NEW STORIES SINCE THE LAST UPDATE ARE HIGHLIGHTED
The "Wounded Archie" Story Challenge
Parhelion
"Descent"
Summary: Wolfe's POV
Warnings: Wolfe angst, pain, and no easy ending.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin
archived November 14, 2002
Coelogyne
"Hurt"
Summary: Archie's POV
Warnings: Freud would have a field day with Archie. Be warned this has been minimally-beta'd. Score one for the Big Guy.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin
archived November 14, 2002
Kitkat
Summary: Saul's POV
Warnings: Plenty of angst
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin
archived November 14, 2002
The "Archie's Flu" Story Challenge
French Fries
"Of Rain and Sneezes" (1500 words)
Summary: Archie saves a damsel in distress and catches flu. Wolfe mainly grunts.
Warnings: Harmless Smarm
Rating: G
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie GoodwinFebruary 28, 2004 archived February 28, 2003
General Story Submissions from Milk and Orchids
Calpurnia Lupin
The Lone Wolfe Affair" (6,600 words)
Summary: A Nero Wolfe/Man From Uncle Cross-over. THRUSH takes an interest in Nero Wolfe.
Warnings: mild violence.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Illya Kuryakin /Napoleon Solo; Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived June 22, 2004
"Ark of a Love Affair" (500 words)
archived June 22, 2004Summary: Archie looks back.
Warnings: none.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin
"Love in Blooms" (1,000 words)
Summary: More reminiscing, and this time with another party in on the secret.
Warnings: none
Rating: PG
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived June 22, 2004
"Spring Fancy" (700 words)
archived June 22, 2004Summary: Archie indulges in some spring-time impulses.
Warnings: none
Rating: PG
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin implied
"To Make you Feel my Love" (1,000 words)
Summary: Archie and Wolfe indulge in nighttime reverie
Warnings: Songfic to Billy Joel's 'To Make You Feel My Love'
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin impliedarchived June 22, 2004
Coelogyne
"Heroin Acre" (9,200 words)
Summary: Archie tries to help a friend in trouble, and ends up in trouble himself. Wolfe organizes a rescue.
Warnings: drug use, angst and Archie mouthing off.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: not yet. Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin impliedarchived May 16, 2002
Coelogyne/ Parhelion
"The Warm Room" (26,500 words)
Summary: Archie and Wolfe in Egypt!
Warnings: Formally a round robin. Mummies. Nazis. Taxis. Off-color parchment scrolls. Turkish Baths. Various types of graphic sex. You have been warned!
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived June 24, 2002
"Storm" (2,540 words)
archived July 2, 2002Summary: It was a dark and stormy night.
Warnings: A mini round robin. Angst, abuse, and smarm, which should be enough for one storm.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin
French Fries
"That Faint Tingle" (8 lines)Summary: Poem
Rating: PG
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived December 18, 2003
"Grunt no. 27" (300 words)
Summary: Archie works on his vocabulary.
Warnings: Harmless smarm.
Rating: G
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived February 28, 2004
Jennifer Lon
"Aesthetics" (4,700 words)
Summary: Archie and Wolfe meet for the first time, from Saul’s POV
Warnings: Some bad language, and an indication that bad things happen in the world.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin smarmarchived August 6, 2003
"Driving Rain" (900 words)
archived August 6, 2003Summary: Archie's late coming home due to the weather
Warnings: smarm-lite
Rating: PG
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin
"After Midnight" (4,500 words)
Summary: Archie's Christmas Carol
Warnings: Apologies to Charles Dickens
Rating: PG
Pairing: Nonearchived February 28, 2004
Ker
"Absence" (300 words)
Summary: A post-The Doorbell Rang snippet.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin
Warnings: None.archived December 18, 2003
Lady Q
"Pfui Means I Love You" (800 words)
Summary: Fred notices Wolfe and Archie are a little... involved.
Warnings: Slight spoiler for "In The Best Families."
Rating: PG
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin, Saul Panzer/Fritz Brennerarchived August 3, 2003
"The Leaves of Change" (800 words)archived November 4, 2003Summary: Archie takes a walk and makes some decisions.
Warnings: Never forget to feed your cat. 'Cause if you do, you will have one upset kitty.
Rating: G
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin
Nancy
"Too Many Goodwins" (23,300 words)archived Jan 4, 2003Summary: On his way home to New York, Archie gets sidetracked. Soon he and his family are embroiled in a mystery. Nero Wolfe to the rescue!
Warnings: This piece contains original characters. I know, I’m sorry. I tried to keep them on the fringes.
Rating: PG for violence
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin (smarm)
"Breakfast" (3,350 words)
Summary: Wolfe has breakfast while reading the paper
Rating: G
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived Jan 4, 2003
"Into the Night" (6,550 words)
archived Jan 4, 2003Summary: Archie is late coming home. This bothers Fritz.
Rating: G
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin smarm
"Lost Boys" (50,700 words)
Summary: Everyone has a first meeting story. This is one of mine. The plot is ridiculous, the history is poor, and the geography is impossible, but here it is anyway. Any resemblance to any actual piers, living or dead, is wholly unintentional.
Warnings: Language and non-explicit discussions of sexual situations. Some violence but nothing worse than you’d see on TV.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived Jan 4, 2003
"The View From Above" (4,500 words)archived Jan 4, 2003Summary: This is just Theodore complaining.
Rating: G
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin
Parhelion
"Valediction" (1,300 words)
Summary: An A.U. story set in a world where Wolfe fails in his attempt to keep Archie out of WWII.
Warnings: dripping angst, character death, and Donne's poetry, (a.k.a. the nuclear bomb of quoting lyrics) It helps with this one to remember that Wolfe was born a Victorian and Archie an Edwardian.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived May 16, 2002
"Matador" (2,800 words)
Summary: Archie finds a new reason to quit; Wolfe finds a new way to stop him.
Warnings: First time. Also, the first short story I ever wrote, with all that implies. Be afraid.
Rating: R
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived May 16, 2002
"Taste" (8,500 words)
Summary: While they are in exile in La-La land, Wolfe and Archie pass the time cooking.
Warnings: First time story; minor, inadvertent yenta-ing; hints that a late adolescent had a s*x life
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived May 29, 2002
"Bond" (6,400 words)
Summary: Like Walt Whitman, Wolfe and Archie find their relationship growing adhesive.
Warnings: 1920’s; first time story; one minor ethnic slur; lots of beer
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived May 29, 2002
"Brightness Falling" (7,800 words)
archived May 29, 2002Summary: This seems to be my baroque version of the answer to why the guys don’t age. So, a tip ‘o the hat to the Rhipodon Society who answered the question first, and here is my offering in all its weirdness.
Warnings: Blood, love, and rhetoric, and you can’t have any of them without the other two. Also, technically, this is smarm, not slash.
Rating: R (for strong language and adult situations)
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin
"Hunger" (10,300 words)
Summary: I had an argument with another fan who claimed Archie’s report of how Wolfe defeated Zeck was ridiculous. I lost. This is one suggestion of how else it might have happened.
Warnings: HUGE SPOILERS for In the Best Families, and I’m not fooling. You have been warned! Also angst; traumatic pasts; supposedly extorted sex; and some very ugly people.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived May 29, 2002
"Gasoline" (4,200 words)
archived May 29, 2002Summary: An A.U. story where Wolfe and Goodwin end up in a very different profession.
Warnings: This plot, with all its details, comes from a midsummer night’s nightmare. No commentary on subsequent tragic events is intended, nor is any particular region of the U.S. meant to be singled out for specific criticism
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin
"Iron House" (8,700 words)
Summary: Usually, sooner or later, those who shoot others and make cute with the law end up in jail. In this world, that’s exactly what happens to Archie and Wolfe.
Warnings: A.U. tale. Angst and violence. An immoral, if not unhappy ending. Riffs from some of the classic big-house movies. I have friends who have worked within the penal system, so I have no illusions about what most maximum security inmates are really like. Neither do my protagonists. Don’t you, either.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived June 24, 2002
"Anthem" (9,600 words)
archived September 6, 2003Summary: A tragedy makes both Archie and Wolfe reconsider the timbre of their relationship.
Warnings: First time, angst, romance, indiscreet coitus, Wolfe lecturing: operatic, in short. If music be the food of love--
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwin
"Back Step" (2,220 words)
Summary: Archie returns to the brownstone and reminisces.
Warnings: Based on a poetical snippet by SFK; character death off the page; much less angst than I anticipated; another run at an esoteric idea I’ve toyed with before. Oddly enough, this is canonical, if post-canonical.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived September 6, 2003
"Fatman" (13,000 words)
Summary: A speculation about Archie's silence during World War II.
Warnings: Like the rating says, NC-17. First time. Noir. Otherwise, nothing but history, and we all have to live with that.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived September 6, 2003
"Fox Hunt" (12,600 words)
Summary: Archie turns costumed vigilante.
Warnings: Character death, angst, insanity: pulp fiction.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived September 6, 2003
"Hostage" (1,700 words)
Summary: A bad day with revolver.
Warnings: None. Really, not one.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived September 6, 2003
"Intoxication" (4,500 words)
Summary: Wolfe lives out the old saying: In vino veritas.
Warnings: First time, intoxication.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived September 6, 2003
"Nurture" (5,100 words)
Summary: An A.U. in which the Goodwins kept going west until they ran into the ocean and where Wolfe, in his turn, did the same.
Warnings: A flutter of curtains, a few drops of fluids, a fast session of island hopping with the Old Guard, and an admission that some adolescents have fantasies that their elders may not approve of..
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived September 6, 2003
"Spookshow" (13,600 words)
Summary: Archie and Wolfe try to solve a murder but end up in the dark, instead.
Warnings: First time. Some plot, some angst, some scary creatures in the night, but the only ghosts here are the ones that haunt us all.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived September 6, 2003
"Impulse" (10,000 words)
Summary: Wolfe and Archie investigate a case of theft.
Warnings: First time story. That’s about it; if this squicks anyone, I’m afraid I just have to give up.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived October 19, 2003
"Pobratimstvo" (2,600 words)
Summary: Upon their return from Montenegro, Wolfe and Archie have words.
Warnings: SPOILERS for Black Mountain. First time story.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived October 19, 2003
"Liars" (6,000 words)
Summary: Saul has a problem and needs Wolfe and Archie to help him sort it out.
Warnings: Noir angst. Really.
Rating: R, for adult situations
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived October 19, 2003
"Express" (8,300 words)
Summary: Archie and Wolfe take a trip to Boston. En route, all does not go well.
Warnings: Something of a sequel to “Liars.”
Rating: R
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived October 19, 2003
"The Dog-eared Page"
A Halloween MiscellanySummary: A few odds and ends from the back of the drawer strange enough for Halloween.
Warnings: Yes
Rating: Varies; includes some NC-17
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinupdated June 22, 2004
"Carny" (27,100 words)
Summary: An A.U. in which Archie and Wolfe meet on the road as carnies.
Warnings: First time. First Draft. Murder, corruption, and trickery behind the curtains.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived November 3, 2003
"Ten Minutes" (1,100 words)
Summary: Ten minutes: that's all.
Warnings: Angst and character death.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived November 23, 2003
"Walk Away" (1,600 words)
Summary: Archie contemplates his ghosts.
Warnings: Character monologue, death off-screen.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived November 23, 2003
"Exile" (2,500 words)
Summary: Archie and Wolfe play the blame game. Both lose, both win.
Warnings: Noir, angst, incomprehension, strong language, and physical violence, all between friends.
Rating: R (for adult situtations)
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived November 23, 2003
"Noted" (2,500 words)
Summary: Archie, our narrator, can’t quite remember what happened.
Warnings: Contains a thirties version of the classic sixties trio. In this case, that works out to be slash, drugs, and Broadway songs.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived December 6, 2003
"A Christmas Carol" (5,000 words)
Summary: Wolfe meets a ghost from a Christmas past.
Warnings: None
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Nero Wolfe/Archie Goodwinarchived December 18, 2003
"Flowers and Trees" (13,500 words)
Summary: While vacationing with a friend in the Caribbean, Archie vanishes.
Warnings: Canonical. In a manner of speaking, gen. It could be argued to be het, though, or slash…why not read it and see what you think?
Rating: PG-13 (violence)
Pairing: Various and Sundryarchived March 4, 2004
"Voices: A Problem-Play in Five Drabbles" (500 words)
Summary: Only what the title says.
Warnings: Literary exercise ahead
Rating: PG
Pairing: Various and Sundryarchived March 27, 2004
Python
"Thanks, Inspector" (1,900 words)
Summary: Cramer doesn't seem to be his normal, jovial self. Archie investigates.
Warnings: PWP
Rating:NC-17
Pairing: Archie Goodwin/Inspector Cramerarchived May 25, 2002
"Driving You Crazy" (1,050 words)
Summary: Archie and Cramer meet after work. Based on "The Great Mother Hunt (ep 1)"
Warnings: PWP
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Archie Goodwin/Inspector Cramerarchived May 27, 2002
"To The Edge" (900 words)
Summary: More Cramer and Archie. Sequel to "Driving You Crazy." Based on "The Great Mother Hunt (ep 2)"
Warnings: PWP
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Archie Goodwin/Inspector Cramerarchived May 27, 2002
"Brotherhood" (2,600 words)
Summary: Cramer is injured apprehending a suspect. He gets a visitor in hospital.
Warnings: Purley Stebbins being sympathetic.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Archie Goodwin/Inspector Cramerarchived May 27, 2002
"Betraying the Brotherhood" (4,500 words)
Summary: Cramer is wounded and its up to Archie and Wolfe to figure out what's going on.
Warnings: None
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Archie Goodwin/Inspector Cramerarchived June 22, 2004
It should be noted that the fiction herein contained is of an adult nature and should not be read by those who are underage, possess hermetically-sealed minds, or otherwise are in a bad temper when it comes to fanatics. The writers of aforementioned fictions do not have any monies that could be garnered by large corporations for any purpose. The characters belong to the genius of Rex Stout and his estate, and the television show belongs to A&E. All we have left is the words. That's all we came here for.