enough," Daniel told him.  "When I died the last time, they had my team come pack my things and there were people who wanted to go through it nearly as soon as they got done.  Even with Jack as executor of my estate, they said it wasn't legally enough.  With a spouse or someone legally responsible for it, they'd have to get a court order.  It'd still probably happen but it'd be a longer shot to give her some warning."

McKay nodded.  "That is reasonable."

"If you're not legally together, they can claim that she shouldn't have custody and there's a few paranoid generals who might put her in jail for having classified materials," Jack added.  "Not to put pressure on you but it's something to think about.  This is dangerous.  The same as going up there for the first year was."

McKay nodded.  "In that case, we'll talk about it tonight."

"Good," Daniel decided.  "Like I said, you guys are more than welcome to use the base."  He smiled.  "And we're not classified so your sister can come down."

"She might enjoy that," he admitted with a small smile.  "Anyway, back to the topic at hand."  Because he desperately wanted to change the topic away from him and Abby.   "We need to know if they can recharge the Zed PM's and how long it'll last for before we plan anything else.  Without it we're stuck.  I know the main problem they saw was a channel that would let power flow into it and finding the right sort of power to send into it.  They have a person who made some sort of theoretical bridge inside a stable wormhole that's not like the ones we use for traveling.  We're not totally sure how he did it and neither is he but it's self-containing so that may help the problems I had on Doranda greatly.  It may take a month or more to find both of those leftover needs."

"We understand that and it's not a problem having you guys here," Daniel promised.  "You're not making a lot of extra work for us and you guys have all stepped in wonderfully, outside of the botanists."

"They're going back to the main base," McKay said dryly.  "They can be of use there until we need them again."  Jack smirked at that.  "They got on even my nerves this time.  I don't care if that little shrub demon does stab me multiple times.  They need real work to do.  The xenobiologists as well.  A few have made themselves useful doing research into demon types, but the rest can go back to base.  Most of my personal team wants to stay?"

"Radek is a good scientist and he's been very helpful to Abby," Daniel assured him.

McKay nodded.  "Good.  I might offer a few to the other projects to go straighten them out."

"Kavanagh has *got* to go," Jack told him.  "I don't care where but he was complaining that the unicorns got to run around loose."

"Digger nearly horned him," John told him.  "Twice yesterday."

"Unicorn injuries from horns don't heal.  Something in the horn kills the cells until there's a huge hole that won't ever heal."

"With the way they wanted to horn him, I hope he's gay then," John said dryly.

"That could kill him but we'll warn him," Jack decided.

"He can gladly go somewhere his mediocre skills are more useful and nag them about unusual situations and solutions.  He did us often enough," McKay said.  "He's the sort that should go for an oversight job.  He'll tell Abby every little thing that goes on in the lab."

"Let him go to school to upgrade his skills," John offered.  He stretched out in his chair to pop his back then sat up again.  "It'll do the project good and if he messes up anything classified by spilling it, he's gone anyway."

"That's not a bad idea either," McKay agreed.  "I've got a few others who would like to go."

"We have agreements with a few universities," Jack promised.  "So it'll be probably nine, ten months before we're fully set back up and ready for the expedition to restart?"

"Yes," McKay and Sheppard said together.

"Plan for a year in case of it taking longer to land or GD to find something," John added.

"I can do that.  That'll give us time to get that next project started better and pick personnel for that.  Your teams would get first option with the other SG teams."  They all nodded at that.  "Okay, any other problem people?"

"I'd like most of the military guys to go back to a base," John said.  "This one is good, but they need military time.  I was fairly lax due to all the stress.  We're even more relaxed here.  Though most of them do not like how hard Dean is on PT, General."

"We can rotate out staff here for extra protection," he decided, looking at Daniel.  "Since we know that there's a huge problem coming later this year?"

"We're also planning on teaching MP's and other military personnel who want to learn more about demons so they can deal with ones who've enlisted," Daniel said.  "It'd be good for you guys because it'd help with xenobiology things later on if you had to recruit."

"It would and let us know who was an idiot before we recruited," Jack said.  "So, start with our senior staff who might have to deal with it and team leaders who're on downtime?  How long do we think it'll take?"

"Two weeks," John said.  "That's how we condensed the stuff we got from Sam Winchester and Thomas.  That gives us an overview, the most common ones we'll run into, some languages' common words to get minimal points across, a slight look into health issues that could come up since a few of them have to drink alcohol for their digestion to work properly, and a good, long lecture on how to figure things out if you run into one you're not sure about."

"Two weeks is reasonable," Jack decided.  "We can take team downtime that way and some of your guys can switch back with that.  For now, if we need to, we can put them on regular teams for a few months."

"That'd be fine.  I have some people I'd recommend for that.  A few are too nuts," he offered dryly, "but most of them can handle negotiations and those things.  I tried to put one person with tact on each team."

"Better than we managed then," Jack said dryly.  He looked at Daniel.  "That good with you guys?"

"That's fine with us.  Is that area finally fixed?"

"Yes.  As of last week the last of it got fixed."

"Good.  Then we can do that."  They nodded.  "Make lists of who's going where, which scientists want to work as opposed to going for some classes, and the soldiers should have the same opportunity."

"I'm all for that, especially in things that could help, like language degrees or classes that will help in survival."

"Cooking," John said bluntly.  "They all need cooking lessons."  Daniel snickered.  "They do."  He stood up.  "I'll pull my guys together this afternoon to go over that stuff."  McKay nodded he would as well and they walked out.

Jack smiled.  "It's like looking at a younger, more sarcastic us some days."

"Atlantis would've driven me nuts," Daniel told him.

"Me too.  You sure you won't send Xander there?"

"Sheppard said he'd quit."

"Never mind.  Caldwell would quit within a week too."  He got up.  "Have fun doing paperwork."

"Not too much to do.  Passing out reports."  Jack walked off shaking his head.  "That's why I have Fargo," he reminded himself.  So he could do crossword puzzles in the other languages he knew.   He had to order some more soon he reminded himself.

***

John Sheppard looked around the gathered military personnel.  "Ronon, Tiff, we're doing our team separately."  They nodded and left them to their talk.  "People, we have a small update to our situation."  They quit talking and looked at him.  "As of right now, we are waiting on word to see if a project down here can recharge the ZPM's we have or make new ones."  That got a few slow nods.  "We will know within a month.  If they can, we're talking about moving the city.  Until then, we have some time to make some decisions.  Right now, there are three options open to all military staff.

"You can either go back to the main base, where you have the opportunity to sign up for the newest projects or join a team that's going with the old project.  You have the right to stay here and take more training from the Winchesters if you want to leave the service some day and become a watcher or you think it could be of use, which some of it probably can be, or you have the option of going to school and taking some classes.  I will tell you the outside estimate for us restarting our project is about a year.  Earliest is about eight months.  It'll take six of that to simply move the city."

One woman raised her hand.  "So we can go back to the SGC and join a team, train as watchers here to see if it can help us with our usual jobs, or go to school?"

"Basically, yes.  Unless you need to opt in again, then you need to let us know fairly soon so we can gather all the necessary paperwork."  She nodded at that.  "We will know within a month whether or not it can be recharged.  If not, then we're not sure what's going to happen.  We're going on the assumption they can be and we can move the city.  I'm going to hit that one place with the temple later on to talk to them about moving the city there.  They're fairly advanced, in an area the wraith haven't hit that often, and seem fairly nice as neighbors."

"How long do we have to decide, sir?" one asked.

"Give it a week or so.  If we find out we can't move the city then we'll be letting you choose joining the regular SGC or their newest two projects, or going back to the regular military if you're not due to opt out."  They all nodded at that.  "So those are your choices."

"Why is your team talking separately?" one asked.

"Because Ronon doesn't really have the same choices you guys do, or Tiff."  That got a few smiles.  "Also, Teyla's not sure if she'll move with us if we do move.  Her people are there and they're all immune to that virus."  He smiled.  "I can tell you that the science corps are being given the same choices.  Some of them are going back to base so they have something to do again.  Their skills can be of use there.  If not, perhaps Abby will move them to do some research at one of the other areas she lords over."

"McKay?" one asked.  "I don't want to be trapped on a base with him again like we were before we went to Atlantis, sir.  Base lockdowns made him edgy and bouncy, plus pissed as hell."

"That's his choice.  For right now he'll be bouncing back and forth between there and here.  He can do research here and help Abby with some of the projects she's got to use a whip on at Area 51 and NID's labs.  As a matter of fact, he's nominated a few of the scientists to help with that problem so they can do a six-month butt chewing check as she put it."  A few of the guys smiled at that.  "Give us an answer within a week.  If you want to talk about the new projects, find General O'Neill wherever he's hiding and ask him.  Any other questions?"

"Sir, which one are you going to do?"

"I'm not sure yet.  I might decide to do some education stuff or I might stay here and learn some more from the Winchesters.  That may depend on what my team wants since there's the problem of Ronon not being native."  That one nodded at that.  "You'll know where I am.  Don't worry about that."

"The docs?" someone asked.

"Open to research, training, or education as well."

"Carson will be happy if he can visit his mom again," one woman said.

"Probably, yeah.  I know he's at home right now."  He smiled.  "Go think, let me know by Thursday."  They left.  He went to talk to his team, who were having lunch.  He seat down next to Ronon.  "It's going to be up to a year before we can get back.  Six months of that may be moving the city."  Ronon moaned, shaking his head.  "There's a few options open, Ronon, including letting you hit the regular base and going on some of their away missions, staying here, or bringing you to Xander's temple for a while.  That's where we want to move the city if we can.  We'll know that in about a month."  He looked at Tiff.  "The options of education, going to another team on the regular base, or finding a spot in a slayer house down here for the year is open to you as well."

"A year?"

"If we can fly it and land it, it'll be six months of that."

"Damn."  She ate a bite of lunch.  "Ronon, do you have any decisions?"

"I'm not ready to be domesticated like some farm animal or McKay is," he admitted.

"Buffy wouldn't expect it of you, just some visits," Tiff assured him.  "Even if she pouts, she's not real used to having someone *there* all the time to talk to.  She could use it but she's not used to it.  She might even offer to join the project if you two do get serious."

He shook his head.  "She'd hate that.  People watch us so much because we're from there.  It'd be worse than what she gets from you other girls."

"I know that.  I had that revelation a few times over the last year and a bit."  She looked at John.  "Are you going to an away team?"

"I'm not sure yet.  I might hit a college or I might stay here and help out plus learn more from Sam.  I seem to do okay being a watcher."  He looked at her.  "Did we tell you that the wish through the scythe changed things?"  She gave him a confused look, shaking her head slowly.  "You know how you aged out before at twenty-three?  All those older girls got called later in that one event?"  She nodded at that.  "Well, now you have the choice to keep it, that's what that event was.  They're also saying that some of the girls are more than welcome to take Watcher training for the later girls.  Because no one else knows how hard it is."

She considered that.  "That's not a bad thing.  Maybe.  I'm not sure I'm ready for that thought yet.  I'm only eighteen."  She stuffed her mouth again.  "I'd have to finish high school."

"We gave Xander your transcripts and tests.  He's working on that to see where you're at academically this week."  He texted him.

Xander walked in with an envelope, giving her a hug and a kiss on the head.  "We're very proud of you."  He handed it over.  "Nearest college is a few hours away; Dawn's there.  Watch out for stupid boys like the ones who tried to drug her by dropping actual pills into her drink the other night."  He smiled.  "You did good and we're proud.  Let us know what you want to do while you're waiting for your thing to go back up since you wanted to stay."

"I could really join one of the other houses?"

"Vienna has an opening due to an aging out girl.  Cho has one at hers.  Vienna may be changing.  Gwen and Brigit like being slayer SWAT and roaming more than being in one spot.   So maybe some more openings there.  Cleveland has an open spot.  We've got open beds here too."  He looked at her.  "Talk to Wes.  He keeps that list.   He's also the guy you go to when you want to hit college for a few months or so."  He smiled.  "Which I think you can do.  If you could put up with Rodney teaching you Canadian English, you can handle a college."  He tweaked her hair with a wink.  "Figure it out and let us know."

"Wow."

"Very."  He smiled at John.  "It'll go.  We can cover for Ronon if we have to too.  He's close enough to one of us that it's not a problem.  The old Council had things to help with immigration and getting papers for the girls that had to be..." he coughed, "rescued for their own good."  He left them alone.

John looked at Ronon.  "See, an option."

"I would still feel like a farm beast sometimes."

"We could use someone who can spar with us when we're going all out," Tiff pointed out.  "And someone to drill the kids beyond Dean because he has to deal with some actual kids soon."  She opened the envelope, looking inside then sliding the heavy, card-looking, stiff paper folder out.  She opened it and stared.  "Oh, my god.  I sound like Dawn," she said with a grimace.

John snickered but took it to look at.  "Honors," he said with a smile.  "I'm very proud.  You've come a long way since your snap."

"I have," she said, looking at it.  She carefully put it back then went back to eating.   "I don't know what I want."

"Talk to Wes," John said.  "Even if I'm at some college nearer to home, you can do whatever you want and I'll keep in touch."

"I'd rather have someone there who can calm me down when I want to smack the spoiled little freshman brats like tried to drug Dawn apparently.  Would that bother you?"

"No, not in the least.  I'd need that same help."  She smirked at him. "I was never one of the spoiled kids.  Some of them annoy me when we're on the same sidewalk.  Being in class with them would mean I left all the weapons here."

Ronon snickered.  "You are trained to kill them anyway."

"Don't remind me."  He looked at her.  "Talk to Wes first then we'll see.  There's also correspondence classes so you can take them away from the college.  Since you're a civilian contractor you might be able to use ours."

"That might be nice."  She finished her lunch and stole Ronon's bread.  He scowled but she nibbled anyway.  She was probably the only one he wouldn't smack around for that but hey, she was like his little sister.  That's why she couldn't get a boyfriend.  "Ronon, would going around that planet be good for you for a few months if you didn't stay down here?"

"Time runs faster there," he pointed out.

"I remember that from the last trip," John agreed.  "This could all be a moot point if we can't recharge the ZPM's but we've got to make plans in case."

Ronon nodded.  "I would not mind staying down here but I could not be tied down that way."

"Cleveland's a small city," Tiff told him.  "The regular base has away teams; you could go threaten whole new races of people and smart off that they aren't as scary as a wraith."

"Talk to Jack O'Neill, Ronon.  He had Teal'c on his team for years.  He's used to handling that issue."

"I can do that later today.  She will pout, won't she," he asked with a grimace.

"Not as long as you visit now and then," Tiff offered.

"That is more reasonable to me.  I'm not ready to be put on a lead line."  He got up and went to find the general.

"I'll talk to Buffy later," she assured John quietly.  "McKay?"

"Talking with Abby but he can do research here and bounce back and forth if we need him, plus some of his favorite geeks are going to be helping her with checking over the projects under her for now."

"Radek would like that."

"Probably, yeah.  A few are *definitely* going back to base though."

"Maybe the botanists can go find screwable plants somewhere else so they can bring some with them when we go back," she snarked back.

He laughed.  "Possibly, or breed some in the greenhouses."  She smirked and he shook his head.  "So evil," he laughed.

"Now and then.  That's what PMS is for.  Speaking of, Buffy's got it too.  I know she pouted at him last night and he didn't understand."

"I'll talk to him about girl moments later.  I don't think the women in Pegasus have those."  He finished up and went to talk to Ronon.

Tiff took her precious envelope with her to wherever Buffy was.  She found her rewatching the sparring match with her, Faith, and Ronon, so sat beside her.  "Hey."

She glanced at her, pausing the DVD.  "Good news from the family?"

"My diploma," she said quietly.  Buffy smiled and gave her a hug.  "Thanks.  Xander turned in what Rodney taught me for credits."

"It's good for all of us.  You've come a long way, Tiff.  I'm proud you're one of the slayers."

Tiff grinned.  "Thanks, Buffy.  But I came to talk about other stuff."  Buffy nodded, making 'go on' hand motions.  "You know that we're due to go back sometime, right?"

"Yeah," she said slowly.  "Is it soon?  I don't want to see clingy or anything.  I know you don't tie a man like that down unless he asks."

"It's not *real* soon but we're making plans right now.  He might be going back up there for now to make sure the site we want to move the city to will work for us.  Or he might be going back to the main base so he has something to do for the next year.  By the way, John's talking to him about PMS since you confused him last night."

"Oops, didn't mean to."  She shifted.  "Year?"

"Year."

"That's a long time."

"Yup, and I know you don't want to be clingy and he wouldn't do more than get upset if you pouted at him, mostly because he'd think you're pissed."

"I'm not like that anymore.  Being clingy is high school romance, not later romance."

Tiff smiled.  "Good.  So he's deciding and I told him you'd probably be okay with it if he could visit now and then?"

Buffy blushed.  "He's really heady when he's so close all the time.  I want to sit and sniff him all day long to get high.  Damn if they could bottle that scent women would swoon."

Tiff laughed.  "Yeah, now and then but sometimes he doesn't get a bath for a week either."

"Eww.  I've had those weeks though.  Apocalypses come to mind."  She pushed her hair back off her cheeks.  "I'd be more than happy if he would want to visit now and then."

"Then I'll make sure he knows that."

"I can do that."

"He's with General Jack."

"That's cool."  She got up and walked to the main building, going down to Jack's office.  She heard him down there and walked in, giving him a short hug.  "I'm not going to pout, get clingy, or anything like that.  I wouldn't mind if you wanted to visit every now and then for some fun or stress relief, but I'm not saran wrap girl.  That's very high school and I matured past that.  So you do whatever you want and let me know when you want to have some fun or spar again."  She smiled at Jack.

"And I won't offer to come up.  It's a lot more pressure having everyone in the universe expecting you to be perfect than it is having about a hundred-thirty slayers looking at you the same way."  She kissed Ronon, making him moan.  She winked.  "Whenever you want it, you'll let me know.  Men like you only get tied down when they ask you nicely."  She walked off, feeling good about that decision.  It was mature of her.  Her mother would like it too.

Jack smiled at him.  "If you're on base, you'd get downtime to go to Cleveland."

"She's like the liquor that you drink to forget.  It makes you feel very good at the time, goes to your head and other parts, then leaves you gasping for more or saved in the morning."

"My wife was the same way when we were first together," he assured him.  "That's between you two.  You're probably the most normal and the best guy she's dated."

"And she can beat me.  That's very good," he told him.

"So the normal teams and if we need you to scout a location for the city, you can be sent?"

"I would like that," he decided.  "How much danger is there and do I get more weapons?"

"Depends on where you are and who you piss off, Ronon," he said with a grin.  "We seem to do it a lot.  I can even put you on Cam Mitchell's team.  He took over for me when I hit the desk job.  He's working with Teal'c now so you'll have a fellow alien on your team."

"I might like that."

"Teal'c a hell of a warrior too."

"I would definitely enjoy having more strong warriors around to spar with.  Otherwise I'll get out of practice."

"Good.  I'll talk to Cam tonight."

"That girl thing Sheppard told me about?"

"She might be having it now, or it might be coming, not real sure.  If so, use a condom.  That way you can still have sex but won't get nasty."  Ronon nodded, going to talk to his girlfriend about that.  Jack leaned back, calling his old base.  "Ernie, Jack O'Neill.  I have someone for Mitchell's team.  Ronon Dex.  Yes, from there.  A year probably at the outside as long as we can recharge the ZPM's.  Yup, hell of a warrior, dating a slayer, wants to spar with Teal'c soon.  Likes weapons and trouble if he gets into it."  He smirked.  "Exactly.  He'll fit in very well with SG-1.  I'm here, send him over when he gets back."  He hung up and looked over the openings they had.  Yeah, they had plenty of room for the botanists that were causing problems.  They might not have room for McKay's ego but Abby seemed to be able to let him research in a corner of her lab for now.

***

Rodney walked into the lab.  "We should talk," he said in her ear, getting a long stare.  "We should."

She finished up what she was doing and took him to her not-often-used office, closing them inside.  "What's up?"

"A few things."  He sat down, pulling her into his lap.  Doing so seemed to send his mind into overdrive.  "We'll know in a month if we can do anything other than evacuate the city."  She nodded, giving him a hug.  "Not what we needed to talk about."  He looked at her, then kissed her.  "It'll be six months to move it if we can."

"I know.  You told me that."

"There were also some other topics pointed out.  Including whether or not I'd be going.  I need to so the city gets fixed if something happens in the middle of the trip."

"Of course you do and I'm not selfish.  You need to do your job like I need to do mine.  We're pulled to it."

He smiled.  "I'm a very lucky man that you understand me, Abigail."  He took another kiss.  "It was pointed out that the trip may be a bit dangerous and that some people would try to bother you if I should die because you'd have my full research files."

She snorted, waving a hand.  "I'll sic Xander on them.  Or Tony."

"There are some generals who might want to take it farther, all the way to saying you had inappropriate custody of classified materials," he said gently, for him.

She smirked.  "So they're pushing you to buy me a ring?"

"Yes they were.  That would solve that problem and let you deal with issues for me while I'm up there again."  He took another kiss, stroking her back.  "I've got to talk to the science corps later on as well."

"We can do that."

He smiled.  "Thank you.  Most of them are not staying here."

"You know I don't mind Radek and the one that won't talk to me because she's scared of me."

"Good."  He smiled.  "They can go check up on the other projects for you as well.  That will save you some aggravation."

"I'm sure Radek could swear very well at them for me if they're doing bad things."

He nodded.  "He does at me when he thinks I am."  He took another kiss.  "I will leave this up to you."

She played with the buttons on his shirt.  "I wanted to add an idea to the table."

"Yours are usually just as brilliant as mine are."  She pinched him on the nipple, making him hiss and tighten up.  "Abigail, not in the labs.  They're still giving me funny looks from the last time we broke in the changing area."

She smirked.  "They expected me to be noisy like Xander and we weren't."  She took another kiss.  "Would you maybe think about storing some sperm?  In case of radiation exposure or something happening that's really horrible and will make me go kill a galaxy in revenge?"

He considered it.  "I can see doing that.  Though I wouldn't want it used without my authority unless I'm gone and you want to carry that piece of me then."

"That's what I was thinking."  She teased his chest.  "Now if you got forensics more and I got more into the harder physics, we could almost be psychic twins."

He poked her on the side away from him making her wiggle because he had hit a ticklish spot.  "That would be too scary and we might really destroy both galaxies."  She giggled, giving him a hug and another kiss.  "I can definitely store some in case of emergency heirs being needed.  Do you have a way to do that?"

"I know a local doctor who specializes in it.  We can talk to him."

"A commercial firm wouldn't sell them off," he agreed.  "I can accept that."  She squealed and hugged him.  He gave her a cuddle.  "Would you like to...."  He trailed off.  "I'm pathetic, I can't even ask properly."  He put her onto the desk and stared into her eyes.  "Would you consider joining minds with me, Abigail?  Becoming my one, only, and ethical muse?"

She smiled.  "I could like being a muse for you to get more brilliant ideas."  He beamed.  She crawled back into his lap.  "This means I've got to invite my parents and you've got to invite your sister."

"Or we could elope, go meet both sets on a short vacation trip," he offered.  "That way they can pout but no one can say much of anything beyond the fact that I'm a bit possessive."  He patted her.  "Are we not wearing panties?" he asked.

"You ripped my last set," she reminded him.  "I haven't been to the mall yet."

He stared at her.  "How naughty you are," he teased.

"I'm very naughty.  I could be more naughty by wearing a skirt but I tried to be good this morning."  He purred in her ear, cuddling her closer.  "Want to help me go panty shopping?"

"I much prefer the effect than seeing all the choices that might make me go blind."  She laughed, poking him again.  He poked her back.  "Radek!" he called, spotting him trying to hurry off.  He was muttering when he opened the door.  "Three things.  Meeting with the science corps later on.  Ours, not her lab's people.  Secondly, you're staying even if they aren't.  That way you can help us with research here and have the peace and quiet plus help her look over the various imbeciles trying to hide their dark deeds at Area 51 and the NID labs."  He looked at her, getting a smile and a nod.  "Third thing, we're going to Las Vegas this weekend.  You, Sheppard, Tiff, Ronon.  That's all that's going with us.  It's a secret, we do not tell anyone.  We'll be going on vacation afterward to visit our families and let them know."

"It's about time," he told Abby.  "It is good you beat manners into him now and then.  It shows in the way he summons us so sweetly."  He looked at him.  "Who else is staying?"

"You, Midori.  Kelly if you have to."  That got a nod.  "The botanists have no choice, they're going back to the SGC base.  Any other annoying ones or who won't keep the secret.  Anyone else has the choice of going back there or going to college.  We'll know in a month but it'll be eight months to a year before we get back.  Some of us will be recalled sooner because we'll hopefully be moving the city so I'll need people who can do that with me if something should break in the middle of it."

Radek nodded.  "I can understand that.  What does one wear to Las Vegas?"

"Clothes," Abby said.  "Though I'm told there's a few clothing optional resorts."

Radek shook his head.  "I'm a modest boy unless I am very drunk.  Should I tell Sheppard and the squealy one?"

"We can do that," Abby promised.  She smiled.  "You and Midori are more than welcome to stay, Radek.  I like you and you're good scientists.  The ones who want to breed vagina plants, not so much."

He laughed.  "True, they are trying.  I'm not so sure one didn't try to molest little George to give him extra fertilizer for growth."

"Did House find poisoned darts there on him too?" Rodney asked.  Radek smirked and nodded.  "No, he can go to the General then go back to base.  Make sure any annoying ones are going back."

"I will gather them and tell them.  The Marines?"

"Have the same options of going back to base, education, or staying here for extra watcher training that could lead to later help in xenobiology issues."

"With what we have seen, demons are nearly nothing," he decided.  "I'll tell them."  He left, making sure her office door was closed behind him.  "Midori, we must talk.  Then the rest of us must talk."  He led her to an unused room to tell her the good news.  She didn't like the botanists either

***

Jack O'Neill walked into the infirmary.  "How many of the botanists have been stuck by George, Chase?"

"Four since you got here.  Two only on their hands."

"I heard one was trying to molest him?"

"That's one plausible reason we found stickers on his penis," House said from his office.  "Unless he decided to commit suicide by poking himself and then suddenly wizened up about them being poisonous."

"The other one?  And I'll want names," Jack told Chase.  Chase pulled them up in the files.  He took them to look at, grimacing at one.  "Did he sit on George?"

"Not real sure," Chase admitted. "Sheppard got snuck up on."

"Hmm.  We'll be talking to them.  They're going back to the main base."

"Watch your greenhouses in case they find something new to play with," House called.

Jack walked out snickering, going to find those four scientists.  The two with hand injures he could see.  The other two... might need to see a shrink.  They had some semi-decent ones on the SGC base who were used to weird scientists.  He ran into Daniel, handing them over.

"So, he tried to have George screw him instead of the one who tried to screw George?"  He handed them back.  "We'll see if we can recruit you better scientists, Jack.  Before someone somewhere thinks we're all like that.  Then we'd have to send Tony, Dean, and Xander to scare them instead."

"Why Tony?"

"To hold Xander down to minimal scaring tactics."  Jack walked off snickering.  He found Fargo going over forms at the picnic table over lunch.  "Fargo, there's not enough work in this whole base to make you not take a lunch."

"I'm only proofreading for someone."  He handed them over.  "Vacation requests."

He looked at them.  "That's a good sign.  They're going to talk to their families."  He took Fargo's pen and signed off on it.  "Make sure I get a copy and they get one."  He smiled.  "Eat.  You're too skinny and Deputy Lupo tried to threaten me if you lost weight."

"If he doesn't eat, he can escort Philip back to GD with all his new pornography," Wesley offered from his seat.

"Almost no one in Eureka would care about him having it as long as he wasn't showing it to kids."  Fargo finished his lunch and got seconds.  He didn't want Jo to beat up his new boss if he lost weight.  She could be mean when she wanted to.

***

Tiff walked into the lab, holding up her diploma.  She had been carrying it around all afternoon.  Abby squealed, pouncing her for a hug.  "I'm so proud of you!" she squealed.

Rodney came out of the changing area.  "Are we squealing over a new mouse?"

Tiff bopped him on the arm, letting him see it.  "I got honors because you woke me up at two to take some of the tests," she teased.

He smiled.  "Good job."  He handed it back.  "Excellent work.  Now comes college."

"I'd smite freshmen like they were vampires."

He gave her a pointed look.  "Tough."

"Fine.  John and I have been talking about this since Ronon's going to SG-1 for now."

"With the trouble they get into, he'll have a lot of fun getting into brawls and things."  Abby pinched him on the arm.  "They do!"

"Who's Anise?  I heard Jack saying John suggested they set Xander up with her."

Rodney started to choke and splutter.

"I think he just said the universe will end," Abby said, trying to get him calmed down.  He nodded frantically.  "Tiff, call House?"  He shook his head.  He might be a slight hypochondriac but he hated dealing with House - having to deal with House as a doctor almost made him healthier all on its own.  He had even started to eat better so House wouldn't have to see him about his blood pressure, cholesterol, or any other routine thing.  House came up anyway and gave him some oxygen.  "Thank you, House."

"Did you break baby news?  Because if you did, I bet wrong."

"No!  Tiff just suggested a very bad evil girl for Xander to date.  It'd mean the universe would end without an explosion."

"Bauer's trying to get some of his former coworkers to date him instead," House told her.  "Have I seen you for a checkup yet?" he asked Tiff.

"I went to hit on Chase during it," she said with a happy smile.  "He blushes very well.  How does he feel about virgins?"

"He thinks all you girls are tragically too young for him," he quipped dryly.

"Damn.  I've got to find me a man.  Help, Abby?"

"I don't know too many who'd like someone your age, Tiff.  But I'll ask around."

Rodney moved his oxygen mask.  "Only if Sheppard and Ronon get to threaten him.  They said so."  He put it back.

"They're being overprotective man boobs," Tiff agreed dryly.

Abby gave her a short hug.  "I'm sure you'll find a nice boy who'll growl back at them sometime.  Maybe even another guy like Ronon?"

"Maybe.  Though he's very big.  And tall too.  Buffy said he's very strong too.  She nearly had to use slayer healing to sit last week."  She walked off thinking about it.  "Ronon?" she asked when she ran into him.  "Are there other runners out there?"

"I would assume so.  Why?"

"Think any of them would like a slayer girlfriend?"

He stared at her.  "They're not worthy of you.  You might as well give up that goal."

"It'll be better than hitting on a frat boy if I go to college."

He growled, eyes narrowing.  "You will not be doing that.  You have more sense than that."

She spotted Buffy.  "Won't frat boys hit on me?"

"All the time," she sighed, shaking her head.  "One got me for panty points once.  Be careful if they do.  You don't want to go caveslayer on the beer they'll feed you."

Tiff shrugged.  "I don't mind beer.  I just want a guy."

Buffy shrugged.  "Can't help you there unless you want to go hit on Angel?"

"Eww."

"He's not bad."

"Still eww.  No!"  She walked off shaking her head at that mental image.

"Should she get boys like that we'll have to go beat them."

"All girls flirt and find someone to play with at college, Ronon.  It's a girl thing to do."

He stared at her.  "No, not that one."

She smiled.  "You make a very good big brother.  You even growl like Xander.  Were you possessed too?"

He gave her a dirty look.  "Not that I know of but I am learning how to use his axe."

She giggled and poked him on the stomach.  "You'd look even hotter than he does with it I'm sure.  Maybe for the next apocalypse he'll let you borrow it."  She walked him off to take his mind off of Tiff dating.  "I'm going to the club in town tonight.  Want to make sure I don't look too slutty?"

He stared at her.  "I know nothing about clothes.  I have three outfits."

"I know.  I'm trying to decide between that gray skirt that made you swear and growl or the blue one that made you just growl."

"Both are much too short."

She smirked.  "I can't wear pants.  No one will dance with me.  Unless you want to check out human clubs?"

"I might not mind for a while."  She winked and went up to find real clothes.  John Winchester walked past him, handing him a bag.  "What's this?"

"Clean clothes, Ronon.  Stuff she'll drool on you in.  It'll help when you want to drag her out of teasing in the club.  Faith picked it out for you."

"She'll be teasing?"

"All the girls do.  They learned it from her."  He smirked at the new snarl of sound as Ronon went up there to change their plans for the night.  Buffy yelped and then squealed so apparently it was good for her too.  John went to get a snack and then to find Brenda.  He hadn't seen her most of the day.  He found her curled up on her bed and tucked her in. She needed a nap.  Little Mary needed her rest to drive them nuts later.

***

Xander wandered into the new headquarters of Angel's office, looking at him.  "I got told to come check on LA since no one's reported anything for over a week," he told Gunn.

"We haven't been quite that slow but only a few vampires," he said, frowning.  "Is it a problem?"

"Unusual.  People are worried that there's a higher being who's planning something and the slow down is part of that."

"Not as far as we've heard.  Why come to LA and not Cleveland?"

"Cleveland barely has any problems.  It's too new.  Even the chaos sorcerers aren't using it yet."

"Huh."  He shrugged.  "Nothing's going on out here.  You can tell Connor we did get all the demonic bugs though."

"He and Morgan have been making the slayer dorm loud along with Buffy and her new semi-boyfriend and Faith and Dean."

"Really?" he asked.

"Cordy showed up to get one of the other slayers to watch the twins when I had them so Crissy could get some sleep too."

"She showed up?" he asked.

"Yeah, decided it was spirit playing day or something.  She and Anya both showed up."  Gunn gave him a look then looked in the cabinet he was leaning next to, coming up with a bottle of water.  "House had John Winchester bless the IV I ended up on the next morning.  But thanks."  He grinned.   Gunn splashed him anyway.  "I could probably use it."  He shrugged, looking at Angel as he came down the stairs.  "Insomnia looked better on Spike."

Angel looked at him.  "Why are you here?  Nothing's going on."

"That's why I'm here.  We haven't had a report in over a week.  Daniel wanted me to check the local sources to see if there's a plot behind this vacation everyone seems to be having."

"Not that I've heard but I can ask around for you.  Did I hear you mention Cordelia?"

"Yeah, she showed up the other night.  Apparently it was a free night for her and Anya.  And then she went to jump Sam Winchester to make his former girlfriend feel better too."

"I splashed him with holy water, no effect," Gunn told him.

"It usually doesn't, even when he's possessed," Angel said.

"John blessed our IV's."

"I guess that's fine.  Go find a spot to hit for the night and I'll call around, Harris."

"Thanks.  Oh, Margaret is nearly babbling mama.  I think she did, so does Connor.  Crissy doesn't because she didn't catch it.  Cordette's going to flip about it.  I got her tape," he said with a smug grin.  "Plus tape of Buffy and Faith fighting with Ronon."

Angel smirked.  "She'll squeal for days.  Go find a hotel."  Xander left, going to find one and his secondary mission for being in town.  Angel looked at Gunn.  "Find out if it's a problem so we have some warning."

"I can start with the usual sources."  He went into the office to do that.  It had been quiet for too long.  Angel went back to his room.  He'd go to the demon bars later.

***

Xander smiled at the young woman who sat down across from him.  "Jack has a picture of you on his desk."

She gaped.  "He's there?"

"Sometimes.  He said to tell you it's not often, Chloe."

She groaned, shaking her head.  "We wondered."

"He said he leaves because the younger slayers like to pinch too much."  She gave him a dirty look.  "They do!"  He grinned and held up the envelope.  "He sent this for you?"

"Yes."  She took it to look inside.  "Thank you, Agent Harris."

"To those who know me, I'm Xander.  If I like you I'm Xander.  Unless you're an evil bitch and then I'm 'your death is served' according to one of the names some demon clans call me."  She burst out giggling, shaking her head as she got up and walked off.  "He said to call later."

"I can do that."  She went back to the base, looking through the envelope when she got caught in a traffic jam.  It had some good information.  It also had why Jack had wanted Clorina to call him about that guy.  Yeah, he was right up her alley apparently.

Xander looked up from his danish as another woman sat across from him.  "Jack said he was going to write a pretty but very naughty agent who liked guns as much as I do.  Are you her?"

She looked him over.  "You're cute like he said, but I don't see the dangerous."

He held out a hand with a grin.  "Xander Harris, DCIS and ISC."

She moaned, shaking it.  "Very nice to meet you.  I see the dangerous parts now."  He smirked back.  "Come along, little boy, let's see how you rate on *my* scale."

He finished off his danish in a bite, following behind her.  "Like oral sex?  I love to give oral sex."

"That's an automatic bonus in every woman's book."  She took him to her favorite place to play and he was.... better than Jack had led her to believe.  And a bit loud but that was fine too.

***

Jack hung up and went to talk to Daniel.  "The bad reason for the slow down tried to interrupt the date I set Xander up on," he reported from the doorway.  Daniel put the call he had on hold.  "Unfortunately Clorina had to act instead of him because she had him tied down.  Xander did manage to get free and finished causing carnage and mayhem on the rest of the head demon's army of minions.  Then she took him somewhere more private.  She said he'll be back on Monday.  Something about saving the world sex is even better than apocalypse sex came from him."  He walked off shaking his head.

Daniel took the call off hold.  "You're right, Xander and his date of the moment were involved in that problem LA just had.  They did solve it when the demon army went after them.  I'm told the girl he's with has taken him somewhere more discreet.  I'm sure he's very sorry about that appearing on the news, sir."

"He's dating now?"

"Our arms master set him up with a former coworker."

"I recognized the voice, Daniel.  Which coworker?"

"That wasn't told to me, sir.  I take that back, he said Clorina?"

The president sighed.  "She's a bit wild but a good agent.  She's a lot like Jack too.  You should see if he'll date Jack's daughter to make her come back to the right side."  He hung up.

Daniel went to talk to him.  "The president recognized your voice."

"I figure it's fairly well known by now," he admitted.  "Anything good?"

"He wanted to see if you'd send him syphilis this time for suggesting Xander date your daughter to return her to the side of good.  Since we all know that you had the witches that saved you send him crabs."

Jack considered it.  "She's too whiny for Xander.  I love Kim but he'd spank her first and she'd complain to me.  I'd have to hear all sorts of things I don't want to."  Daniel snickered.  "Maybe I can have Sam beat her into better behavior."

"Sam might," he agreed with a smirk.  "Any other problems?"

"No.  Is he bringing me things to log in?"

"I haven't heard from Xander."  He pulled out his phone to text his that he wanted a report sometime soon.  Then he put his phone back up.  It rang so he pulled it back out.  "She's possessive?"

"A bit now and then."  He looked at the 'he's busy, Monday' text back.  "Yeah, she's a bit possessive.  If I have to I'll have Chloe rescue him or maybe Angel.  It might make him scowl at her and she could learn to like being a vampire.  It'd probably help her on the job."

"That's mean," Daniel chided but he was snickering.  "We'll be missing Abby, Rodney, Radek, Sheppard, and Tiff this weekend."

"Why?"

"Vacation together."

"Ah...."  He considered it then nodded.  "I'll let the pinching twins know that so they can pounce her for details."

"What happens in Vegas," Daniel quipped.

"Tends to get Xander another realm?"

"Possibly."  He walked off happier.  The problems in DC had been solved by Willow's problems.  Abby would be a happy married lab goddess soon.  Gibbs, Tony, and McGee were all going with them.  He had already arranged that.  Buffy was walking his way pouting.  "What happened?"

"I'm a mature woman, I make mature decisions, even if it does suck that he's off saving the universe."

"Want to go to LA?  Xander helped take down a demon army."

She looked at him.  "Led by a woman?  Did they want to date him?"

"I don't know but his date helped him clean it up."

She ate the bite of ice cream on her spoon.  "No thanks.  Boys like him and Ronon need action and explosions.  Xander hasn't had any in longer than Ronon has."  She walked off with the rest of her ice cream.  John Winchester gave her a pointed look.  "I made a good decision even if it does suck at the moment."

"Uh-huh.  Go spar with Faith."

"How's her knee?"

"Bad but she won't admit it."

Buffy went to find Faith in the practice yard, knocking her down from behind.  "Come eat ice cream with me since you're sore again."  She ate another bite.  "I need to commiserate."

Faith got up, dusting herself off.  "That was mean, B."

Buffy grinned.  "John said you're sore."

"How would he know?"

"I saw you limping," John said.  "Help her eat ice cream, Faith."

"Fine.  Whatever!"  She walked off with Buffy.  "Why are you on the ice cream moping diet?"

"Ronon went to help save the world again."

"It was a good choice.  He kept saying settling down was like turning into a cow, or McKay."

"Yeah, you don't tie a guy like that down unless he asks nicely during sex."  Faith laughed, shaking her head as she went to get her own ice cream.  Buffy went to put in a movie so they could lounge around today.

"Why don't they have to practice?" Anna complained.

"If you can kick Ronon's butt, you can skip a day now and then too," Dean shot back.  "Since you can only kick Sammy's butt, you've got a few more  years.  Your free day's tomorrow anyway."  She pouted.  "Tough.  One hour and then you can go clean the barn because it stinks in there."  She sighed but nodded, getting down to it.  She could work faster and then get it done so she had free time.  Finally!  Dean smirked at her.  "You can play in the water when you wash their floor."  She groaned.  "Even Fargo said it smelled like decomp."

"Eww.  It was cleaned last night."

"Then we'll see after you're done.  Where is Mary?"

"With Gibbs."  She pouted.  "Why can't I go jogging?"

"You hate jogging," he reminded her.

"Oh, yeah."  She finished up and Dean lead her back to the barn, letting her open the door.  "It does stink in here and it didn't last night."  She moved in, scanning around.  "Awwww.  Dean!"  He came in.  "Eww."

Dean squatted down to look at the dead K-9 dog.  "Go get Daniel?"  She ran off to do that.  He looked it over.  No obvious wounds, no blood pool.  No one had told him they had one of them missing.  He looked at the two unicorns staring in at him.  "It's a dog, guys.  Are you two okay?"  They ran off.  He frowned.  They were strange sometimes.  Chase came jogging out with Daniel.  "Chill, Chase, it's one of the K-9."

"They came in bleating like someone was sick again."  He looked it over.  "Poison."  Daniel and Dean stared at him.  "It's in the eyes.  Same as it is in humans."  He stood up.  "We can bury it."

"No one reported that one was missing," Daniel said, going to talk to the guard commander.  "Are we missing part of your staff?"

"Not that I know of.  Why?"

"We found a dead K-9 in the barn," he said quietly.

"I have no idea, sir."  He went to look at it, shaking his head.  "He's on night shift.  Let me check on his handler."

"Poisoned," Chase told him.

"Okay, we'll see."  He went to find him in his apartment.  The guards and prison guards had their own buildings so they wouldn't get ignored by the agents.  When the guy didn't answer to knocking he opened it and walked in, sniffing and grimacing.  "What is that stink?"  He walked back to the bedroom, finding him on the bed.  He called over the radio.  "I need Chase in the guards' quarters, fifth floor east."  He hung up and went to check him.  He was alive, but stinking badly like he was already dead.

Chase came in and coughed.  "That's decomp," he said.

"He's alive.  He's got a pulse, doc."

Chase came over to look at him.  "He is.  Do a search of nearby apartments?"

"I can do that."  He let Chase get him back to the infirmary.  This really did suck badly.  He found the stench a few minutes later and it was another night shift guy.  "Found him," he called.  Chase came to look, nodding.  "We think it's the same thing?"

"It's got the same characteristics of the poisoning the dog took.  We'll call someone.  Want to check the others?"

"I think I'd better.  All three of these ones were on night shift last night."  Chase nodded, leaving him alone.  He called in.  "I want each and every single person to check in," he told his second-in-command.  "We've had three die off night shift.  Two humans, one K-9.  Chase thinks poisoned.  Please."  He waited until the local coroner got there.  "Ma'am."

"What happened?"

"Did Doctor Chase tell you anything?"

"Yes, sugar, and I got the dog too.  He served well and he deserves honors."  He relaxed at that.  "You go check the others and I'll be gentle with him.  Give me his file later on so we can make the official calls to his relatives."  He nodded, going to check on the check-in's progress.  She looked at him.  "Poor baby.  You weren't that old.  Not over forty it looks like."  She came over to gather him gently.  He deserved it.  She ran into Horatio outside.  "Poisoned it looks like.  Heavy poison.  It's showing in his eyes."

"How long should it have taken?  They were supposedly on shift last night."

"I'm not sure.  It depends on what it was."  She patted him on the cheek.  "I'll see you later.  Come tell me what's going on and I'll give you reports."  He nodded, letting her do that.  This was not going to be allowed to go on.

***

Xander strolled into breakfast Monday morning, smiling and happy.  "I'm sorry I missed this weekend but she insisted, boss."

"The president gave you the two days off with pay since you helped save LA and more of them now want to see you fight naked the way you did then."

Xander shrugged.  "She was happy with it.  What do I care if some strange things want to see me naked too."  He sat down in his usual spot.  "Did we have a good weekend, ladies?"

"Nope," Faith said with a smirk.  "We had free time."

"So you had a naughty weekend?" he teased.

"Yeah, whole lots of naughty."  She stared at him.  "Someone did some of the guards," she said more quietly.

He stared at Daniel.  "Anything on my desk, boss?"

"I need a report on the demon army."  He looked over.  "It's handled.  Horatio took that one and made them beg."

"Anything I should hear from it?"

"It wasn't related in the least," Horatio told him calmly.  "They wanted to reduce some of the guards so they could break in."  Xander relaxed again and nodded.  "The viewing's tonight."

"I can do that.  Thank you and let me know if you need more help."  They all nodded.  He went back to his breakfast.  For some reason he was hungry today.

Bauer walked in and looked at Xander.  "You're awake?  She thanked me in a mumble and started to snore ten minutes ago."

"Stamina for sword work?" he said with an impish grin.  "Thank you.  I like her.  Even if she does want to keep it like a casual toy relationship she's very nice."

"When she wants to be.  Now and then she turns into an agent."  He got his own breakfast and went to the armory to check it over.  Clorina might never live this weekend down.  She had almost been....mushy.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Playing Make Up and Wed.

Xander came out to the gate, blinking at his sometimes girlfriend a few days after he had gotten back.  "What's up?  Already free?"

"I came to give you back your gun.  We switched.  I realized that when the man I thought was human screamed at the blessed rounds you use."  She handed over his gun.  He took out his and looked at it then handed it back with a sheepish look.  "Neither of us really checked them before sliding back into our holsters."

He took a kiss.  "Thank you.  Did it help?"

"A whole lot and I stole an extra bullets for our ops people to look at for possible future loads."  She smirked.  "Busy?"

"Small research case but nothing that's going to take me out of town for a few days as far as I know.  You?  You can join us for lunch, dinner, or breakfast.  Our cook's really good and the girls are helping her tonight."

"I could see doing dinner or breakfast."  She let him into her car.  "How busy are you?"

"Not that busy.  Fargo's proofreading and I've sent the research case back already.  My desk's clean except for ISC stuff.  Paperwork annoys me."

She parked where he pointed and took a kiss.  "Got a lunch break now?"

"Yes I do," he growled, leading her to his apartment.  They made it inside and got down to making noise that drove Sam nuts up the hall.  And hey, he could fix any dents they caused in the walls.

Sam huffed but stomped off to the main building.  "Who's with Xander?  She's got the wrong range of screaming in pleasure to be Anya or Cordelia," he asked Daniel when he ran into him.

Daniel gave him a sideways look.  "He's got a visitor?"

"Yes.  Drove me out of bed."  He stomped up to the library.

Daniel went to the security office.  "Who's in to visit Xander?" he asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

"An agent Clorina DuBois."

"She's the one Jack set him up with.  Let me know if there's problems."

"No, we're gonna talk now," Danny Messer said hotly from behind him.

Daniel looked, finding him dragging Mac off by the arm and Don following looking slightly amused.  "We'll make the hours up, boss," Don said with a wave.  "Those two gotta talk about personal stuff."

"I know that relationships do that now and then," he promised patiently.  "I know you'll make up the hours too.  The same as Xander will if he misses any today."  Don smirked, heading after the arguing couple.  Danny went back to his office, sipping his coffee.  "Fargo, new pot of coffee's just up," he called into his office.

"No thank you."  He came out to hand him something.  "Xander's research report and the report on what happened in LA."  He saw a huffy Sam Winchester stomp past them.  "Is there a slayer issue?"

"Xander's got a female friend in.  Sam was apparently trying to nap before his afternoon lectures."

"I heard he could get loud.  I've never met anyone that way before."

"You can ask Philip, a lot of people do," Danny said with a smirk.

Fargo shivered.  "No thanks.  I'm a good boy.  Really I am."  He went back to his desk.  "Deputy Lupo's coming this weekend."

"That's fine, Fargo.  You can have visitors and they're part of us too  now.  I'm sure they'll have fun showing her the armory and the stuff in testing."  He went to his office to look over the reports.  They got sent onto the proper people and he got to relax.

At least until the president called a few minutes later.  "Daniel?" he asked in greeting.  Daniel nodded since he had to swallow.  "How does Harris get into these situations?"

"I don't know.  Apparently that army wanted him dead as a symbol of their might, sir.  I'm glad he could handle it with the agent Jack set him up with."

"Yeah, Clorina's a bit feisty," he said dryly.

"I'm told she's loud too, sir."  He finished his coffee while the president gave him a disgusted look.  "She's visiting at the moment."

"Ah!"  He nodded once.  "Enough said on that topic.  What's this I hear about a betting board of boyfriends for him?"

"A demon casino in Las Vegas has a betting board about who Xander will end up with, how evil his next girlfriend or female date will go, and a few other matters.  We told you about that but it was the day after most of those on the list got fairly drunk.   John Sheppard still isn't sure why he's on it."

"I see."  He stared at him.  "Are you?"

"No, sir, the demons took the same jump that half the universe did and decided I gave Jack O'Neill his job out of favoritism for my playmate.  There's a small, eight bet, board that's gambling on when we adopt."

The president moaned, rubbing his forehead.  "You're all insane," he complained.

"Not really, sir.  In my case that was an alien problem.  Jack got me out of there."

The president glared.  "Not cute."

"Sorry," he said with a grin.  "It's a quiet day.  There's no Xander cases, hardly any cases going on, a few agents are talking about their relationships.  Some are making weekend plans with Abby."

"Fine," he sighed.  "You know the next election is going to start getting heavy soon?"

"Yes, sir, and I'd like to meet with whoever takes your spot.  Just to make sure we don't have any problems.  Or else I'm letting Xander run the agency from the day he's elected until the day he names someone else."  He smiled sweetly.

"Don't threaten the US that way, Jackson," he shot back with a dirty look.  Daniel just smiled.  "Fine.  I've talked to both of them.  Neither one really like your agency but they'd rather you did it instead of normal people like in the FBI or CIA."

"Speaking of, sir," he said, turning to fax something.  "One tried to get into Abby's design files.  That's who she made sorry."  He turned back around.  "So you can have someone yell at them as well.  I doubt the CIA needs any of the toys that they've made."

"No, I'd hope not.  How are things going with the extra people?"

"We're down to a can they/can't they point.  If GD can do what's needed to recharge some ZPM's we'll be restarting it within a year.  If not, we'll make that decision.  The base has a few new projects getting ready to start so we'll shift personnel over."

"That's reasonable.  Are they straining you?"

"No, sir.  They have their own budget and we're using their budget to pay for their food and the extra electric, bullets, and water."

"Even better."  He looked over the report when it got handed to him.  "I'll have their people yell."

"You might warn them that Abby has talked to a few techno pagans, sir."

"Techno pagans," he said, thinking about that phrase.  "Like witches who hack?"

"Like some can combine them, yes, sir."

"I'll make sure they know they're being stupid and are going to have some strange issues too.  Do you have any idea which witches hated me that much?  My wife was not amused in the least."

"Some teenage ones from what I heard.  They decided you were mean.  They were stopped."

"Oh, them," he said flatly, grimacing.  "Fine.  I suppose I deserve it from the thirteen-year-old-girl perspective."  He sighed.  "There is some good news.  The Japanese Foreign Minister saw that one demon that had the growth problem.  He's talking to Germany and Canada about setting up their own office."

"That could be helpful.  The slayer house nearest to them is in India."

"I know.  I told him that as well.  I'm sure fairly soon all the bigger countries will have their own offices to deal with it."

"What I'm wondering is if they've got their own version of Xander to help them during the startup year," Daniel said.

The president gave him the most horrified look.  "Don't say that!  Damn, man!"

"Sorry, sir, paperwork day.  I'm doing the stuff for Congress."

"Take a tea break, Jackson, before your mind goes!"  He hung up and found another number in the DCIS directory, calling it.  "Doctor House I presume?  Would you please check Doctor Jackson for possession or something that's making his mind go strange places?  Thank you."  He hung up before the person who had answered could say anything.

***

Wilson hung up the phone.  "Someone very authoritative just called to ask you to check Daniel for possession or something that's making his mind go strange places."

House looked up.  "I wonder what he told them this time."  He looked at the number on the caller ID.  "Hmm, DC."  He got up and walked that way, his cane tapping quietly.  He walked into the office.  "Someone in DC thinks you're possessed," he said dryly.

"I got told the Japanese are setting up their own DCIS agency.  I wondered if they had a Xander of their own to help with the startup year."

House pointed.  "Infirmary, now, Jackson.  Right now before whatever this is spreads."

"I'm only bored."

"I don't care!" he shouted.  "Come on.  Guys, help get Daniel down to the possession room so he can be checked," he ordered.  Stella and Horatio came in to help him down there.

Tony looked at him.  "Do I need to take over?" he asked.

"He was wondering if Japan had a Xander of their own to help with their new DCIS agency."

"According to the animes they do have some funky samurais.  Would one of those do?"

"You too, DiNozzo.  Infirmary.  If only because you're watching anime."   Tony huffed but went.  "Fargo, you're in charge.  We're making sure Tony and Daniel aren't possessed."

"I'll get Xander back," he said, calling his cellphone.  He got a panting female, making him blush.  "Um, ma'am, is Xander there please?  Can you please tell him House just took his boss and Tony down to the infirmary for possible possessions?  Thank you," he said quickly then hung up.

***

Xander walked in twenty minutes later, freshly showered.  "Are we possessed or do we just have bad mind syndrome?"

"Bad, rotten minds," House said dryly.  "They need a nap."  He looked the kid over then smirked.  "Have fun with someone?"

"Yes, I did," he said smugly.  "She's napping too."  He got them undone.  "Go eat lunch and we'll find something for the agency to do."

"No weapons cases," Daniel warned.

"If I can manage it.  Shoo, get chocolately goodness so I can."  He followed them out, waving at Wilson.  "Sorry.  Sometimes it has to happen so you have a few more clear minded years later on."

"He's done it to me before, Xander.  Don't worry about it."  He looked at his friend, who was trying to look innocent.  "You couldn't pull that look off since medical school, House.  Stop trying."

House cackled, patting him on the shoulder.  "I'm learning how to be a better evil one from some of the slayers."

"I'm sure the two youngest can teach you a lot."

"Mary will need someone like me some day."

"Have a son for her to hit on," Wilson said dryly.  House cackled at that thought.  He shook his head.  "Cuddy called yesterday.  She threatened to come out here with FBI agents to steal me back."

"We'd sic Xander on them."  Wilson groaned, shaking his head.  Dawn appeared out of a portal, looking miserable.  "Bad day, princess?"

"Fucking horrible bad ass day," she muttered.  She laid down on the bed.  "Is Xander here?"

"Somewhere."  He paged him and came out to look her over.  "Bruised, broken?  Just traumatized?"

"D, all of the above."  She winced but took off her shirt to let him see her chest and stomach.  He winced.  "Yeah, apparently one of the ones arrested was on sports scholarship.  One of them told me to let my agent big brother see him about it before he left."

"You have this set arrested?" Sam asked as he walked in.  "Xander's in the bathroom."

"Yup, campus security caught them at it and broke them up.  They definitely arrested the three I managed to put down but two tackled my lighter than their mountain-sized asses so they got me pinned for a few minutes.  That's when security stepped in."  Xander stomped in, staring at the bruises.  "Retaliation."

"I'm going to have those bastards eaten."

"Might be too late," she said dryly.  "One of the halfies on campus was who called security.  I'm filing formal charges in town."

"Yes you are," he agreed.  He found the phone book in the office, coming out looking up their number.  "There we are."  He called from the infirmary phone.  "Hi, this is Special Agent Harris at DCIS.  One of our ISC people was apparently assaulted on campus today in retaliation for having some idiots who tried to drug her arrested.  Where should she go to file the formal charges?  I've never met campus security there but I doubt they're real officers," he said bluntly.  "Why yes, I am her relative she warned them about when she was kicking their asses."

He smirked at her.  "That's nice but she does want to press formal charges.  Because we're here in our infirmary and she's heavily bruised.  I don't care," he said bluntly.  "That's fine, we'll show up and do that anyway."  He hung up.  "Let's go."  She got up with a groan and some help from Sam.  She took her shirt back but kept it off.  She had on a sports bra.  It'd be modest enough for now.  She concentrated, creating a portal to the station she had marked for emergencies.  They walked through together.  "Hi," he said, pulling out his ID case.  "This is my little sister, who is not quite eighteen yet.  I'm sure you can see the problem?"

"Bad boyfriend, miss?" he asked, pulling out some papers.

"No, idiots on campus who got me for having some of their buddies arrested for trying to drug me."

"I heard about that.  Let me get the case file up.  Do you know who assaulted you today?"

"Campus security got to pull two of them off me after I had put down three and they had one other that was kicking and hitting me while two held me down."

He nodded once.  "Okay."

"I called to see which precinct to take her to, the officer who answered the phone said that nothing was going to be done because she deserved it."

"Um, no, we don't work like that, Agent...."

"Harris."

"As in DCIS?" he asked, looking hesitant.

"Yes, and Dawn's a watcher in training," he said with a smile.  "Plus my little sister."

"Wonderful.  I'm sure that takes a lot of brains, ma'am, sir."  He called his boss.  "Sir, I have an assault complaint here.  Campus.  Some of the sports teams from what I can see.  I see a ring mark.  I could use an evidence camera."  He hung up and moved her to a seat so he could take the report.  His boss came out with the camera, letting him take pictures for it.  He also found the last report and added it to this one, and got one from campus security about who it was.  The coaches could moan and whine.  Xander took Dawn home once he was done and he got to relax for a moment.

His boss came to look it over.  "At least neither of them went after those kids," he decided, handing it back.  "Go for it."

"Which one did he talk to?"

"I had the incoming call looked at.  I'll be talking to him."

"Yes, sir."

"Watch out for the coach, go to the head of the athletics department first."

"Gladly.  I know some of them fuss."  He gathered things and headed out.  It wasn't that far to the college.  He found the office easily enough too.  Apparently two of them were waiting in the hall.  He tapped then walked in.  "Sir, Sergeant Brooks."

"Sergeant, is this about the assault on some of our boys earlier?" the coach in there demanded.

"Yes, sir, the woman they assaulted pressed charges."

"A woman kicked them around that way?" the coach demanded.

"Yes, sir, and her big brother was with her to help her file charges."

"I'm not scared of some agent," he sneered.

"He's DCIS, sir."

The coach stepped back, shaking his head.  "Can't be."

"She's a watcher in training.  Your boys who tackled her got *real* lucky."  He looked at the head of the athletics department.  "She did press charges, sir."  He handed over both reports.  "The one that started it and the current issue."

The head looked it over then looked at him.  "Have there been others?"

"Campus security doesn't seem to think so, but then again the campus hired rent-a-cops for the most part.  I'm going to ask their boss, who was an actual officer, after this."

He nodded, handing them back.  "I'll have them down there within an hour to turn themselves in, Sergeant Brooks.  Two aren't here and I need time to track them down.  If I can't find them by then, I'll bring the rest and let your people handle it."  He nodded and left to go to the security office.  "Drugging freshman girls is not allowed," he snarled.  "I don't care if he is the head of soccer team and another was your star tennis player.  We do not support drugging young women or men to rape them!  They are off the teams, they are kicked out of this department, and they will be facing their charges.  If I hear of any others who have done the same thing, they're going too!   I don't care which team they're on and which alumni donator will fuss!"

"You're bowing to pressure because her brother's a Fed," he snorted.

"No, I'm doing it because I'll be damned if I want my daughter to go through the same thing!  Or anyone else's daughter!  And if you try to hide them or I find out you tried to get them off the hook, you can find a new department too and good luck with it."  The coach stomped off.  He went to talk to the head of the alumni association and the president since they were probably having lunch together again.  They were married, they lunched together often.  He sat down at their table in the private dining room.  "Apparently our campus security sucks."

The president winced.  "One of the girls' teams get jumped?"

"A freshman girl nearly got drugged by a few and managed to kick their butts.  She pressed charges.  Today, some of my former players decided to get some revenge.  She got three before two tackled her.  The sergeant who came to arrest them said that campus security hadn't reported any others."

"Aw, crap," the wife sighed, shaking her head.  "Is your department going to have a press issue?  I can make a statement as the head of the college."

"No, ma'am.  They're off the teams.  I'll be damned and the coach can leave too if he helped with it and I find out."

The husband smiled.  "Good.  How many are involved?"

"Six today, three last time.  They dropped whole pills into her drink; that's how she caught them.  I'm pretty sure someone's not taking reports about any others.  She had to have her agent big brother help her file the report today."

"Oooh," the wife said with a wince.  "Bad?"

"DCIS.  I don't think he'll do anything if it's handled and the law takes it's course."

"Good.  They're mostly fair, even if a few are said to be a bit violent.  I didn't know we had any of them here?"

"The report says that she's a watcher in training.  She's had extensive self defense lessons with the slayers for the last few years."

"Good!"  She considered it then nodded.  "I want to open a new class for self defense lessons.  Open to anyone, can be split males or females if you want."

"Yes, ma'am.  I'll talk to our Judo coach about that."

"Good.   Will she join?"

"From what I saw of the slayers, they're not formally trained in any particular style, just to defend and take care of issues.  She probably is too but I'll put up notices to see if she wants to."  He stood up.  "I thought you should know before it hit the news.  They're being turned over in a bit."

"Thank you for telling me in person.  I hope you can fill their spots with someone better."

He smirked.  "Probably not an issue."  He walked off to gather the other two from their dorms.  The rest could be walked down there soon enough.  Only one was missing and he was found by campus security and handed over by the head personally.  "You heard?"

"Yes, and there's been three attempted reports that weren't made.  No one else was involved on the male side."

"Good to know."

"I'm talking to the girls who tried to report things," the security chief promised.

"I already warned the president in case the press came."

"Thank you."  He went to find those girls.

***

Xander handed Daniel the report.  "Had to pull my ID when I told the sergeant I was helping her file charges.  Nothing else."

Daniel read it over then looked up at him.  "She okay?"

"She's got some ice cream and she's talking to Dean and Faith.  She didn't want me to fuss. She did threaten the boys with me but she won't let me fuss.  Still no idea if the rats were demonic or not."

"Have Stella handle that," he reminded him.  Xander nodded, going to bug her about that problem.  Daniel filed that report with the first one so they had it in case something needed to know.  Or someone.  Because some of the demons in congress?  Not exactly people after selling so much of their souls for power.

***

"AHHHH!  OHHHH!  YEAH, XANDER!  AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

The guard looked up with a sigh, then looked at the singles dorm.  Jackson's lights weren't on.  No, one got flipped on.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!"  A minute of silence then, "AAAAAAAAAOOOOOWWWWWW!" in a female voice.

Dean and Faith went to hide in her room.  Sam went to John's room.  Tony was glaring.  "Sir," the guard said.  "We can break in there to embarrass him."

"I told them to shut up, she threatened to shoot me.  Xander tried, but she's louder than even Anya was!"  He went to the infirmary.  It had beds.

Daniel walked out of his building and over there, going to interrupt them so *he* could get some sleep.  He pounded then walked in, glaring at Xander when he came out.  "I don't care what you're doing to her.  I don't care if you're killing her, screwing her, whatever.  She can be heard by the back gate and all your windows are closed."

"She's got her face in a pillow," he muttered.  He shrugged.

"Then finish it up or take her to a motel.  At least it's not the middle of the night."  He stomped off, slamming the door behind him.

Xander sighed and went to finish her off.  It wasn't his fault she was loud!  He got her up and took her to the motel so they could play in peace.  The local cops wouldn't bust him for her being that loud and the motel hardly had anyone this time of year.

John looked outside then went to interrupt Dean and Faith since they were a bit noisy too.  "He took her somewhere else.  Go back to bed, son."

"Fine."  He got up and helped her up, walking her back there in her skimpy jammies that were giving him many dirty thoughts.

***

John stopped Xander the next morning.  "Xander, you know I look at you like you're the son of another hunter that I'm helping and watching over, right?" he asked, walking him off.

"Yeah."

"Then I'm going to give you some advice, kid.  Women who make that much noise?  They're probably not good for you.  Even if it's because they're enjoying it, it's probably not going to be a healthy relationship.  Once in a while, yes.  Every night?  No."  Xander was blushing.  "It's girls like that who get you new stalkers."

"Jack introduced us.  She's another agent."

"That's wonderful.  It's good she can match you beating up problem people.  Still, she's probably not going to be a healthy relationship for you to be in long-term.  And you should have a long-term girl or guy who makes you happy and helps you calm down after the bad cases."

"I know."

"Good."  He patted him on the back.  "Next time, do a silencing charm?"

"I hadn't thought of that.  I can have Dawnie do one," he said with a grin.  "I don't think she'll go stalker."

"I'd hope not," he said.  "Because she seems a bit...scary, Xander."

"It's where she's trained to handle world-ending and US-ending events with a small team," Jack called from the armory door.  Xander grinned at that.  "I've never heard her be that loud.  Even with her ex-husband."

"She told me viagra couldn't even help him," Xander told him.

"She's said worse than that about him."

"I heard but John's got delicate ears."  He looked at the older hunter, grinning some.  "I'll try to keep it off base."

"Good, because Anna and Gibbs had to have a talk about how not all women were that loud.  She was worried she couldn't get that loud."

"Oops.  I'll talk to her if I have to."

"No, he got her straightened out and let Chase talk to her about sex."  He patted him again with a smug look.  "Keep it off base, Xander.  Before she becomes your next bad girl."

"Well, technically with what she has to do for the job...." Xander said.

Bauer gave him a dirty look.  "Now and then, yeah, but it's necessary," he said dryly.  "The same as you ending up on YouTube is."

"I know, but she's good most of the time."  He grinned.  "She can even cook a little bit."

"Wonderful," John agreed.  "You're going to be late for work."

"No I'm not.  It's my day off.  I only took lunch off yesterday to play with her.  She napped until about dinner, we played then, so I didn't miss any work yesterday."  He beamed and went to his desk to check his voicemail, email, and for any suddenly appearing envelopes.

Daniel came out to stare at him.  "Is she going to start stalking you, sending you inappropriate gifts, or anything we should be warned about?  If so, can you maybe break up with her now?"

Bauer walked up, handing him a card.  "From her.  She dropped it in front of my door on the way out this morning."  He looked at Xander.  "She happy?"

"They called her back to work."

"Ah."  He nodded, walking off again.  That had been a good deed of his to call the bosses and have her recalled so the rest of them could sleep.

Daniel looked at the card, then handed it over, walking off shaking his head.  He had no idea where Xander found them sometimes.

A few hours later, Faith walked a small bag up to Xander's desk, handing it to him.  "There, from us.  Because you need it."  She walked off again.  "All the girls have the morning off so they can catch up on their sleep."

Xander looked, then grinned.  "A cock gag.  Cool.  Anya's trunks don't have any of those."  He put it down.  It disappeared.  He looked up.  "Anya, new girlfriend's toy."  It reappeared.  "Thank you."  He got back to work on the case he had open.

Stella wandered in sipping coffee.  "Xander, what did you do to her?" she demanded quietly.  "I've never heard a woman get *that* loud."

He shrugged.  "Oral sex."

She huffed.  "It can't be.  There's no way.  I don't get that loud, no one else ever gets that loud.  That makes two women that you've made break the usual noise levels."

"Three," Tony said dryly.  "Abby's friend Bolivia."

"Oh, yeah.  Well that was only one night," Stella said.  "She might've been quieter after that."

"Not likely," he quipped, looking at his buddy.  "Use the gift, please?" he begged.  "I like sleeping in my own bed instead of the infirmary.  The nurse looked very amused when six of us showed up and four of those were in House's building."  He went back to his own case.

Calleigh and Horatio walked in, her patting him on the head.  "Would you maybe like a nice, long weekend off with her somewhere so we can all sleep?"

"I'm sorry.  I don't know why she was so loud."

Horatio added his gift certificate to the local adult toy store to the bag from there.  "There, so you can buy something to help keep her more quiet this next time."  He went to his desk, finding he had work today.  It was nice.

Stella and Calleigh shared a look but went to work too.  They'd never date Xander and they'd keep each other from it if some wild hair went up their butts to do so.

Abby walked in smiling and happy.  "Does anyone have anything for me to do?  If not, I'm cleaning the lab and that means moving machines."

"Why are you so perky?" Tony asked.  "The rest of us are tired from the noise last night."

"Noise?  What noise?  Did we miss a base assault?  Because I'm sorry if we did and you needed us."  Tony pointed at Xander.  "Were you a base assault?" she asked.

"Noise assault," Horatio said grimly.  "For nearly an hour."

"Oooh."  She gave Xander a hug.  "Bolivia said to call her back if you ever want another round.  She said that tongue thing nearly made her die but it was so good she's willing to cross over that way."  She let him go and bounced off.  "Rod, did you know that there was noise last night and we missed it?"

"That's because you two were probably just as noisy." Radek complained.  "I room near you two.  Is disturbing."

"Xander was noisy last night," she told him.

"I heard.  Everyone heard.  Whole town heard.  Is even more disturbing.  Will corrupt children next time probably.  He should stop it."

"We keep trying to make him go gay but each time he gets with a woman she gets louder and louder," Abby said with a grin.

Rodney looked at her.  "He couldn't have been that loud."

"I measured decibels from my room.  Was over eighty from two buildings away," Radek complained.  "They made him go to sleazy motel so the rest of us could sleep."

"Aww," Abby said with a grin.  She kissed Rod quickly.  "You make me want to be that noisy."

He blushed.  "Not in the lab," he said, glancing around to make sure no one else had heard them.  He could thump Radek if he teased him but the others he'd have to get Xander to do for him, or the slayers since they all liked Abby.

Radek shook his head.  "We need bigger building with soundproof rooms.  Move all the noisy ones there."  He went to work in another lab.

Rodney shrugged when Abby gave him a confused look.  "Sometimes he's a puritan about such things," he told her.

"Ah."  She took another kiss and they got to work cleaning her lab.  She was missing an earring backing and it was driving her nuts.

***

Wesley opened up the mail, scowling at the letter inside it.  "What's up, Wes?" Faith asked since she was playing secretary today.

"Someone wanted us to do a product endorsement.  The girls I mean."

"Huh?" she asked.

"They wanted the girls to hype their bleach product."

"Clorox bleach, for when you've just crapped yourself during an apocalypse to get those whiteys white again?" she quipped.  "Or more of the 'Clorox, for when the goo just has to come out of your favorite outfit' sort?"

He snickered.  "I have no idea but I dare say neither one would be that appealing."

"We don't use bleach, you can tell them that.  We use Mrs. S's recipes to get goo out of everything.  And tell them that the girls don't wear underwear anyway so it doesn't really matter if we need stain removal there."

Wesley blushed.  "Faith!"

She looked at him.  "I didn't!  It kept me from soiling my jeans during the last one."

He groaned, shaking his head.  "That is a habit you really should take up."

"What is?" Dean asked as he walked in.

"Wearing panties during apocalypses.  Wanna join in?"

"I'd look sucky in panties, Faith.  Why are we on this topic?"

"Some bleach people want us to be spokesmodels," she said with an evil smirk.

"Bleach, for when you're facing an enemy twice your size, triple your weight, and you have the wrong weapon," Dean quipped.

Wesley got up and went to get some tea.  "I'll send back a tasteful note that we don't really use their product and it's not good for the slayer image."

Dean and Faith shared a smirk.  "No work today?" Faith teased.

"Next week we get some of the really mini slayers and some of the older ones back."

"Cool.  Little B will pout that she's missing out on training time but by then the kids can probably pat the future slayer."

"Maybe," he agreed.  He came in to get a kiss then walked out to go back to his plans.  His father gave him a look when they passed in the hall.  "Wes got asked for the slayers to do product endorsements."

"Why?"

"Bleach people."

John moaned, shaking his head.  "It's probably not good for the ISC."

"That's what we said.  Wes went to get some tea."

"I noticed the blush."  He walked off shaking his head.  Hopefully soon, things would get closer to normal again.

"Mini slayers are coming in a few weeks," Dean called.

"Wonderful.  Something to do."  John considered it.  Why would bleach makers want slayers to hype their products?  It tended to set in demon ick more than take it out.

***

Abby looked up from her brunch at an all you can eat buffet in Vegas, finding a familiar person.  "You followed?"

"Case," he admitted, kissing her on the head.  "Greg called when Clorina dragged in two demons who were trying to build a bio bomb."

"Ah.  So how long are you in for?"

"Today, and tonight if Danny's kind and decent."  He put down a number.  "I'm here."  He winked.  "Don't do anything I wouldn't.  Remember to take film for the girls, they'll nag if you don't and pout for a long time."  He walked off whistling.  He waved at John when he spotted him.  "Case," he said at the opening mouth.  "Solved."

"Oh, good."  He went in to get his own breakfast.  "No McKay?" he asked her.

"Nope."  She ate a bite and grinned once she had swallowed.  "He's resting for later.  Do you think he wants to do something with costumes or something more traditional?"

"I have no clue," he admitted.  "That is not a topic we've ever talked about.  Though I can tell you he won't do anything Star Trek-ish."  He got his own plate from the buffet and came back to eat with her.  Radek and Tiff wandered in.  Ronon was following them.  He waved them over.  "Tiff, help her shop later.  After she asks McKay how formal he wants to be."

"I can shop like a slayer for today," she said dryly.  "I'm not usually one of the shopping ones but I can be for a few hours."  Abby gave her a hug.

Ronon shook his head, sitting down to eat.  "How long should this take?"

"That depends on if they can pick which one they want this morning, get all the official paperwork done, and Abby finds what she wants to wear," John told him.  "By tomorrow definitely."

"That's fine.  This town has a lot of very...bright things."

"Sammy said that there's a roller coaster on top of a casino," Tiff offered.  "Want to ride it with me, Ronon?"

"No thank you.  I have no idea what it is but the look of unholy glee on your face worries me."

She giggled, swatting him on the hand.  "It's fun."

"So was that wild river ride we went on.  It still soaked me to the skin, gave me a chill and sniffles, and made me seem less than manly when I squealed as we went over that waterfall you didn't know was there."

"I never get stories like that anymore," Abby complained.

"That's because you never take a vacation anymore," Tiff reminded her.

"Oh, yeah."  She shrugged but dug in again.  "If we were here longer, we could see the Grand Canyon."

"You can make him see it with you while we're waiting.  Take a weekend off," John pointed out.  She beamed at that, kicking him under the table.  He loved making her happy, even if he did have bruises.  Rodney wandered in looking half asleep.  He got coffee and two plates of food before sitting down on Abby's free side.  They had left him that seat.  He grunted at them.

John waited until he had taken a lot of coffee in to talk to him.  "She's asking about formality, traditions, and costumes.  Got any input before the girls go shopping?"

Rodney stared at him then at her.  "Costumes?" he asked.

She let him have more of his coffee before answering.  "Do we want to dress up, do something more traditional, or would you like to do a fantasy thing?"

He groaned, shaking his head.  "No thank you."

"Traditional, suit and tie for you, nice dress for me?  Or did you want to go through the bigger dress and tuxes?"

"Don't you girls usually plan that stuff?" Rod asked.

She kissed him gently.  "Yes, but I don't have a fantasy wedding planned from childhood, dear."

"Hnmm."  He took another drink, noticing the number on the table.  He pointed while swallowing.

"Xander had a case called.  Clorina found a few making bio-bombs and had to hand them over.  So he's got her somewhere else."

"Good!  I'm sure they can keep up that resort quite nicely," he said dryly, making her giggle.  He considered it.  "I've always thought those people who got married in jeans were not going to last."

"So, suit or tux?" Tiff asked.  "It'll matter where I help her shop later."

"Suits would be good," he decided.  "I could use a new one anyway."

Abby grinned.  "Okay.  Do you want to do the traditional white dress for me or anything like that?  Because I *so* don't look great in white."

"That's up to you.  It's your dress," he pointed out.

She gave him another kiss.  "I won't wear black if you'd be creeped out."

"If you do, it'd have to be black tie," John said.  "That way she could wear something fabulous and so could you."

"Hmm, not necessary," Rodney decided.  "Suits, nice dress.  We'll find something to fit Ronon later on."  They all nodded.  "Which one are we doing it at again?"

"We narrowed it down to four choices," she reminded him, pulling those out of her pocket.

He looked them over.  "I still don't like that one.  Even if it's romantic to be beside the lake....  It's overlooking a resort's made lake."

"Okay."  She crossed that one off.  "This one has Elvis or a wizard or someone marry you or regular sorts."

"I'd rather not do a fantasy wedding," he said dryly, giving her a dirty look.

"If you did, I could wear something like a chainmail bikini," Abby teased with a grin.

Rodney blushed.  "Not if you want to be seen by anyone else you're not."

She giggled, kissing him on the cheek.  "Okay.  That leaves two.  They do normal things.  This one's a bit cheaper, that one's a bit less crowded."

He pointed at the less crowded one.  "Cheap isn't something to go with on such an event," he said.  "If it means something, expense shouldn't matter as much as feeling and atmosphere."

"Okay.  I'll meet you at the records office at three?"  He nodded at that.  "We'll make reservations with them for after five?  That gives us some time to get back, change, then get there."

"That would be reasonable," he assured her.  She squealed and hugged him then got back to her breakfast.  By long habit, he didn't watch what she was eating.

Ronon did.  "There's no strange combinations.  Are you feeling all right?"

"Should I find a shotgun?" John teased.

"We're not in your former part of the country," Rodney complained.  "If you should try, I'll have Tiff stop you."

"Fine.  Spoil my fun."

"If we did a fantasy country wedding, you could do that," Tiff said with a smirk.  "Have him in overalls, her in a gingham dress like on Hee Haw?"  John snickered, shaking his head because McKay was giving her the dirtiest look.

"You, hush, before I find you some unclean man and let him marry you."

"Xander would protect me."

"I'd protect you from that.  We still have to approve of all men you date, Tiff," Ronon reminded her.

"Fine."  She dug in, then went to get a second plate.  Abby went with her.

Rodney looked at John.  "Where am I going for her ring?"

"I know a place.  Got a good recommendation from one of the guys on our crew.  He did the same thing."  Rodney relaxed.  "What size does she wear?"

"I have no earthly idea.  I did think to bring one of the ones she wears at home to compare against."

"That should work as long as it's not adjustable."

"No, I don't think so."  He finished up and went to get his own since the girls were giggling at the omelet maker.  He came back to find the smaller table next to theirs was filled as well.  "Carson, when did you get in?"

"Earlier.  Radek called me."  He smirked at him.  "It's about time."

"Yes, well, it probably was," he agreed, watching Abby walk back balancing her glass of juice on her plate.  He took it from her before it spilled, earning a happy grin and another kiss.  "Not in public," he hissed.  "Even if I don't mind showing you off, there's impressionable beings here who don't need to see me ravage you at the table."

She smirked at him.  "I know, but you're so adorable when you're being chivalrous."

He even held her chair for her.  She liked it when he did that.  She also rewarded him very well when he was thoughtful.  Radek smirked at him.  "Behave, Radek, or I'm making you room with one of the botanists."

"Fine.  Will not tease you for finally finding manners."  He smirked but dug into his own breakfast.  It was very well done.  "How are your mother's cats?" he asked Carson.

"Doing good.  She's fussing because one went into heat that she thought had been fixed.  Now she's got sixteen kittens around the house as well and isn't sure she can give any of them up."

"Sixteen?" Tiff asked.  "Damn I'm glad people don't have litters like cats."

"Me too.  I'd hate to deliver them," Carson said dryly.  She giggled.  "What are we doing this morning?"

"Both wedding parties are going to do the necessary shopping," John said.  "They'll hit the records office at three or so.  Then we'll do the wedding tonight."  They both nodded at that.  "You four can go sightseeing once the shopping's done.  I'll make sure no one snatches either of them."   He pointed across the room.  "Radek, isn't that the guy you told me the story about?" he asked quietly.

Radek looked then nodded.  "Idiot," he said then went to muttering into his food in his native language.

"Someday I'll have to learn Czech to figure out what you're muttering in case I need to blush," Tiff teased him.

He looked at her then at John.  "Protect that one.  He is slimy that way."

"Of course."

"Thank you."  He smirked at her.  "If you wish to learn, I will teach you."

"Hopefully not like Anya taught Xander how to speak Norse," Rodney quipped.

"I doubt he likes her *that* way, Rod," Abby reminded him.

Radek blushed, shaking his head quickly.  "Much too young for me.  Would kill me in bed."  He went back to eating.  Carson gave him a friendly pat, earning a smirk back.  "Your mother would be happy."

"She would but she's much too young for me as well.  I'm old enough to be her father."

"True, as am I," Radek agreed.

Tiff giggled.  "You two blush so cutely sometimes."  They both gave her dirty looks.

Ronon patted her on the head.  "This means we'll have to see you in a dress, won't it?"

"Unless she decides to go as a sacrifice to the altar of a god as a priestess turning into an ordained wife, yeah."

"That is *way* too kinky for my tastes," Abby told her.  "But where did you see that?  I know someone who'd love that theme."  She pointed at it on the wedding chapels list.  "It does say you can have a sacrificing wedding.  Or even a rescue from a sacrifice and the hero wins the girl wedding.  Huh."  She texted that to someone she knew back east.

John shook his head.  "That might be fun to watch but no."

Tiff snickered.  "I can't see him swinging in on a vine to rescue the fair damsel about to be taken to the altar in a bad way," she agreed.

"Tarzan I am not," Rodney agreed.  "I cannot wear a loincloth at all.  I'd look silly.  Even if some of the robes I've seen in various pictures of sacrifices would look stunning on you," he teased his girlfriend.

She blushed and swatted weakly at him.  "I'll keep that in mind for later."

"Then she'll really be sacrificed to the geek god," John teased.

Tiff nodded.  "We'll need earplugs."

"As long as I don't have to birth any offspring for at least two years," Carson told them, seeing the blushes.  "I don't think the world's ready yet.  Give the others time to find someone so they can have children to help yours socialize and play like normal ones do."

Rodney looked at his woman.  "Perhaps we can elope?"

"We are, dear.  That's why we're in Vegas," she reminded him.

"Oh, yes."  He took another kiss and finished up.  "Let us hit our necessary tasks."  He wiped his mouth off.  He, John, and Tiff all stood up.  Abby took one last bite, wiped her mouth, then stood up as well.  She slipped John something once Rodney was out of sight, getting a wink back.  She went to brush her teeth then took Tiff to find a nice dress.  "What was that?" Rodney asked outside waiting on a cab.

John looked at the thing he had been given.  "A really nice ring."  He let him see it.  "I'm guessing so you can fit her new one to it."

Rodney took it with a smile.  "That would do just as well as the one I have of hers."  A cab pulled up and they got in, going shopping.  He did need a new suit anyway.  Maybe he'd get two since this one should be a bit special.  He'd wear this one again when he accepted his next scientific award he decided.  Not like he had been using his salary in the Pegasus galaxy.

***

Rodney looked at all the rings, finding one that spoke to him.  "That one," he said with a point.

"That one's very heavy, sir."

"She's a bit goth," he said quietly.

"Ah, then that would be pretty on her."  She pulled it out to let him see it and see how heavy it was.  It was platinum, had a square, emerald cut, two carat diamond ring surrounded by tiny rubies.  He sighed in pleasure.  "That one's very unique.  We figured it'd go to a nice goth girl some year."

"She is very sweet and nice," he said, letting her see a picture of her.

"She's beautiful," she praised, smiling at him.  "That one's a bit expensive, sir.  But if that's the one we can do payment plans if we must."

He looked at the tag, wincing a bit.  "I haven't spent my paychecks in months," he decided, handing over his card.  John walked in.  He had been putting the suits in their rooms.  "What do you think?"

"I think she'll sob on your shoulder for getting her something so her," he said with a smile.

"Excellent.  Should I put the whole price on it or just a down payment?" the saleswoman asked.

"Yes, do the whole thing.  We're being married tonight."  She walked off to run it for him.  John patted him on the back.  "Tiff isn't getting her anything too naughty, is she?"

"No.  I'm told it's blue.  It'll match your skin and eyes very well," John assured him.  "She saved the naughty thing for later.  Tiff couldn't even hiss about it."  Rodney blushed.  She came back not looking pleased.  "It declined?"

"It can't have.  I haven't used any of my paycheck in months."

"No, it needs an authorization since you've been somewhere working that didn't have stores."

He took the phone.  "Who is this?"  He listened.  "Yes, this is Doctor McKay.  Meredith."  He smiled.  "No, my future wife's ring, madam.  Thank you."  He handed it back.  "That should do."

She listened.  "Thank you, miss."  She hung up and smiled at him, going to print the receipt for him to sign.  He got a copy and she put the ring into a box for him.  "Is there anything else you need?"

"Not yet.  Not until we make this one quit dating women who want to sacrifice him."

She looked John over and smirked.  "He is adorable but too young for me."

John smirked back.  "I'm older than I look," he offered with a wink, making her giggle as she walked off to help someone else.  He walked McKay out to the cab, letting him keep the ring box in hand to stare at.  They stayed silent most of the way back.  "Nervous?"

"Yes, but I suppose it's normal."

"Probably.  Never been here myself," he said dryly.  He looked at him.  "Can you imagine finding another woman who likes you for the mean, sarcastic bastard you are?"

"No.  No I can't," he admitted, looking at him.  "Is that enough?"

"She loves you in spite of your attempts at humor, your allergy to anything citrus, and your coffee habit, McKay.  There's no one more perfect unless you could special order one."

"My sister...  She'll be peeved."

"So call.  Make the wedding tomorrow."

"I think we made arrangements."

John called her.  "Abby, when's the appointment with the chapel?"  He smiled.  "Good.  Sure, coming back now.  Meet you by the desk, yeah."  He hung up.  "It's at ten tomorrow."

McKay snatched his phone to dial his sister's number.  "Jeannie?"  He smiled.  "Yes I am. Have been for a month or so of working and I'm down for at least a few more at the moment.  No, I want you on a plane to Las Vegas immediately.  That way you can't complain about my taste in women."  He hung up and handed it back with a smirk.  "She's choking."

"I'm sure she is."  He called another number Tiff had gotten for him.  He smiled.  "Hi, I know this is a TTY service," he told the woman on the other end.  He read off the phone number he needed.  She repeated it as she dialed.  "Mrs. Scuito, you don't know me but I work with Abby.  John Sheppard, ma'am," he said, waiting on her to respond.  She said something nice about him.  "Exactly.  We're in Las Vegas.  No, not me.  Rodney is.  He has a ring.  Beautiful.  Platinum, diamond, and rubies.  It'll look stunning on her hand.  Ten tomorrow morning.  We're at the Luxor.  Of course we can.  Thank you, Mrs. Scuito.  No, I think she was going to bring him home to meet you right afterward.  His sister will be there as well, ma'am.  Of course.  Ten in the morning, yes.  We're all here.  Gibbs, Tony, and McGee are coming in later this afternoon.  Of course.  See you then."  He hung up and smirked at him.  "They'll be on the next flight up."

"I hope Jeannie is."

"I'm sure she's on her way to come meet the woman that tamed you and gave you manners."

"I have manners that I use when necessary."

"Uh-huh.  Because she rewards you in ways that make you blush," he teased with a smirk.

"Quite possibly."  They got out and he went to the front desk.  "We have two additional guests coming in tonight," he told the check in girl.

"Of course, sir.  We can reserve rooms for them.  Names?"  He wrote them out and added that one couple was deaf, getting a nod at that and a smile.  "For your wedding?"

"Her parents and my sister."

"That's fine, sir.  Make sure they know they have rooms waiting."

"Of course."  He called them both on conference.  "We've reserved rooms for all of you," he said in greeting. "Yes, sister, this is still your brother.  Yes, Abby.  I wrote you about her.  Tomorrow at ten.  We're at the Luxor.  Just get here, I'll pay for your room.  Her parents as well if they need me to.  Otherwise she'll feel guilty and I won't have her upset."  He hung up and looked at the check in girl.  "My sister has to fly down from Ottawa."

"That's fine.  They're reserved for the next forty-eight hours, sir.  Your fiancee left you a message."  She got it for him.  He smiled once he had read it.  "Have a good afternoon, sir."

"Thank you.  I hope she's having fun in the pool."  He went up to hide the ring, finding his trunks.  She had made him get some for the pool on base.  He went down to frolic with her.  Radek and Carson were both lounging, looking a bit green.  "Roller coasters?" he guessed.

"Many of them," Carson groaned.  "Ronon compared them to Buffy."

"Eww."  He dove in, chasing after his mate.  She was sneaky and had slipped further off.  He captured her, kissing her.  "I love you."

"I love you too."  She kissed him, staring into his eyes.  "What did you do?"

"I called my sister to slip the news to her."

"Oh."  She gave him a hesitant look.  "Why?"

"Because I know you'd feel guilty if I didn't tell both our families.  That way your father has the chance to find a good flame thrower or a shovel and my sister has time to have a headache then calm herself."  She relaxed in his arms.  He took another kiss.  "Ten tomorrow?"

"Ten tomorrow but I won't make it so you have to sleep by yourself tonight," she teased.

"I doubt I would if you were that far apart."  He heard a cough from the lifeguard and let her go.  "There, we'll do laps."

"Of course we will.  It's good exercise.  Works off all that breakfast and any snacks you guys had while you were out."  She winked and dove under the water to swim off again.  She paused and came up, looking at him.  "Did we reserve a room for Gibbs, Tony, and McGee?"

"Yes, love."

"Oh, good!"  She swam off again.  He smiled, watching her before starting off on his own.  Apparently he liked the view.  Which gave her naughty thoughts.  But he did that just by breathing sometimes.  Even his snoring was adorable, how cute was that.

Carson looked at Radek.  "We could make a new sugar substitute from them."

"There must be a vaccine," Radek complained back.  "Before we find ourselves being that gooey minded."

"Perhaps but I doubt it."  He watched them swim, shaking his head.  "They are adorable together."

"Hmm, she is adorable, makes up for him not being cute in the least."

"She makes him nicer too."

"Doesn't show in the lab sometimes but yes," Radek agreed, relaxing further.  "We should be outside in the sun."

"We should."  They went up the stairs to the outdoor lounging area.  It wasn't often they got to sit in the sun and relax.

John looked at his phone when it rang, smiling at the number that came up.  "Yes, Jeannie?  This is John Sheppard.  In the pool with Abby.  No, she's making him swim laps with her probably.  Yes, that one.  Squealy, loves him, they're tooth-rottingly cute together.  Tomorrow at ten, yup.  There's a room here in the Luxor waiting on you."  He waved at McGee when he spotted him.  He pointed at the pool area, getting a nod.  "All of us are here but you and her parents.  They were going to shock you guys to death by showing up to announce it."  He smirked.

"He decided she'd feel guilty.  Exactly.  All set up.  No, she's sweet.  Very sweet.  She's in forensics but she plays naughty lab assistant to him now and then.  Exactly.  Sure, we're here.  Thanks, Jeannie.  Oh, just in case he didn't tell you, her parents are deaf.  So you'll have to speak directly to them, not be beside them.  I know you and Rod seem to be able to do that but you can't with them.  Yeah, she said they can read lips.  Good, see you then."  He hung up.  He looked at Gibbs since he was being stared at.  "She's known one deaf person but they got the implant.  She said she used to have to write things out to him because he couldn't read lips."

"That's fine then.  As long as she's not one of those narrow minded idiots."

"Nope.  Not in the least.  They're in the pool."

"Figures.  She likes him wet," Tony joked.  "Anything new come up?"

"We have her ring, we have her dress, his suit, we're waiting on his sister and her parents to show up, I'm not sure if she knows."  They all nodded.  "It's at ten tomorrow."

"That's fine," Tony agreed.  "We don't leave until nine tomorrow night."

"Cool.  Ronon and Tiff are out playing around together.  Carson and Radek are here somewhere.  We're here.  I'm the ring's guardian at the moment."  They all nodded.  "We'll probably meet for a semi-late dinner but nothing was planned for tonight like a bachelor party."

"Even better," Gibbs agreed.  "She'd probably spank him."

John smirked.  "He might like that."  They all laughed.  "Go play until dinner.  We'll page you."

"Works for me," McGee said.  He went up to his room to stretch out for a while.  Tony and Gibbs went to do their own things too.

***

Abby looked up at the wordless squeal, finding an older version of her staring at her.  "Momma?" she signed.  Her mother nodded.  She got up to pounce her, giving her a cuddle.  "He only said that he told you," she signed.

Her mother signed back, "Did you think you could sneak him in like that puppy you tried to bring home?"

"She did that too?" John teased.

Abby looked back at him, nodding with a grin.  "He was adorable!  And had fleas like I had no idea."  She looked around her mother at her father, waving hi.  He opened his arms, getting a hug back.  She signed at him quickly.  He snorted but signed something back.  "Daddy, he's not rude," she said when she signed.  "At least when he's not under pressure and things.  If he was that mean to me, I'd never have him as mine.  Xander would've kicked his butt by now for me."  Her father signed something else, making her blush.  "I'm not a big enough bad girl for him."  He laughed, giving her another squeeze.  She pulled her mother into it.  Then she walked them over.  "Guys, these are my parents.  I'm sure you can tell which one are which," she teased.

"Clearly, she gets her looks from her mother," Rodney signed slowly.  "She's still teaching me."

"Good," her mother signed.  She stared at him, signing something else.  He looked confused.

John nudged him.  "That was the 'I'll kill you and we have 'gators' talk."

"Oh."  He smiled and nodded.  "I'd never hurt her.  She'd kill me and use me to feed some nasty demon that she was trying to identify or use me as fertilizer for the walking shrub demon George."

Her mother giggled, hugging him around the head.  She sat down beside him.  Her father sat beside John, talking to him.  John was learning from Abby too but he was a bit better at it since he had nothing better to do than to learn new things.  He introduced the others, getting them nodded at.  Tiff was signing slowly, more slowly than Rodney was, but that only made her parents happier.

A female sigh of displeasure floated over to them.  "They already like you?  It's a shame I can't beat you to death for surprising me this way."

"We almost showed up on your doorstep to tell you then," Abby offered.

The other woman stared at her.  "You're not what I would've expected my brother to go for," she admitted.  "But you're adorable."

Abby smirked.  "Smart too."

"Of course you are.  Or else I'd have heard rants about having to go over science things with you."  She sat down, smiling at the parents, signing just as quickly as they did.  They smiled and greeted her back.  "Yes, he's my dorky brother," she shared.  They laughed and shook her hand, talking about Rodney for now.  Then they'd talk about Abby later.  That way both sides had shared enough information to keep the future spouse slaying down.

Tiff excused herself, going up to get some more soda.  John followed her.  "I'll be all right at the soda machine."

"You won't be.  Radek told me that evil genius wannabe tried to get you earlier."

"Yup, and I sneered back," she said with an evil smirk.  "He was very upset when I criticized his skills in planning assaults and grabs.  Said I couldn't know what I was talking about.  I kindly told him how you and DCIS Agent Harris had taught me strategy.  He went pale and ran off.  So apparently he knows about Xander too."

"I'll have to find out why."  He walked her back there.  "Radek, how did that being who wants to be you know about Xander?"

"His myth is slowly spreading around the universes," Carson said dryly.

"Yes it is," Abby agreed.  "Which wannabe?"

"The evil one who wants to take Radek's life over from him to make his own feel worthwhile again," Tiff told her.  "He tried to talk to me earlier and I sneered.  So he tried to grab me.  I critiqued his try.  He was *very* upset at that."  She took a drink.

Abby shook her head.  "Let's not go home with Xander-style stories, okay?  Please?"

"Never happen," Tony assured her.  "None of us will be going to the live action D&D game."

"Good point," John said dryly.  Radek made squeaky noises so he looked where he was pointing.  "Abby, isn't that....."

"Oh, yeah."  She texted the problem to Greg's phone.  She had him in her contacts list, she had made sure before they left the base.  A few minutes later, two officers walked in with Greg behind them.  He smirked at her and winked before saying something to the woman with the high powered man.  The succuba went to demon face and hissed.  The man gave her a horrified look.  "Talk about sucking dry in multiple ways," Abby muttered, cracking her mother up.  She signed what was going on.  Her mother rolled her eyes but accepted it.  She went back to grilling Rodney with his sister's help.  Abby looked up as someone came over.  "Hi, Greggy."  She gave him a hug.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome.  Tiff, can we maybe borrow you later?  We have a small...issue on the other side of town that's apparently high and not doing anything illegal, yet."

"Sure."  She finished her soda and stood up.  "Guys, let me go be a slayer.  I'll be back in a few hours."

"Watch her back," Ronon ordered.

"I know.  Xander will pounce and beat me if I don't."  He walked her off.  Gibbs came with her.  "She shouldn't need a watcher."

"They go out in teams, no matter what, Sanders."

"That's cool.  We like that," he assured him with a smile.  "Like I said, he's not breaking the laws but he's annoying.  I'm hoping she can send him off."

"If I can," she agreed.  He got them into his official SUV and took them that way.  He pointed at the thing snarling traffic in the suburban area.  She sighed as she got out, walking over to it.  "Do you mind?  There's kids who don't want to see you procreating with the car."

"What're you?" he demanded, sniffing at her.  Then he belched.

She waved a hand in front of her face.  "The Slayer Tiff."

"The one who went far away," he said wisely.

"Yes, but we're in because Abby's getting married this weekend.  You're taking me from my bridesmaid duties.  Do you mind moving into the desert?  Where no one can watch you taint their gas tank?"

Gibbs walked over.  "It's usually harmless to people."

"It smells like scotch.  It's drunk and having fun."  She glared at the demon.  "Shoo.  Otherwise the LVPD is going to call Xander off *his* weekend off with his new lady friend.  That means you'll have him frustrated from lack of sex."

The demon groaned.  "Fine.  I will move.  May I have this one?  She's a delightful lady."

She looked at Greg.  Who shrugged and talked to the car's owner.  He had to check with his insurance agent but he said to go for it.  "Go ahead," she said when Greg nodded.  "Just take her away from everyone else.  You're upsetting people.  Including little kids and you know we don't want them to have to watch you do that."

"I've heard Harris is studying that."

"No, one of Fargo's former coworkers is, he asked Xander to help him find people to talk to about it."

"Pity.  He would have fun finding out."

"He'd make them just as loud as he makes his current one."

"True.  He ran me out of where I was playing too."  He walked off with the car still stuck on him.  He was having fun with her.

She groaned, walking back to write a short report for Greg, getting a smile.  "Xander drove him off with the noise he and his lady friend were making?"

"Xander's already been told to gag her twice tonight," he assured her.  "She pulled her credentials and told the nice officers she had helped save the city earlier, she could be as loud as she wanted.  They weren't going to argue with an agent even if he did groan at that pronouncement.  He did promise to try though."

"Excellent.  Now if she turns stalker after this weekend, we'll know why."  Greg snickered but drove them back.  "Thank you for the backup, Gibbs."

"Welcome."  They walked into the hotel a few minutes later, finding three demons in there demanding to talk to Abby.  "Why?" he asked from behind them.

"There's a slayer in town," one said hotly.

Tiff wiggled her fingers.  "And here I am."

They stared at her.  "Which one are you?" one asked.

She smirked.  "Tiff."

The one on the right nudged the one next to him.  "She's the one who went away."

"Yes, I did.  They're all here too."

"Oh," the middle one said flatly, staring at her.  "We don't want any trouble."

"Then don't make any.  I'm in for Abby's wedding.  I don't want to have to handle sitches this weekend."

They conferred then looked at Gibbs.  "Watcher?"  He nodded.  "Gibbs?"  He nodded again, smirking now.  "Would you talk to the ones who are doing bad things?"

"Just give them a lecture or handle them?" Gibbs asked.  "We're both in for Abby's wedding."

"They should only need talked to but they are stealing," the one in the middle said.  "Like that movie with the turtles.  They have made their own ninja gang."

Tony walked out to stare at them.  "Is this a case or this an issue?"

"We would want them stopped, but not arrested if possible," the middle one said.  "If they must be, so be it, but they will be handing it back if you present it right."

Tiff sighed.  "Let's go scare them straight, Gibbs."

"Fine.  DiNozzo, we'll be back soon."  Tony nodded, making a hand motion.  "No, stay.  If we need help, we'll call."

"Sure."

"Oh, someone already told Xander to gag her.  Twice," Tiff told him with a grin.  "She told the officers she had helped save the city, she could be as loud as she wanted to be."

Tony walked off snickering to share that with the others.  They took Tiff and Gibbs to the 'secret hideout', it even had a sign over the door, and let them bust in there to scare the crap out of the teenage demons.  Within three hours they had carried everything to present to Greg and apologize for it before going back to their clan.  Tiff and Gibbs went back to the hotel to shower and hit the bed for the night.  She wasn't used to slayer situations anymore.  She was used to military situations.  Having one watcher instead of a team behind her was odd.

***

Abby looked outside her dressing room at the chapel, frowning.  "Not now," she muttered, opening the window.  "Are you here to get married?"

The demon bowed to her.  "We wish you most happiness with your loud one, but we came to warn you that the demon who wants your husband and his playmates is here also, smart one."

"Aww, thank you.  I'll warn him in a few minutes."

"Many happy blessings on your womb."

"Some year.  Xander said we had to give him time to have some to make our child less geeky."

The demon leaned down to look at her.  "His children are a scary thought to all of us, hellborn and not, smart one."  He smirked.  "There are many that would change planes if that child came to be."

"He said the same thing about mine."

"Many blessings and happiness then."  He stood back up and walked off.

She shut the window, leaning out the door instead.  "Tiff....."

"I heard and warned John already.  Finish your hair, Abby."

She closed the door and went back to it.

"Why does a demon like us?" John asked in the hallway, walking up to where Tiff was guarding the bride.

"I have no idea.  Maybe it's that stupid one in the hole?"

"Maybe," he admitted.  "Though it seems to like Fargo with the way the last thing landed at his feet."

"It was neat to watch him hop around and throw a fit."  They shared an evil smirk.  "She's about halfway ready."

"He's shaking and unable to do anything.  Mother?"

"Mother.  You get his sister?"

"Of course.  I'll get them both.  You make sure he doesn't have to build anything too huge to get her back?  And that we don't need Xander?"

"Gladly."

He walked off happier.  "Jeannie, his immense brain has now forgotten how to tie a tie."  She huffed and went to help him.  He looked at Abby's mother, who smiled and went to check on her daughter.  "Girl rituals," he signed, getting a laugh and a nod from Abby's father.  He went back to helping Rodney calm down.  "Do I need to find liquor?" he asked.

"Again, this is not happening in your part of the country," Rodney complained, swatting at his sister to make her quit fussing.  "I can tie my own tie."

"You haven't managed it in thirty minutes," John reminded him.  "It's about time to go."

"Damn it," he muttered, finishing up and moving onto his hair.  It needed to look nicer today.  Jeannie huffed and pushed him into a chair, doing it for him.  "I can..."

"Shut up, Meredith."

"Fine."

John put the ring down in front of Rodney.  "Focus on that and how you'd have to special order another girl that fit you so well."

"I didn't know that someone was making robot brides," Jeannie teased.

"Xander, Abby, and Dean did build one for a returning spirit," John told her.  "She's very sweet."

Jeannie shook her head.  "I don't want to know.  The more I hear about that Xander guy the more I worry about you guys being bored."

"Quite possibly," John admitted.  Rodney was staring at the ring.  "It's all cleaned, polished, all the stones are secure.  I had the jewelry store in the hotel make sure," he promised.

Rodney looked at him.  "Thank you."

"You're a lot less grumpy when you have Abby and sweets," he said with a smirk.

"Well, she is my sweet of choice," Rodney said.  He looked in the mirror.  "Jeannie!" he complained, taking the brush to undo the geeky hairstyle she had made him have.  It got fixed and he stood up.  "Deodorant, clothing, hair...  What am I missing?"

"Teeth," they said in unison.

"I doubt she wants two-hour-old onion breath during that special kiss," John added.  Rodney hurried to do that and not get anything on his suit.  John heard a tap and looked out the door at Tiff.  "She okay?"

"Better.  Her mom got her calmed down.  We're going to the room now."

"Coming.  She's going to be hidden?"

"Huge screen out there for that purpose.  That dress really does suit her very well."

"Cool.  Will it go with his suit?  He has a dark green one too."

"It's perfect."  She smiled at Rodney.  "Ten more minutes."  He nodded.  "Time to go."  He walked out, John and Jeannie behind him, John pausing to grab the ring.  Tiff smiled as she walked out to where Abby could see him but not be seen back.  "You even picked complimentary colors without talking about it.   You really are well suited to each other."

Abby smiled.  "Thanks, Tiff."

"Welcome."  She patted her on the hand.  "Now, you remember that they put the electronic sign up so your parents don't need a translator, right?"  She nodded, making sure her parents knew that.  Her mother gave her a hug and went to sit down.  "Time."  Abby took her father's arms.  Tiff took her flowers from their 'helper' from the chapel with a smile.  "Thank you."  She did one last check of Abby.  Then she walked up to the door and opened it for them.  She walked in.  Rodney stared.  She winked, moving to the end and into position.

Abby and her father walked up to the doorway.  Rodney gaped in awe.  She could tell it was awe, which made her happy.  The sundress with the subtle blue flowers on the lighter blue background was adorable.  A bit too girly for her but fairly nice.  A bit flirty and showy according to Tiff but Rod apparently liked it.  She walked up with her father, letting her father hand her over.  She signed at him, getting a hug and a kiss on the cheek back.  She turned to look at her boyfriend.  "You sure?  You're insane to want to live in my lab with me."

He smiled.  "I think you're the insane one for wanting me, neurosis and all."

She grinned.  "You're cute even with them."  They turned to the minister.  "Okay."

"We're gathered here to witness the merging of these two wonderful people."  He smiled when they snuck a look at each other.  The sermon wasn't long.  It was sweet, which he had picked out saying she'd like that more.  The ring was beautiful and she sniffled at the sight of it.  It was a bit tight but it fit well enough.  The kiss was slow, sweet, gentle, and interrupted by an explosion.

Tiff sighed and looked at John.  "I stupidly didn't bring any weapons."

"I did," he offered.  "I know better.  Especially with Xander in the city."

Sure enough, Xander jogged in and gave Abby something.  "The demon lord who just appeared from hell is very sorry and I know I'm not a slayer so let's not bitch.  I did stop him wishing children on you too soon, and by the way, all of hell is very happy for you he said.  It keeps McKay from creating problems that might not release the one trapped in the portal.  Oh, and one last thing," he said, staring at McKay.  "You hurt her, the slayers won't have a chance.  Am I clear?"

"Quite but I have no intention of ever hurting her on purpose."

"Good!"  He grinned.  "So happy wedding night.  The local demon casino is very happy and throwing a party in their club in your honor tonight.  The hell lord is now gone.  Oh, and Dean's here too."  He waved at Tiff.  "Relax, not needed."

"Like Georgia?" she asked.

"No."  He smirked.  "Like someone summoned because they wanted McKay for themselves to keep their very own super smart geek who can build bombs.  Clornia's boss said that she did very good work."  He beamed and left.  "We'll be at the demon casino."  He looked at John.  "I convinced the same person that he didn't really want Radek either.  He thought for sure the two of them would build the bio bombs he wanted.  Then he could take over Radek's life and job."  He closed the doors and left them alone.

Abby looked at Tiff.  "Well... It's an interesting end to a wedding."

"I'm glad I didn't need weapons in this dress."

"Me too."  She kissed Rodney again.  "No one gets you but me, mister.  Ever again.  They take you hostage, the galaxy had better beware."

He sniffled.  "I think that's the nicest offer I've ever gotten.  No one's even threatened to destroy people for me.  Because of me, but not for me."  He kissed her again.  "Come along, we have dinner waiting on us."  They cheered and left.  They could walk around the mess Greg's lab was cleaning up.  He looked.  "Much smaller than the one in Georgia from the tapes."

Abby stared.  "Yeah, but he's a weenie."  Greg snickered from where he was working, shooting her a grin and then a look of awe.  "You like it?"

"It's a beautiful dress, Abby.  Congrats.  Many happy years working in the lab together making things to tease each other with."

One of his coworkers looked over.  "Oh, hey.  Aren't you guys...."

"On vacation," everyone said in unison.

"Gotcha.  That insane guy Harris?"

"Demon casino," Tiff told him.  "With the loud agent he was playing with."

"Maybe them doing reports will keep down the noise complaints tonight," Greg quipped.  "Shoo, go do happy things."  They ran off to the rental cars to head back to their hotel.  "She's a very nice lady.  Very sweet but she'll gut you with a toothpick if you upset her."

"That's probably good for them then," Warrick decided.  "Why am I helping you do this?"

"Grissom said so."

"Oh, yeah."  They finished up and the coroner took the body away too.  Very quickly done.  Not like they didn't know the cause of death.  They even had the begging scientist that had summoned it.  Harris had told him to turn himself in or he'd get to play with him.  He had begged for a crowded cell full of people who would rape him night and day instead of facing off with Harris again.

Radek looked at John later that night.  "Am I surprised that one went that far?"

"Jealousy has motivated people more than anything but war.  I'm surprised it took him that long."

He took another drink of his beer.  "I miss good european beers."

"I heard you guys have better beer."  He smiled.  "Think they're going to be asked to be less loud?"

"On their honeymoon?  Even I know that anything goes that night."  He smirked at John.  "We should go serenade them like they do in the old country."

"He'd gut us," John told him.  "She might do worse."

"True," he admitted.

"Boys, Rodney asked me to make sure they didn't get bothered tonight," Carson warned.  "I'm to sedate you both if you get bad ideas."

"Fine, spoil our fun," John said with a slight pout.

"That fun, yes.  Go pick up some easy, loose woman in the club, boys.  Come home with something that will make House cackle in glee."

They smirked and went to do that.  They were still dressed up from the wedding.  It was something they both needed.  Maybe they'd find some mortal goddess who would let herself be dirtied by them.

***

Tiff was walking down to the soda machine when she heard Rodney whimper.  She paused by their suite's door, listening.

"You look like a virgin sacrifice," he moaned.  "There's no altar, I have no intention of stabbing you in the chest with my knife, but you do need an altar."

"That's why the bed has pale gray silk sheets," she teased.  "A fitting altar."  He groaned, sounding like had lifted something too heavy.  "Rod, you can't carry me that far, dear."

"Shut up, Abby.  Yes I can."  The sound of squeaking springs.

"I guess you can.  You have a knife?"  He let out a deeper groan.  "I like that one even if it's not real sharp and pointy."

"I love it when you're in these moods."

"It was this or the leather pants, halter top, boots, hat, and fake whip."

He groaned deeper.  "Oh, my love.  Your naughty ideas do rot my mind away from scientific thought."

Tiff walked off shaking her head.  She did *not* want to know!  She called Xander.  "So why did he summon a demon lord to take them?"  She listened to his explanation and Clorina's giggling.  "You did tell her the girls would have to approve of her, we're not giving you up so she has a really nosy family, and if she treats you wrong, we like weapons just as much as you do?"  She smirked because he handed over the phone.  "Dear, Tiff, one of the slayers.  Yes, that one.  You do realize that all of the slayers look at Xander like a big brother?  That we will be meeting you, you will have to pass muster among most of us, and we do like weapons just as much as he does?  He's taught us a lot about artillery."

Someone coming up the hall gave her a dirty look.  "Shovel talk," she said with a wicked grin.  "Exactly.  So if you're going to debauch Xander, you'll have to do it for real, dear.  No, three weeks is more than casual fun.  If you flew all the way to Vegas to see him on a weekend off, then that's not casual.  That's bordering on addicted.  Exactly, and we do want to meet you.  After all, he does background checks on our boyfriends.  Sure, we can do that."  She hung up and called Brenda.  "It's Tiff.  Clorina is coming in for lunch on Monday to meet most of us so we can approve or blow her to bits for teasing Xander evilly.  Oh, so many problems but at least they waited until after the wedding.

"Then Xander promised to kill McKay horribly if he hurt her after telling her about the guy who's jealous of Radek summoning a demon lord to get them all for him.  Yup, all three of them.  No, we're here.  They're making noises I'm not sure I want to know about," she admitted.  "We did take tape, yup.  Sure, see you Monday."  She hung up and finished her trek to the soda machine.  On the way back to her room she decided to say 'fuck it'.  She was eighteen.  She was in Las Vegas.  She couldn't drink but she could still club and there was no way Ronon or John would stop her from finding a bit of fun in the clubs.  If it was good enough for Dean, Xander, Sam, and a few of the agents, it was more than good enough for her.  She went to change into the slinky dress she had found, then snuck out of the hotel.  Ronon was outside looking around but she managed to get around him too.

But not Gibbs and Tony.

Tony spotted her and motioned her closer, giving her the once over.  He opened his wallet and handed her something.  "Use them or I'm telling House and Ronon."

"Yes, sir," she sighed.

Gibbs stared at her.  "Be responsible, be practical, do not do things that will get you in the press, the morgue, or the police station."  She nodded slowly at that.  "You get caught drinking underage and I'm letting them keep you until Xander bails you out."

"Yes, Gibbs," she sighed.

"Don't go to the one near the Knights.  Or Circus Circus, they're lamer," Tony said, "and for older people."  She beamed.  "Teenage and college aged kids clubs by UNLV or up the strip on the east end."  She hugged him and went for a cab.  He looked at Gibbs.  "I remember her being angry, pouty, and nasty.  She's changed a lot for the better."

"She has.  She deserves a lot of credit for it."  They finished their hike back to the resort.  "Ronon."

"You look relaxed," he greeted.  "John and Radek are in the club here."

"Tiff went to a college kid club."  Ronon growled.  "She's an adult, Ronon."

"She's still...."

"Like your little sister, but she's more than old enough to pin some guy to the ground if she wants to.  The same as you were at her age."  Tony stared him down, getting a grumbling nod.  "Good.  Interrogate her tomorrow.  I'm sure John will."

"Probably."  He looked inside then at Tony.  "That language they were using earlier with her parents?"

"They can't hear," Gibbs told him.  Ronon nodded he got that part.  "A few decades back, someone came up with a sign language for their use.  It's not that hard to learn."

"It would help if we were captured as well?"

"It would," Gibbs agreed.  "I've used it that way."

"Is it hard to learn?"

"No, there's classes, books, or tapes to learn it," Gibbs assured him.  "If you ask the base you're on, they might have someone who can teach you or get you the books."

"That sounds worthwhile then."  He smiled.  "Thank you, though I will be making her sorry if she comes home like John did the last time he went to a club."

"She won't be able to drink.  They check ID's," Tony said smugly.

"Even better.  I don't like her finding some easy boy to pounce.  It ruins her training."

"It seems to have helped Faith."

"Hmm.  Buffy too," Ronon said with a growl and a smirk.  "Thank you."  He went inside to call her.  She was bouncy, fashionable, but she pounced very well and understood what he had been through.  The same as he understood her duty.  Plus she fit very well in his lap because she was so tiny.   It was easy to hold her up when he ran her into the wall to have sex too.  He had to walk past the suite Abby and Rodney were using, shaking his head at the talk of sacrificial brides.  Humans were strange sometimes.

***

Daniel found Xander walking in and stopped him.  "At least you waited until the end of the wedding."

"It's not my fault the idiot pulled up a major demon to kidnap McKay, Radek, and Sheppard."

"Not Abby?"

"He'd take her for other reasons he said.  He wasn't sure which reason he wanted Sheppard for either, but he knew he wanted him as part of his geek trio."

"Oh."  He grimaced.  "Thank you for saving them."

"Clorina pointed them out."

"Uh-huh.  How is that going?"

"Tiff told her she had to pass inspection with the girls.  Unfortunately it won't be today.  Her boss is sending her to Syria."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not.  She's fun, but I wasn't getting that attached.  She's a bit more wild than I am.  I almost felt old.  After four days of constant sex, my back ached.  It never did that with Anya."  He walked off shaking his head, heading to the infirmary.  "House, are you getting too old to have casual sex if your back starts to hurt after four days of it?"

House stared at him.  Wilson too.  "No.  Just the marathon sessions.  Instead, take longer, Xander."

"Oh, good to know."  He grinned.  "It never ached like that after a week of Anya pouncing me.  Though, Clorina is a bit more kinky than Anya was," he mused, considering it.

"Xander, do we need to make sure she didn't drug you or something?" Wilson asked.

"No, I get this from him a lot," House told him.  "That's why a lot of demons think I've adopted him."

"Ah.  That explains that thought," Wilson said, getting stereo glares from both of them.  He just grinned back.  "You can be a lot alike, guys."

"Casual sex is good as long as you're not tied down in a relationship but when you get older, you learn to take more time during the act and a few more naps between."

"We spent eight hours out of bed on Saturday."

"Uh-huh.  Taking down what?  I heard part of that story."

"She called me there because she found a case that lead back to a demon underground mafia sort of figure dealing bio weapons.  She decided she needed to know more about the demons and didn't want to bother the local liaison."

"Uh-huh," House repeated.  "So you went, worked the case, took an extra day, found someone stalking Zalenka had summoned a higher demon how?"

"It thought I was Sheppard for a few minutes.  We were at lunch making sure nothing happened near the chapel so Abby could have a quiet wedding.  Which she did until the thing started to summon minions to take them."

House pointed at his computer in his office.  "Go do a report?  Please?"

"Sure, should I do one with the gory details that made you cackle like the last one or without?"

"Do one with then edit for Daniel," he suggested.  "That way we know if we need to look at your back, kid."  Xander smirked and went to do that.

A few minutes later Jack Bauer walked in.  "Is Xander hiding down here?"

"Doing a report," House told him.

"Xander?" Jack called.  He leaned out of the office.  "What did you do to Clorina?  She's pouting at me."

"Nothing.  She had to go on a case instead of coming to be vetted by the girls."

"She made a blood vow not to get hitched again," he told the younger guy.

Xander shrugged.  "I'm not looking for marriage, Jack.  You might warn her those can make her really sick if it stuck."  He went back to his report.  "Think you can proofread it since Fargo's going to squeak himself into an asthma fit?"

"Fine," Jack agreed.  A few minutes later, Xander came out with the printed pages.  He sat down to read it, blushing at some of it.  He was a commando but, damn!  "Does Daniel accept them with this sort of information?" he asked Xander.

"I usually end up giving him the edited version so he doesn't have to live on tums for a few hours," he admitted.  "House gets the unedited ones."

"It's... interesting."  He handed it back.  "A few double negatives."  He went back to his armory.  It was a bit more sane than Xander this morning.  Maybe, since Brenda was in there sniffling.  "Please don't cry on the weapons."

"I'm not.  She's mean and won't be in today."

"Her boss is sending her to Syria."

"Shoot, I wanted to threaten someone," she pouted.

"This is some strange hormone swing, Brenda.  Go have Tony find you someone to threaten."  She went to do that.  He made sure she hadn't gotten anything on the scythes she was cleaning, putting them back in their special case.  Maybe it was time for him to take a few days off to remember sanity.  Someone he knew fondly strolled in.  "Problems in Vienna?"

"Switched off because I'd rather handle problems here and there.  Xander?  Wes told me to check in with him," Gwen said.

"Infirmary editing his report for Daniel's consumption."

"That's cool.  What happened this time?  Nothing made the news from the airport."

"A jealous scientist summoned a demon to capture McKay, Sheppard, and Zalenka for him."

"Awww."

"During Abby's wedding to McKay."

"She didn't tell us?" she pouted.

"They snuck off to Vegas."

"Huh."  She went to check on her buddies, finding Sheppard in the infirmary looking over the report.  "Anything for someone with my significant and special skills to handle?" she asked.

Xander pulled her in for a hug.  "Not anymore.  Sorry, I didn't leave you any."

"Pity but there'll be others I'm sure."  She looked at John, who was giving her an odd look.  "She didn't tell us?"

"She didn't want a huge wedding.  It was nice.  We took film.  Everything was perfect until the kiss.  Then someone had to make something explode."

Xander shrugged.  "It was the obsessed guy's puny bomb, not mine.  He dropped it."

"What did you give Abby?"

"His power crystals."

"Is that helpful?"

"It means that no one can resurrect him or summon him back."

"That's very handy then."  He handed back the report.  "The edited version is a lot nicer.  I didn't need the mental porn, Xander."

"I did," House told him.  "Do we need to do a swab like we do most of the times Xander comes back from Vegas?"

"I only found one slutty girl," John said dryly.  "I play cleanly, doc, but thanks for wondering."

"So does he but he still comes back with a UTI about every trip."

Xander shrugged.  "Thank the disease blocking charm."

"Did that come off when Dawn removed the other spells on your balls?" House asked him, making Wilson moan.  "She did."

"She did," Xander agreed.  "As far as I know it didn't.  Why?"

"Making sure you're not taking stupid chances," he said bluntly, staring him down.

"I know I'm not her first, House.  We played very safely."

"Dental dam?" he asked.

"Um, nope.  Can't stand the things.  Most of those diseases you can taste or see."  He grinned.  "I promise, I didn't get anything from my commando.  I listerined as soon as I was done with that portion of my fun entertainment."

Gwen stared at him.  "She is?"

"She worked with Jack."

She walked off shaking her head.  "At least she's a bad girl for a good reason."  John snickered. She ran into Tiff, who was walking funny.  "Warm bath," she advised.

Tiff gave her a hug.  "I did.  Still sore."

"First times can be that way," Gwen admitted.  "Have fun?"

"It wasn't *great* or anything but it wasn't bad."

John stepped back to be in the hallway, staring at her.  "We did take precautions?"

"Hell yes!  I'm not going to end up off the project for spawning."

"Good."  He smirked.  "Should I be a nosy big brother?"

"Club."

"Cheezy," he countered.

"Yeah, but I'm not one to make it special with flowers, a weekend away at a hotel, all that stuff."  She shrugged.  "It was good enough.  The same as it is for many other people,  you included."

He shook his head.  "It should always be better than good enough for the first time," Gwen told her.  "Good enough is like tepid tea."  She smirked.  "Go jump one of the guys in town."

"None of them can hit on me.  Ronon growls."

"I'm sure he does," she said dryly.

"He's not the only one," Tiff said, waving a hand at John.

"Big brothers, huh?  I'm sorry."

"I have a whole galaxy of people who've never seen a slayer so they're in awe of my strength and stamina and I still can't get any."

John shook his head.  "You won't when we get back there either."

"Damn."  She smiled at Chase as he came off the elevator.  "I came for a painkiller."

He looked at how she was standing.  "We were careful, didn't get torn, nothing like that?"

"I was a virg before then."

"Not that sort of torn."

"No, nothing that tragic.  He wasn't that huge."

"Pity," Gwen said.  "Tiny dicked and mediocre.  What a sucky first time.  I'll see if Jack can introduce you to anyone."

She blushed.  "I don't need a bad boy like him or Xander," she complained.

Gwen shrugged.  "Maybe he knows some nicer guys."

"Maybe.  Make sure they're not loud like Xander's girlfriend?  She about drove us off base."

"Damn," Gwen said in awe.  Chase and John both laughed at her.  "I've never been that loud."

"Stella said she hadn't either.  Abby and Rodney didn't hear.  They were apparently busy.  Or being noisy themselves."

"Figures.  They're cute together."  She walked around her.  "Take another warm bath while everyone's gone."

"I'm planning on it."  John tossed her a bottle of painkillers.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He watched her get on the elevator so she could go back to her room.  Then he shook his head.  "Ronon's going to rant at her for doing that."

"He didn't seem like the sentimental girly sort," House told him.

John snickered.  "He's not but he's a fantastically overprotective big brother for her."

"Every girl's got to get it sometime," House said dryly.

"He won't agree with you on that."  He smirked.  "Anything else I should know to protect Radek or anyone, Xander?"

"He begged to be in a nice prison cell and said he'd never go near Radek or McKay again.  On penalty of all the slayers deciding he's a threat to them.  Apparently he's scared of girls. He begged for a cell full of rapists after I said that."

"That was nice of him," House decided.  "Out, go work."  Xander brought up both copies of the reports.  House shook his head, looking at Wilson.  "I got one of those reports from him after that D&D game too.  He had a lot of tavern wenches in that other realm."

"Uh-huh.  Vicarious fun?"

"A lot," he agreed smugly.  "So, how many ways can I blackmail you to stay?"

"Not many anymore."

House stared at him.  "I could probably find something."

"Cuddy wants me back soon."

"Cuddy needs laid."

"She's thinking about a baby."

"Ewww.  Even a cheezy one-night-stand would mean sleeping with her."

"I'm sure she's not a virgin, House."

"Then I pity the man.  She'll probably bite his head off after sex."

"As far as I know she's not like that one woman you said Xander dated."  He gave him a look.  "You've made a good family out here."

"So?"  He stared him down.  "I know a few slayers who like spanking.  I'll have them get you back if you leave.  They won't mind when John spanks them for it."

"You used to be more sneaky," he said dryly.  He stared at his friend.  House was miserable right now.  "Want to come with me?"

"I love it here.  Even if we are away from a lot of civilization."

"You can come for a vacation.  Cuddy wanted to know how you were doing."

"Maybe."  Daniel walked in, going directly for the painkillers.  "Fargo have a headache?"

"He's proofreading the more explicit version," Wilson said.

"Don't tempt me.  Someone in congress wanted to know what he was doing in Las Vegas this weekend.  I might send it to her."  Daniel gave them an evil smirk.

House snickered.  "I'm sure she'd enjoy that.  Is she on the team of the one that put the contract out on his life?"

"Yup."  He walked off with the vial, handing it over.

"The senator called back again," Fargo said, handing over that message before he could take the painkiller.  "I thoughtfully finished proofreading Xander's report and sent it to her."

"The longer or the edited version?"

Fargo gave him a look. "There were two?"

"One had sex details."

"Um, that's the one she got."

"Then I'm sure she's having a fond time reading.  Let me go be at my desk when someone calls to nag."  He smirked.  "Good job."

"Doctor Blake would've been mad."

"I don't care."  Fargo snickered at that, shaking his head.  "Sometimes you have to shut up paper pushers to do the job.  Jack does a really good job of that too."  He left, going back to his desk.  He found the other Jack in there.  "Booty call?"

"No.  Eww."  He got out of his seat.  "Tony told me to answer it so he didn't have to."

Daniel sat down, looking at the amused looking man on the other side.  The Chief of Staff of the White House.  "Yes, sir?"

"That report...."

"It was the first draft, sir.  Usually he removes all the personal information from them before I get them.  It's part of why we have a proofreader in Fargo."

"I see.  It sounds like he had fun."

"It would appear so, yes, sir.  He even said he came home a bit sore."

"Wonderful.  She's being assigned to a European section."

"To separate them on purpose?"

"No, she's needed to take one over."

"I'll let him know."

"She will I'm sure."  He scratched the back of his neck.  "I didn't think it was possible to do all that in one weekend.  Even at his age."

"Hunting does give you incredible stamina.  So does swordwork according to him, sir."

"Maybe I'll take up some fencing then.  My wife might like it."  He hung up.

Daniel looked at Jack.  He pointed at the screen.  "Yours?"

"Nope.  Didn't even hint."

"Crap.  Xander?"  He came in.  "The explicit version of your report accidentally got sent to DC."

He blushed a bit, ducking his head.  "I'm sure it's livening up the zombie-like people's lives.  Is it a problem?"

"No.  The Chief of Staff said he might take up some fencing."  Xander grinned.  "Also, Clorina just got a promotion."

"I heard.  It sucks but I heard.  She's in Germany."  He pouted.  "That's not fair," he told Jack.

"I didn't do it.  I may have had her recalled to duty so we could all get some sleep, but not that, Xander."

"Now who will play with me?"

"I don't know but hopefully they're less noisy," Daniel told him.

"Fine, I won't give great oral sex then."

"Thank you.  Go pout at Tony.  He was going to write some of his ex's for you."  Xander went to tell the others.  Horatio said a 'thank you, God' loud enough to be heard in Fargo's office.  "I think it's nice people find faith when they run into him some days," Daniel quipped, cracking Jack up.  Jack had to walk off shaking his head at that.  Daniel got back to work.  At least until the president called.  "Yes, sir?" he asked, looking up from his crossword of the moment.

"Is Harris really that insane?" he asked politely.

"No.  Why?"

"I read the report Fargo sent over."

"It was accidentally the expanded version."

"I can see that.  I had someone call the liaison out there.  Thirteen noise complaints?"

"After the second, apparently she told them she had saved the city, she could be as loud as she wanted, and produced her ID, sir."

"Are we sure he's not related to O'Neill?"

"As far as we know.  I can have someone do a paternity check if you want, sir.  Though, half the underground thinks that he's been adopted by Doctor House."

"I've heard that.  Please do.  So we know to make it mandatory he stay there, the ISC, or the SGC."  He hung up again.

Xander leaned in.  "I heard someone grumbling about me?"

"The president wanted to make sure you're not really related to Jack O'Neill.  Go do a cheek swab with House for him."

Xander snickered.  "I doubt he would've put up with my mother, Danny."  He walked down there, finding Jack in his office.  He hauled House in with him, making Chase give him funny looks when he grabbed him.  "House, Daniel said you've got to do a DNA thingy because the president thinks he's my real daddy and you're just my adopted daddy."

Jack choked and spluttered, shaking his head frantically.

"And that's why I brought you instead of letting you hear then tell him."

House moved to help the poor man.  "I doubt you are.  You're too sane to have been his paternal donor."  He went to get some swabs, coming back.  "Open," he told Xander.  He swabbed his cheek.  "Open," he said, opening the other one.

"We're not," Jack complained but House stuck the swab in his mouth.

John walked in with a list.  "Are we doing something screwy to all ATA carriers?" he asked.

"No, the president decided to be a smartass and thinks the brat there is my kid," Jack told him.

John smirked at him.  "He's a hell of a soldier, sir."  He looked at House.  "If so, then maybe they'll leave him alone for a bit?"

"Probably not.  Should we test you too since you get into Xander sort of trouble?"

"No thanks."  House walked off smirking.  He could traumatize Chase for hours with this one too.  It was such a nice present.

"No, Cuddy, House said I can't come back yet," Wilson was saying in his office.  "He said he'll have the slayers pounce me then tie me down."

"They're very good at it too," Chase told him.  "Some have been practicing for years to snare a new boyfriend or a problematic demon."

"Hopefully without the slaying at the end?" Wilson asked dryly.

"Depends on the boy now doesn't it?" House added in with a smirk.  "No, he can't come home because you let him date women that would like Xander."

Xander leaned in.  "There's evil women who like oral sex in New Jersey?"

"I don't know about the oral sex part, but there's a number of evil women.  I'm surprised you didn't hit on Cuddy, Xander."

"She was mean to you when she was here.  When I was out there last time she didn't even notice my flirting attempts.  Clearly she thinks that I'm not as good as I am."

House looked at him.  "I still have no idea what you did to make those women so loud."

"If you were a girl, I'd show you because you're evil enough for me," he offered with a smirk.

Chase burst out cackling, having to run to the bathroom.

Wilson told Cuddy that, making her hang up suddenly.  "She agreed I think.  Or she passed out at the thought."

"If I was an evil girl, she'd want to go lesbian to play with me," House shot back with a smirk.  Xander snickered at that.  "Go tell Daniel that one."

Xander took the elevator up and walked down to Daniel's office, leaning in.  "House said he had no idea why I made them get so loud. I told him if he was a girl I'd show him since he was evil enough for me, but he won't change, Danny.  He wanted you to know because Chase isn't really fit to do much of anything at the moment."

Daniel waved him off.  "Go work, Xander."

"No cases, boss," he said with a happy grin.

"Then help Philip with his demon sex research project."  Xander nodded, going to call him from his desk.  He looked at the person on his teleconfrencer.  "Sorry, sir," he told the Chief of Staff.  "Xander's mind is in a strange, bad place."

"I've met your Doctor House, Daniel.  He'd make a very good evil girl for your Xander."  He licked his lips while thinking.  "But I think the world might end.  Let's not give any witches any incentive to see if they can do that.  All right?"

"Gladly.  Did the senator who was complaining about him in Vegas stop complaining?"

"I think she's sharpening her stiletto heels so she can attract him.  She is a bit pushy and bitchy," he admitted.  "Think he might like her?"

"Isn't she married?"  He nodded.  "Then you can tell her Xander doesn't poach or break into couples."

"Pity.  Maybe she'd be happier after a weekend of tainting that way."  He hung up and went to share the joke with his boss.  Who cackled so hard the Secret Service guys were giving him worried looks while fingering their emergency buttons.  He noticed the two frontrunners of the next election there while he was calming down.  "Jokes from Jackson out at DCIS."

"Another emergency?"

"Report that got sent before it was edited for personal information."

"I've heard," one of them said dryly.  "They're all insane out there."

"Better there than the FBI, CIA, or any other project," the other guy said.  "Especially since I know the project Jackson came from and it was just about as insane as this one."

The current president wiped his face off, smiling at him.  "Someone joked and said that Jackson should set up Harris and that Anise person."

"I've heard about her from the reports.  That's probably not a good idea for our security."

"Maybe he'd make her less evil like he did that one agent who was supposed to kill him," he offered.  "I know he was seeing Clorina, who worked with Bauer, until she got posted to Germany this morning."

"That would explain that report," the other guy said dryly.  "Jackson's old project?"

"Unless you got cleared to be on the oversight panel or you get my job, you never heard of it," the president told him simply.  He nodded at that.  "We have that talk about who's where and what's going on so we have a simpler handover, don't we?"  They both nodded.  "That's fine.  Let's get some milk.  I never really liked milk until I took this job.  Now I have a glass every few hours.  Some world leaders are crankier than that star on tv with the yappy dog."

The other two snickered.  They'd find out some time.

***

Sam Winchester woke up screaming from a vision.  He hadn't had one of those in a while.  He panted, rubbing his eyes.  Someone pounded on the apartment door before rushing in.  Xander.  He let the guy soothe him into calming down.  "Dean?"

"Faith's room."  He sat across from him.  "I felt one start.  I had to get a tape recorder," he soothed, stroking his arms.  He turned it on.  "What did you see, Sam?"

Sam sighed, looking at him.  "It's going to be very bad.  That base assault is going to be the thing that hardens DCIS," he said quietly.  "There's going to be deaths."

Xander sighed but nodded.  "I know.  Tell me what you saw?"

Sam nodded, looking down again as he started to talk.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Captain Improbable.

Xander decided he was bored so he was going to straighten up his apartment.  Not like he had a hot date or anything.  He grimaced to himself, going to finish up his few dishes from midnight snacking during research of what was coming.   That demon in the portal problem was going to annoy him to no end if he didn't find more on it.  He decided to start the straightening in his closets.

Anya's trunks got heaved out so he could pull out the stuff behind them.  Then they got pushed into the back since the girls apparently weren't going to steal any more of them on her.  The shoes that had been hiding behind them got put in front and the pair of dress pants that had fallen got hung back up.  He'd worry about the wrinkles some other time.  Not like he was a guy who ironed.  That was Horatio, Don, and Mac.  He found a smaller box and opened it, smiling at the necklace inside.  It had been Anya's but she had apparently left it with him.

He put it into his jewelry box on top of his dresser.  The ring he had once given her was in there too.  He closed it after a long stare, then went back to his other closet.  The hall closet.  He saw the boxes in front of Halfrek's stuff and sighed, repeating the same process, pulling them out, pulling the stuff behind them out to be restacked.  He decided he was curious though and sat down to look through the boxes.  Anya wouldn't mind.  She knew he was nosy, the same as she was.

He found a few things and wondered at them.  "Hmm, alien sex toys?" he guessed, looking at one.  "Or weapon?"  Sometimes it was so hard to tell.  He put them aside, he'd embarrass House and John Sheppard by asking them.  He repacked the first box so it was neater and more compact - clearly Anya had packed since things were just thrown in there.  That box got pushed aside.  The next box had neater things.  Some books.  He looked up.

"Hey, Anya?  If I find something useable in Hallie's stuff can I bum it for a bit?" he called.  His phone rang with a text message.  //Make sure it doesn't get lost.  She had some ancient sextoys in one box I wanted to keep.//  "Okay," he agreed.  "Guess that answers that question about them."  Of course, in that same box was a few ivory dildos.  "Or maybe not."

He dug further into the box, coming up with a keyring that was making the old injury on his arm ache.  "Magic," he said, bouncing them in his hand a few times.  He put those aside with the books and the weapons/sex toys.  Underneath that was a few old outfits.  One looked like Willow's ritual robe so he carefully refolded them and put that back.  The third box had another few things that were interesting.  He put those into the second box and put them back into the closet.

The locket he found was magically protected.  It seemed to not want you to look at it.  He looked inside, seeing a miniature portrait of two children.  He smiled and put that back.  "Clearly someone she helped," he said respectfully.  He moved on to look at the others.  The books were nicely in various languages he didn't read.  But two were on demons, he could tell that much from the title page's pictures.  He put those aside so Daniel could scan them into the system and translate them.  He'd enjoy that.  That left the sextoy/weapons, a small silver box, a small black box, and that ring of keys.

He opened the black box, finding a small sucking spot inside it.  "What the hell?" he muttered, testing it with scrap bit of paper.  It got sucked in and disappeared.  "That's going to McKay," he decided.  "Just so he can drive himself nuts."  He moved onto the silver box.  It had a single gold, thick, long key.  He pulled it out and suddenly a keyhole appeared in front of him.  Gold plate, keyhole like for the skeleton key in his hand, matching scrollwork on the finger end of the key.  Xander carefully stuck it in there and opened it, gasping at the room *full* of books.

"Oh, my god," he whispered.  He closed it.  That was being taken to the library with the books.  The other keys he held up to midair but only one found a keyhole and that one was seriously warped.  He didn't want to know why Hallie had things like that in that room.  He really didn't.  He closed it and stood up, grabbing the books and the first set of keys, tucking the others into his pocket.  He jogged out and over to the library.  It was still early, Daniel would be in there or playing with O'Neill.  Yup, he was reading.  "Look at this," he said, pulling them to an out-of-the-way wall to do the key thing.  Nothing came up.  He huffed.  "This worked in my place."

"The library is shielded from magic," Thomas realized.  "Try the classroom, Xander."  He walked in there and the keyhole appeared.  Daniel gasped.  "I believe I know what this is.  Do not damage that key, young man."  Xander opened it and let him look at the books.  "Oh, dear, sweet lord, this is what I was hoping it was," he said in awe.  "Shield that key so it cannot be harmed."

Daniel left and came back with some styrofoam from something in the lab, putting it carefully around the key's end and taping it there.  "Where did you find this?" he asked Xander.

"In Halfrek's stuff," he said with a smile.  He held up the other ones.   "These too."

Thomas snatched them.   "A codex!" he said, clearly getting to the point of happy overload. "Oh, and three identification manuals!"  He gave Xander a quick, back-slapping hug and went to see if they were supposed to be in there.

Daniel patted Xander on the back.  "Thank you, I was bored," he said with a smile.

"So was I, that's why I was cleaning."  Daniel laughed.  "I even found something to rot McKay's mind more than the demon porn Abby was looking at."  Daniel gave him an odd look.  "I found a little sucking portal in a little black box."

"Get that to him before it eats someone," Daniel ordered.  "Any other revelations?"  Xander dug out the ring of keys.  He tried it with those.  Another key opened up in there but it went to a room of mementos.  He closed it and the room that he didn't want to think about.  The others probably went to trunks by their looks.  "If we find those trunks...."

"Anya might know."

"I'll see if she'll talk to me," Daniel said, tucking them into his pants pocket.  "Thank you, Xander.  Get that box to McKay."

"Yes, Daniel."  He jogged back to get it and brought it to Abby's apartment, knocking politely.  He walked in around her when she opened the door.  He squatted in front of McKay, opening the box and putting his hand over it, grinning at him.  "I found it in Halfrek's stuff.  Danny said you can drive yourself nuts but Anya said it has to stay pristine."

McKay moved his hand away from the sucking.  "That's not a wormhole."

"No, it's clearly not," Xander said, letting him take it.  "Don't break it."

"I won't."  He smiled.  "Anything else good come from it?"

"Another box had a key that opened into a library of some sort.  Danny and Thomas may not be seen for days."

Rodney snickered.  "Quite possibly.  I'll make sure we don't hurt this, Xander.  Thank you."

"Welcome."  He gave Abby a quick hug then walked off.  He went to get the other things, hearing House and John Sheppard in the cafeteria talking with others.  He walked them in and put them on the table they were sharing.  "Any ideas?  They were in Halfrek's stuff instead of Anya's."

House looked at them.  "If they're sextoys, someone was in pain."

John picked up one delicately to look at.  "I think this one was a weapon but I'm not sure.  It's sharp.  If they used it for sex, it was in a dungeon."

"I think that's what the other key went to.  It had a lot of things I had no idea how to identify, an iron maiden, and a few other things like racks and a lot of leather hanging everywhere.  But the good key went to a new library room."  Sam Winchester rushed out to go see that.  He grinned at them.  "So we're thinking weapons?"

"I'm thinking a weapon, yeah," he admitted, putting it down again.  The others got looked over.  They looked like weapons...mostly.  A few had handles that could have subbed as dildos.   "Maybe early dominatrix gear?" he decided, letting House have the other stuff.

"Could be," he admitted.  He held up one thing, it was a rod with sharpened spines up it.  "This would definitely cause injury."

Xander nodded.  "I wasn't too sure about hat bottom one," Xander admitted.  "That one I was pretty sure was a weapon.  I read something about it in Aztec or Mayan rituals or something like that.  Oh, I gave McKay a puzzle too," he told John.

"Wonderful.  Will we see him and Abby or him and Radek again?"

"It's a small box with a portal of some sort that's actively sucking.  It's about the same size as a small jewelry box."

John moaned, shaking his head.  "I'll make sure Abby knows to keep them eating now and then."  That last one got picked up and they all blushed.  It had some very graphic drawings on the main portion.  It was kind of built like a long bow in the front but the back was square instead of tapered and it had two dildo looking prongs on the 'wire' portion.  He shrugged.  "I'm guessing but I have no clue.  House?"

"People used to be shorter," he admitted. He considered it.  "A do it yourself one?  Pull on the handle to make it shift?"

"Maybe," John admitted.  He handed them back to Xander.  "Thanks for sharing," he said with a smirk.

Xander grinned back.  "You needed to blush.  It's supposed to be good for the skin."  He jogged out before either of them could try to grab him for that stunt.

John looked at House.  "Did I need the blushing that badly?"

"You could use some moisturizer," Calleigh said, trying to calm her own blush.  "Sorry."  She fled to have a personal moment.

Stella chewed the bite of dinner that had nearly been hanging out of her mouth since Xander had put those on the table, swallowing fairly quickly.  "Well, it's good he's not bored and won't go find a new case."

"He doesn't do library or lab work," House reminded her.  He looked at the poor colonel.  "Back when Anya's stuff first appeared, Dawn came in with some alien looking dildo to ask me what it did during dinner in front of everyone.  Now I know where she got it from."

"Clearly," John agreed dryly.  He stuffed his mouth, shaking his head a bit.

***

Rodney was studying the portal under a magnifying glass.  It was fascinating.  Radek took it from him.  "Hey!"  He snatched it back.  "When did you get here?"

"When Abby called so you'd go to bed," he said, taking it back.  "My turn.  Go please your wife while I take this to the lab to set up proper monitoring and controls."

Rodney shuddered at that reminder of his mistake on Doranda.  "She..."  Radek waved it off as he walked off.  Rodney went in there.  "He's right, we need good control parameters on that."  He took a kiss.

She stared at him.  "You look sad.  Why?"

"A very bad mistake he just reminded me of," he admitted.  He sat on the bed, letting her curl against his side.  "Abby, you know that the Zed PM making project has been a pressured goal for my team," he said quietly.  She nodded.  "Well, in that, there's been two great mistakes."  He sighed, looking down at her.  "And I feel you'll hate me for them."

She looked up at him.  "Did you commit genocide?"

"I don't remember people being on that planet," he admitted.  She gaped.  "I was trying to recreate something that was working until the computer lost control of the stream.  We nearly had a fully working new Zed PM at hand," he said quietly, stroking over her hair.  "I thought, in my childish stupidity and arrogance, that I could control it better than the computer did."

She sat up on her knees, staring at him.  "Someone got hurt?"

"Someone died the first experiment when the computer couldn't control it."  He looked at his hands then at her.  "The second a solar system mostly did.  Uninhabited but I still ...  I have no excuse.  Radek had every right to remind me of that."

She stared.  "So you goofed so badly that you destroyed a solar system?"

He swallowed.  "Which is why I fear you'll hate me."

"Rodney, was it an accident?"

He nodded.  "My hubris got out of hand.  I thought I could recreate what Ancients were doing without fully having their notes."  He gave her the most horrified, soul wrenching stare.  "I had no intention of it," he said quietly.  "Mine wasn't on purpose."

"You talk like there's been others."

He snorted.  "For that you should talk to Sam Carter.  Hers was a matter of survival and war."  He pulled her closer but she pulled back after a moment.  "I knew I should have told you sooner.  That way you could be ashamed of me without having to go through legal proceedings to be rid of me."

She sighed, pulling him to her.  "I need to think and process, Rodney.  I'm not divorcing you.  You didn't hurt anyone on purpose.  It's not like you were willingly committing genocide."  He shuddered.  "They put too much pressure on you over those things."  She let him go.  "Go make sure this one won't turn out that way.  Let me process.  We'll talk after breakfast."  She gave him a kiss on the cheek, watching as he nearly crumbled.  "Hey!  I said I'm not throwing you over."  She made him look at her.  She still had to process it.  "The man I married would never do anything like that *on purpose*.  I know you didn't mean to."  He relaxed some.  "Yes you should have told me sooner so I had more time to process than tonight, but that's okay.  We'll work through it together and it will not happen again."

"No, it won't."

"Good."  She gave him a small smile.  "Kiss me and make sure it can't happen again, Rod."  He gave her a desperate kiss.  She gave him the hug he needed then he went to make sure no mistakes were made this time.  She laid back down, considering that information.  Sometimes horrific accidents happened in science to create greater new things.  Sometimes it happened to prove to them that they weren't God.  Or in Rodney's case an Ancient.  She didn't like the act of war explanation for the other one.  She got up and threw on a better t-shirt over her jammie shorts, heading for O'Neill's apartment.  Conveniently in the building next door.  She knocked until he let her in.  "Tell me about that accident he had."

"He told you?"  He shut the door behind her.

"Just now.  Radek reminded him of it when he took the little portal box Xander found from him.  It looked like it destroyed him."

He nodded.  "It nearly did."

"And the other one he mentioned?"

"That.... was an act of war, Abby."  He led her to the couch so he could tell her.  She was McKay's wife, she was the head of the R&D department, she could find out by going into the computers if she wanted.  He also realized it had been that accident that had changed McKay enough for him to accept her into his life, thereby changing him more.  A catalyst of sorts.  So he told her about Doranda and the prior accident.

***

Abby walked into her lab the next morning, finding Rodney still staring at the box but Radek was crashed in a chair in the corner against a table.  He didn't move when he heard her come in.  She touched his arm, not getting any response.  "We should talk," she said quietly.

"I'm not used to talking," he said, looking at her.  Looking extremely tired.

"Well, I'm a sharer so you'd better learn, mister."  She walked him into the office once she made sure the containment system around it was secure.  She sat him in her desk chair then sat in front of him on her desk.  "I went to General Jack to ask what had happened."  He moaned.  "He told me about the pressure that you got and the other one.  All of you really."  He looked at her.  "He told me what happened, why, and how."  She licked her lips.

"I can't say as I'm proud of you for it, Rodney, but he did have a point in there.  That it changed you.  Combat did it too but that more than anything turned you from being the 'exalted' one to being Rod.  My Rod."  He slumped, staring at her.  "Now, I will say it had better never happen again.  Because I will kill you."  He nodded slowly, still staring, looking a bit confused.  "We've all made mistakes," she pointed out more gently.  "If I make a mistake in the lab, someone goes free or someone innocent goes to be tortured in jail.  In my hands rests life and death for some people.  You play with higher things, higher science.  In your hands rests the foundations of the universe."

"I realize that."

"Good!"  She gave him a hug then pulled back, giving him a sad smile.  "It did change you."

"It had to.  I knew...  I knew I couldn't replicate it, I couldn't redo it, that we've lost so much."

She gave him another hug.  "Shh.  It was an *accident*.  If it had been on purpose, I'd have already filed for divorce."  She pulled back to stare at him.  "Do you understand the difference?"

"Of course I do," he said, starting to get angry.

"Not the physical difference, Rod, the difference inside you.  The difference between 'it had to happen so we can go forward and learn how to do all that we lost' and 'I was trying my best and it wasn't good enough'."

He slumped, looking at her.  "It took that for me to see it," he admitted quietly.

"That's a harsh wakeup, but one you see in military guys a lot."  She sighed.  "I'm not mad.  I can't be mad about something that's not going on right now.  I'm disappointed that you were so ego driven at that point that you thought you could out-think a computer."  He groaned, rubbing his face with his hands.  "But I'm not mad.  I realize that we all have pasts that aren't really pretty to others.

"I've had accidents, nothing that serious or that's killed anyone, but I have made mistakes.  You, playing with such high energy things, your mistakes come out bigger than 'ooh, I was drunk and hit a light pole, nearly screwing up my legs for life'."  He stared at her.  "I was fifteen."  He gave her a hug.  She stroked over his hair.  "I want your promise, soul deep vow, Rod, that it will not happen again if you can possibly prevent it."

"You have it.  I've tried so hard to make sure that everything else would never cause a problem like that," he said against her stomach.

She stroked over his ear then went back to stroking his hair.  "I know you have.  Which is why I'm not dumping you."  He looked up at her.  "I can forgive you for it but you've still got to forgive yourself.  Because you can't forget it and you can't beat yourself up over it or we lose you to your fears.  Jack had a point there too.  They put pressure on you because you're brilliant.  Brilliant enough to solve world-wide and universal problems."

"Of course I am," he agreed weakly.  He was in awe.  She had...hadn't made it into an issue.  She had said she forgave him for it.

"We'll work together with Radek to make sure nothing like this can ever happen again.  Especially not among *my* people.  Got me here, second-in-command?"

He smiled.  "I can definitely be your second-in-command," he promised.  She kissed him.  He pulled her into his lap to hold her, just holding on for now.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome."  She pulled back.  "If you had told me sooner, I would've had the same reaction, Rod.  Really.  Not all of everyone are judgmental asses."  He gave her a weak smile.  "Most of those you dealt with had no idea the sort of pressure you're under to solve it because you're about the only one smart enough to do it."

"I realize now others might."

"Good!  Then let your mistake be a teaching point."

He nodded.  "I can definitely do that."

"Talk to Larry.  He's got some of the brainiest geeks out at Cal Sci.  He might even have a way around that problem between him and Charlie."

"It's classified."

She gave him a dirty look.  "Mister, I say what's classified and ZPM energy isn't.  Besides, they're on the staff as consultants."  She took a kiss.  "Though, Carter's little shit hole idea?  I don't like it.  I especially don't like that she didn't speak one word in defense of you."

He shrugged.  "She was involved in the military side, not the science side.  It was necessary at that time to save us all."

"And what happens if the explosion created ripples that went beyond that solar system?" she asked.  "Yours didn't."  He shook his head.  "You made sure?"  He nodded quickly.  "Did she?"

"No, but she went to drink herself into a stupor that night to make her mind defend itself for a while.  She had to."

"That's an option of desperation ad I don't like it.  It had better not happen again unless absolutely fucking necessary, Rod."

"It shouldn't have to," he agreed.  "She didn't have a choice."  She slumped but let him hold her.  "War is harsher than any other mistress.  It's a tragedy when people who have pure souls like yours get dirtied by the taint of it," he said quietly.  He gave her the cuddle they both needed.  "Why chew on me for that one?" he asked.

She looked up at him.  "If you can't go up and Carter gets moved off, who do you think is taking over on the base?" she asked.

"Someone you choose...."  He trailed off.  "Really?"  She smirked.  "Well, I suppose that would be brilliant for my career but it means I'd be in Colorado most of the time.  Plus we'd have a mutiny.  They don't really like me there."

"They only know the old you, Rod.  They haven't gotten to see this better, more comfortable, geeky you."

"I was just as big of a geek," he complained but he was smiling.

"Before you would've complained if I made you watch cartoons with me, not argued about which character was better."

"Perhaps.  You have taught me so much about how to live.  Before, existing was enough, now life is like the big bright sun that warms me when you're near."

She blushed.  "You don't have to get mushy, Rod."

"Sometimes a man feels like being mushy when the woman he loves is so astounding and soul repairing."  He took another kiss then put her back onto the desk, standing up.  "We think we've figured out what the portal is.  We think it's a spot of void."

"Really?  That's interesting."

"With what GD has, it means I can make a new Zed PM, safely.  With almost no risk."

"I'll be right there beside you," she said, taking his hand to hold.  He relaxed and nodded.  "Let's call Stark to let him know?"

"I can do that."  He walked her out to make the call for transport and then called Stark to let them know they were on the way.

***

Buffy walked up to Xander, poking him until he looked up from his casefile.  "I'm having a flashback to tenth grade."

He leaned back, staring at her.  "Why?"

"Remember how we got the codex thingy right before we found out I had to die to kill the Master?"

"Yeah," he said slowly.

"That Angel just happened to have waiting around for the right moment?"

He nodded slowly.  "I remember," he admitted.

"And now you just happen to find a key to a library room?"

"It was in Hallie's stuff that Anya had me store in the closet."

"Why did you go through it last night?"

"Because I was so bored I was cleaning the closets and got nosy?" he guessed.  "What's with the point, Buffster?"

"Xander, are you maybe feeling a bit...railroaded by a higher source?"

"No.  Should I be?"

"Yeah.  You just happen to win that D&D game?  After how many hundreds have failed?"

"I was a geek.  Probably the first one that went in.  All the others went in for the prize."

"No, I checked.  A few other geeks went but they went in with 'cool, this is great VR', whatever that is."

"Virtual reality, like being inside the game itself.  Like the movie _Tron_."

"Explains that," she said dryly.  "They couldn't get that far."

"Most geeks go in as the characters they play.  I went in to play, to have fun and relieve some stress."

"Uh-huh.  And no others did that why?"

"A demon casino wouldn't advertise on gaming boards.  Otherwise some of Fargo's coworkers probably would've won."

"You just happened to win a place in the Pegasus galaxy, where it could help the other military guys on base?" she asked.

"I didn't decide where it was."

"True.  But it's a bit coincidental, right?"

He shrugged.  "We all know that probabilities happen oddly around me, Buffy.  All of us really.  How many times have the odds been screwed with among the Scoobies?"

"Which was usually your fault," she reminded him.

"Okay, point," he agreed.  "Most of them were.  A few were Willow though."

"True.  Because only Sunnydale would have a temple to a goddess that could destroy the world in easy access for any witch with enough energy to pull it up.  Or an armory that was so pitifully guarded that two high school kids looking like they were going to make out could sneak into it."

He grinned.  "I had a cover story."

"I don't want to hear it."  She looked at him.  "You're becoming coincidence man, Xander."  He shook his head.  She nodded.  "The demon casino is even betting on it.  There's a huge board betting on when you pull up something that will fight off the spring's apocalypse.  Last time we had the artillery and all the extra yous."

"That was Calleigh's wish."

"Of more yous.  Not more slayers.  Not more Sam and Dean's.  You."  He shrugged, looking clueless.  "Because you taught them how to handle it in a field.   More Deans could've been helpful.  More Sams if he had gotten his powers to work then."  He slumped again.  "Faith and I were talking last night when Dean butted in and realized that it was all coincidences around you.  We're not sure why you."

He considered it.  "So maybe I'm being railroaded more subtly by someone other than the PTB?"

"We think so.  We're not sure why though.  Which is why we're talking."

"It's always helped you guys," he reminded her.

"I know that but I'm wondering about a few things.  Like the thing with Angelus?  You chose to not tell me."

He nodded.  "Because you couldn't fight him, Buffy.  You were emotional and torn up about him.  About what he had done to Jenny, to Giles, scaring Willow, stalking you, all that.  If I had told you, there was a good chance we would've lost you and everyone would've went to hell with him.  Did you want me to take that risk looking back at how tired you were then?  Especially with the threat from your mom that night?"

She looked back then nodded.  "True, I probably would've given him one too many chances, like I had before.  Is that why you really did it instead of just hating him?"

"I don't particularly like Angel, even to this day," he admitted.  "He and I will always have differences, including that I don't think his soul is what's stopping the psycho urges."  She glared.  "Think, Buffy.  How many souls are in prisons?" he asked quietly.  "For murder or even multiple murders?  It gave him a stopgap to stop and think and make a decision and I'm not so sure that he won't decide some day that Angelus had a point and it's necessary to protect humanity to go back there.  I'm easier about it because I know if he slips that way and decides it's that necessary Gunn, Connor, Fred, hell even Wes or the great loudmouth speaker for the Powers will step in and stop him if it has to happen."

"He wasn't there then."

"Cordy told him.  He admitted that to me when I admitted I was having a nightmare about him coming back."

She nodded slowly, sucking on her bottom lip for a minute.  "So you think he will?"

"I think a situation will call for him going psycho.  If we hadn't had all the slayers for the invasion I think that might've done it," he admitted.   "I knew even if there was the smallest chance that Willow could do that spell, which I don't think she should have been able to do in her condition, that he wouldn't have been mad for having stopped Angelus."

"No, I can see that," she admitted.  "You don't think her being able to cast that spell was a good thing?"

"Right out of a coma?  The only other heavy thing she had done was close the hellmouth and float pencils, Buffy.  What she did was basically like what she did to you when she resurrected you.  She pulled a soul and stuck it in a dead body.  Even if he was walking he was still technically walking dead."

She nodded.  "I never thought about that.  Do you think that had to do with her later problems?"

"I think, honestly think, that's about when she started to see that magic could cure anything and that people with power were respected but she never got that respect had to be earned and kept by being responsible with that power or you become a despot.  I think she saw a little bit of that with Amy's thing about manipulating others before she turned into a rat, but she looked at it more as 'I won't make her mistakes' sort instead of 'this is a clear warning of what happens when I play with the big dogs'."

"Then she went looking for more power because it made her feel more in control, less shy, all that," she sighed.  He nodded.  "How long have you been thinking about that?"

"Since Spenser asked me what I thought about her power and that got blurted out.  He thinks I might be right."

She nodded.  "I guess that makes sense but off the original point."

"I'm still thinking about that.  It clearly isn't the PTB.  I haven't seen Whistler.   Or Cordelia for work matters.  I haven't gotten the shitty surrounding life like most of their champions; I don't really have to atone for anything.  I'm not like Connor is because that's pretty obvious.  Mine's some training and practice, his is genetic.  The same as mine's not as good as Dean's is because he got more training than I did and less hands-on, desperation-learn-as-you-go training.  If there is something or someone higher guiding me, then they've been very subtle for years.  Right from the moment I tripped over you your first day."

She gave him a slight grin. "That was probably the best bruise I've ever had."

Xander put a hand on her arm.  "It's not just me, Buffy."

"What do you mean?"

"Dawn.  Clearly not the chosen one Connor is or any other sort of champion but how many times have we remarked that Dawn stumbled into something important?"

"A lot," she admitted.  "After she got over the whole grief thing."

"Which was a desperate plea for attention.  Something that Willow would've done.  She's got the same power levels that Willow could have had, or me if I had magic instead of hellmouth taint, and my instincts for finding the right thing in the books."

"So maybe whatever is subtly pushing you guys will make an appearance later on?  What if it's intended to make us fail, Xander?"

"Buffy, there's always a choice.  The same as Angel hasn't decided to go psycho, I don't think I have a point where I need it yet."  She stared at him.  "I doubt I'll ever have to turn to the dark to save the light.  I'm not going to turn into Deadboy Lite.  I'd stake myself first."

"So the magic library finding?"

"I got bored and decided to clean.  I know that's an apocalypse in waiting," he said dryly, cracking her up.  "I thought about doing it last week and didn't."

"Huh.  So maybe it's just a hellmouth thing?"

"It could be.  I seem to be the biggest carrier of hellmouth taint.  Phoebe told me that once."

"I think I should talk to them, see if they can maybe find out who's been doing the coinky-dink thing so often."

"Go for it.  Dawn has class until two."

"Thanks, Xander."  She stood up.  "And yeah, it was the right decision, even if it hurt really a lot then."  She walked off, feeling better.  That had been an old hurt.  Now, it didn't hurt quite as much because she realized he had a point to it.

Xander considered it then went to talk to Wesley.  He knew magic.  Wesley looked up from his desk.  "Buffy and Faith thinks that I've got my own version of PTB on my buttcheeks," he said quietly.

"I've often wondered at the way coincidences and improbabilities happen around you, Xander.  Do we think this is a bad thing?"

"Last night I got bored and cleaned."

"Oh, dear lord, the base will die," he said dryly with a smirk.

"And found a special magical key that opened up a library room."

Wesley gave him the oddest look.  "They're myths."

"The key was in Halfrek's stuff."

"Oh, I see."

"And Buffy correlated the whole D&D game thingy with it too.  Said it was pretty coincidental that I happened to win one that was just in about the right spot to help Sheppard's boys."

Wesley blinked a few times while he thought.  "That does seem odd in hindsight," he agreed.  "Completely strange."  He looked at him.  "Any other incidences?"

"They think it's been going on since way back when.  I think if there is, he's got a backup to whatever plan he has in Dawn."

"I've noticed some of those same traits in her," he agreed.  "Hmm."  He stood up.  "Let me do something?"

"I was hoping someone might be able to figure out who was guiding or pushing.  Because if they're the reason I've been so frantic to get my hands on high powered weapons, I'll go find some more.  I can't make more right now."

Wesley nodded.  "That may be a reason.  I think I might be able to look at your aura.  I'm not sure however.  The hellmouth taint might cover something up."

"Unless that's why I'm so tainted.  There's other hellmouth babies but they have less taint."

"Yes but the way you were born in close proximity and all that."

"But.... there's probably been others."

"Xander, they were probably killed for the powers inside them," he reminded him.  Xander slumped and nodded.  "I dare say the Mayor probably had something to do with some of them dying as well.  Hellmouth babies are wonderful sacrificial materials.  The inherent power in their blood, indeed every cell, would give you quite a jolt toward your goal."

"Then why didn't Willow pick up nearly as much?  With her magic sucking in to help aid her?"

Wesley shrugged.  "I don't know."  He went to get some things out of Dawn's working closet then came back to sit Xander down in the slayers' common area.  It was in the open and quiet at the moment.

"Please tell me we're not doing ritual magic?" John Winchester complained, coming out of Dean's office.

"Trying to see if there's a reason I'm a probability warper," Xander told him.

"You and Sammy both."

"Which blows the hellmouth taint idea," Xander pointed out to Wesley.

"John, get him so I can see if his was the taint of that demon or something else please?"  John went to do that. "If so it's been helpful so far."

"The girls were worried about being pushed from a higher peak."

"No, I doubt you could."

"Me too."

He nodded.  "Which wouldn't make any sense."

"Yeah but it was Buffy and Faith thinking about it and Dean realizing it."

"Still, it doesn't make any sense for it to be a harmful force to the slayers."  Sam came in and flopped down, taking off his t-shirt.  "You don't have to strip," Wesley told him.

"Yes I do.  I have three protection runes you'll have to negate," he said with a point at a little silver tattoo on his side, near his armpit.  "I got it after we destroyed the bastard so it couldn't happen again."

"Interesting."  Wesley cast the circle and got to work calling up their auras to look over.  There were many similarities.   He texted the trio of witches that Dawn had learned under, bringing Paige.  She was a white lighter, she could see more details than he could.

She appeared behind them, staring.  "Hmm."  She walked around them, looking it over.  "I'm not seeing any blessing or promissory marks.  I'm not seeing anything binding like they pledged or were pledged to someone.   Why is this a worry?"

"I seem to be coincidence man," Xander told him.

"I've noticed that.  We all wondered if that's where Dawn got it from."  He grinned.  "Sam, I see some more ...demon taint marks in yours but with that one demon that doesn't really surprise me.  Xander, who tried to offer you to someone?"

"Is this on the level of Angel offering me to Spike as a ruse?"

"Could be," she admitted.  She came closer, looking it over.  "I can see the bond's still there between you guys."  Sam groaned but nodded.  "It's probably not going to break all that well, guys.  Sorry.  Been too long.  Xander's to Dean and Abby too."  She touched something above Xander's head, nodding.  "He wasn't vowed to anyone that I can see, Wesley.  Maybe it's a natural thing?"

"Buffy and Faith think that something's been pushing the coincidences," Wesley told her.  "Like they have the Powers That Be and you have the Elders Council."

"Everyone's got a higher power," she admitted.

"Yeah, but Superman isn't my deity," Sam said dryly, looking at Xander.

"The way he's written does basically point to him as a deity."

"It does," Paige agreed to break up the good natured argument.  She did something to the spell, making it change the colors of their auras.  Ah, now she saw something.  "Yeah, there's a higher power but it's making you make choices.  So it's your own free will, it's just pointing at choices to make."  She checked Sam.  There it was.  "And it's a...  slightly good tainted it looks like."  She looked at Wesley.  "If I knew who it was I'd tell you but it doesn't look malevolent.  It almost looks...amused I want to say.  It's a darker color but it doesn't look evil or bad in any way."

Xander looked at her.  "Way back when we were told about the former Archangel Varcher, who had his own side and now wanted an army to get back at the other two sides."

She looked.  "This is a higher power but not that sort from what Dawn complained about it.  Same feeling, not on either good or evil but making you decide.  Like the writers of those books that have the 'pick a decision and go to page' things at the bottom?  The kids are loving those."  She smiled.  "It's your author for the 'pick a page' part."

"But fully not harmful, right?" Sam asked.

"No and it's mottled some of the demon's taint on you, Sam.  So has the bond.  It used to be much brighter when we first met you."

"Before the demon died?"

"Even after the demon died we could feel it was different.  It was easing way back when.  Probably when the bond started because it let some of it spread to Xander, which is why he got the visions from him all the time I'm guessing.  He set himself up as the guard shack for you guys.  The base, slayers, and the hunters here."  She smiled at him.  Xander grinned back at her.  "Probably not the best for him but that other marking doesn't seem to mind it.  I see a few other dark spots.  Probably bad decisions according to whatever it thinks."

"Or maybe when Willow hit me with all that magic?" Xander asked.

"Could be one of them.  One's earlier."

"I had to lie to Buffy because I didn't think she could handle the hunt she had to do to save everyone."  She looked at him.  "It was Angelus."

"That stuff, yeah, this is a bit later than that in your lifeline.  So maybe you went a bit too rowdy on the Initiative boys or something."

"Or it didn't like me making car fixing money on my roadtrip?"

"Could be," she agreed.  "Some higher powers are a bit prudish."   She grinned.  "It's not harmful.  And yes, I have seen the same thing in Dawn's.   We had no idea why."

"Probably from him?" Sam guessed.

"Or when she was created it decided she was a good backup plan," Xander told him.  "Which is what I thought, because there's some days she's like a mini me."

Paige nodded quickly.  "Yes there are."  She grinned.  "Not evil taint.  Maybe a gentle nudge to point out that there's an option for a choice."  She patted Wesley on the head.  "It's a good question."

"The demon in the portal was supposed to be on the same side as Varcher," Wesley said.

"I have heard nothing about that," she admitted.  "I can ask Dawn, see her research."

"I found a library room key last night," Xander told her.

"Oooh, probability flux," she said dryly.

"It seemed to happen around Sunnydale.  Angel just happened to have the codex about the defeat of the Master and told Giles about it a few days before then.  A lot of times things seemed to fall into place at the last moment."

Buffy peeked around a corner.  "So is it a bad thing guiding and pushing him?"

"No, it's not.  It's making him make choices like those kids' books where you pick a pathway."

"I remember those."  She came in.  "Sam too?"  Paige nodded.  "So, Dawn?"

"Probably," Wesley agreed.  "Since it looks neutral, it may end up leading back to...  Paige, could you check Fargo?"

"Probably pretty easily.  Why?"

"The demon in that portal sent his last gift from another galaxy at his feet and a lot of things where he lived," Xander told her.  "I'm starting to wonder about the things he dropped, if there's a reason he chose *those* things as a possible key."

"He was right there, shockingly enough, when Dawn got into trouble too, looking for her, and happened to hear a party up the street that she was at," Sam realized.

"That sounds like the same sort of probability flux," she agreed.  "Huh."  She walked off to check on this Fargo guy then hit the library to see if anything about this strange new demon was a problem they'd be called in about.

Xander looked at the senior slayers.  "They say it's not a bad thing.  So far it's seemed pretty decent."

"She said it's like a neutral party," Wesley told them.  "So no need to worry, a current mystery but not a problem."  He ended the spells, getting up and helping them stand.

"So it's like the Powers, only whatever is giving them more control, probably to see what they're going to do with it, and then making them decide if they're going to join a side?" Faith asked.

"It does sound like it," he agreed.  "The Powers tend to do more direct things."

"To screw up our lives," Buffy snorted.  "Yours is at least nicer, Xander."

"The only real question is if Abby's bond to us can be harmed by Rodney's bonding to her," Xander realized.  He looked at Sam, who groaned.  "You?"

"Yeah, I'll talk to her about that."  John came back in.  "The bond's too entrenched to ever go but whatever power is pointing out decisions to us, Dawn, and possibly Fargo, isn't evil.  It's more neutral, Dad."

"That's good but I wish that bond could be removed.  I can't see as it'd be anything but harmful when you're ready to move on to a real relationship."

"That's why I'm going to ask Abby if it's bleeding over into Rodney later," Sam admitted.  He stretched up then down.  "Paige did say that the bond had let the demon taint in me loosen a lot and slightly leak to Xander, which is why he got so many of those visions dreams."

"That's the reason!" he said, staring at Xander, who shrugged.  "That guardian thing you did, however you did it, should be removed before it hurts you, Xander."

"So far it's proven to be damn helpful," Xander pointed out.  "I was having slayer dreams instead of the slayers the other night."  He glared at Buffy, who shrugged and blushed a bit.  He rolled his eyes.  "So this thing may be related back to the whole 'other side' thing that Varcher and the portal demon has going on."

"Testing you to see which side you'll go on or if you can stay in the center?" John asked.

"That's an odd way of putting it," Sam said.  "I can see testing us to find our responses in case it's going to try to call us into a battle."

Xander nodded.  "Me too."  He sighed.  "We have to talk about slayer plans anyway for the base assault.  It's an even bet right now that it'll be a human force instead of a demon one.  We need to sit with Danny and all the watchers to make concrete plans."  John nodded.   "Today.  Even if we do have to pull him out of the library."

"I can get him and O'Neill into it," John said, going to find the others.  "I'll meet you in his office in about an hour, boys."

Xander nodded, looking at Buffy and Faith.  "If it comes down to a human one, you two are in charge of the youngers to make sure they don't face what you both did," he said firmly.

"X, you're not the head watcher," Faith said dryly.

"Yes he is," Wesley reminded her. "I don't want that sort of stress."  He looked at Xander.  "You think it might?"  Sam nodded quickly.  "Oh, dear, a vision?"

"A lot of dead bodies if we don't mitigate it," Sam admitted.  "I think we can change some of it to spare some of the bodies.  I can't tell if it's a human or a demon or even a mixed force," he told the slayers.

"So if it's human or mixed, then we'd be killing peoples instead of demons," Faith said, sighing at the end when they nodded.  "I get it.  Where?"

"Wherever you can," Xander said bluntly.  "As quickly as you can.  We'll be filling you guys in tonight when we make formal plans on how to evacuate the base if necessary.  You guys especially.  There's no way I want you involved in a base assault against humans."  They nodded, walking off.  "Sam, get Dean, meet us there?  I need a soda."  He walked off, considering things.  He hated being head watcher more than Wes did.

***

"Okay, I'm apparently the last for the pointless meeting," Gibbs said as he walked in with Dawn behind him.

"Hey," Xander said.  "Not pointless.  Sam had a vision about the assault too."  Gibbs sat down with a groan.  "Neither of us can tell if humans are involved, Gibbs, and slayers who kill humans go through a lot of hardship getting back on the straight and narrow."

"I can help fight," he pointed out.  "Humans and demons, kid."

"Which is why you're the first line of defense to let them head off."  He pointed at the map.  "From Sam's vision, it'll be starting here, instead of at the gate."

Dawn pointed.  "Why there?  That's not a weak spot in the wards."

"It is physically," O'Neill told her.  "Some covering brush out there.  A small hill that blocks our view, plus the buildings if you're in the right spot."  She nodded at that.  "If and when it happens, if you're here, you are to get as many of the slayers off base as possible," he ordered.

She looked at Xander, who nodded.  "It's possibly just humans and I don't know if demons will join in or not."  She nodded once at that.  "If there's something screwing up your magic, you are a watcher in training, you are to go with the girls, Dawn.  Gibbs is your first line of defense, holding them off the girls while you or you and John evacuate them.  He is the next line because he wants Dean and Sam behind him.  If you can't do it with a portal, you're the watcher in charge of the running.  Like after Sunnydale," he said quietly.

"I can do that.  I managed it then, I can do it now.  Just hide in town?"

"If you can.  If not, move farther and hit LA or Cleveland once you can create the portal."

"The point right now is which way the girls are going.  Gibbs?"

He looked at the map of the base.  "This old gate here.  It's sealed?"

"Locked," Daniel admitted.  "Not welded shut.  It's basically padlocked."

"Keys?" Gibbs asked.  "I'm not sure if all the girls can break a padlock."

"No but if I remember right, the fence next to it is wobbly," Dawn told him.  "If not, we can make sure of it as time gets closer."  He nodded at that plan.  She looked at Xander.  "You sure?"

"Yes.  A watcher's duty is his girls, beyond his own life.  The girls are the reason for watchers."

"I realize that, Xander.  You're uptight."

"We're not sure if the other side is going to come in and help or hurt.  Sam's vision wasn't real clear on what stops the humans he thinks he saw.  But they were stopped and we think someone's going to take advantage of the diversion.  Possibly a prison break, possibly not."

"Okay so we're to evacuate the girls, meet up at a point where we can regroup, watch to make sure the demons aren't getting out and handle that," John said.  O'Neill nodded.  "I can see that.  Gibbs, what sort of weapons do you want?"

"I'm more comfortable with a handgun anymore."

"Take some range time if you need to," Xander reminded him quietly.  "It's under the armory."  He smirked.  "I spend a lot of thinking time down there."

"That could help.  So the boys and Dawn run the girls to the town, where she can send the most delicate and youngest off.  Or we portal out, then come back with the older ones?"

"Come back off the base," Wesley reminded him.  "That way no slayer has to face the ripping problem of killing a human."

"Buffy was nearly destroyed when she thought she had," Xander explained at John and Gibbs' looks.  "Faith's was when she started to slip.  As we all know, doing humans is different than hunting animals, guys."  They both nodded at that.  "Some girls won't be able to handle that and we won't have time to do some quick therapy to help them at that point."

"So we'll get the girls out of harms way," Gibbs agreed.  "I'll be the front line, letting the girls go behind me. John's behind me as my backup and shoving them through the portal or through the slayers dorm to pick up weapons on the way.  They head into town, Dawn does a portal if she can, we switch off the girls who can't be in a battle for the senior girls in Cleveland or wherever."  Xander nodded.  "While the DCIS agents are handling it."

"And if demons show up during it," Jack told him, "we've still got most of it with what they carry.  Any military guys on base will be issued new carry loads as soon as they're settled in just in case.   You guys usually carry what they do."

"And this is why I've been in such a panic about having heavier weapons," Xander told them.  "Because I think this secondary force is going to need them.  I'm not sure why though."

That got a look from John.  "You've had more visions than feelings, right?"  Xander nodded.  "Anything concrete?"

"I keep getting a picture of Fargo for some reason.  I think he's there and I think he's ...maybe a target I'm not real sure.  I think the secondary assault might have him as a target.  Which is why he's getting more range time and personal instruction in weapons.  I'm going to get his friend Jo up here to make sure of it."

John nodded.  "That's a good idea," he agreed.  "Does he know?"

"I told him that the invasion visions we've had he was off to the side being important but I don't know why.  He freaked a bit, talked to Jo, who promised to teach him more about weapons and artillery."

"Even better," Daniel said.

Rodney walked in and hugged Xander quickly.  "That portal means we can make a safe Zed PM."  He smiled and walked off.

"Rodney, did Sam talk to you about that Halloween bond?" he called, cracking Gibbs up.  "That was clearly an Abby hug."

Rodney came back.  "Yes but I don't believe in such things."

"Just wait until she starts mirroring visions again," Xander said dryly.  "And you're bouncing like her, Rodney."  He groaned, walking off.  "If so, you can join our insane building parties," he called after him.  He looked at O'Neill.  "Not my fault."

"You started the first one, kid."

"No, Dawn and Sam started the first one when Dawn went to have a go at the Powers.  I joined in to stop her stupid butt."  Dawn nodded at that.  "Then the ghosts brought in Abby."  He looked at his boss.  "I'm going specifically searching for weapons cases."

"I agree.  Whatever reason you're paranoid to get the most firepower capable here, please do.  We can make a temporary armory room."

"Cool.  We need to see if the portals will stay stable off realms too.  That came to me earlier."  He shook his head quickly.  "Okay."  He looked at O'Neill.  "If they're coming from that small area, can your guys fan out between the main building and the slayer dorm?"

"Yes.  That's an ideal spot.   There's very little cover though."

"Jack, we can build cover and make it pretty," Xander said dryly.  "Danny keeps complaining about budget overtures."

Danny smirked.  "So some statuary or do you think fountains, Xander?"

"I think a water feature might be very nice and we could keep it blessed for emergencies," John said.  They all stared at him.  "Holy water, people."

"Hunting makes you more paranoid than the project we came from," O'Neill complained.  He gave John a funny look.  "Won't much matter against humans."

"Unless they're possessed," Xander said.  "Which I wouldn't put past a few of them to be part of the second assault as a timer switch.  That way they know when a good moment is.  That, a big stone thingy with the official motto on it maybe?"

"As opposed to our unofficial one of 'better you than us'?" Daniel joked.

"Yeah."  He grinned back.

"If it's the right sort I can tie extra wards to it," Dawn said.  "Like a keystone.  Able to be turned on if needed.  It sure would've helped while we were doing the walls."

"If we do that it can be destroyed," Daniel said.

She smiled.  "You don't have to link them into the ground.  I can link them so they're in any piece of the thing that still exists.  So it can be moved around base."

"So if even a little piece remains they'll still stand for a bit," O'Neill said.

"I don't like the idea of beautifying the yard with the intent of it being destroyed," Daniel admitted.

Xander grinned.  "We could use it anyway.  Even if it's damaged it won't be fully killed so it can be repaired and then hey, no more budget surplus, boss."

"Why didn't we put up some the first year?" Jack asked Daniel.  "After the first base assault?"

"Start up costs for equipment was atrocious," he admitted.  "After that, we got used to having everything open for firing I guess."  He shrugged.  "Some subtle things might not be so bad," he decided.  "We might need a fallen officer monument too, Xander."

"Am I in charge of that?  I'll make that one be an obelisk.  The other one of those shiny faced granite thingies you see like in front of the FBI?"

"That's not too bad or distasteful," Daniel admitted.  "We'll look at ideas later.  I don't want fences everywhere.  The unicorns would get pissed and attack us."

"Stone signpost pillars," John offered.  "Pointing signs for 'building 2' and 'singles dorm'."

"Granite might make flying chips if it's blown up.  Stones will give us rubble," Gibbs agreed.  "Maybe a tasteful set of statues that are harmless demons being helped by an agent?"

"That might take too long to get," Daniel admitted.  "I can see the concrete pillar signposts being easily done, even a plaque monument out front.  That can probably be done by someone who does fancy headstones."  Xander nodded, making a note of that.

"Let's make the signposts for visitors," Gibbs said.  "Visitors quarters are in the way right there.  Pool.  Infirmary.  Mess."

"That would make more sense," Daniel agreed, making a note of that.  "How hard would it be to make and plant some of those, Xander?"

"Building forms, mixing the concrete, digging a posthole, then planting it with some concrete around it for stability.  Painting and hanging a few signs?"

"So a two or three weekend project?"

"Yup.  Probably.  Also, was reading something online last night and a phrase hit me.  Defensive herbology?"

"I don't want to know what you were reading about," Daniel said.  "But I can see some protective plants going around the fence, especially in that area.  Rosebushes?"  He smiled.  "They hurt and they last up here."

"The botanists of idiocy found a few weedy thorn plants that'll grow anywhere and take over if you let them," Jack said blandly.  "Sheppard's report about running into a patch swore for four pages.  Weir sent it that way on purpose."

"Do we have samples?"

"I think we have some that we can retrieve from the Dadealus easily enough.  They saw them in snow, mud, rocks, nearly a desert area.  They should live through the winter here.  They did say they were more horrifying in growth than that stuff that's all over Florida, kudzu or something?"

"That shit never dies," Xander told him.  "I tried to kill some out in Cali on someone's lawn.  It just doesn't die."

John Sheppard leaned in.  "Why are we talking about the swearing vine plant?"

"Defensive herbology," Xander told him.

"I don't want to know who was writing Harry Potter smut, but please keep it away from Tiff?" he begged.  "Before she shares?"

"She only steals my normal lesbian porn for you, John."  He grinned.  "Base assault."

He came in to look.  "Evacuating the girls.  Tiff might stay."

"Non negotiable," Xander told him.  "High possibility of it being humans at first."

"Fine.  If I can get her wherever."

"Gibbs is their first line, John Winchester their second.  Dawn's going with them or portaling them out if she can.  They can handle it when the demons show up."

"I can tell her that.  If she follows orders."

"Then I can spank," John Winchester said bluntly.  Everyone nodded at that.  He had a very firm hand with the girls.  "We're talking about some hidden base defenses and some ways to hide some cover to fire from."

"Those vines will take over a fence, completely cover it, and protect the metal from rusting within days.  It's able to spread like fire at times and fire doesn't kill it."

"Let our botanists, the good ones, figure out a way to transplant a single plant to cover an area," Jack ordered.  John nodded.  "You sure it'll flourish down here?"

"That's the reason the Athosians nearly boycotted trading food with us, sir.  They planted a plant to see how it'd grow in native soil at what rate.  Within three months it had taken over the entire food crop field.  Sand burrs and cacti have *nothing* on this stuff for stickers and making you yelp."

"I got that unedited report," Jack said smugly.

"The one where Rodney accidentally pushed me into a patch and Ronon had to carry me back to the gate over six miles or the other one, sir?"

"I don't think I saw that particular report but after that first one we instituted a swear filter for reports."

"Clearly since I had to resend some to get some personnel transferred out, General."  Daniel snickered.  "Seriously.  One was 'oh my god, there's breeders everywhere!'' he mimicked dramatically then seemed to swoon at Xander, who caught him.  He grinned at him then straightened up.  "Repeatedly.  Rodney took great joy from reminding her that ninety percent of humans were breeders too."  They all snickered.  "I think you put her under arrest later on, General."  He nodded, still snickering.  "The other was a new Marine, barely out of bootcamp, who screamed a war cry, lunged at a wraith, and tackled it.  We put him under shrink's direct care until you could transfer him back since someone had messed up his training about using his weapons.  He decided unarmed combat was more honorable."  Xander snickered at that one.  "Yeah, exactly.  He was going to pout that we used explosives."

"I do remember unscrewing him.  He's now insanely helping one of our teams go ruin parts of the universe.  He told one culture that pokemon were really our pets and they're very prevalent all over the US."

"I wonder if I can build a capture ball for demons," Xander muttered.  Gibbs smacked him on the head.  "Hey!  We need a new building project."

"Tough.  That's a bad idea, kid."  He looked at Jack.  "I heard you were his biological dad.  Was it radiation exposure?"

Jack howled with laughter.  Daniel shook his head.  "The president wanted to make sure so he called us to test it after Abby's wedding."  Gibbs snickered, shaking his head.

"We weren't sure they weren't doing something strange to ATA carriers," John Sheppard said dryly.  "Where is McKay?"

"They took the little box'o portal to GD to work on it," Xander told him.

"Box of portal?"

"It's about jewelry box sized, the old type with the velvet inside and the flip lid?  One of those with a small sucking portal inside."

John considered it.  "Why?"

"It was in Halfrek's stuff she left to Anya."

"Along with a key that opened up a wonderful library in mid air," Daniel said happily.

"I'm wondering if the Watchers had one of those," Xander admitted.

"Who knows," John Winchester said dryly.  "They have all sorts of crap in Thomas's library that make no sense.  There was one Sammy found that said a master will rise, a slayer will die, and he will harvest us all."

"That was our sophomore year; Buffy died but I brought her back with CPR, making the two slayer situation.  She kicked his ass in this really pretty dress," Xander told him.

John stared at him.  "How do you do that?"

"You know, I'm not always sure," Xander admitted with a grin.  "Ask Charlie Epps.  Maybe he can figure it out."

"He has a side board trying to figure out how to get you to date a good girl.  It's taking him away from class time," Daniel told him.  "We can wait until he's figured that one out for Spenser and I."

Xander smirked.  "Clorina isn't going to go stalker."

"Thankfully," he said dryly.  "Or I'd have to send Bauer to kill her."

"With some of his ex's, Gwen's offered," John Sheppard said dryly.  "She was offering the other night."  He walked off.  "Let me know my part when it's time."

"Sure," Daniel called after him.

"I told him loud women like that probably weren't a healthy relationship," John Winchester told Daniel.  "We had a parental talk about it like I once had with Sammy."

Gibbs looked at him.  "Are those two long lost twins?"

"Not that I'm aware of," John said dryly.  "Mary only had Sammy when she birthed him."  He looked at Xander, who was giving him a cute, cuddly, innocent look.  "Yes, you."

"If I'd had a date, I wouldn't have snooped in Halfrek's stuff last night," he said dryly.

"If your next one gets that loud on base, I'm having her put in for a possession check," Daniel said blandly.  "Because Clorina kept *me* up, Xander."

"House said he and Wilson got kept up too," O'Neill said.  "Now and then I hear physics chanting coming from the new McKay-Scuito household but that's closer at least.  Radek said last time it got to eighty decibels in his apartment from Xander and Clorina."

Xander sighed, shaking his head.  "It was just oral sex.  She was very appreciative."

"Very appreciative is panting, groaning, moaning, and sweating.  She was screaming, Xander.  We weren't sure if it was in pleasure except for what she was screaming."

"She had me by the ears," Xander said dryly.

"I'm going to have Bauer find you a nice male agent.  Hopefully they won't be as loud," Daniel teased with a smirk.

Xander shrugged.  "Okay.  Make sure he likes oral sex then."  Gibbs swatted him again.  He looked at him.  "That's not yours."

"Shut up, Xander," Gibbs said.  "Before you give me more ideas I don't want to hear about."

He looked at him.  "Abby's trying to set you up again."

"She doesn't know that many redheads," he said dryly.  "She's been trying for years."

"Guys, off topic," Jack complained.  It was amusing but still not the time for this circus.  With some of the strange people Xander dated, that was a good word for it.

"Xander, since we've got incoming people for Sam and Thomas to teach demonology basics to, get to work on the signposts this weekend."  He nodded.  "I'll get to work seeing if we can spruce up the yard a bit."

"We can plant trees there.  If we have to we can knock them onto the other guys," Xander said.  "I have something for that."

"We saw," O'Neill said dryly.  "Trees cut down visibility.  Let me get that swearing vine down here so Abby can figure out what it eats."  He went to his office to call the SG base, seeing if they had any already there.  Maybe George would like it since he was a bit prickly as well.

***

Abby took the small box away from Dr. Stark with a smile.  "It's not ours to break apart," she warned.  "It's an heirloom that Xander's ex-girlfriend inherited."

"How did they make it?" he demanded.

She shrugged.  "The last owner was a vengeance demon."  He shuddered.  "It was in the remains of her stuff.  He promised to keep it pristine if possible."  She handed it back carefully.  "Understood?"

"I'll do what I can and not let idiot boy," he said with a nod at his present helper, Larry, "near it."

"Thank you."  She smiled.  "You know, Fargo's a great help in the lab to Rod and the others.  Whenever he's not helping Daniel he's often up helping Radek."

"No accidents?" he asked Rodney.

"Not beyond tripping over his feet and Xander's been working on that during his mandatory sword practice."  Stark shuddered at the thought of Fargo with a sword.

"It's mandatory for all base personnel," Abby told him.  "Because many demons can only be beheaded if they attack.  Agents and all personnel get it."

Rodney nodded.  "Now I know what I should do if I should happen to accept another duel," he said.  She patted him on the arm, getting a smirk.  "My last response was 'the pointy end goes in him, not me'."

She giggled.  "Yeah, it's better now, Rod."  She smiled as Doctor Blake walked over to them.  She had to keep herself from patting her pregnant belly like she did Brenda's.  "Fargo is a great help to the science guys I've got and he's agreed to go with the team going to check over the other labs I lord over.  He even said he'd treat them like Xander would if they were messing up."

"That could help with Area 51," she admitted.  She shook Rodney's hand.  "Doctor McKay.  What's this little box?"

"It appears to be a small portal of void space."

"How did they do that?" she asked, taking it to look at.

"We cannot unmake it or hurt it," Abby warned.  "It's an inheritance that Xander's ex-girlfriend got."

"We'll do what we can to protect it," she promised, walking them down to the energy research lab.

Abby took Rodney's arm as they walked.  "Rod, what do you think about me going for my Ph.D.?" she asked quietly.

He smiled.  "I think I'd only brag more."

She smirked.  "So me being ABD is good?"

"It's wonderful."  He gave her a kiss on the cheek, all he allowed himself in public off base.  "Where are you getting it through?"

"Cal Sci."

"They do have some excellent programs," Allison agreed with a smile for her.  "We have a lot of fun getting graduates from them."

"We have a few of the teachers on retainer as consultants."

"That's probably very handy," she agreed, falling back to walk with her.  "In forensics or some other field?"

"We have a mathematician and a physicist on consult from there and my degree's going to be in chemistry.  It's a small paycheck for them and they do things like help me find a GA who wanted to come help us in the forensics part of the lab.  She's being tutored by Fargo so she can move to NID and oversee them because some of them are weenies."

Rodney smiled.  "I'd gladly help you proofread your dissertation and if I'm too caught up in something, I'll have Radek do it for me.  He'd be more than happy to as well," he teased.

"I think he's sweet on Megan, my GA."

"She's a very quiet young woman who seems to pop up next to you without warning," he admitted.  "Are you sure she's suitable?"

"Yup, and it'll let her go to a research position as well."  She smirked.  "We went over what I expect to see and hear from them, including progress reports, and ethical behavior I expect recently.  She's going on the butt chewing check team with Horatio and Fargo.  That way they get used to her.  Then this spring she walks and takes over there."

"I'm surprised there's enough left that you didn't just shift them to Area 51," Rodney admitted, holding the door open for the women.  Abby beamed at him for that thoughtful gesture.  Which meant he'd get cuddling that night.  Yes!  He did appreciate her rewarding him for his manners.  Even if he did turn it into a game to get more cuddles.

"I wasn't sure that they weren't going to warp things.   Once I'm sure of their intentions that will be happening and Area 51's boss will take over full oversight duties with Megan helping him as an adjunct sort for the first little while."

"Some might be a bit mad that such a high position went to someone right out of college," Allison warned.

She smiled.  "I told them I was going to name my GA oversight so she could come gather reports and start her own research.  Most of the ones who're left like to hide in their labs all day and don't want it.  The ambitious ones got cleared out for doing anything to get the science end tighter.  Being willing to sacrifice people in the name of science is a big no-no to me."

"I've met some of the ones in that group," Rodney said dryly.  "They weren't happy when I treated them like the imbeciles they were."

"One tried to come up to Xander the other day.  He promised he'd shoot them.  He was petting his gun and all that.  They backed off and ran."  She smirked.  "And then he warned them off the slayers they wanted to dissect and all you guys in the lab.  I sent that one a nice note about illegal actions.  They've formed their own company, the ones who aren't in jail."

He smirked.  "They're hoping for government research grants?  There'll be more oversight if they do."

"Oh, they so are.  They're also hoping Homeland will look the other way.  Which they won't.  I talked to one of the agents who keeps trying to hack our lab's computers.  He decided to deal with them for a while.  He freed their last set of hostage/lab experiments and arrested more of them."

"Wonderful.  Will he leave us alone?"

"No, he's the sort that believes in killing all demons because they might pose a threat some day.  I pointed out so did most humans if you pushed them too far and a good quarter of them could make bombs thanks to the Discovery channel.  He was not amused.  So I shut down his computer for good, again, and made his boss swear about having to buy him another new one.  Then I told Daniel.  That's why he went to DC to smack someone on the head for me."  Stark was snickering.  "Honestly.  Someone in the CIA too.  If they can't play nicely, they can't play."  She bounced over to look.  "We had it under magnification but I can only get up to times 200."

He hummed and upped the magnification in the containment box.  They had a better magnification system.  Yeah, it had some tiny runes on it.  "Any idea what those are?"

Abby looked, then nodded.  "The middle two are part of containment circles.  If we can scan them in I can send them to Sam or Thomas."  He did that and she emailed it, getting one back fairly quickly from Sam Winchester.  "He knows all but one.  He's looking that one up."  It came in ten minutes later and it was good.  He took them.  "Now, the lines might be important.  Like working inside certain figures."

"So we'll scan it in and do a digital representation," Allison said, moving to do that.  Larry walked in.  "Out!" she snapped.  "This has a void spot."  He fled.  "Before he can cause another problem," she said impatiently.

"I want Fargo back," Stark said.

She shrugged.  "Talk to Daniel.  He's a bit bored now and then but we need him to do the admin stuff and proofread a lot of reports for Xander.  Even if he did send one with sex stuff still included to DC when some senators got nosy."  Rodney turned to snicker against a wall.

"That sounds like Fargo, yeah," Stark sighed, shaking his head.

"Why did the report have sexual information?" Allison asked.

Abby beamed.  "It was Xander's report from the weekend of our wedding.  His former girlfriend is working in the same agency we got our arms master from.  Originally she had called him to come pick up the bio bomb making demons then they stayed to make sure someone who wanted Radek wasn't going to interfere with the wedding."

"Since the idiot created a smaller bomb and dropped it just as we kissed and they had to kill the higher demon that the same cretin had summoned we thought it was very sweet of him," Rodney told them.  "Someone nosy wanted to know why he had been in Las Vegas interrupting her hunt for bomb making demons.  Xander routinely writes full, very detailed, reports for some people's amusements then cuts out the unnecessary information for public consumption."

"So Fargo sent the full version instead of the edited one," Allison said, starting to laugh.  "That sounds like him, yes."

Abby's phone beeped.  "Guys, Xander wants to know if there's some sort of reason or way that the things the portal guy dropped can be put together, like a puzzle piece maybe?  He's not sure why some things got chosen as possible keys."

"Henry's working on that," Stark told her.  He called him.  "Henry, Abby from DCIS wants to look at the things that got dropped."  He hung up.  "He'll be down in a minute.  What about the things dropped elsewhere?"

"We've had a few of the more bored agents going to get some of them.  We're missing about three.  So far they seem random but I'm not sure why."  A black man in a hat and what looked like coveralls walked in.  "Hi, Henry."  She gave him a quick hug.  "Xander thinks that there's a reason those pieces were chosen but he's not sure why."

"Neither am I.  They all show the same energy signature."

"The one from the portal or from the other galaxy?" Rodney asked, watching the picture reconstruction of the box.  Then Allison turned the decorations into a flat, one-dimensional picture.  And something started to happen.  "Abigail?" he demanded.

She looked and captured the picture, sending it to Thomas.  He sent back what it was.  "Yeah, that's the figure to open up a spot of inter-dimension space.  The first step to opening a dimensional portal or one to other realities.  So I'm guessing this is the basic step for a quantum mirror?" she asked Rodney, who shrugged.  "Sorry, didn't see those?" she teased.

"Thankfully.  I can't imagine that the one where I'm married to Sam Carter has as much taste as I do."

"Ah, newlyweds," Stark said when she squeaked and kissed him for it.

Allison pinched him hard, making him yelp.  "You were just as bad, Nathan."  Henry was smiling.  "Can you take her to look those over?  Since she's seen the others it could help."

He nodded.  "I can do that."  Abby disengaged their lips with another quick peck then followed him.  They were so cute together.

Rodney smirked.  "Sheppard pointed out I'd have to special order to get anyone more perfect for me."  He came over to look at the diagram.  Then he sent it to Sam Carter, who spluttered it looked like when the fax came through of the drawings on the backs of the mirrors.  "Hmm, I wonder if they knew what they mean," he muttered, handing it over.  "Those were on the quantum mirror we have in secure storage."

"Which does?" Stark asked.

"Goes to other realities."

He shuddered.  "I'd hate that."

Rodney smirked.  "She managed to trek through a few of them."

"That's even worse.  There's no telling how that would warp their realities."

"In this one, when they showed up here, it simply warped minds," he said dryly.  "Having seen another version of myself, I'm not too thrilled with how he does vengeance but I suppose if I was still that angry all the time I'd be nearly as bad."

"I don't want to know.  That'll rot my mind," Stark told him.

"Fine."  They got to work on what was going on.  They had removed two lines of the figure and it was now just a picture again. That could definitely help them when they were making their own for a new ZPM or seventy.  A lot of places could use one.

***

Abby came onto the screen in the lab, making Radek and Megan jump since they were working in there.  "Hey, guys.  We're at GD and I'm looking at the other possible keys he flung.  I have physical notes on the energy output and some strange fluctuations they've had.  Can you fax them to me here?"

"I can," Radek agreed, going to her office to find them.  He brought them out, letting her see them.  "Do we need anything else?"

"Pictures.  I think Xander's right and there's a reason he was choosing these things.  Especially the one that fell at Fargo's feet?"  He nodded he'd do that.  "Thanks.  Oh, that box?  The bottom marks on it created the interdimensional portal start."  She beamed.  "It's half of what's inscribed on a quantum mirror."

"Please do not call another Rodney here," he begged.  "One is more than enough and even if you do have dirty fantasies the rest of us don't want to hear, it would be bad for reality," he complained.

She smirked.  "I'm not that sort of girl, Radek."

"Thank god."  He said something in Czech and sent things to her.  "There, is sent."

"Thank you, Radek.  Megan, remember the butt chewing tour is starting next week."  She nodded.  "Start making your checklists now.  It'll be easier to cart around a clipboard in some cases."

"I've already gotten one from Horatio, Abby."

"Excellent.  Don't destroy my lab and let me know if we need help."  She cut the connection.  Larry brought the faxes in a few minutes later and her phone beeped with the photos.  Henry uploaded them into his work files.  She smiled at Larry.  "So, are you as good in the lab as Fargo?  I've got him working on a DNA coding project to see if we can tell individual demons from the entire clan.  He and Carson are being nearly brilliant seeing if they can do differential sequencing at the moment."

"No, I'm not much one for DNA," he admitted.

She stared at him for a moment then smirked.  "You know I'm over Area 51 and NID too, right?"  He nodded quickly.  "You know that they've got oversight stuff going on?"  He grimaced but nodded.  "I keep a good watch on my people, Larry, even you guys, to make sure nothing too bad is going on.   They needed it."

"Some of the people at NID were a bit brutal," Henry agreed.  "Larry might be good in that sort of situation.  It'd mean he'd get to squeal about anything going on."  He looked at the young guy.  "It'd mean you'd be a spy and still have to put up with them."

"I did that with Fargo," he said dryly, walking off.  He'd think about that.  Being the boss's assistant wasn't all it was cracked up to be.  Long hours, a lot of emergencies, and Sheriff Carter treated him like he was less intelligent than he was.  The Sheriff was downright mean about it sometimes too.  Not like Larry wasn't a genius.

The Sheriff caught him in the entry way.  "Larry, where's Stark this time?"

"Energy research, Sheriff," he said, pasting a happier expression on.  "I can have him called."

"Have him call me or I'm calling the DEA about his pharmaceutical and recreational drug researchers please."

"We have someone doing that?"

"They said so," he said grimly.  "Anything going on that's going to cause me an emergency so I don't make it for dinner with Zoe?"

"Abby Scuito and Rodney McKay are in."  He called him.  "Doctor Blake, the sheriff is here about some recreational pharmaceutical researchers?"  She huffed.  "In the entryway, ma'am."  He hung up.  "She'll be right up."

"That's fine.  I doubt their field of weed is going to go anywhere soon.  Or the nice artificial cave of mushrooms."  She stomped up there.  He pulled up his phone to show her the pictures.  "They claim they're doing legitimate research.  Jo glared so hard when she got told by Zane that one of the kids in his neighborhood had some extra pot he was claiming was a GD employee perk."

"No, we drug test, Carter."  She walked off with him.  "Which ones?"

"Last two photos.  Jo was going to strangle them so I'm doing the diplomatic thing today," he said with a grin.

"Throwing them to the ground and making them ache while you cuff them?  That sounds like a wonderful idea," she agreed.

"Mood swing?" he teased.

"Yes but that's fine.  Last time I bit Nathan a lot."  He laughed, getting her into the jeep to take her to the field.  Yeah, she could have some fun with this.  They found Jo had tied them to some of the pot stands like she was going to burn them with their drugs.  "No witch burnings without a permit," she warned as she got out.

"It's only three extra forms beyond the burning of the field.  I can say they ran into the fire to try to save their precious drugs that they claim are smarter than I am."

Carter patted her on the back.  "No, it's not.  It's plants and you have an IQ like Doctor Blake's."  She smirked at him.  He knew he was sucking up but she had PMS and she was scary!  "Zoe and I have a family style dinner planned tonight."

"I heard.  She begged me to keep all emergencies down since she's cooking?"  He nodded.  "Good."  She went to help Doctor Blake deal with the morons.  "Have we heard from Fargo?"

"He's been helping at DCIS in the labs," Allison told her with a smile.  "Abby said he's been very helpful with their real research going on instead of the forensics end she deals with more.  Plus he's doing a lot of proofreading of Agent Harris' reports.  He even accidentally sent one with sexual information and discussion to DC since someone there got pushy."

Carter cackled.  "That sounds like Fargo, yeah."

Jo nodded.  "Yes it does."  She untied the people.  She didn't want to but oh well.  She let Jack throw each one to the ground to cuff too.  So apparently he didn't like drugs either.  Allison stood in front of them and yelled for a good forty minutes.  Then she had someone bring a flame thrower.   They got watch as their precious drugs got burned to a crisp and sob at all that hard work gone down the irrigation culverts.  It was so sweet to watch them cry.  Jo and Allison got very happy and Jack was a wise man so he only hauled the prisoners away for them.  Otherwise he'd never make dinner because he'd be getting stitches in the infirmary.

***

Jo walked up to where Abby and Rodney were eating in the Cafe, staring at them.  "You didn't bring Fargo back?"

"No but I'm to bring you out," Abby said with a smile.

She sat down.  "I could like that.  What's Fargo working on?  Larry said something about DNA?"

"Individual identification instead of clan and species," Rodney told her.  "The same as we do to human criminals."

"Interesting.  I'm sure he's having a lot of fun."

"He and Carson, our project's doctor, are having a great deal of fun," Rodney agreed with a smirk.  "Driving everyone nuts."

Abby nodded.  "They kinda are.  They even took over my building lab."

"We can make you a nice building area, Abigail.  That way you, Xander, and Dean can tinker all you want and it's easier to test the weapons out there."  She beamed at him.  "I've already talked to Daniel about it.  He decided it might be safer after seeing the last batch in testing.  That way we'd save the trees for other purposes."

She smirked.  "That was mean but you and John picked the area."

"We needed standing targets," he pointed out.

"Harris can build weapons?" Jo asked.  "Why?"

Abby beamed.  "Remember that Halloween with the dead coming back to talk to us?"  She nodded slowly.  "Some of the geek trio in Sunnydale, who build things like a working robot that's totally realistic, possessed him, me, and Dean to build the rest of their life's work.  For some reason he's working on a freeze ray again."

"He said they wanted to build one," Rodney admitted.  "I asked when Radek giggled too much and got used as a test subject."

"He didn't get unpossessed?" Jo asked.  "I thought you can do that."

"He's a medium, he keeps a large taint," Rodney said dryly.  "They got so involved they set up a temporal spell that night to give them a few months of building in a few hours' time."  Jo shuddered.  "Which we had to be called down to stop," he said, looking at Abby.

She kissed him with a smile.  "You like our geek toys anyways, Rod."

"I do," he agreed.  "They're very wicked.  Plus some of it is extendable to other research."  He looked at her.  "In that first bout they created a real light saber, a laser application, and a real working proton accelerator pack among other things."

Jo shuddered.  "That's very wrong on so many levels," she complained.

"The patent office liked them.  I got the formal paperwork finally saying they accepted them," Abby said happily.  "And our expeller explosive egg."  Rodney smirked at that.  "Which he tested for us."

"It worked quite well," he agreed.

Jo looked at them.  "They really work?"  Abby nodded.  So did Rodney.  "Any here?"

"I don't think I brought anything but they gave Fargo the plans so he could build his own light saber," Abby offered.

"I've got to see that."  She stood up.  "When are you guys going back?"

"Hopefully Sunday if the process works the way we think it will," Rodney told her.

"I can stay that long but I'm still certain there's a hidden meaning behind choosing those things as keys.  Some sort of puzzle."

"Perhaps it's not how they go together but what they mean or stand for?" Rodney suggested.  She squealed and hugged him, running off to find Henry and suggest that.  He went back to eating.  He'd go retrieve her later.  The same as she did for him when he got too caught up in the lab.

Jo smiled at him.  "You're a lucky man, McKay."  She walked off.   Zane was pulling up outside so she waited, smiling at him.  "Hi."

"Hi.  I saw Abby jogging off."

"McKay gave her an idea about those keys."  He nodded at that.  "I'm going back to DCIS in a few days to check on Fargo and help teach him some more about weapons.  He's almost afraid of their arms master.  Said he's a scary former covert agent."

"That sounds like he knows what he's doing."  He grinned.  "Want me to water your plants?"

"If you want."  She walked off.  "I'm on shift tonight."

"I'll bring you some coffee later," he promised.  He went in to get his own dinner, noticing McKay was reading something in another language.  He had no idea he read braille.  Must be Abby's influence.

***

Rodney looked over the setup.  It was late Thursday night.  "Remember, if it goes the least little bit out of bounds, we have to stop it immediately."  Stark glared at him.  He glared back.  "I was at the last one where it went out of bounds.  It ended up destroying about two/thirds of a solar system," he said quietly.

"Then we definitely will end it if it starts going wrong," he promised.  "That's not something I want to see either."  He looked around.  "Is Abby...."

"I'm torn.  I don't want her here if we have problems."

Allison smiled.  "She wanted to be here even if it didn't work right this first time, McKay.  She'll be here in a minute and will probably swat you for trying to keep her safe."

"She may," he agreed dryly.  "She's much more dynamic than I had ever dreamed was possible."  Abby snuck up beside him, putting her arms around his chest.  He patted them, smiling back at her.  "Science now, cuddling later.  Lab rules," he teased.

She gave him a squeeze.  "It'll go fine, there won't be an explosion.  The computer will be able to guide the stream.  I said so and you said I'm a science goddess so therefore I have some say," she said firmly.

He relaxed, letting her surety calm his insecurity.  "You're right, you are a goddess."  He pulled her around to take her arm instead.  It wasn't very manly to be cuddled that way in public.  "Are we set?"

"We're set," Stark said.  The researcher nodded, rechecking the computer's programming before he opened the portal with the robot hand drawing the last line in the new figure on the wall.  He had decided it'd be easier to work it that way.  Then the second part of the process started, pulling the energy out.

Abby watched from behind her safety glasses.  Rod was incredibly tense.  "That looks like the start of a hyperdrive fold," she said quietly.

"It does but it's not the same sort of energy stream," he admitted, kissing her on the ear.  It was working.  The energy was trying to get too far out of containment but the system was holding it in for now.  They kept going, finding it got a bit more violent as more energy got sucked in.  The new container was sucking it in.  The old shell of a ZPM was doing its job.  It was halfway, Rodney was starting to think they had conquered it.  Then the containment system went haywire and it got shut down.  Rodney flinched but no explosion this time.  Just the mild void portal.  The half-charged ZPM.

Allison looked at the computer readings.  "Its only reading ten percent stored but it looks like more."

"It compacts itself in there the more you stuff in," Rodney sighed.  "What happened?"  He moved closer.

"There was some sort of flux," the other scientist said, showing him the graphs.

Abby pointed.  "That's a stone in the pond ripple."  They all looked at her.  "The first impact of the stone into the pond. I did a sine curve analysis of it for a college project once."  They all nodded.  "So maybe we need to make sure it's going to a blank universe or realm."

Rodney nodded.  "We should."  He considered it.  "How do you set it that way?"

She smiled.  "It's all in the runes, Rodney."  He stared at her.  She nodded.  "That's what Thomas says about magic.  All the magic is in the runes but the belief powers them.  So we need one for a blank realm.  Or maybe the true void."

He nodded, texting that to Radek, who sent back a few runes to his email.  He got into them, comparing them.  Thomas had told him where to put them.  "This one is for a true alternate reality.   This one is to create a fold situation, the start of a hyperspace fold for travel.  This one...."  He stared at it.  "That one's to the void and so's the next one?"

She looked.  "Two types of void, Rod.  Positive and negative."

"Oh, I see."  He saw the last one's remarks.  "To a world where demons won."  He paged back up.  "We'd want to try the positive void," he said.  The researcher had the robot arm inscribe that in the circle.  It nearly blew them off with the wind that came out of it.  He had it switched to the negative one and it was almost seething it felt.  They started the process and Abby took Rodney's arm.  He realized it was so he couldn't cross his hands over his chest to hide his clenched fists.

He was very worried but it was working.  The thing was refilling and doing it faster.  The robot arm put down another four empty shells and they linked together by their design, filling from the center one.  It took a harrowing hour, one that left him shaky and sweaty, but it was done.  They read as fully charged, fully useable.  The energy withdrawal was stopped then the robot hand destroyed the figure on the wall.  The void left a small explosion crater when it disappeared.

Rodney let out a breath he felt like he had been holding all along.  He took one of the new ZPM's carefully to scan it with the device from Atlantis.  "It's on the wrong energy spectrum.  It's AC to DC current," he told Abby when she looked.  He gave her a gentle nudge out of the way.  He went back to work.  "We can use it.  We simply have to reconfigure how the power goes in and out."  He smiled.  "It worked."  They all looked happier.  She hugged him.  "My sun," he whispered in her ear.

She smiled at him then pinched him.  "I won't get hurt, Rodney."

"Do quit fussing, woman; it's instinctive to protect you from everything that could harm your fragile body.  Or else I'd have to hurt someone who harmed you."

She kissed him.  "Silly.  I can do that too."

"Hmm, you do get overprotective of me."

She smirked at him.  "Of course I do.  You're one of those fragile man sorts.  Men are always the more gentle species, and you need babied because of it.  Otherwise you'd be able to bear pain and the flu better."  Allison giggled at that, walking off shaking her head.  She stared at Rodney.  "Now what, my stud?"

"They'll work.  It'll take a few days to reconfigure the power flows for them."  He shook Stark's hand.  "Thank you."

"It's important research, McKay.  Thank you."  He left them alone.

Rodney kissed her.  "We'll pack four of these up, leave them one to research from.  We'll get back to the base soon so we can move it."  She pouted.  "It'll still take time, Abigail."

"I know.  Better to have you go now and be somewhere safe so we don't have to worry about you guys this spring."  He nodded at that wisdom.  They packed the four ZPM into a special carrying case.  "Well, I guess we should tell Jo we're taking her today, huh?"

"We can leave in the morning," he promised.  "I could use a rest honestly."  She smiled and walked out on his arm, letting him carry the precious energy resources.  Stark had Jo meet them in the entryway.  "Do you want to go tonight or tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow.  Always better to start out in the morning.  Unless your private plane has a bed to nap in?"

"No, but the seats do fold out," Abby admitted.  He smirked at her.  "They do.  Speed said they're almost comfy too."

"I could appreciate that."  They left to hit the airport and the private plane.  The pilot was waiting.  "We'll have to get Carter back to base," he told her.

"I texted my whole DCIS contact list that it worked."

He smiled.  "Thank you."

She tweaked his arm.  "I make an impressive herald?" she teased.

"You do.  You announce our brilliance so very well."  He took a kiss, putting them onto a couch.  The pilot locked the door and went to fly them away.  Once they were in the air, Abby pulled out the couch's bottom.  Rodney didn't notice, he was nearly asleep holding the precious ZPMs.  Jo smiled at her fussing but settled in for her own nap.  She'd have a long day working with Fargo.

***

Daniel looked at his phone then at Jack O'Neill across his dining table.  "They did it.  They had to reconfigure the energy."

Jack relaxed and smiled.  "No accidents?"

"No.  Not that they reported."

"Excellent.  How many are they bringing back?"

"Abby's note said four working ones but they had to reconfigure it to negative energy?"

"No clue, Danny boy."  He stuffed his mouth, eating heartily.  He'd have some more work coming soon.  "So we'll have to see if it'll work on Atlantis."

"Which means you'll have it settled before this spring if it's moved soon," Danny pointed out.

"Oh, I'm going to be here," Jack said dryly.  "If you're going to die, I'm going to be beside you, like the last time you died, Danny."

Daniel smirked.  "Thanks, Jack.  Dying was almost fun when you were there."  Jack snickered at that.  He heard a scream and sighed.  "I know Xander didn't bring home a woman."

"That sounded like a unicorn."  He went to the window to look.  "Nope, Digger got a demon.  It's screaming and whimpering in pain but Chase is there.  They're cuffing it and bringing it off."  He sat down again.  "I guess they have it well in hand."

"Hopefully."  He ate another bite.  He'd call the infirmary later to get a report.  He added more vegetables to Jack's plate, ignoring his sigh that sounded like 'thanks mom' muttered under his breath.  He just grinned.  "Cam's due out when?"

"This spring."  He smirked.  "You get Ferretti first."

"That's fine, the girls will like picking on him too I guess."

"Yeah, I'm sure he'll enjoy it.  Maybe he'll even learn how to play kitten poker."

"You never know about Ferretti.  He might," Daniel said dryly, cracking Jack up.  "I'm damn sure going to make sure Cam learns it in case it comes up on a team trip."

"Yeahsureyoubetcha," he agreed dryly, smirking at his friend.  "I'm sure it will."

"Hell, they're SG-1, nothing's ever normal when we travel," Daniel reminded him.  "Kitten poker being taken up by Gou'ald?  Or Tokra?  Or even Asgard I can see."

"Thor would kick someone's little gray butts," he said dryly.  He shook his head but he was smiling.  That was a cute mental picture.  Some big, bad warlord of a Gou'ald playing kitten poker and losing to Cam.  Or Carter.  He shook his head to clear it.  "She tell Sam?"

"No clue."  He texted her just in case.  She sent back a squeal then an apology for her 'key stutter' answer.  He showed them to his buddy, making him snicker.  Yeah, they could pick on her about that.

***

Xander supervised the last of the direction markers being put in.  His last case had left him with stitches on his arm and House had threatened to superglue the sling on if he tried to shift them on his own.   So, hey, slayer strength was more than enough for that.  John Winchester was helping make sure they were placed in straight and in the correct direction.  Brenda had tried to put one in backwards on purpose to be naughty.  They set that one in with the last touch of concrete and it was good.  Binky came over to christen it by peeing on it - Digger had gotten most of the others - and it was fully DCIS's new direction markers.  He looked at John.  "These should do."

"These should do," he agreed.  "Then what?"

"Um, a statue set, a pretty, decorative, round thingy with the agency motto, the official one, one that can be used for some low lying cover, some defensive herbology....."  He smirked.  "The vines going up around the fence have very bad poky things according to Sheppard.  He landed in some once thanks to McKay."

"Worse than George?" Brenda asked.

"He said it was.  They also said it grows like kudzu."

John shuddered.  "Can it be killed by flame thrower if we have to?"  Xander nodded.  "Good!"  He walked off.  "C'mon, Brenda, let's go feed her."  She beamed and walked off with him.

Xander looked around.  Half of everything was going to be finished here in the next few days.  It was still early enough to plant things that would survive the winter.  Plus it'd make it a bit prettier.  The girls would like that.  He went to his desk in the main building, finding plans on it.  He studied it and then put suggestions on a sheet of notebook paper, paper clipping it to the top.  He handed it to Fargo when he came in for coffee, getting a grin back.  "I hear you have visitors," he teased with a smirk.

"Tomorrow."

"Abby's in the lab, Fargo," Horatio said from his desk.

"Is Jo here already then?"  Xander smirked and nodded.  "Why haven't I seen her?"

"I think she's down scaring Bauer," Xander admitted.  He went that way, dropping things off on Daniel so he could catch up with his friend.  She smirked at him.  He grinned back and gave her a quick hug then backed off.

"I thought you might still be sleeping in, Fargo," she teased.

"No, I've been up for hours."  She walked him down to the armory to see what she had already pulled out to work on him with.

Bauer shook his head.  "She'd make a scary, efficient agent," he decided, getting back to cataloging Xander's last bust.  It wasn't one of the huge ones he brought in every few months but it had a few nice, lesser things.  They could probably use them this spring.

***

Xander walked up to his contact in Cleveland two days later, staring at him.  "DCIS needs to bulk up the armory before this spring," he said quietly.

"I've heard you've been mean recently, Harris," the demon burbled, staring at him.  "Why?"

"Multiple visions of a base assault by higher demons and possibly some humans."

"A few of our seers have foreseen it as well."  He stared at him.  "You should build more."

"I'm still building but I don't have time to test things."

"That is a good point."  He considered it.  "They would be very upset with me."

"They'd probably understand I'm being paranoid," Xander countered with a grin.  He felt slim arms go around his and looked down.  "Hi, Merry."

"Hi, Xander.  What are you doing here?"

"Talking to him about the pitiful state of our base's armory."

"Ah."  She smirked.  "We're looking for weapons?"

"Yup.  What're you doing here?  I know you're not old enough to be in the bar."

"I'm playing kitten poker."

He stared at her.  That was a clear lie.  She blushed.  "We'll talk later."  He smirked.  "Giles is starting to move on his own but he's still at the toddler level of following orders."

"Hmm, that's good.  Any other good news?"

"Brenda's only had two mood swings so far."  She giggled at that.  "Both on Sammy, who pouted her out of her foul mood."

"Even better.  He can stand up to it better than Dean can.  He's fragile and Faith would kick Brenda's butt for making her boy pout."

"Could be."  He pulled her around to give her a hug.  Then he let her go.  "I'm checking in later too."  She groaned.  "Hey, Wes is coming back tomorrow."

"Crap."  She walked off calling the other girls to let them know.  Buffy was off at meetings in DC for the week.

Xander stared at her back.  "If I have to have another talk like the last one with the girls, I will," he reminded her.

"Please don't.  They're still celibate, Xander."  She left the bar.  Her planned fun was ruined for the night.

Xander nodded his head in her direction, looking at his information source.  "Kitten poker?"

"Not hardly."

"Didn't figure it was with the hickeys on her neck from the suckers."  The demon moaned, shifting on his stool.  "So?  I know there is one.  People have been too wary for there to not be a shipment coming."

"The other human agents would be displeased."

"Screw 'em.  We need it more."

The demon considered it and texted someone on his phone.  Then he nodded.  "My clan leader said it's hard being one of us but he knows that the need is making you twitchy.  You could raid the market again."

Xander smirked.  "Maybe next month when the great stuff from Oravet comes in."  The demon shuddered.  "This shipment that's hopefully being seen by other agents?"

"Some international agents think they know about it.  They don't.  One of the idiots in federal service that can't find their own ass stumbled upon the route while out drunk.  A few dirty ones as well."

Xander nodded.  "Then I'd better get there first, huh?"  The demon stared at him.  He stared back.  Then he smirked.  "Daniel said I could have another YouTube moment.  Like from Mexico."

The demon cackled, nodding.  "Those are amusing, Knight."  He poured some salt on the table and drew out a map.  "Michigan."  Xander nodded, drawing it on his notepad.  Then he took a few pictures with his phone because he knew he wasn't the best artist.  The demon wiped the trails out of the salt when the human bounced off to check up on the girls.  "He's incredibly warped but fun to watch.  As long as you're not in his sights."  He sipped his beer.  He wondered how the boy had known to come to him but he'd figure that out later.

***

Xander found the shipment and moaned in pleasure.  Oh, yeah.  Two demon caravan riders doing escort duty on motorcycles.  One large semi.  That was a great distraction.  He had Horatio and Mac's team doing that one, making sure they knew that there were agents who wanted it instead.  Xander spotted the other one coming and it was even prettier.  Oh, yeah, he could use that.  No one would expect one single car with the portal system in the back.  He drove down to stop that car once the others had moved to the fake caravan.  He pulled in behind it and turned on his lights.  He could see the demons stare back and swear then try to speed up.  Xander nudged their bumper gently.  They had to pull over.  He stopped and got out.  "Out and hands on the roof," he ordered.  "All five of them and the tentacle too."

They got out.  "Why are you stopping us?  We have done nothing wrong!" one shouted.

"Then you're not with the caravan?" he asked dryly.  One frantically shook his head.  The other just groaned.  Xander stared at that one.  "Lie to me," he teased with a smirk.  "I dare you."

"I turned it down!" the other one shouted, attacking his partner with his tentacle.

"Hey!" Xander ordered.  They finally got stopped when he handcuffed their tentacles to the side mirrors.  He moved to the back, opening the trunk to find the portal bag.  "Oh, that's pretty," he said in awe.  He pulled out the bag, looking inside it.  Huh, an egg.  He put that one with the one who claimed they hadn't been involved, letting him pet it.  The portal was in another bag and it was just as pretty as the egg.  He laid it over his car's hood and put the crystal down.  Five stops on it.  He stuck his head into the first then came out to look at them.  "You're in so deep," he told the one who had been involved.

"My egg?" the other one asked.

Xander shrugged.  "You can debate that with our prosecutor."  He moaned but clutched the bag with his egg.  "I'm not going to separate you at this time."  He nodded.  "I know that anyone else trying to take care of it would probably kill it."  He bundled up the portal again and crystal into an evidence bag then got them into the back of his SUV.  He searched the car efficiently, getting the rest of the stuff the guy was carrying.  Then he radioed in.  "Need a tow about two miles behind you guys for the non-diversion vehicle."  He heard the swearing.  "Want some help?" he asked.

"Please," Horatio said grimly.

Xander got into his car and sped that way, pulling up to where the problem was.  He got out and walked up behind the screaming people, drawing his weapon.  He had been a good boy all day so far.  "On your knees," he snapped.  "Federal agent!"  The other guy jumped and stared at him.  "Now!" he snarled.

"I'm an...."

"I heard there were dirty officers coming for it.  If you're not one of them, then we'll let you help.  If not, on your knees!  Now!  I have little patience and no caffeine."  The officer dropped and put his hands on his head.  Mac smirked at him for that.  "I do.  I also have the actual portal, the person who knew it was there, the one who didn't, and their egg."

"The egg?" Mac asked.

"Would probably die without the mommy."

"Crap."

"The mommy doesn't seem to know.  I'm going to let the legal team straighten it out."  They all nodded and went to get them.  Xander popped the lock on the back of the semi, staring inside.  "Well," he said, smirking at the driver.  "What have we here?"

"It's not illegal!" he shouted.

Xander stepped over to look at him.  "Excuse me?  You have military weapons and they're not illegal?"

The demon gulped.  "I'm sorry."  He started to move but Xander's pistol against his forehead stopped him.  "Please!  It's not honorable."

"You blow us up, I get to come back from the afterlife to kick your ass and still handle the base assault."  The demons all wailed and that one fell to the ground to wail into it.  "Good!"  He walked off.  "Hey, Mac, I have no idea who you call about things that probably belong on a warship."

Mac looked inside the truck.  "I think they do too, Xander.  We'll ask Gibbs or O'Neill."

"Cool beans."  He walked over to get the other prisoners.  Dawn sent a portal thanks to Horatio sending her a picture.  He walked them through it, handing them over.  "Let that one keep his egg," he ordered.  "It can die if he can't take care of it.  He may not have realized.  Let our prosecutor figure it out."  The head guard nodded, calling him to come talk to that one.  Xander jogged up the stairs from the jail to the infirmary level.  "Hey, General?  What do we do with five guns that belong on a warship?" he asked, leaning into his office.

Jack stared at him.  "What?"

"C'mon."  Jack followed, going to see what he was talking about.  "Guys, blue Geo Metro about two miles back," he told the confiscation crew.  They went to gather it too.  He let Mac show him the contents of the trailer.  Xander put the evidence bag with the portal and crystal into Horatio's hands.  "Five stops."  He nodded, taking it with him.  Xander went to turn off the lights on his SUV, feeling itchy and antsy.  Then his arm started to hurt.  He stared at it for a moment then around.  "Jack, heavy magic," he called, rushing his way.  Mac pulled his gun, staring around them.  It was a pretty deserted place.  A flat plains area just over the border.  Xander had his hand on his gun.  He was looking in the other direction while Jack was calling someone about the gun turrets.  Xander muttered something.  "Mac, portal."  He pointed.

"I hear engines," Mac said.  He looked at Xander.  "Why do you have this sort of luck?"

"I told my contact we were building up the armory for the base assault since some of their seers had seen it going on too."  He shrugged.  They moved closer but staying under cover.  Two bikers, then four more showed up, heading for them, the portal, and whatever was coming out of it.  Human bikers, maybe.  The portal was definitely demonic and there was definitely a big time demon coming out.  Not powerful, but criminally.  "Hmm, demon mafia," he muttered.  "Bad things, Mac."  He looked at him.  "Bikers are probably human?"

"Look like it.  I'll... take the bikers," he decided.  Xander nodded, shifting his stance.  They saw the demon wave out his two bodyguards and then the portal shut.  Xander smirked.  That was a bad sign.  They had to have seen the official vehicle and the semi.  "Three, two...," Mac counted.

"Federal fucking agents!" he shouted.  "We didn't plan on you being here."

The two bodyguards swore and reached for guns.  Xander got them in the arms.  The head guy managed to get his gun.  The bikers all had weapons so he helped Mac make them moan on the ground.  A few weren't and tried to go off.  He gave Mac a shove.  "Keys are in it," he ordered.  Mac took his SUV off after them.  He walked over, covering the two moaning guards and the bigger guy.  "You didn't see us?"

"I saw you long before you got here, boy," he sneered, snapping his fingers.  "There's a high bounty on you, Knight," he slurred.

Xander snickered.  "I knew that.  There has been since tenth grade."  The portal started to reform.  Xander concentrated.  His magic wasn't relocked.  He had unlocked it during the Rosenburg trip.  He closed the portal opening, making the guy shriek.  Xander smirked.  "Willow made me unblock it," he said facetiously.  "And I've got backup."

"Not here," he said.  "It's just you and me.  And I have a bigger weapon."

Xander shrugged.  "I am a weapon."  The demon tried to shoot him.  Xander dove out of the way and shot him in the leg, making him scream in pain.  Then the chest.  Body armor.  So the head was good enough for him.  He had a fin, it was now destroyed.  The guy was screaming in pain.  Xander got up and dusted himself off.  "You were saying?"  Mac came back with the bikers tied to the tailgate and bumper.  "That'll work," he decided.  "He said there's a bounty on me, Mac.  Do we think it's went up again?"

"Probably not since we found it way back when, Xander."  He came over to look at him.  "You good?"  He looked at his arm.  "It's bleeding and House is going to kill you since he just pulled those stitches."

"It's fine."  One guard tried to shoot him so Xander kicked him in the hand, making him drop the gun.  They got the other baddies bundled up and into the new portal back to the base.

Jack came through last.  "Does Danny know that you announce a raid by saying "federal fucking agents', kid?" he asked dryly.

"Now and then," Xander admitted.

"House, Xander's got a new graze," Mac tattled on his way past the infirmary.

"No one even taped it this time," Xander complained.  He smirked at Jack.  "Did you see the two watching agents not show up to help him?"

"I did and took down their plate number and description."  He walked it off to put it into a report for someone.  Danny could pass it along.  The gun turrets were being taken care of.  His contact had gotten there right before he had left the scene.  So he probably had to write something short about that too.  "Handed confiscated military weapons to Cheyenne Mountain commanding officer to be handed back," he typed, then signed it and sent it upstairs to Fargo.  He got back a note saying that wasn't very descriptive.  Oh, well.  He added in a few sentences about the second idiots and the other agents, then sent it back.

***

Fargo grimaced, taking it to Daniel.  "Is that normal for him?"

Daniel looked it over and nodded.  "Jack hates writing reports.  It'll work."  He faxed that to someone in DC to take care of their own agents.  "Xander, next time try not to swear when you announce the raid," Daniel said, spotting him walking past his doorway.  Mac laughed at that.  "You too please."

"What happened?" Horatio demanded.  "I leave and more show up?"

"Xander said one was a powerful crime lord in the demon world.  He also tried to fire on him and got his fin shot off."  Horatio shuddered.  He had run into one of them.  "His guards are nicely with him along with his human biker friends."

Daniel came out.  "Jack noted what he noticed about the watching agents."

Mac nodded, sitting down to work on that.  "I noticed them, and their car."  He made the report and handed them both over.  "A bit rough."

"That's fine, Mac."  He walked them off.  Then he came back to look at Xander's arm.  "House didn't stop you?"

"He's not in the infirmary," he said with a grin.  "The nurse said he and Wilson are out planting deadly plants."

"That's fine I suppose.  Get that looked at, Xander."

"It's nothing."

"Shut up or o I'm telling House," Horatio warned.

"I tried, he wasn't in the infirmary," Mac said dryly.  "Daniel, maybe Xander should have a day off?"

"He can have tonight off to go play if he wants to.  I'm sure the judge won't need him by then.  It'll take tomorrow to process all the new prisoners.  And the egg?" he asked Xander.

"That species would die if he didn't take care of it.  From what he said, he had no idea they were couriers."

"That's fine.  I'm going to let them straighten it out and we'll figure out the egg thing if he's charged.  Get your arm looked at within the next twenty."  He walked off before the boy could argue.  It meant he won an argument, which was a nice trend to continue.  He'd have to remember how to do that maneuver for arguing with Jack, Sam Carter, Sam Winchester, Thomas, Vala, and Cam Mitchell.

Xander shook his head but he handed in his reports to Fargo and went to find House and Wilson.  "They're nagging and it's only a little graze."

House pulled him closer to look at it.  "Go bandage it."

"That's what I wanted to do but Mac tried to nark.  Daniel too."

"It's fine."  He smirked as the boy skipped off, shaking his head.

Wilson smiled.  "He is scarily like you, House," he said quietly.

House nodded.  "I know.  I could've been that tough when I was his age.  Thankfully I had a lot of women who kept me more sane and softer."  He went back to helping him plant.  "Why are we doing this?"

"Because these plants can help defend the base if they get this far.  It won't be in the agents' way but anything that it comes in contact with will be in pain."

"Good enough I guess."  He finished up his last plant and stood up with a small moan of pain.  Wilson looked at him.  "Knee."

"I guess it happens."  He finished up and they went inside to clean up and so House could take something for his leg and knee pain.  It was about time anyway.  The herbal stuff wasn't addictive.  Which pleased Wilson since he didn't like House's dependence on vicodin.

***

Xander wobbled in the next morning, flopping down between Horatio and Daniel at the mess hall table.  "I swear there were no women for me to hit on, boss."

Daniel looked at the boy.  He smelled like gunpowder.  He had no lipstick marks.  His shirt had a few tears.  "Fight in the club?"

"No."  He smirked.  "But the mafia thug's boss hates me even more since I found two of his people stalking me and let them railroad me where they wanted so I could get more."

"Why am I only now hearing about this, Xander?  You never called for backup?" Daniel asked.

"I asked the locals.  The FBI locals even," he said with a proud grin.  "They're very unhappy that we're all so wild and unsuitably mistrained in the proper protocol from the book."  Daniel and Mac both snorted at that.  "But they're having a very good day with the human mafia thugs that were going to help.  Apparently one of the lesser families married in without realizing it."  He smirked at Horatio.  Then at his boss.  "I don't think it's on YouTube either.  I was a good boy."

"No matter what they say?" Daniel guessed.

"The two bodyguards got a bit ...grabby.  Pity.  But I was good otherwise."

"Uh-huh.  Should I get the report from them or you?" Daniel asked.

Xander beamed.  "I did it in their office and they're still probably complaining.  I told the boss there I couldn't be a cowboy, I didn't have a hat."  He got up and wobbled off.  "I'm going to sleep now.  I could use a nap since it wasn't for sex."

"Go nap in the infirmary."  Xander made a whining noise.  "Tough.  Now."

"I'm only a bit bruised, Danny.  I promise."  He went to his own bed.  He liked his bed.  It  was a very nice bed.  When Wilson sent Sheppard and Tiff to break in to get him to the infirmary he could sedative dart them.  It was a good plan for the less than evil boy he was today.

Daniel looked over at the door.  "Have we gotten any calls yet?" he called.  Fargo was around somewhere nearby.

"Two from the FBI, one from DC, one from the state capitol.  Why?" he asked cautiously as he walked in.

"Xander."

"I heard.  They're complaining that we don't follow their book.  I pointed out we did demon crimes.  That shut them up pretty quickly, Daniel."

Daniel smirked.  "Good thinking, Fargo.  Anything else I should hear?"

"The more local office is faxing over the report Xander did and wants us to go pick up our demons, and I rephrased that for politeness, so we can charge them."

"We can do that this morning.  How many?" Mac asked before eating a bite of food.

"Nine."  Horatio moaned, shaking his head.  "They have another few there for human crimes."  He sat down.  "I said we'd be there by noon.  It's a two and a half hour trip."

Daniel nodded.  "That'll work.  Go armed, Horatio."  He nodded at that.  "Take Tony with you.  They like him since he was NCIS."

"Yes, Daniel.  Tony?"  He looked up from where he was reading the paper.  "We're on prisoner pickup this morning from the FBI."

"Is that why Xander came in looking tired but happy?"

"Demon mafia," Mac told him then stuffed his mouth again before he said more than that.  He looked at Horatio.  "Do you think Xander has any idea how dangerous they really are to him?"

Horatio considered it then nodded.  "Probably.  He knew he had a bounty on him, right?"  Mac nodded.  "Then quite possibly."  Jack and Daniel were both giving him a very strange look.  "For stopping things back in high school.  Most of them know they can't get it so they're ignoring it like he is."

"That boy needs a common sense implant," Jack complained.

Daniel looked at him.  "Are you sure you're not related to Xander, Jack?"  The others who heard laughed.  "That sounds scarily like something you would do."

"Me?" he said dryly.  "What about you?  Snake baiting come to mind, Danny?"

Dawn walked in and sprinkled something on the floor before staring at them.  "Let's let the spells dissipate," she said dryly.  "Before I have to smack you both around for being butts."  She walked off again, going to drop more of the stuff around the base.

"Damn, I thought this was our normal fight," Jack said dryly.  Daniel cracked up, shaking his head while he laughed.

Wilson walked in.  "I saw Dawn spreading stuff?"

"Anti-spell," Horatio told him.

"Oh, good, so no work then."

"No, Xander came back bruised from a demon mafia run-in last night," Mac told him.  "He's probably in his bed."

"I'll tell House his son is warping others again."  He called him to tell him that.  That way House could check on him before he came in to eat.

House came in a few minutes later.  "Few scratches, few bruises, a bruised cheek, looks like he got backhanded, and he's pouty that we won't let him sleep."  He sat down in his usual seat, letting Abby fill his plate for him.  "Thank you.  Why are you in maternal fussy mode today?" he asked her dryly, giving her a pointed look.

"She's not," McKay said firmly.

"Thank you, God," Jack O'Neill said loudly.  "That kid will drive me nuts."

"So instead we'll let Jon babysit?" Danny asked, picking up his last piece of toast to walk out with before Jack could quit spluttering.

"No respect," Jack complained, shaking his head.

Abby looked over at him.  "Hate to tell you, Jack, but you're not as good of a comedian as he was."  Jack glared at her but she just smirked back.  "When it does happen, we might let your mini-you sit the baby but it'll be far in the future.  He'll be in uniform by then."

"Doing things to drive other people insane," House quipped.

Dawn came back to spread more of the powder, stopping to give House a hug around the head.  "You're a good grandpa, House."  She walked off again.

He glared at her back.  "Upstart young'une," he complained, cracking Wilson up.  "If you're like Xander's sister, then you'd be my stepkid, not my granddaughter, Dawn."

"Not at your age," she shot back from the hallway.

"Guys in their seventies have fathered kids.  I'm not nearly that old," House shouted back.

Dawn leaned back in.  "First, eww, who'd sleep with someone that old?  And secondly, are you sure?  Sometimes you sound like those grumpy old men.  Now be a good grandpa and snuggle Uncle Wilson there so you remember what young, fun times were like.  Both of you could use that remembrance."

"Should you enforce that, I get to paddle you until you beg," Dean warned from behind her.

"Oh, please!  Like I need to?"  She walked off.  "Working on an anti-nagging spell."

"Whatever," he decided, going in to eat.  Once everyone had been shooed in by Dawn she came in to put down more dust and they all finished feeling happier.

"Hey, Dawn, who did that one?" Abby asked.

"Some cranky bitch of a demon whore that's in my college English class.  She's mostly illiterate outside two demon languages.  But hey, apparently they pay well since she drives a Mercedes.  Poorly but she has one."  She grabbed a soda to go back to her apartment.  She had class today.

"I wonder if she's being literal," Brenda muttered.  John scowled at her.  "I didn't know there was a demon brothel by the college."

"Better a brothel instead of the guy who was randomly offering people in LA tentacle sex a few weeks back that we saw," Gwen said dryly.  "Because eww."  She smacked herself on the forehead.  "I'm starting to talk like Dawn.  I've got to quit being infected that way.  I'm not a SoCal glamor girl."

"You could be," Amber offered with a grin.

"No, I'd have hives from the shopping.  Not to mention the hair dye."  She stuffed her mouth again.  "Hey, Tiff, want to do some PT with us today?"

"Dean does PT," she reminded her.  "I just do mine with the military guys instead."

"See you for that," she promised, getting a grin back.  John Sheppard walked in with his coffee mug.

"Aww, long night?" Tiff teased.

"Hell yes."  He sat down, glaring around.  "Who was that noisy last night?"

"Sorry, probably his porn," Chase said with a point at House.  "He's trying to be as young as Xander is again."

"If he throws his back like he did the last time, we'll handle it," Wilson reminded him, making Chase smirk evilly since House couldn't see it.

"Philistines," House complained.

"Not really," Chase said.  "I'm still Australian."

Wilson snickered, shaking his head.  "I noticed the wombat coming back out," House shot back.  "Missing having fur?"

"Maybe he's not a wombat, House.  Maybe he's a Tasmanian Devil or something," Kim called.

"I'd get dizzy," Chase assured her, cracking the girls up.  "I'd be something more cuddly than dangerous."  Wilson gave him an amused look.  "I tried for dangerous back in high school and couldn't pull it off.  I was never that sort of cool."

"Pity," House said smugly.  "I can still pull it off."

"You get it from your son," Wilson said, shoving a forkfull of food into House's mouth before he could retort.

"I'm not sure if Xander can be that sort of bad boy," Brenda admitted.  "I wonder if the vampire him in that AU world that Cordelia created was a leather boy like Spike can be."

John handed her a donut.  "Go nap, Brenda.  I'll excuse you from PT."  He patted her.  She huffed off because she knew that was an order.  And well, she needed a nap anyway.  The baby had kept her up last night.  Again.

"From what Rupert's journal said," Dean said from his seat.  "He had a faint impression of leather pants and the tank top/overshirt look for a vampire Xander.  So still not really a bad boy.  Though there are some demon calendars that have somehow found a picture of Xander in gray leather pants and a black top that shows off his muscles very well.  Someone sent Sammy a picture of it to encourage him to take Xander into hand so he could win on the betting board."  He stuffed his mouth with the muffin he had been buttering.

Sam leaned over to look at him.  "Were you in my email again?"

"No, Rebecca saw it when she walked behind you and told me."  He grinned at the mini-slayer.  She was five and liked to tattle.

Sam shook his head with a small sigh.  "It was a good picture."

"When was it made?" Gwen asked.

"Before he got that big scar on his left arm."

"He got that during the Glory stuff," Gwen said.  "I asked."  He nodded.  "So maybe his roadtrip?"

"Maybe," Sam agreed with a small smile.  "You'd have to ask him.  I know someone else got that picture and there's probably a few more floating around."

"We'll pounce him when he gets up," Gwen decided.  No one had been naughty around her in *months* and she was getting bored.

"John, did Xander have to yell and scream in Cleveland?" Anna asked.

"Not that much.  Only the one girl that was dating some scuzzy demon that wasn't good for her," Dean told her.  "Xander even told her if she found a nice one it'd be okay but not to date the criminal kind."

John looked at his son.  "I still don't like that attitude.  Dating is fine.  Dating demons?  For a slayer?  Wouldn't that be a conflict?"

"Not if they're from a peaceful species," Sam reminded him.  "Then they probably wouldn't be posing a problem unless they decided to go criminal.  Which hers was and did by being the leader of a theft ring."

"Fine.  As long as no one else minds."

The other girls all shrugged.  Some of the girls in Cleveland were a bit strange.  They all knew that.  Look at who had gotten crabs that time.  Twice in a few cases.

***

Xander made it in for lunch and everyone seemed a bit nervous.  He sipped his first soda of the day, looking around.  "What?" he asked finally when they kept stealing glances at him.

"That one with the egg got hurt," Daniel told him.

"Are they going to be all right or are we adding a charge of domestic assault?"

"One of the other demons there tried to hurt the egg.  He stopped them but he got pretty bruised up.  Chase made sure the egg's with him in the infirmary."

"And the one who did it?"

"Got extra charges.  The one who was driving stuck up for him because he hadn't known and had turned down the job due to the egg.  They're discontent to say the least but we're not sure if they need a group cell or not."

"I'm going to go with not," Xander said.  "And if he's not being charged, he and the egg won't be down there."

"They don't think that the rest of the clan will take them in."

Xander considered it.  "Then go talk to the clan matron that's up the highway and ask her advice.  She's been around nearly forever."

"That's not a bad idea," Danny decided.  "Can you?  Since you know more than I do?"

"Sure.  Anna?"  She perked up.  "Are you presently grounded?"

"Nope."  She beamed.  "I didn't get into trouble all weekend."

"Good.  Go pull me out some clothes and put some on."  She nodded, inhaling the rest of her lunch to do that.  "How soon will Chase be releasing him?"

"About six hours he thinks."

"That's cool."  He finished up and took his glass of soda back with him.  He clearly needed to be more awake to drive.  He got dressed and came out buttoning his shirt, crookedly since the young slayer huffed at him.  He glared weakly.  She smirked and he got to swat her for trying to help.  "Go fix your hair.  Be a girl today."  He redid his shirt and found his better shoes, toeing into them.  She came out and he pointed, making her go refix it so it wasn't spiky and awkward.  They took an official SUV, him deciding Anna couldn't drive when she asked.  He pulled up in front of the matriarch's house, noticing the bad signs of a funeral.  "Crap."

She got out and walked up to the door guard.  "We hadn't heard that the matriarch died," she said quietly.  "I'm sorry we're interrupting."

The guard stared at her.  "It's her sister, slayer.  Is it official business?"

"More a mercy thing.  We don't want to intrude."  Xander came up behind her.

"Knight."  Xander nodded back.  "Let me ask.  Why come to her?"

"One of the ones we arrested yesterday needs to be set free but he had turned down the job and had to protect his egg.  We're not sure if any of his clan will take him in.  We wanted her advice."

"It may be something she can help with then."  He went inside to whisper in her ear.  She nodded and he walked them inside.  "Them, Matriarch."

"I know of them.  Slayer, knight."

"I'm sorry you lost her, Matriarch.  I know it sucks when you lose family."

She smiled.  "It does but we're an old group of girls, dear.  Some day I hope you can say the same."  She beamed at that.  "Which type?"  Xander sat down to tell her what had happened, and Anna filled in what had happened while he had been sleeping.  She considered it.  "There are a few locally who aren't part of a clan.  Mostly because they didn't want to do what their clan wanted them to do.  By him protecting his egg, he put himself in the same situation.  I can ask one."

"Please.  We don't want him or his egg to come to harm.  That's why I made sure his egg was kept with him," Xander said quietly.

"As is proper."  She patted him on the hand.  "Rothschild?" she called.  One of that sort of demon came out of the kitchen.  "One of your kind needs some help at the base, child."

"Yes, Matriarch.  What sort of help?"

"They used him as a mule when he had turned down a job.  He decided to protect his egg," Xander told him.

"The rumors are already starting about him.  They were stupid to attack him over the egg.  Still, the clans are rule bound idiots at times."

"He's not being charged," Xander told him.  "He'll be released from the infirmary in a few hours."

He nodded.  "Bring him to me, Agent Harris.  I will gladly take him into my home at least temporarily.  Then we'll see if he can fit."  Xander nodded.  "Or should I come up?"

"Whichever is easier for you."

He looked at the Matriarch.  "Perhaps you should.  He's got to be scared in the infirmary.  It is staffed by humans and he does have to worry about his egg."

"Then I can."

"I can drive you if you want," Xander offered.

"I can follow.  I drove over today.  Let me tell my wife."  He smiled and Anna shook hands, getting a pat on the head.  The girl was nearly precious even if she was human and not properly hatched.  They left for the base.  He looked at the matriarch.  "Perhaps that one will be healthy for a long time.  It's said that they have worked with healers."

"All innocent young are a credit to the community," she agreed with a smile.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem, Matriarch."  He called his wife on his way to his sedan.  The gate guard waved him through so apparently they had told him he was coming.  Anna was waiting to take him down to the infirmary.  "Mr. Harris is busy?"

"Getting chewed a new one by someone in the FBI because he was out having some stress relief last night when some mafia type guys, human and demon, jumped him."  He gaped in horror at what she said.  She grinned.  "So Xander beat 'em up and handed them over.  They're not happy."

"I'm sure they're not."  He considered that.  That made the agent very strong or very stupid - the community was split about which one it was.  He walked into the infirmary, finding his clansman.  The egg was nestled against his side.  Under the arm with the IV.  He checked him over then the egg.  "She feels healthy," he said quietly.  The demon gave him a weak smile.  "Is he this ill?"

"We gave him a mild painkiller and it seems to have made him a bit sleepy," Chase admitted.  "We checked with the book the healer gave us to make sure his kind could take it first."

"That's fine then."  He smiled.  "I have a home and a wife.  You're welcome to my guest room until you can get back on your feet.  All eggs are blessings."  The demon relaxed and gave him a goofy grin.  "You're very sated on that drug, brother."

"It feels nice.  I can't feel my toes but I feel nice."  He grinned again.  "They said I can go rest in a few hours."

"That's good.  You can come rest with us."  He patted him on the arm.  "The egg looks perfectly healthy."

"I asked if we should ultrasound it for him and he said no," Chase offered.

"The sound waves could hurt the young.  Beyond that, most of us don't want to know what we looked like before we hatched.  It's usually a bit strange and might ...freak us out I believe the human expression is."  Chase grinned at that.  "There's no cracks that I can feel and the child feels healthy."  Chase nodded.  "May I?"

"Of course.  There's a pull curtain around him and a chair in the corner if you want it."  He left them alone.

The demon smirked at him.  "They're very attentive."

"Bored."

"Clearly."  He pulled the chair over.  "Tell me what happened.  That way we can tell your natal clan the truth and get them to leave you alone."  The demon sighed but told him the whole story.  It wasn't pretty but clearly not this one's fault.  Especially since he had turned down the job.  He would let his wife talk to the other clan's wife.  His wife could nag anyone into seeing sense, or her version of it anyway.

***

"College, ick," Tiff complained.  She was staring at her brand new laptop and the education classes she had wanted to do.  She read the first one and nearly pouted.  She hated classwork.

Brenda looked over at her.  "Feel lucky that you're not going to regular classes in high school again."

"I am.  That's too weird and I'd feel bad for myself.  Speaking of, are you okay after today?  I heard some of the kids got mean."

"One of the others reminded them why I'm stuffed up and they're all leaving me alone now.  Which kinda sucks.  None of my friends from last year will talk to me now."  She pouted.  "I feel like I'm an outcast and I didn't even participate in any of the naughtiness."

Tiff gave her a pat on the arm.  "It'll be fine, Brenda.  I promise it will.  If they won't talk to you because of a minor thing like a mystical pregnancy then they're probably not good friends."

"I know.  Still sucks."

"Trade ya homework for homework?"

"That's cheating.  Sam would spank."

"Yeah, which would really suck," she agreed.  Tiff sighed, looking over her homework again.  "I'm going for a walk," she decided, but at least she took it with her.  Maybe being outside would help her want to do it more.  Who knows.  She had wanted to be in the lab a lot when she had been in the field on Atlantis.  She ran into McKay outside, earning a strange look.  "The new classes suck."

"They do not," he sighed impatiently.  "The same as your last ones didn't."

"Yes it did.  You're crap at teaching French, Rodney."

"Fine, whatever.  Sit down and do the first few lessons to get it over with."

"Fine."  She went to find a nice place to sit.  Maybe the barn?  That way she could pet Binky while she worked?

"Try the picnic tables," he called after her.  "Not the barn.  It might ruin the laptop."  Tiff grumbled all the way to the tables but he had to smile.  She had moments like this through most of her education.  Abby joined him after a quick hug to the huffy slayer.  Then they went to cuddle in their apartment, and possibly keep House up again.  They did enjoy doing that.

Tiff looked up from her grumbling about freshman english when she felt someone join her.  He was dark, handsome, and smiling at her in a way that made her feel gooey inside.  "Hi," she said with a smile.  "New to the base?"

"Yes I am."

Someone shot him, making him scream and fade out.  "No higher demons on base," Dean called.  "Stupid fucker."  He went back to the slayer dorm.

Tiff shook her head.  "Why do guys like that like me?" she complained.

"Because they're guys and you're pretty?" a smooth voice said from behind her.

She looked back at one of the chemists.  "Since he was a demon, who knows.  Right?"  She went back to work.  "McKay and Abby already turned in for the night if you were looking for them."

"No, I was more looking for something to do."  He moved closer.  "Classwork?"

"Yeah, freshman english sucks," she told him.

"We all had to do it, my dear."

She looked back at him.  "If this is the start of hitting on me, Sheppard said everyone had to be vetted by him and Ronon."

"They are a bit overprotective of you."

"Should've seen the scowling when we went for Abby's wedding and I flirted."  She got back to her homework.  She felt something touch the back of her neck and stiffened but she fell over because she was paralyzed.

"That nasty english won't bother you anymore," he soothed, shutting down the laptop.  He smiled at the soldier walking his way.  "She's so tired she fell asleep working."

"That can happen," he agreed.  He helped pick her up and walked her back toward the dorms.  Not the slayer dorm but the other dorm.  Tiff was mentally swearing because now she had two of them to defeat once she got her body back.

"I believe we need to be in the short-term building," the first guy said.

"Really?  Because I'm not."  He shot the chemist and kept carrying her off.  At least until he collapsed under the weight of the tackle.

"So not wise," Mary told him.  "GUARDS!" she bellowed.  "Rapist on the base!"  Guards, Dean, John, Xander, Daniel, and a few others came running.  "He was carrying her off to one of the dorms.  She's not responding.  And I saw him shoot that guy," she aid with a point at the other one.

"Let us handle it," John ordered.  He checked Tiff over.  "She's stunned or something.  Can't move."

"Move," House snapped, getting John out of his way.  He saw the oil spot on her neck, sniffing it.  "It's a paralytic.  One of the herbal things we have samples of in the infirmary for surgery."  John hauled her up with a groan.  "Bed down there, now.  Have the nurse start bloodwork before I get down there.  Let me make sure that one will die before I come down."

"I have him, House," Chase said.  "Go with her."  House nodded, going down there.  He finished putting on the primary bandage.  "Infirmary, make sure he's in cuffs.  We'll be taking him in to surgery before we release him to the officers."  The other one got woken up.  "What did you think you were doing?" he demanded.

"I was only taking her to put her to bed.  She fell asleep at the table."

"She's a slayer.  She sleeps in the slayer dorm," Mary said firmly.  "Or she's in the temp dorm with her watcher, Sheppard.  If she had wanted you, she would've been walking beside you."

"It's romantic," he complained, rubbing his head.  "What did you do?"

"I knocked your stupid butt out," she said firmly.  "Because you were trying to hurt someone.  I should kick your ass but you're beneath me.  I don't want to do PT for being a bully."  She walked off with a sneer.

"Someone should beat humility into her," he complained.

Dean smiled as he pulled him away from Chase, beating the shit out of him before he got pulled off by McKay.  "Oh, come on.  He deserves it."

"Yes he does," he agreed, laying into the idiot himself.  Sheppard got called by Abby, coming out to pull him off the idiot and get a few of his own blows in before dragging the physicist off to the infirmary to get some ice packs for his hands and to sit with Tiff.

Abby stared at him, touching something in her pocket.  "You know, I didn't think any of you guys were that bad up there.  I thought they had weeded all the idiots out and used them as cannon fodder or something else equally important.  Guess I was wrong."

Xander looked at her.  "Abby, stabbing him won't help her any.  Go sit with her.  She's surrounded by guys.  She'll probably want a girl there when she comes around."  She nodded, stomping off.  "On the other hand, I can make sure you never touch a young girl again," he said bluntly, staring down at him.  "It'd be my pleasure to make sure you never touch another girl again."  The man tried to crawl away from him but that wasn't going to happen.

"Harris," O'Neill said.  "Let me.  He's mine, we have laws to handle this, he will be having a hard time in prison when they do it to him there."

Xander stared at him then nodded once.  "Just one shot, Jack?"

"No.  We'll let Carter zat him for her if she wants.  That's up to Tiff to decide."  Xander backed off at that.  "Go be a big brother."  He nodded, going to check on the other girls.  He stared at him.  "Don't worry, I didn't save you from him for any reason beyond the fact he wouldn't save me any."

"Jack," Daniel warned.  "Start the process.  If it fails, then he's a playtoy."  He stared him down.  "Before I have to stop you and then he can charge you," he said more quietly.

Jack grimaced but nodded.  "I know the system is that crooked."

"If she had been actually hurt, I'd look the other way.  You know that, but for right now, he needs to hit a jail cell.  In town."  Jack nodded.  "While we call JAG."

"Got it."  He went to make that call.  "Boys, arrest him and put him in a spot for the locals to get him for us."  They dragged the guy off moaning.

Daniel took a deep breath.  "I forgot what sort of temper they have," he said quietly, going to check on Xander.  "Xander, has anyone hurt one of the girls?"

"No."

"Good.  If there's even a hint, I want to know so *I* can investigate it."  Xander nodded at that.  "All of you girls know when someone's creepy that way.  Let us know.  That way we can handle it for you."

"If one of them attacks you without warning, kick their asses and call for help," Xander ordered.  They all nodded.

Mary raised her hand.  "Her watcher should be with her, right?"

Xander looked at her.  "She has one?"

"Isn't that what John is to her?" she asked.

He considered it.  "Yeah, I guess he kinda is.  Beyond that, he's like a big brother to her so yeah he should be with her.  That's a good thing to ask him about though, thanks, Mary."  He frowned, going to talk to John.  He walked into the infirmary, watching as the guy going to surgery was wheeled off.  "John, someone pointed something out to me."  Sheppard glared at him.  "You're doing the work, you should have the benefit of the lesser paperwork we demand."

"What?" he demanded.

"He just said that Mary pointed out you're her watcher," Abby told him.  "Which means a weekly report if she has to handle something and possibly a second paycheck."  She patted him on the arm.  "Plus it means you've got a free reason to hang around and let the younger ones stare at you."

McKay smiled.  "You are good at nagging her about her training and things."

"That's a hell of a jump out of nowhere."

Xander shrugged.  "Mary pointed it out."  He stared at him.  "So?  Should I give you the paperwork?  Outside of the two senior girls and Brenda's future hellion, she'll be the only one with a personal watcher."

"Why me and not Ronon?"

"You seem to have the right reflexes down.  You do get to nag her about her training and things.  You already care for her well being.  You're basically doing the job without too much demon hunting, which isn't her forte anyway, and she seems to have chosen you.  A watcher is a slayer's first line of backup, defense, and added family.  You seem to be doing the job.  Would you like the paycheck to go along with it?"

"Does it mean I have to take more lessons on the strange and creepy from Sam?"

"And languages somehow," he agreed.  "Or you could nominate your team as her official hunting team and make them do it.  Not like Abby doesn't know half of them somewhat already."

John looked at the girl then nodded with a small sigh.  "I hate paperwork and reports."

"Small report once a week on what she handled and how.  If there's something bigger going on we need to know.  Plus you get to nag her about her shopping habits or her allowance if she's blowing it on stupid things."

John smirked.  "I already seem to do that."

"Good.  Then come get the paperwork tomorrow.  That one guy Mary pounced got arrested by the town guys so the officials over you guys can have him but he won't be on base."

John nodded.  "That's fine."

"If he gets out we get him," Abby assured him.  "Even Danny said so."

"Even better."  John folded his arms over his chest.  "Mary deserves a reward."

"She's getting it."  Xander smirked back.  "The girls are fussing over her since they know Tiff will run and hide if they try to do it to her.  See me sometime tomorrow."  He walked off after whispering in Tiff's ear.  Yeah, they could handle it.

John looked at Tiff.  "I knew there was a reason I was going to complain to you about classwork."

"She was complaining about her own," Abby said dryly.  "Speaking of, Rod, go find her laptop."  He went to do that.  She patted John on the arm.  "I nearly stabbed him."

"I was going to puncture organs but do it by hand," he admitted.  He looked at her, getting a smile back.  "If he gets free, we'll destroy him down to the cellular level."

Radek rushed in.  "I heard the mouthy one nearly got hurt.  Is she all right?  Why is she not moving?" he demanded in Czech.

"Easy," Abby said, catching his arm.  "We got the guy who tried to hurt her.  They used something like our surgical paralytic.  Get me a swab so I can find out.  The first guy was a chemist."  He nodded, going to get one for her.  She swabbed the spot.  "There, go run it."  He scowled.  She stared.  "It takes ten minutes and she's got about an hour before she comes out of it, Radek.  Even with slayer healing."

"Fine, I will run this then come right back."  He walked off to do that for her.   He'd miss the mouthy little slayer on base.  She made all sorts of people fuss over her and ignore everyone else for a bit.

Abby settled in on one of the chairs, staring at her.  "We've got to make sure no one else will be doing that."

"That's not a problem," John assured her dryly.  "I can yell better than nearly anyone."  They waited.  Radek came back with the chemical analysis.  It wasn't their formula but it had the same ingredients.  Chase took it with a smile and let them fuss.

John looked at the hallway when he heard running feet.  "What's wrong?" he asked his second-in-command.

"Harris just pulled everyone together to chew us a new one and one guy got the hell beaten out of him.  We need one of the docs above the training building."

"What did he do?" Rodney asked.  "We know why he yelled," he said at the opening mouth.  He pointed at Tiff.  "One of our chemists and one of the soldiers."

"Oh, shit," Evan muttered.  John nodded, looking smug.  "The sergeant said that the girls were pretty and no one would mind if they told him yes.  Someone pointed out that no one told him yes, he was too brutal and left bruises.  The guy sneered and said every woman liked it that way.  To ask Gwen.  Gwen was behind Xander and she shook her head, saying she hadn't touched him and she wouldn't be touching him because he was, as she put it, a douche.  He made a move on her.  Xander beat him badly, Sheppard."

"That saves me from doing it," he assured him.  "Haul him down here."

"We think Harris broke some of his ribs."

"Pity."  Evan nodded, going to tell them that.  "I'll be stopping that tomorrow."  Tiff moaned.  He moved closer, staring down at her.  "Didn't I tell you to make those noises about Radek or Rodney so they'd blush?" he asked when her eyes started to move.

She held up one shaky finger.  "Don't care."

"I know you don't.  Xander just beat up on someone else for it too."  He pushed her hair back.  "You rest.  Let me go yell and rant."  She nodded, smiling slightly.  "It doesn't get you out of freshman english," he teased.

"Damn."

"Xander just gave him a second job," Abby said.

Tiff blinked.  "I heard."  She looked at John.  "You okay with that?  It means I get to be your little sister for a very long time."

"Of course you were before that.  Now I get paid for watching you shop," he said sarcastically, making her laugh.  "You rest.  Let me see that idiot who got his ass kicked."  He walked out, passing by them.  "Chase and Wilson are in there."  He got out of the way, looking at Xander.  "Did we have a good reason?"

"Yeah, he tried to grab Gwen.  Sorry as hell about him," he said, staring at him.

"If he's like that I don't want him on my project, Xander.  You know that.  Let me see if there's any evidence."  He walked off, going to check the guy's footlocker and gear bag.  "Hit the meeting area," he yelled as he walked in.  "We're searching and I don't want to have gawkers.  We'll talk in a minute."  The rest of the guys in the room fled.  They'd seen his temper before.  John found a journal and flipped through it, finding some disgusting pictures.  A few didn't look too willing.  He walked the journal and pictures out to the meeting area.  "Anyone know about this and not share this fact?" he asked, waving the journal.

"I saw him with one of the locals," one said.  "He was being pushy but our team leader distracted him, Colonel."

"Which team was he on?"

"Six."

"She's dead from the last thing," he sighed.  The guy nodded.  "Any proof he's hurt anyone on Atlantis?"

"No, sir.  Not that we're aware of.  Do we think there's more?"

"If there is, what he got from Harris will look like a trip to the park," he said bluntly.  "I will not stand it.  It will not happen.  If we think it is or will be an issue I am to know immediately.  Am I clear?"  They all nodded.  "Good!  Morning meeting to go over the conduct unbecoming statutes since some people have forgotten them."  They all nodded.  "Hit your bunks.  Dean's still got PT tomorrow and he's not a happy camper at the moment either."  He walked over to O'Neill's apartment since his lights were on.  He knocked, holding up the journal when the door was answered.  "I searched his gear.  Xander said he tried to make a move on Gwen.  The pictures inside are a bit disturbing."

"The guy is where?"

"Having x-rays taken for possible broken ribs."

"Good."  He flipped through, coming to the first picture.  "Have the MP's arrest him.  I'll have the officer coming for the other ones get him too."  John nodded.  "You going to follow up Xander's talk with them?"

"First thing tomorrow before PT.  I made my point it would not happen or I'd make what he did look like a picnic."

"Good.  You and me both.  Make sure I'm there."

"Yes, sir."  He saluted and walked off.  He came back.  "By the way, Xander's paying me a second paycheck as a watcher now."  He walked off again.

"Is he paying you backpay for the last few years?" he called after him.  "Not like you didn't do the job, Sheppard."  He closed his door, calling the agent back.  "It's O'Neill again.  We found another one.  He tried to make a move on a slayer during a butt chewing.  Harris kicked his butt good."  He smirked.  "Infirmary on base.  Going into custody immediately."  He nodded.  "I'll meet you there."  He hung up and put the journal into a bag, sealing it shut.

John walked into the infirmary.  "Guys, he's in official custody by orders of General O'Neill."

The MP nodded.  "As soon as he's out of the machine I'll handcuff him to the bed, Colonel."

"Thank you.  He said someone's coming for him and the two."

Chase smiled.  "That'll be such fun I'm sure."

John smirked back.  "Morning ass chewing, guys.  Make sure everyone's there.  If I have to hunt, they'll hate it even more."  The MP nodded at that.  "Good."  He walked back to Tiff's side, looking at her.  "Faker," he teased with a smile.

"They want me to rest."

"Good.  Please do.  You have more slayer dreams let me know."

"Of course."  She let Abby tuck her in better.  That way Abby could take Rodney and go fuss at him.  John sat down beside her.  "I'm okay."

"I think it's part of the job description."

"I wouldn't know.  Never had one."  She looked at him.  "I'm safe."

He nodded.  "I can nap in here just as easily, Tiff."

"Fine.  Don't complain about sore necks."

"I'll curl up on the next bed if I have to."  She groaned, flipping onto her side away from him.  He put his feet up and grabbed a nearby magazine.  It might be a long day tomorrow but he'd had worse he was sure.

***

Gibbs walked a stack of folders up to Sheppard, handing them over.  "Notes from classwork with Thomas and Sam.  You'll need 'em.  Especially with the languages.  Some of them make *no* sense."

"Thanks for the warning."

Gibbs smiled.  "You'll do fine.  A lot of it is basically being a supportive big brother and watching her back.  You do that naturally.  Ronon would make a scarier watcher but then she'd pout forever about never getting to have a boyfriend."

"Not that I'm inclined to let her date scuzzy guys, but she might have one sometime."

Gibbs nodded.  "I feel the same way about the terror twins Mary and Anna.  The older girls I do background checks on theirs."

"I can see why.  They're dangerous together."

"Yes they are.  Good luck with that."

"Thanks.  How long did it take you?"

"I got what I needed and left the more esoteric and strange things to them.  Hunting, practical things, languages, how to interpret slayer dreams, sword work, crossbow work, more self defense skills."  He shrugged.  "Xander teaches the higher levels of sword and weapons work.  He's mean.  Fair warning, kid.  You'll be bruised for weeks."

"I'll try to avoid that."  Gibbs shook his head.  "Crap."

"It happens.  He usually quips that everyone looks good with a sword."  He walked off.  "Tiff's in your room.  I saw Abby escorting her.  Carter's on base too."

"Thanks for that warning too."  He walked off, taking the folders to his room.  Tiff looked up from her trashy tv show watching.  "Hey."

"Hey.  More homework?"

"Watcher class notes."  He put them down.  "Gibbs gave me his so I'd have a head start."

"That could help.  Sammy's got a huge brain to go along with his fantastic butt."

He smiled.  "You're feeling better?"

"Much.  The girls wanted me over here though."

"That's fine.  You can lounge.  We have PT in an hour."

"Jogging?"

"That would be mean."

"It'd be safer."

"Carter's on base."

"We can jog with you so the guys don't have to give you worried looks after you chewed them a new one earlier."

"The ones who have nothing to worry about are fine.  Two others decided confessing to their drunken playing around was a good idea.  One other problem person was identified and she's heading for the brig thanks to O'Neill."  He looked at her.  "Let me change."  She grinned.  "You find something to wear too."

"I can jog in these.  They're lycra.  Give me a t-shirt?"  He tossed her one of his and went to the bathroom to change.  She texted Carter that Dean was doing PT in an hour or they could jog now.  Sam said she'd meet them outside the building.  She changed her shirt and slid into her sneakers, bending over to tie them.  He came out in long shorts and a t-shirt, putting on his own sneakers.  "She'll meet us outside."

"That's fine.  Fence, road, or back roads?"

"Whatever."

He grinned.  "You're happily easy today."

"They're planting that damn bush."

"Roads," he decided, standing up and hauling her up.  "You sure?"  She punched him on the arm, making him yelp.  "Sure, you're back in fine slayer form."  They walked out, him locking his door.  Carter was outside stretching.  They joined in.  Dean walked behind them.  "We're running."

"That's cool.  The guys are watching the mini slayers practice battle yells with gooey looks on their faces."

John looked at him.  "Announce those who want it can do two hours in the gym or the pool?"

"Hey, a small break," Dean said, smirking at him.  "Have a good run, guys."  They nodded and took off.  Dean went to the practice yard.  "Sheppard said those who want it can do two hours in the pool and gym or run."  Half of the people ran off to do that instead.  He smirked.  "Could be worse, guys.  I started to learn what the girls are leaning at their age."

"Your dad's a harder Marine than some of us are," one quipped.

"Definitely.  We traveled all the time."  They shuddered.  "I learned how to hit and shoot when I was seven."  He finished his coffee.  "Stretch."  The younger slayers came bouncing over.  "This is military PT," he told them.

"So?  We're as good as them," one said, smiling at the guys.  "Can we, Dean?  Please?"

"Go have Brenda help.  She's pouting about the baby.  She does all the beginner training stuff."  They ran off to help her but one stayed long enough to hug him before running off.  He grinned.  "They're good girls," he told the people watching.

"They seem like it."  They finished and started what Dean usually did to them.  It'd be a long hour but a better workout.  They might need it if something happened on base.

They'd heard something was coming and they were some of the best prepared for strange, dangerous actions going on around them.  Look at what they had done before.

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  The End Jury.

The two higher beings looked at each other, one grimacing.  She shifted her position to watch what was going on with their beings.  "We have given them every opportunity and reason to call on us and they have not."

Her brother nodded.  "They have forgotten that we are over those called, not the Elders."  He changed one of the views.  "Due to that one's interference, things will not go as they should."

She stared at the witch.  "It is true that she had to undo some of what Rosenburg did, but it was not what we had wanted," she agreed.  "Therefore we have no champions.  The worlds will end."

"There are some but they are too young to do their duties," her brother corrected.

"They will be called thanks to that one's warping."

He looked at her.  "They could be activated already.  Then we would have none when we fixed this issue."

"That is true.  The balance will suffer until they are older, but that can be evened out within a year of them coming of age," she offered.

He considered their plans.  "There are too many things that may go wrong.  Too many higher evils.  Plus we do not know if one would automatically be called if something did happen to the older lines."

She considered it.  "We will give them one last test?"

He shook his head.  "They have failed too many times.  We will make them remember who they do belong to."  She smiled back and they joined hands.  Their will would be done.

***

Xander walked out along the fence.  He had a headache.  He wasn't sure why.  It wasn't like Sam's visions being passed along or even his own sort.  It wasn't his sinuses.  It wasn't like the time the telepathic demons had tried to shout themselves mentally hoarse.  But something was making his hackles go up.  It clearly wasn't going to be good.

***

Abby woke up with a gasp, looking around.  Rodney and John were off moving Atlantis to her new home.  She was alone tonight but something was seriously wrong!  She got out, grabbing clothes to throw on.  She did not want to face a bad something in her bat jammies.  She walked out hopping while putting on her sneakers.  She ran into House in the lobby of their building.  "What's going on?"

"We don't know yet."  They headed out together.  Others were converging on the area between the main building and the slayers' building.

Xander wasn't there, Abby realized that first.  She looked around, spotting Bauer.  "Xander?" she called.

"Last time I saw him he was heading for a walk," he called back.

"Pretend really well," she ordered.  Sam Winchester grabbed his skull, groaning as he tried hard not to fall to his knees.  Dean was at his side so he helped him sit and got him out of the vision.

"Danny, get the vault stored!" Dean shouted.  Bauer gave him a horrified look but got it moved into bags as fast as he could.

Abby started to feel something tickling in her brain.  She grabbed onto House's arm, making him grunt and look at her but the flash hurt like hell when it hit.  She didn't remember screaming but most everyone else would.  And the flash that happened during it.

***

Xander felt the vision bleeding over and winced, grabbing his forehead.  He kept himself moving back toward the base.  He fell down to his knees when the flash happened, his mind screaming but he wasn't going to allow himself to scream.  He made himself get up, blinding headache, spots in his vision, and all.  He hurried back, finding two missing buildings.  It was clear down to the dirt.  He stood for a second, looking around.  A few people were still there.  Daniel was gone.  John was there.  Jack O'Neill was there.  Fargo was gone.  He looked around again.  "Who had what vision and what was the flash?" he finally asked since they were all staring at him.

"You saw that?" John demanded.

"It hit me as I was coming back from the jogging path.  I've had a headache all night but then I got hit with a vision from someone else."

John moved closer.  "Sam had one.  Then Abby had one and screamed.  Everything flashed."

Xander shook his head slowly.  "No, the flash I saw wasn't part of the vision."  John glared.  "The bond, John."

"That's why I'm asking, Xander," he said firmly.

"Sam's was the girls in a battle, somewhere darker gray.  Almost like nighttime but there aren't any stars.   Fargo with a weapon.  An explosion but it wasn't any of us being hurt.  I got a flash from I guess that was Abby's that was different.  It was somewhere foggy, starlit, light and airy....."

"That sounds like the Powers' realm," a female voice said.

Xander stared at the demon who had appeared.  "It does?  The last time we saw them, it was in another realm."

"It is," she said with a smug look.  "Pity they're saving their favorites."  She snapped her fingers and the gate blew in.  "You should be happy that they'll be taken care of by someone else."

Xander pulled his gun but John shot her first.  Xander looked at him.  "Armory?"

"With them."

"Jack!" he bellowed.  "Closet of the barn!  My office, under the desk, Sheppard's room thanks to Tiff."  He nodded, sending people off to grab whatever was in those spots.  Xander and John started to shout orders about how to form things.  Most of the remaining people were doing what they had to do since people were streaming in through the main gate and then through a breach in the fence.  The natural disasters of herbology they had gotten from the Pegasus galaxy planets were slowing them down a lot.  There was a lot of bellowing as things got into the spiny vines.   Xander and the agents were firing on the demons pouring in.  The first bag of gear came back.

O'Neill opened it and stared in horror.  "Harris, I'm paddling you!" he yelled.

Xander glanced back, ducking a shot at him.  "Why?  Did they grab something besides weapons?"

"No!  You didn't let us know we had these!"

"You don't!  They're mine!  You're borrowing them!" he shot back, yelping when something hot creased his thigh.  He glared and shot the demon who looked too smug.  "Ha!  Bastard!"  He reloaded and went back to it.  Jack fired on the first group of demons.  They went flying in bits and pieces.  The agents in front were sprayed but most just made complaining noises.

Horatio wiped at the goo, growling.  "How dare they," he muttered.  He took aim and shot another few.  The next time he heard the whine of artillery, he got behind a convenient concrete sign obelisk.  It saved him from more problems.  "How many more?" he called.

"No visions," Xander called.  "Not about this one."  They all nodded.  Xander was keeping himself from panicking.  He hadn't panicked this bad during the invasion.  "Jack, the prison?" he called.

"Shit," O'Neill called.  Someone went running that way.  The guards had locked it down but someone was trying to get in.  Winchester went running to help with that problem.  The rest of them were holding on.  O'Neill was swearing while calling in reinforcements.

The demons made way for humans.

Humans with anti demon armbands.

Guns.

Way too many guns.

The demons sneered at the agents and joined with the new humans.  Some of the humans took them on but they wanted the agents gone apparently.  Enough that they would deal with the demons later.

Sirens were coming up the road.  SUV's with agents.  Helicopters started to come in.

***

Daniel looked around the darker, softer looking realm.  They were standing on dark earth that felt spongy.  There weren't any mountains they could see.  Nothing.  "Who do we have?" he shouted, gathering people.  The slayers were with them.  Faith took charge of the girls, getting them with Dean, Sam, and Bauer.  They were deploying to watch for whatever was going to happen.

Sam looked around.  "Guys, this isn't the apocalypse battle," he noted.  They all stared at him.  "It's not.  All of us who've seen it saw an invasion.  The buildings were back in North Dakota."

"Then what is this?" Danny Messer demanded, glaring at him.

"This isn't the demon in that portal," Fargo said, closing his eyes.  He opened them and they were glowing.  "I did not call upon you, though you could release me if you wished."

"No chance," Daniel said.  "What's going on.  And get out of Fargo.  He's not Xander."

"He could be the specially chosen one if we so wished," he said smugly.  Sam came forward but the demon shoved him back.  "Do not try, mortal.  I'm not harming him but I'm too powerful to appear in front of you.  So I'm ...borrowing for a few moments.  What are you doing in my confinement?"  He looked around.  "Did you choose to come here?" he asked when no one said anything.

"No, we didn't," Danny Jackson said.  "We were woken up by something going on and got sent here by someone."

"Hmm."  He considered it.  "I don't know why a higher being would send you here."

Faith moved closer, staring at him.  "First, which ones could send us here.  Second, can you get us back?"

"Hmm, no, I cannot move you without you releasing me."  He smiled.  "Which does work out well for me, young Chosen."  He looked over her shoulder then back at her.  "It is fortuitous."

"Not really.  What's going on back at home?" Faith demanded.  "Can you see that?"

His eyes unfocused and the glow faded a bit.  "Yes.  They're not having a good day.  And sending you back in the middle of the fight is not a good idea, young Chosen."

Faith stared at him.  "Why?"

"Because the ones that are not your duty to solve are involved now."

She looked around.  "So how do we get back?"

"Release me," he said bluntly.

Sam smirked.  "I can get you out of Fargo.  Would that help?"  He started an exorcism chant.  The demon giggled but Sam put all his skills behind it.  The demon finally yelped and had to leave.  "Danny?" he called, glancing around.

"No clue," he admitted.  "What do we have, Jack?"

"A lot.  The whole armory came with us.  Plus the buildings."

Daniel looked back at him.  "What got left?"

"Xander's been leaving hidden bags of weapons around the base," Dean said calmly.  "Including some stuff he just got done the other day."

Daniel nodded.  "Good!  Why didn't he tell me?"

"He had another vision," Sam sighed, looking at him.  "That some of us weren't going to be at the battle.  He kept having that vision of Fargo with a weapon but it wasn't at the fight."

Daniel nodded, looking at Fargo.  Faith was letting the girls fuss over him.  "Okay.  Why didn't he tell me?"

"He didn't see you there either," Sam pointed out.  "We had another layered one."

Dean nodded, swallowing hard.  "We saw some flimsy, foggy stuff," he told him.  "No idea why."

Faith stiffened, staring at him.  "Foggy, blue-skinned beings, togas?"

Dean nodded slowly.  "Yeah, that's something I saw that the others didn't."

"The fucking Powers!" she shouted.

The demon snickered from inside Brenda.  "Indeed, probably."

"Not her," Sam growled.  "You'll taint the baby."  The demon gave him a gentle smile and nodded, floating over to Dean.  "Dean?"

"Yeah, fine," he muttered.  "I guess it's my turn."  The demon entered him.

"Hmm, this one is good."  He looked at Faith, smiling at her.  "You can have him back later.  I don't want to keep him."

Daniel looked around.  "You're sure it was the Powers?"

"There's not many that could send you here who are still around today."

"Why?" Faith demanded.

"I am here, I am not privy to their plans."

"Can we call on Leo?" one of the younger slayers begged.  "They help us."

"Who is this Leo?" the demon asked.

"He's a White Lighter," Sam said.

"Ah!  An Elder's lapdog."  Faith muttered something she had heard Xander mutter a few times while injured and kicked the corner of the slayer dorm.  "Someone still speaks that language?"

"No," Daniel said.  "I taught it to Xander.  My people deal with them."  The demon stared at him.  He stepped forward and the demon moved closer, laying a hand on his head.  Dean's eyes went wide and he floated out of the boy's body.

"Huh," Dean said.  "They're seriously not fond of the blipped beings."

"I'm not always fond of them," Daniel admitted.  The demon went back to Fargo.  "If you get him stuck that badly, we're going to kill you."

"As you wish if you want to try.  I could use some entertainment."

"We're not that entertaining.  That's Xander, and he's back in the battle," Brenda snapped.

"Calm down," Dean ordered.  "Sit down too."  She huffed but sat down. "We keep seeing a battle," he told Daniel quietly.

"From?"

"No clue."

The demon pointed off to the south.  "They really are not pleased that you overthrew their plans.  Especially since they removed some of the other battle to here."

"Any chance our people are all right?" Daniel asked.

"I cannot see that," he said dryly.  He stood up.  "If you're going to fight up here, you should probably be ready.  They are here to make you pray to those you forgot."

Faith snorted.  "We didn't forget the Powers.  We threw them over for being dicks."  She looked around.  "Brenda, help Jack with the weapons."  The younger slayer opened her mouth but Dean pointed with a scowl.  "Preggers," she reminded her.  "Too valuable to fight."

"Fine, but the next one I'm kicking major butt."

"Fine," Dean agreed.  "We can babysit."  She smirked but got busy handing out weapons.  Demons showed up.  Dean looked.  "Aren't those...."

"Sword vulnerable but not shooting," Sam sighed.  "Guys, swords!"  They grabbed them.  A few of the girls looked at the battle axe. One of the agents grabbed it and headed out.  The girls got their scythes.  The main one from the library got handed to Faith.  Then it was on.

***

Xander winced as Ryan fell next to him, checking his throat.  "Damn it," he muttered, banishing him at the medics they had set up.  That small gift for magic was giving him a migraine but Ryan could be saved.  He was blocking out the ones who had fallen already.  Some of O'Neill's people were gone.  Two of the agents were down and he didn't want to grieve yet.  That would mean giving up.  If he dwelled, he'd do something stupid and heroic.  Then he'd be gone too.

Instead, he grabbed a bigger gun and fired it at the group of rushing humans and demons.  It clicked and he groaned, using his pocketknife to cut the lock off it.  Someone had put a zip-tie lock on it.  This time it worked but they were closer.  Horatio glared at the new spots of blood on him.  Xander threw the empty housing at the demons, making them scream.

Dawn appeared in a flash of light.  "Oh, *HELL* no!" she shouted, calling up power.  She fried a good few people.

"No!" Xander shouted.  "Go help the medics!"

"I'm...." she started, pouting at him.  He pointed at the missing buildings and she swore.  But she agreed, she might need that power to get them back.

Xander turned in time to block a blow and duck another one.  This bitch wasn't getting past him either.  He saw Horatio get knocked out but he wasn't bleeding.  He banished him and prayed heavily at the Old Gods to help them.  Because this was clearly a bitchy Power issue.  More agents streamed in and he shouted an order to get the ones struggling out of the plants.  They rushed at them and a few went after the back-end of the attacking force.  Things weren't looking good for them but they had backup.  He heard a zapping/hissing sound and looked back, finding Cameron Mitchell.  "Thank you, Goddess," he shouted.  "Jack has the special bags!"

"I know."  He fired on another human.  Xander got back to the fight.  His troops from the Stargate program were a lot of help, though he did wish they had more on hand.  Like Sheppard's people.  They had bad timing to go move Atlantis!

***

Daniel shot at one of the demons bumbling his way.  "Oh, hell no!" he muttered in Chinese.  He used his sword instead and it helped, some.  "I need to take more lessons with Xander!"

"Us too," Faith called.  "Damn!"

"You good?" Dean yelled from where he was defending some of the weaker agents.

"Yeah.  Ripped my pants."

"Pity, but we'll handle it later," he agreed.  Personally, Dean wasn't sure he wanted his to disappear until *after* he got the crap stains out of them.  Or burned them to destroy the proof.  He hoped the base assault was going better than theirs.

Fargo found some things that Jo had exported from the Eureka armory and it felt like home again.  The situation of the week that had to be destroyed.  Pity for the demons.  He fired the energy weapon and it blew the demon apart.  He almost smirked at the chorus of 'eeww!' but that was just like the agents.  The girls would go 'ew' later.

***

Xander ducked another blow and kicked them back then found out he was out of ammo.  The human sneered.  Xander hit him with the gun, knocking him out.  He tossed it aside and grabbed something from the bag.  He had put assault rifles and reloads in there.  There should be at least one left.  Yup!  He was in luck but not many reload clips.  So he'd have to make his shots count.  Which he did.  He did graze an agent but the guy who was going to kill him was dead.  The agent looked then nodded his thanks before moving to disable the next being.  "That one takes lead, Agent FBI clone 2!"

The guy flinched but nodded and knocked it down and handcuffed it instead.  That worked just as well to him.  The one that the information had been meant for did the same thing.  It was what they were trained to do.  The FBI agents heard a roar and looked at the empty area.  "Prison?" one begged.

"No," Eric shouted.  "They're locked down."  The agents relaxed and went back to things.  Eric hoped they were still locked down anyway.  Or else they were screwed!  And he hadn't been to Mass in weeks.  He'd fix that oversight in the morning.  He winced when he saw something heavier than a bullet be fired at them but Dawn stopped it and turned it back on them.  The agents gaped in horror.  "Leave her alone, she's ICW," he called.  The agents nodded, moving to guard her and the others in the make-shift infirmary.

***

House looked at the newest one being brought over with injuries.  "Did you have to fall on your sword?" he demanded.  The guy whined and shook his head.  "Damn it!"

Chase looked over.  "We'll handle it.  He's not that bad."  He moved to help the one with the open wound on his chest.  "Shit!"  House moved to help him contain the bleeding and stop the sucking from the chest wound.  Saran wrap was make-shift but it'd do for a few minutes until they could stabilize her better.  Calleigh needed a lot more help than they could do until the battle was done with.

***

Xander fired off another rocket and prayed that they didn't have any more reinforcements.  A few demons appeared but attacked the ones attacking them.  He prayed really hard at the Goddess.  The Powers could screw themselves, he wanted a God on his side this time.

"Keep your concentration, kid," a familiar voice ordered.

Xander spun, staring at the balance demon.  "What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"It's time to make a choice," he said smugly.  Xander hit him.  "Hey!  Not nice!"

"I'm not fucking nice, Whistler," Xander growled.  The balance demon backed away slowly.  "Tell the Powers no thanks.  The Slayer line doesn't bow, blow, or suck them.  They turned their backs on us when we needed them, they tried to kill us for no fucking reason, screw them."

"If you're sure," he offered.  "I can make their next wave be held off."  He did *not* want to be here, but the Powers were making him give the kid an offer he shouldn't refuse.

Xander snorted.  "No you can't.  You don't have that sort of power."

"You could pray to them."

Xander smirked evilly.  "I can do other things too."  He let out a loaded wish in the demon language he knew.  The demon tried to get him to stop but oh well!  Suddenly things were quiet.  Xander saw everything frozen and looked at the wish demon that appeared.  "This is the Powers' idea of 'pray to us because we're feeling neglected'?"

She nodded.  "It is," she agreed, moving closer.  "You caught most of the clues, Xander.  Why call on me?"

"Because, Hallie, I know you're not one of them anymore."  He stared at her.  "Innocents will die, including children.  Including the warriors you're over."  She nodded.  "Switch ten people from this battle to that one.  I can tell it's going on."

"You'd be more use up there with the sword training."

Xander shook his head.  "No."

"Calleigh could and will die if House doesn't save her."

"We have other docs coming and Chase is a good doc.  If she's not meant to die, she won't.  I trust Chase with everything in me."

She stared at him.  "Just ten?  Not twelve?"

He shrugged.  "They need the heft and I need some things that's in the building.  Like your diary from your third year of service."

She smirked evilly.  "That's asking for a lot."

"No, not really."

She considered it.  "What if I say no?"

"Then we destroy each one, we rebuild, and we become what the demons fear instead of what we are now.  Because I will end every single demon if everyone else here falls."  Whistler looked impressed but he faded out to let them know their ploy had been averted by some quick thinking from a smartass of the universe.

She nodded.  "True.  You'll drive them that way."  He nodded.  "Fine."  She snapped her fingers.  The battle resumed and Xander forgot all about the talk.  But the personnel switch was done and the book appeared next to Dawn's hand.  She manifested to Dawn for a minute.  "A wish got asked for."  She disappeared.

Dawn grabbed the book to find the spell it had to contain.  She found it and started to cast it, putting all the Key's strength behind it.  Suddenly, a loud shriek went off and she looked at the prison.  That was a bad noise.  She finished the spell and the demons fighting against the agents dissolved.  So did the ones trying to escape.  She got up and walked out there, arms out, hair flowing back like there was a breeze.  "Oh, no you don't!" she shouted.  She let the rest of the spell hit the stupid anti-demon humans.  They all screamed.  "The things you learn from books," she said sarcastically.

"Nice Crucio, Dawn!" Speed shouted.  "Go help the wounded!"

"Fine!"  She went back to helping them while the agents mopped up things and the prison riot got stopped.  She saw Xander fall to his knees but there were a lot of injured.  She couldn't take the time to help him calm down.

***

Daniel looked around at the new flash.  "What the hell!" he shouted at Dean.

Fargo, and his passenger, looked around.  "Hmm, that young one is very crafty.  Very Slytherin of him."

"You read Harry Potter?" Sam quipped, stabbing the next demon.

"I got bored, a copy of the movies appeared.  It only took a second to watch it."  He shrugged and blew away a few more demons.  This was *his* realm and the Powers had declared war on his realm.  They were not going to be happy when he got free and took them out.  He felt the lock spell weakening.  The one holding him closed was weakening.  Interesting.  It was a bloodline lock.  Though the person wasn't up here.

***

Dawn noticed Ryan was starting to bleed again and moved to stop it.  "Damn it!  I need House or someone!" she shouted at the sky.  "Before he fucking dies!"  A military medic came running over to help her.  "It was just a graze.  We bandaged it."

"It might've been done psychically.  I've seen it before, Miss Summers."

"How do you know me?" she demanded.

He grinned.  "I'm SG and Tiff told us."  She stared at him for a moment but helped.  He'd never admit he used to be Initiative but had hidden it after the take-down.  Thank god he had been on leave that week.  Stargate suited him just fine.

***

Daniel saw the last demon fall and panted, leaning down to catch his breath.  "House?" he croaked.  "We good?"

"Hell no!"

"Damn it," he complained, looking at Fargo.  "Get us home so he can operate and save them!  Please!"

The demon stared at him.  "I can't do that unless you release me."

Sam shot Fargo with the special bullets Xander had made for the Colt.  The demon screamed and so did Fargo, but he'd be okay.   It wasn't a fatal shot by any means for the human body.  The demon was released, just not the way he wanted.

***

In Eureka, a special news report started.  Sheriff Carter stared then blindly called someone.  "Turn on the news, Stark.  DCIS just got attacked and the news report is showing missing buildings."  He hung up as he turned it up.  He paged Jo.  She'd want to know and they could be worried about Fargo and their newer friends together.  Plus maybe she could find something new to send the base for weapons if they needed some.

He hoped Fargo was all right.  He hadn't caught sight of him yet.

***

"Someone tell the slug sucking vamp bait to get out of my face!" Dawn shouted.  "Before I shoot the reporters!"  Agents led them off, confiscating their cameras.  Dawn got back to bandaging and stitching duties.  This was not a good time for a reporter to show up.

But it was a good time for the rest of the base to show up apparently.

"Thank you, God!" Eric shouted.  "House!"

"Get her to the infirmary, now!" he ordered when people came rushing his way.  "Unless they've got someone just as bad, she's first in surgery."  The medics nodded, moving them that way.   House looked at the others.  "Damn, people."  He saw the mess.  He saw Xander on his knees, panting, but he had a job to do that went past his need to help Xander not lose his temper.  He limped as fast as he could after a gurney, going to help in surgery until more doctors showed up.  Thank God James had went home for a few days.  He saw more SG doctors coming in and let Frasier, who was still on crutches, take Calleigh for now.  She was a better surgeon than he was.  She could brace herself or they'd find her a stool or something.

***

Daniel looked around as things quieted.  He saw the mess.  He saw the extra agents.  He saw Cam Mitchell panting and holding a slight wound closed.  "Cam?" he asked, moving closer.  "You good?"

"Hell no.  O'Neill called for backup."

"I can see why."  He got him to the less medically necessary line of injured and looked around.  "Who fell?"

"Ryan's injured, bleeding from a graze on the neck for some reason," Dawn reported, sighing as she looked at him.  "Horatio's knocked out.  We lost Mac, I think.  The SG docs took him off but he was sheet covered.  I'm not sure, Danny."  She gave him a hug and broke down.  "Why?"

"Stupid higher ups," Faith complained as she limped in.  She took the girl to look at.  "Never forget they did this to us, munchkin."  Dawn nodded, wiping her face off.  "Come help the girls.  You're a Watcher, they'll listen to you."  Dawn nodded, coming to help the Winchesters.

Daniel got his people checked over and mourned the ones that had been taken by SG personnel.  Who knows what the new general was thinking.  Maybe they'd try the sarcophagus on them.  He hoped so.  He didn't want to lose his people.  He swallowed, looking around.  No Xander.  No Jack and no Xander.  He found Jack staring at Xander's back but someone was walking out toward him.

Speed started to go but had to help Eric.  He was pretty banged up.  He felt for Xander.  He truly did.  He wanted to go cuddle the boy.  Fortunately someone was going to.  The other agents were giving him a wide berth for some reason.  Probably scared of the temper coming back.

Sam walked out there slowly, touching Xander on the arm.  He squatted down next to him, ignoring the blood underneath Xander's knees.  The whole field was bloody and part-filled.  It was smoking in spots.  It looked like the warzone it had been.  Xander was still panting.  Sam tipped his face up.  "We will rebuild," he said quietly.

"Fuck them.  They did this on purpose."

"I know.  I got the same vision, Xander."  Xander shook his head.  "No what?"

"A balance demon tried to get me to make a choice in the center."

"Screw him."  Sam shifted a bit closer.  "We will not forget this, and when it's time, it'll be resolved," he said quietly.

"They did it on purpose because *I* told the girls they could make their own choices," he said bitterly.

"If you didn't, the world would've ended by now," Sam said simply.  Xander shook his head.  "Let it out, Xander.  Please?  You can't be this angry.  Not right now."  Xander swallowed a sob but Sam pulled him closer, letting him rest on his shoulder.  Speed came out to help him move Xander out of sight of the other agents and reporters.  Sam glared at a reporter.  "I'm going to make you fucking eat that camera, dude."  The reporter backed off.  "Guys, please?  We don't need this right now.  The rest of us were in a battle too."

The agents got that reporter and the ones that had snuck back in and confiscated their gear too.  Sam took Xander down to the infirmary.  He sat him down and let Speed hold him for now while he got the stitching supplies and bandages he'd need.  Xander had a few very bad cuts.  One that someone higher should look at, but they were too busy.  Dean came over to help but Sam waved him off, getting a nod.  Dean went to check on the girls instead.  Sam made soothing noises while Speed held him.  He looked around.  Bauer was on a bed too.  Knocked out and bleeding slightly.  Once they got done with Xander, they moved to help him.

Everyone in the infirmary was working as silently as they could.  The prison's near riot was nearly calmed down.  Dawn stomped past the doorway and down to the prison to finish it.  They heard some shouting but it was the demons getting away from her.  A few smiled at that but went back to the task of putting people back together again.

***

Daniel walked out to the press conference he had been ordered to hold.  "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for giving us some time to clean up the mess and get our personnel back toward healing."  He looked around.  "While I'm not pleased and highly offended that reporters decided to sneak in during a battle, risking their lives and my agents' lives to try to protect them, I'll be nice today to you."  He stared around again.  "Yes, DCIS is still an agency.  The President just gave us permission to hire almost double the agents that we had.  Those who survived attacking us are already being charged with terrorism and other like charges.  I would like to thank all those who showed up to *help* the battle.  All my former coworkers, all Jack O'Neill's former coworkers, all the agents who came in when we needed them most.  Thank you for your help."  He folded up his note card.  "That's all."

"Director, what happened to two of the buildings?" one shouted.

Daniel looked at her.  "Something higher up was mad that we stepped in to stop demon-on-demon and demon-on-human crimes so that was their plan.  They sent some of us, and the buildings, to another demon realm.  Where the head demon had no knowledge or intention of picking a side.  Thankfully we ended that problem as well."  They shivered at his cold tone.  "DCIS is not changing the way we do things.  We are the condom that keeps the harmful demons from hurting humanity and demon-kind."

He walked off, going to find Xander.  He was still mad at the Powers and might try to have a go at them but Sam and Speed had him well in hand at the moment.  He was calming down with House right now.  They were both drunk in House's apartment.  House was teaching Xander how to play the piano while Sam and Speed called out helpful jibes and helped them get drunker.  Sam smiled at him and nodded, giving him a beer.  "Thanks.  The press should be gone."

"I'd hate to feed them to something," Xander muttered, concentrating on the music House was teaching him.

"I'm sure you would," Daniel agreed.  "Xander?"  Xander looked at him.  "Memorial?"

"Tonight?"

"Tonight.  Are you okay?"

"No."

"Want to talk?"

"No."

"All right.  Remember, we're here for you too."  He left, taking his beer to Jack's apartment, where Cam and the others were waiting on him.  He flopped down and shoulder nudged Cam.  "I woke up to a screaming, ranting email this morning from Sheppard."

"I would've expected McKay since his wife was injured," Jack admitted, taking a drink of beer and a handful of corn chips to chase it with.

"No, his went to her.  Sheppard ranted that we had the base assault without him.  Threatened to send me teams for permanent placement.  Threatened to put Abby inside a cotton wool protective suit so she couldn't get banged up again and make the city nearly have seizures because Rodney was having a fit to end all fits, and cities apparently."

"We're rotating teams," Jack said.  "Starting with ours.  Then we'll move onto the next team that needs downtime and healing time."  He took another drink and another few chips.

"Decent.  I could use some time for the stitches to heal," Cam admitted.  "Xander's one hell of a fighter."

"He's still angry enough to go after them too," Daniel admitted quietly.

"We heal and move on, like always," Jack reminded him.  "Just like every other battle any of us have been in, we have to heal and move on again.  Then remember when we have nightmares."

The others nodded and clinked bottles at that toast.

The End.

Table of Contents

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Family Negotiations. 2

Demon Criminal Investigative Services: The Consequences of Willow. 29

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Temper, Temper. 82

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Personal Matters. 106

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  A Play Day on Base. 135

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  The King of DCIS Gathers Information. 260

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Booms and Babes. 284

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Big Moves. 302

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Playing Make Up and Wed. 325

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  Captain Improbable. 356

Demon Criminal Investigative Services:  The End Jury. 402