COUSINS OF POWER

Voracity

Blood sometimes does tell the strongest stories, make the strongest bonds, and the strangest people friends.  Especially when things are desperate.  Sometimes the only ones you can count on are your blood.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Legacy Revealed

(thanks to Spurio for the name).  We find a semi-lost family of Xander's coming forward to deal with supernatural problems.  Now if only they believed him about the problems in Sunnydale.

Chapter 2: Closing Arguments

(Thanks to Spurio for the name)  The next big apocalypse starts, as they always do. Yet, life goes on and changes the people being forced through it.

Chapter 3: Africa To Aw, Hell

Even when Xander isn't there, some things have to draw in the cousins.  Like LA going to hell.

Chapter 4: Dealing With Doorways

(Thanks to Suprio for the name) NC-17!   When one door closes, another opens to a new lifelong journey.  Sometimes with some help from a few pushy aunts.

Chapter 5: Shiny, Semi-Helpful Sightings

Xander's new job of making weapons is going well enough for him to start sharing.  John brings his team up to meet Muffin, and then an apocalypse happens.  Isn't the way it always goes?

Chapter 6: Slamdowns By The Smartasses

The bonding issue comes to a head when they're forced to deal with it due to it making changes in the guys.  Especially the one where the plot behind the bonding comes into the light.

Chapter 7: Pushy Pussheads Trying To Get Their Way

What do you do when the higher ups want you to do something you don't want to do?  You get stubborn! Or possibly vindictive.

Chapter 8: Returns

Xander is asked to go back to Sunnydale to clean out anything that shouldn't fall into the wrong hands.  As his digging quest is on-going he gets some help from bigger muscles.  Bit funny, bit sad.

Chapter 9: Mind Games

More on the 'shippy side but some things start to settle down in the trio's lives, even if people are asking nosy questions, making assumptions, or trying their best to cause problems.

Chapter 10: Watch The Willow Wiggle

One of these days, Willow will learn that leaving Xander alone is always a good idea.  NC-17

Chapter 11: Plotting Puny Plots

Is it the demons that're confused or the Higher Ups?  Because someone got something wrong somewhere.

Chapter 12: Warped Planning

Rodney has a brief moment of crisis of faith/science.  Xander realizes that things haven't been seen yet and does his impersonation of Common Sense Man, which means there's a mass meeting and pie.

Chapter 13: Hellish Hosts Helping Out

Xander goes to some higher beings to get their support to move the probable apocalypses off-realm and we find some new things out as the new Court is formed.

Chapter 14: Hunting The Horribles

Gou'ald in vampires?  Yeah, it's like that.  R for Violence rating.

Chapter 15: Heating Up

Things go a bit odd thanks to a minor wish demon, and then ... things get heated.

/// = flasbhacks.

Chapter 1: Legacy Revealed

(thanks to Spurio for the name).  We find a semi-lost family of Xander's coming forward to deal with supernatural problems.  Now if only they believed him about the problems in Sunnydale.

"So, if I call and ask for help *this* time do you think you can come?"  Xander was having to do something he didn't like to do, call on his cousins who also knew about demon hunting.  Not that they participated but they did know enough to protect themselves and handle any major emergencies near them.  This first call.... Don was upstanding but uptight and hated to be bothered but it was nearly an emergency.  Four kids couldn't do it on their own.  Not this time.

"What is it this time?" the tired voice asked.  "Gotta say, this can't be that bad.  Last time's wasn't."

"No, he managed to close it and go to hell with his soul, because somehow Willow did something that last time took seven people to do just after waking up from a coma.  But thanks for that.  Oh, and by the way, the ascension coming up?  Could use some help."  He hung up.  He rubbed his face.  Someone had to handle this better.  He was grunt support.  He called a cousin he hadn't talked to recently.  This one was slightly less uptight.  Mostly. "Tony, if I ask, would you please send a few Marines to my graduation this Saturday and make sure they're armed?  Especially if they can handle strange things?"

"Why?"

"Because we're going to need some.  Frankly, I'm tired, we're all tired, we're having a giant demon coming to kill us all and we've got five of us.  So, did you make out a will yet?" he said dryly.

"It's not that bad.  You can banish most of them."

"He's been working on it for over a century.  No we can't.  We can't kill him before it either because he did something to make him invincible until he changed.  Tried and failed already before you suggest it."

"Well, I can tell you how bad the plans are if you send them to me."

"I already know they're bad.  We've got five or six people and a hundred foot pure demon coming.  During graduation if I didn't mention that part."

"Eeeeh."  He sighed.  "Can you manipulate the plans so he's not summoned there?"

"Can't.  He's speaking at graduation then changing sometime during it."

"Huh?"

"Ascension," he said slowly and clearly.

"What's that got to do with anything?  That's a spirit rite."  He heard a beep.  "Is that you or me?"

"Probably you.  My friends aren't talking to me right now because I'm only useful.  But can I please have some backup this time?  We solved the Acathla thing.  We solved the second slayer going dark thing.  We solved the hellmouth opening again thing.  I'd really like to not have to handle this thing with no backup."

"Call the others yet?"

"I basically got told I was a drama queen."

"I'll see if some who knows more about this stuff wants to go."  The beep happened again.  "That's probably my boss.  Be safe, call me later tonight?"

"I'll be making bombs tonight," he said bluntly.  Then he hung up.  "Maybe I should try to sink the whole town while I'm at it."  He went to the library to work on the bombs.  The overall plan was laying out and he looked at it.  "Won't work," he moaned.  He stared at it, making changes.  Their watcher, Giles, came out.  "We forgot stuff."

"What did we forget?" he asked.

Xander looked at him.  "Spectators."

"Oh, dear."

"Yeah."  He went back to it.  "We need more people," he decided.

"Let me talk to someone," Cordelia said from her seat.

Xander looked at her.  "You sure?"

"Maybe."

"Please?"

"If I can."  She got up and went to talk to some people.  This was not going to be pretty.  She was too hot to die of being eaten by a giant demon worm.

Xander sat down to rework the whole plan.  The bombs, he'd let stay.  He hoped his cousin came through with some backup.  Sometime soon.  Really.  He hated that his cousins didn't believe how bad it was where he was because no one else in the family had ever been here.  Hell, the weekend they had all been told hadn't been that fun either.

////

Two Years Earlier, give or take a few months

The old man looked at the people he had called to be here.   Most of them looked confused.  A few were trying very hard not to look confused.  Two clearly had enough experience in things not feeling right that they were casually relaxed but watching.  He came out of the shadows the youngest in the room was staring at.  His mother had been a troublesome thing in the family for years.  Her own training had went to hell thanks to her husband.  He hadn't wanted to believe so she had shown him, nearly getting them both killed.

She had never forgiven herself and he had never forgiven her.  So now they drank to forget that they hated each other most of the time.  That one, he was strong though.  He cleared his throat, getting the attention of the two that were talking.  "I'm Darryl.  I'm the present head of this family," he said calmly.  "I've called you here because someone forgot to do their jobs and tell you about us."

"We're related?" the young boy said, glaring at him.  "Really?  I've never seen you at family reunions or anything."

He looked at the boy.  "I'm your mother's godfather, Alexander."  The boy snorted at that.  "I knew her long before she started to drink."

"Whatever.  What's with the problems?"

"We need to talk about things.  Family things.  As you can see, I'm not all that young.  You are all entitled to come out to the family home now and then when you need help from one of us, but there's things that people should have told you about the family and didn't."  He looked around, seeing the confused looks.  "This is not going to go over well.  There are...situations that the family helps handle now and then.  Most of us anyway."

"So how are we related?" a young man in his early thirties asked with a New York accent.

Darryl pulled out the chart.  "This is the family chart.  You're about a fifth cousin to most of those in the room.  Unfortunately the more direct members have had some problems in the last few years so there's not many of them left."  He let them see it.  He pointed at one for Alexander's benefit.

"I saw.  And I know who you are," he said bluntly but quietly.  "Mom spilled a bit when I got the letter."  He stared him down.  "Not that some of us don't know."  He sat up.  "So, what's the sitch?  Big, horrible family news?  Just a reunion?"

"Mostly just a reunion though there are a few gifts within the family that could be of help to all of you."  He looked at the boy.  "You know?"

"Yeah, I help a nice British guy and his charge."  Darryl stiffened, staring at him.  "I have for the last six months.  Mom doesn't know, but I do."

"Oh, dear."

Xander snorted.  "Ya think?"  He looked at the rest of the family.  "What he's not trying to say is that a lot of the people on there have died due to protecting others from things that they don't want to think about.  And neither do you most likely.  The same as I do most nights."  They all stared at him.  He grinned.  "Welcome to the family," he quipped.

"Alexander," Darryl sighed, shaking his head.  "Not the best way to break that news.  Yes, the ones who have died recently have mostly been due to helping protect people against things that were going to kill them.  A few have been car accidents and one did die of cancer," he told the boy.

"No he didn't.  He died of AIDS."

"He did?" Darryl demanded.

"Um, yeah.  Saw him in the hospice.  He called and asked Mom to visit.  I had to drive her since she couldn't."

"I never got told that."

Xander looked at him.  "I don't think he wanted you to freak."

"Probably."  He shrugged and sighed a bit.  "As it happens to other families it does to us as well.  Even the mundane things can get one of us."  He lit something and put it down.  The boy glared. "It's simple incense.  The air outside stinks."

"You're in silicon valley.  Yeah."

"Kid, you need a shrink or just drugs?" the New Yorker asked.

Xander looked at him then snorted.  "Neither, thank you."  He looked at Darryl.  "Tonight?"

"Tonight?" Darryl asked back.

"Fine.  Who's going with me tonight on patrol?" he asked the others.  "That way you can see and touch and ask questions to before he has to make you huff off."

The others stared.  "Why would we huff off?" one messy, dark haired guy asked.

Xander smirked.  "Let's go.  Field trip."  He stood up.  "Seriously.  C'mon," he said when they didn't.  "That way he doesn't have to explain."

"That's not good when they're not trained," Darryl told him.

Xander stared at him.  "Neither was I the first time."  He walked them out.  Darryl had a minivan so he got them into it.  Darryl took the others.  Xander knew exactly where he was going.  He was going where his mother had taken her husband.  "For the record, my mother did this same trip with her new husband.  They weren't happy with each other."  He pulled in.

"This is a crypt cemetery," one said.

"Duh," Xander agreed.  "Very observant."  He pointed.  "We're going there."  He walked them that way, taking one and hauling him along by his arm like Willow would.  He was not going to explain the supernatural to anyone.  If they needed to know, it was better they had things in front of them that they couldn't refute.  He looked at the door then knocked it in.  The two creatures in there hissed.

"What the hell!" the messy haired one demanded, looking at the boy.

"Welcome to the family business."  He walked them inside, hauling the well-dressed one in with them.  "These, well, they're kinda obviously what they are."  Darryl walked the others in, grimacing at the two creatures.  "Which kind are they?"

"Stakeable," he admitted.  "Holy water killable as well.  What kind are nearest you, Alexander?"

"Xander, not the full name.  We have Aurellian around us.  A lot of them."  He pointed for the ones staring at them in horror.  "Yes, they're vampires.  They do exist.  There's about thirteen, fourteen species of them."

"Why aren't they attacking?" the New Yorker asked calmly, hand on his gun.

"Why would they attack?" Darryl asked.  "They fed well last night from some local cattle."

Xander looked at him then at them.  He smirked.  "Hi, guys.  Have you been to Sunnydale?"  They glared at him and one hissed at him.  He smacked it on the head.  "Bad vamp!  No blood for you."  The other one lunged.  Xander got it down but not easily.  And staked within a heartbeat of it hitting the floor.  He got up, pushing back his hair.  "That's what the family does."  He looked at the others.  "Like I said, you guys wouldn't believe without a show and tell.  No one does."  He looked at Darryl.  "What else was on the agenda for today after they follow in my mother's footsteps?"

"To talk about the family's gifts."  He stared at the boy.  "You're very brash."

"Life doesn't last long enough to dance around things," he countered.  "And they'd go off pissed if you only told them."

"That could be but they know.  It calls out to them through the family's blood."

"No, if it did, they would've found it on their own," Xander countered.  "We're fifth cousins.  Not that much blood."  He looked at the two nearest him, one of whom was making quiet whimpering noises.  "Welcome to my world," he said bluntly.  He gave the whimpering one a slight nudge, getting attention on him.  "Want to try it," he asked.

"No."

"You'll find that they're pests," Darryl told him.  "There's many other things that could be handled instead.  Don, I know you're an officer.  You as well, Tony.  Both of you had training that will keep you alive if you have to protect someone, even this way.  We look to add to it so you know how to handle it if this comes up on your job."  He looked at Xander.  "You could use some as well."

"I know.  Tell Giles that."

"I don't know him but I'll look him up."  He smiled.  "There's much we can teach you about how to handle things, boys.  Let's go back to the house."  Xander pointed at the other one, getting a subtle shrug since everyone else was walking out to try to clear their minds.  Xander staked the other then joined him.  "There's not usually all that many here."

"I saw the cow mutilations," Xander admitted as they walked.  "Figured it had to be with the way the bites ripped."  Darryl hummed and nodded.  "Anything else that has to be handled?"

"No, I keep the town mostly clear, Xander.  How is Sunnydale?"

"Active.  Unfortunately."  He got in to drive them back to the house.  Tony was rubbing his forehead.  The messy haired one was staring out the windows.  "Just because you know doesn't mean you have to participate," he said a few blocks later.  "Plenty of people in my town know and ignore it so heavily that nothing's abnormal at all to them.  Even with a very high death rate by gangs of kids on PCP."

Tony gave him a horrified look.  "That's a stupid cover story."

"Yeah but it's not mine.  I can make up better stories."  He glanced back at them.  "Nudge him."

"I'm fine," he said.  He looked back at Don, who was still whimpering.  "Hey," he said gently, waking him from his thoughts.  "You good?"

"No!  He killed that thing!"

"Because it eats people," Xander told him.  "They can eat and kill two or three people a night."  He parked and looked at them.  Those three and the other two in the car were staring at each other.  "Like I said, even if you do know, you don't have to use it.  You don't have to react unless it's trying to get you or someone you know.  I'm not going to tell you it's easy, fun, will make you new friends, any of that.  Sometimes I will admit to stress relieving, but otherwise no.  It's the anti-friend maker really."  They all looked at him.  "But if you know, you can take precautions.  If they want this family because we're known hunters, things will come for us."

"Is that why you know?" Don asked.

"No.  I know because I jumped in to help when a friend was taken," he said honestly.  He got out of the van. "Into the house, guys.  Get a drink if you need one."  They walked in, not looking at each other.  He looked at the others.  "Just because you know doesn't mean you have to react and hunt," he told them.  "It means you can take precautions so nothing gets you and yours.  It also means you can call in people who do know faster so less people die or have to see it."

Darryl nodded.  "That is true," he agreed.  "Most of the family does hunt in one way or another but it is not an occupation for everyone."  He looked at the young boy.  He was so young.  "You obviously do hunt."

"Yes I do.  We have nightly patrols because my town's so damn dangerous.  That's why we have a slayer there."

Darryl nodded.  "I've heard things about your slayer being atypical."

Xander nodded.  "Preppy yet emo cheerleader girl?  Yeah."  He walked inside and sat down again.  The seating had shifted so he had a seat by the door.  Clearly they were worried about what he'd do.  "Guys, I only hunt the things that eat other people."  A few gave him a nervous look.  "If you don't want to hunt, we'll teach you how to protect yourself, your family, your home.  If something happens near you that makes you think it's related, you'll call one of us who will handle it," he said bluntly.  The others nodded at that.  "The very least you can do is protect your families."

"It's one less for the rest of us to handle," Darryl agreed as he came in.  He lit a new stick of incense, getting an odd look from the boy.  "There are family gifts that can help you if you get into a serious situation," he said calmly.  "A way to call in help faster.  To exchange information.  There's also a library here for those who need information."  A few looked at Xander.

"We hang out in a library with our watcher.  Got any language reading spells?"

"There's not much magic in the family.  A few aunts who can use it."

"I could use some higher reading Latin and a few other languages' skills for research."

"They're in *Latin*?" the messy haired one asked, giving him a look.

"Giles' books are."

"Why haven't they been translated?" Don asked.  "That makes no sense."

"It's supposed to be a secret," Xander said dryly.  "So no one freaks out and heads for the Scotch Express."

"Or the vodka," the messy haired one decided.  Xander smirked at that.  "Drink of choice."  He looked at the older one.  "Okay, how much do we need to know to protect ourselves?"

"There's a few good things that can help with that.  Later on I'm going to introduce you to one of the family's best secrets.  We can mostly dream-walk to talk to each other."

"I'll pass," Xander offered.

Darryl looked at him.  "You more than most need it, Xander."

"Magic goes screwy around me," he said bluntly.  "Really, really badly around me. Which is why I can read Latin but not speak it after a book lit itself on fire."

"Please don't read out loud in our library then either," Darryl said dryly.  "This isn't a spell.  It's to unlock it, not to change anything.  You already have this gift inside of you.  All I'll be doing is opening you to it so you can explore it."  He looked around then at the boy again.  "I will ask the aunts if they have anything on language learning spells."  The boy smirked at that.  "Now, are there any concerns so far?"

"You're all insane," a silent cousin said.  "How can you think that's normal!"

"Because last year, my town lost forty teenagers to them," Xander said bluntly. "This year we've only lost ten so far."  The cousins all stared at him.  "Seriously.  They can eat two, three people a night if they're in buffet mode."  He leaned on the table to look at that one.  "In my town, there's probably more of them than there are living people at the moment.  Do you want me to sit back and watch everyone else get eaten?"

"But...but, officers," she spluttered.

"Made up a nice story about gangs on PCP for it," Xander told her.

Don shook his head.  "No, I'm NYPD.  We're not trained to handle that stuff.  Shoot a running perp, not staking the undead.  Unless there's bullets that can help?" he asked Xander, then Darryl when Xander shrugged.

"You'd have to carry four different types due to the different species," Darryl told him.

"It'd be easier to carry a stake," Don complained.

"Well, it's easier if you carried a small case with stakes," Xander corrected, pulling out his own.  "My traveling kit.  If anyone asks I say it's for a pagan ritual."  He slid it down the table to him.  "One wood, one lead, one silver, one iron.  All blessed but the wood.  Oh, and if you leave the stake in, it goes poof too."

Don stared at him.  "Poof?" he asked, trying not to smile.

"Poof, tinkle, tinkle, whoosh," he said mimicking dust falling with his hands.  "Cloud of dust, dust falling, whoosh on the ground."

Don shook his head but he had to smile at that description.

"Two do leave bodies," Darryl told the young boy.

"They never come to Sunnydale."

"Good point I suppose.  They're mostly on the east coast I believe."  He shrugged.  "One's a soul sucking one that can also cause psychic harm.  The other's a regular blood drinker."

"Would a watchery sort have those books?"

"Probably."

"Then I'm sure he does."  He shrugged.  "Or can get them from another one somewhere."  The messy haired one took it to look at.  "It's not that hard to conceal.  It'll stay in most jacket pockets."

"Which is good," John agreed.  "Without looking like a weapon being carried too which is even better."  He touched each one.  "How would you get the iron one?"

"I found a piece of iron and a really sturdy file," Xander admitted.  "The steel and silver you can find online.  You might be able to find iron.  Look for one that's as unforged as possible.  Cold iron works against a lot of things according to what books I've seen."

Darryl nodded.  "It can, yes."

"Expensive?" Tony asked.

"Pure silver?  Yeah.  That's why mine's silver plated in good silver.  Took me nearly all summer at a crummy job to save up for those."

Darryl looked it over, nodding.  "It's not a bad kit, Xander.  You have two loops for vials of holy water if necessary as well.  Very nice."

"Thank you.  The pouch itself was for diabetics to carry around their insulin and things."  He took it back and zipped it up, putting it in his lap.  "That's not for patrols but as a traveling kit, it's not bad.  For patrols I carry more than one wooden stake and a big knife.  Sometimes a sword around town.  We kinda need it now and then," he said at the odd looks.  "And for really huge things, I have a battle axe I borrow," he finished with a grin.  Might as well let them think he's insane.

"Don't your local cops mind?" Don asked.  "We'd mind someone running around with a sword or a battle axe."

"Our cops are on the take, craptastic, and ignore everything upon the orders of their paychecks," Xander said bluntly.  "They don't come out at night.  They hardly come out during the day except to cover things up.  Our hospital is so crappy it's selling parts of people they couldn't save, and there's some speculation in the group that it's on purpose.  That's another thing I could *really* use.  Medic skills."

"We have books that cover that," Darryl assured him.  "A lot of us have had to use them. It's not like most ER's would appreciate bite marks that took off part of your leg."

"No, they don't tend to," Xander agreed.

Tony stared at him.  "How dangerous is this?"

"Very," Xander said bluntly.  He took off his shirt to show off his pretty new scars.  A few of them winced.  "Vampires are faster, stronger, and have teeth that they enjoy using.  Some demons are also faster.  A lot of them are slimy but we've found a few species around town that don't want to hurt people.  They're hiding from the normals."

"Sunnydale does have that reputation," Darryl agreed with a slight nod and a smile.  "Many species aren't harmful that we've seen."

"Then there's the others," Xander said bluntly.  "They like to hunt, hurt, kill, maim, eat or screw, possibly destroy.  Some like to want to end the world.  That's why there's slayers."

"What's a slayer?" Tony asked.

"A girl gifted with extra speed, healing, stamina, fighting skills, that stuff.  It's her sacred duty.  Watchers watch over them.  Watchers are British guys as far as we know."

"There are pre-slayers all over the world," Darryl told him.  "Some Watchers are local instead of British but mostly he's right.  There's one girl, one Watcher until one dies."

Xander nodded.  "They have an administrative council thingy back at home too.  Giles is our slayer's second watcher.  The first got taken out by a master vampire."

"I saw the incidence in LA last year," Darryl admitted.

Xander nodded.  "That was Buffy, yeah.  Her high school gym, all of it."  Darryl nodded at that.  "Now she's in Sunnydale.  So who knows."  He shrugged.  "There's some of us who jumped in, and the Council hates my ass thank you, but oh well."

"Many of our family have taken to being roving hunters," Darryl offered more gently.  "Some settle in an area and hunt it clear then protect it.  Xander's town will *never* be clear from what is rumored about it."

Xander shrugged.  "We're making a dent.  We've only had ten vampire deaths since the start of the school year among the students."

"Students?" Tony asked.

"Yeah.  Prime hunting age," Xander said bluntly, staring at him.  "Teenagers taste better according to some.  If they're turned, they're at that pretty age to hunt later on.  Buffy spends a few nights a week sex baiting them in the local club."

The messy haired one shuddered. "That's not a good idea."

"She can handle it.  I try now and then but I get laughed at," Xander admitted.  "Which one are you?"

"John."  He grinned. "I'm at the Air Force Academy right now."

"Coolness.  You'll probably see some overseas then."

"Maybe.  Most of the time I'm going to be on base as a pilot."  Xander nodded at that.  "What about you?  What happens when you graduate?"

"I'm looking forward to a road trip.  I decided that recently.  Other than that, I haven't made future plans yet.  Let me actually graduate first."

"If you want to go military, let me know and I'll send a good recruiter your way."

"K, I can do that."  He looked at Darryl again.  "Are we sure there's no magic?"

"No, Xander, no magic."  He stared at the boy.  "How does it go strangely around you?"

"No clue beyond reading a book's page and lighting it on fire.  Oh, and demons are really attracted to me.  The preying mantis teacher kinda proved that one.  I still haven't heard the end of that from my friends."

Darryl stared at him.  "A shape changer?" he demanded, looking disgusted.

"She was really pretty in human form.  She wanted to lay eggs."  He shrugged.  "By the way, that sort are driven off by bat noises."

"I'll mark that down," he said, watching the young one.  "Why did she pick you?"

"Purity issues," he said dryly, giving him a dirty look.

"Ah!"  He nodded.  "That makes more sense."

"Me and one other guy.  He bragged about conquests though.  Then told people he'd sue them if they said differently."

Darryl smirked.  "Yes, the bragging probably got him caught."

"I was cute," Xander said with a smirk.  "And geeky.  She took our biology teacher first."

"Shit, I'm getting laid tonight," Don muttered.  "Just in case it's been too long and they start to like me."

Tony looked at him and nodded.  "I'll meet you at the bar to troll?"

"Sure, that'll work," Don agreed.

Xander rolled his eyes.  "There's always slutty incubuses and succuba, guys.  Be careful and play safely."  He grinned.  "Wouldn't want to see you guys with nasty things that would mean no more dating."

"Yeah, us either," Don agreed.  He shifted in his seat.  He looked at Darryl.  "We won't be turning into him, right?  It's not going to warp us?"

"Not in the least," he assured him dryly.  "Xander is very unique."

"I should try that as a pickup line," Xander quipped to show that comment had stung a bit.

John cleared his throat.  "Combat changes people, guys.  It's not contagious."  He looked at the boy then at Darryl.  "What are you planning on teaching us this weekend?"

"Some warding symbols.  So you can put them up around you.  I'm going to teach you how to access the dream plane.  Then I was going to let you into the library and the armory.  It's nothing spectacular, nothing overly powerful, but it's standard equipment if you feel like you can use some of it."

"That's cool," John decided.  "This dream walking thing, how hard is it?  Meditation or otherwise?"

"We have something that can let you access it easily enough.  Most of the others meet in a few specific areas someone set up for them.  The aunts who can use magic are going to be setting you up a virtual meeting area of your own or you can join the rest of the family," he promised.  "Or you can go astral traveling to see the other planes of existences but that can be dangerous so warn us if you're going to try that.  That way we know to pull you back if you get stuck."

"That'd be cool to do after dinner," John decided, standing up.  "Let's rest and let things sink in for now?"  Darryl nodded that was fine.  He smiled at the boy.  "Relax," he said quietly as he walked past him.

The others filed out.  "That was dangerous, Xander," Darryl chided.

"No one is going to believe that it's real unless you show them," he countered.  "With the way they were behind me, I could've gotten both vampires before they got attacked.  Even if one got around me, at least two of them know hand-to-hand and could've held him off for a few seconds so I could've gotten them.  Or you."  He stood up.  "Remember, most of them are normals.  A few live in the world of science.  Their sort don't even watch horror movies usually.  There's no way they would've believed you even if you had a show and tell of magic."  He stomped off.

////

Maybe some day they'd see and understand, and then maybe they'd get some help for the apocalypses and semi apocalypses that seemed to happen all too often in Sunnydale.  A few might come if they were closer but he didn't have *their* numbers.  Yet.  These days, even Darryl didn't like to hear him call.  He had decided that he was being a drama queen too.  Which he wasn't.  How did they expect six kids to stop something that had taken an exploding volcano the last time?

But they'd have to, yet again, because it was their duty even if it wasn't a pleasure or even life prolonging.  Maybe tonight he'd sit down and work on his will once he finally went home.  That way someone he respected and liked his things.  Because they'd die if they didn't get more backup.

Cordelia walked in.  "Jocks," she told him.  He relaxed and nodded, but wasn't happy.  "It's the best we can do."

"Yeah, it is," he agreed quietly.  "Thanks, Cordy.  Get some of the geeks too and join us for the talk?"

"Definitely.  They won't listen to you."  She went to talk to others.

Maybe there was some hope left.

***

Xander limped into the ancestral home three days later and fell down in the foyer when he tripped over the foot he was dragging, looking up at the ceiling.  "We lived," he told the painting up there.  "Damned if I know how."  He let all the pain, guilt, and other bad feelings wash over him for a moment then tried to get up.  "Shit."  He tried again.  Still not going to work.  He made a whining noise.  "Why can't I have cool skills and be able to float?" he muttered.  He got to his knees and crawled to the stairs, using them to brace himself as he stood up.

"Master Xander, what are you doing?" the maid demanded.

He fell back down, wincing some.  "Trying really hard to stand back up.  Can I have a hand?"

She looked at him.  "You smell like chemicals."

"That's because we had to fight earlier today and I had no backup," he said bitterly.  "I thought the family was supposed to help each other when we ran into major problems."

"They are."

"Then this generation is fucking failures at it."  She gasped.  He managed to stand up this time.  "Two apocalypses and no help even when I asked multiple members."  He stared her down.  "Now, can I have some help up to a room and the first aid box?  I could use it."

"Why didn't you let them stitch you up?"

"Sunnydale General?  Did I need to be killed tonight too?" he snorted.  "Just get me the box.  I can do most of my own stitches anymore.  Really."  She huffed but did that once she had him in a bedroom on the bottom floor.  It was nice, had a soft bed, nice bathroom, and no stairs.  She came in to find him stripped down to his boxers and gasped.  He looked at her, then in the mirror.  "It's demon slime from where it exploded."  He went to shower it off.  "Leave it, I'll do them in a minute."

"I can find someone to help," she offered.

He looked at her.  "Yeah, I heard that before and they still didn't come so screw the family at the moment.  All my cousins."  He went to shower it off.  He was sweaty anyway from driving three hours in pain.  If he'd had a safe hiding and healing spot he wouldn't have come here at all but this was all he had until he could set up his own apartment.  He came out to find an older man in his bedroom.  "Hey," he said, staring at Darryl.  "Still think it was a spirit?"

"Ascensions are spirit things."

Xander turned on the tv to the local news, letting him see the story about the school exploding during graduation.  He pointed at a burning part of demon.  "Does that look like spirits to you?" he asked bluntly.

The older cousin gaped in horror then at him.  "What the hell was that?"

"That was Olikvan or something like that.  Who our mayor turned into during his ascension."

"No, that's not...."  Xander handed over the book from his bag.  He read it and shuddered.  "Damn it!"

"I tried multiple cousins.  I could care less if they run into problems right now.  For the second time none of them believed me and you didn't believe me either!" he finished.

"But hellmouth's...."

"Are that town there.  It was under our school library.  That's why I radiate dark magic most of the time.  Congratulate me," he finished sarcastically.  "Let me do my stitches while you go panic somewhere else please?  I'm tired and I only got done a few hours ago."

His cousin came over.  "Let me help.  You can't hope to do your own back."

"They're not that bad.  Those are from debris."  He swatted him.  "You didn't believe me then.  You still don't."

"I can still help, even if I think you're wrong."

"Then you go patrol.  It's slower in the summer."  He sat down to work on his stitches.  He was fairly used to doing his own stitches these days.  He swatted his hand again when he tried to help.

"Fine.  I'll go file this in the library."  Xander pulled out something else and tossed it at him.  "Journal?"

"Something like that."

"Thank you."  He went to file them and talk to the other cousins.  He wasn't that good with the magic stuff.   Maybe some witch had cast on him or something?  Because hellmouths weren't real.  He heard a door slam a few hours later and went to check.  The boy was gone.  This was not good.  He was clearly upset with them for not believing him but it wasn't real.  It couldn't be real.  The family's journals said so.

***

Xander looked around the place where his car had died.  Well, this was not going in his current note to Willow, he decided.  She did not need to know about demons having their own larger towns.  Complete with strip clubs since he spotted one's winking sign.  Yeah, this was not good.  Because he still radiated hellmouth energy.  He nearly laughed hysterically.  He was doomed.

The tow truck driver gave him a look.  "What?  Not to your liking?"

Xander looked at him then looked up.  "Cosmic joke?" he asked the sky.  He looked at the driver again.  "I'm from Sunnydale.  We just got done with graduation.  Do you think this is a cosmic joke too?"

The driver gave him a worried look.  "No one here'll hurt you, kid.  I know they won't."

Xander slumped then nodded.  "Is there a cheap place I can stay until I can find a decent part-time job so I can get the heap fixed?"

He shook his head.  "With where you come from, I'm going to introduce you to someone first.  It'll be safer for everyone."

"I won't hunt if they're peaceful," he said with a sigh at the end.  "Vampires are bad enough, okay?"

"I know, kid."  He walked him up the street to City Hall.  "Got a person in here with a clue.  We've had some of your town's people run here before.  They always want to know in case you brought any hellmouth taint with you."

"I was born there.  Does that count?"

"Apparently."  He walked him inside, ignoring those people watching them.  Yeah, the kid was in major trouble if the town's leaders didn't like him.  He walked into the leaders' office, smiling at his secretary.  "I just picked him up when his car's engine blew."

"He need to know where the local rooming house is?" she asked politely and a bit cheerfully.

Xander pulled out his wallet and held up his ID.  She lost all perky cheer when she read it.  "Part time job would be helpful too since I need to fix the car."

"Why...." she started, staring at him.

"Post graduation roadtrip.  See all fifty states...."

She made a whining noise.  "They're in a really bad mood today," she complained.

"I don't tend to make people cheery either," Xander admitted.  "But if they're going to kill me, at least they'll hopefully make it fast instead of having me turned, or letting something eat me?  I imagine that's got to hurt more if you're awake."

"They won't eat you, kid.  Maybe give you a lift out of town."  She buzzed someone with her intercom.  "Boss, incoming," she called.  "Go ahead."

The driver opened the door.  "His car's engine blew up.  I had no idea when I picked him up or I would've taken him the other direction.  Sorry, Leaders."  He left the boy there.  The secretary could show him the rooming house if he could stay.

Xander took a deep breath and walked in.

The three demons in there stared at him.  One sniffed delicately.  "You're injured," he said.

"It's from the graduation battle."

The other two gave him horrified looks.  "You're from Sunnydale," one said after a moment of staring.

"Yeah.  Xander Harris.  Great thing to have my car explode.  I think it's a cosmic joke."

The three nodded.  "Could be," the one who had smelled him admitted.  "Clearly you're not favored of the PTB."

"Who?"

"The Powers That Be.  They're over girls like your friend the Slayer and champions.  Those sorts."

"Oh.  Yeah, they probably hate me as much as the Council does."  He shrugged.  "It looks like I'm going to have to fix my car.  Is it okay if I get a part-time job and a room for a bit?"

They looked at each other then shrugged.  "No hunting," the sniffing one said.

"Unless they're trying to eat me or someone's screaming 'help me' I'm probably not going to have a problem with that.  I can't guarantee if I get drunk or something but that's not in my plans in the least."

The other two nodded.  "We heard you babbled nearly as good as the redhead."  He cleared his throat.  "Jobs aren't plentiful right now.  We had a large influx after Wilkins did his problem."  Xander nodded at that.  "I can tell you to start with the local strip club. It's a nice enough place and they always need kitchen help.  Maybe even a bouncer.  Though, I'd get someone to look at your injuries, young man."

"Can't afford an ER visit.  They need to be pulled so I'll do that later, once I'm alone.  Am I safe?"

"As long as we are," that one assured him.

Xander nodded.  "Thanks.  Hopefully it won't take that long to fix the car."  He walked out.  "Rooming house?  Or is there somewhere cheaper?"

"Rooming house is about as cheap as you can go.  It's seventy a week."  The boy gave a relieved sigh.  "It's nearly on my way.  Any bags?"

"In the car."

"We can pick them up on the way."

"I don't want to be a bother."  She gave him a pointed look.  "Or pull out weapons in front of peaceful sorts."

"I understand, sir.  Come on."  She walked him down to her little Honda.  It wasn't a long drive to the garage.  He got out and got the stuff out of his car.  She did wince at the obviously heavy weapons bag but that was his problem.  She knew hunters had to be paranoid.  He got one last box and got back in.  "Heirlooms?" she guessed.

"First aid box so I can pull stitches later.  The higher guys I talked to said I needed to look them over anyway."

She nodded, taking him to the rooming house.  She even helped him check in by telling the nice older demon who ran it who he was.  She gave him a special rate of sixty a week if he'd help with the demonic plant out back that wouldn't die when she tried.  Xander killed it easily enough and they went up to his room.  The nice matron got him some washclothes when she saw him without a shirt.  Then she left him alone.  He had paid for two weeks.

Xander sat down to work on his stitches.  Then take a nap.  He'd do the job hunting in the morning.  Damn his life sucked sometimes.  He finished cleaning his body up and laid down on the pretty white sheets with little blue and pink flowers, relaxing himself down into a meditative nap.  And soon he was on the dream plane with a fussing John.  He cleared his throat.  "Bad?"

"Very bad.  I'm being sent to Afghanistan."

Xander gave him a hug.  "It's cool.  You'll make it and you'll protect people."

"I know."  He looked him over.  "You look like shit," he said bluntly.

Xander smirked.  "I haven't logged in since right before graduation."

"No you haven't.  Why is that?"

"Because I called Tony and Don for backup and didn't get any.  So I just led my first battle with teenagers for backup."

John stared at him for a minute.  "I know you told me about being possessed that time by a soldier."  Xander nodded.  "Did he have command experience?"

"We didn't have anyone who did, John."

"I see.  Why didn't you call me?"

"You had tests."

"I could've gotten a few days off for that."

"And probably been killed," Xander said bluntly.  "We had to redo the plans.  Giles' plans forgot the spectators."

John considered that information.  "So who made the plans?"  Xander waved a hand with a grimace.  He pulled him into a hug.  "You did what you had to do," he soothed.  The boy clearly needed it.   Xander sniffled but didn't let it go.  He pulled back to look at him.  "How many?"

"Seventeen."

"Anyone a civy that got hurt?"

"No.  That's why I lost seventeen.  Some got injured slightly because the oh so wonderful mayor pulled in people to harass those leaving the graduation.  Since it was an eclipse...."

"Crap."

"Yup."  He shrugged but didn't try to get free.  Hugging was nice.  "Did you get to see the news on the gas explosion?"

"That was ... oh, damn, Xander."

"It had to happen.  He was about a hundred feet long and a giant demon worm."

"So it killed him and it was necessary but still.  You blew up your school."

"Yeah, I had that moment of elation," he admitted.

John gave him another hug.  "It's okay.  You did good.  You did the best you could."  He made the boy look at him.  "You did everything you could, right?"  Xander nodded.  "Then you did the best you could and no one's going to blame you."

"Everyone's already forgotten.  Even the people who were there."

"I won't.  You won't.  Your friends won't."  That got a snort.  "Still?  I thought their bitchiness would've been solved when they figured out you had saved them."

"They never got told."  He shrugged.  "I'm good though.  Thank you."

"Not a problem."  He stared at him.  "You'll be writing me all the time, kiddo.  I mean it.  Tony too."

"Tony was too busy to help when I asked him for some backup.  Don decided I was a drama queen.  Again.  Darryl decided I was delusional because it wasn't mentioned in the books."

"Don's getting my foot up his ass."  He ruffled his hair with a grin.  "I'll be just as good and as lucky as you were, Xander."

"I'd worry about you but right now my car's kinda broken down.  Apparently you sucked all my luck up when you got the special letter."

John smirked. "Maybe."  He patted him on the cheek.  "Be safer on the rest of your roadtrip?"

"I'll try.  You too.  They do shoot at pilots you know."

"I know.  I'll do what I can."  He winked.  "Go nap.  You clearly need a nap.  And some bandaids."

"I just pulled the stitches, John.  Relax.  It's been two weeks."  He winked and strolled back to his head.  He felt better after talking to John.  John was a lot like him in many ways.  And hey, he could yell at the others.  Xander flipped onto his side, drifting into a true sleep.

John looked around then started to pull people into a conference.  "Why didn't anyone else tell me that Xander was going into a real battle without backup?  No support other than a bunch of kids!"

"He didn't sound that panicked," Don defended.

"That gas explosion on the news?  That was his graduation," John told him.  "After a battle.  It's what killed the demon, Don."

"He said something about an ascension but everything I know about those is a ghost thing," Tony said.  "I asked a few who I know knew about that stuff and they said the same thing.  That the team out there should be able to handle it."

"He handled the last one with the Acathla or whatever," Don said.

"You mean Buffy's boyfriend trying to send the world to hell, him having to lie to her so she could do her job, and then her running away?" John countered.  Don slumped.  "There's some things a team can do that a military unit would do better.  I'm thinking a *battle* would be one of them."

"You were busy," Darryl pointed out.

"I would've taken time off!" he shouted back.  "Xander's possession is good but mine's real experience, including planning strategies!"

"He did fine," Darryl said calmly.  "I saw him later that night and he was upset but he's calmed down."

"Now he's grieving for the seventeen people he had to put in death's way to let other's escape," John told him.  "That's not calmed down.  That's kicking your own ass because you had to let them die to save others."  Darryl and Tony both flinched at that.  "I don't give a damn if I'm in the middle of a battle myself.  At the very least *some* of us would've been there."

"I tried.  Gibbs said I couldn't come, we had a case," Tony sighed.  "We were in the middle of a national forest searching for a Marine that got himself killed out there."

"I had my own homicides," Don admitted.

John stared at them.  Then he shook his head.  "Fine, then make sure *I* know."  They nodded, backing off from that.  "Also, you can make sure I know in Afghanistan.  Even if I have to ask for leave and hurry back somehow I will."  He went back to his own body.  His roommate was probably wondering why he was mumbling in his sleep again but oh well.  He could count it as a funny dream brought on by dinner.

Don looked at Tony.  "I didn't think it'd be that bad."

"Me either."

"Xander wasn't happy when I helped him with his stitches," Darryl admitted.  "He did most of them himself and didn't want help from anyone."

"I'd be mad too," Don admitted.  He went back to his body, thinking about that.  He had failed majorly that time.  He really had to start hearing news other than from a CSI's lips on a case.

Tony went back to his own body, going to sulk to a movie.  He had to find some way to get Gibbs in the know so he could help handle major situations.  Not that he thought there'd be another one that bad but you never knew.  He had to make some plans ahead of time for the next possible one.

***

Xander walked up to a desk in DC.  "Long time no see."  It had been nearly a year since he had seen Tony.  He had quit dream walking to talk to the others since they didn't seem to like him.  He didn't need to put up with more people like that in his life.  He had more than enough complaining, whiny, bitchy, people who thought he was a roach to put up with it from family that he barely knew.

"Xander?  What are you doing here?" he asked quietly, glancing around.  "Every time you show up around me things go badly."

"Well, I'm not going to make you happy today either.  If I give the name, service type, and rank of some people can you please investigate them and their little torture program out where I am?"

"Huh?" he demanded.  "There's not...."  Xander held up the list.  He took it to look at.  "Some Marines, a lot of Army guys."  He turned the page and wanted to get sick.  "What's that?"

"What we found when we had to go rescue a friend," he said bluntly.  "Those are the pictures of him when we rescued him."

Tony looked at his cousin.  "Why are you pissed at me?"

"Because I asked for backup the last time I needed it and you never came through.  Right now, if you guys don't help me do something about this mess, I'm going to say fuck the family and leave it."  He stared him down.

"You're not making any sense.  The last I heard from you was last spring."

"You didn't hear about the convenient gas explosion during my graduation?"  Tony nodded his head.  Xander turned his monitor around and took his keyboard to type in something, getting the story.  He pointed at it.  "My grad.  Which I asked for help because of," he said quietly.

"You said...."  John had said a battle but ....

Xander got into another site, showing him the video someone had taken of their kid's graduation.  Tony did get sick at that.  He stared at him.  "Now we've got some of your kind trying their hand at apocalypses.  Do you think, maybe, we can get just a tiny bit of help?"  He heard someone coming.  Tony was still getting sick.  "Never mind.  It was stupid to even hope.  We'll solve it like we always have."

"No, wait," he said between heaves.  "Boss?"

"What?"  He looked at the kid.  "Who're you?"

"Unfortunately one of his distant cousins.  I came to see if he'd like to do something about the idiots torturing people in my hometown who're some of yours and some are army.  Apparently it was a wasted trip."

"The military doesn't...."  Xander held up the pictures.  The guy turned green.

"Our friend we had to rescue from them.  Yes, they do.  They seem to enjoy it a hell of a lot when they go around tazing victims, chaining them up, experimenting on them, implanting control chips in some, and then trying to end the world with their newest creation.  I was hoping my cousin would like to investigate since that's what you guys supposedly do.  If not, me and my friends will make sure they're stopped one way or another.  Wouldn't be the first time."

"Let me have some of the names, I'll look into the project, see if it's sanctioned."

"It's called the Initiative."  He held up a DVD.  "One friend's a hacker."

He took it to run on his own machine, letting Xander watch him.  "This is disgusting."

Xander looked then at him.  "We know.  I have him on my couch some nights.  He's got a nifty control chip in his head now."  He flipped ahead to something else, watching him go green again and sip his coffee.  "That's their current toy."  He looked at him.  "Would you guys like to stop them or would you like us to stop them?  Because if we stop them, you might be getting some back in pieces if we have to."  He stared him down.

"Can it be stopped?"

"Please do.  You guys started it with Doctor Walsh.  She got dead from her own toy that she made from parts; now it's got a general in direct oversight."

He looked up the program's information.  It was classified well beyond his means.  The kid typed in a passcode.  "That hacker?"

"Yup."

Gibbs read it over, nodding slowly.  "This isn't real."

"Yet they're doing it."

"No, it says it was a pipedream and they never started it."

Xander pointed.  "That's the guy who's doing oversight.  I have a list of most of their extraction team members and some of the scientists."  It got taken and he looked them up.  "Missing in action?"

"Secret project, Homeland Security," he read.  He looked at the kid.  "How massive?"

"Few hundred people at the most.  Underground base.  Some pretending to be frat boys."

"I see."  He looked up the next one.  That one said the same thing.  So did a scientist he looked up.  He looked at him.  "We'll look into it."

"If you can't act, we need to know.  They're doing dangerous shit in my town for fun and trying to end the world by ruling it."

"If I can."

"If not, let me know."  He walked out, not even looking at his cousin.

"Boss, you can't...."

"You can't photoshop pictures like that," he said bluntly.  "Why is he mad at you?"

"Last year he asked for some backup and none of us believed him."  He had convinced himself that it couldn't have been as bad as Xander and John had said it was after the fact.  Something like a battle on US soil would've been in the news, right?

"So this is your second chance?"

"No, I think this is our last chance. I heard he asked for help the year before but none of us believed him then.  The thing that happened last year resulted in a poorly done coverup of a gas explosion inside a school with carnage outside the school at the graduation ceremony.  With a lot of cutting injuries."  Gibbs came over to look.  He showed him the news article.  The other film he didn't want to think about.  At all.  "He asked and I didn't believe him," he said quietly.

"I wouldn't have either.  Who does things like that?  It's not like terrorists or gangs to attack graduations."

"No, I think the explosion was to stop the attack," he admitted.  Gibbs stared him down.  He let him see that other film.  "It's not been altered that I can see."

"That's...  not real."

"It is."

"It can't be.  It's a giant snake."

He enlarged the photo.  "Still think it's not real?" he asked when one kid got cut and fell down bleeding to death before the worm ate him.  He stared at him.  "That's my cousin.  I'm stupid apparently."

"You couldn't have believed...."

"I could have.  I didn't.  He asked for some backup; I could've went and didn't because of that Marine in the forest.  He has every right to be pissed at us."  He shut them both down.  "Can I have some of that to help with?"

"Please."  He went back to his seat.  His computer now was shutting itself down.  "Someone knows he was here."

"Yay."  He came to get the list.  "Let me talk to Abby, boss."  He got to miss people in dark suits coming off the elevator but they did catch up to him in the lab.  He stared one down.  "Get out of my way."

"Agent DiNozzo, we need that information you have."

"I don't care what you need."

"Sir, it's a matter of national security.  You can comply or be sent to jail for helping terrorists."

"Who?  The unit that's torturing people?  I guarantee you won't stop the people stopping them from their fun and games."

"Sir, you can't be involved in this."

"Really?  Because my cousin's not out there?"

"If he is, he's in deep trouble, sir.  He's not supposed to step into federal matters."

"It's his town.  He's supposed to be there.  You're not."

"We're everywhere."

"Clearly."  He handed it over.  "Choke on it and die, boys."

"Come with us, sir?"

"No.  Arrest me."  He stared them down.  One pulled out cuffs.  So he zapped them both, making them fall down.  He loved his mini tazer.  "I don't think you need that," he said bluntly, taking the information back.  He handed it to the watching, horrified, young woman.  "Find them, help me find a way to stop them."

"Done deal," she agreed.  "Tell me what's going on?"

"Nope.  Should be evident."  He walked over them, going to help her.  The director came in.  "Butt out," he told her.

"You're interfering...."

"With people in the military who believe torture is good science, yes I am.  Before my cousin, who they've already gotten a friend of, has to help take them down."  He stared her down.  "Get over it.  They're military, that's our jurisdiction, Director."

"Agent DiNozzo, you're suspended."

"That's fine, I'll be with my cousin then."  He handed her his badge and gun.  "I'm quite sure I can help."

"You're treading on Homeland security, boy," the agent with her said.

"I don't want Homeland to be torturing young people to see how they're put together either."  He pulled up a picture that he recognized as being from his cousin.  He had sent it to Abby.  He let it run.  "My military doesn't do that.  Neither does my government.  Any solider doing that is going against the laws and regs.  If you don't like it, fuck yourself," he said bluntly, to the director.  She gasped and backed away.  He looked at the other agent.  "Anything else you and your happy little team want before I go to see him for a vacation?"

"Sir, we can't allow you to go," he said bluntly.  "If we have to, we'll take you into custody."

"No, you won't.  And you can't keep me.  Even if you put me in Gitmo and keep me from contacting the outside world, I can still help him.  See, I'm not the average stupid agent."  He zapped him too.  Then he glared at the director.  "You want that to keep going on?"

"The president himself...."

"Is apparently sucking the wrong dick," Abby said bluntly.  "They're torturing people!"

"It's not our call...."

"If they're soldiers, it is our call," Tony shouted overtop of her.  She glared at him.  "We are to stop soldiers doing stupid shit that's against the law.  Welcome to the worst they can do.  Because I'm not going to let our military turn into Nazi's.  If you are, move."

"We're still under orders from the president himself to stop this investigation."

"What do I care?  You suspended me," Tony said bluntly.  "You have no right to say a thing about what I do when I'm suspended or on vacation unless it goes against US laws.  If you want to charge me, you go right ahead.  I'm sure I can find the people who're helping stop this to help me with my defense as well."

"You're not suspended, therefore the order does apply to you," she said smugly.

"You can't do that," he reminded her.  "If you suspend me, it has to go to a hearing board.  That's the NCIS rule."  He smirked at her.  "Now, go away."

"She's not...."

"Then I'll quit if you let them keep doing this and that will shut down this lab for months while you try to hire someone efficient to do this job."

"There's other forensic techs."

"They specialize," she said smugly.  "I didn't."  The director stomped off.  She got back to work as fast as she could, handing him two DVDs she burned down.  "There, go."

He walked off after patting her on the arm.  "Boss, the director suspended me," he said as he walked past his desk, grabbing two things around the agent going through it.  "Sorry, I doubt you need to talk to any of the women I've slept with since I'm not with them anymore."  He walked off.  "I'll be back sometime."

"DiNozzo, don't do anything stupid."

"I won't, boss.  Stupid is them.  Not me."  He got onto the elevator and went down to his car.  It was booted, but hey, it was DC.  There's cabs and he could hotwire Gibbs' car if he had to.  He called Xander back.  "Okay, I'm coming.  What can I do to help since the president is apparently thinking it's Germany in the forties?  Yeah, he's trying.  Oh well."  He got into the car once it was hotwired and took off for the airport.  "I'm coming.  Even if the do try to arrest me.  Might, yeah.  No, I'll talk to them."

He hung up and called the one that usually complained Xander was a drama queen.  "You know, we should probably listen to Xander more since the last time he asked for backup it ended up with an assault during his graduation to kill all the people attending it by his town's mayor."  He listened to the spluttering.  "No, agents are trying to cover up for a military op out there that's torturing people and things for fun and to make new super soldiers.  That's what I said.  Because he even brought film," he said bluntly.  "And pictures of the friend that they took.  Heading now if at all possible.  You?"  He smirked.

"Yeah, we might.  From what I heard, last time was the last straw.  Because we missed two bad things we should've stepped in on.  I think maybe we should step in this time or else."  His phone beeped.  "Huh, I had a full battery," he said, turning it back on and calling another one.  "Call Don.  Xander's got serious troubles.  Yeah, I heard about that.  What did he say afterward when we all screwed up by not listening?"  He listened to the rant.  "Well, we did screw up.  Yes, it is.  Even Abby knows that, Darryl.  So yeah, we screwed up."  He hung up.  It'd spread around to the other cousins that way.  No mere agent was going to stop this family.

***

On a base in the deep south of the world, a phone rang.  "I'm still out of the US," he said in greeting.  "Excuse me?" he demanded.  "Yeah, I can do that, but I might get into trouble.  Who's blocking it?"  He got up and went to the base's control room.  "I've got to look up a project that's trying to have two of my cousins arrested for stopping them from torturing others," he told the base's CO when he found him in there.  "They've suspended one who was an agent because he was looking into it."

"How bad is it?" he asked calmly.

"Let me look it up."  He moved to the system and looked up the website Xander had sent things to.  He looked at the tapes.  "How did he get this?"  He nodded once and got into another file.  "Aw, shit," he said, hanging up.  "Sir."  He let the CO see it.  "That's tape that was downloaded from their security cameras.  I do have to admit the first one I looked at was ours, because his friend was curious about me being her friend's cousin, but she hacked their program to have information for the cousin that's an agent at NCIS."

"They're Army."

"Not all, sir.  That's a Marine," he said with a point.  "And that's a victim of torture they're walking back bloody and cut up."  The CO shook, going through the other things.  He sent it to his boss.  Who sent back a swearing email.  So he sent it to the head base's CO.  That was one unhappy general.  "Is there any way for me to get back there to help him?" he asked quietly.

"None that I know.  Who tried to block the agent from helping him?"

"Homeland.  He said the president liked that project."

"Damn it."  He sent that to his boss as well.  The boss sent back a growl but said he'd handle it.

"No, I think my cousins will handle it," John told him.  "But I'm not real sure how many people will survive."

"Your cousin, does he do things like us?"

"No, sir.  Nothing like us."

"Why?"

"Because his town's like that."  He got into another file and let him see.  "If I had been *anywhere* near the US I would've been there for that.  He did call for help and got told he was overreacting from what I got told in my letter from him."

The CO stared at it then sent it to his boss as well.  That one, his boss wanted to know more about.  He sent back what he knew.

John smirked.  "My cousin's nice, calm usually, kind of joking now and then, likes construction from his letters.  He just has to do this stuff."

"How many times has he called in help?"

"He's tried twice and no one listened to him.  This would be the third."

"I see.  Do you think they might like to join us?"

"No.  I think they'd screw up worse than I did and my cousin is hyperactive.  He'd drive any drill sergeant nuts, sir.  Worse than I did."

"Why?"

"Because ...."  He got into another journal site, showing him what was actually going on out there.  "That's my cousin as well," he said with a point at the boy.

The CO stared at the fight, could've been a battle with a few more people on each side.   "He's not trained," he decided.

"Nope, and the girls around him are his best friends but they don't seem to like him too much."

He rewatched it.  "How close are you?  If we can recruit him, I can almost guarantee him a spot as long as he's not homicidal."

"Not as far as I know and we're not.  We've talked a few times, but we're not close.  Actually, we're so distant of cousins, we're almost out of the incest range."  His CO gave him an odd look.  "One of the aunts suggested a few times."

"Oh."  He sent that to his boss, who sent back a happier note that time.

"He's one of the few defenders out there, sir.  I doubt it'd happen until the blonde one died."

"He's how old?"

"Twenty-one this upcoming month if I remember right."

"He'll have a few years to decide."

"I'll suggest but don't hold your breath, sir."

"That's fine.  We could use people who shrug off strange things."  He shut that down.  "That one project will be canceled.  Even if the highest boss has to go out there to help."

"From what I heard, he could've used them last year.  He asked and the cousin that's an agent basically laughed it off."  He went back to where cellphones worked, calling his cousin back.  He got an agent so he called someone else.  "Tony was captured by the agents in Homeland who want the Nazi-era project going on in Xander's town to keep going.  Yeah, it's that bad.  Because it's our thing since some of them aren't real human," he hissed.

"Beyond that, we shouldn't stand up for torture of any being.  Yes, that thing.  No, he went to Tony.  Well, gee, Don.  If I had been able, I would've went to back him up last year."  He looked at his phone then put it back against his ear.  He smirked.  "Yeah, we screwed it up.  Badly.  Because I don't think Xander will trust any of us anymore.  He might come if we need it, but I'm doubting we'll hear from him again.  Even if the world does end.  I do stranger things than he does."  He listened to the current excuse.  "Then look it up!" he shouted.

"I'm quite sure it is since one of the people down here came from it.  Yay you."  He hung up.  "Now I know why he hates the rest of the family," he decided.  He also decided to find the guy he knew came from Xander's hometown.  "Hey," he said, finding him in the mess.  "Call your family if they're in your hometown and tell them to take a good, long vacation.  Something bad's going down," he said next to his ear.  "It's going to get bad out there soon."

The guy stared at him.  "I was there last year."

"I'm Harris's cousin."  The guy shuddered.  "This year, there's a Homeland and military joint project using torture on the people."

"I can tell my mom to go visit my aunt," he decided.  "Did he warn you?"

"He called another cousin to help him stop the project.  Homeland is stepping in to keep it going.  So they might have to solve it their way."

"Uh-huh."  He went to call someone at home.  No answer wasn't a good sign but he did get his mother on her cellphone.  "Mom, it's Dave.  You should go see your aunt.  Mom, things like graduation are going on and there's agents involved this time.  Go see Aunt Marge?"  He smiled.  "Thanks, Mom."  He hung up and went to get something to settle his stomach.  He found the guy in his room.  "He need help again?"

"He's trying to round up some higher help but idiots are stepping in the way.  If not, they might have it.  I'm not real sure.  I know if we could get up there, I'd offer you the seat next to mine."

"It'd take three days to get up there," he agreed, frowning some.  "Thanks for letting me know."

"Not an issue.  I don't want anyone to have to go through what they went through last year."  He laid down, considering his cousin.  He called him back.  "It's John.  Tony may be in Homeland Security custody for trying to help but I did talk to the others and my boss.  I know I'm military but we're not like that.  My boss did say if it was solved to see if you wanted to join us.  I know you've got to be there.  Thanks, kiddo.  Yeah, if I could.  It'll take me three days though."  He smiled.  "Wish I could've been there last year.  I know.  They're asses sometimes.  Every family has at least one."  He laughed.  "Ours more than most, yeah.  You sure you're good?  Good."  He hung up and laid back down.  He couldn't do a thing to help it but he could link in with the other cousins to see if they could.  Dream walking was a family skill.

***

Xander came out of the mess six days later, looking around at the daylight.  He watched the girls walk off and stared inside then back at them.  "Buffy, the prisoners?" he asked.

She stared back at him.  "Release them."  He nodded, going to do that with Riley's help.  She went to destress and calm herself down.  "Movie night, my place?" she asked Willow.

"Sure," she agreed quietly.  "Xander?"

"I'll text him."  She did that and they headed off together.  It was worse than last year in a lot of ways.  She hated this duty.

Xander came out, looking at the men stomping his way.  The demons flowed out, running away from the new agents.  "Thanks for supporting the project that was going to kill us all," he sneered.  "Good job protecting the US."  He walked around them.  More demons came out, some more injured.  "Healer's are probably open," he called.  "If not, I'll stop by the clinic myself."  Some were being carried out.  He went to Buffy's to relax and destress.  Things were still wrong and odd between them but he wasn't sure how to solve it.  He wasn't sure if it could be solved now.  He called Tony.  "Did they let you free after we had solved it?"  He smirked.  "Of course they did.  You can thank them for supporting a project that nearly ended the world too."  He hung up.  At least they had tried to help.

Well, Tony and John had tried to help.  The others....  He wasn't talking to ever again.  They didn't want to help him, so be it.

The End.

Chapter 2: Closing Arguments

(Thanks to Spurio for the name)  The next big apocalypse starts, as they always do. Yet, life goes on and changes the people being forced through it.

Xander looked up from his staring at Buffy's grave, finding someone standing there.  "Are we in a dream?"

"No, we just got back in contact," John said quietly.  "I've spent the last three days with military commanders crawling up my butt for us having to solve things the best way we could."

"I have girls who do that to me," he said quietly.  "Why are you here?"

"I came to check on you.  The last few times I couldn't reach you, Xander."  He moved around the end of the grave.  "What happened?"  Xander shrugged.  He made the boy look at him, holding onto his arms.  "What finally got her?"

"A hell god."

"You didn't call anyone?"

"They don't seem to give a damn, so no."   He grimaced but let it clear up.  "Want a beer?"

"I could use a beer.  The last year has been hell."   He walked Xander off, not talking.  He pointed at someone.  "Isn't that your friend, Willow?"

"Yeah."  He waved her off, getting a glare.  So he sent one back.  "I have no idea what her problem is today."  She stomped over.  "This is one of my distant cousins, John.  He wanted to have a beer.  He just got back stateside."

"He's military."

"He's not Riley or his bunch, Willow.  He's a pilot."

"Oh."  She still glared at him but less.  "Why are you here?"

"Because I hadn't heard from him recently.  I heard from him every month but the last few months for the last six years.  Including all the stuff that you go through monthly out here."

"That's how they knew," she sneered at Xander.

"No, Riley told the hearing panel that they started due to the Judge incident.  Not the weapons borrowing but firing it off in a mall at a demon."  She went pale.  "John doesn't talk, Willow.  He never has and he served his unit honorably.  He's not one of them."  He walked off again, John following.  "I'm sorry."

"It's fine.  With what happened last year, I wouldn't like us either.  I would've stopped it from the inside if I had been made part of it."

"That's because you have ethics," Xander pointed out.

"Battles can change that but I generally do."

"Don't remind me.  Please?"

"I won't."  He patted him on the back.  "How's the girlfriend?"

"Her back got injured during the last battle but she's mostly fine.  She'll be good within a few days.  I popped the question."

"Good for you."  He smiled.  "If she's good to you I'll try to be here for it."

They walked another block in silence.  "Have you ever gotten to the point where you've seen one too many deaths and are going to make sure no one else you know is going to die one way or another?" he asked finally.

"Twice now.  I have a good team that got there in time before I had to start any plans I could devise."  He looked at his cousin.  "I wish you had one of those."

"Me too."  He pointed.  "Human bar or demon bar?"

"Demon for all I care as long as we don't get jumped.  We could both use less combat."

"Yeah."  They went into the human bar.  It was dark, scummy, and no one came near them.  Two guys saluted John with their beers and another bought him a round but he only smiled and saluted back.  He watched Xander down his first few and decided he could be the mostly sober, good boy today.  He waited until Xander felt like talking, tapping the back of his hand.  "What's wrong?"

"Everything."

"Beyond everything, what's wrong?"

Xander finished that beer, staring into the empty glass then looked up at his cousin.  "It's like things haven't changed from before that one problem you called about."  John nodded at that.  "But everything's changed."

"You don't have to stay," he pointed out gently.  "I could sure as hell use you on my project, Xander."

"No, I need to be here.  Not like Willow can hunt.  It's me and Spike hunting.  We both make crap Buffy's.  We're doing better as big brothers to Buffy's little sister."

"She has a sister?"

"Yup, longer story there.  Since her mom and now her sister are dead, it's up to the rest of us."  He took another drink.  Then he looked at his cousin.  "What happens if we have major problems now?" he asked quietly.

"The last one you called in help for proved to a few others that you weren't kidding," John said.  "Tony definitely."

"Tony's not really great in the middle of the sort of fights we have around here."

"No, not really from what you've said," John agreed.  He took his own drink and thought about it.  "If you guys could get me back and forth, you know I'd come."

"I can't even hear you during meetings anymore."

"Good point."  He grimaced.  "That does suck.  Oh, we do have email."  He slid over a folded piece of paper.  "That's mine and I work with people who make your sarcastic streak look like a kindergartner's on a playground."

"Oooh.  Is he cute?"

"In his own mind."

"Never mind."  He took another drink, shrugging at the look he got.  "I can still look, even if she wouldn't agree."

Some clues clicked in his head.  He hadn't been sure before....  "Is this the same girlfriend that you took the prom?"

"Yup, she came back like the kitty cat I fed," he said with a wicked smirk.

"Uh-huh."

"And I keep the kitty cat very happy in some ways.  The rest, she complains about to everyone."

"I get to meet her, right?"

"You drive her off, I get to come to your project and date," Xander joked.

"There's plenty of the sort that you seem to draw, Xander."  Xander snickered.  John took another sip while Xander drained his beer.  "What else is going on?"

"It's just...horribly normal around here," he admitted.  He heard the bad sound outside and groaned, putting down money for the tab.  He pointed for the waitress' benefit, getting a nod, and he walked out.  John followed.  "No offense, but I doubt you can do very much, John."

"You'd be surprised."

"No, not really."  He staked the vampire running toward him, ducking around a victim that was trying to flee.  He moved in to get the next one.  "I still suck at this!" he decided.

"It's because you've had a few."

"No, he can't fight," a vampire told him from beside him.

John shot him in the head.  Xander tossed back a stake for him to use, making him grin.  "Thanks, cousin.  You know, you're not bad."  He staked the next few too.  One more got shot and it was bleeding.  "Um...."

Xander looked at him.  "No, you need steel, don't you?"  It smirked and nodded, opening its mouth wider.  "Fuck."  He pulled out his pocket knife and stabbed it in the stomach, making it howl.  "Go away.  Before I have to get more mean.  Anya's still in the hospital."  The rest of them fled.  Xander growled.

John walked slowly up behind his younger cousin, just as slowly holding him until he quit growling.  "Calm down," he said in his ear.  "It's all good, Xander.  I'm here for right now.  We'll handle what we can."  Xander looked back at him.  "I promise, we will."

Xander nodded.  "How long are you in for?  I could use some sleep."

"Six days but I can ask for another week or so.  If I need to.  My CO will understand an emergency when I send film."

"No, you're doing important things.  You need to do that wherever you are."  He got free and gave him a weak smile.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  Haven't heard you growl in a while."  He nodded in a direction and Xander pointed, walking him back to his place.  "So things are that bad nightly?"

"I should finish my patrol," he groaned.

"Xander, missing three graves isn't going to make a huge difference at the moment," John said, sounding practical.  "Get some sleep, then we can do a daylight hunt.  You guys have daylight until around eight at night right now.  That means you can go to work too," he suggested when Xander started to shake his head.

"Maybe," he admitted.  "I have to pick Anya up tomorrow so I'm off anyway."

"So we'll do a daylight hunt then pick her up, have lunch, and do whatever."

Xander nodded.  "Sounds like a plan."

"Good.  Now let's get you down on a soft surface to nap in."  He grinned.  "I'll even tell you a bedtime story if I have to."

"Nah, those always turn out bad.  Did I tell you about Hansel and Gretel demons?"

"Yup, I heard about that.  That one witch still a rat?"

"Yup."

"Too bad.  Maybe someday soon."

"It's not high on her priority list right now," Xander admitted.  He let them into his apartment.  "It's messy and tiny but it's home."

"I've lived in barracks, I can stand a messy apartment."  He saw Xander stomp on something.  "Bugs?"

"No, demons."  He picked it up to toss it out the window, then shut the window and took of his shirt.

John stared at all the scars.  "Xander, the last time I saw you in person, you were eighteen.  You only had a quarter of those," he said, letting the boy stare at him.  "Are things that bad?  Even when she was here?"

Xander sighed as he flopped onto the couch.  "A good few came from graduation and the Initiative thing."  John sat next to him, letting him lean against his arm.  "The rest, yeah."

John put an arm around his shoulder.  "If you ever want to leave, you call me and I'll recruit you in a heartbeat," he said quietly.

"Thanks, but I think Captain Corncob Up His Ass blacked out my records so I can't be."

"We can get around that."  He smirked.  "We do pretty cool things and have just as much danger as you do."

"Yay.  Many bad girls?"

"Many too many bad girls."  He smirked.  "You'd have fun."

"Yeah, maybe.  Maybe soon," he admitted, yawning.

"You rest.  I'm here and I'll make sure nothing gets you tonight."  Xander nodded, letting the beers in his blood do their job so he could finally sleep, hopefully without nightmares.  John kept watch over his cousin, making mental notes.  Yeah, something had to be done.

***

John reported to his overlording general when he got back.  "Can I have some advice?"

"About?" he asked, looking at him.

"My cousin."

"Your cousin's a nutball," Jack said bluntly, putting down his pen.  "He has to be to put himself into that situation."

"He was born there.  He got sucked in barely into his tenth grade year."  His general winced.  "And it's now worse."

"How can it be worse than that graduation?" he demanded quietly.

"The blonde one died, sir."

"Hell.  Sit."  John sat.  "He want recruited?"

"He thinks that wonderful little program they had to stop put a block on his records."

"He'd be right.  I can get around that if I need to."  He watched the younger guy.  He could see a lot of his own traits in the colonel.  "What else is going on?"

John looked at him.  "He's basically one of four adults out there, he's helping raise the blonde's little sister since her mother died just before she did, they just got done fighting a hell goddess, literally, and he's got more scars than anyone I've seen outside of the guy I know who went through a plate glass window when he was a kid.  Half of them look to be under a year old."  The general winced.  "There's bad signs from the rest of the town that things are only going to get worse."

"We've got the reserve base out there alerted in case they have to step in to help."

"That's some help."  He sighed, rubbing his face with his hands.  Then he looked at the older man again.  "I'd love nothing more than to take him away from that town.  It's not good for him.  He's settling for a young woman that wants sex, money, and complains loudly about other things."

"I've met women like that."

"So have I but she's worse.  Much worse.  She complained that he hadn't shown up in the hospital to give her sex.  Though she called it orgasms."  The general shook his head with a small moan.  "That the stay was going to cost them money that they couldn't afford.  She'd have to give up sex toy or bra shopping."

"She sounds like a winner," he said sarcastically.

"I think he cares for her but he's settling because she's there, she's seen how bad his life can get, and she's slightly in the business herself, sir.  I don't know what to do to help him."

He looked at the young guy for a moment.  "All you can do is offer non-judgmental advice.  If you get too preachy he'll ignore you."  John nodded at that.  "If you offer good, solid, caring advice, he might listen."

"I did.  I also spent most of the time making sure he got *some* sleep."

"That's good of you."

"I told him I'd talk to you about recruiting him if he wanted.  He said he had to stay."

"Sometimes duty is all that we have," the general agreed.  "It motivates us more than anything else."

"Yeah, but I'm seeing even worse portents of the future hellish problems.  His friend Willow?  They were complaining that she was getting addicted to her skills."

"You can do that?"

"I'm assuming it's like any power you have, sir."

"Good point I suppose."  He considered it then nodded.  "Have him keep in touch."

"We are.  You don't know anyone who used to work here who might want to move, do you?"

"Not right off the top of my head, but I'll suggest it to a few I trust not to screw things up worse."  He smirked at the younger guy.  "That could help."

"I'd hope so."  He shrugged. "I want to help but I don't know what I can do to help beyond advising him."

"Unless you want to leave and move there?"

John shook his head.  "No.  I love Atlantis, freaky problems and all."  He stood up.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  We all have family problems, Sheppard.  Sometimes it's got to be more important than even a duty is though."

"I know.  But he'll let me know and I'll do what I can to help.  If another thing like that one battle happens...?"

"You apply for leave time and head."

"Thank you, sir."  He went back to rejoin his teammates waiting on transport back to their base.  His boss and teammate both gave him long stares.  "My cousin's having some problems I'd dearly love to solve with a lot of C-4," he said bluntly.  "And watch him giggle while it burns."

"Relationship issues?" Elizabeth Weir asked.

"No.  Not totally.  No, his whole town needs to be sunk.  Someone needed to do it a few years ago actually."  He walked past them.  "Let me get something to eat.  Are we going home now?"

"Twenty-two hundred," she called after him.

"I'll be there."  He did think about sending Xander the name of some of the guys who used to work in the Stargate project.  O'Neill seemed pretty cool.  He had handled weird things for years before having to retire.  Maybe he could be a good mentor for his cousin?  Demons couldn't be any stranger than aliens, right?

***

Willow stopped her scrying spell, staring at Xander.  Who she had forced to watch.  "See, he's trying to do the same thing Walsh was."

"By giving us some potential backup?" he asked.  "I'd like it if we have another battle the size of graduation, Willow.  Plus his project handles things that're stranger than we are."  She glared, huffing and stomping a foot at him.  "I don't adore him not liking Anya and me but she wasn't exactly at her best right out of the hospital.  I'm sure she'll grow on him too."

"He's in the military!  He's doing bad things!"

"He's not doing bad things.  I know what he's doing and it's not evil.  There's no experimenting on people.  There's no eating people.  There's no creating super soldiers.  There's no demons.  If you actually looked up his project, you'd see they're doing the same thing we are, basically, and by the same method, whatever works does.  He's not bad.  He's not the one who got the Initiative sent here.  That was us having to hit the Judge in the mall.  Mall security tapes got leaked to the police department and someone there leaked them higher up so the Mayor could try to get us in trouble and out of his way."  She stomped off.  "That's what their own people said," he called after her.

"They lied!" she shouted, slamming a door.

"I doubt it," he called after her.  "Unless they all lied the same story since each one said the same thing."  He cleaned up her mess, finding Tara watching from a doorway.  "Not my fault."

"I know," she agreed quietly.  "Is he a good man?"

"John's a very good man.  If he had been able to get here, he would've helped us with all of it."

She nodded.  "You trust him with all this?"

"He does stuff that's just as weird."

She gave him a slight smile.  "She's worried another one will come."

"Then we'll talk to the same people who tried to stop them last time but Homeland Security got in their way."  She nodded, walking off to calm her down.  "I'm taking Dawn to the mall.  Let her fume, Tara.  She'll calm down eventually."  He went to find Dawn at the house, taking her with him.  She didn't need exposed to Willow's issues.

Tara found Willow trying to do a spell but it wasn't working.  She walked in and stopped her.  "You are not in vengeance," she said bluntly.  "That is not the light way."  She stared her girlfriend down.

"They're going to start another one."

"They can't do that.  Too many people know."  She sat across from her.  "You can't hurt him, Willow.   If you do, others can pay for that."  Willow slumped, shaking her head.  "He does important work.  If you looked him up, you might see that.  Instead you're trying to do what Anya would."

"I'm not anything like her!" she complained.  Tara simply stared at her.  "I'm not," she pouted.

"Then you wouldn't be trying to hurt him for being a good friend and cousin to your best friend.  Plenty of people are military and not like Riley."  She stood up.  "Clean up and come help me.  Xander took Dawn to the mall."  She grumbled but did that.  Tara made sure all the spell components and books were locked up.  Willow had a bad habit of reaching for magic when she wanted to do bad things.  It was a trend that had to stop.  Before worse things happened.

***

It was a year before Xander decided he had to contact his family again.  A few letters with John, and a few more emails, weren't exactly staying in contact.  A year later, Xander was panting and in pain.  He was heaving blood and bile.  He was miserable and alone.  Buffy was taking care of Dawn since she was back and had been hurt by Willow.  Tara was dead.  Giles was in British 'oh dear' land.  And he was in deep shit.  He called Tony, gasping into the phone.  "Know anyone who can demagic me for a bit?" he hissed.  He dry heaved.  "No, not the flu.  Willow," he moaned.  He passed out, letting the phone drop.

***

Tony looked at his phone.  "Xander?"  He listened.  "He's passed out and sick, boss.  I've got to go."

"DiNozzo," he started.

Tony stared at him.  "He passed out while asking for help, boss.  I *have* to go."  He gathered his things.  "Fire me if you want."  He walked off, heading right to the airport.  It was a long trip and he hoped like hell someone would find him before he got there.  He called all the numbers he had out in Sunnydale, not finding anyone answering.  "That's charming," he sneered.  "Really great friends."

He tried Xander back, getting him.  "Hey, I'm coming.  What happened?"  He got the short and dirty version, making him hiss and wince.  He finally made it to the airport security screening gate, pulling out his ID.  They pointed at him to move to the hand-wanding line.  They took his firearm to box up for the trip and let him through once he was done.  "I'm coming, Xander.  Is anyone closer?  No, I doubt John is," he admitted.  "Isn't Darryl closer?  I know but right now you can't be too picky."  Xander hung up on him so he went down his list of contacts.  He found one who might be able to help, stepping into the bathroom to talk more privately.

"It's Tony DiNozzo," he said quietly.  "My cousin Xander needs some extreme help."  He listened.  "We all felt something the other day?  That stuff was his best friend losing it.  She got him by the same means.  He's blacking out.  Sunnydale.  I'm in DC and flying out in about an hour.  Anyone closer to there who might be able to help?"  He relaxed and smiled.

"That could, yeah.  Thank you.  I'll be there by tonight.  Thanks, Bobby."  He hung up and called Xander back, not getting an answer.  "I've got someone I know and trust sending someone to help you with that.  Just hold on until I get there, okay?  I'll be there by midnight, Xander."  He hung up and went to board.

This was not fun.  He hated emergencies.  Xander never came with simple ones.

***

Xander blinked at the pounding on his door.  "Who is it?" he croaked hoarsely.  "Aw, fuck it, break the door in," he called, letting his head thump back down.  A man he didn't know walked in and kicked the door shut, putting down something.  "Killing me?"

"What happened, kid?  I got told to come help you because a witch got you pretty badly.  I'm a hunter the same as you are."

"She was lost in her grief and magic addiction," he said quietly.  "I was stopping her.  She tried to stop me."

The older guy stared at him.  "Is she dead?"

"Heading to a higher coven," he gasped, then winced and rolled onto his side to start heaving again.  "Seven magical hits," he moaned between heaves.

"Damn it."  He came over to help the kid to the bathroom, stripping his shirt off him.  He could see impact marks, they were glowing in the dim light he had in there.  "That's not good."

"Feels worse.  I feel like a toddler Potter," he moaned.  "Was even green."

"I'm hoping you're wrong about what it was."

Xander looked at him.  "It was black magic.  She sucked some up first."

The older hunter just nodded.  "Someone should handle her."

Xander shook his head.  "We need her, it was grief."

"If you say so."  He kept his opinion to himself.  Someone else pounded on the door.  "Relatives?"

"Dawnie," he said.

He went to look at her.  "Miss, I'm helping the young man with the damage he took."  He saw her cast and sighed mentally.  "Did the same woman hurt you?"

"Yes she did.  No one's come to check on him."  She tried to get past him.   "Move.  Xander's like my big brother."

"I'm going to have to do things to weed that out of him," he told her.

"I have some magic that I don't use," she said simply, pushing him out of her way.  She walked into the bathroom.  "Damn it, why didn't we check on you."  He let out a bitter snort.  "Yeah, I know.  Shower?"  He shook his head, heaving again.  "Hmm."

"We need to leach the magic out of him."

She looked at him.  "I'm not a bad cook.  Do we have a potion?"

"I do," he admitted.  "But I should have enough.  I really don't have time to teach you this."

She snickered.  "My sister's a slayer."  He winced at that.  "Yeah, I'm helping."  She came in to wet a washcloth so she could wipe off his face.  "That's only six bruises.  Did she hit the same place twice?"  He nodded, pointing at his right side, right about where his liver was.  "That explains why you're puking that way."  She helped him into a coolish shower.  Then she looked at John.  "I'm helping you how?"

"That's a good first start," he admitted.  "I need a containment circle drawn."

"Picture?"  He pulled out his journal and opened it for her.  She got the top sheet off the bed and settled in to draw on it with a permanent marker.  He smirked.  She wasn't half bad.  He pulled the kid out when he started to look a bit less pukey, taking him out to lay him down in the center of the circle.  He took another marker to do the other half and it was quickly done.  Then he let her rub the potion onto the bruised areas for him.  She could fuss that way.  The rite was simple, something like an exorcism for magic.  He watched as she started to glow too.  "Back away from the circle, girl."

"My name's Dawn," she told him, but she did back up.  She quit glowing.  She wasn't used to what he was doing but she'd do whatever she had to do to help Xander.  Her phone rang and she went into the kitchen to answer it.  "I'm helping the guy helping Xander weed out the magic she hit him with," she said in greeting.  "It's not pretty.  She may have bruised his liver or something.  No, he's doing it.  I'm helping.  You stay there."  She hung up and came back.  "My sister."

"Hopefully we won't have any demons show up."

"She might send Spike or his ex, Anyanka," she offered.  "He's a vampire.  She's in vengeance."

He gave her the oddest look.  "Huh?"

"They help the local team.  Same as he does."

The hunter shook his head quickly.  "That's just...wrong on so many levels."  He went back to it, finally making the boy heave and let the magic go.  "It usually takes less time."

"He keeps possessions too," she admitted.  He gave her another strange look.  "He does.  Twice now."

He groaned.  "We'll make sure he's all right."  Someone pounded on the door.  "Which one is that?"

"Spike."  He walked in.  "We're working on it, don't go near the sheet."

"What are we doing?"

"Weeding the magic out of him," the hunter said bluntly.  "I got a call from a friend of his cousin who asked for my help."

"Who're you?" he demanded.

"John Winchester, a hunter."  He smirked.  "I'm told you're *helping*?"

"Leave him alone," Dawn said tiredly.  "He's my favorite babysitter."  He gave her a horrified look this time.  "Someone's got to watch me while they're on patrol."  She shrugged.  "We're wacky like that.  Will we need the ER?  Because ours is horrible around here.  Or do we need more weeding out since he's floating?"

John looked and got back to it.  This was worse than that old show _the Addams Family_.  A young blonde woman walked in and slammed the door.  "Stay back."

"What are we doing?" she demanded.

"Weeding the bad magic she hit him with out of him," Dawn told her.  "See, bruises.  Making him puke blood," she said with a point.  "Bad things, Buffy."

"Very bad things.  Who's he?"

"A hunter who got asked to help him," Spike said, watching him.  "Heard of him.  He's some big, badass hunter in the other sort."

John smirked.  "I'm always happy to hear that I have a scary reputation but can you wait to spread it more?  It's distracting me."  He went over the rite again.

"Oh, here," Dawn said, getting frustrated and taking it from him.  She chanted it and the power came easier to her.  Much easier than it did to him.  She had to keep herself from absorbing any of it but it did flow out of Xander faster when she did it.  She felt something off and looked at him.  "I feel a wall-like thing but it's still got bad magic."

"He did live here all his life," Buffy pointed out.  "Hellmouth taint, Dawnie?"

"No, it's not the hellmouth.  We all carry that, this is different."  He took over and the wall thing broke but less magic came out this time.  He was glowing now, but it looked more healthy.  "Huh."

John looked at her.  "It's probably a family gift."

"Not unless it's related to alcohol," Spike said dryly.  "That's the only gift his family has."

"Except he has some really cool cousins," Dawn told him.  She looked at John.  "He has a few of them and one older one that has some sort of house down in Revelatto or something like that."  John stiffened and nodded.  "We know them?"

"Some mutual contacts.  They have a few hunters in their family," he told her.  "That would explain that family gift."  The boy groaned, then started to heave again.  Spike grimaced but pulled him out of the circle and into the bathroom before he made a mess on the floor.  He looked at her.  "Do we know any of them outside of the one who called my friend?"

"I know an email address but he said that most of his cousins didn't believe it was that bad out here.  Something about him asking for help and them calling him a drama queen."

"Find me his phone or wherever he keeps the main address and number?"  She went right to it and brought it back.  He called it from his phone, moving into the kitchen for privacy.  "This is John Winchester.  I'm here in Sunnydale helping one Xander Harris after a witch got him with some black magic for stopping her grief-induced suicide attempt," he said quietly.  "I've been trying.  We've weeded it down to the family gifts.  No, a friend got called by a Tony DiNozzo, and he called me since I was nearby and could handle it."  He listened.

"He's in pretty bad shape," he admitted.  "It does look like she may have done some organ damage.  Two of seven hits went to his liver."  He listened.  "Exactly.  I have but I can't be sure since he's still getting sick.  Not like I use magic.  All I have here is a friend's sister who is a light witch."  He nodded.  "Please do.  He's on his way out.  Thank you.  His place."  He hung up and walked out there, ignoring the blatantly eavesdropping people.  "One of his older cousins is calling an older witch who hunts to come help," he told Dawn.  "His cousin will be here about midnight probably since he said he's in DC."

"Will he need an ER?" Buffy asked.  "Ours kinda sucks badly."

"It's possible.  I'm not real sure.  Magic is not my forte," he said.

She nodded.  "I understand.  Thank you for helping him."

"I can stay until someone more qualified gets here.  I will say that it's a good thing we started as soon as we could.  Or else he'd need a morgue," he said bluntly, staring at her.

She nodded.  "I should've checked sooner," she agreed quietly.  "Things have been insane.  She's part of our team out here."

"I understand how it is when friends go off the deep end."  They stared at each other for a moment.  "Do you need some help hunting for a few days until you can focus again?"

"I might," she admitted.  Xander's phone rang.  "Dawnie?"

She took it from John's hand.  "Hello?"  She smiled.  "You're his cousin John, right?"  She smirked.  "I'm Dawn.  No, he's majorly sick.   Black magic poisoning from someone shooting it at him."  She heard a beep.  "Speaker?"  She snickered.  "Even better.  His place.  Tony, whoever that cousin is, is coming out.  We have a hunter here to help.  Sure, I'm sure he'd like to see you.  He said you're a cool cousin.  We're here.  Call his phone, I'll have it."  She hung up.

"Isn't that the one Willow was grumpy about because he's military?" Buffy asked.

"Yup, but he does weird stuff too."

"Bad weird stuff?"

"Nope.  Not according to Xander."

"Good."  She smiled.  "How soon and can I help you get to the motel?"

"I can find it," he assured her.  "It'll be fine, Miss Summers.  People have come back from being worse injured than this."  She nodded, relaxing some.  "For right now, we need to make sure no magic goes on around him."  Buffy looked at her sister.  "I'm sure she wouldn't in front of me."

"Nope, not even a healing spell because I'd have to read straight from the book," Dawn assured him.  "And they're all locked up anyway."

"You will not go down Willow's path," Buffy ordered.

"Not my thing anyway," she pointed out.  "I don't go to a magic dealer.  No one ever broke up with me because of me overusing it.  I never did memory spells, changed my clothes and hair, or even moved furniture with it."

"I know, just setting a limit."

"Fine, whatever," Dawn assured her.

Spike came out of the bathroom.  "Not really the time for that, nibblet," he complained.

John coughed.  "I need to make sure," he told Buffy.  "She has been made safe?"

"The coven in Devon has her," she assured him.  "They're higher witches.  It was grief.  She backslid when her girlfriend was killed while standing next to her."

John nodded.  "I've seen alcoholics do the same sort of slipping under pressure," he told her.  "But they will either strip her magic totally or make her safe?"

"They're the ones the Watchers Council goes to," Buffy told him.

"Not that I trust them," Spike said dryly.  "They'll make her bleed her magic if nothing else," Spike said.

"I have to make sure for the safety of others," John pointed out.  "Someone that dangerous could destroy cities."

"She tried to destroy the world this time," Dawn said.  "I don't think a single city is any problem."  Buffy swatted her.  "She did!"

"Still not the time."  She stared at John.  "She'll be safe or they won't let her come back."

"Good.  Then I won't nag."  She relaxed and let out a small smile at that.  "Now, let's go over the problem areas while he rests?"  She nodded, sitting him down with the map Xander had on a wall.  Dawn and Spike put Xander to bed for now.  At least until someone could help him better.

***

John hung up and threw his phone at the wall.  The people in the meeting with him gave him a lot of dirty looks.  "I have to leave, General O'Neill."  The general gave him another dirty look.  "Someone tried to kill my cousin Xander."

"That nutjob one?"  He nodded.  "How bad?"

"They're calling in outside reinforcements.  I just talked to his friend's sister.  They were saying there's possible organ damage from what happened."  He had done some research into black magic and the possible consequences when his cousin had said that his friend Willow was addicted.  "Permission to go there?"

"Granted.  Let me know if you need more than three days."  John nodded and left.  He sighed.  "That cousin of his has the worst luck sometimes.  His town's worse than some of our bases are."

Doctor Weir coughed.  "That bad, sir?"

"Yes, that bad.  I'd tell you more but it was sanitized and classified higher than we are, Doctor Weir."  He looked at her.  "We have been trying to recruit that cousin however."

"Is he a scientist of some sort?"

"No.  He's very good at what he does.  He'd remind you a lot of your military head, only younger."  He smirked.  "I'm hoping the boy pulls through."  He went back to his notes.  "I see we have two irregularities?"

She sighed and nodded.  "Yes, sir, we do."

***

John ran into Tony outside Xander's apartment.  "C'mon, I have keys," John told him, leading the way up there.  He knocked then let himself in, making Buffy and John jump.  "Hey, I'm his cousin John Sheppard.  This is his other cousin, Tony DiNozzo.  Is he here or in a hospital?"

"Here," Buffy said with a point.  "He's slightly better.  He kept down water and quit puking blood."

"That's good," Tony said, walking that way.  He smiled when the young woman next to him jumped up.  "Easy, I'm his Cousin Tony, this is his Cousin John."

"Hi, I'm Dawn," she told them, smiling at John.  "We talked."

"We did.  Thank you for that update when you called.  Is he going to be all right?"

"No clue," she admitted.  "You'd have to ask whoever John Winchester called up for help.  She came in, did something funky, went to the motel and said she'd be back tomorrow.  That's why he quit puking."  She got out of their way.

"Don't try a healing spell," Winchester warned from the doorway.  "The witch Darryl called up said not to."

"We're not skilled that way anyway," Tony said with an easy grin.  "Should he be in a hospital?"

"The local one would kill him," John said bluntly, looking at his cousin.

"They do it a lot," Buffy agreed.

"How do they get away with that?" Tony asked.

"It's Sunnydale," Dawn said with a shrug.  "The whole town's one big hunting preserve for deadly things."

"Which is why I wanted to use C-4 the last time I showed up," John quipped dryly.

Winchester nodded.  "I can see doing that."

"There's still the hellmouth under the high school they're rebuilding," Buffy said, looking at him.  "They'd come back and haunt the rubble until they could uncover it."

"Our whole family was taught hellmouths were myths," Tony told her.

Winchester shook his head.  "Our circle thinks that mostly too but they're not.  Those of us who know about them know not to show up on them.  That's why so few hunters go to Cleveland and none show up here."

Buffy looked at him.  "Cleveland?"  John Winchester nodded.  "Wow.  Didn't know that."  She looked at Dawn.  "Let's let them fuss.  We can come back to help the witch tomorrow."

"Go on patrol, Buffy.  I'll stay with him," Dawn told her.  Buffy stared at her.  "I won't get in their way but I doubt they want to get him into the shower and things.  Not like I'll perv if I have to."

"We can handle him," John Sheppard assured her.  "I'd never let anything hurt Xander.  If I had any way, I would've been here for graduation, the Initiative battles, and Glory's crap."  Dawn flinched at that.  "Unfortunately I was too far away."

"It's good he's got people who like him like that," Buffy said.  "Dawnie?"

She stared at John.  "I have his phone.  You will be calling if he's going to get worse?"

John nodded.  "I can do that."  She smiled.  "He told me you were like his own little sister."  He glanced at Buffy then back at her.  "I was here after," he said more quietly.

"I remember kinda.  He didn't let you hang out then."  She patted him on the arm.  "Don't make me find Willow's spell to turn you into a Colonel rat."  She left with her sister.

"She's one strong girl," Tony decided.

Winchester nodded.  "She's got some power too.  She helped with the draining ritual."

"Even better," John agreed.  He looked at the hunter and smirked.  "Some of us know more about her than you do.  Xander told me."  Tony gave him a pointed look.  "Longer than average story and did he call you about Glory?"

"He called to ask about the possibility of getting someone moved so the freaky, Gucci wearing hell goddess couldn't get her."

"That her was Dawn."

"Oh!"  He nodded once.  "He said she's been taken a few times."

"Now and then," John agreed.  He checked Xander over.  "We should probably get him into a bath.  He's starting to spike a fever."  John Winchester went to run it for them.  "Thank you."

"I've had some medic training and you don't let a hunter go down this way."

Tony smirked at John.  "I've got to call Gibbs."

"Tell him it'll be a few days if you can."  He called his own team.  "McKay, John.  It's as bad as we thought.  He's still unconscious.  We're waiting to hear if it's going to be a long healing session or not.  Right now, he's running a fever.  I can't take him to the ER, McKay, they have a fifty percent or so death rate there."  He gasped and said something.  "Carson would have so many fits, we'd get popcorn and be able to kick back and watch him rant if he was here.  I know he doesn't rant but he would about this town's hospital.  Anyway, we've got someone with some medic training coming and someone to help handle the problem tomorrow.  I'll let you know after we talk to her."  He hung up and picked Xander up.  "You've lost weight, Xander," he complained as he carried him that way.

Tony finally got through. "Gibbs, me.  Still unconscious, we're worried about liver damage and other organs maybe failing at the moment.  We've got a specialist coming to help tomorrow.  No, not the ER or local hospital.  Because they suck worse than any unit hospital we've *ever* seen killing patients on purpose," he said bluntly.  "Have Abby look up Sunnydale General's records, boss.  They're so unpretty even the director would scream at it.  Bathing him to get down his fever right now.  I'll know sometime tomorrow."  He hung up when he heard the thrashing, going to help.  "What did we do?"

"I blessed the water so it's holy water," John told him.

"With black magic, won't that cause more problems?" John Sheppard asked.

"No.  It could help weed it out more.  Bobby said so and I trust him.  He's our best research person."

"Okay, I'll trust that," John decided.  He and Tony moved to bathe the poor guy.  His fever was coming down but it was a harsh way of doing it.  "Tell me Willow's in captivity?" he asked finally, looking at the hunter.

"They said a higher coven has her.  They'll keep her if she's dangerous and if not, they'll help her."

"What happened?" Tony asked.  "I got the barest info when I called.  Willow hit him with black magic to stop him from stopping her pull up a temple?"

Winchester sighed, leaning against the wall.  "I got the full story from Dawn earlier.  Willow has a magic addiction.  She was dabbling with black magic on top of it."  They both nodded slowly.  "Her girlfriend got her cleaned up from it.  Mostly.  Then her girlfriend got shot right after they got back together."

"That's going to send anyone over the edge, especially an addict," John Sheppard agreed.

"Which she did.  She sucked black magic, killed her former dealer to get his stores.  Broke Dawn's arm and shoved her and Buffy into a grave together.  Xander apparently went to stop her from pulling up some temple that was to some demon goddess or someone like that who could destroy the earth."  Tony shivered.  "She hit him seven times trying to make him go away.  He got her down and crying.  The coven took over.  Then he came home to collapse.  They were all dealing with their things and didn't check on him last night.  Today he was still feeling the effects and called in help I guess."

"Yeah, he called me asking if I knew anyone who could demagic him," Tony admitted, looking at the boy.  "So she's captive and being helped in her grief?"

"From what they said.  I made sure in case they needed her hunted before she hurt someone else.  Buffy was certain it was handled."

"Good," John Sheppard decided.  "Because I wouldn't hesitate to kill her for this."  Tony gave him a worried look.  "Xander and I talk all the time, Tony.  I've seen some info on the black magic addiction.  I met Willow, who was trying to convince him I'm bad because I'm military and going to restart the Initiative stuff because I know."

Tony shook his head.  "Can't happen.  The guys over it are in jail for treason."

"Huh?" Winchester asked.

"Crackpot military project to breed or somehow make better soldiers," Tony said bluntly.  "Who tortured a lot.  Xander came to me for help getting them stopped but Homeland stepped in to stop me from helping."

"I was in the southern hemisphere at the time," John admitted.  "I did talk to someone on our project who was from here so he could get his family out of the way."

"That's a coincidence," Winchester said.

"No, our project draws and requires people who can be mentally flexible now and then.  Fortunately, the soldiers who were left of the Initiative are now hunting demons for the UN, mostly in South America."

Winchester groaned.  "I heard a rumor about them."

"Yeah," Sheppard said, giving him a look.  "More than a rumor."

"I'll let that be known in case it comes into the open," he decided, stepping into the kitchen to call Bobby and update him.  The boys could take care of their cousin well enough.

John and Tony shared a look then shrugged and got back to helping Xander.  Tony did call some of the members of the family he liked and trusted to let them know.  Including that hellmouths were real and there was one here.  He could get them information on it from Xander's books if he had any; if not the watcher out here probably had some.  He came back to help get Xander back into boxer shorts and into bed.  He needed rest to heal.

***

Sheppard walked back on base a week later, saluting both generals waiting on him.  "Sirs."

"At ease, kid," O'Neill said.  "How's your nutjob cousin?"

"Better.  The physical damage was healed."  That got a nod and a small smirk.

"From liver damage?" General Landry asked.  "In a week?  Do they have something like a healing device perhaps?"

"No, but they have ways of speeding it up, sir.  He's down to aching and able to keep down food again.  Once the original cause was solved, the damage was able to be fixed faster than average."  He looked at O'Neill again.  "He had a strange thing happen though."

"Coming from his town that doesn't surprise me."

"Visions don't surprise you?" he asked.

"Not really from that town.  Speaking of, do you know where the rest of those soldiers went?  I tried to check to make sure they weren't here."

"UN hunting squads, sir."

"Charming," he said sarcastically.

"Yup, and a few are in Homeland Security."  He smirked.  "Captain Finn is related to the project though.  His new wife, according to Buffy, has a grandfather named George Hammond."

"Oh, shit," he muttered, shaking his head.  "He'll freak."

"I think he knows.  She said that his wife was injured and he had to call him to make him aware of that fact, General."  He smirked.  "She was of the opinion that the butt chewing lasted for a good, long time."

"Was the general aware of what he used to do?"

"What are you two talking about?" Landry demanded.

"A sealed, classified, sanitized project," O'Neill told him.  "That NID was helping."  Landry shuddered.

"That was to breed or make better soldiers, sir.  It included neat things like torture."  He looked at O'Neill.  "I'm sure General Hammond was more than able to get his point across, sir."

"He did with us plenty of times."  He walked him off.  "How is he really?" he asked quietly.

"Angry, confused, sore, aching, and not real happy with the universe in general at the moment.  By the way, something bigger's coming but he's not sure what.  That was the vision he had.  Something about 'from beneath you it devours'."

"Interesting.  I'll keep an eye on the town for you, kid.  Make sure they don't get sucked into something bigger again."

"Thank you, General."

"How are they doing now that they're down their main hunters?"

"Part of her problem was that she returned the blonde to her duties."

Jack O'Neill stopped him to look at him.  "No technology?"

"No.  She's never needed it and that's what she was addicted to.  What she shot into my cousin when he tried to stop her from ending the world.  She was a bit upset when her girlfriend was killed next to her."

"I felt something the day before that call...." he said, letting it trail off.

"What she was doing."

"Damn it," he muttered.

"And she's convinced herself that we're going to bring the next incarnation of that problem project to life.  No matter how many times my cousin has told her we're not."

"She sounds a bit unstable," Landry said.

"She's grieving and recovering from an addiction to the same power that she shot into my cousin, sir.  She's been in the bad life for a long time helping protect that town.   My cousin, a few of his teammates, I'd trust at my back if I was handling things.  Her, I'd have to judge it on how she was recovering at the moment."  He looked at the other general.  "He thinks, based on that one vision, that things are going to get worse, sir.  Much worse."

"I'll keep an eye on it for you," he promised.  John smiled and nodded his thanks.  "Now, can you get McKay off my base before I punt him through a space gate?"

"I can see what's bothering him," he offered.  "There's been times I wanted to punt him myself, sir."  He walked off, finding Rodney fussing over everything in a lab.  "It's not yours, quit that."

Rodney spun, staring at him.  "You're back already?"

"My cousin will be fine.  Others are watching over him again.  His town's still hellish."  O'Neill snickered at that.  He handed over a USB key.  "That belongs to Agent DiNozzo, NCIS DC, sir.  He's another cousin.  He was getting that information for the family."  He looked at Rodney.  "You done?  I can head back.  He's good enough to be on his own again."

"You're going to abandon him?"

"He's got a fussy teenage girl who's like his little sister there, her bigger sister to complain, his ex girlfriend or an enemy turned helper to nag him, and the group's adoptive father.  They're already nagging enough that he went back to work early to get away from them."

Rodney stared at him.  "You're still worried."

"That's because I know what they do there.  Anyone sane would worry about what they do there."

"I certainly do," O'Neill said, moving to a computer to read the file on there.  "If they lose, we've got people in LA at the moment."

Sheppard grinned.  "So's one of their former team, sir.  He's at the Hyperion."

"Good to know."  He went back to reading then stared at him.  "Can I show this to Jackson?"

"Go for it.  Their research nerds might like to hear some of that.  Our family ones definitely would."

"Good."  He removed the small USB keychain device and walked down to the linguists area.

Sheppard looked at McKay.  "Are we done?"

"Nearly," he admitted, getting back to what he had been fussing over.

John sat down to watch him.  "We can go whenever you're done."

"You could go eat," McKay complained a few minutes later.

"Fine."  He went to get them both something to eat.  He knew his friend needed it.  He had been getting lost in the lab again.

***

Buffy woke up panting from the very bad slayer dream she had just had.  She pushed her hair back, looking around her room.  She had to let others know.  This wasn't the first but some of the potentials had escaped.  The one she had seen had.  She found her phone and the numbers she had taken down from Xander's phone.  She called it, getting a message to call another number for problems.  She wrote that down and called it.

"Hi, you don't know me but I worked with John Winchester once to help one of my team.  I'm Buffy Summers."  The guy on the other side said his father had told him about her.  "We've got a bad sitch going on.  Something's taking out girls like I am.  All over the world but some are here in the US and running this way to safety.  There's guys without eyes, wearing robe thingies killing them and their watchers.  I have no idea how to kill them, none of the girls have been able to.  Please.  If you run into them, I need them here to protect them.  Because he said that you guys ran on a lot of contacts," she said bluntly when he asked how he could help.  "Please?"  He said he could pass that on.

"Thank you.  I have no idea why yet so if you hear, please let me know?" she asked quietly, hanging up and calling the next one she had gotten off Xander.  "Tony DiNozzo?"  She smiled.  "Buffy Summers.  Head's up.  Something huge is happening, taking out girls like I am all over the world.  Some managed to get away.  They may be heading this way along with the guys who watch them.  Exactly.  Please do.  Thank you."

She hung up and called the other one, getting a voicemail box.  She decided to email him instead.  Xander had said he was working in some secret location in the middle of nowhere.  Then she went to talk to Giles.  "Hey," she said as she walked into the Magic Box.  "The last slayer dream I had showed one got away."  He stared at her.  So did everyone else of the group.  "We need them to come here to protect them."

"I'll call around."

"I called the guys who came to help Xander after Willow hurt him," she said quietly.  "What are the guys without eyes?"

"I haven't found them yet," he admitted.  She nodded, going to the kitchen to get something to drink while he called the Council.  "Patricia, Rupert Giles.  Buffy's been having slayer dreams about potentials being taken out with their watchers by beings wearing robes or cassocks and no eyes."  He listened.  "Yes, I do believe it should be noted.  She's seen at least three potentials dying.  She said she saw one get away.  Send whoever you have our way.  She said she can protect them.  I didn't ask how she knew," he admitted when she asked.  "She was sure though.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "They'll figure it out."

Xander was looking at his phone then called a number.  "Don, Xander.  Shut up and listen for a second.  There's girls like Buffy being killed all over the world by something evil.  We're not sure what.  Some are making it past them and running.  Make sure they get to us out here please.  We can protect them.  Because you're in New York and have one of the biggest incoming immigration points."

"I called your cousin Tony," Buffy said as she came back out.  "Plus that Winchester guy's sons.  His phone said to call them."

Xander smiled and repeated that.  "Let it spread.  Thank you."  He looked at her.  "He's in New York City."

"That's a major place for people coming into the US," she agreed.  "I know Kendra said she crawled into the storage space on a plane to get up here."  She took a sip of her soda.  "We'll have to see but I hate seeing the dreams and being able to do nothing to warn them."

"That's why they have Watchers," Giles reminded her gently.  "Because we can talk to each other fairly quickly."  She nodded, relaxing at that.  "Go make sure the town isn't going to be a problem.  We don't want them to die of vampires when they've managed to get past whatever."  She left with Xander to do that.  He and Willow went back to the research.  There had to be something on them.  The fax machine in the corner started to spit out papers so he went to look at it, gaping in awe.  "Someone among the hunters may have found it."

Willow took it to read over, dialing Buffy.  "We think we have it.  It's bad.  It's a huge bad.  Huger than Glory, Buffy."  She hung up and moved to research that topic.  Now that they had a place to look it was better.

Buffy came in to get that information, taking it to read as she walked off.  "Damn it," she said.

Xander looked at her, carefully taking the papers.  He read them over then nodded.  "Let me call some of the more distant cousins."  She gave him an odd look.  "A few of the cousins can dream walk and pull us all into it, even if we're asleep."  He jogged off to his place, sealing himself in so he could sit down and get into the right mindset.  "Hey, cousins?" he called once he was on the dream plane.  He felt a blank spot where John was but that was normal.  He wasn't anywhere nearby.  "Yo, we need to have a meeting!" he bellowed into the other's spots of holding.  More of them showed up.  "Guys, major sitch in Sunnydale and the world going on.  Tony, those girls being killed are potential slayers and their watchers."

"Got that part."

"By the First Evil's minions, called Bringers."

"Aw, shit," one of the cousins said, glaring at him.  "Who got resurrected?"

"Buffy.  Willow did it last year."  He looked at him.  "We had no idea, guys, but she's getting prophetic dreams showing her some of them are going down quickly.  We need the remaining ones *here* because we think we can protect them."

"The Seal of the First is supposed to be inside a hellmouth," one of the older cousins said more quietly and calmly.

"Really?" Xander asked.  "We just got told what it was today.  Can you send us that info?"

"I can.  To Rupert at the store?"  Xander nodded.  "Have you seen any?"

"No, none in town.  I'm guessing they're taking out the weaker, future links and then coming for Buffy and Faith last.  Speaking of, Tony.  Faith's in prison by LA."

"I can find her in the system and warn someone that way."

"Warn Angel and them.  I gave you their number.  Cordelia's gone to a higher calling now but they're still there."  He nodded once.  He looked at the others.  "We need to hear any sightings and get any of the survivors to us."  He felt something going on and winced.  "Something's happening somewhere to John."  He looked at his blank spot.  "That's probably not a good thing.  I'll write him later since he can't help where he is," he decided, looking at the others.  "We're still figuring out how bad this is, guys.  Please?"

"You did say fuck the family that once," his cousin Darryl said dryly.

"Yeah, right after you guys let us handle an ascension without backup.  That meant that I had to get some of the school kids to form a line so we could get civies out of the way," he said bluntly.  "After we lost seventeen of them and I had to command my first real battle...."

"Calm down," Don ordered.  He glared at Darryl.  "He did try to call in help and we ignored it because we didn't believe his town was that bad.  Or that hellmouths were real."

"They can't be!" one said heatedly.

"It can be.  It's under the school my construction crew just rebuilt," Xander said dryly.  "Under the library same as always."  He looked at Tony.  "You and Don are on hot incoming spots.  Kendra, who was before Faith, snuck onto a plane."

"I've got some people in immigration who know," Don told him.  "They can spread it around."

"Thank you."  He looked at the others.  "Herd anyone in your area to Sunnydale.  Buffy says she can protect them."  John showed up.  "Wow, ET.  Long way to phone home."

"I think I'm unconscious again," he admitted, rubbing his aching head.  "How are you feeling?"

"My side's fine."  He grinned.  "The doc doing the bloodwork said that it's working at normal levels again.  Thank you and Tony for helping me through that."

"Not an issue," Tony assured him.  "We'd hate to see you die of liver failure due to black magic poisoning from her going off the deep end."

"She's better now."

Tony nodded.  "Hopefully she doesn't slide again."  Xander nodded at that.  "Okay, let's break this up.  Do what we can.  I have the feeling this is going to be hugely bad."  They all faded out.  Tony blinked as he woke up, looking at Ducky.  "I didn't pass out, right?"

"No," he said quietly.  "What happened?"

"Family conference," he admitted just as quietly.  "We need to warn some people.  Ducky, do you know any Watchers?"

He stared for a moment then nodded.  "I have met two or three and their girls in my travel.  Why is this relevant?"

"Because something's taking them and their girls out all over the world."

"I'll try to find the ones I know," he said.  He stepped back.  "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm better after my nap.  Gibbs call?"

"McGee did.  You scared the life out of him."

"I hope I never have to have another sudden conference nap again," he said dryly.  "But it was too important."

"Indeed."  He went to check on his former acquaintances.  Two were already gone it seemed.  Another was able to be reached.  He did warn him of what he had heard.  He also called a friend at Immigration to warn them.  They knew of some of the strangest things.  Tony was probably doing the same.  He hoped.

***

"Fuckity fuck fuck FUCK!" a male voice shouted as he woke up.  Don got up and went to call someone he knew.  Fortunately he was home, it was his day off.  Well, had been his day off.  "Why can't Xander live somewhere normal with normal problems?" he complained as he got dressed.  "Why does he have to live *there* and have the end of the world show up every single year?"  He stormed out.  He knew the idiot watcher in his city.  The guy was a pussbag of delight but he wouldn't want the little kid he was raising to be killed.

***

John Sheppard woke up from his latest head injury and blinked, then went down again.  He had looked something up.  Sometimes a personal visit was better than an email and this one needed to be explained in person since he wouldn't be able to get to the one he wanted.  But his best friend would be close enough and would probably understand.  He let himself drift, finding the man he needed on the astral plane.  Anyone who had been ascended was still partially there.  You never came back whole.  That's why he was missing memories.  Of course, he found someone else too.  A young brunette woman was giving him a strange look.  "Hi, Cordelia.  I need to talk to him."

"You read like Xander," she said, looking confused.

"I'm his cousin John."

"He talked about you," she admitted.

He smirked.  "I heard it all too."   He yanked on the line linking Daniel Jackson to the astral plane, smirking at his surprised look.  "Hi."

"How are we doing this?  I was at my desk....."  He stopped to look around.  "Are we ascended?"

"Well, she is.  We're on the astral plane."

"Once ascended, always at least partially ascended," Cordelia quipped.  "Why come up here, Cousin John?"

"Because Sunnydale's going to cave in and bring everyone with it," he told her.  She gaped then went to check on that.  He looked at Daniel.  "I know General Jack showed you the information I brought back last time on Sunnydale?"  Daniel nodded slowly.  "That vision he had, it's coming true now.  All the girls like his blonde friend, all over the world, down to newborns, are being taken out by the newest highly evil thing.  This is worse than the battle that killed his blonde friend."

"You can't email him?"

"It won't get there in time probably."

"Good point.  Are we in danger?"

"I don't know but I do know that there's at least one Watcher in your program and he is."

"Damn it," Daniel muttered.  "Okay and we do what?"

"For right now, the Sunnydale team is facing something called the First Evil.  His or her minions, called Bringers, are taking out watchers, potentials, and whoever they think can get in their way.  We might be on the list, I'm not really sure."

"Why would we be in their way?"

"Because if something happens, we'd be the ones called to step in and help contain it," he told him.  "Because I'm like my cousin, there's a watcher there, and you guys are warriors for the light even if it's on a different battle."

Cordelia showed up again.  "They are and they're in deep.  Riley's people too," she told Daniel.  "Yeah, you're kinda listed the same way, even though you're on another battle.  They know this.  Some of your people are already missing."

John looked at her.  "Any that have made it to other places?"

"No, she's earth bound.  I was told to tell you that.  They can't get here.  They can't get wherever you are, whatever, just around the normal earth."  She looked at Daniel.  "And you're a huge ass target because, once again, once ascended, always at least partially ascended."

"Which was how I pulled you up here," John admitted.  "My family can dream walk.  Most of us do that to conference and talk."

"Okay, I can understand that.  So we're in danger from the mystical forces instead this time?"

"Bringers mostly look human, but they're wearing robes, they have no eyes," John told him.  "Scars or holes in place of them from what I got from Xander.  He called them super vampires.  He passed over extra information in case they came for me."  He stared at him.  "You guys have to be ready to step in out there because Xander felt this battle, it won't stay inside Sunnydale."

"The Powers aren't sure either.  They'll have to go into the Seal, therefore the hellmouth, to battle her probably," Cordelia agreed.  "That means that there's a huge battle in hell's waiting area basically.  Earth won't have the protectors it used to have if she wins."

Daniel nodded.  "I can let him know."

"Make sure they told my former team in LA," Cordelia ordered.  "Since I can't.  They'll need some more fighters."  She looked at John.  "Sparky, you abridged what the Powers thought was going to happen so you get to sit out."

"Figured I'd be on the second wave anyway," he admitted.  He lied but oh well.  Daniel looked at him.  He grinned. "Xander only has to ask."

"I'll make sure he remembers that," Daniel said.  "Thank you both."  He looked around.  "How do I get back?"

John pointed at his stomach.  "Belly button line."

Daniel looked at it then gave it a test yank.  He sped off back to his body.  He woke up with a gasp, looking at his current teammate.  "Cam, I need Jack ASAP.  Tell him it's a Sunnydale thing, Sheppard called, we're on alert."  He went to find him.  Daniel calmed himself down, making notes on everything he had been told so he didn't forget anything.  Jack stomped in.  "It's even worse.  We have personnel in trouble too and we're on the front lines if they fail."

"How did you and Sheppard talk?"

Daniel looked at him.  "As some young woman named Cordelia said, once ascended, always partially ascended.  Sheppard said his family can dream walk."

"Good to know."  He took the notes to look over.  "Anything else I have to know?"

"She said we're on the same list."  Jack looked at him.  "Different battle but we might be able to stop her apparently.  We might already be missing people."

"I'll have them recalled to base and check into this."

"She said to make sure her team in LA knew."

"I can do that too.  You find this puss sucker.  I want pictures of these minions as soon as you find them, Danny.  And everything else."

"On it."  He moved to his historical odd thing books.  Jack had gotten him started collecting them.  He had no idea why at the time until he had seen that information from Sheppard about that town.  He had even subtly pointed some scientists to studying the energy output of it in case it was needed to be known.

***

Cordelia looked at John.  "Sneaky," she said with a smirk.  "Not on the game board but sneaky."

"Had to warn them," he pointed out.  "No one else knew to."

"Good point.  Which is why you're being allowed to go back to your body."

He pulled her closer, staring at her.  "There's a reason Xander and I are a lot alike, Cordelia."

"I'll warn them you'll pull a plan out of your butthole too," she said dryly.  Then she stole a kiss with an eviler smirk.  "He kisses better.  You have bad breath."

"Yeah, I ate an MRE on a mission.  They're foul."  He shrugged and went back to his body, groaning and holding his head.  "Damn I hate doing that."  He flipped onto his side, closing his eyes and laying there until the headache eased some.

One of the younger nurses came over to check on him.  "Are you awake, Colonel?"

"Barely," he admitted.  "I have a thumping headache and I could use some sugar."

"Um....."  She started to blush.  She had heard rumors about him and various alien women but the nursing staff too?

"Like actual sugar.  Sweets, that sort of thing?"

"I'll test your blood sugar," she decided, going to get the meter to do that.  It was on the low side of normal so she sent someone to get him something from the cafeteria.  Sam Carter walked in with it.  She pointed.

She walked over to nudge him, making him blink at her.  "What happened?"

"Head injury."

"I so believe that too," she said dryly, handing over the pastry.  She stared at him.

"I had to talk to an ascended about something," he said quietly.  "My cousin's in deeper than usual and all your team is on the same hitlist for different reasons."

She stared at him.  "Can it get here?"

"No."

"Which ascended did you talk to?"

He smirked.  "One who was mostly back.  With my cousin's ex girlfriend."

"Interesting.  Jack told me about him over beers one night."

"Family gift."

"I don't need to know," she decided.  "Does this have to do with why Daniel was having people study your cousin's town for strange energy surges?"

"Yes."

"And why you had to take a few days back there when he was injured?"

"The reason he was injured is the direct cause of this incident," John admitted.  "But she had no idea.  It opened a doorway."

"Do I need briefed?"

"If so I'm hoping he does it.  I only got a good bit of stuff from Xander, but he's got research I don't by now hopefully."

"I'll ask him then."  She walked off, going to email her former teammates.   That was strange, even for Atlantis.  Sheppard clearly needed a long vacation somewhere more sane.  Nowhere near his family but more sane.

***

Buffy looked up as two men walked through the store's door.  "Hi, if you need some help finding something let me know."

"I know what I need to find, Miss Summers," the older guy said.  "I'm Jack O'Neill, this is Daniel Jackson."  Giles choked, coming out of his office.  "He has some information for you and we have three watchers, four girls, and a very worried young hunter who wanted to come help you."  He stared at her.  "I was also warned that if something happened here, it was my team's job to contain it to this area."

"Do you work with Riley?"

"No, and frankly if I had seen that project, I'd have kicked his butt all the way to DC and prison," he said bluntly.  "I do work with one of your people's cousins."

"You work with Xander's cousin," Willow said from her seat, looking at him.

"I do."

Daniel cleared his throat.  "I talked to John and a young woman named Cordelia?"  They all groaned.  "We were warned that we were on the same hit list for doing the same thing in a different battle and with different problems as she put it."  He looked at Buffy, who relaxed.  "I'm also a very good researcher."  He handed Giles a lot of papers bundled together.  "Everything I have on the First."

"Thank you, gentlemen.  Is the military planning on quarantining the town?"

"If this gets out of hand, yes.  Beyond the city's borders, yes."

"I'd almost rather have the town cleared if it's going to get that bad," Buffy said.

"Which means we'd step in and seal it anyway," Jack assured her.  "We're not going to get in your way, Miss Summers.  We're here to make sure it gets no farther than your town.  If you can handle it, great.  If not, we'll step in if you fall."

She relaxed and nodded.  "That's very comforting in a lot of ways."  He smiled.  "Have you talked to the people in LA?"

"I have and they're coming this way," Daniel told her.  "When necessary."

"That'll work," she decided.  Xander walked in.  "Your cousin struck."

Xander stared at their backs, then came over to look at Jack.  "He said his general called me a nutjob and still wanted to recruit me."

"If something happens and you want to go that way, we can talk about," he assured him.

Xander grinned.  "And leave the huge party?" he asked dryly.  Jack snickered at that, shaking his head.  "Anyway...."

"We'll make sure it doesn't get past the town's limits.  If you guys contain it, wonderful.  If not, we'll make sure it doesn't spread."

"Good," Xander agreed.  "Anything else that got heard?"

"A lot.  Including that there's three identified hellmouths on this planet that are currently radiating."  He looked at Buffy.  Then at Giles when she pointed at him.  "Cleveland, Sheppardsburg, England, and here are all picking up on energy output.  We've identified a few other areas that have minimal energy output like this one, but those other two are higher and leaking a lot."

"It's possible that if this one does shut, one of those two would open," Giles admitted.  "That one in England is near the Council's headquarters."

"Which just exploded," Willow reminded him quietly.

"I hadn't forgotten," he assured her.  He looked at them.  "If that one should open, or Cleveland, we'd be able to handle it as soon as we could."

"We'll let you know," Daniel promised.  "Also," he said, looking at Buffy.  "We pulled a few strings.  One of the people in the van waiting is already called."

"You got Faith out?" she asked.

"We did.  We figured you could use the help."

"I can," she agreed.  "Xander?"  He went to talk to her and the others.  She smiled.  "Thank you, guys.  It's comforting to know that not all the military is like Riley's people."

"No, they're not," Jack agreed.  "What's left of his unit is being reassigned in the US for right now.  They're going to be outside St. Louis officially and traveling to handle things.  The president was furious when he heard what had went on, and why, and how it got stopped.  Also that so many hadn't went to jail."  She smirked at that.  "So they're on permanent duty.  If things slow down, they're going to be moved to Homeland Security and their own quiet unit there."

"That's fine.  It won't bother us hopefully," she admitted.

"My former general is the grandfather of Mr. Finn's wife," Jack told her.  "I asked him and he said he chewed him a new one pretty often."

"I'm sure he was happy with that," she said, but she was a bit happier now.  Xander came in with Faith.  She stared at her then walked over to hug her.  "Welcome back."

"Thanks, B.  Is it that evil?"

"It's all that and more," she sighed.  She looked at Jack again.  "I know others have managed to escape them."

"They're all heading here.  There's people in the US government who know about the council.  They've talked to people in immigration to send them all here."

"Thank you."  She held out a hand.  He shook it.  "Tell his cousin he's nosy?"

"Backup is always welcome when you're in a huge battle," Jack reminded her.

"Yeah, but he's still nosy."

"He can be," Daniel agreed dryly.  "Cordelia is too."

"Yeah, she was," she agreed dryly, shaking her head.

"My ex Cordelia?  Queen C?" Xander said dryly.  "Why would she be nosy?"  He gave them a look.

"She said you kissed better than your cousin," Daniel told him.  "He had eaten an MRE recently so he had bad breath."  The boy giggled all the way back to the kitchen.  He looked at Buffy.  "If we can help, you let us know."

"How long have you known?"

"That something strange was going on out here?  Since we formed," Jack admitted.  "What was actually going on?  Since Sheppard had to come see his cousin when he was injured.  Since he heard that one had a vision, he passed back that we had to watch out this way in case something huge was going to get free of you."

"So you've been doing all this for about nine months?" Faith asked.

"Some of it for longer than that," Daniel said dryly.  "Some of us knew some of this history way back during our undergrad and ignored it."  Buffy snickered but nodded.  "I know, a lot probably do.  Then we find out we have a watcher in our program who was there to make sure we didn't make those same sort of mistakes, we have two former potentials for the same reason, and then we find out that there's a few more who know.  Because we're drawn to the strange stuff."

Cordelia faded in.  "Hey, you do the work, you get the bennies of creepy things going on around you," she said bluntly.  She looked at Xander when he came back out.  "Don't let it go to your head, Harris."

"Why would I?"  He shrugged.  "It happens."  He sipped his soda, handing Faith a bottle of water.  "How bad, how many, how soon?"

"Soon but not too soon.  Bad?  There's a reason we're putting a fence around the town," Cordelia admitted.  She looked up then at him.  "Bad depends on for each person," she said finally.  "Welcome to the big league, guys.  Graduation was a warm-up exercise and test.  Have fun in her waiting area with the scythe."  She left them alone.

"She clearly learned how to be cryptic from Angel," Buffy decided, looking at the two military guys.

"If you need us for direct intervention, you can call," Jack assured her.  "Even through Sheppard since he seems to like his cousin so much."  He smirked.  "If not, we'll be outside town having a practice exercise when it's time."  He left with Daniel.

"I told you he was telling them stuff," Willow said, glaring at Xander.

He looked at her.  Then at Buffy.  "I told John things because the family's calling is to help with this stuff."

"He's a hunter?"

"Yup."

"Damn.  That makes sense then.  How did he go military?"

"He's a pilot.  He wanted that more."

She smiled.  "He was kind of cute too."

"He's surrounded by hugely strange bad girls.  He's like my earlier prototype," he quipped.

"But...but they're military!" Willow complained.

"Whose job it is to protect this country from things that might hurt it," he told her.  "They're not like Riley, Willow.  That's the same project you hacked once to see what my cousin did."  She groaned, rubbing her face.  "They won't harm us.  I don't trust the normal military but those guys?  They do the same thing basically in a different war.  I didn't until John told me exactly what was going on in great detail."  During that dream talk, John had sworn for many hours that the SGC was his version of Sunnydale and wondered if there were protection runes against cranky scientists and those sort.

Buffy shrugged.  "It's good the Powers stepped in to give us a way to make sure even if we fail, she won't get out."  She looked at Giles.  "Anything good?"

"Much information I didn't have," he told her, looking up at her.  "He is a well known researcher who had a few strange ideas about pyramids in his earlier career then he seemed to drop into a black hole."

"He's being a researcher for the military," Xander told him.

"Clearly."  He went back to it.  "What does your cousin do?"

"Way beyond classified," Xander sighed.  They all stared at him.  "Cordelia?"  She reappeared.  "Should I?"

She shrugged, looking at Buffy.  "You know that one slayer dream you had with the blonde girl in Texas and her going with her daddy so she was safe?"  She nodded slowly.  "They do that.  Same job, different war, and some day Xander hopes he can grow up to be that general guy because he's the original prototype for what he wants to be."  She faded out again.

"My cousin does stuff that not even Andrew could believe in," Xander told her.

"Wow.  The military does that?"  Xander nodded.  "Well known?"

"Nope.  Only a few and the president know."

"I guess that's good then."  She shrugged and went to see the new research.  She'd worry about this cousin some other time.  When it wasn't an apocalypse knocking on their door.  "Faith, you can stay with us if you want.  We've got a spare room."  She looked at the other slayer.  "Or we're setting up in Angel's old mansion.  We've heard we've got refugees coming."

"I can start that," she decided.  "I don't want to creep out anyone like your mom."

Xander shook his head.  "Can't anymore and she wouldn't unless you suddenly came in furry, singing Disney songs, and waving your new tail around."  She giggled at that image, walking off shaking her head to get the new refugees that way.  Buffy gave him the oddest look.  "She wouldn't."

"If she came in singing Disney songs, I'd tie her down and see what infected her.  Being furry Mom might've been able to take, but not Disney."  She went back to the research.  "Get the others from my place there, Xander.  Play dorm mom for a few hours."

"Sure."  He went to do that.

"I still don't like it," Willow complained.

She looked at her.  "They said they already knew, Willow.  It's good to know that she won't get past us.  Afterward, we can complain about him telling his cousin stuff.  For right now, they've been subtle, Cordelia said that they're doing the same job, and we need the help this time.  I'll welcome the help even if I can't trust them yet."

"We can talk to Riley, see if he's heard of them," Giles offered.

"I might do that," she decided, going to the office to look up his number.  She came out a few minutes later.  "He's heard of O'Neill and Jackson.  There's all sorts of rumors of what they do, nothing is ever confirmed, and they're so classified he said people show up on your doorstep after midnight when you wonder about them."  She grimaced.  "He did say he had heard they were responsible for keeping us out of a major war we couldn't win and that they're the reason that stopped a few bigger things that even slayers can't handle.  He did say that if one of them came to him, he was told that they were totally trustworthy, to follow along with their orders, don't talk back, and pray that you survived the battle."

"So, like Cordelia said, they do weird things in a different battle but they're the same sort of warriors," Willow said, looking displeased.

Buffy looked at her.  "Not all the military can be like Riley's former project, Willow.   Some have done some great things."

"Fine."

"Can you imagine what would happen if we failed?" Buffy asked her quietly.  Willow shuddered.  "Exactly.  I'm comforted that someone is going to be standing guard outside the town to help us.  Right now, I'll take all the help I can get because she scares me."

"I understand."  Willow gave her a pat on the arm.  "What are we going to do about Xander telling his cousin things?"

"Nothing," she said.  "I told my mom, eventually.  Giles tells the council.  He's another hunter.  Someone has to know and I guess his cousin is better for him than a diary would be."  She walked off to see how Xander and Faith were doing.

"I still don't like it," Willow muttered.

"Yes, but you have to accept it," Giles reminded her from where he was verifying some information.  He looked at her.  "Not everyone is like someone we've had to deal with, Willow.  We need to move past that.  Especially right now."  He went back to his research.  If this wasn't an emergency he'd have been fascinated to read up on this history.  As it was, he was going to have nightmares very soon.

***

Jack looked over the inefficiency of the town, sneering at how bad it was.  "Why can't we replace some key personnel with military people?" he asked Daniel.

"We have no reason to."

"Even the hospital?  That's the seventeenth victim they've had die of minor things in four months."

Daniel sighed, nodding.  "If we could find a good reason, one of the president would like....."

"Or we can be sneaky and have someone switch to there," another of their people said from behind him.  "Sir, we had to rescue two of our guards from the local police station earlier.  We did chew them a new one for arresting our people because they were having a burger at the local crummy, nasty burger place."  Jack groaned.  "That's all they were doing.  Talking football, eating a burger that's worse than our mess's, and watching traffic.  They decided that they were evil.  Even though they weren't in any form of uniform."

"Did they tell you what charges they were arrested on?" Daniel asked.

"Loitering.  They were going to give them thirty days in jail.  I kindly told them that they didn't have authority to charge military people without going through JAG.  I said I'd get their number for them."

Jack had an idea.  "Marines, Air Force, or Army, Sergeant?"

"Marines, sir."

"Call this guy," he said, finding a number online.  "He's out of the DC office.  He's involved in this mess too by family bonds."  He handed it over.  "Let him straighten it out.  That way he's closer."  Daniel gave him a pointed look.  "Another of Sheppard's nutball cousins," he said with a smirk.  "Who's NCIS."

"Ah."

"So he can be closer."  He smirked at the sergeant.  "Anything else happen in town I need to know about?"

"Sir, some of the men wanted permission to go hunt down the things with the glowing eyes and brow ridges.   They were sure they weren't snaked after two snuck into the camp to eat someone.  Fortunately someone remembered their horror movies very well."

"We'd need wooden bullets," Daniel told him.  "I don't think we have any."

"I'll have the guard increased," Jack told him.  "Anything that gets in, if it's trying to hunt, kill it.  If it's peaceful, make friends with it as long as it's not a pet."

"Yes, sir."  He saluted and went to hand that number over and issue that order to the troops.  That was a sneaky move, getting them more hidden support right before things went to hell.  Maybe literally.

***

Gibbs looked up as a desk phone rang, grumbling at it.  "Stupid people," he muttered, getting up to get it when it went to voicemail and started to ring again immediately.  "Yeah, Gibbs," he said dryly.  He listened.  "Why can't you call the local office?"  The other end got taken over.  He settled down to log into that computer and look up the name of the general.  "Has he worked with DiNozzo in the past?"  He heard the hissed, coded reason and smirked.  He knew that family thing was going to haunt him.  "Was it a legal arrest?"  He heard the reason and snickered.

"Petty politicking.  Fine, I'll let him know you want called back, Sergeant.  Thank you."  He hung up and called Tony's cellphone.  "One of your family things is going to bother you soon," he said in greeting.  "A General O'Neill called to have you personally come out and investigate why two marines were arrested for having a burger while on leave from their special training and field exercise camp."  He hung up.  Then he went back to his own desk.

Tony came strolling in a half hour later, gathering things out of his desk.  "He works with my cousin John, Gibbs.   They're presently stationed where Xander is."  Gibbs stiffened, looking at him.  "Yes, it's one of those things I'd be called in for as family.  He's being sneaky to get more of us out there sooner.  Apparently this year's problem isn't in the spring."

"Are you going to take leave?"

"Let me see how bad it is first.  Xander's warning said that it was going to be really bad.  That's why I consulted with ICE recently about some refugees that needed to hit the same town."

"Huh?" he asked.

"Some of the same group he works with is being hunted by the evil thing this time, Gibbs.  They're running for his town as a fall back spot.  And then they're going to have a major issue.  I'll call tomorrow to let you know if I'm coming back immediately or not."  He left, and it was a nicer trip to the airport than the last time he had headed out to Sunnydale.   Not so frantic so he could get a better seat than coach.

***

Tony reported to the command tent, nodding at the general and the others in there.  "You called for me to investigate why two marines were arrested by townies, General?"

"I did."  He handed over the arrest report he had gotten.  "I was highly amused that they were going to put them in jail for 30 days for having dinner and talking about football, especially since their local jail hasn't had anyone living in it for years.  The last few have mysteriously disappeared."

Tony looked at the information then at him.  "Want me to call the FBI in about their jail?"

Jack looked at him.  "If we're right, it probably won't matter past this spring and no one threw a fit."

"Interesting."  He walked off reading.  Yeah, that jail and PD were seriously crooked.  So he'd turn them in anyway.  Having agents in town might help things.  At least a little bit.  He ran into one of his cousin's friends in town.  "Hey, Dawn."

"Why are you here?  Xander's not injured."

He grinned.  "Local cops arrested two marines on training exercises for having dinner."

She snickered.  "Yeah, they're that pathetic," she agreed.  "They tried to arrest my sister for killing a robot."

He grinned.  "Is Xander still here?"

"Somewhere.  Probably at work."

"Tell him I'd like to see him for dinner?"

"As long as you don't nibble too hard on him," she quipped.

"No, the aunts wanted him to marry John."

She cackled.  "He said John's like an earlier prototype of who he is."

"In many ways," he agreed dryly.  He walked off.  "I'll talk to you soon."

"Sure."  She texted that to Xander.

Tony looked at his phone as it rang with a text message.  //Don't bring more agents unless the gov't wants to lose them.  Not now, and only if we win this spring please.//  He sent back a 'fine' and left it there before erasing it so he could go inside the station.  He pulled his credentials.  "Is your supervisor in please?"

"Sir...."

"Special Agent DiNozzo, kid."  The guy made a whining noise.  "He tried to arrest two marines.  That's my job.  Where is he?"

"Office," he said with a point.  "Please don't piss him off?  He'll beat us."

"If he does, I'll help you press charges, Officer."  He walked that way, tapping once before walking in.  "Special Agent DiNozzo, NCIS," he said bluntly.  "I want the file on the arrest of the two marines."

"Who're you to...."

"Marine and Navy crimes are NCIS's jurisdiction, Sergeant, and I've seen scarier FBI agents sleepwalking so don't try to do anything else," he said when the man started to stand up. "If there's a legitimate charge, well arrest them.  That is the way the system works.  Now, may I have their files?"

"No, you can't.  That's a local crime."

"So?"  He gave him a look.  "You still don't have the authority to arrest any service member, Sergeant.  It's against the laws of this country.  Not to mention this state."

"Not ours," he said bluntly.  "Boys, come get him."

Tony held up his ID.  "Do it, watch the FBI invade within minutes, guys.  Because I do have the name, number, and the agent on speed dial who is looking into your crappy town statistics at the moment."  They all backed off and one actually ran at that.  He stared at the sergeant.  "I didn't want to make this a pissing contest.  I really didn't."  The man growled and started to change.  Tony pulled out his service piece and shot him.  He died.  "Silver works on a lot of things," he told the watching officers.  "So, the records on why two of our service members were arrested?"  One got them for him.

"Thank you.  Have a better day, gentlemen."  He walked off reading it.  It was so laughable it wasn't even close to funny.  He did fax that back to Gibbs so he could be amused too.  Along with a short, hand-written report that he had to shoot in the line of duty but no one was thinking about investigating anything.  That the officers had given him awed looks or were ignoring he existed.  So if NCIS wanted one they could do their own.  He'd make sure they weren't eaten when they came to town.  He found the Magic Box and walked in, nodding at Buffy.  "There's an opening for a new officer if someone wanted to apply."

"There has been for six months," she told him.  "No one wants that job.  Even the people who can ignore everything don't want that job.  Did one attack you?"

"Yes, but I have silver."  She smirked back.  "Is Xander still in the same apartment?  I was going to make him dinner since I'm local."

"No, we're all huddled together," Buffy admitted.  "I'd never ask you to cook for all the potentials.  Take him to the pizza place.  He likes it."

"I can do that.  Thank you, Buffy.  By the way, if you do win and the town is still standing?  Federal agents will be swarming this town afterward."

"Thanks for the warning.  We'll go on vacation."

"That's fine," he agreed.  He walked off, going to find Xander at work.  It was nearly three.  He could slightly follow the feeling of Xander that he got from dream walks to find him in real life.  Xander spotted him and came off the job site to give him a hug.  "Hey.  Dinner?  Buffy suggested pizza when I saw her."

"If you want."

"Cool.  When do you get off?"

He looked at his listless crew.  "Yo, guys?"  They all stared at him.  "How much longer do we have?"

"Another day," one complained.  "This heat is killing us, Xander."

"If I let you go today that means we have to finish the new roof tomorrow."  They all groaned.  "Give it a half-hour to do more work, then clean up.  I'll let you go at four."  They cheered and got back to work.  "I get off shortly after four."  He grinned.

"That'll work."

"Why are you here?"

"The general asked for me personally to see why your local cops arrested two marines."

"Because they're dumb."

"The cops?  Yes they are."

"Well, yeah."

"And missing a sergeant because he was turning purple and growing about seven feet tall," he said more quietly.

"Oh, him.  Not a problem.  He ate an officer the other day for giving his wife a speeding ticket."  He shrugged.

"If you guys win this thing, agents are coming."

"We'll try to make sure they don't get eaten."

"Good."  He smirked.  "Let me tell the general that.  I'll meet you at the pizza place?"

"Okay."  Tony walked back to his car, getting in to drive off.  Xander went to help with the work.  It was really hot on the roof.  The type of demon who lived here expelled heat like it was a heater.

***

John was pulled into a dream conference a week later, smiling at Tony.  "How's things out there?"

"Bad.  Really bad.  Getting worse.  Xander's injured.  He's stubborn and injured."

"How injured?  Like last time?"

"No, this is a permanent injury."

"Handicapped sort?  You're dancing around the subject."

"He didn't want you to know.  He thinks you're going to have an issue soon on your base.  For some reason he's had a few visions since the insane preacher popped his eye."

"As in out?  And someone put it back in?" he asked, sounding hopeful.  He moved to look at Xander's spot in the room.  It was quiet, almost drugged feeling.  He laid a hand on it but he didn't feel like he woke up.  He let him go.

"No, as in popped the eye itself; it had to be removed.  General Jack's medic stepped in to save him and the slayers who needed it from the local hospital.  I'm *so* having agents tear apart that town for being so bad."

"Why is he being stubborn?"

"He said he's still going to help," Tony said.

John considered that.  "What sort of problems is my base having?"

"I don't know but he said bad ones."

"Uh-huh."

"Got any handy warriors you can spare?"

"Maybe.  I'd have to ask Ronon and Teyla."

Tony gave him a hug.  "That might help.  People are fleeing town of their own free will."

"Aw, crap."

"And you've still got problems coming."

"Super shit."  He disappeared, waking up in his room on base.  He sighed and went to talk to someone.  "McKay, my cousin seems to think we're going to be coming up major problems soon."

"What sort?"

"No clue yet.  He didn't tell Tony that part."  McKay gave him an odd look.  "Don't ask."

"How would he know?"

"That's a more complicated story and I haven't heard it all yet," John admitted.  "I have heard that whatever major problem they're having has just maimed him."

"Maimed.... what is it that your cousin does again?"

"Lots and lots of odd shit," John admitted.  He walked off.  "Fair warning."

"Thank you, I didn't need to sleep anyway," McKay called after him.  "How can I prepare if I don't know what's going to happen?" he muttered, getting back to fixing what he was working on.  "It could be anything anymore."

John went up to Sam Carter's office.  "Hola."

"That bad?" she asked, looking up at him.  "Need time off to visit that cousin?"

"Not yet.  Another of the cousins did ask if we could spare some warriors.  I'd like to go shake my cousin about him being stubborn but he said we're about to have problems here."

"Okay," she said slowly.  "Any idea what or what his source is?"

"No."

"For both answers?"

"He may be having visions now.  He had one before that pointed at the current crisis they're having down there."

"Jack said he was by their town," she admitted, leaning back to stare at him.

"In case the bad thing breaks past his team and tries to go further than local."

"I suppose that makes sense," she admitted.  "How long should this take?"

"I think it's soonish.  Probably within the month.  If I do get a sudden 'we're going tomorrow' call I'll let you know as I'm having someone dial out for me."

"Thanks for that warning."

"He didn't want me to come, said that we'd be having our own problems."

"Huh.  Okay, well, see if he'll give us an idea?  At the very least we can make plans in case it happens sometime.  It's always good to have emergency procedures laid out ahead of time."

John smiled.  "Thanks, Sam."

"Not a problem, John.  Some day I'd like to meet your cousin."

"You remind me a lot of his friend Buffy but she's an airhead and you're not."  He walked off happier.

"At least I don't come off as an airhead.  I guess that's good," Sam Carter decided, writing Jack an email.   When the next message package went later that night, she found one waiting on her from him about the problems the kid had foreseen.  "He's having detailed visions," she said, reading it over.  "That's... not very good."  She called John to her office, letting him see it.

He read it then nodded, handing over the copy of his own email from Xander.  "Normally I wouldn't trust a vision, but..."

"We've seen weirder come true," Sam told him.  "Really."

He grinned.  "Most of the time?"

"Quite often.  The stories I can't tell you without giving you blackmail material."  He snickered.  "Let's set up a protocol to deal with that.  If there are Ancients who will try to take over the city, we should be prepared."

He nodded.  "We should be but we don't have to gather them.  We can tell someone like an Asgard."

"We could," she agreed, sending that suggestion to Jack.  "That might uncomplicate matters.  At least for a while."

"The new ZPM's would be handy though," he admitted.  "McKay might sell all our souls for a few new ones."

"Maybe they'll teach us how," she decided.  "Without making us leave the city."

"Maybe," he agreed.  He went back to talk to McKay.  He logged in down there, pulling the head scientist over to see what he did.

He read then looked at him.  "Those things are for crackpots," he said bluntly.

"I'd trust my cousin with my life," he said simply.  "He also told them about the problem that's currently making the SGC worried about his town beforehand."

"Fine.  We'll make a totally speculative plan to deal with that if it should happen.  Just to soothe you."

"Thank you."  He walked off after erasing that email from the system.  Some day he'd have to blow McKay's mind by showing him demons.  He could watch him freak out for *years* because of that.  The rants about magic being unscientific and illogical would be amusing for months on end.  Well, maybe Xander needed some more help?  He sent an email back to him.  If they could divert the problems maybe he'd have the time to go down.  He did want to kick his ass about not sitting out the battle with that severe of an injury.  Not even John was that stubborn.  Most of the time.

***

Xander looked up as someone walked over to his seat.  "Daniel," he said with a smile.  "What's wrong?"

"When is it?"

"Two weeks," he said quietly, glancing around the mostly empty street.  "If you're talking about John's problem?"

"I was."  He sat across from him.  He stared at him.  "We can divert that problem onto someone else's shoulders for a while."

"If you do, they'll die up there."

Daniel considered that.  "There's hope of more ZPM's without them."

"There's always hope," he agreed.  "If it goes the way I saw in that dream, then there'll be people to move to the newest project."

"How much farther ahead did you see?"

"Fairly.  I've had a few since then.  If it goes that way, John will be here for a majorly bad problem that will get national attention."

Daniel stared at him.  "Ours?" he asked finally.

"No.  Ours."

"That's going to be a problem."

"Yeah, especially for LA that spring."  Daniel shuddered.  Xander nodded.  "It'll be an all-hands plus whoever jumps in thing."

"How soon?"

"Year and a bit."

"Then we have some warning."

"Have someone figure out what they're going to be telling people."  He waved at someone.  "Wes."  He walked over with a smile.  "Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, this is Doctor Daniel Jackson.  Daniel, this is Wesley, he works in the LA group."

"Pleasure to meet you.  Giles said you had done some of the research for us," he said, shaking his hand.

"I did," Daniel agreed with a smile.

"In a little over a year, you might be seeing him again, Wesley."  Wesley gave him a pointed look.  "Not my fault the insane preacher decided to start off visions."

"Like Cordelia had?"

"Dream style instead of splitting head open style."

"That's a benefit at least," he decided.  "Why will we be seeing him?"

"Something about a black rose's thorns and a shitload of demons running through LA."

Wesley stared at him.  "I've heard something about the Black Thorn part of that."

"The other will be televised.  For many hours," Xander said, staring him down.

"Oh, dear.  Will we need special weapons to take out the head thing?"

"No head thing.  I'm seeing a portal."

Wesley muttered something, making Daniel snicker.  "Well, it does fit, even though he's becoming a bit cryptic."

Xander shrugged.  "Normals are still around, Wes."

"True.  Thank you for that timely warning, Xander.  How are you feeling?"

"Better if I could get sleep at night."

"That can suck, yes," he decided, patting the boy on the shoulder.  "We're up to help."

"Cool.  They're still at the mansion."

"Even better."  He smiled at Daniel.  "Nice meeting you.  I'm sure we'll get to chat more next year."  He shook his hand and walked off to tell the others what Xander had been dreaming up.  He hoped that was only a dream due to a bad midnight snack but Rupert did seem to know something when he told him so he guessed they were getting an early head's up from the Powers That Be for the worst apocalypse to date.  Giving them a year's warning probably meant it was going to be so bad they might not live through it, but that did happen to fighters all the time.  He ran into Gunn and Fred with Angel.  "Xander's having true visions."

Gunn stared at him.  "Why do we need to know?  Something about this one?"

"No, he's had one about our apocalypse next year."

"Isn't that a bit early?" Angel asked.

Rupert walked in with a book.  "Here we are.  The Black Thorn.  It was in the dangerous artifacts pile."  He let him have it.  "When it does happen, call us and we'll come, Wesley."  He left to oversee the screaming match in the kitchen.  "Do stop that now, thank you!" he called as he walked.

Wesley opened the book to the paper stuffed in it, reading over that section.  He let out a bitter little laugh.  "They want to take over the world."  He let him see it.  "Xander did say we'd be seeing the military person he was speaking to next year when it was televised for many hours as he put it."

Angel stared at him.  "That's an invasion, Wesley."

"I saw that."

"Whoa," Gunn demanded.  "Invasion?  In LA?"

"Which will end up televised?" Fred asked.  "That's going to suck."

"At least we shan't be alone," Wesley said dryly, sitting down.  "How are things progressing here?"

"They're debating having people evacuate," Fred told him.

"I think it might be a good idea," Buffy agreed, leaning into the room.  "Did Xander have another night of non-sleep?"  They all nodded.  "Bad?"

"Next year's apocalypse."

"Ooooh."  She winced and hissed.  "Let me get through this one first, guys.  Please?"  They all nodded.  "Will we need mystical weapons?"

"I dare say we'll need more quantity of weapons than specific ones."

"Talk to Xander.  He does that."  Xander walked in and slammed the door.  "Bad dream while driving?" she guessed.

"Daniel showed up to talk.  He said Jack wants to evacuate."

Buffy nodded.  "That makes it about unanimous.  They can even do a cover story when we can't.  How long do we have before we can beat her?"

"Two days," Xander said.

She considered it then nodded.  "Let him do it if he wants."  She walked off.

"I think it slows down after that one," Xander called after her, making her happier.  He'd keep his opinion about that being because no one was alive to handle it to himself.

***

John woke up from another horrible dream, holding his forehead.  "I could use that sleep," he complained.  He got up and trudged to the infirmary.  There was no way he could function on this little sleep.  The doc in charge spotted him and pointed at a bed.  "Sleeping pill?"  She got him one and he went back to his room.  He had no idea why he was seeing things about a demon invasion of LA, with Jack and Daniel in attendance to help out, but it sucked and he really needed that sleep he was missing.  He had even gotten six hours when someone banged on his door.  He got up and trudged over to it.  "Sam?"

"It's nearly time."

John stared at her.  "I thought I was needed up here."

"You are.  There too.  Jack said it's worse than he thought it was going to be.  Xander's still going into battle injured.  He said to tell you it's really bad and he needs someone to help him."  John nodded, moving to get dressed and pack his weapons.  The Midway station could get him back to SGC fairly quickly.  Quarantine or not.  They bypassed quarantine for him and Ronon.  He smiled at him.  "Welcome back to earth, big guy."

General Landry walked down to meet them at the bottom of the ramp.  "The Apollo is taking you there," he said quietly.  "I'm hoping O'Neill is overreacting."

"I've never heard he was a princess, sir."

Landry choked, shaking his head.  "Me either and that's a bad image.  Thank you."

"It's lack of sleep, sir, sorry."  They got beamed up and sent to the spot by Sunnydale.  "General, reporting as ordered," he said, putting down his bag so he could put on his weapons.  Ronon was doing the same.

Jack pointed.  "See that?  They're getting ready to go in there, beat her ass, spill blood on the altar, and come out."  He looked at John.  "It won't be pretty, she has an overwhelming force, and they've got a lot of young slayers who were just called.  Tony's down there.  So's your nutjob, stubborn cousin."

"Going," he agreed.  "I'll make sure as many make it out as possible, General."

"Why do you look tired?" Daniel asked.

"Some dreams about a demon invasion in LA."

"So's your cousin."

"I wish he'd keep those to himself then.  But hey, I saw you there bs'ing the press about the six hour long invasion."

Jack shuddered.  "We'll shut down what we can around that date.  When you get concrete details I need to know."

"Of course.  Let me go beat my cousin for sharing."

"He does say that you're his older prototype," Daniel said with a smirk.

"Clearly."  He walked out and broke into a jog, going to join the people walking that way.  He nodded at Tony, who pointed at Xander's back.  "Ronon, see the blonde girl in the lead?  She and the other girls have to get to whatever altar is set up in there," he told his teammate.  He nodded.  "She's a very good warrior."

"I'll help where I can."

Buffy looked back at him.  He smirked and grinned.  "Jack sent us."

"Okay."  They paused at the opening and looked around.  Buffy gave her last speech and they went inside to do battle.

***

John stared at the people in the beds later, watching his cousin mostly.  Tony was on Xander's other side.  The military medics were taking care of the others but he had only exhausted himself.  He looked at Tony.  "He does things like this every year."

"I heard.  The rest of us probably should've been closer," he admitted quietly.

John nodded.  "I would've if I had been able to."  He leaned forward, staring at Xander for a minute then at him.  "Think we can talk him into switching careers?"

"No," Tony said.  "I think he's stuck on this one.  No matter how bad it is for him or our nerves."

John sighed but nodded.  "That's what I thought you'd say."  He looked over at Ronon.  He had been having his newly stitched arm cleaned up against his will.  "They done fussing over you?"

"Yes they are."  He looked at Xander then at him.  "He's your cousin?"

"Yup, both of our cousins," John said with a smile.  "We're both more distant cousins than not."

"Some of the aunts wanted John to marry him too," Tony said with a smirk.

"He clearly needs a warrior at his back to keep him from jumping into things that can kill him," Ronon said.

John shrugged.  "They've had fights every year for the last three, Ronon.  The ones before were lesser but just as bad."

Ronon sat down, staring at the other people in there.  Then at him.  "They're insane to do this job."

"Someone has to."

"I agree."  He considered it.  "If I were to get stuck down here for some reason, I would probably move to help them."

"I'd probably lock Xander in the house for a few weeks," John admitted.  "Then we'd have to see."  Ronon smirked at that.  "They might need an arms master or someone."  He shrugged at Tony's chuckle.  "Have you checked in with your highly overprotective, growling boss yet?"

"No, I didn't think he wanted to hear about this stuff," Tony admitted.  "I'm on leave.  Why?"

John pointed.  "He growls worse than my father's old dog."

Tony looked back there.  "Hey, boss.  Just a few cuts this time."  He looked at Xander again.  "I'm glad someone had something to knock him out tonight."

"I want to know why I got them from him," John complained.  Tony smirked at him.  "Don't even say it."

"Fine."

"Besides, he'll be grieving for a while."

"I saw."  Tony looked back after he was smacked on the head.  "Boss, you remember Xander, right?  This is another cousin, John, and his teammate Ronon."

Gibbs nodded.  "We good?"

"He only got a few cuts protecting his flank and some of the younger girls, Gibbs," John said.

"Good."  He looked at Tony.  "Do I want to know what went on?"

"No."

"The director thinks she does."

"I can take pictures of the town.  We can make her a nice presentation on the way back so she can have something to make her puke too."  He stood up with a groan, nudging Xander's side.  "Xander, my boss is here.  I'll see you in a few hours."  He walked off with Gibbs.  Gibbs paused to stare at the town then shuddered and walked away from it.  Tony followed.  "He thinks it'll slow down after next year's in LA, Gibbs."

Gibbs turned to stare at him.  "Next year in LA?  Do we have some prophetic crap now?"

"Well, he is getting visions," Tony said dryly.  "Some people have written about the group doing it as well."  Gibbs growled at that.  "Basically.  A little over a year.  But hey, the rest of the problems are moving closer.  To Cleveland."  Gibbs shuddered.  "It'll be a shorter flight when he's injured the next time."

"That's not much of a positive, DiNozzo.  Other agents are asking what happened."

"Tell them to find and ask General O'Neill.  He's in charge of the coverup this time."

"I can do that."  He stared at him.  "You're coming home?"

"Hell yes!  I want a beer, a cute girl to take some of the nightmares away, and a few good weeks of sleep, Gibbs.   I'm the National Guard for this, not on the main line like O'Neill's people are.  I feel sorry for John, he's on the front lines of it, but this isn't me."

"Good."  He smirked.  "How long?"

"Tomorrow afternoon.  LAX is shut down until someone tells them if there'll be more major earthquakes."

"I can see that."  He texted that to someone.  "Abby.  She said to paddle you."

"She'd enjoy it too much, boss."  He walked off.  "I'm going back to watching Xander sleep.  He hasn't been."

"I'll catch you in the morning."  He went to the command tent.

Daniel looked back then nudged Jack.  "Special Agent Gibbs, what's wrong?"

"People are starting to ask for the official reason."

Jack looked at him.  "I suck at making covering stories."

"Earthquake that caused a sinkhole into an underground pool, like the one that got the lake in South America," Daniel told him.

"People won't believe that, Danny," Jack complained.

Daniel looked at him.  "There's always going to be conspiracy people, Jack.  Some will think the town got sucked up by aliens too.  We can prove it wasn't a bomb.  No one's radiation meters went off."

"There have been aftershocks reported as far away as Nevada," Gibbs said.

"So earthquake might work," Jack decided.  "When the military unit on training exercises locally started to feel tremors, we talked to some scientists the Pentagon has on duty and they told us that it was going to be very bad this time based on some sort of new satellite photos.  Somehow they picked up the river or something."  Gibbs nodded.  "So they suggested we pull an evacuation just in case.  Thankfully most of the residents left without a problem and only a few casualties happened because some people refused to leave."

Gibbs nodded, writing that down and faxing it to a number in DC.  "That way someone can say something decent to the press."  He looked at them.  "Are you guys going to need DiNozzo for anything else?"

"Not until maybe next year if we have an all-hands," Daniel told him quietly.

"Then I'll take him home tomorrow.  Once his insane cousin is awake again."  Jack snickered.  "Anyone who does this stuff daily has to be insane.  Especially when they volunteer and keep going.  Even when we volunteered for wars, we knew they'd end sometime."

"This one won't but there'll be others who handle it somehow," Jack told him.  "We always do."

"I don't want to know if the military is doing the same sort of thing."

"We helped remove them, boss," Tony said as he walked in.  "Finn's group is active that way for the US."  He looked at the two military people.  "We good?"  They nodded.  "Then I might see you next year in LA.  If you have more mundane problems, feel free to call us in DC since we realize that you do strange things."

"There's an open investigative spot on the base for JAG," Daniel teased.

"Don't even think about it.  I'd charm everyone so much that they'd all be friendly again."  Jack snickered, shaking his head.  "I would."  Gibbs swatted him again.  "Ow, boss."  He rubbed the back of his head.  "That's mean."  He looked at Daniel.  "Xander's up and complaining that we sedated him."

"That's fine.  Our medics are used to it," Jack said smugly.

"Figured they were with the way they laughed as they walked off.  Let me grab my rental car and head, guys.  Pleasure working with you.  Let's not do the same thing in LA next year?"

"Invasion, so in the open," Daniel said.

"Hey, no sucking portal into hell then," he decided dryly.  He walked out with Gibbs.  "See you soon, John?"

"Maybe.  No clue," he admitted.  He smiled.  "Though I'll probably show in the damndest places."

"That's why you're my earlier prototype," Xander joked.  "Later, Tony.  Call for normal news?"

"Please do, Xander."

John looked at him.  "I dress better than you, kid.  And I get good women who don't want to kill me.  Much.  Before I went to my current posting anyway."  Ronon was coughing to keep himself from laughing.

"See, I knew they had some bugs they had to work out for later models," Xander quipped.  "My bad girl attracting power is so I have more hunting times instead of being bored."

Tony gave him a look like he was insane.  "Keep it up, Xander.  More of us are going with the aunt's plans to keep you both out of trouble."  He walked off with Gibbs.  "Talk to you guys soon one way or another."

Xander watched him leave then looked at John's silent partner.  "I think the aunts would be unhappy that you're already taken by a very silent, overprotective, warrior sort," he decided.   John swatted him.  "Ow!"

"Shut up, Xander.  He's not my boyfriend."

Ronon shook his head.  "I'd rather not have a male.  Females make nicer noises."

"Yes they do," Xander agreed.  "Especially the slightly evil ones because they're not afraid to get loud."

John sighed but nodded.  "I had noticed that."  He looked at his younger cousin.  "Think you can keep the brain damaging dreams to yourself?"

"No clue," he admitted.  He fiddled with his eye patch.  "Shouldn't you be up there handling things?"

"In a week."

"That's going to suck for you."

"Yeah," he admitted with a small sigh.  "But we'll handle it."  He patted him on the back, seeing the hiss and flinch away.  "Let's get you to the hotel so you can take a shower and soak that bruise for a bit."  He waved at Jack.  "Taking him to the others."

"That's fine, kids."  He waved them off.  Ronon went with them to talk to some of the girls.  Jack shook his head.  "They're all insane."

"So are we," Daniel pointed out.  "Sam's even worse."

"Good point," he decided.  "She volunteered to do that insane project after all our years of insanity."  He went back to doing General things that required telling people to shut up and leave him alone for a while.  He liked those jobs the best sometimes.  He was not the one to talk to the press.

***

Xander woke up on the dream plane with a few of the other cousins, yawning some.  "Thanks for getting me out of the nightmares, guys."  He looked around.  John and Tony showed up last.  "We're all here."

"What happened?" Don demanded.

"We went into hell to fight the First Evil.  We won, barely," John told him.

Don stared at him then at Xander.  "How did you do that to them!" he shouted.  "They were normal people before!"

"Sunnydale did it to everyone now and then," Xander said dryly.  "You should have visited while you had the chance."

"Why are you wearing an eye patch?" another cousin asked.

"It's missing thanks to Caleb, one of her upper minions," Tony told them.  Xander looked at him.  He grinned back.  "It is."

"I know, I was there."

"You'd be more graphic," John reminded him.  "Why the confab, guys?  Some of us need our sleep.  I've been getting bleed-over from Xander for a few days now and have my own emergency on my base in another week."

They stared at the trio. "Is it solved?" Darryl asked.  Xander nodded.  "Fully?"

"She's tied back down.  There's a whole lot of slayers heading for Cleveland later this month," Xander reported.  "Next year's is warned about."

"Next year?" Don demanded.

"Could probably use everyone to jump in," Tony admitted.  "If they can't stop it beforehand."

"I'm not sure if they could stop a secret cult," John admitted.

"Who knows," Xander said.  "Angel's not bad.  Still don't like him but he's not that bad at the warrior thing."  He stared at him.  "You're probably mumbling in your body and worrying your hovering, overprotective, silent mother-hen."

"He is not!"

"He was trying to fuss over me."

"You need it!  You went into a major battle a few weeks after losing an eye," John shot back.

"Why weren't we called?" Darryl asked.

Tony looked at him.  "Not like you can fight, Darryl.  What good would having you in the hellmouth with us have been?"

"Fine.  Don still could have been called."

"I tried in the past," Xander pointed out.  He looked at Don.  "Still think I'm a drama queen?"  He looked up.  "Gotta go.  Slayer needing a cuddle."  He disappeared.

"Let's lay off Xander," John said.

"We all failed when he tried to get some of us into it," Tony agreed.  "It royally sucks to be him sometimes."  He and John disappeared too.  Tony woke up on the plane, glancing over at Gibbs.

"Good nap, DiNozzo?"

"Family meeting, boss."  He shifted and got comfortable.  "I'll nap now."  He leaned against the window and went back to sleep.  This time, Playboy bunnies were nicer than demons, or his cousins.

Gibbs shook his head.  He'd get a report on that sometime soon.

***

John and Ronon came out of the gate back on Atlantis, looking at Sam Carter.  "Hey."

"Hey."  She took the box from their hands.  "From...?"

"Daniel."

"Thanks."  She smiled at them.  "You both all right?"

"Large cut on my leg, already stitched," John reported.  "Few bruises that're fading."

"About the same for the bruises," Ronon offered.  "The girls around his cousin are insane."

"Yeah, and they're going to drive him to leave soon," John said, looking at him.  "He was talking about going on a long trek somewhere to think."

Ronon nodded.  "That could be good for him.  He is grieving."

"I still didn't like Anya all that much but I know he did so I'll be supportive," John decided.  "I still can't see how someone could date any woman who complained the way she did."

Ronon shook his head.  "Some women do fuss."

"That bad?" Sam asked.

"The last time I talked to her, she was complaining, a lot, that Xander hadn't given her sex the night before because he was tired.  In public.  Not in front of friends but in a burger joint."  Sam winced.  "And she called it orgasms.  She was whining that she didn't get her multiple ones that night.  I respect that my cousin liked her and possibly loved her, but I'm not real sure how."

"I can't either," Sam admitted.  "Most women aren't like that."

"Only deadly ones like him," John said with a smirk.  "Want to meet him, Sam?"

She punched him on the arm.  "Maybe if I were back there," she said dryly.  "Hit the infirmary then your bunks for a few hours, guys."  They went to check in and then get some sleep.  She carried the box up to her office, smiling at what was in it.  Jack had clearly snuck some things in, making her laugh at the new DVD's.  She found a pill bottle in the bottom with a post-it.

"To make Sheppard sleep when his nutjob, stubborn cousin broadcasts?" she read.  "Okay."  She put it aside and kept digging.  Some chocolate, some new bras thanks to someone picking up her order.  That was a good present.  Rodney McKay came stomping in.  "They're back, heading for their rooms by now."  She handed him the pill bottle.  "O'Neill sent that for John."

He read the post-it then glared at her.  "What happened?"  She put on the DVD marked 'Sunnydale' so he could see it.  It wasn't the full thing.  The battle clearly took place underground or something.  Then they got to watch the town be sucked in while people ran from the hole.  "That's not logical!"

"It happens," Sam told him.  She looked at him. "Give him those and then you can ask him."

"Fine.  Why are there so many females there?  That's an extremely high concentration to be a military unit."

"John was the only military guy there," Sam told him.  He shuddered.  "That's why he got called to help.  Make sure he gets those."  He stomped off again.  She put the DVD carefully away.   She wouldn't want to be there.  It made base invasions up here seem slightly more sane sometimes.

***

Xander woke up in another dream a few weeks later, staring at his cousin Darryl.  "What's up?"

"Have you still given up on us?"

"It was nice some of you helped when Willow magiced me," he admitted.  "But if I called would any of them show up?"

He considered it.  "Not many have the skills to do what the family demands, Xander.  Many of us weren't trained."

"Neither was I when I jumped in."

"You weren't?"

"No."

"But....  You handle battles, you hunt...."

"I jumped in," Xander repeated.  "Because it took one of my best friends.  It was the right thing to do."

"And now?"

"Right now, I'm think I'm heading to Africa," he admitted.  "Very soon.  I need time to think."

Darryl nodded.  "If you should have problems over there, let us know?"

"I'll try.  I doubt Don or anyone would come."

"Possibly true," he agreed.  "It's not like it was in Grandfather's day.  Then you were trained for the duty and your family knew."

Xander nodded.  "They also didn't pay attention to the spawn of them."

"Also true."  He looked at him.  "You've done good.  Are you thinking about retiring?"

"I don't know.  John said I could talk to his general about things if I wanted to go that way."  He shrugged.  "I have no idea.  That's something to deal with while I'm thinking."

"Good."  He smiled. "If you called, more of us would come."

"Next year in LA if I'm not there," he said bluntly.

"Many of us will be there.  Tony and Don can use the cover of a family reunion."  He faded out.  "Be well and better, Xander."

"You too."  He went back to his body.  He had some things he had to do before he could leave but he'd probably be leaving soon.  He needed a nap too.  Fortunately the run of dreams were slowing down to one every few days.  Because the girls were going to drive him nuts.  If he was right though, he'd get to visit John in his fantastic city when he landed sometime soon though.  It would be nicer to have him closer.

The End.

Chapter 3: Africa To Aw, Hell

Even when Xander isn't there, some things have to draw in the cousins.  Like LA going to hell.

Tony was hanging around the dream plane so he could get a weekly update from Xander.  The younger guy had agreed to give him one and anything that he found going on that Tony might need to hear.  Instead of the boy, he heard some growling.  Tony gave the place where Xander appeared from a long look.  Yup, the growling was coming from there.   He mentally touched that spot and a hyena appeared.  "Nice hyena," he said quietly, trying to seem unthreatening.  "Good boy.  Did you eat my cousin?"  He squatted down since it was sniffing him.  "I'm not going to hurt you.  Good boy."  He was frantically poking at John's mental spot.

"Not now," John's voice called.  "Kind of in the middle of a battle here."

"Xander just showed up as a hyena," he called.

"He was possessed by one back in tenth grade," John called.

"How do I calm him down?"

"He was the pack leader, she," John sent back.

Tony looked at the spot.  "Huh?"

"She.  Pack leaders are always female.  I looked it up after he told me while he was drunk once."

"Okay.  Good girl."  He let her sniff his hand.  "How do I get him back?"

"He's probably doing something with a shaman or talking to her mentally, Tony.  Have him switch back."  The voice went blank.

"How do I do that?" he asked the beast.  "Can I have the boy?  Please?"  She started to growl again.  "I know, he doesn't know me by scent.  He never sniffed me that way.  I'm sorry.  It's all right.  I promise.  If you ask the boy, he knows me.  I'm a nice cousin."

"Go astral, see if you can find Daniel Jackson or his ex Cordelia," John's voice called.  "Then get him there.  Or else I'll have to teach someone on the fly and send McKay to snark him back into being human."

"I've never done that," Tony complained.  He looked at the hyena.  "Good girl."  She was carefully moving closer, chattering.  "That's probably not a good sound.  How do I go astral?"  He had no idea.  Then suddenly he was there.  His leg hurt but he was there.  "Now, how do I find people?  Do I call out for them?  Cordelia?" he called.  "Or Daniel Jackson if you're here?"  A young brunette woman with blonde streaks appeared, giving him a funny look.  "Xander's hyena'd and I can't get him back."

"How would I know what to do?"

"Our cousin John thought you might or someone named Daniel Jackson?  I met him briefly when he was helping the last battle in Sunnydale."

She pointed.  "He's got a concussion."

"How do I get him into the dream state we talk in?"

She nodded once.  "Smack Xander, he'll revert."

"We think he's doing something with shaman."

"Oh, that stuff.  Yeah he was due to learn more about her soon."  She considered it. "I have no clue.  Let me see if I can find the spell that Giles used.  Go wait on me."

He reappeared in the dream state, looking at the small bite on his leg.  "That wasn't nice, Xander.  You're not supposed to eat people."  The hyena growled at him.  He gave his best impression of Gibbs' glare.  The hyena backed down.  Soon a wobbly Daniel showed up.  "John's in the middle of a battle and he said you might know something about animal spirits that are taking you over?" he asked with a point.

He stared at it.  "That's John?  I would've expected some goofy looking hunting dog."

"No, that's Xander."

"Xander?"  He stared.  The hyena stared back.  He shrugged and leaned closer to it.  "You're scaring him."

"He bit me."

Daniel looked at his leg then at the beast again.  "That's not nice.  He'll pout."  The hyena sniffed him and chattered.

"He did that before he bit me."

"That's hunting noises."  Suddenly John was there, flopping onto his butt.  "Bad battle?"

"Yes.  But we won."  He looked at her, shifting closer and pulling her head around to pet her.  "You're a damn fussy bitch without your pack, Xander."  The beast groaned into his petting fingers.  "See, this is Tony, he's part of your pack.  That's Daniel, he's part of my pack."  Xander sniffed them both.  "Now, can I have the boy back?"  The hyena sniffed at him and groaned as it curled up in his lap.  He stared at the beast.  "We need to get you laid, Xander.  That way someone pets you more often.   Change back."  He was working on some semi-painful pressure points in the boy's neck.  Suddenly he did change back but he kept petting him.  "You need a new girlfriend."

"Can't find one," he muttered.  "Why are you petting me?"

"Because she climbed into my lap."  He gave him a small shove.  "There.  Apologize for biting Tony."

Xander looked at him.  "Sorry.  But hey, the rest of the pack ate our first principal."  He looked at Daniel.  "How did you get here?"  He pointed at Tony with a grin.  "Cool I guess.  Welcome to the family."  He shrugged.  "Tony, that warlord is getting annoying.  Thank you for reminding me how to make explosives."  He grinned and disappeared to break up the argument about how to bring him back to human.

John looked at Tony.  "Huh?"

"He's in Africa."

"That explains almost nothing."

"The tribe he's with right now has a problematic warlord who wants to take their village for warriors and to be used."

"So Xander gallantly defended them?" Daniel guessed.

"I'm thinking he snuck in and blew something up," Tony admitted.  He stood up so he could pull up John.  "Thanks.  I didn't want him to eat me."

"That would suck, yeah," he agreed.

"Does Xander know a lot about spirit animals and possessions?"

"What he learned because that was his first of two," John told him.  "He wandered into that one by accident.  Literally."

"That doesn't surprise me about your cousin, John."  John just smirked.  "Battle?"

"Fixed.  New ZPM's are at hand.  I'm presently probably knocked out again."  He smirked and disappeared, waking up moaning and holding his head.  Rodney was checking him over.  "Hey."

"Why did you pass out?"

"Tony had to call right then," he said dryly.  "Because Xander's stuck in a problem."

"Are we going to be gating out?" he demanded dryly.

"No.  We'll be there soon enough.  He's in Africa anyway."  He sat up, holding his head.  "Are we back?"

"We are.  You passed out here in the hall."  He helped him stand up.  "You should get that checked out."

"I'm fine.  Thank you though.  Oh, Jackson said hi."  He walked off rubbing his forehead.

Woolsey, the new head of Atlantis stopped him in the hallways.  "You passed out, you should be in the infirmary."

"I'm fine."  He walked around him.  "I'm going to take a nap since I haven't in a few days.  I'll be fine when I wake up."

"There's irregularities in your file," he said, watching him walk off.

John stopped to look at him.  "What sort?"

"You're listed as being in a battle while you were here."

"I was there.  I gated back to help a cousin who needed it.  Ronon went with me."

"I see.  Who allowed that?"

"General O'Neill.  He called me."

"I suppose that's reasonable since it's family."

"Anything else?"

"You're showing signs of severe PTSD, Colonel."

"No, I'm not."

"You're having nightmares."

"From my cousin's battle.  Not from up here.  If you want to know something about that, ask Jackson or O'Neill.   They're in charge of the coverup of that battle."

"It happened in the US?" he demanded.

"Yup."  He smirked.  "It did.  SGC was on hand to make sure it didn't spread."  He walked off again.  "I'm going to rest.  I'll be up in about two hours if anyone needs me."

"I want you to get clearance from the base psychologist," Woolsey ordered.

John paused to look back at him.  "She already knows.  I talked to her about my cousin and how frustrated he made me because he's stubborn and went into that battle two weeks after losing an eye."  Woolsey shuddered.  "And fully expected to fight like normal.  Without working on any compensation skills, no painkillers, nothing like that.  She caught me screaming in frustration at him.  That's why O'Neill calls him my nutjob, stubborn cousin.  He agrees with Xander though, I'm a saner earlier prototype.  Xander's the flawed beta version."  He finished his trek back to his room.

Woolsey went to talk to the base's psychologist.  "Is John Sheppard fit for duty?" he asked bluntly.

"Has his cousin called up again?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Then he's fine.  Every time Xander steps into sight because he needs him, John tends to go a bit strange, then he calms down afterward and quits ranting about his cousin's friends, former girlfriend, and the insanity in his life."

"That battle?"

"Highly classified.  O'Neill sent me a personal message saying anything I heard about it was to be totally classified, even beyond doctor's privilege.  He said even the president doesn't have a full report on it.  Mostly because he didn't want to know.  Other than that, Sheppard's fine, Woolsey.   He's missing some sleep due to various mental intrusions he can't block out well enough at the moment.  Teyla was working with him on that.  Mostly to mediate deep enough to either mimic sleep or to shut down those thoughts long enough."

"Dangerous ones?"

"I think it has to do with his cousin's last battle and the energy release at the end.  I'm not totally sure.  I know he was warned that his cousin Xander is probably going to be absent for the next one so he may have to step into his place if it gets as bad as they think.  From what he muttered last time he thinks it'll be a foothold situation."

"Does his cousin work at the SGC?"

"No.  He's in Africa right now having some heavy thoughts.  I know nothing about his cousin beyond the fact that he's now grieving for an ex-fiancee that he lost in that battle.  He's also worried about how Xander's going to be dealing with the thoughts he has.  He did say he was having pretty standard post-battle lack of calming down in some ways.  Basically he walked off from his current job, sort of, and went to Africa to wander, think, and find some missing people for the people he works for."

"I see.  Is he military?"

"No clue," she admitted.  "I know O'Neill wanted me to profile him in case he wanted to join.  I know before the last battle his cousin's eye was destroyed and had to be removed.  I know that O'Neill's been looking at Xander for recruiting purposes for a few years now.  I'm not sure if the last battle he saw or the injury made him want him more or less.  That was not shared with me."

"So he's a combat veteran?"

"He was in that same battle.  It happened in his town.  That's all I know about the boy, Woolsey."  She shrugged.  "I can't tell you what I don't know."

"Fine.  Is there any reason to remove Sheppard from duty?"

"No."

"Better news at least.  This cousin is dragging him down?"

"It's family.  To some that's more important than duty."  Woolsey snorted but left.  He'd be talking to the Colonel later about his apparent split loyalties.  She sent a message for John about the talk they'd just had.  That way he was warned and could make up his own cover-up.  There was no way she'd tell someone like Woolsey that Sheppard was having prophetic dreams.

***

John walked into the office later, putting down a picture.  "If you're that concerned, that's a picture of my fifth cousin, Xander."  He stared at him.  "You have no need to look into him, Woolsey.  He does what the family wants and I'm sorry if you don't like that.  Yes, sometimes I have to help but that's only for emergencies.  Like that battle."

"He's a civilian."  He pushed it back.

"Yes he is."

"How was he in a battle?"

"It happened in his town.  He was on the protection patrol there for years.  It wasn't his first battle."

"His town didn't have officers?  They went back to the Old West?"

"Their officers were so bad, they tried to arrest two marines for having dinner at a burger joint and talking about football right before the battle."  Woolsey grimaced at that.  "Were going to put them into the jail that no one survived, literally, and keep them there for 30 days."

"Why did no one survive it?"

"Because they didn't want them to."  He walked off.  "Leave my cousin alone or I'll let him warp you to the point where you think fairies are talking to McKay."

"They do?" he called after him.

"You'd have to ask him, sir.  I'm going to warp him by introducing them sometime soon.  Ronon's met him too."

"That's interesting to note.  Wouldn't someone have stepped in to investigate that jail?" he muttered to himself.  He decided to send an inquiring email to General Landry.  What he got back surprised him.

//We leave Harris, Summers, Summers, Rosenburg, Giles, and Lehane the hell alone, Woolsey.  Permanently.  If they want to join, we applaud and bark.  Until then they're taking some of our job from us and it's good they have it so we don't have to.  As for that battle, it was bad enough that it destroyed the town it happened in down to the dirt.  There's almost nothing left in the town.  No heavier weapons were used but it was destroyed.  Sheppard is allowed to jump into anything that they critically need them for because Harris is his cousin and helps handle things that give ME nightmares.

Also, if he's having problems sleeping, let me know so I can send up more of the sleeping pills he was using before the battle.   O'Neill and Carter both said that they worked well.  We know that the next problem will be in LA, Sheppard will be there and if Ronon Dex is around we'd like to borrow him too.  Possibly Teyla as well if she's free.  We'll call him suddenly like last time since Harris is out of the country at the moment doing whatever in Africa.  I will say this final thing: Jackson said that Harris is amusing, scary, intelligent in field and people ways but not book smart, and he has a smart mouth that made O'Neill seem tame at times.  He said if he had to fight with that group, he wanted him at his back.  Leave Sheppard alone about all of his family, Woolsey.  That is an order.//

"That tells me nothing," he complained to the monitor.

McKay walked in and looked at him.  "You're pissing Sheppard off again and it's setting off machines we'd like to keep shut down.  Do you mind not bothering him about that insane cousin who seems to do the impossible and dates very bad women that warp him even further from sanity?"  He huffed off again.

"McKay."  He glared but came back.  "I was worried that Sheppard isn't sleeping due to what seems to be PTSD nightmares.  That he's not fit for duty and putting people in danger.  How close am I to what is going on?"

McKay started to laugh.  "He's got some battle trauma.  We all do.  Nothing is going to stop him from being able to handle the daily problems and attacks we have around here.  He came back from that last battle worn out and still jumped into the one that attacked here a bit earlier than we expected.  The nightmares aren't about the battle."

"What are they about?"

"I can't tell you that.  It's none of my business."  He stared at him.  "Beyond that, I doubt you could keep him and his cousin from talking.  He probably settles the insane one down.  He has said that some distant aunts want him to consider being married to him as well."

"So they're not close cousins."

"Fifth cousins I heard."

"Anything else you know?"

"We wouldn't be here if his type hadn't done what they had to do," he said simply.  "None of us."  He walked off again.  He ran into John in the mess.  "He's still prodding.  I told him to leave Xander alone too.  That none of us would be here if it wasn't for his type."

"None of my family took part in the really bad things until Xander jumped in."  He sat down with his tray.

"I did tell him that the nightmares you suffer from aren't from that battle."  John shrugged at that.  "He's digging hard."

"He'll be burying himself in the dirt too.  I doubt Tony will let him dig toward him or Xander."  He smirked.  "Or O'Neill."

"For some reason they like the insane one.  Where is he now?"

"Still in Africa.  I think near Nairobi."

"That's supposed to be very pretty country.  Fairly hard to live in but a lot of people want to visit there.  They say it's nearly spiritual getting back to their roots or some such."

"They do.  I know he's been talking with a few shaman about his spirit animal.  The thing's nearly vicious if it doesn't like you."  He ate a bite.  Rodney gave him a funny look.  "I'll tell you after I introduce you two."

"Thank you for threatening my life yet again.  I nearly missed it," McKay said dryly.

"It's not always like that and it's not Sunnydale, Rodney.  Sunnydale was a constant threat to everyone's life, but the new place in Cleveland isn't too bad yet.  Now, LA, when it goes up, yeah, I'll have to be there."

"Why?" he asked, staring at him.  He glanced around then looked at him again.  "Why you?"

"Family duty."

"You said they never dealt with anything that hard."

"We didn't.  Then Xander showed us how bad it could be.  A lot of the family didn't believe him so he did some of it without backup outside of his team.  I would've been there.  No one deserves to spend their graduation ceremony in a battle for their lives."

"They did?" he asked quietly.

"Yup."  He ate a bite of food.  "I like Xander as a person and as a cousin.  I respect him even if he does have the worst taste in women.  We're all worried who's going to give him kids some year."  He ate another bite.  "Fortunately the arms dealer and person capturing people for that warlord where he is only wanted him for some fun."

"Who was his last one?" McKay asked.  "Charles Manson?"

"I don't know if he'd go for guys.  I know her name was Anya Emmerson.  She used to go by the name Anyanka in her younger days."  He ate another bite.  Then he smirked.  "She liked to torture men who cheated on their girlfriends and things like that.  He said she shared a lot."

Rodney's fork dropped.  "Someone in Languages ran into a mention of her.  He was laughing about it until one soldier reminded him of the rules of Karma," he hissed.

John nodded.  "Sounds like her, yeah.  Things like that happen around Xander."  He stared at him.  "All the time."  He finished his tray of food.  "You know, O'Neill wanted to recruit him to join us.  Said he'd have fun out here and get along very well."

"He'd be another soldier I suppose since he's not exactly a scientist."

"True but he has studied some weapons.  He's also a sci-fi and comic geek.  He's come up with some ideas that are more than a bit strange but they worked."

McKay moaned, shaking his head.  "With our luck, he'd encourage Radek's strange ideas that he's trying to hide again."  He finished his food and pushed the tray aside.  "Please don't bring him up here?"

"The aunts are getting kind of pushy," he admitted.

"You couldn't have him on base and admit to it."

"Which is why neither of us have woken up in chains."

"How would that carry on the family?"

"A few of the female cousins would volunteer.  There's some that're even more distantly related than I am.  That way you'd have a bonded team helping things when necessary."

"I can see why.  Your cousin's still very strange."

"Yes he is," John agreed.  "He's still a nice, goofy, sweet guy most of the time."

"A lot like you then," he said dryly.  "Does he have the same bad hair you do?"

"No, his was shaggy the last time I saw him.  He doesn't really care about fashion, his hair, any of that.  Oh, the new ascended that someone caught watching you?  That's his ex-girlfriend Cordelia."  He got up and took their trays to the window then went back to his quarters.  Not like he had a lot to do today.  He could do reports in there.

McKay considered that implication.  That meant the boy had some sort of ascended knowledge probably.

Cordelia faded in next to him, poking him hard on the shoulder.  "I gave him up back in high school."  He gaped in horror at her.  "Really, I did."  She gave him a smug look.  "Remind flyboy that we'll need him in LA in about four months?  He'll need some stamina work.  And then he'll have to duck the aunts who want to lock him in a room with seventeen women and pump in sex gas.  That way there's someone to calm down the future generations and to be the family's chosen warrior."  She faded out again.

"Who was that?" Woolsey asked from the doorway.  "How did she get up here?"

"She's an ascended.  The goofy haired bastard's cousin used to date her."  He got up and went to find Sheppard, finding him in his room.  "He warped an ascended too.  She said you've got four months to get ready for whatever is going to happen in LA.  She suggested some stamina work because your insane aunts want you to procreate with about seventeen women and aren't above drugging you after locking you in a room."

"Sounds like a few of the aunts," he said dryly.  "Any other news?"

"What is going to happen in LA?"

"Something so changing that we're hoping the average person can ignore it."

"Why?"

"Because someone's going to come visiting and it's not a good thing.  They're doing it to cause a panic.  Therefore a bunch of us are going to converge and deal with it before it gets out of hand."

"Need backup?"

"It'll be a battle, Rodney.  A real, bad, very long battle."  McKay slumped.  "If you can come up with a good weapon I can carry that'll take out something huge that will want to eat me, please do."

"Are they that tough?"

"Some are."

Rodney sighed but nodded.  "I'll see what I come up with.  Just you?"

"They said Ronon could come back."

"Fine."  He went to think in his lab while he tinkered.  A hand-held, easily carry-able weapon that could take out a problem the size of a semi that was rampaging wasn't an easy design.  Most of what he could build would be too heavy and need a vehicle to mount it on.

***

Tony called a few contacts from his cellphone while sitting in the park outside work.  "Guys, it's Tony DiNozzo."

"Problems with your cousin again?" one younger male voice asked.

"No, not this time.  Head's up from him and others.  LA is going to have a huge problem in about four months.  We're talking on the news, military necessary huge problem."  He spotted someone coming his way.  "I thought you guys might want to hear so you could maybe be close enough to help.  From what I understand, it'll take about six hours.  Someone's coming.  Later."  He hung up.  "Hey, Abby."

"Gibbs is looking for you."

"I'm on lunch.  He could've tried calling."

"I needed outside anyway," she admitted, sitting next to him.  "So, what big secret is going on?  No one's telling me anything.  I'm not in trouble, right?"

"No.  Not in trouble.  Right now, we're dealing with family things that're about to come to a head in LA sometime soon.  I need to get a more exact date so I can take some time off."  His phone rang with a text message in Latin.  He answered back in the same language and got an instant one of 'holy shit'.  He smiled as he put up his phone.  "Acquaintance of the family."

"That's fine.  So what's going on?"

"Just some family level drama.  Some distant cousins and I are going to be gathering to diffuse it.  We hope."

"Uh-huh.  You've been talking to Air Force people, Tony.  Are you planning on leaving NCIS?"

He stared at her then grinned.  "No.  Not at the moment.  If She Who Barks gets in my way over this, maybe, but not right now."

"Good.  We'd miss you."  She gave him a hug and bounced off.  She still didn't know anything but it was good it wasn't about her.

Tony glanced around before calling them again.  "Okay, Abby's bouncing off for a Caf-Pow.  Do we need to know who to talk to out in LA?"

"Please," the gruffer voice said.

"His name is Wesley Pryce.  He's at the Hyperion.  Look under investigations."

"I can call him.  When?  Do we have an estimate beyond four months?"

"Not that I've heard.  I need a better date range myself for leave paperwork.  If you hear, let me know."  He smiled.  "The people who realize what's going on said it's going to be a disaster level fight this time.  Taking about six hours or so."

"That's something that'll make normals complain," the gruff voice said.

"Six hours?" a different younger male voice asked.  This one was a bit higher.

"Yup.  Six hours.  Through downtown LA."

"That's going to bring news coverage," the other young male voice sighed.  "We might have to handle it."

"That may be taken care of by some official sorts."

"They know about this stuff already?" the gruff voice asked.

"They were the fence to make sure Sunnydale didn't spread.  Handled the evacuation," he said, spotting the director watching him.  "I swear, NCIS is full of nosy people."

"It's because you're military cops," the gruff voice said.  "I'll call him and see if we can pull up anything."

"Please do.  I don't think the family library has anything.  It didn't even have Xander's former town in it.  They said it was a myth."

"It is to us too, but I know some have been to one," the gruff voice admitted.

"Our dad helped your cousin when he got hurt by that one woman," the higher pitched male voice said.

"I remember meeting him," Tony said with a smile.  "He nagged very well to make sure she was safely out of harm's way."

"Yup, he did that to us too," Dean sighed.  "Okay, so four months, be ready for how many?"

"I'm told it'll be like Niagra."

"That sounds like we need tanks," the higher pitched voice complained.

"We might," Tony agreed.  "But we have to do what we have to do."

"Agreed," the lower male voice said.  "Thanks for the head's up, man."

"Welcome."

"Is your cousin going to be there?"

"We're not sure.  He's in Africa at the moment hunting the missing girls."

"That's important," the gruff voice said.  "Any other cheery news that makes me want to set myself on fire?"

"The team out there will have backup from the same people who were in the last battle," Tony said subtly since she was coming over.

"All of them?"

"That're around."

"That's better news at least," the gruff voice said.  "Let me go bang my head against a wall before I find their number.  Boys, call me later tonight."  He hung up.

"Thanks for the warning," the higher pitched voice said.  "We'll see what we can do about showing up."  They hung up too.

Tony put his phone back in his pocket.  "Yes, Director."

"What are you talking about?"

"Some of my family is going to be mediating an issue during someone's family reunion.  Last time it was an all out war.  This time we're hoping of less problems but it's not looking that nice.  Gibbs already knows.  I'm waiting to hear a final date so I can do leave paperwork.  I was gathering some backup from people who understood the situation."  He stood up.  "Other than that, I'm taking lunch.  Excuse me, I can hear the coffee bar calling my name."  He walked off, mentally grumbling.  He felt the mental poke meaning someone was trying to dream walk and talk to him.  So maybe he'd take a short nap in Ducky's office.  He walked in past the ME, shut the door, and laid down on the couch.

"Anthony?" Ducky called.

"Need a kitty nap, Ducky."

"Fine.  Go ahead.  I'll send Jethro off if need be."  He shook his head, getting back to his current autopsy.

Tony let himself fall, coming in to find John and Xander waiting on him.  "Tell me it's not a huge problem?" he asked, spotting Xander's bruises.

"For me, yes.  For you, no.  John has to know because there's a commando unit in the way and one of them wears his boss's patch.  You need to know because the rest are supposedly not there."

"Wonderful.  Can you email me?"

"Nope."

"Okay, tell me what you have."  Xander told him all about the camp, drawing it out for him.  He shared everything he knew about the team, the problem people, and what he was doing at the moment.  Tony nodded, memorizing it.  Then Xander left so he went back to his body.  He woke up to find Ducky staring at him.  "I need Gibbs."

"You need help," he said bluntly.

"I was talking to my cousin," he said quietly.  "He's in Africa."

"Oh, that sort of thing.  All right.  I'll get Jethro."

Tony grinned, drawing things out and making notes for him.  Gibbs stomped in.  He held up the diagram.  "Someone captured a commando unit.  O'Neill needs to know.  One of them looks like they're wearing his patch.  The rest are disavowed."

Gibbs snatched it to look over.  "Xander?"

"Yeah."  He leaned back, staring at him.  "He said it's very bad and he can't sneak in to help them get free.  He said the guy's already killed one hostage he had taken last month.  They weren't pretty when they found the body.  Some of that was due to wild animals that didn't find him *after* they dropped him off, boss."

"Let me call someone in the know."  He went to his desk to find their number then walked off dialing it.  He even took the stairs, hitting send once he made it outside.  "It's Jethro Gibbs at NCIS.  DiNozzo just got a head's up from his cousin who's in Africa.  He said there's a team over there that's on a disavowing mission that's been captured.  Including one of O'Neill's pet people.  I'm outside.  Come get the notes."  He hung up on the spluttering.  Twenty minutes later a general stomped up to him.  "Sir," he said, saluting him.

"Gibbs, what is going on?"

"DiNozzo's cousin Xander Harris is in Africa at the moment for work and personal reasons."

"One of them," he moaned.

"He contacted his cousin by...unusual means to get this information to you ASAP, General."  He handed it over.  "From him to Tony to me to you."

He read it over, nodding at the points.  "I can let the right people know.  Good work from DiNozzo, Gibbs.  Thank you."

"He said he has no way of helping at the moment.  Mentioned some wild animals he might be keeping as well."

"That's in here.  I'll do what I can.  Thank you."  He walked off.

Gibbs sipped his newest coffee, calming himself down.  He hated it when teams like that got called on to do something illegal.  He turned to find his director staring at him.  "What?"

"What is going on with DiNozzo?  His family is mediating some other family's dispute in LA in a few months?"

"I've only heard minimal things about what's going to happen."

"Is there something special that should have been noted beforehand but got missed somehow?"

"His cousin in Africa is wildly insane but highly effective."  He walked around her, heading back to his desk.  "It hit the right ear, DiNozzo."

"Thanks, boss.  I'm sure they'll appreciate that.  By the way, the last guy who was bothering the tribe Xander was working with?  He thanked me for reminding him how to build argument stoppers."

"Would that be the ultimate argument stopper?" McGee asked from his desk, looking over at Tony.  "Because no one can argue with their brains on a wall?"

"That and all the other bits and pieces as well," Tony agreed.

"Why did he need that?" McGee asked.

"He's on working sabbatical in Africa."

"Never mind.  Enough said," McGee told him.  "We've heard how things are going in some parts due to wars and other problems."

"One tried to get him."  He looked at Gibbs.  "I'm finding a more conclusive date for the family squabble mine will have to stop, boss."

"Good.  I don't want to have to transfer you out three for three weeks, DiNozzo.  Your paperwork would back up."

"Want to come with me, boss?  We might need some extra help pulling the parties apart."

"I don't think I'm ready for that sort of battle," Gibbs said, glaring at him.  Tony shrugged.  "If it gets that bad, I do want to hear.  I can probably pass it on."

"Daniel and his people will be there, boss."

"Even better.  Hopefully they'll bring you more backup?"

"No clue yet.  I'll let you know when I know."

"Fine.  Get back to work so you don't have to leave with a full desk."

"Sure, boss, just like always," he quipped.  He pulled out a snack bar to eat while he worked.  Gibbs gave him a dirty look.  "My lunchtime calling kept getting interrupted."

"Fine."

***

John looked up from his staring at the Bay in San Francisco, where Atlantis was currently parked, when arguing came closer.  "What are you three fighting about?" he demanded since it was his soldiers.

"We're here on earth and can't even get a tv that works," one complained.

"Digital conversion, guys.  From what I've seen about it, we need a special box to get over-the-air antenna signals now."

"Who thought that up?" one complained.

"Congress.  So they could make some money auctioning off those airwaves."

"Dirt.  How do we get a box?"

"Any electronics store," he said with a shrug.  "Ask the people in charge if they can send one maybe."

"Thanks, sir.  I have a friend on base.  Maybe she'll send one to us."  He went to write her.  It was definitely faster and easier to send emails since they were on the same planet.

The two remaining ones stared at him.  "Are you all right, sir?"

"I'm good."  He turned to look at him.  "Wondering what a few cousins are up to at the moment and how soon we can get leave so I can go surfing."  They smiled as they walked off.  John went to the lab, finding Radek mumbling to himself in there.  "Hey, Radek?  Some of the guys were wondering about the digital conversion thing going on for tv signals.  Can you make a box any cheaper than they can buy them?"

He looked at him.  "What?"

"No more antenna signals without a way to convert analog to digital signals."

"Oh, that nastiness.  Have heard it was bad," he said with a hand wave.  "Boxes can be bought."

"Yeah but I doubt they'll work with some of the monitors we have converted to tv's around here," he said, leaning his hip against a table.  "Some of the guys were fighting about it."

"I'll see if there are plans.  If so, perhaps.  Not like we're doing so much work right now."

John smiled and patted him on the back.  "Thanks, Radek.  It'll make the guys very happy."

Rodney stomped in.  "We're on Atlantis.  We can get satellite broadcasts.  I just pointed that out to the idiots and retuned the tv's to do so.  That way no one can complain about anything except fighting over what to watch."  He came to get to work.  "Any other mealy minded problems that have caught your attention?"

"I haven't heard from Xander in over a week.  I'm not sure why."  Rodney shuddered.  "I'm due to hit LA for their problem in about two weeks."  He shrugged.  "I can go find or make a problem if you want."

"Please don't.  I still have work I can finish."

"Fine."  He walked off smirking.  Rodney wasn't really worked up but having tv available would make some of the people more content.  For a while.  He finished some paperwork then went to his quarters to try to reach Xander again.  He had no idea what he was doing but he wasn't really sure he wanted to know at the moment.

***

John got the email from Tony with the date and probable time of the invasion, sighing in displeasure.  He went to talk to Woolsey, who was being bugged by Daniel.  "One week and six days?"

"We've already got some people in place," he assured him.  "Are you showing up?"

"It's the family's duty.  Tony and I will both be there.  So will Don and a few other cousins, plus whoever they've told who might be able to help.  Any indication if we've blown this out of proportion?"

"No, not that we've seen," he admitted.  "Sorry."

"That's not your fault.  I'd like to throttle the idiots who're doing it, but unless we can find them soon that's probably not an option."

"Probably not," he agreed.

"I'll leave the day before so I get there in plenty of time if I have to drive."

"We'll be coming to get you the morning before.  Jack said so and Landry got told why.  He took a roll of tums and went to the infirmary."  John smirked and nodded.  "So you can travel with us."

"What is this situation?" Woolsey asked.  "Why is he being called from his post?"

"It's his family's duty," Daniel told him.   "They've handled these sort of issues for years."  He looked at John again.  "Anything you'll definitely need?"

"Weapons?"

"Jack's taking care of it."

"Backup in case of the worst coming?"

"If he has to he can mobilize out there."

John nodded.  "I've been practicing.  I hope I can last all six hours or however long it takes with the cleanup."

"By then we might be able to switch out some people for those who've been patched up," he offered.

"That might help.  I'll pack the night before you guys show up.  Find me in my rooms if I'm not out there."  Daniel nodded so he left him alone, going to find Ronon.  "Are you coming with me to LA?"

"Yes I am.  That sounds like it will be worse than the last one."

"From what I hear, yes.  Pack weapons.  We're talking about six hours of fighting."  Ronon grimaced but went to pick which weapons he was bringing.  He wasn't sure all weapons were reasonable in this case.

***

Tony looked at the wave of demons coming toward where they were waiting.  "Shit," he said.  Which was what he was trying desperately not to do.  Even a butt plug wouldn't keep him from shitting himself this time.  He moved forward, his sword in his hand.  His gun was in his other hand.  He had some spare clips and some extra bullets in his pockets.  "For this, I want Xander," he complained.

John looked over from where he and Ronon were fighting the first few demons.  "I want some Marines.  Preferably all of them."

"No doubt."  Tony killed that one and moved up.  He was not trained for this.  He really wasn't.  Within a few minutes his phone rang.  "What?" he demanded since it was an unfamiliar number.  The caller identified himself as the local NCIS branch chief and wanted to know if he knew why military units were mobilizing without orders.  "Turn on the tv.  It's probably all over the local news by now," he said then hung up.  "We're getting military help," he called over.

"Thank you, God!" John yelled, then ducked a heavy swing by a paw to move and take that paw off before killing the beast.  He got most of the way through the paw and had to settle for shooting it.  "How do we plug the hole?" he called when he spotted Daniel.

"Kill the portal with a lot of force according to Fred," he called back.  "Jack's got it."

"Even better."  He kicked one and moved under its new swing and grab attempt to kill it and move on.  They ran into the Winchester boys fighting something and took out the ones trying to help the demons, getting a nod of thanks and a panting wave from them.  "C'mon, military's coming," John told them.  They nodded, following them.

"Can I wish for a flamethrower?" Sam called over.  "Please."  He beheaded another demon while Dean shot one and stabbed another in the chest.

"Go right ahead.  If the weapons fairy shows up, send her my way," John called, pausing to reload.  "Thank god I did stamina work for the last four months."  He felt the tickle of contact from one of the other cousins and groaned.  "Not now," he muttered, pushing it away.  His phone rang with a text message.  He looked at it.  "Daniel!" he called, tossing his phone at him.  He had to run to get it but nodded at that information, passing it on.  John got his first injury but he had to keep going.  He had promised to help protect the US when he joined the Air Force and the world when he was told about the family's ideals.  So he had to be here.  Ronon staggered as something hit him.  He shot his current one and went to check on him.  Ronon was fine after a minute and they moved on.  The slayers were a thing of beauty in battle, but they were also farther ahead.

"Harmless demons?" Ronon asked, pointing.

John looked then nodded.  "Sam!" he shouted, pointing.  "Helpful!"  Sam and Dean looked and avoided hurting that demon.  "Thanks, big guy.  You ready to move on?"  He nodded and they jumped back in by chasing one that was going to get away down an alley.

"I'm glad I'm not on cleanup," Daniel quipped as he killed his next one.

"They'll probably offer a deal.  Bring us a demon part, get thirty bucks," Sam Winchester called back with a smirk.  He pointed.  "Military!"

"Hopefully friendly.  Jack said he had mobilized some when he saw how bad it was."  He jogged over.  "Thanks for helping, guys.  Don't hit any of the humans taking them out.  Don't hit any of the demons helping us take them out.  Take down the portal."

"General O'Neill said he has that, sir."

"Wonderful."  He shot a demon trying to pounce one of the soldiers.  "There are some of them helping us take down this menace.  Take out anything that's being harmful.  If in doubt, let us handle it if you have to."  They nodded.  "They're starting to break the group apart."

"Got it," the commander said.  "Boys, go."  They ran off to help.  "Did we know this was going to happen?"

"We knew the ancient cult was going to do something.  That's why my military unit is here."

"Even better."  He went with him.  The general had said to get with this one and guard him because they'd all be coming for him.  "Who's that?" he asked with a point at Dean and Sam.

"Demon hunters.  They do it for a life's calling."

"Damn."

"Never this bad."

"I guess."  He moved to back up the linguist who was surprisingly tough for being a nerd.  He didn't want to know what the guy's usual unit did if it made their geeks that tough.  "I see agents," he reported.

Tony looked over.  "I told them that on this date or around it, there were reports that the secret cult that did this was going to try to pull something major but we weren't sure what," he panted.  "Not like I could tell them to prepare for a demon invasion."

"That's about what Jack did too," Daniel panted back.  "I'm either out of shape or we're in deep."

"We're in deep," Tony said dryly.  He waved at Ronon when John went down.  Ronon came back to get him back up.  "Captain, do you think we can take down the portal soon?"

"O'Neill's in charge of that, sir."

"It'll be going soon," Daniel assured him.  "Let's go on."  They kept going.  Their line was pretty effective at stopping the things that got around the slayers.

"Still want a flamethrower, Sammy?" Dean quipped, pointing at a demon that was on fire.

"Yeah."  He went to drive it back at the other demons.  It roared and ran away from him once it spotted him.  "Huh, okay."

"Scary rep is a bad thing," Dean reminded him, swatting him.

"Not my fault!"

"Can't be worse than Xander's," John called with a wicked smirk.  "Really."

"Your cousin's insane."

"Kinda but he's been doing this sort of demon hunting for years."

"That's a good reason for insanity," Daniel agreed.  He waved at a slayer.  "Medics," he called with a point.  There was an ambulance coming toward them carefully.  They ran for it to get some bandages and things.  The demons had thinned out a little bit.  The building went down with a scream of noise, making them all flinch.  Now it was a mop-up exercise.  When Daniel couldn't find anymore, he looked at his watch, leaning against a building.  "We heard estimates of six hours," he moaned, sliding down to sit.

Tony limped to where he was, hauling him up.  "You'll cramp, Daniel."  He walked him out.  John and Ronon had to leave the battle in the fourth hour to get patched up but they had come back within thirty minutes.  Dean and Sam were bruised, covered in pieces of slime, goo, and blood.  Some of it theirs.  They were checking each other over.  "Guys, medics are waiting to take care of us so we can fade more easily," Tony ordered.

"Can we trust them?" Sam asked.

"They're my people," Daniel told him.  They nodded and walked that way with them.  Ronon was leaning on John while putting pressure on a bite mark that was bleeding. "Medic tent," he ordered.  They nodded, trudging after them.

Jack came over to look them over.  "I need the bounciness of the slayers," he told Daniel, looking him over.  "They still have some energy left and I don't."

"They're younger and girls.  Of course they do," Dean quipped.  "I saw one slayer stop to pet a dog during the battle."

Jack smiled.  "I did too.  Buffy shrugged it off.  Said she was like that and her room had too many stuffed animals already."  He helped the medics clean up the injuries.  His had already been taken care of.  The slayers had made him sit still while the medics worked on him.  "We all good?"

"I need a vacation," Tony said.  "Far, far away from my director.  Because damned if I'm talking about this with her."

"She's already tried to call once," Jack told him.  "The agent she got hold of told her to butt out and it wasn't her business since it wasn't in DC.  Then he hung up on her."

"She'll growl at Gibbs, who will tell her what we knew in advance, and she'll only rant and complain when I get back.  At least it's a small reprieve," Tony decided.  "If she annoys me too much I'll start traveling to handle demon things."

John snickered.  "Woolsey," he said at Jack and Daniel's looks.  They both snickered.  "His head's probably about to pop off from the ranting and pressure."

"McKay did call," Jack admitted.  "He called Carter, which is why she showed up.  She's with the slayers helping them treat each other.  Carter said he was swearing in Czech.  So apparently he picked up some bad habits off Zalenka."

John snickered.  "Figures."  He patted himself down.  "I lost my phone somewhere, General."

"Found it already.  Someone turned it in.  It was in the med tent."  He tossed it over.

John dialed the one McKay had.  "We're both a bit banged up but okay.  We'll be back tomorrow after debriefing.  No, I'm not going to listen to Woolsey bitch.  I'm too tired to.  Any points you want to make beyond this, McKay?"  He listened for a second to the spluttering.  "Good!"  He hung up.  "He's incoherent."

"That's a bad sign," Ronon said, grimacing.

"Yup.  Want to take an extra day, Ronon?"

"You can come fill out reports at the base," Jack promised dryly.

"That'll work.  Give them time to calm down.  You can tell Woolsey whatever you want.  I told him it was a family fight that had to be stopped during a reunion.  That was Tony's cover story to his people."

"I'll tell him what he needs to know," Jack promised.  "You two more than chewed on and clawed up?"

"Limping but able to move, sir.  If you put us in the infirmary, McKay and Teyla will bitch and get thrown out many times before they calm down."

"We have tranquilizer darts," Daniel quipped.  "Doctor Lam's already found them.  Cam!" he called, spotting him. "Teal'c?"

"Good.  Few cuts, one bad one.  Already stitched and healing."  He came over to look at them.  "You?"

"Sore," he admitted.

"I'm all for finding a hotel that has a jacuzzi for tonight," Tony said.  "Maybe a few hot tubs.  Some nice showers."  He laid back down, holding his head.  "I hate head injuries."

Jack came over to look at him.  "Gibbs called and said you had better not be ruined for duty."

"He nags, I'm going to pack my mustang and travel the way the Winchesters do."

"The pay sucks," Dean called over.  "You'd hate it."

Jack smirked.  "Don't worry about your rooms tonight, guys.  We'll handle that."  They grinned at him.  "We're commandeering  somewhere.  The local agents already have."  He hauled Tony up, watching him sway.  "When did you get hit on the head?"

"About an hour ago.  I kept going.  I feel like I should put on one of Xander's ugly shirts and see if there's any evil girls around."  He walked off holding his head.  He ran into one of the ranting agents.  "Shut up!" he shouted.  "At least I sent on a warning that something was happening.  Not like we could warn for a demon invasion and have you listen!"  The agent shut up and shrank back.  "I'm told we have places to clean up and cool down?  Can I get a ride please?"

"This way, sir."

"Special Agent DiNozzo, NCIS."

"I heard my boss talked to yours and told her to watch the news if she wanted to know what was going on."  He let him get into one of their SUV's, taking him to the hotel they had claimed for their use.  They got him checked in and tucked in.  He went back to the main medical tent, finding the general there.  "Sir, will we have more problems?"

"From this?  You already had a good sized population that was living peacefully, kid."  He looked at him.  "From this there'll be more people who know so some of the peaceful ones might get hunted down.  I don't know."

"The group that did this?"

"Gone," Daniel told him.

The agent considered it.  "Sir, the thing that happened to Sunnydale last year?  Could it be related?"

"Different problem, same people fighting it.  Winning meant that the portal closed and sucked," Daniel said bluntly.  He slid off the table with a groan, letting Jack steady him.  "Let me go clean up."

"We've got a nice hotel with a good pool and gym to set you guys in.  We didn't know how some people wanted to calm down."  That got a smile and a nod.  "Anyone else need a ride?"

"We've got our own," Dean told him.  "Black '67 Impala."

"Sir, we did find your car.  She's safe but about a mile back.  Let us give you a ride to her? Then you can follow us to the hotel."

"I can accept that," Sam admitted with a groan.  "I'm starting to stiffen up already."  Dean nodded he'd accept the lift back too.  "How goes the clean up?"

"It's going to be a long few days," the agent admitted.

"Sam quipped earlier about having a hand over program," John said.  "Give over a demon part, get twenty bucks or something."

"That's not a bad idea but we don't know if there's any sort of blood disease that might hurt people."

"Probably not but make sure everyone knows to wear gloves and masks around them," Jack ordered.  "I'll put that in the next special broadcast."  He saw Cam Mitchell texting that to someone.  "Thanks, Cam."

"Least I can do so you don't break your phone," he said dryly.  "Let me catch a ride too.  The girls are at the Hyp...."  He looked at the agent.

"We saw the girls going to the Hyperion.  I thought it was a private business."

"Of people who do the same thing," Cam told him.  "The girls told us and then a few gushed about trying to hit on Connor for some reason."  He shrugged.  "He's not my type," he said when Jack looked at him.

Jack snickered.  "I wouldn't care if he was, Mitchell.  Within the unit, most of us don't care anymore after what we've seen."  He walked off with him.  "That's why Sheppard gets all the evil women who wanted to kill him."

"Hey!" John complained.

"You did."

"I dated good girls before then, sir.  It was being there.  Or the taint of Xander claiming I'm his older prototype."

"Jack, don't start unless you want me to tell him about some of them that wanted you," Daniel called back.  "That's why you're both earlier Xander prototypes."

Cam snickered.  "I'd like to meet that guy."

"He's Sheppard's nutjob, stubborn cousin who's in Africa."  He let them be taken to the hotel.  The bed was very nice and just what his old bones needed after a long, hot shower.

***

John walked back onto his base, staring at the people staring at him.  "Carter's behind me with stuff," he reported.  He watched Ronon walk down and wander off.  Most everyone got out of his way.  Teyla followed him to question him.  He stared at Woolsey.  "What?"

"What was that!" he demanded.

"An invasion of demons.  It was some cult's plan to take over the planet."  He helped Sam Carter with the three boxes she was carrying.  "Some frivolous things," he called.  People came to get it from him.  And one box that twinkled into existence at his feet.  He stared at it.  "Huh."

Sam Carter looked.  "It's addressed to you, John."

"It is."  He squatted down to open it, smiling at the note inside.  "He had Willow pack it.  It's from Xander."  He stood up and carried it to the mess since it probably had snack cakes.  He opened the inner box and pulled out the first mini-keg.  "I heard someone was making cans shaped like kegs."  It grew in his hand until he had to put it down with a grunt of pain.  "Damn."  He tipped it.  Full.  He pulled out the other five, putting them onto the floor when they started to grow too.  Underneath was bags of corn for popping, some shrunken bags of chips, and a good few shrunken boxes of hostess products.  "It's a Xander party kit," he said at the funny looks he was getting.  The rest got taken out and expanded.

"Your cousin is still insane," Ronon said as he came in.  "What are the metal things?"

"Kegs of beer."

"Those might be helpful.  Can we claim one?"

"They're full of beer, Ronon.  Share them," John said dryly.  He got a glass from the line and found the taps, installing it expertly.  Then he got the first cup.  It was good, cold beer.  "Good beer."  He walked off with a few boxes of snack cakes and a bag of chips to find his favorite spot to hide and watch the water.  "Xander thought we needed a party!" he called as he walked past the main gathering of people.  "Beer, chips, popping corn, and snack cakes."  They ran because they hadn't had any of those in a while.  He found a quiet spot and sat on it, opening his chips to nibble.  Yeah, his cousin was insane for doing this nightly for seven years.  John knew he was insane just from the two apocalypses so Xander had to be.  Having Willow send them treats for a 'whoo hoo, we saved the US' party had been a sign that his cousin needed a good woman who would calm him down.  He'd have to help Tony and Don find him one.

Sam Carter sat beside him.  "Your cousin's insane."   She handed him an extra large second glass of beer.

"It's seven years of doing that almost nightly and yearly apocalypses during it.  I've got to find him someone nice to date.  Someone supportive that'll help him pick out a normal identity to hide the hunting behind who'll stop him if he's too injured to go out."

"Someone who appreciates him because the girls didn't?" she suggested.  She had heard some of the slayers talking about Xander.

"Yup."  He took a drink of beer.  "I'm thinking over all my exes because they could put up with him if they liked me.  I think most of them are married now though."  He took another drink and let her have a chip.  "The general and Jackson hiding from the president?"

"Yup.  They're fishing."

"Good.  That'll help a lot.  Gives him time to calm down.  And everyone else."

"Some reporter did get wonderful shots of most of us.  Looked us up.  You were identified.  I was.  Tony was and so was Don.  Ronon was wondered about but they guessed he was part of you guys with the way he was fighting beside you.  They identified Jack and Daniel both.  Some of the girls too."

"It'll calm down.  People don't want to know about demons."

"There's a large undercurrent of supernatural belief at this time," she warned.

"I'm still here.  I can't use it to pick up women."  She laughed, shaking her head.  "Or use it to get Ronon laid so he relaxes again.  The girls were taunting and teasing him so much he wanted to spank.  He wasn't sure in what way...."  She cackled.  "I know at least two of them hit on him."

"It's good for him even if it does confuse him a little bit."  She rested against the building behind them.  "Now what?"

"Now, I'm here.  I'm going to find my cousin a better than average girlfriend so the aunts quit trying to get us together, and I'm not coming out unless we have another bad apocalypse."

"Good plan," she decided.  She stood up, looking down at him.  "Want company?"

"Not really but I'm guessing McKay will find me sometime and so will Ronon and Teyla."

"Probably," she agreed.  She walked off happier.  "Don't fall off.  Drowning would suck after the win yesterday."

"Yeah it would.  It'd mean no more easy girls too."  She snickered as she walked off.  He ate a chip.  "Girls love action heros."  He calmed himself down again.  It was time to relax back into his normal duties.

"Where is Sheppard!" Woolsey demanded when he spotted Carter.

"Calming down.  He's having a big think trying to set up his cousin with someone.  He's fine and you'll be able to find him when you need to."  She ran into McKay, who was complaining loudly about something.  She put a hand over his mouth with an evil smirk.  "People are wondering how they opened a portal to another dimension that had demons without a stargate malfunctioning.

"Someone's already asked me how they did it.  They also asked me if I could quantify magic into real science.  Since it came from someone in the Pentagon and Area 51, I delegated.  Have fun with that.  Think about it like a new project."  She walked off with the most evil smirk ever seen from her on Atlantis.

"Thank you very much," he shouted after her.  "Like I don't have enough work?"

"Nope, not really," she shot back.  "He's thinking."

"I'll find him later."

"Find him now so I can get a report," Woolsey demanded.

McKay looked at him.  "What did you need a report on?  There was an invasion.  His family handles demon things so they don't come to public notice.  He was called in to help with that apocalypse and the last one some of them caused.  If you want more than that, go watch the news!"  He huffed off, making the others around him laugh.  He didn't want to figure out how magic worked.  It was not a field that interested him in the least.

It was totally illogical and rested on things like belief and special chanting.  He ran into one of his scientists that was borderline competent, most of the time.  "Figure out how to work that portal for someone in Area 51.  Carter delegated and it's not my field."  The poor man groaned and made whining noises.  "Tough."  He walked off again.  "Radek, if you want you can help him," Rodney offered.

"No thank you."  He sipped his own drink of beer.  He didn't want his name attached to anything like that.  He looked at that poor man.  "We did notice that a few people were there doing about the same thing with fires and lightening, or so it looked like.  You might ask her if she has any idea.  I believe the newscaster identified her as Willow Rosenburg?"

"She's with the Council," Sam agreed from her seat.  "With the slayers."  The scientist huffed off in another direction to complain to his friends.  "Not going to help, Radek?"

"I do not want to be associated with that.  Thankfully McKay delegated before he figured out how to do the impossible to make us all swear more."  He got more beer and went to find his own place to take that bad, evil thought out of his head.

Sam got another glass of beer to take the thought of McKay doing magic out of her head.  Yeah, that was a bad one.  He might try to stalk her again or something.

***

John looked up from his semi-drunken thoughts as Xander appeared on the dream plane.  "Hey."

"Hey," Xander said, sitting next to him.  "Thanks for being there for the girls."

"Not an issue.  It had to be done.  So, how was your day?"

"I was dealing with a Native American demon that somehow showed up in Africa."  John snorted, shaking his head.  "And two more parties that wanted to take the slayer I'm working with hostage.  They went bye-bye, she cried about it but does know it's better if they don't capture her for fun and games.  Then we handled the demon that wasn't supposed to be anywhere near there but was visiting a cousin demon so they could take over the same tribe."

"Interesting day for you then," John shot back dryly.

"Kinda.  You okay?"

"I'm fine.  A few new scars to add to the collection."  He looked at him.  "Now I know why you didn't want me asking about yours."

"Yup."  He smirked a tiny bit.  "The loud one bothering you?"

"He found me earlier to rant.  I had a glass of beer while watching him rant.  Then I told him to sit down, shut up, and calm down again.  It was over with and we think the rest of them will be lesser."

"I haven't seen anything."

"Good!"

Xander gave him a shoulder nudge.  "Could be worse.  They could've wanted you for a concubine."

"Don't even suggest that!  One of them might!"

"Yeah, a few want me that way too," Xander said with a grin.  "Buffy went on an 'eww' fit the last time someone told her that."

John snickered.  "I think her 'eww' fits and McKay's ranting fits would get along wonderfully."

"She likes dangerous guys.  So if that big guy Ronon is free...."  John swatted him.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  You doing okay in Africa?"

"I'm good.  There's no girls nagging me.  The slayers I've worked with have tried and then I proved myself to them so they quit fairly quickly.  That 'he's normal' thing cropped up a few times," he said at the look he got given.

"Well, you are.  I am, you are, Tony and Don are."

"Yeah but us normal people have to do it sometime too and they have to accept that without nagging.  I couldn't stand it when Buffy and Willow did it.  They nearly killed what little self-esteem I had left.  I think I got most of it back from my road trip."

"Huh?"

"I found people who thought I was good for something, competent in what I could do, and pretty damn hot when I had to take those few turns on the stage that night."

John shook his head quickly.  "I don't want to know."

"I'm not sharing it anyway," he assured him with a smirk.  "Otherwise, how's San Fran?"

"Beautiful but we don't get out yet."

"Pity.  The big music festival is soon."

John smirked.  "I might see if we can be excused for some time off that way but we have to stay hidden."

"For now.  Though I'm guessing that the city will uncloak eventually when something huge goes on."

"Another vision?"

"Nope, just a hunch.  The huge storms that've been going on have been knocking out electricity."

"We don't run on electric, Xander."

Xander gave him another nudge.  "There's still electrical conduits from your ZPM to the rest of Atlantis, John."

"Oh, yeah, those things.  I'll remind McKay."

"Good."  He smiled.

"You seem happier.  Are you staying?"

"I don't think so.  I miss civilization already.  I miss tv and coffee really a whole lot."  John snickered and nodded he understood that.  "But I'm here for at least a few more months.  Even if I do have another rumor and nickname started about me.  The White Knight wasn't bad enough?"  He faded out.

John shook his head, going back to his sleep.  He needed to finish sleeping off the beer.  Then he could make McKay complain in the morning about the electrical systems needing shielded from storms.  He found himself back there a few hours later.  "You took me from a dream with bikini-wearing women who wanted me as a prize stud," he said bluntly.  "You mind?"

"Yes," the aunt said.  "You must mate so we have a future warrior."

He shrugged.  "I'm restricted to base.  We all are.  Beyond that, we're not sure if our last project warped any of that, Aunt.  Go nag someone else like Tony?"  He faded back into his own head.  Hey, the bikini-wearing amazons were still there.  Cool!  They liked guns too, so even better.

***

Tony got pulled into a dream talk, glaring at the aunt.  "I need that sleep!"

"Anthony, there is the other family duty."

"Which is wonderful, Auntie, but I've had the plague and right now I have a case that showed as soon as I made it back.  I need this sleep I'm getting behind my desk.  If I find a woman to knock up, I'll gladly do it and let Xander train them too."  He disappeared.

She huffed and tried the next one.

***

Xander got pulled back, looking around the realm then his aunt.  "Yes, Aunt Thelise?"

"Xander, you must honor the other family duty."

"The First Slayer said I'd never have children of my own," he said bluntly.  She groaned.  "If my future semi-evil girlfriend wants kids that badly, she can try to do it from a dish but I personally don't really want to breed.  I might have girls who're just as spoiled as my friends were.  I'll help teach any future cousins that come to be, but I doubt it'll happen with me.  Beyond that, you'd throw fits if I had kids with any of my sort of girl anyway."

She glared at him.  "You need to date better."

"Good girls don't like me."  He shrugged.  "I can't attract them and I'm not going to drive myself nuts or depressed trying to find an ideal girl who isn't slightly evil.  Especially since most are sometimes.  You want one from me that bad, hire a fertility specialist and ask for sperm.  Though I'd have to take any kids from you to raise so they weren't spoiled little bitches like some slayers are."  He disappeared.  He had to wake up and go beat his current slayer back into better behavior.  Somehow she was channeling Buffy again.  It'd get her dead out here in Africa if she was that spoiled.

***

The Aunts got together to talk about who needed what within the family.  They had all talked up Xander to their friends in the know.  None of them wanted to deal with his wilder streak.  So it looked like they'd have to set up someone to handle the personal issues for him.  There was John but he was good and could probably have many children to fight in the future.  Tony was cute but he might not be able to have children thanks to the plague and his boss.  So that was a possible plan as well.  Hmmm....

The End.

NC-17!

Chapter 4: Dealing With Doorways

(Thanks to Suprio for the name) NC-17!   When one door closes, another opens to a new lifelong journey.  Sometimes with some help from a few pushy aunts.

Tony walked into the dream plane, looking around frantically.  "John!" he shouted.  "We need some help!"

"Busy!" got called back.  "Aunts drugged me!"

Tony groaned, going to his 'spot' and tapping until John showed up.  Naked, hard, dripping with sweat, but there.  Tony was trying hard not to stare at him.  "The aunts drugged you?"

"Yeah, why?  What's wrong?"

"We can't get your people and have four of you in custody in our cells.  They're making threats and one threatened to blow your project open.  We don't have jurisdiction but if we hand them to CID they will let them spill."

"Call O'Neill," he said, looking distracted, back at his spot.  He should get back there.  Xander would catch cold with how sweaty he was.

"Can't.  He's not answering.  Jackson's out of town or wherever he goes when he disappears.  I don't know anyone else's number."

"You have my phonebook copied.  Call McKay.  Have him tell Woolsey."  He turned to look at his spot.  "You know, this is probably a bad idea," he said.

Tony held him from moving, looking into his eyes.  "If they did drug you, you can fight it, John."

"I am.  I haven't taken Xander yet."  He smirked.  "Yet."

"Uh-huh."  He patted him on the top of the head.  "Cold shower."

"Can't."  He walked that way, accidentally taking Tony with him, only with the way these things worked, he ended up in Xander and Xander on the dream plane or in Tony's body.  "Huh," he said, staring down at him.  "You're not Xander."

"No, I'm Tony.  His mind is really cluttered."  He concentrated, getting out and going to kick Xander out of his body.  He came back to himself, finding Gibbs staring at him.  "Sorry, boss.  Accidentally switched with Xander.  He gave me a better contact."  He dug into his desk drawer for the numbers he had copied from John's phone.

"What was wrong with your cousin?" he asked quietly.  "He moaned."

"The aunts drugged him to try to get him to marry John."  He shrugged.  He was feeling strange himself.  "If I suddenly go into heat, lock me somewhere," he ordered.  "I think some of the spell transferred."  He crowed when he found the list of numbers, finding one on it.  "Rodney McKay, Tony DiNozzo, NCIS.  Yes, John's cousin Tony.  No, I know where he is.  The aunts drugged him and Xander to try to get them to screw and be married that way.  We have four of your group's or your parent group's people in our cells due to various charges who're threatening to spill.  I can't reach O'Neill or Jackson.  They're out of contact."

He smirked.  "That's why I'm calling you.  I figure you can tell someone, they can tell someone.....  Thanks."   For some reason he was sweating.  He wiped it off.  "I think one of yours and three of theirs by the patches but I'm not totally certain."  He wiped off some new sweat.  "Gibbs, here at NCIS.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "Boss, he'll tell his project coordinator, who'll call their higher up."

"That'll work.  Why are you sweating?  The building's cold."

"I think they're sharing, boss.  When I went to talk to them I think some of the drugging herbs passed over.  Like I said, if I go into heat...."

Willow appeared.  "Let us handle it."  She disappeared with Tony.  "Here you go, one cousin," she said happily.  "Now what?"

"Now, since he joined into the bonding, he'll have to be bound with them."

"What?" Willow demanded.  The youngest of the three aunts zapped her mind.  She came back grinning and giggly a few minutes later.  "Have fun, Tony."  She disappeared, knowing she had helped that very important family with something.  She should go back and ask about Xander but she could do that later after they were done with Tony.

Gibbs glared at the blank spot.  "I'm going to skin that girl alive," he decided.  He knew who she was.  Tony had given him a run-down on who was around his cousin that could cause him problems.

Tony was sent into the room and locked in with them.  "Hey, guys?" he asked.

"interrupting the other way wasn't enough?" John demanded, looking up from licking one of Xander's nipples.  They made him make such pretty noises when he tormented them.

"They said I screwed it up."  He sighed, coming over.  "They had Willow steal me."

"I was helping McKay do something to fix a conduit in case of an electrical storm and woke up here, needy and panting," John told him.

"I just got home, staked two vamps going for younger slayers, and turned, then ended up here," Xander moaned, arching up against John.  "John!" he whined.

John smirked and went back to what he was doing.  Xander was very appreciative.  He was appreciative enough to grope him back.  It was very welcome at the moment.  "If you're staying, you'll sweat through your clothes pretty soon, Tony."

Tony moaned at what John was doing to their younger distant cousin.  "If you do that, they'll win."

"Only if one of us is taken," Xander moaned, giving him the most steamy look he could.  "Please?"

Tony was unbuttoning his shirt before he realized it.  He made himself stop.  "Guys, if this happens, they win.  We're gay for the rest of our lives."

John looked up at him.  "So I won't make you or him ride me," he said bluntly.  "I can't fight this.  He can't fight this.  We can do plenty of things up to that point."

"Even if you do fight it, it's already done, we're encouraging a honeymoon," one aunt called before opening the door to bring in water and glasses.  "You're already bound, boys."  She smiled and left them alone.  They were very pretty together.

Xander poked John.  "Skin us some Aunties?"

"I'm all for that, yeah."  He went back to what he had been doing.  Then Xander flipped him over to play with him.  The nice, warm mouth was heaven sent since it had been so long.  Way too long without anyone hitting on him.  And yeah, that mouth was sinful.  Pure sin.  Oooh, there, yup.  "You need a haircut.  The long hair looks goofy on you.  Good handhold though," he said, moving his head off that spot to a better one.

"No barber's in the African plains," he said dryly.  "Not really a concern for me either, John.  Besides, it goes well with the leather trench I found."  He nipped him and moved back to play like he wanted to.  John laughed and tried to get away but oh well.  He squeaked a high-pitched noise when he did the next thing so that was better.

"That's very hot to watch," Tony said, starting to really feel the effects now.  That earlier sweating?  Nothing compared to what he was doing now watching John and Xander play. He wanted to join in and plunge himself into Xander too.  He finished stripping and laid down.  He couldn't fight that compulsion.  "John, stop me?" he begged.

"I won't let us be married," he promised, taking a kiss.

"Greedy," Xander said, taking his own.  "Share."  Tony moaned when Xander moved to play with him.  "As long as there's no actual butt screwing, we're good."

"You're very good," Tony moaned, shifting onto his back.

"Yes he is," John agreed.  "How new are you at this, Tony?"

"Topped once in college to see what it was like.  He apparently liked it enough because he climbed on top the next morning before going back to his own room."  He groaned and spread out like a cat so Xander could do whatever he wanted to him.  "That's so nice, Xander.  Have you done this before?"

"Few times.  John?"

"Twice.  Fooling around in high school."  He got Xander's back, licking up the sweat on it.  "If I was going to do this, you'd make a pretty wife."

Xander pounced him to knock him onto his back and make him squeal in pleasure.  "If this happens it's going to be mutual.  I'm not a girl.  I'd look stupid in heels."

Tony moaned at that image.  He came to help him torture John.  It was torture because they knew they couldn't finish it.  "What about handjobs?" John panted.  "Please, Xander?"

"I can do that.  But I need one back," he said with a teasing touch to the hard cock.

"Oh, yeah.  I'm horrible at it, but I'll try. Whatever!"  His voice went up on the last syllable because Xander had swallowed him nearly all the way down.  "Oh, damn!" he said, trying hard not to choke him by thrusting up.  He pulled Tony over to play with him.  It'd keep him from coming sooner.  "You'll make a good wife too," he teased.

Tony bit him on the nipple, making him hiss and arch up against him.  "No I'm not.  Gibbs said my ass is his, but he won't do this."  He went back to playing.  Xander and John were having fun with his body.  For now.  John got off with a groan, relaxing back into the bed.  "Better?"

"Still hard," he moaned, looking down at Xander.  "Thank you."

"Reciprocation?"

"I'll do whatever I can," John promised.  "I'll try not to bite too."  He flipped Xander over, trapping him between him and Tony.  Xander was playing with Tony for now.  It was so nice.  John did get some lube out to slick up his fingers.  That'd help a lot.  Xander yelped when he pushed in two.  "Clearly you've had some fun," he teased.

"Much.  Road trip," he moaned, spreading his legs.  "I thought we agreed we wouldn't give them the satisfaction."

"I'm not, just playing."  He tried his best to blow him.  Xander was happy enough with that and the fingers in his ass.  John wasn't even trying to stretch him, just playing for now.  Xander was wiggling and making pleading noises.  It was very nice.  Tony was already ready to come.  John was nearly there again.  "These herbs are better than viagra," he said.

"Definitely," Xander agreed.  "Have to try this some other time."

"From now on you can put a woman between you," one of the aunts called.  "That way there's a hope of carrying on the family."

"Most good girls won't go between three guys, even as pretty as we are," Tony shouted back.  "Quit!  It won't happen if it's forced!"

"It's already done, boys."  The voice faded out.

Xander snorted.  "I think not.  Some bond, not the full one."

John nodded.  "I can tell.  Damn, Xander."  The boy flexed against his fingers, making John want to push in three instead of the two he had in there.  "Some day, that'll feel fantastic around me."

"Maybe," he teased.  John did something mean and withdrew them.  He whined and tried to get them back.  John smirked at him.  Tony took pity on him and did it for him instead. So he paid attention to Tony's needs.  Tony was very needy.  Apparently it had been a while.  "He's being mean," he said against Tony's chest.  He had found a spot that made Tony whine pretty noises at him.  So he was using it for all it was worth before he did the fingers thing to Tony to get him off again.

"You're going to make a wonderful wife," John teased.  "Both of you."

"We're not your space harem," Tony teased back.

"That's right, you're both mine," Xander announced then cackled.  John shut him up with a kiss.  "Who else gets into the things I do?"

"I think that's why the aunts pulled this plan out," John said.  "That and none of us have had any recently."

"I had to kind of buy my way out of a gun runner's household," Xander admitted.  "But he wasn't that good."  Both men stared at him.  "I made him use a condom and I used a female condom on myself.  Lots and lots of slippery stuff too to make sure it wouldn't rip.  You never know what someone has, especially in some parts of Africa that're AIDS epicenters."

"That's not a bad idea," John agreed.  "How did you get it up you?"

"Toy."

"Not my thing."

"It might help right now," Tony told him.  "Because I'm about as needy as he is."  He hissed the last word because Xander got free of his fingers and went down to suckle on him.  "Oh, that's nice," he moaned.

John teased Xander's ass with his fingers again, kissing and comforting Tony.  "He's very good."

"Road trip," Xander quipped.  "Got to figure a lot of things out."

John looked down at him.  "You worked in a brothel?"

"Strip club.  Learned a lot semi-dating the lead dancer."

"Semi-dating?" Tony asked, then tensed up.  "Xander, that's mean!" he complained.  Xander swallowed him all the way down, making him go limp.  "Oh, that's better."

Xander came back up, looking at him.  "Like Anya, he wasn't interested in the 'going out' parts of dating.  He really did remind me of Anya."

John hugged him.  "It'll be okay."

"I know.  You cuddle really good."

John smirked.  "Among my many other talents."  Xander wiggled so he went back to teasing him while he sucked on Tony.  It seemed to work very well for them.   John was getting needy again.  Tony reached over to tease him so it was better.  They could handle this until the spell or whatever wore off.  "How long," he panted into Xander's back.

"Four hours at the most.  If they go for eight it could kill us," Xander said, moaning and wiggling now.  He finally got off with a muttered swear.  Tony got to finish himself off and John.

John kissed Xander.  "He does taste differently than I do."

"It's where he dates society chicks and you eat MRE's."

John snickered.  "We've got a base garden again.  By the way, the beer?  Much appreciated."

"I'm glad I had Willow send it for me."  He snuggled between them.  They both cuddled him.  It seemed like the thing to do.  "How long has it been?"

John checked his watch.  "Three hours since I got taken.  Two since Tony interrupted at the wrong time and got caught."  He took a kiss.

"You want me to blow you again, don't you," Xander teased with a smirk.

"Yes.  Your worship is greatly appreciated."  Xander gently bit one of his nipples then pulled back until it snapped back, making John hiss.  "That's mean."

"Not really.  Mean was I scratched Anya sometimes too."

Tony moaned, shifting closer.  "Damn the spell."

"If they don't quit, someone's going to have a heart attack then they're all shit out of luck!" Xander yelled.  The spell eased again.  He kissed both men then wiggled down to tease them.  They could kiss and play but apparently he was the only one among the three that could give good blowjobs.  "If we do end up together, I'm not the bed candy.  You're both going to be feeling the heft of me making you scream."

"My usual line is something like 'let me show you the real beauty of the stars as I send you flying to them," John said, sounding sated and calm.  He was hard, again, and he hated this spell.  But damn, Xander was excellent at what he was doing.  And the fingers in him were nice too.

"I don't use cheezy pickup lines," Tony said with a grin.  "They're attracted to the whole package."

"I'm not anywhere that a uniform would work to pick up women," John reminded him.

"You are now," Xander teased.

"Still not allowed off base.  I wonder if I could get a strike team to rescue us though."

"Don't know.  Jackson was wherever he goes when he goes out of contact.  O'Neill was MIA fishing as the guy put it."

John laughed, then yelped as Xander did something mean and found his prostate.  "Oh, damn!"  He was wiggling and humping those evil, wicked fingers of doom.  Xander cackled into his blow job but that was perfect.  He came and went limp.  "I think I'm dying."

"You're not," Tony said.

"Or I'll have to pull out what I learned from the shaman and make sure of it," Xander agreed.  He and Tony played and touched for a while.  They both got off and needed a nap too.  It was excellent to be with people who understood the male body.

***

General Landry walked off the elevator on Gibbs' floor, walking over to him.  "Thank you for letting me know while I was in flight, Special Agent Gibbs."

"General, I know I didn't need to hear what your group does.  I respect the classified rating."  Especially since it would rot his brain and he'd turn into Abby or DiNozzo.

"Even better."  He looked around.  "Sheppard's cousin off today?"

"A redheaded witch just stole him for a family thing."

"Redheaded.... Rosenburg?" he guessed.  Gibbs nodded.  "Damn it.  Any idea why?"

"Before she came, he was catching some sort of fallout from what he said was the aunts trying to force that one boy Xander and John Sheppard together.  For a few seconds I even had Xander in my agent's body."

"Damn it to hell."  He grimaced.  "Does he have her number?"

"Probably somewhere."  He pointed at Tony's phone and phone book on his desk.

Landry called it once he found it.  "Ma'am, this is General Landry.  I will have my colonel back within an hour, able to move, walk, sit, stand, and perform his duties to the US or I will be there with a strike team and agents to arrest you on charges of treason."  He hung up.  "She tried to protest but oh well.  Now, my people I need to beat?"

"This way, General."  Gibbs smiled.  The man's style he could appreciate.  "MIA fishing?"

"With O'Neill, it's entirely possible he found trouble while he was fishing.  Wouldn't be the first time.  The last time NID got involved and he had to kick them around too.  He said that gives him great fun every now and then," he said dryly.  Willow reappeared with Tony so he caught her arm.  "Oh, no, young lady, we're going to be talking.  DiNozzo, my boy?"

"Reasonably okay, sir.  They tried to get them to bond together.  They knew and felt it so it never went that far."  He winced as he moved.  "So he's still technically single."

Gibbs looked at him.  "Why can't you stand?" he asked.

Tony stared at him.  "How do you think three witches would bind two action-oriented men together, Gibbs?"  Gibbs groaned.  "I'm going to hit my tylenol bottle.  Excuse me, guys."  He wandered that way slowly.  He also stole McGee's pillow and sat down with a hiss of pain.  Xander's fingers had been overly excited in his ass.  He was sure John couldn't sit either.  Xander hopefully couldn't either but he seemed to be enjoying it more than they were.

Gibbs came up to stare at him.  "Do we need a medic?" he asked quietly.  Tony shook his head.  "Are we sure?"

"Yeah.  Nothing went that far, boss."

"Do we need a shrink to talk to?"

Tony stared at him.  "Can't say as I was against it.  They're both very good people.  Didn't want it then but that was the bonding ritual herbs."  He glanced around then at him.  "No, I don't need a therapist to talk about it with, boss.  I'm good.  I don't blame them, they were in the same state and probably worse.  I just hope I'm not the most sore."

"Are you sure you don't need a medic?"

"Gibbs, I've never bottomed before, even for the wicked, evil fingers of doom those two have," he said bluntly.  "I'm allowed to be sore."

"I didn't need those details, DiNozzo."

"Yell at my aunts, boss.  They're convinced we're now a trio of happily married men."

"Uh-huh."  He walked off.  Landry had needed some privacy to yell at his people.  And Willow.  She got the ass chewing of her life.  Which he'd get to finish when Landry let her go.  She would not be stealing another agent for any reason, even if the world was going to end.

***

John and Xander reappeared on the SGC base in a flash of light.  "I don't think I'm supposed to be here," Xander pointed out.

"Shut up, kid," Landry said since he appeared right behind them.  "My office."  They walked that way, trying hard not to look like they were in pain.

They ran into Daniel on the way.  "Guys, what are you both doing here?  Are we going to have an apocalypse?" Daniel asked, starting to look worried.  It was his first day off in a while, but the others who could probably help handle it were already off base.

"The aunts decided to go with their plan," Xander told him.  He pulled his hair back and tied it off again.  He really did need a haircut.  That, the dark black denim trench coat, the black pants and gray shirt, plus his sneakers and weapons was a very good look though.  Not with the hair but a good look.  And hey, washable which leather wasn't.  His new leather trench coat he had won in a poker game with some of the mercenaries was safely packed away from any goo, slime, or blood.

Daniel looked him over then nodded once.  "Were you wearing that before?"

"I just got back, staked a few vamps to say hi to the girls, and got snatched," he complained.  "John was doing repairs."

"I'll call out there and tell them you were rescued from the evil aunts."

"Please," John agreed.  "I'll never hear the end of this."  They walked into the office and John slumped into a seat, carefully not sitting on his butt.  Xander was able to.  John glared at him.  "Why aren't you sore?"

"Because last month I spent about ten days riding a camel."

"Damn it," he muttered.

Xander grinned.  "Could be worse.  Tony's got to be worse."

"True."  Landry walked in with the head doc.  "I don't need Doctor Lam, sir."

"I'm not here for you.  Mr. Harris, I need to make sure you didn't bring anything back from Africa."

Xander looked at her then at John, who nodded.  "She's cool.  She's not NID."

"Fine."  He took off his jacket, letting her pull blood.  "Thank you for not digging."

"You have good veins," she said with a small smile.  She left them alone after putting painkillers down in front of both of them with bottles of water.  They both took them by the time she was back in her infirmary.

The general looked at them.  "I have no idea how to start this conversation so I'll be blunt.  Do I need to file change of status paperwork, Sheppard?"

"If we had went all the way, yes.  We didn't, sir.  The aunts said that they considered it fully done but we don't."

"There's a slight bond but nothing that huge," Xander told him.  "If we had been fully bound I probably would realize when he was in danger and react to it.  As of this moment, it's more like he's coming for a chat in a dream walk."

"Can you expand on that topic?" Landry asked.

"Family gift, sir.  We can basically hold family meetings during a shared dream walk.  It's how we knew when to help where."

Xander nodded.  "I did call sometimes but dream walks are more of a 'what did you do this time, Xander' meeting area."

Landry stared at him.  "I heard you had a vision about the invasion, Mr. Harris.  Are there any others coming?"

"I haven't seen anything like it," he promised.  "I saw a few bad things with the tribes I was helping but that was localized."

"Okay, so probably not?"

"Not as far as I know.  How has the fallout been?"

"One reporter got very good pictures of the boys fighting, and a lot of the girls too.  They looked most of you up with some illegal help of a few agents.  There's been some hero worship at the demon hunters."  Xander snickered, shaking his head.  "Plus some slayer wannabes."

"Figures.  They'll quit when they find out the life isn't glamorous."

John nodded.  "It's a lot like military service only you don't get paid."

Xander nodded.  "In a constant combat zone.  When you hunt, you do what you have to do, then move onto the next target.  When you hunt on a hellmouth it's nightly patrols of ending the lives of seriously bad things," he said at the general's curious looks.  "Staking a vamp means that they go whoosh and don't get up the next night."

"So you're saying it's exactly like having to hunt and kill an entrenched enemy combatant," Landry said.

"It is," Xander agreed.  "Every night when you're a slayer or working on the hellmouth.  Roaming guys like the Winchesters take on more what the family does.  A ghost here and there, a creature eating people, some problems that're bigger but still problems.  You get it, you move on to the next target."

"That makes a lot of sense," Landry decided.  "There are people within the government who want liaison with the slayers and their council."

"Go to Cleveland, talk to Rupert Giles," Xander told him.  "As far as I know he's the head of it."

"I can tell them that.  They did want some hunters on hand for those sort of things.  They looked into Captain Finn's background before you mention him, Harris.  They were not pleased."

"Neither were we.  That's why we stopped them."

John nodded.  "I did some of the searching and told General O'Neill about it, sir," he agreed.  He finished his water.  Xander handed him his.  "You sure?"

"I'm used to living on a lot less," he pointed out.  John nodded, sipping that one too.  "As for hunters in the government, they have some who could learn.  Finn's group got some things wrong while they were making notes, but Finn did learn the slayer way we used in Sunnydale.   If they want to train that badly, have them talk to Giles about coming in to train with the junior slayers."

"That's not a bad idea," he agreed.  "What about the roaming ones?"

"They're pretty contact based.  They live and get jobs out of their cellphone's phonebooks.  I'm sure they have meeting areas but I don't know any of them.  I only met their dad when he came to save me from Willow nearly destroying the earth in her grief."  He shifted to cross his feet.  "She's grieved, moved on, and it's better again," he said at his horrified look.

"She has an addiction to her magic, General," John said quietly.  "At that time, her girlfriend was killed next to her.  She lost it and backslid.  Hit Xander with a lot of magic."

"That organ damage you had to heal," he said.

Xander nodded.  "It took me three months to fully heal the damage she did," he agreed.  "They still take liver function bloodwork way too often for my liking."

He called the infirmary.  "Run that for liver function as well please.  A few years back he got poisoned and it was injured."  He hung up.  "Just in case."

"Thanks."  He grinned.  "I'm sure the girls were not happy with the aunts?"

"Buffy sighed and said you had probably tried to date whoever stole you."

"No, I never dated the aunts.  They're kinda scary," he said, cracking John up.  He heard an alarm and looked around.  "If you have to, we can wait in here.  I'm sure he'll keep me out of trouble, General."

"That's not that sort of alarm, kid.  Don't worry about it."  He stared at him.  "Will this affect his work?"

"As far as I know, it shouldn't.  If we had been fully bound, it shouldn't have either after a few days."  He shrugged.  "What did they have with them?"

"Rosenburg is getting information on that for me.  She's to bring it to me and only to me.  That way I can give it to you three."

"I know you have to be hyper protective of John, sir.  Bad things happen around him and you have to rely on him to help remove the bad things before they eat us or use us.  I realize that *real* well."

"You knew?"

"I've always been able to read John a bit better than the others.  I can get information from him that he's not even thinking about.  I've ignored it the whole time because it's not my job and I was too busy caring about my own world-ending problems and the girls I was working with."

"That's reasonable.  Thank you for that."

Xander nodded.  "Not a problem."  Someone knocked then walked in to hiss in the general's ear.  "Like I said, he can watch me sit in here and not do anything," he offered.

"She can wait," he told him.  The messenger nodded at that.  "Tell her I'm debriefing someone and I'll be there in about ten minutes."  The aide left.  "Sorry, allies."

"I've heard."  He smirked.  "There's a good underground about you guys."

"I've heard of that," John agreed.  "But I don't know where the leak is."

"An Initiative person who knew Finn was leaking back to him when he panicked that they were going to end the world.  Finn decided that he didn't need to tell Buffy, that they could handle it, but he did keep tabs on him and what was going on in case Buffy had to be alerted.  I have no idea what he thought she'd do against an energy weapon, but that's how he was retrained.  His office has a massive leak of two human looking half-demons who are going to report to everyone if they slip back to their old ways.  So we know everything that gets leaked to him.  One sends reports to Buffy now that she's in Cleveland."

"Buffy and the girls would probably end up setting up resistance cells or something," John admitted.  "If something that big got out, we'd need fighters and they're well trained."

"Willow might just suck them into a demon dimension," Xander said dryly.  "Therefore no more problem.  Which was probably what Finn was hoping for."

The general shrugged.  "I have no idea about that stuff.  Is magic useable in this program?"

"How would I know, sir?  I don't do magic.  If I even thought about using magic, a certain redhead would show up and nag about how spells went wrong around me when I was younger.  That seems to have settled down since graduation but she's still paranoid.  I do know that the Initiative had a sorcerer that Giles and Buffy handed over for being annoying.  I know if he got freed, he'd run the other way if military people showed up asking for his help."

"They did?" John asked, looking at him.  Xander nodded.  "Before or after she knew?"

"After.  She was dating Finn."  They shared a look.  "Ethan showed up to annoy Giles.  Turned him into a demon for a day."

"That still doesn't warrant sending him to be tortured."

"No, but I didn't have a say in that decision," Xander pointed out.  "That was Giles.  Riley was convenient."

"Damn it," he muttered.

Landry coughed.  "Ethan....  So I can look him up to make sure he's not being a victim still?"

"Rayne.  British citizen.  Chaos sorcerer, high priest to Janus."

"That doesn't sound good for people," he admitted, but he did look him up.  "Listed as escaped custody of a special operations project, do not go near, is allowed to be free now."  He looked at him.  "Do you think he'd help us?"

"I think he'd probably start having flashbacks but I've never sat and talked to him.  Willow is a techie witch.  Very heavily into computers.  I know she's got a duty to the council but she might know other technical witches."

"I can ask her when she brings that information."

"If it's been more than a half-hour, sir, she's already back in Cleveland telling the others."  He pulled out his phone, getting the desk phone handed over.  He dialed the number and leaned back again.  "Tamara, tell Willow that she has no right to look at, use, or gossip about the spell that my aunts wanted me under and she was due here a while ago so I know she's been doing all three.  And tell her I will spank her since she participated in the kidnaping portions.  Thank you.  Yes, it's Xander."  He hung up.  Willow appeared, glaring at him.  He glared back.  "It's my life."

"They...."

"Shut up," John told her.  "Spoiled little bitch moments don't impress anyone, Willow.  You have no right to tell the girls anything about his private life without his consent.  The same as he can't tell them about yours."  She slumped.  "Now, spell and that information?"  She handed it over with a huff.  "Good, be debriefed about what magic can and can't do."  He read it over while the general walked her off to ask her those special questions.   "Hmm, the feeling bond was supposed to be temporary."  He looked at him.  "You're really annoyed with her?"

"She didn't have any right to tell the others anything about this."

"They are your friends."

"No, a few are my friends.  The rest I barely know.  Which means that they won't respect me and it'll be just like it was before with them.  Buffy will think I can't handle myself.  Willow will decide to put me down because I'm not the special one.  Someone will probably make a joke that I went gay to get attention."  John gave him a shoulder squeeze.  "Sorry.  Venting.  I need to see a therapist instead."

"Don't go back," he said quietly.  "Not yet.  Be independent for a while.  It'll do you good."

"I think Africa did me a lot of good.  I grew up a lot."  He stared at him.  "But yeah, I was thinking about retiring when I was over there.  Then I realized I'm not really trained for anything else and what good is a one-eyed carpenter with a lot of battle experience."

"Go to vocational school."

"Maybe.  I'm still considering it.  I have money stashed away.  I can live on it for a few months at the least."

"Good."  The general came back.  "Did you make her cry again?"

"I gave her good reasons why he was pissed at her.  She's pouting."

"Yeah, and then she'll start making jokes about how I went gay to fit in better," Xander said dryly.  "Just like before.  It definitely means the girls won't respect me."

"Take a foreign posting," the general suggested.  "That way you don't have to deal with them all the time."

"A few of them see me going to Africa as running away," he admitted.  "I'd hate to beat them all.  I think I'm going to live my own life for a while and see what happens."

"That's always a mature decision," he agreed.  "You were too young when you jumped in, Harris.  It's time to finish finding yourself."

"I did a lot of that with shaman assisted boot kicking."

The general laughed.  "I'm sure they decided you were spoiled because you had the cushier life over here."  Xander nodded.  "But did it get changed?"

"A lot.  Even if I do still miss coffee and tv."

"Us too," John admitted.  "Soldiers started to pout when they couldn't get an antenna signal.  McKay had to set up a satellite receiver."  The general snickered and nodded.  "We are spoiled by having things we want."  Xander nodded.  "So where are you going to be?"

"I'm going to pick up my crap in storage in Cleveland and then....  I'm not real sure," he admitted.  "I don't know.  Got a city you want to visit more?"

"Not really.  Family home?"

"After earlier?  Nope.  On my shit list.  DC?"

"Gibbs would freak but Tony said his coworker Abby might like to meet you."  Somewhere in his stomach he felt that churning sensation that it was wrong to suggest that.  "Do what the older people do, retire to Florida?"

"I can't stand humidity anymore," he said.  "Maybe Seattle then.  I could stand some rain.  Or maybe Hong Kong.  I don't know."   He stood up and stretched then sat down again.  "Sorry, sore back."

"I'm surprised you can move as well as you can, son," Landry told him.  "You're thinking about going international?"

"I like to travel," he admitted.  "I learn a lot that way instead of in books.  Plus I met some very nice contacts dealing with the people who wanted the tribes I was working with.   There's a few that I should go threaten again."  John shuddered.  He grinned.  "It wasn't that bad."

"Tony told me about the duel with the arms dealer, Xander."

"He was a drug dealer, get it right,"he said dryly.  "And I won."  He smirked.  "Maybe I'll go find Oz in Tibet."

"He's back in LA.  We looked him up when we figured out the whole group wasn't in Cleveland."

"I hope they're liking having a hacker then," he decided.  "Right now I'm ties free.  Is there an area you'd rather I didn't hit?  Mostly because he'd come visit now and then?"

"I'd rather have him near at hand for visits," he admitted.  "Instead of having him fly all over the world for them."

"Then maybe I'll move to San Fran and set up shop there, then travel."  He snapped his fingers.  "If I can find a contact to dump some things through it'll be easier."  The general gave him an odd look.  "Not like I don't live by the Boy Scout motto, General."

"I was hoping you weren't talking about heavier weapons, Mr. Harris.  Arms dealing or selling is still a crime."

"Well, I do have a few guns, and the arsenal if they haven't confiscated it.  Which they probably haven't.  Um... I have some great pictures.  I have a few things I need to hand over from shaman who made them for the girls in my life.  Then I've got one thing that could be sold that is higher.  And a contact list that some people might want to know about.  I can do that through Tony though."

"What sort of weapons did the girls keep?" John asked.  "Buffy doesn't like guns."

"No, but she likes light artillery."  He smirked.  "Let's just say I looted a bit here and there.  Especially when the flaming poof Dracula showed up with his bitches.  I didn't like eating bugs."

John shuddered.  "I remember you telling me about that.  You looted his stuff?"

"Yeah."  He smirked.  "Annoy me and I'll get you back."  He smiled sweetly.  "The girls left a lot of stuff.  He left furniture.  Gaudy, girly furniture."

Landry snickered.  "He's real?"

"Yeah, he's a different species than we're used to dealing with," he admitted.  "He was trying to get Buffy."

"That figures I suppose.  A figurehead would be gone after faster."

"Yup."  He shrugged.  "We'll see.  I can probably sell that stuff fastest.  But housing out there is atrocious."

"So move just up the coast.  There's wine country in one direction, a few colleges in the other."

Xander thought about it.  "I can look online later.  Then travel from there."

John coughed.  "Wasn't there a thing from the president waiting on him, sir?"

"That would help, yes."  He smiled.  "The president said that anyone who used to do the job and came forward would get a one-time payment if they could answer questions about how you handled things."

"A few hunters have come out of the closet because they wanted the money," John told him.

"As long as I was kept anonymous and not put in front of the people or something like that, I might not mind that.  Depending on what they ask."  A demon appeared next to him.  Within a heartbeat he and John had guns on it.  "You wanted....."

"Are you Alexander Lavelle Harris?"

"I am."

"I'm Mr. Atrhoshoked.  I'm with Borkretell and Dkdkehennel."

"Which has to be a demon law firm with that name," he said dryly.  "I ran off one of you trying to bother the slayer I was working with.  So why are you here?"

"And can we prevent more of you from popping in?" the general asked.

The lawyer looked at him.  "I can only go where legal matters necessitate."  He looked at him.  "Our law firm is over the probate of Miss Anyanka Emmerson's estate.  The one you ran off was trying to notify you, sir.  I waited until you were calmer before showing up."

Xander shuddered.  "I didn't want to be reminded of that.  It all sank in Sunnydale."

"Mostly," he corrected.  "Some of it did not.  Including some things that she was pushing to get from a friend's estate."  He stared at him.  "We need to see you about those."

"Later," Xander ordered.

"We can take you with us and it will only be a few moments in this plane."

"I'm going with him," John ordered.

The demon stared at him.  "I see the start of a mating bond."

"The aunts got pushy," Xander said dryly.  "We're from the Family Dokenstat."

"Yes we have known about your kind.  May we?" he asked the general.

"Make it less than an hour's time here."

"I can definitely do that."  He took both men with him.  The general went to talk to the off-worlder he had waiting on him.

Xander and John showed back up a few minutes later, looking at each other.  "It's a nice place," John told him.  "Even if you do have to scrub, paint, and break the magic stuff in the back room."

"True."  He grinned.  "Airy, I can wander, I can have a dog.  You can visit with your buddies if you want."

"Thanks, Xander."  He grinned and sat back down.  "I'm guessing he's with the ally."  Xander shrugged and sat down again.  "You've got to be in pain," he muttered quietly.

Xander grinned.  "After a while I quit showing it.  Who would care if I was and the girls would ride me worse if I was."

"I guess that makes sense with your life," he decided, squeezing his shoulder.  "You still okay?"

"I have no idea D'Hoffryn had destroyed other demons when Anya had to be removed the second time.  Or that he had that curse waiting because I had warped her to have a conscience."

"I think you were good for her," John said, earning a happy smile.  "I can't say the other way, still, but I know you cared for her so I won't nag."

"Thanks, John.  Every time I dated the girls would nag and push it back in my face."

"I'm not a cranky girl.  Though, you still need a haircut because you look way too girlish with Van Hellsing hair."

Xander cackled.  "It wasn't intentional."

"I didn't figure it was," he assured him.  "You can use some of that furniture in the new place."

"Nah.  Too girly definitely.  I'll find something."

"You could change out cushions and things."

"Maybe."  He shrugged.  The general came back.  "My ex was pushing to get some things from some friend's wills."

"There's no longer a housing gap," John told him.

"That's good news," he said with a smile.  "So you're all set?"  He sat down again.

"Pending getting all my things out of storage, yeah."

"Even better."  He looked at him.  "I will warn you that the agents asking those questions to hunters have been known to leak names."

"I'll ask around before I take them up on it then," he decided.  The general nodded.  "So, can I give him a lift home?"

"I can give him the rest of this weekend," he promised.  "I was told that the bonding would not continue if things happened that may be covered under don't ask, don't tell."  He gave Sheppard a pointed look.

"I still like women, sir."

"I don't care, Sheppard.  The same as I don't care about the rumors of Jackson's time on SG-1 before."  Sheppard snickered.  "I don't care that there's rumors of you and McKay or you and Ronon or you and Teyla."

"Ronon did have that hovering, silent, overprotective mother hen thing going on," Xander said dryly.  "And he said Rodney nags."

"I don't care," Landry said to stop him.  "I have no need to know as long as it doesn't hurt his performance on the job.  I'm giving him this weekend because I doubt he can do much of anything with how sore he is.  Plus they might nag and ask questions we aren't allowed to ask in the military."  He gave Sheppard a pointed look.  "0800 Monday, Sheppard.  Call for a pickup somehow."

"Thank you, sir."

"Not a problem.  Your family does bring some extreme circumstances to us.  Shoo, go."  They left together.  He took something for his headache.  O'Neill had shown up in that incoming wormhole with the Asgard.  That had been his advice.  Especially since he thought those two might be cute together, his words.

***

Xander looked around his house.  The demon moving company he had hired had gotten everything to him, including a lot of books he didn't remember having.  He realized they were from the old library and shrugged.  If Giles wanted them he could call and move them back to Cleveland.  Instead, he had a special call to make.  "Hey, Dean, Xander Harris.  No, just back a few days actually.  Big thing though, I'm moving.  I need some help blessing my house and destroying the working area in the back.  I'll even pay you guys for the help.  No, all unpacked," he said, opening a stained glass panel to let the breeze come through.  Most of the windows in the house moved one way or another to leave it fairly open to the breezes.

It was a huge house: five bedrooms, four baths, study that didn't have moving panels, huge kitchen, living room/dining area, magic room, and a covered deck/lanai area outside.  Plus some trees.  Fairly isolated as well.  On top of a fairly sturdy hill near the water.  "West coast.  No, I didn't want to hear them nag.  Retired to rear support and apocalypses basically, yeah.  Maybe if something happens near here I'll deal with it.  There shouldn't be though.  That's cool.  I've even got a room you two can share.  The others don't have a lot of furniture yet.  About an hour from San Fran.  The house with the stained glass, yeah, how did Sam know?"  He grinned.  "That's pretty cool but that's where I am.  Sure, please do.  Like I said, I'll pay you guys for the help so you don't have to hustle motel money for a bit.  Thanks, guys."  He hung up

John came out of the kitchen with a beer.  "I think this is nearly the perfect place, Xander.  Even if there is a containment circle in the back room."  He handed the boy a beer, getting a grin back.  "Figured you could use one.  It's painful when you move on."

Xander nodded, taking a sip.  "It was time though."  He walked him out back, showing him the view.  "This is why I love it.  This and the openness.  Sam said he'd seen it before.  It's on some sort of mystical tour thing."  He took another sip.  "I need a good soaking tub out here."

"Your bathroom has a moving wall that lets you open it up to the water view."  John took a drink.  "And it's got jets.  The secondary main suite has a cast iron tub in it for deep soaking too.  It looks out on the trees."

"I need to send Tony my address."

"I already emailed it to him.  Plus emailed McKay that I was fine and they had gotten the witches that stole me."  He smirked.  "His back needed a translator.  I'm not so sure which person he got to write it back."

Xander laughed.  "That figures.  Friends should worry about you."

"Cousins definitely do.  I worried the whole time you were in Africa.  With your luck you could've caught a fever and died."  Xander gave him a slight shoulder-to-shoulder nudge, getting a smirk back.  "It was possible."

"It only lasted two weeks."  He took another drink.  He ignored his phone when it rang.  He knew who it was.  Someone had told someone in Cleveland that he had moved.  He shut off his phone.  John took it to turn on and see who it was.  "Cleveland?"

"LA."

Xander called them back. "Hey, Oz."  He listened.  "No, I'm good.  I'm a lot of good actually.  No, I'm here and maybe traveling a bit.  Why?"  He smiled.  "Thanks, man.  You can come meditate on my lawn if you want.  Just no drama.  I can't handle drama anymore.  I grew up and out of it."  He smirked.  "That's cool.  I'm here if it's critical.  Thanks, man."  He hung up.  Then he turned off his phone.  "Someone told Connor."

"He was a bit strange when we talked before LA happened."  He looked at his cousin.  "You didn't ask."

"I got plenty of bleed-over from you during that conference later that night.  That's why I sent the beer and hostess stuff."

"It was highly appreciated on the base.  Even the ones who didn't drink had some of the popcorn and chips."  He smirked at the sound of an engine.  "That them?"

"No clue."  He went to answer the door.  "Ah-ha!  You were really close like you said," he said with a grin.  "Come on in, guys."

Dean strolled in, looking around.  "This is really nice, Xander.  Even if the walls are movable."

"It means I don't feel trapped in here," he said quietly.

Sam grinned.  "How was Africa?"

"Pretty, hot, dangerous, sweaty.  A lot of work, some fighting.  I can't explain it really," he admitted.

Sam smiled and nodded.  "I understand.  I saw this place on a tour once with Jess."  He went back to the working room.  "The last owner was said to be a white witch."

"Mixed.  I looked her up when the lawyer said that Anya had inherited it from her friend via the sister who was a witch," Xander admitted, leading Dean back there.  "You guys can use that room," he said with a point.  "My cousin John is in and he's got the secondary main suite."  He grinned.  "Beers in the fridge too."

"That's cool."  He looked across the inlaid diagram.  "You'll have to put in a new floor."

"I know but I don't know how to start breaking this one apart without possibly calling something here or something equally bad."

"I do," Dean assured him with a grin.  "You sure you can pay us?"

"Yeah.  This came from an inheritance from Anya," he said quietly.  John walked behind him, giving him a pat on the back.  "Thanks, John."

"Hey," he said with a wave.

"Going to help?"

"I do not touch magic stuff because I know it likes me enough to eat me.  Like it does Xander."  His cellphone rang and he looked at it.  "That's.... Ronon?"  He walked off.  "I'm still awake."  He listened to him complain about McKay's complaining.  "No, Ronon.  The aunts decided to pull their plan to get me hitched."  He took a sip of beer and snickered at his complaint.  "I'm not bringing back some leggy thing with fussy hair no matter what McKay says.  The aunts wanted me to marry Xander and Tony.  We held it off though."  He took another drink, draining his bottle so he could toss it into the recycling bin.

"Hey, my first trash in my first house," Xander said happily, cracking Sam up.

"You two are goofballs," Dean told him.

"I'm at Xander's right now.  He's got a house up the coast from us.  It's very pretty.  Monday morning at 0800.  Landry's orders.  Woolsey throwing a fit?  No, I'm a bit tired and sore," he admitted.  "Ronon, they *encouraged* us to marry," he said bluntly.  "Yes, that way."  Ronon said something.  "No, he's still bouncy and not showing that he's in pain.  I don't know how since I am."  He went back outside.

"Anyway.  Things going okay?  Anything I can bring back for people?  I can do that.  Thanks, man.  Calm Rodney down if you can.  I know, he sent me a swearing email in French.  Thanks, man."  He hung up.  Then he went back to start on dinner.  He was a passable cook.  The younger guys were in there breaking the lines of the working area.  Yeah, Xander would have to replace that floor.  Anya had money so it'd be okay.  He brought in plates thirty minutes later, handing them over.  He went out to get his and the guys went outside.  He followed, sitting at the outside table to enjoy the view.  "The guys on base wanted me to bring back a few things, Xander."

"You can borrow my car to shop," he promised.

"Thanks."  He smirked.  "No calls from Cleveland yet."

"My phone's off," he said dryly.  Dean gave him a look.  "I don't want to hear the drama."

"I can understand that.  I heard how some of the girls talked about you.  The one you sent over for her safety corrected them a lot while we were there.  Buffy and Willow both gave her dirty looks but she told them off for you.  Then told them that perhaps being a slayer and friend was too much for her.  Faith stepped in and got it stopped.  Even though she agreed with both sides somewhat."  Xander nodded.  "Are you going to invite them out?"

"I don't know.  Maybe.  Maybe Faith.  Definitely Kuria."  Sam smiled at that.  "She knows where I am.  She had some freaky Xander sensing radar."

"I wonder if that would spill over to Tony or me," John said.

"Possibly."

"Huh."  He stuffed his mouth with a bite of food.  Dean and Sam both stared at him.

"The aunts tried to get their way," Xander told them.  "Tony accidentally got caught."

"I'm so sorry," Dean said.  "Being that gay must be a drain on you."

"Haven't fully went there, that's what kept the bond from fully forming," Xander said dryly, making Dean smirk back.  "Though I am fantastic.  The arms dealer I had to sleep with to get away from said so."

Sam choked at that pronouncement.  Dean slapped him on the back until he could breathe again.

"Things like that happen around Xander," John said dryly.  "That's why the aunts want him safely married to me."

Sam moaned, shaking his head.  "That's just so wrong!  Being gay won't stop it from happening."

"He should know.  I tried to push many men on him to make him go gay," Dean said dryly.  "Didn't help him getting into trouble.  A few of them were worse than the girls he dated."

"Dad told you not to do that again," Sam pointed out.

"Dad's dead, Sammy.  Please go gay and don't give me nieces or nephews?"

"Shut up, Dean."

"Make me, bitch."

"Jerk, you're acting up so they won't know you secretly want them," he shot back.  "Denial that strong is often hiding a closet doorway."

"Not me.  I only love the ladies."

"I didn't know that you picked up ladies.  I thought you picked up cheap women," Xander teased.

"No time to woo a real lady.  A cheap roll in the hay is good enough when I'm needy.  I'll work on a real lady some year when I retire."

"Or knock up some waitress so I have relatives," Sam shot back.

Dean looked at him.  "I use condoms.  I'm hoping you do, Sammy.  Before you catch something I can pick on you about."

"I've never caught anything, thank you."

"That's because you never have fun.  You're uptight and tense because of it.  Maybe if Xander doesn't want his cousin, you can have him instead."

"That'd be one fun bed," John said, considering it.  "Tony and I might like that."  Xander pinched him, making him yelp.  "Hey!"

"Shut up, John," he said, giving him a smug look.  "Sammy wouldn't need a woman ever again after me.  He'd be totally turned to the male side of lust."

"Uh-huh," John said.  "I'm not."

"I didn't make you beg me either," Xander said with a smug look.  "There's a reason all the bad girls want me for themselves."

Dean snickered when Sam said, "That happens to you too?"

"He's got bad girl magnet power," John told him.  "His last ex was Anyanka, vengeance over women scorned."  Dean choked and spluttered this time.  "Before then it was Cordelia, the queen of snark.  And what was her name?"

"Ampata.  She was a restored mummy."

"Yeah, her," John said with a smug look.  "How many bad girls in Africa?"

"Four.  Three dangerous ones that I wanted to make beg.  Two did beg very well.  One wanted a quick thing and walked off.  The other one was a widow wanting to know how American women did it differently.  The chief said it'd be reasonable and she enjoyed the hell out of it.  I told her how to use this on her next husband and he'd be very happy and do what I did.  She went as the second wife to one of the village."

John and Dean both gaped at him.  "Wow," Sam said in awe.

"The two deadly ones?" Dean asked.

"Um, one was running arms to a war band.  She only wanted a one night thing.  The other two were mercenaries."

Dean shook his head.  "Worse than even Sammy."

"But we know if there's a huge, horny demon it'll come here," John said, looking at Xander.

"I'm not going for the demonic.  Skilled like one in bed, but not a real demon, thank you.  I might even be willing to settle down some day."

John shook his head.  "Way strange for you, Xander.  Clearly Africa grew you up too much."

"I'm all for guns and games but maybe a steady thing would be nice.  Someone to go out with and talk to."

"I think that sounds like a good idea," John assured him with a smile.

"Good."

"Ask Tony if he'll move in front of Gibbs.  Watch Gibbs get possessive."

"Maybe."  He gave him a sly look.  "I can tell your mother hens that."

"Please don't.  They're already trying to figure out how to keep Willow out of the city."  He stuffed his mouth again.  "By the way, Rodney said she screwed with the shield.  The aunts had her steal me too."

"Aww, that's so sweet of them," Dean teased.

"Which is why my general had a long discussion with her," John said smugly.

"It might've helped," Sam decided.  "When we were there, someone ended up blinding her to keep her out of the new magic books."  Xander shuddered.  "Yeah, she went back to Devon for a few weeks."

"That's always a good thing," Xander agreed.  He saw a flash of light inside.  "I'm out here."  Faith walked out with a bag over her shoulder.  "Running away?"

"Yup.  B and Red are having one of their knock-down-magic-the-nagging one fights.  Got a spare room?"

"With no bed," he admitted.  "But there's a couch."

She smiled.  "That'll work."  She saw the view and took a deep breath.  "It's pure here."

"It is.  That's why I liked it enough to take it," he agreed quietly.

She looked at him.  "Good choice, boytoy."  She sat down.  John waved his fork at her.  "Nah, I'm good.  Thanks."  She looked at Xander.  "Emergency backup?"

"If you need me I'm there."

"Cool.  I'm heading overseas soon."

"I thought about that," he admitted.  "Have fun in your city.  Learn to explore and have some fun, Faith.  Remember, fun helps ease the nightmares."

"I remember.  Trust me, I've hid at the movies many times recently."  She gave him a smug look.  "Germany?"

"Has really good beer," John told her.  "It's a complex area that's got some immigrant areas as well.  A lot of north African countries have been migrating up for work there and France."

"It has a winter too," Xander told her.  "Since you'll be in Berlin.  I know Buffy had her heart set on Rome."

"She already did."

Xander considered it.  "Brazil's house is probably going to be a lot of fun.  Almost no one's worked down there.  You'll have the jungles, the beaches, and the city with slums.  Some violence issues, some drug dealer issues, but probably about as bad as Boston was."

She considered it.  "Probably not.  Too much work for me."

"So hit the one outside of Mexico City," Dean offered.  "They put it outside the city because of the local Church's involvement.  You'd be in a village.  They have celebrations, they watch out for each other.  The city's about ten minutes away."

She nodded.  "I might.  Right now I'm not real fond of snow."

"So make it mandatory that the slayers work in different houses for four months of the year so they don't get stale and burned out," Xander told her.

"That's not a bad idea," she admitted.  "I'll look over the various houses later."  She looked at the view again.  "This is really great.  Especially the way the house opens up."

"It's my sanctuary against drama," Xander told her.  "Which you don't usually bring."

"I did bring two letters from B and Red."

"I might read them later."

She smiled.  "You definitely grew up."

"Had to.  Things are harsher there."  She nodded she understood.  "If you can stand dry heat, go to Egypt's house.  You'd have to conform to local rules about clothing and stuff but it's ancient, seriously mystical in some places, and the demon threats are pretty low outside of some water demons.  Most of the desert ones won't talk to people."

"I'll think about that as a temp spot.  I'm not sure I could go without flashing some titty now and then."

Xander gave her a smug look.  "For visitors the rules are a bit less strict.  You'd have to cover your head, but you can probably show and not tell all you wanted."

"We'll see.  Three of the girls are native there."  He nodded.  "It blew their mind when they got to Cleveland and B was wearing clubbing clothes."

"It blew my teenage mind many times," Xander said dryly.  She cackled at that, giving him a bat on the hand.

"What I saw her in blew mine too," Dean admitted.  Sam nodded quickly, stuffing his mouth.  "He wanted to dress her."

"There's a few times I wanted to hand her a real shirt too," Faith said.  "She used to wear these backless things on patrol all the time.  And heels."

"Like low back halters?" Dean asked.

"They'd look wrong on her small chest," Xander said.  "No, these were the ones with the straps around the shoulders and no back at all."

Dean shivered.  Sam moaned.  "Yeah, she baited very well."

"She said that was boytoy's job," Faith told him.

"Not when you're dressed like that."

"She and Fang went on date patrols."

Sam snickered.  "I met Angel.  Why would anyone want him?"

"He understands me," Faith and Xander mimicked in unison then he stuck his tongue out at her.

"I don't have to worry about a normal guy who won't understand or who'll get hurt trying to help," Xander finished.  "She also called him tall, dark, cheesecake a few times."

"Uh-huh," Dean said.

Sam shook his head.  "He's probably the same temperature as cheesecake should be."  John cackled, shaking his head.  "I can't see it and don't want to."

"Spike's back," she told Xander.

Xander nodded.  "The moving demons told me that."

"He said hi."

"Not at this moment.  If he had asked about three months ago there was the accidental hallucinogenic plant exposure."

She stared, mouth slightly open.  "No way."

"Yup.  Was kinda nice.  The hyena and I cuddled for a good few hours."  She shivered.

"Was that when you showed up and bit Tony?" John asked.

"Earlier than that.  The shaman wanted me more in touch with her after that."

"Ah."

"Bit...." Faith asked.

"Dream walk.  A hyena showed up instead of him when Tony called."

"Oh.  Okay.  I have no idea what you're talking about."

Xander grinned.  "Neither do we half the time.  It's because he's so math smart."  Sam cackled, shaking his head.

John pouted.  "I'm a very normal guy, Xander."

"Uh-huh."  He smirked.  "You understand science way too well for that."

"Normal guys can be science and math smart.  Even then, Rodney still has to use little words now and then with me."

"Yeah, he seemed like Fred," Faith said.  "Does he babble in bed too?"

"He's not into me.  He's into botanists.  He needs someone who understands his giant brain."

She looked him over.  "Pity.  Does X?"

"It's not a fair representation.  I'll have to try it again sometime and let you know."  She smirked at him.

"I can make you beg anytime you want," Xander quipped.  "Just pop on over."

"I don't think I have any leave time left," he admitted.  "There's going to be people who're jealous that I got taken this time."

"Have Willow kidnap 'em," Faith offered.  "The minis could use some man pussy that wasn't afraid of strong women."

Xander looked at her.  "Why would they want gay men?"

"Half of them aren't real sure what to do with a guy in the first place.  As long as he swung a bit, they'd be fine."

Dean snickered and nodded.  "Half of them thought sparring was foreplay too.  They pouted a lot when I beat them off me and Sammy."

Faith nodded.  "Seriously, X.  I was about to drop kick some into a brothel the other day for being twittering virgins."

Xander shook his head.  "A hyped up slayer is great sex but they'd probably destroy the brothel."

She smirked.  "Glad to know I left a lasting impression."

Xander stared at her.  "Of course you did.  That's why I have so much stamina now."  She blushed and looked away.  He smirked.  "Aww, did you hear Anya's stories?"

"From Red.  It was damn scary, X.  Being gay is probably better for you.  You might not wear another guy out."

John snorted.  "Bet me.  Even with the spell or whatever working on us he still ran circles around me and Tony.  Tony ended up cuddling him in self defense to make him take some downtime during it."  He looked at his cousin.  "If you liked handcuffs, I might be able to send you someone."

"Nah.  I don't mind tying someone else down but I have to know the one doing me *real* well or I panic and kick their ass."

"Good point," Faith said, starting to blush.  "You're a bit more wild than I thought, boytoy."

He smirked.  "The roadtrip showed me the way to have stress relieving fun, Faith."

"I don't need ta know," she said quickly.

"But if you want to share stories," Dean offered with a grin of his own.

"Oh, the stories that aren't fit to print in Penthouse or Hustler," Xander sighed, shaking his head.  Faith was now bright red.  So was Sam.  John was starting to blush.  He grinned at them.  "Want to hear about the three half-succuba strippers who came in as a special event and their manager?"

John squeaked, looking at him.  "There's no way."  Xander stared at him.  "Please tell me there's no way?" he begged a minute later.  Xander nodded.  John slumped.  "In one night?"

"Anya wanted a lot even back when we were screwing before the prom."  He shrugged.  "Hunting does give you fantastic stamina.  Right, Dean?"

"I can't manage above twins, Xander.  Haven't been able to do triplets since I was twenty-two."  Sam was making squeaky, horrified noises.  "I think you walked in on the triplets, Sammy.  Didn't you?"  Sam fled to the bathroom.  "Very pretty sorority sisters."

Xander sighed and nodded.  "College girls.  Hmmm."  Faith went inside shaking her head.

John patted him on the back.  "We'll make sure you won't kill any future lovers, Xander."  He scraped his plate clean and took it into the dishwasher.  Xander and Dean's came shortly afterward.  Sammy's plate went into the bathroom with Faith so she could calm him down.  They both needed the thoughts they had calmed down.  His plate eventually came out and got ran with the others.   Yeah, it was good to be home.

***

John was 'ported onto the base the next day, waving a hand at the boxes.  "From the SGC and the shopping lists I got sent," he told Woolsey.  He looked at McKay.  "Willow is *very* sorry she stole me.  Landry got her for over a half hour.  Then again later on."

"Why did she steal you?" Woolsey asked.

"The aunts had her steal me so they could enact their plan to marry me off to my fifth cousin so he'd calm down.  He was just back from Africa."  Woolsey went pale and shook his head slowly.  "Since I spent most of that day drugged out of my mind.....  Well, let's just say there was a reason his ex girlfriend quit complaining about not enough sex."

Rodney was spluttering.  "That makes no sense!" he complained.  "Why marry you off to... to.. HIM!"

"Because the aunts like the idea," he said bluntly.  "Have since they introduced both of us to the family ideals.  Since Xander can't have kids according to a mystical source, they decided he should be gay and help the best of this generation raise our own spawn.  They said we could easily find some woman to put between us for that."  Rodney gave him a horrified look.  He shrugged.  "They were insistent and the drugging made it pretty fun.  We're not bound though.  We managed to hold off just enough to keep that from happening.  Oh, and he invited you up to a cookout the next time we're both off base together.  He lives up the coast now.  Beautiful view at his house."

"Are you still drugged perhaps?" Woolsey asked.

"Doctor Lam said no.  She was sure it was an infection of Xander's dirty mind."

Woolsey walked off shaking his head.  "I don't want or need to know."

"General Landry said the same thing when he had us rescued."  He looked at the waiting Marines.  "Clothes, personal hygiene items, towels and sheets?"  They grabbed the boxes to haul them off.  "The top box has tied bags with names on them from personal shopping lists," he called after them.  He looked at the remaining one, his second-in-command.  "Now that the insanity in my life is down again, did I miss anything?"

"Not yet, Colonel."

John smirked.  "I managed to hold it off.  Really."

"Was it bad?" Rodney asked, then covered his mouth for a second.

"Nope.  He's very fun.  Bouncy, a bit hyper, but fun."  He shrugged and walked off with them.  "He did invite you and Ronon to a cookout the next time we're up that way, Rodney."

"That's fine I suppose.  Not Teyla?"

"He doesn't want to warp her or see if the slayer specialness disease is catching somehow from him."

"I see."  He stopped him to look at.  "Perhaps we should hit the infirmary?"

"I'm fine.  She checked me over before I got sent back.  Your bag was in that top box too."  Rodney glared at him.  He stared back.  "Yell at the aunts.  They've been trying to get this plan going for years."  He looked at his second-in-command.  "Xander wasn't in LA.  He was in Africa at the time."

"The one-eyed one who sent the beer after LA?" he asked.  John nodded with a small grin.  "He sounds....interesting."

"He's a nice guy.  O'Neill wanted to recruit him for the longest time."

His second simply nodded at that statement.

"It'd make it easier if your aunts won," Rodney said dryly.

"Yeah but I'd have to make sure I got stuff done."  He walked off again.  "I have seven reports we have to correct and send back, only two of them are mine."  He handed over the USB keychain.  "O'Neill likes grammar rules."  He went to hand those to Woolsey.  He looked at Rodney once he was in his office.  "So?"

"Are you sane!" he hissed.  "You just admitted that your aunts wanted you to be gay in front of the Marines."

"Which means they might protect me from the aunts!" he shot back.  "Or Rosenburg and the slayers!"

One of the marines tapped then walked in.  "Sir, most of us could care less where you stick it as long as it's not bad for the project.  Since he likes to spoil you and calm you down, we don't rightly care."

John smiled.  "Thanks for that.  We're all fighting it very hard."

"It might make you relax again."

"I'm hoping that there's not a general call out for hunters to take up a duty for the US," he admitted.  "Some people are calling for it.  Last time they went to torture for science and happies as Xander put it.  His group ended it.  He was in the Sunnydale group."

"The dark haired young guy?"  John nodded.  "He's cute, sir."  He smirked.  "The few bigots on base know to shut up about it.  If it happens, so be it.  We'll let one of you kick their asses in practice.  If not, then maybe your next one won't want to kill you."

"Xander was dating arms dealers in Africa and a few mercenaries."

The marine nodded.  "You're definitely better for him and he sounds like he's dangerous enough for you, sir.  I'll let them know it's a mercy marriage to keep you both out of trouble.  Don't worry about us."  He left them alone.

John smirked at Rodney.  "I have some good people under me."

"You may but the scientists are a bit more provincial."

"Half of them don't know what sex is, McKay."  Ronon walked in with the USB key.  "Woolsey unhappy?"

"Very."  He stared at him.  "He's a strong warrior."

"Who quipped that he thought I was dating you.  Again."

"That has been suggested by some of the Marines," Ronon admitted.  "I told them women sound and taste better.  One asked me if my people ate others."

"Some of them are a bit dumb," he admitted dryly.  "You're invited for a cookout sometime when we're up that way."

"That's fine.  I trust your cousin not to harm us."  He looked him over.  "You can stand.  It must not have been good."

"That was Friday, Ronon.  The drugs only lasted about four hours.  I've been able to sit since later that night."

"Pity.  You could use the stress relief."

"After what the spell did to me?  I couldn't get it up for two days.  Sorry but I got more than enough until Rodney or Radek blow something else up."

Ronon hmmed.  "It sounds like fun."  He walked off again.  "Maybe when I find a woman."

"The slayers wanted to hit on you."

"They're too young and inexperienced.  It'd have to be one who could keep up with me."

"I'll introduce you to Faith," he called after him.  He looked at the stunned stupid scientist next to him.  "McKay?"

Rodney shook himself free.  "How did you do that?" he hissed.

"Herbs drugging us.  They were insistent.  Anything else you want to know?"

"Are you and he....?"

"The aunts added in Tony by accident.  They decided I needed a harem.  Or he needed one to calm him down.

"That's ...too dirty for my mind."  He walked off rubbing his forehead.  Perhaps a nap would clear it but then he might have thoughts he didn't want all night.  He didn't want to imagine that.

John sat down to fix his two reports and send them back.  Then he went to see Woolsey since an IM had popped up ordering him to.  He walked that way.  "You needed to see me?"

"Thank you for the new treats.  Are you in shape for duty?"

"That was Friday.  I got the weekend off to recover and help him finish moving."

"I see.  The Marines don't mind?  I noticed the visit."

"He said they don't.  Ronon thought it'd calm both of us down."

"That's fine.  I don't want to hear any details."

"Not like the bonding took, Woolsey.  Otherwise I'd have a roommate or two by now.  We'd have an NCIS person here too since the aunts accidentally included him."

"Have they known?"

"Yes.  Since the first time I had to go help Xander.  Back in Antarctica.   I told the base commander then that the aunts wanted us to marry but we ignored them."

"I suppose that happens in some families."

"They want the stronger warriors to have backup and someone to help train the next generation, sir."

"That's reasonable with what your family does."  He stared at him.  "Is it likely to become an issue?"

"Not in my mind."

"Good."  He shifted in his chair.  "Where is your cousin?"

"Up the coast by about an hour.  He has a great house that has moving walls over most of it so he can have it open.  He's used to be in the open after nearly a year in Africa."

"I'm sure he learned a lot over there.  Are there other things that will tear you from this project at a moment's notice?"

"He hasn't foreseen anything.  The usual apocalypses will now be in Cleveland.  They have all the slayers there for that.  He's on for apocalypse duty but I'm a call of last resort.  The last few were just that bad."

"Yes they were," he agreed quietly.  "What if some senators do get their way?"

"I hope I'm exempt due to this.  I talked with a few of the roaming hunters and they said that most of them are avoiding it like the plague.  A few have taken that money option if they spilled stories and gave information but never about another hunter.  Xander was warned last night that some of them *really* want to talk to him.  His answer was 'call Cleveland'."

"Better.  I don't like that sort of ...habit."

"It's like being in an eternal war, Woolsey.  Those that roam, they take out a target and move on while saving people.  For those like Xander who hunted on the hellmouth it's a constant combat zone with some friendlies who're demon and some who aren't so friendly.  For the longest time, slayers were 'kill them all' but the current ones do learn the different species and only take out the ones causing problems.  Yes, he did say it was a lot like combat, killing and moving onto the next target."

"So hunting is like the hell of an eternal Vietnam," he decided.

"That's about how it sounds.  I've never been more than trained in case it became necessary."

"That's good.  So no more apocalypses?"

"The big ones happen in the spring.  There's usually some activity in the fall but recently that's been human created instead of demon created.  If I get a call out, it's horrible."

"Some people thought you simply took off again."

"No, sir, that's one reason why I told them what happened in the control room."

"It will probably go down in Atlantis history as one of the most bizarre kidnapings," he decided with a small sigh at the end.  "So you're back to duty?"

"Yes."

"Good.  Fortunately you do have a few vacation days left if you wanted to go visit him."

"I can do that now and then when I have a weekend off.  He's invited Ronon and Rodney too."

"Not Teyla?"

"He's not sure if what makes slayers treat him like he's dumb will rub off on her yet."

"That's reasonable I suppose."  He stared at him.  "Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine.  Doctor Lam made sure I was fit for duty.  The drugging we took is totally out of our system.  Even if he was here I wouldn't need to cuddle him unless he was pouting."

"That's what happens among people who are close from what I've seen.  Fine.  Go back to work.  What was wrong with the reports?"

"General O'Neill loves grammar."

"Oh, that stuff.  Fine.  Dismissed."  John went back to his office.  Woolsey got back to his reports.  This was definitely one of the strangest stories to come from Atlantis.  And it happened here on Earth.

***

Tony walked into work Monday morning.  "I'm back."  McGee stared at him.  "What?"

"What happened to you Friday?"

"The aunts decided I should be married to Xander and John."

"Your cousins?" he asked hesitantly.  Tony nodded, sitting down.  "Are you all right?"

"We managed to fight off the drugging enough so I'm not married," he said dryly.  "Xander got word of an inheritance and a house out by San Francisco.  Beautiful views.  Very open."  Gibbs strolled in.  "Morning, boss."

"You fit for duty?"

"Not even sore," he assured him.  "John said that the stuff they drugged us with is out of his system so it's out of mine too most likely."

"Good."  He stared at him.  "You managed to fight it off?"

"Yes, boss.  I'm not married to either of them."

"Even better.  Your cousin's nice but a bit...harder than makes anyone comfortable."

"He's also fallen back to rear guard/apocalypse support.  He's moved into his new house.  Gotten a haircut thanks to John and a few friends that came to help him bless the house."

"Even better," he decided.  "Rosenburg is in deep if she tries anything so stupid again.  She's on probation.  She's also back in England."

"There's a very strong coven over there that's been watching over her since the time she hurt Xander in her grief.  I had to run to Sunnydale then."

"I remember that.  It's good she's healed some but addiction is hard."  Tony nodded he knew that.  "You can't....."

"Hell no."

"Good."  He gave him a dirty look.  "You have a report to do."  Tony pulled it out of his bag and tossed it over.  "You did it at home?"

"Not much else to do.  My DVD player isn't working at the moment and I couldn't sit."

"I don't need to know," he complained.  He read it over and put it into the folder.  "Anything else coming?"

"Not that they've heard.  If so, they're in Cleveland."

"Which does not make me happy," McGee said.  "It's too close to DC.  Things could spread."

"There's groups that'll form a fence if they have to," Tony assured him.  "John's unit does that if necessary since he had to get a few involved in that."  McGee relaxed at that.  "We did before Sunnydale fell in.  That's why I got called out to deal with stupid people."  He looked at Gibbs again.  "It should not interfere unless something comes here to track me down.  Though, if some senators get their way, I'll move to Mexico.  I'll send you a postcard."

"You're already in federal service.  They can't make you do more, DiNozzo.  Your cousin John either.  Xander would be more iffy but they might make him in training or command."

Tony snorted.  "He'd never take it."  He turned on his computer, finding a message from the director in his email.  "Boss, upstairs?"

He looked over and grimaced.  "No idea."

"Going."  He went up there, waving at the door.  The secretary nodded so he walked in.  "You wanted to see me, Director?"

"I heard what happened on Friday, DiNozzo."

"We managed to fight it off enough so the bonding didn't take."

"I see."  She stared at him.  "If I had known you went that way....."

Tony interrupted.  "I don't, Director, and you asking that is a violation of federal law."  She glared.  He stared back.  "Don't ask, don't tell applies to us as well," he said firmly.  "As I said, I fought it off long enough that I'm not married to my fifth cousins.  Is there anything else you wanted to know about?"

"You don't have to be so uptight.  I could offer you some undercover time."

"No thank you."

"Are you sure?  It could be a boost to your career."

Tony stared at her for a moment.  "Director, if I wanted to boost my career on my back, I'd go sleep with a few senators who've hit on me," he said bluntly.  "Male and female.  I *earned* my way to the top.  I don't have to do pity fucking to get there."  He walked off.  "Boss, she decided I could sleep my way to a better post.  I told her no."  He sat down again.

"I'll deal with her whenever she shows up," he said quietly.  "Are you sure you're all right?"

"I bluntly told her we had fought off the drugging so I'm not married to my fifth cousin.  She suggested I could be doing some undercover work.  I said if I wanted to get a higher post on my back, there's senators of both sexes that've hit on me.  Then I walked out."

"That's an answer I like."

"Senators?" McGee asked.

"Six or seven now," Gibbs told him.  "Three female."  Tony nodded.  "During investigations."

"One was during one of those charming black tie events we all hate to attend," Tony told him.  "Watch out for Missouri's senator, Probie.  She thinks you're cute."  McGee shuddered, shaking his head with a small moan.  "Exactly."  He looked at Gibbs.  "So, boss, new case?" he asked, sounding hopeful.

"Not yet.  Don't go make one either," he said when he spotted the director and Ducky coming down the stairs together.  He saw Tony had noticed.  "Ducky, anything new coming in down there?"

"Not yet, Jethro."  He looked at Tony.  "Anthony, do you perhaps need to see someone?"

"No, why would I?" he asked, staring at him.  "You saw me Saturday, Ducky.  Did I need to see someone then?"

"Well, no," he admitted.

"Then why would I need to see someone now?  I may be a bit pissed at my aunts, but other than that I'm perfectly fine."

"It can be traumatic," he started.

Tony snorted.  "I dabbled back in my frat days, Ducky.  On top only but I still dabbled.  It's not the guy I am.  So no, not a problem.  Even if I did, Xander and John would be highly overprotective, would growl worse than Gibbs does whenever I got hurt, and would eat people who annoyed me."  He stared him down.  "Since they're out on the west coast...."

"Good to hear," Ducky said with a smile.  "If you should need to talk...."

"I know where your office is and Xander has some *wonderful* plans on how to get back at the aunts.  Including making the slayers adopt them."  Ducky snorted, walking off shaking his head.  He stared at the director.  "Believe it or not, I am capable of going to seek help when I need it, Director.  I have been since I was very young."  She huffed off.  He glared at Gibbs, who nodded he'd take care of it.  "Thank you," he mouthed, getting back to his official email.   "Boss, SecNav wrote."  He forwarded it since it was a cute memo.

Gibbs read it, shaking his head.  "I doubt it.  You already have federal service.  It counts."  He sent him an email stating that and to leave his agent alone before he left the agency.   Since most higher ups didn't want to see Gibbs without a buffer between him and them, they liked Tony on his team.  He spoke their language and translated back into non-greedy human.

"Hey, boss, one of the other cousins suggested I start testing congress members for selling their souls," Tony joked.  "He thinks if we can take out the corruption at the top of the chain it might slow down the lesser problems."  He grinned at him.

Gibbs was staring at him oddly.  "I don't think I want to know how many members of congress or agency heads have sold parts of their soul for power, DiNozzo.  If you do, do it on your own time."

"I'd never want to get that close to them, boss.  They might hit on me some more.  How I got Xander's bad girl magnet power I never have known but I remember dating good girls before."

"Huh?" McGee asked, staring at him.

"If they're deadly, bad, or slightly evil girls, they're attracted to Xander.  That's why we can't have him in DC for too long."

Gibbs nodded.  "Definitely keep him out of the city, DiNozzo.  Another thing I don't want to see.  Did he give you any more information?"

"Some arms dealers I've passed on since they weren't military related.  A few other things."  He shrugged.  "That one commando team having a problem.  He said he slept with a few mercenaries.  One arms dealer to get free when he got caught handling a problem.  Some local problems that were still minor compared to a warlord."

"Good!  Keep him on that coast or Cleveland."

"He said he wants to do some more traveling."

Gibbs nodded.  "It's good for you.  Teaches you things."

"That and he said there's a few arms dealers he wants to remind to leave him alone."

Gibbs shook his head.  "No, I don't think that's wise."

"He's twenty-two, Gibbs.  How many of us were wise then?"

"I'll write him an email," he complained.  Tony forwarded one to him.  "Thank you."  He saved the address down and started a new one to the kid to remind him that retired meant out of trouble for everyone, including him.

***

Don came onto the dream plane swearing.  "Damn demons!" he shouted.

Xander showed up a minute later.  "What?  You interrupted my painting."

"What?"

"New house.  Painting."

"Oh."  He scowled.  "Damn demons in New York."

"The slayer in New York's name is Candy Mysis.   She's in upper Harlem.  She's a cute little girl, about seventeen."

Don blinked.  "You got a list of who's where?"

"My opinion was asked for.  She's native."

"Okay," he decided.  "Seventeen is awfully young."

"Some got called a lot younger.  You have to be seventeen to go out to a field position."

Don nodded.  "So she can help the ones picketing City Hall?"

"No clue.  Are they being peaceful?"

"They're annoying!"

"I don't care, Don."  Don scowled.  He stared back.  "Slayers are to take out demons causing problems, like those who hunt or start apocalypses.  Not the peaceful ones."

"I have no idea what they are but they're annoying and want the right to eat people."

"Then probably not harmless.  Call her.  She's in the phone book."

Don sighed, calming down.  "Thanks, Xander.  Want to come visit?"

Xander shrugged.  "Don't know.  Want to come out?  I've got a beautiful house and no stress."

"I might take you up on that since the city wanted me to make 'em go away."  He faded, going back to his body.  He woke up from his nap in the locker room, going to the nearest system to look her up.  Then he called.  "Miss Mysis, Detective Don Flack.  Have you seen the news?"  He smirked.  "No, my cousin Xander gave me your name.  Please.  I'll meet you there."  He hung up.  He hated that his bosses had seen what had happened in LA and that he had been there.  He wanted a handy obliviate right about now.  He stomped off.  "Mac, c'mon!  You're coming with me."

"Where?" he called, giving him a dirty look.

Don glared at him.  "City Hall.  Since you so thoughtfully told my bosses where I was so they could spot me in LA, I got called to handle them protesting.  Now, get shit and let's go."

"Fine," he agreed, trying to stay calm.  "What do I know about them?"

"I don't care!  You got me noted, you can help me handle it.  If I have to, I'll send you to my cousin so he'll teach you."  Mac groaned but went to get his kit and follow him out to the car.  The demons were drawing attention.  The girl met them there.  She was clearly native.  "Miss Mysis?"

"I am.  Detective Flack?"

"Yes."

"Cool.  I only met Xander for a few days."  She walked through the crowd, him and the other cop behind her.  She cleared her throat, staring at a demon.  "Do you mind?  You're interrupting my soaps.  Not that it holds up to the drama in Cleveland, but I still wanted to see who she proposes to."

The demons stared at her.  One sniffed.  "Slayer," he moaned, moving closer.  He reached for her.  She broke his hand.  He howled but the rest backed off.  "Mean."

"Touch me again, flesh eater," she warned.  "I don't care if it is a peaceful protest.  Your kind eat living victims.  Get out of my city."  They ran.  She huffed and looked at Don.  "You need a better scary rep."

"I don't want a scary rep.  I'd rather be the call of last resort," he told her.

"That's fine."  She smiled.  "You're kinda cute too."  She pinched him on the butt as she walked past him.  "Your boyfriend's not too bad either."

"He's not mine."

She looked Mac over.  "He'd make a nice daddy."

"He spanks hard."

She smirked.  "Good."  She strolled off.  "I'm going back to school next week."

"That's fine.  Keep in touch please."

"Of course, sweetie.  Maybe you'll find more nummy looking things for me to tease."  She headed back to the subway.

Don glared at the mayor.  "Call her," he said bluntly.  "Not me."  He walked off.  Mac followed shaking his head.  He smirked once they were in the car.  "All slayers seem to love drama."

"She's a slayer?"

"Yup.  She's our city's slayer.  She's native.  In Harlem."

"Well, now I know," he decided.  "She won't really hit on me, right?"  Don stared at him.  He groaned.  "Never mind.  I'll brush up on my hand-to-hand in case I need it."

"She might like that.  Some do."  He drove off.  That would hopefully take care of some of the problems.

The mayor could choke, splutter, and complain all he wanted to the press.   Don was a last resort, not a first one.

***

Sam called their family friend Bobby once they were on the road again.  "Hey, Bobby, it's Sam.  Had a question for another guy.  Do you know anyone who has a demon hunting trained dog for sale?  No, not for us.  For Xander Harris.  Yeah, the one Tony DiNozzo called you to help that time by getting Dad to him.  Well, demons are still going to come after him.  He's back from Africa by about a week.  He's got a house.

"He's finding himself instead of jumping directly into hunting again.  Yeah, that's why.  He's a bit bouncy and hyper, but he needs it to be outdoor trained.  I know you trained Rumsfeld but I wasn't sure if you knew of anyone with a litter that was ready to be adopted.  Yeah, he'd love it and it'd help protect him.

"Especially if they hated magic since his aunts aren't against using it to drug him to try to marry him off.  Yeah, same guy.  You do?  Yeah, bouncy's great.  Xander's hyper, his house has all these moveable walls so he can feel the wind and things.  Huge house.  Like five bedrooms and we helped him destroy the working room huge house.  One level.  By the ocean.

"Have you heard about the mystical house tour?  It was on that.  The one with all the stained glass moving windows?  That one."  He grinned.  "That'd be great.  Yeah, I can give you his number."  He repeated it.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "He knows just which dog Xander needs.  One of his buddies has one and had to retire but he's got a very bouncy black lab that's about two years old."

"Xander would adore that," Dean agreed.  "It'd give him something to care about too.  Something to make him quit thinking and play again."

"Exactly," Sam agreed with a grin.  "He could use the bouncy time."  Dean shot him a pleased look.  "Do you think there's going to be more to that drama?"

"Yup," he answered.  "I'm sure the aunts are still trying."

"Damn.  Maybe we can watch the three of them destroy them."

"Maybe," Dean agreed.  "Or wave as they fly off to Devon, England."  Sam snickered, relaxing again.

***

John answered his email's summons, looking at the short message from his youngest aunt.  He clicked on the link since it said it was a present Xander might like for his next birthday.  Day-glo fetish wear popped up.  He stared at it, blinking a few times.  Then he replied that Xander didn't like those colors.  He liked the brighter reds and blue, the goth shades mostly.  Even if he did wear hawaiian shirts.  And he wouldn't look good in them anyway.  A few minutes later she sent one back of 'black leather is always appropriate'.

His reply said simply 'if you're a vampire'.

Her next message had suggestions of some wonderful restaurants and places in the city he was near.

He sent back that thanks to her stunt he had no vacation or off days left so he couldn't get off base.  Though he would pass those on so Xander could eat out and learn to like food that wasn't cooked over a fire again.  He waited but nothing new came for ten minutes so he was happier.  At least until Woolsey stomped into his office.  "Let me guess, the computer monitor saw my aunt's hints and decided to be offended like some Puritan virgin?"

"What were you doing?  He said something about leather and fetish gear?"

"She suggested that he might like some for his birthday.  I corrected her color choice and vetoed her next idea of black leather always being appropriate.  Then I had to point out that she had used up the last of my vacation days with their stunt a few weeks back when she suggested some nice restaurants in the city for a romantic dinner."

"I hate your aunts," Woolsey decided.

John nodded.  "I love my aunts *so* much I'd like to make them targets."

"Go ahead.  Some of the Marines could use some target practice."  He walked off shaking his head so he could reply back to the watcher over the computer usage.  Sheppard's aunts needed to be tranquilized.  Or euthanized.  Something to make them stop.

***

Tony got the same suggestions.  He sent back that the colors would look bad against him so therefore he wouldn't dream of buying them.  The black leather was nixed as being cheezy.  Which it was in a lot of ways.  Plus it'd give Xander bad ideas about them being turned.  The list of romantic dinner places in DC gave him a moment's thought.  "Boss, can I tell my aunts you won't let Xander take me out on a date?" he asked.

Gibbs stared at him.  "What?"

"Aunts."

Gibbs sighed, shaking his head.  "No, you can't go out on any dates with Xander in DC.  You don't have enough leave time to go to wherever he is to date him there either."

"Thanks, boss."  He sent that back verbatim.  The aunt sent back a huff and ordered him to check on their poor youngest husband.  He sent back that they weren't married. That was only legal in a few states and DC wasn't one of them yet.  Even if they had been in Massachusetts, it wasn't legal without going in front of a justice of the peace or a minister with the proper paperwork.  Since the aunts had forced them to be too busy to do that, it wasn't a legal marriage.  Even if it was, it'd mean he'd probably lose his job and his retirement accounts.  She didn't send back anything after that.  "Got a good site for Abby, boss," he said, sending it to both of them.  "From the aunts.  I don't know why since we'd all look sucky in those colors."

Gibbs stared at the site that popped up when he clicked on the link.  "Where are your aunts?" he asked calmly.

"One's in Pasadena, one somewhere in lower Texas, one's in Chicago I think.  Why, boss?"

"So I can have someone pick them up for being pushy and distracting you."

McGee shook his head.  "Abby sent back an IM saying that they're cute but not really in her colors, Tony."

"Mine either," he said dryly.  "Then she suggested black leather.  I kindly pointed out it would give Xander vampire hunting flashbacks."

Gibbs nodded, walking off calling someone to go talk to that trio of nosy aunts.  He wanted his normal agent back!

Tony smirked at McGee.  "Need the list of restaurants she sent me?"

"Please.  I might need them someday.  You don't?"

"I've been to most of them and I have favorite places to go on dates."  He forwarded the list.  McGee got to read the whole thing since his aunt hadn't cut out any of the prior messages.

The director stomped over to glare at him since Gibbs wasn't at his desk.  "Why is he looking at day-glo bodysuits?" she demanded.  "Is there an undercover I don't know about?"

"He's in the elevator," he said with a point.  "On the phone."  She went to get him out of the elevator so she could complain to him.  Ziva was giving him an odd look so he smirked.  "What?"

"You're evil," she said.

"Which means I should be attracted to Xander if I was female, but I'm not.  Are you attracted to my cousin, Ziva?"

"I've never met him," she said stiffly.

"Yes you have," McGee told her.  "He was the guy out here to get the Initiative mess straightened out."

"Yes, and I'd still like to kick their butts out of Homeland Security."  McGee gave him a worried look.  "That's where the ones who weren't arrested went, Probie.  They're in Homeland guarding our asses from people just like them."

"At least they won't have to profile so much," he said blandly.

Tony snickered.  "That's about the only good thing, yes."  He heard the director shriek and smirked.  "Sounds like he told her."  Gibbs popped him on the head extra hard on his way back to his desk.  "She asked, boss.  She didn't ask why I had, but why you had it and if it was for an undercover."

"Get some chocolate, DiNozzo.  You're going evil again."  Tony went to do that.  He shook his head, closing out the sites and his email.  "Anything else come of this?"

"She sent him a nice list of good restaurants that he handed over for my future dating needs," McGee said.  "He offered to introduce Ziva to his cousin, and said he'd rather kick the butts of the remaining Initiative people out of Homeland Security."

"Me too on that last part.  We won't let his cousin Xander warp Ziva though.  That's cruel and unusual punishment."

Tony came back giggling.  "Boss, Sam Winchester, one of the hunters we know, got Xander a dog."  He showed him the pictures.  "She's trained to hunt but her daddy retired."

"She's cute."

"She's supposed to be bouncy like he is."

"Even better.  A dog would do him some good."

"He's been doing a lot of thinking."

"Which is usual while you're finding yourself."  He stared at him.  "Is this relevant?"

"Happier family news."  He forwarded those to John's email, getting back a happy smiley face for it.  "John likes her too."  He sat down to nibble on his candy bar.  The director huffed back up the stairs with her own chocolate.  So maybe she had PMS again.   The horrified look on her face was probably priceless when she thought Gibbs was buying day-glo, latex fetish bodysuits.  He sent that idea to Abby, who easily hacked the security footage to get him a picture.  Yup, that was going in his special folder.  Gibbs glared at him so he got back to work.  For now.  He was having a happy day.

***

Xander looked down at his dog, getting an adoring look back.  "Hi, Muffin.  Are you happy here?  Do you like it?  Let's go explore."  He led the dog around the house under her last owner's careful watch.  She enjoyed the outside enough to mark a few spots.  She enjoyed the bedrooms enough to test jump on each bed to sniff them.  She rolled around on the bed that Dean had slept on.  She liked the kitchen, nuzzling his leg when he got into the fridge for some lunch meat to share with her.  The old owner laughed, shaking his head.  "It won't spoil her training, right?"

"No, it won't.  I trained her to get treats when she did good."

"Good."  He gave her half and nibbled on the other half.  "I can make you lunch if you want."

"No, boy.  She's happy, that's all I need to see."  She came over to sit and stare at him.  "Do you like him, Muffin?  He's a hunter too and he'll be good to you."  She looked at Xander then at him.  "Go to him, girl.  You're his dog now."  He stood up.  The dog stayed sitting, staring at him.  "Go to the boy."  He walked her back over.  She sat beside him, staring at him.  "Good girl."  Xander got down to pet her.  He smiled and left while she was distracted.  He heard a few barks from his truck but the boy had her toys and he saw a ball be thrown.  She was happily racing after it.  She'd do just fine with the boy.

***

Xander was doing a meditative kata someone had taught him when he heard the dog go to the front of the house.  She never went that way to pee so he came out of it to see who was there.  "Hi."

"Hi, Xander."

"Do I know you?"

"Sam Carter."

"Oh, yeah, you worked with John.  He said you were a mega-brainy science sort but you still kicked butt."

"He said that about me?"

"Over multiple talks, yeah."

She smiled.  "Good to know.  I'll have to tease him about that."  The dog kept staring at her.  "Is she friendly?"

"Muffin is very friendly."

She let the dog sniff her, getting down onto one knee to let it since it wasn't getting closer.  The dog bowled her over, standing on her chest, staring down at her.  "Huh."

"I didn't train her to do that," Xander admitted.  He came over.  "Muffin, leave the nice lady alone.  She won't steal me like Buffy tried to do last night."  Muffin got off her and licked her face before she could get up.  "Get the ball!" he said.  She ran to get it and he played while Sam got herself up.  "Sorry," he offered with a grin.

"She's good at defending you from blondes?" she teased with a smile of her own.  You had to.  The kid was goofy and cute.

"She met Buffy last night and hasn't really had a lot of fun with blondes recently."  He shrugged.  "Sorry."

"That's okay."  She followed him outside to sit near him.  The dog came out, curling up next to her.  "You're very loving," she praised, petting the dog.

"She's very cuddly," Xander agreed.  "So, is John in trouble?"

"No but some people higher up wanted me to come talk to you today."

"The hunting senators?"

"They wanted me to approach you as well but that's not why I'm here."

"Good.  I gave them the answer they should have, 'go talk to Giles'."  He shrugged a bit and shifted.  "So what's up?"

"Some of the higher ups are worried that this...attempted marriage is going to hurt John if he ends up in combat or something."

"He didn't call when I had to hunt down something last night that was trying to eat my palm tree so it'd squish me."

"So there's no bond?"

"John and I are tighter than the other cousins when it comes to the dream realm.  I can see stuff off him even when he's not sending it.  I'm guessing this is bringing that link a bit closer.  I have no idea but I'm not a great researcher and I have no idea where to begin to look up telepathic bonding rituals between trios of men."  She nodded slowly at that.  She was still petting the dog too.  "Tony called at the wrong moment and accidentally got sucked into it."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"He's still single and straight," he offered with a smile.  "A smart woman would be wonderful for him."

"Unfortunately I'm in Colorado and he's in DC."

"Hey, I had to try."

She smiled.  "You did.  So there's no carry-over?"

"Sometimes, when I'm really calm, I can feel whether or not John's agitated or asleep.  Anything really strong."  She nodded that she understood that.  "You're taking this awfully well."

"With what I've seen and done, a slightly telepathic link doesn't bother me, Xander."

"Cool, though I guess after meeting aliens I wouldn't freak out either."

"You knew?"

"Have known.  Willow hacked in to check on who John was.  She's always been concerned that the military will create another Initiative situation.  Me, I'll trust most of the military to a point.  Mostly not to want me for any reason.  Anyone that John trusts I'll trust deeper than that."

"Which is a good thing.  Even though you did steal that one weapon from the Army," she told him.

He shrugged.  "It was necessary."

"I can understand that.  We've had times when we had to use higher weapons and not think about the consequences because the situation was that bad."

"I heard something about that from the underground.  They were not happy.  Or with that McKay guy about his."

"Sometimes you have to though," she pointed out.  He nodded he knew that.  "So you're not going to out the project?"

"Why would I?  It would endanger John and others.  Frankly, if we're at war with strange things, I'd rather have a military unit that was trustworthy most of the time handle it than individual hunters like we have against the demon menace.  You guys can do things we'd go to jail for.  I fully expected someone to show up about that grenade launcher some day."

"No, it's listed as a necessary use and left there."  She looked down at the dog then at him again.  "So you won't out us even if someone asks?  There's some senators that know who hate us."

Xander nodded.   "I'm sure they'd hate me more but I don't care what anyone thinks anymore.  Especially since most of them have bitchy attitudes and don't know a thing about me.  Hell, even my friends didn't know me that well and they're friends."

"Good.  That was one thing we were worried about.  Do you think this bond you have with John will end up growing stronger?"

"I think if we both forced it to work, we could probably manipulate it that way but why?  Especially since neither of us really want to be married to the other.  If I wanted him that way, and he wanted me back, then we might be working on it.  If it was something that was going to protect us and we were hunting together, maybe.  But unless he suddenly switches off swanky women with good hair and legs, he won't want me."

She stared at him.  "I think if you two weren't cousins, you'd be scary best friends," she said.

He grinned.  "I'm a very scary best friend," he quipped.

"I'm sure you are.  Especially with the way you jump in to help others."  She smiled at him.  "John's got almost no leave time."

"None of that was me."

"I know.  There's an agent going to each of your aunts to order them to stop it or face jail time for kidnaping charges of an agent and an active duty service member, plus you."

"Theirs would carry more weight."

"Yes it would," she agreed.  "We're hoping they listen."

"Me too.  I like John.  He's one of my favorite people.  I don't want to ruin our friendship with the sex stuff.  It always makes things go odd and awkward when you add the sex stuff."

"Not always.  I'm still very good friends with someone I ended up in bed with thanks to an alien virus."

Xander smirked.  "I did hear a lot about that in the underground.  There was some betting that Doctor Jackson was a bit pissed."

"Not really."  She smiled at the dog.  Then at the boy.  "Do you think it might help if you increased your awareness of him?  That way you could help him if he was in danger again?"

"I think that'd be like unrequited love," he pointed out.  "Some day I'd like to have someone who meant a lot to me again.  I doubt they'd understand that sort of bond being in place.  Even if it wouldn't hurt me."

"I can definitely understand that reason.  If you do feel that he's in danger will you call someone?"

"I've got General Jack's and Doctor Jackson's numbers."

"I can give you mine."  She wrote it down for him.  "I'm basically on base most of the time anymore."  Xander grinned and nodded.  "You know, Jack was still thinking about recruiting you, Xander.  You could do a lot of good on our projects."

He shrugged.  "I'd probably irritate them and draw all the evil women to want to invade so they could have me.  That would suck for whoever was on my team."

"We have Sheppard already doing that," she said dryly.  "Plus Jack, Cam, and Daniel."  He snickered.  "If you want to think about it, call us.  We'll gladly tell you how it goes."

Xander shrugged.  "I have the memories of  a soldier already, Sam.  It's helped a lot but right now I need to finish finding myself.  I kinda lost myself in all the drama that was Sunnydale.  I was starting to feel very invisible again."

"Combat can do that to you," she said quietly, looking at him.  "You feel like you start to lose yourself to all the things you see, all that you have to do to protect others.  Then one day you wake up and realize you're not the person you thought you were and if you're still human you feel really grateful.  You try to take a vacation to get it back but it's like there's an invisible wall between you and most people.  They can't understand combat, or in your case hunting, and you can't understand how they sit there, having shallow little lives that don't really mean anything when you've had to do what you've done."

"Exactly," Xander agreed.  "I'm doing good getting back the 'me' part but I think I've been missing him for years.  Between the girls and their ways of wearing me down so I'd go away because I was supposedly so normal and couldn't do the job like I had been for years, and the drama with Anya, all that stuff, I think I've been lost since about high school."

She nodded.  "Going to Africa was probably the best thing you could've done for yourself.  You learned a lot about yourself.  As you finish working it out, you might even find a job that you like more than you did carpentry."

"I love carpentry but the depth perception thing sucks right now."

She nodded.  "I'm guessing it would with only one eye."  She smiled.  "You'll get there.  Start by seeing if you still like the same fun things and food.  That's something that changes as you get older, the same as your personality does, but some things remain the same."

"I've been doing some of that.  I realized how shallow I was back then."

"You were a teenager.  You're supposed to be shallow."  He shrugged at that, grimacing a bit.  "Really.  It's what all kids are until they're forced out of it by life.  Some people never grow out of it."

"There's one of those at the grocery store," he agreed.  She laughed.   "I'll think about it but I don't think I'm ready yet."

"I can agree.  Once you've figured more of yourself out, then think about it.  For right now, finding yourself again is a higher calling.  Especially when an apocalypse could happen any month now."

"In Cleveland," he pointed out.

"Which the people in DC hate.  It's too close to them and they're all worried about demons taking over Congress or Homeland or something."

"With how many of them probably made deals?  Too late on part of that," he said dryly.

"Tony got suggested for looking at that issue.  His boss told him he couldn't.  He'd be creeped out."

"Yeah, me too."  He grinned.  "So the person listening in?"

"There is?"

He pointed.  "There's almost no one out here.  I heard a car right after you came in."

"Damn it," she muttered.  She heard the car drive off.  "I'll get them later," she promised. "Or I'll tell Jack and let him chew on someone.  He's bored this week."

"John did have a complaint."  She looked at him.  "He said some of the guys were getting antsy."

"They could use some shore leave," she agreed.  "I'll bring up that point since no one's seeing common sense."  She stood up.  The dog looked at her.  "You're a good dog, Muffin."  She looked at Xander again.  "You call if you need me.  Not like I'm not used to helping save the earth too."

"Cleveland could probably use some more watchers with common sense," he offered with a smirk.

"I'd end up spanking some shallow thing.  Because I know all teenagers go that way now and then."  She smiled.  "But I'll think about it."  She ruffled his hair then left him alone.  She had to find out who was spying.  She found them waiting on her back at her house.  NID.  Yay!  She stared at them.  One male, lesser agent, and one female pushy one that she was going to smite.  "Didn't he promise to destroy you people if you came near him again?" she demanded.  She pushed her emergency switch.   Ten minutes tops and she'd have backup.

"I need to talk to you about the boy you were talking with," she said bluntly.  "We think he's not a human.  We're sure he's not an alien but we don't know what he is."

"He's very human.  I could tell if he wasn't."

"His bloodwork done by your base's labs says he's not."

She snorted.  "You're full of it.  Really.  He's a normal man."

"Why does he have other's memories?"

"From what I've heard, it was from a possession caused by a chaos sorcerer in his eleventh grade year."  Two MP's came rushing in.  "She's NID, she wants a relative of someone in the project for testing.  Drag them back to Landry," she said, pulling up her ID.  "Before she kills another civilian."

"He's not human!" she said, struggling against them.

She called the boy, putting it on speaker.  "Xander, I found out who it was.  It was NID."

"Why did the crackpot patrol of torture whores want to know about me this time?" he asked.  "Not like their Initiative file on me was any good."

"She says you're not human."

"I was exposed to mermaid essence back in high school.  We fully detoxed it.  Two possessions.  My time in Africa.  Which one is she talking about?"

Sam took the papers in the woman's bag to look at.  "These say he's perfectly human, just better than average.  Since he's been hunting demons for nearly ten years now, I'd expect that.  Xander, I'm having her arrested.  Watch yourself."

"I always do around them.  Hell, if they come here, I'll let Buffy have them.  Or Willow.  They love them just as much as I do."  He hung up.

Sam smirked.  "I'm coming with you."

"Captain, the general's coming," one said.

"That's fine.  Search her here to make sure she doesn't have any other weapons on her.  NID are like that and enjoy it."  Landry walked in while they were frisking her.  "Sir.  She's decided Mr. Harris is not human.  She was eavesdropping on our talk."

"I hate these freaks.  Anything that points to it?"

"No.  Not in the bloodwork.  He's simply well trained.  He did mention he had been exposed to what he termed mermaid essence but it was detoxed.  A few possessions."

"I don't need to know unless he's coming in."

"He has some time yet to finish refinding himself," she said quietly.

"I can totally understand that.  I did that after a lot of battles."  He looked at the struggling woman.  "We'll arrest her for now, boys."  They nodded, dragging her to the car.  "What showed up that was different?"

Sam looked them over, pointing at something.  "That's something I've seen in Teal'c's blood, it means he uses oxygen better so more's getting to his cells."  She looked over the other pages.  "Other than that, it seems perfectly normal."  She let him have them.  "I have no idea, sir.  I would warn Doctor Lam that she's got a leak."

"I'll definitely do that," he assured her.  "Be safe."

"Oh, general.  He said that some of John's coworkers have been getting antsy."

"Shore leave," he groaned.

"Probably, yes."

"I'll arrange that today.  Thank you for reminding me."

"Not a problem, sir."  He left, leaving her to think about things.  She had been where the kid was.  It had reaffirmed her seriousness in science.  With that kid, it was a toss up if it would send him back to hunting or not.  He might try being normal for a bit.

***

John sat up when his system beeped a new email sound.  He opened it and smirked.  That was an excellent idea.  He sent back a list of people he had sent off for an extra afternoon off.  They got approved immediately.  He called a base-wide meeting, going to look at everyone.  "If I read your name, SGC says you have a week's pass," he said once they were all there.  Woolsey glared at him.  "I sent the most critical first.  You're to pick the next fifty to go, in batches of twenty or so."

He looked at the group, reading off names.  Those people cheered.  He looked down at them again.  "The rest of you, put in request paperwork.  If you're that burned out, make sure we know that.  It goes through Woolsey like normal but General Landry lost his email address."  He handed over the order.  "Shoo."  They left to pack or fill out forms.  He looked at the head of the expedition.  "He really did lose your email address."

"I see that."  He glared at him.  "Those who're going?"

"Needed emergency relief from duties in the last week."

"I suppose that's fine.  That leaves me ten more to go at this time and then another twenty for the next batch."

"At your discretion if something comes up like a family event," he agreed.  "I've got a priority list I was going to send over later this week for leave requests."

"Family events?"

"One.  His sister's getting married next week.  I already added him.  I was going to have Willow steal him for a few hours."  He walked off.

Woolsey shook his head.  "That's irregular," he complained but it was already done so he couldn't refute it.  He got the list a minute later and it had a long list of names in priority of who needed it first and how long it had been since they'd had any.  Some of the people hadn't been off Atlantis in three years.  Those people should go first if they wanted to.  And the pregnant woman.  He didn't want her to deliver here.  It'd look bad.

McKay stomped in thirty-two minutes after he had sent that additional list.  "If you send her off, you have to send her husband," he pointed out.  "He'll have to be wherever she delivers."  He walked off shaking his head and muttering about pissing off the scary, pregnant woman in the labs.

"I didn't know she was married," Woolsey muttered.  McKay went onto the list for the next set going before he lost any more brain cells from the job.  His language skills were leaving him again with what he was muttering.

John leaned in a minute later.  "Fair warning."  Woolsey moaned, holding his head.  "NID wants to test Xander to see why they think he's not normal.  He is but he's trained so they're wondering about things.  They're idiots and Xander wants to destroy their whole base.  So if they come....."

"I'll make sure you can hide and take him with you," he said dryly.

"Thanks."  He smirked.  "And his dog."  He left him to his misery.  "Put Milkins back on please.  His wife's claiming she's going to divorce him."

"Fine."  He added that name and the husband's name, amending his prior orders.  That made for two more happy people.  The rest had nearly buried him in leave requests.  He sorted them out and prioritized by length of time being gone, if it was something like a family wedding or just a general 'please give me time off' request, and how long they wanted.  Some people wanted a lot more leave time than they could probably get.  Well, unless they broke their leg or something while they were gone.

***

Xander walked into Tony's unit six days later, staring at him.  "If I ask politely would you please have your boss growl his little growl at the idiots so I don't have to shoot any more of them for breaking into my house?"

"Huh?" he asked.  "Boss!"  He looked at Xander.  "Which idiots?  We're in DC, that's not real descriptive around here."

"Xander," Gibbs said as he came around the other end of the row.

"Can you please growl at the idiots I have locked in my trunk downstairs for me?"

"Why?"

"They're NID and sent by the wonderful Captain Finn, who's now decided I'm not human.  They said so when I questioned them."

"Didn't your local police...." Gibbs started.  Xander gave him a dirty look.  "Do they know?"

"Yup, and I called someone who said to present them to you since Finn was Army but now he's Homeland.  They said to let you work your scary magic and she'd help shut them down again while you watched them cry."

"I can do that.  DiNozzo, go help him bring them to an interrogation room.  How did you get them here?" he asked Xander.

"Private flight."  He smirked.  "They're very sorry."  He walked off with Tony.  "Did you get funny links from one of the aunts?"

"Day-glo fetish gear?"

"Yeah and I got one for leather.  So I kindly told her what I saw of what the vampire me would become.  She was crying and said she'd quit suggesting leather."  They walked around the guards staring at his trunk.  "NID agents, guys.  They're probably diseased."

"They're going to an interrogation room," Tony ordered.  The guards helped them pull them out.  They had been pressed very tightly in there.  He had no idea how Xander had gotten five of them into the extra-roomy trunk.  Two were still crying.  Xander followed.  "Xander, since they're in custody you can't make them cry anymore.  That's mine and Gibbs' fun."

"Sure, have fun with that," Xander agreed.  He followed them into an interrogation room.  Gibbs came in after them and shut the door.  "Hey, Gibbs, can't we make them leave me alone somehow?"

"I've called the agents who should arrest them.  They'll look into stopping them for you, Xander."  He looked at the boy.  "Why don't you take DiNozzo and calm down?  That way he doesn't have to scare them too much."

"But they're pretty when they cry," Xander said dryly.

"Yes, but they can't confess when they're sobbing like five-year-old girls.  What did you do to them anyway?"

"Things I learned off a roommate."  He walked off with Tony.

"You did what Spike would've?" Tony asked as they walked.  "Let me introduce you to Abby.  She's nice so you probably won't get to hit on her, but she's a good friend."  Maybe she could get him to calm down.  Xander using Spike's playbook was a very bad omen of Xander going evil to protect himself.  They all wanted to keep Xander out of evil bitch mode.

"Sure, I could learn to like knowing sweet girls instead of Buffy and Willow types."

"They might be better now too."  Xander shot a look at him.  "Still?" he asked quietly, stopping them in the hallway.

"Willow was all 'it's good that they're making you gay' last night when she called.  Buffy was making it sound like a soap opera out there ready to go boom.  That plus the older stuff.  I mean, did they really ever see *me*?  Even Willow, who thought she could tell my pulse across the room?  Is that why I considered being with Anya normal?"

"I think you're very special for helping her so much," Tony told him.  Xander relaxed and grinned again.  "Most people wouldn't have taken the time to help her move on that much.  I know John and I both thought she was a harpy who needed new nest linings."  Xander grimaced but shrugged.  "But if being the helping one of your relationships is good for you then I'm all for it as long as you find someone that won't drag you down with them."

"She did eventually quit wanting her powers back," he offered.

"That means you helped her heal, Xander, and that's a great thing, but we both thought it had a lot to do with your low self esteem.  Which, granted, was partially your parents and partially them pushing you aside all the time."  He brushed some of the boy's hair off his face.  "You need another hair cut."

"I barely got this one."

"It looks good on you."  He stared into the brown eye and eyepatch.  "I think, that since you're growing up and taking a long look at what you want and what's around you, that you taking a look at them is reasonable.  I also think that some of the damage they did to you might never heal unless you can work your way through it.  I'm not saying go to therapy if that's not what you want to do, but I do think that maybe you stepping back from hunting for a bit is a good thing.  It'll help you be more yourself and not just the same Xander mask you've worn for years.  Because we knew there was more to you than they saw back in high school."  Xander nodded at that.  "We were waiting for you to see that."

"I think I did the night I stopped Jack in the basement," he admitted quietly.  "I realized then I could do it on my own."

"Yes you can.  But you shouldn't have to be alone.  You get morose and pout when you're alone.  That's why we were so happy that you got Muffin.  Speaking of...."

"Neighbor just to the right is feeding her for me tonight."

"That's fine."  He gave the boy a hug, letting him sink against him.  "You're doing good rebuilding yourself, Xander.  Never doubt it.  Some of this is the extreme introspection that all the hunting is making you do.  Though, I will tell you that even if you go back, there's a different Xander for hunting than there is for off-times."  He grinned down at the boy, who smirked back.  "That's normal human behavior.  We're all different under stress."

"Thanks, Tony."

"Welcome."  He let him go.  "C'mon, we'll let Abby pump you for information on vampires."

"Why?"

"She's kind of goth."

"Oh, cool."  They walked into the lab together, finding Ducky in there talking to her.  "Tony said I should come meet you before I got any more ideas about making NID agents cry from my former roommate Spike."

"You had a roommate named Spike?"

"Yeah, he decided to quit being William when he was turned way back when."  She stared.  He grinned.  "Anyway, we left Gibbs with the NID whiney babies up the hall."

"I should get back to make sure they don't try to hurt him," Tony admitted.  "Abby, can you watch my cousin Xander for me?"

"I sure can."  She pulled him over to a stool, looking him over once Ducky and Tony had left.  "You dressed up to come see Tony?"

"I thought since it's DC I might get ambushed by the same people I told to go to Cleveland if they wanted to talk about hunting.  It's better to tell them to bugger off if I'm dressed up instead of in dirty jeans or something like gi pants."

"That could be," she agreed.  "So.  You hunted vampires?"

"And anything else that needed hunted on my hellmouth with our slayer."

"Wow, so you know Buffy.  You're that Xander," she realized.

He grinned and nodded.  "Yup.  Taking time off to see what I want to do now."

"That's very cool.  Besides, I doubt your body can react as well now as it did when you were seventeen."

"No, not really.  It aches more now," he admitted.  She giggled and nodded she understood about that.  "So what do you do?"

"I'm the forensic goddess around here."

"I have no idea what that is," he admitted.  "Beyond what they show on the Discovery channel.  I should've done better in school."

"Some people are people smart and situation smart instead of book smart, Xander.  The book smart are different anyway."  She smirked.  "Beyond that, there's plenty of people who'd rather be you than me."

"Yeah but they all think that you win the heroine and swing off with her while your slayer goes to hunt down the next nasty thing."

"True, but not all are like that.  There's some agents trying to work out a hunting curriculum at a local college.  Even with your Mr. Giles' help."

He considered it.  "PE for stamina.  Martial arts, weapons.  Sometimes you need hand-to-hand or staking, sometimes you need guns - depending on what you're hunting.  And sometimes you need explosives.  Criminology or something else that'll teach you how to hunt down someone by figuring out who they are and why they did it.  Sometimes that's important.  Definite tracking skills needed through all sorts of environments.  Including urban ones and in the sewers.

"Languages because most of the books are in latin or funky ones that have no relation to anything you can study anywhere else.  Field medic skills at the very least.  Insurance companies don't really like it when you get staked on your own stake.  I've done a lot of our stitches and pulled some too.  Plus knowing when something's broken versus sprained has helped.  Research skills will be necessary for the book work."  He looked at her.  "Beyond that, the rest is personal, depending on what you hunt, and fashion decisions.  Some of the slayers go out like Buffy did in clubbing clothes.  I went out in things I could get slime out of."

She finished that note and put it under her keyboard.  "I'll write that to them later," she promised.  "What about teaching the actual hunting?  Do you think you might go that way?"

He shrugged.  "I think half of them, if they're agents, have probably already killed in the field."  She gave him a horrified look.  "Even if they're former people, going whoosh still ends their unlife.  That's something that'll drag them down more than anything."

"You know, I never considered it that way."

He smiled.  "I didn't want to think about it until I had to take some time to look at my life in Africa."

"But that's a good thing," she reminded him.  "Because you can't be sixteen forever."

"No, I can't," he agreed with a slight smile.  "Even if I do have just as much energy most of the time."  She nodded she did too.  "But I think if they truly want to hunt, I mean really feel that it's their calling and duty, because it'll have to be, then they've got to realize what it means exactly.  I know a lot of us got into the field because of something that happened.  We got exposed in a way that left some vengeance mostly."

"So what brought you?"

"My best friend got taken.  I still can't stand vampires because of that," he said quietly.

She nodded.  "I can see how that happens.  I know I've heard that some went into it because someone near them got killed by a demon."

"In a way it's like making a fanatic," he told her quietly.  "You feel that you've lost something important and you have to get it back by taking out everything that took it from you.  That urge will burn brighter than anything in you.  It'll push you to get what you need.  If those agents aren't feeling that, then they're going to get burned out very quickly.  Like any soldier in a war zone would.  Those of us with a reason keep going even when we're injured, even when our life is going to hell around us, because it matters to us that no one else is hurt the same way we were.  Even if we have to take them all out, no one else will have to deal with what we did."

She sat down on her stool, staring at him.  "But you've grown out of that urge."

"It's still there," he told her.  "But I also realize it's not just my fight.  Any that come near me, they're gone.  The others someone else can help me take out.  We'll never get them all.  It's an eternal fight of the light's warriors struggling in the dark to defeat the dark."

"Which is why your aunts got so pushy," she realized.

"Due to a few incidences in my past I was told by a mystical source that I won't have children.  So they decided I could be part of a mated pair of hunters and help train the next generation of us."

"Then why Tony?  He's not going to be that sort of hunter."

"He accidentally got sucked in when he showed up at the wrong time to get John's help while we were drugged and it sucked him into the issues."

"I guess I can understand that.  John seemed like quite the warrior when necessary."

"Yeah but he's found a place where those skills are in better use now.  He has the skills, the drive to be that sort of knight for everyone, but not the need to make his war against the demons.  So he chose a better way of doing it."

"Which is what you're trying to figure out now," Gibbs told him from his spot listening to them talk it out.  Xander nodded.  "You could go military.  He could help you get in with experience credit for a higher rank."

"The rules would drive me nuts, Gibbs.  I can't live with the constant pushing and rules and all that stuff that would make me do things their way instead of the way they needed to be done.  You see an enemy line and count bullets.  I see an enemy line and my mind goes to explosives, higher weapons, or ways to get around them without letting them know.  Most commanders don't want that sort of insight."

"No they don't.  They want people to follow orders," he agreed.  "O'Neill's project has a lot more of the free thinkers."

"Which is an option I'm keeping open once I'm more comfortable with myself.   I'm not sure I could stand all the science and things.  I think that might be even more weird than I can take.  I'm not real sure yet."

"Which is reasonable," Gibbs told him.  Xander grinned and nodded.  "So now what?"

"I go home to my dog, I play some more fetch, I do some more meditation, I cook dinner sometime soon."  He yawned.  "I finally get a nap because I wasn't about to sleep with NID anywhere near me.  Even tied up."

"That's probably a very wise thing," Abby said.  "Are they going away for a long time, Gibbs?"

"Their boss is protesting but us pointing out that they broke into a house to capture a citizen who isn't special, just been through multiple battles and weird events, meant that they're in trouble."

"Especially if Willow hears that NID is back," Xander warned.  "I called her and she didn't want to deal with them but she had that 'apocalypse coming soon' distracted sound."

"There's something going on but I'm not sure what," Abby told him.  "The energy readings have been fluctuating again."  She tipped her head to the side.  "What about making things for the slayers and other hunters?"

"I wouldn't mind.  I love weapons.  I'm not sure I can improve the gun or crossbow though."

"No, but you can make specialty guns," Tony said from behind Gibbs.  "Maybe bless them like the Winchesters said that colt of theirs was?  Plus forging other things."

"That might be good," Xander admitted.  "Plus it'd let guys like John have some speciality things too if I wanted."

"Yes, it would," Gibbs agreed.

Xander nodded.  "That's not a bad idea.  How do you learn that?  I know there's those ads for gunsmithing classes."

"Start there, some blacksmith training might help too," Abby said.  "They'd make swords."

Xander nodded.  "That's actually a very good idea," he decided.  They smiled.  "Thanks, guys."  He hugged Abby then Tony.  "I'd offer you one, Gibbs, but you might growl at me and like it."  He walked Tony off.

Abby hugged him.  "I'll share."  She smiled.  "Can we go wave at the NID guys as they're dragged off?"

"They're already gone."

"Damn."  She let him go.  "Are they going to stay gone?"

"I hope so but Fornell did say that Harris wasn't in trouble for protecting himself."  Tony walked back in.  "He gone?"

"Yup, headed for the airport.  By the way, he wanted to know what you wanted him to do with his weapons contacts."

"Turn them in," he said bluntly.

"He might need some of them, Gibbs," Abby protested.  "The Council doesn't have an arms master."

He stared at her.  "No!"  He walked off shaking his head, leaving a message on the kid's voicemail.  Tony came up humming.  That whole family was going to drive him nuts.  Because Abby was more strange than he could handle most days.  Xander and Tony?  Way too much strangeness.

The End.

Chapter 5: Shiny, Semi-Helpful Sightings

Xander's new job of making weapons is going well enough for him to start sharing.  John brings his team up to meet Muffin, and then an apocalypse happens.  Isn't the way it always goes?

Two months later, John got a package on base.  He smiled at the familiar handwriting.  Xander had sent him something heavy.  He shook it lightly.  It shifted in the box.  He hoped it was chocolate.  He opened it slowly, looking inside.  What he saw was odd.  Black nylon?  He finished opening it and pulled out the knife.  It was heavy.  He looked it over.  Very heavy but well balanced in his hand.  Had a few marks carved into it.  Looked like...protection runes if he squinted.

He found the note inside.  //This is my first one.  It's not perfect but it's a good blade.  It was blessed to Hephaestus and Brigit both.  The marks are protections on whoever wears it.  It might be a bit long for you but see if you can carry it.  It should help protect you from the strange crap that loves your hair.  Lovies, Xander.  PS: working on guns now too.  All Tony's Abby's fault.//

John smiled, moving the knife around in his hand.  It was comfortable.  The grip wasn't something that was going to slip from his hand if he got sweaty.  It was sharp.  Being blessed might help him a lot too.  Teyla walked in and watched what he was doing.  "Tony's coworker talked to Xander about making blades and weapons.  This is his first one."  He let her see it.

She looked it over.  "It is a bit long for me but it seems well made."  She handed it back.  "What are the marks?"

"Protections on whoever carries it.  It's been blessed to some of the old gods."  He slid it back into the sheathe and put it into his back pocket for now.  He'd put it on his belt later.

"How is it going with him?"

"It's fine.  We're still comfy friends without the urge to go the way the nagging aunts want us to.  I haven't had any aunt telegrams in a while either."

"Perhaps they've given up?" she suggested.

"No, they're more stubborn than I am.  They won't be giving up anytime soon.  So, what's up?"

"Ronon and I wished to see this city we're near.  It's bigger than most that we have seen and looks interesting."

"I can get that cleared.  Want to go with McKay and me?"

"If you want."

"I'll clear that," he promised with a smile.

"Thank you."  She smiled and walked off.

John considered it and downloaded a tourist's guide to the city.  He doubted either would be squeamish about some parts of the city but better to let them know and pick places they wanted to see.  He wasn't going to take anyone to the transsexual fashion show going on next week if they didn't want to go.  Ronon might get that confused look that meant someone wanted to cuddle him.  He might freak if a trannie did it instead of some girl.  Best to avoid that situation.  He went to Woolsey.  "Teyla and Ronon want to do some sightseeing with me and McKay."

"They're alien."

"It's not like you can tell," he said dryly.  "No antennas, no tentacles.  We'll be with them the whole time so they won't be traumatized like that one newbie was when he went into a gay bar by accident."

Woolsey looked at him.  "That's cruel."

"Ronon might like the trannie fashion show," he said with a mean smirk.

"Don't do that to them.  You'd have to explain it."

"Fine.  Can they?"

"Fine."  He waved a hand.  "Be with them the whole time."

"Yes, Woolsey.  If worst comes to worst, we can stay overnight with Xander."  He walked off, going to find them and hand over the guide.  "Okay, we're cleared to take a team outing so you two can sightsee.  This is what most tourists want to see.  Tell us where you want to go."  He handed it to Ronon.  Teyla was beaming at him.

"Are you going to make us go to the same bar that made the young one wail in disgust?"

"If you two want to go to a gay bar, we'll hit a gay bar.  McKay can stay in the car."

Teyla looked the guide over.  "What is a transsexual?" she asked him.

"Someone who is changing their gender because they're not comfortable in the one they were born with.  Some think they were born wrong, some are just happier the other way."

"I do not understand."

"Many don't," John assured her.  "Some dress of the other gender for many reasons.  Some want to switch over."

"So they're like I would be if I wanted to be a girl?" Ronon asked.

"Yes, even though that's a really scary image.  If you do, I'm definitely setting you up with Xander."  He walked off.  "Let me know in a few days."

"Thank you," Teyla called after him.  "I do not think I want to see that one."

"Me either.  That is a scary thought," Ronon said.

She nodded.  "Quite.  You'd make an ugly woman, Ronon."

He glared at her but she just smiled.  "What else is there?"  She let him see it so they could figure out what they wanted to see.  The bay was pretty but there had to be other things to do in a city this size.

***

John got done showing them a mall, which had creeped Ronon out and Teyla had gotten a few new shirts that she liked.  Though she had questions about some of the people who had forked tongues, strange markings, and extra thick things in their ears, eyebrows, lips, chin, tongue, and apparently one girl had a spike in her belly button for some reason.  Couldn't these people not accept how they were born?  John smirked at her.  "The piercings were fashion things," he told them.  "The tattoos too.  It's a young person thing."

"Then why does Xander not have one?" she asked.

"He has sense.  Those things can be yanked on in a fight and pulled out painfully," Ronon pointed out.

"True," John agreed.  "I think he used to have one but he let it heal over when his ex didn't like it."  He heard a shout and groaned.  "No!" he whined.

"We should go see," Teyla ordered.

"I know.  It's probably a demon," he complained.  He walked them that way.  Sure enough it was a demon but it was one that was being taken care of.  He whistled and threw his dagger at Xander's back.  It skidded on the pavement by a few feet but he grabbed it and stabbed the thing, making it die.  He saw the looks around him.  "What?  It's killed by iron."  Xander walked something over to a child, handing it over and patting him on the head.  The mother said a quiet thank you and walked her child off.  Xander strolled over to them, looking amused.  "You're welcome."

"Thank you."  He handed the knife back.  "Hey, Ronon.  And this is?"

"Teyla.  My other teammate.  Rodney will be joining us in a few hours."

"That's cool.  I was getting something for the grill when the demon popped up and decided to eat teddybears that he stole from kids."  He shrugged.  He grinned.  "So, what's on your to-do list today, kids?"

"We were going to stop up for dinner," John offered.

"Then I really need that part for the grill," Xander decided.  "About when?"

"About fourish?"

"Sounds decent.  Muffin's usually up by then."

"Cool."  He grinned as his cousin walked off.  He smiled at Telya.  "That's Xander."

"I could tell.  He moves...unlike what our training is."

"A lot of it he trained himself to do," he admitted, walking them off again.  "He's still done it for something like ten years."

"I see his balance has improved since the last time we fought near him," Ronon said.

"He had just lost the eye then."

"I heard.  Still he has learned to compensate fairly well."

"Yes he has."  He walked them off to the next site.  They wanted to visit the chocolate makers, he could do that.  He could pick up some extras for himself too.  Maybe even more cheaply than at the store.  Chocolate bars were a thriving underground commodity for trades on Atlantis.

***

Xander looked up as Muffin growled.  "Stop that, they're friends," he said once he knew who it was.  "Get out here and grate wassabi," he called.

"Why are you feeding us Japanese horseradish?" John complained.  "Are you making sushi?"

"Just California rolls.  The rest is some fish, some potatoes, a good salad with chicken and bacon."

"Sounds protein heavy but good," he decided.  "Rodney McKay, this is my cousin Xander Harris."

Xander waved with a grin.  "I'd shake but I'm cooking."

"That's fine."  The dog came to sniff him, growling some.  "What's the matter with it?"

"Muffin, he's not a demon," he said bluntly.  "Pet him instead.  Make him play with you."  She bounced off to pounce Ronon and make him play with her.  "Okay then.  Her toys are in the basket," he called.  "Play with her please."

"I can do that.  She slobbers though."

"She's a dog, they do that."

"I see."  He did play with her.  He'd have to wash his hands later on.  He watched as Teyla looked over the sliding panels.  "That must be so he can open the house to feel more free."

"I would think so."  She smiled.  "Is that your design?"

"That panel is.  The others were here when I got it.  Unfortunately the NID idiots broke that one the day they broke in.  Muffin was very amused when I made them cry."  He went back to cooking.  "You can help if you like to cook, McKay."

"He's allergic to citrus," John said.

"Don't eat the salad dressing and I don't remember putting lemon juice in the rolls," he offered.  "I used a vinegar/oil/citrus mix for the dressing though."

"Is it already on?"

"No.  It's chilling beside the toppings."  He went to check it out.  Everything else might be fine.  "Oh, the fish.  The butter is lemon butter.  I'll make sure your piece doesn't have any."

"Thank you."

"Not a problem.  Any other allergies?" he asked John.

"Not that we've seen.  They should've had everything else already in another way.  Except maybe something in the rolls."

"Split one and make them eat it to make sure they're going to be fine?"  John nodded, taking one out to do that.  He had made extra to snack on anyway.  Xander finished the grinding and put it aside.  "That has lemon juice in it.  Sorry, Rodney.  I can make you some the normal way."

"That's fine.  I'm not fond of wassabi.  You make it like you do guacamole?"

"It's how I learned," he said with a smile.  "Go play."  He went to look around the house.

"He has quite the library of books in strange languages," Teyla said when she spotted him coming in.

"It's research for the fighting he does I'm sure."  He looked them over.  He could read the titles on some of them.  A lot of them were in latin.  He walked off to see the rest of the house.  The moving panels would not be his wall of choice but he knew how being cooped in felt like you were suffocating.  The outdoor table was set but there was bug netting around it.  He sniffed the candles.  Generic citronella wouldn't bother him.  It was only a scent, not true citrus oil.  The grill looked high tech.  John was fiddling with it.  "Are we doing the fish grilled?"

"Yup.  He said to start it and put it on low."  He finally got it started and went in to help.  "They said it's supposed to rain tonight."

"Yeah, we're supposed to get one of those coastal downpours."  He shrugged.  "If you have to, you can stay.  I have the guest suite, the double room, my room, and the couch."

"That's cool."  He went to tell the others.  "Guys, the weather's supposed to turn bad later on, hopefully after we're back on base."  They all nodded.  The dog nudged his hand.  "Hey, Muffin."  He petted her ears, making her a happy lab.  "Go play."  She went to investigate Teyla.  "If we have to, Xander said he has enough sleeping room for us.  Rodney, you and Ronon will probably have to share a room or have a couch."

"I can put up with him for one night," Ronon said.  "I do when we've been away and have to camp."

"There is room for me?" Teyla asked.

"The guest suite is pretty nice.  If I have to I can curl up next to Xander."  She nodded at that arrangement.

"Come get these before I drop them," Xander called suddenly.  John hurried in to help him.  "Sorry, my hand went numb."

John looked at his hand.  "When did you burn it?"

"My tool's handle was hotter than I expected.  It's fine.  It's clean, has a liquid bandaid over it."  McKay gave him a look.  He let him see it too.  "Liquid bandaid."

"Those are nice," he agreed.  "Plus it'll get air for it to heal properly."

"It's not that deep.  More of a scald."  He followed John out to the grill, checking the oil before spraying it.  The fish went on, some coconut leaves went overtop of it and were sprayed with water.  Then the lid was shut.  "Ten minutes," he announced.  John showed them the bathrooms.  Xander got everything else out.  Rodney got a bowl of salad without anything sprayed on it.  The rest got to add their own.  Ronon was carefully eating the spring rolls, staring after each bite.

John leaned over to tell him what each thing was, getting a nod.  When it was time he got up to get the fish, making sure Rodney's didn't get any of the special herbed butter.  It made for a good meal and the conversation was interesting.  No one talked about demons.  They talked about weapons instead.  Xander was happy explaining what he could already do.  It was a good dinner, even if it did start to rain about ten minutes before everyone was done.

***

Xander woke up being held, which was very nice.  He was also being nuzzled.  He looked back at John, who was awake.  "Nightmares?" he asked quietly.

"No.  Just thinking."

"You think very well."  John smiled.  "What's on your mind, beyond the obvious?"

John shrugged.  "Thinking some future strange thoughts."

Xander flipped over to cuddle him back.  John sighed in pleasure, just being held for now.  "Everyone needs a good cuddle now and then.  Maybe I'll start a local cuddle pile group."

"That's very strange, even for you."  He kissed him.   Xander hummed, doing it back.  It was nice.  It was easier this time.  He knew how Xander would respond.  He liked how Xander responded to him.  They didn't get any farther than a handjob but it was still comforting and helped them both get back to sleep.  And if Tony showed up in their dreams to complain about hearing them in his own dreams, well, they could blame the aunts.

***

Rodney woke up in the morning and found a monsoon going on outside.  "It was supposed to be clear today," he complained quietly, going to the bathroom.  He came out to the kitchen, finding Xander making coffee.  "Will it ever stop?"

Xander looked at him.  "Supposedly by tomorrow at noon.  John's already called you guy's supervisor and he was not amused.  Then he stepped outside and realized it was raining everywhere but his office.  Since it's emergency driving only right now he said he'd try to get someone named Apollo to pick you guys up but he might not be nearby.  John's getting the dog out of the shower so he can use it.  Coffee?"

"You speak the language of the gods," John said as he joined them with wet hair.  "Muffin's soaking wet.  She refused to move."

"She does that to me some mornings too."  He smiled, taking his coffee so he could take care of his poor, confused dog.  "Morning, Muffin.  Food bowl's full."  She ran off, going to shake off on the back porch, which sprayed McKay and made him splutter.  He heard John laugh so he wandered in to take his own shower.

"He said the Apollo might be able to pick us up," Rodney said, wiping at the new dog hairs on him.

"Maybe.  It's not in orbit right now."  He petted the dog.  "Go stare outside, girl.  Or go eat."  She ran to eat.  "He spoils you rotten," he told the dog.  He looked at his friend again.  "No one knows for sure.  Woolsey told me it wasn't raining four times before someone else told him it was raining and he went outside to see for himself.  Apparently he got drenched and came in saying that was fine.  No one could probably drive with as hard as it was coming down.  The others off base right now were given the same liberty."  Rodney nodded at that.  John got himself more coffee, sipping it.  "If you want sugar or honey they're in the cabinet behind you."

"All those weekends off, you've spent here?"

"I mostly have.  I went home once to be depressed.  Then I stopped in on my way home.  Xander gives a good hug."

"I'm sure he does."  He fixed his coffee.  "Should we make another pot for Ronon and Teyla?"

"Probably."  He set it up to brew a second pot and sat down at the table with the paper he had managed to save from the rain.  The dog came out, hopping up into a chair that had a towel on it to lay down and stare outside.  "Good girl," he said without looking over at her.  She barked.  "No, you nap.  You wore yourself out eating and showering."  She put her head back down.

"She clearly knows you."

"She loves to curl up with me at night too.  Xander wiggles.  I'm more still for her to curl up against."  He smirked.  "She gives a good cuddle too."

"I'd offer but you might like it," Rodney said dryly.  "Breakfast?"

"Might have to be made.  Xander's a fruit person in the mornings anymore.  Or there might be cereal."

Rodney looked for the necessary materials.  "Oat milk?" he said, reading the label.  "Who drinks that?  And what is it?"

"A naturalist product."

"It's off-colored.  Clearly soured," he complained.

"No, it's that color and tastes funny too," John assured him dryly.  "Real milk's in the glass bottle on the door if it's good."  He sniffed it and made himself some cocoa puffs.   Teyla came out to get her own food and coffee.  Ronon stumbled out to get his, his hair tie in his mouth while he gathered his braids back together.  He missed one and Teyla tugged on it, earning a grunt of displeasure as he redid it.

Xander came out in a pair of workout shorts, taking the hair thing and doing it for him.  "There.  Coffee, big guy."  He walked around him, moving to his exercise mat.  "Gotta stretch, guys.  Eat something and ignore me."  He settled in to stretch out.  It helped all the joints that ached after so many years of asking them to do things without knowing what he was doing.  Muffin watched him, leaning over to lick him a few times when his head came close enough.  "I'd take you for a run, Muffin, but it's wet out there."  She woofed and wagged her tail.  He sighed.  "Let me find something I can get wet in.  Give me a few more minutes."  She laid back down.  John was snickering.  "If something happens to me you're her new daddy."

"I could like that.  She sleeps next to me a lot," John reminded him.  He went back to his paper.  Xander got up and found some water shoes - sandals with waterproof, thicker bottoms, no padding inside, and netting on top and sides so you could wear them in the water to swim in.  "Those'll hurt your ankles and knees."

"It'll take forever to dry my regular jogging shoes."  He clipped her leash on her and took off with Muffin for a good, long run.  When he got back, John got him into a warm shower, some warm clothes, and made him eat something.  Xander grinned at the fussing.  "I'm okay."

"Bull."  He went back to his reading.  "Where did you find this one?"

Xander looked at it then shrugged.  "Egypt I think.  Some little back street stall in a market.  I thought it might be stolen from the house of the dead watcher down there."

"Interesting reading," John admitted.  "I didn't think about ice demons."

"You should've heard Anya tell us about Santa."

"I don't want to know," Rodney said quickly.  "Please?"

"Sure."  He ate a bite and looked at him.  "One of the aunts wrote me to ask if he was seriously with one of you two.  I told her to ask him."

"She did.  I told her I'm not with any of my team because it was bad for the team, and to butt out of my bedroom before I took something that would make me impotent.  Her answer was you wouldn't mind that too much and I could still have fun.  It'd make me the wife instead."

"True, you could," Xander agreed.  "I heard that from one of the guys down there that had one leg and most of his hip taken off by a lion attack.  Apparently he did."  John shuddered.  "She sent me that threat so I promised to look up which herbs would do it and for how long.  I think she walked off complaining while calling the others."  He ate another bite.

John looked at him.  "Tony said someone came up to him wanting to have baby hunters."

"I've had one of those.  I told her if she did, I'd have majority custody so I could train it.  She pouted.  I said I'd sex her up without it but I didn't think I could have kids anyway.  She decided not to play with me after all."  He finished his bowl of fruit salad and put it into the dishwasher so he could run it.  He heard the little-used doorbell, going to get his packages from the mailman.  "Thank you.  Have a happy boat trip."

"I try, Mr. Harris.  One bigger one from Cleveland's in my jeep but I can't lift it.  I think it's books."

"Probably."  He trudged out to get it as quickly as he could.  Muffin came over to sniff it, giving her woof of approval before going back to her seat.

"She's very smart," Teyla told him.

Xander grinned.  "Her original daddy hunted with her."  He opened the box, grimacing at the stuff inside.  "Why did I need a codex?"  He sat down to call Giles.  "Why did I need a codex?" he asked when he heard a familiar voice answer.  "Yes, me, Willow.  Whole box of books from you guys.  Fine, I've got guests."  He hung up.  "She'll pick it up in a minute."  Willow appeared.  He pointed at the box.

She saw the rest of the mail and casually looked through it.  "Is that a late notice on your electric?" she demanded.  "You know how to pay bills on time, Xander."

"It was on time, Willow.  I disputed something on it since it was nearly three hundred bucks for just me and I wasn't home for a week of it."  She groaned, taking the books with her.  He rolled his eyes, opening that one.  It said they had reread his meter and he was right, it was misread.  They had credited the overpayment to his account.  Xander looked at it, seeing it was there.  "Cool."  He put it aside with the water bill, going to putter since he couldn't do any work on his forge outside at the moment.  Not until it quit raining.  Muffin followed.  "Go nap, Muffin.  It's too wet to play outside."  She groaned but went to climb up on Ronon to nap on him.

He stared at the lump of dog on him.  "You're still damp, dog."

"She clearly knows another hunter," John teased.

"I am but she's still damp."

"You'll both dry," John assured him.  "Xander has a washer too."  Ronon nodded at that.

"If she's that annoying, try to scratch her chest," Xander called.  "She'll glare and leave you alone."

Ronon did that and she glared at him but shifted to lay beside him instead.  She used his thigh as a pillow.  "I've never met such a friendly beast."

"She's a pet," John told him.  "You guys don't have pets?"

"Yes but they tended not to be this friendly."

"Labradors are like that.  They're all very friendly dogs," John told him.  He went back to his reading.  McKay took the book from him, staring at him.  "He has fun reading but I've already been through most of them.  The tv's over there," he said with a point.  "Internet in the study."  Rodney went that way after asking permission.  John shook his head, going back to the book.  He wouldn't tell them it was a funny story that featured demons.  They probably wouldn't understand.

Teyla looked over the edge of it.  "What language is that in?"

"Latin."  He grinned at her.  "It's an ancient languages that's not really in use anymore.  The watchers had a lot of their libraries in it."

"Is that research?" she asked.

"No, it's fun reading.  He'd huff more then."

She smiled and went back to watching the view with the rain.  Within a few minutes she got a lapful of dog.  "You are very friendly," she assured the dog, petting her.  The dog groaned.  "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, that's a happy puppy sound," John assured her.  Xander came out to switch books on him, getting a smirk for the thriller off the newest action movie.  "Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome.  Less freaking out from science man when you start to giggle at the tentacle sex in a few pages."  He went to put that one back.  John was snickering.  He came out when he heard a crack of thunder, staring at the couch.  A box appeared there.  He saw the note on the top.  "Oh, someone mailed the wrong box."  He opened it, finding some of his things in there.  "Huh, stuff that got packed with everyone else's stuff."  He carried it into his room with a grunt.  He sniffed something and winced, taking it to wash.  "Ronon, if you want I can throw your clothes in so you don't smell like a wet dog," he called.  "I've got to wash off the perfume that's clinging to my stuff."

"I didn't bring anything to change into," he admitted.  Xander got him something, making him happier.  The shorts were comfortable enough and the tank top shirt was very revealing but felt soft and nice.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem.  John's adopted family is like in-laws."  He grabbed the washer as a vision hit him.  "Ow," he muttered.  "I don't have those sort."  He weathered through it.  Then he glared up at the ceiling.  "I'm not going to help a champion and I don't have anything to atone for," he hissed.

"John?" Ronon called.  "He grabbed his head and started to swear and mutter?"

"I thought you didn't have those sort of visions," he complained, coming in to help him out to the couch.  He made him lay down, watching as he had another one.  He rubbed his temples, trying to keep him calm.  He'd never seen visions hit that badly.  That one was barely done when he had a third and a fourth.  By then Xander was trying hard not to cry.  "Shh, I've got you," he soothed.  "What happened?"

"Fucking Powers," he mumbled. "Trying to guilt trip me.  Something about magic around me means that I have them more often."  He winced, turning onto his side.  "The ship that's supposed to come get you guys is seeing problems.  If you guys aren't ready they'll end up taking me and leaving McKay.  While I can work that sort of board thanks to many years of geekdom, I doubt they want me on a ship."

"No, not good," John said, getting his comm unit.  "Woolsey, it's Sheppard," he called.  He got a faint answer.  "Xander's having a vision that the Apollo might be in trouble.  We're all here and can go if they need us to.  I'll make sure Rodney has his comm on so they can't forget him."  He signed off and looked at him.  "What were the other three?"

He glared at him.  "Hubris.  Over confidence.  Refusing and being stubborn."

"Them or you?" he asked.

"Them," he moaned, trying to get comfortable.  "They clearly think I'm going to jump back in and I'm happier with what I'm doing for right now.  Plus I don't think I need to atone for anything.  Not like I killed a bunch of people for shits and giggles."

"No, you didn't," he promised.  He got the boy calmed down, calling Tony while he worked on his neck for him.  "It's me.  Xander's having PTB visions as he called them.  They want him back.  No, we're at his place.  A wonderfully heavy rain storm," he admitted.  "Yeah, you might want to call them and remind them of the principle of backup.  He said some of it was over confidence.  Yeah, we're fine but may have to leave in a few minutes.  Thanks, Tony."  He hung up.  "There, he'll call and make sure they don't need help."  Xander nodded, resting his head on his thigh.

"His dog did the same thing," Ronon said.

John smiled at that small joke.  "They're a lot alike."  He went back to petting his cousin until he fell asleep.  If he ever saw those powers, they were getting their asses shot.  He looked up and muttered a few good swears at them too.  His comm clicked on.  "Sheppard here.  No, I'm swearing at higher authorities, Woolsey.  Are they going to need us?"  He smirked.  "He said he could thanks to many years of geekdom but it might freak people out.  Nope, on the couch afterward."  He hung up and relaxed.  "He called them.  They did say they spotted a ship.  They probably won't need us for it."  Teyla nodded at that.  "So relax.  Ronon, go close the washer lid so it can run?"  He went to do that for him.  John stroked over Xander's hair.  He let his mind drift, drawing himself to the astral plane.  "Cordelia!" he bellowed once he was there.  Yay, summoning worked on the astral plane.  "Can you please tell them that he's not going to help a champion?  He's happy where he is and he doesn't need to atone."

"They said killing vampires is still killing."

"Then they should've gotten him out of the game sooner," he said bluntly.  "Unless one of the family is a champion, he's not going.  Also, they might want to look at what the aunts tried to do."  She blushed.  "Beyond that, Chase.  It's a *bonding*.  I doubt Tony and I need to have sudden splitting headaches and his visions with him."  She shook her head slowly.  He nodded.  "I had some bleedover and we're not fully bound.  I had bleedover before Sunnydale's battle.  Yes it will.  Probably in a battle that could mean the earth going to the aliens if we lose."

"Oh, dear."  She faded out, then came back.  "Wait there."   She went to tell her bosses that and that Xander was going to be ultimately stubborn about his own life.  They said he wasn't woven in some of the battles but he could help a champion since he wanted to help.  She pointed out he was making weapons for them now.  They decided it was good enough and released him.  She came back, finding him not happy.  "They said as long as he's helping, he'll go back to having the other type.  Unless he's urgently needed.  Not that you can do anything after you have one.  You might look into migraine medicine if they're going to get stronger."

"He said they come more frequently when magic is going on around him?"

"They do?"

"Yeah."

"I have no clue.  I don't think mine did."  He nodded at that.  "Thanks for the warning though."

"They make me lose a battle and people get hurt because of them, I'll personally come up to deliver my own message."

She nodded.  "Hey, I'm a good cheerleader," she assured him. "I can even get Xander and Tony up here, put them in falsies and a push up bra for you.....  Maybe even heels on Xander."

John shuddered.  "Eww."  He went back to his body.  He looked down at Xander, who was staring up at him.  "They decided you didn't have to find a champion to work for."

"I heard.  That's a scary thought."

"Very.  Tony would look really bad as a girl."  Xander snickered, holding his head.  "I'll tell Rosenburg no magic around you too."  He called out there.  "Which slayer are you?"  He smirked.  "Rona, John Sheppard, one of Xander's cousins.  Can you please warn Rosenburg that each time she has magic going on around Xander it sets off more visions.  We'd like to keep him longer than we had Cordelia when hers started.  Thank you."  He hung up.  He looked down at his cousin.  "Want to hit your bed?"

"I'm fine.  I can pretend to be happy and cheerful while I look up how to block magic from the house."

"Wouldn't that former work room be a problem?" he asked.

"No, we removed all the power in it.  There's some minimal wards around still but they never bothered me.  I think chaos magic is what's setting them off."

"That's fine.  She doesn't need to pray to Janus anyway," he assured him.  "She causes enough without that."

Xander smiled.  "You're cute when you're in overprotective cousin mode."

"I'm always cute," he shot back with an evil smirk.  "You and Tony can only hope to be as cute as I am."

Xander snorted.  "I'm younger.  We're always cuter."

"Especially with your dog but most of the time I'm cuter because I look hotter with my guns."

"Maybe.  I don't have any pictures of me with mine."

"We can take some sometime."  Xander nodded, relaxing again.  Rodney was staring at him from the doorway.  "I am cuter."

"I have no idea what you took that put you into this mood, but please never do it again?"

"I'm teasing him, Rodney.  I'm sure you and your sister did the same thing?"

"Not like that."  He walked off shaking his head.  He checked the washer since it was beeping, redistributing the load.  When the Apollo did call, he was more than ready to disappear and by then Ronon's clothes were mostly dry.  John groaned but moved with them to head up there.  That way they wouldn't have to see how Xander did in ship-to-ship combat.

Xander curled up with his dog, cuddling her.  He needed the cuddle.  His head still hurt a lot.  He hated visions.

***

Tony winced, holding his head as the vision hit Xander.  "Damn it," he muttered.

"Sudden onset migraine?" Ziva guessed.

"Something like that.  Boss, going to be sick," he said, going to do that.  Finally they stopped and he stopped heaving in the bathroom.  He head and felt what John was doing and it made him happy but he still had a thundering headache.  He wandered back to his desk after rinsing his mouth out, sitting down with a groan, holding his forehead.  "Advil?" he asked when someone came nearer.

"I have some aleeve," Ducky offered quietly.  "When did you start having migraines?"

"When Rosenburg set off Xander having visions.  Thankfully John was there."  He blinked up at him, his eyes wet.  "It won't happen again unless it's an emergency."

"Good."  He handed him two pills.  "Take those and join me in my office, Anthony.  You can have my couch."  Tony swallowed them dry and wandered that way with the older man guiding him.

Gibbs sighed, watching him go.  He was going to have to kill someone so they left his agent alone.  He knew it was going to come down to this.  He walked outside.  "Rosenburg," he called quietly.  She was red-eyed and sniffling.  "Whatever you did that set off visions in Harris carried over to my agent.  Do not do that again."

"I have no idea what happened," she complained.

Cordelia appeared, staring at her.  "Chaos.  Magic."

"But I don't," she complained.

"I don't care.  That's what set off what the Powers had waiting."  The witch made a whining noise while shaking her head.  "Oh, grow up!" she snapped.  "You're putting it out somehow and hurting others!"  She looked at Gibbs.  "Tony should not have another of those because Xander should not have another of those unless he's in immediate danger.  The Powers decided him helping out his own way was good enough since he wasn't ready to hunt more than locally."  She stopped Willow from leaving.  "Oh, no you're not.  You're not going near Xander.  I won't let anyone have the same sort of brain ripping visions that killed me, Willow Rosenburg.  You leave Xander the hell alone.  If they need it, they can use a phone.  No magic around his house at all.  Am I clear?"

"But, I have to protect him, Cordelia."

"Listen, witch.  I'm not just Cordelia Chase.  I *am* the Messenger For The Powers That Be.  Hear me and listen well.  There is to be no more magic around Xander.  Remove all your spells, all that.  I'll warn the trio of aunts myself."  She glared at the girl.  "Every single spell back to what you first put on him to watch over him.  Am I clear on these orders?"

"Yes, Cordy," she said quietly.  "I'll find out why I'm leaking chaos magic too."

"Good!"  She looked at Gibbs.  "When she removes it, it might set off another one.  It shouldn't but it might.  Since he's almost asleep he might get his normal one and those don't affect Tony at all.  It's good that guys like him have someone who gives enough of a damn to threaten others."  She faded out to talk to the other witches.  "Hear me well," she said as she appeared.  It was cheezy but it worked.  "No more magic, especially not anything chaos based, around Xander.  It is setting off visions.  Brain ripping and destroying visions."  The aunt went pale but nodded quickly.  "No more magic around him at all.  Or Tony or John because it could bleed through.  They're better protected because the hellmouth disabled Xander being able to block against it.  So no more.  You, Rosenburg got warned, and all the others.  Am I clear?"

"Yes, miss."

She smiled.  "I'm Cordelia.  I used to date Xander."

"You're the Messenger."  She nodded.  "Do the Powers want him back?"

"They originally did.  They realized how much power and strength he brought to those he backed.  Now they think that him making weapons is good enough.  He's hunting if necessary.  Still, no more magic.  No stealing, no bonding, nothing."

"I'll make sure the others hear."  She nodded and disappeared.  The aunt slumped.  It was a clear warning and they would be hurt if they kept it up, plus Xander might die.  That wouldn't do their plans for the family any good.

***

Sam Winchester opened an email, smiling at it.  "Xander had a few of my type of visions.  He suggested a few things."

"Will they help?" Dean asked.

"Maybe."  He looked at his brother.  "He said chaos magic being around him set his off.  Willow was ordered no magic around him at all."

"Which means your creepy mind powers have to quit working," Dean pointed out.

Sam considered it.  "That could help.  I'm wondering if there's a way to stop them.  Or if that demon is prompting them."

"He might be," Dean agreed.  "We know he's drawing you closer to him, Sammy.  Which scares the shit outta me."

Sam nodded.  "I get that, Dean."  He read the rest of the message.  "Cordelia had a suggestion about what worked well with hers before hers killed her."  He groaned and shook his head.  He shouldn't have said that.  Dean would turn into a nagging, overprotective, locking-him-in-the-closet big brother again.

"Excuse me?" Dean asked.

"She got hers directly from the higher ups over the champions and slayers," he told him.  "Xander told me."

Dean considered it.  "So hers did what?"

"Hers caused pain because they were too powerful for humans."

"Again, hers did what?"  He was not going to ask again but he wouldn't demand too heavily if Sammy stalled again.  This had to be better than it had sounded.

"Basically the overload started to short circuit it," he said quietly.  "Mine aren't like that, Dean.  I'm not in nearly as much pain as she was."

Dean considered that information.  He licked his lips.  "How likely is it that yours are heading there?"

"As far as I know, unlikely."

"How unlikely, Sammy?" he asked calmly.

"The demon's not as powerful as those higher ups, Dean.  He can't make them that same way."

"To the demon you're a tool," he reminded him.  "Something to get rid of once you've fulfilled his plans.  What chance is there that it's doing other damage?"

"I don't know.  I haven't felt anything other than the migraines I get now and then."

Dean thought about it. "You're seeing someone."  Sam opened his mouth.  "And you're staying with Bobby until after the demon's gone, Sammy.  I can't let him destroy your brain."  He walked out of their motel room to call Bobby to get things started.  They were about three days away.  Bobby told them what to tell the ER so they could get a brain scan and who to send it to near Bobby.

"I'm fine," Sam called from the doorway.

Dean told him what he had learned about the Chase girl's visions.  Bobby agreed it was critical to know.  And that he'd watch Sammy if he had to.  Dean said a quiet thank you then hung up and headed for the car.  "Car, Sammy.  Now."  Sam huffed but went.  Dean got in to drive.  This was worrying the hell out of him.  They got to the ER and Dean forced Sam inside.  "He's having a lot of sudden onset migraines," he told the check-in nurse.  "They started in the last few months but they've gotten stronger and worse.  His last one knocked him out for a few days and then suddenly he's better once it's over with.  No slowly getting better, no other headaches, no allergies."

She nodded, putting that down.  "It's best to get those things checked.  Do you have a regular doctor?"

"One he'll be seeing after a long absence.  We've been on the road a bit."  She helped him fill out the forms and it was a short wait.  The middle of a Saturday morning wasn't too busy yet.

***

Six days later, Dean slammed his car's door in Xander's driveway.  "Hey, Muffin.  Where's daddy?" he asked, following her inside.  "Xander!"

"Kitchen," he called.  "Want lunch?"

"Did you foresee me coming?" he asked dryly.

"Sam called."  He pointed at the stack on the table.  "All that I have on visions.  Cleveland has three other references and LA has another that they're sending there for you."  He looked at him.  "Sam's are different."

"There's been a shadowy change according to his CT," Dean told him, staring at him.

"No one said that demons played fair."  Dean nodded.  "If you want help taking it out, I'll help.  There's no way I want that thing loose on this planet or planning another try in another twenty years."

"I might need it," Dean admitted.  He sat down to go through the books.  Xander put a plate with two sandwiches and some fries down, earning a smile.  He got some coffee too.  "Sammy fussing?"

"He's worried.  He told me the doctor said it's worrying but doesn't look like cancer, just like too many hits to the head sort of damage.  I told him I knew how that felt after all the concussions I've had."  He sat down across from him.  "We'll do what we can, Dean.  You know that."

"Dad would be throwing fits," Dean admitted, looking at him.

"Your dad was a bit uptight, Dean.  He would've had a go at the Powers."

"True.  He might still have a go at the Powers if he finds out in the afterlife."

Xander grinned.  "That would give him a good incentive to get away."

"Is there any information on that demon?"

"Interestingly enough, Tony caught something in one of the ones I had that weekend.  He said when it's time, there's a ghost town he's using.  Until then he's traveling."

"Do we know which ghost town?"

"He's doing some online picture hunting to see if he can figure it out.  He's knocked out a few states' worth.  By then I was swearing and trying to hold on, not paying absolute attention."

"I can understand that if they're like what Sammy gets."  He went back to reading.  "Any idea how to do it in beyond the Colt?"

"Yes.  You need a different weapon that can kill anything.  That one's good but Tony saw the gun being used to open the portal."

Dean looked up at him, staring him down.  "What?"  Xander nodded.  "So it's dangerous to have there."

"It is.  There are other weapons though.  Buffy's got her scythe that can supposedly kill any demon.  Their apocalypse just finished up so she's resting right now.  She might even go with you to make sure it dies.  Or Faith might."

Dean nodded.  "That's an option, yeah.  Any others you know about?"

"The bottom book is from the aunts recently on mystical weapons.  If I knew more about it, I'd make you something.  I've just barely started to study though.  I can bless things but I'm not sure how you make sure it can kill any demon beyond wishing up a wish demon and asking her."

"You know...." Dean said.

"The ones who might be over it, can't be totally sure, are Evada and Constansia.  Maybe Vyorkin."  Dean wrote that down.  "I can't be sure which one would.  They all kinda sound like they could."

"Hey, it's a place to start," Dean said.  "Would I get to do it or would Sammy?"

"Sam probably would have a better time of it with two of them.  One is for those hurt by demons so either might be effective.  I will remind you that most wishes are a curse and a blessing both."

Dean nodded.  "I understand that.  I'd pay any price to get Sammy out of this, Xander."

"I know."  He smiled.  "Remember, single wish, no connectors like 'and' to make it seem like two wishes, and no being too subtle.  The more blunt and straightforward the easier it is for them to curse them with something that won't backfire on someone."

"I can do that.  Do you have anything on them?"  Xander went to get it for him.  "Dude, you're nearly as good as Bobby."

Xander grinned.  "Someone's got to take over for him when he retires or dies."

"I almost expected that to be Sammy since he's such a research nerd."

"So we'll have two."  He grinned, going back to making his own lunch.  "Remember to eat.  You have to be strong enough to fight the thing."

"I am."  He nibbled while he read over each of the topics.  Yeah, those three demons could probably handle a plea.  It even had how to summon them specifically.  It also explained one guy that he hadn't been able to break a curse on.  Must've been from a vengeance demon.  He looked at Xander later that night, not realizing it had been that long until he realized the window beside Xander was showing stars and darkness.  "Can I send an email?"

"Yup, and your usual bed's free too."

Dean nodded, going to the office to send an email to Sam.  The notes he had were very helpful.  He gave him the name of the books too so he could find more like them and suggested Bobby needed the one on vengeance demons.  He came out and found Xander at an altar, looking at something in front of him.  Then the other boy sighed.  "I can disappear."

"No."  He turned, picking up the blade.  "I made one for John and Tony.  This one's for Sam."  He held it up so he could see it.  "My inscribing has gotten more clear.  That should keep magic from working on him."  He handed it over.  "Those are against demonic magic."

"So it might help him if the demon comes?" Dean asked.

Xander nodded.  "Or it could help him if the demon tries to snatch him like he has the others.  One of the seers at the Council had one.  He's snatching people to Cold Oak.  Tony agreed with the area when he saw the pictures.  You've got about a month, Dean, and Sam's in danger within weeks."

Dean nodded.  "I'll head back tomorrow.  I know your house is no magic."

"Remember, the demon is watching all Winchesters.  He's amused by you, Dean.  He thinks that you're unable to stop him but he's watching you and having fun with your frustration," he said quietly.  "He knew your father could end him, he doesn't think you have it in you.  He's going to try to psych you out."  Dean nodded once.  "Remember who you are, Dean.  Beyond John's son, beyond Sammy's brother.  You're a hunter that's saved a lot of lives and killed a bunch of evil bitches without either of them hearing," he finished quietly.  "If he gets Sammy, he's got you too."

"We're a package deal," Dean agreed.

"Beyond that, Dean.  If he uses Sammy up and has him disposed of, then he knows you'll follow.  He knows that you'll sell yourself for his well-being."  He stared at him.  "Don't make that mistake.  Even if it hurts.  Or you'll be the one hunted."

"Vision?" he asked, looking absolutely serious now.

Xander nodded.  "Not just mine.  If he gets Sammy there, there's a good chance he'll die when he fights back against the demon.  Some people are scared not to follow along and die."  He moved closer.  "If that happens, I saw you and a crossroads bitch, then a kiss."  Dean shivered, staring back into his eye.  "I also saw seals cracking and breaking after you're pulled back to life.  Unlike Buffy, it didn't feel like a happy place you were in.  She saw an end of days that not even Slayers, hundreds of them, could stop or hold back."

"I might go to hell for Sammy, Xander, but I can't let him die."

"Then don't let him be taken and don't let him die in Cold Oak if he is."

"I'll get the knife to him as soon as I can," he promised.

"Leave tomorrow.  You have some time.  He can't use him until a few weeks.  Sam's his favorite to win the Highlander games."

"There can be only one," Dean realized.  "Maybe a spare heir who can do whatever."

"Portal.  Standing hellgate."

"So....  Yeah that's bad."  He went to his room to think and rest.  He had a long fight ahead of him and this might be the last good sleep he got for a few weeks.  Muffin came in and hopped up next to him, letting him pet her to calm himself into sleep.  She was good at it.

***

Dean found where Sam was waiting for him.  He handed him the knife, watching as Sam glowed for a minute then smiled.  "You okay?"

"He laid a protection spell on it."  He tucked it into his back waistband.  "What's up?"

"There's big shit coming.  I need you safe, Sammy.  Unable to be stolen and perfectly safe.  Or else the whole world goes to hell.  One way or another."  Sam flinched at that.  "He wants you to open a hellgate."

"I know what those are.  I found mentions when I was looking up hellmouths."

"And Xander saw you possibly dying and me reacting," he said flatly.

Sam looked down then at him.  "If you resurrect me like they did Buffy I'd kick your ass and kill you, Dean."

"The best way to prevent it is to not go there."

"Then I won't."

"He can teleport you off."

"I'll ask Willow how to prevent it.  Are we going to do this?"

Dean nodded, moving into the figures Sammy had drawn on the ground.  If his father did this, so could he.  "I call upon Vyorkin, vengeance demon over those whose lives are ruined by demons."  He waited.

The young male with light blond hair showed up, staring at him.  "You're not exactly in my plans tonight, Dean Winchester.  You or your brother.  Why call upon me?"

"The demon after our family," Dean said.  "He's going to claim another member and start bringing hell's armies to earth.  Then you'll have a lot more work."

"I would.  Technically your brother could have called on me."  He moved around him.  "But I can see how the hunting has ruined your life partially.  It's taken you away from the light's path in many ways."  He stopped in front of him.  "I can't destroy him."

"You can help me find a way to destroy him that won't take the Colt," Dean said.  "I'm told the colt is part of the problem."

"It is.  He's amused that you have it for him.  He expects you to bring it to stop him so he can use it then."  He stared at him.  "You could've asked the blonde one."

"We'll willingly work with the slayers but I need to keep Sammy safe and they might do that better."

The demon considered it then smiled.  "Call the Slayer's Scythe, Dean.  Call a pure slayer to wield it.  One of innocent blood.  There's still some of those left, no matter how bad some of the girls are about picking up interesting stress relief.  Have the senior girls ward your brother with the reformed one.  Keep him from being taken if at all possible."  Dean nodded at that.  "Then make sure you don't end up at a crossroads."

"That was something I was warned about thanks to someone's vision."

"Good."  He stroked his cheek, seeing the flinch.  "I know.  Make the wish, baby."

"I wish you'd help me end the demon that took our mother, our father, and now wants to take my brother," he said quietly.  "Because I'm strong but not quite as good as he is."

Vyorkin nodded.  "You have a good plan.  You're strong enough.  You won't lose him if they are.  You have to trust this time though.  That's your weakness."  He left with that.

Dean slumped, looking at Sam.  "Okay, we've got a plan.  Call Buffy."

"She's on her way out.  I heard what he said and repeated it.  They'll be at Bobby's tomorrow morning.  Are you all right?"  He walked Dean out of the figure, watching as it faded.  "That was seriously strange."

Dean nodded.  "It was," he agreed.  "But helpful."  He walked his brother off.  It might be the last time he could spend some time with him until this was done with.  He knew that not trusting would lead to him making mistakes and not focusing.  That could mean they'd both die.

***

Tony found Dean a few weeks later, waving at him.  "You needed help and it's this or I'm going to beat Gibbs for watching me too closely for another vision attack.  Since I've been in the last two, I figure I might be of some help here."

"This is serious, Tony," Dean complained.

Tony stared at him.  "They always are, Dean.  You'll need more hands.  I even brought you some other help."  He pointed at Xander where he was walking over reading something.  "Is that *really* interesting?" he asked dryly.

"Yeah, it's how to use the gate to suck a soul out of hell."  He looked at Dean.  "Like I'd miss a real apocalypse?  When I'm in the country?"  Dean relaxed a bit.  "Where is he?  I left the other three slayers out there handling the massing of demons with your friend Bobby in charge.  They didn't take to any of the other hunters but one said he felt like a watcher to her."  He rolled up the papers and put them into his back pocket.  "So."

"So," Dean agreed.  "He's around here somewhere."  Xander smirked and held up something.  "That's the colt," he said, looking worried.  Xander winked.  So maybe it wasn't the colt.  Huh.  He looked it over.  Looked the same but the writing was off.  Xander's handwriting needed work.  He put it into his back waistband and they waited.  Dean stiffened.  "Its here."

"Cool," Tony said, checking his own weapons.  Xander was on Dean's other side.

The demon came toward them.  "You won't stop me.  I have other chosen ones."

"Hmm, pity about them too," Xander said dryly.

"Who are you?" he sneered.

"Apparently you fucked up and couldn't get into Sunnydale," he said dryly.  "You missed one."  He sneered.  "But that's okay, I'm here anyway."

"Xander," Tony chided.  "You've never seen the stories about the slayer's knight?" he asked dryly.  "Or his family?"

Dean snickered, looking at Xander.  "Some of those are really funny."

"Yeah, some are.  It's nice I'm dating advice and a boogeyman."

The demon sneered.  "You're nothing."  He waved a hand.  Nothing happened.  "What are you!" he snarled.

"Special," Xander said.  "You'd be surprised."  He shot the 'special child' the demon had with him.  The guy went down with a scream of pain.  Not dead but severely injured.  The demon attacked, calling more demons in to attack them.  The slayer waiting out of the way came running in to help get the main demon while he and Tony took on the others.  He noticed it when the colt got lost and the demon picked it up.  He silently cast the spell as the demon inserted it into a lock, kicking the ass of the demon in front of him at the time.  The demon howled as nothing happened.  Well, something happened but not what he wanted.

Tony jogged over to get the fake colt.  "Now, Tamara."  She lunged and killed the demon.  The slight portal sucked him in.  Tony removed the gun.

Dean stared at his father and the two other spirits that were fading.  "Dad," he said quietly.

"I'm proud," he said.  "Keep those girls from jumping Sam, son.  They might bruise him."

"Only if he wants it that way," Tamara quipped.  Xander popped her one on the back of the head.  "Hey!  You're not a watcher either, Xander.  You left!"

He glared at her.  "I had my reasons, Tamara.  After eight years of this, you'll understand that."  She slumped.  "Besides, I'm still hunting, just less often."  He smirked at John.  "Like the colt?"

"I do, Xander.  Are you feeling all right?"

"Hell no.  I'm trying really hard to hold off the screaming vision that I can feel coming."

"Fighting it makes it worse," Dean said  "It does Sammy's."

"His come out faster when there's more magic around," Tony told him.  "Let it go, Xander."  Xander shook his head.  "I've got you, let it go."  He knocked Xander out, letting him have it in his dream instead.  It was kinder.  He stared at the other two spirits then at John.  "Let's give them a minute alone, Tamara."

"You knocked him out," she complained, walking off.

"Which is one of the many reasons he left," Dean shot back.  "Because none of you would've respected him for what he's done."  He looked at his father once Tony had carried Xander off.  "So," he said.

"I'm very proud.  Your mother will be too.  And no deal.  That was a slick way around it."

"You're not pissed?"

"No.  It was necessary."  He faded out.  "Be safe, son.  Take a break too before you turn into that boy."

Dean swallowed, walking off, going to help with the mop-up out there.   "How did he cast that spell?" he asked Tony.

"Xander's got hellmouth taint.  He used that," he said.   "It's not a true gift but it's damn handy.  Like quickening being forced through a small point to raise a lowering ceiling."

"Is he immortal too?" Dean quipped.

"Damn I hope not.  The aunts are still hot to have me join him and John."  Dean snickered.  "C'mon.  Let's go rescue Sam from the senior slayers."

Bobby looked over.  "They're doing bad things?"

"Dad managed to escape.  He said they might bruise him some."

"If that's what Sammy wants," Bobby decided.  "It's good to take his mind off things I guess."  The slayers finished off and came over to check on Dean.  They ignored Xander.  "How did he get knocked out."

"He was fighting having a vision.  Him having dream ones are usually easier for him," Tony said.  "All the magic going on."

"His aren't like Sammy's right," Bobby asked.

Tony shrugged.  "No clue.  Usually he has dreaming ones."  Bobby nodded.  "Girls, let's get you back to the house so you can go home."

"Why did you bring Xander?" one asked him.  "He's injured and nearly worthless in a fight."

"He's a better fighter than I am," Tony told her.  "A decade of doing it proves that.  Just because he fell back because he didn't want to kill things anymore doesn't mean he didn't do it before, Katy."

"So shut your spoiled little bitch mouth," Dean added.  "He's a veteran at what you're still learning."

"It's the attitude thinking he's helpless because he's lost an eye that meant he needed to not come back," Tony finished.  "Because none of you would respect him, even after watching him save the girls he worked with."

They slumped.

"Sometimes growing up hurts," Bobby told them.  "You can think on it on the way home and ask Buffy and Faith."  He got them shooed back to the vehicles.  Tony drove the slayers.  Xander was put into the back of the Impala.  The protections on her might help ease the vision a bit.  Bobby drove home, hoping the girls hadn't messed up anything in his house.  Sammy knew better.  The senior slayers were still girls and there hadn't been any of those with him in a while.  Though he could see that the younger ones needed a firmer hand on their behinds again.

***

John got up to pace, knowing what was going on.  "Stupid fucking bastard," he muttered.  "He's not in shape for a battle!  He screwed up his ankle two days ago!"  He paced in the other direction, feeling it going.  He had to wince when the vision feeling started.  "C'mon, Xander, you know not to fight those.  They hurt more."  He rubbed his forehead.  Then it went blissfully quiet.  Which meant Xander was unconscious but the battle had been over with.  So lucky shot or a slayer?  He went back to pacing.  He could still feel the vision but it looked like it was in his dreams instead.  Which was a blessing really.  He groaned, rubbing his forehead as it hit.  He closed his eyes to see what he could.  Xander had layered ones.  Tony caught some things that Xander didn't and so did he.  Which was really strange.  Even after all he'd seen and done.  He flopped down, not liking that.  He squinted, taking it down in a new email to O'Neill.  He had to know about the ship thing.  It wasn't a good problem in the least.  Then he went to bed.

***

Teyla tried to get John up again and couldn't so she called McKay.  "I cannot get John up," she said when he stomped her way.  He paused to stare at her.  "I heard him pacing a bit ago."

McKay jimmied the door open, finding him on top of his covers, asleep or passed out.  He walked over to check him over.  He was breathing but he wasn't sleeping.  He was possibly meditating.  He looked around the room, seeing the open email up.  He read it over, grimacing, and sent it.  That had to be known about.  He looked at the man on the bed again.  "Yours or his?" he complained quietly.

"He won't wake," Teyla pointed out.

"Quit," John mumbled.

"John, wake up," she insisted.

He blinked at her.  "I was calming Xander down after he saw three cities destroyed."  He groaned as he sat up.

"So it was his vision?" McKay demanded.

John nodded, rubbing his forehead.  "Xander went to help Dean defeat the demon that had been after his family for years.  It was trying to open a hellgate.  Basically a single-dimension hellmouth," he said at Teyla's curious look.  "There was some magic there and it set off a hell of a one."  McKay tossed him a packet of pain killer.  "Thanks."  He blinked at him.  "What?  You're pissed?"

"Those can't be good for you.  Especially not with the pain they cause."

"If we could keep magic away from Xander, it'd be easier on all of us.  I have no idea why his visions have things that only Tony and I get when he has them."  He took the painkillers, grabbing his bottle of water off the bedside table.  "I was resting and suddenly there was a battle."

"You cannot shield from him?" she asked carefully.

He stared at her.  "No, I can't.  That's because of the aunts.  If they had gotten their way it'd be a more direct link.  Maybe then but not at the moment."  He took another drink.  "Why are you two in my room?"

"I heard you pacing and muttering but you wouldn't answer," she told him.

"Oh.  Sorry.  Woke up from a nap with a battle in the back of my head."  He blinked at his computer.

"I sent it," McKay assured him.  "How often is he having them?"

"Usually when he's asleep.  It's fairly rare for a daylight one and those seem to be brought on by magic going on around him."

"So if he didn't leave the house that often he wouldn't have them," McKay told him.

"Which is a sucky life," John countered.  "It's not his fault he ran into the one witch in the park that day."

"Whatever.  You need to be scanned to make sure it's not hurting your brain as well as his."  John gave him a confused look.  "They did it when Cadman and I were merged," he reminded him.

"Yeah, because you were going to warp her too badly."

"It's best to make sure that the pain isn't from a more serious problem the visions can be causing," Teyla insisted.

"Fine.  Whatever."  They backed off.  They knew that tone of voice.  "Not to be rude, guys, but I need a nap to get rid of the headache."

"You can do that in the infirmary."  John started to open his mouth.  "You'll go or I'll put it over the comm to bring a medic team to get you.  We can't have you down."

John groaned but got up and put on shoes so he could be walked down there.  "Hey, Doc."

"What happened?" she asked, seeing the pain on his face.  "Another headache?"

"Xander was in a battle, there was magic, he had a forced vision.  He shared."

"Can't you block him out?"

"Nope.  Not unless we fully go for the marriage thing."  He sat on a bed.  Teyla and Rodney left.  "They're worrying over nothing.  Rodney was worried about brain rotting problems."

"That might be happening with the amount of pain you've been getting."

"His usual ones don't hurt any of us.  It's the forced ones that suck."

"Of course they do.  Let's do a brain scan.  Just in case it's doing some damage."  She got him into the machine, watching what came up.  He came out and got put into a bed with a sedative.  She called Doctor Lam at the main base.  She only had the briefest knowledge of brain problems.  When she caught one starting she put him back into the machine so she could see what exactly was going on.  Doctor Lam would need that information and it wasn't like they could conjure one up on demand.

Chapter 6: Slamdowns By The Smartasses

The bonding issue comes to a head when they're forced to deal with it due to it making changes in the guys.  Especially the one where the plot behind the bonding comes into the light.

Tony got corralled when he got back.  "Situation solved," he told Gibbs.

"Good.  Landry wants to talk to you and Sheppard at the same time."

"Ours?" he asked, looking confused.

"No, not ours.  MTAC, DiNozzo."  Tony nodded, walking that way.  Gibbs followed.  McGee had made sure nothing and no one else could see this discussion.  Including the security cameras.  "Here you go, General."

"Gibbs, thank you.  Tony," he said, looking a the boy.  He hadn't been that young in a while and to him Sheppard and DiNozzo were both boys.  "Have you had any pain from those visions of your cousin's?"

"Only when they're forced ones, why?"

"Because we scanned John when he had his last one."

"The spell was necessary, General."

"Not important at this point in time.  You can both yell at him later," he said bluntly.  He stared at the boy then at the picture of Sheppard he had.  "It seems that his more painful visions are forcing some changes on you two as well.  We know there's some on Sheppard's side.  He's had a few migraines since they started without having a vision."

Tony considered it then shook his head.  "I haven't."

"Some of the medicine you're on since you got the plague would prevent it," Gibbs told him.  "Is there anything we can do?"

"I talked to the aunts and got that nice Willow girl to summon someone else to talk to about it.  Hers killed her," he said bluntly.  "Took her a bit to come too."

"Cordelia's a powerful ascended, sir.  I don't think she's ever come when called," John said.

He nodded.  "That's what she said and chewed Rosenburg a new one for treating her like a hunting dog.  The problem is that she asked ahead of time.  She knew what we wanted to ask.  There's no way to remove the visions from him, or to remove the bonding from you two.  The only way it can be solved is to find some shielding method, which seems to not be available at this stage, or go further on so that there is some available."

"That would cause me a lot of problems in combat, sir.  Xander would instinctively try to help."

"You can train that out of him," he said bluntly.  "Because otherwise you're going to end up relieved of duty in about a year due to traumatic brain damage."  Sheppard slumped.  He looked at Tony.  "You're not getting as much carryover?"

"I was only accidentally linked in, General.  I popped up for help at the wrong time and got sucked into it.  For a few seconds Xander and I changed bodies too."

General Landry looked at him then at Gibbs.  "Would that situation being solved be a problem for you?"

"For me, no.  For the director?  She tried to get him to go undercover and sex bait, sir."

"I see."

"I'd hate to lose Tony.  He's one of my better agents."  The guy grinned at him for that.  "Took me five years to train it into him too."

Landry smirked at that.  "After a few months they become like your kids, I know that, Gibbs."  He looked at them.  "I can't make this choice for you.  Tony can probably hide his end better once you three work out some shields."  Tony nodded at that.

"I find it humorous that the Powers are forcing the aunt's ideas," Sheppard said bitterly.  "Even if we don't want it."

"It's possible that whatever is inside the boy that makes him so special will be a problem some day or will cause a problem," Gibbs reminded him.  "DiNozzo said once that he lived his whole life on the most corrupt hellmouth ever.  That has to change you."

"That, a few possessions, nearly changing into a sea monster," Tony muttered.  "I doubt he'd be an apocalypse, Gibbs."  He glanced at him.

"No but one never knows what someone might take him and use him for," Landry pointed out.  "By going his own way, the girls don't protect him anymore.  Others have probably taken an interest in him because of all that."

John shuddered.  "The vision two months ago had a warning that something wanted him for a sacrifice," he said.

"The slayers with us totally disrespected him at the battle," Tony told him.  "Buffy and Faith didn't.  Faith chewed them a new one about why he left.  So did Dean and I."

"But if he's taken by an enemy force, they won't be there for it," John said.  Tony nodded.  "Shit."

"You know I'm not against it, even if I won't consider it a marriage," Tony told him.

"You'd have to for the thing to work.  I had Rosenburg explain it to me," Landry told him.  "It's not only physical but all three of you have to accept that it's a done deal, DiNozzo.  No backing out, playing when you all agree, all that."

"We all really didn't want them to start this off," John told him.

"I fully understand that," he agreed.  "Even if you were bi before, I doubt this was your idea.  But it happened and now we have to deal with it.  Before I have to relieve you from command, Colonel."

"It would suck with my spouses gone, sir.  I'd have to leave anyway probably."

"No you won't.  Atlantis isn't moving for a good, long time.  We all know that.  DiNozzo and Harris can have free visitation time.  The same as others' spouses can.  We've already made that decision.  It's now listed as a classified base but we know that you won't show them the most astounding things.  The transporters and things you can't help, just don't tell them anything about what the city really is.  Most spouses know what classified means."

Gibbs nodded.  "I can see giving DiNozzo more time off out that way."

"We'd have to take at least a few days to complete the bond," Tony admitted quietly.  "At least a day to do it and then learn how to shield against each other.  That could take weeks if we can't figure it out easily."

"I've been trying all the mental shielding exercises I know of," John told him.  "One major problem, sir.  The spell would set off another vision."

"It's mostly herbal, she said the hard part is already done.  It'd be small and link you back into the bonding state," Landry told him.  "I asked that part too.  Miss Chase said he shouldn't get a vision from it."

"Shouldn't being the operative word," John countered.

"Is there another way?"

"I don't know," John admitted.  He sighed, looking at the picture of Tony on his screen.  "So?"

Tony shrugged.  "I don't think we can fight this one unless we want to lose all three of us.  Even if I don't like the plan."

"I don't either but I could come to care for our little goofball.  He's a lot like me."

"He is," Tony agreed dryly, nodding some.  "I'll probably be on the outside most of the time anyway.  Mine's never been as deep."

"Which would suck for you," John reminded him.  "Married and not getting any of the perks."

"True."  He looked at Gibbs.  "What about the director, boss?"

"She won't know.  She doesn't know about this, she won't know more than you're taking a medical leave of absence."

Landry nodded.  "That's how we've worked it out as well.   Woolsey will know it has to do with your migraines that've started thanks to Xander's visions.  You're going to find a way to block it from him.  Since you're basically on hiatus and research status he said it's fine.  Lorne can take over for you for the month we have budgeted."  John gave him an odd look.  "You need a honeymoon when you get married, Sheppard."

"I guess that's true but it would mean more possible exposure to magic, sir."

"I don't care if you stay home for it, son."  He looked at Tony.  "That good with you?  Starting Friday?"

"I can lose him for that long," Gibbs assured him.  "He's been sick that long before."  Landry nodded at that.  "Just for the noting, is there going to be another battle this year?"

"Fall," John and Tony said together.  "Early fall instead of halloween mischief."

Jethro sighed.  "Here?"

"No," John said, shaking his head.  "Our sort, Gibbs.  Not that sort.  General, did you get that email?"

"I did.  O'Neill has his forwarded to Jackson so he shared.  He nearly jogged up the halls to get it to us.  That and the one about the ship.  Thank you.  We'll make some plans for that."  John nodded at that.  "So, starting Friday, you're going on medical leave for one month, Sheppard.  Come back without the migraines or medicine to deal with it."

"Yes, sir."

"Before then, set up spousal privilege rules."   He hung up on both of them.

Tony slumped down in a seat, looking at the floor before looking at Gibbs.  "This is going to be really weird."

"You have a month to make it less weird and work out all those quirks between you.  If he's still going to bleed over for visions, come back with a migraine medicine or a suggestion for it," he ordered quietly.  "You're smart enough to figure it out, DiNozzo.  Just do what you have to do and learn to enjoy it.  It's pitiful when the sex leaves a marriage."  He walked off, opening the doors so the others could come back.  Tony came down a few minutes later, taking the paperwork he had ready to sign.  Gibbs went to hand it in for him.  That way there weren't going to be any questions asked.

"You can do without him for that long?" the director asked, looking over the top of her glasses at him.

"I'll have to.  Whatever bond his aunts started is giving him migraines.  He's going to learn how to get rid of them."

"I suppose that's fine."

"He'll be on call if we need him."

"Even better.  Will he be out by San Francisco with his cousin?"

"Yes."

"Fine.  The resolution of that situation will be?"

Gibbs shrugged.  "I don't know.  All I know is he'll be learning how to shield himself from them happening in the middle of a chase.  Or from letting them cause him permanent damage since there's hints of it in the other cousin that was bound."

"What about the Harris boy?"

"He hasn't been near a doctor since they took down the Initiative mess, outside of a routine physical and blood work for the organ damage he took."

"Organ damage?"

"A spell hit him when he was trying to stop someone.  From my understanding it was causing some slight liver damage and nearly killed him when it happened."

"That's not good, Jethro."

"He's fine now."

"Fine."  She signed it.  "Do you want a temporary agent?"

"No."  He walked off, handing Tony the forms.  "I told her you're learning how to shield from possible brain damage," he said quietly.  Tony nodded at that.  "She did realize you'd be with him."

"That's fine.  I'll have my phone there and charged."

"Of course you will."  He went back to his seat.  "Don't leave with reports hanging, DiNozzo."

"I won't, boss."  He got into his backlog to clear it.  He'd have some overtime.  Thankfully he had leave hours banked for medical emergencies.  That way he wouldn't go a month without pay.

***

John gathered his targets into a conference room, closing the door behind himself.  "General Landry sent over an order earlier," he announced.  The people in there stared.  "It was on conjugal visits."  The people relaxed.  "They are going to be allowed but we are setting up some rules to protect the project itself.  Since we're back to a research post at the moment, it's unreasonable to make you stay here all the time.  He has relented and will let spouses come to the city."  One person raised her hand.  "Give me a minute.  He's letting me set up rules."

"Why you, sir?"

"Because I'm about to go on medical leave for a month about the migraines I've been having."

"Is that because of the thing your aunts did?" she asked.

"It started them off.  I'm getting bleedover from Xander's visions to be honest.  I'm going to learn how to make them stop coming to me."  They all nodded.  "So I'll be up the coast if there's a problem."  He looked around the room.  "We will need to maintain the classified nature of the city.  Some things he and I realized we can't hide.  Transporters, doors, those things.   The stargate won't be used for this."  They all nodded.  "We'll cloak a jumper and bring them over that way from the local port.  We've already got a warehouse set up for it."  He passed down a few sheets of paper.  "Those are the rules for conjugal visits.  Notice they have to agree to keep everything classified.  That's directly from the civilian specialists' contracts."  He stared at them.  "Are there any questions?"

"Sir, what if they want to sign on to be with us?" one asked.  "Or if there's kids?"

He sighed.  "The general did not want to have kids on base, just in case an accident happened or we triggered something we hadn't found yet.  We all remember the last one, right?"  They all shuddered but nodded.  "So we'd rather you go visit them instead of kids coming here.  Now, if she's pregnant, that's fine.  If it's a newborn I'd be iffy.  Again, accidents do happen and we'd hate to have you grieving."

"Will we be allowed extra leave time then?"

"If you have to go to them because of children, he's allowed an extra two weeks a year for that.  It's not much, but it's all he could work out with the Joint Chiefs.  That may be raised.  You would also have to have your comm on you at all times so you can be recalled if it's an emergency or an attack.   The last migraine I got was of an Ori ship coming this way."  They all groaned.  "Should've had the headache, guys," he said dryly.  A few smiled.  "While I'm off learning how to not have migraines, you guys can start this.  If your spouses want to sign on and have a way to do that, talk to Woolsey, get him to talk to Landry for you.  Landry told him why spouses might want to sign on when he didn't realize.  He's divorced, guys."  They all nodded at that, most of them had realized he didn't do well in interpersonal matters.  "Are there any points that are of concern?"

"Can we take them on picnics on the terraces, sir?"

"Yes.  As long as you don't take them to the labs, the classified areas, show them anything that they'd want to tell anyone about.  I've arranged for the jumper to land on a pier anyway."  They all nodded at that.  "Any other questions?"

"Sir, why a month?"

"We think it'll take two weeks, and if it does I'll be back sooner.  The rest is a cushion in case I can't get the hang of the techniques the aunts have."

"So meditation you think?"

"I'm pretty sure it'll be like the shielding meditation some people use," he admitted.  "Which will mean less chance of a brain intrusion when we run into another telepathic race.  Plus it'll mean less headaches when Xander has one."  He sighed.  "Other than that, any other questions?"

"Will you be okay?" that same woman asked.

He nodded.  "I'll be fine.  I'll do whatever I have to do, keep Xander calm so he can reinforce his since it looks like I'm the weak link and his are stronger than mine at the moment.  I'll play with his dog, watch him make more weapons, eat."  She smiled.  "Not exactly a vacation but necessary since it's started true migraines."  She winced at that.  "Which means I can't fulfill my duty and you guys get Evan Lorne for good."  A few shook their heads at that idea.  "You'll have him for a month.  Train him well in how to deal with the quirks going on, guys."  He straightened up.  "Any other questions?"

"Hopefully it works soon, sir," one of the guys said.

"Me too.  I'm tired of headaches.  All right, dismissed."  They filed out, going over the rules so they could tell their spouses.  He went to the office himself.  "They have them."

"I have a copy, they're well set," he agreed.  "Having one already?"

"No, I got asked about them."

"Ah.  Well, they are mostly scientists."  John nodded at that.  "Any additional concerns?"

"Children."

"Not on base."

"I told them that.  I said maybe a newborn, but probably not because we didn't want anyone grieving."

"Agreed.  Go pack."

"I don't leave for two days, Woolsey."  He walked off, going to tell the team.  By now gossip was running wild.  They were in the mess.  He gathered three of the pilots together with his team.  "I'm off for a month of medical leave due to my migraines."  The pilots groaned.  "You three are going to be on call for any newly appointed conjugal visits.  No kids, spouses only, they have to make sure that they won't speak of anything."  They nodded.  "Good.  If it's an emergency I'll be with my aunts and cousins learning how to block out people again."

"Sir, how often?" one asked.

John shrugged.  "It was newly added this week.  I just set down rules today.  So probably within two weeks."  They nodded.  "We have a warehouse set up.  You're to go cloaked all the way there, uncloak only inside, load them, recloak, and come back here to the landing dock on the pier.  They're not to go into the classified areas at all."  They all nodded at that.  "Any other questions?"

"Are we expecting a lot or just a few?"

"That depends on them.  There's three married couples already here, sixteen that have marriages outside the base."  They nodded, going back to their meals.  He sat down, looking at his team.  "A month to learn shielding so I quit being the one that's getting the bleed over."

"Shouldn't he be getting it?" Rodney asked.

"He will be.  The problem is the link between us is fully open.  Neither of us can shut it down at this level of bond," he said quietly.  Rodney moaned, shaking his head.  "We'll have to shut it down the hard way then deal with it."

"So you're going to get it undone?" Teyla asked.  John shook his head.  "Then I suppose congratulations are in order even though it was not your idea," she said quietly.

"Thanks."  He smiled at her then at the others.  "I'll be on his floor, meditating a lot for the next few weeks.  We're hoping for two weeks.  If I still have them, I'm to find something that works against them.  I won't have the violent bleed over I have been but I might still have the headache from them."

"That'll be more reasonable to deal with at least," McKay said.  "Others have migraines around here."

John nodded.  "Thank you for being pushy."  He got a smirk back.  "You know, the slayers need some watchers."

"I'd beat them to death for mouthing off," Rodney pointed out.  "I heard what happened the last time thanks to that email you left up when I was looking for you."

"Tony wasn't pleased either."

"Will he be there too?" Ronon asked.  John nodded.  "Is he getting the same thing?"

"At less strength.  He had one during a chase."  Rodney shuddered.  "Exactly.  I don't need one during a battle and we'll have to teach Xander not to jump over to help us during one."

"I saw that message as well," Rodney said dryly.  "We'll come up and visit to bother you."

"That'd be fine.  I'm sure the dog would like to play with you some more."

Teyla smiled.  "She was adorable and very cuddly.  She curled up with me that night."

"She does that to me a lot," John agreed with a smile.  "Xander's an active sleeper.  He rolls on top of her."

"I can understand why."  She ate a bite of lunch.  "You should eat."

"I had a snack before the meeting."  He stood up.  "So I'll be going Friday.  Be back within a month."  They all nodded.  "Lorne's in charge for me while I'm gone."  He left, going to straighten some things out.  He had some backlogged reports he had to get done for Landry as well.

***

Xander looked up as John and Tony walked in, looking confused.  "What's up, guys?"

"We have to complete it," Tony told him, settling next to him.  "The visions are going to kill us all if we don't, Xander.  John's already showing signs."

"But...."

John shut him up by putting a hand over his mouth.  "We checked.  There's no way to undo it, Xander.  There's no way to shield at this level of bond.  There's only one option and we have to do it.  Otherwise you'll be joining your ex within a few years."

"I don't have that sort of vision without magic going on around me."

"I know that but even the dream ones are too powerful," Tony said.

"Damn it!" he shouted.  He hopped up.  "I hate it when they interfere."

"General Landry had a talk with Willow, Xander.  There's hints that the Powers think you'll be taken as a sacrifice to start an apocalypse due to the hellmouth taint."  Xander stared at him.  "We're here to protect you as much as you're here to protect us.  They didn't want to meddle this time but apparently they didn't see another way since hunting wasn't going to do anything but make it happen faster."

Xander slumped back down.  Muffin came out to cuddle him.  "Hey," he told his puppy.  He looked at his boys.  "I don't like this idea."

"None of us do," Tony said.  "But we've got a month to do it, work on the shields between us, and make sure you won't jump into our heads when we're in danger."  Xander winced at that.  "Yeah, that problem."

"He did?" John asked him.

"I was nearly shot and then I feel this strange sensation of someone seeming to look over my shoulder, who then told me where to hit him."  He looked at Xander, who shrugged a bit.  "You can't do that."

"That's what the shields are going to be for," John said patiently.  "We can work it out that way."  He patted the dog, getting a happy tail wag.  "You're a very good friend, Muffin.  Can we have the daddy?"

"Not yet," Tony reminded him.  "They have to lay the herbs around and stay away."

"Is that in the big package I got from Chicago?" Xander asked.  "How long have we been planning this without telling me?" he asked with a sweet smile that meant he was going to gut them.

"Since about Tuesday," John admitted.  "When they proved I'm showing signs of damage from your visions."

Xander glared at him.  "That's not my fault," he said calmly.

"No, it's not, but it's the only option we have."

"Maybe not," Xander said, going to his library.

Tony sighed, going to get the herbs.  He knew Xander wasn't happy with the way things were but he didn't seem to mind him and John having their thing.  He had felt them playing in the past few months.  "Not like you don't like him, Xander," he called as he sorted things out by the directions.

"Not the point."

"Not like it's rape either," John called.

Xander came out to glare at him.  "It's my life.  They fucked with my life."  John shivered at that coldness.  "It sucks that you got ended up getting stuck but there's no reason to bind you to my fucked up life any deeper so you can't get hurt more.  It'll mean they get to fuck with you too."  He went back to the library.

John sighed, going in there.  "Xander, I don't mind.  I knew it'd probably get there sometime.  Especially after they started the process.  Not like I haven't fooled around with you."  He made the boy look at him.  "No magic."

"Shut up, John.  That's so much bullshit."  He took the book back when John snatched it.  "I'm not going to let them hurt you through me."

"This will keep them from hurting me through you, Xander.  And them hurting you."

"No it won't.  They're the Powers.  They like to meddle and play what-if.  Just ask Whistler when and if he shows up."  He walked into the former working area, settling himself down.  He dropped himself onto the astral plane, smiling when Cordelia and Whistler both showed up; that wasn't ususal so they were expecting something to happen.  He smirked at Whistler.  Buffy had described him perfectly.  "You didn't even have the decency to ask me.  That really does blow, Whistler."

"We didn't start it, we're just going with the way your aunts messed up the board," he said, backing away.  Now he knew why he had been sent.  He had experience in pissed off Chosen Ones.

"No, you're not.  See, lying on the astral plane shows in your aura."  Whistler backed up another step.  "And for that little bit of meddling let me give you a gift back.  Because I'm not the ineffectual little boy they think I am.  I may have started out untrained but gee, look what a decade doing the job teaches me," he said, gathering the hellmouth energy around him.

"Xander, stop it," Cordelia ordered.  "You could hurt yourself."

"If he lets that go, he won't feel it and we'll regret it for the last few very painful minutes of our existences," Whistler told her.

"Xander!" she shouted.  "Stop it!"

Xander stared at him.  "I'm not a champion.  I'm not a slayer.  I'm a simple hunter who can craft weapons.  So why step into my life?"  She backed away from the icy tones.  "I'm not their toy.  They didn't want me in Sunnydale.  They didn't want me anywhere else after Sunnydale.  That's why Africa was like hell at sometimes.  The things a shaman sees," he said sarcastically when Whistler opened his mouth.  "Repeatedly."  Whistler swallowed.  "Now they think they own me because my aunts fucked up.  You want me to work for you, you come to me.  You don't go through my cousins.  You don't do to them what you did to Cordy.  You sure as hell don't try to give me leash holders."

"I've never liked collars on people," John said dryly from behind him.  "Put it down, Xander."  Like others, he hadn't seen that Xander was a threat unless he was hunting.  Now, he realized why some demons were terrified of the younger man.  His temper, well, galactic was Rodney's and Xander was *so* much worse when he lost it.  Rodney wouldn't want to destroy the astral plane even if they had done this to him.  Xander....  He might just make it.

"No.  They want me they'd better be prepared to take me and make me do it after all the things that I've seen in their precious balance."

John moved up behind him, grabbing him and turning him around.  "They didn't start this."

"Really?  You mean like the stuff in Sunnydale where they tried to drive me out?  There's no reason for me to have visions like I'm someone who needs to atone.  Not yet anyway."

John grimaced.  "That's true but those only come around magic."

"Actually there's no reason he has visions at all," Cordelia pointed out.  "He's not a champion, not a slayer, they never considered him important until your aunts screwed things up, he's not from a bloodline of seers, nothing gifted him with them like Winchester's or mine, plus we all know he doesn't have that gift naturally.  Willow's magic attack didn't prime the pump.  It seemed to appear then but that wouldn't be a reason for starting visions.  Caleb couldn't have gifted it to him; he was a higher level minion but he couldn't do that."  She looked at Whistler.  "Why is that?  The Powers would've seen him bringing Buffy back to life.  Or any of the other thousands of things they huff about like his ugly shirts."

"It wasn't written down but it was part of the original prophecy."

"To stop the one who would do so," Xander said, staring at him.  "Yeah, I saw the copy."  He smirked.  "Amazing what's in the dangerous materials vault."

Whistler moaned.  "That wasn't us, kid.  That was someone interfering."

"Really?  Interfering by giving me visions that weren't supposed to happen?  Or interfering like in Africa when I had to watch half a village die because no one had trained me to fight an oncoming army.  Or even how to fight at all."

Whistler winced.  "Not our call.  They could have.  You could've asked."

"I did.  They laughed.  I don't give a damn if the Powers do see me like Buffy and Willow did in high school.  For all I give a damn right this moment, they can hike their asses to another plane."

John considered what the young woman had said.  Lies really did tell in your aura up here.  He concentrated on the energy Xander was building.  He let it channel into him.  "So why did the aunts get that sudden bad idea anyway?" he asked Cordelia.  "It went from 'it'd be a good idea' to 'it has to be done against your wills'."

"They knew it'd help when he has these irrational moments," Whistler said, pointing at the still glowing boy.

"In that case they wouldn't have taken away our consent, they would've used another method and told us," Xander said simply.  "Especially since they were all possessed with higher spirits at the time it happened.  The things visions will show you when the magic brings them," he said sarcastically.

"Why does that happen?" Cordelia asked.  "Since whatever's possessing you seems to know."

He smirked.  "Why take away my free will to act when there's simpler ways to do it?" he asked her.

"They thought you might balk at the gay thing," Whistler said dryly.

"So they threw a dart and hit my name but never looked at anything in my life that might've shown them I wasn't totally against it."  Whistler gaped.  He stared at him.  "Cordy, what did I do on my roadtrip?"

"No one's really sure but I've heard rumors of at least one orgy and one stripping incident."

Whistler stared at her.  "How did you know that?"

"It was all over the underground for a while.  And hey, if they had looked they would've seen that," she realized.  "They think you're possessed."

"Nah, it's a past one and she's damn pissed."  She stepped back, shaking her head.  He nodded.  "Like John and Tony can tell you, the shaman were really great about me getting in touch with her."  He smirked at Whistler.  "That doesn't negate the fact that there's ones that could've been done without our participation, that would've gradually grown into the bond that they seem to want me to have."  He made a book appear, flipping through it until he came to a page.

Cordy snatched it.  "He's right, this one would've been done sooner and without the problems."  She looked at him.  "Then why do it in the way that screwed up three major backups to the light?"  She looked at Whistler.  "That screws their balance."

"Because the light's too heavy," John realized.  "They expected you to lose it and take us out with you when you finally snapped and went after the slayers."  He looked at Xander, who nodded.  "So this?"

"I'm pissed, she's pissed, and you know what?  If they want to do it, it'll have to be of their free will.  Because yeah, there's a way to end visions, Cordelia.  I can make sure that nothing happens to either of them because of me."

"You're willing to switch planes?" Whistler asked.

"Funny, but no."  Whistler gave him a horrified look.  "I can protect them very easily."

"Then the slayers won't have you there when they need you, kid."

"What do I care?  They don't like me," he said bluntly.  "Why would I keep putting myself through that?  Do I seem like a man who likes pain to you?"

"You did keep hunting when they pushed you away."

Xander walked over, putting a hand on his head, showing him something by dropping his shields and forcing the thought over on the hellmouth energy he was putting out.  "That's a common reason and feeling behind most hunters, Whistler.  It's call obsession due to things fucking up our lives."  He let him go, watching him shake.  "Most hunters have it in one form or another.  And you know, if you had approached me back then, I might've done it for you.  Now, if you want me to go bad that badly, turn my ass and watch what I became in Anya's wishverse."  He walked off.  "We're not doing it that way," he told John.  "If you two want me, then you want *me*, not what they want."

John nodded.  "It's important to all of us that there be some feeling behind it, Xander.  I'll tell Tony that."

"Thank you," he said quietly.  He looked back at Whistler.  "Just give me facts and let me do it on my own since I'm known to warp prophecies, Whistler.  How stupid are they to not research what they're playing with when humans aren't predictable."  He looked at Cordelia.  "You're about the only higher power that can appear on the land.  So if they want something, let me know."  He disappeared.  John left too.

Cordelia looked at him.  "You've just made him very stubborn and wanting to destroy all of us.  Are you happy?"

"He can't do it."

"Yeah, he can.  And with the way the slayers treat him, he could take out all the champions.  Not like he likes Angel."  Whistler gave her a horrified look.  She pulled up his history on a screen, letting him see it.  "Do you really think that same boy won't turn into a man who'll do what's necessary for whatever he thinks is right?  And you just made him think that we're evil.  Congratulations," she finished sarcastically.  "You'd better pray he's turned or something.  Then he'll only be evil."

"But that's not what they saw," he said.

"No, but that's reality," she shot back.  "Welcome to this plane, Whistler.  They don't see all.  Plenty of us didn't see the real Xander but you guys didn't even look.  You expected him to be like Sam Winchester.  Instead he's a lot like John and Dean."

"But he was supposed to be like Sam."

"Yes, but the hellmouth blocked the idiot demon so you screwed up!" she shouted at him.  "I'm not going to die because you're a fucking idiot and didn't look at reality!"

"We'll fix it," he assured her, going to tell the bosses that.  They were still trying to figure out where that extra power surge had come from.  He showed them the same thing but they didn't seem to see the point.  "That's the Harris boy," he said at the end.  They gave him alarmed look.  "So was that power.  He was going to let all his remaining hellmouth taint out on us.  On the astral plane.  Do you know how bad that would've been?  You've now turned him away from both sides."

"He was not meant to be that way," one said.

"So?  As Cordelia pointed out, he was that way.  Gay sex and all.  He is beyond livid.  With us, with the champions, with the slayers."

"That would provide balance," the female said, looking at her twin brother.

"Not in a good way when there's no one left on the light's side," Whistler said.  They stared at him.  "Cordelia pegged it.  He'll take everyone out.  No matter how good they were because they're spoiled and you prompted it.  Because you forced him into a relationship against all their wills to try to control what he does later on, and hurt the people he ended up bound to. "

"The slayers will take care of him," the male said.

"No they won't.  They'll agree with him.  Remember, he got to them first."  They both stared at him. He rewound it to when he was counseling some of the girls.

"She is one girl."

The film went forward to her spreading that information.  They groaned.  "He has warped our chosen," the male said.  He looked at his sister.  "We cannot allow this."

"They're still fighting for the light but they know that they deserve a life of their own outside the calling," Cordelia said as she appeared.  "Buffy started that trend and he spread it to the others.  The same as he told them about the concept of having a team who worked with you and how important it was to respect those others who helped.  A few forgot but they're not going to last that long anyway since they forgot it.  It was the most important point of why Buffy lived so long.  And now he's pissed enough to channel power back into a hellmouth and make it explode."  She clapped.  "His mates know too.  They're not real happy and one has access to higher weapons and science from higher thinking beings."  They groaned.  "Do you really think this is the way to go?  Maybe we can change something so it's not so bad?" she asked Whistler.  "Before he destroys everyone everywhere for hurting people to get to him?"

"How?" he asked.

She considered it.  "First, remove the stupid higher visions.  Sleep ones are fine.  He gets plenty, they get bleed over to see without having their own."  He nodded slowly at that idea.  "Secondly, the bond?  Make sure it works right.  Then go visit Buffy and have her point out why she lived so long and how two slayers have already died because they didn't listen.  If you don't respect the lives you're protecting then eventually you get tired and quit.  At least he moved to an associated area and fell back to only helping those he knew when the killing got to be too much for him."

"I can see doing that," he agreed.  "Plus making it so their bond does work correctly with whatever way they choose to do."  He looked over but the Powers had faded out.  "Huh."

She shrugged.  "It doesn't matter.  Go, shoo!"  He went to do that.  She huffed and went to find someone who had some sense and planning ability to help her for a few weeks.  Someone had to straighten out this massive playbook.  It was a world-ending mess.  So she went to who Xander trusted.  The former ascended.  She appeared to him in the gateroom.  "No, you can't go.  I need help."

"Why do you need help?" he asked quietly.  He dropped his pack.  He had been getting ready to head on a mission.  Guess that got screwed up somehow.

"The Powers That Be fucked up *so* majorly trying to turn Xander into an instrument of balance against the light.  He nearly destroyed us all because of it.  They disappeared leaving me, Whistler, and one hell of a mess.  Can we maybe borrow you for a few weeks?  Or months?  It's that bad."

"I'm not any good at strategy," he said.

"So?  You have common sense.  It seems to be needed.  Especially after he broke whatever was making Whistler their lapdog."

Daniel nodded.  "Sure.  Give me a few minutes, Cordelia."  He looked at the general in the control room.

"It sounds like that's an emergency," the general agreed.

"They got him calmed down when he realized it," she assured him.  "Barely.  They're making their own decisions and we're fixing the problems there, Cleveland, LA, and half of everywhere else right now.  Can I borrow him?"  The general nodded.  "Thank you!"  She took him pack, weapons, and all.  Whistler reappeared.  "Any idea where the bosses went?"

"Totally gone.  I can't feel them at all."

"Ask Oma Desala," Daniel suggested.  He went to do that.  He looked at what they had planned out, frowning.  "What the hell is that?"

"I have no clue," she said.  "I'm not that sort of brainy smurf."

"Can you go hijack Jack O'Neill?  Younger or older?"

"Maybe.  They're together."

"Even better.  The younger's the clone."

"Duh."

He'd ignore the sarcasm like he had Jack's.  Sometime she was a lot like a spawn of Jack's from what he had seen of her.  "Please?"

She nodded, going to where they were.  "Yo, you're being recalled to service," she said as she appeared.  "The Powers majorly screwed up, nearly made Xander an apocalypse, and then disappeared when this was pointed out.  Daniel said he needs both of you."  She took them both with her.  She pointed at him.

"Jack, I think this was supposed to be a battle plan for the coming centuries.  I have no idea though."

They came over to look, the younger one tipping his head to the side.  "That's a freakin' mess," the younger said.

"Yeah," the older agreed.  "That's a hell of a mess."  He touched something and it showed him what it was and the planned move.  "That makes no sense!" he said.  The others tried that.  Both Jacks were moaning.

"Please, help us fix it," Cordelia said.  Whistler came back, giving the two new men a funny look then looking at her.  "Xander trusts them and right now Xander is a road sign so I went with who he'd trust if something had to happen," she told him.  "The older one was over Sheppard and is like his original prototype."

"Xander's too," Daniel joked with a smile.

"He tries very hard," older Jack said.  "Can we undo some of this?  Or maybe rebuild it?"

"Definitely," Whistler said.  "I've seen them shifting and removing pawns."  He came over to show them how the board worked.  Within days they would have a less complicated plan that was going to work no matter what happened, wasn't going to needlessly sacrifice champions, and was going to mostly keep the balance.  He and Cordelia were staring in awe.  It even covered alien attacks or native alien creature attacks.  They gave input about who each one was.  Daniel told them something about what they were like, and it worked.

Long live the new Powers That Be...working well finally.  And their oversight committee of smartasses.

***

John and Xander came back to themselves.  Tony walked in with glasses of tea, staring at them.  "It had to happen," John told him.  "They were going to turn him and us into an apocalypse to take out some of the light."

"No way in hell.  Gibbs would kick my ass," Tony told him.

"You guys...." Xander started.

"Drink your tea, shut up, and let us make plans," John said in his ear.  Xander slumped but did drink some of his tea.  "It's time for us to be big boys and make our own decisions, Xander.  Then we'll see."  Xander shifted to look at him.  "It's my choice to join with you that way, not yours or theirs.  You were right about that.  A bit pushy and frantic, but you got the point across.  Way too forceful though."  Xander nodded slightly, looking down again.

"Sometimes force is the only language some people understand," Tony said with a small shrug.  He went back to the kitchen.  "I've already written the aunts."

"Thanks."  He gave Xander a cuddle.  "Give me tonight to think."

"I don't want to lose friends."

"You're not.  Not like I'm going to dump you as a friend just because you had to get pushy and mean."  He smirked.  "Otherwise I would've dropped Rodney into the ocean a *long* time ago."  He stood up and helped Xander up.  "Go play with the dog or make something.  Let us talk and think."  He nodded, leaving him alone.  John went to the kitchen to get more tea.  "He's very strong willed.  He was going to destroy them for hurting us through him."

Tony nodded.  "He hates that anyone gets hurt because of him.  So do we."  He looked at him.  "I don't know, John."

"I told him we'd think tonight.  He also pointed out there was more than one way of bonding us together."  He went to the library to get a copy of that book.  It was still there.  Or newly returned since it was cold to the touch.  Then he went to sit in the living room.  He could hear Xander banging on his forge.  The dog was curled up next to him once she spotted him.  It was...nice.  Calming.  He glared at the ceiling and the feelings faded.  He rolled his eyes, going into the various ways of bonding.  Not that he really minded the first one.  Xander was hot as hell in bed and the three of them were a beautiful picture when they were naked together.

Tony sat on his other side, reading over his arm.  He pointed at one, getting a shrug.  It was nice, uncomplicated, they could do it while Xander was asleep if he got pushy that they didn't have to.  Waking up married would probably piss him off for years though.  He kept going, including the one they had started to go through.  It wasn't bad....

It was a hot mental image that made him sweat.  But the bonding itself was harder on them.  Less intimate and harder to shield against.  There was another that used the same sort of spell and herbs but it worked slightly different.  They had to want it.  They had to tell Xander that they wanted it and him them.  They shared a look then John went to drop the book beside Xander's work space.

He got him some more tea too since his glass was empty.  Taking care of Xander wasn't that hard.  Neither was loving him.  He could feel a bit of pull that way already.  And he knew Xander was panicked because he felt very deeply and couldn't put up with someone not returning it.  It was too much like what he'd had before.

None of them would put up with that.  Xander was not going to be emotionally shredded over this.  They'd even help with that pesky low self esteem problem of his.  Plus some of the nightmares he'd had since getting back home.

Tony heard a car, going out to find it was Dean and Sam.  "Hey, guys."

"Hey," Dean said, getting out.  "Xander that busy?"

"We've got to do something about the bond this weekend."

"Then we can definitely disappear.  We mostly came to borrow the library and have some thinking time away from demons," Sam offered.

Xander came around the house, giving them both hugs.  "What's up, guys?"

"Thinking time about the hunting stuff," Dean admitted.  "Library too if we could."

"I don't mind.  You guys can have the double room.  It's pretty shielded and we've got a lot to talk about before anything happens anyway."

"You sure?" Sam asked.  "I know those things are personal and all that."

"I'm certain," Xander promised with a grin.  "I know what the thinking is like very well."  Dean nodded he remembered.  "Come make yourself lunch and crash for a bit, guys."  They went to do that.  Xander went back to his forge.  He felt more at peace out there.  Someday he'd find out how to make 'kill anything' weapons instead of just blessed ones.  Dean came out and dropped a journal next to the other book.  "What's that?"

"Colt's journal," he said with a smirk.  "Bobby found it.  He thought you might like it."  He went back inside.  Sam was talking to Tony about the various ways of bonding they had thought about.  It made Dean's chest hurt.  It meant Sam was going to leave him alone.  Again.  He wasn't sure he could take that a second time.  Not without something there to buffer him.

Sam walked over to look at him.  "Stop it, jerk.  I'm not leaving.  I'm trying to figure out how to hitch you to a cute waitress so you never have to be a slut again."  He walked off with his sandwich and milk.

Dean stared at his back, grinning some.  "Silly bitch, it won't work," he called after him.  "I'm too much man for just one woman."

"There speaks a future case of VD," John said dryly.

"Not yet it hasn't," Dean said smugly.  "Shore leave that bad?"

"Not hardly.  A few scary moments but they got worked out."  He grinned.  "So, to hunt or not to hunt, that's the question."

"Plenty more evil bitches out there," Dean said.

"Or you could become a watcher," Tony pointed out.  "Some of those girls need a firm hand and experience."

"I considered that but most of the girls I've met were needing spanked more than a firm hand."

"Go see Katya in Nebraska," Xander called.

"Is that from a vision?" Dean called.

"No, she's an older-ish slayer at seventeen.  She could use some training and a lot of the girls could use someone who traveled to them instead of making them leave their areas."

"Traveling backup service?" Sam suggested, looking at Dean.  "Some of that, some training, they might even pay for gas and motels."

"That's an option I might think about.  We'd be in the car, traveling, anyway."

Sam grinned.  "Plus it'd let us stay in one place for a while.  My seat in the Impala has a spring impression in the shape of my ass, Dean."

Dean smirked.  "It was my ass's spot first, Sammy."

"I know."  He went back to the library.  Then he went to watch what Xander was doing.  He wasn't working on a new dagger or anything.  He was working on something that might be a pendant maybe.  Smallish, round but he was trimming out pieces of the center.  "What's that?"

"Protection amulet."

"Cool.  How did you learn to do that?"

"I talked to a local blacksmith, took lessons, and he realized why I was learning so he gave me the books and told me to go learn. I had to make my own mistakes once I had the basics down.  Plus his grandfather was floating around so he gave me some advice too."  He grinned at him.  "It's cool."

"It's very cool and that knife you gave us works really well."  He gave him a hug.  "Thank you for helping protect me, Xander.  You're a special guy."  Xander stared at him.  "I heard, in a minor vision during a nap," he admitted.  "Not forced but you are.   You can even make Dean relax."  He grinned.  "He didn't nag me all week."

Xander snickered.  "Glad to have helped, Sam."  Sam let him go after another squeeze and went back inside.  Xander got back to work, calmer now.  He had needed to hear that.

***

John and Tony made Xander do dishes after dinner while they set things up.  Xander wasn't going to complain as long as they honestly wanted it and this way would prove it to him.  They got everything set up and fans in Dean and Sam's room so they wouldn't get infected with the smoke.  Muffin sniffed a few times and went to sleep with Sam.  They smiled at the dog.  She was a good companion for Xander.  John was in the bathroom while Tony got the guest bedroom.  He'd let it be just them for now.  He still had a few heavy thoughts he needed to work through.  He heard the door shut and came out in a pair of boxer shorts.  Xander stared at him.  He nodded him closer, holding out a hand.

"This looks scarily familiar," Xander said.

John kissed him.  "Slightly different.  This one you have to mean it when it happens."  He smiled at the younger man.  Xander gave him a confused look so he led him to the bed.  The book was beside it with some water, some chunks of fruit for later energy, and a few warm washcloths in a bowl.  The lube was on the other side table along with condoms.  He got Xander stripped and laid him down, watching him read while John finished up a few last things.

Xander put the book aside, looking at him.  "So...."

"It may not be eternal true love like they write about but it's that comfortable, friendship, could turn there sort," he admitted.  "Has been since I got stuck in your head way back during the initial cousins thing."  He laid down next to him, kissing him slowly.  Xander wiggled.  "Xander?"

"I....  Brain dead," he said after another kiss.

"No, not brain dead," he teased with a smile.  "Either of us."  He stroked a hand up Xander's bare stomach. "How do you feel about it?"

"I don't want you guys to be hurt because of me."

"This'll make sure of it.  Beyond that it means that I have one hot hunter to cuddle next to whenever I want."  Xander wiggled some more so he went back to teasing him.  "Do you think you can put up with me and Tony?  He'll be in later."

"That seems odd."

"That was his decision."  Xander nodded, accepting that.  "So?"

"I..."  He played with John's chest, making him hiss with what his nails were doing to his nipples.  "It's very comfortable," he admitted.  "But I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."  He took another kiss, lighting the herbs.  "Will you be ours?"

"As long as I'm not the wife," he teased.

"We'll make Tony love the bottom so we all get some topping time," he promised.  Xander groaned against his throat as the herbs started to work.  John was a bit more clear headed.  "It'll grow.  It's not my ideal but you're hotter than some bimbo with great legs anyway."  The herbs started to take care of them, having felt the feeling behind the words.  He felt Xander get a small vision but it was over with quickly and it gave him a chance to stroke and calm him down, then make him beg.  The herbs were very nice.  Even better than last time.  He was more than willing to do whatever their wicked minds wanted to.  Xander was creative, he was creative, and they had four bottles of lube that they could go through before they had to run out for some.  It was going to be a good night.

***

Tony felt the herbs take hold and mentally sighed.  "Okay so I want them," he muttered.  He felt it start to work on him.  "Them first, like last time."  The herbs were going to win though.  He got up and stripped off, heading over there.  He got there in time to see John making Xander beg him to ride him harder.  Which got a very pretty sounding moan from him.

John looked back and grinned.  "About time you got here.  Way too much self control, Tony."

"Was not," he mumbled, moving closer.  Xander pulled him down to kiss him.  "I'm not ready for that part yet," he said quietly.

"When you are, it'll be fun," Xander assured him.  He took another kiss.  John went back to what he had been doing.  Which was making Xander feel like his ass was a godly relic.  Tony got snuggled underneath Xander so he could thrust down against him, getting them both off.  "Tony, you have to say it," he reminded him.

"I guess I'm yours if you'll have me and keep Gibbs from smacking me so hard," he offered with a grin.  The spell finished taking hold and it was gooooodddd.  Oh, it was so good.  Xander came with a long, low moan and collapsed on top of Tony in a sweaty, shaky mess.  Tony and John shared a kiss.  "That was pretty."

"He's very pretty like that," John agreed.  He took another kiss.  He was still needy.  Xander was too but he needed a short nap.  Too much foreplay first it seemed.  Tony was reacting and it was wonderful.  They were kissing, stroking, nibbling, touching, and fondling when they felt Xander join in with his hands and mouth.  "Oh, that's nice," John moaned.

Tony whimpered but Xander did the same thing to him and it was very nice.  Plus fingers in his ass.  Which made it even better.  He got off quickly and his body seemed to have eternal teenage stamina at the moment so it didn't take too long before he was ready for more.  He knew the bonding meant he'd be breaking that final frontier but he still wasn't sure.  Fortunately Xander was moaning in his ear while John teased them both.  Tony moved to help tease Xander, letting it happen when it did.  When John slid into him it was beautiful and fulfilled the ache he'd had for the last hour or so.  Xander shifted and got John's ass this time and it was even better.  He could feel the bond take hold, then mute itself.  Which was very nice.  He could feel a warmth in the back of his head from each of them but nothing else.  It was very nice.  Comforting.

Xander finally got off and it was good to collapse between the other two.  Yeah, he could do this as long as they really wanted him to.  Though they'd have to work out the house/Atlantis/DC thing they had going.

John leaned down to get closer to his ear.  "If you're worrying I clearly need to do something mean," he whispered with a grin.

Xander looked up at him.  "Just thinking."

"Uh-huh.  Let us worry, you rest."  Xander snuggled in so he could sleep.  John shook his head, looking at Tony.  "What was he worrying about?"

"The bi-coastal thing we have going."

"We're allowed conjugal visits now," John offered with a grin.

"Hmm.  I'll think about that."  He rested against Xander's back.  "He makes a good pillow."

"Yeah, he does."  He got comfortable too.  It was definitely nice.  He'd worry about Atlantis, Tony's job, and Xander's forge in the morning.

***

Dean looked at the wall once the noises stopped, checking his watch.  "I need to work on my stamina if he's Sammy's age and can do two guys for that long," he decided, flipping onto his side.  The dog got off Sammy's bed and came to curl up with him since he was awake.  "Hey, girl."  He petted her gently, making her a happy puppy.  "Did the daddies keep you up too?" he teased.  She lapped his face and got comfortable against his side.  Dean let the petting lull him to sleep.  It was nearly three, he needed it.

***

John looked at Xander as he trudged out the next morning, handing him some juice on his way to the forge.  "Breakfast?" he called after him.

"Sometime," he said with a hand wave.

Tony came out buttoning his shirt.  "Did he have a vision last night?  I got the hint of one but nothing visible."

"He had one but I didn't get anything either," John admitted, sipping his coffee.  "He's not happy this morning."

"I'm hoping he's more sore than I am," Tony said dryly.  Dean and Sam came in from a run with the dog.  "You guys okay?"

"We're good," Dean panted, leaning down to release the dog.  She lapped them both then heard the daddy so she went to curl up near him.  He straightened up.  "She's still bouncy and hyper."

Tony nodded, smiling behind his coffee cup.  "They'll suit each other well for decades," he said.  He moved to the kitchen.  "Xander, I'm cooking," he called.  He heard a small groan but that was the dog.  "No, you have dog food.  I'm making people food."  Sam chuckled.  "You two go clean up and I'll have something by then."  They nodded, going to do that in their room.  Tony was cracking eggs to mix together.

John walked out to take the hammer from Xander, making the younger man give him a curious look.  "You've never come out before breakfast before.  Was it us or the vision we didn't see?"

Xander shrugged.  "I like working on it.  It's calming."

"If you're sure but we're cooking."

"I'll eat in a bit.  Let me finish this."

John looked at what he was doing.  "Protection amulet?" he guessed.  Xander beamed and nodded.  "Your handwriting's getting better," he teased.

"Thank you.  Practice and all that," he taunted back with a smirk.  John let him go back to it, going to help cook.  Xander got a few more lines out of the amulet before Tony had Dean come out to haul him back inside.  Xander had to run outside to cover his forge since it was starting to rain but that was fine.  It happened.  Muffin came in to nap with them while they watched tv since nothing else was going on at the moment.

John looked at Xander, then mentally nudged him, getting a physical grunt.  "How does this thing work?"  Xander sent over instructions on shielding.  "You've been working on it?"

"Yup.  Ancient Thai secret."

Tony shook his head but went over the instructions.  They weren't that hard.  He tried the first exercise and the warm spot that was his new husbands faded back further.  Now it was like the sun shining in his brain on a winter day instead of a late spring day.  Muffin groaned as she stretched out next to him, getting petted for her efforts to be distracting.

Sam came bouncing out of the library with his laptop.  "A few of my friends are having a get together."

"How good of friends?" Dean asked.  "Are they going to freak out at the sight of you thanks to that one in St. Louis?"

"No!"  He sat down.  "I already asked and they said to come and bring you.   Plus whatever I've been doing for online-classes."

"Have you been?" Tony asked.  "I know there's a lot of them out there.  Some are through some of the better colleges too."

"Two classes," Sam admitted.  Dean gave him a pointed look because he hadn't told him. "If I didn't want to have to repay my scholarship I had to go forward," he admitted.  "So I'm all but done.  If I can get one done this fall, I can walk in the spring."

Dean considered it.  "Dad would be proud," he decided.  "Go ahead."  Sam beamed at him.  "Any other shocking news you're hiding?  Like I already have nieces or nephews?"

"Not that I've been told," he admitted.  "If so, I'd hope that my earlier girlfriends would've told me."

"Me too," Dean said dryly.

Xander snickered, shaking his head.  "If I have any floating around out there I'd be shocked too but they'd better tell me."

Sam nodded.  "My yelling would know no stopping for *years*," he agreed smugly.

Dean shook his head.  "Wouldn't beat Mom coming back from the dead to kill them then you, Sammy.  Really.  Dad and I would hide."

Sam smirked at him.  "You played a lot more often than I have, Dean.  That means it's more likely you've got one stashed somewhere."

"Not that I've been told about," he assured him.  "I know my ladies would have told me."

"Since when did you date ladies?" Sam taunted with an evil smirk.

Dean looked at him before going to get into Xander's holy water stash on his altar, bringing it back to splash him.  He started an exorcism, cracking Tony and John up.

Xander shook his head.  "For future reference, those don't work real well on me.  I tend to keep them," he said when Dean looked at him.  "Twice now."

Dean shuddered.  "Demonic?"

"Hyena," Tony said, rubbing his ankle over the scar.

"Soldier," John said with a grin at Xander.  Xander nodded.  "Any idea where that Rayne guy is anyway?  I'd almost like to thank him for that and make sure that he's not anywhere near my project."  That had been an odd thought to have.  Why would a British chaos sorcerer be on Atlantis or even at the SGC?

"I'm not sure.  You might ask Willow and them.  Of course, he probably signed on with your project to make sure the bad things weren't going to interfere with Janus' fun."

Dean shuddered.  John was nearly whimpering in horror.  "That's so bad, dude," Dean complained.  He finished the exorcism, then huffed.  "Looks like it's a normal level of evil and you just need laid, Sammy.  We've got to fix that.  We're stopping in the city on the way east."

"Sure, I'll find a high class brothel while you go trolling," Sam quipped.

John looked at them then back at Xander.  "You don't really think that, do you?"

"Personally I think he'd run from the military but you never know.  He is the high priest to a god of chaos.  Your project and the mothership in the mountain do bring some pretty chaos."  He gave him a serious look.  "Have someone do a locating charm.  If he's in the city, you'll know."

John shuddered, walking off to call Rodney from the office so he could find the picture.  Yup, he was sure Ethan was in his city with the way things had been for the last week.  He emailed his personal annoyance machine a picture of him.  "Rodney, me.  I just emailed you a picture.  Make sure he's not on Atlantis.  No, not a military problem, but he had been taken by a problematic one before because he's a high priest to Janus.  Yes, that Janus.  Rodney, just make sure before we're all turned into something.  Please."

He hung up and put his head down.  Ten minutes later his cellphone rang with a 'he's in the infirmary on the staff, what did you want to do with him' message.  He called Landry's desk.  "Sir, John Sheppard.  Remember Xander saying something about Ethan Rayne?  Yes, the one who had him possessed and the Initiative took hostage.  He's on Atlantis.  On the medical staff."  He listened to the groaning through the choking.  "Xander mentioned it wouldn't be unreasonable.  Rodney's asking for orders.  Thank you, sir."

He hung up and texted Rodney back 'give Landry time to choke and make sure he can't disappear, do a sick-in thing'.  "This is a time for beer," he decided, walking into the kitchen.  Unfortunately they were out.  No other liquor either.  He had to settle for chocolate.  Xander pouted at him.  "He's on the medical staff."  He sat down with a small huff, getting Muffin over by patting his lap.  She would soothe him very nicely.

"He could be keeping chaos down," Sam offered.

"He might be if Janus can't channel it," Xander agreed.  "Of course if you all get food poisoning I'd look at him.  Or if we have a mass hallucination or everyone acting like teenagers, something like that."

John nodded.  "That'd suck.  I was surly as a teenager."

"I was a sports guy so I got better girls," Tony admitted dryly.

"Not that much different then," John taunted with an evil smirk.

Dean looked at them.  "Do I need to go make more holy water?"  They both shook their heads.

"If you want to," Xander offered.  "I could use some for the blessing on that protection amulet I'm working on since you took the rest of mine."  Dean got up to do that for him.  He grinned at Sam.  "Sneak out now," he mouthed.  "Make him have a fun hunt."  Sam snickered but shook his head.  "Really.  Before he gives you to some skanky street ho."

Sam put down his laptop and went outside to look over the car.  Sure enough, Dean did track him down a few minutes later.  "Xander suggested I should run to make you hunt in a more fun way."

"Unfortunately I can't spank him like I can you," Dean taunted.

"Not likely.  Clubbing?" he asked suddenly.

"I could use some easy lays," Dean decided.  They went inside to get dressed and head out for an easy afternoon and then the club.

Tony poked Xander on the arm.  "Making Dean get jealous and overprotective might not make them happy."

"Yes it will.  Dean's happiest taking care of things and people.  He needs to take care of Sam.  He has been since they were really little, or so it seems to me."  He looked at his new lover.  "Sammy was angsting though so Dean needed to distract him.  That would've given Sam a method to distract both of them from the heavy thoughts.  They got me a dog for the same reason."  He went back to his tv watching, flipping the channel.  He hated rainy days.

Muffin shifted over to let the daddy pet her too.  Xander grinned and did that.  John didn't mind.  Muffin was in his lap but it felt nice to pet the dog.  And be petted now and then when Xander's hand ran into him.  Yup, now he felt like a newlywed.

"John, if you're that needy, ask," Tony said.

Xander snickered.  "Are you not?" Xander asked him.

"Well, yeah," he admitted dryly.  "But I have self control.  I haven't pounced."

Xander smirked.  "I noticed that."  General Landry appeared in a fizzle of light with someone else who had his head down.  "Hey, Ethan, welcome to my home," Xander told him.  The older man gave him a horrified look.  "Relax, they're in Cleveland.  Finn's group is in Homeland.  I make weapons now."  He stared at him.  "You were keeping it down, right?"

Ethan nodded slowly.  "As Janus commanded.  It helped me work through some problems and kept them from destroying the galaxy."

"Cool."

Ethan was looking very confused.  "You're not going to hit me, send me away?  Nothing?  Even after what happened back then?"

"Ethan, I spent almost a year in Africa growing up," Xander said bluntly.  "Thank you for Halloween though, it's been a great help through the years of hunting back there."  Ethan gaped, mouth flopping open.  Xander grinned.  "It's helped a lot."  He grinned at his dog then at him.  "Anything going on John has to know about?"

"You know of him?"

"He's a distant cousin and the aunts wanted us to marry," Tony said.  "Just don't hit DC, please?  We'd have to help fix it and my boss would kill whoever magiced the capitol."

Ethan shook his head.  "Not on my to do list," he admitted.  "Are you all under a spell or a curse?" he demanded.  "You're not normal."

"No, we're not.  The whole family hunts," Tony said dryly.  "That's why the aunts wanted us to marry this one," he said with a head nod at Xander.

Who just grinned.  "They're very good at it too."

"You're warped, boy," Landry said dryly.

"Well, yeah, but that's because someone has to master shields," he said, glaring at Tony.  Then he grinned at Ethan again.  "My house is magic free because it brings on really horrible visions, or it used to, not really sure which, but hey, live and let live, Ethan."

Ethan shook his head quickly.  "This is wrong on so many levels," he muttered.  "Where is darling old Ripper?"

"Cleveland, being driven insane by a whole lot of slayers.  He's in charge now," John said with a smirk.  "You know, you're not a bad nurse.  You didn't stick me too hard the last time I was in there."

"Thank you, I think."  He looked at the boy.  "So you're going to just let me go?"

Xander nodded.  "If the general doesn't want you, the only thing I could do is ask you nosy questions so I could help Willow the next time she leaked chaos magic or to write notes on how chaos magic affects demons for hunting."

"It does," he admitted cautiously.  "There's a few wonderful books on that subject."

"Can I get the titles?" Landry asked.  "Apparently Jackson has been building his own occult and odd thing library.  Someone cleaning his office uncovered the stack in the closet."

Ethan nodded. "I could see doing that."

Cordelia showed up with Daniel.  "I would like them," Daniel admitted.  "We're getting there, General.  They had a screwed up system worse than the Pentagon could ever create."  She took Ethan with them.

Xander waved at the bare spot.  "Have fun," he called.  He looked at the general.  "Want a drink, sir?"

"We're out of beer, General, but there's water, tea, disgusting vegan milk, and regular milk," John quipped.

"I think you're too warped, Sheppard."

"It's Tony's dirty mind, sir."

Tony gave him a bad look.  "My mind's not that bad.  You're the one who had thoughts about Xander on fur."

"I don't need or want to know," Landry said, touching his earpiece.  "Take me back to my office please."  He disappeared in a fizzle of light.

"O'Neill said he used to make Hammond reach for his tums whenever he saw him," John said after a moment's silence.  "I wonder if I'm approaching his record."

Cordelia appeared.  "He said yes and to quit it before he has to come back and do more paperwork so it gets screwed up."  She disappeared again.

Xander grinned at Tony.  "I used to date her."

"Clearly you warped her," he said, patting him on the arm.  Muffin looked at him. "We're going to pet the daddy so John's dirty mind calms down.  Go lay down."  The dog ran off to hop up on Dean's bed for a nap.  Tony got up and hauled Xander up, giving John a pointed look.  "Before I'm traumatized by you two doing a spell to make you dogs?"

"That wouldn't be that fun," John admitted.  He got up anyway.  He was a bit needy and Xander was very good at teasing him.  That had to be why he had put on the spandex bike shorts this morning without underwear.  "Don't wear those around my team?" he asked quietly.  "You might make Teyla blush," he finished when Xander gave him a dirty look.

"Why would she blush?"

"Because those are a bit tight and form fitting," Tony said, watching Xander walk off shaking his head.  "And it's clear that you and even thongs have parted ways.  I've seen rent boys more clothed," he muttered as he walked.

"Easier access," John said with a small leer.  "Did you put on good clothes today to impress us?"

"It's about what I packed.  I grabbed the wrong bag."  He followed them to the bedroom.  Since they were offering and all....

The end.

Chapter 7: Pushy Pussheads Trying To Get Their Way

What do you do when the higher ups want you to do something you don't want to do?  You get stubborn! Or possibly vindictive.

John appeared back in the gate room on Atlantis in a flash of light with boxes.  "Guys, incoming shipment from the main base," he called.  They cleared the area and got things to haul boxes to their necessary spots.  He got out of the way too.  He knew how much stuff had been transported over.  "We'll have ten minutes to clear each load," he told the guy in charge of that.  "Their gate room was full."  That got a nod and he got more people to help.  John went up to Woolsey's office, saluting him casually with a smirk.  "I'm better."

"Headaches?  Bleed through?  Anything to worry about?"

"Now and then I'll catch some frustration or something major.  Xander hasn't had any visions since then but a reliable otherworldly source said he'd only have the daytime ones in emergencies from now on."

"There's a reliable otherworldly source?"

"Cordelia, the ascended Xander used to date.  The one who took both O'Neills and Jackson to help them unscrew what the higher ups had screwed up totally.  Before they decided to have us turn to the dark side to take out the overwhelming force of the light," he finished blandly.  Woolsey shuddered.  "My feelings too."  He looked down there.  "If that's the third shipment, you've got three more.  Plus the personal stuff that got asked for."  The guys smiled and got to work again.  "Shipment from the main base."

"I heard."  He looked him over.  "You don't look tanned."

"It's been raining for the last week.  We did hit the beach for a bit.  Xander wanted to body surf.  That was the day my team showed up for a cookout though."  He shrugged.  "We got a bunch of stuff done.  We're good again.  Any new traumas I need to know about?"

"Major Lorne wasn't that bad.  The scientists tried to ignore him a few times when he called mandatory PT.  One tried to have him eaten by a plant sample."

John snickered.  "I find a carrot and stick approach work best with the ones who probably complained."  He got onto the comm system.  "All base personnel who missed mandatory PT will not be allowed any dinner until they do their mandated time.  Since we just got new food shipments I'd do it quickly."  He hung up.  He heard the mass groan and even some of the Marines had to go do PT.  He smirked.  "I told them the last time that I'd have the cooks withhold sweets."  He walked off.  "Evan," he called when he spotted him.

"So that's how you do it," he said dryly.

"I told the cooks no sweets if they got stubborn."  He smirked.

His second-in-command looked him over.  "No tan but he clearly fed you."

"Xander's not a bad cook.  Tony's an excellent cook.  I'm not bad.  You could've come up for the cookout."

"No offense, Sheppard, but I didn't want to see you being cute and cuddly."

"I'm not.  Xander is.  Xander's dog really is."  He smirked.  "Muffin's even won over Rodney."

"Damn.  Is it a saint in disguise or some sort of mind screwing demon?"

"No, she's a black lab.  Bouncy, hyper, a lot like Xander."  Evan walked off snickering.  "Make sure they're getting their full time in."

"I am.  You only have one thing to do today."

"That's cool.  Thank you."  He looked over when someone whistled, catching a bag that got thrown at him.  "Thank you.  Didn't realize I had forgotten it."

"Sir, I think you forgot something else," someone said, pointing at the puppy sniffing them all.

"Muffin," he groaned.  The dog's head popped up and she looked around until she spotted him, running over for attention.  "How did you come with me?"  He bent over to pet her.

"The note attached to her collar said that she got beamed up too," one of the equipment handlers said.  "'Scuse me, Colonel."  John got them out of the way.

Rodney walked in and stopped when he saw the dog.  "Did something happen and you're adopting?" he guessed.

"No.  She accidentally came with me."

"That's fine.  I'm sure we can find her a way back home soon enough."  She ran over to sniff him, barking and wagging her tail until he sighed and petted her too.  "Fussy dog," he teased.

Woolsey came out of his office.  "Did I hear a dog?"

"Somehow Muffin managed to get caught in the beam," John called.  He pointed.  "The next one off base can take her back to Xander."

"I suppose that's fine but make sure she's outside trained?"

"She is.  She's very good at it.  Even realized how to move a window to get out one day."  He walked over.  "Find Teyla, have her pet you."  The dog took off running, tongue hanging out of her mouth, tail going full speed.  He grinned.  "PT?" he asked Rodney.

"I've done mine for the week," he complained.  Someone shouted.  "I think she's near the labs."  He took off running, going to stop the dog from ensnaring any scientist that might want to keep her.  Teyla and Radek were petting her.  "Thank you for keeping her out of the lab," he said dryly.

Radek smirked.  "How did we get a dog?"

"She's Sheppard's step-mutt."  He got nudged so he petted her too.  "Be good and take Teyla with you so she can feed you."  The dog perked up and barked happily until she walked her off.

"Xander's dog?" Radek guessed.  Rodney grimaced but nodded.  Radek grinned.  "She seems nice."

"She's very cuddly.  A bit bouncy and she doesn't beg all that often."  He went back to work.  "Whoever goes out next time can bring her home."

"That's fine."  He got back to his own project.

John walked into the mess, seeing the angry cooks.  "Not my fault she accidentally got caught up.  Feed her potted meat, that's basically dog food in a people can."  They snorted but got her some on a paper plate.  The dog bounced around until Teyla put it down for her.  "Thank you."  He looked at Teyla.  "Whoever goes out next can take her home."

"She is very lively and very nice to pet."  She watched the dog lick up all the food at a speed that not even McKay or Ronon could use, blinking a few times.  "I think she was hungry."

"I think she was too."  Muffin got done and sniffed, following Teyla instead of him since she was leaving the room.  "Bring her back when you're done," he called after her.  She smiled and nodded back at him before turning a corner.  He shook his head, tossing out the paper plate.  "I have no idea," he said at the looks he was getting.  "I was beamed up."  He walked off, thinking hard at the shields.  Xander was already complaining that they fed her potted meat but oh well.

***

Sam Carter knocked on Xander's door, walking in one of the open wall panels.  "Xander?" she called.

"Bathroom," he called back.

"That's fine."  She sat down, letting the dog she had brought with her come in to hop onto the cushion next to her.  "You're so spoiled," she told her.  Muffin barked and snuggled in.

Xander came out.  "They called you from Colorado to return my dog?"

"Yup."  She smiled.  "Muffin was very good.  The base's shrink let a few Marines pet and brush her all they wanted since they were missing their pets.  She got a lot of walks, wandered around until we found out she was going where she shouldn't, and then spent the rest of the time on Ronon's bed begging for belly scratches."

"She does treat him like a littermate," Xander admitted, bending down to hug his dog.  "Thank you for coming back, Muffin."  He smiled at Sam.  "I can't believe they made you bring her back."

"Of course they did.  They threatened to send McKay up but they thought you might warp him too, Xander."  Xander gave her a dirty look.  She just grinned.  "John has been telling dirty jokes for the last two days."

"He was always like that."

"I know but it freaked out some of the new people."  She gave the dog one last pet then looked at him.  "How are you coming with the metal making stuff?"

"Not too bad, my handwriting's getting better for inscribing too.  I made them a few knives, they're easiest."

"I saw John's.  It's a good size for a fight."

"Bigger is easier at first up to the point of huge."

She nodded.  "I can see why.  Are you folding the metal?"

"Yup.  That's how the guy taught me.  I'm not doing it too many times yet but about four times."  He led her out there to let her see the forge.  He had watched some native metal workers in Africa and had enjoyed his lessons with the local blacksmith.  Colt's journal was safely stored in a fireproof box for when he was ready for it.

She admired the set up, nodding some.  "It looks good."  She smiled at him.  "Kneeling?"

"Sitting on my butt.  I can't stand that long.  I can get just as much force though."

"Even better."  She patted him on the back.  "If you get really good and start to sell things, let me know."  She smiled.   "Let me get back to the base.  The higher ups in Area 51 are getting fussy over wondering how your friend Willow does things."

Xander gave her an odd look.  "Magic isn't science.  Some of it is belief."

"Which is why they'll never get it working, which suits me just fine," she assured him with a huge grin.  "Because otherwise they'd be really annoying and I'd have to shoot them."

"If any do get it to work, make them progress up slowly.  If you go too fast, you can end up like Willow and addicted to it," Xander warned calmly.

She nodded.  "I can make that point.  Like any power you need to have some balance and work your way up the learning ladder.  Same as any other art you learn."  She pinched him on the arm.  "Behave.  Spoil her rotten for making Ronon laugh in public."  She left.

Xander smiled at his dog.  "You were so good," he cooed, petting her.  She was happy to be back, she lapped him until he sat down laughing to cuddle her.

***

Tony walked back to his desk, finding something on it.  "Boss, is this pile of papers mine or did someone take my desk?" he asked Gibbs since he was at his.

"No, it's yours.  The director wanted you to update your personnel records since you have new college credits."  He took a sip of his coffee and put the cup down.

Tony looked at him.  "I did that last year."  He put it off to the side.  "Anyway, I'm back."

"Is it stopped?"

"We think the sudden headache problem is stopped unless there's an absolute emergency."  Gibbs stared him down.  He stared back.  "So said his ex, Cordelia."

"The one who came to tell Rosenburg no magic around him?"  Tony gave him a smug look and a nod.  "Fine.  I don't need to know."

"We defeated the plan to make us turn evil so we'd take out the heaviness on the one side, and then we worked on the shields.  They work now."

"Even better.  Anything else I should hear?"

"John was complaining that Xander's dog somehow snuck off to work with him.  She greatly amused his base."

Gibbs shook his head but he was smiling.  "I'm sure his CO was amused."

"Not quite but everyone else loved her for the day it took to get someone to take her back home."  He looked at the forms.  They had post-its next to the places that needed updating.  Long live the secretary in HR, she was amazing.  "Boss, none of the stuff they marked has to do with education.  It has to do with income."

Gibbs came over to look, then shrugged.  "No clue, DiNozzo."

"Let me call them," he said, dialing down there. "It's DiNozzo.  I came back from medical leave to find a whole lot of things that needed updating in the family and income sections?"  He listened.  "I was disavowed at a young age.  Even then, it doesn't really matter what my family has since we don't talk."  He hung up.  "Apparently my parents had a car crash, boss."  He took a deep breath.

"Going to the funerals?"

"Nope.  They didn't want me to be their son.  Why would I?"

Gibbs nodded.  "Think someone will complain?"

"Nope.  They told all their friends they didn't want a son when I was twelve.  Screw 'em."

"Fine.  Do whatever you have to do and hand those back."

Tony carried them upstairs, because the secretary had said the director had told them to have him update it.  He walked in and put it on her desk.  "I was kicked out at twelve, Director.  Not like they liked me and no one would've left me anything.  Beyond that, it's none of their business."  He walked off.  "There, gone, boss."  He sat down, looking at McGee, who was walking in.  "How was your weekend, Probie?"

McGee paused to stare at him.  "No sleep?" he guessed dryly.

"Plenty of sleep.  I got back Friday night."  He smirked.  "Why?  Do I look tired?"

"Just a bit.  Abby wants to make sure you won't be mad at her for mentioning your parents died and accidentally telling the director since she was eavesdropping."

"It's fine.  Not like they like me and I see no reason to go into that situation."  McGee nodded, going to his desk.  "Boss, case?"

"We had the weekend off," he admitted.  "There's two open in the team but neither are short term.  One's a theft ring, one's a call-girl operation."

Tony nodded, walking over to get the files so he could look them over.  "Hey, I know her," Tony said at the theft one's photo.  "She got my car open once when I locked my keys in the trunk by accident."

Gibbs' head popped up.  "Which one?"

Tony held up the picture.  "Her, boss."

"She reported the thefts."

"Hmm."  He sat down to go over it.

The director walked down there.  "It is mandatory that we know your family's history, DiNozzo."

He looked at her.  "Since my family history reads 'disowned at twelve', Director, what did you need to know?  Not like I have access to anything of theirs and even if they came begging I wouldn't want it."  She flinched back.  "Other than that, the records were complete.  You have my family's history on there.  I don't have to update that just because they died.  If there's a question about their date of deaths, tell me."  He went back to the file.  "Boss, I think either had a falling out or she was getting annoyed at lesser people who couldn't do the same job she did."

"Why do you figure that?" Gibbs asked, ignoring the director.

"Because her father's a well known thief and she's publically disavowed him."  He looked over.  "I think in this case blood was telling and they annoyed her or they just annoyed her."

Gibbs nodded.  "We can talk to her."  He grabbed his jacket.  Tony grabbed his things and walked out around the director.  "McGee, pull up the base's personnel lists so we can double check any names she gives us."  He sat back down and did that for him.  He looked at Tony.  "She's looking for an access hatch," he said once they were on the elevator.

"Xander said if she tried to get me to go sex bait people for a job he's having her eaten," he said dryly.

Gibbs smirked.  "It figures he's overprotective."

"Oh, he's *so* overprotective, boss.   I've seen less protective rottweilers."

"Figures he'd be protective once he got something to hold onto."  He got into the car.

Tony got into the passenger's seat, looking at him.  "He's always been overprotective.  Xander has this need to help his friends and loved ones with anything that's going on.  Unfortunately I got that one message from the director the other day."  Gibbs gave him a dirty look.  "I forwarded it to you."

"I haven't been in my email in days, DiNozzo.  What did she send?" he started the car, put it in reverse, then started to back out.

"She wanted me to go to the local office and help them chat up a suspect who liked rent boys."  Gibbs braked hard.  Tony put on his seatbelt.  It was looking like a bad driving day for Gibbs.  His boss was giving him a harsh look.  He found it in his phone, letting him read it.  "He wasn't happy.  John wasn't happy and told his general so others could be warned she wasn't above using people."

Gibbs handed back the phone, put the car in forward and sped off.  "I don't like that."

"Neither do I.  Which is why I forwarded it to Ducky as well so he could have a calm chat with her before I got back."

"Hopefully she's relented then.  How is the marriage thing?"

"Not bad.  They appreciate my cooking.  John takes too long in the shower but Xander's place has three bathrooms.  The dog adores me.  We got to watch Xander do a lot of work on his forge and made him go sightseeing with us a few times to get him out of the house.  He was almost scared that going out would bring some attention to him.  We proved him both right and wrong.  No demons but two very gay twinks for rent tried to hit on him, making him blush and stammer.  John subtly put a claiming hand on his back so they pouted at him for it.  Said he was taking more than his fair share."

Gibbs snorted, shaking his head slightly.  "Then we went to the Presidio to look around.  Xander liked it but didn't want to stay that long.  Apparently the spirit that possessed him that halloween had worked there a few times.  He knew some of the current people and places."  Gibbs moaned.  "So we took him to dinner and he was bouncy like a kid in a candy store.  We visited the chocolate factory but kept him from buying half the store."

"That's probably a good idea from what I've heard."

"He does get more bouncy than his dog on candy," Tony agreed with a smirk.  "John bought a lot and Xander snuck some of them.  Candy bars are an underground trading item on his base."

"That's good.  Did you go there?"

"He pointed out where it was to us, being subtle, but nothing else.  A few of his coworkers came up for a cookout one weekend.  Muffin treats one of John's teammates like a littermate.  Another is her favorite petter because she has nice nails and the patience to sit and pet her for *hours*."  Gibbs let out a quiet snicker.  "Then we saw a few other of his teammates when we had to take Xander to the doctor.  He had burned his hand, again, and this time it was more than a scald."

"He doesn't use gloves?"

"He does.  His tools are supposedly insulated as well.  He was moving one and burned his arm by accident.  The last time the handle of one got him.  He thought it was cooler than it was.  He's getting better though."

"That's good.  Any other important discoveries?"

"Xander's ticklish."  Gibbs shot him a dirty look.  He smirked.  "He is.  John is too."

"I don't need to know that unless I have to take them down some day, DiNozzo."

"Fine."  He shifted in his seat, looking around the car.  He plucked the bug, holding it up.  It was a tracking beacon.  Gibbs took it and threw it out the window.  "I'll have Abby or someone check it when we get back," Tony said quietly.  "Right after I talk with whoever's coming because I filed a complaint when she violated don't ask, don't tell."

Gibbs smirked.  "I never took you as the vindictive type, DiNozzo."

"Yes, boss, I am.  I'm the most highly vindictive bitch there is."  He gave him an evil smirk.  One that would get Dean to try an exorcism on him.  "They have a copy of the email as well."

"Good.  Any other news I should hear?"

"The SecNav called Friday before I boarded.  He wants me to switch to Homeland to help Finn's group.  I told him in great detail why I would not, including about their past.  I also gave him the name of the remaining files and where they were.  He left me a voicemail while I was flying saying that he agreed, but we could make a new unit.  I gently declined once I heard that.  I warned Fornell too.  He agreed, and turned it down because they wanted him to be over it."  Gibbs groaned, shaking his head again.  "Exactly.  Then I pointed out I'm already in federal service and my coffee addiction was being fed at NCIS better.  Plus I wouldn't want to be one of those agents who turns into a credit-stealing asshole.  He snorted but said I probably wouldn't.  You had trained me right.  I told him if he had me switched, I'd quit."

"Did he give up?"

"I don't know.  John got the same sort of call from one of the higher ups in the Pentagon.  He called Landry in on a conference call when he heard who was calling.  Because he's on a secret project.  The other higher up wasn't happy.  I'm expecting O'Neill to show up any day now to beat the snot out of that one."

"He showed up again last night sometime.  For some reason Abby got told."

"Hmm.  He had been on special assignment helping Cordelia unscrew things like the plan to make us take out the heaviness on the light's side."

"How?" Gibbs asked quietly.

"The visions and other things were going to start getting worse.  Xander was going to end up snapping and going after them.  We'd either help or try to stop him, getting us all taken out at the same time.  They had no idea that Xander knows explosives and battle tactics.  They didn't want to know that he knew explosives and battle tactics.  Or that the bonding thing started by the aunts was the higher ups being pushy to start their plans.  Because they wanted an absolute balance and it's not possible."

"I doubt it ever was."

"Before there were people," Tony offered.  "After there's people it'll come again.  But now Cordelia's apparently slightly in charge.  Or part of the team in charge.  O'Neill was helping straighten things out by what she told Xander earlier."

"So you can still hear him?"

"When I want to or he wants me to.  We're fully shielded against each other.  It'll fall if he's in danger but John and I made sure ours would stand up so he could feel it but not interrupt again.  We've got it covered and the visions were stopped, boss."

"Good."  His phone rang.  He looked at it then answered it, still driving one handed.  "What?"  He listened.  "No, I can't, sir.  I'm going to question a suspect."  He hung up.  "The SecNav wants to talk to both of us about the new unit the government is starting."

"I don't want to...."  Tony took his phone and called him back on *69.  "Sir, Tony DiNozzo.  I don't really feel like I want to go kill demons and vampires every day for the rest of my short career before I turn into an alcoholic.  I'm sorry you want me to become a mass murderer of the other side, but that's not who I am.  Yes, sir, you don't trap them like in the movies.  You don't banish most of them unless they're ghosts.  You kill them.  They end up bodies or piles of ash or goo.

"I don't feel like being a long-term hunter that way and I'll be damned if I want to take the risk and slip to hunting humans the same way when I get overloaded.  That's why I'm not hunting now," he finished firmly.   He listened to the complaints.  "Sir, if I had wanted to go that way, I would've had the full support of my extended family.  Materials, research help, all that.  I don't feel like being what amounts to an assassin.   That's why I'm a backup for apocalypses only. I'm sorry if you think I do."  He listened then he snorted, shaking his head.

"Sir, politely, fuck yourself.  If I wanted to go be a hitman, I'd be taking out evil bastards who hurt others and get paid a lot more than NCIS does.  Since I haven't yet....  Well, let's just say that there's no way you'll get me there.  I went against orders and ran into Homeland when I had to stop Finn's group.  I nearly went to jail over it then.  I will do the same now, sir, and I have five years of federal service so they can't make me switch anywhere.  I don't care what plan you cooked up with some senators.

"For that matter, you might check with Director Sheppard since she's disrespecting my forced marriage to one of my cousins thanks to the aunts, and wants me to go sex up terrorists for her.  Another thing I'm not going to do.  Now, is there any other plan or plot that I should be aware of that includes any part of my body?"  The other man said something coolly.

"That's fine, sir.  I can give you my two weeks at the same time I talk to a lawyer since we were *forced* together to start it off.  Even if the director did try to take advantage of that.  No, I'm fairly content right now even though my forced spouse is on the other coast.  You know what?  You want a report on that, go to General Landry, sir.  My aunts got one of his people too by drugging us and locking us in a room then doing spells on us.

"Now, is there anything else I need to counter before I call my lawyer?  I've already got two breaches of federal regulations and trying to make my life a living hell.  Oh, sir, I'm the original vindictive bitch.  Every single day.  Don't believe me, ask Abby about the last one."  He hung up.  "So, I might be moving out by San Francisco, boss.  You can come visit with the team."

"Calm down.  They can't do it against your will, DiNozzo."

"Ours, boss.  He said you were going to be leading this new unit.  That way I wouldn't lose your leadership."  He called a number he had.  "Daniel, Tony DiNozzo.  No, huge problem here in DC.  The SecNav has decided to set up a hunting unit against our wills and is threatening to transfer us without our consent there.  Including John.  I know he got a call from someone recently and had to conference in Landry because they were trying to go around him.  Yeah, and I'm not doubting that they're going to be mining your project for helpers.  So you might want to warn someone.  Thanks, man.  No, I'm going to sue," he said bluntly.  "If I had wanted to be a hitman against demons I'd already be doing it."  He hung up and relaxed.  "There, he'll pass that around."

Gibbs gave him a few worried looks.  "That won't stop him."

"It will stop him.  Landry's project is presidential oversight only."  He emailed something from his phone to Daniel's email account.  He was probably online at the moment.  "That file will make sure of it."

***

Daniel hung up and took a deep, calming breath before he screamed and ranted.  He didn't want to hunt demons!  He heard his computer chime and moved to get the new email, printing it out without reading it.  He didn't need or want to know.  He walked it up to the general's office, walking in after knocking lightly.  "Here, Tony DiNozzo said to give this to the president to make him stop the SecNav's idea about a new hunting unit that he's trying to force others into.  Including some of us probably.  He's livid and about to go off."

General Landry read the email and shuddered.  "That's probably going to be counted as blackmail."

"His name's not on it.  I'm pretty sure he won't like it when he finds out how many of his friends and cronies are listed, especially since most of the pushy ones are on it.  Probably to get out of whatever deals they made for power."  He smiled.  "If they come for me, I'm siccing Jack on them, General.  I'm not going to hunt demons."

"Sheppard said the same thing when they tried to talk him into it."  He picked up the red phone then faxed the list over.  "Sir, General Landry.  Some information just hit my desk in regards to those people who are trying to steal some of my best people for the new demon hunting squad the Secretary of the Navy and others are trying to start.  Yes, that fax is from me."  He listened while he read it over, hearing the muttered swears.

"It's mostly felt by those mentioned as joining the unit that they don't want to or they'd already be doing it.  It's the instinct of some of my people that the pushy ones on that list are doing so to get out of their deals.  I can have someone ask to see if there is a way out of it for them but I need my people, sir."  He smirked.  "Someone's already tried to get around me to get Colonel Sheppard, sir.  He conferenced me in because they tried to do an end-run around me.  The others in that...situation are about as livid."

"Tony said he's the original vindictive bitch and he's suing for that and breaches of other federal laws," Daniel said with a smile.

"Yes, sir, that was Jackson.  He got it from DiNozzo.  Email actually.  I'm holding the only paper copy in my hands, sir."

"And I'm not erasing it," Daniel told him.  "Let them try to move me and I'm going to 20/20.  I'm sure a good reporter would love that story."  He walked off.

"That was Jackson, yes, sir.  He's not pleased either and I'm sure he's going to tell the others on his team, present and past, so they can be just as unpleased.  That's fine, sir.  I'm hoping you can stop them before someone ends up doing something rash like outing them perhaps or even making it so that *other* project was known about since they're in Homeland Security.  Wouldn't want them to look bad, sir."

He smirked.  "Exactly.  Sir, we have a unit to take care of those issues.  They're in Cleveland," he said bluntly.  "They've been specially blessed to be able to do that job.  I hope their base's shrink is very good since I'm told it's like the eternal hell of being in Vietnam to hunt all the time.  No, sir, I doubt DiNozzo or Sheppard would like to be paranoid, have to kill things every day at the very least, have to roam to do so effectively, and get no pay for it.  If they were that sort, they would've become assassins."  He smirked.

"Exactly, sir.  Which is why I'm bringing it to you before you have a blow up out there and I have one here from some of my people.  Because my people deal with enough strange crap daily without demons."  He hung up when the president started to shout at his secretary to get him someone.  Landry looked over the list.  "That explains so much."  He shredded it.  Daniel would keep a copy he was sure.  It would make oversight hearings go faster.

***

Gibbs and Tony were let into the conference room they had been ordered to go to, nodding at the various people in there before they sat down.

The president looked up from his note reading.  "DiNozzo, do you think the slayers would station one here in DC?"

"No clue, sir.  I don't work with them."

"Doesn't your...cousin?"

"He fell back to backup support when the killing got to him.  He's making weapons."  He put his knife on the table.  "Blessed, very handy, and he's getting better.  It was one of his first ones."

"It's very heavy," Gibbs said.  "But handy.  Keeps a good edge.  Keeps Rosenburg from getting him again."

"Who can we talk to about getting some of that protection for the White House and Congress?" one of the secret service agents asked.

"There's a coven in Devon who're the higher sorts," Tony told him.  "They're the ones Willow got sent to when she went off the deep end in her grief and backsliding addiction."

"Devon...." the agent asked.

"England.  They worked with the old Council."  He nodded, making a note on his PDA.  They'd find one somehow.  "Since you'll have to talk to Rupert Giles about posting a slayer here, you might ask him that too," Tony said.  The agent made another note then looked at him.  "He's the head of the council."

"Good to know," the president said.  He tossed down a folder.  "That look like your complaint form, son?"

Tony looked through it then nodded, sliding it back.  "Yes it does."

"It's been solved.  She knows that you were forced.  Drugged and forced if I read right?"  Tony nodded.  "Is that an ongoing problem?"  Tony stared at him.  "I'm worried about Sheppard mostly.  He's in a sensitive area with access to higher powered weapons."

"It came down to a point of Xander having visions and being unable to shield them from him and John thanks to that incident," Gibbs told him.  "We had to send them to resolve the situation by finishing it so they could shield.  Since Sheppard was starting to show some brain changes from the visions it was thought to be the only way."

"That's fine.  I don't care if he's as gay as all of San Francisco, Gibbs.  You know that about me."  He looked at Tony.  "She has been stopped."

"Are we sure, sir?"  He tossed down his phone after getting into a new email.  "That was a few hours ago.  I sent back a polite disagreement since I was on a case in the field at the time she wanted me at that hotel."

He read it and nodded.  "I chewed her a new one since then.  About that and your family.  She has no right to poke into either situation."  He slid it back down to him.  "If she tries again, I'll be firing her.  Then you can sue her and not us," he finished smugly.

"It'd make me happy to let Xander make her cry like he did some NID agents," Tony said dryly, getting comfortable.  "May I?"

"I'd rather he stay on that coast.  From what Finn and his people's files said he seems to draw them to him?"

"For the longest time Xander drew every evil girl to him, sir, but he didn't when we made him leave the house while we were out there working things out."

"That's good to know."

"He was in to hand over those NID agents and he didn't then," Gibbs told him.

"Even better.  Like I said, I don't care.  It was explained to me that it was arranged by someone other than you three.  That you got accidentally included and that the aunts were horrified that his visions were going to destroy all three of you.  You had no choice in the matter, DiNozzo, and we don't hold that against you.  The hunting things, you're on for apocalypses?"

"The bad ones that the slayers need to call in support for.  Personal ones that Xander or John might be facing."

"Even better.  I've read you file and seen you on a few cases.  I know you're not like them.  The hunters that were talked to were harder, more practical sorts who were 'the job is a duty' and all that.  You're not that way.  I realize some of them got into it because they were hurt by demons."  Tony nodded.  "That makes sense to me.  Plenty of officers and agents ended up that way for the same sort of reason.  I don't blame you for not being that way."

"That unit?" Gibbs asked.

"Fully shut down the idea, Gibbs.  The ones who were getting pushy were warned that we knew about their deals as well.  A few are going to be retiring next year."  He gave him a smug look.  "I don't want anyone sucking down demon sperm in my government."  He looked at his agents, taking something from one of them.  He tossed it down to Tony.  "From your family's lawyer.  The judge did say that they couldn't do that.  You're family and had to be left something.  There's a hearing next week.  That's their proposal.  If you want to argue, call them."

"I could care less about them," Tony admitted.

"But money is always helpful to have," the president noted.

"Sir, Xander just inherited from his fiancee who died in the battle at Sunnydale.  She was a vengeance demon for over a thousand years."  The president shuddered.  "She lost her power center and got rehumaned as he put it.  He stood her up at the altar, she got her powers back, then lost them again because he had made her have a conscience for the first time since she had changed over.  She had been the beneficiary of a few other higher demons who died."

"So, your cousin has a good bit of cash laying around him?" the president guessed.

"Mostly it's invested.  Anya was a whiz with them.  She loved nearly nothing as much as she loved money.  The others had their own.  Plus some antiques he has no idea what to do with and a few other things.  If I'm that needy, I can ask him to lend me some.  My parents made themselves plain."

He nodded.  "That does suck but the judge said so, DiNozzo.  Can't argue with him fully."  He smirked.  "Beyond that, there's some people who want into your father's files."  He stood up.  "As of right now, you are still NCIS.  Those complaints were taken care of, and if you need to file another one make sure one of my agents is told so they can inform me.  That way I can find a new one.  Anything for the cause is one thing but you don't destroy your assets to get it."  He walked out with his agents guarding him.

Tony looked in the envelope then handed it to Gibbs.  "Don't need it.  John has plenty, I make good money, Xander has money."  He stood up.  "But I can spring for a burger, boss.  Want one on the way back to celebrate?"

"I could eat," he agreed.  Tony walked out.  He looked in the envelope, shaking his head.  He joined him at the car.  "You should tell them in case it becomes news."  He tossed the envelope back to him.  "That way they're warned."

"Xander might go protest that my parents were mean.  I don't want to make it seem like I'm pouting.  Because I'm not."  He slid in.  Gibbs got in to drive.  They headed for the nearest burger place that was on the way back to the office.  They still had paperwork to do.

***

"Family drama station, which dysfunction is your preferred sin?" Xander quipped into the phone.  "Yes I do answer my phone that way, General, because I have caller ID."  The general snickered.  He listened to what the general wanted.  "I'm not that good yet, sir.  I'm barely into my seventh month of working on things.  I have a small amulet I'm working on but I'm not that good.  Yeah, my handwriting has gotten better since then.  I guess I can.  Who needs it? Ooh."  He considered it.

"I can do that.  It'll take me a few days to finish it for him.  In return can I ship Daniel Jackson some photos and have him explain to me what I'm supposed to do with my former girlfriend's stuff?  I have no idea what to do with the antique stuff from when she was alive the first time.  No, she kept some of her hut's things for remembrance."  He smiled.  "No, she was Norse.  Thanks.  I figured he might have a clue if they were worth anything to anybody but me.

"Because I have no idea.  They're in a closet and the lawyers are getting uneasy with it being up there for some reason.  Thank you, sir.  I'll get to work on it in the morning.  I need to get a small bit of silver for it."  He hung up and went to find his shoes.  Muffin raised her head.  "Going to the jewelry store."  She put her head back down because she couldn't go there.  He walked out to his car, driving into the city to find the store he needed.  He finally got there and parked, walking inside.  "I need stuff to make a runic amulet," he said with a smile.

The worker behind the counter wasn't one he dealt with usually.  "Are you a designer, sir?"

"I am.  I do some metal work as well.  I need enough for a decent sized pendant and some light silver wire to do the design in."

"About how big?"

He considered it then took a sheet of blank paper to draw it out on.  He had to redraw it because one of the marks wouldn't fit.  "That big."

She took it into the back to find what he needed.  "Silver for the pendant or something else?"

"Something pretty that the silver runes won't show up too much on or that's a total contrast so it looks pretty.  It's for someone who's going through a pagan ritual."

She nodded, keeping her opinion to herself.  She found a few pendant blanks that might look nice against silver and a few others that could be helpful.  She brought that and the tiniest silver wire she could find out to him.

He looked at the wire.  "I can thin that later."  He looked at the pendant blanks.  Then he shook his head.  "How about a chunk of this metal," Xander said with a point.  "And the chain to go on it with the little connecting ring?"

She gave him an odd look.  "You fully make your own?"

He nodded.  "I've been working on smaller pieces.  I started out with learning how to make knives.  I love my sharp and pointy collection.  They make good presents too since so many of the family are hunters."

"I guess that would be helpful in the woods," she decided.  She went into the back to find the metal samples.  She found a few, bringing them out.  He took the biggest one.  They looked at chains and he pointed at one.  "Male or female?"

"Male."  She got the bigger version of the chain for him.  He paid and took it with him.

"How very strange," she decided.  "We didn't have those sort of strange things in LA."

***

Xander looked up as the doorbell rang.  "I'm out back," he yelled.  Daniel came around the house.  "I need about three more minutes to attach the last rune."

Daniel sat down to watch him.  It was exacting work with a very tiny soldering iron and a magnifying lens.  Finally it was done and sprayed down from a bottle that said saline solution then rinsed and wiped off.  Xander handed it back.  He smiled at it.  It wasn't delicate.  None of the runes could come up.  They were firmly anchored.  The pendant had that handmade look of pounded metal.  The chain was nice as well.  He smiled.  "That's a beautiful job.  What are the runes?"  Xander handed over his research notes so he read them over, nodding.  "Very useful as well.  Thank you, Xander."

"You're welcome," he said with a grin.  "Want the pictures?"

"What sort of artifacts did she leave?"

"She had a whole storage area full.  She moved it with her.  Right now it's been linked into the closet in the old working area by the demonic law firm she used for her will."  He got up and walked him that way, the dog following.

"Are there any special requirements to make sure the necklace works?  I know John was complaining that every time he got blood on his knife it worked better."

"It should work without anything like that but be delicate if you're cleaning it for a while to make sure none of it comes off."

"I can do that.  I can also put a cover over it?"  Xander nodded.  "That'll work best then probably."

Xander smiled.  "I can attach a metal cover, Daniel.  Not an issue.  It'll make it look more like a locket."

"No, I have a medicine bag that someone gave me back during a dig while I was wokring on my Masters.  I'll put it with that around it too."

"That might not work," Xander warned. " Medicine bags are for specific purposes."

"Good point.  I'll figure one out without making it look too girlish."

Xander smirked.  "A filagree or a cutout cover might look pretty."

"But too girlish."  Xander grinned at him.  "I know.  Half the universe thinks that I'm Jack's girlfriend anyway."

"Cordelia said so too."  He opened the door, letting him see the piles of stuff.

"Is this endless?"

"I don't think so.  If it is, I know where her shoes went whenever she was looking for them."

Daniel shook his head, getting into the stored things.  Some were artifacts.  Some were relics.  Some were simple things that were probably from her first home with her husband.  He knew some colleges would gut each other for them in a display.  Some other things were simply...odd.  And a few sex toys.  He put those aside carefully.  The rest of the things got pulled over to look at.  Some boxes were full of cobwebs and clothes.  Some had other things.  He found a few books.  One he was interested in even.  Then he got into the third to last box.  Yeah, that's why he was here.  The other two got lesser look throughs.  Mostly household stuff.  This one though.  "Xander?" he asked.  He came in from the kitchen with a glass of water for him.  "Thanks."

"I saw the cobwebs."  He sat down in the center of the piles.  "So?"

"There's some colleges that would kill for some of this stuff.  This box, can I have a deeper look?"

"Sure."  He grinned.  "I can make dinner.  Muffin seems to like you."  He pointed at where the dog was staring at the box.

Daniel looked then in the box.  "She's trained to fight demons?"

"Help track, harass."

"That's good to know."  He went back to looking through the box.  That's what she was staring at.  He put the small metal and cloth box down in front of her, watching the dog inch closer to sniff it then growl.  "What's in there?"

Xander looked.  "That's some of her special jewelry.  I know the ring I gave her was in there."  He took it to carefully open, looking inside.  There were three rings, one set of earrings, and a necklace.  He held that one up.  The dog's growls got louder.  He looked at her.  "It's all right.  It won't attack us.  You can help me if it does."  He held it by the chain, letting it swing in the breeze through the house.  He could feel something off it.  "I don't totally know why.  It almost feels like there's something embedded."

Muffin came closer to growl at it.  "I don't think she likes that," Daniel said.

"I'm not sure what it is."  He put it back, looking a the rings.  "Must've been her first husband's and whoever she wooed in the Middle Ages who was just as mean as she was."  He grinned at Daniel.  "She said that he went into vengeance too but he didn't last too long.  He was mean and nasty but got tired of his area pretty quickly when it wasn't as fun as doing it by hand."

"I know some psychopaths probably feel the same way."

"Yeah, he seemed a bit serial killery to me too."  He closed the box.  Muffin laid down to stare at it again.  "What else is in that one?"

Daniel pulled out the rest of the contents.  One thing got a heavy growl from Muffin so he handed that over.  He didn't want to deal with demons or demon things.

Xander looked the box over.  There was an obvious latch with a needle underneath it.  He used a pencil to open it and look inside was something that was making Muffin's hair stand up while she snarled.  He looked at her.  "Easy."  He used the pencil to hold up the bracelet.  "It's a power center," he realized.  "I don't know for who."  He put it back and shut the box again.  The needle retracted.  "Giles should probably get that one."  He looked up as the large, horned demon appeared.  "Hey, D'Hoffryn.  Whose was that?"  The dog was guarding them very well.  She was trying to get between them and the big, red demon.

"Halfrek's from her first job."  He stared at him.  "Don't play with those.  I won't put up with you being one of mine, Harris."

"I'm going through Anya's stored stuff she left me," he said dryly.

He looked then shrugged.  "She has more on the demon plane."  He snapped a finger, linking it to the same closet.  "Don't let Rosenburg get that either.  She'd be good but very hard to control."  He disappeared.

Xander grinned at the snarling dog and the confused anthropologist.  "Anya's former boss."

"I guess that makes sense."  He got into the new stuff.  Xander's two metal boxes got put off to the side, with the dog guarding them.  Daniel went through the boxes more carefully now.  He found a few things had money tucked inside pockets and other pieces of minor jewelry.  It looked like Anya had put complete outfits together and had boxed them up that way.

Xander though, his newest box had the more modern things.  "Damn," Xander said when he came to something.  "Shiny."

Daniel looked at the silver box that was highly polished yet looked like it had been held many times.  "Cigarette case?"

Xander opened it.  "Nope, her credit card stash."

"That would get you in trouble if you tried to use it."

"Half of them are in my name," Xander said dryly, holding up a few.  "I wondered why I got a list of passwords."

Daniel gave him a funny look.  "Did you let her do that?"

"No."  He smirked.  "That would've gotten between her and her shoe and bra shopping."

"No offense, but I hope I never date a girl like Anya was."

"I doubt there's many more of them," he sighed.  "Otherwise the aunts wouldn't have had a chance."

"Maybe," he said diplomatically.  Personally he thought Anya sounded like a money grubbing shrew at times.  He went back to looking.  "More clothes.  How many outfits did she need?"

"For over a thousand years?"

"Good point."  He smiled.  "There's a clothing museum in New York City."

"Really?"

Daniel nodded.  "You might ask them.  I don't know if they might take it or not."  Xander made a note of that.  Daniel watched as the dog batted at the pencil when it started to write on its own.  "Helpful," he said when he realized what it was writing.  Account numbers, passwords, and credit balances on the cards.

Xander looked.  "One's linked to her investment account.  She must never use that one."  He put the card case behind him and went back to looking.  "Hmm, demon weed."  Daniel stiffened.  He held out the baggie.  "Safe for people."

Daniel sniffed it then sneezed off to the side.  "Are you sure about that?"

"Yup.  She tried to get me to smoke some once."

"Xander, you're not exactly the average guy," he pointed out gently.  "Especially not with what you've been exposed to," he added at the hurt look.  Xander shrugged but Daniel would be taking that back with him.  Maybe it had other properties.

Xander opened a box and closed it just as quickly.  "Shit."  He put it beside him.  Daniel looked at him.  "Her working library as a witch."  He got a nod for that.  He kept going, finding a few other things that should be guarded by the dog.  Who was happy to help her human.

***

Xander walked into the Council building in Cleveland, looking around.  He had left just before Giles had bought this place.  "Paint, needs paint," he muttered as he walked.  The hallways were paint chipped and flaking off.  "And lead paint tested," he reminded himself.  He found the receptionist, staring at her for a moment.  "Vi, where's Giles?"

She jumped.  "What are you doing here?" she asked, looking guilty.

"I was going through Anya's stuff and found some stuff he needs to lock up away from everyone and Willow."

"Oh!"  She nodded.  "He's in his office."

"Which is...."

"Third floor.  Elevator's behind me."

He smiled.  "Relax, Vi.  I'm the same Xander I was before, only now I'm happier."

"And gay and married," she said dryly.

"Yes and they're fantastic, not evil, and only mean when they tease," he shot back, making her look horrified before she giggled, trying to hide it.  He smirked.  "My dog's bouncy too."  He walked to the elevator, finding Faith coming off.  "Escort me, beauteous one?"

She jumped, staring at him. "X?"

He held up the box.  "From Anya's stuff.  It needs to be deep sixed into a special anti-magic vault."

She looked inside the box.  "That bad?"

"Yup."  They got onto the elevator together.  "Vi looked totally guilty about something."

"She's goofing off to meet a boy."  They got off and she led him to the office, waving at a few people who started to come out.  "Tweedy, visitor," she called before opening the door.

Xander winked.  "You can come see."  She shrugged and came in, closing the door behind them.  Giles stared at him, mouth slightly open.  "Paint, Giles.  And check for lead paint too."

He cleared his throat.  "I hired a contractor but they were unsatisfyingly bad."  He took off his glasses.  "Why are you here?  Is there an emergency?"

"Anya's former stuff."

"Oh!"  He came over to look inside the box.  "How much did she have stored?"

"She had *tons* of stuff.  Nearly literally once we got the stuff from D'Hoffryn that he hadn't handed over.  He did say to keep a few things from Willow.  Like this one."  He held it up, opening the box.  Faith started to scratch.  He grinned.  "It was Halfrek's from her first vengeance job.  He said Willow would be hard to control."

Giles closed the box gently.  "I dare say she would be," he agreed.  He looked through other things.  "What's this one?" he asked, pointing at the obvious jewelry box.

"I don't know what she put into the necklace but it feels possessed.  I'm not sure if it's memories or what.  The box on the bottom is a pair of cursed daggers.  They had an auction tag.  They belonged to her second husband."  Giles gave him a strange look.  "She had one during the Dark Ages that was basically a bit psycho."

"I've met people like that," Faith admitted, coming over to look at them.  "Pretty and shiny," she said, staring at the daggers.

"Yeah but cursed to kill the owner somehow."  She wasn't touching them.  "Plus we found some old clothes, some of the stuff she had in her house when she was originally mortal."  Someone came in.  "Hey, Buffy.  Stuff from Anya."

"Wow."  She came over to look.  "Shiny."

"Cursed," Faith said quickly.

"Okay."  She didn't touch them.  "What's that?" she asked, pointing at the metal box.

"Halfrek's first power center from her first job."

Buffy opened it to look at it.  "It's nice."

"D'Hoffryn said to keep it away from Willow.  She'd be hard to control as one of his."

She looked at him. "Yeah, I'm sure he'd kill her quickly for babbling."  She shut it.  "So just a vault drop?"

"Yup."  He smiled.  "Then I'm off to take the clothing pictures to the museum in New York.  Daniel took the household stuff to a museum person he knows so they could display it.  That way others could enjoy looking at her things.  And even pay to look at them."

"She'd be pleased," Buffy admitted with a small smile.  "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay.  It's not real bad right now.  It's raining so I can't do anything on the forge but otherwise it's cool."  He grinned.  "I'm okay.  I'm liking the forge working stuff.  It's calming.  Like meditation but you're working on something that's useful at the same time."

"I can get that kinda.  I have meditative katas I do."  She looked at the other stuff.  "Very pretty."

"No, pretty was I found her credit card box."  She moaned.  "And half of them were in my name."

She giggled.  "It figures."  She gave him a hug.  "Can you stay for dinner?"

"I don't have to hit New York until tomorrow and my plane doesn't leave for a few hours," he offered.  "Then I've got a wonderful room up there that has spa stuff."  She moaned.  He grinned.  "C'mon, I can tell you how much my poochie growled at all that stuff.  She spotted it faster than Daniel did."

"The same Daniel that was helping Cordelia?  I heard from her," Faith said.

"Yup, same guy.  He kinda works with John."

"That's cool," Faith decided.  "Is he good?"

Xander smiled.  "I never had Daniel but John's fantastic and ticklish."  She laughed, batting him on the arm.  He smiled at Buffy, who was giving him a strange look again.  "And he's good in other things."

"I'm glad."

"Tony's a great cook."

"Even better.  Can you cook at all?"

"I'm not wonderful but I can feed myself and follow basic recipes."  He smiled at Giles.  "Want to hit dinner with us?"

"Let me store these safely away.  Willow's away right now."

"I heard."  Giles nodded once.  "Tony told me she stopped in to apologize to him for spreading that news for him."

"That was good of her," Giles said.  He put the box into his personal safe and grabbed what he'd need for a night out at dinner.

"Want hellmouth adjacent or non-adjacent?" Buffy asked, taking his arm.  Xander grabbed Faith too, making Buffy happy.

"Non adjacent if possible.  Just so Tony quits worrying."

"I thought the aunts gave up for a bit," Giles said, staring the younger man down.

"It had to be completed so my Cordelia-like visions wouldn't rip their brains apart too," Xander said dryly.  "Whole long story there that I'm not allowed to tell on orders of Cordy."

"Is she speaking for the Powers?" Buffy teased.

"No, she now is apparently one of the Powers."  Buffy and Faith both gave him horrified looks.  "Let's just say that the bonding was one of their brilliant plans."  Both slayers shuddered.  So did Giles.  "But it's fixed now."

"Cordy being in charge is fixed?" Buffy asked.

"Hey!" a disembodied voice called.  "I'm very good in charge, thank you!"

Faith looked up.  "If you say so," she said dryly.  She looked at Xander.  "Hanging around with her again?"

"Nope."

"Xander, do *not* go near the hellmouth," Cordelia's voice called.  "I don't want to watch it try to cuddle you like you do your dog.  There's a reason Tony's worried after doing research."  The voice and feeling of heaviness went away.

"So I'm thinking way non-adjacent," Faith decided.  Buffy nodded quickly.  "The pub?"

"Way too close.  It's only ten blocks."

"There's a charming shop I like to eat at by the college," Giles said.  "I'll drive you all there."  He walked them down, taking Xander's rental keys from him.  "So you don't get lost accidentally."  He got in and was attacked by a tongue.  "Oh, dear lord," he said, jumping back out.  The dog followed, letting him see her.

"Muffin," Xander sighed, petting her.  "Did you get lonely in the ten minutes?"  She barked and sniffed the women, nuzzling Faith's leg.

"Hey, poochie," she said, petting her.  "Buffy, this is Muffin the wonder-mutt."

"She's a lab," Xander reminded her with a grin.  "Trained to hunt demons."

"That could help you, yeah," Buffy decided.

"She guarded some of the stuff in that box very well," Xander assured her.  He climbed into the back with Faith.  Buffy and Giles took the front.  The dog licked Giles again, getting a small smile back.  "She's very friendly," Xander told him.  "As long as you're nice.  Buffy, if you squat down around her, she might knock you over.  She's still doing it to one of John's coworkers."

"That's cool.  As long as she doesn't hump my leg."

"She hasn't done mine yet," he said blandly, cracking Faith up.  His phone rang.  "What's up?" he answered then smiled.  "Cleveland dropping off some stuff Anya left me.  Sure.  We're going to dinner.  Um...."

"Medici's," Giles said.

"Medici's.  Then I'm flying to New York later so I can spoil myself rotten and hit the clothing museum tomorrow.  Then home, yup.  Why?  Well, I could stop in on Tony."  He smirked.  "If you want.  I'll meet you there tomorrow afternoon then.  Laters."  He hung up.  "John," he explained at the curious looks the girls were giving him.

"That's a hell of a flight," Faith said.

"Not his way."  He grinned.  She pinched him on the arm.  The dog barked at her.  "I know, but she's not usually mean to me.  You can convince her to be a good puppy too."  Muffin shifted over to lick Faith until she gave in and petted her.

Faith tried to get away.  "No more tongue abuse!" she said, petting the dog's ears.  That settled her down.  "I'll be a good bitch."  Buffy was snickering.  "You should get her later," Faith told the dog.

"I popped in for all of two minutes to pick up something from his library.  She bowled me over and sat on my stomach, staring at my hair," Buffy told her.  "I had no idea what her name was.  Xander only pulled her off me."  She let the dog sniff her hair, ignoring the licking she was doing of it.  "I smell good," she told her finally.  The dog huffed.

"I guess she thinks you need a puppy bath, B," Faith teased.  "Must not smell like a bitch tonight."

"That's because I had a date last night," Buffy said smugly.

Xander snorted.  "She doesn't do it to me when I have one.  Maybe it's your shampoo that smells like another dog?"

"Could be.  I'm using something herbal one of the witches found."  She shrugged. "It helps with the goo problem."  She reached back to pet the dog, getting licked again then the dog settled down in her daddy's lap.  "Will the hotel let you in with the dog?"

"Yup.  It's pet friendly and they have a doggy spa too."

"Wow.  I need a slayer spa then.  Giles...."

"No."

"Come on, it'd help after bad fights."

"That was the argument you gave me when I put in a hot tub in the training area.  Put bubbles or something in it.  I'm sure the younger girls would like that."

"Some of the minis would hijack it on her," Faith said.  "Especially if she put in her strawberry bubble bath."

"I wondered why my bottle kept disappearing," Buffy said dryly.

"The ones the sperm suckers want."

"Are they gay?" Xander asked.

"No, they're demons who want to suck the male DNA half of our cells out," Buffy told him. "Well, some of them's.  Not mine or Faith's but a few of the minis have that problem."

"They can come to Cali and find a whole lot from the source," he offered.

"Virgins are harder to come by," Faith teased.  "They wanted virginal ones."

"Well, there's always high schools.  I guess."

"No siccing sperm sucking demons on high schools," Buffy ordered.

"Most high school guys would love it," Faith told her.  "Especially the geek patrol that can't get laid."

Buffy nodded.  "True but they might hurt them.  We'd have to stop them."

"Good point."  She looked at Xander.  "I might point them at a gay club, that way they can do all the sucking they want from the source."

"Faith!" Giles complained.

"What?" she shot back with an evil grin.

"The last time I gave that sort of grin, Dean tried to do an exorcism," Xander said innocently.

Faith cackled, nodding.  "He was reaching for holy water to do one on one of the minis the last time he was here too."  She gave him an arm nudge.  Muffin took that as a hint that she wanted more puppy kisses.  Faith fought off the tongue of doom by petting her again.  It made his puppy happy.  "They been there recently?"

"The weekend we had to finish the bond.  They wanted in the library."

"That's good.  They're happier now I think."

"I think it's less vengeance and more 'someone's gotta do it'," Xander admitted.  "But yeah, they do seem happier."

She smirked at him.  "How is being married?"

"Wonderful but they don't live with me.  Though I'm not sure I could handle having them there all the time.  I got kinda frustrated when they were always there and doing things and thinking loudly and stuff.  The cuddling was nice though."  Her smirk got more evil.  "The sex too," he agreed, smirking back.

"Good to hear.  A marriage without sex has gotta suck, boytoy."

Xander nodded.  "It probably does.  But I only get them when they're around."

"Pity.  You looked relaxed."  She looked him over.  "G, are we near the hellmouth?"

"No, Faith.  We're heading parallel to the hellmouth but about eight blocks away.  Why?"

"Because X is glowing."  Giles pulled over suddenly.

***

Tony looked up as the ranting in his mind started up again.  He winced.  John wasn't happy at Rodney for something.  Again.  "Those two need to walk away," he muttered, sending that text to John's phone.  He got back a mental shove so he shoved back.  John's mind shut up.  It was nice, he could think now.

"Which one was it this time?" McGee teased.

"John's yelling at McKay again.  Something about lightbulbs and thermal energy and zapping him."  He looked over with a wry look.  "They get into some of the strangest crap."

"I think that's their unit's definition."

"Could be," Tony agreed.  Gibbs looked over from his desk.  "It might be, boss."

"It could be.  Where's Harris?"

"Cleveland handing over some of Anya's former stuff to be put into a vault."

"Good.  His dog?"

"With him."  Gibbs shook his head.  John sent back something.  He sent back a mental shrug and the fact that he was on what was probably an overnight case but he could show up if he wanted.  He got back to work, blatantly not thinking about the hot sex that would be waiting when he finally got home.   He managed to get three of the backgrounds done before someone gasped.  He looked at Ziva.  She had been on a lunch run.  "What?" he demanded.

"You're glowing like you've been in a reactor."

He looked at himself.  "I am?"

Gibbs nodded.  "You are."

"Hmm."  He checked.  John was complaining about glowing and no, one of the scientists hadn't done it by the ranting he was getting back.  He checked on Xander, who was tired for some reason.  "It's Xander's fault."  They all relaxed.  "I don't know why.  He's kinda tired too.  I'm hoping the dog will protect him if the slayers can't."

McGee shuddered.  "Why is he glowing?"

"They were about ten, twelve blocks from the hellmouth, heading away from it....."  He checked.  Xander was still tired but now he was feeling drawn.  "Aww, it wants a cuddle."  He reinforced Xander's shields for him.  That helped.  Whoever was driving got them away from there.  "Ah, better."  He felt more normal now.  Apparently he wasn't glowing anymore because the horrified stares he was getting eased up some.  He grinned at his teammates.  "Xander was born and bred on the old hellmouth, guys.  The new one wanted a human teddy that knew what it was.  The only other hellmouth baby is kept in the slayer building since it's warded, he's a bit shy, and needs the work to keep himself sane at the moment."

"There's no other people in Cleveland that might've been born there?" McGee asked.

"If the hellmouth is like radiation, they probably sucked up more of it," Ziva said, looking at Tony.  "That means he's got some stored probably as well."  Tony nodded.  "That could hurt him."

"No, he uses it when he has to pull emergencies up."  He wouldn't mention nearly destroying the astral plane.  It was probably not a good thing to tell his teammates.  "Beyond that, those who carry more of the taint are usually attacked first.  Vampires, which was the major problem out there, could feel the extra power.  Special blood tastes  better than regular blood."  Gibbs shuddered.  "With Xander's gift for possessions sticking, the family, and things, we were all shocked he lived that long."

"Huh?" Ziva asked.

"There's a hitlist among the community for those that take them out, Ziva.  They're not going to lay down and die.  The same as the underworld of crime has one of really effective officers and agents."  She slumped.  "Yeah, if they know us, they can come for us.  That's why the slayers were supposed to be a huge secret through the ages, so no one knew their names."

"How high on this list are you?" she asked.

"Fairly bottom of it.  I'm backup for apocalypses.  If I was out hunting like some of the family I'd be moving up depending on how good I was, what I had taken out, and what sort of other skills I had.  Then again, Xander's near the top.  He's a seer and the underworld hates seers.  They can get information to the people who can stop their issues faster.  No waiting to figure it out.  No sudden apocalypses.  Seers see it first and warn."

"So, taking out the early warning system means that they'd have a better chance of success," Ziva said.  Tony nodded.  "You're insane to tie yourself to him."

"He didn't have that choice," Gibbs said firmly.  "Someone decided that for him."  She slumped at that.  "He'll do what he has to do to keep himself safe.  Technically, being here keeps him safer.  There's some who've taken deals in town but not a lot of true demons."

Tony nodded.  "They're disgusted by those who took deals," Tony told her.  "Plus a lot of new security protocols are going up to keep them out.  We did have to have a talk with the agents working with the Devon Coven about the harmless demons who just exist.  They made intent clauses that might hopefully keep out humans with ill intent too."

"That would be handy," Gibbs agreed.  "How certain are they?"  Tony shrugged.  "We'll have to wait to see then.  If so, I might see about getting one to put some around the building."  He looked at Tony.  "Is he all right?"

"Yeah, he's having dinner with Buffy, Faith, and Giles.  Plus the dog's with them.  They figured out what it was and got him further away from there.  Oh, and he said John might be coming out for a visit."

"That's fine.  Try to keep the problems down."

Tony smirked.  "We didn't have a single one when Xander was out here last time, boss."

"True, we didn't.  He wasn't as bouncy or hyper then."

"Good point."  He went back to work, soothing Xander.  Buffy had said something about the hellmouth liking him too much.  Sometimes friends were overrated when they hurt you.

***

Tony finally got home and found John in the kitchen.  "Thank god, I'd hate to eat you," he moaned, walking in and getting a plate full of food.

"I'd hate to be bitten too," he teased back.  "Why did you go that late?"

"If Gibbs is there, we're expected to be there."

"That's insane.  It's not like it's an emergency situation.  You can't take four hours to sleep?"

"At our desks," Tony said dryly.  He inhaled his food with a moan.  "Thank you for warming it up."  He ate another large bite.  Tony got sat at the table and some milk handed to him.  "Blessed," he said between bites, taking a gulp of milk with it.

John shook his head, adding more to his plate.  "Xander will be here soon."

"Where is he?"

"Flying.  He's about at the airport.  He was trying to nap through the landing greeting when the stewardess woke him up."  Tony snorted.  "So soon."  He sat down with his own food.  "I left a little bit for him since he ate hot dogs all afternoon."

"Did the museum like it?"

"Yup, a lot of it.  They were amazed some had held up so well but Xander said the whole family had packed it away in a secure bunker-like area so it was pretty airproof.  They liked that and agreed to take most of it to show."

"Wonderful."  He inhaled another bite.  "Any other good news?"

"He found a few cameos and things with the outfits.  Some money in pockets.  Some ancient money that got taken to a few museums.  He doesn't have anywhere to show them at home so he's not worried about it."

"Even better.  Probably less on insurance too."

"I don't think he's got insurance on it."  He shrugged.  "Nothing was really priceless.  Just reminders of her past life."

"I guess."  He finished his plate and stole John's to eat.  "Sorry, no breakfast."

"It's nearly eight at night," John noted.

Tony looked at him.  "I know."  He went back to inhaling food with his milk.

John got up to hand him the rest of it and cook something else.  When Xander finally got there he was tired, so was the dog.  They let him in and collapsed on the couch with him.  Xander sniffed both of them before stretching across their laps for a cuddle. "Tired?"

"Yup.  Noisy flight."

Muffin looked at the taken laps then decided to hop up on the daddy.  It was nearly as comfortable on his hip and both the other daddies could pet her.  They all smiled at her, petting her until she fell asleep.

Tony petted Xander's hair listening to him snore.  "I think we all had a long day."

"Yeah, we did," John agreed with a smile.  "Bed?"

"Bed," Tony said, nodding quickly.  Muffin groaned but hopped down.  Tony shifted Xander off him.  John carried him in to strip him.  Tony got his own after checking all the doors and windows.  Muffin decided to join them and curled up against John's back since Xander was cuddling him.  "Sure, you do that, Muffin."  He laid down behind Xander's back.  He was glad he had a king sized bed.  It was comfortable with the three of them in there.  He fell asleep very comfortable.  A bit warm since John had on a blanket, but that was fine.

***

Tony walked in the next morning.  "This is, still, my row.  There's Gibbs, Abby, McGeek, and Ziva.  I don't think you met her last time you were in."

Xander waved.  "Nice to meet you."  He smiled at Abby, handing her something.  "It was your idea so you get the first really pretty thing."  He smiled at Tony.  "So you're okay out here?  They're not bothering you?"

"No, someone higher up stepped in to stop that.  There was some mutterings about not wanting O'Neill to show up on their doorstep to thump them again too."  He smirked at his younger husband.  He was such a smartass at times.  Abby squeaked, looking at her new pendant.  He looked at it.  "Very nice work, Xander.  Much better than your first one."

"Thank you."  He grinned.  "There's three intertwined runes.  Two to protect you from magic that has ill intent and one to let you feel an awareness if something magical or mystical comes near you."  He looked at her.  "That way you can protect yourself if something happens."

She gave him a hug.  "I love it, Xander.  Thank you."  She kissed him on the cheek and bounced off to her lab to put it on her necklace.

Xander grinned at Gibbs.  "I didn't even bring NID weenies this time."

"I'm proud.  Did they finally give up?"

"The one that apologized muttered something about not wanting to mess with Sam Carter again after she had destroyed someone's son and she was going to do it again if they came near any of us."

"That's a good reason.  A smart, science enhanced, capable warrior like she is should be scary if you're doing stupid things," Tony agreed.  "I'll have to send her a thank you card."  He sat down at his desk.  "Boss, Xander's flying back tonight.  Do I have anything ultimately important beyond paperwork?  If not, can I go make breakfast for him and John?  He's got to leave about noon."

"Go."  They fled, making him smile. "Goofballs," he muttered.

"That young one seems very...lively," Ziva said.

"You wouldn't know he's been fighting since he was sixteen," McGee agreed.  She gasped.  He nodded.  "He's not formally trained but he's the 'get it done' sort."

Gibbs nodded, sipping his coffee.  "He is."  He saw the director pause at the end of his row.  "I gave him today off.  He's got company in and we didn't make it home for 36."  She walked off.  He looked at Ziva.  Who shrugged.  McGee shook his head.  Neither of them knew what was going on in her head this time.

***

Xander heard the doorbell and went out to answer it.  He was down to his briefs, or man panties as John teased, but he didn't really care.  Not like he was used to company manners anymore.  If they liked Tony they'd come back.   "Yes?" he asked the woman on the other side of the door.  She gave him a horrified look.  He smirked mentally.  "I'm Tony's housekeeper and general maintenance person.  Is there something I can help you with, ma'am?"  A deliberate slight to her age.  She winced at it too.  "Well?" he asked when she didn't say anything.

"Is Agent DiNozzo here?"

"No, Tony's being fabulous and getting dinner supplies so I can cook for him before I go home.  That's what good housekeepers do you know."

"Mine doesn't answer the door in her underwear."

He shrugged.  "It's fun while he's gone.  Yes?"  He looked at the dog, who came to sniff her.  "That's Muffin.  She's my wonderful assistant.  Almost better than a vacuum."

"I'm...I'm sure she is," she said, giving him the funniest look.  He almost wished he had a camera.  "When will Agent DiNozzo be back?"

"Any time now.  I'm waiting for my swatting for not getting the laundry folded correctly."  She shuddered.  "His husbands would be very upset."

"I'm sure they would if they could see you."

"John saw me and was much amused."  Tony came off the elevator, giving him the same strange look.  "I told this nice lady you're a very understanding boss to this poor, pitiful housekeeper that hates his clothes."

"I am.  I'm also very glad I don't have security cameras outside my door.  Director, did you need something?" he asked, handing Xander the bag.  Muffin sniffed it and growled.  He looked at her.  "Nothing's demonic."  Xander looked and held up something.  "That is?"

"Yup.  It's a harmless plant demon species from what I understand."  He walked off wiggling his butt.  The director was staring anyway.

"I'm sorry.  He's being playful today."

"He said he's waiting on his spanking."

"I'm sure he is," he agreed dryly.  "He does it to fluster people, Director.  Was there anything else?"

"Your spouses were in?  I wanted to talk to them."

"No, they've went home."

"Oh.  I see.  When are you coming back?"

"Tomorrow.  My loveable housekeeper will no doubt make me a wonderful dinner and then I'll actually get to sleep tonight so I'll be in first thing as usual.  Why, is there a problem?"

"No."  She walked off rubbing her forehead.  She paused at the elevator.  "Do they know about him?"

"Yup.  Xander approves very highly because he makes me lighten up when he's not around.  Plus, they know he's taken so he's safe."

"That's good to know."  She got onto the elevator and went down to her car.  She had the driver stop at a pharmacy on the way back to her office.  She clearly wasn't going to catch DiNozzo in the act so she got around don't ask, don't tell.

Tony walked in and shut the door.  "Was that intentional?"

"I forgot what I was wearing."

Tony spanked him once.  "Lying," he said with a smirk.

"Okay, I saw her and decided I didn't care."  He took a kiss with a grin.  "You actually eat the evil demon 'shroom tofu?"

"It's from beans, not a mushroom."

"Still bad."

"Yay.  It's for something for Abby."

"I'm sorry she eats it.  Can you convince her not to?"

"No clue."  He walked Xander in there to cook with him.  He was doing good refining Xander's cooking skills.  He was up to complicated casseroles.  Afterward, Xander got in a good, long pounce and it was nice.  He left, fully dressed again thankfully, and headed home.  Tony stretched out on his couch with a plate, getting comfortable.  Yeah, it had been a good visit.  Even if he was too sore to sit again.  And he hadn't bottomed this time.  They had to get Xander to be less energetic sometimes.

He ate a bite and hummed, enjoying the dinner.  John was at the airport at home finally and he commiserated.  Xander had made him sore before he had left.  Pity about the all day flight across the US on that sore butt.  Tony ate another bite and moaned softly.  Yeah, the good cheese.  He took a sip of his wine.  Then he heard someone moving around outside his apartment.  He got up, opening the door to shock Ziva.  "I'm eating dinner.  What do you want?"

"Are you all right?"

"You're interrupting me being a glutton."  He took another bite and let out a soft moan.

"So the husband are gone?" she asked dryly.

He nodded.  "Have been for a while.  Why?"

"The director wanted to meet them."

"No, she wanted to catch me in the middle of the act so she could get around the injunction the president put down.  You can tell her we don't even tape things and she's out of luck."  He closed the door, going back to his dinner.

Ziva went back to the office, reporting to the director.  "His husbands are both gone.  Apparently his dinner is very good, he's moaning about it."

"Are you sure he wasn't with them?" she asked.

"He was fully clothed, ate some in front of me and moaned, and he clearly was tired with how sweaty his hair was looking."  She stared at her.  "He knew why you showed up as well."  She walked off to report to Gibbs.  She didn't like this game.  She didn't care where Tony stuck it.  Most of the time.  Unless something from it came back to hurt her or her assignment.  Though, she now knew why Tony was so jolly some mornings.  Two husbands should do that to a person.  Gibbs looked up at her when she approached his desk.  "She didn't manage to catch Tony in the middle of something she could be upset about."

Gibbs snorted.  "Tony told me about the 'housekeeper' she saw since that was Xander in his underwear while cooking, Ziva.  Why is she trying?"

"Because it furthers her goals," she reminded him then left for the night.

Gibbs thought about that.  He had no idea what she was doing now.  That was a bit worrisome.

***

Abby bounced up to Tony's desk the next day, giving him a hug.  "I love your globetrotting husbands."  She bounced off.

Tony grinned.  "I'll let them know that."  He smirked at Ziva.  "What?"

"You look well rested."

"Well, yeah, they're both back on the west coast."  She looked confused.  "Xander lives by San Francisco.  John lives in San Francisco, kind of."

"You're married and live on separate coasts?"  He nodded.  "Why?"

"Because the director hasn't pissed me off enough yet," he said bluntly.  She looked away.  "If so, I might end up working in San Francisco myself.  They have some nice federal offices there and some wonderful restaurants."

"And clubs and concerts and art galleries," McGee quipped.  "And gay pride parades."

"Not my style, Probie, but Xander went this year.  He hadn't been before."  He smiled at him.  "Two of the queens kissed him during it.  It even got caught in the paper.  John said his teammates were highly amused and showed it to him."

"Work, don't gossip," Gibbs ordered.

"Why don't you transfer closer?" Ziva asked him.

"Because we're all where we want to be," he said simply, staring at her.  "For now, I want to be here.  If I don't want to be here forever, I'll be looking closer to them."

"That means you hardly ever see them."

"Yes it does but I do talk to them all the time."

"That can't make for a happy marriage," she told him.  "There has to be contact as well as communication."

"Ziva, married guys in the military go overseas and leave their spouses and families behind all the time," Tony said.  "They barely get to talk to them.  I stay in a lot of contact with John and Xander.  We talk every day.  The guys overseas in war zones are lucky if they get one hour a week to talk to their families."  She shuddered.  "I can do without the holding, the cuddling, and them being constantly underfoot for the time being because we're where we want to be.  For that matter, I could offer to go to John's workplace as the NCIS liaison.  That would leave Xander up the coast by about an hour."  She gaped.  He smirked.  "He's a pilot."

"Oh.  Navy?"

"No comment."

"Fine.  I agree you probably shouldn't share those details unless they're necessary."

"We do have their numbers in case you end up wounded again?" Gibbs asked him.

"I have them.  They're in my phone and my personal phone book.  They'll probably know before you do, boss."

"I forgot about that," he admitted.  "You don't like having the bouncy one around?"

"I don't mind it.  We've been working on our friendship.  Those two were better friends before."  He shrugged.  "Sometimes having someone *there* all the time gets annoying after you've lived alone for so long.  I'm sure you went through that with the marriages."

"It's a hard adjustment," he agreed.  "Getting used to their rituals and little ways of doing things and organizing areas."

"Xander's kata and stretching habit in the break between the living and dining room.  The constant hammering from him working on his forge.  John fussing around because neither of us really imported things for us to do yet."

"No movies?" Ziva asked.

"He has some but we have different tastes.  Xander likes sci-fi and stuff.  I like mysteries, noir, some horror sometimes."  He smirked.  "I'll slowly move things out there.  John will move his home gym out there in the spare room.  He'll put in more fun reading books than the research books.  Though I still have no idea how Xander managed to find a high fantasy with elves story in a demon language.  Made us all giggle because they decided elves' ears were like tentacles.  It was cute," he said at Gibbs' dirty look.

"Your younger one needs a firmer hand."

"He's not playing kitten poker, boss.  We're all happy about that.  John managed to win a hand when he found a game and had to turn over the kitten before he brought it back to base."

"That doesn't really surprise me about him."  He heard the elevator discharge someone and looked over as someone stomped over to Tony.  "He not make it back?"

"He made it back but there's a new plan," Jack O'Neill said, staring at Tony.  "It's not going to make you happy."

"I can shoot," he said dryly.  "Very well."

"I'll loan you something so I don't have to go yell at people who would cry on me."  He handed over a diskette.  "Someone told Daniel that and he verified some things, went to Landry, who went to have a migraine and warn Sheppard but he was busy with an alligator in the infirmary."

"Eww."  He ran the disk, staring at the information.  "Oh, damn."

"Exactly."

"I'll quit and move with Xander," he said bluntly.  "You can tell them I said that and that Xander will protect us by blowing them all up.  Remind them he spent nearly a year in Africa dealing with issues that were hurting the tribes he was working with."

"Did you get a notice about his birthday present?"

"He didn't mention a birthday present," he said dryly, leaning back.  "What was it?"  He realized Xander hadn't said a word about his birthday being close; he'd have to do something to make sure he knew to nag them for presents.

"Apparently Anya ordered it for him."  He held out the folded over and stapled invoice.  "He asked Daniel if it was truly a bad idea.  He didn't want you to have to scowl at him."  He smirked.  "Maybe the kid is a later prototype off my original."  He left, shaking his head.  "Be very careful.  There's stupid people trying to think higher thoughts, DiNozzo."

"That's why I have a Xander," he called, waving at him.  He opened the invoice and burst out laughing.  "Oh, no wonder he didn't want to tell me!"

Gibbs looked at him.  "What was it?" he asked calmly.  That level of mirth, it was bad.  "DiNozzo?" he asked when he kept giggling.  He got up and came over to get the information disk and the invoice.  He read it and dropped the disk.  "No.  He can't keep that."

"I'll talk to him, boss."  He took it back.  "Anya ordered it for him."

"I'm sure he was appreciative."  He walked back shaking his head with a small moan.  "How did she find those things?"

"She used to be a vengeance demon.  Maybe she ran into them in a work capacity, boss."  He smirked.  "I'll talk him into letting John keep it.  That way it's safely on a base but nearby in case of an apocalypse."

"That'll work.  Make sure it goes today."

"Fine."  He walked off, heading to the bathroom to connect with Xander.  He told him he had heard about the birthday present from O'Neill.  Xander groaned back.  He leered and Xander swatted him.  He said it was a nice present, and a useful one, that Anya clearly had good taste in weapons for him but since it was so well known he'd have to send it to John to protect before someone military showed up wanting to own it for him.  Xander groaned but agreed.  John woke up enough to ask what they were talking about.  Tony told him to meet Xander in town with a way to get something heavy back to his base by the time he got there.  Then he disconnected and walked off, still smiling. "John's agreed to take custody of it."

"Even better.  Hopefully he won't need it either."  He held up the disk.  "If you have to run, give me as much warning as you can."  He gave a pointed look upstairs.  Tony shrugged.  "Ziva, is this her current issue?" he asked, letting her have the disk.

She read it over, shaking her head slowly.  "No.  It's not.  She would stomp them like roaches."  She handed it back to Tony.  "Perhaps someone should realize that?"

"I'm sending it to Cleveland," he decided, sitting down to find an old email from Willow.  He found one and sent it to her.  It bounced.  He smirked and found her facebook account, emailing it to that account and leaving a message saying she needed to check that for information.  She replied a minute later with a scream of rage according to what she typed.  She said she'd handle it and they would NOT be coming near him again.  Then she signed out.  He logged off too.  "Sent it to Rosenburg, boss."

"Why?" he asked a bit too calmly.

"Because I'm not sure anyone in Cleveland uses a computer.  I know Rupert Giles' hates them.  Buffy let Willow do most of her computer stuff before.  So I went with a source who could proclaim it far and wide and get it stopped that way.  She was ranting and babbling at the same time."  Gibbs shuddered.

"She's got that redhead temper," McGee said.  Abby came up.  "Abby, there's a new plot to get Tony."

"Really?" she asked.  She moved him out of the way so she could run the disk, reading the two files on it.  She grimaced and nodded, sending it to someone.  "Let's see what they do to stop the underground.  I'll be darned."  She stood up and kissed Tony on the temple.  "You don't look happy."

"Xander got a heavy weapon for his birthday.  Anya ordered it before she died."

"Ooooh.  Is he in trouble?"

"He's handing it to John."

She smirked.  "Hopefully he won't need it."  She looked at Gibbs.  "I'm officially out of work again.  Can't you guys go find me a case with interesting samples?"

"Sorry.  I can't make up cases, Abby."

"Shoot."  Tony gave her a pat on the arm.  She smirked at him.  "Going out there?"

"If I have to, I'll go join his project as the NCIS liaison."  She gave him a mean smirk.  He smirked back.

"You have some very wicked and evil plans, Tony DiNozzo.  You also have a letter at the desk that they said you've been avoiding."

"From the lawyers.  I don't care.  I made that plain.  They're annoying me."

"Now the guards are annoying me."  She pulled it out of her waistband, handing it over.  "Suck it up like a man, Tony.  Before I have to tell Xander you need cuddles."

"I'm keeping him out of this one.  He'll complain about what they did."

"So do I."  She smiled and walked off again.

Tony groaned but opened the letter.  "That's not a good thing.  Hey, boss, the judge invalidated most of the will as being illegal."

"I thought they did that before."

"The settlements too.  It seems my mother left money to two non-existent charities that have been closed for years.  Oh, damn," he muttered.  They had included the new proposed settlement.  The judge had liked this one according to the cover letter.  "Crap."  He signed it and found an envelope and stamp to send it back.  Then decided to fax it.  He hated this stuff.  Gibbs gave him a pointed look.  "The new settlement is worse than the last one.  There's no way I'm going to be happy."  He finished sending it then shredded the originals.  He sat down again to sulk to his report writing.  He felt the virtual hug Xander gave him and one from John with a wave of sleepiness.  He smiled and hugged Xander back, getting back to work.  He did cheer you up.

***

John walked out of the cargo door, staring at his younger husband as he came around the partition to protect the puddle jumper from being seen by normals.  "What's up?"

"Anya preordered me a wonderful birthday present."

"Why is this worrying?"

"It's from one of the assholes I had to scare in Africa."

"I thought they were weapons people and a few drug dealers."

"They were."

"Is it drugs?"

"No.  But you'll need the weight limits."  John stared at him.  He grinned and took a kiss.  "You get custody of it until we need it."

"Uh-huh."  He walked behind the screen to the waiting area.  Where he stopped and stared at the box.  "Aren't those usually on jets?"

"No, this is the baby version that can be mounted on a jeep or braced by two strong guys."  He smirked.  "It can destroy a jet."

"Obviously," he decided.  He gave Xander a hug.  "It's a good present."

"I know, I love it.  I spent last night petting the poor baby.  Will you take care of her for me?"

"Yeah, I can do that."  He realized his comm was on and turned it off.  "Help me load it?"

"Sure."  He picked up one end, John got the other, and they carried it into the jumper.  He took another kiss. "Be safe.  Don't wrestle the alligators.  I'll have to get mean and fuss if you're injured."  He left, strolling back to his car.

John closed the bay door, shaking his head all the way to the pilot's seat.  When he got back to Atlantis, Woolsey was waiting on him.  "What?"

"He's giving you his dog?"

"No, he's giving me the birthday present his dead fiancee ordered before she died.  That way he doesn't get into trouble with agents like Tony."  He whistled, bringing two of the marines.  "Take the case to my room.  It's Xander's birthday present and he can't have it on the mainland."  They walked in and he got out of the way.  Woolsey's mouth flopped open when he saw the case.  John nodded.  "He petted it all night.  He loves his weapons.  He said it even came from one he met in Africa."  He followed the case, going to find a spot for it in his quarters.

Woolsey knocked and got let in a few minutes later.  "How did his former fiancee find that?"

"She was a vengeance demon so it's possible he screwed up in her area.  Or maybe she went looking online.  She was over eleven hundred when she died.  She thought it'd be a kick-ass birthday present and she was right.  He loved it but someone narked to Tony."

"That's probably a good thing.  It can go to the armory.  I'm sure our arms master might like it."

"Xander said I had custody until we needed to use the new family pet.  He might not like other people petting it."

"He's very strange, isn't he?"

"No, but he is a weapons nut.  That possession by a PFC gave him a lot of weapons knowledge and he's always liked them."

"Do you let him play with yours?  I mean your SGC ones," he said, realizing what he had said.

"He hasn't asked.  If he does, I'll ask for permission."

"Fine.  Is he any good with weapons?"

"Yup."

"I don't need to know," he decided, walking off rubbing his forehead.  That trio made his head hurt too often.

John smirked, covering the case with a spare sheet so it looked like a seat or a table.  Ronon came in and gave him a pointed look.  "What?"

"You went to the mainland?"

"Xander's birthday present got delivered and he couldn't keep it."

"Another dog?"  John pointed so he uncovered it, staring at the case.  He opened it and nearly drooled.  "That is not a dog."

"No but it's his newest baby."

"I can see why."  He shut the case and recovered it, standing up again.  "He can't own that?"

"It's illegal for civilians to own those.  Someone told Tony.  Tony made him let me keep it for him."

"That's probably a good idea."  He walked off shaking his head.  Xander was a bit strange but fairly fun most of the time.

John tossed a few extra throw pillows he had picked up during his...honeymoon onto the case for extra seating.  The case wouldn't break.  It was meant to be abused and keep up.  He had another thought, laying down and talking to Xander.  //Xander?// he sent.

//Yes, oh great flying one?//

//How many other weapons do you have?//

They both heard Tony choking.  //We didn't have anything too huge in Sunnydale.  No room to store it.  The time we needed the grenade launcher we...borrowed one.  Why?//

//I'm wondering if there's other family pets lying around.//

//Maybe in Cleveland?// Xander sent back with a grin and a hug.  //It's fine.//

//It's not fine,// Tony sent.  //Neither of us want to visit you in prison.//

//I know some demons had some bigger weapons but really I don't have anything larger than a few automatic weapons and one slightly bigger thing but still mostly legal.//

//One of us will be seeing those,// Tony ordered.  //As soon as humanly possible.//

Xander sighed.  //Do I need to go scavenge in Sunnydale too, guys?//

//YES!// both Tony and John sent.

//Let me warn the crew in Cleveland.  I'll go next weekend.  It's about time I faced that anyway.//  His mental touch disappeared.

John and Tony held a virtual staring moment.  //I'll do it,// Tony said.  //The boss said you could have them but I'll go sort since I'm more aware of current gun laws than you are.//

//Thanks, Tony.  Sometimes he worries me.  I don't want him in trouble.//

//Neither do I but that's clearly a Warped By Sunnydale thing.//  Tony's mental touch disappeared.

John relaxed himself then went to do what he needed to do in the office.  At least Xander picked useable family pets.  Not like it was fish or something.

***

Tony looked over at Gibbs, who was staring at him.  "Family pets."

"The dog?" he guessed.

"Like his present."

Gibbs moaned.  "You're going."

"Yes I am.  And next weekend he's going to see if he can find the stashes that may still be around in Sunnydale."  Gibbs shuddered.  "So he'll hand those to John too."

"That'll work," he agreed.  "How many does he have?"

"He said they're all at least semi-legal."

"Uh-huh," Gibbs said dryly.  "Fix that shit."

"We're off this weekend, right?"

"Yes we are."

"I'll be there."

"Take part of Friday too so you don't have to sleep all day Saturday, DiNozzo."

"Sure, boss."  He grinned.  "John loves the new present.  It's in his quarters as a new seating area."

"I'm not surprised someone could sit on one of those."  He shook his head to clear it.  "Work, DiNozzo."

"Yes, boss.  Have I mentioned that they all seem to have similar claims from the same garage for auto repairs?"  He shook his head, taking that lead to run down while Tony looked for other similarities.

"If you have to leave, which agency are you hitting?" Gibbs asked quietly since Ziva and McGee were only in the break room and could be coming back at any time.

"I'm thinking maybe ATF but I'm not sure."

Gibbs nodded.  "Their office out there deals with a lot of smuggling cases.  You'd do good."  Tony grinned at him for that.  "If it happens, let me know so I can start a recommendation."

"Sure, boss.  Thanks."  He got back to work, sending him all the other similarities.  Something had to link these three people together.

***

Tony walked into Xander's house late Friday night, staring at the pouty boy.  "Semi-legal?"

"I haven't seen anything saying they're totally illegal."

"Uh-huh."  Xander got hauled up and kissed, making him slightly happier.  "Let me look.  You might be able to keep them."  Xander nodded, taking his hand to lead him to the weapons closet.  It held his axe, a few swords, a few guns, some jugs of holy water, a lot of bullets, and two things he knew weren't allowed to be owned by civilians.  "Nope, they're on the banned list," he said with a point.

Xander nodded.  "John can borrow them."

"Good."  He smiled.  "Did you talk to them about going back to look for heavier weapons?"

"Nope."

"We'll call."  He led him out, putting the call on the speaker.

"International Watchers Council."

"Hey, Rona," Xander said.  "It's Xander."

"Xander!"  She sounded like she was smiling.  "Are you guys still having a problem out that way?"

"No, I took care of the one in town last week.  You can tell them that.  If they hear of any more let me know before they send someone.  I might be able to handle it."

"I can make that note.  Almost everyone's at a party right now for one of the girls."

"It's Tony with him," Tony told her.  "Due to my job, someone told a higher up that there might still be hidden weapons in Sunnydale so we're imposing on him to go look.  He wanted to warn the others."

"I can definitely do that," she promised.  "That way no one freaks.  Xander, there were two vampire deaths listed out there."

"No, those were goth kids," Xander told her.  "They weren't fang marks.  They found metal shavings in the holes.  I intentionally met someone in the coroner's office in case one was coming up and they needed help."

"That's cool.  I'll tell them.  Thanks, Xander."  She hung up.

Xander snuggled into Tony's side.  Muffin came out to stare at them.  "Can you puppy sit?  I'm not sure the hellmouth won't hurt her.  Or if there's more demons I don't want her attacked since I'll probably be hunting in the tunnels a lot."

"I have no idea how we'd get her out there," Tony admitted.  "Let John puppy sit."

"I guess he can but his base might be mad."

"We can ask for formal permission.  His project leader is a crank but it'll be fine."  He let Xander and his dog snuggle in.  This was nice.  Maybe he would have to move to the west coast soon.

The End.

Chapter 8: Returns

Xander is asked to go back to Sunnydale to clean out anything that shouldn't fall into the wrong hands.  As his digging quest is on-going he gets some help from bigger muscles.  Bit funny, bit sad.

Xander looked around the town, letting the grief wash over him for a moment.  This was not going to be a happy trip home.  But it had to be done.  There was no telling what demons were hoarding around here.  And maybe John would let the Council have some as an apocalypse vault?  Well, maybe he could talk him and Tony into it.

He went to his first stop.  He knew there were weapons there, he had raided it.  The armory was still there.  He checked, his phone had a signal.  Just in case he needed help.  He walked onto the old base, grimacing at the ruins of the buildings.  And personal stuff.  That wasn't good.  He opened the armory's door, looking inside.  "Shit," he muttered.  That was not his decision to make.  So he called.  "John, I'm at the armory as a first stop.  No one came back to get personal items that got left behind or their armory's contents.

"Yeah, I'm thinking this is a job for someone official, not a hunter.  I'm here.  I might be in the tunnels later but I'm here."  He hung up and closed that door, walking out and down the street.  It was twisted and crooked now.  It was very depressing how silent it was here.  Not even crickets in the grass.  Very few flies.  Those he mostly found near dead pets that hadn't been evacuated.  He wanted to cry.

***

John rushed into the comm center, going to the system to call the main base.

"What are you doing?" Woolsey called from behind his desk.  He came out to see what his military head was doing *this* time.

"Xander's packing things in Sunnydale."

"Is there an emergency?"

"No one ever cleaned out the National Guard's armory or their personal stuff."

Woolesy groaned.  "So there's heavy weapons there?"

"Beyond that probably."  Landry came up on the screen.  "Sunnydale's Guard base is still standing?"

"It is?"

"Yeah.  Xander said it's got personal effects and an armory."

"Crap."  He leaned back.  "How big?"

"No clue, sir.  Tony talked Xander into going back to search for weapons that anything or anyone else might've had stored.  Just in case.  He started there to make sure it was clear."

"I'll get Carter out to help him.  She's good in that sort of situation."

"Want some of our people?" Woolsey asked.  "Or are we going to be handing them to his husband in NCIS?"

"No, that one said you guys could keep anything too big Harris found or bought by accident.  They were to paddle him if he *bought* anything that big or stole anything that big unless it was for an apocalypse."

"Agreed.  Should I give him bigger quarters to store it all since the...birthday present is in his room?"

Landry looked at John.  "You're storing it?"

"It's safer."

"No, the rest can hit the armory since there's no clear ownership.  I doubt anyone's dumb enough to step forward and claim anything that they find.  Let me get Carter out of the lab."

"Sir, it's Sunnydale," John said quietly.  "Will she be able to handle it if a demon shows up?"

"That's a good point.  SG-1 could use some less stressful trekking in the sun.  Make sure one of the parties gives me an inventory."  He hung up, going out of his office.  "Get SG-1 in the conference room.  They're going off base on a mission."  His secretary paged them.  He went back to the desk to call the Council.  "Mr. Giles please."  He was transferred over.  "Mr. Giles, General Landry, over John Sheppard's project.  I'm calling to inform you that your boy found our armory out there still had things so we're going to be in Sunnydale to clean that out and possibly to help your boy if he needs it."

He smiled, leaning back in his chair.  "He stopped there first in case.  He knew he shouldn't touch it.  No, I believe his other husband threatened to paddle him if he touched military weapons again," he said blandly.  "I did hear about the birthday present.  John is holding it for him so it's not on US soil and won't get him arrested."  He smirked.  "Yes, I'm sending in a team.  He already knows one of them and has worked with her when the NID came to try him that time.

"Yes, Sam Carter.  Tonight probably.  He's already there.  Thank you.  Do we have any current maps?"  He nodded.  "That's good, please do.  I can send you one, sir.  Thank you."  He hung up and sent him an email.  That way they could get maps and things back.  He got a message with attachments a few minutes later, pulling them up and sending them to the printer in the conference room.

***

Sam walked in last, hearing the printer going.  She pulled things off.  "Looks like we are going off base unless Sunnydale is now through a gateway."  She put the maps on the table.

"How do you know?" Cam Mitchell, the new team leader asked.

Daniel pointed.  "Sunnydale Armory."

"Oh.  Didn't see that."  Sam grinned at him.  The general walked in.  "Sir, we're going off base?"

"Agent DiNozzo at NCIS asked Mr. Harris to go back home to see if there were any stored weapons that had been hoarded."

"He told me that some demons did use higher weapons," Sam agreed, sitting down.

"He walked into the armory and found it's still there.  Plus personal effects."

"So we're going to clean up that mess, box up the armory, and help him if we need to?" Daniel guessed.  The general nodded.  "I don't see a problem with that."

"Anything from a normal residence you feel like going after, since he's looking for stored weapons, you can box up and send to FEMA.  They have a system to get it to the owners."  They all nodded.  "I'm not expecting you to clear the town totally, people, but who knows what sort of weapons we have out there.  It might just be a few guns and swords.  I'm hoping so."

"If not, where are they going?" Cam asked.

"Atlantis.  Sheppard is taking care of a present his husband received from his former fiancee."  Daniel snickered.  "That way no one has to get the boy in trouble."

"We can do that," Sam agreed.  "The armory as well?"

"I've sent an email to the president, got one back saying that was fine, he'd tell the higher ups at the Pentagon to transfer it that way.  This way it's in military custody but you four can handle yourselves if you have to."

Sam nodded.  "We can do that.  When are we leaving?"

"He's there right now."

"I have his cellphone's number if we need it," Sam decided.  "How long?"

"I'm hoping a week or less."  They all nodded, going to pack.  "Jackson, keep a good log.  I want an inventory," he called after him.  "Before Atlantis starts looking like a paranoid arsenal," he muttered.  They had taken the maps with them.

They were professionals who had handled a few potential ends of the world.  They could handle this even if it was a bit creepy.

***

Xander looked up at the sound of an engine, waving.  "Did we bring some digging equipment?"

"Shovels," Sam offered as she got out of the truck.  "Why?"

"Bunker and with the way the ground shifted, there's no telling where the opening is."

She looked then took something out of the back of the truck.  "Ground penetrating radar," she said smugly.  She showed him how to use it, making him a happy boy.  "Let us clean the armory first, Xander."

"That way," he said with a point.  "Two lefts, one right, past the stoplight that's blinking for some reason, and to the left.  I left the gates open."  She nodded, getting in to give directions while Daniel helped him with that bunker.

Daniel looked at him once they had driven off.  "Why start here?"

"The geek trio's stuff.  This would go to Andrew."  He smiled weakly.  "He's in Cleveland being a wonderful house mom."

"That's fine.  Personal targets should be first," he agreed.  Xander smiled.  "They can pack up the armory and then the personal gear very well."  They found the opening and dug it out.  "What are we expecting to find?"

"Honestly, geek stuff and his comic collection.  He'll sob since he had a real one.  He's been grieving for it."

"It's good you're doing this for him."  They got into the bunker and walked down there, making him whistle at the computer gear.  "How are we getting this back?"

"Andrew."  He smirked.  He called.  "Andrew, my man, I got sent to Sunnydale to look for weapons and happened upon Jonathan's bunker.  Yeah, your house is standing, his is standing, Warren's is leaning heavily though.  Because I'm looking at enough computer stuff to run the Enterprise, Andrew."  The boy squealed.  He pulled the phone away from his ear.  "Come here if you want it."  He hung up.  Two minutes later Willow and Andrew appeared and came down the stairs to the bunker.  Andrew flung himself at a computer and hugged it.  Xander smiled at Willow.  She was giving him a knowing look.  "Don't want the demons to use it," he told her.  He walked off.  "Andrew, this is Doctor Daniel Jackson.  His team was guarding the boundaries during the battle."

"Hey," he said, sniffling as he shook his hand.  "Thank you, Xander."  Xander waved it off but he was grinning.  "How long?"

"Today," Xander said.  Andrew eeped.  Xander pointed at Willow, who sighed but nodded she'd help.  The younger guy hugged her too and they got to work packing things up.  "Don't forget the other two's house, Andrew.  Anything left here is probably going to be destroyed soon."

"I won't, Xander.  Thank you."

"Welcome.  Oh, Willow, you might check Buffy's house since her garage is still standing and the house is in bad shape but not terribly bad shape.  Let me know if you're going in so I can be there to dig you out?"  She nodded quickly.  "Yours is on the same leaning alarmingly street."  She nodded with a smirk this time.  He took Daniel to his first real weapons target.  Willie's Alibi bar.  It was mostly destroyed but the back rooms were still hidden.  He had a pendant that would suck up any magic and disperse it.  What a wonderful thing to find in Cairo.  It worked, unhiding two falling in rooms.  He and Daniel went into it, taking things out to the front.  Including the liquor on his part.  Daniel gave him an odd look.  "It could be used to start a fire."

"It could," he agreed dryly.  "I'm sure John would appreciate that."

"Some of them.  And hey, the base shrink can keep control of it.  That way she knows who doesn't really need a drink."

Daniel snickered, nodding.  "I think she could."  They finished up and moved to the underground rooms.  These were packed.  He called Sam's phone.  "When you're done, come get us at Forrest street.  There's two packed underground rooms of weapons, old and new.  And possibly another entrance to an underground tunnel."

"Yeah, he had a few entrances into our sewer highway system," Xander said dryly.  "We used to rough up Willie for info now and then.  This was the demon bar."

Daniel nodded.  "That explains the slime on one wall."  He put his phone back and they carried up more weapons.  Willow came over to help.  "Thank you," he said, rubbing his back.

"You guys need some marines," she teased.

"Yeah but we got them because they're smart," Xander told her.

She smirked.  "Anything else you're going to arrange?"

"They won't let me keep higher weapons; you can talk to Landry about the apocalypse vault situation.  I had been going to separate out a few lighter things for you guys but since they got sent due to the armory..."  He trailed off with a shrug.

"Fine."  She went to check her parents' house  then Buffy's.  They were both nearly destroyed but they might be able to find some things out of it.  Maybe, if she was lucky and didn't fall through the floor.

***

Daniel set up the video system on Sam's laptop, letting her start it.  "Sir," he said in greeting when Landry's head appeared.  "We underestimated a lot."

"So Atlantis is going to look like some paranoid's arsenal?"

"I'm not sure some of it should be on Atlantis, sir," Sam said.  "We found a half-constructed nuclear warhead in the armory."  Landry gave her an odd look.  She nodded. "Construction, not destruction, and their armory's inventory doesn't have it listed.   The posted list is short half of what's in there.  Interestingly enough we are missing one piece already.  A grenade launcher."

"Which I'm fairly certain was the one Buffy Summers had to use in a mall," Daniel said.  Cam looked at him.  "To kill a demon that couldn't be killed by any weapon.  She blew it to chunks and separated the chunks."

"I guess that's reasonable," he admitted.  "Maybe.  How did she get it?"

"Xander said it was one of the best dates he had in high school with that ascended, Cordelia," Sam told him.  Cam shook himself quickly to get rid of that image.

"Before you get off on that tangent, how much stuff," Landry asked.  She sent him the email over the same connection.  He looked it over.  "Their armory had all this?"

"No, their armory wasn't supposed to have all that, sir."

"Crap!"

"Basically.  That and Daniel was working with Xander at the former demon's bar.  They found a good few trucks worth of stuff too.  Just in that one location.  He did let some IWC civilians back into their residences to gather things that hadn't been able to be evacuated."

"I understand that.  You'd want personal mementos."

"That and one wanted his nearly award winning comic collection," Sam agreed.  "Plus the things from his former friends that had died over the last few years."

"I guess that's a personal prize to some," he admitted. "Are they any trouble?"

"No, sir.  Rosenburg moved it all back to Cleveland earlier.  Computer gear, comics, cooking stuff, her family's stuff, Miss Summers' stuff that was left, all of it."

"Interesting.  Is there evidence of more weapons?"

Daniel nodded.  "I had Xander mark a list of where things had been that he knew for certain.  He marked at least another six bunkers and we're going to be searching their sewers, which didn't function as more than an underground walkway most of the time, plus the college's area and that underground base.  He wasn't sure what was left there."

"What underground base?"

"Initiative," Sam said bluntly.

"Oh, those crackpots.  Fine.  Strip it.  I'll conference in to see who wants to do what so we can finish stripping the town for the former residents.  There's talk about razing it and putting a thicker fence around it."  They all nodded.  "Are you all alright so far?"

"We've seen one demon and he was visiting a grave," Daniel told him.

"That I don't mind.  Let me talk to someone."

"Sir, we'll need grunts," Sam told him.  "It'll take us years otherwise."

"I can handle that."  He hung up.  He called the president to let him know.  He had wanted to be kept informed as often as he heard something.  The others, well he could talk to FEMA or Landry could.  As for grunt labor.... they probably had some somewhere.

***

John opened his door, letting Muffin bounce into Ronon happily.  "What's up?"  Woolsey walked in with a few others.  "You could've called it in the conference room."

"I didn't want the dog all over the base," Woolsey said.  "Someone might try to keep her or ask for their own again."  He looked at those gathered.  Then at John.  "How's Sunnydale going?"

"He's upset but not worried.  He's very sad about a few things.  He did something nice, letting some friends get their stuff out.  Why?  He told me Daniel and Sam's team was there."

"They found about three trucks worth of stuff already in two targets.  Half of the stuff they found on the old guard base shouldn't have been there."

"That doesn't really surprise me," John admitted.

"They hadn't done inventory since your husband took that weapon either."

"Maybe the person who was in charge of that got eaten," he offered.  "Is he in trouble for that?"

"No.  We're covering that one."  He looked around.  "We're going to have to add muscle to it.  The main base is adding two other teams.  We're doing a full clean out, people.  Including boxing up people's things in their former homes so FEMA can find the owners."  They all nodded.  "FEMA is not stepping into the town.  The last time they tried this, someone got eaten."

"Doesn't really surprise me," John agreed.  "Any other orders?"

"Weapons are being shared between us and the main base.  Sam Carter is not pleased that they found a nuclear warhead in construction phase on the old base."  They all groaned. "Pick three teams, teach them how to deal with demons," he told Sheppard.

"Shoot in the head or behead," he said bluntly.  "The types of vampire that lives there were mostly stakeable.  Issue swords or huge machetes as gear."  Woolsey nodded at that.  "Issue extra bullets too just in case if we're in the sewers.  That's where anything still living would be."

"Fine."  Woolsey looked at him.  "Harris has a small pile of his own things to go back."

"I'm sure he can put it into his car."

"Even better.  From Jackson's recon there's about eighty houses left whole, more that're partial wrecks, the college will be packed up by someone else so we don't have to move books or furniture.  We are not moving furniture.  Pictures, clothes, that stuff is acceptable.  Residents will get a chance to come back for furniture.  So make sure you mark if a house is mostly safe enough to enter or not.  Harris has construction experience I heard?" he asked.  John nodded.  "Enough?"

"Crew foreman.  Over a year."

"That'll probably be enough then.  Which three teams do you want to send, Sheppard?"

"I want to go," Teyla said.

John nodded.  "I can send us."  Woolsey pointed at the dog.  "She's trained to hunt, but he wasn't sure if she'd get injured by the hellmouth itself.  Send Perkins from the main base over if possible.  He's from there.  We were in Antarctica together."  Woolsey made that note, giving a nod after a moment.  "For pure grunt strength, send the supply team, sir.  We can send three teams to back them up.  They're used to heavy lifting."

"That's not a bad idea.  Plus they can make inventories at the same time."

"Much more efficiently than we can," Ronon agreed.

Woolsey smirked at him.  "You want to go play with the weapons I suppose?"

"I would, yes."

"Fine.  Do you want your full team?"

"I don't know."  He touched his earpiece.  "McKay, we're taking the team to Sunnydale to help clean out the weapons.  Would you like to come or would you like to watch the dog?"

"Let Radek watch the dog," he sent back.  "She likes him more."

John rolled his eyes.  "Seriously, McKay.  We're going soon.  I can bring Radek if you'd rather.  Just in case.  Sam Carter is there as science support in case we find something like the warhead in construction."

Rodney grumbled something.  "Radek and I will come.  Let the disgruntled psychiatrist watch her."  He signed off.

"Okay."  He looked at Muffin.  "Want to stay with the woman who cries on you?"  She barked, wagging her tail.  "That'll work then.  Rodney's bringing him and Radek."

"That's fine.  I'm sure Carter could use the help and I'm sure they can take energy readings and all sorts of things that others want to do."  He made that note to Landry as well.  He got back the promise of sending them a list of things.  He made the suggestion of the supply crews and got back a happier response.  "He likes that idea.  Which teams?"

"Mine, three, and eight," John said.  "They're the best at weapons and eight has two people who know ancient weapons."  Woolsey nodded.  "I'll call it."  He left them alone.  "Go pack, people.  Evan?"

"I'll stay.  That sounds creepy."

"It does," he agreed.  "But it's necessary."  He called the teams to the conference room and walked out with Muffin, taking her to the shrink's office.  "We're heading to Sunnydale."  Muffin hopped up into her lap.  She smiled, petting her.  "If it's safe, I'll have her sent for."

"That's fine, Sheppard.  Thank you.  I could use a cuddle."  He smiled and walked off.  She petted the dog.  Muffin was very calming and loving.  She needed that.  Even if the cat that had somehow snuck onto base by swimming out to them was living in her apartment at the moment.  Or Rodney's lab sometimes when she got bored.

John walked into the conference room.  The head of supply was there with the team leaders.  "Someone asked Xander to clean the weapons out of Sunnydale.  They found craploads."  They all groaned.  "FEMA has asked that we assist in packing up the personal belongings, outside of furniture, of the main houses," he told the supply chief, who nodded at that.  "With inventories."

"Of course.  How large of a project is this?"

"Eighty houses, a few more leaning alarmingly.  Xander is a former construction guy though."

"I have two of those on my staff too from before they signed on.  We can do that.  Handing those to FEMA, sir?"  John nodded.  "Any weapons?"

"Anything other than personal firearms is coming here or the main base.  SG-1 and our three teams are handling that.  I know we've heard about underground living areas, we're going to be hitting those since they're probably demon living quarters."  That got a round of nods.  Some didn't look pleased.  "We are going because we are all good with weapons.  And SGA-8 has two people who can use ancient weapons if it's necessary."  That got a nod from that team leader.  "Quick introduction.  Most of the vampires there are able to be staked.  They're usually of one specific type.  Anything else, beheading mostly works.  There are non threatening ones.  Jackson said he found one talking to a loved one's headstone.

"Don't engage unless they try you or it's making a clear threat.  Like growling at you and drooling.  Some do growl as their native language so call if that happens before you engage."  They all nodded.  "So far, the National Guard armory has had more than it should have, including a nuclear warhead."  That got a few groans.  "Xander said that they've taken over three trucks full of weapons out.  Troop carriers not pickups."  That got a horrified look from the supply person.  "That's from the armory and one other site so far."

"I'll bring all of my guys but the pregnant one, sir."  He left to tell them that and brief them.

John looked at the soldiers.  "I won't lie, it'll be creepy, but it's necessary and as far as I know we're getting most of the weapons."

"Sir, does that mean you're switching to a larger room?" one quipped with a smirk.

He grinned.  "No, they can rest in the armory.  Those are found weapons.  His was a birthday present from his former fiancee."  They all groaned.  "Any other questions?"  They shook their heads.  "Prep for leaving in the morning.  Probably about a week's worth.  There is a base out there, they're cleaning it so we might be able to stay there or the old college."  They nodded, going to pack and get ready to go.  "Ronon, Teyla, bring weapons," he told them.  "Carryable, can still carry other things too, weapons."

Ronon nodded.  "Of course."  He left.  Teyla smiled at him and left.

John went to Woolsey.  "Are we staying on the former base?"

"Carter said Mitchell cleared it for that use."

"Good.  That means we'll have showers hopefully."

"For some reason the electric and water are still on," he admitted.

John shook his head.  "That whole town is insane.  When are we going?"

"Oh-eight-hundred."

"They're packing."  He went to do his own, checking on the scientists.  "Guys, we will be staying on the old base out there.  It'll be a week's worth.  I think you're getting a list of things someone wanted samples from or whatever."  Rodney got into his email, grimacing as he printed it.  "We're leaving at eight sharp."  They nodded.  "Good."  He turned and found Muffin there.  "Did you sneak off?" he asked her, smiling at the dog.  She barked, scaring the cat trying to hide on top of a machine.  The cat hissed.  Muffin came in to sniff her a few times, getting batted at but she just licked the cat and walked off with John.

Rodney looked at the cat.  "You can't stay in here if you aren't quiet."  She settled back down in her 'inbox' basket with a huff.  "Thank you."  He handed Radek the printout.  "There, pack what we need while I swear at people."

"Of course.  You do that part better than real work," Radek taunted.

"Of course I do, that's why I'm in charge," he shot back with an evil smirk.  They had been bored but neither of them wanted to do this.

***

Xander looked over as people appeared in a flash of light.  One of them walked off with a scanner.  "PKE meter?" he called, making Rodney flinch.  He smirked.  "This way, McKay."  He walked him to the crater where the high school had been.  "The hellmouth is the center of that sucking area."  He looked at him.  "Which is why things twisted."

"Why did it start sucking?"

"The portal was closed by Spike," he said quietly, looking at him.  "His blood had opened it."

"Is that common?"

"I don't know.  It worked with Acathla's statue way back when Angel lost his soul.  I'd have to ask someone like Giles."  He saw Willow appear on his other side.  "We're packing."

"I'm helping.  That way we know whose stuff goes where."  He nodded.

McKay looked around and pointed.  "See the bushy bearded man with reddish blond hair?  He's the head of supply that's here."  She nodded, going to talk to him.  He looked at Xander.  "They wanted samples."

"I don't care and I doubt it'd open underneath you."

"Even if I bled into it?"

"No, the Seal of the First had specific opening instructions.  It's more likely you'll find some of the old bezoar eggs.  I know all the tunnels for about three blocks end in dead ends due to the sucking as well.  I'm going to be by the old Magic Box first today.  Call me if you need me."

"Agreed."  He made shooing motions.  Xander walked off.

Radek came over with their sample collecting kits.  "That is a lot of energy output."

"Yes it is.  We should ask Rosenburg if this is normal."

"We can do that later, when we're all tired."  They got to work taking samples of what was wanted.

Sam Carter watched Radek walk off, shaking her head.  "I'm sorry they got sample patrol.  Xander?" she asked, spotting him.  "Where are you going to be?"

"Magic Box.  It's nearly caved in but I know we didn't move everything out of there."  She nodded at that.  "Guys, closer to the UC campus is always safer," he told them.  "The closer to the outer edges you are, the more stable they are.  I'd start there.  There's probably more stuff left."  They nodded, heading that way.  He looked at Sam, then at John and his dog.  "Did you sneak again?"

"She refused to stay."

"It's fine.  Sam Winchester said he thought the energy wouldn't hurt her too much."  He walked off with his dog helping him.  "C'mon, we'll see if Buffy left her swords or Giles left any tea."

John smirked, shaking his head.  "He's tired," he told the watching SG teams.  They all nodded at that.  "Carter, Mitchell, where are we starting?"

"Above ground," she told him.  She pulled out the map, pointing it off.  "Do a quadrant search, make sure you look for bunkers.  He noted the ones he knew had old fallout shelters and bunkers for hiding."  She gave each team a few blocks and they went to it.  "John, did they actually do a nightly patrol?"

"Yeah.  Hit most of the cemeteries, hit the major congregating spots, then head home for the night.  Xander joined in when he could."  He walked off.  His spouse was pretty amazing but Sunnydale was creepy when it was this quiet.  He found Teyla and Ronon bagging up a dead cat.  "Guys, it's all right.  They're going to destroy the town once we're done."

"It's still possible it will cause illness," Teyla told him.

"True."  He tied the bag for them and they went on.  Each house got checked for weapons rooms.  The weapons were put onto the sidewalk for easy picking up.  Any that had a good sized yard John checked for bunkers with the GPR unit and then a metal detector.  They found a few lockboxes buried that way. Those got put into the house.  They marked a 'safe' marking on those that were and moved on.  John found the first real bunker.  "Bingo," he said.  He handed Ronon a shovel, letting him uncover it while he searched for the doorway's edges.  They got it open and John whistled.  "Damn."  He touched his comm earpiece.  "Carter, what do we do when we find the drugs?"

"How bad?"

"We can't get down the stairs for the weed."

"Bundled?"

"Yeah."

"Bring it out carefully, put it on the sidewalk.  We'll burn it or hand it to the DEA," Cam ordered then signed off.

"You heard him."

"What is this stuff?  Do you smoke it?" Teyla asked.

"Only if you want a goofy, feel good, high," John said with a grin.  "That is marijuana."  They had heard of that from some of the people on the base so they put on gloves to carry it out.  Underneath the few bundles of well cut weed, they found weapons.  Ronon moaned, petting one.  "Yeah, that's pretty," he agreed.  They carried them out to the sidewalk as well.  He found the cash and clicked back.  "Mitchell, Sheppard.  Cash in the same bunker as the drugs?"

"I don't care.  Give it to your boy, Sheppard."

"Bundle it and we'll figure it out," Daniel said.  "The same as we will be the former Mayor's stash.  Anyone know anything about gold?"

"Gold?" Mitchell said.  "Like bars?"

"Like I can build Muffin a good sized doghouse from the pile of bars," Sam told him.

"I'll be right there," Cam said.

Sheppard moaned.  "That Mayor was the one at graduation, guys.  Super bad guy who turned into a hundred foot demon.  There's no one to claim that for him."

"I'll get ethical guidelines on that from the general," Daniel told them.  They all signed off.

John looked at the bundled cash.  "Carry it out, we'll figure that part out later.  They nodded, carrying it and the computer gear out there.  John found the growing tanks and took the seedlings that were nearly dead too.  Just in case.  Teyla looked at one, touching it.  "Weed plants.  They grow about eight feet tall with the right care."

"Wow."

"Very."  He put those down next to the drugs and they moved onto the next house.

***

Xander got called to the Mayor's warehouse, walking in and looking around.  He put his magic sucking pendant on the wall with the switches, letting it work.  Slowly things started to fade in.  Cam Mitchell gave him the most horrified, comical look.  He grinned.  "After you guys are gone, I'll go around to make sure that there's nothing else."  He walked over to look at the stack of gold and platinum.  "Awww, we knew he was running weapons and offering things to the demons to support him."  He looked around at the other stuff that had been hidden.  Some things were starting to fade again.  "Must've tied it to the hellmouth.  I'll go blow it up later and it'll stop," he muttered.  "What's up, guys?"

"Who was this person?" Mitchell demanded.

"He was the mayor for over a century."  Mitchell shuddered.  "He made demonic deals to extend his life and move onto his ultimate goal of becoming a pure demon.  There's a file somewhere online from graduation if you wanted to see it.  It wasn't pretty.  I commanded the battle to let the civies flee and Buffy blew him up in the school."

"But all this stuff," he complained.

Xander walked him outside, pointing up the road.  "The red and white house that has all the plastic covers on the furniture was his too.  He helped take this town from the natives so he could use it.  He's the guy that made this town the buffet it was for demons and vampires."

"So he's the source of the problems," Sam said.

"That was the hellmouth.  He was the sorcerer who was in control of the town," Xander corrected.  "He was germphobic, he was one of those supposedly kind people who would smile politely at you as you were being eaten, and he's the one that got Buffy here so she could fight the Master."  He smirked.  "Welcome to Sunnydale, guys.  Home of the creepy."  He walked off.  "Let me figure out how to stop the hellmouth for a few hours."

He called Willow.  "If I stick dynamite into the hole and blow it, it'd spew the radiation upward and dissolve the magic for a few weeks, right?"  He nodded while listening to her ideas.  "Do I have that here?"  He nodded again.  "Even better.  Thanks."  He hung up and called Sam Carter.

"Willow has something that'll work so the hellmouth quits interfering for about a week.  We will get a spew upward," he warned.  He jogged that way, finding the two scientists. "Guys, clear the hole," he called.  "We've got to disrupt the waves coming off it because it's hiding things."  They stared at him.  "Now.  Unless you want me to blow you up too."  They gathered things and moved back.

"Farther."  They moved farther back.  "Hit the real street," he ordered finally.  Willow appeared.  He looked it over, connecting the last few things then dropped it into the dent in the center of the hole, running for the street himself.  He knew how powerful that thing was, he had built it.  "Back," he shouted at them.  "Another hundred feet."   They made it.  He barely did and got clobbered with sprayed dirt.

Rodney was taking film and energy readings.  "It's ...dissipating."

"It disrupted the usual flow out," Willow told him.  "Now it's spewing up for a while.  You've got about six days before the regular flow comes back.  Or we did when we blew up the high school."

Xander grinned.  "The Mayor's stash was hidden by shields tied to that."

"Wonderful.  I wonder how he did that?"

"Don't know."

She huffed.  "Books?"

"No clue.  If I find any I'll hand them to Giles."  She nodded, disappearing.  He grinned at the scientist he didn't know.  "So, how do you like Sunnydale?  And aren't you glad you're not in Cleveland."  He jogged back to the warehouse, finding everything unhidden.  "It worked.  Six days Willow thinks."

Daniel dusted him off.  "How is it flowing now?"

"Up.  She studied it after the high school explosion.  It disrupted the ground level flow and the first few feet off it.  Everything else got blown into the upper ranges.  Those come back first as it slowly sinks back down."

Sam Carter shook her head, moaning slightly.  "You're all insane."

"Sunnydale does that to you," he said dryly, smirking at her.  "That's why so many of us were on drugs."

"John said he found a bunker with a lot of weed," she told him.

"Which area is he in?"  She pulled out her map to show him.  "That's Frederick's stash.  His father took over the business when his son got eaten.  The mayor was trying to stop him but too many of the residents wanted it.  He decided it made them easier snacks."  He looked around.  "Let me find more babies to pet."  He went off to do that through the back door.

Sam looked at Mitchell.  "If I eve get that bad...."

"We'll put you the same place they put me," Daniel assured her.  She smiled at him for that.  "I'll even have Jack help."

"Thanks, really."  They got to work cataloging things.  "Well, private jet," she said, looking at it.

"Landry might like that," Cam told her.  He watched the strange guy come in and go down through a trap door.  "I thought we were waiting on the underground stuff."

"We are but he's following a hunch I think," she told him.

Daniel nodded.  "Probably," he said when he heard the crowing.  "Xander, do we need help?" he called.

"Yup.  I found the other warheads."

Sam and Cam ran that way to check on them.  Rodney McKay got summoned when they found one had an active, not turned on timer.  He had built one once, she had only flipped one on.  He got it disarmed and they moved them very carefully topside.

Rodney looked at Xander.  "Don't make Sheppard as insane as you are," he ordered. "We'd hate to lose him or use electroshock treatments to fix him.  His hair might actually behave."  He walked off shaking his head.

Xander grinned.  "Awww.  I told the aunts he wanted John."  He strolled off again.  "That's probably the heaviest weapons unless we had another doomsday or apocalypse cult."

"Did we?" Daniel called.

"Cult, yes, fully human, off to the right of Adam's college then two more blocks.  The blue house with black shutters.  Otherwise?  No idea."  They went to check that house, just in case they had more heavy weapons.  That area hadn't been assigned yet.

***

Generals Landry and O'Neill both showed up to see the final piles of stuff.  It took up a large field outside of town.  O'Neill looked at it then at Xander.  "Damn," he said bluntly.

"Yes they kinda were by living here," he shot back with a smirk.  His dog barked so he let her go pet the general.  Both of them petted her and she came back.  "Anyway, sirs.  There's problematic stuff that got me glared at when I knew who was doing it."

"Beyond the nuclear warheads?" Landry asked.  Xander pointed at the side where the drugs were.  He walked around to look.  "That's a problem, yes."

Jack looked then nodded.  "DEA."

"Sir, the money we confiscated and the gold, platinum, and silver bars?" Sam asked.

He stared so she walked him to that part of the confiscated stuff.  He considered it.  "IWC?"

"Mr. Giles was horrified when I talked to him," Daniel admitted.  "He said he had no idea we had drug dealers in Sunnydale.  Buffy told him she had heard of someone dealing weed but he had been eaten in their junior year."

"His dad took it over," Xander said.  Jack looked at him.  "My mom liked it now and then."

"I see."  He stared at the kid.  "Admitting you tried it?"

"I could get a perfectly good buzz by being in my room the days she had some."  He shrugged.  "Why would I need to?  If I wanted that messed up, I could've went and ordered the special 'shroom drink at the Bronze."

"I don't want to know," he decided.

"We did confiscate that stash as well," Sam told him.  "Dried out now but there is some good psychedelic mushrooms, sir."

"I don't want to know," he repeated.

"Fine."  She smirked.  "What are we doing with the money, Generals?"

Landry looked at her.  "We'd screw up the budget things if we took it."  O'Neill nodded quickly.  "Give it to the old residents?"

"FEMA showed up yesterday.  Half of them decided they didn't have a house here and don't remember living here," Daniel told him.  "So we have some sheets and things to spare now."

"The brothel and the other two motels were good for that," Xander agreed.  "Cheap towels too."

"Brothel?" Jack asked.  John coughed and pointed at a sign in the distance.  "It was?"

"Yes, sir, it was," Sam Carter agreed.  "It had a sign behind the desk saying anyone could enter any room anytime they wanted.  Almost no one read it probably but I'm sure the rooms weren't that secure."

Xander shook his head.  "No but some people did stay there on purpose sometimes."  Landry gave him a strange look.  "Some people were single, sir.  It was cheaper than paying for it."

"I don't want to know," he decided too.  "Are we going to talk you out of claiming anything?"

"Two special, nice swords, another battle axe, and a new handgun."

"Which I cleared," Cam said.  "Since he found the warheads for us.  They were under the Mayor's stash.  The plane and precious metals were on top of it."

O'Neill looked at everything again.  It filled a good sized field without a lot of room between the individual piles.  "All right, I'm all for going to get a drink tonight," he decided.

"Jack," Daniel complained.

"Anyone else who was here has the night off for medicinal drinking as well.  The plane, the weapons, all hit the SGC, we'll parcel things out to Atlantis."

"The left pile is going to fit in our armory," John said, giving Xander a shoulder nudge.  "Gun?"  Xander grinned, showing it to him.  "That's pretty."  He got a lap from the dog.  "You're very pretty too, Muffin."  He noticed she was panting.  "Xander, I think it's time for an exorcism."

Xander opened is canteen and put down a collapsible bowl for her, filling it up.  "Holy water."  The dog shook but the demon floated off.  "That way she's not possessed.  Bobby said I could and probably should do it daily around here."

"Is that why you made me drink water last night?" Rodney asked him.

"Yup, because I wasn't sure if you were scary or possessed."

"He's normally like that," Sam told him dryly.

"He was worse than usual," Radek assured her.  "I was hoping for possessed.  The others would enjoy tying him up and gagging him while spraying him with holy water."

She giggled, shaking her head.  "We'll find you guys some more projects."  She looked at the amused looking generals.  "I'm sure I can."

"I'm sure you can too," Landry said, giving McKay a dirty look then Xander.  He got back an innocent look.  "I really don't want to know.  Sheppard, you sure you don't want anything else?"

"We'd need another armory.  I asked how much room we had left."

"We can put a locking door on a room.  Send everything but the right third to their base.  The drugs go to the DEA."  He looked at O'Neill then shrugged.  "The plane goes to us.  The two cars go to the meeting hanger for off-base use by Atlantis.  We'll get them plates this week.  The other stuff...."  He looked at that pile.  "The IWC gets to pick through."

O'Neill nodded.  "That works for me."  He looked at Xander.  "If you find any other weapons...."

"I'll call John."

"Thank you."  He patted him on the shoulder then petted the dog.  "Try to keep the boy sane, Muffin.  He needs it before he drives others more insane than my team did me."  He walked off shaking his head.  Their things got loaded up and moved to where they needed to be.  The plane got a pilot that wasn't John since he was there with Xander.  They'd give him some spouse time for one last night.

John looked around when everyone started to leave him.  "Hey," he complained.

"Your husband is here," Cam reminded him.  He turned to walk backward so he could see him.  "We'll be leaving tomorrow.  That way you don't keep anyone up."  Sheppard had the ability to blush, he proved it then.  "0700 sharp, Sheppard.  Oversee the IWC picking over too since you know them."  He turned back around and jogged off.  He needed a shower.  He felt slimy for some reason.  Then that medicinal drinking sounded *real* good and they did have that liquor stash from the clubs.

"Yes, sir."  He went back to Xander's side.  "Huh."  Xander looked around before kissing him.  "Where did you get twinkies?"

"I have twinkie sensing radar.  Unless I'm in the city, then I seem to have twink sensing radar."  John moaned but kissed him again to straighten him out.  He grinned, texting Willow.  She showed up, looking at the piles.  "Household stuff that the old owners didn't want."

She stared then at him.  "Why do we get it?"

"Pick over it," John told her.  "O'Neill and Landry said so."

"We don't need it."

"Then we'll donate sheets and those things," John told her.

"Good!"  She looked around.  "Anything else?"

"Money, gold bars?" John asked.

"Giles said he'd spank us.  He thinks it might set off the hellmouth like Xander does."

"Not my fault I sucked up hellmouth energy for over twenty years," he said dryly.

"I know.  So does he, but he doesn't like it.  It makes the girls work harder.  And hey, you're working on your forge so you can use some of those."  She blipped off with it, then came back.  "It's in your former working room with some of Anya's mess."  She disappeared again.  That felt right to her.  Xander needed it so he wouldn't have to work and could spoil his spouses.  Husbands needed spoiled.  Hers would if she had one.

Xander looked at John, who shrugged.  "What were you playing with out of Anya's stuff?"

"Her sex toy collection."  John blushed, shaking his head, staring his mate down.  He grinned.  "Not like I've had fun."  He walked him off to the local motel.  They could be loud, bouncy, and no one would mind.  Muffin came to guard the door but she never minded when he pounced.

Once in there, John cuddled Xander.  "I know it's been hard."  Xander relaxed against him.  "It's okay."  Xander kissed him with a gentle smile.  "Not that I don't want to do bouncy things that'll make me swear while moving for the next week but do you really want to or just to take your mind off of all this?"

"I've grieved, said goodbye, and now I'm ready to move on to my present."

"I'm one hell of a present," he teased.  Since Xander wasn't using him to mute the uneasiness, it was good.

"Yes you are, and wearing so many layers of wrapping too."  He pulled John's tactical vest off him, tossing it in the chair.  John set his watch alarm for six-thirty and they got down to it.  It was very comforting and Tony was clearly eavesdropping from his apartment couch.  So they all got some fun with the extra bouncy Xander.  Poor John's back would survive, hopefully.

***

Woolsey looked at the new inventories and then at Sheppard since he was leaning against a wall.  "Did you throw your back out moving things?" he asked.  "Or shouldn't I ask?"

"Xander threw my back out but the dog jumping on me when my watch went off made me hit the floor and kill it worse," he admitted.

"I don't need details," he said quickly.  John gave him a smug look.  "Anything else I should see?"

"The two vehicles we'll have for off-base use need plates.  They're saying they'll get them this week.  The plane's back in Colorado.  Willow sent the rest of the stuff to Xander's house so he's going to be sorting for days.  Somehow he managed to live on stale snack cakes, beef jerky, and holy water for a week and a half.  I've already called someone to check him and the dog to make sure they're not possessed."  He shifted some with a wince.  "The secondary armory's all set up with a lock that's keyed to specific people.  McKay's and Zalenka's samples were sent off with Carter before we came back.  Along with all the energy readings.  The drugs we found got sent to the DEA.  FEMA was happy to get that stuff because now they can raze the town once they move furniture.  The donation places around LA are getting all that stuff after someone checks it for energy signatures.  If they find one, they know to call Cleveland.  Then Sunnydale's going to be sealed off forever."

"Good.  We don't want a repeat.  How is Cleveland doing?"

"After the invasion, the City Council realized that they had seen some of those people in their city and went to talk to them.  The area around the hellmouth was rezoned for non-living purposes.  It gave them a huge park.  The girls got to help with some of the landscaping so they could plant some protective plants that would stab demons but not humans.  There's probably been some nervous people moving out of there but I have no idea."

"That's something I'd do too," Woolsey admitted, looking at him.  "Hit the infirmary since you're done for the day."

"I still have to meet with Lorne."

"He can meet you down there.  You can barely stand."

"I fell off the bed."

"I don't care."

"Fine.  Even though I only need a few advil."  He walked that way slowly.  He ran into Lorne, seeing his amused look.  "Muffin jumped on me when my watch alarm went off; it made me jump and fall off the bed."

"I hoped your husband wasn't that mean to you, sir."  He helped him down the stairs.  "Things were calm while you were gone.   The cat that managed to swim out to us had kittens in McKay's lab.  He's cooing over them but glaring at anyone who gives him soft, mushy looks for it.  Radek was snickering in another lab so he didn't get beaten for it."

"That's good to know."

"The mother has been keeping down the few bay rats we've had migrate."

"Even better."  He winced and stopped to lean against a wall.  "The dog and my boy are both too bouncy," he said quietly.  Lorne smirked at him for that.  "He lived on stale snack cakes all week."

"Sugar can do that to some people."  He helped him up the hallway once he was ready.  "Ronon is still in a goofy mood after petting all the weapons."

"I'll be making holy water to dose everyone with later."

"The infirmary got that information from someone and has already done everyone but you.  He's still in a goofy, high mood.  Thank you for not bringing back all that pot so we wouldn't have to see them tripping on it."  John shot him a dirty look.  "How was it?"

"Quiet.  Way too quiet.  Xander grieved," he said quietly.  "The town was that sort of 'dead' creepy that we saw on a few places the wraith had harvested from.  Dead animals that had been left.  We disposed of all the drugs we found around town.  There was nearly a case of psychiatric drugs to be disposed of.  A lot of pain killers too.  Someone sent that to a nearby pharmacy so they could do that."  The other man nodded.  "Other than that, it was...  Well, quiet and creepy.

"A lot of lifting but still way too quiet.  The few demons that tried to attack down in the sewers were handled quickly with minor injuries.  The few peaceful ones got respectful looks from most everyone.  Two people wanted to take them out anyway and got lectured from Jackson.  That was a three hour lecture."  Lorne snickered.  Jackson's lectures were SG legends now about the length and butt chewing included.  "It was necessary but we all felt like we were desecrating a graveyard in some ways.   Especially when we had to because we found some weapons in some crypts.  Which had no bodies in them."

"Charming place to put weapons," he said sarcastically.

"Vampires lived in them.  Xander decided they probably scavenged them."  He shrugged then let out a soft moan.  "Ow."  Lorne let him rest against a wall.  "Don't you dare call a medic team to move me."

"Fine."  He called the doctor personally.  "I've got Sheppard but he threw his back when the dog bounced him off the bed.  About two hallways short of the infirmary in a rotunda.   Thank you."  He hung up and looked at him.  "Is Xander fondling the money?"

"Right now he's trying to figure out if he's keeping the precious metal or not.  He might be able to use some of it."  The doctor walked up to him.  "The dog pounced when my watch alarm went off.  Bounced me off the bed."

"I know how that is.  My husky used to do that to me too."  She helped him stand up again, supporting his weight.  "We could get a stretcher."

"All I need are some advil and the new massage cushion I got given for my birthday."

She smiled.  "That's in the infirmary right now anyway," she told him.  She helped Lorne get him there, handing him holy water to take his three pain pills with.  He grimaced but did it anyway.

"Did your spouse really dose McKay because he thought he was possessed?"

"He wasn't sure if he was possessed or mean."

"Probably just mean," Lorne said dryly.

"I'm not sure.  He was being a bigger ass than usual," John told him.  "The dog got it too.  Something floated out of her that last night."  They groaned.  He pulled out his cellphone to call someone.  "Hey, Sam, John Sheppard.  I did call you guys about checking Xander, right?"  He grinned.  "Thanks."  He hung up.  "He's already headed that way.  Just in case since Xander keeps possessions."

"Does it bother him?" the doctor asked.

"The hyena he got possessed with is fun now and then.  She comes forward, growls, bit Tony once on the ankle.  But she loves being petted so it's all good most of the time when she reappears."  He yawned.  "Massage cushion?"  She set it up against the bed's railings and let him rest against it.  He fell asleep that way.  It was very comforting.  Nearly as good as his bouncy husband.

Lorne blushed, shaking his head at the mumbling.  "I didn't need to know that."  He walked off.  He ran into McKay.  "Sheppard's getting his back treated."

"That's fine.  I expected that with the way he was moving earlier.  Is everything else done?"

"All stored and locked away."

"Even better."  He went to the infirmary.  "Do we have any droppers and formula?"

"I do," she said, handing him the kitten supplies.  "She won't feed them?"

"They're whining pitifully because she's asleep and not feeding them.  Radek wants to go on a mercy mission."  He carried them back to him.  "Here, stop the pitiful wailing she's doing."

Radek smiled, mixing the formula and feeding the three kittens.  The mother needed a long nap and they needed food.  It gave him something to do today.

***

Sam walked into Xander's house, heading for where he could hear him moving.  Xander was stuck in the devil's trap Dean had painted on his ceiling without him knowing.  "Xander?"  The boy gave him a pained look.  "Who was it this time?"

"I don't know," he moaned.

Sam looked around at the stuff.  "That's a lot of stuff."  He got it shoved out of his way, handing Xander a chair to sit in. Then Sam went to make holy water by the gallon.  With the way Xander kept spirits, he'd be up all night doing exorcisms.  He walked the dog back in there, noticing she got stuck too.  He started on her after feeding her a light sedative.  He knew it hurt when the spirit came out of you.

"I fed her holy water daily."

"She's still got a little bit."  He got to work on her.  When she was finally clear, she gave him a tired woof and went to lay outside.  Sam smirked at Xander, who was looking pitiful.  "Tough."  He started the exorcism on him.  Yup, it was going o take all night since two spirits floated out together the first time.

***

Tony flinched, holding his ribs.  "Boss, I'm going to Ducky's office while they unpossess Xander," he muttered when Gibbs came closer.  He got helped down there.  Ducky came in to check on him.  "They're doing an exorcism or ten on Xander.  He picked up some extra people in Sunnydale."

Ducky handed him something for the pain and let him sleep.  He went back to the outer area to get bak to work on some necessary paperwork and the inventory.

Gibbs watched him for a few minutes.  He called Dean Winchester.  He had his number in case of bad spirits in DC or on his team.  "If they're doing an exorcism on Xander and it's affecting Tony, does he need one too?"  Dean groaned but said it was likely.  "Call Sheppard to have someone check him?"  He said he would and he was only a few hours away so they'd do his soon; Sam had flown back to handle Xander's.  Then he hung up.  Gibbs put his phone back in his pocket.  "You'll survive and make it through this, DiNozzo."  He walked off, leaving him in there.  "Expect Dean Winchester to come in for the exorcisms, Ducky.  Apparently it slipped from Xander to him."

"That's unusual."

"That bond," he said dryly.

"Hmm.  I'll let him in when he shows up."  Gibbs walked off shaking his head.  "Very unusual."

***

John, Xander, and Tony showed up on their own dream plane 'room', looking at each other.  "Now that we've all been exorcized... Xander, how many did you keep this time?"

"Five, six.  Two housewives, one of which could cook, the local town blacksmith, which is kinda a happy for me.  He was making swords.  The others are kind of blurry.  I think they were average people.  No one I recognize right off."

"Do we need to remove them too?" Tony asked.

"No, they left a taint, like the soldier did," John told him.  "Thankfully I got two others that did the same to me."  Xander grinned.  "One was one of the most ineffectual doctors on the face of the earth."

Tony smirked.  "I got one from a working girl."

"So we can let you do more slutty things?" Xander teased.

Tony pinched him.  "No because I can't be as sore as John is."

"That was Muffin," Xander defended.

John looked at him.  "You had your share of making me sore," he said dryly.  Xander just grinned.  "No more snack cakes for a while, Xander."  He gave them both a kiss.  "I can hear someone in my room."  He woke himself up, staring at Teyla.  "Are you possessed?" he asked since she didn't look like herself.  She didn't say anything.  He grabbed his comm and put it in, calling a doctor and for some holy water.  He knew the exorcism chant by heart having heard it for over a day.

No one he knew was ever going to Sunnydale ever again!

The End.

Chapter 9: Mind Games

More on the 'shippy side but some things start to settle down in the trio's lives, even if people are asking nosy questions, making assumptions, or trying their best to cause problems.

John looked up when the frustration hit him.  Tony was probably doing the same since he could feel him sending calming feelings toward Xander.  He sent back a helpful suggestion of his own.  //Ask Cleveland if they can get rid of it for you.  If they ask, tell them Jack O'Neill gave it to you for your help in cleaning the weapons out of Sunnydale.//  Xander sent back that he had done that but no one was going to touch it.  //Demon bank?//  He smirked at the frustrated groan.  //Have fun talking to Angel.//  He blocked them out again, going back to his current leave requests.  He had one too many to go and all of them had family things.  That wasn't going to sit well with Woolsey.  He walked it in there.  "I'm not going to tell some guy he can't go see his brother being born or anything like that."

"I have six too many that're claiming family events too," he complained.

"Then check to see if we can send off more."  He walked off, going to find someone.  Xander was crowing.  So something was looking good out there.  He heard the base's alarm, heading to the area where the alert had come from.  He found a dead body.  "Aw, crap!  Woolsey, need you on the south pier."  He squatted to look at it, grimacing.  Long dead.  His day just got shit-tastic.   Woolsey jogged out.  John moved.  "You can see the intrusion."

"Well, get him up here."

"We can't move it, Woolsey.  Cops get pissed at that."  He gave him a dirty look but John stared back.  "Get a JAG person or an NCIS person or hey, even a CID person."

"We don't have one."

John thought at Tony, getting a recommendation from Gibbs.  "Call the local JAG guy named Pierson.  He's uptight but Gibbs trained with him and he's got a pretty high rating."

"Why?"

"Because otherwise we have to let cops onto Atlantis to bag him up," John said.  "Or we're in trouble.  That's the way the law works."

"Pierson?"

"Andana Pierson.  JAG."

"I'll look them up.  Pull the body up and cover it."

"That we can do," John agreed, helping do that.  The medical team covered it and John posted a guard.

Woolsey went inside to call.  He started with the general.  "Sir, we have a small issue."

"What now?" he asked, almost complaining.  The rest of the IOA had been giving him fits for days.  He was about to zat them all.  At least Woolsey had learned better most of the time.

"We just had a dead body wash up."

"That's bad.  What's the suggested idea?"

"Sheppard complained about my idea of handing the body to the police.  Said they'd want to come out.  He talked to DiNozzo, who got a recommendation of an Andana Pierson from the local JAG office."

General Landry considered it then nodded.  "That'll work.  Let me look him up."  He turned to his computer, staring at the rating.  "Yeah, he's got a very high rating.  He's worked cases on the base before.  Have Sheppard personally escort him so he can't go anywhere he shouldn't."

"Yes, General."  He hung up and called over the comm system.  "Sheppard, pick him up, escort him there and back to the mainland.  No deviation."

"Of course not."  He walked off shaking his head.  There were days he almost missed dealing with flying in space against the wraith.  He took the puddle jumper to the mainland's meeting area, landing and getting out to wait on the guy.   He was prompt.  He was also a demon.  John stared at him while Xander babbled about their species.  "Do you eat the bad guys?" he asked finally.  "So I know before we get back?"

"No, I feed off their negative emotions.  It stuns them."

"Then that's cool."  He let him into the shuttle.  "Were you briefed?"

"Slightly."

"We're going to the base, it's closed in a diversion shield.  A body just washed up."

"That's reasonable."

"Woolsey wanted to fly the body over and hand him over."

"No, that's beyond protocol even for the military."

John took off, leveling off and heading back.  "I'm to escort you there and back.  If you need our med team, just ask."

"I can do that."  He watched the water.  It was nice.  The ship....well he'd heard of those things from his mother's family legends.  He wasn't going to even wonder.  People who wondered about classified military projects like this got conscripted.  Or disappeared.  They landed and he followed John out, glancing up.  "It's pretty."  He followed him to the body, nodding at the two guards.  "Thank you, boys.  Let me see."  He squatted down, uncovering the head of the body.  "Looks like he's been in the water for a few days.  Let's get the medical team to bag him up please, Colonel?"

"Sure.  Med team, can you please bag him?" he called over the comm.  He watched what he was doing.  Bodies weren't pretty that long dead.  Xander was keeping him calm.  Tony too.  The medical team came out with a body bag for him, doing it up.  "Let's get him to the shuttle."

"That'll work.  I'll call the local people to the meeting area to come collect him," Pierson said with a nod and a small grin.  They walked it to the shuttle on a gurney and got back inside.  Once John took off he looked at the young man.  "You've got a lot of negative feelings on base," he warned.

"We've just started to grant leave," John admitted.   "We're working on it."  He glanced at him.  "Resentment?"

"No, anger.  I don't know why but there was a lot of it, Sheppard."  He checked the body then looked at him again.  "Not how this was supposed to go?"

"No.  Not in the least.  We shouldn't be in the bay."  That got a nod.  "We're just off a combat tour too."

"That could be some of it.  You need to talk to your commanding officer.  You're going to have problems."

"I'll talk to him later.  Thank you."

"Not an issue.  Something like that needs to be taken care of."

John nodded.  "Before we get fights.  How did you know who I am?"

"There's all sorts of rumors about Harris's spouses."  He smirked.  "They spotted you in LA with the other one."

"Hmm.  Thanks for letting us know."

"Not a problem.  I know Harris only attacks those who're causing problems.  We heard he cleaned out Sunnydale of the weapons."

"Yup.  Got a few things for himself in reward since we found some higher weapons."

"The old mayor was said to be a bastard."

"So I heard."  He landed inside the building.   They carried the body inside.  "Let me take off again."

"Go for it."  He smiled as the young man took off, heading outside to call.  "This is JAG Officer Adana Pierson.  There's a classified military project that had a body wash up.  I'm at a neutral military location with the body and need it picked up."  He smiled at the detective's response.  He told him the address.  "I'll be here."  He hung up and looked inside.  The body was still there.  With what they say about the that project, that's almost amazing.  The detective he called showed up.  He let him see the body.  "Beyond classified project."

"That's all right.  I understand those things appear," he said dryly.  "Washed up?"

"Was in the water.  They pulled it out and called me.  Had guards standing over it."

"That's fine.  What's this?"

"Off-base meeting area."

"Okay."  He called people to come get the body.  He wasn't going to wonder about the military guys.  He wasn't sure he wanted to know even if he was curious.

***

Xander hung up with the lawyer that had dealt with Anya's will, letting him handle it.  It was a fairly reasonable rate.  It'd mean all the money was clean.  Because he didn't want to deal with the FBI over it.  Once was enough.  He had been sure to keep that from Tony and John.  He didn't want them to worry.  Worrying Tony would stress out McGee, Gibbs, and Abby.  Which would get him growled at.  Tony would stress more and there'd be a fight of some sort or Toy would get shot again.  He didn't want that.  The lawyer showed up and looked at the piles then at him.  "Cleveland didn't want it."

"I can see why.  It might taint them."

"Did the old Mayor taint it?"

"It does radiate hellmouth energy."

"So do I."

"Yes, you do."  He looked at him.  "You should fix that."

"I'll do a cleaning spell tonight.  Even if I do get another vision from it."  The lawyer smiled.  "That's a more complicated story," he said dryly.  "So, can we?"

"We can have that changed for you.  It's not that hard."  He called someone, who appeared.  Xander rubbed his forehead.  "Magic...."

"Can set them off," he said quietly.  "I'm good though.  Hi, Xander Harris."

"Mr. Harris."  He paused, staring at him.  "You are that Xander Harris."  He nodded.  "The old mayor's things?"

"The military had me going to clean out weapons.  They gave it to me because the IWC didn't want it."

He nodded.  "Why?  They could probably use it."

"Giles thought it might be tainted by Sunnydale."

"Indeed."

"We know the hellmouth out there reacts wonderfully to me, tried to pull me into a hug actually."  The demons both shuddered.  "Exactly.  Can we do something with it?"

"I can definitely do that but Wilkins left a will with an amendment for his 'daughter'."

"Faith's in Mexico.  I can have her sent here."

"Please, that would suit us," the lackey said.

Xander called her.  "Faith, me.  The cleanout went better than expected.  The IWC gave me Wilkin's stuff.  Like gold, Faith, and apparently he had a will that named you.  Need you at my place.  Thanks."  He hung up.  "She'll get Willow to send her."

"That'll be fine."  He moved in to check it over.  "This one has a scratch or three?"

"I wanted to see how easy it was to manipulate one.  I'm working on forging weapons."

The demons stared at him.  "Like real weapons?"

"I've only been working on it for a few months.  I'm doing good with daggers carved with protection marks."

"Wonderful," the lawyer agreed.

"I'm going further.  It's how I can help out without having to hunt right now."

"Even better."  He went to look.  Faith appeared on the back porch.  The boy was back to rubbing his forehead.  "Slayer Faith."

"What's up?"

The lawyer called down the will to go over it with her.  They hadn't been able to get near her in Cleveland.  Someone had messed up by not spotting she had left.

***

Xander walked into the office in LA, like the letter had ordered him to.  It was only a week since the lawyer had laundered that money for him and Faith.  He smiled at the receptionist, handing it to her.  "I was annoyingly summoned?"

"You were, sir.  Let me get that agent for you."  She called him.  He came out a few minutes later.  "Him, sir?"

"You're younger than I expected, Mr. Harris.  Agent Don Epps."  He held out a hand.

"Xander Harris.  Why did you need me?"

"We had some questions about your town.  Which you were noted as being in the middle of."

"Oh, that stuff."  He followed him to an interrogation room, sitting down and pulling off his windbreaker.  He put three books on the table.  "Which year did you want to talk about?"

"First, how were you involved?"

"Turn off the tape or video recorder."  The agent glared.  He stared back.  "I have no doubt we're going to get into a classified situation."  The video camera was turned off.  Xander pulled out something else, putting it on the table and turning it on.  "Jammer."  He smiled.  "Which year?"

"How were you involved and didn't our security find that?"

"No, Willow made it."  The agent glared.  He stared back.  "Not like everything she does is electrical."

"So, you were ...what?  Beyond involved."

"It depends on which event and who you ask, also when you ask.  There were a few times the girls decided all I was good for was donut patrol.  Even though I saved them a few times."

"I see."  He considered it.  "There's three incidences we've wondered about."

"Which?"

"Graduation?"

"The old mayor was dirty as hell, dude."  He opened his journal, handing it over.  "The reason behind graduation.  Some of you guys removed his remains and you still didn't even wonder."

"A few of them remembered doing that.  That's why we're asking now."  He skimmed that information.  "Is there any information on any of this?"

"Not unless that box he left for Faith Lehane held some.  She was told about the will recently."

"Where might she be?"

"On duty in Mexico."

"Military?"

Xander stared at him.  "What do you think Buffy Summers is, Agent Epps?"

"Some sort of super soldier."  He handed back the book.

"Chosen as one of a long, historical line of mystical soldiers.  It's what made her faster, better, and occasionally ruins her clothes and hair according to her."

"I see.  She had a charge laid that she burned down a gym due to vampires."

Xander nodded.  "As we heard it, yeah."  He stared him down.  "How do you think they fight those things?  Especially when you're overrun?"

"Do you guys have a group behind you?  Some sort of ... agency or anything?"

"There was a group in Britain, but the problem that took out Sunnydale also took most of them out.  They've reformed with the rest of my former group."

"Okay, so full agency out of the British government?"

"More secret society types.  A lot of ancient books, that they wrote, some minor reality-based research that we didn't want to know about.  A lot of them saw their chosen ones as weapons that were disposable when they broke down.  Our group ended that."

"Okay, so somehow these chosen warriors get chosen?  Bloodline?"

"I'm not really sure.  I know that none of the current ones are related except a pair of very distant cousins.  I know all the ones who're chosen have a huge mole that marks them.  I know they had some way of spotting them and missed Buffy.  That's why she had a real life.  Most of them were taken and trained.  Another thing we stopped."

"Kidnaped?"

"It might've depended on the parent.  We didn't care about them.  The only time we ran into the Council they screwed things up and pissed us off.  We were slightly sad when the First Evil's minions blew them up but most of them we could've lived without due to their narrow minded pigheadedness."

"So they were a bit biased against the girls being girls?"

"They were a bit biased against the girls being human.  They're not like that now.  Our people form the core of the new Council.  The girls are treated as girls.  They're offered a chance but not pushed beyond some warning about not taking it meaning they could be in danger."

"Mild guilt tripping but nothing too bad then," he said dryly.

"Remember what happened in LA a while back?  Those same things hunt those girls to kill them."  Epps grimaced.  "It's not their fault, it's nothing they chose to be, but they are and they have to know that it will come for them.  If they're at home, it'll come for their families.  That's why the new Council welcomes families learning how to take their own precautions.  Especially when the girls go to visit or head home after training."

"So you're training them, posting those who want to in problem areas, then letting the rest hit home if they want to?"

"From what I understand, yes."

"Okay.  How is the military involved in that?"

"They're not."

"The military was in Sunnydale last month."

"The aunts got their way and married me off to one.  My brand new husband heard there were weapons there and asked me to go back to clean it out.  I found their old armory was still full.  Plus other areas.  He works on a classified project and they came to get the rest out of there so nothing and no one could use it."

"I heard something about you and weapons."

"I do know a good bit about weapons and I'm learning how to make weapons at the moment."

"That's good to know."  He stared at him.  "There was noted military activity before?"

"They're in Homeland now.  After we had to shut them down for nearly ending the world.  They weren't particularly kind or nice and a lot of them were doing supposed research by testing living tissue samples and neat things like control chips in brains."

"You ...stopped them?"

"No, we stopped them.  Buffy fought the super warrior they were building.  We fought the rest.   There was a lot of shit going on up there, Agent Epps.  If you want to ask about that, talk to someone in Homeland."

"They told us it didn't matter."

"It probably doesn't now.   Like I said, they're in Homeland."

"Fine.  Got any names we can ask?"

"Who told you it didn't matter?"

"An Agent Graham Miller."

"Talk to him again."  He grinned at the dirty look he got.  Epps groaned, shaking his head.  "He'd know."

"I see."  He made note of that.  "Okay.  What sort of weapons did you find?"

"I'd have to ask my spouse for the inventory.  I wasn't keeping track.  It took us a little over a week."  He thought at Tony, getting a groan.  He said Epps was trustworthy a minute later.  John told him it didn't matter.  Xander put in that he wanted an inventory.  The room's phone rang a minute later.

"Epps," he answered.  He listened, grimacing.  "Is he bugged or something?"  He nodded once at what whoever told him.  "That's one thing we're worried about, yes.  Among other things.  Like weapons pipelines that might go through our city."  Xander took the paper to write down a few names and bars.  "And possibly if we're going to have more problems now here in LA."

Xander shrugged.  "I'm retired back to a local area and making weapons," he admitted, handing over the names.

"Could we have an inventory of anything that wasn't supposed to be there so we can correlate back to whatever pipelines we have?" Epps asked.  He nodded.  "That'll be fine. Thank you."   He hung up.  "NCIS too?"

Xander grinned.  "They worked with them about the weapons.  My spouse knows someone in the DC office."

"I guess that's understandable."  Someone walked in a bunch of papers.  "All that?"

Xander looked.  "Doesn't hold the armory."  He handed it back, grinning at the other.  "Hi."

"Hi, Charlie Epps."  He shook his hand.

"Xander Harris."

"I've heard rumors about you and a graduation."

"Could be true," he admitted.  "Depends on what they said."

"They said you led the battle."

"The one to get the civies out of the way, yes.  To give Buffy enough time to work, yes."

"They also said that the explosion was preplanned?"

"No comment."

Don Epps stared at him.  "Excuse me?"

Xander sighed and pulled out a DVD.  He knew someone would ask if they were going back to correlate issues in Sunnydale.  Which was about the only reason he could see for him to be called in now.  "The tape we confiscated off the police, who took it from a parent that had been taping the ceremony."  They took it to watch, coming back looking unhappy.  Xander had his journals back.  "So?"

"We're not going to ask about that formally, Mr. Harris."

"I'm retired to deal with a local area and learn how to make weapons."

"Good!" Don said, closing the door.  He stared at him.  "Problems out here?"

"Possible.  Usually your city is pretty calm.  They tend to hide from you normal guys.  If there's a problem it's usually handled in-house outside of the big things like Wolfram and Hart.  There was a team locally who dealt with that."

"I've talked with Connor Angel."

"Cool.  I haven't.  I was in Africa during the invasion."

"That explains why you weren't there."  He stared at the boy.  "How likely is it?"

"Ask Connor.  I barely have some old contacts in town, Agent Epps.  Like any underground contacts, they're usually bad within six months."

"I can understand that.  So ask Mr. Angel?"

"He's local and handling it from what I understand.  I'm handing up near San Fran and my local town."

"That's good to know.  Is Sunnydale going to cause more problems?"

"From what I understand, FEMA's razing what's left.  If the old hellmouth opens, yes, there'll be new activity.  Right now it's sealed off with a fence and they're keeping everyone out."

"Hellmouth?"

"There's a weak spot between dimensions or realms there.  Some are what you'd consider hell realms, and some aren't.  The thin spot was under the library."

"Was it able to be opened?"

"Many tried.  Our job was to stop them and everything that the power drew to the town."

"So wherever all those girls are probably has about as bad of problems?"

"Part of it.  They're in a city.  Also, Wilkins set up Sunnydale as a human farm for the demons to nibble on.  That's why we had such a high death rate, such crappy, on-the-take cops, and all those other problems.  He didn't want to stop it.  It gave him more power."

"Wilkins.  The mayor?"

"The only mayor we ever had until grad."

"So he was a thing too?"

"He used to be human.  He made deals to get to the point during graduation.  It took him about a century to do that.  A small deal here, a good deal there, making allies with some types of demons, letting them have the townspeople as food."  He shrugged.  "My group started back in my tenth year.  You saw a decrease in the deaths and all that."

"We did.  We wondered."

"Buffy moved to town.  Willow and I joined in.  Others helped now and then."

Don looked at him.  "Hunting former people and demons can't be healthy mentally."

Xander shook his head.  "No, it's not.  Which is why I'm retired."

"Would hunters pose a risk to others?"

"No.  Most of us only go after the bad things.  Those of us who actually hunt usually have a reason to be in the field.  One of them fucked up something in our lives."

"So you get a lot of obsessed people who want to destroy the other side."

"There's a few of those, yes."

"That can cause problems for normals."

"Most roaming hunters, which is what we're really talking about, don't make friends with normal people.  They show up to handle something going on.  Maybe use a mild scam to get information, and then handle it before fading into the shadows again."

"I've heard stories about that life from those who stepped forward."

Xander nodded.  "It's not a pretty life but most of us know that if we're not out there, then someone else will get hurt."

"What about the people they run into?"

"Some forget.  Some know to call later on if more things happen around them."

"What if they start to become the problem?"

"There's not many of us in the field.  With the old Council, there was maybe two thousand total around the world.  We're down to maybe two-thirds of that now.  If one of us becomes a problem and starts on people, we'll get them."  A file was tossed down.  He looked it over.  Then he pushed it away.  "He told me about that.  They were handling the thing that happened in the prison.  There was no easier way to do that and protect all those people."  He looked him in the eyes.  "I know that they hated that it happened.  I also know that the agent after them got it explained to him before something else got him."

"So they lied and confessed to crimes they didn't commit to get inside the prison?"

"From what I was told, yes."

"You know them?"

"Their father helped save my life when Willow's magic addiction got to her and she nearly killed me.  And everyone else on the planet."  Don shuddered.  "She got stopped, which is how I got hurt, and helped with her grief and addiction.  Like I said, we handle our own problems in-house, Agent Epps.  No, their plan wasn't the best but I don't think they had much of a choice.  If they had went to someone they'd be locked in a whole different place."

"Yes they would have," he admitted.  "Can you ask them for a full account of what happened?  Including whatever that agent knew?"

"I can talk to them later on."

"Not sooner?"

"No.  Because I don't want you guys to trace it."  He grinned.  "Most of us have a healthy paranoia for people with your job and similar jobs, Agent Epps.  After the Initiative, most of us don't like the military all that much either.  I'll trust you guys enough to let you tell me what you want to know and to make yourselves plain on intent, but I'd never give you anyone else.  I'm not going to risk anyone else that way.  And frankly, the life is hard enough without you guys breathing down our necks.  It's not like they make money doing this job.  Like I said, we don't do this because we get joy from it.  We do it because we need to do it so no one else has to go through what we went through.  To protect the normal people like your brother and you."

"I get that.  I know agents like that.  They often end up dying."

"No one said that hunting was easy on a body.  We have more injuries weekly than you do hopefully a year.  We get banged into things, clawed, stabbed, gooed on, bled on, and everything else that the demons or spirits can throw at us.  One of them told me he got a very nice armoire entertainment center thrown at him by a poltergeist.  With the electronics still inside.  He was against a wall."

"Ow," Don muttered.

"Exactly.  Demons fight back when you fight them and most of them don't use guns.  They have claws and sometimes swords and things."

"So you don't use guns?"

"Depends on what you're hunting.  Our team?  No.  Some of the roaming hunters?  Yeah.  They know how to use rock salt to help against spirits.  I'm told shotgun shells filled with it are very helpful."

Don shuddered.  "Okay.  Where are the current problem areas?"

Xander stared at him.  "I'm told if you don't already know, ask Connor."

"You're ...telepathic?"

"No, Willow's scrying and has my husband on the phone, he's telling me."

"He's telepathic?"

"Not exactly.  It's what the aunts did to marry us."

"I don't want to know, do I?"

"Probably not."

"Okay.  So is Sunnydale going to become a problem?"

"It should not be one.  The new Council has ways of monitoring it for intrusion.  We won't lie, power like that is like radiation in some ways.  That's why everything that came out of Sunnydale had to take some time before being handed over.  That way the energy could dissipate.  The town's lands itself have been soaked for over a century."

"So if we leave the dirt there it'd be safer?"

"I doubt anything normal would be able to do anything with the energy."  He looked up.  "Willow, ask Sam C?"  He got a note from John a few minutes later.  "I'm told that they can't harness the energy.  It's like a natural stream of energy that's flowing.  They can't create a way to harvest it, dam it, or anything like that.  I know mystically, you can soak up natural energies to help with spell work but I can't do that so I have no idea how."

"So no one normal."

"Not all sorcerers are good and not all are bad," he cautioned.  "Some of them can be really annoying too."  He grinned.  "I've got some very helpful memories from a possession a chaos sorcerer caused."

"How many of those are there?"

"Powerful ones?  Probably a few hundred.  All around the world?  I don't know.  I'm not sure if anyone would.  That's something to ask someone in the Council.  Which again, ask Connor to get someone out here."  A note hit his mind.  "Or Willow will be here in about an hour."

"She's coming to rescue you?"

"No, she's coming to answer the pesky questions that I can't."

"That'll work too," he decided.  "Do things like the invasion happen all the time?"

"Invasions, no.  Apocalypse attempts?  Depends on where you live and who's there.  Wolfram and Hart have mostly been stopped.  From what I'm told they were your major evil player in town.  That's something to ask Connor.  Where they are?  It'll happen a few times a year.  Spring especially."

"Spring?"

"It seems the worst ones come in the spring."  He shrugged.  "I don't know why."

"I'll talk to them later then," he decided.  His head was starting to hurt.  The kid apparently realized it, he handed him a small bottle of tylenol.  "Thanks, kid," he said with a smirk.

"It should give you a headache, Agent Epps; you're a normal guy who never had to deal with it before.  Usually new people dealing with this either spend a few days in denial or they're just validating what they saw before.  A lot of them spend it in denial with a bottle in each hand."

"Could some demons be unclaimed John and Jane Does?"

"Yes.  Some do look human or have human forms.  Most of them wouldn't revert if they died human.   I'm also told by other hunters that sometimes you can't save the people who were possessed.  The demon that had them killed them or their hearts gave out during the exorcism."

"I guess that might make sense.  Why do it then?"

"Because the people trapped inside might be more horrified if we didn't.  And they're usually doing bad things that they wouldn't normally do.  Demons like to pick the most pure person they can.  It gives them a perverse pleasure."

"So nuns?"

"Not usually.  Those sort are annoyed by holy things usually.  But college coeds who have no idea about things worse than puppies being muddy.  Boys on spring break.  There's been a good bunch of possessions during spring break because you're not exactly paying attention to what's going on when you're that drunk and partying for a week.  There's hunters who lurk there every year."

"I guess that makes sense."

Xander nodded.  "It's fun to watch too."

"I guess that could be."  He shook his head quickly, taking one of the tylenol.  "So, what are you doing now?"

"Learning how to make weapons.  I'm working on swords, knives, those things at the moment.  Decorating pieces that're already around."

"So helping but not involved."

"If there's something going on in my area, I handle it," he assured him.  "A lot of hunters retire that way.  We're too sore to travel and hunt the old way so we settle down.  Or some hunters do have full-time jobs and hunt as a sideline because they need to be in one place.  Or can't handle the lifestyle."

"It would be hard," Don agreed.  "Always traveling.  Banged up a lot."

"Paranoid most of the time," Xander added.

"I would be too."

"They know that anyone could be out to get them for it.  From you guys to possessed people to those who can change shape."

"Is that highly likely?"

"Depends on where you are.  My tenth grade year we had one move into town, take out our biology teacher so she could take his place.  She wanted virgins to fertilize her eggs.  She was a giant preying mantis."

"Eww."

"Yeah, and I was way too geeky back then to get a date."

"She's...."

"Dead."

"Thank you."

"Thank Buffy."

"I can do that."  He shifted and cleared his throat.  "This military thing?"

"Not my thing.  I helped end it; talk to Graham Miller."

"He's not very informative."

"I have the feeling that the government is highly embarrassed about it.  They were caught torturing and killing sentient species without finding out if they were good, bad, or adult.  A special ops project got taken down by civies and one of their own that turned when he realized they were douches.  If I had been the military, I'd have kicked my own ass for years about that."

"That's why they're in Homeland?" Don asked.

"They were hunting for the UN.  Homeland apparently needed them more.  Demons do have spies in their offices to make sure that they're not going to go that way again.  Then the council has a feed back from that source."

"That's good to know.  There's intelligence networks among them?"

"There's an underground.  I don't think they have their own version of the CIA.  Though, there's a lot of demon dimensions and realms out there.  Some of them might."  He shrugged.  "I have no clue about that.  I know about the underground, the kitten poker circuit.  That information highway."

"Kitten poker?"

"Yeah."  Xander grinned.  "You didn't hear about kitten poker?"

"Kitten looking demons playing poker?" Don asked hopefully.

"Kitties being the poker chips, played by a great many demons sort of poker."

Don shuddered, gathering up his papers.  "That's ...disgusting."

"They say they taste best."  He shrugged.  "I don't know.  I do play a mean hand, or I did before, but we went to them to get information from some helpful demons."

"So there's good ones?"

"There's ones that just...exist.  They're not bad.  Like boys, they just exist."

"How do you tell the difference?"

"Among the new Council and the old Sunnydale crew?  We took out the hunters and those causing problems.  Roaming hunters hear about problems and handle it.  Some of them would take out any that they run into, peaceful or not, but not all of them."

"That's a good thing."

Xander nodded.  "We like it better.  We're like a quiet paramilitary force that has to work in absolute secret most of the time.  We're disavowed if we're caught.  We make crap wages and no hazard pay.  We have to be able to infiltrate at times or blend in fully with the normal people to handle things while they don't realize it."

"Weapons?"

"Depends on what you're handling and where.  Some of the slayers hate weapons."

"Slayers?"

"Girls like Buffy.  The old Council named them that back in cavemen days.  Hunters are just hunters.  Slayers are the mystically chosen females warriors."

"I saw many of them out here during the invasion."

"It used to be one at a time.  That's my fault.  I did CPR.  That made two.  Then Willow had to activate the others to handle the problem that took out Sunnydale.  I spent my time in Africa helping the ones over there that didn't want to come over for training."

"Interesting.  Demons are pretty much world wide?"

"Yes.  As a matter of fact, one of the things we handled over there was a Native American demon who went to visit a distant cousin to help them take over the area we were setting the slayer up in."

Don grimaced.  "That doesn't sound...decent of it."

"It missed the old days when it had an area it controlled.  A lot of higher demons do.  That's why they try to create an apocalypse."  Xander rubbed his forehead.  Magic was going on somewhere nearby and he was pretty sure of the reason.

"That's understandable I guess."  Someone knocked and a young redheaded woman was let in.  "Ma'am."

She smiled and held out a hand.  "Willow Rosenburg."

"Agent Epps.  Please, sit.  The local office has a lot of questions that we need answers to so we can help protect this city and others."

"Of course you do.  We do offer information whenever someone asks us."  She sat down after giving Xander a short hug.  "How's the headache stuff?"

"They're still being set off by magic but I can hold it off better."

"That's good.  I saw Cordelia.  She came to nag.  That way she could take a break."

"I'm guessing she and the other one have a lot of work to do."

"Yeah, I guess they do."  She looked at Don Epps then back at Xander.  "She reported some strange, foreign demon and so did you."

He nodded.  "I made a more full report after dealing with it with her."

"I never saw that one. I should look it up.  I've never seen them migrating."

"It missed the old days."

"Ah."  She nodded.  "So do I.  I remember being cute and shy."

"Yeah, I remember you that way too," he said with a smirk.  She pinched him.  "Not like I was shy."

"No, you never were."  She smiled at Don.  "So, what can we tell you to help you protect your city?"

"First, where is this new Council?"

"Cleveland."

He shuddered.  "I nearly got transferred there."

"There's a few people in our local office who know.  We've talked with them when they figured out something was going on."

"That's good.  We wish they had told the rest of us."

"Most people want to deny or ignore," she reminded him.

"Yes but if they're doing things like running weapons, I need to know."

She beamed.  "Which is why you're talking to us now.  We understand.  I don't know if there's a current weapons pipeline in the city.  I don't really like weapons.  Buffy only likes the sharp and pointy stuff."

"Henrich is still working in the city.  I caught one of his people in my city and he ran from me so I caught him and asked.  He wasn't happy."

"I doubt he would be.  Is he the demon that greets by blowing snot?"

"No, that's his toady.  He's the one in the pink suit."

"Oh, him!" she said with a nod and a grin.  "He's almost decent for being an arms dealer."

"He's very nice and helping run some to a few realmal wars."

"I guess that's a good idea.  Someone's got to before they keep going and spill over here."  She grinned at him.  "It's a lot better that you're not with us."

He raised an eyebrow.  "I'm sure it is for all of us."  She winced and shifted some.  "Beyond that, I'm sure we could handle it.  I'm not the only one that was born in Sunnydale."

"No, you're not," she agreed.  "I don't know why you sucked up so much more hellmouth energy than everyone else."

He shrugged.  "It loves me."  He looked at Don again, seeing the uneasy look.  He smiled.  "Long term argument."

"If you say so, kids.  Just the one demon arms dealer?"

"No, there's a few demon stores that sell weapons, a few who procure for collectors, some who specialize in very strange and unusual items.  What you're looking for depends on who you go see and how much money you have.  Heinrich is a nice guy who doesn't usually deal to earth-living demons.  Now and then he'll need something and makes a deal to get it.  Mostly he deals with weapons people off-realm who're having needs for things like wars.  I know he won't sell to most humans unless they're known hunters and then they'd have to have a demon introduce them.  Spike introduced me."

"That's interesting.  So he's more neutral and someone we might be able to get information from but he's not doing anything wrong here."

"He might be a funnel and a reason why some arms seem to disappear from the world," Willow said.  "Guys like him deal with the people elsewhere.  We don't have to worry about them unless we need something desperately.  Then we usually end up paying double."

"Depending on who asks," Xander admitted with a smirk.  He shifted, crossing his feet.  "Those sort of issues in town, Connor's team is here to handle.  That's why Angel moved to LA.  He formed his own team and all that to handle the problems here."

"Now they've got Connor doing that and a few other areas have their own teams formed by some slayers," Willow agreed.  "Miami's got two slayers in residence at the college and have a few down there to help her.  They're older hunters so they get some parental nagging but also some heavier backup.  Then the older guys go up to watch spring break and do a lot of exorcisms.  We're slowly setting up city houses in spots that need us."

"The ones at Lake Mead last year did seven or nine in three weeks," Xander added.

"It sounds like you guys have it mostly well in hand except for smaller areas that'd have to count on roaming hunters."  They both nodded.  "Then why do we hear about it?"

"It's really hard to hide an apocalypse," Xander pointed out.

"I guess that makes sense.  How were they hidden before?"

"Huge denial problem," Willow told him.

"Can you maybe let us know if we're going to have one out here?  That way we can be better prepared?  Last time, Agent DiNozzo told us that there was a rumored attack on the city coming around that date.  Not that we'd have half the city disrupted by rampaging demons."

"Tony said you wouldn't have believed him if he had told you the truth," Xander said.

"There's days I don't want to believe it happened now," Don admitted.

"Ye olde denial issue," Willow said with a grin.

"Fine.  Go."

They walked out together.  "Boy, what was that you're carrying?" another agent demanded, getting in their way.  "You're not going anywhere.  You brought harmful materials into the federal building."

"It's a bug jammer," Xander said dryly.  "We were going to have to talk about classified things and I doubt I want to see my friend's ex over it."

"There's no way.  Our machines would've picked it up."

"It's not electronic."

"Really?  Then what is it?"

"It's mostly," Willow started.

"I'm asking him, girl."

"Well, tough noogies since I'm the one that made it, Mister Scowly.  Now back the heck off before I make you a pet for the agents who really do the job to take some stress relief out on."  He stepped back at that.  "I know someone didn't raise you right since you seem to think that women can't do things like tinker with electronics and be science oriented but welcome to the real world.  We're smarter than you because we can figure out how to pee sitting down without getting it all over the bathroom!"  She followed him backing away from her.  "How dare you try to make Xander miserable!"

"Yeah, that's her job," Xander said dryly.  "Dude, I'd so run.  Just save yourself."  His phone rang and he answered it.  "Yuppers.  Hey.  No, I'm in LA but I can be home in about a half hour.  I bought a return ticket.  I can do that.  Yeah, that note was in case someone stopped by.  They did ask but I said I'd ask the people involved later so they could tell Agent Epps what happened.  Sure, hour at the most.  Willow's about to blip out of her mind and change an agent into a pet.  Soon.  Make sure I have a soda waiting?  Thanks, man."  He hung up.  "They'll get it to the people in question, Agent Epps, and they'll find a way to send it to you anonymously."  He walked over and grabbed Willow's arm, walking her off.  "You'll get in trouble if you can't change him back."

"She'd get in trouble if she changed him at all," Epps said dryly.

"I'm in good control of my magic," Willow pouted.

Both men knew not to argue.  She'd turn them into something too.  Then Xander would never quit having visions and John and/or Tony would have to take up bestiality, which they'd probably hate.  The remark he got back from Tony along with the head swat from John proved him right.  "Hey, Willow, Tony said Buffy needs some buddy advice.  Something about dating another idiot?"

"He's not that bad," she said impatiently.  He stared at her.  "Better than Riley and Angel."

"I heard something about that Immortal guy in the underground.  They said Spike was better at everything and less evil.  So yeah, her type."

"Crap."  She disappeared.

Xander looked at the very stupid agent, ignoring the new headache.  "Next time, don't piss off a witch.  I can't reverse that shit."  He walked off shaking his head.  His phone rang and it came up Giles.  "It's me.  Talk to Connor.  He's the one who heard that the guy was beyond asshole levels and more evil than Spike ever was.  Yeah, basically.  Have fun with that by the way.  No, she was about to turn an agent into petting stress relief for the other agents because he tried to get me on having her bug jammer, discounted her totally.  It was a pouting, PMS, liberated Willow days apparently.  Thanks, Giles.  Yup, solved."

He hung up and hurried off before the day got any weirder.  John's quip that he should be used to that got a smartass remark back from Tony that John did stranger stuff than Xander did.  So John was pouting.  Xander sent a virtual puppy lick and John snorted, going quiet again.  Tony too.  Xander went to the demon bar and used their portals to get back to the one nearer to home.  He waved at the bartender.  "Willow was there."  They all shuddered.  "Buffy's dating again too."  That got a moan and some kittens exchanged hands.

"You guys betting on it?"  They all nodded.  "His name's 'the immortal'.  Not sure if he's a Highlander refugee or if he's just that big of an idiot to advertise that way.  Willow wanted to know though."  He smirked.  "That way she can best friend Buffy and break the news to her that she's dating someone who makes Satan sound like a kitten wrangler."  They laughed and a few did email the Council's public address.  That way the slayers would all know.  Xander found his car outside and drove home, parking and getting out to look at Sam.  "It's been a weird ass day.  Soda?"

"Two chilling," he said with a grin of his own.  "That bad?"

"Buffy's dating.  Willow's on a liberated girl kick against an agent.  Yeah."  Xander grabbed his head and nearly hit the floor, moaning in pain as the vision hit him.  "I thought I was through with those."  Sam helped him sit down without falling.

"Oops!  I didn't think you had them anymore," Willow complained.

"Freeze," Dean ordered.  "That would be more magic and set off something worse, Rosenburg.  Those are already causing brain changes in him."  She backed off.  "Now, why show up?"

"To thank him for getting some demons to tell us about Buffy's new boyfriend."

"He's like Satan as a kitten wrangler," Xander moaned.  Sam helped him sit up and calmed him down by rubbing his shoulders.  He blinked a few times, wiping off the tears.  "Okay, I'm going to be blunt.  Willow, why aren't you in Devon?"  She glared.  He stared back.  "Blue thing?  Tiger?  Sounding familiar or should I go on?"  She blushed, looking down.  "I'd head.  Tonight.  Get the witches in Cleveland to clean up that interrealm mess you helped create and go.  Now.  Just do it from the road please."  She sighed, going to the edge of the driveway to head off.  Xander looked at Sam, whispering in his ear.  He nodded, going to call Buffy.  Xander leaned against the edge of the couch.  "Where's my dog?"

"Hiding under your bed.  She saw Sammy and ran for it," Dean admitted.  "I think she peed somewhere."

"Probably in the bathroom.  It took longer than I thought.  The FBI does want to know what was going on with the prison thing."

"I'll have Sammy email them the whole thing and what the agent knew.  You good?"

"Fuck no.  Whistler's pissed as hell at her.  That's the last image I got."  They shared a look.  "She opened up a realm portal by accident."

"Demons?"

"Nope."

"Shit."

"Yup."  His cellphone rang.  Xander blinked at it then answered it.  "What?  I just had a brain ripping vision thanks to Willow blipping in, Dawn.  I don't exactly feel charitable.  No, I want her in Devon and the witches you guys have to fix that realm portal she opened up last night by accident trying out that new spell in the park."  She babbled something.  "I'm sorry but my head's throbbing and I don't care, Dawn.  The last image I got was Whistler looking pissed as hell suggesting she be in Devon yesterday."  He hung up and tossed Dean his phone.  "Here, you talk to girls for a bit.  They like you."

"Most of them do," he agreed dryly.  He called Dawn back.  "He's sorry, Dawn, but he's literally ready to cry from the migraine.  Yeah, that's what he said. Sammy's talking to someone."  He grinned.  "Sure, we can fuss and help the dog fuss.  You behave and be careful.  Xander, what came out?"

"Two blue people who freaked out and committed suicide."

Dean repeated that, nodding at what she said.  "Good deal.  Have fun with that."  He hung up.  "She'll help her pack.  You okay?  Need meds?"  Xander's phone rang.  "Xander's phone.  Yeah, I can get that for him, Tony."  He hung up and went to get the medicine Tony had ordered him to shove down Xander's throat.  It'd help apparently.  Sam hung up.  "They good?"

"Buffy's freaking out.  I heard what Dawn told her."

"Yeah, well, the new Powers are apparently pissed."  He found the bottle.  "Daddy's home, Muffin."  She ran out to love on him.  Dean brought out the bottle, Sam got him a soda, and they watched him settle in to nap off the vision.  They'd get him in touch with Bobby later on.  After he slept it off.  Then they'd get help to get to Cleveland once their business was done since it sounded like Willow had called too many things there.

***

Tony leaned back, rubbing his forehead, closing his eyes.  "No," he moaned, shuddering.  "I'm going to kill her."  He listened to what Xander was saying and doing, calling the poor guy's cellphone once Dean was done talking to whoever.  "The medicine he needs is in the cabinet over the first sink in the main bathroom.  It's the same stuff Sam takes.  He takes two even if he says he only takes one.  Force it if you have to.  Let him nap it off."  He hung up and looked at his the people staring at him.  "Boss, Rosenburg *really* needs to be back in Devon last week."

"Again?" he demanded.

"She popped in to visit after the FBI interview earlier with Epps.  She nearly set one off showing up there but she appeared outside the room."  Gibbs moaned.  "Let's just say that Cordelia and her friend aren't very happy with her.  Something about a portal, people coming through, and being so horrified they offed themselves immediately upon seeing Cleveland."

Gibbs muttered something in Russian.  "Where is she?"

"Home.  They're encouraging her to go."

Gibbs called Cleveland.  "Rupert Giles please."  He made himself relax.  "Rupert Giles, Jethro Gibbs, Tony's supervising agent.  Not only did she set off a vision, it was about her opening a portal that got two beings killed by their own hand when they appeared in your city.  Yes, I do believe he's told others."

"Yeah, he told her since she was there.  Dean called someone," Tony said, rubbing his temples.  They were getting easier to take.  He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

Gibbs smirked.  "He told her he knows; Dean Winchester called someone to let them know.  Yes, I think it'd be a good idea.  Because her reckless actions caused my agent to have another one as well," he said dryly. "Thankfully we're in the office instead of in the field where it could've gotten him killed.  With the way things happened with him and your former protégé....."  Giles shuddered.  "Exactly, Mr. Giles.  Do have fun with her."  He hung up.  "He'll make sure she's on a plane by tonight."

"Thank God."  He looked at McGee.  "Do you have my medicine bottle for the lighter stuff?"  He dug it out and tossed it over.  "Thanks.  Thought I left it over there last time."  He took one with his cold coffee and got back to work.  He wouldn't need a nap with this stuff but it killed most of the pain.  He suddenly laughed.  "John wants to beam to where she is, smack her around, then go back to work."

"If they let him, have fun," McGee complained.  "What was she doing?"

"No clue.  She didn't have one either," Tony said dryly.  "Which is why she screwed up and there's an open portal in Cleveland."

"Should I call him back?" Gibbs asked.

"Dean told them."

"Good!  Any other revelations?"

"Yeah, the director's going to be kidnaped soon.  Yay us.  Ziva, don't kill the person we need to get her back by neck jabbing him, no matter how irritating he is in the elevator."  She gasped, staring at him.  He stared back then got back to work.  "I don't want to do a cheezy knock-off of Bernie."

Gibbs shook his head quickly.  "I don't want to see that happen either.  When?"

"Dinner at a hotel."

"Which one?" McGee asked.  "She does that a lot," he defended when Gibbs glared at him.

Tony shrugged.  "She was wearing a suit.  It wasn't business and not purely pleasure.  She had her driver but he died."  Gibbs went to tell her.  Tony finished up what he was doing then went to get a soda from the machine.  Caffeine did help his headaches a lot.  That proved he was going to turn into Xander soon.

***

John looked up, holding in his moan of pain.  Nothing in this one felt like it was coming his way other than the pain.

"Again?" Ronon asked quietly.

"Shh."  He let it pass by then looked at him.  "Willow showed up in that special way, setting one off.  Dean and Sam are with him."  He considered it.  "Think they'd let me beam to where she is, kick her ass, then come back?"

"Probably not," Ronon admitted.  "You should be seen."

"I'm fine.  No pain from it really.  Just a bit of a headache.  Xander's getting his medicine too."  He grimaced.  "Willow's an ongoing problem."  He walked off, going to talk to their base shrink.  "How bad is it to want to kill a magic addict for screwing up?"

"On purpose?"

"She was testing a hypothesis and created a very bad issue."

"She should be taken care of by her own kind.  What did she do?"  She looked him over.  "I heard those were over with."

"They're set off by magic and she appeared.  Teleported from Cleveland into the same room he was in."

"I'm sorry.  Is he all right?"  John nodded.  "Get her help, John.  Maybe they'll take it from her or something."

"She's being forced back to the same people who helped her last time.  If she can't learn I'm not sure what they'll do but I know Xander will be upset."

"That's fortunately not a fight you have to take part in," she said gently.  "All you have to do is cushion your husband so he doesn't grieve too hard."

John nodded at that wisdom.  "I still wanna smack her around."

"I'm sure someone will for you.  If not, maybe the dog will bite her."  John walked off smirking at that thought.  Tony enjoyed it too.  Xander was snoring mentally, which was somewhat cute, he had to admit that.

Woolsey spotted John and glared.  "Hit the infirmary."

"It's a mild headache.  Nothing major."

"I thought they were solved."

"We were seeing how things had went when Rosenburg suddenly appeared."  Woolsey moaned.  "Since it was about her magic addiction...."  He kept walking, shaking his head.  Woolsey could mind his own business for once.  He sent a suggestion at Tony to give him ideas about the anger problem.  Half of it seemed to be boredom from what he had seen.  Tony sent back something so he emailed Sam Carter.  She had the best handle on what Atlantis needed.  She'd get back with him soon.  Who knew where in the universe she was at the moment.  His email beeped ten minutes later, making him smile.  "That's good news."  He tapped his comm.  "McKay, come to my office."  He let it go and read over the list of projects that were overloading the main base.  Rodney grimaced as he walked in.  "Sam finally got you things that're overloading their base."  He let him have the screen.

Rodney looked it over.  "Half of those we're already working on.  I'll have people liaison to see if we're further ahead.  Thank you."

"I got warned there's some resentment and anger going on," he warned.

"For you making them do PT," he agreed dryly, walking off.

John considered it.  "That's not a bad idea."  He called the team commanders to his office, looking at them.  "I got warned that we're feeling some resentment on base."

"Are you psychic now?" one demanded.

"The JAG officer who came out was a demon," another said, staring at John.

"He is empathic as well.  He's also got the highest security level on this coast."  They all grimaced.  "He said there's a lot of anger and resentment on base."  They all nodded at that.  "So, let's work to figure it out.  Sam Carter just sent things for the scientists to work on so they're not blowing things up.  I was thinking team skill training maybe?  Maybe some team retraining," he said, looking at one leader, who just smirked.

One nodded.  "That could help.  Is there any chance of our guys to go back to the main base to join other teams?"

"There might be.  I'll send a letter to Landry with all the suggestions so we can get the materials we'll need.  What skills do we need?  So even if we do get recalled to the main base, we're ready to step into a team and do the work."

"Some language skills might help," one suggested.  "Some strategy work too.  Work on the field quiet commands.  Half of the people don't know hand code in a stalking or assault situation.  We need to go over those basics no matter where they end up."  The others nodded at that.  John was making notes.  "Also, could we maybe get some new off-time entertainment?  The one guy with the gameboy is hoarding it."

John started a separate list.  "Some game system and games, maybe things that'll help with strategy or endurance work?"  They all smirked at that.  "Hey, five hours of DDR and I'll count it as two hours of PT."  They all snickered.  John just smirked back.  "Board games?"  They nodded.  "New books too I think.  Okay, I'll send that list on.  I'll post up a list to see what games we want to get.  Maybe two or three systems so there's no fighting over it."  He looked at them.  "What about duty related things?"

"There's a whole bunch of war games."

"Some of my guys would rather have something to divert their memories," another one said.

"We can do both of them," John said.  "If we have to I'll borrow one."  He noticed the grins.  "I can."  He went back to his list.  "Any specific languages?"

"With the current wars, we could use some arabic," one said.  John nodded.  "We could use a general education system anyway, Sheppard.  Some people will want to get a degree since we're closer and able to get the stuff to the teachers.  Also, some of the resentment is guys who have families."

"Landry knows there's guys who have families.  We're working on how to get them more time without slighting the other guys.  None of us want kids on Atlantis in case something tragic happens."

"I can see that," that one agreed.  "But some guys have sweethearts and things."

"As Landry said, if they can sign on, have them sign on.  If not, he's working on it.  He knows it's hard.  I don't know but I'll make that note to him."  He added it to his list, then looked at them.  "I think most of them would rather commute at the moment but I'm not sure how we'd do that.  Or even if their families would move this way to do that.  Remember, we've got a lot of international people here.  Some might not be able to move to the US to be with them."

"Would you be one who wanted to commute?"

"Nope.  I'm not ready to live with anyone, guys.  Their morning routines don't click with mine and Xander working on his forge can drive you nuts."

"I imagine the constant banging can drive you nuts," one agreed.

John nodded.  "I have nothing to do at his house.  I'd need to import more things to do.  That and I'm not a nine-to-five guy."

"We can all see that.  You having a bouncy, hyper spouse against your will has really bothered you," one agreed.  John shrugged at that.  "Can't you make him go have more wild times?"

"We can.  Right now he's not sure he wants to.  He hunted since he was sixteen, guys.  He's having that special 'what the hell am I doing' time we've all had."  They all nodded or shifted.  "I do try but most of the time he's not against it.  He just never does it."  He leaned back.  "What else can we do to help the guys be more content?"

"Give them more city leave," one said.  "There's a difference when you can't find a hooker or a girl to date because you're surrounded by aliens and being next to one of the most sexed up cities ever."

John nodded, adding that to the list.  "I know it could help.  Within three hours' travel?"  They all nodded that'd be fair.  It'd get those who wanted a woods trip a few different places.  "Day passes?"

"That would work," one of the older ones agreed.  "The main base has Colorado Springs and the national forest if they need to get out.  We're stuck out here."

Woolsey leaned in.  "Why are there Area 51 people who're sending me requests for meetings?"

"No clue.  Sam Carter sent over their list of current projects for the science squad."

"That's good!  What's this meeting for?"

"The JAG officer noticed a lot of resentment and anger.  We're finding ways of making people happier and give them something to do."

"Thank you.  There's been a lot of boredom that I've seen."  He walked off, going to call her.  Her home phone had an answering machine so he left a short message.  He called the base.  "Is Captain Carter there?  It's Woolsey," he told Landry's secretary.  "Thank you and tell him he's getting a list of suggestions later from Sheppard please."  He got transferred over.  "Captain, Woolsey.  Area 51 people want to come visit.  I can do that."  He forwarded the email to her, listening to her look for it.  It popped up and she read it, growling some.  "I'll let you handle that," he said quickly, hanging up.  He hadn't realized how scary she could be.  He guessed her time in the Pegasus galaxy had been bad for her temper.  It had been for his.

***

Landry looked at his email, frowning.  "What now?" he complained.  Having Atlantis off the coast was annoyingly causing a lot of problems.  He read it over.  The reason was a good one.  He had things to help with that.  Mostly.  He didn't have a lot for the language lessons on hand but he knew who to talk to.  He called the Pentagon liaison's office.  "Major Davis, General Landry.  The boys and girls on Atlantis are getting bored.  They did send a suggested list, I'm faxing it to you," he said, turning to do that.

"Some of it's not exactly orthodox.  You can use a gaming system as training?  Really?"  He listened to the current programs using it.  "That's fine, whatever you can get for them.  They're getting to the point of anger."  He nodded.  "I'm looking into that.  I'm not sure how we'd do it right now.  If we'd do housing in the city or not.  I do need suggestions on that.  Please do.  Thank you."  He hung up and relaxed, sending one back to Sheppard that Davis was working on the list and he was working on the situation for possible city-living and commuting.   John Sheppard sent back a virtual hug.  Or someone did from his account.  Could've been that goofy husband of his or Xander.

***

Landry got the suggestions from Davis, smiling at it.  That may just work.  The military had once upon a time bought a building out there to house families off-base.  It wasn't much but it'd house about ten small families.  The Coast Guard had originally used it.  They'd send someone to check it over this week.  He sent that to Woolsey, who was happy.  The camera he activated showed him nearly dancing.  "Ants?" he guessed, scaring him.

"Fire ants.  Somehow a few made it into the ventilation system.  We've gotten most of them but we've got a few left.  Two were in my seat.  General, is there a new problem?"

"There's a building the local Cost Guard unit bought once for off-base housing.  Someone's going to check it over later this week.  It should comfortably fit about ten smaller families.  I'm not sure.  Or we have the option of moving this to Alameda, which is a bit farther away but there's an older, closed building down that way we can borrow that would have more room."

"How much more room?"

"Maybe for fifteen to twenty they think.  That'll be checked out too."

"That would solve a good portion of the problems."

"Do you need to remove base personnel to fix that problem?" he asked when he slapped at an ant on his desk.  So maybe he hadn't been too happy.  "Where does Harris live?"

"Um, no clue.  Sheppard?" he bellowed.  "He's out in the main lobby dealing with two people who were fighting."  John walked into view.  "Where does your...spouse live?"

"Just past Alameda.  About thirty minutes away if traffic is kind.  Why?"

"Two options to move families off base, Colonel.  One's in Alameda, one's in the city itself."

"The city would be a safer and easier option, sir."

"It's the smaller one."

"Oh."  He winced.  "Someone's going to complain."  The general smiled.  "Did you get mine?"

"Yes.  Major Davis is starting that buying spree.  Do you need to evacuate so you can be sprayed?"

"Spraying we could use but Radek's coming up with something, sir.  Rodney's locked himself in a lab looking over something odd that Carter said came from a world where they used magic to enhance weapons."

"Wonderful," he said dryly.  "I hate that world.  I almost considered sending Rosenburg there thanks to some of her last few things."

"She's in Devon," John said simply.  The general stared at him.  "She popped in the day the FBI wanted to ask Xander questions about Sunnydale.  Thankfully I didn't get any bleedover outside of a small headache.  Tony got to talk to Cleveland."

"Maybe she'll stay there."

"Someone would have to staff a house in England," John said dryly, cracking the general up.  "Oh, I got a head's up.  Someone is going to ask Mitchell and Carter if they would like to work with the slayers."

"I'll let them know the offer may be coming," he said.  "I'm not sure if they'd agree."

"They need good watchers, sir.  People who can handle it when the girls are being girls and when they need to be slayers, plus to handle weapons, house parent duties, that stuff."

"They probably could but I'm guessing that sort of job is very wearing on you."  John nodded.  "I'll let them know."  He saw another bug be slapped at.  "Let me see if we have anything for them.  Fire ants are dangerous.  Any other infestations?"

"Mosquitos," they said in unison.

"I'll talk to our maintenance people.  Give me a few days to work on the rest, people."  He hung up and went to find their head of maintenance.  He was in his office thankfully.  The man hopped up to salute him but he waved him back down.  "Our other project is having a few fire ants that managed to migrate somehow and a mosquito problems."

"I'll get them something mixed up today, General.  How big of an area?"

"A small city."

"I'll have a lot mixed up."

"Thank you."  He walked off, going to call Davis to see how long it'd be before their boredom busters were gathered.  Davis had most of it ready.  The rest would be in the next day.  That'd work.  Though he still wasn't sure what a DDR system was... hopefully it'd help with training or something practical.

***

Xander looked up from his spot on his bed, staring at the ceiling.  "No, there's no way that'll work," he decided.  He called Faith.  "Are you sure?"  She complained.  "Well, technically."  She started to complain louder and more vehemently.  "Want a sword?" he asked dryly.  She snorted and said something.  "You absolutely certain?  Because I don't want to be accused of taking it from you or anything.  Because you know someone will, Faith.  He did technically leave it to you."  He nodded at her reasoning.

"If you're sure.  Thanks.  No, it's bothering me.  No, one of the younger ones."  He grinned.  "If you're sure.  If not, let me know.  Not like I can go through it that fast at the moment."  She laughed and hung up, going back to tracking down some fun for her evening.  Xander flipped over, getting comfortable with the dog.  Muffin had decided to sleep with him tonight.  He felt the nudge into sleep from one of his spouses, letting it happen.  He met John on the dream realm, getting a hug.  "I don't want anyone else to tell me I'm stealing it from them."

"She's a spoiled brat, Xander."

"Yeah, but even spoiled brats can be loud enough to be heard by people like Willow."

"Willow knows you have it and why.  Quit stressing."  He stared at him, giving him a short hug.  "Which spoiled brat was it?"

"Kennedy.  Willow's girlfriend."

"Fuck her."

"Eww."

"Fine."  He gave him a kiss on the forehead, making him relax again.  "You'll be fine.  Kennedy won't do anything too stupid.  I'm sure they all know that we gave it to you since they didn't want it."  Xander shook his head.  "No?"

"No.  She had no idea.  I told her that, she accused me of lying.  This all goes back to me going to Africa.  She's one who thinks I ran."

"I'm going to kick her ass."  Xander gave him a squeeze.  "It'll be okay."  He nudged at Tony's mental spot, getting a swat back.  "I guess he's got a late case."  He looked down.  "There's talk about putting those of us with families off-base in Alameda."

Xander looked at him.  "You're annoyed whenever I'm working."

"Well, yeah.  The banging is loud."  He grinned.  "That's something we'll have to work out someday.  That and getting me things to do there so it doesn't drive me nuts."

"You can come help."

"I probably can," he agreed with a grin.  "It's doing great things to your arms."  He rubbed down a new muscle.  "We'll see."  He took another kiss.  "Sleep.  I've got you."  He sat down and let Xander curl up against his side.  They could sleep up here.

***

Tony called Buffy's cellphone.  "Buffy, Tony DiNozzo," he said, looking around the outside area he was in.  He was out to get some fresh air and wake up again.  "No, small problem.  Kennedy told Xander he had stolen that money from Faith and you guys."  He smiled at her complaining.  "Xander made sure with Faith, Buffy.  Exactly.  He thinks she's going to snap at him for going to Africa."  He laughed at her complaint.  "Exactly.  Can you handle that?  Please?  Thank you, Buffy.  No, John's making him sleep.  He wasn't thanks to worry because of her.  We do want to take care of him," he reminded her.  "We'd miss him and so would you."  He hung up, letting her handle it.  He could imagine the yelling going on out there.  Hopefully.  He went back inside to get back to work.  Things could take care of themselves for a few more hours.

***

Buffy hung up, looking across the dining hall.  "Kennedy, leave Xander alone. Permanently."

"That was Faith's," she started.

Faith strolled in.  She knew it was a problem from here when he had called to make sure it was still all right, for the sixth time.  "Listen, grumpy bitch.   Xander deserves that for putting up with all of us for years.  He had to put up with B and Red when they were teenage girls.  He had to go shopping with them.  He had to deal with them when they decided he was normal.  He deserves it and I don't need that much money.  It'll help make sure he's secure out there plus make sure his husbands don't need shit."

"He ran!" she shouted, standing up.

"No, he went to grieve in private since we wouldn't leave him alone," Buffy said.  "We all count on Xander for a lot of things.  We would've run him into the ground when we needed things.  He needed the quiet.  He did a kick ass job of training the girls over there.  There's no way he would've been able to grieve for Anya or anyone else that died while helping us set things up.  That plus what we saw when he was here, and the hellmouth reacting to him like he was its teddy bear was a bad thing.

"I don't like that Xander's still so confused but I can understand that.  He never had a chance to do the things you did as a teenager.  He was too busy helping Willow hide from bullies and then me hunt.  Too busy losing people he knew because we couldn't take all the vampires and bad demons out fast enough.  So lay off Xander.  He's not running.  He's handled a bunch of stuff out there so we wouldn't have to.  We'll never know everything he's handled because if he bragged we'd yell about it."

"Well said," Dean said from his seat.  They were in for a bit of weapons training for the younger girls.  "Xander's still hunting.  He's also the one who helped me save Sammy.   He had no reason to come to the apocalypse and fight but he did, and put himself in danger doing so because the spells going on out there caused the worst vision to date.  That night we weren't sure if we should get him to the ER or not because he wouldn't wake up."  She glared at him.  "You may not have learned to appreciate that hunters are human but they are."

"You're not...."

"I'm just as normal as Xander is, only we've had more training because our dad was a hardass about it."

Sam nodded.  "He's right, Kennedy.  All hunters are normal guys.  Every last one of us, even those who've made demonic deals in the past.  Even those of us who got demon tainted.  You girls have special gifts and a lot of skills we don't have; we still do the same job, night after night, like you guys do.  Xander had to heal a lot of emotional damage that the slayers who've actually done this for a while know about."

"The killing does get to us," Buffy agreed.

Faith nodded.  "It makes it hellishly easy to slip too," she agreed.  "No, Kennedy, I let him have it.  He deserved it."

"He made Willow go back to Devon for no reason!"

"She was casting spells without knowing what they were doing," Sam told her.  "Including one that opened a portal, sucked two people over, and made them commit suicide because they were sure she was going to sacrifice them.  That's only one of the problem spells the herb and power patrol had to cure.  She needed to be there weeks ago."

"You don't know a thing about her," she complained, glaring at Sam.

"Yeah, we kinda do," Dean admitted.  "Unfortunately we had to help clean up one of the messes.  Without slayer help because you guys were at the mall."  He stared her down.  "Willow needs the help, Kennedy.  An addiction isn't something that goes away after one treatment.  It's a lifelong problem that needs to be kept in check.  She slipped, again.  This is the third time since Sunnydale fell in."

"The witches said she was pulling hellmouth energy," Dawn said quietly.  Buffy glared at her.  So did Kennedy.  "I called to talk to them about her spell journals.  I found one hidden in the library that had dark magic in it."  She stood up.  "Kennedy, Willow has this blind spot about her magic and doing what she thinks is right and helpful, even if it's not.  The magic blinds her to what's good in a situation.  She's had this for as long as I've known her."

"She had it back in high school too," Buffy admitted.  "Black magic?"

"Dark magic.  Summoning dark magic."

"No.  I don't want that here," Buffy said.

"Xander had an idea that John liked," Sam offered.  "You guys have to set up an office in England or somewhere.  Let her head that one."

Buffy nodded.  "That's not a bad idea.  That way she's near there if something happens.  London is more chaos magic than natural magic with all the people there.  There's not a lot of power there if it's not an emergency.  If there is, there's some to draw on if she's careful."  She looked at Dean.  "The other hunters like you guys?"

"A few were ready to burn her back when she nearly ended the world," Dean admitted.  "Now they're very scared of what she'll do when she backslides.  Beyond setting off another brain ripping vision."

"The final bit of which was Whistler telling Xander to let her know he was pissed with her," Sam finished.

Buffy shuddered.  "I'm not sure if that's a good thing to know or not, Sam."  She looked at Kennedy.  "Xander supported us for years, Kennedy.  He dealt with the financial things when I couldn't or Giles wasn't around to handle it.  He helped me raise Dawn and protect her.  He helped me protect the hellmouth, even if my head was in my skirt at the time.  Hell, even Riley said I discounted him too much."  Kennedy slumped back into her seat.  "Yes, Willow needs help.  We know you're her girlfriend and that could help her best of all, but we're not going to let you trash people because of it."

"Frankly, a lot of the other hunters won't come near you girls," Sam told her.  "Because they've seen some spoiled moments and realized that not all of them are because some of you are so damn young."

"I remember being as young as some of them," Buffy agreed with a smile for the 'kiddie' table.  They all grinned back and one waved.  "At your age, I was still shopping every weekend with my friends."

"Can we do that?" one asked.

"Not unless we start printing our own money," Faith said dryly.  "Some of you learned bad habits from B and Kennedy."  She looked at Kennedy. "Be a supportive girlfriend but don't rag on others because you're having to be the supportive one instead of the pampered one.  And leave X alone.  He's got enough hell with two husbands he didn't really want, brain ripping visions, and learning how to make us special weapons."

"I do want to know if he can make a new scythe for practices," Buffy said.

Sam smiled.  "I think he was sketching one but he's not sure if he can do work that fine and curved yet."

"I'll ask tomorrow."  She sat down.  "We're sorry as hell that she was slipping again, Kennedy, and no one blames you for not seeing it.  Please quit pushing the stress onto others who don't deserve it.  We'll all support Willow, help her do what's best for her."

Kennedy stomped out.  Faith got out of her way before Kennedy shoved her.  "Okay then," Faith decided.  "Boytoys," she said, looking at Sam and Dean.  "Big, major demon like you guys handle in lower Texas making people run back across the border.  Think we can get some exorcism help?  I can't seem to do one for shit."

"Of course," Dean agreed with a grin.  "Want the name of the guy down there or you want Sammy?"

"Don't offer if I can't keep him," Faith teased.  Sam blushed.  "He's cute enough to be an arm attachment and a bedtoy."  She strolled off.  "Using the inter-house transport."

"If we could get the car down there, I'd do that too," Dean agreed.  "Saves on mileage and gas."

One of the witches looked at him.  "I don't know if we could move the car, Dean.  Let me do some research."  She beamed and took her dinner to the library.  She had been wanting to research teleportation.  Willow had made it look neat and useful.

Dean nodded.  "Let me know if you get it set up," he called after her.  "Have fun, Sammy."

"I'm sure I will.  I'm good at exorcisms.  That's why I got them out of Xander the last time."  Buffy gave him a horrified look.  "Him and his dog after the cleanup.  Dean got Tony and we told someone how to help John.  The bond meant it could pass between them if it we didn't hit them at the same time."

"Did they keep memories?"

"They all said no."

"Good!"

"Tony could identify his primary one.  Someone named Samantha Manners?"

"The town ho?" Dawn asked.  Buffy gave her a dirty look.  "She was!  She even hit on Mom."

"From what Tony said yes."

"Hey, then maybe he'll keep some of the tendencies and make Xander very happy when he's in the same place."

"Dawn!" Buffy shouted.

"He's married.  He can have as much sex as he wants," she said dryly before stuffing her mouth.

"And isn't that a happy mental place to go," one of the slayers sighed, giving the others a happy look.

"Some of us are still straight and have no interest in seeing three guys doing that on a rug," Buffy complained.

"If it wasn't a happy place for you, you would've put them on a bed," Dawn quipped with a grin.  "We need to find more pinups for the girls since he's taken."

"I like my women a bit older than most of you are," Dean quipped.  "But you can have naughty pictures if you want."

"I've got a camera," one girl said happily.  "Bring a few guns and a sword, Dean."  He laughed.  She was serious.  She'd get him later.  Then the girls could pay her for their own copies.

***

Xander woke up the next morning feel tired and a bit horny.  "Damn it," he muttered.  "He's not here."  The dog jumped off the bed, heading for her food bowls.  "Thank you."  He sighed, looking at his lower body.  "You can't have him right now.  He's already awake. We can't even have dream sex."  His erection didn't seem to care.  "Come on," he whined.  "Go away?  Please?  Just for a few minutes so I can get up, go pee, that stuff?  Then you can come back and we'll pound out the frustration on the forge."  His phone rang.

"Yup, we're here and needy.  Oh, Sam!"  He sat up.   His penis decided to lose interest at the mention of her.  "Traitor," he hissed at it.  "Not you, Sam.  My body.  It's being a comedian at the moment."  She quipped something.  "No, I got a hug last night on the dream talking place.  What's up?"  He nodded slowly.  "Sure, I wouldn't mind as long as they weren't cranks like NID.  Why do you need to know about the merman taint?  Yeah, I can probably get you what we took and help you spot the ones in the Pacific.  What do you mean they're near San Francisco?"

He sent a shout at John to watch out for them.  "Sure, come over and get some blood, just don't make me hurt too much."  He glared at his penis since it came back up once he had shouted at John.  He knew he used to be bi but his body should still be reacting to Sam's sweet voice.  His penis was screwed up this morning.  "I'm here and up.  Let me shower."  He hung up and headed that way.  Maybe he'd fix his penis's orientation in the shower this morning.

***

Gibbs glared at Tony when he started to groan in that special way.  "DiNozzo!" he shouted, waking him up.

"Xander!" he shouted, then realized he was in his chair.  "Um, sorry, boss.  Xander was broadcasting a bit about his penis' distaste of women suddenly.  He's a bit confused that Sam Carter didn't work as well as we did."  He rubbed his eyes.  "Let me go take a cold shower, boss."  He got up and walked down there.

"I didn't need to know that," Gibbs yelled after him.  "McGee!"  He snapped awake, thankfully without the extra information.  "We need a bunk room," he complained.  He went to see the secretary.  "What's the chance of getting us a bunk room so I don't have to deal with sleeping agents acting like teenagers?"

She smiled.  "A little below Eisenhower coming back as our director?  I might be able to arrange a napping room with a couch."

"That'd work.  Even if they did hit it at the same time."  He walked off shaking his head.  Ziva was already awake and snickering.  Abby came up blushing.  "Ran into DiNozzo?" he asked dryly.

"Yup.  He was muttering under his breath about Xander complaining Sam Carter wasn't hot enough for his little Xander's filthy mind this morning."

"Gibbs stopped him from moaning," Ziva told her.

"Ziva," Gibbs warned.

Abby gave him a quick hug.  "I'll see if I can put a futon in my office, Gibbs.  That could help that.  Plus Ducky's couch in his office."  She walked off.  Tony probably needed coffee really badly after he got done yelling at Xander for being too gay this morning.

***

John walked into the command center, pulling up the underwater scanners.  "Watch these things," he ordered with a point.  "They're changed humans who like to eat people."  He walked off shaking his head.  The fun Xander brought to his life!  He'd have to talk to him about the dirty thoughts later since it was fairly ....strange.  Even he had gotten wood from Sam at least once.  Xander was clearly having some sort of problem this morning.  One he wasn't sure if he was happy about or not.

"What are they?" the technician called after him.

"Mermen.  Xander's swim team from high school.  Expect Carter.  Tell me if they decide to crawl up since they eat people."  He waved before jogging down the stairs.  He had PT to oversee.

Woolsey came in to start his shift.  "Was the night shift quiet?"

"Yes, sir," the technician said.

"What are we watching?  I hope no one patched the video into the showers again."

"No, sir.  Mermen."

"Mermen?" he demanded.  He stared at the screen.  "Why are there mermen in San Francisco?"

"Colonel Sheppard said they used to be Mr. Harris' swim team.  They eat people and they're sniffing around us.  We're to expect Captain Carter soon."

Woolsey walked off rubbing his forehead.  "For some reason I miss the wraith and replicators."

A few of the guys laughed at that.  They were in agreement but it was still funny.

***

Xander looked at Sam when she appeared.  "I have no idea why my body reacted negatively to you today.  It's like the switch is suddenly set on gay."

She stared at him for a minute.  "That might be good to know with your relationship," she said carefully.  "Is it important?"

"I don't know."  He pouted.  "Is that a problem?  It was too happy because John and I were cuddling last night on the dream realm.  Then you called and it got less happy but happier when I called him.  Is that a sign that my body's reset?"  He saw her funny look when he looked back up.  "Sorry, I'm used to having female friends."

She shook her head.  "No, it means that you like your husbands more than some fantasy woman, even if I am a good specimen of one."

He grinned.  "Thanks, Sam."

"Welcome, Xander.  Can I draw blood now?"  He nodded, taking off his t-shirt so she could do it.  "I didn't need that much access."

"Yes you do.  The last bit of mermaid tainted cells they found were on my right pectoral.  I had an open sore there when I was exposed to the mermaid tainted steam."

"That's how they did it?"  He nodded.  "Any other ways?"

"Possibly some in the water.  The coach wanted to win really badly so people would quit nagging him.  Some of them may've been fed some but I wasn't there that long."

"Okay.  I can take a small sample?"

"Sure.  Don't hurt me too much."

She smiled.  "I'll try.  I'm not the sort of girl you used to date."  He laughed and let her take blood.  Muffin barked at her but he got his puppy calmed down.  She took a small sample of cells as well.  She was even nice enough to help him apply bandages. Then she called the Apollo to take her to Atlantis.  She walked off her landing spot, heading for the infirmary and labs.  "McKay!" she bellowed as she walked.  "Meet me in the infirmary."  She walked in there, holding up the vials of blood.  "There's cellular and maybe genetic taint in this and the cell samples that relate back to the creatures that're trying to pounce the city to eat people."  McKay stomped in.  She tossed him one vial of blood.  "Mermaid taint?"

"What?"

"Mermaid taint.  They're swarming around the city.  Figure out how to calibrate the shields so they get fried?"

"How in the hell!"

"A high school swim coach wanted his team to win very badly," John said as he walked in.  "He's sorry if he embarrassed you, Sam."

"He didn't.  It's nice that he likes me like a friend."

"This is Harris' blood?" McKay asked sarcastically.  It had to be.  No one else got into those sort of situations.  Not even Jackson could manage that level of strangeness and problems or deadly women.

"He went undercover to see why the swim team was changing from fully human to demonic.  Now they're trying to get up here to eat people.  They killed six or so people back in Sunnydale before they got the coach and hit the pacific ocean."

McKay shook his head as he walked off.  Maybe he could find a way to break the unholy link between those three.  That way he could save John.  He clearly needed saved.  Before he got as warped as the young one was.

John watched him stomp off.  "Thanks for making him not be so bored, Sam."

"Welcome."  She smiled.  "So was it a good cuddle?"

"Very comforting.  No nightmares for him.  The problems he was seeing from the girls quit worrying him."

"Good.  You okay?"

"I'm good.   I've been fine with it, Sam.  Really."

"You sure?  I don't mind if you need to talk since Xander feels that comfortable with me."

He smiled.  "I'm good.  It's cool between us most of the time."

"Good."  She pinched him on the arm.  "He looked slightly adorable pouting."

"He can be that way when he wants.  Tony was still asleep on his desk when you called."

"Oh, his poor friends."

"Gibbs went to ask the director's secretary to put in a napping room or something for those overnight cases."

She giggled.  "That is cute."  The doctor cleared her throat.  She didn't know this one, she had been sent over after her tenure on Atlantis.  Though she did wonder where Keller was.  She'd handle this with only a small giggle.  "The creatures who're trying to get onto the base tainted the man this blood was drawn from.  He said the cells showed a taint the last time he knew."

She took them.  "We'll see if we can weed it out.  What sort of taint is it?"

"Mermaid."

She looked at the captain.  "Are you feeling all right, ma'am?"

"They came from Sunnydale," John told her.

"Oh!  That makes more sense then.  Let me see if we can find it so we can make sure nothing like that gets onto base."  She went to separate the blood so she could study it.  She really would have to find out what made that one so special.

John looked at Sam.  "So, any other good news?"

"Davis is sending things via the Apollo in a few minutes.  The buildings are being looked at.  We'll know about that within a few days."

"You know, Xander saw this show the other day that he thought would've been the best idea yet.  They had a super science research center that was surrounded by a top secret town who mostly worked for them.  No entry without being part of it basically."

"If we could find a good, open town area we might do that," she admitted.  "If we could land Atlantis on the ground."

"We might be able to.  I don't know.  That's a question for Rodney or them."

"Good point.  When is the show on?"  He logged into the system, pulling his files off the multi-drive to burn for her.  She patted him on the arm once she had it.  "Thanks."  She went to the lab.  That was a better place for her to hang out.  The infirmary was full of people who'd want to stick her with needles.

John left, going to his office to deal with the daily things.  "Guys, the Apollo is sending things soon," he said as he walked into the command center/gate room area.  "Get ready for it."  They ran around to clear an area for the new things to come down in.  "Call me when it comes in."

"Yes, sir," one yelled.  They got the news of the shipment about a half-hour later.  It filled the room and had a note saying there'd be another load and a half coming.  They cleared out the first one.  "Colonel, it's here," he called.

"Thank you."  He came out to look at the manifest, smiling.  "The first load had things for boredom.  Evan Lorne to the gateroom," he called over the comm.  He came jogging in.  "Set it up in a spare room.  Make a few lounge rooms as well.  You're in charge of setting it up for after hours entertainment."  Lorne nodded, taking the pallet puller with him.  "Have Radek help if you need technical stuff," he called after him.  The next load had a few more things that got set aside.  The rest got sent to the cafeteria.  They'd have a good dinner tonight.

Lorne let out a cackle over the comm system, surprising some people.  John just smirked at them.  "Sir, should we worry?" one asked him.

"No.  It's the stuff the team leaders asked for so all the base could be less uptight.  Including stuff for training and fun."  He walked off happier.

"Maybe we should worry," one decided.  "He nearly got that happy after getting back from his aunts' torture."

The other guys all nodded.  They'd see later what had made Lorne that happy.  They didn't want to suddenly be in a telepathically linked gay marriage too.

***

Woolsey walked into a newly made entertainment lounge.  "Why do we have this stuff?"

"Because gaming can improve your hand-eye coordination, teach you tactics, a few are meant to improve your stamina, and a few are just for forgetting we're military and on Atlantis," John said bluntly.  "We have three game systems, a new DVD player because ours broke, and some educational materials that could help with future training.  Including assault hand-code and languages."

"I suppose that's not a bad downtime activity then."

"The guys need things to do," John said firmly.  "They can use these and get a bit happier until we can work out the off-base stuff."

"I don't disagree.  How will this help training?"

"Some of these are strategy games.  Some are to improve hand-eye work.  Some of them are interactive so they build stamina.  Some are more escapism.  There's even one that you can do yoga with in one of the rooms.  Or other sports.  That's why we got one of those systems and two regular ones."

Woolsey nodded.  "I suppose that's fine as long as they're not doing them on shift."

"Of course not.  They're for after hours unless the team leaders are using it for direct training.  There's a few soldier and war games they can use that way.  It's meant to help with training without being obnoxious in case any of our people end up back on the main base on teams.  Things like languages and assault maneuvers plus hand-code will help with that."

"It probably will.  Good job.  That off-base area for families?"

"Being inspected this week."

"Good.  Thank you."  He left, this was stuff for younger people.

John called a general command team meeting, smirking at them.  "Evan, read off what we have and where it is please?"

Evan pulled up the list on his electronic clipboard.  "We have a PS3 in the former tv room.  It has twenty games, half of them are military related, six are hand-eye building games, the other four are escapism.  The dvd player and tv that was in there is now in the former smoking lounge from the space trip, next to the shrink's office.  It has an extra sixty new DVD's that've been copied for us by Major Davis, our pentagon liaison officer, and General O'Neill.  Which means the Simpsons movie is in there probably.  There is a Wii in this room.  It has all the current games and pads, including the yoga game and the other stuff."

"Five hours of Wii active games, not billiards but the actual ones you move with, or DDR count as two hours of PT," John added with a smirk.

"DDR is in the small room off the dining hall," Evan continued.  "It's a four-player system."  He grinned.  "It's got all the packs for extra songs and moves.  There's an x-Box in the other tv lounge.  That tv system is staying there with the dvd player.  We don't have another enclosed lounge area.  The library has gotten about a hundred new books and some ebooks.  We also have training systems for language skills, new strategy, assault maneuvers, and other helpful things for team situations or those who just want to learn."  He put his clipboard down.  "We can buy the rest ourselves according to the notes in the DDR box.  Any other games you want, bribe someone.  It was signed General O'Neill."

John nodded.  "I did ask because the problem of off-duty boredom and lack of anything to do beyond guard duty and hauling things around got mentioned to me.  We're working on the off-duty situation and the problem of the family leave stuff.  I need to know if there's more dissatisfaction going on, people.  I can't get a cure started unless I know."  They all nodded.  "Good.  These are all open to all base personnel.  No fighting with the scientists or the maintenance and supply crews.  Betting on results is to be kept quietly away from Woolsey, because he'll yell and rant.  Tournaments are up to someone else to negotiate and run.  Any questions?"  One raised her hand.  "What?"

"How many hours are we allowed to use them?"

"Off-duty unless your team leader can convince himself that it'll be training time.  Most teams are going to be starting more training in case we have to move back to the main base to help with an issue.  We all know it happens.  Jackson and Mitchell are still out there pissing off the universe the way Jackson and O'Neill used to."  That got a few laughs.  "We'd get to fill in for the next alien apocalypse.  Any other training teams or individuals want to pursue, let me know.  Things like marital arts we might be able to get someone who teaches it on base to come out for a bit.  Got it?"  They all nodded.  "Any other questions?"  No one said anything.  "No fighting, act like adults, or I'm locking the doors.  The first time I get complained at, you'll get complained at.  Now, go spread the happy news."  They went to tell the others and start the gossip going.  He looked at Evan.  "Get someone very good to run training on how to use the systems."

"I had one of the guys in supply teach me how to use DDR, sir."  He walked off looking much happier.   This was hopefully going to solve a few problems.

John went back to his office.  Rodney leaned in a few minutes later.  "What's up?"

"We have video games?"

"Yup, we do.  Some are just fun, some are more training.  Make sure your people don't fight with ours.  They're for off duty use or training if the team leaders are really generous."  He smirked at him.  "There's new books and dvd's too."

"Thank you."

"Not a problem.  There's also some new educational things, including languages."

"That could help us a lot," he decided.  "We've figured out what the mermaid taint was and how to set the shields against it.  One did try to get onto a pier and was shocked back into the water."

"Even better."  He smiled.  "Anything else that's good news?"

"The off-base family situation?"

"Being worked on.  We may have some off-base housing being found so they can move their families closer."

Rodney smirked.  "Thank you.  A few of mine are complaining."

"Some of ours too.  That's up to them.  They're looking things over this week."  Rodney nodded.  "Training later this week in assault maneuvers before you forget and do some range time, Rodney."

He huffed.  "It's not like the wraith are going to come down here."

"How many times did the old base get invaded?" John asked.

"Good point.  I'll do that this week."  He went to tell the others the rules.  Including that any fights would mean Sheppard's husband would come beat them.  Xander scared more of them than anyone else on base did.  It was the only threat he could come up with for his scientists.

***

John came back from a weekend off base, handing the supply guy the bag he had begged for.  "Yours.  Rodney said the computer based games won't work on the native systems except the minor things that don't take much processor space.  Things like jewel quest.   You want other things, import a computer."  That got a nod and he walked off.  John went to sign back in.  "I'm back," he called as he walked up the stairs.  The shields came up and froze him in place.  "Huh," he said, looking around the prison.  "Would someone like to explain this?"  No answer.  He tapped his comm.  "McKay to the gateroom ASAP or I'm ruining your laptop."  Rodney jogged in, groaning when he spotted the problem.  "Either the shields are malfunctioning, they didn't react very swiftly when I walked in, or someone has some explaining to do."

"Someone has some explaining to do," he complained, rushing around him to release him. John sighed.  "She recalibrated it to include any sort of non-human taint.  It caught Ronon and Teyla earlier.  I thought it was off."

"I am human."

Rodney gave him a pointed look.  "You shared how many bodily fluids with one who has noted biological contamination due to radiation, alternate DNA exposure, and magic?"

"I showered."

"Did you also scrape any deposits out of yourself?" he countered.

"Um, not fully.  How is it fixed?"

"It's going down and I'll fix it later, after I lock her out."

"Which her?"

"Our beloved second-in-command in the infirmary.  She thinks it'll help fix you."

John nodded.  "Fix it before it catches Carter.  She's due in for that conference with you today."

"Shit," he muttered, working faster.  She would zat the doctor if the shields caught her that way.  Then him.  The shield went down.

John went to find the head guard for the day.  "The shields are down since someone nicely calibrated it to include anyone who's been exposed to other species or radiation."  He groaned.  "Make sure we have guards on the piers and one in the brig."  He went to arrest her himself.  "Doctor P, thank you so much for making my coming back eventful," he said as he walked in.  "I'd like to repay the favor with a nice little room that won't have any work for you to do for days on end."

"He ruined you!" she shouted, throwing something at him.

"Not really."

"You weren't that way before," she said.

"I was, slightly.  Hadn't really done more than play in college."  He glared at her.  "You can go quietly for endangering the city or not.  I don't really care."  Guards rushed in and captured her, dragging her away.  "Thank you, guys."  He went to his office to make a report.  He found the head guard in there.  "Many more of those?"

"Two, sir.  Do the higher ups know?"

"General Landry does.  Someone in JAG asked me about it after the drugging we took.  He said they can't charge me for that and won't be after it had to be finished off to save our lives."  He grinned at him.  "Really, it's fine.  I know there's people like her everywhere."

"She wasn't mad that you were gay, Sheppard, just that you didn't like women so she couldn't flirt with you."

"You know, I liked it when we had the chaos sorcerer working in the infirmary better," he said.  The guard snickered.  "We did.  Rayne?  Huge in the chaos sorcerer list."  The guy gaped at him.  He nodded.  "He was helping, he was a good nurse, and he wasn't annoying.  That or I want Carson back."  The guard nodded at that.  "Let me know if there's many others."

"I can do that.  We'll tell the main base."

"Carter's coming.  She can."

"That'll work," he decided, going to handle her.

John shook his head, sending a mental note to Xander.  Who sent back a sleepy cuddle.  He smiled because a sleepy Xander was very cuddly and very happy to be around him.  Tony was too.  Good thing he didn't mind being used as a pillow.  Xander sent back a cheek lick, earning a laugh from him and Tony.  They'd let him nap it off.  It had been very good.  Worthy of cuddles.  He was so mellow being caught in the shields hadn't irritated him too much.

He felt a warm mental nuzzle and smiled.  You had to when Xander was in that sort of mood.  He gave him a mental pat and the boy settled in again.  At least until the vision hit.  Then he hit the desk.  That wasn't good.  He barely tapped his comm earpiece.  "Rodney, can I have you in my office with the specs for our generators?" he asked, wincing because he sounded weak.  He hung up and rested there, managing to cushion his head with his arms for a bit.

Rodney walked in with an electronic clipboard and the pill bottle.  "Take them," he ordered.

John blinked at him.  "Our generators are going down in about three days due to a storm."

"We upgraded it," he complained.

"Waves, McKay.  Waves."

"I forgot about those.  Big?"  John nodded.  He managed to swallow a few pills dry then put his head back down.  "Why are you getting hit this hard?"

"Xander's asleep.  It's about us.  This one didn't go through Xander."

"You inherited his abilities with the mental link?" he asked dryly.

John looked up.  "I don't know.  Ask Cordelia.  They're in charge of that."  He put his head back down.

"Are you that tired after leave?" Woolsey demanded as he walked past the doorway.  "I can talk to them so they let you rest."

"He had his very first, very own vision," Rodney said.  Woolsey came back to stare at him.  "It didn't get shared like the others.  I have to fix the generators for when we get a hellish storm with huge waves.  We forgot to take those into account.  You, work on your shields," he ordered.

"I have been.  I spent most of yesterday working on them.  I'll figure it out."  He took a deep breath then sat up, fighting the nausea.  "Those suck."

"I'm sure they do," Woolsey agreed.  "Wasn't going ahead with all that supposed to stop those?"

"Unless they sent them directly to us, yes.  I didn't get the last one he had more than a bit of a headache.  Tony got a worse hit because he was thinking at him and his shields need work.  This one was specifically sent to me and for me.  Xander's asleep."  Woolsey walked off shaking his head.  John emailed Sam Winchester, he was a research geek.  Maybe he'd know how to block them out.  He'd even let a mystical tattoo go on if he had to.  There was no way he wanted another of those.  He wrote down what he knew and sent it to Rodney's computer.  That way he was warned.  The deflection shield going down would freak out the city.  Even San Francisco.

Chapter 10: Watch The Willow Wiggle

One of these days, Willow will learn that leaving Xander alone is always a good idea.  NC-17

Xander woke up panting, looking around the house.  He wasn't alone this morning.  It was one of the rare visitations.  He shoved Tony.  "Make her stop."

"What?" he asked, still half asleep.  He pulled Xander down to cuddle him.  "Bad dream?"

"Willow visit.  Make her stop!  Before we end up killing me."

"Why would we kill you?" John grunted from behind them.  "And what was with Willow last night?"

"That was her, not a dream," he said, starting to sound frantic again.  He got cuddled harder by Tony.  "We have to stop her.  Now!  Before I have to kill myself or you guys kill me!"

"It won't happen," John said, curling up behind him.  "She can't do it."

"Do what?" Tony mumbled.  He yawned into Xander's neck.  "Damn, which one of us is that horny this morning."

"Xander," John said.

"Nah-uh.  She's probably already trying.  That's what all this is."  He wiggled free and ran to the bathroom to lock himself inside.

John called Dean, Tony called Sam.  "Stop her," they ordered then hung up.  John looked at the bathroom door then at Tony.  "Think we should save him?"

"No, let him panic.  He was wiggling."  Tony yawned again, pulling John closer to sleep on him.

"S'nice," John decided, letting himself drift off again.  And if he saw Rosenburg this time, he was shooting her.

***

Dean hung up, looking across the room at Sam, who was doing the same thing.  "Which her?" he asked.

"All I got was 'stop her'."

"Me too.  I heard Tony say the same thing John told me too."

"Buffy?" Sam called, walking off to find her.  She popped out of the library.  "John and Tony are panicking, they called to order us to stop her.  Are you doing anything?"

"No.  Dawn's with me too, Faith too."  She looked into the meeting.  "Guys, Xander's boys called saying 'stop her'.  Which one of us is doing something?"  No one said anything.  "Okay, anyone done any odd research or ran into any funky magical cults recently?  They might still like him even if he is married."

"The book on Dionysian rituals was checked out along with the one to Cybelle," Dawn offered.

"Drunken revelry, cult of men worshiping a fertility goddess who castrated them," Sam said, considering it.  "Who checked them out?"

"Willow asked me to send them to her for some light reading.  She thought she saw something in there that might make everyone happy," Kennedy said.

"Call her," Buffy said.  "Now, Kennedy.  Stop her."

Kennedy sighed but called.  "This is totally going over my minutes," she complained.  "Willow, for some reason Xander's husbands called up to tell us to stop someone.  We wanted to make sure that you weren't that someone.  I know you're getting better.  Is that Cordelia cackling?"

"Oh, god, please stop her," Sam moaned, holding his head.  "Before someone ends up killing Xander."

Dawn helped him down onto a chair.  "Dean!" she yelled.  "He's having another vision!"

Dean came jogging in.  "What now?  New demon?"

"Yes, Willow's becoming one."  He blinked up at him.  "We have to stop her unless we want to be godparents to Xander's spawn that he'll be having."

"Oh hell no!" Dawn shouted, snatching the phone.  "Hell no, Willow.  Xander will kill you and if not, I will.  Do not even think about it, woman!"  She got hung up on.  Dawn growled.

"Dawn," Buffy warned.

"Fuck no!"  She stomped off to do something rash, slightly violent, and totally Xander like.  Xander would be proud of what she was going to do.  She even called the guys out there.  "Tony, Dawn.  Assure Xander she's not going to knock him up.  Even if I have to turn back into an artifact, she's not going to knock him up."  She hung up and found what she needed in the magic library.

***

Tony hung up, looking toward the bathroom.  "Xander, Dawn said she's going to stop Willow from knocking you up," he called.

John blinked at him.  "Excuse me?"

"That's Willow's thing apparently."

John grimaced.  "Um, no.  For that I'd kill her, not him.  He'd be a victim."

"With mood swings," Tony reminded him.  "And cravings."

"For that I might have him sedated, not kill him," John said through a yawn, drifting off again.  He had one way of absolutely getting to her.  He went to the astral plane.  She was a huge power spike in it.  He ran into Whistler.  "Looking for Willow."

"She's over there," he said with a point.  "She has Cordelia hostage."

"She's going to get her ass kicked for deciding we needed kids."

Whistler just looked at him.  "I'm not going to touch that situation with a thousand foot pole, man."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Look for the dark gray light."

"Thanks."  He found it and went to it, checking on her.  She was explaining her plan.  He kindly found her thread and yanked, hard, while manifesting his gun.  She appeared, wobbling some, with his gun against her forehead.  "Willow," he said with a smile.  "Good morning."

"Um..."  She tried to back off.  He followed.  "What are you doing?" she asked, starting to get frantic.

"I'm stopping a threat to the world, like I have many times before."  He cocked the gun.  "This way there's no more threat from you."

"I'm not a threat," she said frantically, trying to move again.  She couldn't figure out how to get back to her body.  "I promise I'm not a threat, John!"

"You're a threat to everyone and specifically Xander."  She went pale.  "So I'm going to make sure there's no more threat.  Ever."

"I won't!  I swear I won't!  Please, John!  I promise I won't hurt Xander!  I'll never cast another spell near him!  Not at all!  Please!"  She winced and hissed as a huge explosion went off, knocking her to her knees.  "Dawn, no!" she moaned, holding her stomach.  "C'mon!"

He snorted.  "Yeah, we've heard that before.  Unfortunately you're unable to get past the addiction problem you have, Willow Rosenburg.  You're a threat to my security, the world's security, and everyone's lives.  That can't be allowed to go on."

Cordelia appeared brushing lint off her and fluffing her hair with her hands.  "Okay, now that I'm back and no longer trapped in England."  She looked at what was going on.  "I should probably complain.  John, we need her."

"No we don't.  We can use multiple witches to make up for her being on the wrong side."

Cordelia pinched him on the cheek.  "I know, seeing him that way would be freakish but she never completed the spell.  It can't happen.  You can't kill her up here anyway," she realized.  He smirked and shot Willow in the knee, making her scream and roll around on the ground.  "Huh."

"The next one's in the brain," he assured her.  "Which means your body will be comatose until the slow death takes it."  He stared the errant witch down.  "Don't threaten anyone ever again.  Or I'll make the burning that the other hunters want to do to you look like a happy, pleasant, orgasmic event."  She nodded, still crying and holding her damaged knee.  "Good.  I'm glad we understand each other."

Cordelia pulled up Xander, who looked around.  "I can't get pregnant up here, right?"

"Nope," she said.  "She never finished the spell.  She made you want to mate but not opened up all that you'd need."

"Good!"  He looked at Willow rolling around then snorted.   "Damn, you didn't save me any."  He took the gun and pointed it at her heart.  "Willow, I hate to do this, but it's my job to take out the Scoobies or slayers that go dark."

"Xander, I was trying to help you, make you happier!" she begged.

"I might believe that but I doubt it."  He stared down at her.  "I'd let Buffy do it but we all know she won't be able to.  Dawn either.  Faith shouldn't.  So that leaves...me.  No matter how much I'd hate it.  I ... I can't let you go on this way.  We gave you every chance to straighten out, Willow.  Every single one since that day on the cliff.  Since the memory spell.  You're still going to the wrong side.  We can't let you threaten the slayers.  We can't let you threaten the normals.  I can't let you do that.  Even if I do love you like my sister."

"Xander, let me," John said, taking the gun.  "You don't have to."  He gave him a kiss.  "I promise, if they go bad, you won't have to hunt them."  Xander gave him a hug.  "I understand."  He glared at Willow, pointing the gun at her.  "Time's up."  She shrieked and tried to move, casting magic shields in front of her to stop them.  Then she ended up back in her body, her knee in agony.  John looked at the spirit next to him.  "Gee, thanks."

"Next time," she said with a smirk.  "We need her next year for the apocalypse."  Xander looked at her.  "Really.  I do know all now."

Xander shrugged.  "Ask Dawn."

"Huh?" she asked.

"Cordy, what's Dawn?"

"The same sort of blank spot you are," she said dryly.

"Okay, you remember the stuff where Buffy died?"  She nodded, looking smug.  "Why?"

"A hell goddess who was going after a mystical artifact that was made human and of her."

"Dawn," he agreed.

She gaped.  "Really?"  He nodded.  "Can she do magic?"

"Yup.  Slightly.  She's focusing on the watcher stuff instead."

"Huh.  Maybe her and the Devon coven, or even the LA coven since they've been growing."

"I heard about one in Lancaster, PA," Xander offered.  "Very strong, like Tara."

"I'll check into that.  Still can't kill her this time.  She didn't complete the spell.  If she had....  Then I'd have popcorn while you killed her.  Because that's just...wrong.  Shoo, go mate or whatever."  She sent them back to their bodies.  She went to their meeting area.  "I'm free."

"Congratulations," Whistler said.  "Think she learned?"

"I have no clue but next year's going to be bad."

"Hell."  He moved closer to the board to look at that event.  "Yeah, we'll need some major witches."

"Have you seen Dawn?  Buffy's sister?"

"The Key, yeah."  She glared at him.  He just smirked back.  "Power, but no control."

"Think there's a few covens who can integrate her?"

"Yup.  We can look into that as an alternate method."

"Xander mentioned Lancaster, PA."

"They're a good coven.  LA's is a powerful one too."  They settled in to go over their various white light covens.  Willow might not make it that long.  Whistler blinked, looking up.  "Huh, Dawn is pretty powerful.  She just bound Rosenburg to do no harm."  Cordelia cackled, swatting him on the arm.  He smirked back.  "Yeah, that'll help."

***

Dawn walked out looking more calm, smiling at Sam and Dean and Buffy when she joined them.  "I bound Willow from doing more harm, like capturing Cordelia to brag or knocking Xander up."  Dean shuddered.  "For some reason I felt a psychic related injury on her as well."

"Was she in her body when you did it?" Sam asked.

"Barely.  She had been astral traveling I think."

"An injury there would show up in her real body," Sam said.

"Hmm.  Cool.  I'll remember that and not go there."  She looked at Buffy.  "We need an anti-Willow.  It's not me.  I don't like magic that much."

"I can agree that it shouldn't be you.  You have a lot of power."  She gave her a hug.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  She smiled at the boys.  "Hate to tell you this, but got a head's up while I was working from Cordelia.  She and Whistler were talking about next year's apocalypse and which coven could help."

"Aw, crap.  Again?"  Dawn nodded.  "How soon?"

"Next year."

"At least we have time to figure out what it is," Buffy sighed.

Dawn looked up.  "Cordelia, since you showed me that, any hints?"

Whistler appeared, looking at her then at Dean.  "Time to repay the favor.  Someone needs the Key to power their plans to merge realms."  He smirked as he faded off.

"He does dress worse than Xander," Dean decided.  Buffy snickered and nodded.  She had told him that.  "Okay.  So, this key?"

Dawn raised her hand.  "Me."

Sam stared at her.  "Huh?"

Buffy walked them into a private room to tell them what had happened.  They'd do good watching out for Dawn if something happened to her.  She and Sam were too much alike some days.

***

John woke up, blinking at Tony.  Then at the bathroom.  "Xander?  It's safe."  He peeked out.  "I won't pounce.  C'mon."  He padded over and crawled in again, against Tony.  John smirked.  "Fine, you cuddle him."

Tony gave him a squeeze.  "He smells good.  Did you shower?"

"No, Rosenburg sent him into heat," John said dryly.  "With the end intent of knocking him up.  She never finished the spell.  So he's just in heat."

"Hmm.  Could be interesting," Tony decided, kissing their younger husband.  Xander blinked at him.  "Feeling a bit warm?" he teased.

"Yeah but I don't want to end up that way."

John took his own kiss.  "Cordelia said it was never completed.  You're only in heat."

Xander relented.   "Okay."  They smirked and put him between them.  It was going to be a good morning.  Muffin barked but then left them alone.  "Morning to you too, Muffin.  Let Daddies play and then we'll play with you."  She went back to guarding the daddies while they did silly human things.  It'd let her bark at the mailman when he showed up or the neighbor's dirty little mutt that kept trying to sniff her elegant tail.  She swore the mutt was part demon.

John pushed Xander onto his back, looking down at him.  "So, how warm are you?" he teased.  One hand traced up the younger man's stomach, making him wiggle and twitch.  "Very warm or just getting there?"

Tony sniffed his neck.  "He smells very warm to me.  Kinda sweaty and ready to be pounced."

"Pouncing is nice," Xander agreed, wiggling under them.  "I could like pouncing."

"Pouncing him means that we won't be sore tomorrow," John agreed smugly.  Tony laughed and nodded.  John had a short commute, Tony had to get across the country by plane.

"I could like being able to sit later on."  He took his own kiss from John, then Xander.  "Think we should play nicely or not this time?"

"I don't think Xander's going to do more than beg," John said smugly.

"If I'm going to beg, we might want to get started soon or I'm going to nap again.  I love this bed, I always sleep whenever I'm on it," Xander quipped.

"That's because someone poured a sleeping potion over it," John said dryly.  He took  a deep, moan-inducing kiss.  Xander was definitely with that.  This heat thing might be pretty nice.

Tony moved down to tease him, making Xander wiggle more.  John possessively rolled Xander toward him but it did give Tony total access to a whole new playing field.  Especially since his back was so sensitive.  Yeah, he could definitely like this side of Xander.  And hey, he knew where the lube was so he could start working their boy over to make him ready for later fun and games.

John moved down to tease and play with Xander's neck.  Xander was liking this attention.  One of his hands was on their husband's cock, making him an extra happy boy.  So happy he was going to wiggle them off the bed.  John pinned him down, moving down to tease the hard cock.  Xander was moaning.  Tony was moaning too.  John smirked at him.  "Xander, Tony's not being played with."  Xander pulled Tony up to kiss, touch, and suck on him.  Tony was just as happy with Xander's mouth as Xander was with John's mouth. Tony's moans were deeper and more drawn out.  "Please him, Xander," John whispered in his ear.  "He never gets you.  Then I'll have you both."

Xander shifted to get his more distant husband.  Tony let him settle on top so he could suck his cock for him.  Tony's hand came down to make Xander go deeper.  He knew not to pull his hair but he loved to have Xander go down on him.  John still scraped his teeth now and then.  Tony himself wasn't that good at it.  Xander was made to belong to a husband that would spoil him.  As proven by him having very good breath control.  Tony whined but Xander had to come back up to breathe.  Then he went back down.

"Oh, that's sweet looking," John said.  He checked Xander's ass.  It was loose enough.  Not greatly but enough.  It was tight enough for a lot of friction.  Not that Xander's ass didn't seem to suck you in and squeeze you enough that you had to come quickly.   Sometime soon he'd have to get Xander into the mood for a good, long, hard ride.  Maybe if Tony got him off first he could do that today?  Tony rolled them over, riding Xander's face for a few minutes before moving backward.  Xander whined, making Tony flip around to give him his cock while he got sucked.  John worked a few fingers into Tony's ass, making Xander happier.  He shifted up, helping by adding his tongue.

Tony yelped.  "Xander!" Xander only hummed, helping John play with him.  "Oh, damn!"  He was wiggling and pushing back.  "Oh, guys!"

Xander pulled back to let John finger him while he played with his balls, nuzzling and sucking on one before going back to the hard cock.  "More?" he begged into the soft skin.  Tony moaned, going back to it.  Xander was a happy boy.  Tony eventually got off him, making him complain.  "Tony!"

"Shh," John whispered in his ear.  "It's going to get better."

"Much better," Tony agreed, sliding into Xander's body.  Xander arched up, putting his legs on Tony's shoulders.  Tony got settled and moved quickly, hard and fast, making Xander bounce on him.  Xander was having a good time.  It was clear that Xander was going to come soonish.  Tony finally slammed into him, coming hard.  Xander whined but Tony got him off by hand, making Xander go limp underneath him. Tony smiled, taking a kiss.  "Miss this when I'm on the other coast."

"If we could get your team transferred we'd all be happier," John agreed.  He took his own kiss.  "My turn."  Xander moaned.  Tony moaned, getting out of the way.  It had been a good show.  Now, it was really his turn.  Xander was still feeling needy.  He started with a simple kiss.  Xander probably wanted him to start off right in the act but he wanted to work him up again.  Xander let him do whatever he wanted while touching and stroking him.  Tony was watching, finishing his calming down time.  Tony was more about quantity than quality.  He was much for quality over quantity.

"I do so like to have longer times," Tony complained, hearing that thought.

"Guys, you each have your specialities," Xander said to break up the fight.  "I don't expect both of you to like the same things.  Tony can toss me against the fridge and have me but John likes to make me scream and beg first.  It's all good."

John smirked at Tony.  "See, he's very wise for his age."

"Uh-huh.  I do like taking longer with you but I never have the time."

John shrugged.  "I'd rather throw him on the table.  Convenient height."  Xander snickered.  John got back to him, making him a happier boy.  And hey, looks like Xander wouldn't be upset at a long, hard ride this time.  Xander pulled him up to kiss him again, making him happier.  He was a very happy boy and Xander's body was going to show that.  Xander's cock was starting to come back up.  His wiggling in eagerness was starting too.  John pinned him down and did what he wanted, which was driving Xander insane.  He did so love it when his husband squealed and flailed.

Xander never minded it when he worked him over.  It made them both happy.  So happy that when he finally gave up driving him mad and slid into him, Xander would only moan up at him.  He got what he wanted, which was a long, hard ride that was banging the bed against the wall.  Muffin barked a few times but Tony calmed her down.  He flipped Xander over, watching him clutch the sheets instead of John's arms.  Those claw marks were going to show for days.

John went back to pounding into Xander, hands roaming, pulling Xander's head back so he could get to his neck to bite, suck, and lick those tender spots, a few bites on his shoulder, a long mark sucked onto the back of his neck, all the time pounding into him.  Xander finally came and went limp but John turned him onto his side to have him that way, making it a cuddle and sex.  It gave him plenty of access to play with his front too.  Tony was moaning and helping by sucking on Xander for him.  John got to tease his nipples and throat some more.

Xander squeezed, making John thrust harder.  "C'mon, John, I know you want to come," he begged hoarsely.

"I will.  After you do again," he panted.  Xander got on top and sucked on Tony for a bit while riding him.  That way John could take a short rest on his back.  Xander was fully coming back and John was very happy.  So happy he was nearly ready to come.  "Xander," he gasped.

Xander grinned, doing his best to get John off.  Wiggling in certain ways that drove him mad, shifting Tony so John could watch him suck and finger him better.  John growled and pulled Xander down to kiss him.  He flipped them back over, going back to doing a lot of the work.  "Tony, get on top of him," he panted.  Tony moaned but did it.  It was going to be a short ride getting Xander off again.  Xander whined as Tony slid down him but it was so good.  Very pretty.

It meant he got to play with Tony's cock while he rode Xander into a long nap.  Well, they'd all be taking a nap he guessed.  He finally got Xander off, making him howl and scratch up Tony a bit.  Tony came with a moan at that feeling.  John smirked, slamming in once, twice, three, four, five, six times, then having to ride out his own orgasm into the twitching hole.  He nearly collapsed against Tony's back, but Xander wiggled free and got them laying down with John in the middle this time.  It was nice.  John kissed him then Tony.  "That was fantastic," John moaned.

"Thank you," Xander said, cuddling him.

"Hmm, very good," Tony agreed, yawning into John's sweaty hair.  "We need showers."

"Later," John ordered.  "Can't move yet."  Xander grinned.  Muffin barked.  "Leave the mailman alone, Muffin," he called.  The mail slot moved.  "Thank you!"  The dog came padding in with the mail, dropping it beside the bed.  "Good girl."  She hopped up and snuffled them then curled up behind Tony's back.  John grinned.  "She's a very helpful dog."

"Yes she is.  She's a good girl."  Muffin licked him but let him drift off.

Xander grinned once his boys were asleep.  He was wired now.  He waited until he wasn't tired then got up to shower, put on clothes, and take his dog for a run.  Muffin enjoyed that more than listening to them having sex.  It was her happy time.  His would be later when John and Tony decided to argue machoness and see who got him next.  And hey, that table thing sounded pretty cool.  Not like they ate at a table.  It wasn't being used for anything else.  Yeah, that could be fun.  It was a very sturdy table too.  Which was good with the mood John was in.

***

John called the general that night.  "Tony missed his flight," he said quietly.  "Please?"  He grinned because the guy knew what he was thinking.  "Thanks.  DC.  That might work.  The shipyard isn't that far by cab.  Thanks, man."  He hung up.  O'Neill understood perfectly what he wanted to do.  It'd mean no sitting on a sore ass for six hours across the country.  So he could make both his boys sore.

***

Tony appeared, coffee cup still in hand and warm.  "Huh," he said, staring at his coffee John had made sure he had then at the man in front of him.  "General.  Thank you."

"Welcome, DiNozzo.  You boys okay?"  He looked him over.  He was immaculate as usual but he had that tired 'shore leave with the wife' look on his face.  "Have fun with Gibbs.  You guys pulled a case this weekend at the Pentagon.  He's snarling at the higher ups."

"They here or there?"

"Here, three floors down.  East wing."

"Thanks.  And for the lack of flying."

Jack smirked.  "Been there, done that after a weekend with the wife, DiNozzo."

Tony smirked.  "Xander's not exactly a wife but he won't be working on a forge today."  He walked out, sipping his coffee on the way down to where the case was.  "Hey, boss, what's my assignment?" he asked when he spotted him.

Gibbs stared at him.  "You came from the airport?"

"No, John arranged for transport."  He took another sip, letting Gibbs steal his coffee from him.  "What's the what... I mean what's going on?"

"Brain warping from the spouse?" McGee teased with a smirk.

"Definitely."  He looked at the body.  "First or most recent?"

"Second and most recent," Gibbs admitted.  "Looks like a suicide but may not be."

"Yeah, because that's a needle mark on his neck, boss."  He squatted down to move the hair, pointing at it.  "That's definitely a needle mark.  Ducky?"

He looked over on that side.  "That is it."  He smiled.  "Good to have you back."

"My brain's in high gear today," he said with a grin.  "Xander makes really good coffee."

Gibbs shook his head.  "Too sweet for me."

"The coffee?" McGee asked.  "Or him?"

"Both."  Tony took the rest of his coffee back to finish off and got to work looking around the desk for things that might indicate it wasn't a suicide beyond the needle mark.

***

"Is that a rash?" Ronon asked, looking at John's arms Monday morning.

"No.  Scratches."

"Hmm, the dog play too hard?" he asked.

"Not really.  We did roughhouse a bit though."  He grinned.

Wooley looked at him as he walked in.  "You can walk today, thank you."

"It's never my intention to be in that bad of shape, Woolsey."

"I was married once, Sheppard.  It was a long time ago so I was about as young as you are."  He gave him a pointed look then at his arms.  "You need to trim the dog's claws."

"Yeah, but I did that yesterday night."  He shrugged.  "Okay, meeting over training?"

"The DDR system is very loud.  Is that really training?  I don't mind fun but it's annoying."

"It does build endurance," John told him.  "To get through all the levels in the same game you need fantastic endurance.  Xander can only get two/thirds of the way in one go."

"I see.  That could be helpful."

"Going through all the levels takes more stamina than a ten mile run," Ronon told him.

Woolsey nodded.  "Then that's very beneficial.  Do we need them that loud?"

"The video games seem more immersive if they're life-like sounding," John admitted.  "I'll post a note saying to turn it down so people aren't disturbed eating."

"Thank you.  How is training going?"

"Pretty decent.  The new modules are being learned.  The teams that needed the most work on things like assault procedure are doing good.  Team togetherness is at an all time high.  Boredom seems to have gone down some.  The resentment has been cropping up but I did let it slip that we're looking at off-base housing for families so it might be possible to move families and/or spouses closer.  Someone told me that they still wouldn't get the time off base I would and I pointed out they'd have to apply for a weekend pass and it was possible as long as we weren't overloaded with whatever was going on.  He said he'd think about that if he could convince his wife to move out here."

"That would be more than acceptable.  If their families moved out here, within the three hour radius should be good because I know housing is atrocious in the city, then I'd allow weekend family passes," Woolsey agreed.  "That would let us use other base's housing since the two we looked at were nearly falling in."

John grimaced but nodded.  "There's a few locally.  Coast guard mostly, a recruitment center, the DOD/Homeland block.  A corporation that's somehow named a military base?"

"I saw that when I googled it," Rodney admitted.  "I have no idea what they do beyond laser applications.  They are on an island."

Woolsey nodded.  "I'm going to be talking later with Landry and the higher ups about those situations.  The Coast Guard base locally has some off-duty housing but I'm not sure how much."

"There's something in Alameda itself," John offered.  "But I have no idea what it is.  I drove past there on Sunday night.  I couldn't tell."  That note got made.  "We might be able to do that.  It's on the bay.  If we had to we can move the external meeting area over there and let the guys go that way.  Cheaper housing on that side anyway.  Even if Oakland is nearby."

"That's reasonable," Woolsey decided.  "We're going to be teleconferencing with the Joint Chiefs who know about the project.  We have no idea at the moment.  If so, I will definitely be allowing weekend family passes."

"We have one of the science corps that's from here," John said, looking at Rodney.  "Doesn't he go home?"

"He's mad that his mother's nagging.  Came back the last time complaining for days about it.  He hasn't asked.  What about day passes?"

"Agreed," Woolsey said.  "Landry agreed with us.  No more than ten to fifteen percent off base at a time so nothing is unmanned in case we have a disaster or an earthquake."

"That's something I forgot to plan for," Rodney admitted, making that note for himself.  "I need to make sure our supply areas are safe in case of one so nothing harmful tips."

The head of supply nodded.  "So did I.   Will the water cushion it?"

McKay considered it.  "I don't know.  I'll run that hypothesis past our water people."  The other man nodded and smiled.  "What about your pregnant person?  If she's delivering I'll need to order more medical supplies or we need another medical team.  Our second-in-command is in the brig for recalibrating the shields to catch Sheppard.  Our primary is still in stasis until we can find a way to save him.  Keller is off on medical leave for a sprained back.  We have one other doctor and she's a research person instead of a physical, hands on doctor."

"I'll mention that later as well," Woolsey asked.  "Is she in the brig here?"

"Transferred her back later that night," John said.  "She calibrated it to disclude anyone who had been exposed to radiation or other genetic patterns."  Woolsey shook his head with a sigh.  "On purpose to stop Xander from coming on base."

"How much does he know?" Woolsey asked him.

"Beyond what he's seen from my head that I didn't know he saw?  I don't know.  We don't talk about it.  Tony doesn't know and he can't read me like Xander can."

"Is that a gift of his?" Rodney asked.  "Like the visions?"

"Xander said he's always been able to get information I wasn't even thinking about during dream talks.  I think it was where we were first taught to dream walk; Xander and I ended up merged for a second when we both got up there.  That's what set off the aunts too.   He basically fell into me and then climbed out."

"How does dream walking work?" Woolsey asked.

"It's like guided meditation where you're joined with a few others on their own guided meditation.   We all meet in this little cloud room.  To one standing in it, the others all appear as a darker, almost spongy spot that echos what they're thinking until they show up.  With more work you can go astral walking.  That's more fun.  Xander needs a nudge to get up there most of the time.  I can go straight there.  You can find others who're connected to it and talk to them that way."

"That's how you got to Jackson before Sunnydale fell in," Rodney realized.  John smirked and nodded.  "Why him?"

"As the theory goes, according to Cordelia, once ascended, always partially ascended."

"So he's a bigger link up there, you could get to him," Rodney said, staring at him.  John nodded.  "That's handy to know."

"Also, not much can block the link.  Someone tried to drug Tony and it came through fairly easily.  We both called his teammates to let them know he had been out and gotten drugged.  Gibbs was not happy."

"I doubt I'd be happy either," Woolsey admitted.  "So nothing can block it?"

"Xander thinks there's a way to magically block it temporarily.  Willow was babbling something about it but he hasn't really looked into it.  All her research stuff is being sent to Dawn Summers because she screwed up majorly again this weekend from England."

"How bad?" Rodney asked.  "She's known to be a rogue witch who works with the slayers, right?"

"She has a magic addiction.  The power gives her a rush she's liking too much," he said.

"Like the sarcophagus can," he decided.  John nodded.  "That's her problem?"

"She was getting clean then her girlfriend, who was as close to her as Xander and I are without the link, was killed next to her.  She went full black magic.  It's another thing hooking her.  As Xander puts it, she has a blind spot to her addiction.  She's moved far enough that she thinks magic can cure and do anything so she doesn't have to.  She got to the point of changing clothes with magic at one point in time.  Now she's not seeing that magic has consequences.  This last weekend she tried to knock Xander up."  Rodney gave him a horrified look.  "By the way, astral injuries do carry over.  She'll limp for life since I shot her in the knee.  The next time, she knows she's gone."

"Why would that be addicting?" the head of supply asked.

"The rush it gives you.  The feeling of power running through your veins.  From what I understand you get that same burning then pleasure sensation you get when you drink a glass of really good scotch or whiskey, only you get it all over your body."

"So it's like an alcoholic, and she's not seeing that the problem is creating this blind spot?"

"She's warped it so she believes that whatever she does is helping.  That it'd make others happy.  She doesn't see that it's costing her things and friendships or that it's hurting because the power likes to be used and she's really powerful.  That time I had to take off suddenly due to Xander being injured," he said, looking at Rodney again.  "She had just tried to end the world when her girlfriend had died.  She hit Xander with seven bolts of pure black magic and it nearly killed him.  If we hadn't gotten it out of him then he would've died of the liver failure since two of it hit there, or of magic poisoning."

"That's very dangerous," Woolsey said.  "Those military people who claim Wicca, can do they do that?"

"There's different religions in magic.  All sorts of different thoughts.  That's just one of them.  It leans heavily on some of the ancient Celtic and Druid beliefs but not totally.   Some of them only follow the faith while some do have the inner reserves, focus, and stubbornness to make magic work for them.  In ways it's like a bloodline gift.  You have to have the gift before it can manifest but if you have it and don't train it you can't use it.  If you do train it, depending on your level of strength it can be astounding or very simple.  And some who have power have no desire to do the harder things unless necessary or magic isn't their thing."

"So some of those faith healers might actually have this sort of gift and be using it that way, unknowing or not," Woolsey said.

"Possibly.  Never talked to any of them and they'd freak at the mention of gifts."

"True.  So the ones in the military?"

"Maybe.  Not sure.  Never really talked to any of them about it.  I'm a 'to each their own' sort.  I know what's out there, have since before I went to Afghanistan, about six months before really.  I figure if they're using it and doing so responsibly, which is a major tenet of Wicca with 'first do no harm', then it's not my job to watch over their shoulders.  If they step out of line and start hurting people then I'm there.  It'd be my duty."

Woolsey nodded.  "Do we have any here?"

"We have one who subscribes more to the ancient Norse ways than not.  He came from the main base and even knowing that Asgards are what they are he still believes.  Again, to each their own.  Xander's ex was actually Norse and I'm not sure if she knew that fact or not."

"She was what?" Rodney asked.

"She spent just over eleven hundred years as a vengeance demon," John said dryly.  "She was Norse."

"Oh."  He considered that.  "No wonder she was so odd."

"Yeah, she was a bit odd.  But then again, if you look at it, money and sex were driving factors back then not just in modern days.  Her complaining about them loudly in public was probably from her time as a demon."

Rodney shuddered.  "If I ever get involved with one of them, let me know and help me find a way to extricate myself without harm?"

"Of course.  We'll have Xander talk to her."  He smirked.  "Anya kept in touch with some of them."

"Good to know," he decided.  "How is he?"

"Napping."

Rodney smirked.  "Dog tire him out?"

"Dinner last night wore him out and we played all weekend long.  Set up more things so I have something to do there outside of watching him stretch, workout, or work on the forge.  If you guys are off-base at the same time, you can come up for a cookout.  We don't mind."

"I'll let them know.  Teyla's missing the dog."

"She's very sweet.  Barks at the new half-demon mailman and the neighbor's mutt for trying to get too friendly."

"That dog is very odd."

"Very helpful though.  She spotted a lot of the stuff Jackson and Xander weeded out of Anya's former stuff that had a demon taint.  She guarded it very well so nothing ate Daniel."

"We could use that here in case any more show up," the head of supply said dryly.  "Speaking of, we have two water demons creating a nest under us?"

John looked at him.  "Peacefully?"

"I got sent to talk to them with Teyla," Rodney admitted.  "They only needed a nesting spot.  They're under one of the underwater spires.  They'll move on once her eggs hatch.  They're not causing any damage and those mermen weren't going to come near her.  They won't come near a nest.  It solved a few problems."

"That's cool.  As long as she's peaceful."  Woolsey stared at him.  "There's plenty of peaceful species."

"Is there any sort of identification manual?"

"Many books that have many species.  Just an outright guide?  No.  I think someone's working on one for the new slayers.  Cleveland's library is bigger than our combined armories and the gate room in area."

"Hmm."  He nodded.  "If they do can you get us a copy?"

"Sure."  He sent that at Xander, who mumbled back to ask Sam, he was working on it.  "Xander said Sam Winchester's working on it."

"Good.  When he gets it done let me know please."  He made that note for himself so he wouldn't forget.  It could be an asset to the program.  "Let's break this up so I can call that conference."  They left.

***

John looked at the disgruntled guard stomping in a few minutes later.  "What's wrong?"

"Families get first pick of the new off-base housing."

John nodded.  "Because the kids would need their second parent.  How many does that leave short?"

"Twelve or so."

"The current rule for day passes and weekend passes is a three hour journey in normal traffic."  The guy stared at him.  John stared back.  "If they were to move closer, that would be an option.  Even without base housing and some won't want it because of all the rules.  Even if it is cheaper."

The guard nodded.  "What about other bases?"

"You'd have to clear that with Woolsey and Landry I think.  They were talking about that being an option or the other facilities we have around town."

"So, normal traffic, three hours, that's a lot of area."  He considered it.  "If my wife could get transferred out this way...."

"Exactly," he agreed with a grin.  "Then you would be more than welcome to apply for weekend leave and day passes to see her."

"Thanks, Sheppard.  Some of us thought you got perks."

"Mine lives about a half-hour away.  Plus I've been working on the shielding stuff again.  Xander snores mentally when he's asleep."  The guy laughed, walking off shaking his head.  He went to check with Woolsey.  "I told him about the three hour rule."

"If they want to move closer on their own, that's more than acceptable," he agreed.  "That does cover a lot of area."

"That's what I told him."  He leaned on the doorframe.  "How many will that include?"

"About half the disgruntled population," he admitted dryly.

"Even better.  I'll have someone figure that out on a map for them."  He went to find someone to do that.  The guy who was local should know.  "Find a map, mark the three-hour travel radius on it for those who have families.  That's the limit for day and weekend passes for family visits and causal time off."

"Why me?"

"You're a local."

"Good point."  He moved to his computer to find a good map so he could mark that.  He had been to most of the local towns for one reason or another over the years.  He knew how hellish traffic could be at times.  He marked that as well.  The line shrunk considerably during heavy traffic hours.  He went to post it in the lounge area.  "Sheppard said to mark off the three-hour mark for you guys.  The inner circle is three hours in heavy traffic."  The ones in there nodded.  "For families to move into so we can get weekend passes, guys."  They got up to examine it.  Most of them had families, even if they were just parents or siblings.  He went back to his actual job.  His family lived outside of it.  He could escape the nagging!

Sheppard caught him smirking on his way back from the caf for coffee.  "Your family home is how far outside the three hours?"

"About an hour," he said smugly.

"If you make your mother cry on us we're shipping you there," he warned, taking a sip.  The guy grumbled but was still smiling.  "Three hours in case of emergencies.  I'm sure you know shortcuts."

"Of course.  If I take one of the back roads I can make it in two and a half."  He walked off still happy enough.

Rodney stopped him.  "You're from this water-drenched area of mosquitoes, right?"

"Yes I am, Doctor McKay.  Within a few hours."

"Will we have problems if there's an earthquake?"

"The water does move from the pictures I've seen and it can cause waves, including mini tsunami ones according to the news.   I don't think we'd have to worry about the actual shaking as much as we would the waves."

"Good!  I've planned for that and the question got asked but our hydro people had no idea."  He walked off happier with that.  They'd prepare just in case but it'd be fine.

The guy shook his head.  Scientists were strange sometimes.  Even after all the time he'd spent here.

"Xander suggested we make somewhere like that show," John joked with a grin from his spot up the hall.

"Eureka?" he asked.  John nodded.  "I can see our scientists blowing up the town and creating apocalypses like they did," he said dryly.  He went to write his mother an email.  That way he'd have some more sanity in his life.  Maybe the nagging wasn't so bad after all.

John finished his trek back to his office.  "Show?" Woolsey asked.

John paused, looking at him.  "Spying?" he joked.

"No.  We had a glitch in camera twelve.  We had to redirect it and caught that mention."

"I've got the files from Xander so I can watch it.  I'll copy a set for you."  He went to do that.  Woolsey would be amused.  He could use the amusement.  He was turning bitter again.

Woolsey settled in to watch it.  Really, the concept wasn't too bad but it probably wasn't doable at the moment.  He did send that suggestion to the generals.  It had been made and it wasn't a bad idea.  Not like they could keep Atlantis in the bay forever.  Maybe after Sheppard retired so they wouldn't have to deal with Xander and Tony?

***

O'Neill read his email instead of going to a meeting he didn't want to go to, looking that show up online.  There were episodes on the website of the station that showed it so he caught a few, giggling through most of it.  Yeah, he could see that for Atlantis.  And hey, they'd have a good police force with DiNozzo, Harris, and DiNozzo's team.

Even if it was slightly insane.  He was bored!

***

Landry looked up the show, finding what it was about.  He'd heard that suggestion from Carter.  It ... might work.  But it'd take a long time to do it.  They'd have to set it up so the main base was included.  He sent that to O'Neill.  It wasn't hockey season, he hated paperwork so it wasn't getting done by him, and he was in DC so he could suggest it easier.  It'd cure his boredom for a bit and they did have to figure out a permanent placement for Atlantis.

That let him get back to chewing out people for causing more problems in the universe.  How Mitchell and Carter had turned a bottle of tequila into an intergalactic incident he wasn't sure.  Hopefully it wouldn't happen again!

***

Xander curled up on his couch, yawning a lot.  He was still tired.  The dog was tired.  "Nap?" he asked his dog.

The dog stared at him, then hopped up beside him.  He stared outside then at him.

"I know, I should be working but I don't have anything specific I have to do outside practice stuff.  We can nap."  Muffin wagged her tail, curling up on top of the daddy's chest when he laid down.  He didn't wiggle on the couch so it was more comfortable for them both.  Xander petted her, letting himself fall asleep.  It was a good day for a nap.  A bit coolish with the winds and the expected rain.  The sun was at a good angle so it wasn't bothering them.  And hey, the demons that took them once they were asleep weren't going to be mean to them.  He hoped.

Chapter 11: Plotting Puny Plots

Is it the demons that're confused or the Higher Ups?  Because someone got something wrong somewhere.

Tony's head slowly lifted, staring up at the ceiling.  "That's not good," he muttered.

"DiNozzo, mind on the case," Gibbs complained.

"Hey, um, boss, do we think it's a bad thing if that link suddenly went mute?"

Gibbs stared at him.  "Shielding I hope?"

"No, and not a 'dead' sort of mute either."  He frowned, calling John.  The link between them was fainter but still there.  John was in a full panic.  He got him calmed down.  They talked about it quickly.  Yeah, that was a bad thing.  He emailed Cleveland.  He got one back from Dawn saying that they hadn't heard anything but they'd ask and ask Connor to see if his contacts in LA knew anything.  He sent back a thank you but a minute later she sent him one saying Sam Winchester was also missing.  "Aw, fuck," he muttered at his monitor.

"Case related?" Gibbs demanded.

"Sam Winchester and Xander are both apparently missing."

"How?  Or why?" Gibbs asked a bit too calmly.

Tony looked at him.  "They're both seers, boss, and seers are the first ones that get taken out when you start a move toward power."  John sent something.  He had went astral but Whistler couldn't find them either.  "Huh.  The higher ups can't find them either.  This is not good."  He sent a message to someone else he knew, Bobby Singer.  He'd help them if they could find them.  Connor's team sent him one, letting him tell John.  That was a bad thing.  Tony gathered stuff.  "Boss, I'm going on leave of absence.  I have no idea how long it'll be before I finish stomping the demons who have Xander and Sam."  He grabbed a few last things and headed out.  John said he'd meet him in LA.  He walked off the elevator, heading toward his car.  Unfortunately he ran into the director.

"DiNozzo, are you sick?" she asked.  "Or going to question someone?"

"No, I'm going to go kill the ones who have my spouse hostage."  He glared at her.  "Since they kidnaped him.  I told Gibbs I'm on a leave of absence."

"You can't," she said.  "That's not legal."

"They're demons, we don't arrest them, Director.  There's no legal precedent for arresting a cult of demons."  She shuddered.  "Since they're going after seers, tell Gibbs to watch over Abby closer."  He opened his car door and slid in, starting it and backing out with a squeal of tires.

She stared at his taillights for a moment then went up to Gibbs' desk.  "DiNozzo is really pissed but he said to watch Abby for some reason?"

Gibbs stared at her.  "McGee."

"Going to check on her, boss.  She's not on IM."  He jogged down to the lab.  She wasn't there.  Or in the bathroom.  Or the morgue.  Fortunately he caught her coming back from the break area.  "Gibbs wants you."

"Why are you panicking?"

"Tony said to watch you since they took Xander and Sam Winchester," he said quietly.  "Something about seers."

She shook her head.  "Not me.  Not my gift."

"Gibbs still wants you."  She nodded, following him up there.  "She was on lunch, boss."

"I'm not a seer, Gibbs."

He stared at her.  "Your mother's a what?"

"Deaf lady?"  He stared at her.  "Oh, that stuff.  Crud."  She stomped a foot.  "You think?"

"He clearly did."

"That's fine.  I'll let you protect me but let me warn my parents."  She moved to McGee's desk to do that.  "I shouldn't need guards, Gibbs."

"I don't care," he said bluntly.  "Let's finish up this case, people.  We have more threats coming."  He found his way into DiNozzo's email, he had his password and had for months.  He also found an email from Doctor Jackson.  That name he knew.  He sent one back to him and Sam Carter.  One of them should be around somewhere able to get a message to spread around.

***

John grabbed his sidearm from his desk.  "Woolsey, I'm going to break military law," he said as he walked out of his office.

He looked him over.  "You're going to shoot an annoying officer?  Because I can put up a bulletproof shield fairly quickly."

"Xander just got kidnaped with the dog."  He listened to the new information.  "So did Sam Winchester."

"Because they're hunters?"

"No, because they're seers.  Not even the Powers can find them at the moment.  Which means they're off-plane."

"Is this the start of an apocalypse?"

"Probably.  Seers are the first alarm system."

"Take them out, be unnoticed a while longer," he said.  "Go."

"Planning on it but I'm raiding the armory for a few things."

"Give me a report later on."  John nodded, going to find that and his tactical gear.  Tony had his in his car.  Woolsey called General Landry, finding his secretary instead.  "Can you please pass on a message that my security head had to take off on an emergency?"

"Of course I can, sir.  What sort was it?  Medical?"

"Tell him Harris and Sam Winchester were kidnaped by someone who wanted to remove seers.  He'll understand."  She nodded, making that note.  "Thank you."  He hung up and considered it, calling him.  "Take Ronon with you," he ordered then hung up on the comm.  He'd probably need the backup.  NCIS was good but not military trained for assaults.

***

John walked into Xander's house, finding his safe.  He knew, and Tony knew, that he had a weapons safe.  They weren't going to complain about it because they knew someday Xander would end up hunting again.  It'd have nearly everything they'd need to destroy that realm.  He opened it and stared.  "Shit," he said in awe.  "I have no idea."  He plucked out a few things and some extra bullets, tucking them into his pockets.  He relocked it, then the house.  "They took the dog too, I guess that's a good thing," he decided, finishing up with the alarm system.  He left, taking the offered ride by the Council's witches.  Tony was doing the same.  The demons who took Xander were in for a world of hurt.  Thankfully Xander's armory had everything he needed to destroy the realms.  Someday he'd have to ask about that stuff.  Unofficially of course.  Without letting Tony know.

***

Tony stepped out of the portal next to Dean Winchester.  "Morning."

"Morning," he said dryly, nodding at John when he walked in.  "Nice gear."

"Thank you.  This thing?"

"Cult," Dean said.  "No known cause, doomsday or anything."

"So why take seers?" Tony asked.

"No clue," Dean admitted.  "So, what do we do?"

"We walk in there, kill their asses, then stomp off into the sunset like the rescuing heros we are," John said.  "And hey, rewards are nice."

"Unlike you two, I don't get rewards that way from Sammy," Dean said sarcastically.  "We're not into that incest stuff."

John shrugged.  "Wasn't our idea either."  He turned on the laser sight on his gun.  "Let's go."  They walked forward.  Dean wasn't badly trained for assaults.  Xander was awake and babbling, tied to an altar.  Sam was still unconscious.  Bleeding from an arm but awake.

"Hey, you don't touch him!  It's not his fault.  He was a baby!  Beyond that, I can't be mated with him.  My husbands would mind!"

"Hellmouth babies and demon born ones are suited to have their bodies and souls mated.  It will create a strong warrior for our needs.  Your husbands are inferior."

"Really?" Tony asked, stepping into the open.  "I don't think I am.  Do you think you are, John?"

"No, I've never been anything but exceptional."  He pointed his gun at the head demon.   "Give us back the boys."

"The process has already started."  He gave them a smug look.  "We will have our warrior."

"Fat chance," Xander said, kicking him at Dean.  Dean took him out.  "The other three are in the back mixing chemicals to insert into Sammy to make him bear their super warrior.  Can anyone pick locks?  I'd like to kick some ass."

Dean came over to undo them both.  "He good?"

"They knocked him out, gave him something swirly pink and blue/purple in a milk looking thing."  He looked around and pointed at the glass.  "In there.  They're going to mix the right chemicals, come back to molest us, get our seed, making the warrior and make Sam carry it.  They consider him stronger."  He rubbed his wrist.  "Anyone bring me something?"

"You're the victim.  No," Tony said.

John snorted, handing him a sword.  "Lead.  I know your temper is fairly high."

"Yes.  It is," he agreed coolly.   He walked into the back room, swinging at the back of the demons.  He killed two.  The other one was only injured.  He looked down at him.  "I think his brother wants to talk to you about that stuff you fed him."

"It will work!  It has to work or we're all doomed!  The Great Evil will come!"

John stared at him.  "Worse than the First?"

"Yes!  He's going to doom us all!  He's a warrior, he should make this sacrifice."

Xander snorted.  "No.  Not happening.  A big evil?  Oooh, yay.  Whatever will the slayers do," he mocked.   "I wonder how it'll be solved."

"Take the notes," John ordered.  "We'll see what's going on."  John and Xander gathered notes.  "Let's go."

"Small problem, the witches might not be able to get us out of here," Xander offered.  "Otherwise they would've had a better chance of rescuing earlier than a week."

"It's been a few hours," Tony said.

Xander shook his head.  "No, it hasn't."  He looked at the living demon.  "Has it?"  He shook his head quickly.  "Why?"

"The warrior must come into being to save us all," he pleaded.  "Or else the Greatest of all Evils will kill everyone."

Xander stared him down.  "Name it."

"I cannot!"

"You can and you will or I'll try to do magic on you, get a vision, and do it anyway!"

The demon moaned, shifting.  "Visions?"

"Visions.  Me, Sam."  He smirked.  "Well?  I'm not that patient."

The demon sobbed, mumbling something.

"What did he say?" Dean asked.

"It translates as Powers," John said dryly.  Tony shuddered.  "Which would be why Cordelia and Whistler couldn't pinpoint a realm but they were worried."

"I tried to go dream walking and can't," Xander told him.  "We're blocked."

"No," Tony said.  "The witches are going to open a portal in a few hours.  They'll send slayers if we're not waiting."

"The realm moves," the demon told him.  "We're not in the same place."

Xander nodded, kicking him.  "Tell me how to end it."

"You cannot fight them!  That's why we need th warrior!"

Xander snorted.  "Honey, I fought with slayers.  I nearly killed the Powers with their last plan to turn me evil.  What makes you think I'm going to give up so easily this time?"

"We cannot!  They will kill us all for fighting against them!"

"Their plans were killing people for fun.  The New Powers said so," John said.

"No!  They are angry!"

"Sweetie, Cordelia and Whistler are the new Powers That Be."  The demon sobbed.  "That means they have all the slayers and everyone else behind them.  Including us.  If they need a special warrior, they'll ask.  Not take.  Taking was the old Powers.  Now, how do we get home to warn them?"

"You cannot leave until the warrior is ready.  Until he's trained."

Xander nodded once.  "Then train me."

"No, it can't be a seer," the demon said, getting to his knees.  "The visions make you unsuitable for that job."

"It didn't stop me in the battle against the First Evil," Xander said.

"Your strength is why you were chosen out of all the hellmouth babies," the demon told him.  "It will go into them."

"Strength like his comes from circumstances, not by birth," Tony said.  The demon moaned.  "You can't make a child between to men.  It doesn't work that way in humans."

"We have a way around that," he said, looking at Dean.  "Surely you understand.  They will destroy everyone."

"You knock my baby brother up and it'll be me destroying everyone," he promised.  Tony patted him on the back.  He heard a moan.  "Sammy?" he called.  "You awake?"

"I must transfer it soon.  It may hurt, that's why we gave him the mercy of sleeping through it.  I'm trying to protect him.  They would come after them both."

"They already tried their crackhead plan to get us to go evil," Xander told him.  The demon stared at him.  "It started with the marriage.  They wanted us to be turned together and go take out the excess fighters on the light."

"He got pissed enough that he nearly released all his hellmouth taint on the astral plane," John agreed.

"Wouldn't that destroy everything?" Dean asked.

"Everything connected.  There'd be a few people left," Xander said with a smile.  "I wasn't real rational at that time."

"So you pulled your own Rosenburg?"

"No, I only wanted to hurt two beings, and I was going to focus it into them instead of generically across the astral plane.  Most everyone would've been fine unless they were up there dream walking, Dean.  I never had the intention of destroying the world, I never sucked black magic and hurt those who were trying to stop me, and I never lost it that way.  I just got really, really angry."

Tony nodded.  "He got so pissed."

"Dude, what is it with those of us who're decent hunters doing an apocalypse?" Dean asked.  "Sammy's demon wanted to do one, even though Sammy didn't want to follow him or have himself be tainted.  You pulled yours.  If I had to create a soul deal to save Sammy I would have and all the visions said that would've brought hell to earth for good.  Summers?"

"She didn't know she was going to be raised," Xander admitted.  "Didn't want it.  She had earned her reward and Willow lied about her being in a hell dimension."

Dean shuddered.  "More of that blindness to what she wants being the most necessary."  Xander nodded.  "That sucks."

"It does.  Though, did your dad nearly cause an apocalypse?  I'm told he was one of the better hunters out there.  I would've asked him to mentor me if I could have."

Dean gave him a dirty look.  "Dad was good but he was a hardass."

"Dean, the girls and Giles never taught me anything," Xander told him.  "I learned it all on my own.  A bit of hardass would've been nice at times."

"Nothing?" he demanded.  "Not ducking, not staking, nothing?"

"No.  I got the nice advice of duck to the side to keep from being grabbed, the pointy end goes in the heart.  They're stronger and faster so don't get grabbed."

"Aw, shit, dude.  Yeah, Dad would've if you had told him that."

"He left before I could do more than say a quiet thank you for helping drain all of that black magic she sent at me."

"Handle it and fade," Sam said as he came in rubbing his head.  "What's going on?"

"They want to make a super warrior from the both of us," Xander told him. "Because the old Powers have a plan."

"Fuck them," Sam said.  "Why us?"

"Hellmouth taint and demon taint works well together," Tony said dryly.  "We may also be trapped here."

"Okay," Sam said.  "Why are we trapped here?"

"They sealed it and moved it, it's constantly changing according to them," John said.

"Huh."  He looked at the demon, scowling.  "Why?"

"The old Powers are going to be a problem, the chosen warrior you were going to carry would be going against them," Xander said with a grin.  "Being a seer means for some reason we're not good enough."

"Huh," Sam said, shaking his head.  "I haven't had any in a while."

"Me either."

"They can send visions," the demon told him.  "It could bring down the warrior, make him vulnerable."

Sam nodded slowly at that.  "Mine didn't come from them.  They can't send them to me from what I've researched.  Xander's may be different for that, but that leaves the rest of us, dude.  Me and Dean are hunters.  Tony's a federal agent.  John's a soldier.  Xander's just strange but damn good most of the time."  Xander smirked at him for that.  "You aren't exactly the normal hunter that we're used to, Xander.  Most of them aren't quite as ...bouncy."  The dog came in to sniff at them.   "Good, they didn't leave you alone.  How long will this take in real time?"

"We'll know when they reemerge and this realm will be ended," the demon told him. "Which is why time is of the essence.  We were doing what was necessary to protect all of everyone, human and demon," he told Dean, begging again.

"I get that part, but I don't like the method."  He looked at his little brother.  "Unless you wanna be a baby's momma?"

"No.  Not my thing.  I'd have a lot of problems wrapping my mind around being pregnant.  Xander might be easier at it.  He's used to the improbable and impossible going on.  He used to date it."

"Anya wasn't improbable."

"Not arguing about impossible?" Tony teased with a grin.

"Nope.  Not some days."  He sighed, looking at the demon.  "What do we need to know?"

"They can still bring you down by trapping you in a vision," the demon said.

"I'm used to being the backup to slayers.  I can do it this time too.  Train them, send us back to the same point in time so they don't get into trouble and no one freaks."  The demon gaped.  Xander stared him down.  "You won't get a kid to train.  Even if it happened, neither of us would let you treat the baby like a slayer.  You want to train warriors, we're all at least partially trained.  It'll be faster plus we're used to the information.  Not as much to learn."

"I...."  He considered it.  "That's not how the prophecy led us."

"What prophecy?" Xander asked.  They stared at him.  "What?"

"Let's see it before you warp it," John said with a smile, patting him on the back.

"Those needed to be warped," Xander pointed out.  "Or else we'd have been missing Buffy since tenth grade.  Graduation would've been nearly impossible if we had Faith, since Kendra was too rigid to accept help.  She was great and a good fighter but she had nothing to anchor her but the fight."

"Faith would've been there for graduation probably," Tony said, considering it.  "Would she have let you guys help?"  Xander shrugged.  "Hmm, which would've been a problem."

"I asked her that once," Xander admitted with a smile.  "Pointed that out when some of the minis broke into our talk while I was in Africa.  They said they needed me to warp one they had going.  Faith joked about it but that's what I pointed out.  She wasn't sure if she could've handled grad.  The minis were horrified at that thought and that one thanked me for warping that one.  Faith too.  Then think about Kennedy handling the Initiative."  They all burst out laughing at that.  No, Kennedy wasn't the sort of slayer who could handle bad things.  She had some strange ideas sometimes, mostly about her right to be spoiled.

"Or god, the Glory stuff," Sam said with a shudder.  "We would've went through three then."

"I can't see Kennedy making it through that, especially not with the sudden inclusion of Dawn.  She would've freaked majorly," Xander agreed.  "She's a bit straight thinking sometimes."

Dean nodded.  "Just a bit."  He looked at Sam then at the demon.  "Prophecy?"  The demon got up and went to get it for them.  He handed it to Sam.  "Why him?"

"He's the chosen mother.  It speaks of him."

Sam looked at him.  "I'm not the only one the demon tainted."

"You're the only one left alive," Xander said.  Sam shuddered.  "Sorry."

"No, it's a good point."  He read it over, frowning.  "It's in a strange language."

Xander snatched it to look over.  "Want it literal or meaning?"

"Meaning, we'll go over literal in a few minutes," Dean decided.

"Whistler's job shifting was the key to this one.  It says when the one who preaches balance, Whistler, shifts his role in destiny and accepts that balance isn't what he thought then the power behind the throne would show their ire and anger.  That their intentions would shift to getting what they hadn't earned, which probably means their power to rule over the chosen.  At that time, a chosen warrior will be brought into being from the past by merging a baby of the sinking power to hell and one who was tainted by the highest of the high.

"The ones who bring them into being shall train them to hold against the struggle that the former chosen will have as their calling is called into question and are pulled by both sides.  It looks like the warrior will step in to uphold them and help them find their new spot but also help protect them from the old Powers, and everyone else too."  He looked up.  "Basically it looks like Connor's job only as a bouncer for the old Powers trying to get people back for kicking them to the curb."  He handed it to Sam again.

"So we're doing what we're already doing, only we need to be able to tell the old Powers to piss off," Dean said, nodding at that simplification.  "While protecting the girls from being pulled by both sides."

"He's one who would be pulled," the demon said, waving at Xander.  "Because of who gave him his visions."

"The preacher's fingernail?" Xander said dryly.

"What?" the demon asked.

"A minion of the First popped my eye, that's when the visions started."

"You had one with the magic poisoning," John corrected.  "From beneath you it devours.  Which was what scared the crap out me.  It made me go to O'Neill and tell him about everything since you'd be there without outside support."

"Which is why we got their help with the First," Xander said.  John smirked and nodded.  "You told them that far back?"

"I took Tony's fact file on Sunnydale and gave it to him so someone would know when things started to happen because the vision meant it'd be even worse.  I couldn't see how worse it could get without some super apocalypse," John told him.

Xander shrugged.  "It worked out and even Willow had to admit some military personnel weren't bad and evil."  He punched him on the arm.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  He fluffed the back of Xander's hair.  "Time for a trim."

Xander grimaced.  "I don't care.  The dog doesn't care.  If you care that much, take me to get a trim."  He smirked.  Then he squatted down to pet the dog.

"Xander, you said a warrior from the past is coming back?" Tony asked.  Xander looked up at him.  "You said 'a chosen warrior will be brought into being from the past'."  Xander nodded slowly.  "Are we talking a rebirth or are we talking like Buffy was brought back?  Because if not, we're talking about Buffy."

"Huh.  Well, she doesn't fit the next part about how it comes to be," he admitted.  He had a sudden thought.  "Dean, that prophecy that we diverted by you not making a deal to save Sam's life?"

"I would've went to hell, been called back, which would've loosed hell on earth eventually."

"Merging a baby of the sinking power to hell and one who was tainted by the highest of the high.  That could have related back to that prophecy.  That hellgate was a portal to hell, and the chosen would be considered a baby of the portal when it opened, and he would've been tainted.  So bringing you back....."

"How would that make you be a baby of a sinking power to hell?" John asked, looking confused.

"When you open a portal that way, it changes you," Sam told him quietly.  "You basically warp it since you're controlling it, even for a second.  If it's stronger than you, it infects you, basically tainting you.  If you're stronger then you'll taint it, becoming a new force for forging it.  So either you become, basically, a parent or a child to it."

Xander nodded.  "Giles used to worry about how Willow was being warped by the old hellmouth.  That's what he called it one night while partially drunk right after she lost it and went all magic addiction.  She became a child to the portal and a conduit to do its bidding."

"Which would lead back to Sammy," Dean said.  "And me being the warrior it talks about?"  Xander nodded.  "Huh.  Well, I can do that."

"Not without support," Xander assured him, looking at the horrified looking demon.  "That would make sense, yes?"

"Yes, but it said a strong warrior clan of demon would bring the child into being."

Xander looked it over, shaking his head.  "It says a strong line of warriors will bring it into being."

"Our mother's family hunted," Sam said, looking at Dean.

"Dad's another in that strong line," he agreed, looking unhappy.  "But I didn't die."

"Which invalidates it unless we can bring one back," the demon said quickly.  "Unless we can make a new champion."

"It'd make more sense to free one," John said calmly, looking at Tony, who looked confused.  "Freeing one would mean that he would be able to do it of his own free will."  Dean and Sam both gave him horrified looks.  "Gives him new purpose than to nag you two."

"Yeah, but it'd still be bringing back the dead.  The dead should stay dead.  We already salted and burned him."

"He's not in hell either," Sam said.

"That's right, I got him out," Xander agreed dryly.  Dean smacked him on the head.  "What!"

"I wondered what you were muttering during the battle."

"Freeing the hunters that had to make deals for the good of all."  He shrugged.  "It happens sometimes.  I'm evil that way," he finished sarcastically.  "Hello," he said, spotting someone blipping in.  "You would be?"

"Before you warped that prophecy you would have known me," he said dryly, staring at him then at Dean.  "This one will not happen.  It's not needed.  They already have people who can shield them."

"Jack and Daniel?" Tony guessed.  "They've been doing some of that from the higher ups in the government."

Xander nodded.  "I had to help shield some from the FBI last week when that Epps guy called about a slayer working in town."

The being stared at him.  "Who are you?"

He grinned.  "Xander."

"Ah!"  He nodded once.  "You're not in either side's plans.  Did you realize this?"  Xander nodded.  "For how long now?"

"Since I did CPR and brought Buffy back to life.  Clearly not in the Codex so not in the Powers' plans.  The dark didn't exactly want her brought back either."

"Good thinking, Xander.  Still a bit warping.  Much too warping."

Xander nodded.  "That happens sometimes when you're dealing with hellmouths and don't count on how the radiation moves."  The angel stared at him.  He smirked back.   "I figure there's a reason it tried to hug me too."

"That could be, but that's dangerous."

"For them."  He stared.  "If that's what has to happen it does."

John stepped between them, staring at the angel.  "Not happening without backup."

"It's not planned," he admitted.  "But it is a possible outcome.  He has guarded them for many years without them realizing it."  He stared at both husbands.  "Isn't that your job to stop?"

"Or aid and abet," Sam added, looking at him.  "So, is it a warrior team, are we calling a soul back, or are we going to have to knock someone up?"

"Straight answers only please, cryptic is going to give me a headache," Dean said.

"And I'm without caffeine again," Xander said cheerfully, hugging John so he could rest his chin on his shoulder to beam at the angel.  "And which side are you on?"

"The Lord's."

"Which is a total third side to this fight," Xander pointed out.  "It's you guys who have to worry about the normal people while we worry about the hunters, slayers, and champions."

"Doing this will impact the normal people," the angel said.

"Yes, but so will us not doing this when you guys get a sudden influx," Tony said with a small shrug.  "If you're voting, give us one."

The angel considered it then looked up and back at him.  "We will aid in the mission to protect the champions who protect us all."  He stared at Xander.  "If you don't warp this one."

"Half the time I don't even know I've warped it until later," Xander pointed out.  "Give me an idea of what I shouldn't do and I'll try."

"The last battle...."

"I was in Africa for."

The angel stared.  "You weren't in LA?"

Xander shook his head, letting go of John and walking to stand beside him.  "No.  I was in Africa dealing with the unfound slayers over there.  That day I was dealing with a Native American demon who came to help his cousin take over some lands with the one I was training."

The angel stared.  "That is not what we have noted."

"Then I'd check," Xander said.  "Unless I went back in time to help with LA."

"No, that's not what we have either.  We have you faithfully following the girls into combat."

"No, not in this realm.  I needed time to grieve."

"I know of that part but we thought you got back sooner."

"They didn't even tell me.  The only reason I knew about it was the visions I got about it."

"You're not supposed to have visions."

"Please take the brain ripping things then," he offered.  "I'm sure Sam would say the same damn thing.  I know Cordy did with hers."

The angel moved closer to him.  "May I read you?"

"Go for it."  He put his hands out to the side, letting the angel touch him on the face with one hand and the wrist on the other.  The hand on his wrist went to his chest.  "Need me to drop my anti-possession shield?"

"Please."  Xander concentrated and it went down.  He glowed a little bit.  The angel glowed a bit.  The angel's glow got brighter until the light was really bright and encompassing both of them then they separated and the angel stepped back.  "You're not the one who was written into our books.  He was with you though.  You have senses of him."

"Jesse?"  He nodded.  "The vamps got him before the harvest," he said quietly.

"Hmm.  Which is where our own prophecy is wrong then."

"Which is screwy since vamps never came after me that night," Xander pointed out.  "They went after Willow and Jesse."

"Why not you?" Dean asked.  "The dangerous ones go after you to have you but not to kill you?  That's always irked me, dude."

"Xander has this ability to not be seen.  To be overlooked," the angel said, smiling at him.  "Which has helped him in many ways, even when it does bother him."

"Yeah, how do I turn that off?  Because even when I'm saving asses they don't see me."

"Those who need to see you do, sometimes in hindsight but that's their blindness, not that skill," the angel told him.  "For that she'll be kicked around at her judgement.  Again."  He sighed.  "All right.  There's already warped prophecies."

"If it was supposed to be Jesse there, of course it's warped.  He doesn't fit into the same holes," Sam said.

"The Powers' prophecies don't mention any helpers at all, Sam," Xander told him.  "The Powers didn't want her to have more help than the watchers.  I was warping then by jumping in and bringing Willow."

The angel nodded.  "You did.  Thank you."  Xander grinned.  "Even though it hurt her at times."

"While I'm damn sorry about that time before the battle, at the time I honestly didn't think it was her.  She's not the same Buffy.  Not after heaven and all that."

"No one ever is when they're called back."  He smirked.  "Not after a few deaths."

Xander nodded.  "Or even so long in battle.  So now what?  You guys are on the wrong book.  The old Powers are power hungry and think I'm in their way at times.  The new Powers are still consolidating but they had some help making new battle plans."

"The new Powers are strong.  They're stubborn."

"You should've tried dating Cordy," Xander said dryly.

"Cordy?" the angel asked.

"The new female side of the Powers, Cordelia?"

"No, that's not who we have.  We have Illyria."

"No, that's Fred.  Cordelia, his seer, my former girlfriend, ascended due to her visions killing her and then took over when the Powers fled because I was about to destroy the astral plane with hellmouth energy.  I got a bit pissed at their idea of turning me evil to take out their extra champions."

"Us," John corrected.  "They were going to have you turn us to help you."

Tony shuddered.  "I can't imagine me as a vampire."

Sam looked at them then at Xander.  "So he was going to be evil, I was going to be evil.... Dean, were you going to be evil too?"

"No, if that prophecy hadn't been warped by Xander, he would've been our champion," the angel said, staring at them, then back at Xander.  "Let me confer.  I will be back shortly."  He disappeared.  That put a major kink in things.  The heavenly book was wrong!  That had never happened before!

Xander looked at Tony.  "So it wasn't just me, it was them getting confused.  That's good to know."

Tony and John hugged him.  "We like you anyway," Tony assured him.

"Aww, mush," Dean said dryly, walking off shaking his head before it infected him.  Sam followed to give them some privacy.

John kissed the back of Xander's hair.  "We like you without you having warped anything," he said quietly.

"It kinda sucks to realize that I've done all this because they got the wrong person."

"It does," Tony agreed, smiling at him.  "But you still managed it and earned respect, not just because you did it but because *you* did it, and you didn't have to."

Xander smiled.  "That makes it a little bit better."  Another being appeared.  "We're still here."

"Of course we're not wrong, boy."

Xander got free and walked over.  "I'm not Jesse.  I'm Xander.  You guys had Jesse and Jesse got turned when Buffy came to town."  The angel put a hand on his head and glowed but then stepped back, looking horrified.  "What?  Too much hellmouth energy sucked up?  Not my fault no one taught me how to shield," he said dryly.  "You'd figure Giles might do that when he had the book out to teach Buffy shielding so I wouldn't have gotten possessed again."

The angel stared at him.  "You are not in our plans.  We have to...."

Tony cleared his throat.  "The one in your plans died during the Harvest."

"Because he got pushed into my stake," Xander agreed.

"That was not meant to be!" the angel threatened, pulling up power.

Xander shoved him.  "Then you should've been watching and not had the vamps going near him that night.   It's not like I wanted to kill the only person who gave so much of a damn about me!  The only one who saw me for who and what I fully was!  Even now I don't get seen for the whole person I am!"  He shoved him again.  "If you planned on him that much then you should've protected him!  Don't you dare blame your failings on me!"  He shoved him again.  The angel disappeared.

The first one came back.  "He'll kill you, don't do that."

"Fuck him and the goddess he rode in on," Xander said bluntly, glaring at him.  "I'm not going to be blamed by the higher ups for them not doing their own fucking job.  I was sixteen years old.  No one had told me anything by that point.  I'm sure as hell not going to be blamed for him sleeping too long one day."

"No, you're not.  He's pissed because it was his job and he failed," the angel said calmly, moving forward.  "Can you maybe calm down before the remains of that taint come out here and you all die when you get sucked into the void?"

Xander growled but John pulled him closer.  "He'll calm down soon.  You might send that one away though."  The angel looked back at the other one, who huffed and glared, but pulled a sword.

Dean shot the second angel from the other room, walking that way.  "Gotta love a Colt," he said dryly, staring at the dead body then at the first one.  He put the gun back.  "Now that the supposed good that's really evil is gone..... now what?  Apparently we're stuck here, we need to get a warrior trained to shield the slayers, and we have to get Xander calmed down again.  Dude, glowing."  Xander growled but concentrated, putting back up his shields.  "John, Tony....  I think there's a room on the other side of this one."  They walked Xander off by force to calm him down.   "Sorry."

"I'm not.  It's that strength that we need to defeat this last power move."  He smiled.  "And yes, you will need a warrior but not just one.  There'll be many places that need helpers."

"Like in that anime with the women who wear the special bracelets that transform them into porno costumes with super powers?" Xander called from the outer room.  "And their male guards that keep dying from the demon queen?"

"I don't watch anime," the angel called.

Sam leaned in, smirking at him.  "Basically, it's analogous.  What if there was a holy order or something that could defend the girls?  Like maybe the Order of St. Andrew or something?"

"The one in Crimea?"

Sam handed over the book.  "They were going to use it to teach the kid that I was going to be made to carry."

The angel looked at the book.  "They're good, and hidden fairly well, but they wouldn't do for this."  He handed it back.  "That is an idea however.  Thank you, Samuel.  That has redeemed some of your taint."

"Not like I could've stopped him when I was six months old," Sam said bitterly.  "I would've rather not had it be us."

"Don't wish!" Xander yelled.

"I'm not!"

"I saw what happened when I wished Mom had lived," Dean sighed, rubbing his forehead.  "Not like there's wish demons up here, Xander."  Xander walked in a small figurine, putting it on the floor and kicking it a few times until it woke up, then left.

The ones in there looked at the figurine.  "What?  We needed to know what's going on.  We don't like the old Powers any more than you guys do.  D'Hoffryn got really pissed that his mates stopped Harris from destroying them."

Xander came back to look down at her.  "It might've destroyed more than that."

"So?  He wouldn't have cared."

"Good point."  He walked off shaking his head.

The angel shook his head quickly.  "We're trying to figure that out right now.  When we do I'm sure someone will hear us."

She huffed.  "I never hear the good gossip."  She stamped a tiny bronze foot then went lifeless again.

"Things like that happen around Xander but I don't think I'll ever get used to it," Sam said.

The angel shook his head.  "Definitely a new one to me too."  He looked at them.   "There's a few orders that may work that way.  There's also...."  He looked up and smiled.  "There's a chosen warrior that will be given to one of the special orders we have spread around.  We knew that hunters couldn't do everything for our side.  Too many have to move to the wrong side to get things done."

"Because being a white knight gets draining," Xander agreed as he came back.

"It does," he said, staring at him.  "We like you learning how to forge weapons by the way."

"Does that mean they want me out of the way too?"

"No.  Many of us thought that the girls could use some sense.  They need warriors behind them to help them.  They're still young.  By the time they get to the point you're at, they're just as jaded and weary of the fight.  Then they die sooner.  It was a wise move to shift yourself into another skill set and be backup and a teacher."

"Teacher?" he asked, looking confused.  "Half of the girls decided I ran away, dude."

"That's their problem and they will be learning better."  He smirked.  "Growing up is like that for most everyone."  He disappeared.

"How do we get home?" Dean shouted.

"Wait for the rescue," Xander said with a small shrug.  "Learn new things while we're here?"  He walked off again, grimacing.  "He thinks I should teach."

"I'm sure sometime you'll have a young thing wanting to hunt coming to you," Tony admitted.  Xander relaxed at that.  Tony gave him a cuddle but John stole him.  "We'll do what we have to do, Xander.  We're all like that."

Xander nodded.  "We will."  He rested between them.  It was nice and comforting.  The dog got some attention but otherwise she was happy to watch them cuddle.  For now.  She'd want to play in a bit.

***

Gibbs looked up as someone came up to his desk with a sealed envelope.  "Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs?" he asked quietly.

"I am.  Who're you?"

"A messenger."  He handed over the letter with a smile.  "It's not their fault they're stuck.  Someone was using it to try to do the right thing."  He left, disappearing from the elevator.

"It's not often you get a strange message; usually that's Tony," Ziva joked.

Gibbs grimaced, opening the envelope to read the message inside.  He grabbed his sidearm and jacket.  "McGee, you're in charge.  The rescue mission DiNozzo went on got trapped."  He left, hurrying down to his car.  He had things he needed to gather before he showed up in Cleveland.

"Okay then," McGee decided.  "Back to work, Ziva.  We still have an open case to solve and then we'll figure it out."  He got back to work, scowling.  What now?  Another apocalypse?

***

O'Neill looked up as someone dropped an envelope on his desk and left.  He read what was inside, frowning at it.  He paged Cam Mitchell to vid call him immediately.  Jack wasn't able to move at the moment.  He had screwed up his bad knee to the point he was in a brace.  He should be in traction and having it replaced but he was being stubborn.  This time he'd armchair-general it.

"Sir," Mitchell said as his head appeared in the monitor.  "You look like shit, general."

"My knee's beyond screwed the pooch," he admitted dryly, sending him the letter.  "I'm delegating to the next best thing, you and Danny boy."

He read it over then nodded once.  "How do we get there?"

"Talk to Cleveland."

"Oh, them," he said flatly.  "Is it important?"

"From that, yeah.  I know Sheppard went on immediate emergency leave to go rescue his husband."

"Ah!  That one is involved.  That makes more sense."

"Gibbs probably got the same information since DiNozzo went from what I've heard in gossip around town."

"I'll meet him in Cleveland.  Thanks for this, did you think we were bored?"

"Usually unless you're under fire," he quipped back with an evil smirk.

"As long as I don't end up married," he muttered.

Jack burst out laughing.  "I doubt that'd happen.  His aunts don't like you that way."

"Thank you," he said looking up.  He looked at the general again.  "Going, sir."  He hung up and went to tell Landry and the others.  "O'Neill's sending us in his place since he's screwed his knees worse than usual."  He handed over the note, going to get his gear.  "Daniel, get the team together, gear up.  We're heading to Cleveland."

"Why do we need gear for Cleveland?" Sam called from her office.

"To save Sheppard and them."

"Shit," Daniel yelped, coming out wiping at the coffee he had spilled on himself.  "Now?"

"Yeah.  They're trapped where they went to rescue Xander and Sam Winchester.  Landry has the note."  He finished his trek to his rooms.

Daniel moaned, going to gather what he needed.  He got the note from Landry on the way to the gate room.  They could be beamed to Cleveland.  They knew about them.

***

Giles looked up in alarm when bells and alarms started going off.  "We're being invaded?" he demanded as he came out of his office.

"Not quite, Giles," his slayer/secretary said.  They went down to see what was going on.

Buffy was staring at Daniel.  "You guys are invading?" she demanded.

"No, we were sent to help rescue the trio and the Winchesters," Daniel said, handing over the note.

She read it over.  "Why did they want Xander?  He's a goofball.  Demons don't want him that way.  They want to sleep with him or kill him."

"Which would be wrong since he's married," another slayer pointed out.

Daniel stared at her.  "You mean besides the fact that they took Sam Winchester?" Daniel asked dryly.

"Seers," Buffy said.  "Dawn said something about that.  DAWNIE!"

She came jogging out of the back.  "Hey, guys.  The witches can't find their new realm.  They said they moved it."

"The note has something to help with that and I'm assuming Gibbs does too," Cam said patiently.

"Huh."  She plucked the note, nodding at it.  "Any idea what they took him for?"

"Yes," a male voice said as he walked in behind the team.  He walked around them and bowed to Giles and Buffy.  "We were advised it was our time to fulfill our duties, slayer."

Buffy stared at the man in the priest's clothes.  "Huh?"

"I'm with the Order of St. Alexander," he said with a smile.

"Xander's a saint?" she asked, looking confused.

Daniel stared.  "No, he's from a secret order that's been hiding around the world protecting people who got hurt by the spirit world for centuries."

The priest nodded.  "We are."

"This is coincidence, right?" Cam demanded sarcastically.

"No."  He smiled at him.  "Your only part is the rescue since those who wanted to help were too zealous and mistook a prophecy.  Which then later got translated and the meaning became clearer."

"Did they Xander it?" Dawn asked.

"Indeed.  Well before Xander was created by the information I got told."  He looked at the slayers.  Then at Giles.  "The Order has always supported the slayers' duty, even if they don't support the old Council."

"I've heard of such," he admitted.  "You've taken in some of them that couldn't be trained so they wouldn't be killed and the like."

"We have.  Now we're the ones who will help cushion them from the pulling during the power struggles."

Dawn snapped her fingers, jogging off.  "I just found that one the other day!" she shouted.  She came back with it, handing it to Daniel.  "That's in one you probably read."

He unrolled it, nodding.  "I do read that offshoot of Ancient."  He read it over.  "Hold on, the warrior....."

"They must've taken Sam and Xander because of the descriptions," Dawn said.  "To make a super warrior who'd protect the slayers when the old Powers started their craptastic moves."

"Against Cordelia and Whistler," Daniel finished.  He rerolled it and handed it to her.

"We have that one written on a large obelisk in our main temple," the priest admitted.  "Yes, it has come to pass that the warrior is recalled.  As we were told, the one born would not do at this time.  Especially not with reluctant parents who insist they're strong enough.  Though, the visions will harm those that step in," he told Buffy quietly.  "They can use that against them."

"Then Xander needs to be protected."

"He has his protectors, Miss Summers.  The same as you have yours and now backup to help your girls.  My order is meant to help cushion you girls in your duties.  So the Powers aren't being too pushy."

She smirked.  "To guard us against the pushing between them?"

"That as well.  As such, our Order has long known that we would have to create warriors that could fight beside you."

"A new Templar order of Knights," Giles said, realizing what that meant.

"Yes."  He smiled.  "Among our most cherished relics was a prophecy that some day the old Powers would come to rest outside their domain while new Powers took over.  At that time, it was time for us to bring out our best defense of you chosen girls, someone who could train and help cushion you.  Death has changed some, given them clarity of knowledge or purpose."

"It changed me a lot," Buffy agreed.  "I almost don't want to shop now and then."

The priest laughed.  "You're not the only one that was dead who has been brought back.   As God dictates, so is it our job."

"You'll protect the girls with your skills?" Buffy asked.  "Not work against us?"

"That is not in our orders or within our skill, slayer.  We are meant to be backup.  Not many of us are true warriors as you know it but many of us will try if you let us, or will back you up however we can."

Giles cleared his throat.  "That would be most welcome."  Gibbs showed up in a beam of light.  "That's highly efficient."

"O'Neill demanded," Gibbs said dryly, looking at the priest.  "Bad timing?"

"Convenient timing," Cam told him, staring at the priest.  "It's all tied to why they took Winchester and Harris."

Daniel coughed.  "The ones who took Xander wanted to make a warrior to protect them and the slayers from the Powers going at each other."

"Then DiNozzo and Sheppard got stuck on their rescue," Gibbs said flatly.

"Our witches tried to get to them but they said they moved the realms," Dawn told him.

Gibbs handed over his note.  "Will that help?"

"Is the rest of the coordinates.  Yes."  She handed it off to a watching member of the coven.  "Take them, let them rescue the guys?"  She nodded, leading the team off.  Dawn looked at the priest.  She cast a truth spell.  "Vow that you are not here to hurt the slayers or their lines."

"We are not here to harm the slayers in any way.  Some of us may have strange ideas of helping, including one we had to remove last year for planning how to change the gift to some of the Fathers instead of making young girls do the harsh duty."  He looked at Buffy.  "We pledge ourselves to help you and yours.  More openly than we have for centuries."

She nodded.  "Okay, that's good enough for me."  Dawn canceled the spell.  "Let's go talk about this somewhere more of us can hear and we can all sit around.  Is it just your order?"

"There's two other orders that deal with the supernatural."

"The White Orders were removed in the last century," Giles reminded him.

"They exist even if the Church does not recognize them," the priest corrected.  "As well as the Order of St. Andrew, who has a lot who deal with demons more like the ones the roaming hunters deal with.  They do exorcisms and things," he told Buffy.  "Those sort of demons instead of those who are from other realms or remnants of the Old Ones."

She smiled.  "That's good to know.  We should hold a conference or something."

"We get together in six months to talk about our various duties.  We'll be meeting outside Rome."

"I loved Rome," she sighed, leading him to a sitting room.  "You'll have to bring me and Giles."

"That would be most acceptable, though I would caution that the Order of St. Andrew would not like witches.  They ignore it in the White Order but not always."

"Eeh, Dawn can turn them into gerbils or something for slayer pets then."  She gave him a look.  He smirked at that.  Yeah, this could work.  Backup would be nice.  A whole order of priests like Xander would do her girls good.

***

The portal opened and they were on a small place of glassy rock.  They stepped out, looking around.

The witch next to Daniel handed him something.  "This stone is set to tell you how to get to the portal to there.  It will get warmer as you get warmer.  When it's nearly burning the portal is within a hundred feet.  The stone will activate it for you so you can step through.  Use it in reverse to get here.  Then it will call us to open this one.  Also, the way is not straight.  There's a few dangers that it will avoid, even if you can't see them."  The portal closed.

"It's feeling warmer to the left," Daniel said, letting Cam set the lead.  He grinned at Gibbs.  "Been a while since you had to trek?"

"A bit, but we've had to hike to get to crime scenes too."  He shifted his pack so it was more comfortable and his guns were checked as well.  "Why couldn't they go directly there?"

"It would take a password they didn't have, basically," Sam said.  "I asked."  She smiled.  "I'm translating it down from energy keys."

"Thank you.  I'm used to Abby dumbing it down for me too."  She smirked.  His gun came up when a demon was spotted running their way.  They all stopped to stare at them but it ran around them without seeming to see them.  "Huh."

"Go left," Daniel ordered.  They did that. "Now right again."  He looked down.  "It's a burrow."

"I don't want to know," Mitchell ordered.  "My brain hurts whenever I hear about demons."

"Did too many of them hit on you during the invasion?" Sam Carter teased.

"Too many of them hit me, not hit *on* me, Carter," he said firmly.

"Then I guess I was the only one they hit on," Daniel said dryly, smirking at his teammate.

"Probably.  You do get into trouble that way," Cam shot back.

Teal'c shook his head.  "I was too busy being scared to take notice of any flirting."

"I thought it was cute the girls hit on Sheppard and DiNozzo that night," Gibbs offered.  They stared at him.  "He didn't tell me why he was going to LA on leave.   Just that it'd be a problem.  So when I turned on the news and saw an invasion, I was a bit pissed.  I flew into San Diego and drove up."

Sam Carter shook her head.  "I wasn't there at first but they got me there when Jack called for backup."

"I swear I don't know how the girls didn't piss themselves," Cam said, grimacing.  "Half of them hadn't been in battles."

"They're slayers, that's their calling.  That's why they get the special gifts and the crappy destinies," Sam told him with a small shrug when he looked back at her.  "Before it was only one girl at a time."

"Yeah, I don't think we would've handled that with just one girl, Connor's crew, and whoever else jumped in," Cam said dryly.

"You guys barely managed it with who you had," Gibbs agreed.  "Who were some of those people?"

"Angel and Connor's crew in LA?" Sam asked.  "Or the other hunters that jumped in?"

"That young guy?  About as old as the slayers?"

"Connor.  Angel's son," Daniel told him.  "No, we have no idea how two vampires had a living son before you ask.  That was that law firm's fault."

"Wolfram and Hart," Cam said.  "I saw their new office in Colorado Springs.  Told Landry.  He wanted to go down there with artillery."

"Me too," Sam agreed.  "Think we could get away with it?"

"Send O'Neill.  He probably misses threatening people," Gibbs said.

Teal'c shook his head.  "Send Harris.  He is a good warrior and they know of him probably.  They should be scared of what he might do since his reputation states that he's unpredictable and will do anything to protect the slayers."

"That might be an idea," Cam said with a smirk.  "Thanks for the evil thought, Teal'c."

"It is not evil, it is practical."

"I'm sure the lawyers would see it as evil," Daniel told him.  He felt the stone.  "Warmth to the right."  They moved that way, having to pull Gibbs out of a hole that hadn't been there before.  "I guess the path is narrow here.  The stone doesn't show that."  They all groaned and moved to single file.  That'd be handled easier.

***

Cam stepped through the portal first.  "Comfy?" he asked Sheppard since he was napping and Xander was reading on his shoulder.

"No pillows," Xander mumbled, then looked up at him.  "Huh?"

"Rescue?" Sam said as she walked in.  The demon screamed when it saw her and ran to hide.  "I'm not that mean today," she called after it.  "I even had chocolate with my caffeine today."

Xander snickered, pushing himself off John's shoulder, making him grunt.  "Your people are here."

"Fuck," John muttered, sitting up rubbing his eyes.  "Ten months?" he demanded, looking at them.

"Ten months?" Gibbs demanded.  Tony came out of the back room with a bag and a box.  Sam and Dean did the same.  "Guys, it's a hike."

"We need them," Sam Winchester sighed.  "The demon guy agreed."

"And hey, no baby making between Sammy and Xander," Dean quipped.

"I'm not ready for kids yet," John complained as he stood up.  "Thankfully."  He hauled Xander up.  "Get that food thing you found.  Don't let the portal close, guys."

"Teal'c standing in it," Daniel promised.  "Are you guys okay?"

"Did a lot of training," Dean sighed.  "And a lot of research."  They packed things.  Xander came back with two things, handing Sam the bag and handing Dean the little food making thing.  Sam checked the bag then dumped the box and his bag into it.  Dean did the same thing.  "Will that stay?"

"If not, the witches can retrieve from it.  Thank you for being a good host," Xander called.  "If you have more problems, just tell us!"

"I will so I do not end up trapped with you again," the demon called from his hiding spot.

Muffin came trotting out, sniffing them, barking at Gibbs and Teal'c.  She jumped, trying to get Sam's face so she let her lick her hand instead.  "C'mon," Sam ordered.

Xander clipped on the leash.  "So you don't rush off to chase demons."  He followed them out, letting the guys take the back.

"The bag disappeared," Sam said.

"No it didn't," John told him, pointing at where Tony had it.  "It loves him, still."  That got a nod and they left, starting on their hike.

Daniel finally called a break time, flopping down on the safe trail.  The others did the same.  Sam concentrated and a small fire started.  They all stared at him.  "I learned some stuff too," he defended.

"No creepy magic shit," Dean ordered.

"Fine, then don't eat cooked food, jerk.  Don't complain to me when your ass rebels for *days* of crapping fire!"

"I doubt it will, bitch."

"Guys," Xander warned.  "Headache, me, will beat you."  They settled down.  He pulled out the 'food making thing'.  "Tony found it," he told them.  He petted it and whispered, bringing out food.  The all stared.  "It's edible.  That's how we didn't have to pick someone to use as food."  He looked at Dean.  "We could probably make a stew of you that'd last for years.  Stringy, tough muscles would take that long to cook down."

Dean glared then swatted him on the head.  "Guys, weren't you supposed to fix that?" he demanded.

"We did," Tony defended.  He was smirking though.  "Just because we agreed to eat you instead of any of us or the demon...."

"I'd have to protest," Sam complained.  "I don't want to eat my brother.  If you become what you eat, then I'd have to listen to more heavy metal."  He picked up an apple to toss into the fire.  It popped and puffed up, letting him draw it out.  "From Cerebinus."

Xander nodded, doing it to his own.  He shared it with Sam Carter.  She nibbled a bite and nodded.  "See, not dangerous."

"Can it make hotdogs?" Cam asked.

"I don't know."  He petted it and asked it politely for hotdogs.  Two came out.  Cam took those to roast on a stick.

John got his own food and the others took their turns.  "Muffin, get back here," he called.  She finished peeing on a rock and came back.  "Thank you.  Good girl."  He petted her. "How long were we gone?"

"Six days," Gibbs told him.  "Ten months there?"

"Give or take a few weeks for me and Sammy," Xander told him.

"You left the book you were reading there," Sam Carter realized.

"He better have," Tony and John said in unison.

Xander smirked.  "I found some smut from another realm.  They could see into this one.  It had John and Rodney together."

"Eww," Daniel said.

"That is disgusting," Teal'c agreed.  "I cannot imagine Doctor McKay as anything but loud, obnoxious, and cranky I believe the phrase is.  Much less in a real marriage with the benefits of it."

"I agree with Daniel, eww," Sam said.

Cam just squeezed his eyes shut.  "Please don't say things like that, Xander?"

"Then he shouldn't mention some if it had you and certain others in it?" Tony asked smugly.

"I heard the first part and tried to burn it but the damn book wouldn't be set on fire," John told him.

"Tell me they didn't try to set me up with Carter or Vala?" Cam demanded, looking at his coworker.

"Worse, you were the rebound guy for Jackson when O'Neill had to dump him because he couldn't take him to DC with him."  He smirked at the shuddering going on.  "As the younger slayers say, I wanted brain bleach.  Xander just giggled."

"You know, in the back, that short story had you and Rodney, and Ronon," Sam Winchester offered with an evil smirk.

"Sammy, no creepy, evil thoughts either.  No evil magic, no evil thoughts, no evil anything," Dean ordered.

"Please, before I puke," Cam ordered.

"Hey, I tried to convince the aunts he had two hovering, overprotective sorts and they didn't agree with me," Xander told him.  John swatted him.  "Hey!"

"Shut up, Xander.  They weren't on my to do list in any way or shape."  Xander opened his mouth.  "Ah!"  He closed it but smirked.  "No more bad thoughts either.  Muffin barks and wakes up everyone when I have to cure your mind going odd places."

"Don't look at me that way, boss," Tony defended.  "It works better when John robs Xander of bad thoughts.  I get giggling Xander who has more bad thoughts.  I found a way to shred the book that had fiction of *us* together."  Gibbs shuddered and swatted him then Xander on the head.

"Not like I wrote it!" Xander defended.  "I just found it giggle worthy.  It made a nice break between books on making weapons."

"Tony tore the book into tiny confetti," Dean assured him.  "He would've gotten the other one but he fell asleep when Xander found it."

"I would have if I had woken up and heard more than the 'it's smut' answer," John said, staring at him.  "After I tried to set it on fire, Xander removed the bad thoughts from my mind and went back to learning practical things.  That one was for when he tried to get to sleep."

"He was very cuddly on your shoulder," Cam told him.

"He usually is.  He'll chase me across the bed if I don't let him cuddle."

"Nearly off it twice," Tony agreed.  "He and Muffin somehow have managed to steal the middle of the bed so we're both hanging off sometimes."

"Don't ask, don't tell," Daniel said firmly.  "I don't need details, people.  We might run into another telepathic race and they'd end up wanting you three."

"Like the ones last week at home?" Xander asked John.  Who nodded.  "Telepathic demons who think we're hot," Xander told the horrified looking soldiers.

"Tried to get into Ronon's mind for smutty thoughts too," John admitted.  "They beamed onto the city.  I wrote a report and sent it on."

"Are they native to this galaxy?" Teal'c asked.

"Yes.  They're native to the city actually.  In some scholarly demonic circles they think they're part of the reason why San Francisco has always been so open about sex stuff."

"I'm so not moving there," Sam Carter decided.  The others nodded at that.  "Will they take classified materials?"

"No.  They're only interested in smut," John assured her.  "I asked.  Had to create a mental image to do it but I did ask."  She nodded at that, smirking some.  "They said the city's population was giving off bad vibes and wanted to know if they could help.  I told them only if they didn't take away free will.  They settled on lust bombing the dining hall before leaving in a hurry.  Landry probably wasn't happy with that report but that's the room they appeared in and they knew what the city was."

"I remember hearing you yelling back at Woolsey," Xander admitted, looking at him.  "Telling him it wasn't your fault demons had shown up in the mess hall."

"It wasn't!"

Cam looked at him.  "This makes how many incursions by demons?"

"Two if you count the guy that we had to call to get the body that washed up.  He was a demon working on our side."

"I've met him," Gibbs admitted.  "I thought he was a bit odd but after the invasion I realized why."

"That's the normal's disbelief working," Xander told him.  "Like you see short trolls and you think they're midgets with big noses.  Or,' oh, look at the funny skin condition that makes him green, dear' in the grocery store.  Sunnydale was king of that problem."

"It kept them slightly sane," Carter pointed out.

"It kept them food sources," Xander corrected.  "Sane or not."

Daniel nodded.  "The human mind would make up a story to protect it from uncomfortable knowledge but your town had to hold a record on that.  I can't believe no one realized something was going on with that high of a death rate."

"Even if they saw it they ignored it," Xander assured him.  "You got used to it."  He shrugged.  "We went around the problems."

"I saw that when I visited," John said, ruffling his hair.  "You're getting a trim."

"I don't care," Xander reminded him.

"Still.  You're getting a trim or I'm making Rodney do it for you."

"Like he'll care?  He'll complain you're taking him out of the lab and his precious ideas.  He did the last time you made him take an afternoon off."

"Good point.  I'll let Ronon cut it."

"He'll teach me to do dreadlocks."

"He might," Carter agreed.

"I would like to meet Ronon," Teal'c said.

"We can arrange that," John promised.  "We rested?"  They nodded and Xander put out the fire.  They hiked back to the portal, letting the witches reopen it.  They all looked very tired.  "Were we gone that long?"

"A full month," Dawn told him.  "Since the rescue team left."  They all winced.  "By the way, Landry and O'Neill look like they're rabid dogs.  We nearly sent them after you."

"It was a day to us," John complained.  "Ten months in the realm we were in but a day of hiking."

"Strange time codes," Sam said, looking at the portal.

"You try to go back there, you bring McKay with you," Cam said firmly.

"Why torture them?" she complained.

"Because it'd keep down headaches and you'd come back pretty damn quick."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Can I call them?"

"They're in the kitchen having dinner," Dawn called after him.  Xander slipped Dawn a book with a smirk and a wink.

Tony tried to take it.  "Don't, you don't want to read it."

"Why?  Is it smutty?"

"Yes."  He managed to snatch it, handing it to John.  John handed it to Gibbs.

Gibbs looked inside.  "I don't want this."

"I tried to give it to Dawn," Xander defended.

"I doubt she needs that," John said dryly.

Landry's head popped up.  "You finally made it back?" he demanded, standing up.

"It was only a day's trek once they freed us of that other realm, sir."  He saluted with the others.

Xander did one and shrugged.  "Not my fault they wanted me and Sammy to father a super warrior to help the slayers."

"Eww," Buffy said.  "We'd have to hunt that kid for being unnatural and wrong somehow if it had you two as daddies and a demon as a mommy."

"No, daddy and mommy, Buffy.  They wanted Sam to carry it."

She looked at Sam and Dean.  "I'm so sorry the demons decided they liked Xander that way and involved you."  The priest next to her swatted her.  "Hey!"

"Be nicer to your friends," he said dryly.  "Is the warrior coming to be?"

"No, we've decided we're them," Dean told him.  "You are?"

"Father Paul Roschfeld, Mr. Winchester."  He shook his hand.  "If you wish to help, any help would be appreciated.  There's too much for the army of shopping girls."

Dean nodded. "We've seen them shop, dude.  That's how they practice making battle plans."

"It works," Buffy pouted.  "It's good practice."

Xander looked at her then at John, who shook his head, and Tony, who rolled his eyes.  "Make better ones, Buffy.  Do one for the day after Thanksgiving and all those sales.  That would actually involve stealth and managing to steal the sacred shoes from the woman who has them."

"I've been thinking about that one.  So, did they try to make you sleep with Sammy?"

"No.  Drugged us, milked us, was going to implant it."

"Damn, could use some smutty thoughts."  Gibbs handed over that book.  She read the first page, blushing and staring at John.

"Another realm's me, not the me here," he said quickly, glaring at Gibbs.

"If he brings it back, Abby will steal it," Tony told him.

Buffy put down the book, still blushing.  "Thanks, I'll take a bubble bath later."  She put her plate on top of it before it got stolen by one of the minis.  They were too young for that.  She was too young for that.  Faith too.

"Muffin, quit sucking up to Dawnie," Xander called.  She came trotting in, nuzzling his leg until he let her outside.  She barked and ran around chasing a squirrel before marking a bush and coming back.  Xander sat in a seat in the corner.  "Now what, guys?  I know some of you have to go back to work."

"Yes they do," Landry said, staring at Sheppard.

"It was not my intention to take that long, General."

"We know.  Atlantis had a small problem while you were gone anyway.  Something about seaweed creatures?"

"Kraken," Buffy and Xander said in unison.  "Pour salt in the mouths."

"I'll remember that for next time," O'Neill said dryly.  "We went with flamethrowers.  They retreated.  Two of the guys who had swords went after them with that.  Lorne is still bruised, Sheppard."

"If I had expected it to take that much time I would've brought Ronon and my team with me, sir."

"We know," Landry agreed.  "By the way, Gibbs, you're going to hate us.  Your director hates us anyway."

"They're moving to the city?" Xander asked.

"They are.  You're nearby, right?"

"Yeah, I'm staying at the house.  Why?  Who's been watching my house?"

"I've sent McKay up every weekend to annoy him," Landry admitted.  "Mitchell, you team has a week off, with pay, to calm down and all that."

"Thank you, General.  It wasn't a hard assignment."

"That way we can make sure that you didn't take any damage from the temporal fluxes," Landry ordered.

"Sure," he agreed with a small shrug.  "Flying back tomorrow?"  He nodded.  "We'll be there, sir."

"Rooms on the third floor for you guys," Buffy offered.  They smiled and went that way to clean up.  John and Tony stayed.  "You guys can too.  We know they want to talk to Xander."

"We'll hear it anyway," John assured her.  "The bond's that way when we want it to be.  Am I being relieved of command?"

"No, son.  Evan Lorne demanded up and down to have you back as soon as you stepped foot on this planet.  He said that for some reason they're scared of you."

"Not really.  Even if they heard about the marriage they aren't all scared of Xander.  Some of the chaos demons look at him like he's a god."

Xander cackled.  "I'm not that bad."

"Yes you are," Gibbs told him.  "We're being reassigned?"

"You are.  Since you already know about the city, you're our link to JAG, CID, and NCIS," Landry ordered.  "I'm sure Abby will adore that since she and Ducky are moving as well.  The director was not happy with you having to take off to rescue them in the least.  She hates that DiNozzo is married, she hates that she can't use it, and she hates that if she makes a move toward him she'll be out of a job."

"If she'd leave us alone we'd all be happier," Tony pointed out.

"She doesn't see it that way.  She sees it as leaving assets alone to rot," O'Neill said.  "She's also out on her keister.  Vance is your new director and he agreed that since you guys had such tight ties to us, that you'd be our liaison since we're so deep it's not funny and we haven't had one for a while."

"Generally we're well behaved but now and then we need one," Landry agreed.  "You can choose which town your team will be in, Gibbs.  If it's Colorado Springs, that's fine.  DiNozzo can keep traveling on the weekends.  It'll cut his trip down to about three hours plus whatever layover he has.  Half the time you can get nonstop."

"That may work," Tony agreed, looking at John and Xander.  "At least I'd be closer."

"Or your team could move to the city and then you could see him every day and commute in," O'Neill offered.  "Which may help matters greatly."  He caught the young agent's eye and glanced at his mates.  "Really."

"We've leaving that up to him," Xander said simply.  "Tony feels that he wasn't meant to be included because the aunts didn't suck him in originally, it was a mistake to come calling while we were drugged that first time."

"I don't feel that way most of the time now," Tony defended, turning to look at Xander.  "Are you still feeling that way?"

"I've never felt that way," he said, staring at him.  "I told you before, that's all up to you."

"Guys, mush overload.  Go have the personal talk in the pantry or something," Buffy complained.  "Before you give any of the minis a show or something?"

"We're not going to jump him in front of you, Buffy," John said, scowling at her.  He still walked them into the pantry.  He flipped on the light before shutting the door.  "He's right, we have let you decide your own place in this whatever-it-is," he pointed out. "Being on the east coast has made it harder for you to spend some good connecting time."

"Now and then I do feel like I'm an added thought," Tony admitted.  "Not that I don't feel connected, but you and Xander do get to do a lot more one-on-one time."

"That's because we're on the same coast," Xander said.  "If you guys come to San Fran it'll be easier.  Then John can get jealous that I'm driving you nuts with my daily routine."

"You do not," John said, getting a glare back from Xander.  "Okay, your bathroom routines in the morning does.  The banging when you're working on something big all day can but I can learn how to block that out.  We all have things that irk us about each other.  You guys don't like me doing my hair.  I get frustrated with the banging sometimes, and Tony gets bored a whole lot because we haven't made that much effort to make Xander's house our place too.  Neither of us have done more than move in a few books."

"True.  Maybe some more time would help," Tony admitted, looking at Xander.  "You've done what you can, he's right, it's our job to make ourselves into each other's lives."  He took a kiss, earning a smile.  "We have to work this part out, it's something all people who move in together have."

"It's not like I'm not bored sometimes too, guys.  It's not exactly ideal with me being alone most of the time with the dog."

"We know.  We're working on it," John assured him.  "Including Tony being so far away most of the time.  I get double the amount of time he does with you because I only have to drive."

"I know.  I don't see a way around it but I know."

Tony took another kiss and gave him a hug.  "It seems so much simpler when we're dream walking."

"I think if it wasn't forced it might help," Xander said.  "We didn't make this decision.  That's why we're all dragging our feet.  I could have added stuff to the house for you guys.  I could have went out and gotten you guys extra clothes, a gym, all that stuff."

"Yeah but we never asked."

"Usually I'd do things like that without thinking about it," Xander pointed out.  "I've always made sure my friends had what they needed when they needed it, and nagged when they didn't think they needed it.  Which means I'm turning into someone I'm not."

"There's been a lot going on since then, and it's not a fault that you haven't been so ...clingy and hovering," Tony told him.  "We don't mind that, Xander.  Beyond the fact that I might have to pout if you left me one of those loud shirts you used to wear," he finished with a tease.

"I still feel that I'm not the same."

"Of course not.  The final battle, all that fighting, losing people, and going to Africa, all that changes a guy," John told him.   "I wouldn't expect you to be the same guy you were when I came out after Glory."

Xander looked at him.  "I'd expect me to have some of the same tendencies."

John smirked.  "You learned how to take care of yourself first and then everyone else.  Everyone has to learn that sometime."  He moved closer, staring down at Xander.  He was only an inch or so taller but it was nice to be taller.  "I'd have to stop you if you wore yourself out doing for us.  Neither of us want you to be that giving and no receiving."  Xander blushed.  "Not in the bedroom either," he teased.

"I'm not used to people who'd put me first anyway," Tony agreed, moving up behind Xander.  Xander leaned against him.  "It's that we're not used to it.  We managed to duck around it by not living together."

"There's times I do feel like a commuter center," Xander admitted.

"You also never get out of the house," Tony pointed out.

"It's never fun going out on your own and my new best female friend is Sam."

"If she was closer you could definitely take her out to make her forget work for a few hours without us being jealous," Tony told him.  "Not that there's much to do in your town."

"There's some nice clubs in about twenty minutes of driving," John told him.  "We go out a lot on married people date nights."

"If you wanted to stay in the city and just spend the night in a cheap motel we could," Xander offered.  "I can go be geeky in a club until you come in."

"Then I might get jealous," John said dryly.  "Having to beat all the boys and girls that try for you in whatever you're wearing would get is thrown out."

"It's not my fault I still draw bad girls.  And twinks who think I can be a nice daddy."

"I don't," Tony admitted.  "Though I am still drawing bad girls."  John kissed him, making him moan.

"No getting body fluids on my pots!" Andrew yelled.

Xander opened the door.  "We wouldn't do that, Andrew.  You know that."

"I have to protect them, Xander."

"I know, Andrew."  He let John and Tony follow him.  "Sam, they think I stay home too often."

"You do stay home a lot, Xander.  Then again, I've seen you drawing all those little teenage gay boys too."

"Do I look old enough for daddyhood for them?"

"No," she said, smiling at him.  "Not in the least.  It's where you wear the leather."

"Oh.  Maybe I'll stop that."

"You look nice in the leather pants," John told him.

"TMI!" Cam said firmly.

"This is an interesting but probably private discussion," Daniel agreed, smiling at Xander.  "Didn't she go shopping for those with you?"

"Yeah.  I'm used to shopping with girls.  They have good taste."

She smirked at Tony and John.  "Has he shown you the gray ones yet?"

John moaned and nodded.  "Yeah, he has.  Thank you, Sam."

"Welcome," she quipped with a smirk.  "He even introduced me to a very nice, slightly evil man who wanted to be my body slave last time we went shopping."

"He wasn't bad but he was looking for someone to have fun with," Xander reminded her.  He looked at the guy walking in, raising an eyebrow.  He was getting that special feeling.  "Hi.  You are?"

"Father Dimitri Pendrast.  You?" he asked, shaking his hand.

"Xander."  The father smirked at that name.  "So, Father, what's your area beyond blood sacrifices?"  The man looked horrified.  He pulled him closer, staring into his eyes.  "I do protect these girls to this day."

"I would never harm one who fights."

"Those who don't get your affection instead?" he asked smugly.   The priest shuddered.

"Xander!" Sam complained.  "It was bad enough you found a serial rapist who was trying to get us to buy a condo together.  Why is it you can find serial people whenever I'm around?"

"They used to want to date him," Buffy told her.

"Now they think he's hotter for having two husbands," Sam quipped back.  "And twinks for some reason."

"It's my twinkie sensing radar that's warped by San Fran," Xander said with a smirk for her.  He smirked at the priest again.  "Confession is good for a soul before you have to tell God."  The man nodded and backed off, heading for the front door.  "I'll be checking," he called.

O'Neill looked at Daniel.  "You can't do that, right?"

"I never have been able to, Jack."  He slugged him on the arm.  "How's your knee?"

"Better now that they replaced it," Landry said with a smirk for his superior.

"Good, maybe we won't hear about his knees so often," Sam said with a smile for him.

"When your knees suck it's almost as bad as when you have a liver that goes or kidneys," Xander told her.  "You can't do anything but medicate, deal with the pain and hell it puts you through, and then have it replaced or die in pain."

"Know someone who had them?" Landry asked.

"Know someone who had started down the road to really creaky knees and had liver failure too."

"It's a different sort of pain but about screws up your life and what you want to be doing all the time," Jack agreed.

Daniel and Sam both covered Xander's mouth before he could utter a word about those stories he had found.

"Something we should hear?" Jack asked.

"The realm had some funny, strange stories apparently," Cam told him.  "Including ones from people who could look into our realm for amusement and paired you and a certain doctor together, and then me and him when you had to go to DC and couldn't take him."

Jack snorted.  "We've been asked that more than once, Cam.  You learn to just shrug it off when they ask if you're sleeping with your team."

"Stories?" Landry asked.

"That one got ripped up," Tony said.  "Xander had managed to divert our attention to another one, General."

"Do I want to know?" Landry asked Sheppard.

"No, because I don't want to know.  Unless you want to hear about some other-dimension natives who think I should be doing McKay?"

"No," Jack said quickly, shaking his head.  "No thank you.  Really."  He held up a hand when John opened his mouth.  "Really.   I don't want to know."

"Probably a good idea," Tony agreed.  He swatted Xander.  "It's good that you two are close enough friends to know when he's going to say something that's going to warp our brains."

Sam smiled.  "He said I'm one of his closest friends now and he sends Daniel questions he can't ask you guys."  Xander was blushing a bit so she slugged him on the arm.  "It's all right.  We like you for the goofy, blurting out guy you are, Xander."

"I don't usually blurt things out."

"Yeah, you do," Buffy assured him.  "You gave us mind wrenching thoughts now and then."  She saw the look from Sam.  "He did!"

"It helped you forget about the problems for a while and get back to human thoughts instead of slayer thoughts," Xander told her.

"If you say so."  She stuffed her mouth.  Tony patted Xander's back.  John was giving her a dirty look too.  Apparently she had overstepped some friendish boundary.  "You guys have no idea what Xander was like before.  When he got in the way, when he was there, all that.  You guys didn't see him on a daily run-in."

"No, but we know how much his past affected his present," John told her.

"Were you even in Sunnydale?"

"Yeah, I did come in when I could get away from a war."  She shrank back.  "So let's not rag on Xander today, okay?"  He smiled at her.  "Friends are good.  We like that he has friends, old and new."

Xander looked at him.  "So if I go make friends at the local bar....."

"You play kitten poker and you'd have to nurse a whole lot of kittens with Muffin."

"Good point.  I guess."  He grinned.  "Maybe."

"I don't mind you making friends with the local peaceful demons.  I mind you playing poker with the others," Tony said.  "Including the flesh eaters.  They're kind of creepy and keep staring at my butt, Xander."

"Fine."  He took a kiss, getting a smirk back.  "I'd kiss you but your CO would mind," he told John.

"I don't care," O'Neill told him.  "Hank?"

"I don't care.  Too long on this job and you realize those stupid prejudices are why the aliens might win."  John got a soft, quick kiss.  Both generals smirked at that.  "Nice one, kid.  Remember, you can't sneak him onto Atlantis, Sheppard."

"With your luck, you'd have an emergency that night and he'd get caught," Jack agreed.

"I can't sneak him on anyway, generals.  He doesn't have the security clearance."

"Yes he does," O'Neill said.  Xander gave him an innocent look.  "We have *no* idea why he comes up with a very high security clearance but he does."

Xander shrugged.  "I don't know."

"Has anyone asked Miss Rosenburg since she's a hacker?" John suggested.

"Yes," Gibbs said.  "McGee looked.  It wasn't a hacker.  Someone in the system raised him up without filling out any forms, but it was done the right way from inside DC."

"Hmm."  Xander considered it.  "Blakin Rogers.  He's a half-demon I bought some things off of in LA."

Gibbs stared at him.  "He's CIA, kid.  Newly promoted to a section."

"Yeah, and the last time I bought something off him he asked me what the hell was going on in Sunnydale this time.  That was during Glory," he told Buffy.

She gave him a confused look.  "Like an arms dealer?"

"Well, he had some minor things so technically probably but I also bought your repeating crossbow and your last birthday present off him."

"Oh, okay.  Interesting."  She tipped her head to the side.  "How did you meet him?"

"Kitten poker."  She moaned, leaning forward to cover her face with her hands.  "Hair in your food."  He grinned at the stunned looking older men.  "What?"

John patted him on the back.  "It's all right.  We know you are the master of the improbable, Xander."

"Yeah, I think that would be a good title for him.  I'll check with him when I get back to DC tomorrow."  Gibbs looked at the generals.

"We're just happy he turned over all the arms he found in Sunnydale," Landry told him.  He noticed Sheppard's eye twitch toward his husband.  "I would hope he did anyway?"

"I got into his very small supply closet.  Nothing big was in there, sir.  Enough in case he had to jump into an apocalypse but nothing that big."

"Bigger than a P-90?" Jack asked, glaring at the boy.

"No comment and I got it off Blakin a few months back."

"I'll be sure to ask him," Gibbs said.  "DiNozzo can clean that out."

"No, he won't be, boss," Tony told him.  "There's no way.  I want Xander to have enough in case he needs to handle something too big because things still come for him."

"Not that many," Xander said weakly.  "They think I'm incapable of protecting myself thanks to certain rantings."

Buffy looked at him.  "I never said you couldn't protect yourself!"

He stared at her.  "I'll let you believe that."  He walked off shaking his head.  "Sam, are you and Dean coming to visit soon?  If so I need to wash your sheets this week."

"Don't know, dude," Dean called back from the library.  "You sure whatever they gave you won't want to make you nap on Sammy again?"

"Not really.  He's too skinny.  Not enough muscles in the soft sleeping spots."  He stopped at the front door, staring at the two priests and the man in the cloak.  "Huh.  Welcome back.  We heard they were going to do that instead of making your son bear a chosen warrior."

"Better me than my son ever going through being a father," he said quietly.

"Mother, John.  They wanted Sam to bear a child from between us.  That's how they interpreted the prophecy."

John stared at him.  "You stationed here?"

"By San Fran making weapons."

"Why?"

"Burnout."  He looked at him.  "I never got a chance to really thank you for saving me that time."

"What if they need you, kid?"

"Then they'll call.  They know they can do that."

John nodded.  "Then why are you here?"

"They just rescued us from the demons who wanted us to make the chosen warrior."

"Oh."  He looked around then back at him.  "My boys?"

"Dean's in the library."  He pointed.  "I was just teasing him.  Dean, visitor!"  He walked off, shaking his head.  This day was just getting stranger and stranger, even on his scale.  He grabbed something from the fridge, opening it up and taking a sip then handing it to John, who drank a good gulp then handed it to Cam since he looked like the beer was needed.

"Your mouth been anywhere strange?"

"Not in months."

"Thanks, kid."  Cam drained the beer with a few gulps.  "Permission to finish getting shitfaced, generals?"

"Granted."

"Denied."

Sam looked at the denier, Jack.  "We could use it, sir."

"Denied unless your commanding officers get to go if they want," he said with a smirk.  "Before I think teenage girls are worse than any enemy ever."  He stood up.

"Hey, no moan, that's good," Daniel teased.  They walked out together, the trio behind them.  Gibbs came behind them.

"We're not that bad," Buffy complained, looking at the other general.  "Are we?"

"Depends on the girl," Landry said with a small smile.  She nodded, leaving them.  He got something more to eat.

"Yeah, Dad, they wanted to breed Xander and Sammy so Sammy could carry a kid," Dean said as he walked in.  "You know, if you had stayed around, Xander would've asked you to train him."

"Then he wouldn't have left."

"Yeah, he would have.  He lost the rest of what he had," Sam told him simply.  "The only thing holding him here was duty and he could have his duty somewhere else and help more.  He's still hunting.  Hey, Muffin, did they forget you?" he asked, squatting down to pet the dog.  "You can come cuddle with us for a little while.  Xander will be back soon."  He smirked at his father.  "He's still hunting in his area.  He's now also making weapons, which meant that you got freed in time to be called back for this."

"I saw him there."

"Yeah, because he demanded," Dean told him.  "Even knowing that he'd have a vision that could rip his brain apart."  John stepped back at the ice cold tone.  "Xander does what he can.  He's kept a lot of problems out there down.  When they wanted someone to clean out Sunnydale, they asked him."

"That was part of his duty, the same as watching over the girls were."

"It's better he's where he is," Buffy said as she walked past them.  "That way we don't have to worry about him.  Because he's better and more useful out there.  Plus his husbands keep him from dating anyone too evil.  It got tiring having to kill his dates."  She got her snack and left again.  "Nice to have you guys back.  Are you staying for long?  If so, let me warn the girls to carry drool buckets."

"Probably not," Dean said.  She pouted.  "Sorry but plenty of evil bitches to hunt out there."

"Faith has them in Mexico."  She smirked.  "She said to tell you that."

"I'll call her later."  She beamed and walked off.  Dean made sure she was well out of hearing, even slayer healing.  "You still think Xander should be here?  Or us?"

John sighed.  "No."

"You totally underestimated him, Dad.  Get over it," Sam told him snidely.  He walked off.  "C'mon, Muffin.  Let's got for a jog!"  The dog barked and bounced after him.  "Good girl!"  He ran into Kennedy.  "Going for a run until Xander comes back."

"Where is he?"

"Talking with John and Tony.  Cam took his team out too."

"Oh."  She pouted.  "Where did they go?"

"A bar."

She went back upstairs to change.  She could find a nice bar and maybe they'd be there.  Then she could hit on that pretty blond captain.  She had to give in sometime, right?  Because Kennedy was pretty, rich, and a slayer.

John looked at his older son.  "Sammy still in a girl snit?"

"No, you caused this one all by yourself, Dad."  He walked off too.

"They didn't say this was going to be this hard," John muttered.

"If you want my opinion, there seems to be an apology needed somewhere," General Landry told him.  "I'd do it before they won't accept it."

"They're my sons."

"That doesn't mean they can't see that you're human."  He looked at the other man.  "Including that you're biased on some things and that you're hard headed.  It took me a long time to apologize for things that I had gotten wrong and nearly screwed up in the process."

"You have kids?"

"I do.  Including a daughter who I adore that runs the infirmary on my base now."  He smiled.  "I screwed up often enough that I worried for years that she'd never be able to find a good man to soothe her when things got too bad.  There for a while I thought I had turned her insanely hateful too.  Then I realized that was her being a teenager.  Your boys have sense, skills, and the ability to use them together.  They won't see the same things you will though.  They never will.  The same as they can't see why you favor your younger one."

"I don't...."

"You do.  Even the older one sees that.  The same as those who've watched them after things like the invasion saw that.  The reality of being him is different than the expectations of being you.  Maybe you should learn your sons for who they are now instead since you've got a second chance.  Before they won't let you."

John shook his head.  "My boys would never...."

Dean walked in and looked at him.  "Yeah I would.  I may love you, Dad, but there's days when I want to kick your ass.  Yours, Sammy's, everyone else who ever gave me the shit you two give me.  I'm your son too, act like it."  He got a beer and walked out.  "Sparring practice!"  A few girls squealed and came to try to beat him.  It was one of the best things about being here.  Doing this, he felt like a real big brother, not a stepfather to Sammy who was never good enough.  Sammy said he felt the same way so it was good for them.  And the girls because half of them needed the work.

John stared after his son.  Then he looked at the General.  "What was that?  Are those girls warping him?"

"No, that was him standing up for himself.  Not for his brother, not for anyone but him, John.  It's about time too.  You have two great sons most men would kill to claim as their own.  You treat one like he's deficient and the other you treat like your deficient clone.  Be a father for a bit instead of a hunter."  He got up.  "If it helps, talk to the priests.  They might be able to help you figure it out if you don't know."  He went out to the garden.

John looked at the priests who had been listening. "What?" he demanded.

"Nothing.  Remember, you'll be one of those helping protect the slayers when the Powers That Were and That Be start to fight."  He walked off.

"How am I supposed to do that?" he called after him.

"Be a parent, it helps," one of the girls yelled.  "Because if mine nags me once more I'm going to kill her like she's a vampire!"

John sighed, going to see what was wrong with her.  He didn't understand girls!  Why couldn't Ellen do this job!  "What happened?"

"My mother's a fucking bitch!" she shouted, throwing the phone at him.  "Why can't you find a decent man up there.  I've been waiting for you to give me grandchildren so I can make up for the mistakes I made with you.  What, are you turning lesbian?" she mocked in a high pitched voice.

"I don't think sex is going to uncomplicate hunting any time in your future," John told her.  "As for being a lesbian, who would care if you did?"

She stared at him.  "I am not!" she shouted.

"Not saying you are," he said, backing away from that dangerous topic.  "Just saying that you should shoot back at that one.  You have more important things to worry about than finding some man to marry."

She pouted.  "I wouldn't mind if they weren't all scared of us and shit.  One night stands are cheezy and not my thing.  I'd prefer to have a boyfriend but they're all scared off by me being super strong."

"So take a bit and find some friends," he suggested.

"I have friends!"

"Then have them find you a man.  They have to know what you're like and what you like."

"They tried with the last one but he got scared when he saw me break open a padlock," she pouted.

"Life's not easy for hunters or slayers," he told her.  "We don't get the fantasy lives that others do.  Feel lucky you get to stay in an area and hunt here instead of always fading off into the night.  Then you could pick up waitresses like Dean does."

She slumped into a couch.  "I'd like a boyfriend."  She crossed her arms and pouted.  "I'd really like a good boyfriend. One who wanted to do things and go places and all that stuff."

Buffy walked in and stared at her.  "Bad date?  No date?"

"Bitchy whore of a mother who wants me to bear young for her to screw up."  She looked up at her.  "And I can't find a date.  Why can't someone like Connor like me?"

"Because there's a few other girls who'd like the same thing and sharing that way is trashy?" Buffy offered.  "Go out with that nice guy in the coffee shop."

"I tried that.  He nearly fled when I broke a lock to help him."  She pouted again.

"Hmm.  I tell you what.  We'll go trolling at the club.  Maybe we'll find some hotties.  We'll even go to the college clubs.  That way you get up and coming future hotties."

"Going for the geekier boys would get her someone who'd be more concerned with her personality than her looks," John told her.  "Shy, quiet, would appreciate you for being strong."

"Those sort can turn into fanboys who then get possessive," Buffy told him.  "We've had that problem already once in the house."  She looked at the girl again.  "Go get dressed.  Stop Kennedy from primping too.  She can join us so she quits moping about Willow."  She got up and fled up the stairs.  She looked at John.  "The slayers are normal girls."

"I have no idea what to do with girls."

"Then why bring you back?" she asked.

"Because I'm an overprotective father."

"Hmm.  Well, that's nice but sometimes we need a parent who'll give advice.  My mom did plenty of times before she died.  We need that touch of normal while still allowing us to be slayers.  Because we all know that one of the fastest ways to get to us is to move personally.  Watcher raised girls don't have any idea what to do with a boy once they knock him down.  None of them were allowed to date, to talk to boys, nothing."

"I can see why.  There's been times I pushed that point but never that hard."

"Good!  So consider us your second chance.  Then go make Dean quit pouting by beating up on my minis."  She walked off again, going to tart up for a night in the club.  Maybe they'd all find a nice boy tonight.  And Kennedy a nice girl.

John thought all the way to where he could hear fighting noises.  Dean was holding his own against three of the slayers and one girl who clearly wasn't.  He moved to get her down, making her turn and foot sweep him, which he allowed.  She stared down at him.  "Those of us who work with the slayers need to be able to handle ourselves just as much as they do.  Beyond that, how often do we get a chance to beat up on Dean?"  She dove back in, while the other girls had him distracted and pinched his butt, making him yelp and her crow.  "Ha!"

"I'm too old for you and you're too wild for me," he said, dragging her around to knock down.  She giggled and got back up, enjoying the sparring.  He knocked her down a few minutes later, smirking at her growl.  "Playing with the big dogs means that you need to do more than growl," he panted.  One of the slayers blindsided him and they went down but he got back up and managed to keep from being pinched, tickled, or beaten, but not bitten.  That witch bit him on the leg, making him yelp and swat at her.

"So am I bigger dog now?" she teased.

"A big yappy one."  The others giggled and hugged them both then left him and his dad alone.  The one that had bit him smirked back at him.  "You have coven practice, young lady."

"Yay me.  They never do anything fun.  They won't even let us younger ones summon an incubus to taunt."  She left.

"She's a witch?"

"Yup.  Fairly powerful.  They found her because her mom had summoned an incubus to show her how it was done and her mom lost control of it.  A few of the slayers got it when it came after the girl to drain her."  He stretched to cool down, looking over at his silent father.  "Why?"

"They have to learn too?"

"Yes, Dad.  They all have to learn how to defend themselves.  Things come after slayer support squads just as much as they come after slayer families and slayers.  If not more often because most demons think they'll be helpless."

"Which is why so many things come for Xander," Sam said from the doorway with Muffin.

"I think some demonic whore or something spread around that he's good,  that's why they come for him," Dean said dryly.

"They came for him before his roadtrip," Sam reminded him.  "Bug lady.  Ampata."

"Yeah but he was pure then."  Dean shrugged.  "Have a good run with the dog?"

"She was excellent for me.  Passed up doing more than barking at a poodle on the way.  Nuzzled a terrier that wanted to pee on the same tree she did."

"Is that Douglas' dog?" John asked.

"Yeah.  Muffin was given to Xander when he started to hunt out there.  Back when he was trying to figure things out.  She's done him a lot of good and still hunts a lot with him.  His boys might be pissed if they knew how connected he still was to the hunting community."

"I heard he took out something major the other day," Dean admitted.  "Connor and Gunn called complaining about it before you got taken."

"Gunn's funny about Xander sometimes."  He petted the dog, who barked and went to find a comfy sleeping spot.  She found that other nice general so she curled up next to him.  He didn't seem to mind.

"I thought he wanted out of the business," John said.

"No, he needed to figure out who he was outside of Buffy's knight," Sam told him.  "That's all he had been since he was sixteen and he needed the time to figure out who the real Xander was and what he wanted after going to Africa and actually being appreciated by the girls there."

"None of them tried to magic him, discount him, nothing like that," Dean agreed.  "He was doing what I did at fourteen and what Sammy did at sixteen, Dad.  He never got to do it when it was time.  We all thought it was a damn good idea and that Muffin made him do more than just think.   She's protected him from things that Anya had in her stuff, from things that have come for him and his husbands, in Sunnydale during the clean out, all that.  Plus when she's with John she's protected him and his team."

"I like that about the dog but if he wants to leave..."

"Dad, he didn't want to leave.  He needed to find a reason to go on more than they took his friend," Sam told him.  "The same as at some point in time you had to realize you were hunting for more reasons than they took out Mom."  He walked off again.  "Dean, beer?"

"Please."  He looked at his father.  "He's right.  We all came to that spot.  Some of us got there when we were younger to figure out why we were going to hunt.  Some of us had to look at it after we started and realized that it had sucked up every little bit of our lives and we didn't know who we were anymore," he said quietly.  "Xander had to do that because he had lost himself somewhere in the battles and fighting with the girls over being seen as normal."  He took his beer from Sam when he came in.  "Xander said he would've asked you to train him if you had stuck around after helping him.  Guess he knows now that would've been a disappointment too."  He left.

"No one trained him?" he demanded of his other son.

"He's normal," Sam said, mimicking Willow.  "You can't do that, you're a normal person, not a slayer."  He sipped his own beer.  "I think he said that they taught him the pointy end goes in the heart and to avoid being grabbed.  He would've asked you if you had been there but you faded too soon and it was probably good for him since now he knows that you can't stand people who leave the physical hunting to do a job that they're great at, which is just as important.  He's the one who filed that other colt down to fit the lock so you could get out of hell, Dad.  Great job putting him down earlier."  He walked off.  "Shouldn't be surprised," he muttered.  "Nothing ever changes for him."

John considered it.  He had been unfair to that kid.  He'd apologize in the morning when he got up.  Then he'd work on the girls so they weren't so vulnerable to outside forces.  Or dating bad boys and girls.

***

John landed on Atlantis about dawn on the east coast, holding his head.  A thump behind him heralded a soft, furry, helping thing at his thigh. "Muffin?" he asked, looking down at her.  "What're you doing here?"

"Note on her collar, sir," one of the Marines said.  "Need helped to your bunk?"

"No, I'm good.  I'm not drunk."

"Anymore, sir?"

"Anymore," he agreed with a smile.  "C'mon, Muffin."  He walked down the hallway, taking her to his room.  The note was a bit blurry at the moment but he could read it tomorrow.  He fell onto his bed, still clothed, and patted it a few times before falling asleep.  Muffin hopped up next to him, curling up against his side.  This daddy didn't move all that often so she could cuddle him.  Not like her daddy who wiggled all night.

***

Someone pounded on the door the next morning, making Muffin get up to bark back at them.  They were mean!  Her daddy was still sleeping!

"Shit, he brought the dog," a male voice complained.

"Fucking go away!" John bellowed. "I have an hour!"

"If you want food, you need to get up now, Sheppard.  Woolsey wants you in twenty."

"Crap."  He got up with a moan, letting the dog out to stare at his second-in-command.  "Took us over ten months on that plane.  Sorry."

"Why do you have the dog?"

"I don't know.  Couldn't read the note from Landry."  He wandered to the bathroom to take a cold shower.  That might help since Xander was having drunken, dirty thoughts about him.  Still.  He sent back a whimper and Xander switched to having dirty thoughts about cupcakes and twinkies who squirted out on him in various money shots.  Yeah, that was nice.  He blocked him out most of the way, hopping into the cold shower.  His shock woke Xander up but Xander grumbled and rolled over to go back to his dirty Hostess dreams.   John came out, looking around his room.  "Where's the birthday present?"  He put on a clean set of BDU's and headed out, Muffin in the mess getting spoiled by Ronon and Teyla when he walked in to get coffee.  "Muffin?"  She followed him and his coffee, barking at the guards they passed.  One stopped to pet her and she wagged her tail and licked him then moved on.  John knocked on Woolsey's door.  "Where's his birthday present?"

"In the armory, where it belongs."

"It's not ours."

"I'll have it moved back tonight.  I didn't want anyone to break in and use it."  He looked him over.  "Hangover?"

"Yup.  Just got back.  Was ten months there."

"Ten months?"  John nodded.  He sighed.  "Time dilation?"

"Apparently.  The demons wanted Xander and Sam Winchester to breed a future warrior to protect them and all other peaceful species.  A prophecy thing."  He took another drink of his coffee.  "I talked to O'Neill and Landry yesterday."

"I got an email from them both last night."  He looked at him.  "You're now splitting your job and also preparing the soldiers here for the next apocalypse."

John sipped his coffee.  "It won't be here."

"No, it won't be.  The president decided to cross-train all our people to that area as well in case we end up in another situation where military backup is needed."

"Okay and we can't rotate guys to Cleveland?"

"No."

"I'll get the teaching materials but I'm still learning myself, Woolsey."

"You'll figure it out with your husbands."

"Tony's team is being moved as our NCIS liaison for both bases.  Gibbs got told last night."

"He is?"

"They are.  Him, McGee, David, Gibbs, Ducky, and Abby.  They're going to decide if they're going to be here in the city or in Colorado Springs."

"That may be helpful.  Anything about them I should know?"

"Ziva David is the Mossad liaison put in by Sheppard."

"Huh."  He nodded and made a note of that.  "Good to know."   He smirked.  "When can you start training them?"

"Better self defense and some blade work?  Tomorrow.  We need more long machetes or something similar.  Self defense with Ronon.  I'll get demonology books from Xander and the council."

"Thank you.  I need them to be as up to date as possible by the end of the month."

"That'll be about what I know by heart," John admitted. "The rest we'll be teaching from the books or we might get a slayer in."

"I don't care how you do it.  There's too many of them in the city, they seem to see us as some Mecca to visit and possibly try to take over for status.  Fix it!"

"Xander and I can liaison with the local peaceful community.  That can keep down some of it."  He walked off to get more coffee, sending at Xander on his walk.  He nearly tripped over Muffin.  "Sorry, poochie.  I was talking to your other daddy."  He petted her.  "Go find Teyla and she'll play."  She barked and ran off to find her littermate with the good petting nails.  "Good girl," he called after her.  He got some coffee from the local pot and went to his office, finding Lorne in there.  "Hey."

Evan looked up at him.  "Morning," he said dryly.  Rodney brought back the dog and presented her then walked off.  He smirked.  "He's pissy today."

"Does that mean someone sent you that book of smut Xander found among the demons?" John called after him.

"Why on earth would they?" Rodney demanded, huffing back.

"Because someone in another dimension saw us on an assignment and decided you were the wife, McKay."  Rodney blushed bright red.  "I'm trying to make sure it doesn't spread but fair warning."

Rodney growled, glaring at him.  "That's a mean trick."  A book appeared on the desk.  He looked up.  "How did that get here?"

"Council witch."  He looked at it, handing it over.  The note on the front said it all:  keep your filthy minds out of the coven's minds.  "We tore up the one with Cam and Daniel."

Rodney shuddered.  "That's disgusting!"  He snatched the book and stomped off.  He wanted to find these people and berate them.  He slapped it down onto his desk and went into the lab to work.

Radek came in and found a book he didn't recognize, picking it up to see if it was work by flipping through it.  He had to stop at a drawing, tipping his head to the side.  "Are we proving this is impossible for humans to accomplish?" he called.

"Yes!  We are!"  He came in to snatch it away and put it into his desk.  "Some hussies among the demons decided that was their fantasy and wrote it down!"

"Is good Sheppard knows you're an ass so he won't try to cuckold his husband."

Rodney glared. "I'm not like that!"

"Then perhaps you should date.  Would solve that growl."  Rodney glared and stomped off screaming in rage.  Radek snickered.  "Is fun to work him into that state sometimes.  When it's not focused on me."  He went to the lab but Rodney went out onto a deck to scream and rant to the open air.

Evan Lorne walked in a moment later.  "Why is McKay screaming?"

"I suggested he date to ease the growl that book caused."

"Practical of you, Radek."   He walked outside during the panting to catch his breath.  "McKay, you keep screaming like that and I'm going to order you sedated for a week.  I don't care what some strange demon thinks you're doing with whoever.  Some people were on night shift and trying to sleep."  He stared at him.

"Did you hear...."

"Yup.  Makes my head hurt to think that someone might like you two together.  At least it's not me."  He smirked.  "Because you'd drive me fucking nuts.  Now, think you can be calmer?  Go work it out in the gym or something?"

"I'm not a physical man," he sneered.

"I don't care what you do as long as you keep it down!" he said firmly.

John leaned out.  "It wasn't just you they got, McKay.  Think how I feel."  McKay glared at him.  "Not like you're a long haired brunette with big tits."

"Neither is your husband."

"Who thought it was hilarious that they thought that way.  Diversity of thought he called it."  He stared at him.  "I have to hit the local demon council if you wanted to see if you could find the people who wrote that so you can yell at them."

"No, I might yell at all of them and then they'd attack."

"Okay, your loss.  Bring you back anything?"

"No.  I doubt they have anything I'd like."

"If you're sure."  He went back inside, taking the book back from Radek.  "Didn't think you were like that, Radek."

"Am not but is fascinating how some people's minds go."

"It is but the other one was cuter."  He smirked.  "We got that one destroyed though."  He went to find a shredder, sending it through there.  Before someone picked it up and thought it was reality.  McKay stomped in.  "Help me shred this."  Rodney took it to do that.  "You feel better?"

"No."

"Want me to find you some nice girl to date?"

"Hell no!  I don't need you fixing me up."

"Fine.  I won't."  He patted him on the back.  "I'll keep Xander from being so bad to your mind."

"Please do," he sniffed.  "I'm not like that."

"I know.  I'd never sleep with you anyway, McKay.  Or Ronon."

"Ronon?" he squeaked.

"Yup.  Fun present for a weekend."

"You read it?" he demanded.

"We were there for ten months, McKay.  Xander read those to put himself to sleep since we wouldn't do more than cuddle."

"That's cruel.  You're in the same area for ten months and you don't sleep with your husband?  No wonder he was frustrated enough to need this trash," Rodney complained.

"It was his thing since there was no privacy."

"Uh-huh.  Are you sure?"

"He said so.  He said he didn't want to hear if Dean and/or Sam had more dirty thoughts back."

Rodney snorted.  "Then you'd better be wining, dining, and screwing him now that you're back, Sheppard."  He walked off.  His phone rang.  "McKay."  He listened to Xander tell him that yes, it would've been nice, but that seemed too much like offering when you're trapped together that way, especially with as horny as Dean could get sometimes, and that now John would either be sweet and screw him against the fridge or over the table again on Sunday morning, like usual.  Then he asked if he wanted the rest of the smut collection.  "No, I think I can do without it."  He heard the contents and moaned.  "I really don't need that.  Can't you destroy it?  Please?"  He groaned.  "Fine, I will.  Send it in after you go visit this council."  He hung up and walked off shaking his head because someone had written multiple stories about him and Radek together.  Multiple stories.  He was going to die of embarrassment if those got out.

***

John bowed to the head demon.  "Good afternoon."

The demon without eyes sniffed him.  "You stink of our forbidden, holy city," he purred.

"I am Colonel John Sheppard, yes."

"Hmm, very nice," he sighed.  "Why do you come before us?"

"We've had some ... interference from demons that may be peaceful but who want to get onto the city.  At this time we cannot allow anyone entry.  We're supposed to be hidden."

The head demon nodded.  "I can see why that is a problem.  You let humans on?"

"Limited only to family in certain areas.  Otherwise there's no one allowed in the city but us."

"I can understand that problem when so many rejoice at having the holy city back."

"Yes, but for right now it has to stay hidden.  Humans hearing of it would get very upset and we'd be overrun and having to defend it."

"I will talk to the clans, make sure they do not talk of it and that the attempted pilgrimages stop."

"Thank you," John said, bowing to him.  "We welcome working with the peaceful community to protect us all.  We're learning how to deal with things in case an apocalypse happens locally starting this week."

"Your mate will be helping?" one of the demons in the corners asked.

"Getting us information.  He's not allowed on Atlantis either."

The demon nodded.  "There are many peaceful ones."

"Most of us have nothing against your peaceful species.  I also know that half of the peaceful ones cannot defend themselves if something happens.  In that situation we would be helping."

"It is very kind of you," the head demon agreed.  "We will let you know what species are in town so you can warn your people that they are peaceful."

"Thank you, that was more than I could hope for."  He bowed again.

The demon smiled. "How is your stepson?"

"We got around that prophecy in a different way.  It was pointed out it had already been invalidated.   We had a conference with some other powers and they told us a few things that are letting us get around it.  Including calling back a warrior to soften any blows to the slayers from the higher ups fighting."

"That is unusual.  Did your mate do that?"

"He's one who found out it was invalidated without him getting involved."

"Interesting.  Thank you for warning us.  Who did they return?"

"Some priests who help with supernatural things brought back the eldest Winchester hunter.  He's with the slayers right now trying to figure out how to keep girls calm."

"I'm sure that will confuse him for ages untold," one of the other demons in the room laughed.  "He could barely handle two sons."

John shrugged.  "I'm staying out of their family business.  As long as it doesn't hurt mine.  Then we'd have a war."  They all smiled at that.  "Remember, I do have Xander on my side."  A few moaned and he smiled.  "Thank you for your help and indulgence.  Let one of us know if there are big problems in town."

"We commonly send an informant up to your mate's play area to let him know," the head demon assured him.  "He hunts very well on his own.  We were surprised considering his reputation."

John stared at him.  He hadn't known Xander was really hunting again.  "He's always been more than the girls thought.  If only because they were teenage girls and never quite saw him as he was, only how they wanted him to be."

"Good point.  Thank you."  John nodded and left.  "He is very polite," he noted.

"But clearly his mate is not taking care of matters."

"It is often thus when a political marriage is forced," the head demon pointed out.  "Thankfully they are faithful to each other."  They all nodded that was good.  "Has the knight come into the city?"

"Yes, sir.  He waited outside in case he made us nervous."

"That is nice of him.  I appreciate that boy in many ways.  He does make our city safer for us."  They all smiled and got happy with the idea that the humans had.

***

John walked off the puddle jumper, handing Ronon a box of books.  "Xander sent that for McKay."  Ronon nodded.  "We've got to go over what you're teaching the marines in how to defend themselves, big guy."  He walked off beside him, carrying a shopping bag.  They walked into the lab.  "McKay, for some reason Xander sent you those and this."  He handed over the bag.  "I don't know what's in it."  He smirked.  "Demonology is being taught starting tomorrow, including to scientists in case it becomes necessary."

"What could we learn from them?" Rodney asked.

"You mean like how it was ten months where we were and not here?  Or how to travel between realms?  Or how to move realms?"  Rodney gaped.  He nodded.  "All that we experienced this time."  He walked off happier.  He had no idea what was in the bag.  He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Ronon handed over the box.  "I don't know, he said his mate said those were yours."  He walked off, finding a pitiful looking dog.  "Why didn't he bring you with him?"  He petted her, making her happy.  "We will find your father."  He walked off with the dog to find Sheppard.

Rodney looked inside the bag.  "Why did he give me this?" he demanded, finding the note in there.  He read it and snorted.  "I do not need that sort of..of device."  He dug through the rest.  More devices that he didn't want to think about and then a few things that made him inordinately pleased.  Seven huge candy bars.  The big, joke size.  Those he could use.  He pulled them out and handed the rest to Radek.  "You can have those."

"I would have no idea what to do with them," he said, staring inside the bag.

"Use them like you would the original purpose, a woman."

"None of those that I enjoy would be that passive.  Or inarticulate."

"Then give them to another scientist.  I'm sure some of them could use it.  Use it to get us favors."

"I could get more with those."  He tried to take a candy bar.

"Those are mine," he said, slapping his hand.  "Earned for worrying about Sheppard and us being attacked again."

"Fine.  Mean."  He walked off with the bag, handing it to their base psychologist.  "Here, was intended to reduce Rodney's stress so he is not so loud in chastising those who do things he doesn't want them to do.  He said he has no use, I have no idea of the use since will not chatter at me."  He walked off again.   He'd have to steal one of those candy bars later.  He looked at the box of books, picking up the top one to flip through.  He came to a picture that made him blink.  "Your past is your own," he said firmly, shutting the book and put it back into the box.  "I do not need to see."

"That's not my past!" Rodney shouted, glaring at him.  "That's some demented individual's idea of a fantasy.  Not that I know why."

"You are not the fantasy of anyone," Radek agreed.  "Not handsome, not muscled, tiny dicked.  No woman would fantasize about that."

"They're written by demons in another dimension and I'll have you know I've never been unable to please anyone I've slept with.  Not one single one has had complaints."

"Is that because you are," he said a word in Czech.

"No, I'm not a virgin!" he hissed, glaring harder at him.  "I've had many fine women and *I* didn't have to pay for them."

"Men should pay for the privilege of a woman's company one way or another.  Unless you are very cheap date."

Rodney spluttered.  "I am not!"

Sheppard leaned in.  "What did the naughty thing do now?"  He ducked a thrown test tube.  "I didn't look in the bag!"

"You should have!  It was ...was embarrassing!"

"Hey, I got all those stories he found of you so you wouldn't angst.  Calm down."

"Calm down!" he shouted.  "Why should I?  Do you know what he sent me?"

"All he told me was a single geeky guy's kit.  I figured it might have a porno tape."

"It had a blow up doll!" he hissed loudly.  "Plus surrogates!"

"At least he was trying to make you feel better.  He wasn't trying to embarrass you."

"How do you know?" Radek asked.

"I asked him just now.  He said he was trying to give you a way to calm down, whatever your tastes were, so you could quit being so cranky and Buffy-like when she hasn't had a date in a while."

"He compared me to a girl?" he said, glaring at his friend.

"No, he compared you to a huffy, cranky girl who hasn't gotten laid in a while," he admitted.  "He wanted to make you happier so you wouldn't be like her."

"How could he think I was!" he demanded.

"Because you're starting to act like her.  You even discounted him like she does.  He was trying to solve that for you.  So don't bitch at me."  He walked off.  "Muffin?" he called.  She came trotting up to him.  "Why didn't you want to get into the puddle jumper?"  She barked and wagged her tail. "Sure, we'll go play with the ball in my office."  He took her that way, going to figure out what to teach to stubborn Marines who might just want to blow any demons away instead of respecting the more peaceful ones.  All of the people on Atlantis were a bit too battle hardened at times.  Muffin whined so he threw the ball again.  She bounded out to get it and came back.  She whimpered again.  "If you had gotten on the puddle jumper, you could be with daddy right now."  He threw the ball again.

Woolsey stormed down to the lab.  "McKay, take the dog home to her father.  Now."

"If I see him right now I'll swat him at the very least.  He said I was acting like a huffy girl."

"I don't care!" Woolsey snapped.  He heard a growl and looked around.  "Sheppard, is that the dog?"

"Is what the dog?   She's with me."

Woolsey heard the growl again.  "Get down here, Sheppard.  To the labs.  Now!"  He hung up and backed against a wall.

Rodney and Radek were staring at him oddly.  "Perhaps he needs those?" Radek suggested.

"It may be.  He never takes any time off."  John came jogging in and paused, looking around.  Then he muttered something and went to find a knife.  He came back and killed the little demon, making it appear.  "Huh," Radek said.

John smiled.  "They feed on emotions.  They must love McKay for his outbursts."  He walked the corpse off, letting the infirmary have it.

"I'm not like him," Woolsey yelled after him.

"Of course you're not," John agreed with a backward wave at him.

Radek snorted.  "Two yellers, that is all this city needs.  Will be shaken apart by sonic vibrations from yelling."  Woolsey huffed off.  Radek petted the dog.  "I do not know how boy does without you.  You are very comforting."

John came back.  "He's pouting because she wouldn't get into the puddle jumper today.  C'mon, Muffin.  We'll go find Teyla.  You haven't gotten to pet her yet."  He walked off and the dog barked at Radek before following.

"She is sweet dog."

"She's a very sweet dog," Rodney said.  "There was a demon in here and we didn't notice?"  Radek nodded.  "It must have screwed something up."

Radek sighed, swearing at him in Czech again.  "I will check results for anomalies if you give over candy bar."  Rodney glared at him.  "Only one.  Will take one you don't like even."

"Fine," Rodney complained, handing him one of them.  "There, go make sure it didn't interfere with anything."

"Hmm, and sign you up on dating sites so you find a woman who will put up with you," he muttered as he walked off.

"You'd better not!"

"Would make everyone happy," he said with a smile.  "Either that or someone must call your sister.  Maybe she knows of woman who will put up with you."  He smirked back but Rodney took the results clipboard and the candy bar back, going to do it on his own.  He was even mean enough to take the rest of them with him.  "I'll get you anyway," he called after him.

"I could be nice and make Sheppard get you some of your own when he takes the dog back."  He gave his second-in-command an evil look.  "But only if you behave and don't do anything vile like signing me up for a smutty matchup site."

"I was going to find decent one.  Not for sluts.  They'd never have fun with you."  He took his candy bar back and walked off to find something to do.

"Figure out that time dilation ratio he went through to see if he aged any."

"Fine."

"Thank you."  He went back to checking the results.  "Sheppard," he said, spotting him up the hall.  "Zalenka needs sweets if you could handle that.  Before his mind goes even farther into the gutter and I end up spammed across every personal site there is."

"He'd have to update what a few of the lesser science corps did," John said.  "They thought you'd be happier with a date too.  But if I can I will."  Rodney pointed at the dog.   "I know."  He petted her.  "She's a good puppy.  Want to help me retrieve Xander's birthday present?"

"No.  He might not like me touching it."

"I think he'd want it to be in friendly hands instead of everyone else's."   He went to the armory.  "Boys," he said as he walked in.

"Woolsey said he can't have it back anyway, sir."

John stared at them.  "What?"

"Sir, he said it's now Atlantis property."

"No it's not."

"He can't own that by law."

"I'm pretty sure he can get an exemption.  Especially since half the government knows he has it.  Put it back.  Tonight.  Before I make Xander come and move it himself."  They all shuddered.  He smirked.  "Because you know his now-dead fiancee gave that to him right?"  He walked off.  "I'll be doing paperwork with the dog."  He went back to the office to handle that.  Evan hated paperwork as much as he did so he had let a lot of it slide.

Woolsey leaned in.  "You can't have it back.  General Landry's orders."

John called him, putting him on speaker.  "Xander said either his birthday present is back in my custody or he's going to make someone sorry since apparently Cam Mitchell's new girlfriend is a succuba.  He could kill it for him but he's not real inclined right now.  Even if you do get Sam to ask him nicely, General."

"Why is this an issue?" the general sighed.

"You had me put it into the armory."

"Because you have three people on your base who'd like to use it against everyone in the city, Woolsey.   Have some damn sense.  Trust me, if the boy needs it for an apocalypse, he'll want it quickly.  Not having to come raid your armory.  Because then there's no telling what he'll pull out of his ass."

"You might want to have Sam or Daniel talk to him about the bright, shiny, obviously cobbled together laser someone built him too, sir.  You never know where Xander gets anything...outside of that CIA contact that likes him."

"Gibbs talked to him.  The guy said he didn't remember Xander until Tony stepped in and mentioned kitten poker," Landry said dryly.  "Then he told him he's a good guy, he protects others, and he's not going to bother him for that since it's saving him doing his job in too many places at once.  What is in his hunting closet?"

"The closet, not much.  The safe....  Has a few iffy things that I'd call an apocalypse closet light.  The one under the work room floor I haven't gotten into yet, sir."

"Should we ask?" Landry said dryly.

"I thought about it, I got distracted.  He might kiss Carter if she did.  Since she's now his new best female friend....."

"That might warp her horribly.  Fine, I'll have her ask over the phone or something.  Yes, he can have that back, Woolsey.  Training for SG personnel in demonology, Sheppard?"

"Awaiting books, starting with advanced hand-to-hand and light blade weapons, sir.  Seventy percent can be beheaded and killed that way."

"Some can't be?  You'd think taking off the head would kill something."

"Some have their brains in other spots," John told him.  "Some you can't find a head on.  There's a few that're armored and things.  Including a demonic crab.  Very tasty but very mean and has a poisoned spike in the claw."

Woolsey moaned.  "We saw one of those recently."

"Probably.  They're native to the area and very tasty.  As long as you remove the poison spike it's very good.  If not, pray."

Landry snickered.  "I've seen one of those.  Our xenobiologists got sent one to see if it was a mutation."

"No, just demonic and harmless.  Basically an other-realm-native, sir."

"Good to know.  Are there many of those?"

"I can compile a list once I get the books from Cleveland."

"That'd be fine with me.  Carter mentioned this thing that acted like a food generator?"

"Oh, yeah, that thing.  It's nice.  Xander has it though.  You have to be nice to it, pet it and ask it nicely, but then it'll keep producing food until you tell it to quit."

"Magical or demonic, son?" Landry asked.

"Not real sure, sir.  Never investigated it since it kept us fed while we were there.  Oh, all those *novels*, I had Xander turn them over to Rodney McKay earlier.  That way no one could find them by accident, get any ideas, or piss him off enough to make him want to create more weapons.  I believe he appreciated it but Xander also gave him some sort of single geek's kit and he was ranting and complaining about that instead."

"I probably don't want to know what it was, right?" Landry asked.

"Some of it was candy."

"The rest I'll leave to a blanked out imagination.  Thank you for the warning, Sheppard.  They're deciding today which area they want to live in."

"That's fine.  Tony will let us know, sir."

"Fine."  He hung up and cackled for a good, long time.  He enjoyed that boy and his husbands sometimes.  His secretary gave him a worried look.  "Tell Carter to ask Harris what he has in his apocalypse vault for me."

"Yes, General."  She closed the door behind her, letting him go back to cackling. It must have been Atlantis.  They were always making him laugh.

***

Xander frowned, going to see why his computer was beeping.  "Sam!" he said, seeing her on his monitor.  "Problems?"

"Few things.  That food thing?  What is it?"

"Damn handy."

"Beyond that?  Magical, demonic?  Any idea?"

"Beyond created by a long lost race of very civilized demons?  Not really.  Why the interest?"

"We were thinking if it was easily made we might see if one can be put on an outgoing ship."

"Oh!   That makes sense," he agreed with a grin.  "I have no idea but as long as you don't break it you can take readings from it."

"I might do that."  She smiled.  "Second thing, your birthday present did get handed back to John."

"I heard that," he said smugly.  "And that you're supposed to nag me about my apocalypse closet."

"Yes I am," she agreed with a smirk.  "How big is it?"

"I moved the one I had in Sunnydale?  It was already mine so I shipped it with my other stuff.  I'm not sure if the radiation warped the shrinking spells or not though.  I'll have to check that out."

She coughed, looking at him.  "Shrinking spells?"

"Yeah.  So they're not too big."  He beamed.

"Uh-huh."  She considered it.  "I thought that was a crypt on your keychain, Xander."

"Welllllllll, no," he admitted.  Cam rolled his chair back to stare at him.  "Did you want me to tell her how to run off your succubus girlfriend?"

"Please.  Or how to kill it.  Either's good.  How do I prevent it from coming back?"

"I'll send her that in an email tonight.  For tonight, just say no.  Have a headache.  That's the only thing that worked on Anya.  Even a concussion didn't stop her.  But she wasn't really a succuba, though she would've been a great one.  She was really needy."

Daniel leaned into view.  "Nice diversion technique, Xander.  What weapons are we talking about?"

"Cam's since he's dating a succuba."

"Uh-huh," Sam said.  "Xander, how about you send me a shrunken thing so I can sample the spell?  That way we know if we can get a witch on project and see if it'll be useful for shipments of things we don't want to admit.  Think about it for special ops."

Xander considered it.  "That costume's original owner was one of them."  She moaned.  "I had no idea Sierra Leon was that pretty."  He sighed.  "Fine.  You can have one or two."

"How many do you have?"

He blew a kiss and shut down the connection.  He sent back to John that he wanted his dog back please, then went to pull one or two up for her.  Well, maybe three.  One had gotten soaked through so it was probably unworking.  He could sacrifice that.  The other two had discolored so he was fairly certain that they had been broken somehow.  And he sent one that he knew would work because he had tested it.  He beamed, packing them into a box with the food giver.  That'd make them happier.  On top he laid out the photocopied sections he had on succuba.  Faith had made sure he had some in case they came for him since he was always so sexually frustrated with husbands who had to visit.

The End.

Chapter 12: Warped Planning

Rodney has a brief moment of crisis of faith/science.  Xander realizes that things haven't been seen yet and does his impersonation of Common Sense Man, which means there's a mass meeting and pie.

John got called into the lab by Radek, who was worried abut McKay.  "What's wrong?" he asked as he strolled in.

"He is so huffy he's gone silent.  Is unnatural and worrying."  He pointed at where Rodney was outside on the balcony staring at the water instead of ranting.  "Was yelling about demons and things then maybe had a stroke.  He said no but you never know."

"I'll talk to him."  He walked out there, making sure the door was closed.  He leaned his back against the railing to look at his friend and teammate.  "Which demonic thing got to you?"

"They can do improbable things."

"Yup, but that's kind of the definition of magic."  He grimaced but let it clear up.  "I'm not particularly fond of magic most of the time.  It worries me and it's easy to misuse."

"I can see why."  He looked at him.  "That food thing is a food replicator that's biological."

"Hmm.  So some replicating species?"  Rodney nodded.  "How long will it last for?"

"Years probably.  I have no idea.  Plus they warp the boundaries of what we know is the truth about the world."

"Yes but if they didn't, we would all be dead by now."

"I can't reconcile magic in a world of science."

"No one's asked you to yet, just explain the effects."

"Which I'll never fully be able to do because magic is illogical and unscientific."

John considered it.  "It may be that magic calls on other forms of energy and has a physics of its own.  There are some technopagans but most of them are computer sorts."

Rodney leaned down on the railing, shaking his head.  "It can't be reconciled."

"Why not?  We know energy reacts in different ways when you use it.  The same as different radiation waves do.  The same as we know electric works different than ZPM energy, this is just a different form of energy with its own physics rules and regulations."

"It seems like there's no end of what they can do."

"It's bounded by the energy, the spell itself, and intent.  It can warp natural forces but not always.  A lot of people use it to add to natural forces' effects.  Some, like Rosenburg, try to warp things with it."

"But it covers everything from spirit to chaos to earth's core energy," he complained.

"That's different focuses.  The same as there's biochemists who work on drugs and some who work on hormones and some who work on ancient Chinese herbalism to see if it works."

"Well....."

"There are limits to what magic can do.  Usually it's a personal limit based on the spell and ethics.  Because most practitioners do have ethics.  Willow is not the average, she's an exception."

"It still doesn't relate back to science."

"I think, if you looked, a lot of it does, it just relies on baseline laws.  There's probably some unifying theory somewhere but I wouldn't know where to look."  He straightened up.  "Beyond that, you can mimic what they can do."

"It takes us years of research, thousands of dollars at the very least to build the proper machines, and all they have to do is learn a spell."

"It's never that easy, Rodney.  You have to take years to learn what you're doing, build up reserves to do more than light a candle, train your mind, those things."

"So like certain Eastern monks and priests with their martial arts?"

"Same thing teaching themselves," he agreed.  "Or they're wrong somehow.  Rosenburg skipped all that.  She went from floating a pencil to resouling Angel when he lost his."  Rodney gave him a horrified look.  "No one's sure how she did it but we all believe that's a root cause to her problems.  That and she built her identity on it.   Before she was the smart girl of the school and then she could do things that certain people noticed.  It's how they nearly drove Xander off, because he was normal."

"He's not normal."

"They still don't see it that way," John said with a small shrug.  "You and I see that he's done some things.  They ignored it even when he saved their lives because he was too normal.  Meaning he wasn't trained, didn't have magic, and wasn't a chosen one."

Rodney snorted, shaking his head.  "That makes no sense."

"Most teenagers don't," he agreed.  "Especially teenage girls."  Rodney nodded at that.  "There's a unifying theory.  The same as people have studied how those priests train themselves for years.  You always get to a point, even in physics, where the individual's impact matters.  In magic, it's if they have a gift.  Because if they don't they won't be able to do anything but use stolen or hoarded power.  Xander has to do that with his hellmouth taint in emergencies.  He can't do magic but he can use all that energy that he's got stored in him to do the same thing.  Tony said it was like quickening."

"I loathed that movie," Rodney admitted with a small, bitter chuckle.  "It seemed so unnatural."

"It might be.  It's not 'you go to school to learn to wave a wand' the way it is in books.  It's studying, a lot of studying, and experimenting with your personal stores, slowly making that grow to where you hit the high point of your potential.  No one was meant to be as strong as Willow is."

Rodney nodded.  "So it's a personal energy instead of a universal one?"

"From what I'm told, magic is like the Force, everywhere has it but only a few can use it."

Rodney grimaced.  "Another movie series I loathe.  Mystical guidance systems that let someone who's never flown before blow up a huge installation by hitting the two meter spot that no one else could."  He shook his head quickly.  "Not even you can do that."

"Actually, at one point in time, I could do that.  There was a sim game; one of those booth arcade games.  I won it nearly every time."  He smirked.  "That's how I knew I was meant to fly."

"You'd look strange in the robes," Rodney snorted but he was smiling now.

"Yeah, I kinda do.  But I could kick ass with a light saber."

"Teyla would do like Yoda," Rodney reminded him.

"Yeah, but I can learn just as much as she has."  He smirked.  "Just think, Teyla's like the Pegasus version of a slayer."

"Yes, she is, isn't she," he realized, scowling again.  "Is she affected by the slayer calling?"

"Nope.  I asked how they spotted slayers and made sure for her.  Different needs.  Down here they needed help against demons.  Pegasus had wraith to deal with instead."

"Hmm."  He shook himself.  "Do you think there might be a unifying theory?"

"I have no idea what it would be but according to most science gods, there's a unifying theory out there that explains everything."  He smirked.  "Which may put it into the realm of magic since it's still unknown."

"It may," he agreed.  "I hadn't thought of magic that way."  John nodded.  "Did anyone ever figure out how they do it?"

"Desire to train, a lot of training, it took well in them.  Training passed down for generations.  Which most powerful witches have in their background.  Another strike against Rosenburg.  Most powerful witches have it as a bloodline gift.  She doesn't."

"We're sure?"

"Very."  Rodney nodded once.  "So I'm not real sure about her.  She may be the exception that proves the rule."

"She may be," he admitted.  "If we take her out of the equation, it makes more sense.  She seems limitless."

"It depends on what she pulls from.  She can access the hellmouth, probably both of them, to enhance what she has."

"So she has a booster?"  John nodded.  "It's usually dangerous to amplify without testing."

"Yeah, I think we've proven addiction to magic is like that."

"Good point."  He considered it, going in to work on his computer to see if he could figure her out.  If he could prove she was a statistical anomaly it'd help others figuring out the unifying theory behind magic and physics.

John walked inside.  "Don't forget to eat," he reminded the two in there.  Radek nodded, looking at Rodney.  "Rodney, figure out what she's going to do next.  That way we have some warning."

"That's a probability issue," he complained.  "Ask a mathematician."

"Fine."  He went to find one to ask.  They had a few on base.

***

Tony looked at his team, who was scowling at him.  "It wasn't made to make me happy, guys."

"No, it wasn't," Gibbs agreed.  "It was made because he and I are among six others in CID, NCIS, and JAG that have clearance or have worked with one of their project before."

"Then why move Ducky and Abby?" Ziva asked.

"Because they could use Ducky's expertise in some things and Abby would pout and slow down the local lab."

"I would not, Gibbs," she complained, stomping a foot.  "Pout yes, slow down the lab, no."  She looked at Ziva.  "I'm someone who wouldn't look down at any strangeness they have either.  I'd just think it's cool.  Most of the other lab techs are a bit more uptight if you haven't met them.  Some of them make robots look like Disney Princesses if you want my honest opinion."  McGee snickered at that.  "Don't they?"

"They do," he agreed.

"Xander said to say that they're more uptight than Data when he first rolled off the manufacturing line," Tony offered.  "The upside of sending us is Ducky and Abby would just shrug whenever something odd came up instead of trying to figure it out in a way that would let information get out and you, Ziva, because it is an international program now.  Sending me was a nice gesture so things can go a bit more smoothly because they're not sure Vance is going to act like Sheppard about things.  McGee is really the one being sent because of the rest of the team.  I'm low man on the clearance totem pole even though I have worked with their alpha teams in the past before the aunts got that in their heads."

"I was wondering why now," Abby admitted, raising a hand slightly.  "I know the Vance thing is worrying but why worry about getting a team for their project?"

"Because they haven't had oversight in a while," Gibbs admitted.  "There's been a few problems and some of them are just now off combat situations."  Tony nodded at that.  "Beyond that, the higher ups have seen some reports saying that things have had to happen in the past that weren't exactly the most legal but were the most effective."

"Which we, as a team, have seen and handled before," Tony added.

"So we're there in case they have to step over the line to save lives, but we'll be able to make a judgement call because we've seen it and had it done before," McGee said.  Tony and Gibbs both nodded.  "That makes it more reasonable that I'm going as the baby brother to the team."

"You have the choice of changing teams if you want, McGee," Gibbs offered.

"Hell no.  You have me trained where you want me, Gibbs, and you'd kill any of them that joined the team.  Not like I can't deal with strange things too."  Abby grinned at him.

"Fine."  He looked at Ziva.  "There is an Israeli unit in the program, some Russians, some Canadians, especially in the science corps, and a few other countries are included."

"That's fine.  I don't have a problem with the assignment.  I was wondering why we were being sent."

"Because any normal agent, with the normal agent mentality, would be horrified, shocked, and an alcoholic after having to deal with the subject matter they deal with," Tony told her bluntly.  "Plenty of their own people don't deal well with it.  The normal agents, stuffed shirt, by the book, very mentally categorizing, would die from their brains exploding.  We've got a mentally easy-going thing going among the team."

"I have seen many strange things from my travels in my youth," Ducky agreed.

"So the only decision is are we moving to San Fran to be closer to the newly relocated portion of the project, that's just come off battlefield status, or do we move to Colorado Springs?" Gibbs asked quietly.  "They're letting us decide which one we want to nest at."

"Do not decide this one because of me, people," Tony ordered.  "I can still commute either way."  They nodded at that.  "Colorado Springs has a good national forest, mountains, snow, hiking, outdoorsy stuff, and a smaller city.  No direct major flights unless you change over in Denver.  It's about an hour from Denver, which is the New York of the Midwest, western part.  Chicago's the eastern version of the Midwest New York."

"San Francisco is a huge city, on hills, has state parks out the butt, art festivals, major tourist attractions, and a lot of bases nearby," Abby offered.  "It's more expensive to live there, it's a more open city, and there's lots of things to do for everyone who doesn't enjoy a good hike."

"Colorado Springs has a lot to do," Tony told her.  "I got a rundown from Sam Carter and Cam Mitchell."  He got into his email to put it onto the big screen.  McGee pulled up a tourists guide to San Francisco so they could compare.

"The city has a bigger range of activities but it's much more expensive," Ziva said.  "More expensive than it is here."

Tony nodded.  "That is one thing.  Though, with call in, you can live a few miles outside of the main center and get it cheaper.  Like we do here."

"What is the base's call-in?" Gibbs asked him.

"Three hours in normal traffic.  They have a local guy in the science corps who marked a map for normal traffic and heavy traffic.  Before you ask, Xander lives past Alameda by a few miles.  On the coast."

Gibbs nodded at that.  "Well within call in then."

"Even during heavy traffic, yeah.  Also, San Francisco is not flat," he told Ziva.

"I've heard that.  Seen pictures of Lombard Street in the news."

"Yes, but the rest of the city isn't flat either.  Also, we'd have earthquakes now and then."

Abby nodded.  "That's my big thing.  Though I love the city.  There's some parts of the city I'd be considered too normal," she said at Ziva's look.  "San Francisco is where hippies started, free love started, tattoos got really popular before they hit Seattle, piercings too.  Now they have people who're doing things like tongue splitting."

"I saw an article on that," McGee said with a shudder.  "Yes, Ziva, a tenth of the city is filled with people like that.  Another tenth are filled with very influential people.  Wine country is a few hours outside the city.  A few excellent colleges, silicon valley is nearby too."

"LiveJournal's servers are there," Abby added.  "It's very technological but still has that upper crust society portion.  Plus a lot of arts, artists, comedians, music groups all start from there."

"Colorado Springs is a lot more quiet but it has things to do," Tony told them.  "Cheaper, no earthquakes but if the Mountain has a problem we'll be in the line of duty.  And probably fire," he admitted at Gibbs' look.

"You're pushing hard to have to commute on the weekends," he said quietly.

"I don't want them choosing just so I don't have to, Gibbs.  That's an added bonus but if they won't be happy there then I can't and won't push it that way."

"I like that," Gibbs agreed.

"I think San Francisco's annoyingly loud," Ducky admitted.  "But there is much more to do."

"On the downside, the main project's in Colorado Springs," Gibbs told him.  "One part of the project is outside the city there, and then the main program is inside Cheyenne Mountain.  Their head is there too.  All programs answer back to the Mountain."

McGee considered it.  "How long is flying?"

"Three hours non-stop when you can find it," Tony told him.  "Four to five if you have a layover."

"That's a long commute for you," Ziva said.

Tony nodded.  "Beats it from here by nearly a day," he told her.  "Here it's something like seven hours on a plane total nonstop."  She shuddered.  "So yeah, really closer."  He realized he was starting to sound like Xander and mentally slapped himself.  Good agents didn't use valley slang.

"Would we be responsible for the bases in San Francisco?" Abby asked.

"No, they have their own office," Tony told her.  "There's mostly Coast Guard.  Some at the recruiting center.  A private laboratory that's listed as a military base by google maps.  I think they're laser research.   A few closed bases."

"The main training center on the west coast used to be there," Gibbs agreed.  "They used to rave about the beaches."

Ducky nodded.  "I've seen that one.  Well, I've seen all of San Francisco many years ago and I've never been to Denver.  It seems the majority of our work would be in Colorado."

"Maybe," Gibbs said.  "The project out in the bay is just off battle status.  They're having to do things to deal with boredom as they move back to a research oriented program."

"In hiding," Tony added.  "Because you can stare at it and not see it."  They all groaned at that.

"Which is going to be less of a problem if your family's training comes up?" Abby asked him.

"San Fran has a lot of peaceful demons, Abby.  Including a city council.  They have some harmful demons but as I've recently learned through John, Xander's made a dent in a few of them.  Colorado Springs has a few demons, mostly peaceful, some on the project.  We'd also be dealing with associated projects, which would mean Area 51 and, as my mate calls them, NID Weenies now and then.  They want on the project badly.  Both parts."

"Did they leave Xander alone?" she asked him.

"Finally.  Sam Carter did some skin and blood samples that made them decide he wasn't worth the money to capture and keep.  The day they had him in custody after that they had to spend a lot in the ER," he said when Gibbs stared at him.  "Which I didn't hear about either, no."

"I'm guessing that's something you'll have to talk about," Gibbs said plainly.  "And his weapons stash.  Again."

"His hunting closet is his own, boss, and Carter was dealing with that.  Though, on a lighter note, someone did suggest they move that one project to somewhere like that one show, Abby.  It'd make everything easier."  She burst out giggling, nodding as she leaned on McGee's shoulder.

"I like that show," McGee moaned.  "Is it that bad?"

"That warping," Tony said dryly.  "The science corps on both bases would be that bad, yes.  Though I don't know who Fargo is yet among them.  They do have some of the finest minds in cultural and hard sciences in the world on the project."

"Which means some of them have little sense," Gibbs reminded him.

"Boss, I'm waiting on you to meet Doctor McKay."  He smirked at him.  "He's loud, he's rude, he's sarcastic, he's a genius, he was on a team, Sheppard's team actually, and I'm not sure if you'll want to shoot him or befriend him.  Even John's not sure some days if he wants to shoot him or not."

"Where's he placed?" Gibbs asked.

"Head scientist for the project out there."  He looked at the others.  "Realistically, whichever we end up in, we'll be traveling a good bit."

"Which has more problems right now?" Ziva asked.

"Both.  The one out there has problems with people being jealous, bored, just getting leave after being in combat situations all the time, and changing personnel in some areas, like the infirmary.  The main base has problems with people on teams screwing up majorly, people doing things in town, and other issues."

"Vance has said whichever we don't stay at, we'll have an apartment with enough sleeping areas for us and a work area," Gibbs told them.  "We'd have an office in the Mountain in Colorado.  In the other area, DiNozzo?"

"Work area, boss.  There's no daily commuting but there is a commute/leave facility in town that we can put an office into.  They have a nice hanger to help commuting for conjugal and leave visits.  There's enough room in there to put in a small office."

"Us?" Abby asked.

"Colorado Springs most likely," Vance said as he came to join them.  He looked at the tourist ideas.  Then at them.  "This really is an easy assignment, we hope."

"Yeah," Tony snorted.  "But we've had other problems among the staff.  Including guys who haven't been on shore leave in a while causing problems in both projects."

"I'm hoping that's the worst you have to handle," he admitted.

Tony shrugged.  "They had a scientist that calibrated the security measures on purpose to exclude anyone not like her, Director Vance."

"I've heard.  The hunting issue?"

"Both are mostly peaceful areas.  No difference except that Xander's hunting those that aren't near him."

"So the only real change for you is commute?" Vance asked him.

"Which I don't want to be the reason we decide in that area's favor."

"I doubt they would," Vance said dryly, turning away from him.

"No, I would," McGee said.  "If it was even, I'd probably swing that way to help him out.  Xander and John being around make him happier.  He gets to play with the dog more often too."

Abby nodded.  "I would too.  What about the local offices?"

"Federal building.  Presidio," Vance told her.

She considered it.  "Neither have *great* labs.  The one out there would be more tolerant and open than the one here though."

"Some of the agents out there are more uptight," Gibbs warned.  Tony nodded quickly at that.  "To make up for the looser atmosphere they feel they have to be."

"Hmm.  Their lab techs never say things like that."

Tony shrugged.  "Half of them have their guns stuck up their ass cracks," he told her.  "Seriously uptight, Abby."

"I'll ask Sheila about them."  She moved to email her.  The email notice chimed a few minutes later while everyone else was pointing out their points.  "Guys, the Federal Building does not have our office."  She looked at Vance.  "Nor do they have open areas."

"Since it's mostly Coast Guard now, NCIS shut that office under Morrow," Gibbs said.  "There's a few bases that have officers there."

"The nearest is six hours to the city, boss," Tony told him.  "John's been looking at family off-base housing."

"Hmm.  Too far for a day pass probably."

"Three hours is their limit."

"You could split the team, sitting one in each area and the rest floating," Vance offered.  "McGee might like being in Colorado."

"Ziva's the better option there since it's an international project," Gibbs told him.  "Which would leave Tony in San Francisco without backup unless we were out there on a case.  We'll work that out ourselves."

"Fine.  Pick a city today so I can set things up."  He walked off.  Then he came back to look at DiNozzo.  "What happened to cause this situation?"

"Our aunts drugged us.  We're fifth cousins and I got sucked in unexpectedly due to calling at the wrong time."

"I see.  How bad is it?"

"Bad enough that Xander has visions that Tony feels and gets things off of," Ducky told him.

"That's very bad then.  Would closeness matter?"

"Nope.  John was getting some before all this, because those two were closer, before the big thing hit Sunnydale."

"Interesting."

"If they hadn't finished it off, we'd be losing both of them due to traumatic brain damage," Gibbs told him.

"That's very interesting.   Do we have other agents who have this problem?"

"No," Gibbs admitted.  "Not that I'm aware of.  You'd have to ask them, sir."

"Fine.  Thank you for that information."  He walked off considering it.

"Even if they did, it wouldn't mean they'd see anything related to cases," Tony said as Vance walked up the stairs beside them.  "It depends on what you're focused on.  Some see big things, some see personal things, some see things like fires ahead of time.  There's a good book series by ...."  McGee pulled his copy out and tossed it to the director.  "I didn't know you had that."

"I was looking at it as possible information on what you were going through and how to help you since the people in Cleveland said she got a lot of things right about gifts in that series and another author got a lot of magic things right in another one."

"Do we have the other series?" Vance asked him.

"I do at home," Abby offered.

"Can I get the name at least?"

"Of course.  I'll send you a link to the Amazon.com page."

"Thank you, Abby and McGee."  He went upstairs to look over that book.  It wasn't his genre of choice but he needed to know how to deal with agents who had gifts like these.  He had no idea what to do about it so far beyond leave time.

***

John suddenly smiled during dinner.  "Guys, the NCIS team that's being assigned to us is moving to the Mountain," he announced.  They all groaned at that.  "They'll handle it for CID and international groups as well.  One of their people is Mossad."  That got a few nods and Woolsey stared at him.  "If we need them, they'll travel out to us or the other projects like Antarctica if it's still going."

"That'd be acceptable," Woolsey agreed.  "So they'll be handling everything but JAG?"

"They'll be handling the initial but if they have to turn over for trials they'll brief one person in the local office for that.  Since we know that one out here, it may be him."

Woolsey nodded.  "That will work for me if Landry likes it."

"I think it was left up to the team."  He ate a bite, considering it.  "We might have to brief them.  So they know when things are wrong and going worse than usual."

"I'll do that if the generals want," Woolsey decided, finishing up so he could call the main base and ask about that.

John looked at the other guys.  "Anyone have any problems with the program having its own NCIS team?"

"They don't do Air Force," one said.

"No, but they can handle us until we have to be handed to JAG."

"How did they get a Mossad liaison?" one asked.

"The last director put one on Gibbs' team.  Since Gibbs has worked cases on the base, they have her, and Tony has high enough clearance, we're getting their whole team, plus their chosen lab tech and ME, Ducky Mallard."

A few smiled at that.  "Abby definitely won't look oddly at us for strange things," a pilot said.  A few gave him strange looks.  "Gibbs' team figured out who shot one of the pilots I used to serve with when he was off-base one night.  Twenty as a Marine, and twenty or so in NCIS."

"He is a hardass," John offered.  "But he's good."

"Sucks for you three though," McKay noted, stuffing his mouth afterward.

"Not really.  It cuts an all-day flight down to three hours."

Woolsey came back to stare at him.  "That is your spouse's team, isn't it?"

"Yes, Tony has high enough clearance to deal with cases out there and Gibbs has dealt with a Cheyenne Mountain case before.  That and Vance wants him out of DC before people start to think more about moving the team to a hunting squad that he doesn't want to see come into being either."

"That's fine.  Shorter commute?"

"Down to three hours."

"Even better."  He walked off again.  "McKay, I need to brief them about the science corps and city's capabilities.  Get it to me by tomorrow afternoon."

John thought at Tony then grinned at him.  "Basics, the ATA gene thing, that stuff.  Not individual bios.  Enough so if they get called here they aren't startled by anything and can find their way around."

"I can do that tonight while I'm in my rooms."  He finished up and headed back to do that since it was his day off.

John finished his dinner.  "Teyla, sparring?"

"You don't get enough beating up the others during training?" she teased.

"Not really.  Ronon's beating them up most of the time."  She smirked and nodded.  "Thanks."  He finished up and went to the practice area to strip down to a tank top and stretch.  He heard a purr from Xander and smirked mentally at him then shut him out with a 'practice' answer.  Teyla came in and grabbed fighting sticks, tossing him a pair.  "Thank you."  They moved into the usual center of the room and started off.  It was good until John winced as Xander got hit somewhere hard.  "Ow, Xander."  She gave him a look as she backed off.  "No, it's all right.  He's fine.  He got banged on the knee and kicked the demon's ass for it."  He attacked this time and it was good.  Xander was going to get chewed out later.  Tony was already starting on him for hunting without backup.  The answer that he was in the club didn't help any at all.

"You're distracted," she said, breaking off.

He sighed.  "Tony's chewing Xander a new one."

"You need to focus, even with them having a fight."

"I know."  He pulled up his shields and went back to it.  He could ignore them.  Even when Tony poked  him a few times.  He finally gave up and yelled at them both.  They quieted down and Xander apologized.  Tony apologized for chewing him a new one.  John apologized for yelling and said they'd figure it out this weekend or during a dreamtalk.  They decided that was a good idea.  He got back to it.  "Sorry."

"You have to learn how to weed them out sometimes.  You can't stop a firefight to yell at them."

"If it was a firefight they would have stopped," he said blandly, making her smile.  "He doesn't bother us when we're working.  It's just that he was hunting by himself and got hurt."

"Ronon said he was a good warrior but not a great one.  Is that not foolish?"

"Which is why Tony was yelling at him for it," John agreed.  "We'll be talking about it later."

She smiled.  "It is always better to talk than to yell."

"Yes but sometimes you want to yell.  Especially when they do stupid things like dance with succuba," he said, turning away to kick a wall while muttering at Xander.  Who told him to quit distracting him.  He waited until he had drawn the demon outside to banish then yelled at him.  Tony joined in.  Xander pointed out it was his job and if they didn't like it, go do it for him.  Then he put up the heaviest shields he had so he could go back to it.  John looked back at her.  "Spanking a spouse is wrong, right?"

"Probably unless they enjoy it?" she guessed.  "I have not been married."

"Want mine before I spank him or afterward?"

Ronon leaned in.  "I'm glad you have not offered me that choice."

"Xander is off hunting alone," she told him.

"That is not wise," Ronon said.  "Even for the best of warriors.  There are distractions."

"Which he decided us nagging him was just now."  He turned back to get into sparring.  He needed the stress release.  She smiled at his actions.  They were more jerky than usual but it had to happen to clear your mind sometimes.

Ronon shook his head.  That young one was worrying at times.  He had no idea what was wrong with him this time.

***

Tony and John appeared on the dream plane, looking at Xander's spot.  It was cobwebbed over.  "Shields?" he guessed.

"Or mental floss."  He touched it and got smacked at mentally but otherwise no Xander. He poked until Xander swatted him again and went back to what he was doing.  Then he finally showed up an hour later, sweaty and dusty.  "Vampires?" John asked dryly.

"Some, yeah.  Decided to pounce instead of paying their poker debt."  He looked at them.  "What?"

"Hunting alone," Tony said bluntly.  "It's dangerous."

Xander stared at him.  "It's not like I don't do it all the time, Tony.  You two don't hunt.  The girls didn't exactly hunt *with* me.  They thought I was an accessory."  He disappeared.  He had something he had to deal with.  He had thoughts stuck in his head and he needed them moved to the right spots so he could figure it out.

John and Tony shared a look.  "You two don't hunt?" he asked John.

"No, I barely get any time off base."

"Think you can move him to base housing?"

"Nope.  Not unless he signs on."  He grimaced at the spot.  "We've got to have a longer talk," he decided.  He disappeared.  He could apply for a weekend pass.  Then he'd sit on top of Xander to hold him down while he talked to him about some smarter choices.  They could get a slayer out here who might work with him.

Tony went back to his own body to think the rest of the night.  This wasn't going to make him happy.

***

Xander found the reference he needed online and grimaced.  This was going to hurt.  A lot.  But it had to be done.  Because clearly, higher beings and common sense didn't always mix.  Or appear on the same plane, whatever.  He went into the former work area, carefully drawing the markings in chalk before starting on the chant.  An angel he didn't know appeared, grimacing in distaste.  "Sorry, dude, but it's kinda important.  We met with one of you guys about this whole Powers vs. Powers thing going on and there's a few points that need to be looked at from a higher end."

"Who are you?" he demanded coolly.

"Xander Harris.  Hunter, former backup to the Slayers.   I'm also known as Captain Common Sense and Captain Improbable depending on which demon clan you talk to," he said dryly.  "I was trying to get the one we talked to last time."

"You can't just summon one of us," he sneered.

"Yet you came," Xander shot back.  "I wasn't going to be hostile.  I just foresaw some points that are going to make your job kinda obsolete when there's no more humans."

"Of course there will be," he laughed.

"Not when you've got two higher powers fighting on this realm.  The power struggle is going to create an apocalypse.  Both sides will try to claim the slayers and hunters, so who's going to protect the normal ones?"  The angel glared at him.  "You know what, I don't wanna talk to you.  That's why I was trying to get the other guy, who actually knows what's going on.  Clearly, you and the old Powers share a problem of being out of touch with reality."  The angel he wanted appeared.  "Thank you."  He looked at him, getting an impatient look back.  "What happens when they fight?" he asked him.

"There'll be a battle."

"Beyond that.  Two higher powers, the ones who had power over those who protect the normal humans from the dark, fighting on *this* realm."

The second angel considered it.  "An apocalypse," he realized.  Xander nodded.  "That's not something we can help."

"There's no way of getting them to argue on some other realm?  Hopefully a dead one?  Even if they try to pull the slayers or it bleeds over to here to cause an apocalypse, that's still better than it happening *here* and killing every human on the earth.  Which kinda renders you guys obsolete, doesn't it?"

"It would," the second one agreed, considering it.  He ignored the seething of the first one.  "I have no idea how we'd manage to make them fight somewhere else, Xander."

"Neither do I.  I thought maybe you guys might have an honorable combat rule book?  Some way of forcing it for all the other Powers out there?  I doubt even Hell wants it here because then they'd lose too."

"What?" the first angel demanded, starting to laugh.  "You have no idea what you're speaking about, boy."

Xander stared at him.  "No humans means no demons who can steal souls, no reason for angels to be around, and no way for you guys to possess people.  By the way, begone before I unpossess you."  The angel snickered.  Xander started the chant he knew, which wasn't the one Sam and the other hunters used.  The second angel got out of the way.  The first one screamed in pain and disappeared.  "Sorry you had to see that."

"Some of us aren't involved fully in this situation yet," he admitted.  "Though that was mean."

"He's middle management and you're a grunt soldier?" Xander guessed.

"To put it bluntly and crudely, yes," the angel admitted.

"No one ever taught me tact outside of Willow, and look what she's become," he said dryly.

"That is a whole other problem."

Xander nodded.  "I figured she was.  Especially with that radical power spike she had way back when."  He stared at him.  "Which side decides the realm?"

"I don't know but I can ask and point out that problem."

"Please.  I'm going to make John pissed at me anyway in a few minutes.  Then Cordy and them."

"Why piss off the one who was returned?" the angel asked.

"How old is the called Slayer MJ?" he asked him.

The angel gave him a horrified look.  "That is a good reason to have him there."

"I'd say it was his job to help them the most.  The older girls yes, them definitely.  Am I missing any other really important points that we forgot to consider?"

"Not that I'm aware of.  I will ask the higher ups about those points.  Thank you.  Don't try to summon us again."

Xander shrugged.  "I didn't think I could call for you like I do my dog, even if I knew your name, dude.  I doubt you guys come like that.  Cordelia sure as hell doesn't."

"No, I wouldn't be summoned that way," he admitted, almost smiling.  "You are not the normal human."

"No, I'm not, no matter who thinks I am."

The angel stared at him.  "Every human has their blind spots and prejudices."

"Yup and I realize that.  It sucks that even after proving it to them they still have it.  To this day."

"You have a better reward and support structure."

"Who like me, which is nice and something I've been missing since about...forever, but there's some wounds that probably won't fully heal.  I'm mature enough to let the past be painful but not let it fully color the present."

"Good.  Because that would defeat you in this battle."

"I kinda doubt that.  I've had to deal with friends before," he said quietly.  "I know they can't."  The angel slumped but nodded.  "I'll sob if I survive and pay my penance if I don't.  Because war sucks ass that way."

"That is one way of looking at it."  He disappeared, going to talk to the higher bodies.  That was a problem in the making.  All the humans would be destroyed.  That wasn't a good thing.

Xander called Cleveland, putting it on speaker while he worked on relaxing himself.  "John, you're going to hate me."

"Kid, do you know what time it is?" he demanded calmly.

"It's ten in the morning on the west coast, John, so it's later out there.  I'd figure you'd be up by now."

"I was laying down for a nap before patrol," he admitted.  He groaned a bit.  "What's wrong?  Major incursion?"

"No, major issue that you're going to hate me for."

"Why would I hate you?  Is it going to get my sons killed?"

"No, but this present issue that got you called back?"

"Yes," John said slowly.  "Why?"

"How old is MJ, John?"

"Nine."

"So what will a fully called slayer who is nine be doing in this battle?" he asked.

"Shit."

"Like I said, you'll hate me, but the older girls can make their own decisions.  Buffy and Faith will be pulled but they can make their own decisions."

"The younger ones can't," John sighed.

"Which I think is your job.  Right?"

"I guess it would be."

"John, we have no idea when it'll come.  I'm at the stage of hoping like *hell* they can find a way to fight on another plane.  Before we have an apocalypse *here*."

"I can see that point, Xander."

"Thank you.  Let me know if I'm missing more common sense points."

"Of course I will."  He hung up and got out of bed, redressing and heading down there.  "Buffy, call a senior meeting," he called as he walked.  "Xander just had a common sense moment."

"Aw, crap!" Buffy called, coming out of her office with Giles.  "Why?"

"A probable apocalypse with the fight.  There's kids here who're called.  Ones who'll want to jump in."  He stared her down.

She grimaced.  "I hate it when Xander does that."

"Well, now we have to."  He looked at Giles.  "If the Powers are going to fight down here it's probably going to be an apocalypse."

"With their range of abilities, we might be looking at a super apocalypse, well beyond what would have happened if we had lost in Los Angeles," Giles said.  He took off his glasses to clean them.

"Then let's make some plans on how to respond," John said.  "Including who takes the younger slayers and witches out of harms' way.  Because some of them may want to jump in."

Buffy nodded.  "I can get behind that plan.  Why couldn't Xander do that?"

"He's the one who called me, Buffy."  She groaned.  "Another point, you older girls are going to be pulled by both sides.  Do we have an idea of which ones might go to the other side?  Or how we can restrain them so they can't hurt themselves or others?"

"Um, no.  I don't think Faith will."

"I don't think she will either," John agreed calmly.  "But some of the older slayers?"

"I don't know," she admitted.  "Half of them only know that there's a problem among the Powers, not what.  We didn't want to worry them."

"I'd rather have the older girls worried and assure them that the younger ones are going to be guarded so they don't have to worry about that either.  We need to know their best skills.  Where we can absolutely count on them no matter which side they're on."

She nodded.  "Okay.  Plus what needs to happen in case of a major apocalypse."  She walked.  "This is a kitchen talk."  She jogged down the stairs.  "KITCHEN TALK!" she yelled and slayers piled out and down to the kitchen.  Andrew was already working on snacks.  "Xander had a moment of foreseeing issues," she announced.  "Bad ones.  Someone call Faith who has a lot of minutes?"  Andrew put it on the house phone, on speaker.  "Thanks."

"What?" she complained.  "It's damn early, guys."

"Xander had a moment of seeing the reasonable and unseen," John told her.

"Aw, shit," Faith said dryly.  "What now?"

"If they're fighting here," John started.

"We're having a major apocalypse that'll leave very few living people," Faith finished.  "Okay.  J, you take the minis who're too young.  The not trained, the very tiny, all them including the support staff that can't fight.  Make a fall back."

"That would work," Buffy agreed.  "But we also need to make plans.  John pointed out that we might be pulled too," she told the phone.  "All of us.  We each have something that they can use as a lever.  I don't want it to go slayer on slayer, Faith."

"Me either," she agreed.  "But if there's an apocalypse, petty shit gets tossed aside due to the duty.  That's how we trained them, B."

"Maybe," she agreed.  "But we're still human, Faith."

Faith snorted.  "B, I have less levers than any one of you.  I have no family they can use.  No hidden secrets.  No desire to be more powerful as a slayer, nothing that they can use really.  I'll be there for the apocalypse."

"Thanks.  Ladies?" she asked the others.

"Even if we're fighting, we're still slayers," Kennedy agreed.  "What about Willow?"

"She's a heavy pawn," John told her.  "I'm sorry to say it but the old Powers saw her getting that powerful."

"She had a bunch of power raises suddenly," Giles sighed.  "She's in a safe location, girls and John."

"If they fight down here, is there a safe place?" one of the other slayers asked, shifting on her bar stool so she could get something to nibble.  "We're talking the people with the power to change reality, Buffy.  There's six billion people for the hundred of us that're trained fully to protect.  Can we handle that sort of situation?"

"You have backup," John reminded them.  They stared at him.  "Hunters.  Military.  The guys in Homeland.  Others who will jump in.  Like they did at the invasion from what I saw."

"Daniel and Jack," Buffy said, looking at them.

"I can find them," Andrew promised with a smile.

"Ask X, Johnny's part of their people," Faith said.  "Tony would know too and he was at the invasion.  Actually, X said that they got moved to handle the military program's issues as NCIS because of the marriage and stuff."  She yawned, then moaned like she was stretching.  "We need a conference, Tweedy.  Us, them, Riley's boys. All those of us involved."

"I can work on some of that," John offered.

"We can work on getting everyone to one location but I'd suggest pie," Faith said dryly.  "For some reason that Jack guy seems like a pie guy to me."  She hung up.

"Okay, I can arrange that too," John decided.  "I need numbers?"

"Arrange an area, I'll call Tony and Riley," Buffy told him.  "You get Xander, the other hunters, Tony will get Jack's people."  He nodded.  She looked at the other girls.  "We need to start making concrete plans of who goes where if we have an apocalypse down here."

John coughed.  "Xander said something when he was out here about demons being nervous about this?"

Buffy nodded.  "I've heard that too.  This is the Powers versus the old Powers.  We're all stuck in the center.  Us, guys like Connor.  Any chosen one.  They're very nervous."

"Probably about the same thing that Xander saw," Rona pointed out.  "Common sense.  Two greatly powered sets of beings fighting on a closed realm like earth, and we're all screwed."

"I think Xander saw that and was going to talk to someone about that," John admitted, rubbing his head.

Buffy looked at him.  "You can't get visions," she sighed.  "If you do, the demons think the Powers can use them against you, John."  She pulled her hair back then let it go.  "Okay, Vi, Rona, Giles, make plans based on where in the world the Powers have spots that they can get to easily.  Easy access portals, their portals, whatever."  They nodded.  "The rest of you, figure out what they can use against you so you can make some decisions now, but know that you're slayers and slayers are a sisterhood.  We may not always get along.  Dawn and I are a perfect example of that, but we're family."  They nodded.  "Help where you can, get more girls trained if possible.  The truly minis, work on self-defense, getting away, and hiding stuff."  They nodded.

"I'll start weapons with them," John agreed.  "Let me call some people."  He walked off, pulling out his new cellphone.  He had copied Dean's numbers and a few people weren't going to be happy to hear form him.  "Bobby, yes, it's me," he sighed at the complaining and spluttering.  "Slayers."  He smirked.  "No, worse than that.  You know it had to be bad if they brought me back to life," he said dryly.  He smirked.  "Worse than LA."  He sat down.  "No, worse.  The higher ups are going at it in a way that even hell doesn't like and heaven hates it.  That's why I got brought back by priests, Bobby."  He nodded.

"Exactly.  No, we need to meet.  Us, slayers, the guys who helped in LA, all that.  I got asked to make sure it had good pie.  That would include you at the very least so the hunters are represented.  No, I got given a calling, Bobby.  Because some of the slayers are really young girls," he said firmly.  "One's six."  He waited through the swearing.  "I have to help protect the girls.  We need to talk about this because those who can see are seeing hellish apocalypses, Bobby.  Even demons are scared.  True ones and the ones like in LA.  Please.  Pie, yup.  Some military folk, a few in Homeland.  Yes, them," he sighed.  "Please.  Thank you.  Yeah, I can get Dean there.  He knows most of 'em I think.  Thank you."  He hung up.  "Bobby'll find a place, Buffy.  Give him a day to set a date and time."

"That'll work for me," she agreed.  She called Tony and Riley on a conference call that Andrew dialed for her.  The phone was kinda complicated.  Too many buttons.  "It's me."

"Buffy," Tony said.  "Bad news?"

"Majorly.  Xander had a moment of seeing common sense.  Even Heaven's worried about the Power versus Power battle."

"Hold on, Power versus Power?" Riley asked.

"Yeah, as in the old Powers That Be fled when their plans to create a new balance by taking most of us girls out after having Xander and his spouses changed to vamps failed.  Now there's new Powers That Be but the old ones want their jobs back."

Tony hummed, thinking at Xander, who ran down what had happened.  "So we're looking at the super apocalypse that even disasters movies can't do realistically," he said.

"Yup, looks like it.  We're holding a strategy conference with some of the hunters and things.  One of John's friends is setting up a meeting place that has pie."

"Pie's always nice," Tony said.  "I told John, he's passing it onto O'Neill and Daniel."

"Who are you?" Riley asked calmly.

"NCIS Agent DiNozzo," he said dryly.

"His whole family are hunters and their aunts decided to marry him to Xander and a military guy named John," Buffy told him.  "Long story, I emailed it to you guys to share the news that Xander's not dating evil girls anymore."

"No, I'm not evil or a girl," Tony said dryly.  "John either."

"So, Xander's gay?" Riley asked.  He sounded a bit amused.

"Not the point," John called.  "We're setting up a place and time for a meeting within a short while.  We need those who need to know so they can spread it around to be there."

"Who are you?" Riley demanded, starting to lose his patience.

"That's Dean and Sam's dad.  The priests that have always watched out for the slayers had to bring him back to help protect the girls.  He'll be protecting the little slayers, Riley.  I trust John.  He did this for many years on his own while raising Dean and Sam."

"We trust him because of that?"

John looked at the phone.  "Little boy, I know *exactly* what you did.  When I got sent back from the afterlife, I got a full debriefing."

"Ohkay then," Riley decided.  "How soon will we have a meeting time and place?  And why would O'Neill need to know, DiNozzo?"

"Because they were the fence in Sunnydale and helped in LA," Buffy told him.

"Oh.  I did not know that.  Is that the same O'Neill who works on the super classified project that people get scary about ?"

"Yup," Tony agreed.  "The other of us three is in that project."

"Oh, damn.  I'm so sorry.  You hear so many rumors, but it sounds like something that Xander should fit right into if they needed grunts."

"Xander gets along very well with most of the science corps.  Especially during the Sunnydale clean out when he had to work with multiple physicists."

"Enough snarking," Buffy ordered.  "We can talk about this in person."

John's phone beeped.  "Mae's Diner, Anatolia, Oklahoma,  noon in two days," he ordered.  "We have a back room ready.  They are hunters there, boys."

"That's fine," Tony agreed.  "Should I tell the family?"

"Yup, we need the other hunters to know.  I don't know many of them.  Only met the one."

"Okay.  I can do that too.  Buffy, are we talking to the witchly support and please tell me Willow is staying in England."

"She is and I hadn't asked but I can ask our coven."

"Please do," John agreed.  "They'll need to help too I'm sure."  She nodded, making that note.  "Any problems?"

"Nope," Tony said.  "Thanks, guys."  He hung up.

Buffy smiled at the phone.  "I'll see you then, Riley."

"Of course you will.  I'm sure this one will be a bad one since Xander's involved."  He hung up.

Buffy grimaced.  "I don't like that thought."

"Then prove him wrong," John said bluntly.  "Because now and then you have the same feeling about the boy."

"Yeah, I guess I do."  She walked off to think.

John settled in to make plans on what he could do easiest and what he needed to set up before any real plans could happen.

***

Tony hung up.  "Boss, belay packing.  We have to head to Anatolia, Oklahoma."

"Why?"

"Meeting between the hunters and others who will be handling the apocalypse if the Powers fight down here," he said quietly.  "I'm told they have pie."

"That might be helpful.  When?"

"Two days at noon."

"We can finish packing this stuff," he decided.  "McGee, figure out how we need to get there."  McGee nodded, turning on his laptop to do that while the others packed their desks and the gear around them.  It was all going to Colorado with them.  The next team in their row would get all new gear.  Abby's lab too.

***

Tony and Gibbs walked into the meeting, him smiling.  "Aunt Thelise."

"Tony."  She patted his cheek with a smile.  "And who's this hovering protectively behind you?"

"This is Gibbs."  He went to where he could hear talking, walking in and sitting beside John and Gibbs got his other side.  He looked at him.  Then around.  "Xander?"

"I'm staying out of swatting range," he said bluntly.  "I have enough of a headache without it."

Sam Carter turned to look at him.  "What did you do?" she mouthed.  He shrugged.  "Ah."  She glared at John, who scowled back.  "What did you do?"

"Nothing yet."  He glared at Xander.

"Not my fault the thing tripped me."

"Backup?" he suggested.

"You're busy," he said bluntly.  John slumped at that.  "So don't nag."  He stared down Buffy too.  "What?"

"Plenty of hunters hunt alone," John told her firmly.  "Some by choice and some by necessity."  She clamped her mouth shut at that.  "You going to the demon bar?"

"They respect me more than some people do," Xander shot back.  "As proven by the emails I got this morning," he said, glaring at Buffy again.

"Kids," Jack ordered.   John nodded at the new guys coming in.  "We all here, Winchester?"

"Yes," he said, looking at Bobby, who nodded.

"Our family's strangely outside," Tony admitted.  "Aunt Thelise?"  She came in and sat down.  "Thanks."  He leaned forward.  "Okay, what's the huge bad?"

"Two things," Xander said, standing up.  "Which I had from one of those suddenly awake  moments.  By the way, talked the guy that agreed to sending the priests," he told them, getting a few nods from those who knew.  "And one of his people who wasn't happy.  The first is that there is no known way for them to decide to take the fight elsewhere.  Away from humans and demons.  I've talked to two possessed people recently that had higher demons in them.  They're damn worried too."  He looked around.  "When two higher beings fight, just two, we have chronicles from a demon society that used to live in Africa that state half the Sahara used to be really pretty."  Jack moaned.  "Before any of the stuff you guys are concerned about, Jack."

Buffy looked at him.  "How did you find those?"

"I asked."  He stared at her.  "There's a huge demon library from their chroniclers in Pasadena.  Found that out on my roadtrip."  He smiled.  "They have books going back that far and farther, back all the way to the Ancient Courts."  She shuddered.  "So we're screwed because that was two higher beings.  We have at least four and whoever they can pull up.  Second problem, they can pull people to their sides and we can only fight it so long."  Everyone stared at him.  "The old Powers are as likely to pull as the new ones will try to guard.  That's Winchester's job, but anyone who knows a seer?  We're fucked.  We're the front lines of being fucked this time.  Because they'll set us all off on purpose so we can't help either side."

"They hate you?" Buffy guessed.

He stared at her.  "Considering they left because I was going to release the rest of the hellmouth taint I carry onto them for doing all this," he said with a wave at Tony and John, "so we'd be turned and take out their extra champions?  Yeah, and it's not just me.  Me, Sam Winchester, six seers at the Council, three on Jack's project, another one on John's.  Two in the regular military that we know of, and I don't know how many of them that're just latent who're going to be screaming in pain soon.  I can fight mine.  Most of the others can't because of the way they were gifted.  Cordy couldn't fight hers and we're not sure if they'll still do that then, which means Whistler's got a disadvantage and he's used to the old playbook so I'm guessing you girls are going to be more active than not.  Beyond them stepping foot on this plane starting off portal after portal and calling up every higher being they can."

Dean sat up.  "One of the hellborn possessing someone came up to us at the bar last night.  They are scared."  The other hunters stared at him.  "They're scared enough that one admitted some are locking all the ways of getting to hell.  I asked and he said if it's that bad, even the banished ones won't be able to make it back in.  Souls either."

"I got a cocky response from the one angel I got while trying to summon the one we had talked to, which was because I didn't know his name," Xander admitted.

"That's bold," Bobby said grimly.

"The one we talked to agreed, after I got to hear attitude from a middle manager, that yeah, we're going to have multiple apocalypses.  Bad ones.  Super ones like LA, maybe a few the level of the First depending on who they pull up.  Which they've already started," he said, looking away from Buffy toward John.  "You guys got a shield, right?  And it works?  Even for heavy defense?"

"Maybe for heavy defense.  We need more power for it."

"Yeah, you do.  Today.  I talked with Rodney last night and warned him when I got the screaming demon who came to find me because someone woke up something the approximate strength of Gozer yesterday.  She's a water demon so you guys will at the very least get waves when she finishes coming up."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Buffy shouted, standing up.

He stared at her.  "I did, Buffy.  Would you like me to pull up the email response where you told me Giles said she wasn't real but her minions are going around living in the city's fountains?"  She sat back down again.  "I can probably handle her with some artillery.  She'll go back to sleep if we drain her enough by drying her out.  Rodney and I agreed late last night on how the city could help.  So we have that one.  New York has three sleeping.  Denver has one sleeping.  LA has *nine* that were gathered to there by their minions.  Hawaii has *two*.  Japan has three or five, depending on which person you ask."  She moaned, rubbing her head   "England's was destroyed by Ethan a few years back when Janus foresaw the problem.  So was Europe's.  We have to set some priorities and where we're each hitting."

"How likely are the other Old Ones being woken?" John asked.  "Why ours first?"

"She's the stepsister of one of the old Oracles.  A seer that they can rely on totally.  She also controls water in the areas around her.  So they can move her somewhere where we're fighting, screw up all water, probably including that in our bodies, and they get us that way.  As for the others, I've gotten copies of the books we need."  He pulled them out of his bag and walked them to Bobby.  He pointed.  "That is Doctor Daniel Jackson.  He is a *major* PhD brain in research stuff," he said, looking at him.

"I can work with him," he promised.

"Thank you."  He walked back there.  "I know you kick ass in the field, Danny, but we need yours and Sam's brain.  And Rodney's because we need to figure out one very big problem.  The slayer scythe, the colt, none of the 'kill any demons' weapons we have access to will work."  They all groaned.  "Some you can dismember.  Some you can blow up to dismember.  Some, like the one in San Fran, you have to puncture her enough to make her dry out once she's out of the Bay."  He shrugged.  "I'm still learning but I'll do what I can between visions, guys.  I need to know what I'm doing though."

"Your artillery collection?" Sam asked him.

"Of course it's yours if you need it, Sam.  Let me use it first?"

"Agreed.   We have some knowledge of bigger weapons."  She looked at Jack, who shrugged.  "Including energy weapons."

"What's in Denver?" Daniel asked.  "I have the feeling we're the odd one out for a reason."

Xander smiled and nodded.  "You guys' Ancient One?  Yeah.  Remember those stories of the Dwarf King?"  Daniel and Jack both nodded slowly.  "Including the ones that were recorded by the people your project work on?"  Jack gave him a horrified look.  "He's somewhere under the outskirts of Denver.  We have no idea if he's awake.  If so he's been cautiously finding things out so far.  If not, well...."  He shrugged.  "I'd make friends.  I haven't found any reference on his weaknesses."

"He helped when they first appeared," Daniel told Jack quietly.  "He might not go after us."

"What's his position in this line up of power?" John asked.

"No clue.  Not related to any that I could find.  Dumped by the one in San Fran once.  That's all I've been able to find and stories glorifying him and his powers.  He seems reasonable but I have no idea."  He patted Jack on the back.  "I'm letting you guys handle that one exclusively because it'll impact you and he was a former warrior king."

"Thanks, kid.  So he may be friendly?"

"He may be.  From what I've seen, which is sitting in Daniel's inbox, it's entirely possible he's on the humans' side.  I don't know."

"Okay, I'll look at that later," Daniel agreed.  "The ones in LA?"

Xander pointed at the books.  "Prayers, stories, and myths of them in ages past."  He looked at Buffy.  "New York is going to be a bitch.  There's no way we can get to their underground, underwater tombs.  LA has a slightly disassociated Parthenon of temples to them. Only one's had worshipers dancing around them so far.  Also, they're at war with New York's but both pantheons may decide to leave us the hell alone.  I don't know."

"So we need to talk to their people?" John suggested.

"Without threatening," Bobby added.

"I can help with that," Sam Winchester offered quietly.  Everyone stared at him.  "Demons tend to respect seers.  Even if they aren't theirs."

"Seers and those with natural healing gifts," Xander agreed.  "It's gotten a lot more respectful since they found out I have visions.  We're seen something like sacred prostitutes to the Old Ones."  He shrugged.  "We're targets if you're at war with us but if not, we're usually peaceful emissaries."

"So Sammy could talk to both sets, guarded by a few slayers and Dean," John decided.  Dean nodded he liked that plan. "The slayers and Dean could get us information on who they are, what they can do, and their forces possibly."

"How likely are your visions to take out John and Tony?" Gibbs asked Xander.

Xander shrugged.  "There's things I can do to disassociate myself.  I'm figuring that out now."

"Which is dangerous and could lead to you getting dead," Tony pointed out grimly, staring his husband down.

"Not without a fight.  I'm not going to lay down and die for this.  If worst comes to worse, I can be turned.  That breaks me from the link."  His aunt gasped in horror.  He stared her down until she looked away.  "I won't let them take out John and Tony, Gibbs.  One of them will have to fill in for me when I'm down with the visions we know are coming as an attack.  If I have to, there's demon drugs that can block visions totally.  I'd have to detox afterward but that's only if we survive as a species."

"Which two fought in the Sahara?" Daniel asked.

"One of the ones in LA and one of the ones in New York."

"Crap," he muttered.

"Basically.  Then your buddies showed up soon after that, within a decade I think.  They saw the weakness of the rebuilding time...."

"Took advantage of it, and the rest is history," Daniel finished.  Xander nodded.  "Okay, so we need some concrete plans on how to deal with things, and for when they step onto this plane?"

"Yup.  The guy I talked with is trying to figure out how to get the other higher beings to suggest that they move it off plane.  He wasn't hopeful."

"I'd give them easy access to a planet that was already dead or had no people," Jack offered.

Xander smiled at him.  "They're arrogant, Jack.  They'd think they wouldn't need transport.  Cordy and Whistler might take you up on that however."

"How mean are the new ones?" Gibbs asked.

"Xander's ex and their former minion?" Buffy asked.

"The old ones had no problem wasting champions and slayers," Xander told him.  "Whistler, one of the new ones, was their balance demon and messenger for a bit to their champions.  He saw their idea of balance being enacted and gave really cryptic hints to those who needed a shove to fall into line with their plans.  Cordelia was one of Buffy's slayerettes for a few years then went to work with Angel in LA.  She knows how slayers work, how champions work, and was their mouthpiece for a while.  She's stubborn as anything.  Her I can almost predict.  Whistler, no clue."

"How likely is it that they'll come after you for this information?" Jack asked him.

"They might try but they never took a good look at me, Jack.  We found that out when they tried to have us turned.  Guess who possessed the aunts?" he said dryly.  "Because they thought we'd need a shove."

"Oh, shit," he muttered.  "We saw how they weren't paying attention."

"Yeah, they thought I was Jesse.  Apparently he was supposed to survive that night and the vamps hit the wrong one.  Praise Janus for that by the way."  Buffy gave him a horrified look.  "He sees both ways, Buffster."  He smirked.  "Ethan said so."

"Is he on our side or his?"

"Whichever gets his ass saved," he said bluntly.  "Same as always.  So probably ours."

"Has anyone talked to Illyria?" Sam asked suddenly.

"Yes.  She's pouting that they're going to be calling her a pussy.  Her words.  She got it from Fred's mind."

"She's a god king," Buffy said.

"And we're dealing with people who would pat Satan on the head and go 'you good puppy," he said dryly.  "Her too."  She slumped.  "That's why we're here, so we can figure out how to fight the apocalypses coming our way and save most everyone."  She stared at him.  "Which is why I reminded John that he's going to hate me because he needs to shield the little ones."

She nodded.  "He does.  Is there any idea of how many apocalypses it might cause?"

"If they step foot on this plane, we'll have one, then the battle, and whatever comes afterward," Dean told her.  "From what the demon last night said.

"They can create smaller ones to weed out the other side's warriors," John added.  "Up the usual problems a bit to take out some of the slayers."

"I don't like being pawns," Bobby said.

"Neither do I," Jack agreed.  "Can't we force them to fight somewhere else?"

"Not that I'm aware of.  If all the other higher powers, those being woken and those already in power, force it, maybe.  I'm not sure how many we can count on to do that."

"Where will they fight if not?"

"Cordelia said the old Powers favored a few places.  She's hoping for somewhere in the middle of nowhere."  Whistler appeared.  "Whistler."

"Thanks, kid."  He looked at them.  "Some of the higher ups are trying to push the fight for elsewhere.  She and I are not fighting against it.  They are.  They had power for a long time."

"You have the slayers behind you," Buffy said.  "You treat us better, don't see us like pawns."

"Thanks, Buffy."  He smiled at her then at Xander.  "Don't you even think about starting on Stragia."

Xander shrugged.  "It'd stop the visions, wouldn't it?"

"It can pass over."

"I have shields."

"That can still pass over, kid."  He looked at John and Tony.  Then back at him.  "With you being a wildcard, like usual, your trio may end up being very important.  Even Janus said so.  By the way, Buffy, she'll be going to Janus soon."  She slumped again.  He stared at the boy again, getting stared back at.  "Good plan for San Fran and her.  Cordy talked to her and she's upset."

"If I can be blipped back, I can deal with it tonight."

"We can do that," Aunt Thelise assured him.

"We can, save your strength," Jack ordered.  "Dog?"  Xander pointed at where she was napping.  "That's good at least."

Xander nodded, then looked at Whistler again.  "I won't let it fall if possible," he said quietly.

"I know, kid.  We'll do our parts.  You guys protect the normals.  If they pick LA and we can't change it, that prophecy about the west coast falling off?  Learn to swim all the way to Denver, people."  He disappeared.

"Stragia?" John asked.

"Demon heroin," Buffy interpreted.  "Spike told me about it once.  Stops visions cold and vampires are the only ones that don't get hooked, including humans."  She glared at Xander.

"I could go for regular heroin but the demon version is a bit less hard on the body," he said dryly.  "It was a last resort anyway, Buffy."

"Fine."  She looked at the others.  "Okay, so we have who will go talk to them.  We have to figure out who can respond where and what we can do."

"It looks like most of the dangers are here and Japan?" Jack asked Xander.  Who nodded.  "You could sit."

"I'm bouncy today and I'm avoiding the swatting, still."  He paced while he thought.  "The Japanese have two slayers, right, Buffy?"

"Two native ones."

"Send them and a few of the priests that the Order worked with over there."

"I can do that.  Any in Africa?"

"Two," he sighed.  "I talked to priests of both of them a few years back.  I didn't understand why one was happy that I had shown up.  The other was a bit sour and unhappy that the Sleeping One would wake some day."  He looked at her.  "I've gotten a message to the slayers in those areas to talk to them about this.  That's why I gave them magic phones."

"That's not a bad idea," she agreed.  "It has text?"

"Yup.  In Swahili."

"Can it translate from English?" she asked.

"If not, we can," John told her.  "There's online translators or you can ask Xander."  Xander nodded at that.  "I don't like begging them to stay out of it.  It seems wrong."

"We're not really begging, just requesting," Daniel told him.  "Please let them handle their own thing instead of jumping in to make it a reason you have to recreate the world so you have worshipers.  They tend to get pissed at the other powers for taking out their worshipers."

"Which we don't want," Bobby reminded him.

"I know, but asking them to intervene to push the battles somewhere else would be helpful," Daniel said.

"True.  If they'd all push I'd be happier."

"My main worry is if they want something in return," John said.  "Most higher things seem to want something."

"Hell, I'll put up an altar," Bobby said dryly.  "Anything to keep this from destroying us all."

Xander nodded.  "Me too.  It can go next to the forge."  Tony gave him a dirty look.  "It can."

"Why can't it go with your normal one?"

"They'll get pissed."  He sat down next to his dog, petting her gently.

Jack looked at the maps, marking where there were known problem targets.  "None in South or Central America, kid?"

"Not that I've heard."

"We'll leave that as a possibly then," he decided.   "All right, if it's in Denver, we have the base and DiNozzo," he said.

"You'll have us," John reminded him.  "We're also closer for LA."

"We can use the ship to get there," Jack said, looking at him.  "Get McKay to work on plausible things?"

"Hey, if he pulls out a death ray, I'll clap," John said dryly, cracking Jack up.  "Or you, Sam."

"I've only gotten to a freeze ray," she admitted dryly.

"Andrew can do those," Buffy said with a shrug.  "I'll see if he's tinkering again.  Since they built the Buffy bot he might be able to."

"Yes, she means a good, responsive in real time, can't always tell the difference robot," Xander said at the looks Buffy got.

"I'll see if they can build you one, Xander.  That way you have backup."  Sam Carter growled softly at that.  Buffy gave her an odd look.  "He gets hurt!  That's why they complained at him!"

"We all get hurt sometime," Xander said bluntly.  "I'm really good at stitches because of it.  If they do build one of me, make sure they want to play with the dog too.  Or maybe succuba since we've had a lot in town recently."  Buffy gave him a horrified look.  "What?"

"Aren't you *married*?  That means no more playing with succuba, Xander."

"I wasn't playing with them that way, Buffy.  I banished a few and baited a few others away from the normals.  Then got them to leave too.  The most one got was a kiss on the cheek because I remember when she was stripping where I was working during that road trip."  She gagged.  "Not like I'm going to play around on them."

"TMI," she said firmly.

"You brought it up," Daniel pointed out with a smile.  "I saw Xander bait one the day we got back.  John was very amused."

"That's because they hate me," John told him.  "Tony too."

Xander shrugged.  "Hellmouth baby stuff.  Back to the point.  Am I traveling or handling local and anything in LA?"

"That sounds good to me," Jack agreed.  "Until they take you out with the visions."  He looked at the kid petting his dog.  "She okay?"

"She's fine.  Tired.  She didn't like the trip here so I had to give her half a sleeping pill."

Jack nodded at that.  "I know a lot of dogs get that when they travel.  Plane?"

"Yup."  He leaned back, looking at his dog then at his husbands.  "I'll head back tonight to deal with the San Fran thing if she's not going to be peaceful."

John nodded.  "Thanks."  He looked at Jack.  "You want us on call for Denver and you guys or all of them?"

"I'd rather have you guys ready to handle anything on that coast or Denver with us.  If something happens somewhere else, you'll be called and given about ten minutes' warning."

John nodded.  "I can spread that around."

"Is there any way to stop this?" John Winchester asked.  "Anything?"

"Me going back and stopping their plans that got me married off?" Xander suggested.  "Which then pissed me off and nearly got them blown up."

"Thought you didn't mind being married," Buffy said with a smirk.

"I don't, but it was a plan to get us to go evil to take you girls out."

"Oh.  Is that why you date evil girls?"

"No.  That's why they had a plan at one point in time to date you though."  She gave him a horrified look.  He smirked.  "Good thing they thought I was Jesse, huh?"

"No.  Eww.  We'd never stand each other.  You do...things and stuff."

"Yeah, well, Anya liked it.  That's why you heard about it so often from her."

"Kids," Bobby warned.  "Plenty of us don't want to know."

John looked at Xander.  "How did you make your point clear?"

"I corralled all the hellmouth taint and energy I'm still carrying and was about to release it in their faces on the astral realm for forcing them into it to further a plot to take out the slayers."

John Winchester stared at him.  "Excuse me?"

"I went up to stop him," John Sheppard said with a sigh, slumping some in his chair to stretch out his legs.  "Then we realized why the plot was going on.  That was a later revelation.   At that time, I had channeled some of his energy away and was going to use it on them too.  Because I refuse to be a pawn."

"Bad enough it got you visions," Sam Carter agreed quietly.

"He had those before Sunnydale and the aunts," Jack reminded her.  He looked at him.  "How?"

"When we first taught them to dream walk, they ended up falling into each other," their aunt said.

"He fell into me," John said.

"That's how we knew you two were meant to be.  Most people don't fall through the other one."  She smirked.  "Especially since you two have been able to share more since that day."

"I fell through other people up there," Xander pointed out.  "Hell, I nearly fell through Daniel once when John brought him and I was hyena'd out but John caught me before I fell."  She gave him an odd look.  "I suck up energy like the hellmouth, could that have something to do with that problem?"

"Welllllll, spirits are technically energy on a dream walk," she admitted.

"So Xander's funky powers ride again?" Buffy asked.

"That's one way of putting it, but not a kind one," the aunt said, glaring at her.

"He knows I don't mean it that way."  She got back to the map.  "We're here so we're natural to handle New York when it explodes.  Can we get down to them at all?" she asked Xander.

"If we had a sub that can go to the bottom crack in the harbor, go down it, interface with their opening, maybe."

She grimaced.  "I don't know anything about subs.  Jack, is that possible?"

He shrugged.  "I do planes.  I can ask."  She beamed at that.  "You can send the girls to Japan tonight?"

"Yup, sure can.  Two are already over there."  He nodded, making note of that.  "Should Sam or should I go to LA, Xander?  Half of them there know me."

"That's the lower demons, Buffy," Sam Winchester pointed out.  "Sending a warrior isn't always considered a peaceful negotiation."

"Okay, I'll let you handle that with Deany then.  Pick which girls you want to go with you as a guard?"

"We'll take Rona," Dean told her.  "That's two guards, she's well trained, and she knows urban combat better than most of the girls."  She nodded at that, making herself notes.

"She'll put up with Dean's music too," Sam said dryly.  His brother hit him on the arm.  "Ow, jerk."

"Shut up, bitch, the music is fine.  You listen to crap rock."  Everyone stared at them.  "He does!"

The dog barked, coming over with a groan while stretching, to get petted by them.

"Hey, Muffin," Sam cooed, petting her.  She lapped his nose and hopped up to lick at Dean but be a huge lap dog for the moment.  "Sure, you can be my lap warmer."  He shifted, making her shift but she was comfortable enough.  He looked over but Xander was gone.  "John?"  He pointed at the corner when John looked at him.

John thought at his husband, grimacing.  "He swears he's in the bathroom but it sounds suspiciously like his car."  He got up and went to check.  He came back.  "No, he left to do something.  He won't tell us what."  He sat down again.  Tony thought at him but got nothing.  "He's got full shields up."

"Maybe that angel wanted a talk," Dean offered.  "Who knows with Xander."

"Xander's known for doing the oddest things that somehow work out," Buffy agreed.  "Zombies come to mind," she sighed.  She went back to the plans.

"You know those zombies were building a bomb?" John Sheppard asked her quietly.  She looked at him, shaking her head.  He nodded.  "He got it stopped too."

"But we sent him away...." she said calmly.

"Yeah, which meant he was open for O'Toole to plant the bomb," John said dryly.  "And for Xander to stop him."

She shuddered.  "I'll thank him for that."  He smiled.  "He still did wrong things."

"He thought strategically instead of as a friend," John countered.  "It's always different when it's personal to you."  Which set off an alarm in his head and he snapped something at Xander, who sighed and said he wasn't going to do anything stupid.  He groaned, holding his head.

Tony patted him on the back.  "With the way things happened, Xander's looking for a way to stop it.  Or himself that night."

"I don't like the old Powers being around anyway," Buffy said firmly.  "Stop him from being an idiot."

"I can't.  He's going to see if there's a way.  Something about Anya and D'Talen?"  She shrugged, not understanding.  "I don't know, he's fuzzy so he's in the middle of magical interference."

"There's a very strong coven around here somewhere," Bobby admitted.  "That's why I picked here.  That and decent food."  He looked at the map.  "I can suggest hunters hit certain areas.  Are there any skills we absolutely need somewhere?"

"Is the one in Denver why we have almost no demons there?" Daniel asked.

"Could be," Buffy admitted.  "LA is a mecca.  Mostly peaceful but it had Wolfram and Hart there drawing things in."  She put purple pins in some areas.  "Those are major demon living areas or immigration centers."  She looked around.  "This one here," she said, pointing at the one in the midwest.  "Has almost no one near it."

"Not true, me and about ten other hunters live within twenty minutes of there," Bobby told her.  "We don't see many of the strange ones though."

"They, like Xander, have a 'you don't see me' thing going on," John Winchester told him.  "Unless you know about them you don't realize they're not normal."

"Why does Xander have that?" Buffy asked him.

"Drunk parents and people who always discounted him."

"So he nearly went invisible boy like our invisible girl out there?" she asked.

He considered it.  "I only heard about that from Rupert but it's possible he was halfway there.  Then again, the boy knows his own strength and she probably didn't at the time."

"Heard about that and at one point in time, nearly," John Sheppard told her.  She nodded at that.  "Then he realized he could do things on his own, he was making a difference, and even if you didn't see him, it was about at the level of 'who gives a damn' most of the time.  Which is why he had that rep for doing the most insane shit that worked."

Tony nodded.  "I remember hearing about some of those.  He had a nightmare the other night about a kamikaze run on the Initiative's base too.  Blowing up the cells to release the ones that could get free so they could fight them themselves.  Letting their own faults take them down basically,"

"Xander wasn't really happy then," John sighed.  "His letters were downright depressing."

"Spike," Buffy said.

John looked at her.  "I heard.  Everything."  She flinched.  He glared at Riley, who backed down.

"You two were friends before the aunts started," Tony agreed.  "I thought he was overreacting until you guys, Riley."

"It was not my idea.  Remember, I helped end them."

Tony nodded.  "Thankfully."  He stared him down.  Riley looked away first.

"We all hurt each other," Buffy told him.

"Yup, and you still do it to this day.  You guys can get to each other faster than anyone else," John agreed.  "That's why we like him making other friends.  Like Sam. And Sam and Dean."

She nodded.  "He needs more friends anyway.  Everyone should have friends."

"I get seen like a favorite uncle with Cam for some reason," Daniel said with a small shrug.  "I like the boy.  He's a nice guy, good head on his shoulders most of the time.  Does things that I understand."

Sam looked at the dog then at Dean, who stared back.  Dean grimaced and got up, heading out.  "He'll be back in a bit."  He went back to petting the dog.  Dean wasn't going to put up with Muffin being in the car all the time.  John stared at him.  "We'll do what we can.  After this traveling, where do you want us to hover near?" he asked Jack.

"East coast since you guys can work with the slayers," Jack told him, getting a nod from him and Buffy.  "I don't care how you do it but help the slayers since they're the major pulling force here."

"We all agreed, even if we're at war with each other, duty has to happen," Buffy assured him.  "We're slayers first and then girls, Jack."

"Good.  They might be counting on you girls fighting against each other."

"No.  Slayer on slayer is a bad thing.  Been there, done that, hated myself for weeks afterward.  So did Faith."

"Good.  It's good you've both grown up some and moved on from the past."  She smiled at that.  "How fast can you girls react to a problem?"

"At the speed of witchly moving unless they're exhausted."

"That moving thing, General?" Gibbs asked.

"Is classified but I'll be damned if we have to.  They can complain."

"It's almost like we're forming that committee that the congressmen who sold parts of their souls wanted," Tony realized.  "Without helping them."  He shook his head.

"That's a Xander thought if I ever heard one," Buffy quipped.

Sam Carter nodded.  "Definitely."  She went back to the maps.  "I'll get with McKay tonight, Jack.  Let's see what weapons we may need but have on hand or in planning."

"Thank you.  Have them work on the shield issue too, Sheppard."

"I am.  Rodney's starting to hate the shields with as much tweaking as had to be done recently."

"It's not his fault that one doctor decided to snare you so she could turn you het," Sam Carter said dryly.

"I pointed out you were due in about an hour," John said blandly.  "We all agreed we wanted to see you kick her ass and then zat her, Sam."  He grinned.

"It would've been epic," she agreed.  Jack snickered.  "Any problems from the locals?"

"The local peaceful community see us as a holy city.  They've agreed to stop trying to trek out to visit the holy city until it's more open.  I have good standing in the local peaceful community's council."

"Good," Jack decided.  "Make sure this new one waking up won't destroy that."

"I will once I get home.  They like to send Xander information too."  He looked around.  "Why no one from LA?"

"They're having a problem today," Buffy admitted.  "Connor would be here otherwise.  Gunn was too injured.  Angel got Shan'su'd and disappeared."  She shrugged.  "We have no idea where he is."

"I do," Jack assured her.  "I kept track of all the people who might run into problems that would cause us hell."  She smiled at that.  "I'll make sure he and Connor know.  Especially with as much problems as they could have with so many out there."

She nodded.  "That'll work."  She looked around.  "Pie?  They said we'd have pie."  Aunt Thelise went to get the lunch stuff she had ordered for them.  She grinned at the older woman.  "We like you even though you did steal Xander and make him marry John and Tony."

"Thank you, dear.  You could use some weight on you."

"Yeah, it's been active recently."  She nibbled on a sandwich while they broke apart into planning and research groups.  They'd manage it somehow, like usual.

The End...for now.

Chapter 13: Hellish Hosts Helping Out

Xander goes to some higher beings to get their support to move the probable apocalypses off-realm and we find some new things out as the new Court is formed.

Xander bowed to the demon.    "Thank you for seeing me, Great One."

"You are an amusing enigma to many, boy.  That is why I agreed to hear your pitiful request."

He handed over something.  "It's not much but I'm still learning how to craft."

The demon opened the present.  It was a very pretty sacrificial knife.  "Pretty.  Well balanced.... a bit simple."

"As I said, I'm still learning.  I've only taken up crafting in the last year."

"Then it is a good job for that level of skill."  She stared at him.  "A gift was not necessary."

"It was a token of appreciation and I'm told you should always bring a gift."

"It does make you seem more polite."  She stared at him.  "Seer, healer in some cases, hunter.  Why come to me?"

"You know of the current situation that's going to kill everyone?"

"How you managed to scare the old Powers That Be so much that they went into final apocalypse mode?  Yes."

Xander grimaced.  "The chosen didn't like their methods and I'll be damned if I was going to fall into line.  Especially since they had no idea who I was.  They thought was more like Dean Winchester."

"Interesting."  She looked him over.  "I have knowledge of that one and you are not like either one really."

"No.  In addition, they thought I was someone who had died years ago.  One who was turned and I ended up staking."

"That is amusing of them and very like them sometimes."  She stared at him.  "I cannot undo your bad decision."

"I'm not asking you to.  I'm asking for two things.  The knowledge to make a weapon to help during the upcoming apocalypses and for your support in having them move the battle off this plane and world.  If they call the chosen, so be it, but the normal people do not deserve to be destroyed for this.  Even other higher powers have shown some worry over that matter because it will take out everyone's power base."

"Interesting."  She considered it.  "You are right, the fight will end humanity in all it's mess and fury."  She stared at him.  "How far are you willing to go to get this granted?"

Xander shrugged.  "I can only weigh the need against any offer you would make and judge for myself if the price was too high."

"Are you willing to die?"

"In the battles, yes.  I'm not going to leave a bunch of little girls to fight on their own.  Especially not since this is my fault."

"Not fully your fault."

Xander slumped.  "Plenty still blame me.  I blame my own temper.  I nearly pulled my own apocalypse that night."

"A mere ten percent of humanity would've been ended," she assured him.

"For someone who works on the Light, that's unacceptable," he reminded her.

"True."  She stared at him.  "The weapon you already have the knowledge to make."

"I need to know what to make, not just from Colt's journal."

"Ah, that is a problem.  But not the way I was thinking, young one."  He gave her a confused look.   "One who is blessed can again bless other things."

"So someone like Ethan could bless weapons to Janus, but that might get him involved as well."

"Yes, that is the basic way it would be done," she agreed.  He was clearly missing the point.  "You are vowed to one already."

"No I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm vowed to help the slayer line.  I'm vowed in my friendship to Rosenburg.  I'm vowed to my spouses.  I've never taken another serious vow."

"Yet I see it in you.  Why do you have visions?"

"They decided I should," he said dryly.  "From what we know, I had the latent gift that was slightly awakened after Willow nearly killed me by black magic poisoning.  Then the minion of the First Evil finished activating it."

"That is not all to that story," she warned.

"We figured the hellmouth had tainted me heavily because of that gift."

"We think it likes you."

"Clearly since it let me live so long without being able to protect myself and doing stupid things like sleeping outside."  She stared at him.  "It was necessary at that time to protect myself," he said quietly.

"Hmm."  She came down to look at him.  "You read as a scion of Chaos."

"It seems to enjoy me," he admitted.  "But I never swore to it."  He stood still while she walked around him, then powerful fingers grazed his skin.  He didn't let himself flinch.

"You absorb power, young one.  Very easily."

He nodded.  "I've never known why."

"Have you ever said 'I swear' while bleeding?  Even incidentally bleeding?"

"A few times as a child but I took most of them back," he admitted.  "Childish things like 'I swear I'll never try that again'."

"You shared blood with their chosen?"

"Many times.  We were best friends and could count on each other when things went bad.  He bandaged more than a few scrapes of mine, the same as I did his."

"Was one incident a bad one, where you were both injured?"

"Yes," he said, remembering that night.  "One of my father's friends nearly killed us both."  He looked at her.  "I remember us getting away barely and hiding.  We used our hidden stash of bandaids to help each other and got Willow to bring us more."

She nodded.  "What did you tell him?"

He choked up but forced it back down.  "I will do my best to protect you."

"Which you did.  That was not fully him as that vampire."

"Staking him was not my decision.  He was pushed onto my stake."

"He was not your first kill."

"No.  We found an animal, a dog, that had been severely beaten and stabbed a few times.  There was no way it was going to survive and it was in a great deal of pain.  Jesse and I agreed that making it suffer more was cruel and there was no way our parents could help or let us take it to someone.  He got a pillow and we smothered it to put it out of its misery."

"How did you find it?"

"They had thrown it in my backyard because it was the bullies that kept trying to pick on us," he said quietly.  "They taunted us that we'd be next."

"What happened to them?"

"They were in a supposed car crash the next day.  I don't know if it was that or they were outright killed by something.  When I told my parents it was good, they got very upset with me until I told them about the dog.  My father gave me a beer and said it was a man's job to do things like that.  That was about the last time I got approval from him."

"Hmm, something did take them out.  Something protects you."

He shook his head.  "There's no higher being that I swear allegiance to, Great One.  There never was."  She put a hand on his forehead, showing him something.   He stared at her.  "That's not me.  That's Jesse."

She pulled back, giving him an alarmed look.  "You shared much blood with him?"

"That night we both bled on each other.  We bled on each other all the time from scrapes, cuts, and other injuries.  Child things."

She stared at him.  Then showed him something else.  "No, that is him, isn't it."  He nodded.  She stared at him and started a whole new reading.  "That one protected you a few times.  He still hovers because you have not let him go."

"I can't forget him or forgive myself for that."  He lifted his chin slightly.  "I'll regret that long after we're reunited in death."

"Of course you will."  She sighed, staring at him.  "You are either the most lucky person or the most arrogant one ever."

"It's dumb luck," he said dryly, making her smirk at him.  He shrugged slightly.  "I wasn't about to let them do it on their own when I could help.  There's no reason to have only one little girl do it on her own."

"She's got gifts."

"Yes, and I heard that I didn't for *years* on end.  It never mattered then.  Or else I would've walked away and let them die."

"Good point," she admitted.  She laid another hand on his head, pushing aside the ghost that was trying to protect him with a warning at him.  He flinched back.  So did the boy.  "He does try to protect you."

"He probably thinks I'm being dumb."

"Probably.  He might also be correct."  She read him again then sighed.   "The theory of blessing is still yours."  She looked at him.  "Every side has power, even those that aren't in this fight.  Most of the higher beings can only be taken down by one of the Highers or their high priests."

"Which I don't have time to become," he begged.  "I have to go back to fight with the one that's going to destroy Atlantis tonight."

She gave him an odd look.  "It's back?"

He nodded.  "Just this year.  One of my husbands is it's military head."

She frowned and read deeper into his mind, seeing those links.  She eased the one to the ghost since it was wide open.  The ghost raged but oh well.  His mates might be having headaches but she needed to know.  She pulled back to look at him.  "You really are perfectly normal, but very dark."

"Hunting does it to one," he said quietly.  "Is there something I can make or do to help?"

"Two things.  Find faith," she said bluntly.  "Janus would enjoy you."

"I refused his siren's call a few times."

"True, you have, and it was wise of you.  He's mad because of that."  Xander shrugged.  She smirked.  "Fine.  There are others."

Xander felt the husbands eavesdropping so he dropped his shields again as firmly as he could before looking at her, noticing her smirk.  "They're echoing.  There's many gods I can admire for being powerful and doing what they thought was necessary but none of them have ever spoken to me as someone I should personally follow.  It would be wrong and profane of me to do that knowing that I couldn't follow them fully."

"True."  She sat down, looking at him.  "There is one that can help."  She floated a book to him.  He caught it to look at it.  "It is the power behind the name."

"My mate knows of him and his works."  He looked at her.  "Including where he comes from."

"Do you know of him from that?"

"I've gotten flashes of that information but I mostly ignore it since I'm not supposed to know."

"Good.  You're leaking to them again."  Xander sighed and took something out of his pocket, pressing it against his wrist.  He hissed but the drug soon stopped all broadcasting.  "That is not a good plan."

"It'll keep them from overwhelming me with visions."  He put the rest of the vial into his pocket again.  "I know very well they will punish me for daring to stand up for myself against their idiotic plan."

"Was it?"

"Yes.  If I'm turned, who said I'd go after the slayers or chosen?"  She gaped.  He stared back.  "I know very well not to mess with a slayer if I'm turned.  At least not until I'm a lot older and more powerful.  For that matter, I'm not sure I can be turned with the taints and exposures I've had."

"The hyena would not stop them, young one."

"Would the mermaid since they can't be turned?"

She gave him the oddest look.  He seemed to get that a lot from higher powers.  "I heard that thought."  He smiled.  "I did not sense it."  He took off something and then took off a chain around his ankle, then another around his opposite wrist.  It showed some tattooed small marks.  He pulled out his knife to slice into two of them.  She gasped.  "I went to someone to help me hide them from the group before Buffy got more urge to slay me," he said dryly.

She stared at him.  "That is interesting."  She came down to look him over.  "That trip you took changed you."

"The road trip or Africa?"

"Both."  She compared the new reading to the old one.  Before she had ignored the small taints as him having slayed something.  Now she could sense the mermaid and a few other demons' taint on her powers.  "You must ask the one that spit on you to stay out of it.  He will listen to you."

"I will."

She looked at him.  "Put those back on.  No one was supposed to have those."  Xander did that and smoothed over the lines so they could be reconnected by the scab.  She stared at him.  "Yes, there is a way for you to bless things.  There is a long held open spot among the various pantheons.  One of the protector."  Xander nodded.  "There are six that have been created."  She gave him a different book but let him keep that first one.  It could help him sometime.  She could see him needing it.  He looked then pointed.  "Yes, many of them look like you, young one."

"Merlin was one of the Ancients," he muttered.

"He was.  He was also batty."  He smiled at that.  "Does he still exist?"

"I don't know.  You'd have to ask Doctor Jackson.  That's his team's job, not my mate's."

"Interesting.  I may visit him.  The Dwarf King owes me a rematch anyway."  She smirked at him.  "There are four weapons left.  Each one forged their own."

He nodded, looking at the book again then back at her.  "I have one already?"  She nodded.  "Do I bless it to anyone in particular?"

"I would personally bless it to one who has the power to back you up."

"So you want me to bless it to a super physicist?" he asked dryly.

"Smartass," she said, giving him a dirty look.

"Sorry, I forgot myself."

"There are no pantheons presently outside of the Great Ones who try very hard to keep humanity going.  You were right in that part."  She stared at him.  "There are still people you can bless it to and it would give them a boost as well.  Also, have your very amusing mate bring a hurting warrior into the cadre of familyhood.  He needs it to survive this battle.  He has nothing to fight for beyond ideals and those can be broken."

"I'll tell him."

"Good."

"What sort of weapon should I make?"

"What will be most useful to you?"

"If I build artillery I'll get put in jail," he told her.  "Almost no one fights with swords or axes anymore."

"That's a point I hadn't considered."  She stared at him.  "You'll figure it out.  Share that with your spouses as well."  He nodded, bowing to him.  "And I will grant your boon of asking them to argue and pummel each other somewhere else.  Before I lose all my followers.  They really are trying my patience."

"Thank you, Great One."  He bowed.  "Let me know if you anything you need of me in the future."

"I shall."  She sent him to the demon in Africa.  That way he wouldn't have to fly.  It was nice of her.  She went to the meeting, appearing as one of the minor demons they would mostly recognize.  "Slayer," she greeted.

"I know you're not Anya since she's dead," Buffy said firmly, pulling a weapon.

"I cannot appear in my usual form.  It would stun you stupid and blind."  She gave her a  smug look.  "I chose one you would know."

"Who are you?" Jack asked.

"D'Talenra."  She looked at the plucky little thing.  "Never have we seen such a Guardian as that one.  It was very kind of him to ask us for our help in having them go away."  She looked at the former ascended.  "You are the one he spoke of, yes?"

"I don't know," Daniel admitted.  "I'm assuming you're talking about Xander?"

"Yes.  The Knight Protector."  Daniel gasped, staring at her.  "You know, I have not seen one born for many centuries.  Merlin was the most amusing but this one I think may just be up there with him.  Does he exist?  He owes me a poker debt."

"No, unfortunately he faded," he said quietly.

"Pity."  She looked at the husband.  "Did he give you that message?"

"Yes.  And I know which one to pull in."

"Good."  She looked at Tony.  "He has the makings of a good Knight Protector as well.  Interesting."  She looked at Jack, Daniel, and Buffy again.  "I have sent the boy to talk to someone who once tainted him.  Those trips really did do him good."  She smiled.  "I will support his desire to have the Powers fighting elsewhere.  I don't need amused *that* badly and it is a pain to rebuild things."  She looked at Jack.  Then back at Buffy.  "The others will probably agree but do be polite."

"I'm going to ask them," Sam told her.  He had let Dean hold Muffin for now since she was growling.

"A seer," she said, smiling at him.  "A tainted one but not by your hand.  Your mother was a fool to make that deal of hers."  John growled.  "I meant no harm but it was her deal that tainted her sons."  She looked at them.  "Be polite.  Some of them are very grumpy.  Some of them are even worse than a supposed God you just toppled in ego."  She pointed a finger at the table and three books appeared down it.  "Be aware that someone will have to be blessed," she told Buffy.  "And you can't kill the boy for what has happened to him since nothing was supposed to.  He was meant to be a Protector of a Pantheon.  He diverted his destiny to yours, but it did help him to find one that would be a warrior king to protect.  We like that even if he does know it was done for the wrong reasons."  She looked at John and Tony.  Then at Sam Carter.  "If it must be, a new Court must be formed."  She looked at Buffy again.  Then at John Winchester.  "Reformed one, you will have to go off plane to protect them if they fight here.  There is no other way to keep them from being called.   They already nudge them in their dreams."  She looked at Buffy again.  "You and your other half will be there to battle the evil.  You will survive.  I do not know about the other half."

"Angel?"

"No, child.  Not him.  He has earned his rest.  If he chooses to jump in again, he will be like your Knight was when he was but a child."  She nodded at that.  "For now, it will stand.  I will talk to the other Higher Beings.  None of us need this sort of amusement.  Even those of us who were bored."  She disappeared.

"What's a Knight Protector?" John asked Daniel.

"The protector of a Pantheon is the same thing," he said, sighing a bit.  "Like the holy champion of a pantheon.  The one the Gods sent to take on their evils."

"So Merlin fought the evils coming to the Camelot Court by creating things and using them against their enemies," Sam said.  Daniel nodded.  "There's probably others."

"Norse mythology had a few," Bobby said, considering it.  "A few chosen warriors who defended the bridge and the realm."  He looked down at Daniel.  "They weren't really happy folk.  Usually orphans that the court took in."

"Xander's past isn't pretty," Buffy said quietly.  "Is that why him?"

"I think that drive to protect and jump in would've pushed him there," Tony admitted.  "I have the same thing.  That's why I gave up everything I had to become an officer."  She nodded at that.  "Sometimes you find a higher calling than just helping victims."

"So him jumping in suited that urge in him," she said.  John nodded at that.  So did Daniel.  "What else do they do, Daniel?"

"That depends on which one it was.  A few were well trained guards, deciding who got in to see someone.  Some were true defenders.  Some meddled to make sure things went well."

"We've seen him doing all that," she said.  "Anything else, like funky powers?"

"No.  None of the ones I've heard of had special powers.  The one in India had some gifted to him during a few battles but nothing else."

"But the new Court comment bugs me," Sam Carter said.

John Sheppard nodded.  "Yes it does.  Especially since she looked at me during it."  He leaned his elbows on the table.  His aunt grumbled.  He scowled at her and she backed off on her etiquette lesson.  "What would it take to form a new court?  Even one like Camelot's?"

"They were all more advanced," Daniel said.

"And among us, we have a few good knights," Jack said.  "We have McKay and Sam as our Merlins."  Daniel gaped at him.  "We have our own court here.  You were ascended and there's every chance you'll go back.  You're wise, our knowledge source.  I'm like an old king getting ready to pass my title and sword onto a few knights.  Which one was she talking about, Sheppard?"

"Cam Mitchell I think."

"Who's also got specialized fighting skills.  The same as you do and you brought Ronon with you, not to mention Teyla.  Vala's a sneaky little shit sometimes but she's loyal to Cam.  You each have your own protectorate."

"How many of the old Courts go back to his job?" Bobby asked.  "Since I figured out what he was doing a while ago."

"Camelot and two others," Daniel admitted quietly, looking at John.

John smirked.  "So my protectorate, and then the main protectorate.  Which really has an accessory Knight in Tony and Gibbs."

"So you're saying that you're moving like the mythical people?" Buffy asked.  "Higher and higher in power?"

"Most of the beings had higher skills," Daniel corrected.  "What the normals thought of as magic.  Though we seem to have both."

"John definitely has us," Aunt Thelize assured him.  "Rosenburg, Miss Summers?"

"In England sorting out a new slayer house."

"Where we want her to stay for trying to make Xander pregnant," Tony quipped.

John Winchester shuddered.  "She needs to be fixed."

"She's on a tight leash and the Devon Coven will take her out," Buffy assured him.  "They've told me so."

"They said that the last time," John pointed out.  "When I was there to help the kid with the magic poisoning she gave him."

"They got her weeded and straightened out," John reminded him.  "This was a more recent hair up her ass problem from the magic addiction.  I shot her on the astral realm.  She knows the next one will be in her head instead of her knee."

"I still think you showed great restraint," Tony said, patting him on the back.  "If I had known I would've killed her."

"She did what?" Gibbs asked.

"Started a spell to put Xander into heat and prepare his body to make a fake uterus so he could get knocked up.  She decided it'd make him happy," Buffy told him.

"I don't want her back in the states unless it's an emergency," Gibbs told her.  "Before she ends up hurting Tony or getting the rest of my team by accident."

"Technically, she can probably get him from England."

"The girl can be a thorn in legitimate and legal magic user's sides," Aunt Thelize told them.

"I know I advised the people trying to figure out magic via science to take her out of the equation since she was basically a freak of nature with how powerful she was.  Though I do suspect that she's linked to both hellmouths, Buffy."  John gave her a smug look.  "The sensors we have on the Sunnydale one went off recently about four hours before she tried to knock up Xander."

"They said they can't unhook her.  She drew from it wrong.  If she's killed," she said when John Winchester opened his mouth.  "They could both open.  Unless she goes willingly and keeps them closed.  That's why the coven over there won't let her drive anymore, in case of an accident."

"So if she gives it up to sacrifice herself during the battles coming up, it's good," Dean said.

"Yeah."

"We'll be looking for a way," John Winchester told her.  "Because she's gone far beyond what most hunters would accept as good behavior, Buffy."

She sighed.  "I know.  We've got her to see the addiction and how bad it is."

"Every addict backslides sometime," Tony said gently.

"Yeah but killing her for it beforehand is cruel.  It's like shooting a dog because it might become rabid some year."

"True," he agreed.  "But you know that the first time she starts to slide, they'll take her out and some will have itchy fingers."

John Winchester nodded.  "Unless they can firmly contain her, she's a danger to humanity, Buffy."

"I know but she's helping.  She's channeling all that into helping with this.  We can talk about her after this battle series.  We might need her strength."

"We might," John Sheppard decided.  Buffy relaxed at that.  He looked at the hunters.  "She's got the strength of a coven on her own.  We might need her to help close a hellmouth or even contain something magical that they unleash."

"I guess," Dean said.

"We'll be watching though," John told him.

"Of course you guys are.  Your sort of hunter do take out the bad witches," Aunt Thelize agreed.  "A lot more than the ones in the family do.  They tend to stay out of witch related problems if possible."  Sam Winchester smiled at her for that.  "There's a few who wanted to burn the three of us for the marriage and bonding."

Tony looked at her.  "They weren't the only ones."

"I was starting to like that idea myself," Gibbs told her dryly.  She shuddered.  "Especially when DiNozzo suddenly started to pop up visions at some of the worst times."

"It's solved."

"We still get some bleedover," John corrected.  "Some headaches too."

"I'm sorry," Sam Winchester told him.  "Are you okay?"

"I got my first one aimed directly a few weeks back," John admitted.  "Thankfully I was in the middle of paperwork."

"I only get carryover and if some of the vision relates to anything I'm involved in," Tony told him.

"Mostly I do too but we had a threat to the city."

"I'm sorry."  He patted him on the arm.

"Hold on, he has layered visions?" John Winchester asked.

John Sheppard nodded.  "A lot of the times he'd get a really strong vision and then I'd get part that related to me.  I'd see his and mine would sparkle a bit more so I paid more attention to it than to his part."

"That's how it works for me too," Tony agreed.  "Now it's really muted so we only get our parts and a mid-range headache even if we don't get anything."

"I've never heard of that," John said, looking at Aunt Thelize.

"We knew Xander's mind was unique," Buffy said dryly.  "Could that be from the hellmouth taint too?  Or what some demon did to him when he got caught?  Or the mermaid taint?"

"You forgot the possessions," Aunt Thelize said.  "We don't know.  We do know it's a long shot of Xander ever being turned because of the mermaid taint."  John Sheppard relaxed at that.  "If so, he would not be like the normal vampires and any he make would probably be more like him since that's carried in the blood."

"We only found a small contamination," Sam Carter told her.

"Dear, we noticed it earlier.  He's hiding some of it," she said with a smile.

"Yeah, I felt when that went on because I was having to fight some instincts that kept saying he was still fully tainted and possibly looking for Buffy fries," Buffy told her dryly.   "Willow took him to someone who did something to hide it."

"It also hid whatever happened in Africa," Aunt Thelize said, looking at John, who only smirked back.  "You know what happened?"

"Every single minute," he said dryly.  "And no, I'm not sharing."

Tony shrugged.  "I only got some flashes, nothing big, and that was when he was hyenad's out that time thanks to the shaman.  I got it when he bit me."

"In his mental hyena form, letting her forward, it took down his shields fully.  That's how I got it too," John admitted.

"She came out again?" Buffy demanded.  She looked at John Winchester.  "Why don't you guys consider that a bad thing like you do Willow?"

"Because his is a possession and she's doing it on her own," he said bluntly.  "We might've been able to get her out of him."  John and Tony both shook their heads.  "No?"

"He's a medium.  He sucks up very well," John Sheppard said dryly.  "Right, Sam?"

"Nine from the cleanout in Sunnydale," he said.  "John and Tony both had some too."

"Hell, the dog got possessed then," Tony said dryly.

"Teyla too," John admitted.  "She woke me up by staring at me silently."

"I'll try to find a way to block that for you three," Aunt Thelize said.

"Us too," Buffy agreed.  "I'll tell Giles.  Before she tries to get me again."

"You were a female in her pack lands, Buffy," John Winchester told her.  "Pack dynamics would make her either fight you to drive you off or to bring you into the pack as a beta to her."

"So since I beat her is that a good thing?"

"You didn't.  You knocked him out," John Sheppard told her.  "So she's seeing it as a tie.  She still has a pack and lands. You went back to your pack and lands.  The shaman that wanted him in better touch with her was very pleased once they finally got him to revert back."

"If she was so active in his head, why didn't she come out again in Sunnydale?"

"She did.  She helped him track down a lot of things," Tony said with a small shrug.  "She probably realized that those were neutral grounds, between the packs that all packs had to deal with.  All the evil things that might come for her pack members so she had to work with you.  She came out subtly to help him hunt and track.  I asked him after she came out the other night to help him track and that's what he said."

"That is so f-ed up," she told them.  "Why is it that Xander can do those sort of things?"

"The same thing that makes him a potential Knight Protector," Daniel said with a cough.  "All of them were someone who finally got noticed for doing something when no one else would.  They were orphans who were taken in and taught because they showed promise.  With no current Courts down here, his skills were exerting itself to keep him protected until one could find him."

"If we'd had a school for Knights, he would've went there?" Gibbs suggested.

"Exactly.  Mostly to get away and to be known for himself.  They're all-but forgotten in history and mythology but they had very important jobs."

"The head knight of the court would," Jack agreed.  "Sheppard, get Rodney onto the database again."

"I will.  I'll take the dog back too in case he doesn't get back in time tonight."

"Sure," Sam Winchester said, smiling at him.  "She's napping on my feet."

"That's cool.  She does it to me a lot."  He looked down at the dog, making her lift her head.  "Are you liking the Sammy?"  She barked and put her head back down.  He smiled at the younger guy.  "It's cool, Sam.  She always goes after people she thinks need a cuddle.  That's why she likes Teyla so much."

"What is her thing with Ronon?" Jack asked.

"I think she sees him like a huge littermate.  He hunts, he growls, he just needs a nice owner to pet him like she gets.  Until then he's a packmate.  Teyla too because she pets so nicely."

Daniel smiled.  "Did you tell Ronon that theory?"

"I teased him about the pack being together.  He growled.  She barked at me.  He looked at her and growled.  She barked and lapped him to death.  He finally broke and laughed, making her a happy dog.  Oh, she gets along very well with the cat that swum out to us to have her litter."

"We have cats on Atlantis?" Jack asked.

"Yes, sir.  She had kittens in Rodney's lab."

"Why?"

"She swum out one night.  Security pinged something on the pier.  They couldn't find her.  She finally wiggled her way into the heating ducts to eat the swamp rats we had.  Rodney found her during a repair and no one can seem to remember to get her back to the mainland.  So she delivered five kittens.  She spends time in our shrink's office and rooms then in the lab or with Rodney since he used to have cats.  There's a bidding war on who gets bed holding rights for the kittens.  We've kept it from Woolsey because he'll have a fit to end all fits."

"Yes he will," he said dryly.

"General, it's not like we're going to have many battles now.  The guys need something."

"I know.  I don't like the idea of cats getting into ancient technology."

"She meows at the AI for the database.  The AI coos back.  We like her and you'll have a mutiny if you try to have her sent off."

"Fine," he muttered.  "No more and she gets fixed."

"Yes, sir.  There's no other cats that we know of."

"Female cats find a way," Gibbs assured him.  "Even locked in a house."

"I've taken her to the vets for Rodney.  I can make him take her to get her fixed."

"Good!" Jack ordered.  "This week."

"Yes, General.  We'd have to tell Woolsey."

"Get a day pass and go, Sheppard.  Make the appointment before hand."

"Yes, General."

"Thank you."  He shook his head.  "Anything else we should know?"

"I managed to kill a small demon that fed on emotional outbursts.  It was growling in pleasure at Woolsey throwing a fit.  He panicked."

"I'm sure it liked McKay's fits at the science team," Sam Carter said dryly.

"Yes but it liked Radek swearing at him more."

"Ah, that sort," Buffy sighed.  "They're annoying and invisible."

"It was but this one's gone."

"How do you expose them to normal sight?" Sam Carter asked her.

"Paint.  Anything that would make an invisible thing suddenly have an outline."

"They can hang on walls," John said.  "I'd try smoke."

"That's not a bad idea.  Will they hurt anything?"

"No, they hang and feed, and growl at their favorite targets," Buffy said.  "Dawnie nearly had a whole colony that followed her as a teenager."

"I'll try infrared first," Sam Carter decided.  "Thanks for letting us know, you two."  Buffy smiled at her.  Xander appeared.  He wasn't wearing the same clothes.  Now he was wearing light colored animal skin pants and no shirt.  He had daubs of paint on him and his hair was a matted, knotted mess.  He looked up and they all winced at the redness in his eyes.  He blinked and it was gone.

"You good?" John asked.

"Yeah.  The demon lords over there are agreeing to ask them to remove their battle from this plane.  The one that didn't want woken was.  He was not a happy camper and they didn't have caffeine to help him wake up.  We got him to end the plague he sent out too.  The other one showed up to greet him and agreed with my request without me having to ask.  Then he had his followers paint me to remove the effects of him spitting on me that time.  He apologized too.  He hadn't seen I was a seer who might have healing gifts."  He shrugged, sitting down.  "So we're good on that end.  The plague was stopped."

"Any chance you're carrying it, boy?" Bobby asked.

"No.  Why?"

"Plagues bad," Dean reminded him.

"It was a cholera-like thing."

Sam called someone and they beamed him off to check him over.  "Let's make sure of that before the rest of us get sick."

"We weren't close enough, right?" Buffy asked.

"No," Sam Carter assured her.  He got beamed back.  He still had the paint and his eyes were red again.  He blinked a few times and it went away.  "The red eyes?"

"Traveling.  It's activating some sort of funky side vision.  I'm seeing little plasmoids in the beams."

"Describe them," she said.  He took some paper to draw them out.  She looked at him.  "How...."

"No clue."  He handed it over and sat down again.  "Okay, how far have we gotten?"

"Very," John told him.  "You good?"  He stared him down, daring his spouse to lie.

"Good enough."  He put on the chains, then took Daniel's gel pen to remake the broken lines on the tattoos.  They flashed lightly then hid themselves.  He tossed back the pen.  Once he had hitched everything down, the paint disappeared too.  "Why?"

"Will that paint come off?" Tony asked.

"No clue."  He looked at his bare chest, then shrugged.  "No idea."  He smiled at him.  "But this means I can go handle the thing in the Bay tonight.  John, can you watch the dog?"

"You want her that close?"

"In case any of her followers get onto the city, yes."

"Okay," he agreed.  "I can do that.  Muffin, you're going home with me tonight."  She barked, going to sniff the daddy.  She growled but he nuzzled her and she lapped him.  "Need a shower?"

"Probably.  She growls each time you guys beam me anywhere."

"Have we?" Jack asked.

"Once," Daniel admitted.  "During the clean out we had to remove the exploration group from a collapsing tunnel."  He looked at Xander.  "I thought it was the goo on us."

"I don't know why she barked at you but she barked at me until she could make sure it was really me."

"That's good to know," John decided.  "Anything else of note?"

"Eat, you're losing weight again," Aunt Thelize said.  "Xander, he said you had healing gifts?"

"Latent."

"That's interesting.  Can we...."

"Hell no you can't have sperm."

"Fine," she said, backing down at that.  Tony was snickering.  "We should make sure there's future kids."

"I don't want kids," Xander told her.  "They'll be as fucked up as I am because I'll end up exposing them to hunting way too early.  Or I'll make them violent and possibly serial killers because of the hunting.  So no, no Xander kids.  If John and Tony want kids, I'll be a loving uncle."

"Not on my to do list," Tony assured him.

"Mine either at the moment," John assured him.  "Calm down, Xander.  Kids are a long way off and Willow won't do it again."

"He accidentally tripped that and had to remove a lot of magic that she had put on me.  I told them the witch was under new control.  He said it was a good thing before the old Powers added her to their side."  He looked at Buffy.

"She hates them like we do."

"She hates Cordelia.  That's why she captured her to power the spell to knock me up."

"Crap."  She texted the witches and Giles.  "Thanks."

"Welcome."  He got his own sandwich from the table.  "Excuse the lion hides, guys.  At least it's not a loincloth sort of outfit or feathers.  They had an argument in what to dress me."

"Why would they put you in a shaman's outfit?" Daniel asked him.

"Probably because I have gifts that way," Xander said dryly.  "Talking to spirits, seeing spirits, affecting spirits."  Daniel moaned, shaking his head.  "Yeah.  The shaman on my trip realized that and trained me with what they could."

"I know someone you should talk to.  He's worked with native Shaman in Central and South America," Daniel said.

"Cool.  I could use more friends."  He stuffed his mouth.  "So, anything else good come of this?"

"Yeah, we have a working plan," Jack told him.

"Good!"  He looked at John.  Who stared back.  "The brother thing?"

"Cam."

"That's cool.  I like and respect him."  He nibbled some more.  "Any other plans we need before we go kick asses?"

"Finish lunch first," Aunt Thelize said.

"Yes, Auntie."  He got another sandwich.

***

John reappeared on Atlantis with the dog.  "Rodney, call Xander now.   He's dealing with the thing in the bay tonight.  He'll need you to make sure the shields are as high as possible during it since he's got to blow the hell out of it."  He walked upstairs, sliding back into his comm earpiece.  "Team meeting, my office, now," he ordered.

Woolsey came out of his office.  "What's the meaning of this!" he demanded.   "We're not under attack!"

"We will be later tonight.  Chuck, find her on the sensors.  We need to know her relative height and thickness."  He walked into his office and the team leaders ran in a few minutes later.  "Can I see it too, Chuck?"  The picture appeared on the monitor in there.  "She's coming out again tonight."

"What are we doing about it?" one team leader said.  "The last time she popped her head up, we were rocked with the waves until McKay figured out how to use the shield to block waves from hitting us."

"Xander's got to basically pop her once she's out of the water to drain her so she can go dormant.  That means he's got to taunt her out of the water, break her link to it, and then keep hitting her with high powered weapons until she finally pops a hole."

"Will he need his birthday present?" one asked.

"We don't know yet."  He looked at the scan.  "Chuck, relative size?"  The measurements were put up.  "That's six stories," he said.

"Yes it is," Rodney said as he walked in.  "He needs advice on which is the most strong explosions."  He put down his tablet and looked at it.  Then he changed the view.  "This is how she got up last time.  We need more power.  After the flight, we've got to be careful."

"Can we divert from something else?" John asked.

"Probably.  I don't know what."

"I don't care what, Rodney.  We're going to be in deep crap for a while tonight.  We don't need life support now, we can probably do without fans."

"I know.  I'm working on it."  He handed over his earpiece.  "Your spouse."

John switched it out.  "Hey.  What do you have stored?"  He listened to the list as Xander was looking at it.  "I agree, lesser then let her have it once she's out."  He listened to him think it through.  "That'll work.  What about a tether situation?"  He made a note.  "I can have someone doing that, yeah.   You were right, Rodney can get a jumper to do that."  He let him see, getting a nod.  "He said he can do that.  How many do you have?  Sure, after this, I want to see."  Xander quipped and hung up on him.  "Okay, we've got a plan going."  He handed Rodney back his comm piece, not caring he wiped it off before putting it into his pocket.  "Once she's up, he'll be taunting her with smaller explosions while he backs off so she has to follow him."

"Will she, sir?" one Marine asked.

"Xander's an expert at baiting and drawing people out.  He spent years annoying demons."

"One of the jumpers has a shielding function that can be used to block any tether she'll form," Rodney said.

"We can't expose ourselves to the city," Woolsey said.

"Your choice," John told him.  "We can be overrun by her, at which time our shield fails completely as we sink again, or we can help kill this problem before it kills us and the rest of the city."

"The IOA...."

"Can sit and spin," Rodney told him.  "I'm not dying for some demon queen to raise and kill us all."

"You can go talk to the IOA all you want, Woolsey, but right now, we're heading to a major set of apocalypses."

"More are coming?" he demanded.

"Yeah, because the old Powers are pissed.  The new Powers that took over, which O'Neill helped straighten out the plans for, are going to have to defend.  The last time beings of this magnitude showed up to rumble, the Sahara used to be pretty.  And then the Gou'ald showed up because they thought Egypt was weak from the rebuilding."  Woolsey shuddered.  "As of this moment, we are going to be killed so I'm taking control as Military Head of Atlantis.  If the IOA doesn't like it, screw 'em.  Let them talk to O'Neill since he agreed."  He looked at the team leaders again.  "I want everyone evacuated that isn't essential to defending this base," he ordered.  "O'Neill has arranged for us to hide at one of the defunct NIKE sites.  If they aren't going to be useful helping with the shields, can't come up with some weapons in case she bothers us, or a single medical team I want them gone.  He's starting in three hours.  I want them safe within two.  Download everything you can," he told Rodney.  "Appoint whoever you want."

"I'll be here."  He looked around.  "Pack light.  If we sink we have an automatic shielding set up to activate."

"We can do that," the team leaders agreed.  "Piers, sir?"

"Two teams at the most for base defense.  All we'll be doing is making sure she doesn't land on us.  The shield should be able to handle everything else.  If she bats at us, we make her regret it.  Which means I'll need the birthday present."  The marines laughed at that.  "Go."  They left.  "Rodney?"

"It's actually a subprogram we had written after that tsunami."  He left.  "Radek, go configure Jumper 4 to do this," he said, showing him.  "The rest of you, get the hell off the base.  We're going to be dealing with that thing coming up tonight.  You have two hours to get out of here.  Download what you can and be on the next-to-last flight off base."  They rushed off.  Rodney sat down to deal with the shields.  This would take some fine tuning and with everyone off base he could steal power from the rooms.

***

Xander looked at the huge ass demon that was staring at him.  "What?"

"Puny human," she sneered.  "You dare approach me?"

"Not quite," he said, firing at her.  She tried to grab him but he backed up.  She was limited in reach since she wouldn't come out of the water.  Rodney finally got the shields up beyond defense of the waves and zapped her with the energy from them.  She shrieked but he kept her from swatting the city by hitting her with another explosion.  She got out of the water to chase him down.  Rodney's part of the plan went off to block her access to the water while Xander hit her with a few more pieces of artillery.  She finally sprung a leak and started to run out.

She shrank down into a pile of skin as she deflated.

Xander looked at her.  "Eat me," he said dryly.  "Pitiful supposed higher being."

The jumper landed and the pilot came out.  "We get her?" Evan Lorne asked.

"Yeah.  She's finishing draining."  He looked at it, grimacing.  "Think we can put her in a  box?  That way we can sneer and make fun of her, or scare newbies with her?"  The body twitched.  They stared and Xander fired off something else, making her splatter more.  She let out a small scream but then sounded like she was blowing bubbles.

"I'm so glad we never got this before," Evan said.

Xander grinned at him.  "So is John."  He smirked back.  "Got a big plastic box?"

"Surprisingly enough, I have a large storage container with a lid," he quipped.

"Cool."  Evan got it and Xander scooped her into it.  It took a few tries.  She was slippery.  Then Evan sealed it and made sure it was closed.  "There, now we can scare people with her."  A few demons screamed and rushed them.  Xander turned and shot them.  He left one standing, staring at them.  "And?" he asked it.  It burbled and waved its fins.  "No!  I'm not going to let her go!  Fucking bitch wanted to help the Old Powers destroy all you guys."  The demon whimpered and burbled something else, letting out a fart too.  "Exactly.  She's one of them.  Now she's handled.  Let me know if more show up.  Remember, I'm the hunter locally."  The demon nodded and waved his fin.  "Tranq darts, of course.  That way we could stop anyone who needed it if they panicked but if they were bad guys I'd have plenty of time to deal with it."  The demon nodded and ran off flapping his fins.  Xander shook his head.  "Okay."  He looked at Evan.  "What does the great husband want?"

"I don't know."  He tapped his comm.  "Colonel.  She's in a box."  He listened.  "I can do that."  He looked at Xander.  "Sorry."

"That's okay."

"Can't you usually hear him?"

"Yeah, but I blocked him off earlier when I was doing something he wanted to beat me for."  He shrugged and grinned.  "Let them tell me if they need me.  I'm going to hide my ass before the cops decide I'm dangerous."  He waved and closed things before shrinking them and putting them into his bag.  "Later, dude."  He headed for his car at a jog.

Evan shook his head.  "His husband is a nut," he decided, getting into the jumper and cloaking it so he could take off and head back to the city.  He landed and got out, carrying the box.  "Your demon queen," he said dryly.  "She's not happy.  She's still blowing bubbles."  He walked off shaking his head.  "He headed for safety because we could hear sirens."

"Figures.  How many more little boxes did he have with him?"

"He had six that he had to pack but the bag looked a bit lumpy."

"I have got to look at his artillery storage area under the floor," John muttered.

Evan laughed.  "Sure, you do that."  He walked off happier.  "What else is going on tonight?"

"Something huge."  He looked at the box.  "Rodney to the jumper bay, or you, Radek."  He hung up on the comm and stared at it.  He could hear faint bubbling.  Rodney walked in.  "The bitch."

Rodney stared.  "What do you want me to do with her?"

"I don't care.  Find a way to destroy her for all I care."  He walked off.  "Just don't let her recharge with water."  He went back to the gate room.  "She's down," he announced, hearing cheering from those who were still on base.  "Fall back, we're having General O'Neill and a few others showing up sometime soon."

"Too late," Daniel called with a smile.  "We can't get the right phrase."

John went to the AI room.  "Can you please show me where the Court room was?" he asked politely.

"The Council had no court," the AI told him.

"Not the judicial court, the Court of Power."

"We did not have one."

"The one where Morgan and Merlin would've met for their council," Daniel said as he joined him.

"We did not have one of those."

John crossed his arms over his chest.  "I am the new Knight of Atlantis.  I want to see the meeting table so I can log in."

"That room is sealed until a King of Power comes."  O'Neill walked in.  "You are not."

"I am," he said, logging in.  She stared at him.  "We have been named the new Court.  This is the new Knight of Atlantis."

"There is no way for us to log into that system any longer."

Rodney walked in and hit a sequence, making her fuzz up.  "Now, where is the meeting room?"

"It is in the East Tower," she said.  "Only those who are on it may enter."

"That's fine," Jack said.  "Anything else we should know?"

"Once you get there, they will have to approve you."  She faded out.

"Okay," Jack said.  "Where in the east tower?"

"I think I've seen the window.  We have one that we know doesn't fit any room on any diagram," Rodney said.   He led them outside, pointing at a window.  "That one."

Jack looked up.  "How do we get close to it?"

"There's a hallway not eighty feet above it," John offered.  He got them to a transporter and transferred them to one closer.  Then to another one near it.  "After you, my king," he said with a wave at a wall.

Jack moved up to it.  He concentrated.  Something twanged and he moved toward it.  He concentrated and the handpad slid out of the wall.  He put his hand on it and winced at the small pain it caused.  The wall opened to a large door.  "I think this is it."

John checked the door then kicked it.  He heard the creak and pounded two more times.  It opened.  "It works in the movies."

"I bet," he said dryly.

"The Queen does it when she goes to talk to Parliament."  He let them in and got out of the way.  "Our round table."

Jack walked in and nodded.  "Yup.  It is.  Okay," he said into his comm.  "Beam Carter, Mitchell, and the other two here.  Watch out for the table in the middle of the room."  He hung up and looked at John.

"I have no idea how we start this."  He looked up, then at Daniel.  "Any idea?"

"Not yet."  Cam and Sam Carter appeared.  "Hi."

"Hi," she said, looking around.  "This is...old fashioned."  There was wood paneling, a large wooden table, and a lot of chairs.   She looked at them.  They had carvings that were different.  "Daniel?  What do they mean?"

He looked then pointed  "Yours or McKay's.  The other's behind it."  They glared at each other.

"Oh, fercryin'outloud, McKay, sit behind her this time."

"Why me!" he demanded.

"Because in this court, the king's people are at the table and the local knight protector's are behind us," she said smugly.

"Ego doesn't become you," Cam told her.  He looked around.  "Just us?"

"No," Daniel said.  He tapped his.  "Is he safely stopped?  Good.  Bring the bag with him if you can."  He hung up.  Xander appeared and had to blink more this time to clear the redness.  "What is causing that?"

"I don't know," he admitted, stepping out of his spot.  The shields came up and slammed him against the wall.  "Huh."  He struggled and concentrated, using his taint to create a small force against the energy.  He got free and walked to the table, putting something on it.  The shield threw him back against the wall.  "Sure," he said, concentrating and pulling the dagger back to him.  The shield tried to come up but fizzled against it.

"The shields," Rodney said, bringing them down for them.

Xander heard the info over his earpiece.  "Rodney, the city's people are wondering why there's a floating light."  Rodney growled.  "Can't you just exclude *me*?"

"Of course I can."  He did that and Xander fell onto his butt.

"Ow."

"You didn't complain when you got clawed but you complain when you fall a foot?" John asked.

"Yeah.  I'm like that."  He stood up and put the dagger back on the table.   "A holy knife."  He bowed.  "For the king."

"When did you get time to make that?" John asked.

"Africa."  He looked at Jack again.  "What can I do to help?"

"How do we start this?"

"Well, I'd call an expert.  Cordelia, can we have a minute please?"

She showed up.  "What now?" she demanded, looking around.  "Oh, wow, I didn't expect this."  She looked at him.  "What did you do?"

"Want the demon queen in the box?" he countered.

"How....  Never mind!  I know you're the king of fuck ups and screwing things up but making it work.  I don't want to know!"  She sighed, looking at Daniel.  "Does he give you headaches?"

"No."

"Great, so it's just me and Buffy."

"Do you really want to be part of that group?" Sam Carter asked her.

"No."  She looked around.  "Let me get someone....  Hey, Oma!" she called.  The Ancient faded in.  "I can't be involved in this or the old Powers will attack them and all this will be destroyed.  They need info."  She faded out.

Oma looked around.  "What are you doing in here?  You have not created your own Court.  You have not earned it."

"You mean beyond taking what you left behind and making new things from it?" Daniel asked her.  "Or how we've recovered a lot of other things?"

"That is ours that you built off of."

"And everything the Ancients did was built off someone else's work," Daniel reminded her.

"You have no protector."  Xander waved his hand.  "What are you?"

"Human, though I've fought many things in the past that have added bits and pieces due to blood taints and things."

"That is not real."

He created a light in his hand, making her shriek.  He undid it.  "Yeah, it is, especially since I'm one who's been helping the chosen of the old Powers That Be."

She calmed herself.  "We do not know how that works."

"I don't have that problem," he pointed out.  "We have our court, we're building the local court that the King rules over from the Mountain court."

She considered it, staring at Jack.  "The Asgard have one of their own."  She faded out.

"If I could get Thor...." he started, glaring at the kid.

"Not my fault!" he complained.  He grimaced then looked around.  Then he pulled off something and muttered something into it, tossing it on the table.  "The higher beings in Africa said to add that to the table.  I think he meant literally."

"What is it?" Rodney asked.

"It's the start of a power crystal of some sort," Xander said.  "He said that you have one, somewhere in something, there's one on the other base somewhere.  One was in Pompeii at one time, but I can't be sure if it was broken by the explosion, and one's lost to history he said.  So it's MIA."

Oma Dessala reappeared.  "How did you get that?" she asked him.

"The one who accidentally spit on me during a fight gave it to me to give to the people here."  He smiled.  "He told me where the others are."

"We do not believe in such things."

"Get that box up here," Rodney ordered into his comm.  "Yes, that room.  It's open."  He hung up.  A few Marines brought the container in and dropped it beside him.  He opened it and pointed.  "You're still doubting this?"

She stared then at him.  "How did you defeat that?"

"I made sure our shields kept her out of the city."  He pointed at Xander.  "He did it."

She turned to him.  "How did you do that?"   He opened his bag and pulled out something, unshrinking it and putting the case on the table to open it.  She gasped.   "What are you?" she demanded.

"The slayer's knight.  Now theirs."

"You are not fully human."

"It's not my fault I got bled on during a fight," he complained.  John patted him on the back.  "I'm very human, thank you.  I just had some mermaid taint and a few others tainting me after fights."

She grimaced.  "Who would speak for him being here?"

"We were joined with another one," John told her.  "He's my spouse.  Leave him alone or piss me off too."

"Well."  She stared at them.  "He is...."  Xander unsnapped one of the straps holding the weapon.  "It won't hurt me."

He smiled and held it up.  "Yes it will.  It's blessed by a high priest of Janus."

"I met him," she sneered.  "He's not what you think."

"Actually, you met the representation of his name.   As proven by some of the taint I carry that was done by the same high priest turning us into and giving us the memories of the ones we wore the costume of thanks to his power."

She stared at him.  "It is not true."

"Ethan!" he called.  He appeared and looked at her.  The Ancient looked very upset.   "You were saying?"

She stared.  Then looked at Jack.  "Do you deal with that in your Court?"

"If it comes up.  Mostly we deal with science.  In this current problem, we'll have to deal with some of it."  He looked at the box.  "Can't you cover her?  It's gross."  Rodney put the cover back on her.  "Thank you."  He looked at her again.  "This time it's the Powers That Be against the Ones That Ran."

"Why did they run?' she asked.

"Because their chosen decided not to be pawns," John said.  She cackled.  "We nearly destroyed them for their plans to take out the protectors of humanity."  She stared at them.  He patted Xander on the back again.  "Our wedding was part of their plans.  They wanted us to become evil to take them out.  They had no idea who Xander was.  They thought he was someone else."

"With that taint I can see why."

"No, they thought I was my best friend, who was killed before any of this happened.  Even the angel we talked to recently didn't realize that until he read me.  It seems like the only time I get respect it's from the demons."

She floated closer, testing him.  "Well, that's not good."  She floated back, wiping off her hand.  "Can't they weed that out?"

"I don't know.  If they want to, I'll let Rodney or Sam figure it out for me.  For right now, I've got to help protect this city from the higher beings having a brawl.  We have to get Jack sworn in."

"Stop whatever you're doing," Woolsey ordered as he walked in.  "The IOA...."

Xander flicked his fingers and knocked him out.  "Holds no real power and I'm tired of your pissy attitude, Woolsey."  He looked at the ancient again.  "They were hoping you'd have a book of protocol and perhaps know how to get them logged in.  Because saying so isn't the same as being so sometimes."

"You...." Sam started, pointing at him.

"I'm not under the authority of the IOA.  I could care less what their cranky ass, whiny opinion about anything is.  Especially not about protecting people.  Clearly, they're on the wrong side this time.  I can feed them to the box'o demon there if you want."

"Calm down," John ordered.  He looked at Ethan.  "Having fun?"

"Loads.  Janus is nearly shivering in joy."  He smirked at the boy.  "He can yell at your spouse for that."

"I can call in some favors and have Congress eaten," he said bluntly.  "Or have their soul deals called in.  They're all panicking and gathering their people before the apocalypses," he quipped with a smirk.  "Think they'll forget them?"

"No," he admitted.  He smirked at him.  "You're insane."

"It's being married and people wanting kids.  Please go nag my aunts back."

"I shall.  Later."  He took Woolsey with him.

John looked at his mate.  "Did you have more sugar?"

"Before the battle in case I needed to run."

"Did you eat dinner?" he asked patiently.

"No, I was busy then.  Did you?"

"No.  I had a Power Bar."  He sighed, putting him into a seat but Xander jumped like it was biting him.  "What?"

"Yours."  He sat down in his.  His phone rang.  "What?" he complained into it.  He walked into the hallway to take it.  "Repeat after me, Rona.  I'm a slayer, help me with this one or Xander is going to call in all his poker debts tonight.  In cash, artillery, or jewels.  Yes, I mean it," he said when the demons groaned.  "No, she's gone, Rona.  Need backup for the other two?"  He smiled.  "Wonderful.  Arguing with the spouse about my sugar intake.  He thinks I'm being bouncy and violent."  All the demons laughed.  "Help her and I'll give you guys another two weeks.  If not, well I've got my hunting and apocalypse bag with me because of her earlier.  I can come take out the stress of official sorts butting into an apocalypse by telling them they can't do things to protect people."  He hung up and walked back inside to flop down again.  "Buffy sent slayers to handle her earlier.  Rona's handling the other problems for the rest of the night."

"Good," Jack said.  For some reason he was glowing.  Rodney switched the crystal so it was on its tip instead.  The glow took over and flashed.  "Ow," Jack complained, rubbing his eyes.  He looked around.  "So that's what that did," he muttered.  "Cam, you're being officially adopted into the Court.  You're my local protector of that Mountain Court.  Sheppard, you and your nutball spouses are the local protector for this Court.  Carter, you and McKay are my science advisors and the creators.  Danny, you're my wisdom.  Try to keep me from starting a war or six this time."  They nodded at that. "Kid, you're the official Knight Protector of this Court.  Your job, when you're not saving everyone, is to protect the members of this Court.  Am I clear?"

"Yes, Jack."

"Good."  He clapped his hands.  "Now what?"

Xander pointed.  "The table's opening."  They crowded around to look.  He glanced over shoulders.  Cam shoved him off so he moved over to look over Sam's shoulder.  She never minded.  She smiled at him.  "Cam's mean and wouldn't let me look over his shoulder."  She giggled.  They went back to watching.

"That's the chair's view," John said.  It switched.  "There's another chair?"

"Maybe it's a throne?" Xander guessed.  It changed to that view.  "Where's that?"  A diagram showed up.  "Okay.  Is there a dot for that second viewing spot?"  One appeared.  "Huh."  John smiled at him.  "It seemed practical."  Something else popped up a dot.  "What's that?"

Rodney looked at him.  "A kitchen.  Apparently they think you're bouncy too."

"Keep it up and I'm taking my dog home tonight."

"Yeah, you probably should," John said.  "Woolsey spotted her during the attack and threw a fit."

"Can't I just wipe his mind?"

"No.  That's wrong," John reminded him.

"Yeah, but ...."

"No."

"Fine.  If he starts on me?"

"Be creative, not evil."

"Yes, John."

"I'd like to keep my job, Xander, and they're the ones who decide that."

"I won't be mean."

"Thank you."   He and Jack shared a look.

"It's special when a guy like him cares enough to protect your skinny butt," he said.

"I'm still leaving that up to him," Xander reminded him.  He yawned.  His phone rang.  "Not right now," he said into it then hung up.  A few minutes later it beeped with a message.  He sighed.  "Okay."  He straightened up.  "I've got to go.  The slayers need help with something."  He handed Rodney his earpiece.  "It's on the local tactical station."  He handed over his police band radio as well.  "They've been calling for me to talk to city hall for the last little bit so we could discuss the movie stunt that had panicked the city."  He gathered up his weapons.  John took it.  "They need it."

"It comes back tomorrow to be kept in my room, Xander."

"Fine.  Whatever."  He looked up.  "Ethan?"  He disappeared.

John looked at Jack.  "How do I deal with this?"

"Confiscate it," he said bluntly.

"I'm going to."

"Thank you," he said dryly.  "Any other nasty surprises he's hiding?"

"Who knows.  He won't tell me.  If I ask, he'll divert our attention with the dog.  Or going to stretch or work on the forge."

"We'll deal with the IOA thing," Jack assured him.  "We all know it wasn't your doing, it was his."

"Thank you, General.  He was a bit cranky."

"I'd think a major battle like that would make me cranky," Sam told him.

John looked at her.  "I don't think it was that sort of cranky."

"No, it's partially whatever he gave himself to block you out," she said smugly.  "And the fact that he's pissed that Oma treated him like a creature."

"That didn't make me happy either," he admitted.  "Now what?"

"Now, we make sure the others realize it," Oma told him.  "He should not be here."

"He's my spouse, even though we weren't totally willing," John said firmly.

"If you cared for him, you would go into battle with him."

John stared at her.  "He knows I have to be here now and then."

"A true warrior comes home because he has a reason to," she noted.

"He has plenty of reason to, including our dog."

"I think she's nagging you for not being an attentive husband," Cam told him.

"I'm very attentive."

"People, problems, please?" Rodney complained.  "I hear enough of his marital woes every day."

"I don't talk about him that often," John complained.

"Enough!" Daniel said.  "I'm agreeing with Rodney.  We can get into his marriage later.  Oma, what do we do next?"

"It's already been sent out that you think you're ready to start your own Court of Power."  She faded out, giving John a smug look.

John concentrated at Xander.  He could barely hear him.  He was pissed.  He sent a calming thought at him and got pushed off because Xander was pissed at the slayers.  He tried again and Xander growled at him.  So he stopped for now.  He straightened up.  "Okay.  I think I should find him and help them.  For some reason the slayers are annoying him and he's about to blow them up."

"Find out about these poker debts," Jack ordered.

"Any other hold he has over the IOA too please," Daniel said.  "General Landry would like it as well."

"Yup.  I'll ask once we're done."  He let Jack have him beamed to where Xander was fighting.  Xander had one bloody arm.  "What the hell!" he demanded.

"Who're you?" one of the girls demanded, sneering at him.

"His husband."  He walked around her.  She tried to grab him so he pushed her into a nearby wall.  She groaned as she hit.  "Rona."

"John.  He's fine.  It's barely a scratch but the scab broke.  He's fine."

"He's not fine.  He can't use his arm."  He made Xander let him look at it.  "Let me help," he told him.

"I'm fine.  You can tell them to blow you for the nagging."

John stared at him.  "No, I won't.  They were right to nag.  I should be hunting with you more often.  Now, quit fussing at me.  Also, they wanted to know what you had on the IOA."

"Half of them are demons.  A few are even flesh eating demons."

"Thank you."  He finished tying the torn part of the kid's shirt over his arm.  "Where is it?"

"There's two minions and then the visiting queen," Xander sighed.  "From the LA Pantheon.  Ethan's trying to help."

"Does he still have Woolsey?"

"No, he gave him to some Satanists he knows."  He walked off.  "C'mon, ladies.  Let's go."

"Which one are we getting?" Rona asked.

"All of them eventually.  The minions are up the street with the cops, beating the crap out of them."  She nodded and they followed.   The lesser slayers were grumbling.

John looked at them.  "Complain louder, let them know we're coming," he said dryly.  He looked at Xander, who looked serious.  "Plan?"

"Same as earlier.  Down and out."

"Good deal.  How many do we have left?"

"Should be plenty."  They walked around a corner and he sighed.  "Rona, you have the scythe, take the one on the left."  She nodded, leading the slayers that way.  He and John pulled out lesser things and blew it into the other minion.  His seven-foot body screamed and turned on them.  "You're in my city.  Leave, before I get pissed."  The thing lunged at him and Xander pulled out his battle axe and went after it.  John found a zat in there, for some reason, and hit the one the girls were dealing with.  It screamed in pain.  Two strikes knocked it silly.  He hit Xander's twice and screamed too.  Then they merged.  "Did I do that?"

"No.  They're 'zoids," Xander called back.  "Rona!"  She lunged in opposite him.  They cut the being in half.  It screamed and he chopped off the limbs.   He was panting when he was done.  One twitched and John got it with the zat.  Xander breathed hard, looking at the staring cops.  They all looked horrified.  "What?" he complained.

"Sir, were you in LA?"

"No, I was in Africa training some of the slayers there.  This is John, he was."  He walked off, grabbing his bag.  "Ladies, let's find the other one."

"Sir, if she was about six foot and blue?  We have her in jail."

"Named Illyria?"  They nodded, smiling.  "No, she's actually on our side.  Did she get the other one?"

"Yes, sir, they were fighting and she won."

"Good for her."  He smiled.  "She's an ancient God-King."

"Oh.  So....  Let her go?"

"Probably should, yeah.  But good work with her, guys.   You shouldn't have too many more of these."

"Um... I don't want to ask," one said, moving closer.  "But...  Earlier there was a problem on the docks?"

"Yeah, there was," he agreed with a smile.  "It's solved too."  They nodded and beamed.  "But I'd rather they be mad at some unknown Indie film shoot.  People get really weird around demons sometimes."

"Sure, I can agree with that," that officer agreed.  "We can clue them in and let them make up a cover story.  Are you local if we have more demon problems?"

"Usually I'm in Alameda.  If there's a problem I usually hear before you guys do.  Most of the local demon community is very peaceful.  They have their own council.  They tell me if there's a problem bothering humans."

"Sure, we get that," he agreed.  "Thank you for that information.  Are those coffins?"

"No comment," Xander said with a grin.  "We're coming up on an apocalypse.  That's why they were here.  I'll hear if you guys have any more and show up."  He grabbed his bag and walked off.  "Ladies?"

They followed.  John waved and followed.  On the way he looked out toward the Bay and groaned, calling in.  "Rodney, I can kind of see the main tower and the west side, plus the very bright glow of the main tower's lights."  It faded out. "It's cool now."  He hung up and jogged to catch up to Xander before he could disappear.  "Hey."

Xander looked at him.  "Thanks."

"Welcome.  Where did you get the zat?"

"Is that what it's called?"  He nodded.  "Won it in a poker game."

"Ah."  He patted him on the back.  "Come help me calm down by playing with the dog?"

"Your city hates me."

"My city loves you.  It's the blood taint that was calibrated into the shields.  Rodney excluded you."  They ran into Cam and Sam Carter.  "Handled."

"Good.  How did you get a zat?"

"Poker," he said dryly.

"Where did they get a zat?" Sam asked.

"She said something about an idiot who wanted her to bow to him so she kicked his butt and bit him to take it from him.  She had some hand thingy too but I couldn't get it."

"Can you introduce us so we can bargain with her?" Sam asked.

"Sure.  Why?  Is the hand thingy important?"

"Yup."

"Okay.  Sure.  The next time I see her I'll call."  He smiled.

"Good.  Now, Jack wanted us to make sure John wasn't a lenient spouse who let you keep artillery."

"Damn."

"Sorry," Cam said with a smug look.  "Shouldn't have brought it out."

"I sent her some of it."

"Not good enough," Cam said.  "C'mon, we're going back to the city."  He looked at the pouting slayers.

Sam pointed.  "That is Ghirardelli Chocolate company.  Tomorrow, they'll open, have a tour, and a huge gift shop."  They beamed at her for that.  "The hotel up the street is good and relatively inexpensive."

"Do I need to treat any injuries?" Xander asked them.

"No, it's mostly bruises, Xander," Rona assured him with a smile.  "Good work."

"Hey, I'm always up for backing up slayers," he told her.  She hugged him and walked the two pouting ones off.

"Why did he have to make a hottie like that one gay?" one complained.

"Their aunts said so because the Powers had a plan to make them evil so they'd kill us all.  That proves the Powers That Were are evil."

"Yeah, taking hotties and making them evil and gay would only get Buffy," one quipped.  The other huffed at her.  "It would!  She dates evil guys!  And you can't tell me Angel's not a bit gay.  Spike too!  Spike even calls Angel gay."

Xander groaned once they were out of hearing range, shaking his head.  "Sorry."

"They were mean for other reasons.  Making me your spouse might've been the only good thing they've done."  Xander gave him an odd look.  "What?"

"You've been hit on the head?"

"No."

"You've been cursed or something?  Because I can ask someone how to help you."

"No."  He almost sighed, knowing where this was going.  Someday, he was going to find Xander's parents to beat them to death.  He really was.  Or he might let Rodney do it, he was fond of Xander.  And Carter looked nearly maternal about him at the moment.  So, hey, backup.

"You're being mushy," he said quietly.  "You're not like this."

"You don't know that."  He walked him back to the jumper.  "I'm flying."

"I'm flying," Cam corrected.  "I haven't flown in a while."

"You never flew one of these," John said.

Xander gave the boys a strange look then looked at Sam.  "Were they infected with something?" he asked quietly.

"No."  She smiled.  "He had to make sure you were okay."

"Why?"

"Because he's your husband.  They do that sort of thing."  He still look confused.  She stroked his back.  "It's something people in a relationship do."

"I checked on Anya a lot but I know what I'm doing."

"Which means that you need more fussing.  And maybe some stitches."

"It's only a scratch."

"I could see bone," John corrected from the copilots's seat.  "It's not a scratch, Xander."  Xander ran toward the back door but John had anticipated that and closed it.

"Hey!  I don't want whatever infected you guys."

"You infected him, kid," Cam said, lifting them off.

"Cloak on," John noted.

"You and the dog can have the night napping on him.  Jack said so," Sam told him.

"That's sweet of him but John's not happy with me.  We'll fight."

"If you avoid it, you'll fight more and be more hurt.  So argue, then you and the dog can hide.  He likes to track from what I heard."

"That's really kinky, Sam," Xander complained, blushing some.

John looked back at them.  "Why is it you can walk into an S&M club by accident and not care, but the idea of being hunted down like the prize you are makes you blush?"

"Because I'm not?"

"Not blushing?  Yes you are."

"A prize."

"Shut up, Xander.  Yes you are and I'm tired of you putting yourself down."  He turned back around.  "Don't you dare touch that door release either.  Remember, the bay is very cold and it has sharks."

Xander looked at Sam, who shook her head.  "Real friends don't let their friends escape cuddles.  Sorry."

"Damn it, he's going to kill me," he muttered.

"I heard that.  I have no intention of doing more than hovering while someone decent does your stitches," John assured him.  "Then we're going to sleep for a week."

"By then they might have the idiot back."

"Maybe," John sighed.  "We'll deal with him when we have to."

"You sure you're not mad or cursed or something?"

"Quite," he said, giving his husband a dirty look.  "Quiet.  Let us fly."  Xander nodded, sitting down to watch them fly, for now.  He'd escape on the base.  That way he didn't have to be doctored and he could rescue his poor dog before she thought she needed her own gun.

"She hangs out more with the scientists," John said, hearing that thought.

"Then she's a lot smarter than I am."

"You're plenty smart, Xander," Sam assured him.  "You were the victim of the worst school district ever."

"If you say so."  He knew how to argue with girls, maybe he should try that on his husband since he wanted to argue?  John gave him a dirty look.  He shrank back down.  They finally landed and John pulled Xander out, keeping hold of him.  Cam tossed O'Neill the bag of weapons.

"Aww, just what I wanted," he said dryly.  The boy was floated up and had to sigh at that.

John touched his comm.  "McKay, didn't you exclude Xander?"  The shield went down a moment later.  "Thank you."  It went back up when they went inside.  He glared at the nearest wall.  "Watch me destroy half the buildings because you don't like my husband," he told it.  It released him and gave him a small nudge with a door.  "Okay, that's good."  He walked him off.  "He needs stitches, General."

"That's fine," he said dryly, waving and smirking at the boy when he gave them a 'save me' look.  "Do we think he's that upset?" he asked Mitchell quietly.

"No, probably not.  Worried, a bit pissed, nothing that horrible.  He won't beat the kid like I would for having that sort of artillery."

Jack looked in the bag.  "He brought a honeymoon kit too I see," he quipped.  Sam coughed and blushed, walking off.  Jack poured out the contents, letting Daniel repack anything mundane while he got all the pretty little boxes.  "How do I make them grow?"  They all grew, nearly knocking him down when a few tipped due to lack of balanced stacking.  "Never mind."

A few marines came jogging over.  "Sir, are these more of Colonel Sheppard's personal armory or the regular one?" one asked, helping him out from under a case.

"Sheppard would say his," Daniel said.

"We can stack them in his office then," one decided, getting a few others to help.  "Where did he find all these?"

"That nutball husband of his had an apocalypse vault," Daniel told them.  "He decided he might need it and it appears he was at least partially right."  They snickered, carrying the weapons off.  "You okay?" he asked Jack.

"Yeah, I'm good."  He dusted himself off, watching as McKay walked past grumbling.  "See how the kid shrank those," he ordered.

"He didn't, he paid someone to do that.  I asked when Carter got the first set."  He walked off shaking his head.  He didn't need to know how many the boy had been storing.  Maybe it was that hoarding compulsion some people had?

***

John walked Xander into the infirmary and pushed him onto a bed.  "It's just a scratch," Xander complained, hopping back up.

"I could see bone, it's not a scratch."  He pushed him back down.  Xander wiggled and slid off the other side of the bed.  "Don't make me ask Teyla or Ronon to come hold you, Xander."

"I don't need stitches.  Just a better bandage.  Maybe a few butterflies."  He took John's comm when he reached for it.  "Oh, no!  That's from that curse or whatever you got hit with.  That's why you're having the strange gooey mental thoughts and the bondage ones.  I don't like being tied down."

Ronon walked in with the doctor.  "What did you do?" he asked Xander.

"I backed up the slayers.  What do I usually do during an apocalypse?"

"What got hurt?"

"It's a tiny scratch."

"Doctor Keller, I can see my husband's arm bone," John told her.  "Ronon, help me catch him."

"Perhaps there is something else she'll find if she looks him over?" Ronon asked him.

Xander glared at him.  "It's not like I cheat, Ronon.  He'd have heard it if I even thought about it.  He does whenever I admire my neighbors rollerblading."

"They are pretty," John assured him.  "I have no doubt that the only thing she'll find is injuries he's hiding, Ronon.  Now, help me catch him before he wiggles away again."  Ronon shrugged and grabbed the boy, helping hold him down while he wiggled.

Doctor Keller looked at him.  "Make me knock you out," she said.  "Miss time with your spouse because you're in here all night."  He settled down at that.

"Thanks, Doc.  He's decided I'm cursed because I had a mushy moment."

"Some guys have very few of them," she said dryly.  She undid the make-shift t-shirt bandage and looked.  "That's...disgusting."

"What?" Xander asked, looking at it.  "Why is it black blood?  Did I get more mermaid taint?"

"Maybe it's where the shields keep catching you," John offered.  "We can ask Rodney."

"I'm taking some for tests," she told them.  "I can share with him."  She got all the samples anyone could want while stitching him up.  "Any others?" she asked.

"No," Xander said, looking pouty.

"You know, if he finds one on you, he'll drag you back here," Ronon told him.

"I doubt a hemorrhoid is going to freak him out too much."

Doctor Keller got the full body scanner and ran it over him. A shield came up again.   Xander growled and muttered something.  The lights went down, the shield fell down, and John gave his spouse the most interested look.

"Looks like I need to do an ATA test too," Keller quipped.  She finished the scan.  "There.  The dog's with Daniel in the library.  Go cuddle or whatever.  If he does have a hemorrhoid, be gentle around it before it ruptures," she told John.

"Thank you, Doc."  They let Xander up, walking him off.  "Muffin!" he called.

"It's amusing when we don't hear you screaming," a Marine complained.  "Though the dog is nice to have around.  Sir," he said with a sneer at Xander.

"I can throw that demon back in the water if you want," he offered dryly, staring him down.  The marine quickly walked off.  "Apparently he didn't like that idea."  He whistled.  The dog came running to growl at him.  He let her nuzzle and sniff him, still growling.  "It's not like that one bled on me," he complained.  She tipped her head to the side.  "I don't know.  C'mon, bed time, Muffin."

John nodded.  "It's the daddy.  Ask the mean, loud one why the blood taint came back so strong suddenly."  She ran off.  "If she goes to find Rodney...."

"My dog's smarter than me," Xander said dryly.  Ronon cracked up laughing.  "She is."

"She clearly might be.  Go to bed.  We'll find her and deliver her."  He followed the dog, finding her yapping frantically at Radek and him looking confused.

"You are not Lassie," Radek told her.  "And we have no wells."

"Her father is showing more than the usual demon taint and it scared her," Ronon told him.

Radek sighed.  "Did he transport or was he beamed?"  Rodney's head popped up.  "We know those can change body chemistry."

"In that case, we can use the transporters here in the city to weed some of it out," Rodney said, grabbing something.  "Come on, dog.  We'll fix your human so your other father can finally sleep.  Before he eats someone."  They walked off, finding Sheppard trying to pull Xander off Woolsey.  "Interesting."

"He said the IOA decided we're wrong to use what we have to keep ourselves from being destroyed," John said.  "Xander, let the man go."

Xander stared at him then sniffed.  "Not one of the flesh eating ones on the council.  Or the half-demons."  Woolsey gave him a horrified look.  "Yeah, we know.  The Council caught them eating out in London the other day."  He smirked.  "We are just out of two battles.  Do you think it's wise to try to piss someone off just out of a battle?  With battle nerves still coiled and all that good stuff?"

"I...I...two?" he squeaked.  Xander let up on the pressure, letting him breath easier.  "Two battles?" he demanded.

"Yeah, she had minions and we had someone visiting from the LA Pantheon," John told him.  "Plus the battle for here.  I don't know why the mermaid taint is coming forward so much."  He scratched the back of his head.

"Transporters," Rodney said, making John groan.  "We've had to compensate for other genetic instabilities being brought forward too.  Xander, let him go."

Xander looked at him.  "You may be a pack member, but I do not take orders from you."  He snarled at Woolsey again, making him flinch away.  "Leave my pack alone," he growled.  The dog barked.  "Even that one."

"I'm supposed to be in charge, we have to maintain order."

"That makes you sound stupid since you're now a scientific outpost.  Especially in the middle of the biggest series of apocalypses coming."  He let him go, staring at him.  "As for your snide question of who let me on Atlantis?  General O'Neill."

"You're a civilian....."

"We do have spousal visiting rights," Rodney said coolly.  "He's right about that.  Also, O'Neill wanted him here tonight because of what you tried to interrupt earlier."

"Who were they?" Woolsey asked Xander.

Xander smirked back.  "Slaver demons.  Ethan decided you were annoying the crap out of him too.  Purely on the say-so of some chaos breeding demons.  Congrats."   He looked at Rodney.  "What do the transporters have to do with all this?  Beyond the red eyes I get every time."

"It brought forward the demon taint to try to compensate for it most likely.  I can probably reverse it so you can apologize later on."

Xander smirked.  "He clearly doesn't know who or what he's talking to since I'm the liaison the Watchers Council gave to the program.  Complete with raised clearance.  Beyond that, I already knew all this.  Shit, people, the demon library in Pasadena has schematics, stories, and full histories of it."

"Can I get those?" Rodney asked.

"If you ask the local city council they might be able to get them for you.  I'm over my lending limit since I got some for Jackson."

"Excellent to know.  Thank you."

"Welcome.  They were on the ones who might help the Powers or join in."  He looked at Woolsey.  "You have no authority over anything because you answer to Gretchen, who is a flesh eating, chaos bred demon from another plane.  For that matter, the IOA has very little standing and the slayers in England do not like them.  We've had to talk them out of slaying the demons on your council many times.  Your fellow IOA people are going to be on the wrong side in this upcoming war between the Powers because the new ones won't let them take living victims.  Now, is your priority Atlantis or is your priority sucking demon dick?"

"You're very blunt," he complained.  "How do I know that's the truth?"

Xander looked at Rodney, who shrugged.  Then back at him.  "Ask her how Cibral was.  It's a very famous demon restaurant in the underground."

"Beyond that, I need him to undo the damage the transporters did," Rodney interrupted.  "Or else he'd just be tired instead of tired, flowing demon taint, and is that black blood on the bandage?"

"We noticed that earlier," John admitted.  "I haven't shown him anything classified.  O'Neill had him brought onto base, then he went to handle another battle, which I followed to help him with, then Mitchell brought him back on O'Neill's orders."

"I was told to keep him off this base.  The Council hates him."

"If it makes you feel any better, I can go steal the zat, that's what it's called, right?" he asked John, who nodded.  "I can go steal it back from O'Neill since he confiscated it and hit you so you forget you saw me."  The dog barked and wagged her tail. "She likes that idea."

"No, thank you.  I'd rather not be hit with a zat stun."  He looked at McKay.  "Is this all that taint from the transporters screwing him up?"

"No.  You did get him after two battles," John assured him.  "I was taking him to calm him down and rest, but you got in the way.  Like any soldier, he's on an adrenaline high right now, Woolsey."  He walked Xander off.  "Rodney."  He followed with the dog.

Woolsey sighed but went to his office.  He ignored the boxes stacked in Sheppard's office for tonight.  He'd do something about them tomorrow.  He found O'Neill in his desk chair.  "The IOA does not want that boy on Atlantis."

"Tough.  They have no say over him since he's a spouse and there is conjugal visits."

"They said he's a danger to the project."

"No, he's not, and I don't know why they'd say that.  He's done nothing but protect us so far."  He sat up.  "For that matter, I don't care what the IOA wants, Woolsey.  We're dealing with things outside their jurisdiction.  We may have allowed them to be formed but I don't give a damn.  I haven't given a damn. Their petty ploys are getting dangerous to my soldiers.  For that matter, I'll have McKay drop the shields in an instant if you or they annoy me again over some petty ploy they've cooked up to supposedly help us all."  He stared him down."

"He said half of them are demons?"

"I asked the head of the Watchers Council.  The report they got from one of their people stated that seventeen top members of the IOA are confirmed demons and there's another sixteen they're not sure about but seem to be at least demon tainted worse than Harris is.  They also had a meeting at a restaurant that serves living victims."  Woolsey shuddered.  "You're being played."  He stood up.  "What are they doing with him?"

"McKay thinks it's the transporters that brought forward the demon taint.  Why are you glowing?"

"Earlier.  We enacted some extra protection for the program and the city."  He walked out.  "Leave Sheppard alone.  We're facing at the very least three apocalypses within the year."

"Why?" he demanded.

"Because the old Powers, who your bosses like, are asses who wanted to kill everyone.  It took me, the mini me, and Danny to straighten out their former game plan when they fled.  Now they want their jobs back and the new ones can't give in or everyone will die.  Take your pick which side you're on."  Woolsey nodded at that.  "Until then, yeah, Sheppard can have conjugal visits so Harris can pet his apocalypse closet goodbye tomorrow."  He walked off.  He swore, sometimes the NID idiots that bothered them were better than the IOA ones.  Especially the paper pushers.

Woolsey sat down to videocall his people.  "Sir."

"Richard.  How goes your city?  Did you manage to keep that freak out of it?"

"No, I didn't."  The man he was talking to glared at him.  "Nor will I be as it was pointed out he did have the rights to conjugal visits.  I can't deny one's spouse and allow the others."

"Then cancel it."

"I can't do that, I'll have a mutiny and end up back in that camp of the slaver demons I got sent to earlier."  The man gave him an odd look.  "The former chaos sorcerer we had on base working as a nurse put me with them when I tried to follow orders earlier to stop them.  I'm glad they thought I was old and stringy."

"What were they doing?"

"I don't know.   I don't really care.  O'Neill was handling it after the major demon rose up around us.  I was not included in that conversation or situation."

"Did the demon kill anyone?"

"We had one person washed overboard by the waves but he was rescued.  She was defeated and her two lesser minions in town."

"How dare they!" he shouted.

"They're doing what they're supposed to be doing.  I don't particularly want to be destroyed this week."

"The city isn't important."

"Yes it is!  We have no idea how much more is hidden here!"

"No, it's not."

Jack walked in and stared at him.  "The kid was right, you are a flesh eating demon."  The demon hissed and glared at him.  He smirked.  "Leave the Knight Protector alone.  He has enough clearance to take over the city."  He hung up on the idiot.  "Saw enough?"

"Yes," he complained, looking at him.  "They're going to replace me."

"No they won't."  He made a call.  "Slayer Damara?  General O'Neill.  Yes, Jack.  They're fair game.  They tried to have Atlantis destroyed earlier, to kill the people, and protested that they had defended themselves.  Give me any information you find on them directly please."  He hung up and looked at the present head of Atlantis.  "It's going to get worse, Woolsey.  Protect the city.  You nearly died a few times doing it before.  Do it now when it's easier."  He walked off again.

"Does Sheppard have to keep all those in his office?"

"If he can shrink them again they'll all fit in his desk."

Woolsey slumped, shaking his head.  This was insane.  He looked over  and all but a few had shrank down.  He didn't want to know.  It was probably his husband's fault.

***

Rodney checked the fourth run through the transporter.  "It's going the wrong way," he muttered, recalibrating it.  "Okay, try it again," he ordered.  Xander huffed but did it again.  This time the black sludge stayed and the boy came back looking very human but pissed off.  "What?"

"It crossed," Radek panted as he jogged up.  "One of the new ones crossed transporter lines with him."  He undid that mistake and brought Xander back.  Still human.  Xander slumped but John caught him.  The dog sniffed him and barked, nuzzling the daddy's thigh.  "There, take him and make him sleep," he told the dog.

"Thanks, guys," John said, walking Xander up the hall to his apartment.  The dog barked at them and followed.  He opened the door and let the dog go first since she insisted.  She went to water the tree on his balcony so she was being good.  He put Xander on the bed and took off his boots before going into the bathroom to clean himself up.

Xander woke up and blinked around.  "Huh."  He sat up.

"Lay down," John called.  "Get comfy."

"But...."

John looked out.  "I hate it when you get insecure so stop it.  I couldn't stand it in my girlfriends and I hate it when you do the same thing.  So drop it.  Right now, we're going to sleep.  We both need the rest after earlier."  He disappeared again.  "The shower's here if you want one."

Xander stripped and came in to take a shower.  "Are you sure...."

John made Xander look at him.  "If I was mad, I'd be yelling.  I'll yell tomorrow about all this."

"I...I didn't mean to upset your boss."

"Technically he's not my boss.  He might try to have me removed as Atlantis's head of the military."

"If I heard right, O'Neill told the slayers to have a field day with the IOA."

"Good!  Take a shower."   Xander nodded, getting in to do that.  John smiled, turning on something.  A sonic shower would do good with the goo on him.  Xander yelped and covered his ears.  "Sorry.  Forgot they're more sensitive than mine."

"It's okay," he said loudly.  John turned it to hot water and Xander nearly melted.  "Thank you."

"Welcome."  He went back to cleaning himself up for the night.  He saw a few spots of scabs and stripped down, getting in to wash Xander down so he could check those.  "I can help," he said when the boy stiffened.

"You're still mad at me."

"I might be a bit pissed but if I was mad, we'd be sparring, Xander.  Now, let the topic go.  For tonight, it's a conjugal visit."

"Sure," he said, sounding tired.  Xander let him help him wash his back, grimacing when he checked the two small sores.  "I sat on the wrong thing in Africa."

"Ah."  He helped him rinse off then did his own shower quickly.  Xander got out and John smirked.  "Clearly you're not used to showering with us yet."

"You guys don't do that at home."

"No, not often," he agreed.  He finished up and came out to dry off.  Xander was giving him shy looks.  "Bed."

"It's tiny."

"We'll fit."  He got Xander under the covers and laid down behind him.  It was his way of napping with him, more comfortable to him.  The dog came and hopped up behind them so he shifted them over.  Xander let out a small moan.  "Sore?"

"Little bit.  I'll be better tomorrow."

"Good."  He willed the lights off and just held him.  Neither one could sleep yet but that was fine.  John had to think about what he wanted to do if he was removed from Atlantis for Woolsey and Xander getting into it.  He had no idea.  Xander's mind was in a fuzzy state so he stared at his hair.  He gave him a gentle mental nudge, getting a grunt back.  "Sleep."  Xander flipped over to hold him.  He smiled.  "It'll be fine."

"No it won't.  I shouldn't have attacked him.  Even if he was going to try to have me sent into the ocean."

"He can kiss my ass."

"You love your job."

"Yeah, and I'll still probably be in the SGC."  He shrugged.  "Then we'll move you to Colorado."

Xander snorted.  "Snow and no beach?"

John smiled.  "Yup."  He smoothed a hand down Xander's arm.  "It's fine, Xander."  The dog barked quietly.  "You sleep too."  She got down and went to sleep in front of the doorway.  "Okay."

"It's nice, we have the bed again."

"You and she usually make Tony and I sleep on the very edge," John said dryly.  He gave him a squeeze.  "Sleep.  We'll deal with it tomorrow."

Xander shook his head.  "I can't sleep.  I'm too wired from the fight."

"Me either."  He kissed him.  That was the most sure way to wear them both out so they could sleep.  They were even conveniently undressed.  He had lube stashed somewhere.  Muffin sniffled at them then picked up something and brought it over before going out onto the balcony to sleep.  John and Xander snickered.  She had brought them the oil John used for leg cramps.  Xander shrugged and decided it was a good thing.  He moved down to make John sigh in pleasure from a blow job.

John tensed slightly at the intrusion into his ass but it was good.  Xander was playing his body like a symphony.  The stretching was barely noticeable with the way his husband could suck him.  He was groaning encouragement and probably getting a bit loud but his neighbors could leap.  Xander finally slid into him and looked down at him, giving him a gentle, long, slow ride that made him grip the bed.  John let himself go, just enjoying it for now.  He finally came and Xander kissed him, holding him.  John went limp, holding him back.  "Now I need a shower in the morning," he teased.

"You would anyway.  You sweat most nights."  He kissed him again.  John yawned in the middle, making him smile.  "Sleep."  John nodded, drifting off.  Xander laid there thinking for a bit longer, hiding it from both of them.  He had to do something about this series of battles.  It was his fault.  His damn temper.  It made him do stupid things.  Like earlier.  He'd have to apologize tomorrow.

***

John woke up alone and blinked, sighing.  Not even the dog.  He got up and cleaned up, then headed out once he was dressed.  He found Xander in Woolsey's office and glared at him.

"Chill, I was apologizing, John."  He looked at him.  "It's the pack imperative to protect them."

"I've seen studies on the pack mentality.  What started that in you?"

"A possession by an alpha hyena back in high school."  Woolsey gaped.  He nodded.  "She's very happy and about the only one not nagging us to have kids."

"I think I heard a 'cubs' comment one night," John said, leaning on the doorway.  "Why didn't those shrink?"

"They were probably opened."  He shrugged.  "I can reset it."

"You still can't have the artillery back," John pointed out.  He patted him on the back.  "Are you two still fighting?"

"No," Woolsey said.  "He was right.  A lot of the IOA board were demons who wanted the old ways back.   They were arrested last night at that cannibal's place with a lot of others."  He grimaced.  "I'm told the police got sick."

"Yeah, that place and the one like it in LA is really disgusting," Xander agreed.  "At least the ones in Sunnydale could buy it from the hospital."  He shrugged.  "Okay, since we've saved this city and I have to go back to work...."

John tapped him on the shoulder.  "On what?  And can I see that dagger?"

"Each Knight Protector finds or makes their own weapon."  He let him have it.  "That's the most practical I could have since an axe or a sword isn't used as much anymore."

"No, it's not," he agreed.  He could feel the magic in the blade, handing it back carefully.  He moved closer behind Xander.  "So you two are done spitting and hissing?"

"Yes," Woolsey sighed.  "Are you going to leave to help him with those fights?"

"We're on to protect this coast to the Mountain if something happens.  We have no idea where they're going to fight."  The dog barked.  "Morning, Muffin."  She went to a window and barked.

Xander looked then went outside, staring at the large man.  "Hi."

He stared at him.  "There was not supposed to be a Knight Protector for many years yet, until they got better at adapting things."

"The Powers are fighting."

"I've heard, young one.  You were right to drive them off for their plans."  He patted him on the head with a smirk.  "It will not happen here or I will destroy them myself.  They do not have my permission to fight in my waters."

Xander smiled.  "So you're not mad that I took out that cousin of them last night?"

"No.  She's annoying.  Jealous because I wouldn't sleep her with her once."  He smiled and patted John on the head.  "Knight."  He looked between them.  "Hmm, that gives the Knight Protector stability and a reason to come home.  Good."  He smiled.  "I have talked to the other ones of us in the waters.  They are not fighting here."

"Thank you for that wonderful news," Xander said with a beaming smile.  "Do you mind if I surf later?"

"No, I have never minded people enjoying my domain for fun, young one."  He sank down again.

Xander smiled at the watching people.  "Poseidon."  He beamed.  The dog barked so he looked.  "Oh, hey," he said.  "What's up, Todd."  The merman bubbled.  "Sure, I'll keep that in mind.  This is my husband.  Can you leave these guys alone?"   He nodded and disappeared again.  "Rodney, you guys have a light out underneath and one of the antenna like things is cracked."  Rodney groaned.  Xander walked around the stunned people, running into Carter.  "Hi!"

"Hi," she said with a smile.  "Poseidon?"

He nodded.  "Yup."

"That's good news.  I send Jack the film."  Xander beamed.  "I'll send them to Giles."

"Cool."

"Cam is going with you and John to pick up the rest of your artillery."

"Nope.  Because I'm not going home."  He smirked.  "I've got to head to LA."

"Uh-huh," she said dryly.  "Why?"

"To close down a really disgusting place.  Plus in case Sam and Dean need more backup than Rona."

"No," Cam said.  "You can stop at home first.  That way the dog can rest."

"I was going home after that."

"Sure, they can show up for a cookout tonight," John said as he walked past them.  "Breakfast?"

"Food?" Xander said, perking up.  "Caffeine?"

"Yup."

"What was that?" Rodney shouted.

"Poseidon," Xander called back.  "He's a nice guy when you don't piss him off."  He looked at the dog.  "Food?"  She barked and followed the daddy to the food.  John made Xander get real food and coffee, then more coffee when he inhaled it.  Rodney stomped in and stared at them.  "It was nice of him," Xander said when he spotted him.

"It might have been but he disappeared."

Xander gave him a confused look.  "Why would he stay?"

Rodney groaned, smacking himself on the forehead and stomping off.  The dog jogged after him to nuzzle him then came trotting back.

"That was nice of you, Muffin," John said, petting her.  He let her have a few more pieces of sausage.  "LA?"

"Yeah, since they busted the restaurant in London, I figured I'd show the nice agents I know in LA about that one."

"They might like that.  Woolsey, what did O'Neill want us to do today?"

"Settle back in, go over the systems to make sure it's working and solid.  The shield went down?"

"We had some ghostly images and a really bright tower light."

"Crap."

"The cops caught us handling the other two demons," Xander told him.  "They told their people to please don't make people panic."

"Even better!"  He looked at the dog.  "Is she eating all the sausage?"

"No, just mine," John said.  He handed her some of Xander's eggs.

"I think we might have a can of dog food around here," Woolsey sighed.  The dog pounced him, knocking him down to lick him.  "What are you doing!" he complained.

"She's happy that you thought of her," Xander said with a smile.  "Muffin?"

The cafeteria worker brought out a paper plate of wet dog food.  The dog got off Woolsey to follow her, lapping her before digging in.

"Thank you," Xander said, smiling at her.

"It's no problem.  She has better manner than some of the scientists."  She went back there.  "There's new eggs just put out."

John took their plates to get seconds.  Since Muffin had eaten half of his and Xander needed more since he hadn't eaten lunch or dinner yesterday.  Xander beamed and dug in.

"I'm going to gag on the sweetness," Woolsey muttered as he left them alone.  "Sheppard, those get shrunk again or they go in the armory."

"Fine.  We can shrink them again," he told Xander, who beamed.  "We'll meet you at home in about three hours?"

"Sure.  Pick up something to put on the grill?"

"Yeah, I can do that."  He dug in, watching Xander.  He'd have to break him of the desire to go solve all the wars since it wasn't really his fault.  Not that he wouldn't feel the same.

***

Xander walked into the FBI office, smiling at the agent that had questioned him.  "Want to see something really gross you guys will hate?"

"Does it involve weapons or drugs?"

"No, living victims."

"Yes, I do."  He grabbed his jacket and Xander took him down to a restaurant.  They were closed but they were carrying in people.  "What are they doing with the cadavers?"

"They're not dead.  That's a flesh eaters restaurant."

"Demon?"

"I'd assume so.  I don't know many human cannibals that eat out.  But you have seen one star eating there in the news."

Don got out of the SUV and snuck closer to peek in the windows.  What he saw made him nauseous.  He snuck off calling his people.  They showed up with lights, sirens, and with the health department.  They rushed in and some agents puked.  Others wanted to shoot people.  They all agreed it was disgusting.

Don's boss and the head of the health department stomped over to him where he was outside fighting the stench of dead flesh.  "How did you know about this?" the head of the health department asked.

"One of the people who would've been at the invasion if he had been local enough told me."  He kept himself from puking, backing away.  "Sorry, stench."

"We understand," the health department person said.  "Those are demons?"

"Most likely.  He did say that he saw a star eating here in the news."

"That's disgusting," his boss decided.  "Good job."  He walked off.

"Thank you.  We had noticed a sudden fleeing of the homeless in certain areas of the city and had wondered."  He left.  "Oh, Agent Epps, lemon juice takes that off you."

"Thank you for that."  He looked but Harris had disappeared.

***

Xander came out of the portal to LA, looking at the watching demons.  He turned on the tv and pointed.  "They got the one in London too."  He beamed.

"What did the flesh eaters do to you?" the bartender complained.

"The IOA," he said dryly.

"Never mind!" he said, backing away.  "They bothered your husband."

"They tried to screw with my pack."  Everyone stared at him.  "How many of you know I get possessed really easily?"  They all nodded.  "Hyena, tenth grade?"  They all groaned and some money and cats changed hands.   "Speaking of money, poker debts?"  They all groaned.  "Two weeks, guys.  I've got to spoil the husband because I fucked up last night."

"He forgave you," John said from his seat at a poker table.

"If you're sure."

"But pay him in something besides artillery, please.  Otherwise we have to confiscate it," Cam told him.  He and Sam were learning from someone else.

"Hey, Spike," Xander said.  He walked over.  "Don't play that card, Sam."  He looked at them.  "Weren't you guys going to figure out what we were grilling?"

"Daniel did," she said with a smile.  "You done?"

"Yeah, that place is down."

Cam looked at the tv, grimacing.  "Yuck."

"Very.  And now some star is going to freak out because she ate there."  He walked off.

John caught his hand.  "Give me some luck before I have to go adopt a cat to pay them."

Xander looked at his hand.  "Have you discarded?"

"Not yet.  This is the crappiest hand."

"Yeah, it is.  But then again the dealer cheats all the time."  He pointed.  "Those three."  The cards were exchanged.  John smirked at him.  Xander smiled back.  "So I make a decent luck token?"

"All you need is the slinky dress like the ones in Vegas wear," he taunted bak.

"I can't imagine me in a slinky dress, John.  Tony maybe.  He has the legs for it."  He started to walk away but John pulled him back and sat him next to him.  The demons shrugged at that.  "Okay."

"That way you can't go hide things."  The dog barked at them.   "It's okay, we'll go soon, Muffin."  John Winchester came out of the portal.  "Winchester."

"Hey," Xander said.  He petted his dog.

"What the...."  He looked around.

"Peaceful demon bar, John.  What's up?"

"The girls in London are high."

"From getting the flesh eating restaurant?"

"I don't know.  They did?"  Xander pointed at the tv.  He watched then shuddered.  "Eww."

"Very, which is why I told them," Xander agreed.  He smiled.  "Any other news?"

"No, not yet.  What are they doing?"

"Kitten poker," Xander said.

"I don't need to know," he decided with a sigh.  "Spike, the girls want you back."

"In a few."  He looked at Xander.  "There's another problem in the area."

"Which?"

"Something else in the water?"

"We saw Poseidon."

Spike blinked at him.  "How in the bloody hell do you get into those things!" he demanded.

"I was barely awake.  He showed up to tell us they won't be fighting in his waters."

"That's good to know," John decided.  "Was that the problem, Spike?"

"Possibly."  He was still giving Xander funny looks.

"After working with him and even living in his apartment, you're still surprised at what he can get into?" John asked without having to look.  The demons laughed.  "He said he talked to the other water denizens.  They won't be fighting in the water."

"Excellent news," John decided, pulling Spike with him.  He'd save the tamed vampire this time.  Before they both lost their minds about whatever Xander got into this time.  They went to be pouted at by the youngest slayers, which would save a little bit of their sanity since they wanted a pet.  Spike handed them his last kitten from the poker game.  They cooed and left them alone.  Buffy glared at them.  John turned on the tv and pointed.  "Xander did it."  She watched then walked off nodding and holding her head.

Xander grinned at his mate.  "I like that look on their faces."

"Clearly," he said dryly.  He took a kiss.  "Behave and we'll go cook."  He let Xander tell him to dump a card he wanted to keep but the next one was very good and a wild card.  He won two cats but let them keep them.  "The dog might get attached."

"The city could use a few pets," Cam teased.

"We have six cats thanks to the mother cat," John said dryly.  "You didn't see the tabby in the lab, Carter?"

"I did but I decided to ignore it."

"She swam out."

"I figured someone had smuggled her in," Cam said dryly.  "The kittens were cute.  They tried to attack Ronon's hair in the gym."

"Did Woolsey see them?" John complained.  "We've been ignoring telling him."

"He had a small blood pressure spike but O'Neill laughed and said she had swum out, to get her fixed before there were more kittens, and the first time one got hurt he'd steal them for the main base and some allies," Sam said with a smile.  "Then Woolsey went to the infirmary to lay down and make sure he wasn't having a stroke."

"She swum out," John defended.  "She's Rodney's cat and the shrink's her other mother."

"There is pet therapy," Cam said with a shrug.  "Jackson pointed that out."

"Yeah, that's what broke Woolsey," Sam agreed.  She folded.  Cam won the hand and had them send the cat to O'Neill.   They left, going with the boy.  "So, Xander.  We saw your closet.  Very nice machine gun you can't have."

"It was a present."

"Tough," Cam said.

Xander looked at him.  "Are you playing bad guy so I can't pout at John?"

"Yup.  It's me or Gibbs, kid."  He clapped him on the back.  They walked in to find O'Neill at the grill, Daniel in the kitchen, and the dog headed to water a tree.   "So, this closet...."

Xander huffed but took them that way.  "Blessed paintballs," Sam read.  "Good idea, Xander."

John looked at her.  "There's a lot of good ideas in his head."

"You're so sappy," Sam teased.  "Was last night good?  We heard you guys got a bit loud."

"I did?" Xander asked innocently.

"No, he did.  One of his neighbors complained and got told it was a conjugal visit after a battle.  They decided they wanted to see their own spouse."  She looked.  "Not the bigger vault?"

Xander moaned, opening the trap door for her.  "See?  Nothing."

John looked at him, shaking his head.  "Nice try."  He smirked.  "Floor vault?"

"Floor vault?" Xander asked innocently.

"Muffin, let's load up for hunting," John said.  She barked and bounced over, pawing at the floor vault.  "Good girl!  Yeah, that's what I want."  He found the release latch and opened it, staring at the row of little shrunken boxes.  She pawed at one.  He took it out to look at the markings on it.  "Yeah, I like that one too.  We can use that."  He tossed it to Cam.

Cam read it then looked at the kid.  "How in the hell?"

"Poker debt," Sam said, looking at him.  "They said you were a shark."

"Wellllll...."  He shrank back, running into O'Neill.  "What's for dinner?"

Jack looked at the box, holding out a hand.  He read the side then swatted the kid hard.

"Ow!  You learned that from Gibbs!"  He rubbed the back of his head.

"Yes I did.  It's very handy," Jack said.  He walked over to look in the vault then at the kid.  "How much did they owe you in poker debts?"

"Um, about a thousand kittens?"  Muffin barked.  "Maybe a few more.  I don't make them pay me with artillery."

"No, but they know you enjoy weapons," Cam said with an evil smirk.  He looked at John.  "Have you ever considered spanking?"

"No, I don't think it'd help."  He stared at his mate.  "Well?"

"Well what?" he defended.

John smirked.  "No artillery.  They can arrest you for that.  We'd hate to bail you out.  Gibbs might not let Tony bail you out.  So let me hold the hunting closet.  I won't get in trouble.  You won't get in trouble.  We won't lose you to prison.  You can get it back whenever you need it.  I promise I won't complain if you need some of it unless you want to blow away someone who irritates you in traffic or something.  Please?" he asked more quietly.

Xander sighed.  "That'll leave me without things."

"It won't.  You can get it from me."

"I can't make it to the city and then back to the emergency."

"I can have it beamed to you if it's that desperate," he assured him.  "Right, General?"

"I think that'd be a good thing, yeah."  He stared at Xander.  "Your choice.  Gibbs said it's gone or he's tossing you in a cell."

Xander groaned, patting something on the wall.  It unhid the other two floor vaults and another case against the wall.  That one had guns.  The other floor vaults had money and other things.  John found the passport in it.  "Theft risk with the demons."

"Can't they find this?" Cam asked.

"No, it's higher magic," John said, staring at Xander.  "You're seriously scary yet impressive.  Not even Ronon can be this scary and impressive."  Xander gave him a hesitant look.  "That's a good thing."  He gave him a hug.  "Anything else?"

"If I tell you...."

"I'll definitely spank before we give you to Gibbs when I find them."  Xander groaned.  "C'mon.  I'll give you a nice reward," he offered.

"I'll be without anything I might need," he complained.  "If I'm in the middle of a fight even beaming it might not get it there fast enough."

"I'd hear," John pointed out.

"If I'm going to start having visions from them I'll have to block you out so you're not affected."  They heard Tony's opinion and he countered it.  Tony shot back that he'd never get to visit him in jail.  Plus that it'd hurt his and John's job.  Xander growled at that threat.  Tony got him calmed down but John was backing him up.  "I can't!" he told John.

"You'd better.  He's right."

Xander glared at him.  "I've had some of them for years."

"That was Sunnydale.  This is the rest of the world.  You showed your gifts a few too many times," John said bluntly, staring him down.

"I get his point," O'Neill said.  He didn't want to witness a full blown domestic argument between those two.  "Yes, in the middle of a fight it might take too long to get it to him.  Then again," he told Xander.  "You can pack before battles.  You'd do it anyway.  You probably over pack, the same as we do."

Xander stared at him.  "Half of them I run into.  Usually without warning."

John squeezed his eyes shut and concentrated.  The rest of the hidden symbols popped up.  He patted them and looked around.  He looked at his mate.  "We will be packing you a kit, for the car," he said calmly.  "We'll pack you a good kit.  You can have anything you need but artillery and if you need it, you'll let me know.  Because right now I'm not sure if I'm scared or impressed."

Xander stared at him.  "I might need more than that.  It's not like you hunt, you don't know what I carry with me."

"I've seen your kit."

"That's only half of what I carry."

"So we'll look at the whole thing," Jack said tiredly, looking at him.  "Poker debts?  Really?  All this?"

"Not all of them have weapons."

"Yeah," Daniel said, smiling at him. "You can make a lot of things into weapons, Xander.  We love that about you."  He patted him on the back.  "John, take him out to grill while we look."

"But....  They're like my kids," he sighed.

Cam looked at him.  "Seriously?" he asked, giving him an odd look.

"It's not like he had pets before," John defended.

"I've seen others," Jack said to break up the argument.  "Ronon's the same way after all the time he spent living on his wits and weapons.  Teal'c too sometimes but he's got a family."

"This is actually perfectly normal behavior," Daniel agreed.  "It's rational for what he's done in his life.  I'm impressed he found someone to shrink it for him.  I'd guess a lot of this was carried with him to Africa."

"I had to get Willow to send my pack so I didn't have to bring it through Customs," Xander admitted.

"Which, again, totally reasonable," Sam agreed, looking at Cam.  Who threw his hands up and walked off shaking his head.  "If all you had to rely on was Buffy, Willow, Angel, and maybe a few other friends, plus whatever you could make, steal, or borrow to save your life, you'd do the same thing, Cam."

He came back.  "I know I can depend on myself and my own skills."

"What skills?" Xander snorted.  "Everything I have is because of a possession."

Cam stared at him.  "That's either seriously fucked up low self esteem or he should paddle you for putting yourself down."

"Cam," Sam warned.  She gave him a pointed look.  "There's a ton of stuff you don't know."  She patted Xander, making him relax slightly.  "He had a good family," she said in his ear.  Xander shook his head, walking off.   "John?"  He nodded, following him.  She glared at him.   "Do you realize how many of his cohort group he saw killed?" she hissed.  "Even without knowing why.  His graduating class was just over a hundred.  It started at over six hundred."  He shuddered, backing away.

"He had parents that were bad enough I wanted to track them down to beat them," she hissed.  "His school was full of evil little toads who treated the kids like farm animals.  He was learning things that I got in middle school in high school."  He slumped.  "He jumped into a war without training, without any sense of what he was in for, unlike us when we volunteered.  We got training, weapons training, and a lot of other things that he had to learn on the job.  With girls who thought he was too normal to help and kept shoving him away even when he saved their asses."

"I've seen guys that have had their whole team shun them because they were a bit weird," Cam admitted.

"Did it look familiar?" John asked from behind him.  "Xander took Muffin for a run."

"Can you still hear him?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah, his mind's in turmoil.  He's having flashbacks to them.  He's still blaming himself for this whole situation."  He looked at Cam.

"Do not even glare at me.  I don't know anyone like this."

"I do.  He and Ronon are like scary brothers."  He looked at Jack.  "He's doing the three mile loop."

"We can clean the weapons out in that time," he promised.  "We'll sort out a quick pack, a hunting pack, and groups of things to send him later on.  With his input."

John nodded at that.   He stared at something and pointed.  "That's a self destruct."

Jack groaned, packing everything while Sam and Cam disabled that.  The pile of little boxes was like Christmas.  Sam pulled out a mini camera to check around the spaces, pulling out more trays of little boxes of weapons.  John didn't watch because it would bleed back to Xander.   Jack stared then nodded.  They packed it up and Sam took it to do an inventory.  Cam went with her before the kid blew up at him.  "It's clear."

John came back.  "We sure?  I really don't want to have a felon for a spouse."  Xander told him something.  He sent back what he was thinking.  Xander groaned then growled and he winced as he attacked the vampire who was trying to taunt him.  "He, of course, just got attacked."  He jogged out, heading for where he was.  They all jogged together when they were all home.  On the way he got a branch and got it while Xander struggled.  "Hi," he said.  Muffin barked at him.  Xander panted, staring at him.  "Welcome?"

Xander punched him on the arm.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem.  I know you can handle it most of the time.  You simply forgot a stake."  He stared at him.  "Really, must you?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, I do."

"Make a deal with me?  Get a hunting kit?  Just solidly pack one?  We'll help you.  We don't want to make the job any harder than it is."  He moved closer.  "Please?"

"I..."

"You have enough tactics to get around not having enough weapons on hand immediately.  You know damn well that even if you've blocked us, you can still break through it and yell."

"Actually, I can't with this stuff."

"Then we'll make sure you can."

Xander stared at him.  "I still have to be there."

"It wasn't your fault!" he reminded him.  "It could've been anyone!"

"But it wasn't, it was me."

"It was us," he corrected.

"It was me.  I started it.  You came up to try to stop me."  He looked around.  No one was around.  "You didn't have to.  You wouldn't have hurt them."

"Bullshit."  He stared at him.  "Did you ever think that we all have these guilts?  Hell, I helped wake up the wraith," he said quietly, glancing around.  "By accident.  We all have something if we're soldiers."

"This is my second," he said, looking down.

"I don't care if he had his soul, it was the right thing to do," John said firmly.  "I don't care if it hurt her or not.  He started it, his blood had to finish it, and I'll be damned if you're going to blame yourself for doing what needed to be done."  He moved closer, making his husband look at him.  "I would've done the same thing.  Cam too.  Sam and Daniel and Jack too.  Ronon would've probably taken him out himself," he admitted, making Xander give him a weak smile.  He petted the dog's head when she nudged his hand.  "No one blames you for that," he said calmly, making his mate stare at him.  "Even if Buffy does, that's because she was being emotional about it."  Xander shrugged.  "If we asked Dean and Sam, what would they say?"

"I should've done it for him long before she did.  Probably when she failed to get him in the mall after the Judge."

"Did you ask?"

"Sam and I got a bit lit and talked about it," he admitted.  "He suggested I do the mansion while he was sleeping."

"It's not a bad tactical solution.  Might've gotten you in more trouble though."

"Probably, yeah.  Unless I could've blamed it on methane demons."

John smiled.  "Now, can we go work out packs?  That way you have a good hunting pack, one that won't make me worry or a widow?  Plus packs for my office so I can send you things right off."  Xander opened his mouth.  "O'Neill agreed with that."  Xander closed his mouth.  He took a kiss.  "So, just calm down, please?  Is there anything else hidden?"

"Go home!" someone shouted.  "Make out there!"

"We have military guests!" John called back.  They huffed off.  He looked at his spouse.  "I don't want to ask for conjugal visits in a prison, Xander.  I'd rather bring you back to my room."

"Your bed's tiny."

"We can all fit," he said with a smug look.  "The kid can sleep on the balcony."  He petted her.  She barked and lapped his hand before sniffing around the dust pile and growling.  John looked.  "It's dead, Muffin."  He saw something move.  "Okay," he said, putting in his comm.  "We're at the park up the street, just below the circle back to the main road.   Come see this huge worm," he said dryly.  "That was in a vamp."  Jack choked and spluttered.  He looked at Xander.  "Any others?  You know Tony's going to have to nark."  Xander sighed but nodded.  "Where?"

"Warehouse of the guy who shrinks it for me.   A few more hidden around the house.  One I was fixing by the forge."

Cam came jogging up, staring at the pile of dust.  "Damn it!" he complained.

"Yeah, exactly," John agreed.

"I've, um, seeing a lot of those recently?" Xander said hesitantly.  "Six or seven.  I've always burned them," he defended when Cam stared at him.

"All in the same area?"

Xander nodded.  "Yeah.  Is that the snake thingy that we heard rumors about?  Because I'm not sure a vamp would work for that.  Doesn't it have to be a living body?"

"Unless they adapted to the vamp virus," John said.  "The thing in the blood that turns, that acts like a retrovirus?"  Xander nodded.  "Okay.  So maybe the queen that did it got hold of some or they're adapting to remain hidden?" he guessed.

"There's a huge underground community," Xander said.  "And better hosts than vampires.  I'm surprised the demon doesn't mind them."  He considered it.  "We need to find another one."

"Later," Cam ordered.  He stabbed the gou'ald larva.  Muffin panted and wagged her tail at that.  He smiled.  "Good to know you approve, dog.  C'mon, let's get home."  He looked at Xander.  "I get that they're your lifeline, Xander.  I shouldn't have said that."

"It's cool.  No one understands.  Even John and he's in my head."  John swatted him.  "Did you pick that up off Tony?"

"Yup."  He took the leash and they walked off.  "One by the forge?"

"Daniel found it," Cam promised.  "Sam found another six around the house with a sensor."

"You're missing two then," Xander said.  "Bedroom?"

"You keep one in your bedroom?" John asked.

"How often are people attacked while they sleep?"

"Good point."  He cleared up the confused look, shaking his head.  "Plus a warehouse where the guy that's doing it for him uses."

"Sure," Cam agreed.  "Xander?"

"Must I?"

"Yeah.  You can have it back for use but not to hold.  Like your birthday present."

"I never see my present."

"It's in my room hiding as a seat."

"Is that what that was?" Xander asked him.  John nodded, smirking at him.  "Muffin looked good modeling on top of it."

"She's not the show model that would make me buy something," Cam quipped.

John laughed.  "For some things but not weapons.  I want scantily clad bikini girls."

"They never talked to me," Xander said with a small shrug.  "I don't get the pretty ones."

"He's plenty pretty," Cam told him.

Xander smirked.  "He is.  I'm very lucky since I'm not pretty."

"You're fairly pretty," John said.  "Even with the eye patch."  He smiled.  "Tony's our pretty one."

"So we're agreed, we'll let him play luck and put him in the slinky Vegas dress and heels?" Xander teased back.

"Sure."  Tony complained at that thought.  "It'd even help those people who don't want us all to be men.  Like the aunts."

"You guys are sick," Cam told them.

"Tony was bred for pretty," John said.  "People in that group usually are."

"Or they have surgery," Cam reminded him.

"Maybe his mother but not him."  He heard his comm come on.  "Evan, what's wrong?"  He listened.  "No, he can't touch them.  Because we're in the middle of an apocalypse?"  He smiled.  "Tell him they'll bite.  Plus he's going to need them back."  He listened to Lorne tell him that.  "You know what, tell him to get the hell out of my office and get any back, Lorne.  Because if he touches it again, the next battle, I'm bringing him with me.  By force if I have to."  Lorne said that and Woolsey called all those back.  "Thank you.  We'll be back later or tomorrow.  General's decision.  Need anything?  Sure, I can pick you up a copy of that.  Or look in my room beside my bed.  That's fine.  Make sure the present's still in there."  He hung up.  "Woolsey wanted to claim all of it for our armory."

"O'Neill's ready to hand him back to whoever Rayne gave him to last night," Cam said.  They walked in through an open wall.  "General."  He looked over from the grill.  Cam held up the snake on his knife.  "He's seen a few of them."

"Damn it," he muttered.

"We're not sure why," John admitted.  "We were thinking about finding one and asking, sir."

"Please do."  He looked at Xander.  "Don't you dare pout at me.  I get enough of that from Danny."

"Need the bonding spell?" he asked.

Jack glared at him.  "Not.  Cute."

"John said I am."

John nudged him with an elbow.  "He spent years denying that rumor.  Now Cam is."

"I heard that rumor.  Repeatedly."

Cam groaned.  "Not true.  I like cute girls.  Bouncy breasts, that sort."

"I know a few or I can introduce you to my bikini rollerblading neighbors," Xander offered.

"I might take the introduction to the neighbors."  He sat down.  "How have we sorted it?"

"It's going well.  Carter found a few stolen things."

"Lorne had to stop Woolsey from taking the stuff in my office," John said.

Jack came in to get his comm earpiece, walking off once it was in his own ear.  "Major Lorne, O'Neill.  Get Woolsey.  Then cover your ears.  You're too young to hear what I'm going to yell at him."  Evan handed it over and walked off.  Woolsey was complaining about that.  Jack let out a growl at him and let him have it, closing the sliding doors so no one else had to be fumed at.  Woolsey gave it up.

John leaned out.  "I told him if he took it, I was bringing him to the next battle we had to be in."  He took his earpiece back.  "Woolsey, they're being held because we've got at least three apocalypses we think coming up.  No, no prophecy.  Higher powers going to battle.  The last time, there was a very pretty city in the vineyards of the Sahara.  Yes, that Sahara.  And that was two fighting.  We have four at the very least.  Good, I'm glad you're going to leave it alone.  Later, after dinner.  After we find a vampire with a larva.  Yes, one of those. No, we found one earlier.  We're going to find out where they're coming from, then I'm bringing my team and Lorne's team to fix it."  He listened.  "Good!  Sorting it out into different packs so he has what he needs at critical times."  He hung up and looked at the general.

"We're going back tomorrow.   After we get all those set up.  DiNozzo will be here in about an hour or so.  Gibbs wanted to see the pile."  Xander moaned, laying down on the couch.  "Vision?"

"He heard you."

"Good!  Next time, give it directly to you."

"Not all of it was weapons."

"No, some of it was in cash and other things he could probably use.  We don't mind that.  Just tell them no more artillery."  John nodded, going back in there to comfort Xander.  Jack smiled.  He made a good husband most of the time.  Though he'd hate to see those three really fight.  Xander was a smartass and could lash out.  So could John.  The only worse one would be including McKay.  He turned the ribs.

***

Tony walked into the demon bar on the way home.  Gibbs was behind him.  "Guys?"  Everyone stared at him.  "You all know I'm Xander's other husband, right?"  They all nodded.  "You guys pay him in artillery *ever* again and this guy, my boss, is going to make me arrest my husband.  With the current schedule of apocalypses, you guys will die too and I'll have prison visits.  So can we *please* not pay my spouse in weapons ever again?  If you absolutely must, give it to John or John's people.  They can legally hold it since he's military."

One raised his hand.  "Current apocalypses?"

"You didn't hear the old Powers That Be fled, new ones took over, and now they want their old job back?"

"Who're the new ones?" one asked, wincing.

"Xander's ex, Cordelia.  Used to work with Angel as his seer and then the Messenger.  And Whistler."  That got a few more winces.  "They've got the slayers and Xander, plus most of the rest of us behind them.  It'll hopefully be okay, but....  Even if he needs it, it goes to John.  We just had to empty out his stashes.  Anyone who presently has any of Xander's weapons, give them to John.  Okay?  Please?"  The demons all grumbled and nodded.   "Thank you.  Have a good night."  He and Gibbs walked out.

"So that was a demon bar?"

"One with a peacefulness clause.  Xander plays kitten poker there."  He smiled.  "They were paying kitten debts in artillery and cash."  He got in to drive since he knew where they were going.  He parked and got out, walking inside.  John smirked at him.  "What?  Making myself plain before I have to arrest him."  He kissed Xander, staring at him.  "See, that way he can still hold it for you."  He took another kiss.  "Dinner?"

"Jack."

"Cool.  Hey, General, there enough for us?"

"Yeah.  Then we're going to lose Sheppard and Xander to finding out why some vampires have some extra beings in them."

"I heard that conversation."  He shuddered.

"Do I need to know?" Gibbs asked.

"Some vamps have gou'ald, boss."

"Why?"

"Because no one is going to check their stomachs," Jack said dryly.  "Kids, come eat."

Tony carried out plates, going to sit with his husbands and eat.  They needed to cheer Xander up again.  Muffin came over, sitting and staring at him.  "What?" he asked, tossing her a piece of cheese.  She barked and caught it in midair, then went back to begging the nice general person.   At least until she smelled that stupid demon.  She ran out front, barking and growling.

Tony got up and went out there.  "What's up?  Muffin, sit."  She sat, snarling at the demon.

"There is truly a war?" the demon asked, staring at the dog.  "She is very attentive."

"She's like our kid," Tony said.  "And yes there is."

The demon stared at him.  "Why did they flee?"

"The pawns tried to prove they weren't and fought back."

"That would take a lot of energy to scare them.  Was it Rosenburg?"

Xander came out.  "No, it was me."  The demon gave him a horrified look.  "The whole marriage thing was their plan to ruin the slayer and chosen lines."

"Gay marriage would ruin them?" the demon asked, shaking his head.

"No, but having us turned afterward would," Tony said.

"But...that one cannot be turned.  The mermaid taint would not allow it."

"That's okay, they all think I'm my friend Jesse, who died during the Harvest."  The demon cackled.  "Yeah.  And they expected me to be like Dean Winchester."  The demon rolled around.  Muffin gave it a funny look.  "So now they're trying to get back."

"The warrior born?" he asked, making himself get up.

"Would've been great if they hadn't had the wrong people.  Instead, John Winchester came back to guard the youngest slayers.  It was screwed before I got pulled before anyone can say it."

The demon stared at him.  "If we ask politely, would you possibly warp a prophecy about a child coming to be on another realm?"

"I can look at it and see if it can be."  The demon nodded, hurrying off.  Xander looked at his dog.  "See, he was nice.  Not all their sort are mean.  But good job defending the house, Muffin.  Go get treats."  She ran inside to jump on John and steal his dinner.

"Hey!" John shouted.

Xander snickered, going in to save their plates.  John took half of theirs in payment for that mean stunt.  Jack came out to give them seconds.  They were growing boys who had a lot of activities planned for later.  Both before and after the hunt.

The End.

Chapter 14: Hunting The Horribles

Gou'ald in vampires?  Yeah, it's like that.  R for Violence rating.

John walked back into his office, looking at the nice hanging organizer full of little boxes.  "Thank you, Lorne," he called.  "That works real well."

He leaned in with a smile.  "I thought it might since they won't all fit in your desk.  They're all labeled too in case you need to toss one to him suddenly."

"We promised we would."  He looked at him.  "Can you gather Woolsey, my team, your team, and make sure Teyla isn't eating?  O'Neill's coming to brief about something we found out."  He nodded, calling to gather them.

Woolsey came in.  "Why am I being included?"

"Because it's important for the city's safety."  He grabbed two things and walked out.  "General."

"Good," Jack said, counting noses.  Ronon and Teyla came in last.  "Yesterday, we found out something very interesting yet disturbing."

"Harris has *more* weapons hidden?" Lorne asked with a smirk.

"No, and Tony told the local demon club that if they had to pay him in artillery to give it directly to me," John told him.

"No, we found something even worse.  The Gou'ald have decided to hide.  The ones that made it down here included a queen."

"That sounds bad," Teyla said.  "That's the parasite that lives in the stomach, correct?"  Jack nodded.  "It takes over the host?"

"It does but the larva first have to mature," Jack said.  "Which means they have to have something like a Jaffa host.  They're not taken over but it gives them a longer life, better healing, all that good stuff."  Everyone nodded at that.  "The problem is we found one inside a vampire."

Lorne burst out laughing.  "General, good joke."

John shook his head.  "I staked it."  Everyone groaned.  "We tracked down another last night to question it."

"The queen is in LA," he announced.  "There's another queen in Colorado.  We'll be dealing with it with Mitchell's team."

"So guess what we get to do," John finished grimly.

"Please tell me that the gou'ald can't take over other species?" Woolsey asked.

"There's a few species that would make excellent hosts," John said.  "Vampires use a very strong underground though.  Weapons, people trafficking, some light drugs.   Yes, she used minions in LA but the head ones aren't dumb."

"So we're going to go staking?" Lorne asked.

"We're going to be backing up the main hunters in LA and making sure every single little larva is dead.  If we find out any normals have been infected, we're to capture for medical intervention.  Subtly, people."

"An average queen can have three ...litters for lack of a better word a year.  She can produce up to a hundred larva at a time."

"A vampire can make 3-5 minions a night," John added.  "Or one childe and they are in minions.  They're less smart, cannon fodder sorts."

"Are we expecting that some are stored and waiting to be implanted?" one of Lorne's team asked.

"Possibly, not real sure since there's over a thousand vampires living in LA," Jack admitted.  "Do we know how to kill a larva if we see one?"

"Right behind the head," Lorne said.  "Or burn the sucker."

"That'll work," Jack agreed.  "I know this isn't your usual thing, guys, but we don't want this to get into the public notice.  Harris has *an* agent he knows and trusts.  I'm going to brief him because he does know about demons already."

"We saw the shutdown of that restaurant," one guy said, turning green.

"I've seen the one in London from Xander's memories," John said.  "It's *so* disgusting and stinks like hell in there."

"My stomach's not that strong," Ronon complained, belching and covering his mouth.

"Not a problem," Jack assured him.  "The team in LA consists of 1 young man who has the status of chosen warrior."

"Connor is stronger, faster, and has vampire parents but is not turned," John said.  "He is a good gauge of what a vampire can fight like if you guys wanted to see if he would spar.  I leave that to you guys.  Also, we'll have a vampire hunting street gang behind us.  Their leader, Gunn, is an integral part of the team.  So is Fred/Illyria."

"Wasn't she mentioned somewhere in ancient mythology?" Lorne asked.

"Yes.  She was a God-King.  Her minions put her into the body of a human and she's now stuck in there.  She's helping out.  Again, stronger, faster, has no idea about gou'ald.  Xander called and asked if she knew anything about them and she said she didn't remember any.  There is one *major* problem.  Their name is Wolfram and Hart.  For those who've been on leave and been approached by the scum sucking lawyers, that's them and they are working on the wrong side of the light totally.  The invasion was some of their people and some others."  They all groaned.  "They are *literally* the law firm for hell.  So anyone who talks to them off base, be very careful and be mindful of that fact.  Please spread that around, Woolsey."

"They have a local office?"

"Yes.  It's that blue and silver building Teyla thought had a pretty sky design."

"Oh, crap.  Them.  They tried to talk to me too.  I said IOA and they backed off."

"Interestingly enough, they're doing the defense of the members that got arrested," Jack said dryly.

"Evil lawyers, who would've thought," Lorne quipped.  The others snickered.  "When are we going?"

"0300.  We'll beam there, recon the area, follow them in just after dawn since they'll be sleeping.  Everyone wears full tactical gear," John ordered.  "Especially around the neck."

One guy raised his hand.  "Crosses?"

"Work on about ninety percent of the species.  If you've got one, wear it if you want.  Make sure it doesn't get tangled or ripped off."  He nodded at that, fingering his.  "Today, get some rest, clean your weapons, grab extra thermal ammo.  We'll be using the live thermal inducing rounds, people.  They are flammable but so is everyone else going.  Be careful, we don't want to start fires."  They all nodded.  "Those who are rated to use swords, go for it and bring one.  Use your gun primarily."

One of the ones from team 8 raised his hand.  "Us, sir?"

"No.  Your team is on guard duty tomorrow since we won't be here."  He nodded.  "They probably won't visit but news of the apocalypse didn't fully hit this coast so there's some panicking going on after Tony announced it at a demon bar.  Also, if anyone comes up to any member of the project and tells them that they're paying their poker debt to someone and hands you artillery, hand it to me.  We agreed that they could pay me if they had to pay him in artillery."  Lorne and a few others laughed.

"Sure, laugh now," Jack said dryly.  "Half the confiscated stuff went to Cleveland.  You guys only got a third of it."  Lorne gaped at John.

"Kitten poker."

Lorne moaned.  "I'm sorry your husband is driving you insane, sir."

"It's that or cats.  I'd rather have the heavy metal babies than the furry ones beyond the dog.  They don't require fed.  Just the occasional pet."  They all laughed at that.  "Any other questions?"  No one said anything.  "Good.  Rodney, make sure Radek can handle the lab for two days.  Guys, backpack for gear and one change."  They nodded.  "Stand down, get some rest, be sure to eat.  I have no idea where we're eating tomorrow."  They walked off talking.  A few went to warn the base gossips about Wolfram and Hart.  He looked at Jack.  "We got a third?"

"I have the rest."   He handed over that bag.

John smiled.  "Lorne made me a hanging organizer."

"That's nice of him."  He smirked at Woolsey.  "Okay, any problems before I hit LA and then DC?"

"Not that I'm aware of.  Will the team in Colorado need backup?"

"They've got three slayers going," John told him.

"Good.  I hope it's an easy hunt."

"That's why we're going during the day."  He walked off to put up his other weapons.

Woolsey looked at Jack.  "Will I have to brief this agent?"

"No.  He knows about demons, he doesn't need to know about the program or the city.  He knows that Xander has a husband who is in a classified project because apparently he wanted to know what had happened in Sunnydale and found his name."  That got a nod.  "We've done a check on him.  His brother nearly got recruited once.  His father's an architect.  He's an agent.  Not a problem."

"Good.  Anything else we have to be aware of?"

"Update the tags on the base-use cars," John called.  "One's tag is nearly expired.  General Landry didn't update the year on them."

"I can check into that.  I have the paperwork in my office," Woolsey agreed.  "Have a good trip, General."

"Take some pepto, Woolsey.  It always helped Hammond."  He got beamed to LA, walking out of the alley and into the federal building.  "I need to see Agent Granger please?"

"He's out on a call, sir."

"Is Epps in?"

"No, sir."

"All right, have one call me ASAP," he ordered, writing down the phone number to the cell he had.  She nodded and paged them.  Jack walked off and his phone rang by the time he got outside.  "Granger, this is General Jack O'Neill.  I'm here to brief you as a head's up.  You and Epps only."  He listened to the quiet question.  "No, it relates back to Mr. Harris' friends.  Your building.  I can do that."  He got into a taxi and headed to the address once he had hung up.  He walked into the small bar and found them at a back table.  One that had a lot of clear area around it.

"Shit, you are that guy that was at the invasion," Colby said.  "Sir."  He saluted.

Jack waved it off with a smile.  "You're retired and I'm not pissed at you."  He sat down.  "Something in the classified project I run, that Harris' husband works on, is being added to the problems that Harris deals with," he said quietly.

"Another really disgusting restaurant?" Don asked.

"No, I wish.  Controlling parasites that're taking over vampires."  Don and Colby both stared at him.  "We found some last night.  Tomorrow, bright and early, some of my people are going to be following Connor Angel's group to deal with it."

"Why tell us?" Epps asked.

"Who'd get called if a bunch of military guys with guns starts stalking around the warehouse district?" Colby asked him.

"Good point.  One day?"

"We think maybe two, we're hoping for one.  They will be using live flare ammo."  Colby shuddered.  "It's the fastest and easiest way.  We're hoping nothing comes to you guys' attention but in case, we're giving you a head's up."

"Thank you.  I'll slip that it's a training exercise if anyone asks or the press notes it."

"That'll work," he agreed.  "I'm not asking you guys to get involved but we're hoping it hasn't spread to humans.  They can and have, originally they were in some humans."

"How would we know if we find one you guys missed?" Colby asked.

"They tend to create stomach pouches.  They're also about as strong and fast as Connor is."

"Okay, so we're sure he's not?"

"Yes.  His is heritage."

"That'll be fine.  If we find one we'll call."

"If the parasite is older, it can make their eyes glow.  If you see that, definitely call one of us."  They both nodded.  "Good."

"Why tell us?" Colby asked.

"Harris," Don Epps said, getting a nod back.  "He said he trusted me."

"He did, and we almost recruited your brother once."  He smirked.  "I like Harris; he's a smartass.  His husband is one of my top colonels."  They smiled at that.  "Also, if you hear of someone wanting to pay Harris in artillery, send them to his husband John.  He's in San Francisco and they can find him up there if they have contacts.  The kid's been stockpiling because we're about to have at least one apocalypse, if not three."

"Here?" Don asked.

"No clue."

"Does he still have weapons?"

"Minor guns, swords.  His husband is keeping the rest for him."

Epps smiled.  "That might keep him out of trouble."

"We hope so.  I like the kid and his dog."  He stood up.  "Let me know if something comes up I need to hear."  He left them alone.

***

Xander walked out of the portal at the bar, looking back.  "Wow, they're uptight."  He shouldered his pack and carried the other bag, the dog following him.   He got a taxi and headed to the Hyperion.  The driver didn't bat an eye at a guy with bags coming out of a bar at 2 am.  Long live LA!

Gunn looked up when he and the dog walked in.  "Harris."

"Gunn."  They shook hands.  "Do we have intel on their breeding grounds?"

"Three different areas.  A few humans we've already quarantined."

"Cool beans.  John and his people are due in about 3."

"That'll be fine," he agreed.  "What did you bring?"

"Hunting kit, food for the dog, food for the Xander.  Something for John that I was working on yesterday and earlier."  He smiled.  "The demon bar where I am is all but closed.  Totally locked up earlier.  I had to break in to use the portal.  Tony told them about the Powers thing going on and they all fled."

Gunn pulled out a notepad and added that to it.  "Any of the ones in the city itself?"

"I talked with Oakland's council earlier.  They're nervous but they think the protections on the bay will protect them.  The one in San Fran too but they've been sending more vulnerable people to the midwest."

"Less demon areas there," Gunn agreed.  "Less chance of the Powers going at it too."

"Yup."  He put the bags on the table and looked around.  "Asleep?"

"Yup."

"Cool.  Let me crash on a couch.  Let John wake me when he gets in."

"Sure."  He watched the boy lay down, looking over the list of places where demons were fleeing.  He added the notes about Oakland and San Francisco to it.   They all knew the Bay had a lot of protection for some reason.  And now a holy city that demons were in awe of.  He looked up as the military guys appeared.  "Damn that's handy."

John smirked.  "Sometimes, yeah."  He spotted the dog on Xander's chest, both snoring.  "Aww."  He looked at Gunn.  "Intel?"

"Three probable location," he said, pulling out the maps.  "He said for you to wake him."

John looked over, thinking at Xander.  Xander mumbled and shifted, making the dog wake up.  She stretched once she was on the floor, coming over to sniff all them.  She barked at her littermates, then nuzzled Lorne, who gave her treats and good ear pets.  She let the daddy pet her then went back to bed.  Silly humans knew it was dark out.  The other daddy wasn't wiggling so it was good to nap on him.

Lorne snickered.  "She's a cute furry kid, sir.  Xander?" he called a bit loudly.  Xander woke with a start.  "We're here."

Xander let the dog have the couch and walked over with a yawn.  "Sorry.  Slept earlier but still a short day."  He dug something out, handing it to John.  "Like mine."

John looked at the pretty dagger.  It had a wrapped handle.  The base of the blade was straight then it tapered out into a more gothic arch shape to the point.  "Sweet."  He put it on his belt.  Xander smiled.  "Anything else good that you brought?"

"Few things.  Including the vest that someone nicely sold me for twenty bucks."  He looked at the maps.  "Which way is easiest, Gunn?"

"I'd say hit this one first.  It's got the greater number and they were having a party earlier so we've got some fledges."  Xander pulled out the air gun system, putting the canister on his waist and wrapping the tubing up under his shirt and down his sleeve.  The trigger was hidden inside.  "Please don't play Rambo?  It makes Connor jealous."

"I'm not.  I can mini stake the yet-to-rise."

"That's not a bad plan," Gunn agreed.  He went over the street view and the warehouse view.  They had some good cover.  Xander went up to annoy everyone else into getting up to join them about five.  They got food ordered in from one of the local 'country kitchen' places that Gunn knew.  Connor grunted at them.  Gunn looked at Connor.  "Not awake?"

"I'm fine," he grunted.

Xander waved and the dog came over, pouncing Connor down to lap him into being happier.  Just like she did Sam Carter most of the time.

"Eww!  Dog breath!" he complained.  "Muffin!  Get off!"  She lapped him again.  "C'mon, please?  I'll quit grunting."  She stared at him.  "You're so strange, dog.  Xander warped you badly."

"She's fine," John said.  "Thank you, Muffin."  She came trotting over to get good ear pets from Teyla for her good job.  "I can't believe you taught her that."

"It makes Sam happy."

"I'm sure it does."  He shook his head even though the others were laughing.

"Maybe you can let someone on base who's a bit irritating have that done to them?" Lorne suggested.

John looked at him.  "Don't tempt me."

"The last time she saw Rodney, she knocked him down and sat on his back," Xander told him.  "It made Radek cackle.  People ran from Radek."

"I'd run from him cackling too," one of Lorne's team said dryly.  "Poochy, you friendly?"  She barked and let him pet her ears.  "You're a good dog."

"Muffin's trained to help me hunt demons," Xander told him.  "She's a very good dog."  She came over to bounce around him, letting him grab some of her treats from the bag.  He even tossed one, making her run to catch it.

"A canine," Illyria said.  "How unusual."

"She's trained to hunt with me, Illryia."

"As I said, unusual."  She watched the dog come back to nuzzle the human parent.  "Is she going with us?"

"Yes," Xander said patiently.  Sometimes he wasn't sure Fred wasn't in there making Illyria be so...British.  Wesley came down.  "Wes."

"Xander.  Muffin," he greeted, letting her sniff him then petting her ears.  "Are we set?"

"Nearly," Gunn said, checking the time.  "We'll go in about thirty, that'll give them an hour to settle in, brush their fangs, that stuff."

Connor snickered.  "With the bad breath some have, I don't think they brush all that often."

"Well, they're dead so I'd expect them to stink at least slightly," Xander offered.  "Especially in the first few days from the corpse decaying germs."

"Eating," John complained, cracking some people up.

"Sorry.  I guess this is like our version of shop talk."  He settled in to nibble on his egg bagel with cheese.  "How's the local community dealing?"

"Half of them headed for Greece to cheer everything on," Connor said.  "Half are scared as hell."

"Why Greece?" Lorne asked.

"The next major thing rising might be there," Xander sighed.  "But she won't because that's one Ethan got told to take care of by Janus."  Lorne gave him an odd look.  "Yes, he's real.  Otherwise I wouldn't have memories from the Vietnam war."  He stuffed his mouth again.

"I thought," Lorne started.

"He took the name," John said.  "Longer than average story.  Ask Jackson."

"No thank you.  He tends to lecture for *hours* on end."  They all smiled at him for that.  "Hey, I've only heard, never been the victim of one."

"Daniel lectured me all night one night about pagan altars and not being what they seemed.  So I had Ethan come talk to him."  Xander smiled sweetly at that.  John choked.  Connor gave him a horrified look and even the dog stared at him.  "What?  He was in a happy mood.  He had gotten back at Giles again.  Buffy was huffy about his existence.  Willow was plugged into the Janus network and chained down.  It was nice of him.  They bonded over ancient rituals."  He smiled sweetly at them.

Connor groaned.  "Isn't it your job to make him reasonably normal?" he asked John.  "Everyone says that's a boyfriend's job."

"I try, but I only get so much time off base."  Xander cackled.  "You need more sleep."

"Sorry.  I'll nap later.  I've had a good seven hours though."

"Good.  Gear up," John ordered.  He checked his own vest and gear.  Xander was putting on one.  "Is that missing a panel?"

"Right under my left armpit and one's chipped in the back, but it was cheap.  I can replace those."

"Good point."  He checked it for him.  Xander put on everything else.  "Where... poker debt?" he asked, watching him put on the earpiece and neck microphone.

"Nope, yard sale."  He beamed.  He checked, loading up on weapons and then one final stake inside his vest and then a handgun.  "Okay."

"Must you?" Connor complained.

"Yes, because you're going to be leading them."  He smiled.  "It's all right if I make you feel less than manly, Connor."

"Not hardly, Harris.  I'm plenty manly, thank you."  Gunn and Wesley both snickered.  "What?" he complained.  "I am."

"He and your father used to get into the same sort of baiting arguments," Wesley told him.

"Don't remind me," Xander said dryly. "Besides, I like Connor more.  He's not cryptic, he's not stalkerish, he's a decent hunter, we don't have to worry about soul clauses....  I'd even trust him to date Dawn.  Or if I had a daughter thanks to some demented plan of Willow's again."

"What?" Connor asked.

"The witch tried to do fertility magic on him," Illyria said.  "I felt it happen."

"Yeah, she tried really hard and it didn't get finished," John told him.  "That's why she limps.  Astral injuries."

Gunn shuddered.  "That's so bad."

"But fun," John said with a smirk at Xander, who ducked his head with a slight blush.  "Let's go."  They walked out, getting into the vans Gunn's people arranged.  Once they got there, they formed into teams.  John led the team following Connor in.  Connor snuck very well.  They surprised the vampires lining up the new bodies and moved in.  The flammable rounds worked well.  Xander came in to air shoot little bits of wood into the chests of the newly dead.  A few dusted the rest stayed.  Xander moved off into the shadows, waving.  John's team followed, finding what he was hearing.  A gurgling pool of very nasty looking water.  "Larva," he said.

Xander pulled around his backpack, finding the lighter fluid.  He held it up and John smirked.  "Do we need a count?"

"Nope."  They squirted it and John lit it, getting out of the way.  Xander kicked the plug out so it wouldn't start an electrical fire too.

"Pyro," Gunn said as he walked in.

"Sometimes fire pretty," Xander said dryly.  They watched it burn before leaving.  Xander came back and got one that had been hiding in a sewer drain then followed, shaking his head.  They had left without him so he went hunting the normal way.  Yup, he found a whole group full of them.  In a club.  Aw shit.  He sent that to John, who ordered him to stay put and watch.  So Xander got a bottle of juice from the bartender, who sneered but oh well, and went to watch the floor.  "Disco revival hell," he muttered, spotting some of them.  "Seventies vampires, you can always tell."  He sniffed then sipped his juice.  It was good.  He looked around.  The dog had went with John so that was fine.  The others were rushing around dealing with warehouses.  Xander saw one and she was putting out serious lust.  So why wasn't he affected?  He heard from Tony that it was probably the same reason that he hadn't reacted to Sam Carter that morning.   Or the hyena taint.  Xander shrugged it off and walked down there.  "May I?" he asked, looking her over.

"Puny mortal," she sneered but moved closer.

"Less with the puny or the mortal."  He looked her over.  "Maybe you're not my type after all.  Pretty but not dangerous."  He walked off smirking.  She shrieked and grabbed him, kissing him.  He pulled back.  "Really?  Is that all you have?"

"I have the ability to rule all planes," she said.  "I only need a good king to help me."

"Hmm.  I've heard that before.  Too many women brag."

She raised a hand but he caught it.  She smiled and stroked his cheek with her nails.  "I could be very kind to someone who would use my skills well."

"I'm sure you would."  He looked her over.  "What can you offer me beyond power? Power I can get with many women."

"I can give you immeasurable wealth.  The power to rule stars."

"Excuse me," a cultured, British voice said.  "I believe she's mine."

Xander looked at him and shot him with one of the flammable rounds.  Unfortunately it only burned a huge hole in his chest cavity.  "Really?  You think?"  She gave him a long stare.  He quirked up an eyebrow.  "What?  He was annoying me."

She purred and swayed closer.  "I like a man who likes weapons."

"Thankfully he likes his husband's better," Sam said, shooting her from behind.  "Xander," she chided.

"What?  Not like she was affecting me."  He pointed.  "Yours?"

"Yeah, ours."  She sneered.  "Where's everyone else?"

"They forgot me."

"Oh.  Okay.  Well, we're done."

"All of them?"

"Yeah.  Why?"

"Where's the slayers?"

"Huh?"

"Sam, slayers?"

"No idea what you're talking about, Xander."

Xander relayed that to John, who groaned and said to keep her occupied.  Xander moved closer.  "Dance since we're creating a scene?"

"Sure."  She moved closer.  Xander looked at the guy walking up behind her.  They didn't *quite* get Cam right.  A bit too square jawed.  "Helping?"

"Yup."

"Okay.  We're trying not to make a scene."  He got them off the floor and out of the way.  "So, what's up?"

"Coming to see how your hunting went."

Xander shrugged.  "We found one."

"Good," Sam agreed, looking around.  "Too many tasteless vampires."

"Yeah, well, there's a huge knot of seventies era ones.  They never want to change their style," he said with a point.  She looked and laughed.  Cam shuddered.

John walked up behind them and zatted them both.  "I have no idea who they are, but they did get Cam really wrong," he said.  He smiled at Xander.  "Better?"

"Sure, but I know you're not John."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not, he's swearing in Latin because the dog just saved him and Lorne from a Frolanx."

John glared at him.  "How do you know that?"

Xander smiled.  "If you were really him, you'd know."  That one lunged at him.  Thankfully, he didn't fight as well as John did.  Xander could kick this one's ass.  And did.  It was very helpful.  He looked down at him, barely panting.  "Hi.  Now, who the hell are you?  Tell me now or else."

"Sir, we don't allow domestic disputes," a bouncer complained.

"That's cool because he's not my husband."  He looked up.  "As you very well know, Tommy.  Hi, haven't seen you since you worked the Bronze."

"Hey, Harris.  He's not?"

"No.  The same as the other two aren't them."  He looked but the not Sam was gone.  He shrugged.  "I'll get her later since I tagged her."  Tommy laughed.  "Anyway."  He smiled.  "Here on business, dude.  Snakes in the belly?"

"Few.  You got one earlier."

"I knew that.  Any here?"

"Six, seven dozen."

"Any innocent bystanders?"

"Few more than the snakes."

"Crap.  I was going to pull a Buffy."  Tommy laughed.  He shrugged and kicked the not John again.  John winced mentally and he cooed and patted him on the head.  He sighed.  "Can you...." he said, waving a hand.

"Sure.  We can tie them up."

"Thanks.  I'll be back for them in a bit."  He walked off checking his supplies.  He was running low on bullets.  Yay him.  He found where they were and waved at one of Gunn's guys, making him follow.  "Huge ass club full of problems, man."

"Diego?"

"Yup."

"Yeah, we know.  Can't do anything."

"I can."  He kicked open the door and strode in.  "Bitch, you have my man!" he shouted.  "And I'm not happy!"  She sneered at him.  He shot her.  Lorne groaned.  "I said, get away from my husband.  Now!"  She flinched back.  He kicked her and she hit the wall.  Then she sneered and started to broadcast.  "Pitiful wench," he sneered, lighting something.  He tossed it on her, lighting her clothes.  He moved closer, watching her try to put it out.  "What?  Can't take it?"  He punched her, then kicked her in the jaw.  She screamed.  "Where's my dog while I'm at it?"

"The van," Gunn's guy said.

"Cool."  He stepped on her chest, pressing down.  "Give me one reason why I shouldn't vent on you."

"I can help you rule the world," she promised.

"I've already got four species that're scared shitless of me.  Why do I need your pitiful species?"

"I'm not pitiful!" she shouted.

"Well, yeah, you are.  Because you use other beings.  I find that pathetic."  He pulled his dagger, making her gasp at it.  "Pretty, huh?  I made it the other day."  He stared down at her.  "I want the names, locations, and species of all the ones you've infected.  Every last damn one.  Before I lose my temper, woman.  Because I will make your species fear me too."

"You're a tau'ri.  Pitiful, powerless."  He created a ball of light and she shrieked, backing away from him.  "What are you!"

"Better than you at nearly everything but looking like a ho."  He shot her in the stomach pouch.  "Now, I want that list, woman.  Before I do you and make you meet your version of God."

"I will not!"  He pointed the gun at her head.  "Then you won't get anything."

"I'll get it from someone else.  There's plenty that would *love* for me to cancel their debts that way."  She let out a wail then went limp.  Xander shot the snake crawling through her hair. "Sure, I can do that."  He walked over to his spouse, staring at him.  "Clearly, the woman decided you could be led around by your dick, dear."  He got him freed and walked off.  "Going to deal with a club full of vampires."

"Wait, Xander," John called.  "We're coming."  He got free and let Lorne free, hurrying after him with Ronon.  He and Teyla had been on the other team and had regrouped to help them after their objective was done.  He caught up to him. "It's pheromones.  Sorry."

"I know.  Not your fault.  Think we could put Tony into that outfit?"

"I want to see you suggest it," he said dryly.  "Or the one from _Queen of the Damned_."

Xander hummed.  "Maybe.   Has some potential."  Tony growled out a 'shut up and I'm not doing it'.  "Someone's grumpy."

"We'll make him feel better later.  Club full of vamps?"

"Yeah.  Even some stuck in disco."

"Eww."  Xander grinned.  They walked in and there were a lot less people.  "Any idea?"

"Yeah."  He nodded at Tommy.  "Down or out?"

"Out.  Grids."

"Thank you."  Gunn's people took the two hostages.  They gathered the bodies too.  Xander knew, basically, where that club was.  He ran into Gunn and Wes.  "Grids?"

"The club?" Gunn guessed.  Xander nodded.  "Vamp central."

"I know, so was there earlier.  I found a few and a few not-thems too."  He groaned.  "So?"

"Barrio."  He gave him an address.

"Gracias," Xander said dryly, walking off.  "Any extra ammo?  I'm nearly out."

"Not really."

"Shoot.  Artillery?  Did you bring me my babies?"

"Two.  In case it became critical.  Too heavy for a club that might have civilians."

"Damn."  He shrugged.   "Okay."  They hijacked a van, without the dog unfortunately, and drove to the club.  John got to drive this time.  Ronon grunted in displeasure.  Xander looked back at him.  "What?  Upset tummy trouble?"

"Not hardly.  This is foolish."

"No, because I shot one of the queens in the club.  And another pompous ass sort of guy.  Oh, and we had the not-Sam and the not-Cam too then a not-John.  The not-Sam got away but I tagged her with a chemical tracer dot."  Ronon whimpered at that.  "So, yeah, necessary."  He shrugged.  "Watch out for the disco vamps.  They'll turn your stomach."

"Are they scarred or something?"

"No, horrifying clothes.  Really disgusting."  They found the club with a bit of guidance from Xander.  They stared, then they went in. Xander walked in boldly, getting a lot of attention.

"It's not halloween," someone shouted, getting a laugh.  Xander got them with his air hose system.  They dusted up with a scream.

"Really?" he asked dryly.  "You so sure about that?"  He looked at the suddenly staring crowd.  "Some of you know me.  I only want the ones with the extra slimy passengers in their bodies.  This time."  A few shifted.  "The rest of you I'd let run but if I have to check each and every one of you, I won't be happy.  You're cutting into my sex time.  Now, who has a snake in their gut?"  A few got pushed out.   "John, would you please?"

"Gladly."  He came over to check them.

Ronon stared at a few.  "They do too."  They got handed over.  He stared around.  "We will feed him sugar and coffee until he bounces," he noted.  A few started to cry.

Xander pulled out a can of Mountain Dew and opened it, taking a sip.

"Xander, that's cruel," John complained, dusting the last one.

"It's been a few hours since breakfast."  He took another drink.  "I have ho-hos too."  They all stared at him.  "I can eat them and then check people for snakes."  He smiled before taking another drink.  "If I don't get them all, I can't go bounce around with my dog and my husband being fondly tolerant until he cures me of it."

John took the can.  "Don't make me calm you down.  You'll throw my back again like you did after the clean out."  He finished it and looked around.  "Anyone else before we have to check?"  They all stared.

"Okay, let's try this.  Who has an opening on their stomachs?  Everyone check your stomachs.  Does it have an open area on it?  Beyond your belly button?" he asked, talking down to them.  Minions!  Really dumb minions!  Ronon kept from laughing when a few people moaned that they had one and hadn't known.  Xander got them.  "Okay, anyone else?"

"I have something but it's not a snake," one said.  "Wanna check it, Harris?"

Xander stared at him.  "You go right ahead and show us."  He dropped his pants.  Xander looked then shrugged.  "I've seen better on my dog and she's a girl."  He turned around and walked off.  "I'd run from LA, people, Connor's outside."  They screamed and fled.  "Ah, the benefits of a scary reputation," he sighed.  "And really dumb minions."

John nodded.  "Yes, they were."

"My brain is starting to hurt.  Is that sort of stupidity contagious?"

"Only if you're in a frat house, Ronon," Xander quipped.  Connor gave him a dirty look.  "I let the rest flee from you."  He grinned.

Connor sniffed.  "Did you *really* have to have the Mountain Dew?"

"Yeah, they were going to make me check each and every really stupid minion."

"Some looked and realized they had holes in their stomachs," Ronon told him.

"Oh, Goddess," Connor complained.  "I hate that sort."

"Look at it this way.  Some master vamp somewhere will pick them up as helpers sometime.  It'll make him or her easier to take down."

Connor nodded.  "I can see Dru doing that."

"She might like them for being pettable and breakable.  You never know."  He walked toward the van.  "Did we get them all?"

"All but maybe one queen," Gunn said.

"Counting the one I got in the first club?"

"You did?"  One of his boys hissed something at him.  "Yeah, that's her by what we know."  He shook his head.  Xander was very...bad some days.  Strange the rest.  Today he wasn't sure which.  The dog got let out and nuzzled the daddy then bounced around with him for a bit.

"What happened to the not people?" John asked.

"Tied up."

"I'll get someone to deal with them."  He called the base.  "It's Sheppard, get me Landry.  We have at least one not-SG-1 member here in LA under quarantine and a few others.  Three queens down, one bad guy down, looks like Ba'al."  Wesley stiffened but he waved him off.  "Sir.  No, they ran into Xander when he was helping.  No, sir, we had forgotten him when he went back to get another vampire.  Three queens.  One not-Cam and he's not very good.  One not me that's pathetic and whining.  He said he ran into a not-Carter as well.  Yes we do.  LA, sir.  Yes, sir, Hyperion.  Thank you, General."  He hung up.  "He'll come get the quarantined ones as well," he told Gunn.

"That's cool.  Thanks.

"Dean told me about a creature called a skinwalker," Xander said.  "Any chance they are, Wes?"

"No, I doubt that.  They usually take and kill the originals.  How did he meet one?"

"One pretended to be him and killed a bunch of people until he and Sam stopped it."

"Yeah, that's the sort of being we don't want in LA," Gunn decided.  "English?"

"No.  Not probable."

"Good!  I like that answer," Connor said.  He looked at Xander.  "Can you go home now before I suddenly need to find myself a dog?"

"Muffin's a wonderful pet," he defended.  "She loves me, she cuddles, she helps me read, we go for runs.  It's good for a person to have a pet."

"I'm not ready for one yet.  They make you mushy."

"You can ask Willow.  I think she turned Kennedy into a cat recently."

Gunn walked off snickering.  "No thanks," Connor said.  "Please?  We promise we won't molest or touch your husband if you wanted to go back into normal, goofy Xander mode.  You can do that and sleep the rest of today while we see if we need to clean up more sights."  He heard a fight start in the bar and sighed.  "Any innocents?"

"Nope."  He handed him something from his bag, undoing the shrinking band.  "Go for it."

Connor looked, taking off the safety before walking inside and spraying the crowd with the tommy-gun like tooth pick shooter.  They screamed but everyone dusted.   He walked back out.  "Thanks for the toy."

"Welcome."  He smiled at John.  "Andrew."

"Figures."  He walked him and the dog back to the van, getting inside.  "Do we need to find rooms, Connor?"

"No, you guys can have the third floor.  It's empty.  Be as loud as you want calming him down."  The others snickered at that.  "We heard Anya said he was," he complained.

"Not really," Xander said.  "Guys, rest, let the rest of the suckers gather, complain, and let us know how many are left or do we have another target?"

"No, no other target.  Guys, let's go rest."  They nodded.  It was nearly noon, more than time to take a nap since they had been up since about 2.  He looked at Xander.  "Is it just being in LA that made you pull out all the weapons?"

"Ummmm, huh?" he asked.

He smiled.  "You and Connor seem to be a bit competitive with each other."

"No, not really."

"No, he's doing it to out-macho him," Lorne said.  "I don't know why."

"I'm special," Connor said with a smirk.  "I let Xander have his petty macho complex."

"Quit watching Oprah, Connor," Gunn complained.  "Gotta say it, Xander looks much more tough today.  Maybe it's the eyepatch with the bulletproof vest."

Connor glared.  "He is not."

"Hey, I'm only keeping up," Xander said dryly.

"If you say so," John said dryly.  "C'mon."  They drove back to the Hyperion.  He knew what Xander was feeling, that 'I'm the normal one' problem that had come out in the past.  So he'd calm him down for a bit.  Then he'd get to steal a few of them for his later use.  "Anyone injured?" he asked.

"I did bring my smaller kit," Xander offered.  They all stared at him.  "Not like we went to the ER, guys.  Especially not Sunnydale's."

"I got a few scratches," one guy said.

Xander pulled out his medical kit and pointed at a seat.  "Sit conveniently."  The guy did when John nodded.  Xander opened it and helped him out of his shirt.  "Not too bad."  He cleaned, bandaged, and got him a lollipop from the bag in there.  The guy smirked, walking off shaking his head.  Rodney stole one so Xander checked him over.

"I'm fine!"

"That's my line.  You steal it and John'll treat you like he did me the other night when I was hurt."

"No thank you."

"Xander, you're nearly evil today," Ronon complained.

Xander looked at him.  "I am not.  Yet.  Sit."  He pointed at the chair.  Ronon walked off.  Xander grabbed him by his dreadlocks and put him into the chair.  "Teyla, hold him down for me please?  He needs a stitch or ten."  She and John came over to hold him down.  "Big guy, allergic to local?"

"I don't need painkillers."

"Okay."  He pulled on a clean pair of gloves and squatted down.  "On the table."  Ronon huffed but moved.  "Thank you.  That means I don't have to squat."  He delicately stitched the two wounds.  Then he looked up.  "Any others?  You never know what's on their fangs."

"One," he sighed, taking off his vest.

Xander looked.  "Damn, dude, did you fall on my axe?"  He opened a new stitching pack and got to work once he had injected the local.  This one was a bit more open and deep.

"You didn't have to."

"Shut up, Ronon."

"Fine."  He waited while the boy fixed him up.  "Are you done?"

Xander looked at him.  "No.  Those were the internal stitches because it's real deep."  Ronon groaned.

"It was," John admitted quietly.  "Anyone else?"

"I've got a fair hand at them myself," Wesley offered.  "It's part of Watcher training."

"That's one of the few things they teach you guys that makes absolute sense," Xander told him.

"I also took some extra classes."

"I learned the same way Willow did, from her mom's textbooks."  He finished up by bandaging it.  "Don't get it wet.  I use absorbable stitches so you don't have to worry about having them pulled," he said quietly.  "I'm sure you've had stitches before so you know how to clean and take care of them."  Ronon nodded so Xander smiled and handed him a lollipop.  "There, anyone else?"  Teyla let him clean and bandage a few small scratches she had.  He looked around.  "Guys, I'm not the mean one.  Willow pulled *way* too hard when she did them."

"Our docs might not like you doing them," Evan said.

John hauled him over.  "She can yell at me since she's not here."

"Fine."  He let Xander get the long scratch down his arm and the fang mark on his neck.  He hissed at that one.  "What's that?"

"Holy water neosporin mixed with ambesol.  Ambesol has about the same alcohol content as rubbing alcohol, the neosporin will help keep it clean, and the holy water is usually necessary."  He smiled.  "Plus you can put it on during the hunting."  He looked around once Lorne had his lollipop.  A few more groaned but came up to get scratches/cuts looked at.

Gunn showed them up to rooms, giving John and Xander a look.  "We're not prudes and you guys are married anyway."  He tossed Xander a key.  Then he walked off smirking.  Evan got the last one at the other end of the hall.

John let them into their room, looking Xander over.  "Strip off the weapons?"

Xander dropped his bag and took off his vest.  Muffin barked so they let her inside.  She had been watering bushes.  Xander pulled off his shirt, staring at John.  "Your turn."

John took off his tactical gear first, laying it in the other chair then his t-shirt.  His holster got removed then his boots, pants, and socks because they were sweaty.  Xander stripped off his faded black jeans.  They stared at each other's injuries.  Xander held up the small tube of mixed neosporin.  John nodded, taking it to do Xander's then Xander got his.  They laid down to rest, cuddling together.  It was only a full size bed.  Muffin laid behind John, making them cuddle even more.  "I'd ask but we might freak out the people up the hall," Xander whispered.

John kissed him.  "I don't care but I'm too tired right now.  Later?"

"Sure."

"Is that post slaying horniness?" John asked.

"Kinda.  I can easily wait."  He smiled.

John groaned, kissing him and giving him a quick hand job.   It was good enough, they could play before hunting tonight.

***

"Okay, who's injured?" Doctor Keller demanded when everyone was beamed back.

"We're good so far," John told her.  "Xander took care of all the minor things.  Ronon, your back?"

"Could probably used cleaned but it's fine.  I think some ash got under the bandage with the way it itches."

"Excuse me?  Your husband is a doctor?"

"They didn't go to the ER," Lorne said.  "He's actually really damn gentle.  Has a mix for hunting injuries on the go."

"He did *what*?" she demanded of John.

"Not like you came with us, Doc.  They're fine.  Please check Ronon's back."  She stopped him from moving.  "He learned from the textbooks.  Most hunters have at least a decent bit of medic training."

"Medic training doesn't let you do stitches!" she complained.

"It does when your local hospital has a practice of selling victims."  She glared.  He stared back.  "You can call and ask him what he knows how to do.  You can check over Ronon's since he took a lot of damage on his back."  He walked around her, going to his room.  "Do I have to retrieve anything, guys?"

"No, sir," one called down from the observation lounge.  "Good hunting?"

"Fairly not bad.  Too many of them to count."

"Six unexpected targets," Lorne agreed.  "Including two clubs full of vampires."

"Infirmary," Doctor Keller ordered.

"Shower," Lorne begged.  "We're dusty, Doc."

"You can shower in there."

They all sighed but followed.  John could be retrieved.  He got to be dragged by Ronon since he had so nicely offered him up for examination.

"Doc, I need a shower," John complained.  "We just got done with the last hunt."

"I don't care.  You can shower after I check you over."

"If I'm full of dust, is it really going to help you?" he countered.

"Colonel...."

He held up a hand.   "Post battle energy," he said simply.  She grimaced but pointed.  "Thank you."  He went to shower off the dust and to snark at his mate, who was nearly dancing from the excess energy.  Xander sent back a snark and Tony got them both for distracting him from the oh so fun exercise of paperwork.  They sent mental cheek laps like the dog would do, making him laugh.  He finished cleaning off.  He walked into an ambush from the doctor.   He sat down in his boxers on the table with a huff.  She smirked but he knew his mate had done a good job.  She was getting huffy about it so he smirked at her when she got back to him.  "Well?"

She glared at him.  "I do not like you going to non-doctors."

"He's nicer with his needles."

"He was definitely more gentle," Ronon agreed.  "Even used things to numb it when I didn't ask him to."

"He did decent enough work."

"Pull the stick out, Doc," John ordered.  "Hunters don't get regular medical or paid.  We have to do most of the small stuff ourselves.  Most hunters can stitch, pull bullets or fragments of wood, and set broken bones.  ER's ask questions we don't want to answer."

"How did he learn?"

"A friend's mothers textbooks."

She sighed.  "You could have called."

"Why?  He made them let him take care of them then gave them suckers."

"You're not kids."

"No but it was nice of him," one of Lorne's guys said.  "He was very delicate, doc.  We promise.  He was nice and gentle with us.  Even made Ronon sit down by *making* him sit down."

Ronon scowled at him for that.  "It looked like you needed sparring practice when the puny vampires kept tossing you around."

The soldier gave John a begging look.  "You narked," he said.  "How's your back, doc?"

"It's fine now, Colonel."  She stared at him.  He smiled back.  "Next time, call."

"If it had been more than stitches, I would have," he assured her.  "Or taken them to one of the many hospitals in LA."  He slid off the bed.  "Anything else?  Or can I go sleep?"

"Go," she ground out.  She went to her computer to get the home number of Xander so she could bitch him out.  He should not be....  "Mr. Harris," she said.

"Doctor Keller, politely, fuck the hell off.  I'm good enough to do stitches, as you saw, and I'm more than good enough and trained by a doc who was turned, to do things up to the point of getting people out from behind enemy lines while injured," he said bluntly.  "Also, do be aware that most people do have post battle aggression issues.  Last time I slammed someone into a wall.  Since you're allllll the way over there I can't do that and since you have my husband I can't calm down in the normal way.  Now, would you like to talk about anything else before I masturbate or would you like to call back in a few hours or tomorrow when I'm calmer?"

"We will be talking."

"No, we won't.  It's not like many of your people are going to end up hunting all that often.  Therefore you can handle their military injuries.  If I'm standing there, I'm sure as hell not going to let someone suffer.  Now, do you have any complaints about my technique?"

"No," she ground out.  "You're not qualified and I can have you arrested for that.  That would be impersonating a physician."

"Doc, my husband likes you so I won't let out what I'm thinking right now.  Beyond that, we just spent two days killing things that used to be people."  She gasped.  "I know I, personally, got about fifty vampires in that two days, and another six demons beyond that, not to mention the two not-people.  I know John's unit got more than I did."

"I didn't realize....."

"Yeah, that's what hunting is, Doctor Keller.  It's not tying them up and putting them in the brig, it's ending them because it's necessary before they hurt more people.  Do you really think most of ER's in the world would like to deal with claw cuts and bite marks?"

"No," she admitted.

"Which is why every single hunter knows at least how to bandage and stitch, even if we learn it as we go.  Again, I'm not the sort to leave *anyone* injured if I can handle it and it's not too serious.  If it were more than the cut on Ronon's back, I would've driven them to the ER myself.  Now, do you have any other concerns beyond the fact that I usurped your authority?"

"No," she said more calmly.

"Good!  Then I'm going to take care of the post-battle adrenaline and you're going to quit stomping around my mate.  Thank you."  He hung up and moaned, going back to what he had been doing.  Mostly enjoying Tony's dirty thoughts.  John was doing the same so it was fun.

She hung up on her end and put her head down.   Why did she have these trials?

Woolsey walked in, giving her a look.  "Any surprise injuries?"

"No, Mr. Harris took care of them on site," she said, turning to look at him.

"Let me guess, he complained that you were complaining?"

"He gave me a good reason why he could and told me if it had been above his medic skills he would've taken them to the ER."  She leaned back, making herself relax.   "Has he been here?"

"Yes but beaming brought out that mermaid taint so badly that he nearly attacked me for saying something."  He grimaced.  "He's a strong young man."

"What do you need to know to hunt?"

"A lot.  Including not having too many problems with ending lives apparently," he admitted.

"He did point out that hunting wasn't putting them in a brig," she sighed.  "Do we think this is going to be a problem that we're going to run into with Colonel Sheppard?"

"No, I don't.  I don't think either of them would do that outside their duties."  He sat down.  "Like any other soldier, Doctor Keller, they know it may come to killing in defense of the innocent."

"So, they signed up for that duty instead of a battlefield."

"What little I've learned of the hunting community, most of them seem to have gotten into the field because something did something to them or their families.  A demon tried or managed to kill someone they knew, a ghost bothered someone too much and they knew about it, something like that."

"That's vengeance."

"Many officers go into law enforcement or the military for the same reason," he pointed out.

"They tend to get burned out very quickly though."

"Yes and I'm supposing hunters would as well.  Or they manage to get the thing that got them into the field and then go out in a blaze of glory.  It's statistically just as likely.  I know that Mr. Harris has pointed out, many times from what I've heard, that if he goes he hopes it's during an apocalypse or something.  Not from something he's hunting getting a lucky shot.  From what I understand, his reputation calls him a white knight."

"I've heard John muttering about that tendency."  She considered it.  "Do you think he's reached the burnout stage?  Would that put Colonel Sheppard at risk?"

"No, I don't think it would, but I do know that he's the sort that has accepted it as inevitable.  When it happens, he's ready, but until then he has things he has to do and people he has to protect."

"That doesn't lead to a very long life."

"From what I've been able to find out, the average lifespan for a hunter is about thirty-one."  She shuddered.  "That's starting in your college years or so.  He's been going since he was about sixteen, according to the rumors on him."  She gave him a horrified look.  "His former town had an apocalypse a year.  At the least.  He fought even when the girls around him put him down for it.  He has a horrifying taste for artillery."

"A good explosion cures most apocalypses," John said from behind them.  "Got any lotion, doc?  I need some for my shoulder.  It's peeling."

She found hers and tossed it over.  "We're worried he's going to compromise you or drag you into death with him," she said.

"Xander said he knows it happens but it won't happen yet.  When it's time he'll go down fighting."

"What will that do to you and your other spouse?" she asked.  She and Woolsey both looked at him.

"We know what it feels like when he's missing due to the time he was taken off-realm.  It was a dead spot then.  We'll grieve of course, but there's every chance it'll be an apocalypse so we'll be there with him."

"He's hunting alone," Woolsey told him.

"I heard that.  We don't like it but we know he'd hunt anyway because then there's less problems to try to date him."

"Which goes with the name they call him," Woolsey said.

"Oh, yeah, he's a classic white knight.  I agree with some things.  Slayers aren't enough and no one little girl should ever have the duty to fight that way.  It's a soldier's job.  Or guys like the Winchesters; those who got affected.  Xander's in both camps.  He started out a white knight, it took his best friend, so he helped.  Then later on he slowly became a soldier thanks to memories and on the job training."

"It can't be healthy for him," Doctor Keller said.

John looked at her.  "Doc, those of us who came out in the first year knew that we might find a new enemy out here, that there was little chance of us getting back home, and we may well die out there.  His outlook is the same way.  It's too important to not be done and it's got to be someone with special skills and/or training or they'll die faster."  He opened the lotion and poured some out, putting it on his shoulder.  "Yeah, they have to know more skills than the average soldier, though I think it should be mandatory for everyone to learn at least basic medic skills.  Half the time we're injured far away from the HQ and hospitals."  He tossed her back the bottle.  "The only difference between Xander and I is I get paid to risk my life and possibly die.  He doesn't."  He rolled his eyes.  "He said I have people like you who'd nag and he doesn't too."

"So you knew I called?"

"Yeah, he told me every single thing," he said, smirking at her.  "While he's not a doctor, he's damn good and you trying to put him down for it, don't.  Never again, doc."

"I understand the rationale behind it, but you could have called."

"Who said they weren't going to attack the hotel?" he countered.  "A few tried but Gunn's people got them."

"Gunn?" Woolsey asked.

"One of the LA team.  Before Angel moved there, Gunn had a street gang that was taking out some of the menaces, especially the vampires."

"There's a hunting street gang?" he asked, looking horrified.

"Yeah.  A lot of them got touched by it or had one take one of their own.  They formed for protection and to protect the others around them, especially those kids on the street who couldn't protect themselves.  Gunn works with a few teen shelters and the like."

"Oh, I never expected that."

"Street people would be a target," she said.  "No one pays much attention to population fluxes among them, they move constantly, and with the runaway issue there's an ever growing supply of victims."

"Which is how that restaurant in LA operated for so long," John agreed.  "The smart vampires hunt in a club environment; where you don't always have a buddy at your back or watching out for you.  You can disappear within minutes and no one might notice for hours.  Connor said some of the clans down there actually host raves so they can be choosy in their victims.  One or two an event to not get too much attention."

"Because you're hear rumors if people kept disappearing from clubs and raves," Woolsey said flatly.  John nodded.  "Is there any way to stop them for good?"

"Get every last one.  Which we never will.  That's a true never ending war.  Unless this series of apocalypses kills everyone then it's not a problem."

"How many do we know about?"

"We're theorizing at least three.  When they show up for the battle, the actual battle, and then the aftermath of the death or banishment might cause another one.  We've got people going around to all the other higher powers linked, stationed, or living on this plane to ask them to please have them take the fight off plane or something.  Mitchell wanted to send them to the Ori galaxy."  Keller moaned at that, shaking her head.

"They might take out all the Ori and priors," Woolsey said.  "But probably a lot of other people too."  He sat up straighter.  "Have the Ancients or any of the ascended said anything?  Or the Asgard?"

"The other night an ascended was highly amused but otherwise no.  They said we're playing dress up basically.  We got things set up to protect the city and the Mountain again.  Otherwise, no idea.  You'd have to ask O'Neill about the asgard, Woolsey.  Though I do know that they all freaked at the evidence of magic.  Including the Gou'ald queens we saw the last few days."

"Do they think it's heresy?"

"Oma nearly wet herself when Xander manifested a light.  Said that they considered it a myth and slightly evil.  She kept asking what Xander was but that was before we used the transporters to fix the demon taint that got brought forward by beaming."

"What is his position in all that mess?" Woolsey asked.

John smiled.  "Knight Protector of the new Council.  I'm the local Protectorate Head Knight.  Cam's the one for the Mountain."

"That's fine," Woolsey said.  "I found out why they wanted it stopped.  There's a small prophecy that states the Powers would be brought down."

"Yeah, they fled before then," he said dryly.  "When our marriage ended up being a plot of theirs to take out all the chosen and slayers.  They had no idea Xander was Xander and not his former friend Jesse.  Even the angel we ran into didn't know that he wasn't him."

"Why not?" she asked.

"So the only one paying any attention to him was the ones he was fighting?" Woolsey asked, looking amused.

"Yup, basically.  He's called a wild card because sometimes my husband's mind works in really strange ways."  He thought at Xander, who hummed and shifted off the thought of Hostess product sex again.  He sighed, shaking his head.  "He's letting twinkies do naughty things to him in his dreams again."

"I don't need to know," Woolsey complained.

Keller smiled.  "He's a sugar fiend?"

"Who bounces on it," John assured her.  "During the fight, he opened a can of Mountain Dew and the vampires we were dealing with nearly cried."  She giggled.  "He promised he'd eat some hohos too if they didn't cooperate and hand over the snaked ones."  She cackled.  "Yeah, he's bad on sugar but I like him anyway."  He shrugged.  "Better this than falling asleep in front of the Discovery channel and having dreams about wolf packs.  It would totally screw with the hyena he got possessed by way back when."  He walked off shaking his head.

The two 'adults' shared a look and shook their heads.  "He wasn't fully polite but I was going to yell at him," she admitted.

"He pinned me to a wall and growled at me," Woolsey said.  "But he did apologize after we got all that demon taint out of him." He stood up.  "I know when Harris was taken off realm, necessitating the rescue that took a month, it was a sudden snap of loss.  They couldn't feel him at all but he could still talk to Tony."

"I'd like to meet that husband, he sounds like he's the sane one."

"He's part of our program's NCIS liaison team."  He smirked.  "His boss doesn't like them talking either.  Claims it distracts his agent."

"I'd say having a telepathic bond in the back of your head constantly would," she agreed.  "I know now and then it distracted Sheppard to the point of making him cackle at something going on somewhere else."

"He considers it a great distraction from paperwork," he said dryly.  He walked out, going to think about the volatile step-soldier he had to deal with.  One who would probably not hesitate to take him out if it meant the good of Atlantis or his spouse.  He knew Xander probably wouldn't but for the good of the city and the new council, he might.  He had to decide which set of orders he was going to follow.  It was easier in the Pegasus galaxy.  The IOA was not happy and might take him and Colonel Sheppard out of their chairs if they kept being so unhappy.

Though, if the boy decided *they* were a threat to the city or his spouse again...  That might have benefit.  He'd have to approach the colonel in the morning.

The End, more to come sometime.

Chapter 15: Heating Up

Things go a bit odd thanks to a minor wish demon, and then ... things get heated.

Buffy looked at the pictures of who she had where.  "I take it the fairies are all out in their part of the country," she said dryly.

"Buffy!" John Winchester complained.  "They did not choose it."

"For being straight guys forced together, they have a hell of a lot of sex," she shot back.

"Still, that's a word that you should have grown out of in sixth grade," he said firmly.  "Before they start shooting back about your diva personality and hair dye."  She shrank back.  "Set a better example for the younger ones.  They'll do whatever you do, including discriminate and it's not right."

"Fine!" she said, stomping off.  "I'll be more politically correct about them."

"Boys were so much easier," he complained quietly.  "They didn't have snit fits, they didn't have PMS and zits only got popped, not complained about over breakfast."  Buffy screamed so he ran to check on her.  It had to be something bad if she had screamed in that tone of voice.  More than a mouse like the last time.

***

Evan Lorne looked up when he felt something off.  There was a breeze.  Something tapping.  He looked.  The tapping was coming from a pair of small, rounded wings that looked...glittery.  "That's new," he said.

"What?" John asked, not looking up from the stuff he had to get done so people could get their yearly raises.

"Sir, do you maybe feel different?"

"No, why?" he asked, looking over at him.  "Why would I feel different?"

"Um...."  He pointed.  John gave him a confused look so maybe he was hallucinating.  "Have you maybe gotten a few extra appendages, Sheppard?" he asked.

John gave him a look like he was insane.  "Are you running a fever or just trying to get out of the paperwork?" he demanded.  He moved over when Lorne didn't say anything else, just stared over his shoulder.  And that's when he realized what he was talking about.  When his wing bent painfully as it collided with a filing cabinet.  He yelped and moved, staring at the small thing over his arm.  He checked the other side.  He had two sets.  "Doctor Keller to my office ASAP," he said calmly over the comm.  "And bring a scanner please?"  He looked at Lorne.  "When did they show up?"

"I looked up when I felt a breeze and there they were."  He was not going to laugh at his commanding officer's gold, twinkly, fairy wings.  He wasn't.  He hoped.  "Maybe, um, you should check with your spouses?  See if they're doing anything?"

"Not even Xander could be doing something that would give me wings, Evan," he complained, but he did call them.  Xander was still in bed.  Tony was staring in horror at his.  He poked Xander, who woke up and mumbled at the dog to leave his wings alone.  Then he started to snore again.  "Xander's asleep but told Muffin to quit sniffing them.  Tony's staring at his."  He sighed.  "Things were easier in Pegasus."  Evan burst out laughing.  "Keep it up, I'll find whatever did this to me and wish you up a pair too!"

"I'm sorry but at least they're not *pink*!" he howled, falling out of his chair and onto the floor.

"Is he the medical emergency?" Doctor Keller asked as she came in.

"No, I think we have a different sort than him going hysterical and earning a bright, shiny, hour with Ronon in sparring practice."

"That's evil," Lorne complained.

"It came with the wings," he shot back.

"Wings?" she asked, looking confused.  He had said it was an emergency.  He turned and she saw why.  "Are those fairy wings?" she asked, looking confused.  "Like on that fairy cartoon that's so girl power?"  She moved closer, touching the edge of one with a gloved hand.  "They're real!" she said, moving back.  She pulled up the scanner.  "They're embedded."

"I noticed," he said dryly.

Evan pouted.  "McKay to the command office," he called over the Comm.  "Hopefully you have an explanation."

"He'd better," John said dryly.  Rodney came jogging up the stairs and paused, staring at them, head tipped slightly to the side.  "I think the dog is giving Xander's wings that same look," he said sarcastically.

"How did that happen!" he demanded.   He wasn't going in there until they were sure it wouldn't happen to him too!

"I don't know," he said bluntly.  "Have we had any energy differences on the shields or anything?"

"No," he said, considering it.  "They're not a bad color for you.  Don't clash or anything."  John glared over his shoulder at him.  He scurried off to find a reason.  There had to be a reason.  Before somehow he got wings too.

John looked at the doctor, teeth gritted together so he didn't start to lose his mind and laugh hysterically as they walked him off in that special jacket they had waiting on him. "Anything?"

"No.  It looks totally natural for you to have them, Colonel."

"Well, it's not," he said, trying to be calm.  "I think I would have noticed *wings* before now."   His computer beeped with an incoming call.  "Oh, just fucking wonderful timing," he said as the picture showed up.

"Is this a bad time?" General Landry asked sarcastically.

"Yes, sir, apparently I've grown fairy wings," he said, moving the doctor so the general could see them.

"They're fully natural, embedded into the muscle and bone structure of his back," she said.  "He doesn't know when, they just showed up, General."

General Landry stared at them.  "Didn't you leave all that insanity back in the Pegasus galaxy, Colonel?"

"I thought so, sir, but apparently I was mistaken."  He turned to look at him.  "We have no idea but we're figuring it out.  What did you need to talk about, General?  I nearly have all that paperwork done for you."

The general nodded once.  "You suddenly grow wings and you want to talk about paperwork?"

"I'm trying very hard not to need a straightjacket," he said dryly.  "So far I'm losing."

"I can see why.  Your spouses?"

"Yes, them too.  Xander's asleep so it wasn't magical."

"Ah."  He nodded.  "Why don't you go to the infirmary and let your XO finish the paperwork, son?"

"Because he's got an hour sparring with Ronon today, sir, because he fell on the ground and cackled."

"Oh.  Okay.  Well.... why don't you go to the infirmary anyway?  I'll let him finish it and then go spar.  Doctor Keller, check everyone else for wings please?"  She nodded quickly.  "Thank you."  He hung up and went to his bar, calling his infirmary.  "Get DiNozzo down to see you," he said once she answered, while he was pouring himself a stiff drink.  "Find out why he has wings and how it spread to his husbands."

"Wings?" she asked him.

"Yes, wings.  Now."

"Yes, General.  Do you need some time resting, sir?"

"No, I need a stiff drink.  Just do that."  He gulped it down and had another.  That was going to save his sanity today.

"Yes, sir," she sighed, hanging up.  "Doctor Lam, the general just said to check on Agent DiNozzo's new wings and find a reason because they spread to his other husbands."

"Wings?" she asked.  The nurse who had answered nodded.  "Was he sounding ill?"

"He sounded like he was hitting the scotch pretty hard, but no.  Not yet.  I suggested a rest, he said to just do it."

"Sure," she sighed, grabbing a kit and heading up to their office.  It was in the NORAD part so it was under less secrecy.  She walked in and paused, staring at a shirtless DiNozzo staring at his back in a hand mirror.  "What the hell?"

"We have no clue," Gibbs told her.  "What are you guys doing down there now!"

"We aren't doing anything like that.  I'm told your husbands have it as well?"  Tony nodded, staying silent.  She came over to put on gloves so she could probe around them.  The gold and light green went well with his complexion and eyes.  They were real.  She touched an edge and they twitched.  She stared at him.  "Magic?"

"Has to be," he admitted quietly.  "Xander's asleep and keeps batting Muffin so she tries to lick his."

"We can beam him over," she decided.  "Come on."  He grabbed his shirt and she noticed it had professional looking holes.  Like buttonholes only on the back.  Someone had been nice to him and hadn't torn the pretty silk shirt.  Gibbs followed, glaring at the others to get back to work.  The infirmary was near the elevator and only a few of the people on base had seen him.  That might keep rumors down.  She called the office.  "General, permission to beam Harris to one of the infirmaries?"  She got it and smiled. "Remember the dog in case it's environmental and spilling over."  She hung up and sat him down to look over the scanner.  This was too weird, even for the SGC.  Even for Atlantis.

***

Woolsey looked out as a beam went off.  "What is....  Why do you have wings, Harris?" he asked.  Xander grumbled sleepily at him and batted.  "Doctor Keller?" he called over the comm.  "Did you call for Mr. Harris, his dog, and his wings?"  She came jogging up to get him and walk him off.  Woolsey followed, he wanted to know what was going on.  He walked into the infirmary, finding John leaning forward holding his head, and wings on his back too.  "How on earth?" he asked.

"No clue," John said, straightening up.  He looked at him.  "All three of us.   Doctor Lam has Tony."  He kissed Xander, getting a sleepy smile.  "Wake up," he said loudly.  Xander frowned.  "Xander, you're in the infirmary.  Wake up."  That woke him more and he blinked around, eyes half open.  He spotted John's wings and pointed with a curious grunt.  "You have some too."  Xander shook his head.  John reached out to touch one and Xander flinched, looking at his back then at him, looking confused.  "We don't know.  Crawl up onto a bed and go back to sleep."  Xander nodded, laying down on his stomach behind John's back.  "We'll finish that paperwork in a bit, Woolsey."

"Sure," he agreed.  "Well, his wings have nice gold and some brown and blue tinges in them.  Yours are just gold.  Why?"

"Tony's have some light green so no clue."

"Oh.  Okay."  He walked off nodding.  One of the nurses handed him something for his headache, earning a smile.  "Thank you."

"Welcome," she said with a smile.  She moved toward the bed but Muffin growled and stood up.  "Down, puppy.  Please?  I need to look him over to make sure they're healthy wings."  Muffin kept growling.  "Okay.  Teyla to the infirmary," she called.  She had taken John's comm from him in case he panicked.  The city was bad enough without everyone hearing him crack up.  Teyla walked in and gave them both an odd look.  Xander's wings were between John's flapping idly, one of them patting John's bare back every few minutes.  "Can you take Muffin since she's not afflicted?"

"Will it give me wings as well?"

"No, we don't think so," Doctor Keller said with a smile.

"Then of course I will.  Come, Muffin, we'll find Ronon and make him pet you."  She bounced out with her.  She had toys for her too.

"If I didn't consider her family, Muffin wouldn't leave with her," John told the nurse.

"I'm sure she wouldn't."  She held up leads.  "I'm going to see if we can get a pulse and any energy off them.  It might tickle."

"Put it on the edge.  The center looks flimsy and I'm sure a rip would hurt like hell."

"Sure," she agreed, putting it over a bone crossing that looked to have a vein with it.  Then on Xander's even though he growled and shook his wing until it came off.  "Can you...."  She waved a hand.  John took it back and whispered in his ear before putting it back on the wing.  It got shaken off again.  John did it mentally and Xander still growled and shook it off.  "Never mind.  We'll take yours until we can wake him up.  Coffee help him?"

"He prefers cold caffeine."  He shrugged and winced as his wing pulled.  "Ow."

"I'm going to get a full scan of the back where it's attached," Doctor Keller said, coming over with the portable MRI.  John got onto his own bed and Xander snarled and patted until he came back.  "Fine."  She did Xander's, making him whine and whimper.  Muffin came running back and barked at her until she moved the machine.  "It wasn't hurting him, Muffin, I promise!"  She backed off with the machine.

"Muffin," John called.  She whined at him.  "I know you're protecting the daddy.  You do it very well.  Heel."  She sat beside his leg, letting him pet her.  "Good girl."  Ronon walked in and slowed down to stare.  "We know."

"Is it contagious?"

"We don't think so."  John smirked at him.  "Lorne cackled so you get him for an hour."

"I can do that," he agreed, because it would keep his mind off him possibly getting wings too.  "Muffin, come."  She barked and wagged her tail.  "All right."

"She's guarding the daddy from the mean machines."

"Ah."  He nodded, leaving to get Lorne for his ass kicking.  Before he somehow got wings too.  He might have nightmares from that sight.  Probably for months on end.

John petted the dog.  "It's all right.  She's a good doctor.  She won't hurt us."

"I might try to remove a set," she offered.  "If they're becoming problems."  John's twitched back and Xander's beat more firmly.  Xander actually hovered for a second before thumping back on the bed.  Muffin climbed up to lay on daddy's lower back and between the wings.  She sighed, shaking her head.  "Okay."

"You can do mine as long as it doesn't take too long," John offered.

"We can configure it for standing," she promised, doing that.  He stood up and she ran it over him, even if the dog did snarl and bark at her.  Then John sat back down to pet her.  "That came out very nice."  She took it to look at and send to the main lab.  They had the same thing with DiNozzo.  So they sent Doctor Lam and Tony over.  Muffin barked a greeting at Tony, who leaned down to pet her and coo at her.  He pulled a bed over so he could sit on it.  "Do you have any idea?" she asked her head of medical services.

"Not a single one.  Can one of you contact the others involved in this thing and make sure they don't have wings?"

John pulled out his phone to text Winchester, who growled back.  "Buffy's a boy right after he said she'd be easier to handle as one.  Lost all slayer power too."  He saw the next message.  "Yeah, she called us fairies."

"Fucking bitch," Xander mumbled.  "Ogre too.  Meanie."

John texted that back to Winchester, who said she had changed into a male ogre with dog ears and a dog nose.  "Xander, no more saying those things," he said firmly, enforcing it mentally.  "You're changing people."  Xander flipped onto his side, curling his back around John's butt.

"We know why, do we know the cause?" Tony asked impatiently.

"John's looking."

"Wonderful."  He sighed, laying down.  Muffin sniffled at him.  "I wouldn't mind if I got doggy cuddles."  He patted the mattress and she stood up, hopping over to cuddle next to him.  "Thanks, Muffin.  I needed love."

John smirked at him.  "If things keep up with the wings....."

"Don't even start," Tony complained.  "Though I guess we can find a way."

"Not in front of me please," Doctor Lam complained.

"What?" John said with a smirk.  "Too good to hear spouses teasing each other?"

"Yes, I am.   I don't want to know anything that goes on in anyone's relationship except my own.  Since I'm presently single, seeing you three go all cooing and lovey over each other is gross at the moment.  I feel like I'm ten again."  She went back to the scans.  She winced as she started to shrink.  "Damn it!"  She huffed and stomped a foot.  "I wish I were my adult self again."  Nothing.  "Oh, come on," she complained.

Doctor Keller kept her lips shut for a moment.  "I wish she were her normal self so I didn't have to do all the work."  Nothing.  She let out a moan.  "I tried."

"I know."  She sat down in the desk chair and pouted, arms crossed over her chest.  John took a picture so she glared.  "Why is your hair growing?"

He looked up then sighed.  "Have you ever seen a picture of a fairy without long hair?" he asked.  She cackled, shaking her head.  He got up and called the main base.  "Sir, we have a small problem," he said, pointing at the diminutive doctor, who happened to be the general's daughter.  "We know it's wish based.  We're looking to see what it is."  He smirked.

"Why are your ears getting pointy?"

"Apparently Miss Summers decided we were fairies, sir.  He's presently half dog, half ogre."

"Ah."  He looked at his daughter.  "Send her home?"

"I don't need to come home," she complained.  "I'm still a doctor."

"Carolyn, don't argue.  I already have a headache," he said calmly.  Just like he used to.  "Now, beam back to the base.  That way hopefully we can find a way to fix this.  We can go through Doctor Jackson's book collection."  She glared.  He stared back.  "Now."

"Fine!"  She stood up.  "Beam me to the office then."

"Thank you.  Colonel, try to do something about the hair?"  He hung up and had her beamed to his office.  She clearly needed a hug, and possibly paddled for throwing a temper tantrum at her age.  Even if she was ten again that wasn't acceptable then either.

John looked at his hair and ears in the mirror, Tony coming over to help.  "We need hair things," Tony decided.  "I look older with my hair down like this."  He pulled it back.  "That helps some but it shows the ears."

"I think the wings are a dead giveaway," Doctor Keller told him.  "You're very cute like that, DiNozzo."

"Thanks, Doc," he said with a grin.  "Wanna....."

"You finish that suggestion and I'll make Ducky collect little bits and pieces."

"Yes, Doctor Keller."

Xander woke up with a snort, looking around confused.  "Am I sick?"

"No," John said.  "Buffy made us into fairies."

"More than the aunts wanted?" he asked, blinking a few times.  Tony spanked him hard.  "Ow!"  He looked at him.  "Why do you have wings?"

"For the same reason you do, Fairy Xander," he said sarcastically.  "And pointy ears and longer hair."

Xander stood up, pushing his hair back.  He looked in the mirror, braiding the parts in front of his ears easily enough then pushing the rest back over his shoulders.  He grimaced down at himself.  He looked at his wings and flapped them, then grinned as he took off.  "Better."  He landed and nuzzled his dog.  "Let's get caffeine, Muffin.  Daddy's still half asleep and the other daddies are mean to wake me up that way.  Not even cuddles to wake up.  They should know better huh?"  He walked the dog out, going to the caf.

"They'll never respect me now," John sighed, shaking his head.

"Yes they will.  You can kick their asses," Tony pointed out.

"Yes I can.  Doc, bring you back some caffeine or something?"

"Donut if they have one, coffee if not, plain, no sugar."  They nodded, going to get her a treat.   She deserved one.  After today, she truly deserved a good treat.  She looked at the twinkling as a man-shaped and sized chocolate statue appeared, smiling at it.  "Aww, that's a wonderful treat.  Thank you," she called into the air in case whatever had given it to her was still around.

"Oh, crap, it's worse," Woolsey said as Xander walked into the caf.  Xander blew a kiss at him and headed for the soda.  "What are you doing?"

"Indulging so I wake up fully and can figure out what's making us this way.  And Doctor Lam is ten from what Tony's head just told me."  He got some soda, standing there sipping it before getting more in the glass and draining it.  The third one he walked off with.  Muffin made whining noises so Xander grabbed a bottle of water.  John and Tony completed their errands and went back to the infirmary too.  Muffin was happier once she had her water in a bedpan.  Xander hopped up on a bed, sipping the glassful of his personal deity.  "Okay," he said finally.  "Any idea?"

"No.  Not yet.  Do you have any idea?"

"Slightly where to look."  He called the main building.  "John, look in the red book called _Spirits, Saints, and Heavenly Bodies_.  I do believe it's in there."  He listened.  "No, wish oriented."  He took another drink.  "Past the brownies, in the same section."  He found it and groaned.  "Read it to me or email it to John please?  Thank you, that'll work."  He hung up.  "John, you're getting it faxed."

"That's fine."  He stole his comm earpiece and put it in.  "Major Lorne, expect a fax on what caused this change from Cleveland.  Thank you."  He hung up and handed it back, giving her the coffee and the last coconut donut.  She beamed at them for it.  He pointed at her new decoration.  "Someone really likes you?"

"It showed up when I said I deserved a treat.  I think the being who did it is very nice as long as that wasn't really a person before."

"Could be," he agreed.

Woolsey walked in.  "We're going to have a problem."

John gave him a look.   "Of course we are.  I'm going to have to kick ass for weeks to get respect back."

"Worse.  The IOA is coming.  What remains of them.  They're doing an inspection."

John took his comm back.  "Attention all base personnel.  IOA reps will be on base within..."

"Two hours."

"Two hours," he finished.  "They are doing an inspection; I do not know if that includes personal areas.  If you're not doing something critical, I would make sure your areas are clean.  That does include the labs, Doctor McKay."  He clicked off and handed it back.  "Xander, can we do an illusion?"

"No, but we can definitely use it to go visiting."  He looked over, sending him that idea.  John nodded it was a decent one.  Tony shrugged.  "So, are the non-demonic ones coming or just the ones that weren't caught?"

"The human ones, Harris.  They shouldn't see you."

"They'll be fine seeing me.  We do have spousal visiting rights.  I am a spouse and they couldn't say a damn thing about the aunts drugging them either."

"Good point.  I know they're disappointed."

"I'll let Tony and John father spawn someday soon.  Tell them we're doing this to go visiting a peaceful species," he said quietly.  That got a nod and he left.  Xander looked at John then at Tony.  "The one who granted it was really trying to help.  It's like a wish fulfillment fairy."

"A literal one?" Tony guessed.  Xander nodded.  "Why was she in Cleveland?"

"Because there's a lot of energy and emotion there.  They'll naturally hang places where there's a lot of energy."  Lorne walked in the papers.  "Thanks, Evan."

"Welcome, Xander."  He grinned.  "Ears and hair too?"

"Yuppers.  If anyone asks, we're going to visit.  It's temporary to conform to their ways."

"Got it."  He went to spread that around.   Most everyone on base had taken the wings and shrugged it off after a minute.  They had fought space vampires, were wings really that weird?  Then he went to clean up his own rooms.  He needed to do laundry again.

John took them to read through, sighing.  "Any idea if she's still out here?"

"No clue and no idea how to tell," Xander admitted.  "Maybe if you could find a way to see her being invisible?"

"Good point."  He looked back when his wings fluttered.  "Stop that."  He reread it and handed it to Tony so he could go over it too.  The doctor took it from him and sent it to the general with the note about the cover story.

***

When the IOA got there, Woolsey smiled and shook their hands.  "Good morning."

"Richard," the mostly female group's head said with a smile.  "How are things going?"

"Fairly decent.  It's about lunch time, would you like to go to the cafeteria?"

"No, thank you."  She smiled.  "We want to look over the records for conjugal visits."

"Ah."  He took them up to his office, pulling those out.  "We haven't had too many.  Most have decided it's easier to see theirs off-base."

"I see they're using the unholy union to get Sheppard more off-base time?" one asked, looking up at him.

"He had no choice in that matter, he was drugged."

"I saw that report, but it can't be well liked by the higher ups."

"Actually, Mr. Harris has been instrumental in getting us some things to help us settle in out here without problems, including talking to the local demon council about not letting anyone travel out here because they consider it a holy city.  He's protected the city and given his spouse quite a lot of weapons to hold for him in case of an apocalypse."

"He handed over his apocalypse vault?" one asked.

"Yes, I believe he worked it out with General O'Neill that if he needed it, he could have it back.  Especially with the ongoing problems we're seeing right now."  John walked in.  "Ah, you're still preparing for that visit."

"I am."  He smirked at them.  "We're going to see some locals later and had to conform a bit.  It's a temporary spell."  He hoped.

"That is odd," one said, blinking at him.  "I didn't know there were fulfillers out here."

"Yes, and apparently in Cleveland."

"Ah."  She nodded and just shrugged.  "New?"

"This morning.  That's why we're going to go visiting."

"Understandable really.  Though you do look indecently cutesy with the wings."

He shrugged.  "Even with them I'm still a colonel in the Air Force."  He crossed his arms over his chest.  "Now, you guys wanted to do an inspection.  What did you want to see today?"

"We were wondering about a few things.  How is your...husband?" the leader asked.

"Just fine.  Down in the infirmary making sure his wings are all right.  So's the dog."  He shrugged one shoulder.  "He's also being checked on after the last battle we had in town last night."  They all stared.  He stared back.  "Let's not pretend we don't know, shall we?" he asked dryly.  "Why are we here today?  I have paperwork to do for yearly file maintenance to make sure people get paid."

"Your arrangement is going well?"

"Yes, our marriage is just fine," he said blandly.  "As it has been for months."

"So you do consider it a full marriage?"

"Thanks to the way the aunts started it, there's a slightly telepathic link," he said dryly.  "That's why Gibbs and DiNozzo's team was moved to the main base as our NCIS team and Xander has found us a lot of ancient references in the demon libraries."

"Oh, that's helpful."

"It's let Doctor McKay repair a few systems we had no idea about."  He shifted his weight some when he heard someone coming up behind them. "Doctor Zalenka, is that the science report?"

"Most of it.  Doctor McKay is fixing one section that he had to complete on someone."  He handed it to Woolsey with a nod at the council members.  He was trying hard not to stare at John's back.  "He said it will be done in two hours."

"That's fine," Woolsey agreed.  I know he has more important things to do than a report.  What was that shield incursion late last night?  It was mentioned but not clarified for me."

"Huge bird.  It's nesting on a pier."  He left before he had to stare at the wings again.

John looked back at swearing.  "Did a wall bite you again?" he asked dryly.

"Yes!  Damn cannibal walls!  Have the doc take blood instead!"  He rubbed his arm.  He walked up behind him.  "Hi."  He grinned.  Muffin barked cordially.  "How are we today?"

"Mr. Harris," one said with a faint smile.  "Your mutt?"

"My dog is trained to hunt with me.  I don't go too many places without her and the whole base loves to play fetch with her now and then.  Though the next time someone throws a ball off a pier, they're going to get it instead of my dog."

"Definitely," John agreed.  "He said it was an accident."

"That's fine.  I can just as accidentally throw him off."   He smiled sweetly.  "Let me pet the babies before we go."  He went into John's office.

"You've spawned?" one asked politely.

"Not yet but Xander did say that if I or Tony wanted to, he'd be a favorite stepparent to them.  At the moment we've both decided that the current apocalypses take precedence."

"Plural?" one asked.

He nodded.  "We're pretty sure, yeah."

"Oh, dear."

"Basically, yes," he agreed.  "Xander, did they ever get through to Cleveland's city council about making evacuation plans?"

"They wouldn't listen to them."

"Damn it."

"I'll get General Landry to talk to Homeland Security so they can force them or make some of their own," Woolsey said.  "Do we think that hellmouth is going to be that bad?"

"No clue," John said.  "But I don't want to have to evacuate them at a moment's notice.  Would you?"

"No, I wouldn't.  We saw how bad things could get with the invasion as well."

"They're being blind and forgetting.  It's normal people syndrome," Xander said as he came back petting something.  "You cracked it."

"It was already cracked," he shot back, giving him a dirty look.  Xander went to put it back.  "Thank Evan Lorne for that arrangement."

"I will.  He'll need a nice hug after his sparring time today," he said dryly.  John smirked at him.  Tony jogged up the stairs.  "Tony, was this one already cracked?"

He looked.  "I think so, Xander."  Xander pouted.  "No, you can't keep them."

"I know, I'm petting them."

"Fine."  He walked into the office.  "Woolsey, any NCIS related files while I'm here?"

"I sent an email to Gibbs that you were here, he said to pick up something on someone's punishment?"  John got it for him.  "What happened?"

"Our little food thief," he said dryly.  "I gave him manual punishments and counseling."  He handed it to Tony.  "I didn't do more than make a note in his file that when he's distressed he tends to end up inside a freezer."

"I sent you guys extra ice cream, right?" Xander asked, coming up behind them.

"You did," John said, giving him a grin.  "Thank you."

"Welcome.  You guys needed it."  He smiled at the members.

Chuck turned around in his chair.  "Xander, incoming problem from the city."  He turned up the tv for him.  Xander came out to stare at it.  John and Tony grimacing.

"John?"

"Coming with you," he assured him.  "Woolsey, we're having a small demon uprising in town."

"Go.  I know you have to handle that by family duty."  They nodded and headed out once Xander had a good selection of weapons.  He came out to see it.  "Is it important?"

"It looks like a protest that got out of hand."

"It might be.  We are a city that does protest a lot of things," Woolsey sighed.  They appeared there about ten minutes after landing the jumper.  A few spotted them and ran.  A few more ran at them.  Xander yelled and those ones calmed down and one quit bouncing.  He grabbed one's bullhorn and started to yell at them for the petty annoyances.  Woolsey snickered.  "I take it it's not that important after all."  The crowd dispersed.  Xander handed one the bullhorn, scowling at te rest.  They slowly slunk off.  The cops were able to step in to shoo the rest off.  "Good, peaceful job," he decided.

"It was," Chuck agreed.  "I knew they respected Xander after all the years he fought."

"He has earned it."  He smiled at the watching representatives.  "Xander's a very dynamic man.  I don't personally like him because he's bouncy, impulsive, and a bit wired sometimes because he lives on caffeine and sugar, but I can see the appeal one might have for him."

"Many would like to curse their aunts for that marriage," the head IOA person said.

Woolsey shrugged.  "It's done and we can't undo it.  They've learned to live with it in a healthy manner."

"That's good of them," she said.  "Now, let's talk about a few other things.  I'm told an ancient room opened recently?"

"At General O'Neill's command."

She stared at him.  "General O'Neill?"  He nodded.  "Why?"

"Because he said so.  So did the rest of his council."

"We did not want them form one," another member said.

"I'd rather not have us all destroyed and they think doing so will help us in the upcoming situations.  I'm not going to argue with them doing something insane to save our lives.  I've seen things like that work too many times over the years."

"We still did not like that they formed a council."

Rodney walked up the stairs with his report.  "Why?  Are the demon councils wary of what they'd do?"  He handed it over.  "On the shields, again."  He watched on the tv.  "I see the hair grew," he complained.

"And pointy ears," Woolsey agreed.  He glanced it over.  "Can't we shoo the bird off?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's nesting.  It's a protected species."

"Oh."  He grimaced and went over the rest, handing it over with a smile.

"We do not like this relationship that has grown around this base," one told Woolsey.

Rodney snorted.  "Even if you don't like it, people took it out of your control."

"We can have him moved," one pointed out.  "Back to DC."

"Which would mean you'd have Harris in DC, around all those lovely politicians who've sold part of themselves and the ones who want to, plus getting into every little thing.  Isn't that why NCIS moved their team to the mountain?" Rodney asked Woolsey, who tried not to mutter but nodded instead.  "I believe the politicians would rather keep demon hunting *out* of DC."

The three of them returned and John strolled up.  "Apparently the points give us extra special hearing, ma'am," he said, staring that one down.  "You can't have me removed without a damn good reason and this is not one.  The highest of the high know that we were drugged and married, and therefore linked, that way.  Even the president has gotten that report and signed off to divert frat regs for me."  She gasped.  "Also, you should know that they all think we'll calm Xander down since he's a good link in the hunter's weapons pipeline."  She stomped off and they beamed out.

"You remember that fairy from Bugs Bunny with the tattoo and the cigar?" Xander asked Tony.

"Vaguely, yeah.  He does remind me of him only without the smoke."

John smirked at them.  "I can assign you both PT."

"Nope, you can't," Xander said with a grin.  Muffin huffed up the stairs.  "Why are you sore?  We didn't get hit."  He squatted down to check her over.  "John, her knee's swollen."

"I am not a vet," Keller said before anyone could suggest the infirmary.  "But has she jumped?"

"Only on and off the beds."  He checked her over again.  "Okay, get me home so I can take her to the vet."

"Done," Woolsey agreed.  John walked off with Xander, who was now carrying the dog.  "DiNozzo?"

"No, I'm pretty well here for a day to go over things."  He held up the text message.  "Gibbs said since I'm here anyway."

"That's fine.  Sheppard is very creative when he needs to assign punishments.  In the early days, when we couldn't ship anyone back, they got assigned to teams and watched heavily."

"I can understand that need."  He followed him in to look that over.  He kept a light tether on Xander's mind all the way to the mainland and to the vet's.  The vet thought it was simple inflamation and gave her a shot and an ice pack.  He sighed in relief.  They went home for now.  Apparently San Francisco just shrugged off guys with pointy ears and wings.

***

John talked the wish fulfillment fairy out of their wings and pointy ears, finally, later that day.  The thing pouted because it had hurt them but that was normal.  Xander gave it a hug and promised that there were ways of doing it without hurting people.  The little thing went to talk to Gunn about that.  Gunn had a good sense of ethics and wouldn't freak.  That's why Xander had suggested him to talk to.  Xander was kicked back on John's bed, watching him fuss his laundry back into place when his phone rang.  "Harris," he answered, sitting up.  "When and how bad?  Is the kraken out?"  He nodded.  "Give us ten to get there.  Get military and the local agents gathered."  He hung up.  "The hellmouth in Cleveland just opened and spilled out half of hell."  He hopped up, magically summoning something he could hunt in.  "John, I need the weapons back now."

"Got it," he agreed, jogging to his office pulling on a t-shirt on the way.  "Lorne, get Landry on the phone and have him check Cleveland.  The hellmouth just opened and vomited."  He grabbed everything he had, including in the desk.  Xander came in with a bag.  "You sure?"

"Yeah."  He piled things into it.  He looked over his guns.  "We'll need more bullets sometime.  Can I do the beaming thing?"

"Yes we can."  He got his own gear and made sure he was comfortable.  Xander handed him a sword, attached his axe to his back, and then holstered a few guns.  "Muffin?"

"Still inflamed."  Tony jogged in and they went together.  They landed and it was quiet.  People were fleeing but not screaming.  Xander stopped one.  "Where is it?" he asked.  She panted and pointed.  "We'll have evacuation spots set up.  Get people inside so they can be evacuated easily."  She nodded and he let her go.  "Tony, liaise on that shit.  Get points set up.  Get one set up for the demons who're peaceful."

"Got it."  He plugged in his earwhig.  "This is NCIS Special Agent DiNozzo, where are the other agents meeting?" he asked.  He took off for that.  "Guys, hunters are gathering in the park."  He pointed.  "Thirty feet that way around the bushes and down the hill."  He jogged off.

Tony and Xander jogged off to meet them.  "Guys," Xander said, getting a sigh of relief.  "John, your job is the younger slayers.  I want you with them."  He got a glare.  "I don't care!" he shouted.  "They need you more because even if you stuffed them somewhere, they'll come out.  They're drawn to it."  He looked at the others.  "Also, set up slayers at each of the evac points and make sure the peaceful demons have one."   He nodded, heading to give those orders.  "Give me a sitrep please?" he asked the others, who were only staring at them.  "Hi, Xander Harris, I fought with the slayers in Sunnydale.  This is John Sheppard.  The family hunts."  They nodded and one smiled at him.  He nodded back.  "What happened?"

"We had no warning.  The hellmouth popped open suddenly and just spilled, Xander."  He gave him a map of the city.  "The hellmouth is in this park."

Xander put a pin on the larger map.  "It tried to hug me the last time I was here.   Okay, we've got to evacuate the city."

"Tony's arguing with them about that," John said, touching his earpiece.

Xander took it to listen then logged in.  "Listen, idiots, do you really want to have a moment or sixteen of burying everyone in town?  Get them out of the city.  Each of the points will have a junior or injured slayer with you to make sure nothing harmful gets to the people.  The peaceful demons locally will have their own so no one has to freak out.  Kapsmeir, you were Initiative, set that up.  We'll warn the local demon clubs that you're not going to capture them but where it is."

"Finn's doing that, Xander."

"Good, call and use my name liberally."  He found the numbers and called.  "People, I'm not sure if we'll have a city after this.  So evacuate the normals.  Now.  That's your only job.  Those of you with combat experience, use flare rounds.  Everything will most likely burn.  Just set up the evac points and make sure people leave.  One way or another."  He hung up and handed it back.  "Get Landry to get us some military to help?"

"Gladly."

The solider handed Xander the phone.  "It's Harris."  He listened.  "No, they're helping evac the peacefuls, not capturing them.  Tell them where it is and warn them of it.  Because they know what's harmful most of the time and can keep the harmful things out of there.  Yeah, but half of the peaceful demons are just as tasty to these things as people.  Get them out of the city, now.  I'm not sure if we can hold the city."  He hung up and tossed the phone back.  "Okay, people, how far have they gotten?"  They pointed.

"Let's start in this neighborhood.  Each of you pick a place about as distant and move in.  We'll have to kill them all."  They nodded and took off.  He and John got a ride from the distant cousin.  They hopped off when they saw a huge man-looking thing.  Xander looked up at him.  "Yo, we're hunters!" he called up to it.  It sneered down at him.  He pulled out something and opened the case, firing at him.  It went sploosh.  "We warned you."

He called Buffy's phone.  "We're working concentric circles, pushing inward.  Jump in where necessary.  John and I are on ...eighteenth," he said, reading from the local sign.  "So we'll move in from here.  The other hunters are doing the same thing.  Send any injured but moving to the evac points to help out.  I know we missed some already."  He hung up and they moved in, shooting demons on the way.  A bright light happened near them and John nearly swooned.

"Bullets!"  They both reloaded and stuffed the rest in Xander's bag.  John noticed a hole in it when something clicked on the pavement.  "Xander, you're losing artillery boxes."  Xander shifted things so the hole was up again and picked up the last few he had dropped.   They kept going, running into worse and worse things.   They waved at Sam and Dean, who had just taken out something evilly floating like a sheet of fog.  "Forty-fives flare rounds," he called, waving his own gun.  They came over to get some extra rounds.  "How many have made it this far?"

"Six," Sam said, looking around.  "Military guys just got here and started to evacuate the locals.  We've lost whole buildings," he said, looking at Xander.

"I realize that but I'd rather have people waiting inside than getting in the way and possibly being shot, or making themselves a target," Xander pointed out.  He pulled out a new piece of artillery then put it back and dug out something else.  This one was bigger than he wanted but it'd work.  He fired it off at the thing bothering the military guys.  "Let's go.  Tell any other hunters we'll hit the hellmouth itself, blowing up merrily as we go, and they can back up the other teams?"  Dean nodded, sending that on.  They rushed on together and it was bad.  Xander was going to have nightmares about the moment he saw the hellmouth and what was standing there.  He dropped the bag and started to pull out things, tossing them over.

"Hey, my only time using real artillery," Dean said dryly.  "Damn too bad it'll be my last."  He fired.

Sam fired off his.  They got more from the bag.  "Not today it won't.  Dad'll kill you if you die today, Dean, right after he has you brought back."

Xander snorted.  "I reminded him that he should be with the mini slayers keeping them from jumping in."  He grabbed blindly, dumping some onto the ground for easier grabbing.  John was needing more too.  Tony was on the other side, fighting toward the hole.  "Tony!" he shouted.  He banished a few to him.  Tony nodded and they all fired together.  The mass of demons exploded and less were coming.  Xander wired a few things and lobbed them instead of firing them.  The kraken screamed as some tentacles were killed.  Less demons were coming.  They kept going until they were all gone and the kraken was back inside.  Xander got up and walked forward, gun in hand.  He shot the demon trying to come out.  He centered himself and felt the hellmouth answer.  He sneered and pushed the taint out.  It closed with a whine of noise and sound.  He panted, squeezing his eyes shut.  "This sucks."  He looked around, shooting a few more demons as they tried to run at the agents.  He hadn't noticed it was now dark.   It had been midmorning when they had landed.  They had left Atlantis at nine local time, so noon on the east coast.  Xander looked around.  "Guys, get a power bar, and let's head to mop up," he said.  They nodded and grabbed energy bars and waters, John tossing Xander a few for him to eat.  He gave Tony one of his with a grin, getting a grin back.  "Your boss call?"

"He told me where they're setting up an accessory evac point.  We've lost whole neighborhoods."

"Should I have told them to run faster?" he asked quietly.

"No, he agreed with the orders you gave, Xander."  Xander nodded, relaxing some.  They cleaned up and sorted out things that were still able to be used and Xander got a place to find the slayers, going to join up with them.  The other hunters were handling one other area that was overrun.  They had agents helping and military guys.  The slayers were overloaded.  They got there in the Impala in time to see Buffy get knocked out.  There were a few female bodies on the ground, bleeding.  "I'll get the people out," Tony said.  He jogged over to get with the military guys  "We need to get the fallen out of the way," he ordered.  "They don't deserve to lay there and the hunters don't want to look down at them."

"We've tried.  Who're you?"

"Agent DiNozzo.  Ask him to float them," he said with a nod.  "Andrew!"  He looked over.  "Float out the bodies so we can get anyone help!"  He nodded, turning to do that instead of patching up injuries.   Then they dove in to help the girls.  This was harder than he wanted to remember.  His arm was tired since these ones needed dismembered.  Xander was panting too.  He had his axe and a few spare swords on him in case someone needed to grab one.   John slipped and fell but it let him miss being clawed in the chest.  Xander got that one and then threw a knife at the one going for Tony.  He moved on and it was bad.  It was real bad.  They had backup after an hour.  They were still going.  A helicopter flew overhead and the demon tried to bring it down but it fired.

"They need dismembered!" Xander yelled.  John relayed that over the military line.  The agreed and focused on limbs and heads.  The slayers got the last two and Xander hacked one last one's body into smaller pieces.  They looked around, then at the girls.  "The hellmouth's closed," he told them.  "How many?" he asked Rona.

"Sixteen dead of the slayers.  Andrew!"

"Buffy's alive," he called.  "We saved six."  They all nodded.  "The other place is reporting it's moving but all the hunters fell back to that one.  They got it down about an hour ago."

Xander leaned his axe against his leg, wiping his hands off on the back of his t-shirt.  It was more goo and blood free.  He looked around as he shrank the weapons to put back into his bag.  "How?" he asked.

"We have no idea," Rona admitted.  "Faith called up with a screaming slayer vision about two minutes before the thing opened.  She's still on the west coast.  We shut down all magic because we knew some of the demons might go for it to get here."

"The slayer Faith came with the second wave of the military," one of the agents told her.  "Along with the South and Central American teams, ma'am."  He looked at Xander.  "How did you get that sort of ordinance?"

"That's Xander.  He was Buffy's backup in Sunnydale," Rona told him.  Xander nodded.  "He lets John hold it for him since he's military."  John waved from where he was bending down panting.

"John?" Tony asked.  He moved over to check him.  "Andrew, he's got a good cut on his side that's really deep."

Xander came over, laying a hand on it.  "I can halve it with you," he offered.

"Shut up, Xander.  No sucking injuries into yourself," John said, looking at him.  "They don't need both of us to be whiny.  Tony, check him."

"I'm fine."  He looked around then at the girls.  "Call the others, see if they need help evacuating.  We can get a burger on the way, ladies."  They nodded, getting food from the military MASH unit people.  Tony made them check Xander when he was watching the girls be treated.  Tony had John but Xander was back into his 'general' persona.  The doctors nearly screamed in frustration when he fought but oh well.  Doctor Lam was brought to handle him and John's injuries.  He calmed down at that.  He had a good few cuts and one really nasty one that needed to be cleaned.

They got taken to the other site where things were going bad.  Xander walked off the helicopter, whistling.  "All you peaceful ones, move!" he shouted.  "We don't care about you!  You're free citizens!"  The military people herding them gaped in horror at him.  "Ninety percent of all species are peaceful," he told them.  "Stop it!"  He walked around, freeing Finn and his group.  "Get them out of here."  He nodded, going to round up those that he could to get them out of Cleveland.

"Who in the hell are you, boy?" someone yelled, coming up on him.

"He's with me," John said.  "Colonel John Sheppard, out of Cheyenne."  That got the man to stand down.  "General," he said, saluting the guy stomping over after being flown in even though he was army.

Xander nodded at him.  "The peaceful ones aren't going to be hurt, right?"

"No, we have nothing against peaceful beings," he assured him.  "They were misinformed."

"Make sure it doesn't happen again.  They can riot and be less peaceful," Xander pointed out.  "We saw plenty of that in Sunnydale."  The general flinched.  "Exactly."  He looked at them.  "Are the orders to leave Cleveland?"

"Yes."

Xander whistled.  "People, we're evacuating everyone in the city for right now.  That includes you guys.  We set up a separate checkpoint for you guys so you wouldn't have to deal with normals freaking out."  That got a few nods.  "The others were misinformed and are now being corrected.  For right now, Cleveland is being shut down.  If you have a family somewhere else, go visiting."  Most of them headed off.  He looked at the few, who were giving him sad looks.  "Did they take some of yours?"  Most of them nodded.  He looked at the general.

"Those that're unharmed will be brought back.  The rest there's a doctor looking after them."  They waited and their people were brought back.  They got escorted out with the rest of the refugees.  He looked at Xander.  "You should not have ordinance."

"General O'Neill lets John keep it for me on his base, General.  I'm just borrowing it back for the emergency."

"Who are you?"

"Harris.  I helped the slayers in Sunnydale."

"You were on the team that shut the hellmouth."

"I was."

"What did you do to it?"

"I made it whine.  The damn thing likes me."  He walked off, handing John the bag.  "The other evacuation points, Tony?"

"Going well and peacefully, Xander.  Fortunately Homeland had a few ideas and had started to draft them out for getting people out of the area in case of apocalypse."  They looked over the ruins of the city.  "CGI ruined cities in movies aren't this bad," he said quietly.

Xander patted him on the back.  "It could be worse.  It could be a graveyard."

"I know."  They stared.  John came over after calling in a report.  He still had the bag.  He handed it to O'Neill when he showed up.  "Sir," they all said together.

"At ease, boys."  He stared then at them.  "Good job.  Xander, good ordering at the front to sort things out."  He clapped him on the back.  "The last bits of fighting were stopped.  We're doing a door-to-door tonight."  That got a nod from all three.  "We know there's some left."

"Some of the peaceful will be underground," Xander said quietly.

"We know."  He smiled.  "Good job with the hellmouth."

"I feel like shit and like we didn't do enough."

"I felt like that after the LA invasion," John admitted.  He gave him a shoulder nudge.  "We'll have nightmares together."

"Sure, I could handle that."  He looked at Jack.  "Need us to stay for the clean up?"

"No.  I want you three back on the base, now."

"Main?" John asked.

"No.  The president wants to talk to you guys and the Winchesters, plus the slayers tomorrow.  Now it's regular military and agents who need to do the work.  The other hunters were given aid, food, and time to clean up at a cleared hotel then told thanks and that they should fade like scared citizens."  That got a nod.  "Thank god we got here when we did," Jack said quietly.  "Let's get you guys back to base."

"Sir, some of the slayers fell," Xander said.

"We'll be burying them with honors, Xander.  They earned it.  Same as the agents who fell did."  That got another nod from them.  "Head home."

"Sheppard to base.  Bring us three home please.  We're together next to O'Neill."  He heard the agreement and they got brought home to Atlantis.

Rodney stared at them from the control center.  "Sonic cleaners are ready for you in the main shower," he said calmly.  "Xander, let Lorne take the weapons so he can do an inventory."  John handed it over and walked them that way.  "Do we need medical?"  John shook his head.  "Okay."  They got watched while in the showers, they knew people were.  The sonic cleaners got most of the goo out and then hot water and a lot of soap got the rest.  When Xander broke first, and they gave him a hug, everyone ignored it.  He had lost friends today.  Rodney got them back to their room without running into anyone.  He sent up dinner.  There was no way they wanted to be surrounded by people right now.  He set guards on their hallway to make sure no one bothered them.

***

Xander looked up from the graveside service for the slayers, letting Faith under his arm.  Buffy was still in the hospital, her skull was cracked open and it was taking a long time to heal.  They were burying nineteen slayers.  They looked over as the ambulance pulled up and Buffy was wheeled over, making room for her.  He stroked over her shoulder, getting a tired look back.  "It won't happen without warning again.  Jack's people know how to monitor it," he said quietly.  She nodded at that.  They went back to staring at the graves until the minister walked up.

It was non-religious but they were being buried on holy ground by a military chaplain.  Half the girls hadn't had family that survived the Bringers.  The other slayers were gathered around too.  It was a solemn group.  This was the first time they had lost anyone since Sunnydale.  At the end, the coffins were lowered and they flinched at the twenty-one gun salute.  Xander had dropped something into each of the graves for them.

Sam and Dean had already salted them all and there was a fuse in there that would go off and burn the body if anything tried to disturb the grave.  Xander had helped him with that with everyone's full knowledge and agreement.   The chaplain stepped back and let them all stare as the first dirt was sent down.  Buffy was rolled over by Xander to each of them for her own dropping in of things.  Then she got handed back to the paramedics.  The girls all stared at Faith.

"I don't know," she admitted.  "We did what slayers do.  All of us.  Even the mini ones that John couldn't keep safe."

"We did the best we could," Xander agreed.  "All of us.  Even those who were supposed to be hiding and didn't quite make it there.  Even though they're too young."  He stared at that group.  "It's not your time yet.  You may be slayers but we don't want to do this for you guys yet.  You're too young.  Wait until you've at least lusted after Angel once, okay?"  They all nodded, clinging to John.  He looked at the others.  "We did what we had to do.  It sucks ass," he told them, getting a few nods.

He cleared his throat to banish the large lump.  "I won't tell you that anything coming up will be any better.  Thank you for being slayers and taking on your callings, ladies."  Most of them sniffled.  "You're banes of hell and all that, but you're still my girls.  Remember that."  They broke and cried, piling on him, Faith, and Dean.  Sam didn't like to be touched even though he did pull a few who didn't get hugged into his arms.

They got calmed down and John took them back to the house.  It was inside the evacuation area but they knew they had to be there.  And now so did the military and the agents.

Dean looked at Xander, who shrugged.  "I don't know."

"Us either."  He clapped him on the back, seeing the wince.  "Stitches?"

"Yeah.  You?"

"Too many this time.  We're getting old for this game."

"I know that feeling," he said dryly, cracking Sam up, but he only sniffled.  "Okay," Xander said, pulling himself back together.  John and Tony had been behind him.  "I'm told we have to see higher ups for some reason today."

John pointed.  The president's limo was there and he had watched the whole thing.   The five of them walked that way together.  They found Gibbs and Jack O'Neill there with him, going over things.  Xander nodded at the guards who stiffened as they approached.  "Relax.  We're the good guys.  Really.  Even if we do look a bit scruffy around the edges."

The president came out and John saluted, so did Dean and Sam.  "At ease, boys."  He smiled sadly at them.  "You guys did hellishly good work this time.  In all the fighting, all the support you guys gave, and the orders that came from your team," he told John.  Who pointed at Xander.  "I'm aware of that, Colonel."  He looked at Dean and Sam.  "You two, I've been briefed on.  I've also told the FBI to lay off you.  That you had a reason to lie about that so you were in that prison.  That agent's notes were released to me and the head of the FBI."  They nodded in unison.  "Relax, boys.  I'm not going to chew you a new one."  He looked at the other three.  "Sheppard, are these two your spouses?"

"Yes, sir."

"Pleasure to finally meet them both."  He shook Tony's hand then stared at Xander before shaking his.  "You made DiNozzo quit quoting movies, thank you, son."  Xander smiled but sniffled.   He handed him a handkerchief.  "I'd be upset too.  They're like your family."  He clapped him on the arm.  "As of right now, we're going to close Cleveland until we can make sure it's safe.  I know Sunnydale's shut, and we had a talk with Mr. Giles about the other possible hellmouths, warning some very worried allies about theirs."  He stared at them.  "The Winchester family is hereby under no more threat of federal charges.  Even over how you guys funded things.  Your father said you'd be with the slayers for right now?"

"They need us to be there," Sam agreed quietly.

"Good.  They're all too damn young to be doing this."  He sighed, looking at the new graves then at them.  "I had been briefed that we're going to have some more issues.  Thankfully I didn't wake up from my nap to this one or I would've freaked out."  He looked at them again.  "O'Neill, from now on, Harris is allowed to stockpile any weapons he wants to stockpile.  However he does it.  We're setting up apocalypse vaults in most major areas.  Most of those will be military or Watcher run.  His is watcher run since Mr. Giles said he is one."  Xander gave him a shy grin.  "That means your husband can quit keeping it for you, son."  Xander smiled at John, who moaned.  "You two can move all that back later."  He looked at Tony.  "Do you like Cheyenne mountain?"

"Yes, sir, my team's there."

"Good.  Then I'll leave you with Gibbs.  I was thinking about moving you out to Atlantis."

"We get spousal visiting rights and we're over that project too," Tony said with a smile.

"Good idea."  He smiled at Xander.  "You get to visit more too.  I'll make sure the IOA knows that you're not to be bothered again.  Even for turning in most of them for being disgusting people eaters."  He looked at Gibbs.  "Make sure no one bothers him about his weapons, Gibbs."  Gibbs nodded but grimaced.  "I know you think it's dangerous but his husbands can make sure he stocks the things that'll be helpful."

"I'll quit hiding stuff from them," Xander offered, looking at John.  Who patted his shoulder, making him wince.  "Ow."

"Sorry," John said quietly.  He looked at the president.  "Any other orders, sir?"

"Not yet.  How is the shield going?"

"As far as I know it's fine."

"Good.  Keep it up for now.  That would be too big of a shock at the moment.  I don't think we can take that on top of this one.  People might panic."  He looked at Sam and Dean.  "You two hike out to your pretty car.  I've got to give medals and I was told hunters hate to be put into the limelight."

"Yes, sir, it brings us more trouble," Dean said.  He shook his and Gibbs' hand then waved at O'Neill before they walked off.

The president smiled.  "I'm sure the slayers all like them for being in the same business and cute."

"They are pinups to them," Xander agreed quietly.  "Can I....um...."

"No.  You're a watcher according to Giles.  You don't get to flee things, Xander."  He handed John something.  "Formal announcements are being done in a week.  Be pressed and look pretty."

"Yes, sir," he said, looking at the envelope.  "Am I being reassigned?" he asked O'Neill.

Jack snorted.  "Hell no.  No one else will put up with McKay but you.  Besides, the city loves you," he said dryly, giving him a smirk.  "General."

John saluted.  "General.  Sir.  Thank you."

"Celebrate later, boys.  DiNozzo, needless to say you and the other agents involved are getting awards too.  If I could medal you, I would."  He looked at Xander.  "We can medal you," he said, smirking at the groan.  "Tough."  He patted him on the cheek.  "The husband of a general has to merit his attention, young man.  You clearly do."  He smiled at John.  "Go make Woolsey moan in pain at the happy noises, boys.  It's time to move on and think about the next one."

"Sir, what about LA?" John asked Jack.

"We know things may happen there, we've put the national guard base there on alert so they can handle it and call in bigger troupes if they need it.  We've also quietly upped their gear stash in case something happens."  That got a nod.  "Go home, boys."

"Yes, sir," John said, saluting again.  Xander did the same.

They all smiled and they were beamed out.  "Thank you," Jack told him.

"I don't want this shit to happen again, O'Neill.  If I have to make the whole country more military so be it."  He looked at him.  "How many more?"

"We're not sure if it's related or not, sir.  We have no idea."

"Good to know.  They back on the city?"  He nodded.  "Decent.  Gibbs, you can have DiNozzo back after the awards."

"That's fine, sir.  He probably needs calming down time."

"I certainly do," Jack admitted.  "This was bad."  They all nodded.  "Sir, are we going to talk to the slayers?"

"Yup."  He got into the car and they got in with him.  The girls knew Gibbs so they'd let him in.

***

They landed and Xander looked at John.  "That means I get to move the rest of the babies back, right?"

"It does."  He smirked, giving his head a small nudge.  "Behave."

"He gets them back?" Woolsey demanded.

"Yes, the President said so."  Woolsey moaned.  "C'mon, let's check on Muffin."

"Teyla has her, letting her paddle around in the water," Chuck told them with a smile.  "She jumped in and Teyla sat down to watch her for you.  She found a small spine just above her knee and apparently the water is helping.  Doctor Keller gave her an anti-toxin for it."  They all beamed.  "Are you three okay?"

"We're good," John promised.  "Let's get Muffin and go rest."  Xander nodded, letting John lead them to the place where most people swam.  They walked up behind Teyla.  "Hey, Muffin, you done?" he called.  She climbed out and barked, coming to love on the daddy.  He hugged her and petted her, making her a happy dog.  "Thanks, Teyla."

"It was no problem.  She's a very good pet."  She smiled at them.  "You look all right."

"The president is forcing medals on them and a rank raise on me," John said with a smile.

"I get my weapons back," Xander said with a smirk.

"I look forward to you teasing John with them," she decided, walking off.  Muffin barked.  She came back to pet her.  "You play with the daddy."  Muffin lapped him and he settled in to play ball with her.  The suit would clean she was sure.  Muffin finally just collapsed in daddy's lap, getting cuddled and petted again.  He had missed her.

Rodney came out.  "It's all over the news that Cleveland is no longer open," he said quietly.

"For now."

"Good.  What's that?" he asked, nodding at the envelope.

John opened it to glance at it then let him see it.  Rodney's eyes went big.  "I'm staying.  The president said no one else would fit out here."

"Congratulations.  Doctor Keller wanted to check your injuries."

"We're fine," Xander assured him, looking up from cuddling his dog.  "Really."

"I'm sure you are but she said so and she's scarier than I am."  He smirked.  "Now, get up, bring your wet dog with you.  Then you can change so a good dry cleaner can have that suit."  He walked off.

"He's very fussy," Tony said.  "You need to give him a nice boyfriend."

John shrugged.  "I'm not sure what his type is but I'm pretty sure he's straight, just fussy."

"Metrosexual," Xander said with a grin.

Rodney glared back at him.  "No, I'm firmly heterosexual, thank you.  Or else I'd have cured my temper while we were in Pegasus."  They all grinned back.  He smirked and walked off shaking his head.  Those three were going to drive him insane.   He heard the dog bark and looked out there, finding a black, slimy person on the pier.  He got soldiers out there and watched.  He was not equipped to deal with merpeople that didn't look more like Disney's version.  Or really any version.  He heard a single gunshot and screaming at the soldier who had done it.  Oh, well, there went his free time.

***

Xander laid down next to John that night, running a hand over his chest.  "Hi."

"Hi."  He pulled him in closer.  Tony was already asleep on his other side.  Tony was having nightmares and had taken something tonight on the doctor's orders.  He and Xander had neglected to mention theirs after that.   He took a kiss.  "Are you okay?"

"I'm pissed.  I should've been with them."

"We needed you more, Xander.  We needed the gear and your planning, plus knowledge.  We would've been dead and there's no telling if you would have been able to keep those girls from dying."  Xander sighed, nodding.  "I know, it sucks.  They were like family."  He shifted to hold him better.  "It's all right.  I understand."  Xander snuggled in, letting John hold him.  It wasn't something that he often let them do but tonight Xander needed the comfort.  "Shh, we're here.  You did the right thing."  He soothed Xander into sleep, smiling at his goofy look when he slept.  It made going to sleep easier for him too.  Muffin was on top of the birthday present, having puppy dreams by the way her feet and tail were moving and she was letting out happy yips.  They all slept that night.  Thankfully.

The End.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Legacy Revealed

Chapter 2: Closing Arguments

Chapter 3: Africa To Aw, Hell

Chapter 4: Dealing With Doorways

Chapter 5: Shiny, Semi-Helpful Sightings

Chapter 6: Slamdowns By The Smartasses

Chapter 7: Pushy Pussheads Trying To Get Their Way

Chapter 8: Returns

Chapter 9: Mind Games

Chapter 10: Watch The Willow Wiggle

Chapter 11: Plotting Puny Plots

Chapter 12: Warped Planning

Chapter 13: Hellish Hosts Helping Out

Chapter 14: Hunting The Horribles

Chapter 15: Heating Up