A Little Swash and Buckle

by Kitipurr

I ended up writing two version of this (nearly) exact same story. This is the original version.

He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

He hadn't planned on spying like this. He'd just arrived a lot earlier than expected. He wasn't supposed to be here until four-thirty at the earliest. and it was only one in the afternoon. But he'd been bored at home, and restless, and decided to head over ahead of time and see if they could catch the rest of the game on TV, or maybe head to the nearby park for a game of basketball. Anything but just sitting home alone waiting until it was time to go to damnable banquet they'd been instructed they WOULD be attending. No exceptions.

He'd had to park a block over - someone down the street was having a party, it seemed - and he'd cut through the backyards rather than walking all the way around the block like he should have. Okay, so it was a little childish, but it wasn't like the fence was that tall and he'd scaled taller ones in his many years. He'd easily found himself in the backyard, approaching the building's side entrance through the cluster of well-maintained bushes that rimmed the back patio.

Which was how he'd caught his first glimpse.

Through the kitchen's sliding doors he'd seen the flash of white as it tore by. Then it went past again, and he'd heard the shouting. Concerned that perhaps he was sneaking up on an attack he crept closer, pulling out his gun as he made his way to the side window. He knew he had to assess the situation carefully in case there was more than one attacker, and if necessary he would call for backup. Warily he'd peeked up over the ledge of the high window into the den area.

And stopped cold.

There was no attacker. Well, not actually live in the den anyway. On the television in the corner, there were several - he didn't recognize the movie right off, but he was pretty sure the guy running around on-screen was Errol Flynn... or maybe Douglas Fairbanks? But there were about a hundred extras in tights, and there was swordplay and shouting and...

And there was Ezra.

In a white bathrobe and black bikini briefs.

Shouting out lines, laughing and cackling like a lunatic.

Sword-fighting along with the movie.

And his sword was a plunger.

The man was obviously having a great time. He knew all the lines by heart, said them at exactly the same moment the actor onscreen did, and his swordplay - with the plunger - was flawless (well, as flawless as it can get, considering the rubber stopper at the end made his `weapon' a tad bit off-balance). The man was leaping from chair to sofa to floor to table in his bare feet, brandishing his weapon and defending his imaginary ship (or was it a castle?), white bathrobe swirling around him as he executed his choreography with perfect technique.

At one point, he tossed away his robe when it threatened to interfere with his battle, leaving his body all but naked and open to full review. for someone hiding in the bushes outside his window.

Vin Tanner thoroughly and appreciatively reviewed the view.

Auburn hair, apparently wet from a recent shower, shook about in spiraled curls that would fall out into soft waves once the hair dried and was brushed. Golden skin glistened everywhere over rippling muscles. Legs and arms flexed with strength and grace. The undercover agent's abdomen glistened with sweat over the perfect six-pack bared there.

Vin licked his lips in an attempt to recover himself, but found his tongue as dry as the rest of his mouth.

Dear god, the man was gorgeous.

His hand had moved of its own volition to the front of his jeans, opening his zipper far too easily. He reached in to stroke himself as he watched this thing of beauty before him. He had never seen Ezra so completely free before. The man was always at least a little conservative; even when obviously relaxed and comfortable, he was restrained. During a game of basketball or racquetball he might show off his physical prowess, but this was completely different. No inhibitions. No reservations.

And he was walking on his furniture.

Vin gasped as his stroking increased slightly at the way Ezra had taken position standing tall with one foot on the back of his sofa, the other on the arm. The plunger was waving about wildly as two men onscreen fought the final, dramatic duel. Ezra's free hand gestured dramatically as he shouted his character's line and laughed loudly, and Vin's increased his speed, his breathing becoming harsher as the actions on both sides of the window pane became more climactic.

All to be spoiled by the ringing of his cell phone.

Ezra turned his head sharply toward the sound that came from just outside his window - a sound he knew should not be there. He dropped from the sofa to the floor into a crouch and darted across the floor toward the window in a single shot, snagging his SIG from the coffee table on the way. Reaching up with one hand he released the lock-catch on the window and pushed it open as he thrust his gun through the opening.

He was greeted with a loud thud, and even louder "OW!" and the sound of bushes being squashed by a falling body.

He was then greeted with the sight of Vin Tanner laying in his bushes, rubbing his forehead. His cell phone and gun lay on the ground next to him - the cell phone still ringing.

His jeans were noticeably... unclosed.

"What in the holy hell are you doing!" Ezra nearly shouted. "Are you trying to get yourself shot, Mr. Tanner? Do you have some sort of death wish your bureau profile tests didn't pick up on?" He pulled back his gun and slipped on the safety before reaching to secure it in the back of his pants.

Which he then realized he didn't have on.

"Dear lord," he gasped, glancing down at himself.

Vin grinned slightly as he grabbed his phone. "Tanner." His grin widened slightly at the voice on the other end. "Nah, I'm at Ezra's. Got bored, thought I'd come bug him for a while." Ezra's eyes narrowed as he turned to go retrieve his bathrobe. "My stuff's here already. Ez promised to help me look all spiffy fer tonight; figured I need all the help I can get." Ezra returned to the window to stare at his peeping Tom. "Dunno, just got here. Hang on." He looked up at the piercing green eyes regarding him through the open window. "Buck wants ta know if ya wanna meet him'n'JD at Inez's before we go to the benefit tonight. Says he wants to get some real food in'em, a'fore we have to sit through seven courses'o nothin' served on big plates."

"I suppose," Ezra said, his eyes not moving from the man on the ground. "If we met at six o'clock we would have plenty of time and still be on time for the cocktail hour."

"Ez says six," Vin said into the phone. He waited for something Buck said, then replied, "Nah, we sorta got things ta do before then. But we'll see ya at six." He and Buck exchanged the normal farewells, and then Vin was looking sheepishly up at the condo owner again. "So, uh, guess that works out, don't it?"

"I suppose it does," Ezra nodded. "Now I don't suppose you shall reveal why you were spying on me while trampling my shrubbery?" He glanced at Vin's well-displayed endowments. "Especially why you are doing same while rather inappropriately dressed?"

"Huh?" Vin followed Ezra's gaze. "Uh... oops, I, uh..." He blushed a deep shade of red.

Ezra clicked his tongue decidedly. "Perhaps you should come inside before we continue this discussion? I should hate to think that Mrs. Danbury's guests for her daughter's sixth birthday would wander past and learn the specifics about the male anatomy earlier than their parents anticipated."

"Aw hell," Vin mumbled, trying to cover his already obvious embarrassment - among other things - as he climbed to his feet. "Ain't like they's gonna walk back here,"

"Might I point out that you did?"

Vin blushed even deeper and tucked himself in before collecting his fallen belongings and ducking around to the patio door. Ezra made him stand there a moment, considering the Texan from behind the glass with arms folded over his chest, before finally unlocking the door and allowing his friend to enter. Vin slipped through to enter the kitchen, then moved on to the den at Ezra's commanding gesture. Ezra locked the door behind them, then headed to the so recently notorious window to close it and lock it - this time pulling the blinds across with a decided air.

He turned to see Vin slumped into the corner of the couch, looking like a kicked puppy. "Care to explain yourself, Mr. Tanner?"

"Not really," Vin said softly.

Ezra grinned evilly. "So you always sneak around in back yards, peeping into windows?"

Vin blanched. "Hell no! I just... I..." If there was a deeper shade of red he could achieve, Ezra would have been hard-pressed to believe it. "Shit, I just thought maybe we could... ya know, I was kinda bored at home and... Thought basketball... or a movie... er somethin'. Hell, can't we just pretend I ain't even here?" The long-haired man tried even harder to sink into the corner of the sofa.

Ezra sighed and settled down next to Vin. "Lord, Vincent, you nearly take ten years off my life surprising me like that, nearly get your head shot clean off because I mistook you for a prowler, and I find you in a distinct state of undress in my flora, and now you want me to pretend you aren't here? That would be a tad bit difficult." He leaned in, placing his hand on the back of the man's neck. "I just watched you use a phone, so I am certain you have a knowledge of its workings. perhaps you could have called first?"

"Wanted to surprise ya," Vin sighed, looking up into the green eyes he so adored.

Ezra shook his head. "That you did, my love. You most certainly did." They rested for a moment, forehead to forehead, until Ezra added. "I don't suppose I shall be able to convince you not to reveal my private performances."

"Might," Vin chuckled. "Have ta be some mighty powerful convincin', though."

"I could simply threaten to reveal exactly what you were doing at the time you witnessed my exploits."

"Nah, wouldn't work. You jumpin' around on your furniture with a plunger trumps me wackin' off in the bushes any day."

Ezra sighed heavily. "Sadly, I'm afraid you are correct in that assumption"

"So..." Vin's lips curled in a mischievous manner. "Whatcha gonna offer me to keep quiet about the whole thing?"

Ezra's lips found their way to an earlobe and he nipped lightly. "I have a few thoughts." he whispered, his hot breath sending shivers down Vin's spine. "Shall we adjourn to the boudoir and I shall see what meets your approval?" A fast lick and Vin was on his feet and down the hall, dragging his laughing lover behind him.

It was going to be a long afternoon.


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